short answer: i’m not invested enough in either (being vehemently against shera or 100% invested in shera/catradora) to really care about comparisons. i think the healthiest relationship - platonic or romantic - that adora has in the whole series is with bow (and arguably until s5 when glimbow becomes a healthier relationship for bow because he and esp glimmer have grown).
longer answer: in tfa, kylo is nothing but violent towards rey. in tlj, he’s nothing but manipulative and emotionally (physically) abusive. “you’re nothing but not to me” is textbook emotional abuse of getting your victim to stay. a sort of “no one will ever love you but me” or “you should be dependent on nothing but me” both of which are not healthy ways to look at or frame love.
catra has similar issues. she’s violent towards adora as an instigator, even when they were children, ie. the face scratch as a physical lash out. she’s also possessive which stems from insecurities and wanting adora to just be her friend. catra, however, unlike kylo, is canonically abused and is the scapegoat to adora’s golden child. although her backstory does not excuse how she treats adora, it does give an actual explanation. that doesn’t make her behaviour okay, though, and i was glad when adora reaches that breaking point in s3: “i didn’t make you do anything […] you made your choice. now live with it!” and refusing to blame herself for catra’s decisions or to let catra blame her.
so she-ra 1) acknowledges that the relationship is sometimes abusive, 2) has the characters independently work on themselves, and 3) brings them together in a romantic relationship. catra also does genuinely selfless things for adora long before their relationship improves and in the process of its improvement, ie. still trying to protect her even once adora has ‘abandoned’ her (s1), giving back the sword / helping her escape (s1), freeing glimmer (s5), walked through fire for her (s5), choosing to support adora in her destiny even if that means adora is choosing something over her (s5), etc.
sequel trilogy does none of that. all of kylo’s actions towards rey are either meant to be romantic in text or if not are heavily romanticized by shippers (ie. the kidnap bridal carry, the torture scene in tfa, etc.). kylo is also a white man coded as / a literal fascist. catra is very much neither of those things, so her representational axis is also different
but the main difference is that catra and adora have a reason to be invested in each other. they were best friends for 15+ years. they grew up together. that’s not to say their childhood wasn’t twisted by abuse or that it was always healthy, either, but you always understand where that care and concern is coming from. adora, also, when she decides to want to give catra a chance, does so because catra made the decision to change separately from adora, with no aid/belief from adora, and with plans to never see or be a source of harm towards adora ever again. catra also actually apologizes, too.
rey and kylo are two random people who meet in a war and then she’s captured and tortured by some guy who also then tries to kill her, and tlj shits all over her character because it makes her care about someone who 1) killed her first ever father figure, and 2) tried to kill her, and 3) tried to kill her best friend. there’s no history to give a reason as to why she would still think kylo wasn’t just a massive shitstain because no history exists, period. it’s just violence.
do i think catradora is the healthiest relationship i’ve ever seen, even with s5? no, not by a long shot. is it healthier than reylo? it’s damn hard to be worse.
basically: childhood friends to enemies to friends to lovers is a completely different relationship than enemies to lovers (with no friendship stage), even without queer context. there are ways to make the latter work, barely, but reyl0 is not it, dear god
even shorter story: idc fam it’s not that deep, i’m just gonna ship my ships and what sits right with me is gonna be different than what sits right with other people. i do not have the energy for anything else