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#andi is so smart... but so so dumb
ohheyitsem · 1 year
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I'm sure this isn't a news, but I was listening to Chicago is so two years ago when I realized the "until your breathing stops forever, forever" line is reused in Save rock and roll
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i haven't been able to let go of glass onion (in a bad way) bc there's just something so frustrating about it and earlier today, i was trying to explain it to my brother and i said something about it feeling like "baby(aka rian) just saw get out and wants to write an equally clever script but for some reason it's also a murder mystery" and like. i think i got there. i think my main problem is how heavy handed everything is. but it's acting like it's so subtle and cool and smarT. saying "millionaire is bad bc he's dumb, actually!" is so lazy. saying "haha influencer thinks sweatshops make sWEATpants" is lazy. whatever the fuck he was saying about duke, the "haha alt-right man lives in mama's basement and is bullied by her hahaha" is lazy ?!?!?!?
get out(as my example of an actual clever movie) was smart because when you watch a second time you're like "oh shit that's why he said he couldn't bare to let them go after his parents died. he MEANT HIS PARENTS ANd NOT THE HELP" but in glass onion, a second viewing would just be you sitting there like "that's not actually andi, that's helen." that's not clever ?!?!?!?!?
#i'm convinced i would have enjoyed glass onion if they had shown us that andi was dead from the start#and cut between helen & blanc and the dickheads throughout#like. the “terminally online in 2020” references would have still annoyed me a lOT#but i would have watched it and been like 'sure whatever'#instead of 3 days of 'why the fuck did he exposition the entire fucking plot at me after i wasted an hour' 😠#i hate when a writer of a movie makes the audience feel stupid for watching their movie and buying what they showed us#it's not CLEVER that this woman was actually her secret sister all along!#that's lazy writing#i get so riled up abt this bc you know how much hype this is all buying rian sdfghfdsfg johnson?#every time this white mediocrity gets swallowed up by people en masse#i feel so sad for the good stories we won't get to see from miniorities#like. one rich white straight man writes some 'quirky leftist oneliners' and it's like we're back in the height of the mcu fandom#but now everyone thinks it's progressive bc it's making fun of unwoke people or 'elon musk'#i also hate how much rian's writing makes it seem like all these horrific rich people are bad bc they're dumb#i'm gonna go watch get out a 50th time and maybe some day glass onion will not be on my dash and then#i won't have to have a stroke abt it#i feel like janis ian with you people#the 'did you hang with AWESOME people and drink AWEOMSE shoooters?????' but it's about glass onion#i don't care if people enjoy it#i care that people genuinely think it's smart or good#i love bad movies#i love practically every early 2000s romcom#maid in manhattan is not a masterpiece just bc i love and enjoy it#i'm gonna go watch maid in manhattan and cry sdfvvds
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emarie-stone · 4 months
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Glass Onion is such a fun movie but it doesn't pull its punches, either. The way it sets up Andi as the cold, stand-offish character and Miles as the benevolent, rich hippie. Then the twist happens and the perspective changes. We know Andi is actually Helen and we learn that Helen is angry and grieving and scared. We learn that Miles is not benevolent but manipulative - and his friends very much believe they will lose that friendship/money if they don't go along with his ideas. (They saw him kick Andi from their company, even when they don't know she's dead.)
And I love Peg. I love that she's the only thing keeping Birdie Jay in line, but she can't even DO that. Birdie is dumb, but she's smart enough to have a secret phone for years and Peg doesn't know. When she lists her resume, it's "Birdie, Birdie, a brief stint with retail and Birdie again." So there was a moment when Peg knew Birdie was trouble and left, but still went back (presumably for money or status or just because retail sucks.) But that decision to go back, to humor the rich and stupid is going to ruin Peg in the end. And it's just so delicious.
And the scientist! Lionel! He's smart, he takes the pandemic seriously, he knows Klear is dangerous. But he still chooses Miles' money and he's still going to be ruined because of it. He was a school teacher! Of course he chose Miles' basically unlimited bank account.
It's great. The two characters I sympathize with the most are both shown to have at least some notion that they shouldn't be doing what they're doing. Which is why I like them! And they are not spared when Miles' empire comes crashing down. They threw their lot in with him and so will fall when he falls.
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lilgoblinbitch · 11 days
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THE ONES WHO LIVE EPISODE FOUR (spoilers)
my reactions while i watch this masterpiece of an episode:
HELP OMG MY HEART IS POUNDING
why is there a roomba
HOLY FUCK THEY LANDED IN THE OCEAN OKAY
WHAT IS THIS GIANT BUILDING THEYRE IN
“we needed a time out” YES YOU DID TELL HIM BAE
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“the hell is this place” ITS WHERE U AND MICHONNE ARE GONNA-
why are they both so sexy omfg this is ...
OMG MICHONNE HAVE MERCY Y ON ME
rick that stare is making me feel things, STOP.
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IM SCREAIMUNG INTO MY PILLOW SO MY ROOMMATES DONT HEAR ME FOLDING OVER TWO FICTIONAL CHARACTERS
MICHONNE I COULD SEE U AS A CREATIVE WRITER OMGGGG
the queen is so smart and witty and STRONG HOLY SHIT???
no because if i was her at that moment i would be on the ground sobbing and convulsing
“CHILDREN?” HELP PLEASE SOMEONE
rj…
oh god.
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WHAT THE FUCK RICK
WHY DO U THINK SHE PULLED YOU OUT OF THE HELICOPTER YOU DUMB MALE
have sex already please
MY TV PARENTS ARE FIGHTING :(
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michonne it’s not that simple you can’t just go home yet :(
“what did they do to you” bad things :(
“do you still love me? :(“ MY POOR BABY MICHONNE
“little brave man” i can’t.
please smack some fucking sense into him michonne.
poor rick he’s so fucking broken. and poor michonne i can’t imagine what it feels like to find your husband after 8 years and he’s just…gone. 😔
STOP IT I DONT WANNA CRY AGAIN
THE WAY HE SAVED HER FROM THE BUILDING COLLAPSING
OH FUCK THE KNIFE OH NO OH NO THEYRE GONNA FIND OUT
LMFAOOOOOO MICHONNE IS SO SASSY I LOVE HER SM “I DONT EVEN HAVE A WEAPON, COMMANDO”
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okay he deserved that shove from her.
ANDY AND DANAI DESERVE AN AWARD
oh god mich again i’m so sorry. rick is gone he’s got stockholm syndrome or some shit
rick lost his manners fr he is not treating his wife well, the blood on her face the “DAMMIT HUG THE WALL” UM RICK DO YOU KNOW WHO YOURE TALKING TO HELLOOO?????
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uhhhhhh what is happening….
oh! i like this part :) (they’re kissing)
oh! i like this even more (they’re fucking)
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OH FUCK YES I NEEDED THIS
oh poor rick my baby he waited for this moment for way too long
omg the look in their eyes STOP THIS IS SO MAGICAL AAHHHH
i’m actually fucking sobbing.
i love them sm i don’t ever want them to leave that bed (unless they go back to their children ASAP)
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DARYL MENTION!!!!
“sit, rick.” YES COMMAND YOUR HUSBAND
“we, our family, are real. our love doesn’t get denied.” 👏👏👏👏
CARL MENTION PLEASE HELP HELP HELP IM NOT OKAY :(
rick sobbing makes my heart drop. this tissue box is my new bff.
the CARL DRAWING….
i’m still fucking sobbing. like, hysterically.
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THE ELEVATOR MAKE OUT YESSS
THE CAR MAKE OUT YESSS
“WE CAN MAKE THIS WHOLE DAMN WORLD OURS IF WE WANT TO” YES YOU FUCKING CAN RICKY DICKY DOO DAH GRIMES!!!!
MY TV PARENTS ARE BACK TOGETHER YIPPIIEEE
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holy shit that was truly an emotional rollercoaster. honestly this was my favorite episode. danai, you are fucking amazing, thank you for feeding us this delicious richonne meal today!!!
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jenhoneys · 1 year
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ok so I put this in another post's tags but I wanted it to be in a more coherent post form also:
out of context peg and birdie look like the ideal soft butch/princess femme couple and i kind of love the implications of that. i'm aware it's toxic but also their dynamic is so interesting to me like. peg knows birdie is an entitled 'rich bitch', and yet she still works for her and has for a decade, there's some begrudging affection there and it's so important to the depth of peg's character. like she's reached a point where she's comfortable enough to say 'no' to birdie (who has probably not been told that often after she'd gotten rich) and also for birdie to cling onto her and for them to have silent conversations
like yes. peg is not as detestable or as privileged a person as the shitheads, but she is so clearly NOT a victim and i love the narrative for framing her in that way. she could definitely have quit her job and work for a less morally grey and less privileged, politically apathetic person, but she doesn't because assumably the benefit and profit outweighs whatever she has to sacrifice to continue working for birdie, whether it be her morals or her perspective etc etc.
(the same is said for whiskey with her contributing to duke's agenda of meninism. which she is shown to be smart enough not to agree with, and explicitly doesn't agree with -- and yet she stays with duke because it DOES help her career -- she ADMITS that)
BOTH of them actively benefit from discount elon musks' system of nepotism and his golden titties, and they know that. you'll notice that neither of them volunteered to back helen until someone else spoke up first -- someone a little higher up on the food chain. ESPECIALLY peg -- because even though she may idolise helen/andi, she won't back her if it means her loosing her profit (making it all the more important that it WAS birdie who ended up speaking up first).
but ANYWAYS, speaking of birdie -- since i haven't seen a lot of people doing that, kind of disregarding her as a ditzy, dumb blonde (which the same pushing aside can be said of whiskey) -- she is so attached to peg in a way that i don't even think she understands. when she needs clarification, she asks peg. when she wants to hang on to someone? peg. she is absolutely DISTRAUGHT by the idea that peg would leave her and it sounds like she would do anything to keep peg in her employ, making the idea of her paying peg more and more make sense, especially with that maybe being the reason peg stays and has stayed for so long.
anyways tldr: i find their relationship incredibly fascinating and i would LOVE for people to develop it further than surface level in fic (or maybe i have to :/) -- especially because there's so much history and baggage and levels and just So Much to work through which they can only do together and with deep personal character growth.
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my problem w glass onion is that it said 'idea smart but guy dumb', when whatever janelle monae scribbled on that napkin looked incomprehensible. if you want to extend the musk metaphor, hyperloop travel in a modern urbanizing world is a dumb idea, fully automated driving is a dumb idea. there’s simply no reason to give alpha ANY credit....there are better ways of satirizing elon musk’s success than ‘he stole a good idea’ (namely, focusing on all the dumb desperate idiots comprising the international financial class looking to get rid of their surplus capital SOMEWHERE like hot potato because the capitalist machine needs to be keep running!)
and I lied I have 2 problems. see, at the executive level, andi would have been raking it in. you’re telling me she lost all her money in the court case to live in some modest sympathetic suburban home where she pours her own guests tea? you’re telling me the edward norton character didn’t settle quietly so as to not frighten the stock market and instead controversially carved her out in a public court? i mean her implied complicity in all of the klear stuff up until the moment of signing the big deal + her estrangement from helen (who seems to bear the general burdens of a working class life but does not seem to have gotten an assist from her sister) + her hanging about these assholes makes her a total asshole to me. I get why helen wants to solve her murder, I get why its important to establish andi’s intellectual property in order to establish motive for the murder, I just don’t understand why that last is supposed to be cathartic. again, the burning mona lisa, very cathartic. but am i supposed to feel emotional about backstabbing venture-capitalist legislator-buying weirdos stealing each others bad ideas and having public cat fights over their shitty start up, just because one of them happens to be smart and have a fabulous sense of fashion 
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catindabag · 10 months
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TBOSAS on Crack short take (19)
*How Dr. Gaul gave up on grooming Coryo to be her successor*
Felix: As your beloved Class President because of nepotism, we, the people must address the hottest issue of the day!
Iphigenia: And what is the issue,
Class Pres? Is it about our class fund? If it is, I’m innocent.
Felix: What was that?
Iphigenia: Nothing~.😗 I had nothing to do with that. *quickly hides her new lipstick*
Felix: Unfortunately, no. It’s not about our poor class fund.
Iphigenia: That’s great-
Felix: Which we will eventually address. So if anyone of you-
Gaius: Spit it out already, Class Pres! Me and Vipsania have yoga lessons today.
Felix: Fine! It’s about Snow!
Coryo: What about me?
Felix: Sejanus told me that Dr. Gaul is kinda (obviously) grooming you to accept her insane opinions or whatever.
Coryo: I don’t even like her! And to be honest, I really don’t care what she thinks!
Felix: We know. However, your super clingy boyfriend won’t stop nagging about it all week!
Sejanus: I wasn’t nagging! I was just-
Androcles: Yes, you were, Plinth.
Sejanus: I disagree.
Androcles: Yesterday, you even called Felix in the middle of the night and cried until dawn.
Sejanus: How did you even know about my secret phone calls?!
Androcles: I was there for a super secret sleepover.
Felix: Sleepover?! I didn’t- Andie, where exactly were you?!
Androcles: Under your bed.😌
Felix: What the heck, Andie! I told you not to sneak inside the Presidential Palace without my permission again!
Androcles: The President gave me permission.
Felix: My granduncle was asleep!
Androcles: He gave me permission in his dreams.😀
Felix: Anderson!
Coryo: I thought we were talking about Dr. Gaul?
Felix: Oh, yeah. Clemmie, please take the stage.
Clemensia: Thank you, Class Pres.
Urban: Hey! I thought it was my turn to-
Clemensia: Coryo, that woman is crazy, insane, unhinged, and inhumane! Have you seen her lab with the little colorful snakeys?!
Coryo: Ugh! Fine! I get it! But what do you want me to do?!
Gaius: Ignore her?
Coryo: I’m freaking scared of that woman! I might even be punished if I accidentally offend her!😭
Androcles: Oh c’mon, bro! We have ✨Ravinstill Nepotism✨ on our side!
Coryo: True. But we are talking about crazy Dr. Gaul here-
Androcles: Besides, the school won’t let her experiment or kill us, right?
Livia: I’m pretty sure she won’t do it to me. However, as for the rest of you-
Apollo: To be fair, She doesn’t even like us.
Androcles: She won’t turn us into some poor helpless Avox or lizard creature, right?!
Juno: Oh, you sweet summer child.
Lysistrata: Well, maybe we can all play stupid? You know, act dumb when she questions us.
Felix: Yeah. Maybe that could work. She did say that she hates idiots like Festus and Sejanus.
Festus: Oh, thank Panem! I don’t need to act. I’m already dumb as a door nail!
Coryo: Me act dumb? How do I even do that?!
Io: Me too! I’m too smart to act like a dumb fool!
Urban: And She knows I’m a genius!
Coryo: Urban, to be fair, everyone in school knows you’re a genius.
Livia: Oh, please! You guys are already stupid in my book!💅
Dennis: We can always ask Festus and Sejanus.😌😉
Sejanus: I heard that!😠
Felix: Alright! Settle down! We can just agree to disagree. But as your beloved Class President, I command that all of us, especially Coryo and Urban to do their very best to rationally act dumb and intentional play stupid whenever Dr. Gaul is in our vicinity.
Everyone: *sighs* Yes, Mr. President Ravinstill.
*The next day, in Dr. Gaul’s class*
Dr.Gaul: So tell me, my extra tribu- I mean, Mentors. What does Panem need in order to survive?
Everyone: *Is silent AF*
Dr.Gaul: Don’t be shy now. I know you guys are usually loud and annoying.
Everyone: *sweats profusely*
Dr.Gaul: *sighs* Do I have to give a hint for you to answer? Very well, I’ll be merciful today. It starts with letter “C”~.😌💅
Juno: *raises hand* Children! Panem needs more children to survive!
Dr.Gaul: No, Ms. Phipps. That is incorrect.
Juno: But-
Dr.Gaul: Pet, put your hand down. Anyone else would like to guess?
Florus: Kindness? Is it kindness?! That starts with letter “C”, right?
Dr.Gaul: Mr. Friend, did you accidentally hit your head multiple times before entering my class?
Florus: No-
Dr.Gaul: Then shut up.
Felix: Is it Courage?!
Lysistrata: Charity!
Diana: Connection!
Apollo: Communication?!
Urban: Care?!
Io: Charisma!
Livia: ✨Cats✨💅!
Vipsania: Community!
Iphigenia: Cuteness!
Dr.Gaul: One at a time, children! ONE AT A TIME!
Festus: Ah-ha! I get it now! Panem needs more color and creativity!
Dr.Gaul: Mr. Creed, are you a clown?! And Ms. Moss, how could f*ckin’ “cuteness” be your answer?!
Iphigenia: *nervously smiles* It technically starts with a-
Dr.Gaul: Get out, Ms. Moss.
Sejanus: *raises hand*
Dr.Gaul: No. Not you, Mr. Plinth.
Sejanus: Why?!😫
Festus: Can I-
Dr.Gaul: Anyone not named Plinth or Creed would like to answer?
Coryo: *nervously raises hand*
Dr.Gaul: Finally! Someone with a brain! Give us the true answer, Mr. Snow!
Coryo: ✨Cuddles✨! Panem needs more cuddles in order to survive.
Dr.Gaul: That’s right- NO! That’s f*ckin’ wrong, you fool!
Coryo: But cuddles-
Dr.Gaul: I’m giving everyone a f*ckin’ demerit! This mentorship is a waste of my time!
Coryo: Is my answer correct though?
Dr.Gaul: Why did I even consider you?! You’re just a stupid orphan!
Vipsania: Wow. She really went there. Poor Snowy.
Dr.Gaul: And you’re also useless like your dead father!
Coryo: But-
Felix: Ah-ha! Is the correct answer chicken? Everybody loves chicken!
Dr.Gaul: Ugh!😩 Why am I even trying?! These kids are dumb as a door nail!
Felix: So it’s chicken, right?
Dr.Gaul: Just f*ckin’ get out of my classroom!
Festus: But the bell-
Dr.Gaul: Who wants to become an Avox today?👿🔪
Everyone: *quickly runs away*
Dr.Gaul: That’s what I thought, you stupid cowards!
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cevansbrat0007 · 1 year
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Ok..so We know about Andy’s rules for Cookie jars right😂
So i imagine one day the girls are having cookies in their lunch at school …and one of their friend asked for one and they denied coz they are not allowed to give (maybe they are still in kindergarten at this point where they still didn’t know what that metaphor meant )
And after they come home…in evening..they are having dinner and one of girls say “Someone asked for our cookies at lunch daddy…but we didn’t gibe them coz you said no giving cookies to anyone”of course she is talking about the snack but Andy is positively wheezing at this point😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
For @elle14-blog1
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The Cookie Jar Jam
"Katrina, honey, why did I just find a bag of Oreos in your jacket pocket?" You hold it out, gently shaking its contents. "Why didn't you eat them at lunch?"
KitCat looks up from the book she's been reading to her Daddy. This had become her thing lately, insisting on reading Andy a bedtime story so he had "da bestest, sweetest dreams".
Her words exactly.
"I thought you liked those cookies, Sweet Pea." Your husband asks as he smooths a few stray copper-colored curls away from her forehead.
"I do, doh." Your baby girl mutters as she quietly closes her book about Spot's adventure to the circus. "But sumfin' happened tuhday so me and Sissy had to hide 'em."
KitCat heaves a dramatic sigh before falling backwards into the safety of her father's arms.
"What?" You ask, concern etched across your features. "What do you mean?"
Andy nods, shifting his daughter so that she can look up at him. "Why did you think you had to hide your cookies, baby?" He keeps his tone calm and even as he lightly strokes her back, but there's no mistaking the tension in his broad shoulders.
"I tol' her tah hide 'em cuz Ricky Martinez and his dumb brother kept askin' for 'em." Another voice chimes in from the direction of the stairs.
You watch in confusion as BiBi makes her way down the steps, adjusting her pink bonnet as she goes.
She brushes past you to go stand in front of Andy, her arms crossed over her chest as indignation radiates from her tiny body.
"Daddy. Dey are boys. And you say we no give boys our cookies. Dey kept askin' KitCat, so we put 'em up."
Not this whole cookie jar bullshit again. You think you yourself as you bury your face in your hands to muffle the groan that escapes your lips.
"Yep." KitCat chimes in, delicately pulling on Andy's shirt. "Dey no gettin' our cookie jars. I punch 'em first."
"Dat's right, Sissy. We did good, right Daddy?"
"Thank you, Lord." Andy murmurs as he beams down at them, feelings of fatherly pride emanating from every pore. "That's right, my incredibly beautiful, smart, and shrewd little daisies. I've never been more proud."
Your fingers go to your temples as you try to delicately massage your headache away.
"Andrew." You growl. "Can I see you in the kitchen, please?"
"Sure thing, baby girl." Standing, he swoops up your babies, holding one in each arm.
"I meant alone." Your hand goes to rub your slightly rounded belly. Lord give me strength...
"Eh, no can do. This proud dad moment calls for a celebration! Who wants ice cream?"
"Me!" BiBi and KitCat shout before high-fiving each other.
"No! We're already fifteen minutes past bedtime and --" You stop when you see they're not listening. "Three children. I am literally living in a house with three children." You grumble under your breath as your excited little family strides past you.
"Okay, but Mama would like to remind everyone in this house that sharing is caring!" You say as you follow them into the kitchen.
"Not when it comes to cookie jars!" Your man calls back. "We're keeping those on lock."
"Good to know, Andy Bear." You watch as your husband begins pulling out the fixings for hot fudge sundae. "Because after all this foolishness, this Barber babe just threw away her key."
"Huh!?" Andy's head whips around to look at you with his gorgeous blue eyes.
"I said what I said." You shrug. "Enjoy your ice cream everyone!"
END
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angelofverdum · 10 days
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Station 19 07x01
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So, we are back. Man, it's so unfair that when we finally got new showrunners they got canceled.
This episode was so meh. I know they had to establish what happened after the season finale and where this season is going but they need to stop with this crisis one thing. These cases are Boooring.
Vic is so smart, and pretty, and hot. She deserves every good thing in the world. I know Barret would kill it in an action scene, why is she getting these cases and with Theo nonetheless. I love that she didn't give a fuck about Theo making out with the other woman. And he looked so hurt ha ha loser.
Travis is so boring. He was boring, still boring, he will always be boring.
Now Captain Andy was ok, I guess. I just hate when shows believe their audience is dumb. Andy has some doubts about being captain so they decided to show it through Ghost Jack. Who, mind you, has always supported Andy in everything.
When Andy said "I support every single person that was promoted over me" mmm 🤔sort of, Maya would like a word, please.
I didn't like Maya's speech to Andy. I don't know why.
Now, I'm curious about where they are going with Jack's storyline. Is Grey Damon leaving the show or did he want to leave but now that this is the last season he is staying? Cause we barely cared about Jack, imagine now that he can't be a firefighter.
Natasha and Sullivan another snooze fest.
Now Maya and Carina, the only reason that I'm still watching this show. Like look how Maya looks at her
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Danielle you are acting choices never stop to amazed me.
First, Carina had a problem with the apartment then she didn't but she still does tho. So, they are moving to a house. I like this idea because they never tried to make the apartment look like Carina lived there, it barely looked like Maya's.
Then, they adopted a baby named Liam(?) surprising no one. But they're keeping the IVF idea.
My guess is that after a thousand seasons of trying to have a baby and Carina saying in talking about sperm and being pregnant, they didn't want to throw that storyline away.
The adoption felt rushed. They should have had at least a conversation about it because it wasn't their plan at all.
Also, it means they are rich, because a new house, a new baby, and IVF treatment all simultaneously? Honey, that's not cheap.
Having all that money and couldn't change the sheets for six seasons. But they will do it this season. It's ugly as hell but they did it.
Love Maya not caring a bit about Jack.
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Hate they chose that version of the kiss. Even though, as Danielle explained, they were fully making out. And I get it they were in a public space, Carina's job. They had to tone it down. But look at the material
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I'm not a writer AT ALL, but what if instead of having that conversation there in front of everybody, Carina took Maya to her office they had a conversation there and they could have kissed properly. Maybe, talk about adopting, just saying.
Like, you have enough creativity to have Travis having sex with Emmet, who's grieving btw, in a house where his mother is also grieving and with the door open.
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theoddcatlady · 3 months
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Nicky
It happened ten years ago. I was only eight years old. I woke up that morning to the smell of frying eggs and bacon.
Stumbling down the hallway, I was greeted by the sight of a dark haired woman at the stove, humming some friendly tune as she filled a cup to the near brim with orange juice. She turned to me and I nearly jumped out of my skin. In a sense she was pretty, but she had a vicious scar running down the left side of her face.
“Andy! You’re up!” She beamed as she picked up the plate stacked with a delicious smelling breakfast. “I had to run to the store, but I hope you like breakfast!”
Too shocked to say anything else, I replied, “I don’t have breakfast. Where’s my mom?”
The woman laughed and set the plate on the table, now cleared off of shredded bill envelopes and clutter. “She’s gone, so I’m here to make sure you’re all right. You can call me Aunt Nicole, or Nicky, whatever you prefer, I don’t mind! And while I’m here, you have breakfast!” She said in a chipper tone.
Feeling like this all might be a dream, I sat down at the table and took a bite of bacon. It was perfectly crisp, not burnt as it would’ve been if my mom had cooked it. She was always so tired, I normally had to fetch my dinner off the stove myself.
“Is she going to be back soon? My mom?” I asked after I swallowed, it was impolite to talk with your mouth full.
Nicky shrugged. “She didn’t say. Clean your plate, then you can show me your favorite cartoons, okay? Only until ten though- that’s when we’re going to the zoo!” She laughed and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.
The zoo? I remembered my mom telling me that our zoo trip wouldn’t happen this year, she was just too busy with work, but if Nicky was going to take me… I suppose it wouldn’t be too bad to let her stay, I figured, as I chowed down on breakfast.
Maybe you think I was a dumb kid, and I’ll understand that. Maybe I was. But you have to understand, my mom was a single parent working as many shifts as she could pick up. It wasn’t uncommon for her to send a babysitter my way when she couldn’t get home in time, although typically they were younger teens that spent all their time on the phone and maybe threw a frozen pizza in the oven for dinner.
Nicky was different in every way for the week she took care of me.
The house was cleaned top to bottom, I helped in the bathroom while Nicky handled mom’s bedroom. Every night meals were freshly cooked and done to perfection. I remember on Tuesday we had a pizza that she made from scratch. I watched her toss the dough in the air like a real chef and asked how she did that.
“I learned from a real chef,” Nicky winked and tossed the dough again, “in Italy.”
“Have you traveled a lot?” Nicky did have a slight accent, I believe it was British.
She nodded as she set the dough down onto the pan and started adding the toppings. “All over the world. Would you believe that I’ve met the queen?” She winked and I realized she was joking.
“No.”
“Good. You’re a smart kid, Andy. Don’t just believe things people tell you.” Nicky bit her bottom lip as she cracked open the oven to test the heat. “I never believe what the oven tells me. But this time it’s about right for the perfect pizza.”
It was the perfect pizza too.
Nicky was almost too good of a babysitter. It was like she wanted to be my mom. To be honest, I think she did want to be. She was… bizarre, in small ways. Ways I didn’t think about until much later. She was never home at night, and she always did her laundry in the morning, I could hear the machine banging around when I woke up. Whenever we went out, she slathered her arms and face in sunscreen, almost a ridiculous amount. I asked her about it once.
“I just have delicate skin.”
That was all she’d say about it before she’d change the subject. It was late summer so I accepted the excuse. She made sure I had sunscreen on at all times as well, but even if she was popping out to check the mailbox she’d grab the tube and start slathering it on. I found over a dozen bottles in the towel cabinet, stashed with the ibuprofen and cough medicine.
Nicky loved to read, we went to the library twice when she was there and would stock up on all sorts of books. Typically horror, but she made sure I picked out at least two books for myself the second time we went. I chose two books of the Boxcar Kids series, my mom had given me a few of her old ones and I couldn’t put them down. I still have those books, after everything went down I just never returned them.
It was one of the best weeks of my life, but every night I asked the same thing when Nicky tucked me into bed.
“Did you hear from mom yet?”
Every night, she’d just kiss my forehead and tell me to chase the dream butterflies. I never knew what she meant by that, but I always slept soundly.
The last night I woke up to quiet sobbing. I glanced at my alarm clock, the numbers 1:32 blared back in bright red. I slipped out of bed and into the hall, following the sound to my mother’s bedroom.
Nicky was curled up on my mother’s perfectly made bed, a photo album open next to her. I slowly walked up to Nicky and set a hand on her shoulder. “You should chase the dream butterflies too, Nicky,” I said. Nicky flinched and sat up. The room was dark but I could tell her mouth was covered in… something. I turned on the lamp.
Her mouth was soaked in bright red, along with her hands and shirt. Blood.
“Oh… Andy.” Her voice cracked as she picked me up and set me on the bed next to her, wrapping her arms around me. “I’m something horrible. I’ve done horrible things.”
I remained still in her arms, my eyes flicking open to the page in the album. It was a picture of the day I was born and my birth certificate, my mother proudly showed it to me every birthday and told me how she went through twelve hours of labor before I came into the world. And she’d go through those twelve hours again if she had to, she loved me so much. I might’ve not quite understood what ‘labor’ was about, but I knew she loved me very much.
“… Are you hurt?” I asked, reaching up to brush some of the blood of her mouth.
Nicky shook her head. “No, sweetheart. This isn’t my…” She trailed off and shook, shaking her head. “I thought… maybe, just maybe, I could make things better by taking care of you. I think I’m just making them worse. So much worse. Andy, I’m sorry. Do you forgive me?”
“Forgive you for what?” I asked.
“… Do you forgive me for the horrible things I’ve done to you?”
I frowned. “What horrible things?” I asked.
“The worst thing possible…. No, it’s not fair,” Nicky sighed and released me from her hold, “It’s not fair to ask you to forgive me.” She got up. “I have to leave, Andy… can I do anything else for you?”
I had one more question.
“Why do you have a scar, Nicky?”
Nicky reached up and brushed the side of her face. “… Horrible things happened to me too, Andy. The worst things. I suppose that’s why I can only do horrible things too.” She took the quilt and tucked it over me, smiling softly. “Go to sleep now, Andy, and chase those butterflies to the end of the world and back.”
I woke up the next morning to a police officer shaking my shoulder.
“Hey… Holy shit- guys, the kid’s here!”
Wiping the sleep from my eyes, I sat up and slipped out of bed. The police officer stumbled for words for a moment, whatever he’d been expecting, it certainly wasn’t this. “Andy? Are you okay?” He asked.
I looked around. “… Where’s Nicky?” I asked.
“We’ll find Nicky. We need to get you to the hospital.”
I think I baffled all the doctors and police with my case. When they broke into the apartment to find me, they expected to find this half starved kid, scared out of his wits and desperate to find his mother. But instead they found me dressed and clean, with the house taken care of and with a full stomach.
I think you can guess by now that my mother was dead. I was taken in by my dad, who had no idea I even existed, but he did okay with that. He’d remarried after he and my mom split and I had three half-siblings that I didn’t know existed. It was fun being the big brother and my stepmom Mika was super sweet.
She wasn’t my mom though. And she wasn’t Nicky.
I had to pry the rest of the story out of my dad when I was older. The reason there wasn’t police hammering down my door sooner was that my mom was a Jane Doe in the morgue. She’d been found practically shredded to pieces. The cause of death was bleeding out from an artery in her neck. Her body had been discovered a few blocks from her work, all forms of ID was missing, including her wallet.
My mom always had a picture of me and her in there. And they found that wallet, with bloody fingerprints, in my mom’s nightstand. Right next to where I was sleeping.
My dad still wonders why my mother’s murderer returned to her house only to care for her son, but I don’t need to wonder. I know.
I know this is a long shot, Nicky, but I remember you liked horror so maybe you’ll find this story. I know you killed my mom.
But I forgive you.
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miss-andromeda · 5 months
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2012 TMNT 😁
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The first character I first fell in love with: 
This should be a no-brainer...I think you know him. Tall, purple bandana, gap between the teeth, way too smart for his own good...yeah, it's him. 😌💜
The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: 
Honestly, Raph! I started the show thinking very surface-level of him; awesome ninja, anger issues, stuff like that. Then when I started rewatching the show, I started to see how vulnerable and soft he could be with his brothers - along with unbelievably sassy he can be. Seriously, dude has some of my favorite one-liners in the whole show.🤣❤️
The character everyone else loves that I don’t: 
Oh, this is gonna be interesting...I'm gonna be blunt here, Leo. Don't get me wrong, I like him a lot and he has some amazing moments, but he doesn't necessarily have the snark that makes Raph and Donnie stand out, and the sunshine and humor that makes Mikey so endearing. I love Blue, but he's 4th place out of the four. 💙
The character I love that everyone else hates: 
Hmm...probably Shredder. I've seen people say that his motivation is pretty lame (which, in some way, it kind of is) but he's not just a bratty child. He's a really twisted villain and seems to really believe his motivations are completely justified - and you can't deny he's completely ruthless in battle. Really exemplifies the concept of the head of the Foot - and honestly, I think he's a great villain.
The character I used to love but don’t any longer:
Probably April. I liked her a lot when I was younger (the concept of girl power and she's got a potential romance with my favorite turtle? Sign me up!), but once I got older...she really grated on my nerves. Don't get me wrong, I like her in season 1; she's an inexperienced teenager who's dealing with the pain of having her dad be kidnapped and is meeting some new friends along the way. Season 2 onwards? I wanted to strangle her. Not just because of the love triangle (although that is a part of it,) but also because she lost a lot of that awkwardness that made her likable in season 1, and just became a cliche girlboss. But she wasn't even likable there; she just felt like the token female character needed to add "diversity" to the group.
The character I would totally smooch: 
See my first answer. 💜
The character I’d want to be like: 
Probably Raph; minus the short temper, I'd love to have the skills he has and the undying love with an animal - be it Spike/Slash or Chompy. Plus, the sass. ❤️
The character I’d slap: 
Well, I already mentioned April, but I like her in season 1 so that saves her. And it's kind of a cliche choice to pick a villain, so let's pick someone that I've despised since the beginning - even when I was a dumb kid.
Casey.
Does he get better in later seasons? Yeah, I'd say so; he becomes less in your face and more...just annoying, but kinda like Mikey annoying where you can't hate him. But in season 2, I wanted to strangle him too - and admittedly, still kinda do. He's way too obnoxious for his own good, is way too gross in his flirting with April (he's not chauvinistic or anything, but you just roll your eyes a lot of the time), and doesn't back up his bragging or anything with actually being likable, unlike Raph.
So yeah, he's the one.
A pairing that I love:
If you asked me this when I was a kid, I would've said Apritello - April and Donnie. Now, I don't shame anyone if they ship them, but let's just say I way prefer my version in All's Fair in Love and Science (shameless self-promo 😅) where they love each other platonically and April shamelessly teases him about his crush on my OC, Andi.
But to answer, a pair that I love? Mikey and Renet, personally. She captures that inexperience as a Time Master wonderfully, and she never comes off like an idiot - she's just trying to find her footing. And Mikey's so in awe of her that it's kind of adorable. They both have that same kind of childish, free spirit that makes me just want to protect them. 😅🧡
A pairing that I despise: 
Okay, there are two.
One is the aforementioned Apritello. I used to like them as a kid, but watching it in hindsight is just cringeworthy. Don't get me wrong, I am all for Donnie having a crush (and admittedly, I'm a sucker for the love at first sight trope), but did they have to make it so forced and awkward? And I understand April feeling uncomfortable and not wanting to ruin their friendship about his feelings for her, but that's what communication is. And by not having that, she just kept leading him on and making him think he had a chance - only to either ignore him or just continue treating him like just a friend. It was so forced and awkward and...ugh.
And for the obvious - Leorai, Leo and Karai. Okay, who thought it was a good idea to imply that two siblings could have a romance - and have it be canon that one sibling had a crush on the other? Don't get me wrong, I love Karai; she's bar none my favorite female character in the show. And like I said, I love Leo - but the crush he had on Karai is what brings his character down for me. If they wrote him as impressed by her skills and seeing the good in her from a platonic point of view, it would've been sweet - and added another layer to Leo's character. But no, they went with the pseudo-incest perspective and made us all creeped out.
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Thank you for the ask, girl! ❤️
@kikithedreamerwriter @m1dnyt3-w0lf @margoteve @jasminarts01 @thelaundrybitch @raphsmuneca @happymoonangel @android-cap-007
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boldlyvoid · 2 years
Text
Breakable Heaven | Chapter Five: Caught
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18+
Summary: Her father is sitting on the porch waiting for her when she gets home...
Warnings: oral (fem receiving), angst, fighting, protective dad!Aaron, crying, alcohol consumption, love confessions
Word Count: 6k
Masterlist
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He has a bit of a panic attack when he realizes his daughter isn’t in her room anymore, but her window is wide open.
“Andy?!” He calls from the stairwell, he runs down and checks the kitchen, the living room, and the laundry room, but she’s nowhere to be found. 
“She fucking snuck out again,” he starts digging in his closet for a pair of jeans like he’s going to go out and find her himself. 
“And what are you going to do about it? Huh?” Haley stares him down. “If your daughter has a boyfriend at 19, let her!! Leave her alone!” 
“But she’s sneaking out,” Aaron raises his voice right back. “She’s not here. I don’t know where she is. I don’t know if she’s safe or dead or what?” 
“Just because the worst always happens at work, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to her,” she reaches out for his hand and holds it. Pulling him closer to the bed and making him sit on the edge. “This is no different than when she didn’t live with us. We didn’t know what she was doing at all hours of the day then either… and sure, it would be nice to know where she goes but we’re not entitled to that information anymore, Aar-bear.” 
“What do you know?” 
“What?” She plays dumb. 
“Andy’s dating someone, isn’t she?” 
“She said it’s just a summer fling, and it’s none of your business,” Haley doesn’t give him any more than he needs to know. “He’s nice, she’s happy, if something goes wrong she promises to tell you before it’s too late.” 
He lets out a deep sigh and plops down on the bed beside her, “I hate this.” 
“She’s safe,” Haley smiles, “believe me, with him… she’s safe.” 
“It’s Reid isn’t it?” He sighs, he had a feeling she was going for him. Even though she said she wouldn’t do anything to ruin his team's dynamic, he knew Reid was good at keeping secrets and thus nothing would change unless Aaron made it change. 
“I think so,” she smiles, turning to him full of excitement, “Aar-bear, she’s found a man who will listen to her, care for her, do anything for her… not only because he’s never had anything like this before and doesn’t want to lose her, but because he is truly respectful and kind.” 
“That’s the worst part,” he finally lets his fear out. “I’ve seen people in this unit be targeted before. I’ve seen so many people die on the job and leave people in ruins, I don’t want that to happen to her.” 
“Do you really think Spencer Reid would become the victim of a psychopath? He’s the least confrontational,” Haley laughs, thinking she knows him from the small number of stories he’s told her and the handful of times she met him. 
“He’s so incredibly smart, he has cracked the last 14 cases we’ve invited him on. He knows the ins and outs of a criminal's mind in a way I envy, and if I’m jealous of the way he can figure shit out, imagine how pissed the criminals are?” 
“I never thought of it like that,” Haley thinks twice. “So, are you not afraid of leaving me broken and alone?” 
He tilts his head to the side and looks at her with a brow raised, “the difference is I will kill someone with my bare hands if they come near you or Andy or Jack. Spencer can’t shoot his way out of a wet paper bag, how is he supposed to protect her?” 
She looks at him the same way he just looked at her, “did you really just ask who’s going to protect Andrea Jane Hotchner?” 
“I know she can protect herself,” he lays flat on his back and stares up at the ceiling, trying his hardest not to cry. “I just wish I had longer to protect her. She’s not a little girl anymore… when the fuck did that happen?” He covers his face as he cries.
“Oh Aar,” she tries to cuddle him but her big bump gets in the way, he turns into her hug and holds her as close as possible. “It’s okay, she’s still your little girl, no matter how big she gets.” 
He nods, “I know that… how do I accept it though?” 
“What’s your number one wish for her?” 
“For her to be happy,” he says it before he can even really think why she would ask. 
“So watch her change, let her be happy and grow to love this new Andy we’re going to get through her summer lover,” Haley keeps eye contact with him so he really listens. “You know what it’s like, my dad hated you, and he still does, but you don’t have to hate Spencer. You could embrace this, expand your bond with Andy…” 
“I can try,” he really does think he could… 
But when he wakes up, he doesn’t feel the same. 
She’s not there when his alarm goes off. She’s still not there when he makes coffee. His anger builds inside, she knew this wasn’t cool when she did it as a teenager, why would she keep doing it now when she so desperately wants to be treated like an adult? 
So he does the least rational thing possible and he takes his coffee and he walks to the end of the driveway where he stands by the gate and he waits. 
When the sun comes through the window and lands directly on her closed eyelids, she knows she fucked up. 
She sits up in a panic, making Spencer startle in his sleep under her. They fully passed out together after having sex in the back of his car and now it was morning. 
“Oh shit,” she starts looking for her clothes, realizing they’re still outside the car… on the lawn by the lake… 
She wraps the blanket around herself, leaving Spencer naked in the back seat, half asleep, so she can run out and get their clothes. “Fuck, fuck,” she scolds herself, picking up the dew-covered clothes. They were basically soaking wet, she wasn’t going to be able to get back into her jeans easily, it was uncomfortable and damp, making her feel even worse. 
“I’m sorry,” Spencer comes out with a blanket wrapped around himself too, “I’m so sorry, I was just going to let you sleep on me for a few minutes and then I passed out too.” 
“It’s not your fault,” she explains as she slips back into her shirt. “I’m just anxious, it’s not your fault.” 
“I can still feel bad,” he picks up his things and starts getting dressed too. 
She takes a deep breath before things get ugly, she’s seen her parents, well her dad and Haley, fight about dumb things and not talk for days. Thats nowhere near where she wants to take her future relationships. 
“I had a good time, though,” she reminds him with a sweet smile. “I would do it again in a heartbeat.”
“Yeah?” He looks her up and down, studying her. 
“Absolutely,” she steps into his space and wraps her arms around him, he holds her waist and brings her in so they’re chest to chest. 
“I have to bring you home before you’re never allowed outside again,” he teases. “But I’m not ready to stop holding you yet.” 
“We’ll have to plan something,” she can’t stop staring at his lips while he talks. “I’ll tell them I’m going to Jasmin’s new apartment and we can spend the whole day in bed together.” 
“The whole day?” He’s intrigued. “What would the itinerary be? 
“Cuddles, breakfast in bed, sex, cuddles, lunch, more sex,” she can’t help but smirk. “Definitely a lot of sex.” 
“I’m sorry about last night,” he apologizes through a smirk, not wanting to get fixated on sex, especially when he didn’t want to have it last night.
“It’s okay,” she smiles, “I still had a wonderful time, clearly,” she gestures to what just happened, and he was still half naked. “and I understand and respect your choice completely. I wouldn’t want to lose my virginity in my mom's car either.” 
“I want to make it special when we do go all the way, for both of us,” he clarifies that last part, staring deep into her matching honey brown eyes. “From the stories you’ve told me, that guy was a dickhead and a half for knowing it was your first time and not doing a single thing to pleasure you.” 
“They do say first the worst, second the best,” she remembers that saying from her mom. “By they, I mean my mom. If I lost a game she said that, and once we won and I was sad we won, actually.” 
“Really?” He thinks thats so cute of her. “Why?” 
“I felt that sadness before, so my mom encouraged me to go shake all their hands a second time and invite them to pizza with our team,” she remembers it fondly. “My mom was always so cool like that.” 
“She sounds amazing,” he agrees, flashing her a sad smile and pulling her in for a tight hug. “Can I meet her someday?” 
“She died, Spence?” She knows he literally can't forget the things she tells him, so why would he forget that? 
“I know,” he pulls away with a serious look on his face, he brings his hands up to cup hers. “But is she buried somewhere here or do you have her ashes? I can still meet her where she lays.” 
Chills cover her body, and tears well in her eyes as she nods, “y-yeah, um, I can take you to her sometime. Um, my grandparents have her ashes in Virginia Beach, they live there now.” 
He wipes her tears and presses a sweet kiss to her nose and then to her lips, “she’s watching over you, and I’d like to let her know I’m on her side, I’m never going to hurt you.” 
Her heart stops then. She freezes. 
If this were a movie you’d hear the record scratch as the video comes to a screening halt. The narrator comes on screen she takes out a sun chair and a bag of popcorn and looks at the audience, “you see this part?” She points at the screen. “This is the part where she falls in love with him.” 
“I mean it,” Spencer continues. “Even if this is just for fun and you don’t really want to date me later, the last thing on my mind is hurting you.” 
“O-okay,” she nods lightly, blinking a few times as she snaps back into it. “I uh, I think I should get back home now…” 
“Yeah,” he breaks away from her. “Let me just get my pants back on,” he can’t help but laugh. 
She can’t laugh. She’s emotionally frozen in the feeling brewing inside of her. It was awful. Like anxiety that she’s never felt before, she could compare it to yearning, she could compare it to excitement… what she didn’t know, is that it was an all-encompassing, devouring power of true love that was rushing through her that made her feel so sick to her stomach. 
And not just any old love… secret love. 
She couldn’t tell him! No way. That was the last thing she wanted to do! So she gets all the way dressed, she gathers her things and she sits back down in the passenger seat of his car. 
“Are you okay?” He asks as he gets in. 
She nods, “just exhausted.” It’s a good lie, cause he looked pretty tired too. “Um, can you drop me off at the end of the hill? I think my dad will be waiting in the driveway to catch you. He did it the very last time I snuck out.” 
“Yeah,” he starts the engine and then turns to her, “don’t worry, he won’t catch us.” 
“Good,” she gives him a small smile and then looks out the window, wishing for a greater power to make sure things go right. 
it’s hard to keep her composure while they drive back to her neighbourhood. He’s everything she’s ever wanted, so why is she so terrified of these feelings? 
When he pulls up to the end of her street, she leans over and steals a quick kiss from him before reaching for her things and starting to leave, “really?” Spencer stops her. 
“You’re not going to say anything?” 
“I’m incredibly anxious,” she admits, “I need to go sneak back inside and my dads probably waiting to yell at me, so I’m sorry if I’m not being the best fuck buddy right now.” 
“Okay,” he lets her go, there isn’t a real goodbye, she just closes the door behind herself and watches him drive off before she starts the walk back home. 
She sees her dad waiting on the porch with the newspaper and his coffee. She just keeps walking toward him, “I don’t need the lecture. I hate myself enough for the both of us right now.” 
“What did you do?” He fears the worst instantly. 
“Legally I can’t tell you,” she lies. Only making her father's blood boil. 
“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” 
“It means I was at Jasmine's all night and I didn’t want to turn the alarm off and wake Haley so I went out the old way,” she lies convincingly. “I slept terribly, sitting up straight I might add. Nothing freaky happened, I’m exhausted.” 
“Well,” he huffs to himself and folds his arms. “I guess this is punishment enough for you… just, next time can you leave a note, or call me?” 
She nods, “I don’t know if there will be a next time.” 
“Something happen between you and Jas?” He’s so concerned. 
She shakes her head, tears welling, “it’s her boyfriend… they’re fighting and I was there as a mediator but, god, it’s so stupid. I love her, and I want her to be happy, right?” 
He pulls her in for a hug and rubs her back. “If you’re lying to me, I won’t be mad if you change to the truth right now.” 
She sobs against him, “I can’t yet. I don’t even want to admit it to myself.” 
He huffs again, still pissed but unable to get mad at her. “Well, Marble missed you which meant he was whining most of the night at your door, so, along with a note, don’t keep the door closed on him?” 
She laughs with a sniffle, “thank you for being a little calm, I was bracing to get kicked out… I’m sorry.” 
“I hate seeing you cry,” he says as she pulls away, he cups her cheeks in his hands and wipes her tears with his thumbs. “Promise me you’re okay?” 
She nods, “I will be… being 19 is weird.” 
“Just be thankful you’re not figuring it out with a kid,” he reminds her. “I just don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did.” 
“I mean, if I was guaranteed a kid like me I’d do it too,” she teases him but all he does is give her another hug. 
“You are pretty great… just,” he presses his lips together with a hug as he thinks about his next words. 
“What?” She pulls away, nervously. 
“It upsets me that you don’t want to share parts of your life with me anymore.” 
“If I told you I was in a car with a man you know doing things you wouldn’t approve of, you’d be able to keep your cool?” She asks him, point blank. “Hypothetically, of course.” 
He grinds his teeth together in order to keep his mouth shut as the anger fills him. “Mhm.” 
“See, that right there is why cause if I was actually doing crazy shit like that I can’t just come home and tell you. I’d love to, believe me, but that’s not something daughters share with their fathers when it happens.” 
She had a point.
He sighs with both hands on his hips now, she always laughed at the way he tucked his white shirt into his checkered pyjama pants. He was like an old man at heart, it was comforting. “Well, there’s coffee in the pot or you can head upstairs and get some more sleep.” 
“I’m going to show first,” she presses her lips together awkwardly as she backed up slowly. “Again, super sorry I snuck out, I’ll tell you before I go do adult things with agents in their cars next time.” 
“Not funny.” 
“at least I’m telling the truth this time,” she calls back and then runs up the stairs as fast as she could.
The dog ran from Haley's room to hers as soon as the door was open and joined her, he jumped up on the bed waiting for a scratch and some cuddles. She did just that, throwing her jacket to the floor and scooping the fluffy dog up for a snuggle. “At least someone missed me.” He licks her face just once, making her laugh before she put him back down on the bed. 
She heads to her bathroom, leaving the door open so Marble can come and go as he pleases. 
But she gets caught up in the mirror as she undresses. She’s covered in a mix of hickies and mosquito bites. She smells like lake water from skinny dipping and her hair is gross. Her fingers travel down her neck, between her breasts and down her chest, following the trail Spencer left last night. 
She still feels terrible. 
Last night he was so good to her, that he finally did what the both of them had been waiting for… but it never went any further. 
They kicked off their clothes and splashed around in the water a bit, swimming out as far as they could before the seaweed freaked him out. Then, standing where the water was just high enough to cover their necks, she floated there with her legs wrapped around him and her hands resting on his shoulders. 
It was strange just talking about their personal lives while their naked bodies touched. So it, of course, started to heat up… first with questions, then kissing and then grinding against his erection until he was dragging her out of the water and laying her down on a blanket in his backseat. 
He kissed her neck and palmed her breasts as he hovered over her, her skin probably tasted like lake water but it didn’t stop him. He kissed down the cavern between her breasts, squeezing them together quickly so he can kiss them together and make her giggle. 
He keeps kissing south, spreading her legs further as he drops to his knees on the car floor, he looks up at her through thick lashes and then down at her miraculous pussy. “wow…” 
“Show me what you’ve wanted to do,” she whispered, running her fingers through his damp hair gently. “Please, baby?” 
He kisses the inside of her thigh first, caressing her skin with his prickly cheek as he savoured the moment. 
She doesn’t remember much after that, eyes closed, windows foggy, Spencer moaning against her heat as if he was being pleasured and not her… he loved it, she fucking loved it, arching her back in the seat she holds his hair while she cums on his face. 
“More, more,” she pulls him up, reaching for his cock to see it softening, his own cum in his hand, he was jerking off the whole time which only filled her with more heat. “no way…” 
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t wait,” he apologizes, breathing heavily as he comes down from his own high. He grabs some tissues from his centre console and wipes his hand off, “you were just so fucking hot and you taste so good…” 
She laughs and relaxes against the seat again, “how long till you’re hard again?” 
“Why?” 
“So we can have sex?” She laughs, “isn’t that the whole reason why we came out here tonight?” 
“Uh,” he gets embarrassed, swallowing sharply and turning a brighter shade of pink, illuminated by the moonlight. “Um… can I be honest with you?” 
She’s nervous as all hell, but she nods. 
“I want my first time to be in a bed… I want to have you over for dinner and light candles and be sappy, but if you’re not into that, or this isn’t that kind of thing, then we can do it here, now, sure…” 
“No,” she sits right up and pulls him onto the seat so she can cuddle into him, “sweetheart, that sounds wonderful, I don’t want to rush you if you’re not ready…” 
“I am… just, not to do it here,” he confirmed once more. Grabbing the blankets and getting them all cozied up in the backseat.
She snaps herself out of it then, turning on the shower so that she could hide the sound of her sobs with the water. She knew she was going to cry because the next thing she remembered from their magical night together was waking up that morning and him saying he still wants to meet her mom…
And, by god, her mom would’ve loved him too. 
Spencer knows he fucked up when Hotch slams a handful of files down on his desk, “I need these done by lunch.” 
“Yes, sir…” he doesn’t question it, but he knows there’s something wrong. 
The rest of the team notices it too as he doesn’t hand the rest of the team any files, he simply walks back up to his office and harshly closes the door. 
“What the fuck was that?” Derek whispered to Elle from his desk. 
She shrugs, “I have no idea?” 
They make a plan using their eyes, Derek heads up to JJ’s office and Elle makes her way over to Spencer’s desk. “Do you want some help?” 
He shakes his head, scanning through the files and making sure they replayed the series of events correctly enough to be passed on to the higher-ups. All he really had to do was add details and initials on different pages, it wasn’t that hard, that’s why they normally split it up to go through them faster. 
“Do you want to talk about it?” 
“Nope,” he keeps working. “It’s not a team issue, it’s an Aaron issue.” 
“You’re using his first name now…”
“Might as well if he thinks I’m fucking his daughter,” he mumbles. 
“What?” 
He turns to Elle and places a finger over his lips. “Andy and I are good friends, we’ve been bonding over being former gifted kids, we talk on the phone most nights and I helped her paint her brother's room this weekend… but then I also snuck her out so we could go star gazing together and we fell asleep in the back of my car and he thinks we had sex.” 
It’s not the true series of events that took prior 2 nights ago, but it was as close to the truth as he could get. “She’s probably my best friend.” 
“And you have a crush on her?” Elle sees right through it. 
He nods, “but it’s not like that. It’ll probably never be like that.” 
“Don’t sell yourself so short, buddy,” she pats his shoulder gently, “I’m sure the more she gets to know you, the harder it’ll be to stay just friends.” 
“But I don’t want Hotch to literally murder me?” He leans in closer as he whispers, true terror in his voice. 
“Prove to him that you’re trustworthy, take on extra responsibilities, pass your gun qualifications, crack more cases, if you’re on your A-game then he has no reason to not trust you with his daughter,” she rationalizes it. “Just, don’t break her heart.” 
“Oh, I could never,” Spencer knows that for sure. “She’ll probably break mine though."
“Why’s that?” 
“After I dropped her off that morning, she didn’t even say goodbye she just kissed me and ran… and I called her every night since like I normally do and she hasn’t answered. I don’t know what I did wrong?” 
“You can always just go talk to her, face to face?” 
“When?” 
Elle gets closer, “hotch stays late, now if we finish these you can leave before he does, you can go to her house and throw rocks at her window.”
“I did that on Saturday,” he manages to smile. “it’s only been a few nights, I’ll call again tonight and if I don’t hear from her maybe I’ll do that…” 
Elle pats his back, “good luck, my friend.”
It was only Wednesday night and she was back to her old tricks again. 
“Where is she?” Aaron asks as he enters the master bedroom that night. He rips his tie off, gets out of his dress shirt and sits on the edge of the bed with a huff. 
“I can’t believe her.” 
“I’m so tired,” Haley groans, “maybe if you didn’t come home at 10pm every night, you’d know where your kid is.” 
Instead of thinking rationally, he picks up the home phone on his night table and calls the one, the only, Spencer Reid. 
“Where is she?” 
“What?” Spencer plays dumb. 
“Andrea. Is she with you?” 
“No, sir, I haven’t seen her since that Saturday when we painted Jack's room,” he sounds so sincere but Aaron still doesn’t trust him. 
“You have an hour to find her and return her to this house, do you hear me?” 
“Yes sir,” he replies and then the line goes dead. 
“She’s going to hate you for that.” 
“Don’t care,” he finishes getting undressed and ready for bed. “I’m so fucking tired of this, Haley. It’s like she doesn’t respect me in the slightest. All I’ve done my whole life is work my ass off to insure she had a wonderful life and she repays me by fucking one of my agents and sneaking out of the house. The house I pay for and let her still live in… she forgets that part too.” 
“So ask her to pay rent, if she’s going to treat our house like an apartment where she can come and go, make her pay for it too…” 
Half asleep and yet still the smartest woman he knows. He climbs into bed beside her and kisses the top of her head as she moves in closer for a cuddle. “Then she’ll have to get a job and won’t have time for Spencer…”
“Or you calling Spencer to pick her up is just going to push her to keep seeing him. Cause to me, it looks like you trust him enough to get her home safely…”
“fuck…” 
He didn’t think about that. 
She was drunk off her tits for the first time in years, grinding against Jasmine as they moved to the rhythm in the middle of the dance floor. She was trying to have a good time. All she wanted was to forget the fact that she was in love, but every song reminded her. 
She still sang along, jumping to the beat with her arm in the air, shouting with everyone, it was as fun as it could be for a Wednesday night in downtown DC. 
Jasmine pulls her off the dance floor and towards the bathroom where it’s quieter, “do you not feel that?” 
“What?” She’s too drunk to really even understand her. 
“Your phone is buzzing in your pocket, nonstop, it sounds important,” Jasmine explains as she reaches into her pocket for her and picks it up. “Hello? Well, hi Spencer, it’s nice to talk to you finally.”
She's too busy looking at her hair in the mirror to pay attention to the phone call, simply in her own little drunk world. 
“Andy? Yeah, she’s with me, we’re at Blank Space, the dance bar downtown, do you know it?” 
That makes her snap back into it. 
“Don’t tell him that,” Andy reaches for the phone and tries to get it back. “I don't want to talk to him.” 
“Yes you do,” Jasmine fights back, pushing her away and keeping the phone to her ear. “She’s super drunk, can you come'n help me with her? Thank you, I’ll see you soon.” 
“Why would you do that!!!” Andy yells at her. “I can’t talk to him!” 
“Why not?” Jasmine had no clue what was going on and before tonight, Andy wanted to keep it that way. 
“Nothing, I just don’t want to see him tonight, this is my night,” she tries to lie but her words slur and she makes too much eye contact with Jasmine before leaning into her. “You’re pretty, not as pretty as Spencer, but, pretty.” 
“Is that why you don’t want to see him like this?” Jas laughs. 
She nods and looks around to see not many people paying attention to her meltdown as they wait to use the toilets. She leans in close to whisper, “he can’t know that I’m in love with him.” 
Jas smiles, “what’s the worst that could happen?” 
“He loves me back and we get married and have kids and I have to be an FBI agents wife and live alone in a big house and only see him on weekends and our kids will barely know him and I’ll miss him and then he’ll get hurt or die and never come home and if I never see him again I’ll never be okay and—
“Okay, okay, back it up sister,” she pulls her in for a hug and holds her close to her chest to calm her down. “Spencer isn’t your father, he isn’t like the other agents, deep down you know that.” 
“I’m still scared…” 
“That’s the fun part,” Jas reminds her. “Love wouldn’t be worth it if it didn’t scare the shit out of you… Remember we went to Six Flags for spring break and you kept wanting to go on the rollercoasters even though the first ride scared you so bad?” 
She nods, “it does feel like I’m going click click click on my way to the top right now…” she can’t help but laugh, fumbling around on her heels a bit, she probably won’t remember this tomorrow. 
Jasmine smiles at her softly, “falling is the fun part. Let yourself go.” 
She nods, agreeing just to get the conversation to stop, “can we get another drink before he comes to get me?” 
She shakes her head, “I think you’re drunk enough… come on, let’s go wait by the doors for him.”
“Fine,” she sighs and follows her out the door, they squeeze by a bunch of people, she’s hit on a few times before they make it to the bag and coat check, they grab their things and then she’s out in the fresh air again. 
She walks out with her arms spread wide, almost right into the street, “ahh, I love the fresh air at 1 in the morning.” 
“It’s 11 pm,” the bouncer corrects her. “How are you this drunk I let you in an hour ago?” 
“What can I say?” She asks, eyes barely able to stay open and she stumbles towards him, “boys love me.”
“I’m sure,” he laughs, “you taking her home?” He asks jasmine. 
She shakes her head, “no, her boyfriend is on his way for her. I just live over there,” she points towards her apartment complex. 
“Make sure she gets home safe,” the big muscle-y man had a big heart, he cared. 
“Awe, you’re so nice,” she swoons and goes to hug him, way too drunk.
“Andy,” Jas scolds her and pulls her back over. “Leave the nice man alone, Spencer’s here.” 
“Aw man,” her shoulders slump and she starts to cry. “I don’t want to go with him.” 
“Pull yourself together,” Jasmine holds her face in her hands and makes her look at her, “you get in his car, he’s going to take you home and put you in your bed and hope to gd your father doesn’t kill him, okay?” 
She nods, still crying. “I guess.” 
“Is she okay?” Spencer hurries over. “Andy, angel, what’s wrong?” 
“I’m fine,” she waves him away, “just—just, take me home.” 
“Okay,” he holds her by the arm and guides her towards his car and into the back seat, he buckles her in and says a quick thank you to Jasmine, “do you want a ride up to your apartment?” 
“Oh, thank god,” she gets in the passenger seat, “I didn’t want to walk the hill in heels.” 
He thanks the bouncer, ensures the girls are safe with him and then gets back into his car with a sigh. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think she’d get this drunk,” Jasmine apologizes to the both of them.
“I’m just glad she’s safe with you,” he shakes his head and then rubs his face, “Aaron called me, I had an hour to find her and get her home and it’s been 57 minutes…” 
“Shit,” she whispers from the backseat, crying harder. 
Spencer quickly drops Jasmine off at her apartment and boogies down the road back to Andy’s house, driving faster than she’s ever seen him drive before, truly scared of what her father will do to him if he’s late… which he is. 
“Seriously, are you okay?” He asks, looking at her through the rearview mirror. 
“I hate secrets,” she mumbles. 
“What?” 
“Secrets!! They suck!” She leans in closer so he can hear her. “I hate keeping this secret just to have you in my life.” 
“It was your idea…” 
“Yep. I’m just chock full of bad ideas and terrible secrets.” 
“No you aren’t,” he argues. 
“You don’t know me…” 
“Yes, I do. Nothing you say will scare me away at this point.” 
“I LOVE YOU!!! okaY!! Is that what you wanted to hear? Isn’t that just the worst thing you’ve ever heard?”
He looks up into the mirror again, the grin on his face was of pure pride and joy.
“I love you, Spencer Reid. I have loved you since I saw you in that suit with your wonky tie and I’ve been fucking terrified of it ever since! And then!!! Then you went and told me you want to meet my mom…” 
He pulls onto her street and then over to the side of the road so he can turn around and look at her. “Are you just drunk or do you really mean that?” 
She unclips her seatbelt and dives for him, hands on his cheeks as she kisses him right on the lips. She climbs into the front seat and sits in his lap, squished between him and the steering wheel but she didn’t care. She kisses his cheeks and his nose, all while he giggles and wraps his arms around her middle, “I’ll take that as a yes.” 
She nods, not saying anything more, just kissing every inch of exposed skin she can find on his face and neck. 
“I’m very much in love with you, too, Andy,” he admits in a soft voice. “But I need to get you home and into bed, and if you feel the same tomorrow, we’ll talk more about it then, okay?” 
She nods and gets into the passenger seat instead, she sighs as her head hits the headrest, “fine, take me home.” 
It’s only a minute up the road, she gives him the gate code and he rolls right up behind her father's suburban once again. 
Aaron meets them in the front hall, “did you do this?” 
“Nope,” she places her hand on her father's chest to steady herself while Spencer helps her out of her heels. “Heee just picked me up, cause yoouu cut the night short.” 
“I’m sorry it took so long, I had to call her and she wasn’t picking up and then I got Jasmine on the phone and found them,” Spencer hurries his apology out. 
“Don’t apologize,” Andy points at Spencer. “You did nothing wrong, baby.” 
Spencer's face goes bright red, eyes wide as he stares right at Hotch. 
“Dad, Spencer is spending the night, since you made him come get me and he lives sooo far away,” Andy grabs him by his tie and starts pulling him up the stairs. “No sex! I promise, cause we can’t have sex yet anyway, Spence’s not reeeaady…” 
Aaron doesn’t even know how to respond, he just watches it happen and lets it. “okay…” 
“I’m sorry, sir,” Spencer follows Andy but he keeps his eyes on Hotch, terrified for tomorrow. 
Permanent tag list 
@goldensonlyangel @doctorspenceryeet @samuel-de-champagne-problems @reiding-recs @shemarmooresfedora @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @blanchardsbk @measure-in-pain @dreams-in-blxck @doc-padfoot @nomajdetective @xoxospencerreid @mggswhorificlover @dinonuggets1967 @meganskane @kya-li @reidsbookclub @muffin-cup @one-sweet-gubler @shirleyrose @reidsacademia @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm @spooky-goob @strawberryspence @thatsonezesty13 @lonewolf471 @a-mended-pact @ssa-uglywhore27 @hotchandspencearedilfs @venomsvl 
@fightingdragonswithreid @mortallythoughtfulgurl @bohemianrhapsody86 @allybatch @crypticcorvidinacottage @reidslibrarybook @mrsobrien888 @malindacath @simplyparker @gspenc @spenciesprincess @mrskatpotter @starrylang 
@1mechanicalalligator
@hotched @mrs-dr-reid @wander-lustbabe @scargarcia-magshotchner @reidselle @probablycryingg @stillsleepynat @ncsls0515 
BH
@elhotchner 
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libelle949 · 9 months
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Okkkaaaaay, i loved the volume!
More under cut not to spoil much
1. For new Andy stans it was awesome. I felt loved and not intimidated by other girls since Andy is coded to be only into MC (so far) 🥰
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And he is sooo cute, we had so much time to chat and learn stuff about him, why couldn’t FB do the same with Jamal? I mean i know more about a new casa boy than about OG boy i was “together” from day one 😭
2. Hehe Hamish slander Wednesday is a thing in Fusebox too, it seems. He won’t be taken to the main villa i am afraid (unfortunately)
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3. I am happy I am not into Marshall, cause he is coded for Amelia (so far) and she doesn’t look sneaky in my playthrough. We are still besties.
4. Grace finally admitting there is not all unicorns and rainbows with Ozzy, but still wanting to stick is sooo dumb. I am afraid Ozzy will switch and she will have to walk… 😭 Maybe next volume after seeingthe postcard she changes her mind 🤞(and brings my buddy Francis to the villa)
5. Writing is all over the place… everyone thinks i am into Elliot still, Jamal was mentioned only twice. (Btw i said the note was from Elliot, so naive of me thinking it will make it be true). Jeez Elliot who?
So yeah deciding for Andy was smart (so far). Let’s see how things unfold next week.
(Please, Andy don’t be like Johnny😭)
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papalouiemutual · 5 months
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andy is the best option on dan and phil's new gaming video and you CAN'T CHANGE MY MIND
yes i'm making a mini essay about this because i'm so opinionated but mostly just really excited for the gaming channel to be back let's look at the options, shall we?
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sean - "nicknamed 'mr. know it all.'" dan's interpretation of this in the video is that he's a mansplainer, but in his defense, it could just mean that he's surprisingly smart. especially being surrounded by jocks, if we're going based on stereotypes, they'd make fun of him for having any type of knowledge on anything besides sports - "hopes to win the world record for the longest kiss." this one's unclear for me. it could be a green flag because he has a niche passion, but it could also be weird. like i don't know, maybe he's just focused on the kiss and not actually winning the record.. he'd have to be genuinely committed to the record for me to be into it. especially since beating that record would not be pleasant - "has a pet boa constrictor." HONESTLY.. such a huge green flag for me. having a pet of his own at all is already a green flag, but the fact that it's an underappreciated animal? love that. it adds to the view of him being a bit out of place in his circle of jock friends. no notes - "always spits when he talks." it's objectively a bit gross, but it's also not his fault at all?? if there is something about his method of speaking that affects that then maybe you could coach him a bit, but that's usually because of the shape of someone's mouth and/or the amount of spit their body naturally makes, so... if this is a dealbreaker for you, there's nothing you can do. but also maybe don't have that as your dealbreaker, that's really mean
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neil - "the only boy on the synchronized swimming team." okay so originally i thought that this meant he was one-man synchronized swimming team and i thought that was kinda dumb, but my brother brought to my attention that this almost definitely means the rest of the team is girls. so i feel DUMB, but let's factor that in now. there's two obvious ways to interpret this and one slightly less obvious one. firstly, he could be there just to be surrounded by girls. and that's probably what the game intended, because that is a weird thing to do. secondly, he could just genuinely be super passionate about synchronized swimming and he happens to be the only guy who was interested enough to join. and thirdly, he could have wanted to join a sport team (or his parents were forcing him) and synchronized swimming was the only one he really qualified for. or he joined it because it seemed like the lowest effort. so the last one is kind of 2 different options, maybe even 4 if you factor in being made to do it as a completely separate scenario. either way, there's too many scenarios for me to really have a strong opinion, so i'm just laying out this information for everyone else - "wants to farm pigs." BIG green flag, in my opinion. obviously i'm assuming his practice would be ethical, because why would i willingly decide it wasn't. this is a good passion for a life partner to have, so if you're in for marriage, definitely go for the guy that wants to run a farm!! i'm very passionate about that, so that's a huge point for neil - "never studies, but passes every exam." it's honestly cool that he's smart! but this fact hinges entirely on if he brags about this or not. people who brag about that are some of the most annoying people in the world, but people that just have that as a fact about them are fine. it's impressive! - "gets at least one detention a week." doesn't really push me one way or another... people get sent to detention for dumb bullshit, so he could be doing nothing wrong. he could also be doing cool shit that's getting him sent to detention. but there's also a possibility he could actually be doing awful or super annoying shit... personally, i don't think it's likely that he's actually doing something awful (just based on everything else about him), but it is still very possible that the shit he's doing is annoying. but... he mostly just seems like a big nerd, so i think this fact about him is fine
and finally..
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andy let me just say: obviously i know he isn't the most attractive of the group. but HEAR ME OUT. - "the class clown." typically a red flag for me, BUT it doesn't say that's unfunny... i have known class clowns that were genuinely funny, and the only people who were mad were stuffy nerds (/lh). so this is hit or miss, but it's something that will affect the view of him in general - "wants to write romantic novels." ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. the fact that he has a creative passion is such a good thing. the fact that it's novels PLURAL and not just one novel? he's committed to this. it isn't just something he wants to do for the experience. this is his life goal. that's so fucking cool - "scuba dives for sunken treasure." DUDE? HELL YES??? that's so fucking interesting. even if you don't fuck with treasure hunting, he SCUBA DIVES????? that's awesome!!!!! i don't know how to explain why that's awesome if you don't agree. it's just so fucking cool - "claims to have kissed half the girls in the school... twice." HEAR ME OUT. i know that this is meant to be the biggest red flag, but it is SUCH a common cover-up for gay guys that are deeply in the closet. andy is gay. LOOK AT ALL HIS INTERESTS TOO. IT ALL TIES IN. HE'S ACTUALLY GAY. the other guys are mostly just gay because they have to be in the situation of guys playing this game, BUT? the trying to get attention by being a class clown? super closeted gay. he's insecure and needs something to feel better about himself. the romance novels? obviously. imagine him, a deeply awkward, heavily closeted young gay guy, dreaming about his future where he can be an openly gay author writing gay romance novels. that's fucking beautiful. and the scuba diving isn't gay but it does make him hotter.
IN CONCLUSION...
andy is the best choice of this round of heartthrob, mostly because i have reason to believe that he's actually gay. and gay guys will always be hotter than straight guys (when you're a gay guy yourself).
edit: please vote in my poll for these boys
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lewis-winters · 11 months
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my love if you are still taking requests could i pls have some hcs on K Company (Sledge, Snafu, Burgin, Leyden, De L'Eau, Ack Ack and Hillbilly) and how they would survive a slasher movie (particularly Scream franchise if you have seen it?) absolutely no pressure if u dont feel inspired or interested in writing this ! x thank uu
I've only seen the first one, tbh, so I'm not as well versed with the whole franchise, but I've seen my fair share of slasher movies, so I think I'll give this a go! But I'll be operating on the idea that they're in a slasher film together, so unfortunately, not all of them are going to survive. Sorry! It might not be exactly what you asked for!
1) Andrew Haldane and Eddie Jones - Oh no they don't make it. In fact, they're the dead girls who haunt the narrative. Particularly Andy. But Eddie, too, because Andy would not be dead if Eddie had not died first. They were each other's greatest happiness, and inevitable doom. Their romance is the tragedy, and sets the stage for all the shit that's about to go down next.
2) Bill Leyden - practical, smart, pragmatic, you'd think he'd survive, but he's too skeptical, you know? But he's too logical. Almost to a fault. At first, he wields it as his own weapon against the fear, but slowly it morphs from weapon to shield. Then slowly, from shield to outright denial, and as the tension rises and rises, he struggles to keep from breaking until, finally, he crumbles beneath it. Not completely, but just enough to give their killer an in. He's not surviving the night, unfortunately.
3) Jay De L'eau - he is though! Jay's surviving! out of pure dumb luck! He's so quiet, so small and so unassuming, that the killer will forget about him until it is too late. He's the last minute save you wouldn't expect, the car that comes crashing against your slasher, sending him several feet away and far enough to buy everybody else some time, or the shadow that brings something heavy down upon the slasher's head, enough to knock him out and pull everybody else to their feet, crying 'Run!'. He's the guy they find at the end, maybe in the post-credits scene, hiding beneath the rubble or tucked away amongst the shadows, safe and traumatized. But generally untouched.
4) RV Burgin - I don't think he's surviving. He wants to get out, no question. But he's not desperate enough to throw people under the bus, and maybe that was his mistake. He stops running because someone tripped. Turns to look back because someone calls out his name, reaches out to him. Or makes it out, but then realizes his is a hollow victory if he can't manage to take his friends out with him, too. Man, he should've just run, but that's not who Burgie is. He might come back in the sequel though, maybe in a post-credits scene added by the producers after the test screening audiences demand that he be alright bc they love the character too much.
5) Merriell Shelton - ok if there's a likely candidate for the 'someone from the original group who was the Slasher all along' character, it's Snaf; turns out he was Ghostface this whole time! but that feels like too much of an out and a little unfair, so I'll just say that he'll make it almost all the way to the end, but he's going to slip up. And it's going to be because he's so tired. He's so afraid under all that anger, but he's just so tired, too, and it only takes one little slip. One little swing too late. But make no mistake, he fights back. He will be remembered very fondly because he fights back, and the tragedy of it lies in how close he was to getting out. He was so close. But not close enough.
6) Eugene Sledge - FINAL GIRL FINAL GIRL FINAL GIRL ENERGY ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? OF COURSE HE'S FINAL GIRL he's standing over the bloody corpse of their tormentor and he's the only one in his right mind to shoot it more than once to make sure it's dead. He's the one whose rage far surpasses that of the slasher. He's the who comes out of this ordeal alive and fully changed, covered in blood, blurring the lines between victim and perpetrator, and smoking his pipe at the steps of the house or the entrance of the summer camp; red and blue emergency lights flashing over his face as someone puts a blanket over his shoulders.
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returnsandreturns · 4 months
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sorting through the prequel i started writing for the bdsm romcom novel
“You didn’t drop out of law school because Stephen broke up with you, did you?” Stef asks, hands on her hips, her always surprising but welcome maternal mode kicking in. He can always tell by the arch of her eyebrows, like she’s about to make him cocoa before threatening his bully. “Did he tell you that you should?”
“I dropped out this morning,” Andy says, breathing very carefully, “and I went to him first, which was dumb."
Laurel rests her head on his shoulder, slides an arm around his waist. She’s so good at knowing when to touch people, filling in gaps in moments, smiling just right.
“What did he say?” Stef asks, glaring at him.
“. . .he said he wasn’t surprised,” Andy says, sighing. It would have hurt worse coming from somebody who actually loves him—and if Stephen loves him, he’s doing it wrong most of the time.
There’s a deadly silence and he turns slowly to see Laurel, streaked with pale blues and pinks and wearing a t-shirt covered in badgers, with a look of absolute white hot fury on her face.
“Hey, historically I pick guys who practically hate me,” he says, letting out a laugh that only trembles a little. “I shouldn’t be surprised.”
“We can’t kill him,” Stef says, directed at Laurel, “but we can threaten him.”
“Or we could kill someone else,” Laurel says, “and then frame him for the crime.”
“. . .well, at that point we could just kill him,” Stef says.
Andy’s got his knees practically pulled up to his chest but he’s smiling, smiling wider when they look over and give him worried looks, like he’s about to fully lose the plot and maybe need to go to a hospital for a brief holding period.
“I love you guys,” he says.
Laurel smiles back, murmurs, “Sweetheart,” and basically crawls into his lap.
Stef looks squirrely before she says, “You’re okay, I guess,” and grabs her coat, heading for the door.
“Are you going to buy a weapon?” he asks.
“Just keep your mouth shut!” she calls back, door slamming behind her.
“You’re too cool to be a lawyer,” Laurel says, when he turns to look at her, face very close to his. “I’ve always said that.”
“You’ve never said that,” Andy says, laughing.
“That’s because I thought it was your dream,” Laurel says, “and I actively try not to crush your dreams, you beautiful butterfly. But this was a bad dream and you’re making a very smart decision and I’m definitely gonna frame that guy for some kind of crime. Or blackmail, maybe—does he have any horrible secrets?”
“None that he told me,” Andy says, feeling kind of sick when he thinks about it. “We never really had conversations, actually. He would just talk and then tell me I talked too much when I tried to talk about myself.”
“You guys have been a thing for a year,” Laurel says, softly. “Andy, has it been like this the whole time?”
“There was a honeymoon period,” Andy says, sinking down further into the couch. “There was wooing—I really like being wooed.”
“Who doesn’t like a good wooing?” she murmurs, patiently waiting for him to continue.
“It was my first relationship that lasted more than a couple of months,” Andy says, eventually, staring at the ceiling instead of her endlessly sympathetic face. “I looked past a few things that hurt a little and then I kept looking past things and then I just felt like shit all the time.”
“You know, one time Stef told me that I was being too happy,” Laurel says, biting her lip when she smiles, “and she immediately died, was reborn, apologized for six hours straight and then went down on me for the next six hours. People say shitty stuff sometimes but they apologize after if they’re humans and not—swoopy haired shiny teethed monsters.”
“His teeth were so shiny,” Andy groans, covering his face with his hands.
“One might say too shiny,” Laurel offers. “Like, we get it, you can afford a dentist."
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