#anyway i hope it doesnt rain sunday
hewwow again 👁👄👁 i come this time asking for your fave fics (or any other recs) with magic 🤩🤩 not anything particular lichrally just magic 🤩🤩
1. Bang Chan’s Clan (T, Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings) (woochan, minsung, inminjin) series total is 200k+, ongoing, individual fics range from 28k-70k except for most recent work
2. So You’re a Chanwitch? (T, No Archive Warnings Apply, minchan) 100k+ series ongoing
3. A Glitch (M, Graphic Descriptions of Violence, woochan, changlix, seungjin, jeongdam, minsung) 100k+ complete
4. We Hope You Enjoy your Time Playing Phantasm ( T, Graphic Descriptions of Violence, woochan, changlix, seungjin, minsung, slight jeongdam) 400k+ complete
5. Of Heaven and Hell (T, No Archive Warnings Apply, minsung, changlix, woochan, inminjin) 51k, series ongoing
6. Handini and His Wizard Assistant Seungmin (T, No Archive Warnings Apply, seungsung) 6k, complete
7. And no one’s gonna save you from the beast about to strike (because you live with them) (G, No Archive Warnings Apply, woochan, changlix, minsung) 100k+ complete
...and that’s it I hope you enjoyed this !!
(All of my rants and what I love about each fic uwu)
1.gASP MAGIC OKAY SO LIKE THERES THIS AMAZING SERIES AND I HAVE RANTED ABOUT THIS BEFORE OKAY BUT lossitbay hAS THIS SERIES CALLED Bang Chan’s Clan AND ILL LINK THE FIC BUT OH GOOD LORD I AM SO WHIPPED FOR THIS SERIES IT HAS CRACK IT HAS FAMILY FEELS IT HAS ANGST IT HAS MAKING OUT AND AWAKENINGS AND A SMOL MINHO WHAT DOESNT IT HAVE (a lack of talent. it does not have a lack of talent) anYWAYS THE AUTHOR IS DOING HYUNJiNS BACKSTORY BUT GOOD LORD HECK A HUGE HUGE HUGE REC FOR ME
(also Blink-182 has Smol Minho and it is so dARN cute you have to read the fics before it to understand whats mostly happening but good lord the cuteness...was Peak. i cri so much it was so cute and and UGH PLS READ THE SERIES HELL JUST READ lossitbay’s works you will not be disappointed.) hah. anyways~
2. okay so there’s another series and it’s called The Luckiest Witch on Thirteenth Street? the first part is So You’re a Chanwitch? It’s another pretty popular series and the sequel (more like the continuation is still...in continuation) and minchan still havent kissed in the first part but oh good lord that was Quality literature I swear to god you will not be disappointed with this okay it is the CUTEST PIECE OF AMAZING UGH Hyunjin and Chan’s relationship is the cutest absolute cUTEST like father and son type relationship and Hyunjin’s the cutest and Minho is a tsundere piece of shit but he gets less shitter okay i promise you, changbin is cute cute so cute. FELIX DAMN BOI i love felix in this so so so much he isn’t like the felix in other fics but it works oh so well i will one day point out everything i love about this fic one day i promise you but oh hELL YES. also if you don’t like cliffhangers i don’t rlly reccommend since it’s rlly rlly slowburn and updates are pretty slow but....it is so worth it i promise you . Jeongin is a little piece of shit and no one takes him seriously and well..yeah. Jisung is adorable also a lil shit who curses too much. AND CHAN MY BOI HIS CHARACTER IS SO WELL DONE UGH seungmin doesnt come in until the very end and in the second part ...still amazing tho uwu okay this is my very brief rant heh
3. A Glitch is another popular one...in my defense you asked for my favorite *sigh* anyways um thiS WAS SO GOOD OKAY LIKE screech the boys have superpowers and it’s mostly changlix centered okay and just ugh theres facilities and badass woochan and time portals i think and so many other idols but oh hell yes baby hell yes THE SHIPS WERE SO WELL DONE WE DONT GET MUCH OF WOOCHAN GETTING TOGETHER THEY JUST DO BUT BESIDES THAT UGH SO SO SO GOOD AND THE WOOCHAN IS AMAZING TOO okay so like ugh yes yes yES)
4. i cannot go too in depth with this one or else i will end up writing 3k of just ranting if anyone wants me to do it hmu (also we have another post talking abt this btw) but it is very very very well done, it is Long, the ships are *chefs kiss* and its basically skz in sao but its called phantasm HUGE rec it has EVERYTHING UGH author is so TALENTED GO READ THEIR OTHER FICS IF YOU WISH *screams* but the angst, the action, the romance, the humor, the fluff....it all brings a tear to my eye im not kidding you just ugh how can someone be so talented
5. okay so i havent kept up with the sequel to this one cause Time amirite but anYWAYS THIS IS BEAUTIFUL I LOVE IT SO MUCH i especially especially love that Woojin is an angel and Chan’s a demon it is...amazing i love it and just good lord someone give Jisungie a hug and find out whats wrong with changbin because heck. everything is well written i love the author’s writing style such a huge rec from me !!!
6. I AM SUCH A THOT FOR SEUNGSUNG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH SO SO SO SOS SO SO SOSOSOSOSOS SO MUCH MY TWO BOIS UGH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH AND WHEN YOU PUT THEM IN A WIZARD MAGICAL SETTING??? UH??? HELL YESS PEOPLE. in any case, this was so well written so inexpicably beautiful. it has the fluff it has some crack it just- if you ever need some good, wholesome, magic vibes on a Sunday afternoon with a cup of tea and a blanket while it rains outside this is your fic i swear it’s just absolutely gorgeous AND THEY HAVE A KITTEN NAMED TALIA??? UHM???? EXCUSE ME??? STOP THIS IS JUST ESTABLISHED SEUNGSUNG BEING THE CUTEST i love. mentions of fluffy pink handcuffs and glaring mothers~ and jisungs jelly of the fucking cat and ugh i drowned in fluff will you drown with me? and there is some angst but thERES A HAPPY ENDING I PROMISE YOU ITS SO CUTE AND HDXKJNKNKNXSJKNXKND uwu.
7. mmmn yes yes so iconic the author: is so so so fucking talented and i think everyone knows them but if you dont then please go check them out their oneshots are blessings omg anyways. this is a collection of oneshots with felix as a human living in the skz coven and i read this so long ago but it’s always just been in my heart okAY AND WE HAVE THE VAMPY CHAN AGENDA (WHO IS SUCH A MOM I CRI I LOVE THIS SO MUCH) AND AND JISUNG IS THE CUTEST AND HES SO FUCKING ADORABLE AND PRECIOUS MY BABY DEMON BOI just-how talented-how beautiful- so well written. so so so so so so well written please check this out it requires no comittement at all and gives you 100k worth of fluff plus some hurt/comfort again, just a collection of oneshots mayhaps i cry okay just fuck. chronosaurus, if you’re reading this, i love you thank you very much thats all i have to say for myself
(thank you for asking!!)
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dear future self ,
hi big girl me ! i hope your doing lots beter than i am right now , becos things are kind of sucky while i’m riting this . its a real rock bottom sitchuation over here . mom drinks lots and her boyfrends are stupid and meen and dad is still gon away . and then theres ... the other thing . YOU know . come on .
i’m trying to think of happy things to reemynd you of first , though ... so i’m gonna rite about this sumer . even though i gotta do the egsact same thing for school in like a week . unless im DEAD
we made the bestest frends in the whole world in janyuary . do you still remember them ? do we still talk to them ? i really really really hope so . i hope we’re all still friends . the cool adults club now , i guess !! georgie and caleb .
georgies really nice and the bravest boy we ever knew and he wore the yellow coat and he gave us a poem one time . it wosnt really a proper one . it just said your like a tough flower , but we still liked it lots . there were flowers in the envelowp but they were kinda wilty ... i hope you still have it, becos its the nicest thing anyone ever rote about us . he was always the best . we loved him so much . even though its kind of his fault we’re in this mess , right ? boys are the worst .
anyway . caleb had all the curls and he read WAY to many books and he had a dog . sausage . he was luvly but kind of a priss . he helps us wiv our homework and we’re teeching him how to ride his bike wiv no hands on the handlebars . hes super scared of it but hes being VERY brave . hes been brave all sumer actually . and smart . smarter than us . he knew . he knew
sumer was nice at first . we went racing bowts in the rain and jumped off the cliff into the woter to play . we helped turtles in the road and took them back to the canal so they wernt hurting in the sun . we got these huge sundays and split them three ways and they had sprinkels and cherrys and choclate sauce EVERYWHERE . we red comics in the treehows and played all day and we only ever felt bad and lownly when it was time to go home .
homes kind of scary and it makes me sad .
do you live by yourself now ? i hope you do . somewhere super nice and big . or at LEAST not in this shithole town . maybe one day i’ll punch uncle barry in the face just for you , future me . youll get to feel all happy and prowd about it when YOU remember . ill probably just feel very hurty when he gets me back .
anyway . we found out something bad . if your reading this , i dont have to tell you what it was . im assuming your in a LOT of ferapy right now . paying some asshat doctor to tell you it was all in our nutty seven year old head . if your not , we’re SUPER dead and gobbled up and like , a sewer zombee now . haha . we figure we shud go talk to it about ... the stuff we found out . but i’m gonna bring my bat . becos i dont know if we can trust it anymore . it lied to us . its mean and its horribul and it might hurt us . i’m so so so MAD . and i’m upset . georgie is too . caleb too . we’re all really scared ... is the word . but we CANT BE . and its not fair .
what the hell do YOU know about being scared ? i bet you just do taxes and watch friends on tv and yell at kids playing on our lawn now . i’m the one doing the big girl stuff . how does THAT work .
i’m writing this because i WANT there to be a future me around to read this dumb letter . so hiya . its cool that we’re alive ! wonder how it all played out . maybe it was a misunderstanding ? it wasnt, was it .
i hope your still brave . and that your still cool . if i grew up lame , and horribul , like every other adult in this stupid fucking town , i might as well have dyed to be honest . jeezum . did you have kids ? how COME ? you KNOW what’s ... HERE . still . i bet they’re neet . and we’re a badass mom . way better than our one . hey , you still say fuck , right ?
but i gess maybe that stuff doesnt matter , actually . even if your boring now , and you dont say fuck ... i just hope your okay , big girl me . do me a solid and try and give a shit abowt the kids in derry if your still stuck there . none of those other idiot grown ups will . but you and me know better . okay ? please and thank you .
i’m gonna stop riting now . holy SHIT . my hand HURTS . i’m gonna go meet georgie and caleb . and we’re all gonna be fine . so you can tell big georgie and big caleb i say hi , can’t you ?
lots of love ,
the cooler ava oakley . xxx
p.s. are we famous ? or maybe mayor ? president of the world ? i just feel like we could’ve been . easy peasy . no preshure though .
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2016 vs 2019
So I originally posted this back in 2016 and I’m intrigued to answer the questions again to see how much ive changed since then (my original answers from 2016 will be in italics) so here goes...
This survey gets all in your business, are you ready?
bring it <come at me bro
Have you had sex with a black person?
nope <still nope
You’re single, why?
cause im a ball of anxiety who doesnt leave the house so i dont meet guys and even if i did im disgusting to look at so yeah.. <I mean, I do actually leave the house now but the rest is still 100%
The person who hurt you the most calls you, why?
they’re related to me, but the dont call me anyway so all’s good <God knows, we don't talk
Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?
nope <nope we were lying down
Who was your girlfriend/boyfriend on your last birthday?
nobody <we had only just started “courting” so we weren't official or anything
Will your next kiss be a mistake?
hope not <I don't plan for it to be but with my track record who knows
Have you ever been told you were hot by a complete stranger?
HA nope <not a complete stranger but by someone who I didn't know very well yeah
Think of your last two kisses, were they with the same person?
only had one <yes
Do you remember who you liked in August?
probably some famous guy who doesnt know I exist <unfortunately yes
Did things work out between the two of you?
How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
one <I don't know if I truly fully trust anyone
Tell me why you like the last song you listened to?
i think it was Purple Rain, i just like it <it was New Eyes by Adam Lambert, I just like it
Is there anything you wish you could say to an ex? If so, what?
i dont have an ex <just, “why?”
What color shirt were you wearing the last time you kissed someone?
i cant remember, i think it was red/Burgundy <green
Are you planning to go see a movie anytime soon?
friend wants to see zootropolis but we cant figure out a time we’re both free <yes, desperate to go see Knives Out but im so bloody busy at the moment
Think back to your last kiss; looking back now, was it a mistake?
yes yes yes yes yes i knew it was a mistake as it was happening so yes <no it was nice
Would you be surprised if your most recent ex called you tonight?
yeah since i dont have an ex <yes
What does your current Facebook status mean?
my last status was about how many pairs of socks i found in my car.. quality content right there <its a picture of the pie I made yesterday because I was proud of it :’)
Do you want to be single or with someone?
i think im a little bit in love with the idea of being in love, and i think if i was actually with someone i wouldnt like it.. <nah I liked being with someone and im bored of being single
Do you know what the last person you kissed is doing right now?
idk, probably hanging with his actual girlfriend <idk probably pissing someone else off
Have you ever kissed under fireworks?
nope <still nope
Last person you hugged?
either mom or dad <Jacob
Do you ever get paranoid when someone is reading your text messages?
yup, even though i hardly text anyone so theres not much to read i just dont like it <same answer
The last person you kissed tells you they love you, you say?
i dont trust you as far as i could throw you <for how long this time?
Who was the last person to call you baby/babe?
probably one of my parents idk <I have no idea, I cant remember
Have you ever had a sleepover with the opposite sex?
yah lots, i have more guy friends than girls <same answer
Who are you closest to in your family?
mom or cousin Tayla <mom
If your last ex said they hated you, what would you say?
you dont even exist :’) <fuck off
Is it possible to be single and happy?
Who were the last 3 people to text you?
my sis, friend rhys & mom <Jacob, grandad, Addison & Rhys (group chat)
Have you ever dated someone in jail?
Do you want things to change right now?
yes please <please
Are you stressed out?
Do you like to cuddle?
yes!! <even more
Do you hate the last person who texted you?
nope <opposite of hate
Will this weekend be a good one?
hopefully <a busy one, dress rehearsal all day Saturday and working all day Sunday
Have you ever slapped someone across the face?
yeah bit only jokingly <yes but not seriously
How old is the last person you kissed on the lips?
im not sure, i think hes like 5 years older than me <23
Did the last person to hurt you, ever apologize?
kind of <no
Would you ever get someone’s name tattooed on you?
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picnic date sunday i think
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better day one post
today was a good day, actually
i woke up and played animal crossing (new horizons) and felt like a lifetime passed in the span of two hours that i played. i think it was from 9 to 11.
oh this is random but does anyone else feel bad when you have a 9 too close to an 11? it’s like i’m just summoning all the bad things that happened during 9/11 into my core and they just build up like fat in arteries. its not even that big of a deal because its not like im actually referencing 9/11 but still, it bothers me. not even because i was cognizantly (or however you spell that) aware during that time, i just feel vaguely guilty???
but anyway, i had fun on animal crossing. i built a garden yesterday on a mountain behind my house, and funded a slope up to it. i dont think any of my villagers will wander out that far to visit it, but its nice to have the flowers so close. im not real worried about breeding them for the rarer colors, because my most favorite colors and pink and yellow (and green, but they only have mums in that color i think), but it would be nice to share them with my friends if i do get them.
i also set up a better entrance to my airport. i like to sell things on nookazon (which is, of course, amazon for animal crossing. well actually its more like ebay but i digress), but my entrance was cramped and ugly before. i really like it now, but i forgot to lay down a pretty sidewalk. that’s alright though, because grass is pretty too.
i kind of forgot what else i did since then, but i think the outfit i dressed my villager in was very cute, too. it was a tube top and some pretty red patterned pants, and i had a flower in my hair. i wish i could wear a tube top in real life, but im scared that people will try to yank it down to show my boobs. my mom said it happened to one of her sisters once (i think?). im also scared that people will do it to make fun of my fat stomach. im not shy about being fat, but ive heard “there’s nothing wrong with being fat” enough to think theres something wrong with being fat. not to get like existential about it (is that the right word?) but its like how people say theres nothing wrong with being poc. of course there isn’t, but people think there is something wrong with it enough that we have to say its not.
lmao anyway none of that is about the corona but i guess this is a diary anyway so thats alright.
after animal crossing, i took my dog out. she’s a yorkie chihuahua breed with really bad breath. she got her bad breath from her bad teeth, because she bit my uncle so hard that she gave him stitches. he doesnt like her, but i say its what he deserves because he kept scaring her in her cage. i wont get in on the details, but im so mad at him and my extended family too, because they decided to put her outside after that and she (surprise) ran away. luckily we got her back, but me and my mom and my sister (my family) were overseas at the time, so it was very stressful. i wasnt meant to know about it, but i overhead my mom talking to my sister about it and about having her go home early to get my dog (diamond).
anyway she has really bad teeth now, and bad breath from the teeth, but i dont think it bothers her much as long as she doesnt get a lot of food stuck in them. she likes to lick my face and make it stink as bad as her tongue lmao. plus, since she’s getting old and they were already lose from biting my uncle, her teeth are starting to fall out one by one. each loss makes her breath smell better LMAO
but anyway!! i took my dog out. it had just finished raining, i think, and diamond hates the rain. we didnt stay out long. once i came back inside, i sold the rest of my turnips (in animal crossing). i had to use turnips.exchange because (even though its not sunday) according to a turnip calculator, the sell price on my island was only going to get lower and lower. maybe it would have spiked at the end of the week, but im one of those animal crossing cheaters who time skips so i figured i’d just sell them now and time skip later.
i did time skip, and i met redd (the art seller). this is my first animal crossing game that i’ve played for longer than a day, but i think redd isnt that bad. he sells counterfeit art, but i guess we all have to make a living somehow.
outside of animal crossing, im not really sure what i do anymore. school is a bit hard because (like i said) time isnt linear anymore. one of my assignments was late, but i dont think my teacher has logged in for a while so im not sure it matters. we’re all tired, and probably scared
but i finished my work, nonetheless. most of it, although i still need to read some stories for class and give my classmates feedback. im a creative writing major. i love writing, even though im not confident in my abilities all the time. i hope i dont come off as a bad writer here. if i do, i hope nobody ever tells me lmao
now its 10:30 pm. my mom just told me to put the clothes in the dryer for her. that, and doing the dishes, is my only chore but i forgot most of the time (which is why she reminds me of course). i like sitting in the laundry room because i like the smell of the lint. its hard, though, because my mom and i, even with her reminders, are bad at washing clothes. we forget and let them pile up until they dont fit in the room anymore.
although, to be fair, we dont have a very large laundry room. it fits our washer and dryer and barely one of those laundry baskets that has wheels and a pull out handle. you know the one, probably.
anyway this is getting a little long, especially for a first post lmao. im getting distracted and starting to pull up other stuff, and my mom came in to make me pick out a different face mask to order (i think from etsy but probably name brand knowing my mom), so i guess i’ll cut myself off there.
i didnt do much else today anyway.
oh, also the mask i chose is a rainbow peace pattern! just in case anyone wanted to know.
its dark and rainy out today when i want to swim! im going anyway, though; i get weirded out when other people are in the pool [i have issues] so im hoping the rain keeps people away. im literally a grinch now who doesnt want anyone around me hahaha. so sad.
might do the youtube video tonight but i promise not to update on it again till its actually done; my allergies have been SO bad that i havent been down to be on camera. i spent most of sunday in bed due to being a sneeze monster.
i have about 44 days till i go to napa, my next planned trip, and im 100% dedicated to feeling good for it. i want to drink all the water, eat all the veggies and fruit, and do all the exercise.
i am so sick of going on trips and looking and feeling terrible on them. montana and arizona are already under my belt for 2017, but ive got 4 other trips planned and hopefully some spontaneous ones coming up so i will not feel like shit on them. its disappointing and frustrating every single time. no more.
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i keep talkin bout you bc youre my only real way of measuring my progress. you were the best and worst.
yesterday or honestly whenever, i made posts along the lines of some shit like you suck ass, which ya do, but if you got your life together we could be friends or sum. but i mean. that’s a concept. what i’m realising is that every day, i’m getting further away from you. and that is a GOD DAMN BLESSING. i say all these nice things but thats for the fake fun and great version of you that exists in my head as just a comforting thought when i feel like thinking about love. but damn, i keep forgetting until i really think about it that, i literally am so fucking happy to be away. i am so happy we never have to be friends again and talk and shit. because you /seem/ cool, especially when we barely talk but if i had to actually deal with you. id rather punch myself in the god damn face. also wow it sucks that id still be down for your dick bc you be lookin like a god damn mess like eww??? i barely /actually/ see you and then when i do i realise oh yeah this b for real aint shit. like i wonder what he is actually getting done w his life. and okay, any progress is great. like if you on your own are trying. great. thats fantastic like im proud of you. everyobe works at their own pace. but in terms of me being friends w you. nah b, you lame as fuck. i aint got time for that. i have been meeting waaayy too many incredible peoole this year and have done waaay to many incredible things to be settlin for someone like you. idk dude. i see you. i hear things about you. i see the shit you do and say and i know you cant judge someone really unless you really get to know em or whatever but sometimes peoples social media and their friends can say a looooottt about them. a lot. and i do not. ever. wanna. fuck. w. you. HEEELLL NOOO.
as much as i wish for myself to never speak of you again and all that. i dont think thats going to happen for a long time. three years is a long time. even if this one seems to have lasted forever, three years is longer. and thinking back on all of it helps me realise how much ive progressed. and how much i keep progressing every day.
i literally can only remember one. one. bad day. through this whole year. only one. maybe two? i remember one bad moment? but ive only ever had one bad day.
it is such a feeling. to finally. be free. all my emotions are controlled by me. i never feel depressed and alone on a cloudy quiet sunday. i never feel dreary when its pouring rain out. i never feel affected by the mundane weather. because i have done so much and i honestly will never stop. because what is the point in not trying to have fun and live your best life every moment of your life? fr that one song by anderson paak, i aint never comin down.
i spent too much time bein scared and believing i was incapable and antisocial and no one likes me or whatever.
but how do people get rid of their fears? you go out and face it. i feel like i can do almost anything now, im not gonna lie. like, if i really want to. because thats genuinely all it takes. if you WANT to do something, you will find a way to do it. so you will succeed. if you WANT to, even if theres everything stopping you, you find a way around it. once you realise that, nothing fucking stops you.
i say this same old stuff over and over again but it just took me so long to learn and you hear about it but you never believe it. i still am amazed every day by how my life is now.
i have met some of the most phenomenal and successful people this year. i never would’ve thought first of all that they would even like me or want to talk to me but you would be damn well surprised by people’s kindness. growing up sheltered and being called annoying, dumb, and all other things, you end up believeing no one will like you its just automatic. this year, got to become friends with my favourite people that i always wanted to hang out with. i got to befriend amazing artists and photographers that are huge in my town. everyone who meets me automatically wants to be my friend. even strangers?? random people that sit next to me in class. doing leads you to meet people. and meeting people leads you to doing. its a fantastic cycle if you think about it. life is never boring. i appreciate all the small little things in my life so much more now. everything. if you arent happy with your life, find a way to make yourself happy. you arent stuck unless you give up and stop trying to change yourself. these. are the reasons why i wouldnt want you back in my life. my life is too phenomenal now. my life is too fantastic for you to be in you wouldnt fit. plus, i think im way too positive for you now. and i unapologetically love myself and every aspect of who i am now and i am constantly working on bettering me that i feel like itd just be too much? id be obnoxious to you i feel like?? and youd be boring. you would be boring. i like your interests. i love hearing what you have to say about music and movies and weird random facts but. i also dont trust you to be a good person. after all that you did too, nah. i dont need that negativity. it would be outrageous for me to believe we are connected in anyway. i hope. i mean this in all honesty with my whole being. i hope youre happy w your girl or whateva bc i want you outta mine. she better be takin fuckin care of your dumbass though i stg. i dont care when my boys get w other girls as long as i know their taken care of. vasya when he got w chelsea? immediately got over my crush for him and was happy af bc she was better than me. max, if he gets w anyone aside from cheyenne i will beat his ass. that b better fuckin be pushing you to strive for the best. she better be pushin you to realise your worth and what youre capable of and pushin you to try new things because LIFE IS TOO FUN TO NOT GO OUT AND HAVE FUN. COOK SHIT TOGETHER. GO HIKE. GO DANCE. DO SHIT. GROW UP. THINK SMART.
i fr dont know what the point of this post is im really out here just writin whatever comes to mind. bc one day i’m gonna go back through all my personal posts and ill remember how my life was rn and ill be like damn. that shit was sick as fuck. life was lit as fuck.
tbh i think i was just really shook by that photo of you. ive been writing gay shit bout you for a while and then i saw that and i was like OH FUCK ABORT MISSION THAT B UGLY AS HELL AND HAS NO LIFE BACK OUT BACK OUT and now im here. straight shook. yeah. i dont want you in my life. my life is way better without you. i really am an unstoppable force right now. school is a motherfuckin one. friends are fucking precious and successful amazing wholesome human beings that are also out here doin the motherfuckin most im so proud i love all my friends we are all such successful people with amazing futures ahead of us god im so proud im 😭😭😭 we really out here chasin our dreams n shit. aND SUCCEEDIN. and money situation is L I T. ya baby’s got a fine ass mercedes w the best dad in the world getting me AUTOSTART for this cold winter???? ya baby be workin out and doin yoga everyday, abs comin in HOT. ya gurl developin as an artist with her dream school hittin her the FUCK up for her portfolio?? i am a for real artist now but i refuse to realise my big stuff. only sketches for now, dear world. the public eye doesnt need to see me as an artist yet. no. because they always will bc its always me. but no. i gotta act chill. this isnt the artist years of your life yet. you aint settled down yet no. now is time for fun, life, school, that grind 😤😤, and ecology. BE THAT SICK ASS SCIENTIST BITCH. BE SMART AS FUCK AND SAVE THE EARTH.
2017 got three more months left. i already know that im gonna have the funnest fucking time. fam is leavin for xmas and my sister’s moving out?? ff got house parties like wild?? EVERY MONTH??? northern lights are comin out??? you dont have to wake up early for school so you can go chase them??? A N D YOU HAVE A BUNCHA FRIENDS NOW TO GO WITH??? AND WINTER IS COMING SO THERES GONNA BE MORE EVENTS INSIDE TO GO TO??? AND MEET PEOPLE?? AND YA GETTIN MORE HIGHER PAYING JOBS WITH HELLA TIPS??? YES. i said i was gonna make 2017 my bitch. boy the fuck did i and i am gonna end it with a muthafuckin bang.
science march 4-22-17
i’m not marching today. The science march is overtaking DC and it’s earth day but yet i’m #optinginside. Bill Nye is there, as is questlove (main MC??). CEO of Nature Conservancy is there. Most of my friends are there. Not me, today. Not really sure why. Wanting an indoor day to myself, mainly. I’d also really like to be perched out aside a stream in the middle of the woods and just watching life pass me by, but I’m not up for the struggle of getting to a destination with parade traffic, nor do i really long for congested trails full of newbs and tourists.
It is also a rainy day and i worry that my outdoor toughness is softening; perhaps i just don’t want to get rained on? Pull yourself together, man.
Yesterday was a normal friday at work, except that it was a busy morning (annoyingly, thanks boss); had lunch in the sun; procrastinated in the afternoon; ditched at about 4 and met Grace in the sculpture garden fountain on constitution. we sat in the sun and talked about her people watching (she’d had lunch with adriane and stuck around in the city). She’d written some stream of consciousness stuff (we’re currently trying to write some songs together) about wishing she could stop protecting her heart, and wishing she could do away with her plans and escape and go on adventures. She mentioned the man on the street, that she’d left out something he said: “all my thoughts are noble thoughts because all my thoughts are moral” or something like that. She’d told a friend of this sentence, and the friend suggested grace and i’s band be called “Noble Thoughts,” which i thought was neat and better than any water-themed thing i could have thought up. i left her at the metro station on Pennsylvania and 7th; she was having a yoga-class friend stay the next few nights, as she was between places. I brought up homelessness; Grace inquired, and hoped i’d share my experience working on that at another time. Looking forward to seeing Hurray for the Riff Raff with her Sunday.
Grace’s voicemail, upon encountering the man: alright, listen. so iwas just walkin home from yoga class, walkin down the street, with my yoga mat in my backpack. and on the other side of the street there’s this old man in a red blazer and a red american flag hat with the tags still on it and a big old beard and a guitar, sitting on the park bench waiting for the bus across the street. He looks like a homeless guy. And he yells at me “hey you, you there! watcha got in that backpack?” and i said “welp, its a yoga mat.” and he said “well i thought it was a musical instrument! Can you fit a musical instrument in there?” And I said “well, I sure do, i got a kazu and spoons and..” he says “well come on over here and lets sing us a song!” So i went on over there and i brought out my spoons and my kazu anddddd (laughing) and show them off to him a little bit. and he says “well that’s great!” and he tells me that he’s just come from the Railroad Evangelists Society where they talk about evangelizing the lord and model trains. And he keeps talking about this and i tell him im a unitarian and don’t believe in evangelizing and he said “well i used to be a unitarian too until i met my devil wife; she’s dead now, bless her, and to everyone else it was a blessing.” and he starts telling me about life and std’s and a second wife and that he liked to sleep around...” and he was a hoot. it was really funny. and i said ‘you know i gotta go, so lets sing a song and ill be on my merry way. so he gets out his guitar and says you’ll know this one; and he starts playing his guitar and it is soooo out of tune that you can’t even pretend that it’s in tune, but he keeps playing as if he doesnt notice; and he starts singing a song and the bus pulls up and i say “sir nice to meet you but i gotta get on” and winked at the bus driver as i walked away. anyway, i wanted to tell you that. He gave me his address in case i wanted to write him letters, and so that we can look him up to jam sometime, if you’re interested. *laughs* ok, bye.
Last night was beer club. I brought along the new belgium ‘tartastic,’ a light lemon ginger sour and trekked over to Emily’s new apartment on 3rd and I, with Sam. I also brought along my empty can of Pure Water Brew (by clean water services). Clara joined. It was the usual gang -- carlos, emily, sam, les, monica and josh, and the rest of josh/carlos’ friends who i still don’t really know that well after all these months. the theme was “green beer” in time for earth day. So when it was my turn, i started rambling about the ingredient that is most central to beer -- water -- and basically explained the crux of the issues I’m working on at EPA in order to paint a picture, and then explained that the Pure Water Brew was the perfect beer with respect to not contributing to those problems; and i explained my lament that i could not actually share it with anyone. Somebody asked if folks could one day get over the stigma of drinking beer made from poop water, and i smiled big and said “YES! And i’ll tell you why! Think about the water system we have. When you flush or whatever, all that water goes to the community wwtp, where it is cleaned to pretty paltry standards, and then released into the river -- millions of gallons worth a day -- and then the next town downstream sucks it in and makes their drinking water out of that. By the time potomac water gets to DC Water’s drinking water intakes, it’s supposedly gone through 7 or 9 people already. and so when folks ask me the poop water question, i simply say, ‘dammit, we’re all already drinking it anyway!’” and it went over pretty decently, actually. Anyway, people cheered for my “ted talk” and i was glad i brought it up, even though i’d only given it a little thought so my coherence wasn’t where it needed to be. the rest of beer club was a hoot, and we played with the pug Frank (emily’s roommates’) until we lost him; until we realized his momma had just snagged him. Everyone’s beer pitches were top notch and the voting was convoluted as ever (went with the “French” model of elections); Beer club is never a bad time.
I quickly typed out my thoughts regarding the “ted talk on water and beer” that i started rambling about during beer club:
Given that we're doing green beer, it's earth day, and my beloved EPA is waiting in line for the guillotine at the moment. I wanted to talk a little bit about the ingredient that composes 99% of beer: water. Not only is this a key component of beer and almost every other commodity known to man, but it's also my trade so I want to rant about it a little bit.
What i am about to say is true about the entire world since the dawn of "civilized" man and industry, but it is particularly applicable to the US since 1492. According to the people of the united states, the US government, and private business, waterways have been one thing and one thing only: garbage cans. While large, navigable waterways have been thought of as passages for travel, all surface water bodies -- lakes, streams and rivers -- have been used primarily as the garbage cans of a productive society. Nearly everything that can be bought and sold in the US relies on intakes of surface water for the manufacturing process, and subsequently the disposal of used water back into the river, stream or lake. From factories producing batteries and Teslas and RC car toys and paper and pens and steel and plastics and cardboard and rubber garbage cans and blue jeans, to hog farms and paper mills, to coal power plants...all of these require an input of "clean" water, and during the manufacturing process, that clean water becomes dirty, and that water is treated to a minimal standard and then put back into the river or stream.
Consider the battery factory: they rinse their machinery and battery casings with water and create ionized metallic solutions for dipping, among other things; and the result is brine water full of arsenic, nickel, varieties of sodium. Take a coal fired power plant: water is drawn in to keep the smokestacks cool, and also to become steam which powers the turnbines that generate the electricity. It creates waters containing high levels of mercury, arsenic, lead, selenium, and other metals. My boss actually just led the rule writing to regulate to what standard coal plants have to clean that water before discharging it, and it became law in the last year, but now Pruitt is moving to erase it. But anyway, In both examples, the water is treated to remove part of the metals to the standards Congress allows EPA to set -- which are not stringent -- and then put back into the river.
And how could I forget poop! Whenever you flush, wash dishes, shower, laundry or whatever, that gets sent down the line to the community wastewater treatment plant. The solids are removed from the water, the water cleaned to the minimal accepted standard, and then "discharged" back into the river.
And that discharge heads on downstream. So consider how our urban areas are set up. You have communities up and downstream of each other. So discharges from communities upstream remain in the water available for those downstream. Pretty elementary stuff, right? But this highlights a fundamental flaw in our system. You see, pollution /discharges were completely unregulated in the United States until 1948 and only then marginally until the 70's. That's the Clean Water Act that we know today.
The problem with it is two-fold: first, we expected that we don't need to treat discharges to a very safe standard, because when we sucked the river water back in downstream, we could just treat the crap out of it and human health would be fine. That worked a 100 yrs ago, when clear water that didn't smell bad was assumed safe. But now our technology to detect specific contaminants is so much better, and we realize that cleaning crappy water (no pun intended) is actually really hard to do and expensive. Cleaning out hormones and nitrates, or microscopic plastic shedded from synthetic clothing in the washing machine, is super hard to treat, for example. For really big places like DC, DC Water has the economy of scale to afford all this crazy cleaning technology to superclean the drinking water. Which is important, because Potomac river water has been "through" 7 people and god knows how many manufacturing processes before it is treated and sent to your tap. DC Water can basically strip everything out but the hydrogen and oxygen and then literally have to add minerals back into the water to prevent health problems among us DC folks.
But small communities who lack much buying power? They get what they get. If they sit far downstream of a bunch of industrial activity and towns, and they can only afford some basic filters and chlorine, not the gizmos DC water can afford...what's going into their bodies? And this doesn't apply to just the drinking water plants; think about the wastewater plants. Some of them can turn wastewater into water so pure it can be used for anything, including drinking water. But what about communities that can't afford such technology? Many communities in rural areas can only afford what's called "lagoon" treatment -- literally a lagoon that allows sewage solids to settle to the bottom and microbes to partially disinfect the water on top, which then gets sent into the river. That kind of treatment doesn't do much for things like pharmaceuticals and heavy metals that may have ended up in the waste water.
It also does not address nutrient pollution. For those who forgot their 7th grade science, nutrient pollution comes from various sources and is mostly nitrogen and phosphorus. These are the two primary fertilizers required for optimized monoculture plant growth, and they are prerequisites for mankind's existence. But but we also release what consume in some form, and sewage contains tons of n and p. Additionally, in order to assure a sufficient crop yield, the US encourages Ag to use more fertilizer than necessary out of caution; and water events (rain, floods, farm animals like cows walking around in streams) result in this fertilizer, largely intact, running into rivers streams and lakes (along with animal wastes, which contain a ton of N and P). The result of excessive N and P in our waters is excessive microbial growth, like harmful algal blooms (which release neurotoxins into waters that cannot be filtered out, and Sidenote, these have been occurring more frequently on slow moving rivers and lakes near drinking water intakes). N and P are why the gulf of mexico has a dead zone.
And none of this involves other water issues. Everybody knows about flint now. But what about migrant families in the Central Valley of ca, where over fertilizing of crops results in nitrates in the groundwater, which these families must drink, and they boil the water out of fear of contamination, because the community water system is essentially third world, but boiling only concentrates the nitrates, which results in chronic health issues and birth defects? And that EPA wants to help fix that, but families don't bring attention to it because they think federal assistance will get the attention of ICE? And everyone knows about the ground sinking in California from pulling out too much groundwater, but what about the ground sinking in Virginia, of all places, because groundwater is drawn faster than it can be replenished, resulting in more flooding and saltwater fouling coastal groundwater that families rely on for drinking? Or what about mid size communities that can afford to do some innovative things to avoid these issues I'm ranting about, but the water rates are controlled by the city council, and since they want to be reelected, they keep the rates low, which deprived the water system of investment fund and ultimately prevents the community from doing "the right thing" and instead maintaining the status quo -- which is really the story across America, actually.
Anyway, back to that urban model. all this waste water full of n and p and contaminants goes through basic treatment, right? and then most of it ends up in the river. But we have technology now that can pull the N and P out during treatment and turn it back into commercial fertilizer, which effectively reuses it without letting it run downstream, and raises money for the community when it's sold. And we can take the poopy solid waste and turn it into fuel that powers the entire water plant, plus electricity for homes nearby. A few communities can afford these innovations, but most cannot. By capturing those nutrients, it prevents us from needing to import phosphorus from the middle east and other areas (which we need to do, to maintain current farm yields-- and by the way, it's going to run out in the coming years, and yet we're literally letting it flush down the drain...); it also prevents almost all of our n and p ending up on the sea floor in the gulf of mexico, having been discharged and ending up in the Mississippi River. The energy component would reduce how much electricity is required to clean and produce drinking water, which consumes a little over 2% of all electricity produced in the US.
There are so many challenges and opportunities associated with this way of doing things, with obtaining and managing water. One of the big three. Food, water, shelter. It was a beautiful system 100 yrs ago, but now we understand what needs work...and it's gonna cost money we don't have. Meanwhile, those with the least are being affected the most, as I think is typical. It's not all that surprising that EPA spends most of its time helping folks in trump country have safe drinking water and paying for their sewage treatment, and trump is looking to eliminate those funds.
So it's really important to think about what water touches and it's nexus with our daily lives. What am I sending down the drain? How did my food and my clothes and my purchases ruin or improve the water that other people - or God forbid, other creatures -- depend upon? If my city council or utility commission is considering raising the water rates...is it for a good reason? Probably. How can I help get clean and safe water to those who don't have it? Maybe water isn't the loudest of issues right now, but take it from me, water problems are Americas best kept secret. Most scholars call it "Americas largest looming crisis" ...and there's a reason mark twain said "whisky is for drinkin and water's for fighting about."
Which brings me to ways we can help solve these issues! Beer is a great start.