#anxiety and depression | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nicolesanabriaart · 1 year

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Survivin’, Vibin’, and Avoidin’ Unalivin’

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april-is · 5 days

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April 19, 2024: Dear Proofreader, David Hernandez

Dear Proofreader David Hernandez You’re right. I meant “midst,” not “mist.” I don’t know what I was stinking, I mean thinking, soap speaks intimately to my skin every day. Most days. Depending if darkness has risen to my skull like smoke up a chimney floe. Flue. Then no stepping nude into the shower, no mist turning the bathroom mirror into frosted glass where my face would float coldly in the oval. Picture a caveman encased in ice. Good. I like how your mind works, how your eyes inside your mind works, and your actual eyes reading this, their icy precision, nothing slips by them. Even now I can feel you hovering silently above these lines, hawkish, Godlike, each period a lone figure kneeling in the snow. That’s too solemn. I would like to send search parties and rescue choppers to every period ever printed. I would like to apologize to my wife for not showering on Monday and Tuesday. I was stinking. I was simultaneously numb and needled with anxiety, in the midst of a depressive episode. Although “mist” would work too, metaphorically speaking, in the mist of, in the fog of, this gray haze that followed me relentlessly from room to room until every red bell inside my head was wrong. Rung.

--

Today in:

2023: The Socks, Jane Kenyon 2022: Ode to Friendship, Noor Hindi 2021: Heartbeats, Melvin Dixon 2020: Sunday Night, Raymond Carver 2019: Virginia Street, Jennifer Hayashida 2018: What Seems Like Joy, Kaveh Akbar 2017: Aunties, Kevin Young 2016: For the Union Dead, Robert Lowell 2015: The Cambridge Afternoon Was Gray, Alicia Ostriker 2014: Spirit of the Bat, Peggy Shumaker 2013: Thanks, W. S. Merwin 2012: Sweetness, Stephen Dunn 2011: I Remember, Anne Sexton 2010: Letter, Franz Wright 2009: 23rd Street Runs Into Heaven, Kenneth Patchen 2008: HOUSEHOLD ACTIVITY NO. 26, J.R. Quackenbush 2007: from Briggflatts, Basil Bunting 2006: The Chores, Frannie Lindsay 2005: Direct Address, Joan Larkin

#writing #language #anxiety and depression #bipoc poet #poetry #david hernandez

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mjn-air · 10 months

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This post has no other purpose than - hm, you know that thing where you need to say something out loud to make it stick? Like, when you wanna stop smoking, you tell your peeps around you so you gotta stick to your word

So, this is me telling you so I won’t forget and to make it official. I left the house for the first time this entire year for...funsies. I have severe depression and anxiety and lately, it got harder and harder to leave the house until in the end, I panicked just at the thought of leaving the house. I still had to leave the house once a week - grocery shopping with my beloved elderly neighbour lady and I can’t back out of that one because she would....she’s not the generation who immediately is like “oh, yeah, the anxiety, got it”, you know? when I really really couldn’t I would tell her I’m sick. So I just always (luckily! man, you gotta leave the house!) would go with her because...yeah, I didn’t know what to tell her what’s up with me AND I knew where we were going and how long it would take and everything. The reliability of elderly people, you know? They stick to a routine, it’s awesome. Never any unexpected adventures :D

But today, I don’t even know. Ofc my mum asks me (I say that as if it’s....nothing. but I gotta keep this story short. ofc she doesn’t just “ask”, she’s worried, so so worried, she doesn’t just “ask” now and then, she offers, makes suggestions, everything you could think of. She’s a mum, you know?)

So, today, my mum asks me if I want to join her to drive to the next city and I say YES and then we realize we don’t need to drive to the next big city for the thing she wanted to buy we can just stay in our small city and she asks if I would come with her and usually I never would but....I did. I absolutely did and let me tell you the world is a beautiful place. We also went to her garden and I saw flowers and ate those tiny wild strawberries and I am legit crying again because the world is so beautiful.

This is my sticky post to remind myself that...I can go outside. and it’s good outside. There’s a whole beautiful brillant world out there full of miracles and trees and just....yeah. I forgot how lovely a rose bush is. And I need to post this so I don’t convince myself that I better stay inside because it’s “safer inside” and if I don’t say this among witnesses I know I will not believe myself next time or talk myself out of leaving the house next time if that makes any sense.

#j talks #this needs a bunch of tags #anxiety and depression #agoraphobia

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darkwingsnark · 9 months

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I know this is the depression talking, but sometimes I legit feel like people don’t care for me outside of the work I do. It might be because I’m stressed out from the fact I’ve been taking so long to work on the next chapter of MIM-- health and been too tired from taking care of kids being the reason. But lately I’ve been trying to talk about the fic with people, share tidbits to try and pump my energy up beyond the physical fatigue, but it feels like I get radio silence. Could be my fault on timing, but it’s been happening for a while now so my anxiety can’t help but go ‘oh, guess I took too long and peeps have moved on’.

Eh, it won’t stop me from working. But let me tell ya, I’m feelin’ it now Mr. Krabs.

#snark life #anxiety and depression

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arulens-least-horny-jongleur · 8 days

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finding out books you read at a comparatively young age are considered “YA” or “teen” is incredibly strange. i read full novels by the age of 7, and i had no idea that was in any way different from what other kids my age were doing. maybe i was lonely as a kid, but reading novels cover to cover on my own with minimal assistance was very normal, and even expected from my family. i read The Hobbit at age 8, all by myself, and i know several children aged 7 who can’t even read Dr Seuss with confidence. i read The Secret Garden, Oliver Twist, several full series of books… and i never though it strange that i’d read them before the age of 10. and now i’m looking at my cousins and other kids around me wondering if literacy rates have fallen that drastically or if i was a complete anomaly.

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haley-lana · 11 months

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washing down Xanax with an energy drink has got to be in the top ten most neurodivergent things I've ever done, lmao

#my neuro is diverging #just neurodivergent things #anxiety problems #anxiety and depression #social anxiety #anxiety #mental illness #mental heath tw #neurodiversesquad #neurodiverse stuff #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #its the neurodivergency #me irl #don't be like me kids

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qmrukautoworx · 18 days

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No such thing as normal, it's all relative. Be yourself ❤️

#minions #despicable me #illumination #original post #star trek #memes #funny #clever #everyday life #helping #mental heath support #anxiety and depression #social anxiety #friendship #normal people

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your-heart-is-a-treasure · 1 year

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“You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the entire ocean in a drop.”

- Rumi

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selfloverainbow · 2 months

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Again, as with anything your mileage may vary but these are some things that anxiety makes it hard for me to do. I can spot several that are in the 'past' category but omg did it take some work to get there. Also - I don't drive, never have, never intend to, and have absolutely no desire to learn. I used to feel super ashamed of that but my brain just nopes out on the idea altogether.

#social anxiety #anxiety #anxiety and depression #anxietyawareness

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april-is · 17 days

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April 7, 2024: The First Line is the Deepest, Kim Addonizio

The First Line is the Deepest Kim Addonizio

I have been one acquainted with the spatula, the slotted, scuffed, Teflon-coated spatula

that lifts a solitary hamburger from pan to plate, acquainted with the vibrator known as the Pocket Rocket

and the dildo that goes by Tex, and I have gone out, a drunken bitch,

in order to ruin what love I was given,

and also I have measured out my life in little pills—Zoloft,

Restoril, Celexa, Xanax.

I have. For I am a poet. And it is my job, my duty to know wherein lies the beauty

of this degraded body, or maybe

it's the degradation in the beautiful body, the ugly me

groping back to my desk to piss on perfection, to lay my kiss

of mortal confusion upon the mouth of infinite wisdom.

My kiss says razors and pain, my kiss says America is charged with the madness

of God. Sundays, too, the soldiers get up early, and put on their fatigues in the blue-

black day. Black milk. Black gold. Texas tea. Into the valley of Halliburton rides the infantry—

Why does one month have to be the cruelest, can't they all be equally cruel? I have seen the best

gamers of your generation, joysticking their M1 tanks through the sewage-filled streets. Whose

world this is I think I know.

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Poetry nerd extra credit: How many repurposed bits from famous poems can you find? I count 7 and I'm probably missing some!

Also by Kim Addonizio:

+ For Desire + Mermaid Song* + Onset + My Heart

* (Weird fact: this is about her daughter, Aya Cash, who starred in the sitcom You're the Worst. What!)

Today in:

2023: Insha’Allah, Danusha Laméris 2022: To the Woman Crying Uncontrollably in the Next Stall, Kim Addonizio 2021: You Mean You Don’t Weep at the Nail Salon?, Elizabeth Acevedo 2020: Let Me Begin Again, Philip Levine 2019: Hammond B3 Organ Cistern, Gabrielle Calvocoressi 2018: Siren Song, Margaret Atwood 2017: A Sunset, Ari Banias 2016: Coming, Philip Larkin 2015: The Taxi, Amy Lowell 2014: Winter Sunrise Outside a Café Near Butte, Montana, Joe Hutchison 2013: The Last Night in Mithymna, Linda Gregg 2012: America [Try saying wren], Joseph Lease 2011: Boston, Aaron Smith 2010: How Simile Works, Albert Goldbarth 2009: Crossing Over, William Meredith 2008: The World Wakes Up, Andrew Michael Roberts 2007: Hour, Christian Hawkey 2006: For the Anniversary of My Death, W.S. Merwin 2005: The Last Poem About the Snow Queen, Sandra M. Gilbert

#war #modern life #america #anxiety and depression #kim addonizio

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lifeisdaijobu · 1 month

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" It feels like everyone else is moving on with their lives while I'm stuck here in this hold that I can't climb out of. "

-unknown

#depressing shit #anxiety and depression #tw depressing thoughts #im so tired #i dont fucking know #wanna die #why do i do this to myself #Spotify

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tanngonzales · 2 months

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May 2023 | There is hope.

You see, what I came to find after all this time of healing is that love is always inside of me - it never really is about another person. It took me a long journey of self discovery to find the path that will lead me to experience emotional freedom and inner wisdom. When I feel like my darkness is creeping in, I realized that one of the things I can do is to take control of my mind and the thought patterns that will trap me inside an obsessive loop.

I learned how to act fast in stopping this potential spiral because now, I see that my suffering always starts in my thoughts- so the trick is, I only have to to retrain my subconscious mind- and give it a new pattern of beautiful thoughts. And because of that, I started smiling again. 🤍

#self healing #self love #anxiety and depression #travelling #palawan #philippines #pinas #growth

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aplaceinme · 2 months

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Some more relatable excerpts from Glitterland by Alexis Hall (which I'm loving btw):

“Shit. Fuck. Wank. I was going to have to leave the house. Interact with people.”

“I could cope fine, thank you, as long as I had time to prepare. As long as I knew where I was going, what I was doing, what would be expected of me, and how much energy it would take. I needed to plan. Assess the danger. Break the whole activity down into safe, manageable chunks so that the enormity and unpredictability of what lay ahead didn’t overwhelm me.”

“Self-pity. Such an attractive quality. But it was miserably unfair. Whatever I did, no matter how hard I tried to pretend otherwise, there was no respite from my limitations. I was my own cage. And I hated it. Hated myself.”

“And now I lived in a world so narrow and so colourless that getting out of bed in the morning was a victory. That not actively wanting to die was happiness.”

“I haven’t really recognised myself for a very long time.”

“Maybe it would not be so terrible, to disappear entirely, to drift away in fragments beneath the moon, like pieces of torn of lace. To cease to be.”

“I had never wanted death, merely cessation; unfortunately, sometimes, they seemed to be the same thing.”

“This is who I am.” I put my key to the lock. “I don’t need fixing.”

“It was strange—perhaps terrible—but somehow I found it easier to talk about wanting to die than wanting to live.”

I am Ash… Ash is me!

#glitterland #spires series #alexis hall #ash winters #tw suicide mention #anxiety and depression #danielle reads

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nicked-it · 4 months

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i feel like i've been in a perspex box my entire life. i can see the outside world, i can interact with it in a way but i can't integrate or connect with it, or with the people around me. i don't know if i put myself there, if my parents did by how they raised/parented me, or if there is just something wrong with me that keeps me feeling separated and isolated from everyone i come into contact with. its soul destroying.

#mental health #coping #anxiety and depression

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clara-maybe-ontheroad · 5 months

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Weird media guilt cycle : Why I stopped watching, reading and writing about OF

So I used to be pretty active on here about a certain show (ahem ahem) while it was airing, but I started falling behind on new episodes airing and I started feeling ... Guilty ?

Like, my reasons for taking a break were real but not that deep :

despite being really fun to watch, it brought back memories of a pretty chaotic time in my life and made it tricky for me to handle some of my emotions regarding basically all the characters

I was just visiting my partner in Canada and wasn't prioritising watching this show.

But nevertheless, I fell an episode behind, which was normal. Then two. And then three. And at this point there was so many meta posts to engage with, so many things I was tagged in, so much I wanted to read, I didn't know where to start, and I didn't want to get spoiled. And I felt weirdly guilty for not being able to engage, maybe because this was my first time being involved in any kind of Tumblr community.

I felt bad not to reply and contribute to the discourse around the show ; I wanted to avoid spoilers and was so behind so I couldn't read anything and could barely go on Tumblr for a bit, because it was also reminding me I was Behind™. See how other feelings about my life were starting to get into it.

I felt like by the time I would come around to watch, everything meaningful would have been said, and like I had to be the first to comment on something for it to be valuable, and like I was not as dedicated as everyone else. Like I wasn't being productive enough, original enough... About watching one damn show.

I loved watching it ! And watching it with a community, analysing it with everyone, reading all the great posts, was so fun ! But suddenly it caused me dread.

Because coincidentally, many other things in my life that I liked stopped being fun around the same time. Other life stuff made me sink. And this show kinda became emblematic of the pause it felt like my life was taking, of me not being able to follow through, of me feeling directionless. Of me feeling like I had to focus on productive things to be worth of existing, like I was existing in an in between where I wasn't accomplishing enough. And I couldn't watch shows at all for the most part, much less shows about characters feeling lost in their lives.

Ridiculous? Yes. Very real for anxiety-ridden me? Also yes.

I was talking with my therapist the other day though, and we noted that I'm lacking creative outlets since my little depression-y phase a month ago. And that in a way, reading and writing meta about that show was filling a need for creative stuff in my life, since I no longer do YouTube/Tiktok like I also used to.

So ! After a month of being harsh with myself, I'm trying to reintroduce little joys, little moments of creation. And it's silly that writing meta about a show might be part of that, but I guess it was a form of self expression, and in my current phase I need any alley of self expression I can get.

All of this to say... I'm going to start watching that show again !

I'm going to catch up on all the amazing posts people have written about it. I'm going to write silly or serious posts about it. I'm going to try and have fun with it.

Is there any big lesson ? Probably not, or only that we truly have interesting relationships with pieces of media and online communities way beyond what they're actually about.

Also please tell me, has anyone else done this ? I feel very weird.

Anyway if I suddenly start live shitposting you know why !

#only friends the series #this was a rant no one cares about #but i still feel guilty and it's so weird #so i wanted to share #wasn't initially planning on sharing which shows this was about but obviously it's #only friends #ofts meta #my love #also i guess i should tag this for #anxiety and depression

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your-heart-is-a-treasure · 1 year

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We have a responsibility to help those around us and help others in need.

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