#anyway I have other essays in my drafts

[chirpsythismorning]

Just now fully realized that Mike stopped looking for El after the crazy together scene, and the implications this has…

I know a lot of milkvans say this scene was actually romantic for Mike and El, because when Mike mentions her name, Will looks sort of disappointed. Honestly, I interpreted it as foreshadowing the love triangle that is still yet to come. But most of all, I think what follows shortly after and what it means for not only Mike and El, but also Mike and Will, is going to be important in order for the GA to understand the revelations that are still yet to come in the final season.

Mike and Will were saying they would support each other at a time when they felt like no one else would (or at least not in the way they wanted). And Mike mentioned this exact insecurity specifically, which was that he felt like El was still alive and that he was 'going crazy' for believing. And then Will tells him about how he thinks he's going crazy too. They confide in each other and make a little inside joke about how they'll go crazy together.

So really, there was no reason Mike couldn’t have just kept up with his daily walkie calls to El, seeing as Will was right there saying he'd be by his side no matter what. No reason at all. Unless...

After beaming at each other fondly, Mike and Will look away and go into this moment of dazed silence. It gives this feeling of uncertainty and confusion the way it's drawn out, leaving viewers thinking (at least subconsciously), “Huh. That was weird. Well, anyways--” Like, it almost makes you wonder if one of them was a girl, would the audience have been expecting a kiss?

And I can prove this because Mike also has this expectation of himself.

HEAR ME OUT!

The crazy together scene from 2x02 reminded me so much of a scene from 1x07, when Mike and El reunite and she asks him if she’s still pretty without her hair. Mike insists she's pretty, REALLY pretty. But then when El looks back to the mirror relieved, that’s when we get a shot of Mike making this face…

I don’t know what reasons milkvans could possibly come up with for why Mike made this expression here, beyond the possibility that Mike could be feeling an obligation to kiss El in this moment. In the episodes previous and following this one, Lucas, Dustin, Nancy, everyone basically, is making him feel as if he should like El.

She's a girl and yeah, he has started to have strong feelings for her. If this was a movie or a comic book and Mike was the main character, El would be his love interest, and having just returned safe, he would kiss her. That’s just how stories go. Or so he (we) thought.

Never in Mike’s mind has this been an option for him and Will. And that's why I think the crazy together scene sort of parallels the still pretty scene, in that Mike's expression looks like some variation of hesitance.

While I think the look of hesitance in the crazy together scene more so resembles him maybe holding back what he truly wants, because it doesn't match societies expectations of him, I think the still pretty scene resembles the exact opposite, a hesitancy over the discomfort he feels, before attempting to do what he think's is 'normal', even though it's not what he truly wants.

Let's say, instead that scene between El and Mike was between Mike and some boy he found in the woods (and only knew for a week), the audience would’ve been like EW THIS IS DISGUSTING AND PERVERTED. But because El is a girl, they love it!

And vice versa (in contrast), if it was Mike and El on the couch instead of Mike and Will (his best friend since kindergarten), a kiss would've been seen as perfectly timed and satisfying in that moment. The audience would've eaten it up!

Heteronormativity and homophobia. The hypocrisy of it all.

And yet we can't really blame most of the audience for viewing the show this way. After all, they have the exact same mindset as Mike. We've all been led to believe that THIS is how stories go, even when it's maybe not what's best for the characters, or even the overall story.

And Mike knows of these expectations of himself. Will too. That’s why they both look sort of awkward at the end of this scene. Not even because they wanted to kiss necessarily, but because they probably both had the same realization, which is that they might not have much further to go from here.

Then, after Will leaves, we see Mike trying to reach El one last time, only to 'give up the fight', dramatically walking away.

What follows the rest of the season is Mike focusing on Will as he's possessed with the mindflayer. They have moments that are arguably romantic coded, ie. the hand hold and the shed scene.

And Mike’s reaction to El’s return confirms this for me.

Right after the shed scene, a moment where Mike had just poured his heart out to Will, El returns miraculously alive, and it’s very emotional, as their reunion was highly anticipated.

I guess it turns out Mike wasn't crazy after all.. right?

As Mike and El are reuniting, he says, ‘I never gave up on you!!!’ to which El believes him, because the last time they made contact, she left Hoppers cabin shortly after and didn't return. Just before El left, she was literally upset in bed, as she felt Mike had given up that night. Tragically, if she'd stayed home, she would've found out that he did.

What follows after their reunion is Mike going into Will's room with Hopper, crying and screaming LIAR! DISGUSTING! PIECE OF SHIT!..

Like, I’m sorry, but let’s be real here. That outburst was way too emotional and overwhelming for it to be solely directed at Hopper. And this all happening in Will’s room (just like the milkvan kiss at the end of s3)? Why Will’s room? They literally had to put an unconscious Will in a different room in order for the events to unfold this way.

The reason Mike reacted how he did and said what he said, was because he was projecting. He does that sometimes. He’s not just angry at Hopper for lying and essentially replacing his role in El's life as her protector. He's also angry at himself. That's also why he crumbles pretty easily and accepts Hoppers comfort, because his emotions here are much more complex than it seems on the surface. He’s angry and ashamed and terrified because two people he cares about might be on their way to their death (AGAIN!). And not only that, but he's confused about his feelings for the both of them.

Despite Mike and Hopper's confrontation, when they join back with the others, Mike stays close by his side, instead of gravitating towards El, which is just such an odd narrative choice...

Then we see a shot of Hopper carrying Will out to the car so they can bring him to his cabin where the mindflayer wont find him.

Soon after, we get Mike and El talking in front of the Byers' before she leaves too, with Mike getting emotional over how he can’t lose her again. Then, she leans in for a kiss and Mike kind of just stands there...

This entire scene in front of Will's house is such an uncanny parallel to the end of s3, like, it's insane.

I genuinely believe that if they weren’t interrupted by Hopper, El would’ve kissed Mike just like she did in 3x08, with Mike standing there with his eyes wide open.

But alas, the moment is interrupted and she leaves with Hopper.

Then we get another IDENTICAL parallel to the end of s3, with both Will and El leaving in separate vehicles, as Mike watches them drive away, looking emotionally distraught.

It isn't until the end of the season that we see Mike reunited with either Will or El. First we see Mike and Will with Lucas, Dustin and Max all joking around at the Snowball. But suddenly people are coupling up, and a girl is asking Will to dance. And so Mike does what any good guy friend should do, he enthusiastically encourages Will to dance, only to look devastated watching it all unfold in the moments after (we get like 4+ different shots of this).

But then El is walking in and it's like everything is going to be okay.

Now, Mike and El have each other (bc like come on. she IS incredible and he DOES love her). So he ignores his repressed feelings and does what he thinks he has to do, what he just pushed Will to do.

He kisses El. He initiates it and doesn't hold back, unlike what he did at the start of that episode and unlike what he does at the end of s3.

Considering Will was passed out unconscious in the car, I can see why Mike didn't feel comfortable with kissing El like 10 ft away from him. This was just literal moments after he poured his heart out to Will to save him. And not only that but all of season 2 is basically romantic coded moments, with Mike always being by Will's side.

I also find it interesting that Mike's reaction to El in front of Will's closet at the end of 3x08, parallels his reaction to her in front of Will's house at the start of 2x09, which is that both times he had just had a meaningful moment with Will only a few moments before.

It's as if Mike's feelings for Will is what's been holding him back this whole time...

#byler #stranger things #byler analysis #byler meta #stranger things meta #stranger things 2 #stranger things 3 #here I go rambling #i have like two other analysis'/rambles in my drafts i plan on posting soon #because they all sort of click and make sense as a trio #we'll see #the tag is dry anyways so i don't feel bad about these being like 200 paragraph essays #might as well keep the tag popping

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

first draft making progress (but it still feels very scattered, as first drafts are wont to do)

#and i know i should be doing sources as i go at least for the sake of being able to write up my bibliography or whatever #but ngl when i’m mid-writing and getting on a roll i don’t want to stop to go grab sources #that i know are for the most part tagged on my blog. either one. #i have a single tag for everything here and more detailed tags on the other blog #so like… i can find stuff fairly easily #ANYWAY #progress!! i realize i sound batcrap insane but again: first draft #i’m gonna clean this up if not do a total rewrite eventually #(likely i’ll just tweak it/ ‘’fix it in post’’/whatever bc i hate rewriting it feels like it messes up my whole flow #but EITHER WAY it will be a bit clearer by the time i’m done skjhgskjghfs) #mmkay #Lu rambles #lftos essay #tw suicide #fob

[sisterdivinium]

And so ends the mini drabble regatta!

My thanks to everyone who read, liked or even left a little comment in the tags for these short attempts at different WN pairings <3

I want to hope that these humble offerings might inspire others to give other ships a chance, too, or to try their hand at drabbles in general. If I didn't please you with my interpretation of a given relationship, I am sorry; perhaps someone else will give it a go or maybe I'll do another one of these parties in the future and do better -- maybe you'll even consider joining me then.

For now, this blog returns to its regular schedule of doctor superion drabbles posted on Friday, at least until the end of the year. For early 2024, I want to have the next oneshot ready for publishing and I'll be focused on that until it happens. In the meantime, I'll be loitering around Tumblr as usual and sometimes on Dreamwidth as well :)

#mini drabble regatta #(tumblr user crumbland is that you i see on dreamwidth? hehe) #if anyone is interested: next oneshot is currently at around 20.000 words. rated m but not for the reasons you'd think. title: psychosis #it will be... something. a bit different to what you're used to from me. a little less inner suffering. #or rather... inner suffering added to exterior suffering lol but things will turn out for the better in the end. i hope #i'm writing the last scene already but this is only (complete) draft one. #it will sit for a few days untouched -- during the holidays -- before i go back to revise and rewrite #after that will be the matter of typing. debris was typed in some three days but it was shorter lol so we'll see #maybe february? i hope so. it will be almost a year since the idea has been in my mind thanks to the thekla ange chats interview #anyway. there is more writing on the way. i have drabble challenges i want to complete and other texts as well #and there are essays to write too. keeping busy!

[homosexual-fanfiction]

okay theoretically .. if you were to look at the word count for a chapter.. how many words do you think would make you say "this is too fucking long"

#extremely unsure as to weather i should chop this up yet again cus . i maybe sort of really rushed the planning near the end #when i was drafting everything out at the beginning of november #because i REALLY wanted to start writing but now i am paying for it by having to wrestle with these last few chapters #i think if i did break it up #i have an idea of where i would do so. but then i think i would end up with like a long chapter and then a shorter chapter and then a long #chapter again? #i want to give everything the space to have the attention it deserves and its looking like i might have to split this and make it 12 chapte #chapters if i want that tumblr can you please stop putting error messages over my tags while im trying to type. you bitch #anyways #all that is just to say i'm curious what everyone's opinion would be on what would constitute too long of a chapter #cus right now im thinking if it breaks 10k i'll find a place to break it up #but i'm interested to hear other opinions #i could have said that a lot more concisely instead of having an essay in the tags but u kno #btw NONE OF THIS MEANS ANYTHING IS READY SOON. just incase. i dont want to get anyone's hopes up on accident i think this chapter might tak #take a hot second here to write like i have chunks of it done and i know what i want to happen but i'm going to have to beat at it a lot to #make it happen smoothly #soooooooo be patient with me #for the sake of having a good chapter to read <3 instead of a rushed one <3 thankies <3 #not an update

[mattodore]

the spam bot i just got in my inbox trying to entice me to click its malicious link with promises of heterosexual porn...... babygirl you are on the wrong blog peddling the wrong grift 😔

#river dipping #approaches a lesbian in a bar hey you wanna watch me a Definitely Real Woman fuck my Definitely Real Husband? #respect.......... anyway i am once again in my drafts avoiding succession spoilers on my dash <3 good morning <3 #wanted to come online to say i'm finished with all three sets of poses for mattodore's family portraits :) #i finished watching khadija's latest video essay on the transgender moral panic as well as a three parter from behind the bastards #while working on these poses kdfnhkf originally i was just listening to music but i needed more going on #it's funny realizing just how long i was in blender... was rlly conflicted w/ the poses what can i say #i'm going to take a shower and then i think i'm going to start working on the sets in-game........ #i have to figure out how to work with the reflection this mirror i'm using is going to cause... hrmm... #i was also looking for large curtains similar to the red curtains from twin peaks.................. #if anyone's seen any like that pleaseeee link meeeeee #otherwise i think i'll just have to resize and layer whatever i already have #i'm hoping this turns out well... i feel like the second set of poses is gonna be hard to make flow well #but i really love it and it needs to be there for the other two poses to make sense. so. #these poses kinda make me feel a little crazyyy #ALSO LIKE. I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW WHAT THEO LOOKS LIKE AT FIFTEEN!!! AND HIS PARENTS!!! #UGHHHHHH. AND MATTHIAS'S MOM. JUST WAIT OKAY

[ub-sessed]

I am writing a little essay to post on Facebook about what I'm going through, workwise. This is a very rough first draft. I'm gonna post it here and let it sit for a day before I come back and clean it up.

(À mes followers francophones : Si vous voyez des erreurs dans mon texte, n'hésitez pas à m'avertir!)

Tourner la page

[English follows below.]

J'aimerais d'abord remercier tous mes collègues du plateau pour les presque dix ans de compagnie amicale et inspirant. C'est vous qui faites le movie magic, et vous le savez: Il n'y a rien qui est plus magique que d'assister à une équipe de feu dans le jus créer un nouveau monde au complet avec que leurs mains, leur imagination et leur collaboration. Personne d'autre ne peut comprendre c'est quoi travailler ensemble avec les gens comme vous-autres qui ont chacun leur propre super-pouvoir. Mes heures sur le plateau étaient les meilleurs de ma vie.

Là pour raison de santé ma vie est en plein transition.

--+--

I am intensely proud of the work I did as a script supervisor, especially of the sustained exertion it took to get that good at something that demanding, and in my second language! I feel lucky that I found my calling, that for almost a decade I got to do a job where I knew that once I got to set, all my other worries would disappear. When I was on set I was in my element, I was laser focused. I was my favourite me. I am grieving the loss of a career that I loved so much and that I worked so hard to build. (So hard. You have no idea how hard. How much effort I put into making it look easy.)

But now that I have finally acknowledged that I won't be able to go back to it, I find that I am enormously relieved. The fact is that in order to do what I did on set, I had to push myself to the very limit of my capacity when I was off set. Well beyond anything sustainable.

What a relief it is now to no longer be straining to be exceptionally good at something exceptionally difficult.

I have spent my whole life pushing myself outside of my comfort zone because that's the only way to really excel. But looking back I realize that the expectations I have set for myself have been absurd. That I have always pursued careers that were well beyond my physical capabilities, or that demanded inhumane hours, or required a level of self-discipline and self-motivation that were completely inappropriate to my temperament.

Script supervising was the closest I ever came to finding the perfect career for me, but even before I got sick, it was clear to me that the only way it would be sustainable was if I could always insist on having an assistant to do the paperwork. Very few script supervisors in the industry can demand that.

My whole life I have been told that I should be more ambitious, that something-or-other should be easy for me because I'm so smart, that if I just had the right attitude I could do things that I actually find nearly impossible. And my whole life I've felt like I was drowning.

Whenever I have tried to make a realistic assessment of my abilities and accept my limitations, I have been told that I'm being "too hard on myself" and that my "negative attitude" was what was keeping me from reaching my goals. But this misguided advice just made it harder to set healthy goals in the first place. I have spent the great majority of my adult life nowhere near my comfort zone. It was exhausting and stressful. These people were right that I should have had more self-confidence: then I would have believed that I know myself better than anybody else does.

It took being completely incapacitated by illness to realize that I have spent my entire adult life feeling inadequate for not meeting the well-meaning expectations of people with only the most superficial understanding of my situation. What a relief it is to no longer be trying to "live up to my potential".

I'm just grateful that I'm young enough that I still have a chance to build myself a life that actually goes at my own pace. A life where I put myself first.

#personal #rough draft #fuck having a career #i just want a job #definitely need to reword at least one of those push myselfs #wip #i have a lot more i want to say about how I've spent most of my life nowhere near my comfort zone #but that's a whole different essay i think #the advice to leave your comfort zone is based on the arrogant assumption that you're in your comfort zone in the first place #ok i got rid of two of the push myselfs #the two that are left kind of look like intentional repetition? #to all the people who have told me that i need to push myself harder: Do you have any idea how hard i am already pushing myself?? #i have so much beef with people who assume that because something is easy for them that it must be easy for me too #or because I'm good at something they find difficult that i just also be good at things that they find easy #the buck-up encouraging You can do it! is not actually helpful if the person can't actually do it #or has to sacrifice their well-being in order to be able to do it #anyway i have spent the past couple months realizing that i put a shocking amount of effort into trying to please other people #in spite of the fact that most people see me as a hard ass who takes no bullshit

[writeouswriter]

*Tosses you all the rough elements and jumbled outline notes of the essay like post I want to do but don’t have the energy to form into coherent full sentences and makes you write the essay yourself in your head*

#work smarter not harder kids #have a couple drafts on different pieces of writing advice that are just a mess of stream of consciousness bullet points for me to clean up #later on but like technically the points *are* there and you can get the gist even if it’s not fully formed but you know #I’m not gonna do that to ya #wish you could read my mind to see my analysis of two topics I really want to get into one being a look at writing grief and the other #being a look at where/why marvel went so spectacularly wrong in their usage of humour and so called whedonistic dialogue and a comparison #of old media vs new media using the same techniques but to different effects because of lack of balance too much of a *good* thing and blah #blah blah my point is not made clear in these tags but in my outlines there is a point and an excuse for me to rave about my forever #hyperfixation of Buffy which is not without its many flaws but which had a handle of the emotional and psychological aspects like no other #but I digress and am not getting into that in the tags good lord but anyway #ignore me go read your essay

[histoires-en-bouteille]

I can't sleep.

I think something is about to happen. Something really wrong. I can't explain it to myself, but I just know it. Deep in my guts, I know it.

I feel like every step we take brings us closer to the end, somehow.

We're about a day away from Alcura. We've mostly met passive creatures, the kind that run away when they see you. Sometimes they stare, long enough to give you the creeps.

There's always one that stares for too long. One that makes you feel like you're their prey, their object of curiosity. You never know how they think, you just know they stare. You see their eyes, so big, so dead, and you could swear there's something behind those fucking eyes.

Ava doesn't say anything. Me neither. We haven't talked in...I think we haven't talked in a week, at least. Sometimes shit go wild between us.

It's back. Staring again. Fuck, that thing is seriously creeping the fuck out of me. Ava is sleeping. Usually she would stare back until it would leave.

I can't do that. I'm not superstitious, I know Ava always says I am, I'm not, but you know what they say about those who stare back? They always get snapped from the sides. So busy looking straight into the dead eyes in front of them, they get too caught up in the moment and forget to watch their sides. That's how Big Grum got torn to shred.

I'll keep a side-eye on that thing. I feel like it's been following us, but I'm not sure. But it's been days and I can't sleep. I can't fucking sleep because whenever I close my eyes I feel my heart...I fucking feel that... that presence.

Mami used to tell us that if we feel a presence, we must keep our eyes open, because if we close our eyes, they'll be right there when we open them again.

Right here, in front of us, staring and grinning.

I should really shut up. Writing these things only makes me feel worse. There's no way I'll be sleeping tonight. No fucking way.

I just hope we can reach Alcura tomorrow. I don't feel like being outside with Dead Eyes any longer.

_

Extract from Todd's Journal. - Dead Eyes.

_

Notes from transcriber:

The extract was entitled "Dead Eyes" as a reference to the nickname given to the creature observed by Todd and Ava on their first trip to Alcura. The emphasis on the eyes of the creature became the focus of scholars curiosity, as well as an object of controversies. Dead Eyes has indeed been suspected of being █ █████████ ███████████ ████ ████ ██ ████████ █████ ██ █████████ ████ ███ ███'█ ██████████. (What's Behind The Eyes?, 150-163) ███████████ ████ ██████ ████ ██████ ██████ ██ ██████ ███ ██████, ███ ███ ██ ███ ████ ████ ██ ███ ████████ ██████████. (Archives of Security Register)

Dead Eyes became a recurring image in Todd's journal, and could be found from page 25 to 53, a section of the journal which corresponded to their second trip to Alcura. It also marked the disappearance of Dead Eyes's physical presence - though one can argue that Dead Eyes remained omnipresent in Todd's retelling of their travels, as defended by Elina Baker in Dead Eyes: The Haunting of A Presence (Baker, 23)

Todd often wrote about local beliefs and superstitions, as well as myths and stories he (and Ava) grew up with. The story of Big Grum - accessible on the online version of ARKives (ARKives, Formative Tales) - is what scholars commonly define as a "formative tale" for children, providing them with "life lessons and warnings related to the real life conditions and habits of [their] natal village[s]". (Dictiocon Online)

Todd briefly mentioned an altercation between Ava and himself. He gave no details whatsoever on the matter, but did say that "Sometimes shit go wild between [them]," proving the reccuring arguments they would have while travelling. In another extract entitled Home, Todd wrote about a violent altercation which led both parties to not talk to each other for more than three weeks. He also confided in his journal of this fight being "the worst [they] ever had" and explained how "miserable" it made him feel. (Home, 84)

_

@chaoticvampirejedi @m-o-o-n-s-g-o-o-n-s

#writing #ava & todd #todd #sacrificed #Todd's journal #Dead Eyes #I need to calm down before I create a real ARKives website and a real Dictiocon website and before i start writing real fake essays- #-and books about what's going on in the story and and and #someone stop me before i become really obsessed with the way i'm storytelling that #me: ho no i have to do research for school :(( #also me: spends hours of her days creating fake documents and writing fake research notes and fake transcriptions for her story #x'DD #also i have like 3 other drafts completely done and ready to be posted and that is the most prepared i have ever been in my life #i should go to sleep but also i have so many ideas and i write best at night!! (no you do not you just think you do) #but anyway you can have this one for tonight and we'll see what i have for you tomorrow and for the rest of the week hopefully! :D

[nativehueofresolution]

old school fandom was a nightmare to be sure, and i won't romanticize it - the hateful comments were wild, but i do feel like at least back then if people didn't like a ship they'd upfront be like 'i hate loumand!' and nowadays you still have people who hate the ship but say things 'well i like loumand of course but you have to acknowledge they never loved each other, what about the ship hierarchy we've enshrined as canon' and it's just tiring. say you don't like it and move along.

#i'm not vagueposting about anyone in particular before you get on me. #i'm talking about a trend that's very obvious if you go in tags #and it's trend to a degree that goes beyond just this fandom but this particular case stands out #mysteriously everyone is threatened by the ship with no white people even as they pen essays about why it's not real #as if loumand being real and having new and possibly more intimacy in the show invalidates other relationships they have #intimacy is only valid if you've shared it with one person. ANYWAYS #the rants i am saving in my drafts. #kaitlin speaks

[ambersky0319]

Well well well

If it isn't the consequences of my actions

#🙃 #anyway my brain is. not functioning atm so. no way i can even try getting a rough shitty draft done before the deadline tonight #SO #tomorrow we kicking it into gear and getting this stupid fucking essay done (SCREW rhetorical analysis. Fucking hate it) #FINALLY finishing the workshop letters i SHOULD have had done BEFORE LAST THURSDAY and apologize profusely to the people for being late #Peer review 2 other essay drafts for the rhetorical analysis bs before tuesday class #then spread 2 more workshops for THIS tuesday out later in the day #(i can do the letters themselves on Tuesday if need be - i at least need to read and form some thoughts for workshop tho) #anywho #do what i say not what i do: do NOT fucking procrastinate on essays. Especially research essays #amber's shit you can ignore

[bd-wlf]

Someone save me from writing this paper 😭

#its a controversial persuasive essay thats 6 pages long #its apart of my senior thesis class #THATS MY LAST CLASS OF HIGH SCHOOL EVER #i just have to do this outline and i can get on to the rough draft assignment #i chose to do it on Book Bans because i kept getting too emotional with most of the other topics #and they were all overdone anyway #except for book banning #writing class #high school #senior #class of 2024 #book banning

[noxtivagus]

i actually really enjoy writing for school

#🌙.rambles #doing the collage application essay rn for r&w #due in 1.5 hours uhh i just started a bit ago so i haven't actually written anything in the essay itself #but i have notes n i have a draft in my head of how i visualize it #i helped apollo a bit w theirs as well :> #i loveeee academic writing like this #;w;; i wna help others w their school writing #i wna tell my irls that but hmmm #sobs i'm a bit tired of giving one irl help bcs she doesn't return it #idm i don't expect anything from her n i love to help anyways but it gets tiring at times i think #🫠 i would really love to relate our answers in subjects like perdev #n philo. i want to know our values. not sharing answers for our assignments tho just yk sharing after we've already submitted #or i cld help them a bit with analyzing themselves #my close friends aren't really those kind of ppl tho 🥹 i have apollo to talk to at least thankfully #i wldn't mind i value everyone's individuality but it gets tiring when i feel alone yk? #but it's easier for me to relate this through voice rather than text but #i'm shit at initiating vcs even more so than dms or wtvr #like oh man pls believe me when i say i enjoy talking to ppl. i really do. but i srs get anxious with initiating n i'm trying to fix that #i don't think i've properly called with anyone other than apollo for nearly two months now ? #qwq hmmm i'll continue writing soon but i just need to write this off my mind #i really value authenticity. i'm an open and honest person at my core #i tend to hesitate though at times. i'm not really one to initiate but i'm definitely actively listening n formulating subjective n #objective opinions on it. formulated based on the kind of person i know you to be as well as yeah in general judging it as a whole #sobs i wish though that my friends were more openly insightful. i love listening to others and sharing/relating our own opinions n thoughts #but i'm not one to initiate. if one were to ask directly and read me well then i would definitely open up #ngl i'm not used to being read by others bcs i'm usually the one sharing my perceptions on others in order to give advice #aaah i shld really continue writing but i really do love helping others so please don't hesitate to reach out to me #i probably seem really sad on tumblr but i actually generally manage pretty well. i guess this is just #one of the only places i can allow muself to be more vulnerable about my weaknesses to other ppl bcs it isn't direct. i'm just dumping it #i know the kind of person i am n what i cld be. recent months tho i think i've been struggling tho in a way that hmm

[f1rodrigo]

the mclaren boy mystery

l. norris / o. piastri

summary: in which your boyfriend is a formula one driver for team mclaren and when you finally decide it's time to start hinting to the world, the internet is confused on exactly which driver is your boyfriend. pairing: social media au || lando norris / oscar piastri x reader fc: jazmyn makenna

a/n: made this on a whim instead of studying for exams & doing hw. there will be more parts eventually... i hope you enjoy for the sake of my abandoned school work. (edit hours later) -> omfg i spent all day working on this (literally at the expense of my hw & studying lolol) & i was about to publish it when i went to my drafts & it was just GONE. i was about to be in tears. i tried everything & finally accepted the fact that it was going to be gone forever. BUT i just opened tumblr again & there she was!!!! so so happy. anyways hope you enjoy<33.

sweet relief series | valentine's day drabble

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liked by landonorris, and 22,019 others

yourusername fast cars n pretty girls 💌

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user1 i have no idea who these girls are but lando is in the likes......

⤷ user2 fr i'm so curious now

⤷ user3 landos girl of the week i suppose 🤣

⤷ user4 prob just ur typical rich girls who spend their weekends at races 🤷🏻‍♀️

yourbestfriend same time next week?

francisca.cgomes gorgeous girls

⤷ yourusername love u kiks

⤷ user5 guys..... i am thinking Thoughts...

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yourusername added to their story

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liked by mclaren, and 542,111 others

oscarpiastri Singapore, the new helmet and I are ready ✨

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mclaren ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

user1 LETS GOOOOO

user2 oscar piastri singapore gp winner has a nice ring to it

user3 sexy helmet for a sexy man

user4 SLAYYYYYY

yourusername love the new helmet osc liked by author

⤷ user5 now she's in oscars comments wtf

⤷ user6 and he liked 😯

⤷ user7 are f1 drivers not allowed to have friends or something

user8 absolutely loveee 🫶🏻🫶🏻

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liked by oscarpiastri, yourbestfriend, and 44,921 others

yourusername we <3 singapore

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user1 guys this isn't funny anymore WHO IS SHE

⤷ user2 lando's gf

⤷ user3 SERIOUSLY?? HOW DO YOU KNOW

⤷ user2 calm 😭😭😭😭😭😭 i was joking i have no clue but honestly wouldn't doubt it

⤷ user4 would yall call me insane if i said i think she's oscars gf

⤷ user5 yes

⤷user6 hmm im listening

user7 oscar in the likes... after she was in his comments...

user8 full main post of lando AND oscar ffs no shame

⤷ user9 maybe they're friends like wtf is the big deal????

⤷ user10 obvs clout chasing

⤷ user11 literally how 😐

⤷ user12 misogyny thats how 👎🏻

⤷ user13 cmon not even close, no one in the f1 community had any clue who this girl was and one day she starts posting about f1 immediately people start talking about her thinking she's dating lando and then next post she's posting him and oscar like clearly trying to get people to keep talking about her. she more than likely isn't with either of them and is she just cashing in her 15 seconds of fame or trying to live out her wag dream

⤷ user14 not the essay in the instagram comment section bffr

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yourusername added to their story

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landonorris added to their story

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part two

reply or send me a message to be added to the taglist 🤍

#lando norris #formula 1 #lando norris x reader #formula one #lando norris imagine #lando norris x you #lando norris smau #f1 2024 #lando norris fanfic #lando norris fluff #oscar piastri #oscar piastri x reader #oscar piastri x you #oscar piastri imagine #f1rodrigo

[mabryart]

I … really can’t believe how much my family has backtracked on trans rights. They were more supportive when I first came out a decade ago than they are now

#i cannot stand the wave of bullshit they’ve been fed and I do not have the time or ability to help them unlearn it #when I have so many other things on my plate #actually I have a whole ass essay I want to write about the lack of good resources for ‘concerned parents’. maybe it’ll escape the abyss #that is my tumblr drafts #some day #because actually I can believe it and I know exactly where it’s come from #anyway it’s been one of my longest visits to them ever and I can’t wait to finally leave in a few days #transphobia / #negative / #personal #like gee buy me pride dog treats in the same breath where you tell me my queer identity is a lie and a cheat and a delusion thanks appreciat

[its-your-mind]

Some Thoughts on the importance of physical touch and connection for the Hells: A reflection on the new animated intro.

In general, I think the Hells are a really strange and special group, especially for a dnd party. They pretty much laid all their baggage on the table within the first week of meeting each other (What the Fuck is Up With That?) almost as a litmus test: "hey, here's all the shit that comes with being me, last chance to run away if that's too much."

and none of them did. and they all kept choosing to stay, even as shit got even weirder and more and more disturbing answers came to light. I think that continued choice from all of them - to stay - is what makes the bonds between the Hells so deep and so special.

okay trauma analysis and party dynamics is a DIFFERENT POST but it was all RELEVANT INTRODUCTION bc the CHOOSING TO STAY and the KNOWING EACH OTHERS' SHIT are like. key components to understanding why I am so feral about this. okay hopefully you will understand. the body of my essay is below. it has pictures. it got... too long. so. it went under a read more. yw. anyway click below if you want a very detailed analysis of an animated intro that is literally only one minute and thirty seconds long

For the first bit, character intros for Fearne, Orym, Imogen, Ashton, there’s no physical contact.

BUT. First intro of hells as a team. Ashton Trauma Flashback interrupted by laudna approaching slowly from beside him with her hand gently in front of him to signal her presence without startling him, and THEN just talking at them. Bringing him out of those flashbacks. Reminding him where he is and who he’s with.

And tbh? For Ashton? Touch is always iffy, so this is almost a more understanding and kind way to bring them out of the flashback. Just physical presence is good! UNLESS. (unless) first actual touch. Fearne stealing their coin purse, so gently that they don’t even notice it (FLIRTING THROUGH THEFT callowmoore my beloved)

(also grabbed the cap that shows her with his coinpurse these fucking ANIMATORS)

okay pt 2 FLYING OFF THE AIRSHIP

Ashton's first instinct and priority is grab laudna’s hand bc he KNOWS she is made of paper mache and he is ALWAYS watching out for her out of the corner of his eye bc she is breakable and he’s not gonna let her break bc he KNOWS what it’s like to be breakable and need someone to catch you when you’re falling but ANYWAY. he grabs her he uses his hammer as a fulcrum to throw her at Imogen

because OF COURSE he knows that the safest and most comfortable space for laudna is in imogen’s arms. and the two of them wrap their arms around each other and hold tight Superman style bc ofc they do and once laudna is in imogen’s arms she’s absolutely delighted by this whole situation bc OFC SHE IS

(tf do you mean I can’t add more than ten images on mobile UGH fine I’ll finish writing then draft and move to PC the images are IMPORTANT TO MY POINT anyway insert lesbians here) (note from future mind: I have decided that these pic descriptions i left for myself to grab the right images are fucking hilarious so they’re staying in yw)

Then fearne (who had been on her way in that direction already) swoops under Ashton to catch him as he flips over from the momentum so he can land on her giant bird back and she can fly him away.

(Pics: It’s fine to touch Ash if you’re saving their life)

(also not pictured: chet staying on the ship but losing his hat, orym grabbing it out of the air, imogen casting fly on fcg right before she catches laudna, fcg flying over to grab orym) All of this happens in six seconds by the way. One round of combat. These animators are fucking incredible.

BACK TO CHARACTER INTROS laudna who is ofc alone and in the dark at the bottom of the Sun tree, reliving her past…

(Pic: sad lonely laudna)

right up until Imogen puts her head on her shoulder, and the darkness burns away into light. She doesn’t say anything, or talk with laudna - all it takes is that physical reminder that she’s not alone anymore, that there is warmth, that she is surrounded by a family who loves her so much they chose to turn down comfortable beds in a lord’s manor so that they could join her in sleeping at the bottom of the Sun Tree. (Fav lil detail - fearne wrapped around Orym like he’s a teddy bear, and holding tight to laudna’s blanket to make sure she can’t go anywhere.)

(Pics: THE POWER OF LESBIANS AND FOUND FAMILY)

fcg. Fuck. Starts with their flashback, with their red eyes and their buzzsaw, but almost immediately we see Ashton reach out to grab their shoulder and Orym whip out a vine to tie up their saw.

(pics: reaching out even if it might hurt youuuuu)

Imogen goes on her knees and wraps her arms around FCG’s other side, and the rest of them all gather around him, holding him to keep him and each other safe, but mostly just grounding him in the present by surrounding him physically until the flashback fades and he’s once more aware of his surroundings.

(Pics: what the fuck they just need to be held)

(once shit has calmed down fearne uses this opportunity to pick Ashton’s pocket again. Flirting through theft).

(Pic: fearne is a menace to society)

final fight scene. fuck yes.

(Pic: IT’S THURSDAY NIIIIIIIIIIIGHT)

This is mostly just giving all of them room to be badasses (as they deserve) - but there are some things!! First!!

(pics: THESE WITCHES BE BITCHES minus fearne sry fearne we miss u but you are on fire and laudna is made of wood currently)

Imogen and laudna casting spells back to back, trusting each other to take care of what’s on their side. Inseparable, even in a battle where their party has scattered to fight other enemies.

BUT. The BIG thing though in this sequence. Maybe my favorite part? Idk I don’t have a favorite. But!! Orym. taking out four of Otohan’s shadow knights. then facing off against her personally!! And it’s one-on-one, because this was Orym’s task alone - to find the person who attacked his leader and killed his family. He’s angry, but mostly he’s honed-in and focused and determined. This is his mission.

(Pics: WHO’S JUST A LIL GUY NOW HUH)

But then, when Otohan pushes him back…

(Pic: fuck. shit. fuck. im. fine. anYway. them.)

FCG and Ashton are there right behind him, and they put their arms out and catch him so he doesn’t fly back any farther. And there’s this look of surprise on his face, because once he lost Will, he never expected there to be anyone else standing behind him, ready to catch him. And yet, here they are.

(Pics: fuck yes fuck yes fuck yes GOOOO ORYM!!!)

They give Orym a push forward and follow behind him, and he walks back towards Otohan with confidence. Lil grin on his face, brisk walking pace - he even does a little fancy sword swoosh! Because maybe he’s not strong enough to take out Otohan on his own. But the thing is, he’s not alone anymore.

(Pic: THEY.)

None of them are alone. And whenever any of them forget, or slip into old habits and memories, the rest are right there to reach out a hand to remind them.

Building a family out of broken pieces is difficult even without an apocalypse. But the Hells have shown each other, over and over and over, often with their actions even more than their words, that they really are dedicated to this family that they've built together. This intro fucking slaps so hard and the animators deserve so much praise for how incredible this intro is

#Tbh I could (and probably will) write multiple essays on the new intro but this is the one I love the most #no I’m not touch-starved what are you talking about #critical role #bells hells #c3e76 #cr3 #c3 #cr3 spoilers #c3 spoilers #bells hells intro #ashton greymoore #laudna #fearne calloway #imogen temult #fcg #orym of the air ashari #chetney pock o'pea #bells hells animated

[genericpuff]

i had a post in the works talking about some of my personal life shit and the things i'm looking to do with rekindled this year to help make personal life shit easier aaand then i fell asleep for a nap and when i woke up Rachel announced that LO was ending in less than 10 episodes ??

sooo yeah i'm officially saving that post for later, because LO is officially ending, with an actual end date. It does mean that it's not ending at the start of Spring like my initial prediction, which is a bummer (because that would have been really cool LMAOOO) but it does mean it gets to go on long enough to resolve the current plot arc. As for every other plotline in the story... yeah, those aren't getting wrapped up, at least not in any way that could be satisfying.

For over the last year LO has been a series of "wait seriously???" and this is yet another, though it's kind of different this time. We knew the end was coming and practically begging for Rachel to pick an end date because for many, following along with this comic has become a Sisyphean task week after week. It's bittersweet in a way, but . . . I also kinda don't feel anything? Maybe it's just my 'tism, maybe it's just the fact that I'm so tired of following this series, but I just... don't feel joy, but I don't feel dread. It's ending and that's that. As all things come and go in life, some day there won't be any more LO, and that day is May 11th.

I will miss the weekly readalongs that I would do with pals, the memes we'd make out of the new material, but I don't think I'm going to miss the comic and everything it said and did. At this point reading LO feels like watching a horse struggle to breathe and you're just begging the farmer to put it out of its misery, but the farmer thinks "No no, it'll be fine! It'll get back up in no time!" and it's like... no, it desperately needs to be put to rest 💀

I still have my two drafts stowed away, both on opposing sides of the fence depending on how LO turns out-

-and now we finally have an end date on when those essays will be written.

I don't know how I feel yet about it ending. These are complicated feelings to sort through regarding a comic that's basically been my life for the last few years, even before I turned into a critic of it. I'm just glad there's a light at the end of the tunnel. And I'm glad even my "love to hate it" energy has been waning on it the past few weeks anyways so that the end of it all can feel as painless as possible LOL Don't get me wrong, there will still be plenty to discuss after the comic, I don't think the antiLO/ULO community will just disappear into a puff of smoke as soon as LO is over, but I think a lot of us are also equally relieved that the comic made it this easy to stop reading and that it now has an end point.

And most of all, I'm hoping that whatever ending the comic brings, even if it just winds up being the S2 finale all over again for the critics, is still satisfying for the fans who have stuck around with it this long. The people who have loved this comic through it all at least deserve a proper send-off and I really hope Rachel gives it to them.

As for me... I'm not going anywhere, but it's been nice to stuff the overflowing clothes of LO back into its drawer within my brain. I want to make room for other drawers, other things, other pieces of work that will undoubtedly bring me more joy and entertainment. I don't know what yet, but it's nice to know the drawers aren't overflowing anymore.

And that's all I'm gonna say on that.

#lore olympus critical #anti lore olympus #lo critical