every day I feel like I’m waiting for the moment that someone deems me undeserving of my life
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Word Vomit
They can tell there's something wrong
You don't need a mirror to tell you that your eyes are glazed over.
Your complexion is flushed yet simultaneously pale.
You're breathing through your mouth again.
The air isn't getting any fresher yet everyone can hear you gasping.
They're saying nothing. They think it'll help.
But background noise is background distraction.
The rush of adrenaline.
The pound of your pulse.
Pressing backspace on paragraphs.
The warmth you choke back.
You try your best to hold it.
It'll be your mess to clean up.
Your thoughts are so disjointed.
Find a basin to release them.
You'll feel better once you do.
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c. 2017
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Shoutout to all the people who actually feel worse after being honest
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What Tickles
I’m back in the box again
choosing what’s in my hand
over what’s at my door
it’s getting harder to leave the house
& tell the difference between
what hurts & what tickles
Casey O’Brien, 2023
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“Remember that: I know how black it looks today, for you. It looked bad that day, too, yes, we were trembling. We have not stopped trembling yet, but if we had not loved each other none of us would have survived. And now you must survive because we love you…” — James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time
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*mutual makes post abt wanting asks* oh but they definitely meant all their mutuals besides me of course. thats how this works
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They say it will soon pass.
Liars.
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me, having a fever, left arm feels sore and fingers tingly (was laying on it)
my shaking italian greyhound ass brain : heart attack!! prepare to die
its half past 5 in the morning give me a break
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Other people: Oh come on, what’s the worst that could happen?
Me: *pulling out a detailed spreadsheet* Well according to my calculations, there are at least 23 outcomes that involve a fire and approximately a 0.03% chance of the world blowing up and/or aliens invading. So….
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Being sick has it's silver linings. For example:
For the past several days, I have been so busy manually breathing and trying to stay upright that I haven't been anxious or worried at all.
My stress levels are at an all-time low.
Just a fun little reminder that if you don't slow down and take care of yourself, your body will make you slow down and take care of yourself.
and also you might start seeing the hat man
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My Anxiety Feels Rational For Once
What lies ahead
Will I leave you guys behind
What if stress causes me to crack
And I can no longer text you back
Will you just be names and stories
I repeat until they tell me to stop
Two years aren't long enough
Is it selfish to request a lifetime
You're my home and I'm scared to move out
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here's Hinoenma!!!!
She's technically a Ten/Tenbu, but her namesake is based on the yokai, Hinoenma
I'll probably go over the Ten in another post since Hino's kind of an odd case
uhhh her tragic sadgirl backstory is that her dad is the CEO of hell and the damned and her mom is the queen of heaven and is also just kind of a bitch
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people do not understand how severe generalized anxiety can get like opening an entire can of food makes me nervous. the prospect of watching my favorite show makes me nervous. deciding to text my distant friend out of nowhere feels like a life altering risk. you freeze in your tracks but still think about doing the thing you wanted for days or weeks. how am i supposed to live like this
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Me watching those “my favorite mutual” posts on tiktok knowing that i’m not in them because i don’t talk to my moots lol 😇😇😇
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