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#anyway he's been really criticized lately
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From “The Literary First-Aid Box” by Marina Boroditskaya
Cordelia, you fool! Would it have been
that hard to yield to the old man?
To say to him, ‘I too, O darling Daddy,
love you more than life.’ Piece of cake!
But you wanted him to work it out on his own —
who was the best of his daughters. Proud fool!
And now he’s dead, you too, everyone’s dead. 
And Gloucester! Oh the bloody horror —
his eye-sockets — the scene of the blinding —
fingers leafing quickly through the pages
as if through plates of red-hot iron...
Here, read it now. I’ll turn away. You weren’t there
in that Act, were you? Go on, read it,
look what you’ve done, you stupid little fool!
Alright, alright, don’t cry, but next time
make sure to be more stubborn, and resist the author:
Viola, Rosalind, Catherine,
they managed — why wouldn’t you? 
Like a puppy, pull him by the leg of his pants
with your teeth into a comedy! The laws 
of that genre will lead us out into light... Here
wipe your nose and give me back the hanky.
I still have to wash and iron and return it
to a certain careless blonde Venetian
in the next volume. I’m sorry I told you off. 
Best regards to your father. Remember: like a puppy!
#thinking about where 'insensitivity' falls on the spectrum of human failings and was reminded of this poem#I wrote a paper for the Shakespeare class i took arguing that insensitivity is the crux of the tragedy in Lear#and then like a year later i stumbled upon this poem in a Russian poetry anthology#Marina Boroditskaya was a translator and critic before she was a poet and I really think it shows#anyway insensitivity:#which i would here define as 'failing to love others the way they need to be loved'#not failing to love them at all#or even loving them wrong#but not understanding what they need from you well enough to love them effectively#i wouldn't call it a sin#but it is certainly a function of the human condition#Cordelia loved her dad so so much#but she didn't understand him enough to know that he was an old man who just needed to hear his daughters tell him that they loved him#so she hurt him#she could have been honest and still been kind#but Cordelia didn't understand that the situation called for kindness#and so tragedy ensues#on my birthday my roommate turned down sharing a leftover cupcake with me because it isn't healthy to eat sweets late at night#and I'm pretty sure it was a cultural thing. didn't mean it didn't kinda sting#she didn't understand#and i'm insensitive towards others plenty#because I just don't understand what they need from me#i hurt the people i love most by not realizing that what they need is a listener not a fixer#or by not anticipating that a certain piece of news will upset them#idk i'm probably overexplaining obvious stuff here#but i find insensitivity sad more than anything#nine times out of ten there's no malice in it#most times it's an abundance of love#that just doesn't understand#literature makes us more human
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13eyond13 · 1 year
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#been thinking about genetics and nature vs nurture and all this sort of stuff a lot lately#and just contemplating why people are the way they are and how much is sort of hardwired vs learned etc.#anyway I'm definitely wayyyy more like my dad than my mom and i think i have actually learned to become sort of the ideal companion#for people like my mom#because my mom is the harder to please and stronger personality in the household who is way more obviously emotional and sensitive#and i empathized with her automatically in a sort of female solidarity way as the household is all boys otherwise#but anyway i know im just naturally like my dad in disposition and humour and looks and everything else but i also know i probably studied#how he handles my mom and her outbursts and insecurities and learned to react to it similarly to him as well#she's a very odd mix of one of the most empathetic kindest people you'll ever meet and also incredibly critical and sensitive to criticism#and she barely ever will tell you you did a good job at anything and will point out mostly only the bad stuff or flaws in whatever you do#yet also HATES that her own mom is exactly the same way and was traumatized by that growing up herself#i honestly 100% believe her mom (my grandma) is undiagnosed autistic and simply doesnt even realize how she comes off but it really#affected my mom growing up and now she is constantly on alert for anything that could possibly be a critique of her and will throw you#under the bus instead if you ever say something even remotely close to negative about her or arent extremely thoughtful about showing up#to the multiple events she hosts every single week#anyway the way my dad usually reacts is just being extremely quiet and steady and dry humoured in reaction to this and when she starts#critiquing him and bringing up all his past failures as a way of making herself feel better about her own bad self esteem he kind of just#takes it and doesnt take it personally because he knows shes doing it for low self esteem reasons#even though its not really fair to him and she would absolutely hate anybody doing the same to her#when i think of my dad's gentle quietness and humour and how much he hates being aggressive or critical i think of when we played a#board game called qwelf once and in the game he was made to act like a drill sergeant and scold and yell at all of us as we moved#our pieces around the board and the best he could do was to mutter stuff like 'get your buns in gear there soldier!'#it makes me lol to remember it my god he simply can't it's the most unnatural thing for him in the world#anyway i always wonder how much of my similarities to him are just genes and how much are learning from him#by watching and admiring and mimicking#because having nieces shows me that kids are absolutely little sponges who try to do everything they see you doing without even knowing#if it's a good thing to be mimicking or not and that can be a bit of a terrifying responsibility as the adult#i am glad i learned good coping mechanisms from dad and how to handle unfair criticism and lack of praise in stride as well but#something i had to teach myself as an adult was how to have healthy boundaries and be assertive when i feel like im being treated poorly#because my parents are both huge people pleasers who struggle with it themselves
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what do you mean by "advocate for safe treatment of gender dysphoria"?
thank u for asking! I get to go on one of my epic tangents now. I have been waiting for this moment
I mean I advocate for the development of therapy specifically designed to help people with gender dysphoria. gender dysphoria is a mental illness as it causes someone chronic mental distress and is observed in only a small percentage of the population meaning it is not 'normal'. Gender dysphoria can stem from a lot of things such as sexual violence, feelings of alienation, or you can just be born with it which is linked to high levels of testosterone in the womb IIRC.
all mental illness symptoms can be managed with therapy - the right type of therapy for you, the right therapist for you. some people need medication as an additional aid. there is not a gender dysphoria specific therapeutic approach I am aware of right now, because why help when you can make money off of someone's mental illness? gender dysphoria is a very lucrative illness for plastic surgeons and private clinics to exploit.
I want people to be challenged and support them with finding the root cause of their dysphoria before they decide to go for cross sex hormones. I do not think puberty blockers are safe. no other mental illness is treated by surgery. I want the development of safe medications and therapies that give people options besides "surgery or suicide!!!". Fucking with the endocrine system is so dangerous if there is nothing wrong with it and there should be more research into treatment that doesnt affect the endocrine or nervous system.
so the reason I care so much about safe treatment for gender dysphoria and the development of different therapies or safer medications is because of my lovely perfect amazing partner who is the best person in the world and also my bestest friend and biggest supporter who has helped me through the darkest times of my life and vice versa. my partner is the reason I've chosen to start caring about myself. more about him under the cut.
my partner is being actually assessed for DID. as in he is not self diagnosed -he has been seeing a dissociative disorder specialist for months with 20+ years of experience who has since written a letter recommending a referral to the CDS as his therapist believes he meets the criteria for DID and he has switched during therapy sessions that I've been there for. I am familiar with all his parts, it's become quite overt at least to me since his first dissociative fugue this year. he doesn't use it as role play. he has a lot of episodes of denial. he doesnt have any fictives. he has an introject of one of his abusers. he has gone into dissociative fugues and they have been terrifying to deal with. I am the only person that knows his history and the extent of his trauma and that includes himself bc he doesn't know all of his trauma.
he has transitioned and again as I have mentioned before I'm not going to disrespect his gender identity and pronouns because I love him and I want him to go on that journey alone to decide what makes him feel most comfortable and usually I don't care to cater for someone's comfort, but if anyone deserves to feel just a little more comfortable it's him all the way.
he is a radical feminist and acknowledges his female socialisation is his experience of womanhood, he came off of hormones after some major cognitive dissonance as I became a radical feminist and he realised his community is hurting him. he opened his mind to the idea of radical feminism and has acknowledged we are in a homosexual relationship. he prefers the term afab so i use that around him again just bc its such a little accommodation that makes him feel safe and respected around me, but he acknowledges that his sex has painted his experience of the world and misogyny is the reason he has DID. we hate men together. he recognises he has nothing in common with 'cis' men.
his experiences of sexual violence will undoubtedly have contributed to gender dysphoria and as he processes this in therapy, he might find his dysphoria is gone or maybe it's still there or maybe it's worse than ever. but he is dissociated from his body, DID is complex as fuck and certainly a feminist issue. for example he has a fully mute part that simply envisions himself as a floating head - makes sense right? mind body disconnect. this part sometimes goes into partial paralysis where he literally cannot move his feet or hands and he flops or gets stuck because he is so dissociated from his body.
he also has parts that don't feel particularly dysphoric by being called she/her. but his dysphoria is consistent across different identities, except his littles. one little is a very young boy ive only met once. my partner has no idea about anything to do with this little but since DID is the result of a childs imagination + severe ongoing trauma until the age of 7-9, I think he figured from a very young age that being born a girl was the problem and if he was a boy then all his problems would go away.
also he is very handsome/pretty/all the nice words for his face and his body and his heart and his soul he is so kind and gentle and patient with me and has taught me how to be kinder, gentler and more patient with ppl who deserve it and ive taught him how to be angrier, more assertive and more confident.
sexual trauma and autism are huge contributors to gender dysphoria. he deserves real help to manage his dysphoria, not medication that will increase his risk of diabetes, heart disease, cervical cancer etc. I am glad he has come off of testosterone for the time being and i think when he has made more progress in therapy he will know more concretely whether or not he wants to continue taking hormones.
I think gender dysphoria is a huge feminist issue and i dont like blind hatred of trans identifying people. I think girls and women suffering from GD deserve sympathy and help rather than being ridiculed. there are also men with GD and idc about men's mental health issues (and neither do they until u talk about womens mental health lol) but whatever it is a real experience that you can be born with (or that you have a genetic predisposition to) or something that can develop through socialisation.
he also has an identical twin who has gender dysphoria and is a lesbian but identifies as nonbinary. they are very liberal feministy bc they don't like facing cognitive dissonance but they are my family so again I won't disrespect them not even online where they can't see it because I value loyalty, honesty and respect for those who deserve it. they do not have DID and AFAIK did not experience sexual violence the way my partner did as a child and i think this is because they have very opposite temperaments. partner is freeze/fawn/flop predominantly with some flight and one part that holds all the fight.
he had a very traumatic birth (he was translucent) so was likely predisposed to dissociation upon being born because he was 3 months premature, died at birth bc he was strangled by the umbilical cord, was resuscitated and then died again at 3 months old and was resuscitated again. a baby's only defence against that would be to dissociate heavily.
his twin was also premmy but survived and definitely stole most of the nutrients in the womb lol. his twin is fight & flight only, also a lot more secure in their attachment style.
anyway yeah. there's probably a genetic component bc his mother AND father are both identical twins (not related to each other might I clarify), and one of his aunts also has a trans son who is also my family and a good friend of mine and experienced CSA at the hands of a family member. so it seems to be a mix of nature and nurture and it deserves safe treatment which doesn't seem to exist atm.
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danswank · 2 years
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I wonder, I know bands want to be in good standings with their fans, but at what point does it become too much to try and keep them happy? Like having “fans” bully you about who you hang out with or what bands you tour with. When did fans start to feel so entitled to try and dictate these people’s personal lives or relationships? I’m okay with more bands just posing tour or music stuff. We’ve been “annoyed” with Alex because he’s been doing it but I’m starting to think now that’s maybe a good thing.
totally a fair point!! i think there’s sort of two points here, the first being swinging too far to one side and catering TOO much to your fans. i sometimes think the maine (despite them being my favorite band so obv i still love them) does this and gives their fans too much power, thus creating a sort of superiority complex in their fans.
the other being bands sharing too much of their personal life. which i think every “celebrity” struggles with. i, personally, don’t want to see artists become robots. that’s not interesting to me. but i know some people (normal people) listen to music without even knowing the names of the people in the band so they probably wouldn’t care. it’s always going to be a risk to let your fans in too much but all time low built a career on doing that, which is why it feels so weird that they are now pulling back, despite the fact that i understand the reasoning behind it.
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avatar-anna · 6 months
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When You Fall In Love...
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so i've been reading icebreaker and it's been putting me in the hockeyrry mood
part one, part two, bonus, bonus
Harry watched from the empty stands as Y/n ran through her routine for the fifth time. Her teammates had gone home, her coach asked Harry if he would lock up on the way out, and now it was just the two of them in the empty rink. There wasn't even any music playing anymore, Y/n was just skating and performing her tricks as if there was.
Every time she did it, it was flawless. Her routine was fast and intense and incredibly difficult, but Y/n performed with ease every time. She landed her tricks like they were nothing, tricks which Harry now knew the names of and could tell the difference between a lutz and an axel. She was incredible, and he was in awe of her every single time.
But even in her perfection, Y/n had yet to smile once.
Harry decided she'd had enough after she finished her fifth run-through, quickly jogging down to the edge of the rink before she could skate out to the middle again. He leaned over the barricade and kissed the top of her head. This close to her, he could see her rosy cheeks and heaving chest, a sign that her routine did wear her out, despite making it look so effortless.
"You were phenomenal as usual, baby," Harry said while he gathered her things.
"I bobbled a landing and my timing was off for a whole four counts," was her reply.
Harry frowned, not pleased by her recent negativity. Any athlete could be critical of their ability, but Y/n seemed uncharacteristically hard on herself lately, and he had no idea why. "Everything okay?" He asked, shouldering her duffle bag as they walked away from the rink.
"I'm fine."
She certainly didn't sound fine, but Harry decided not to push. Not now, anyway. Changing the subject, he said, "I got an email from the recruiter. I should be receiving my contract soon."
Excitement didn't even begin to cover how Harry had been feeling lately. Last week, he'd met with an agent of a minor league hockey team, one that was a feeder to an NHL team. He expressed their interest in Harry moving to the east coast after graduation and join them for spring training. And after giving it some thought, Harry accepted.
He was over the moon, thrilled that years of hard work was finally paying off. He'd made his passion into a career, and had the potential to really make a name for himself. Life couldn't have been better.
But where Harry seemed to be flying high, Y/n seemed stuck. She was happy for him when he told her the news, had gone out to celebrate with him that night. But something felt off between them. Harry couldn't put a name to it, but he just knew.
"That's great," Y/n said with no amount of enthusiasm in her voice. Harry tried not to take it to heart, she was clearly in a mood from her practice. She was under a lot of pressure too, he reminded himself, and sometimes had a knack for not knowing how to express herself with words.
"Is there something on your mind? You've been quiet recently," he said, hoping he wasn't overstepping her delicate boundary.
Y/n shook her head as she approached her car, sliding into the driver's seat without a word. Harry couldn't help but feel more and more like there was something on her mind, but he let it go again.
Before pulling the car out of the parking lot, Y/n rested her hand over his and leaned in to kiss him. "I'm sorry. I've just got a lot on my mind."
"It's okay. As long as you know you can talk to me about it."
Her throat bobbed, but she nodded, then turned her focus toward the road. Harry filled the silence with rambling. He talked mostly about the NHL, about his contract and where he wanted to live and how everything was happening so fast.
So caught up in trying to break the tension, he didn't notice Y/n's white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel.
*.*
"Styles! What the hell are you doing? Focus up! Let's go!"
Harry rested his hands on his knees, breathing heavily during the brief pause in the game. His eyes flicked up to the stands, searching the crowd for a familiar face, but he didn't see the one he needed the most.
Despite being recruited by a minor league hockey team, Harry was probably having the worst game of his life.
Not one pass connected, he was letting second-rate players get by him, and he'd spent more time in the penalty box than in the actual game. Nothing about this was right, and still all he could do was look for Y/n.
She wasn't there, and even though things had been weird between them recently, he was still surprised. When she wasn't at a competition of her own, Y/n came to every one of Harry's games. It had started out as Harry wanting to impress her, maybe show off a little, and then as time went on and they grew closer and their relationship became more than two people having sex in secret, he wanted her to be there just because it felt good knowing she was watching him play. All his nerves floated away when Y/n was sat in the stands, sometimes in his jersey, cheering him on.
And of course there were times when she couldn't come, but this wasn't one of those times. Y/n had purposely not shown up. He knew they'd fought before the game, but he didn't think she would abandon him just to be petty. They were past that now.
His sole focus should've been on the game he was playing, but instead his mind kept drifting to the fight.
Harry could feel Y/n pulling away from him. He finally felt like he was getting everything he wanted—a spot on a minor league hockey team on the east coast that would eventually lead him to the NHL, graduating with semi-decent grades thanks to Y/n, and of course being with his dream girl. At first, she'd seen him as some douchey athlete that was only good for one thing. He remembered seeing her for the first time their freshman year, performing tricks on the ice that he'd only ever seen on TV, and when he whistled and clapped loudly—perhaps a little obnoxiously—after she'd finished, she'd rolled her eyes at him and told him to fuck off.
It was love at first sight.
Harry had been so careful around Y/n. He played by her rules and followed her lead, trying not to let the comments about them not dating get to him too much. He liked their initial dynamic, finding it funny when he got under her skin because she made it so easy. It became a kind of game, this push and pull that was fun and exciting and eventually led to their arrangement.
He knew that she cared about him on some level, he just needed to bide his time and show her he wasn't who she thought he was. Not entirely, anyway. And when she finally did, and they became more than just people who screwed around, everything was perfect.
They'd been through so much together. Y/n pushed Harry to be better, and he worked with her to master new tricks and nail her routine. There wasn't anyone else who understood his level of commitment to hockey, but she did, and that just made him love her more.
So when he got the call offering him a spot on the minor league team, Y/n was the first person Harry told. She'd been happy for him, and he was over the moon, his mind already making a million plans—where they'd live, her coming to his games, him helping her find a new rink to train at. It felt like the doors to a new and exciting world had opened for them, but she then she started pulling back, and Harry practically watched as that door slammed shut.
Harry pushed himself to focus back on the game, on the hockey stick in his hand and the ice beneath his skates. He felt like it took more effort than it should've to get his head back in the game, but his team managed to pull out a win, and he managed not to get benched before it happened. That didn't stop his coach from ripping him a new one in the locker room, but Harry sat there and took it, shaking his head and promising his piss poor performance would never happen again.
Exhausted both physically and mentally, he trudged out of the locker room and toward the parking lot, debating whether to take the bus home or call an Uber. Even in his senior year, he still didn't have a car, but Y/n was usually there to give him a ride home. To their home. Moving in together for their last year of school seemed like a no-brainer, and it had been amazing so far, though the last week had been kind of a disaster. Harry could feel the tension between them growing, but every time he asked Y/n about it, she'd say she was fine even though they both knew everything was not fine, and the cycle continued. He wanted to be excited, he wanted to celebrate the success he'd managed to create for himself, but he felt rather deflated instead.
To Harry's surprise, Y/n was waiting for him in the parking lot. He didn't hesitate putting his gear in the trunk and coming around to sit in the passenger seat. Y/n leaned in to kiss him immediately holding onto the sides of his face fervently.
"I'm sorry," she breathed. "I'm sorry for not being here tonight and I'm sorry for acting strange, and I'm sorry for—"
"Y/n, what's going on with you?" Harry couldn't help but ask.
"Can we wait until we get home to talk?" She asked. I want to be able to talk to you properly, and I can't if I'm driving.
When Harry nodded, Y/n must've deemed it enough. She peeled away from the rink, silent tension filling the air between once again. It had been following them around all week.
That ended tonight, though. He didn't care how much Y/n hated confrontation or hard conversations. They couldn't move forward if they didn't move past this roadblock first. Harry loved Y/n more than he ever thought possible, and stubborn as she was, he knew she loved him just as much. He would get to the bottom of this, no matter how hard she tried to fight him on the way down.
*.*
"Y/n, you know I would be ecstatic if you'd told me you qualified for the Olympics. This is a huge step in my career! Why can't you be happy for me?"
"I am! God, Harry, I am."
"Then why are you pulling away from me? I feel like I can't be excited about this around you when you're the one person who should understand how this feels."
"I can't do this. I can't have this argument with you," you said, trying to step away from him.
Harry was quick to grab your hands in his, keeping you from walking away. "What aren't you telling me? Do you want to break up?"
"No!
"Do you not love me anymore? What? What is it, Y/n?"
"God, I didn't—I didn't ask for this," you cried, feeling like a damn had burst inside you. It was out now, and now you had to see it through to the end. "I didn't plan on falling in love with you. I wasn't prepared to love you this much. You're the one who wanted to take things further, and now you're—"
You're leaving me, you couldn't bring yourself to say. You really were happy for him. All of his dreams were coming true, and he had an ambition that matched yours, which made you love him more. And now that ambition was taking him far away from you, and you weren't handling it as well as you thought you would.
"Y/n—"
"I'm happy for you, H, I'm so happy for you that I could burst. And maybe even a little jealous," you joked, though there was some truth to what you said. "But I guess I just...I guess I didn't expect to love you this much. And I don't—I don't know what to do because you're going soon and I'm..."
You had no clue, and that alone was terrifying.
At the start of all this, you never imagined falling in love with Harry. He drove you absolutely insane, and despite your physical attraction to him, you kept your distance. But he kept doing these things that made you like him, and eventually care about him, and finally made you fall in love with him. It just wasn't something you saw coming. Love was definitely not on the brain when you met Harry.
Because you knew this moment was inevitable. The moment when one of you would be given an opportunity you couldn't refuse and would pull you away from each other. Once upon a time, you thought you would be given your dream job of a lifetime—competitive skating and hopefully the Olympics—but somewhere down the line, skating stopped bringing you joy, only pressure and anxiety. And now Harry had his dream job on the other side of the country, and you were left to flounder and wonder how you would survive waking up without him next to you.
"You're making it seem like it's a bad thing that you're in love with me," Harry said quietly, but the low tone of his voice didn't hide anything. You knew he was getting upset. After all the avoidance the last week—on your part—yours and his emotions were coming to a head.
"It's not! It's just that you're leaving!" you said, resisting the urge to run a frustrated hand through your hair. "And all week you've talked about how excited to get out of here and leave this all behind and start a new chapter in your life. I mean, would it kill you to act like you're a little torn up about leaving?"
It was so selfish, and you knew it was. It was why you'd been avoiding Harry, this conversation. Harry had every right to be proud and ecstatic for leaving to play in the professional league. He worked so hard, pushed himself farther than anyone you'd ever met, except for maybe you. Your pain was clouding your good sense, and now you'd shown just how horrible you could really be.
You couldn't look him in the eye after saying what you did. Even if it was how you felt, you still felt ashamed for raining on Harry's parade. "Y/n—" he tried to say when you hastily wiped a tear from your eye.
"I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry," you said, getting up from the couch and scurrying off to your bedroom.
Flopping on the bed, you pulled the covers over you, trying to hide from everything happening around you. It was too much. Your senior year was supposed to be fun and full of unforgettable memories, not arguments and heartache.
You weren't sure how much time had passed before the door opened and Harry slipped inside. He slid into bed next to you, and you didn't fight it when he rested his face in the crook of your neck. Because despite everything you were feeling, this was all you really needed.
"I'm not leaving you behind," he murmured gently. "You mean too much to me."
You sniffled, and Harry pulled you closer to his chest. "You're going to be thousands of miles away."
"Says who?" he said, kissing your cheek. "Who says you aren't coming with me?"
"And do what?" you huffed, even though the thought slightly lifted your spirits. "Be one of your...puck whatevers and follow you around like a puppy? I need a life of my own too."
You were being stubborn and argumentative and you both knew it. There was some relief in knowing Harry wanted you with him, but you also didn't want to just move because Harry was. You needed purpose, you needed to feel like your life had some sort of direction in it. But it was unfair to put all of that on Harry, and you didn't know how to express how you felt without sounding insane, so instead you said nothing, and that obviously went over brilliantly.
Harry chuckled. "See, because you just said how in love you are with me, I can tell that you're frosty attitude is just an act. Now turn over and look at me."
You reluctantly turned over, brow furrowed exaggeratedly because you couldn't cross your arms over your chest. It used to infuriate you how easily Harry could get under your skin because he knew you so well, that he knew just what to do or say to pull you out of a bad mood. In this moment, you were thankful. He could see past all the harsh words and see to the root of the problem. You'd said some things that were perhaps out of order, but Harry understood. Despite everything, he understood.
"You've worked just as hard as me, Y/n. I want to be there for you the way you've been for me. You can achieve your goals too."
"I just...I don't know if I want to achieve them anymore," you said quietly.
It was the first time you'd said it out loud. Since you'd learned to skate, there had only been one goal: the Olympics. Getting there wasn't just a matter of training, it was about devoting your life to your craft, it was barely having a life outside of training and competitions and giving all your time to winning. And after spending nearly your entire life doing it, you felt yourself slowly burning out. You'd go through your routines flawlessly, but your heart wasn't in it. All you could think about was the future—the next competition, the next training session, the next qualifier. It took seeing Harry so happy about being drafted to the minor leagues to realize the fire had gone out in you. Thinking of Olympic qualifiers and training and affording coaches and costumes and picking the right music only filled you with dread when you should've felt joy.
"Oh."
"But I don't know who I am if I don't have skating."
"You don't have to compete to skate, you know," Harry said. He rested his hand against your cheek, rubbing his thumb along your temple lightly. "You can c—"
"Oh God, don't say coach," you groaned. "It's perfect. You'll be a hockey superstar and I'll be the washed-up figure skater who couldn't handle the pressure of being an athlete and wound up coaching instead."
"I know you're being like this because you're scared, and that's okay," he said. "But I'll help you find a new dream, Y/n. I promise."
You had to blink away tears because your heart couldn't take how much he cared about you. "Even when I've been a complete bitch?"
"You haven't been. I'm sorry if you felt like I was leaving you behind. I guess in my mind we would always be together, no matter where we ended up."
"God I hate how much I love you sometimes," you grumbled while flinging yourself on top of Harry and holding him tight. "It's too much, you're too much, and I can't stand it—"
"There's a compliment in there somewhere, right?" Harry asked, but you could hear the grin in his voice.
Sitting up, you perched yourself on him, your legs straddling his waist. Dipping down, you made sure your noses were brushing, but you didn't close the distance. Not yet. Your heart was racing simply because Harry had been so kind to you, because he knew you so well and said exactly what you needed to hear. It felt ridiculous to know that there was a time when he pissed you off so much you saw red, that his teasing remarks and cocky grin grated on your nerves. Now you didn't want to imagine a life without him.
"I'm sorry for saying all of those things," you murmured. "I really am proud of you. No one deserves this more than you do."
Harry's hand reached up and threaded through your hair, his fingers gentle as they passed over your scalp. "I know you are. And I mean it, Y/n. I'll help you. I know you love to skate, we just have to find a way to channel that into something else. If not coaching, maybe performing?"
"What? Like Disney on Ice?" you asked skeptically, your nose wrinkling at the thought.
Harry shrugged as his hand dipped beneath your shirt to stroke your back. "You'd be a cute princess."
"With my luck, they'd make me a tree."
"Then you'd be the cutest tree there ever was."
Shaking your head, you nudged your nose against his again. "Can we hit pause on talking about the future? I just want to be with you here. Right now."
"Course," Harry said, one corner of his mouth turning up into a crooked grin. "And then maybe we can circle back to you being my puck whatever."
"Shut up."
"Make me!"
And that was something you knew how to do better than your skating routine.
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moonstruckme · 3 months
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Hi omg could I request Remus comforting insecure reader who makes jokes about her looks all the time and stuff and kind of tries to avoid talking deeply about it because it actually really hurts deep down but Remus wants to address it and when he talks to her she’s like “you wouldn’t get what it’s like to be ugly you (as in Remus) have always been beautiful” ? I hope that makes sense 😭Totally understand if you don’t want to write this!
Of course you can lovely! Thank you :)
Remus Lupin x fem!reader ♡ 884 words
Remus’ self control starts to fray when you discard your third outfit. 
It’s not that he’s impatient to get to the restaurant—you’ve both got plenty of time, and watching you try on clothes for him is a far from unappealing way to pass it. The issue is that you don’t seem to get how fucking phenomenal you look in all of them. 
“Oh my god,” you laugh, making a face at yourself in the mirror before lifting the top over your head. It’s tossed onto the bed, where Remus picks it up to put it back on its hanger. “That color makes me look sickly.” 
“Dove,” he reprimands. “It does not.” 
“Rem,” you mimic his tone teasingly. The late afternoon light filters through the window, and he honestly isn’t sure if the glow he’s seeing is from that or from the smile you give him. “I already look like this, I don’t need to accentuate it.” 
You do that. Self-deprecate. Like it’s anticipatory, like you’re in on a joke that hasn’t been told yet. It makes Remus’ skin prickle. 
“Anyway, I’ll be with you, handsome.” You set one hand on the bed and lean over to peck him on the lips. You take the top with you as you go, hanging it back up in the closet with a nod of thanks to your boyfriend. “I’m not aiming for mind-blowingly gorgeous, but I’d like to look at least remotely in your league, if I can.” 
“You always look mind-blowingly gorgeous,” Remus says softly. His chest aches with earnestness. 
You select a different top, tossing a coy grin over your shoulder. “Thanks, honey.” 
“No, really.” He feels suddenly hot with desperation. Remus doesn’t usually get in your way like this. You make your jokes, he disagrees politely, and he lets you move on. But the need to make you hear him, to talk until you finally get it, see how obsessed he is with you, has been building. If there’s one hill he’s going to die on, he wants this to be it. “You looked lovely in that top, and in everything. You’re exquisite, dove. Do you get that?” 
Your smile falters, and you turn away. You speak into the closet, over the schwick of hangers sliding. “Exquisite.” Humor bends the syllables of the word. “You’re too sweet. Careful, or you’ll give me an ego to eclipse the sun.” 
Remus wishes, but he seriously doubts there’s any danger of that. Your perusal of the closet picks up its pace, criticism a shadowy gray cloud above your head. He stands from the bed and steps forward to wrap his arms around your waist. You still, relaxing into him automatically. 
“I don’t understand why you have to deflect like that,” he says, doing his best to sound kind even as a protective ire burns fiercely in his chest. “You’re always making these cruel jokes about yourself, and you won’t listen when I tell you how wrong you are. Why?” 
“Remus.” It’s hardly a murmur, and yet the plea is clear. “Can we drop this, please?” 
Just like that, the fire in his chest is smothered. A dull ache takes its place. “Not if you’re going to keep doing it,” he says, kissing the nape of your neck. “Just tell me why, please.” 
You clasp your hands over his, seeking comfort even as you stiffen in his arms. “You wouldn't get it.” There’s no venom in your tone, but Remus hears the slight edge. “You don’t know what it’s like to be ugly, Rem. You’ve always been beautiful.” 
A laugh barks out of him, sharper than he means it to be. “I wouldn’t get it?” 
You’re quiet. He takes you by the shoulders, turning you to face him. Your eyes drop to his chin. 
“Do you really think I wouldn’t know how it feels to be insecure?” he asks. “Dove, I grew up with giant tears and scars on my face. People stare at me.” Your eyes flit up to his, shame and apology clear within them. When they go back down, Remus follows, ducking so you can’t hide from his gaze. “I understand that when you feel like something about you is ugly, no one can convince you it’s not. You have to do that on your own, pretty girl.” A flicker of emotion—discomfort, aversion, something else—passes over your face at the endearment. Remus has to swallow against the upset that clogs his throat. “But do you think you could try talking about yourself more kindly? For me, if not for you. It hurts to hear you being so cruel to someone I care about,” he says softly. 
Every line of your face is tense with discomfort at the topic, but you finally meet his eyes. Remus’ smile is reflexive. He’s not sure how you can find things not to love in this face so full of sweetness. 
“Sorry,” you say, sheepish. 
“Don’t be sorry.” He rubs your upper arms affectionately. “I know you don’t do it to spite me, darling.”
You bring your hands up around his neck, hugging him loosely. “You really are beautiful,” you murmur into his sweater. “With the scars, too. I’m not just saying that.” 
“So are you.” Remus kisses the top of your head. Someday, he’ll get you to believe it.
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thatfeelinwhenyou · 8 months
Text
KINDRED — yang jungwon
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It’s your final year of highschool, and your only goal is to graduate top of your cohort, as usual. Except as student council president, your advisor can’t seem to leave you alone. What happens when you take Decelis Academy’s top student, their star taekwondo athlete and put them in front of a camera?
“Kindred” a student documentary. Pilot episode airing tonight on TVN 7PM KST.
PAIRING: athlete!jungwon x stucopres!fem!reader
FEATURING: enhypen, yunjin from lesserafim, ryujin and chaeryeong from itzy, chanelle from runext, beomgyu and taehyun from txt, wonyoung from ive, gunwook and gyuvin from zb1 etc.
GENRE: high school au, enemies to lovers, nerd x athlete, forced proximity, slice of life, coming of age, he fell first and harder, fluff, ANGST, teen drama, slow burn ish?
WARNINGS: contains profanities, horrible attempt at humour, urban lingo, probably cringy, kys/kms jokes, depression jokes, sexual innuendos (nothing too inappropriate), depiction of violence, reader can be a little bit annoying at first, family drama, incorrect timestamps/information, no fixed faceclaims, not proofread etc.
STATUS: completed! (01/09/2023 – 18/03/2024)
AUTHOR’S NOTE: please read! story concept is heavily inspired by the kdrama ‘our beloved summer’ other than that the storyline is completely original (or so i assume since i manifested this out from the crevices of my pea brain). i’ll try to keep this one to ard 30 chapters (who am i kidding). chapters with ‘(hw)’ next to them indicates that they are half-written, in case y’all skip over it! as always, the content and depiction of the characters in this smau do not in anyway represent them in real life. also i know how twitter has been rebranded to x, but we’re just gonna continue calling it twitter. lastly, if you do end up enjoying, please do like, comment (love reading your comments btw), and reblog so this can reach!! without further ado, enjoy!
TAGS: #tfwy kindred #tfwy smau
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TEASER
profile. one | two | three
episode 1 - ratatouille and the underdogs
episode 2 - one way ticket to university
episode 3 - do you take constructive criticism?
episode 4 - unsolicited but appreciated
episode 5 - the art of benevolence
episode 6 - taekwondo-anti
episode 7 - beating the mentally ill allegations
episode 8 - can’t help it, i’m a libra
episode 9 - operation we-don’t-really-hate-each-other (hw)
episode 10 - she’s an oscar award winning actress
episode 11 - someone like me (hw)
episode 12 - ‘female-lead-realising-the-bad-boy-isnt-actually-that-bad’ arc
episode 13 - 5 foot 9 garfield meets avatar
episode 14 - yn the heterosexual
episode 15 - the ynwon getting closer montage :p
episode 16 - to the moon and back
episode 17 - eat 2 left toes
episode 18 - you are approved! (hw)
episode 19 - asking for a friend
episode 20 - rediscovering won’s ability to love
episode 21 - beomgyu’s 99999 eq
episode 22 - ynwon get together or else >:(
episode 23 - “hate”
episode 24 - not all problems can be solved with a formula
episode 25 - H.O.M.E.W.R.E.C.K.E.R
episode 26 - collecting facebook milfs like pokémons
episode 27 - you were brighter than the moon (hw)
episode 28 - no matter shrimp or whale, you deserve to flap your tail
episode 29 - the garden is full of surprises (hw)
episode 30 - weapon of mass destruction
episode 31 - the name above me (hw)
episode 32 - no offense but she’s a cockblocker
episode 33 - the bane of my existence (hw)
episode 34 - risky risky wiggy wigi this is an emergency
episode 35 - live my life on my terms (hw)
episode 36 - separation anxiety goes crazy
episode 37 - paparizzki
episode 38 - is it too late now to say Sorry?
episode 39 - everything will work out just the way you want it to (hw)
episode 40 (finale) - her entire being is loveable (written)
epilogue - kindred, signing off part 1 | part 2
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bonus chapters!
yunjin x heeseung
i can fight
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Copyright© 2023 thatfeelinwhenyou All Rights Reserved
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satoruxx · 8 months
Text
MORNING CHILLS.
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✧ PAIRING: diluc ragnvindr x reader | 1.2k words
✧ SUMMARY: fluff, lots of domesticity, established relationship, clingy diluc, clingy reader, lots of clinginess overall, this is way too cheesy, an absurd amount of sweetness really, but anyways domestic mornings !!
✧ RHEYA'S NOTE: this is my entry for the summer santa event hosted by @solarisfortuneia and i got assigned to @pvbbyb0y !! i’m so sorry it’s late but i’m really hoping you enjoy this hehe :D i had a lot of fun writing it (diluc my beloved mwah)
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despite wielding a pyro vision, diluc ragnvindr runs cold in the mornings.
you'll probably tell him he's absurd, clinging to him for warmth whenever you can, but he knows in his gut that it's true. he's usually warm, except for the early dawns, when he's roused from sleep and even the slightest shift of his skin against the sheets makes him shiver.
he used to hate the mornings for this exact reason. he hated being pulled from the comforting warmth of his dreams only to realize that there was nothing but cold and emptiness in the bed he slept in. he hated the feeling of ripping the sheets away from his body, hated the feeling of goosebumps rising over his flesh, hated the feeling of his bare feet touching the cold wood of the manor's floors. he hated it all.
he tells you as much one morning, when you're still hazy with sleep and slow to process his words.
"isn't it strange that those with pyro visions aren't always warm?" he asks quietly, voice thick with sleep as he speaks out into the silence. you attempt to crack an eye open, but the sunlight filtering in through the curtains makes you flinch, and you opt for burying your face into his arm instead.
when you answer, your voice is muffled against his skin. "what are you talking about?"
he sighs, quietly, so that he doesn't break the peace. he's been scared of doing that lately. "i'm always cold in the mornings..."
there's a silence that lingers in the air before you're snorting out a laugh, shaking your head. "no you aren't."
diluc sits up a little, so that his back can rest against one of the pillows. the sheets slide down his body a little, and he almost hisses as the cool air hits his skin. he eyes your disheveled hair, confusion evident in his tone. "yes i am." he replies simply.
you finally pick your head up to glare at him critically, unlatching yourself from his arm. "you're ridiculous, no you are not." you say, groggily adjusting yourself so that you can rest your face against his chest and drape your arm over his waist. "you run so warm all the time. it's the most pleasant thing ever."
he pauses, looking down at you with interest, his calloused palms coming up to thread through your hair like it's routine. "oh? what do you mean by that?"
"i mean," you stress with a sigh. "that you're so warm and so comfortable and it makes me feel clingy."
you say all of this with a grumpy pout, and diluc can already tell your only goal right now is to go back to sleep. the thought makes him bite back a grin, because it's almost funny how you can say these sweet things with such an exasperated expression. he doesn't really have an answer to give back, and instead he smiles to himself, fingers coming down to drift over the skin of your arm.
there's another comfortable silence between the two of you and diluc's thoughts travel through his head slowly, lazily.
"i hate the cold, you know?" he muses, gaze trained on the folds of his bedsheets with disinterest.
"is this another horribly concealed jab at captain kaeya?"
he laughs despite himself, shaking his head even though you can't see him with your eyes closed. "no, this isn't about kaeya. i just don't like how the cold makes me feel." he answers as his laughs die down, fingers still tracing patterns over your skin. "especially in the morning, when i have to get out of bed."
"why's that?"
he pauses, smiling to himself and leaning down to press a kiss to the crown of your head. "because you're warm, and when i get out of bed i can't hold you, so it makes me cold."
a tired giggle escapes your lips, and you shake your head against his chest playfully. "i hope you know that was extremely cheesy, diluc."
he shrugs, choosing to keep the rest of his thoughts to himself. one day, he'll find a way to explain it to you properly. how cold he's gotten used to feeling in an empty bed and how he always believed that cold would remain with him, lonely and isolating and oh so frigid. he'll find a way to tell you that he now hates getting out of bed because he can't bring himself to let go of your addicting warmth, in all of its loving and welcoming glory. he'll somehow find a way to let you know that it's almost torture for him to rip himself away from your embrace every single day.
but for now, he'll keep those thoughts to himself.
he moves to get up, and immediately your eyes shoot open, grip tightening. he laughs quietly, as though this doesn't occur every morning. "you know i have to get up, my love."
"you don't." you say simply, tugging his hand ever so slightly. "you could just stay."
his shoulders drop, a helpless smile on his face as he reaches over to smooth down your hair.
“and who would take care of the manor?” he asks, tilting his head as a few strands of fiery red hair fall across his eyes.
"adelinde runs the place better than you do."
"oh, she does." diluc chuckles, pressing his lips to your temple. "but that doesn't mean i don't have to attend to my duties too."
the look you give him is criminally endearing, and his sigh comes out more indulgent than anything else, powerless in front of you. he moves to get back into bed, and you make yourself comfortable against him again.
he doesn't even have it in him to be angry, instead just letting his fingers stroke your hair and lull you back into that sweet sense of security you claim to feel in his arms.
and all diluc ragnvindr can do in that moment is smile to himself, feeling slightly helpless but oh so warm and fuzzy.
he waits until he's sure you've fallen asleep again to finally get up, the telltale sign of your breathing getting slower so familiar to him it makes his stomach flip. your words echo in his head, and a smile tugs at his lips as he forces himself to turn away from you and get himself ready for the day. truthfully, if you opened your eyes again and asked him to stay, he'd get back into bed with you in a heartbeat. because you look so warm all cuddled up in his sheets like that, lips parted and hair mussed like it's the most natural thing in the world.
and archons above he was starting to feel cold all over again.
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zepskies · 6 months
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Hello. I was wondering if you could write an imagine in the BMD-verse (been following it for a while now; love, love, love it, by the way!) where Ben cries?
Like something really bad happens in general or to the Reader, and he losses it? I mean, personally, I have never known this man to cry, and I would love to see you conjure up something that could possibly elicite that reaction from him.
But no pressure - will definitely understand if you don't want to write it!
Oooh, so you really wanna kill me, huh? 🫠😭😭
Lol it's okay, thank you for loving Break Me Down!! It's one of my favorite story verses that I've been able to create on here. ❤️❤️
This request was difficult for me on multiple levels, but I think I was able to pull it off? (I'll let you be the judge.) This is set in the BMD-verse, shortly after "Love Actually."
Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x Reader
Word Count: 2,400 Tags/Warnings: Major angst, show-level violence, hurt/comfort, "twist" ending (you'll want to read until the end, trust me).
Imagine: Ben loses you.
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Ben restrained another sigh when he realized you were no longer walking next to him.
He turned and saw you stopping in another damn kiosk, this time looking at a selection of Pashmina scarves. As if you didn’t have enough clothes.
“We’re not here for a damn shopping spree,” he called after you.
He ignored the people who glanced at him as they walked past, a couple of them even shooting him an annoyed look.
One didn’t just stop in the middle of a busy sidewalk in New York City, but as with most societal protocols, Ben couldn't really give a fuck.
He almost started tapping his foot. Instead, he crossed his arms as he glared in your general direction. You were smiling and chatting with the woman selling her wares as you finished the transaction.
Ben at least could admire the view of you bent over in those tight jeans and ankle boots. You also wore the dark green winter coat he bought you last month, lined with faux fur to keep you warm.
When you eventually came back to him, you shot him an amused smile. You held a new scarf in shades of green and blue, to match your coat. But you also held out a new pair of leather gloves for him.
“Here you go, Grumpy. I didn't forget about you,” you teased. He raised a wry brow at you and took the gloves. He inspected them with a half-critical eye.
“And how much did these cost, five cents?”
You rolled your eyes and kept walking. He caught up with you and slipped the gloves into his pocket.
“My hands don’t get cold anyway,” he reminded you. And you often complained that his body heat was like a radiator, especially at night. Although, you hadn’t been complaining since the winter turned frigid this February.
“All right, whatever. Just don’t say I never get you anything,” you quipped. “Besides, you know you love to accessorize.”
A smirk pulled at Ben’s lips. The gloves were a half-assed gift, but he still wore the watch you got him for Christmas proudly on his wrist. That was a nice silver Rolex.
“All I know is, we’d better not be late for this damn meeting,” he said. “I don’t wanna hear Mallory’s fucking mouth.”
The two of you had made a day of coming into the city, hitting a nice brunch spot and ice skating at Rockefeller center before your date had been rudely interrupted—by a call for a new mission.
Grace Mallory had been a bit cryptic on the phone, but it had something to do with the mess Ben left of the drug cartels in South America. After they got back to the States, Ben left that “business” behind…he just hadn’t thought of how that would shake out in Colombia.  
So now, you two were headed to the Supe Affairs building. You slipped your arm around his, while his hands were in his pockets. You looked up at him with a smile.
“Try to enjoy the little things, Ben,” you told him. “We had mimosas and some bougie ass lobster tails with our eggs this morning. I skated circles around you on the ice. And now we’re going to get some work done.”
“On our day off,” he retorted.
“To be fair, you made the mess, Mr. Kingpin,” you pointed out. “We’ve just gotta clean it up…as usual.”
“Hey," he eyed you. But you both knew the warning had little heat behind it.
He still reached for your cheek and brushed his thumb across it. He felt how cold your face was, and he stopped for a moment in the middle of the sidewalk. Neither of you cared when pedestrians gave you dirty looks as they passed by.
Maybe you were right though. Maybe he should take stock of the small moments. Ben held your face with both hands and caressed some warmth back into your skin.
Your smile softened, and your eyes closed when his lips found their way to your forehead. He then took the newly bought scarf out of your hand and wrapped it comfortably around your neck.
“What a gentleman,” you said, with a small grin.
Ben smirked down at you…until his face fell.
He heard the whistle of the bullet before he saw it.
It took him another second to move, grabbing you and shielding you with his entire body when it hit his back. The bullet itself bounced harmlessly off his skin, but the inner compartment of Novichok exploded like a small smoke bomb. The smell was too familiar to him to be anything else.
Ben coughed and was forced to push you away from him before the gas reached you. You yelped and almost tripped on your feet, but you scrambled back against the wall of a drycleaners. Your wide eyes met his as his knees buckled; the gas had clouded around his head.
“Run!” he shouted through fits of coughing.
You hesitated, for just a second. But when another bullet ricocheted into the wall behind you, near your head, you ducked and had to take off running.
You wove through the busy sidewalk, pushing people out of your way as you went. Whoever was after him this time, you had a feeling these were the people Ben had pissed off in Colombia.
Fuck! You sprinted past an alleyway and saw the hand coming for your arm, but even when you turned, there was another man, dressed a black military-style uniform with his face covered by a black mask, waiting to grab you from behind.
It was muscle memory. You released an elbow into the man’s neck, a punch straight into his teeth and nose, then kicked his knee out with the heel of your boot.
You grabbed your gun from under your jacket and would've shot him, except the next man wheelhouse kicked it out of your hand. You stepped back on instinct, ducking the following punch, and the rest of his arm to run in the opposite direction.
The first man pointed a large automatic gun straight in your face. You gasped and put your hands up. With a quick glance in either direction, you realized that they’d cornered you.
Your hands were pulled behind your back by someone else. That’s when they started dragging you toward a black SUV parked in the corner.
Except that car was soon destroyed, by an old Honda Civic being shoved into it. The SUV's hood constantined like an accordion.
You looked up with wide eyes, and there stood Ben, at the crossroads of the alley. He was furious.
“Soldier Boy,” greeted the man who once again held the automatic gun poised at you. He pulled down his mask, revealing the tan face of a middle-aged man.
He moved over to you and grabbed your arm from his subordinate. He raised the gun to your back. With one press of his finger, your insides could become Swiss cheese.
Your jaw clenched as you tried to take in even breaths. You focused on Ben. His green eyes met yours, and briefly you caught the worry behind them before his steely gaze moved back to the man who held you.
“Pretty ballsy, Reyes,” Ben said. His voice was a drawl, more controlled than he felt. “You really thought this was gonna go down that easy?”
Reyes scoffed. “You’re the ballsy one. Taking off with all that product you stole.”
“You’ll have to take up with the CIA on that one,” Ben replied. “They confiscated all the smack from my place. Probably reselling it to a few hobos down the street. You’re welcome to check under the bridge over there.”
He gestured in the direction of the Hudson River.  
Reyes shrugged. The sound of a gun’s safety being clipped back resounded through the alley. You felt the vibration of it on your back. Your eyes closed for a moment.
“Bad news for her,” he said.
"Hey," Ben snapped. "There's no fucking need for that."
"I think I'll decide what we need," said Reyes. Your lips pursed as the gun dug into your back. "Maybe it's your bitch's insides at your feet."
Ben slowly raised a placating hand. Though his gait was still relaxed and arrogant, as always, you knew it was a well-crafted act. To hide his anger. His fear. To seem in control of himself, and to reinforce the intimidating presence he still was, even unarmed.
“Listen. If it’s money you want, we can work it out,” Ben replied.
His eyes once again found yours. He could see you were holding your breath. You were good at hiding it, but he knew you were scared. He wanted to tell you that he had this handled. That everything would be all right.
He focused on Reyes again. The other man considered the supe with a tilt of his head. He sucked his teeth and spit on the ground, out of the corner of his mouth. It was mixed with a bit of blood from when you'd punched him in the teeth.
“Okay, my friend,” said Reyes. “Let’s work this out. Pull out your phone.”
Ben made slow movements in grabbing his phone from his pocket. They all stepped further into the alley to avoid prying eyes and discussed the transfer of funds, and how much was fair. Ben claimed he was giving him a deal with his first offer.
Reyes demanded three times that amount. Ben raised his brows...but he complied. The money transferred from his bank account.
“Okay, we’re fucking done,” Ben snarked. He gestured at you with his eyes. “Let her go.”
In his mind, he was already contemplating how thoroughly he'd rip Reyes apart for this. After you were safe. He'd have a first class ticket to Medellin by tonight, ready to Colombian-necktie this cocksucker.
Reyes sighed through his nose. There was still about ten feet between him and Ben. He didn't seem to think it was enough. He took the gun off your back and backed up with you a few steps. Eventually, he released your arm.
“Come ‘ere, sweetheart,” Ben reached a hand out, beckoning for you. You met his gaze once again, and let out a subtle breath.
You took three hesitant steps forward.
And the gunshots echoed horribly through the alley.
As it turned out, Reyes always had an escape plan. You were merely the distraction.
It proved effective, as Ben’s protest rang out as soon as the bullets fired. He raced forward and caught you as you stumbled, but his hands soon became coated in your blood; it fled from your back in thin rivulets.
You gasped and clung to his arms. His ears rang with the sound, along with tires squealing and shouts and police sirens. All he could focus on was the color draining from your face.
Both of your breaths came out ragged as he slid with you down to his knees. He brushed your hair away from your face, even as his blood-covered hand stained your cheek. Your pained eyes drew up to his face. You tried to speak, but you didn't have the strength.
“I hear the sirens. They’re coming for you, take you to the hospital,” he promised. His voice was rough, but his throat was tight. His eyes scanned over you. “All you need is my blood and…Christ. Fuck it all.”
He laid you down on the dirty asphalt and hurriedly yanked up his coat sleeve until it ripped. It exposed his arm. He was about to drag a blunt nail across his own skin to bleed into you.
“Ben.” Your fingers twitched against his knee.
When he looked at your face, there was no longer life in your eyes.
His own were wide, almost uncomprehending. His breathing was harsh as empty hands fell to his thighs. His head felt heavy, though his ears were still ringing.
He drew enough strength in his hand to wipe the blood from your cold cheek…but your face was beginning to blur.
Or not, he realized, as the sting in his eyes took him by surprise.
In a fit of mania, he gathered you back up in his arms and ignored the wetness covering your back. He held you, impossibly tight. Tighter than he’d ever held you, because he was alone in the alley…because he was alone again.
And it was his own fault.
His eyes squeezed shut against the burn, but it was futile. Everything was. His breaths were sharp and stifled as pain tore inside. A pain worse than anything the Russian's could've inflicted on him.
His lips pressed against your forehead, trembling there. The first drops of wetness rolled down his cheek. He couldn't stop it from happening, but then again. He guessed he truly was a failure, after all.
You made the mess…
His first tears had been spent at his mother’s funeral, when he stood alone at her gravestone.
His last ones would fall and die with you.
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“Ben,” your voice was soft but insistent.
He finally woke with a start. A sharp inhale through his nose.
He had been sleeping on his side. Before he even truly registered where he was, in the safety of his bedroom, he turned his head toward you.
His eyes found your face in the dark, over his shoulder. Your hair was frizzy from sleep. The strap of your nightgown had fallen off one shoulder. Your face looked bleary and tired, but you frowned in concern.
“You okay, baby?” you asked. Your hand soothed across the dewy skin on his arm.
Ben’s throat constricted. He was starting to remember bits and pieces of the dream…the nightmare. He rubbed at his eyes, then dragged a hand over his mouth.
“Yeah,” he said at last.
“Hmm.” Your gaze narrowed at him. “You sure?”
Ben had only enough energy in him to nod in response. His heart was still racing. Maybe you sensed that, because you leaned onto his arm and dropped a hand down his chest. You kissed his bare shoulder with soft lips, and he couldn’t help himself.
He raised a hand to cup the back of your head. He let out a long, relieved sigh through his nose, closing his eyes. Then he turned onto his back and brought you closer, with an arm slipping around your frame and pulling you against his chest. You made a sound of surprise, but you went willingly.
You brushed the sweaty strands of hair away from his face and pressed a kiss against his neck, to his jaw, his cheek and above his brow. He accepted it all and tried to calm his breathing with the feeling of your touch, and the smell of your flowery soap that lingered on your skin.
With a hand still cupping your head, he guided your lips to his. He claimed you slowly, but with purpose. You answered him by tilting your head, deepening the kiss for a moment.
You parted from him just as slowly. You knew everything wasn’t okay, but you also knew it wasn’t the time to push him for an answer.
Maybe in the morning, you thought. …I’ll make pancakes. Haven't done that in a while. And he’s always happier with something sweet.
You rested contentedly against his warm chest and let his heartbeat, gradually slowing back into a steady rhythm, lull you back to sleep.
Ben tangled his fingers into your hair. He laid one more kiss on the top of your head.
And for damn sure, he was going to cancel that trip into the city tomorrow.
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AN: I know, I know. The "it was all a dream" thing is super cheesy, but I couldn't leave it on heartbreak. I just don't have it in me with these two. 🥲❤️‍🩹
Read the Sequel:
A friend of mine requested a sequel to this imagine: "You confront Ben about his fears."
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Soldier Boy Masterlist
Main Masterlist
BMD Tag List (Part 1):
@deans-spinster-witch @this-is-me19 @waynes-multiverse @mrsjenniferwinchester @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @spalady26 @spnwoman @syrma-sensei @wirdbeimaufhebengebunden @muhahaha303 @123passwort
@xoxovienna @katherineann814 @lollag0w0 @globetrotter28 @nancymcl @ashbatz @secretdreamlandmentality @kristophalis @wonderland2022 @emily-winchester @shelh93 @sl33pylilbunny @spoonmynoodle @chernayawidow
@buckybarnes-1917 @asgardprincess97 @sometimes-i-sing @itsyellow @karnellius @kimberleymjw @is-this-a-febreze-commercial @iamsapphine @sanscas @se-fucking-hun @lassie-bird @jessjad @yepimthatperson @fromcaintodean @stoneyggirl2
@spnfamily-j2 @im-a-slut-for-fluff @lacilou @venicesem @mimaria420 @vanillawhiskeyflavoredkisses @tearsfortheyouth @agalliasi @chriszgirl92 @kazsrm67
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qatarsprint2023 · 2 months
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Hi im shamelessly in love with Oscar so how about Oscar x reader, where the reader gets really overwhelmed and Oscar helps calm her down!!!
I really liked writing this because I've been getting so many Lando requests and I'm not even that big of a Lando girl (I'm sorry!) I'm not quite sure if you meant it like this or more like a meltdown overwhelmed, but I hope you enjoy anyways <3
That overwhelming world of his — OP81
Oscar takes his girlfriend to an official event for the first time and she gets overwhelmed from how it all works — Oscar Piastri x f!reader, comfort, fluff, no use of y/n, Oscar being a sweetheart, reader has social anxiety, body image issues word count: ca. 1.3k
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Being with Oscar also required being okay with the fame and spotlight that came with dating an athlete in the most prestigious category of motorsports— Formula One.
You adored watching your boyfriend race— even more when he had a good result, but you were always there for him, comforting and holding and reassuring him when he didn't do quite as well, too.
Today was the day Oscar had been looking forward to with excitement for at least a month now. He was going to be awarded his second Rookie of the Year award at the FIA prize giving tonight. He had received his first one in 2021 when he was still a rookie in F2 and not driving for one of the most prestigious teams in Formula One.
However this year was the first time he'd bring you as his date because unfortunately you'd been way too busy with working to get your degree to even take a few days off for his first award. You didn't usually go to these kinds of events with Oscar. It wasn't like you needed to be attached at the hip to still be a loving couple with a healthy relationship. He could do things without you and you could do things without him.
That didn't mean that you didn't care about the other's career, though. In fact, it was quite the opposite actually. Oscar had instantly been one of your biggest supporters when you'd finally decided on what you wanted to study. Your boyfriend had helped you through exams and countless late night study sessions, just like you'd always supported his passion for racing through highs and lows.
Now this was different. Today you'd spent hours getting ready. Redoing your hair and make-up over and over again, criticizing your appearance in the mirror until you looked presentable. Getting dressed had been even worse. One dress you tried just looked like a potato sack on you, the next had you picking and pinching the fabric in front of the full length mirror in the bedroom with a scrutinizing gaze.
Oscar had been a silent presence in the doorway as he watched you stare at yourself like that until he'd slowly gone and hugged you gently, hoping it would make you feel better about whatever your mind was telling you. Then he'd taken the decision problem off your hands by looking at the dresses in your closet for about a minute and then taking out a very nice dress with navy blue fabric and pretty embroidered flowers. Eventually you'd just gone with that one, knowing you couldn't spend hours trying to fix what didn't really need to be fixed.
The ride in the car afterwards was tense and quiet as your mind wandered. Oscar mentally prepared himself to receive his award while you kept bouncing your leg and picking at your nails. That was until Oscar just took your hand in his and gently let his thumb draw small circles into the skin there, whispering a soft "You'll do great," as he kept one hand on the steering wheel.
When you arrived at the venue, Oscar got out first and walked around to open your car door for you like a real gentleman. As you stepped out of the car, you were both instantly caught in the flickering flashlights of cameras to each side of the entrance and calls of "Oscar! Oscar, here!" from photographers who hoped to catch your boyfriend smiling at their camera.
The onslaught of flashing lights and clamoring voices overwhelmed your senses, made your heart speed up and your mouth go dry as your eyes darted all around. It felt like stepping into a whirlwind of attention and scrutiny, each flash of a camera a reminder of Oscar's world—a world where every move was watched, every word dissected.
You clung to Oscar's hand like a lifeline, trying to navigate the sea of people and paparazzi, your heart pounding like it wanted to run away. Each click that came from the cameras around seemed like a spotlight on every single one of your insecurities, leaving them out for everyone to see and judge.
Your grip on your boyfriend's hand tightened as you felt your breathing speed up a little, seeking solace in the familiar warmth of his skin. He seemed to sense your unease and pulled you a little closer, shielding you from the chaotic scene around. His touch offered reassurance as he guided you through the maze of photographers and flashing lights. The voices calling out faded into the background as he whispered a tender, "I've got you."
As you entered the venue, the atmosphere shifted from the outside frenzy to a more controlled chaos within. The air was thick with anticipation and the buzz of conversations. Oscar led you towards the event hall, his hand a steady anchor in the overwhelming current.
You caught glimpses of familiar faces, fellow drivers and their partners, all effortlessly navigating this world that felt like an alien landscape to you. The weight of inadequacy pressed upon your shoulders, and you couldn't shake the feeling of being an outsider in this world of glamour.
You could feel eyes on you and the pressure seemed almost suffocating. You knew you didn't have that model look the girls that dated Oscar's fellow drivers had, and you'd never really thought of that as something too bad, however surrounded by people who looked so perfect, so unreal, you felt so wrong.
As you took your seats, the crowd's buzz continued, but Oscar's focus remained on you as you started bouncing your leg under the table, your fingers subconsciously picking at your dress' fabric just like earlier in front of the mirror. Leaning in, he murmured, "I'm here. Just be yourself, okay? I'm happy to have you here with me, you know that?"
You gave a short nod in reply, however still kept your fingers intertwined with his under the table as he made conversation with the woman in the seat beside him. His hand felt so warm and reassuring, his skin slightly calloused from years of hard training for a very demanding sport.
Throughout the ceremony, Oscar's gaze periodically met yours, silently offering encouragement through his honey brown eyes, telling you that you were allowed to be here just as much as everyone else. When the moment arrived for him to accept the award, he gave your hand a quick squeeze before stepping onto the stage with a big smile on his face as applause and cheers echoed through the hall. You'd never felt more proud.
After the accolades subsided and the night unfolded, Oscar made a conscious effort to ensure you felt included despite obviously being confused by everything, introducing you to fellow racers and their partners.
A little later in the evening, when people had almost forgotten about the actual reason they were even here, Oscar guided you to a more quiet corner, away from the prying eyes. The genuine concern in his eyes mirrored the unspoken understanding between you. "Are you okay?" he asked, his voice gentle and filled with sincerity.
"It's so overwhelming," you muttered quietly. "There are so many people, so many cameras, the noise... It feels so wrong to be here."
"Hey, don't do that," he scolded you softly, taking your hands in his. "You're allowed here just as much as me. Take a deep breath, okay? We're a team right?"
"Right," you replied with a nod and drew in a shaky breath.
"You're doing wonderful, don't worry. I know you get anxious around so many people, so many eyes," your boyfriend told you in a soft tone of voice and gently pulled you close, brushing his lips against your temple. "I'm just happy you came with me, sweetheart."
In that moment, as Oscar's words wrapped around you like a comforting embrace, you realized that even in the whirlwind of this foreign world, he cherished you and all the love and support you brought into his life.
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HIIIII 😩😩😝😝 lowkey ,,, craving some hcs 😼🥴 of megumi ,,, toge ,,, and yuuta w/ a s/o that likes movie dates 👉👈 possibly 🫶
like ,,, reader usually invites them over for a movie date (bonus points if theyre usually horror 😩😩) and they cuddle and stuff 🥺🥺 just some soft sweet stuff yknow ??
- 🫐 anon <3
Watching movies with the JJK boys
Ft. Megumi, Toge, and Yuuta
________________
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Megumi Fushiguro 🦾
- Megumi may seem reserved, but when it comes to movie dates, he's all in. He never enjoyed going out in public for dates anyway. He appreciates that you take the initiative to invite him over for a movie night.
- His favorite genre may not be horror, but he's willing to watch it with you because he enjoys seeing you get excited. He'll make sure to bring that worn down tortilla blanket that you got him for your first anniversary.
- Megumi isn't too touchy-feely normally, but during the movie, he'll subtly reach out to hold your hand or play with your fingers, letting you know that he's still madly in love with you. At least in his own weird way..
- After the movie, he'd immediately want to criticize the terrible CGI. Opening his mouth to talk up until he notices that there was now a heavy weight on his shoulder. That's when he looked down and noticed that you had fallen asleep on him.
- "Tch." He smirked, eyebrows furrowing, and he reached his hands over to pull you closer to him. "Goodnight goober." He placed a gentle kiss to your hair and remained there for the rest of the night with you. In each other's arms, movie credits playing, and softly mumbling into your hair.
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Toge Inumaki 🔊
- Toge is always up for a movie date with you. He finds it relaxing and a great way to spend quality time together.
- When you invite him over for a movie night, Toge will bring some snacks, including his signature cursed speech bubble-shaped rice crackers. He loves sharing his food with you. (I headcanon that he is...A MASTER IN THE KITCHEN)
- Horror movies may not be his first choice, but he'll watch them with you because he wants to make you happy. But also because he wanted to finally watch the Saw series. His friends have been telling him to watch that for ages now.
- He'll occasionally cover his eyes during the scary parts but will peek through his fingers to see your reactions. (He just doesn't really enjoy the gory parts.)
- Toge doesn't express his affection through real words due to obvious reasons, but he shows it through his actions because he knows you can barely understand his 'sushi talk', as you call it. So he just sticks to having a single hand on your thigh, gently squeezing it at times.
- He'll cuddle up close to you and wrap his arm around your waist when the movie ends. Softly breathing into your neck.
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Yuuta Okkotsu 🗡️
- Yuuta is THRILLED whenever you invite him over for a movie date. He loves spending time with you and sees it as an opportunity to relax and unwind.
- Horror movies are right up his alley, surprisingly. And he's more than happy to indulge in them with you. He'll even bring a selection of his favorite horror films to choose from.
- During the movie, Yuuta will sit close to you and occasionally rest his head on your shoulder or lap. He finds comfort and solace in your presence.
- After the movie, Yuuta will excitedly talk about his favorite parts, jump scares, or plot twists. He enjoys discussing the movie and hearing your thoughts. You can both stay up late into the night, exchanging theories and sharing your love for the genre.
________________
AN: (HI 🫐, MY FIRST POST. YAY. HOPEFULLY YOU LIKE THIS. I DIDN'T WRITE MUCH FOR YUUTA BECAUSE I COULDN'T THINK OF ANY MORE DETAILS. ILY)
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oleander-nin · 3 months
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Yandere ROTTMNT Vampire Headcanons
A/N, not important: I am so sorry this is so late. I haven't been doing very well lately. I have one more vampire thing in the works, and I'm also going to start getting as many of my requests done as possible. Feel free to ask questions if you need clarification or want a certain thing answered. Any criticism is welcome, constructive or not. This is supposed to be a gender neutral reader, so if I screwed up somewhere, please tell me.
-Ollie
CW: Food insecurity, withholding of food, vampires, bites, dark themes, violence, yandere
Words: 1696
Summary: Yandere ROTTMNT Vampire Headcanons
Tag list: @f1oricide @itsyagurlchip @lordfreg @acutiewithagun @rottmnttmnt2012 @lixnininotnay
Michelangelo:
Mikey tries to hide it from you for a while, mostly because he doesn’t want you to be aware of his added abilities. He thinks it’s just funny now when you try to plot an escape or fight back, since now you really have no chance. Most likely, you never even realized he was a vampire until he first sinks his fangs in your wrist.
He thinks biting you is like, subtly romantic since you’re more or less blessing him with your blood. You’re allowing him to live off your own life, and it just pulls him further into his delusions of love. Obviously you’d fight back harder if you truly hated him. I mean, so far, he only has to chain you down!
Mikey will constantly talk about your future with him. Now that he’s going to live forever, he knows he actually means it when he says he’s never leaving your side. He’ll track down the original mutant to get them to infect you, ensuring that you’ll be with him until the sun goes out. He’s absolutely giddy at the thought, updating you every day on his hunt for the mutant until he finds them.
Before he can infect you, he’s even clingier than before. His skin always feels cold now, so he’s drawn to your natural warmth and just likes to be near you.
Watches you sleep a lot as he lays with you. Now that he can see in the dark, he doesn’t want to waste a single moment where he could be admiring you.
Once he finally turns you, he’s ecstatic. His only grief is that he can’t feed from you any more, but he’s plenty happy with the certainty you’ll never be able to leave him.
If you complain about being turned, he’ll get upset. He did this for you! He ensured both of you would be together forever more, and now you’re being ungrateful. He’ll pout for a while, trying to convince you of all the ways your life is better now.
He’ll withhold blood from you if you misbehave. Because you obviously can’t hunt yourself, you rely on Mikey to get you your food. If he thinks you’re being unfair, or aren’t listening, he’ll conveniently ‘forget’ to get enough food to feed you as well.
He gets surprised when you fight back more after being turned, your enhanced strength and speed making him question his choice for a small while. He doesn’t like that you have a better chance of leaving now. He obviously wins, but he’s afraid he’ll slip up and you’ll get away. He keeps you chained tighter for a while, at least until you’ve calmed down. No matter how long that takes.
Donatello:
He doesn’t tell you of his new infection, but he doesn’t hide it either. It’s just another mutation to him, one that’s more beneficial in a lot of ways once he realizes how much more he can do. He doesn’t really see why he should tell you, especially when you’re fighting him at every turn anyways. You’ll probably find out after seeing him storing blood bags in the fridge in his lab, which causes you to freak out.
Once you’re aware he’s a vampire, he’ll start feeding off you more since he finds it more convenient than going out. He likes holding you and just sinking his teeth into your shoulder while he works. It keeps you both still and close, and it prevents him from having to find his own food. He claims the prolonged contact helps you both bond whenever you try to fight him.
Donnie is obsessed with getting you infected as well. He’s terrified of losing you somehow now that he knows he doesn’t ever have to. He’ll hunt down the original mutant to get you bit, not even telling you of his plan until you’re already bit. He doesn’t want to give you a chance to try something stupid before he’s able to secure your place by his side, even if he knows he won’t be able to feed on you anymore.
He has two new punishments for you now that you joined him in the undead. While he isn’t afraid to withhold blood from you for misbehaving, he’s more likely to either force feed you normal food, which tastes awful and can make you nauseous, or he’ll only give you human blood. Both options leave you paranoid with the blood/food he gives you. If you ever try to refuse what he gives you, he’s not afraid to force it down your throat himself.
Threatens to give you blood from your family or friends if you continue to try and cause problems. While he wouldn’t ever really want to actually give you blood from a loved one, he’s not above lying and telling you the blood you're drinking is from them.
The new strength and speed you gain from being turned makes Donnie paranoid. Theoretically, you now have a better chance at escaping. To negate this problem, Donnie makes you wrist and ankle weights to slow you down. At least, until you give him a reason to slow you down permanently.
Raphael:
Raph only feeds off you when he’s too tired to go find his own food. He’s paranoid he’ll drain you, even when his brothers insist it’s impossible. He doesn’t see a reason to feed off you when he has a supply of animal blood at the ready. The difference in taste isn’t a big thing to him, and he doesn’t mind having to find his own food while he’s out. The sewers have plenty of small critters living around.
He’s terrified of hurting you. Raph knows he’s strong, and he’s not always the most sure footed because of his large size. When he accidentally hurt you before, he would coddle you for weeks, but now that he’s nearly twice as strong normally? He knows he’s going to have a lot of accidents, so he practically babies you until he’s adjusted to his new strength. He doesn’t care how suffocating you say he’s being, he refuses to let you be hurt when you don’t need to be.
Waits till you're older to turn you. He wants you to stay human for as long as possible. While he knows turning you would be beneficial as you’d be less likely to get hurt, he doesn’t like the idea of taking your humanity until he has to. Refuses to argue about turning you when he finally does. He mentions it once and doesn’t care how much you protest. He’s let you stay human for years longer than needed. You should be thanking him in his eyes.
Likes to hold you a lot more. He’ll keep you in his arms as he moves from room to room, or be cuddling you whenever you’re both alone. Having you with him forever makes him so happy, and he doesn’t want any time to go by without you feeling loved, or how he perceives loving you anyways.
Hates you when leave his sight. Now that you’re faster and stronger, he’s afraid you’ll do something stupid and try to run. He sees keeping you near him as him protecting you from yourself.
Doesn’t let up on his protective behavior, even though you’re now tougher. He’s not taking any chances with you and your safety. Any plea to leave and go outside is instantly shut down. You’re no longer human, you don’t need to go up top anymore. Your place is with him, forever.
Leonardo:
He doesn’t tell you until he feels it’ll help him. He likes having the extra strength you won’t know about, at least until telling you benefits him. If you’re throwing a fit or have refused to talk to him for a while, he’ll flash his fangs and threaten to drain you until you pass out. After you know, he’ll constantly remind you of his heightened senses and strength. He doesn’t want you to forget how hard it will be to ever leave his side.
Is always a bit worried he’ll get too rough with you and hurt you more than he means to. His upgraded strength makes him more confident, but he doesn’t always remember how much strength he gained. Even as he teases you, he’s hesitant to actually try and mess with you in case he goes too far.
Dry bites a lot. He likes just sinking his fangs in your shoulder while he holds you close, liking the fact you’ll have the imprint of his teeth in your skin for a while. He doesn’t like to feed from you, since it makes him feel like a parasite, but he likes to see the faces you make when he touches the holes his teeth made in your skin.
Waits a while to turn you, mostly because he knows you’ll be able to run faster if you ever do get away. Before he turns you, he’ll start keeping you locked away more. He’ll have you turned while you’re asleep so you don’t even know what happened. In Leo’s opinion, the less you know about this, the better.
He’s ecstatic now that you’re going to be by his side forever. His worst nightmare was losing you, and now he’ll never have to worry about that again. You don’t have to worry about most diseases, death, or being alone now that you have him. Leo treats turning you like a huge favor, ignoring the fact he knows you never wanted it. He plays off hiding it like it was a surprise.
Pretty much solely feeds you animal blood at first, only giving you human if he feels you’re acting out too much. He doesn’t tell you of the change, but he knows it tastes different, and you do too. He doesn’t want to mess with your food too much, since blood is now the only thing you can consume.
If you ever do escape, he’ll probably go straight to an extreme now. You’re stronger, and you're more agile due to the mutation, which makes you harder to contain. He’s not willing to lose you, even if it means hurting you.
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heartpascal · 1 year
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late spring . . .
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▹ — joel miller x f!reader
▹ — summary: you and joel didn’t exactly see eye to eye, but things have started to change, at least for you. [2.2K words]
▹ — a/n: ok so this is like. one of the first joel things i’ve ever written!!! pls go easy on me <3 i also never really write one shots so this is pretty new to me! i do also plan to take requests so if you have one, feel free to do so!
▹ — warnings: blood, injury (reader), mention of alcohol (to clean wounds), r + joel hated each other (kinda. not really), haters to luverrrrs except not much actually happens except for them being soft
masterlist
∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘
Remembering the old world is not something you enjoyed doing. In fact, you did your damned best to completely avoid it; tuning out of any conversations involving it, averting your eyes when people traded rare items belonging to it, even holding your breath when your nose caught something nostalgic. It was the reason why you had avoided any semblance of feeling for the first eighteen years of the new world.
That all changed when a certain Joel Miller entered your life, of course. He was closed off, distant, even rude toward you. That was to start with, anyway, before the softened features and the slightest turn of the corner of his mouth.
He had been everything you tried to be, with much stronger willpower. It took Joel much longer to warm up to you, than it did for you to him. But how could you help yourself? Quiet nights punctuated with his annoying snores, the way his brow lifted when certain music played through the radio, the tone of voice he used when speaking to his brother… it revealed something you never expected: humanity.
At first, you hated it.
Which definitely showed, your snarky comments towards Joel making his face scrunch up in annoyance. The subtle jabs about him and his rash behaviour made him glare in your direction. There were times where the only thing stopping him from kicking you out, was Tess.
But much like your harsh expression and nasty comments, the heart inside your chest softened over time. The sheets of ice that had kept it unmoving for years melted away, a warmth that you could only imagine was Joel became ever present.
Your behaviour towards him changed, and instead of providing him with a rude remark, you smiled and thanked him when he passed you what you needed. When he asked you to fix the radio, you did it with no other prompting. The scowl that used to face him every day was gone, replaced by that stupidly soft expression.
Joel hated it. He would take your critical comments and frustrated expression over… this, any day. There was some part of him that enjoyed seeing your softened eyes, that got warm when your lips turned upwards, and he couldn’t understand why.
Ever since the day he met you, something about you just aggravated him. And when you’d gone out of your way to be rude towards him? Well that was all the excuse he’d needed to throw the same treatment back in your face. He’d started to gain satisfaction when you would roll your eyes at his smart comments. But now, there was the slightest tilt to your lips when you’d roll your eyes.
When he’d asked you to fix the radio, begrudgingly, he’d add — he was so tempted to try and do it himself, but as Tess reminded him, they couldn’t afford to lose such a vital piece of equipment — you had nodded at him, and made a start. Unscrewing the screws that held it together, then pulling apart the casing to see inside, you put your full concentration on the task at hand.
Joel didn’t get it, couldn’t. Usually you’d be screwing with him, mocking him for his inability to do it himself, but you just sat and worked away, barely noticing his continued presence.
Your shoulders slumped, and Joel narrowed his eyes at you. “What?” He asked.
“I need some new parts,” you sighed out, looking at the parts inside the radio which had decayed past saving. You knew this day was coming — had seen the rotting insides of the machine the last time you had to fix it. You knew where to get the parts, you just weren’t happy with it. You’d hoped you would have enough time to find somebody else — anybody else. “I’ll be back.” You told him, pushing away from the partially disassembled radio.
“Y’need me to go?” Joel asked, though he was unsure what prompted him to do so.
“Nah, it’s fine.” you replied, smiling tightly towards him and shrugging on your jacket, before turning to the door and heading out.
∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘
Selfishly, you really regretted not letting Joel go.
Like, really regretted it. Putting weight on your right leg made you want to keel over, but you limped all the way up to the apartment you shared with Joel and Tess. Your face was aching, throbbing and still dripping with blood, though a lot of it had begun to dry, crusting over your skin.
“Ah, shit.” You huffed, the door locked when you tried to open it. You really should’ve let Joel go — because you didn’t have your key in the pocket of your jacket like you thought you had. With an annoyed sigh, you. started banging the side of your fist against the door, wincing when your skin pulled tight on your split knuckles. “For fuck’s sake— Joel!” You yelled, continuing your assault on the decaying wooden door.
“What?” snapped Joel, the second he opened it.
You ignored him, shoving your way past him with much difficulty and limping into the apartment, dropping down on the chair in front of the radio that remained exactly the way you left it.
He slammed the door shut, rolling his eyes and finding the sigh he was about to release got stuck in his throat. His eyes scanned your entire body, the way you now favoured your left leg, and cradled the hand you’d used to knock with your other one. Finally, Joel looked at your face, his brow settled long down over his eyes as he saw the way your face had swelled up, the blood that was still wet out of your nose, and the dried red that surrounded a cut on your forehead.
“Shit, what happened?” Joel questioned, approaching you quickly and pulling you up to face him with his hand on your jaw.
“Fuckin’—” you winced as he tilted your head up to look at the damage to your nose, “Prick with the parts for the radio. Tried to pull a fast one on me, had his guys jump me.”
Joel stepped away to grab the alcohol resting on the counter on the opposite side of the room, grabbing a the rag that was settled beside it for situations just like this one. When he turned back around, you held your hand out triumphantly, small silver parts rolling around your palm.
“Didn’t work,” you said, victoriously.
He couldn’t help but huff out a surprised laugh, which shocked you almost as much as it did him. Shaking his head, he kneeled in front of you, pouring a bit of the alcohol onto the red rag, before he held it up to your face and started cleaning the slice on your forehead.
“‘Course it didn’t,” Joel muttered in the quiet between you both, “What’s the guy’s name?” He didn’t look in your eyes as he asked, focused on your wounds, but he could feel the intense gaze you kept on his face as he worked.
“Benny.” You told him, eyes flickering across the wrinkles that had steadily been growing deeper over the time you’ve known him.
“That guy?” Joel inquired, voice incredulous. His eyebrows raised, and he finally looked you in the face. “Why didn’t you ask me to come with you? You know Benny’s got a reputation.”
“So have you, Joel,” you reminded him, “Besides, I handled it, didn’t I?” You tilted your head at him, as if daring him to refute that fact.
“Yeah, and look at where that handling has gotten you!” replied Joel, a scowl coming back to his features at how you didn’t understand he was just trying to protect you, as much as you annoyed him.
“I am looking! I’m home, isn’t that all that matters?” you retorted, a scowl crossing your face to match the one on Joel’s own. Your annoyance with him increased, and you turned to face the radio to begin working.
Your knuckles bled more as you stretched your hands, wincing before you gathered the parts you’d been through hell to get in a line by the radio. Just as you were about to reach in and start removing the broken parts inside the machine, Joel snatched your hands back, muttering under his breath about how annoying you were as he cleaned the torn skin over the back of your hand.
“These are bad,” he commented, eyes flicking up to survey your expression before returning to your hand, “How many were there?”
“Three, four,” you said, cringing as he poured some more alcohol onto the cloth and dabbed it against your knuckles. “Not enough to beat me.” You added on with a smile.
“What happened to your leg?”
“Dislocated knee.”
He nodded, a small frown on his face. He knew that kind of pain, and he knew it wasn’t pleasant. The fact you’d made it all the way back here on that was honestly pretty impressive. Clearly, from the way you found it difficult to get it into a somewhat comfortable position, it wasn’t without consequences. You’d likely aggravated it by using it so much after the tendons and ligaments were likely damaged.
“I would’ve come with you.” Joel said, still staring at your hand which he held within his despite the fact there was nothing left to clean off or disinfect.
You swallowed harshly at his words, feeling suddenly nervous in his presence. He’d never said something to you so… softly. Without any of the usual bite his words retained.
“I know,” you replied, softer, eyes falling to your hand against his. “You’re a good man like that.”
“Nothing good about me.”
“This seems pretty good to me.” You said, the hand that had gone completely still and limp whilst he was cleaning now moving to squeeze his hand. It hurt, pulling the skin taut where it was already torn, but it felt worth it to you.
His eyes moved to your face, eyebrows creased in the middle as he stared in confusion at you. Where were your harsh words? Your critical remarks? The glare you had always shown him? He knew something had changed over the past few weeks, but he had no idea what. Maybe he didn’t hate these soft looks and words as much as he thought.
Joel pulled away, and you put your hands back to the radio on the counter, finally working on it once more. You were silent as you removed the scrapped parts and added the newer ones in, but he could practically hear the gears turning in your head.
He stayed in the room while you finished working, which wasn’t totally unusual, his eyes following your movements every so often. He perked up when you finally turned the radio back on, and he heard the regular static crackle before the sound of an old station started playing.
With a huff of victory, you screwed the external casing back together and finally tweaked the settings to ensure you’d receive the music sent by Bill and Frank.
It was when you tried to stand that you realised the extent of your knee injury, as you quickly sat back down, muttering, “Fuck.”
Joel was by your side in a second, hand against your shoulder as he crouched by your side. “Worse than you thought?”
“Just a bit, yeah.” You replied, but you could barely move it now without pain. You sucked in a harsh breath, hand going to lean against Joel as you stood up once more, this time putting your weight on your good leg. Once you were upright, Joel stood back up to his full height, hands outstretched like he was expecting you to fall at any moment.
“C’mon,” he sighed, pulling your arm around his shoulder, “You need to rest it, couch or bed?” He asked, though he was already pulling you in the direction of the bedroom, taking the full weight off of your bad leg with every other step.
“You’re being nice to me,” you noted, a hint of amusement in your words. “Thanks, Joel.”
“Yeah, yeah. You’re welcome.” He responded gruffly, eyes softened by the smile he could see on your face from the corner of his eye.
After he’d taken you to lay down, Joel sat in the living room area for the rest of the night, ears tuning into the radio which played general music, nothing from the code for him to worry about. And as he listened to the song play with that familiar slight crackle, he shook his head, doing his best to reject the smile that tried to slide on to his face.
“You look happy.” said Tess, walking in after an extremely long day gathering resources. “Radio fixed?”
“Yeah, all good now.”
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elipri · 1 month
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My maybe unpopular opinion is that Damian and Anyas dynamic shouldn't change in significant ways until Anya actually views Damian as a genuine friend and not a shiny prize. Because at this point her motivation isn't exactly better than all the other girls' and Damian can probably sense that, it's just that he can't figure out her why.
This post is based on a pretty interesting discussion in a DA server I'm in where some fellow fans have criticized Endo's writing, mainly because there wasn't as much impact after the bus arc as people expected (which is ofc valid crit). I just want to share what I wrote:
Late to the whole convo, but I lightly disagree that the da dynamic didn't change *at all*, however it does seem as though there wasn't as much impact from the bus arc as hoped. However, we did get some subtle shifts that should be noteworthy, namely Damian actually getting jealous and shivering at the mere *thought* of Anya getting "stolen" from him. This has never happened prior to the bus arc and is now a recurring development. That and Becky now teasing Damian in addition to cheering on Anya, especially when comparing her very open hostility towards him earlier in the story. Not only is she friendly to him now, it seems like she has seen through his crush too. I don't think that Endo will change the dynamics too much anytime soon, especially because of how little time has passed in the sxf universe. Keep in mind that damian doesn't really have a proper role model who actively helps him unlearn the toxic mindset he quite literally grew up with; the closest he'd get is his mother wishing for him to be friends with Anya too, but that is only something he heard from Jeeves and not Melinda herself. But he definitely was reflecting on that in the cake chapter. I also think that Damian is in his "I'm too grown-up for this kiddie shit" phase, he probably thinks he's better than *everyone else*, not just Anya (like him scoffing at Bill). He really doesn't want to dance with anyone and is just annoyed with all this attention imo. But he's also jealous and doesn't want Anya to dance with anyone else, but ofc won't actually admit that because he's a brat. He's just a kid with many Big Feelings™ going on that he doesn't understand and doesn't even get the privacy to unpack, so ofc he's lashing out and acting even worse than usual. I wouldn't be surprised if he just runs away in the next chapter because he's just so fed up with everything and everyone. I feel like us fans keep forgetting that Damians boundaries are straight up being pushed if not disrespected, he's been saying multiple times that he doesn't want to dance and literally everyone is ignoring him as a person with feelings (except his friends who probs set the competition up in order to reject everyone on his behalf) Nobody but his two best friends actually care about his feelings on this whole matter, he's just a shiny prize to everyone else *including* Anya.
Anyway I think Endo is saving the big dynamic change for something far more significant such as the telepathy reveal 👀
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violet-butterflies · 8 months
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❥︎ yandere! Theater Actor
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❥︎ Warnings ! ☞︎︎︎ Abuse of power, Mentions of murder, Slight mentions of workplace bullying ( male yandere! oc x gn reader )
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You first met yandere! Theater Actor when you first joined the theater troupe. yandere! Theater Actor was the most senior and respected actor in the troupe and everyone loved his charismatic and caring personality. He was also very creative and has natural gift of being a leader.
As a rookie, you felt eager to prove yourself but you can't help but feel overwhelmed when you went into your first script-reading session with all the other actors. You quickly felt overwhelmed and nervous with your abilities when you were now actually working as a member of a theater troupe that you looked up to despite only holding a small role in the whole production.
However, yandere! Theater Actor kept giving you compliments and a satisfied smile whenever you said your lines.
"Mmm. That's pretty good! I'm sure you'll do great" he would comment after you said your lines or in breaks.
It was no surprise to anyone that yandere! Theater Actor landed the main role in the production and was even an influential voice in the creative direction of the whole production. He was so cool! You can't help but look up at him as a role model and someone you aspired to be.
You didn't expect a thing when he kept voicing out constructive criticisms and compliments when the production began during the on-stage rehearsals. He was even asking for your opinion on what he could improve in the play! You only thought of it as yandere! Theater Actor looking out for the new kid so they'd adapt and fit in with the group.
"y/n That was so good! I can tell that you have been practicing! Keep it up and you'd be my favourite troupe member!"
"Hm... I think you could do better in scene 14. I mean you're already doing great but I think it wouldn't hurt if your tone was a bit more melodic when you call my role's name out..."
"Hey, y/n? Do you think this should be turquoise or violet? I can't decide and I think your opinions would really help."
'He was such a nice guy!' you thought. He really values everyone's opinion on the production!
Even as the days passed, you'd always find yourself within yandere! Theater Actor's presence. Not only that, you'd always get little treats from him in between breaks to having dinner with him after rehearsals. Even the crew began to tease you on how much you were doted on by yandere! Theater Actor. Most people thought it was cute except for the other person who was acting as the other lead and the romantic interest in the production. After all, yandere! Theater Actor was supposed to hang out with them more to build chemistry between the actors! Why is he hanging out with some random side role anyway?
It was clear that the other lead actor was jealous and did not like you but they'd never do anything too serious. What they'd usually do to you would be sending out cold and rude remarks or criticize your acting. However most of the time it would mostly consist of them ignoring your whole existence. It hurt your feelings in the beginning and you'd have your mood ruined for the whole day. Now, though, you learnt to just ignore it.
Someone else though, took notice and thought that it was about time that he took action into his own hands.
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It was the middle of the production when yandere! Theater Actor arrived late to work. It was the first time ever that the respected actor was late to any rehearsal so people really began worrying about him. However, after noticing that the other lead who played the romantic interest was late too, people began thinking that the two were late because they hooked up the night before. Not too surprising to anyone else but you really since apparently whenever a production happened, those two would always be each other's romantic interest. Maybe this time they fell in love with who they are as a person and not as someone else.
"Gosh sorry for being late! I had to deal with a huge inconvenience!" yandere! Theater Actor a whole two hours later. People began asking him about the whereabouts of the other lead who still has not shown up, expecting that the two would show up together. But to their dismay, yandere! Theater Actor only simply shrugged his shoulders before dismissing the whole situation.
"I'm sure they're ok. Maybe they went down with the common cold and are passed out at home!" yandere! Theater Actor assured before going right by your side and slinging his arm over your shoulder. The rest of the crew then began rehearsals feeling a little bit more assured.
For the rest of the rehearsal, yandere! Theater Actor insisted that you took the place of the missing lead and be the romantic interest instead; which you blatantly rejected before yandere! Theater Actor convinced the whole crew to encourage you to do it.
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You thought that you'd only be replacing the other leads place for that day until terrible news began to spread on the set.
The whole atmosphere was gloomy and sad when you showed up to rehearsal the next day. You were ready to go back to acting as a little old side character since it was way less pressure for you to handle and you had genuinely connected to your character.
"The other lead... They were brutally murdered," yandere! Theater Actor broke the news since no one dared to say anything. Your heart dropped alongside your mood. What the fuck even are the odds? You didn't like them but you didn't want them to die.
"I know this isn't the time to ask about this but... what's gonna happen to the production?" one of the crew members meekly asked. The mood seemed to drop even more. It was already mid-production and there had been too much money invested on the whole thing to cancel it. But with one of the crew that played a major role suddenly passing away like that, it would be difficult to find a replacement as soon as possible.
"Well... why don't y/n do it?" yandere! Theater Actor suggested. In an instant, all eyes were on him. Your eyes went wide as you tried to find every excuse to reject it. This is your first even production! You don't have the balls to take on such a big role yet!
Your pleas went on deaf ears though due to the sheer influence yandere! Theater Actor had over the whole crew. Everyone respected him too much. After all, if yandere! Theater Actor was the one suggesting the idea, it must be the best course of action, right? See, even the director agrees!
Eventually, you were forced to take on the role. But don't worry though, yandere! Theater Actor will make sure to give you extra rehearsal after the main one! It doesn't even have to be in the empty theater after everyone left if that scared you too much. He can always to extra practice with you at your own house or even at his!
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"Oh, Jericho... How I love you so," you said with as much love in your voice as a used script book was on your other hand. yandere! Theater Actor looked at you with so much love present in his eyes. One of his hands was holding yours as he stood right in front of you. His other hand was on your hips.
The two of you were on a dark stage after everyone had gone home for the day.
"Words can't even begin to express how much love is in my heart," yandere! Theater Actor lovingly sighed as he then puts his forehead on yours, "The world's seas can't even complete with the amount of love I feel for you. The world's most beautiful sunset can't even begin to compete on how beautiful this love is between us."
"Neither can I, Jericho..." You then quickly glanced at the script to see what happens next. Next was an intimate kiss that is shared between the two lovers. You honestly didn't really feel comfortable with doing this yet. You've never even had your first kiss before. yandere! Theater Actor noticed your hesitance instantly.
"What's wrong?" he asked in a weirdly intimate tone as he laced your fingers in between his.
"I... I don't know... Sorry for being so unprofessional," you apologized and was about to pull away to regain your composure. yandere! Theater Actor kept his grip on you though as the hand that was on your hips quickly moved to your cheek.
"Don't worry about it. Here, I'll help you," he assured before giving you the most intimate kiss known to man. You could feel the amount of passion behind it as you tried to keep up. You can't help but think to yourself about how cool yandere! Theater Actor is to be able to synchronize himself completely to the role he was playing.
yandere! Theater Actor, on the other hand, was on could nine. Breaking into his past lead role's house and brutally taking care of them was so worth it if he gets to make you play his romantic interest.
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A/N I might make a part 2 of this one idk. Anyways maybe I should start coming up with names... But I'm indecisive so here's a poll! I'll then refer to yandere! Theater Actor with that name when a part 2 comes out. (or when someone requests me to make something with him in it)
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weebsinstash · 10 months
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Ok so tmi (on the tmi blog lol) but the first day of my Cycle I had a dream that I had just given birth and I was holding my baby and I was goddamn euphoric even though the logical part of me was like “???? I am 22 and broke i CANNOT have a baby rn” and I woke up crying and called my friends like I WANNA HAVE A BAAAAAABYYYYY I WANT A BAAAAAAABYYYYYYYY so basically. Imagine. Miguel catches you in a moment of weakness. And he NEVER. FUCKING. FORGETS IT.
Oh wow girlie those period hormones grabbed you by the uterus and absolutely REFUSED to let go
NO BUT FOR REAL don't look at me but I've been thinking of a concerning number of ideas where it's like, "Reader suddenly realizes they may want a baby and is actually putting serious thought into it and Miguel finds out (bet your ass Peter B tells him, i can see him as a "well intentioned" platonic guardian/mentor figure who sells you out to Miguel the second he thinks you're doing something risky or he thinks it's for your own good) and Miguel starts making all these plans and preparations behind your back to have a baby with you" and obviously I like the extra juicy option of "he found out you got extremely depressed and tied your tubes or something because you either see no point in you having a kid/think it's too late, OR, Miguel was the only person you were looking at as a potential father and you either decide it wouldn't work out or he does something to hurt you and you lose trust in him" so like, the double whammy combo of him being hit with the news you basically walled off your fertility that he's kinda fantasizing about AND you blame him for it
You see him chokeslam Miles on the train and having all these serious anger and stress issues and you're like "hmmmm don't like that" and basically make the tubal ligation appointment that week (but, you know, he'll either interfere before you can actually get it or even reverse it later on)
Like. Ugh I'm not sure if I should go super into detail bc I feel like I want to put this scene in the YouTwo fic or in a different idea i have thats more centered around motherhood, but, picture he catches you in his monitor room one day after you've lost your home dimension, you're having a little more than just a small identity crisis, and he catches you having Lyla show you the model for your life, or what the algorithm had predicted your life was supposed to be like before your universe just magically poofed away. You're just staring at these holograms with tears running down your face and he occasionally catches you starting to reach out like you want to touch what you see. He comes to stop you because he already knows all too well where this could lead, you can't become tempted to break canon and go somewhere else, but you beg him to let you watch just a little longer
"I was supposed to get MARRIED! I was supposed to have a BABY! I was supposed to have a family!! It's not fair!!"
And he's in total agreement with you because, who even fucking knows why your universe suddenly destabilized and vanished. He sees you as this person who has so much promise and potential who had their destiny and future literally snatched away from them and now you're lost and confused on what you're supposed to do, like really he totally understands why you feel so aimless. But watching these holograms is like torturing yourself, and he goes to stop you when you just keep crying because this is basically sending you into a critical mental health episode
"Someone was supposed to fall in love with me... we were supposed to have a baby... would I have been a good mom? Would I have had a boy or a girl? Cant you at least let me find out what my daughter's name would have been?"
And it's like NOOOO you can't hit him with the daughter card, don't you see what you've DONE!!! Gets him right in the heart. Now he's got this massive soft spot for you, bigger than it already was anyways, and he can tell over time you're just really starting to, grieve the future you were supposed to have, falling into a depression. Peter B is hanging around with Mayday like he usually does as both men can tell you're really staring at his baby today and he offers to teach you how to hold her. you're standing there misty eyed twirling one of her little curls around your finger as her dad starts volunteering information to you, "you know she's about XYZ months old now, they aren't really talking yet at this age but they're really curious about their surroundings and--"
Miguel watches as you start talking about children and suddenly get this really really tortured expression and just say "it's not meant to happen" and or some combination of "it's too late for me" and gives him his baby back a little too quickly in typical "I am clearly leaving the room to go cry" fashion. Meanwhile Peter B is like 38 wondering why you think you're out of time or it's not supposed to happen
Miguel's working one day and Peter is trying to shove his phone in his face, "you know I think this is one of the BEST photos of Mayday I've ever taken, she's looking so cute here, you just GOTTA see it" and Pete just won't let up and Miguel finally looks just to humor him because the man is being unusually annoying and, it's a photo of Mayday, duh, but being held by you, and you're clearly looking down at her with watering eyes and the smallest little smile that says "I'll die for you" and Peter is just all 😏 as Miguel is 'suddenly' interested in the photo. "That's a really good photo of MAYDAY, right? 😏 I figured you would like it, that photo of MAYDAY 😏" and Miguel is just grumbling and grouchy bc he sees what this guy is tryna do, but he's still like ".... send it to me later, I'm trying to work right now"
It's even worse if you're a member of his strike force because you're constantly around him, Peter B, and Jess. Miguel just, idly wondering where you are and deciding to walk around a little bit and eventually finds that you're having some sort of conversation with Peter B and Jess and he can tell you look really weepy as the other woman invites you to feel her baby kicking, like, you could not more obviously be developing baby fever, and you ARE around that age, and ESPECIALLY if you live in Nueva York because it's like, YEAH you're still a Spider and YEAH you help the Society with stuff but. Your home universe is gone, your canon is gone, you're kind of. Free as a bird really? But you're also scared because, if someone was destined to love you, does that mean it technically isn't meant to be to fall for anyone else? You can't exactly hook up with people at the Spider Society because of canon or them already having relationships, and you don't exactly have identifying documents if you wanted to try and adopt
I think it'd really reach a stressful breaking point if you and the strike force go to another universe to fight an anomaly and Miguel catches you staring out into the crowd of people you just saved and he sees what youre looking at instantly and his heart sinks. Another you, another normal you, never bitten by a Spider, is standing there with her husband and her little sputtering baby, and he has to all but drag you away as you cry "it's not fair, it's not fair, why does SHE get a normal life!!"
Sidebar for a moment, I think that's probably also one thing that would be so INFURIATING about the doppelganger stealing your life story because THEY have a home universe and YOU don't. They take your life, they take literally everything you have left, your friends, your sense of community, your literal purpose. I've already decided on YTs motivations but could you imagine you finding out YouTwo actually has a decent life and maybe even a husband and kid of their own and you're just furious because they're basically abandoning their duties back home not only as a Spider but as a parent/spouse to steal what YOU have? You can't kill them because it would break their canon and kill like countless people but Miguel and the others would def let you beat the shit out of your evil double and get some of your anger out. Like. Jesus could you imagine Miguel kicks you out thinking you're the fake and after you're gone, YouTwo breaks canon and that's what exposes them, or theyre exposed when they eventually take a trip back home and get caught. The Society's regret, the guilt, the anger, just marinate me with the drama
But anyways back to Being Sad and Babycrazy, you go missing one day and Miguel has to decide what to do when he finally tracks your bracelet and you're back in THAT dimension again. He has to physically track you down using your bracelet's signal because you refuse to answer his messages and you're, in the home of the other you while she takes a brief nap, in the nursery, holding her baby. Miguel quietly climbs through the window and you're in a rocking chair and you've got her hugged to your chest and your eyes are closed and you sense him and, obviously cry because you know you have to leave. Unlike with the holograms he doesn't give you any leeway on this, putting his foot down that this has to end here, this cant go on, this is already so dangerous. And, you're good for him and understand, leaving the baby back in its crib as you and Miguel warp away. You're heartbroken but ultimately understanding when he has to disable your watch's ability to visit that specific dimension again, and you're obviously extremely depressed for a while, having multiple Spiders coming to check in on you as word spreads around that you aren't doing well
I can just see Reader becoming kind of desperate because the only options for a baby you really have left is to either 1. get a serious relationship, which you're scared of because you have to trust that person and who can you even pick, you're nervous about breaking canon or something, or 2. Get some random person to impregnate you so you can run off with the baby
Miguel gets a call from Peter B that you went to a bar and you're EXTREMELY wasted as you try to pick someone, ANYONE up and like, you have admirers for sure but there's enough decent people around to keep the creeps in line, clearly you are in a vulnerable state of mind right now, and Miguel gets to tote your drunken ass back home as you drunkenly word vomit all your feelings to him because, unfortunately for you, he has your trust, and you need comfort right now, and you even ask him about what being a parent was like for him. You encouragingly tell him he shouldn't give up if he still wants kids, you trying to be genuinely nice and not trying to imply anything, blubbering about how he deserves to still be happy and he's still got time, and here's Miguel who's practically tracking your cycles at this point, TOTALLY not going to use anything you say to him while you're piss-drunk against you
Especially if you add ABO into the mix and you have a Miguel who's either Alpha/Omega and is already babycrazy af and he sees you literally fucking YEARNING for it, like. You've got a 6'9" Alpha basically looking at you, his poor lil Omega crush, with the big yandere goo goo eyes and how you need all this love and support and stability and how you're in need of a proper husband and of course he's all too willing to volunteer himself for the job. Even if he's too awkward to come right out to you and say it, he'll be thinking in his head and planning behind your back ways to take care of you, keep you away from any drugs/alcohol (no more smoking weed with metro boomin Spiderman, you've gotta detox your body to have a baby! Also, different concept but, Miguel basically keeping you in a bubble to control all your meals and recreational activities and all of that so he can make sure you're perfectly healthy for a baby)
Don't let this man catch you slipping up! Throw you to the Spider Society and you'll come back pregnant 😭 he sees you so depressed and wanting a baby and it's like well, if your life needs new meaning, he can help literally make one for you 😏 he's been feeling protective and nurturing of you anyways, so, it's an extra benefit for him to think of getting to have both you AND a little baby of your very own ❤️
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