#anxious avoidant

[lastsecondsquirrel]

I am so so tired of having the compassion for everyone else that they don't have for me

You're having a bad day? Let me pause my whole life so I can help you with that. Let me give you that book that is so so special to me knowing I won't be getting it back. Let me play along with your cruel jokes, tend to your wounds and carry you across the finish line

I'm having a bad day and I must apologize for feeling feelings in your direction I guess I should have tried harder but I'll see you next time you need something

#vent #rant #parentification #anxious avoidant #avoidant personality disorder #agoraphobia #personal vent #angry #emotional neglect #parentified child #compassion

[simplyjustagirlsblog]

#fiona apple #girl blogger #tumblr girls #girlblogging #actually avoidant #avoidant personality disorder #avoidant attachment #anxious avoidant #anxious attachment #gaslight gatekeep girlboss #just girly things #female hysteria #female manipulator #mystery #mysterious beauty #the female urge #the feminine urge #the female experience #divine feminine #divine female #female experience #femininity #femcel #just girls being girls #this is what makes us girls #pretty girls #hyper feminine #mentally unstable #mental health #possession

[elegyofdionysus]

I would do anything and everything for you. And not solely because I want you to have it all but because I'm scared if I don't give you everything than you will take away the little you give me. My inability to refuse you is not because my love is unconditional, it's because yours isn't.

#love #unreciprocated love #one sided feelings #unrequited love #unrequited feelings #dark acadamia aesthetic #romantic academia #sad romance #sad gay noises #self destruction #sadbeautifultragic #i luv you #sad gal hours #anxious attachment #anxious avoidant #distant #avoidant attachment #3 am ramblings

[scarlet4rose]

I think I'm in love with you

Jess Mariano x reader y/n angst

₊ ⋆˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ‧

A November night. Rain keeps on pouring down, the sky is dark. you're kind of sad and look out of the window, which is full of raindrops and offers a view of ... nothing at all. there's nothing to see.

you think. But suddenly there's the glimpse of a shadow and this November night no longer seems to mean just nothing at all.

You crack open the window a little and glance out. "Hello?" you call out into the dark. You're about to close the window again until you hear his voice. "Don't"

You widen your eyes: "Jess?" "Yeah, it's me" he's all wet and seems to be trying to stop himself from shivering.

"Are you stupid? What are you doing here?" you ask. he could get sick in the cold and the rain, you think. you're worried about him actually.

"oh great, that's just typical. the first thing you ask is if i'm stupid! That's how you think of me, right?" Jess pretends to be upset and has his brows furrowed.

"what?" you shake your head, "no, that's not true…" "well, then what is true?" he replies, sounding kind of provocative

"You're gonna be real sick by tomorrow! True enough??"

he tries hard not to smile. "so what are you gonna do about it?"

"let you in, I guess?", you sigh.

"That's what I was hoping for". Jess steps closer to your window and climbs into your room. his clothes are full of rain and it's dripping on the carpet.

you groan in annoyance: "you're making a huge mess here and I don't even know why... why you're here"

"Huge mess?" Jess looks at you in disbelief, "Jesus, Y/N, it's just water. it'll dry."

Your expression remains unchanged. "Jess, what are you doing here?". He tilts his head a little. "I was bored. that's all ".

"great. whenever you're bored, i'm good enough," you cross your arms and turn your head to the side.

Jess and you are good friends. you go to school together, you occasionally help him with his homework, since he doesn't do any of it on his own. you're cool. but sometimes, just sometimes, you're overcome with a feeling of helplessness when you're around him. a feeling that you could want more, but you just can't be. you're too different and everyone knows he's no good for you.

Jess just smiles: "maybe".

but you're not in the mood for his games tonight. "go home, Jess. I really don't know what you want from me right now. it's kinda late. contact your homework help next time during the day!"

Jess blinks in confusion: "woah, Y/N. that's not what i meant. you know you're not just my homework help, come on now."

he tries to reach for your hand, but you pull it away. you won't even look at him.

"please Y/N, what the hell are you doin ? I don't understand. I never said anything like that"

you swallow: "i know. sometimes you just think certain things. but you never say them".

Jess sounds almost angry now: "Stop it! you don't know what you're saying"

"you're right", you reply in a sarcastic tone, "how on earth am I supposed to know what I am saying".

"God!" Jess takes a step back, "what's the matter with you all of a sudden? why are you actin like i don't care about you?"

you can't help it, you turn your face towards him and try your best to give him a cold and determined look. "I don't have to act like you don't care about me. I already know you don't"

his eyes grow sad und he just looks at you, doesn't say a word for about a minute. he seems to be deep in thought for a while and you're beginning to feel uneasy. maybe you went too far, you think.

"Jess...?", you mutter

"Y/N", his expression remains stern.

"Yeah?"

"you care about me?", he then asks. your breath hitches in your throat. Of course you do! how couldn't you? he was never supposed to know though...

"well, what do you wanna hear?", you try to play it cool, but you can feel your foolish heart jumping up and down in your chest like a maniac.

"you know, maybe you're right. you know, right about how we think certain things but never say them?"

"I guess so", your heart is beating even faster. is he going to break it now?

"I think stuff. and it's just stupid. but when I asked you if you cared about me... I kinda wanted you to say you do"

You look at him shocked, wanting to yell, 'But I do', but you can't seem to form the words.

"And it's just stupid cause… I think I'm kind of in love with you. or whatever this feeling is, because I've never been in love before" .

his confession hits you like a train and you feel numb, it's all so dreamy, so surreal. "Jess, I didn't know", you burst out. you wanna fall into his arms and confess to him too, but he's already at your window. opening it.

"yeah, it's whatever", He bites down on his lower lip, "gonna get over it anyway"

"No, Jess, wait, please wait", you plead with him to stay, but he doesn't listen. he's out of your room in a second, rain pouring down on him.

"i dont wanna wait. I'm always stuck waiting for something. not gonna wait. no more", he says in a cold voice. and then he's gone, disappeared into the night.

you feel like you might break down and cry at any moment, but you know how to pull yourself together, cause you have always had to your whole life. And now you know something else too. Jess loves you. and you got feelings for him too, there's no denying it any longer. and you know he needs to know. he won't have to wait anymore.

Because tommorow at school, you'll see him again

--------------------˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚---------------------

#jess mariano x reader #jess mariano fic #jess mariano #gilmore girls fanfiction #jess mariano fanfiction #jess x y/n #jess mariano x y/n #jess mariano imagine #jess x reader #angst #jess marino angst #anxious attachment #anxious avoidant #bad boy x good girl #jess mariano headcanons #enemies to lovers #friends to lovers

[aafiizaa]

My Dear Avoidant

As we get older, we will realise that mutual connection is rare.

So if you do find someone you could connect with, do not sabotage that.

Do not sabotage with “I’m not ready to commit”, or “I will never give you that part of me”.

Or the best one yet, “It is not you, it is me”.

Cause we may never get to experience this again.

And I will wonder if there was something I could have done differently then.

To make you see that you are worthy.

That you too indefinitely deserve love and intimacy.

See, I do not know what had happened to you.

But I will pray that you will eventually emerge through.

You do not have to do everything independently.

It is okay to let others in and embrace vulnerability.

#avoidant #anxious avoidant #avoidant attachment #dismissive avoidant #fearful avoidant

[avillainstory]

#dark academia #poetry #stay #bpd #anxious avoidant

[sadgirlrry]

I can’t get rid of this melancholic somewhat wrenching feeling.

I’m staring at a particular point, zoning out, feeling numb, disconnected, almost disoriented.

And suddenly, I’m at dinner with family, the room’s filled with laughter, only one seat remaining silent; my senses finally redefined (yet in the eyes of others, I remain unseen).

No one notices my silence, not cause the action itself is unnoticeable, it’s much simpler than that; I’m unnoticeable.

I look down to my hands, fidgeting, biting my inner-lip, but instantaneously readjusting, feeling judged even though no one bats an eye at me.

Every part of my soul is fighting the urge to scream, to feel understood, to be heard for once. I feel like an other species.

God, I hate every movement and sound surrounding me. But with every strength in my body, I tell myself; “You know you have to do this, just act normal.”

Therefore, I grit my teeth, swallowing brusquely. I initiate with a head-turn while observing the conversation, mirroring their gestures. Eventually laughing along, but It’s all an act.

Being perceived and noticed is all I’ve ever longed for, yet paradoxically, it’s all I’ve ever avoided.

#avpd #avoidant personality disorder #anxious avoidant #actually avoidant #avoidant attachment #avoidance #self destruction #my poem #poetry #alone with my thoughts #alienation #existentialism

[opulence-is-decadence]

They're just like me lol

#tag yourself #anxious avoidant #secure attachment #boygenius #avoidant attachment #I'm avoidant with a dash of anxious

[unofficialpoet]

sometimes i still flinch away from gentleness. when those hands reach for me, palms bared like teeth, i still shrink back like a cornered animal growling out “no. i am strong. i don’t need this embrace.”

i wish i snapped my teeth more. i wish i really pulled away when i wanted to, wish i let the softness of my body harden into sharp lines. but instead i let hands smooth away any ridges in the pebbles i picked up while walking.

sometimes i can’t relax when you hold me. sometimes i hold onto the tension like a lifeline, like if i don’t, i’ll sink.

sometimes i hate the soft planes of my face, the gentle bow of my lips. i practice staring myself down in the mirror with my deadliest glare, but all i can muster is someone haunted by something i can’t name.

sometimes i teeter on the edge of my childhood rooftop, only one story from the ground, and try to dig up the feeling of lightning striking the tree a block away, but i don’t even flinch.

i have a pinterest board titled: “what i want to look like” and it’s filled with grotesque creatures with limbs dissolving into smoke alongside beautiful boys with lips just like mine;

two disparate images, and all i can glean from that contrast is that i don’t know what the hell i want to be, just that i want to be different.

#love #poetry #writing #art #writers on tumblr #writeblr #childhood #anxious avoidant #avoidant attachment #rocks #wlw post #wlw writing #wlw poetry #touchstarved #touch

[prince-tulip]

I just get to a point where i feed into anxieties, paranoia, doubts of my own capabilities, i get overwhelmed... over stimulated mentally and just as much physically, my reality becomes blurry, i become non verbal and dissociative pushing people away because thats whats best for them, even if though i dont want that. I don't want to push them away.

Its all self sabotaging.

I question if ill ever be happy.

#self healing #mental health #dissociative system #bpd #anxitey #nonverbal #fake reality #feeling lost #i hate my brain #stupid stupid stupid #yeah idk #anxious avoidant

[lastsecondsquirrel]

NORMALIZE VOICING HOW HOPELESS LIFE FEELS WITHOUT FEAR OF INSTITUTIONALIZATION

#angry #therapy #therapist #therapists #mental health #mental illness #vent #rant #psychiatry #fuck it I'm tagging all of it #psychiatrist #depression #dysthymia #agoraphobia #avoidant personality disorder #personal vent #emotional neglect #anxious avoidant #I actually really really like my therapist but I just Can't Open Up about how painful life really is #psychology #normalize acknowledging reality #psych ward #actually mentally ill #mentally exhausted #major depressive disorder #mental instability #mental hospital #learned hopelessness

[solitaryevanescence]

It’s odd, not having close friends or a best friend.

I know people. I have acquaintances. There are people I am able to be honest with.

But no one calls me their friend, their best friend, “bestie,” or anything like that. Quite superficial.

I’m not complaining, just observing.

It’s definitely lonely. Not gonna deny that.

All forms of media - books, movies, TV, socials - always depict people as having friends in a group or three or a duo against the world.

I’ve seen my “role” described as the “filler friend” - the person that you go to when all of your plans fall through. Not the second choice; the last choice.

It’s been like this my whole life. So why does it still hurt when someone posts about their “besties,” I’m not tagged?

#alone with my thoughts #solitude #anxious avoidant #asexual #solitary life #no friends

[creatingnikki]

Friday night, I am tired. When did Friday nights become all about work? I guess around the same time when Wednesday nights became about Netflix and chill. Mondays are now quite calm and the blues mostly hit me on Thursdays. My life, my schedule, stopped following the expected pattern somewhere along the way. This is not me complaining — only realizing that my life is mine to live the way I want, to suffer how I choose. I do not want to wither or wreck. I do not want to cringe nor cry at my every move. 

I read half a book in one sitting this week and the other half in a second and the last time I did such reading so casually was perhaps in college. I also chose to give into my needs despite my fear. I want to move away from my anxious attachment style to a more secure one  — people only have power over me if I have no control over my own thoughts and am blind to my own worth and power. 

Kissing a new soul feels like kissing for the very first time each time and I am grateful for the chocolate you bought me and the way you listen to me speak. I am becoming this person who pets street cats and does not reply to texts right away. White lies are at a steady increase but harsh truths also spill easier now. With neither do I have any say, really. 

I look forward to experiencing a new city with my best friend, shopping for traditional wear for a wedding with my mother, a sleepover with my sister and communicating and cuddling with you. I am avoiding going to the doctor, speaking with my accountant, signing up for a yoga class, and telling people to fuck off. But I am trying skincare products, staying away from buying expensive scented candles, not throwing my phone across the room, and biting my tongue as acts of self preservation. 

Pat my head and tell me good girl?

#spilled thoughts #writerscreed #poetryportal #poeticstories #twc poetry #writers on tumblr #poets on tumblr #im tryin my best #adulting #netflix and chill #anxious avoidant #self improvement #self worth #self work #growing up #real life #spilled truth #creatingnikki

[atomicstarcorpse]

1/3

2/3

3/3

#i write poetry sometimes #dog motif #anxious avoidant #rocd #snarling #barking #poetry #mine #poetry snippets #because i cant write a complete poem for the life of me

[bongznbitchez]

BREAKING: girl discovers the chores she’s been anxiously avoiding for weeks only take 20 minutes to complete

#txt #txt post #anxious avoidant #neurodivergent #funny

[angelunderheaven]

no funny stuff, be honest with me this time. you say you love me, boy? you crazy? this is gonna end real bad. so take it back, just take it back. you can like me a bit, I guess, but don't take it any further, I'll run away. I will.

I will do it again.

#why am i like this #i'm a bad girl #girl interrupted #girlblogging #girlhood #crazy girl #anxious attachment #anxious avoidant #manic pixie dream girl #female hysteria #female experience #just girly things #just girly thoughts #lizzy grant #80s girl #sad girl #vhscore #vhs aesthetic #runaway #cool girl monologue #my post