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#andromache the scythian

Joe: I have an empty sketchbook but I don’t know what to put in it

Booker: put spaghetti in it

Joe: I am no longer taking suggestions from you

Andy: put spaghetti in it

Joe: or you

Nile: put spaghetti in it

Joe: I am now only taking suggestions from Nicky

Nicky: put spaghetti in it

Joe near tears: et tu habibi

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Any and all disastrous people are welcome to dadly disaster hour! The dadliness refers more to a vibe than actual fatherhood.

There is an incredible wealth of mischief in here, but going chronologically:

  • flipped over bike handles into a pile of concrete: Andy, Scotland, 1845
  • run over by a minivan (twice): Joe, Portugal, 2011
  • skiing off the roof: Nile, Finland, 2063
  • throwing ice balls at each other’s windshields while driving: Nicky & Quỳnh, Russia, 2115
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gonna throw in another classic from my own dad.

So a good way to gather wood for a fire is to tie a rock to a long rope and go “fishing” for dead branches.

Pros: good, dry wood that catches easily, very little equipment required, doesn’t kill any trees

Cons: involves yeeting a rock as hard as you can into the air and sending very heavy branches crashing down to earth, 2m away from your only son.

Anyway you can bet your butt that Andy has crushed Lykon, Quỳnh, Joe, and Nicky (not all at once) with this tactic.

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Quỳnh is buff, ok, but there’s only so long you can hold your wife up above a fence while she tries to pet every horse in the paddock.

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Andy: This old man never gets tired of being in love, does he…*murmur*

Bystander: He looks 30 to me

Nile:

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Nicky: Ha! She missed! Pay up, sucker.

Booker, in the distance: Is anyone going to pull this axe out of my skull?

Joe, bitterly, counting out bills: If you hadn’t moved your head we wouldn’t be in this mess. I hope you learned your lesson.

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Totally Random HC by @winterequinoxx

Andy is Colorblind, which is fairly rare for women. But is also why she chooses to wear black most of the time. Quynh used to poke fun at her for it, and its part of the reason Quynh wears Red.. because that’s the color that Andy sees very clearly.

Assuming she shared the same parents with her sisters, they were all colorblind. Oh! If their tribe was small and they weren’t reproducing with other tribes, then there’s a pretty big chance that a lot of people in that tribe were colorblind as well. So what if it wasn’t a big deal for centuries because almost everyone she knew was colorblind and they just naturally stuck to the colors they could distinguish??

Also, Quynh totally points to random things and asks Andy what color is that? And that? Andy’s answers range from green to harp. It stopped being cute over three thousand years ago and Andy hasn’t had the guts to tell Quynh yet.

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didn’t have my phone yesterday so instead i wrote analysis and observations/notes on literally every scene in The Old Guard

i just finished the van scene and i already have 11 pages

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Thank you @howling-harpy for giving the extra nudge I needed to finally watch The Old Guard instead of another rerun of movies I already know by heart. ❤

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[hey shatters!!!! u didn’t specify it but im running with andromaquynh for this because i love them 💖💖💖 also changed the line a little bit i hope u don’t mind 😚]

lost in the middle of nowhere + “i just want to let you know that i love you. a lot. never forget that.”

time becomes an illusive concept once you have been walking in circles in a barren wasteland for hours on end. andromache’s lips are beyond parched, their skin cracked and peeling off when she so much as tries to wet them, her throat raw and irritated, and she is reminded of another similar situation that had happened many life times ago. she shields her eyes with her hand to look at her companion and smiles; quynh is walking right by her side, sweat dripping down her forehead, making her beautiful face glisten with it.

their eyes meet and quynh smirks. “are you ready to admit you have brought me to the edge of the earth and now we are lost in the desert again?”

andromache snorts. “technically, the first time around i got you out of a desert.”

quynh laughs at that, a high-pitched sound that always makes andromache’s heart swell in her chest. “took you long enough to get there,” their shoulders bump playfully, quynh’s teasing smile a silent communication of her feelings. “you looked like a beautiful mirage, woman of my dreams.”

woman of my eternity,” andromache stops walking and turns to quynh, takes her face in her palms as if she is the most precious gem she has ever encountered, priceless beyond measure. her sunburnt cheeks burn brighter than the sun above their heads. “i love you so much that it takes my breath away. i just want you to know that,” andromache’s finger gently caresses the skin right below her dark eyes and quynh leans into the touch. “i cannot lose you.”

quynh presses their foreheads together and andromache sighs, a ragged breath that shakes her frame, her green eyes slowly falling shut. “i am not going anywhere without you, my love,” their lips touch softly and andromache suddenly knows she is not lost at all.

she is right where she is supposed to be.

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(847): You texted me the words “butt stuff” 53 times in a four hour period last night.

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(708): A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.

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There are two possible* answers to this:

1) Andy, at some point, washed up on Dinotopia and hung out there for a few years (IDK why I just think she’d be into it. yes I know the original book doesn’t have feathered dinos. shhhhh just go with it) 

2) Andy, for some reason, was in attendance at the lecture where Thomas Huxley proposed that dinosaurs might have had feathers in 1876, noted it in between getting drunk/seducing someone/starting a righteous fight, and then failed to pay any attention whatsoever to the field of palaeontology for the next hundred and fifty years, only retaining this one vaguely interesting fact. She is extremely proud of knowing it. 

Neither Nicky or Booker have paid any attention to palaeontology either, so they take it as read that Andy is right about this. Quỳnh doesn’t even know what dinosaurs (in the modern understanding of the term, she knows about fossils) are. Nile is like “you’re right BUT I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW”. She is making frantic eye contact with Joe, the only other person who looks as confused as she does. Joe is refusing to make eye contact because this is the kind of petty thing Nicky will kick him out of bed for starting an argument over. (Joe had a palaeoart phase in the early ‘90s, when the bird-dinosaur thing was really getting going.) Andy, meanwhile, is watching Jeff Goldblum flirt badly with Laura Dern and enjoying herself immensely, totally unaware of (or at least unworried about) the chaos she has left in her wake. 

*by ‘possible’ I mean ‘answers that amuse me sufficiently to be worth describing in detail’

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