#anyway ella is great and I'm very excited to follow her career | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anything-advice-blog · 7 years

Text

Submission

Time-sensitive(?)

So, I’m a senior in high school, but I’m taking classes full time at a community college. My dad didn’t want me to take classes there full time since it wasn’t “academically rigorous” enough for him, but he eventually went through with it. One of his “conditions” was that I had to take a computer science class this semester. At first I was very excited, but after classes started I realized how much I didn’t like it. (Let me add that I’d like to be a history major and I'm taking the CS class designed for CS majors. My dad has been working in programming his entire career. He thinks that non-STEM majors will get you nowhere in life unless you go to grad school or medical school.) As this semester is drawing to a close, I tell him that I don’t wanna take CS II. He says that I have to and that I’m going to have to double major in CS if I major in history. (My sister majored in East Asian Studies and planned to go to med school, but did not. Did my dad force her go anyway? No.) If I don’t then he says he won’t pay my tuition. There was only one CS class that fit into my schedule for next semester and since it’s with a very popular teacher at night, it filled up before my paperwork to register was processed. There was another CS class that conflicted with two of my other classes. When I told my dad, he tells me to drop the other two classes. I didn’t. So now, all the CS classes are full and he’s telling me that if I don’t find a way into one of them, I’m going to be “severely punished”. (I highly doubt the punishment would be physical.) I went to the college administrators and they told me what I already know–they can’t get you into a class if it’s at capacity. I’m just at my wit’s end. I don’t know how many times I’ve told him how much I hate CS and how I’d like to take classes that I enjoy during my last semester of high school. I’ve told him over and over that I’d take a CS class when I actually go to college. Whenever I tell my friends about what’s going on they just say things like, “Are you gonna let him control your life?”, etc. I don’t think they get it? What am I supposed to do if he won’t pay for me to go to college? I don’t have any kind of college savings. I don’t have a job. I’m only 17 years old. I don’t wanna spend four years taking classes I hate. My mom hasn’t said anything about what’s going on, since she decided to “stay out of it”. I’m just tired of trying to plead my case. I’d take all my classes at my high school next semester if I could. I just want him to leave me alone. I just want my dad to support my decisions and let me live my life. I’m not asking for anything crazy. I just don’t wanna take a class next semester. I’ve never looked for easy As. I’ve been trying so hard to make my classes as academically challenging as I can so I can get into good schools. What should I do? No amount of talking gets through to him. What should I do?

– Class of 2017

_________________________________________________

Hey there love,

Before I give you any advice, I will say this. Parents care an awful lot, and especially when it comes to when they want their kids to succeed and have a good life. Many parents want their children to live a fulfilling and enriching lifestyle, wanting them only to live with good money, and a safe home, while being happy. That said, they can also be controlling because they’re scared that their baby girl or boy will suffer if they pursue something they love but something that doesn’t have an immediate stable foreseeable future and having only to work can be frightening.

First of all, I think it’s great that you’re pursuing something you love. It’s incredibly brave of you, and a great choice. Now you won’t have to worry about doing something you regret and hate for the rest of your life. Never give in to your parents’ wishes of wanting you to be a comp.sci major if it’s the last thing you want to do. However, I think your father wants you to follow in his footsteps for personal reasons such as fearing that history isn’t a good stable career, or maybe it’s because programming is all he’s ever known and knows that since he himself was a comp.sci major, he could help you in some way, and give you a safe future. You need to convince him that you’re growing up, and that whatever you do, you’ll be able to handle on your own. By sitting him down and tell him straight up that you understand that Comp.sci is what he wishes you pursue, it’s simply something that you can never see yourself doing, and be happy whilst at it. Then ask him if he wanted you to be unhappy. His answer would clearly be no. Despite him thinking it’s for your own good, this is your path, and your life. He clearly wants you to have a successful life, but if you’re not happy, it’s in vain. Make him see reason, by saying that history is something you have a passion for, and even though it may not be a “safe” STEM route, it’s something you chose, and won’t regret. By forcing you into comp.sci not only will it be bad for you psychologically, you won’t get much out of it either. Anyone knows that if you hate what you’re doing, you obviously won’t try as hard, and your results will show just that.

Since you can’t get a CS class this semester, take other classes to explore your other options. In the meantime, I think your father despite grudgingly you not taking his choices, he will still pay for your tuition. Why? You’re his daughter. He won’t cut you off just because you want to do something you like. There may also be a cultural aspect to it as well. My father was forced into being an engineer, despite wanting to go into business, and later on, as I grew up, I was expected to be an engineer as well like my other siblings. Now thinking about it, I had a similar situation like you. I was expected to be in a STEM major as well, and after thoroughly talking it out with my father, he let me do things on my own. Like it will be for you, it wasn’t easy. My own father was very angry especially because I didn’t follow something that had a generic safe path. My older sister was a doctor, and older brother had 3 degrees in engineering, accounting and law. As his 3rd kid, I wanted to pursue psychology and he thought that virtually had no job openings. He eventually realized that he couldn’t bend me to his will, and realized how old I was getting. I was no longer his little girl, and he realized it was pointless in directing me, because now I was able to see right and wrong. Still, he had a grudge for a long time, but it passed. It could be the same for you. No parent that cares strongly for their child’s education can hate them. He just worries too.

Try to get your mom on your side. Talk with her about your thoughts often, and when you get through to her, before long, she’ll start defending you and looking at it through your point of view. Remember, if the husband is the head, the wife is the neck. She’s the one behind the true decisions that is silently persuading the husband. Try to make her feel included in your choices, and try to get closer to her. She’ll be more inclined to listen to how you truly feel. Same goes for your sister.

However, if he still threatens to cut off your funds, start looking for scholarships. Even though it’s a hassle, and has incredibly annoying prerequisites, it’s too decrease the competition. Apply to all and any scholarship. Even if you don’t fit the requirements, do it just in case. Many scholarships end up going to waste, because no one applies for them. There are thousands of dollars that go down the drain because no one takes them, mainly because people think there’s too much people competing and give up. Heck, for jokes I applied to a scholarship for engineers, and ending up getting 500$ cause no one claimed it. Look for scholarships and bursaries. If you are coming of age, you can also look at student loans from your university/college as well as fundraising from your high school. Lastly, get a part time job. Find anything because it’ll help pay for expenses of any sort. I would recommend fast-food chains (bubble-tea stores aren’t fast food but they’re always hiring and its boba tea, what’s not to like amirite), or bookstores. They don’t require too many hours, and are usually flexible, giving you time for your schoolwork and breaks.

Maybe to try to get through to him, if you’re able, make him a deal. Deals are usually good ways to prevent conflict and can help satisfy both parties for a short or long time depending on the deal. If you can handle it, tell him that you are willing to take one or two comp. sci courses and will try to enjoy it, but in exchange, you want to be able to make your own career and post-secondary choices. Or anything you want to barter on. Make sure it’s advantageous to your side! He won’t really realize until last minute, and he won’t be able to do anything about it either.

Even though I hate to say this, don’t live for your dad. Or your mom, or anyone. It’s your life, and whatever you choose, at the end of the day, it’s you that’s stuck with the consequences or rewards. Your dad may force you, may threaten you, or even cut you off, but ultimately if you choose to go with his wishes, it’s you that faces the repercussions of it. Do anything and everything you can to defend your freedom as a growing adult. He needs to see that you have your own opinion and mindset for yourself. My dad used to always say this to me: “Whatever you do, do it for yourself, because ultimately, when everything else and everyone is gone, all you really have are your choices, and memories and what you did with them.” Learn that there will always be something or someone against your or in your way. Know that this is life, and pick your battles and try to just breathe and enjoy the rest of your high school life! You deserve it. Realize by the time you hit Uni, you’re in for the biggest rollercoaster of your life.

Really hopes this helps,

~Ella ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

#ella #school #senior #high school #college #university #class of 2017 #STEM #history #studies #AAB #submssion #27.04.2017 #father #family discord #technology #computer science #compsci

2 notes · View notes