#anyway i gotta get to work before i combust from stress | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lunaastoir · 3 years

Note

Heyhey! May I request a childe x reader where the reader simps for him but he doesn’t know? Like what if she was online best friends with the tsaritsa but the reader doesn’t know the tsaritsa is the tsaritsa so she constantly simps for childe to her. Like “OMG HE’S SO CUTE.” AND STUFF LIKE THAT. So since she’s like besties with the tsaritsa the cry archon decides to set her up? Thank you :>>>>

AAAAA NONNIE holds your hands gently this is so cute i love it :,)

genshin doesn’t have internet/technology but for the sake of this ask shhhhhh we’re gonna pretend they do

i hope i interpreted your ask correctly, if i didn’t just lmk <3

crack, fluFF- LOTS OF IT???

the tsaritsa’s meddling

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

all you wanted were groceries. that was all you wanted. you were standing in line behind the stall as you counted the items you needed to get. salt, milk, sugar, fowl, what else? you were lost in thought as you prayed that you had enough mora to buy everything - god knows how hard eating is as an adventurer. which was why, when you dropped your precious mora, your mind immediately went into panic mode. not now, not now, please don’t let the line move, you begged internally. in hindsight maybe if your mora hadn’t dropped, maybe if you weren’t at your wits end as a broke adventurer, maybe if you had just bought those damn ingredients sooner, you wouldn’t be in this position. as you breathed a sigh of relief after collecting your money and returned your gaze back to the stall, the only thing you could do was stare. where...did everyone go? instead of simply turning around and fleeing which should’ve been your first instinct considering how deserted the place was, you stood there trying to process the information. that was, until you saw a head of auburn hair peak up out of the stall. startled, you almost dropped your mora again. as the tuft of hair gave way to a very tall, handsome, blue eyed man, your brain short circuited.

oh god how you wished you had run when you had the chance. you imagined you must have looked quite comical; mouth hanging slightly open, the list of ingredients fisted in your hands while mora was hanging precariously from your fingers. after what seemed like an eternity, the man seemed to finally notice you.

“oh hey, you must not have noticed but this stall is sold out for the fatui”

the sentence accompanied with his signature smile practically brought you to your knees. that smile? aimed at you? you would be surprised if you weren’t drooling.

determined to not look like an absolute idiot you flashed him a smile of your own before saying, “sorry my bad, i must not have been paying attention” while doing what little you can to get some semblance of balance. tuck the mora here, try to balance your list more gracefully, move that piece of hair from your face.

his eyes surveyed your undoubtedly disheveled appearance, before making a quick decision.

“what items do you want, i’m sure i can spare a few ingredients for someone as pretty as you”

one blink. another blink. did he just call you pretty? oh my-

“oh no, it’s really ok, i can just get these later - it’s not that important anyway” you lied through your teeth. you needed those ingredients or you were most likely going to starve on the road but he didn’t need to know that.

“don’t worry about it, as a harbinger i’m sure my subordinates can overlook a few missing ingredients” he smoothly said before gesturing you towards him.

“i’m childe by the way, if you didn’t know” his eyes flicked up to meet yours.

“y/n” you offered while handing him the list.

as he looked over what you needed, you tried your best to keep your breathing steady while your mind raced. if you didn’t know? of course you knew who he was, who didn’t? you would know better than most considering how often you thirsted about him to your mutual. if anything, you should’ve been the one saying that line to him. as an adventurer, you tend to not spend much time in liyue harbor, chasing down ruin guards and running errands was how you would rather keep yourself busy. however, ever since you saw childe in liyue, sharing a pot of tea with zhongli of all people, you started swinging by the harbor more often. fascination was what kept you seeking him out wherever you went. you had heard about the infamous eleventh harbinger, supposedly the youngest of them, all while being quite easy on the eyes. you had brushed off all the talk you had heard to just that - talk. international affairs wasn’t something you cared for and if anything, seeing the fatui made you wary. however, your curiosity grew after seeing him whenever you were in town. you chalked up your eyes subconsciously seeking out his figure to the fact that he was just an interesting guy. nothing wrong with wondering about a peculiar fellow, right? you went through excuses upon excuses until finally, you had concluded that perhaps, maybe, you had a little crush on him. tiny, you assured yourself. just a tiny crush on a very attractive man.

that crush then trickled over to your time spent talking to your mutual. it started off with little hints of “oh there’s this guy i saw and i thought he was kinda cute” to full blown hysteria of “PLS SEND HELP HE LOOKED SO GOOD TODAY.” @cryogoddess definitely had a lot of patience putting up with your thirsts over a man she didn’t even have the name of. you felt horrible sometimes since more than half of your conversation was about the newest detail you had noticed about childe - however your protests on boring her were met with reassurances about how no, you weren’t boring her, and yes, this is the most lighthearted talk she’s had her entire day so please keep going. you weren’t exactly sure what this woman did, or even how old she was. all you knew was she was someone who was constantly stressed (maybe a fellow adventurer?) and she was quite honest (which you happened to appreciate). despite how busy she was, she seemed to always make time for your texts which made you feel like you could trust her with anything.

“is that all? do you need anything else?” childe’s voice interrupted your mental tirade as you owlishly looked at him.

“oh! yes that’s fine thank you” you smiled before taking the bag from him. grabbing the mora, you rushed to hand out the correct amount before he stopped you.

“don’t worry about it, it’s on the house” he laughed slightly before waving your mora away.

it’s on the- excuse me? did he just give you all this for free? is this what fatui hospitality is like?

rushing to close your mouth, you quickly recovered while slurring out a quick “thank you so much” before shouldering your bag. your brain was currently running on fumes and you were very sure that if you stayed there any longer you might just combust.

“well, i’ll be off then, thank you again” you shot him another smile before quickly scurrying away.

without turning back to look at his expression, you moved as fast as humanly possible while trying not to seem like you were about to jump out of your skin. you didn’t know what was more embarrassing, your thumping heart or the dopey smile on your face. there was no way you were ever going to get over this, not with the way he looked at you the entire time. sighing, you put your bag down near a bench and pulled out your phone. at least you had an update for your friend that consisted of something other than just mindless thirsts.

your mind was still reeling over from what happened as you texted her with shaking hands. the reply was immediate: “wow, you finally got up the courage to talk to him huh.” you rolled your eyes playfully at her blunt message. “bY ACCIDENT- IT HAPPENED BY ACCIDENT,,, guess he couldn’t keep himself away from this sexiness 😩” another blunt reply: “right.” smiling softly, you responded: “thanks for hyping me up bestie i really appreciate it <3 ok but maybe childe and i belong together??? is this a sign from the archons???” you stared waiting for her reply, however you were met with a read 8:45 pm. you’re lucky i love you bestie, leaving me on read during my crisis you whispered to yourself as you shouldered your bag once again to head home. at least you won’t be starving tomorrow on your commissions.

as soon as you entered your house, your phone lit up. “wait. as in childe, eleventh of the fatui harbingers, also known as tartaglia, feared by many on the battle field, currently stationed in liyue, major pain in the ass, and is currently ignoring some of his paperwork???” - @cryogoddess. your eyebrows furrowed as you read her message, “yes that’s him but why do you sound so freaked out and how do you know sm abt him?” another notification: “i can’t believe you’ve been thirsting to me abt CHILDE.” you: “KDJKSFJ YOU DIDNT ANSWER MY QUESTION - also??? i thought i told you his name did i not??? 😀” her: “no??? wow this definitely is...interesting” you: “BESTIE ANSWER MY QUESTION DO YOU KNOW HIM???” her: “i’ve gotta go, work is calling.”

you sighed in frustration as you tossed your phone on your bed. why was she so freaked out? you weren’t dumb, you knew there was something she wasn’t telling you but you trusted her enough to know she’ll let you know if it was important. you wondered as you pulled the covers over your head, if you’ll meet childe in your dreams and if you do, hopefully, in a less embarrassing scenario.

the next morning, you awoke to a barrage of texts from none other than @cryogoddess. they were all along the lines of you should go to bubu pharmacy and stock up on medication this evening (i heard they’re having a sale). you responded back with a maybe, if you had time today after your commissions and if xiangling didn’t stop by with some food. however, your mutual made you promise you would visit in the evening, even if it’s just for a few minutes. you gave in because a) you never could say no and b) she made it sound like it was urgent so maybe she was obsessed with medicine? hmmm you would have to figure out where she lived so you could send some to her.

you walked toward bubu pharmacy while tiredly sheathing your weapon, loosely taking in your surroundings. kids playing near the pond, teenagers chatting at the steps, adults keeping a watchful eye over their kids while laughing about the day’s events. your eyes studied the sign outside of bubu pharmacy. sale? what sale? there doesn’t seem to be anything regarding a sale?

“y/n?” a mildly familiar voice called your name. you whipped around looking for whoever uttered those words before your eyes fell on none other than one blue eyed harbinger. he was holding a few silk flowers in his hand as he stared at you with a sheepish smile.

“hi” you stuttered out. your mind was blank, what was happening?

“oh sorry, these are for you. i don’t mean to make you uncomfortable but i heard that you might be interested in me? you caught my eye at the stall yesterday, so i was wondering if you would want to grab lunch from the third-round knockout and then go watch the sunset at mt. tianheng? there’s this really cool trick i can do with my hydro vision where i can make the sunlight dance across the waypoint.”

you stared at him as you wordlessly took the silk flowers from his hands. the golden light of the setting sun cast his face in a beautiful sheen, softly showing off the gentle blush on his cheeks and the brilliant blue of his eyes. his auburn hair seemed to grow alive at the touch of the fiery light and all you could do was stare.

childe’s confidence seemed to wane with every passing second that you gazed at him, open mouthed, so he decided to save himself the embarrassment before hesitantly opening his own mouth.

“yes, i would love to” you quickly said. you smiled gently up at him.

“i would love to watch the sunset with you”

you felt your cheeks burning up as you looked at him with soft eyes. when he returned your expression with a dazzling smile of your own, you could feel yourself relax. yes, your heart rate was off the chart right now, but you were content. the sunset, childe, and the silk flowers was something you never knew you needed, but were glad you got. you had enough time later to worry about the oncoming mortification of how he found out you liked him.

a single notification appeared in your phone as the two of you walked laughing towards the mountain.

“you’re welcome <3″

BONUS:

“i know i’m too sexy for you to not fall in love with me” childe sighed dramatically as he leaned against you for support as the two of you went up the stairs.

you promptly rolled your eyes and pushed him down the steps as you walked ahead with his protests falling on deaf ears.

#BYE I FORGOT TAGS KAJDHDHS #genshin headcanons #genshin scenarios #genshin impact #childe x reader #genshin fluff #genshin imagines #genshin impact headcanons #genshin childe #tartaglia x reader #genshin tartagalia #tartaglia #genshin impact childe #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact tartaglia #genshin crack

127 notes · View notes

nancywheelxr · 4 years

Note

For Sokka/Zuko prompts: falling in love + fighting non-bender style

hey, anon, i love you and i hope you like this <3

“Come spar with me,” Sokka says, just like that. The sun is setting in the sky and Katara’s food is beginning to stir Momo from his nap, and a few feet away Zuko can see Suki attempting to teach Aang a very basic fighting stance while Toph laughs.

It still doesn’t explain why Sokka is still there, looking at Zuko like Zuko is the insane one for being doubtful. “Why?”

Sokka flails. “Why– because! Because I’m bored! Because I want to! Because– I don’t know, Zuko, why does anyone do anything?”

“You do realize you would lose, right?” He says instead of trying to parse through his reasons. Only Sokka knows how his mind works and after the awful days spent in the prison, Zuko’s learned it’s no use trying to follow his logic.

“Excuse me!” Sokka gasps, offended in a way that shows on his whole face, “I’ll have you know, I’ve been trained by a master in the arts! I’ve got a space sword!”

He wonders how liberally the word trained is being used. “Still.”

“Oh, I see how it is,” Sokka sharpens in a smirk, arms crossing over his chest, and Zuko watches amused, a little disconcerted at the whiplash between expressions. “You’re scared you’re gonna lose. That’s okay, I get it, I’d be too if I were you.”

It’s not that Zuko doesn’t know he’s being played, he knows, but the challenge is still out there, in the air, and he has never been good at standing down. Sokka’s got him there and he knows it and Zuko knows it and probably even Katara, wherever she is, knows it too. “Fine,” he snaps, scowling because otherwise he’d be smiling and Zuko’s never been very good at that either. At least he thinks so, it’s been a long time, he can’t remember, anyway. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Sokka laughs. “Famous last words.”

A friendly spar is not something Zuko remembers doing. Training, yes, or showing off when he thought his father might be looking, or the thing Azula did where sometimes she would tackle him and they would wrestle and pretend it’s not meant to hurt, but not this, not until now.

But it’s nice, too, and it burns off the restlessness that’s settled ever since they left the Boiling Rock, and Zuko aches to think he’d been trying to destroy this sort of thing only weeks ago. His sword clashes with Sokka’s and they glint silver in the rising moon.

Sokka grins.

In the moonlight, he glows, and Zuko thinks of the boy with war paint on his face standing as tall as he could in the way of a warship, and something in his chest twists and aches again– it’s been a long road to here, but he sees the ocean on Sokka’s eyes just as clear as they had reflected the waves that day. “Tired yet?”

Yes, Zuko wants to say, frighteningly so. “Not a chance,” he replies instead because that’s not what’s been asked, and presses harder, hits him in the ribs hilt-first, smirks like he’s learned.

And so it goes, steady like clockwork.

“You know,” Sokka says the next night, “this place is pretty neat, huh?”

Zuko, who knows this temple by heart already from patrolling every night before sleep in the first week, figures neat is probably the understatement of the century. “You could say that.”

“It’s at least on the top three places we camped,” he continues, pushing further on his attacks and forcing Zuko to pull back in defense. Then, his face softens a little, eyes darting fleetingly up at the moon and around the clearing, and this sort of vulnerability, of distraction, is the perfect moment to make his move, but for some reason, Zuko can’t bring himself to do it. Sokka grins ruefully and the whole world goes a little dizzy, “it kind of makes you wish we could stay here forever, doesn’t it?”

Feeling oddly off-tilt, he shrugs, distracted. “I guess,” he shakes his head, hopes to clear it with the whiplash.

Sokka rolls his eyes, lowering his sword. “Well, no need to sound so excited, jeez, I was just saying.”

“Sorry,” Zuko blinks, watches the muscles on his arms work as he reaches for his canteen, watches water spill down his chin, the curve of his neck, and disappear under his shirt. Right. It’s definitely time for a break.

His own water does little to his dry mouth and it’s only when he tries to nudge their lanterns just a bit brighter but finds the flames flaring up higher, that he notices the racing of his heart hasn’t faded yet. Sokka smiles, and says something about their itinerary, and Zuko listens, and listens, and listens.

The Western Air Temple is left behind and it feels awfully final, Sozin’s Comet a hanging threat on the horizon. It won’t be long now.

Zuko sits on Appa’s back and watches Sokka, head bent over a map with his sister, the rising sun painting his skin. At his side, Toph makes a startled noise. “Really, Sparky?”

“What?” He frowns, dragging his eyes away to find her looking at him strangely. His face warms and his hands close into fists, even if he’s not sure why. Half of him kind of hopes Toph tells him, but the other half is terrified of the answer.

She shakes her head, makes a face up at him. “Nothing, just thought you should know– you’re so not subtle.”

It’s not like she’s wrong, but Zuko would still rather know what he’s letting show on his face now. Fear? Sorrow? Anger?

It doesn’t matter, in the end.

It won’t be long now.

After his coronation, it takes Sokka three days to find him in his study, table littered with reports and law texts, an insurmountable mountain of things he must fix, must change, to even begin thinking of reparations.

“How did you get past my guards?” He asks without looking up from the scroll in his hands. The candle by his elbow flickers, throwing golden shadows across the paper.

Sokka is smiling, Zuko can tell even while turned away, and there’s the rustle of his brushes being shuffled away from the edge as he leans against the table. “I’m like, a war hero now. It gets me places.”

“Suki let you in, then,” Zuko finally allows himself to roll up the scroll, tilt his head up for once to talk with him, and grins. He was right, Sokka is smiling, easy and malleable.

“Like I said, it gets me places,” he shrugs, kicks the leg of his chair, falling serious, “hey, she also said you’ve been here a while.”

Zuko sighs, feeling the exhaustion snaking around his bones, the tight aching on his chest from the branching scar Azula’s lightning left, the unsigned paperwork he left in his quarters this morning. “There’s a lot to do,” he says truthfully.

“Yeah, no shit, but it doesn’t have to be done in a day,” Sokka rolls his eyes, kicks his chair a little harder. There’s a crinkle between his brows and it’s very distracting, it makes Zuko want to reach out and smooth it away, trace the lines until they faded back to someplace peaceful. “And you don’t have to do it all alone either, dumbass. Come on, you need to relax before you combust in one big fireball of stress.”

“I can’t,” he rubs at his eyes, willing the weariness to settle back, and closes them for a second– inhale, exhale. “There’s too much– negotiations will begin soon, they’re sending ambassadors– and the school curriculum, it needs to be revised– and, and–”

“Zuko,” Sokka says, and his voice arrests Zuko’s focus impossibly. Zuko really wishes it didn’t because now he has to look at Sokka, give him his full attention, and it’s overwhelming. The moon is backlighting his figure and Zuko never noticed how much the blue of his clothes, his eyes, stand out in the red and gold of the palace. It makes Zuko’s lungs hiccup and his heart constrict painfully, a warm ache blooming just behind his sternum– a summer tide, heating up his skin against the night chill, and even before he asks, Zuko knows he would give him anything, there’s no choice for him. “Come spar with me?”

Zuko puts out his candle. “Yeah, okay.”

“I gotta say,” Sokka says, sword steady on his hands, “this place is a hell of a lot better than that clearing at the temple.”

The practice room has a mat to break their falls without leaving scraped skin behind, at least, and practice swords blunt enough they don’t have to worry about accidentally losing a limb. “The view isn’t all that great, though.”

Something shifts in Sokka’s eyes, softer and warmer. “I don’t know,” he shrugs with painfully fake nonchalance, “it looks pretty great to me.”

There’s a flush rising to his cheeks and Zuko doesn’t understand why for a second, but looks behind his shoulder at the closed doors, frowning, because this sounds like Sokka’s strangely smooth awkward flirting he’s witnessed. “I don’t think Suki can hear you from here,” he feels the need to point out, speaking around the sudden catch on his throat, “and the door’s closed anyway.”

Sokka chokes. “That’s not– I didn’t– what–” a pause as he seems to gather himself, “I didn’t mean Suki. Why would I mean Suki? She’d probably kick my ass for a comment like that, anyway.”

Zuko frowns. “Because she’s your girlfriend?”

Another round of startled coughing. It’s a really good thing those swords are blunt, after all. “We broke up, like, ages ago? After, you know, the comet and everything. It put things into perspective or something, I dunno. It was different, with no war or anything, when it was just us hanging out.”

“Oh,” Zuko clears his throat, something odd fluttering around his chest, and tries to think if there was something different about Suki in the past few days. He doesn’t think so? It’s hard to tell, he’s been busy and she always smiled when she saw him– it did feel like her eyes had grown a little more knowing lately, though, like she knew something he didn’t, but that could probably be his lack of sleep talking. “I’m sorry?”

Sokka snorts. “No that’s rough, buddy, this time?” but before Zuko could apologize for that too, he waves him off, “it’s fine, don’t worry about it. I think we just realized we loved each other better as friends. Maybe the fact that both of us are fine is a sign breaking up really was the right thing.”

“Like Mai and I,” he nods, understanding. Being with Mai had been nice, safe and comforting, but when she had taken his hand and told him she would be leaving with Ty Lee, Zuko hadn’t been heartbroken. Mai had smiled, a small pretty thing, and hugged him, face buried on the curve of his neck, and he misses her dearly, but loving someone doesn’t necessarily mean being in love with someone.

“Yeah,” Sokka twists his sword on his hand, eyes following the arc it makes in the air, and his smile comes in gentle waves, washing over Zuko with its cheeriness. “Now come on, quit stalling– I’m so kicking your ass this time.”

With a sinking dread, Zuko refuses to acknowledge the realization just beyond his fingertips, curling his hands around the hilt of his dao blades fiercely, and ignores the gentle smoke wafting from his palms.

Denial doesn’t take him too far, unsurprisingly. His feelings for Sokka have been building without his knowing, a spring that’s grown into a river spilling into the ocean, stretching in all directions, far beyond the horizon line.

It’s far too late to try and contain now.

Instead, Zuko will just have to learn to carry that around too, board it up away from the light, careful not to let any of it tumble out in the open. In the past, he’s never been very good at keeping his emotions in check, but since the Sun Warriors, he thinks he might be improving a little.

Not that Sokka makes it anywhere easy for him. So far, none of them have left, on the contrary– Katara has taken upon herself to boss the healers around while the injured are slowly trickling in from all over the countries, Aang and Toph have ingrained themselves in every one of his meetings since no one has dared to question their presence yet, and Sokka– well. Sokka seems to be everywhere these days.

Sure, Zuko knows they won’t stay forever, they all have a home to go back to, families to return to, but for now, well.

“Dude, wanna see how many fire flakes I can fit in my mouth?”

For now, there’s Zuko watching Sokka sit by his window, basking in Agni’s light and smiling at him while digging into the flake bowl even though he knows the spice will burn his tongue. “I’m guessing around two before you start crying?”

“It’s not that bad,” Sokka glares, but it’s mellow and gentle, late-afternoon lazy, and Zuko has to forcefully remind himself not to stare. “Yeah, no, okay, it’s bad, it’s bad!”

He pushes the milk he had nicked from the kitchens earlier just in case something like this happened towards him, snickering like he’s not hopelessly endeared. “I did warn you.”

Sokka glowers. “Shut up, I’m building up a resistance.”

“If you say so,” Zuko allows, knowing it will rile him up and make him flush, probably go into a rant, and hides his own smile. Affection bubbles on his chest, I know you, he thinks, I know you by heart.

Predictably, Sokka pushes off his seat, crowding on Zuko to tell him exactly where he could shove his condescension, and Zuko twists on his own chair to face him, an eyebrow raised. It doesn’t slow Sokka down, though, if anything, it inflames him further, makes him take another step forward, slip between his legs to poke at his chest.

“ – and, and,” Sokka trails off, looking down at where his legs have bumped on the chair, and seeming to finally notice how very close they had gravitated. Zuko shifts and his knees graze Sokka’s pants, and his skin seems to burn even through the cloth. Swallowing thickly, he risks looking up, shakily trying to keep a blank expression and feeling the ocean raging around his ribs. Sokka’s eyes are wide and blue, a gentle wave crashing on the sand, and any words die on his tongue. “So, uh.”

He hums questioningly, one hand clinging to the table edge, undoubtedly leaving soot burned handprints behind.

“I, erm, forgot what I was going to say,” Sokka admits quietly, and Zuko wants to think his gaze has slipped down to his mouth for half a second there, but it’s very hard to think when they’re close like this and if neither of them moves soon, he fears his chest might crack open like ice, spilling his love all over the floor, heart falling at their feet, bruised and stitched up as it is. “Hey,” he nudges his knee.

Zuko burns. “Hi?”

“I think– I think I’m gonna do something real stupid right now,” he says, “and I’m really hoping you won’t hate me for this later.”

There’s no hating you, Zuko wants to say, because he’s been falling since, perhaps, the South Pole, and by now, there’s no stopping. His feelings are an ocean and Zuko’ll drown in them.

Sokka doesn’t want a reply, though. He exhales shakily and suddenly, his hands are on Zuko’s cheeks and Sokka is leaning down, kissing Zuko. Lightning sizzles inside him and you don’t stare at the sun, so Zuko closes his eyes, hands closing on Sokka’s waist to draw him closer, feeling like he might die from this, would gladly die for this.

“Hey,” Sokka says again, pulling away, and Zuko chases him that inch, a pull and push of tides, and there’s breathlessness in the air they share, “so, no hating, uh.”

Zuko touches skin under his shirt and feels Sokka shiver under his hands. “What do you think,” he murmurs, so painfully fond that his whole self aches with it, “I love you, dumbass.”

Sokka laughs, light and bright, like sea foam, and kisses him again, and again, and again, like he knows Zuko has been walking around with all these impossible wantings inside him and now there’s a hollowness that leaves him afraid he might float up if untethered. Like he knows Zuko’s never thought he’d get to have this, to be this happy. “You’re such a jerk,” he says, “I love you too,” a kiss, a hand tangling on his hair, his heart, bursting, “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

#zukka #sokka x zuko #zuko #sokka #atla #zukka fanfic #atla fanfic #avatar the last airbender #atla tag #zukka tag #writing tag #look an as

275 notes · View notes

boomerang109 · 3 years

Note

*looks at my fic, which hasn’t been updated in 4 weeks (other than edits because i Didn’t Like It) and i’ve now driven myself into a horrible writers block immediately after outlining the entire thing possibly because i have outlined the entire thing and i forgot where i was going with this but am i sending it anyway yes i am please god tell me to write someone threw my motivation out the window and it’s all muddy now and i don wanna touch it oh god what even is that metaphor see what i mean about the writers block anyway ily cant wait for the next chapter of wwda get it out when you can don’t stress ily bye*

don’t tell me why my brain is like “yes we can answer this but we’ll combust if we look at any messages.” there’s no logic but i’ll get around to your messages and everyone else’s there. (to everyone waiting for like two sentence answers who’s seeing me post paragraphs, i’m sorry. the braincell does not function)

the way that i’m in YES! i can help! mode even tho i myself am lowkey in writer’s block which means i’m not qualified at all ajfhjghfgfdjghj

first of all: outlines are just to guide you. they stress me the fuck out too (which is why i’ve refused to put my wwda outline to paper, despite the fact that this means the timeline is absolutely fucked. like it’s in my brain, but if i put it on paper i’ll try to stick to it and i’ll freak out--see my month long break when i had an “outline” for chapter four). you can have goals for chapters (ie, lay groundwork for foreshadowing/character development/etc) but overall? just let yourself sit in front of the computer and vibe. don’t think about where you’re going, just think about where you are.

“i don wanna touch it oh god what even is that metaphor see what i mean about the writers block“ this? this is you judging yourself while you write and i don’t want to see ANY of that shit. writing is a process and editing is a thing, but when you’re doing your first draft you just gotta word vomit. sorry that’s a gross phrase but that’s what i do. and honestly? most of wwda is barely pieced together word vomit. idek why anyone likes it, but they do. and even if they didn’t--nothing would exist if you don’t put something to paper to start with.

apparently this advice doesn’t apply to everyone (i still can’t process @hella1975 ‘s writing technique like what the actual fuck) but for me one of the big things with writer’s block is starting where i want to start and just writing whatever fucking scenes i want. idk if that makes sense so i’ll put it into the context of wwda. so when i was still in my fucking intensive class i wasn’t writing cause i didn’t have time except for like a few minutes before bed at like 3am. now at 3am i’m not gonna write suki and azula being rivals cause i can barely handle that dynamic when i’m Focused. but at 3am i’m sad as fuck and i generally like to peruse the ao3 dadkoda tag, so instead i just wrote my own dadkoda scenes for much later (although they’re not actually that far off) in the fic. are they gonna need some editing cause i was just like ‘maximum angst even tho this scene is supposed to be about healing’? yes. yes i was. now the other day on the plane (when i really should’ve been working on an essay i didn’t end up finishing) i was like okay, i need to work on something actually relevant to chapter 12. but i’ve worked myself into a corner with my azula & iroh scene so i didn’t want to deal with that bullshit on two hours of sleep and also being called “miss” and other female terms in the airport got me all in the gender feels so i was like oh! i’ll write some more enby aang! and i wrote this like gorgeous passage or two on aang’s gender feels. and yeah, it probably makes no sense for aang cause i wrote it from a pov that was too much me and not enough aang, but the point still remains. i skipped to a part of the chapter that was important to me. and then i realized that aang could be having these thoughts in the context of another scene which led to . . . and there i was with somewhat of a complete thought for the chapter.

also along those lines, if you’re having writer’s block you gotta look at that block. what’s wrong? is there something wrong with the story up to this point? is there something you don’t like about where you’re going? is there something you really want to write that you’re not letting yourself write?

cause the thing is, we’re not professional authors. we’re fic writers. we do this for fun cause we love the characters. so if you’re not loving the characters for some reason, you shouldn’t force yourself. take the pressure off yourself. this fandom is so supportive, they’re not going to rush you (literally look at the fact that even as you say you’re excited for wwda you also tell me not to stress) and remember to apply that to yourself. it’s okay to need a break, whether that’s cause the vibes are off or cause you’re tired or any other reason.

i tried to write a bunch of different thoughts cause i know different things work for different people, i hope at least one of these ideas help. i literally haven’t looked at wwda even though i really want to be writing (and i still haven’t been reading fic). sometimes our brains just don’t cooperate. and yeah, i could sit here and yell at myself and go “what the fuck boom you’ve been looking forward to writing for literal weeks and now you have time and you’re doing other stuff what is wrong with you” and sometimes it’s really tempting to give into that. but the truth is i don’t usually do as much work as i did the past few weeks on as little sleep as i got so i’m really fucking tired. and so i’m giving myself a break. and i’m just not emotionally prepared to read fic cause--oh oops i hadn’t admitted to myself until right this second that i was avoiding fic cause i’m suppressing my feelings that kinda hurt wtf this wasn’t supposed to become therapy hour wtf. but as dumb as all that feels to put, i’m not gonna delete it cause i’m sure you’re gonna read it and say something along the lines of “it’s okay to rest and wait to read/write if that’s what you need!” cause you’re a nice person. so say those things to yourself IF that’s what you need. but if you’ve been sitting in bed for weeks and don’t have any reason not to write, maybe it’s time to word vomit. or if you have a problem with your story maybe you should look at that. just, do whatever works for you but be gentle with yourself. give yourself the same kindness you give others. whenever i’m not sure how to handle something (or how to treat myself ig), i’ll ask myself how i would give advice to a friend. so maybe try that. look at yourself, your writing process, your fic like it’s a friend’s and be like hmm. what would i recommend my friend do? and if weird rambley advice that probably displays my many years of therapy is helpful to you, then know my inbox (and my messages that i swear i’ll answer some day) are always open. i’m not gonna read this over cause i know if i do i’ll be too embarrassed to post so i’m just hoping it’s helpful. much love <3

#ask a boomerang #snakefarm tag #long post

4 notes · View notes

retrauxpunk · 4 years

Text

silicon valley grand finale recap: 6.07

everything under the cut, complete with spoilers :)

okay alec berg

okay

you won me over as i suspected and hoped and wanted you to but i dared not hope too much because of what a clusterfuck 6.06 was in my opinion

i had low expectations as a defence mechanism

but i’ve just watched this magnificent 45-minute farewell behemoth of an episode and you know what? FINE.

FINE

IT WAS REALLY REALLY GOOD and it’s good enough that i’m now slightly less mad about 6.06 because you know what OKAY the dumbass rushed-execution plotline about the AI — yeah okay now that the finale’s out, OKAY, YES, it was WORTH the russfest deus ex machina fucker to get THIS.

a really good finale that i’m. HAPPY WITH.

i FELT THE EMOTIONS when i was meant to feel them! it resonated! it was brilliant!

oh man

i don’t know if i have too much to say because i’m just quite happy with it and now that the whole thing’s over, i no longer have the suspense? but okay let’s see

so firstly i woke up to a DM from some fucker (someone i’d intermittently chatted SV with on instagram after they reached out to me; someone who, prior to this, i would not have called a fucker) and all i saw were the notifications reading something like ‘have you seen the episode’ and ‘heartbreaking’ and i swear to god i was fucking livid because, like, i recognise that that’s not a spoiler DETAIL about PLOT per se but i’m one of those freaks who, when i really like something, i don’t want to know fucking ANYTHING! including the emotional reaction anyone has to it because then!! then!!!! i fucking start thinking about what happened! it’s giving me some kind of information that i previously did not have and which i did not want to have because i DO NOT WANT my experience coloured by other people’s reviews! because they give away SOMETHING

(if you were doubting the veracity of me relating to richard the most out of the characters. behold this petty rage and tell me i’m wrong)

(also i KNOW it could’ve just been saying ‘the show’s over now and that’s heartbreaking’ but the point is I DON’T KNOW THAT RIGHT because you only get a truncated view in notifications and it’s not like i’m gonna open the fucking chat to CHECK if it’s ACTUALLY A SPOILER at the risk of viewing S P O I L E R S)

(they don’t call me the richard hendricks bitch for nothing, that moniker has a new dimension now)

yeah so i blocked this guy (and then sent him a technically polite and civil but otherwise really fucking pissy DM in response after i’d watched the episode) and then went about my day

i had a good day, which was good. gotta be in the right mood to consume the final installment of my favourite tv show ever.

i started watching.

documentary, huh? this is. INTERESTING.

and it becomes clear that something’s fucked up. even without instagram fucker’s comment, it is clear. given the fact that richard looks like a lonely soul in a retirement home at the beginning of the documentary, with all the colours/backdrop and the weighty comments of how ‘everything was fine’

and then there’s the party ... hurray ... richard in the cake! love it. sometime do some fic/art of richard popping out of a cake in a jarrich context lol

monica’s gift of the text messages! that’s really sweet and i loved it.

THE DOT. HOLY SHIT RICHARD YOU EAGLE-EYED MOTHER FUCKER

also u fuckin nerd with the ellipsis comment........... tbh i get it, i appreciate that joke

(oh jared. dutifully laughing at all his jokes. LITERALLY LIKE HOW SOMEONE WITH A CRUSH LAUGHS AT ALL THEIR CRUSH’S DUMBASS JOKES HHHHHHH)

I really enjoyed when jared mansplained and got bitten by monica lmao i just ............ i’m not fully able to articulate why i liked it but i REALLY ENJOYED IT hahah

GILFOYLE!! appearing with the lock the doors comment and cliff bars and a gun ...... oh boy i love him ;_;

i enjoy that they explicitly(ish) mention that gilfoyle’s an alcoholic lmao

also, dinfoyle shippers, gilfoyle passing out in the men’s room after a rendezvous with dinesh? huh? huh? -aggressively nudges and winks-

...anyway

i love that it’s the combination of richard’s obsessive meticulousness and gilfoyle’s hardcore work ethic and security-mindedness that reveal this fatal flaw with pied piper. it’s a nice collaboration of sorts and it speaks kind of to each person’s greatest strengths (diligence, thoroughness) (i mean we know richard’s other greatest strength is the talent of his coding and gilfoyle’s other greatest strength is also his brilliance and also his being smoking hot but y’know i didn’t say greatest strength at the exclusion of others...)

OH MAN

YES GILFOYLE you have a strong moral compass and want to kill the monster!

laurie being in prison .......................for no clearly defined reason.....and her hair’s still perfect..... yeah i’m here for it. also she does strike me as someone who’d do pretty much fine in prison lmao

i liked richard and jared’s rooftop conversation. i ..... i was annoyed with jared mentioning gwart because THAT WHOLE THING WITH GWART AND JARED LEAVING AND THEN COMING BACK AND THE I MISS YOU AND WHATEVER I DON’T CARE WHILE LITERALLY CRYING AND ALL OF THAT STILL FEELS LIKE AN ARC THEY STRAIGHT UP FORGOT TO CONTINUE/RESOLVE AND I’M STILL FUCKING MAD but aside from that i liked the conversation.

this whole series has been instance after instance of richard’s idealism and moral compass seeming to thwart his success because he refuses to do shitty things and instead chooses the harder but ultimately morally good path, and it’s ...... i love that this culminates in him making one of the most difficult/painful idealistic choices of all: let his dream of six years come to fruition and possibly (rather than certainly, at this point) ruin the whole fucking world, or kill his dream and really truly make the world a better place by SAVING THE FUCKIGN WORLD?

UGH YES *chef’s kiss*

love that jared’s agreeing with him/supporting him the whole time and you can fucking SEE richard calming down from his initial rage and seeing that, oh, okay, no, he has no choice, he Must kill the beast he has created...

and at that point screaming FUCK from the rooftop seems like a pretty sane response

love the cut to him in his i-mean-business blue hoodie (was it his blue hoodie? i can’t remember but i feel like it was?) being like ‘gilfoyle’s right’ lol

THE THING WITH DINESH’S CAR AND CRACKING TESLA’S ENCRYPTION

this was cool enough that i did not care about technological feasibility, Rule of Cool achieved

and dinesh’s speech about how he couldn’t be trusted! oh boy

like jared said, it was a magnificently courageous moment of cowardice. LOVE. IT.

(also i couldn’t help thinking, lol was this done as a response to kumail nanjiani’s schedule clashing with the others so they had to have all his scenes separate rom the rest of the cast? i mean either way they executed it stunningly)

oh BOY THE THING WITH GABE AND JOHN STAFFORD!!! and you know if gilfoyle had been friends with john stafford then maybe john would’ve fucking called gilfoyle and checked before fixing this shit!!

is this what they intended? i’m not sure. but it sure makes the gilfoyle chess subplot seem a lot less frustrating than the other going-nowhere-but-comedic-relief subplots that were in themselves fine but made me mad when i saw how rushed 6.6 was

gabe lmao

fuckin gabe

BUT GOOD ON GABE FOR LETTING DINESH KNOW JUST IN CASE!! THANK YOU GABE!!!

and OH BOY DINESH! YOU CAME THROUGH! YOU HAVE A GOOD CORE AFTER ALL! YOU COULD’VE DONE NOTHING AND BECOME RICH BUT YOU CLIMBED A SKYSCRAPER’S WORTH OF STAIRS AND SAVED THE FUCKING WORLD!

lmao i loved kumail nanjiani’s horrible wheezing as he opens the door and then despairs and then wheezes his way up the surprise additional stairs, i actually started laughing in my seat. brilliant physical comedy.

also loved gilfoyle’s ‘are you jacking off’ ‘did you do one push-up’ jibes lmao

brill

YES DINESH SAVED THE DAY!

AND GILFOYLE SAVED THE DAY! WHEN RICHARD (not entirely unreasonably) FUCKING FROZE AND GILFOYLE MADE AN EXECUTIVE DECISION AND TRUSTED DINESH AND IT PAID OFF! YESSSSS

oh and speaking of trusting dinesh. richard being like ‘dinesh you fucked us’ and then apologising and dinesh being all ‘you’re good, i’d think i fucked us too’ AHHH *chef’s kiss*

THE RATS? LMAO THE RATS? verging on maybe too ridiculous but I THINK I LIKED IT.

oh boy

CONAN

BILL GATES LOL

KARA SWISHER

PRESUMABLY MANY OTHER BRILLIANT GUEST STARS I MISSED

YES

oh man that convo on the roof! the only issue i had with that was jared being relegated to the seats behind them WHY ! WHY WAS THAT!!

ok i’m gonna headcanon it as like, they were gonna make room for him but he was like ‘OH NO NEVER MIND I’LL SIT BEHIND YOU, I LIKE BEING ABLE TO WATCH OVER YOU ALL’ ok there i fixed it. it’s plausible and i fixed it.

gilfoyle drinking entire bottles of tres commas? man he’s so hot and alcohol-soaked i’m astonished he hasn’t spontaneously combusted yet

THEY SAVED THE WORLD ;___;

MY BABIES SAVED THE WORLD

oh and now the present day................ (of the episode) ......

gavin as a trashy romance novelist and denpak as his long-suffering ghostwriter/collaborator? LOVE IT LMAO yeah sure why not!! and that scene when they’re arguing but then have this breakthrough about their novel in progress? AMAZING HAHAHAH i hope they’re happy together

RICHARD IS THE GAVIN BELSON PROFESSOR OF ETHICS WHAT THE FUCK

I MEAN OKAY FIRSTLY he is well-qualified to be an ethics in tech professor given his experience

BUT DOES IT NOT KILL HIM TO HAVE GAVIN BELSON IN HIS TITLE LMAO

maybe gavin made a hefty donation to stanford and bighead gave enough of that to richard that richard doesn’t mind

maybe at this point richard’s developed a good enough sense of humour to tolerate it because if he didn’t, he’d go fucking insane

he said he was happy .................... was he? i’ve no fucking idea tbh. what do you guys think? richard’s happy with a high-paying non-stressful job, or richard’s sad and despairing? ......i’m gonna go with the former. maybe wistful. maybe he’ll start another company one day. idek.

god when he said his best friend gave him a job ... for a second i thought it was jared. but oh well. OH WELL. OH WELLLLL.

LOVE that big head is president of stanford and it’s not addressed AT ALL how that happened and you know what? we had enough of him failing upward that we don’t need an explanation! this seems totally plausible! amazing.

and josh brener’s acting when they’re like ‘do they call you that because your surname is bighetti’ .......... amazing

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DINESH AND GILFOYLE STARTED A COMPANY TOGETHER AND HOLY FUCKING SHIT OH MY GOD

hey i just realised is NEWELL ROAD the place where the guy who bought dinesh’s laptop from the office clearance sale lived where gilfoyle turned up pretending to be geek squad to punch a hole in the laptop????!!

okay i just went back and checked and that’s not it. BUT newell road is the street the hacker hostel’s on!

which is fucking adorable and i love it.

ALSO

AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED THEY FUCKING MADE DINFOYLE CANON BECAUSE LOOK GILFOYLE SAYS THAT THING ABOUT DINESH BUYING THE HOUSE NEXT TO HIS BECAUSE HE LOVES HIM AND DINESH HAS NOTHING TO SAY BUT ‘FUCK YOU’ AND YOU KNOW WHAT

YEAH THEY DID IT

THEY STARTED A COMPANY TOGETHER AND GOT MARRIED

i swear to god when they said there was a meeting i just briefly imagined the ‘meeting’ was them sneaking off to a supply closet to fuck or something

YESSS

so we didn’t get jarrich but WE GOT THIS

okay whatevs i’ll take what i can get *blows coolly on nails*

jared working with the elderly! that thing about having parents and being someone’s parents! that’s so beautiful and makes so much sense it works somewhat as a salve to the darkly comedic but ultimately not really necessary punch to the gut that was the discovery about his biological parents.

judy reading one of gavin’s romance novels HAHAH YES

oh boy! the reunion!

i swear to god when richard and jared walked up to each other IT STILL FUCKING FELT LIKE THEY WERE GONNA KISS

everyone hugging!

GILFOYLE LOOKING TO THE CAMERA WHEN RICHARD AND JARED HUG

to me, that’s him being like ‘look at these two. ten years and they’ve not realised they’re in love yet’ hahahha

oh and Monica working for the NSA? yeah i can see it hahahah

jian-yang’s crazy jungle empire? yeah fuckin checks out

(RON’S PANIC WHEN RICHARD STARTS ADMITTING GUILT AND HE HAS TO BACKTRACK LMAO love the law jokes/references)

dinesh referring to gilfoyle’s horrible corner hahaha it’s so clear they fucking love each other they wouldn’t have fucking started a company if they didn’t also THEY LIVE NEXT DOOR TO EACH OTHER WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD THANK YOU FOR THIS GIFT

at first i was like oh god did richard and jared not see each other for years??? but then there was that line about ‘i saw you last week’ and i’m so happy again. headcanon best friends (not to say that big head isn’t also a best friend of richard’s) and they catch up and love each other and then fall in love down the line (TIME TO WRITE A FIC LOL)

WHEN JARED HAD THE THING IN HIS BAG I GUESSED IT WAS THE ALWAYS BLUE THING AND WHEN IT CAME OUT I ACTUALLY PUT MY HAND OVER MY MOUTH AT ALL THE FEELINGS AND OH BOY OH BOY YESSSSS

<3333

richard losing the thumb drive. HA.

good. good setup

now the spinoff of sv is this apocalyptic hellhole because the thumb drive fell into the wrong hands and now pied piper have gathered to face/fight the apocalypse

i..... could write that fic. i could.

i imagine in that apocalypseverse jared has super surprisingly become a ruthless leader of a tribe, dinesh and gilfoyle are dual rulers obviously (or like, scavenger rebels on the fringes), monica has a terrifying tribe of followers or has made herself indispensable to another leader, richard is working as a tech slave for someone horrible (or is out in the woods after being stranded away from civilisation when the first attacks/clusterfucks occur) but then gets rescued by jared/the rest .............. yeah

OKAY ANYWAY

in short i really really liked it and i think the whole idea of them having to purposely fail to save the world from the terrible genius of what they’ve created is a fitting and deliciously bittersweet way to end this wild journey and i LOVE THIS WHOLE FUCKING SERIES and i don’t wish it had ended any other way

except for richard and jared kissing and sailing off into the sunset of course

#rain watches sv s6 #silicon valley #sv spoilers #sv s6 spoilers #silicon valley spoilers #precipitation #my sv text posts

27 notes · View notes

choupichoups · 5 years

Photo

Press F (Instagram/College AU) Ch.6

Lucas swears he’s the absolute master of undetected stalking. Or: Eliott is instagram famous and Lucas is the disaster gay who accidentally likes his post.

He hasn’t heard from Eliott since Sunday.

The professor’s monotone drawling fades out to the background as Lucas flips between the apps on his phone-- a foolish attempt to keep himself from opening up the one he actually wants to check on.

Eliott hasn’t posted anything since the Saturday they were together.

He contemplates sending a message but he can’t think of a good conversation starter. Saying a simple hello is super lame. Eliott always starts their chats with a clever line. How does he come up with those, anyway? Lucas would really appreciate a little insight right now.

Lucas barely notices his classmates leaving the room and he scrambles to follow along, pocketing his phone so he’d stop staring at it already.

He’s only taken a couple of steps outside when a vaguely familiar boy with shaven head almost rams right into him.

“Shit, sorry!” Lucas steps aside at the last minute and the other boy’s arms do a hilarious windmill to keep balance. Neither of them end up on the floor so that’s awesome.

“Sorry!” The boy shouts back, looking at Lucas with wide eyes and a half formed grin. Lucas flinches, trying to hide the double take he almost does. This guy has the brightest green eyes a stark contrast to his dark skin and a bone structure that can cut glass. If he isn’t so ass over head infatuated with Eliott, his brain would probably register just how beautiful this person is. “Lucas?”

It takes a bit for him to realize that it’s weird how this person correctly guesses his name. “Uh, why?”

“Idris!” The boy -- Idris? Instagram Idris? -- says, enthusiasm evident in his voice. “I’m Idris, I mean. Eliott sent me.”

“Eliott... sent you?” Lucas keeps walking, not wanting to block the way to the classroom. Idris keeps up beside him. “But where is he?”

Idris hands him a cup of hot chocolate-- it’s the one Lucas gets once a month to reward himself for not keeling over in stress.

“He’s holed up in the library,” Idris says while Lucas’s still blinking down at the cup in his hands. “We have a project due very soon, me and him. We have to finish the storyboard.”

Okay, it’s been two days though. Lucas just hopes they’re getting enough rest. He’s seen a lot of the other film students walking from building to building like dried up zombies.

Idris keeps going before Lucas gets a word in. “His phone’s on airplane mode.” Lucas nods, watching Idris rub a hand over the top of his head. “Mine too, we do this thing. So we only focus on one thing at a time, you know.”

Lucas starts to smile as Idris looks at him, slightly wide-eyed. He has a feeling this guy’s been running on pure caffeine since the weekend. “Okay.”

“My point is, he’s not ignoring you.”

“I didn’t think so.”

“Good. God, I told him he’s overreacting.”

Lucas laughs, holding the hot chocolate to his chest. “He’s doing okay?”

“Yeah,” Idris scoffs, waving a dismissive hand. “He forgot to tell you about the whole project thing before, you know, shutting the world out so he’s been freaking out about it.”

“Why?”

“He thinks you’d forget about him.”

“What?” Lucas laughs louder. “That’s dumb.”

“Yeah, well.” Idris shrugs, his laughter coming out in choppy chuckles. “Anyway, I’ve gotta get back to work, nice to meet you!”

“You too.” Lucas takes a step backward, smiling to himself as he sips at the hot chocolate. From Eliott. How did Eliott know about his favourite campus drink? “Idris!” He calls out before the other boy is completely out of sight.

Idris turns, raising an eyebrow.

“Good luck with the project! And tell him me forgetting him is the last thing he has to worry about.” He says in a rush, half of him hoping Idris doesn’t hear him but the other half hoping the opposite as he doesn’t think he can repeat that without combusting.

Idris opens his mouth as if to say something but then he settles for a pout, both hands shooting up to clutch at his chest. “Fuck, you really are adorable.”

Lucas turns away and brisk walks towards the next building.

Yann drops down beside him in the middle of Lucas doing his homework. He can feel Yann staring at him, but, infuriating best friend that he is, Yann doesn’t say anything as he does it.

“What?” Lucas breaks the silence, putting his pen down.

“What?” Yann returns, opting for the most innocent of tones. It doesn’t work.

“Spill it.”

“Nothing, man.” Yann looks down at the phone sitting innocently between them. “Just, you know, wondering if I should round up the guys to properly meet Eliott.”

That gets Lucas’ attention. “Why?”

Yann’s left eye twitches the slightest bit. “You can’t tell me there’s nothing between you two.”

“Well, there’s a thing.” Lucas shuts his textbook, losing any sort of motivation he had going earlier. “But there’s no thing.”

“Uh, okay?”

“He’s not my man or anything.”

“Why not?” Yann asks, incredulous like it’s easy. Or maybe for him it really is that easy.

“I don’t know, we haven’t really talked about it?”

He opens up instagram to a new private message, eyes narrowing when he sees the username.

emir.yous hey

lucallemant hi

emir.yous I heard you’re good at chem??

lucallemant I guess

emir.yous can you help me with somethin I think my brain’s melting

lucallemant ok, imane’s better than me though you can ask Abe to ask her?

emir.yous no she’ll think I'm stupid

lucallemant lol

“Lucas, his friends are messaging you.” Yann deadpans, obviously having read the conversation over Lucas’ shoulder because fuck manners apparently. “I think that’s a good indication of where he wants it to go.”

“I don’t-- I don’t know, Yann. What if-- I don’t know him that well.”

“Yet.”

“But what if I... I don’t wanna get too attached and then for it to blow up in my face.” Lucas fidgets with his pen, twirling it restlessly between all fingers until Yann stills him with a gentle touch.

“Lucas, not everyone will be like that.”

“How do you know?”

“You’ve got to give people a chance to prove you wrong.”

“No one’s done it yet.”

His phone pings again, but this time it’s from a different person. Yann looks down at it and Lucas can see the hint of a smile fighting to lift his expression. “I don’t think you’re the one who needs to worry about getting attached.”

abebkhellal what are those chocolates you gave him? he won’t even let me take a bite

lucallemant I can get you some if you want

abebkhellal bro I’d love that but I also love my life and eliott will probably murder me in cold blood if you gave me the same chocolates you gave him

lucallemant lol I'm sorry

abebkhellal just show me where you get them I’ll buy some myself

lucallemant okay sure

Yann’s smiling when Lucas looks back up at him. “He talks about you with his friends.”

“I’m pretty sure they’re just cornering me into meeting them.” Lucas chuckles, sliding his phone inside his hoodie pockets. “And I talk about him with you guys too, it’s no big deal.”

“Are you kidding me? You never talked about Ra--”

“Anyway, what are we doing? Is this a slumber party now?”

Yann rolls his eyes. “Shut up.”

“Are we exchanging our deepest, darkest secrets?”

“That’s not how it goes.”

“Oh, so you’re the master of slumber parties now?”

“Yeah,” Yann shuffles lazily towards the backpack he’d thrown on the ground earlier. “Only slumber party invitees get to play this.” He pulls out the new game he’s just bought while skipping class in the morning, waving it around with a flourish as Lucas gapes up at it.

“No way, that’s so expensive.”

“Yeah, I saved up.”

“Nerd.”

“Then don’t play it.”

“No, let me!”

“Slumber party people only!”

“There are two of us, I’m the one making this a party!”

“No, you’re not even wearing pyjamas!”

Lucas sleepily watches the television screen, fingers barely moving over the controls as he lets the final boss crush his character for the nth time. Beside him, Yann’s already passed out on the couch.

He stretches out with a groan as quiet as he can manage, reaching over Yann to grab the remote and shut the screen off. He’s about to head to bed when his hands smack against the phone still in his pockets, and his fingers automatically open up instagram before his brain even registers the movement.

srodulv you’re welcome

Lucas smiles, not exactly hating the flutter in his stomach at seeing Eliott back in his messages.

lucallemant no longer on the plane?

srodulv haha I've landed

lucallemant welcome back how did the assignment go?

srodulv it was okay

lucallemant okay that’s good

srodulv can I see you again?

lucallemant I mean, it’s a bit late

srodulv what are you talking about? 03h is the best time to go out and live our lives

lucallemant lol stop that

srodulv careful, you might hurt my feelings again

lucallemant so?

srodulv so you’re running out of ways to apologize :)

lucallemant lol

srodulv are you free on Thursday?

lucallemant what’s with you and Thursdays?

srodulv favourite day of the week

lucallemant lol weirdo

srodulv :) so?

lucallemant okay

srodulv okay, I'll wait for you outside your class

lucallemant how do you know where that is?

srodulv :)

lucallemant stalker

srodulv says the original stalker

lucallemant lol go to sleep eliott

srodulv good night ❤️

Lucas lays awake for a while after, tracking the cracks in the ceiling as his mind replays Yann’s words. You have to give people a chance to prove you wrong. He’s tried so many times, and every failure does nothing but strengthen the walls he’s trying so hard to scratch past.

But maybe.

Maybe this time.

Maybe.

lucallemant good night ❤️

Maybe Eliott deserves that chance.

#skam france #elu #elu insta au #lol im a minute late stop @ing me #fictag

832 notes · View notes

daggerzine · 4 years

Text

You Gotta Lose? Hell, Some Of Us Ain’t Dead Yet by Mary Leary

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0fz3FVBlOE

NRBQ has done so many amazing songs. I never thought much about “Roll Call,” from Tiddlywinks - for one thing, it has a lighter, almost Billy Joel sound that’s more about latter day Terry Adams style than what I think of as the classic Q. Yet just as Adams’ work has grown on me, this track has made its way into my consciousness. The lyrics speak to me more in 2020 than they did when Tiddlywinks was released in 1980, before the D.C.-area music scene had lost Robert Goldstein (Urban Verbs), Kevin MacDonald (brilliant visual artist and scene stalwart who helped me design and layout [The] Infiltrator), Danny Gatton disciple/guitar maverick Evan Johns, bassist Michael Maye from the original H-Bombs, Rick Dreyfuss (Half Japanese/Chumps/Shakemore), Libby Hatch and Michael Mariotte (Tru Fax and the Insaniacs), Sally Be/Berg - REM/Egoslavia/SHE/Robert Palmer), Nurses member Marc Halpern (heroin, 1982), Lorenzo (Pee- Wee) Jones (Tiny Desk Unit) and hybrid rocker Jim Altman (HIV, 1990s). Goldstein, Dreyfuss, Maye and MacDonald succumbed to cancer, while Evan Johns’ deterioration followed years of touring, hard drinking and pushing himself past the limit.

(Top to bottom: Tommy Keene, Kevin MacDonald, Susan Mumford)

Those named above have been joined by Tommy Keene (the Rage/the Razz/solo/Paul Westerberg/Matthew Sweet - cardiac arrest at the age of 59; 2017), TDU’s Susan Mumford (cancer, 2018), David Byers (Psychotics/H.R./Bad Brains), and Skip Groff (Yesterday and Today/ Limp Records/Dischord - seizure, 2019). This is just an imperfect/incomplete naming of D.C.-area losses - I’m sure journalists from other cities could make lists. A horde of New Wave and early alternative musicians have died within the past few years. Whether through the stress of hard living/poverty, substance abuse, cancer or Covid-19, we’re seeing artists pass much earlier than I, anyway, expected them to.

(Top to bottom: Fred "Freak” Smith, Michael Maye with Evan Johns, Tru Fax and the Insaniacs)

We’re already past the loss of all the original Ramones. All the Cramps less Poison Ivy. Joe Strummer. Robert Quine. Hilly Kristal. Lou Reed. As of July, 2020, since 2018 we’ve also lost Andy Gill, Ivan Kral, Genesis P-Orridge, Adam Schlesinger, Danny Mihm, Ric Ocasek, Daniel Johnston, Kim Shattuck, Lorna Doom, Mark Hollis, Keith Flint, Ranking Roger, Mark E. Smith, Glenn Branca, Randy Rampage, Hardy Fox, Pete Shelley, Matthew Seligman, Bill Rieflin, Dave Greenfield, Florian Schneider, Ian Dury, Benjamin Orr, Kirsty McColl and David Roback.

(Top to bottom: Sally Be/Berg, Ranking Roger, Danny Mihm)

Talking about the deaths of talented, gifted creatives is a helluva way to start a column. But here we are. Older performers don’t always get the attention afforded newer, so the rest of this piece shares and celebrates artists from the original New Wave/punk scenes who are still around and active. Many are from the D.C.-area cornucopia I know best, while others have just come to my attention, or seem especially noteworthy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MED9_XK_JVQ

The Zeros’ Javier Escovedo has been steadily emitting tasty Americana-ish rock while occasionally dropping some Zeros sturm-’n’-drang - most recently with Munster Records single “In The Spotlight” and a track on Burger Records’ Quarantunes compilation. Quarantunes is a seven-album affair featuring 140 alternative/punk performers old and new, all of whom wrote songs between March-April 2020. A cursory listen to Volume 2 reveals the recorded version of a good night at a very wild bar, with Zeros still handily kicking ass of all ages.

https://velvetmonkeys.bandcamp.com/album/legacy-of-success?fbclid=IwAR0lJyS0YDE4e3o7LJiITEtw1lhBWMkUX47Vuag1Lf9fs2QozJJKD1lwkes

Velvet Monkeys/B.A.L.L. player and Sonic Youth/Teenage Fanclub producer Don Fleming reports, “We’ve put out new tracks ‘Theories of Rummanetics’ and ‘Legacy of Success.’ Jay has written a few ‘modules’ and Malcolm and I are having fun doing the music,” adding, “I play some electric six string on the new Rob Moss album - it’s fun to be on, with lots of guitar slingers from the DC daze.”

Yup, Rob Moss of Skin-Tight Skin has solicited contributions from Fleming and from Marshall Keith (Slickee Boys), along with a pile of talent including Stuart Casson (Psychotics/Dove/Meatmen), Franz Stahl (Foo Fighters/Scream), Billy Loosigian (Nervous Eaters, the Boom-Boom Band), Nels Cline (Wilco) and Saul Koll (the guy who made guitars for Henry Kaiser and Lee Ranaldo). The set is called We’ve Come Back To Rock ‘n’ Roll.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdIB8a_0Q4c

Chumps/Workdogs/Jam Messengers player Rob Kennedy apparently has too much energy to throw in the towel - he’s kept recording, performing and making various sorts of lo-fi, DIY mischief that never loses that fresh, ‘70s feeling. Jam Messengers released Night And Day on vinyl in 2017. One of my fave Kennedy tracks, “A Low Down Dirty Shame” speaks to this moment as well as any.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-CRBEGVLE4

Former Tiny Desk Unit/Fuji’s Navy/Rhoda & the Bad Seeds members Bob Boilen, Kevin Lay, Michael Barron and Bob Harvey have released a new Danger Painters joint, Thank Speak Love This Record. Lay joked, “I have a voice made for Morse Code” before revealing his recent work with Rhoda and the Bad Seeds material, released June 30 as Live at Nightclub 9:30. Boilen continues to introduce artists both vital and obscure via Tiny Desk Concerts and All Songs Considered/NPR.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejQ1GajwfB0

I’ve seen David Arnson play recently and can attest to his proclivity for unfettered growth via Insect Surfers, the instrumental group that originally had some trouble establishing cred. with younger D.C. punks. The Surfers’ most recent release was Living Fossils (2019). Arnson celebrated the band’s 40 years of existence with a European tour in 2019.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SkIuWIZVkM

Jad Fair says, “Half Japanese will have a new album released in November on Fire Records.” Jad’s art was recently featured at the Hiromart Gallery/Tokyo, while David has created a Facebook page where fans can pick up his colorful images for, well, mere bags o’ shells, as far as we can see - https://www.facebook.com/David-Fair-Painting-107055447700859/

Despite health issues for several members, Bad Brains has collaborated with Element to make BB themed skate wear https://www.elementbrand.com/mens-collection-bad-brains/ and added some killer live tracks to its YouTube channel.

Former WGTB programmers John Paige and Steve Lorber have been presenting Rock Continuum on WOWD-LP FM 94.3 since 2017.

Mike Stax continues to give excellent motivation for hunting down a pair of Beatle boots - Munster released the Loons’ 7” EP, A Dream In Jade Green, last year. The latest issue of Ugly Things, said by Stax to be heavily focused on the Pretty Things’ Phil May, was reported in early July to be nearing publication.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6jSc7gEAv0

Razz (the) Documentary will tell the story of how an uncommonly combustible rock band - especially with the Bill Craig/Abaad Behram line-up - helped spread the Flamin’ Groovies gospel while throwing down oddly compelling originals and taking the two-guitar thing up several notches - the producers are purportedly seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Whether anyone can ever recreate the experience of being in an altered state via obsessive, sometimes conversational repetition of certain chords, anchored by Ted Nicely rethinking just what can be done with a bass guitar, given girth by Doug Tull’s intuitive drumming; with Mike Reidy the heat-seeking missile somewhere near the center... well, I doubt it. ‘Cause at this point you’re feeling no pain and it’s not about drinking; there is no room for anything but water - the beer will be knocked over when you’re this busy matching David Arnson’s other-side-of-the-front-line’s leaps into joydum while PCP’d out yahoos from the sticks learn the hard way that hugging Marshall amps can lead to lifelong repercussions. There (in case nothing I want to say about [the] Razz makes it into the film) - I’ve said it.

Discussions among old friends have confirmed that I’m not alone in being happily surprised at this development - we never expected our actions - which led to the hardcore explosion that’s received a lot more attention... would ever make it into any history book. Yet coverage of many of the D.C.-area musicians featured in this piece also comes with Punk The Capitol, A History of D.C. Punk and Hardcore, 1976-1983. Spring 2021 is the projected date for streaming/DVD release.

Ivan Julian came back from a scary 2015 bout with cancer to do a show in New York in 2016. The cancer has returned. Friends have organized a GoFundMe to raise money for surgery and basic needs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDB_3by-xkI

The Shakemore fest also refuses to fade, promising “eight hours of streaming steaming video” on August 1. Sounds will be provided by R. Stevie Moore, Velvet Monkeys, Tav Falco’s Panther Burns, Half Japanese, Johnny Spampinato, Weird Paul and the Chumps, among many, many others.

Despite having played at CBGB and other alternative venues in 1979, at the height of the New Wave, Gary Wilson’s work is so distinctive, he’s rarely been included with any musical genre other than the oft-vague “experimental” category. Folks were too unmoored by his visceral performances to get behind him. Wilson’s 14th album, Tormented, was released by Cleopatra in February.

Paul Collins recently published a book that he wrote with Chuck Nolan; I Don’t Fit In: My Wild Ride Through the Punk and Power Pop Trenches with the Nerves and the Beat (Hozac Books).

As “Heath,” Michael Layne Heath, a journalist who contributed to (the) Infiltrator and many other ‘zines, published My Week Beats Your Year: Encounters with Lou Reed in May (Hat & Beard Press).

In April, X released its first album in 35 years; Alphabetland.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZ1I-laItPI

As exciting for me as any of the above is Richard Hell with the Heartbreakers’ 2019 release of Yonkers Demo 1976. Hell’s “You Gotta Lose” is one of my picks for best punk/new wave singles of all time. The Heartbreakers version is, predictably, messier than the Robert Quine guitar-spiked classic. Its more excessive charms are growing on me...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48QnsysCN_A

This piece could go on and on - compiling it has been exhausting. The best part has been the response to my social media call for any info I didn’t have re: the D.C.-centric scene I left for New York in 1983. Musicians anxious to keep their compadres’ names alive have hammered that post with 138 comments to date. Urban Verbs percussionist Danny Frankel, who’s played with a colorful spread of artists including Beck, Marianne Faithful, Lou Reed, John Cale and k.d. Lang, made a point of being sure I knew about the passing of Marc Halpern, a source of obvious pain. People were worried I wouldn’t mention John Stabb (Government Issue - 2016), rockabilly player Billy Hancock (2018), Fred “Freak” Smith (Strange Boutique/Beefeater - murdered in Los Angeles, 2017), John Hansen (Slickee Boys - 2010), record store owner/Wasp Records starter/music supporter Bill Asp, Jimmy Barnett of The Killer Bees, and David Byers.

One of the hardest for me to write about is Chris Morse, whose 1984 passing from a drug overdose wrenched so many - I managed to get an obituary into, I think, The New York Rocker (that physical trek was part of a long-ago blur; a very hot day of traipsing over steaming concrete in a narrow-skirted dress to deliver the copy). Chris popped up in my dreams for years - one “visitation” pushed me to write a poem about it in the ‘90s. Morse, who played in Rhoda & The Bad Seeds and worked as a doorman at The Pyramid after moving to NYC in the early ‘80s, was on one of the Urban Verbs’ early flyers. I’m on another.

(Top to bottom: Me in an early Verbs flyer/photo shot at the Atlantis; Chris Morse on another Verbs flyer)

I ended up getting so burnt out on the responsibility of populating this sad roll call, I’ve started a memorial page for them all on Facebook. The nature of truly alternative music is such that many of its lights still fail to fill the pages of major publications. Many of these lights gave a great deal of their lives, if not everything, for the art they believed in. It’s good to remember them, and those heady early days. It’s good to enjoy what we still can.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cA3IfK76mmI

2 notes · View notes

ilovereadingandilovebreathing · 5 years

Note

Sorry to ask lol but could you do a teacher AU where the students find Roman or Virgil on Tumblr and just freak out

Lol you’re good; I haven’t done teacher stuff in a while. This is a very real fear, soo...this’ll be fun.

I’m not sure if you want the kids or teachers to freak out, but trust me, there’d be way more freaking on the teachers’ end of things.

I went back and forth on this because on one hand Virgil might be too paranoid to have a tumblr as a teacher but on the other hand if he had it in high school....Roman doesn’t have time for tumblr these days, tbh, but I’ll include him since you asked for him specifically!

Idk if this is as freak out as you wanted; I’m boring and went for realism so sorry if it’s not up to standard lol

That Tuesday started out like any other:

His Tuesday/Thursday homeroom kids were as chatty and apathetic to announcements as ever.

His first two classes of Honors American Lit. kids were as attentive as always, offering brilliant and insightful connections between themselves, society, and The Crucible.

By all accounts, it was a normal Tuesday.

Until his Mythology students came trailing back from lunch, some of them barely hiding giggles and elongated stares from their desks.

“Alright.” Virgil began teasingly as the final bell rang. “Do I have something on my face? My shirt?” He threw a glance behind his back. “Did Randy tape something to my back again?”

Half of the small class exploded into laughter, but the other half gazed between their teacher and peers wondering what great joke they’d missed out on.

“It’s nothing, Mr. Anderson.” An outspoken and bright student named Cam spoke up. “Kya just made an interesting discovery last night and shared it with the whole lunch table.”

“I’m sure I don’t even want to know.” Virgil grinned and rolled his eyes as he passed out their class set mythology texts to each of his 15 students.

“Today we’ll be tackling a classic story: Baucis and Philemon. It includes love, hospitality, and a couple of God’s playing make believe.”

A choral snicker ran through a certain side of the room again, but Virgil fixed them with a look and pulled up an interactive PowerPoint.

The rest of the lesson went off without a hitch, and the students seemed eager to jump into their assigned tasks to teach the class (finding allusions to Jupiter’s and Mercury’s roles or Baucis and Philemon’s roles in movies, books, or TV shows.)

Partway through work time, though, Cam sauntered up to Virgil’s desk and perched there for a minute before cupping a hand over his mouth with a conspiratorial glint in his eye.

“So, Mr. Anderson, I have a question.”

“Sure, Cam; what’s up?”

“Well, I’m wondering: is ‘student A’ in ‘A Crazy Halloween Story’ referring to Jessica Simmons or Kaley Aldrin? Because both have you for honors and dressed up as Harley Quinn for Halloween.”

Virgil’s brain stuttered to a halt, and he took all of his energy to school his expression, making certain his eyes didn’t give away the screaming anxiety erupting within his chest. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Cam.” Virgil cocked his head to the side in an effort to lighten the tension only one of them felt. “What do Jessica or Kaley and Halloween have to do with Baucis and Philemon?”

“Oh, right. You gotta play it cool. Can’t let the kids know about your social media. I gotchu.” Cam nudged Virgil with an elbow and a stage wink. “Secret’s safe with me, Anxious Orpheo-I mean, Mr. A.” Cam pushed off of the side of his desk and went back to his group, the other members having abandoned their work to stared wide-eyed and open-mouthed at Cam’s boldness.

“I told you-”

“Holy crap-”

“You’re full of it, Cam; he never confirmed it.”

“You heard me, Emily! He can’t!”

Virgil inhaled and exhaled deeply, hands gripping and releasing under his desk as he fought to keep the fear from his features. Thank god he had planning after this.

When the bell rang some time later, Virgil let out a huge sigh, smiling at his last student, Kya, as she meandered toward the door, paused, and rushed over to his desk.

“Mr. Anderson. I’m so sorry I told everyone about your Tumblr. I mean....everyone in this class. Well, really on that side of the class, but anyway, I haven’t told anyone else I swear! And I didn’t even mean for Cam or Emily or anyone else to find out; I was just showing your posts to Liam at lunch, but Cam was being nosy and overheard. I’m so so sorry, and I’ll try to make sure he doesn’t tell anyone so you don’t get in trouble! Oh my god I’m just so sorry.” Kya took a deep break, and Virgil let his guard fall just a hair, his eyes turning down at the sides.

“It’s alright, Kya. Students have spread far worse rumors about teachers before. Me having a Tumble isn’t the worst thing someone can say.”

“Tumblr.” Kya corrected.

“Right.” Virgil smiled. “I appreciate your apology, Kya, but don’t worry about it too much, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks, Mr. Anderson, and I really am sorry.”

“I know. Now go on before you’re late.”

“Oh, yeah, right. Bye!” Kya waved and sped out the door.

As soon as she was definitively gone, Virgil slumped into his chair, eyes staring dejectedly at his dark computer screen before sighing and running a hand through his hair. Well, this was certainly not how he expected things to go today.

“Oh, Virge, you’re in here!”

Virgil’s head shot up to see Roman peeking around his doorway.

“Yes, it’s shocking to find me in my own classroom.”

“Well usually Ortega is in here during planning.”

“They’re in the computer lab working on a paper.”

“Oh, nice...Anyway, your copies have been sitting in the work room since this morning.” Roman strutted into the room revealing the large stack of copies against his hip.

“Thanks, But...Roman....you’re not on planning right now.”

“As per usual, you are correct, my dear darkling, but you also know that those kids are pretty self-sufficient. Plus Remy is staying all day today since our first show is tonight.”

“They might as well not have a teacher at all.”

“Take that back! Remy is a great co-teacher!”

“When he’s working. He’s not even on the clock now. He’s probably on his phone.”

“Fair point, but you’re not Logan, so why are you pointing all of this out?” Roman set his stack on a nearby desk and pulled up another, sitting on the hardtop as he looked Virgil up and down. “What’s up? You’re tense.”

Virgil sighed. “Shut the door first?”

Roman scurried to the classroom door and made a show of closing it quietly. “Ooo something juicy?”

“Kind of. Not really. More horrifying and embarrassing.”

“Oh joy which was it this time?” Roman asked dramatically as he perched back on the desk, his feet in the chair and hands steepled over his knees.

“....one of my mythology kids found my tumblr and accidentally told half of the class about it.”

“1) That sucks. 2) How do you ‘accidentally’ tell 8 people about something?”

“Another kid was being nosy.”

“Unnamed kid you tell me about?”

“One of them.”

“Ah.” Roman considered for a moment. “I mean there are worse things.”

“I know. That’s what I said too when the bean spiller apologized, but...I’ve had that thing since I was their age, Roman, who knows what kind of shit they can dig up! I can’t remember half of the emotionally charged stuff I posted on there, and I know there’s posts about my sexuality on there, too.” Virgil froze. “Oh god, what if they find my old fan fiction?!”

Roman couldn’t contain a small chuckle at that. “Then they’ll know you’re a legit writer.”

“Ro, this is serious.” Virgil folded his legs into his chair and leaned back, sighing again and staring at the speckled ceiling. “What if they find something...objectionable and tell their parents? And the parents tell the principal? What if I get fired?!”

“Did you post anything that bad?”

“Probably not....but I did post stories about stuff that happened in class.”

“Oooo...yeah that can be tricky territory. Did you get super specific?”

“In the story part, I guess.”

“Did you drop names, kids or the school or anything someone could use to identify?”

“No.”

Roman sighed. “Well, I mean what can you do, you know? You didn’t explicitly give names or the school or any concrete identifying information, right?”

“Right, but all they’d have to do is look at my phone.”

“What reason do they have unless the kids complain about it? You can always put a lock or something on it, right? There are private accounts.”

“I don’t know if I can at this point, but I guess I can try. Don’t know how much good it will do when I already have a few hundred followers.”

“Just 300?”

“Almost 1000.”

“Ooo yeah that is a little more significant. Geez tumblr has millions of followers, and somehow they stumbled on you.”

“Yeah. It sucks.”

“I mean....the initial kid apologized, right?”

“Yeah. She claims she won’t spread it anymore and will keep blabbermouth kid quiet, but we’ll see.”

“Don’t stress about it too much. They seem like good kids, so I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“God, I hope so.”

“Well, it’s probably about time I get back to my little rugrats. You’re coming to our show, yeah?”

“If I don’t self-combust first.” Virgil pulled out a small smile. “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Great!” Roman vaulted off of the desk, grabbed his stack of papers, and made for the door. He paused for a moment in the doorway and turned, his expression softer than Virgil ever remembers seeing. “It’s gonna be okay, Virge. Don’t let it get you too worked up, okay?”

“I’ll try. Thanks, Ro.” Virgil waved him off and sighed before sitting back up to try to get something done.

“Uh, Mr. Anderson?”

Virgil’s jaw clenched involuntarily at the familiar tone, and he looked up to find a familiar blonde in the doorway. “Cam. I thought you had chemistry this period.”

“I do, but I finished my lab already, so Mr. Harris let me ‘go to the bathroom.’” He accentuated with air quotes. “Um but I really came here to apologize.”

“What for?”

“Kya kinda ripped me a new one during chemistry. She has this really scary way of being really angry and really quiet at the same time. It’s freaky.” Cam made a show of shivering violently. “But yeah she chewed me out during lab because of what I did during class, so....I just wanted to say I’m sorry if I freaked you out. I promise I won’t tell anybody. It was just kinda crazy to hear that our favorite teacher is like us, you know?”

Virgil forced up a smile. “We are human, as crazy as it sounds.”

“So....is it you? Wait, I probably shouldn’t ask that, so there’s no evidence or whatever....I’m just gonna assume. Scientific method.”

“Apology accepted. Go back to chemistry before he sends someone after you.”

“He won’t, but I’ll do it just for you, Mr. A. See you tomorrow!”

“Bye, buddy.” Virgil calls as the kid disappears. He pulls out his phone and sends Roman a quick message.

[Virge]: Blabbermouth just came and apologized. Promised not to blabber. I don’t know if I trust it, but I guess it helps.

[Ro]: wow

Nice

It’ll be okay

And if it’s not I’ve got your back, okay? Don’t stress.

[Virge]: Thank you, Roman.

Virgil sighed for the last time and put his cellphone away. He picked up his favorite dark purple grading pen and pulled out the American Lit. kids’ written responses, gearing himself up to grade by playing his Grading Playlist from Spotify on his personal laptop.

Everything will be okay.

Again, sorry if it’s not as crazy as you wanted or is really too neat, but a lot of students I interact with as was around as a student were chill, so. Yeah.

#asks #replies #teacherau #literally such a scary thought lol #i think about this a lot and consider deleting my blogs like daily #tss #mine #tsfanfics #virge #roro

24 notes · View notes

vanaera · 6 years

Text

Unread Messages

15. Things you said with too many miles between us (online friend!namjoon + idol!you)

Summary | In which Namjoon has beaten stress, pressure, and also time differences with you by his side but he has yet to beat to know that whom he's talking to through the screen of his phone is the same person he fawns on TV screens along with millions of other people.

Genre | Fluff + Super slight angst

Wordcount | 3, 193

Sequel : Missed Calls

Light suddenly illuminates the pitch black room and it shines against every curve and ridge of Namjoon's face, pricking his eyes to open as he blindly reaches for his glasses.

Once finding his bedroom clear through the lenses, he grabs his phone which alerted him of a new notification.

1 New Message!

SunnyY/N 1:32 AM

Hi! I just finished watching Predestination and holy shit how dare you rec me something so mindfucking??!!

Namjoon types lethargically with a smile hanging on his lips.

MonJoon 1:33 AM

Glad you found the movie compelling though it's 1:33 AM here in the fucking morning, I've got AP exams later, and you woke me up just to say that?

SunnyY/N 1:33 AM

I'm sorry oh my gosh I thought you were awake! God, I didn't think of the time difference! Okay okay, go to sleep now.

MonJoon 1:33 AM

It's alright, I’m having trouble sleeping lately anyway. Where are you currently?

SunnyY/N 1:33 AM

I'm in Italy now though I haven't find anytime yet to travel around :((( Anyhow, go to sleep now! You need that sleep to defeat those tests later!

Namjoon raises his brow. It must be nice to travel around different parts of the world because of your parent's work. The constant jetlags may be troublesome but he'd rather have that than take on a pile of homeworks and exams he doesn't even need for his major.

MonJoon 1:34 AM

Okay, stay safe there. Good nytie night!

SunnyY/N 1:35 AM

Nyt Nyt!!! :DDD

Around six o'clock, Namjoon wakes up to the blaring noise of his alarm clock and another notification.

SunnyY/N 6:01 AM

I hope you have a nice day and good luck on your exams! Fighting!!!! 🙆🙆🙆 ( P.S. : I computed the time difference, credits to Mr. Google and I figured you'll be awake now :)))) )

A grin spreads on Namjoon's face as he ruffles his bed hair and heads to his bathroom. He's got enough of good luck now to tackle on anything that will get on his nerves.

The day passes and so do his three exams with Namjoon fortunately being still alive. He feels he should ask you to wish him luck everyday because God knows how his luck hasn't worn off yet today. And just like every hard work he gets done, he thinks his reward just came with a "ding!" and a Twitter update.

Y/N Official™ 7:20 PM

Y/N models new collection of Flyday "Missantrophies"!

Namjoon has never tapped so fast in his life only to see pure beauty before him. Y/N wore frilly dresses painted with classical paintings his art major friend, Jeongguk, studies that made her look like an artwork instead while she daintily posed around some museum in Rome he knows he'll never have a chance to go to anytime soon. The pictures were breathtaking but what made his heart almost combust was the behind the scene shoots with her barely there make-up and a bright grin on her tired form as she hugs a huge teddy bear by her side.

Too cute, too cute, too cute, gosh Namjoon wants to know how to become that teddybear now.

Namjoon taps on the Send Me icon and immediately taps the image with your username.

MonJoon 7:20 PM

HAVE YOU SEEN THE RECENT FLYDAY PHOTOSHOOT???!!! Y/N LITERALLY LOOKS LIKE ART

- see 10 photos

SunnyY/N 7:21 AM

Yes hoe, but look at this babe

-see 1 photo

Namjoon opens the pic to see Y/N lazily looking at her self-camera with tired eyes and bare face that looks like the meme "I don't fucking care anymore". He laughs with his heart squeezing with affection. He's always a sucker for pictures of Y/N looking like everyday college students. But wait -

MonJoon 7:22 PM

She looks so cute!!!! Btw how did you get this pic???? I haven't seen it on her social media accounts yet. Tell me how??????

SunnyY/N 7:22 PM

I have my ways 😏😏😏 Let's just say I'm really resourceful :DDD

MonJoon 7:23 PM

Meanie

"You're chatting with your online girlfriend again?"

Namjoon raises his head to be met with his roommate (and friend, though he wants to regret such title sometimes) Seokjin's teasing smirk accompanied by a click of the door. He just came home and the first thing he does is suggest that out-of-nowhere-conclusion he kept bringing up. "Uhh yes, online girl-space-friend, not girlfriend," he corrects before he lets his fingers fly across the screen of his phone.

MonJoon 7:30 PM

How are things going around you by the way? Just finished this hellday and I wanna say I think I passed them but I think I'm gonna jinx myself so I'd rather not.

SunnyY/N 7:31 PM

You're not gonna jinx yourself! Just think positive! I know you're smart 😎😎😎 so of course you're gonna pass!!! I'm okay though I'm deadly tired. Been through another flight and now I'm in Sweden.

MonJoon 7:32 PM

So soon?! You're in Italy just like a few hours ago and you haven't traveled around yet!!!! You're missing opportunities, hoe!!

Namjoon thinks you're hella insane going from one country to another without even staying for a while to travel.

SunnyY/N 7:32 PM

I'm really sad too 😥😥😥 but can't blame my parents for deciding to go from one country to another. Oh I got drunk earlier and fortunately I didn't accidentally open another account in some social media platform. I've already got too many shits, don't need to let the whole world know I'm such an embarrassing person ahahahha

Namjoon chuckles and he could hear Seokjin yell "There you go again laughing like a lovesick fool. Stop denying she's so your online girlfriend!" over the kitchen but he didn't mind that at all when he remembers the first time he knew you was through the same odd antic you do when you're drunk.

It was two years ago around some November midnight when Aym a BaBe suddenly messaged him on Send Me with "I'm really sad, can i take up this space for a while?"

Namjoon was used to receiving shady or nonsense flirty messages from questionable usernames, not to say he automatically deletes messages from people he have never heard of at all. But that night was an exception since it was also the first time he saw someone's pain without even looking at their face.

Just like what you said, you then filled up the convo space with "I'm just really sad right now" and "I can't even let out my true feelings at all to the people around me," and lastly how you admired his courage for posting the only post that got over 100 notes in his entire Tumblr life defending female solo artist Y/N.

Y/N, the apple of Namjoon's eyes and his wife-to-be in his own dreamlamd started from scratch and slowly built her career in the music industry with her navy blue guitar and songs about broken glasses and misplaced loves. Namjoon thinks she could have already taken over the world with her now inactive small Youtube account Y/N sings with her original songs about sex, love, and drugs - things usually sung by men artists and topics that were avoided by females in fear of being silenced and judged by a misogynist world.

Though her fame only started with break up songs as she delved into TV and radio shows that prevented her from trying bold moves such as her compositions in her Youtube career, Y/N still writes and sings her heart out and Namjoon cheered for her continuous success.

Around one year later, her upbeat breakup single Go F*ck Yourself gained worldwide popularity that made her voice be known on all ears. That's why yesterday, when news broke out about Y/N's new album No More You was about the trifecta that killed every other female artists' career in such a traditional industry, all hell broke lose over the net.

A couple of "You're promoting bad things with your song," "You're trying too hard," and unnecessarily mean "You're so ugly, try getting a plastic surgery maybe you'll be more tolerable in every viewer's eyes," Namjoon just have to type down a massive text post about such cyber harassment and downright misogyny and inhumane comments against a person who wanted to convey the reality of other people now that her voice can be heard by all over the world.

You suddenly appeared then with a weird username in that one'o clock haze. Namjoon let you rant out your complaints on the convo space, read each message you sent without replying because not everyone needs advice, just someone who can listen to them. When Namjoon checks his inbox some day later, he found that you changed your username to SunnyY/N like every other fan who uses their idol's name on their username but there's something about yours that drove him to know you more. Maybe it's because he wouldn't associate 'sunny' to Y/N unless she's smiling so wide - he wasn't really sure. And just like that, he formed a stable communication with someone he calls "Sun" whose face he hasn't seen yet over a two year course of friendship that is still staying strong now.

MonJoon 7:35 PM

Good for you that you didn't start up another account. Why are you drunk anyway?

SunnyY/N 7:38 PM

Nothing, just sad. Not a big deal. It's 1 AM here btw, I gotta go. Nytie nyt!

Namjoon can sense you didn't want to talk about it so he sends his good nights too before going to the table for dinner. After getting his homeworks done, he counts time differences and sets another alarm aside from his morning call.

Around seven, you wake up with the hundredth notification on your phone but the latest one is what only mattered.

MonJoon 7:01 AM

Good morning! I hope you have a great day. Stay safe, hoe :)

In the middle of writing an essay about the fundamentals of quantum physics, Namjoon's My Only Friend ringtone makes the man jump on his seat, pen almost flying from his grasp. In his defense, Y/N's MOF is the best of her recent album, Friends & Foes, and it's made him feel so much anyway-

Namjoon swipes the green button. "What is it, Jimin?"

"Hey have you seen the announcement of Y/N's concert tour?" Jimin rattles, "Man, the ticket prices are up and I swear to God I have to sell at least one kidney to get the VIP seats and -"

Jimin's rambling turns into white noise as Namjoon hesitates. He's in the middle of doing tons of essays and shit, he's gonna get distracted again with Y/N's face. He already promised himself to tone down his “stanning” a little and just - fuck it. His hands are already pounding against his keyboard, the tab he opened for his references already in the back of his mind as he clicks the news of your new concert. When it comes to Y/N, he easily pushes away his priorities and God, it's just so stupid but still -

Y/N Official™ 10:50 PM

Y/N Sun + Moon Tour ticket prices are up! Concert dates in other countries will be further announced.

Namjoon scrolls down and sees listings of dates in California, New York, Los Angeles, yadah yadah, Italy, and Sweden - wait.

He mumbles a "Gonna get back to you Chim, I'm busy right now" through the phone, ends the call, and goes to Send Me to tap your icon.

1 Unread Message!

Oh right, he hasn't opened Send Me the past few days because he and Seokjin forgot to pay their net bills. Shocks, you must have been pissed off he hadn't replied you yet.

However, he didn't expect to read something aside from your memes or your whereabouts and concern for his.

SunnyY/N 1:20 AM

Hi Joon, I'm gonna be inactive for a while but I think i can send a few somethings whenever I can. Just send me anything you want, complain about school and friends, fanboy over Y/N or whatever, I'm gonna reply to that once I can. Hope you have a wonderful day! :DDD

MonJoon 11:00 PM

Hi Sun, sorry I only read your message now. Jin and i forgot to pay bills on time again so yeah. Btw, Y/N's gonna go there in Sweden on July 5 and I hope you can come there! Send me pics if you can! Stay safe hoe and enjoy travelling around!

Namjoon closes his phone as well as his previous tabs aside from his references and leans on his chair. When you've both started opening up to each other online, you mentioned that once a year you're gonna be hella busy with your folks to the point you barely have time for goofing around the net. It sounded weird but he didn't question you about it and typed "gotta detach yourself away from your phone somehow someday. I’m like that too when finals come hahahahha.", afraid he'll sound prying.

After two years of hanging around and being fond of you, he can't help but be constantly curious of what you're actually doing. You're born in the same year as him (though you're only two months older than him) and you've been travelling around the world with your parents while Namjoon's stuck in college with a Philosophy degree and hating every other subject that has nothing to do with making music. You're sick rich and you have your own studio at home (you showed him a pic) because technically you enjoy music too while he's almost dying with the constant tutoring sessions he have with other kids just so he can save up for his Mon Studio-to-be.

He wonders how he can connect with you so well when you've never had a common ground in your lives aside from liking music and also Y/N. What it would be like if you are a normal college student like him? Are you really small like you say? What will you probably major in? You'll pass out if you had the same schedule as him, Namjoon snorts. He'll probably be that friend who'll constantly check up on you, and you'll probably smile so wide, and maybe your eyes would turn into tiny curves like crescent moons. You haven't sent him a selca yet but he thinks you'll be pretty.

Namjoon sighs. He wants to meet you so badly.

September comes and Namjoon counted 23 small candles his friends stuck in the cake Seokjin made. His friends told him to make a wish first but he didn't really have anything that came to his mind. Yeah, maybe he wishes for everyone's health and happiness - he could do with that, and then he blows the candles along with the worries of the past year.

When the party died down and Yoongi and the rest of the squad bid them goodbyes, Namjoon finds himself slumped against his chair, tired of cleaning all the confetti from party poppers and the piñata Hoseok brought from god knows where.

He opens his phone and scrolls through his Twitter feed for any updates on Y/N's tour and just then a Send Me notif pops out and he smiles. He never managed to beat through coincidence to be online the same time as you do so he settled for unread messages and leaving messages for the past month as well as sending each other pictures of what you've been doing at the meantime. These kept a smile on his face but he knew right then it would never beat the grin he has now he's got to finally talk with you again.

SunnyY/N 1:01 AM

Happy Birthday, Joon! 😆😆😄

🍕🍕🍕🍟🍟🍟🍔🍔🍔🍲🍲🍲🎂🎂🎂🍰🍰🍰🍦🍦🍦🍫🍫🍫

Hope you ate a lot!

MonJoon 1:01 AM

Thanks! and yes i ate a lot! Seokjin's food is ever 👌👌👌 And oh my god, you're finally online! I miss my hoe!

SunnyY/N 1:02 AM

Yes, some things came up but i'm gonna be fine now. Hey, I'm coming back home in Korea this September and holy gosh Y/N will also hold her concert the same month here! Go come, I will be there and we can finally meet up!!! (I won't be free until after the 26th anyway and i want to meet you so bad now that we're gonna be in the same country!!!!)

Namjoon's heart thunders. You've never suggested a meet-up before since you told him six months ago you're not yet okay showing yourself to him when it happened that you stayed in Korea and he requested to meet you. However, the small pain in his heart whenever he has to type this cannot be drowned by its overwhelmingly rapid beating.

MonJoon 1:03 AM

Sadly I can't :(

SunnyY/N:1:03 AM

Hey why? I can buy you the VIP tickets if you're feeling a little burdened with the price. I just want to have my main hoe with me

MonJoon 1:03 AM

Thanks for the offer but my finals just have to be scheduled the same day as her concert and guhhh, I don't even want you to spend so much on me. But god, you don't know how happy you made me when you finally agreed to meet up; I just wanna hug you irl!!!! I'm so excited to finally see you, This must be the best birthday present anyone has gave me, hoe!

SunnyY/N 1:04 AM

But I can't wait that long, what if I say I want to meet you now?

What?

SunnyY/N is requesting for a video call. Accept? Decline?

Namjoon's brows furrow; you told him before you don't want video calls and now you're doing this? It's confusing but Namjoon clicks on Accept anyway because he doesn't have it in his heart to decline your requests.

The image of a room and a yellow-hoodied-figure fills his screen. Namjoon can see a bottle on the far corner of your room and before he can scold you for drinking your problems away, a very familiar voice fills his ears and makes him stuck frozen in his chair.

"I've been feeling sad lately and I tried to get off my phone for the past months but I can't do that now," you sniff, "It's your birthday, I have to greet you. And I know sober me won't do that so I got drunk just to have enough liquid courage to wish you a happy birthday and that I want to meet you."

Namjoon blinks his eyes twice, this must be a fucking dream - why is he seeing Y/N's bare face and hearing her voice live what - how could you be-

"By the way, I wrote MOF while thinking about you," you wipe the tears forming on your waterline, "I'm shit right now, but I don't care. I'm saying stuff I'll not remember so you have to remind me okay? I'm gonna end the call now. It's a stupid reason - I just wanna see you."

Before you tap the red button Namjoon could hear you mutter, "I didn't imagine you'll be this fucking handsome God, I should have fixed myself."

The screen goes back to the convo space with you now offline and Namjoon can't feel his heart.

What the fuck, you're Y/N?!

A/N | Hi anon! I combined your requests into #15. Hope you like it! Sorry for the long wait! BTW, Send Me is a social media platform I made up and so is the brand Flyday!

09.07.2018 : Update! This will become another drabble series of mine so expect more dynamics and shenanigans of fan!namjoon and idol!you :D

252 notes · View notes

bloodpacks-archive · 7 years

Text

Is Our Bond Ionic or Covalent?

Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: You and Peter hate your chemistry class, but studying together is fun

Warnings: None? Maybe one swear word, the impending doom of school coming tomorrow, fluff?? Lil bit of pining idk

Note: I only wrote this because my school starts tomorrow and I’m honestly gonna cry. Also this teacher is 100% a real teacher I had last year (he was the worst please help me) If i see him again this year I’m gonna scream

If there was one thing you knew, it was that you hated this class. It wasn’t that science was the worst thing in the world, or that you didn’t understand it. The reason you hated 10th Grade Advanced Placement Chemistry, with all your heart, is because the teacher was easily the most boring, over-explaining, put-you-to-sleep-while-explaining-reactions person that could have possibly existed. Luckily enough, your lab partner, Peter Parker, agreed. Throughout all of class you two would pass notes back and forth about just about anything. If flirting happened to be a common occurrence, neither of you pointed it out. Secretly though, you hoped Peter realized what he was doing as much as you did. A few of your favorite conversations are as follows:

When you had just gotten back from a family trip to Hawaii:

I’m so jet lagged and none of these notes are making sense. Why is he talking about physics?? Isn’t this chemistry??

I can text you my notes tonight and- oh my god why are they catapulting a monkey

Is that fake?? I can’t tell. Also I AM in the right class, aren't I? CHEMISTRY?

Oh god. Ok we’re back to reactions… nevermind… can someone tell him that we already know the formula for water

Not my job, you can raise your hand and deal with his lecture

Technically, we’ll both have to deal with his lecture and… oh my god is Izzy honestly asking ANOTHER question

Shhh Parker, calm. We’ll get through this. We just have half an hour to go

HALF AN HOUR?

When he walked in late to find you half asleep:

Hey y/n, really that bad without me?

Pretty sure I almost died of boredom, thank god you’re here. Where were you anyway??

Ortho appointment, gotta keep my perfect teeth looking perfect.

As Mr. Olson droned on about single-replacement and double-replacement reactions using a ballroom dancing analogy, you sat at the lab table alone. Peter was no where to be found, probably doing something with the Stark internship, and leaving you to die in this Godforsaken classroom. You sat on your stool, absentmindedly doodling when you heard the door to the classroom open.

“Mr. Parker! There you are! Care to explain why you’re late?” Olson said, stopping his ballroom dancing explanation mid-sentence.

“Sorry sir, Mr. Stark needed me,” Peter answered, slowly slipping his way through the classroom to get to his seat. Olson sighed before returning to his stupid analogy. If you were to say you weren’t concerned for Peter and is undying commitment to the Stark internship, you would be lying. It scared you half to death, you could see the bags under his eyes and were there bruises on his arms? It terrified you, you liked the guy. He was nice, funny, smart, he deserved to have an easy life. Stark industries, however, didn’t seem to agree and was determined to work him as hard as it could.

Stark keeping you away from class for the third day in a row? Peter, what’s going on?

It’s nothing, y/n. We still on for studying tonight?

As long as Mr. Stark doesn’t keep you away

Oh come on! That won’t happen I promise

Oh sure, Peter.

Peter gave you a sorry look for the last comment. He had missed at least three study nights in the past 2 weeks. So you were left to study for the tests the next day alone. The test tomorrow was in this class, and you were in desperate need of someone to study with. Once again, it wasn’t that you were bad at chemistry, it was simply that Olson loved to throw curveballs. And a whole lot of them. An obscure rocket that was mentioned once at the beginning of the unit? Yeah, you’re gonna need to know the name of it, when it launched and where. Due to these terrible questions, the highest grade in the class was held by Peter himself. A 94.32, barely an A. You stood close behind, 94.02, .03% away from an A-. To say you were stressed was an understatement. Besides, any alone time with Peter you could get, you were going to take.

When the time rolled around for Peter to come to your apartment, there was only quiet. You sighed and took out your notebooks, looking over notes upon notes and highlighting those that seemed important. You knew this would happen. The Stark internship was much more important than some girl he probably didn’t even like. You were midway through the unit when you heard a knock on your door. You raced your way down to the door with a smile plastered on your face and opened it to be met with loose curls and brown eyes. Your heart practically burst out of your chest at the sight.

“I am so sorry that I’m late, I took a wrong turn and was completely lost,” He said, shaking out his hair that was now wet.

“Is it raining out there? Come on, get in here. I’ll get you a blanket,” You grabbed his wrist and brought him into your bedroom, throwing and grey blanket over him as he got out his textbook and notebook. “I’m gonna go make us some popcorn, you want anything to drink?”

“Just water is fine, thank you so much, y/n. You’re the best person on this Earth I swear.” Your heart swelled with pride at the statement, but you covered it up with the sympathetic smile you gave him before leaving your room to make the popcorn and grab the waters for the both of you. You walked back in and set everything in front of the two of you, sitting down across from Peter.

“Ok, I think I’m good on most of this stuff, but is there anything we should know?” Peter asked, leaning forward to grab a handful of popcorn, brushing his hand against yours as your reached forward as well. You fought back the blush that attempted to make its way up your neck.

“Guessing from past experiences, everything. But in all actuality, you missed single and double replacement today, you can borrow my notes from that. There was also some stuff on combustion that you missed if you want to look at my past notes from that,” You pushed your notebook towards Peter while continuing to do the study guide that was online.

“Why don’t I just do the study guide with you, come over here,” He said, pulling your computer over to his side. You rolled your eyes and scooted over to where Peter was sitting, putting your laptop so it rested on his left leg and your right leg.

“If you don’t know anything, just tell me, alright?” Peter nodded before leaning into you to get a better look at the computer screen. You felt your skin heat up as you continued to scroll through the guide, each of you spewing out answers and Peter occasionally asking you what something was, which lead to you giving him a short explanation of it and an entirely too stupid trick in order to remember it (Combustion, bus, in a bus you feel like you’re running low on oxygen, it’s a reaction including oxygen!).

By the time you were nearing end of the study session, Peter was practically in your lap, and your arm was supporting the two of you by resting behind Peter. You hadn’t entirely realized how close you were until you looked over at Peter, “And of course you know about covalent and ionic-“ Your voice trailed off when you looked at him. Those stupid brown eyes were going to be the death of you. His hair was still a mess from the rain, one strand resting in front of his eyes.

“Lost for words, y/l/n?” Peter whispered, moving ever so closer to you.

“Just a little bit,” You teased, pushing the strand of hair out of his face before closing the gap between the two of you. The kiss was awkward, noses bumped into each other, whispered laughs were in between each breath and the angle wasn’t the best, but it was perfect. All too soon, you pulled away, “What about Liz?”

“Who?” Peter said, before pushing the laptop to the side so he could just hold you.

“It was about time you made a move, Parker,” You said, laughing and putting your head on his shoulder.

“I could say the same to you, y/n.” You laughed and kissed his cheek, seeing a blush creep up his neck.

“Ok ok, back to studying. Ionic and Covalent bonds, what’s the difference?” Peter laughed before returning his focus back to the computer, letting the space between the two of your continue to get smaller as time passed.

The next day, Peter passed you a note.

Date tonight at my place? I have a Spanish test…

You muffled a laugh with your hand before writing out a quick of course, might want to prepare for that test before i come over though, can’t promise we’ll do much studying… Star Wars Marathon instead?

Peter practically fell off of his stool in excitement and you laughed before seeing Mr. Olson turn around to give you a stern look. You mumbled an apology only to look over and see Peter smirking at you. Maybe 10th Grade Advanced Placement Chemistry wasn’t the worst class in the entire world after all.

#tom holland #Tom Holland x Reader #Tom Holland Imagine #Tom Holland Drabble #Tom Holland Blurb #Peter Parker #Peter Parker x Reader #Peter Parker Imagine #Peter Parker Blurb #Spider-Man #Spider-man homecoming

313 notes · View notes

wonkyuna-blog · 7 years

Text

Dependence

Genre: (MATURE) Angst, Fluff, Smut, M / W, M / M

Im Changkyun x Yoo Kihyun Summary: As the resident Oncologist, the throes of life and death are beginning to weigh on Changkyun. He turns to self prescribed medication to fight off the pain of loss and losing sight of yourself. One of the nurses has invited herself to become incredibly close with him under the guise of false hope and a helping hand. Will he lose himself within his own mind or learn how to move on with his life? And, what happened to Kihyun?

Word Count: 8.6k+

Warnings: Drug abuse, Death, Drug-induced Sex, Hallucinations /// Author’s Note /// I hope you enjoy the first installment to this series!

Warm and sweet, the spring wind rolled through the window and stirred the stagnant air within Changkyun’s apartment. Everything had its own specific place to him, so in consequence it hadn’t been cleaned in months. Clothes were strewn about, coffee stained mugs sat at the dining room table as if their owners would come to reclaim them at any moment, and several different cologne bottles both empty and occupied were hidden around the living room like Easter eggs. He grew impatient sitting restlessly on the couch tapping his foot on the floor while running slender fingers through his hair. The window was hardly ever opened, but he believed some fresh air may actually do him some good and relieve some of the energy pent up in the home as well. There were memories in his head forcing themselves together, almost clawing at his consciousness begging for his attention, as though they had decided to march to their own beat. It was agonizing, all Changkyun needed was something to help him haze them out. Quiet them, relieve them, kill them... something, anything but oblige them. He scanned the living room with means to distract himself but all he could make out was ghosts from his past. With every dust particle and fabric depression left just the way it was supposed to have been. Left that way on purpose to preserve the very memories he intended so deeply to skew. Footsteps could be heard as they trod down the hallway. Suddenly the buzzing thoughts had been momentarily silenced and replaced with anticipation. Changkyun leapt in a blur from where he was as soon as the bell sounded to open the front door for Wonho.

“On time as always, but each time is beginning to feel like an eternity now. Man, am I glad to see you.” Changkyun was eyeing Wonho as he pulled a small box from the bag he carried with him. “My head becomes its own overcrowded streetcar basically with how all these thoughts are buzzing.” He continued, coming up with excuses for himself while still following the box in his gaze.

“It’s going to be like that until you decide that you don’t need these anymore you know.” Wonho shot him a concerned look before setting the box down on the table next to the sofa. “Maybe you should think about weaning yourself off ‘em? You’re one of my best friends Changkyun. I know this may not have been the best route and I know it helps your brain settle down, but you can’t keep on it forever. Eventually you're gonna have to go through the process of accepta-” Changkyun slipped him the money then gave Wonho a lingering hug; almost in a fifty/fifty bid to get him to stop talking and to deliver a sincere thank-you together in one motion.

“If I’m ever in serious trouble I know you’ll come to my rescue. Thank you.” Changkyun gave a sad smile and motioned towards the door. “I’m going to be late for work if I don’t hurry, I’m sorry. I’ll talk to you later.”

“I gotta head off myself anyway, I don't wanna miss work myself. See ya man.” Wonho walked off with a reluctant expression glued to his face. Changkyun locked the door behind him and made a beeline for the box Wonho had left for him. He knew what this was doing to him, but it was the only thing that made the high-speed thought traffic in his mind ease off. An escape attempt, sure, but he’d come clean soon he promised himself continuously. Upon opening it Changkyun exuded a relieved sigh, grabbed the container of Ketamine pills inside and swallowed one of them. They usually didn’t come in pill form, but Wonho had put the powder inside empty placebo pills to eliminate the anxiety of needles. As a doctor, Changkyun had no issues administering medicine to his patients with needles, but he couldn’t stand thinking about using them on himself. I’m going to repay him somehow… he’s all I have left, Changkyun thought to himself. He grabbed his keys and everything he needed for the day before heading down to the parking lot and into his car.

The pills had started to kick in shortly before he arrived at the Gocheok Hospital where he worked, and started a hallucination after parking. He gave a breathy sigh, trying to stabilize himself, and looked around as the interior of the car began to bubble and twist to resemble his apartment home again. There was a bright light shining in through the open window that illuminated the entire area. It was much cleaner than before, and the sun coming through the drawn curtains invited a feeling of lazy comfort. Changkyun shifted on the couch and took a deep breath to try and remind himself that he was revisiting a memory, not reality; but the air rolled in and brought a sharp tang of a lemon and grapefruit fragrance coming from a head of bright pink hair lying in his lap.

“Please don’t go to work today.” The man hummed, slowly lifting his pout to catch Changkyun’s gaze. He playfully flashed a smile and wiggled his body trying to be cute. It was a pretty convincing display.

“You know I have to, Kihyun. Someone around here has to work anyway.” He teased. They embraced each other closely while Changkyun stroked Kihyun’s hair. The warmth of the sun tracked its way crawling over his skin, but felt nothing like the warmth that Kihyun filled his chest with.

“Hm, fine. But! You have to make it up to me when you get home. We are going to go eat, celebrate, and no excuses!” Kihyun waited for a response as he tangled their fingers together.

“I promise”, Changkyun said as he undid their knot of fingers to loop their pinkies together. Kihyun climbed up his body to kiss him deeply and Changkyun’s mind faded back to staring at the parking lot of the hospital with tears stinging his eyes. He sat in silence with his thoughts for a while before gathering himself up and headed into the building. No more distractions today. The nurses waiting at the service desk perked up as he stepped through the front doors. One of them, whose badge read “Anna”, began gathering up files and presented them to him when he walked up.

“Good morning hun! You have a couple of appointments later today that I left files waiting for you on your desk.” She fashioned the largest smile she could manage to beam at him while the nurses sitting behind her whispered and giggled. He cocked a half smile while fingering the folders she handed him and thanked her quietly, moving on towards the elevator. “Did you see?” Anna’s face was flushed as she sat back down to gossip with the rest of the nurses. As Changkyun took a step to enter the elevator he felt his heart stop as he saw a familiar face with dancing pink hair waiting for him against its walls. He immediately dropped his gaze, boarded the lift, and chose his floor destination. Kihyun stood in silence, smiling and staring at him the rest of the way. Once Changkyun finally reached his floor he stepped off continuing to ignore his presence while gripping at his chest. His heart felt as if it had combusted into a wild flame. It licked at his very lungs making it difficult to breathe.

He reached his office finally and settled into his desk while fighting back the tears welling in his eyes. Slowly he blew air out from his mouth and stared at the files set before him. Focus, Changkyun, you have to focus. With a two-ton brick resting just under his rib cage he scattered them across his desk to skim them over. All of his patients were a variety of cases, whether they suffered from malignant tumors or benign cysts. Changkyun thought back to when he was in medical school and wondered why instead of feeling satisfaction from helping others he was just constantly barraged by the presence of death. It seemed to cling to him recently, and it was beginning to hold a significant weight over him. A phone call suddenly came through and informed him that his first patient had arrived and was waiting for him in the exam room. Changkyun lingered in his thoughts a bit while heading to meet the patient, still wondering if this life was flourishing as he needed it to be. He entered the room where two men were seated inside waiting for him. “Erik?” He called out, holding an open file in both hands. The man sitting to the right gave him a weak smile and waved his hand. “A pleasure” said Changkyun, “I’ll be your oncologist. You can call me Changkyun.” He shook both their hands then took a seat at the table in front of them and flipped through his file. “Now, it looks like your biopsy came back negative and your growth is very benign.” They both gave an audible sigh of relief and grabbed each other’s hands for support. “I know how stressful it can be to hear that you have a cyst and not know what that may entail for you, so I’m happy I could deliver good news to you today. I would like to see you again for a follow up to make sure it doesn’t change, but breathe easy now.”

“Thank you so much doctor!” Changkyun nodded to them, wished them a good day, and left for his next patient gripping her folder tightly. He entered the next room and shook a woman’s hand.

“Nice to meet you Mira, I’m your oncologist, Changkyun.” She was alarmingly petite he noted.

“Thank you, doctor”. She gripped his hand tightly and wore the unmistakable mask of anxiety. Squirming in her seat and fidgeting with her hands while she seemed to be waiting for some sort of judgement to be passed onto her. Just as before, Changkyun took his seat in front of her and looked over her file. His heart plummeted. “Miss, it seems that the tumor has spread to your lymph nodes. I’m very sorry to be the one to tell you this.” She sat in silence for what seemed like an age. “We can try chemotherapy if you’d like, that is an option, but it may bring you into even greater pain. Otherwise, you aren't looking at the long life that many of us are supposedly promised anymore.” Mira sat in silence with her head hung between her shoulders. He gave her the time she need to process this news until she finally looked up at Changkyun with tears streaming down her eyes and a smile full of what seemed to be hope.

“No, I think I will simply stay with my family and live out my time. My siblings need a strong person to look up to, you know? And I have to be that for them even if that means my time here is cut early. I’m... all that they have...” She sat in her thoughts for a short moment and finally nodded to confirm her final decision, trying her best not to get choked up. Changkyun hesitated, but understood the woman’s wishes and made the notes in her file.

“If you ever need to see me don’t hesitate to make an appointment. Regardless of your decision I will be here for you for any amount of pain or however uncomfortable you may feel in the coming months.” He walked over to her and handed his business card so she could reach him personally if she needed.

“Thank you for understanding.” Changkyun wished her well and stepped out of the room with a heavy heart. He couldn’t understand completely her resolution, there was no way. Wouldn’t she want to remain strong for her family by fighting, instead? Maybe she meant that she didn’t want them to see her body react to the chemo treatment since it breaks down so gradually. There was nothing he could do if she did not want to be saved, so he decided to try and put it from his mind.

In the elevator Changkyun dug in his pocket, palmed another pill, and forced it down his throat. He began to seriously question whether he could continue to put up with this anymore. The constant limbo of good news, bad news, and so forth was becoming a mental and emotional strain. He only wanted to help people but all there was to do lately was deliver death certificates. As he entered his office Changkyun was again greeted by a silent Kihyun. He was taken aback realizing who it was, then resolved to ignore him again and walk straight to his desk. He tried to shut out his piercing smile that lingered over his own face. A knock from the door resounded within the room and Anna walked in with rose colored cheeks, obviously embarrassed from barging in. “I-I’m sorry to intrude on you like this but I was wondering if you might join me for lunch? I know how busy you must be and you know it’s silly of me to asking the first pla-“

“Yes”, Changkyun interjected.

“…What?” she said, dumbfounded.

“Yes, I will join you.” Changkyun’s expression was blank as he waited for her response. He kept stealing glances towards where Kihyun was seated. If there was any way to escape this uncomfortable situation it was by entertaining the nurse who seemed admittedly smitten with him. Anna gathered herself again and replied, “Right…” Gaining confidence she continued, “I’ll meet you in the cafeteria then!” He nodded in agreement and she nearly tripped over her own feet in her excitement to get out the door. Changkyun sat in silence for a while before deciding to take two more pills then stepped out to meet with Anna. He bought himself an iced coffee and found an empty table near a window while he waited. The garden outside was bursting with new life. Emerald leaves coated the branches of trees that danced in the day’s breeze and gave homes to nesting birds. Wildflowers were pushing themselves up through the ground to feed upon the sun’s ever piercing light. It was the time of rebirth, where the death of winter was forgiven and creatures great and small began again.

“Thank you so much for sitting with me today.” Anna settled in the seat across from him carrying a sandwich and some tea. “I usually sit in here by myself when I’m not swamped with patients. It can get pretty lonely.” She pursed her lips and stared at Changkyun awaiting a response. He pulled himself from his fixation and thought on her words before replying.

“I usually eat in my office.” He held his drink close to him and let his eyes again glaze over scene he had been admiring outside.

“Ah, that only makes sense. I’m sure it’s very peaceful.” The nurse began to struggle to continue with words for the conversation considering Changkyun didn’t have much to say. He was lost in between the present and elsewhere in his mind. As he initiated the drift he began to imagine lazy smiles and sunlit rooms in the afternoon. Revisiting the vision he had in the car when he arrived that morning. A warm and fuzzy sensation crept across his face until the hum of a flat-line filled his ears and sent him into panic mode. He snapped back into a lucid state and soon realized he was standing over Anna cleaning his spilled drink. “I…I’m sorry I have to go.”

“NO!” she shouted, her face went flush with embarrassment and he stopped where he was as she continued in a softer tone “I’ll walk you to your office”. She escorted him out and back into the lift supporting him by grabbing his shoulders. Once they reached his office Anna opened the door and Changkyun sat himself down on the couch staring into space. She closed the door behind them and sat next to him, stroking the hair from his face. “What happened back there, huh? You seemed to just kind of zone out then all of a sudden stood up and dropped your drink.” He kept his attention to the floor and remained silent. “Ok, well you don’t have to tell me… but I do have something that I wanted to give to you.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a bag with tiny blue pills inside. “I know how much you’ve been hurting lately, so I wanted to give you something to help you escape – even if for a little while. It may be a little unorthodox, but just this one time shouldn’t hurt anything, right?” He finally looked up at her; his eyes were filled with so much pain. He took a couple of the pills from her and swallowed them on the spot. “Besides”, Anna giggled, “if anything happens you are just lucky enough to have a real-life nurse at your side!”

He fell back into the couch and waited for his reality to melt away and transform into something new. After a few moments had passed Changkyun felt a slight pressure all over his body. His heartbeat raced and he began to feel extremely warm. What felt like fingers started to weave themselves through his hair in a precise and repetitive rhythm. It was so relaxing, they felt like they had become a part of him and maybe he could rest and fall asleep here. Another hand then caressed his face, every ridge of its skin he could feel resisting his own. The fingers began to trace his lips slowly before finally slipping between them. He took a breath and accepted it by taking it further into his mouth, releasing a soft moan and swirling his tongue around as it prodded in and out. A third began to glide over his stomach and chest, mapping out the crevices of his abdomen. These sensations were overwhelming; Changkyun didn’t know where to focus. Then finally, a fourth ran up his thigh where an intense weight lingered over his growing member. There were countless hands and fingers and nails sliding across every single inch of his body. Changkyun moaned heavily around the fingers fucking his mouth. He opened his eyes and turned his head to the side to see Anna sitting next to him simply staring at his ecstasy. Her fingers locked through his hair as she finally leaned forwards and kissed him deeply on the mouth. He felt himself melt into her as sparks of life danced across his face. He hadn’t felt this way in a long time. She climbed into his lap before disconnecting their faces to leave a trail of bites along his ear, neck, and collar bone. A feint fruit-like smell wafted throughout the room as he tried to focus on what he was feeling. He felt every point of pressure magnified. Changkyun grabbed Anna's hips and bucked into her in response to her advances. If there was a kiss one place it was suddenly in a thousand other places at the same time. Changkyun couldn’t take it anymore – he began to grasp at the buttons on his pants to remove them underneath her. “I need you”, he breathed, not looking her in the eye. She stared into him for a moment as she couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Anna helped him throw off his pants and underwear and followed suit with hers as well. They were both locked in a sloppy, passionate kiss as she braced herself with his shoulders and lowered herself onto his erection. She gave a deep growl as his girth stretched and filled her cunt. He threw his head back and let out an exasperated cry at the sensation, grabbing onto her hips to dig himself deeper. Anna held Changkyun close to her chest as she grinded herself onto his dick. She dipped down and began to suck on his earlobe and leave gentle nibbles. “You’re mine now”, she whispered into his ear. She adopted quicker movements and clenched herself around his shaft, releasing quiet breaths with each down stroke. He leaned down and mouthed at her breasts, his tongue skillfully rounding her nipples. She began to push faster and harder for his release and he dug his face into her collar bone to mask his deep moans. Anna grabbed him by the sides of his throat and held him to the back of the couch as she rocked him in and out of her soaked pussy. Changkyun couldn’t take it anymore – she gave a surprised yelp as he suddenly pulled her to him by wrapping his arms under hers and held her by the shoulders so that his shaft was as deep as he could manage. He pumped himself furiously into her until there was a searing heat in the pit of his stomach like a fire he could no longer contain. “Fuck!” he grunted as he finally released his cum into her, filling her core. Changkyun clung to Anna for a short time attempting to catch his breath before falling back into the couch in a daze. She giggled and removed herself, looking back only to see him spaced completely out and breathing heavy. “Oh shit, I have to go… I’ll catch up with you later Changkyun”. She gathered her belongings and closed the door behind her.

Changkyun lingered on the couch in silence staring into space easing his breathing down before finally bursting into tears and withdrawing into himself. All he could think of in that moment was Kihyun and their quiet afternoons spent embraced with each other at home. Everything felt like him, smelled like him, tasted like him. He didn’t want anyone else.

Anna continued to coerce Changkyun to become intoxicated during their meetings and took advantage of him in an effort to gain his affection. She believed that eventually he would come around to see that he really cared for her, and what they had was unique – despite his ritualistic callouts for Kihyun during their moments of intimacy. A couple of weeks later, on the way towards his office for another of her scheduled sessions she walked by a group of gossiping orderlies. “There’s Anna! She really is such a kind soul for being there for Changkyun with what he’s been going through recently. I’ve never seen him so down, hopefully she can get him to turn himself around.” She smiled at herself because she didn’t realize that others were seeing everything she was doing for him too. Soon enough he’ll learn to move on and accept me, she thought to herself. He had been obsessed over Kihyun for far too long and it was in the past anyway, she was his future now. Anna knocked and opened the door to his office and closed the door behind her. For some reason the lights were out, so she flipped the switch and turned towards his desk. “I’m here for your check up!” She hummed, attempting to start a little game with him; but he wasn’t at his desk or anywhere in the room that she could see. She heard muffled noises coming from behind the desk. When she went to investigate her heart stopped the instant her gaze fell upon Changkyun. He was in the middle of the floor seizing and foaming at the mouth, pills scattered around his desk. “Oh my god” she whispered to herself. “I…I’m going to go get help, please don’t fall asleep.” Then ran out the door screaming for anyone to come and help. Changkyun’s convulsions slowed to a stop before finally shutting his eyes and dissolving deep into his subconscious before he was escorted to the emergency room.

After blacking out, Changkyun descended into another dreamscape of memories. He endlessly fell amongst a dark void where the silence was deafening. All he could reach out for in his mind was the desire to feel warmth. And yet here he fell for what seemed like an eternity, until finally opening his eyes where he was lying on the couch in his apartment living room – again. Kihyun was soundly resting on top of him locked in a tight embrace. As he drew a deep breath he had found the familiar scent that lingered with him all too vivid. Changkyun sat them both upwards and stared longingly into his eyes. With the most serious yet soothing voice he could muster he said, “Kihyun, I want to marry you.” With baited breath he pulled a small dark blue box from underneath the couch and revealed a black band with fire opals set into it. Kihyun’s face was paralyzed with shock and he hesitated from being unsure of the right words to say. Soon after he began to tear up and slowly nodded his head with a toothy smile holding back his tears. Before he could let out his sobs of joy Changkyun cupped his face in his hands and kissed him as deeply as possible, pulling him close. Changkyun pulled away with their foreheads still touching and in an almost sing song voice said “I love you so much, I’ve never known anyone that I could be so absolute with before. I can be myself around you and-”. Kihyun pressed his lips against Changkyun again and laughed “I love you too. You don’t have to get into an excited talking fit.”

Kihyun ran his hands fluid up Changkyun’s chest where they rested on the crook of his neck and held him there. He connected with Changkyun again, this time straddling him on the couch while they passionately kissed and melded into each other. He removed his shirt and bent down to whisper in Changkyun’s ear. “I want you like this for the rest of our lives” he giggled then began to trail light bites up and down his neck, to his ears, and kissed him deeply again. A light moan of appreciation escaped from Changkyun’s lips as his hand traveled downwards now and snaked under his pants to stroke his growing erection. Appreciation evolved to lust as Changkyun pulled Kihyun closer to return the biting, only harder and more feverish. “Mm, just like that baby” he continued to vocalize his pleasure into Kihyun’s ear while he was massaging his engorged shaft. Content with his work thus far, Kihyun began removing the rest of his clothes, pulling down his underwear and allowing his own erection to spring free. He then began to work on Changkyun’s pants, only then to bend down and take his length into his mouth. Pressing his tongue flush against the underside, Kihyun bobbed up and down the shaft and held the base with his free hand. He was massaging the rim of his own anus and moaned around the dick in his mouth. “Fuck.” Changkyun’s breathing had become raspy and labored from the stimulation and he ran his fingers through Kihyun’s hair, slightly pushing the base of his head to encourage more. Kihyun began to slow himself before finally stopping to trail kisses up Changkyun’s body. He lifted up to position himself just above his swollen cock and then with one hand keeping it steady slowly eased himself down onto it. “God, Changkyun” he groaned deeply as Changkyun entered him, letting him adjust to the size. Kihyun patiently worked into a rhythm while the two kissed each other. Their pace quickened now and he dipped down to whisper in Changkyun’s ear, “baby I want you to fuck me like it’s the last thing we do”. Changkyun groaned and slid his hands underneath Kihyun’s arms to lock onto his shoulders and then pushed him hard into his cock. “Fuck!” they both breathed and Changkyun continued pumping into him.

“Kihyun I’m close, ah” the pressure was building in his testicles he started to slow his pace as he felt about to explode but Kihyun grabbed his thigh and told him to keep going. Changkyun worked back into his former pace, obeying. He began to grunt as he could feel himself about to tip over the edge. Kihyun reached between the both of them to help relieve his own pressure when he felt Changkyun grow stiff and then incredible warmth enveloped inside him. He heard whimpers and whines as he slowly rode out Changkyun’s high until he reached his own peak and ejaculated all across Changkyun’s stomach and chest. They both lay there while trying to catch their breath in each other’s arms.

Warmth was exactly what Changkyun had felt in that moment, he closed his eyes and it crept into every corner of his being. He felt whole. Beginning to shift he opened his eyes to find a hospital bed and Anna hovering over him. She felt incredibly guilty for instigating his overdose, it was written all over her face. “I’m so sorry” she began crying to him. “I thought this would help you forget what had happened. I thought for sure once you felt better we could have a chance together.” She fought back tears and stroked his hand. “I’m sure once you’re out of this coma you’ll see just how much I care about you.”

Changkyun pulled back, and realized he was still lost in his mind wandering around in a dark hallway before coming across a door. He opened it to see Kihyun in a hospital bed like the one he had just been in and rushed towards him in an anxious fit. “Oh my god Kihyun, what happened to you? I got a call letting me know you were here and I came as quickly as I could. Are you ok?” he said, absolutely panicked. “I’m fine. I just got into a little car accident is all.” He smiled big at Changkyun to lighten his spirits. Changkyun forced a smile back but stared at his fiancé covered in bruises and cuts. Kihyun could see through his fake smile and tried reassuring him. “The car looks much worse than I do, love.” He winked at him with another huge smile and Changkyun wondered how he could be this calm. The doctor tending to Kihyun knocked at the door before stepping in. “Ah Changkyun, right on time. Don’t worry too much now, he may look banged up but we gave him some pain killers and he’ll pull through just fine. He’s going to need lots of rest though, and I know he’ll be in very capable hands when he’s cleared to leave.” Changkyun offered the doctor a smile of relief and thanked him. The attending checked all of his vitals and made notes on his files then excused himself. Changkyun went to Kihyun, grabbed his hand and gave him a tender kiss on his forehead. “I’ll be fine hun, I promise. I want you to go home and rest.” Kihyun tried relieving his stress but Changkyun argued. “No, I’m staying right here with you until you can leave. You wouldn’t be here anyway if I hadn’t gotten called to stay after my shift was up. Tonight, was supposed to be for us, remember? We’re celebrating after all” Changkyun lifted Kihyun’s hand to show him the ring he had given to him and wiggled it back and forth.

Kihyun gave a light giggle and replied, “Go home baby. I will be right here waiting to see you in the morning. We have the rest of forever to celebrate anyway you know.” Kihyun expressed a toothy wink and brought Changkyun’s hand to his face to give it a kiss. “I love you. I’ll be here waiting for you.”

“I love you too, and I promise that I will be back first thing in the morning to entertain you.” “I’ll hold you to that!” Changkyun bent down and gave him a kiss on his forehead and turned out the door, nearly smacking into a nurse coming in. “Oh Anna, it’s you. I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention.” “No worries doll, just coming in to check on our special guest is all. Go get some rest he’s in good hands” She rushed him off and closed the door behind her. Changkyun reluctantly went home that night with the equivalent of what felt like a bowling ball sitting on top of his heart. He felt responsible for the accident and was going to do his best to make it up to Kihyun in the morning.

The following day he woke up as early as possible and nervously rushed down to the hospital. A group of nurses welcomed him at the desk, including Anna, who Changkyun felt was staring holes into him, but he brushed it off and continued on his way. He reached Kihyun’s room, flowers in hand, to greet him and see how he was doing. He carefully opened the door and realized that the room was silent. He walked over to the bed and saw that Kihyun was sleeping. Changkyun walked over slowly to wake him but he just wouldn’t budge. “Damn, I know you’re a heavy sleeper but even this is weird for you hun.” As he continued to try his best to rouse his fiancé it dawned on him that his skin was ice cold. Changkyun’s heart sank and began to race all at the same time. Smashing the panic button several times on Kihyun’s bed trying to keep his breath steady but no one came to his call. “What the fuck!” He ran out of the room and called for anyone to rush to his help. “Someone please! Get a doctor! Anyone! My fiancé isn’t waking up!” Soon after, one of the attending doctors rushed in with a nurse and raced to check his vitals. “Why are these damn machines off!” yelled the doctor. They asked Changkyun to wait outside while they attempted to resuscitate him. Changkyun tried his best to remain calm as he paced back and forth in front of the room Kihyun was in. Using exercises to keep his blood pressure and heart rate down and holding back tears as best he could. There was no way he could leave just like that, he was supposed to be fine. The doctor finally opened the door after what seemed like hours and asked him to step in. “I’m so sorry Changkyun.” He swallowed hard. “It was too late to do anything for him, and we tried everything we could. It looked like he suffered from organ failure overnight possibly... due to the trauma of the accident.”

“You told me he’d make a full recovery with rest… and now… he has organ failure from trauma?” All Changkyun could do is look down. He couldn’t face Kihyun or the doctor just yet.

“I know, and I’m sorry. It must have been something we missed during his initial testing. Unfortunately, it is something that can happen even with extensive tests. We’ll leave you with him for a while. When you’re ready you can review his charts, and let us know what you decide to… do.” Changkyun could tell he was using his words carefully to not upset him further, but what more could he say? His fiancé was just pronounced dead. Dead and gone and now Changkyun felt more alone than he ever had. The doctor and nurse left the room, leaving Changkyun finally staring at a lifeless Kihyun. A husk of the constant laughter that rang through his soul every day, now deafened. He walked over to him, stroked the hair from his face and began to sob quietly. “We were supposed to grow old together. Why would you leave me like this?” A few small tear drops fell onto Kihyun’s face, frozen in time. “I can’t do this on my own Kihyun. You are my everything. What am I supposed to do without you?” Changkyun completely broke down into tears at this point and rested his head in the crook of Kihyun’s arm to muffle his sobs.

The room suddenly began to dissolve and fade. It now resembled a funeral home complete with rows of flowers and grieving loved ones. Changkyun lifted his head from his arms to see a perfectly groomed, peaceful Kihyun, no... his husk resting in his coffin. He stood and walked over to where he lay. Wet, hot tears stung Changkyun’s face. Kihyun was forever frozen in time; it was him but not all in the same. There was no laughter in his face, no love in his eyes. Changkyun laid an arrangement of flowers next to him and squeezed his arm but immediately felt sick from how stiff it was. “I love you so much Kihyun.” He choked. “And I always will. We will be together again. Just keep waiting for me, please.” He bent down and gave him a light, lingering kiss on his cold forehead.

He lifted himself and opened his eyes to see another hospital room, only he was in bed this time. Anna was sitting in the corner playing on her phone when she looked up and screamed. “Oh my god Changkyun you’re finally awake!” She scrambled over to his bedside and looked him over. “Take it easy hun, you’ve been out cold for 3 days.” “What?!” Changkyun’s heart started racing. “How much have I missed? What happened?” His head felt clearer now than it had in months and it was absolutely awful. “Changkyun, you over did it a bit with your pills and overdosed in your office. I found you convulsing on the floor and after you had calmed down you just slept for a long time. The seizure was mild enough to just knock you out for a few days. The good news is that you already ran through most of your withdrawals in your sleep, so it should be smooth sailing from here. I've been here waiting for you this whole-time and...” Anna's words blurred to incoherent noise as Changkyun realized what was going on. He was sober? No wonder he had so many dreams. He then realized exactly what he had been dreaming about, it all came rushing back to him and he burst into tears then. Everything he had worked so hard to erase or dull was now prominent on his mind. Anna became alarmed. “Changkyun what’s wrong?!” She held him close to her and stroked his back. He took deep breaths in between sobs and just lay there motionless in her arms. “I…I had dreams – no…memories…of Kihyun.” Changkyun then felt her body grow rigid and looked up at her. He found a kind of anger in her eyes he had never seen before. She quickly changed her composition as she noticed his puzzled look and tried to reassure him. “Aw, Changkyun. I know you’re still beating yourself up about what happened, even after all this time, but there was nothing you or anyone could have done. It's best just to leave it in the past you know.” “I know, but the reason it eats at me is because he was perfectly fine just hours before I had left. I could see it all so clearly-” “No use in worrying about it now hun.” She cut him off before he could go any further. “You know mistakes are made and things can be overlooked. We are all human after all, and that includes unfortunate mortality. We just don't realize how fragile we can be until it's... too late.” Anna became physically uncomfortable and kept trying to get him off the subject but it was no use. Changkyun was lucid and fresh on the thoughts thanks to his memory dip. “I’m not denying that, but all of his machines were cut off and his panic button wasn’t even working either. That’s not normal Anna.” She got chills when he said her name in that tone, so she resolved to adopt a louder voice. “Maybe they were just getting ready to release him. Let’s not talk about this anymore Changkyun it’s just going to upset you and you only just woke up. What do you say you and I go back to your place for some relaxation, huh? Get your mind off things!” She started tugging at his shirt playfully but Changkyun wanted to fight back. “Who was in his room last?” More of a demand than a question, she pushed herself off him and started to gather her things. “Hmm…” she stalled. “You know, I’m not sure.” “You were the last one in there when I left.” He was being curt now. He felt she was hiding something. “Oh yeah? I’m sure someone else could have gone in to check on him after me.” She was trying to laugh his accusations off. Changkyun stared at her now, expressionless. “You weren’t even scheduled to work that night though, I remember you texting me asking to grab a drink with you.” “They called me in, just like they called you. It was busy that night. Listen, I’m going to go get you cleared for release ok? Wait just a minute.” She shot him a smile and rushed out the door before he could protest any longer. Changkyun sat in his bed starting to put pieces together. He suddenly felt sick. Something wasn’t right, and Anna was definitely hiding something. The bottom line was that he knew now that Kihyun certainly did not die on his own, and Changkyun was going to pull the truth.

They rode home in a taxi together in painful silence. Once they reached his apartment door she stopped in front of it before going in. “I have a surprise for you!” She swung it wide open and Changkyun’s heart dropped into his stomach then exploded into a million little pieces, horrified. The apartment was completely spotless. Nothing was how he had left it. It wasn’t home anymore, at least not their home. “Ta-da! Do you like it? I came to grab you a change of clothes while you were out and noticed how filthy this place was. So, I thought I’d surprise you by cleaning it up!” She scrunched her face and looked at him like a proud puppy, though he felt she was a proud puppy that had just taken a giant shit in the floor. He looked around the living room with everything absolutely pristine. Nothing on the floor, no papers, no coffee cups, no cologne bottles. No memories left, like he really was gone now. Changkyun felt his face grow hot with rage. “Why…” He struggled to find the right words; he didn’t know whether to be mean or just plain upset. He decided he didn’t want to be nice. “Why in the fuck would you do something like that? It was like that for a reason. These were mine and Kihyun’s things. I left it just the way he did. It wasn’t your place to-” Tears were stinging his eyes at this point and Anna looked as if she didn’t quite understand. “I mean a thank you would be nice you know. I went through all that just for you. Now you can start to move on- “ “I don’t want to fucking move on. It’s been two months Anna. Two. Months. We were going to get married. He is the love of my life.” “He’s your ex though, he’s gone.” She still didn’t understand what point he could be trying to reach, and it only served to make Changkyun more furious. “He’s not my fucking ex! He’s dead, Anna! He died! Two months ago!” “Oh please” She scoffed once again. “He wasn’t right for you anyway. I saw right through the both of you. I did you a favor, you know.” He stopped cold at this silent confession. His own heartbeat went silent in his ear and he just stared at her with wild eyes. “What favor was that?” She was fidgeting but regained her confidence “I told you, he wasn’t right for you.” “And what, you are?” He yelled, hoping that was a stupid question. She recoiled a bit but stood her ground, there was no turning back now. “Yes! Holy fuck, yes! I’ve seen the way you look at me Changkyun, don’t deny it. You can't. I saw how unhappy you were all the time so I had to do something. For you…for us! Fate just so happened to be on my side that night. I went drinking without you since you stood me up and I wrecked my car, it just so happened to be him. All you cared about was him though, you didn't even respond to my messages when I told you that I had gotten into an accident.” She began to giggle. “I knew it didn’t put him off though and that he’d end up at our hospital anyway so I just showed up in my uniform. At that point I’d been given a second chance and I wasn’t going to waste it.” Changkyun stared at her with his mouth wide open. There was a fire burning inside of him and the flames licked at his fingertips as he curled his fist tight. “You murderous bitch. We’re co-workers Anna.” He tried his best to speak calmly. “If you call me being polite secret code for wanting to fuck you then you’re more insane than I originally thought.” “You’re just in denial.” She laughed. “And if I recall correctly you did fuck me! It was so easy anyway, as soon as you left the room I just injected ricin into his IV and unplugged his machines. He slipped off into his sleep.” She looked to be reminiscing as she continued her montage. “You can’t tell me those nights of passion we shared weren’t love, Changkyun. Ugh, you wanted me so badly. Your beautiful cock was so welcoming.” She raised a finger to her mouth and giggled – her attempt at being seductive to assuage the situation. "Now that this is all out of the way and you're better, you should take me right here on the couch. Oh, that'd be fun!" “You drugged me you delusional bitch.” Changkyun felt there was no reasoning with her at this point. She was too far gone. “You could have convinced anyone to fuck you at that point.” “It was the only way I knew how to get close to you, though, and I’d say it certainly worked. If it gives you any closure he tried yelling your name a few times as he slipped off. Poor thing, I would imagine gradual cell death might be pretty painful. I didn’t really think about it too much. He really did love you though, but we can all move on now that everything is aired out!”

Changkyun had reached his breaking point, and, in a fit of rage, grabbed Anna by her throat and threw her to the floor of the apartment squeezing as tightly as he could around her esophagus. She looked at him with pleading eyes, grabbing at his hands trying to claw herself free. She started kicking at him and they both fell over in the struggle. Ana tried her best to push her body upright to escape but Changkyun crawled on top of her and wrapped his hands around her throat again with even more force than before. She gasped out with tears in her eyes and bloodshot cheeks searching for any sort of air to relieve the pressure, then finally went limp. He stood over her, arms still coiled around her throat, trying to catch his breath before finally realizing what he had done and fell back.

He began to panic and hyperventilate. He had lost everything, his fiancé, his life, now he was going to lose his job and his freedom. Death seemed to follow him and pluck from his basket everything he held dear. He searched around the room for the remains of the box Wonho had given him. It was hidden underneath a lap table and he consumed every last pill inside. He didn’t know what else to do, he needed relief. If death was going to follow him he would gladly walk alongside it. He just wanted to be as numb as absolutely possible. He decided to check Anna’s pockets in case she had anything on her and of course, she did. Changkyun could only wonder how she was going to take advantage of him using this goddamn bottle. A full bottle of Ketamine pills just like the ones Wonho had given to him with instructions inside.

Do not consume more than two in a 24-hour period.

He downed the entire container and forced them down his throat, then collapsed on the floor in a fit of tears. Nothing would ever be the same again, and he didn't want any part of it. Not if this was the way the world is. Not if he'd be constantly stripped of the only happiness in life he managed to grasp. His mind began to haze and he felt sharp warmth envelop him as what felt like hands gripped him tight. He stared off into space and a miasma of lemon and grapefruit seduced his senses.

Kihyun.

His entire body became paralyzed, frozen on the floor in front of the couch. He closed his eyes and couldn’t help but smile. Everything was so warm and weightless, just the way he always felt with Kihyun. Upon opening them again Kihyun himself was smiling back at him while humming a song and began to stroke Changkyun’s hair. He gave a soft chuckle and went to sit at Changkyun's side.

“Kihyun” Changkyun’s voice cracked. Kihyun kept singing while stroking his hair. His voice was soft like velvet and it was making him very sleepy. The world was so heavy now, pressing down on his whole body instead of his heart for once. Everything would be fine as long as Kihyun was with him, though. Changkyun wiped his mouth, wet with a white foam, and tried his best to keep his eyes open though they protested. How could he sleep when he finally had Kihyun back with him?

“Kihyun, I’m scared.” He whispered.

“Shh” Kihyun whispered back. He pushed the hair out of Changkyun’s face and gently stroked his arm. “I’m here for you. I always have been, and always will be.” He felt everything, he knew he was really there with him. Kihyun placed a soft kiss on Changkyun's cheek and hugged him tight.

Tears poured from Changkyun’s eyes. “I’m... s-so... sorry” He choked out. “I feel like I let you down. I… I just miss-ed you so much… and I- I didn’t know what else to do.” He tried his best to form the words he wanted to say, but his mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton and marshmallows.

“You have done no such thing. Just relax now.” Changkyun slowly broke into small convulsions in his limbs as his body began to shut down.

“You’re here with me now Changkyun. Everything will be ok, I promise.” His whole body was twisting itself now as Kihyun held tightly onto him. He couldn’t control it anymore. He felt himself slipping away as he lost all sense of physical being. His body didn't belong to him anymore, and it was as if it were fighting to contain Changkyun within.

“Just let go Changkyun.” Changkyun choked a laugh and began to violently seize. He pitifully twisted and writhed while Kihyun whispered sweet things into his ear still holding onto him tight until he finally went limp and one tiny sigh escaped his drenched lips.

The apartment was quiet now; Changkyun was lying lifeless in front of the living room couch when a breeze lazily swelled into the room from an open window. The sun had begun to set and it seemed the whole world stopped in this moment.

Just then, a knock from the door broke the silence. “Changkyun?” Wonho’s muffled voice echoed throughout the apartment and he knocked again. “Changkyun are you home? I’ve been trying to text you for days now and it isn’t like you not to answer. Hello?”

#mxnetwork #mxwriters #changkinet #dependence #changki angst #monsta x angst

41 notes · View notes

literaphobe · 7 years

Text

take off your shoes, come in the room (and baby, let’s try not to argue)

part 2 of i’m in love with a girl i hate (she enjoys, pointing out every bad thing about me) AKA drama club AU part 1 is here!! yeah i know i said that i’d only start writing during the weekend but here i am, several days early,, it’s scary the things validation makes me do

JAKE’S HOUSE, 1455 HOURS, PACING BACK AND FORTH IN FRONT OF THE FRONT DOOR ANXIOUSLY

Jake’s pacing back and forth in front of the front door anxiously- they’ve agreed on meeting today, for the first time, and Amy’s supposed to reach at three in the afternoon.

To say Jake feels nervous would be the understatement of the century. The moment he got home, he took a shower, using all the fancy soaps they had, which means he combined Fresh And Flirty Rose! with (an extremely old) Head To Toes Babies. He also put on some suspicious looking cologne that might’ve been left behind by one of his mom’s exes.

Not that he’s trying to impress Amy, or anything, but if he were to smell bad he wouldn’t be able to blame it on some other dude’s B.O. or the stank-iness of the room in general. And he doesn’t want Amy telling the whole world that he reeks, right?

After his long shower, Jake stretched out on his bed, leaving the door open so he could hear Amy ring the door bell.

But then a thought occurred to him- what if she doesn’t notice the doorbell, and chooses to knock on the door, but he’s too far away to hear? Does their doorbell even work anymore? Do they even have a doorbell?

He raced out of his room to check, (and after conducting five tests) relieved to know it worked, but he still couldn’t quite quell the bundle of nerves that refused to stop making his heart jump.

Perhaps it was best for him to wait at the front door until Amy arrived, the clock and door taking turns to be the subject of Jake’s glares.

This brings us to Jake’s current state- he’s been ambling back and forth for close to ten minutes now, and Amy should be here soon.

Unless she’s late- which Jake doesn’t expect her to be because Amy’s never late, but at the same time, their meeting is unofficial and could be something she doesn’t care about being punctual for, right?

But then- what if she’s early? A possibility that dwindles with each passing second, yet something Jake can’t help but think about because the alternative would be to think about how crazy this arrangement is.

Because it is crazy! Amy’s literally coming over to his (empty) house so they can practice kissing. Why did he think this was a good idea? Why did he suggest this? And why did Amy Santiago, known for her rationality, agree?

At the same time, if Amy doesn’t come soon Jake might just combust, and he can’t pinpoint why. Maybe it’s a combination of fear and uncertainty and unwillingness, like something bad you want to happen quickly so you can get it over and done with, because waiting in anticipation of it feels worse than actually having to do the bad thing.

JAKE’S HOUSE, 1500 HOURS, AMY AND JAKE’S SECRET KISSING PRACTICE SESSION

The doorbell rings and relief spreads, flowing through Jake in a split second. He instinctively turns the doorknob- but then stops to think about whether he should wait a few seconds so it doesn’t seem like he’s spent over ten minutes waiting at a door like a puppy who badly misses their owner (even though that’s exactly what he did).

“Jake?” Amy calls out, because she heard the doorknob turn and she’s confused as to why it’s still shut. At that, Jake swings the door wide open.

“Sorry, had to look through the peephole and make sure you weren’t some crazy creep. Actually, I’m still not-”

Jake cuts off with a teasing laugh due to Amy’s jab, hitting his shoulder squarely.

“Shut up, I’m not a creep!” She argues more playfully than not, because she doesn’t actually have to convince Jake she’s not a creep– he invited her here.

The air grows silent around them after that, and they stand like two badly carved sculptures in a low-budget art exhibition. Quickly enough however, the stress, awkwardness, intensity, or whatever gets them cracking, and they buckle in laughter at their situation.

“God, this feels weird!” Jake admits, loudly, and it’s liberating to lay it out directly, because this does feel strange, and they both know it.

“I know– what are we even supposed to do? Drop our stuff and just start making out right away?” They crack up, and the air feels lighter. “Why did we think this was a good idea?”

“Meeting up to practice kissing? Sounds more like the plot of an amateur porno!”

Amy’s entire face is struck with some kind of fascination, realization. “Woah… you’re right!”

“Right?” Jake raises his hand conversationally, because this situation they put themselves into really does sound like something that would end in sex.

The laughter finally dies down, and they’re infinitely more relaxed now.

“Okay–” Jake continues. “While a crazy idea, we still gotta work on our kiss for the play. But to make this ‘sitch less awkward, maybe we could do something else first?”

“Uh, how about homework?” Amy suggests casually, and it gets Jake freezing up.

“Homework? Why?”

She shrugs, like it’s the most logical activity for two teenagers to get up to in an empty house. “I mean- I brought my homework… you have your homework here since you live here… shouldn’t we do it?”

Jake sighs, as if he’s just been handed the biggest burden in the world. “This must be why I hate you.”

But he says that smiling, grinning, with a tone lacking any sort of malice that only gets Amy smirking back at him.

“Hate me all you want but we’re doing homework-”

Amy breaks off when she catches sight of Jake’s ajar room door- the one with the huge Die Hard poster- and immediately lights up in a way that gets Jake panicking once he puts two and two together.

“No, we’re not going into my-”

But Amy’s already making a break for his room before he can stop her. Sure, it’s not like he has super raunchy porn mags laid out over every inch of his room, or a ton of dirty underwear covering the floor like a carpet, but there’s definitely something incriminating in there, and Amy’s definitely going to find it.

Amy stands in the center of his room, as if in awe but also disgusted all the same.

“Welcome to my humble abode’s abode- where all the magic happens. We are not doing any better in making this less of a porn set up, by the way.”

Amy snorts, and walks over to his (very messy) desk.

“No way-” she picks up his nose ring. “You still have that nose ring you wore freshman year?” She gasps, clutching his arms tightly, excitedly, “do you have that yellow hat too?”

He confiscates his nose ring from her. “None of your business, Santiago- or should I remind you about the pantsuits you used to wear freshman year too?”

“I stand by those,” she says. “Pantsuits are professional workplace attire, and they should be socially accepted school attire.”

“Likewise,” Jake retorts curtly. “I stand by my nose ring. I would’ve kept wearing it if I didn’t get infected.”

“You stand by the hat too?”

Jake sighs, and it gets Amy giggling. At least he knows how stupid that hat was.

“But seriously, both the hat and nose ring are stupid. You look so much better the way you are now.”

Jake arches an eyebrow suggestively. “Amy, is this your way of hitting on me? Sorry to burst your bubble, but just telling me I look good won’t win me over- I’m easy, but I’m not that easy.”

Amy rolls her eyes. “Please. You’re the last person I would ever hit on. And I meant that you looked so bad with the hat and nose ring that anything else is better in comparison.”

“I’ll take what I can get.”

Amy’s attention shifts. “God, how many skateboards do you have? And are those six basketballs I see? Why do you need six?”

Jake huffs humorously. “You should check out my sneaker collection. Honestly, I’m surprised you haven’t said one thing about the mess in here. Thought that’d be the first thing you’d zero in on.”

“Oh, of course, your room looks like a pigsty and I’d clean it if given the chance but- it’s like visiting a whole new world in here. A dirty, disgusting world-”

“OKAY that’s it fun’s over! This unofficial unapproved tour is now cancelled, let’s go do that homework, shall we?”

Amy looks almost impressed. “Can’t believe you’re doing homework voluntarily.”

“That happens when my room gets invaded and my life choices criticized.”

Amy titters cheekily. “Then maybe you shouldn’t have invited me into your home.”

“True. My bad. Where are we doing homework? How does it work again?”

Amy looks at Jake in utter confusion. “How does it work? Have you never done homework in your- never mind, I don’t want to know the answer to that.”

“I’ll tell you anyway. I don’t do the homework unless the teacher says there’s a punishment for not doing it. And even then- I usually end up getting held back in school to finish homework stuff up. So most of the time? Nah. Homework’s not my thang.”

Amy appears on the verge of giving up on life.

“You know what? Let’s… do the homework here.”

“Here? Like in my room?”

“Like on your bed. There’s no space on your desk, since it’s being invaded by candy, amongst… other things,” she observes, with the most painful of grimaces.

“Like on my bed? Do you want to have sex with me?”

“Grow up, Jake-”

“-sex is pretty grown up if you ask me.”

Amy’s breath hitches, but she doesn’t give up. “Your bed’s the most conducive environment we have to do homework. Unless you have a proper study table elsewhere? Like in the living room? Dining room?”

Jake shakes his head. “No, I eat and watch TV at both those tables, I don’t want to ruin them by doing homework.”

“See? I knew you’d say something like that, or at least get distracted by TV during homework. Surprisingly, your bed has the least distractions. So do you wanna do homework on your bed, or should we work on the floor that I’m sure you haven’t mopped in years?”

“I’d get offended, but I actually haven’t cleaned the floor ever, so you’re right. Let’s do homework on my bed- but if we end up having hot steamy porn sex that’s on you.”

“Whatever,” Amy inhales in annoyance, and the impromptu homework session commences.

JAKE’S BED, 1646 HOURS, END OF IMPROMPTU HOMEWORK SESSION

Amy sits up straight and stretches in relief, after finishing the very last of her homework. Jake 'finished’ his a little while earlier since his classes are much more 'chill’ than Amy’s, and thus assign less work.

He has a point, since many of Amy’s subjects say 'Advanced Placement’ in them more often than not, but frankly, Amy’s pretty sure he’s either lying about his homework load or forgetting what homework was assigned. It may well be a little bit of both, but she still appreciates that he completed the homework he claims to have.

“See?” Amy remarks as she packs her homework neatly, slotting the stack of books and sheets of paper into her tote bag. “We did all our homework on your bed, and it didn’t end in sex.”

“Oh great,” Jake heaves dryly, “it was so hard for me to resist you while you did homework for hours, so fuckin’ hot- can we do it again?”

His words drip with sarcasm, and Amy is not amused.

“Shut up, Jake.” She settles her bag on the floor, taking care to make sure she doesn’t accidentally plop it down on top of any stray candy lying around.

“Oh wait! Now that the homework’s away, the porn powers come out to play- suddenly, you’ve never looked sexier!”

He says this so dramatically, gently pouncing on Amy like a man possessed. He’s got her lightly pinned underneath him on the bed now, and it makes her laugh but her heart thrums restlessly.

“Quit it,” she giggles as she pushes Jake off of her, who also finds this whole thing amusing because he thinks he’s just so funny. “And porn cliche or not, no one in their right mind would have sex on this bed- it’s so uncomfortable!”

Jake gasps, completely betrayed. “Hey, I gave you the good lump!”

She sighs, “how your back hasn’t shattered to pieces is amazing.”

“Okay, just so you know,” he continues. “I know someone who’s had plenty of sex on this bed, and he’s in his right mind.”

“Not something you should tell someone currently sitting in your bed,” Amy says, her face displaying mild forms of disgust.

“To be fair, it’s mostly self-sex, so you can calm your jealous butt.”

“I’m not jealous, and god-” she inhales deeply. “I really did not need that mental image.”

“Made ya horny, huh?” he winks.

“It’s like you want me to run out of here screaming.”

JAKE’S ROOM, 1700 HOURS, DISTRACTING BANTER DIES DOWN

Amy’s watch alarm goes off, reminding them why they’re here, and also getting Jake to question Amy’s alarm choices.

“Who sets an alarm at five in the evening?”

“Sorry,” she deactivates the alarm, “that’s usually supposed to remind me to stop studying and shower.”

“You have an alarm for that?” Jake asks disbelievingly. “God, you’re such a nerd.”

“Structured daily schedules are nerdy?” She retorts, her face contorting in displeasure.

Jake shrugs, “well wearing a watch is already pretty nerdy. I never wear a watch- if I wanna know what time it is I look at the clock, A.K.A. The Sun.”

Amy rolls her eyes. “You’re unbelievable.”

“But also super lovable, which balances things out.”

“I’m ignoring that-” she elects, “look, it’s getting late. We can’t keep talking- if we’re not going to practice kissing yet, we should at least do something theater-related.”

Jake ponders over this, pursing his lips. “Oh! We could play a warm-up game. Holt always makes us do improv exercises before every rehearsal!”

“That’s a great idea!” Amy chimes in agreement. “Even if we’re just here to practice kissing, warming up is super important.”

“Because we’re kissing for the play-”

“-exactly.”

Jake smirks. “Okay, so what should we do first? Also, I know it’s gonna break your heart, but you have to take your watch off, since it’s the rule.”

Amy snorts. “Jake, I’ve been taking my watch off during rehearsal for years. I think my heart’ll be fine.”

JAKE’S ROOM, 1800 HOURS, WARM-UP SESSION MOSTLY REDACTED BECAUSE JAKE AND AMY TAKE TOO LONG SINCE THEY’RE SO CLEARLY STALLING

Jake and Amy actually end up having a ton of fun playing warm up games together. They realize they’ve never actually worked together to do improv- being enemies, they would never be caught dead volunteering to improv with each other.

Which is a pity, because they’re unstoppable together. Every minute is filled with restrained laughter, wide smiles, and new (inside) jokes that they feel will get them chuckling randomly for several days ahead.

“Honey, I’m home!” Jake greets, pretending to open an invisible door, take off an invisible hat, and carry an invisible briefcase.

Amy spins around, holding an invisible knife. “Time to die-”

They’re interrupted by the beeping sound of Amy’s watch. An alarm is going off again, this time signaling that it’s six in the evening.

“Okay, seriously, how many alarms do you have? What’s this one for?” He chastises as Amy rushes to switch off the offending sound.

“Back off, I like keeping track of time. Speaking of which- we’ve been doing warm up exercises for an hour.”

“Crap, it’s been an hour? Okay yeah, we gotta start making out.” Jake sighs, looking hesitantly at Amy now.

They stare at each other, neither willing to make the first move, and suddenly everything’s weird and strange and bizarre all over again and they hate it. This builds up to them breaking eye contact and moving (far away) from each other.

“Okay, this is hard,” Amy remarks and Jake nods his head readily. “How are we supposed to do this?”

“What if-” Jake suggests, “we get our scripts out and read our lines together- just the parts where our characters interact, and when it gets to the kiss scene, we just go for it?”

“That’s good! It helps us get into character and feel the flow of the play.”

“Cool, cool, so- let’s get our scripts out and nail this kiss thing?”

“Yeah! And if we get this kiss right we’ll never have to meet up again!”

“Fantastic!” Jake’s voice cracks, making this exclamation less convincing, but Amy doesn’t point it out.

So they start reading their lines in character, all focused as if it were a real rehearsal, standing face to face on the sticky floor (seriously, Jake needs to clean his room), acting out their parts together in the play.

The problem is, Jake and Amy only realize just how romantic Johnny and Dora’s love story is as they act it out face to face. The tension between the two characters (and thus, both actors) is boundless and tangible, especially without all the other scenes in the play to balance things out.

Terry’s really outdone himself this time, and Jake and Amy feel this first hand.

Johnny leans forth, embracing Dora in a gentle, chaste kiss.

The moment they reach that stage direction, Jake and Amy drop their scripts, charging forth with a frightening amount of need and desperation. Their lips meet and they find themselves in a sweet sort of heaven, if heaven were dirty and sinful, which it is not, according to the Bible.

Their bodies slot together with a harsh force, and their hands press against places one might consider private. Heat radiates from the kiss, their lips and tongues soon raw from getting roughed up in an almost animalistic manner.

Because they’re kissing so freely, their minds fail to care about anything other than pleasure, and every varied way to express it. Sounds of pure hunger emanate from their throats and they do nothing to suppress such sounds, instead encouraging more with each bump, each caress.

Pretty soon, Jake’s hoisting Amy up in an attempt to pull her closer than she already is, and her legs wrap around his waist without a care about how increasingly dangerous they’re making this situation.

He proceeds to drop Amy down on his bed with a soft thud, and Amy makes no complaint about the comfort levels of its lumpy surface. She instead grabs onto Jake in a vice like grip to keep him there, there meaning firmly on top of her.

His lips no longer exclusively attach to her lips, and begin making their way down Amy’s jaw, dipping into her collarbone. He quickly acquaints himself with her neck; she has gorgeous, addictive skin he can’t get enough of, and he seems determined to leave his scent on every inch of her.

Amy’s in favor of this, and lets out a rich, wretched moan when Jake grinds his knuckles against her crotch. Her thick jeans prove to be a poor barrier because the way she responds to his touch makes it seem like she might as well not have worn them.

“Fuck, you’re so hot,” he murmurs against her skin, and the proceeding mewl she makes has his hands overtaken by a dark desire. They paw at the buttons of her shirt because he wants more. He wants to touch more, he wants to see more, he wants to hear more-

Except he doesn’t, both because he’s not looking at the buttons he’s trying to undo, and also because the offending sound of a ringing telephone has them coming to their senses, and they break apart like they’ve just realized the other was poisonous, radioactive.

Jake (with much difficulty) climbs off the bed and rushes to answer the phone- it’s the landline, and his mother’s asking about supper plans.

“Anything, I’ll eat anything,” he mumbles hastily, uncomfortably, because speaking his mother after the heavy (that’s one way to put it) activities he’s just engaged in has him not wanting to talk to her at all.

He slams the phone back on the receiver after she hangs up and spins around- but the mood of the room’s completely changed, because common sense dictates that they do not do what they almost did, and Amy and Jake both feel rather flustered for losing all common sense for those fleeting moments.

Amy looks up at him, eyes glazed, lips swollen, and sexy as all hell. As crazy as it feels to admit it, she’s never looked more tempting than this moment- with her ruffled (by him) hair, crumpled (due to being tugged at, also by him) shirt, and red marks (made by him) on her skin.

He wants nothing more than to climb back on top of her, make Amy Santiago eat her words and admit that she’d totally, totally have sex on his bed.

But that’s not what he should be thinking at all- in fact, he should never have and never ever think about Amy in that manner! It’s sick, it’s wrong, and he feels horribly guilty.

“Uh, it’s getting late. I have to be home for dinner...” Amy’s all over the place, despite not having moved at all. She quickly grabs her bag and slings it over her shoulder, leaving without so much as a final glance at Jake.

He can’t blame her, because he starts to wallow in shame at what he did and wanted to do (and almost did).

Jake feels like one of those jerks that he sees around all the time. He’s not exactly sure what he’s faulting himself for having in common with them, but the image of him dressed poorly, talking down to women, bragging about sexual conquests like women are games to be won comes to mind, and he doesn’t like it at all.

Amy should hate him for practically jumping on her like he did, grinding against her like he did, touching her like he did-

Although to be fair, Amy seemed to really want him to do all that. In fact, he very clearly remembers her hands on his skin, digging under his shirt.

Crap, that had felt amazing. He badly misses her already, wishes she was back here in his arms, cheeks flushed and lips inviting him in.

He wishes to drown in her. And it’s a strong desire, a feeling that takes hold of him, something he senses won’t go away for a while- so he decides to take a very long, very cold shower.

It’s only when he steps into the bathroom that Jake realizes– why is his belt already undone?

JAKE’S SUBCONSCIOUS, 0743 HOURS, UNDER THE COVERS WITH AMY

Her hair fans out on his favorite pillow, messy curls his fingers cling onto for dear life as he thrusts, over and over. Her eyes are shut in pure bliss and a sheen of sweat covers her skin, glistening.

Nothing has ever felt this good, and Amy’s tight and wet around him, just so perfect, as if she were made for him, and he was made for her too, to fit in her just right.

Amy’s bare skin is beautiful, and as mentioned, it’s completely bare, and he feels every inch of it under him, over him, tightly pressed against him.

His tongue, ever so devious, takes a liking to licking sensitive surfaces of her body. It’s fascinating because various combinations and speeds can get her groaning, moaning, bucking up against him. He cheats with his lips and teeth, sucking on her and biting on her until her pretty, pretty skin is less so.

He gets her screaming, writhing, and begging while beneath his skin, and he obliges her, caters to her every whim, because her every whim largely involves him touching her in some shape or form and he can’t bring himself to say no to that.

She’s so beautiful.

A thought that runs through his mind every few seconds, it feels so good to see her, making new faces, new sounds every few seconds, and he can’t stop himself from giving her everything he’s got since he wants more, more, and more.

She touches him too, and her touch weakens his resolve because he just wants to lay there and let her touch him anywhere she likes, and the only thing stopping him is how much he likes touching her.

She whispers the most filthy of commands into his ear, her breath hot against his skin, and it gets him all hot and bothered because the things she says has him feeling faint.

She’s magical, she’s everything.

She’s riding him now, and his fingers grip her hips in a near possessive fashion, as she takes him hard, fast. He’s screaming now, and the world dissolves into nothingness around him as she takes him to heaven using the highway to hell.

When he’s spent, he keeps her going with his mouth and fingers, taking a sick pleasure in making her climax over and over again, in having her claw and scratch and grip at him, in her thighs squeezing his head as it lodges between them, licking her slow, so frustratingly slow.

She curses and swears at him, but also pleads for him to take her where she needs to go again, because she’s just as addicted to him as he is to her. She wants him, needs him, over and over again, and tells him as such, shows him as such.

She makes him want to stay there in his bed forever, could make him hunger for nothing else.

He kisses his way up and down Amy’s body, whispering things to her that he himself can’t make out, can’t hear. It’s muffled against her skin, and said repeatedly, like a promise, a declaration.

But Amy appears to hear him, and a pure smile stretches across her face as he makes his way up to her face with kisses, hand clutching her face gently.

“I love you too,” she says, and then everything goes dark.

JAKE’S BED, 0753 HOURS, JAKE’S ALARM GOES OFF

Jake wakes up with a start, and is so flustered and shocked he nearly leaps off his bed.

The entire night’s worth of dreams comes flooding in and he’s in complete shock at what his (dirty, dirty, disgusting) mind came up with while he was sleeping.

Making out and getting kinda carried away with Amy (all their clothes intact) is one thing, but having dreams where he does unspeakable things to Amy while they’re both completely undressed is a whole other box of inappropriate things he won’t open right now.

What’s worse is how (as indicated by his tented boxers) affected he is by his very detailed, very vivid, very long (seriously, it feels like that’s the only thing he’s been dreaming about all night) sex dream. And what’s even worse than that?

Is the 'I love you’ stuff.

Sex dreams are one thing. He can (although he likely won’t) forgive himself for that, because hey, he did hardcore make out with Amy mere hours before sleeping in a very heated manner, and hey, Amy’s super hot and him being sexually attracted to her is nothing out of the ordinary.

But sex dreams where he (allegedly) tells Amy he loves her (repeatedly, against her skin), and her saying it back?

Both of them really happy and deeply in love?

That’s just wrong, and crazy, and also wrong.

He doesn’t love her, definitely, doesn’t so much as have a crush on Amy. They are enemies, most of the time, and when they don’t hate each other they merely tolerate each other (for Amy more than him, because annoying her is half the fun of being anywhere near her).

So yeah, no way is he allowed to have this dream ever again because it’s plain ridiculous, and no way will he and Amy ever be in the same positions as Sex Dream Jake and Sex Dream Amy.

This self-promise doesn’t stop him from being super jittery on the way to school however, apprehensive as ever at having to face Amy first thing in the morning, mere hours after their… encounter.

BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0802 HOURS, JAKE AND AMY’S HOMEROOM

Jake plops down beside Amy, entering so quietly she doesn’t even notice. She seems to be just as buried in thought as Jake is, although she likely did not have a pervy sex dream about him.

“Uh, you left your script at my- yeah.” Jake slides the script carefully on Amy’s desk, and the tension between them is palpable yet both of them refuse to address this in any way, shape, or form.

“Oh, thanks,” she says rigidly, quickly snatching the script and fitting it in her bag. She swipes it away so fast, it’s almost as if having her script out on her desk would’ve been indicative of their secret arrangement.

They don’t say a word to each other any longer before the bell goes off, though Jake does try to think of things he wants to say to her. He’s almost too late.

“Hey!” He calls, stilted as the bell rings, Amy amongst many other students scrambling to leave homeroom for first period.

She spins around. “Yeah?”

“We’re… we’re okay, right?” He asks, fingers running through his hair.

“Uh, yeah! We’re fine. So totally cool chill awesome.” She smiles, in a disconcerting manner, before rushing out of the classroom.

She doesn’t seem fine, but Jake accepts it for now, because he needs more time to recover too before he can truly look Amy in the eye again.

BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1756 HOURS, SEQUESTERED AREA BACKSTAGE

Things are definitely not fine.

Jake walks off stage after rehearsing the kiss for the very first time with Amy in the presence of Director Holt, and despite their very thorough rehearsal yesterday, their kiss is disastrous.

It’s even worse than the one they did in front of the club, because they’re ten times more awkward and distant, and if Holt had allowed anyone from the club to be present for this segment of the rehearsal, they would’ve laughed at Jake and Amy.

Holt told them it was fine, but obviously the man lies, because his face paints a portrait of disappointment.

It unsettles Jake, because clearly him and Amy are not fine, and they need to settle this so they stop disappointing Holt (not that he cares, of course) and also the club’s efforts in the play will be for naught if they don’t nail this.

“Hey,” he grabs Amy’s shoulder as she passes by, almost making her jump. “We have to talk.”

She takes a deep breath in resignation. “I guess we do. Jake, about yesterday-”

“Okay you know what? Yesterday wasn’t our fault.”

The incredulity stark on Amy’s face burns Jake’s cheeks.

“Jake, are you kidding me? We almost had-”

He swiftly clamps a hand over her mouth to prevent her from saying what he’s very sure she was about to say.

“YEAH AMY, CAN’T BELIEVE WE ALMOST HAD PIE YESTERDAY.” He lets her go, and she still looks confused, because that was a horrible way to cover up. “It was- we were in character, and it’s not our fault Johnny and Dora wanted to boink. We were victims!”

“Yes,” Amy runs with this, because anything to make this not about them. “Not our faults.”

“And,” he goes on. “It’s not our fault we have good chemistry. Heck, if we did porn it’d probably be really good porn!”

“Mhmm!” Amy hums uncomfortably, because she wants to agree, but she has no idea where he’s going with this.

“Point is- it’s not our fault we’re two super good actors who were acting on the instincts of our characters in a really well-written play.”

“Yeah.”

“And obviously, as ri-donk as our chemistry is, we’re not showing it on stage because we keep feeling super weird about it. So we gots to keep practicing.”

Amy rubs her arm nervously. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Jake.”

“No, wait, hear me out. We take precautions this time. Like- no going into my room.”

Amy nods. “Good point.”

“And like, no more homework.”

“No, I disagree. We should do more homework.”

“Okay-” Jake inhales sharply. “We’ll... work out the details later. So we cool?”

“Yeah,” she nods. “We’re cool.”

#text #peraltiago #brooklyn nine nine #should i stop putting this in the general tag #any way #im sorry for all the sin in this we r all gonna get taken to prison

162 notes · View notes