#anyway i’m losing the point

[braisedhoney]

in judgement and in apathy

#tsp #tsp fanart #the stanley parable #the stanley parable fanart #tsp narrator #tspud #the stanley parable ultra deluxe #narry is so near and dear to my heart at this point he really is like my old man son #he’s hilarious too bc he’s so uncompromisingly aroace #but also by far has the most simps of any character i’ve ever drawn #uh. as far as i know #i’m kind of disconnected from all that #… like father like son. or something. apples and trees. whatever floats your boat #been enjoying taking a break from super rendered pieces #but i think part of it is bc i don’t lose as much of the sketch/lineart #anyway w/e take this pic of my old man son <3

[puppyeared]

Once upon a time

#I want them to lose focus and have a consensual workplace relationship 🥺🥺 #ALSO WHAT?. SEASON 4 DROP OUT OF NOWHERE WHAT? AND WE GET SHADOWPEACH BACKSTORY CRUNBS??? #can’t get over macaque’s face in That photo. I know what you are #I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS FOR THEM THOUGH UGHHHGFDO #like I have the model sheet for macaque and it shows him with his six ears and it says only to draw the six ears if extreme closeup but i #can’t find a single screen cap in the show with his six ears #I’d like to think wukong would have been one of the first ppl he’d show them to if he always has his glamor on them. PLS IT WOULD BE SO CUTE #like the glamor comes off his scar and someone pointed out his tail switching between black and white and a theory he’s using glamor on his #fur too. but he never ever takes the glamor off his ears which I want to believe is more than just the crew not drawing ‘em #I’m gonna be honest I’m only gonna watch season 4 when dub comes out but. that’s not gonna stop me from peeping the tags since I don’t under #understand the subs anyway. #first shadowpeach art too let’s gooooo. im so normal about them (lying) #my art #myart #Lego monkie kid #lmk #monkie kid #lmk sun wukong #lmk macaque #six eared macaque #sun wukong #shadowpeach #lmk fanart #lmk wukong #lmk monkey king #lmk six eared macaque #lmk season 4 spoilers #lmk season 4 #lmk spoilers

[1driedpersimmon]

Dn except L gets a biiiiiiiigggggg shirt

( and other doodles…)

#death note #L #Light #yeah I don’t have a lot of ideas atm I’m just drawing whatever now #l lawliet #light yagami #also earsies…. gghhuhhh #I’m very close to just saying fuck all and drawing Catboy L #I do this and I lose like 10 points of respect from all my friends 🫡 #kidding kidding #anyways #enjoy the snack ive been trying to figure out my next drawing… I kinda wanna illustrate smth

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

alex: “we met then and we became... you may say... [pause] good friends...”

miles: “good friends to best friends... at that point, anyway...”

[distracted, self-conscious pause]

alex: “um [visibly trying to gather his thoughts]... and then the friendship continued... as... as... [still struggling] as they do...”

(i was going to write a whole analysis of this clip because jesus CHRIST, but instead i’ve just transcribed it, because honestly?? i think these 16 seconds speak loud enough for themselves)

#they literally said it right there for everyone to hear #and the body language?? #the way alex totally loses his train of thought after miles says ‘at that point anyway’ #SO LOUD #also i realise this might be old news to lots of people here but i’m still discovering gems like these #and i need somewhere to flail over them #so pls forgive me #milex #alex turner #miles kane #tlsp #the last shadow puppets #baby milex 🥺 #baby puppets #lulu posts

[fumifooms]

Marchil crumbs part 5

Part 1 - Part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 6 - part 7

The anime has come and since I have my shipping goggles on I am going to notice so much. This part will be less spoilery for anime onlys (tho if you want to see me talk about why I ship them and why they’re complementary this is not a good part to start with haha). Edit: After completing this part I can confirm it’s fully anime-onlys friendly and spoiler-free! For manga veterans though there are still some fun tidbits to be found, some recontextualisations and new extra content.

Holy shit guys they’re mirroring each other in the mural and reaching out to each other AND looking towards each other?!!!! Their pose is so striking and like perfectly align?! Which means it was so intentional and the staff wanted to highlight them (for an aesthetic and/or narrative purpose I’m sure but it happened)! I will never let this go we won so fucking hard let’s goooooo we are so back

Character foils!! Dynamic duo!!

Soulmates!!

In the opening at 1:16 he looks at her to see if she’s really going to it as the most critical of monster food & muster up courage to dig into it himself lmao… "Marcille doesn’t look too grossed out, she’s picky so this food must be fine then" Aka treating her as a poison taster/good cuisine judge lmao

Doodle from the animation director (source). I should translate it but I’m procrastinating on it so uh director’s brotp? Anyways they hanging out look at them :]

Laios is thinking to himself there (he’s the one saying the subs), and in the meantime Marcille and Chilchuck talk, likely figuring out the money situation. Strategizing duo back at it again not wasting a second

In the beginning of ep 1, when Marcille is rambling about where they could go to get food and what to grab, Chilchuck listens with a big smile & even closes his eyes as they walk. The implication is that he’s thinking about food, but man the scene hits different now that it’s voiced and I remember that indeed Chilchuck is closing his eyes to her voice and enjoying hearing her talk and ramble. I may be too far gone into the marchil pit

I feel like already they’ve come far from when Chilchuck dreaded being alone with Shuro and Marcille, waiting for the Toudens and Namari to arrive.

Ok this might actually be smth I’m gonna complain about but I feel like blushes have been drawn too vividly so far. Why does Chilchuck look like he’s confessing when he tells her she’s not a burden and he didn’t mean to make her feel that way. It almost comes across as "Woah she cares what I think?" 💀 The banter ensuing is of course also great

Ep 2 was an episode centered on them both that had the "Magic/Traps are my domain, don’t interfere!" parallel… And now with ep 3 we’re back to them being haters together. That’s her emotional support man

In ep 4, it doesn’t show well with a screenshot but when Senshi talks about his unmanned vegetable stand with a treasure chest, while in the manga Marcille and Chilchuck both think the same thing, "That’s why that treasure chest akways had money in it…", but in the anime instead they literally finish each other’s thought. Talk about being on the same wavelength.

Ep 5 is a marchil goldmine actually, it showcases perfectly how much of a package deal they are lol. Always sticking close to each other. Glancing at each other during meals… They literally nod at each other before they try a bite to steel themselves. They exchange a serious thoughtful glance when Laios talks about Falin truly being gone atm. They argue a bit but they go right back to sitting right next to each other after the meal <3 My god I can’t deal with them they are so…… "Hate this bitch, not my friend" 3 secs later "Heyy bestie!!" Also he’s worried he brought her mood down after mentioning Falin. Made a post about ep 5 collecting even more screenshots.

Episode 6 my hero my beloved… Again I made a post about the ep collecting all my screenshots here, and even a clip! But this IS the marchil crumbs masterpost thus I must collect the major ones here as well. First of all, fun staff drawings for the first screening!

I already posted a screenshot from the trailer of when Chil had his head on his knees sitting next to her, but after seeing episode 5 I think it’s a fun and interesting trend to notice that they sit next to each other way unnecessarily close wow. They continue to banter a ton, she continues to be very casual with touch, and they’re really cute! I love just how much Marcille blushed damn- It’s really cute too when you remember with the bicorn chapter that Chilchuck teases Marcille BECAUSE he enjoys getting a rise out of her, flustering her and seeing her reactions. I support the teasing -> laughing because her reaction is over the top all-Chilchuck economy. Also she apologizes for having let him go alone and be gone for so long by helping him with sewing his cowl… Cuties

She looked so happy when he opened up about his age!… And then seemed… Disappointed? When he "truly was just a kid". "So you really are a kid! How boring…" This implies that her intent was to tease him for funsies… Ok lads we reached 30 pics see you next post, I’m gonna cover the "wake up clumsy head" manga-anime differences and we’re gonna go back to our usual spoilers yummy schedule.

Here’s Marcille cosplaying as a succubus in the newest Daydream Hour… She may not be a half-foot or have deep-set eyes but let’s be real I think he’d explode

part 6 here!!

#Dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi anime #marchil #Chilchuck tims #marcille donato #ppl in the server don’t agree with me that the mural mirroring is huge… I am alone on this barren earth #/lh #This is one day after I said I had no more marchil crumbs. Yesterday me was a blind fool #This part is only halfway done I’ll edit in more stuff as we go and I find more crumbs #Bros… Broskis I’m losing my mind #The mural…….. #Idk if I wanna go there but this might be my favorite/the biggest marchil crumb. Holy shitttttt #For legal reasons /j disclaimer that yes yes I’m sure the staff’s intent wasn’t shippy like I said #But also I think it kinda undeniably ties them together in some way. Shows a bond either from a meta a narrative or an interpersonal #Standpoint. Their pose align and mirror perfectly but beyond them and Laios & Falin that can’t truly be said with anyone else. WHAT DOES IT #MEAAAN. It’s probably just bc it’s a nice composition 😔 But it happened and that means marchil nation is feasting today #Anyways I like my ship crumbs post to flow nicely from one point to another like a web but for this one i’mma be putting them in the order #That they come at since I don’t have them all on hand from the start

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

home from work

#if I speak… #one of the girls walked out yesterday #the best worker we have is on the verge of blowing up on this bitch’s leaders bc since he can do everything quick and efficiently already #they’re putting 3 to 4 ppl’s workloads on him to see how far they can extend his worth and then they’re over his shoulder the whole time #micromanaging him so today he almost lost it and was literally walking around mumbling about his disrespectful they all are (facts) #and how if they don’t think he’s doing it right then they can do it and I know for a fact one of the ladies heard him #bc he wasn’t even trying to hide it at this point and like this dude is cool he has a lot of patience and helps out any way he can #so if HE’S on the brink of snapping then the rest of us don’t stand a chance LMFAO #anyways today was a fucking mess those leaders know nothing about our store yet so they have us making less than what we need until we need #it so we get behind constantly and they made prep a disaster bc again they think they can just prep a bunch of stuff in the morning #and it’ll last the whole day and yes that works in theory but the reality of the situation is every day is different and today #we sold double what we did yesterday so they had to move me to prep to fix their mistakes bc we were running out of stuff 4 hours in lmfao #and I’m the only one left who knows how to do everything on prep bc the other girls had never done it before #we’re supposed to prep 20 mac n cheese trays in the morning for the whole day #we open lunch at 10:30 tell me why I go into the cooler at 12 put more in the oven and there’s only 5 left #it’s been less than 2 HOURS and you’re already running out of macs which means those idiots prepped barely anything just to try and save mo #*money to cut down waste but that gag if you’re losing money bc now you’re short on everything and customers are leaving bc they’re having #to wait a long time for their food #and macs take 40 minutes to cool LMFAO #I get over there they’re out of parfaits they’re out of fruit cups they’re out of kale salads the front is coming in and having to take #stuff as I make it bc they keep getting orders and it’s all just a fucking mess #I have to make a custom wrap and what happens?? those morons didn’t pull the flatbreads out of the freezer like they’re supposed to every #night so now we have no flatbread and I had to run back there and put them in the warming drawer to defrost and we lost an order bc I had #nothing to make the wraps with <3 #I go back there to get more cold chicken SPOILER ALERT they didn’t have anyone make any this morning so now there’s no chicken for the wrap #and salad and it has to be grilled and then chilled for 2 FUCKING HOURS before it can be used #they’re a fucking disaster like 😭 #was the store perfect before?? ofc not but it ran quickly and efficiently as it should and now it’s literally just a mess #this bitch hasn’t even owned it for a full week yet and has already fucked it all up #womp womp!!!!!!

[su-angelvicioso]

~Here guys! Have another old creation I never posted (✿◕‿◕)ﾉ 💟✨~

💍💟💎💜✨

I created this moodboard a long time ago based on an old headcanon that came to my mind, but I never posted. I still don’t know why haha. 😅 I gave it a purple theme because I simply love purple.

Headcanon: María’s mate had intended to marry her before his demise.

María discovered an unfamiliar ring interwoven within the underside of the serape that belonged to the love of her life. Placed onto her with a certain gentle admiration that only one who loved her deeply could have done. She’d spent the whole day wondering when she’d give it back to him. It was his after all… she’d woven it herself specifically for him to wear.

She no longer had to wonder.

She wouldn’t give it back to him now even if he physically came back to life and asked for it.

~☔️🌌

She questioned how she hadn’t paid attention to the weird sensation she felt rubbing against her skin while underneath the fabric the entire time, not until it was the only thing left to notice…

Not until it was practically the only thing she had left of him.

She was never bright when it came to romance, so it took her longer than one should to figure out what it meant, why it had been on his person,

and why she had no idea about it’s existence

Not up until that point anyway….

~🎆💟

It’s almost like he knew, almost like life is funny that way. At least, that’s what she tells herself because she couldn’t dare think about what could’ve been, what WOULD’VE been had they not…

She couldn’t spend a second to think about how she would have responded. Would she sob? Would she flick his forehead and say “¡Levántate, tonto!”, would she jump on him and kiss him like some fairytale? She didn’t know.

She would never know now…

There’s a reason she wears white every time she visits his gravestone specifically.

~🕊️💍

#I remember when someone was speaking about her family #explaining how she is clearly not an ‘unfeeling’ person considering her descent into madness #was losing the people she loved most #and losing ALL of them… #along with everything else… #they said she’s known as this ruthless unfeeling vampire… yet she also had a family #they said she was ‘‘basically like the Cullens’’ in terms of having a vampire family unit… and yet… (let me stop this rant here lolz!) #Anyways! my point is I kinda ran with that thinking about how the Cullens ‘believe in marriage’ considering they’re all married #and I thought they couldn’t be the ONLY vampires that maybe still believe in marriage and harbor some religious beliefs from the human days #they certainly weren’t the only ones to form familial bonds as vampires… #but even THAT choice was stolen from her in both her human & vampire life #María sweetie I’m so sorry! (genuinely lol) #maría my beloved #maria #maría #maria twilight #twilight maria #twilight #the twilight saga

[stuckinapril]

I’m so sorry you have to deal with anon hate! I’ll try to counter it and message you with nice uplifting words. I admire your blog and how much you use your platform to educate and speak up. You are a beautiful soul!!!

omg thank you so much my angel… this is so cheesy but it’s why I haven’t turned anon off yet despite getting distasteful anons. my blog has always been built on connecting w the wonderful ppl on here, and most times people are at their most comfortable communicating w me through anon so!! I rly don’t wanna severe that connection. and 99% of my inbox is a lot of love & kindness so I don’t wanna make it seem like it’s mostly hell bc it’s not

#It’s just one person and I know who she is so I don’t really lose sleep over it #It’s also flattering to have someone this obsessed w me… I think it makes things more fun #I do want to add tho that I wish people like this love and healing so they don’t feel the need to tear others down #There will always be That One Person and I’m learning to just be okay w that instead of trying to change their mind or argue ab it #W growing up comes learning u will not appeal to everyone and some people just don’t like u #And harassment is never okay but there’s no point putting energy into it bc that’s how ppl like that thrive #I get wayyyy more anon love anyway like mostly anon love actually

[ambrosiagourmet]

It was actually really interesting going thru and collecting those pics of Laios understanding Marcille, bc there really isn’t a lot of equivalent stuff on her end, at least not as obviously. Her opinions of/feelings towards him DEFINITELY change over the course of the story, but it’s hard to point to exactly how & when that happens. Perhaps I’ll have to reread some sections with an eye towards that…. 🤔

#tbh I think Marcille is a lot less active in parts of building their relationship. Laios definitely is more open & understanding #much earlier in the story. I think the resurrection stuff really makes an impression on him & then the nightmares chapter is a turning point #in his understanding and really starting to see her #and on Marcille’s end I think to some extent she spends a lot of the story weighed down by her own fears #that she’s not really at a place to see the people around her as clearly. and like she’s not GREAT at understanding people in general #but yeah I think she experiences an incredibly heavy weight of ‘oh god I care about these people and I’m gonna lose them’ #that sort of blanks everything else out. makes it harder to see to details #and that’s why when some of that fear lifts from her at the end #she is somewhat suddenly more open to some of those details #and a little less judgemental #you see it with Namari you see it with Izutsumi and you see it most with Laios #that’s my current theory anyways. but I’m sure there’s more in there that I’m missing

[blaqueswanzaghouliishiilikeda]

don’t mind me. just thinking about what the writers of iwtv gave us in season 1 and the fact that they weren’t properly compensated.

#also apparently the script for S2 goes hard #like…they fed us a multi course 5 star meal . we literally were daniel in ep 1. (just realizing they pointed out 7 courses and it was 7 eps #SEE THIS THE SHIT I’M TALKING ABOUT #i’m gonna lose my mind #obviously this goes out to all writers of every show that put their heart and soul into creating the worlds we fall in love with #i just am thinking about how new insightful meta for iwtv keeps coming up MONTHS later like….. #you mean to tell me writers are giving y’all stories ppl talk about for years later and execs be trying to find anyway to short change them #AMC COUNT YOUR DAYS #we coming for your head

[starlooove]

Ok but Dana being like ‘you don’t get it you don’t get it you don’t get it’ and Jason can’t respond bc he DOES get it! And he reacted worse! Dana, if a bit irresponsible, is doing smth purely productive for her community. Despite her issues with her sister she’s not targeting her or being fueled purely by anger (eh..complicated but yknow) etc. Jason DOES get it and he doesn’t know how to approach Dana besides telling her to just relax bc for him he went 10000% and then hit rock bottom and THATS when he had to pause and step back. If he and dick had that convo when he was at HIS worse it would’ve ended in a fist fight at best. He gets what Dana’s going through but he doesn’t know how to approach her because she’s coping! She has her supportive loving community around her, there’s never a question of whether she’ll go to bat for her sister; unlike early RH Jason! He doesn’t know how to deal with her because she has that safety net and the worst part is that he knows she’s disregarding it to an extent bc she’s never been in that same position he’s been in; she can’t ever be because she’s good and he’s not and he needs her to keep that and if he has to hound her and be backup and the voice of reason; by god if he has to be the Batman to her red hood he will!

#guys can you tell I’m losing my mind #btw for everyone who forgot there’s a point in time where Jason was JUST villain #like his future was Gotham rogue not whatever the fuck he is now #that’s how u got ooc ass titans tower #but also shit I enjoy like him getting locked up and deciding to take every nigga out in that jail too 😭 #his beef with Dick was so unnecessary at that time like it came from NOTHING #anyways #i really like that jason is clearly seeing himself in Dana #but he doesn’t go to extreme measure not just bc she’s not going to methods as extreme #but bc he also knows what he would’ve wanted and hated #WHICH THATS SMTH I DIDNT MENTION #jason basically going ‘i hear u but please take care of urself’ is NOT what he would’ve wanted to hear #he would’ve wanted someone ten toes down behind him #and he’s kinda half providing that but what he knows he NEEDED in hindsight is that voice of reason and space to be comfortable and sad #and he HATES that he has to provide bc he knows exactly how it’s causing a tiny bubble of resentment or how it’s coming off as condescendin #he KNOWS it’s pissing her of but he KNOWS that’s the best he can do and what she needs #ugh u don’t get ittt #also the way jason exploded outwards in a way that intentionally hurt others #but Dana is running herself ragged and unintentionally hurting those closest to her in the process #smth smth white mens emotional expression vs how black women are allowed to express the very same emotions #but more like how they’re socialized to do so #but thats a diff story #guys I’m loving it #Dana Harlowe #IM COMING MY BABY <3 #and #jason Todd #too. ig. hi.

[binders-and-beanies]

.

#cops tw #bro I cannot handle one more thing happening istg #got pulled over on my way home after a 13 hour day #was already scared to drive at night and that just confirmed that I’m right to be scared #it was for running a red light n it was one of those situations of just not having time to stop on yellow #I was fully aware as it was happening that I was either going to slam on my brakes in the intersection or run a red and I could see the cop #so I knew I was getting pulled over either way I just hoped the yellow would be longer than .5 seconds. not so lucky #except I also Am so lucky bc he let me off with a warning #ig bc I don’t have any sort of serious history + with it being 420 once he saw I was sober he prob went easier #it’s the second time I’ve been pulled over in my life tho and it’s scary bc this is the first time since the accident #which maybe that was also ok bc it wasn’t my fault #I just know every warning or unlucky moment costs u more in the future if u happen to get unlucky again #like I know I got out of that bc I’m white. it was still a scary moment bc there were multiple cop cars #so it’s like is this guy abt to ruin my life am I gonna lose my license for being at the wrong place wrong time #when I’m already salty to be driving this late involuntarily #so it’s like I got unlucky And very very lucky #I just hate the confirmation that u can get pulled over at any given moment #I constantly rehearse every possible convo w cops in my head bc if u come off disabled u can die #or get arrested or whatever #and then they like don’t follow the script and u didn’t expect this to happen to u today anyway and I get flustered #anyway my point is. I’m fucking exhausted and too many things keep happening #it’s long day after long day w no end in sight rn and I’m like half asleep every day #I just want to sleep. without feeling like I’m already tired tomorrow #it’s too much. just all of it #and on top of it all. it’s 420 so the whole dorm building is basically a cloud of weed #happy u guys are having fun but u are physically harming me in my home #mine #txt #vent post #personal

[zeb-z]

Echo following change if it means he can make more of a difference, help more people. A reflection of Fives, who had no question about challenging authority, of Rex who will do what needs to be done to get the job done, of Cody who thinks before he leaps, of Ahsoka who puts kindness and mercy above all else, of Hevy who didn’t fear sacrifice for the greater good, of Anakin who can’t just sit still when he can actively do something about it. His decision to leave is not a choice he makes lightly, it’s something he has been stressing over since season one, weighing keeping Omega safe, running from the Empire, and the knowledge that with Rex they could be doing so much more against the rising injustice. But ultimately it was still his choice.

His place isn’t running bounties and avoiding the Empire. Echo, like Rex, like Fives, will be on the front lines so long as he’s needed there, because that’s where he can make the most difference. It’s like Rex told him - “if that’s where you feel your place is, then that’s where you belong.” He belongs to direct action and making a difference just as much as he belongs with his brothers and sister.

The fact that he has a family, a future beyond fighting, is very important. He’ll always be part of the Bad Batch, and he’ll return to them again (I have to believe that), but it’s not his place anymore, not right now. And the fact that it’s his choice, one he did not make without consideration, is important as well.

(and maybe there’s something to be said for Cody’s speech about the choices you make and living with them, because even the right one for you isn’t the right one for someone else. fighting has a cost, a fractured group and a lonely kid - but it’s still his choice, and that’s important. here’s to hoping it’s not a permanent consequence)

#i feel like I’m making two points here and smushing them together messily but hear me out okay #still kicking us with the themes about choices what that means for clones what choices they have what choices they don’t #how so very little of them have any idea of what to fight for now. how they never expected to live through the war. how some choices led to #the downfall of most of the fights for clone rights. it’s fucked up it is but it happens #and echo man. echo who has had less choices under the techno union. who has always wanted to make a difference beyond what clones have been #programmed to want and fight for #the way he and fives fight. for their home for eachother for the 501st. I’m losing my plot here #anyways something about him belonging with his family as much as he belongs to duty but he’s not going to step down when he can do something #tbb #the bad batch #tbb spoilers #the bad batch spoilers #clone trooper echo #z speaks

[lovely-hikari-cosplay]

Alright, atp, Tricolor needs to be reworked so that the team in the lead is always defending (since Tricolor is supposed to be a catch-up opportunity for the losing teams) or the points need to be reduced.

There is no reason for Tricolor to still be 18 points if the leading team can be in any position, meaning they have a greater chance at winning period and thus unable to be unseated from the lead position.

You can correctly assume who is winning Tricolor by who wins the popular vote every time since they changed it to get more matches made, and that is antithetical to the purpose of Tricolor battles

#just imo #I thought Tricolors worked fine in the first fest even if they were hard to get in to #the point of them to cause an upset and give the losing teams a shot at winning #but also in this fest the pop choice getting over 55% again is wild #how when there are 3 choices does one choice get over 50% of the vote? it’s not impossible but unlikely #also regional matchmaking with international results is so…a choice #I was team Frye and most of my matches were against Team Big man #I still saw plenty of Team Shiver but not as much to suggest 55% popularity overall #anyways Ggs everyone I’m proud to have gotten over 1 mil points in Pro even though it didn’t mean shit #splatfest #Splatoon 3

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so. #literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework