#another angsty one today. This definitely hurt. Well done Darling

[write-it-motherfuckers]

You really weren’t good for them, even from the start. It was a nice thought in the beginning, to have someone close to you who wouldn’t be dead by the next century, but you got so… greedy. Because in the end, you were divine, and they weren’t. They were a beautiful, terrible, magnificent creature, but it just wasn’t enough for you. As long as they’d live, you would still live longer. So you did what you did best. You changed them. Altered their soul a bit. A harmless trick on its own, really. It was so easy to do with humans, so why should they be any different? But you were wrong. And now your lover is dead, and you’re paying the price of greed.

Submitted by @void-enthusiasts

#write-it-motherfuckers #writing prompt #writing prompts #writing #prompt #story prompt #story prompts #story #prompts #not my prompt #original #random #imagine #story time motherfucker #submission #submitted prompt #another angsty one today. This definitely hurt. Well done Darling #angst #angsty #whump #death #death mention #immortal #immortality #deity #mythology #love #romance #supernatural #magic

[onceuponastory]

guilty - b.b x reader

Darling, darling, darling, let me sing to you Let me sing to you, let me sing to you Darling, darling, darling, let me shelter you Let you into all the homes that fear has made of me How the shingles fall like dust beside your company - little words: the happy fits (also you should check out the happy fits, cause their music is really good! highly recommend.)

Plot: Bucky tells his girlfriend Y/N the truth about his past...and all the bodies left in his wake. A/N: My friends requested Bucky being told that what happened to him and what he did as The Winter Soldier wasn’t his fault. They also wanted to see more emotional Bucky, like the opening scene of TFATWS episode 4, so I happily obliged! cause Bucky Barnes is not a villain and if you think he is gtfo.  Also, chapter 2 of ever after is coming, it’s just these chapters are turning out to be way longer than I first thought, lmao. Warnings: Mentions of blood, violence, torture, death...basically everything Bucky did as TWS. Also a lot of self loathing. This is a very angsty fic, but there’s a happy ending!

There are a lot of things in life that Bucky Barnes hates. The rain, for one thing. And John Walker. But most of all, what Bucky hates is feeling guilty. And with a past stained with as much blood as his...he has a lot to feel guilty about. It’s not that Bucky doesn’t want to feel guilty or atone for what he did, completely the opposite, in fact. He hates being unable to sleep at night without hearing screaming or seeing the blood he spilt. In all honesty, Bucky just wants it to stop. He hates closing his eyes every night and dreads actually falling asleep because he knows that’s when the nightmares begin. 

Bucky peers over from his spot on the couch to watch his girlfriend Y/N as she cleans up the things from dinner. She’s always been so sweet to him, and it breaks his heart to know that he’s not the kind of person she thinks he is. The complete opposite, actually. But most of all, Bucky hates how he knows he still hasn’t told her about his past and the type of person he used to be. He doesn’t want to tell her, not wanting to destroy her happiness.  Bucky imagines how she’ll react when he tells her. Probably run screaming in the other direction, or dump him immediately. And even though it breaks his heart to imagine that...he knows it’s what he deserves. But first, he has to tell her..and he’s going to do it today...If he can work up the guts to tell her, that is.

“Y/N? Doll? Can you come here for a sec? Please?” Bucky asks, trying to make his voice more serious, but still hating how nervous he sounds. Y/N walks over to him. She raises an eyebrow, clearly confused. Bucky clears his throat and pats the seat beside him on the couch, motioning for her to sit, which she does. 

“Buck? What’s going on?” She asks. Bucky tries not to wince at the fact she used his nickname. It still feels weird to him. Weird that he’s still alive, still loved by people enough to have a nickname, to have a girlfriend, and to be given a chance at redemption...even with all this blood on his hands. And when all the people he killed didn’t even have the opportunity to grow old and be loved. He ruined so many lives. Why should he be the one to find happiness? Why isn’t he the one who died? “Bucky?” Y/N cuts into his thoughts. She’s looking up at him, her eyes full of concern. Again, Bucky wonders what will happen when he tells her the truth. Will she even love him anymore? Or will she run for the hills?

“I uh...” He clears his throat. “I have something I need to tell you.” Her eyes widen slightly, and before Bucky can even think about what he’s going to say next, she asks:

“Did you cheat on me? Please tell me you didn’t.” For a moment, Bucky considers lying and telling her that he did cheat. Even though it’ll break her heart, it’s a lot better than admitting you’re responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people, regardless of whether or not he was brainwashed into doing so. That way, he can protect her from ever finding out the truth. She’d leave, and he could go back to being alone. Even though the very idea of losing Y/N and being alone forever hurts, Bucky knows that it’s the least of what he deserves. “Bucky, please. Just tell me the truth.” She pleads, and Bucky can see her eyes glistening with tears. “Whatever it is, we can talk about it and hopefully work through it.” Bucky’s not too sure about that one. He sighs. Even though the truth was a lot worse, Bucky knows Y/N deserves to hear it...even if it might destroy their relationship.

“No, it’s not like that. I didn’t cheat.” Y/N sighs, and relief floods her features.

“Good. I didn’t think you would do that to me. You’re not that kind of person.” Bucky feels his heart shatter. She doesn’t even know the kind of person he really was. The merciless killer. The Winter Soldier. Someone responsible for so much pain and suffering. Bucky takes her hands. He runs his non-metal thumb over her knuckles, trying not to stare too long at his metal arm and hand. Even though he was given a different one in Wakanda, one not tied to suffering, one without blood on it...seeing his metal arm still reminds him of the pain his previous one caused. “What do you need to tell me?”

“Um...” He sighs, trying to find the words. “Remember ages ago, when Sam said something happened to me? Something bad?” Y/N nods. “Well...he wasn’t exactly honest. I mean, yeah, something bad happened to me. But I did something bad. Something...worse.” She frowns. “Back when I was in World War Two with Steve, my unit got captured, and they experimented on me.”

“I know this. You and Steve told me.” Y/N cuts him off. 

“I know...but you don’t know the full extent of it.” Bucky sighs, memories flooding his brain. He squeezes his eyes shut for a second, trying to block them out. “They injected me with super-soldier serum, which helped me to survive the train fall, as you know.” She nods, listening intently. “Well. I didn’t just sit and wait for Steve to find me or escape heroically or anything. I, um...I....” He takes a deep breath. Y/N squeezes his hand, and Bucky almost breaks down in tears right then. She’s too sweet for him. He doesn’t deserve her. “I was taken by the Soviet Wing of Hydra, and they wiped my memories, implanted these...trigger words in me so I’d do whatever they want. I became their...assassin.”

“What are you saying?” She asks.

“I’m saying...I was the Winter Soldier. The monster that killed innocent people and injured countless others. I’ve left so many bodies in my wake...and done so many bad things Y/N. And I don’t deserve any of...this.” He waves his free hand around at the apartment they’re both in...and at her. Y/N blinks back at him, looking slightly shocked at Bucky’s revelation. “And I definitely don’t deserve someone like you. Not after what I did or who I was. The person who tried to kill Steve, Sam, Fury and Nat-”

“But you didn’t, Bucky, you-” She leans in closer, reaching her hand closer to the forearm of his metal arm.

“BUT I TRIED TO!” He exclaims, cutting her off as he jerks his metal arm back. Y/N jumps back a little, a look of fear crossing her face for a moment. That makes Bucky feel even worse. Even though Ayo and Shuri helped rehabilitate him, and Ayo removed his trigger words, Bucky has spent many sleepless nights tossing and turning. He stays awake almost all night, wondering how much of The Winter Soldier remains within him and whether he’d hurt or scare anyone that way again. Seeing the look of fear on Y/N’s face tells him only one thing: he’s still the same monster he was before. And now he’s scared the one person he wanted to protect. Bucky panics, and his stomach drops. Drops into a black hole that he wishes would swallow him whole. “I’m sorry, I-I I didn’t mean to-” He stammers, tripping over his words. Tears threaten to spill over, and he gets up from the couch quickly. “I’m sorry....I-I should just go. Maybe just...don’t contact me. I don’t want to hurt you o-or...” Without another word, Bucky walks towards the door. 

“Bucky! Bucky, wait!” He hears Y/N following him, and he tries to speed up to avoid her. “Wait, please! Please...don’t leave.” Bucky opens the front door to her apartment, and she runs in front of him, shielding the door with her body and placing her arms out so he can’t get by her. Bucky sighs. In the past, with his true strength, he could easily move her out of the way. But of course, there’s no way he would hurt her...at least, any more than he probably already has. 

“Y/N. Let me get past, please.” He mumbles, and she shakes her head. “Doll....”

“No. I’m not moving.”

“Look, it’s better for both of us if I just go. I’m a monster. I always have been and always will be. That serum that turned me into this monster is still in my veins. Who’s to know when it will strike again, even stronger, or if I hurt you? I can’t do that. I have to go.” He argues back, his voice quieter and shaky.

“No. You don’t. I’m not going to let you.” 

“Y/N.” He sighs again, exasperated. “I don’t know why you’re fighting this so much. I mean...it’s nice, but trust me, I don’t deserve it. Now...” He leans in and presses a delicate kiss to her forehead. But despite how delicately he kisses her, there’s still pain behind that kiss. The pain of leaving Y/N, the only woman he’s ever loved, forever. Bucky almost scoffs at that. Even when he’s trying to be tender and loving...all he does is cause pain. But after everything he’s done, Bucky knows that pain is what he deserves. And Y/N deserves someone better than him. Even though saying that still breaks his heart, he knows it’s true. “You need to let me go. Please. Just let me go.” He whispers, tears falling slowly down his cheeks. Y/N shakes her head again.

“No. Stop asking me to, because I won’t.”

“Why not? You know-”

“Because!” She shouts, snapping her head up to him, tears filling her eyes too. “...Because I’m in love with you, Bucky, and hearing you talk about yourself like that, and saying you don’t deserve to be loved...it breaks my heart.” Bucky blinks at her, confused.

“But-but I did so many bad things!”

“When you were brainwashed!” She snaps back. “I know you killed people. But it wasn’t your choice. Was it?” She asks. Bucky shakes his head. Of course, it wasn’t his choice...but he still did it. And he still has to live with it. “See? It wasn’t you, Bucky. They turned you into that person. It wasn’t your conscious choice.” 

“But I-” Bucky tries to argue back, but Y/N interrupts him again

“Listen. The way I see it, you were kidnapped whilst you were trying to save the world. And when that happened, they tortured you and forced the serum on you whilst Steve chose to get it, right?” Bucky nods. “And then, they kidnapped you again, wiped your memories and forced you to kill all those people.”

“Well, yes, but I-”

“Bucky. It wasn’t you. It wasn’t your choice. It's not your fault. I know you didn’t want to do those horrible things. And you’re atoning for them, aren’t you?” Bucky frowns.

“How...how do you know that?”

“I found your notebook. Sam told me it used to be Steve’s. I uh...I had a look inside and saw a list of names. Are those the people you wronged?” Bucky nods, feeling tears growing in his eyes again. 

“My uh...my therapist suggested it would be useful. It’s part of my pardon, I think. But I wanted to anyway.” 

Y/N’s eyes soften. “See Bucky? The fact you’re atoning and that you actually want to, means so much about you. You’re trying to do the right thing.” She steps forward and gently takes his hands in hers. “I’ll be with you every step of the way. Because I know that’s not you. It wasn’t you then, and it’s not now. You’re the kind of guy who brings me ice cream when I’m upset, who laughs at pictures and videos of cats, and sings along to Disney films with me. You’re not a killer. You are not The Winter Soldier. Your name is James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes, and it’s not your fault.” Bucky is silent for a while, as he can’t even think of something to say. He’s simply overwhelmed with emotion and the feeling of having someone like Y/N loving and supporting him. So overwhelmed, in fact, that he starts crying. Actually, he starts sobbing as the years of pent up emotion spill over. Y/N wraps her arms around him and pulls him closer. Bucky doesn’t even try to stop her, and just wraps his arms around her in return. He feels like his legs are about to give way at any moment and that he’s definitely covering her outfit in snot and tears, but she doesn’t seem to care. All she does is repeat: “You are not The Winter Soldier anymore. Your name is James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes, and it’s not your fault.” She continues this phrase, trying to drill into Bucky that it’s not his fault. After a while, Bucky feels his legs give out, and the pair crash to the floor, but Y/N doesn’t let go. She squeezes him even tighter as Bucky’s body shakes as he cries, so tightly it’s as if she’s trying to transfer all her love and warmth into him. “I love you. So much.” She whispers, softly kissing him on the lips.

“I love you too.” Bucky whispers. Y/N pulls away and looks over at him, her eyes full of love and support.

“I’m here for you. I always will be. You deserve love. It’s not your fault Bucky. It never was.” She whispers. And for the first time in forever...Bucky starts to believe that. Of course, he knows he still has a lot of healing and therapy to go through. But, he knows that as long as he has Y/N there to support him, he’ll be okay.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky fic #bucky imagine #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x you #imagine #fanfic #fanfiction #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes one shot #bucky oneshot #bucky one shot

[suchalonelysunflower]

Tell Me What You’re Thinking (c.h)

Pairing: Calum Hood x Fem! Reader

Summary: You overhear something you shouldn’t hear. But Calum will make it right, won’t he?

Warnings: ANGST. Language (including insults), mentions of alcohol, drugs and cheating. MC with low self esteem. Some grammar mistakes (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word count: 4 k

Author’s Note: hi I’m back with the angsty shit. This is very self indulgent, and I put Mitchy as a bad guy here, so sorry if you like him? Reblogs, Commets, Feedback and likes are very welcomed and encouraged! I love to hear from you guys ❤️ hope you like it and Happy Reading ✨🦋🌻

My materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

You sighed as you finished your last paper. It was finals week and you were officially done with your exams and term papers for the semester. The last couple of weeks were rough and no one knew that more than you and your boyfriend Calum who has been by your side through this whole stressing process.

You smiled to yourself as you remembered the encouraging words that Calum often said to you. He knew how hard you worked in school and at your part time job in a law firm, and you appreciated how much he cared for you in times of stress and frustrations. Always cheering you up from the bleechers as you made a name for yourself.

Calum promised that once you were done with school for the semester, he was going to take you out on a well deserved Holiday, just the two of you and Duke as you celebrated another six months worth of work done. Everything was already planned for the next weekend and you couldn’t wait.

You reread your final essay one more time and decided that it was enough for today and if there were any mistakes left, then you’ll deal with them tomorrow. Now the only thing in your mind was a cozy blanket and a feel good movie. But first, you needed to get some food and drinks for your mini celebratory self care session.

The thought of asking Calum to come join you crossed your mind, but you quickly remembered that tonight was boys night. Every couple of weeks Calum and his friends have a little night out to catch up and decompress all of the stress of the week. Tonight was Calum’s turn to host boys night as they decided to have a quiet night in, so they must be having a good time downstairs and you didn’t want to ruin the mood.

With that thought in mind, you carefully placed your laptop on Calum’s side of the bed and carefully untangled your legs from under the covers so you wouldn't wake up Duke, who snuggled with you every time you had to work to keep you company. You put on one of Calum’s hoodies and headed downstairs trying your best to not make any sound.

Before you even reached the last step of the stairs, you could already hear your boyfriend’s laugh and it made your heart flutter. Even after almost three years of being together, his laugh still gives you butterflies every time you hear it, falling even more in love than what is possible.

Once you were in the kitchen, you started looking into the cupboards as you searched for your favorite snacks, but in the end you were unable to find any, thinking that maybe Calum has hidden them somewhere on the top shelves where he knows you can’t reach.

Letting out a small huff, you debated with yourself the option of climbing up the counter or admitting defeat and go ask your boyfriend for some help. Luckily, you didn’t have to decide as you heard a familiar voice behind you.

“Well, if it isn’t my favorite scholar” Said Ashton with a light chuckle “What are you doing here? I thought you’d be out tonight since it’s boys night”

You smiled as you let him wrap his arms around you to give you a hug. Ashton was the first friend you made when you moved to LA a couple of years back, he was the one who introduced you to Calum in the first place, and you were very thankful for having him as a best friend.

“I had to finish up some term papers, so I had to reschedule my girl’s night for tomorrow” You explained to the black haired man “And what are you doing here? Need a refill?” You ask, pointing to the empty glass he was holding.

Ashton nodded, “Yeah, but I also needed a time out. Mitchy is kinda being very obnoxious today” He said with a sigh.

Mitchy Collins was a close friend with the boys for many years now, but you can’t say that he is a friend of yours. It’s not like you haven’t tried to befriend the singer, on the contrary, you both had multiple chances to get to know each other but he either ignored you or made things very awkward between you. And, to be honest, you were not that excited to become his friend either. There was something weird about him, a bad vibe per se, that made you not trust him at all. He was always very loud, obnoxious and downright rude sometimes and it made you very uncomfortable. Both Calum and Ashton knew about your uneasiness with Mitchy, so they didn’t push it too far and you were thankful for that.

“Oh?” You asked, trying to mask your discomfort “What is he saying this time?”

“Just a bunch of bullshit, to be honest. He is very high right now and thinks he’s above everyone else” Ashton said, taking a seat on one of the kitchen island stools. You did the same as you offered him a glass of water.

“Are you high right now?” You chuckled.

“Nope. Calum and I decided to stay clean tonight cause tomorrow we start early in the studio and the weed kinda messes up our pipes” He explains.

“What about Luke and Mikey?”

“They are not here yet, they said they needed to finish up something for a song and then they will meet us here” Ashton shrugged, not giving it too much importance “And what about you, darling? How was your day?”

You began to tell Ashton about how you finally finished the semester and how excited you were for your little getaway with Calum next week. However, every couple of minutes you were interrupted by a loud laugh or an obnoxious comment coming from the living room where the rest of the boys were sitting. Sometimes their loud comments started loud conversations that neither of you could help but overhear, but you did your best to ignore them. But some things are easier said than done.

“I’m telling you man! You can do so much better” You heard Mitchy’s voice echoing through the house, followed by a chuckle from Calum who mumbled something among the lines of “Fuck off”

You furrowed your eyebrows as you stopped the conversation you had with Ashton in order to pay attention to what was being said down the hall. You looked at Ash with a confused face, wondering what they could be saying but at the same time not knowing if you should continue listening to their private affairs. You were about to open up your mouth to continue what you were saying until another comment made by Mitchy caught your attention.

“You have to admit she is the worst sometimes. All she does is boss you around like you are some kind of puppet. She is the definition of annoying”

You sat up straight as you looked at Ashton, who mirrored your puzzled expression.

“Is- is he talking about me?” You asked in a whisper.

Ashton shook his head “I don’t thi-”

“I swear! What does she even do besides work and study all the time? She barely has time for you. You said it yourself! And when she’s not doing any of those things? She’s nagging around and clinging to you like you’re a damn purse! That’s who Y/N is”

You froze in the spot. So they were talking about you… and did Calum really say you don’t have time for him? You don’t even get time to yourself and he knows that! He said he was okay with it, that he understood and supported you through and through… Guess not.

“I still don’t know what you saw in her, dude. She’s just plain boring, playing to be a good girl when in reality she has zero personality” He continued his rant “She does nothing for you! Honestly! I’m surprised you made it this far with that bitch”

You knew that wasn’t true. He never really made an effort to get to know you! how could he be saying all those stuff? You did everything for Calum, all your goals, your plans are for the both of you. How could he know that if he never really talked to you? But you had to admit that that first comment really hurt. You were always doubting yourself at the beginning of your relationship with Calum, always feeling like you weren’t good enough, or pretty enough, or smart or fun or hot… To fight off those kinds of feelings was a difficult job to say the least, but Calum was always there to fight them with you, reassuring you that he loved you. He loved every part of you and he will love you forever.

“Is she at least a decent fuck? Cause I don’t see her doing anything remotely interesting in bed” Mitchy laughed “If she’s not she’s just wasting your time”

You noticed how Ashton suddenly stiffened next to you when he heard Mitchy’s comments. His knuckles turned white as he gripped his fists at the side of his body “Okay, that’s enough” But you were quicker, grabbing onto his shirt as a sign to make him stay there with you and not cause a scene.

His eyes found yours and you could see the anger build up on them, you knew that he would defend you no matter what and you loved him for that. But you knew Calum would defend you over there, he wouldn't let him talk about you that way.

“Ash, please” You pleaded, tugging on his shirt for him to take a seat again. But he preferred to stay standing next to you, almost like guarding and shielding you from any other comment that might hurt your feelings.

“I can’t let him talk about you like that!” He hissed. But you just shook your head.

“I know, Ash. I know. But Cal will handle it” You said confidently, trying to keep yourself together.

You knew Calum would not let those comments slide. Even if you weren’t in the room with him, those comments were awful and very hurtful, no one deserves to be treated like that, especially by someone as close as a friend of his.

You waited for his intervention, but your heart crushed when the only thing you heard from him were laughs.

“She’s a good fuck” That’s all he said.

The grip you had on Ashton’s shirt suddenly flattered as you fought the lump in your throat “Y-you said he wasn’t high” You whispered to Ashton, who was just as frozen as you were after hearing his best mate’s comment.

“He’s not” He said, standing tall next to you. As much as he wanted to go in there and give the guys an earful, he knew you needed him here with you.

Out of all the things Mitchy has said, out of all the insults and belitments, that’s what he says? That you’re a good fuck?

You knew that you could be annoying sometimes when you got happy. You just wanted to share that happiness with everyone around you and you thought… you thought that Calum liked that. You were not a bad girlfriend, you always tried your best to make him as happy as he makes you; to love him as much as he loves you, cause he loves you. Doesn’t he?

If he loves you then why is he letting his friend say all of this stuff about you? Why is he not saying anything? Does- does he agree with him?

The tears started rolling silently, half of you not believing what you were hearing while the other half clang to the idea of Calum defending you at some point.

“Oh I know!” Said Mitchy after a while “I can introduce you to someone! Right now, actually. Her name’s Vanessa and she’s crazy hot, dude”

He can’t be serious.

Ashton looked at you with pleading, furious eyes. Almost begging you to go and let him deal with them. But you grabbed his hand and made him stay. This has to be it. This has to be the chance for Calum to say something.

“You’re kidding right?” The curly haired man asked. Making you let out a breath of relief.

“Not at all! Think about it. We go, you meet her, you fuck her and done!” He said like it was nothing “Y/N will never find out cause she’s stuck up her ass. Your fans will never know or they won’t care cause they don’t even know you are in a ”relationship” to begin with! You are single to their eyes. And you get a decent fuck from someone who looks the part and knows how to have fun! It’s a win - win!”

Your heart stopped as you waited for Calum to answer. To tell Mitchy to go fuck himself. To tell him that he loves you and would never do that to you.

“I don’t know, man. I’ll think about it” Calum shrugged “Plus, if we go out I’ll have to tell Y/N. She’s upstairs finishing some shit for her university”

“Fucking hell… see! I told you! A stuck up bitch” Mitchy said, making Calum laugh.

But their laughs and the rest of the conversation grew numb to your ears. Your body trembled as the tears came flooding in, holding in the sobs that were tearing up your throat. How could he? He was really thinking of cheating on you.

You could feel every little piece of your heart shattered as you search for some kind of leverage that could hold you still so you don’t fall and break. You felt ill, disgusted and heartbroken.

As you tried to get up, you felt your knees buckle and almost fell to the ground if it weren’t for Ashton holding you up. He was still there and you knew by the look in his eyes that he was not going anywhere.

He was just as disgusted and angry as you. He couldn’t believe all the things that were said tonight, all the things that Calum failed to make it right and hurt you in the process. He knew that if he were in that room that the conversation would’ve died the moment it started. He would never let them talk about you that way.

“I-I can’t-“ You cried, moments away from hyperventilating “I can’t stay here, Ash”

He nodded, pulling you into a hug and kissing the top of your head for reassurance “Go upstairs, love. Grab your stuff and we’re getting out of here. You’re staying with me tonight, okay?” Ashton let go of you and started walking towards the living room where the rest of the guys were still talking.

“Ash” You called, making him turn around “D-don’t make a scene, please”

He sighed as he muttered a quiet “okay” before turning around, leaving you alone as you went upstairs to grab the bare necessities to spend the night, you’ll figure out the rest later. Right now you just needed to get out of here.

You opened the bedroom door and almost collapsed at the entrance. Duke came running towards you, sensing that there was something wrong as he started to whine and tried to jump into your arms. That only made you cry harder as you realized that you were leaving him too. You fell to the floor and patted the puppy as he tried to wipe off your tears with his tongue, breaking your heart even more.

A loud voice cut you out of your thoughts. You could hear Ashton yelling, although you couldn’t exactly figure out what he was saying. This meant that Calum knew you heard everything and that, if he had at least some decency left in him, he would come and get you. You needed to act fast.

You stood up and grabbed the first big bag that you could find. Inside of it you threw your laptop, your books, your charger, some clothes and some bathroom essentials. You debated on whether or not to take with you a picture of you, Calum and Duke… it was your favorite memory with them. But the damage was stronger than the nostalgia, so you threw that picture to the ground before you left the room that once belonged to you.

You were running down the stairs when you passed Calum running up them. You ignored him as he stopped in his tracks and followed you to the hall.

“Y/N!” He said, desperate to try and stop you “Y/N, baby, please! Hear me out!”

“Hear what?! I already heard enough!” You said as you turned around.

Calum’s face was almost unrecognizable. The fear in his eyes, the desperation in his voice and his close off body language was not something you’d normally see in him. The “I fucked up” expression showed all the regret in the world, yet you didn’t seem to care at the moment.

“I. Heard. All of it, Calum” You cried through gritted teeth, anger boiling inside of you as you stared at the man you thought you’d marry “All of it and not once did I hear you say something to try and defend me. How do you think that made me feel?!”

“Baby-“ He tried, but you cut him off.

“I work my ass off all day and night for you, for us. For me to go and see you on tour like you ask me to, knowing damn well I would go to the ends of this fucking earth for you! Catching up extra classes and shifts so I can go with you. I cancel everything to be with you. I gave up everything for us to be together. I barely even have time for myself as I try my best to be something worthy of you!” Your tears were staining your face, but you pushed away the pain for a moment, knowing that once you break down it’s over “I try my best to be a good girlfriend, a good friend! I loved you with all my heart and this is what I get after almost three years? A good fuck? That 's it?”

Calum’s world fell to the floor as he tried hard to fight off the lump in his throat, whispering in a broken voice “Loved?”

“That’s all you get from it?” You ask defeated “Calum I would’ve never let my friends call you names, insult you or offend you in any way. I would’ve gone to the ends of the world for you, defended you till the day I die. All because I trusted you to do the same for me and you failed me, Calum. You broke me. You let him call me a bitch, a stuck up, worthless, stupid, bossy, annoying… should I go on? Cause those words are now printed in my memory, next to you agreeing to all of those things. Is that what you think of me?”

“Baby, I swear it’s not like that!” He said, grabbing your hand and trying to make you stay “I fucked up! I know! You are right, I failed you and you don’t know how much I hate myself for it! But please, love. You know I could never think of you like that… you are the most wonderful person there is! You are kind, smart, loving, beautiful-“

“Did you cheat on me?” You ask bluntly.

“What?”

“Did you cheat on me?”

“No!” Calum said instantly “No, I would never!”

You nodded “Yet, you thought of it.”

Calum opened his mouth to say something, but you cut him off again “Is that why you never made our relationship public? So you could have a free pass whenever you want to? Cause I thought it was to protect our privacy, for us to have a normal life in the midst of the chaos that is to date a celebrity. When you told all of that I thought “wow, this is a guy with integrity and with values” Yet I don’t know what to believe now. I thought you loved me-“

“I do love you-“

“I thought you loved me” You said, the tears were already dry as the anger came flooding in “But you don’t hurt the people you love. You don’t break them like you did to me. You don’t let anyone hurt them, even if they are not in the room with you. And you don’t cheat on them like you were going to tonight with that girl Vanessa while I waited here like an idiot for you to come home and spend some time with me”

You pull your hand out of his grasp, holding onto your bag as you heard Calum cry “Y/N-“

“You are free to do whatever you want now, Calum. Cause to the eyes of your fans you are single, and I am as well”

You turned around and saw Ashton waiting by the door with his keys in his hand. He opened up the door for you as you walked by, ignoring all of Calum’s pleads for you to stay.

“So you are just going to leave?!” He yelled, not knowing what else to do. “Whe- Where are you taking her Ashton?”

The black haired man made sure that you were already sitting in his car before turning around to face his friend “I’m taking here with me and away from you cause that’s what she needs now. So don’t bother calling or showing up cause you are not welcome right now. And don’t even try to call Luke or Michael cause they already know and we won’t support you on this” Ashton said as calm as he could. He already told him off, but the anger of seeing you cry in front of him still resided in him.

“I- I love her , Ash! You can’t just take her away from me. I’m her boyfriend!”

“Correction, you were her boyfriend. And I can take her away and I will cause she asked me to” He said taking an intimidating step closer to Calum “Cause while you were here talking trash about her behind her back, planning on how to cheat on her. I was back there, holding her while she broke down crying cause she couldn’t believe that her boyfriend didn’t stand up for her and let a fucking stranger insult her all night long! You weren’t there to see her eyes water or her lip tremble. You weren’t there when she begged me with tears in her eyes to not make a scene cause all she wanted to do was to get out of here. She is the most amazing person ever, she is a light in all of our lives and you extinguished her without a second thought. You might be my friend, but she is too and I love her and I will defend her no matter what, she doesn’t deserve this kind of crap you just showed to her. So don’t count on me to try and help you get her back, I won’t blame her if she doesn’t”

Calum felt small as Ashton walked away from him, closing the door with a bang and leaving him all alone in his big house. Well, almost.

“Dude, that was intense” Mitchy laughed as he placed a hand on Calum’s shoulder “So, wanna go now?”

A blind rage fell over Calum as he heard the mocking laughs of his so-called friend, acting like his life just didn’t fall apart in front of him.

Calum grabbed the singer by the neck of his shirt and pushed him forcefully against the wall “You are going to get out of my house and never come back. You hear me?!” He yelled to his face, almost letting out steam from his nostrils as he was sure he could kill him right now.

“Dude, what’s wrong with yo-“

Calum quickly grabbed a bottle from his nearby mini bar, suddenly gaining all the courage he should’ve had hours ago, and throwed it to Mitchy’s feet, making him jump “Get the fuck out!” He yelled, grabbing bottle after bottle, glass after glass and throwing them into the ground “OUT!”

Only when the last bottle was smashed into pieces did he realize he was completely alone.

And only then did he allow himself to cry for the loss of the love of his life, walking away from him and leaving him to pick up the pieces of two broken hearts.

part 2

Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @talksoprettyjjx @mystic-232

#calum hood #5 seconds of summer #5sos #calum hood angst #calum hood fanfiction #calum fic #calum hood imagine #suchalonelysunflower #fanfic #calum imagine #calum 5sos #calum 5 seconds of summer #ashton irwin #calum x reader #Calum hood x reader #calum x you #calum hood 5sos #calum hood 5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer fanfiction #5SOS fic #5SOS angst #5SOS fam #calum rec

[parisianprinceling]

Amatrix Strīgae

A continuation of Hostia Strigae, though maybe not. This follows its own storyline, so while the AU is the same, I think they are seperate timelines. It’s a little angsty, and probably not my best work, but I had to continue it. Please forgive any typos. I hope you enjoy.

------------------------------------------

She awoke early the next day, his arms were tight around her, and their legs were tangled together. She didn’t often get to experience these early moments with him. Many times when she awoke, he was gone, having left to work before sunrise.

She shifted her body around to face him, untangling their legs from one another. His eyes were shut, but he opened them once she leaned forwards and pressed a kiss to the side of his lips. Smiling softly, he lifted a hand to brush back her hair, stopping to gently stroke his thumb across her cheek.

“Good Morning.”

Even though he didn’t sleep most of the time, she was thankful that he still woke up with that gravelly morning voice she enjoyed so much. She grinned lazily back at him, resting her hand over his own and giving it a small squeeze.

“I’d ask how you slept, but I’m more interested in what you did while I wasn’t awake.”

He grinned back at her.

“What makes you think I didn’t lay here all night?”

Catching the disbelieving look she threw his way, he sighed deeply and rolled his eyes.

“Fine, Fine. If you must know, I read up on some old manuscripts I’ve been hunting down for a few years.”

“A few years?”

“....A few decades.”

Laughing softly, she slowly pulled away from him and sat up, stretching her arms above her head and rotating her neck to rid herself of a crick she had developed while sleeping.

He followed suit, swinging his legs off of the bed before standing up. She noticed he was still wearing his button up and slacks, somehow he had managed to keep them wrinkle-free. This didn’t surprise her, given his usual attention to detail.

He waited for her to stand up before making their bed, or rather for most of the time, her bed. He raised a curious eyebrow.

“I thought we’d agreed that you would stop wearing my shirts as sleep-ware, ma cherie. You know how long it takes for it to come back from dry cleaning.”

Doing a little spin, she sent him a sly grin.

“We did, but I changed my mind. Why? Don’t you think it suits me?”

With a blink, he was gone from her sight. The next thing she knew, she was being lifted into his arms as if she was as light as a feather. She blinked, surprised, up at him.

He smirked and leaned in, his face centimeters from her own. Flashing his teeth, including two rather sharp incisors, at her, he responded.

“I never said that my dear, you look ravishing in almost anything. I’m just afraid you enjoy inconveniencing me a little too much.”

After recovering from her initial shock, she smiled back up at him.

“Perhaps I do. What are you going to do about it?”

He leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips.

“You know very well what I’ll do.”

She found herself flushing slightly as he began his trek downstairs, carrying her all the way. She hit his chest lightly, protesting that he put her down, but he just tightened his grip, refusing to agree with her demands. He only sat her down in a stool once they had reached the kitchen. He began to look through the fridge and the pantry, searching for something to cook. 

She wrinkled her nose slightly, kicking her legs lightly against the bar.

“I don’t think you’ll find anything in there to sustain you.”

He rolled his eyes and sent her a look.

“I’m well aware of that, it is my kitchen, darling. I’m trying to find something for you. I can’t keep you malnourished either. It would reflect badly on me.”

She watched him as he started to prepare something, crepes, she thought. She frowned, hoping for a moment that he was doing it out of care, not only for his own wellbeing.

As she drew deeper into thought, she noticed that he looked more tired than usual. The dark circles under his eyes seemed deep-set, and his face was sunken. She even thought she could spot a few gray hairs sneaking into his normally well-groomed hair.

It wouldn’t be much longer until he would be at the point where he couldn’t go on without eating. Sighing, she leaned forwards and rested her chin in her hands. It was at times like these when he truly started to look his age. Without nutrition, it was hard for him to keep up appearances. She knew that when he ate he would revert back to his prime.

Thinking about it, she figured that’s why he was still home today. He must have taken the day off to stay with her. He always liked to kiss up to his meal before he ate. She supposed it made him feel less guilty. And although she knew he peppered her with affection and care in order to keep her coming back, she hoped there was something more to his intentions.

The sound of a plate being set in front of her broke her out of thought. He leaned forwards to rest his arms on the counter, watching her intently.

“You’ve been quiet. What were you thinking about?”

He reached out to cup her face gently, running a finger across her cheekbone softly.

She flinched slightly, not expecting him to be done already. Smiling nervously at the thought of him detecting her thoughts, she bit her lip.

“Ah, nothing. Just some work I have to finish up today.”

She looked over him in close proximity. He definitely looked worn. Meeting his gaze, she took a weary breath. He frowned slightly, taking a guess at what was running through her mind. With a sigh, he let his hand fall from her face. He moved behind her, wrapping his arms around her gently and pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head.

“Please don’t worry about that right now, ma cherie.”

Brushing her hair back gently, he rested his head on her shoulder. He felt her tense at his placement and let out another sigh.

“You can trust me. You know that.”

But could she? She knew that he would never intentionally hurt her, but how much longer could this last?

As he became stronger, she felt weaker. He would outlast her. He could rejuvenate with ease, but for her, time was irreversible. She knew that there were only a few outcomes for her.

One: she would die. Either by age or by his gluttony, she would die, a mortal, by his side.

Two: he would leave her. If he did truly care about her, he would spare her, and wish for her to live normally.

Or three: what she wanted so badly, she would spend eternity with him.

She knew that her options would eventually be narrowed down to the first or second choices. He was adamant about the fact that he did not wish for her to share his curse. She wasn’t sure if he truly cared, or if he felt threatened, but the option seemed off the table. She had asked him about it before, but he shut down immediately. He always redirected the conversation or refused to answer. Eventually, she stopped bringing it up.

She sighed and pressed a gentle kiss against the knuckles of his closest hand.

“Of course I do.”

Her smile was strained. If he was looking at her, he would have been able to tell.

While centuries of practice with humans had allowed him to lock his own facade, the years had also made him a master of reading their thoughts. She was no different to him. From the moment they first met, he could see right through her.

It was partly what drew her into him. She loved that he could understand her, even if she knew it would never be mutual.

After a moment of staying where he was, he stood back up again. Whether from boredom or temptation, she didn’t know. While his gentle, loving actions were usually a comfort to her, they did nothing but make her anxious during the times that he was hungry. She felt like he was luring her in, making her weak to his advances so that he could eventually strike.

It scared her sometimes. His mysterious side made her all the more aware of how insignificant she was in his long lifespan. There were countless others, in Paris alone, that would kill for her spot. Unlike them, she wasn’t trying to climb any ladder. She offered herself to him for emotional gain, not power. But even she was replaceable. He acted like he cared, but she didn’t know how long that would last. Eventually she wouldn’t have her beauty, and her health would be too feeble to keep him sustained. He needed youth, not an old woman. She knew this, and yet she always returned to him.

What good was love in a heart that was only being used for what it could produce?

Lost in thought again, she hardly noticed his absence at her side until she snapped out of it. Looking around, she found herself utterly alone. Able to breathe again, she looked over her plate. Even though he had taken the time to make her breakfast, she no longer had any appetite to eat it.

She wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly aware of how cold his abode felt. She had been through this so many times that it shouldn’t scare her, but it still made her weary. She found her thoughts flooded with anxiety. She felt like the frightened animal he saw her as.

She wondered if he secretly enjoyed seeing her scared; if it reminded him of the times where he could act as a hunter without worrying about societal conditions.

She wandered throughout the house for an hour or two. It wasn’t uncommon for him to disappear on the days he stayed home. After all, he still had work to do, and he couldn’t do it sitting in the light of the living room. Just because he couldn’t show his face in the office didn’t mean he could neglect the company.

She found herself in the library. She enjoyed reading his older tomes. He had written journals dating from 1789 onwards, though she was sure they didn’t tell anything of his early days. He refused to tell her exactly how old he was. Like with his appearance, he was somewhat vain in matters pertaining to his age, but he also didn’t wish to frighten her with the true extent of his life. The diaries weren’t overly personal, nothing about him really was, but it gave her some insight into what all he had gone through. His handwriting had stayed constant throughout the years, changing slightly as cursive gave way to a more print-like style, but it always retained the detail that all old writings seemed to possess.

She had made it about halfway through the journals. Picking up her most current read, the tome labelled 1885-1918, she made her way over to the velvet couch at the side of the room. While she was reading though, she could feel her fatigue coming over her, lulling her into sleep, the journal resting open against her chest.

When she opened her eyes once more, a few hours had passed. She could see the window from her position, and could tell that it was dark out. Her momentarily eased fear crept its way back into her veins.

After placing the book back on its shelf, she made her way back to the living room, finding Vincent already sitting on the couch, book in hand. He had donned his reading glasses, and was absent-mindedly twirling a pen in his free hand. As she approached, he glanced up at her, a gentle smile on his features.

“I didn’t want to wake you. I hope you don’t mind, ma cherie.”

He seemed worse for wear than he was that morning. He had looked tired earlier, maybe a little aged, but now he seemed gaunt. His handsome features were still in place, but he had lost color in his cheeks. His hair seemed more streaked, obviously so. It didn’t frighten her in aspect, she had seen it before. What frightened her more was what it signified.

She made her way over to the chair opposite him. She might have been afraid, but there was no avoiding what was to come. She returned his gentle smile.

“Of course not. I just regret that I haven’t been able to spend more time with you,” she bluffed.

He grinned at her, his incisors gleaming in the light.

“Liar.”

Rolling her eyes, she stood up and moved her location so that she was sitting beside him on the kitschy couch (one of the many things he had picked up on travels around the world).

“Why can you always tell when I’m bluffing?” She pouted slightly and rested her head against his arm. “It isn’t fair that you know what I’m thinking when I can hardly ever tell what’s going through your mind.”

He sighed amusedly, lifting one of her hands up to press a sound kiss to the back of it.

“Practice, my dear.”

His lips remained against the back of her hand for a moment too long. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. She caught a slight twitch in his eyebrow as he restrained himself. He quickly let go of her hand after a minute. If there was one thing he hated, it was losing control.

He reopened his eyes, clearing his throat at the same time. He didn’t dare look at her. She, too, sat in silence for a moment before reaching up and gently redirecting his face towards her. Whatever anxiety she held throughout the day was gone, and sincerity shone in her eyes.

“Vincent, it’s alright. I’m alright. Please, don’t hurt yourself by putting this off.”

His eyes searched her face, looking for any inclination that he should hold back. When he found nothing, he shut his eyes with a grimace. Nothing in his environment was suggesting that he deter his actions. Even his own willpower was failing him. Leaning in, he gently rested his forehead against hers, peering into her eyes.

“Isabelle,” he whispered softly, almost painfully. “Please, let me go out tonight. I don’t want to hurt you.”

She took his hand into hers, using her free hand to cup his face.

“Then let’s end this game. Please,” she pleaded.

He knew what she meant. With a hiss, he pulled away from her.

“Isabelle, no. We’ve discussed this. That is not an option.” His tone was final as he looked pointedly down at her. “I won’t put you through that.”

“Vincent, please. It’s what I want. I can handle it. I promise.” She was crying now. “Please,” and after a breath,

“I love you.”

He froze.

When had he allowed himself to get close enough to her for her to utter those little words. This changed the situation. He was hoping that one day, he would be able to leave, and that she would move on. But he could see from the look in her eyes that she was genuine.

For the first time in a very long while, he was terrified. He couldn’t give her what she wanted. Even if he was successful, the torture she would have to endure while she adapted would be immense. He wouldn’t see herself becoming the monster that he was.

Even so, he was hungry. He had waited too long.

She could feel him tense. His knuckles were white; his fingers gripping onto the material of the couch. She could feel his warm breath against the hairs on her neck as he leaned in, embracing her within his arms. He didn’t move further though, seemingly testing his own restrictions. Her arms found their way over his shoulders, one gently teasing the hair at the back of his head, the other resting lazily against his shoulder blade.

“Don’t,” she whispered into his ear. “You’re only hurting us both if you wait. You know that.”

Gritting his teeth, he sent an icy glare towards the veins in her neck. He hated that he had to rely on them for his own life.

“I can’t.”

But he was transfixed. He couldn’t release himself from his own primal instincts. And so, when she stayed silent, leaving herself vulnerable to him, he moved in.

It always started the same way. As impatient as his hunger made him, he could offer her some comfort before the pain. He began to press soft kisses down her neck, although today, they felt final. His arms held onto her tightly, and he felt a strange wetness prickle at his cold eyes.

Shakily, he began the process that they had done so many times. He felt her grasp onto him and knew that her eyes must have squeezed shut at the pain. She had stopped responding vocally long ago, but even she wasn’t immune to the agony that followed.

They stayed in silence for a while; him drinking, and her holding tightly onto him.

She knew something was wrong when he didn’t pull away as she began to feel faint. She tugged on his shirt weakly, croaking out.

“V-Vincent… that’s enough.”

But he didn’t stop. If anything, his arms held her even closer, refusing to release her.

She let out a whine, unable to pass any more words through her lips, which had turned cold. Shivering, her grip loosened on his shirt. She was deadweight in his arms.

He was shaking too as he finally pulled away. The wetness prickling at his eyes had become full tears as he held her gently, cradling her in his arms.

He wouldn’t ever grant her wish and see her become like him.

And unfortunately, that meant he had to lose her forever.

#vampireau #colp #VincentxMC #vincentxoc #im sorry #I'm trying to be active

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

with you [3/6]

Summary: Clementine pops the question.

Preview:

Louis had read plenty of those magazines from the headmaster’s office, the ones about dating and relationships. He read an article when he and Clementine first got together, when they were preparing to infiltrate the delta. He’d read it out of curiosity, not knowing anything about how to be a boyfriend, and to take his mind off their imminent doom.

This article was bitter, written from a broken heart, and mean-spirited enough for him to skip at the time. But, now, thinking back…

It was about all relationships being a ticking time bomb, all because of one reason:

One person always loves a little bit more than the other.

One person always gives more than they should. One always cares too much. One is always at a greater risk of being hurt or left behind.

One is always weaker.

Warnings: There’s lots of smooching this time, but again, no sexual content.  Violet’s still angsty. Tenn hates bottles. Aasim’s a bad liar but he’ll lie anyway because Ruby’s sweet. Louis gets a little angsty himself. Mitch’s secret stash of wine makes an appearance.

Author’s note: So, in case you didn’t see that little update I posted about this story, long story short: I’m the biggest goddamn liar and now there’s 4 parts 5 parts because I don’t know how to keep anything short and sweet. 

I also just want to say thank you for all the nice comments. Like, I don't think there are enough words in the English language to describe how astonished I am to have received so many nice messages about this story. When I first started writing this, I didn't expect anything like that. I really started this because it was a request and I had a lot of feelings about ep3 [which, I still do hence why this turned out longer than I had planned]

Anyway, thank you so much for reading and for all the nice comments!

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Read on AO3

---

The window's open.

Louis slips in and out of darkness, stuck between a dreamless calm and a waking reality. Cool hair drifts in through the cracked window, brushing against the bare skin of his arm. But, it's not the morning chill or the golden glow flowing in through the parted curtains that wakes him up.

A gentle hand shakes his shoulder.

A familiar presence stands over him, he can feel it even in his drowsy state.

Nothing dangerous, of course. Otherwise, he'd be bolting out of bed and pulling Chairles from off the shelf, swinging with a blind fury.

He rolls over onto his side, eyes too heavy to open.

"Louis?"

The hand grasps his shoulder again, this time shaking a little harder. His grogginess worsens. It’s like someone poured wet cement into his bones. He stretches his arm out over the empty spot next to him in search of Clementine’s warmth, inhaling the morning air and letting it out with a groan.

The hand shakes him again, so he grabs and holds it.

"U-uh-"

Louis buries his face in his pillow. His voice comes out muffled, groggy, "Darling, come back to bed."

"Louis!"

The pillow's yanked out from under his head. His nose smashes against the mattress and his eyes snap open.

"Ow! Hey!"

He's ready to complain about such a rude awakening until he realizes whose hand he's still holding.

The room is awkwardly silent until Louis mumbles, "You're not Clementine."

"No," Aasim pulls his hand free and hits Louis with the pillow, "no, I'm not."

Louis snatches the pillow away, tucking it back under his head and sighing. "How long have you been watching me sleep?" He yawns. "I didn't take you for the creeper type."

"I wasn't watching you sleep," Aasim rolls his eyes. "I came to wake you up. We're going hunting."

"Hunting?"

It's the first he's heard of this. He and Aasim usually go hunting every few days, and they just went the day before. Louis props himself on his elbows to peer up at him with a dull expression. Another yawn builds in his throat.

"You must have your days mixed up," he says. "Mitch and Willy go today. We're not supposed to go ‘til tomorrow."

"No, it’s our turn," Aasim says quickly. "We gotta go now. James was out there earlier and he saw a deer."

A...

A what?

"A deer?" Louis perks a brow. "Sure it wasn't just a big possum? Or a walker on all fours? Maybe even a bunch of bunnies standing on each other's shoulders?"

"He's pretty damn sure it was a deer," Aasim insists. He turns to spread the window curtains farther apart. More light floods in, causing Louis to wince as his eyes adjust to the sudden brightness.

"He's already out there tracking it,” Aasim grabs Louis’ coat from off the desk chair and tosses it to him, “so we gotta move fast is we want any chance of hunting it. We also have to check the traps and make sure the fishing shack is still secure."

"A deer?" Louis presses again. "Like, a real deer? Like Bambi?”

“Bambi was a cartoon.”

“You know what I mean,” Louis grins. “We've never seen a deer out there, like, ever. Not even at the beginning."

Aasim scratches at his chin anxiously. "Well, James just saw one, so... Get up and get ready. We're leaving soon.”

Louis swings his legs over the side of the bed and stretches out his arms, groaning in satisfaction as the muscles loosen.

“How soon is ‘soon’?”

“As soon as you put your boots on.”

Louis sighs.

This definitely isn’t what he had planned for this morning.

He glances over at the old CD player and the tangle of dingy headphones on the desk. He’d have to remember to grab another pair from the music room. Those ones only have one working earbud. He only hopes that those songs were enough to lull Clementine’s distress, even if just for the night.

It’s been a long time since he’s seen her so physically upset.

He knows Clementine well enough by now. He knows that she still holds in most of those awful feelings. Whenever something upsets her, or even after she has a nightmare of her own, her face defaults to a stoic expression. Whether she does it out of habit, or because she doesn’t want him or anyone else to worry, or some concoction of both, he’s not sure.

She has enough room within her to bottle it up. She has the strength to hold it in.

Sometimes, he wishes he was like that.

Sometimes, he felt he was bursting at the seams.

And there she always was, trying to sew him back together.

Seeing her like that… shit, it’s one of the most hopeless feelings when all you can do is hold someone without the power to heal their pain.  

Louis squeezes his eyes shut, biting the inside of his cheek.

“I talked to Violet…”

Violet.

Shit, what could’ve possibly brought that on?

He hadn’t asked, even though he wanted to. God, he really wanted to. He’s so desperate to know... why now? Did it just happen, or has it been weighing in her mind for a while? What was it about? Why didn’t she tell him?

He didn’t want to upset her any more than she already was, though, so he left it alone. She would tell him when she was ready.

And, Violet…

He can’t imagine how she must be feeling right now.

He watches Aasim as he paces over to AJ’s desk, stopping to look over the several drawings hanging on the wall.

Louis really doesn’t want to go hunting.

He already had his morning planned out.

First, he’d wake up and kiss Clementine before her watch. Or, if she already left, go find her and then kiss her.

It’s sort of a rule he has. While Louis was never one for strict rules or planning, he does have certain things that have to be done. Kissing Clementine every day is one of those rules.

Okay, maybe it’s not considered a rule, per se.

But, he made sure to kiss her every morning, and whenever one of them left to go hunting or scavenging or on watch without the other, and every night before bed. It didn’t have to be a crazy, passionate kiss. Sometimes, just a little peck on the cheek was enough.

It made him feel better, even if he knows it’s his subconscious telling him, “Kiss her! It might be your last chance! Death is always watching you, Louis!”

Anyway.

After he kissed her, he’d ask her if she was feeling any better, or if she wanted to talk about it. Whether she would or not, he didn’t know.

Next, he’d grab two plates of breakfast and head over to Violet’s room. If she answered, they’d eat together. If she didn’t answer or let him in, she’d at least have food waiting for her. Then, he’d find Tenn to watch over her, make sure she ate.

However, it seems that Aasim’s determined to foil those plans all in the name of some deer James supposedly saw.

Seriously, a deer?

Louis tries to rub the drowsiness from his eyes, shaking his head in disbelief. Aasim might as well of said, “Hey! Leprechauns are frolicking in the woods! Quick! Let’s go get their gold!”

Well, okay, maybe a deer is more plausible than a leprechaun.

But, still.

When Aasim notices Louis’ lack of movement and vacant stare, he crosses his arms and shoots him an exasperated look.

“Now, dude.”

Louis scratches the back of his neck as he hangs his head. “Do you really need me to go?” he asks. “I mean, it’s not like we need three people tracking a deer that may or may not be a figment of James’ imagination.”

“It’s not a figment of his imagination,” Aasim sighs. “Will you just put your boots on? We’re wasting daylight.”

“You’re awfully pushy this morning.”

“No, I just-” Aasim stops, looking away. "I want that deer, okay?"

Louis studies him for a moment as he pulls on his jacket, trying to understand the stress prominent in his features.

"Dude, if you're so worried about the deer, just go without me-"

"No! No, you- I-uh, " Aasim presses his mouth into a thin line. His eyes dart around the floor. He wears a taut expression that Louis recognizes. It's one that Aasim usually has when he's jotting down the day's events and he can't figure out how to word something.

Louis gets off the bed, hands on his hips and head cocked curiously.  "You okay?"

"You have to come with me," Aasim says slowly. He scratches at his scruffy chin and looks towards to door, saying, “We need three people to carry it back when we get it.”

“I doubt it. Two people’s enough.”

“No, three people are needed to safely carry it.”

“James’ strong. Honestly, the dude could probably drag it back here himself. You don’t need me there.”

Then, Aasim blurts out, "I-I don't want to be alone with James.”

Louis almost laughs. "What?"

"Uh-” Aasim stutters, “Yeah, he makes me nervous, okay? You guys are friends. If you go, he'll have someone to talk to and I won't have to worry about him."

“Are you serious?” Louis asks. “I thought you two got along. I mean, you talk to him every time he’s here. Hell, don’t you always eat together, too?”

“That- that doesn’t mean anything. Will you just put your damn boots on, already?” Aasim finds his boots on the floor and kicks them towards him. “Why do you always have to be so damn difficult?”

Louis opens his mouth to speak, but then promptly shuts it.

Something’s weird.

Aasim’s being weird.

He never argues this much. Usually, by now he would’ve thrown his hands up, stomped out and left him behind, grumbling about what a pain in the ass he is.

But, there Aasim stood, moving about the room impatiently, still waiting for him.

Louis slips on his boots, keeping an eye on the other boy, and begins slowly lacing them up.

Aasim picks up the small venus fly trap on the desk and pokes it, causing it to steadily close its mouth. He’s so forcefully fixated on the plant that Louis is convinced something’s up.  

Louis has known him for a long time, and he knows that Aasim avoids eye contacts and becomes defensive due to three things: when someone brings up the delta, when he’s lying about something, or when someone confronts him about his crush on-

Louis’ mouth falls agape.

Oh.

“He makes you nervous, huh?” Louis asks, hopping to his feet.

Aasim almost drops the plant, but luckily, he catches it. “Yeah, so what?”

“Why?”

“Uh?”

“Why does he make you nervous?” Louis repeats, drawing out each word. “I mean, aside from the whole wearing another dude’s face and hanging out with his walker friends.”

Aasim’s lips part as though he’s ready to speak, but it seems he’s stuck. He moves his hands about as if somehow that’ll help him articulate the words he’s looking for. In the end, he gives an agitated sigh and heads towards the exit, saying, “Just drop it and let’s go.”

However, Louis is quick to stride ahead and shut the door, pressing his back against it and raising his brow suggestively at him. “Not so fast!”

“Dude, really?”

Louis smirks. “I see you, Aasim.”

“What?” Aasim scowls. “Get out of the way. Clem’s gonna be pissed we haven’t left yet.”

Louis grins brightly. He ignores Aasim’s protests, reaching out to grasp his shoulder. “It’s finally happened. Our poor Aasim, the fool forever trapped within the realms of unrequited love-”

“Uh, what?”

“-has finally moved on from dear, sweet Ruby-”

“No-”

“-and onto the ever so mysterious-”

“No, no-”

“-handsome James!”

“Oh my god…” Aasim rubs his eyes, fingers curling over his face in irritation. “Oh my god, you’re so stupid.”

“Ah, James,” Louis disregards the insult, saying, “Gotta say, I did not see that one coming. Never thought I’d see the day you give up on Ruby.”

“I don’t have a crush on James, you idiot.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And I never had a crush on Ruby.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I don’t-didn’t!”

“Uh-huh.”

Aasim inhales sharply through his nose. “I swear, it’s like you want to piss me off!”

Louis holds his hands up defensively, saying, “No, I hear you, dude. I just don’t believe you. You can’t look me in the eye and say with a straight face that you never liked Ruby like that.”

Aasim rubs his palms over his jacket before crossing his arms, not saying a word.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Louis continues, “Ruby’s a sweet girl- well, sweet until pushed otherwise. And, James is really cool underneath that walker getup. In fact, I dare say you two would be pretty damn adorable,”

Aasim holds up his hand inches away from Louis’ face. “I’m gonna stop you right there before you say any more stupid shit,” he says sternly. “I don’t like James.”

“If that’s true, then why’re you being so weird?” asks Louis.

“Look,” Aasim sighs. “We could stand here all day arguing about this stupid shit, and the longer we do that, the farther that deer gets, and the longer James is stuck out there waiting for us by himself. Clementine is counting on both of us to go out there and track it, so can you please just take this seriously for once?”

“Who says I’m not being serious?”

Aasim shoots him a look.

“Okay, fine,” he sighs. He pushes away from the door. “You really believe he saw a deer out there?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“And so does Clem?”

“Why else would she send me to wake your ass up?” Aasim asks, glancing back down at the floor.

Well, so much for morning plans. He’d have to shorten his list and make it quick.

“Just answer me this last question,” Louis says with a wide smirk. “How long have you liked James?”

“I’m not playing this game with you.”

“What game? You wanted me to be serious, so here I am! Being serious! How long?”

“I don’t-” Aasim groans, rubbing his hands harshly over his face and through his hair.

Alright, that’s enough teasing, he thinks. Louis would ask him about it again later when Aasim isn’t so flustered or preoccupied with thoughts of a prancing deer.

“Okay, okay, let’s go get Bambi. But before that, can I at least do my morning business first?” he asks. “Or am I gonna have to hold it the whole time?”

“Fine,” Aasim sighs, relieved, “just hurry up. Meet you at the gates.”

And with that, he hurries out the door.

Louis shakes his head with a small smile. With Chairles in his possession and a set determination, Louis leaves the bedroom, ready to complete his morning plans in the short amount of time given.

---

From down the hall, Louis can hear the sound of glass shards scraping against the wooden floors. His gut tightens.

Violet’s door is wide open.  

Uneasy, apprehensive to continue, he comes to a stop.

Violet never leaves her door open, not even a crack. Whether she’s alone or not, she always makes sure her door is shut and locked. There’s been plenty of times where he’d gone to see her and after she let him in, she’d almost push him out of the way to slam the lock shut.

He’d asked her about it the first time it happened. She hadn’t answered him. She was too ashamed to, so she pretended not to hear the question.

He didn’t say any more about it. If it made her feel better- safer, more secure- then he wouldn’t argue. He’s gotten in the habit of locking it himself every time he comes to visit just so she doesn’t panic.

Eventually, he does peek into the room.

But, he doesn’t find Violet.

No, he’s alarmed to find Mitch bent down on the floor with a dustpan and a small, broken broom, cautiously sweeping up shattered glass bits. There’s a small bag next to him with a wooden frame protruding from it. Clear concentration knits his brows and his lips move as if silently mumbling to himself.

Louis’ eyes narrow. He tries to wrap his head around just what he’s seeing.

When he moves closer, right into the door frame, Mitch doesn’t seem to notice, even when he clears his throat.

So, he speaks.

“Hey, Mitch,” he says, loud and flat.

Mitch jerks back, losing his balance, hissing out, “Jesus motherfucking-!” He drops the dustpan to help steady himself, letting glass slip out onto the floor again. He scrambles to his feet, cheeks flushing a furious red, but his glare dies when he sees it’s Louis standing there. He grows tense, unmoving, with eyes wide like a small child just caught sneaking around where they weren’t supposed to.

The two stare at each other for many seconds before Mitch points at him.

“You’re not supposed to be here.”

“Funny,” Louis scoffs, pushing his jacket back to place his hands on his hips firmly, “I was about to say the same thing.”

“I, uh-” Mitch straightens out, looking down at the broom in his hand and the glass on the floor before peering back up at him. “Shouldn’t you be out hunting?”

“Don’t change the subject,” Louis frowns. He approaches the other boy, asking, “What are you doing here? Where’s Vi?”

“She’s with Tenn,” Mitch says. “Spent the night in his room after she, uh,” he motions down to the broken glass, “flipped out.”

Concern tightens in his throat. The panic must be clear on his face, because Mitch shakes his head and explains, “She did it after their talk.” He kneels back down and starts sweeping again. “Clem told’ja about that, I assume?”

“Yeah,” he says slowly. “And, how do you know about it, exactly?”

“I was keeping watch. Made sure Violet didn’t do anything.” Mitch dumps the glass bits into the small bag before motioning towards the desk. “She didn’t, at least not while Clem was here. She smashed this after we were leaving. I left the picture over there.”

Louis hesitates, but steps around Mitch, wary of the remaining glass bits. As he approaches the desk, he notices that her water bottle is tipped over onto its side, empty. What’s worse, is he can see it’s completely dry, like it hasn’t been used in a long time. He stands it up, moving it right next to her journal.

He remembers when Aasim gave that to her. It wasn’t bound like a real book, but Aasim had gathered some thicker paper from the basement and had Ruby sew it together into a makeshift book. It even had a cover, drawn by Tenn.

Aasim gave it to her after the delta, said that writing was easier than talking. He gave her a bunch of pencils and pens, too, but he can’t spot any lying around. Louis doesn’t know if she really writes in it, though he hopes she does. Anything to help, anything to release a little bit of that pain.

Louis considered it, once. But, trying to write down his feelings only frustrated him. Instead, he turned to Clementine and music for solace.

He glances away from the journal and to the photo laying at the bottom corner of the desk.

Violet, Minerva, and Sophie, all together, all smiling.

He can’t help but grin, even if there’s no joy in it.

The photo’s covered in scratches, from the glass, no doubt. But, the faces are still clear.

Minerva.

The real Minnie.

Not the husk that pointed her crossbow at him, who tried to kill Clementine and take them all away to that sick hellhole.

As he stares at her radiant face, her long hair and sincere eyes, he wishes that’s the only way he could remember her; happy, radiant, beautiful.

Fuck, he couldn’t even remember her laugh, or how charming her singing was.

She used to always laugh at his stupid jokes, at his silly voices and silly songs. Even when no one else would, she’d take pity on him and laugh.

They’d sing together in their downtime, too. They’d sing until Violet threw her head back, groaning out that he was ruining the song. So, he’d shut up and just play the piano, and Minerva would sing.

Louis thinks that’s when it happened.

When Violet first fell in love.

That’s why she always told him to shut up. Something in Minerva’s voice brought her comfort, gave her some sense of purpose.  

He can remember Violet sitting there, watching both of them, and when Minerva sang to her, it was like he didn’t exist anymore. He was just there for background noise, a mere puppet to set the mood and a witness to what was blossoming.

It was beautiful.

Violet was beautiful.

He’d told her that shortly after she and Minerva became official, told her how happy he was for her. She punched him in the shoulder and called him stupid.

Minerva had agreed with him, though.

God, the way they looked at each other.

“I killed her.”

But, the memories of her glazed over expression, her washed out, gaunt face overshadow those fond times now.

Minerva...

“I killed her.”

Sophie.

“I killed her.”

Poor, poor Sophie.

He has to squeeze his eyes shut and bite his lip to stop his quivering chin. He’s not about to cry here, especially not in front of Mitch. He swallows the lump forming in his throat and breathes in, and out. He places the picture in the desk drawer.

“She wasn’t hurt, right?” Louis asks, attempting to hide the tremble in his voice. “By the glass?”

“Not that I could see. I didn’t see any blood anywhere.”

Well, at least she’s physically still intact. That doesn’t make him any less worried, though.

Mitch’s eyes dart all around the floor, looking for any shards he might’ve missed. He turns on his heels to grab his bag again.

“Clem told you?” Louis asks. “That she was gonna talk to her?”

“Yeah.”

Louis knows Clementine and Mitch had some sort of understanding with each other, but of all the people he thought she would’ve turned to when it came to talking to Violet, he didn’t put Mitch too high on the list.

“Why?”

“Uh,” Mitch stops sweeping. “Why what?”

“Why’d she tell you?” Louis asks. “She could’ve come to me.”

Mitch tenses. “I-I don’t fucking know, dude!” he exclaims far too loudly. As he continues, his speech becomes quicker, more defensive, “She just said it and I told her it was a shit idea but no, she just had to come and poke the bear right in the fucking eye and when you do that you get your hand bitten off and so I said I’d come with her and make sure her hand doesn’t get bitten off- shit I didn’t actually say it like that but I said, ‘don’t do it,’ and she was all, ‘I’m doing it,’ and-”

“Okay, okay,” Louis interrupts, startled by the outburst. “I get the idea. But why are you here now?”

Straightens himself out again, leaving the broom and dustpan on the floor to tie up the bag. “She wasn’t gonna clean it up,” he mumbles. “Hey, shouldn’t you be hunting? Aasim’s gonna kick your ass if you don’t get moving. We need that deer.”

Again, with the hunting thing.

“Yeah, yeah, the deer,” he sighs. “I’m going. I just wanted to check up on Vi first.”

“Doubt she wants to see anybody. Better off going straight to Aasim.”

“I will,” Louis crosses his arms, “as soon as I see you out.”

Mitch eyes him questioningly before it dawns on him. “Oh, right. Fair enough.” He leaves the broken broom and dustpan in the corner of the room and scopes out the floor one last time. “Tell her not to break any glass shit next time. It’s a pain in the ass to clean up.”

Louis doesn’t bother responding. Mitch is already out the door anyway, leaving him alone in the emptiness of Violet’s room.

---

It’s chillier this morning. While the sun is still bright it the sky, there are more clouds floating about, all various shades of gray. Maybe not dark enough to worry about rain at the moment, but they still pass over the sun and bring a coolness over the school.

Louis tugs on the collar of his jacket, covering up a bit. Upon looking around, he’s a little surprised to only see Tenn sitting at his usual table, holding a board with a piece of paper taped on it in his lap, and Aasim pacing in front of the gates. He can faintly see Clementine and AJ up on watch.

No Ruby, no Willy, no Omar.

Even Rosie isn’t outside.

Odd.

But, he shrugs it off. He didn’t think he’d been late enough to miss breakfast, but that does bring up another concern.

Ignoring Aasim for a moment, figuring he can wait just a little bit longer, Louis makes his way towards Tenn.

There’s a line up of old bottles, some broken, some filled with a gross looking grey liquid. The board rests comfortably in Tenn’s lap. He’s focused on his drawing, his eyes constantly darting up to stare at the bottles before going back to copy it onto paper.

“Hey, Tenn,” Louis greets.

The boy looks back at him, eyes wide and blinking rapidly. “Oh, h-hi, Louis,” he says.

“What’cha drawing today?” Louis asks enthusiastically, peering over his shoulder.

Tenn sheepishly sets the board on the table, careful not to knock anything over. Several drawings of bottles fill up the page, all a little wobbly or disproportionate.

“James said I need practice drawing from life more, but,” Tenn sighs, “bottles are hard.”

“Yeah, but it looks like you’re getting the hang of it.” Louis points to a sketch in the right corner. “I like this one. It looks real enough to drink out of!”

A small, timid smile spreads across the young boy’s face. “Really?”

“Totally,” Louis gives an encouraging grin. “Wait until James sees these. He’s gonna be floored at how good you’re getting. Oh!” Louis pats his shoulder. “By the way, that one you did of me looks amazing on our wall.”

“You-you hung it up?”

“Of course I did!”

Tenn looks away to hide his diffident smile. “Thanks, Louis…”

“Of course,” Louis grins. He moves around and takes a seat next to him with a sigh, his usual grin replaced with a more serious look. “Hey,” he lowers his voice, “how’s Vi doing?”

Tenn sets his pencil down, keeping his eyes locked on his hands. “She’s okay. She slept in my room last night.”

“I heard,” Louis scratches at his chin thoughtfully, “but, she’s okay? Well, as okay as she can be?”

“I think so,” Tenn says. “She-...she cried a lot, but she’s stopped, so...”

Shit.

“Did she get any sleep?”

“A little. She’s still in bed. She told me I didn’t have to wait for her.”

“Did she eat anything?”

“I brought her some breakfast,” he nods, “and she ate a little.”

Relief washes over him.

“Good,” he says. “That’s good. Keep an eye on her, okay? I was gonna go check on her myself but it seems I’m needed elsewhere.”

Tenn goes back to his drawing, pulling the board back into his lap, saying, “Uhm, aren’t you and Aasim-”

“Going hunting, yes, to capture that magical deer prancing in the woods.” Louis stands up again, giving Tenn one last pat on the back. “Her waterbottle’s in her room. When you take a break, would you fill it up and bring it to her?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks, buddy,” Louis smiles warmly. “Keep up the good work.”

He waves good-bye to the young boy, but still strays away from the gates. He knows Aasim can see him, and it’s only a matter of time before he stomps over and drags him out by his ear.

There’s just one more thing he has to do.

Approaching the post where they take turns on watch, Louis calls up, “Clementine?”

At first, he doesn’t get a response. Then, AJ leans over and smiles down at him, excitedly waving. “Hi, Louis!”

“Hey, little man!” he laughs. “Clem up there?”

“Yeah!”

Clementine appears beside him, giving AJ a set of binoculars. Louis steps back, watching her climb down.

He’s pleased to see her smiling.

In fact, he dare say she’s glowing this morning.

She hurries over to him and slips into his open arms. Her cold nose brushes his skin when she leans up and pecks him on the lips.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning,” he grins. He opens his jacket up more, pulling her close and wrapping it around her as much as possible. “You’re freezing.”

“Been out here a few hours,” she sighs, melting into his touch, soaking up his warmth. “I expected to see you a lot sooner. Aasim’s been waiting.”

“Ah, yes, so we can hunt this infamous deer everyone’s so obsessed with,” he says, “He was ready to drag me out of bed by my feet this morning. I think I can actually feel him glaring at us right now.” He peeks over Clementine’s head nonchalantly, and sure enough, Aasim is staring at the couple, exasperated.

“Believe me, I heard all about it,” Clementine pulls back with a stern look. “You shouldn’t give him such a hard time.”

“Yeah, I know. He just makes it too easy sometimes. Anyway,” Louis leans forward to kiss her cheek. “Just wanted to make sure you were okay before I took off.”

She hums against his chest, mumbling, “I’m a lot better, actually. All things considered. It’s… a good day.”

“It’s a cold day.”

“It’s not that cold.”

“Your nose is about to fall off.”

“So dramatic.”

Louis chuckles, pulling back to rub warmth into her arms before stopping to hold her hands.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Later,” she says. “You have a deer to hunt.”

“Ugh.”

He’s getting pretty tired of hearing about this deer.

“Don’t pout. Think about how much a whole deer could feed us.”

“Not much, because I’m, like, eighty percent sure Bambi doesn’t really exist.”

“Louis.”

“Clementine.”

She shakes her head, trying to hide her smirk. She playfully smacks his chest. “Just go. You two have kept James waiting long enough. We’ll talk later, okay? I promise.”

Louis doesn’t let her hands go.

“You sure you’re okay?” he asks.

“Yes.”

He studies her face for any sign of unease but finds that she’s still smiling up at him.

When she notices his hesitation, she tugs on his hand.

“Are you okay?”

He murmurs, “I went to check on her. She wasn’t in her room.”

Clementine doesn’t say anything, but her grip on his hands tightens.

“But, I did find Mitch cleaning up glass, which was pretty surreal.”

Her eyes flutter shut as she lowers her head. “The picture…”

“Yeah,” he nods, “Tenn promised to keep an eye on her today. Try not to think about it too much. And if she does come out, well... ”

“I know.”

He doesn’t say any more about it. Her promise to talk about it when he gets back is enough assurance for him.

“Louis!” Aasim calls from the gates. “Let’s go!”

Louis shakes his head and forces a cheerful smile. “Best not keep poor Aasim waiting. He’s gonna need a shoulder to cry on when we don’t find that deer.”

Clementine rolls his eyes. “And here I thought you were the optimist.”

“Optimist, sure. Delusional? Not as much as you’d think.”

“Just don’t give Aasim such a hard time,” she says, quirking a knowing brow. “I hear he’s had a rough morning already.”

“I won’t,” he promises. “I have a feeling that he won’t hesitate to shoot at me today if I push the wrong button.”

Clementine’s fingers brush against his cheek before she pulls him down. Their lips press comfortably together as a pleased sigh escapes her. They savor the moment, reluctant to pull away. It takes him a second to recover, a second before he can open his eyes again.

God, she is glowing today.

And he’s just standing there, smiling and chuckling like a fool.

She turns away to hide the pretty blush blossoming on her cheeks, hitting his chest again. “Go.”

“Fine.”

Louis goes to the gates, turning to wave good-bye to her. He’s still grinning when he meets Aasim, who shakes his head and gives an exaggerated eye roll before pushing through the gates. Louis isn’t too far behind.

---

AJ watches through his binoculars as Louis and Aasim get farther and farther away. As soon as they’re out of sight, he rushes to the other side and gives Clementine a thumbs up.

She absently runs a finger over her bottom lip.

The giddiness is back.

She gives him a thumbs up back and rushes over to the basement, flinging the doors open and calling out, “They’re gone!”

“Oh, it’s ‘bout damn time!” she hears Ruby exclaim. “Thought they’d never get outta here! Alright, Clem, we got everythin’ we need!” She comes into sight carrying a box full of lanterns and different kinds of blankets. Behind her, Willy and Omar come up, each carrying a box of their own. Rosie rushes past them, eager to see Clementine.

She makes room for all of them to set the boxes down. Tenn wanders over, curiously looking over all the different materials.

“What took them so long?” complains Willy. “We’ve been down there forever!”

“Louis got sidetracked,” Clementine replies. “Just like I said he would.”

Omar scoffs. “‘Course he did. Did he buy the deer story?”

“I don’t think so,” Clementine laughs. “But, he believes that Aasim believes, and that’s all it took.”

“Told you Aasim would have his hands full.”

Oh, he did.

All morning, Clementine kept a close eye on the front doors, waiting for the two of them to appear. When only Aasim came out looking ready to rip his hair out, it worried her.

Thankfully, it wasn’t as bad as she expected. Louis hadn’t really believed the deer thing but was willing to go along anyway after Aasim panicked and lied about why he needed him there. Now, Louis was under the impression that Aasim had a crush on James, which Clementine had to admit was kind of funny.

Aasim wasn’t as amused as her. When he was relaying the conversation and where they were at in the plan, he openly expressed his dislike of having to lie. Then, he went on a rant about lying never really being beneficial and how the whole deer story made absolutely no sense. He stopped when Clementine reminded him that the deer thing was Ruby’s idea, and if he had a problem with it to take it up with her.

James snuck back in with a rabbit over his shoulder a little bit after that, asking what the hold up was. Aasim couldn’t even look at him.

Eventually, she had to take the rabbit and shoo James away before he blew his cover, then she sent Aasim to the gates so she could hide the rabbit and get back to her post before Louis showed up.

All in all, it’s been quite a morning.

“Ya should see all what we found down there!” Ruby beams, clapping her hands happily. “Found all sorts’a blankets, ribbons, candles, and decorations. And look at this basket! Perfect fer a picnic! Here, Omar,” she hands him a large woven basket with a long handle, “fix that up real pretty, would’ja? And Tenn, here’s yer vase.”

Tenn accepts the pale green vase with great care, looking over and rubbing the dust off it. Ruby hands him some ribbon, too.

“Willy, you’re going to help us pick flowers, right?” Tenn asks.

Willy nods, though not enthusiastically. “After I bring Mitch his candles.”

“He should already be in the music room,” Ruby says, “at least, he best be.”

Clementine doesn’t doubt he is by now. After she asked him to clean up the glass in Violet’s room, he promised he’d head there straight away to make sure Louis didn’t try and hideout. That backfired a little.

That’s why she told him to hurry. She knew that Louis would try and check on Violet before leaving.

Tenn heads back to his table to set the vase and ribbon down and meet up with AJ.

“Omar, ya got everythin’ ya need?”

“Think so,” Omar nods.

“James caught a rabbit for you to cook,” Clementine tells him. “I left it over by your dutch oven. Will that work?”

“You can count on me, Clem,” Omar grins. “It’ll be the best damn rabbit you’ve ever eaten, guaranteed.” Then, he reaches around in his box and pulls out a half-empty bottle of red wine. “Mitch’s secret stash will do wonders for the flavor.”

Ruby shakes her head. “Secret, my ass,” she mumbles.

“Want me to save some for you?” Omar asks.

She hadn’t considered bringing something like wine. Hell, she didn’t even know if she liked wine. She knew she didn’t like whiskey, and rum was pretty gross.

“I don’t know,” Clementine takes the bottle from him, twisting the cap off and sniffing. It smells faintly fruity, a little sweet, but the alcohol’s still prominent. “Is it good?”

“It’s pretty good,” Willy smiles.

Ruby shoots him a stern look, causing Willy to look away.

“Uh, at least, that’s what Mitch says.”

“I’ll leave some for you, just in case,” Omar decides. “Who knows, you might want it for the wedding. Have to make a toast to the bride and groom.”

Clementine smiles. “Right.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” Ruby points up at him, “don’t let me ferget ta pull out the headmaster’s nice drinkin’ glasses.”

“Drinking glasses, got it.” Omar turns back to Clementine, cheerfully saying, “I’ll get to skinning and marinating the rabbit before I fix the basket.” He’s clearly thrilled to be cooking something a little extra special.

“Will ya be okay by yerself?” Ruby asks.

“Oh yeah, definitely,” Omar says. He reaches down to pat Rosie before pulling more things out of his box. “I got all the company I need. I’ll keep an eye on the boys, too. Make sure they don’t cause too much trouble.”

“Thanks, Omar,” Clementine grins. “Really, it means a lot.”

“Of course, Clem.”

Ruby hauls up her box. “Oh, let’s go! I’m itchin’ ta fix up the place!” She hurries towards the doors.

Clementine can’t help but giggle a little at her enthusiasm. She helps carry the other box in with Willy right behind her.

---

Mitch is already in the music room. He’s moving the couch up against one of the walls, and it looks like he’s already brought up the gramophone and box of records, too.

“Jesus,” he groans. “‘Bout time. He finally leave?”

“Yep!” Ruby sets down her box with a huff. “Aasim and James should keep him plenty busy fer a while.” She rubs her hands together before digging back into her box.

Clementine and Willy set their boxes down, too. Mitch approaches them, huffing.

“Y’know, this would be a lot easier if you just slapped the ring on him and said, ‘You’re my husband now.’”

Clementine chuckles, rolling her eyes. “Always the romantic, aren’t you, Mitch?”

“Is that how yer lookin’ ta propose in the future?” Ruby teases. “Guarantee that won’t get’cha far.”

“He has to find someone who’ll put up with his charm first,” Clementine smirks.

Mitch glares at both of them, snapping, “Shut up.” He shakes his head, grabbing a dirty looking rag from Willy’s box and moves towards the piano. He starts wiping it down, causing little bits of dust to fly up in the air.

Willy lingers a little bit, pulling candles of various sizes out of his box, as well as a box of matches.

Ruby flattens out a large, fluffy blanket out onto the floor. It’s blue, with gold and green patterns swirling across it.

“Didn’t find any extra pillows down there,” she says. “Need some ta make it extra cozy.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Clementine smirks. “We’ve got plenty. Louis is a pillow hog. You should see his collection.”

And a collection it is.

During a one-on-one card game, Louis told her that he’d gone around to all the vacant rooms and collected all the pillows, storing them in his room. He said they made him feel safe, in a weird way.

Also, he made a lot of pillow forts out of them.

When he moved in, she had to put a limit on how many he could bring with him.

She turns towards Willy. “Wanna grab them from his old bedroom?”

Willy nods eagerly, rushing out.

“Don’t ferget the flowers!” Ruby calls after him.

Soon, the music room is like an entirely different place.

Ruby brought up a small, modified table to sit in the middle of the blanket. She explained they found it in the basement last night and had Mitch cut the legs down to size so that she and Louis could sit on the floor and eat off it comfortably. She covered it with a thin blue sheet as a makeshift table cloth. Pillows lay all around the table, making the entire thing look cozy.

Mitch had dusted off the whole piano, as well as other parts of the room. He went into a hilarious sneezing fit, cursing after each one. Then, he and Clementine placed candles everywhere. She settled on using the clear glass holders so that the room would glow a golden color when lit.

AJ brought up the vase filled with different flowers, with Omar following behind carrying the picnic basket.

A white ribbon adorns the vase, tied into a neat bow. Little, crudely drawn hearts done in red marker decorate every inch of the smooth surface. Clementine sets it down atop the piano, careful not to place it too close to any of the candles.

The picnic basket has a matching ribbon tied around it. The bottle of wine sticks out, resting next to an open bag of chips and a bottle of water. Ruby takes it, marveling at how nice it looks, and places it in the center of the table.

Once they’re finished, they all stand back to admire the final look.

“Wow,” Clementine gasps out. “This is amazing.”

“This does look like something you would’ve seen in an old movie,” Omar says.

“Imagine how romantic it’ll be when it gets dark and all the candles are lit,” Ruby gushes. "Oh, I can jus' see it now!"

“Gross,” Mitch mumbles.

Ruby smacks his arm. “Oh, hush! Ya gotta admit it looks nice!”

He shrugs, but Clementine can see that small grin betraying his lips. He’s pleased with it too, even if he won’t admit it.

Clementine turns to them, saying, “I don’t think there’s any way I could thank you. All of you. I mean,” she motions around them, “I couldn’t have done this by myself.”

“Oh, hon,” Ruby pulls her into a tight hug, “don’t gotta thank us! ‘Course we’re willin’ to help! It’s you and Lou!”

“Yeah, don’t gotta make a big deal out of it,” Mitch mumbles. “You’re just proposing.”

"Just proposin’’?" Ruby objects. "It's their engagement! It's gotta be special! Oh, and jus' think of their wedding! I was thinkin' we do somethin' similar, with the candles and all, but we'll make one'a those round altar things and decorate it real nice fer them ta stand under and we'll need lots'a chairs over here-"

"Ruby, slow down!" Omar laughs. "We're not there yet."

Ruby's cheeks flush a pretty red and she looks away bashfully, saying, "Sorry! Gettin’ excited again."

Clementine giggles. "We'll talk about it afterward, okay?" She turns to AJ. “What do you think, AJ? Think he’ll like it?”

“He’s gonna love it!” AJ exclaims. “What else can I help with?”

“We need you to go back on watch,” Clementine tells him. “You and Willy need to watch for Louis and give us the signal so that Omar knows when to bring the food in. Then, keep him distracted with James until it gets a little darker, that way I can get the candles all lit and add any finishing touches.”

“Yeah, they’ve already been gone a few hours,” Mitch says, wandering over to the window. “Don’t imagine they’ll be gone too much longer.”

He’s right.

James and Aasim can only keep up the deer thing for so long before it becomes suspicious. They would still hunt for other animals, and she told them to try fishing out there after they check the shack, but she knows Louis hates fishing. That’ll only keep him occupied for so long, as well. Then, checking the traps wasn’t that hard or time-consuming.

It’s only a matter of time before they come walking through those gates.

“Okay,” AJ says, full of determination. “Keep watch and distract Louis until sundown. Got it.”

They give each other a firm nod before AJ hurries out.

“I gotta go check on the rabbit. It’s still cooking, but I can already tell it’s going to be delicious,” Omar says proudly. “I’ll bring it up when AJ gives the signal.”

“Can’t wait,” Clementine beams.

“I’ll go with ya,” Ruby tells Omar. She gives Clementine one more hug, whispering, "Good luck!"

With Ruby and Omar gone, only Mitch and Clementine remain. He’s quiet, still peering around the room with an unreadable expression. The silence is calming, she thinks. She moves over to the small table, admiring how nice it all looks.

It’s happening.

After almost two weeks of mulling over what she wanted and preparing for this moment, it’s finally here.

Soon, they’ll be sitting down, eating and talking like it’s any other night. Then, she’ll bring him over to the piano.

For the past several months, Louis has been giving her piano lessons. She thought it might be a nice idea to play a little song for him, all by herself. However, now that he’s not here and the piano’s left to just her, she’s not sure if she can do it.

She’s going to try, anyway. Regardless if she’s good or bad, she’ll play. And, afterward...

Her pulse quickens, becoming heavy in her ears.

She’s going to ask him to marry her.

She’s finally going to do it.

And, shit-

What if she can’t say the right things? She’s gone over it all in her head every day, every night since she made up her mind, gone over all the thing’s she wanted to tell him. What if she can’t make him understand how she feels? What if something goes wrong?

“Need anything else?” Mitch asks, breaking her of her thoughts. She almost forgot he was still here.

She shakes the thoughts away, motioning toward the piano and saying, “I was thinking of playing him a song.” She gives him a smirk. “You’re honest. Wanna tell me if I suck or not?”

Mitch scoffs. “You’re really going all out, huh?” he says. “He’s gonna say yes. You don’t have to woo him.”

“Is that a no?”

Mitch sighs, moving over to grab one of the chairs he pushed back towards the wall and takes a seat.

She places herself on the bench, shifting to get comfortable. It’s strange sitting there by herself. There’s a lack of warmth without Louis at her side. But, seeing their initials, the heart carved into the wood, brings her some confidence. She takes a deep breath and places her hands on the keys.

It’s a simple song he’s taught her over the past few weeks. Barely a minute long with simple strokes. She stumbles a few times, silently cursing herself as she does, but doesn’t let it stop her. She pours all her focus into the song, nearly forgetting that Mitch is still there, watching her.

When she finishes, she glances over at him. He’s wearing a thoughtful expression, his head tilted as if still listening.

Finally, he says, “You don’t suck too bad.”

That gets a laugh out of her.

“Think he’ll like it?”

“Definitely.”

She grins appreciatively as her gaze finds the carved heart again. Her finger runs over the rough edges of the wood, tracing the L. Then, with a heavy sigh, she stands from the bench. She paces over to the window, peering out at the cloudy sky.

She wishes she could untangle the nervous, twisted knots in her belly.

“Hey,” Mitch knocks her shoulder. “What’s up?”

“Just…” she frowns. “Thinking too much.”

“About?”

“Everything.”

“Like?”

Her hat taps the glass of the window as she leans against the wall, hesitating to reveal what she’s actually thinking. After all, it’s Mitch. He’s not always the most sensitive and she’s not in the mood to argue with him.

He nudges her again. “You better not be having second thoughts,” he says. “Because I’m not about to break that news to Ruby and cause that shitstorm.”

“No, it’s not that,” she sighs.”It’s just… things are really good right now.”

“And?”

“And… good things don’t always last.”

“Yeah. And?”

She frowns at him. “And, what if after this good thing, something bad happens?”

“It’s that how it usually works?”

She’s not surprised that he doesn’t get it.

Never did she think this would be happening. Years and years ago, something like this seemed impossible. It was just her and AJ, it’d always just be her and AJ, but now… Now she has more than she could’ve ever imagined.

Every single group she’s had, it’s gone to shit. Everyone she’s ever loved has left, either by choice or not. Some stuck around longer than others, most died too quickly to be fair. She always hoped the school would be different. They’ve lived and survived together for two years, longer than most of her previous groups. Fuck, she loved more people in this group than she ever did before. She had AJ, Louis, everyone. There wasn’t a single person under the roof of this school that she wouldn’t risk her life to protect.

They’ve fallen into a good routine of hunting, building, repairing, eating, laughing… while there have been incidents, some close calls, it’s been too good.

Things never stay too good.

“Alright, sit down.”

She quirks a brow at him, blinking away her thoughts.

He goes over and pulls the piano bench out a little farther, motioning to it. “Sit down,” he repeats. “I’m gonna get real with you.”

“Real with me?”

“Yeah, so sit.”

Clementine eyes him at first, but curiously places herself on the bench facing away from the piano. Mitch stands tall in front of her with his arms crossed and his stare serious. She shrugs, waiting for him.

“I’m not gonna pretend like I get this whole wedding thing,”  he starts. “Because I still think it’s gross and unnecessary, but… I won’t deny that it’s kind of cool. I mean, not an explosive kind of cool, but cool in a, uh, nice change kind of way? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Ruby or Willy so pumped to be doing something. You shoulda seen Willy when I told him how we could make your rings.” He grins before shaking his head. “Anyway…”

Mitch shifts his weight onto one foot, looking past her and at the carving.

“You two have been through some shit,” he says slowly.  “I mean, shit that would’ve killed anyone else, or at least had them booking it outta here. All that shit with the delta, with Vi, the constant shitfest of worrying about other pieces of shit finding us here, or just the everyday threat of death. Something could happen, and we could lose someone, more people. It’s shit that we think about every day, whether we want to or not. It’s all stuff we’ve had to deal with. But, through all of it, you two are still together. He’s still with you. I mean-” His eyes fall shut as he inhales deeply, “-for fuck's sake, AJ killed Marlon.”

Those words alone shoot a painful shock through her entire body.

“His best friend,” Mitch shakes his head, “and you know what? He forgave you. On top of it all, he still fell in love with you. I’m not stupid, and I’m not blind. He’s not faking anything when it comes to AJ. He fucking adores that kid. And the way he looks at you?” He rolls his eyes. “It’s gross.”

She can’t stop the laughter from bubbling over, short and breathy.

Mitch looks her in the eye now, holding the stare. “It’s not gonna always be this good, and I’m sure the future holds a lot more fucked up things for us, but after everything you and Louis have been through?” One of his smiles shines through now. “You two are gonna make it. No questions asked. So, whatever depressing shit you’re thinking about, stop.”

As the words soak in, she thinks she’s gone into shock. She must look like an idiot gawking up at him, but how can she not?

Then she’s off the bench and wrapping her arms around his torso, hugging him with all her might. He stiffens, grunting with surprise, but instead of shoving her away or cursing her, he cautiously returns the hug and awkwardly pats her back.

“I mean it,” he says softly. “It’ll… be good.”

It’s a rare moment of sincerity from him, one that he’s clearly uncomfortable with. She moves away, giving him back his space.

“Thank you, Mitch. Really.”

“Whatever.” He scratches the back of his head, clearing his throat. He nods towards the piano. “You gonna stay and practice?”

“Yeah,” she says, “Omar’ll tell me when he’s here and I’ll start lighting candles.”

“Don’t think so much, ‘kay?”

“No promises.”

He gives her one more smile before leaving her alone.

The stillness is a little relieving, calming. She reaches into her pants pocket and pulls out the little box, lifting the lid to admire the rings one last time before they find a permanent place on her and Louis’ fingers.

She doesn’t know how long she has, so she practices her song over and over again, still stumbling, still forgetting keys, adding new keys that aren’t supposed to be there.

It gets to the point where her mind wanders while her fingers move on their own.

She knows Mitch is right.

She and Louis are strong. They have been through a lot of shit, they've survived together. And she wanted to believe they would always be together, even if it's just wishful thinking.

She thinks about everything; the walkers in the train station, the rings, Louis and his nightmares, Louis and his smile, Violet and her fury, Louis and his tears, AJ’s excitement, their wedding with everyone there…

She thinks about Lee.

God, she wishes he was here. He should be here, not just to see her wedding, but to be with her and AJ, with the rest of the group. He deserved to survive, just like she has.

Then, her mind wanders to Kenny and Katjaa, and the day they lost Duck.

To the day AJ was born.

All the days she and AJ traveled together, alone, fighting for their lives every single night.

The first time she walked into the music room, hearing the soft, calming piano and seeing AJ again.

Hearing Louis’ voice for the first time, seeing his smile.

Their first kiss, right there at the piano.

Soon, her eyes flutter shut and her fingers pause.

The piano echoes.

It’s so close.

---

No deer.

No deer at all.

And the craziest thing? Aasim isn’t even upset. Nope, he shrugged it off like, “Oh well!” then proceeded to look for more rabbits.

It actually left Louis speechless.

Like, what the shit?

After spending an hour searching for James, only to find him hiding out in a tree- which was really weird, even for him- they spent another two hours hunting the damn thing with little to no direction.

Sure, they caught three rabbits during that time and let a bunch of baby ones go, but that still wasn't worth it.

Every time he got too loud while telling jokes, making cracks about the deer, or sharing stories with James, Aasim would shush him, claiming he could scare the deer away.

It wasn’t until James said the trail was cold that Aasim gave up.

And, through all this, it wasn’t like Louis could entertain himself by taking out any stray walkers; James is very adamant about keeping the walkers alive and it still boggles his mind.

So, he had to settle for trying to get Aasim to talk with James, which he refused. He just wandered up ahead, leaving Louis and James by themselves for most of the trip.

Then they went fishing. Fishing.

Because tracking an imaginary deer wasn’t bad enough.

They had better luck with the fish than they did with the rabbits, but Louis didn't have the patience for fishing. There's a reason he prefers hunting; he can move around, there's more to see, he can take out walkers. With fishing, you're stuck in the same place, looking at the same thing.

So, he volunteered to inspect the fishing shack. It’s still secure, and nothing was missing, so he hung out there a while to tidy up. It gave Aasim and James alone time, anyway.

Not that Aasim did anything. He never does anything when it comes to crushes.

Now, after what feels like years, the sun is beginning to set and the gates to the school are in sight.

Beside him, James carries a bag full of the fish they caught while Aasim has the rabbits. At least they’d eat good tonight.

Louis suppresses a yawn. The day’s left him drained, ready to sit down with the others and relax, eat a hot meal, and go lay in bed with Clementine.

But, once they enter the gates, AJ’s running up to him, tugging on his sleeve and practically dragging him over to a table where Tenn is.

“Woah, AJ-”

“Louis! You gotta come sit with us!” AJ exclaims. “We’re drawing! Tenn already drew you, but I never got the chance to.”

“Oh, uh-” Louis bite his lip. “Sure, buddy, but do you mind if I find Clem first?”

“She’s patrolling,” AJ says. “She won’t be back for a while!” Then, he waves James over. “Can I have my lesson now?”

James approaches, smiling. He turns to Louis. “You don’t mind?”

Well, if he were completely honest, he’d rather just sit on the couch and relax, but he couldn’t say no to AJ’s pleading eyes. Plus, Clementine was on patrol. Might as well stay busy until she came back.

“Nah, not at all. Besides,” he winks at AJ, “need yours to complete the wall, right?”

With that, he watches as they all gather on one side of the table, handing out papers and pencils. James helps AJ set up a drawing board, just like the one Tenn’s been using.

He sits in front, looking straight ahead and lets his mind wander.

Being gone most of the day had not only left him weary, but it also left him missing Clementine.

It’s dangerous to think that, he knows. Being attached like that, where even being away from her for practically a whole day left him anxious, isn’t how he wanted to feel.

Of course, he enjoyed his alone time, and the time he spent with the others, but it was seeing her every day that made getting out of bed worth it. Seeing her, talking with her, making music with her, kissing her, all of her… sometimes that’s what he has to think about those mornings after a night full of the dark horrors in his mind. He has to think of her, of AJ, of the piano making soft melodies, to get out of bed. Otherwise, he’d wish for his sheets to swallow him whole.

He didn’t want to need her so much, hated the thought of being clingy, suffocating her. He hated wasting her time, making her lose sleep over him, making her worry.

Shit, sometimes these thoughts got so bad, so out of hand that…

Clementine thought his nightmares were getting better. She said so herself.

“It’s been a long time since you’ve had one that bad.”

No, it hasn’t.

They were all different levels of bad, but the past month he’s been able to wake up and keep his crying quiet. He’d roll onto his back, hand pressed firmly over his mouth, and he’d silently sob with her right at his side. Sometimes, he’d sneak out of bed and sit in the hallway, or he’d go outside. Sometimes he found himself sitting at the piano, absently pressing the same key over and over again.

He couldn’t always do that, of course. Sometimes, the dreams are bad enough that he does need her to pull him out of it.

And he hates it.

Louis had read plenty of those magazines from the headmaster’s office, the ones about dating and relationships. He read an article when he and Clementine first got together, when they were preparing to infiltrate the delta. He’d read it out of curiosity, not knowing anything about how to be a boyfriend, and to take his mind off their imminent doom.

This article was bitter, written from a broken heart, and mean-spirited enough for him to skip at the time. But, now, thinking back…

It was about all relationships being a ticking time bomb, all because of one reason:

One person always loves a little bit more than the other.

One person always gives more than they should. One always cares too much. One is always at a greater risk of being hurt or left behind.

One is always weaker.

Louis knows she loves him. He feels it every time she looks at him, kisses him. Every time he makes her laugh, or every time she cracks a joke of her own. He feels it in their more intimate moments when her lips trail down his neck and her hands cling to his shoulders.

She wouldn’t stay with him those nights if she didn’t love him, and she’d freak out if she knew that he’d been hiding away from her to cry by himself.

But, there was always that little question whispering in the back of his mind.

Did she truly love him, or did she just accept the love he was so willing to give her?

Because, the truth is, he’s the weaker one.

Hell, he’s known that from the beginning.

When Clementine confessed to him that night, carved the heart around their initials and kissed him, he couldn’t believe it. He’d been ecstatic, the kind of over-the-top ‘pinch-me-I-must-be-dreaming’ happy that you’d only read about in those shitty poems they used to learn about in class. He’d even named his song after her.

She could’ve had anyone she wanted, someone better, someone stronger or smarter or braver, and she chose him.

Him.

Why?

He wouldn’t have chosen him.

She’d said it was because he made her feel alive. He showed her there’s more to life than just survival both her and AJ. He made her laugh, brought music to her life, made her feel safe. He’s important to her.

How-

“Louis, your ears are funny.”

That snaps him out of his depressing thoughts. “Excuse me?”

AJ cocks his head, leaning forward to point at Louis’ right ear. “It’s like… weird.”

“Your ears are weird!” Louis playfully shoots back, reaching across and lightly poking the boy’s ear.

“Nu-uh!”

“Ears always give me a hard time, too,” James grins. “Here, let me show you…”

“First my nose, now my ears,” Louis mumbles, shaking his head. The earns him a chuckle from James.

“I like doing ears,” Tenn says with a small smile. “They’re kinda fun.”

Louis catches a glance at Tenn’s paper. Even in such a short amount of time, his skill has improved so much.

He wants to ask Tenn about Violet but decides against it. Maybe he could check in with her tonight after he and Clementine had their talk.

Shit, he couldn’t talk to her with all those negative thoughts plaguing his brain.

So, he does what he always does.

He forces a smile and cracks another joke as they all continue to draw him.

---

Aasim sits down at the table closest to the school with a huff. His head pulses after a stressful day.

He hates lying. Lying does nothing but bring trouble. Once you lie, you have to lie more to cover up your other lies and it’s just a tangled mess.

When Ruby came to him and James to explain the plan Clementine wanted to execute, he almost refused to do it.

Of all people, it did make sense for him to be the one to keep Louis occupied away from the school. They hunted together more times than not these days, and he’d actually gotten more used to Louis’ idiotic jokes. The guy still pissed him off a lot of times, but not as much as before. He’s not nearly as laid back. He’s willing to take things more seriously now, which Aasim appreciates.

But, in the end, he couldn’t turn it down. Not after Ruby sounded so damn ecstatic about the plan, and it was Clementine’s plan, at that.

Shit, it’s Clementine and Louis’ engagement.

He thought that kind of stuff was long dead.

“Aasim!”

He’s startled when Ruby comes from behind and takes a seat right next to him. She gets close, comfortable. Her arm in touching his.

Shit.

Omar comes and sits on his other side, whispering, “How’d it go?”

It takes his brain a second to figure out what he’s referring to.

“Oh, uh, as well as expected?” Aasim scratches at his neck. “He probably thinks I’m a nutcase after the whole deer thing, though. Then there’s the misunderstanding with James...”

“What misunderstandin’?” asks Ruby.

“Nevermind,” he says quickly. “Not important.”

“He don’t suspect nothin’ though, right?”

Aasim glances over at Louis. He’s sitting up, laughing at something AJ said. He shakes his head, and murmurs, “He has no idea.”

Ruby gives a tiny squeal, almost bouncing with glee but still trying to be discreet. “Oh, this is wonderful!” she whispers.

“The rabbit turned out perfect,” says Omar, pleased with himself. “We set it all up. Should still be hot by the time Louis shows up.”

“Ya should see the music room, it’s gorgeous.” Ruby places a hand on Aasim’s arm, excitedly shaking it. “Clem’s up there now, jus’ waitin’ fer it ta get dark enough.”

Aasim, trying to ignore the warmth of her hand seeping through his sleeve, peers up at the sky. “We’re close, then.”

In less than an hour, the sun would fully set, leaving the sky Aasim’s favorite hue of purple. They just had to keep him occupied until then.

The table shakes. Mitch and Willy plop down on the opposite side, eyeing the place before leaning in.

“She’s lighting candles now,” Mitch whispers.

“It looks super cool!”

Ruby covers her mouth to keep her excitement quiet. “Oh, I bet it’s beautiful in there. We gotta have the weddin’ at this time, too, in the evenin’.”

“Not that late,” Mitch argues. “We’re already wasting candles on this. We’ll do it during the day.”

“Oh, they’re not havin’ a mornin’ weddin’. Mornin’s aren’t nearly as special.”

“I didn’t say morning, I said day.”

“What’s wrong with the morning?” asks Omar. “We could wake up extra early and have it during the sunrise. That could be nice.”

“I don’t wanna wake up that early,” objects Willy. “I’d rather just stay up late.”

“We gotta have it in the afternoon, in the least. We’ll just hafta find another way to light up the place.”

“Maybe we can build a fire pit?” Willy offers.

“Nah,” Mitch shakes his head, “Louis won’t let a whole fire pit near his piano. That thing catches on fire and he’ll probably croak on the spot, then we’ll have to deal with Clem.”

“‘Sides, we don’t wanna burn the buildin’ down.”

“Which is why we should do it during the day,” says Mitch. “That way we can use the sunlight.”

“But, evenin’ time’s more romantic!”

Aasim watches them quietly argue, amused.

“If I’m not mistaking,” he interrupts, “shouldn’t Clem and Louis have a say in their own wedding?”

“‘Course they’re gonna get a say,” says Ruby, “we’re jus’ throwin’ around ideas ‘til they’re ready to start plannin’. Oh,” she points at Aasim, “don’t lemme ferget ta pull out those boxes of spare clothes fer everyone ta look at.”

“Don’t forget about the headmaster’s drinking glasses.”

“Right! Drinkin’ glasses! And Mitch, ya need a haircut.”

“The fuck I do.”

“Ya gotta look nice-”

“Why? I’m not getting married.”

“Don’t matter, yer not gonna show up lookin’ like a caveman. You too, Willy.”

They continue to bicker while Aasim chooses to focus on the sky. He watches the fluffy clouds slowly float away, drifting over the setting sun.

It’s a breathtaking image, he thinks. The outside itself is breathtaking.

---

Louis’ neck starts to stiffen from the lack of movement.

He decides that being a model is far too much work, even if it’s just sitting there looking straight ahead. Not being able to move around much for the past hour is driving him insane.

Though he’d have to admit, it’s almost worth it. Tenn focusing all his skill and concentration on getting details right is quite a sight to see. He’s trying his best, trying to impress James and improve himself.

And James couldn’t be a better teacher. Not once has he made Tenn feel bad about getting a line wrong or for screwing up a detail. Instead, he points out the mistake and then shows him how to easily fix it, then he watches and praises Tenn as he repeats what he’s learned.

It’s been a long time since he’s seen Tenn so eager to learn, to flourish.

And then there’s AJ.

Bless the kid, he’s trying his best, too.

James is just as patient with him, explaining in detail while keeping it simple enough for the young boy to understand just what he’s doing wrong.

Once he’s done, AJ holds up his drawing, frowning. “This… is hard.”

Louis takes the paper. He chuckles, saying, “What are you talking about?” He holds the wonky portrait up beside his head. “Can barely tell a difference!”

AJ giggles. “Yes, you can.”

He spots Aasim approaching from the corner of his eye. With the picture still held up, he turns to him.

“Whattya think?” he asks. “Looks just like me, right?”

Aasim quirks a brow, studying the drawing, trying to understand just what he’s seeing.

“Uhm… yes?”

“See? Aasim said so, therefore, it must be true.”

AJ giggles again, snatching the paper away. He looks over it again, this time with a proud grin. “Yeah,” he nods, “it’s not as good as Tenn’s, but I’m gonna keep practicing. It’ll look like you one day.”

“I know it will, little man.”

Aasim nudges his shoulder lightly. “Clem’s back.”

“Huh?” Louis’ eyes widen as he looks around. She’s nowhere in sight.

“She didn’t want to disturb you,” Aasim says. “Think she said she was going to the music room.”

AJ quietly giggles, causing Tenn to elbow him. Louis doesn’t seem to notice as he looks to James with pleading eyes.

“Go ahead,” he says softly. “They need to practice their bottles, anyway.”

“Bottles?” AJ asks.

Tenn’s shoulders slouch unhappily. “Bottles…”

Louis hops off the table. “You got this, Tenn. You’ll show those bottles who’s boss.” He turns on his heel, leaving the boys with an encouraging smile and a wave.

The group, as inconspicuous as possible, all watch as Louis heads up the main stairs into the building.

---

The hallway’s layered with shadows. All the curtains are pulled closed, hiding away the orange and pink sky. They dance a bit as the breeze blows through.

Something savory, with a hint of sweetness, wafts through the air. Something delicious that he can’t quite name.

There’s music. It’s so faint at first, he’s almost sure he’s imagining it. Only when he gets closer to the music room does he realizes it’s the piano playing a song he immediately recognizes.

The acceleration of his pulse seems to beat in time with the music, a soft fluttering in his chest that vibrates through his body, making him anxious.

The door’s cracked open wide enough to see her sitting there. He pauses, squinting through to watch her fingers glide over the keys, slow and precise. She fumbles, just a bit, but keeps playing. His heart swells and a smile spreads along his face.

The room’s lit up with a golden glow despite the main window’s curtain being pulled over. He can see the candlelight reflecting off her concentrated brow, illuminating her entire presence.

He reaches out to carefully press the door and steps inside.

His breath catches in his throat.

There aren’t just candles lit on the piano. No, they’re everywhere, decorating the room and washing in a lovely, warm golden glow. His eyes dart down to the table placed on the floor. Two bowls full of meat garnished with a thin sauce rest on opposite sides. There’s a basket with what looks like a large bottle of wine sitting in the middle, surrounded by glass protected candles.

Taking in all that rests before him causes his lips to part in a silent gasp.

The piano stops.

He turns to look at Clementine’s grinning face as she stands up from the bench.

“You’re back.”

A breathless laugh escapes him. “I’m back.”

She’s slow to approach him, first stopping at the gramophone and cranking the handle. A soft, classical song flows through the room. He reaches for her hand, unsure if he can properly speak.

“Clem, this…”

She stands on her tiptoes to kiss gawking face. “It’s been a while since our last date night,” she says, “thought we were due for something special.”

He wraps his arms around her shoulders, pulling her into his chest. He rests his cheek on top of her head, the fabric of her hat pressing into his skin.

“All this trouble for little ol’ me? Looks like I need to step up my game,” he tries to joke in an attempt to suppress the emotion threatening to tremble his voice. “When did you even find the time to-”

And like that, it clicks.

He pulls back, narrowing his eyes playfully at her.

She laughs.“Well,” she drawls, “it wasn’t just me. I did have some help.” She smirks. “I meant to ask, did you get the deer?”

“Oh yeah,” he clears his throat, dramatically waving his arm through the air. “Deer as far as the eye could see! Just frolicking through the woods! Majestic as can be! Aasim plans to tame and ride them into our next battle.”

She quirks a knowing brow.  “So, no deer.”

“No deer.”

“Oh well, maybe next time.”

“Next time?” He shakes his head, chuckling. “Y’know,” he says, “you didn’t have to put poor Aasim through all that. You could’ve just kicked me out and told me to wait an hour. I wouldn’t have been too butthurt.”

“No?”

“Okay, maybe I would’ve sulked a little bit.”

She rolls her eyes, grasping his hand again and leading him towards the table.

“While you were gone, Chef Omar was kind enough to whip up some very special rabbit for us, and Mitch was more than happy to give us some wine to try.”

“Wine?” His laughter comes out more nervous that he’d hoped. “Trying to get me tipsy, are you?”

“Guess we’ll find out,” she says. “Then, I was thinking after we ate we could tune the piano a bit. Or, rather…” she glances away, “I thought it might be nice if I played you a song for a change.”

His heart flutters, eyes lighting up. He squeezes her hand. “I’d like that.”

They place themselves down on the floor, getting comfortable with the pillows surrounding them. Clementine pulls the basket off the table and pulls out the wine and a bag of chips.

The rabbit tastes as delicious as it smells. It’s warm, mouth-watering. He has to pace himself. He doesn’t want to scarf it all down and look like an absolute pig.

“Chef Omar has outdone himself this time,” Louis compliments. “I dare say this is the finest rabbit in all the land.”

“He’s pretty proud of it himself,” she says, taking another bite. “It’s a nice break from stews.”

He takes another bite, savoring the sweetness of the sauce. They’re both quiet, enjoying the meal as the light music continues to play in the background. Words race through his mind, but it’s like he suddenly doesn’t know how to form sentences.

“Uhm, this-” he clears his throat, “-this is really nice. Like, ‘I don’t even know what to say’ nice, Clem.”

She bites her lip thoughtfully before shrugging a shoulder.

“Just trying to sweep you off your feet,” she says honestly.

Air escapes his lungs. The way the candlelight flickers over her skin and reflects in her eyes is breathtaking. “Consider me swept.” He reaches across the table, taking her hand and brushing his thumb over her knuckles. “Been swept a long time.”

He watches curiously as she reaches for the bottle of wine. She pops the cap off, leaning over to smell the rim on the bottle.

“Ladies first,” he smiles.

She takes a sip, her tongue darting out over her bottom lip as she mulls over the flavor. She scrunches her nose, shaking her head and handing him the bottle.

He can taste the alcohol, but it’s not too strong. There’s a tart sweetness to it that he enjoys, but he doesn’t know if he could down a whole bottle himself.  

Soon, their bowls are empty. He hasn’t felt this satisfyingly full in a long time.

“Well, I’m ready for a nap,” he half-jokes.

“Not yet.”

Clementine takes their bowls and stacks them together before she stands, offering him her hand. He happily takes it, letting her help him up.

“And what shall the lady be playing tonight?” he asks as she leads him to the piano.

“Well, it’s a classic, you see,” she smirks, reaching over to quiet the gramophone. “One that a cute boy taught me.”

“Ah, ‘cute,’” Louis chuckles timidly, “heh, sounds like a charming guy.”

“For the most part,” she elbows him playfully.

Her fingers ready themselves on the keys. She glances at him briefly, waiting. He gives an encouraging nod.

Her playing is slow but powerful. Every key she hits, she hits with a purpose, even if it’s the wrong key. Her determination is what makes it feel right, feel intentional. Though it’s short, he still finds himself entranced by the way her slim fingers move and the way she bites her lip in concentration.

When she’s finished, her fingers remain pressed on the keys. The song echoes through the air, through him.

She finally turns to him, and it’s that stupid grin of his that makes her giggle.

“And so, the pupil becomes the star,” he kisses her cheek, “that was beautiful.”

“So, I played it right?”

“Well,” he drawls, “there is one part that needs work.”

He scoots closer until their legs pressed together and he can easily reach around her.  

“Put your hands in position.”

She lays them on the correct keys. He rests his hand over hers, barely hovering. She relaxes under his touch, leaning closer to his body.

“You see,” he mumbles, “you’re pressing these keys,” he maneuvers her hands and presses her fingers against said keys, “when you should be pressing these ones.”

He guides her through the whole song like this and he can’t tell if that’s his heart racing, or hers.

Clementine takes a deep breath.

“Louis?”

Her voice is thick.

“Clementine?”

She hesitates, and it worries him. He pulls back, just a bit, enough to see her eyes are closed.

“Thank you,” she says slowly, “for last night. I-”

Louis waits, but she doesn’t continue. He brings their hands off the piano down to rest against their connected knees.

“Do you still want to talk about it?” he asks quietly.

She leans her head against his shoulder, breathing out a long sigh. “I just wanted to try and make things a little better,” she starts. “I thought, maybe if we just talk and get everything out in the open, then the healing can really begin. I just… wanted to understand, I guess.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks. “I could’ve come with you.”

“I know. I didn’t want that pressure, though. I wanted it to just be us. I mean, Mitch insisted on coming, but he waited outside. I know you, Louis. You would’ve wanted to be there in the room with us. Besides, what we talked about… it was pretty personal.”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “It’s okay. I get it.”

“It wasn’t all bad, though,” she says. “There was this little moment where it felt like we were just talking, no yelling or fighting or anything. Like we used to, but it didn’t last long. Now I know. She absolutely hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you-”

“Yes, she does,” Clementine’s grip on his hand tightens, “or, in the very least, will never trust me again, and I think I finally get why.”

“She’ll come around, Clem.”

“You’ve been saying that for two years.”

“And I’ll say it for another two. She’s still dealing with a lot of shit, just like we are, but I know one day she’ll be ready to try again. It happened when we first lost Minnie and Sophie. She did the same thing; she didn’t talk to anyone, she stayed in her room most days, barely ate. I know it’s different, worse even, but Clem, we can’t give up on her. She needs us, whether she admits it or not.”

“...I know.”

“I promise, things will get better. They have to, right?” His smile is sincere, heartwarming. “And you know I’ll always be here for you, too. Through thick and thin.”

She kisses him, a small chaste press that becomes long, passionate. They break apart when she moves closer to hold him, clinging to him tightly. They stay like that for a while, enjoying each other’s comfort. The day’s exhaustion washes over him.

“Close your eyes.”

Like a reflex, they do, even when he feels her pulling away. They flutter shut at the sensation of her lips on his jaw and her hands running down his arms. Her fingers caress the back of his hand, grasping it and turning his palm up.

Her lips brush against his ear as she whispers, “I’m going to spell something out on your hand, and when I’m done, you tell me what it says.”

He tries to question this until her lips press to his again, silencing him.

She traces the letters slow, precise. Each caress tingles his skin to the point where he has to suppress his giggle behind a smile. When she finishes, she rubs his palm to takes away the ticklish sensation.

Let’s see.

L-O-U-

“Louis,” he says, confidently.

She rewards him with a light kiss on the back on his hand and small, approving, “Hmm.”

The feeling doesn’t become any less ticklish, even with small words.

“Will?”

“Mm-hmm.”

Another kiss, another trace of her fingers.

“...You?”

She hesitates.

He can feel her move a little. She rubs his palm again, and this time she’s much slower, dragging out each and every letter. He concentrates, trying to visualize and put it together.

She doesn’t stop at one word. She takes a pause, then writes another.

He freezes.

His eyes shoot open. He blinks down at her, brows knitted together questionably. She spells it again without breaking eye contact. He doesn’t even notice the tingle now.

“What does it spell?” He almost doesn’t hear her she’s so quiet.

He searches her eyes, so clear and boring into him, trying to comprehend the letters.

What does it spell…?

It-

It spells-

Something cool touches his finger.

The candlelight reflects off the smooth, silver band as she slips it onto his finger.

“Louis?”

His gaze snaps up, meeting hers.

“Will you marry me?”

His lips part in a silent gasp and his eyes grow wide.

When he doesn’t speak, Clementine gently presses her palm again his cheek.

“I know it’s not something that many people do anymore,” she whispers. “But I don’t care. I love you, Louis, and there’s no one I’d rather have at my side in this world. Before we came here, all I had was AJ. I never once thought that I’d meet someone who knows just what to say to make me feel better or make me laugh. I never thought I could feel this way with someone like I do with you.”

Her voice becomes thick. She has to blink back the wetness threatening to spill over.

“I want to keep fighting, laughing and enjoying life with you and AJ and everyone else, not just as your girlfriend, but as your wife.”

Louis pulls always completely, turning to face the piano, looking straight ahead.

Then, he laughs.

He laughs because he doesn’t know what else to do. It’s a breathless laugh, one you do when in shock, one that rocks your core. His shoulders shake as he presses his hand firmly over his mouth, shaking his head in absolute disbelief. He can’t process anything. Somehow his thoughts are both jumbled and flatlining -how is that possible?- and he can’t do anything but laugh until his tears finally fall.

“Louis?”

He removes his hand, sucking in as much air as possible, coughing a little. He wipes at his eyes, still chuckling. He runs his thumb over the silver band when he notices something etched into it.

This time, he grasps the back of her head and kisses her. He moves his mouth with hers, attempting to pour all of his feelings into his movements. His efforts earn a pleased moan from her, deep in her throat.

He’s still giggling when their lips part.

“Yes,” he finally breathes out.

“Yes?”

“Yes,” he nods happily, sniffling. “Yes, Clementine, I will marry you.”

And, just like that, they’re kissing again. Quick presses of lips, more giggles from both of them now. Louis’ cheeks are actually hurting by the time they stop.

“I-” he shakes his head, “You’re serious, right?”

“Of course I’m serious,” she tells him.

“Holy shit, you’re serious!”

Clementine reaches into her pocket and pulls out another ring, placing it in his palm before offering him her hand. It’s just like his, smooth and silver with their initials scratched into the surface.

His heart is hard and quick, full of glee and laughter and everything else, as he slips the ring onto her finger.

“Clem, I- How did- where did you find these?”

“You’ll never believe it,” she says. “Mitch and Willy made them.”

“Um, what?”

“Out of quarters.”

“You’re right, I don’t believe that-”

There’s a sharp bang, though not very loud, it still catches their attention.

Another bang, this time followed by a strange hiss.

They both stare at the door quizzically.

“You heard that too, right?” asks Louis. “Or am I going crazy? Because that’s starting to feel like a real possibility.”

Another noise.

That-

That sounded like-

Another bang.

They shoot each other a look before getting up off the bench, hand in hand.

As they get closer to the door, it becomes clear what’s making the ruckus.

“Shh!” they hear.

“You shhh!”

Louis raises a brow at her smirking face. “Um?”

Clementine rolls her eyes, putting a finger to her lips and sneaking closer to the door. She waits a moment before grabbing the handle, listening. Then she throws all her weight into the door as she shoves it open.

It doesn’t get very far before there’s the sound of a rough collision followed by several thumps and a sharp, “What the fuck!”

Louis is dumbfounded to see Mitch, Willy, and AJ all on the floor, with Mitch rubbing his forehead and the other two holding their noses. Rosie comes over to lick AJ’s face, nuzzling him to make sure he’s okay. Around them stand Ruby, James, Tenn, Omar and Aasim, each frozen in place, gawking at the two of them.

“Um?” Louis’ eyes dart from face to face.

“That fucking hurt,” Mitch grumbles from the floor.

“Told’ja not ta get so close,” Ruby says, shooting him a glare. “Ya blew our cover.”

“Oh yeah, I blew our cover.”

“Uh, this isn’t-” Aasim scratches the back of his neck. “We were just-”

“Checking up on us?” Clementine finishes for him.

“More or less,” says James sheepishly. “Ruby couldn’t wait for you to come out.”

“Sorry,” Ruby’s face flushes, “I jus’ couldn’t sit still out there!”

“Or keep your mouth shut.”

“Can it, Mitch!”

“Wait a minute…” Louis turns back to her, hands on his hips. “Were they all in on this?”

“I did say that I had some help, didn’t I?”

“‘Course we helped!” Ruby clasps her hands together. “Had ta make it real special fer the both’a ya!”

“How was the rabbit?” Omar asks. “Best you ever had, huh?”

“I think my nose is broken,” Willy complains from the floor.

Mitch shakes his head. “S’not broken. You’d know if it was.”

“It feels broken.”

“It’s not.”

Louis can’t help but chuckle now. He pulls Clementine close, mumbling amongst the group’s chatter, “Suddenly, a lot of things make sense.”

“I bet,” she replies lightly.

AJ, still rubbing his newly sore nose, scrambles to his feet now. All the pain forgotten, he exclaims, “Well? Did you say yes!? Did you!?”

His grin says it all. With one arm around Clementine, Louis proudly holds up his hand to show off the ring to the group. “What do you think?”

Ruby’s squeal echoes through the halls as Aasim and Omar begin clapping, followed by the rest of the group. Louis bows, bringing Clementine down with him as they both laugh. AJ throws himself at the two, trying to wrap his arms around both of them. Then, here comes Ruby, hugging the both of them as well.

Soon, they’re surrounded, all a hum of laughter, gleeful words and happy smiles.

“We can finally start plannin’ the weddin’!” Ruby exclaims.  

“Why don’t we let their engagement simmer for a bit, “says Omar. “Best not to overwhelm them.”

Clementine grasps her hand. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow, okay?”

Louis doesn’t know how long they stand there amongst their friends, each expressing their congrats in one way or another. Eventually, Clementine has to announce that they’re going to bed and they all part ways. The buzz of excitement is still there, filling his brain, and his heart.

AJ walks alongside them back to their room, asking plenty of questions about the wedding and how big of a party isn’t going to be. For once, Louis isn’t the one answering all of his questions. He’s in a daze, sure that if Clementine wasn’t holding his hand, we would’ve walked straight into a wall by now.

When they reach their room, Clementine shoos AJ inside and closes the door.

Louis leans back against the wall. God, his cheeks hurt with an aching strain, but he can’t force the grin off his face.

“Holy shit,” he says.

“Holy shit,” she echoes.

“You’re really serious, right?”

“I already said I was.”

“Just making sure,” Louis crosses his arms, resting his head against the wall to look up at the ceiling, “this just… I don’t know. I never thought this would be something you would want.”

“Well, I do,” she advances closer now. “I want this with you.”

“Are you sure?” he asks. “I mean, you want to willingly marry me?”

“I want to willingly marry you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Is this going to be a thing?” she teases. “Twenty years from now are you going to ask me, ‘Are you sure you’re sure?’”

“Twenty years,” he laughs. “Think we’ll live that long?”

“If we’re together, we have a pretty damn good chance.” She grabs his hand now, her thumb brushing over his ring. “Right?”

Louis smiles, though it's a little uneasy. “Right.”

#twdg #twdg fanfiction #twdg clouis #clouis #twdg louisentine #louisentine #twdg louis #twdg clementine #twdg aj #twdg violet #twdg mitch #twdg ruby #twdg aasim #twdg james #twdg willy #twdg tenn #twdg omar #twdg rosie #clementine x louis #louis x clementine #louis twdg #clementine twdg

[prinanalogicality]

Mistakes

My amazing friend @notallpotatoesarefrenchfries and I were talking about potential fic ideas, and so she and I decided I could write using these different prompts from the dialogue prompt list I reblogged a while back. The prompts are:

#42 - “I didn’t mean to.” #50 - “I know. I don’t deserve you.” #54 - “Please breathe. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t-” I also added in #42 - “Can you hear me?”

TW: Panic attacks, self-doubt/dislike

Disclaimer: I know people have different experiences when having panic attacks. If you read this and do not identify with it, please do not say I am wrong or anything like that. I am writing from my own experience of panic attacks, so I am writing what I know. I am not glorifying or romanticizing panic attacks in any way, I want to make that clear, because I do not want to trigger anyone.

My friend suggested the prompts, I decided to make them one thing. Prepare for the angst :)

Summary: After Roman's treatment of Patton in the latest video, Anxiety demands that the male apologize for his actions. Words are said, misinterpreted, and all Anxiety wants to do is get that door open.

AO3 link here.

Pairing: Prinxiety! This will be angsty, friends. Eventual fluff!

“Why do you always have to be such a dick?” Anxiety asks crudely, staring up at Roman with glaring, unamused eyes. Roman, in turn, gasps dramatically, a hand settling over his heart.

“Why must you use such foul language? I have done nothing wrong.”

“Nothing wrong? You and Logan totally tag teamed on Patton like complete heathens, how do you consider that nothing wrong?” Anxiety uncrosses his arms in favor of gesturing towards Roman’s chest, a deep frown sketched onto his face.

“Logan and I were simply formulating ideas in order to improve Thomas’s quality of life. Yes, we may have been a tad bit extreme, but we were able to recognize our faults and allow Patton to share his ideas.” Roman shrugs and sits on the edge of his bed, one leg elegantly crossing over the other. “What I do not understand is that I am considered the dramatic one, yet here you are.”

“Feel free to stop being such a prick at any time, Princey.” Anxiety rolls his eyes, going quiet for a moment to gather his thoughts. “Look, I don’t care if you think you did nothing wrong. I already talked to Logan, he was able to apologize. Why can’t you just suck it up and say you’re sorry too?”

“Because I am royalty, Cynical-rella. Royalty does not apologize when royalty is not at fault.”

Anxiety groans in exasperation, his hands sliding down his face. “You make me want to cut off my own hands.” Shaking his head, he glances to the male sat on the bed, admiring his reflection in the handheld-mirror he has produced out of seemingly nowhere. “So you would rather stare at yourself instead of make Mo smile?”

“Of course. I can see Patton’s smile in my own reflection, in a sense - except I am much more appealing, of course.”

“You’re ridiculous. I seriously can’t believe I actually said yes to a relationship with you.” Anxiety sneers, stepping away from the male sat on the bed. He grasps the handle of Roman’s bedroom door, prepared to exit.

“Ah, I agree with that. Sometimes I find it quite astonishing that I have settled the way I have.” Roman’s voice is dreamy as he speaks, and Anxiety pauses, glancing back at him.

“Settled?”

“Why, yes. I very well could have pursued a romance with a lovely prince or princess, but I am here with you.” His voice is so matter of fact, so straightforward - it makes Anxiety’s chest ache.

He hates the way he is feeling. Today is Patton’s day - everyone has their bad days. Anxiety made it a point to try to make the others apologize to improve Patton’s day. Anxiety isn’t supposed to get upset, not now, but he has always been selfish. He is so selfish that his chest tightens, his throat closes, his fingers tremble. He can’t seem to get a solid grip on the handle, despite his several attempts.

“I know. I don’t deserve you.” Anxiety’s voice is soft, so tentative, a stark contrast from his normal brash tone of voice.

“Why not atone to Patton for me? You could send my apologies, no matter how false. Or, perhaps, you could admit your own fault. You said nothing while you thought things were wrong in the first place, are you not to blame for anything?” Roman mentions absentmindedly, not having noticed Anxiety’s response. That, or he does not care enough to comment on it. He simply settled for Anxiety, someone easy for him. Why would he care?

Every breath burns. Anxiety can’t seem to respond - his mouth is open, allowing him his quick, panicked breaths, but any attempt to communicate results in a tremble of his lips, an increased burning sensation behind his eyes, within his nostrils. His rapid breathing hitches once, twice, thrice, and his face feels hot, so very hot, only to become wet with fat tears spilling down his reddened cheeks.  His feelings are only intensifying the more he tries to get the door open and fails, the more he thinks about how he has failed Patton, the more he thinks about how Roman has merely settled for someone like him.

“Anxiety? Dearest, I am all for conversing with you, but the fact that you are standing in my bedroom without doing or saying anything is admittedly quite unnerving.” 

The words feel as if they go into one ear and right out the other as Anxiety shakes his head, feeling an intense itch on his neck, on the outer bones of his wrists. He swallows thickly, closing his eyes. He pulls his hands from the door in favor of reaching up to his neck, gently rubbing with the side of his wrists to get rid of the itches.

“Just open the door for me.” He manages to mutter the words bitterly, shakily, and the simple action of speaking breaks the dam within Anxiety’s fighting conscience. A hoarse cough escapes him, followed by a quivering whimper, his fast-paced breathing only serving to make him feel even more panicked. He can’t breathe, he can’t breathe, he can’t breathe-

“Oh- oh, Anxiety, can you hear me? My darling, did I say something? I will apologize to Patton immediately if it will soothe you, I am most terribly sorry to you for whatever I have done.” Roman’s voice makes Anxiety’s chest ache even more - because he wants to be closer to him. His entire being craves being pressed against Roman’s chest, being held, being comforted. Listening to Roman singing lowly in his ear, low enough that his voice is raspy and so appealing - but Anxiety can’t allow that.

“Just open the door.” Anxiety sputters attempting to come off more forceful, to even yell, but yet again all he can manage is a wavering request, one raw with his anguish.

“You know I cannot let you go off on your own when you are like this. Come here, sit on my lap. I’ll sing to you, what song today? You look so lovely, my romance, I would love to play with that hair of yours.” Roman attempts to soothe him in all the ways that generally work, ways that make Anxiety physically hurt the longer he resists.

“Why would I? No, I won’t. I want to be alone, I’d rather be alone than be stuck with someone who lies. Someone who settles.” Anxiety grits the teeth out with as much weight as he can manage, each word being filled with more and more venom the longer he talks.

He catches Roman’s facial expression as he seems to understand the situation, immediately standing up. “Anxiety, oh. Please-” He steps towards the trembling male and Anxiety shakes his head, backing up clumsily and managing to trip on his own feet, falling back onto his rear end with a thud that makes Roman wince. Hands turn to allow nails to scratch at the expanse of a neck, and the sound of hyperventilating becomes more prominent in the room.

“Please breathe. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t- I didn’t mean to. Please, Anxiety. I did not mean that I have settled for you, I meant that I have settled with you. I expected to be doomed to a life of going through all sorts of princes and princesses and not finding the one, but I have found you, I have always had you beside me. We argue, we annoy one another, but I adore you, my one true love. You have always been the one for me, and you always will be until the end of time. Can you hear me? Please, I hope you can, I need you to know. I know I have been acting like a child today - I vow to apologize to Patton, I just beg that you breathe.”

Anxiety’s response is far from immediate. It takes several minutes for his breathing to calm enough for him to speak again, several more for him to allow Roman to get close enough to touch him, but the royal is relentless. He murmurs much-needed positives to the dark trait, reassuring him of their love, of his affections, of how his words were misconstrued.

Roman, sat on the ground and leaning back against his bedroom wall, runs his fingers through Anxiety’s messy, tangled hair, pressing a kiss to the crown of his beloved’s head. “I have behaved in an inexcusable manner today. I shall apologize to Patton and the others, and I shall make the rest of my existence dedicated to apologizing to you. Please forgive me.” He mumbles, his own voice soothing - a soft tone that is reserved specially for Anxiety when they are alone. Roman hates being the cause of Anxiety’s attacks, he only hopes to bring light to the male’s dark world. But, he does have his own flaws as a trait that is not in charge of emotions. He tends to speak in a manner that can easily overlook the emotions of others - namely Patton and Anxiety as traits that function in the emotion department.

“You’re an asshole.” Anxiety murmurs weakly, head tucked beneath Roman’s chin and his eyes closed. He feels tired, so terribly tired, and though he has most definitely not completely forgiven Roman, he is far too sleepy and far too dependent on the male’s comfort to leave the room now. He just wants to go to sleep.

“I am aware. I am terribly sorry for my posterior-esque tendencies.” Roman says quietly, gently and slowly scooping Anxiety into his arms to bring the male to the bed, giving him time to object if he pleases. Upon receiving no objection, he stands, setting Anxiety onto the bed like a treasured, cherished being.

“I just wanna sleep. Come on.”

“I know how you sleep, you must be uncomfortable. Hush now. One moment.” Roman takes the time to remove Anxiety’s jeans and the male’s jacket, leaving Anxiety clad in underwear and one of his soft black T-shirts. “Would you like one of my Disney shirts?” He sees Anxiety’s pout and reluctant nod and smiles, knowing which one to suggest. “How about my Morgana shirt?”

“Morgana was so underappreciated. I want that one.” Anxiety grumbles and sits up, in which Roman tosses Anxiety’s black shirt away, handing the male his Morgana shirt so Anxiety can put it on. Roman, in turn, strips to his underwear, putting on his matching Ursula shirt before climbing onto the bed.

“Let’’s go to bed, sweetheart.”

Roman does not receive a verbal response, but instead he feels the warmth of his boyfriend’s body pressing against him, cuddling up to him. He kisses the top of his crown jewel’s head, closing his eyes. He feels more than terrible about having upset Anxiety - tomorrow, he knows they will talk about it when Anxiety is levelheaded. He knows it will more than likely become another argument, but he also knows now that he must tune more in to what he says and Anxiety’s reactions.

He feels soft, steady breaths ghosting over his shoulder and allows himself to calm enough to fall asleep, relaxed knowing that his beloved has unwound and still wants to lie down with him. He does not know what he would do without Anxiety - Anxiety teaches him about how to handle people, how to react. They encounter many differences of opinion, but Roman refuses to let those differences get between them. Not like they have today.

#prinxiety #prinxiety angst #prinxiety fluff #mine #fic #angsty angst #tw #tw panic attack