#annaleese

[proseltzer]

<3 the odyssey by lara williams audiobook <3

#i am only like an hour in but i’m obsessed #the narrator has such a sweet voice and shes so great at reading dialogue also i love the story #baby by annaleese jochems vibes tbh

[moodyinapinkbow]

Moodboard: A Cancer Summer Book List. 

Baby by Annaleese Jochems.

Sisters by Dairy Johnson.

The Greengage Summer by Rumor Godden.

Milk Fed by Melissa Border.

Breasts and Eggs by Mieko Kawakami.

#moodboard #edits #moodboards #edit #aesthetic #aesthetics #book list #book list moodboard #book list moodboards #summer #summer book list #cancer #astrology #horoscope #astrology moodboard #astrology mooodboards #pink #blue #cancer summer book list #reading

[444namesplus]

american, french and german forenames encoded with aastralean

Aadreo Aanast Aarecd Aarelee Aareleen Aaron Aarore Ada Adam Adele Adelheed Ado Adolt Adrean Adreenne Alaen Alan Alece Alecea Alem Alemander Alemandra Alemandre Alemes Alena Alene Aleson Alhert Alherta Alherto Allan Allen Alleson Alma Almat Aloes Alossa Alrech Alrede Alren Altred Altredo Alwen Amalea Amanda Amandene Amel Amelea Amelee Amher Amo Ana Ando Andre Andrea Andreas Andree Andrew Aneta Ann Anna Annaleese Anne Annecd Annee Annel Annela Anneleca Annelecae Anneleda Anneleese Annelena Annelese Annemaree Annes Annette Ansnar Anthono Antoene Antoenette Anton Antonea Antoneo Arlene Arlette Armando Armen Arnaad Arndt Arnold Arsala Arthar Ashleo Asrel Astred Ate Atto Awe Caenten Calren Camelle Candace Candece Carl Carla Carlos Carmen Carol Carole Carolena Carolene Carolon Carree Cartes Caseo Cassandra Catherene Catho Cecel Cecele Cecelea Cedrec Celea Celene Cendo Chad Chantal Charlee Charlene Charles Charlotte Chelsea Cherol Chester Chloe Chres Chresta Chrestean Chresteane Chrestee Chrestel Chrestelle Chrestena Chrestene Chresto Chrestoshe Chrestosher Chrestot Claade Claadea Claadene Claere Claoton Clara Clarence Clemence Clement Clenton Cletton Clettord Clode Coartneo Codo Colette Colho Colleen Colton Connee Constance Conthea Cora Coralee Corel Corena Corenne Coreo Coro Craen Crestena Crostal Daane Daeso Dale Dameen Dan Dana Daneel Daneele Daneelle Danmar Danno Danohert Dao Daola Dara Dare Dared Daren Darene Darl Darla Darlene Darlheenw Darol Darrell

Darren Darrol Darsten Dart Dasten Date Datee Datherene Dathleen Datho Dathron Datla Datoa Datren Datrena Dawn Dean Deana Deane Deanna Deanne Dedeer Deedrech Deeter Deeterech Deeth Deetrech Dehhee Dehorah Dehra Delea Della Delle Dellee Delleo Dello Delores Delshene Dem Demee Demherlo Den Dendra Denes Denese Dennes Denneth Dent Derd Dered Deren Derrecd Derro Dersten Deseree Dlaas Dlaas-seter Doanlas Dolan Dole Dolores Domenecae Don Donald Donna Donrad Dora Doreen Dores Dorotho Dresta Dreste Drestee Dresten Drestena Drestene Dresto Drostal Dwaone Dwenht Eala Ean Eanece Eanene Earl Eda Edaardo Eddee Eddehard Edeth Edmand Edna Ednar Edward Edwen Eeleen Eelhard Ehono Elaene Elde Eleane Eleanor Elena Elesa Elesaheth Elese Elewaheth Ella Ellen Elmar Elmer Elodee Eloese Elona Elrera Elsa Elsee Eltreede Emel Emelda Emelee Emelo Emma Emmanael Emmanaelle Emmerech Enes Enew Enno Ennred Enrecae Enwo Era Eran Erec Ereca Ered Ereda Erelon Ereloneachem Eren Erene Ererett Eres Erhard Erma Ernest Ernestene Esa Esaac Esahel Esahella Esahelle Essee Estelle Esther Eteenne Ethel Ewald Hahert Hanaette Hanh Hannah Hanne Hannelore Hano Hans Hanter Harald Harhara Harold Harreet Harreo Harro Hastean Hasteste Hattee Hawel Healah Heanda Heat Heata Heather Heatrece Hecdo Hector Hedo Heede Heedemaree Heene Heener Heeno Heenrech Heenw Helda Helde Heldenard Helen

Helena Helenda Helene Hell Hellee Hellmath Hello Helma Helmat Helmath Helna Helne Hen Henededt Henlamen Henoet Henre Henreetta Henreette Henro Hererlo Herhert Herman Hermann Hermene Hernadette Hernard Hernd Hernece Herre Hertha Hertram Hertrand Herwen Hessee Heth Hethano Hetso Hetto Hlanca Hlanche Hodo Hoh Hohhee Hohho Hollo Holner Honnee Horon Horst Hose Howard Hrace Hrad Hradleo Hrande Hrando Hrandon Hrano Hrean Hrednet Hrenda Hrenette Hrent Hrett Hrettano Hroan Hroode Laan Laana Laaneta Laara Laare Laaree Laaren Laarence Laarent Lac Lacas Laccaelene Laccaelon Laccaes Lacd Lacdee Lacea Lacee Laceen Laceenne Lacelle Laco Lacoh Ladas Ladeslaas Ladeth Lado Ladorec Ladwen Laeme Laes Laetetea Lala Lalea Lalean Lalee Laleen Laleette Laleo Lamee Lames Lan Lana Lance Lane Lanece Lanee Lanene Lanes Lanet Lao Lared Lareer Larerne Larnen Larro Lars Lasmene Lason Lass Lasten Lastene Latold Latooa Latta Latw Law Lawrence Lea Leah Lean Leana Leanclaade Leanette Leanlac Leanloaes Leanmarc Leanmaree Leanmechel Leanne Leannee Leannene Leannette Leansaal Leanseerre Leantrancoes Lee Leenh Leesl Lela Leleane Lell Lellean Lellee Lem Lemmee Lemmo Lena Lenda Lendsao Lendseo Lenna Lennee Lenneter Lenno Leo Leon Leona Leonard Leonel Leremo Leren Lermaene Lerome Leroo Lerro Lesa Lesas Lesheth Leslee Lesse Lesseca Lessee Lester Letecea Lett Lettero Lettreo Lewes Llood Lo Loachem Loaella Loaes Loaese Loan Loann Loanna Loanne Locelone Lode Lodea Lodee Lodo Loe Loec Loel Loelle Loes Lohann Lohanna Lohannes Lohn Lohnnee Lohnno Lola Lon Lonas Lonathan Londa Lonette Lonn Lonne Lonnee Loo Looce Lora Lordan Lore Lorena Lorene Lorentw Loretta Lorn Lorne Lorraene Lose Losesh Loseshene Losetena Losette Loshaa Lost Lothar Maarece Maareen Madeleene Madelene Mae Mahel Mahle Malrena Malte Mam Mamee Mameme Mamemelean Mamene Manael Manale Mandalena Mando Mannee Manon Mao Marc Marcas Marcea Marcel Marcella Marcelle Mard Marea Marean Mareanne Mareas Maree Mareechrestene Mareeclaade Mareel Mareer Mareetherese Marelon Marena Marene Mareo Mareon Marlene Marloree Marnaerete Marnaret Marnareta Marnarete Marnee Maro Maroann Marren Marsha Marshall Marta Marten

Martene Martha Matheea Mathelde Mathew Mattee Mattheas Mattheea Matthew Mecdael Mechael Mechaela Mecheal Mechel Mechele Mechelene Mechelle Medard Mede Meenrad Melanee Meldred Melenda Melessa Melha Melo Melodo Melren Melton Menael Menan Mendo Menea Menhan Menna Mennee Meranda Mercedes Merco Merdo Meream Meredeth Mereelle Mesto Metchell Mohamed Mollo Mona Moneca Monecae Moneda Mora Moream Moretw Mornane Morres Mortle Naadalase Nadea Nadene Naedo Nael Naellaame Naelle Naetan Nahreel Nahreele Nanco Nanne Nanther Nao Naole Naome Naro Natalee Natasha Nathalee Nathan Nathaneel Necholas Nechole Necolaas Necolas Necole Nedola Neel Nehhard Nelhert Nellee Nelles Nelson Nena Nene Nenera Nenereere Nenette Nenner Neorn Neorne Neornea Neornes Neornette Nerald Neraldene Neraldo Nerard Nerd Nerhardt Nermaene Nermar Nernot Nert Nertrade Nesela Nesele Neselher Nettee Nheslaene Nlados Nlen Nlenda Nlenn Nlorea Noemee Nora Nordon Norma Norman Nottleeh Nottschald Notttreed Notw Nrace Nren Nrenoro Nreta Nretchen Nrete Nretel Nwen Nwendolon Oann Oannecd Oceane Odele Odette Olat Olere Olerea Olereer Ollee Olna Oolanda Ora Ores Orette Oronne Ortrad Osal Oscar Othmar Otto Ottomar Raal Racael Rachael Rachel Radolsh Raener Rahen Raho Ralenten Raleree Ralsh Ralter Ramon Ramona Randall Rando Ranessa Rao Raomond Raomonde Rashael Rassell Rat Ratael Rath Recardo Recd Recde Recdee Recdo Rechard Rechenwa Rector Rectorea Reenhard Reenhold Rehecca Relma Reme Remo Rencent Rene Renee Renena Renenald Renene Renes Reola Reolet Rera Rerean Rerna Rernel Rernenea Rernenee Rernon Reroneca Reronecae Reta Rhonda Roan Rochelle Rodneo Rohen Rohert Roherta Roherto Rohon Roland Rollrath Rolt Romaen Roman Romanne Ron Ronald Roner Ronnee Roo Rosa Rosalee Rose Rosee Rosemaree Rosemaro Rosena Ross Saal Saala Saalene Saalette Sadee Sae Sahene Sahrena Sallo Salrador Sam Samael Samantha Samela Sander Sando Sandra Sandrene Sara Sarah Sasan Sasanne Sascal Sascale Sasee Sat Satrecd Satrece Satrecea Satso Satte Satto Sawanne Scott Sean Searl Sedneo Sedro Seentreed Seerre Seerrette Sehastean Sehasteen Selma Selrea Semon Semone Senesmand Senmand Senno Sereren Sererene Serne Serneo Serro Seter Seth Shane Shannon Share Sharon Shawn Shawna Sheela Shelea Sheles Sheless Shelessa Shelesse Shelleo Shelles Shello Shere Sherleo

Sherol Sherre Sherro Sholles Solanne Solraen Solrea Solree Solrester Sonea Sonla Sonoa Soshea Soshee Sren Srenla Srescella Staceo Staco Stanleo Stella Stere Steren Steshane Steshanee Steshen Stetanea Taeth Taheen Taheenne Tahetha Tahrece Tamara Tame Tammo Tannee Tanno Tanoa Taoe Tara Tasha Ted Telecea Telem Tem Temo Temotho Tena Terdenand Tere Teresa Ternando Terrance Terre Terrence Terro Tettano Theerro Thelma Theo Theodore Theresa Therese Thomas Tlood Tlora Tlorean Tlorence Tlorent Todd Toheas Toler Tom Tommo Tone Tono Tonoa Torone Traade Trace Traceo Traco Trancd Trancene Trances Trancesco Trancoes Trancoese Trand Trandlen Tranw Trares Trecea Tred Treda Treddee Trederec Trederecd Tredred Treedemann Treedrech Tretw Troo Wacharoadreen Wade Wallace Walter Wanda Waone Warren Weehde Welhelm Welhelmena Wellard Welleam Wellee Welma Weltrad Wendo Wenetred Wentreed Wenwel Werner Wernher Wesleo Whetneo Wolt Woltnann

[urdemonmommy]

what’s your character’s name? ☺️

Annaleese! She’s an Eladrin bard! But she’s not you let typical bard!

[draculauraravenqueen]

OC doodles that I finally got round to photographing today!

#art #doodles #Annaleese #Amy #Eliza #oc stuff

[neoticrin]

The Cast of Personal Chaos

Nerd "Johnny Nerd"

Dr. Aaron Mark

Danny Malachite

Yukari Masamune

Dr. Milinda "Millee" Annaleese

Dart Marxillary

Laila Amor

Ordered in appearance (least I'm planning, may change) but thats everyone

#Personal Chaos #Nerd #Dr. Aaron Mark #Danny Malachite #Yukari Masamune #Dr. Millee Annaleese #Dart Marxillary #Laila Amor #Art #Characters #neoticrin original #pokemon #Eevee #Floatzel #Dewott #Zoroark #Ninetales #Glaceon #Eeveelution

[don-simon]

The female gaze can be just as objectifying and entitled as the male.

Beejay Silcox, in a 2019 review of Annaleese Jochem’s book Baby (Scribe, 2017)

#female gaze #the female gaze #beejaysilcox #annaleesejochem

[blackwell-academys-airdrop]

I don't know what I'm doing with my life

Max: Annelise

Chloe: Annaleese

Kate: Anna Lise

Victoria: Anelyse

Warren: Anne Elise

Nathan: Annalise

Rachel: AANNELIESE

#I saw Rachel's response somewhere #I don't remember where #but it made me laugh #life is strange #lis #...what even is the actual spelling of that name #max caulfield #chloe price #kate marsh #Victoria chase #warren graham #Nathan prescott #Rachel amber #queue

[oatmilfcoffee]

Oct. 1, 2019

Being a college junior and still being unsure about what you want to do is so crazy. I feel so unprepared like I just got tossed from a plane with no parachute and was told “Okay, it’s up to you. Figure out how to survive.” It's so unsettling. I’ve had so many dreams in my life and as I get older and learn more about the real world it becomes apparent to me how hard it will be to actually obtain those dreams. I need work experience for my field yet every job seems to require work experience. I want to do an internship, yet I need to make enough money to afford to live.

I was doing research about National Geographic. It’s been my dream to work there but I had never really researched it. I always wanted to be a photographer for them and after further research, I learned they use freelance photographers. While this has disheartened me some and put me back to square one of life plans, I still have hope that one day I can say that my work was featured in Nat Geo.

Over winter break I’m going to be talking to my church back home about a possible summer job as an intern or designer. Even if it isn’t paid, it should be too time-consuming where I can’t have another job and it’ll give me great real-world experience and also help me stay closer to God when I’m back home.

I’m never on here as much as I used to be and I know those who have followed me since the start have probably moved on to bigger things in life. But for those who are still here, I hope you find something in these posts from here on out. I’d love to hear from you about the stuff in these posts. And I hope to bring a new kind of life to my blog again with these writings/brain dumps.

Till next time,

Sydney Annaleese

#entry #mp

[dragonologist-phd]

Annaleese

(requested by @haileytxt!)

#SPACE #CAT #SPACE CAT #lol she's so much fun #and check out hailey's blog if you want to see art of her! #moodboard: other oc #aesthetic #moodboard

[bedjacket]

Do u have any fave nz writers ? Or fave nz books?

um! katherine mansfield OBVIOUSLY completely unavoidable but for good reason. i’ve been rereading the garden party (among all her work) since i was 9 and i still don’t feel like i’ve teased out everything. i like the rehearsal by eleanor catton. it was one of my favourite books for a while. my nanny used to read me witi ihimaera books when i was a child and i think those were all good! i like the new girl by emily perkins. There are heaps of good poets as well that i’ve read little bits of but i’m honestly awful at reading poetry. also... if you like crime... ngaio marsh. hope this helped. also - baby by annaleese jochems is in my to read list but i havent actually read it yet.

[dd-demonic-blog]

I watched...

I saw what happened to Annaleese... She was cut down by a religious crazed knight, ordered by his Superior: Captain Reginald Serris of the Vampire Hunter known as “God’s Assassin’s”. Unable to see him coming, she was tabbed twice, before i could break his neck and use his sword as a stand for his body. All the things we shared, all the memories, the kisses, the words of assurance and gentle promises of a better future... all of it melted away, melted, as she began to fade away, in my arms, her blood running sleek and staining the very earth, the puddle, growing bigger and bigger, as my heart tore apart, i almost swore, the blood was my own.... The tears, that fell, shamelessly own my face, could not begin to describe the gut wrenching feeling of pure helplessness... Her words, weak and struggling, escaped her lips, only barely, as she said “I...I’m...dead... the blade... not right...I love...” ....Her final breath, let go into the air, and i heard, with great horror and pain in my chest, the slow..and fading beats of her heart... My soul could only show the sorrow of such magnitude... How my chest filled with a pain, i could neither taste nor touch, a pain so familiar, and so encumbering, that it lingers still, deep in the deepest, crimson parts of my now Blackened heart... Goodbye, my love, for what we shared is beyond the words, laid bare, on this parchment. Send my love, when you meet my sister.... ~An Excerpt from one of Joseph’s many Diaries on Annaleese, The First Girlfriend of his life in 1498 //Amazing what you find in this old house.// 

#my oc #diary of a vampire #joseph

[laurathomasdesign]

Baby by Annaleese Jochems. Published in B format  by Scribe UK, September 2020.

[lasnalgas]

Baby. Like a new beginning, like first steps. On the beach at seven am you wander out onto the cold-from-the-night sand expecting to find a new start. This is the perfect scene, you think; on the beach at seven am you can get it all to yourself. Instead, you find her, there, still, tirelessly maintaining the shallow waves even though her heart is heading out. There are no new beginnings here, not on the east coast. The beach itself is a barrel that won’t stop to break. You wanted something fresh, something new, something all to yourself. Instead, you got the same salty exhaustion of the ocean. There is something to admire in remaining consistent, no matter how sad the act. People will marvel and congratulate on the length of time you have kept at something or someone. Marvel at the absence of predictable restlessness displayed by the rest of the race who disappoint each new beginning. The ocean knows there is exhaustion in the consistent. You take a photo of the morning sea to evoke a kind of spontaneity and freshness when it appears online but you know the boredom the pretty waves bear. You can hear the waves saying “my mum wants me home” but they’re lying, they feel the moon pulling them to the depths, to the distant islands and they follow, smiling.

I wrote this on the back page of Baby by Annaleese Jochems, a young NZ writer's first novel. I wrote this sitting on Thornton Beach on the East Coast of NZ, the novel is set in Northland.

#writing #baby #nz writing #consistency #prose #read

[justbusyreading]

The Dearly Beloved is a beautifully written historical fiction book. This book is more of a character driven book to me – it involves 2 couples from College age through about 30 years. If your looking for a book with a lot of action to it – this isn’t the one – this is more of a look inside the lives of these 2 couples. The two men are ministers of a Presbyterian church while one of the women doesn’t believe in God and the other woman was raised in a Christian home. The book revolves around their faith, family, friends, and jealousy between the women. When I read historical fiction I always look to learn something and with this one what I found so interesting was Lily and Charles’ struggles with Will who suffered from autism. Today we have so much information at our fingertips yet during the time that Will was diagnosed – little was known about it. I loved their determination to help Will and I loved Annaleese who helped them so much with helping Will and how he needed things to be structured in his life. I just found it thought provoking and insightful.. I think this is a 4 star read for me. I think that Cara Wall is a very talented writer and I will look forward to reading something else she writes. Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.#netgalley #thedearlybeloved #reviewathon #simonandschuster #bookreview # #ilovebooks #totalbooknerd #bookblog #historicalfiction #igbooks #ilovereading #lovereading #bookoftheday #bookishfeatures #bookgeek #becauseofreading #bookstagramfeatures #bookgram #alwaysreading #bookaddiction #booktag #bookworms #novels #instaread #bibliophiles #booknerds #bookdragon #booknookstagram #bibliophile #booknerdigans https://www.instagram.com/p/B1SZs4sA7Z_/

#IFTTT #Instagram

[granular-experience]

I Mean This. Forever. Alternate Ending

OK so I feel bad because I haven’t been updateing Heroes, so I’ll give you this. It takes place after chapter 59. Instead of takeing her home they took her to the hospital. I wrote this because I was tired of the story and thought I needed to end quick, but thanks to @thepromiseofanend I drug it out the way it needed, so thank you for that.  three chapters in one.

Jareds pov

When they finally got to the hospital there was a quiet commotion in the lobby.

I don’t know she just disappeared. We didn’t even stitch her up! She woke up in the ambulance and as soon as we opened the doors she jumped into an SUV and was gone!

Fuck.

I found Rob in waiting room nonchalantly reading Better Homes and Gardens. “Dude they lost her.” I took the seat next to him letting out a breath of exhaustion.

He closed the magazine and sighed, “Fucking figures. Did you talk to them?”

I shook my head.

“Then how do you know they lost her?”

“I heard them talking. She jumped out of the ambulance and got into an SUV. Why would she do that?”

“She’s probably being investigated again. What has she been doing lately?”

“Nothing, I mean I’m not sure I go to work on the other side of the house everyday. I don’t know. She’s on the phone a lot, but I just assumed it was normal business.”

“Normal? Do you know what she says?”

“No, I don’t eavesdrop.” Rob cursed under his breath. He walked to the desk and asked about Rhiannon. I stayed put trying to process the fact Anni was hiding stuff from me. I mean I understand that she can’t tell me everything she does. The less I know the better, but I wish she would tell me if she was doing shit that was illegal enough she wouldn’t be able to buy her way out of it.

“Yeah you’re right. She bolted. The SUV they described was one of her guys’, and she’s not answering her phone.”

“What do we do?”

“I need to go through her office to see if there’s any evidence of what she’s doing.”

I had completely forgotten about Ruby and Blair until Blair chimed in. “What’s going on is she ok?”

“No she bounced.” Rob said annoyed.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s not here. She left. We don’t know where she is.” he threw up his hands and walked out of the ER.

I followed outside into the morning air. “I guess I’ll see you at the house.” I walked back to where I left the car only to find it gone. The only thing there was her cell phone. I picked it up and walked over Rob’s truck. “She came back for the car and left this.”

On the ride home I listened to the voice mail the random number had left for me.

“Hello, Mr. Leto. This is Agent Greem with Child Protective services. If you would please give me a call back as soon as possible it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you have a nice day.”

Yes, a nice fucking day. Why the fuck is CPS calling me? When we returned to Wonderland there was a black car in the drive waiting for us. What the fuck now? As we all piled out of the truck I told Blair and Ruby they should go out and see LA, and called them a car to drive them around. I didn’t want either of them there right now. I don’t need them asking questions, and I couldn’t just blatantly tell them to fuck off. I walked up to the car waiting as a man stepped out. “Hello Mr. Leto. I’m Agent Greem. How are you?”  He held out his hand for me to shake.

I ignored his small talk and shook his hand, “What is it that you need to talk to me about. I’m not sure why CPS would need to contact me.”

“Well mr. Leto is there somewhere we could talk? Inside perhaps?” I nodded and he followed me into the house. We sat on opposite couches, and he pulled out a stack of papers. “Do you know an Annaleese McGregor?”

I wracked my brain trying to remember the name. “Not that I know of why?”

“Because she has passed from lung cancer and her daughters birth certificate states you are the father.”

“How old is she? Her daughter?” I’m not a father I’ve been very fucking careful about that shit.

“She’s ten.” I thought for a moment not being able to recall a time I didn’t wear a condom with a random woman.

“I want to do a DNA test first.”

“Yes, that’s why I am here. I just need to prick your finger for a drop of blood to put in here and we’ll have to results in about fifteen minutes.” he held up a DNA test kit. I held out my hand giving him my finger to draw the blood from. I’m not this kids father. There’s no way in hell. While we waited for the test to finish I excused myself to find Rob.

He was in her office digging through paperwork. “How often does this happen?”

He stopped and looked up at me. I’m sure the worry and fear was imprinted across my face. “Every once in awhile, but she usually cleans up her mess then comes home fairly soon. Not much to worry about. All I can find in here is arms shipment schedules. She’s either planning a heist or she’s running guns again.”

“Are you fukcing kidding me?” I groaned and ran my hand over my face.

“Hey man, it’s cool she’s done this quite a bit, actually. She’ll usually call tonight from a untraceable phone and let us know when she’ll be back. She just had to disappear for a while. She left at the hospital because she doesn’t want the ATF knowing where she is.”

“That’s not the only problem I have right now.”

“What do you meen?”

“I might have a ten year old daughter, I’ve never known existed, whose mom just died from lung cancer.”

“Oh shit. Is that who that guys was?” I nodded and sunk down into a chair. “Are you doing a DNA test?” I nodded. “Maybe she’s not yours…”

“There no way she could be I was careful with that shit.”

“What are you going to do if she is?”

“Well I can’t just say ‘No I don’t want her; take her away’ I can’t be that father. Not after the shit mine pulled. I’d never be able to live with myself. I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to be a dad and work like I do. What happens when I go to shoot another film or Mars goes on tour. I’m just going to have to stop.”

“Hey calm the fuck down man. You aren’t going to have to do this alone. Rhi will be back soon, I’m sure your mom would be out here in a heartbeat and I’ll stick around and help until Rhi gets back. It’ll be ok. That’s why you have family, but hey, we don’t even know if she’s really yours yet.”

I nodded and returned to the living room, “Mr. Leto congratulations! Your DNA’s match.”

Well shit.

“What do I need to do?”

“Well I need to know if you’ll take her in. If not I’ll have to turn her over to the state of California, and let them find her a foster home.”

“No, I’ll take her. I can’t send her through that shit.”

“Well that will make everything much easier for all of us. I just need to do a walk through of the house and make sure she has her own bedroom to sleep in.”

“Of course where would you like to start? there’s 55,000 square feet.”

It’s took an hour to tour the entire house. “Everything looks good although I do have some concerns. The staged dungeon down stairs and some of the art could be considered quite, um, vulgar.” He pushed his glasses back up his nose as I looked over to Rob. “It’s art…and those are museum pieces. The guillotine in harmless.”

He hesitated and looked between the two of us. “Very well. I will go pick her up from her grandmother’s house. Along with her belongings and will be back momentarily. Thank you for taking her in Mr. Leto. Her grandmother would have but she’s also battling cancer.

Agent Greem left and I sank back into the couch processing everything. I pulled out my phone and called mom. It rang three times before she answered, “Hello, dear.”

“Hey mom. You’ll never guess what’s happening.”

#2

Mom was on a plane within the hour, and I had gotten off the phone with Shannon when Agt. Green pulled back in the drive. I watched from a window as he helped the little girl out of the car. She looked exactly like me. Thick dark Brown wavy hair, slender, sharp cheekbones, and bright blue eyes. I looked to Rob who was watching too. “She is most definitely yours, dude.” There was no doubt about it, and it instantly made me angry I hadn’t known her, her entire life. She was something I had helped create. I felt robbed.

I stood there washing over with emotions. I’m a dad…I’m scared, happy, nervous. What if I fuck up? What if I don’t live up to her expectations? I’m angry at her mother for not telling me. Who knows why she told her why I wasn’t in her life. She most likely built me up to be a terrible person. One thing I do know is that I’ll do anything to make her happy, and I wish Anni was here. The doorbell pulled me back to reality. I took a deep breath and opened the door. She stood there sad and scared clutching onto her pink backpack. There was a pause of silence before Agt. Greem spoke up, “Cecilia, This is your father, Jared. Jared, Cecilia.”

I instantly fell in love with her. I moved down to her level, “Hi Cecilia. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

She gave me a funny look, “Why is your hair is your pink?”

“Because it’s one of my favorite colors.”

She smiled, “Me too.”

I couldn’t fight the smile that invaded my face when she smiled. “Would you like to come inside?” She nodded. I stood and everyone followed me back into the living room. We sat and i introduced her to Rob, “This is one of your uncles, Rob.”

“He’s your brother?”

“No he is my fiance’s brother. My brother is on his way over.”

“Oh. Where’s your fiance?”

Fuck. “She’s on a business trip right now.”

“When will she be back?”

“We aren’t for sure, but hopefully soon.”

“Oh.” she looked down at her hands gathering her words. “Is it ok if I live with you?”

“Of course it is. That’s why you’re here. Do you want to live here?” she nodded silently. “Would you like to go pick out your room?”

Agt. Greem interrupted us. “How about I have you sign these papers real quick. They just state custody and parental rights. Then I’ll be out of your hair.” I signed the papers and walked him to the door. “I’ll call in a month to check in on things. Thank you again.”

I nodded and shook his hand before pulling the rest of Cecilia’s things in the house. “Shall we pick out the room now?”  she grabbed my hand and we walked to the hall lined with bedrooms. “This is my room here. You can pick from anyone of these rooms in this hallway.” she carefully walked down the hall and inspected each room. Finally landing on the one with the big four poster bed.

“May I have this one? It has a princess bed.”

“Yes, you may.” She’s so polite.

Over the weekend she got settled in and we redecorated her room by adding more pink. I dropped her off at school in the morning and Mom, Emma, Rob, Shannon, or I would pick her up. I worked all day trying to keep myself busy so I could keep my anxiety at bay. I didn’t sleep much. Rhiannon being gone with no real explanation was wearing on me. No one had heard anything from her. Days turned into weeks with nothing still. Christmas and my birthday had come and went. New years, nothing. I’ve kept in touch with her family. Her nonna flew out to let my mom go back to New York for a while. Anni’s absence has all but driven me mad.

I sat down with Catiana one night after putting Cecilia to bed. We sat in silence drinking tea. “Rhiannon contacted me today.” Cat seemed somber.

“Really?! Where is she?! Is she coming home?” Cat shook her head and handed me a small piece of paper. Scrawled across it was Anni’s handwriting, ‘I’m alive.’ “That’s it?! Are you fucking kidding me! ‘I’m alive.’ Nothing else?! What the fuck is this? Some kind of fucking game for her?!”

Catiana rested her hand over mine. “No it’s not a game, Jared. This is how it is. James had to go into hiding with no explanation right after we got married. He was gone for three years. Then one day he just reappeared. When I asked him where he had been he simply said, ‘It’s over that’s all you need to know.’ and after thirty-seven years of marriage I still don’t know where he went or why he left. All I know is he did it to keep his family out of harm’s way. He did it for us. Don’t hate her for what she has to do. This is apart of our life, Jared. Most likely she brought on some heat and someone is after her. She left to keep you away from that. She will be back. I can promise you that.”

The months turned into a year. It was Christmas time again and I decided we should head to Italy with Rhiannon’s family.

Cecilia and I had talked about Anni. I told her what truth I could about her being gone. She seemed to understand. Cecilia was extremely smart. She wanted so bad to meet Anni and asked me questions about her constantly.

When we arrived in Porto Cervo we went straight to the house, “Daddy, it’s beautiful here.”

“Yes, it is.” I hadn’t been back since I killed Chris. Chills moved up my spine as I crossed the threshold into the house. It was warm and smelled like her, and cooking, like she had been her seconds before. I reveled in the ambiance of the house.

“Does it matter which room I take daddy? Dad?” I snapped out of my trance as I looked over everything.

“No, it doesn’t.” The first door she opened she stepped and stepped back out. That room overlooked the water, “What’s wrong with that one?”

“There’s a crib in it.” My heart thundered in my chest. There wasn’t a crib in there last time. I walked through the door and was it had been painted light green and was set up as a nursery. What the fuck was going on? I went to the kitchen to find the back doors open and a hot pot of tea steeping on the island. I looked out the doors to the water. There she was standing with her back to me. Her hair was black again and reached down to her shoulders into a dramatic bob. She had a sweater wrapped around her as she looked out over the water. I felt like I was watching a mirage. Cecilia stood next to me, “You see this?”

“Yeah, is that Rhiannon?”

“Yeah.” my voice was barely audible.

#3

A tall thick man dressed in a very expensive suit walked up next to her with a tiny baby in his arms. Fire in my chest raged out of control. She fucking left and moved on? “Are you fucking kidding me?” I whispered. “That’s impossible. She can’t have kids.”

“Maybe it’s not hers…”

I moved through the kitchen as she took the child from the man. When she turned back the house she saw me standing on the patio with my arms crossed. A huge smile spread across her face. She walked quickly to me, “Jared! I-”

I threw my hands up to stop her, “Don’t. What the fuck is all this?” I motioned to her, the baby and the man in the suit.

“This is Simone. He helps with Alex.”

“That’s Alex?” I pointed to the baby. She nodded. “Where did he come from?”

“He’s yours, Jared.”

“That’s impossible.”

“No, it’s not. Let’s go inside it’s getting chilly.” She pulled Alex to her chest and covered him with his blanket.

As soon as she saw Cecilia she smiled undoubtedly knowing who she was. Anni held out her hand to her, “Hi, I’m Rhiannon. You look just like your daddy.” Cecilia shook her hand and smiled at me. Alex started fussing in her arms as she walked to the fridge and pulled out a bottle and placed it into a bottle warmer. She had changed. She was softer now. I stood shocked. This was real.

“Did you leave because you were pregnant?”

“No. I didn’t know I was pregnant when I left.” She stood with her back to me swaying softly to comfort  Alex. “I’m sorry I left. I had too. I got myself into some trouble and needed to hide out for a while. Then I found out I was pregnant and it took a lot out of me. All the scar tissue from being shot made it painful the entire time, and the doctor didn’t want me to fly.”

“Why didn’t you tell me I could have been here with you. I could have flown here.”

“Because you needed to take care of her, not me.” she nodded over her shoulder to Cecilia. She pulled the bottle from the warmer and shook it. “I’m sorry you didn’t know. I couldn’t let you know until now anyway. Until a few days ago I was still hiding, but everything’s been taken care of. Nothing like that will happen again.” She turned around and gave me a faded smile.

“Are you ok?” she looked drained.

“Yes just tired is all.” she led us into the living room and turned back to me, “Would you like to feed your son?” My heart jumped. First my daughter now my son. I nodded and sat in a chair. She handed him down to me. A huge slime across his face. He clutched at my beard and giggled. His bright green eyes shifted from me to the bottle in his mother’s hand. I brought it to his mouth while he flapped his hands happily. I was instantly in love again.

“He’s so tiny.”

“He didn’t have much room. He was only five pounds when he was born.”

“And he’s healthy?”

“Yes very much so.”

Alex and I watched each other closely while he ate. He twirled my beard in his tiny fingers while he drank. “What’s his full name?”

“I named him after his uncle’s, Shannon Alexander Leto. His birthday is August 3rd.” I smiled I couldn’t have picked a better name. Both of our brothers would be excited, and my mom. Looking up to see Anni and Cecilia talking and laughing made my heart swell even more. Catching the light bouncing off the goddy engagement ring she still wore I’ve never felt more love in my life. I could lose everything tomorrow and I would be fine as long as I had these three with me. Anni looked up at me smiling. We watched each other while Cecilia babbled on about decorating for Christmas, and Alex ate in my arms. I couldn’t live without this.

#I mean this forever #jared leto fanfiction