#anyway i'm seeing if i can move out for the summer again lmao or i will DIE

[cheonsarchive]

Sunghoon | Unspoken

Pairing: Sunghoon x Fem!Reader

Genre: College!AU, Best Friends to Lovers!AU, Angst, Fluff, Suggestive

Featuring: the rest of ENHYPEN, LE SSERAFIM, TXT, aespa

Warnings: Cursing, suggestive content, mentions of/implied sex (no explicit smut), reader is COMPLICATED (I'm sorry lmao), mentions of death

Summary: You expected your summer break to be all relaxed and cozy, that was until your best friend decided to confess to you out of the blue. Cue a chaotic summer full of complicated feelings, denial, miscommunication and even more pining for each other than before. Bonus: Jake giving decent advice for once!

Word Count: 18k (what)

Playlist: Ruelle - War of Hearts, Nick Jonas ft. Tove Lo - Close, Lana Del Rey - Born To Die, Lostboycrow - Powers, Chase Atlantic - Meddle About, Aquilo - Losing You, Harry Styles - Falling

Author's Note: I rose from the dead to bring you a long awaited Sunghoon oneshot! I'm not too happy with it actually, but I'm a perfectionist when it comes to Sunghoon and I feel like I can't reach his standard anyway, so whatever lol. The first confession scene was inspired by Little Women (recommendation!), because it was perfect and needed to be reproduced in an ENHYPEN context. I would appreciate any kind of feedback. ❤️

If you want to be tagged in future ENHYPEN scenarios, let me know!

Masterlist

The ring of the bell that announced the end of the lesson made you slump in your seat in relief. You never anticipated the familiar buzzing noise more than today, the last class before the summer break being over making a wave of excitement rush through your body.

This semester had been absolute hell and you couldn’t wait for the break to start to be able to live with an empty head, at least for a couple of weeks, before you had to start studying again. You managed to hand in your last paper the day before, so you could officially call it a day once your last class was over and leave campus as fast as possible. Your friend Yunjin wasn’t as lucky, though.

“I’m so jealous of you, I really need to work on my time management.” Yunjin huffs in disappointment, still having to hand in two papers before she can start her summer break. You smiled apologetically at her.

“No need to be though, you’ll go to Italy soon and have the greatest time sipping Aperol Spritz in the sun while I will rot here without you,” you pointed out.

“Don’t say that, you will probably chill at Sunghoon’s pool every day anyway. Plus, we’re gonna have the road trip coming up at the end of the break, remember? That’s gonna be so much fun!” she chimed.

Ah yes, the road trip. Your friend group has decided to go to the countryside for a few days at the end of each summer break to detox once more from the city (and university) life before the next semester starts. It was Yunjin’s idea and ever since it was planned she kept talking about it nonstop.

“We’ll see about Sunghoon’s pool. If Yeji is being annoying again, we might have to move somewhere else. Sunghoon has been complaining about how she has recently become really obsessed with this one boy at school and wants to throw a pool party to invite him,” you laughed, reminiscing the phone call you had with Sunghoon the other day where he kept complaining for an hour straight how annoying it is to have a younger sibling going through puberty. When you had told him that he was like that as well once, he firmly denied it, being his usual stubborn self.

“She’s growing so fast! I wonder how protective Sunghoon will be once she actually starts dating.” Yunjin wiggles her eyebrows at you. You let out a dry chuckle in response, imagination running wild about how whiny he would be, pretending to be cold and scary when he was actually a soft, loving brother to Yeji.

“He will be the absolute worst.” You shook your head in amusement. You knew Sunghoon like the back of your hand, so you knew that he would absolutely freak out if a boy dared to hurt his little sister. It was probably a natural response, one you wouldn’t know as you don’t have any siblings, but he was exaggerating a bit. Sometimes you wondered if he just wanted to fit into the overprotective big brother trope.

“Hello ladies! What are we talking about?” Heeseung greeted after suddenly walking next to you. You smiled back at him and could see a familiar relief in his eyes, one that was probably coating all of your faces. Next semester would be Heeseung’s last one in college, so the pressure was on.

“Just how Sunghoon is going be the worst big brother once his sister starts dating.” Yunjin shrugged and Heeseung broke out in a chuckle because he definitely agrees. You almost felt bad for shading Sunghoon like that, but you enjoyed teasing him about it.

“Do I even want to know how this topic came up? There is more than enough time to shit-talk Sunghoon later, we should be discussing how excited we are for the summer break instead!” Heeseung jumped up and down and you realized just how giddy he was because he rarely acts this hyper.

“We were! It’s not that exciting for me though, because I’m not going to travel like you two,” you defended, making both of them exchange glances and scoff in unison.

“Please, you wouldn’t survive without Sunghoon anyway. It’s not like you don’t enjoy spending every day with him during summer break.” Yunjin laughed and you glared it her.

It was true, though. Sunghoon and you were inseparable like pen and paper ever since you were in middle school. You spent the majority of time at each other’s homes, to the point where you wondered which place you should actually call your home, his or your own? But during exam season, you usually spend less time with each other because you’re too busy studying. So it has become your ritual to spend the beginning of summer break together to make up for the lost time. It was easy too because that was usually the time everyone else travelled anyway.

The fact that you never grew tired of each other really amazed everyone around you. Rumors started spreading quickly that you might be secretly dating, or at least crushing on each other. You’ve always confidently turned down such rumors, but especially Heeseung and Yunjin persisted that something was going on between you two and loved teasing you about it.

“If it’s about what I think it is, I don’t want to hear it.” You warned, seeing the suggestive look in their eyes. You grew tired of always having to defend your friendship with Sunghoon. Maybe because deep down, there was some truth to it.

Sunghoon and you fit each other like a glove. You always knew what the other one thinks without having to articulate it, you can talk about everything without feeling judged and you balance each other out with your skills and knowledge.

It already started in middle school. Sunghoon was more skilled in creative subjects whereas you were good in trickier ones like mathematics or chemistry. You started tutoring each other quickly, which helped both of you get through high school. He helped you with your art projects whereas you explained his math homework to him.

Sunghoon was there during many difficult times as well. He was there when you experienced your first heartbreak, and he comforted you when your grandpa died who you cherished so deeply. Even years later, when you confessed that you’re still struggling with his death, Sunghoon was quick to drop everything and come over to you to help you get through it.

And if that wasn’t enough, Sunghoon also grew incredibly handsome as time passed. Puberty really turned him into the best version of himself and it was no wonder many girls at university swooned over him. So really, wasn’t he perfect boyfriend material?

“No.” You turned to Yunjin with a surprised face, confusion written over your features. “You finally need to confront your feelings. Even a blind person can see that the connection you have is more than just friendship.”

You rolled your eyes. There was nothing to confront in your opinion, which made you really question why they couldn’t just drop the topic. Though you sometimes wondered if the longing gaze from Sunghoon held more than you thought.

“Yeah whatever. Call me when you’ve handed in your papers!” You announced your departure, hugging Yunjin extra tight since you probably won’t see her again before her trip overseas. You promised to keep in touch before you separated from your friends to get on the bus to Sunghoon’s house. He didn’t have classes today, so he slept in and waited at home, promising you to celebrate the beginning of summer break with fresh watermelon.

“Lord have mercy.” You said with eyes as big as the watermelon in front of you. Sunghoon smiled cheekily, proudly presenting his purchase from the market. He posed like a model, and you slapped his arm playfully.

“That must have cost you a fortune.” You said feeling guilty, head dropping slightly. Sunghoon let out a tut at that.

“Don’t worry about it. Celebrating summer break is definitely worth it and much needed. I have to distract myself from wanting to curse at Professor Yoon.” Sunghoon exclaimed, the last part making you giggle quietly.

He expertly cut the watermelon in triangles and handed you a piece before sitting down opposite from you on the terrace. The sun had been cooking you and you wondered whether you will really survive a day at the pool. You really enjoyed spending time at Sunghoon’s house because of his big pool, but it stops being enjoyable once the temperatures hit a certain degree mark. The watermelon was not just needed as a way of celebrating, but also as a refreshment.

Once you took the first bite, you sighed in satisfaction, making Sunghoon suppress a laugh. You looked at him with a grim expression and cheeks stuffed like a squirrel.

“What?”

“Nothing, sounds like you really needed that one too. And you look cute with your mouth full.” He said, mimicking how your cheeks must have looked to him.

Yunjin and Heeseung might have classified that as flirting, but you knew Sunghoon was just bickering with you. He dropped comments like that from time to time, knowing you would always react with an annoyed expression.

“So, how is Yeji’s dating life going?” you taunted, trying to change the topic as you remembered the conversation you had with Yunjin and Heeseung earlier. Sunghoon’s smile dropped instantly and he groaned in annoyance.

“Don’t remind me. I told her to stay away from that prick but she is persistent.” He elaborated despite not wanting to have this conversation.

“You don’t even know him and call him a prick!” you laughed at your best friend being unreasonable, almost choking on your watermelon slice in the process. Sunghoon fixed you with a glare.

“I don’t have to know him to know he’s an idiot.” He defended but you could only raise a brow at him in response.

“Okay, you boy expert. You must know better.” You fake-praised but he brushed you off, taking another bite from his watermelon slice.

“I just want the best for my sister.” He said matter-of-factly, words almost unintelligible due to him chewing on his watermelon.

“I know, but you need to relax a little bit. Let her experience her first heartbreak if necessary and focus on your own miserable love life instead.” You joked, but Sunghoon grew tense upon hearing the second half of your sentence. He looked at you through his lashes, the way you acted completely unbothered by what you had just said irking him.

Once you finished eating you decided it would be too hot to stay outside, so you went to Sunghoon’s room to kill time. You plopped onto his bed while he was sorting some laundry, talking about everything and nothing. Unbeknownst to you, Sunghoon seemed stiff since earlier. You couldn’t pinpoint it, but you knew something was up with him today. It was like he was contemplating something.

For some reason, the topic of dating wouldn’t escape you today. Some time into the conversation, you drifted off to Yunjin’s boy escapades, laughing at the ridiculous stories she had told you.

You remembered Yunjin hooking up with that one guy from calculus, you guessed his name was Soobin, almost losing her virginity in a broom closet if it wasn’t for the janitor to catch them. She dropped him the moment she saw him drag another girl in said broom closet, able to imagine what was probably going on in there since she had first-hand experience. She never disclosed whether the janitor caught those two as well and you were oddly curious.

She started swiping on Tinder afterwards, meeting up with a guy whose name slipped from your memory, but you certainly remember the chaos that unfolded once she found out he was actually cheating on his girlfriend with her. For some reason, she was gravitating towards weird boys and she blamed it on them being Korean after a while.

So came Yunjin’s trip to Italy. It was honestly no surprise when she announced that she wants to start her “hot girl summer” experience with it. She started complaining about the lack of good-natured men around your campus and how she wants to try dating someone European. You started to question the intentions of her trip. Was it to relax and enjoy the Italian scenery, or was it to enjoy the Italian ‘scenery’?

“Maybe we should start our own hot girl and hot boy summer instead of being glued together all the time,” you fantasized absentmindedly, just the thought of it making you chuckle. You really weren’t the person to hit up strangers, and neither was he. Sunghoon tensed at your words, stopping in his tracks. His back was turned to you, but you could tell what you said stirred something in him. You patiently waited for his response, and he bit his lip, contemplating what to say.

“No, I don’t think that would be good.” he said quietly, but loud enough for you to hear. His breathing halted the moment you suggested getting to know other people.

“Why is that? I think you need to let go of the mysterious handsome guy image and finally get laid again.” you laughed, slightly confused by his changing demeanor.

“I don’t want to hook up with random girls.” He stated. At first, you didn’t think much of it. Sunghoon never seemed that interested in dating. He did have a short fling with a girl named Eunchae when he entered college, but it ended with a lot of tears and refusal to meet someone new. He tried to hook up here and there, but that stopped after a while too and you figured he might want to wait for a real girlfriend, not just some one-night stands with strangers.

It didn’t strike you how serious he was being about this. So, when he turned around to look at you, the atmosphere in the room shifted. His gaze held something you had never seen before. His gaze held so much, in fact, that it made you nervous. And like many times before, Sunghoon didn’t need to speak up for you to know what he meant. But unlike many times before, what he was thinking made your blood run cold.

“No.” you immediately blurted, eyes going wide in shock.

“Y/N, listen.” He rushed out once you started to get up from the bed.

“No, no. Sunghoon, please don’t.” you tried to shield from him, hoping it was all a misunderstanding. But things like misunderstandings weren’t in your code.

“Y/N it’s no use. We finally need to talk about this.”

“I think I’m going to be sick, I better go home,” you said, feeling the sudden urge to flee from the situation. You almost sprinted to the door and Sunghoon tried to block you from leaving his room, but you pushed him away in panic. As stubborn as he is, Sunghoon followed you suit, and you were glad that you two were alone at his house right now, because you wouldn’t want Yeji or his parents to overhear this conversation.

“Y/N please listen to me. I’ve started liking you a while ago already and I never said anything because I thought it wasn’t mutual. But sometimes I-… I just-… I got the feeling that we might have a chance as something more than friends. T-that you might want this too. I’ve waited so long for you to make a move and prove that I wasn’t imagining things and that you feel the same way for me. But it never happened, and I just can’t go on like this. I need you to know, okay?”

Sunghoon rambled so fast you almost couldn’t catch up with him, he blurted all that while you tried to get out of his house as quickly as possible. He kept going while you practically ran down the stairs, picking up your shoes and sliding into them. Before you turned the door knob of his front door, you turned around to look at him again. And it was a big mistake.

Sunghoon was wearing the most desperate expression you had ever witnessed. The fact that he just confessed to you made your stomach turn. You even noticed how his eyes turned glassy, was he crying? Disbelief was written over your face and all you could do was shake your head and say “No.” once more.

Something broke inside of Sunghoon when he became conscious of the fact that you were rejecting him at this moment. He mustered up the courage to tell you how he felt because everyone he had confined in told him you like him too and that he should finally tell you how he really feels. So, not only did he feel crushed by your rejection, but also by the backstab of his friends.

“Y/N I always thought we worked so well together, so I never understood why we couldn’t be more. Am I… Am I not good enough? I-is that the problem? If there is something I can change, let me know and I’ll-“

“Oh my God, Sunghoon, no. You’re literally perfect. I’m so grateful to have you by my side and I couldn’t be more thankful for all the times you comforted me and helped me to get out of trouble. You are honest and funny and- and you are committed, and I love you. But just not the way you want me to. I am sorry.” You interrupted him, feeling your eyes sting with tears, mirroring his. Sunghoon choked at your words. You realized at that moment that you haven’t seen him cry in ages. And to be the reason he was crying made you feel terrible.

“Please tell me why. I don’t understand.” He begged, sounding absolutely miserable while a tear managed to escape and run down his cheek slowly.

“I don’t know Sunghoon. I just don’t. We can’t ruin our friendship like this-”

“Who said this is ruining our friendship? Maybe we weren’t meant to be just friends in the first place!”

“Yes we were!” you snapped back at him, anger starting to bubble up inside of you, “Yes we were,” you repeated, more calmly this time, “don’t make this something it isn’t. Please.”

This was the moment you decided that you had to get out of there immediately. You couldn’t take the pressure anymore, the fact that he expected an answer from you. You were overwhelmed with the whole situation and couldn’t think straight, so your adrenaline rush decided for flight instead of fight. You quickly turned the door knob and rushed out of his home, leaving him behind.

“Y/N, wait!” was his last attempt to keep you by his side, but he was met with a door being slammed in his face instead. He stared at his front door in disbelief, trying to process what had just unfolded. How he ruined everything. Sunghoon wanted to hit himself for speaking up, he figured that he should have just stayed quiet instead. But it was eating at him how he was silently pining for you and you never reacted the way he wanted you to. It confused him how you always scoffed at him whenever he complimented you but enjoyed cuddling with him during your regular movie nights.

He always wondered if he was making everything up, if you weren’t giving him potential signs at all and he just interpreted them the wrong way. Yet, when he opened up to Jake about his crush for you Jake didn’t seem surprised and said that everyone knew you both liked each other. Emphasis on both. After some time passed, Jake reassured Sunghoon that it was no use pining like this and that he was sure you two were destined to be together. Sunghoon was still scared shitless because there was still the possibility of you rejecting him. And whatever happens, he can’t afford to lose you because of his stupid feelings.

Sunghoon can’t even remember when he started liking you. It randomly hit him one day when you were wiping some ketchup off his mouth after eating fries and his heart began to race uncontrollably. He started noticing how pretty your eyes and lips were, how well you carried yourself, how quick-witted you were and how you always seemed to be at ease when you were around him. He had an ability to calm you down that no one else had. And Sunghoon managed to mistake it for mutual interest.

Once you slammed the door in his face you stood in front of his house for a few minutes, trying to sort out your thoughts and get your feet to move. The gears in your head were turning at lightning speed and you couldn’t believe what had just happened. Wasn’t this what you always wanted?

You speculated if there was something more than friendship forming between you two from time to time. You started paying closer attention to Sunghoon’s small habits and the way he acts around you, appreciating the way he always puts your needs first and makes sure you’re always sorted first before he worries about himself. When your friends started asking about what you and Sunghoon were, you were quick to answer that you were just best friends, but you always questioned why they would ask that if you simply gave off friendship energy.

Sunghoon had everything you would look for in a partner. So why were you rejecting him? You never even calculated the possibility of him liking you back, and the sole idea of it made heat rush to your ears. For whatever reason it seemed so impossible to you that Sunghoon could hold similar feelings for you that you blatantly rejected any chance of you two getting into a relationship, pushing your feelings aside in the process. It annoyed you that your friends kept pushing you towards each other when it was clear as day to you that Sunghoon didn’t feel the same. For your own sanity, you couldn’t accept anything else.

It's been over two weeks since Sunghoon confessed to you. And ever since then, you two didn’t talk to each other at all. It was the longest time you went without texting, calling and seeing each other. And you hated every bit of it. You missed Sunghoon like crazy, not talking to him felt like torture.

“You wouldn’t survive without Sunghoon.“

You hated how your friend was right. But you couldn’t bring yourself to text or call him, let alone appear at his house. He was probably hoping for you to reach out because he didn’t contact you either. To be fair, it was your turn after you ran away from him like that. But to put it simply, you had no clue how to address this situation.

You had spent the last couple of days rereading your text messages, smiling at all the fond memories you made and the stupid memes you constantly shared with each other. It made your heart ache for him even more and you started being angry at him for ruining a perfectly fine friendship. Things should have just stayed the way they were and the fact that everything was different now bothered you to no end.

Apart from missing Sunghoon, you also felt incredibly bored. With Yunjin and Heeseung being out of the country, your closest friends were all unavailable and all you did was lay in bed all day and reminiscence old times. You wondered how this shift in Sunghoon and your relationship would affect the whole friend group dynamic. Did you just doom more than one friendship?

Your boredom got to the point where you considered texting friends you rarely hang out with out of pure desperation. However, you didn’t manage to send out the text messages you had written and rewritten several times. You felt like you sounded too eager and decided to just continue decaying in your room, hoping that Sunghoon will find the courage to reach out to you first.

When you felt your phone vibrate next to you, you have never been so fast to check who messaged you, obviously hoping that your and Sunghoon’s telepathy had worked once again and he was the one to reach out. When you were met with a notification from Ningning, you were slightly disappointed, to say the least. Nevertheless, you opened her message.

Ningning~: Hey Y/N! I haven’t heard from you in a while so I wanted to reach out again. How is your summer break? Are you in town? I wanted to ask if you would like to join me tomorrow. There’s a party hosted by Yeonjun and I thought maybe you’d like to come too! Just let me know xx

You sighed. You really weren’t in the mood to party. But you were also dying of boredom, so should you just ignore the offer you got at being less lonely and having some fun? Maybe it can distract you from this whole Sunghoon situation. Alcohol was always a good way to drown your feelings, right? Wrong, but who cares.

You: Hey Ning, thanks for reaching out! I’d love to go! Just text me the details and I’ll be there x

You cringed. It didn’t sound like you at all. You hoped she wouldn’t notice and ask what’s wrong because you only wanted to talk to Yunjin about this at the moment. You considered calling her, but she already announced on the first day of her trip that the internet is really bad and she probably won’t be able to call or text much. Great.

To your surprise, Ningning didn’t notice your strange demeanor, texted you all the important information and before you knew it, you were standing in front of Choi Yeonjun’s apartment. You took the chance to actually style yourself for once, usually being too lazy to put in any effort to look good during the summer break. It did give you a boost of confidence, but you still weren’t sure if the party was a good idea.

And you realized it definitely wasn’t a good idea when you entered the apartment and the first thing you saw was Park Sunghoon standing at the other end of the hallway talking to a friend. As if he had a radar for you, he immediately locked eyes with you from across the hallway. You couldn’t read his expression but noticed how you stared at each other for a solid five seconds. Your skin burned under his gaze and you couldn’t hold eye contact any longer, quickly disappearing from his sight into another room. Ningning was quick to organize drinks for you and she did an amazing job at chatting you up, making you forget about your unplanned encounter with Sunghoon.

Of course, Sunghoon was at the party. What did you expect? He’s close with Yeonjun, and the fact that you couldn’t put two and two together before going to the party baffled you. But it was too late to run away now, and you decided to just try and ignore Sunghoon as much as possible. To your surprise, you really didn’t catch a glimpse of him for the rest of the evening. In fact, everything started to blur once Karina joined you and Ningning with a round of shots. Afterwards, you continued downing shots like no tomorrow and before you knew it, you were seriously drunk.

You did know your limit and you stopped once you noticed how close you were to feeling sick, but that didn’t change the fact that you developed some mobility problems. You decided to sit down in the living room, but the moment your body met the sofa you started dissociating. With no idea how much time had passed since you plopped yourself on Yeonjun’s sofa, you were only pulled out of your trance when you were met with four pairs of eyes in front of you. Your vision was blurry and when you tried your best to make out who it was, you regretted it.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Sunghoon asked, a worried expression painting his face. Ningning was next to him, she probably called him over because she didn’t know what to do. You blinked at him several times before you carefully picked your words, trying not to sound too drunk.

“Yeah, I’m great!” you yelled over the music with a smile, so loud that the people around you took notice of your state as well. Sunghoon sighed, he really wasn’t in the best state either, but he immediately sobered up a bit once Ningning asked for his help to get you home.

“Let me take you home, okay? Come on.” He reached out his hand for you and you had to focus really hard to be able to take it. Once you stood up you started swaying, noticing again just how much alcohol was in your system. Sunghoon detected your difficulty to simply stand straight as well, holding your lower arm to keep you from tipping over. He gently guided you to the door, mumbling something about how walking might be better for you to sober up.

The moment you went outside you took notice of the brisk air. It cooled down a lot and you were surprised how much it smelled like rain without actually having rained. You took a deep breath which helped you follow Sunghoon who kept a close eye on you. Whenever you were dangerously close to tripping, he would hold your arm to steady you and you quietly thanked him every time.

It was a long walk, and you didn’t exchange a word. However, it seemed to be a comfortable silence. You could feel tension between you two, but you knew that you weren’t in the right mind to discuss the depths of your relationship now. Yet, you wanted to test the water and whether there was bad blood between you two.

You decided to purposefully bump into him and when he looked at you in confusion, you just smiled playfully at him. It didn’t take him 2 seconds to reciprocate your smile and bump into you as a form of revenge. To his surprise, you still lost your balance faster than expected and almost landed face first on the ground. Sunghoon was quick to catch you and couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Oh God, sorry!” he let out a breathy laugh and you couldn’t help but laugh with him, shaking your head to signal him it’s okay.

With a more lighthearted atmosphere you continued your descent to your home. It didn’t take you long to feel the cold air biting at your skin and with goosebumps grazing your body you confessed to Sunghoon that you felt cold. Unfortunately, Sunghoon didn’t bring a jacket with him either. Because his house was closer to Yeonjun’s apartment than yours, he offered to take you in for the night. Considering the tension between you, you were caught off guard by his offer, but accepted it nevertheless.

Once you made it to his house you rushed inside quickly. Sunghoon was home alone for the week because his parents and sister went to a holiday camp Sunghoon didn’t bother to join. You instantly felt home and realized how much you missed not only being by his side but also at his house.

“Is it okay if I shower?” you said, slightly sobered up but still a bit wobbly on your legs.

“Promise me you won’t drown?” Sunghoon asked sarcastically, there was a seriousness in his glance that told you he was only half-joking. You nodded in response and rushed to the bathroom.

When you got out of the shower you felt really hot suddenly, so Sunghoon offered to sit on the balcony for a bit. You sat down right at the edge, letting your feet dangle over it. Sunghoon joined you, not sparing you a glance but rather focusing on the clear sky above you.

You didn’t speak for a while, and you questioned whether it was a comfortable silence or not. You gulped nervously before you scraped together all the courage you had left.

“I’m sorry that I stormed out of your house the other day.”

You hoped your words didn’t sound too slurred and Sunghoon would understand it as a sincere apology and when you glanced at him you noticed how he smiled slightly, still not looking at you.

“It’s okay.”

A small smile crept up on your lips as you kept your eyes on him, examining his features. You never noticed until now just how pretty his moles are, they are a perfect addition to his face. You didn’t know if it was the alcohol in your system, but you were suddenly craving to be near him.

Even though there were unspoken words between you, you decided to shuffle closer to him and lay your head on his shoulder. He jumped slightly for a second, not expecting the sudden affection, but he relaxed under you quickly, keeping his eyes on the sky. You didn’t know how much his heart was racing, but yours was uncontrollably beating out of your chest as well. You never felt this nervous around him before and you blamed it on the alcohol and the overall tension. Your heart was beating so fast because you were scared to lose him, right?

After a while, you noticed him shifting beneath you, turning his head towards you. You did the same and only noticed then just how close your faces were to each other’s. You could feel his breath on your face and figured that it would only take a few millimeters to close the distance between you two. Suddenly you were hyper aware of his every move, noticing how his eyes flickered between your own and your lips. You ended up doing the same, taking notice of the way his lips slightly parted, letting out a nervous huff.

The tension between you felt insufferable and you didn’t know where the sudden urge to kiss him came from. Sunghoon was slowly closing the distance between you two, giving you enough time to pull away. When he noticed that you weren’t going to, he finally captured his lips with yours. The kiss was slow and cautious, as if he was afraid you would still change your mind. His soft lips grazed yours and you needed more, becoming intoxicated by his scent. When your hand went up to his neck, he took that as a sign to deepen the kiss.

You don’t know how long you’ve kissed, but you only separated to gasp for air quickly before connecting your lips once again. You never felt a bliss like this before and started exploring his mouth as if you’d have to remember it because he could disappear from your grasp at any moment. Soon enough, your hands were all over each other and you figured that the balcony wasn’t comfortable, so you moved to Sunghoon’s bed to continue your makeout session.

You situated yourself on his lap and his hands wandered to your hips straight away, keeping you in place. You felt like you weren’t close enough, so you moved forwards, brushing your clothed core against his, eliciting a small gasp from him. When you noticed how a bulge was forming underneath you, you moved again, feeling Sunghoon’s hands on your hips tightening and guiding you on his crotch. The room filled with heavy breathing and before you knew it, you were dry humping him, feeling his erection grow beneath you.

Sunghoon quickly decided to attack your jaw and kiss down your neck, moving on to your shoulder while pushing the strap of your bra and top to the side to gain better access. You whimpered slightly, feeling overwhelmed by his ministrations. His hands were exploring every curve on your body and left behind a burning sensation on every part of bare skin he touched. When he reached the hem of your shirt again, he pulled away to look at you, pushing a strand of your hair out of your face.

“Do you really want to do this?” he whispered, searching for any sign of discomfort in your eyes. Your pupils were probably as blown as his, telling him all he needed to know, but he only continued once you nodded eagerly. You never expected Sunghoon to make you feel like this, and you couldn’t stop yourself no matter how hard you tried. So with your shirt gone, the rest of your clothes was soon to follow.

The next morning, you woke up with a pounding headache, wincing slightly once you gained consciousness again. You did drink a lot, but you were still surprised how strong your hangover was. Taking notice of Sunghoon’s posters on the wall you didn’t think much, recalling how he brought you to his place because you were cold. However, when you noticed an arm around your waist, you froze. You slowly turned around to face Sunghoon, who was still dozing off next to you. Suddenly, you remembered what had happened last night. Images of you touching, exploring, feeling each other flooded your memory and your eyes almost popped out of your skull.

What did you do?! This wasn’t planned at all. You wanted to talk it out with him when the time was right and you both were sober again, not take it to the next level like this. Your breathing became uneven, and you noticed how a shiver ran down your spine.

As if on cue, Sunghoon stirred slightly, opening his eyes. When he looked at you still half-asleep, it was like he was staring at his most prized possession, and it overwhelmed you immediately.

“Good morning” he croaked out, voice still laced with sleep and a small smile playing on his lips. He closed his eyes again to stretch his body a bit, and when he finally opened his eyes fully to look at you, his expression dropped instantly. You just stared at him in shock and he felt his breath getting caught in his throat. He did not like that look at all.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, totally dreading your answer.

“What happened last night?” you asked, a question that was totally useless to ask since you already knew.

“You don’t remember?” Sunghoon questioned, noticing how his blood started running cold.

“I do, I just-“ you couldn’t find the words to express your thoughts right now. The whole situation stressed you out again, and you felt like you took advantage of Sunghoon when you both weren’t stone-cold sober.

“You didn’t enjoy it?” The moment he asked that question, you felt his touch on your skin again, the way he was holding you so carefully as if you were made out of porcelain. No matter how you twisted and turned it, you couldn’t say that you didn’t enjoy it. You did, very much in fact. But you still didn’t want it to happen, not like this.

“I- I did. It’s just… I felt like it was a mistake.” You said as you were slowly getting up, his arm that was around your side flopping down on the bed.

Hearing that sentence felt like being shot right in the chest, and Sunghoon slowly got up as well, looking at you in disbelief.

“Why would you say that?” he prompted carefully, trying to keep calm while noticing how you were collecting your jeans from the floor and squeezing yourself into them. This scene looked oddly familiar and Sunghoon started panicking.

“It shouldn’t have happened. Not like this. I’m sorry, I think I should go,” you managed to choke out, feeling like your airflow was cut off because you were so conflicted.

“Don’t do this to me. Not again.” He said, his voice becoming strict, a tone he had never used on you before.

You really didn’t want to do this to him. Not again. But something in you told you that this was a slip up, that you shouldn’t stay there, that you made a wrong decision under the influence. You didn’t know why you were so eager to get out of there, because deep down you knew this was exactly what you wanted. You craved him, now more than ever, but you manipulated yourself into thinking this wasn’t right. In your mind, you were ruining a perfectly fine friendship by hooking up with your best friend after a few shots of alcohol. You completely ignored the fact that he made the move on you again.

Ignoring his advances, you kept getting dressed, ready to leave until you were stopped by your best friend.

“Y/N, stop.” Sunghoon warned, once again using the tone you only heard him use on Yeji when she was being naughty. You gulped anxiously, turning around to face him. He stood in front of you in only his sweatpants, his milky skin glowing in the morning sun. He looked ethereal, and you hated it.

“I don’t get it. You apologized to me, craved being near me and I had the feeling you were just as into it as I was last night. And now you want to run from me again. What is going on?” he demanded an answer, and you could hear how frustrated he was. He ran a hand through his hair waiting for your response and all you could do was sigh.

“I don’t know, Sunghoon. I need time to think, okay?!” you were getting agitated because you realized you had no argument against it. Yes, you wanted this, yes you enjoyed it. And yet, you were terrified of the consequences. Of how quickly this escalated. Of how easily you managed to turn your friendship upside down.

“So I was good enough for a fuck and now you’re gonna dump me again? Is that it?” Sunghoon spat, and you were shocked at how petty he was getting. You had never witnessed him that angry before, not even with Yeji. He did rage from time to time, but never like this. And the fact that his anger was directed at you made your skin crawl.

“God, no! Don’t make conclusions like that. I just don’t want us to ruin our friendship, is it that hard to understand?!” your frustration was reflected in your raising volume, making Sunghoon flinch slightly. When you waited for Sunghoon’s reaction, you were stunned to see that he was laughing. A small chuckle escaped his lips before he clenched his jaw, looking at you with a gaze so cold it sent a shiver down your spine.

“Well, sorry to break it to you, Y/N. We already did.”

You gulped again, your shoulders that you had unconsciously raised in the heat of the argument relaxing when you smiled bitterly at him and nodded, tears blurring your vision.

“That’s too bad then.” You said in an unexpectedly calm voice before turning around and slamming the door of his room, leaving him behind just the way you did two weeks ago.

When Yunjin rang on your doorbell, she couldn’t wait to recite her trip in every detail. Apart from the beautiful cities she visited, the boys she got to know in Italy were also something to talk about. There was so much to unpack from that trip that she announced a meeting of minimum 3 hours and told you to prepare snacks and drinks.

You were happy that Yunjin was finally back, especially after everything that happened between you and Sunghoon. There has been complete radio silence once again, since you were 100% sure he was incredibly mad at you and called your friendship quits after this. At first you were weirdly okay with the situation until it hit you a few days later that you guys had ruined your year-long friendship with some drunk sex. You were still in denial about him confessing to you and you reciprocating his feelings, instead you blamed the night you two kissed and jumped to base four right after for the end of your friendship.

The worst part for you was that you felt like you couldn’t go back. Even if you admitted that this was what you craved, even if you apologized for the ways you pushed him away even though you didn’t mean it, the way the recent events unfolded made it impossible to start a healthy relationship. Everything turned so messy so quickly that you felt like you lost control of the situation and now that you might be able to regain it, it’s too late. Sunghoon looked at you with a sense of disappointment you will never forget. It haunted you at night.

So, you were glad that Yunjin was finally back because you needed a shoulder to cry on. You missed her like crazy and you hoped she had a better summer break than you did so far to distract you from your misery. But with the way she proclaimed her return, you were sure she had a lot of funny stories to share.

What Yunjin didn’t expect when you opened your apartment door was how awful you looked. Hair disheveled, eyes glassy, the bags under your eyes looking alarmingly dark. Nevertheless, she couldn’t hide her excitement.

“Girl!” she screeched, embracing you before you could take a good look at her. The hugs she gave were always extreme, but they were especially tight when you haven’t seen each other in a while. Once she separated from you and took another look at you, she knew something was wrong.

“You look terrible, what is going on?” she questioned, fixing the strands of hair that were in the wrong place. The deep sigh you let out was more than worrying to her and you could tell she was on edge immediately.

“It’s a long story, tell me about your holiday first!” you tried to chime but the exhaustion in your voice was evident. You took the bag she brought with her out of her hand and went to the living room, settling on the sofa where she joined you.

“No, my recap can wait. What’s wrong?” she was quick to clarify. Another sigh from your side. Where to begin?

“I slept with Sunghoon.” Wow. That was the worst part to begin with. Congratulations. The way Yunjin’s mouth dropped and her eyes went wide didn’t help at all.

“WHAT???” she asked in disbelief. When she realized that you weren’t joking, she threw her arms in the air.

“Fucking finally! I told you, you two were meant to be together! How was it? Is he a good kisser? How did this even happen? Oh my God I’m so excited Y/N I need to know all the details! This is so good!!” Yunjin squealed and her excitement scared the shit out of you. How were you going to explain to her that this was nothing like she wished for?

She looked at you expectantly, but you only stared at her with an apologetic look. Her excitement died down soon and she mirrored your expression, a pout forming on her lips.

“Wait, it is not good?” It was a rhetorical question, really. If it was a good thing, you wouldn’t look this miserable and instead be glowing or something. You could tell the gears in her head were turning. Suddenly her eyes were widening again and she put her hands over her mouth in shock.

“Oh my God, are you pregnant?” This actually made you chuckle. Now she was thinking way too far.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not pregnant.” You clarified, unable to hide your smile because you couldn’t believe how dramatic she was being.

“Then what is it?” she asked impatiently and you decided it might be best to start from the beginning. You recalled your last two encounters with Sunghoon, and you felt like Yunjin has never listened to you with such interest. A girl was invested.

When you finished Yunjin sighed heavily, her face dropping the more the story progressed. You had a pleading look in your eyes, begging for her advice.

“Girl, why did you make everything so complicated?” she finally asked and you were a bit appalled that she was attacking you.

“What do you mean, I did? Sunghoon started this.” You clarified, slightly offended.

“No honey, Sunghoon came clean about the feelings he’s been harboring for you for quite some time, something you’re still in denial about.” Yunjin pointed out and rightfully so. Sunghoon did what you couldn’t do: admit your feelings for him.

“But he shouldn’t have. We were totally fine and he had to make it awkward. The fact that we drunkenly slept with each other didn’t help at all.” You dropped your head in your hands. “I feel like we overstepped a line by having sex.” Yunjin was quick to shake her head.

“Y/N, you already overstepped a line when you started catching feelings for each other. I just don’t understand why you push him away like that when you like him too.” She reasoned, articulating your thoughts.

“I’m not sure if I really want this. We’ve been friends for so long, I need him by my side no matter what.” You replied, chewing on your lip nervously.

“So you’re scared that your relationship might not work out and you’ll lose him as a friend?”

“I think so. I just don’t want our friendship to be ruined over a stupid slipup. Maybe we mistake our feelings for platonic love and wouldn’t work out as a couple at all. And then we binned a totally fine friendship for no reason.” You noticed how verbalizing your worries really helped you deal with the whole situation. You debated this way too much on your own already, it was high time for another opinion.

“I get where you’re coming from. But you must view it from this perspective: You have the most important basis for a good relationship. Trust and good communication. Well, the latter until fairly recently at least. You hang out a lot and don’t get tired of each other. You can openly talk to him about everything. He’s always on your mind. There’s pretty much only the physical part missing. Which is why I need to ask if you didn’t enjoy it now that you got physically closer to him as well?”

It was like Yunjin was stating the obvious, but she helped you realize that there was not much to be afraid of. You felt safe around him and he felt safe around you and that was the most important thing. But you still were so hesitant, why?

“No, I definitely enjoyed it.” In fact, you’ve been thinking about nothing else but how soft his skin felt on yours and how pretty his lips are. And you felt like this made everything even more difficult, because there was still something keeping you from committing to him fully when there were so many indicators that you’re meant to be.

“Well then, you’re standing in your own way. I know you’re terrified that this might go wrong, but it will certainly go wrong if you don’t fix this. You both deserve to be happy. And personally, I think you’re happy if you’re together. Look what being apart from him does to you.” Yunjin pointed out, looking you up and down. You scoffed but knew she was right.

“I just don’t know how to fix it. I feel like it’s too late. He already waited too long and probably gave up on us.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. You can’t just drop someone that quickly. He’s probably struggling just as much as you.”

“You did what?!” Jake asked in shock, similar to Yunjin’s reaction.

“I confessed, and she rejected me. Twice.” Sunghoon repeated, kind of embarrassed.

“Dude, I can’t believe this. I always thought she liked you back.” Jake furrowed his brows, pondering whether he had also misinterpreted your behavior. To him, it was clear as day that you both shared a mutual romantic interest in each other but were too shy to address it. So, when Sunghoon revealed what he had done, he initially got excited.

“Yeah well, I thought so too, especially since we had sex that one night after a party and-“

“You guys had sex???”

“Jake… ugh. Yes, we did. We were both a bit drunk though.” Sunghoon reasoned but the sparkle in Jake’s eyes told him it was to no avail.

“I’m impressed, not gonna lie. You confessed and then jumped straight to base four. Did you learn from me?” Jake couldn’t help but laugh, he found that situation way too amusing for Sunghoon’s liking.

“Man, what even is base four… anyway. The point is, she said she wanted this and also admitted she enjoyed it, but she basically fled the scene the next morning and hasn’t been reaching out since. I just don’t fucking know anymore.” Sunghoon ruffled his hair in frustration and let out a deep groan. Just the thought of you leaving him behind in his room shattered his heart into a million pieces.

He just didn’t understand it. He was on cloud nine when you nodded that you wanted this too, pupils blown wide and breathing uneven. He could feel your heart pounding like crazy, similar to his own. The way you were holding him gave him all the cues he needed to claim you as his. And yet, you slipped from his embrace hours later. What could there possibly be that kept you from being with him? All the signs were there that you felt the same. Or so he thought.

“Maybe she’s scared. You’ve been friends for quite some time, I wouldn’t want to throw that away lightheartedly either just because I was horny and drunk one night.”

“But I don’t see why this wouldn’t work. We worked perfectly fine the last couple of years as friends. We literally complete each other. What more could you want?”

“It’s still commitment, Hoon. Friendships are easier to keep and end than relationships. I think Y/N wants to protect herself from possible heartbreak by keeping you in the friendzone.” Jake reasoned, and Sunghoon wondered when he became so intelligent.

“So, we’re ignoring the fact that she is breaking my heart in the process?”

“Of course not. And it’s on you how much time you give her to make a decision. Do what’s best for you. If you feel like this drains you more than you could get out of it, it’s best to cut ties. You guys overstepped the line now anyway.” Sunghoon was surprised by Jake’s reply, it felt like the wisest advice he had ever given. When he told Jake about his feelings the very first time, his friend was less helpful.

Sunghoon felt like the world was caving in on him and he finally needed to break out of his shell, finally confide in someone what has been bothering him lately. Whenever you guys planned a meeting, he was more excited than usual to see you. And when he did, he felt butterflies in his stomach whenever you laughed. When you hugged or cuddled on the couch, he noticed how he always wanted it to last longer, for him to be even closer to you. Whenever you made a stupid joke and bickered with him, he couldn’t help but laugh, enjoying every second of being with you.

He didn’t know what was happening to him. It scared him that somehow, he wanted more from you than before. More attention, more laughter, more contact. You were on his mind 24/7. He started noticing the smallest things about you. How you changed your clothing style over time. How you did your hair a little differently, playing around with various simple but pretty hairstyles. He noticed overall how good you looked.

Sunghoon paid attention to details he never cared about before. He started complimenting you more because he felt like he needed to point out that he noticed whenever you changed something about yourself or put in that extra effort to get ready. And he was the proudest when you smiled at him and thanked him for the compliment. Though, you soon stopped taking it seriously and figured it was probably just part of your bickering.

The way his feelings for you changed confused him and after a while of dealing with it himself, he finally needed another opinion. When he called Jake to ask if he could come over because he needed help, the latter was surprised, to say the least. Sunghoon rarely talked about his worries, and when he did, he talked about them with you and not Jake. So, what could it possibly be that made him choose Jake over you?

Oh yeah, well, that. Once Sunghoon laid out to Jake how he certainly noticed something shifted whenever he is with you he could only but chuckle, leaving Sunghoon with a perplexed stare.

“Nice bro, you finally noticed? You’re pretty much the last one to do so.”

“What do you mean?” Sunghoon asked, confusion written all over his face. Jake couldn’t help but giggle and shake his head at his oblivious friend.

Basically everyone had noticed how you two got a lot closer suddenly, which caused rumors to start spreading that you secretly started dating. Jake and Jay even had a bet going who asked the other out first and he couldn’t wait for Sunghoon to confess that he was in fact dating you.

Everyone had noticed. Everyone but you two.

“You got to be kidding me. You so obviously like her, it wasn’t necessarily hard to spot.” Jake pointed out, which made Sunghoon’s eyes grow big. He gulped nervously, unconsciously playing with the hem of his shirt.

“Do you think she knows too?” Sunghoon asked, his brows knit together. What if you knew and chose to ignore it? Talking to Jake made Sunghoon realize that the shift in his behavior around you correlated with a shift in his feelings for you. He liked you. And he knew he was screwed before Jake could answer.

“Nah dude. She probably is just as oblivious as you.” Jake clicked his tongue nonchalantly. That somehow made Sunghoon release a breath of relief.

“What do you reckon I should do?” Sunghoon questioned. He couldn’t believe he was asking Jake, a retired but previously notorious player, for dating advice. Only Chaewon was able to get him interested in the actual dating life, but he proved miserable at that. Chaewon could handle it, fortunately, but Jake wasn’t the best person to talk about feelings. He didn’t do those until fairly recently.

“I don’t know, just wait and see what happens.” Yeah, Jake was really useless in that field.

“You’re not helping.” Sunghoon rolled his eyes in annoyance, making Jake raise his hands in defense.

“Bro, what do you want me to say? Confess and run into a disaster because chances are she doesn’t like you back? I personally think it’s mutual by the way she behaves, but who am I to judge.” He reasoned and Sunghoon nodded understandingly.

He had no choice but to observe your behavior from now on to find any clue whether you like him too. Jake was absolute garbage at giving advice, but Sunghoon decided to cut him some slack this time since it actually seemed the right thing to do. Damn, what has Chaewon done to him?

Sunghoon answered the same back then as he did now.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

16 new messages in squaaaaad

Chaewonie ❤️: Guys, we haven’t had a cinema night in ages and they switched up the screening offer at our trusted cinema! How about dinner together with a cinema night as a squad now that we’ve all returned?

Hee Hee (seung): only if you promise not to make out with Jake three minutes into the movie

Ikeu: rude???

Ikeu: anyway, I’m in!

Meme Queen 😎: of course you are.

Ikeu: what’s with the disrespect today

Jjongsaeng: count me in too! dinner at our usual ahjumma? <3

Chaewonie ❤️: Obviously, I’ve been craving her Jjamppong the last few days!

DDEONU: I’m in too! so dinner’s on chaewon then?

Chaewonie ❤️: Dream about it Sunoo

Zuhaaa: count me in too

DDEONU: just checked the screenings, let’s go watch the new barbie movie!!

Hee Hee (seung): I changed my mind I won’t go

DDEONU: 😒

Meme Queen 😎: I’m in too by the way and I’m not a whiny little bitch like Heeseung so Barbie is fine

Hee Hee (seung) left the group chat

Meme Queen 😎: exactly what I’m talking ‘bout

You couldn’t help but chuckle at your stupid friends. Yunjin, who had her head in your lap, was similarly laughing at the text messages, especially when she added Heeseung back to the group chat and he started whining even more.

“Aren’t you going to write anything?” Yunjin prompted without looking at you.

“I don’t know if I’m going.” You admitted shyly, biting your lip. That made Yunjin turn her head to look at you with a raised eyebrow.

“Girl, don’t even think about cancelling.” She warned. You exhaled, throwing your phone away and running both hands over your face.

“Look, I just don’t want to make it awkward if Sunghoon is there.” You tried to explain, but Yunjin wasn’t buying it at all.

“Nah babe, we’re not doing that. Don’t destroy our friendship group because of something like that. Plus, it could be an opportunity to talk things out with Sunghoon.”

“If he joins.” You said absentmindedly. Yunjin clicked her tongue.

“And if he doesn’t then that’s on him and we’re going to have fun without him. But don’t ruin fun for yourself because he might be there. I know you want to go.” Ugh, you hated that Yunjin was (almost) always right.

“Fine.” You groaned.

Meme Queen 😎: I’m dragging Y/N along too

You cringed at the way Yunjin put it, but she wasn’t completely wrong. You weren’t too excited to go, because you had a bad feeling this could turn ugly if Sunghoon was to show up as well. Yes, it was a squad meeting, but you still had no idea how to act around him, let alone how he would act around you. Additionally, not everyone knew what went down. Yunjin had briefly updated Heeseung without too many details and you guessed Sunghoon might have told Jake, but other than that, no one was aware of the recent events. How awkward would that get?

Quite awkward. Sunghoon had announced that he would be coming as well, and since Yunjin already told everyone that you would be there too you had no way to back out of it. You persisted that you would show up together with Heeseung, too afraid that you might be the first to arrive and Sunghoon being second or the other way around.

To your surprise, Sunghoon was one of the last to arrive, very unlike him since he was always over-punctual. When you exchanged glances, a shiver ran down your spine. You tried to decipher his look but couldn’t, it held an emotion you had never seen before. You couldn’t hold his gaze either, quickly looking at Jake to greet him.

When Kazuha arrived at last, you went inside the restaurant to finally grab a bite. You only noticed then that you were starving, instantly plopping down on the first spot you saw. Yunjin sat down to your left and Jay aimed at joining you on your right, only to retreat while mumbling something about how Sunghoon is going to sit there anyway. It wasn’t intentional, Sunghoon and you always claimed to sit next to each other and sent grim looks to everyone who tried to get in your way. But this time was different.

Sunghoon and you exchanged shaky glances, still that undecipherable look in his eyes and with a small gulp, he situates himself on the other side of the table instead of next to you. This move earned confused glances from half the group, and you simply nodded with a sad expression coating your face. So that’s what we’re doing now, you thought. Great.

Thankfully, no one commented Sunghoon’s odd move and everyone sat down instead, Jay reclaiming the spot next to you. You could feel the tension at the table, something was in the air and everyone noticed. But no one dared to speak up. Those who knew just exchanged worried glances and those who didn’t simply looked confused. There was an unusual silence at the table before Chaewon finally managed to break the silence by asking what everyone wants to eat.

You released a breath you didn’t know you were holding and the whole situation drained you from the get-go. How were you going to survive the rest of the evening after such a bumpy start? You tried not to stare at Sunghoon too much and whenever you caught a glimpse of him looking at you, you panicked and looked away instantly. Sunghoon wasn’t any better, acting quite absentminded until Jake bumped him under the table. With a demanding glance Sunghoon knew immediately what he was trying to tell him. Jake, similar to Yunjin, made it clear that no fun was cut from the evening just because of your miserable situation. Sunghoon tried his best to join the conversation, but everyone could tell that something was weird.

After a rather awkward meal you made your way to the cinema, Yunjin linking arms with you as you tried to calm your nerves. This wasn’t going to be easy. The fact that everyone noticed the tension between you and Sunghoon made you incredibly nervous and you figured that you had to talk about it sooner or later tonight.

When you reached the cinema and the mood was still off, your body acted faster than your mind. Without hesitation, you grabbed Sunghoon’s arm, who looked at you quite alarmed. With a gaze that conveyed “Can we talk?” Sunghoon quickly nodded and followed you behind the cinema. Yunjin and Jake quickly exchanged knowing yet uneasy glances when they saw you disappear behind the building.

Once you reached the backside of the cinema, you stopped in your tracks. Not noticing how you still held onto Sunghoon’s arm, only his verbal reminder brought you back to reality.

“You can let go now.” It scared you how cold he sounded. You didn’t know if it was the unusually chilly night or if his voice really lacked the warmth you were so used to. You realized that you had to face him sooner or later, back still turned to him. You knew that turning around and looking at him will most likely break you and you were right.

When you made eye contact, you kept seeing a look in his eyes that you couldn’t decode. You usually could guess his opinion on things or his overall mood by how he looked at you or others, but this was different. This was a look he had never worn before, and it scared you.

And you made another dreadful realization. Shit. You hadn’t prepared this conversation at all. You had brought him here and were now at a loss of words. He looked at you expectantly, obviously waiting for you to talk first since you were the one who dragged him there in the first place. Your brain was short-circuiting, so you blurted the first thing to pop up in your mind.

“Hi.” Mentally facepalming yourself, you closed your eyes and shook your head. Sunghoon didn’t react to that at all either, waiting for you to actually articulate what you want to tell him.

“Look, we need to talk.” Is all you could choke out in nervousness, your voice betraying you by breaking in the middle of the sentence.

“We do?” Sunghoon’s question caught you off-guard and you looked at him generally confused.

“Yes, don’t you think so?” you prompted in disbelief. Sunghoon shrugged.

“Oh I did, but you don’t strike me as the person who wants to talk about this anymore after last time.” He admitted and you cringed at his words. You realized at that moment that you did know that tone of his. He used that exact tone when breaking up with Eunchae, a conversation you overheard as he wanted you nearby when it happened. It’s the voice he uses when he’s built a barrier to protect himself.

He's built a barrier. The fact that he felt like he needs to protect himself from you emotionally ripped your heart out, but then again you couldn’t blame him. Everything you did made this a justifiable response. And you were to make it worse.

“Sunghoon.” You called out to him weakly and his gaze softened for a split second upon hearing you call his name in such desperation. “I didn’t want this to happen. Not like this, believe me,” you said while taking a step towards him.

He didn’t back off, and you took that as a sign to continue.

“I never wanted to lose you as a friend, the thought of it makes me sick, and I panicked when you suddenly confessed. I didn’t know how to act so I chose to run away.” You tried to explain your point of view and he patiently waited for you to continue, as if he waited for a specific sentence.

Tell him it was a mistake to run from him. Tell him you like him too. Tell him you want this too. For some reason, you just couldn’t articulate those feelings. For some sick, twisted reason, you still weren’t sure if this is what you really felt. You still didn’t come clear about your emotions, about whether your feelings for him are platonically or romantically coded. You felt like you still needed to find out.

With one more step forward, you closed the gap between Sunghoon and yourself. Without thinking this through you took his face into your hands, connecting your lips in a swift motion. Sunghoon seemed slightly taken aback by your action but responded to the kiss nevertheless, his arms immediately wandering to your waist. However, he was quick to break the kiss, tightening his grip on your waist to put some distance between you.

“What are you doing?” he questioned in a serious, slightly disappointed tone, his brows furrowed. You looked at him with big eyes.

“I’m trying to make things right.” You said weakly, feeling extremely small under his strong gaze.

“No, you’re testing the waters.” He said and gave your hips a small push to create more distance between you. Your arms fell to your side lifelessly, tears threatening to escape.

“No.” you tried to defend but Sunghoon was able to shut you down quickly.

“Yes, Y/N. I can tell you’re still not sure about this. So stop bullshitting me.” He said it calmly but it felt like he spat those words in your face.

“I don’t-“ you tried again but he interrupted straight away.

“Listen to me. If you can’t come clean about how you feel for me then that’s on you. But stop playing with my feelings in the process. For the sake of our year-long friendship, I think we should have at least that much respect for each other.”

You were absolutely speechless. The way he delivered those words to you, you felt like he wasn’t feeling any emotion at all. It scared you that Sunghoon, who was usually very vocal and expressive, could articulate something so dryly. Only then did you realized just how much you have fucked up.

You have hurt Sunghoon so much with your indecisiveness that he completely shut you out. Backed off emotionally from you. For him to say those things so easily, it made your heart ache. You opened your mouth to speak, to protest, but there was nothing to protest about.

He was right, you played with his heart. He was nothing but honest with you and you rejected him not once, but twice. And now you thought a weak excuse and a kiss could fix it? Oh, how naïve you were.

Sunghoon saw you open your mouth to speak but he quickly shook his head.

“This conversation is over.” He announced, turning on his heels and walking away to the rest of your friends. This time, he left you behind and you started to understand how shitty it must have felt when you did it to him.

You stood there motionlessly, unable to move while trying to process what just happened. You were sure you deserved it for how you acted previously but you still didn’t know how to handle this situation. You tried your best to keep your tears in and collect yourself so you can get back to the group, but tears kept rolling down your cheeks and you sobbed quietly, hoping not to catch the attention of your friends.

In the meantime, Sunghoon made it back to the group alone, earning confused glances from the rest of your friends.

“Where’s Y/N?” Sunoo asked, brows furrowed because something was definitely off but he didn’t want to insist.

“Oh, she’s coming soon. Don’t worry.” Sunghoon said nonchalantly, but Yunjin and Heeseung exchanged concerned glances. Yunjin debated checking on you, sensing that whatever went down behind the cinema didn’t end well. She examined Sunghoon’s look, and he gazed back at her, as if challenging her. What is wrong with him? He never acted like this before.

Deep down, Sunghoon was sweating. He tried his best to act normal, to not let it get to him how absolutely gutted he left you there. But he couldn’t help himself. All the pain he experienced the last couple of days made him become petty. With Jake telling him to be careful not to hurt himself too much while waiting for you he decided it might be best to push his feelings to the back of his head.

The full ordeal was swallowing him whole. He wanted nothing but to hold you, talk to you, be with you, hear your beautiful voice through the phone, see your little frown whenever you complained about something. He missed you like crazy but he didn’t push any further after being rejected twice already.

On the one hand, Sunghoon believed he did everything right. He couldn’t go on pretending you were just friends when he has been falling for you harder the more time passed. Being honest to himself and to you was what you had unofficially promised each other and he wanted to keep that promise no matter what.

On the other hand, Sunghoon believed he did everything wrong. He caused this trouble by being selfish and pushing you towards a relationship you might not even want. You worked out fine, and one should never change a running system, right?

Wrong. He knew your friendship was doomed the first time he caught his heart skipping a beat upon seeing you, the first time he imagined what your lips would feel like on his own, the first time he hugged you for a second longer than usual because he didn’t want to let go just yet. But he hoped it wouldn’t end the way it did just now. He was pretty certain that this was it.

Even if you decided you felt the same, you probably wouldn’t come back to him after he delivered such a terrible line in the coldest tone he had ever used on anybody. He was scared of himself that he managed to treat you like this. That the harshest words he had ever spoken were directed to you

A few minutes later, you mustered up the courage to join the rest, having successfully dried your tears and calmed down enough for others to see you. When you turned the corner, you heard Sunoo scream for you in excitement, making Yunjin’s head snap towards you.

“Y/N! There you are, finally. Come on guys, let’s go or we’ll miss the first few minutes!”

You were quick to shoot him a smile, trying your best to hide the fact you just finished crying and had to control yourself not to burst out in tears again. Yunjin was immediately able to uncover your mask and shot Sunghoon another look, trying to piece together what might have happened back there.

“Are you okay?” she asked quietly enough for only you to hear, and you were fast to brush her off by nodding, but she didn’t buy it. You shot her a look that she shouldn’t persist and she got the memo, following you inside without prompting another question.

When Sunoo finished buying all the tickets and wanted to hand them out in seat order, he hesitated for a moment, not knowing whether he should put Sunghoon and you next to each other after he already refused to sit next to you during dinner. Noticing the stiff air between you (which really wasn’t hard to do), he decided against it and instead sat you next to Kazuha and Heeseung.

By now, no one in your friend group was unaware of the fact that Sunghoon and you were fighting, but no one dared to ask and interfere. Nevertheless, every time someone looked at you, they shot you apologetic glances and you swore you needed to get out of there. You really weren’t in the mood to watch a movie now, especially not a bubbly one like Barbie.

When you plopped down in your seat, you didn’t even bother shooting Sunghoon a glance as he passed you to sit further down the row. Heeseung sat next to you, whispering something about that you can leave if you feel uncomfortable, but you just ignored him. At the moment, your mind was blank and you just wanted the evening to end. You prayed to the gods that the movie will make you forget at least for a short while how heartbroken you are.

It seemed to work for the first half, however as the movie progressed you noticed how you replayed the conversation between Sunghoon and you in your mind endlessly. You couldn’t help but let one tear after another roll down your cheek, trying your best not to gain attention by sobbing. You sniffed as silently as you could but Heeseung noticed nevertheless.

And so did Sunghoon. When he looked over to you and saw you crying, he felt a sting in his heart. He really tried not to cry alongside with you, but the view he had of you not being able to control your tears ruined him. He tried hard to focus on the movie, noticing how Jake was studying his behavior next to him. Sunghoon chose to ignore it for his own sake. Just like you, he wanted to go home as quickly as possible.

Once the credits started rolling, you practically jolted from your seat to get out of the situation you were in. Of course the rest of your friend group took an eternity to get up, collect their stuff and leave the cinema. As soon as the warm summer air hit your nose, you turned around to everyone, announcing that you didn’t feel well and will leave early. Without bothering to wait for a response you turned on your heels, practically running away from the group, leaving a worried Yunjin and Heeseung behind.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t just postpone the road trip until you figure things out?” Yunjin asked warily, wanting to make sure you really meant what you just told her.

“No way. Y’all waited so long for this! It’s our ritual as well. Please go, I just won’t join.” You clarified. You figured that after the cinema disaster, Sunghoon and you shouldn’t be in the same room for a while, not only for your own sakes, but also because it made the whole atmosphere awkward.

It was never your intention to affect your whole friend group with your problems, but here you were. You decided it was best for everyone if you were left out. You couldn’t see it since you were on the phone, but Yunjin shook her head firmly.

“And it’s also a ritual that we all go together. All of us. You included.”

“I get it, but I just don’t know how to act around Sunghoon and how he’ll act around me. I don’t want to ruin the trip for everyone.”

“Trust me, you will ruin it if you don’t come. Remember when Heeseung and Kazuha had a quick fling? The friend group didn’t break because of that either. Just act normal around him and you’ll be fine. You’re adults after all. I know you were so excited for the road trip, please don’t let that ruin the fun.” Yunjin tried to argue.

She felt slightly bad because it sounded like she was forcing you, but she knew that the squad road trip was your favorite part of the summer break. She was certain that this might be therapeutic for both you and Sunghoon. No way in hell would she let it happen that one of you left the friend group. She saw it as an opportunity to at least act civil around each other when in group settings.

“I know, I’m just scared to face him. What if I break out crying?” you played the worst scenarios in your head on how everyone would be annoyed by your whiny heartbroken ass.

“Then everyone will understand. The situation isn’t easy. And it’s okay to cry.” Yunjin reasoned. After the cinema night, everyone asked each other what happened between Sunghoon and you and the story spread like wildfire. When the first pitiful message from Chaewon arrived, you knew you were done for. You felt terrible for worrying everyone and you were afraid people were going to pick sides. To your relief, no one mentioned anything and left it to you two to solve the issue.

Yunjin noticed your hesitation and she could practically hear the way you wear nervously chewing your lip, so she sighed.

“Alright, listen. If you really don’t want to go, then don’t. We’ll understand. But I personally think it wouldn’t change anything if you stayed away. Unless you want to drown in your sorrows and don’t want me there to catch your tears. If you regret your decision it’s not my fault, just saying!”

You chuckled at her words. She was right, if you stayed home you would probably miss all of them and regret missing out on the fun. You promised yourself that you would try your best to act as normally as possible around Sunghoon. Still, the fact that you had to see him again scared you shitless.

Reflecting over the past few days made you come to the conclusion that you were incredibly stupid to deny him like that. You were angry at yourself that you couldn’t just admit that you liked him as much as he liked you. And even when you had another chance at making things right, you were still insecure whether it would be the right decision.

And now that you’re clear about your intentions, it was too late. Sunghoon ended the last conversation and you felt like it was final. There was no fixing now and no going back. So, you had to live with the fact that you ruined a potential relationship with your best friend who you had caught feelings for months ago. And no matter how you put it, it was a hard pill to swallow.

Little did you know that Sunghoon also regretted his decision. He came to realize that he might have been too harsh to you, that he reacted out of emotion and not reason. Sunghoon had never felt this strongly for anyone and it scared him, so he naturally thought he had to protect himself from potential heartbreak just like you tried prior. Guess you two were more similar than expected.

The more he thought about it, the more he understood where you were coming from. It was incredibly unfair how you treated him, but he started relating to it as he was going through a similar process now. Both of you made mistakes and both of you could have done better. What mattered now is how to fix it. And to say Sunghoon was terrified about his next steps was an understatement.

A couple of days later, you were all set and ready to go on the long-awaited road trip. You went over some requests with Yunjin, for example that you’d rather drive in a different car than Sunghoon so you won’t be stuck with him in a close space for hours. If you were in different cars, it would most likely be more comfortable for everyone involved, and Yunjin agreed.

You managed to squeeze yourself in the same car as Jay, who was driving, Heeseung, Kazuha and Chaewon. You were glad that you managed to get in Jay’s car because you believed him to be a better driver than Jake. Plus, Heeseung’s road trip playlist almost hit different, so you were in for a fun (and loud) ride.

Four hours passed by in a flash and you only realized that you arrived when Jay turned into the parking lot. Fortunately, the atmosphere in the car was lighthearted and you thanked yourself for making the decision to put yourself and Sunghoon in separate cars.

You also told Yunjin that you weren’t going to sleep in the same cabin as well, since that’s awkward. She respected that, assigning the cabins by gender anyway which earned groans from Chaewon and Jake who wanted to share one.

“You’re kidding right? The cabin is meant for 3 to 4 people, ain’t no way you’re going to do any nasty shit in there.” Yunjin scolded, earning a chuckle from the rest of the group.

“We were just going to cuddle, calm down.” Chaewon defended with a glare and Yunjin scoffed.

“Yeah sure, like last year?” Yunjin laughed and both Chaewon and Jake turned red, exchanging guilty looks. You couldn’t help but snort, catching everyone’s attention including Sunghoon’s. It was the first time you exchanged glances that day and you instantly felt goosebumps rise up your skin.

Was he always that handsome? You had a feeling Sunghoon looked even better than usual, or you were imagining things because you had been idolizing him the past couple of days. The more you contemplated your friendship, the more you realized how perfect he was. Seeing him now just confirmed your theories. You had been absolutely blind the last couple of months.

You gulped and quickly looked away, unable to catch the small smile that was playing on Sunghoon’s lips. He loved seeing you have fun and hearing you chuckle made his heart swell. Sunghoon realized he’s been so stupidly in love with you that there was no way he wasn’t trying to fix whatever you had ruined. He just didn’t know how he was to do that.

Once you dropped your stuff inside the cabin, half of your group went straight to the beach. Yunjin caught up with you and bumped your shoulder playfully, making you laugh. Even though you still felt down because of the whole situation with your best friend, you were really excited and relieved that you decided to go on the road trip. The beach and the scent of salt water instantly gave you serotonin and the karaoke session you had in the car raised your mood as well.

“How was the car ride? Ours was pretty boring, everyone slept half of the time and I don’t think Sunghoon has said a single thing the entire ride.” Yunjin recited and hearing his name made your heart skip a beat. As if on cue, Sunghoon was running past you to catch up with Jake, sparing you a quick glance. You didn’t know how to react, so you simply turned to Yunjin furrowing your brows in question.

Sunghoon always claimed himself to be an introvert, but you knew that especially in your friend group, he was glowing and more talkative than ever. The fact that he was quiet, even today, worried you. Yunjin could tell by the way you bit your lip that you were contemplating something.

“Will you try and talk to him?”

“I don’t know yet.”

Your attention quickly shifted towards Heeseung who was picking up Chaewon like it was nothing, running with her to the sea and throwing her into the water despite her obvious protests. She screeched in panic and when she got out of the water, she scowled at him.

“Oh, you wanna get fucked up.” She announced, fixing him with a challenging look and you could see Heeseung’s eyes turning wide before she lounges herself at him. He was quick to dodge her attack, running away as fast as he can despite the water inevitably slowing him down. When he locked eyes with you, it was like he locked in a new target.

The glint in Heeseung’s eyes scared you and the moment he approached you, you felt your heart sink into your stomach. Before you could object he was next to you, grabbing you by the hip and throwing you over his shoulder.

“You’re next.” He giggled and ignored the way you slapped his back and screamed for him to let you go. Unable to prepare yourself in time, you were suddenly being met with the cold ocean water engulfing your body. When you broke through the surface, you couldn’t help but burst out in laughter, a sound Sunghoon missed so dearly that when he took notice, his heart fluttered.

Even more laughter erupted from you when Chaewon kept her promise and surprised Heeseung from behind, pushing him underwater as well. The antics continued until you rescued yourself to the shore, Yunjin promptly throwing a towel your way. Jake was quick to catch Sunghoon’s longing gaze for you but decided not to blurt a stupid comment, instead smiling at the pining of his friend.

Once you settled down on the beach you stripped out of the shirt that you initially planned to keep dry, but Heeseung destroyed those plans. While wringing out the access water from the shirt, you observed how Sunghoon and Jake stripped out of their shirts as well, ready to join your other friends in the water. Upon seeing Sunghoon’s toned abdomen, you were instantly reminded of the night you shared together. It made your stomach twist knowing you could have had all this to yourself and let it slip from your grasp.

“Okay, now you’re just blatantly staring.” Yunjin commented with a click of her tongue and a chuckle, following your gaze. You were glad that the temperatures made your face blush already so Yunjin couldn’t detect the heat climbing up your cheeks.

When Jake noticed your fixated gaze on Sunghoon, he quickly whispered something to the latter, making him turn around in an instant to lock eyes with you. Your eyes widened immediately and you tried to be nonchalant about it, looking away quickly. Both guys smirked at that, making Jake lean into Sunghoon once more.

“What is that? You guys are acting like two teenagers going through puberty who are obviously crushing on each other but too shy to strike up conversation.” He pointed out and Sunghoon let out a deep, long sigh. If only it was that easy, he thought.

After you tired yourselves out in the water, you decided for a cliché bonfire to end the night. Sunghoon plopped himself down at the other end of the bonfire opposite from you, the flames almost swallowing your view on him. You didn’t know if he did that on purpose, but you couldn’t help and steal glances from each other whenever you were roasting marshmallows. This didn’t go unnoticed by anyone and Sunoo ended up judging you hard for constantly shooting heart eyes at each other from afar.

You actually hadn’t talked all day, it was silent pining from both sides and it made your friends go absolutely crazy. Could you finally get it over with?

Unfortunately, the pining continued the next couple of days, neither of you ready to approach the other. It was frustrating you, to say the least. You figured that it was his turn to come to you after he ended the conversation the last time. Additionally, you didn’t want to embarrass yourself again like you did at the cinema.

You couldn’t pinpoint the atmosphere between you two, it seemed somewhat stiff yet not as terrible as it was during the cinema night. Anyone could tell that you both reflected on your behaviors and had a different mindset from before, so it was just as frustrating for your friends to notice your constant pining. Sunoo judged even harder than usual.

Yunjin tried to talk some sense into you, but you swiftly refused to make the first step. She ruffled her hair in frustration while washing her face to get ready for bed.

“Y/N please. Put your pride aside for once, this isn’t going anywhere.” She nagged in a way that reminded you of a typical Korean ahjumma.

“Y/N I have to agree with Yunjin for once. This is absolutely nerve-wrecking for all sides.” Chaewon added, turning around in her chair and interrupting her skincare routine.

You groaned. Couldn’t they let you deal with that alone? The situation was hard enough as is, it didn’t help that eight people kept track of your every move on top of it.

In the cabin next to yours, the boys were similarly pushy towards Sunghoon, earning annoyed glances from him. Like you, it annoyed him how everyone was observing and waiting for one of you to make a move. He wanted to figure this out with you alone, not while a whole group of people was watching.

That night, the constant nagging from your friends made you spiral into overthinking everything again. You dissected your conversations with Sunghoon once more, not able to get a wink of sleep or even feel tired. The whole ordeal stressed you out to the point where you needed to let go a bit. Not wanting to bother your cabinmates, you snuck outside, making your way to the pier to sit down and watch the moon a bit. The warm breeze that tickled your nose made you inhale deeply.

Such a beautiful vacation that is troubled by Sunghoon and my relationship, you thought. You really made it difficult for yourselves. This could have been so easy and yet you chose to do it the hard way. You still wondered why your head blocked you from telling Sunghoon what your heart wanted all this time. Why it took you so long to let those feelings take over. Why it was met with so much denial from your end in the first place.

You were now more sure than ever that you wanted to have Sunghoon by your side. The thought of having to continue life without him scared you to bits and you hoped you would never have to experience the reality of it, even though there was still a possibility he wouldn’t let you in anymore.

The more you thought about it, the more overwhelmed you became. A single tear ran down your cheek, quickly followed by another until you were silently sobbing into nothingness, the vision of the moon in front of you becoming blurry.

The sound of footsteps approaching snapped you out of your daze and you quickly wiped your tears, thinking it was one of the lifeguards scolding you for being on the pier so late. You were about to utter a half-assed apology when you turned around only to be met with Sunghoon standing a few feet away from you on the pier.

Sunghoon couldn’t doze off either, staring at the ceiling when he picked up a shuffling sound outside. He silently got up, making sure not to wake the others, and went over to the window only to see you emerge on a journey to the pier. He didn’t know what came over him, but his feet moved on their own and before he knew it, he was at the pier too.

It felt like everything froze for a moment when you locked eyes, a concern shading his gaze that made you shiver. You didn’t know what to say, your heartbeat picking up from his mere presence. You never noticed the effect he had on you until this trip.

“I’ve never liked to see you cry.” He said softly, almost as if he was pitying you, but you knew how he meant it. You sniffed in response, turning around since you suddenly felt hyperaware about how ugly you must have looked right at that moment.

The wood creaked underneath Sunghoon when he approached you, slow and cautious as if he was afraid you would freak out otherwise. When he stood right behind you, he contemplated his next move, biting his lip nervously. Just like you, he hadn’t thought this through. Suddenly standing in front of you overwhelmed him, and he needed a moment to calculate his next move.

“May I?” he suddenly asked, pointing at the spot next to you. You didn’t dare look at him now that he was so close, so you simply nodded. From the corner of your eye you could make out how he was sitting down. Scared to make eye contact you focused intently on the clouds forming above you.

Silence engulfed you and the only sound you could make out is that of the waves crashing at the poles of the pier. You didn’t know how to strike conversation and he seemed similarly in thought of how to carry on. Suddenly you wondered if he wasn’t saying much because he was still mad at you, and the thought alone made you anxious. You sighed heavily, being overly curious all of a sudden.

“Will you ever not be mad at me anymore?” you spoke up carefully, afraid that this question alone will make him snap. He turned out to be very calm, though. You didn’t know if that soothed your nerves or freaked you out even more. Sunghoon had the faintest of smiles playing on his lips.

“I’m not mad at you. I was disappointed and confused because I couldn’t figure you out.” He explained, making you scoff.

“I couldn’t even figure myself out, how were you supposed to?” you turned to him with curved eyebrows, and it was the first time on the trip that you saw him this close. The look in his eyes held something you couldn’t quite pin down again, but this time, it was much softer. It calmed you down, sending an exciting shiver down your spine.

His smile grew upon your rhetorical question and you swore he never looked better. You loved seeing him smile, seeing those dimples forming. You couldn’t help but mirror his expression, silently exchanging words you didn’t dare to speak out loud. You noticed how this situation calmed you down and made you incredibly nervous at the same time. You didn’t know where this was going.

Your smile dropped suddenly, and so did Sunghoon’s. He furrowed his brows softly, and you wished to flatten the crease forming between his eyebrows. Anxiety glossed over your eyes and you decided to be honest with him.

“I’m scared, Sunghoon.” He nodded understandingly and it looked like relief washed over him. For a moment he got terrified, thinking that you might turn him down once more. It wouldn’t make sense, but nothing made sense to him anymore anyway.

“I’m scared too.” He admitted, looking down at this hands that he was fidgeting agitatedly. You couldn’t describe it, but he looked tense and relaxed at the same time. Tensed because he was fearing ultimate rejection, relaxed because no matter what, your presence eased his mind.

Your mind suddenly threw you back to everything you two had been through. Several tragic exam seasons, friends of yours moving away, petty fights in the group chat over something completely stupid and reconciliations joined by tears and hugs, heartbreaks on both ends and comfort when each other’s grandparents died. You had survived so many tragedies together, so there was logically speaking no way you could not overcome this one.

Realization hit you that it was now or never. You had to tell him how you feel, honestly this time. No hiding, no beating around the bush. You forced yourself to say the words you were scared of for so long.

“I like you.”

It took Sunghoon’s head only a millisecond to snap towards you, as if he had to make sure what he heard was really what you had said. You locked eyes again and the way his gaze changed almost made your heart jump through your chest. He looked like he had finally heard the words he wanted to hear from you for such a long time. The only thing he ever wanted to hear from you.

Sunghoon was malfunctioning because now that you had finally confessed to him, he didn’t know what to do. As stupid as it sounds, because he had more than enough time, he didn’t prepare for this scenario. Not even in his daydreams did he play this scene out in his head. He had always skipped the awkward confession and jumped right into the domestic relationship stuff.

Sunghoon gulped and took a deep breath to calm his nerves. There was only one right answer, and he knew it.

“I like you too.”  

The sparkle in your eyes didn’t go unnoticed by Sunghoon when he uttered those words again, the words that had left a bitter taste in your mouth when he rushed them out for the first time. But now all your stomach could do is hurt from all the butterflies, the look in your eyes finally reciprocating those of the boy in front of you.

You sit there for a moment, basking in each other’s presence and slowly coming to terms with the fact that you were on the same page about this after all. You were scared that Sunghoon will never want to speak to you again, and right now you couldn’t be happier that he decided to approach you one more time, giving you the chance to rebuild your relationship on a different level.

After a while of staring at each other and taking in each other’s confession, you couldn’t help but burst out into laughter together. This whole ordeal was so stupidly romantic despite the bumpy start and you had a hard time trying to contain your amusement.

“We should have done this the first time already.” You admitted, shaking your head at the painful memory of Sunghoon scaring you away with his revelation. Sunghoon couldn’t help but raise his brows at you in disbelief.

“Yeah? Well, whose fault was that?” he challenged and guilt glossed over your face, your lips forming a pout. The boyish grin he was wearing only grew wider.

“Stop blaming me, I know I fucked up.” You acknowledged, dropping your head in shame. Sunghoon was quick to shoot a hand under your chin, making you look up at him again.

“We both did. It’s fine.” He reassured with a smile, and you could only do so much as copy it. Silence took over once again, his hand slowly dropping from under your chin, landing on your own. You noticed that Sunghoon was pondering over something, and the mischievous smirk that was forming didn’t help.

You threw your head back in agony. He was getting playful again and you hated loved it.

“Oh boy, what is it now?” you were careful to ask, not sure if you really wanted to know what was on his mind right now. Sunghoon cleared his throat.

“You know, I just think it’s funny that you told me to get laid and then turned out to be the person to do it shortly after.”

Yep, you didn’t want to know what was on his mind. He chuckled and your face ran pale upon hearing him. You groaned in frustration, hiding your face in your hands in embarrassment. Your shy reaction made Sunghoon laugh even harder, throwing his head back in his usual manner and he couldn’t help but tease you a bit since he hadn’t done it in a while. Seeing your agitated look was enough to satisfy him.

You were so immersed that you didn’t notice the wind picking up speed and the clouds thickening. Only when an especially strong breeze almost swept you from the pier did you realize that a storm was coming.

“I think we should go.” Sunghoon nodded in agreement and the moment you got up, you felt the first drop of rain hit your face.

It wasn’t the last one for sure and before you knew it, it was pouring. You quickly came to the conclusion that running to the cabins would be too far, so you opted for the little lifeguard hut near the beach instead. The cold rain hitting you made your legs carry you to the hut even faster, unconsciously intertwining Sunghoon’s hand with yours.

You yelped a little when he pushed you forward, motioning you to hurry up since the rain was hitting you at high speed now. Whatever you expected from tonight, it was not going to bed soaking wet. But it also wasn’t Sunghoon and you to reconcile. You win some, you lose some.

After what felt like an eternity, you finally reached the small veranda in front of the hut. Thankful that the porch had a canopy, you breathed heavily and relaxed against the walls of the house. You glanced at Sunghoon and noticed that he was completely drenched from head to toe. Much to your dismay, you realized that you were just as soaked. But the moment you caught each other’s eyes, you couldn’t help but giggle again.

The hopeless romantic in you couldn’t be happier right now. You watched as the rain only poured harder, so you had no choice but to stay under the canopy for a while.

You noticed Sunghoon was struggling with his hair, one strand always falling into his eyes no matter how many times he tried to push it back. You couldn’t help yourself, your hand shooting up towards his face to fix it.

“Here, let me.” You said, fully turning to him while he did the same. Instead of fixing it, you ruffled his hair even more, causing several strands to drop in front of his eyes. Despite the hair covering his eyes, you could feel the unimpressed look he probably gave you. You snickered and proceeded to actually fix his hair this time.

Once you finished tugging his hair back, you noticed how much he was staring at you. You slowly retracted your hand from his hair, trying to decipher his look. Nothing but love, you concluded, and it was confirmed once he opened his mouth to speak.

“I really want to kiss you right now.”

Your heart hammered in your chest at his words. The longing in his eyes almost made you faint and without a second thought, you pushed yourself forward to connect your lips. It took you only a second to melt into him, lips moving like they had always belonged together. Sunghoon’s hands were quick to find your waist again while yours wandered around his neck.

“Closer.” He whispered against your lips, pulling you towards him by your waist, close not being close enough as his lips worked wonders against your own. You were trying to lean back to catch your breath, but Sunghoon didn’t let you, chasing after your lips relentlessly as if he had to make up for something. Your back was arched and Sunghoon towered over you, making you feel even smaller.

You couldn’t help but let your hand wander into his hair, scratching his scalp slightly, which elicited a small gasp from him. Taking the opportunity, you let your tongue slowly dance against his own and he was quick to follow along.

Sunghoon only broke apart from you when he felt like suffocating, pressing his forehead against yours to catch his breath. You opened your eyes slowly, instantly being met with his own. You had never felt so cherished before, so adored. The moment you caught him staring at you with the most loving gaze, you couldn’t help but break out into a smile which he quickly mirrored.

Time seemed to stand still, the rain only a faint background noise as you basked in each other’s presence once again. The kiss and your gazes held so much emotion, so much you two wanted to share with each other earlier but couldn’t. But no matter how chaotic things got at the beginning of the summer, you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else at that moment.

“Do you really think we need to take pictures?” A hushed whisper could be heard from one of the cabins.

“Of course! The others wouldn’t believe us if we just told them.” Another voice responded, almost drowned out completely by the rain.

“We’re going to tease them about this to no end, are we?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

Masterlist

#enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen fluff #enhypen x reader #enhypen angst #enhypen smut #sunghoon #sunghoon scenarios #park sunghoon #sunghoon angst #sunghoon fluff #sunghoon smut #sunghoon x reader #enhypen #enhypen fanfiction #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #enhypen sunghoon

[semper-draca]

There's something so depressing about being an artist on tumblr these days that I'm finding hard to articulate. Years ago, shitty one-hour sketches I posted would at least get double digits in the notes. These days, I can post commissions that took over fifty hours and get 5 notes at most. Blah blah do art for yourself, sure, but the important part is -

I Rarely Get Commissions Anymore.

Where I used to have to limit how many comms I could accept at once because I'd get that many requests, now I'm lucky to get two when I open up coms again. People don't reblog the art I do for myself, so no one finds my commission info that way. People don't reblog the art I do for commissions, so no one finds my commission info that way. People don't reblog commissions posts. A couple likes will get tossed at it from people who don't actually reach out in interest, so it doesn't circulate and it's just me reblogging it into the void, desperately hoping for some modicum of cash. I feel like people don't understand these days how little money most artists are bringing in, and the anxiety that comes with drastically declining circulation of art on websites like tumblr. Right now, for example, I'm desperate to earn as much money as I can during the summer because what I earn this summer? Has to last me rent for seven months straight to help offset the inevitable drain of all the savings I have. Normally some of that would come from art - nowadays, I can't rely on getting even a single commission.

I think this anxiety and this real material concern is what is behind all those "please for the love of god reblog art/posts you like" posts that people love to get angry about. If you haven't been here for years, it can be hard to see the ways in which this vanishing reblog culture has severely hit artists and forced many away from this platform. I don't want to leave tumblr or stop posting my art here, but good god is it depressing to see this site, and I cannot stress this enough, almost COMPLETELY VANISH as a revenue stream. I don't know what the solution to this culture shift is, but I do know that it's causing this site to deteriorate and forcing artists to move elsewhere and invest less effort on tumblr because it no longer makes any financial sense. I know that everyone is tired of hearing this, and fair enough, because there are plenty of other artists with louder voices than mine saying similar things, but please, if you like some art, consider reblogging it. Even if you have no interest in ever commissioning that artist. Others might see it and be interested, and that's how most new clients are made. Artists have rent on the line.

anyway, if you've made it to the end of this rant and haven't blocked me for it lmao, I still have commissions open

#semper rants about stuff #idk yall its just exhausting and im sure im not the only one who feels this

[itneverendshere]

paradise and war zone - rafe cameron

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Summary: there's a fine life between hate, lust, and love. memories and hatred all crumbling down together into one single flame.

word count: 1.320k

WARNINGS: sexual tension; sexy ass Rafe Cameron; soft!rafe cameron (not really); asshole!rafe; enemies to lovers??; friends to enemies; this isn't an AU but rafe isn't as batshit crazy as he is in the show lmao; also I never actually write Y/N bc it pisses me off.

part ii of the one-shot serie

Anger boils in the pit of your stomach. Its arms curling around your middle, stretching out to grip your beating heart. Breathe escalating from the shadows of the candlelit ballroom where this year’s Midsummer was being held.

 You watch the one man you hate become the center of the room's attention. As he always did. 

How can they love him? How can they stand there and adore him when his conscious is bleeding black and guilty? Maybe you’re the only one who’s grown to see him for who he is. You scoff, arms remaining crossed, as you watch him, the swagger rolling off his shoulders as if the entire place belongs to him.

Which it does, anyway.

You sigh and wave your hand, demanding another cup of whatever choice of alcohol Ward had running around tonight. Soon, the song comes to a close, and the crowd disperses.

You hate that you’re watching him. Hate that you always notice him at all. Somehow, someway, Rafe is always in your line of vision. Always.

And yet, he’s always a step ahead of you. 

"You don't have to stare so hard, sweets. If you wanted to dance with me, all you had to do was ask."

A timber voice purrs in your ear. Your heart almost pierces through your throat, his voice startling you as you push yourself off the wall, straightening your back but refusing to turn around and meet his fierce blue eyes.

It’s about time you stop giving him the satisfaction of seeing just how much he can play with you. Rafe always used your momentary lapses and shows of weakness to torment you. It’s almost like he has a photographic memory when it comes to you.

 When did he move from his spot on the other side of the room? You’re not sure. Maybe if you’d stop daydreaming about ruining his life you’d notice. 

"I'm not interested in being anywhere near you, thank you very much," you hiss, pressed tightly together. You can’t help but feel everything at all once when he’s so close.

" I thought you weren’t coming." You freeze for a second, cup at your lips.

"I wasn't going to, my father made me," You grunt, more than displeased with the situation at foot.

"Hmm, that's not the truth, is it?" he accuses.

“Go to hell.”

Rafe chuckles in response, as he always does, an unsolicited hand slithers its way around your waist, the pressure of a threatening weight on you.

"Don't touch me."

"Don't tell me what to do."

"Then stop touching me," you snap, slapping his hand away before you can stop yourself. You can feel everyone staring at the two of you, nothing unusual when it comes to your interactions. They’re probably expecting a shitshow, maybe another slap like the one you gave him four summers ago.

 "Dance with me," he counters.

"Absolutely not.”

"One dance then I'll leave you alone."

"You couldn't leave me alone even if you wanted to, Rafael. I've been trying to get you to do that since we were thirteen."

You shift as you hear him chuckle again. That deep smooth rumble stroking a heat deep within. God, he’s insufferable.

He presses closer to the bare expanse of your back and right now, you really wish you’d listened to your mother’s earlier scolding about your choice of dress. The gown you’re wearing leaves your back exposed, the white fabric of the silk gown parting around your shoulders and then reconnecting at the dip of your back.

You’re a grown woman and you’d be damned if you let these old-fashioned fascists from Figure 8 dictate your life again. You always regret coming back home for the summer when your parents force you to show up all dressed up and polished, like a porcelain doll ready for sale at a toy shop.

"Please," he whispers. The word sound foreign coming from him, it feels foreign for Rafe too, alien for you to hear roll off his lips.

 He presses himself closer, resting his forehead against your shoulder. You inhale sharply. It's incredible how a single word can shatter your defenses.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

You sink your perfectly manicured hand into his with fluttering eyes that glimmer beneath the candle lights, allowing him to drag you onto the ballroom floor. Your empty cup is carried away by a waiter walking by. Hands intertwining, you slip into the music and move with him, limbs gliding across the ballroom floor. Your eyes meet blazing blue in a fiery stare of hatred and more as you dance, spinning around the polished floor.

He grabs you tighter, stronger, dragging your closer to his chest. If your ballroom teacher from your teenage years was here, she’d be fainting at the sight of you two blatantly ignoring the rules. They existed for a reason, but you and Rafe seemed to come together only to break them.

"You’re still a terrible dancer."

There he is. There is the fucking smile that drives you up the walls, his tongue pressing itself against his cheek. It makes him look even smugger and you fight the temptation to slap it away.

"I despise you,” you smirk, pearly white teeth coming out to play his game, "If I had someone to dance for, I would."

He lifts your chin up with his index finger and quirks his eyebrow.

"Hmmm, is that so? Like whom?” Rafe’s deep voice leaves butterflies in your stomach. “Your little pogue ex?"

“Careful, you sound jealous Rafael.”

His lips quirk upwards in a mocking grin. "Of what? Your terrible standards in men?”

You wonder once again how you found yourself in this position, again, moving to the sound of the violin, and with your enemy of all people. Your feet move flawlessly and effortlessly across the tiled floors. You have assured yourself, and everyone else, many times that you and Rafael are different in every sense. You could never agree on a single thing, two complete opposites.

But right there, some messed up part of you can imagine you and him being one single soul, expressing the perfect union in synchronized movements.

You tell yourself it’s because he’s been your ballroom dance partner since you were eight. Long before Rafael turned into the infamous Rafe Asshole Cameron, when he was a decent human being and a good friend.

“Because your standards in women are much better.”

A hand travels up to your chin, tilting your head upwards as in to gaze at him properly, “You’d be surprised.”

"I hate you”, but your body tells him another story. It subtly leans towards him, as if you subconsciously want to be closer to him but didn’t dare to. His hair is longer than last year, it’s ruffled, and you can see his blue eyes shining. You’re not sure if it’s fury or love. For all you know, it could be both.

"Do you? Cause you seem to do so many things that tell me otherwise,” His hand drops lower, fingertips brushing along the skin of your exposed back, “You love it." He breathes onto your skin. You feel something curdle in my stomach and shove your feelings aside.

“You just love to hear yourself talk, don't you?

His breath comes in pants as to how close you are to him. You can feel his heart practically beating out of his chest. Fuck, your heart is pounding too but you keep yourself in check. You've learned your lesson.

Stay back.

“Don’t act like you don’t enjoy my dirty talk, sweets.”

Your cheeks feel flushed "You’re holding me hostage in the middle of the ballroom.” You reach to push his hair to the side, feeling his arm shake as you do, "Stay the hell away from me, Rafael, I mean it.”

Is all you say, as you free yourself from his trap and walk away. Rafe can only do as much as stand there breathless.

______________________________________________________________

my monthly obsession is Rafe Cameron and I blame season 3 of obx. this is a one-shot based on some Spotify playlists...it might become more if I feel inspired again (doubt it).

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron au #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x female reader #rafe cameron fluff #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron angst #rafe fic #rafe fanfiction #rafe x reader #rafe imagine #rafe x you #rafe smut #rafe angst #rafe obx #rafe x y/n #obx #outer banks #obx3 #obx 3 #obx fanfiction #obx rafe cameron #outerbanks imagine #outerbanks one shot #outerbanks drabble #outerbanks blurb #Outerbanks series #rafe chapter

[gunmetal-ring]

anon again. i'm sorry that i keep coming to you with this depressing messages but you seem like one of the few sane ppl in this fandom and i appreciate your honesty.

truth is im feeling really disillusioned with hellcheer lately. we don't have a lot of "canon" content so after a while, it gets tiring going thru the same 2 scenes over and over again (especially when one of them involves chrissy's death). ive been relying on fandom but it seems like it's slowed down. fics arent updated as frequently, not a lot of new artwork.

heck, even joe and grace have moved on. joe's career is taking off. grace is leaving acting. it just feels like everything that happened last summer has come to an end :(

Aw anon thats okay. Ty for thinking of my feelings though 💓 (and also im flattered that you think im sane lmao)

Unfortunately its the way things go, especially with small ships, especially especially in a fandom as hostile as this one is. People come together and build community and share their love for characters and then g(r)o(w) their separate ways again.

But not everybody does! You and me, for example. And ive got plenty of hellcheer mutuals that seem perfectly content to draw, write, and rb their little hearts out.

I for one am absolutely astounded that theres even a fandom for hellcheer, let alone one with such talent and breadth and depth of love! Our characters had 2 scenes. Our girl was killed just as it all began. Our boy died with her name on his lips. In all likelihood we will never see them together on our screens again.

But somehow. Those ~10 minutes managed to foster an entire community of people and keep us engaged and in love w the characters for almost a year at this point! With no dangling promises or false hope or anything! Like we all know the score and we still go hard for hellcheer. Incredible.

Idk maybe it's just bc ive only had brainworms like this for 2 other ships and 1 of them is even smaller and the other one is a clusterfuck of unimaginable proportions, so im a little biased in terms of community/fandom, but im just like... idk. I think its really incredible thats all. And a testament to the very real power and truth of hellcheer 🥰

All i can say anon is that the best way to keep a fandom/ship going is engagement. Likes on tumblr and kudos on ao3 are great. But whats even better and more motivating (and i say this as a fic writer/meme shitposter so im speaking the total truth lol) is reblogs and comments. Tell people how much you love their work and how much it means to you, it goes a very long way. And on the flip side of that - stay out of the infighting. All it does is sap your mental energy and the fandom infighting bullshit is a major contributor to why people leave. The negativity and bitterness warp your perspective and make it really hard to remember what we're here for - it's not anti-st*ddie or anti-qu*nn stans or anti-anti-hellcheer or what the fuck ever. We're here for hellcheer!

Sorry my $0.02 is now $2.00 bc i ramble lol its a fatal flaw of mine. Anyway im sorry if this is annoyingly positive or dismissive but im in a strangely upbeat mood rn so there you have it

#im not getting into the whole joe/grace career stuff bc ive talked abt it a million times and i dont want to invite more bad faith anons #op #hellcheer #ask #anon

[tarasmithshifts]

𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐃𝐑 𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄: 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐃 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐅𝐓

𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐃𝐑. 4.5 months 𝐀𝐆𝐄. 26-27 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐏: timothee chalamet, jenna ortega, billie eilish, amybeth mcnulty 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓: pedro pascal, oscar isaac, emma watson, natalie portman, scarlett johansson etc.

𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐒. single :(

ＡＰＲＩＬ

well, there was a lot of going on in april :)

first: MY BIRTHDAYYYY i threw the whole party and invited the half of hollywood lmao. There was a lot of my co-stars, artists and singers. I did it like there was no tomorrow, the party was crazy, basically everyone got drunk and sang 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' like 5 times BUT IT WAS SO COOL UGHHHHH i love them all so so so fucking much. I caan't take it anymore.

I threw the party back in LA, where i was living since my hollywood debut in Ad Astra, but i was planning on moving into NYC fro like a year. SO I DID IT HAHAHAHAHHH it's so cool and i was so excited, but we will move to it later :))

What also happened: PEDRO'S BIRTHDAYYYYY my favourite (okay, he is not the only one BUT STILL) babygirl on earth turned 48 and he invited me to his party which was so COOL!!! idk how will i move on from this, i met BELLA RAMSEY (FINALLY???!?!?!? UGHHH) and met oscar isaac again (for those who don't know, he's my future s/o but it's a long slowburn lmao ✦ he was also my co-star in moon knight, but we knew each other for like a year before this series) after party he took me out to the city, we were talking and walking around LA for HOURS it was so cute he even bought me a rose literally when florist's wanted to close the shop, then we found out paparazzi took a pictures of us there 💀 they are so annoying i swear. but anyway, i had amazing night and oscar made it even better :')

Emma also had her birthday, but i couldn't show up, because of filming 'joker II' with JOAQUIN FUCKING PHEONIX I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE IT. But i sent her birtday present, which was the whole album of photos that i took on my digital camera on our summer & winter holidays - which i thought was super cute :')

April was super productive in a birthday-way as you can see, lmao

But also other super thing happened! Warner Bros. accepted my movie idea and hired me as a director of it. I'M SUPPER EXCITED TO BRING IT TO LIFE UGHHH

ＭＡＹ

talking, talking & talking about my movie and me as a director - which was super stressfull for me but everything turned out okay! I started writing the script at the end of april, so until i will write it and it gets accepted by Warner Bros. it will take a while for me to cast people :(( but still so excited for it!

and... MY DREAM ABOUT MOVING TO NYC FINALLY CAME TRUE!!!

i bought cute little flat in Manhattan, and started to plan how to move there with all my things. but you know, i didn't sell my old house - no no no. i would never do that, actually. It's the best house in the whole world duhh🙄. I will be still using it!

My friends helped me a lot with planning the whole 'mission' lmao. Shout-out to pedro he told me to move to NYC and live with rats under brooklyn bridge LOL

ANYWAYYY oscar & i met for some coffee instead of actually putting my things into huge boxes for my flat in NYC which was super cute BUT I CAN'T STAND THAT I SCRPITED THE SLOWBURN MAN.

so freaking annoying. why would i do that. AND ANGST which is also annoying

but yup, he helped me a lot, also bc he also lives in new york, so he can help me there :))

(he gives me a little flower everytime we meet, but we are still 'friends' so it should mean nothing BUT IT MEANS SOMETHING TO ME GUYS. it's super super super cute and i wanna hug him so badly, but i am not doing it bc of paparazzi, those rats are following me and oscar literally everywhere 💀)

the whole may was me writing script for a movie, shooting joker II, planning on moving out and meeting oscar just for 'helping me with this nyc thing'

ＪＵＮＥ

'Priscilla' movie with me in main role had its global premiere! I missed this vibe so so so so much, and being on the same red carpet as CILLA PRESLEY had me in tears. i think i've never been more stressed in this dr but she was sooooo kind to me like I CANNOT BELIEVE IT i will have this moment tatooed i swear to god!!!

(i hope this movie will give me an oscar nominee tbh OH WAIT I SCRIPTED IT)

i also got a 2 months break from joker II :) bc they are shooting the scenes without me, so i can finally 'rest' and get my life in new york together

well... beside that, nothing new happened. scripting, FINALLY all my things that i wanted in new york already are there, so week after the movie premiere i moved in :'))

also, i auditioned for some random (lmao) part in new kingsman movie that is in making

from funny things that happened: pedro locked himself in his car LMAO idk how did this happen but he literally called me and oscar to help him before calling the police or smth. HOW COULD YOU LOCK YOURSELF IN YOUR OWN CAR BRO this is too funny to be true. IF YOU COULD SEE OUR FACES

then we grabbed some coffee and went to central park (me and oscar of course were making fun of pedro but who wouldn't)

ＪＵＬＹ

I. STILL. DID. NOT. MOVE. ON. FROM. THIS.

my beloved billie want ME to sing with HER on her new single? LIKE WHAT

W H A T

ofc i said yes WHO WOULDN'T

this is ubelievable

i will NEVER shut up about this. we were working on this song for like the whole month, i came back from NYC to LA just to be close to her and finneas, so we would work together in one room, not online. UGHHH I CANNOT BELIEVE IT

❥•°❀°•༢

i had A HUGEEEEEEE break from my fame dr but i am back? and im SO HAPPY? i still cannot believe that i truly was there again ;'(

me in priscilla movie? WHAT

me and billie making song together? WHAT

me and oscar living in new york, so i can see him more? W H A T

#hollywood #fame dr #reality shifting #shifting #desired reality #quantum jumping #nyc #movies #singer #actress #manifesting

[strqyr]

BIG agree. ruby made herself vulnerable to her team and it backfired in the worst way, confirming every fear she'd had about opening up in the first place. the only way they can move from that point productively is for ruby to choose to seek them out again

altho i think wbyj also needs to have a Big Talk and sort some things out among themselves before reuniting

anyway, bets on yang being the most Mad at ruby? i feel like the comment abt her and blake would hit her pretty hard bc it's clearly something yang has wanted for a long time, plus i think in some ways yang still views herself as Ruby's Protector/Big Sister/etc and confronting the way Ruby's feeling would require her to confront the way she's contributed to it which. Is hard.

not yang hate btw i love her i just think it will be more interesting if wbyj is not 100% on the "oh God we fucked up how could we be so mean" train

yeah like. i wouldn't be surprised if this volume ends with all of them together getting back to remnant, but i also wouldn't be surprised if even after that ruby keeps her distance a bit more? as in, ruby is going to seek them out not necessarily bc she's 100% ready but bc it's necessary, cos like. i don't think this should be a thing that gets 'fixed' fully in three episodes. it's going to leave a Mark and that's fine, since things can't go back to way they were before; that's what got them to this point in the first place.

anyway, i am very excited to see everyone's reactions after the initial shock fades away, especially yang's. i think people are way too focused on the whole "she's a good / bad sister!!" when the point is that.. they're just.. sisters. i mean i'm the second youngest out of four, i have two older sisters and i love them very much but they have also pissed me off more times than i can count. that's just what having siblings is like; sometimes you're a good sibling and sometimes you're a bad sibling and sometimes that's intentional and sometimes it's not. that's just life. you can't be a little miss perfect all the time and always know what it is your sibling needs to hear or how to help them. sometimes you try and you fuck it up spectacularly, and if that happens, well. you think about it, figure out what went wrong, and try again if your sibling is ready to accept your help again. if they don't want it, then you respect that, too.

...where was i. oh, right, what comes to my mind is 'risk' and yang's attempted pep talk for ruby after she snaps and runs away for the first time; yang tries to cheer up ruby about her amity plan—'i was being childish' / 'you were being optimistic. look, blind optimism isn't great (lmao if this ain't what ruby has been kind of doing), but no optimism means we already lost. we need hope. we need to take risks. / 'but mine didn't work.' <- ruby pulls away from yang, who then has this look on her face before she sighs and gets up to get some distance before the talk takes a turn back to summer:

it's taking yang everything not to be frustrated at ruby's behavior and snapping back, and it still leaks through. like i don't think yang really knows how to handle ruby when she's being like this, bc ruby has always been optimistic and smiles all around; this kind of anger and frustration, the complete lack of any optimism, is new from ruby.

yang is definitely going to be concerned—they're in a strange world with unknown dangers, and on top of that neo is hunting down ruby specifically!!—but i can also see her being a little upset / annoyed / frustrated at ruby for... well, many reasons, but one of them being 'clearly she's not okay so why didn't she say anything?'

either way. interesting times ahead.

#rwby #rwby9 #rwby spoilers #ruby rose #yang xiao long #anon #ask.strqyr

[fluffypotatey]

Hello again! I hope you don't mind. What's your opinion on Azure Lion, and the Brotherhood? You said they were a toxic group, can you explain how and why? I am very dense. Also have you watched the newest Monkey King movie? What do you think of it? Are there any part of JTTW or Sun Wukong's story you'd like to see be made into a movie that doesn't get much attention? Not LMK verse of course. I'd like to see Ao Lie, the White Dragon Horse's story get expanded on, especially when the group encounter the Dragon family during their journey. What about you? What's your opnion on LBD's host, or Bai He as the fans are calling her? Would you like an interaction between her and SWK? Have a good month!

ok imma save your brotherhood question for last because once i start with them and swk's relationship with them, i will not stop.

anyway,

no, i haven't seen the new Monkey King movie yet T^T i hope to see it soon when i have free time, but uni's began, so i will be busy with assignments T^T goodbye summer vacation :'(

as for what jttw story i'd like to see more of? hmmmmm, idk, though tbh i am very new with any jttw interpretation (my introduction to this story was through OSP, and after seeing the sun&moon poll i decided to check out lmk), so my personal information is still small compared to the people who grew up with the many stories and variations of Journey to the West and its characters.

however, i kind of wanna say Sha Wujing/Sandy? mostly because he does seem like an interesting character (2nd strongest out of the companions if i'm remembering right), and is fairly clever with his fighting (which might be why he gets along with swk a lot). idk, it would be fun to get some background on how he acquired his skull necklace (pretty sure they were enemies of his???? or something idk) and his own motivations for redemption, not to mention he does become a Bodhisattva just like swk and Tripitaka (pretty Pigsy/Zhu Baije doesn't???), so that would be fun to touch on!

moving on now....i actually do like how the fandom just adopted :BD's host and we all affectionately call her Bai He! it's sweet and i like that we all kind of want to see her own recovery of being possessed for like months (or a year idk lmk timeline is weird and funky and no i am not annoyed-) i am a big fan of the "Macky adopts previously possessed child out of solidarity but also she latched onto him first and wouldn't let go so he's kind of stuck with her now :)" it's very fanon but, eh, i'm a sucker for "reluctant dad to protect the smol" characters (prob another reason why i love Pigsy and swk so much lmao).

ALSO, i think her interactions with swk would be so funny (for me) and awkward (for swk) because she's like "thanks for saving the world and me!" and swk like "MHM! uh yeah, sure, np kiddo" bc he did almost kill her (tho he really did try to find a way to not do that) but also Bai He might not even be mad at him for that. (maybe i want her to attempt to befriend him, but swk is just so nervous and feeling a tad guilty so he avoids her but she's a persistent little fucker, maybe i want to a lot, sue me)

idk what her role is now in the show tbh. she could be sidelined now, and we only get cameos of her (s3 ending & s4 special) for the time being just showing her slow recovery (lmk has been doing a "minor/background character development happening behind the scenes" for awhile (DBK fam) so i wouldn't be surprised if we see that with her). but it's possible that she could grow to have some role in s5 or s6 (maybe she's got some leftover LBD powers bc post-possession symptoms, maybe Mr. Hoodie Man wants to use her too bc she was such a great host for LBD, maybe she saw something plot relevant while possessed concerning MK and wants to warn him or his friend??? WHO KNOWS???)

ok.....Brotherhood™️ what are my thoughts on them......

this post is already long as is, and i have class in 30 minutes, oh boy let's go >:3

sO, let try and summarize my thoughts of them before delving in: i think that narratively, the Brotherhood are a great way for establishing who Sun Wukong was pre-jttw as well as giving us access to his history with Macky (THANK FUCKING GOD I WAS SO DESPERATE FOR THEIR BACKSTORY).

the Brotherhood is also a great way to showcase MK's growing similarities with swk and the narrative parallels the two characters have for each other. we already knew swk was trying to mentor MK is a way that was different from how swk lived his life before because, we he's shown, he really does regret his past actions, and wants MK to be a better version, believes MK can be this better version of him. and you can see him trying, but also he fails to really explain WHY his teaching methods are slow and vague sooooooo, uh oh :)

anyway, character-wise.....the Brotherhood is written to be both sympathetic and dislikable. the sympathetic aspect comes with Azure and his Cause™️ because that shows you that "wait a minute...he really did want to do good, but lost sight of it and the harm he was doing along the way." you're supposed to sympathize with him, you're supposed to feel confused about his shaky relationship with swk because "Azure only wanted to do good, yet swk ruined it" <- this is some excellent unreliable narrator shit i love about this show btw

HOWEVER! Azure is not an archetype character (lmk doesn't really do archetypes. okay, they do, BUT it's more of deconstruction of the archetype than really using an archetype, you feel me?) he is a character who is deeply flawed. he is idealistic and vain (yes, yes he is vain bc have you seen this lion????) Azure built up swk on a pedestal of what a true role model king should look like (nevermind that swk's kingdom was on a island and his subjects were just monkeys, meaning his reign was fairly small compared to Heaven, therefore more manageable BUT I DIGRESS)

basically, Azure placed so much admiration and all his ideal onto swk, who was frankly a lot younger than the celestial lion being that he would have only recently met him post-Havoc & he was only about 500-600 years old by then (maybe????), and saw the monkey more as a perfect weapon to use to defeat the Jade Emperor and start a new, "more compassionate" era.

ok, and this is just me speaking, but, Azure, honey, if you really wanted to help restart Heaven into helping out the poor humans, instead of the very flawed bureaucracy you argued against.....maybe, don't continue on with a monarchy????? idk, maybe it's the Western influence talking but Azure, if you hate the celestial lords and emperor so much, maybe create a system that DOESN'T favor the lords and emperor????? break the whole system apart and create something new???? course you didn't think that far (which was eloquently shown in the special) so i'm honestly not surprised that your mission failed so many times

anyway, the dislikable aspect! Peng is a wonderful character for this section! so, when meeting Azure, you may come to a couple conclusions: wow a pretty lion! is he trustworthy? well, he seems to really want to help out.....damn he's got quite the silvertongue there, very convincing and great orator....you seem very upset about whatever swk did to you, huh? but meeting Peng you get: ooooh pretty bird man! oh, they're kind of a bitch, aren't they? yeah, still a bitch (and depending on the viewer, bitch can be affectionate or derogatory)

but yeah, so Peng, one of Azure's brother trio who worked with him in the Celestial Court and views him as the leader of the Brotherhood rather than swk (actually, none of the brotherhood members even consider swk their leader, except Azure and maybe Macky (but that might be bc Macky does not fucking care about the brotherhood member BUT swk) bc the rest view swk as their prized weapon)

Peng is really the character that starts to make you reconsider Azure's trustworthiness because my god is this bird the most condescending and bitchiest of friends. they are that toxic friend, okay? it was because of Peng that i clocked in "oh, ok, this is high school toxicity 101, got it" lol

anyway, Peng does not really seem to care that much for...the Cause™️ like Azure and Yellow Tusk do. rather, they seem to just stick around mostly because Azure and Yellow Tusk are their brothers and that's it. i guess props for staying loyal??? but still, Peng is the character that gives us the first crack into Azure's worthy crusade because their character will resort to violence first, turns on anyone who slightly disagrees with Azure's methods (*cough cough* Mac *cough cough*) or, hm, let's say....surrenders to the Jade Emperor, is missing for 500 years, then miraculously is freed and is working with a Buddhist monk?

so yeah, uh running out of time but to sum up: Azure and the brotherhood were never really "friends" they were colleagues who though they all had a common goal to defeat Heaven but their loyalty was built on ideals and pedestals and flaky attitudes which was why Mac was never comfortable around them, why DBK stopped interacting with them after the war, and WHY swk was so easily pointed as a traitor and a villain by the Camelhead Trio.

*jazz hands* and there you go, i would say more but i have class!

#lmk #lmk analysis #lmk brotherhood #lmk sun wukong #lmk six eared macaque #lego monkie kid #asks #I HAVE 5 MINUTES FUCK #long post

[cleric4vampire]

the fear in my heart that i misclicked the 'unfollow' button because i glanced at my second monitor

I WANTYED TO SEND AN ASK NOT UNFOLLOW 😭

ahem anyways i jusst wanted to ask what you were working on i'm hungie 👀

hahahaha THE HORRORRR

thank you so much for asking this! it's always nice to talk about what's in progress because a lot of the time those things end up never seeing the light of day 👁️👄👁️

art: I'm working on an astarion thing that was supposed to be quick and then I got stuck so I moved onto writing oops! hopefully I can figure it out because it's a really juicy concept 👀 I want to say more but I shan't

after that I'm either gonna do a big act 2 thing of the party taking a short rest (aune, astarion, lae'zel, and minthara) and it's gonna be super duper cute because they'll all be sleeping except minthara who is begrudgingly keeping watch

ORRRR (and this is highly likely considering where my brain is at) I'll do a durgetash thing lmao. a ~clandestine meeting~ sort of thing with two panels - the first will be a typical meeting between the three chosen, discussing plans and such, and the second will be aune and gortash pawing each other in some dark corner right after the meeting *evil laugh*

writing: I'm supposed to be finishing a gale x lethe one-off that's 97% done but instead I've been working on. you guessed it. durgetash

jumping between 1) a short fic about pre-tadpole durgetash dynamics, and 2) a multichapter thing of durgetash first meeting each other as teenagers. a very cheesy (but also dark?) story about these two assholes getting up to no good one summer, then basically disappearing as they both go off to do their own things (mostly unaware of who the other person is); then meeting again a few years later during the "time go meet the leader of the rival cult and see if we can broker a tenuous alliance" and they're both like WTF IT'S YOU

misc: recently I've been finalizing a lot of details on various OCs and I figured it would probably be a good idea to make an OC page or something if I'm going be talking about them online. Otherwise it's WAAAY too confusing because they are growing in number 😂 but that is a very daunting task so instead I've just been going in the game to take pretty pictures lmao

(I don't keep tav!aune's saves in my game files so I had to magic mirror her from durge!aune. I was freaking out about being able to see her with freecam lol! because she's my first playthrough I didn't use mods so now my baby is looks more like herself 😭)

[achubbydumpling]

I'm not sure if you ever finished the fat camp Bucky AU, but I'm curious as to what he and Steve are up to when the next summer rolls around?

Like it's summer again and this would be about the time Bucky would be getting signed up for camp, but… he's certainly outgrown the camp by now, considering how close he was the previous summer. But just how much has he outgrown it? He has def passed 600lbs, ofc, but by how much? Now that he and Steve (assumedly) live together, are they actively fattening Bucky up? If so, he's almost certainly passed 700lbs by now, possibly more

And considering how out of shape he already was, he's only gotten worse, and heavier on top of that, so is he immobile yet? Close to it? How close, close enough that a big part of their dirty talk and foreplay is talking about how fucking fat Bucky got, how just over, what, 3 years? He gained somewhere around 300lbs, how immobility is fast approaching especially since he's so sedantary and only getting bigger?

I'm just curious as to where you were picturing them that following summer and maybe even further ahead than that! Apart of the most recent part of the AU you have posted that's one of my absolute favorite parts of the AU is the shock everyone has when they see just how fat Bucky got over quarantine, so I wonder if that would be a thing after Steve and Bucky move in together?

Oh also! Just had an idea (sorry for the long ask lmao), but what if Steve has to go back this one last summer, but Bucky can't go since he's too big, so he stays home. What if he has a new goal to get as huge as possible and surprise Steve when he gets home? So he starts making weight gain shakes and chugging heavy cream, and with how sedentary he is and all the calories he's consuming, he's hitting somewhere between 25 to 30 lbs per month, and after 3 months of this… there's a noticeable difference. After all, Bucky has gained between 70 and 90 lbs since Steve last saw him!! If he thought he struggled getting around before, he and Steve will be surprised at how much he struggles once Steve gets home!

DID YOU HACK MY TUMBLR DRAFTS?!

haha I'm joking, but that's basically what I imagined for them, we're on the same wave length, nonny

I definitely think they'd move in together, I do think Steve would still work at the camp but I imagine this is the last summer he does. Just so he can focus on his degree fully in the last semesters.

While it's tempting to say Bucky would just keep gaining, I do think 700lbs is probably the upper bounds he gets to. (Which you know is still freaking huge! even if he's what? 6' in (movie) canon)

Also like everyone's weight naturally fluctuates, but Bucky's maybe a bit more? Especially after writing that Greased Watermelon Wrestling prompt, this Bucky has been cemented in my mind as loving summer and that he loves spending time outside during the summer--in a park, on the beach, maybe little walks in the woods. Nothing too far or strenuous, it's about enjoying nature, the outside.

Meeting with friends! He's a social butterfly, he loves to hang out with people. Just chatting over a cool drink and something to snack on :D haha I lowkey have this entire idea of him and why he might've struggled particularly over lockdown and self-soothed/medicated through food?

but anyway let's actually get to that idea at the end, because I love it! him and Steve apart and Bucky decides to gain as much weight as he possibly can, it's a fun challenge, he wants to see how much he can push himself but also what Steve's reaction will be (I mean obv positive haha)

they still talk every day, maybe they have video calls too? imagine Steve going crazy because he's sure Bucky's face is looking rounder, his cheeks look so plump and his double chin has gotten bigger, hasn't it?

but Bucky is super non-commital, says "oh, maybe, I mean I haven't changed anything and I usually drop a few pounds during the summer, so don't be disappointed when you come back" while he can literally feel that he's heavier, his belly feels even more vast, reaching all of it in the shower even with a reach extender (is that the right word?) is a chore and a half but he wants to surprise Steve and it's not like the added struggle isn't hot, but sometimes he just wants to take a damn shower, you know?

anywayyy, I hope you'll enjoy Part 5 of the Fat Camp AU!

#asks #Anonymous #fat camp AU

[s3thwrit3sstuff]

There are some popular artists on here but I figured I’d add ‘em anyways. I tried to somewhat organize it for you!! Let me know which ones you liked :))

Bleu Bledsoe & Gregory Sandomirsky:

-Cafe 130

Wilbur Soot:

-Trying not to think about it

-Amazon Standing Lamp

-Eulogy

-Around the Pomegranate

-Jubilee Line

-Melatonin 130

Lovejoy:

-Call me what you like

-Portrait of a Blank Slate

-Normal People Things

VIOLENTVIRA:

-God Complex

-I don’t care

-Luka

-Tarantula Girl

The Goo Goo Dolls:

-Iris

Will Wood:

-Cotard’s solution

Laufey:

-This is how it feels (& d4vd)

-Promise

-Let you break my heart again

-A Night to Remember

IU:

-Can’t love you anymore

K.Will:

-Please don’t (I love the mv for this one)

Usher:

-You make me wanna…

-Nice & Slow

Ciara:

-Like a Boy

Brandy & Monica:

-The Boy is mine

Queen Najia:

-Medicine

-music anon 🎶<3

Music anon, I'm sorry it took a while to reply to this ask! Life has been a little hectic (T⌓T) but I finally got the time to listen (and re-listen again and again!!!) to the songs you recommended and wowowowowowow!!

Cafe 130, Bleu Bledsoe & Gregory Sandomirsky — I loved this so much??? I don't listen to a lot of music of this genre (unless you count acoustic covers, lol) but this felt so dreamy! I constantly kept thinking of two lovers dancing together, as cheesy as that sounds. Or of a character visiting some castle in a foreign land, the mysterious king in a mask being entranced by them~ The violin and guitar go so well together, dancing step in step with the other, chasing after the other!! I loved this so much!!!! IDK how many more exclamation points I can put to show it!!! ಥωಥ

Wilbur Soot —

Trying not to think about it Is it fair to say listening to this made me feel like I was in some teenage coming-of-age film and just had an explosive fight with my best friend and now I'm on the bus ride home, staring out the window and trying to keep my tears in as I watch the scenery past by. I loved his lyricism so much! This song especially feels like reading a diary and the trumpets that come in during the interlude? The vocal layering? Chefs kiss, the regret in every sentence fuels me to write angst I swear.

Amazon Standing Lamp The guitar in the beginning literally made my ears perk up, the vibes in the very beginning piqued my interest so much. The tone set itself quickly, and I loved every second of it. And the discontented (?) plucky strings with the bridge? I need it in me actually. The lyrics made me add it to my OC's playlist immediately, lmao.

Eulogy GUITAR!!! ONCE AGAIN!!! BIG SLUT FOR IT!!! Also, how does he keep writing yearning so well??? His descriptions feel like poetry in a very angry way. I must know who hurt him - is he okay? (´;︵;`) "I wish I'd be the one who's hurt indignantly, but I can see; that the only one who hurts someone is me" BWAAAAAAAHHHHHH!! UEU UEUE UEUE!!1

Around the Pomegranate "In rapid eye moves. I fall right back to you," and if I die??? Honestly, another "I'm in a coming-of-age movie" feeling song but this song feels like I'm an outcast who just met another outcast and there's a montage of us spending the summer together and running away from bullies or lame adults. Then the bridge happens and it's a montage of me eyeing my best friend with queer angst. His voice sounded so fucking emotional!!! The way the song just ends after it??? INSANE!!!

Jubilee Line Guitar strums, save me guitar strums,,,, the quiet humming in the background spooked me when I used my headphones (lol) but I love humming along to it!!! The way he blames the city for his angst? Yes, I love directing anger at inanimate objects, that's so my genre of anything. "I'm so angry at you I'm beginning to find you in everything" I LOVE IT!!! The bridge where he talks about the barriers on the tube line/rails and how they fail??? Take me, music anon, I feel like I'm gonna faint

Melatonin 130 The beep boops made me smile when I first listened to it. Also, as someone who has insomnia, this song was giving big #relatable vibes but then he added about tucking his face in someone's neck and it became a painful kinda #relatable. ALSO THE WHOLE TALK ABOUT MEDICINE AND ANXIETY??? TAKE ME AGAIN MUSIC ANON I'M GONNA FAINT!!! The bridge??? THE BRIDGE??? OUUUUEEEEEE WHAT A GOOD SONG TO CRY TO WHILE YOU'RE SMOKING IN YOUR ROOM!!! "We're all apes with a diary book and corporate reads your pages" ????

Lovejoy —

Call me what you like The shift between Wilbur Soot's guitar strums to this band made me snort. I personally love pathetic yearning, like yes, kiss me if you need to but IDK if you need me like I need you MMMMM DELICIOUS ME THINKS "I'm not a paranoid, I'm a realist; I know you're gonna kill me!" OUGH HE IS SO PATHETIC I LOVE IT The twangy electric guitar plucks makes my brain happy. My head kept bopping just listening to this song.

Portrait of a Blank Slate The beginnings made me think of a movie montage lol. The lyrics make me think of a broody, distrustful, dude who falls for a magnetic woman who he feels will get bored of him but lord the yearning does not stop him. Her boyfriend is an asshole and the singer wants to make her happier??? I've got my head in my hands, music anon, when the interlude played I can imagine scenes of them getting closer than they should but always pulling away - hold me, music anon, hold me, please. Him apologising for it all being predictable??? What a loser (I need him).

Normal People Things HEAD BOPPING THE SECOND WE PLAY THIS!!! If I could drive, this song would need to be on the ban list, I will crash the car. This song playing during a chase scene with a delinquent and another delinquent but they're just introverted? Perfect me thinks.

VIOLENTVIRA —

God Complex Ough, ouGH OUGHOUGH This song reminded me of Yuno Gasai, lmao. But oh god, the lyrics??? Obsessed actually, I need this song put into a chip so I can stab it into my brain. The dark yearning??? The instrumental??? The way she keeps saying "I wanna be" to "I'm gonna be" - I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! Also reminded me of Brahms Heelshire but that's just me being a simp.

I Don’t Care OUGHGGGGGGGGHHHHH THANK YOU FOR INTRODUCING ME TO SUCH A WONDERFUL ARTIST, MUSIC ANON!!!! Her songs have been on repeat for me since the second I listened to her lORD I just know the Creepypasta speed paints back in 2010 would've loved her music. This song is giving "I don't care if this love is destructive, I'll love you until I can't anymore" OUGHGHGGHGHGHGH MUSIC ANON HOLD ME AGAIN

Luka This song was so sad but knowing why she made it made me physically hold back my tears, especially the voice note at the end?? :((( Her lyrics, and the video description, I was teary-eyed reading it. The chorus is so heartwrenching (;﹏;) "I'm always pulled back to your soul" (´;︵;`)

Tarantula Girl This song reminded me of the time I was 13 and listening to Three Days Grace or Get Scared omg - I love vampiric love songs!!! GIVE ME MOREEEEEEEE!!! Was head bopping the entire time listening to this!! Also the instrumental scratches the itch in my brain "I kinda want you to stay, gimme the sweetest taste" OOOOUGHHH IM SO ILL also her voice is so good I'm obsessed

Iris, The Goo Goo Dolls — this song gave me SUCH a flashback please FNIERUHGRG I remember the fucking Wattpad trailers with this song, also when I was 15 and I had a crush on a girl in school I put this song in the Spotify playlist I made for her LMAOOOO Such a bop, and one with so many memories!! the OG yearning song for me personally

Cotard's Solution, Will Wood — piano, save me piano. the spookiness of the song made me sway a little in my seat while listening to this but then it got more and more unhinged and the way the vocals and instrumentals matched up with each other??? Insane actually!! "Sha na na na na na, free will!" made me giggle The song reminded me of old animes that I could never watch because my mom disapproved of my uncle's anime CD stash but specifically that one old anime about that vampire Van Hellsing? The vibes!!!

Laufey —

This is how it feels (& d4vd) I'm gonna be honest, I never actually listened to Laufey - no reason, just never got the time too so this list made me so excited!!! d4vd's voice reminds me of Disney Prince's serenading oh lord, so good. Then Laufey's voice joins in with the piano??? The yearning?? The violins?? You're out to get me, music anon, aren't you??? (this reminded me of satosuguynkento - "sorry for leaving like that, you don't deserve to get caught in my mess. loving you is just so difficult, i don't know how i should tell you that. I've fallen for somebody else, happened so quickly i lost myself. a shadow of you drifts by my window" especially. I'm going insane, I'm unwell, I'm ill.)

Promise THIS SONG??? EVERY TIME A FUCKING JJK EDIT CAME ON WITH THIS SONG, ESPECIALLY THE LYRICS "I've done the math-" SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING!!! Okay, but the lyrics? The instrumentals? Laufey better be ready to be charged with my therapy bill, I cannot do this anymore, I'm physically ill(er). another song that reminded me of satoyn - "Honestly, I didn't think about How we didn't say goodbye Just see you very soon It hurts to be something It's worse to be nothing with you" I'm deceased.

Let you break my heart again Just so you know, I had this song on loop when I "broke up" with my 4-year long situationship and sobbed my eyes out. It also me realize I have in fact listened to Laufey and she will most definitely be sent my psychotherapy bills.

A Night to Remember I braced myself for this song because so far it has not looked good for my mental health but I was greeted with such a smooth jazzy introduction and seductive songs and lyrics and I cautiously let my guard down. This song playing makes me think of two characters dancing in those wood, smokey, wine-glass-filled clubs. Made me think of Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle, lmao. The orchestra rising and falling in the background - oh god, I had to pace my room while listening to this. The vocals, the sultry tone, the instruments in the background OUHGHGHGHGHGGH I'm so gonna write something based off this song it's too good, I wish to consume it.

Can't Love You Anymore, IU — Nation's Little Sister never misses!!! I was preparing for a back-and-forth angry singing, but the resigned yet spiteful lyrics being delivered so smoothly made me go insane!!! "When I see you, I keep seeing myself in you, and I hate it" OUEUEUEUEEUE YOU WANT ME TO EXPLODE!!!! "I don't think we're in love anymore," the casual way they just sing it OUGH OUGHHHHHHH Like you expect things to be more explosive or dramatic, but the way it just happens and they're just tryna ignore it, hopes something sparks but it doesn't???? If I didn't read the lyrics, I'd honestly just bop to this in a cafe.

Please Don't, K.Will — THE FAMOUS MUSIC VIDEO LMAO. I honestly never read the lyrics to the song and watched the MV one time so it was such a pleasant time revisiting this masterpiece. The yearning, the pleading to not be left and the panic he feels as his lover grows more and more distant??? Ough hold me again please music anon,,,,,

Usher —

You make me wanna… The juxtaposition of Usher's songs next to the previous ones made me wipe away my tears and get ready to body roll seductively. The casual mention of infidelity and the infamous girl-best-friend syndrome oh lord, the lyrics feel so wrong but the vocals and the song make you feel less guilty. Do you think Satoru played this song when he was boinking Suguru while YN was depressed in the background, lmao?

Nice & Slow Usher whispering in my ear about coming over to my house made me think of those boyfriend ASMR videos and IDK how I feel about it LMAO This song plays when an early 2000s rom-com movie introduces a hot guy with cheekbones for days and also wears a scarf for no reason other than fashion (we respect it tbh).

Like A Boy, Ciara — Her spelling her name in the beginning was so cunty. ALSO, I KNEW THIS SONG SOUNDED FAMILIAR AND THE CHORUS PLAYED AND I WAS INSTANTLY HEAD BOPPING!!!

The Boy is Mine, Brandy & Monica — Had to immediately pace my room for this song, the edits playing in my brain making me go insane all over again. Such a classic tbh, should put this song in a national treasure vault so that when aliens find the carcass of our planet they can also bop to this song.

Medicine, Queen Najia — "Give you a taste of your own medicine," I love it when women succeed and enact their revenge. "imma leave you crying," OUGH IM IN LOVE! Also, I had a feeling this song trended on Tiktok and the "not for you, but for him" popped up BUT I NEVER KNEW IT CAME FROM SUCH A CUNTY SONG???? LOVE IT SO MUCH!!

#★彡 — 🎶 anon #kissing you on the forehead music nonnie #thank you so much for introducing me to all these new artists and songs!!! #UAGGHHGGHGHGH LOVE U SM!!!

[izzy-b-hands]

Rambling abt the half dream half nightmare that woke me up today below the cut. feel free to ignore, just need to vent it out somewhere. Probably going to include me talking abt Current Family Issues and Feelings so. yeah. TW for mentions of someone in hospital, death, religion, and overall family dysfunction lmao

I know that ultimately, right now, if something big and/or terrible happened medically to anyone in my family back in ND, I wouldn't be able to go see them. The money just isn't there (part of why I'm not going out there this summer nor are they coming out here at all.) I've accepted it, and I try not to think abt it.

That said, LOVE (read: HATE) my brain deciding a hyper realistic yet weird dream abt my mum winding up in hospital is the way to go this morning. Complete with:

-her bf refusing to speak to me abt it, and telling me not to bother going to visit her in the weird, somehow existing in both CT and ND simultaneously, hospital with a 'haven't you already been enough of a burden to her?'

-me staying in my grandparent's old house in ND, and for some reason that meant being wildly unable to get ready to go to the hospital. Finding my clothes was nearly impossible, but. all their old decorations were back up on the wall so even as I was searching for them I like. Didn't want to leave? As if the house would revert back to being sold like it has been irl, if i left it. Finally I wound up just stealing clothes from my grandfather's side of their closet (specifically his old 80s styled 'eagle on a tree branch' print sweater that he got forced to toss a few years ago bc it was becoming more holes than sweater, and one of his old, big leather jackets. somehow i found jeans that fit me, idk how considering i can't seem to do that irl rn but i digress)

-me showing up to the hospital FINALLY only for Noel Fielding?? to be sitting outside it with a friend dressed in what i can only describe as absolutely gorgeous future techno witch clothing. Unfortunately they were fucking dicks in this dream and scared the shit out of me by joking that 'it was so nice I'd shown up still despite the worst' and implying my mum had already passed. Noel did shout apologies as i stomped off inside and that as far as he knew she was still okay, but his friend is the one who handed me a wrapped in plastic, small, metal stool with a weird cartoon face on the seat so i could 'sit with her body, like sitting shiva, right?' (not like that at all to my knowledge, but then again my family has rarely to never fully followed any of the various religious rituals around death, we just. take the bits the dead person liked from them and ignore the rest, for better or for worse. Maybe that's just what happens when a family is a mishmash of various christian sorts from Catholic to Protestant with the hidden knowledge that actually, prior to ppl moving to the States, ppl in the family were Jewish but inter-marrying into Catholic families for safety-sake, and so any Jewish traditions used now are done wrongly and weirdly and in odd bits and pieces. At least that's as much as I've been told/have found out abt it, anyway)

-I proceed into this stupidly fancy and open concept hospital, to immediately find a hugr crowd mucking up the elevators (crowding the elevator bank and refusing to let others on.) That's where Con showed up, and helped me make it up the ridiculously wide, roundish staircases (think like. wide rounded stage steps, but for each level of this hospital), while also trying soothe me by telling me Housemate was already here and waiting for me, so were my grandparents and even Mum's bf (he promised to keep him away from me lol, it was v sweet in an otherwise filled with anxiety dream.)

-however, as we were struggling up the steps (also full of crowds, pushing each other around, so we literally had to hold hands and hold onto the railings and walls to avoid being shoved down the stairs), he kept hesitating on saying more abt mum. He tried to distract me by mentioning that, since I was here, the docs might want me to address some of my own health issues but that he wouldn't let them force me into any treatment i didn't want. Then he finally alluded to mum being in worse straits than I'd been told abt and said something to the effect of 'doing only what you can, not what she or others would expect of you' and 'not to set yourself on fire to keep someone else alive' plus admitting he was deeply worried my family was abt to force me into a big decision that absolutely wasn't the ONLY treatment option that would help mum, but it was implied to be the one mum's bf and my grandparents were pushing for.

-still dunno exactly what that option was, but just before i woke up i started hearing the latter part of the song Gethsemane from JCS (Housemate and I have been watching various versions irl this weekend lol), specifically the bit where Jesus dares/begs/etc God to see how he dies. This was accompanied by me finally reaching my mum's hospital room, and a stupid bright light emanating from it and like. Not to critique my own brain and the dream it created, but that was far too on the nose for me personally lmao.

-and I woke up thinking abt the call with my grandparents that I had on Thursday (didn't go super poorly but went. kind of weird and uncomfortable and confirmed again that like. they're happy for me being out here in CT, yet at the same time hold it and my happiness against me to some unconscious degree as originally outright confirmed by Mum in an earlier call her and I had like. Tail end of last year lmao. the main crux seeming to be 'why couldn't i find happiness in ND/what's wrong with all of them/why wasn't i willing to keep trying to make my life work in ND regardless of my happiness/don't i know how hard it is without my being there to help everyone whenever they ask/etc family bullshit')

And now I'm laying here thinking. If the Worst would happen for any of them, they would fully expect me to empty my bank accounts and do whatever else i had to, to get to ND not just to see them, but to help. to take care of as much as possible for them (mum and grandma get decision paralysed by sad/scary life events, my aunt is so uncomfortable with sickness and death she won't do hospital visits or funerals at all anymore for anyone, my cousins...are young enough they won't know how to handle it/won't want to, my grandpa tends to just shut down and isolate when things go to shit, and that's not to say that they all don't still get done things that need doing in these situations, but that they DO all usually need prodding and help and have leaned on me for that since i was a kid.)

And i would of course want to see them/help however i could, but. not to that extent. not to the point that I'd have nothing for myself, no money or help (bc they're not in a position to return that help or money to me, and they'd be so emotional as to likely be extremely offended and upset if i mentioned needing help myself.)

That said, I'm sick of silently daring them to watch me die just for their sakes, even tho i do still love them all dearly. and of course, that's entirely too dramatic but at the same time, Mum and I have had convos abt 'what if there's a shooting somewhere that we're at, how do we handle it, how are we attempting to protect each other' and Mum always says she would take a bullet for me, but she didn't protest when i say that I'd take one for her or anyone else in the family first. Last time she just nodded like. yeah. of course you would. so. Feelings, abt all of this.

If u actually read this full thing that was A. very sweet of u and i appreciate that u care abt my silly lil fucked up brain enough to do that (genuinely, I'm v grateful) and b. here is a pic of Nisha as what little compensation i can give for u reading this long ass ramble lol

#text post #long post #i should get up for the day bc this dream may have fucking sucked #but there are spring birdies peeping outside and Housemate and i have planned a day of just chilling together #also gonna put together the chocolate ikea easter bunny we got at some point #neither of us celebrate religiously anymore lmao but it's an excuse for egg and bunny shaped chocolates #anyway i can never tell my family any of my feelings abt this stuff or it'll be seen as an utter betrayal of them #and as a sign to them that i dont care abt or love them #but i do. i just want to have my own life and happiness just like they have theirs. and live for myself as much as i do others

[rubythecrimsonwriter]

!!!!! I am so excited that we will get to see the story in some form eventually! ATC is one of my favorites because there has never been much like it, with all the cousins meeting early and just being ✨them✨ together and watching the chaos around them unfold so the idea that we get to see more of that someday is so aaaaaa<3!!!!! The rewrite outline looks so cool, also like it’s gonna be more canon compliant/ see how much can be changed behind the scenes w/o really effecting the main story and that’s always such a cool premise in a fic and I am So Excited, despite how different it’s going to be from original ATC.

Have an amazing day/night/timezone:)

For the first one, at least, I'm going to be focusing more on Thalia, Luke, and Jason during the first half. I actually really like Jason, which is uhh a controversial opinion, and the only reason why I think more people didn't like him was because we didn't get a five part series exploring his adventures first. We have a list of the notable stuff he's done canonically, at the end of TLH, and I think that'd be really fun to explore with Thalia and Luke quietly losing their minds lol.

I'd love to involve Percy more in the first part, but Sally went to extreme lengths to keep Percy with her and I don't think she'd give him up very easily. Canonically? It took a Fury, the Fates, and the Minotaur to separate them for the summer, and nothing less would do it again, not even some well meaning teens that have combat experience.

I'm toying with the idea to do away with Camp Half Blood's magical border entirely. Replacing Thalia's sacrifice with Clarisse seems a bit cheap to me, honestly, and when I first did it I wasn't sure what else to do--but it would give them an excuse to say, "no thank you," to staying at Camp. The border had been there for only five years prior to Percy arriving, probably less. Most of the older demigods probably remember the days before Thalia's sacrifice, canonically, and that's why there was quiet but mass panic about Thalia's tree dying in SoM.

The first part is the one that will stay the closest to canon. The farther we get into the story, the more it will diverge.

The Golden Fleece has already shown that it's a massive power source, enough that Thalia could part from the tree and still have the magical borders there. I'm kind of idly wondering if I should establish the borders during the rewrite of SoM, and what would motivate anyone to search it out. If the borders haven't established, and Clarisse yet lives, then Grover is no longer in disgrace and is not trying to risk his life to find Pan, though he might do it anyway. I'm thinking of running a quest for Jason concurrent with the SoM arc, and maybe he gets into trouble and that's when Thalia has to go rescue him and get the Golden Fleece. The narrative parallels would be delicious, but I'm still mulling it over, and it requires me to change bits of the first part too.

(And this is why I'm doing outlines first this time 😅)

(Suddenly realizing I'm going to need a red string conspiracy board to keep track of all the moving players during all of this lmao)

Like during ATC, things would really heat up during TTC rewrite. Now you have five of the six Big Three Kids, and they're suddenly realizing what exactly is going on with their power spiderweb thing. I'd also really like to highlight Thalia's struggle with power, and have at least one supervillain moment where you can truly see the trained, dangerous daughter of Thunder. The Ophiotaurus, especially, was canonically a powerful lure for her, and she's already made her annoyance with Olympus frighteningly clear.

(If Percy regularly frightens people, demigods, and gods, without even trying to, Thalia can definitely do it on purpose. I will enjoy that more than I probably should tbh.)

My timer is up so I need to go back to restoring my window, but do send me more asks, or reblog this with something, I will absolutely talk to you more about my thoughts on the rewrite, and it helps me figure stuff out too. 💜💜

#all together cousins #asks answered

[lunapwrites]

2023 Recap and New Year Reading

One thing I think I'm proud of this year is how I approached bullet journaling. Despite sometimes going weeks at a time without making entries, instead of giving up I just went "ah, hell, we'll try again next month" and went about setting up the next few pages. That's... progress I think.

Anyway one of the reasons I bring this up is because last year, when I started this thing, I kicked off the year with a rune and tarot reading. And I think overall they were pretty on point, even if I was refusing to see the VERY COMMON THEME in all of it. Like... what brand of copium was I on that I saw 3 of Cups with the Empress and the Ace of Cups AND Death and went "Yep nope nothing to see here folks! Having a normal one!"

[This would be where I would stare flatly into the camera, Office style.]

The overall theme of 2023 was change. My partner and I did a lot of evaluating where we were and where we wanted to be, and started making moves to get there - some glacial, some... a lot quicker than I had expected lmao. But I think with my reading, my issue was that I made everything too broad and didn't focus on what was most on my mind - which turned out to be exactly what's on my mind now, and how it related to my existing commitments - including my fandom presence and writing. Which... has been difficult this year, particularly with being sick in one form or another for half of it.

With all of that said, 2024, it seems, is shaping up to be the transitional year - I pulled the Magician, which lends itself to a lot of power and potential. For the first half of the year, there's going to be a lot of good (or at least positive leaning) vibes up until April, supposedly - the Sun, Justice, the Empress (again), the High Priestess... all major arcana, all BDE cards. A lot of the messaging is about joy and balance and trusting my instincts. The vibes will be immaculate and everything's going to fall into place.

...Until May, which is when we can expect the Bean to make their appearance. Which... well, Five of Swords wasn't exactly the most surprising pull here. That is going to be a rough, scary transition, and I already knew it would be. But it's not forever.

We're (probably,) going to get our shit together a bit over the summer and into fall (Knight of Wands, the Chariot, 9 of Wands, King of Pentacles, the Fool) and then we're up for a setback of some kind in November (10 of Swords.) Given the context of the Fool and the overall timing, I think this is going to be related to moving Bean into their own room, and could be as simple as difficulty adjusting (for both of us tbh.) I'm not really seeing anything that indicates major issues, but the final card of the year (Judgement) is giving me a bit of an empowering message here.

Taken in aggregate, the message is clear: I have everything I need to succeed, so long as I remember not to rush important decisions and to ask for help when I need it. We can and we will achieve the balance I so desperately crave if we put the work in.

I did also do a rune reading, which overall seems to support the tarot one and gives me some additional context: likely looking at some conflict with work and family in the coming year (which I expected and which is already occuring to an extent) and my overall well-being is going to take a hit (also expected) - thurisaz and othala (r). However, my biggest pillars (my partner, my friends, and my overall... domestic situation? Home and finances lol) are going to be solid and are positive enough, in my view, to compensate - dagaz, uruz, fehu, jera, laguz. And of course the messaging is all the same: go with the flow, don't be fucking stubborn, ask for help, act with deliberation - tiwaz (r), perthro (r), eihwaz, ingwaz, mannaz.

Anyway. Yeah. Lots of big changes coming obviously, and I don't know what things are realistically going to look like six months from now, but I know whatever it is I'm going to do my best, and I'm gonna remember to breathe.

... And hopefully I can forgive myself for the times I mess up as well as I did with the bullet journal this year lol.

#lp tarot #lp runes #no pictures this time #readings were too big. #bean posting #figure they should get their own tag lol #that way you can block it if you don't care lol #happy new year #year at a glance #bullet journaling got a mention lol #i still need to set up January whoops #breakfast first #partner got berries #am i supposed to have them? technically no #but they are necessary for my spiritual well-being atm #so. priorities.

[disneyanddisneyships]

@gyubby99 here's my trauma recap

May be triggering so.....

Once upon a time~

My parents divorced when I was 3.

So I ssit h houses a lot which is really taxing because you have two homes but your parents wants you to consider their house your real home.

Anyways, along the time in there my aunt stays with me, my mom, and my sister for a bit. She's off her mess so she trips, falls and cracks her head open in the bathroom while 3 year old me is staring at the blood. (I don't remember this tho. Hence the thing I said abt forgetting trauma because it was too traumatic)

Don't remember anything until I'm in elementary school.

So at 8 years old I got made fun of and bullied a lot.

It's when my depression kicked in.

Got made fun of for my eyebrows, my curly hair, my laugh, and my weight.

Then my older sister moves out and never really talks to me again.

At the elementary school I'm at, my then best friend starts to constantly Dutch and abandon abandon for this other girl.

I begged my mom to move schools.

Then I finally moved elementary schools.

Everything was so great at the new one..... I made friends.... one by the name of Christian.....

I had two best friends, and a crush on this guy who was also a teachers kid like me.

One day, my two best friends don't wanna play what I want, but I already had social anxiety at the age of 9 so I didn't wanna fo anything new. They were fine with that so I turned around to get the stuff we usually do, I turn back and they ditched me... instant flashbacks to the other school.

We're friends again yadda yadda.

Elementary school ends.... I go to middle school....

One of the best friends in as talking about has a twin sister...

Her twin sister hated me for some unknown reason.... all she did was be mean to me.... my teachers were awful (except for my art teacher)... then my best friend and her sister moved to a different school....

I made new friends.. and oh hey, my old friend Chris is there. He does the weird "Yes, No, maybe" thing to qn eraser and asks it if we'd ever be in a relationship. Lmao. It said yes.

The year passes. Chris moved schools.

I had friends that were bad for my mental health. I started self harming.

But it's okay because I had 4 amazing best friends and a few other good friends.

This is when I get my first boyfriend.

He was okay.... I guess... I had art class with him and at the 8th grade dance he said he liked me and asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes.

But over the summer he ghosted me and my mom had to tell me to give up....

Freshman year of high school.

My dad gets a girlfriend and we all go up to see my grandparents in which my grandma and my dad's girlfriend were teasing me for having a fictional crush. It made me angry

I text the group chat with 3 of my best friends because I need a stress reliever.

My best friend just says "no" to the meme. Doesn't read it, doesn't care.

I blow up because I'm sick of disrespect. "I look at every single meme you guys send. I'm sick of you," is what I said.

My best friend blocks me.

I text my other friends trying to get her to unblock me so I can apologize. She unblocks me, I apologize. She doesn't accept it, calls me selfish and says "and you've lost 2 friends because this person doesn't like you either". I confront the other friend and she calls me manipulative, so I block her.

Me and the other friend didn't stay good friends for long (but they're cool now. We're in the same chour class. They have a Tumblr that I follow)

Um.... then I get closer with other people. Specifically my now former friends.... and.... my other friends ex....

I got so desperate to be loved that me and him started dating.

It was a secret and I didn't tell my mom....

Until she found out by looking at the bill of my phone....

Then she found out I had been self harming.... that was.. traumatic all on its own.

Anyways. Covid hit, and.. he moved schools for sophomore year..... over text we sexted a lot.... I was... desperate for some form of love....

But when I tried with boundaries... it.... I felt bad because when I said I didn't want to, I thought he'd hate me.. I thought hed leave me.....

I didn't even know what was happening was considered assault at the time...

The thing that really stuck with me was when he took his (small) dick out and brought my hand to it. I pulled away but he just grabbed my hand again and made me touch him....

Anyways um....

Later on he starts ghosting me.... a lot..... then one day after not hearing from him for 2 weeks he questions our relationship...

We breakup after 2 years... and we break up right before i go to Disneyland with my family.

He wanted to still be friends but I said i needed time.

I have a breakdown in the hotel at Disney.

And after about a week he texts me and asks if we can still be friends, I say no.

He starts trying to manipulate me. Calls me a bitch. I block him.

I get back from the vacation and I have two friends supporting me. Christian and my other unnamed friend.

I find out Chris likes me and had a crush on me in middle school...... he asks me out but I say no because I just got out of a negative relationship.. so I gave myself the entire summer to lull that over..

Then he asks me out again when senior year starts and I say yes.

He helps me realize that my ex assaulted me.... he also told the counselor by "accident" and I had to tell my parents....

Things go fine... but....

8 months later Chris starts to get flaky. He ghosts me for a while at a time (nowhere near the other guy though)

Until I find out that he told the counselor i was suicidal, and then he broke up with me.

And here we are.

[safyresky]

ELLO! It me ☺️

SO sorry for the enoooormous delay, but I rly wanted to ask the Top 5 Q thingy (I can't find the post, but I'm pretty sure it was Top 5 Somethings!! *Insert Somethings here*. V sorry if I've totally misinterpreted/misremembered!)

What are your Top 5:

-- Places

-- Songs

-- Characters (from any media)

-- Memories (as in, fave memories!)

SO SORRY for the MAHOOSIVE DELAY! the past 4 days have been an ADVENTURE???? THREE DAYS! SUCH AND ADVENTURE IT HAS FELT LIKE 4. AH! But finally we have finished the busies and the sudden wallet hunt has ended (with the wallet successfully tracked down) SO NOW I AM REPLYING TO THIS ASK PROPER. AH

This ask was for this post right here: "put top 5 anything in my asks and I'll answer, go!"

so here we GO (under the cut since I'm prone to ramblies)

Places:

1) the beach! any beach! the god tier beach fave would be the beach I'd play on as a child staying at my grandparent's summer home! it's the NOSTALGIA, you feel? A couple weekends ago, we were by Lake Huron and found a quaint little side beach entrance and it was actually SO CUTE and also, I was serving looks (and so was the fluffs!):

2) the willow tree that used to be on the lot my OTHER grandparent's cottage is on. i loved running under there and hanging out under the boughs, but my aunts always fretted bc it was very close to the road and they couldn't see me! I also loved playing on the water tank garden, but we were never allowed up there (which only made me want to climb up there more >:).

But it was a giant (to me at the time) mound of dirt put over the water tank with the flat stone platform on the top of the dirt, the water tank access on top of it. There were little stepping stones leading up and they, of course, faced the road so the water truck could fill the tank! anyway bc of the road proximity it was yet ANOTHER place I wasn't allowed to go but by GOD did i LOVE IT

3) on the way TO said cottages, there was a little garden/statue store that had a side room called "the secret garden". it was short, but LONG, and had cute little statues with little flowers and stepping stones and was painted very colourfully. i loved going in it and running up and down the room and pretending it was my very own secret garden!!!

4) Niagara-on-the-Lake/St Jacob's are tied for 4th. I love me a little town with shops and markets 🥰🥰🥰

5) numero five is the hill Forth Henry is on at night! Lately when Richard's been having a bad time (breakdown) we go for a lil drivey to the hill and breakdown while staring down at the city. It's nice!!! The ghosts don't even bug us but the random people ALSO on the hill sure do! It's like, y'all, this is OUT breakdown time?? GET BENT

Songs:

okay so these aren't my top five of all time, just my current top 5 atm

Wobble by Patent Pending and Awsten Night (this shit SLAPS)

In the Blood by Darren Kobb and Ashley Barrett

Move by Saint Motel

Ice Storm by Lindsey Stirling

Bang! by AJR

Characters. My GOD. There are so many blorbos and so little time??? Uh. who's been on rotate in me head recently. That ISN'T an OC. b/c let me tell you. Jacqueline has been doing somersaults like you wouldn't BELIEVE all up in there and goes "weeeee!" every time she does one. (in very over the top high pitched voice) MY LIFE IS SOOOooOOOOoooOOO HARD :( (/sarcasm) OKAY. LET ME THINK.

Luci from Disenchantment is a fave. Bean, too! She's so funny! OH MY GOD AND OONA! Deffs the fave side character there lmao. We've made it to Part 4 which is where I stopped watching like 3 episodes in so it'll be exciting to get to part 5. I hear she sees the mermaid again and that's got me SO excited for her 🥰🥰.

Danny himself of Danny Phantom fame. Jack Frost, of course. From tsc3, though I am fond of rotg Jack Frost. But like, in an "I want to protect him and see him engrow" kind of way?????? (if you haven't watched the jenna marbles video involving a comment that was like "you need to water your cermit so he can engrow" you need to. It's hilarious. Very quotable. idk if her videos are still up. but if they are. that ones a good one.)

Korra from Legend of Korra. She is the BAE. UGH. Most character of all time, she's EVERYTHING. I love her SO MUCH. Bolin was a fave from that too! He's just a silly little guy!!!!!

And Peridot from Steven Universe, she's ALSO a funny little guy. Her arc was EVERYTHING to me and I do a pretty alright peridot impression (it's fun to call the husbando a clod and have him cackle bc the peridot voice gets him good >:)

And Oliver Putnam, he's gd hilarious. The ladder bit in yesterday's episode had me cackling like a madwoman!

This is more than 5, but you know what? It's MY ask box and I DO WHAT I WANT!

MEMORIES! AH! Okay here are some top 5:

-i once had a v bad day at home first thing in the morning and got to school sobbing and richard spent the entirety of our homeroom outside the classroom comforting me and it was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me 🥰 he is very comforting!! and soft!!!!

-when i saw the very first fanart lmelodie ever did for crystal springs. it was like, the day before richard and i's 9 or 10th anniversary??? and when I saw it I was like HOLY SHIT THAT'S SO SWEET. then more came. and more. and then you messaged me like "whoops, my hand slipped1 here's MILLER'S LAW" and that is a very nice memory that still has me like, heart eyes TO THIS DAY (party city pimp lives in my head rent free)

-when I was 16 we drove from Mississauga, ON all the way to FLORIDA to go to Disney. Halfway there I was SO grumpy, and we were in One of the Carolinas, at a pioneer village kind of thing (which I LOVE, LOVE GOING TO REENACTMENT HISTORY VILLAGES) and my gOD was I grumpy. My dad had the camera and kept trying to get a photo of me being grumpy but every time. EVERY TIME he moved the camera my way I KNEW and would spin about with a big old smile. There's one where I was holding a map with a little hat on and he tried to sneak a photo of grumpy pants Dani and I looked up and did a lil smile and he was like I THOUGHT I HAD YOU and I was like GUESS AGAIN, POPS. that's a fun memory, easily top 5

-Richard's reaction to my dress and everything during our first look! And ALSO his face when I told him in our vows that he's the blaise to my winter. Killed him dead >:) (metaphorically, lol)

-the new year's eve that ana messaged me like, TEN YEARS OR SO AGO asking if she could borrow Jacqueline :3. It was like, kind of an annoying new years eve bc my parents were like NO FUN ALLOWED. SIT HERE WITH US UNTIL THE COUNTDOWN. thankfully, i had a laptop! and yes, the parental units did complain but i had 0 interest in the show leading up to the countdown. Anyway, while sitting and waiting there was a pm on ff dot net from Ana asking about Jacqueline and well, we've been buds since! :)

Thanks for the ask, K! and again, sorry for the delay! Between bday celebrations all weekend, and the work event I did saturday, and then the wallet shenanigans monday, and then the ACTUAL BDAY yesterday, I have not had time to look at this ask UNTIL NOW! BUT I DID NOT FORGET! AH!

#ask box shenanigans #definitelyy-not-a-vampire #dani answers #THE WORD VOMIT #AH #but damn i looked good that day by the lake! #hey look it's the fluff! #it's a me dani #richard also looked good but also. im biased. he always looks good to me #well. most days #some days he looks like a TRASH GOBLIN

[daincrediblegg]

movie buff questions: any number with a 6 in it. <3

6. Favorite movie from the 90’s? Literally the first one I thought of was Hocus Pocus. So I'm going with that. It's goddamn incredible anyway.

16. Ever watched a movie just because you heard the effects were awesome? YES! Dawn of the Planet of The Apes. saw it in theaters like 10 times throughout the summer after graduating high school bc the theater was right down the block. shit is insane.

26. Best experience going to the movies Honestly the most recent was Everything Everywhere All At Once. My first viewing was on opening week and that was a PHENOMENAL audience to be a part of- especially recently. Also I will never forget the energy that was in the theater after The Grand Budapest Hotel. shit was awesome.

36. Movie quote you live by? lmao it's not from a movie but for years I had this quote up on my facebook page from Westworld "You can't play God without being aquainted with the Devil". Facts man. Thanks A-Hop.

46. Favorite cop film? Gonna go with Fargo on this one I think. Feels right.

56. Movie you completely nerd-out over every time it’s mentioned? Lord of the Rings. You will always get me with Lord of the Rings. No question. No doubt. I have so many lotr related facts and anecdotes and prop replicas.

60. Most visually stunning movie you’ve seen? God I can't choose. I really can't. so many movies are too beautiful I cannot pick just one. help me god.... OK 1917. that bitch has so much going for it.

61. A movie your parents introduced you to? lmao so many. kudos to them tho for taking me to Spirited Away at the ripe old age of baby.

62. Favorite genre? Gothic (clearly- and it's not the same as horror writ. large- there's a difference, even though many horror films overlap with gothic films as well and the whole horror genre literally owes everything to Gothic fiction but I digress)- also because there's lots of elements that go into gothic from other genres like romance and comedy that people tend to forget about- and I'll always take a good genre mix any day over just... one plain old thing? I like a Genre Ensemble if you will and Gothic covers that the best I think.

63. Least favorite genre? Hallmark Rom-coms. sitcoms in general. or reality tv shit or documentaries (lotta people say they're "unbiased" but the nature of perspective and subjectivity in film is bias. never as fully informative of facts as they purport to be and I can't stand the fuckin things. boring as sin).

64. Comedy movie that you didn’t find funny? First one I thought of was Bridesmaids. Deadass. I don't think a lot of mainstream comedies do humor very well anyway. Also fucking anything written by James Gunn that man literally only knows how to write one movie and it was guardians of the galaxy vol. 1 and literally everything he's done since has been copy-pasted from that script (and especially suicide squad. hate that move so much forever and always what a piece of shit).

65. Horror movie that didn’t scare you? Most don't??? not that bad anyway. Fucking M3gan was literally the most unscary shit I've ever seen recently tho. but then again I grew up on Child's Play like I'm immune to freaky doll shit.

66. Favorite remake of an old movie? ok but dicks out for the planet of the apes remakes. I'm so serious. Andy Serkis put his whole pussy into that monkey.

67. A movie that started a passion for you? um... this is kindof a hard question to answer because movies/shows made me want to persue writing/directing as a career. There have been a lot of them, and the more I see the more I want to do it, so the list is ongoing, but LOTR and Joker 2019 are the two biggest contributors that I can think of off the top of my head. LOTR bonus features are what I lived for and got me passionate about the actual filmmaking process and special effects and stuff, Joker is the one that solidified for me the career choice.

68. A movie that sparked an interesting conversation? in my household The Godfather will never not be the film that sparks interesting conversations- bc my dad worked with a guy that was up for the part of sollazzo, and he was on the books and getting payed and everything when Marlon Brando requested that a guy he knew play the part instead, so he got the boot. BUT!! since he was on the books there was a term in his contract that he get residuals anyway- and so he still does. he was at my parent's wedding and everything. crazy shit.

69. The main movie you remember from your childhood? my childhood was filled with them. Can't be specific about this one I'm afraid. Just trust me. Many.

MOVIE BUFF ASKS

#ask games #good talk team