#anyway hi hello im back on naruto | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

captnjacksparrow · 2 years

Note

hello! i don’t know how exactly to articulate my thoughts on this matter but i’ll give it a try! this is all just from my own experience and i’m not saying that this is 100% true or accurate.

so, i’ve noticed that sasuke is a highly controversial character. there are people who love and enjoy his character and there are others who hate him and call him an edgy emo boy and what not. usually the ones who dislike him are dudebros who don’t even try to understand sasukes character. they just see the surface and jump to conclusions without even trying to go more in depth. but there are also the hardcore sasuke stans who believe that sasuke was right and that he’s never done anything wrong in his life and that he’s a victim and bla bla bla, im sure you’ve seen already a lot of it.

so my actual thought was this: most hardcore sasuke stans are also huge sns shippers (of course there are some exceptions where hardcore sasuke stans don’t ship him with naruto (or anyone) cause they believe he was manipulative and brainwashed by konoha, but i think this is actually a minority). anyway, i’ve also noticed that many sasusaku shippers actually understand sasukes character (individually!!! not in relation to sakura!!) but then they think that sakura is his best match which is something i don’t understand? i don’t know how to describe it but for example many sns shippers actually get sasukes character but then they misinterpret him because of their own favored sasuke version (that he’s an avenger and a revolutionist). & there are many sasusaku shippers that understand that sasuke deep down is actually someone who just wants love but then they connect that to sakura which again makes no sense to me??? it’s like they understand the essence of his character but they connect that with someone who sasuke never gave a fuck about aka sakura. sasuke was a happy kid who loved being with his brother and spending some quality time with him. naruto was also the person who brought out that lighter, soft side out of him and eventually naruto was the one to save sasuke from his darkness! the point i’m so desperately trying to make here is that while ss stans ship sasusaku i feel like they actually get sasukes character (individually) but then they ship him with sakura? i don’t know if you get what i mean but to me it seems like many ss stans actually understand that sasuke isn’t a revolutionist and a “fuck the system” person but then they ship him with sakura which to me personally makes no sense. cause while they understand his character and his need for love they connect it to someone that sasuke never showed an interest like that to. sns stans also get sasukes character but they see a version of him that sasuke himself actually pretended to be (in reality he wasn’t really an avenger, as seen in haku x zabuza arc where sasuke gave his life to protect naruto, or how kakashi almost got to sasuke after trying to knock some sense into him, or how orochimaru said that naruto was changing his heart etc). sns stans definitely understand sasukes character better i believe (cause they see how naruto is the one person who’s connected to his heart, unlike ss stans who think that that spot is reserved for sakura) but it still confuses me how they want sasuke to be this self-destructive person who is in the darkness, apparently going after some “big revolution”. it also confuses me how ss stans seem to understand sasuke deep down but then believe that sakura is the light of his life and what not. what do you think of this observation that i’ve made? have you noticed something differently or noticed anything regarding that matter? thank you for your time and thank you for running this amazing blog!!

Anon, Are you by any chance can perform a Jutsu like Inoichi who could read the Mind?? LOL... I had this confusion back when I was a newcomer here...

I’ve noticed couple of SS posts (without being aware of it at first), where they got Sasuke’s character right... However they are very very less though.

Even among those garbage posts, there will be some good posts and I started to read one which goes where I yelled... ‘Yes!!!!’ ‘Yess!!!!’ ‘That’s totally right...’ and then in the end of the post they attached Sakura’s name into it... I was like ‘I am totally done with this bullshit’. LOL.

And Yes, I’ve noticed many contradictions among Sasuke stans as you’ve mentioned in this Ask which I will explain more here...

[[Disclaimer : Strong Criticism of Sasuke stans ahead (Not Sasuke, the Character)... Read at your own risk.]]

SASUKE STANS’ HYPOCRISIES AND KISHIMOTO’S TAKE ON SASUKE’S CHARACTER

Stans : SNS and SS fandom are Assholes. They just thirst over Sasuke for his Body and ship him with people who harassed him mentally and physically. I will hunt all those fujoshis and shippers who uses Sasuke like a sex toy. A Real Sasuke fan would never ship him with anyone.

Also Stans : (Scroll down their page) Sasuke fucked Karin....

Also the same Stans : I am writing a fanfiction about Sasuke.... (Sasuke X Reader)....

Me : LOLOL.... Clown... Puhlease... You are no different from those shippers you are accusing of... You don't want your Precious Sasuke-kun to be banged by other characters but you want to bang him by yourself. You are totally a Real Life Sakura. But an extremely horny one at that. STFU!!

Stans: Sasuke was Naruto's just another goal to achieve... That's why he let him go for that atonement Journey alone in Chapter 699. He never cared about him at all.

Also Stans: Sakura chased Sasuke in his Atonement Journey like a Horny Woman. She is too clingy and unhealthily obsessed with Sasuke.

Me : Uhhh??? Can I pick a mirror and show that your Clown Make-Up is wearing off?? This is Hypocrisy to the Max and it’s just showing...

Stans : Naruto and Kakashi has no sensitivity at all. They are taunting/provoking Sasuke using Uchiha Clan's name... A Massacred/Genocided Clan. And in Kage Summit Arc, they were persuading Sasuke to give up on his Revenge (Naruto couldn’t even understand why Sasuke would go for Revenge). After all, what can these fucking Outsiders know about Sasuke's heart??

They bring these panels which should be taken as a Joke but they take it way too serious... Party Poopers of Naruto Fandom indeed!!!

Also Stans : Kakashi and Naruto, despite becoming Hokages, didn't reveal UCM to the Public.

Me: Why would you want these low-level outsiders to meddle with Uchiha Clan justice anyway?? Sasuke could have easily said it out loud and brought Justice to his clan if he wanted to... You don't need N and K at all. If they come in Sasuke's way to prevent him from doing what he wanted to do, he could easily obliterate them... It's as if you guys looooovvvvved Naruto and Kakashi in the beginning but got betrayed by them in the end. Clown!!! You already hate them both and this is just another stupid excuse... That revelation would do more harm to Sasuke than anyone else and you claim that you care about Sasuke.. Hmmph!!

Meanwhile Kishimoto & Itachi:

“Then never tell them! I want the Uchiha clan to maintain it’s honor”

Stans: Itachi is just a minor character who has no existence out of Sasuke's Character Arc. He is overrated just like Sakura. Him becoming good is just a retcon and Kishi had never properly planned on it.

Also Stans: Because of Itachi, Sasuke's character development got drained down. UwUwU...I wish Naruto shouldn't have to follow Itachi's stupid idea of what it means to be an Hokage... Grrrr

Me : Ok Clown!!! You are projecting too much of your Itachi hate onto both Naruto and Sasuke... When in reality Sasuke loved his Brother till the very end and Naruto respected him... If he was just a minor or retconned or overrated character, how come he has such an influence on both N and S (according to you people's own words??)... How come a minor Character on the level of Sakura can affect another Character like Sasuke for 80% of the series???

Just say you hate Itachi and go.

Stans : Itachi was the one who made Sasuke to come to a conclusion that Hate is the only way to obtain Power... Otherwise, Sasuke wouldn't have suffered like this.

Me : Ok, point well made. Kudos. ***Chef's kiss***

Also those Same stans : Sasuke is an Avenger.... An Unstoppable Chaos... He doesn't need saving... And He doesn't need love as those shippers claim themselves to be. He could stand on his own.

Me : So, Your point is??? You blame Itachi for making him this way (which means you yourself acknowledge that Sasuke was suffering)... But also you want Sasuke to continue to be that way... What is the fuck is wrong with you anyway? Which one you want him to be??

Stans : Itachi mindraped Sasuke... He is fucking Stupid.

Also Stans : Sasuke murdering/mindraping Sakura for 10+ hours in a Genjutsu is the best thing Sasuke ever did... Bitch be like using her feelings to stop him from going for his Revolution.

Me : Either say Both are wrong... Or Say Both are Right... How is it that when it comes to your beloved Sasuke-kun, it was an horrible act... But when it comes to Sakura, it is totally Right??? And it was also considered as right when Sasuke put a Genjutsu on Sai for a trivial reason???? I hate Sakura... To my Bone... Am not defending her here but I find this claim to be extremely hypocritic. I know they will say Mindraping about Clan Massacre and Mindraping about Murdering a person for hours are not same. Well, No. In both the process, the receiver experiences excruciating pain both physically, mentally and subconsciously... If I take both of those acts are wrong... At least Itachi cried after doing that to his Brother... Whereas Sasuke felt nothing after putting her in a Genjutsu... Which makes Sasuke to be more of an evil Jerk... (Which he isn't)

My Take : Genjutsu is a Jutsu which is specifically used for mentally ensnaring the opponent rather than using a Physical attack... A Jutsu which was established right from Chapter 4, Bell Test. And basically Genjutsu is the theme of the later part of the Shippuden... And Uchihas are known for their Dojutsu and.... Genjutsu being one of their specialty... WTH???

So, Narrative wise... It's fine for me to be used on anyone... The Only time, I morally condemn Itachi for using Genjutsu is when he manipulated a Girl to distract Jiraiya in Part 1... (If it weren’t for Jiraiya, That Girl would have had an unconsented sex...)

Yes, I wept when Itachi did that to Sasuke by betraying his Trust especially when Sasuke was just a child... But If Sasuke ever put a cruel genjutsu on Naruto... I would still say the same. IT’S JUST A JUTSU... It’s for this precise reason I don’t blame Sasuke for putting a hole in Naruto’s lung in VoTE1 even though I felt angry. Because IT’S THE NATURE OF THAT WORLD.

There is this Sasuke leaning SNS hypocrisy, I don’t understand... When it comes to defending Sasuke ramming Chidori into Naruto... They pull ‘It’s a Ninja World... Of course, they fight in a Gruesome manner.. They use Jutsus using their Chakra’ card... However When it comes to Itachi’s Genjutsu... They pull this ‘Real-World Trauma’ card...

At the end of the Day... Both of the Acts are kind of Harsh Betrayal that stirred Seething Anger inside me... But when I realized the motives behind them, I understood and moved on. That’s what I take from both of these scenes.

Stans : Just One Uchiha made a wrong doing of Releasing Kyuubi... But It's totally wrong to accuse an Entire Clan for that.

Also Stans : Sasuke should've burnt the entire Konoha to the Ground for the suffering they put Sasuke and His Clan through.

Me : So, Based on a single clan member's wrong doing, it's very wrong to blame an entire clan... Yes. True. But Why can't you apply the same logic for Sasuke??. He was clearly told that the people who were responsible for the massacre were Danzo and the Elders. Shouldn't Sasuke also want to kill just the Elders and not the Entire Village who had nothing to do with UCM???

“No, Personally I want to kill every last person in Konoha”

Stans : Sasuke loved and cared so much about his clan... He is the only one to bring justice to his fallen clan.

Also Stans : Kakashi and Danzo are non-Uchiha. Both Outsiders who don’t care about Uchiha Clan... How dare they possess Sharingan... A symbol of Uchiha.?

Me : Yes, If Sasuke cared so much about his clan...

“Trying to forget Uchiha Itachi??”

He didn’t need these low-level minions of Orochimaru to spell it out for him TO PURSUE FOR REVENGE... Sasuke should’ve inherently known it by himself as to where his priority should lie... So, he prioritized something else than his Revenge for his Clan & Family members, Right? What is that ‘Something’ that could go beyond the so-called Love for his clan, I wonder????

And if he definitely cared about Uchiha Clan Honor.....

Sasuke should’ve slaughtered Obito out of all people since he was also a perpetrator behind UCM.... And definitely Sasuke shouldn’t be ignoring all these Eyeballs of his own clan members so casually...

And there are so many panels like this which showed Sasuke’s real motivations... And are those stans going to call all of them as ‘Kishimoto, Sasuke and Itachi were brainwashed by Shonen Jump Editors’... Like for what, 120 Chapters??????

Sasuke, after some point didn't care about his own clan because his revenge on Konoha was mostly for the extreme pain Itachi was put through but discarded him as if he was nothing and Sasuke couldn’t see his precious person was being wasted just like that... Obito never cared about his Clan, neither did Madara... Shisui did but was prevented by Danzo... Itachi had no choice but to take all the burdens and wiped out his clan.

It’s only these Stans care so much about that clan even till the very end.

====

And there are so many times Sasuke stans contradict their own words.... Like Calling Konoha as a Fascist Country but thoroughly ignoring the fact that Sasuke, despite having Good Intentions, in the End also wanted to become a Dictator like Danzo which leads to Fascism....

And when I read these posts, It’s just.... Too much for me to process.

And that’s why I always resort to Manga and Manga alone when it comes to reading Sasuke’s character. Even in Kishimoto’s Interviews, he was brutally honest about Sasuke’s design which is 100% canon compliant (Meaning, He didn’t lie.)

SO, WHAT DOES KISHIMOTO HAS TO SAY ABOUT SASUKE???

I don’t like to bring Interviews to justify my point because it means I am also doing the same thing what those SS and NH shippers does. Like Relying on Interviews rather than the Source material. It’s just that for this particular post, I wanted to bring up the Author’s motivations behind his Favourite Character.

For Example... In an Interview for Cinematoday.jp in 2015, He talked about Sasuke’s character.

“Sasuke is a character that likes tea, so if tea shows up in a scene, he’ll drink it, but if it was juice, I don’t think he would drink it because he doesn’t like it. But if I turn it into a setting where the story won’t advance if he doesn’t drink juice, I have to employ a different pattern from when tea shows up or it doesn’t work. But if it is decided that he will drink juice, his character image is messed up.”

So, Basically Kishi is saying that Sasuke acts in a certain way ONLY UNDER SPECIFIC SITUATION... Otherwise he would act in a different way...

I can’t even deny anything from this excerpt.... I, 1000%, agree with his words.. Because it happened with Sasuke in his 2 most important moments...

As you very well know that What Sasuke did in the Kage Summit Arc... Not going into Detail on that. But What I find it to be very interesting was,

Gaara tried to reach Sasuke... Instead of Attacking him, he started to talk to him... And make him understand what he was doing.... But after Gaara realized that he couldn’t stop him, he questions himself about something...

“Naruto, If you were here, what would you do?”

Gaara tried to stop Sasuke, but he couldn’t...

Karin, his Teammate got caught in Danzo’s clutches, but that doesn’t move him... Not a Bit

Sakura.... Uhhh??? Next

Kakashi tried to talk to him, Still couldn’t reach him...

But the Moment Naruto came into the Picture, Sasuke stopped. Started to listen.

So, Sasuke is Sasuke... Naruto is Tea.... While Kakashi, Karin, Gaara are all Juice.

I wonder why Sakura couldn’t be the Tea though????

Similarly,

This is Sasuke who was hell-bent on his Resolve to cut Naruto out of his Life and then pursue for Revenge...

But the moment Itachi came into the picture, Sasuke got diverted...

In this Case, Itachi is Tea...

Tell me, how is this not Well Within Sasuke’s Characterization and Narrative decision but some ‘Brainwash Agenda’ those Sasuke stans boldly claims very often????

To add furthermore, Another Interview from New York Comic Con 2015 where he draw parallels between Sasuke and Madara...

Madara is part of the Uchiha clan -- in fact, he's one of the earliest of the Uchiha clan. Sasuke of course is also Uchiha. So I was trying to think of 'if I had to teach(?) Sasuke and also create kind of an older – not just age wise but time wise (chronologically)... You know, Sasuke turns pretty dark for a lot of the series and I wanted to do something even darker and more evil. Almost kind of a concretion of evil. That's how I came up with Madara.

You see, Kishi was clearly saying that Madara is the concretion of evil and hence he wants to teach Sasuke as to how Madara was wrong because Sasuke was also becoming someone similar to Madara...

Isn’t it funny that Sasuke was the only person to hear about Madara’s story from 3 different people like Itachi, Obito and Hashirama????

And they really believe that Sasuke’s plot was messed up by the Editors???

Ok, According to Kishimoto’s words, Did Sasuke learnt anything from Madara????

“Maybe I should’ve gone that way too... My Dream is coming to an end... But yours hasn’t yet...”

“Maybe... I should’ve gone that way too...”

Look How many times Sasuke’s face was full of pity which was inserted in the scene that’s totally belonged to Hashi and Madara????

Yes, He learnt what Madara did was wrong in a way... And that’s why Sasuke’s Revolution plan was totally Self-Harming by hurting himself as compared to the Self-Serving dream of Madara.

You know, Sasuke turns pretty dark for a lot of the series and I wanted to do something even darker and more evil. Almost kind of a concretion of evil. That's how I came up with Madara. - Kishimoto

Also, Kishi was clearly mentioning here that Sasuke was turning into the darker side for a lot of the series.... But his stans would never acknowledge this and pull this UwU baby Trauma Card and dumb down his Character into an Innocent Victim and claims that Sasuke did nothing wrong...

And in Shonen Jump 2014 Jump Festa, he talked about Sasuke’s character as to whether he is Evil or Good....

In the end, Sasuke is a very genuine person, he doesn't think whether what he does is good or bad. He does what he wants to do without thinking about problems he causes for others.

He's very self-centered, only thinking about himself. Some people might think what he does is good, like avenging his parents or trying to realize his brother's ideals.

But he keeps creating problems for others in his way, this is where lies the bad aspect of this character. So it's kinda hard to put a word on him. It's all about knowing if it's good or evil to be self-centered about your goals. I'd say he's not really good or evil, just genuine.

Believe me, I never knew about this Interview until very recently... But this is exactly how I thought his character was since very long... He has this dual Aspect of being inherently Good but trying to become Bad by being obsessed with his Goals which he was struggling throughout the series as to which side he should fall upon.. This is exactly what Sasuke was for 700 Chapters... There’s no inconsistency from writing perspective that bugged me at any point of time... Well, Even in Gaiden, he was totally in-Character.

And Also the author says that “He is very Self-centered who only thinks about himself” but when you say this fact, his stans would slash your throat online!!!!!

To Conclude,

In my opinion, Sasuke is such a Strong and Great Character, a character worthy of nothing but Admiration....

He is self-centered... Yes.... But I also learnt from him as to how to be extremely selfless towards a loved person.

He became an object of vengeance... Yes... But I also learnt from him as to how to be extremely Forgiving... This is an important Aspect of Sasuke which many stans fails to acknowledge... And this is also the attribute that made me love this character...

But to label Sasuke’s character under ‘Too Good’ or ‘Too Evil’ or ‘Too Innocent’ is just plain disservice to his Entire character and such one-dimensional Interpretation is not something I would take it as sincere or serious... Especially making him into a ‘Girly Wallflower who is Meek’ kind of interpretation is just plain cringeworthy... Because at the end of the day, it would be full of emotions and self-projections from people who self-insert and make it all about themselves and their real-life ideologies... And I clearly don’t want ‘Someone Else’s’ version of Sasuke other than what the Author has written in the Manga.

#sns #nsn #sasunaru #narusasu

98 notes · View notes

cupajoscafe · 2 years

Text

Three Strikes, You're Out | Yakuza!AU Shikamaru Nara x OC

HELLO FRIENDS I AM SO EXCITED TO POST ANOTHER FIC FOR YOU I HAVE BEEN WRITING THIS ON AND OFF SINCE SEPTEMBER 2021 AND I FINALLY FINISHED IT LAST NIGHT AAAAAAAAA i'm obsessed with this au okay???? i know it says yakuza but this is kind of a mix between the japanese yakuza and the american/italian mafia, because typically women didn't play prominent roles in the yakuza so i kind of went a little off script with that. i have been,,,,obsessed with this AU since i started thinking about it and my best friend and i have been brainstorming ideas!! this fic actually stems from a lot of the headcanoning we've done together!!! the opening scene is based on a mini comic i drew while we were talking together and if yall want i can post that here too 👀👀👀 i just,,,i love this au so much LMFAO ANYWAYS. I AM. SO EXCITED SO IM GONNA SHUT UP AND GET TO POSTING AHAHAHAHAH I HOPE YALL LIKE IT 💜💜💜 Tagging @whatelsecouldgowrong because I know she's been waiting for this HAHAHHAHH

Pairings: Shikamaru Nara x OC

Word Count: 9.2k

Genre: Yakuza!AU, Smut

Warnings: None

Contents: 18+ MINORS DNI. Oral (m&f receiving), face fucking, dirty talk, creampie. Shikamaru is kind of a dick in this AU because I say so. Entirely self indulgent. No editing, we die like women.

Summary: Shikamaru gets transferred to Naruto's gang, and his right hand woman doesn't take too kindly to their new addition.

The first strike was their very first face to face meeting. He was subjected to a trade; moving from Haruki Yukimura's gang to Naruto Uzumaki's, trading brains for brawn. Haruki needed strength, and Naruto needed intellect. To solidify their relationship in public, he would send over his bodyguard Rock Lee, and she would send over her financial advisor Shikamaru Nara. From the moment she knew about the trade, Yuuna was less than thrilled. She thought it was a stupid idea. They were already a close syndicate, they didn't need to lose man power and have a total stranger join their ranks. She thought it was dangerous and would only cause problems within their gang.

When the trade happened, both gangs were present. Naruto had sent Lee over, and Haruki had sent Shikamaru over.

"To think I'm gonna have to start working with a whole new gang," He groaned, dragging his feet along the hardwood floor of Naruto's office towards him. He reached a hand up to scratch at the back of his head. "Damn, this is gonna be such a drag."

Yuuna's eyebrow twitched. In an instant, she hopped down from her place sitting on the edge of Naruto's desk and she stood in front of Shikamaru so he couldn't progress any further. He stopped in front of her and glared down at the brunette.

"Do you need somethin', Princess?" He inquired, raising an annoyed eyebrow. "'Cause if not, you should get the hell outta my way."

With a glare, she straightened her back and stared up into his narrow mocha eyes.

"It's in your best interest to play nice, Mr. Nara. I know more about you than you think I do." She started, her voice low. "You try and pull any funny business, and I'll have your name, birthday, address, and social security number plastered over every rival gang's territory, you understand me?!"

What started as a low growl in her tone escalated to a firm raising of her voice by the time she finished. Naruto swallowed nervously, shifting slightly so he could move to de-escalate the situation if he needed to. Haruki glared at the woman that threatened her former right hand. She was not impressed. She understood where Yuuna was coming from and appreciated how fiercely loyal she was, but she wouldn't tolerate threats.

Shikamaru, on the other hand, found it intriguing to say the least. Oh, how amusing this little mouse was. He took a drag from his cigarette and pulled it from his lips, then exhaled a cloud of smoke against her face. She coughed and brought her hands up to her face to fan the smoke out of her eyes. He simply smiled at her and leaned in close, pressing his cheek to hers and whispered,

"Is it really a smart idea to be threatening the guy who handles your paycheck?"

The shit eating grin on his face when he pulled back and took a drag from his cigarette made her blood boil.

"C-Cocky bastard--!!" She exclaimed, face hot from his husky voice in her ear, moving to lunge forward to smack that sneer right off of his face.

"Yuuna!!" She heard from behind her. She stopped in her tracks and turned around to see Naruto glaring at her from his desk. "That's enough. Back off."

She gritted her teeth and reluctantly stepped back, looking up at the scarred face that stood in front of her. The smirk that rested on his lips ignited a rage filled flame in her body.

"You heard the man." He said. The mocking tone in his voice nearly made her jump at him again. "Back off, sweetheart."

He took another drag of his cigarette and walked past her, being sure to flash her another condescending smirk as he did so. She stood there and grimaced, her long nails digging into the meat of her palm as she balled her hands into fists.

"I'm sorry about her, Mr. Nara, Miss Yukimura." Naruto stood up from his regal desk chair and bowed an apology to the syndicate head and her former right hand. "I'll be having a very thorough discussion with Miss Misaki when we're done here."

Haruki hesitated for a moment before she spoke. "I think it's best you let her, and anyone else who feels similarly, know that you and I have been working together for quite some time now." She explained, taking a slow step forward towards him. "This is just our first public move."

As she progressed forward, she stopped when she found herself beside the brunette.

"All that dirt you have on him, I also have on you." She whispered firmly, almost menacingly. "Keep that in mind when you decide to smear his info across the city."

Haruki shifted to look at the woman next to her and smirked, then continued on her path towards greeting Naruto with a handshake. Yuuna swallowed and let out a shaky breath as soon as the attention had been shifted from her to the syndicate heads.

"Anyways, before we were so rudely interrupted, I'm sure you'll find Shikamaru to be a valuable asset to your gang." Haruki announced as she walked over to his desk. "His intellect and financial advisory are unrivaled."

Naruto leaned over his desk to extend his scarred right hand out to the smaller woman in front of him. Haruki gave it a firm shake.

"He's been my right hand since day one." She explained. "You'd do well to remember to treat him with the utmost respect."

"Of course. We'll welcome him with open arms." He smiled, placing his left hand over Haruki's as they shook. "I'll be sure that everyone here sees to that."

He shifted his attention to the man beside him and gave a friendly smile.

"Good to have you, Mr. Nara." He extended his hand out to shake. "I'm sure you'll be a valuable asset to us."

Shikamaru paused for a moment and took another drag from his cigarette before giving Naruto's hand a firm shake.

"Getting used to all these new people is gonna be such a pain," He sighed. He shifted his gaze from Naruto over to Yuuna, who was glaring at him from the middle of the room. He couldn't help the smirk that pulled at his lips. "But I'm sure we'll eventually get along just fine."

---

The second strike was when she attempted to expose him for espionage. Since day one, she hadn't been convinced he was a loyal member of their group. So she took it upon herself to keep an eye on Shikamaru in case he tried to sabotage Naruto's position of power. Yuuna had noticed that a few times a week, once Shikamaru was finished with his duties with Naruto, he would take a drive to meet up with Haruki and have dinner. She saw no reason for them to be having these meetings and was convinced that he was relaying top secret information about their business doings to his former employer. With a confident smirk, she carefully made her way back to Naruto's office in a taxi to relay her findings to the boss she respected so much.

What she hadn't expected was to see Shikamaru there when she burst through the doors.

"Hey, Naruto!! I've got somethin' to tell you--" She exclaimed, heels clacking to a dead stop on the ground as she laid eyes on the coal haired advisor standing next to her boss.

"Yuuna. I thought I told you to head home for the night." He inquired, turning his attention from Shikamaru to the woman in front of him. "What's so important you came rushing back here so late at night?"

She stood there gritting her teeth, eyes wide and staring daggers into Shikamaru's skull. Regaining her composure, she turned her attention to the blond man before her.

"Sir, I need you to listen to me." She demanded, stepping forward until she was at the edge of his desk. "Mr. Nara isn't the loyal advisor you think he is."

"What?" Naruto asked, furrowing his brow. Shikamaru scoffed and took a drag from his cigarette.

"I haven't liked him since day fucking one. He's always given me a bad feeling, so I've been watching him carefully to make sure he's not up to anything." She explained, pressing her palms flat on his desk as she leaned forward to address him. "He's been having secret meetings with Miss Yukimura three times a week to discuss our affairs with her. That's top secret information, sir. He's been divulging classified information to your so-called 'colleague'."

She pulled back from his desk and stood up straight, shifting her gaze over to the spy in question and flashing him a triumphant smirk. It faded almost as soon as it came on when she realized that he looked cool as a cucumber and was smirking right back at her.

"Yuuna…" Naruto sighed, scratching the stubble on his cheek. "I know about the meetings."

She whipped her head around to look over at Naruto and her eyes almost popped out of her skull.

"S-Sir…?!"

"They were my idea." He explained, exhaling and sitting down in his chair. He laced his fingers together and looked up at her from his seat. "I thought it would be better if our two syndicates were as transparent as possible with one another, so I arranged for Shikamaru and Haruki to meet and discuss our standings. They strategize about things that will work well with the businesses we already have while also not stealing businesses from her. That way we don't step on each other's toes. He's the go-between from Haruki to me."

She stood there dumbfounded, staring at Naruto as if she'd seen a ghost.

"...So he hasn't been divulging classified information in those meetings then." She squeaked, feeling her face begin to burn up from a mixture of shame and embarrassment.

"No, he hasn't." Naruto leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. "They're both very smart individuals and it's clear they've been nothing but honest with us about their affairs."

She balled her hands into fists, long painted nails digging into the meat of her palms. She shifted uncomfortably in place, heels scraping against the hardwood floor of his office. She grimaced and bit her lip, trembling ever so slightly with agitation. A chuckle erupted from next to her and she shifted her emerald eyes to see Shikamaru's mocha hues staring back at her, glistening with delight as a maniacal grin stretched across his lips. He took a long, almost exaggerated drag of his cigarette, and blew the smoke out of the side of his mouth with a chuckle.

"Well. That's oh-for-two." He sneered, giving her a teasing smirk as he flicked the ashes from his smoke into the ashtray on the desk. "I wonder if Naruto's a baseball kind of guy."

He replaced the cigarette between his lips and began to exit the office at a lazy pace, dragging his feet across the floor with his hands in his trouser pockets. As he did so, he sang quietly under his breath but made sure he was loud enough for Yuuna to hear as he passed her.

"'Cause it's one, two, three strikes you're out at the old ball game."

Without saying anything more he opened the door and walked out of the office, then shut the door behind him. Her blood boiling from the utter humiliation she'd just put herself through, Yuuna let out a frustrated wail and brought her hands up to her head, pulling her hair from her skull.

"That cocky motherfucker!!" She squawked. She ran her hands through her hair and took a moment to collect herself before turning to Naruto, averting his gaze but straightening up to address him. With a deep sigh through her nose, she closed her eyes then finally met his eyes. "...I'm sorry, sir. I made an ass of myself again."

Naruto sighed and scratched the back of his head.

"What the hell am I gonna do with you?" He mumbled, pulling his arm from his neck to drum his fingers along the wood of his desk top.

"I just--..." She started, trailing off after a moment. With another sigh, she closed her eyes and continued. "...I just don't want all of your hard work to be ruined, Naruto. You've built something amazing here and I don't want anyone taking that away from you."

He paused, listening to her words before he spoke. He leaned back in his chair, recalling what Haruki had told him in private on the night of the trade.

That one is fiercely loyal. You'd better be treating her well.

He drummed his fingers against the wood again and sighed, then then laced his fingers together and looked up at her with furrowed brows and a stern expression.

"Well...nothing really came out of those accusations. And I know your intentions were good." He spoke, his features softening. "So I suppose this time you're off the hook."

She let out the breath that she was holding and sighed with relief. "Thank you, sir. I'll be more careful going forward."

He smiled at her, taking her word. Yuuna was a trustworthy member of his gang, and he knew that if she said she was going to do something, she would absolutely do it. When the air of tension dissipated from between them, his smile grew wider and he chuckled, narrowing his eyes and squinting over at his subordinate.

"Soooo, you and Mr. Nara seem to be getting along well."

She froze in place and her body stiffened, her face flushing red; though this time it wasn't from embarrassment. With a twitch of her eyebrow, she scoffed and whipped around to the side so he couldn't see her blushing.

"Like hell we are." She snapped at him, digging her nails into the flesh of her forearms as she crossed them over her chest. "He's a fucking asshole and the less I get to work with him the better."

Naruto giggled, leaving forward in his chair and resting his chin on top of the back of his hands as they held his head up.

"Oh really?" He prodded, tilting his head to the side. "'Cause that's not what your red-ass face is saying right now."

---

Sometime in between the first two strikes, Shikamaru had found himself in an unfortunate situation. As it turned out, at some point he had caught feelings for her. He wasn't sure if it was the time she asked for a smoke from him when he knew she'd never smoked in her life, or if it was the time he came back to the office plastered after a meeting and she ended up taking care of him throughout the night, or if it was when she was being followed by some delinquents and she called him to help her out and then proceeded to walk her home every day so they wouldn't bother her again. Would he act on those feelings he ended up with? No, of course not. She hated him, after all. At least that's what she was trying to make him think; he could see through her act and knew it was all for show, but he played along for her sake. He recognized the tension between them when they were alone together and it only made it worse. He was constantly pushing those feelings back; he had a job to do as Naruto's right hand, and no woman, no matter how attractive or how confident, was going to stop him from that.

But he was waiting. Waiting for Yuuna to slip up again, to accuse him of a lie, or to corner him with "proof" that he was planning something again. Because this time, he wasn't letting her off the hook. This time, it would be her third strike.

He had offered to stay at the office late tonight, going through paperwork and documents to sort out what needed to be discarded and what needed to be transferred to receipts. He sat back in Naruto's desk chair and flicked the ashes from his cigarette into the ashtray on the desk, sighing deeply and scratching the top of his head.

"Man, maybe I should have gone home when he offered, this is such a drag." He grumbled to himself. He pushed the chair back and stood up, stretching his arms above his head with a yawn. He crossed them over his chest as he looked down at the paperwork scattered around the desk. "Maybe I'll call it for the night."

He began to pull all the papers together and replace them in the file folders they were organized in, save for one sheet that he needed to take home to look over more. He sighed as he pulled open the filing cabinet beside the desk, replacing the folders to the alphabetical places they belonged.

Suddenly, there was a click of the doorknob turning. He hadn't been expecting anyone to still be in the office so late, so the sudden noise made him jump a little as he whipped his head up to look at the door. And he was absolutely delighted when he saw who entered the room.

"Hey, Naruto? Sorry, I know it's late, but I came to ask you someth--"

Yuuna stopped dead in her tracks when she entered the office and saw Shikamaru behind her boss's desk. Her gaze flicked to the opened filing cabinet and the loose sheet of paper on the desk.

"You sneaky little fucker." She growled, eyes narrow and glaring daggers into his skull. "I should have fucking known you would try and pull some shit like this while he's gone, you god damn snake!!"

He simply looked at her with a smirk on his face. She was all bark and no bite. Despite all of her threats, she'd never once acted upon them. Shikamaru knew from the get-go the type of person Yuuna was, and he wasn't scared of her. It was quite the opposite, actually. He was very fond of the brunette. Fond enough, in fact, that she was the center of his thoughts. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about her. When he wasn't focused on work or in a meeting with Naruto or Haruki, she was all he could think about. The way she walked with a confident stride in her step. The way her emerald eyes caught the light and glimmered. The way her fingers drummed against the hardwood of the meeting table as she reviewed important documents.

But he found himself most often thinking about her lips. How the pink hue of her lipstick glistened and drew him in. How cute they looked when she was pouting or claiming she was upset at him. He oftentimes wondered just what would happen if he kissed those pretty, pouty, pink lips of hers. What would they taste like? What would it feel like to pull her lower lip between his teeth as he ran his hands along her bare skin? How would it feel to have those soft lips of hers wrapped around his cock, tears spilling from her eyes in a blissful expression as she choked on his girth?

That last thought rotted through his brain nearly every time he looked at her. Every time her tongue grazed over her lips absently in thought, he felt the blood rush between his thighs and he had to force himself to get a grip and cool down. But now...

Now it was just the two of them, and the tension in the air was palpable. He knew it, and he knew she knew it too. That sooner or later, something was going to happen. And oh, did he ever hope that something was going to happen tonight.

He stared at the woman on the opposite end of the room with a smirk on his face. He looked down at the document on the table and took it into his hands. He folded the paper into a neat little rectangle and opened his blazer, placing the document into the inside pocket. He returned his mocha hues to meet her glare, reaching down and shutting the filing cabinet. At a snail's pace, he began to make his way around the desk and walk over to her.

"What the fuck is your problem, huh?!" She shouted, watching as he took his sweet time. "You gonna say something or what?!"

Shikamaru stopped to reach into his pocket and pull out a new cigarette. He placed it between his lips and plucked out his lighter, igniting the end and replacing the metal back into his trousers. He took a deep inhale and then pulled the cigarette from his lips, exhaling the smoke with a smug grin.

"Naruto needed to go home and get some rest. I offered to stay. He gave me a list of things that needed to get done tonight." He stated, shifting his gaze back and forth between her eyes. "I'm just doing what I was told to do."

"Bullshit." She accused, standing her ground and staying firm. She watched as he fiddled around in his pocket to produce a scrap piece of paper that indeed did have a list of to-dos scribbled on it in Naruto's handwriting. He smirked and stuffed it back into his pants and watched as she became increasingly more antsy, shifting slightly in place, but still remaining firm.

"I gotta say," He started, taking another long drag from his cigarette. "I'm surprised you still have it in you to keep going with this. I mean, come on, I've proven I'm a decent guy time and time again and you're still suspicious? This whole thing is starting to turn into such a drag."

Yuuna scoffed and straightened up, looking directly into his eyes and running her tongue along her upper lip. He watched as the muscle slid along her flesh, feeling the blood rush to his stiffening erection. Shikamaru stifled a low groan with a drag of his cigarette as he kept his eyes fixated on her lips.

"I'll keep looking." She griped, furrowing her brows and frowning. "I don't care how fucking long it takes. I will get you."

His eye twitched minutely and he flicked the ashes off the end of his smoke, holding it between his right index and middle fingers. He strutted towards her with a smirk, backing her up against the door as he caged her in with his left hand. He leaned in close, face mere centimeters from hers, and he chuckled.

"Listen here, lapdog," He muttered, his voice low and husky, lips stretched into a sly smile. It was almost threatening. "Search all you want. You won't find any dirt on me. I'm squeaky clean."

She could feel her heart beating in her throat and her breathing quickened, shifting her gaze back and forth between his eyes. She pressed her back up against the door, dragging her nails against the wood as she glared up at him. The tension was unbearable. With a scowl, she suddenly lifted a hand up to his head to grasp at his hair, loosening it from its confines a little as she pulled his head to the side. The sudden motion caught him off guard and he winced at the pain, but let out a low, hungry groan at the stinging sensation. He looked down at her and panted.

"Fuck you, Nara." She hissed, baring her teeth but pushing her back off of the door to press her chest lightly against his. He pulled his hand down from its spot above her head on the wood, then mirrored her movement, grabbing a fistful of her hair and snapping her head back. She let out a moan at the abrupt movement, loosening her grip on his hair and falling back against the door again. She looked up at him through heavy lashes as her breathing became labored.

"Strike three, doll-face." He muttered, then surged forward to capture her lips in a heated kiss. She returned it instantly, opening her mouth to allow his tongue to roam around as it pleased. He pressed his body up against her, lifting his right arm up to rest against the door and pinning her against it. He began to rut his hips forward against hers, groaning into her mouth as he felt his cock twitch beneath his trousers.

Yuuna pulled her hand from his hair and ran it down his neck until it rested against his chest, where she began to shift it under his blazer to slip it off. He pulled back from her lips for just a moment, placing his cigarette between his own and shucking his jacket off of his shoulders. He let it fall to the ground, then pulled the cigarette from his lips and exhaled the smoke. He dove forward again to capture her in another fiery kiss, fiddling with his belt as he let his tongue explore her mouth. She let out a soft moan as she felt him grind his throbbing cock against her, finally free from its confines. She pulled back to catch her breath, resting her head against the wooden door as she gasped for air. Shikamaru took the opportunity to pull her head to the side, exposing her neck, and placed open mouth kisses along the skin. He licked at her flesh, sucking it until he left a mark, then moved along to an empty space and did the same thing there until her neck was covered in bruises. She let out a string of quiet moans as he did so, reaching her hand down to curl her fingers around his girth, stroking him in a steady rhythm. He groaned against her skin, releasing his grip on her hair to slip his fingers under her dress and drag them over her clothed slit.

He smirked against her skin when he felt how damp her panties were, gliding the pad of his middle finger over her clit and circling it lazily. She trembled underneath his touch, pulling her other hand up from the door behind her to grasp at his shirt and pressing her forehead into his neck.

"You like that, Princess?" He asked, but he already knew the answer when she let out a whimper underneath him. He pulled back just enough to watch her, holding his smoke in between his long, thin fingers. He then used that free hand to grope one of her breasts, pulling it out from the low-cut fabric and kneading the flesh between his unoccupied fingers. He slipped the digits on his other hand under her panties, gliding them through her folds and chuckling as he heard her whimpering again. She let out a low moan feeling his fingers dipping inside of her, clenching onto the fabric of his dark green button-up.

She gave his cock another steady pump, pulling her head back from his neck to look into his eyes. They exchanged a lust-filled glance before she shot forward to kiss him again, shifting her hand from his chest to the back of his head where she held him against her lips. She ground down against his fingers, moaning into his mouth and stroking his girth quickly.

"Fuck--" He muttered against her tongue, pressing himself up harder against her and quickening the movement of his wrist. She moaned as she felt him slip another finger into her heat and in turn flicked her own wrist faster. He groaned again, pulling away just enough to catch his breath as he snatched her lower lip between his teeth. He pulled his fingers from her cunt and began pressing tight circles against her clit with his middle finger. He shifted his head back just enough to prop his cigarettes between his lips, holding it between them as he took a long drag and blew the smoke out from the side of his mouth. He took his now free hand and shifted it down to pull at her thigh, lifting it up and pressing her leg back under the crook of her knee.

The shift in position caused Yuuna's head to tilt back against the door, a soft moan resonating from her lips as her eyes rolled back. She lifted her arm to wrap it around his shoulders and rested the other hand on his cheek, huffing as she refocused her gaze onto the scarred face in front of her. Shikamaru rutted his hips forward, grinding his cock against her, running the tip along her soaked panties. He groaned at the feeling, letting his head fall back a little as the cigarette between his lips threatened to fall to the floor. He tilted his head forward, brow furrowed and face hot, and ground his cock against her heat again.

"You want it?" He rasped, shifting his hand to his face to pull the cigarette from his mouth. He exhaled the smoke to the side and circled his hips against her again. She tilted her head back against the door again and nodded. He chuckled and grabbed her face, squishing her cheeks slightly, pulling her head down and forcing her to look into his eyes. "I'm not doing shit until I hear you say it."

"Fuck me." She hissed with a pant, then pulled his head towards hers to capture him in a hungry kiss. He smirked against her and chuckled through his nose, then pulled back to release his grip on her cheeks and replace his cigarette between his lips. She had to stop her eyes from rolling back into her head as she felt him slip his fingers inside of her again, breathing out a heavy pant and biting down on her bottom lip. Her brows furrowed and she looked up at him through heavy lashes. "With your cock, you shitty bastard."

He scoffed and glared down at her, maintaining eye contact for a moment. In one quick movement he removed his fingers from her soaking hole and pulled her panties to the side, then slammed his hips forward until his cock was buried inside her to the hilt. They moaned in synchronization, her body trembling as her pussy adjusted to the sudden stretch. His cigarette fell to the vinyl tile beneath them as he panted, pressing his forehead hard against hers. He stomped out the cigarette and refocused his vision on her, pressing her leg back farther and smirking.

"Fuck, you feel as good as I hoped you would." Shikamaru huffed, the grin still present on his face. He slowly shifted his hips back, sliding his cock out of her slowly. The lazy movement elicited a moan from the woman in front of him. He shifted his hips forward, sliding back inside of her, and repeated the slow action a few times. He wanted to feel every inch of that intoxicating wet heat that wrapped around him so deliciously. He chuckled as she huffed beneath him, leaning in closer to her face. "Feel good, sweetheart? C'mon, you like it, don't you?"

Yuuna furrowed her brow and huffed, the movement of her hips synchronizing with his betraying the look of annoyance on her face. She tried desperately to keep up her facade but the moan that escaped her lips was enough of an answer to his question. He scoffed down at her, lips mere inches from hers, as he slowly pressed his cock back inside her cunt. He pressed her leg back again until it was nearly flush with her chest. She gasped as he deepened his thrusts, and he took the opportunity to close the small space between their faces.

He pressed his lips to hers and she parted her own upon contact, allowing his tongue to traverse inside the wet cavern of her mouth. She shifted her leg from his grip, resting her calf up onto his shoulder. He groaned into her mouth and held her thigh as he thrusted his hips forwards. She let one of her hands snake its way behind his head to hold his mouth against hers while the other found its way to the buttons on his shirt. She began to unbutton the fabric as he fucked into her, slipping it off his shoulders so it met his blazer on the ground.

Yuuna's hands wandered the expanse of bare skin in front of her, dragging her long, painted nails across his flesh. She pulled at his hair to separate them, huffing against his face as she caught her breath.

"F-Fuck, 's so good," She mewled, lost in the pleasure and dropping her facade. Shikamaru smirked at her and shifted one of his hands down her body, letting his thumb drag over her clit as he slowed his pace considerably. She keened at his touch, furrowing her brow upward and looking into his sultry mocha eyes.

"You like that, yeah?" He inquired, flicking his thumb against her nerves at a lazy pace. "You like getting stuffed and having your pussy played with?"

She nodded in response, moaning as his thumb hit a sweet spot against her nerves. "S-So good, 's so g-good."

He grinned wickedly at her and halted his movements entirely. He pulled himself out of her sopping cunt and gave his cock a steady stroke as he looked down at her. The rage in her eyes was absolutely delectable.

"H-Hey, what--" She stammered, heaving for breath. "What the fuck? Why did you stop?!"

He simply smiled down at her and cocked his head to the side.

"'Cause I wanna hear you say it."

Her eyes widened and her face flushed. He couldn't be serious. She frowned and gave a little snarl, baring her teeth at him.

"W-What the fuck do you mean?" She growled, still panting to catch her breath. He chuckled again, stroking his cock and leaning forward to ghost his lips over the shell of her ear and whisper.

"I wanna hear you say how much you want me to fuck you." He grinned wickedly, his breath hot against her ear. She shivered and her eyelids fluttered, swallowing thickly as her head lightly tapped against the wood behind her. He chuckled through his nose, shifting his hips forward and slipping his cock between her thighs, rubbing it along her folds. "Wanna hear you beg for it."

The sound of his husky voice rang in her ear and that alone nearly made her moan. Her knees trembled as she felt his girth sliding between her legs. Every part of her body was screaming at her to give in to his request. But she was stubborn, and even though he pretty much had her figured out, she couldn't give up her facade. Not yet. She met his gaze when he pulled back from her ear, furrowing her brow.

"I don't beg for anyone." Yuuna spoke quietly, keeping her eyes fixed on his. "Especially not for you, Nara."

Shikamaru gave an annoyed frown, sucking the air between his teeth and scowling down at her. He pulled his cock from between her legs and fixed it back into his trousers, stepping away from her and leaning down to pick up the articles of his discarded clothing. Realizing what was happening, the panic settled on her face and she watched as he collected his things.

"Wh-What are you doing?" She asked. He stood up straight and loomed over her almost threateningly.

"If you're not into it, I'm not gonna bother wasting my time." He retaliated, moving past her to grab the door handle. He swung the doors open and began to step out of Naruto's office, but stopped when he heard her call out to him.

"I--..." She started, but trailed off as if she didn't know what to say. She stared at his back, clenching her fists tightly to help soothe the anxiety that was running through her. The jig was up. He'd had her figured out, and there was no point in her trying to bluff anymore. With a shaky sigh, she straightened up and looked at the back of his head. "I--...I want you to f-fuck me. Please."

If his back hadn't been turned, she would have been able to see the devilish grin that stretched across his lips. Just as he had planned. He paused for a moment before slowly turning around to look at her. Their eyes met and he watched her throat tighten as she swallowed. He shifted his attention to her lips, those beautiful pouty lips, and he smirked. He felt his still hard cock twitch and he casually strolled over towards her until they were standing face to face. He loomed over her, gaze burning through her, and leaned his head forward until their lips were mere centimeters apart.

"What was that, doll-face?" He whispered, that cocky smile still present on his features. "You're gonna have to be a little more specific."

The tension was thick enough to be cut with a knife. She stood there, breathing heavily, watching him closely as her cheeks burned hot. She swallowed again, shifting to press her body up against his, trailing her hands along the expanse of his bare chest. She felt his cock pressing against her underneath his pants and it had her almost salivating. Poking her tongue between her painted lips to lick them, she panted again before rutting her hips forward against his.

"W-Want you to fuck me, Shikamaru," She huffed, calling him by his first name for the very first time since they'd met. "Want to feel your cock inside me, w-want you to fill me up. I-I need it."

Every single word that rolled off her tongue had him groaning. He dropped the clothes he was holding to the ground and immediately grabbed hold of the back of her head, crashing his lips against hers. She let out a moan on impact, parting her lips right away so his tongue could brush up against hers. He began to walk forward, pushing her back, until he backed her up against the edge of the couch that resided in the corner of Naruto's office. As soon as her calves hit the couch, he shoved her down onto the cushions. Yuuna landed with a soft oof and she looked up at him through half-lidded eyes, huffing softly as the tension between her legs was building up again. He reached into his trousers and pulled out his aching cock, stroking it steadily a few times as he watched her. She licked her lips, rubbing her thighs together as her hands found their way to the waistband of his trousers. She tugged them down just enough so they hung around his thighs and immediately dove forward to swallow his girth, pressing her nose against his hips.

Shikamaru gave a hungry groan as he watched his length disappear behind her lips, fisting her hair and working his hips into a rhythm. He watched her carefully as she slid her tongue along the length of his cock. It was just how he'd pictured it in his head. Even better than he'd imagined. He worked himself up to a steady pace, holding her head still as his hips slapped against her face. She gripped onto his pants tightly and clamped her eyes shut, holding her breath as he fucked into her mouth. He slammed his hips forward, holding her head against them and staring down at her as he caught his breath. She finally opened her eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks as she looked up to meet his gaze, panting as she caught her breath too. The look on her face was absolutely sinful. It was everything he'd thought it would have been and more. It was just what he was waiting for. He pulled out of her mouth with a groan and she sputtered as the air rushed back into her lungs, coughing and heaving for breath.

Without warning, he shifted downwards and pressed her legs back towards her chest, situating his face between her thighs. He tugged her soaking panties to the side and Yuuna gasped when she felt his tongue gliding through her folds, squirming around and desperately trying to bite back a moan.

"No point in holding it in, Princess," He growled, kissing her inner thighs and nibbling lightly against her flesh. He looked up at her and smirked as he licked a stripe up from her entrance to her clit, circling her nerves lazily. "I wanna hear just how loud you can be for me."

As if on cue, she let out a lewd moan that echoed through the empty office as he lapped at her clit. She pulled one hand up to her head to run it through her hair, and moved the other down on top of Shikamaru's to grasp at his. He smirked against her skin as he continued to devour her cunt, wrapping his arms under her thighs and holding her against his tongue. She draped her legs over his shoulders, squeezing his head lightly between her thighs as she rutted her hips against his mouth.

"F-Fuck--..." She whimpered, panting as she ground down against his tongue. She threw her head back against the sofa and moaned again as she began to feel the pressure build in her gut. "Good, s-so good."

He smiled smugly against her, sliding his tongue through her folds again. He pulled one hand from her thigh and sunk his middle finger into her heat, curling it upwards as he began to thrust the digit in and out of her entrance. He held her against his tongue as her hips rolled and her breathing became heavy, slipping a second finger inside of her to stretch her out more. He could feel her thighs tighten around his head and he knew she was close. Lashing his tongue aggressively against her clit and flicking his wrist quickly, it wasn't long before she came undone under his touch.

Her thighs clenched as her orgasm crashed over her, a lustful cry falling from her lips as her vision went white and she slammed her eyes shut. She ground down against his face, tugging his hair tightly as she held him against her, tongue falling from her lips as she panted to catch her breath. He pulled his fingers from her trembling pussy and shifted his position so he was hovering over her, the head of his cock just barely kissing her entrance. He slid it through her folds, gathering her slick and pressing ever so slightly into her hole.

"This what you want?" Shikamaru asked rhetorically; he very much knew the answer already by the way her eyes were glued to his girth pushing into her. She nodded vigorously and bit down on her lip, wiggling her hips to invite him to fuck her. He snickered and leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers in a sloppy kiss before pulling away and looking into her emerald hues. "Then fucking say it."

"Want your cock," She whimpered immediately, chasing his lips and pulling him into her for another kiss. Their tongues met on impact and she tried to grind her hips down against him to push him into her further, but he pulled his own back just to tease her when she tried. She whined against his mouth and pulled away from his lips, grasping at his biceps as she looked up desperately into his eyes. "P-Please, Sh-Shikamaru, I need it. N-Need you to fuck me. Wanna feel your cock inside me."

That was all the invitation he needed. Without another word, he smirked and shoved his hips forward, burying his cock inside of her again. It felt just as good the second time.

"Fuck, you feel so fuckin' good, Yuuna." He groaned, pressing her legs back towards her chest and leaning forward to capture her in a searing kiss. He began to punch his hips forward, slamming them against hers as he pounded into her cunt relentlessly. He pulled back to look down at her and watch her expression. Her eyes were crossed and her tongue lolled from between her lips, a string of saliva dribbling down the side of her mouth. She looked absolutely beautiful. His lips pulled into a smug grin and he slapped his hips against hers, halting his movement to not only catch his breath but to admire the sight beneath him again.

"You like that don't you?" He muttered with a pant, pulling his hips back and grinding them forward slowly. She nodded furiously, digging her painted fingernails into the flesh of his arms. He continued to rut against her painfully slowly, making sure to feel every inch of her velvet walls wrapping around him. "Such a slut for my cock, aren't you, doll-face?"

He resumed his feral pace after she nodded, pounding into her heat and sealing her mouth with a kiss. He shifted one hand from under her knee to rest on her pelvis as he flicked at her clit with his thumb again. She moved to wrap her arms around the back of his neck where she held him pressed tightly against her, moaning loudly against Shikamaru's lips.

"Good girl," He groaned, slowing his pace just a little to emphasize the praise. He traced slow, lazy circles around her clit, eliciting another moan from the woman beneath him. He smirked and pulled away from her just enough so their lips were barely touching. "I wanna hear just how much you love it, yeah?"

"S' g-good," She whimpered, choking out a sob. Yuuna cracked her eyes open to see his mocha hues staring back at her with so much intensity that it made her quiver. "S-So fucking good, l-love your c-cock."

He groaned, rolling out his neck in a circle and smiling down at her. He quickened his pace again and began slapping his hips against hers, flicking tight circles against her nerves and watching her mouth grow wider and wider as her climax approached.

"Be a good girl for me and cum on my cock, yeah?" He grunted, working hard to push her over the edge. He kissed her and pressed his cheek against hers, his hot breath fanning against her ear. "Cum all over my cock, Princess. I wanna hear you scream my fuckin' name."

The coil in her gut snapped and she was sent spiraling into her climax, arching her back off the sofa and crying out Shikamaru's name so loud he was sure the building across the street could hear. The thought sent a jolt of electricity through his body and his eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head.

He retracted his hips and kicked off his trousers, then sat down on the couch next to her. He pulled Yuuna on top of him and she straddled his lap, resting one hand on his shoulder and slipping the other behind his head to pull him in for a lustful kiss. He slid one hand from her waist to the back of her neck where he pulled the ties of her dress down, allowing her to pull away from him to remove the garment. She tossed it onto the floor next to his pants and dove back in, their tongues meeting on impact. He ran his hands up and down her waist as she ground her hips back against his girth, grabbing a handful of her ass as a growl vibrated in his throat. He pulled her down and they moaned together as she sunk down onto his length.

She began to move her hips slowly at first, looking down at him and watching him with half-lidded eyes. He ran a hand up her waist to her chest where he grabbed at her tits and pulled one into his mouth, lapping slowly at the bud as her hips circled around his cock. He flicked his tongue quickly, kneading the supple flesh between his fingers as his eyes closed and he groaned against her skin. He bucked his hips upwards as she ground down on him, using his other hand to squeeze at her ass again. She let out a lewd moan and adjusted her pace, speeding up as she bounced against his girth. Yuuna rested her hands on his shoulders as leverage as she moved. He separated from her with a pop, sliding his hands under her ass to guide her along the length of his cock.

"Yeah, that's it," He praised, watching himself disappear inside of her. He bit down on his lip to stifle a groan, breathing deeply as the pressure began to build up in his gut. "Fuck yourself on my cock, just like that, doll-face."

He leaned forward and kissed her, tugging at her lip with his teeth as he shifted one hand to her pelvis. He began to trace circles around her clit again, determined to make her cum at least one more time before he gave in to his own rapidly approaching pleasure. He snapped his hips upwards, meeting her pace and making quick work of his fingers against her sensitive nerves. He watched her closely, observing every little shift in her face. When he noticed her mouth widen and her brows arch upwards, Shikamaru knew that she was close. He smirked at her and chuckled, grasping at her hip and digging his nails into her flesh as he fucked into her sopping cunt.

"Gonna cum?" He asked rhetorically. The expression on her face said it all. She nodded her head vigorously and squeezed his shoulders, huffing as she bounced along his length.

"C-Close, s-so close," She murmured, her body hot and tears pooling in the corners of her eyes. "G-Gonna c-cum, n-need to c-cum--"

He groaned with a snicker and sealed their mouths once more, flicking his thumb aggressively against her swollen clit. "Good girl. Cum for me, doll, all over my cock."

She continued to circle her hips against his, grinding down against his thumb and edging herself closer and closer to release, until finally the knot in her gut snapped and she was sent hurtling towards her climax. She arched her back forward, bucking her hips against his cock and pressing her forehead against his as her mouth fell open and her eyes sealed shut. A sultry cry left her lips and she panted as she came down from her high.

He pulled his hands away and wrapped his arms around her back, then pressed his temple against her cheek as he began to thrust upwards to meet his own release. He grunted as he drew closer, his once meticulous and meaningful thrusts becoming more and more sloppy. He was desperate now to chase after her high, pounding into her used cunt like a feral animal.

"Gonna fill you up," He growled as his body trembled and his vision began going white. "L-Like the desperate slut you are."

With a snap upwards of his hips he finally allowed himself the release he had been searching for so desperately. His hips stuttered and slowed as he came, shooting thick spurts of cum inside of her with a grunt. Shikamaru panted to catch his breath, then moved his arms from her back to slide his hands along her waist and lifted her off of his lap to disconnect from her. Yuuna pulled back from him and smiled down at the man beneath her, cupping his face and running her thumb along the scars on his cheek. She leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to his lips, basking in the afterglow of what had turned out to be quite an amazing turn of events. She pulled away and he flicked his gaze between her emerald eyes.

"You're a horrible liar, you know." He smiled, running his fingers along her salty skin. She raised an eyebrow and chuckled.

"What are you talking about? I wasn't lying about anything." She said, tilting her head to the side. "I really did hate you when we first met."

"Oh come on. I know you were probably convinced that you had me fooled into thinking you hated me," He started, letting his hands rest on her hips. "But you're the easiest book I've ever read, doll-face."

Yuuna furrowed her brow and scoffed at him. He responded by flashing her a sly grin, drawing his lips closer to hers.

"That smoke break thing was the first red flag." He explained, shifting his eyes to look at her lips. "Why in your right mind, if you hated me, would you willingly drag your feet over to stand next to me, and then ask if I had a smoke I could spare? Especially when there are so many other guys around here who smoke too? You don't even smoke, so why in the hell would you ask a guy you hate for something to fuel a habit you don't even have?"

She sat on top of him and said nothing, simply continuing to trace the lines of his scars along his cheek.

"And that night when I came back to the office and was drunk off my ass." He began, looking into her eyes. "You could have just left me on this couch for someone else to deal with. But you stayed with me all night to make sure I was okay. If you hated me as much as you said you did, you wouldn't have given a rat's ass about what happened."

He leaned forward to press his lips against hers, nibbling at her bottom lip and tugging it gently between his teeth with a cocky smirk.

"You wanna know what the biggest red flag was?" He whispered. "After that night when those punks started following you and you had to call me to get you home safe, I've been walking you to and from work every single day. I know you're not a pushover, Yuuna. You can take care of yourself." He kissed her again, running his hands along her sides. "If you didn't want me escorting you to work, you could have told me to fuck off or threaten me at any time. But you never did. Not once."

He looked into her eyes and gave her a teasing smile, to which she responded by narrowing her gaze and furrowing her brow. He leaned forward again before he spoke, lips barely touching hers

"You've got it bad for me and you're just too stubborn to admit it."

She looked down at him. The jig was officially up. He had her figured out; read her like a book, just like he'd said. Finally, she smiled down at him and chuckled.

"Alright, you got me." She admitted with a roll of her eyes. Yuuna traced her thumb along his scars again, humming softly as she looked between his eyes. "I guess you won this little game of baseball between us, huh?"

He watched her eyes and smiled, leaning forward to close the gap between their faces again. He wrapped his arms around her waist and rolled her over onto her back, pinning her down on the couch. He slated a knee between her thighs and shifted forwards, hovering his lips over hers. They pulled into a sly grin before they met hers in a slow, deliberate kiss. He pulled away and snickered.

"I won the second you locked eyes with me that very first time, Princess."

62 notes · View notes

uzumak1dump · 2 years

Text

i don’t exactly remember where i found these questions but i really enjoy answering them… anyway, this has been sitting on my drafts for way too long so here it goes lol

Favorite male character/s?

naruto, gaara and shino

well naruto is a giveaway lol, gaara coz i just freaking love his character development, he’s a fucking killing machine i am honestly scared back then but now he’s a walking sunflower enigma who loves his friend naruto, shino bc he is actually really funny without knowing he’s funny which makes him more funny lol plus my boy got da drip

Favorite female character/s?

hinata and temari

hinata coz hello, she’s like the loml! i’d fight for her lol temari coz she has big dick energy and also she’s the sister i want growing up, i think it also stems from my love for the sand siblings coz like they’re weird and are all equally crazy, i mean, daz mah jam.

Comfort character?

Neji. DEFINITELY NEJI.

Favorite soundtrack/s?

idk if this is an official soundtrack but “Strong and Strike”. when i fucking hear this starting to play in the background i lose my shit. you hear the drum beats and you know the villains are truly fucked. you know it’s time for the fucking trump card. i also like listening to “gaara’s childhood theme” when i’m feeling melancholic. AND BLUE BIRD!!! HOW CAN I FORGET THIS SONG IM GONNA PLAY IT IN MY FUNERAL

Favorite scene?

oh kami this is hard. hmmmm, i got so many! but i’m gonna go with this one

LMAO LOOK AT HOW DETERMINED LEE’S FACE WAS AND NEJI WAS SO DONE WITH HIM KDJDJDHDHD neji and lee’s friendship would be one of the funniest for me like lee pushing neji to do the most ridiculous stuff. ahhhhhh they really should’ve let hiashi go instead of neji :/

If you could meet an anime character who would it be?

oh wow can i say the whole naruto characters? except for danzo cuz he creeps me out. ok wait hmm my answer would deffo be naruhina and team 8 but if i meet them i’ll probably cling to them until the end of time… so i’m going to say.. suigetsu? coz he’s funny and crazy unstable, we might accidentally raise armageddon or something. also thinking of kankuro, so we can like scare the living shit out of kids with his puppets also he’s one crack character, too so i think i’ll have fun. maybe we can diss gaara until he chokehold us with his sand or tease temari on how she thought shika asked her to do it until she fan our ass out of suna lol

Which character is most similar to you in terms of personality?

hmmm man idk, kushina? maybe bc i ramble a lot irl lol idk idk

Favorite thing about naruto?

the fact that they have hinata in it 😅 and the talk no jutsus. and the fight scenes. the fight scenes are dayum.

Least favorite thing about naruto?

how badly female characters were developed lol

Favorite ship?

guess! loool, naruhina X)

Favorite crack ship?

shikamaru x neji - idk why but they look so cute in my eyes. you know like 2 boring kids who think like they’re 60 yr old geezers, idk why they haven’t play shogi together, i actually think neji can beat shikamaru in it and shika will be so shocked and immediately fall in love. plus they both have long hair. shikamaru asking neji how he grew his hair without a hint of split ends or how he maintain his silky hair something like that. they’ll get married and have that boring, lowkey relationship. shika coming home to neji babysitting himawari, them talking about some village budget cuts or diplomatic things while himawari braid neji’s hair and mirai with shikamaru’s. it’s cute to think about.

Favorite fight scene?

madara vs might guy. i watch it everytime i feel down. might guy fucking disrespected madara like that. i love it. 11/10. lives in my mind, rent-free. and and and itachi vs kakashi coz they’re hot lol

Favorite jutsu/s?

gentle step twin lion fists ;) and any hyuga clan jutsu, also i love eight gates, frakin sick it’s so cool but the jutsu i always like hearing is the uchiha’s katon no jutsus. itachi saying “katon” makes me go feral

Favorite art style?

hmmm i’m not really meticulous with the art style… actually i’m not sure to what definition of art style this pertains to like is this like the design of the character? idk but im just gonna go with that. yeah, i really dig the inuzukas’. it’s kinda edgy, the red fang markings really makes them distinguishable amongst other characters. like i remember when i first watch naruto, kiba was one of the first character i find cool, bc a kid… with a RED TATTOO… IN HIS FACE. plus i also thought the fur in his jacket is his hair and he also has a dog!!! so i was like “damn he’s cool, me likey”

Favorite team?

TEAM 8 AND THE SAND SIBLINGS. pls don’t ask me why or this post will never end, thank u very much.

#random #me dump #lol #naruto #naruto questions

11 notes · View notes

jrueships · 3 years

Note

I’m aware that this was not the point of the kawhi and pg retiring together post but pg calling kawhi honey!!!!! Omg!!! I’m in love with nicknames so this was so cute 😭. And Luka having them for Dennis in the redacted post !! CUTE “honey” 🥲 “kitten” 😳 “SWEETHEART”!!!! Ahsjsksj- *explodes* anyway do any of your other ships have nicknames for each other 🤔

GOOOOD bruh this is SUCH a good ask literally like. im SO sorry it took me so long to finally answer it but I've been looking at this and trying to figure out how to do it justice FOREEEVER it was just That good 2 me. IM SO GLAD U THOUGHT THAT WAS CUTE!!! I LOVE ships where the couples give each other nicknames I DUNNO they hit DIFFERENT!! The way yall be reading my tags 😭 !! IS NICE 🤩🤩‼‼ BUT YEA!!!! LETS GET RIGHT 2 IT!!!

Marcus Smart+Giannis: OKAY so I think that they BOTH kinda like??? Secretly Pride themselves on being GREAT at nicknames lol. Giannis's "khash money and big money" (Khris STILL calls jrue big money its so funny. The bucks love giannis so much and honestly?? Who doesnt??? ((Harden))) I think giannis uses nicknames more tho?? Because marcus wants to be cool and not look so sappy for giannis but sometimes it slips 🥰 ANYWAYS THOOO i think giannis calls marcus like "SMARTIES!!!!" or "MY SWEET!!!" or something endearing old grandparents call each other And like. They run to each other and giannis sweeps him up in his long arms and they spin around laughing all cheesy like that!!! Or sometimes giannis will call him, the very loving, "mahkus shart" or "fart" and then try excusing it on having a relapse on the English language even tho they both know Damn well he's just being a little shit. But when giannis and Markus are cuddling in bed together during the sleepy hours of trying to drift into dreamland, giannis probably calls marcus like.. "stars", or somethin. Kisses his freckles and his acne scars. Marcus probably calls Giannis "gianny!!" On the downlow or "hey, deer" or "beanpole" LMAO. Sometimes "prancer" or "big man" But for the public he does his 'GRANT.' tone but with "GIANNIS." instead to get his attention

Trae + John collins: I think they stick to their usual stupid nicknames like. Trae is IceTrae and john is The Baptist. Trae probably makes jokes about wanting John to wash his feet when they're high together. Trae calls John his "girlfriend" his "wifey" his "bae" you know whatever typical fuckboys use to make their tiktok gfs feel special! John is probably like "dude, im a guy." but can't help but feel his heart beating at the nicknames anyways because he is WEEK and STOOPID!!!! BUT OF COURSE they use the typical bros and dudes and mans!! John probably has to call trae "big man" or "chief" LMFAO. Trae literally does Not have this kinda energy but despite that... he probably really Really wants to be called d*ddy IM SORRY IM JUST TELLIN THE FACTS OKAY. ANYWAYS

Draymond+Swaggy P: swaggy p will sometimes not acknowledge dray if he does not call him swaggy p*nis at least Once a month. Nick could be hanging off a cliff on the verge of falling and Draymond would extend his hand out saying "NICK!! GRAB MY HAND!!!" And nick would just cross his arms and be like "refer to me with my Full Name, Draymond." and then plummet to the void. Draymond does Not call swaggy p swaggy p*nis tho, and will be actually really glad that he gets a moment of silence from Nick's deranged fuckboyness. Nick never wins the silent games with dray. He probably ends up trying to tug on his hoodie or vandalize dray's things to try and get his attention again. ANYWAYS nick tries to get away with calling dray anything really cheesy that he THINKS is hot. Like "hello my gorgeous hobgoblin" or "hey butterfly bae 🥰🥰" and dray tells him to shut up but he secretly enjoys them LMAO. Dray probably just calls nick "swaggy" or "nick". Bitch in the bedroomlolANYWAYS

Pat bev+Lou will: yes, I snuck them in here SHUDDUP my game MY rules!!! I think pat would be like... committing a crime .. kicking a fire hydrant and turning over cars or whatever, but then he'll hear lou call him "Patti !" and he'll suddenly stop and snuggle into his lap or somethin LMAO. Idk... I love.. the grandpas 🥰🥰 crazy man who has soft spot for destruction, crime, and lou will

Jeff teague+LeBron: LISTENLISTENLUS- OKAY. LISTEN. I love their relationship in like a FUNNY sense like.... bron really sweeped teague SO many times it's FUNNY. I like to think about them as the like... D-classed villain, who can only rob small children, declaring the strongest hero Ever as his arch nemesis... and the superhero not seeing them as a threat at ALL. LIKE WHEN TEAGUE SHOVED BRON ONCE and bron just got back up without a care LMAO. I think Teague stays up all night dreaming about one day finally like BEATING beating LeBron.. and when they meet on court he's like "your castle will be MINE as will be your CROWN and your CAVS, 'kiNg bRoN' " and LeBron just laughs, pats him on the back, and says, "okay Jeff lol" and then blows his team out by 50 points . AnNYWAYS yea i think teague comes up with a Lot of not pg13 nicknames for bron and bron just calls him Jeff

Robin +Kris Dunn: kris probably calls Robin "old man" and "twiggy" and "birdnest brain" and a thousand other teasing words, and he smirks up at him expecting a reaction, but Robin just laughs and calls him "peanut" and kris goes home and claws off the wallpaper to his bathroom walls

Myles+ Victor oladipo: myles is a nerd so he loves when vic calls him "myles Morales" because IT'S CLEVER. and hes a geek. Victor gets called Viccy or just Oladipo ! Sometimes thingamajig !!!

Keldon+Anthony Edwards: I JUST THINK THEIR PERSONALITIES WOULD BE GOOD TOGETJER anyways I think keldon would call him "eddy!!!" While Ant prefers to call keldon like "my shawty boo Thang 🥰🥰" LMAO

Russ and kd are the classic "only call each other by the last names until something serious comes up". like maybe they pass each other in the hall. Russ with his classic head down and beady eyes to the floor stance. They don't look at each other as they exchange a cold "Westbrook." "DURANT . " but then when conversations get heated or they start talking things over... Durant finally calls Russell "Russ.." and westbrook calls him "kd." Again .....

Fultz/Fox: they go by fultz and fox!!! Sometimes "Feds" and "Fox"!! I think because Fox is a weeb he calls Markelle the "vegeta" to his goku. The sasuke to his naruto etcetc!! While fultz smiles and thinks about gay astrology/ poetic analogies like " de'aaron.. the sun to my moon. The flame to my hearth. The key to my heart". and feigns petting Fox's past goku hair LMAO

demar/kyle: deebo calls Kyle Fat Ass. it's very romantic

6 notes · View notes

snickiebear · 3 years

Note

Hello hello nadia, i’m in a leesaku mood today so pls indulge me with a three-sentence fic for this lil prompt “you are my best friend and I’ve known you platonically for years now but every time you look at me I get fireworks in my chest and butterflies in my stomach” tysm ilyyyy ❤️❤️❤️❤️

haha... this is, two days late. NIASDUKDSK IM SO SORRY THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST YOURE THE BEST ILY

side note: this is.... kind of what you wanted? AND LMAO ITS NOT THREE SENTENCES AGAIN WHOOPS

side side note: this is now crossposted bc i liked it a lot tbh :")

a cocoon in the heart, a spark in the brain.

It starts with a glance. An innocent, fleeting look. Naruto’s smile is too bright to look at for more than a handful of seconds and Sasuke’s glare is too dark to find anything of interest, so Sakura glances away, as she always does.

She glances away and there is Lee, dirtied and bloodied but he holds Neji’s hand, Tenten tucked under his arm, and is laughing, tears streaming down his face. He must have felt her eyes because he looks over and sends her a beaming smile.

And. And her heart picks up, her breath catches.

She quickly looks over to Naruto and Sasuke, being blinded by the light and dark both, and tries her best to not think of why one look from Lee can breed butterflies and moths in her stomach.

They rebuild the village and everyone endures. Sasuke leaves once more because he is a boy who has never known staying, he has never stayed long enough to put roots in, to know how to stay. So, Naruto and Sakura let him go.

(If she is being honest, Sakura is more than happy to have him leave. Sasuke will always be a rotten fruit in the tangle of her feelings, something that she will never quite understand, something that will haunt her no matter what she does. If he is not there, she does not have to think about it. He’s like a curse, and it hurts her to think that but it is true.)

Kakashi is the Hokage and Sakura is still laughing at him, clutching her stomach and howling at her friend’s “misfortune” as he calls it.

“Mah,” Kakashi half drawls, half pleads. “Must you laugh at your poor ex-sensei?”

Naruto is losing his absolute shit as they clutch each other to stay standing. “Kaka-sensei you do not look good in white.”

“It,” Sakura gasps, wiping tears from her face, “It-It really washes you out!”

Naruto’s knees give out and they both tumble to the ground, a mess and tangle of laughing limbs and leaking eyes.

Kakashi sighs heavily from his desk but she knows he’s having just as much fun as they are. Kakashi is her best friend, she knows how he is when he’s drunk out of his mind and when he’s trying to bite back laughter.

The door swings open and Lee steps in with Team Gai flanking him. Neji recovered incredibly well thanks to Sakura’s magic hands (as Naruto has deemed them) and they’ve been taking low ranking missions since he was deemed fit to return to duty.

It takes a few moments for Sakura and Naruto’s heaving, snorting laughter to subside as Kakashi clears his throat, his eyes crinkling up in the way Sakura knows he’s really trying not to laugh.

She looks up and glances at Lee, to find him already watching her, his eyes soft and smile softer. Sakura is a God Slayer along with Naruto and Sasuke, she has faced down hundreds of opponents with only her raw fists and come up victorious, she has dragged people back from the brink of death with a tap.

Sakura does not blush. Out right refuses to.

“Hey,” All breathless and raw from laughter.

Lee’s smile widens as he steps forward to offer his hand, she takes it without hesitation and thanks the God whose heart she ripped out that he was wearing gloves. She can feel the heat through them nonetheless. Sakura does her best not to shiver as their eyes meet.

“You guys heading in or out?” Naruto asks after he hauled himself onto his feet, not hiding the way he eyes Lee and Sakura’s hands. The entire room’s eyes are on them.

“In,” Tenten says slowly, and Sakura does not blush as she carefully extracts her hand from Lees and does not think about why there are fireworks exploding within her mind, why she misses the heat and the way his hand encompasses hers.

She sees him everywhere now.

At the Rusty Kunai, at the training fields, at lunch, sometimes even in the hospital. And every damn time he smiles at her, she feels like she’s coming back to life and being stabbed in the heart.

Sakura has no idea if this was love or just lust. What she felt for Sasuke was not love, that was obsession and cruelty. She had crushes on civilian boys but they were too soft, unmarred compared to her countless scars, visible or not.

Ino stares at her as if she’s the stupidest person in the world and Sakura smacks her for it. She hopes it leaves a bruise. The Bitch. “Stop giving me that look, Pig. I’ll hit you again, don’t tempt me.”

Ino glares as she rubs her arm, sticking out her tongue. “It isn’t my fault you aren’t using that big forehead of yours! You’re telling me that you two drink together, train together, you go to lunch together, he even visits you at the hospital because he knows you haven’t eaten or slept. And then you tell me you get all those stupid fluttery feelings and you don’t know what it means?”

And well. When she puts it like that. . .

Sakura pouts and crosses her arms, “It's confusing!”

“You’re a genius. An actual genius, Sakura.” Ino deadpans. “Your IQ is literally right next to Shikamaru’s. Lee has been in love with you since we were twelve! There is no way you don’t know what this means.”

Groaning, Sakura slumps into Ino’s lap, hiding her face in Ino’s thigh. “When did you become so smart?”

“When I made out with Hinata and then fucked her.” Ino says easily and Sakura laughs. “What? Don’t laugh! It's true!”

Ino cackles when Sakura pinches her calf.

Lee moves with such elegance that Sakura aches with it.

This boy made man who had known nothing but sweat and hardship, who still cups things with such tender and care, who moves so fluidly and hits so brutally.

They are both the earth, solid and unyielding, they are the water, the hills, the mountains. They are unbreakable because they have broken themselves apart, pushed themselves past the very limit to reach where they are.

Sakura and Lee are 20 and they have saved the world.

Now, they tear apart the training grounds just to keep life interesting.

With every dodged fist her heart quickens because Lee is smiling and laughing, calling friendly taunts as she grins right back.

This is nothing like Team 7’s spars, all bloodied teeth and snarling as Sasuke underestimates her again and again and again. Kakashi, Sai, and Yamato know better. Naruto is learning slowly. Sasuke never pays attention enough to know.

No, sparring with Lee is like dancing, is like thriving, and a fresh breath of air at night as fireworks light up the sky and a butterfly lands on your nose.

She lands a kick to his ribs and spends him flying back as she advances swiftly, pinning him down with a hand on his chest, knees on either side of his hips.

A long pause as they try to catch their breathes.

They’re both breathing heavily, Sakura cannot tear her eyes away from him as he reaches a hand to tuck loose hair behind her ear.

“Lee,” She breathes, ignoring the way her face burns and the way butterflies have swarmed her insides, how her heart is raging against her ribcage. “Lee I-”

“Sakura.” Lee says, voice deep and rumbly and cracking. “Sakura, will you go out to lunch with me? Forever. Well, hopefully forever- you are so very Youthful, you are incredibly Strong, you do not need my protection, but Sakura, let me protect you anyways, just as you will me. Sakura-”

She channels her inner Ino and leans down to kiss him, all lips, teeth and tongue. His hands settle on her waist and he flips them without breaking contact and if they weren’t in public, well. . .

Sakura pulls back breathless and wide eyes before forcing the words out, “I’ve known you for years Lee, you’re one of my best friends.” Her hand on his chest can feel the way his breath catches, the way his heart is pounding. “Everytime you look at me I get fireworks in my chest and butterflies in my stomach. They’ve bred and infested my very insides, my brain blooms and rots with the thought of you.”

He is shaking beneath her, staring at her as if she is Divine and Righteous and she cannot think of anything else she would want except his eyes on her.

“Lunch?” She breathes, hand at the base of his neck. “I would like to have lunch with you. Forever. If the offer still stands.”

Lee smiles wide and bright as he stands, pulling Sakura up with him, “The offer will always stand, Sakura. For you, there is very little I would not do.”

She kisses him again and hand in hand they go to lunch.

Facts:

The very first day Lee saw Sakura a cocoon formed within his heart, everytime after that more would form, more would crack.

The butterflies and moths have a home in his heart but only come alive when they see her.

They never die, no matter what he does.

He saw her crack the world open with a first, saw her tear open a God’s chest. He was the first thing she looked at after. He thought he would become alight with it all.

Lee loves Sakura. He always has, he always will. His heart has a butterfly garden full of fireworks just for her.

Her laugh makes his skin prickle, makes his muscles loose. He is addicted to it.

She looks at him like she sees the green of the trees and the blue of the sky. Lee revels in it.

Sakura loves Lee and it nearly breaks him.

He will take her out to lunch until the day they die and well after.

The butterflies and moths and fireworks never go away for either of them. It is the beauty of it all.

#leesaku #silly things from silly friends #sakulee #a shared pen

25 notes · View notes

anti-sasuke · 3 years

Note

kakashi loser anon im being bitter but sns ppl are so annoying!!!! im here for naruto only why is edgelord here too 🙄 also hi hiiii welcome back i hope u have a great day and break a lot of hearts w ur new url >:3 cheers <3

Hello to my favorite anon!

Honestly mood lol. I don't even like sns so already I hate seeing it but it really annoys me that Naruto often only exists if its alongside Sasuke/ apart of sns. Did we forget everything Naruto did and cared about that wasn't about Sasuke guys lol???? Like it does genuinely upset me and I don't know if thats because people don't know how to turn off their shipping brain or if that's truly all he is to people. And admittedly, its made worse because its w Sasuke. But yeah I actually think I dislike SNS stans more than Sasuke stans lol. Of course there's an overlap in the two but I think I tolerate the Sasuke stans who hate Naruto more lmao (even though I think theyre extra wrong!)

Anyway thank you! Hoping to give a good scare to my muts and everyone in nart tumblr who makes a post I reblog! Hope you have a great day, too 💖

#asks!#kakashi loser anon #always playing w fire since most of my followers are sns stans but thts never stopped me before so

6 notes · View notes

aprito · 3 years

Text

hello <3 since i got these asks at the same time i decided to combine my thoughts on them in this post. yet another annoying sjw essay from yours truly on this blog

before i get into these i think i need to preface why im like. i guess overly hyperfocused on a certain unproblematic base (same age au / platonic canon) for them and avoid the ped0philic content like the plague lol

tw for pedophilia ment, rape ment if that makes you squicky. ALSO THIS IS LONG AND RAMBLY

as i’ve mentioned a couple times already, ive been into the ship since i was 12, back when it was very very common to not only post untagged (nsfw) canonverse content of the two in writing and in drawing but also non con and the like, so you can imagine how bad my first impression online was. thinking back on it ...as a child i found it disturbing but didnt really register how problematic it really was?? (i know, but i also lived in the middle of nowhere and had no one explain this to me)

skip to 2014 aka me coming back to naruto at 17ish and i had kinda become hyper aware of the fact that there was an increasing amount of people online who had come forward with explaining how fictional problematic content, mostly pedophilia, had been used to groom them into starting relationships with adullts. it was also a time where a lot of people didnt believe these victims, not registering how common it was for minors to be online friends with adults who had no boundaries and no qualms exposing them such content. not gonna get into my personal life here but i was lucky to not having gone through this myself. like... it kinda was my first time truly realising how fiction can EASILY be used to manipulate others irl (and yes i will not argue this, if you dont think fictional media can form and manipulate people’s opinions on attitudes, countries, cultures and virtues, pick up a book about the effects of propaganda media at least once please)

i, being young, still liking the dynamic but not really the romance, would point this out here and there in the fandom and get into fights with grown adults in their mid 20s who assumed i automatically hated the ship(s) and tried to restrict their freedom of speech or whatever, heard everything from the “age of consent doesnt exist in naruto” to the “sasori looks like a child what does it matter” despite people clearly playing on him being older and experienced. it made me so upset that people were just consuming all this content uncritically and exposing children to it tbh?? not really just sos but a lot of minor/adult ships in naruto in general. and thats where i sat down and thought, i do not want to be a grown adult talking down to children that point out how unsafe the fandom is. theyre absolutely right in drawing these boundaries and calling out adults who defend the uncritical consumption and creation of this content. i do not want to consume or create content that predators could use to groom minors, and i absolutely do want to let younger people in fandom know that i am respecting their comfort zones and want them to have a safe and fun experience. after all, naruto is not an adult show and i think a lot of people forget that!!!! i am not perfect in that regard but its something that i, at the age of 23, am very passionate about and strive towards to.

and i guess thats where same age au was born for me and i have been sticking to it ever since.

so finally we can move to the first question

aside from the fact that we both dont like canon sos, i dont think it would work out even if i wasnt prejudiced to it anyways. in all honesty, 35 year old canon sasori is not a redeemable character to me, given the fact that he’s easily amongst the cruelest villains in naruto (torturing and killing and taxiderming people for his own fun personal gain, never for a goal that served anyone but himself. how do you redeem having over 300 corpses in your backpack that you felt absolutely no remorse for killing). sasori was legit one of the only cruel villains that didnt had someone else pull the strings, which sends a clear message on kishi’s part, who absolutely loves to redeem villains LOL.

being that old, he obviously had already been very manifested in what he believed in, even if it was shakey, to the point where the first crack in that world view (sakura and chiyo protecting each other) immediately had him give up on his life all together. that, in my opinion, is not a man who’s going to know what healthy relationships would look like, regardless of it being romantic or not. 35 year old sasori to me has the same appeal as an expired can of tuna and he’s probably very happy 6 feet under. he’s supposed to be a failed gaara in that sense that he had no one to look out for him and therefore was never going to experience anything but a bad ending in life. its fine that hes dead honestly, it wraps up his short character development the best IMO.

adding to that, seriously, sakura was obviously interested in knowing why he was that way, and called him out for being seriously fucked in the head, but it’s weird to me that people assume she had any interest in actively rehabilitating him, let alone starting a serious romantic relationship with him. sakura who’s not only very, uhm, immature and straight forward when it comes to her romantic viewpoints also, as a big bootlicker, wouldnt soil her standing in the village by starting anything with a disgraced and far too gone criminal like sasori. shipping that version of sasori with sakura intimately is still going to set her up for a huge power imbalance that would be difficult to handle imo, even if she was the one in the fight ultimately exerting her power over him. i would still look at it and think damn she deserves better than having to play therapist for man like that lol.

additionally, even if you ignored all of this, you cant really ignore that sasori had already known her as a child, and that had been his first and most impactful impression of her. i dont think that sasori would look at 35 year old sakura and see her as a grown woman and not the little green girl she was in the fight. plus, you easily fall into predatory comparison territory between the “childish” and “womanly” and i have seen way too often in fic just being boiled down to her now being fuckable. a lot of of ships do this and i would just like to remind yall thats it not normal for adults to want to start relationships with children they have seen grown up or known as a child when they themselves were fully grown adults. therefore, maybe if sakura hadnt met sasori before it would be less of a problem? but that also obviously defeats the point of the dynamic and the reason he died in the first place. so yeah, it sounds kind of doomed especially if you were to make it romantic.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE SECOND QUESTION

let me preface this that im not fundamentally against age gaps, even if im not super interested in it. after all, colorblind had a 5 yr age gap (with sakura being 21), even if, say, i wrote similar fics today i probably would make it smaller lol. i think it can be handled well if both parties have enough life experience to deal with it, and the author is cautious of where the age gap starts, i think a 10+ year age gap would be fine in a scenario where the younger party (i guess sakura) was at least 25-27ish, meaning she has completed most of her most formative life stages and probably had been in relationships before, meaning she would be able to handle it without having to fear a huge power imbalance. the older the younger party is the less the age gap is going to matter tbh .TsukiHoshino and AngelOfDeath10 both handle age gaps in their fics really well imo, so i do not mind reading about them.

unfortunately, a lot of people in this fandom think making sakura barely "”””legal””””” (18, not even 20 which is hilarious to me because the source material is obviously japanese) because they both cannot stand her being past her “prime years” of being young fertile and fuckable to much older men as well as thinking a 20 year old is automatically old enough to handle that type of relationship. ive seen a lot of unironic takes that believe it will absolve them of callout posts if they throw around age of consent and “shes 18 now suckers!!!” enough lmfao. absolutely hilarious. aging a minor up without aging the adult down seriously reeks of predatory “cant wait until youre 18″ narratives and thats why i find it similarly disturbing as straight up pedo shipping.

ultimately, sasosaku is and will always be a inherently problematic ship in canon, which is why i think it should always be handled a little more responsibly in fandom spaces, ignoring or outright excusing the main problem factor, which is sasori, isnt going to convince anyone that the dynamic in itself is well written and interesting enough to explore in aus, like giving sasori the redemption most of us wanted him to have by aging him down to a point in time where he was still realistically going to allow being positively influenced, similar to gaara.

so really, what i think is well handled age gap and how most people handle age gap in the naruto fandom are two different worlds at times lol

tl;dr

canon shippers have never been anything but gross when i was younger and i didnt wanna be like that, even if youre “smart”enough to differenate, actual creeps dont really care and might use your content to blur the lines, sasori isnt rly redeemable so romantic canonverse realistically wouldnt make much sense and is still iffy, age gaps are fine if they are handled well, but given that the dynamic doesnt really need the age gap to still work im not that invested on making that an essential part of my shipping experience.

thank you for reading and hope this makes sense!

#nonitxt #meta #another hot take from me #but seriously if you're offended over these #unfollow me lol idc #defending predatory content is not a hill im gonna die on in this life

34 notes · View notes

halfgclden · 3 years

Audio

EPISODE 32: A MAJOR OCCURANCE

The sound of spooky intro music plays and fades out. As the microphone clicks on, faint sounds of water and traffic can be heard in the background.

JADE: Hello cryptwizzlers, cryptrackers, but never cryptormentors because we’re all friends here. Welcome to a very special episode of Cryptwins in which we are not actually researching a cryptid. But! Before you shut this off and call us hacks, we are instead researching the recent disappearance of social media fitness guru; Edison Major.

More spooky music plays. There is also the sound of fingers tapping a rhythm. It's typical Joel, unable to contain his energy as he taps the dashboard in time with their intro music.

JOEL: Weeeeeeeell...Maybe we are hacks. —a pause as he laughs— Nah, just kidding. This is the real deal. I'm not sure you're ready for this. This is some spooky, and excuse my French, spooky shit. Tell us more about this Major disappearance? —another laugh— Get it?

JADE: [A short laugh-sigh is let out at Joel’s joke.] Okay, before we begin, two things. One, get ready for the barrage of major and minor jokes, courtesy of Joel here.

JOEL: Got a whole list, be ready! He lets Jade finish, but listeners can still hear the tapping sound while she speaks.

JADE: Secondly, we’re still on the road here, so if the audio is bad or choppy... deal with it? —another small laugh— Anyyyyway. Spooky is right. This all began in September of last year, when @majored posted a picture of himself in a dark basement wearing a weird costume and then immediately went off the grid. And, you know, I’m all for a social media cleanse, people do it all the time. Buuut, what really brought this to our attention was a month later, on Halloween Eve of all nights, when a video popped up of him getting his ass kicked by someone in a Kakashi Hatake costume.

JOEL: Now, I know y'all are asking yourselves "Isn't he a fitness guru? Why was some weeb kickin' his ass?" And to that I say hey! Some weebs are strong, some are Super Saiyan, and others are Kakashi Hatake, the most talented ninja in Konohagukure.

JADE: lets out a laughing wheeze.

JOEL: We don't endorse fighting here. But I digress —a laugh— back on topic. So this guy just up and disappears out of nowhere? And there's not a peep of him until we see Kakashi givin’ him the business. What does this all mean?

JADE: Okay, so, let’s get the full story. @majored goes off the grid, comes back to get his ass kicked by a Naruto character, disappears again, comes back to spit on someone and call them a see you next Tuesday, and then disappears again. And he hasn’t come back online. So what’s up with that? Well... we did a little digging.

Another spooky noise plays over the sound of Jade organizing a stack of papers.

JOEL: Daaaaaaang. I’d say those are some fightin' words, especially from someone who keeps pulling a vanishing act, don’t ya think?

JADE: They really are! I mean, he is from New Zealand, but even so, I think you don’t use that word unless you want to attract some attention. -She clicks her tongue as she gets back on topic- The video was originally posted the night before Halloween of last year, by @ime.are on Twitter. Obviously they got a lot of hate and questions after posting this, but all of them were left unanswered. The only person in the video that was tagged was Major, but upon further examination, this Ime seems to follow and have pictures with someone who happened to be dressed as Kakashi that same night, which has led many to speculate that these ninjas are the same person.

JOEL: So we all know Halloween's a spooooky season. Perfect for parties and all that jazz. But all those costumes make it a perfect time for disguises. Was that even the real Major? Was the person who spit the real Major? Who is this Ime and how do they fit into the story? And who— a pause for dramatic effect and muffled laughter as he tries to stay serious— is this mystery ninja? Tell us more!

JADE: Alright, alright. So this mystery ninja goes by Abel, or @_kllledbycain on the Gram. At first glance, they look pretty much like every other TikTok e-boy; black and white photos, pet snake, the insinuation that they’re dead, whole nine yards.

JOEL: snorts when Jade announces their handle, and again at her eboy comment, wheezing. It's true, it's true!

JADE: And this stuff is so common right now, so nothing really raises any eyebrows, right? Right? Well, tell me, why would a Tik Tok goth go around beating the crap out of a random influencer? Stay tuned for the theory. First, we’re gonna take a step back and look at the whole situation, because, of course, it doesn’t end there.

JOEL: Ohhhh snap! I'm on the edge of my seat, and I bet our listeners are too.

JADE: [clears her throat] So if we go back to the original poster of the video, @ime.are, and we take a look at their Insta, who is on it but... @devinitely? Okay, so @devinitely is in the same place as @majored, clearly, and, for anyone that doesn’t know, she’s been doing a bunch of collabs with @loganvance. This places not one, not two, but three influencers all together in this place where weebs are running around assaulting people.

JOEL: Okay. Okay, I need to know! Where are they? What's bringing all these influencers together? Are @devinitely and @loganvance part of something much more sinister than it seems? [He makes a funny face at Jade and wiggles his fingers, before dropping his voice to a stage-whisper.] Is it some kind of twisted influencer cult?

JADE: Shhhh, Joel, spoilers.

JOEL: [He laughs.] Sorry, sorry!

JADE: [muffled laughter over the sound of more papers rustling.] So, any skeptics out there might say, oh, well, this Ime Are is just a lucky person who happens to be in the presence of more than one social media personality. However, Devin follows the weeb that may or may not have kicked Major's ass. And, according to a cast photo of Rocky Horror, on her boyfriend's Instagram, both the weeb in question and the hot man that tore the two apart were part of the cast. This would be a great time to mention that a link to the video is in the description, as are all the pictures from social media that I'm referencing.

JOEL: [to Jade but loud enough for the mic to pick it up at regular volume] Oh snap, you got everything together in a link? Like, I could click the link to check it out right now? — A pause as he does just that.— Woah, cryptwizzlers, she's not kidding. Click the link in bio, you won't be disappointed. Okay, Jade...hear me out. Given that it was Halloween, the night of nights. Do you think that...maybe it was all an elaborate event? Was it staged? Is any of this real?

JADE: Oh, my dear brother, always the skeptic. Don’t you think that it’s a bit much for him to stop posting entirely in order to get publicity? And we mustn’t forget the spitting on someone in South Dakota, that’s not exactly his brand. Unless he’s trying out something like Taylor Swift and Reputation but... I digress. No, I don’t think any of this is staged, and I’ll tell you why. Let’s go back to the weird cow print basement post. You know who also happened to post something about some cowboy party? Oh, um, Devin’s boyfriend? A picture of him, Devin, and Logan? Which... puts them and Major in the same place on the night that he disappeared.

JOEL: Not a skeptic! Just trying to get all these questions answered. —A laugh— You're right, that's 180 from the online presence he used to have. All theories aside, —a pause— I'd love to go to a cowboy party. Get me a glow-in-the-dark cowboy hat. You know they make 'em. —He laughs again, mouthing 'what?' to Jade.—

JADE: Oh, def. We're getting matching hats. Check out our merch in a few weeks —she laughs— Glow in the dark mothman themed cowboy hats, talk about a niche.

JOEL: Snap, we have to do that now, 'cause I want one real bad. But okay, back on track. This cowboy party. The origin of this theory, yeah? Oh snap...what were those three doing in the same place as Major? And all in cow print too? That's....majorly suspicious! [He trails off into laughter, his voice doing that wheezy thing when someone's trying to finish their sentence before cracking up. Recovering, he adds the following.] Wait, wait, wait. What about—

JADE: Yes, yes, yes. —she cuts Joel off as though he's finished his sentence, chuckling at his joke— Patience, my dear twin, we will get there. —the smile is evident in her voice—

JOEL: I feel like somehow, I ended up as your Padawan for this episode. — he laughs—

JADE: You heard it here, I'm absolutely schooling Joel this episode. — she laughs— First, we're going to backtrack all the way to the original poster again. You know we snooped their whole page, and they're pretty regularly posting pictures with this person, @rengaaay, who isn't an influencer but she makes some of those sick ass roller skating videos... this isn't sus, just cool, link in the description. —a slight pause as she tries to get back to her train of thought— Anyway, what is sus is that she tags two people in her photos all the time... But no joke guys check out their Insta profiles they look different in like every other picture. Which, uh, could just be editing but also could be something.... more sinister? Hold onto that thought.

JOEL: That's such a good handle, dang! Better than @lumberjoel, honestly. I have to say I'm jelly. We should get branded rollerskates, maybe @rengaaay can advertise for us if we ship them. JK...unless? —more laughter as he waits for Jade to get back on the train and pulls up the profiles in question to take a look for himself— Huh...is it editing? Are they masters of disguise? Makeup professionals? —He starts to say something else but is pretty sure he's figured out where Jade's going with this.— What could be more sinister than human chameleons?

JADE: [The sound of papers shuffling can be heard] Oh, yeah, so, it's weird but I think every time the siblings are in a pic together they look more like each other? I dunno if this really makes sense but seriously dudes check the post with this episode because it has a bunch of photos side by side and... yeah. You pull a photo of them by themself and it's like okay, I know what this dude looks like and then you put them side by side and... I dunno, makeup? Contacts? Cloning, mayhaps? And, just so that I'm not just holding on to one thing too much... check their post from August 12th, linked below. Their brother... doesn't have a shadow. Why would you edit that out of a photo? No way are they going that hard to be memelords.

JOEL: Okay, let me look at this. Wha— That's weird as hell. How much hair dye do these two use? Hm. Could be clones? —snaps his fingers—Definitely clones. —he snorts loudly, laughing before clearing his throat— Ahem, uh. No shadow? That's dedication! I dunno, maybe it's some new challenge for the 'gram. Oh...but wait. I found a video. Look, Jade. No shadow. In a video. What the—

JADE: A video, guys. —A moment of muffled laughter before her mic cuts out, but the sound of it clicking on again is followed almost immediately— This is a big family, guys, and a big weird one because their other brother @sleepyfinch... Okay, wait, he himself is pretty normal, super cute, shout out, but guys, ghouls, you know who he has tagged in a recent post? Yet another influencer. Except this one is from Italy? @gaborealis; essentially, he’s a medium, so if you didn’t believe that the supernatural were at play beforehand... buckle up.

JOEL: Wait, wait, I'm still on the video thing. Who has time to edit a video? —his voice cracks when he says video and he covers his laughter as he focuses—

JADE: [wheezing] Shut up —there is no malice in her voice, and she’s laughing too.—

JOEL: So weird, I love it. Oh snap— the @gaborealis? It's time to get ghosty! —echoes "ghosty" and hums the Cha Cha Slide tune for a couple seconds— Okay, so wait. Does this mean everyone's favorite medium is also in the same place as...three? Three other influencers and this weird family of....maybe shapeshifters? No? Too crazy a theory?

JADE: You know what they say, cryptoddlers; no theory is too crazy. Everything Einstein came up with? Theory.

JOEL: Bringing Einstein into it, huh?

JADE: Oh you know it. —a snort— Anyway, according to Devin’s boyfriend’s Instagram, it doesn’t end there. @spencerkeahi, a youtuber and disability rights advocate who comes from Hawaii is also there with that gaggle. Shout out to @elidrising for tagging people and location. So what are these influencers from all corners of the globe gathering together for? Well, let’s take a look at the original poster again. You go on their Twitter, and a few months back it’s all just videos of people... fighting? In some sort of underground place. Mayhaps... the same creepy basement that Major posted his last photo? —a small gasp, as though she’s surprised by this— No, that must be a coincidence... or is it?

Another spooky sound plays

JOEL: @elidrising is the man, dang! Are you tellin' me there's a...—he lowers his voice to a whisper— secret influencers-only Fight Club? I wouldn't put it past @devinitely TBH. Honestly, I'd join one...even though I guess I've broken the first rule but talking about it, huh? Actually— Jay, do you think we'd even be allowed to join? Are podcasters influencers? Poll in my story right now, let us know what y'all think.

JADE: Right now? Joel, this isn’t going up for another week, at least. —She’s obviously trying to sound less amused than she’s coming off— Once we get the blue check we’re influencers, so we’ve got a few million followers to go, I think.

JOEL: Yeah, right now! They'll hear that when the episode goes up and respond in real ti— Oh, no. You're right. Oops. No poll in my story, y'all. False alarm. Blue check, huh? You heard it here, cryptwizzlers, we're gonna get that blue check. Tell your friends, tell your family. Heck, tell that cute barista at your coffee shop to listen to our podcast! We might just do a giveaway when we get that lil' blue swoosh.

JADE: [clears her throat.] You know what’s a great way to get us that blue check, though?

A different, light sort of spooky music begins playing in the background, meaning that it’s time for the ad break

JOEL: Take it away!

JADE: Checking out a little app called Creature Comforts. Alright guys, not that this show isn’t one hundred percent real as it is, but for real, I love this app. A dating sim that features everyone’s favorite... for lack of a better term, monsters. Did you watch the Shape of Water and go, “Damn, I’d tap that”? Do you want to snuggle with a Sasquatch? Do you just wish you could find yourself a GF with more eyes? Well, have we got the app for you. Creature Comforts lets you do all this and more. A choose-your-own-adventure game where you can smooch beasts, marry Mothman, and ignore the outside world. It’s seriously all I want. And, if you enter the code cryptwins— that’s the name of the podcast you’re listening to, no capital letters, when you download the app, then it’s only 99 cents to play without ads. Which, trust me ghouls, is worth it. I don’t want anything interrupting my cut scene with the most stunning eyes in West Virginia.

JOEL: Don't forget that scuba diving date with Nessie! Or, or...that half-day hike with Bigfoot. —he's laughing again smh— There's a reason Jade does the ad reads and not me. But, I can tell you that Mothman is sure to sweep you off your feet. And it's not just because he can fly.

JADE: It’s the —a pause for finger snapping— alliteration for me. But that’s Creature Comforts, exactly how you think you’d spell it, don’t ask us ‘cause we’re dyslexic, and cryptwins, like the name of this podcast. Tweet us @cryptwins to let us know how far along you are, who you’re pursuing, and what mysteries you unlock about their backstories. Now... I think it’s time for a timeline, just to get us sorted out, what do you think, Joel?

JOEL: Personally, I'm still tryin' to land a date with the Creature from the Black Lagoon. I guess we'll see what happens. Aw heck yeah! Give us a timeline, give us the dirt. — a laugh — Give the people what they want!

JADE: Okay — the shuffling of paper is heard once more — We start in September: @majored goes off the grid after posting a creepy picture of himself in a weird outfit in a spooky basement. This is around the same time that the Scarlet Surfer was in NYC for fashion week, which @majored accompanied him to, meaning that it isn’t entirely out of the question for him to still be in New York. Also on social media at this time is @devinitely and @loganvance also both is cowboy outfits, though the creepy basement is absent from both of them.

JOEL: I guess September isn't too early for weird Halloween stuff to start? What with the spooky basement and everything. Right? And everyone loves a cowboy moment— or have cowboys become the new clown? I heard there was a clown renaissance and people like them now? I don't really know where we stand on the whole clown— what?

JADE: I see our next hot debate. Cowboys: Hot or not? Personally, I liked cow print, but I can see cowboys going out soon. Once they reach killer clown status is when it’ll be ideal for me.

JOEL: Personally, I vote hot. And uhhh, not to kinkshame you Jay, but killer clowns are a no from me.

JADE: [tsks] Kinkshamed, by my own brother no less.

JOEL: [a loud laugh] You know I'm just kidding. No kinkshaking, ya heard? I'd literally let the Jersey Devil step on me so. To each their own.

JADE: [snorting] Um, gross.

JADE: Now to October: There is a production of Rocky Horror, a cast photo is uploaded to @elidrising, the account of @devinitely’s boyfriend. This places not only @devinitely and @loganvance in Montauk, but it also places @crispyboiz and @_kllledbycain in Montauk too. These are two of the people that are suspected to belong in the video by @ime.are, in which (suspected) @_kllledbycain, dressed as Kakashi Hatake attacked @majored, only to be torn apart by good citizen @crispyboiz. This video is the first that we’ve seen of @majored since his last post, and he offers nothing in response to it.

JOEL: Okay. Okay. Now, you know I love a good shadow-cast of Rocky Horror. I've always wanted to play Frank. I would rock that part. Am I wrong? —he laughs— But okay, that's - count 'em - three influencers in one place? If @elidrising is there, we can assume @devinitely is too because she was in the same location as, uh, whatshername? Logan? And that's the same location as @ime.are. Who took the video of Kakashi kicking @majored's ass. @_kllledbycain— more like killedbyKakashi, eh? Seriously why are all these people together?

JOEL: [as an afterthought] It's gotta be a cult.

JADE: November to December: Nothing happens with @majored, @ime.are also offers nothing except for quote unquote “#teamkakashi”, which is funny because they never tagged Kakashi, but anyways. Upon deeper inspection, there are videos on their Twitter from last May, of people in a fighting ring. And then people fighting on a lake? But the fighting ring looks super dangerous and I dunno, like you said, cult-y? Fight-club-y? Call it what you will. In any case, we are led to believe that this fighting has been going on for some time in the background.

JOEL: Okay, come on. That’s definitely a cult. I’ve seen the movie, can confirm. — he groans— Literally what is an Italian astrologer doing there? Wait, wait, wait. Montauk? You said Montauk. Montauk, as in on Long Island. As in like —he drops his voice to a stage-whisper— the part of Long Island that peeps believe to be the site of a government cover-up involving kidnapping, mind control, and time travel? The part that inspired Stranger Things? That Montauk? Snap. I can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together sooner. Jade, Jade. What if this is, I don’t know, like, MKUltra 2.0?

JADE: Yes, yes that Montauk, I’m glad you picked up on that. Look, I’m not saying that it’s an influencer’s-only thing, but I am saying that some might be in the area, and maybe involved. At the same time throughout all of this, we have a culmination of more influencers seeming to know this network of people. @gaborealis, an Italian astrologer, is seen in pictures of @sleepyfinch, who was also in the production of Rocky Horror, and has pictures with @crispyboiz and, god, this name is a freaking nightmare, @_kllledbycain. Not to mention this guy has many pictures of weird… family members? Who sometimes look alike? Okay, but seriously, @kodakola and @sonofpeter, how is your hair not straw at this point? Is it wigs? I think my hair would simply fall out. And y’all using Insta filters or what, cause… I’m not gonna get into it, let’s keep going.

JOEL: Maybe they're makeup vloggers or something. Gotta change up the look for views, right? Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe and uhhhh, smash that follow button— or whatever YouTubers say. —he laughs— Okay but seriously, yeah. @sonofpeter, @kodakola, whatever you two are doing to your hair, let me know because I'm trying to bleach my hair and dye it bright purple without it falling out. And since we're doing it at our next stop, well, your advice will probably be too late. But still, what are your secrets? Is it...clones?

JADE: Joel! —she’s laughing again.— Timeline and then theories. —she clears her throat— After that long silence, a Tweet emerges. January 8th. "Can’t believe @majored SPAT on me and called me a C-Blank-Blank-T when he checked into @SDFamilyMotel last night”. This places Major across the country from where we believed him to be, but acting so strangely that one must wonder… was that really him? Or was it someone that just looked like him? Or was it a cry for help? Nothing’s been heard since from @majored, which I guess… leads us to our theories. —a pause— You were saying… clones, Joel?

JOEL: Sheeeeesh, this is not @majored's year. I gotta say, this sounds totally different from the vibe that this guy used to put out on his social media. Obviously Instagram is fake blah blah blah, you know the spiel, but like. Damn. He spit on them? —a pause as he considers what his sibling has said— You know....I think that's a really good point. Was that even the real him? Will the real Ed Major please stand up?

JADE: I know. It just seems out of character, and terrible for a reputation, but it also would make sense if... One, this is a fake @majored, meant to stir up controversy before he goes underground again. And with an action like spitting on someone and calling them a name like that? Who cares what the dude does after that? Unfollowed, cancelled, whatever. And why would this guy want to go underground, well, I'm glad you're so interested. Well, the official Cryptwins theory is that maybe... just maybe, the crazy, government cover-up Montauk that we all know and love isn't that far from truth. We see that they have means of covering up shadows —she lets out a laugh— and people whose faces just change? And who else is there, @spencerkeahi, someone who explains rehabilitation, maybe someone who has experience helping people get used to being a clone? @ime.are, a nurse who enjoys taking videos of people fighting? It all adds up, people!

JOEL: Yeah, seriously. With the real @majored MIA, there would be no one to combat the backlash from this supposed...clone? Imposter? And maybe that’s what they want. Looks like Montauk isn’t the ideal vacation spot anymore, huh? Even if their seaside cabins are super chill and homey. But I digress. Something sinister is going on. Something bigger than we can even imagine. A secret underground facility that’s...cloning influencers? Training them? Your guess is as good as mine. And that’s why we’re on this road trip, isn’t that right Jade? To get some answers?

JADE: Exactly. —it sounds as though she is holding back a laugh or a cough.— Cross country roadtrip in which we explore different topics like this one, and on the way, we'll document our progress and any spooky encounters. Check out our insta, @cryptwins to get all the updates, and consider hitting us up on Patreon if you want us to be able to afford the gas to get all the way to the east coast.

JOEL: I’ll be posting behind the scenes content in the “ROADTRIP” highlight on my Insta throughout the trip so be sure to check my stories. You might get lucky and find some special codes for Creature Comforts but, hey. You didn’t hear it from me. -he laughs and there’s the distinct sound of a bag of chips being opened- What Jade meant to say is gas and snack money. So yeah, go go go! Check out the Patreon! We might even do a giveaway at the end of our trip, get you guys some cool souvenirs we pick up on our travels. Not a bad idea, eh?

JADE: Joel, my ears are literally bleeding right now. Thanks. Anyway, our second theory will also be exclusive to our Patrons, so be sure to get the full video there. Cryptwins... out...

Her voice fades out and the music from the beginning fades in, takes over, and plays until the end of the track.

#c: jade #c: jadejoel #a major occurance

5 notes · View notes