I’ll forever be the person who says "It’s okay, I understand" even when my heart is literally shattering.
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Lately I feel like I can't be myself around anyone anymore. If I talk, I talk too much, too loud. If I don't, I'm too quiet, too boring. Everytime I try to express myself I feel guilt. I have no right to be, if I can't be what everyone wants me to be.
-ri.
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“Why are you so quiet? But in my head it’s so loud.”
A Quiet Kind of Thunder, by Sara Barnard
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she's sorry.
she wants you to know that she's sorry.
sorry for the way she is, and how she acts sometimes. her brain is damaged; it has been for as long as she can remember. her anxiety is the first thing she wants to apologize for. her thinking process is is an error, an endless cycle. anxious thoughts race through her mind, day and night, round and round like a merry go round. from past to present, she remembers it all.
her trauma.
her insecurities.
the hurt.
betrayal.
her mind is telling her to worry about anything and everything. she's sorry for the days when when her tears stream down her swollen cheeks, and uncontrollable sobs rack her whole body. how she trembles so much that her body is frozen in one position, all while she sits there and wonders, "what's wrong with me?"
she's sorry for the scenarios that she makes up in her head; they all seem so real. you're leaving her. you don't want her anymore. she's not pretty enough. not thin enough. just not good enough. she's too much to deal with - unworthy of you.
but it isn't her fault.
her mind has been cruel to her. people have been cruel to her. but she's trying, so don't you dare say she's not. she will grow, at her own pace in her own time.
there will be a point where she begins to trust her new life, and that maybe the rug won't be pulled out from under her again. but on behalf of her anxiety, she is truly sorry.
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I like daydreaming I make up stories in my head that involves around me..
I picture myself Brave and confident...
That has no fear of speaking my mind and help others..
But then I'm back to reality I realise....
I'm just a girl hiding in her room in fear to be seen and judged by others...
Leaha.I
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my brain is cruel. when my thoughts go downhill, i can feel my heart start to break. even if the thoughts don’t come true, but they feel so real.
-ahlwords
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And if I would've known how sharp the pieces were you'd crumbled into, I might’ve let them lay. (Renegade feat. Taylor Swift)
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The mentally ill urge to stay up and not go to sleep just to experience peace while everyone else is sleeping between 1am and 5am.
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I love quotes formatted in this way i dont know hits different
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🌼
when you're anxious...
...try out this 5 minute guided meditation. i was extremely anxious today and this helped me calm down considerably.
medidate. relax. it's okay ✨
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“No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself.”
Virginia Woolf
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Katherine Mansfield, from a diary entry featured in “The Diaries of Katherine Mansfield”
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ᶦᵗ'ˢ ˢᵃᵈ ʷʰᵉⁿ ʸᵒᵘ ᵗᵉˡˡ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵒⁿᵉ ʷʰᵃᵗ ᵇʳᵒᵏᵉ ʸᵒᵘ, ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰᵉʸ ᵉⁿᵈ ᵘᵖ ᵈᵒᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉ ᵉˣᵃᶜᵗ ᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉʸ ˢᵃᶦᵈ ᵗʰᵉʸ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈⁿ'ᵗ.
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I wish fear never existed..
Then maybe I could finally do the things I want to do...
Might even come to not hate myself..
But I know that without fear you are far from being human....
Leaha.I
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