#anyway fuck amatonormativity and allonormativity and heteronormativity

[shmaroace]

i don't think the first response to anything along the lines of "i don't want sex/romance/marriage/kids/etc." should be "you'll change your mind someday"

it sets up an idea that in the end, everyone wants those things, which is not true. also it just completely disregards the person's statement by saying that yes, someday they will want those things.

there are a lot of people (not necessarily aspec) that don't want marriage or kids or sex or romance. there should be acknowledgement of those who don't want that.

#tw: sex mention #society is just so fucked up about it #like everything HAS to center around marriage and sex and children #most of my non-aspec friends don't want kids either #children? in this world? it doesn't make sense anyway #i guess more of my friends are looking for relationships and i'm not #but most don't want to get married #i just think society puts really high worth on those things #and older generations buy into that #they want to force younger generations into that mindset #and younger generations just don't want that #anyway fuck amatonormativity and allonormativity and heteronormativity #i apologize for the tag rant lmao #fuck amatonormativity #amatonormativity #ace #asexual #acespec #aro #aromantic #arospec #aroace #aspec #marriage #children

[neutroiis]

hot take: asexuality and aromanticism and their respective spectrums are inherently queer because our heteronormative society is both allonormative and amatonormative and, therein, expects all people to experience sexual and romantic attraction exclusively to someone of the ‘opposite’ gender by default. asexuality and aromanticism undoubtedly queer those rigid standards

firstly anon i actually really appreciate this explanation, its the most thorough one ive seen on the topic (and u even fit it into an anon lol!) 

still, though, im not sure im 100% sold. dont get me wrong, any ace or aro person who calls themselves queer is free to do so imo, this isnt being posted to my 2017 Ace Discourse Hell Blog where i snicker abt ace ppl twenty-four hours a day (why the fuck was that a thing..... anyway.) 

i think the roadblock for me is that the word ‘allonormative’ implies that theres an expectation to have any kind of relationship over being single and where i grew up, that wasnt the case. i knew ppl who were relieved when i came out as ace bc it meant (to them) that i wasnt gay. i would probably agree that, thru a heteronormative framework, asexual and aro people are still harmed. but i think i have a hard time accepting the idea that, from a structural perspective, gay people are rewarded for their romantic relationships solely because they’re IN relationships at all. 

i know u do mention that itd be someone of the opposite gender, but thats. not how ppl tend to use ‘amatonormative’. ive seen ppl use it to imply that gay ppl oppress ace/aro ppl solely by being in relationships ... i dont think that structural relationship exists

that being said im prob ace-spectrum myself and im sympathetic to asexual and aro people. sometimes this site can be extremely petty and cruel. making fun of ace and aro people solely for their identities seems mean-spirited to me. 

#Anonymous #lgbt discourse hour