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ibelongtowrath · 4 years

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Come Find Me - Mammon x Reader

reuploading cause of tags lol let’s hope they work this time, also sorry i forgot to put the “read more” oop

Tags/Warnings: angst, lots of angst & mild cursing Word Count: 3.9k Notes: I tried switching perspectives, which are indicated by the dashed lines. I hope it doesn't make it too confusing! I was listening to “Give You Up” by Asking Alexandria, like really listening to the lyrics when I was smacked in the face struck by inspiration for some angsty Mammon. So, as I do, I dreamed up a scenario. This took me so long to write, and holy crap. Hope you love it!

Lyrics taken from 'Give You Up' by Asking Alexandria.

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11 months later.

“I wasted so much time on wasting time Made a million excuses, told myself I'm above it Now there's symphony where there used to be Nothing but silence, and I'm never gonna give you up”

Pulling open the closet door to find that one shirt you remember buying, but can’t for the life of you remember where it is, you wince. Clothes and shoes are strewn everywhere, organization severely neglected as of late. You hadn’t really been inspired to straighten out your mess, not since--

No. You shake your head, suppressing the memories. Not now, not for a long time...until it stops feeling like a hot knife is carving your heart in half whenever his name flashes across your mind.

Your eyes scan and assess the mess, landing on a black duffel bag shoved into the corner, emblazoned with an all-too-familiar gold badge. Your eyes close briefly, letting the familiar icy pain wash over you, as if you’ve been walking into the winter ocean until your entire body is submerged. You stare at the bag until your vision blurs, surprised to find yourself blinking away tears as you come back to reality.

You told yourself you wouldn’t leave the Devildom with any regrets, but you did.

“Okay. Well. We’re just going to deal with this now, and bury it,” you tell yourself, needing to hear yourself say it out loud as your own affirmation.

It was finally time to face the anguish head on, instead of compartmentalizing it, telling yourself you would process it eventually. Picking up the bag, you slowly back out of the closet, a torrent of emotions beginning to well up inside you, threatening to wreak havoc. You close your eyes. Breathe, Y/N, breathe. Step back, and lean against the wall, subdue the onslaught.

Tossing the bag onto your bed, you sit beside it, hand reaching slowly to grasp the zipper. Once undone, you reach inside and pull out your R.A.D uniform, skimming the small buttons embedded in the stitching. You smile softly as you remember Asmo pouting every time you complained about how ill-fitting it was. Your hand moves to the golden R.A.D. medallion, your fingers dancing over the hard, intricately grooved surface.

Folding the uniform and setting it aside, you reach into the bag once more, fingers brushing something hard and flat. Confused, you lift your hand, finding yourself grasping your D.D.D.. Your eyes study the yellow smart phone, remembering how he insisted...Fuck. The memories begin to crash into the forefront of your mind.

“Wait, Lucifer, ya gotta give her a yellow one! She’s gotta match with me! N-not that it’s all that important or anything...” Mammon blushed, looking down towards the floor.

“I-I just think...yellow’s a good color to have. That’s all. Symbolizes a lot ‘a different good things. Luck, lotsa Grimm...thank me later.”

You didn’t know it at the time, but that was the start of your undoing.

You came to the Devildom harboring resentment. Why the hell did you have to get uprooted from your life to serve someone else’s agenda? And not only that, but you had to live with seven fallen demon brothers, many of whom barely hesitated as they considered killing you. But...then there was Mammon.

It was always him, even when you refused to acknowledge it. The first demon you made a pact with. You slide your shirt down your arm, glancing at your now-bare shoulder, remembering the slight jolt of electricity as the sigil was emblazoned into your skin. You smile softly as you remember his persistent boasting, nearly on a daily basis:

“I’m Y/N’s first man! So get your paws off her!”

Mammon. Always so stand-offish about his feelings, but so were you. That resentment you bore dug deep into your core. Your heart was indifferent. You challenged Lucifer and the other demons without inhibition, consistently getting yourself nearly killed. You disobeyed the rules and expectations designated to you as one of the representatives of the human world. You did it all with no qualms about the potential consequences, even if it could have resulted in your death. You had given up. You didn’t give a fuck anymore, so bring it on.

They all gave a fuck about you, though, even if it was mostly because Lord Diavolo forbade the killing of the human students. But Mammon…

It was more than that for him. He grabbed your hand in the face of danger, thinking he could protect you. Despite his constant denial of how he felt for you, you could see it. Not only that, your feelings mirrored his; but you were so stubborn, you were headstrong. You were not going to let yourself fall, especially not for the Avatar of Greed. You had convinced yourself that he would be a selfish lover, always putting himself first. All he would do is take from you. After all, the demon was in love with his goddamn credit card.

You were so wrong.

Turning the phone over and over in your hands aimlessly, you remember it all. How easy it was for you to keep falling back into the darkness within you, the anger and resentment you bore deep in your heart. It was easy, it was familiar. Until...

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Mammon remembers that night. He’s replayed so many times in his head, there isn’t a single detail he can’t remember.

As usual, his brothers teased him relentlessly; this time, they had gone too far.

“Oh! Y/N, I dropped my fork by your foot, would you mind being a dear and grabbing it for me?” Asmo asked, innocently enough.

Mammon had looked up upon hearing your name. He watched as you bent down and struggled to pick up the dropped fork, too far away to grab from your seat. His gaze remained on you as you stood, bending behind you to pick it up; then, Asmo lifting his hand to give you a playful slap on the ass. Then back to you, your beautiful lips upturned in a playful, flirty smile as you laughed and handed Asmo the fork.

Mammon’s anger blazed, his vision tinged red. It was like a knee-jerk reaction, the movements required no thought. He stood from his chair, nearly kicking it in, half-eaten plate of food abandoned. Wordlessly, he took his leave, the torrent of emotions welled up inside threatening to erupt. He knew it wasn’t a good idea to react, that it was only going to add more fuel to the fire for their teasing.

But he didn’t care. They took it too far, touching his human like that. He had laid his claim for you thousands of times, spelled it out, and everyone knew. Yet, it didn’t stop them. Mammon was forever the brother ridiculed and mocked most, despite being the second-oldest; his brothers’ contempt for him was never-ending. The constant jeers and derision about himself and his sin, he had put up with for millennia; but their taunting and blatant disregard of his feelings for you?

He couldn’t stand it any longer.

Mammon was on autopilot, barely feeling the movements as he walked swiftly throughout the halls of the House of Lamentation. He doesn’t even recall if he took a single breath on his journey back to his bedroom. He gripped the doorknob of his room, knuckles turning white as he nearly ripped it out while turning it. He stepped inside, slamming the door with a residual bang!, so loud that surely even Lord Diavolo could hear it in his castle.

His feet moved him to his bed, where he sat on the edge, head in his hands. He clenched his jaw, hard, in an attempt to subdue the anger pulsing within him. It wasn’t only anger, however, that was welled up inside. There was humiliation, resentment, and feelings of hopelessness; all directed at himself. Mammon clenched harder, hands beginning to shake as the emotions swelled furiously.

No matter what he did, he felt like he failed. He felt an overwhelming desire to protect what was his, and he had even failed at that. Mammon isn’t sure how long he stayed that way, caught in the middle of the emotional thunderstorm, staring at his hands but not actually seeing.

In his trance, he barely heard the knock on his door; three light taps, then one loud one. Your signature knock. It didn’t even register in his mind. He wishes he looked up to see you when you walked across his room to his bed. He only noticed when you grabbed his arm, gently, in that way your touch always was. He lifted his head slowly, the feelings of hopelessness finally starting to ebb when his melancholy gaze met your serene one.

There you stood, in all your beautiful glory. Your hair hung in glossy rivulets down your back, a stray piece hanging in front of your face; Mammon wanted nothing more than to reach up and tuck it behind your ear. Your face, your beautiful face, wore an expression that simultaneously made his heart race and feel peaceful.

“Mammon.”

You spoke his name, and in those two syllables, and he knew. He knew your soul shined so brightly in the darkness of the Devildom. He knew you were the light to all of his darkness within.

He knew he was irrevocably in love with you.

Mammon felt your grip tighten on his arm, ever so slightly. He stood before you, realizing your close proximity, and immediately felt the heat rush to his cheeks, tinting them with a rosy blush.

“Y-yeah? What do ya want, Y/N?” he asked, looking off to the side. He reached his arm up, rubbing the back of his head. “Sheesh, you didn’t even tell me you were comin’. A little advanced notice would be nice, ya know.”

You didn’t even answer. Before he could react, you had pulled Mammon into a hug, your arms wrapped tightly around his waist.

“Wha-?!” Mammon yelped. “Just what do you think you’re doin’, human?!”

He recoiled at first, arms hanging down at his sides, unfamiliar with the feeling of such affection...such love. Rarely was he ever shown such things, especially from his brothers. He hesitantly reached his arms up, wrapping them around your body, the soft texture of your hair under his fingers.

He leaned his head down, his cheek resting on the top of your head while he stroked your hair.

And then, you said it. You spoke the words that made him come undone completely.

“I love you, Mammon.”

Mammon’s body stilled for a moment. It felt as though his heart had stopped completely. The words caught in his throat, unable to speak, fingers threaded into your hair. He felt you squeeze him harder, turning your head to look up at him. His eyes met yours.

You had come here to the Devildom, and at first, Mammon was indifferent. He would have gladly sold your possessions for some extra cash with no hesitation. He insulted you, he acted like an arrogant fool. You did risky things, you talked back. And yet, you somehow were able to make your way into his ice-cold, tsundere heart.

He sunk back down to the edge of the bed, pulling you towards him. You sat upon his lap, legs on either side of his waist. He wrapped his arms around you, pressing you flush to him, fingers splayed across your back. He pushed your hair to the side, burying his head into your neck, lips against your soft skin. All he wanted in that moment was to breathe you in. He swallowed, pressing a kiss into your neck, hoping, praying that you wouldn’t react negatively.

It’s hard to remember the exact sequence that followed. The only thing Mammon knows is your lips pressed against his in a deep kiss, causing his eyes to widen in surprise. He pulled away, grinning, then kissed you again, and again, and again, his hands roaming under your shirt, across your back.

“Shit, Y/N. I guess you have me feeling some type-a way, too,” he whispered, kissing and biting the delicate skin of your neck, an overwhelming desire to leave his mark on you.

It hadn’t gone any further that night, and Mammon had been okay with it. He had walked you back to your room, grabbing you and kissing you deeply before you went in. He was sure the grin hadn’t left his face the entire rest of the night.

It was essentially the way you and Mammon had spent your final weeks in the Devildom. Stolen kisses here and there. Grabbing your hand in the hallways of R.A.D., lacing his fingers through yours. Spending the entire night together, not sleeping, watching movies on his projector or him teaching you how to play poker. Buying you little gifts using Goldie, much to Lucifer’s chagrin. He wanted to give you all that he could, to provide for you.

He held you close whenever he got the opportunity, stroking your hair, ingraining every feeling of your touch into his memory so he would never forget. He knew he was running out of time to be yours, to give you all of him. Mammon had never been so happy.

Then, that fateful day arrived. The day you were going back to the human world.

Mammon could hardly look at you when the time came, too afraid his emotions would well to the surface and tip over. He finally lifted his gaze to yours, thousands of unspoken words etched into the space between you, visible only to you and he. You had never spoken of a plan for the future, too painful to think about. He regretted all the time wasted, kicking himself for not telling you his feelings sooner.

Maybe then, you wouldn’t have left at all.

Mammon didn’t embrace you before the ceremony to transport you back began, knowing that once he did, he would never be able to let you go. He watched the light flash, as bright as your beautiful soul, taking you away with it, leaving nothing in its wake. The pain of losing you was like a knife plunged deep into his heart, twisting back and forth.

And then, you were gone.

Gone.

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Gone.

And then, Mammon was gone.

“Mammon.”

You speak his name out loud, for the first time since you had arrived back. You still for a second, the unfamiliar syllables passing over your lips. You hope he’ll appear suddenly, as if summoned. But of course, he doesn’t.

And he never will, not again.

The tears fall freely now, a gut-wrenching sob wracking your body. The anguish crashes over you as all the emotions and pent-up grief finally break through the dam you had built deep inside. You fall to the side of your bed, gripping the D.D.D. tightly, knuckles turning white from the effort, as if the phone holds the power to bring Mammon back to you.

You’re unsure of how much time passes before the tears finally begin to subside, opening your eyes once more, adjusting to the sudden brightness; the feeling of it unwelcome, as you had learned to cherish the dark in the Devildom. The false sense of comforting dark you felt when you closed your eyes was erased each morning with the unrelenting rise of the sun.

You lift your hand, the yellow phone still gripped tightly within. And in a moment of hopefulness, or desperation (perhaps both), you press a button, gasping as the phone lights up. Though you shouldn’t be surprised; you remember Mammon telling you he put a spell on it so that it would hold a charge long after you took it off the charger, essentially always staying on.

So you could talk to him whenever you needed it.

Fingers moving faster than your brain can compute, you open your messages with Mammon, feeling the knife twist in your gut once more as you scroll through them. You shake your head furiously, willing yourself to stop, and focus. Your fingers dance across the digital keyboard as you compose a new message.

I love you, Mammon. Come find me.

Send. You hear the all-too-familiar whoosh sound of the message sending, watching it pop up onto the screen.You stare at the phone for God knows how long, willing a notification to sound off, unsure of why you’re feeling so hopeful.

The reply never comes.

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Mammon stares at his phone in disbelief. He reads the message, then stands, beginning to pace around the room. He has to be seeing things. He has to be. He’s convinced.

There is no way he just received a message from you, in the human world. Especially not one telling him that you love him and to come find you.

His fingers fly across the screen, furiously typing a reply to you, pressing send.

Error! Retry?

“What?!” Mammon exclaims, pressing “retry” over and over and over again.

Error! Retry?

“This piece ‘a junk!” he yells, furious. The feeling of anguish washes over him as he realizes you won’t get a reply from him, picturing you sad yet hopeful, staring at your screen. He finds himself leaving his room, legs moving automatically as they bring him to the large double doors of the last place he ever wants to be.

“Oi! Lucifer! Open up right now! It’s an emergency!” Mammon yells, pounding on the door.

Hearing an exasperated sigh on the other side of the doors, Mammon continues to pound relentlessly.

“Lucifer! Open up-” Mammon’s words are cut off as Lucifer opens the door, a pained expression on his face.

“How can I help you, Mammon?” Lucifer asks, oozing contempt.

Mammon storms past him into the office, beginning to open up drawers, sorting through files of papers.

“Lucifer! Where the heck’s Y/N’s info? I need it. Where is it?!”

“Mammon,” Lucifer replies cooly, “what is this all about?”

“It’s Y/N! She texted me! She texted me from the human world. Can ya believe it?! She told me to come find her. I have to go to her, Lucifer, I have to!”

“Mammon, calm down. Explain everything to me.”

Mammon shoves the phone in Lucifer’s face, panic etched into his voice as he recounts the story, impatience creeping in to his demeanor. He has to get to you, and he has to get to you now.

Lucifer nods, holding his gloved hand under his chin as he thinks aloud.

“Mammon, you will have to be patient. I will speak to Diavolo, and see if he will grant you permission to leave the Devildom for a few days. Unfortunately, we do not have an exact location for Y/N. I can only give you the general area of where she lives. You will have to hope that she has remained living there, or close to the area.”

“What?! What are ya tryin’ to say, that I won’t be able to find her?!” Mammon yells in disbelief. “Of course I’ll find her. She told me to! And I can’t wait, I gotta get to her now! I can’t text her back, can’t let her know I got it…”

“I know how important she is to you, Mammon,” Lucifer says, nodding his head.

“Like hell ya do! Have you ever loved anyone that much? Or anything?”

“Mammon. I will speak to Diavolo immediately, and he will set everything in motion. It is still likely you will have to wait until at least tomorrow morning.”

“Tomorrow morning…,” Mammon repeats, trailing off. “Y/N, I’m comin’ to ya. Just hang on one more day. Please, babe…”

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You find yourself at your favorite mall the next day, hardly remembering the drive there, as if you were on autopilot.

As you enter, you stand still for a moment, closing your eyes and inhaling briefly, taking in the sounds: the tinny music filtering through the speakers, other shoppers exclaiming to one another over a new collection in a store, somebody sipping their iced coffee noisily.

You had told Mammon about coming here quite often during those last few weeks. One night in particular, the two of you had lain on his bed, holding one another close, telling each other everything. You hadn’t cared if it was trivial, you wanted to know everything there was to know. Often, you had imagined coming with him here; holding hands, dragging him into all your favorite stores, trying on clothes.

Now, that will never happen.

You shake the negative thought from your mind, fighting as you feel the corners of your lips begin to tug downwards. Turning yourself to the right, you decide to head to your favorite bubble tea stand, smiling softly to yourself. Another memory you had shared with Mammon. Rounding the corner, a figure hunched over on the soft bench near the bubble tea stand stops you dead in your tracks.

Tousled white hair, orange-tinted lenses in his glasses. A brown leather jacket, striped with white across and at the collar, a fitted black t-shirt underneath.

No. No way. Your mind is playing tricks on you, Y/N, you think to yourself.

You walk hesitantly up to him, stopping a few feet away, watching as he notices your shoes, then moves his head up to meet your gaze, that adorable lopsided grin tugging at his lips as he stands.

“Knew I’d find ya here, Y/N. Lucifer didn’t believe me, that jerk,” he drawls.

“M-...Mammon?!” you exclaim, not caring who hears. You barely feel the movements as you throw yourself into his embrace. “H-how?!”

“Ya told me to come find ya. So I found ya.”

Gripping the collar of his jacket tightly, you lay your head on his chest, tears streaming furiously down your face. Mammon lifts your head, cupping your cheeks, wiping your tears away with his thumbs.

“Hey, hey. No tears ruinin’ that pretty face. Unless they’re happy tears. In which case, cry away, I guess. But your makeups’ runnin’ down your face,” Mammon tells you, and you grin through them.

“How did you know to find me here?” you ask him as you pull away, brushing more tears away as you swallow.

“I remembered you tellin’ me about it. How you liked to come here when you weren’t feelin’ all that great,” he answers, draping an arm over your shoulder. “I tried to answer ya back, but my stupid D.D.D. wouldn’t let me. I thought ya might be sad, so I figured I’d try ya here.”

You laugh, grin growing wider.

“I love you, Mammon.”

He pulls you into another tight embrace, pressing you flush to him, lips crashing against yours in a deep kiss. You close your eyes, savoring every second of it before pulling away, eyes wide. You laugh once more as he pulls you close to him again, gasping a bit in surprise as his tongue darts out to dance with yours.

“Mammon, we’re in public!” you hiss, though you’re smiling against his lips.

“Don’t care,” Mammon retorts, kissing you again. “I have ya here with me now. And I ain’t ever gonna give you up. Never again.”

“In my darkest of days I've got a light now to show me the way It's like I've found my place And the world doesn't feel the same”

#obey me mammon #mammon obey me #obey me #obey me fanfiction #obey me! mammon #obey me fanfic #obey me fandom #mammon avatar of greed #obey me swd #swd obey me #mammon #mammon swd #swd mammon

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kpopisthereasonihavenolife · 5 years

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Kitsune | ii. winter

Jung Hoseok/Reader [F]

Genre: Demon Hunter AU, Action, Romance, Enemies to Lovers, Japanese Feudal Era

Warning(s): Contains Violence & Blood (Semi to Graphic Depictions)

Words: 11.7k

Summary: Demons: man-eating, murderous monsters who would kill anyone for the blood of humans: be it man, woman or child. They have no need for comrades. Known cannibalize and kill other demons if they so choose. Demon Hunters are tasked with eliminating any and all demons without question, but what would come to pass if they were told that a demon saved a human life? Views, values and relations become altered and absolutely nothing seemed human anymore. Never sharpen a blade too much, lest you become the wounded.

Series Index | i. demon

a/n: you would not believe how long it took me to edit this (and I'm sure there’s still errors RIP) Kudos to my gf who were on discord the entire time while I complained about proofreading LOL. However! Here is the second installment of Kitsune! I’m pretty happy with how it turned out and please please please tell me how you felt about this chapter!!! Feedback is key folks *clicks tongue*

t.list: @kathrynwynterbourne @tiredjedi @kaekae-93 @multycoloredtaco @sunshinechim-98 @baojinnie @perpetually-single @lexi-tries-art @fallingjungwoo

It’s been a year since Hoseok had brought you- a demon- back to the home of his superior Lord Fuuta. In that year he has also not once come back to that manor. He never knew what became of you, or of that old man who was on his deathbed; in fact, he pushed you both so far back into his mind he had forgotten after so long. He wasn’t aware of Taehyung’s actions or assignments. The only words he exchanged with his lord were short messages of demons that plagued areas that came to him on the talons of crows acting as messengers.

It was the dead of winter once again in Japan. Hoseok had hardly changed when it came to his mindset and his all-around opinions. Physically, his hair had grown enough for his dark bangs to brush annoyingly in front of his eyes. With traveling and battling being his day-to-day occurrences, he began to grow more fit as time passed. Still wearing his keikogi and crimson haori. His eyes also withstood the trial of time; remaining as cold as they did for as long as others could remember.

He was currently sat at a small stand selling fresh dango and tea. Pulling one of the three dumplings off the wooden skewer, he ate silently at the bar on a wooden stool. A clay, green painted mug of steaming tea sat to the right of his small saucer- the warmth of the beverage chasing away the winter cold.

The stand itself was a small one- hardly the capacity for the treats to be made behind the countertop and just big enough to squeeze in four stools- making a successful business a hardship. It was located in the middle of a busy city street. The city he was located in was far busier than any he had come across in the region alone.

Buildings that varied from small to large with at least four stories to them. All strung with lanterns and candle lights every which direction to light up the bustling, frozen, dirt roads. Travelers trotting through the city on horseback. Women in loose yukatas- despite the freezing weather- to tempt men and women alike into the brothel in which they were employed. Shops and stands of all sorts; from foods to antiques that were filled with items that were more than obviously fake; sellers only looking for a pretty penny for worthless trash.

Scamming was a whole trade in itself these days it seemed.

Fabric shops, sit down places for dining, tea houses, smiths and weapon trades, even sexual desire personified existed in the city- if you look for the right part of the city that is. The city was filled with any one person’s wants and needs if you knew just the right places to look for them.

Hoseok hated cities.

He hated how his senses dulled because of the constant noise and movement around him. He had to always be on edge because even big ‘safe’ cities like this one were exactly the place where all the right things start going wrong. Population does not equate to safety; a fact that most people ignore like fools.

If he had it his way, he would already be long gone. However, Fuuta had contacted him via his ever-familiar crow and requested Hoseok to come to this city in the first place as well as a stay until further notice. Fuuta even prepared Hoseok room and board in an inn that was acquainted with the lord.

Fuuta never explained why Hoseok was to come here and sit on his rear end in a waiting game with no visible end in sight. He angrily bit and pull off his second dumpling off the skewer at the idea that this could have been an ‘order’ for Hoseok to relax from fighting. Hoseok wasn’t one to care for himself- pushing himself over and over with injury or illness. Some might say he was devoted to his work, others- more specifically Fuuta and Taehyung- called him a reckless idiot for never knowing when to stop.

Taehyung used to often reprimand him for pushing his limits constantly. Beating him to a bloody pulp in training and literally trying to beat into his head some sense. It never worked, however. Hoseok wasn’t always so stubborn, but after an event that sent him reeling inwards in trauma, he’s changed drastically.

Finishing the third dumpling of his last skewer, he sipped down the rest of his tea. Standing and ruffling out his haori to let it lay on his back with ease as he placed down yen coins as payment for the small snack os sweets. Slightly raising the short Noren hanging on the low ceiling of the stand with the back of his hand, he left the stand behind him and headed out into the busy streets.

It was frosty out, but no snow was coated on the ground nor was it fluttering down from the sky. Breath chilled in clouds and the frozen dirt crunched under the straw waraji of Hoseok’s. Ice formed in puddles of discarded water that was thrown out from shops and merchants- begging for a child to run in a playful frenzy and fall on the trackless trap. This winter wasn’t nearly as harsh as the previous had been with nearly constantly snowfall. However, that could always change.

Hoseok walked, weaving pass and through the tresses of people. Holding his swords at his hip, pulling the hilts of them up towards his stomach to straighten how they sat on his side- allowing the tail ends of the scabbards to avoid unnecessarily whacking into anyone. Any accidental confrontation with humans didn’t interest him; picking fights with people just wasn’t his thing.

Finding his way and walking into the aged inn he had been staying, he strode through the entrance and down the halls, up to the set of wooden stairs to the second floor. The only other floor beside the ground level the inn had. Heading down the hall he recognized the room he was provided with days prior. Pulling the key to the room from his neck that he kept looped on a chain and slotting it into the door, he entered.

Shutting himself inside, he was met with his room and an open window that most definitely wasn’t open when he left. Someone, or something, must be in the space with him hiding in the shadows and doing a damn good job of it.

Keeping his back straight as he walked further into the room with slow steps, he stopped in the center. Keeping his movements calm, he moved his arm across his torso to grip the hilt of the one sword he always drew. Holding the top of the scabbard with the opposite hand, he extended his thumb to click the blade out only an inch. He slowed his breathing- now stuck in a game of patience. The air buzzing in silence as he strained to hear something- anything to alert him.

Springing from the dark shadow of his room directly below the window, someone charged at him. Hoseok gasped, hissing through his teeth lightly at the speed of the attack. He wasn’t even able to draw his sword, the perpetrator’s hand clamping down over his own- pushing the blade back into its scabbard. Grabbing Hoseok’s keikogi at the shoulder with one hand, the other keeping his sword sheathed they began to overpower the hunter.

Overwhelming Hoseok as they took steps forward, they backed him into a corner. The mystery figure was cloaked in dark all around and a mask hid their face. Their hair was as dark as their clothes. Only their eyes remained visible as the dim light that leaked inside reflected off them. Hoseok’s back was pushed against the wall, the attacker’s leg hiking to push the ball of his foot into the tail ends of the scabbards and closing the distance between the two to avoid any chance of Hoseok drawing.

Moving the hand that once held Hoseok’s shoulder, they moved to grip his shoulder and quickly stepped back and knelt a fraction. Twisting around, they pulled on Hoseok’s collar so his chest slammed into the attacker’s shoulder before Hoseok was being flipped over their body and his back slamming into the room floor. Hoseok sputtering in gasps as the attacker then climbed onto his chest and pressed a knife above the hunter’s eyes.

A knife Hoseok recognized.

He let out a breath somewhere between the lines of a gasp and a choke when his body relaxed. He coughed lightly when the attacker also began to relax. Lifting their knife away from Hoseok’s face and moved to squat above his chest rather than pinning him down. Twirling the weapon before sheathing it in its small sheath on their back. They chuckled above him, pulling their mask down, letting the black fabric rest around their neck.

“You really are a pain in my ass,” Hoseok grumbled, finally gaining back his voice after the previous assault upon him. “What the hell was that for, Taehyung?”

The light outside shone off of Taehyung’s face. His hair had grown far longer than the year of last, resting between his shoulder blades, twisted in a braid that threatened to unravel. Face squaring out into a more mature one of a young man. His birthday running around in the winter season, much like he always seemed to be when the two meet.

The younger man stood before stepped over and off Hoseok completely, leaving him to finally sit up and rotated around his shoulder and rub at his chest where Taehyung’s shoulder slammed into him. He winced in slight pain and major annoyance. Taehyung had moved to light the lantern hanging in the middle of the ceiling before sitting himself down in a cross-legged fashion.

It was odd to see Taehyung in his gear, but no armor. His completely black yoroi hitatare gear and extremely fine waraji looked empty without the cover of his armor. From a sarashi belt to his yugake gloves- all was there as he sat like he didn’t completely jump his lower-ranked ally only a few moments ago.

“Lord Fuuta will be holding a meeting with the main leaders of each branch soon,” Taehyung started out of nowhere. “He wishes to hold it in this city and asks that you attend.”

Hoseok looked at Taehyung with wide, incredulous eyes. He slightly shook his head, running the samurai’s words over and over in his head to make sure he was completely taking in and understanding the meaning of each word he said. Taehyung’s friendly look in his eyes faded as they steeled into that of Hoseok’s superior- a line he can cross between with ease.

“The meeting will be held in three days, allowing the remaining leaders to find their way to the meeting location. In that time, I shall have a messenger sent for you to lead you there as well.” Taehyung closed his eyes, lifting his lips in a minute quirk. “However, the choice in which you want to follow that messenger is all yours. Fuuta requests you there, but it is no order.”

Hoseok was skeptical about the situation purposed towards him. “If there is no order, why the personal confrontation about the matter.” It wasn’t a question he spoke towards his comrade. More of a stern accusation of something that may be laying under the surface of his words.

Taehyung just chuckled inwardly to himself. Pushing himself up off the floor to stand, he looked down the line of his nose at Hoseok still sat in front of him. He walked to the wooden door opening it a fraction before looking back over his shoulder to the hunter.

“Isn’t it better to have news spread face to face with whom it may concern? Especially since we’re already in the same vicinity to begin with.” He opened the door to leave but briefly paused on the threshold. “Oh, plus,” he started again. Voice jumping in a care-free manner with any tone of superiority vanishing. “It will always be entertaining to tease you,” he snidely finishes. Ducking out of the room before Hoseok could react- likely in a violent manner. Left in his solitude, Hoseok sighed.

His brows furrowed in thought. He wondered if he should really attend the meeting if that’s truly what Fuuta requested. Or if he should just leave the city and deny the audience of leaders his presence.

“What reason would they have to summon me in the first place?” He spits in what is best described as curiosity cloaked in anxiety. Coming off in a cold, nearly spiteful sounding, tone.

It was the dawn of the third day since Taehyung had come to Hoseok. The meeting gnawing at the back of his mind like an itching wound. He fought back and forth on if he should truly attend or not.

On one hand, Fuuta did request Hoseok to attend and he was curious about who the current leaders were- aside form Taehyung of course. On the other, he had no purpose there as a lower-ranked hunter among them. It’s not as if he is bound by the order to go- Taehyung said so himself. The choice was up to Hoseok, no other. Both options fought like rams stuck in horn lock.

Hoseok lay restless in his futon in the same room that has been that of a cell to him recently. His distaste for cities didn’t warrant him any desire to leave the inn unless necessary. Dressed in a kimono provided from the inn staff, a white and grey striped piece with a grey sash, he lay utterly bored. Staring up at the ceiling and unlit lantern hanging above him. One arm behind his head, the other placed on his chest. Futon covers pushed down to his stomach. The first dim signs of daylight began painting the winter sky orange.

It seemed to look like another day of cold breezes and yet still no snow. Winter was always a bland season, even covered in white everywhere one looked. However, the lack of snow made the cold stripped environment seem worthless. Snow brought a sense of beauty to the naked, dead-natured world at least. It was just another ugly dystopia without a blanket of white to cover it all.

His attention was ripped away when his window- that was closed- began to lightly rattle. Ignoring it, he only figured it was the morning wind washing over the city in its cold breaths. His patience was always at a low in the mornings. The constant window-rattling that seemed to only increase in noise also seemed to rattle away at the already scarce patience he did possess. Sitting up in his futon, he looked at the offending window.

Looking past the glass, he contorted his face in a look of private confusion. The bare limbs he could see outside didn’t sway at all, indicating the lack of any wind whatsoever. It wasn’t blowing. Was something else doing it, or was he simply hallucination from being inside this tiny room day after day with his push and pull thoughts.

Pulling his legs from the futon covers, he slid out of its warmth and knelt to his knee to lift his sights higher. He could see nothing outside his window, yet the shaking glass was constant. He began walking cautiously towards it.

Hoseok could see the glass shake in the frame when close enough to observe it. Lightly touching it, the cold glass rattled against his fingertips. His brow furrowed deeper trying to think of why it would be shaking so violently. Looking around outside the trim on the small ledge, perhaps a critter hand been knocking into it. However, no animal was seen.

Grabbing the frame, he began to slide it open. Pulling the window slowly to his left inching it along. Moving slowly as to not startle what may- or may not- be at his window. The cold sailed in like a smooth brushstroke, seeping into the warm room by the vacuum of the window opening- cold eating away at warm. The chill traveled throughout Hoseok’s exposed chest snaking down his skin like a winter wind snake. Silence and cold were all that sat beyond his window outside.

No breeze. No early morning mutter. No animals chirping. Just silence. Eerie to the human ear and unsettling peaceful to the hunter’s mind.

The window was fully open now and with the window being open, the rattling ceased. He let out a breath at the silence. Standing fully upon his feet, he dropped his guard at the halt of annoyance from the glass.

Just as his shoulders slacked down, something lept over the outside of his window railing. Coming out of nowhere it lept inside, landing on Hoseok’s chest with four paws planting on his skin. Pushing into him with enough force to knock him off his feet, he stumbled onto his rear before hitting the floor with his back. With a heavy thud, he momentarily felt apologetic to whoever may be beneath his room.

Laying breathless half on his futon, the four paws on his chest jumped off of him with more force he didn’t exactly welcome. Wincing, he pushed himself to twist at the waist to sit up on his left side. Supporting himself upon his left forearm and elbow digging into the floor, he held his chest with his opposite hand, lightly gasping back the breath stolen from him.

Looking at what just pounced at him unnecessarily his eyes widened seeing a fox in his room with him. It wasn't a regular fox either.

Two twin tails swayed at its backside. The pure white coat of fur with red decorating its forehead and tail tips in nearly flawless spirals. Its paws licked with minuscule flames of blue that did not spread or did the flames burn Hoseok’s skin when it touched him only moments ago. Eyes of gold piercing- nearly glaring- at him. The fox was no bigger than the average work dog. Hitting Hoseok at least at his knees in height.

Despite its size, the intimidating aura buzzing off the demon fox would make anyone be on their toes in anticipation of an attack or any sort of quick, uncalled for action.

Of course, his weapons lay behind the fox. Leant up against the wall, cut off from his reach. Hoseok cursed under his breath. If this fox were to pounce again, Hoseok would have to depend on brute strength and quick thinking maneuvering to claim his swords.

However, the fox did not move into any further advancing positions. Instead, it just sat down. Ears twitching and tails swaying, it simply sat and observed Hoseok. Hoseok also observed back, not daring to move yet. Caught in a deadlock of eye contact, no party moved a muscle until the fox got back up onto its paws and trotted to the wall were his haori hung. Turning it’s back to the wall to once again face Hoseok, it sat below the haori.

Hoseok’s brow rose in an inquiry. The fox only continued to stare once again. The way its tails whipped seemed like a gesture of invitation for Hoseok to change into it.

“My haori,” he started speaking in a whisper. Watching the foxes ears twitch. “Put it on?” To his utmost shock, the fox bowed its head in a single nod at his question to which he was not expecting an answer to. Though it wasn’t so unusual as the fox was demonic- it wasn’t like a normal wild animal. “Okay,” he breathed out in a long, low syllable.

Slowly maneuvering around his room, he began to change. Discarding his kimono and changing into his keikogi, pulling his haori of crimson over his shoulders. Tying his obi sash around his waist, he pulled his waraji over his tabi socks and slipped his swords onto his hips. Dressed just as any other day that has passed or that may be yet to come.

The fox had moved from where the crimson haori once hung back to the open window. Tails still waving past one another and gaze almost hypnotic when Hoseok resumed eye contact. Hoseok turned to look at the fox with narrow eyes. He never thought he’d be unintentionally following the orders of a demon fox. He scoffed lowly at himself. Stopping close to the fox in the window, it soon turned and jumped back outside.

Looking out, Hoseok saw it sitting on a wall of stone just below the window ledge- only a leap width away. Looking back at him in a silent way of instructing him to follow behind. He had no reason to oblige this fox; however, had no reason to deny it either.

Hopping from his window to the same wall the fox adorned, Hoseok followed.

Climbing walls, rushing through alleys and hardly seeing a soul in the extremely early hour, Hoseok scowled. He half-believed this demon fox was just leading him around for a lark- as foxes are more than a bit mischievous in bare nature. Not to mention each time it looked back at him over its fur-coated shoulder, Hoseok swore it sent glares directed at him instead of confirmation he was still trailing on its tail.

This fox was nagging on his nerves; that he was certain of.

He wasn’t sure why he didn’t just get rid of the fox in the first place. It was a demon after all, but just the thought of killing it put a bad taste in his mouth. The line between what is animal and what is demon blurred- which has never happened to Hoseok before. He knew what he followed was without a doubt demon and it irritated him.

Following blindly, Hoseok wasn’t even paying attention to his surroundings anymore. Reacting purely on instinct and reflex as he kept his eyes on the foxes back. Soon, it stopped running before halting and jumping directly upward. It’s back in front of his eyes before he halted as well. Looking up, the fox now sat up on top of a tree limb. Stretching and dragging its claws on the bark just barely before relaxing again and looking down to the annoyed hunter and his furrowed brow.

The air change around him seemed to finally alert Hoseok that he just moved to a whole new location. Gasping inwardly he averted his sights down and his eyes widened. It was like he was in a whole new place out of the city; even the scenery wasn’t that of the winter season. The weather was warmer too. He looked around.

Trees of wisteria surrounded the compound he was brought to. The compound was elevated above the ground of stone and lush greenery like winter hadn’t touched it in a long, long time. Much like that of the home of his lord with summer chimes ringing lightly with the breeze that wafted over the estate. The smell of wisteria flowers that bloomed in purple surrounded everything.

Moving his attention back to the fox, he saw it glaring down at him.

“Where did you take me you damned fox?!” Glaring down at him further, the fox got up from it’s sitting position and hissed at him. Ready to jump down from its tree limb to pounce on his chest again after accomplishing its task of bringing Hoseok to this location. Its body stopped it’s future violent charge when it sensed someone walk onto the wooden railing porch of the compound.

“That is enough, girl,” a familiar voice spoke. “Come on back here now.” The fox stopped it’s glaring at Hoseok, turned towards the compound and jumped from the tree. Bounding the distance from the limb to the wooden railing, it landed with grace as a hand reached out to pet at its head. Relishing under the touch.

Hoseok looked at the person who spoke and shook his head in small swivels before pushing the ball of his hand against his forehead. Looking at Taehyung call, command and even show affection to a demon fox flabbergasting him to an extreme. Taehyung just laughed at him as the fox looked back at Hoseok, no longer glaring- but examining.

“What is that face? I told you I’d send a messenger in three days.”

“You didn’t tell me the ‘messenger’ was going to be a demon!” Hoseok countered with a spiked fury, stunned Taehyung was loitering around a demon in the first place. The fox’s ears bent back in agitation before they folded back in relaxation again when Taehyung placed his hand back on its head.

“I didn’t need to. Besides, what does it matter? You followed her regardless of her demonic nature instead of attacking her. I knew if she returned alone, you wouldn’t attend.”

“I could’ve killed that fox, you realize that right,” Hoseok deadpanned. Taehyung scoffed, patting the fox once more before folding his arms inside the kimono he spared. His hair unbraided and resting on his shoulders and back.

“She’s nimble and crafty. The most you could’ve done to her is graze her fur. She would’ve been fine if you lashed out violently. I have the utmost faith in her.” Hoseok gapped at the confidence Taehyung boasted towards the small fox in front of them. Taehyung looked down to said fox. “Go head on inside. We’ll call for you later, alright?” The fox looked at him and nodded one low bow before jumping off the railing and running behind the samurai inside the estate.

Hoseok shook off his shock before he sighed. “Where did that thing bring me, Taehyung?” Hoseok still not sure exactly where he was. Too much happening far too early and too quickly for his brain to catch up completely.

Taehyung smiled before he started to head back inside, only stopping to invite Hoseok inside with him. Hoseok followed behind him, both men silent despite having tons of topics to talk about. Hoseok only kept a cautious eye on his long-time friend as Taehyung kept a small smile on his face the entire time he weaved through the compound.

“This is like Lord Fuuta’s home,” Hoseok spoke to himself.

“It isn’t wrong to think that,” Taehyung replied to him. “It is one of his private locations. It’s hidden by a barrier, keeping it warm like spring. He comes here often when his health warrants it.”

A barrier. Hoseok nodded. It made sense- it would explain why it was so warm here and why the flowers and greenery blossomed so excellently. Stuck in the bloom of spring- it was a nice time of year to stop the flow of time. Hoseok’s eyes widened, becoming aware of something.

“Taehyung, is Lord Fuuta here?” Taehyung just stopped in front of a shoji door, constant chattering behind it. “Taehyung?”

Taehyung just slid open the door and walked inside, Hoseok following at his shoulder. Inside was a group of six people. Among them, Fuuta sat in his ever-constant glory. He smiled warmly when his eyes set on Hoseok.

“Hoseok, I’m delighted you decided to come.” Hoseok just raised his brow, narrowing his eyes in confusion. Fuuta just shook his head slightly with a small smile. “Taehyung, you neglected to inform him, didn’t you.”

“I can’t help it, my Lord. It’s far too fun to tease him,” Taehyung sung cheerily. If not in the presence of his lord, Hoseok would’ve clobbered Taehyung over his head for the comment. Taehyung turned to his friend he had continued to string along- although he wasn’t fully to blame. “Hoseok follows me without question anyhow. It makes it easy,” he teased. Hoseok was glad he learned self-restraint years ago.

Taehyung left his friend’s side, moving to take his place at a table sat in the middle of the room. Sliding into a zaitsu chair among the other six; however, there was still one open chair left.

Fuuta moved to stand, the other’s coming to a stand with their lord in respect.

“Welcome to the leader meeting of Demon Hunters, Hoseok. Please, take a seat next to Taehyung if you would.”

Hoseok stood dumbly still among the meeting. Fuuta and Taehyung being the only two faces he recognized. The other five were completely new to him. He froze being put into an environment with so many strangers with gazes focused solely on him- the outsider.

“Are you deaf, boy?!” Hoseok jumped when out of the stagnant silence a gruff voice boomed at him. Yelling in a belittling tone towards the hunter. The tacted on ‘boy’ referring to himself made his brow tick down in a pulse of annoyance. Looking, it was a monk who was now glaring at Hoseok who had raised his voice.

Even when sat down in his chair, the man was a massive specimen. Broad shoulders with excessively muscular definitions that pushed along his body and made the kimono covering him look pathetic in its own threaded fabric patterns; his kashaya over his shoulder a golden shade. The monk was bald with eyebrows condensed to the point there were only two small ovals above the inner corners of his eyes. Carrying a staff with him- it being tucked under his elbow as he sat- it was iron made with a jewel fused onto the circular top.

Hoseok suspected this particular monk happened to be nastier than a man among men who people would seek openly.

“Well?!” He shouted again. Hoseok caught a few other leaders rolling their eyes. “Are you ignoring our Lord, or will you do as your told and sit, boy?!”

“You’ll scare him away yelling like a mad man, Bunji,” the only female attendee spoke in a diversely calm tone. Her voice leagues below the loud echo of the monk- addressed now as Bunji. Hoseok wondered if he spelled his name with the kanji characters meaning child or govern, seeing as he wasn’t anything childlike- the chance of irony almost made his lips quirk.

The woman who addressed the monk was shot a warning look by him. She sat calmly, eyes closed and posture straight as Bunji’s staff. Dressed in armor much like Taehyung’s, only fitting more to her feminine body. Armor fitting and curving her breast as she sat on the left side of Taehyung. She was obviously the female counterpart to the male samurai sat next to her across the table from the monk.

Bunji slammed his large, rock palm on the tables wooden surface in a fit. Absolutely no reaction came from anyone aside from Hoseok who still stood at the door. Rowdy and obnoxious behavior must be the normal- odd to see coming from a monk. So much for spiritual ease and relaxation such as meditation.

“If an outsider is frightened off, so be it! Such a low-ranked soldier should not be present!”

“He is here under Lord Fuuta’s request,” snapped the small, nimble man dressed fully in black beside Bunji. Jet black hair, sitting with his arms and legs crossed. “Do not object to our Lord’s wishes.”

Bunji seethed as another gentleman in simple kimono garbs spoke towards Taehyung down the table.

“Shouldn’t you speak up?”

“I won’t,” Taehyung replied. “Anything I say will sound like favoritism since I know Hoseok personally. I’ll abstain from any comments regarding him.”

“That is a very wise and mature decision, Master Taehyung!” Bunji shot off in a tone completely new. His condemning demeanor vanishing and being replaced with one of pure agreement when shot at Taehyung. The switch of his attitude nearly giving Hoseok major whiplash.

Hoseok spun in confusion- hypothetically speaking of course.

A few claps from the head of the table and Fuuta calmed all present bodies. Lowering his arms back down to the table, he smiled his normal, calm smile he seemed to always have painted on his face.

“Please do not allow Hoseok’s presence to hinder the tasked meeting at hand. Proceed just as usual if you would.” All were quiet as they silently agreed, no one disagreeing with their Lord. The once chaotically charged room simmered down as Hoseok finally made his way to Taehyung’s right. Sitting in front of the black-clad, small fellow and now missing the condescending look shot at him from the monk diagonally across from him.

In a few moments of silence, attention was shifted and gathered as the meeting finally began. Hoseok was clearly out of the loop, not comprehending most topics covered. From field reports to medical updates and deceased count. He winced when he heard how many of his fellow Demon Hunters have died since the last meeting held- whenever that may have been.

Once all regulated discussions were ruled out, Fuuta dismissed the meeting- only temporarily, however. He asked that the group of 6- Hoseok included- come to the small, miniature shrine and torii he had erected at the rear of the compound. Claiming he had something to show and discuss with them all.

Taehyung seemed to be the only body without a puzzled expression as to why and Hoseok could tell from the minuscule smirk he bit back that he knew what would be waiting there- what the thing is Fuuta wants to discuss is. His attitude did seem altered, even a few days ago when he snuck up on Hoseok- something hid under his task of ‘just inviting’ him.

Once dismissed with Fuuta leaving first, Bunji was quick to catch Taehyung before he left as well. Hoseok at his back as per usual.

“Master Taehyung, might I speak with you?!” Yet more loud respect drawing out of the burly man's mouth directed only at Taehyung.

“Perhaps later, Bunji. I have other matters to attend to now.” Taehyung shot him down without a breath of hesitation. However, the massive monk was not at all pressed by the blatant rejection.

“Of course! Excuse me then!” As quickly as he flocked to Taehyung’s side, he left. Hoseok moved to stand beside his friend now.

“What is with all the ‘Master’ titling?” Hoseok bit in attitude.

Taehyung shrugged. “I haven’t a clue, but he’s called me that since he met me. Perhaps it’s because I’m ranked above him in terms of skill. Or, maybe he simply knows how to respect a man as handsome as myself.”

“Oh, please. Could you be any more humble?” Hoseok rolled his eyes as Taehyung chuckled to himself, leaving the meeting room and remaining leaders behind. Hoseok took the time to finally ask who each leader was and what they command. Taehyung hushed his curiosities until the two had moved to the private silence of his quarters- a fresh cup of warm tea in Taehyung’s palm.

“Curious about the others? You have every reason to be I suppose,” Taehyung chuckled. “Then, listen carefully, Hoseok.” Hoseok nodded, sitting with Taehyung on the cushions he had placed on the floor- finally beginning to introduce each leader.

First, was the monk Bunji- leading in spiritual expertise. An expert when it came to exceedingly advanced and potent mantras for demon extermination. Skilled with his jeweled staff for exorcisms and many sutras kept in the chest of his kimono as his weapons for battle. Though his stature is intimidating and larger- when pushed into physical combat, be it with a demon or otherwise, he was not so skilled. Out of the five leaders, he was ranked the fourth; as well as the newest leader welcomed into the fold- the previous priest dying overseas.

Next, was the only female member among the mass of men. The onna-musha, or female warrior, called Kaori. Descending from nobility, she fights alongside men and has clawed her path up by annihilating any competition that stood in her way; beating men who snubbed or doubted her strength into submission to secure a path of future loyalty. A fierce, nimble and talent-flexible woman, she was a force to be reckoned with. Respecting Taehyung as her senior and male counterpart, she self-proclaimed she will one day surpass him and be the top swordmaster; not just second best. Ranked third among the other five.

Then, there was the bluntly rude and cold shoulder of the ninja leader. Almost always seen covered head to toe in his official garbs of pitch-black combat, he believed his work never halts and was prepared for any outcome that may lurch his way. Constantly on guard and doesn’t seem to have a joking bone in his body. His calm and analyzing demeanor deemed him a practical genius in the field. He often clashed with Bunji and his boisterous attitude. His name was Takaki. Ranked first and head of his comrades. The best candidate for the overall leader after Fuuta; however, he’s expressed adamantly he does not wish for the responsibility and declined the position offered.

Ranked the fifth of the leaders for his lack of physical strength and combat skills was Tsutsui. An expert on anything medicine and poison. He was responsible for treatment locations as well as keeping the tally of those that have fallen. An entire mass unit of medically trained men and women is what he oversaw as he kept the conditions of any and all hunters filed away- even Hoseok’s. His role among his peers was absolutely vital and without him, more hunters would lose their lives. However weak he may seem, if pushed into a corner- his extensive knowledge of potent toxins and poison he creates could gain him an upper hand in battle as well as an opening to escape.

Finally, was Taehyung himself. The top samurai and swordmaster among them and ranked second of five. With Takaki’s refusal of Fuuta’s position as the head leader later in life, Taehyung was to be his new successor. When Hoseok learned that he was shocked. He knew Taehyung was strong, but not so strong he was Fuuta’s protégé. It made the gap between them feel wider than the mouth of the greatest canyon Hoseok knew of.

Taehyung took the last sip of his tea, concluding the leaders’ introductions to Hoseok. “Does that answer any questions you may have had about their identities?”

“I… suppose. I still do not admire that monk, However.”

Taehyung laughed. “Yes, well, Bunji leaves that impression on nearly any new face he comes across. You do not need to be friends, but he is technically one of your superiors. Grit your teeth and at least try and co-exist with him.” Hoseok scoffed as Taehyung set his clay mug aside, moving to stand and pat down his wrinkled kimono. “Speaking of co-existing, let us take to the back shrine. Lord Fuuta is waiting.” Hoseok only nodded unsurely, standing and striding in time to Taehyung’s steps.

His mind buzzing at what could be waiting for him- and the other leaders- at the shrine at the rear of the compound.

When Taehyung and Hoseok arrived, only Takaki and Kaori were present. Kaori offering a prayer at the miniature shrine as the two men arrived under the small torii gate. Soon after, the remaining two leaders appeared- Bunji being apologetic in the loudest way possible only towards Taehyung for arriving late; or rather, arriving later than Taehyung did. Hoseok still inwardly curling at his obnoxiously loud boasting.

Then, their lord arrived- his wife by his side. Shiro carried with her a folded parasol clearly designed and crafted from the continent. Brilliant red with flowers painted on the bamboo arms and handle. Those present lowered their heads to the two of them. Some drawn speechless at Shiro’s presence such as Bunji who had never properly met her before and only heard of her from Fuuta.

Taehyung was the first to lift his head and move towards the two, walking to stand at Shiro’s opposite side and taking the parasol from her, opening it to shield her head from the sun. Unknown to the others, Taehyung had been with the couple a vast majority of the last year. Growing close to both as he trained and prepared with Fuuta more each day to one day succeed him. All was still as they stood among the wisteria- until the breeze shifted.

With a shifting wind, a blue fire ignited along the ground; circling the group of leaders- excluding Taehyung- and Hoseok. The trio of Fuuta, Shiro, and Taehyung standing calm and safely outside the flames as they had absolutely no reaction to its appearance as opposed to the initial panic from those inside. The flames rose high, licking at the tree limbs in height and keeping everyone inside; trapped in a fiery cage.

Instinct drove everyone as they immediately took to their weapons. Staff ready, stances rigid, swords and knives were drawn from scabbards and sheaths. Multiple eyes scanned the fire surrounding them before something sprung from the flames. A human-shaped demon leaping straight from the aqua flames, those same flames coating its entire body like armor. It’s heels connecting harshly with the largest target’s chest- Bunji’s.

The force making the monk stumble backward, the demon came to a near kneel on his chest before pushing off of him, flinging themselves back into the area of the rest. Kaori was the first to act- deciding that since the demon was small in stature, she would be the best physical match.

With each strike Kaori offered the demon evaded. Bending back and ducking below horizontal slashes and rolling out of the way of vertical strikes. Rolling around to Kaori’s back, the demon took to the ground like an animal before harshly slamming their palm into her ankle- kicking it harshly out from under her. Stuck between a fall to the ground and a step to save her fall, the demon shoved Kaori under her shoulder blades and pushed her out and through the flames.

Covered in a shroud of its own fire, the demon turned back to the remaining men inside its fiery trap. Bunji, still holding his chest from the demon’s initial action of spring-boarding off him, acting next in a fit of hurt pride.

Moving his hand from rest on his chest, he slipped it into his kashaya. Throwing sutra charms at the demon he drew from his wardrobe, the demon moved to burn them before they could touch its body. Manipulating the flames around its body like flexible armor. Getting nowhere with his charms, and throwing his lack of expertise when challenging someone much more nimble than he aside, he charged and began swinging with his jeweled staff. Just as with Kaori, the demon evaded- in fact with Bunji’s slower time the chance to evade and strike was fruitful. Taking each evasion and adding a tap to his body and moving around him, he soon found himself immobilized.

Frozen like a statue as he staggered to his knees- body paralyzed from the taps to his pressure points. Pushing their chest to the ground, a tail of flame pushed under Bunji’s chest and lifted him up and over the wall of flames, throwing him cleanly out.

Sadly, Tsutsui was absolutely no help in a short-handed, up-close fight with nothing he could use on his person as a defense. The demon was easily able to rid him of the battle circle by simply taking hold of his arm, levering it over its shoulder and tossing him outside with enough force to knock him into Bunji’s still immobilized body outside.

The demon screeched when something pierced through its flame-like armor and punctured its shoulder. The fire around its body seemed to diminish just enough as the sai that was sticking out of its shoulder burned in the flames. The demon seethed as it turned to Takaki, standing with one of his two sai’s in hand- the other lodged in the demon's shoulder.

Charging at the ninja, the two moved as if engaged in a dance. Flames swirling around the two as Takaki evades just as well as the demon did. Missed strikes, tumbles, and rolls, jumping and leaping to and away from the fire of azure. It was a standstill until Takaki managed to get behind the demon and take hold of his lost sai, ripping it out of the demon’s shoulder. Another ear-piercing scream before it’s attention was forced off of Takaki and onto Hoseok.

Sprinting away from its previous opponent, it shoved it’s shoulder into Hoseok’s chest, knocking his sword out of his hand, the second one of his being ripped from his side and tossed across the ground away from the action- still held in its sheath. Hoseok eyed his own blade’s metal laying above his head as he was shoved to the ground. The second one was no use- even if he was closer to it, he would not draw it into battle.

The demon pinned him as Hoseok held its wrists. Hovering claws of fire singed his hair as the heat pulsed into his nostrils and burned his lungs as he breathed. The demon was stronger than most men he sparred with. The fire of the demon's armor rippled and something akin to familiarization shot through Hoseok. Clenching his teeth, he pulled his legs up between the two, wrapped them around the demon's midsection- burning his keikogi in the process- and twisted his hips to push the demon sideways into a downwards roll. Allowing Hoseok to control the momentum to turn the tables and effectively pen the demon down in his previous place. The flames becoming diminished by the dirt below, Hoseok looked at the face of the demon recognizing it.

“You are-”

“That’s more than enough,” Fuuta’s calm voice sounded behind Hoseok. When Hoseok turned his head, the fire was gone and it was peaceful at the shrine once again. As if the circle of fire was never there to begin with. Looking around, Bunji was being treated by Tsutsui to get him moving again and Kaori was dusting herself off and rotating her ankle that was harshly palmed earlier on. Takaki was sheathing his sais as Taehyung stood at his side- assuring him danger wasn’t around anymore. Fuuta and Shiro stood directly behind Hoseok who still pinned the demon- much less on fire- down.

Looking down, Hoseok saw the face of the demon who had been on the attack. The flame armor vanished, and beneath it all sat a simple, almost human-looking demon. Small red tattoos run to a point along the curve of her cheeks and she was dressed just like Shiro- only her kosode of white was paired with a Hakan of royal blue as opposed to Shiro’s red Hakan. Hair a mess beneath her pinned state as Hoseok glared at her fox golden eyes.

“You’re that demon from a year ago,” he muttered more to himself than to you. Hoseok was soon shoved off of you, as you brought your leg up and slammed your heel into his gut, extending your leg to throw him clear off you, landing in a puff of dirt dust. Groaning he moved to sit, rubbing his head as Taehyung was soon beside him, offering him a hand up and both of his swords back to him.

The group watched as Shiro knelt to your side, sitting you up and pulling your Hakan loose just enough to inspect the damage inflicted on your shoulder from Takaki’s sai earlier. The wound seeped steam and small rolls of blood that stained your kosode. Fuuta- pulling a cloth from his kimono- handed it to Shiro to press along your shoulder. You hissed when her cloth-covered palm pushed into your flesh.

“It is nothing serious,” Shiro told you softly. You only kept quiet and sat still.

“My Lord,” Fuuta turned when called by Takaki and his harsh voice. “I’d like to know the situation, if I may be so bold to ask.” The edge in the ninja’s voice certainly wasn’t one of inquiry, but sharp agitation instead.

“Of course,” the lord smiled with a small breath. “I was not planning to keep this a secret from you all.” Fuuta turned to Shiro. “Take her inside for a change of clothing. She’s covered in blood, dear.” Shiro nodded as she took your arm, gently lifting you to your feet. Some leaders still stood rigid at you on your feet.

Shiro began leading you inside as Bunji finally managing to speak- his voice previously locked with his body. “Should we allow Lady Shiro to be alone with that demon?!” His voice rough in his attempt to gather his previously lost breath.

“Do not be ridiculous, Bunji,” Taehyung started. “That demon is practically harmless,” he spoke calmly, his arms tucked into his sleeves. Hoseok stood beside his smirking friend as Fuuta agreed with his protege.

“It is true. Y/n poses no threat to Shiro, nor I or Taehyung. In fact, she isn’t a threat to anyone here, so rest assured.”

“That cannot be so. She just attacked us, My Lord. She is plenty harmful,” countered Takaki- still enraged from the single demon ambush.

“She acted purely on my instruction. She was told not to permanently harm and did as she was told, she did not.”

“You offered more harm than anyone else did, Takaki,” Taehyung countered.

“I only did as I’ve been trained to do.”

“Do not get swept up in an argument,” Fuuta warned. “Allow me to explain further. Come, children. Let’s return inside.” Fuuta headed back to the compound, the rest following with a breath of hesitation. Hoseok stood frozen in pure confusion as Taehyung tapped at his shoulder. Ushering the hunter to follow- any questions he had would be answered.

Fuuta had once again gathered his leaders and Hoseok in the meeting room. Everyone sat in tension- aside form Fuuta and Taehyung that is.

“As you all witnessed, Y/n is a demon. A year ago, it was Taehyung and Hoseok who brought her to me upon request. Since then, Shiro and I have trained her as a weapon to defend humans and fight back against other demons.” A mumble of simultaneous shock filtered through the room.

“That’s impossible!” Interrupted Bunji. “Forgive me, but I cannot believe a demon is fighting on the human side of this war!” Bunji quickly kept the remainder of his objection to himself when Taehyung shot him a look of silencing.

“When she was first brought to me, Shiro and I placed a certain type of spell on her. A specific obedience charm. Now, she is as human as a demon could possibly be. That being said, she is absolutely unable to kill any innocent or defenseless human who offers her no harm.”

Kaori slowly raised her hand to summon attention to herself. “You say innocent, defenseless humans. Does that mean anyone guilty of a crime can, in fact, be slane by her?”

“Correct. Say, for instance, she crossed paths with a band of thugs looking to rob, assault, or even kill her. She would have free action to defend herself and if killing them means sparing her life- so be it.”

The room was silent again. The tension was nearly tangible. Fuuta continued when it seemed no one else had a qualm to speak of.

“Y/n is a fox demon and between the three of us- myself, Shiro and Taehyung- she seems to favor and obey Taehyung the most.” Eyes shifted to the samurai. Hoseok remembered the small fox that brought him to the compound that Taehyung has claimed to ‘send’ as a messenger.

“Is she the same fox that I followed here?” Hoseok asked Taehyung. The samurai nodded one deep chin touch to his chest with a smile.

“She is. I asked her to bring you.”

“Another example of her loyalty to humans,” Fuuta added. “She left and willfully returned when she had the prime chance to flee from us all together since she was without supervision. Over the last year with Y/n, we have grown to trust her.” Fuuta sighed at his leaders' stoic faces. “I do not expect anyone to accept her fully; however, all I ask is not to antagonize her. Shiro and I consider her a daughter we were unable to bare now.”

With his final regards, Fuuta dismissed himself, leaving the rest to ponder.

“Can we really trust a demon?” Kaori spoke softly- a whisper like a flower petal.

“Of course not!” Objected Bunji, quite the opposite in loudness.

“If it's what Lord Fuuta wants, I don’t see the harm in accepting her. He did acknowledge her and showed he was able to speak commands and have her listen and obey them at the shrine. When he said enough, that was it- all was over and she stepped down almost immediately.” Tsutsui spoke as he stood himself up. “I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt out of respect for our Lord. As fellow leaders- you should all consider it as well.” He excused himself as Takaki left in silence- not adding his opinion on the topic of you personally on his way out.

One by one, the room was cleared out- each person leaving with uneasy emotions until only Hoseok and Taehyung was left. Sat in silence, Taehyung heard the rattling of Hoseok’s sword shaking in its scabbard as he held it so tightly his knuckles whitened ghostlily.

Taehyung knew so many who hated demons, but he doubted no one's fury ran as deep as Hoseok’s. Knowing he was part of why you were here when he and Taehyung captured you a year ago, it no doubt crawled under his skin. After what Hoseok has lost to demons, he’s justified to feel the way he does- complete and utter contempt towards your existence.

Taehyung only reached out and pressed his fingertips into Hoseok’s neck- almost instantly settling him back down.

“Do not dwell and calm down, Hoseok.”

“How can I?” He bit.

“Blame me for working with Y/n if you want, but try and understand Fuuta’s decision. Y/n is not the enemy, Hoseok. I promise.” He left soon after his small discussion with his long-time friend.

Hoseok shook his head to himself. No matter how he wished he could- he could not blame Taehyung. He could not hate his best friend and he couldn’t put the burden of his feelings onto Taheyung’s shoulders either.

Clenching his jaw, he cursed himself as he sat in his own deafening solitude- his constantly sheathed second sword tight in his palm.

A week went by and slowly each leader left the compound- one way or another coming to terms that a demon was considered a comrade at this point in time. However, all agreed that if they see you as a threat at all or at any point- they would not hesitate to lop off your head.

Hoseok still remained in the compound, Fuuta explaining that he needed to calm his distress before going back out onto the field. Hoseok respected his wishes and stayed put as told. If he so much as caught a glimpse of you, he’d stop and recede back in the opposite direction. He’d instantly be put into a sour mood- so he avoided you at any cost.

He currently sat in his room on the second story of the compound, boredly sitting at his window- staring out at nothing but frozen in time wisteria blooms. His attention shifted when voices below his room on the second floor were heard.

“You’re awfully moody. What’s wrong with you?” Taehyung spoke as Hoseok heard. His head lifted at his friend’s voice.

“It’s nothing,” A woman. One voice Hoseok didn’t recognize well.

“Do not lie to me, Y/n.” Hoseok rolled his eyes as his head lowered back down. Boredom engulfed with immediate annoyance.

“I want that human out of here.”

“Be more specific. Everyone in the compound is human besides you, you know that.”

“That stupid hunter,” you bit. Hoseok furrowed his brow knowing you had the audacity to want him gone.

“Hoseok?” Taehyung questioned as you only scoffed at his name. “Listen, he’s here because Fuuta asked him to be here. You know that.”

“Excuse me for not wanting to be in the same vicinity as the man who put me into this situation.”

“Y/n,” Taehyung’s voice hardened. “Disliking Hoseok for bringing you to Fuuta is wrong. I was the one who knocked you unconscious, carried you back and delivered you. Hate me if you are still dwelling on the past.” Hoseok flinched at the cut in Taheyung’s voice. Scolding you for bringing up that night last winter.

“That isn’t fair,” you fought back.

“Why isn’t it, then?”

“You don’t treat me like a-!” The conversation halted into silence. Hoseok sighed, his eavesdropping seemingly finished.

In a flash, a hand grabbed his open window ledge before you vaulted into view. Hoseok knelt on his knee as you threw yourself into his room. Laying flay on his back, he ducked under your body that jumped into his room- originally wanting to tackle him down. Rolling into his room, he was thankful to finally have his sword nearby. Drawing it, he flipped it around so the dull edge faced you.

Lunging at him, he whacked away your open claws aimed at him with the dull of his sword, allowing him to side-step behind you. Reaching out, he grabbed a fistful of your hair, yanking you backward and pulling you down to the ground. Yelping, you were soon back first on the tatami as Hoseok pushed his knee into your gut, hand releasing your hair to push his palm over your throat and the other holding the tip of his sword above your eyes.

You both glared at each other. You kicked, trying to buck free. The pressure on your throat increased due to your struggle, Hoseok’s way to keep you pinned.

“Stay. Down.” Hoseok hissed.

You bore your fangs at him. Grabbing at his blade, your palm cutting open as you moved the blade to the side forcefully out of your face. Your other hand grabbing the wrist of the hand of Hoseok’s on your throat, lifting it with enough force to allow you enough air to speak again.

“Get off me, human,” you growled.

“Give me one good reason why I should.” The blood dripping from your enclosed hand around his blade gathered in small droplet puddles beside your head, bleeding and staining the tatami. Hoseok was momentarily astonished that your blood was red- just like his.

You both were locked in a deadly tangle, neither letting up. Hoseok kept you pinned down and exerted more pressure anytime a single one of your muscles twitch- you just itching to move. You continued to growl at him as he nearly growled back out of sheer spite.

There was a murmur of commotion outside his door and down the hall. Both of you drowning it out to favor the ringing of rage in your own headspaces. The shoji door slammed open as Taehyung froze for but a moment seeing you both at each other’s throats- literally.

“Hoseok! Y/n!” His voice hit new levels of baritone as he ran into the room and forcefully picked Hoseok off you. Getting behind him to lift his arms under Hoseok’s, he pulled him up and took steps backward- backing the both of them away from you. You- finally having the freedom to move- quickly sprung off your back and crouched low to the floor.

Ready to aim low just like a wild predator would. Taehyung saw how you hadn’t calmed down yet, so slipping loose the waraji sandals he didn’t have the time to take off in his rush inside, he kicked it off towards you. Taehyung could even make a simple, straw sandal a weapon as it rotated with an illogical amount of speed in the air before it hit you square in the face.

Yelping from the sudden sting, you dropped down defenseless as you held your nose and forehead, the waraji falling to the floor at your side. Taehyung sighed seeing your shoulders slacken.

Taehyung twisted the upper half of Hoseok’s body just enough so he could step in front of him and slam his knee into his friend’s stomach. Hoseok- erupting into a stuttering fit of coughs- took to his knees as Taehyung released him and Hoseok held over his sore stomach. Taehyung picked up and sheathed Hoseok’s sword, placing it away from him as he walked over to retrieve his waraji, taking off his other because only hooligans wear their shoes inside.

It wasn’t too much longer before servants of the compound caught wind of the futile scrap and came rushing into the room. Ready to see a violent fight between the hunter and demon ally, they were only met with both of them on their knees with Taehyung vehemently standing over the two. He glared at the servants' late arrival.

“By the time any of you got here, someone could’ve been seriously injured,” he scolded the staff as they flinched down. Taehyung sighed, knowing that they weren’t truly at fault. He directed his sights back to you and Hoseok who now both sat recovered and completely faced away from each other. “An explanation please,” he demanded.

“He should know,” you scoffed. “He started it.”

“I- what?!” Hoseok shrieked. “Listen, Fox, I did not do anything!”

“You did! You eavesdropped on our conversation! Ever heard of privacy or manners before, human?!”

“Y/n,” Taehyung warned. You immediately silenced any further argument and rose to your feet, palm still dripping small drops of crimson. Heading towards the servants and open doorway, you stopped when Taehyung called at your back. “Where are you going off to now.”

“Anywhere as long as I am away from him,” you announced before walking passed and away from the servants and Hoseok’s room.

“Hoseok,” Taehyung called, looking back at the slouched down, agitation hunter.

“Do not bother. I don’t want to hear it.”

Taehyung only sighed as he left the room, shooing away the servants and shutting the shoji to his room at his back- going to return his waraji back to the entrance landing. Hoseok looked at the blood droplets stained onto his floor before scoffing and returning to stare out his window. Far less relaxed now than before.

You slid open your room door with enough fury to fling it out of its groves- metaphorically speaking of course. Stepping inside and slamming it shut behind you with just as much fury. You immediately began pulling your kosode loose and stepping out of your Hakan. Stepping behind the byobu screen you kept in your room, you practically ripped off your clothes.

You couldn’t stand to have the smell of that human- Hoseok on you. The scent bled right through your clothes and you’d rather bare your breasts to the winter chill than smell like him. As you threw your kosode over the byobu, someone entered your room without announcement. You- of course- knew who it was. Pulling a spare kimono littered in red spider lilies from the wire on your wall, you began to change into it.

“Go away,” you said sternly.

“Request denied,” spoke back Taehyung.

“I was not asking.”

“Well, I am still not listening.”

“Taehyung-”

“You know attacking Hoseok was wrong, don’t you?” You were silent. “I have no doubt your back feels like it’s on fire by now.” He was correct. The burned talisman on your back would begin to abuse your body when you attacked anyone out of reason. You could feel your skin pulsing under the searing pain of your back. “You know that I need to tell Fuuta about the incident, correct?”

“Yes,” you whispered as you fastened your obi.

“I’ll vouch that Hoseok became offensive and you weren’t completely at fault, but you need to learn to control your temper around him.”

“I know.”

Taehyung left after that, leaving you with a scorching back as you collapsed to your knees in your spider lily kimono, baring the punishment of your uncalled for brawl with Hoseok on your own.

Hoseok was called to speak with Fuuta early one morning unexpectedly. He thought it was strange that it was Shiro who called for him, standing in front of Hoseok's door and asking for him to follow her back to her beloved husband. Something about the air around her seemed tense as Hoseok got up and began following at her back. Stepping lightly behind her, she spared no time to even look around the halls she leads him down. She only kept her eyes down, just enough to see the toes of her tabi-covered feet with each step forward.

Coming to a stop at Fuuta's personal room door, she announced herself before opening the door and stepped aside in the hall, allowing Hoseok passage inside. She herself stayed out in the hall, bowing lightly and shutting the shoji at Hoseok's back slowly before he could hear her feet padding off back up the hall.

Hoseok saw his lord sat at his desk that was built directly from the wall. A calligraphy brush in hand as he painted pitch black words onto an open, flattened and unwrinkled scroll. Dressed in a kimono much different than his normal elegant ones, his hair completely free of any ties or restraints. He turned to look at his hunter and let a small smile grace his lips.

"Please, take a seat," Fuuta gestured to the empty cushion to his left. Hoseok bowed a fraction before obeying him and folding his knees under himself sitting down. His palms sat on his thighs as Fuuta resumed with his brush strokes. "I have a favor to ask of you. Of course, I would like to ask Taehyung of the same favor, but I thought it best to run it by you first, Hoseok."

"How come, my Lord? Taehyung is your successor, is he not? Why would you address any issue with me first?" Hoseok pondered as Fuuta lightly chuckled.

"True. Taehyung is like a son to me now. He's invaluable, and he is also exceedingly loyal. He'd do anything I ask even if he thought it ridiculous." He held his kimono sleeve with his opposite hand as he reached his arm over his table and dipped his brush in more ink. A lock of his black hair falling over his shoulder. "However, you are different. You're a man of many rules and strict do’s and don'ts. With that said, you're free to refuse my words if you so choose."

Hoseok furrowed his brows as his open palms began to curl. "If I may, is this perchance going to involve that demon fox?"

"It is." Hoseok bit his tongue to keep a rude scoff and eye roll at bay. He was in front of his lord. He cannot be rude nor can he be rash. "I know you and Y/n do not mix well, as are both of your natures. Y/n has hated humans for a long time and you feel the same towards demons. You both see no reason to side with each other and that isn't wrong considering both of your situations."

"That demon's situation is no concern of mine," he said with a tone as cold as the winter air.

"Yes, I know you feel that way. However, this request of mine is something of importance. I fear something tragic will take place soon."

"Something tragic? What do you mean?" Hoseok's back shot straight as a rod. Fuuta only shook his head. "Lord Fuuta, what's going to happen?"

"It is not something for you to be directly involved with. Shiro and I have been expecting this for a long time." Fuuta stopped his brush strokes and placed his brush down, setting the painted bristles over the ink jar. He then turned towards Hoseok, looking him in the eyes. "We wish that you and Taehyung take Y/n out of the compound." Hoseok nearly flinched as Fuuta directed his eyes downward, back to his desk and a smile pulled his lips in the most saddening way Hoseok had ever seen. "I've said before that Y/n is like a daughter to us both. Taehyung considers her a young sibling and she herself has long since felt the bond and warmth that a family can bring. You do not know it, but even that child is capable of smiling."

Fuuta stood and walked to his window, cracking it open as the sky that was covered in grey clouds would soon be spilling individual flakes from above in the afternoon. The birds of winter singing far too chipperly in the freezing weather.

"For what's to come, I cannot honestly say."

"Taking her off the compound is only half of the mission, isn't it Lord Fuuta?"

"I only expect you and Taehyung to have her experience more locations. She is a demon fighting for humans, she shouldn't be kept inside her entire life where the battle cannot come. Anything after that is solely up to Taehyung."

"Taehyung? Why him specifically?" Fuuta only shook his head, turning to look down at Hoseok and placed a single finger over his curled lips.

"That is a secret, little hunter of mine." He gestured for Hoseok to stand and offer out his hand. Doing as instructed, Fuuta pulled something from his kimono and placed it into Hoseok's palm. A glass flower- a crimson spider lily. "Your final task is to take care of that small flower. Can you do that for me, Hoseok?"

Hoseok nodded even when his head was fogged with confusion. When Fuuta dismissed him, he was passed by Taehyung in the hall. Taehyung seemed to completely ignore Hoseok's presence, rushing past him and down the hall. Hoseok ran into Shiro again and this time instead of just bowing at him like she normally would, she stopped him.

Silently grabbing his wrists, she placed his hands together between her own and closed her eyes. Opening them again, she looked up at Hoseok.

"Please, look after my girl."

Hoseok blinked down at her and before a response could form on his tongue, she dropped his hands and continued on her way. He looked at the glass flower still sat diligently in his palm. Just the sight of the flower made his throat constrict- like he was on the verge of tears.

Just what was going to happen that Fuuta and Shiro were worried about? What were his leaders and best friend hiding from him?

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anonymous-pretzel-3 · 4 years

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So update on therapy yesterday

I actually got to talk about a lot of the things on my mind, mostly because my therapist was really great with jumping from topic to topic. I didn't tell him I had a lot on my mind or had a lot to talk about, but he automatically switched gears once I started getting too invested in a single topic instead of having the whole session be about that one thing which I think really helped. I also think I finally explained myself well enough about what happened in the conversation with my mother around Christmas time, how that made me feel, how it was technically the typical pattern of response I got from her whenever we have serious conversations of that nature and what the pattern was (except it was to the extreme because we never had a conversation that was that "extreme" before), and how that was now the main reason why I'm very reluctant to have any sort of relationship with her once I move out. He even complimented me on how I've changed how I talked and how well I explain things now from when we first met.

I also finally got to tell him about how I got a job now, and I'm getting my second paycheck Thursday 😊 And I got to tell him more about my friends and how they're super supportive and basically reinforce the idea that I'm an actual human being and my feelings are valid and how they help me with the whole stop doing so much negative self talk thing and help me through when I'm triggered or having a mental breakdown, and he said I found really cool people and they are super smart, and I think I finally conveyed to him at least some of why I value them so much and how much they've impacted my life and made it better. He even asked if one of my friends was going to become a therapist which I said no, but one of our other friends works in behavioral health. I didn't get the chance to tell him that the reason they all know so much is probably because we all have a history of trauma and mental illness, at least half of us I know for a fact also has familial trauma in particular on top of anything else, so we all have to know how to deal with it and support each other, plus, most of them are at least a few years older than me. The one closest in age to me is a year ahead of me, and I think I definitely act the youngest on top of that, so I'm literally the baby of the group lol

At the very end of the session, we also decided we were going to work on triggers because I mentioned that I had been triggered at least twice a day, without fail, in the past week in literally every major area of my life that was triggering and included the one about self-harm as an example. He asked me which trigger did I think was going to be the easiest to work through so we could start on that first, and I said probably the self-harm one because it isn't tied to any one specific trauma I think. It was just the result of everything piling up, so I figured it would hopefully be like lifting an extremely heavy cherry off of the top of an ice cream sundae. We didn't get to work on it much though because we ran out of time, but at least we have a definite-ish plan of something solid to work on now that has the potential to keep the ball rolling in at least some sort of path. Hopefully. Fingers crossed 🤞🏽 While I like being able to get things off my chest, not having a specific thing to work on was starting to really bother me especially since almost absolutely nothing in my life is concrete anymore. Even the most basic foundation was ripped apart from under me even though it was really just an illusion I guess, and I hadn't realized exactly how much that has affected me until just now actually, as I'm writing this. I mean, I knew it affected me greatly, but like, I didn't realize how badly I was drowning in that area of my life as well and how much it bothered me.

The only thing I have to complain about this session is that I forgot to ask him about the letter to officially withdraw from last semester of university until I was outside the building again. I guess there's always next session? Except I keep saying that for like, going on three months now. I guess I can ask my psychiatrist again, but I already asked my therapist once, so I don't know if he had already done it and sent it instead of giving it to me to hand it over to the college or if he completely forgot, and I don't want to send in something twice.

But that reminds me, I still have to reschedule my psych appointment.

Anyway, since I was clearly still emotional at the end of the session and because I'm getting triggered somewhat regularly at work, he taught me how to use math as a grounding technique sort of when I'm super emotional, but it isn't the best or appropriate time to handle it at the moment. It works a little bit for me, at least, it works a hell of a lot better than trying to ground myself by using my five sense and/or memory recall during a dissociative episode, but maybe it'll work more the more I practice it.

Also, it probably didn't help that immediately after getting out of therapy, my mom started on her bullshit again with yelling at people to shut up, criticizing how slow me and my sister were making dinner and how we were doing it and for forgetting things that she said and asking questions, and just yelling and being angry for no real reason in general.

Still clean though, so that's something I guess ✌🏽

#long post #personal #therapy #actuallyabused #actuallymentallyill #parental abuse #parental abuse tw #self harm tw #triggers #abuse tw #trauma tw #friendship #good friends #verbal abuse tw #emotional abuse #emotional abuse tw #verbal abuse

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andipxndy-writes · 5 years

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The Triplets - Rick & Laura

[[Oh my gosh it’s been 5ever since I’ve actually posted anything on any of my blogs on this site. But here I am, back because my muses decided to pop up!

Anyway, I wrote a thing! Basically, in my procrastination, I’ve been reading through a bunch of old threads, and I got really sucked into my threads with @a-simple-rper and fell in love with these characters and their relationships and... well, basically, I was so inspired that this thing got done in, like, a day and a half. Which is probably a new record for me, considering I’ve actually edited through this thing more than once (I never go back and edit, lol) and it’s more than 5.5k words. I’m actually very proud of myself.

So here’s my cute thing! Edited to completion, methinks. Enjoy!]]

The Triplets

When Rick had woken up that morning, he hadn’t known what to expect. Well, he kind of did – Laura in bed beside him, the light of the sun rising filtering through the curtains, a day filled with work ahead of him.

What he did not expect was to wake up to an empty bed, the bedroom door wide open. He frowned as he sat up, stretching and yawning before heading towards the door and out into the corridor. That was strange… Laura usually woke up after he did.

His unasked question of where exactly his girlfriend was, was answered by the sounds of retching coming from the bathroom. His brows furrowed even more at that – Laura hadn’t been drinking last night, so why was she sick? Did she eat something bad? As far as he knew, nothing had been out of the ordinary.

Approaching the door, he knocked on it. “Laura? You in there?”

There were a few seconds of silence, before Rick heard the feeble “yes,” that he knew could only come from his partner. Which was less than comforting.

“What’s wrong? Did you eat something bad last night?” Getting straight to the point was Rick’s favourite mode of action, and he felt that it was definitely important to use right now, considering she didn’t sound all that great.

“N-no…”

Rick waited silently to see if she would elaborate, but when she didn’t say anything further he sighed. This didn’t make sense. Why was Laura sick?

It seemed as if Laura could sense Rick’s struggle on the other side of the door, so she called out, “Door’s open.”

Rick barely hesitated before pushing the door open, trying not to appear too worried as he did so. He wasn’t surprised to see Laura leaned against the toilet, head resting on her arm on the seat. What did surprise him was the weak, tired smile she gave him.

“How long have you been here?” he asked slowly as he moved to sit beside her, rubbing her back. Weird thing was, she didn’t feel that clammy, or hot, so she couldn’t have been ill…

“A couple hours,” she replied, her voice croaky. “It’s been mostly up and down. I feel good for a few minutes and have a glass of water, then I throw it all up again. It sucks. And dry heaving is the worst part.”

Rick frowned deeply at that, the usual slight amount of concern breaking through his normally stoic expression.

“This isn’t the first time it’s happened.”

“What?” He hadn’t been expecting that either. Laura was always in bed when he woke up – he hadn’t noticed her being away first thing in the morning until today.

She nodded. “Yeah. It’s just a little worse today…”

“Do we need to go to a doctor about it?”

She appeared to contemplate the decision, before the small smile appeared on her face. “No need. Though, you might want to grab your phone.”

His eyebrows rose at that, and he waited for her to elaborate, hoping that she’d actually do so this time.

That was when she picked up something that had been sat on top of the toilet cistern and held it up for him to see, and it took him less than a second to realise what it was.

A pregnancy test.

A positive pregnancy test.

“You might want to call your ma about this one. Because it looks like we’re getting a second chance.”

“And how are you today, Ms. Banks?”

Laura shifted slightly on the bed, looking away from the ultrasound scanner and up at the sonographer. “I’m alright, I guess.”

Honestly, though? She was very nervous, and even Rick could see that on her face. The last time they’d been in this situation, it hadn’t turned out well at all – they’d finally got their hopes up, only for it to be ripped away from them for some reason or other. She was scared of it happening again.

Heck, even Rick was scared of it happening again.

This was their second chance, and they didn’t want it to be ripped away from them like before. They were being extra careful now, doing everything the midwife and the doctor had suggested, making sure there was no room for a single thing to go wrong.

The doctor nodded, smiling comfortingly at the couple. “That’s good, that’s good.” She stopped typing at the computer to face the couple fully. “Now, as you know, we recommended you come in earlier than most just to make sure everything’s alright with this pregnancy, considering what happened in the last one. We’ll be asking some more questions, and keeping a closer eye on you too, just to make sure this one goes smoothly. That sound good to you both?”

The pair nodded, and Laura took Rick’s hand, squeezing it lightly.

The sonographer nodded once. “Good. Now, as we’re having an early scan, we’re going to be doing it vaginally, just so we can see everything. Is that alright with you? It requires a bit more prep than just lifting your shirt, and could take a fair bit longer, but we’ll be able to see more and make sure your baby is healthy.”

After Laura nodded her consent, she headed off to the bathroom to prepare for the scan, lying on the bed awkwardly when she was done. She glanced up at Rick, who (for some reason or other) was looking away.

“If you’re doing that to give me some decency, I’d like to remind you of what position I was in for me to end up here in the first place.”

He turned back to her with a slight smirk. “Are you sure it was this one? I’m pretty sure it was another.”

“Are we really going to have to recall back to that night?”

“I think we can do that.”

“Maybe later,” the sonographer interjected casually, causing Laura to blush. Rick coughed slightly to cover up his laugh.

The couple’s eyes were focused on the ultrasound screen as the probe was moved about, getting the necessary image. It took a good few minutes of staring at seemingly nothing, but then the sonographer spoke.

“Aha! Here we go.” She pointed at the screen. “So, here’s your uterus, and that right there… right there, is the foetus.” After a bit more movement on the screen, she paused. “Hang on…”

Rick and Laura frowned at each other, before looking at the doctor.

“Is something wrong?” Laura asked, and she found her hand in Rick’s again, squeezing it. She didn’t want anything to go wrong. It couldn’t be happening again. They’d barely even started…

She found her heart rate decreasing when Rick squeezed back, getting rid of the fear caused by the doctor’s silence.

The doctor didn’t answer for a little while, seemingly focusing on the screen, before she eventually let out a laugh. “Well, you two are in for a real treat.”

Laura blinked at the sudden change in atmosphere. “What?”

The doctor moved the probe again, before turning to the screen. “Right, so here we have a fetus…” She pointed to another position on the screen. “And we have fetus number two…”

“Oh God…” Rick muttered.

“And fetus number three, kind of separate from the other two but still very much present.”

Laura’s jaw hung open, her eyes wide. “Are you… are you serious?”

The doctor nodded, a smile on her face. “Congratulations, you two. You’re having triplets.”

Laura sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror, standing sideways. She’d long since given up on wearing her usual skinny jeans and tight shirts, since she pretty much popped right out of them, but she wasn’t exactly sure how good she looked in the winter dress Kat had bought her. She was big, yes, but this just made her look huge.

“Are you coming down?”

Laura looked over at the door to see Rick stood there, in a shirt and jeans himself. She turned back to the mirror with a sigh. “I will…”

“Our parents are waiting.”

“Our moms are probably just chatting it up whilst our dads just sit there.”

“If you’re here much longer, Sam will be forced to entertain.”

Laura winced. They both knew how much her dad loved Sam.

Then again, her father didn’t know that she was pregnant yet. Her mother knew, and so did Rick’s parents, but she most definitely knew what sort of reaction she’d get from her dad at this. Then again, he either found out now, or when she was literally about to pop.

“Is George here yet?”

“He’s entertaining the twins.”

“Is the turkey out of the oven?”

“Just as you instructed.”

“What about…?”

“It’s all ready, Laura.”

Laura was pleasantly surprised when she felt Rick’s arms around her, a kiss placed on the top of her head before he rested his on hers. She smiled and leaned back into him.

“He’s gonna be mad…”

Rick raised a single eyebrow at her in the mirror. “He’s fifteen weeks too late to complain.”

Laura smirked. “Well, that’s an attitude I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

“It’s just the truth.”

She laughed, kissing what she could reach of his arm before patting his hands so that he let go. “Okay, okay. I’m ready.”

Rick let go of her, taking a few steps back and letting her walk past him to the door. Noticing how her back was straighter, how the way she walked was a lot more confident, he smiled a little.

That’s his Laura.

Lying in bed, arms wrapped around Laura as she leaned up against the headboard, Rick couldn’t imagine a better way to spend a Sunday morning – even if this whole situation was only happening because Laura had demanded it and hadn’t budged until he’d agreed.

Whilst he had his eyes closed, simply resting and enjoying the peace, Laura was reading a book she’d been given at the clinic, flipping through the chapter on 20 weeks. Reading through the various pieces of information, and looking through the various pictures on the pages, she scowled.

“I look like a whale.”

“Hmmm?” Rick opened his eyes when she spoke, looking up at her.

“I look like a whale,” she repeated, still scowling down at the book. “Look at all the women in these photos, Rick. They can probably reach their toes whilst sitting down.”

Rick blinked at her, though his face appeared as blank as ever. What had brought this on? “You’re pregnant with triplets.”

“And I’m a whale.”

“You’re not a whale. You’re pregnant. With three babies instead of one.”

“I feel huge.”

“I’d be worried if you weren’t.”

When she glared at him, he sighed and decided to elaborate.

“You’ve got to be three times as big to fit them all. It’s fine. You’re fine. And beautiful.”

Her expression softened, and she blinked at what he said, blushing. The blush only got darker when he sat up and leaned over to kiss her softly. And then she gasped, pulling away suddenly with wide eyes.

He frowned, concern appearing on his features almost immediately. “What is it?” he asked, trying not to convey how concerned he was through his tone. Had he done something wrong?

“I think… I think I felt a kick.”

It took a few moments for what she said to fully register in Rick’s mind. And then, all of a sudden, it clicked.

A kick.

When Laura saw the small smile beginning to spread on his face, she took his hand and placed it where she’d felt the kick. She knew it was probably futile, feeling for a kick in the same place when the next kick could be anywhere, or not even be felt at all.

She was pleasantly surprised when there actually was a kick in the same place again, right against the palm of Rick’s hand. Looking at him, she didn’t bother stop the laugh coming out at the genuinely surprised expression on his face. Seeing expressions like that, clear on his face without any of his usual restraint, brought her a level of joy that very little could compare to.

Except, probably, the feel of their babies kicking for the first time.

When Rick had first met Laura’s family, it had been pretty awkward to be introduced as her boyfriend. Especially since he was not only much taller than her, but much older and a whole lot more Southern. He was quickly singled out as the odd one out in any family gathering, which he supposed he could deal with. After all, Laura still loved him, and it wasn’t as if her dad hated him for being in a relationship with his daughter, like he did Sam; though, her mother did seem to favour the other a whole lot more than him.

Finding out that she had more extended family, made up of her mother’s sisters and their children, was something Rick thought he would be able to handle. After all, the twins were nice. Their cousins couldn’t be that bad, could they?

He was proven wrong the moment Laura’s mother stepped into the bar with two women he’d never met before.

“Oh, what is that horrid smell?” the older woman asked, wrinkling her nose in distaste as she looked around the bar.

“Must be the drunkards,” the younger responded casually, her eyes focused on her nails. The response caused Jane to roll her eyes before approaching Rick at the bar, leaving the two women to disapprove of the place.

“Rick, how are you doing?”

“Well thanks, Jane.” He looked up from wiping down the counter. “Did you need Laura?”

“We’ll need her in a bit. Probably when Kat gets here.” The smile melted off her face. “As soon as she steps through that door, start us up on a tab. I’m going to need a drink or two to deal with them.”

He simply nodded, tossing the rag onto his shoulder. “I’ll go give her a heads up.”

“Thank you, Rick.”

He gave another nod before turning and heading into the kitchen. He wasn’t surprised to find Laura at the stove, whipping up the next order at a slower speed than usual. Granted, she wasn’t letting her rapidly expanding stomach get in the way of her cooking, but even he could tell that having three babies was draining her energy faster than usual, and reaching for anything below knee height was a struggle for her on a good day. She looked over at him when the door opened, smiling.

“Hey, Ricky, is everything okay?” she asked as she turned back to focus on what she was doing. Even if she looked huge at only 24 weeks, Rick still thought she looked as beautiful as ever.

“Your mom’s here.”

“Oh?” Laura turned to reach for a ladle, lowering the heat on the soup and beginning to spoon it into the waiting bowls. “Did she want something?”

“She’s here with two women.”

“Really?” She paused. “What did they look like?”

“Blonde, like you. She also said something about Kat joining you guys when she gets here.”

Laura was silent for a few moments, before swearing violently under her breath and leaning the ladle on the side of the pot. “Keep an eye on the soup for me,” she muttered as she waddled past him to the door, opening it a little and peeking out. As soon as she spotted her mother, she shut the door quickly and swore again, this time more loudly.

“That’s my aunt and cousin.”

Rick’s eyebrows rose.

“They don’t know I’m pregnant.”

Now Laura’s swearing made sense.

Rick pursed his lips a little as he tried to think of a solution to this. All of them involved Sam, and all outcomes were disastrous. “Do you need someone to stall?”

“My mom knows I’m in here. I’m stuck. Unless I can hide this.” She gestured to her bump.

“That’s 6 months of Rick’s hard work in there,” Sam chirped from the serving window as they approached to deliver orders on their trusty notepad, and take the completed ones to the waiting tables. “You can’t be hiding that.”

“I kind of need to right now.”

Sam blinked at her, before glancing over their shoulder towards the dreaded table. “Is this about the two ladies mom is sitting with? They gave me the stink eye when she introduced me.”

“What they said behind your back must’ve been ten times worse.” Laura groaned and ran a hand over her face.

Rick watched her closely. “Do you need to sit down? You’ve been standing for a while.”

“Probably…”

“Uh, I don’t know whether this is a good thing or not, but Kat just got here and mom is signalling to me to call you,” Sam muttered, a look of genuine sympathy for Laura on their face. “You want me to stall for you?”

Laura sighed, running a hand through her hair and pushing it back before shaking her head. “No, I’ll… I’ll head over.”

Rick nodded, nearing her and kissing her softly. “You’ll be fine. I’m here if you need.”

“That soup is burning.”

He quickly turned to switch it off, causing Laura to laugh as she turned towards the door. Taking a deep breath, she made her way slowly out of the kitchen and towards the table her mother was sat at. Luckily she was approaching from behind her aunt and cousin, facing her mother. She looked incredibly nervous as she reached the table. “Hey, mom, Kat.”

She should’ve expected the scathing comments that were coming.

“Oh, that bastard doorman knocked you up too?” Lara sneered. “I told you, mom, it’s a harem in here.”

Laura spoke before Kat could spit something angrily from where she sat. She could’ve seen the anger boiling from a mile away. “No. I’m dating the barman.”

Lara’s eyes widened. “You mean, that mammoth?”

Her aunt sneered. “Look at you both, having children out of wedlock like heathens. I would’ve thought you taught them better, Jane. This stupidity must come from your husband.”

Jane glared at her sister. “Now, don’t you start, Elizabeth.”

Before anything else could be said, Sam approached the table, the first drinks of the tab on a tray. “Ladies,” they greeted, with their usual grin. When they noticed Laura was standing, though, they frowned. “Laura, you shouldn’t be standing.”

“Oh, and you have an idea on what she should be doing?” Elizabeth asked snarkily, almost glaring at Sam.

They bristled at her tone, but a look from Jane ensured that they said nothing as they placed down the drinks that had been requested earlier, sending Laura and Kat smiles as they left.

As soon as they were gone, Lara scoffed. “What a fool. I cannot believe Katherine stooped to that level. And had little bastards with him.”

Laura had barely blinked before Kat snapped and punched Lara in the face, hard. “Don’t you ever insult Sam or call my children bastards again, you bitch. Otherwise that punch will feel like a tickle compared to what I’ll do to you.”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened as Lara reeled back on her chair, screeching and holding her bloody nose. “Katherine!”

“Oh, don’t you start,” Laura sneered, pulling out a chair and sitting down without invitation – her back ached like hell. “I can’t deal with your whining.”

“How dare you speak to me in that manner!”

Before Laura could reply in a sarcastic manner worthy of Allie in one of her annoying moods, her mother spoke. “I think, perhaps, it’s time you took your child and left, Elizabeth,” Jane stated calmly, though the expression on her face was steely and dark. “And you can show yourself out.”

Elizabeth glared at her sister. “If you think that I am lowly enough to be forced to follow your instructions—”

“Is there a problem here, ma’am?”

All five ladies looked up to see Rick stood by the table, drying a glass in his hands with the usual stony expression on his face. Though, Laura could see the anger hidden behind his eyes. And apparently, so could everyone else.

His appearance was all Elizabeth and Lara needed to get out of there, both of them grabbing their bags and walking hurriedly towards the door without looking back. As soon as they were gone, Rick focused on Laura, his eyes softening and his expression concerned.

“Are you alright?”

“I’ll be fine,” Laura responded, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself (and the agitated flutterings of the babies growing inside her) down. “Just need to rest a bit.”

Jane looked guilty as she leaned on the table. “I’d originally come to check on you both before those two decided to tag along… without my consent.” She sent Laura an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

“No, it’s fine, mom. Besides,” Laura grinned at her twin, “I finally got to see the results of Sam’s boxing lessons.”

Kat grinned as she cracked her knuckles. “Oh, sweetie, that was only the beginning.”

Rick gave a small smile as he headed back to the bar, the three women laughing behind him.

If there was one thing Rick hated more than looking ridiculous, it was looking ridiculous in front of other people.

Still, for the sake of his girlfriend and their babies, he sat quietly in the lesson, Laura between his legs and leaning back on him, all four of their hands resting on her now very large bump. Today happened to be a lesson on breathing exercises – and Rick wasn’t sure whether he was looking forward to it.

“Right, now I want you to relax into your partner – think calming thoughts as you slowly breathe out… then in…”

Rick’s hands remained on the bump as Laura leaned back into his torso, her eyes closed as she focused on her breathing.

“Remember, start with a slow breath out to relax your muscles… and think calming thoughts… the stress will only make the pain worse…”

“Did Sam and Kat have to do these…?” Rick asked Laura lowly, leaning down so that only she could hear him.

“If they didn’t, would you make us leave?” Laura muttered back in retaliation.

Rick just rubbed her stomach comfortingly, smiling a little when he felt a couple of kicks. “I’m just saying… they’re pretty uneventful.”

Laura opened her eyes and looked up at him. “What kinds of things were you expecting to do?”

“Stress will make the pain worse, so imagine the stress leaving your body as you breathe out…”

“I don’t know, but maybe something more than breathing exercises…” Rick responded.

Laura scoffed. “Last week you were bouncing the birthing ball like a basketball and commented on all the stupid stuff Sam would do with it if they found it in the bar…”

There was a loud clearing of a throat, and both of them looked towards the teacher, who was glaring at them.

“It would be nice if, after paying for the class, you actually bothered to listen,” she quipped.

“Sorry,” Laura mumbled, and Rick ducked his head, hiding the smirk growing on his face.

The teacher watched them for a few moments, before nodding and continuing with the class. “Now, as I was saying, let the stress flow out of your body like a stream from a spring…”

“You got in trouble with the teacher,” Rick muttered into Laura’s ear with a smirk, and she huffed, pinching his arm in retribution.

“Ass,” she grumbled, though a small smile had formed on her face.

Walking through the supermarket, Laura sighed, leaning heavily on the shopping trolley as she moved. Her feet hurt, her back ached, her hands and feet felt swollen, and she was exhausted near constantly, but today was the only day Rick was willing to leave the bar under Sam’s supervision and go baby shopping with her.

Baby shopping that was taking a whole lot longer than she’d anticipated.

Looking into the trolley, there were a ton of baby outfits and even more diapers there, as well as three baby carriers that could transform into car seats very easily (thank goodness). At that moment, Rick was looking at some strollers, a frown on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Laura asked, sounding pretty much as tired as she felt.

“Three-kid strollers are really expensive…” he muttered, looking between the different types. “What do you think?”

Laura straightened up and looked at the different options available – basically, one. Which was definitely very expensive. “What about a double and a single?” she suggested.

Rick looked over at her. “We’d have to take them on walks together.”

“It’d get you out of the bar more.”

He rolled his eyes at her, before turning back to the strollers. “I guess… but wouldn’t the triplet one be better in the long term?”

Laura opened her mouth to answer when she suddenly felt a discomfort in her lower back, and she leaned more fully on the trolley, breathing slowly.

When Laura didn’t answer, Rick turned around to see her leaning on the trolley. “Laura?” He approached her, rubbing her lower back slowly.

“Braxton Hicks,” she replied, answering the unasked question. “Just real uncomfy right now.”

Rick nodded, before realising she couldn’t see him. “Need to walk around a bit?”

“Yeah, but my back kills…”

He sighed, continuing to rub as she hummed to herself, probably to stop herself from groaning from the discomfort. He had an idea, but he wasn’t sure if it would be allowed… “Want to head over to the sofa section?”

She turned her head to look at him, a frown on her face. “Why?”

“You need to put your feet up.”

“You want us to get kicked out of Wal-Mart?”

“They’d kick out a pregnant woman for resting?”

Laura pursed her lips. Rick had a point… “Okay, help me out…”

Sighing, Rick walked slowly up the stairs, running a hand through his hair. The bar was finally closed for the night, but today had been hectic. The Carter twins had just started Pre-K, because Kat was back to working as a lecturer and Sam worked every day anyway. Except, some kid had turned up at school with chicken pox a week before and now the twins were spotty, itchy and tearful every day, so Kat and Sam had to take shifts taking care of them and making sure they didn’t scratch their skins off.

So he was down a worker.

Then there was the fact that Laura was officially not allowed to be on her feet for more than ten minutes at a time. Which meant that she wasn’t allowed to be in the kitchen – at least, that was how Rick interpreted it, even if she’d fought to get it interpreted differently. Luckily, it had reached the summer, and some kids were on summer break, so Allie offered up the services of her cousin (who happened to be a high school teacher) so that the kitchen could stay open and business could keep bringing in profits. Particularly because it was family season.

The lack of a doorman and the usual chef made it harder for Rick to deal with a shift, considering he also had to do crowd control, and there wasn’t exactly anyone to serve the food (unless that kid who volunteered to help out counted – Rick was pretty sure the kid expected payment for his service).

Now, though, he was looking forward to just relaxing in bed with his woman and letting all the stresses of the day just melt away. Tomorrow, hopefully, Sam would be back for a shift and take some of the stress off Rick, but tonight was a night to relax.

Opening the bedroom door, Rick wasn’t surprised to see Laura sat up in bed, reading with the book set on her bump as she rubbed it fondly. She looked up when she realised Rick was there, and smiled. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He shut the door and approached the bed. “Shouldn’t you be resting?”

“I’ve rested pretty much all day. I’m not that tired.” She rubbed her stomach. “Plus, it’s their playtime apparently. Mama isn’t allowed to sleep.”

He chuckled as he pulled off his shirt, approaching the bed. “Need me to have a talk with them?”

Her expression soured. “You make it worse. Every time.”

“Hey, at least I’ve tried.”

“Your kids don’t take you seriously. You need to sort that out.”

He just chuckled again, stripping down to his underwear and lying down beside her. “Not long before I’ll be able to.”

Being 31 weeks along, the doctors had suggested that Laura only keep pushing until at least 34 weeks before she delivered – it was certain that she wouldn’t be able to carry to full term, but they needed the babies as developed as possible before they took them out and kept them in the NICU until they were healthy enough to survive on their own. Which meant Laura would be stuck on bed rest for at least three weeks.

She’d only been on rest for half a week, and Rick could already tell she hated it.

A nervous expression appeared on her face, and Rick sat up. “Nervous?”

She huffed out a laugh. “Yeah. We’re having three kids. In at least three weeks. What’s not to be nervous about?”

“Remember that you’ll – we’ll – have a support network. We’re not alone in this.”

She smiled widely at that, closing the book and setting it on the bedside table. “Yeah… yeah, I guess…”

He leaned over and kissed her softly, gently cradling her head in his hands as he did so. He rested his forehead against hers as he pulled away. “We’re a team. We can make it work. We can do this.”

She narrowed her eyes at him as she pulled away. “You took that from the antenatal class. You were actually listening?”

“You were the one who got told off for not listening.”

“That was your fault!”

The summer was usually the busiest season for the bar, simply because people were more free to do what they wanted – especially with the kids out of school. Since it had become general knowledge to the regulars that Rick was going to be a dad, Rick more often than not found himself chatting with a dad who had dropped the kids off with the grandparents and was chilling whilst their significant other was at work, and conversations ranged from the sweetest things kids did to the times they literally caused heart attacks, and Rick certainly wasn’t looking forward to the latter.

However, it was when he heard the call that he realised kids started giving heart attacks from before birth.

“Rick!”

His heart leapt into his throat as he shot Sam a look, and the other raced over to take his place at the bar as he ran upstairs to see what was going on. He stiffened when he realised Kat was stood there in the corridor, supporting her pregnant sister.

Her pregnant sister, who was stood with her hands braced against the wall, her face scrunched up in pain and a slowly growing pool of liquid around her feet.

Please let that be pee, please let that be pee…

“Her waters just broke,” Kat explained, rubbing Laura’s back. “She’s been having contractions since this morning.”

Rick’s heart clenched at that. If she’d been having them, why hadn’t they called earlier? He hadn’t been that busy, had he? God, was she in labour?

Oh God, she was in labour.

“Grab the baby bag from our room – it’s under the bed,” he instructed, quickly moving to take Kat’s place in supporting Laura. “Sam has the truck keys.”

“I’ll get it all ready for you.” Kat raced off to do as Rick explained, leaving the pair in the corridor.

Leaning down, Rick kissed Laura’s cheek as he rubbed her lower back and realised her face was wet from tears. “Remember, breathe. Breathe out slow, then in. Don’t panic.”

As Laura began to follow the instructions given in the classes, Rick realised he was also using the breathing technique to keep calm and that his heart was beating twice as fast as usual.

It felt like forever, but Laura eventually relaxed, her breathing returning to normal and her hands unclenching from where they had been scratching at the wall in pain. But the tears kept flowing. Rick leaned down again and kissed her cheeks, letting her know he was still there.

“You ready to move?”

Laura forced out a laugh, still braced against the wall. “Do I have a choice?” She took a deep breath. “And here I was hoping I could hold out for another week…”

“You’re 34 weeks already. You’ve made it far, and you’ve done well. I’m proud of you.”

She smiled at that. “Really?”

He smiled back. “Really.”

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes tightly to stop the flow of tears. “Okay then. Let’s go have our babies.”

Rick could probably count on one hand the number of times he’d got emotional in his life: his first wedding; leaving home; that time with his dad when he was a teen…

But this definitely topped that list.

Staring through the windows to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, his eyes were focused on three incubators with wires and tubes leading out of them. Inside them, three babies laid, tiny and helpless and premature, unable to breathe without the aid of a machine.

And as helpless and as tiny as they were, and as terrified as he was to now have three tiny lives entrusted into his care, Rick couldn’t deny the overflow of love he felt as he watched them. The emotion was just… so much more than he was used to.

That’s what he would attribute the crack in his voice to as his mother answered the phone.

“Ricky? Is everything alright?”

“Ma…” He smiled, his eyes still glued to his two daughters and son. “You’re a grandma…”

#universe development: the simple life #muse development: laura banks #written for: asimplerper #writing: mine #writing: rp writings #//in which aj does a thing and is proud

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mediiciis · 6 years

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♡ To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before (JONSA AU) ♡ ↳ Also on A03

⯈ PART TWO: “The way it happens is a strange sort of serendipity.”

NOTES: *You know that thing I said about updating this fic every day? Let’s just forget that, k? lmao **I was planning to. I really was. But I basically overestimated my ability for brevity i.e it doesn’t exist. And I decided I wanted it to be longer, and more detailed, just...meatier. Which I just couldn’t do every day. So I went away to work on it...and this is unfortunately, because of life and stuff, the soonest I could get anything of substance posted. ***Soooo...I know it’s been 84 years and you’ve probably lost interest. But I hope you enjoy it all the same. ****The next update will not be as long in coming. And I mean it this time....I know, I know. Promises, promises. But...I have all the chapters outlined. So it shouldn’t take me so long to piece it all together....she says this now lol. *****Anyway, yep. Thanks for being patient! ❤

He won't stop calling me.

I let the current call go to Voicemail and then cease my obsessive pacing of my bedroom and pick up my phone with an anxious wince, despite knowing exactly what it will say.

12 missed calls – Gendry Waters.

I groan and continue walking from one side of the room to the other, one hand clutching my phone - the damn thing like a grenade just waiting to explode yet again in my palm – and the other at my mouth as I nibble my poor fingernails to nubs.

Like clockwork, my demonic ringtone blasts out from my hand, and I throw myself face first onto the bed, burying my face in the cushions and whimpering like an overgrown baby, as the mountain of pillows muffle my anguished cry.

No sooner has the last call ended than my phone chimes with the sound of a message, and my head whips to the side. So long as he was calling me, I could block myself off to whatever he had to say. But clearly realising he was getting nowhere by waiting for me to pick up, he's obviously decided to strike at me from a different angle.

Jerk!

I hesitate before finally reaching out...and even then my hand hovers inches from the phone beside my pillow.

After a standoff that lasts far too long for an inanimate object, I scowl at myself and sigh, grabbing the bull by the horns – so to speak – and swiping the damn thing towards me almost violently.

I hold my breath as my eyes scan over the text on the lock screen.

'WE NEED TO TALK!!!'

Oh shit.

All caps? THREE exclamation points?

NOT TODAY, SATAN!

CONTINUED…

I power my phone down and shove it under my pillow just for good measure, before whipping around onto my back and staring up at the ceiling.

There are still some of those old, worn, glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to the faded and cracking paint, that I plastered up there when I was little. And my eyes get stuck on one in particular next to the lampshade as my thoughts begin to wander.

I breathe deeply through the new, merciful silence filling the room. Turning my phone off probably should have been the first thing I did when I got home, but I guess I'm conditioned to always have it with me, like a lifeline or limb, and cutting myself off from it feels...unnatural, somehow.

Besides, I was far too busy earlier to think of anything else except – pardon my language – freaking the fuck out.

I managed to convince the nurse that I had a sore throat after...well, let's just call it The Event. And from that moment on, I had had a one track mind: get home, get to the letters. A stupid as shit plan really considering I knew for a fact that at least two of them were out there in the world, causing havoc and ruining my perfectly ordered - if slightly dull – life.

And just as I expected, after I'd raced up to my room and torn my bottom drawer apart in search of the box I kept them in...I found the bastard thing gone. And all 5 letters with it.

I found it hard to shed a tear for the other three, though. The ones to Jon and Gendry were, by far, the worst culprits, and the other's would barely make a dent after the earthquake that had already ripped through my world.

When my dad and brothers got home a few hours after me, I told them I was too sick to leave my room, and when I heard Arya's voice downstairs, I just about barricaded myself inside. Sending a message to 'The Fam' group chat to try and convince them all that I was dreadfully contagious.

No-one had bothered me since, except a few worried visits from my dad to ask if I was alright. I had sent him away every time with fake coughs and croaky assurances that I was far too 'tender' to see anybody.

I just...can't be around my family right now. There's no way.

I've felt like crying since the moment I left school, and there's always something about being in front of someone you feel intimately comfortable around. It makes my defences crash to the ground, and I can't do that...because then they would want to know. And in my grief I might just tell them. And that would be bad. Catastrophic. Code Black. Because then Arya would find out that I've been hardcore crushing on her man the entire time they've been together. And that...well that makes me wanna fire up my laptop and Google Search ways to fake your own death.

Just when I'm contemplating braving the storm and turning my phone back on to shoot my best friend, Jeyne, a quick reply to the text she sent me earlier when I didn't show up for afternoon lessons...a soft tap comes at the door. 'Sans?'

I freeze like a deer in headlights, my entire body going rigid.

Oh shit.

Arya.

Did Gendry talk to her? Is she here to murder me?

I sit up slowly, eyeing the door like it's a poisonous snake. 'Hmm?'

'Dad sent me up with some soup.'

Soup? Oh right. I'm sick.

'Uh...that's alright,' I say, trying to make my voice sound as husky as possible. 'I'm doing ok. I've got my water. I'm fine. Thanks though!'

I hear her sigh even through the door. 'Well, he told me not to come back down with it still on the tray, so...' I know, even though I can't see her, that she's shrugging. 'Maybe do me a solid?'

A slither of panic races through me. I'm not ready to see her, to face her. It doesn't sound like she knows anything yet, but the truth will be written on my face, I just know it.

'It's heavy, Sans,' she complains in an exaggerated whine. 'Come onnnnnnnn.' And then, in a voice tinted with playfulness: 'I also brought cookies.'

Cookies? My stomach growls at the thought. I skipped dinner under the pretence of being ill and not wanting to be around anybody, but I haven't actually eaten since lunch and I'm starting to get pretty hungry. Not enough to open the door for my dad's measly chicken-broth soup, but cookies? I remember seeing them on the counter when I came in earlier – probably a gift from our elderly neighbour, Mrs Tyrell - and just the thought of them has me salivating.

So somehow I find myself swallowing the saliva in my mouth and saying, 'Um...ok. Sure.'

She waits for a beat and then says, 'You locked the door, sis.'

Oh. Right.

I get up and unlock the door for her, opening it slowly as if I'll find a firing squad on the other side. But as soon as the door inches forwards even a little bit, Arya barrels inside, carelessly pushing it the rest of the way and practically shoving me aside as she passes.

That's Arya.

While I'm all quiet and timid and walking on eggshells to avoid attention of any kind, she blazes in like a bull in a China shop, saying and doing whatever she wants with no fear or hesitation.

It's how she got Gendry, after all. He was my friend before he was her anything, and my crush long before she even noticed him. But while I was too scared for too long and dragged my feet about admitting my feelings, Gendry was clearly growing more desirable by the day, because the second she recognised it she made it clear what she wanted...and the rest is history.

It's odd, sometimes.

She's the 'little sister' and yet she's the one who stands the tallest. Always protecting me, always looking out. Always the one to try something first because I'm too scared, always trailblazing the path for me to follow behind. Arya did everything before me: climbing trees, riding a bike, drinking...boys. She's the one with the long term, monogamous relationship, after all, and me? Well, I've never even had a boyfriend before. I'm an entire year older than her and yet I feel like I'm trailing behind her in so many ways.

All because I'm too scared, all the time...of everything.

If only I was more like her...things could have been so much different. Gendry could...well...Gendry could be my boyfriend right now. Not hers. Not that he is her boyfriend anymore. Not technically. But still. He's hers. He always will be.

She bounds over to the bed and sits with the plate of cookies in her hand, shoving one into her mouth at the same time. 'So, whats up with you?' She asks around a mouthful of chewy, chocolaty dough.

I fidget beside the door. 'Um...nothing. What do you mean?'

So far, so good. Keep it up, Sans. Just be vague. Give nothing away. You can do it.

Arya pauses, her cookie frozen in mid-air, and frowns at me...and I think I've fucked it. Shit! But then she says, 'You said you were sick.'

'Oh! Um...yeah. I am.' I cough and place a hand to my throat with a practiced whimper, but even I know it's a pathetic attempt.

I dare a peek at Arya, and find her watching me with a raised eyebrow. Clearly not buying it. 'Fine,' she finally says after a moment, with a dismissive wave of her hand. 'Don't tell me. It's not like I haven't faked a cough and cut out of school early before.'

'You have?'

'Sure,' she shrugs. 'I used to do it a lot when me and Gendry were dating.'

Gendry. The name is like a bucket of ice water to my face.

'Wh-why,' I ask, simply to make conversation more than anything. I clear my throat, even though the raspiness of it would actually aid my lie.

She looks down at the plate and picks up another cookie. 'Different stuff. Sometimes because we'd been arguing and I was upset and couldn't bear being around anyone. Other times it was just...' She grows quiet and her voice softens to nothing more than a whisper. 'Sometimes it was just so we could spend time together.'

And for the first time since this horrid day started, I actually think about somebody other than myself.

I've been so consumed with my own drama and worries concerning Gendry, anxious that my sister might find out and be angry, that I've completely forgotten the reasons why she could possibly feel that way...not just angry, but upset, heartbroken. Because she still loves him. It's clear as day to anybody with eyes, and she's obviously still struggling.

My chest caves with sympathy. 'Are you ok?'

When she looks up at me she's smiling ruefully, but when she shrugs as if it's not a big deal, I know for sure that it is. That's another thing about my sister. She masks her pain with a smile. and the bigger the smile, the bigger the pain. 'I'm fine.' Her expression changes almost instantly and she holds the plate up. 'You having one of these or not?'

My stomach rumbles again at the sight of the plate, and the mountain of mouthwatering treats on top of it, and I give in and move to sit beside her on the bed because...well, because she has the food.

I take one from the plate and we nibble away in silence for a few moments.

While I'm eating, it's easy to distract myself from my own woes and I decide to shift focus from me even further. 'Hey, Arya?' I hedge.

She doesn't look up. 'Hmm?'

I'm not sure I should ask. After all, if she wanted me to know she'd offer the information herself, right? But given my own recent induction into the Arya/Gendry drama, I figure the more information I have at my disposal, the better. Plus...curiosity is eating away at me. So I find myself asking, 'Why did you and Gendry break up?'

I don't expect her to answer, so I'm surprised when she shrugs softly without looking at me and says, 'We wanted different things.'

Huh.

That doesn't make sense to me. At all. Arya and Gendry were, for all intents and purposes, the 'perfect couple.' They were always together - one of those couples that were literally joined at the hip - and I rarely saw them fighting. They kissed a lot, held each other's hands almost constantly and were, just generally, an all around, adorable, gag-fest of cute. Which was what made it so much harder for me when they first got together as kids.

It wasn't like I wanted Arya to be unhappy. Or Gendry, for that matter. But there was always a small part of me that was expecting it all to be a phase that eventually fizzled out, and, if I'm being honest...I couldn't exactly hide the anticipation that came with that thought, at first.

When it didn't...when it went on and on and on, and soon replaced the impression of my parent's marriage as the foremost expression of committed monogamy in my life, that hope quickly faded. And resignation took it's place.

My crush on Gendry was still there. Always. I still admired him, I still wondered 'what if?', I still found myself looking at him longer than was necessary and thinking about him when I probably shouldn't have been either, but I honest to Gods never believed anything would ever happen between us. Not anymore. I had put that to bed. It became a bittersweet kind of longing; destined to never be fulfilled.

It was Arya and Gendry's commitment to one another which had spurred that resolve into existence, so my sister's words ring hollow. And I say as much.

'I...I don't get it. You were great together.'

Another shrug. 'Well sure, but...' She trails off and chews the inside of her cheek, thinking.

'Ok, so it's like this: recently, me and Gendry have been talking a lot about the future. What our dreams are, our plans, our goals. Things we want to do together, what we want our future to be...you know...'

'That's sweet,' I say. Most guys would balk at such thoughts of lifelong commitment, but not Gendry. He always was mature for his age.

'I know,' she sighs, like the thought of Gendry's clear devotion to her is a dagger in the heart. 'But it started to dawn on me that...the things we want and value, our plans...they're different. And I realised that, as much as we'd fight it and try our hardest at first...we'd probably end up being one of those couples who drift away and break up in college.'

I'm startled.

I always used to picture Arya and Gendry being together in my head whenever I would think of the future. It was just a foregone conclusion, a part of the furniture. So this is a shock to my system. It suddenly feels like somebody has reached into my head and jiggled everything about, moving that furniture and leaving the whole place overturned and unrecognisable.

'But...' I shake my head. 'You guys don't have to think about any of that right now. You won't be starting college for another few years yet. So why - '

'Because...' Arya replies with another weary sigh. 'I'll just keep falling more and more in love with him, Sansa, but it won't change the inevitable. Those things will still remain the same and they'll still break us, except...I'll be more attached and so will he and we'll find it a thousand times more difficult. It's hard now...but not as hard as it will be if I let this continue. I have to rip the band aid off. Nip it in the bud while it's still ahead.'

Her words sound jarringly clinical to my over-romanticised ears, but deep down I can acknowledge the wisdom in her decision. And then another thing occurs to me, curling deep and unpleasant inside my gut.

I already knew that Arya didn't dump Gendry out of a lack of love. They had been far too happy for that. But not I know, unequivocally, that far from being a lessening of feelings for him that precipitated their breakup, it was actually the strength of them that led to her heartbreaking decision. Meaning....she really will be gutted to learn of mine.

I have to bury this. I have to make it all go away. I just don't know how.

Gendry will never forget that letter. He'll want to talk. I'll be too embarrassed. Things will never be the same between us. Arya will notice us not being friendly anymore. And then she'll question me and I'll cave and Gendry will want to tell her the truth because he's Gendry and she's Arya and they're Gendry and Arya and I...wish the world would swallow me up right now.

And then I hear the three words which are guaranteed to have me dissolving into a puddle of panic. 'Gendry is here.'

Both mine and Arya's heads whip to the doorway, where one of our younger brother's, Bran, is standing. His head is wedged between the slightly open door and the frame, his dark eyes practically luminous against his pale skin.

'What?!' Me and Arya screech as we simultaneously jump to our feet.

I do a double take at my sister and recover quickly, realising I have no right to such an extreme reaction. 'I mean...uh...what is he doing here? They just broke up! She doesn't want to see him!' I look at Arya. 'Right?'

'Right!' She nods, though there's clear hesitation in her voice and I can't ignore the stark longing in her eyes. 'Only...' She turns to Bran. 'How did he look?'

Bran stares back at her blankly. 'Like Gendry?'

She tuts and places the plate of cookies on my bed before rushing towards him. 'No. I mean...did he look ok? Upset? Happy? Like he's moved on?' She gasps and places a hand on her heart, all the blood draining from her face. 'Oh Gods, what if he's here to tell me he's found someone else?'

'Not likely,' I assure her instantly, my gut clenching in dread. Not only am I certain that Gendry will not move on from Arya for a long time or be so callous as to show up at her door to boast about it, but I'm about one thousand percent certain that he's not here to see her at all. He's here for me.

Arya turns back to Bran and practically grabs him by the shirt. 'Does he look gaunt? Do you think he's been eating? Oh Gods, I hope he's taking care of himself.'

Bran disentangles himself from our sister with a huff of irritation. 'I don't bloody know, Arya. I l just opened the door, looked at him and he said, 'I need to talk to your sister.' That was literally the end of our interaction.'

'Well why didn't you ask how he was?!' She demands almost comically. She looks like a crazy person, her eyes wide and blazing.

'Because I'm not a weirdo who goes around asking guys what their emotions are?' Bran asks with a confused scowl on his face.

If I wasn't freaking out right now I would have laughed, but as it is...

I need to speak to your sister.

Your sister.

Oh Gods. He's here for me, I know it.

Bran didn't ask which one because he figured it was a foregone conclusion and as soon as Arya goes down there, Gendry will probably correct her and tell her he's here to see me. And why.

My eyes instantly begin to scan the room. I need to get out of here.

Yep. Once again, I'm running away. Poor Gendry, I start to think. But then quickly quash it. I can't afford to feel any sympathy for him right now. As far as my brain is aware, he's the enemy.

'Can I go back to my game now?' Bran asks sullenly. 'I've been AFK for ages.'

Arya just grumbles and pushes past him, with a shove that knocks him back a full step. He stares after her with a mutinous glare for a moment before looking back at me, a barely-there glint of confusion in his brown eyes. 'What's with you?'

I stop chewing my fingernails and cursing my room for an escape hatch long enough to glance at him. 'Hmm?'

He narrows his eyes for a second, but then just shrugs in disinterest and walks back to his room, clearly not curious enough to stay and figure me out. And thank the Gods for that, because right now I need to leave. I need to think and escape and I need to do it quick.

My eyes search the small space, desperate for a way I can get out of the house without being seen.

I'm just about to lose all hope when my gaze lights on the window, and I'm moving towards it before I can even think twice. Because I'm panicking and I need to think fast...and when I'm panicking I apparently think...wrong.

The blasted thing is open, one leg is out and I'm straddling the frame before I'm able to ponder the consequences.

We used to do this all the time when we were kids. When we were younger and stupid and not afraid of getting hurt.

One quick swing towards the left and I'm hooked around the wide drainpipe beside my window, and shimming down the house to the lawn below.

I haven't done this in years so my descent is pretty sloppy. My hands slip multiple times, making me yelp in terror, my thighs shake as they cling desperately to the pipe, and my knees scrape the uneven surface of the brick wall as I push myself quickly to the bottom.

But the old thing is as sturdy as always, and before I know it I'm launching to the ground at the back of the house, rushing across the grass towards the towering hedge at the bottom of the garden, and dropping to my knees to crawl hastily through the tiny opening I know from memory is there.

By the time I make it to the path at the back of our row of houses, I'm a sweaty, dirty, breathless mess.

But I'm free.

Straightening to full height I glance around, panting as I rub the dirt and grass from my knees. As soon as I see my little neighbour, Lyanna Mormont, playing with her tiny pink bike two houses down, my mind blazes with an idea.

I instantly rush over and smile as brightly as I can. 'Hey, Kid, wanna make a few coins?'

She stares up at me with wide eyes. Ok, so I probably look pretty threatening. Panting and sweaty with dirt on my jeans and my hair in disarray. But she knows me. I babysit for her all the time, and so I know it will wear off quick.

And it does.

Just as I predicted, she smiles up at me with a gap toothed grin, the interest sharp and clear in her light brown eyes. 'Money?'

I nod eagerly. '10 silver stags to borrow your bike for an hour.'

She looks at the bike – her obvious pride and joy - and then back at me, her face scrunched in thought, and what looks like a tinge of doubt. I'm about to tell her it doesn't matter when she finally nods with a mischievous smirk. '20. Gold dragons.'

Little brat!

I sigh, but give her a reluctant nod. Anything to get away from here. 'Ok. 20.'

She smiles in smug victory and pushes her bike over to me. I begin to mount the tiny thing as she strokes the sides of it proudly. 'My daddy just gave it a repaint, and put this new basket in the front for my doll. It's beautiful, isn't it?'

I eye the bike dubiously as I settle onto the bright fuchsia seat. It is beautiful. If you're 12. I don't particularly want to be riding around town on a tiny, pink, glittery bike with a white wicker basket and plastic flowers fixed to the front. But do I not want that more than I don't want to stay in the house and face Gendry? Absolutely-fucking-not.

Pick your poison, Sans.

I shoot Lyanna a thin smile. 'I'll put the money in your mailbox later.'

She bobs her little head in excitement, no doubt thinking about the further upgrades she can make to her bike with the money.

With anybody else she might have demanded it upfront, but she knows I'm good for it. I'm responsible, respectable and boring Sansa Stark. I don't have the boldness, confidence or guts to stiff anybody.

I nod back and make to peddle away, but she stops me with a startled cry. 'Wait! Don't you want my helmet?'

She tugs the white strap around her chin, a strap attached to the bright pink helmet sitting atop her head, and I visibly shudder. 'Uh. No. Let's leave that, ok?'

She merely shrugs, clearly not insulted by my slight or not even realising I made one at all, and watches me take off.

It's a bit of a hassle, getting used to the tiny thing beneath me, and I stutter and start a few times....but I'm on my way soon enough, pedaling as fast as I can away from my house and towards the only place I know I'll find refuge.

I ignore the blatant stares, whispers and giggles as I head to the edge of town. I don't care about them half as much as I care about being as far from my sister and Gendry as is physically possible.

I don't stop riding until I get to my destination, not even when my calf's begin to ache and my chest begins to burn with the ragged breaths tearing in and out of my lungs.

Only when the familiar white shutters and bright green flashing neon sign come into view, do I slow to a stop and hop off the bike, leaning it against the wall in front of my favourite diner, Dee’s.

It's a 'greasy spoon' type of place, right off the beaten track of the main high street. Me and my mum discovered it back before she was sick on one of our special Saturdays.

With a house full of boys and the tom boy Arya to contend with, Saturdays were the only time mum and I got to do something just for the two of us, something we were both interested in, since we were always going to football matches and action movies to keep everybody else happy the rest of the time.

We would spend the afternoon in town, looking through the vintage clothes stores and bookshops and then drinking coffees, eating cake and gossiping about silly things, like boys and trashy reality shows.

Arya was never into that kind of thing and she was always with Gendry on the weekends anyway, so Saturday was just our time. For us. For me.

It was the only time I felt important, seen. It wasn't my mum's fault. I knew. She had a house full of rowdy boys and a brash tomboy to hold her attention. And since I was pretty sensible, quiet and well-behaved I basically flew under the radar the majority of the time.

On Saturday's though..her attention was entirely mine. My opinion was valued, my jokes laughed at. It was my grades being talked about and praised, my interests and my hobbies.

I cherished those days.

I make my way inside, the bell chiming as I pass, and inhale...letting the smells and sounds of the bustling diner instantly put me at ease. This was the soundtrack to my happy childhood, and I let myself become immersed in it, like sinking into a warm bubble bath.

I move towards the counter and take a seat at one of the tall, red, leather-covered stools. Mum and I always used to sit in a booth by the window, but that's too painful now. Still, my eyes sweep over it briefly as I wait to be served. I can't help it.

I feel a painful clench inside my chest as I imagine mum sitting there in the familiar worn chair. Always on the side facing away from the door, always playing absently with the packets of sugar as she talked to me about anything and everything. Making me feel instantly better like honey on a sore throat.

'Hey, sweetie!' I turn back to the counter with a heavy heart, only to be met by the grey hair, faded blue eyes and friendly smile of the owner and namesake of the diner, Dee. 'I wasn't expecting to see you tonight.'

She's holding a pot full of steaming coffee and wearing the standard uniform - ugly yellow dress with frills and white apron covered in stains.

Dee was always the one who served me and my mum when we came in here, and she rapidly became one of my favourite people. We were here so often she started to give us free pie, cake and shakes, and even invented a milkshake for me she lovingly dubbed The Sansa – to be made for me only, on her strict orders.

She grew to be very important to me over the years, and to mum, and even came to her funeral. Now she's like an Aunt to me, and honestly one of the best people I know.

She, and this place, has been a lifeline for me the past few years.

After mum died, it became too painful to be here so often. There was a time when I couldn't come at all, couldn't even drive or walk past without getting choked up. It reminded me too much of mum and what I'd lost. But after a while, the pain eased...and I began to seek out my memories of her instead of hiding from them. I wanted to soak up everything about her that I still could. Her old perfumes, her scarves and shirts with her scent still clinging to the fabric, her favourite novels – worn and falling apart, with the bookmark still where she had left it.

And I wanted to be here. In this place that had made her so happy and where we had shared so much. Even though the first time I stepped back through the door I had burst into tears, unable to stop even when Dee wrapped her arms around me, and even though I could only stay for minutes at a time, I still liked to come here and remember her. Remember us. Even if it was only every now and then.

Over time, I was able to visit more often. And, honestly, I began to miss Dee so much that I fought through the pain whenever it resurfaced.

And now, even though I don't come every Saturday anymore, I still visit when I'm upset or just need to be cheered up. It's still my haven. Still my safe place. Even if mum isn't here with me.

It still makes me feel the way she once did. It holds the memory of her in it's walls and smell, it's feel. In every clink of silverware and blast of the jukebox. She left her mark and imprint everywhere. And all the things we used to talk about, the way she used to make me feel when we were here....they still linger, like echoes.

I shrug and smile back at Dee, feeling lighter all of a sudden. 'Needed to get out of the house.'

Dee nods in understanding. She knows all about my family full of brothers, and probably assumes me fleeing here is something to do with them, a search for some much needed peace and quiet.

I choose not to correct her. What would I say anyway? She also knows about Arya and Gendry and the fact that they're together. It's not like I can confide in even her.

Nope. I'm on my own for this one. The thought makes me feel sad and lonely and completely helpless, and I miss my mum in this moment more than ever before.

I would be able to tell her everything. She would never have judged me. She loved me. She would have comforted me and figured out everything. A way to handle it all without upsetting Arya, who she would never want to hurt.

My shoulders slump as I sit there and think of the hole she's left in my life.

I miss her.

Dee notices the change in me instantly, and whether she knows I'm thinking about mum or not, she decides to take action. 'You look like you need to inject your bloodstream with an inordinate amount of sugar,' she diagnoses with a cheeky grin. 'The usual?'

I laugh and nod. 'Always.' The usual is my personal milkshake and just the sight of it can lessen all my woes every single time.

She winks at me and moves away to make my drink, and while I'm waiting I decide to use the time to do some much needed damage control.

Grabbing my phone out of my pocket, I turn it on only long enough to type my dad a quick text about feeling better suddenly and deciding to study with some friends at the library. He'll believe it. It's me, after all. I'm far too dull to be out doing anything irresponsible or dangerous.

I wince when I see the messages from other people flooding my inbox: Arya, Jeyne (again – my dad probably called her after I disappeared), Gendry! Oh Gods. I make my eyes skip across his texts. I don't want to see what they say, won't allow the stress to infiltrate the fragile harmony I'm clinging onto so desperately.

After the message to dad is 'delivered', I power the phone down again and place it on the counter in front of me, waiting a beat before reaching out and pushing it even further away so that it's right over by the sugar shakers.

I then nod in satisfaction, breathe a sigh of relief and straighten up in my seat...only to be distracted by a soft chuckle from beside me.

I glance to my left and my entire body immediately freezes.

Jon Snow is sitting two seats down from me, lounging on a stool with his ridiculously attractive forearms resting on the counter and looking over at me with amusement in his eyes and a smirk on his lips.

I jerk back and audibly gasp.

This pulls another grin from his stupid, delicious mouth, and he raises a hand to rake through his hair. 'Hey, Stark.'

'I...what...you...' I begin to sputter, and he uses my sudden in-eloquence as an opportunity to call towards Dee.

'Hey, could I get a coffee, please? Black. No sugar.'

Ugh. Even the way he takes his coffee is badass. I need everything sweetened to tooth aching levels like a wimp.

Bastard.

He turns back to me with a patient set of grey eyes. 'You about decided what word you wanna use yet?'

Oh! Fury rushes through me. Fast and hot and brutal. I don't need this today. My nervousness quickly turns to irritation and impatience.

'What are you doing here?' I snap.

This is my haven, dammit! My safe place. I came here to escape all of today's crap. And here, like a vision from hell, my second worst decision of the day is sitting in front of me.

He reaches forwards to play with a tube full of multicoloured straws, not even looking at me and replying as casually as the day is long, 'I followed you.'

What?

'You...' I shake my head and close my eyes for a second. What the hell is going on? 'What do you mean, you followed me?'

He looks back at me like I have three heads, like I'm the crazy one. 'I mean I saw you coming here and trailed you in my car. Cute bike, by the way,' he adds, with a mocking smirk.

'Shut up,' I say, turning fully towards him now, far too confused and exasperated to even stop and marvel at my sudden boldness around him. 'How did you see me? Where?'

Jon drops the straws and sighs – sighs! Like I'm the one irritating him! - and turns towards me, mimicking my position.

It's so strange seeing him out of school. Like running into a teacher at the grocery store. We've never hung out, not as teenagers, anyway. The last time we were really in any kind of social situation together was when we were twelve and he was planting one on me. Since then Jon Snow has existed only in the side of my life and brain reserved for school and formal, educational settings. But this is my Saturday haven. This is about as far from school as you can get. This is...no. He's bleeding into the wrong part of my world. He doesn't belong here.

'I went to your house -'

'You went to my house?!'

'And I saw you jetting away from there like your ass was on fire,' he continues sternly, when I interrupt him. Then he shrugs. 'I decided to follow you and you came here. So...here I am.'

He grins, a cute, crooked smile, and I have to admit, my stomach dips. I have no idea what that's about exactly, but when Jon Snow smiles at you like that you'd be hard pressed to not feel something. That's what I tell my treacherous asshole heart when it flips anyway.

'Cute place, by the way,' Jon acknowledges, as he twists back towards the counter on his stool.

'Thanks, handsome,' Dee gushes, as she sets a coffee mug in front of him with a charmed smile.

Her light blue eyes are twinkling. Twinkling! Oh no. Please don't tell me he's working his magic on her. I know she doesn't get a lot of custom and definitely not from cute, young guys like him, but still...

She's holding my milkshake captive in her other hand, but doesn't make a move to put it in front of me. Nope. She's still staring at Jon, and when he glances back up at her and winks, I contemplate the possibility for a second that she might seriously have a cardiac arrest right there on the black and white tiled floor of the diner.

'Thanks...um...' His eyes dip to her name tag. 'Dee.'

She melts inside. I physically see it happen. And she's still staring at him, still smiling. And my milkshake is still in her hand.

'Ahem!' I cough, and she finally glances away.

'Oh! Sorry, honey,' she says, flustered and reddening in the cheeks.

Oh my god. I can't believe Dee is hot for Jon Snow! Can he not go anywhere without infecting every woman nearby with his disgusting disease? I was clearly just one of many when we were twelve.

Once again I feel that sour trickle of bitterness and embarrassment at the foolishness I exhibited, back when I seriously believed I was something special for a hot minute.

Dee puts the milkshake in front of me with an apologetic smile.

'Thanks,' I say, trying to soften my voice for her because...well, she's Dee and I love her. And I understand getting momentarily blinded by the magnetic allure of Jon 'bastard' Snow.

Speaking of which, I glare at him sideways as I take a sip of my shake. I hate that he's here. I'm supposed to come here and have my milkshake and instantly feel better. And now I'm stressed and it's all his fault.

He's drinking his coffee when I look at him and I try to ignore the way his biceps flex when he lifts it to his mouth, and the way his thick neck looks as he tips his head back and swallows the warm liquid. I feel my body heating but dismiss it. It's just a natural reaction to an attractive boy. Nothing more. And I have more important things to focus on.

Jon glances over at me and does a double take. He turns his body towards me again and his eyes widen in wonder.

'What is that?' He asks, and the awe in his voice almost makes me laugh.

'This is my milkshake.'

'Looks good. Maybe I'll get one.'

'No can do, sugar,' Dee says, as she potters about behind the bright red counter. 'The Sansa' has a very limited and exclusive clientele.'

He gapes at her, and then at me and my milkshake...and back to me again. 'You have your own milkshake? Seriously?'

I simply nod and take another exaggerated sip like an asshole just to flaunt it. 'Uh huh,' I mumble around the straw.

'And they're not allowed to sell it to anybody else?'

I swallow the strawberry flavoured milk in my mouth. 'On pain of death.'

He shakes his head in disbelief and, if I'm not mistaken, respect. 'That's crazy.'

I just shrug and turn back to my drink, swirling the straw around the multicoloured milk, ice cream mingling with the chocolate sauce as it all melts into the liquid. He's still staring at me – no, at my drink – and sighs so wistfully it makes my lips twitch. 'It really does look good.'

But then I sigh. This is getting us nowhere.

'Why did you go to my house, Jon? And how do you even know where it is?'

He's never been there and there's absolutely no reason for him to know where I live.

He narrows his eyes at me in confusion again, like he doesn't understand why I'm continuing to be so stupid. 'Dany used to go to yours all the time. I'd pick her up from your house or meet her at the end of your road before our dates.'

I can't help the scoff that escapes me. 'Dates? We were 12. What did you do? Play Mario Kart and feed the ducks?'

'Ha ha,' he mutters., taking another sip of coffee.

I stare at him. 'Jon.'

'Hmm?'

'You didn't answer my question.'

He swallows and nods. 'Right. Well, I just wanted to talk...about earlier,' he says vaguely, and so casually I really do marvel at him. Does anything bother him? At all?

Of course I know what he's talking about. But I play dumb.

'I...don't know what you mean.' I turn back to my milkshake, but can instantly feel his eyes on me. Practically feel the swift turn of his head in the air.

A moment of silence follows, and then an incredulous, 'Really?'

I continue to stare into my drink, my hand on the straw, just swirling. Swirling, swirling, swirling, swirl-

'Stark,' he says, the amusement in his voice grating at me. 'Come on,' he coaxes, like I'm a naughty child and he's trying to get me to admit to committing an act of disobedience.

I continue to avert my eyes, but I hear him sigh melodramatically and shift on his seat.

'Ok, let me refresh your memory.'

'Nope,' I say, squeezing my eyes shut and shaking my head, as if I can simply drown him out. And make him disappear through sheer will. But the bastard ignores me...like a bastard. Bastard.

'The last time I saw you, you were jumping into my arms and kissing the hell out of me. Then about 10 seconds later you pulled away like you'd electrocuted yourself on my mouth, said 'sorry' and legged it down the hallway, so...'

He trails off, clearly waiting for me to add my two cents, but I honestly have no interest on tugging on that thread. Not only because it was embarrassing as hell, but because the reason I ran away without saying anything other than 'sorry' after our kiss – which wasn't my original intention - was because he had started to kiss me back and it scared the hell out of me.

Also...I actually enjoyed it and that confuses me because I do not like Jon Snow like that and...honestly? This is all too much. I'm getting a headache.

When it becomes obvious that I'm not going to play ball, Jon sighs. 'Look, Stark....you're funny and cute, in a...weird, quirky way...'

Wow, just what every girl wants to hear.

'But, like I said, Dany and I just broke up, and things are weird with us anyway. I don't know if we're gonna be getting back together or if I even want to but I just -'

Ok. No.

'Can you just shut up for like one second?' I snap.

He rears back with wide eyes, but a slow smirk begins to lift his lips. I hate those lips. But he sure knows how to use them.

Ugh! Stop it!

I squeeze my eyes shut again and breathe deeply, before turning to face him and straightening in my chair. I need this silliness to end now, I already have one mess to deal with.

'I don't need another brush-off, ok? I told you earlier...I don't like you that way. I'm not trying to date you.'

His eyes narrow with a frown and he waits for a beat before asking the question I know is coming. 'Then why did you kiss me?'

Why did you kiss me back? I want to ask. But that's not important right now.

I sigh in exasperation and a little groan slips free from my lips. 'I kissed you because I don't like you, alright?'

He just stares at me, so I groan again, in mortification this time, and bury my face in my hands for about 20 seconds. When I resurface he's watching me curiously, still and silent. Just waiting.

'Ok, here's the thing,' I say, the words rushing out. 'I don't actually like you. I just had to pretend that I liked you so that somebody else didn't think I liked them. They were in the hallway earlier, you see, and I just had to act fast. I didn't think, I just...' I shrug. 'It was the first thing I thought of to do. Sorry....for what it's worth.'

Boy am I sorry.

He takes all of this information in with unnerving calm, his eyes sweeping over me, their gaze unreadable. I fidget under his perusal.

Finally, he nods, a slow assent. 'Ok.'

Although I'm surprised that he seems to buy it so quickly, I breathe a sigh of relief and nod with a soft smile, ready to turn back to my milkshake...until I hear his voice again:

'Who?

My blood runs cold. 'What?'

'Who do you like?'

I laugh nervously. 'Uh, yeah...no. I'm not telling you that.'

'Why?'

I give him a look. 'Because nobody knows. Why would I tell you, of all people?'

He rears back in mock insult. ''Of all people?' Damn, Stark. You wound me.'

I just roll my eyes. 'Look, I explained, ok? I'm sorry I dragged you into this. Can we just leave it?'

He looks at me for a long time, as if contemplating. Then, finally, he nods. 'Yeah ok. I get it.' Shrugging, he picks up his coffee mug. 'I figured it was something...like that. That's why I helped you.'

He takes a long sip and I watch him. Naturally. He makes it look positively carnal. 'Helped me,' I repeat slowly as he swallows, the action working the muscles of his throat.

He glances over at me, nonplussed. 'Yeah. That's why I kissed you back.'

My face heats. Just hearing him talk about kissing me feels weirdly intimate.

I don't know what to say to that, but luckily, as always, he fills the silence. 'I figured if a girl jumps on you without warning in the middle of the hallway at school, it's usually for a good reason. So I just...went with it.' Another shrug.

I swallow against my suddenly dry mouth. 'Right. Well...thanks...for the help. I guess.'

This is weird. I'm thanking Jon Snow for kissing me. I'm talking to Jon Snow about him kissing me. And all because my secret love letter to him got leaked by some unknown assailant.

What the hell even is my life?

He nods and carries on just sipping away, nonchalant, as if this is of no consequence. As if girls throw themselves on him for no reason all the time and – ok, well. They probably do.

'So anyway,' I say, abandoning my half-drunk milkshake and standing, suddenly needing some fresh air. 'I really appreciate your help. But now that you know I'm not interested in you and now that I've said thank you...I can take it from here.' I try for a smile, but I can feel the tightness of it and can only imagine how it looks. 'Thanks. Again.'

He looks me over once more, a maddening glint in his eye that, Gods help me, I can't seem to fathom. And I just stand there, waiting for him to speak like I'm completely at his mercy. Just like every bloody girl at our school, I think with an inward scowl.

When he finally opens his mouth, he doesn't say what I think he will.

He nods over my head towards the window behind me. 'Is that really your bike outside?'

I flush. 'No. It's my neighbour's.'

His lips twitch. 'How old is she?'

'12,' I reply, as I fidget sheepishly.

Another amused twitch of his lips. 'Why do you have it?'

Gods, what is this, Twenty Questions?

'I paid her to use it, ok? Can I go now?'

'Why would you do that?'

I inwardly groan, but then take a deep breath and fix him with a level look. He was right before. He did help me. I shouldn't be rude.

'I needed to leave my house quickly and it was my only means of escape.' I stare at him, hard. 'Satisfied?'

He just continues to stare at me in that infuriating way of his. I have no idea what he's thinking, but he looks like he's trying to figure something out.

'He was there, wasn't he?' He asks a moment later, his voice sharpened by a knowing edge.

'Who?'

'The guy you have a crush on.'

My stomach drops as he continues. 'He was at your house and you ran away from him.'

My cheeks flame, but instead of denying it I just shrug and look at my feet.

Jon is quiet. And then, in an inquisitive, almost tender voice, 'You must really not have wanted to see him, huh?'

I close my eyes. 'No. Can I go now?'

When I open them a moment later he has a different kind of glint in his, like he's suddenly determined and resolved. I can't make heads nor tails of it, but I don't feel like staying around any longer to figure it out.

'Can I go now, Jon?' I practically whisper.

And maybe it's the look in my eyes or the sound of my voice, but everything about him softens. 'Of course.'

I nod and grab my phone, hastily leaving the diner with nothing more than a wave at a startled Dee. I can't blame her, I didn't even finish my shake. I ALWAYS finish my shake.

I cycle home quickly, fleeing my sanctuary for the very place I was running from before.

I'm so eager to just get away that I don't give much thought to what Jon said before I left, not until I'm lying in bed later that night, being woken from sleep by my phone chiming with several messages.

Too tired and disoriented to remember that I'm supposed to be avoiding my inbox, I swipe the lock screen and go into the text chain with my BFF, Jeyne, which is littered with message upon message. ALL CAPS. Some just consisting of emoji's, which I'm sure are supposed to spell out messages I can't currently decipher with my sleep added brain. Not that I can even when I'm awake, if I'm being honest. Jeyne is an emoji fiend and would write her school assignments with them if she could get away with it.

I squint as I scroll back to the top of the text block and read.

Jeyne: OH MY GOD, GIRL! YOU BETTER START TALKING NOW! Jeyne: JON SNOW!? Jeyne: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Jeyne: WHAT THE HELL?! WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME?! I THOUGHT WE WERE BFF'S! YOU BITCH.

- followed by a winky face to tell me she's (mostly) joking.

Jeyne: SPILL. NOW!

- comes the latest message, and I sigh before cricking my neck and tiredly typing back.

Me: It's nothing. I'll explain tomorrow.

She probably just heard about the kiss in the hallway. I'll invent some story for her when I'm more awake. I won't tell her about Gendry, though. I never have. Never told anyone, not even my closest friend. Mostly because...well, I love the girl, but Jeyne is a blabbermouth. Not maliciously. It's a defect. She talks. A lot. To anyone and everything. She'd have a conversation with an inanimate object if she could. And she can't stop herself. It's not like I expect her to go marching up to Arya and Gendry and reveal all of my secrets. No, it would probably just come out accidentally via an ill-timed comment or something. Like word vomit.

No, I won't tell her the real reason I kissed Jon. But I'll make something up. I'll sort it out. Just not now. I'm so tired. So tired and I need -

Jeyne: NOTHING? Jeyne: THAT'S NOT WHAT HE SAID!

I narrow my eyes in confusion. He said? What?

Me: Who?

It takes her all of a second to type back.

Jeyne: JON!

What?

My stomach dips.

She talked to Jon? Oh gods. What did he say? Why did he say anything? Why is he talking about us and our kiss? Oh shit, I think as my blood freezes. Dd he tell Jeyne I liked someone? She won't know it's Gendry, of course, but she'll pester me incessantly about the identity of the culprit and, knowing me, I'll cave under the pressure like a tower of cards.

I hurriedly type a reply.

Me: What do you mean? What did he say? When?!

It takes her longer to answer this time and I know it's because she's sending a longer message...which instantly sets my nerves on edge.

In hindsight, the way it happens is a strange sort of serendipity. A slow-motion train wreck. For something to go this colossally wrong, everything must intersect and collide at the exact right, or in this case, wrong, moment.

If Gendry had not appeared at my house when he did, then I may not have chosen then to escape, and would have perhaps missed little Lyanna Mormont standing there in the street with her bike. Had I not sought my freedom on the ridiculous contraption at the very same second Jon happened to be driving up to my house, he may not have followed me to Dee's and cornered me into opening up to him about my crush. And, most importantly, he may not have experienced the lapse of sanity that inspired him into doing what he did when he ran into my best friend later that night.

When her text finally comes through, I skim it with trepidation.

Jeyne: Me and mum went to the Chinese takeout place on Addison this evening and Jon was there. So of course I said 'hi' because duh! It's Jon! He's soooo dreamy! And I thought he might not really recognise me or know me at first but then he did a double take and said 'hi' back. And THEN he said, 'You're Stark's friend, right?'

My belly sinks again and I continue reading.

Jeyne: So of course I was surprised that he mentioned you. I mean, I know you guys used to hang out sometimes when you and Dany were friends but it's not like you really have had anything to do with each other since then, right? So I said, 'That's right, you know her?' And he smiled and went, 'Yeah, I know her...'

Dot dot dot.

What the hell?! She rambles incessantly and ends before the best part with a dot dot dot??? Damn her. Always so bloody dramatic. I know she's only doing it to mess with me.

What?! What did he say?! I type, my fingers practically punching the screen.

The three little dots pop up, I hold my breath and then her words appear...and my mouth falls open.

'He said, 'Yeah I know her...I'm her boyfriend.''

#jonsa #actuallyjonsa #jonsaff #jon x sansa #jonsa fic #jonsa fanfic #jonsa fanfiction #jon x sansa fic #jon x sansa fanfic #jon x sansa fanfiction #*m #my fics #tatbilbmcficmine

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makeste · 6 years

Text

BnHA Chapter 052: “I Was Almost Too Late”

Previously on BnHA: Tomura’s gang of Noumus wreaked havoc on the city. Fucking Endeavor showed up to lend Gran Torino some support. Deku realized Iida was in trouble. Iida got all kinds of fucked up by Stain and tearfully monologued about how much he loves his brother. Stain was not moved and went in for the killing blow. Then my boi Deku showed up with the clutch last minute save.

Today on BnHA: Deku shows off his big hero brain and rad deductive reasoning skills. Iida is all, “DEKU, DON’T INTERFERE!” even though he’s just lying on the ground waiting to get murdered. Deku tries to hold off Stain using full cowl and it’s briefly the coolest thing ever, but then Stain grazes him with one of his blades and Deku gets paralyzed too. Stain is all, “you’re cool so I won’t kill you,” and yet again tries to kill Iida. Yet another U.A. student shows up before he can actually do so, because Iida apparently has a backup quirk of summoning main characters whenever he’s about to die.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 126 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

um... what

[frantically checks chapter number like three times even though it’s printed right there]

lol what. is this a dream?? a flash forward? DO WE HAVE TO GO BACK KATE

WAIT A SEC. this is a color page! and 52 weeks in a year = 52 chapters in a year = it’s been one year in real time. that’s what they’re talking about

well, congratulations! but don’t fucking confuse me like that you assholes

GASSSSPP

POPULARITY POLL

I PREDICT TODOROKI AT NUMBER ONE, FOLLOWED BY DEKU, FOLLOWED BY BAKUGOU, FOLLOWED BY ALL MIGHT, FOLLOWED BY... WELL IN A JUST WORLD IT’D BE MY BEST GIRL OCHAKO BUT I GUESS WE’LL SEE

oh lord now there’s a two-page spread, and okay I have to risk spoiling myself because this page deserves to be viewed in color

okay found it

I just really love Bakugou’s pose and Aizawa’s grumpy sleeping bag face in the back. also Momo getting her drink on

WHERE THE FUCK IS THE POLL. DO I HAVE TO GO HUNT THAT SHIT DOWN. SHIT. I’LL DO IT LATER

(ETA: didn’t realize this was just the poll announcement and I still had to wait 10 more chapters for the actual results lol)

all right so flashback to Deku running with a 5% One for All speed boost to get to Iida before anything bad happens

he’s thinking about the coincidental appearance of several new Noumus in the same city where the Hero Killer had previously been rampaging about. and he’s wondering if it’s a sign that said killer and the League of Villains have teamed up

good instincts there Deku

and of course he’s realized that Iida went after Stain, since all the signs point in that direction. he’s read enough comics to know when a young hero has gone running off on his own on an ill-advised quest for vengeance

back to the present! Deku is all YEAH I WAS FUCKING RIGHT

(ETA: Deku saying “bingo”, which he does in English, with that satisfied “FUCKIN’ KNEW IT” expression, may be my favorite moment in this entire arc, and I mean that unironically. love it)

Iida looks totally shocked to see him and can you blame him?? he was literally about to die and all of a sudden fucking Deku shows up out of nowhere to punch the strong villain guy in the face? Deku who was supposed to be off on his own internship miles and miles away? and who wouldn’t have had any idea that Iida had gone off on his solo vengeance quest?

just goes to show, don’t underestimate the main character’s propensity for sniffing out trouble and getting involved in the middle of it, Iida

(ETA: since I’ve complained a little about the suspension of disbelief required for some of the coincidences in this arc, I just want to clarify that this is not one of those moments. I actually really like that Deku’s logic was explained, and that he didn’t just randomly stumble across Iida, but was actively looking for him after narrowing down his search radius)

anyway so Stain’s rebounding now and he does recognize Deku from Tomura’s photo

Deku is so fucking smart

can we all agree that even without One for All he still would have made a great fucking hero. worst case, he would have been like the most legendary detective of all time, probably

Deku asks Iida if he can move. good, he’s not dumb enough to try and take this guy on alone if he can help it

but the problem is Iida can’t move. apparently Stain’s quirk took effect when he was cut

shit. so... lol Deku! better not fucking get cut. time to put those new One for All skills to the test in a trial by fire

Deku considers just carrying Iida (he’s strong enough now lol), but then he sees the other hero guy lying there nearby, and he can’t get both of them

and now Iida is putting in his two cents, and. wow guys. this is easily the dumbest thing anyone has ever said in the whole series up until this point

JUST LEAVE ME HERE TO DIE, FAM. IT’S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, IIDA

Stain seems to admire Deku’s heroism, but he says that it’s his duty to kill these guys, and if Deku’s going to stand in his way, well then. you can see where this is going

what happened to that whole “I don’t kill kids, the people I kill all deserve it, this is for the good of society” and all that other shit

and he says “the weaker of us will be culled” with a scary face. and Deku looks intimidated because he can see that this guy truly believes the bullshit he’s spouting right now, and he knows that makes him extra dangerous

but when this guy says “the weaker of us”, I don’t know if he realizes that there’s a good fucking chance that’s actually him

also, I’m still half-expecting Todoroki to show up if this gets bad. though part of me hopes it doesn’t happen since it's so tropey. if he was hanging out with Endeavor, it’d make more sense for him to team up with him and Gran. or maybe join the fight against all of the Noumus downtown

Deku is reaching behind him and clicking something. it looks like his phone; I wonder if he called for backup

he’s realizing now that he’s on his own. but he’s also saying that he needs to “buy some time” so I hope he did call for help

Iida is screaming at him but dude, you really expect Deku to just leave you? I know you’re not thinking straight, but that’s suicidal at best and borderline insulting at worst. I hope Deku chews you out later

oho!

okay, two things I like here! number one, quoting one of All Might’s better lessons. and number two, THE FUCKING SMILE OMG. this is easily the most AM-like he’s been to date and it looks good on him, damn

look at Iida’s face

fucking relax?? you’re really killing my buzz here. just wait. Deku’s got this

probably

so Deku’s charging at Stain and Stain’s bringing the sword out! BOY YOU BETTER DODGE THAT SHIT OR ELSE IT’S A ONE-HIT KO WITH HIS QUIRK

YESSSSSSS

ALL RIGHT SON LET’S DO THIS

Stain thinks to himself that Deku made the smart move by getting in close, so he can’t use his long blade effectively. but now he’s pulling out one of his knives!

AHHHH YESSSS NOT SO FAST MOTHERFUCKER

(ETA: holy shit you can actually see two tiny droplets of blood by Deku’s arm, though. that’s so cool that you can go back and pinpoint the moment when he gets grazed and doesn’t realize)

I’m honestly starting to get a little nervous as to what’s going to happen, because so far Deku is making this look fucking easy, and I figure that in order for the suspense to be maintained, surely something has to go wrong soon, right?

then again

lmao every time Stain tries to hit him he’s fucking gone. pretty safe to say he’s got the speed advantage here I think

AND HERE HE COMES NOW WITH THE SMASH

EVEN AT JUST FIVE PERCENT, THAT SHIT STILL LOOKS LIKE IT HURT

oh my god

sure!! because why would Deku ever come up with his own fighting style when he could just keep ripping off Bakugou’s playbook until the end of time?! I love this so much

anyway, so that was one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen, so naturally something terrible is about to happen I assume?

OH FUCK ME FUCKING SHIT

Deku’s trying to figure out what’s going on -- “did he graze me?”

I can’t tell for sure but it seems like there is indeed a sliiiight teeny tiny cut on his upper arm. fuck

although now Deku is thinking “no that’s not it! it’s blood!” and I have no idea what he’s talking about?

Stain’s walking up to him all calm. he says Deku lacks power but did a good job tracking his movements

see Iida, now if you want to freak out, I will allow it

oh shit??

never mind Iida

shit he’s walking back towards you!!

Stain please don’t kill Iida right in front of a paralyzed and helpless Deku oh my god

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh snap

WHO CALLED IT?! YEAH THAT’S RIIIIGHT

WHY SO SURPRISED, DID YOU NOT SEE THIS COMING

LMAO MEANWHILE I ONLY PREDICTED IT BECAUSE I KNEW FROM THE ANIME THAT HE DID GO TO INTERN AT ENDEAVOR’S AGENCY. IT’S THE ANIME’S FUCKING FAULT. I SHOULD STOP WATCHING FOR A WHILE, BUT I JUST LOVE THE SOUNDTRACK SO MUCH, AND IT’S SO MUCH FUN TO SEE THESE SCENES IN ACTION DAMMIT

ANYWAY!!!

OHHH MY GODDD

DEKU HIT HIM UP IN THE GROUP CHAT I CAN’T I’M DONE FOREVER

SO THEN HE DID KNOW HE WAS COMING. MAYBE HE JUST LOOKS SO SHOCKED BECAUSE OF THE STRESSFUL SITUATION HE WAS IN ONLY SECONDS EARLIER

ALSO, LOOK AT THIS HANDSOME MOTHERFUCKER IN HIS NEW FUCKING COSTUME

hey google play Arsonist’s Lullabye

BONUS:

Ochako’s meal plan wtf

she doesn’t eat

what the fuck did I just read

what the shit I don’t even get it. how’s it supposed to be funny. is it making fun of diets or making light of poverty wtf

whatever. I may honestly delete this bonus section, since it contains absolutely nothing of value and just ruins all that cool shit Todoroki and Deku just did

(ETA: well in the end I didn’t delete it. I’m not gonna post any of the rest of these segments though. they’re pretty terrible and it’s easier for me to just pretend they don’t exist)

#bnha #boku no hero academia #makeste reads bnha #midoriya izuku #iida tenya #stain (bnha)#todoroki shouto #you bet I have theme songs picked out for all my favorite characters by this point #what else am I supposed to do #*not* make sure all my music is bnha-themed whenever I read?#come on

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moonbelt · 6 years

Text

»mind over matter

↳ neighbors to lovers au

⇢ pairing: jaebum | reader

⇢ genre: fluff + slight angst + sexual themes

⇢ word count: 9.704

⇢ description: as it turns out your cat loves your neighbors apartment more than yours. consequently it happens to belong to the new neighbor dude that’s stuck comforting you after a measly break-up.

author’s note: born out of this request, and the sheer need to read a neighbor au fic haha. i hope you enjoy it anon! i really hope i did this justice!!

It takes only a moment for your life to change right before your eyes. And although you had never been one to abide or listen to corny quotes ripped off the internet, your step-mother had framed more than half of them around your apartment. In an attempt to bring "life" into your dingy residence. You hadn't even realized that they could, in fact, be true. Actual facts.

You had long since accepted the fact that there were always greater things at work. You were in control of your life but not that of others. Everything had a cycle, a plan, and that didn't by default make it any fair. Nothing in life ever was, your mother had drilled into your head, but that didn't stop you from resenting it.

You resented the things you could not change and loathed the things you could. Like how you could've prevented this whole shit-show from happening if you'd opened your eyes a little wider and seen all the thorns beneath the roses. The thorns being your ex-boyfriend. Major emphasis on the ex because you wouldn't be caught dead crawling back to that bastard, Theo.

Theo. It all led to him.

Well not necessarily everything, more like anything that had to do with your romantic and, in a long round-about, extended way, your social life. A deep shudder racks through your body as you begin to think about him. Oh God, you wanted so badly to run out of your apartment and back to his and smack his head so hard he saw the stars all the way from the Upside Down.

So maybe you're being a bit overdramatic when you say: All the moments that have happened so far in your life were, inevitably, leading to shit. But in no way are you not entitled to say it.

Your boss had nitpicked everything you'd done all day, creeping steadily up your already tensed nerves. One of your colleagues — René — was always within earshot when this happened, like glue you couldn't scrape off no matter how hard you tried. Always ready to throw a sly remark your way every time your boss had something to complain about. The only thing stopping your fist from connecting firm with her jaw was the fact that you prided yourself on having more class than her.

This decision that you wrongfully, and albeit naively, made came back to bite you deep in the ass.

Reason one as to why you're cooped up in your small apartment alone on a Friday night. Keyword in that sentence is: alone. You suppose that the blame doesn't lie with René alone. It's more eighty percent Theo and twenty percent René. Theo. Even his name begins to remind you of quickly decomposing poop. You would never have guessed him to be a cheater, but then again you had been blinded by whatever the heck it was you'd seen in him.

You shudder for the nth time that night as you bring your blanket closer to your chin and sigh into your chest. This whole situation is stupid and you're positive that in three months you'll look back at it and laugh. But not now. Now you'd rather throw yourself into watching your favorite French melodrama titled Piégé.

At first, you'd only started watching it in a bid to get more accustomed to the language as you were taking a French course in college and you did not want to fail. But it had been approximately eight months since you'd graduated university and you were under no obligation to be watching it anymore. In fact, you have no idea how you even got into Piégé in the first place, but at least it's helping you attempt to forget what a shitty boyfriend Theo had been. Never mind that the series is filled to the brim with unnecessary drama. But, hey! You'd rather watch the drama about other people's lives than dwell on the drama brewing in yours.

Turning your attention back to your laptop that's gingerly placed on your lap, you try to get immersed back into the film. The main character — Alphonsine Vernoux — is saying, no screaming, at her boyfriend to get out of her apartment because she "can't be with him because our parents would never approve." Her boyfriend, a man named Jean-Louis refuses and long story short — because there's a lot of back and forth squabbles that ultimately mean the same thing; Alphonsine and Jean-Louis have really hot make-out sex.

The scene though is disrupted by your phone beeping off with the arrival of a new text message. It's from Youngjae, your best and only friend from work. For a moment, you're tempted to ignore it and watch Jean-Louis push Alphonsine up against the wall in sexy frustration. But alas, you decide against it, Youngjae probably has a really good reason for seeking out your companionship, even if it does come in the form of a text and my actual speaking.

Youngjae: Did you know a Tarantula spider can survive for more than two years without food?? [9:32 pm]

You fight a laugh as you think of an answer. And you'll admit, you had no idea this particular breed of spider could survive that long. You figure he must be watching another documentary because this is a reoccurring theme. Almost every(?) night, Youngjae sends you threads of rapid-fire texts narrating the things he found out from animal documentaries, that he's definitely already watched a thousand times but still is beyond fascinated by. Usually, you also sent him texts about Piégé but today you weren't feeling it.

You: really??? thats cool. maybe i should hope to be a tarantula in my next life? [9:33 pm]

Youngjae: lol who says you even have a next life? might be ur last one right now [9:36 pm]

Youngjae: oh hey, i was gonna ask you. are you and theo down to go watch a movie tomorrow? that new horror movie you were wanting to see is playing [9:36 pm]

You stare at your phone for a good ten minutes wondering what exactly you should send as a reply, berating yourself for having not yet told Youngjae about the things that transpired between you and Theo. That you caught Theo in bed with René roughly a week ago and you doubt you even want to tell him.

You know he won't pity you, Youngjae would most likely feel saddened by the events but not pity directed at you. Maybe pity directed at Theo? Because he damn sure lost the second-best thing that happened in his life, the first best thing being Ara, your cat. And it's not like you're heartbroken and devastated by what happened, you feel more sad about it than anything. Sad and tired. Five months with that dude and it all amassed to absolutely nothing.

The only thing that seems able enough to break you out of your trance state is the loud blaring of your alarm clock as it reads you the time. Nine forty-five. Time for you to feed your cat. Your cat that always seems to magically disappear once you get home from work. You groan. Ara had always been fonder of Theo than you, after all, he had been the one to pick her out. You had wanted a dog but as always, Theo had convinced you. And even though at first, you'd hated how Ara scratched almost everything in sight, she'd grown on you and now you wished she'd done the same.

Pushing yourself off the sofa, you make your way to your apartment searching for Ara. Usually, she likes to hang in dark places, ergo your closets, but after you make two rounds of opening and closing every drawer or door without finding her, you begin to think that something has gone amiss.

Alphonsine Vernoux is still going on whatever new drama has befallen her. She talks in rapid French that you don't understand completely because of the lack of your trusty subtitles. Well not talking, more screaming than anything. She always seems to do more screaming than actual talking, but maybe that's just you.

"Merde!" She cries now, and if the broken understanding of the language is anything to go by. Fuck! is the translation.

Fuck it really is. You can't lose a cat. Correction: you can't lose your cat. You love Ara too much and although the love isn't reciprocated in the same way you want, you can't be responsible for the death of a good ole cat.

Okay, so maybe the 'good' is an oversimplification but you don't want the blood of anything on your hands, with a little exception for Theo, you're not above getting into a catfight with him (which you technically already did, although the damage was mainly done with words.) Calling Theo a bloody bastard and airing out all his dirty laundry (mainly his nauseating habits that you'd pushed to the side) to dry in front of his new fling, René was as much metaphoric blood you were willing to have sprayed on your hands. Maybe you were being more influenced by your dramas than you thought?

But back to the real point at hand, you do not want ill to befall anyone (apart from Theo). And especially not your cat.

You're so far gone with searching every nook and cranny of your little apartment for a hint of Ara that you don't notice the incessant knocking that has started tapping up your door. Quickly, you drop the pile of clothes you'd thrown out of your wardrobe, as you had raided to look for Ara, and head over to your front door.

Peering up through the peephole, you try to decipher who's there. Hopefully not Theo. He'd tried stopping by twice since you broke up with him and it always ended in you telling him to get the hell out and he claiming to have made a "grave mistake" and all that jazz that you do not believe which leads to you yelling at him to leave again. Jesus Christ, you were turning into a miniature Alphonsine, the only thing missing was the hot sex. Which you weren't getting any time soon and even if you were, it sure as fuck wasn't coming from Theo.

But regardless of this new discovery, you're still in no mood to see him today. You already have to deal with him every day at work and you'd rather not bring that hell of a mess home.

So, when you pull the door open the door, you're somewhat already preparing yourself to clash face-to-face with your ex. Ready to send him away again because, for the love of God, you're not going to hand him a second chance even if your life depends on it. But instead of Theo, it's someone completely different. Someone that's holding a sleepy Ara in his hands, scratching her head lightly.

"Oh my god," you say, reaching for Ara and taking her cautiously into your arms. You know better than to try and disrupt her sleepy state. "Thank you so much. I had no idea she even left the apartment."

The man waves away your gratitude with a shrug, smiling in a blithe manner. "It's no problem at all. I'm not sure if you noticed but she likes coming to my apartment a lot."

This is news to you but you don't want to seem as incompetent as you feel in front of this stranger, so you force a smile unto your face and try to relax the tensions in your shoulders.

"Really? I'm sorry but I have to ask, who are you?"

A look of embarrassment washes over his features as he soaks in your words. Maybe you were too harsh, calling him out like that? But you truly didn't know him at all. There was no way you'd ever forget a face like his, you don't think. He didn't have rough around the edges, rogue looks like Theo (or any of your exes, to be honest) but he had a sort of laidback and soft vibe with black locks falling short off his shoulders in smooth bouncy waves.

Clearing his throat, he replies. "I'm your neighbor, Jaebum. You can call me Jae for short. I moved in about four weeks ago? Sorry I wasn't able to introduce myself earlier, but yeah, your cat likes to come over to my place and at first I really did think she was a stray, that's why I've been taking care of her anytime she showed up but had I known, I would've never tried to impose on you like that, that was—"

You have a feeling that he's not going to stop rambling unless you do the honors of helping him. So, you interrupt.

"It's okay, don't worry about it... Jae. She can do that sometimes. I really should get her a collar or something."

Since she'd mostly stayed at Theo's place and not yours, you hadn't thought about getting her one before. Theo didn't want it on her and you hadn't really thought about the possibility of losing her. Mainly because the events that surrounded you bringing Ara to your place had been unnerving. You'd found Theo in bed with Rene and subsequently, you had stormed out of there (after giving him a full piece of your broken mind) with Ara in your hands and your car keys already fumbling with trying to open your car.

"What's her name?"

Jaebum — Jae — is the one to shake you out of your thoughts, looking genuinely curious to know the answer to his question. You figure there's nothing wrong with telling him, especially since he'd been kind enough to take care of her in your negligence.

"Ara," you finally say, giving him a dry smile. "Thank you for taking care of her for me in my absence."

He shrugs again, running his hand through his hair and you watch as Ara meows as she stretches her body towards him. You still in your movements of scratching the top of her head. She never does that. At least, she's never done that to you, she'd always craved Theo's attention and now you see, she craves Jaebum's.

Maybe she's going through a phase where she only wants male attention?

You think it'll be rude to send him on his way without making small talk so after a while of restraining Ara in your arms, you fix your gaze back to him and say:

"So... do you have any cats?"

"Yeah. Three but one is staying over at my sisters for the meantime."

Wow. You don't think you could ever be responsible for more than two lives, you could barely remind yourself to have three meals a day and had to set timers to feed Ara because, god willing, you are bound to forget to one way or another. So, for that reason alone, you begin to hold this neighbor of yours on a higher pedestal. Taking care of three cats doesn't sound as comfortable or easy, you admire him for that.

"You must really love cats then," you snort to yourself at how obvious you're being. Of course, he loves cats, he has three.

He nods his head, probably realizing that this is his cue to leave. "Cats are amazing. Anyways, it was nice meeting you..."

"y/n," you fill in for him.

Jae smiles at your name as he continues on. "It was nice meeting you, y/n. If Ara ever needs to hang out with other cats or anything like that, mine seem to love her more than me."

Oh, how you can relate. Ara seems to like everyone else on the planet but you, her caregiver. You frown. Maybe you're feeding her food she doesn't like? You make a mental note to research more on cat food before you turn in for the night.

"Nice meeting you too, Jae. Hopefully, we see each other sometime."

Against your own words, you do not, in fact, see each other sometime after that. If not for the fact that you're mainly preoccupied with due dates from work, you think you would have gone out of your way to make sure it happened because contrary to what your heart was telling you, you thought he was kind of cute. Well, not kinda. You really thought he was cute.

And if it had been of your own will, you would've long ago tried to ask him out on a date because hell, your single and ready to move past your ex. But your boss has ridiculously been on your case the past few weeks and by the luck of your fate, you've been paired, for the latest project, with René. René that refuses to let a day go by without rubbing into your face the "amazing" sex she's having with Theo, not that you even care. Fuck, you really want to deck her. How can someone be so un-classy about having your sloppy seconds? You'd never know.

Either way, René doesn't seem to be any help with the project. You've tried to work with her, although you really want to shove a stiletto heel through her eye for always going on and on about your fucking ex, she is adamant on not being productive or helpful. You wonder how she even got her job as a secretary in the first place. If you were the boss you'd never hire her. But in any case, you're stuck with her unhelpful ass for the next two weeks until the presentation to pitch a new update would be held.

"Ugh," you sigh to yourself as you lay on your living room floor, staring idly at your laptop. "This isn't going anywhere."

True to form, René had forgotten to send you the age demographics of people that had been using your company's app in the last six months. And without that vital information, you were stumped with how to prepare your speech. You wish you could call her and ask her to email it to you ASAP, but you know from experience that she would either ignore it or send you something completely irrelevant. What did you ever do to warrant such unprofessionalism from her, you wonder.

Flipping on your back, you stare absentmindedly at your ceiling. Maybe you should go out? It is a Wednesday night and you're almost certain that you're not going to clubbing today but you want to get out. So, after minutes of deliberating, you decide that you would go jogging. It's been a long time since you'd done anything active, you preferred to stay inside and watch stuff. But Piégé isn't scheduled to release a new episode until tomorrow, and you're bored.

Quickly, you go back to your room and try to find your exercise clothes that are hiding behind more used clothing. When you open your closet, you're met with the piercing blue eyes of Ara and your skin jumps off your bones.

"Oh my god, Ara," you say after catching your breath. "Why do you always do this."

These days she seems to be sulking. Maybe she's finally realizing that Theo is a no-show and you're all she's got. She refuses to allow you to carry her anymore and you think she's going through some kind of withdrawal phase. The only time she comes out of her dark places is to eat or to sit in front of the front door. Waiting for what? You don't know. But you guess she might be waiting for a long time.

Gingerly, you lift Ara up and make fast work with finding your clothes. Once you do, you strip out of your pajamas and change into your athletic leggings, a long-sleeved shirt and tie your shoes. Ara has made her way to the living room and once again has resumed her spot in front of the door. Christ, maybe you should call Theo and have the two of you work out details about the rearing of Ara.

Maybe two weeks with him and then two weeks with you? But then again, he hasn't actually asked about Ara at all since the breakup, so you wonder if he even cares that she's gone. You check to make sure her collar is on her neck before you grab your phone, keys, and earphones. Even though you're sure she won't care, you blow Ara a kiss right before you close the front door and lock it.

As you're walking past the apartment next to yours — room 321, to be exact — their door opens and out comes Jae. He has a leash connected to two collars that are respectively connected to one white cat and another black one. You still have at least a few seconds to dash down the stairs without him seeing you but you find your feet remaining where they are and you find yourself saying:

"Oh, hey!" There's so much excitement in your voice that you inwardly cringe at it. "Long time no see."

He makes a loud noise of surprise when his gazes rests on you, his hands reaching out to clutch his chest. "Shit, that scared me."

You laugh at him. His hair is hidden behind a gray beanie and it helps you see his face clearly and you notice the little black dot above one of his eyes, it's cute — you think.

"Sorry," you say, not sorry at all.

He knows this and his mouth breaks into a low smirk. He makes a move to run his hand through his hair but stops halfway when he remembers that he cannot because of the beanie. "Are you heading out?"

You nod your head. "Yeah, this body isn't going to work out itself."

"I'm taking Kunta and Odd for a walk, mind if I join you?" He points at each cat when he says their name and they perk up when he says it.

You suddenly feel like going back to your apartment and hugging Ara, but you know she'd probably scratch your face against the skinship. So, you grit your teeth and focus on the cats in front of you instead.

"Not at all. Do you have a route you usually take?" You ask as the two of you walk down the stairs, Kunta and Odd in Jaebum's arms.

"It's a pretty simple one. From here to the park and back."

Fucking hell. The park is at least thirty minutes away by car, imagine how far it'll be by walking? You groan at the thought. This is the first time you're going jogging in months and by god, you need to take it slow or else you'll end up passed out before you even make a round trip. Jaebum must realize your distaste about the prospect of making a fifty-minute walk because he offers to cut it short. Faster than you'd like, you agree to his adjusting. Maybe in a few weeks, you'd be able to, but right now in the state that you're in, you doubt you'll last.

Outside the August air is not as hot as you thought it'd be so you're thankful that you had enough sense to wear a long shirt because if not, you'd be tempted to run back inside your apartment and watch reruns of Piégé in the comfort of your bed. Jae sets his cats on the ground, oblivious to your internal turmoil, and begins to lead the way. Easily, you fall into step with him.

You find out that he's a very fast walker as you try to keep a conversation going. You ask him about his job and find out that he owns a pizzeria, to your astonishment. You'd always wanted to be your own boss, sadly that was a bust. He tells you that running his own place is pretty fun minus a few exceptions but it was a family business so, once he graduated college his father passed it on.

He asks you about what you do for fun and you tell him about your obsession — love — for Piégé with a pride in your voice. Although you tell him that you can't really watch it without subtitles since your French is still lacking, he seems blown by it regardless and you feel satisfied for some reason. Like you've impressed him a little.

After almost a good fifteen minutes of keeping the same pace and you feel as if you're finally getting the hang of things, he breaks into a run. You think you can keep up, you're not that out of shape but before you know it, you're struggling to release a breath and you're about ready to collapse on the concrete ground in defeat. Even his freaking cats have better stamina than you, damn.

"You okay there, y/n?" Jaebum asks when he catches a glimpse of you almost knocking your knees against each other. Fuck, this is embarrassing.

Struggling you manage a response. "Definitely. I'm a just a little... peachy."

Jaebum snickers at you, folding his arms across his chest and halting his steps to allow you calm down. "Really? Wouldn't have guessed."

You're tempted to throw him the finger because you know he is mocking you but instead, you squat down and place your head in between your hands. It hasn't even been thirty minutes and you already want to quit, how the hell is he doing it? You raise your head and give him a once-over. In his black t-shirt and matching basketball shorts, you think, he definitely looks the part of a healthy runner.

"Are you checking me out?"

Whoa, you are most definitely not. Okay, maybe you are. But it's not like you can help it. He has pretty defined muscles and his smile sort of does something to you, you're not exactly sure what, but you'd be a fool to deny how sexy he looks. He doesn't come off as cocky or overbearing. His looks are more soft and easy on your eyes, a good kind of feeling.

"So, what if I am?" You cock an eyebrow at him.

He doesn't expect your reply. You know this because, after a few seconds of him looking out of his element, he clears his throat and says:

"I was not expecting that."

You scoff lightly at him, standing back to your full height and dusting imaginary dust off your leggings. He's cute, you think for maybe the second(?) time that night.

"I'm ready to continue if you are," you pull your hair strands together and tie them into a ponytail.

"You're telling me," Jaebum laughs softly at the smirk dancing on your lips. "Bet you'll need another break in fifteen minutes."

Rolling your eyes, you pat his shoulder playfully. "Try me."

And try you he does. If you thought he was running fast before, he turns into damn sonic in front of your eyes. Holy shit, he's fast. You know now that he's toying with you, making you eat your own words. You kick yourself in the shin because of this, if you had kept your mouth shut, none of this would have happened and you wouldn't be begging for another rest-stop not even ten minutes later.

Jaebum guffaws at you as you crash with a heap onto a wooden bench littering around the plaza. Your muscles are crying for help, you think you might need to order an Uber to take you home because this running thing just isn't going to work out.

"Try me," he repeats your words but with a mocking undertone. "You're way too cute, you know."

Apparently, you don't know because you can feel your ears getting hotter by the second. Keep it together, y/n! You scream to yourself. You're not some high schooler. You've successfully graduated university; you are an adult. Being called cute should not get you lightheaded, goddamn! But your words fall on deaf ears because your body is still heating up, you effectively blame it on the lack of oxygen reaching your head and nothing else. Of course, nothing else.

"Shut up," you mumble mainly to yourself but he hears it and breaks into another fit of laughter. "I'll have you know, I'm usually a good runner. I'm just not in the mood today."

Jae raises his hands up in faux surrender. "Hey, hey. I believe you."

You want to chuck your sneakers at him but restrain yourself because you know there has to be something that he's bad at and when you find it, by gods, you would never let it go. You laugh to yourself. Yep, all you have to do is survive this one embarrassing moment and you're sure the world would be kind enough to repay back for your deed.

After all, life was all about the moments. And contrary to how the moments in your life were adding up about two weeks ago, this time the moments in your life, you were sure, are going to lead to you getting sweet, sweet revenge on Jae. He can have his laugh right now but you know in the end, you'll be the only one laughing... you hope.

It takes a while for him to sober up but when he does, he squats down and gives his attention to Kunta and Odd. He treats them tenderly and talks to them in a voice akin to what someone would use on a baby. You're not paying any mind to what he's saying until you hear your name fall from his lips. Much to your dismay, he is telling his cats all about your blunder and how he thinks you'll probably "pass out any minute now."

You huff out a breath and repeat your mantra to yourself. The universe was going to slip up and let you see the thing he was bad at, but until then you resign yourself to instead try your best at catching your breath.

You watch Jaebum interact with his cats and a small portion of your resolve fades away. You can tell that he really does adore them and for a moment you long for Ara. She's soft and cuddly whenever she allows you to hug her, you feel at peace thinking about it. Definitely one of the only good things that came out of your past relationship.

Contrary to the laugh bubbling in his chest, Jae is the one to suggest that the two of you head back to the apartment building without completing the route. You guess he's taking pity on your exhausted state because you simply can't do it anymore. The walk back is better and you're somewhat thankful that he doesn't start running halfway through.

He asks you, tentatively, about your job and it takes you several moments before you decide to tell him about your position as a management and research officer at a fashion wear company. The brand is considerably popular and you've seen more than a handful of people wearing the outfits your company produces. It fills you with joy that you're able to work there, although these days that joy has been replaced by laced displeasure, courtesy of Theo and René.

You don't tell him about them though, it's not like you want to air out all your problems, but you tell him about Youngjae — your silver lining of sorts. You tell him about the days where Youngjae is the only thing that keeps you smiling with his new discoveries from animal documentaries. Youngjae and you have been friends since your freshman year at college and you think it's a miracle that the two of you managed to get accepted into the same workplace.

Jaebum points out his favorite coffee shop as you near the apartment complex. It's a big one, the biggest store on the block, and you know this because you pick your late coffee fix from there when you're heading to work every morning. He likes his coffee black, no sugar and you gag over-exaggeratedly.

"What? It tastes good," he says incredulously.

You shake your head remorsefully, appalled by his lack of quality coffee taste. "It tastes like liquid shit and you know it."

He concedes. "Okay, maybe it does. But it keeps me awake at least."

Smiling smugly at him, you revel in your win. "Still tastes like shit."

The two of you keep talking about seemingly irrelevant things; his favorite genre of music, your love for ice cream in the winter, his favorite author — which happens to be William Shakespeare. You were tempted to laugh at him and call him pretentious until you saw the admiration glowing in his eyes; it was enough to make you reevaluate and let him go on a full expedition of his favorite works by him.

You don't realize you've been listening to him describe this love for at most eight minutes until you're in front of your apartment door and it's time to say goodbye but you kind of want to keep listening to him. It's something he really cares about, you can tell and for a reason, you don't know, it fills you with a sort of contentedness watching him talk about Shakespeare with such fervor.

Leaning on your apartment door, you're about to pitch in your own opinion to something he's said when your gaze catches someone walking up behind Jae. Oh, fuck shit. Groaning, you close your eyes. This cannot be happening. Not now, not here. You aren't starring in a melodrama, so why does it feel like you've been assigned the role of the main character?

"y/n!" The last person on earth that you want to see says with so much excitement in his voice you want to hurl yourself at the sun.

You can sense the confusion rolling off Jaebum in waves. You don't want him to be caught in the crossfire that's bound to happen between Theo and you. You're not very good with confrontations, blame Alphonsine for teaching you it was best to scream it all out when push comes to shove. You peel open your eyes and focus them unwaveringly on Jaebum.

"It was really nice hanging—"

"y/n! It's me, Theo," he repeats, coming closer and sidling up to you. "I came with flowers."

And what the fuck are flowers supposed to do? Flowers aren't going to keep his dick from finding the nearest trash can and dumping his load in it. God, you wonder, whatever you had ever seen in him?

Jae furrows his eyebrows in concentration, trying to piece who Theo is to you. Kunta and Odd are quickly becoming restless, wanting nothing more but to go into their home already and you take this as your cue.

"It was amazing hanging out with you Jae," you offer him a smile, ignoring Theo. "But I have to go now. We should hang out soon though, yeah?"

You don't wait for an answer, instead, you grab Theo's wrist roughly, because you're furious at him, and drag him into your apartment. You're about ready to pounce on him, ask him why the hell he's here — you thought you'd made it clear that you didn't want anything to do with him, apparently not clear enough.

"Jae? Who's Jae?" He asks once he's in the solace of your apartment.

"That's what you're asking me?" Unbelievable. Simply unbelievable this fucker is. "How many times do I have to tell you that I fucking hate you?"

"You don't hate me, y/n. Right now, you're angry, I get it. But we can work through this—"

You can't bear to listen to the bullshit that's coming out of his mouth. The way he says your name like you’re some kid that's throwing a non-deserved tantrum, makes you clench your fists at your sides. How, the ever-loving heck, had you dated him for five months? You can barely stand him now.

"Shut up! God, just shut up and get out. Why do you keep embarrassing yourself? Go back to René. The two of you deserve each other."

"I love you," he says and you know he's pulling out all the stops tonight directly out of his ass.

"Oh, fuck your love," you push his shoulder and direct him to the front door. Suddenly you're very angry, boiling even, and you can swear a vein in your neck is about to burst. "Go. I'm not playing Theo. If you don't leave, I'll call security."

There's a shift in the air and suddenly Theo is too close. You've never been afraid of him before; Theo's all talk and no bite. However, right now the feeling that slithers through your body is unadulterated anxiety. You're not backed against a wall but you feel like your safety has been compromised and you want him out. Out of your house, out of your hair, out of your life.

"Get out. We're done." You manage to say without your voice shaking, but your heart is pounding furiously in your chest. "I don't want you here."

"But you want Jae?" His already rough face contorts to something uglier. "What does he have that I don't, huh?"

For starters, he hasn't cheated on you, not like there's much competition there. Theo isn't the smartest cookie in the box, he thinks more with his sexual body parts than he does with his brain. You could swear that if you knocked on his head a shattering hollow sound will echo out, can't say you'd be surprised.

Alphonsine Vernoux, you think to yourself, watch me and be proud.

"His dick is pretty impressive, not going to lie."

Even when you're shaking in your boots, you can't really resist the urge to engage in a catfight with him. Your step-mother had always told you to go down screaming and by god, you are not going to allow Theo to intimidate you for something you don't need to feel bad for. Because you don't.

"You are a fucking slut!" His voice is loud and you can't help the incredulous laugh that falls from your lips.

"Me? Newsflash Theo; we're not together anymore. I can do whatever the hell I want."

He doesn't deserve an explanation because it doesn't matter. If he can do it when he's in a relationship, what's stopping you from doing it when you're not?

"It hasn't even been a month, y/n," he says this like it would matter to you if it has been a year or three. He doesn't own you, he ever did and he never will. Moreover, did he expect you to wait a fucking month to get over his sloppy ass?

"Are you seriously saying this right now? You're the one that screwed somebody else when we were dating! Are you fucking stupid or what?"

Theo blinks a dozen times a minute, not quite understanding what you're saying. A pig, that's what he is. So, he was allowed to go around sticking his small as fuck dick in anyone he pleased, but god forbid you do the same? (let's not even put into consideration the fact that you're single as a circle sure as hell isn't straight.)

Oh, how you want to reach up and smack him so hard he fades to dust on the spot but you're not crazy and you don't want to abuse him, you just want him to leave you alone.

"You know what? Just get out." Without waiting for him, you pull open your door and push him out with as much force as you can gather. "If we're not at work, I don't ever want to see your sexist, disgusting ass ever again. Take your stupid flowers and go give it to a bitch that cares because it sure as hell isn't me."

And then you slam the door with so much fervor it shakes on its hinges. You pull at your hair, agitated and tired because you hate him so much. Why did you even think it was a good idea to date him? The selfish prick only thinks about himself and must be some different type of delusional to think flowers were going to do anything to salve your relationship. Christ, you'd basically left Jaebum standing like a fool outside and for what?

You are pretty sure that he probably heard all that just happened. The walls in this apartment complex are thin and it's not like you weren't screaming at the top of your lungs. Ugh, you doubt he'd even talk to you again but you truly can't bring yourself to care anymore. All that you want to do now is sleep. Sleep and forget about everything. Never in your life have you ever felt so humiliated. If you could go back in time and erase meeting Theo from your history, you wouldn't even bat an eyelid.

Furiously, you punch the air and imagine it's Theo's face. It feels good to do it, like your dishing out his own medicine. You truly can't believe he thinks you were going to turn celibate because you dumped him, did he really have no sense? You keep going at it, punching the air until it feels like you've connected with his jaw because frankly, it's helping you release all your pent-up tension and annoyance.

A set of knocks proves to be the only thing able to bring you out of your punching galore and without missing a beat you yell:

"Go away, Theo! I mean it when I say I'll call the police. Don't try me."

"It's not Theo."

Indeed, Theo, it is not. Scrambling, you rush over and jack open your front door for the third time that night and through your eyes you see a glassy and blurry silhouette of Jaebum standing at your doorstep. Oh, he's not what you're expecting.

Clearing your throat, you attempt to correct your previous words. "I'm sorry about that. You're obviously not Theo and I'm sorry again for being so rude earlier, I don't—"

You're not really sure where you're going with your apology because even though you know what you want to say, the words keep mangling and choking up in your throat before you can say them.

"You're crying," he states softly and you realize now how wet your cheeks have become and why your vision is all muddled up.

"I'm not," you lie because dammit, you shouldn't be crying over that douche. You hastily try to wipe the tear marks away with the back of your palm but oh boy, they keep on coming.

He hesitates for a second before he raises his palm up and uses his fingers to rub at the tear stains. "You are. I heard what he said earlier."

You stomp your feet in annoyance because this is so unfair. How dare your ex just waltz in here and make you regret one of the best nights you've had in a long, long time. How fu—

"I for one, think your ex is the dumbest donkey on the planet. Not that I meant to eavesdrop or anything because I'd never do that but fucking hell, does he really have no filter? I've never been more inclined to use my fists and punch the light into someone as much as I want to do it to that dude. He deserves it, I think."

You crack a smile at his ramblings. God, it's endearing when he goes off tangent. Especially when you can see that he's trying his best to stop you from crying — he's doing a phenomenal job because you've been reduced to irregular sniffling.

"I'm sorry that you didn't get to finish what you were saying about how Shakespeare should be treated in modern society." You refer to your earlier conversation before everything had blown bigger than you could contain it.

"y/n," he sighs out your name. "I honestly don't give a flying shit about that right now. Your ex-said some really rude things and I hope you know it's not true."

"I know. I don't even know why I'm crying, I guess I'm just frustrated because I should have known he wasn't the smartest or the loveliest. God, how could I have been so blind?"

Jae shakes his head slightly, releasing your cheek and instead grabbing your elbows to keep up grounded. "What's done is done, so it doesn't matter but I just couldn't stand to listen to him degrade you like that. You're an amazing person y/n."

"Thank you," you say and you mean it. "I probably would have gone and cried myself to sleep if it wasn't for you."

Truthfully, you think you still will. At this point, you want to rush to your bed and collapse into a deep sleep for at least ten years. Like you've said again and again; you're not devastated. But you're so tired. Tired of it all.

"Or you could show me that French TV show you like. I wouldn't mind staying up with you and watching it if it means that you won't cry yourself to sleep... obviously, don't do this if you don't want to. I mean, I wouldn't hold it against you. Your stupid ex just came in and ruined your night, I don't want to impose on you and make you uncomfortable or anything like that because uh, you know that would suck. So—"

Watching him ramble on, you imagine the gears in his turning. On one hand, you could take his proposition as a move on a very vulnerable person but on the other you can take it as someone, a very nice someone that your body and mind seem to be keen on keeping around longer than you want, trying to console you. And you don't know why, but you think it wouldn't be a bad idea to allow him to do that.

"It's okay. You can come in," you cut him short as you step aside and push your open door wider, flashing him a watery smile. "I'm not exactly sure if you'd enjoy Piégé though. Loads of drama."

His eyes flicker between your face and then the floor, you believe he didn't quite expect you to accept his offer. But then he shoots you a slow smile in response. "Good thing I love drama then."

It is because it turns out that Jaebum loves Piégé more than you. Gradually but surely, it becomes somewhat of a ritual for the two of you to go for a run (something that you definitely got better at) and come back home to your apartment and watch the newest episode together. Something you never thought would be happening when you first met him.

You don't know when exactly the switch came but it did — slowly. You couldn't really deny the sexual attraction brewing between the two of you, not you wanted to, but this time you didn't want to build a relationship only on the physical. This time you wanted to actually know the person you were becoming accustomed to. And although we, as humans, can never know all there is to know about another person because we do not even know all about ourselves, you at least want to try. Especially since he lets you do it.

Finding out that Ara becomes way less irritable when Jae is around is a golden opportunity that you don't miss, and hence use it to keep him at your apartment longer because screw it, you feel something with him.

So, it comes as no surprise to you when he texts you in the middle of your workday — three weeks later — telling you that he has successfully binge-watched the first four seasons of Piégé in two days and he finally was up to date on the happenings of Alphonsine Vernoux and her love, Jean-Louis, so by association, you were finally able to gush and rave about the newest additions along with him and god, that was a good feeling.

It's not the same kind of feeling you had with Theo or Seongwon or any of your exes. This is different. It's calm. Being with Jae is calm and relaxing. It's more of a slight-tingle-that-washes-all-over-your-body-until-you-can't-think-straight kind of feeling. It's not explosive or counterproductive and it doesn't make you want to tear your hair out by just thinking of it. Instead, it makes you want to flow with the waves and enjoy the seasons because you know no matter what, you feel warm.

He makes you feel warm. When he remembers that your favorite time of the year is Halloween and hence helps you prepare two months in advance so the two of you can coordinate costumes for Youngjae's annual Halloween party. When he listens to you rant on and on about how much you hate René for making some otherwise snarky comment about your love life and when he rejoiced with you when she finally! packed her bags and moved five states over to marry the dude you hope will last with her for a long time because you know nobody else on this goddamn planet will.

When you introduce him to your rather small friend group and he makes it a sole duty to try and get in their good graces, which to be honest wasn't hard. He makes you feel warm when you listen to him talk about his dreams and his hopes or when he listens to you talk about the new things your attention has latched onto.

He makes you feel proud whenever you stop by his pizzeria and watch him handle his business in a cool, organized fashion. Most times trying to impress you and most times you leave there fully impressed. You listen to him talk about how much his dream of wanting to write and get something — anything, published. His parents had been against it. But then you encourage him to do it because fuck, life is too short to not do the things you love. And you can tell he loves it; in the way, his eyes light up every time you ask him about it.

"It's all about the moments," you tell him as you pretend to not see the corny grin lacing his lips as you do so.

He pushes you over the edge when he challenges you to do the things you're too afraid to. You never admit your fears but somehow, he knows them and proceeds to drag you out of your shell. You would say you hate it, but not really. You hate how he knows you like the back of his hand. You're not sure how you feel whenever his arms wrap around you at night and pull you closer to him, filling your emptiness with something more.

There's so much to be said about the way he holds you. Like you were made for him. He tells you he believes "loving one person for a long time is enough." And as the days add up to weeks that add up to months, you begin to believe them too. Being with him makes you believe in the corny quotes ripped off the internet that your step-mother has ingrained into you. It makes you wish you'd believed in them sooner.

He makes you feel content with everything every time his lips come in contact with your skin. It wraps you whole and makes you want to choke out "I love you," again and again until he believes it and burns it in his mind because it's true. When he doubts whether he is enough for you because he believes you're too good for him, you want to scream it aloud at him. Oh, how you want to but, you're scared. It's been months — eight to be exact — and you're not particularly sure if it's enough time for him to believe your words.

But after several weeks of trying to get Jaebum out of this stalemate that he's in, of him thinking that you deserve better than him when really all you ever want is him, you decide that you've had enough.

You corner him after work. A few hours after you've already gone back to your apartment to grab Ara for her nightly jog, you'll be damned if you allow her only to sit on her ass and eat all day, and left her to fall asleep soundly in the living room.

He's wrapping up the last things left to do at his store — telling one of his workers, a girl named Haru, to leave for the night and that he'll close up — when you find him. Instead of walking in like you'd usually do, you wait outside.

You're nervous. More nervous than you've ever been in your entire life. You've known for quite some time now that you love Im Jaebum. You love him so much that it seems almost stupid to not let him know. You know he loves you back, if not for the fact that the two of you have been dating for the past eight — almost nine — months, his little nickname for you "my love," was enough to tip you off. And at this point, you don't care. You just want to let it all out.

When he comes out of his store, wrapping a scarf tightly around his neck, you think to yourself: this is it. Looping your arm through his, you watch as an affectionate smile automatically slips onto his face. God, this is so incredibly corny but you feel your stomach do flips.

"How was your day?" He asks you first, maybe because he can tell how nervous you are. "Anything happen?"

You shake your head. "Not really. I did pitch in this really good idea though and my boss actually liked it. I thought I would cry."

"Bet you did," he chuckles out, wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

"Did not. I would never cry in front of that woman. She'd probably fire my ass because of 'disruption or negligence of duties.'"

Jae snorts at that but doesn't say anything in response. Instead, his fingers rub slow circles on your shoulders and you think maybe he knows something is up with you. You know it's not that big of a deal, truly. You've told him how much you love him by your actions every day since the day the two of you got together but it still feels oddly different trying to get the words out because you feel like they'll come out wrong.

It's not till you reach the big coffeehouse, the one Jae adores, that he finally stops to ask you:

"Babe, what's wrong?"

And before you can stop yourself or even think through your next actions, you throw your arms around his neck and flush your lips against his. For a moment, he's stunned into stupidity but soon enough he's clasping one of his hands around your back and threading the other one through your hair and you're sighing into you him. "I love you." He laughs into your neck because it's so obvious.

"I know."

"No, no," he doesn't. Not in the way you're trying to say it. You break away, dazed. "I love you. I love you no matter what. I love your stupid bets to get me out of bed in the evening to go running with you, I love your writings and the little post-it notes you have stuck everywhere in my apartment. I love how you don't make me feel weak for crying when I get so frustrated, I love you for attempting to sing a lullaby for my niece that one time but instead made her cry the whole night.

"I love you for always knowing what you want to do but never trying to force it on me. You don't understand, Jae. I love you. And I hate that you think I deserve someone else because you're the best possible thing that's happened to me. You're my best moment and fuck, I hate seeing you doubt yourself so much and—"

"I know," he says again and this time you think, he really does. "I know and you don't have to force yourself to say it when you're not ready. I know you love me and I'm sorry for making you think that I didn't believe in it otherwise."

Without much words, he laces his fingers through yours and rests his forehead against your own. You think you finally understand why your step-mother went/goes through so much trouble to remind you that the moments you make in life are beyond important. They make you. They teach you about love. Not the love you thought you had or knew about but real love. The kind that fills you up and makes you a better person. The kind of love that's just waiting to consume you.

With his breath fanning against your skin, you feel everything at once. The connection you have with Jaebum, the guy that you were blessed to have as a neighbor. You suppose you should be thanking Ara for the two of you being where you are today. But then again if fate really wanted the two of you together, it would have happened with or without Ara's help anyway.

You can hear your heart pounding ridiculously loud but you take a deep breath and say it again.

"I love you."

And this time he doesn't say he knows, he says it back. "I love you too, y/n."

You wonder what passersby are thinking about the two of you. Two grown adults professing their love for each other on the street like they've run mad.

He raises his head and looks at you, eyes so intense and burning, like he'd been waiting for you to say it in this way. Not in a rush to get all the words out because you and he have all the time in the world, but slow and understandable. You squeeze his hand tighter.

Regardless of the moments that led up to the two of you being here together and the circumstances that surrounded it, you're thankful. So, fucking thankful, because it means more to you than you'd ever thought possible.

"So, I was thinking," Jae's lips tilt up after several moments. "Do you want to move in?"

A/N: hey! it would be super cool if people gave me feedback on this :) i hope you liked it! thanks so much for reading !!

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sugasgrowl · 6 years

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A (probably incorrect and inaccurate) Euphoria Theory by Yours Truly

Let me say that this post is probably all incorrect and all garbage, but hey!! It’s making me use my brain, so I can’t complain. I’m so terribly sorry if this makes no sense.

To begin, I think it’s plain to see that Euphoria is a Jungkook centered video (mostly) and the majority of the plot is him thinking back to the good times when all the guys were friends as he stands on the roof and contemplates suicide. (In the HYYH notes, Jungkook talks about how he stood on the roof of a construction site and thought death was a better option. That’s not speculation.) The Notes make it known to us that once the guys stopped being friends, everything kind of went downhill for them all--Jungkook especially, I suppose.

It looks to me like there are the flashbacks to the good times, and then there are clips that seem a little off.

How do they seem that way? I don’t get it--

Time travel.

Hear me out. It sounds crazy, but don’t put anything past Bighit Entertainment.

The time travel theory is true, which can be proven in a lot of ways.

1! The HYYH notes. (The first note specifically.) Jin KNEW the flowers that the girl liked. Because he had been on the date with her before, and it didn’t go the way he wanted it to. He bought the smeraldo flowers because he wanted to make a better first impression.

2! We can also see hints here and there in the LY Highlight Reels that he could travel time. For example, the vase falling over, and then the next time Jin caught it before it fell--because he knew it was going to fall. Not to mention the pile of clothes on his chair from him going back in time to fix their friendships over and over again. We also see Jin wearing that suit in mainly two different locations. Once in the car while he is driving, and once when he walks to buy the flowers and waves to the girl before she crosses the street.

When he drives, he seems erratic and bothered, and eventually as the music picks up and the cuts get shorter and faster, he looks surprised and flinches as if to brace himself. As he waits for the girl to cross the street and watches her get hit by the car, he has a look of recognition on his face--almost as if he recognized the driver of the vehicle.

My theory is that it was Jin driving the vehicle that hit the girl, and the other version of himself that bought the flowers and was waiting for her saw that it was he was driving the car. (Easy, right?)

Why is the time travel theory of importance, you may ask?

Because Jin was going back in time to right the wrongs and tragedies that ripped the boys apart. We saw this in the LY Highlight Reels, as I just said. Bangtan was a family, and Jin didn’t want their bonds to be broken over something that he felt was just coincidental or based off of one split second mistake.

How can we be sure?

Mostly by looking back to the HYYH Notes and Euphoria, as well as Run, Prologue, and INU. Even the solo short films. (Yes. It’s a lot. Blame BigHit lol.)

In INU, Yoongi set his motel on fire. In the notes it’s clear that his mother passed away and he did it out of anger and mourning. Whether he wanted to die or not, it doesn’t say.

But how does Jin intervene, then?

In Euphoria, Jin looks out the window and sees the flames. He puts his hand up, and suddenly Jungkook is there pulling Yoongi from the fire. (Not to mention the strange glitches that appear on the screen as he saves him. In my opinion, that’s the fabric of time wavering from Jin returning from the past and the timeline being changed.) Jin saw the flames and didn’t react because he already went back in time and sent Jungkook to save Yoongi. He knew Yoongi would be okay.

In Prologue, Run, and INU, we see Hoseok’s drug problem. He even mentions his reliance on pills that he didn’t need in the HYYH notes. In the original HYYH series, Hoseok and Jimin were often seen in the hospital together—both as patients. Hoseok was in the hospital for rehab. (And arguably for Munchausen Syndrome, which we see he is diagnosed with on the clipboard in the Mama short film, which could also lowkey explain his addiction to begin with if he was trying to treat an illness he thought he had.) Later, in the LY Highlight Reels and the notes, we see Hoseok starts dancing. He is also no longer in the hospital or reliant on pills.

My theory is that Jin went back in time to help him through his addiction, or even just to suggest that he get some help, so that Hoseok could help Taehyung. (Which I will discuss next!)

In INU, Taehyung kills his abusive father, and we can see him unravel over time (just look at BST Japanese version where he pulls a knife on Jin after he punched him.) Taehyung also hears Namjoon bad mouthing him while talking on the phone (in the Notes), which stirs a rage inside him that he compares to his father. The instance from BST Japanese version especially seemed to put a strain on their friendships, because after that they stopped associating.

Seeing the way that Tae murdering his father affected the whole group, Jin went back in time and made sure to send Hoseok to stop Taehyung from going through with it. (Even in Euphoria there are two contrasting scenes in regards to Tae and his father. The one where there is his father’s body and lots of blood, and the one with Hoseok. Both have signs of there having been a fight, but in the scene with Hoseok, the only real injury was Taehyung’s cut hand.)

Because Hoseok prevented Taehyung from stabbing his dad, Jin thought that he could save the group from falling apart.

Now! What about Jimin? He was in the hospital too!

Correct. As told by the Notes, Jimin was diagnosed with epilepsy and was in and out of the hospital—coincidentally around the same time Hoseok started struggling with his drug problem.

In Euphoria, we see two conflicting scenes: One where the guys are all together at the hospital with Jimin (it looks like for his birthday), and Jimin is the only one in the hospital clothes. We also see a scene, not too much later, where Jimin is alone in the hospital.

Personally, I don’t think that the contrasting clips of the guys together and Jimin by himself are necessarily showing ways that Jin went back in time. I think that Jin couldn’t do anything to help Jimin because Jimin’s issue was one that was within his own body and didn’t have a way to be prevented.

What about Namjoon? He dropped off the planet.

Just like in real life, this pure bean was just along for the ride. He didn’t seem to have any real intention of hurting anyone, he just pissed Taehyung off. (He also lowkey stalked a girl bc he had a crush on her, but that’s besides the point.) The only thing I could say for him is that I think Jin went back in time to make amends with him so that there would for sure be one less person who had hard feelings. That can be seen at the end of BST Japanese version and in Euphoria.

Okay but it worked, right? Like they’re buds now?

Not necessarily. He tries really hard to pull them back together, but what Seokjin doesn't realize is that although he is fixing some things, every time he goes back into the past to fix something, something else falls apart. Him going back in time only temporarily fixes the inevitable of them not being friends anymore. For example: Jungkook’s attempted suicide, Jungkook still getting hit by the car in the end, Jimin was still alone, Yoongi still got expelled, Tae still got mad at Namjoon. Sadly, they all ended up drifting apart regardless.

The one thing that doesn’t really have a 100% resolution for me is why exactly Jin went back in time and jumped in the water instead of Taehyung. We can clearly see him jump, and then we see the clip of Taehyung underwear rewinding, so Jin reversed it. But the reason as to why Jin did it? I’m not sure.

Anyway! If you made it this far, thank you! You’re probably very confused! But honestly, that’s just being an Army at this point.

#bts comeback #bts theory #euphoria bts #ly wonder #bangtan sonyeondan #bts hyyh #hwa yang yeon hwa #hyyh #bts

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hisuuuuuu · 7 years

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I was tagged by @tvvy and @dallyingdivergent thank youuu!! 💕💕

1.) If you had one, what was your ‘stereotype’ in school? (jock, nerd, goth, etc)

idk if it has a name but I was like the sweet quiet one that was kind to pretty much everyone. like the krista of the school pretty much aha. like I remember one day I was helping the school sell chocolates and my friend wasn’t going to but she said I was too cute to say no to ahaha aw I miss the days at school when I wasn’t ridden by mental illnesses rip

 2.) What are your favorite and least favorite foods?

favourite: aw man idk maybe bacon? bacon hasn’t let me down in a while now least favourite: peanuts maybe?

 3.) Who is your favorite character from your current fandom and why?

leviiii ackermannnn. I won’t say all the reasons bc this will go on for too long but this man came from nothing (he literally would have died if it weren’t for kenny god bless him) to a well known hero. and like he never once got cocky about this or his title (in fact I think he hates the burden of it but is willing to sacrifice that part of him for humanity). despite all the shit he’s been through (which is a lot of shit) he still remains kind and untainted (to a point. like he’s willing to get his hands dirty for what he believes in. he’s definitely not pure). but yea all he wants is to protect and save humanity and his friends from the titans. he literally just wants to get rid of them all so they can rest and find peace (probably bc he knows he won’t be able to so he’s willing to die so others can 😭) I’m gonna stop here bc I’m gonna cry and bc this is gonna get too long but I just love everything about him!!

 4.) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

my fear of some social situations & risk taking (I’m getting better tho!)

 5.) What are your favorite hobbies?

video games, video editing, listening to & playing music, dancing (I’m planning on taking lessons soon if my anxiety chills)

 6.) Spring, Summer, Fall, or Winter?

fall

 7.) What’s one obstacle you’ve overcome recently?

I think I’ve finally found peace with myself and I don’t take many things as much to heart anymore. it’s actually a really big thing I don’t know why I’m not celebrating lmao

 8.) Yes or no:

Pineapple on pizza? it’s not too bad. honestly it used to be my favourite but now I’d rather not but eh it’s ok

Fries dipped in mayonnaise? omg haha possibly? I haven’t had mayo in so long bc it used to make me sick. I mean the thought makes me sick but I guess for like three fries I could handle it lmao

Ketchup on eggs? my dude!!! it’s not a bad taste but the yolk goes pink and it’s so cute!!  

9.) What is your most resourceful skill?

remaining positive, optimistic and calm in stressful situations (most of the time)

 10.) If you could pick three fictional characters to bring to life, who would they be and why?

ymir so Icoulddattteeherrrrrr erwin smith bc I want him as my dadddd xander from buffy bc he’d be a good friend and he’s got that dorky humour which I love

 11.) What is the end-goal for you; What do you want to do with your life?

I’d like to move to some nice lil city and have a job that I adore with a nice circle of friends, a beautiful home to share with my beautiful gf and beautiful dogs, and to just be happy and at peace with my life that’d be cool

1. What is your LEAST favorite color?

purple maybe? I like most pastel purples tho

2. Which trope in a fanfic do you absolutely hate and want to die?

omg uke/seme tbh

3. Pick a favorite character from your current fandom and write at least one headcanon about them.

oh my gosh ok it’s levi but I’m gonna use this to write about the beautiful rare pair that is moburi haha

when moblit isn’t busy making sure hange is still alive and breathing, he and levi chill out together. they bond over their love but stress and concern over hange. levi drinks tea whilst moblit drinks coffee (which is more than often mixed with some alcohol) while they chat and unwind with the other. they’ll often light heartedly complain about the day they had or something

levi admires moblit’s artistic skill (he literally in canon calls them masterpieces) and likes to just quietly watch him sketch or doodle. as someone with little to no artistic skill he finds it fascinating to watch how effortlessly he can bring something to life. it’s also very soothing and relaxing for him. it takes both their minds off of things or on whatever it is moblit is drawing

moblit at first was flustered by this because of the amount of attention he was getting and the pressure of not messing up because someone is watching. soon enough it became routine for them and moblit could truly relax around levi as he drew

if levi finds moblit drinking on his own (which is quite common) he’ll often join him and work on paperwork as it has no effect on him while they silently enjoy each other’s company

levi likes to if he can to include moblit and any other cadet that’s often left out in conversation or something social bc he loves all his soldiers and wants them to at least have some gOOD MEMORIES BEFORE THEY DIE BYE I HATE THAT THIS ENDED IN ANGST IT WASNT MEANT TO BUT FCK IT IF IT INVOLVES LEVI OF COURSE IT IS I HATE

ALSO IM SORRY THIS GOT LONG I JUST LOVE MY BOYS AND LEVI I’m so gonna use this as a ref to write a moburi fic btw omg

4. Which movie universe would you like to place the characters of your current fandom in?

movie universe.. I was gonna say life is strange bc of the high school au but that’s a video game rip. kingsman maybe? or pmmm. actually nvm just the happiest movie universe where no one dies thanks like some fun college movie or something lmao

5. Enemies-to-lovers or Childhood-friends-to-lovers?

enemies-to-lovers probably but childhood-friends-to-lovers is pretty cute too

6. Who would you switch bodies with, and why?

I don’t think I would tbh I don’t know I don’t want to mess with another persons life like all john malkovich style haha. I always wanted to be mystique tho so I could change the appearance of mine like to just improve little things and cosplaying would be so heavenly and easy I could become all my favs aha

7. Favorite book genre?

mystery/suspense maybe

8. Which video game universe would you like to live in, and why?

animal crossing: new leaf! bc everyone’s so nice and cute and you’ve got everything you need within walking distance like a convenience store, retail, a museum! a coffee shop like bruh

9. Where would you like go on a first date?

probably the movies bc then if you don’t like the person it isn’t as awkward bc you can just enjoy the movie lol

10. For you, what is the right age to get married?

21 and up probably

11. Favorite ice cream flavor

neapolitan bc I can’t pick haha

I tag: @tatakaeeren @apetitan @yaboylevi @sanspert @eren–gayger @micasaas @piecks @reibertx @sarianapng @kenny-ackerman @drunksara

and my 11 questions are:

1. favourite album: 2. favourite time of day: 3. a song you could listen on repeat and never get tired of: 4. favourite rare pair/s: 5. a song that never fails to make you happy: 6. if you had to cosplay anyone who would it be? 7. what would you say your 'style’ is? 8. if you had to get a tattoo what would it be? 9. favourite video game: 10. a ship that is similar to your relationship goals: 11. what was your first plushie/soft toy/teddy’s name?

#omg ok good enough I'll fix the spacing later #if you don't want to do the questions that's completely cool I don't mind!#i hope I've made at least someone consider moburi haha #tag game

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dknc3 · 7 years

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Well, grad party weekend is almost over and I appear to have survived. It was a close thing for awhile there, though!

Long text post under the cut summarizing the weekend’s adventures. (And giving a pretty good illustration as to WHY I’ve been a tumblr absentee of late, LOL!!)

About 30 hours prior to party time, I received a call from #2 telling me he felt like death and had been unable to rise from his bed except to stumble to the bathroom for nearly 24 hours! Why he hadn’t felt it necessary to tell me this when texting with me the night before about coming home from school for his brother’s party, who knows? Anyway, he NEVER complains about being sick even when he is and he sounded like death and answered “no” to questions about having Advil, water, or cough medicine in his dorm room or any way to get them or any capability of driving his car around the block much less home.

So, I embarked on a 3 hour round trip to fetch my sickly second son, guiltily leaving my husband with an insanely long party prep “to do” list in my absence. One of us at least had to work on preparing both the deck and yard (where we WANTED the party to be) and the big ugly unfinished basement (where we feared a lot of the party might have to be because the weather forecast was getting shittier by the moment.) I had to be the parent who took the road trip because A–I am willing to drive much faster than my law abiding husband and therefore could accomplish the rescue mission more quickly, and B–MAMA is the parent best at caring for our ill babies, regardless of age.

When I got #2 into the car, he was burning up with fever, hacking like someone with tuberculosis, and complaining that EVERYTHING hurt! I gave him Advil and water and apple juice which I brought along and told him if it wasn’t May I’d swear he had the flu. Those words proved prophetic when I took him straight to the doctor’s office once we got back into town and he tested positive for INFLUENZA A!!! Seriously? Who comes down with the freaking flu in late May?!? Apparently, MY KID. On the eve of his brother’s grad party.

So I got him a prescription for tamiflu, a bunch of decongestant and cough meds, and tucked him into his bed before launching back into full force party prep.

Mr. DKNC, quite proud of himself, had purchased two nice canopies which he set up on the deck. They would do beautifully to shade folks should the sun shine and protect well enough from potential pop-up showers without bad wind, but at least overnight, potential thunderstorms with heavy winds were predicted. I mentioned we might want to take the canopies down until closer to party time, but this suggestion was met with “It’ll be fine.”

A few hours later as I was rethinking whether or not I had enough food in the house and ready for pick-up the following morning (after receiving a gleeful call from #1 that several more of his friends had just let him know they’d be able to come after all and three text messages from family friends letting me know their entire families were coming), the severe thunderstorms showed up, and at a rather ominous sound from out on the deck, Mr. DKNC raced out back and shouted, “Dammit! I didn’t know there was going to be a fucking hurricane!”

So the two of us set to work dismantling the canopies before they were torn apart by the wind. In a torrential downpour. While he swore and complained the way he only does when he feels he should have more control over situations which are completely out of his control. Sigh.

He’d done a ridiculous amount of work all day long–the house and yard truly did look amazing, and we’d actually begged, borrowed, and stolen enough tables and chairs that we had outdoor seating for nearly fifty people at a time–over half of that at tables. The house, after 3 days of cleaning, was about as spotless as it gets, and I’d figured out a plan to set up the musicians in the basement rather than on the deck and move a bunch of chairs in there if we really had to–while praying we didn’t have to.

Son #1 came home from dinner out with his girlfriend (he had cleaned the barn earlier in the day), and I sent him right back out to pick up our only non-driver–Son #3–from his job at the hardware store. (I cannot WAIT until May 31st when that kid can get his license!)

I made Ramen noodles for flu boy and ordered pizza for everyone else and decided to call it a night.

Party day dawned grey and rainy, and Mr. DKNC (aka my personal Lord of Winterfell) got all “Winter is Coming” on me with various dire weather disaster predictions. I made him take #3 to work (yes, the kid worked evening shift the day before and opening shift on party day so he could get off early enough in the afternoon not to miss much of the party) just so #1 and I didn’t have to listen to him. #2 got out of bed, showered, dressed, said he felt a bit better, sat up and talked with me while I began setting up the buffet area in the kitchen, then began to feel crappy again–because FLU–and went dejectedly back to bed.

Mr. DKNC had come home after dropping #3 at work and picking up a few things I’d realized we’d forgotten about and put on a list for him. The rain had slowed to intermittent drizzle with only very brief spotty showers so I crossed my fingers and assigned him and #1 to put the canopies back up while I went out and picked up all the sandwiches and barbecue and fruit and vegetable trays and pasta and potato salad, etc. I’d ordered from the grocery and our local meat market. Then I headed to the bakery to pick up the great big cake.

Got home and just had time to say hi to the musicians who’d arrived and we’re setting up and then get all the food actually ready to serve and all the drinks (which Mr. DKNC had gone out and bought using my shopping list my road trip to rescue #2, calling me at least fifteen times from the store because apparently my directions weren’t always clear, LOL!) iced down and the balloons hung at the end of our road (because it’s easy to miss if you don’t know the way) when the first guests arrived, rushing onto the screened in porch with umbrellas up to protect them from the sudden downpour.

That rain lasted 30 minutes and then disappeared did not return for 6 hours. Seventy people ended up at the party and no one went inside except to get food, use the bathroom, play pool, or take a brief AC break because the temperature soared into the mid-eighties. The guests ranged in age from 2 to 84, and both the youngest and the oldest danced to the music which was fabulous. Our musician friends played for 5 hours straight, only stopping when the rain started to threaten again close to 9pm. Most of the older people and the families with small kids left around 9, but at least thirty people were here until after midnight, playing pool, sitting on the screened in porch watching the storm, snacking, drinking, laughing, and generally having a great time. The last of the guests above college age left around 1am, and Mr. DKNC and I decided it was time for bed. No idea what time the last of #1’s friends left or availed themselves of various sofas here to sleep on.

But it WAS a really good day–family from 3 hours away, friends we hadn’t seen in years–we really felt blessed by all the folks who came out to celebrate with our son. And while my husband and I both felt we never got to talk to anyone over 5 minutes most of the day as we kept trying to talk to EVERYONE (and keep food hot and drinks cold all day long), we had fun. More importantly #1 had fun. And I’ve got the video of him singing Johnny Cash with the band!!

The only person who didn’t have much fun was #2 who spent most of the day in his bedroom with Netflix and Advil. He did rally enough on two occasions to put in brief appearances to at least talk to relatives who hadn’t seen him in a long time–but he wasn’t allowed to touch anyone, I had to fix his plate as he wasn’t allowed NEAR the food, and he wrote BIOHAZARD all over his cup so no one would accidentally drink after him! And he still only spent maybe an hour total out of his room, poor guy.

This morning I woke early to take #3 to work (yes, again–this kid needs a driver’s license), Mr. DKNC went to church, but I stayed home because #1 (who as far as I know slept almost none at all) went out to breakfast at 10 with his girlfriend and two couples from her college who had come down for his party and I didn’t want to leave #2 (who didn’t have fever this morning–YAY!–but was still pretty achy) on his own.

I discovered the college kids had attempted to clean up a bit as there were several garbage bags filled and left out on the screened-in porch. Unfortunately, these must have been city kids who don’t realize why all of our outdoor garbage cans have lockable latches on them. So … Our local trash pandas had their own party on the porch some time in the wee hours. Their nasty, muddy little foot prints were all over everything, all bags were ripped open, and trash was strewn everywhere! No offense to my dear @thefairfleming, but trash pandas are evil incarnate!!

So … that was an hour of my life I won’t get back. I rewarded myself for doing that thankless job by eating cake for breakfast. Hey, the little bit of cake left was too big for the plastic storage container I had by only a couple inches!! I had to solve that problem!!

I’ve now cleaned the rest of the house. I don’t even want to know how cake crumbs and empty beer cans found their way to some of the places I found them! I’m almost afraid to check the barn as there was a veritable parade of folks going down to visit the horses yesterday.

But the only task left for today is another road trip to get #2 back to school. He isn’t well, but he is better, and he has only TWO days left. This time I’m taking Mr. DKNC with me. As long as we have to make the trip, we’ll take most of his stuff home with us so he can just leave on his own when he’s officially finished. I’ve got his drugs packed up and clean linens to put on his bed there, and that’s the best I can do for him at this point. I seriously hate taking him back still sick, but he has to finish the term.

And then, Mr. DKNC and I will come home and finally get to rest and relax. Just kidding!! We’ll sleep for a few hours and then I’ll go to work and he’ll fly off on a trip tomorrow! And as we realized as we got in bed last night, we’ll now be expected to do this crazy thing at least twice more!!! We both lay there and laughed hysterically when that thought hit us because really … no other reaction was possible!

#my crazy life #I do love all my boys though #wouldn't change any of it #well maybe Son 2's flu #We could definitely have done without that!

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jgfiles · 7 years

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Re-watching Joker Game: Ep 12 XX Double Cross

So, as I proposed a re-watching, here I go continuing on doing the re-watching. Hopefully someone else will join! ^_-

Also, hopefully there’s someone out there that read all this stuff… as I know it’s pretty long… shame on me for analyzing things too in deep…

Mind you, what follows are my ramblings over Ep 12, comprehensive of my impression on how the frames were structured and so on with some occasional reference to the other Joker Game media.

Also, for personal comfort, I’ll use the characters’ names even if the anime hasn’t stated them yet. In short, as this is a re-watching and not a first watching, you’ll also get a telling that’s mixed with my knowledge of the future. Consider yourself warned.

And now, let’s start.

And we’ll start with a change compared to my previous ramblings for the previous episodes.

Instead than waiting for Ep 11 to comment the preview for this episode, I’ll do it here as otherwise it would be a random unconnected bit at the end of Ep 11. The same will go for future previews.

Now, the preview, as the one for Ep 2, takes part in an… unknown place with plenty of square tables. From the various previews we’ll see people go here often to drink, smoke, play chess, play cards, even eating. The tables and the chandeliers in it are slightly different from the ones in the D Agency kitchen so it’s a different place. It bears a resemblance with the place in which the spies go drinking together in a recent illustration. As Gamo could get in, we can speculate it’s outside D Agency (though the fact he had two chance meetings with two different spies, Odagiri and Jitsui, feels a little odd so it feels more like it’s just an out of canon thing).

Anyway, back to the preview’s plot. We’ve Amari and Odagiri drinking together. Odagiri starts the discussion commenting he heard Amari broke up with his woman again. Amari confirms and from Amari’s reply we can figure out that Amari didn’t break up with THE SAME WOMAN again but that this woman is just the last of a long list. Amari claims there’s no point in remaining with a woman for too long… which makes him sound like a jerk… but there’s to remember the D Agency boys can’t get attached to someone and this will be the core of Odagiri’s episode. Amari is acting like he’s expected to act. His relationships don’t last long because they aren’t expected to. He’s not supposed to find a girlfriend and remain with her.

Odagiri won’t openly express agreement or disapprobation but we can have the feeling he’s not really that comfortable with this and this is Odagiri’s problem. He doesn’t like how the others can manage to remain completely unconnected, nor he’s capable to do the same. In the preview, to Amari’s reply, he comments ‘We’re all beautiful in passing’ but he’s quoting someone and he’s doing so while staring to his own glass, the wine in it reflecting his image and actually, it’s his image we see talking and not him. All visually hints at how Odagiri isn’t reporting his own thoughts but what he’s saying is just… a fakade.

And now let’s dig into the episode.

We start with what looks like a blizzard… which nicely ties with how snow was also falling in the previous episode. Only it gets obvious soon that the two aren’t placed in the same time period or in the same place as, after showing us a line of people walking in the snow…

…we will soon realize those aren’t Germans but Japanese soldiers, and that their uniform is the one worn PRIOR to the Joker Game episode (which dated 1939) so we’ve to be in 1938 or prior to it.

Thanks to the novel (and to @kyuukancorbie who provided me with info about the novel ^_-) we can actually speculate we’re in September, 1936, watching a scene from the large scale Army maneuver in Sapporo.

The camera focus on the face of a soldier. It’s clear enough he’s not feeling well, that he’s ill and that needs to be supported by another soldier to stand. As we watch the face of this poor soldier, a face unfamiliar to us, someone, clearly a superior officer, is scolding him for ‘the way he acts when he receives an order’.

Why it’s a smart choice? The soldier isn’t obeying and this is bad… but the audience is brought to immediately side with him. We see he’s not feeling well, that he can’t stand on his own, it’s clear that the guy scolding him is asking him too much. Psychologically we’ve already decided his superior officer is the ‘bad guy’ and the anime will continue to work on enforcing this idea (LOL, situation will tie some nice parallels with Ep 1 in which we were helped to figure out immediately that Gordon was the bad guy, actually this episode will parallel Ep 1-2 more often than not, I could almost write an essay about this…).

The camera now pans on the whole soldier’s body, starting from bottom and moving toward the top.

Yes, he’s being supported by another soldier as he can’t stand on his own (don’t you feel sorry for him? Isn’t the one yelling at him a jerk? That’s the hidden message in the whole thing) and it turns out that the one supporting him has a familiar face… though his skin is a lot more tanned so one might not recognize him (evidently he doesn’t usually stay in that cold but was moved there from someplace sunnier) and it doesn’t help that the coat he’s wearing covers most of his head. Anyway guys let’s say hello to young Odagiri.

The scolding voice, which clearly doesn’t belong to Odagiri, goes around talking about how this is for their motherland and that the sick soldier should be content to die for the sake of it, yadda, yadda.

We don’t see the one doing the scolding. He’s just a voice for now, our visual attention is focused on the soldier that’s being sick, on how cruel can sound such words as they’re being said to someone who can’t even stand on his own. Not seeing the speaker is also meaningful because the speaker isn’t just saying his own thoughts. His words are the standard words a superior officer would say to a soldier in such conditions. We don’t really need to see him or to imagine him. Everyone will do, because every superior officer was supposed to say such things.

And here Odagiri speaks up. He seems the voice of reason to us and to our modern mentality but, back then, what he said was probably sounding like heresy. Odagiri complains it seems silly to him to die for what’s just an exercise and that the sick soldier isn’t fit to be a scout.

Sadly, while Odagiri’s words well embrace the modern mentality, back in the past soldiers were an expendable commodity for superior officers. We saw it previously, with Mutō planning to sacrifice Sakuma so as to cover up his mistake and get rid of D Agency. Sakuma was still willing to put up with it and commit Harakiri even if he knew he was being used and, in the novel, he’ll realize his disliking for being used as a pawn isn’t fit for a soldier (the anime will let us believe he’s all right with rejecting the idea… when in the original version he knew it was a thought that wasn’t acceptable for a soldier to have).

So, predictably, Odagiri gets scolded… and, while he’s scolded we hear the officer calling him by his true name. Well, surname. Tobisaki. Which in the novel was merely a name he took for a job. But well, let’s go on. We still don’t see the one doing the scolding, but we see Odagiri’s face shifting when he’s accused of claiming his superior’s orders are ‘foolish’. He figured he made a misstep but it’s too late to take it back.

And we continue with the parallels with Gordon in Ep 1. Remember how they made him look threatening by showing us his yelling mouth with his teeth well visible? Well, guess what? They do the same with Odagiri’s superior’s officer. Close up of his yelling mouth with teeth well visible.

Let’s face it, the visual is telling us this guy is going to bite someone and therefore he’s dangerous and, in short, bad.

You don’t even need to hear what he’s saying. Even if you don’t know Japanese and turns off the subs, it’s clear that this guy, who’s yelling to a sick soldier and to the one supporting the sick soldier, is a jerk.

Also, note the background. Not only the snow is heavily falling and the wind is blowing but the other soldiers are continuing to march. They don’t even dare to turn to watch what’s going on. And the sick soldier is too sick to do anything. The core of the scene is Odagiri. Fundamentally our eyes are focused on him. He’s alone here. The other soldiers are background. The sick soldier is so sick he could as well not be there. And his superior officer isn’t shown.

We’re pushed to focus solely on Odagiri. And now, when the superior officer becomes visible and rips the sick soldier away from Odagiri’s supporting arms, we’re all supposed to react like Odagiri. Get out from the frame, you jerk. We’d like to push him away… like Odagiri does. But this is a luxury Odagiri wasn’t allowed to have.

‘Gyakusei’ [虐政 Oppression] starts being played in the background and the title is rather fitting.

He only pushed away the superior officer and caused him to fall on his ass in the snow… but this is a crime in the Army. We see that now all the soldiers are stopped and staring at him. Even if we’ve no idea how the Army work, this is visually enough to let us figure out that Odagiri has committed something like a capital sin.

Even the superior officer (the credits refers to him as Dai taichō 大隊長 “Commander” but his grades are the ones of a Major…) seems to be shocked… his reaction almost unnatural as Odagiri has merely pushed him, it’s not like he’d tried to kill him… and all this helps to deliver how terrible it is what Odagiri did. Odagiri wasn’t supposed to react at all. Like Sakuma with Mutō, he was merely supposed to bow to his superior’s will.

Also, the fact that the man is finally shown, is a hint he’s actually going to become ‘relevant’ in the story, that we won’t be able to ignore him any longer, in fact, the next that happens is that Odagiri’s superior officer goes into a rage, his face getting red and his expression furious in an almost comical manner. This means he’s going to cause troubles, troubles Odagiri can’t avoid.

Meanwhile poor Odagiri is gazing at him in shock, which is a clear hint he acted out of instinct and not out of will to be disrespectful or to attack the other, the sick soldier lying limp in his arm, a clear hint that Odagiri was right, that poor guy couldn’t take anymore, they would have killed him if they had continued to force him to go on. In short the visual is all for supporting Odagiri’s side… as we hear his superior officer ordering to grab Odagiri because he ‘used violence against a superior officer (he gave him a slight push) and refused to obey (insane and cruel) orders’.

As the officer yells and waves his arm in emphasis, Odagiri evidently grasps the gravity of what he has done as he let his companion go and that one slumps on the ground, either unconscious or unable to support himself, while everyone else is standing still, watching the scene.

There’s to say the anime pulls out beautifully how really, the superior officer’s insistence for the soldier to obey order was asinine, the guy couldn’t move anymore, asking him to keep on going was really asking him to die for a training exercise, and how, despite this, for the Army, Odagiri’s tiny action of disobedience that was meant only to protect a companion and not to really hurt the officer, was so very grave that everyone is standing still around him in shock. The world had stopped around Odagiri because he had slightly pushed a superior officer.

A digression here. Well, two.

First. In this bit we could hear Odagiri talking. I’m not knowledgeable in Japanese but here, his manner of talking and his tone feels different from how he usually talk, he’s more similar to how Sakuma talked with Mutō. In short, he’s sounding like a soldier and therefore he changes his tone.

Second. The superior officer. Admire his design and the manner he moves. He’s ugly, shorter than Odagiri and since he’s wearing a coat this makes him seem even larger. He’s unimpressive and his reaction, which seems a huge overreaction, makes him almost ridicule. He seems a child throwing a tantrum. It’s clear he’s being unreasonable and making a fuss over nothing. This subtly increases the sympathy a viewer is meant to feel for Odagiri a lot. Fundamentally they constructed Odagiri’s superior officer so that we would feel like siding with Odagiri.

And now let’s go on.

The scene changes and the next with see is a construction likely made with wood. It’s not snowing any more but the roof is covered in snow and ice. Either it’s a jail or it just hosts a cell. Anyway, inside the cell, there’s poor Odagiri. They had taken away his coat and he’s wrapped in a cover, trembling, seated on the floor and curled up on himself, his face buried in his knees. He’s just trembling but, since we can’t see his face, we might even been lead to think he’s crying. He’s a miserable thing and I’m sorry for him.

Then, just outside the cell, a familiar cane held by a familiar white gloved hand appears. Yeah, this is Ep 12, and the anime by now know that we can recognize Yūki by his fake distinctive trait.

Yūki asks Odagiri if he’s the one called ‘untrainable’. Because yes, if you take sides with a poor companion against an insane superior officer all of sudden you’re untrainable even if you’ve managed to reach the grade of second lieutenant.

In reply Odagiri raises his head a tiny bit, enough to allow us to see his eye. We can see that no, he wasn’t crying and now he’s frowning hard at Yūki. Even though he has said nothing, it’s clear he doesn’t trust him.

Yūki asks him what he plans to do when he leaves the Army… because I take they’re kicking Odagiri out. Odagiri looks away… and the poor guy seems a little lost… and here I’ve to compliment the guys drawing the scene because we really see little of Odagiri yet they managed to give to that little we see ‘feelings’ it could transmit to us. Also, his cheeks seem a little sunken… did they fed Odagiri while they were holding him prisoner?

Odagiri comments that’s a good question and that he could move to Manchuria and become a roving bandit. From this answer we can guess how lost Odagiri is. Out of the Army he has no place to return if he’s considering to move to Manchuria to become a bandit.

The camera now shows, in reply to Odagiri’s answer, Yūki’s grinning mouth.

Note that we hadn’t seen his full face yet, but who cares, we know it’s him… yet at the same time, the fact his face was hidden to the view, is meant to give us another info. Odagiri doesn’t know this man. Yūki’s ‘lack of face’ is a hint that he’s unknown to Odagiri. Anyway at this Yūki smiles, moves closer and crouches down so as to speak close to Odagiri’s ear.

What Yūki tells him is basically an invitation to try to take his exam (of admission to his spy school).

A time break here. If the incident with the soldier happened in September 1936, there’s to remember D Agency was founded in Autumn 1937 (though its foundation was proposed in 1935). Sakuma joins D Agency in 1938, and watches the guys as they take their entrance exams as well as they trained there. So this should mean some time has gone by the incident and Odagiri’s meeting with Yūki… or Yūki is just preparing his moves knowing they’ll have to allow him to open D Agency. Who knows?

Now… Odagiri clearly had outstanding abilities as he managed to handle Yūki’s training (and the novel says he always graduates first place from his schools… which makes me think Sakuma should be older as they apparently don’t know each other yet Odagiri, being so good, should have been sort of noticeable if he were of his same age). Odagiri is also the one who decides to leave the school, it’s not Yūki that kicks him out. But what I wonder is ‘how did Yūki found him?’ Was he keeping an eye on the untrainable soldiers that were in the Army? To Odagiri in particular because he was pretty good at school? Does this mean that in the Joker Game universe it was Yūki who personally searched for candidates for his school? Did Miyoshi and the other meet Yūki and received the same proposition? Was Yūki searching for a certain type of people in particular? Were they all ‘broken’, rejected by their family, hence they’ve no problems to live completely disconnected by the others?

Anyway, at Yūki’s words, Odagiri looks at Yūki, really looks at him for the first time and we finally see Yūki’s face. Well, not the whole of it but enough of it to say we’re looking at Yūki’s face. Because yes, the visual is telling us now Odagiri is starting to be interested in Yūki and knowing him.

‘Kikan’ [機関 Agency] starts and we gets Odagiri telling us the same shortened version of Sakuma’s explanation of what D Agency is that he gave us in Ep 1. It’s worth to remember this summarized version is the version we hear at the beginning of each episode, each time said by a different spy.

Then this ends and we get…

…the opening. There’s not really anything to mention about it as it’s the same Opening we saw in the past. Odagiri is the third spy that appears in it and he’s walking with his hands in his pockets. Around the end of the opening we also see him removing the headphones he was wearing and that, were apparently, part of a machine to send messages.

Anyway the opening ends and we resume with ‘Joker Game’.

We start… with a scream. What we see (the first floor of a house) is clearly through the lenses of binoculars, a hint we’re watching things from the point of view of someone keeping under surveillance the place. The binoculars focuses on the woman who has just screamed and that was watching something inside an apartment through the open door before running away.

Next we see Odagiri removing the binoculars from his face with a surprised expression. Yes, he was the one keeping the place under surveillance. It’s interesting how the visual shows he was pecking from two curtains, another hint that no, he didn’t just happen to watch out with a binoculars, he was pecking at the house secretly.

The girl who had screamed meanwhile is calling for the police running through the street and under a house. As she passes in front of it, we can see that one is the house in which Odagiri was. Odagiri’s gaze focuses on her. He frowns then returns his attention on the house.

‘Suiri’ [推理 Reasoning] starts being played.

Note how, so far, we’ve seen Odagiri focusing on the girl. We could almost think she was his target when actually it was the guy inside the house. While Odagiri’s actions can seem normal, I’ve the feeling they’re a mistake for a spy as, in order to look at the girl, he’s not focusing on his target’s house.

The scene changes (though the musical background remains the same) and we’re in an apartment. There’s another girl sitting on the floor with an apparently shocked expression and there’s curious peeking from the door, near to which there’s a flower vase with, in it many camomile flowers, the ones Schneider bought.

We can’t see what they’re watching though we can guess something terrible has happened and this is good to keep the suspense but also because we, as viewers, more or less end up on having the same amount of info on the scene that Odagiri is having at the same time in which he’s having it. So, when Odagiri appears on the door as well and pecks inside, finally, we’re also allowed to see what’s happened inside. There’s a dead man lying on the floor and a note on the table. It’s in German but says ‘I’ve lost all hope. I want to die.’

We’re shown again the girl sitting there in shock, a subtle hint we should remember her, that she’s not like the other curious pecking at the door (also note how pretty is the glass behind her… I love Joker Game attention for details like this one)…

…then Odagiri’s surprised face. His voice comments that the target he was watching died, which makes his mission an inexcusable failure. As he thinks so we see again the inside of the room which includes Schneider’s corpse, the girl sitting there and the flower vase.

Note how strict Odagiri is with himself. If the guy committed suicide like the note says, there was little he could do to prevent it. Even if one of the girls had gotten in and… let’s say, then shoot him there would have been little he could have done. Yet he thinks this is an inexcusable failure.

The scene changes again (but we still have the same musical background) and we move back to D Agency. On the screen appears the writing 1939, Spring. Yes, we started this anime series with an episode placed in 1939, spring, and we end it going back to 1939, spring. It’s sort of coming to a full circle. Actually it will be a coming to full circle as we’ll discover at the end of the episode.

And now we’re shown a picture of the corpse, only in the photo he’s not a corpse yet. It’s a not so subtle way to tell us we’re going to talk about him now and yes, Odagiri’s voice starts to talk about the deceased. Also, the picture shows him clearly while he’s doing journalist work. Why this is smart?

Odagiri tells us he was a writer for Berlin Allgemeine. He doesn’t explain what Berline Allgemeine is, but since Schneider is apparently writing on a notepad info from an interview, other journalists around him making questions and taking picture we can easily figure this is not a… let’s say a cooking magazine.

And now we move from the photos (which Odagiri took) to Odagiri himself. It’s a nice visual choice, especially because we see Odagiri when Odagiri says Schneider was suspected of being a (double) spy… like Odagiri is a spy.

Odagiri now tells us what happened on the day in which Schneider died and his day seems normal enough only it’s actually all hints. Schneider brought flowers from a street vendor (and it’ll turn out the street vendor was actually one of Schneider’s spy contacts) and headed for the apartment of Nogami Yuriko, his lover and a theatre performer. And now we know who was the girl who ran away screaming. Odagiri tells us Schneider and Nogami met a year ago THROUGH A FRIEND OF NOGAMI (yes, the one who’ll kill Schneider out of jealousy).

Note that, as Odagiri speak, we see Schneider buying the flowers and Odagiri following him, then the man goes into Nogami’s house and Odagiri spies him from the opposite apartment.

It’s relevant to note how evidently Schneider spent a lot of time at Noriko’s since Odagiri took possession of an apartment in front of it. Well, Schneider isn’t just her boyfriend, he’s the one who even furnished Yuriko’s house so...

Odagiri goes on in his story and explain how Nogami was out that day but came back with her friend, Yasuhara Miyoko, after 3:00 PM as they had arranged to eat cake together. As he says so we see the two women walking closer and then entering in the apartment in a rush under Odagiri’s gaze, which, but maybe it’s just me, seems more focused on following Yuriko than Miyoko.

Let me digress a moment on Yuriko and Miyoko’s look. Note how Yuriko’s skirt is blue and Miyoko’s is red, how Yuriko’s jacket is clear and Miyoko is darker, how Yuriko has dark hair while Miyoko has clear one. They’re set up to be visually opposite. Remember how when discussing Ep 1 I mentioned how people found hard to distinguish the spies and how I commented this was a deliberate visual choice? Here we see how the anime was completely capable to make two relatively similar characters (women, with similar looking clothes) could actually stand out as different. We won’t mistake Yuriko for Miyoko and vice versa.

Next we see Schneider’s face. He looks clearly dead and this visually explains why the girls rushed in the apartment. Odagiri then comments that the police thinks Schneider’s death is a suicide. As Odagiri says so we’re shown the suicide note, which is a subtle way to explain us why would the police think so and then we see again the scene Odagiri should have seen when he went to see the inside of the apartment, Schneider lying on the ground, dead, and Yasuhawa Miyoko sitting on the floor, a subtle reminder she remained in the apartment alone with Schneider and could have altered the place. The vase with the flowers is also visible.

We’re back to D Agency the camera focusing on Odagiri and then moving away from him so as to include Yūki as well (and all the other boys seated at the table) as Yūki asks him if he thinks Schneider could have committed suicide because he figured out Odagiri was spying him and thought he had no chances to escape.

The camera continues to back walk from Odagiri as Odagiri shoots down this possibility, subtly including in the screen the other D Agency members, who’re seated at the same table at which Yūki is seated.

It’s a visual hint they’re going to start to be involved in the action as well. In fact they start with pointing out things. Miyoshi asks Odagiri to explain the suicide note (since Odagiri rejects the idea it’s a suicide) and Jitsui points out (for our benefit) to how the handwriting was Schneider himself. So Kaminaga asks him if Odagiri believed Schneider was killed by someone else and the note was forged. It might seems hard to believe for us (and has someone noticed this would be a closed room mystery?) but Odagiri’s reply helps us to put things into perspective so that Odagiri’s idea doesn’t seem dumb.

Schneider is a double spy, Germany or Russia could go after him. Actually we saw in Ep 6 how Russia killed people who were betraying them... and if we think that’s someone that powerful and possibly well trained, after 11 episodes seeing spies doing amazing things we can accept that yes, someone could have gotten in, killed Schneider and forge the note easily.

Hatano though reminds us of a detail. Odagiri, who’s also an amazing D Agency spy, was surveying the place. If a foreign spy/killer had tried to do all this, well, maybe he could have technically done it but then someone like Odagiri would have had noticed him trying to snuck in (or out).

A couple of words on how the scene is viewed. While the camera is over the D Agency students when they speak, it’s not so below to Odagiri (just barely) we can feel the anime is trying to remark a difference in moral position as it did in EP 1 with Sakuma and the D Agency members. The difference in placement is more because we’re meant to see things from Odagiri’s eyes, a bit like how, when we saw Miyoko and Yuriko, the visual was making sure to let us know that what we were seeing was the same Odagiri was saying through his binoculars.

So let’s go on. Yūki asks how Schneider died. There’s to note that, so far, even if Yūki has spoken, we never clearly saw his face. Even now, his question is made while the camera is showing us Odagiri’s face and, although when Odagiri will reply the camera will look in Yūki’s direction, the camera is high over all of them (Odagiri included) and Yūki is the farthest from it and looking down. We can’t really say we see his face. As for the visual… my feeling is that we get such shoot when Odagiri answers like that (Schneider died of asphyxiation from cyanide poisoning) because that’s a neutral info given by whoever did the autopsy that’s sort of looming over them.

On a sidenote… the big table around which the D Agency students are… is actually formed by four tables put together. I guess in the anime they’re still a bit short on budget so they can’t buy a big one.

And so now we finally see Yūki’s face. It’s his profile and not from Odagiri’s point of view and it’s on an even level. Yūki’s eyes are closed, a hint he’s deep in thinking. At this point Yūki makes the question that, to Yūki, basically answers to how Schneider died. Yūki asks Odagiri if he’s saying that, when Schneider died, he didn’t notice anything.

We’re shown Odagiri’s profile and, from the look on his face, we can see he feels as if this is a scolding. Remember how he felt his mission ended up with a failure?

In truth, Yūki likely isn’t so much interested in scolding him, just in making sure that’s the case. Yūki trained him so it should be technically not possible for Odagiri not to notice anything. If he hadn’t something had distracted him and Yūki knows the only thing that could have distracted him. Sadly, due to the many changes between the novel and the anime this point works on a different level compared to the novel, but it’s still worth something. Yūki, in this precise point, figured out how things went (in the novel he figured out only who was the culprit, but was missing some details, here he has them so he clearly figured out how things went).

Back to the story. After showing us Odagiri looking uncomfortable the anime shows us the other boys… or better only the lower half of their smiling faces. The eyes not only aren’t shown, but there are shadows that implies they’re also kept in the dark. We’re back to Odagiri’s perspective. The other spies are just faceless to him, people who’re making fun of his for his own inability. Though he held his ground during the discussion, the atmosphere is clearly oppressive to him and he feels nervous, inferior. They aren’t his friends, they’re there to judge him and make fun of him.

It’s a bit like how Sakuma saw all the spies smiling when he realized he would have to commit Harakiri because remember? This episode traces quite a bit of parallels with the ‘Joker Game’ episode.

Also something worth mentioning is how the room is filled with smoke. The three ashtrays are filled with cigarette butts, though we see only Miyoshi, Kaminaga and Fukumoto are smoking. Evidently the others had been doing the same previously. The room is as foggy as the kitchen was when Sakuma was playing the Joker Game.

Yet, I don’t think the others are there to really make fun of him and they hadn’t even figured out things like Yūki did as they don’t know about Nishiyama Chizuru and aren’t in Yūki’s league. Actually, later on, we’ll see they aren’t even there to make fun of Odagiri as some of them will try to find elements that can support Odagiri’s theory.

Meanwhile the camera is now high over everyone. We’re practically looking at them from a point high above them all. Enjoy the oppressive and still atmosphere as Odagiri doesn’t know what to say.

The music in the background stop abruptly and, while we see Odagiri’s eyes looking down, Amari starts speaking. He picks up a photo and asks if Schneider was fluent in English. The camera moves on the photo he’s looking, the one of the suicide note and we see that, on its corner, there is a really small sign.

The musical BGM is now ‘Seion’ [静穏 Quiet].

Tazaki wonders, like we could do, if it’s just from testing the pen.

Amari agrees it could be that but we get a close up of that small sign and so we can see that, as Amari will say later, that small sign looks like two X, side by side… which might not tell much to us and, especially to Japanese viewers but Fukumoto comes to everyone’s aid by pointing out that in English double-cross means to betray so it can be that Schneider betrayed someone or was betrayed by someone.

As Fukumoto says Schneider might have been the one who betrayed someone the camera goes on Yūki. Maybe this is a hint that Yūki figured out that Schneider dumped Miyoko in favour of Yuriko and this pushed Miyoko to kill him. Maybe not. The novel and the D no Maou manga can’t help us to figure out things as, in them, the solution to the case is pretty different so do your pick.

Amari asks Yūki what does he think in this regard.

Yūki finally opens his eyes, which is a hint he has finished thinking and has taken a decision and starts issuing orders. They’ll let the matter slide and prioritize taking control of Schneider spy network. He then assigns jobs to all the boys. As soon as he issues an order, the boy mentioned stands up and walk away to fulfil his mission. As the boys leave they pass next to Odagiri. They’re smiling.

To Odagiri, as he stand there, frowning, their smiles likely feels like malicious smiles of someone who wants to make fun of him but I’m not so sure that’s what behind Fukumoto or Amari’s smiles. After all they offered a possibility for Odagiri’s idea that Schneider was killed by someone else to be true, didn’t they?

To be honest though the audio and the visual are a little off as Fukumoto has already left when Yūki made his name… ^_^;; I wonder if this got fixed in the dvd release…

Anyway Odagiri ends up remaining alone with Yūki. The camera is showing him from a side. We can see that now his head is lowered, is gaze is downcast and he’s sweating slightly as he asks Yūki want he wants him to do.

Likely his frowning face was a mask, a way to hide his true feelings from the others. Odagiri is uncomfortable and clearly feels like he failed. He tried to be tough when the others were there but now… we can see he’s not so tough. He even hesitates slightly when speaking to Yūki…

Yūki is also shown by his profile. Him and Odagiri are sort of in opposition, though it’s not like we’re one against the other. It’s just they’re in opposite places, the spymaster and the spy under him who has failed to accomplish his job.

Yūki is shown with his eyes closed. This sort of hint he’s thinking. Since Yūki evidently came to a conclusion on what had happened he’s likely not thinking at the case, but more at what to do with Odagiri, how to shape the order he’ll give to him. We see him opening his eyes and, as the BG music ends, the camera shows us a close up of his face. It’s the sort of scene that tells us Yūki is in control here, that he’s the supreme boss. He tells Odagiri to investigate the woman that was at the scene. Note that he doesn’t make the name of the woman that was at the scene and that actually there were TWO women at the scene. Odagiri is surprised and starts with saying ‘but she…’.

We won’t know what will happen afterward as the scene will switch, but it’s clear that when Odagiri started speaking he had already decided to which one of the two Yūki was referring. Let’s note that Odagiri knew it was Miyoko who introduced Schneider to Yuriko so BOTH women had a connection with him, even if us, viewers, don’t know yet. It’ll turn out though, that Odagiri immediately assumed Yūki was talking about Yuriko.

While this could be due to the many changes between novel and anime, let’s pretend it’s planned. Overall this would mean that Odagiri instinctively defended Yuriko. Yūki’s sentence was meant to be ambiguous on purpose. Yūki figured the culprit is Miyoko but Odagiri is so focused on Yuriko he only worries about her. It would be a nice psychological touch. But well, as I said, the scene switched before Odagiri had the chance to end his ‘but she…’ sentence, so let’s see what happens afterward.

‘Tōryaku’ [韜略 River] starts being played.

Night or very late in the evening. While the camera shows us the Shinjuku Akakaze theatre, we can hear Odagiri’s thoughts and they tell us that Yuriko has an airtight alibi. It’s now that us, viewers, learn he was thinking about Yuriko. It doesn’t come as a big surprise to us as, while it was possible to assume that Miyoko was the friend that introduced Yuriko to Schneider, at the moment we’ve no idea about this so Miyoko feels unconnected to the case… even if actually, if we are to accept that Schneider was killed by a killer or another spy, we should suspect of her all the same.

Anyway, Yuriko was busy with a dress rehearsal when Schneider supposedly died and was never off stage for more than five minutes. As we hear this we see that Yuriko is at the theatre, acting. The BGM is the one of the theatrical piece, a violin playing a sad melody.

Her role is fundamentally a sad one. She’s a flower girl, the man she loves buy flowers from her to hand them off to another girl. He tells this other girl that, although he has to leave and might not come back, he’d like for her to wait for him and the girl, which is impersonated by Miyoko, says she will.

As they embrace Yuriko tells that she loved that man so much she is okay with him to be happy with the other girl and that she is willing to disappear from his life even if her life will be one of darkness and solitude as this will be a proof she lived. She says so smiling.

The story of the theatrical piece might seem irrelevant right now, just a sappy love story, same as Yuriko delivering her lines with a smile. We’ll learn of its importance later on.

Anyway the play ends and the scene switches.

We’re in what is a dressing room, which is filled with flowers of various types (this episode definitely has a flowers theme), and everyone in it is focused on Miyoko, praising her.

Miyoko thanks for the praises but claims Yuriko was the real star in spite of what happened. The visual shows us that Miyoko turns on a place that was likely Yuriko’s spot, only it’s empty and there are only the clothes Yuriko wore during the representation, a sign Yuriko has already left.

While one might assume from this that Yuriko has gotten over Schneider’s death, as Miyoko speak we see that Yuriko is actually standing in front of the signboard of the play with a sad expression on her face and a troupe member, who’s likely talking with Miyoko, wonders if Yuriko is all right.

��Yōkō’ [陽光 Sunshine]starts being played, though at the beginning one might think this title isn’t really fitting…

The visual shows Yuriko’s sad face reflected on the signboard and, on the corner of the signboard that’s visible the tiny draw that represent the character Yuriko acts in the play. The connection between the two starts to get more obvious. Now that Yuriko has lost Schneider (even if not to another woman) now a life of darkness and solitude awaits her as well.

She leaves, her head lowered, and we can see Odagiri looking at her from behind a corner. Hum… okay, they might exchange him for a fanboy so it could still not be overly relevant but really, it’s quite obvious how Odagiri was staring at her here. That’s not good for a spy, Odagiri…

Odagiri’s expression is sad, as if he was sharing Yuriko’s pain.

The scene switches to show us a flower field and two figures walking through it, a woman and a child, holding each other hand.

We can’t see the woman’s face, a hint that so far she’s a stranger to us…

…but the child smiles adorably at the woman and then the two walk away. It’s here that the BGM title seems fitting. Also, the whole scene is honestly beautiful, one of the best of the episode.

As the two figures are about to disappear, a voice says ‘excuse me, sir’.

We comes back to the present to see that Odagiri is startled. The voice was speaking to him and now it’s clear what we saw before was his memory and he was the cute child. That person asks Odagiri if is anything the matter. Really, Odagiri isn’t acting at the best of his abilities as he let himself be caught on staring at Yuriko by someone who was behind him and that he didn’t even realize coming closer.

This is a HUGE hint that Odagiri might have missed clues on what happened to Schneider because too focused on Yuriko to take notice of everything else.

Anyway the person speaking to him is someone who works at the theatre and he’s carrying flowers that admirers sent to Yasuhara Miyoko. Actually, apparently all the flowers placed there (there are a lot and of many types) are for Miyoko so Odagiri hurries to assure he’s all right and quickly switches the topic claiming, while starting at them, smiling, that Yasuhara-san is quite popular.

The guy thanks him and claims that Miyoko got better and better until she became their marquee actress. Odagiri asks him if the flowers he’s carrying are for Miyoko too and bends down to sniff at them, claiming they’ve a calming scent.

The man confirms, stating they’re Miyoko’s favourite flower. He then adds that the flowers, after a while, are handed off to a nearby florist.

Note that Odagiri sniffed the camomile but those weren’t the only flowers the man was holding, there were also roses and other types of flowers… all for Miyoko.

All this discussion seems pointless and just Odagiri’s way to distract the other from how he was staring at Miyoko… but it’s actually all something we’ve to keep in mind as it’ll turn useful later on.

Odagiri leaves the Shinjuku Akakaze theatre while ‘Seion’ [静穏 Quiet] starts again being played in the background and we see him walking through the streets. When he stops to a crossroad someone that was seated there starts on speaking to him before walking away. It’s Hatano that reports him on his finding in regard to the suicide note, which he investigated as Yūki asked him. He’ll cross other D Agency members, who all will make their report to him in a similar manner (speaking as they cross him then walking away). We see that Odagiri grows uncomfortable at this.

In the end, when Miyoshi reports that nothing unusual is going on at the German and Soviet embassies but someone new might have taken over Schneider’s spy network, Odagiri snaps.

The BGM pauses as Odagiri grabs Miyoshi’s shoulder and forces him to turn, angrily asking him why he’s reporting to him.

It’s like he’s feeling mocked by their actions. Miyoshi is clearly surprised by his action, a hint that this was not the case and that he doesn’t even get why Odagiri is asking him that.

Then, he frowns and angrily pushes away Odagiri’s hand…

…informs/reminds him that this is HIS case…

…surprising Odagiri as he evidently hadn’t realized this is (still) his case.

As ‘Seion’ [静穏 Quiet] resumes on being played Miyoshi walks away, leaving a surprised Odagiri standing there thinking ‘my… case?’.

It’s either morning or afternoon and ‘Yōkō’ [陽光 Sunshine] is playing in the background. The florist is taking away the flowers from the theatre. Let’s give this guy’s back a good look. Isn’t he dressed in the same way as the florist from which Schneider bought flowers in Odagiri’s memories?

Anyway, attentive viewers might have noticed there was a car parked at a short distance, half hidden by a building, and that the car started moving when the florist left, a hint that the car was going to tail the florist.

Although we’re back on evening/night and to the Shinjuku Akikaze Theatre ‘Yōkō’ [陽光 Sunshine] continues being played.

We move to the dressing room and to Yoriko, already in her acting clothes, staring sadly at a photo of Schneider and herself together before being told she should get ready to go on.

We’re again in the theatre and they’re again playing the same scene we saw previously. At first it can seem an annoyance to see the same scene being replayed but then, as Yoriko is making her monologue, she stops talking, her mouth open and trembling as if she were finding hard to say what she had to say.

The visual shows us that the viewers are surprised and that Miyoko slightly opens her eyes. It’s a hint that something is wrong, that things aren’t going as planned. We see that a tear trails down on Yoriko’s cheeks and then she falls on her knees, weeping. She manages to finally say her line but we know that previously she saw them smiling so we know that her tears aren’t an act. She spontaneously couldn’t help but start crying.

The viewers don’t realize it as her tears too can fit the mood of the scene and start clapping.

A door open and someone is leaving the stall. It’s Odagiri, who’s walking alone toward the exit. He pauses as Miyoshi’s voice comments that Yuriko wasn’t the murderer in Schneider’s case.

We see that Miyoshi was behind him, leaning on a wall. It’s hard to say if Odagiri deliberately pretended not to notice his presence of if Miyoshi managed to surprise him because Odagiri was still distracted by Yuriko.

Anyway Odagiri agrees with Miyoshi claiming no actor could fake such tears. Then he turns to Miyoshi and demands to hear his report on what he found about Schneider’s accomplices. Odagiri is calm and in control here, quite a difference from his last meeting with Miyoshi.

Smiling Miyoshi tells him it was exactly as Odagiri thought.

Evidently he isn’t angry that Odagiri was right in his theory making even though when Odagiri reported to D Agency he questioned his suggestion and, later, he got angry when Odagiri asked him why Miyoshi was reporting to him.

But let’s go back to the story. As ‘ Yogiri’ [夜霧 Night fog] starts playing, Miyoshi explains he tailed the florist… so he was the one on the car which moved after he left the theatre. The guy stopped at what looked like a florist shop but was actually a secret post for Soviet spies to exchange intelligence. Miyoshi says they communicated in code using a specific flower. A flashback shows us it’s the flower Schneider bought before dying, the chamomile.

The flashback also confirm that the florist who took away the flowers from the theatre was the same that sold the flowers to Schneider.

Miyoshi goes on claiming two spies made contact with Schneider, one was the florist, the other was…

Odagiri ends the sentence for him, claiming it was Nogami Yuriko’s friend, Miyoko.

Miyoshi asks him what tipped him off and Odagiri turns away from him as he claims it was simple. He just connected the scent of flowers that was in Nogami’s apartment just after the murder with the one of the flowers delivered to Yasuhara Miyoko.

Now… allow me a little digression here. This connection is… a little cringe worthy. I mean… Miyoko had a lot of flowers delivered to her, not just chamomile. Chamomile was only the one Odagiri happened to sniff and her fave flower but she’s receiving so many different flowers that at this point the connection becomes a little too loose. Whatever flower could ‘draw a connection’, not specifically chamomile. At this point Odagiri could have said she was the only one connected to flowers… only not really because the guy at the theatre was connected to flowers too as he moved around Miyoko’s flowers.

There’s to say thought that, due to the many changes done by the anime, this part is a complete original scene (in the novel the culprit is Yuriko and there’s not flower connection or Russian spies involvement in Schneider’s death) so it’s possible that the problem is simply that the anime authors weren’t as good as Yanagi Koji at mystery writing and ended up making a choice that doesn’t work as well as his own. Who knows.

Odagiri goes on claiming that Schneider planned to become a triple spy, and hand info to the British so the Soviets decided to assassinate him making it look like a suicide. Odagiri is smiling as he says so, evidently liking this solution.

Odagiri explains that in order to make it looks like a suicide they needed Miyoko to be on the crime scene and have some time alone there. This bit too is a bit shaky.

According to Odagiri’s theory, after seeing Schneider dead Yuriko rushed off in panic to the police station… but this wasn’t something Miyoko could actually anticipate. Yuriko could have been so shocked she wouldn’t be able to walk away, falling sit like Miyoko pretended to do. Or, as the novel remarked, could have decided to use the phone to call the police a phone that is well visible in the anime and couldn’t be removed because it needed to play a part in the anime plot as well.

Anyway, according to Odagiri, Miyoko used her time alone to place the suicide note on the table and added the double cross as a message to the English-speaking side (as if to say that Schneider was killed for attempting to betray the Soviets for England).

Miyoshi, still smiling, asks how she got the note as she surely couldn’t have him write it.

While all this is for our benefit, so as to explain things to us and let us see Miyoshi as he was killed off in the previous episode and we were all mourning him, it feels a bit weird Miyoshi hadn’t figured out. We’ve otherwise to assume he figured out but, for his own reasons, Miyoshi wanted Odagiri to voice it out. Note also how they’re talking in a public place and, since the play has just finished, people should actually get out now… unless a lot of time has passed and Odagiri was the last to leave after everyone has left? Still, people working in the theatre could and should be around. They could be overheard easily. In short although I’m happy this extra scene let me see Miyoshi again… well, it’s not really well planned.

Back to the plot. Odagiri claims it was a hint for the next code they would use… which again is shaky as writing down such code would be risky for Schneider… and, as a spy, he should be capable to remember it without writing it down. Really, for this to work we’ve to assume Schneider sucks as a spy.

Anyway the logic is that Miyoko knew Schneider would be in that apartment (let’s assume they agreed to this previously), called him and told him that what was written on the note is what she would tell him at their next meeting… and that Schneider felt compelled to write it down. Then, Schneider would decide he’ll have a glass of wine… which we’ve to assume Miyoko or someone else managed to poison… and here too the logic is shaky again because Miyoko couldn’t be sure Schneider would drink wine after talking with her at the phone, unless it was a habit of his but we’re never told about this.

Anyway the explanation ends here.

We’re back on D Agency.

We see Odagiri’s profile as he’s standing in Yūki’s office, likely staring at Yūki as the man says he was informed Yasuhara Miyoko confessed murdering Schneider and that the police thanks them, which is quite a rare occurrence. Odagiri seems… just there, as if his thoughts are actually distant. He doesn’t look firm or determinate. He’s… maybe sort of sad, tired, an inner sort of tired, lost in his own thoughts. It’s like he’s looking at Yūki but not really seeing him.

Yūki then asks if Nogami Yuriko resembles Nishiyama Chizuru.

As Yūki says so, we’ve a close up of Odagiri’s eyes. His gaze, that seemed unfocused and emotionless, changes abruptly as his eyes widens in surprise…

…and then he lowers them sadly as ‘Hifū’ [悲風 Sorrowful wind] starts being played in the background.

Odagiri remembers that, when ordered to monitor Schneider and Odagiri first laid his eyes on Yuriko he couldn’t believe how much she resembled Chizuru. As he thinks so we see a flashback. Odagiri is outside a house, peeking in it from behind a tree through the window. Odagiri must have good eyesight as he doesn’t seem close enough to see the people inside well.

Anyway, Odagiri sees Yuriko seated on a couch and Schneider coming close to her and kissing her. At this Odagiri’s eyes widen. It’s actually the surprise because that woman reminds him of Chizuru but, since he notices this only when Schneider kisses her it feels as if he was affected by the kiss.

Another flashback starts, one with little Odagiri who’s busy drawing or writing something. As we see him doing so we hear Odagiri admitting he never knew his parents’ faces, that he was left with his paternal grandparents but they were so old they couldn’t be expected to care for a child. As he says so we see the grandparents, who’re actually glaring at little Odagiri.

They don’t look like grandparents who would have a hard time looking after a quiet child like Odagiri seemed to be but as grandparents who do not want that child around… which is exactly how they were in the novel. I wonder if their expression is due to some change in the original script for the anime scene.

Odagiri claims due to this it fell on the young daughter of a nearby family to raise him. That girl was Nishiyama Chizuru, the girl we saw walking with him in the previous flashback. She calls little Odagiri ‘Hiro-chan’ and, as soon as little Odagiri sees her, his face lights up. Her face is finally shown and we see she has a striking resemblance to Yoriko.

For Odagiri she was the only one person in the world who accepted him… which hints that the rift between him and his grandparents was a little bigger than them just finding hard to raise a child.

As we go back to the previous flashback of Chizuru and Odagiri walking together, Yūki comments that Chizuru practically raised Odagiri, then eloped with a man who abandoned her and she never returned to her hometown but died of tuberculosis.

Yūki goes on and says that when Schneider died Odagiri said he didn’t notice anything wrong. At this Odagiri raises his head and looks outside the window, to the sky. His expression is… I don’t know, a little dead on the inside, as if he’s longing for something he can’t have, as if he were a trapped man.

Yūki goes on claiming the only thing that could distract a man trained by D Agency is Chizuru’s ghost so it was a simple deduction.

Odagiri agrees as he claims that he was so focused on Yuriko he didn’t notice the other woman in the equation, Miyoko. We go back to the flashback in which Yuriko and Schneider kiss. The camera moves away from them and we see, among the many people there, there’s also Miyoko, frowning angrily at them.

Yūki then asks Odagiri if he won’t reconsider. The camera shows us Odagiri’s resignation from D Agency.

Yūki’s sentence in a way it implies Yūki knows Odagiri won’t reconsider but still he’s offering him the possibility to change his mind. Odagiri merely nods to confirm his decision. At this Yūki asks him if he knows why they don’t accept women and explains that’s because women kills when it’s not necessary.

This too is shaky in this setting (and misogynist as hell as there’s plenty of men who kill for reasons similar to Miyoko or worse and therefore unnecessary… Wind Agency anyone? Oikawa anyone? Yoshino anyone? SMERSH killer anyone? but well, that was a misogynist time…) as Schneider’s death was decided by the Soviets. It might work if Miyoko wasn’t a spy previously and decided to become one only to kill Schneider, like Synthia Grane did (she became a spy… or better an assassin, to kill the man who caused her husband’s death even if this meant betraying her country and risking of losing her child)… but we’re actually told Miyoko WAS a spy working for the Soviets, which decided on Schneider’s death so it’s not like she killed unnecessarily… she obeyed to an order, like Gamo would have done in Ep 9 when he tried to kill Jitsui. The fact that she also found pleasure in that order because Schneider dumped her for her friend is secondary. She would have to kill him just the same.

This sentence would have worked better in the novel (no idea if it’s in it) where Yoriko is the murderer and she killed Schneider because he betrayed her with her friend when she had no problems accepting his other lovers. In that case it was no order that moved her, nor job, just personal feelings.

Odagiri reasons that being completely unencumbered requires not believing in anything else in the world and abandon trivial things like love and hate, betraying what’s in your hearts that supports you and casting it aside and this is something he can’t do as no matter how hard he tries, he can’t rid himself of Chizuru’s memory… or better, if he were to abandon it, he would no longer be sure of his reason for living.

He remembers the other D Agency students and Yūki as they were seated on the table discussing Schneider’s case and admits that in the end he couldn’t become a ‘monster’ like them.

‘ Yōkō’ [陽光 Sunshine] starts playing again and we see that the signboard at the Shinjuku Akakaze theatre is being covered with a writing that says they’ll reopen soon with a new cast. The guy doing this is the same that was carrying Miyoko’s flowers around. Odagiri appears behind him, holding a suitcase in his hand and asks him if Yuriko will not perform any longer.

The guy recognizes Odagiri and then inform him Yuriko quit because after losing her boyfriend and having her friend arrested… well it was a little too much to bear. Odagiri is surprised then lowers his head sadly as he says he understands but then the guys goes on, surprising him when he says they won’t see Yuriko perform again in Japan. Odagiri can’t help but ask where is she going with quite a bit of interest. Turns out Yuriko is going to Manchuria, which surprises Odagiri greatly.

Flashback back to when Odagiri was in Yūki’s office. Yūki tosses an envelope on the table (Yūki’s table too is scratched, I’ve to admit I love those little details in Joker Game)

…and claims that’s Odagiri’s dismissal. Odagiri bows slightly (nowhere as deep as Sakuma did as that’s not a ‘saluting’ bow) and Yūki tells him he’s assigned to be a First Lieutenant (he got promoted as previously he was a Second Lieutenant) in Kwantung, Manchuria. Yes, the same place in which Yuriko went. In short it’s not like Odagiri is free to go now, he still belong to the Army, just not anymore to D Agency… but apparently Yūki at least had him assigned to where Yuriko went.

Odagiri takes the letter and moves to walk away, and maybe it’s just me but now he’s walking like a soldier.

Yūki calls him ‘First Lieutenant Tobisaki Hiroyuki’ making him stop and turn in surprise…

…then Yūki basically orders him ‘Don’t die.’ The scene loses a bit of its importance as while it’s copied from the novel, in the novel Odagiri was assigned to the first line because the Army deliberately used this method to kill off the ones that left D Agency as they knew too much… so Yūki saying so was much more meaningful since Odagiri in the novel faced a concrete risk to die… while here he’s not put in such a dangerous situation… at least at the moment (fights in Manchuria will start in May and this episode is placed in April), so it seems he’s just reminding him part of D Agency’s motto.

Odagiri turns to him, stands at attention and then bows in what is the Japanese military salute, a sign he still took Yūki’s words like an order.

Yūki asks him if he’s stupid and then asks him who bows while wearing a suit. I take it as a hint he still views Odagiri as one of his men, of his spies, even if he’ll be assigned somewhere else.

Of course, for us viewers, the story of Joker Game came to a full circle. Those words were the first that Yūki said in Ep 1 to Sakuma, who just came to D Agency from the Army, and now they become the last Yūki will say to Odagiri, who’s just leaving D Agency for the Army. They’re an anime addition but they make sense in the anime contest as give it a good sense of closure.

And with this scene ends ‘Joker Game’ Ep 12 and the whole ‘Joker Game’ anime series… which I truly hope will be continued anytime soon.

Ending theme.

Overall, while Odagiri’s episode is a good episode… well, I think the changes to the plot didn’t really help the mystery story in it. I still enjoyed the many parallels with Ep 1-2 and the whole idea of coming to a full circle but maybe this episode too would have worked better if they had turned it into a two parts story. But well, I guess it couldn’t be helped. What I seriously mourn in this episode is the absence of Sakuma. This episode takes place short after his own… and in his own it wasn’t said that Sakuma would be assigned elsewhere, so it feels weird to have him completely cut out. Sure, Sakuma wasn’t in this episode in the novel, but with the many changes the plot of the novel underwent adding Sakuma in the background, maybe just standing there during the boys’ reunion or being the one who hands to Yūki the letter that says where Odagiri would be reassigned… or just being there in the study, wouldn’t have changed things drastically. Instead the anime merely had Sakuma go just ‘POF’ and didn’t even include him in the OAV, even if his voice actor is willing to work in Joker Game some more (in the OAV he dubs the cat, Yoru) and Sakuma is sort of an iconic figure in the series as he gets included in all the drama cds (excluding the first as that one focuses on Hatano only) differently from Gamo who’s not part of the drama cd.

So… well, I’m sad he just disappeared without an explanation.

On the opposite side, I’ve to say the anime was a lot nicer with Odagiri than the novel so at least I’m glad for him.

I’m also glad they give Miyoshi a role as our poor Miyoshi didn’t really get to do much in what was supposed to be his episode… and well, it sort of helped us to mourn him, showing his still alive. Sure, we know that this episode is chronologically placed prior to his death but well… it’s still nice to think that ‘Joker Game’ ended with Miyoshi still alive.

And this was Joker Game Ep 12. Thank you to everyone who was brave and patient enough to sit through my long, long ramblings for the whole episode. I hope other people will feel like sharing what they had observed while watching it!

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