Church of Satan founder Anton Lavey with Jayne Mansfield's novelty water bottle. Mansfield and Lavey were pilloried for mutually baiting the tabloid press, but they did seem to be real friends beyond all the ballyhoo. Lavey was bequeathed Mansfield's taxidermied chihuahuas (!) that perished along with her in her fatal crash, and she claimed that he helped mystically heal her young son after he was mauled by a lion (!!).
191 notes
·
View notes
Midnight Pals: Dracula Sovereign of the Damned
Bram Stoker: everyone, i have a story
Barker: oh boy this should be good
Stoker: and this time it's different
Stoker: i've been secretly taking lessons in how to be horny
Stoker: so this story is really going to show you sex-likers a thing or two
Stoker: submitted for the approval of the midnight society
Stoker: i call this the tale of dracula
Stoker: sovereign of the damned
stoker: you'll like this dracula
Stoker: it's an anime
Lafcadio Hearn: yes!
Hearn: YES!
Stoker: so dracula meets this chick
Edward Lee: yeah boi
Stoker: she starts uh shooting him with a crossbow
Lee: no no bro not like that!
Mary Shelley: ha ha ha yeah!
Shelley: do it!!
Stoker: so it starts with this cult of satanists
Stoker: they're summoning satan
Stoker: to give them woman to him as a bride
Stoker: but satan doesn't show up
Stoker: so instead dracula swoops in
Stoker: and he tricks this woman into marrying him
King: satan doesn't show up?
Stoker: right
King: to his own summoning?
Stoker: right
King: why doesn't he show up?
Stoker: i don't know, maybe he was busy that night
Barker: "maybe he was busy" lol
Stoker: LOOK. that's not the important part
King: so you're saying that satan is just, like, a no show
Stoker: yes
King: is that how it works? he can do that?
King: anton, has that ever happened to you
King: where you go through all the motions and the ritual and then
King: satan just doesn't show?
Anton Lavey: uhhhh
Stoker: so dracula shows up
Stoker: in his cape and tuxedo
Stoker: and he's all "it's me, uh, satan!"
Barker: and they're not suspicious that he's clearly dracula
Stoker: satan could wear a cape and tuxedo
Barker: yeah yeah he COULD
Barker: but we all know he don't
Stoker: so dracula and this woman have a baby
Stoker: but eventually the guilt of the charade gets to dracula
Stoker: and he's all "i have to tell you"
Stoker: "i'm actually not your beloved satan"
Stoker: "i'm just dracula"
Stoker: "just a stupid, stupid dracula"
Stoker: anyway, there's also these vampire hunters
Stoker: they've been spending the last year searching for dracula
Stoker: just doing nothing else but full time searching
King: a whole year?
Stoker: yeah they're really bad at their job
Stoker: it's a descendant of jonathan harker
Stoker: a descendant of abraham van helsing
Stoker: a descendant of dracula
Stoker: and a vampire-sniffing dog
Dean Koontz: dog!
Stoker: yeah i knew dean would like that
Stoker: anyway that satanist finds out about the whole thing where dracula tricked them
Stoker: so he shoots dracula's baby
Stoker: with a gun
Koontz: oh no!
Stoker: don't worry
Stoker: god sends the baby back as a full grown super man to kill dracula
Koontz: oh good!
Barker: whoa whoa hold on there
Barker: not "oh good"
Barker: i have SEVERAL questions
230 notes
·
View notes
I am a Satanist, and I’m bloody proud of it.
I am aware of the general misconceptions surrounding the religion. I prefer to call it a philosophy I utilise as a guide to life.
Anton LeVay has continued to be an important figure in my life since I was 19, and his words and ideas have helped me evolve into as close to authentic of a person as possible.
We are not devil worshippers. We do not skin goats at 3am around a fire. We do not kill. We do not judge. We do not hate.
Most importantly, and something that’s been integral to my well-being and ongoing evolution, is the 8th Satanic Rule of Earth:
8: Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.
That sentiment has changed my life.
But the 11th is my favourite:
11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.
44 notes
·
View notes
“Satanism advocates practicing a modified form of the Golden Rule. Our interpretation of this rule is: "Do unto others as they do unto you"; because if you "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," and they, in turn, treat you badly, it goes against human nature to continue to treat them with consideration. You should do unto others as you would have them do unto you, but if your courtesy is not returned, they should be treated with the wrath they deserve.”
— Anton Szandor LaVey
91 notes
·
View notes
I don’t want to associate myself with Anton LaVey after having just finding out he was a nazi, but what do I call myself if not a Laveyan satanist? I agree with the teachings, not with the person, but I don’t know what to do.
You would call yourself a LaVeyan Satanist if that's what you are, but you might also consider taking a much deeper look at those teachings of his and what else is buried in them.
If you aren't already familiar with Might Is Right, the fact that our dude plagiarized it and sanded off its rougher ideas for the "Book of Satan" section of The Satanic Bible ought to tell you something about our guy's fundamental principles, which do align pretty well with white nationalism in lots of ways.
Longer post about that here.
Be a Satanist, but be critical and don't be beholden to any would-be prophets or dogmas that are harmful.
That's our advice, anyhow.
100 notes
·
View notes