Tumgik
#anyway i feel like Dick's frustration with him here is very legit and so is Linda's though in Wally's defense
Text
Dick + not getting phone calls
1. Bruce makes Jason Robin (Batman 416)
Tumblr media
Dick: "It was quite a kick for me to learn about the new Robin in the newspapers."
2. Jason dies (New Titans 55)
Tumblr media
Dick: "Bruce never called to tell me what happened to Jason. He didn’t know I was half-way across the universe, but he didn’t even leave a message on my machine. If Danny hadn’t found out... Blast him. Why didn’t he call me?"
3. Bruce picks Jean-Paul Valley as the next Batman (Robin 13)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Dick: "You left Tim alone with a lunatic. The kid could have been killed." Bruce: "There wasn't time." Dick: "No time to pick up a phone? No time to call me? ... I thought there was one guy who'd have faith in me. But when it comes down to the test, you picked someone else to succeed you."
4. Alfred quits after Bruce's back gets broken in Knightfall (Nightwing: Alfred's Return)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Dick: "Bruce didn't send me. I came because I'd like to know why the guy who's been like a father to me suddenly upped and split without a word! Because my best friend has been gone for months - the Bahamas, Antarctica, England - and I didn't even get a call! Not even a postcard!"
5. Donna's son dies (Teen Titans Vol. 2 12)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Wally: "Man, Dick, I'm sorry! I thought for sure she would have called you!" Dick: "Robbie was her world. Why didn't she call? I could have helped. I would have... I'd do anything for her..."
6. Wally's wife miscarries and...it's complicated, but for the purposes of this list you just need to know that he didn't tell Dick or ask him for help (Flash 210)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Dick: "What I said earlier, I didn't mean for it to come out that way. You're my best friend. You have been since we were kids. And after everything you went through, I just wish I was the one you came to for help - instead of Hal."
#dick ''JUST CALL ME AND ASK FOR HELP DAMN IT'' grayson#also dick: *does not pick up his phone when roy keeps calling after donna dies*#*tries to hide and then straight-up run away from tim in the aftermath of blockbuster*#dick grayson#anyway the wally plotline is something else flash comics are bonkers you guys#at wally's 1st wedding his wife gets kidnapped & everyone forgets she exists#later they remember and have an impromptu second wedding!#another time he got replaced by a different Flash from another dimension#and that Flash pretended to be him for a while and was in the Titans and it unnerved Dick who wasn't sure if Wally set it up on purpose#you might be thinking ''come on Dick - Wally would never do that''- but wellllll /probably/ he wouldn't but it's hard to say#after Linda miscarries Wally gets the Specter to mindwipe his secret ID from everybody#but then uh oh Wally forgot too! - but then he remembers! - so he tells Linda so she'll remember!#so she's understandably kinda freaked-out that he messed with her mind albeit w good intentions and she needs some space#and then Wally goes and reminds Clark who he is and then reminds Dick who he is#anyway i feel like Dick's frustration with him here is very legit and so is Linda's though in Wally's defense#he was extremely upset by the Zoom-attack-induced miscarriage#and going to the Specter for help is not *quite* as dumb as it sounds because the Specter used to be the hero Hal Jordan#and Hal Jordan was buddies with Barry Allen the previous Flash#anyway later on there's time chaos and the miscarried twins get born after all!!#so it all works out in the end#anyway my conclusion is that if you had the misfortune to become a speedster you just gotta get used to zany adventures#hoc scripsi
453 notes · View notes
p-antomime · 2 years
Note
toji is the synonym of “daddy” and “dilf”. you say dilf and i know it has to do something with toji.
anyway here’s what makes me sleep at night. so i got registered in two libraries a few weeks ago because i’m a nerd who likes reading books... so the idea of someone railing me in the library because it’s the only place someone can see me just makes me go 💦😖 legit will cry because it’s not gonna happen... so the best solution is imagining stuff with my 2D men... the main idea was getting railed by hot lecturers toji or gojo or groupmates ran and haruchiyo (you successfully made me their whore and honestly i have no complaints)
thanks to all of you for coming to my ted talk, now gotta delete myself
this is the best way to get out of a 6hrs class, and * cough * * cough * why not talk about haruchiyo & ran since I feel sad that my fellow haruchiyo fuckers are starving with no content of mine being written with him in a while </3
anyway, let's go
cw: public sex, breeding!kink, cockwarming, exhibitionism.
Tumblr media
groupmates!haruran are so cute, while ran would try to be very helpful, haruchiyo would not be so compromising and it's not even because he doesn't care about his own grades — because he does, but why pay attention to you going over the study script when he can just pay attention to the way your skirt hangs too much when you try to smooth one thigh over the other so as not to let him or ran have a peek at the color of your panties.
it would be a matter of very little time before he slid a hand to your knee with the excuse that he was trying to get some dirt off; his hand going up, up, up, until it brushed against the inside of your thighs and you tried to move away frustrated, nervous and feeling humiliated for not being able to control when or where the bottom of your panties got wet — and it would be a great attempt to escape from sanzu if ran wasn't sitting across from you at the round table surrounded by high shelves in the library.
"it's time to take a break from all that studying, otherwise your cute little brain will fry and you won't be able to think straight anymore", ran would speak using one hand to lift your panties completely and let haruchiyo continue the process of reaching for your pussy.
to which sanzu would reply: "she's such a diligent 'n hard working student, I think she deserves a reward for being like this" and ran agreed with a slurred "mhm" that lasted until he hooked his lips around your neck to nibble and kiss it and, consequently, try to make you relax and forget that you were in a library, a completely public and silent place.
and you tried to keep it that way, silent, even though haruchiyo's idea of "reward" was to make you cockwarm him while one of your pretty-fingered hands was wrapped around ran's dick pumping it slowly for fear of making too many wet noises.
sanzu would instruct you to try to keep writing your college resumes, but every time ran's cock throbbed against your fingers, you'd gasp and out of the blue tighten yourself around haruchiyo's shaft, who would — maybe unwillingly, maybe wanting to — thrust himself a little deeper inside your tight pussy and moan against your shoulder as he tightened his grip on your waist a little more.
if you could finish at least one full page of your summary, they might take turns breeding you in the middle of the college library using your wet panties stuffed in your mouth to muffle the sounds, since the library is a silent place.
224 notes · View notes
mermaidsirennikita · 2 years
Note
Jacob was fine in S1 imo, but fell off in S2. I don't think he's really had a plum opportunity to show his skills yet. Yet, the fact that he booked Emerald Fennell and Coppola movies off his super thin resume and only serviceable performances is amazing/frustrating. Like, I understand Euphoria is super popular, but white actors have it so easy.
Also, I understand it's Coppola, but it seems dumb to sign on to play Elvis so soon after Butler's portrayal. Why would you set yourself up by having to follow him?
I think Jacob has moments on Euphoria--mostly moments in which he has to act like a cold psychopath, which honestly... don't require a lot of energy, where Nate is concerned. He's not like, the worst actor I've ever seen, but he doesn't give much of anything special. The thing is that he has a good agent and publicist, evidently, and he's very hungry. And he's white, yes. He also fills a niche, potentially, that a lot of the other boys on the come up haven't had lately--he's tall and broad and he reads far more masculine than pretty. He can be placed in roles that frail Victorian orphan types (Timothee, Kodi Smit-McPhee) and the Tom Cruise acolyte that is Tom Holland (small, baby-faced, after those action roles like a motherfucker) can't fit into. I do not think Jacob Elordi should be the guy of his gen for those roles... at all. Especially because I don't think he's particularly attractive or talented. But I think that's a niche he's seeking to fit into, and it's not a niche that has seen a ton of competition from guys his gen recently.
And it is dumb to take an Elvis role so soon after Austin destroyed it, and I don't think this is gonna end super well for him... I also think it's dumb of Sofia to do this right after Baz gave such a BAZ Elvis movie? I mean, I won't say Sofia can't direct, because she can... But she isn't the type of person I'm interested in seeing direct a movie about the camp of the world of Elvis. And yes, it's a movie about Priscilla--but let's be really honest here. We can all be as pro-woman and feminist as we want to be and say that Priscilla has an interesting story, but Priscilla very likely would not have a story people are interested in without Elvis's presence. It's shitty, but it's real. And Priscilla knows this and has profited off this, so it's not like... a shock.
I know it's probably not like... a real issue, but a part of me loves the celeb drama implications of this, though? Elordi and Kaia announced their breakup like... less than two months before Austin and Kaia went public, and idk. It does look weird, with all that in mind. I just hope Austin is enough of a drama queen to, idk, break up Zendaya's relationship on the set of Dune and FREE HER FROM THE CLUTCHES OF TOMDAYA. Joking. But like, also, would love that mess.
Real talk though, I think a lot of the up and coming boys are feeling the heat of Austin coming up with a relatively non-sparkly resume (a lot of hard work, sure, but not a lot of "omg look" roles before recently), having heavyweights like Tom Hanks and Denzel co-sign him, a ton of praise for a huge breakout role, and a look that translates to both "pretty" and "masculine/sexual". He grabbed Dune, he's gonna be in the next iteration of Band of Brothers, The Bikeriders is coming up and that's with Jeff Nicholas, another acclaimed director. His come up went from gradual to meteoric very suddenly, and I do think there's finally getting to be some legit competition with the boys in the way there honestly hasn't been enough of (compared to the girls). I'm really hoping Daryl McCormack really breaks out soon. He's similarly pretty/sexy/masculine, very shiftable in that sense, super great as an actor.
Anyway, I think Elordi thinks a lot of himself and is trying to be competitive, but I don't see this working out super well. It's not enough to be a dick in this role, you have to evoke a super iconic person on some level, who just was evoked EXTREMELY well with the family co-signing like crazy. And while them co-signing doesn't matter much to me, audience reaction showed that it matters to a lot of people, and I don't see Priscilla and them being happy with this being dredged up, especially since Priscilla has literally distanced herself from her own memoir at points.
6 notes · View notes
bubbleteaa · 4 years
Text
➴ D o u b l e  t r o u b l e
double trouble;; fandom: haikyuu!! pairing: Miya Atsumu x fem!pregnant reader, Miya Osamu x fem!pregnant reader genres: fluff, Atsumu being a dumbass w/c: 1.1K (HOW?? WTFFF AKJSDS) a/n: thanks for the request anon! And thank you for your words, I love you!<3
Summary: Their s/o has a surprise for him. And after a time, they realize that it is no longer a surprise, but two surprises.
Tumblr media
Miya Atsumu;;
Tumblr media
WHEN YOU TELL HIM ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY
• He would think that you are joking, though. • “Nice one, bae. Ya think yar smar’, don’t cha? Think again” • “Atsumu, I’m serious” • “C’mon bae, ya can’t be serious. Ya wanna laugh” • But you were awfully serious. With a pregnancy test between your tiny hands. • And then he realizes that you are not joking. • If you weren’t his s/o, he would legit run away. • “Well, that was a nice fuck. I just rememba that I don’t like kids, see ya” • But you are his s/o. So, he would be in shock. His eyes stick on yours, analyzing what he could say without making you mad nor frustrated. • “I guess my dick issa miracle maker, righ’?” • It sounded better in his head. • He knows he fucked up a little bit the air in the room with his comment. So he just walks towards you and hugs you tightly, his face bidding in the crook of your neck. You tremble a little because of his actions, but you just let yourself in between his softness and affection. • “I’m happy, ya know” he mutters against your hot skin, smiling lightly “I’m truly happy” • “I’m happy, too” your words kisses his dyed hair, one of your hands still grabbing the pregnancy test, the other one caressing the strands of his hair “I love you” • “I love ya too” he closes his eyes, imagining yourself with a baby. His baby “And to our little one, too”
WHEN THE REAL SURPRISE APPEARS
• “My dick is really a miracle maker, bae” • It must be really a joke, maybe the doctor was clearly blind and instead of another head, it was just an incredible big hand, or feet or a second brain. • But, fate seems to love twins. Too much. • “Yes, there are clearly two of them” your obstetrician looks at you with a playfully smile “Twin twins” • Atsumu is happy. Like, tooooo happy. He convinces himself that he is some kind of a fertility ancient god and that his mission in the Earth is to have twin twins for at least three times. • “I’m so cool bae” •  And he would be also very, very, very clingy towards the babies. And would spoil them without even know the gender. •  “Lemme see my cutie pies” •  “We needa buy ‘em some matchin’ clothes” •  “If we have gals, they would never date a guy” •  “I wish we could have gals, bae. They would be as cute as ya” •  “Imagine two lil’ Y/n’s running in the park bae” •  And he would like to have boys, too. •  “Wait, I know I say whatavaout’ gals but think about boys” •  “One spiker and one setter” •  “Omg I have to call Samu, wait bae” •  He will brag to everyone about the news. He will legit post at least the same picture of the ultransound 10 times on his social media. • ”OMG LOOK AT MA BABIES ARENT THEY COOL???????” •  “Just here to remind ya I’ll be father :D” •  “You wish you could have the life I have, loser” •  At the end of the day, he would always lay at your side and put his head on your lap, looking at your belly, smiling. • He would always run his hand carefully over your skin, feeling them quick from time to time. Sometimes his eyes would cry a little bit for the future you hold in your body. •  The future he wanted with you. •  “But they are a true miracle, my love”
Miya Osamu;;
Tumblr media
WHEN YOU TELL HIM ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY
• Superior twin. •  He would probably know about your pregnancy before you. • Like, he legit is the one that cooks for you at 2 a.m., How was he not going to know it? •  “Samu?” •  “Yeah?” • “I’m pregnant” • Unlike Atsumu, he doesn't think it's a joke, nor does he make any out-of-order comments regarding the news. She just smiles lightly at you and caresses the crown of your head. • “I already knew it, though” he mentions you after a while, looking you in the eye. He smiles slightly and press a chaste kiss on your lips "I was just waiting for you to confirm it" • “I have to talk to Tsumu, tho. I just won a bet” • “Bet?” • “Yeah, I’m the one who is getting marry first and having a child first” •  Yes the mf will propose to you. I stan that. KJSHDJSA •  You blink for several minutes analyzing the situation. His hands are on your belly “What?” • “I want to spend the rest of my life with you and with our baby” •  It’s impossible to say no to that, tho.
WHEN THE REAL SURPRISE APPEARS
• Now, he didn’t see this coming. • But i’s quite funny, ngl. • As always, he was accompanying you to appointments with the obstetrician. Both of you were calm, especially since it hadn't been long since the last visit. It was just an impromptu date because you said that your hip hurt a lot, and honestly, Osamu wouldn't risk anything happening to you or your baby. • But yeye, now something happened to you and your baby. • They multiplied. • And now there are two of em. • “Is that another head?”  • “Oh, yes. It seems that you are having twins” •  “Like twin twins???” • “Uh, probably. Mr. Miya, you have a twin twin, right?” • What a coincidence see ya in there lil samu and tsumu. • Now, prepare yourself for OVER OVER PROTECTING OSAMU. • “Don’t carry that, ya will hurt my onigiris” • “Y/N. Go to sleep, our babies needs to rest” • “Sit”, “Yer feet hurts, ya can’t lie to me”, “Yar goin’ to the bed now”, “Ya dontcha need to go out, do ya? Of course no” • He cares just too much. • sPoiLES YOU AND THE BABIES TO THE CORE. • “Samu, I’m hungry” • “Watcha want bae?”  • And he will cook you everything. Even if he run out of ingredients, he would call Tsumu or someone to bring him some-because he will NEVER leave you alone at home-.  • “I need more katsuobushi and panko, go get me some” • “Oh hello to ya too Samu, how is my favourite bro-” • “Tsumu, just brin’ me the ingredients and stfu” • The babies WILL HAVE matching clothes. Don’t even try to stop him.  • Cute nicknames for the babies? Bet. • “Oni and Giri will love this, bae” •  “Wait, how did you call them?????” • Anyway, he will be very careful with you. Even when you cuddle. He will try his best to not harm you or make you uncomfortable. • “Is this position alrigh’, bae?” •  “I can change if ya don’ feel fine” • “Please lemme know if you feel comfortable” • Kisses. On. Your. Tummy. • Like. A. Lot. • HE LOVES WHEN THEY KICK YOUR TUMMY. HE LEGIT FALLS MORE AND MORE IN LOVE AHHHH IM SOFTTT. • “They are moving”  • “Yeah, they know their daddy is here, they just love you too much” • He would smile so brightly that your heart will do UWU UWU UWU.  • “I love them more” • He is just the perfect dad:( you can’t change my mind.
。・:*˚:✧。 C h e e s e  c u l t : @akaashichigo @drainedjaz @haikkeiji @annalyn-annalyn @mlkytobio @sosugasweet @cali-writes-sometimes @simping4ratsumu @shishinoya @ushiwakaa @from-left-to-write @akaashit-baeji  @kxgeyamasmilk @agaassi @hanibuni @cupofkenma  @kawanisshi @milkandc00kiez  @thiccbokuto @shinsukestan @sufiawrites @wakaitoshi @skyguy-peach @fern-writes-ig @briswriting @kawaiikraykray @miyuswriting @raevaioli @ouikarwa @hakueishirei​ @pineapplekween​ @estherwritess​ @keiji-n​ @achoohq​ @badlywritten-hq​ @mochibeaa​ @oinkanna​ @chxrry-wxne​ @spudicide​ @airybby​ @asranomical​ @karmasuna​
。・:*˚:✧。 G e n e r a l  m a s t e r l i s t: @trashys-things​ @softforshigi​ @groundzeroagency​ @edensxgarden​ @pm4gal​  @yams046​ @thatfanfictionwriter​
2K notes · View notes
honeymoonjin · 4 years
Text
Tumblr media
ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ot7 x reader || ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 11.1k || ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: smut - rated 18+
sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ:
Sick of unsatisfying hookups, boring relationships or the company of your own hand? Apply today for the chance to be on bangasm.com’s very first reality show! Seven attractive young gentlemen will be vying for your choice of who is best in bed. All from different backgrounds, these men claim they’ll be able to rock your world, so don’t hesitate! Apply now!
Congratulations! You’ve been accepted as the Lady in the first season of The Gentlemen.
<- prev || masterlist || next ->
ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: voyeurism, exhibitionism, filmed sex, unprotected sex, oral (f receiving), big dick namjoon serving us tripod realness, dom!joon, and when i say dom i mean both dominant AND domestic : ), impregnation kink, daddy kink, praise, dom!jimin, sub!reader in both of these scenes, lingerie kink (m wearing), copious teasing, very light spanking, french kissing, lapdance, the jimin scene is filthier than the tags give it credit for ngl, oral (m receiving), cum swallowing/eating, aftercare (as always) 
banner designer @jamaisjoons​ | thank you everyone in the sfhs server, you bring me so much joy, motivation and good ideas | AND finally thank you to the anon that suggested [redacted] jimin i legit replanned everything just to make that his prompt
Tumblr media
DAY TWELVE
The mattresses in the room of bunk beds are surprisingly comfortable. The metal springs squeak a little if you move too much, but you wake up feeling well-rested.
“Not too bad, right?” Hoseok chirps, swinging out on the ladder and jumping down onto the floor with a thud. Using his laundry from the day before, he unceremoniously swaps his sleep shirt and boxers for some deep green skinny jeans and an orange sweater. Namjoon, more modest and distinctly more sleepy, grabs his clothes and stumbles back to his own room.
“The beds? Better than I was expecting for sure.”
Hoseok smiles warmly as you hop down the ladder and arrive on steady ground again, toes curling into the carpet. He fiddles quickly with a chunky watch, doing up the links. “Breakfast is downstairs if you want it.”
You throw him a teasing grin. “Not if you’re making it, thanks.”
He has the good graces to pretend to be offended, before tugging you into a playful side-hug, ignoring your squeak of surprise. “No, you cheeky fucker, Jungkook bought pancake mix. He texted me saying there’s plenty for everyone.”
“Jungkook making breakfast?” you ask dubiously, but the warm image of pancakes for breakfast makes your stomach growl. “Let me get dressed real quick and I’ll come down.”
Jungkook, it seems, is starting out the day cheerful as ever. He gives you a big grin when you, Namjoon and Hoseok come down for breakfast, and he makes sure to dish up the biggest pancakes for you, before taking the second biggest for himself.
Jin raises a teasing brow when you come down accompanied by the two men, Namjoon still with his hair ruffled up awkwardly from his slumber. “Long night?” he questions with a cheesy wink.
Hoseok catches on to the teasing nature, letting out a dramatic sigh. “Sadly, Namjoon wanted a rest day, so we didn’t enjoy any funny business.”
Jungkook watches the three of you closely, lips tightening just a little bit before he breaks out into a cheeky smile. “I think Y/n would have been too tired out to do anything more anyway.”
You choke on air, a forkful of pancakes blessedly not in your mouth yet. Beside you, Hoseok chuckles awkwardly. “Goodness, JK, we heard enough yesterday. The gym walls are not as thick as they should be.”
Instead of blushing like you are, Jungkook puffs his chest up. “I’ve never heard Y/n scream like that with any of you guys. Then again; I bet you haven’t made her squirt like I did.”
This time you aren’t so fortunate, coughing on a mouthful that you’d anxiously stuffed in to keep yourself occupied. You send Yoongi a grateful look as he slides you a glass of water.
“Jesus, Jungkook,” Jin grimaces, “we’re trying to eat breakfast.”
You keep your eyes down, confused by Jungkook’s behaviour and more than a little embarrassed.
When you hear Namjoon speak up, his voice is strangely tensed. “That’s really not appropriate.”
A heated pause. “This is literally a porn show,” Jungkook states defensively, “sex is the whole reason we’re here. I think everyone’s forgetting this is a competition about being the best in bed, I’m just- You know what, never mind, pretend I didn’t say anything.”
“You just what?” Namjoon questions. It’s unlike him to be argumentative, and you shift in your seat, taking another sip of the ice-cold water. “Did you really make us all pancakes just so you could gloat? Y/n is a person, not a video game, Jungkook. Have a little respect.”
Jungkook doesn’t respond, but when you glance up, the frustrated rolling of his eyes and furious stabbing of his fork in a pancake speaks volumes.
Yoongi pinches his brow. “Jin-hyung, can you pass the syrup? Thanks.”
Namjoon stares expectantly at the youngest Gentleman for a few moments, before letting out a light huff and returning to his food.
Silence continues for a moment or two before Taehyung pipes up, voice tiny in the oppressive tension. “How many people still have to do their prompts this week? I haven’t done mine yet.”
Yoongi sends him a lightly exasperated look. “Really?”
Taehyung gives a small shrug, glancing to the camboy sitting beside him. “I mean… I don’t think we need to be explicit but this show is about sex. I feel like it’s equally bad if we don’t talk about it at all, you know?”
“The kid’s right,” Jin allows with a wry grin. “I’ve done mine. Tuesday; though I suppose some of you saw.”
Jimin cocks his head, lost. “Saw? Uh, yes, I haven’t done my prompt yet. Actually, uh, if you guys wanna take part, stay in the lounge tonight. I need an audience.”
You send him an inquiring look. “What about me?”
Jimin lets out a short laugh. “Your participation is kind of mandatory. Please stay in the lounge too.”
You appreciate the slow brushes of conversation that ease the tension away. “Am I an audience member or a volunteer?” You grimace suddenly. “Wait, fuck, it isn’t like a circus act or something, right? You aren’t a magician?”
“Don’t worry, the show won’t be that kind of magic,” he promises.
You go to reply, but your attention is caught by the way Jungkook is openly glaring at Namjoon like he’s waiting for something. “Kook?” you question.
Jungkook’s eye twitches. “Why aren’t you saying anything now, Namjoon? So they get to talk about sex but I can’t?”
Jin sucks in harshly through his teeth, sending a look of alarm to the youngest. “Okay, break it up, that’s enough. Jungkook, any more smart comments and you can leave. We’ll talk privately if you need it.”
Jungkook lets out a bitter scoff, but Namjoon is already rising hastily, banging the edge of the table in his haste to get up. “I’ll go,” he urges, “you all can enjoy your breakfast in peace.”
Nobody seems to even breathe as the sounds of Namjoon’s footsteps fade away, a door upstairs shutting harshly.
Yoongi has his face bent, thumb and forefinger pressing to his forehead, like a headache is coming on. “What the fuck was that?” he muses tiredly.
Jungkook doesn’t answer, staring at his pancakes like he’s trying to make them burst into flames.
You bite your tongue harshly, unsettled by how tempers flared so quickly. Unsure of what to do, you stare at Jungkook for a moment. You don’t want it to seem like you’re picking a side, but he has five others around him, and Namjoon is upstairs alone. You slide your chair out, quieter than last time. “I’m just going to check on him. Jungkook; you’re fine, I’m not angry.”
He breaks out of his death stare at his breakfast to send you a look of bewilderment, but Yoongi is already clicking his tongue disapprovingly. “Well, I am,” the second eldest declares, and you rush upstairs before the scolding begins.
Namjoon answers, albeit reluctantly, when you knock on the door and call out to him. He’s well and truly awake and alert now, hair combed down sullenly, the purple looking more faded than ever against the rich blue of his long-sleeved t-shirt. “Are you okay?” he asks with a tired frown.
Your brows lift automatically. “That is the exact question I came up here to ask. Can I come in?”
His bedroom is even more tidy than usual, now that he hasn’t been sleeping there. You sit down on the edge of his bed, feeling an unsettling swirl of dread.
“I’m sorry about Jungkook,” is the first thing out of his mouth as he sits down beside you, shoulders hunched like he’s making himself as small as possible.
You shake your head slowly. “You shouldn’t apologise on other people’s behalf. He’ll say sorry if he wants to.”
Namjoon pauses for a moment. “Then I’m sorry about contributing to the uncomfortable atmosphere.”
Despite the situation, your mouth quirks into a grin and your eyes soften. “Forgiven. I’m more worried than angry, you know? About the both of you.”
Namjoon lets out a sigh, eyes dancing aimlessly around the room, no doubt pondering complex concepts at the speed of light like he usually was. “This is probably to be expected, right? Tension. I didn’t think I’d be the one involved, though.”
“Ah, it wouldn’t be a reality show without some drama,” you allow, scooting back on the bed so you can tuck your feet up, crossing your legs. “We’ve just gotta move past it, I guess.”
“Didn’t it make you uncomfortable?” Namjoon blurts suddenly, cringing at the volume of his voice. “Him talking about you so publicly like that?”
You run your tongue along the inside of your cheek. “It took me off guard for sure. I don’t know; I guess sex is kind of our currency in here, you know? Him being so, uh, bold about it out of nowhere is pretty weird, though.” You shrug it off. “Maybe he slept bad last night.”
Namjoon searches your face. “I’m too much of a prude, aren’t I? Things like that bother me, so why did I sign up for a porn show?”
You turn to face him, brows knitted in sympathy. “Just because others are more open doesn’t mean being modest is a bad thing. Don’t let Jungkook’s bad mood make you believe that you don’t belong on the show or that you need to change. Okay?”
The two of you share a tender moment of eye contact, before Namjoon laughs shyly and turns his head away. You grin at him. “What?”
“It’s stupid,” Namjoon deflects, “it’s not the time.”
“Not the time for what?” you press. “Tell me; I’m curious now.”
Namjoon’s eyes dart up, pausing briefly at your lips. “I just… I really wanted to kiss you.”
Your heart swells, but you keep your face open, your voice barely louder than a whisper. “Then you should kiss me.”
All the breath leaves his lungs in a rush, but before he can inhale again, he’s propelling himself forward, wide hands cradling your jaw steady so your lips can join, a little uncoordinated but perfect nonetheless.
The small whimper of surprise is muffled by his lips, but you quickly melt into him, hands clutching at the front of his shirt for stability.
You can taste the remnants of breakfast, the sweet stickiness of maple syrup on his lips. You deepen the kiss to seek out more of the flavour, breaths escaping your nose as you don’t dare part for a second. Namjoon seems equally enraptured, shy flicks of his tongue making your head spin.
You lean in until your wrists are pinned between his chest and yours, and then lean in more, wanting to be close. Like oxygen to fire, the more contact you get the more desperate you become, and when his hands lower to lift you easily onto his lap, grinding you unconsciously against his erection, you feel ablaze.
“I need to-nm-do my prompt,” Namjoon murmurs out, teeth catching on your tongue with how deeply you kiss.
You swallow, leaning back slightly to take a breath in. “We don’t have to now,” you assure, moving your hands up to stabilise yourself on his shoulders so that he cranes his neck up to chase your lips. “Or have you graduated from Hoseok’s School of Sexual Prowess already.”
You smile down at the way his eyes flutter shut with a crooked grin, delicate crescent moon lash line a deep brown against his tanned skin. His lips are flushed and swollen, and he swallows like a man parched before he speaks, blinking blearily up at you. “I prefer to learn on the job,” he quips hoarsely.
You grin, leaning down to nudge him slightly to the side with your nose, giving you a better angle to leave a trail of light kisses from the corner of his mouth to the top of his jaw, tugging on his earlobe just enough that you feel his dick twitch against you. “What’s it gonna be, then? Am I a naughty student? Slacking receptionist? Do I need to sign for a package, delivery boy?”
The chuckle Namjoon lets out is pained and reluctant. “Was that what you were hoping for? It’s a bit more romantic than that.”
“Romantic is good,” you assure, letting his arms on your hips hold you steady as you lean back and search his face. “Do I get any more clues? Tell me something.”
When he blinks up at you, there’s something open and earnest in his gaze, like he’s left behind that shy boy that blushes at any mention of sex. “Let me show you, love.”
He cradles your back and lays you down on his bed so delicately it takes your breath away. Without speaking, he presses his lips to yours again, and once again you feel unanchored in an ocean, kept floating by the pressure of his proximity. Slower than usual, you move against each other; his hands bracing him up by the pillow, your leg hitched up over his waist to keep him close. Between the soft cushioning of his bed and the solid heat of his body, you feel secure and safe, eyes closed so that he fills your other senses entirely.
The sweetness of the maple syrup on his tongue and lips has long since melted away, but it leaves behind his natural flavour, one you think you prefer more. Aftershave still clings to his cheeks, tingling your nostrils, but past it is the bright candylike scent of his orange blossom shampoo, and they mix dizzily as the ends of his hair brush your skin.
Need begins to pool between your legs, but it doesn’t drive you, instead staying muted in the background like the pleasant heat of a bubbling jacuzzi, hips rocking lazily without any true purpose as you focus on the shocks of pleasure when your tongues connect.
It’s impossible to tell how long the two of you stay like that, no urgency or haste, just enjoying the intimacy and closeness of shared breaths and swollen lips. When he trails a hand down to slip under your shirt, even his slightly calloused fingertips running up your side is enough to make you whimper, sensitised to every touch.
Namjoon groans when his palm covers your breast, gripping it and swiping a thumb over your stiffened peak, arousing even through the fabric of your bra, his mouth only leaving yours for the second it takes to push your shirt over and off, connecting again with a small grunt of need.
Though Namjoon’s body is hot like a furnace against you, the open air still causes you to shiver, arching your back so Namjoon can blindly locate the hooks on your bra, able to slip it off you in no time at all.
This time, when his teeth tug at your lip and you feel the uninhibited contact of his fingertip tracing a circle around your nipple, it’s like a spike of electricity straight to your core, igniting that spark of full-blown arousal. Namjoon’s lips quirk against yours when you let a moan catch in your throat.
When he shifts down, you’re expecting his mouth on your breast, or perhaps him to sit up to take his own clothes off, but he doesn’t go nearly that far. Instead he presses your jaw up, exposing your neck but laying kisses on the underside of your chin first.
Perhaps it’s that you weren’t expecting that touch, or perhaps such a unique place isn’t used to that type of attention, but his swollen lips caressing just below your jaw feels magical, eyelids fluttering as he sucks so, so gently.
His hand never leaves your breast, massaging the flesh, tracing where your regular skin pebbles into the dusky areola, nail dragging teasingly over the bud, and your mind is working itself into knots trying to process all the sensations he’s stirring in you.
If his first time was thrilling, this was nothing short of electric, neon bursts of colour behind your eyelids the only thing you can see. As his kisses slowly venture lower, dipping to the base of your neck, pulse throbbing against him, you picture your nerve endings like purple strands of electricity in a plasma ball, lighting up with every touch of his fingers, lips and tongue to your skin.
“Na-Namjoon,” you gasp out, swallowing to ease the dryness in your throat, “don’t tease, I need you.”
Namjoon shifts lower, but not low enough, chin resting on your chest as he looks up at you with a pleased smile, clearly satisfied with his improvement from last time. “But love, there’s no rush. We have the rest of our lives, remember? To have and to hold,” he rumbles lowly, pressing  two light kisses to the top of your heaving breasts, “til death do us part.”
Your eyes widen. “Oh.”
Namjoon’s lip twitches. “Oh,” he repeats playfully. Goosebumps break out on the tops of your arms at this sudden brazenness. He’d clearly been doing plenty of talking with Hoseok, and to see his hard work pay off in your pleasured reactions probably gave him a burst of confidence. “Are you going to be patient for me now, love? Let me savour you?”
Your breath catches in your throat, so you just nod shakily.
Satisfied with your response, Namjoon quirks a lip before using the very tip of his tongue to trail a circle around your nipple, just wide enough that the bud strains for his attention. Your fingers clutch his sides, annoyingly still clothed, as he moves to the other one, still giving your nipple a wide berth. “C-come on, Joonie,” you complain hoarsely, “I need more.”
When he looks up at you from below his lashes and sucks one nipple slowly into his mouth, tongue pressing it against his upper teeth, you hiss sharply, releasing the air in a breathy moan. Namjoon suckles at you gently, still languid but no longer avoiding your most sensitive areas, and the hand not propping him up begins rolling the other one between his fingers, making you shudder.
You’re so wet between your legs it’s growing uncomfortable, and so you cant your hips up towards him, hoping he gets the message. He tuts at you, but pulls off your nipple with a wet pop and sits up to undress further.
Namjoon shucks his own shirt without ceremony before his fingers find your waistband, and you let him slide off your pants and underwear as you lie back and enjoy the sight of his thick chest and smooth stomach, a trail of dark baby hairs disappearing past his jeans that you didn’t remember noticing the first time you slept with him.
He takes off those jeans, his boxers too, and joins you on the bed again, running a warm palm up your side. “I want to taste you,” he announces simply, carding a hand through his hair to keep it out of your face.
“Fuck, please.” You watch with wide eyes as he lies on his stomach, hands dipping under your thighs to lift and part them. The exposed air has you clenching instinctively, and you swear you can see his eyes dilate at the sight. “Namjoon,” you whine, back arching in impatience.
“Shh, love, I’ve got you,” he assures, peppering kisses from just below your knees, down your thighs until you can feel his breath on your core. “So beautiful.”
You can barely breathe, head propped up on the pillow to stare down the plains of your chest and stomach to the insanely attractive man between your legs. Though you’d grown fond of the kinkier, wild scenes - in fact, your dreams at night had taken a turn since joining the show - something about seeing Namjoon so at his element in this domestic atmosphere has you dripping.
Like he has all the time in the world, he locks eyes with you and blows a wave of slightly cool air over your folds. You breathe out a groan, sending him what you hope is a convincing-enough pleading gaze. He smiles placidly, licks his lips, ducks his head even further, and-
And blows another stream, this time narrowed and colder, directly over your clit. You shudder and buck instinctively in his grip, his hands on your thighs keeping you spread.
“Come on,” you gasp out, “Hoseok’s made you into a fucking demon!”
“Oh, trust me,” Namjoon murmurs, “Hoseok’s version was way kinkier than this. I’m trying to be romantic and sensual.”
You shift again, fruitlessly trying to wiggle your hips closer. “It would be really fucking romantic if you would actually put your mouth on my-ah!”
Just like you know Hoseok would (you don’t know whether to thank him or curse him for this), Namjoon strikes when you least expect it, and when you most need it.
Though his mouth is small, his tongue is no less nimble, darting deeply through your folds to collect your juices and using them to slurp harshly at your clit. You jerk, hand shooting down to latch in his hair, but he continues that constant, unyielding vacuum until you’re squirming hopelessly beneath him, finally pulling off with the slightest graze of teeth.
“Happy now?” he retorts, swollen lips glossy with your slick. His hands tighten on your thighs. “Hold them.”
Invigorated by his command, you rush to grasp the backs of your knees, keeping your legs up and spread for him. “Fuck, so good, Joonie, w-want more.”
Now with two hands freed, it’s no surprise when two fingers find their way into your wet heat, twisting inside you with every smooth thrust. His chin is smeared with your wetness when he lowers it to continue laving his tongue over your sensitive clit, but he groans sinfully into you, like he’s getting just as much pleasure from it as you are.
Once he really gets going, he’s merciless, his fingers so thick that you don’t even need a third one to really feel him filling you, hooking up to rub at your g-spot every now and again to hear the involuntary whimpers you give out.
You hold onto your own knees for dear life, writhing under him as a hot coil tightens inside you. “Fu-fuck, Joonie, I’m getting close.”
His mouth detaches from your clit for a bare moment, enough for him to pant out a groan and stare lustily up at you. “Don’t cum yet,” he instructs lowly, “you’re going to cum on my cock this time, love.”
You whine, biting your lip harshly to try and distract from the building pleasure. “Then you have to- have to stop, Joonie,” you shudder out reluctantly.
To your surprise, Namjoon is even more begrudging than you are, tugging out his fingers to chase a last few indulgent licks up your seam before he finally sits up to kneel, panting. “Are you ready for me?”
You feel yourself grow impossibly wetter at the sight of him grasping his length, slipping it through your folds to slick it up. “Yes, god yes, I need it, need your cock,” you garble.
Namjoon’s eyes flutter shut for a moment, before he presses his head to your entrance, sinking in barely an inch to test your reaction. “Can’t wait to fill you up, love,” he admits, abs clenching with the effort it takes to sink in slowly. “Fuck a baby into you, my perfect girl.”
Your heart races at his words, clenching around. “God, yes, Joonie, please.” Though all the Gentlemen were well aware you were on birth control, there was something wildly erotic about the thought of it. “Fill me up, wanna be good for you.”
Finally he bottoms out, and your thighs shake at the stretch. With your hips tilted up, it almost feels like he’s fucking right into your stomach, so deep your mind struggles to process the sensations. He heaves a few breaths, giving you a chance to squeeze around him experimentally and grow accustomed to him filling you so completely.
You mumble out your permission for him to move breathily, the air punched out of your lungs when he pulls out only to drive deep inside of you in one slick thrust. Your mouth drops open once he begins to thrust, holding onto your knees for dear life as they tremble uncontrollably.
“God, look at you,” Namjoon pants out, chest heaving with excitement or exertion, perhaps a mix of both. One of his palms presses against the top of your stomach, increasing the pressure of his cock inside you. “‘Be so beautiful with my baby inside you, love, tummy swollen. I’ll take good care of you, would you like that?”
You have to squeeze your eyes shut to put all your focus into speaking. “Ye-yeah, I want that, Joonie,” you manage to articulate, his length keeping your mouth watering whenever he’s inside you. “Gonna be such a good daddy, Joon.”
Like a switch being flicked, Namjoon suddenly jerks, going rigid. Your eyes open blearily when he stills inside you, and you moan openly at the fucked-out look on his face, his eyes lidded and hair wild.
“S-say that again,” he commands, and your mouth drops open at the desperate grate to his voice.
So Namjoon liked to be called… “Daddy,” you whine experimentally, grinning when his cock twitches, hips juddering. “Want you to fuck me, Daddy, please move.”
“God, love, so fucking perfect for me,” he makes out before he starts off again with a renewed vigor, hands kneading at your breasts, at the flesh of your hips, at your ass as he lifts you up to meet his every thrust.
The feeling of him fucking into you so intensely has you feeling delirious, unsure if the ringing in your ears is actually the sounds of your own cries, torn from your throat with every slap of his balls against your ass, the weight of his hips jerking you into the pillow more and more every time.
You feel the pressure of his body hovering just above you, the angle of his thrusts changing, then suddenly his mouth is on your breast again, sucking harshly at the nipple. With the way your body moves beneath him, he can’t help but scrape his teeth against you a couple times, but it just makes the pleasure soar higher, neon starbusts of colour behind your eyelids when you squeeze them closed.
“Close again,” you warn desperately, losing the grip on one of your knees due to the sweat gathering there. With one up and one down, the angle changes again, and you reach out blindly to latch onto his upper arm, screaming at the heights of pleasure. “Can I cum this time, Daddy, please let me cum!”
“Fuck, give it to me, cum for me,” he growls out around your breast, and you see stars.
The orgasm that rips through you is powerful enough that all your senses fade suddenly away, unable to feel anything expect a rush of pleasure all the way down to your toes, boneless yet convulsing as he pistons his hips into you once, twice, three more times until he’s taken by the way you clench tightly around him.
He laps clumsily, wetly at your nipple as he spills inside you, before the two of you are completely drained of energy. Panting, heaving, you don’t even manage to catch your breath before you’re falling into slumber, Namjoon still inside you.
--
“He told us to wait here, right?” you ask anxiously.
There are six of you gathered on the couches in the lounge. Television off, the silence is weirdly uncomfortable. Perhaps that’s just because you know that everyone is waiting here not only to see Jimin, but to see what Jimin is going to do to you.
Hoseok, tucked into the smallest corner of the couch on the right, huffs lightly at your question. “He’s Jimin, Y/n. Either he’s up there primping or he’s just making you wait to be obnoxious.”
Perched beside him with a glass of whisky, two fingers full, Yoongi sends a droll glare to Hoseok. “Bold words for a man who’s choosing to watch the show.”
“I’m curious, sue me.”
“I think we all are,” Namjoon adds, curled up beside you in the central position of the three couches. “I think the only one that knows his prompt is Tae.”
Taehyung turns to answer, propped up against Jin’s side on the left, but the eldest interrupts, a crease of worry between his brows. “Not all of us, it seems,” he points out. “Don’t you find it strange that Jungkook isn’t here?”
“Does he know?” Taehyung wonders, fingers dipping into his pocket to reach for his phone.
Yoongi frowns. “He knows. He asked me not to make him anything for dinner tonight. Said he wasn’t feeling well. Didn’t seem like he was sick, just… distressed. I think you should talk with him, Jin.”
Jin sucks in a breath, pauses, and exhales again, jaw flexing. “Sure.”
The six of you lapse into a slightly strained silence again, before Namjoon gets restless, shifting beside you until he finally clears his throat and looks up at Yoongi. “What is for dinner, hyung?”
“We didn’t really have much for lunch, so I’m thinking steak and pasta,” the doctor offers up. “There’s some carbonara sauce in the pantry that looks good.”
Taehyung coughs nervously. “Do we have steak? I didn’t think there were-”
“We had plenty this morning when I checked,” Yoongi cuts in evenly. “Should I be aware of any recent developments?”
The masseuse pouts, leaning further into Jin’s side like he’ll protect him. “Well… It’s just that I feel so bad for Mango! The kennel I bought online isn’t as insulated as I hoped it would be and I know she gets lonely.”
Yoongi groans, going lax on the leather of the couch. “So you figured she’d what? Cuddle with the steaks?”
“I just figured maybe if I gave her nice food she’d cheer up,” Taehyung adds, “and it was just two! Are you mad at me?”
“No, I guess I’m not. Jungkook isn’t eating anyway, and…” Yoongi grins. “As penance, you can have plain pasta and watch the rest of us enjoy our perfectly cooked steaks.”
Taehyung throws himself against Jin dramatically, but even as he moans in misery, a relieved smile crooks at his lips. “I suppose,” he drawls begrudgingly, and once again a light atmosphere fills the room, like everyone’s just sighed out a breath of relief.
You lean onto the arm of the couch, facing Taehyung. “Tae, Jimin’s prompt isn’t too, like, intense, right?”
He cocks his head. “What do you mean? For him or for you?”
“Uh…” Your mind whirls blankly, cheeks heating up as you draw the attention of the other guys. “For- for me. So far some of the scenes have been pretty taxing, and I guess I just didn’t expect such a jump up from Week One.”
Instead of laughing or teasing, the others go a little solemn, perhaps even bashful. “Jimin’s isn’t super crazy, Y/n, don’t worry,” Taehyung assures quickly.
Yoongi bites down hard on his tongue, jaw popping. “We didn’t go too hard on you, did we?”
You suck in a breath. “I mean- No, not individually. It builds up though, you know?” Something niggles in the back of your mind, something you’ve wondered for a while. “Do you guys talk about it?”
Hoseok hesitates. “About fucking you?”
Your cheeks are on fire as you curl up small in the corner. “Not- Not that specifically, but just… Do you guys discuss who goes when and who has what? I kinda wondered why you spread yourselves out, if it’s just a coincidence or if you- Never mind, it’s stupid.”
“We kinda do,” Hoseok admits freely. “Like, obviously we don’t all sit down in a room brainstorming or something-” You don’t miss the way Taehyung and Namjoon instinctively lock gazes, though you can’t quite read their expressions. Hoseok continues, “but we do chat with each other and try and give each other space.”
Jin shrugs easily. “Yeah, like, I’ll just say in the groupchat, ‘I’m planning on doing my scene outside, look outside at your own risk’ or whatever.” The eldest stiffens as he’s fixed with several glares of alarm, including your own. “What? Were we not meant to tell her about the groupchat?”
Your mouth drops open. “You guys have a groupchat without me? I wanna see!”
“That defeats the purpose of you not being in the group chat,” Yoongi points out, though his grin is more sheepish than mischievous.
You make a noise of exasperation, ready to protest further, but before you can open your mouth the doorbell rings.
Everyone freezes.
After a moment, the doorbell rings again.
“You should go get it,” Taehyung supplies helpfully, eyes on you. “Might be interesting.”
Your heart picks up with the cool thread of adrenaline. It’s time. All eyes are on you as you sit up and make your way out to the foyer, the tile cool under your bare feet.
Though the door is a rich mahogany, clouded glass panels on either side betray a dark figure, perfectly still. Even though you can barely see the outline, there’s no deny the expectant tilt of their head belongs to none other than Jimin.
By the time you pad up to the door and turn the knob, his hand is outstretched to ring the bell a third time, and his mouth parts in surprise before giving you a pleasant beam.
You’d been wondering if he was meant to be a delivery guy, a mechanic, something along those lines, but your first glance over him proves you wrong.
His blue hair is glossy enough to reflect the light of the lamp above the doorway, curled in graceful swoops on his forehead and temples. Though he always wore makeup, it was clear he’s set to impress, with a bold russet red lip, powerful black eyeliner and a spot of gold under each eye.
He’s taller than usual, and you glance down automatically, to be greeted with the most gorgeous black heels, stiletto points giving him an extra few inches of height. The shoes make his legs look a mile long, and you suck in a breath as you follow them up, realising they’re completely bare, the only adornment a sinfully tight pair of black fishnets that dig in to his thighs and calves.
In fact, all he seems to be wearing otherwise is a black trenchcoat, falling to mid-thigh and with the sash tied so tightly it accentuates his narrow waist.
All put together, he looks like sin personified, the kind sailors drown for. You can’t help but want to dive in yourself. Trying to go along with the roleplay, you play dumb. “Do I, uh, do I know you?”
Jimin’s smile broadens as his arm falls, hand resting snugly on his hip. “You will soon, sweetness.” Usually one for pinks, nudes and clear glosses, seeing him suddenly in a deep red makes you realise just how full his lips are. You miss the feeling of them on you. “Did Taehyung not tell you I was coming?”
“Did Tae-?” You clear your throat, unsure how to proceed. This Jimin was Amazonian; bruisingly pretty and intimidating in his grace. “I guess not? Was he supposed to?”
His eyes crinkle empathetically, darting past you into the foyer. “Let’s talk inside, shall we? I’m not exactly dressed for the outdoors.”
“Oh, fuck!” you blurt instinctively, and you swear his lip twitches before you’re backing away hastily, ushering him inside. “I’m so sorry, please come in! Do you want me to take your coat? I don’t- I don’t know what you need.”
Jimin steps inside and closes the door behind him in one smooth motion, punctuated only by the click of his heels on the tile. He reaches out to pat your cheek, only somewhat condescendingly. “No wonder, sweetness, you didn’t even know I was coming.” That isn’t quite true, but in the scheme of things, you may as well not have known he was doing his scene tonight at all for all it’s helping you. “Why don’t you lead me to Taehyung? I assume he’s here.”
“Of course he’s- I mean, yes, he’s here. Right this way.”
The two of you only have a short trip to the lounge, where no doubt the other five have been straining their ears to eavesdrop, but every strike of his heels against the floor behind you has the hairs on the nape of your neck standing on end.
In the lounge, the guys are all turned around in their seats to shamelessly ogle Jimin, Taehyung the only one without the gobsmacked look on his face - though even he takes in an unsteady breath at how gorgeous the man looks.
You make your way to him, standing awkwardly in front of the couch that him and Jin share. Turning back to face Jimin, you can’t help but match Taehyung’s reaction. Jimin looks even more radiant in the decent lighting of the room. You can see now his trenchcoat is a lush fabric, slightly thicker than silk, and deeply matte. Around the inside of the collar is a faint embossed silver logo, promoting Chanel as the designer of that piece.
Ignoring the stunned silence of the room, Jimin slinks immediately to Taehyung, tipping his chin up with his knuckles. “Did you not tell Y/n about me, hm?” he questions with a faux pout. “Kept it a secret, our naughty Taehyungie.”
The masseuse wilts pleadingly under Jimin’s gaze, and the responding wicked grin makes you think that Jimin probably told him to keep quiet, only to tell him off for it now. “Sorry, Minnie,” Taehyung mutters nonetheless. “Wanted it to be a surprise.”
“Did you now?” Jimin lets go of him, stepping back. “I suppose we should get down to business, then. Are you all leaving, or do I have an audience tonight?” Glancing around imperiously, you watch as his eyes dart back and forth, smile faltering. His breath catches, eyes dull with disappointment that he quickly masks under a broad smile. “It’s just the six of you, then?”
Your heart aches as you think of the missing person still upstairs in his room. “Yeah, it’s just us.”
Always the professional, Jimin moves on without comment. “Well, then, sweetness; take a seat and get comfortable. You’re a lucky girl tonight.”
Your mouth feels dry even as it waters. Taking your seat beside Namjoon again, you watch in rapt anticipation as Jimin slips a hand into his pocket and pulls out his phone, fiddling with something on it as he strolls slowly into the center of the room, just in front of the television.
“We have a few rules,” Jimin announces. “No heckling, no getting drunk while I’m here, and no touching unless I give you permission. They’re simple, so I expect you to follow them. Got it?”
With his back to the group as he sets up his phone, you’re unsure who exactly he’s addressing, but some of you make general hums of confirmation, all the attention on Jimin.
When the music starts - a deep, thrumming beat with a sensual pace - you can see the change in him immediately, even from the back. His shoulders adjust, head tips back slightly like he’s letting it run through him, and his fingers find the knot of his sash.
You can barely comprehend the fact that Jimin is about to dance for you, breath caught in your throat when his hips begin to sway and the fabric of his trenchcoat loosens, slipping down just enough to reveal the tops of his shoulders, bare except two skinny black straps.
Following the groove of the music, he rocks his head back, hips shifting side to side, and lets the coat fall an inch at a time. A tight black bodice is revealed, structured leather with a soft velvet trim that covers most of his back. Sleeves dangling right at the ends of his fingertips, the coat dips just below the swells of his ass, which are clad in a racy g-string, a thicker band of lace low across his hips and a narrow one running down the middle of his cheeks. Letting the coat go completely, the last of his back silhouette is exposed, the leather garter straps that hold those fishnet stockings up.
“Shit!” Yoongi hisses under his breath, hands glinting in the light and whiskey glass significantly emptier than before. A dark patch spreads across one leg of his pants, evidence of him spilling his drink.
Though he was quiet, Jimin picks up on it, and turns smoothly, lightly surprised and heavily amused, watching Yoongi squirm in embarrassment as he approaches.
If the view from the back is breathtaking, seeing Jimin full-frontal is another level. The bodice has clearly been tailored for someone with a flat chest, but the shape no less speaks to the feminine style of a bra, roughly triangular leather covering the upper half of his chest to meet the smooth velvet straps. The whole piece is just short enough that it leaves a stripe of skin between fabrics, his hipbones jutting out gracefully and guiding your gaze lower, where the front of his lace panties strain with the size of his length, the tip threatening to peek out the top.
He’s hard, you notice with a start, and from the hazy look on everyone’s faces, they’ve noticed it too. Jimin likes this.
When he’s standing in front of Yoongi, towering over the other in his heels, he reaches out a hand silently, eyes darting to the glass in Yoongi’s hand.
The elder gulps, holding it up, blushing as Jimin wraps one hand around Yoongi’s wrist, and takes the glass from him with the other. In a graceful swill, he downs the last of Yoongi’s whiskey, not even wincing. Teasingly, he bends down to place the empty glass directly over Yoongi’s crotch, making him hiss.
Like he has all the time in the world, Jimin straightens up again and tugs the wrist in his grasp higher. Locking eyes, Jimin parts his lips and wraps them around the base of Yoongi’s thumb, sucking off the spilt liquor.
Yoongi groans lowly, cheeks stained red as his eyes flutter shut in a mix of pleasure and humiliation. As Jimin makes his way through all of Yoongi’s fingers, bobbing his head obscenely and swirling his tongue, you think you see the empty glass wobble on Yoongi’s lap, like his cock is twitching in his pants. Fuck. It’s not even you getting the full weight of Jimin’s attention and you already feel dizzy with need.
Once he’s done, Jimin lets go and Yoongi’s hand falls limply to his side. Satisfied, he moves to the center of the room again, hips fluid with the flow of the music.
A cursory glance around the room shows that you’re not the only one heavily affected. Beside you Namjoon is restless, shifting back and forth from spreading his legs to ease the pressure, and clenching them together to try and hide the bulge in his pants. Hoseok looks pale, eyes wide and locked onto Jimin’s ass as he walks away from their couch.
On the other side, Taehyung and Jin are significantly more shameless; Jin rests a hand on the back of Tae’s neck and tugs at the curls of hair there as the younger boy ruts against his thigh, curled into his side even as the two of them focus on the attraction in the centre of the room.
You can only imagine how fucked out you must look too, wriggling against the couch cushion seeking friction with your heart thudding in your chest. The effect is only heightened when Jimin locks his eyes to you and begins to dance.
One day, a few of you were gathered in this very lounge, having enough drinks to get a bit silly and uncoordinated. Jimin had told you all a little bit about his dancing career. From what he’d said, you formed this mental image of him in soft makeup and satin shoes, dainty but powerful in front of an adoring crowd. The way he spoke about music - too much of a heavyweight to be as incoherent as the rest of you - made it seem like it was his greatest love, a match made in heaven.
Though now pirouettes and grand jetés had been replaced by spread legs and lidded eyes, you could still see that passion he spoke of. It enchanted you like a snake charmer or a siren, and arousal entwines endlessly with awe in your stomach.
After what feels like the shortest eternity, the music of the first song fades out, and Jimin straightens up, exhaling a breath like he’s releasing its hold from his body to make room for the next.
The tune that fills the room next has a decently higher tempo than the first one, each beat punctuated by a clap, and he grins when he hears it, stalking forwards.
Between Jimin and the rest of you is a coffee table, and he makes his way around to Taehyung and Jin, eyes sparkling at how Taehyung straddles Jin’s thigh, blinking up at the dancer owlishly.
“Oh, baby,” Jimin coos, “enjoying the show?”
Taehyung nods, not shy but too wound up to speak.
At the lack of verbal response, Jimin grins, perching himself on Jin’s other thigh, making the eldest hiss. “Taehyungie,” Jimin calls in a sing-song voice, fingers winding into his hair, just above Jin’s, “you still haven’t paid me for my services, you know?”
“H-huh?” Poor Taehyung looks barely coherent, interrupted from his grind and staring weakly at Jimin’s glossy lips. You can’t imagine you’d be faring any better in his situation. “What- How do I pay you?”
Jimin faux pouts. “Normally I’m very expensive,” he admits lowly, but the room is silent apart from the music, and since it’s just playing from his phone, it doesn’t impede the rest of you listening in. “But I like you. I’ll take my payment tomorrow. You know what I mean, right?”
Taehyung nods dumbly, obediently, making the dancer grin wickedly.
Fixing his attention on Jin, Jimin trails his fingertips up his thigh and traces the outline of Jin’s cock in his makes, making him groan. “Take good care of my baby tonight, won’t you?”
Jin sucks in a shaky breath, eyes darting to Taehyung, but the curly-haired boy just whines and buries his face in the crook of Jin’s neck, a wordless display. “You got it, Min.”
From the other side of the room, a click of the tongue catches your attention. Hoseok is straight-faced, extricating himself from the corner of the couch to stand up and make his way out.
Jimin swiftly stands in front of him to impede his way. “Where are you going?”
Hoseok rolls his eyes with a shrug. “I came, I saw, I sated my curiosity. I’m not interested in waiting in line to be fondled, thank you very much.”
Jimin seems to have forgotten the music, eyes gleaming as he faces off the dom. “Poor baby too impatient to wait, hm? I’ll let you jump the queue,” he finishes in a husky voice, grinning.
Hoseok eyes the doorway behind Jimin, huffing impatiently. “Nice try. I’m not interested.”
Tipping his head to the side, Jimin’s brows lift in a mix of surprise and bemusement. “I’m inclined to disagree,” he says, taking a step closer so that only a sliver of air parts them. Hoseok stiffens, stubbornly avoiding looking at the dancer. “I’d venture a guess that you’re leaving so suddenly because you’re a little too interested.” Slow enough that Hoseok has plenty of time to refuse, Jimin runs his knuckles all the way down Hoseok’s front, brushing over his crotch. His grin widens, flashing white teeth. “Hmm.”
Hoseok scoffs and pulls himself away, neck and forehead slightly red. “Don’t get too cocky. It was from Taehyung, not from you, peaches.”
Even from the other side of the room, Jimin’s instinctual reaction is clear as day. His shoulders drop and his lips part, lashes fluttering before he can control the response.
If you didn’t miss it, Hoseok certainly didn’t either. He barks out a laugh, back in power again, and steps to Jimin’s side to pass him. “Knew it. Don’t miss me too much, then, peaches.”
Even as Jimin is shuddering at the petname again, Hoseok rears his hand back to smack Jimin’s ass with a sharp noise of impact, Jimin jumping forward with a startled squeak. “No touching!” the dancer hisses, one ass cheek already flooding with a sweet candy pink.
“Apologies,” Hoseok says with a teasing grin, already at the doorway, “I’ll see myself out.”
Jimin makes an indignant cry, but the older man is already bouncing up the stairs cheerfully. Determined to get the sexy atmosphere back, Jimin takes a deep breath and turns back to you all with a rueful smile, but it falters when the music fades out, the second song ending. “Ah,” he murmurs, “show’s over, kids.”
Namjoon, the only guy that hadn’t received any personal attention, sits up with a frown. “Wait, already?”
Jimin shrugs, smiling at him sweetly. “Sorry, Joon. Last song’s a private dance. Maybe another time.”
A private dance. Your breath quickens as Jimin turns off the next song that randomly came up on shuffle, collects his phone, and hitches his coat off the floor with the point of a stiletto, gathering it under his arm.
The others quietly start to stretch, sit up, Yoongi going to fill up his glass again. By the time Jimin makes his way to you, Jin has already lifted Tae up with a single arm under him, carrying the younger upstairs as Taehyung sucks shamelessly at his neck. Namjoon is slower to move, probably still a little worked up and edged from the show, but he joins Yoongi in the kitchen, leaving the two of you alone.
Once Jimin is directly in front of you, your breath stops. He’s gathered the lightest sheen of sweat from dancing, or perhaps that’s just the highlighter on his cheeks, and his eyes are hazed from the excitement of performing. He silently reaches a hand out to you with an enticing smirk.
You furrow your brow in confusion. “Not here?”
“I did say private. Unless you want me to fuck you where everyone can see?”
You gulp at the thinly veiled threat. “We can go.” You take his hand and let him lift you up with effortless strength, pausing when he looks at you expectantly. “Did I do something…?”
Jimin beams like you’re a cute but stupid pet. “I haven’t been here before, remember? Show me to your room, sweetness.”
“Oh!” You rush past him, hands catching to guide him out and upstairs. The thrill of excitement speeds your steps, and in no time at all he’s placing his coat and phone on your desk, guiding you to sit on the end of the bed.
The third song starts with the familiar smoothness of Beyonce’s voice, an older pop song that holds up still, and Jimin slips off the black straps of the bodice, another set directly below them. Arms tucking behind him, he begins to undo the clasps one by one.
“You were being very well behaved, you know, sitting there and waiting for your turn,” he muses, fiddling with the fabric behind him. “Now you get a reward.”
You don’t know what to say in response, just nodding wordlessly, but it seems he is content with that. After a moment, you notice the top half of the bodice pull away from his chest lightly, revealing not plain skin but more lace, matching the panties that struggle to cover his cock. He approaches you as he undoes the last few at the base, and slips smoothly between your legs, letting it fall to the side.
In front of you in all his glory, Jimin looks gorgeous, the inky swoops of his tattoo peeking out from under a sweet black lace bralette, the skinniest straps holding up the delicate cups. In the center is a tiny black satin bow, and you think you feel your heart give out a little at the sight of it.
Even in his pretty lingerie, he’s no less intimidating, and you shudder at the feeling of his eyes locked onto you, feeding on your reactions and pinning you to the bed.
“You like it?” the dancer asks, voice rough with arousal. You nod quickly, still too stunned for words. Jimin hums, winding a hand around the back of your neck. “Show me how much you like it.”
Before you can suck in a breath, his mouth descends on yours, and a shot of electricity runs through you as he spares no time for pecks and caresses. This kiss is nothing short of filthy, his tongue runs over your teeth, he bites your lips, he sucks on your tongue. You do your best to reciprocate enthusiastically, but there’s no question who’s in charge.
With how deep and primal it is, there’s no surprise when you feel your shared spit begin to collect in the corners of your lips and run down your chin. Jimin doesn’t stop, but lowers his mouth to lap it up, pushing it back in and continuing to fuck his tongue into your mouth.
You moan hopelessly into the kiss, hips rocking on the edge of the mattress fruitlessly and fingers holding on to his neck and shoulder for dear life. His teeth are sharp, nipping mercilessly at your bottom lip until your eyes sting, but it only serves to drive more need.
The music in the background livens up as it reaches the chorus, and suddenly the thought of the song finishing and him leaving you high and dry comes to mind. You tug yourself away from him, sucking the spit off your swollen lip. “Jimin,” you gasp out, “I want you.”
Jimin grins. Though his gloss is all but gone, the colour on his lips remains intact. “You aren’t gonna let me finish my dance, sweetness?”
“Wi-Will you still fuck me after the song ends?” you ask, feeling stupid for needing confirmation.
Jimin lets out a soft but condescending coo, hands squeezing your cheeks together so that your lips pout. “Poor baby just wants to get fucked, does she? Baby just wants a cock in her.”
Even as he mocks you, you can’t even defend yourself. “Please, Jiminie.”
He places a single light peck over your protruding and obscenely swollen lips. “Let’s make a deal; I’ll dance for the rest of the song, and if you can keep your hands to yourself, I’ll let you cum when I fuck you. Sound fair?”
At this point, you’d agree to anything, and both of you know it. “I can do it,” you insist even as your voice wobbles.
Instead of answering, Jimin begins to move, following the momentum of the music. Your hands lie at their sides, the duvet cool against your heated flesh.
He starts out easy, stepping back to give himself more space and slowly lowering into a crouch, the heels making his calves pop. Running his hands down his chest, fingers slipping under the lace, he sighs out like his own touch gives him unspeakable pleasure.
You grit your teeth. Watching him touch himself just makes you want to touch him more. He widens his legs, showing the place where the lacy band narrows down below his balls into a thin string. Whether it’s the angle or just the amount of moving he’s done, the tip of his cock has nestled up higher, poking out just to the side of his hip. Shamelessly, he runs a single fingertip over it, tapping so you can see the clear strands of precum that cling.
You let out an unsteady breath, relaxing slightly as the song begins to build to the final chorus. Not long.
Unfortunately for you, Jimin recognises the changing keys as well as you do, and he stands up smoothly, slinking towards you.
Instead of settling between your knees this time, he turns his back to you and bends down, folding himself in half to fully bare his ass. Hoseok’s handprint still pinkens the skin of one, and the sudden desire to reach out and see if it’s as warm to the touch as it looks overcomes you. You hiss and fist your hands in the fabric of the duvet cover, making Jimin stretch up with a laugh.
Merciless, Jimin widens his stance, choosing to sit on top of your lap, ass grinding on you. You can imagine this movement would be much more unbearable for a guy, but you still feel your resolve unravelling, taken by the fluidity of his hips, the lace accuentuating his slender waist, the pressure of his head as he tips it back onto your shoulder.
“This is so unfair,” you complain shakily, and are rewarded with the musical giggle Jimin lets out, bubbling from his arched throat right into your ear.
Luckily, the chorus ends, and the final notes settle down. Jimin’s hips still and he turns his head, lips just about brushing your cheek. “Good job, sweetness,” he praises warmly, “can I have another kiss?”
Your jaw jerks automatically before you catch yourself. Though it’s fading out, the song technically hasn’t ended yet. “Not yet.”
Shameless even as his ruse is exposed, Jimin just beams and twist around so that he’s straddling you face-on. He lowers his mouth to your collarbone, nibbling at the skin there as the beat fades and the overlaying instruments peter out. Though it must only be ten or fifteen seconds, it feels like forever as he rocks himself against you just like Taehyung had done to Jin - albeit less desperate and more strategic - and licks at the bite marks on your neck.
Finally, it goes silent, and you exhale deeply, hands automatically coming up to rest on his hips as he laughs lightly at your successful efforts. “I’m impressed,” he admits, “guess you get your reward after all, sweetness.”
So relieved that the heat between your legs will get some attention, you barely take notice of him standing up off you, at least not until he slips his cock fully out of the panties.
His cock, straining with being left unattended so long, is a far deeper pink than the mark on his ass, particularly around the head. He sucks in a breath through his nose as he strokes himself, before blinking down at you.
“Clothes off if you want me, sweetness.”
You could guarantee you’ve never undressed so quickly before, frantically enough that your hips are hot from the friction of tugging down your pants. You take no note, however, just spreading your legs wantonly as you eye up his cock.
“Fuck, look at you,” Jimin curses, bracing a hand on your hip as he lines himself up. “Don’t even need stretching, do you? Looks like Joonie opened you up for me already.”
Your cheeks burn, but there’s not enough time to dwell on the embarrassment, as Jimin holds you down with his grasp on your hip and bottoms out in a single thrust.
Even though he’s right, the sudden fullness has you gasping a moan, almost falling onto your back. You prop yourself up and widen your legs further, eyes locked on the sight of his cock, nestled underneath by the lushest black lace, buried deep inside you. “Fuck, please move.”
“My pleasure,” he coos with a sweet smile, before the smile drops to a slack pout of lust, snapping his hips with a deftness that you now know is due to his background as a dancer.
You fight to keep yourself sitting up, one hand around the back of his neck as he fills you with every stroke, but the angle isn’t quite right, and you find your pelvis shifting to find it.
Jimin notices your frustration, and wordlessly pauses, grips your thighs and tugs you forward so that you’re flat on your back, ass over the edge and held up by his upper body strength. Without you even processing the change, he’s returning to his ruthless place, and you sob from relief at the way your insides come alive with pleasure, so much stronger than before.
“Fuck, right there! Right- ungh, yes, Ji-Jimin,” you pant out, feeling unbearably hot all at once with the intensity of it.
Though part of you is still sore from the scene you had with Namjoon earlier, your swollen walls only increase the drag of him against your sensitive tissue, and you quickly turn incoherent, tongue so thick in your mouth that you open it, panting as your fingers clutch the duvet to anchor you.
“That good, huh?” Jimin notes with a laugh stuttered by grunts of exertion. Normally, you’d protest or retort, but with your ankles wrapped around him and back arching off the bed, there’s nothing on your mind but the enveloping urge to cum.
Rather than reply, you just let yourself drown in the sensations, vision going black as your eyes roll into the back of your head.
Your orgasm comes so fast that you don’t even notice it approaching, can’t even warn him. It’s like a clap of thunder, making you go stiff with a scream before turning completely boneless, legs slipping down off him weakly.
Jimin curses as you squeeze around him, but fucks you through it thoroughly, only slowing down once you begin to fuss, shivering and wriggling away.
Dazed from the sudden onslaught of pleasure, it takes you a few moments for the fog in your brain to clear. Once you do, you glance down and realise Jimin is still achingly hard, dripping with your slick and the remnants of Namjoon’s cum, but none of his own. He strokes it lazily, gaze searching your face.
So exhausted from two intense scenes in one day, you don’t think you could manage to jerk him off or give him a decent blowjob, but to leave him hanging would be cruel. Instead, you fumble to slide yourself off the bed, landing a little too hard on your knees.
“What are you- oh, Y/n, fuck,” Jimin exclaims lowly as you blink up at him and open your mouth, sticking your tongue out. He gets the message easily, speeding up his strokes as his tip bounces on your tongue, brief sparks of the salty tang of your shared arousal.
He must have been close before, because it doesn’t take him more than a minute to fall over the edge, cumming into your mouth with thick spurts. A shame it couldn’t have been inside you a different way, but you nonetheless chase his cock, blade of your tongue dipping into his slit to make sure you’d gotten every last drop.
Jimin swears lowly, stroking your hair back fondly as you swallow, and helps you stand up on wobbly legs.
Leading you to the bathroom, Jimin sits you on the closed toilet seat as he runs a bath. Having slipped off his heels somewhere back in the room, he unhooks his garters as he waits for the tub to fill. With one leg resting on the high edge of the tub, rolling down the fishnets one at a time, you once again are silenced in awe of his beauty.
It feels unspeakably intimate to watch him unclasp the bralette, slip off the panties, and slowly take his makeup off, easily locating the makeup remover he’d borrowed from you that very first night.
Your eyes sting a little as you’re reminded of that time. It feels like an eternity ago, even though it’s just under a fortnight. You’d thought he was so intimidating back then. Though he still had the power to command attention, you’d seen enough of the kindhearted, thoughtful and sensitive man beneath that the Jimin two weeks ago felt like a very different man.
“Water’s ready.”
You blink yourself out of that train of thought, letting Jimin help you carefully into the tub, joining you on the other side, legs tangled. “Thank you,” you manage to say, still feeling a little out of it after a tiring day and a good orgasm.
Jimin beams, glancing away to obscure some of his face. It’s clear to you that the lack of makeup has him feeling a bit vulnerable. His skin is flushed red - either naturally or from exertion you couldn’t tell - and his brows were softer, eyes looking smaller without the shadow that emphasised them. He wasn’t any less beautiful like this, just more human. Comforting, in a way, as he passes you a washcloth and begins to lather himself up in strawberry-scented bodywash.
“Hey, Y/n,” Jimin starts, but his voice sounds weirdly stilted and unlike him.
“Mm?”
“My, um, my…” He lets out a light cough, avoiding your gaze with an air of forced aloofness. “Granny keeps asking about you. She’s convinced we’re dating, but that’s, uh, I’ve assured her we aren’t. She really liked you, and whenever we chat she asks to speak to you, and, um…”
You feel more coherent than you have in a good couple hours, sitting upright. “She does?”
Jimin laughs ruefully. “I never really knew how to ask you if you wanted to speak to her, or if I should even ask you at all-”
“So you thought now, while we’re both naked in a tub after you fucking my brains out is the right time?”
Jimin’s cheeks colour more as he splutters. “You can say no, I just didn’t want you to… I don’t know. You can say no.”
You beam at him. “I have one rule.”
“What?”
“I’ll hang out with Mrs. Park on one condition.”
The blue-haired boy stares at you warily. “Which is?”
You lean forward with a deadpan expression on your face, making him grimace in worry. “You let me sleep in your bed tonight,” you explain gravely, “I’m running out of options for this Bangasm Bomb thingy, and it’s only fair after you just took me out of commission like that.”
Jimin laughs in relief, throwing his head back with a joyous grin. “Deal! Don’t scare me like that.”
You return his smile, heart swelling from the fondness you hold for him. “Of course I’ll chat with your grandma, Jimin. I love her. She reminds me of you a lot.”
You may have said too much, but Jimin goes lax against the opposite end of the tub, smile never leaving his lips, and you don’t regret it for a second.
1K notes · View notes
Text
hey so “find me” dropped on premiere and i just watched it, so you know what that means??
it’s review time!
(super rambly as usual) spoilers under the cut
before i say anything, let me say, IT’S FINE, Y’ALL. as predicted. people are gonna be dramatic bc there are daryl/leah scenes, but like...we been knew? and some of them were rly important caryl-wise. (tbh, the episode was kind of boring and just a set-up for other stuff, lmfao)
okay, review:
opening credits, which i think most of us have already seen, were cute. obvi there was some weird tension with daryl that leads to the coming-to-a-head thing at the end, but their banter is still cute af
they went fishing and daryl’s reaction to carol was adorable, and there’s an important parallel later on, so bookmark this
similarly, there’s an important parallel to carol’s “the dead catch up to us eventually”/daryl’s “i ain’t gonna let it”, so bookmark that, too
dog is the instigator for the flashbacks, so if you wanna blame anyone, blame him. he races to the cabin, which for some reason daryl, who spent five years in this forest, seemed surprised to see? didn’t you literally map out that whole area, my dude? whatever
cue flashback!
i might have the scene order mixed up, but i think it starts with daryl being all sad by himself, and then dog as a puppy shows up and he’s like “!!! a dog!!!” which is v cute, and then he runs back off. we don’t meet leah yet
we see carol and daryl having a conversation while standing on opposite sides of a river for no reason except to probably symbolize distance or maybe covid, lol. the conversation basically goes:
carol: things are different
daryl: yeah
carol: how long are you gonna be out here?
daryl: -shrug emoji-
carol: i get why you’re out here, and i’d join you if things weren’t...
daryl: different
carol: yeah
daryl: yeah. anyway, it’s gonna rain, and also i’m having emotions, so ttyl
the end
at some point we see daryl sitting with an extremely unhappy face while it pours rain on him in the dark, and i want that as a reaction gif IMMEDIATELY 
also the rain destroys his “where in the world is rick grimes?” map, which makes him v upset and scream-y, and we get the idea that he might be going a bit bonkers being all alone looking for a dead (or, ig, kidnapped by helicopter) man
in present day carol finds the note, and is like “oh dunk, she lived here??” so she knew about leah, and daryl’s like, “i already told you everything,” and carol’s like, “no you didn’t,” so we go back to flashbacks (but i’m still not sure what parts carol didn’t already know?? whatever, it’s not that important)
i’m just gonna hit the highlights of the flashbacks bc they were not that thrilling:
first time daryl meets leah the dog leads him to her cabin, and leah ties him to a chair and holds a gun to his head being like, “what are you doing on my land?” bc apparently you can claim whole forests during the apocalypse, and daryl says very little, and eventually she lets him go
next time dog finds daryl and he brings her back and leah is like, “the dog likes you” and they’re kinda flirty, and then daryl says very little and leaves
next time daryl is surrounded by walkers and leah shows up and helps and they hide in a tree and are awkwardly close to each other and daryl cannot handle the close physical contact so when the walkers pass he says very little except to tell her to never come back again, lmfao
the next flashback is my favorite bc daryl just fucking
goes to leah’s cabin and throws a fish at the door???
i laughed for ten years
he throws a fucking fish and then stands there for a minute like “is she gonna notice that i gave her a fish??” like, no, dumbass, you didn’t even knock, you just threw a fucking fish at her fucking door, what is wrong with you??
no wonder it’s taken him and carol so long if he thinks throwing fish at people is a smooth move. boy has NO fucking game
anyway, leah gets him back by finding him and throwing the fish at his head, being like, “wtf, don’t throw fish on my porch?” which, fair, leah
IMPORTANT CARYL PARALLEL (from here on out known as “caryllels”) #1: so earlier i mentioned the carol fish thing, and apparently the same thing happened with leah, where she speared a fish on her first try and daryl was like “tf?” v blatant “we are supposed to be thinking about carol and daryl’s relationship during this scene” sort of thing
leah’s backstory is bland. had a family, they got eaten or disappeared or something. she, her adopted son, and dog’s mom got away, but the kid was bit, and died the same day dog was born, bc ig when god closes one door, he replaces your dead son with a puppy, or however the idiom goes
ONLY PART THAT GOT ME LEGIT EMOTIONAL: 
leah asked daryl who he lost, and he says, “my brother”
asklfdjaslfdjskl
god i miss rick
i hated rick for so long and now i miss him so much
but i digress
IMPORTANT CARYLLEL #2: leah and daryl have the same “the dead get you eventually”/”i ain’t gonna let it” conversation as caryl had earlier, only daryl is playing the role of carol in this scenario, so again we’re supposed to be comparing the two relationships. lemme get through the rest of the summary and then i’ll tell you my opinion on what that means
fuck what even happens next?
i have these out of order bc they were all the fucking same, but the two of them get closer, and there is the vaguest suggestion of sex ever. you literally only see daryl’s hand
then jump-cut to them sitting at the table being emo, ig bc daryl was gonna go back to look for rick for a bit, and leah is like “who do you belong with? your brother you won’t stop looking for? your family that you left? [side note: that seemed rather pointed, like, “hey hoe, you abandoned your family, that was kind of a dick move”] or me?” and he says he doesn’t know, and she’s like “yeah you do, now choose”
jump-cut to caryl scene where carol finds him at the river and says that she won’t be visiting as much, and daryl’s like “k” and they have a brief argument where daryl’s all snippy, like, “what? do you want my permission for you to move on with your life? i’m not still emo about the fact that you’re moving on with your life, and i also don’t think it’s contextually significant that every time you show up in my flashbacks you explicitly mention that you’re married and have a kid,” and carol is like, “bro, you need to Get Your Shit Together and come home”
jump-cut to daryl having what i’m assuming is an epiphany that carol/fam have all moved on while he was out being emo, and so he decides to go be with leah, except, plot twist! she’s gone. the picture of her and her son is gone, but dog is still there. daryl leaves the note, which says, “i belong with you, find me”
for those freaking out about the wording about the note, may i remind you that she specifically asked, “do you belong x, x, or with me?” so he was just answering the question
aaaaaand back to present day
carol is like, “what do you think happened to her?” and daryl is all -shrug emoji-, and then she’s like, “...do you think she might have just...you know...left?” and daryl gets rull offended, which was kind of funny
(she probably just left, bud)
carol tells daryl to stop thinking that when people leave it’s bc of him, and connie’s name gets thrown into the mix, and daryl gets a “oh here we fucking go” look on his face, and it sets him off
he said basically what we were already spoiled for. “you just want to run, you don’t know when to stop, i shouldn’t have taken you off the boat bc you still just want to run” etc
and carol looks fucking HEARTBROKEN, which hurt me, and she goes into the other room and we end the episode with daryl staring forlornly out of the window 
the end
okay
so quick analysis
i think the significance of this episode is supposed to be so we have an understanding of why daryl is suddenly so !teamfamily, and !teamfuture, and how badly he wants carol to be there with him. at one point, one of them even says, “this isn’t about leah, or connie,” or anyone but the two of them. the title “find me” feels significant, bc the whole episode is daryl grappling with where he’s supposed to go, and what his purpose is, and by the end, he says to carol, “i know where i belong,” (implying, with her and the fam), pulling us full-circle. in the first flashback onward he is lost, but by the end he is found -cue amazing grace-
daryl and leah were flirty, but to me it felt very much like something that was just being used as daryl character development. we barely got anything that juicy between the two of them (except the fish throwing thing, that was amazing), and i still don’t think that it would make any sense, regardless of the showrunner, to pair daryl up with some rando after having so many other choices that people would have preferred. i don’t think we’re meant to #endgame ship it, so much as we are supposed to be like, “oh, ok, daryl learned the power of family and stability and leveled up, -you know what that is? growth gif-” as a result, i literally have no idea what leah’s role is gonna be in s11, but i don’t think it’ll be a huge plot point
so now we firmly know where daryl stands. he is all about moving forward, not looking back, and doing the best he can, and he’s frustrated bc when he took carol off the boat he wanted her to be in the same place as him so that they could grow together, but she wasn’t and isn’t there yet
so my guess is that what’s next for carol’s storyline is her reaching that same zen-level daryl’s at
once they’re both there, then they get to ride off into the sunset and make passionate love under the moon casting shadows over the vast desert wasteland 
whew
anyway
tl;dr: idk, episode was fine, if not kinda boring. lots of caryllels. can i go back to writing my vietnam war au now? 
the end
(stay hype, stan kang, and get daryl to call carol sweetheart 2k21),
-diz
97 notes · View notes
simptasia · 4 years
Text
lost characters based solely on how i portray them in my text post memes
jack: constantly crying and/or screaming. no emotional stability. no social skills. terrible bedside manner. endearingly bland. into powerful women. loves the red sox... a lot. daddy issues. doesn’t believe in himself. has shitty tattoos. being crushed under the weight of everybody’s expectations. more or less hot. he is not cool at all. repressed attraction to guys. chronic hero syndrome. adorably embarrassing as a dad. passionately and violently overreacts to the mere concept of people believing in things. mansplains but in a non malicious way because he is literally that oblivious. gets into fights a lot. dissociates in mirrors. gets injured a lot but doesn’t wanna make a fuss. thinking about caves
kate: desperate need to protect women. bi. is frustrated by jack and sawyer’s personalities but wants to fuck them oh so much. rowdy. feminist. biceps. will call you out. is love with claire and jack and sun and- she has a lot of love to give. she can be ur angel or ur devil. exasperated. doesn’t understand astrology but she’s trying. she’s the slytherin friend every hufflepuff needs. uses guns. doesn’t know how to cook. go to relationship advice is “dump him” or “suck his dick”.  just because you put things in her vagina doesn’t mean you know her. gemini
hurley: sad clown. haha laughter! hiding real pain! has debilitating mental illness. he’s doing his best to stay positive. virgin. genuinely kind soul. overwhelmed by food. awkward around girls he likes. much smarter and wiser than anybody thinks, including himself. a special boy who we all love. says dude a lot. the only valid rich person ever. doesn’t like himself. sees dead people. kinda silly. also he’s fat (but i don’t joke about it in a cruel way)
sawyer: compulsive need to nickname people. from the south. bewildered by charlie’s english slang. covering up vulnerability with jokes and being mean. loves juliet. is an asshole but a loveable asshole (this varies, mostly he’s an asshole). conventionally attractive to the point of boring. got a Thing going on with miles. can’t stand daniel being smart around him. babies freak him out. treats animals poorly
locke: very supportive and new agey type. i’ve made two jokes about him encouraging people to jack off, that wasn’t on purpose but Okay. he doesn’t know what its like to have friends. he says Deep Sounding but odd things. he’s super duper into nature. he suffers. he’s very forgiving of ben to the point of absurdity and he desperately wants ben to love and fuck him. or maybe they are fucking. Who Knows. he loves knifes
sayid: sexy, suffering shannon fucker. he doesn’t respect boone. his life is an endless parade of misery culminating in going on autopilot. respects women
jin: he has no idea what’s going on and his life revolves around sun
sun: beautiful. perfect. very passionate about gardening
claire: bi. frequently ignored. cutesy and sweet. super into astrology and new age stuff. her cheery demeanour can only hold on so long before she loses it. kinda dumb. has baby. vanilla, at least for now. loves charlie but is kinda frustrated by him. goes feral and “kitten thinks of murder all day” sums it up
charlie: that he needs attention and validation to survive would be a gross understatement. bi. trans. punk. stupid. english. really horny and slutty. adores music more than anything. drug addict (again, i refuse to be cruel). severe jealousy issues. inferiority superiority complex. hates himself but will get offended if you hate him. can’t take any form of criticism. is bewildered by sawyer’s american-isms. bit of a madonna whore complex. smol but will go the fuck off like a terrier nipping at ya heels. catholic and riddled with catholic guilt. goofy and obnoxious and he knows it. passive aggressive. terrified of bees. nice ass. mood swings. did i mention he’s short? anyway here’s wonderwall
ben: ugly. just plain terrible. beaten and bruised. seething with rage and pain on the inside. virgin. liar. just causes problems on purpose. resembles a lemur or rat, rodents in general. loves bunnies. doesn’t think sex is real. just a really bad idea for him to be around juliet. has no friends. doesn’t care about other people. says creepy shit just because. he knows he’s a terrible person. killed people. the friend nobody likes and a general nuisance to the other characters
(also my literal first text post meme about ben was a joke about him eating his parents??? 2014 sapphire, i wanna talk...)
juliet: mom friend. seems very calm but she’s screaming on the inside. basically she’s the This Is Fine meme. depressed. has big tits. low-key kinky. feminist in a very gentle way. has no ill will towards kate and will only fight her for fun. concerned for daniel’s well being. has no chemistry with jack. loves sawyer. flat measured calm way of speaking. she’s breaking apart at the seams but will offer you a nice glass of water :)))
michael: has a son..... uh...... enjoys minecraft?
(i’m sorry)
desmond: scottish. drinks. easily and constantly confused. magic psychic time powers, like visions and electromagnetic dimensional stuff. easily angered. fucked off by the concept of time and destiny in general. hhhhhhhot
smokey: Hello Fellow Humans I Promise This Is My Own Skin Haha
miles: bi. aro. loves money (trying to fill the hole in his heart with money and things). emo/punk. pretends not to care but he really does care. thinks emotions and romance are dumb but of course is emotional... and kinda wants love. but not that he LIKES you or anything. exasperated. thinks everybody else is weird. kinda slutty or at least trying to be. masochist and into BDSM. mean to daniel for no reason. daddy issues. resting bitch face. jaded, bitter and salty. responds to romantic things dan or char say with vulgar or mocking comments. grew up poor. can hear dead people. trying too hard to be edgy. deadpan snarker. Fuck Off I’m Not Sad Don’t Look At Me [cries only around the audience and his mom]
walt: becoming older than 10 was when things went downhill for him
shannon: seems vapid but is more than that. deeply insecure. feels she can’t do anything right. constantly put down as worthless by other people. yeah she’s sad but she Looks Great. wants sayid to pound her (mood)
(gee, that was dark)
richard: very old and ageless. sees ben as a son figure. really not holding it together. seems smart but he has no fucking idea whats going on. cult mindset. quips curtly back at miles’ vulgar jokes. in love with miles based on very little interaction. misses his dead wife. has a cute giggle. is also hot. overwhelmed and just wants to go into the jungle and scream
frank: doesn’t understand what anybody is talking about. the only normal person here. doesn’t understand these kids today with their weird kinks. just wants to sleep. pilot. bit of a conspiracy theorist
boone: bi. stupid. soaked in blood a lot.  (L I T E R A L L Y all of my boone jokes are about him being dumb and bi and horribly injured and combos of those. i haven’t even made any incest jokes! what the actual fuck)
ana lucia: “[with tears in her eyes] DO U WANNA FIGHT??”. highly volatile. lesbian. bros with jack but will roast him. angery, sad and underloved
daniel: bi, agender, neurodivergent, just, just especially brain weird. The Scientist trope but kind of a shitty scientist. smart. in love with charlotte. in love with desmond. likes rats a lot. talks weird and soft spoken. withdrawn and polite but with bursts of bitterness. his mom won’t let him live the live he wants to live. time travel weirdness. loves music. gifted kid burn out. has a mental and emotional collapse. thinks a hydrogen bomb will solve all his problems. skinny. touches people a lot. he’s not okay. romantic. overwhelmed. memory problems. his lack of life experience and softness is used to contrast miles. takes some statements literally. pretty vanilla (for now) and doesn’t know what certain kinks are. likes that charlotte is Tough & Rowdy. doesn’t swear much. bad hair. was unhinged in college. has radiation poisoning
libby: neurodivergent and in love with hurley
eko: yeah... i’ve legit only used him for jokes where charlie says something EXTREMELY vulgar and eko says “go to church”
charlotte: bi, loud, passionate, beautiful, angery, knows All The Languages, huge nerd, loves daniel and thinks he’s a Snack, outspoken feminist, archaeologist/anthropologist and wants to explore some fucking ruins, The Lost Lenore trope, loves chocolate, exasperated, great smile, subtly insecure, doesn’t get that she could just tell daniel how she feels, has had many indiana jones like adventures (off screen, of course), for example: crashing her dirtbike into all 7 wonders of the world
danielle: french and unhinged, has seen some shit
alex: just a young lady with no chill
jacob: suffers from terminal apathy. has little understand of human behaviour. doesn’t care about people. he just plain sucks. has no endearing qualities. causes many problems. beats the shit outta richard. doesn’t like technology. so removed from humanity that he’s a touch uncanny valley
christian, eloise, charles and anthony jokes each have their own kind of flavours but fuck it, i’ll sum them all up as: contemptuous cunts who deserve to die
aaron: just a baby boy. does baby things. has like 5 parents
vincent: a dog. a good boy. does he know more than he lets on? is he mysterious? no, he is just a dog
14 notes · View notes
twilightofthe · 5 years
Note
In celebration of Mutual Acquaintances.. Satine: 5, 6, 7, 8, 28, 31, 42, 47, 48; Obi-Wan: 7, 8, 12, 14, 27, 31, 33, 47, 48; Padmé: 4, 6, 7, 8, 12, 18, 19, 28, 33, 34, 39, 42; The Disaster Boi: 10, 12, 14, 18, 20, 22, 28, 29, 31, 33 and bc we all need more sexuality headcanons, 13 for ALL of them
Whooo-WEE here we go, thank you!  Get ready for VERY VERY LONG Rambling!
SATINE
(5) Cleanliness habits: Oh, she’s a total neat freak.  Everything in her office is minimalist style and organized to a T.  If someone moved something even an inch, she’ll be hounding everyone about who was messing with her stuff.  Constantly washing hands, very clean, doesn’t like dust on stuff at all (has a bit of a dust allergy, actually.  Lily pollen getting everywhere is a Problem for her).  She’s practical, however, and if she HAS to get down and dirty, she will-- of course not without a suitable amount of icky faces made plus a side of complaints xD
(6) Eating habits and sample daily menu: Ok so we’ve got canon showing her eating meat, but don’t tell me Super Pacifism Lady wouldn’t IRL be that one ubervegan friend of yours on Facebook who’s constantly posting weird things about it and you gotta be like “aight Katie chill”.  ANYWAY, so I’d say Satine in canon eats healthy-ish?  She’s not the biggest fan of breakfast foods and is always up in the morning doing stuff, so she sometimes forgets to have anything besides black coffee.  She’s not a particularly picky eater so she’ll eat whatever the cook is serving that day, but she prefers simpler meals, and can cook for herself (which came in handy during the Year On The Run because neither Obi Wan nor Qui Gon can cook for shit (my canon is no one in that line besides Anakin can cook and I’ll die with it) and eventually Satine was like “guys, I’m sorry, but no, u can’t try and protect me and then poison me at dinnertime.  I’ll cook”).  She does like to pair her evening meals with whatever drink she’s having that night.  I also h/c her as a functioning alcoholic, so she’s always got SOMETHING to drink, but she is trying to work on restraint and control because when she was younger it got... Not Good at one point.  She also has a sweet tooth though, and she really likes chocolate!
(7) Fave way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time: Satine is a... twitchy.... individual with a stressful job, so she is kinda conditioned into stressing the heck out if she’s got too much free time.  Therefore, a lot of her free time is spent trying to relax.  Cleaning is theraputic for her, so she does clean (yes, there is a cleaning droid but it is nOT GOOD ENOUGH) when she can.  She likes that Mando sword box game we saw Sabine and Fenn Rau playing in Rebels, it clears her head and lets her practice problem solving.  She likes going for walks too.  She’ll sneak down to the kitchens and just make a bunch of sandwiches.  She does enjoy beautiful things, so I’d say shopping for dresses or browsing art galleries is good too.  I also think she’d be the type to read and write poetry, then save bits she likes.
(8) Indulgences: Look, Satine likes Nice Things, ok?  She does consider fancy wardrobe and buying nice paintings a bit of an indulgence, but she adores color so she excuses that as promoting happiness for the people. As so she does a fancy ship and other fancy trinkets around the house. She’s not a huge fan of most people touching her, but she allowed a massage once... she would be amendable to perhaps another in the future.........  Scented candles are nice too, clears the head.  She refuses to consider chocolate an indulgence because it is obviously the gods’ gift to humanity, excuse you.  Are we calling lusting over her secret forbidden boyfriend an indulgence????
(28) Who is their best friend?  Their worst enemy?  The sad thing about Satine Kryze is that canon wise, she is extremely lonely.  Literally everyone she trusts betrays her at some point-- which also makes worst enemy pretty hard too.  In my verse, this has led to her kind of shutting away from friends because people always leave her-- though I’d say she’s always been close with Padmé; she sent aid to Naboo after the Federation Blockade and got to know and became extremely impressed with the young Queen, and they kept in touch afterwards.  Whether they could be together or not, I’d always say Obi Wan was her best friend too because that’s ALWAYS necessary in a relationship, and they clearly stayed in contact and knew each other like the back of their hands.  I’d honestly say her worst enemy is herself, cliché as it is, because girlie makes a LOT of mistakes-- and then never learns from them or even acknowledges they exist besides an “oh whoops, that happened, we fixed it, everyone as you were”.  I get it wasn’t meant that way, but she legit committed ethnic cleansing against her political opponents.  I hate to say it, but there are very valid reasons for a lot of people to Not Like Her (none of the guys who attack her on the show count because they’re literally all douchecanoes fuck them), and she kind of shoots herself in the foot trying to fix the problem but making it worse.  I h/c her as having a lot of self-loathing problems because she is trying to fix things but nothing ever works and that must be her problem so she must try harder without ever confronting what exactly her problem is.
(31) Most prized possession: Woah, never really thought of that.  As much as I want to say “pressed flower from Obi Wan”, that’s a little too sappy.  I’m going to go with this.  There is a famous Mandalore version of The Art of War, and Satine has an uber-extremely-rare first edition copy given to her from her father, who was a master strategist and had the wealth and power to collect nice things like that.  Satine may be a pacifist, but she has her family’s warrior’s spirit, and she enjoys adapting the book’s battle strategies to her own political fights and how she shapes her own life.  It’s an actual old paper book, so she keeps it in a locked box under her bed and only ever reads it by candlelight with special gloves on to protect the pages.
(42) Hobbies: Like I said before, cleaning, writing poetry, the occasional cooking.  Oh!  Whenever she has Korkie over, she lets them pick the activity they do.  This may or may not lead to Duchess Satine Kryze of Mandalore getting very invested in Space Mario Kart.  She’s good at it too!  So yes, gamer girl, and she also likes looking at art and she’s also also pretty good at dancing and yoga, which she does a bit of both for exercise.  She also enjoys watching shows at the theater, but she’s weird in the way where she refuses to watch TV or movies because they’re “not as good”.
(47) If they were to fall in love, who or what is their ideal:  I’d say trust is the most important thing for her, given how many things go wrong in her life.  Someone she can trust to be herself around instead of The Duchess and can both support her when she’s falling but also call her on her bullshit (or try to, anyway) when needed.  Again, she likes nice things, so she tends to fall for super attractive people lol.  Another thing is, she likes to feel safe.  She goes for the protectors, those who fight for everyone and can come back and hold her tight in a hug if she feels like she’ll fall apart because she sometimes needs someone to protect her too.  They also have to be as smart as she is (only smarter if they’re not a dick about it) so she can have intellectual conversations (indignant yelling matches), and she needs someone who can match the firecracker she can tend to be, someone who can jump right in after her.  Not a weakling, basically xD
(48) How do they express love: She just says it (”I love you”), if they’ll let her.  If they don’t let her or she can’t for some reason (*coughOBIcoughcough*), she becomes frustrated because she isn’t always the best, emotion-wise, and she worries she’ll make the wrong gesture or do something to mess up, so frustration can build towards the other person so she can also be very snappy at them.  In general though, familial or romantic or platonic, it’s just lots of soft smiles that no one else sees, letting them see her in casual clothing, teasing them or telling jokes, trusting them enough to tell them about the confusion and stress inside her head.
OBI WAN
(7) Fave way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time:  Obi Wan is of the opinion that time enjoyed is never wasted, so he only views wasted time as exactly that: time that could be spent doing something but is instead being wasted not doing anything or doing something he doesn’t like.  His favorite things to do when he has time to himself are read (he’s not picky, he’ll read most things with an interesting plot, though he does enjoy a good mystery or historical nonfiction), watch trashy tv shows (he’s only watching them to judge how bad they are, it’s Anakin’s fault, really, he watched them first, and Obi Wan just needs to know what happens next--), sketch random objects (he’s a pretty good artist, and it’s relaxing), do research on stuff because he is a NERD, go bug Anakin and/or Ahsoka because he honestly delights just sitting in their company and hear them talk about their day, drink with friends, spar (with Anakin, preferably, he’s the most of a challenge because he knows him so well, and he’s the only one who doesn’t hold back at all), sit in the Temple gardens and check on Qui Gon’s favorite flowers he planted there and bask in the serenity of it all.
(8) Indulgences: Ooooohhhh this is hard because Obi Wan is so Obi Wan about that sort of stuff, it can be difficult to read what he would do xD  I’ll say he indulges in food?  That while Jedi probs have a pretty strict health food diet, on the weekends or once a weekday he indulges in getting nice stuff for breakfast, ice cream for dessert, fried food at Dex’s because why not, it tastes good and Anakin did a good job today or he did a good job today and that deserves something, so oh well, he’ll just work out harder tomorrow.  He’s also has some very nice old teas he saved from Qui Gon The Absolute Tea Snob he’ll have when he feels he needs it, and he’s got a cabinet with like four bottles of different really good, expensive alcohols that he’ll drink when he REALLY feels he needs it.  I’ll also say this, boi is vain about his hair.  Will never admit it in a million years, but he is, so he’s probs got at least some sort of haircare products that aren’t exactly necessary, ya know xD.  He also does like his creature comforts when available, so I’d say he’s got a couple super fluffy blankets and maybe the thread count in his sheets are a bit higher than average cuz hey, soft things are nice.  He also indulges in being lovey and mushy to the people he cares about 
(12) Favorite book genre: Hey, I kinda talked about that!  So yeah, I’d say he’ll probs try anything, but he likes mysteries and thrillers since with a book the Force can’t give you any Bad Feelings about anyone, so the surprises are genuine surprises.  He also likes historical nonfiction because he is a NERD, but he’ll absolutely pick up whatever’s at the top of the Galactic Times Bestseller’s List if it’s there and give it a chance
(14) Physical abnormalities (including injuries/disabilities, illnesses, allergies): His right hip acts up in the cold from an old slug wound there (Anakin does indeed tease him about being an old man), over half of his teeth are fake or replaced because come on, have y’all seen how often he’s been hit in the face?  Scars literally everywhere because everyone and everything has tried to murder him at some point or another.  I h/c him with ADD, depression, anxiety, and dyscalcula (he had to really work to be good with numbers) as well as PTSD because basically all of the Jedi do at some point (someone HELP THEM).  He also has TMJ, which I also have and I project my issues.  It gets worse when you’re stressed and grind teeth, so it’s valid.  Idk whether it’s canon or fanon that he has some food allergies, but I am ALL FOR IT with him just... forgetting about them???  And then eating some food and be like “hwoops I’m dying lol” while Anakin is like seriously Master again? and legit ends up the Mom friend with a list of foods like “is there gonna be this food in it?  Cuz he can’t eat it” and then he’ll eat it anyway cuz it looks good and Anakin is all “what do you have in your MOUTH” and he’ll be like “uh” and yeah, that sounds funny
(27) Biggest regret: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS.  ok so we all know how literally everything about Obi Wan’s life is a mcfreaking nightmare.  We ALSO know he blames himself for literally everything.  So yea, he’s got a looooot of regrets.  I’d say his biggest though is not being a good enough Jedi (in his opinion) to save those he cared about (Qui, Satine, Anakin, Pads, the entire dang Jedi Order, etc.).  Maybe just not a good enough person, in his eyes.  If he hadn’t screwed up somehow, everyone would still be here and fine and omg someone help him
(31) Most prized possession: Luke Skywalker.  Ok, not actually, but y’all can’t deny Luke was Obi Wan’s greatest treasure.  I’d say actually tho it’s holos, of people he loves and cares about, in a kind of album he keeps to himself.  He hates having his own picture taken, but he loves seeing the smiling, laughing faces of everyone he knows (and is reminded of them when they’re no longer here).
(33) Concept of home and family: He always feels like other people overcomplicate this.  Home is where you feel safe to always return, where you belong, and family is those you love and wish to spend your life with.  Now, the fact that he only really allows himself to acknowledge the Jedi as a whole as his family and doesn’t exactly allow himself to dwell on specifics like what Anakin means exactly to him, what Ahsoka means, what Qui Gon meant, because he does love everyone as a family, why does he have to define it?  That’s a whole ‘nother basket of his issues lol
(47) If they were to fall in love, who or what is their ideal:  Obi Wan Kenobi has always been attracted to chaos and danger like a moth to a flame, so anyone he loves is gonna be a whirlwind of an individual.  He likes someone who can challenge him, who can test him.  He likes someone who’s loud and bright, the stars at the center of solar systems that everyone else can’t resist orbiting around and Obi Wan is no different.  He likes snappy humor and the amusement he can get from playfully bugging them into hissing at him.  They have to match him as a team, they have to be able to work with him (and he knows he’s not always the easiest to work with) and have his back.  He likes passion, he likes dramatics, he likes the kind of strange ones that other people find a bit hard to get along with, but he couldn’t love them any different from themselves.
(48) How do they express love:
PADMÉ
(4) What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy:  Assuming the people in the kitchen were not making food, Padmé would fix them with a firm Senatorial Scolding Face and ask them politely if they could move it somewhere else.  She can easily outargue any protests;  the kitchen is for cooking and she needs to make dinner!  If ppl were making food in the kitchen, Pads would roll up her sleeves and ask what she could do to help so it would be done faster and she could get started.  She grew up with her mother insisting her and Sola help out with all the household chores, kitchen duty included, so she’s a fine cook.  Anakin learned to cook from his mother too, so sometimes their husband/wife bonding time will include just making dinner together and enjoying each others’ company.  In an OT4 situation with Obes and Satine, Obi Wan is the only one out of the four of them who Cannot Cook and is legit banished from the kitchen except for making drinks/certain desserts, so it ends up with Anakin, Padmé, and Satine all talking and laughing while preparing food while Obi Wan pouts sits in the doorway and talks from there
(6) Eating habits and sample daily menu:  Ok, so you know how I said Satine can sometimes get distracted by work and skip breakfast?  Well Padmé is like that but worse.  She gets so busy with duties, she just forgets to eat for very long periods of time, and then she’ll be doing something and be like “woah, I’m hungry, I don’t think I’ve eaten today,” and Sabé/Anakin/Bail/whoever she’s with will just be like padmé nO.  When she does eat, however, she is one of those crazy people who Does Not Like Sweets.  Like, at all, they just don’t agree with her.  Anakin is scandalized.  Satine is scandalized.  Everyone is.  She just doesn’t like them.  She’ll eat fruit, but that’s as sweet as it gets.  So when she does remember to eat, or if she’s going out for a dinner, it’s usually something pretty healthy-- though Pads will confess to a weakness for nice cheeses.  There’s also this one really greasy bad fried chip thing that she’s got a secret weakness for.  Padmé’s also not a huge alcohol person; like, she’ll drink when others do, she’s not a lightweight or anything, but she won’t seek it out herself, just, something about the taste, and she doesn’t like not being in control of her head.
(7) Fave way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time: Honey, Padmé is from Naboo.  The luxury planet.  They know how to lazily waste time in style.  She loves long baths and listening to classical music, walking in nature (she loves flowers), practicing new hair styles, facials and manicures.  She also reads the gossip columns (no she doesn’t, you never heard that) because she needs the tea.  She just do.  She likes to read and study new languages (because she is Queen Overachiever) or just add to her bucket list of Ways To Improve The Galaxy.  Padmé totally has a Space Pinterest.  In reality, she trained herself from a young age how to relax so being a teenager in planetary politics didn’t literally kill her.  
(12) Favorite book genre: ROMANCE!  It’s canon that Pads is just such an ushy, gushy romantic of a person, so she likes stuff like Space Jane Austen and all the other romantic books.  She refuses to associate with Anakin’s trashy dollar romances, she thinks they’re bad writing.  He does not agree.  He also called one of her faves boring once.  They do not discuss books.  But also Padmé likes political history and civilization books cuz politician, and she’s pretty into the mysteries like Obi Wan is.  She likes religious texts too, learning about different ones, she finds it interesting.  Reading can be hard for her because I h/c her as dyslexic, but she loves it too much.
(18) Favorite beverage: Spiced cider.  She could get it homemade back on Naboo; cool and refreshing when iced but warm and tangy and perfect when heated.
(19) What do they think about before falling asleep at night: If Anakin’s not with her, she always thinks about him not being there.  She can’t help it.  If he is with her, she thinks about how much she loves him.  She also tends to do a mental to do list every night of what she needed to do before bed and if she’s gonna allow herself to sleep now or not.  She also has another mental to do list so she knows what she’s gonna do when she wakes up in the morning.  With the damned war dragging on, more and more nights are spent going to bed troubled and worried for the future. She also daydreams, though, of what she can do after.  Her happily ever after.
(28) Who is their best friend?  Their worst enemy?:  This is hard because Pads is so friendly with everyone!!!  Queen’s Shadow really made me fall in love with Padmé and Sabé, but I’ll always be a sucker for the canon and fanon where Padmé’s best friend is Bail Organa.  I’m sorry, but Bail is just a cinnamon roll of a human being, and he’s such a calm, levelheaded friend for Pads where she can be a bit overeager and chomping at the bit sometimes, but he’s also ALWAYS got her back and she can talk to him about stuff and ahhhhh and he literally raises her daughter as his own and gahhhhhh.  Is it messed up if I almost want to say Padmé’s worst enemy is Anakin?  I mean to be more general: her worst enemy is the Sith, as they destroyed the Republic and her entire life’s work and corrupted her husband and depending on if you believe the “draining life forces” theory (which I do) they killed her.  But Anakin was the one who got past her defences, took her by surprise, and unknowingly ended up playing the most active role in her destruction, which is immensely tragic for both of them because all he ever wanted to do was love her (*crying*).
(33) Concept of home and family:  For Padmé, home isn’t so much a place, but an idea of where you can feel closest and most at one with those you’ve decided to share your life with.  Yeah, she’ll always love Naboo, but you saw how choked up she got in that TCW episode where Anakin called her Coruscant apartment “home”; for her, home is a state of mind.  Family is a bit different; she’ll always have a bit of an idealization towards her own parents’ marriage and how she’s seen Sola’s, and how families developed from that.  Canon shows she’s envious because she can’t have that, the 2.5 kids and a dog with a white picket fence outside and a large backyard mentality.  She has issues over being separated from family; she had to drop the Naberrie name to go into politics, so I’m guessing there’s some distance felt there, and she can’t even publicly acknowledge her own husband as her husband, so she’ll cling to the idea of a “perfect” family as a someday, as a maybe, and working towards that someday and the long goal she can forget just how complicated and messy her real family-- her parents and sister, her husband, her husband’s new adoptive sister, her husband’s boyfriend, his weird side of the family --is.  It’s even more pronounced when everything is falling apart in Revenge of the Sith and it’s obviously falling apart and Anakin is obviously Not Fine, she tries to retreat and take her comfort in “oh but when the baby comes and we can be a Family, things will all work out perfect!  It’ll be okay!!!”
(34) Thoughts on privacy (are they a private person, or are they prone to TMI):  Padmé is an extremely private person.  She’s been in the public spotlight since she was thirteen years old.  Everyone’s always staring at her, what she’s wearing, what her opinions are, how she acts, who she’s with.  Padmé has nearly nothing she doesn’t have to share with the public eye, so what she does have to herself she tends to hoard and not show anyone except for those she implicitly trusts.  Now, whether she’s any good at keeping secrets is a whole other story, but she certainly tries!!! xD
(39) What recharges them when they’re feeling drained: Anakin can make things better or worse for her depending on the mood he’s in and the mood she’s in, but he usually makes her feel better just by showing up and being a dork.  She likes her greasy chip snacks and a good book, but she’s a sucker for a good spa day complete with fluffy, comfortable clothing.  Also, Padmé loves cat naps, and is the queen of setting an alarm and taking short power naps that actually have her waking up refreshed.
(42) Hobbies:  Is creating new outfit designs via Space Pinterest a hobby?  Because Padmé does that.  Padmé is also the type of person to have a Space Candy Crush problem, and I completely believe that Satine got her into Space Mario Kart (Satine’s actually pretty good at it and Pads isn’t good at it at all, so it’s in no way fair, but they have fun xD).  Padmé loves creating flower arrangements too, just creating beautiful things makes her happy.  She loves calling one of her handmaidens over and having martial arts practices because she needs to stay ready to defend herself, but also it’s just fun and she’s a good fighter.  Padmé’s also into scrapbooking, she makes a bunch of adorable books she puts together, and she gave one to Anakin on their first anniversary and he cried (she hides them, don’t worry).  
AHHHNAKIN...
(10) Neuroses:  Hooo boy, there’s a lot!  Okay, so Anakin is a very handsy person.  When he’s nervous or uncomfortable or stressed, he’ll always need something to do with his hands, whether that be fiddling with his clothes, tugging at his hair, messing with the digits on his mechanohand, poking at the wall patterns or other objects.  In general, he hates sitting still and has a tendency to fidget if he has to for too long.  He will also either stare you directly in the eye or dislike making eye contact at all, depending on his mood.  Fiddling with machine parts gives him something to focus his mind and his hands on, so that’s a real big help for him if they’re available, often times he just keeps scraps in his pockets for specifically this purpose.  He’s sort of aware he does this, but he doesn’t like to think about it much because that would mean thinking why, and if you try and point any of them out to him he’ll get embarrassed and probs just snap at you.
(12) Favorite book genre:  Anakin really isn’t much of a book person.  It has to do with his focus issues (I h/c him as ADHD), they just aren’t really able to draw him in enough to keep his attention.  It frustrates him because that’s another reason why ppl imply he isn’t smart, which is dumb, he can read just fine, he just doesn’t like to.  He does like the trashy penny romances I mentioned before.  What can he say?  He’s a sucker for the drama and swooning and Epic Proclamations of Love.  He’ll read books about the latest ships and speeder models too, because he’s interested in that.  He’ll also read tactical strategy books too, because of the war and all.  It’s just not his go-to form of entertainment.
(14) Physical abnormalities (including injuries/disabilities, illnesses, allergies):  Metal hand.  Eye scar.  At one point is one big giant asthmatic burn scar who’s like 80% robot.  But we’ll focus on Anakin as of now.  When he was a child, some brute in the market cracked him hard across the back with something heavy.  It damaged his spine, and Shmi was terrified for a while he’d never walk.  Thankfully, he recovered, but now his spine is funny as in it is super flexible.  Like backbends where it looks like he’s snapped in half, that flexible.  It gives him fantastic advantages in acrobatics and combat, but it also means he can do that creepy walk the girl from The Ring can do.  He has managed to successfully scare the living piss out of Obi Wan, Padmé, Ahsoka, Rex, and multiple others on different occasions by emerging from the shadows in the middle of the night doing the Ring walk.  No one was pleased.  Yoda thinks it’s hilarious though.  Anakin gets hit in the face just as much Obi Wan does, so he also only has like less than half of his real teeth still in his mouth.  Is also covered in various scars from people trying to kill him dead.  In total, I project many mental illnesses onto him, so I say he has anxiety, ADHD, BPD, and PTSD.  His super strongness in the Force means he is a complete lightweight, so alcohol is an uh oh for him; the only positive is that he never gets hangovers.  It also means that Force sensitive objects may suddenly go flying at his head when he’s just trying to casually stroll through a creepy old temple.  I also h/c that Anakin is allergic to tookas/lothcats.  No other animals, just them.  And it’s hilarious when on one occasion some kittens made their way into a briefing room and he just bursts into a sneezing fit, which, why are you all laughing at me? and then Rex points out the little kitten just perched on the top of his head.  Poor baby actually does chafe pretty badly from sand too, so his hatred isn’t completely unwarranted.
(18) Favorite beverage: Coffee with a gazillion lumps of sugar in it, protein powder because he’s all about the grind, a hint of space chili pepper, and like a dozen other ingredients that should Not Go In Coffee (one of the ingredients Is Bugs).  Obi Wan claims he tasted the concoction once and had hallucinations.  Ahsoka says she saw a drop melt the edge of the tabletop.  Padmé won’t go anywhere near it.  Anakin says they’re all cowards; it’s the only thing that can get him up and focused in the morning.
(20) Childhood illnesses?  Any interesting stories behind them?: I h/c that amongst the slaves, Shmi was the local medicine woman.  Therefore, Anakin as a child was constantly getting first exposure to all the local sicknesses and building up immunity, so besides one bout of food poisoning, he never got sick as a kid.  Once he got to the Temple... well, he was past the age where all the other kids had gotten vaccinations, Obi Wan, bless him, hates dealing with medical and was distracted by everything else and kind of forgot to make sure Anakin was up to date with everything, so he caught EVERYTHING.  EVERY LITTLE THING WOULD MAKE HIM SICK.  HE HATED IT.  OBI WAN HATED IT BECAUSE THE ONLY SICK PATIENT WORSE THAN ANAKIN IS HIMSELF.  IT NEVER ENDS.  ANAKIN IS TWENTY TWO YEARS OLD AND STILL CATCHING SHIT LIKE THE SPACE CHICKEN POX.  THIS ISN’T FAIR.
(22) Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?: Lots of writings of stuff like “Padmé Skywalker” or “Anakin Kenobi” cuz Ani is at heart a 12 year old girl.  Ok ok ok, but actually, there would be lots of different stuff on the page.  Mathematical calculations for ships and designs because he is a canon engineering nerd and I h/c he’s a whiz at math.  Also little doodles.  Anakin’s not a bad artist himself; his style is much more cartoonish than Obi Wan’s, but it means he can do cool little actions scenes of different ships or pods, him being a badass, Yoda getting attacked by space seagulls, etc.  Maybe designs for another japoor carving (I h/c he keeps the hobby).  Or, the page might be folded up as Anakin turned it into either a boat or a hat or an airplane that actually flies, or just a ball of paper he set on fire because he was bored.
(28) Who is their best friend?  Their worst enemy?:  OBI WAN KENOBI FOR BOTH OF THEM DAMMIT ANAKIN WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS.  Alright, alright, in reality, his worst enemy is probably more of a combination of himself and his own fears, Sidious for being an evil, manipulative asshole, and society for creating his fears and traumatizing him (though mostly it’s himself because he absolutely had the choice to do the right thing, but he didn’t).  Obi Wan is absolutely his best friend though.  No competition.
(29) Reaction to extrapersonal disaster (eg Oh no, the house is on fire!  What do we do?): For Anakin “I burned down the Republic because you left for an afternoon and I panicked” Skywalker?  “Ok, no problem, I got this.  I’ve got this.  No, wait, I don’t got this.  I defiNITELY DO NOT GOT THIS, I MADE IT WORSE, HOLY SHIT, NO ONE PANIC, I NEED AN ADULT-- (Ahsoka: You are an adult) --I NEED AN ADULTIER ADULT.”
(31) Most prized possession: His loved ones ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  And we’ve got at least six movies and a tv show telling us exactly how that did Not Go Well For Anyone
(33) Concept of home and family: Hmmm.  I’d say where he feels safe and comfortable.  Again, it’s stated in the show he feels at home at Padmé’s, but honestly?  He refuses to acknowledge Tatooine cuz ya know, the slavery, so he never really had a strong childhood home, and while I want to say he considered the Temple home at one point, , I’m not sure he does because I feel he’s always on red alert for things to get worse so he never really lets himself get comfortable anywhere-- not even Padmé’s.  Family is a bit easier for him; a group of people who love each other-- and for Anakin, it doesn’t have to be blood relations but if you ARE related by blood, you’re a family member by default and he will be Very Offended by blood relations who cut away from their families because he feels if you’re connected like that, you should love each other.
23 notes · View notes
bat-lings · 5 years
Note
I love everyone in the batfam no matter how problematic, but the Rhato 25 discourse bothered me. As a Bruce fan I didn't like the complete crucifixion of his character by the Jason diehards. Personally I feel Bruce was justified (the brutality felt like a publicity stunt for shock value, which I didn't like), but seeing these same fans (that hate Bruce for daring to hurt their fav) then celebrate when Jason did the exact same thing to Damian in the teen titans annual. It's so hypocritical.
Oh, Anon, I fear you inadvertently put the finger on the exact thing I despise about current storylines. I agree in that they’re taking the shock value too far and that every character suffers for it.
Frankly, I have more of a problem with what the fans are served than with how they reacted to it.
Fair warning, I’m gonna get very critical with the writing of the two events Anon mentioned. I’d be extra interested to hear about those events from the perspective of someone who actually enjoyed them, but it’s not worth your good mood if reading a post basically trashing said storylines upsets you.
I’ll respectfully disagree about Bruce’s behavior towards Jason. It was excessively brutal and nothing justified it. The scene can be summed up to shock value, to the point it would need to be entirely rewritten to exonerate Bruce. Jason relapsed into lethal force for understandable reasons. Even if we consider nothing excuses Jason; even in an alternative scenario where he’d have shot the Penguin out of the blue, Bruce’s behavior would be plain wrong.
Bruce went after him, assaulted him, and kept on beating him while Jason wasn’t defending himself.
Let’s forget this was Jason for a second. This is not the kind of violence Bruce should resort to against any criminal. I don’t just mean that hey, this isn’t ideal morally speaking, I mean that Bruce Wayne, as a character, as the man who was always written to believe in redemption/rehabilitation, as the man who willed never to use lethal or even unnecessary force, can’t do this and pretend to be remotely what Bruce’s character is supposed to represent. I hate it every time Bruce is written to use that kind of empty violence, preboot or reboot. Miller went down that road too and it never fulfilled my idea of entertainment.
Then you add on the fact that Jason’s his son, and it makes it all so much worse. Bruce legit puts the blame on Jason, not only during the confrontation (“I told you if you left me it’d be your choice”), but also in a later issue when Lobdell serves us a disastrous attempt at a reconciliation scene. “I love you but you deserved a kick in the ass.” Like, I don’t think Lobdell could’ve portrayed a more abusive father-figure if he wanted to.
As a comparison, have similar confrontations between Bruce and Dick in preboot.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
[Batman (1940) #600]
So here there’s an actual fight. Dick is actively participating rather than being used as Bruce’s punching-ball. Power-wise, they’re equals.
You want a true equivalent to the scene between Jason and Bruce, where Dick suffers from a power-imbalance + Bruce being toxic?
Tumblr media Tumblr media
[New Titans (1988) #55]
Note how it doesn’t go further than a punch because it’s bad enough that way and doesn’t need to escalate further to drive the narrative home. There’s no “I love you but you deserved a punch” bullshit later on either.
Even in Teen Titans: Year One where Bruce was particularly terrible (too much imo), he’s brainwashed when he hits Dick and nothing in the story/framing exonerates Bruce for his global behavior.
Those confrontations had a place in their narratives other than shock value. Bruce’s descent after Jason’s death, his mental state in Murderer/Fugitive. They illustrate how fucked up Bruce is at a specific moment due to specific events and context. They’re not casually dismissed afterwards by a hug and a dubious line. And again, they don’t require Bruce to beat Dick half to death to drive their point home.
By the way, this is reconciliation.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
[Batman (1940) #605]
This is a component of the circle of abuse.
Tumblr media
[Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016) #27]
“I love you. If only you weren’t so stubborn, you wouldn’t deserve an occasional kick in the ass. Like when I inflicted you severe physical trauma. But I love you anyway. Aaah, the woes of father-son relationships!”
There was no narrative reason for Bruce to take it that far with Jason in rhato. It’s just physically more violent and emotionally less impactful, because it’s so damn cheap and because it tries to pass abuse for a normal familial dissension that can be cured with a hug. I can’t get emotionally engaged with that kind of writing.
It’s a reboot, it’s entitled to change characters, but it’s simply not a Bruce I recognize nor one whose existence I’m particularly eager to acknowledge.
As for the Jason-Damian confrontation…
I don’t care that Jason didn’t want to fight and tried so hard to de-escalate the situation until Damian pulled out that mystery drama-box. I don’t care that Damian’s a trained fighter. Frankly, I don’t care about the specifics. At the end of the day, an adult beat the shit out of a child. A child who was framed in earlier appearances to be his little brother. A writer/editorial team/whoever the hell made the conscious choice to put those characters in the specific situation where an adult would beat the shit of a child family member.
You know, for all that I hate TT#29 for its cheap violence (and Jason’s less than ideal portrayal), it at least had the decency to oppose two characters of roughly the same age. And in this continuity, Jason was revived to be a villain. I may not like it but it’s expected that he acts villainous towards the fam, or Tim here. Plus Tim and Jason were never ever portrayed as brothers in post-crisis. They’re strangers. Them beating each other simply doesn’t have the same significance.
Have another preboot parallel where neither perpetrators are villains.
Tumblr media
[Red Robin #14]
Here the writer puts Tim in a situation where he has to defend himself against a ten-year-old. There’s a punch, and then the violence stops. That’s it. Much like the preboot Dick-Bruce confrontations, it doesn’t need to be taken further. The story delivers its point without any ten-year-old getting beaten senseless by an older ally.
Seriously, how does this…
Tumblr media
[Batman (2016) #16]
…exist in the same continuity as this?
Tumblr media
[Teen Titans Annual 1 (2019)]
How is this a good way to portray familial dissensions/confrontations of any kind?
You’re the writer. You decide if the 20 something is gonna throw hands with the 13 year old. You decide how the father figure reacts to the son’s actions. You decide how far each confrontation goes. You decide whether two characters that were explicitly portrayed as brothers are gonna bleed each other out. You decide whether the father figure is abusive. You decide what happens, how it happens, how it’s resolved, and how every element is framed.
Physical violence is just another narrative tool that should be used to construct a story. You can’t just throw it in, dial it up to 11, and hope it’ll make your scene impactful. It just proves you don’t know how to write a vivid scene without relying on cheap tricks.
Anon, I get your frustration, I don’t like what’s done of Bruce either. I made a post about his parental failures in preboot ( bat-lings.tumblr .com/post/180901354160/do-you-think-bruce-was-a-bad-father-im-starting); none of them ever reached rhato’s caricatural empty brutality. Bruce is less and less well received by fans as he’s sometimes instrumentalized in sequences that don’t fit his character. It’s not fair on him.
But I can’t seem to disconnect with what we are given long enough to worry about how we react to it. And to be fair I’ve seen as many posts hating on Jason’s recent actions than hating on Bruce’s.
Tbh bad writing/ooc-ness aside there’s little anyone can say to exonerate either character here. The fans are reacting vividly because they’re faced with a story that has little else to sell other than vivid brutality. We all go “gasp!”, pick sides, and that’s it. It’s hard to breed interesting discussion among fans with that configuration.
The good news is, each of those characters have seen better days, and not everything in reboot is as bad as the above sequences. Also we have fanfictions :D
381 notes · View notes
thefudge · 5 years
Text
scattered thoughts on sanditon so far 
this is a fun romp from andrew davies and there’s a lot to like and be invested in
but i do have some observations/ gripes
obviously davies is going for a modern/sexed up adaptation of austen and i have mixed thoughts on that, cuz there’s a lot of interesting stuff you can do with that, but you can also botch it up big time (i’m glad he didn’t do this to p&p back in 1995...i wonder what that adaptation would’ve looked like today. probably full monty darcy, lol). so i think some elements verge on the ridiculous, for instance having almost every dude in this show strip naked in front of a crowded beach several times in a row. ditto for theo james. i don’t mind the view (hehe) but i think it’s inserted awkwardly at times. like okay, we get it, it’s a beach resort and we’re trying to make austen edgy in 2019.... just maybe indulge a little less and literally keep it in your pants. 
this being a more modern adaptation i don’t mind hair and make-up anachronisms, but i DO mind the fact that rose williams sports this really weird shade of fuchsia lipstick in almost every single scene. stop iiiit
speaking of which, rose williams is a cutie and i loved her on reign, but i don’t understand what she’s doing with her face in this series. don’t get me wrong, she does a good job of making charlotte very likable, but the only way she can express...anything, really, is by making these confused faces, like a child practicing frowning in the mirror. it’s...really awkward. and she does this all the time, whether she’s happy or sulky or nervous, she just always looks like she’s trying to figure out the fibonacci sequence.  i mean it’s hilarious when u have theo james going all gruff to her about his feelings and rose williams is that gif of the blond lady doing math in her head. her acting is pretty good otherwise, but those faceeeees.
esther denham is my goddamn FAVE, gosh i love a Disappointed Queen and i’m glad she’s getting away from that boring skeevy brother. for once the incestuous siblings didn’t do it for me at all (which is pretty much the point lol). there’s nary a dude more uninteresting than edward whatshisface, my gaaaawd (also, davies trying to ramp up the sexiness with those scenes of edward brushing her hair or doing her stays...lol, sir, this rly isn’t your strength i’m sorry)
but i have to say that i thought esther and clara would be a thing. because my gosh, the chemistry during their scenes! the way they’d glide past each other with utmost contempt, while being disquieted by each other @___@. i mean it’s an austen adaptation, so i guess they’d never go there but!!! i need fic (would’ve made clara more bearable at least. i appreciate her character objectively cuz she’s an interesting pseudo-antagonist and you don’t get many of those, but blerghh. she was insufferable)
i was kinda (actually very) disappointed that the relationship between sidney and his ward, georgiana, wasn’t really developed. like there’s one more episode to go (as far as i know?) and they’ve barely scratched the surface with them. i mean he’s halfway decent to her now.... but ehh. i feel like this was a missed opportunity. after all, this was austen’s unfinished novel, so andrew davies & co could have added more material between these two. this, to me, should have been the real heart of the series. 
i like otis as a character, but georgiana/otis was zzzzzz. i suppose that they’ll end up together? zzzzzzzzzz (i frankly ship her way more with arthur! she finds him infuriating! he’s a sweetheart! the shenanigans!)
that German doctor is the real MVP, i feel like he should be sanditon’s no. 1 bachelor. i mean the shower rod??? providing pleasure to all the ladies in town, what a hero 
the soundtrack is rly rad! and the cinematography
i love how the show captures austen’s growing interest in the industrialized modern world which was emerging in the twilight years of the regency and i feel like maybe the show should’ve invested more time in that modern aesthetic (steampunk!) rather the awkward sexual shenanigans 
so....i can’t delay the inevitable anymore, can i? sigghh okay here i go
sidney/charlotte...annoys me. 
HEAR ME OUT.
 u know that i love LOVE “enemies to lovers” and hate/love stories, i LIVE FOR THIS SHIT. 
and i was ready to gorge on this dynamic because it looked delish 
 but i felt like michael bluth finding the dead pigeon in the paper bag. 
from what i can gather, sidney is supposed to be a mixture of darcy and capt wentworth, “haughty” and proud, with a history of romantic disappointment, a brooding sexy hero with a heart of gold. but to me this dude just comes off as weird. 
there’s legit no reason for him to be THIS mean to this young girl he just met. he is not just an asshole, he is ridiculously over the top about it, to the point where he makes a fool of himself. i am FINE with a man telling a woman off, believe me, but it has to have some kind of motivation, some kind of reasoning behind it. here, it just feels like the plot needs him to be utterly shitty to charlotte so that “sparks will fly”. that first ep convo on the balcony??? wtf???? it was genuinely bizarre. i got weird incel vibes. and every time he lashes out at charlotte (at least in the first 4 episodes) it’s fucking silly, because it’s not like he lashes out because she’s scratching the surface of his innermost painful memories. no!!! many of their arguments revolve around basic things that he could easily clarify!!! which he does eventually, so like whyyyyyyyyyy. charlotte keeps telling him he’s being vague for no good reason and he still does it. it doesn’t make sense he’d be this guarded and outspoken at the same time. like, fine, keep that shit to yourself, don’t tell ppl, but don’t also get pissed at them when they don’t guess your mind. again, i love an antagonist dynamic when it’s done right, but here many times it’s just pointless bullying, it’s not sexy or fun or challenging. the writers keep making charlotte apologize to him about how “wrong” she got him and how he makes her doubt her judgement but it sounds fake to me. like a) this dude went out of his way to be a total assface to you from day one, b) none of that bullying was him trying to coax you into having a more complicated view of the world. when darcy rebukes elizabeth, he is hinting at her limited point of view. he’s not blatantly negging her or calling her stupid as this dude does. AND U KNO WHAT.
i’d be absolutely fine with him calling her stupid IF IT MADE SENSE WITHIN THE STORY 
like if charlotte had truly done smth stupid during the first episode, sure, fine, it’s somewhat warranted 
but for him to decide she’s an idiot for no other reason than her making some honestly super nice remarks about his brothers when he asked for her opinion is THE HEIGHT OF NONSENSE 
it’s even more nonsense when 2 episodes later he decides maybe she’s not that dumb after all FUCK U MR. EDGELORD
and it makes me pity charlotte cuz she’ll probably marry this dude and have to deal with him in his old age when he’ll be even more insufferable. 
and i totally get the appeal. i do! i mean their scenes are manufactured to make you want more of them, i see the chemistry, it’s there (and we’re already at a point in the series where he’s trying to make amends) but at the same time i’m put off by this dude’s intensity, cuz it’s not the hot kind of intensity...it’s more like he’s a giant dumb baby who breaks things. meh. theo james is very pretty tho, and he is doing the most with his character (that voice def helps!). but i wish this antagonistic relationship had been written better, because it could’ve been glorious
this is why i think sidney/georgiana should’ve been so much more present. just like darcy has his georgiana we need the humanizing element, we need to see more variety from this dude than just “guy who clearly needs anger management classes”. 
i’m pretty sure i’m in the minority or possibly one of two ppl not won over by this romance, and i can’t lie and say i don’t root for them. too much of this show is predicated on their clashes for them not to work it out and get together, but boyyyy do i wish they’d done it a bit better
i almost feel like a reylo anti lol, but at least kylo ren doesn’t neg rey every single time they talk 
also, i go back to rose williams’ faces because they just rly enhance how clumsy this dynamic is. theo james is doing byronic asshole 2.0 and charlotte looks at him like he’s developed a smell lmao. i mean the scene where she catches him naked? she turns around and FROWNS in this rly bizarre way, almost like she noticed a growth on his dick lmao it’s that bad 
anyway i totally get the appeal, but i also know what i want from this kind of dynamic and...this ain’t quite it 
honestly i think i prefer charlotte/cute architect guy whose name i don’t remember right now! 
that being said, my fave moments of this show are the most austen-esque, where ppl don’t take themselves so seriously. i mean the adventures of the perennially-ailing parker siblings (arthur & diana)? deeeelightful. the pineapple scene? glorious
also it makes me sad that sanditon was left unfinished because to see austen tackling georgiana’s character in depth would have been so, so interesting 
in conclusion, the show’s a lot of fun but also frustrating in many ways
i hope davies doesn’t set his eyes on re-adapting p&p or other austen classics because ermmm i know i’m trash but i am kind of tired of these sexed-up “look how scandalous we are behind closed doors” adaptations. you can make the regency era feel modern and relatable without “shocking hand job in the estate park” pls and thank u. sure, the regency era was the inheritor of the sexually relaxed 18th-century, but it wasn’t that relaxed yall. ppl still kept their wits and bonnets about them.
still, i’m glad this show exists and that it tries to take risks, i just wish it took different kinds of risks, if that makes sense. like i am SO bummed i didn’t get into sidney/charlotte, u have no idea 
10 notes · View notes
Text
“Game of Thrones” Season VIII: Episode 1 - Eighth Verse, Same as the First
Tumblr media
All right you sons of bitches, here we motherfucking go. The last six episodes. I want to see you wrapping yourselves up in fur, hopping on your nearest dragon, and shaking your asses... because winter? She’s here.
WARNING: Spoilers for the latest episode below, so if you haven’t seen it and don’t know yet who dies, who fucks who, and just how many times Bran was creeping in his wheelchair, turn back now.
WINTERFELL
Okay, so after the credits are like -
Tumblr media
we see this rando little boy running around and we’re kinda like, “Little Boy, what the fuck are you up to?” And he’s like -
Tumblr media
And it’s kinda like “Okay, little boy, chill the fuck out because D-Baby and J’Snow are COMING. TO. TOWN.” So they’re strutting in like -
Tumblr media
And Arya’s watching like -
Tumblr media
but also a little like -
Tumblr media
And meanwhile during all this, Barack and Michelle are looking around all -
Tumblr media
Anyway, the whole thing is like kinda gorgeous and super nostalgic but like in a good way and we’re kinda like, “This might actually just be really fucking great.” But then D&D are like, “Boy, do we have a fucking treat for you guys, ‘cause the first line of the season? Yeah, it’s gonna be a joke about how Varys doesn’t have a dick!”
Tumblr media
And what’s more constant on Game of Thrones than dick jokes? No, aside from gratuitous nudity. No, also aside from sexual violence against women. Yes, that’s right. Dragons. The lone survivors come flying over Winterfell, and Arya’s like -
Tumblr media
while Sansa is all -
Tumblr media
Truly not having it. Okay, so finally J-Snow winds up in the Winterfell courtyard and we see somebody creeping in the corner of the frame like -
Tumblr media
SURPRISE! IT’S BRAN! And J-Snow’s all, “Yo little bro, it’s so crazy to see you. You’re totally a grown ass man now.” And Bran is all -
Tumblr media
And we’re like, “Cool, so he’s like TOTALLY just a fucking meme now, got it.” 
Meanwhile, tensions are HIGH inside the Meeting Hall when Lady Sophia Grace reads. J-Snow. To. Filth.
Tumblr media
And so it’s like drama, drama, drama, but like none of it ultimately matters because guess who’s fucking back with like a REAL White Supremacist haircut?
Tumblr media
That’s right. Hide yo kids. Hide yo wife. And also minorities, because... that haircut is a little concerning.
Tumblr media
He’s basically like, “Gotta have more coal, gotta have more coal,” while P-Dinky and Sansa have That Awkward Remember When We Got Married talk and Bran watches from the courtyard like -
Tumblr media
Then for Reunion #5,765 we’ve got Arya and J-Snow. Arya is all, “You used to be taller,” and J-Snow is like, “You used to seem less like a sociopath.” 
Tumblr media
Anyway, they bond over Arya’s sword and he’s like, “Have you ever used it?” And she’s just like -
Tumblr media
And then J-Snow is like, ‘Look at us, we have swords, we have so much in common, also ISN’T SANSA A BITCH?” And Arya’s just like -
Tumblr media
KING’S LANDING
So Cersei is literally dressed like this.
Tumblr media
when Uncle Freddie Mercury struts into the Throne Room, and this time he’s brought Jon Bon Jovi along for the ride.
Tumblr media
HEY, GURL! So Cersei’s pretty stoked that she has Bon Jovi’s army, but also a little bit like -
Tumblr media
Meanwhile, Uncle Freddie’s just got one thing on his mind.
Tumblr media
And after putting up a little bit of a fight, Cersei is just like -
Tumblr media
And then we just cut to Bronn Piece of Fucking Shit in the middle of this -
Tumblr media
when Maester Frankenstein bursts in all -
Tumblr media
So the Boob Ladies have gotta go, but not before one of the craziest things ever to happen on this show goes down. First one of the Ladies goes to Maester Frankenstein all -
Tumblr media
And then he literally says, “Poor girl. The pox will take her within the year.”
Tumblr media
Yeah, glad we’re spending time on this. Anyway, I guess Cersei like... wants Bronn to kill Jaime and P-Dinky. Sure. Next.
Cersei is post-coital and all she can think about is -
Tumblr media
While Uncle Freddie is just like, “Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant,” and she’s just like -
Tumblr media
Meanwhile, outside on Uncle Freddie’s ship, all the guards are suddenly like -
Tumblr media
except legit one of them already has a fucked-up eye before he gets shot. I’m not even kidding, check it back... so I guess, no harm no foul? Anyway, it turns out it’s Theon rescuing his sister. And clearly we’re supposed to all be like -
Tumblr media
But instead it’s kinda like -
Tumblr media
Like. So easy that they steal a bunch of Uncle Freddie’s ships. Again. Like, Freddie. Get on your shit.
WINTERFELL
Back here, Varys is singing my favorite Harry Styles song.
Tumblr media
While D-Baby and J-Snow are running around like -
Tumblr media
Like truly has there ever been a piece of entertainment so sure we are invested in a couple and so wrong as Thrones is with these two?
Tumblr media
But gird your loins, people because D-Baby is like “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta RIDE MY FUCKING DRAGON.” So J-Snow is like -
Tumblr media
and then it just turns into this -
Tumblr media
meets this -
Tumblr media
Because when your lead actors don’t have chemistry, it’s best to surround them with CGI gobbledegook and then make them say the most fuckboy of fuckboy things ever. J-Snow: It’s cold up here for a southern girl. D-Baby: So keep your queen warm.
Tumblr media
Anyway, back to the real show.
Tumblr media
Much better. So it’s time for the second leg of the Arya Reunion Tour. We’ve got the Hound. We’ve got Gendry. And the Hound is all, “You left me for dead.” And Arya’s all, “Nuh-uh, first I stole that PAPER.” And the Hound is like -
Tumblr media
“Peace.” So then it’s just Gendry and Arya. And Gendry’s all, “Gurl you look GOOD.” And Arya’s like, “Yo I hate being called milady except when it’s YOU ON THE OTHER END.” And I’m literally like SALIVATING for these two to just BONE already.
Tumblr media
But first Arya shows him some shitty drawing and is like, “Can you make this?” And he’s like -
Tumblr media
So then we get to what winds up being the best part of the episode, which is the only time that term can be applied to anything relating to Samwell Tarly. I know, I’m just as surprised as you. So D-Baby struts in to see him and she’s all, “You’re the man.” 
Tumblr media
And she’s like, “Sure. I mean the man who healed Ser Jorah! THANKS FOR THAT!”
Tumblr media
“Oh, also, by the way. I literally burnt your father alive.” And Sam’s all -
Tumblr media
But then he’s like, “Wait, but now I can move back in with my brother!”
Tumblr media
And she’s like, “Okay so I burnt him alive as well.”
Tumblr media
So Sam’s like -
Tumblr media
So he’s having a bad day, right? Like it’s horrible enough that he has to deal with this shit, and when he goes outside he almost gets hit by a fucking wagon, but the worst of the worst is that he winds up running straight into -
Tumblr media
And it’s like BRAN! WHY HAVE YOU BECOME THE WEIRD WALDORF KID WHO CUTS HIS OWN HAIR AND LISTENS TO WAY TOO MUCH COLDPLAY?!?! AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST SITTING HERE?!?!
Tumblr media
Ugh, whatever. So he’s like, “Sam. It’s time to tell Jon the truth.” And Sam’s like, “Oh, bitch, you bet it fucking is.” So he storms down to J-Snow and tells him the two words he needs to hear most.
Tumblr media
THE LAST HEARTH
So Ginger Wildling and Eyepatch Dude somehow survived the Wall falling.
Tumblr media
And they’re wandering around this place we’ve never been before all -
Tumblr media
When suddenly they run into a bunch of Night’s Watch people and That Night’s Watch Dude Who’s Been Around forever shouts the thing I thought all Oscar season about Bradley Cooper -
“STAY BACK! HE’S GOT BLUE EYES!”
Tumblr media
But then everybody chills the fuck out and they go into this room where this little dead boy is the centerpiece of some bizarre art installation by the Night Queen.
Tumblr media
And they’re like, “Notice the use of light” when suddenly the dead little boy is like -
Tumblr media
and they’re like -
Tumblr media
Which makes for Child Burning #2 on this show. So that’s good.
WINTERFELL
Okay, so then we’ve got Mysterious Hooded Figure approaching the castle. And I’m like... “Melisandre?” And the show’s like...
Tumblr media
And I’m like... “Littlefinger?!?” And the show’s like...
Tumblr media
And I’m like... “Beyonce?!?” And the show’s like...
Tumblr media
And I’m like -
Tumblr media
Until he looks over. And who else should he see but -
Tumblr media
This fucking kid.
BOOB COUNT: 3 pairs BODY COUNT: 1 (RIP Ned Umber, whoever the fuck you are) EPISODE GRADE: B-
Tumblr media
Okay, so this spot used to be reserved for SER POUNCE’S STRAY THOUGHTS, but then D&D announced Ser Pounce is dead because they’re cruel bastards. So I announce the installation of:
THE SER POUNCE MEMORIAL FOR STRAY THOUGHTS
I was one hundred percent down with the echoes of the pilot episode - Arya clocking the little boy watching the procession just as she had, the scoring. I typically hate when movies or shows repeat earlier stuff in their home stretches, but this was well-done and satisfying nostalgia porn.
Why do we continue these ball jokes? Does anybody genuinely think they’re funny anymore? ANSWER ME!!!
There’s a long linger on Bran’s first look at Daenerys. I suppose this could be because he knows she’s Jon’s aunt, but maybe he knows something else in her future. But also who gives a fuck, Bran’s nuts.
Okay, so this Tyrion trusting Cersei shit - there’s gotta be something going on here, because I don’t believe for a second Tyrion would believe she’d actually come unless he, as suspected, struck some kind of deal with her. He says, “She has something to live for now,” which ties back to the moment we cut away from their scene last year. Could he have made some sort of deal about the baby? As in he will fight for the Lannister lineage? I don’t know what this means yet, but I will justify hardcore when the show starts making Tyrion look like a fucking dumbass.
It’s so frustrating that Jon is right - everybody does need to work together - and yet he seems to not accept that it’s completely valid that people should be challenging his leadership tactics after botching two military operations the last two seasons. I’m so over him.
Harry Strickland’s entrance with 6 episodes left feels suspect. Let us not forget that in the books there is the other Aegon who is represented by the Golden Company. We don’t know where that plotline is going, but it’s very possible Strickland is this character incognito, and that he will ultimately be the one to kill Cersei. He has only a few moments in this episode, but his looks at Cersei and the Red Keep are quite loaded.
I hate no character more than Bronn and I am also certain no character will survive more than Bronn.
Moments like the elephant shit turn these characters into campy weirdos that make me wonder if D&D even like these people at all.
I suppose I’m mildly interested in the fact that Cersei has so alienated herself from everyone that she has to turn to Euron for the tiniest bit of comfort. But then I remember that Euron is one of the most lazily-written villains ever and I stop caring.
Boy, the buildup for the Theon rescue mission was so great and boy, the payoff was lousy.
“I don’t know how to ride a dragon.” “Nobody does, until they ride a dragon.” Television writing - so easy a fourth grader could do it.
Dragon doesn’t like Jon kissing Daenerys. Does dragon want to fuck Daenerys?
As much as Sansa is calling Jon on the carpet about his allegiance with Daenerys and his seeming ineptitude at leading, she has even more grounds to be pissed off than she’s showing here. I’m hopeful that we are meant to side with her and that it isn’t the show just giving Jon another free pass for being the de facto “hero” of the show.
And the MVP of the episode shockingly goes to John Bradley, who is heartbreaking in his scene with Daenerys. Moreover, combining the Targaryen reveal to Jon with the notion that Jon may be turning a blind eye to Daenerys’ more psychopathic tendencies sets up a really interesting conflict that hopefully the rest of the season cashes in on. And having it come from the one person Jon knows wouldn’t lie to him made it all the more powerful.
“My father was the most honorable man I ever met” - the words of denial
“You gave up your crown to save your people. Would she do the same?”
So obviously the Bran stuff is just a fucking lost cause at this point. But even I will admit the symmetry of the ending with Jaime took me by surprise and gave me chills. I’m not a monster.
NEXT WEEK: Jaime’s got some ‘splainin’ to do.
5 notes · View notes
heartslogos · 5 years
Text
newfragile yellows [544]
“What do you mean you’ve lost the lottery ticket?”  Sera says, rounding on Malika, “Andraste’s blasted garters, Malika. We spent three hours making sure that ticket looked legit. Three fucking hours on one lottery ticket to make sure it could get past the fraud detection and you lost it? We don’t have another friggin’ three hours to make a new one.”
“Well. It’s got to be in this car somewhere, right?” Malika says, panicking as she starts pulling things out of her bag. “Just drive or we won’t make it in time.”
“What,” Lavellan’s voice is very calm through the car speakers, but also obviously very forced, “Do you mean you don’t have the forged lottery ticket?”
“We’re working on it, Boss,” Malika says, “Don’t worry. Sera and I always pull through for you.”
Sera can hear the sound of Lavellan moving very fast and the sound of people of getting out of her way very, very fast.
“I need Leliana and Herah,” Lavellan says, “Where’s Leliana and Herah? Of all the blasted times for them to not be where they always are…”
“You don’t need Leliana and Herah, we’ve got this.”
“We’ve got nothing,” Sera says. “I don’t know why you keep acting otherwise. Malika you had one job.”
“I did not have one job, I had fifteen jobs. Hold the ticket, be your navigation, keep up three separate chats with the people pretending to be three different people, do an inventory to make sure our gear is ready…that’s already ten different things.”
“Are you counting the chats and the pretend bits as separate things?”
“Yes!”
Sera feels like it probably shouldn’t count as separate things but she’s attempting to weave through traffic on a goddamn holiday so she doesn’t have the focus to argue.
“Bull,” Lavellan says, “Malika and Sera aren’t going to make it.”
“We will! We totally will!”
“They lost the ticket.”
“It’s got to be in this car somewhere! It’s a closed system.”
Sera can hear Bull’s voice but she can’t quite make out the words, but she can sense the same measure of frustration that she, herself, is feeling. And honestly…yeah. Nothing to say about that.
“We should’ve made two fucking tickets,” Sera says.
“It’s still here! I swear it is! It was in the car with all of our gear.”
“Hold on,” Lavellan says, and then they hear her cover the speaker and the sound of several people talking and then crackling. Lavellan’s running. “You took the wrong car!”
“What the fuck do you mean we took the wrong car?” Sera asks.
“Bull, check the garage,” Lavellan says, “Skinner, where the fuck is Herah? Get her to the garage and get her on her way to intercept Sera and Malika. Someone tell Leliana to make a fake accident or something. Fucking stall for time.”
“What do you mean we took the wrong car?”
“You took the wrong damn car is — we have three cars that look exactly like the one you’re in,” Lavellan explains, “And all of them are loaded up with our normal gear. One of them just got brought in by Maxwell and it needed refurbishing because there was blood in the back seats and someone spilled cocaine back there. Malika must have put the bag with the lottery ticket into one of the other models, and then one of our clean up crew probably moved it to another garage for clean up thinking it was Maxwell’s car instead of the one you were using.”
“Why the fuck were we parking the same car colors and models in the same flippin’ garage to start with then?” Sera snaps.
“Apparently we need to figure out a system for that. I’m hanging up, I’ll have someone send you a new route to stop at to pick up the forgery from Herah. Malika, keep stalling. I need this ticket to get into government hands or we’re fucked.
-
“Having the Boss learn how to play cards from an Antivan and a Qunari really, really set her up good,” Maxwell muses. “You should have seen her at the table with the Hawkes and the Couslands. She cleaned house. I think Garrett would be impressed if he didn’t lose so many favors to her.”
“I love that woman so much,” Bull says. “Hey. Guys? I love her. Did you see the look on Aedan Cousland’s face when she bluffed the fuck out of him? If there were gods I cared about I’d thank them for putting her on this planet for me to watch destroy everyone in her path.”
“Is there anyone overly upset with us?” Josephine asks, “I told her not to win too much.”
“She did take some losses,” Maxwell says. “But overall she showed up and turned up. It was like watching a painter. Or a musician. It was art, Josephine, really. You did the world a service in teaching her gambling.”
“Don’t worry,” Bull says, “I flagged the possible problems. Aedan Cousland’s a dick, but he’s kind of honorable. He wouldn’t stoop to doing anything over a game of cards. And if he did Solona Amell’s got it out for him anyway so we could tap the Hawke’s and Amell’s for help dealing with his attitude.”
“So what’s going on here?” Maxwell asks. “Did we miss anything good?”
“Define good.”
“Anything that might end up being the end of me if I don’t hear about it immediately.”
“Ah, well then. Zevran is here,” Josephine sounds a little strained. “And…well. You know how he and Ellana get along.”
Bull and Maxwell grimace.
“How can two people so similar get along so badly?” Maxwell muses. “Bull, you get Ellana, I’ll get Zevran?”
“Nah, you can’t handle Zevran, either,” Bull lints out. “He bats an eye at you and you’re all fluttery like paper in the wind. I’ll handle Zevran, you get the Boss and distract the fuck out of her.”
“By handle Zevran….do you mean…handle Zevran? Or handle Zevran? Or handle Zevran?”
“Maybe, yes, and if it comes to it,” Bull replies. “Don’t question my methods, Trevelyan.”
1 note · View note
retro-friki · 6 years
Text
Shoujo Kakumei Utena Manga Recap: To Till or The Plot Actually Happens
Tumblr media
Last time, we read the introductory arc of this manga, however wether you only saw the anime or this humble post is your first contact with “Revolutionary Girl Utena”  it doesn’t really matter if you haven’t read the introduction, the characters and most plot threads that appear there are never spoken of again so if the manga doesn’t care about them, neither should you (unless you want to take this quiz). The real story starts here. So first allow me to present you to the main characters:
Tumblr media
Utena Tenjou: The protagonist, she was saved by a prince when she was little and now her dream is to to find him and emulate him. Not very bright, but at least she’s good at basketball.
Tumblr media
Anthy Himemiya: She’s supposed to have a protagonic role but the manga often forgets that she’s a character. We could describe manga!Anthy as a total cutie with mysterious powers. What kind of mysterious powers? We’ll find out soon.
Tumblr media
Wakaba Shinohara: Best friend ever, 1000 times better than Utena’s other “best friend” from the introductory arc. If the universe was fair she would be Utena’s girlfriend, but we are in the worst timeline and Wakaba has a terrible taste in men.
Tumblr media
This douchebag (A.K.A Kyouichi Saionji): He’s a total asshole and would probably die alone unless he hooks up with…
Tumblr media
This other douchebag (A.K.A. Touga Kiryuu): He’s the reason of like 69% of my frustration with this manga. I even wrote an essay about it.
Tumblr media
These other two members of the Student Council: Are not important… yet. Let’s wait till next volume to learn more about them.
Anyway, let’s go straight to the story. Naive tomboy Utena Tenjou enrolls in the prestigious Ohtori Academy hoping to find her beloved prince that saved her many years ago. Meanwhile, the Student Council of Ohtori –– a very exclusive group formed by misguided teens –– dedicate their time engaging in sword duels in order to “win” the Rose Bride, a girl called Anthy Himemiya who has the legendary Sword of Dios inside her…. literally.
Tumblr media
Quite, literally. (Also, what’s wrong with Saionji’s face?)
Legend has it that whoever possesses Anthy and wields the Sword of Dios will have the Power to Revolutionize the World. If you have never seen the anime and all this mess confuses you, let me warn you that this isn’t the weirdest part of “Revolutionary Girl Utena”.
At the beginning of the story, Anthy is engaged to Saionji (the douchebag), how did this happen? not even the most cultivated utenologists know for sure, so don’t ask me. As we have stablished before, Saionji is a total jerk and treats Anthy badly (he claims he loves her even if he slaps her frequently) however, this isn’t what prompts our local hero Utena Tenjou to kick his butt, turns out that her best friend, Wakaba, was in love with him and Saionji broke her heart and humiliated her publicly. Utena proceeds to challenge him to a duel which he accepts because he wrongly thinks that she’s after the Rose Bride.
The ring that the prince gave Utena when they met is actually a key that allows her to enter the very secret Dueling Arena where the Student Council hold their very secret duels. The place looks really cool actually.
Tumblr media
(Notice the castle in the sky? This is normal in “Revolutionary Girl Utena”)
Even if she doesn’t know anything about this Rose Bride stuff, Utena manages to beat Saionji by using a broken wooden sword no less, because sometimes she can be a badass like that. Thanks to this, Utena earns the Sword of Dios, which causes her to go all Super Saiyan Pink.
Tumblr media
(what? you thought I was joking?)
Touga –– the Student Council President and also a total creep–– was watching the duel in secret and gets very surprised when he sees Utena wielding the Sword of Dios. Apparently Utena is the only one that has managed to activate the sword’s enormous power. He gets so excited that he jumps into the dueling arena and declares that he could be falling for Utena. The girl feels flustered and gets out of there as fast as she can…leaving Anthy behind. Good job, hero.
However, running away doesn’t mean that Utena is free from all this mess, soon enough she learns that she’s now engaged with Anthy and that both of them have to live together in the East Hall dorms (alongside Anthy’s weird “monkey”). Anthy explains that now that they are engaged more Student Council members are going to keep challenging her to duels on an attempt to win Anthy from her. Utena wants none of that nonsense and she decides to investigate, however. she gets distracted when she finds someone that looks like her prince at the rose garden. Just when she tries to get to him, Touga appears out of nowhere and kisses her…
Tumblr media
Ugh...
For some reason this particular kiss scene keeps appearing again and again in other iterations of the story like the musical and the light novels. In the manga there’s two pages of this and the second one is beautifully framed with roses. This is supposed to establish Touga as the charming playboy he is…but actually, the whole thing is annoying at best and gross at worst, not even the protagonist herself is happy with getting her first kiss from that guy…however, to be fair, it’s better than getting kissed in the seat of a car by a guy who doubles your age while your friend is watching… so yeah.
After that unpleasant experience, Utena asks Touga what’s going on. He explains that all the Student Council members get a ring just like Utena’s that helps them to access the Dueling Arena and fight in order to win the Rose Bride. They do this under the orders of a mysterious entity known as “World’s End” who only communicates with them via letters and who has assured them that having the Sword of Dios that lies within Anthy will grant them enough power to accomplish whatever they want. Yeah… sounds legit. Touga invites Utena to a dance and promises to tell her more about “World’s End”, however, the girl refuses.
Shortly after, Utena finds Saionji slapping Anthy AGAIN (this happens a lot in the story), she stops Saionji and tells him that if he has any problem with Anthy being engaged to her, then he should duel her again. Anthy is surprised that Utena is now getting involved in the duels. Utena says she’ll keep fighting until she finds out what’s really going on.
That night… (or some night, the manga isn’t good at telling how much time has passed), the girls receive a package from Touga with a pair of dresses for the dance, Utena still doesn’t want to go but she wants Anthy to socialize with more people and anyway, the plot needs them to be there so off they go.
Utena takes this opportunity to ask Touga about “World’s End” but the guy doesn’t tell her anything because he only wants to talk about how pretty she looks in the dress that he got her. Utena just wasted her time and she didn’t help Anthy at all since she left her behind. Meanwhile Anthy is being bullied and slapped, again. Look, if you’re taking an introvert to a party you MUST hang out with them and ensure that they are comfortable at all times! This is Handling your Introvert 101, Utena! Get a grip! To make things worse, Saionji appears, takes Anthy with him and tells her that he chose the dress she’s now wearing. Now I wonder if buying dresses for girls is Touga’s signature move and Saionji, being the big loser that he is, attempted to imitate him.
Our hero tries to rescue Anthy but, in a total dick move, Saionji keeps Anthy away from Utena and then proceeds to attack with a sword. Utena is defenseless because she can’t get the sword of Dios and also the plot has decided to turn her into a damsel in distress again. Now, I’m not expecting the hero to be a total badass who can win a fight with her bare hands (although that would be awesome), it’s ok if Utena is defeated sometimes, however, what really bugs me from this particular development is… well we’ll find out next time.
Tumblr media
(If the manga can end on a cliffhanger so can my recap).
See you.
28 notes · View notes
briann812 · 6 years
Text
[M] I Miss You (So Fuck Me Already) Part 1
Author: BrianN812
Pairing: Kyungsoo+Jongin
Word Count: 2817 words
Summary: Kyungsoo is annoyed that Jongin keeps ignoring him and he seeks the help of Baekhyun to get the sex going.
   AN: Legit there is no smut, but there is a mastrubation scene so I have to put the M rating. I’m in a study hall rn so sorry if there are typos, I’m rushing.
———————————————————————————————————–
   Ever since Kai started teaching dance classes to pay rent for the dorm that he and Kyungsoo shared, they haven’t had some intimate alone time in almost a month. And Kyungsoo wanted to put a stop to it… Immediately.
   He tried everything he was comfortable with doing such as making more time for Kai, or asking him out on a date, and even just talking to him about it. Unfortunately Kai was way too responsible for his own good and was putting work before the relationship. Apparently it’s so that “We can have the best time together after saved a lot of money.” Except the relationship isn’t going at the speed that Kyungsoo wants and he’s seriously considered being single, then he realized that he was a dependent wreck without Kai.
 Unfortunately for Baekhyun, Kyungsoo’s best friend since childhood, he had always been the box that Kyungsoo puts his complaints in. Whether it be about school, what to wear, and even on how to deal with Kai, Baekhyun was always the one that Kyungsoo went to for life advice.
 Banging in on Baekhyun’s apartment door, he shouted “Baekkie help me I’m in the middle of a life crisis!" 
   Baekhyun was still sleeping, or in his case lying in bed after having one too many shots the night before.. I mean come on it was Friday night. Not wanting to deal with the owl eyed boys crap at 8am, he yelled "Leave me along  I’ll deal with this later!”
   Rolling his eyes he said in retaliation “Pleeeeease!”
   "You can’t make me!“ Screamed Baekhyun.
 "You gave me a key remember?” Kyungsoo started to fumble with his jacket to fish them out.
 "Shit…“ Baekhyun mumbled as he heard a rattle, "wait two seconds.” He clumsily stood up to open the door and greeted Kyungsoo with a face of hate and the bare minimum that counted as clothes.
 "How much did you drink last night?“ He asked.
 "Enough to make me wish you would leave.” He sarcastically replied.
   "Mm" Kyungsoo hummed ignoring the statement, ���Anyways I’m having problems with Jongin HELP ME!” He said as he shook Baekhyun back in forth. Baekhyun smacked him across the head.
 "Cut it out what’s the problem?“ He asked. At first the thought of getting Kyungsoo out of the house seemed like the best option in the world, but hearing the desperation in his bestie’s voice, he couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit concerned.
   "So you know how Jonginnie has that job right?” He nodded, “Well ever since he got it be been getting to spend less time with him and I haven’t been laid in a MONTH! I haven’t let him stick it up my ass in a MONTH! Do you know how frustrated I am?!” He sounded like he was insane but that didn’t really matter at the moment.    Shocked at his friend’s choice of words he simply replied “And what the cuckoo you want me to do?" 
   "You said that one time for Chanyeol hyung’s birthday that you got a lot of kinky shit at a sex shop and had the best fuck of your life. Can you take me to the shop and help me pick out a few things?” He asked sweetly.
   Confused on which thing he is more surprised by (Kyungsoo asking to go to a sex shop or the fact that he’s asking him to help him pick things out) he said “Sure… But can we go tomorrow? I don’t think that I’m recovered from being hung over enough to go shopping in public." 
   "KK” said Kyungsoo. 
 Back at home the next day, Kai was ready to go to work when Kyungsoo was about to leave as well. 
   "Where are you going babe?“ Asked Kai. He was busy putting on a shirt.  —————————————————————————————————–
 "I’m going grocery shopping.” Kyungsoo lied blankly. He sucked at lying and he knew it, but he couldn’t say that he was shopping for anal beads and lingerie with Baekhyun.     Without even letting Kai say that he went yesterday, he said a quick half-hearted bye then rushed out the door. Kai was least to say, dumbfounded.
   Heading to Baekhyun’s house, he had no idea about what was going to happen. So many thoughts racing through his head. What if it doesn’t work? Will he think I’m weird? Will he break up with me? He almost thought about canceling on Baekhyun just to do it the old fashioned way of talking about it with Kai. Then he realized that he needed to do this to save his sex life.
   It was relatively 1 in the afternoon and he knew that Baekie was awake. i mean it was socially acceptable to start drinking so of course Baekhyun would be there. Knocking quietly, he hoped Baekhyun wouldn’t hear it just so they wouldn’;t have to go. But he did initiate it, so it wasn’t his friend’s fault. Opening the door slowly Baekhyun walked out in impossibly skinny jeans and a shirt that showed almost half his chest.
   "You look like a slut.“ Said Kyungsoo jokingly.
   "You know me too well!” Baekhyun said playfully, “ Anyways, let’s go!” getting into Baekhyun’s car, they drove off to the unknown (well to Kyungsoo) location. Driving almost silently, all you could hear was the rustling of leaves nearby and the bumps in the imperfect road. It was Baekhyun to initiate the conversation.
   "So what are you looking for to spice up sexy time?“ asked Baekhyun.
   "I’m not sure,” Kyungsoo replied timidly, “I just need something distracting enough for Jongin to kip his class tomorrow and fuck me.”
   "Well that’s a lovely image to see,“ Baekhyun said dryly, "I’d almost buy it on DVD.” Kyungoo hit baekhyun on the shoulder half jokingly “Hey I’m driving!” The victim screeched.
   Arriving in the at the shopping square Kyungsoo exclaimed, “Wait, I’ve never seen a sex shop here.” Then Baekhyun smirked then drove into a larger ally way and drove a ways straight till the sex shop. “Oh,,” Kyungsoo murmered under his breath.
   Entering into the store all Kyungsoo could see was a very elegant looking store that could almost be a boutiue if only there weren’t dildos lining the walls, mannequins with lace lingerie on then, and sex toys and supplies on the many shelves that are provided for the shoppers pleasure. Baekhyun took a shopping basket where they started towards the lingerie sets.
   "Um, Baekhyun… I’m a dude.“ Kyungsoo said with owl eyes. 
   "That doesn’t mean that dominant men don’t want want to see their little boys in lace bra and panties that barely cover their ass.” he gave Kyungsoo a playful, light spank that made the small boy blush redder than he already was. There were sets in blue, black, pink, red, and legit every color you could imagine. Kyungsoo was staring at the racks in awe. If this isn't sin, he doesn’t know what is. All he could do is watch his friend a set of small pink lingerie into the basket.
   "Why pink?“ Asked Kyungsoo.
   "It brings out the color in your lips.” Answered Baekhyun. Kyungsoo was known for having pink, heart shaped lips that his boyfriend loved to kiss so much. Now what used to be a full blown makeout session just turned into pecs in and out of their dorm door. That pissed Kyungsoo off, so he just nodded in agreement.
   Next they went to the changing room where Baekhyun shoved Kyungsoo in the changing stall with the set of pink lingerie. Baekhyun then shut the door to let Kyungsoo fight wor himself in the wild.
   "I’ll be back in about 2 seconds.“ Baekhyun said. While he was taking off his clithes, he could briefly hear Baekhyun saying to the man at the front desk, "Can I get a chastity belt that’s 3 and a half inches or 4 if you don’t have half sizes?” Kyungsoo half scowled half laughed. His friend knew him so well, almost too well. Coming back a minute late, Kyungsoo had somehow figured out how to hook the bra and Baekhyun came back with a 3 and a half inch chastity belt.
   "What’s this for?“ Kyungsoo asked.
   "So you can’t orgasm unless Jongin lets you.” replied Baekhyun cheerfully. Kinky Kyungsoo thought in his head. He put the chastity belt under the panties and he could see soomething small poking in front of the panties. 
   Baekhyun then knocked on the door and Kyungsoo let him in to the changing room the size of a janitor’s classroom. Baekhyun looked so proud like a parent that just saw it’s child graduate High School. 
   "You look so beautiful!“ Baekhun said while wiping away a fake tear from his eye.
   "Oh shut up and tell me if we’re buying it or not.” Baekhyun nodded and stepped out to let him get changed back into his clothes. He changed back into his normal clothes and went back out.
   "Ok let’s keep going.“  Baekhyun then led them to the wall of dildos and picked out a glass one that was about 6 inches and not thicker than 2 inches. "Suck this while your fucking yourself with a vibrator. In Kyungsoo’ mind, it was very erotic. I mean, it would be erotic in anyone’s mind, but to Kyungsoo, it was like a sin that would bring him all the way down to hell. 
   "Why do I need to do that?” He asked tentatively. He was nervous for the answer. He almost didn’t want to hear it.
   "It’s to give it the impression that you have a dark oral fixation and that will make him want to pound your mouth until he jizzes all over your pretty face. It’s as simple as that.“  Said Baekhyun with the most innocent smile he had ever seen in his life. The sound of it almost made him hard. Only the real thing could make him hard. Really hard.
   "Um… Ok Baekie.” He was scared to listen to his friend but with the amount they were about to but they weren’t about to back off now.
   Next was to the place where they needed the thing Baekhyun just mentioned… vibrators. He had never used a vibrator on himself before, Kai had used one on him however, and he loved it.
   "Um Baekhyun, I already have a vibrator.“ He said shyly.
   "And I tried it out,” Baekhyun stated, “And it sucked dick. Like it’s high power is my vibrator’s warm up mode. That’s why we are getting this baby.” He then proceeded to hold up a box that looked pretty long and had the words “Prostate Massager” on it. Now he had never used this before. He hadn’t even known this exist. But from the title on the box he could tell pretty well that it would be used to really get his back arcing. At least that was what his lover’s cock did to him.
   Getting everything that was in the basket, the both headed toewards the checkout station where a young man with the nametag Jongdae was standing at the back of the station and checking out the rather distaseful items.  
   "Got a special night ahead of you?“ He asked Baekhyun curiously.
   "Nah,” Baekhyun answered, “It’s for my innocent little friend here.” Kyungsoo blushed at that statement making the other two laugh out loud.
   "So that will be (insert price AN: Idk how much this would cost and I don’t want to over or undershoot)“ The clerk said gleefully. Kyungsoo was about to fish for his wallet when Baekhyun stoppped him and gave the clerk his credit card.
   "No need for you to pay Kyungsoo, I want you to spend that on groceries for a beautiful, romantic, delicous dinner with your hot boyfriend before sex!” He was always right about his delicous cooking. Agreeing reluctantly, he put back his wallet before grabbing his bags and then greeting the clerk goodbye. 
   Getting back into the car quickly, Baekhyun turned on the car and air conditioner and then headed towards the beauty parlor to Kyungsoo’s suprise. His eyes widened more than they already were.
   Seeing the very confused look on the youngers face, he just stated, “If you want to be completely compared for your man, your getting a groom and a FULL body wax.”
   "What do you mean by full body?“ He asked frightfully.
   "Everything…” Baekhyun said with a wag in his eyebrows. Kyungsoo just looked at him with the most ferfull expression ever.
   After the 2 hours of grooming his hair, skin treatments, and the full body (like EVERYWHERE) wax, he looked ready to be fucked up, and oh was he ready.
   Getting back into the car, Baekhyun then told him, “ So the plan is you will cook dinner for him, get him into the shower, then in your lingerie, use all of your little toys on yourself, and once he walks in on you, act very innocent about it and say something along the lines of ‘Daddy hasn’t been playing with me at all so i had to play with myself.’ and then have him fuck you into oblivion. It’s quite simple if you think about it.” he then nodded his head sceptically then just waited to get home.
   Back at the house, the boy was making some dinner when Jongin entered into their shared apartment. He was sweating pinballs and his skin was so supple. Kyungsoo was really hard in his lace panties he was wearing underneath his clothes. He tensed up right at that very moment. Jongin turned to him and smiled making Kyungsoo almost feel bad about having Kai ravage him until he can’t walk.
   "Hey babe, how was your day today?“ asked Kai.                 
   "It was great…daddy” He was muttering that under his breath just to make the other think that’ what he really said, but not really think that that’s what the smaller said.
   It indeed made Jongin semi-hard thinking about it sayin “What did you say baby?” He hoped he didn’t hear what he just say what he did. He also kinda hoped he did.
   "I just said baby, nothing else really.“ It kinda made Jongin kinda dissapointed but also was relieved, as he had a class early in the morning to teach. He sat down to eat the delicous spread that Kyngsoo set up of steamed dumplings and black bean noodles. 
   "What’s the occassion?” Askd Jongin as he happilt slurped up the noodles.
   "Nothing I just wanted to cook a bit for leftovers tommorrow, that’s all.“ I just wanted to seem very ceremonial today for the long night of you fucking me, that’s all  he said in his head. After eating for about 10 minutes, about half was the food was gone (Kyungsoo probably only ate 20% of that half) and Jong in went in to take a shower. Kyungsoo quickly wrapped up the food and then threw off his clothes to get into his other "clothes”. After wrapping the chastity belt around him and putting the key into a drawer, he slipped on the flimsy panty and bra combo, he got onto the bed, he shoved the dildo in his mouth, slipped off the panties, and turned on the vibrator. He was nervous as he hadn’t done this in a while. After the first few seconds, he knew that this vibratpr was so much better then his other one. With one hand shoving the vibrator up his ass, his other hand was pumping the dildo back into his mouth with the cool glass grazing the back of his throat. Good thing that he controlled his his gag reflex a long time ago.
   Jongin was walking in the room with a towel was covering his head to dry off his hair even more. “Hey baby, do you wanna watch am, WOAH!!!” In his view, he saw a slutty Kyungsoo pleasuring himself… without him. 
   Sliding the dildo out of his mouth Kyungsoo said, “Daddy please punish. I’ve been a bad boy." This made him irresistable to his now horny and hard lover. With a drakness in his eyes he punced Kyungsoo on the bead, making the latter screech.
   He never has had him being all daddy with Jongin kissing all over his neck and chest, he knew that he had hooked his busy bofriend to sucumbing to his needs.
   "Your in for a rough night baby.” Jongin roughly said giving him a light spank making him whine.
———————————————————————————————————–
A/N: Well that’s the first part. I’ve never done this before so please support me on this new journey I’m taking (I sound like I’m changing my religion wtf) so wait for the 2nd part and hopefully it will have some decent punishment smut :))))))). 
11 notes · View notes
onceuponamirror · 7 years
Note
omg I also refused to watch Lost for very similar reasons. I've also never seen any of the Star Wars films, so. I think i'm just a little outside of the zeitgeist, in a Not Cool way. Anyway you said you do meta and I was wondering: do you have any specific thoughts about the Jughead/Betty/Archie friendship when they were kids? I'm interested in your perspective on it. (All good if you have no specific thoughts about it though!) :)
sorry for a kind of delayed response! last couple days were busy. 
anyway, hello darkness my old friend, i’ve come to ruminate on childhoods again
the way i see it, up until, say, about age 7-8, the Andrews did not live in the nice little nightmare on elm street neighborhood (legit this is canon; the coopers live on elm street, like), just as i don’t think the Jones lived in the trailer park all Jughead’s life 
(also because he canonically had a treehouse at one point. things said in passing still count!!!!) 
so let’s say around age 8, Archie Andrews and his family move in next door to the Coopers. Andrews Construction is doing better—not great, but better—and in order to appease Mary’s growing restlessness, Fred thinks if he can show his wife a good, comfortable life, she’ll stop mentioning Chicago so much. so he takes out a mortgage, even if the man at the bank had seemed a little too eager to give out loans like candy.
before that, however, the Andrews and the Jones live nearby one another. not quite southside, not quite north; not quite bad, not quite great, but equal. 
Archie and Jughead are inseparable—in that Archie has an utter lack of boundaries and completely misses the dismissive social cues from a shy, quiet little boy who has never been good at making friends. 
what starts as being thrown together in a very rudimentary and machismo concept of a preschool at a construction site becomes a genuine friendship, if not albeit one that still halfway requires proximity in order to function 
and then the Andrews move, and FP is helping with boxes, and Jug is there to check out Archie’s new big bedroom in the big new house when he spots a little hand quickly disappearing behind a pink curtain across the way
he asks Archie then if they have neighbors and in a distracted voice, he says something to the effect of uh, yeah, i guess, but look at my tv, jug! 
they come downstairs and FP is looking around with his lips pressed together, a sense of wariness that Jughead will not know how to place at age 8 but will learn to not much later
(here is where my headcanon gets syrupy: the Jones were also a founding family. they ran a glass blowing factory that made the maple syrup jugs for the Blossoms—until Forsythe the First picked a fight with old man flower dick and got blacklisted and lost everything) 
(FP Jones, once the official Big Man On Campus, the boy with the sleek black camaro and money to spare, quickly learns what his life is worth) (his father turns to the drink and bitterness is a sweet fruit upon first bite)
(but hence, the name JUGhead, because life is a cruel joke)
the doorbell rings like the bell tower at high noon and Why It’s The Coopers! in all of their beautiful blonde glory carrying brownies. there’s the awkward shuffling of pairing up age groups and Jughead recognizes the little hand at the window as belonging to the girl who sits at the front of his classes. 
he should’ve known that hand anywhere, because it’s constantly in the air in front of him, stretched high over her head as she answers question after question. 
and at first—that’s it. 
but then after a couple of weeks, he comes over to the Andrews’ new house and Betty Cooper is there, sitting in his usual spot on the black beanbag, and he has never been such a sucker to believe in cooties, but how dare she? 
more importantly, how dare Archie let her? 
Archie is the only friend he’s got, and he knows from a growingly keener eye on Betty that she has got plenty of friends and she can’t have his 
this wariness and increasing surliness as childhood veers closer and closer towards adolescence, bringing with it realities that he Is Too Young To Understand, Jughead, But Your Father Knows What He’s Doing, but he still thinks he’s starting to 
and then the summer of pee-wee football arrives. they’re 11 going on 12, and suddenly Archie can’t hang out in the weeklong intervals Jughead has become accustomed to. when he shows up on his bicycle at the Andrews only to be reminded of this, he starts to turn away, when he hears a little voice calling to him from over the fence
it’s Betty Cooper, and she wants to know if he wants to go for a bike ride because oh my god, she just got a new one and she’s sooo excited to ride it and Look At The Tassels!!!Jughead! and he’s about to say um no way and how old are you that you still want tassels on your bike when that rattling mouth of hers offers him sandwiches and chips and lemonade and all that’s in his house right now is instant oatmeal so fine, Betty, Fine
they ride down to the river and end up talking about their favorite movies and books—and jesus, she really likes The Mists of Avalon, but besides that, she actually has decent taste and they vow to make Archie suffer through a classics night 
(and Archie absolutely hates Casablanca, the ending bothers him so much, and won’t hear the defenses from Betty and Jughead)
(but then they make him watch it again when Betty’s friend Kevin finds out she watched his favorite movie without him and it starts all over again)
that year, Jughead finds himself almost thinking that sometimes he likes spending time with Betty more than Archie, but he’ll never let himself admit it. he’s a purist, and Archie was there first. Archie is his best friend, even if lately all he wants to do is talk about girls and pee-wee sports
there’s a touch of irony when Jughead thinks about the fact that Betty is technically a girl too and he might think about her as much as Archie talks about Valerie and Cheryl and Josie and—
Jughead doesn’t dwell on it. he doesn’t.
and then they’re 13, and things really start to change. he’s shooting up faster than they can afford new pants, and so is Archie, minus the financial obstacles. Betty too. her hair seems brighter, her skin seems softer, and she finds an affinity for lip gloss
(Archie is the only one who doesn’t seem to notice, because by golly she’s good ol Betts! and pass the pizza, dude)
(Jughead thinks it doesn’t seem to bother her so much as it makes her transformation into a teenage girl all the more willful)
(—he also knows that her home life is stressful, and in a different way, just as stressful as his own—even if he can’t think about it too hard without needing deep breaths—)
Betty admits to him one afternoon by the river that her mom wants her to be so perfect and she doesn’t know what that means anymore. 
but then he sees her figure it out—perfect grades, perfect dress, perfect smile. 
perfect boyfriend.
people in their grades are starting to pair up and it’s freaking Jughead the fuck (*hell, sorry, he’s still 13) out, but nothing freaks him out as much as the fact that Betty is acting so weird around Archie now
he thinks what bothers him most is the way he can feel time pressing in on like a brick meeting mortar. things are changing and he hates it and he just wants to be watching movies in Betty’s basement and throwing popcorn at the tv with his friends, not watching her frown every time Archie watches a girl walk by
but what can he do? he’s not the perfect boyfriend. he’s not the one on the football track. he’s not all-american anything, unless you count trailer trash, because, well, that’s where he lives now
(as the narrator here, i must insert that what jughead is feeling at this juncture is less a crush and more the wistful nostalgia for the one he could’ve had)
(if only he had been born into a different family, he thinks to himself one night)
and that’s where he pulls back, because he’s getting a little sick of constantly thinking about paradigm shifts (a term he now understands and has rocked his world view) (ouroboros will be next) 
he dodges texts, he briefly entertains lunches at the AV club room until the school cuts the program because We’re Sorry Mr. Jones, but One Student Does Not a Club Make, until Betty swoops in like his goddamn white knight and insists she is in the club and now they can’t cancel it! 
and his attempts at pulling away are briefly loped off.
until high school.
freshman year is every thought he’s ever thought multiplied by ten, including all the ones about Betty Cooper. 
as the narrator, i again interrupt to remind the reader that this is not so much pining as it is defensive frustration—Archie keeps getting Perfecter, Betty is getting Perfecter, and they are going to be Perfecter together and they’ll realize that Jughead is not part of the picture they want to be painting and soon he’ll be avoided and next year, Archie will probably be shoving him into lockers like Reggie Mantle
and that’s why, when the summer before sophomore year rolls around, and Betty is going to Los Angeles for her internship and Archie starts acting cagey, he accepts this as the inevitable, and bows out, thankful for the time he did have
but that’s the summer that everything changes 
64 notes · View notes
authenticaussie · 7 years
Note
You posted a god!au awhile ago that had a snippet of another idea i thought was really interesting. Ace steals something from the gods and gods marco and sabo get sent after him, except they fall in love? it sounds so cool!
“except they fall in love” sighs happily yes I really Love that sort of schtick. Like!!! whoops didn’t mean to but oh no it’s Here. Feelings. Anyway it was based a LOT on the myth of Prometheus because like come ON, stealing fire….it’s totally ace omfg. So it took a while to figure out?? a plot?? ajhsdgf
ANYWAY AFTER LIKE 3000 YEARS!!!!!!!! (I’m so sorry) 
Commissions || Ko-Fi || [Requests are closed!]
So basically in the sort of deity system set up here, there’s three levels - you got your all-powerful fuckers ala Zeus/Poseidon/Hades (who???? Idk??? maybe one of them is Whitebeard?????????? Something like Sky/Sea/Earth and like, Dragon for Sky and Roger for Sea and Whitebeard for earth but at the moment the position for Sea is under contest ‘cause Roger just up and fucked off omfg. So Luffy’s a minor god gunning to replace him against a bunch of other gods!! But at the moment Sea is controlled by a couple of other 2nd Tier gods.)
 And they’re basically omnipotent but also they’re not allowed to interfere in the mortal world and they’re very Greek God in that they make mistakes too and That’s Just What Happens when you give ultimate power to immortal idiots. Regardless, they basically just Do Shit when they get prayed to in special places and by a heap of people. They’re the end-of-all-wars shit gods, and they Rule the. God place. Hence forth referred to as Olympus ‘cause I can’t think of a name atm and this is based enough off Greek mythology for me to get away with it haha. 
Second tier gods are like, gods of wisdom and power and war and math (////side note if I wrote this as original fic he’d be really calm and logical all the time and be an ear to the gods and talk about probability all the time but his siblings are the Fates equivalent and they FUCK WITH HIM SO MUCH WHEEZES).Anyway 2nd tier gods work as the go between for the 1st Tier and 3rd Tier gods. They do some shit in the human world, fuck around, make some miracles etc., but most of the work is left to 3rd tier godssss lIKEEE
marco and sabo!!! 3rd tier gods are really fucking specific. Like, god of stubbed toes, god of papercuts, god of singing in the shower, etc. They all are ordered around under different 2nd tier gods (eg. the god of papercuts and the god of stubbed toes would both work under the god of pain and stuff like that.) I’m not 100% sure but I think Marco’s a god of faith to family?? or like, faith to loved ones?? And Sabo’s god of forgotten memories. (He forgets things, but then he’s god of forgotten memory so he remembers them, but then he forgets them again- it’s frustrating being him). So they’re both under the gods of memory. Or. Something. SHRUGS??? USELESSLY????
Anyway, Ace has stolen fire! Which 2nd tier god Blackbeard, the god of Darkness, convinced the 1st tier gods that they should have. ‘Cause humans were dicks? And needed to live in fear and darkness so that they continued to worship gods? something like that. In actuality, fire was forming its own spirit/god/representation and he Really Did Not appreciate the competition. ‘Cause if fire formed into a God then Blackbeard had to share some of the 3rd tiers working under him, and a bunch of new gods would be created, and everything would go all topsy turvy for a while and Teach really liked how the world was coming along at the moment. He understood it and didn’t want thinks to change. 
But so, anyway, you know, forgetting memories and stuff - Sabo can track people, too, because people sometimes forget where they’d just been, or bits and pieces of it? and minor deities can look at Small Things and interfere w/ human lives, unlike 1st and 2nd tier gods, and he and Marco don’t get a lot of work so they’re waved off to go find Fire, along with a couple of other minor gods, (but they’re the ones who Actually find him, but, first,)  
They set about tracking Ace, who’s uh…..adapting to holding a Literal Godly Weapon pretty well, actually. And also getting a significant power boost just from luggin’ it around, he’s been setting stuff on fire and lifting shit up that most normal people Cannot Lift and giving everyone he meets fire and stuff and that all kiiiinda means he goes pretty slow haha, so marco & sabo catch up with him pretty easily (mistakes were made)
And so ‘cause they’re not s u p e r powerful, especially not in comparison to buffed-as-fuck by fire Ace, they follow him for a while and try and figure out a plan, and start?? Noticing some Weird As Fuck stuff. Like the joy humans feel when given fire, and that their prayers and worship seem to increase rather than decrease, and that it’s actually pretty weird that Ace managed to get away with stealing fire and now has all sorts of weird abilities that one only usually associates with a god and oh dear sweet lord he’s second tier isn’t he
This is Understandable due to the fact that like. There are so many gods. How are they supposed to know ALL of them?? Also 2nd tier gods are usually Dicks, or just plain busy, and so it’s a huge messy bureaucracy of running around and trying to find out if there even is a god of water and if so why isn’t the god of rainstorms under them instead of under Earth and who the fuck was meant to be taking control of the city this year because it just got invaded again and the Fates are laughing themselves sick in the corner gods damn it all
So Marco & Sabo are lowkey panicking towards each other and Ace is dealing with weird as fuck memories from the fire - ‘cause, see, BAM BAM BAAAAAAAAAM
The fire made him!!!!!
Well, okay, slightly more complicated than that. Remember how I mentioned that Roger fucked off? well he gave up his immortality to spend the rest of his life with a human lady called Rouge. They end up as stars when they die, together forever, but, also, there’s still the hint of a god in Roger and the slowly building concept of fire, trapped and unable to do anything, basically sent down a blessing to Rouge and Roger’s kid, and the kid was Ace! Who’s kinda, Disney hercules movie style has lots of weird shit happen to him. He’s got crazy endurance and strength and speed and Rouge is looking at Roger disapprovingly as Ace grows up and Roger’s like I didn’t!!! do it!!!
Anyway so Ace has dreams of fire and weird visions all his life and finally confides in his parents and Roger reveals a bit of godly knowledge in the form of a myth and says that fire was stolen and kept by the gods and Ace is like oh I must be getting a vision from one of them to steal it! And none of them question that this might actually be a really bad idea so they just let Ace go and the fire’s like fuck yeah, rejoining! And starts reclaiming its power/joining with Ace to make ace god of Fire, but he’s still mainly human now. And doesn’t know he’s meant to be a god haha, he’s just like oh this is cool, superpowers! Must be because of this thing I stole that really makes sense?
Anyway he’d end up being a second tier, which is why he has all these random as fuck powers, but meanwhile sabo and Marco are d YI N G BECAUSE WHAT!!!!!!!! DO THEY DO!!!!!!! And Marco and Sabo are like literally what the fuck do we do ‘cause!? They’re not powerful enough!!! to fight a 2nd tier!!! 
And then Ace gets hurt.
And gods can’t get hurt.
so Mar/Sab bust out and are like haHA you’re not a god!! You were lying!!!
when the fuck did I ever say I was a god? Ace asks, and then is like, ah dear sweet lord they’re gods I shOUL D HAVE EXPECT ED THAT ONE. And they have a little fight but Ace is still kinda injured and so they basically? Sit on him? And are like “return fire to the gods”
“Fire belongs to humanity!” / “Also like, I got??? visions of stealing it????? So some god obviously wants me to have it.”
“There’s a lot of fuckin gods man, just ‘cause one sent you visions doesn’t mean you go out and steal something from the goddamn gods. That’s why we have official translators!!!”
“Which god was it???” Sabo asks curiously, and Ace is like, ///gestures uselessly
“Idk???? fire god??? I was just holding fire. Which like. Hasn’t been a thing since Mom’s era.”
“There is no fire god.”
“What, legit????”
“Yeah, ‘legit’. Who sent you the visions?????”
“Idk, I told you!!! I just saw myself holding fire!!! And using it, and sharing it, and-”
“What, like, using it using it?”
“How else would I use it?”
Confused As Fuck Boys TM, just looking at each other, and Ace is like hey btw can you get off me now?? / “No, you’re our prisoner”
“WHY”
“'Cause you stole?? From the gods??? We were sent to retrieve you???”
Ace makes grumpy mumbling sounds but is like “yeah fine I’ll come w/ you bc I want an explanation, but I still want to share fire with people so we’re taking the long way.” / “Ugh fine.”
And like, marco and sabo are immortal, so it doesn’t really matter to them if they take the long way, and they found him and fire and well if he dies then that’ll be an even easier way to get fire back home?? And there’s other entrances to the gods’ domain in different places, so they just decide to head for one of those, and pick their way across the world.
And they’re first pretty snarky with each other, (especially after Ace finds out that they’re minor deities, he laughs at them once he discovers what for,) and they battle a couple of monsters together, and Ace spends late nights alone, fascinated by the twirl of fire around his fingertips, and the jar where he was keeping Fire gets smaller and smaller bc it’s bonding to him, but none of them realise until later, once they’ve started to become better friends and trust each other and have a routine;
And then marco notices and accuses ace of tricking them and Everyone is pissy and Mar/Sab are like, no we’re heading home now, before you use any more of Fire, how are we supposed to ??? Explain this???
(An alternate take to this scene was them realising that Ace was becoming a god/that fire was always meant to belong to humanity and being like “oh okay, better protect you, but how do we avoid-” *disappointed 2nd tier god shows up* “guys seriously you had like one job”.)
Anyway Ace is kind of their prisoner now and keeps trying to tell them that he didn’t steal the fire (well, apart from his initial stealing), that he was planning to fulfil their deal and he wouldn’t have broken it and Sabo’s like why should we believe a thief?? and Ace is like you believed me before!
Or, like!!!!!!!!!!! Oh maaaaaaaan Marco/Sabo manipulating Ace to go to the nearest domain entry, 'cause they’re not powerful gods and can pretend to be human and travelling together and Ace trusting them and confiding in them and Marco and Sabo confiding bits and pieces of their lives in him too and slowly starting to reveal that they are gods and being happy and slowly realising Ace is turning into a god but then 
WHOOPS TOO LATE THEY’RE AT OLYMPUS AND EVERYONE’S LIKE WOAH CONGRATS YOU MANAGED TO CATCH THE HUMAN and Ace is like wait what 
Marco and Sabo are like no, no, no, wait, there’s actually been a mistake-??? But Ace is super fucking pissy and No-One is Listening, (and actually I like this one better so this is basically what happens). 
SO ACE IS A PRISONER AND MARCO/SABO COME VISIT HIM AND HE REFUSES TO TALK TO THEM AND THEY’RE LIKE NO, LEGIT, PLEASE LISTEN TO US??? And Ace just scoffs and is like why. You lied to me, and you tricked me, and I thought you believed me about the visions and you didn’t tell me there was no fire god???
We think you’re the fire god
And Ace just laugh/scoffs at them because seriously, out of EVERYTHING THEY’VE SAID??? This is the most ridiculous. And they ask him to fight back, or escape, and he’s like, “The punishment for disobeying the Gods is death - both here and on Earth. And besides, what am I supposed to do, try and live my life hiding from beings that are literally omnipotent???? idk about you but I don’t think that’s gonna work.”
And so Marco & Sabo go and try to talk to the 1st teir gods, but have to go through 2nd tiers, and they meet Blackbeard, who worked his way into being part of the council representing Sea atm, and they’re like look we think he’s actually a new god??? And Blackbeard is like oh no, rlly?? my goodness gracious. But gods aren’t formed from humans, tho, and sidetracks them and confuses them and delays them and then they hear the announcement for Ace’s trial/execution and Blackbeard says they’re not allowed in bc they’re only minor gods, and Marco & Sabo are like yeah but we were the ones who bought him in??? Shouldn’t we be called to testify??
“We already know how this trial will go.”
“Well that defeats the purpose of a trial!” Sabo snaps, but Marco tugs him away and they sneak in instead and Ace is kneeling down and glaring at the gods and the almost-empty jar that used to hold Fire is on a pedestal to his left, but Marco and Sabo are Really Fucking Afraid 'cause they know Ace is afraid?? And they’re like jfc how well do we…..know him?
And Ace catches them looking and the fire starts to slowly wink out, just, dying, as he lowers his head and accepts his fate and refuses to look at them, and they’re like no no no no no it can’t happen like this, he is the fire god-
And Sabo leans forwards and just, please, he thinks, he prays, and Ace jolts and looks up at him and his eyes are so wide and startled and Sabo jumps too but then-
Ace can hear his prayers.
“Please!” he thinks, desperate and angry and hopeless, and Marco frowns and steps up beside him and puts his hand on Sabo’s shoulder and he just mumbles, “He can hear my prayers,” and Marco goes stiff next to him, hand tight around his shoulder, and then both of them can hear-
“Please. Save me.”
WELP HERE COMES THE NOT-YET-BOYFRIENDS SQUAD ///sniggers. They totally just jump in front of Ace and Marco stalks forwards and is like, “You can’t have him!”
“Uh….why…not?”
“He swore his fealty to us. Therefore, as 2nd tier gods, it’s our job to decide his punishment - if he even deserves a punishment.”
“You’re only 3rd tier gods!!!” blackbeard yells, and Sabo grins and the last of the fire winks out and Ace’s skin glows warm and bright.
“No. 'Cause Ace is a god.”
“You’re minor gods,” someone points out, “your domains are useless!”
“Forgotten memories and Faith?” Marco says, “Ace had faith in us, and the Fire forced him to forget who he was supposed to be; We were powerful enough to hide a new god.”
“when the heck did he swear fealty??????” someone else yells, and Marco folds his arms while Sabo makes the chains around Ace’s arms a forgotten memory, helping Ace stand up, “He asked us to save him. That’s fealty enough.”
“And what did he give you in return?” someone sneers, and the crowd is pressing in on them, but Ace steps forwards and there’s fire on his shoulders and in his eyes.
“My life.”
anyway they go and upend the structure of the gods omfg and ace experiments with his powers and visits his parents and tells them what went down and rouge is like ROGER, SERIOUSLY. and thwacks him on the arm bc ofc her son’s now a god jfc, and there’s!!!
Marco and Sabo are adjusting to their new roles and trying to figure out what the fuck they’re meant to be doing and they’re still kinda 3rd tier and still kinda 2nd and basically mar/ace/bo form their own little….god squad? (SNIGGERS) And their affiliations change slightly and shift to match each other and there’s quiet moments where they figure out what to do and one day sabo’s like you don’t- you know, you’re immortal. Swearing your life to us- You can have it back, if you wanted-
“I don't,” ace says, and they get it , they get the infliction of the word and what he means and so that’s the end of that.
22 notes · View notes