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wolfofansbach · 8 months

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Personal thoughts and meditations upon the occasion of the Riverdale series finale.

Probably like four people are going to read this but I feel compelled to write it out anyway. This show has genuinely been a massive part of my life. I watched the first episode because some high school friends encouraged me to (IRONICALLY, BRO). I was in high school when I started this show. Those friends of course long ago fell away, unable to continue, unable to wacth anymore, but I have kept the faith. All seven seasons. Every. Single. Episode.

I’m not even entirely sure what captivated me so much about the show. I loved the atmosphere of season 1. I genuinely wanted to find out who killed Jason Blossom. Was genuinely fucked up by episode 1 x 12 and the first season finale.

I have such fond memories of watching the first season. I distinctly remember a road-trip I Tok with my friends the summer of 2017, and joking about maple syrup drug empires and the “weirdo” line back when that was the wildest scene on the show. Joking about how sick of the song ‘Believer’ by Imagine Dragons (2017) we were.

And then I decided to get involved in a fandom for the first time in a couple of years, and so I revived my old Tumblr, and I began Posting. And reading posts.

That was my last summer after high school and I was so nervous about college but this show and this fandom helped me get through it. My freshman year I lived in a dorm, and if you wanted to watch TV you had to go down to this common room, so every Thursday I would go down there like an hour ahead of time and occupy the place to make sure the remote was in my hands by 7 PM. A few times I failed, and I missed an episode because of it. But rarely!

I remember that slowly dawning feeling as season 2 progressed. Scrolling my Tumblr feed and slowly seeing people come to the realization: “wait…is it just me or does this show actually suck.” Was kind of frustrating at the time, realizing that the writers just like…were bad, but in retrospect? Beautiful. Incredible. Legendary.

And you could even say that’s where the fun really began. Yes, there’s plenty to hate, but also Riverdale is brilliant. The show of all time. For real. No other show has done it like Riverdale. They just haven't, and they never will. The age of the cable television teen drama is ending, and what a hell of a last hurrah Riverdale has been.

The Red Circle. Jingle Jangle. The Gargoyle King. Edgar Evernever and his fantastic rocket. Bret Weston Wallis and Donna Sweett (genuinely cannot say their names without giggling). Jughead getting hit in the head with a rock and faking his death for like…some reason? I genuinely can’t remember, something to do with the Hardy Brothers idk. Tabitha sprinkling the devil with the tears of the Virgin Mary. The normies can laugh all they want about “epic highs and lows” but do they remember the even funnier lines like “if there’s no wedding, that means the gargoyle king has won” or “word of my exploits serving Nick his comeuppance…” THEY NEVER WILL. ONLY THE TRUE FAITHFUL UNDERSTAND.

And is silly as it all was, I have genuine affection for these characters. Like Betty, Veronica, Jughead, Archie, Cheryl, Toni, actually mean a lot to me. YES they’re fake but I want the best for them (and for Beronica to be canon but you know we can’t win them all). I’m genuinely grateful that this show has existed and been a part of my life for the past six years.

Moreover, I credit this show for seriously getting into writing. I’ve actually written almost a million words of Riverdale fanfiction. Much of it will never see the light of day, but it exists. Maybe I even have one or two left in me, I don’t know. At the very least I’d like to finish a few uncompleted fics. But I’ve also branched out. Since I started seriously writing in 2017, I’ve also finished several original manuscripts, and who knows, maybe one day I’ll get one published. Stranger things have happened.

So, thanks Roberto.

And thanks to all of the very cool people I’ve run into in this fandom. I honestly wish I’d gotten to know most of you better, but them’s the breaks. Hopefully this isn’t weird but I’m going to tag a few people in particular.

@village-skeptic. I know you’re not in the fandom anymore (lucky you), but thank you for, once upon a time, reading every one of the 200,000+ words of a 17-year-old kid’s turgid, indulgent, Riverdale Spanish Civil War fan fiction. I never, ever would have finished that story without you, and I credit it with giving me the confidence to keep writing, and in fact to write everything I’ve written since then. You’re brilliant and awesome.

@satelliteinasupernova. Thank you for also reading Interbellum (are we noticing a pattern), and more importantly for all of your wonderful drawings. INCLUDING fanart of some of my fics. You have no idea how happy that Strange Death of Elizabeth Cooper piece made me. You rule.

@sullypants. You were a perennial presence on my feed. Always wonderful to see. I love your taste in art, and I love those ‘penguin classics’ covers you made for a few of my fics. Thank you also for beta reading a few fics for me back in the glory days. And thank you for chatting with me a couple times over the years, including a few times when I was in quite unhappy places.

@stillhidden. I’m not sure if we’ve ever actually talked, but you like or reblog everything I post and it makes me feel like I’m not just shouting into the void. Same goes for @frauleinfunf Thank God for dutiful mutuals.

@sonyascomet. I can’t remember when I started following you but you have a really good sense of humor. And I’ll always remember when you kept posting about “Greg” for Succession and I, not knowing anything about Succession, kept imagining Greg Heffley.

@stillhidden thank you for your world-weary Riverdale posts. You truly understand fandom like few others.

@halcooper. Your devotion to the neglected parents of Riverdale is truly admirable. Every time I see Lochlyn Munro in some weird low budget horror movie I’ll think of you.

I hope I didn’t forget anyone who would be offended by my forgetting, but I doubt it.

All this to say this show has been a genuinely huge part of my life for six years. SIX YEARS. I graduated college, my God. I wish I could say I became a millionaire or a successful author in that time, but nah. Maybe one day, but for now I’m just kind of vibing. And unfortunately, I’ll have to vibe without Riverdale from now on.

But as I sit myself down to watch the very last episode of this show, I remind myself that we’ll always have the memories. And I’ll always be an unapologetic Riverdale enjoyer. As a great man once said, snakes don’t shed their skins so easily.

#riverdale #im getting sentimental #my god

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shion-yu · 6 months

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Gave myself almost-pneumonia and my couch looks like a damn stock photo.

Since the whole time I’ve been like, “Am I living one of my shitty fanfictions? Coz this sucks.” Let me tell y’all a story.

Cold weather sucks as a severe asthmatic. I moved to the South so I didn’t have to deal with the frigid winters of upstate NY. I’m basically on and off sick until Spring comes (and then there’s allergy season but I digress). I think it’s helped some, but my lungs are just fucked up ok?

Anyways I went to a concert last Saturday and it was freezing. Then I went to the zoo on Sunday with a friend and it was also cold and swarming with kids who don’t know how to cover their mouths when they cough. It was a great weekend but by Tuesday I was sick - great. I had some warning bc my friend I went to the zoo with said they got sick yesterday. But it just seemed like a minor cold and I’ve been through this a million times, I truly did not think it was gonna get too much worse. My asthma was mostly under control and I rested a lot all week.

Thursday I’m more tired, but I start nebulizer treatments and even skip ice skating class and reschedule it for Saturday bc hey, I’m responsible. But Friday I start to feel worse. Like to the point where everybody at work is like wtf go home and one of them told me she’s gonna get me holy water. But it’s okay, it’s still been SO much worse and I’m really fine.

Saturday morning I wake up and I feel like I’m cured. So I go to ice skating class. And maybe I take a little walk in the rain. Bad fuckin idea. By the end of the day I’m having full blown asthma attacks one after the other and sweating like crazy. My abdomen is aching from coughing so much that it hurts to sit up. But I really don’t want to go to the ER. Not again. So I message my pulmonologist and hope I can just say never mind I’m good now by the time he answers on Monday.

That brings us to today, Sunday. I woke up at 6am after only 4 hours of sleep because I can’t stop choking. I’m sneezing and coughing up fluorescent green stuff, my throat tastes like blood and I have a fever. I really, really didn’t want to go to the doctor but it’s time. I drag my sorry ass to urgent care where the entire hour I sit in waiting, everybody who walks by gives me a ‘goddamn’ look because I’m coughing loud enough to alert the entire damn office. I’m so embarrassed bc what if they think I’m being dramatic and wasting time - again? I awkwardly explain my situation and the doctor sends me for CXR. When it comes back he says “Well, you don’t have pneumonia yet but see alllll this stuff here? That’s inflammation. I’m gonna prescribe antibiotics and (way heavier) steroids and you might have bronchitis already but your asthma is so bad that it’s indistinguishable by now. Also with your lungs you probably won’t be able to tell you have pneumonia until it’s pretty bad.”

So anyways, that’s my week. At least I got a lot of writing done for Whumptober - didn’t have to dig very deep to find enough misery to go around to all my fav OCs lol.

#self obs #taken before I got a 10x higher dose of steroids and also antibiotics #brought to you by ~asthma~#almost pneumonia bc the doc said I probably have bronchitis but my asthma is so bad they’re indistinguishable at this point #CXR questionable #so that’s fun #anyways it’d be hot if it wasn’t me so here ya go #sicknario #snzario #snz #snzblr #snz kink #snzfucker #flu whump #illness whump #asthma #coughing

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jenthebug · 1 year

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15 questions for a handful of people

I was tagged by the awesome @gettingbuilt-likebigbarda

Are you named after anyone?

My dad said he chose my name because “It looks good on a resume.” My mom said Dad chose my name because “He had a crush on a TV lady named Jennifer.” Who knows?

When was the last time you cried?

Last Thursday when I was so sick.

Do you have kids?

One teenage Jay ^_^

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Rarely. My sense of humor is more silly than sarcastic.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Their size. I’ve been physically overpowered. Even before I notice a person’s smile, my favorite thing, I’ve sorted them into “Oh good” (they probably aren’t big enough to hurt me) or “Use caution” (they are big enough to hurt me).

What’s your eye color?

Blue

Scary movies or happy endings?

Comedies with happy endings, please!

Any special talents?

I have plenty of skills, but my only real talent (skill that’s super easy since I have a predisposition toward doing it well) is writing.

Where were you born?

Aurora, Colorado. I have lots of feelings about it.

What are your hobbies?

Writing, drawing, crochet (which I haven’t picked up since Soba joined the family, because cat + yarn), photography, walking

Do you have any pets?

Soba and Momo!

What sports do you play/have you played?

I swam for a little while in high school until I had to get a job.

How tall are you?

5’3″

Favorite subject in school?

English. Easy A for doing things I like to do anyway? Sign me up

Dream job?

Fuck having a job. I don’t want a job. I have cancer. I want to stay home, keep house, raise the kid, and take care of myself.

I’ll tag @fatmaninalittlesuit @belovedgoofball @princessspowerlifter @robinruns @gingermuscles @simplehomemaker @fatgirlgetsfitatlast @maria-the-ghoul @restforthe-burdenedsoul and whoever else wants to do it

#i was tagged

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softlenaluthor · 5 months

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Would somebody be available to offer some advice?

(Long story short: I got fired bc of mental health costs, my boss didn’t follow procedure during my reintegration so that could be a problem for him, and now he might be asking me if I want to come back)

In August, I called in sick for work due to stress caused by the workload, and I worried I was going to get burned out. I’ve requested to speak with the company doctor, but after our initial conversation I’ve had to wait seven weeks for a follow up meeting. In the meantime, I returned to work with less hours, verbally agreeing to do so with my employer. In the Netherlands, this is supposed to be done in collaboration with the company doctor to monitor the progress.

Three weeks ago, my boss informed me that I had to think about what I wanted to do in the future as my contract would expire by December 31.

Two weeks ago, we followed up on that conversation. I felt better and insinuated that I was interested in getting back to work fulltime. He informed me that the decision has been made that my contract would not be extended due to the risk of my mental state potentially causing another sick leave next year. It would cost the company a lot of money. I was told that I could stay home immediately and was not required to come in at all. My vacation hours (which I have never taken) would be used for my last two months of pay. My accounts were scrubbed that same day, and he sent out an internal message to colleagues that I would not be coming back to work. I was “allowed” to speak to the company doctor, since I had that appointment planned anyway.

Considering the fact so much has changed since the beginning of September, I informed the company doctor that I was basically back to work for three scheduled hours, while I more often than not worked my full contract hours. I also took on nearly all the same responsibilities during that time. It was only the first two weeks that I didn’t take on much work and tried to focus on my health. After those two weeks I felt guilty and started taking things on again. I also mentioned that my missing hours were paid with my holiday hours.

That is not how re-integration works in the Netherlands. They have to pay me sick pay instead of using my vacation hours, and my reintegration has to be documented. The company doctor advised that she needs to sit down with me and my employer to have a chat about it.

Thing is, I was never a bad employee. I took on too much work and nobody stopped me, and I got burned out. The way they tried to erase me does not sit right with me. I told the doc I’m not interested in seeing him again, nor do I feel comfortable just going back to work. But I do have a responsibility to actively work on my reintegration, so I will do it. It’ll likely be 2x a week 3 hours only.

You’ll be inclined to think, but why? If your contract expires in December anyway?

We’re gonna sit down and talk about it on Thursday. My employer called me this morning though, asking about what I said to the company doctor. I didn’t tell him what I said, he doesn’t have a right to know. I just told him that the doc advised I need to sit with him and talk about it. My employer asked me what I wanted. If I still want to work for the company. He told me that he can’t have me sitting at home unless I’m using my holiday hours for it. Do I want to come back? “Not really,” I thought to myself, “not after how you treated me for having a mental illness.” Of course I didn’t say that out loud, because everybody needs work.

What would you say in this situation?

I don’t want to lie and say that I want to come back, but I do need a job. But do I want it there? He’s lost a lot of credit for how I was shoved aside after I worked tirelessly for this company. (It was my stupid mistake, I understand, to work so many extra, unpaid hours. Sometimes I’d come home at midnight.) In the Netherlands, if you’re not responsible for your firing you’re entitled to transition pay in most cases. I need to be careful how I thread in order to soften the financial blow that might be awaiting me.

#long post #ignore if you ain’t reading allat #otherwise I’d like some advice 🤲🥺#work related

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mongooseblues · 2 years

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Not One Single Pneumonia

Plush-soft, plotless Cal/Rafie. Sickfic but not snzfic (my apologies). Occurs pretty early in their relationship, Cal’s Spanish is still elementary. A chest infection that spirals out of a cold he technically caught from Rafie. (Quick reminder of what they look like bc I almost forgot how much I love this image.)

- — - — - — - — - — - — - — - — - — - — - — - —

There’s always seemed to him something vaguely... presumptuous, almost, about sitting on these examination tables at doctor’s offices. A bit like assuming a position on a bed when you didn’t strictly need to be laying down.

The RN introduced himself but Cal was too preoccupied trying not to cough too much to have caught his name when he’d said it. He scribbles against a clipboard as Cal speaks.

“It was a cold last week but now I’m feeling worse. Um, obviously the coughing. It’s been keeping me from falling asleep, or it wakes me up. I feel as if I’m perpetually a little out of breath, because it’s kind of preventing me from being able to breathe in very deeply? I’ve also been feverish for the past few days.”

When his blood pressure is taken he mentally notes that it’s high for him, and as his vitals are relayed he realizes how pervasively whatever this is has affected him. He is unspeakably tired. When he’d looked in the mirror this morning and saw the intensity of the shadows around his eyes, he was reminded of a semester-long bout of very bad insomnia and Malik once saying, “Cal you look like a sad little raccoon.” He said it to himself this morning.

He shivers again as the nurse takes his temperature, announces it as “One oh two point nine. You said you’ve been feverish for multiple days now?”

“Yes, since maybe… Thursday or Friday, I think. I’m not sure how high it was then, it tends to climb at night, I wasn’t really keeping track of my temperature. The fever in and of itself actually escaped my concern, because I tend to spike a high fever whenever I’m sick at all. I get them routinely with colds and such.”

“I see, okay.”

“Um…” Cal says, having trouble remembering the question, or whether there ever was one. “I’m rambling, but anyway, I passed the point where I felt like—” he has to stop speaking to start coughing again, desperately into his elbow, wearing a sweater he’d normally not wear in public because there’s a rather large saffron-colored stain on the sleeve, which he’s reminded of as he huddles into it until he can stop, finally recovering with a markedly softer voice, hardly above a whisper. “Excuse me. Um… I meant to say that I feel like I got to the point where I should have been beginning to feel better and instead I started feeling worse.”

The RN notices Cal’s hand continues to return to his chest and asks, “Are you experiencing chest pain?”

“Uh, yes, when I cough. Or… inhale—Yeah, I should have mentioned that, it slipped my mind.”

“The person who came in with you, can he speak for you? I can see you’re having trouble speaking and I don’t want you to have to repeat all that for the doctor. Would you want me to invite him back here?”

“Oh, that’s really kind of you… yes, he’s my partner and I would really appreciate that,” Cal says, quietly and with some difficulty, and he might go on further but the nurse cuts him off.

“Alright, I’ll go get him. Save your breath, Mr. Chowdhury, you’ll need it.”

“Thank you so much.”

Rafie appears in the doorway a couple minutes later and Cal could swear the man is glowing as he stands there, a knight in shining armor come to save him from the task of repeating his symptoms.

“It was so nice of him to—”

“Shhh, papi chulo,” Rafael says, trailing a hand over Cal’s mouth. “The nurse said tell you to stop talking.”

* * *

Their trip to the CVS by their place must be endured immediately afterwards, and a simple chore has perhaps never felt quite as unendurable to Cal, who is so woozy as he stands there in the pharmacy line with Rafael that he’s swaying precariously on his feet, and says, “Oh shit,” just as Rafael’s arm tightens around him.

“Whoa, papi… let me pick up your medicines. I’m going to bring you back to the car and you can wait there.”

He does not have the energy or the desire to protest, just squints at Rafie with a dopey smile as he leads him back to the parking lot.

In the car Cal pulls out his phone and zones out for a couple minutes as he scrolls up and down on the Mayoclinic page for viral pneumonia.

He’s read this already, what he should do is call Deepa, that would be a smart thing to do right now, because he’s running out of energy to make arrangements, and potentially running out of voice to give explanations. It rings thrice before she picks up, during which time Cal has settled his cheek against the window, an action he doesn’t feel fully in control of, and maybe he wasn’t expecting her to answer because when she does he startles like he’s jerking awake from almost-sleep, sitting fully up, vaguely dizzy from the sudden movement.

“Hi Deepa, sorry to call you out of the blue like this, but I’m still not feeling well enough to hold class and in fact I uh, just got out of urgent care with a diagnosis of pneumonia. I’m—”

“Oh no, Dr. Chowdhury! Are you okay??”

“Yeah to be—” he begins, with an inadvisably deep inhale that jettisons him into a rough fit, pressing the phone into his shoulder as his sweater weathers another series of productive coughs, taking a wheezy inhale as he catches his breath. There’s a voice he’s used to using, in professional contexts, and he realizes now for the first time it puts more strain on his vocal chords than his non-professional speaking voice does.

“Aww you sound awful.”

“Oh I know,” he says, with an approximation of a laugh that rattles in his chest and ends in an almost cough he manages to subdue. “To be clear I should be able to bounce back from this in maybe a week or so. But I’ll be totally honest with you, Deepa; right now I don’t even feel up to composing an email. I was going to ask if you could send one out on my behalf to cancel class and just explain what’s going on. Ask students to email you instead of me if they need anything.”

“Of course, absolutely. I’ll talk to the other TAs but I think let’s plan for this week at least? And you can just let me know how you’re feeling over the weekend in case you need more time and maybe we can regroup then,” she says.

“Yes, absolutely, that’s perfect. You have no idea how much of a weight off my shoulders—” he says, before he has to cough more, returning to her afterward with a winded, “Gosh I’m sorry, I hardly have the breath necessary to properly thank you.”

“It’s okay Dr. Chowdhury, it’s really no problem at all.”

“I’ll let you know in a few days how I’m feeling and hopefully by then I’ll have a better plan of what I’m gonna do about missing as much material as this will be,” Cal says, as Rafael returns, sliding back into the driver’s seat and handing Cal a brown paper bag.

“Okay sounds good. Feel better! Take as much time as you need, we’ll figure it out.”

“Thank you so much.”

He hangs up and looks into the bag in his lap, fishes out three prescription bottles with directions he stares at. He can’t remember exactly what his doctor had said about dosages and times.

“That was your TA?”

“Myeah,” Cal says, articulate, rubbing at his eyes.

“She's gonna take care of things for you?”

“She is, yes.”

“Bien,” Rafie says, gathering Cal’s face in his hands and guiding him away from his halfhearted attempt to parse prescription information. “It’s okay I wrote it down—the way the doctor said to take everything. You took care of work. We got your medicine. All you have to do now is rest, mi amor, okay? It’s the only thing left on the checklist.”

The gently authoritative touch is comforting and the sense of mortal dread he’s carried around since yesterday is loosening and the light is streaming through the window and backlighting his boyfriend beautifully and Cal feels like he might cry.

“What’s wrong?”

Cal shakes his head, feeling his eyes well. “You’re so sweet that was the prettiest thing to say,” he manages, the combination of emotion and throat pain making his voice more of a squeak than anything else.

“Ohoho papiii,” Rafie chuckles, thumbing a single quick tear from Cal’s cheek.

“I’m sorry, wow,” Cal laughs hoarsely, and then needs to pull away to cough into his shoulder. “God I’m a whole train wreck today.”

“Maybe a little train wreck, it’s okay,” Rafie says, smoothing back Cal’s hair as he sniffles and wipes at his face with a sleeve.

“Okay, I’m okay,” he decides.

“Let’s get you home.”

* * *

Later Cal huddles beneath both a kantha quilt and the comforter from the bed, head in Rafie’s lap on the couch as he sleeps through multiple episodes of a plot-heavy Spanish crime drama he’ll now have no hope of following moving forward, in an oseltamivir and high-strength pain-reliever sponsored daze that barely brings down his fever but does at least lessen the pain in his lungs and throat and back from the endless coughing, and allows him a couple hours of the deep sleep he desperately needs.

He coughs himself awake finally, half-conscious but still aware of the comforting feeling of Rafael’s hand on his shoulder, holding him with a firmness that makes him feel both secure and very weak in comparison. By accident he issues a rare moan.

Rafie takes note, coos a low, soft, “Pobrecito…”

Cal shifts so he’s on his back, shivers when his limbs make contact with places of the blanket that aren’t already heated through with his febrile warmth. He blinks slowly, hesitantly breaching the surface of being officially awake. Mumbles that he doesn’t remember falling asleep, realizes he’s said this in the only one out of three languages he could have used that Rafael doesn’t speak, but he doesn’t have the energy to even think about translating it, so when Rafie responds, “Hmm?” he just shakes his head.

Rafie brushes sleep-tousled hair out of the way to lay a large palm across Cal’s forehead and whistles as if impressed by his findings. “You must have been feeling even worse than I realized, mi amor.”

“Mm?” He blinks, trying to latch on properly to what’s being said rather than letting it wash over him like the sounds from the television.

“Pneumonia, papi. In both of your lungs.”

“Yeah it’s kinda crazy,” he agrees. “Never had double pneumonia before. Never had single pneumonia before. Not one single pneumonia. Momentous occasion for me.”

“You’re a little loopy right now aren’t you?”

Cal laughs, a phlegm-ridden, chesty sound that makes him start back up with the coughing again. ‘I would love something that just knocks me out completely,’ he’d chimed in, as the doctor was writing prescriptions, and the drug cocktail obliged. It’s definitely affecting him rather strongly and he’s unsure which phenomena are from what exactly because he’s unfamiliar with the treatment and the illness alike.

Rafael says, “Ohh no, you can’t even laugh. Does it hurt? Your lungs?”

“Not unless I breathe,” he smiles.

For a while he just lies there as Rafie cradles a hot cheek with a comparatively cool palm, or lightly strokes a hand over his aching chest, both of which Cal recognizes as comfort targeted at the very source of pain. If he had the breath to do so he’d tell Rafael how nice his hands are, how much he likes their calloused toughness, how strong and steadying they feel to him right now, and he’s fond and fortunate and when combined with his fever he somehow feels lovesick for the person kind enough to be holding him even as he does so.

“You’ve been so good to me,” he rasps, feeling a need to touch Rafie’s face in return but as he currently possesses the world’s heaviest arms he’s only able to reach as high as Rafie’s chest to cling limply to his shirt like a dying man.

“Papi chulo,” Rafael says fondly, running a hand through Cal’s hair, and Cal turns his head slightly like a cat trying to provide a better angle to be pet. “You were very good to me when I was sick, it’s only fair I should be good to you.”

“Yeah but you weren’t this sick, I didn’t have to take you to urgent care. Or carry you to the car.”

“I didn’t carry you.”

“You basically did,” he struggles to say, before bringing up a crooked arm and launching into a fit of harsh, wet coughing that he tries to cut short because it actively hurts, but he gets stuck in a loop of gasping inhales that prompt still more productive spasms and it feels bottomless enough to go on forever if he isn’t careful. It has him sitting up by the end of it, petering out slowly, Rafael’s hands on his shoulder blades as he pants as shallowly as he can to catch his breath and Rafael quietly mutters a reassuring, “Bien, bien, está bien.”

He is passed a glass of water and he nods his thanks, hand shaking so badly as he holds it that he has to bring up the other hand to help.

“Hey, you should try to not talk so much, okay?” Rafie says, as Cal dizzily sinks his weight back into him, settling his head in Rafie’s lap again, cheeks feeling weird and tingly from the effort of coughing and the fact that his face is throbbing with fever.

“I know, I just want you to know it means a lot to me,” Cal says carefully, searching Rafael’s eyes, weighing the words with importance and probably helped by how slowly he has to say them.

Rafie succumbs to a gradual smile that almost looks like it pains him and says, as if in marvel, “Que linda tu actitud.”

While Cal hasn’t heard this specific phrase before, he can ascertain its general meaning as being an appreciation of his attitude, and he entertains an unfocused thought he sometimes has when he watches subtitled cinema, or provides someone an approximated translation from Hindi to English or vice versa — about how reordering a sentence never seemed to keep its sentiment intact. The way Rafie said it was all the translation needed.

He offers a half smile, and a quiet, “Gracias,” which is the last thing he says before Rafael shushes him, and as if this brief bout of wakefulness was something strenuous and energy-depleting, he falls asleep again for another blissfully uninterrupted, unknowable amount of time.

#mongoose writes sometimes #Cal #Cal/Rafie #sponsored by the new Rosalía album bc it’s been giving me Cal/Rafie feels #btw I swear I’m still working on The Final Final I know it’s been (checks watch) several months #this technically is a prelude to a longer Morales family caretakes Cal fic #but god only knows when that will become presentably finished #also hi! my hands mostly work now!! I can’t lift anything heavy but I can type hurray!!#Rafie

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maybege · 5 months

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And on that second note: Hi, May! (I know I just sent you a message but at this point it feels wrong to not start like this)

So, fun fact: I just booked myself a short introductory meeting with a therapist centre, since the last couple weeks haven’t been … fun … due to unnecessary uni stress and some other stuff. Like nothing others would have to be concerned about, just very anxiety inducing.

I know that this is probably the right thing to do cause I’ve been thinking about this on and off for a while. And I’m also generally not opposed to therapy or anything, but it’s still somehow terrifying to book that appointment???

So yeah, that’s happening on Thursday which seems way too soon but oh well 😂🙈

Anyway, how are you doing? Did you have a nice start of the week or any fun plans coming up?

CHECK IN TIME WHOOP WHOOP!

First of all: I’m so fucking proud of you for taking this step for your mental health! There is never an unnecessary reason to go to talk to someone and

I know I talked a lot about it at the beginning but I’ve actually been in the therapy for the last two years and will finish it this year (yay!) and I remember how anxious and terrified and nervous I was about my first meeting. Like, I was feeling sick I was that nervous 😂 All this to say: Feeling nervous and anxious about your first session(s) is completely normal! (Doesn’t make it easier though, I know)

But I’m pressing all my thumbs for you and I wish you the very best first session you could possibly have! And already plan something nice for afterwards as well (have your favourite food at hand or curl up with a nice movie) because that adrenaline spike will have you exhausted 🥺

I actually spent the weekend and yesterday sick in bed, which wasn’t too nice. But I’m slowly getting better and treated myself to some zartbitter Lebkuchen which are delicious 🥰 Nothing special planned yet for the week ahead but you never know!

#may answers #check ins with Sarah

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kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 2 years

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Hakuoki Character Drama CD Book Vol 3 - Kazama

This is my last post of the month, but if you can, please consider donating to the Canadian Red Cross to help those impacted by Hurricane Fiona, as the Federal Government will be matching donations for at least the next three weeks.

Also, as of now... for some reason, my package still hasn’t shipped despite how I put the order in on Monday. I’m guessing the bad weather in Japan might have impacted operations? Regardless, if it reaches me after the 29th but before October 6, it’s more likely that I’ll write about the availability of rips on the hakumyu LJ first since I do not post between the last thursday of a month and the first of the following one.

Anyway, I was honestly thinking about translating the Shimabara Disturbance drama instead of these character dramas... but I didn’t feel like looking up the video for said drama to fix the tl I have. It literally has sections where the translator put in “orz” since they weren’t entirely sure of what was being said... and i still don’t feel like not procrastinating to fill in those sections hahahaaaa... *sigh.*

enjoy! This one picks up after the end of the main Kazama route!

Hakuoki Character Drama CD Book Vol 3 - Kazama Chikage-hen “Joyful Spring Trip [literally spring positive feelings trip]“

Translation by KumoriYami

Act 1

Location: Chizuru's home (Edo)

Time: morning

Yukimura: Well, that should be about everything

【I'm leaving here today, so I got up a bit earlier than normal. After packing up all of my luggage and checking around, the house was completely empty. Today I'm leaving this home full of memories. And after this... I'll be starting a new life in a new place with the one I love——】

Yukimura; Ah, it should almost be time to call Kazama-san to leave.

SE: footsteps

SE: sound of a door opening

【After entering the room, I found that Kazama-san was also ready.】

Kazama: What is it? Is there something wrong?

Yukimura: Good morning... You've sorted out all the luggage by yourself.

【It seems that Kazama-san was already completely prepared for our trip, and ready to go at any time. Soon, I will go together with him to a village where oni live. Kazama-san glanced at me who had changed my clothes and asked me calmly.】

Kazama: There you are, it appears that you are ready.

Yukimura: Yes, [everything from the] house and luggage are all packed.

Kazama: What luggage are you bringing? In any case, am I also part of your "luggage"?

Yukimura:...I didn't mean that, I was referring to the necessary luggage to carry.

Kazama: There shouldn't be anything in particular that is needed, what have you prepared?

Yukimura: Ah, medicine for abdominal pain, medicine for injuries, also medicine to reduce fever and relieve fever... because you see, you can't be sure that you won't get sick/feel unwell during this trip, right?

Kazama; Hmph, an oni's body might collapse, you truly have said something amusing. Well, hopefully it will be useful.

Yukimura: Yes, is it almost time to go?

Kazama:....Are you ready to go?

Yukimura: Yes, it's fine.... Let's go, Kazama-san.

【I nodded in response to Kazama-san's question. He gazed at my face for a moment, and asked for verification.】

Kazama: Truly... is it okay?

Leaving here, to travel where the oni clan live [the tl is basically oni inhabited lands here]... you will no longer be able to return to Edo again. Abandoning this land that you've been accustomed to and the people you are close to follow me to be at my side from now on, have you come to this resolution?

Yukimura: As I told you before, I've already made up my mind to live together with you.

【I looked straight into Kazama-san's eyes to convey my determination. Kazama-san quickly smiled.】

Kazama: That's fine then... let's go.

Yukimura: Yes!

SE: footsteps

【I left Edo with Kazama-san and a small amount of luggage. From this point on, I've abandoned the home and city I was brought up in now to go to a new land, and my mind/heart was full of expectations.】

--------

Act 2

Location: Outskirts of Edo

Time: Noon

【There was a long way to go between Edo and where the oni live in the west. However, However, Kazama-san said that there is no need to hurry, so our journey was very relaxed.】

SE: Footsteps

Yukimura: Ah... sakura.

Kazama: Oh, the sakura in Edo started blooming five minutes ago, and will be in full bloom in five days.

Yukimura: Yes.

【I suddenly recalled something. I didn't know if there were sakura where the oni clan we're going to is.】

Yukimura: Kazama-san, sakura where the oni are...

【Perhaps it was because he was able to discern my question, he interrupted me.】

Kazama: The sakura in my hometown/village bloom ten days earlier than the ones in Edo, so by the time we arrive, only leaves will remain.

【I was just going to ask if there were any sakura where [his] oni clan was, but Kazama-san immediately provided details about the sakura in his village.】

Yukimura: There are.... that's wonderful.

Kazama:....What do you want to see in the sakura?

Yukimura: Eh...?

Kazama: Those who stand by their convictions, advance with courage, and then finally quickly scatter.. Don't you miss the people from the Shinsengumi?

Yukimura: Yes... Chizuru Yukimura: Yes... Every time I see these flowers, I think of everyone. They fought against the flow of the era, and withered like sakura.

Kazama: Leaving Edo at this time was the correct choice.

【Kazama-san previously said that he would leave Edo with me when the sakura were in full bloom. That's what I heard him say about the day I decided to leave with him. However, I didn't ask him why the sakura were in full bloom.... It must have been because he was thinking the same way I was..】

Kazama: Like you, I also think of them from time to time... They were undoubtedly the most foolish of them all. However, they adhered to their own beliefs. I have always though that humans were just boring weaklings who lived for their own selfish desires. But because of them, my view on humans has changed somewhat. However... the true samurai have already died out/disappeared, . and now those who only want to satisfy their own selfish desires are active in the centre of this country.

Kazama: I decided that our last look at the human world would be these sakura, so that those the last sight we would see in the human world would be these cherry blossom trees, so that those guys from Shinsengumi who have been protecting you can witness our journey.

【Hearing Kazama-san's words, I lifted up my head to the blooming sakura. Astonishingly, I could see everyone's faces before my eyes.】

Yukimura: I won't forget everyone, I won't forget what they did on the path of their convictions.

Kzama: Won't forget, is it..... I've heard you say that before.

Yukimura: Yes.

Kazama: Then, I have something to say. In the future, you must come with me whenever you want to see sakura.

Yukimura: Why?

Kazama: Haven't I said this before, I get extremely jealous [lol, yuugiroku 2]

【With that, Kazama-san smiled as he turned around and walked forward. I once again looked up towards the sakura.】

Yukimura: Everyone, I'm going.

【I softly whispered as I moved to catch up with him. 】

--------

Act 3

Location: hotel

Time: Night

【After leaving Edo, we stayed at a hotel in Kanagawa for dinner that night, to relieve our fatigue from the long distance we had walked.】

SE: the sound of wine being poured from a wine jug into a cup

Yukimura: This is the last cup.

Kazama: What are you saying, didn't I only drink one bottle?

Yukimura: Kazama-san, what are you saying? We're setting off at dawn tomorrow, and it'll be a problem if we can't get up

Kazama: Don't worry, I know how much I can drink.

Yukimura: That being said.... it would be better to control it before reaching oni clan. You've drank so much on this first night.... Right, how much do you think our journey's travel expenses will be?

Kazama: Don't worry about the money.... Or are you saying that you're worried about my health?

Yukimura: Well...

Kazama: hmph, since this is my lovely wife's request, it's impossible to refuse... Since you insist on this, then I'll stop drinking.

【Kazama-san spoke with a wry smile, but he seemed to be in a good mood.】

Yukimura: If I can't do that extent, then I can't be Kazama-san's wife [not sure for the first part].

Kazama: Hm, you're good at talking. Very well, later I'll leave the amount I drink to you.

Yukimura: Thank you for your trust. Speaking of which [your] oni clan is inside the Satsuma domain.

Kazama: Ahh... it's true that it was in the mountains of the Satsuma before.

Yukimura: Before... it's not there now?

Kazama: We didn't want to have anything to do with humans for a long time, let alone be used by the people from the Satsuma Domain. So I decided to leave the Satsuma and build a new home.

Yukimura: So it's like that... but it's very difficult to establish a new home.

Kazama: Yes, after all, the village is being built from scratch. Each field for every family needs to be planted by hand, and the male oni need to work hard every day

Yukimura:....Um, is it okay for Kazama-san to be here? You're the leader, so you be directing everyone...

Kazama: Don't worry, Amagiri is in charge of directing right now

Yukimura: Amagiri-san... But, it's still best to hurry back, at least to help——

Kazama: I also wanted to go back early, but Amagiri often asked me to return later... which I don't understand, it's likely that he wants to do something while I'm not there.

【Although I can't be certain, I think I can understand Amagiri-san's thoughts to some extent. The phrase "while the demon is away" describes the situation.】

Yukimura: Th-That's to say, I think he just wants Kazama-san to what it looks like when it's complete, that's why he wants you to take your time before it gets finished...

Kazama: My hometown will be your future home, so I really want you to see it sooner.

SE: hugging sound

【Before I could say anything, Kazama-san held me somewhat firmly/forcefully.】

Yukimura: I, I know. But you can at least get a good night's rest during our trip, right?

【As a result, Kazama-san's expression changed...】

Kazama: You're not in a hurry? Then it's possible to have two more drinks.

【Hearing that, I quickly broke free of his arms.】

Yukimura: These are two different things! Resting and drinking wine aren't the same things...

【I could feel the my face heating up and couldn't say anything as my froze.】

Kazama: Well, if you want to do something else, come here.

Yukimura: Pl-Please stop teasing me!

Kazama: Hm, you're blushing because of me, so you can look as much as you want [I think?]

Yukimura: Rather than that, I want to know more about the oni clan's circumstances before we arrive, so please tell me about it.

Kazama: Oh? Why do you want to know about that?

Yukimura: Because in the future.... that's where I'll be living, and as your.... um, wife... I need to know...

Kazama: Hm, as the leader's wife, okay/ that's good.

【And so, Kazama-san told me about the village, be that as it may, because the village was now being rebuilt, I heard mostly heard stories about the Kazama family and the oni who lived together [with them?]. As this continued, the night became darker and darker.】

-------- Act 4

Location: Hotel

Time: Night

【Hearing Kazama-san speak about the affairs of the oni village, before I realized it, it was already late at night, and the lively town [where the] Shukuba was, was quiet. [Shukuba were post stations during the Edo period in Japan, generally located on one of the Edo Five Routes or one of its sub-routes. They were also called shuku-eki. These post stations were places where travelers could rest on their journey around the nation. Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shukuba]】

SE: The sound of an almost empty wine jug being shaken

【The wine that had been almost finished, was finally drank by Kazama-san.】

Kazama: Anyhow, the wine has been drunk. It's almost time to rest for today.

Yukimura: Ah, yes, I have to get up early tomorrow.

Kazama: it actually won't be a large issue if you wake up late

Yukimura: Really, what are you saying. Travelling demands getting up early to hurry up, and also we can't cause problems fro the hotel.

Kazama: Che, what a truly serious woman.

Yukimura: The bedding has already been made in the next room.

SE: The sound of a shoji door being opened

【Two futons had been laid out in the next room. Furthermore, there was enough distance between the bedding, [with enough space] for another person to lie down.】

Kazama:....Hey.

Yukimura: Hm, what is it?

Kazama: Why are the two futons separated?

Yukimura: This is as it should be, right?.... Um/Well, we aren't formally a married couple after all.

【I specifically requested the maid to prepare two futons, and Kazama-san, who should have realized it, frowned unhappily.】

Kazama:...Things have reached this stage, and you're still saying that. Although still haven't had the formal wedding ceremony, we already have a husband and wife relationship.

Yukimura; What Kazama-san says isn't wrong because we've yet to hold a wedding ceremony.... Alright, I have to get up early tomorrow, so I first need to sleep properly.

【Kazama-san still looked dissatisfied, [but] I pushed his back to get him into the next room, and quickly moved get under the blanket.】

SE: The sound of [someone] diving into blankets

Yukimura;....Oh.

【Because of fatigue from our journey, as my body went under the covers, I thought I would immediately fall asleep. But that unexpectedly didn't happen.】

Yukimura:....Kazama-san?

Kazama:...What?

【In the darkness, Kazama-san answered me.】

Yukimura: You're still haven't fallen asleep?

Kazama: My wife isn't asleep yet, how could I sleep first.

【Kazama-san will apparently stay awake until I fall asleep. That time too.... the was also the first time I spent the night with this man.】

Yukimura:...Don't worry about me, you go sleep first.

Kazama: What if something unexpected happens? Do you want me to regret [something]?

Yukimura:...If I go next to you, will Kazama-san be able to go to sleep?

【Although I'm not sure quite what I'm talking about myself... but this absolutely isn't flirting, but a way to make it easier for Kazama-san to get to sleep.】

Kazama:...Do you understand what you're saying?

Yukimura: Of, of course. I only said that so that Kazama-san could peacefully sleep!

【I slowly climbed out of my futon, and slipped into Kazama-san's futon.】

Yukimura: Okay, I'm getting in.

SE: The sound of a blanket moving

【I lifted Kazama-san's blanket to the side, and he moved his arms to embrace me.】

SE: hugging sound

【As soon as I got into his futon, Kazama-san pulled me close/tightly held me.】

Yukimura: Ah!

Kazama: It's called the cold weather in the flowering season [??? literal tl, but im not really sure what this means though apparently this refers to sudden cold weather]... it's so cold tonight, so holding [you] is simply to stay warm.

Yukimura: Yes... Yes....

Kazama: I won't do anything else, so... just stay here.

【Listening to him pleading, I couldn't stand it. The calming sound of his breathing slowly relieved my nervousness. I was a little scared and tense while falling asleep together with this man like this for the first time [reword?]. However, his body's warmth and breathing made me feel strangely reassured me...】

Kazama: Sleep well... [literally "good rest"]

Yukimura: Okay.... Good night, Kazama-san.

Kazama; Nn... good night...

【I sensed this warmth, and quickly fell asleep.】

Starring: Kazama Chikage... Tsuda Kenjiro

#hakuoki #hakuouki #Kazama Chikage #Yukimura Chizuru #hakuoki drama cd #hakuoki drama #hakuoki drama translation

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dib-rose-190 · 1 year

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Sorry I haven’t been posting my own IZ ships cuties lately because last Thursday night I got the flu from my family members who were sick with the flu so I was hoping that I would never gonna get it but I did so I’ve been sick since Easter vacation but now today I’m feeling alot better now alot of good that does Easter is over now anyways sorry I haven’t been posting my Dibisa art stuff lately cuz I was sick last Easter vacation anyways it’s ok I’m barely getting my drawing strength back again it’s gonna take some time for me to get back my drawing strength again soon k

#invader zim ocs #invaderzim #dib membrane

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convexly · 1 year

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04/28/23

It’s Friday my day off.

My little sister leaves to Montana for 6 months. She’s going out for adventure and I am wishing her the best. I can’t wait for her to be back. :(

My little brother has a court date next Thursday, praying that he will be okay and that nothing drastic will happened. He is the only one that is living with Mom now since my little sister is leaving.

My other little sister is sick so I hope she feels better. I dropped off soup and medicine a few days ago for her. She is feeling a little better than day one. So that's good.

Sam has been doing good, there has been changes in his workplace but nothing crazy that he can’t handle. He has been saving a lot of money so I’m proud of him.

I have been good, we recently had a going away party for my sister and apparently our Moms mother was there. Seeing her brought back some issues because the last time I saw her was when I was 16? She was very judgmental and condescending. Anyways I’ve also been working its been great. I did get hurt on the job sprained my wrist from a combative resident but I’ll be okay. My carpel tunnel has worsen but I wanna hold off surgery until end of summer. Its 3 to 4 months to recover and up to 1 year before hand strength returns. I don’t wanna waste my summer. I look forward to spend as much time as I can with Cocoa.

#mythoughts

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lovefrometernity · 2 years

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Eternity, a Vent, and an Update on Reality

So. I got Covid, as of Sunday (but more precisely, I probably got it last Thursday thanks in part to someone at my LGS… gotta love that.) and while I still feel like hell I finally have enough brainpower that isn’t screaming at me because existence is OW to continue my weird infrequent writings and just get a bunch of shit off my chest.

Buckle up, this is gonna be a long ass post.

Normally, when I need to vent in any formal capacity, I go to my backyard. It’s quiet, gives me access to both fresh air and sunlight, and makes me look less like a crazy person compared to going up to my roof (which is technically illegal anyways). But because of the whole “I caught the bug” thing I’m trapped in my room. And therefore trapped with the mental insanity I’m normally capable of releasing out to the universe.

This manifests in a myriad of ways, all of which concern me for various reasons.

Manifestation Number One: I have a playlist of my more… shall I say ‘emotional’ songs. Normally, this playlist only gets used during moments of intense strife. The songs on the playlist, for those who know the lyrics to each song, aren’t for the faint of heart. They’re designed to help rationalize whatever fucked up mental space you’ve found yourself in when you arrived.

In case you couldn’t tell where this is going already. That playlist has been on repeat for three days now. (In case people actually want a summary… I’ll probably type out a separate post for that.)

Manifestation Number Two: I have a bad habit of burying myself in work whenever I’m overly stressed in a desperate and vain attempt to distract myself from whatever it is that’s causing the stress. As far as that’s presented itself since I got the Sickness it’s… been surprisingly difficult to find work that distracts for very long. Granted, there are cool projects I’ve gotten to tinker with as a result of this but procrastination is still procrastination regardless of the form said procrastination takes.

Note to future self. Do one of these written posts about how ridiculously weird the rabbit hole of mashup albums go. Wait where the hell was I again?

Oh right. Going total stream of consciousness because words literally don’t make sense otherwise. Which means I was gonna talk about-

Manifestation Number Three: I don’t remember having hallucinations to such a high frequency as I’ve had in the last three days. For those who are reading this and learning this for the first time, I’ve had mild auditory and visual hallucinations stretching back to my middle school days (thank you blended smoothie of mental health fuckery) but only in the last couple of days has it risen up to the 'please what the hell is wrong with me why am I like this' level. I don't see my therapist for another few days but hopefully she can help talk a mild amount of sanity into me to get me through the second half of this extended accidental vacation from reality.

I mean. If there’s any amount of positive from this. I have been asking for a break from the universe for some time now. Granted, this is absolutely not what I meant but the cosmos works in mysterious ways sometimes and hopefully my next broadcast from the stars brings some more positive news.

See y’all around.

PS. To my friends in the Coterie who got sent this post in the middle of the night, worry not. No matter how battered or bruised I am on Sunday I’m gonna be there to kick me some Varidel ass. I’m gonna go sleep for 36 hours.

#eternity does a writing #look #sometimes #i just have to start typing #and get whatever out of my being #tonight you get this #and hey #while i'm sick for a little while #i'll probably write a little more often #and maybe give my desktop blog a proper theming #anyways

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pinkyringprvnce · 2 years

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Grey’s Anatomy: ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go?” Review

On Thursday night, Dr. Addison Montgomery returned to Grey’s Anatomy. In fact, I haven’t written a full review on this show since Grey’s Anatomy 18×04, AKA the last time Addison was on the show. Regardless, I’ve still been watching the show. In this episode, Addison gets Richard and Meredith’s help with her transplant patient. Meanwhile, Winston’s brother, Wendell, gets the cardio department to use these devices he’s selling. And Owen and Teddy struggle to deal with the fact that Leo currently prefers a more feminine gender identity. All of this also ends up happening while Grey Sloan’s surgical program is under probation and everyone’s emotions are running high because of it.

Wendell Ndugu’s Heart Patch Device

We only just met Winston’s brother, Wendell, two episodes ago. But it’s clear that the brothers don’t have the best relationship. Winston gives his brother another chance after essentially blaming him for something that wasn’t even his fault. For reference, I believe Winston says he pulled away because their mother focused too much of her time and money on Wendell and their dad when she was sick. And Winston blames their mom’s death on that because instead of taking care of herself, she took care of Wendell and her husband. Why Winston blames his brother for that is strange to me.

In this episode, Wendell’s back and he’s trying to sell some kind of heart device. Unfortunately, Winston and Maggie quickly discover it doesn’t work. When Winston confronts Wendell, he reveals he put all his money into this product. And he’s not actually a medical sales representative. I get Winston’s frustration and disappointment here, but I still don’t know why Winston blamed him for their mother’s death. Maybe he needed the attention but it was ultimately their mother’s choice to give it to him. And despite their strained relationship, I do hope Winston helps him out anyway. They are still family, after all.

Owen, Teddy, and Leo

Early on in this episode, Teddy corrects Leo when he calls himself a cowgirl. She tells him it’s just a cowgirl costume and that he’s a boy. Owen’s distracted with a trauma case for a while as it’s also his first day back after his injury. So we don’t get a full resolution till much later. Teddy suggests they go to therapy together and Owen initially disagrees and brushes her off but eventually agrees. At this point, Leo’s so young and impressionable that I don’t think it’s that big of a deal yet. But I do agree that they should talk to someone and be proactive. Not to try to change Leo but in the face of others’ judgment.

However, here’s what I’ll say about this whole plotline. When Owen finally lays out his thoughts, it’s not what I expected. If anything, I thought Teddy would be the one who’d be more open towards Leo’s gender preferences. Plus, I don’t know if anyone else got this impression but it seemed like Owen implied Teddy didn’t love Leo or how his gender identity was changing. And maybe it’s because Teddy corrected Leo earlier but to be fair, she did apologize for it. I don’t think she did it to penalize Leo for it, I think she just didn’t know what to do. And I don’t blame her for that because who would know what to do. There are a million different ways this could go so it’ll be interesting to see where the writers take it.

Addison’s Uterine Transplant

As I mentioned, Addison’s back with Tovah, her transplant patient, who also happens to be 11 weeks pregnant. She’s having some abdominal pain so she gets Meredith and Richard to help. But they’re fighting because Meredith’s leaving to go work for David Hamilton. Addison, however, could care less and puts them in their place so they can all focus on her patient. Unfortunately, Tovah ends up losing the pregnancy but all three surgeons, as well as Schmitt, save her uterus. So, Addison can try again but this batch was the last of her late husband’s sperm. Overall, Addison in this entire episode made me feel conflicted.

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