#angry ptsd

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...

#not a shitpost #serious post #ask to tag #tw trauma #cptsd #c-ptsd #and if so we should TALK about it #because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays #like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc #bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times #and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd) #because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact #2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc #3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation #and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie #4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories #and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong #weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards #i got lucky there #also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage... #...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them... #...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent... #...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us... #...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long... #...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL #the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate #be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough #recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage' #i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself #and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was #i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want #don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please #and just... give yourself space

[furiousgoldfish]

One of the issues you run into when you're not allowed to express anger as a child, is that you're no longer able to get angry. When you're in a situation that should evoke rage, you instead feel fear, anxiety, panic, or grief, emotional hurt and helplessness. You end up operating a body that cannot feel or express anger. The only times you do feel angry is when you're directing it at yourself, it comes as a form of self hatred, and desire to cause pain and injury to yourself. Because this is the only way you would have been allowed to be angry, only way it was safe, to direct it at yourself, same as everyone else is doing constantly, teaching you that it's normal and expected.

Growing up like this means that all of the anger from your childhood keeps getting stored into your body instead of externalized, and you still cannot get angry when the situation demands it. Instead, when you're being disrespected and injustice is served in your face, you can either feel helpless and lost, or the frustration you feel irritates you so much you cannot stand it. Your body is not used to feeling anger and doesn't know how to process it. Instead it feels like you're going to explode, restless, endlessly irritated and at a complete loss on how to handle it. Because you never learned how to handle anger, except to take it out on yourself, and you might be driven to just keep doing that, forever.

Taking a stand for yourself and confronting whoever deserved your anger might still feel terrifying and all of the insane things that happened to you as a result of childhood anger might get triggered. You might feel too frightened to confront them because you can imagine all sorts of ways it could come back to hurt you - this person could try to get you fired, for example. They might smear campaign you and get you evicted, they could threaten you with something or blackmail you, they could destroy something of yours, spread rumors, hold a grudge and do thousand times worse to you. Those are thoughts evoked by memories of childhood, where abusive parents threatened and did any or all of these things, including torture, in order to keep you from expressing anger.

However this person is hurting you right now, unprovoked, and getting no resistance. From that, they're learning that they can keep doing it, with zero consequences, because you've already been broken and cannot fight back. That is a dangerous situation to be in too, even if it is impossible to predict whether this person is insane like your parents and will try to get revenge for any bit of resistance for their abuse.

I had situations where I would be pushed over the edge and allowed my anger to come out at someone - and people would sometimes complain about it, but they would usually back off, and I would regain my peace of mind because I created a consequence for disturbing it. Anger, however, doesn't feel good. My body is not used to it so it makes me incredibly tense, stressed, frustrated and upset, and it doesn't go away for several days, even weeks sometimes. Because scratching the surface of it evokes the repressed childhood anger which is almost unbearable with how giant it is.

Human body can learn to process anger, it can feel better, more powerful and more in control because of it. It can protect you without inflicting damage to others. It doesn't make you anything like your abusers, who let their anger out at someone who wasn't their equal, had no way to fight back, and did not deserve any of it. Your anger creates boundaries that keep you safe, it doesn't exist to torture others for existing.

It's easy to fall back into the place where you don't want to be angry, and try to be accommodating and allowing of injustice, just so you don't have to feel frustrated and afraid. I often fall back on it too, just wanting to live and have peace. But life around other people often doesn't allow it, and sometimes anger is necessary to send a message of what boundaries will not be crossed without a consequence. Anger is not a bad feeling, it is an act of self love. It comes out to let you know that you've been treated unfairly and it's there because it's telling you that you matter. That treating you unfairly is something to get mad about.

#anger #rage #anger issues #cptsd #abused child #abuse symptoms #trauma symptoms #repressed anger #processing anger #anger builds boundaries #ptsd #traumatic anger #internalized anger #anger directed at self #not being allowed to bring angry creates self hatred #self love #abuse recovery #trauma recovery

[etteraths]

#typography #text #words #mine #anger #angry series #trauma #traumatized #actually traumatized #ptsd #mental health #feelings #wrath

[bpdohwhatajoy]

People are fine with sad traumatized people, but god forbid you’re one of the angry ones

#ryan.txt #cptsd #ptsd #trauma #traumatized #I’m fucking angry #I’m always angry #I’ve never gotten fucking justice for any of the shit I’ve been through #people have done so much to me and then leave and I have to pick up the pieces

[writerofadream]

Hi! I've never asked one of these before like ever haha so im kinda nervous (ik i shouldnt be) but can you call me Butterfly 🦋 Anon, and can you start a miniseries with duncan tdi x juvie bestfriend! reader? I'd just absolutely adore to read it because I'm going through a TD phase right now haha

... me too butterfly 🦋.. me too

Fortune favors the Bold ⛓

TDI! Duncan x Juvie Bestfriend! Reader ⛓

------------------------------------

You stared at the gray wall as you had done for the past three years. Last night you had been moved to solidarity when you had bitten a guards thumb off after he had shoved Duncan into a wall when 'recess' had ended. Duncan had laughed so hard he had ended up in solidarity too, sadly he was on the male side of the jail.

It was around three in the morning you had guessed when you heard a whisper of "Hey, princess." You felt your body tense, that wasn't a voice you recongnized.

Your eyes looked up from the spot where you layed on the cold floor only to be met with the face of a pale man with black hair who obviously did not work there. "Are you bestfriends with that crazy dickhead with the greenhair?" The man asked without an explanation. You nodded slowly.

"If I got you out of here and buy you freedom for at least nine weeks will you promise to wreak havoc on a group of teenagers for me?" The man asked a wild smile on your face. Huh.. he reminded you of your brother.

"Hell yeah." You smirked and Chris nearly whooped with excitment if he could get to cons with issues on his show someone was sure to die!

Think about the ratings!

He unlocked the door to solidarity and helped you out, quickly hiding you underneath a delievery cart where you were met with the eyes of your bestfriend.

"Hey, scorpion." Duncan smiled. "Hey tiger." You smiled right back. This strange man had no idea what he was in for. Did he even read Duncan's file (much less, yours?)

Duncan had commited arson, fraud, armed robbery, and assault. (Someone was trying to mess with his girl, okay??)

You had commited armed robbery, manslaughter, and assault. The manslaughter wasn't exactly your fault but thats a story for another day.

Chris smiled to himself as he pushed his two new pet projects. He had bought himself a tiger who was willing to burn the world for a girl, and a scorpion with a twitchy trigger finger. God, he would love if someone fucked up on the show and got either of you hurt so the other would go crazy. He giggled.

This was going to be the BEST week ever.

Chris dropped the two of you off in a hotel, just to make sure you wouldn't escape he sicced Chef Hatchet on you. But neither of you wanted to leave.

#writing #queer writers #duncan #total drama #total drama au #total drama island #tdi #duncan x reader #juvie #fanfiction #xreader #fanfic writing #fanfic #fic writing #prison #angry #panic attacks #nightmares #anger issues #ptsd #childhood trauma #actually traumatized #owen wilson #harold #heather #td bridgette #total drama bridgette #courtney #gwen

[atimodeus]

Alright, ya gremlins: it's finally here.

After writing and rewriting this essay five or six times over the last month and a half, I've finally settled on a version I think I like — meaning I think I've finally figured out how to articulate what's been on my mind.

Katsuki Bakugou holds a very specific place in my heart. I reckon writing this long ass essay in earnest may be considered pretty "cringe" by some standards, but honestly, I found it very cathartic. Maybe I need to touch grass. Or maybe, fiction can sometimes just be another tool we use to understand ourselves.

Which is to say: looking at angry kids like Katsuki feels a lot like looking at myself.

#writeblr #essay writing #writers on tumblr #katsuki bakugou #bakugou katsuki #mha manga spoilers #katsuki bakugo mha #mitsuki bakugou #anger issues #ptsd rage #ptsd recovery #healing journey #grief #inner child #self forgiveness #personal essay #my inner child is angry as fuck #and tbh i don't blame him #but i wonder what he'd think of me

[eroticcannibal]

Still frustrates me that ppl dont know what trigger means (and if u agree with this post im probably talking about u)

#its actually a very broad term and includes everything u keep saying isnt being triggeref #because its not a strictly defined term and never has been #everyone has been grabbing at it to use it when convenient for decades #if u mean trauma trigger specifically then just say that #if u mean ptsd trigger then say that #and stop arguing about what counts and what doesnt #because youre wrong and wasting your time #word of god #and yes triggers can just be something that makes u angry

[yellowocaballero]

man, reading ch3 was a ride, it's like all fun and jokes and then all of sudden, Nope! It's time to be sad now! but it's so good with it? like, I really enjoyed how seriously you took it, and that moment in the classroom was really like 'oh shit this is legit' in a way that had my heart just sinking in my chest and with the tone whiplash from the rest of the fic so far, it was just literally so good to read. also, seeing byleth and the rest of the class just kinda grapple with wth to do with dimitri while he's deep in this episode is just very interesting, especially when they all have their own hangups and issues with everything. 👍

YESSSSS. I'm always so excited to post the moment the story actually kicks into gear, and this chapter was it for Weekenders. A lot of fun.

I wrote a post a while back about people's discomfort with writing severe mental illness,

and while I wouldn't say Weekenders is a spite fic, it was influenced by how difficult it was to find non-modern AU fic that wrote Dimitri specifically as somebody on the schizophrenia spectrum/bipolar.

It was so hit-me-over-the-head obvious while I was playing! His entire personality and behavior flipped on a DIME in Part 1, and it flipped 'back' in Part 2. He couldn't switch topics, he was ranting incoherently, he was having headaches, he was doing nothing but training, he obviously wasn't sleeping or grooming, he was convinced a 12yo had orchestrated an assasination - that's not depression/anxiety/PTSD, and it's not even just a psychotic episode (mania does have elements of psychosis, hence the paranoid delusions). And, obviously, the actual hallucinations, delusions, antisocialness, lack of grooming, impulsivity, etc, of Part 2 that rang very loudly of a schizophrenic/schizoaffective psychotic break.

But equally important is the fact that Dimitri's illness did not make him hateful and homicidal. Dimitri was always a hateful person. I don't think he's naturally hateful nearly to the degree that he shows while having an episode, but one of the most important lines in the BL route is when Dedue just says that Dimitri was always angry and hateful, and that he just hid it. His behavior in late Part 1/part 2 is him losing all capability to hide it. I don't think he's a pathological liar, and I don't think the Dimitri we see throughout Part 1 is 'fake' - I just think he withholds a lot. Dimitri's cruelty is just as important as his generosity. His hatred is as important as his empathy. The horrible sides of his illness are just as important as the comfortable sides. Do you see what I mean?

That is what interests me about Dimitri so much. Dimitri wants to be Marth. Dimitri tries to be Chrom. Dimitri dresses up like Roy. He is not. He is an angry, paranoid, brutal murderer. Any depiction of Dimitri that forgets that - that unironically only protrays the Dimitri that he shows the world and never the sides of him that he's ashamed of - is kinda buying what he's selling, and it both demonstrates a deep disinterest in who he is and a discomfort with the sides of his illness that aren't palatable.

Dimitri's psychosis did not make him hateful (I think his PTSD had a lot more to do with his anger problems). It made him scared. Mania and psychosis are a very, very scary experience. His mind is constantly telling him that he's in danger, that Byleth's in danger, that everybody and everything around him wants to hurt and kill him, that he is a sinner if he doesn't avenge his dead family. And Dimitri is a good child soldier, and he knows that we destroy our enemies with prejudice. He's a good leader, and he knows that the BL are never safe and that their enemies are everywhere. He's a good son, and he knows that you have to avenge them. Violence solves problems and Dimitri is scared and angry and if he doesn't solve the problem he can't protect the woman and people he loves.

This is serious to me! I'm trying not to make this THAT long but I could go ooooon lol. I understanding wanting to either make him realistically/explicitly schizophrenic OR make him violent, because violent schizophrenics are a bad and harmful stereotype. But I think both sides of him are important, because I don't want to whitewash Dimitri's illness or his experiences. It's scary for the people around you. It very frequenty is triggered from trauma and hardship and it is informed by your life. Like many characters in FE3H, Dimitri is the product of the evils of his world.

Byleth's arc in this story is about her growing into a human being. It is shown as a beautiful thing. It is wonderful to be a person. It would contradict the message of the story to show Dimitri as anything else but a human being - flaws, traumas, SMI and all. He was Marth to her. That's the point.

I went on for soooo long lol but thanks for the ask!

#my writing #my asks #you didnt directly ask about any of this but ive been itching to say it so love and peace <3 #i think its also worth mentioning that sometimes PTSD uh DOES make you hateful and angry and mean #and that it's. normal? expected? it's not inherently bad rep to show a character w/PTSD and anger issues? #like ppl will write a character w/PTSD but only if they get panic attacks and are sad :( #you know. sympathetic people. #i do think connecting violence with psychosis is bad rep but uh it's EXTREMELY hard to argue his ptsd #i felt this same way about Vash Trigun. #when people wrote Vash as GENUINELY #UNIRONICALLY #the person he pretended to be #it misses the point. to me it demonstrates a lack of interest in the character #you can project onto the self-esteem and depression so that's all the character is #and that doesn't leave room for the parts that are uncomfortable so those parts just don't exist #LIKE NOT A CRIME BUT. #JUST BORING? #BAD WRITING? #ok and to me. on the internet. being boring is the greatest crime of all. #fe3h #fire emblem three houses #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd

[howifeltabouthim]

He had a bitter, angry look on his face, as if remembering unspeakable things.

Anna Biller, from Bluebeard's Castle

#painful memories #unspeakable #trauma #ptsd #angry #bitter #description #quotes #lit #words #excerpts #quote #literature #anna biller #bluebeard's castle

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Oh, oh, you know what I'd love to see some time? Kauri getting an electric shock from a domestic appliance or something. It doesn't need to be serious, we just know how much he hates getting shocked 👀

"You need a new toaster."

Jake looks up, rubbing a hand over his face, blinking where he sits on his bed in a pair of pajamas pants. Things are blurred and bleary, it's too early for this on one of the few days he doesn't have class. Still, though - he can't help but feel a little... happy, maybe, to hear Kauri's voice. "What...?"

"Your toaster's fucked up." Kauri has it in his hands, gripped white-knuckle tight. Jake reads in his appearance the story of his night - his hair is a mess of black curls, there's dark circles under the bright blue eyes, he's still wearing clothing he had on two days ago, the last time Jake saw him.

His shirt is on inside out. Whose cologne will be smell like if Jake gets close?

There's a twist of something odd and sharp in Jake's chest. "... Our toaster is fucked up?"

"Yeah. It... It's broken. It shocked me. When I plugged it in." Kauri dumps the toaster on the floor in Jake's room, and Jake winces as he watches ancient crumbs scatter everywhere as it tips on its side.

"... And you brought it up here because..."

"Because it's broken. You should get a new one. I wanted to tell you." Kauri's voice is short and sharp, Jake can see his eyes are a little too wide. He crosses his arms and Jake thinks it looks like he's hugging himself, trying not to be obvious about it. "It's a stupid toaster. It hurt me. It-... It shocked me, and-"

"Yeah. I'll handle it, I will. But, are you okay?"

"What?" Kauri looks... uncomfortable and surprised. "I'm fine."

"Yeah, but. You said it shocked you?" God, he's too tired to think. Jake leans into instinct instead. "Like electric shock?"

"Yeah. Just. A little one, but..."

Silence draws out between them. Jake rakes a hand back through his hair, and then pushes himself to his feet. If Kauri's eyes drop to Jake's bare chest down to his stomach and the waistband of his pants, Jake doesn't notice. Or he pretends not to, anyway. There's a Tshirt on the floor, and he pulls it on over his head. "Yeah, but... Still. Are you okay?"

"I'm not hurt-"

"That's not what I'm asking. Kaur, you used to be shocked, before. Even if you're not hurt..." He looks back down at Kauri. "That doesn't mean you're okay."

Kauri's smile fades for just a second - then it's back, but brittle this time. "I'm always okay."

"No, you're not. Kauri, I just wanted to know if you need to talk-"

"Absolutely the fuck not. I just came here to get some breakfast, not get trauma interrogations at six in the morning."

"I'm not interrogating you-"

"Then take 'i'm fine' for an answer for once."

Jake's mouth opens and then closes again.

Kauri's smile is small and vicious. "Like I said. Buy a new toaster."

"Kauri, just-"

Kauri disappears from the doorway and is halfway down the stairs before Jake can get out of his room.

"Kauri, wait-"

The front door closes and Kauri is gone.

#erase to control #jake the shelter guy #whump #traumatized whumpee #ptsd tw #i love Kauri lashing out #just love it honestly #bbu #box boy universe #box boy #recovering whumpee #escaped whumpee #caretaker and whumpee #angry whumpee

[octoagentmiles]

ok this is weird but I'm a psychology nerd so hear me out–

I love how Natquik and Calico Jack's fear responses are canonically Fight and Flight respectively.

You'd think it'd be the opposite, because CJ's a brave, strong pirate, and Natquik is kind of an awkward loner (affectionate), but noooooooo........

When Calico Jack is afraid of something:

He runs away from it.

Which could actually be a fun nod to the IRL Calico Jack, who was apparently a notorious ✨ coward ✨, and terrible fighter.

and what does Natquik do... 👁️👁️ ?

BARK BARK GRR GROWL BARK—

#never not thinking about these two #they're the characters ever #i love them so much #i love them such #octonauts #cj has only gotten angry like Once Ever™ (in s5 👀) #but nat???? he's very quick paced and high strung but he's never run away from danger. #even in the red fox he only tried to leave the den after getting too *frustrated* with red #and at the end when he finds the gup-i overrun with penguins? he yells and stomps his foot 👀👀 #out of all the characters who i wanna see snap at one point.................. he is ✨ very high ✨ on that list 👁️👁️ #octonauts calico jack #professor natquik #octonauts natquik #octonauts theory #*thinks about how nat's original station he was trapped in was covered wall to floor in scratch marks and never stops* #like even all of his equipment. #and it's perfectly His Paw sized too bc we can see it close up when he pushes the button to play the bloop recording #Thinking‚‚ #anywhos <3 #cj has anxiety and nat has ptsd; in this essay i will—

[andthebeanstalk]

It took me like 10 years to be able to recognize when I am having a flashback because the movies told me the whole thing was supposed to be very cinematic, inside and out.

In reality, for most people, it just looks like they are hardcore zoning out.

And internally, it seems like flashbacks are only a full visual-audio movie-worthy experience for very few people.

Which is equally valid and definitely horrifying, but since I thought all flashbacks were supposed to be like that, it was very hard to figure out that "my brain suddenly leaping back in time to a prior emotional state of being from recalling a traumatic experience" = "flashback."

#original #mental illness #mental health #flashbacks #ptsd #cptsd #c ptsd #Logically #I may know where I am. But I am contending with a nervous system that suddenly believes I may be dying. #And coming back down from that is very hard and very painful. Especially since a flashback means a disconnect from our present reality. #Try telling your body it is safe when you don't quite remember if that is true from moment to moment. #Anyway today's flashback was triggered by: i was hungry and saw a parking sign. I mean HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PLAN FOR THAT??? #I was on my way to a restaurant! I was about to eat! #I didn't know a parking sign was gonna be a trigger when it never has before! The fuck! [Angry ptsd autism noises]

[rainywhispersblog]

I'm so fucking angry, all the time. I yell at everyone, and I'm never like this. I just want to scream in their faces, and I can't. I'm cooking dinner and fighting tears because I just got yelled at for my anger issues. When I'm not the one who throws shit or hits walls when I'm pissed. Idk what to do right now. I'm not even hungry anymore....

#actually borderline #actually bpd #bpd feels #bpd mood #bpd problems #bpd thoughts #bpd vent #borderline personality disorder #depressing shit #living with ptsd #actually bipolar #paranoia #angry #anger issues #tw depressing thoughts

[bpdohwhatajoy]

Nah because no one understands the pain and agony and deep anger that comes from seeing happy families who love and are accepting towards their kids and happy couples when all you’ve known in those two areas is abuse.

#ryan.txt #bpd #borderline personality disorder #cptsd #childhood trauma #relationship abuse #anger #ptsd #trauma #traumatized #angry angry angry

[bittenborderline]

Really starting to believe I’m truly unlovable in anything more than a platonic sense

#even then idk #I don’t know why no one ever likes me enough to put in the effort #bpd #bpd problems #ptsd #bpd feels #depression #anxiety #borderline personality disorder #actually borderline #angry #bpd tag #trauma #unloveable