#anyway if adhd is affecting your life and ability to do the things you want

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

You know, one thing that does frustrate me with the societal approach to mental health is the focus on curing things. Specifically why this frustrates me is with situations like mine, while the depression and suicidal tendencies might still be there anyway, there's deep systemic problems in my life that need addressing

And like... I don't take meds. This isn't some superiority thing, it's a combination of having trouble even getting through antibiotics at the right time for a while week, not liking side effects, and knowing that there's concrete things that need to change in my life before I can feel better

It gets frustrating having well meaning people be like "well I hope you find a med that works for you". I'm not looking for one, I don't want that. A crumb of affection would do more for me than any medication

So the frustrating part is I'm very supportive of people who find meds for any condition help them, I just wish people would support me in making my own health choices

Honestly I don't even want to not be depressed. I don't mind the depression. What I want is to be able to consistently get the things that are important to me done (and if I dare to dream big, be treated in a way that lets me slowly work on my self worth, even if that's unlikely to every truly fully heal)

I don't know, just a thought. Saw something about using mushrooms in conjunction with therapy (which I'm for) but the focus of the story was on how it cured a lot of people of their depression and... I don't know... I get tired of that focus and that narrative... I feel very left behind by it because that will never be me in part cause that's not what I want for me

I want to improve my little slice of the world, and I want to be loved (which I honestly don't believe is possible at this point, it's gotten to the point that's in my core beliefs). If I had those two things I'd be pretty happy. I can be pretty happy while being depressed, I'm just not right now

It's really tough because I hear this kind of sentiment from clients a lot, and it's like a 50/50 shot that eventually they DO hit on a medication that (while not a cure) is revelatory for them in some really significant way.

I had the same thing happen to me. Took decades, but I eventually hit on the med triad that did the trick. Weirdly, adding a blood-brain-barrier-permeable antihistimine to my routine has done more for my depression than an SSRI has ever done. The joys of autoimmune disorders I guess.

I don't think meds are magic, but they are often life rafts. Something to cling to and keep you afloat while you rest for a bit and then gradually teach yourself how to paddle in towards shore from the deep ocean where you've been drowning. I wish they were talked about in that capacity more in mental health care because I think that would help a lot of people feel more comfortable and informed during the decision making processes around meds.

That said, the more we learn about mental health, the clearer it becomes that "cures" aren't really the goal there. The goal is increased quality of life, and that's....basically it. I really like the language that diagnosis has started to take on of "remission" for mental health needs. You aren't cured of your depression if treatment is successful. Your depression symptoms go into remission when treatment is successful. It leaves so much more room for different versions of what makes a "good ending" to treatment, as well as taking away the ability to treat renewed symptom presentation as a failure on the part of the person or past treatment.

Then you've got diagnoses like ADHD, autism, schizophrenia, personality disorders, etc where neurobiology tells us that the mental health needs and experiences go beyond the functional/behavioral and biochemical. There are structural differences to the way people with these mental health presentations experience cognition, sensory processing, memory, etc. In these cases, you don't even seek remission, you seek accommodation.

When you reframe mental health care as being about increasing a person's quality of life, and combine it with client-centered care, you create a lot more space for the vastness of neurodiversity to be seen as part of "successful treatment" which I think matters a lot in how providers end up conceptualizing their care.

This is all pretty simplified ramblings to be sure, but I don't think yall want to hear about my methodological opinions on specific modalities and theories lol (although the popularity of some of my recent conversations about conceptualizing autism might suggest otherwise).

Anyway, your point about how environmental factors are really impactful of the outcome of treatment is super important and something that, during my MSW, we as students actually spent A LOT of time talking about. It's one of the reasons I chose social work instead of psychology as a professional degree despite the fact that - from a research and specialization perspective - psychology might have made more sense for me as a licensure arena. Social work tends to recognize the necessity of supportive environments as a foundational componant of care and treatment more consistently than psychology does imo. At any rate, I see a lot more visible acknowledgement and discussion of how to help clients when their environment is clearly a primary source of concern. It's still something a lot of providers struggle with tho, for a variety of reasons.

The explanation that tends to be most generous towards my profession is that it would be literally impossible for us to be both therapist AND caseworker for our clients. Those are two drastically different roles, with different skillsets, both of which are extremely resource-intensive for us as providers to the point that a single provider simply would not be able to do both. This is.....not always the most appropriate explanation for why problems around environmental needs arise, but it's certainly a baseline issue that exacerbates all the other less generous criticisms of providers. Having been on both sides (casework and therapy) of this co-occuring care, I can say personally that every time I was someone's caseworker I wished I could ensure they were getting equivalently quality care on the therapy end, and as a therapist about half my cases would benefit IMMENSELY from a good caseworker if only I could ensure access to that for them. Being able to only address one half of the needs is....frankly rage inducing and a little traumatizing for me as a provider. I know that the care being provided to these dual need clients is inadequate, but logistically there is very little I can do about it aside from keep offering a referral to the other half of the care they need.

I can think of 3 clients on my caseload right off the bat whose presentation would probably change over night if they could be provided with a) financial aid, b) a total deep cleaning service, c) a professional, mental health care informed organizer, and d) a regular source of peer support. It's frustrating because I am able to provide none of those things. I can suggest them, or support tiny framework changes that make the needs they would resolve less intensive, but that doesn't change the underlying need that the clients have.

I dunno where I'm going with this exactly anymore, but essentially I think that it's really frustrating, as you say, when mental health care treatment fails to take a holistic view of a person's environment, survival/thriving needs, and systems of support.

[ikilledamanforthisurl]

Minami anon x4 but you bring up a lot of really interesting points abt like subcultures / attitudes and also more personal life stuff I never thought about b4! In my head the kinda headcanon justification I made for myself was like the idea Minami used to be formerly realllyyyyy low on the yakuza ladder and as thus kinda just acted like a robot / as dully competent as possible (he wouldn’t drink because What If that affects his ability to Do Anything etc) and so on and Internally Really Wanting To Live A Much different life / be more important then just Another Guy In this Organisation. Which is why he clings so hardcore onto emulating Majima who IS someone eye catching and attention grabbing and to him Important. I think my main basis for this is all of the times Minami in like fight scenes acts really dramatically and even when he loses tries to insist on Keeping On Fighting UNTIL Majima walks in and Minami completely shuts down and just lets him Do As He Does. Sorry if this is a rly big deviation I didnt have a lot to respond to your previous answer outside of I think it’s all really interesting especially the stuff in tags regarding his tattoos (who is she fr!) and if this were a situation where we were having a more private one on one conversation i'd nod very enthusiastically

HAHAHA i know this feeling. thank u for indulging me either way anon and idm the deviation it's like waving a new set of keys in front of my adhd ass. passionate conversations with me derail all over the place i'm very used to it ^_^

and i really like your point about him not wanting to blend in, wanting to Stick Out as a Somebody. it would not phase that kind of Minami if drinking + whatever else was the norm amongst his peers. perhaps it was influence from Majima that convinced him to drink after all........ its certainly what i like to think....... makes their stupid toxic dynamic hurt a little more

and i am so glad u also noticed the way he refuses defeat every chance he gets it literally plagues my thoughts the most.... i think about it sooooo much so so soo much. it's definitely an ego thing + just another nod to Minami's utter reverence of Majima. he goes from being pretty emotional and throwing a tantrum when you Throw Off His Groove™ but forgoes doing what he wants the second the bossman gives the order. Boss' word takes all priority, regardless if you're stupid, or emotional, or whatever else.

I love picking this apart trying to discern their dynamic but it also reflects on how Majima is with his men in general..... I've yet to see any of his boys defy him. And for good fucking reason (insert montage of him smacking around his own men)........ Minami also kindof reflects this in how he strings along a bunch of his fellow Family men to watch him fuck around on the karaoke machine, who CLEARLY don't want to be there but tolerate him regardless! I'd like to think he doesn't randomly assault them though. Not over small shit anyways, he seems pretty lenient and understanding (see: "shit happens"). He's probably just very obnoxious when ribbed, as he is in many other aspects. Or hell, maybe he shuts down and gets so bummed out that its obnoxious in a really cringefail pitiful way

Ideally Majima's garnered respect not strictly through violence.... We have all seen how personable he can be and how he got himself roped into helping random folks all over in y0. Ideally Minami even less so, if he is as lenient as he seems. Which leads me to asking what's up with his title, "junior leader"? What the fuck even is that? Surely it doesn't bring all that tolerating respect with it yknow. I dont think anyone else in the series is a JL. We're not particularly clued in to how Yakuza life actually works in the game about Yakuza, but you can bet I can pull ideas out of thin air to tie stuff together if given scraps

Least likely in my opinion: JL is literally a next-of-kin for a leader position in the Family, possibly for patriarch itself, which implies a much closer relationship between Minami & Majima than we're ever clued into. i'm also not so sure it suits him (though i can pull arguments for it out of thin air as well if you want) since he really seems like the kinda guy happy doing his regular grunt work. brother is not patriarch material imo...... not for what i personally believe a patriarch's duties are, anyways.

Funnier option: he got the role to be appeased. you mentioned that you think he wants to Be Somebody and i completely headcanon-same..... this scrappy little shitkicker kid waltzed in one day, hounded someone until they let him join, and has been gunning for respect ever since. not necessarily power, i'd like to think he wants to be well-liked, but also, it's totally an approval-from-the-father thing. he wants to do good enough for Majima to Notice. since Minami wouldn't know subtlety if it socked him in the face, it's not difficult in the slightest to see this and he gets thrown a Special Role because he's just the most Specialest Boy Ever.... in this case Junior Leader probably just reflects stuff he was already good at while working. Couldve been a socialite amongst the new kids on the block, could even be a trainer. Higashiyama and Nojiri (Dead Souls Majimagumi) seem to imply that recruiters and their recruitees generally work one-on-one and get to know one another pretty well, but that could easily just be a Them thing. I'm sure there's plenty of newbies who get recruited by already-busy blokes.... fuck it, have Minami show them the ropes, get em ready ASAP and keep it going......... yknow that type of thing

#ikildaman shut the fuck up #i cant find where to put this in the post but i like to think minami learned this no-quitting habit from majima #in my own little... idk what youd call it.. hc story for him he trains relentlessly to try and match majimas power #backed up by canon btw minami is genuinely tough as nails. he winds both protags #which isnt hard because one of them is fucking akiyama and the other is a multi-wave fight for saejima #and annihilates an unnamed number of dudes. unarmed. without so much as a scratch #dude is a fucking machine. menace #that being said majima is also POWERFUL. absolutely batshit levels of power #and as surprisingly competent as minami is. he cant match up. hahaha he aint never matching up #the longer time post-shimano goes on and the more majima mellows out... the more majima actually trains with his men sometimes #instead of just jumping them when he feels like it yk #and i like to think minami is the Only person whose hyped when he does #i like to think he pesters and pesters and pesterrrrs majima to face off with him every time #i like to think hes never even come close to winning. he insists on retrying anyways #majimas got this whole strength = respect thing going on and totes passes down his mentality and teachings to him in the worst way possible #minami tries to hold out a little more each time #totally breaking his own body to do this #lots of easily avoidable long-lasting damage ensues #i just really love making their dynamic so miserable. majima youve fucked up your perfectly good gokudo. look at them they have anxiety etc #sorry if this is all over the place i am SICK (literal

[roughentumble]

🍦 🦅👐

hmmmm i dont see those patty-cake type hands on the list, so im going to answer this hand emoji 🤲 :3

🍦 What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?

HMMMmmm either "key to my heart" or "geralt and roachie"! everyone says geralt and roachie made them cry, but i always thought it was the sweetest, sappiest thing haha.

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

100% fly by the seat of my pants. occasionally i'll have an idea of something i definitely want to include(i wanted two big fight scenes for petals and pining, and roughly knew where i wanted them to go, but had no real concept of the story as a whole, so it was just like. We'll Get There When We Get There!)

it's the adhd haha, i've never written outlines, even for things everyone said Needed outlines. it's a skill that needs practice just like anything else, and i never have. my work would maybe be better if i ever put in the time to get better at it, but it's not what i enjoy doing, so i dont bother.

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

this isn’t a wip, as it’s at this point abandoned. there was one part i just...... couldn’t get to work in my head, and then my interest waned, you know how it goes. i may get back to it again one day, who knows! i have a bunch of abandoned projects on the cutting room floor that aren’t actually bad, i just couldnt get them off the ground. but anyway, since it may never see the light of day, here’s a rather long snippet of unnamed work(jaskier does not realize they’re dating), under a cut for the sake of everyone’s dashboards:

===

Being friends with Geralt of Rivia required something of a gentle touch.

Which isn't to say that he was some sort of wilting flower, or that he couldn't handle a blunt talking to, or jokes at his own expense, things of that nature. Just that he can be rather... reticent with his own feelings, and with overt familiarity. It takes a while for him to truly open up, and if you aren't careful when he does, he snaps back shut like a clam, takes forever and a day to get him to trust you enough to try again. A natural result, Jaskier laments, of his rather rough life. It makes sense, of course, but it still makes Jaskier's heart break when he sees Geralt pull away from a kind hand, or hesitate to return a friendly smile.

[something also about him being a man of action, so expressing his affections thru words is rare. he's not inept, its just an extra little bit he has to extend himself, and its not his natural reaction]

He also seems, on occasion, mystified by certain facets of human interaction. No one understands every intricacy of society, of course, there will always be some rule that doesn't make sense, or maybe something that's common in the region your grew up in and only there, so traveling leaves one floundering on how to interact. But Geralt, especially, Jaskier notes, seems to come up short on what's expected of him in what should be simple situations. Again, Jaskier attributes this to the rough life he's led, to his unorthodox childhood up on a mountain, surrounded by men who cared more about his capacity for violence than his ability to navigate social moors.

More's the pity.

All this to say, Jaskier is disinclined to push too much in any particular direction when it's obvious that Geralt is extending himself, emotionally. [all this to say, jaskier is generally inclined to let geralt get away with things??? idk, work on phrasing maybe.]

So when Geralt turns to him one night, tearing his eyes away from their little campfire to stare at him with a depth of intensity that leaves him feeling warm and nervous all at once, and says "Jaskier... you matter very much to me," as though he had to pry each syllable from his throat, [????idk i lost the thread of this sentence]

"Well, of course I feel the same, as you know you're very dear to--" he starts, but Geralt reaches over to grab his hand, cutting him off.

"No. I... you're /very/ important to me." He says insistently, eyes boring into Jaskier. It's clear he's trying to convey something very big, and very important, and Jaskier has no idea what it could be, other than what it sounds like on the surface-- Geralt and he are rather close friends.

But he looks very hopeful, and very sweet, and very vulnerable the way he clutches at Jaskier's hand, and Jaskier doesn't want to spook him off by questioning it too deeply, so he just accepts the little confession. Hopes the lump in his throat isn't too obvious when he responds in kind. Geralt's expression changes into something soft, obviously relieved that his friendship was reciprocated, and he gives Jaskier's hand a squeeze. Bumps their shoulders together affectionately. And then the subject is promptly dropped for the rest of the night, vulnerability over.

=============

Geralt had been doing that, even before the night around the campfire. Holding Jaskier's hand, being a little more loose with physical affection. Testing the waters, it seems, trying to find where the line it, but after that night he gets even handsier. And Jaskier can't complain, of course, Geralt must be touch-starved with the life he leads, and it's so sweet the way a hand finds it's way to the small of his back in a dense crowd, or the press of Geralt's leg against his when they sit near each other in a tavern, or rarely enough the weight of an affectionate, friendly kiss along his brow.

Geralt doesn't understand what is and isn't taken in a platonic manner, is all, Jaskier's sure. And this little olive branch of affection after so many years of trying to be his friend, trying to get him to open up and relax, isn't one Jaskier intends on throwing aside anytime soon. He's always been pretty liberal with affection himself, so really, it's fine. It makes something ache in his chest, to be so close to what he wants and yet so far-- but he wouldn't trade it for anything, when he sees that tentative little smile tugging at the corners of Geralt's lips.

===========

He is fairly thrown for a loop, though, the first time Geralt kisses him.

============

It's a small thing. Just a press of lips to his in the wee hours of the morning. Geralt's hand comes up, strokes a thumb along his cheekbone, and then he just... kisses him. pecks him right on the lips. Then he straightens, and goes back to sorting out his pack like he didn't just entirely topple Jaskier's world before the sun had fully risen.

Jaskier's entire face is red, and his mind races, because Geralt-- Geralt /kissed/ him, like it was nothing, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, gentle and affectionate and wonderful, and Jaskier must make some noise or something, because Geralt glances over his shoulder. "Is-- is that alright?" He asks, in reference to the kiss. He sounds a bit confused, maybe a bit nervous, and Jaskier sucks in a shaky breath, feeling infinitely frazzled. Geralt looks so innocent, kneeling there on the floor, like there was nothing out of the ordinary about what he just did.

And Jaskier can picture it, in his head, allowing Geralt to see his internal freak out, and explaining the differences in what sorts of affection you're supposed to show to different people, and what sort of signal he'd just sent, and the way Geralt-- poor, sweet Geralt-- would be so confused, and then disheartened, and then wouldn't try at all to be affectionate anymore, and Jaskier would lose the sudden closeness he'd gained, so instead he just... he says "Fine. It's-- I just didn't expect-- it's fine." Then he thinks 'fine' sounds judgemental, maybe, and amends it to "Nice."

His face is still burning red, must be, but Geralt relaxes at his reassurance. "Good." He says, smiles one of those smiles he's been showing more of recently, and gets back to packing like absolutely nothing is amiss.

==============

Slowly, Jaskier gets used to it. The first kiss was shocking, yes, but once he knows to expect it-- and now he's steeled himself against the emotional weight of it-- he rolls with it fairly easily, and it just becomes another part of their routine. Since Geralt started displaying his affection, it's been a slow but steady build

[something about how jaskier likes it, and doesnt want to scare him away, but also feels guilty taking advantage. since he rather enjoys it for a different reason he thinks, and for geralt /obviously/ its innocent.]

============

[no fucking clue on how to broach the morning wood thing.

idk how to, like, build the heat to make it plausible.

but i guess maybe put it here?]

============

The worst-- best-- no, worst, part is

it just keeps happening.

============

And so it becomes routine. They wake up hard, and it's only natural to help each other. Of course. And Geralt doesn't mean anything by it, so...

Jaskier compartmentalizes. Enjoys what he has.

This is completely fine.

#witcher tag #ogc tag #writing tag #spoiler alert:: it is completely fine!!! jaskier is just a bit silly. #there was like one scene i couldnt get to work and the whole thing sortve. collapsed like a souffle. ah well #maybe someday!

[menacetosocietyy]

Semi-heavy word vomit-vent-info dump thing ahead. Did this on my phone so apologies in advance.

Today I learned that people with my disorder likely experience emotions more intensely than anyone else (generally).

In my poetry, I often express/describe feeling my emotions in extremes, so I mean... it makes sense. Yet part of me is defeated by this confirmation; I'm not quite sure why-

I'm just so burned out today from college and likely other stressors like being threatened to get kicked out again for getting food poisoning and I basically am failing college currently, plus some other more personal things, along with likely needing to get checked for autism and an ED.

I guess a part of me does desire to be "normal." Not traumatized, neurodivergent, and mentally disabled because maybe then I wouldn't be struggling so much. I could have a job and be in school at the same time without having a breakdown, I could push myself to do what I need to without medications, I could live life without needing to fixate on things like fictional universes/characters to not lose my marbles, I could express and manage my emotions properly.

I am grateful to be able to relate the groups of people that I can because of my disability, disorders, and trauma. It's given me the ability to make so many different kinds of connections, help people, and be a better person myself. I'm grateful for being born into a home that got me therapy when I needed it and I credit that to likely the largest chunk of who I am today, but if I am part of the group that feels emotions to the most extreme, and we do it basically on a day to day basis? Fuck dude, ADHD is already known to cause imbalance in emotions, impulsiveness, destructive behaviours- all the things in common with borderline.

Did I just get double-fuckin-whammied??

I would not wish the pain I can feel on anyone (except abusers and pedos and grapeists and-). It is so frustrating to constantly have your mood fluctuating or just randomly be numb for however long when you so desperately want to feel something good AND stable, not just a stable mood of emptiness.

Then, to have people point it out because of concern when you didn't even know you were doing something like changing moods so quickly... it's humiliating for me. They say that the disorders should not be our entire personality, yet they affect literally every aspect of our personalities. How are they not??

Did I mention how fucking TERRIBLE humiliation is?? I can't even put into words right now how much I LOATHE being humiliated and/or ashamed. It causes me to physically twitch and make little noises or whistle. I hate it.

Anyway

Of course, since I get the LOW lows, I also get the HIGH highs... it's probably why I, and so many others, write about love so much. It's such an intense, raw, euphoric, and disastrous feeling.

The human emotions, to me, are probably the most beautiful thing in the world and they fucking suck.

#writer #creative writer #creative writing #poet #mental health #mental breakdown #mental illness #mental problems #mental wellbeing #bpd #actually borderline #borderline personality disorder #borderline personality problems #borderline pd #angst poetry #adhd brain #living with adhd #adhd stuff #emotions #feelings are scary #in my feelings

[sasquapossum]

[image: black and white drawing of two wolves, superimposed so that the muzzle of the left-looking one is also the muzzle of the right-looking one in a slightly different pose. It’s easy to flip between seeing one or the other, but hard to see both at once. Credit to https://www.moillusions.com]

I have Schrödinger’s ADHD, and maybe Schrödinger’s Autism as well. Both there and not there, the “truth” for any moment only determined after the fact. For a while now, I’ve been thinking (and occasionally telling others) that I don’t know whether I have either condition or not. In a way it doesn’t matter, because if I do then I clearly have a robust set of coping strategies as well. It certainly does run in my family, especially the men on my father’s side. I have an uncle who was profoundly autistic as a child, but when he was about 20 he must have hit on some way to compensate (with no help from family or therapists so kudos to him) and has totally “passed” ever since. Evaluations are expensive, so why bother if it’s not affecting me too much? Another metaphor that kind of works for the is the good old “two wolves” only in my case it’s ND Wolf and NT Wolf. (I love that image above and might try to get it on a shirt BTW.) They both exist and will always exist. I can choose which one to feed, but the other never goes away. Here are some examples of how this has played out in my life.

In my work, I have gone through periods of what I (vaguely) think of as “heads down” mode - days to weeks of such intense focus on a particular problem that I barely eat, sleep, etc. It was kind of something I could control, but also kind of not: the pull was always there, and I knew I would eventually succumb whether or not I found a productive outlet. Is that ADHD behavior (or perhaps bipolar), or is it just “normal” variation?

When I had a child, I became reluctant to go into a mode where I shut everyone else out, because you can’t (or anyway shouldn’t) shut out your child. Perhaps that’s a warning for my ND friends who might have kids themselves. I might not have too many words to describe it, but it’s a pretty intense struggle.

Similarly, when I retired it was because I just didn’t want to devote those chunks of my life to others’ benefit. I still get a bit carried away, e.g. with archery or resin crafting, but it feels better even though it’s arguably less satisfying intellectually (the programming problems I was known for solving were hard).

When I wore out my second stairclimbing machine and decided that I should find a new kind of exercise, I eventually settled on running. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to stick with it unless I absolutely geeked out on it, so I did. You would not believe how much time I’ve spent thinking about gear and form and routes, but without that I would have quit years ago.

There are other things I carefully avoid because I know they would exceed my ability to pull out. That’s why I don’t play MMOs. I’ve seen them totally suck in my brother (twice) and don’t want that for myself. I’ve seen the same with my wife and Killer Sudoku or Nonograms. I know I have to pace myself with getting into a new TV or book series, or some kinds of video games, because I’ll get totally absorbed into studying the lore underneath. Even in retirement, I don’t feel like I can afford that.

When I replay a social interaction in my mind (itself probably a “not quite normal” thing to do apparently) I experience an odd kind of duality. One moment I’m hyper-aware of how I was consciously thinking and planning my way through it as someone with autism might do. The next moment I’m hyper-aware of how I was handling it intuitively, as a neurotypical person might. Flip, flop, flip, flop. In reality I suppose both elements were present, and everyone has at least a little of both, but I can choose which one to see almost exclusively and that feels weird.

In many ways, these tendencies have been positive for me. “Heads down mode” was great for my career. My obsessive behavior around running has been good for my health. It’s something I have to manage about myself, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. Neurodivergence is a different ability (or several), not a disability. Its existence should be recognized and respected, not “fixed” or condemned.

I’m not particularly going anywhere with this, really. Just thinking out loud, and I guess crafting long posts like this (like the blog posts I wrote for many years) is another example of not-quite-NT behavior. I just have to, y’know? It’s like an itch I have to scratch, sooner or later. Usually I post the results, but also you wouldn’t believe how much time I’ve spent on stuff that’s still in my drafts. I’ll just close with a couple more images (artists unknown this time) that also illustrate the kind of duality I’m talking about. Enjoy!

#adhd #autism #neurodivergence #optical illusions #schrodinger #probably had one or the other too #quite likely both #long post

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

please please please do NOT give up on medicating your adhd because you have a bad experience during your first attempts. finding the right medication/dosage combo takes trial and error, but it can feel like a MIRACLE once you do.

Being medicated isn’t for everyone, but it is a powerful tool in our toolbox. and I am seeing way too many people giving up that option prematurely, because they are unware that:

there are different medication options. they do not all have the same side effects, and not all are amphetamines 

dosage matters. if you are discontinuing bc of side effects, consider trying a lower dose first

some side effects will balance out after the first few weeks if you stick with it. you are looking for a longterm solution, so give it time.

a good doctor will be willing to work with you to find a regime that works

finding the right meds/dosage combo will take trial and error. and it will be worth it once you do.

#not a shitpost #serious post #actuallyadhd #adhd #i'm 'pro-medication' not in that i think everyone with adhd needs to be medicated #but i think a TON of us would be happier and more functional if we were on the right medication/dosage combo #unfortunately that is SUCH an individual thing that it can be burdensome to figure out just what that IS #this combined w/ healthcare hurdles mean that many of us give up prematurely on finding a regime that works #both bc of how frustrating the process is #AND bc you just aren't aware of the IMMENSE AND OUTRAGEOUS DIFFERENCE being properly medicated can make #not until you've experienced it yourself #seriously it is the mental equivalent of putting on a pair of glasses after years of walking around in a fog #and then you realize HOLY SHIT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SEE THE WHOLE TIME? #I'VE BEEN WALKING AROUND BUMPING INTO THING AND YOU BASTARDS COULD FUCKING SEE???? #THIS IS WHAT CLARITY LOOKS LIKE?????? #anyway if you aren't medicated bc of bad experiences in the past #please be aware there are other options that can make a ridiculously big difference #and also things like maturity/weight gain/time/health changes can mean that you'll tolerate medication better now than in the past #anyway if adhd is affecting your life and ability to do the things you want #i really recommend at least talking to your doctor about trying a low dose of something

[simplepotatofarmer]

cc!techno roleplay appreciation*!

(*actual, not clickbait)

there's been so much negativity about techno's rp style that i just want to make a post of all the things i adore and appreciate

he has excellent timing. whether it's with logging in at exactly the right moment - the pet war, the red banquet - or speaking up at the best time - 'that's going to be a problem, dream' - or chat comments. honestly, the little moments that he pops in to make some quip in chat only to leave again are wonderful. they lightening the mood or show some insight to his perspective and i love it.

on that same note, it's really endearing to me that he so clearly watches his friends' streams closely enough to do that! he's invested in what they're doing, even when he's not actually involved.

he's extremely consistent with not only his style but his reactions and his character. that isn't to say his character hasn't changed but that he's always changed in a way that was consistent and made sense. he's given in character explanations as to why his character reacts the way he does in serious situations, stating that he deals poorly with them. it sets up the perfect reason for him to stick to his desire to keep his streams light.

again, on that note, his streams honestly are perfect for people like me who struggle with anxiety/ptsd. i can watch them without worry or concern that it might trigger me. i know exactly what i'm getting with a techno lore stream.

he still manages to keep up the suspense, despite being extremely consistent with his tone. it'd be easy to think that nothing bad will ever happen to his character but we've seen bad things happen. i remember being worried for both him and carl during the butcher army bit. when he gave his will to phil, i was honestly emotional and concerned for him!

he's great at visual roleplay and playing to the camera. techno's ability to pick the right moment to look at the camera/turn to the person he's talking to, is so so wonderful. it always adds a punch of humor or serves to highlight something important. both the birthday and prison stream are great examples of that! his looks back to his friends, showing how they're his support, the clear and deliberate focusing on important aspects of the prison so we know that he knows it's a trap without spelling it out. he sets up a ton of visual subtext and it's amazing.

his character arc is touching and well-written. it is absolutely heart-warming to see a character that entered the story to help others, felt betrayed and used and struggled with those feelings, who thought being alone was the only way to be safe, learn to trust his friends and be safe with them.

techno shows us how subtle changes and losses can be just as impactful as large and dramatic ones. techno's character has suffered losses and hurts and deals with those in a consistent for his character way. it's subtle but it's there. going off to the north, becoming a pacifist which was a complete 180 for him was great because it was a small thing but a realistic one to seeing your tactic fail. and his changes now are also subtle but impactful! starting the syndicate was a show of how he's changed. he never really spells these things out for us, but allows us to see it.

he has amazing lines that stick with you. i got into dsmp because of techno and specifically because of his 'i'm a person!' and 'don't you see what's happening here?' lines. they're poignant, they're always spot on in character, and they're always delivered so well. he has a great way of acting that is consistent to his character and style yet still hits you hard. 'for you the world' is said so softly and with so much affection that i honestly tear up thinking about it.

speaking of, his acting is just great. his slow deliberate laughs, the hint of panic when he's trying to stall in high pressure situations, the firm but gentle attempts at comforting others - 'healing's a long process, it's fine' 'it's okay, calm down, dream' - and the worry and fear that comes out when his friends are in danger (phil under house arrest, ranboo being trapped in the hole by bad). it's great and never seems out of place for his character!

he gives us so many insights into his character merely by the way he interacts with the world and other characters. it's honestly so refreshing to see a character that really just shows us what he's like through small actions. i love seeing those moments because they all add up to this big, complex picture. we get to see it all, from big moments like his speeches and doomsday to small moments like feeding animals and giving food to people and it's all just as important!

cc!techno, despite real life challenges, tries to include as many people as he can. hearing niki and puffy etc. talk about how he's always trying to include people was just so sweet. during the birthday stream, he kept focusing on niki and trying to give her attention and i genuinely thought that was great.

the writing for his character is wonderful. as a former english major and writer myself, i love the stories/arcs he writes for his character. again, it's always consistent and makes sense but it also serves as something different! it's a different perspective and style, a different type of a character, one that doesn't have large obvious changes, but does change and more impactfully, brings change with him.

as a long time RPer and DM, cc!techno is exactly the kind of rp partner i would want or the sort of player i would want at my table. he brings something different but easy to work with. he's happy to step back and let other people have their moments. he reacts in a way that's easy for others to play off of but also keeps things light which is helpful because rp can be high pressure, especially in front of such a large audience and live. his presence is comforting and i love when you can hear his friends trying not to laugh.

"i have a pickaxe and i'll put it through your teeth!"

anyway, as someone with adhd and anxiety, i just want to say i appreciate cc!techno and his roleplaying so much! it's comforting, it's easy for me to understand his tone, his emotions come through clearly without being overwhelming and he genuinely adds so much to the server and story!

#technoblade #dream smp #bladeblr #dsmp #dsmpblr #dream smp analysis #dsmp analysis #technoblade positive #loyal talks about stuff and things #listen.....i just love him and i got really sad and had a bad rsd reaction earlier #so i wanted to give as much positivity as i possibly could! #also feel free to add on if you think of something you enjoy! #also also i love saying something isn't clickbait when it's literally not even close to being clickbait idk why it's just funny to me

[ratsoh-writes]

SO who has the ability to read minds ONLY if they headpat the person/monster. Main 10.

Obviously I’m writing this like the guys already know about SOs power and SO is good at respecting boundaries

Sans: he’s onto you. Whenever you head-pat him, all you hear is the rickroll song. And sans is NEVER caught off guard lol.

Papyrus: lol, so most of the time you head-pat papyrus, you’ll get general thoughts like what he wants to make for dinner and such. But if you catch him staring and pat before he can move away, you’re view of sweet innocent papyrus is getting shattered ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). It’s not his fault his datemate is so attractive!!

Star: trying to read stars mind is like trying to find words in a huge swimming pool of alphabet soup. His thoughts are all over the place. This is probably how Star finds out he has ADHD

Honey: ok most of the time, the things honey thinks do not come out right when he tries to say them out loud. So if you two are cuddling and you pat his head, you’ll find out that your boyfriend is actually secretly super smooth ;)

Red: your powers are a blessing from heaven for him. Red sucks at feelings and sharing when he’s upset. It’s but because he doesn’t want to open up though. He just can’t seem to get the words right. So red has a habit of placing your hand on his head when he has something really important he wants to share.

Edge: never ever ever pet his head while he’s ranting. Or else you’ll just hear the worst screeching of your life. The sound inside edges mind is even louder than what comes out of his mouth. You have been warned

Mal: mal loves it when you place your hand on his head while he’s talking to customers. It lets him say all the mean one liners he has without loosing business. And you get some fine entertainment. Win win lol

Cash: this should surprise no one, but cash has four parts to his mind: pranks, the booty ;), his love for musicals and numbers, and the secret fourth section dedicated to the sad stuff. If cash moves his face away from your living embrace, you know he’s having bad thoughts

Oak: he already doesn’t like people touching his head anyways, so your power rarely comes into play. If it does, it’s probably oak asking you if you know anything about a memory he’s trying to recall.

Willow: unless you can fly too, the only time you pet willows head is when he intentionally lets you. Being eight feet tall makes his face kinda hard to reach lol. Willow is shy about asking for affection so if he’s feeling the need, he makes sure his head is in reach and hopes that you’ll graze against him ;)

#undertale imagines #undertale headcanons #undertale #underswap #underfell #swapfell #horrortale

[pokedashwarrior55]

ULTRA LONG TIME TWIN HEADCANNONS

@sippin-on-waterfalls your post is ready

From Pokedash and Purplefern

Ooooooookay here we go.

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-Krux perceives time slower than others so he is easily late to events (plus he gets distracted and way into projects so he can easily lose track of time, ironically) so he could end up missing a lot of Elemental Alliance meetings

-Acronix made sure he informed Krux it was time to go (whenever he remembers, anyway) otherwise he’d be uber late all the time. Good thing they always go together

-Acronix is super early all the time because of his powers and he and Griffon Turner’s grandfather got along really well

-All the same, between lack of attention span, focusing on other things, and not caring for the meetings in general, Krux and Acronix miss a LOT of meetings 

-Before alliance meetings Wu is training little Morro and the Twins and the Master of Speed just waltz in the monastery doors an hour early

-Acronix teaches Morro some sick fighting moves (some rather underhanded)

-Krux advises him to never let people get away with harm cause you are the most important thing in your life. (Revenge!)

-Wu be like plz stop encouraging my kid into violence and dishonorable tactics.

-Krux brought refreshments to an EA party exactly once. It was pickled beet tea and nobody liked it. He took it very personally. 

-Back during the war, the love triangle with Misako was actually a love rectangle. Krux had a crush on her too but he literally had no idea how to act on it so his part of the rectangle was staring at her longingly from afar and not saying anything. 

-Yes Acronix teased him immensely about this. And tried to act as a wingman several times but Krux swore if he did he would murder him 

-Pre-series, Misako would do work for the museum a lot, so she ended up working with Sanders Saunders quite often. Despite her relationship to Wu and Garmadon and their “history”, he did like working with her ok

-They both also worked with the Explorer’s Club a lot, and have equal disdain for Cecil Putnam and Clutch Powers 

-Krux hates Cecil’s stuffy rules (even though he couldn’t show it while being Dr Saunders) and Clutch’s….everything

-Krux’s doctorate is real, and he has a doctorate in History and and Master’s degree in Museum Studies 

-He’s the Curator of History at the museum, and the other curator is the curator of natural sciences 

-Acronix is a big nicknames guy. He doesn’t usually call people by their actual names. Only the people he actually cares about or that he super hates. 

-But he also generally despises nicknames given TO him. The only people allowed to call him Nix/Nixie are  his brother and mother (and later Shannon). 

-Krux only calls Acronix "Nix" if he's feeling particularly vulnerable/scared/etc (so like, when being the older twin isn't feeling that fun and he decides to ignore those 3 minutes and be more like the "younger" twin.) So this becomes a lot less as he becomes more arrogant. 

-(Based on how he describes Dareth getting beat up by the Vermillion warrior) Krux likes watching wrestling. It’s a guilty pleasure of his 

-And of course Acronix loves it once he learns about it, so the two watch it together 

-Krux occasionally plays strategy board games. He tried to get Acronix into them but he found them boring. 

-(Sometimes he’ll suck it up and play with him anyway, though.) 

-Both are sass masters

-Both also like science

-But like completely different facets of science. 

-Krux of course likes the more stable and earthy sciences. Biology and geology, ecology. Those elemental science that have always existed but we just haven’t yet understood them

-Krux is also a total history nerd. Things like paleontology and anthropology are also really interesting to him 

-Yes he was a dinosaur kid. (Especially since dinosaurs had just started to be discovered back in his day.) 

-Acronix of course likes advancement and the otherworldly sciences. Technology, Astronomy. Sure we build upon the discoveries of the past but what about creating something new for the future? 

-Acronix does like bioengeneering since it is a new advancement but he knows saying so would make Krux grin with “I told you bio was cool” vibes

-Krux can engulf himself into his work or his schemes for days. As he is very patient. 

-Acronix is less so. He sees time constantly moving forward so sitting idle to “Plan” seems a ridiculous waste of time. 

-He jumps from activities quickly as the novelty of it wears off and he is always on a quest for what's new and what may work, not really what has been confirmed to work

-Krux of course sees this as a fool's errand. We need to respect the knowledge we have and use it and plan with it. 

-But when they are in sync you should be SCARED

-Both thinking in the Present can make them in perfect harmony, Both in fighting and talking.

-Their different planning methods can help eachother get things done. So yes, when they work together you should be scared 

-Krux can get really fixated on an idea, and get into major creative blocks. Acronix helps propose out of the box solutions that keep his ideas moving forwards that he wouldn’t have thought of himself. 

-But as we see they can also be reeeeallly different and fight over the miniscule things.  

-Krux lingers on Grudges easily as he physically cannot not put value to the events of the past.

-Acronix’s main grudge with the alliance came from his ego and arrogance, not his element. I think he feels very internally about wrongs to him in the moment but if he sees nothing really changed a couple of days later he loses interest in holding such a grudge easily

-Each of them have the ability to not be affected by the other’s powers

-Acronix has no patience to listen to anything he doesn’t want to hear. Back when he had his powers he COULD and WOULD just “skip” peoples’ dialogue if he got bored of it. 

-Krux has a bad habit of “freezing” people if he feels like they’re interrupting him. Like, he will freeze people who are trying to get him to stop working on something while he’s trying to get something done, and then get back to them when he feels like it. Everyone has to work on his time. (Annoyingly, this does not affect his brother, which is why Acronix is the only one who can actually get him to stop working on his projects.) 

-Whenever Krux & Acronix would hang out with Chen, Acronix loved messing with Clouse. Clouse reminds him of his brother, but even more stuffy and annoyed somehow, so he just has an instinctual urge to annoy him as much as possible. 

-(Clouse does not appreciate this, but Master Chen says they’re “important” to his plan so Clouse just suffers quietly.) 

-Acronix likes the Master of Speed, but also finds it annoying that he can resist his slo-mo powers by going really fast. (On the bright side, though, this does make him the closest thing to an equal he’ll get for a sparring partner, if Krux doesn’t want to train with him for whatever reason.) 

-Because of his element, Sound is one of the rare people who doesn’t really mind Krux but REALLY dislikes Acronix. Acronix is just so loud all the time and it physically pains him because he is so sensitive to vibrations and volume. Krux is generally pretty quiet so doesn’t bug him as much. 

-Acronix is an Entrepreneur (ESTP)  and Krux is an Architect (INTJ) 

-They have no Feeling whatsoever

-Otherwise, they are complete opposites

-Both of these personality types hate rules, regulations, and micromanaging restricting authority figures (hmm, wonder why they broke away from the alliance…)

-Acronix is arrogant in the way that he doesn’t care about his flaws, because obviously he is awesome and everyone else is just jelly, Krux is arrogant in the way that he hates people pointing out his flaws, because shut up he doesn’t have any 

-Their mother is Polaris, they take after her physically 

-Father is Kronos, they got their powers and ego from him 

-Their father actively encouraged them to have immense pride in their element -- being the former master of time himself 

-Ordered them the sweet matching armor

-He was a samurai back in his day, which is why the Twims wore samurai helmets.

-Between their two loving parents, the Twims were nearly spoiled 

-Krux and Acronix grew up pretty rich, Kronos was pretty much high society and Polaris was too 

-They went to a fairly fancy private school growing up

-But everyone there were snobs so they didn’t get along well with their classmates (what a surprise)

-Their parents died in a skirmish with Serpentine, leading the Twims to join the alliance full of vengeance. 

-Acronix has a battle scar from being grazed by an anacondrai sword on his left pec cause I said so

-Also a lot of misc snake bit scars and a burn scar from that one time (Ray’s got a bad temper and Acronix likes pressing people’s buttons, so that went super well)

-Acronix super cares about his looks so has a ton of, like, haircare and beauty products. Krux has a single bottle of 3-in-1 and a bar of soap and says that that’s sufficient. 

-Back in the day Acronix had a bunch of oils and whatever for his hair, and when he’s in the present he’s got a bunch of fancy shampoos and such.  He’s definitely the vain one of the two twins

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

A collection of Neurodivergent Twims HCs

-Acronix has ADHD and Krux is autisitc

-Acronix is early, but only to things he remembers. He often forgets dates. And Krux will get involved with something else, and has a warped sense of time. Together, the two miss a lot of EM meetings 

-And when they’re at them, neither of them are good at conversations. Acronix talks a mile a minute and doesn’t let anyone get a word in edgewise. Krux either doesn’t talk to anyone or similarly dominates conversation and doesn’t let anyone else talk. 

-The two also get sent on solo missions alot

-They don’t focus well in a group setting (Acronix generally ignoring the plan for what he prioritizes as the better option and krux simply not being popular with the others and only really battling well beside his brother)

-They are generally strong enough to protect a village by themselves

-The other EM work better with them out of the way since they are “annoying” and no one really likes their arrogance, pride, or entire personhood

-They seem to be happier working only together than with the whole group

-Once during a group charge on a collection of Serpentine races Acronix notices a horde heading in a different direction and follows them impulsive

-All of these things together make them especially unpopular with the other EMs

-Especially with the Master of Ice, who considers their actions disrespectful and often scolds them on their behavior 

-Krux and Acronix can BOTH get hyperfixated on things they are interested in, and can also forget to eat and sleep.

-Acronix struggles with insomnia a lot because his brain doesn’t shut up. Luckily his brother never really sleeps either. They spend a lot of long nights talking about nonsense 

-Acronix tries to use time skip powers to not waste time while sleeping. He skips the night, but he still didn’t get sleep. He crashes after a few days of this and Krux tells him that he’s a moron 

-Acronix has a fidget spinner, which he got for the memes but ended up finding unironically helpful, and gives Krux a fidget cube (which Krux reluctantly accepts and actually does use pretty often.) 

-Before learning what a fidget spinner was he would flip his phone a lot. It was both an easily accessible stim and assurance he knew where it was cause he tended to leave things around at random. 

-Krux used nail-biting as a stim, mostly because it can appear pretty neurotypical 

-Acronix is “annoying” around the ninja during his lil redemption arc, but instead of reacting like the elemental masters, the Ninja actually do research and come to an understanding (especially Zane, who is perceptive, understanding, and has an instantaneous link to the internet). 

-Altogether he’s a little surprised when they actually put effort into tolerating and understanding his differences. Huh. How’s bout that? 

-Jay is also pretty understanding, he’s got a lot of nd cousins and has ADHD himself so it’s kinda just *shrugs*

-Modern dyes and preservatives really trigger Acronix’s ADHD to be even worse than usual. 

-Zane picks up on this, and like the mother hen that he is starts to put in a special effort to keep dyes away from Acronix (or to keep Acronix away from dyes, as the case may be)

-Jay has a similar problem with dyes (which Edna let the Ninja know about, thanks a lot ma ) so Zane works double time to keep them both away from dyes

-Makes special dishes that are “ADHD safe” 

-Neither appreciate it (well Jay does but will complain openly at every chance he gets)

-Acronix got into a lot of trouble with their dad when he was a kid, because he just couldn’t pay attention 

-Has bursts of anger a lot, oftentimes this happens during things like parties or pre-meeting conversations. (which easily leads to him getting a label of “aggressive” or “hotheaded” by the EMs) 

-DEFINITELY struggles with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

-Ninjago history is Krux’s special interest 

-Krux freezes people around him when he needs a sec to destim

-Krux is pretty high-functioning, but is on the borderline. He's high-functioning enough to be aware of himself and mask, but not enough to avoid things like shut/melt downs 

-Acronix is fiercely protective of his brother whenever he shuts down. Messing with Krux while he's like that (whether the antagonist is aware or not) is a one way ticket to his wrath as well as physical punishment. 

-Whenever things got too intense at a meeting/party type thing, Acronix would ditch and sneak them both out whenever Krux was heading towards a shut down. Being the awesome supportive twin that he is, he learned to pick up on the signs of one and was certain to prevent them pretty much whenever possible. 

-Acronix failed in his efforts only once (he was kind of sick that day and wasn’t at the top of his game to be keeping a watchful eye on his bro), and Krux kind of ended up time freezing a few of the EMs in the process. It was something the elemental masters (or Krux himself)  did not soon forget or forgive. 

-He'll go nonverbal sometimes, to the minor aggravation of the alliance. Sign language isn't a thing yet so anyone trying to understand him when he's like this are pretty much reliant on Acronix and his twin sense to translate. 

-When their parents died Krux went nonverbal for a little over a month. 

-Krux was pretty delayed in learning to speak, he didn’t say his first word until he was 3 ¼ 

-Even during his redemption arc, Acronix does not tell the Ninja about Krux's autism, from a built in fear that the knowledge would be used against him in possible future battles. (Also because he knows Krux wouldn't want them to know.) 

-Krux doesn't just hate phones because “ugh technology”, he also just hates talking on the phone because it’s super difficult

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OK there are way more that we have but... did you know there is actually a word limit on Tumblr? Heh heh... If you want more Twim goodness you can read our extensive fanfic collection... or maybe we’ll make a part two (That’ll probably consist of Home life pre-war stuff, post-canon AU junk, Vermillion family nonsense, and more random stuff)

#nijnago #there's a word limit? #text post #headcannon #headcannons #headcannon dump #ninjago headcanons #lego ninjago #ns7 #hands of time #acronix #krux #ninjago krux #ninjago acronix #krux and acronix #acronix and krux #just text #thatsit #acronix has adhd #krux has autism #nuerodivergent time twins #nuerodivergent #explorers club #misako #Sensei Wu #serpentine war #pre-canon #post-canon #long post #bleh

[mellometal]

Is it time to tear ANOTHER Dhar Mann video to shreds? YOU BET.

I've been sitting on this one for a bit because I wanted to make sure I talk about this tactfully. The subject of parents abandoning their disabled children is a very touchy one.

Parents abandoning their disabled children simply for being disabled is way too common. Like, I understand that not everyone has the resources to care for a disabled child (which is why you reach out for help, and why people like me, who work with disabled people, exist), but it doesn't mean you just walk out of their life. There are exceptions, like if you truly didn't want children or something like that, but just flat-out walking out of your kid's life BECAUSE they're disabled is fucked up.

I know someone personally whose biological mother abandoned her when she was born. Why? Because she's disabled. Physically, and mentally, to a point. I work with this woman on a daily basis. I don't really know WHY exactly her biological mother abandoned her, but I do know that her being disabled was part of it. It's sad. It doesn't affect her, thankfully. I'm happy that she's got her biological dad, her brother, and another maternal figure in her life, at least.

ANYWAYS. Before we get to the topic at hand, I need to put an obligatory trigger warning, like I do with EVERY Dhar Mann post:

This post will be talking about parents abandoning their disabled children simply for being disabled, treating disabilities like they're tragedies (in this case, we're talking about autism...again), divorce, and some SPICY ableist bullshit from an allistic (nonautistic) PIECE OF SHIT.

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable in any way, you don't have to read this post. This isn't worth putting yourself in a bad state mentally. I would never ask for any of you to put yourselves in that position all for a post. Put your mental health and well-being first. Consume media that sparks joy for you.

As far as my response goes, it's definitely more calm than normal. Funny....since this video is about autism spectrum disorder again. (Third time's the charm, huh, Dhar Mann? NOT.)

LET'S FUCKING GET IT.

The video starts off with these two parents (Gwen and Allen) in a psychologist's office. The psychologist tells the parents that their son (Chance) is autistic, and she tries to explain what autism is to the parents, but Allen cuts her off. Why? Because he teaches at a prestigious university, so he AUTOMATICALLY knows what autism is from that fact alone.

Um, excuse me? Just because you're a teacher at a prestigious university, it doesn't mean you're an expert in everything. It doesn't make you an expert in ASD or anything like that. Unless you SPECIALIZE in that area. Even then, shut the fuck up. The people who know about being autistic are AUTISTIC PEOPLE THEMSELVES! SHOCKER.

Hey, Dhar Mann! QUIT WITH THE VIDEOS ABOUT AUTISTIC LITTLE WHITE BOYS AND YOUNG WHITE AUTISTIC CISHET MEN! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT. It's annoying, ignorant, and it feels like you're doing this on purpose at this point to piss people off. If you're so uninformed about autism in women and girls, FUCKING ASK AUTISTIC WOMEN AND GIRLS! DO BETTER RESEARCH THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE AUTISM SPEAKS. The Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and the Autistic Women and Nonbinary People Network (AWN) are great organizations to go to for any kind of research on ASD in women and girls. STOP GOING OFF OF THE BRAINS OF AUTISTIC WHITE BOYS AND AUTISTIC WHITE MEN.

I don't feel I need to go too deep into the fact that autistic women, autistic girls, autistic nonbinary people, autistic BIPOC, autistic AAPI, autistic LGBT people, autistic teenagers, and autistic adults exist. Y'all already know.

Gwen asks the psychologist if that means Chance isn't healthy. (I understand not knowing about autism, but don't treat it like it's a terminal illness. Please.) The psychologist tells her that Chance is fine, but he just learns differently and might need more support compared to his peers.

Yeah, autism can affect how you learn about certain things (limited and repetitive patterns), but there are other disabilities that can affect learning as well. Like how dyslexia can affect your ability to read, dyspraxia can affect your ability to do math, and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can affect your ability to focus or on impulse control. Autism affects how your brain is developed, it affects you socially, behaviorally, and how you communicate.

Allen is upset, says that he can't have a son "with a learning disability" (ASD is a neurological disability, not necessarily a learning disability), and treats Chance like he's stupid for being autistic. Gwen tells her husband that autism doesn't make you any less intelligent, WHICH IS SO FUCKING TRUE. ABSOLUTE FACTS. I was totally with her until she began that little monologue with "Just because a person HAS autism". SAY "JUST BECAUSE A PERSON'S AUTISTIC" INSTEAD! IT'S NOT HARD. PERSON FIRST LANGUAGE ISN'T WHAT EVERY DISABLED PERSON PREFERS. Allen says that "they could have another kid" and "put Chance up for adoption". Gwen obviously wasn't down with that. Allen gives his wife an ultimatum that it's either HIM or their son Chance. Gwen says that she can't choose between the two, but she will stand by her autistic son. Allen gets up and leaves the office, saying he wants a divorce.

Years pass by, Gwen is single and taking care of her autistic son Chance, and Allen has a new life with a ✨perfect son✨ (Samuel). He never mentions the son HE abandoned (Chance). He's completely forgotten about Gwen and Chance. (YOU OWE SO MUCH CHILD SUPPORT, ALLEN.)

Hey, Allen, how much do you wanna bet that your ✨perfect son✨ Samuel is autistic too?

There's the SATs, they're announcing a winner, and guess who it is? IT'S OBVIOUSLY CHANCE, OF COURSE. He's got the highest score in the country, with Samuel in second place. Allen is PISSED.

Chance gives a speech about how his mom really helped him, he struggled with autism, how Allen LITERALLY ABANDONED HIM, and THE CROWD GOES FUCKING WILD. Samuel, instead of being a sore loser, APPLAUDS FOR CHANCE. Stay humble, Sam.

My thoughts on the video? If you cannot tell by my tone throughout this post, IT WAS DOG SHIT. This video was insensitive to the true reality of parents abandoning their disabled children just because they're disabled. What do I expect from Dhar Mann at this point?

Here's my response to his video below. Don't worry, I will fully type out my response soon for anyone who cannot read the screenshots easily. It's a lot easier for me to do that on the desktop site than it is for me to do it on my phone.

For anyone who can’t read my response, I’m typing it out for you. Like I said, it’s easier for me to type it out on the desktop site than it is for me to type it out on my phone. It’s a real royal pain in the ass. But because I’m trying to make my posts easier to read for people, I’m doing this anyway. /lighthearted

First, second, and third screenshots (broken up into paragraphs):

Hey, listen, I appreciate the message you’re trying to go for, but can you please stop putting autistic people into a box? Can you stop treating being autistic like it’s a tragedy? Not every single autistic person is a little white boy in elementary school who’s considered “wild and unruly” or “super quiet and makes no friends”, nor are they a young white cishet man who’s a super genius or is how Chris Chan was before she came out as trans. (For anyone who doesn’t know about Chris Chan, there are many documentaries people have made on YouTube, and I highly recommend Geno Samuel’s docuseries, if you’re really interested in learning about Chris Chan.)

Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, BIPOC, APPI, LGBT people, teenagers, and adults all exist too. 

It’s very apparent now that you get your resources from Autism $peaks, a hate group that spends the vast majority of their money on funding eugenics instead of helping autistic people like they claim, claims that only little white boys and young white cishet men are autistic and ignores all other autistic people who don’t fit that description, have no autistic people on their leader board or on any board for that matter, have members who have actually fantasized about k1lling their autistic children, treat autism like it’s a tragedy or a disease someone can catch (completely false), act like autism should be cured (there is no cure, and ABA therapy is a total shit show in itself), and treats autistic people like they’re broken and need to be fixed. Also, not every autistic person is a Super Genius(tm). That’s so demeaning to autistic people who aren’t seen as intelligent in any way. I’m autistic and seen as smart; however, there are subjects I’m stronger in than others.

If you can’t handle the possibility of having autistic children, or just disabled children in general, DON’T HAVE CHILDREN. If you can’t handle working with or alongside disabled people, including autistic people, maybe find a different profession. Even if you do that, you’ll never get away from disabled people. Disabled people aren’t a disease. We’re human beings just like neurotypical and able-bodied people.

Fourth and fifth screenshots (broken up into paragraphs): 

I would highly suggest getting resources from reputable organizations for ASD, such as the Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and the Autistic Women and Nonbinary People Network (AWN). Talk to any autistic person who isn’t a little white boy or a young white cishet man. 

Instead of using the puzzle piece, which is a symbol that many autistic people, myself included, are offended by (because of Autism $peaks and other organizations before them using it, plus it symbolizes that only autistic children exist and that we’re “missing a piece” like we’re broken), use the rainbow infinity sign (for all neurodivergent people) or the red and gold infinity sign (just for autistic people). Instead of “lighting it up blue”, light it up red or gold. Do both if you want. 

I’m actually really sick and tired of seeing just autistic little white boys and young autistic white cishet men being represented in the media, and y’all manage to fuck that up too. 

Before anyone mentions Sia’s movie “Music”, that’s also very poor representation of autistic girls. Besides, the actress who played the autistic girl isn’t even autistic. She MOCKED autistic people. I know she’s a kid, but that’s still super fucked up. I hope she’s able to turn that around. 

If anyone would like to discuss this topic with me or ask any questions, feel free to. I’ll answer as best as I can. Thank you and have a good night.

Before I get attacked for mentioning Chris Chan in my response, I bring up Chris Chan because allistic people think that every autistic person is like her (especially before she came out as trans). That person is part of why I wasn't open about being autistic or talking about my diagnosis until this year. I didn't want to be grouped up with Chris Chan because I do have very similar interests to her, I've been seen as cringey for having said interests, and just the way Chris treated autistic people who were formerly diagnosed with A$p3rg3r$ $yndr0m3 (like I was) really made me feel even more alienated.

Also, S1a supports A$ (Autism $p3aks). She's not a very good person to support. Some of her music is good, but her as a person....no. Her movie "Music" was gross, from what I've read about it and seen pictures of.

If you've read this far, thank you so much!

#mello speaks #dhar mann #dhar mann talk #dhar mann will live to regret his decision to make these fucked up cringe videos #dhar mann will live to regret his decision uwu #dhar mann is a piece of human garbage #please stop supporting dhar mann #autism isn't a tragedy #we need better representation for autistic people who aren't little white boys or young white cishet men #dhar mann is a cringe ass nae nae baby #tw abandonment #tw ableism #cw sia mention #cw chris chan mention #tw dhar mann

[docholligay]

Hi, Doc. I am currently struggling with the tone of my thoughts on certain topics, and would like to change it. It's quite the challenge so far. If you'd like to share, I'd love to hear some of the strategies you used to help change your general mindset to a more positive/appreciative one. Thanks!

I'm so glad you reminded me of this because this is a post I keep meaning to make and then not doing it!

I think people have this assumption that I was just born with a cheerful and chipper outlook, and I don’t think that’s true and to some extent, not even fair. I’m sure there IS some quality of inborn brightsidedness to me, but I really do make a distinct effort to try and remind myself of that which is beautiful and good and wonderful about this world.

It can be hard, seeing as we’re kind of living in an age where happiness and positivity are seen with suspicion at best, and as some sort of lie or conspiracy at worst. There’s a wide fucking chasm in between necessary venting on an individual bad day and using negativity as the method through which we connect with other people, which makes finding joy seem like a crime.

ANYWAY

Here are some general tips, from me to you, about turning your face to the sun.

Physical activity!

Nobody ever wants to hear this one, but honestly physical activity is so helpful for getting out of your own head. What this means for you is going to depend dramatically on what your level of physicality looks like now, but you want to be working hard enough that you sweat. For me, that’s a 4-6 mile run. For someone, it might be a long walk or a dance video. I find that I have a few hours of calm and peace in my mind afterwards. It’s been an immense help in coping with my ADHD over the course of my life.

Touch grass

Honestly going outside, especially in the sun, is such a huge game changer. I do it even in the winter. There’s something very relaxing and fulfilling about literally turning your face to the sun. I think sometimes it’s so easy to stay in our houses, but we need to remember that human beings need enrichment to be happy. We need things that keep our minds active, and a change of venue can be so wonderful and helpful. I go outside, like for at least a ten minute walk, every single day, hell or high water.

Tell yourself

We believe the things we tell ourselves over and over again. If we tell ourselves that we’re stupid, even in jest, we start to believe it on some level. Same with telling ourselves we’re ugly, or hard to be friends with, or anything like that. There’s a difference between being candid with yourself and constantly finding ways to tear down not only yourself but the world around you.

It’s easy to make fun of Pollyanna’s “glad game” but I think there’s some merit in it, where you specifically look for something to be happy or glad or thankful for in your life. When I’m walking, I hear the geese go overhead and think about how much I like when they honk in the air. I look at fat bumblebees in the flowers and how much joy they give me. I buy myself clearance grocery store blooms and remark at how lucky I am to be able to bring some specialness and beauty into my home for three dollars. I lie down at night and think about how soft my sheets are and how nice they feel. I goddamn near say shehehiyahu every year when it’s the first day that it’s cold enough to wear one of my lovely thrifted cashmere sweaters that I looked so hard for. There are beautiful things in our lives, small things, and if we cultivate an appreciation of those small things, they become easier and easier to see.

“But Doc, when I’m out, I don’t see fat bumblebees in flowers or--” yeah that leads me to my next point.

Put Down Your Goddamn Phone

Someday, someday, we are going to admit that we can both really enjoy our smartphones and that they can very easily have a deleterious effect on our lives. When you’re out taking that ten minute walk, stop doomscrolling, stop waiting for that hit of dopamine from a flashgame and cultivate a slower, more constant appreciation of things. I know it’s hard! I know! With the baby I can’t have my phone off on Saturdays and holy shit has it been rough not getting addicted to it all over again. That one day a week pause was a game-changer for my mental health and I can’t wait til I can do it again. But just for a little bit, on a walk, notice the small things in this world. Maybe it’s a kid playing ball in a yard, or something, a particularly soft looking kitty in a window, but beauty is there, if we just look. I promise. There are small and powerful delights in this world.

I see things because I’m looking.

You are not helpless

Honestly, living my values to the best of my ability makes me feel happier and more positive. Hopelessness is a huge problem, and so I think it’s better, often, if we stop obsessing about the things we can do, and start focusing on the things we can, and making a bigger, wider, more expansive view of what we CAN do. As most of you know, there’s a bunch of industries and businesses I don’t support, and while I may not be able to stop them, it gives some peace to know I’m not a participant. I cannot fix everything that is broken in this world, but I can argue at City Council meetings about things that directly affect my community, and I can be in my neighborhood committee to try and make my neighborhood better, and I can hold that I hate Christmas but still volunteer for the big Christmas thing they put on for foster kids because that’s HELPING. We are too old for Mr. Rogers “Look for the helpers,” we must become the helpers that children look for, and this, I think, is a thing that can make you HAPPY. I think knowing what you bring to this world can bring a sense of purpose and joy.

If none of this was what you meant to ask, then I’m sorry, but this is generally how I keep myself a better, happier, more cheerful sort of person.

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Hi Pom💙 This is kind of a weird thing to ask and if you don’t wanna answer I completely understand.

What was your experience with getting diagnosed with autism? Was it hard, did you get diagnosed late, or misdiagnosed? The reason I’m asking is because I’ve been suspecting I have another neurodivergency besides dyslexia (most likely autism and/or ADHD). According to my mom, when I was getting diagnosed, the lady or whoever was diagnosing me said that I didn’t have autism (and my best guess is that they said I didn’t have anything else) but I have a really hard time believing that. I show a lot of traits that do with both experiences (hyper fixation, picky eating, eye contact issues, stimming, the list could probably go on) and it’s hard to believe I don’t have at least one. I know that autism and ADHD is harder to detect in women and I also heard about something called “masking” (which I’m pretty sure I do) so maybe that’s why? Or maybe I’m just a alltistic trying too hard to figure out what’s wrong with myself, idk. I want to talk to a therapist about it but 1) it’s kind of hard to talk to my mom about that stuff and 2) I’m pretty sure she’s ableist and would specifically tell me and my siblings not to do things in fear of people thinking there was “something wrong with us.” I try to talk to my friends about it but ofc, there neurotypical-selves water it down to “everyone does that” or “I do that” or something to ignore my feelings (not shocking bc they don’t like to hear about the things I’m interested either way and I usually don’t tell them because I feel like I’m always annoying them). Anyways, thank you for reading my half question/half rant thing💞. - 💌

Hey friend! I actually get this question more often than people probably think, lol. Unfortunately, my answer is a bit disappointing for many because I went through this process when I was a toddler. I wasn't late diagnosed, I've known since I was a child that I had a moderate developmental delay that was — not much later — labeled Autism. That being said, I have general advice and things to consider.

I think it's great to explore yourself and self-reflect to learn more about who you are and what identities you might possess. However, there is also a tendency as of late to conflate basically all neurodivergency together (not by you, but I'm afraid about the misinformation I see running rampant about what qualifies as an "Neurodivergent" trait). This becomes a problem because there are a few defining traits and features of each disorder, and it's virtually impossible for the person experiencing them to be able to distinguish most of them.

Also unfortunate is that most (good) psychiatrists will require testimony from your young childhood in order to establish a diagnosis. A lot of the distinguishing characteristics are most prevalent in the years you won't remember, which is why late diagnosis is so difficult. This means that, if your mother is unwilling to testify truthfully, a formal diagnosis is going to be a steep uphill battle for you. An expert and a family member are typically needed for a diagnosis, which leads me to my second and most important point.

Consider why you want a formal diagnosis. I've noticed a horribly unsettling trend where people are dramatically underestimating how much that piece of paper can affect your life. Your reliability, your parenting ability, your driving ability, your ability to get a job, your success in academia, your ability to immigrate to other countries, can all be affected by a formal diagnosis.

Autism, unlike more mainstream disorders like ADHD and Dyslexia (both with rich communities and unique struggles), is heavily stigmatized. You have a much higher risk of discrimination than the others. I don’t say this to be all oppression Olympics, but because it’s very important to consider whether you want to open yourself up to that specific brand of abuse.

It sounds to me like you feel that your environment would not welcome a diagnosis even if you had one. I am here to assure you that if you feel that way, it’s unfortunately probably true. That piece of paper does absolutely nothing to make people suddenly start caring or wanting to help you. In my experience, it’s usually just handing them another weapon to use against you.

The sad, upsetting reality is that people who don't believe won't ever believe you, no matter who else agrees with you. And I'm really sorry they are like that. You deserve better. You deserve people who care about your comfort. But I worry that people who seek out a late diagnosis for their own peace of mind are opening themselves up to more harm than they are anticipating.

For these reasons, I tend to only suggest people get a diagnosis if they need formal accommodations. For me, I needed a diagnosis because I was being put in SpEd, I was non-speaking for a decent amount of time, and I needed speech therapy when I did start speaking. As soon as I stopped needing accommodations, my family stopped telling people. Most people in my life have figured it out themselves or just write off my behavior as "quirky" or "odd."

As for masking, I think that's something that is essentially impossible for you to know if you're doing it (well). The idea that any disorder is "unique" for a specific gender has also been mostly debunked, because it's really just whether or not the symptomology is aligned with societal expectations, rather than actually presenting differently. Further, there are men who will present with the "female" Autism (now usually referred to as "atypical" autism). It is, after all, a wide spectrum.

At the end of the day, I believe self-diagnosis is acceptable, and probably the best option for many people. It takes years of self-reflection, investigation into your own childhood, and a lot of trial and error. That being said, I also don't think its necessary to live a full, comfortable life. If you find things people suggest for XYZ disorder help you, then by all means, DO IT. It doesn't matter if you have a pathology or not. Be friends with autistic people if it makes you happier. Enjoy and engage with the community if you want to! Accommodations and advocacy help everyone.

If you want to talk about it more, feel free to message me. Otherwise, I probably won't answer much else here because it's remarkably hard to discuss this stuff generally. Also, I don't know you so I can't really help without a lot more information. Neurotype really is unique to every individual person, and there actually is something to the idea that anyone can have traits from any neurodivergent condition without having a pathology. Most autistic traits are seen in neurotypicals to some degree, but that doesn't make them Autistic.

But again, regardless of pathology or neurotype, you deserve to be comfortable, and you deserve to have the conditions necessary to thrive. That's the most important thing to know. You don't need a psychiatrist for that to be true. I hope you find your answers and some peace ❤️

#answer #answered

[bpdanakins]

i just infodumped to my friends about bpd anakin and i have No Regrets snakjdkajfsk

anyway, doth thee have any more bpd anakin (or just anakin in general) headcanons becuase i am living for this

I am So Sorry this took so long, but hopefully the length makes up for it. Thank you so much for sending this to me bc BPD!Anakin is my entire life. I could talk about it all day, every day.

I’d like to thank @apple-grass-and-smiles for helping me organize my Thoughts on all of this, prompting me to focus on certain things and giving me feedback in general too. 

Okay, here goes:

Anakin fidgets!! I’m not even sure if this is a headcanon but if it is I will die on this hill. He can’t stay still for the life of him and doubly so when he’s anxious, nervous or Ready To Do Something Already. 

We know Anakin can’t hold eye contact to save his life when he’s upset or insecure, but I can also see him having issues with touch when he’s upset, unless it’s from certain people only (Padmé always gets a pass, for example).

Anakin’s quick to let some small stuff go, but larger things people do that hurt him (whether intentionally or not) aren’t really ever forgotten, and he just kind of takes that in and suppresses it, until random moments when it pops up, he remembers, and it just hurts like it’s happening all over again. The people around him often have no idea what fully sets him off, bc to them, his reaction now seems out of nowhere while his mind’s still stuck on this other thing.     - His reactions also seem sometimes like they’re Over The Top, but even just remembering past hurts can feel almost disabling at times. It’s worse when he ends up ruminating on it, because the hurt and feelings of betrayal just keep building up over and over until it almost blots everything else out.

When he’s happy or surrounded by those he loves, everyone kind of can feel it too, bc he’s just fuckoff powerful in the Force and esp other Force sensitives kind of gather around his space and just… his affection and excitement are literally infectious. 

This probably runs closer to ADHD than BPD for sure, but get him talking about anything mechanical (robotics, engineering, racing, etc) and he will go from 0 to 100 so fast you’d get whiplash. No one minds though bc, as I said, his excitement is infectious and honestly those around him just adore listening to him go off even though half of it goes over their head.     - Ahsoka may not ever get Gotta Go Fast, but she definitely loves it when he really talks her ear off about all this stuff, bc it makes her excited to learn and she picks up on all of it easily. (There’s a part of her that wants to emulate him and she does def look up to him obviously.)     - We see it with Obi-Wan, but people love to use his love of all things mechanical as a way to distract him from things that upset him. It doesn’t always work but they try.

With Obi-Wan, he ends up on the side of Anakin’s splitting like, all the time. And unfortunately sometimes Obi-Wan can’t tell that Anakin’s lashing out not because of something Obi-Wan’s actually done, but bc Anakin’s young and Obi-Wan’s the figure he can project a lot of his frustrations on.     - It can lead Obi-Wan to being confused and hurt sometimes, bc he doesn’t always understand Anakin’s thought processes when this happens, and it definitely sometimes cuts him to the core. On the reverse side, though Anakin might not always say it to his face, Obi-Wan definitely can overhear him at times when Anakin’s ready to 1v1 anyone who even so much as makes a frowny face about Obi-Wan, which helps Obi-Wan remember that Anakin does love him too, actually.     - It ends up being one of the points of frisson between Anakin and Mace, bc Anakin can’t read body language perfectly, especially when it comes to feelings of abandonment or someone seemingly not loving who Anakin loves to the same degree. Mace has a drier sense of humor at times and defs has a more resting frowny face, and this rankles Anakin at times bc he can’t always tell when Mace is just chilling vs being disappointed, and while Anakin will take it all personally, he ALSO takes any perceived criticism to those he loves personally too.     - Both Mace and Obi-Wan don’t get this bc they have a perfectly fine relationship. Anakin’s just Like That.     - (And super overprotective of people’s perceptions of Obi-Wan. Anakin will go off about Obi-Wan being mean and all that, but fuck you and your entire family tree if you ever even think Obi-Wan’s anything short as the most amazing Jedi to ever Jedi.)

Everybody and their mother can see the pedestal Anakin puts Padmé on, and surprisingly she rarely is on the end of his splitting. When he does, he just internalizes it bc he can’t stand the idea that he’s somehow seen her in a wrong light, or he feels guilty for getting angry with her.     - He also defines a huge chunk of his life around loving her, making her his center for a lot of his decisions and reactions, so when they’re off, his whole world seems backwards. It makes him Really uncomfortable and unsure. He gets panicky and upset and often people have no idea what the cause is so they just end up a lil panicky in return.     - He tends to take it out on others, by doing an exercise or by disappearing to fiddle with something.     - Pads has an easier time recognizing Anakin’s emotional needs, bc in some ways they’re the same as hers. She’s good at reaching out to him, comforting him and reassuring him of her love. And in turn, he like, never fucking shuts up about how much he loves her, and those moments are what make her feel so special around him. Being loved by Anakin makes someone feel important and even get tingly, bubbly happy feelings, because it’s hard to doubt it sometimes.     - There’s a part of her that sometimes worries about how Intense he is, but, like I said, when his positive intense emotions are focused on you, it feels wonderful. And he’s genuinely super sweet and gentle, and she appreciates that, when she tells him to back off about something, he’ll listen to her wishes. (I’m using movie Anakin as my base here bc TCW!Anakin in this regard is just…. bad y’all lmao)

Anakin’s anxious about Ahsoka All The Time. He’s afraid he’s a bad teacher, he’s afraid he’ll mess her up somehow, he’s afraid he’ll hurt her or she’ll get hurt, and that’s why he can’t stand the idea sometimes of her being on her own. It’s not a lack of trust in her abilities, but because he feels responsible for her, and that’s why he’s always ready to put himself between her and literally anything that could potentially hurt her. (Even if it’s not a physical threat.)     - There are times she finds this amusing and times this makes her angry, but mostly she is long suffering. There are times she appreciates it though, bc she’s still a kid and isn’t always sure which way is up, especially when in a war. Anakin is often a cornerstone for her, and though she’d literally NEVER admit it, his overprotectiveness can sometimes be a reassurance. She knows she can handle herself just fine, but when she has an inkling of doubt, she’ll remind herself that Anakin will be there, and then go and take care of the problem herself.     - She doesn’t always get his moments where he’s not always falling over himself to talk Obi-Wan up or go out of his way to sass at him. To her, they have a wonderful relationship and she rarely notices when Obi-Wan might say something that pokes at Anakin wrong, so she often just winds up ???? when Anakin is huffy or annoyed with her grandmaster.     - She sees Anakin’s anger issues a little more easily than others, and she worries about it but always brushes it off or downplays it, bc she always sees why he’s angry, and also always just assumes (like everyone else) that he can Handle It.     - Anakin’s recklessness and impulsivity are some of her favourite things about being his padawan. He’s literally never boring to be around, and Ahsoka needs that sort of excitement to sometimes push aside the knowledge that she’s literally in a warzone. Anakin’s also really good at doing this intentionally; he’s literally always worrying after her, and all he wants to do is take care of those he loves and make them happy, so sometimes he’ll be Extra just to get under her skin or distract her and honestly this is the basis of where their playful competitions always come from.

If Ahsoka is long suffering, Rex is doubly so. Sometimes it’s all he can do to keep up with Anakin and Ahsoka, but he appreciates Anakin “thinking outside the box”. He also appreciates knowing that Anakin is just as loyal to him and his men as he himself is (well… Anakin is until he isn’t lmao)     - Rex, like Pads, is really good at picking up Anakin’s moods and even trains of thought, so he’s always able to work around that, or even see where Anakin’s mind is going when coming up with a plan. They make a really good team bc while Anakin can jump from one idea to another without them seemingly correlated, Rex immediately follows Anakin’s leaps and they just end up in sync.     - That being said, Anakin can be really confusing at times. His moods are often so all over the place, that Rex generally has no idea what tf is going on. He deals with it by learning to be calm when Anakin’s unable to, and just ride out Anakin’s worst moods until they pass by, learning not to let it all phase him. Anakin lowkey hates it when he’s upset, but once the worst of it passes, he really appreciates that Rex will just… not press like Obi-Wan, or balances out the moments Anakin’s mind is so cluttered by instead just keeping a good focus on things.

Probably everyone’s most baffling symptom of Anakin’s is his paranoia. Obi-Wan kind of sees it the most, because Anakin is always testy with the Council and often feels put on the spot, dismissed and looked down upon. To everyone else, they don’t get where Anakin’s ideas come from, bc everything seems chill on their end. His fretting about others’ well-being is straightforward enough, but his instant panic-turned-anger shift when he receives any criticism (especially the perceived type) always gives people whiplash. It’s hard to keep up with, hard to see what it was that got to him so much, and hard to know how to help (particularly when they’re worried that trying to help him will feel like “taking sides”).     - Ahsoka takes Anakin’s POV of the Council pretty easily, at least when it comes to him. This is mostly bc she’s not there when there’s a meeting or tension around them, nor was she there when Anakin first arrived, so she just assumes they must genuinely often have issues with him too. She doesn’t see it to the extent Anakin does though, but she recognizes that sometimes he seems to blow things out of proportion when he’s upset, and figures it’ll just blow over once he’s calmed down.     - Pads, on the other hand, is always kind of aware of Anakin’s fears of losing her. He often not-so-subtly looks for reassurances that she loves him and won’t leave him, that she’s feeling alright or not angry/annoyed with him. She chalks it up to his trauma with his mother (and she’s partially right), so even when sometimes it gets on her nerves that he seems to doubt her so much, she tries to remind herself of that and let it go. 

Those closest to him can pick up that Anakin tends to see the negative in things, and is generally really hard on himself. They try to help out by giving praise where it’s due and just overall Being There, but it’s Rough to know they often don’t get through. (Palps, on the other hand, knows how to weaponize this.) 

The saddest part is that I don’t think anyone once thought Anakin was Seriously Ill, partly out of ignorance, partly bc they assumed it had to do with his age/upbringing, and partly bc, eventually, everyone was dealing with trauma and even if someone wanted to send Anakin back to the Temple to have a nap or something, they legit couldn’t bc there was a war going on and he also would never have tolerated it at that point in time.     - Obi-Wan’s the one who worries about all of this the most, because he’s always felt such a huge responsibility for Anakin and loves him a lot, he’s just never fully been able to understand how to get on the same wavelength as Anakin.     - Anakin, too, actually never fully figures out that there is something Going On. Everything’s always overwhelming him and even though he prefers doing things at 100mph, sometimes it seems like there is Too Much going on, and even during peace times it just felt like he couldn’t keep up with everything. He hates internal reflection but also can’t stop overthinking about everything, and so he just ruminates and goes in circles and often just ends up going nowhere when it comes to dealing with things. He tries his hardest all the time, he is ALWAYS trying, but doing stupid stunts, fighting droids, making robots and speeding everywhere all the time is truthfully only a bandaid.     - Being surrounded by those he adores and receiving affection from them/seeing them happy boosts his mood a lot but he doesn’t have enough self-awareness to guess at why his happier moods just won’t last.     - Sometimes he can figure out when he’s being irrational and then just takes it out on himself, which only exacerbates his bad episodes. 

Palpatine doesn’t help. He’s abusive, manipulates Anakin all the time and is the Worst and definitely makes everything Anakin is struggling with harder and I think we should all just punt him into a sun thank you this isn’t a headcanon I just want everyone to know how much I hate him

#this is like... super long im sorry lmao #and it's probably a bit all over the place anyways #long post #also idr much about mace's characterization so i'm Pretty sure he has a dry sense of humour but idr so lmao forgive that #borderline anakin skywalker #also a lil bit of #adhd anakin skywalker #i focused a bit on his bpd + his relationships here #but if there was something else you'd have preferred my ideas on please lmk #or even if this was remotely close to what you wanted in general #star wars #anakin headcanons #this is my first time doing a like... headcanon list or just some rambling list of ideas so skjlkjsd rip me #gray-does-stuff #ask

[bigskydreaming]

I don’t often muse upon PJO, but when I do, its random as hell. 

Anyway, tonight’s thought (singular, also: derogatory, as in very possibly a mistake) is about exploring aspects of the Greek gods that are extrapolations of like, what they’d be like in the modern world instead of just in terms of their ancient myths.....and how that might widen the scope of their demigod children and their powers.

Like take Hephaestus for instance. God of the forge and fire, of invention and artifice......now widen the scope on those things through the lens of the modern age.....might he also be considered the god of modern science, not just in terms of things like engineering and technology, but also physics, chemistry? Or would those things fall more under Athena’s purview......unless you separated them into finer divisions. Like, you could consider Athena’s overview of knowledge and wisdom to make her the goddess of science and higher learning or whatever in general........OR you could separate it like.....Hephaestus is the god of natural or physical sciences like physics and chemistry, and Athena is the goddess of not just wisdom and tactics but things like psychology, computer sciences, etc.

Or OR get Dionysus up in there too, and make it like Hephaestus is the god of chemistry, of chemical reactions and the like, Athena is the goddess of physics, of the most full and complete understanding of the physical universe via things like the unified field theory and its comprising forces of electromagnetism, strong and weak nuclear force, etc, and then Dionysus the god of biology, hmmmm.....

Cuz imagine then, demigod children of Hephaestus, where instead of pyrokinesis, some get powers like transmuting elements.......oh man, the things you could do with that??? Not just lead into gold but they’d be terrors in battle because they could transmute the very air someone breathes into chlorine gas, blood into acid, flesh into stone. Or using that power defensively, making them able to keep guns from firing by dampening the chemical reaction that comes from igniting gunpowder, or just knocking someone out or putting them to sleep by just tanking their metabolic reactions. Mingling magic with modern know-how and creating their own version of truth serums by turning the water someone drinks into something akin to sodium pentathol when just brushing their fingers against someone’s glass, or rendering all drugs or toxins that might have been slipped into their drink null and void by transmuting them into harmless H20. 

(I know that Luke was mentioned briefly as being good at making potions aka alchemy due to being a son of Hermes, but frankly, transmutation as a mastery of the periodic table makes waaaaay more sense for Hephaestus’ kids, I’m just saying. And plus the Greeks didn’t so much consider Hermes an actual god of alchemy as they more just kinda viewed him as their god of all things miscellaneous and tended to lump anything they didn’t have particularly strong feelings about and/or a grasp of under his umbrella. Hermes was really just the patron god of being random as fuck and oh great gods of Olympus I have no idea what I want to do with my life, give me a sign. Hermes: poofs into existence on their shoulder and says SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED TO GO BE GAY AND DO CRIME YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST, DIVINE MANDATE, LETS GOOOOOOO).

Give children of Athena more practical applications for being heirs to her wisdom, knowledge and strategic acumen by also giving her dominion in the modern age over humanity’s quest to better understand the universe we live in and all its rules, the ins and outs of the laws that govern reality itself.......thus Annabeth and others’ potential acumen for magic being here not the end result of them stepping on Hecate and her kids’ toes, but rather more a function of making them the embodiment of ‘magic is just sufficiently advanced technology’ as they - via an innate and heightened understanding of the very nature of the physical universe - find holes in the fabric of space and time that let them slip from Point A to Point B as easily as crossing the street, play tricks with gravity and relativity and things that leave others baffled and amazed and them just shrugging and being like its all in the wrist, dude, and also, the fact that our mom just GETS reality in a way that everyone else will still be playing catch-up to a thousand years from now.

Children of Dionysus (yes I know he barely has any shhh we’re not paying attention to the series we’re just musing on demigod powers here) who combine the godhood of grapes and revelry with loud music and laughter......the way music can help with plant growth, because music is essentially just VIBRATIONS and vibrations stimulate activity in plant cells in a variety of ways.....and thus similar to Mr. D’s tricks with controlling vines and rapidly growing plants, AND his ability to affect the psyches of others, which is described as inflicting or curing madness and I’m like ehhhh do we have to describe it thus though.....put all that in a pot, shake it, not stir, and abrakadabra, alakazam, other psychic pokemon random Psyduck shout-out and voila! ALL of that could be afixed to and made the end product of godly and demigodly control and manipulation of vibrations, cuz Dionysus is literally the god of just vibing in all its infinite forms.....and thus its all just about how vibrations affect plant life on a cellular level, how they can affect brain chemistry in a variety of ways, triggering a lot of the more primal centers/functions of the brain, etc. You kids are driving me crazy, he’d yell at his demigod kids, and they’re like umm wow, like ACK CHOO UGHLY, father, welcome to the 21st century, all we’re really doing is directly stimulating the prefrontal cortex of your cerebellum with our banging rock music, and its making you angy, what about it?

And speaking of actually, if we and by we I mean me cuz I am and its wheee, are theorizing about Athena’s brood getting to be all magical wunderkind whizkids with their scientific acumen and divine cheat-sheets for the physical universe, maybe Aphrodite and her kids could snatch up those psychology and psychiatry job titles instead. Love, desire, also things like obsession, hyper-fixation......is Cabin Mighty Aphrodite really just pheromone central or are its campers more like magical dopamine and serotonin factories just pumping out good vibes all around them, being like come hang out, its free brain juice. Like, imagine kids of Aphrodite who just by their mere presence could help the legions of ADHD demigods focus better, concentrate easier, get shit done because the goddess of passion and her children like....have the gift of helping people to more productively pursue their passions in ALL forms, not just the physical desires they hold for others but the passions they hold for arts and crafts and sports and y’know, saving the world on magical coming-of-age quests when their milkshakes bring all the monsters to the yard. 

And then Ares not just as a god of war and conflict, but of entropy....the tendency of the universe to trend towards disorder, randomness, uncertainty....the kind of things that so often incite or enflame conflict......but applied at large not just to interpersonal dynamics but to the world itself. With his children possessing demigod abilities that disrupt or weaken bonds, both in the form of emotional ties between allies and commitments towards various ideals or courses of action, but also the ability to PHYSICALLY weaken bonds, resulting in an enemy’s weapon falling apart at a touch, or increasing the instability or volatility of an object so it blows up akin to how Gambit of the X-Men’s powers work and can turn even playing cards into a weapon, etc, etc.

And don’t even get me started on Hermes! No, seriously, don’t. Mostly because I haven’t thought that one through yet and I got nothing. I mean I got some things but they are nebulous and have yet to spring forth fully formed from my head like Athena from the fuckhead of Zeus, that absolute fuckhead of legend and yore. In my defense though, I haven’t like, eaten any primordial goddesses of thought and memory, so.......like, idk, I’m taking the longer route here I guess.

[sepublic]

Luz’s Denial of her Feelings

           You know what? I LOVE the idea of Luz actually low-key being in denial of Amity’s feelings towards her… Because Luz is in denial of her own feelings towards Amity! We know from Dana that Luz hasn’t noticed Amity’s crush yet, because she’s busy with a LOT of things in general (not to mention she’s ADHD-coded so her mind is constantly buzzing with a million thoughts at once no less)…

           But once she DOES have time to start noticing, how would she react? Would Luz get nervous, because she’s never been someone’s crush, ever? The girl has a subtle tendency to undervalue herself, and how much she means to people… This can result in Luz being selfless and not expecting anything in return, and while on her own she’s already that compassionate, this lack of self-love could admittedly jeopardize that. It’s why it means so much to Luz, whenever someone tells her outright –like King did for example- that she means a lot to them…!

           …But a crush? A romantic crush? This is Amity’s first big one. We don’t know what Luz’s love history is, if she’s had one… But either she’s not used to having a crush on an actual person that she personally knows, and/or she’s afraid of rejection. I feel like Luz is someone who probably DID try to be emotionally open with people besides Camila in the past, with fellow kids… Only to get shut down. To be closed off… Maybe someone DID get to know her, and was interested at first- But then they saw the ‘true’ Luz, and got turned off, and it broke her heart!

           Luz is always concerned about what she can do for others, about not judging them… And while she knows to be herself, there is this potential concern that, what if this causes her to deliberately undervalue the opinions of others about her as a result? Luz doesn’t let criticisms from other people get to her, but it also means she’s not sure how to handle when someone is really genuinely interested? Luz is too used to not letting others’ feelings about her affect how SHE feels… And while this has worked in the past because a lot of feelings towards her were negative, how does she handle ones that are positive?

           And I can see Luz just… running from this. Kind of a hilarious and a little angsty parallel to how Amity runs from her feelings for Luz. Kind of like how Luz runs from her fears during Grom, which was ALSO a rather Lumity-centered episode no less…! Luz doesn’t want to admit that Amity has a crush on her, because she really undervalues herself, and doesn’t know how to handle such an intimate opinion? Maybe Luz becomes afraid of letting down Amity, of losing her love and being rejected… So Luz overthinks how to be whatever makes her so lovable to Amity!

           Of course, Luz learns that Luz being herself is exactly what makes Amity love her… That Luz doesn’t need to focus on being this or that in particular, that her own existence as-is is already perfect, whatever she chooses for herself! On another note, I imagine Luz being in denial of Amity’s feelings and thus vice-versa, because aside from rejection; Maybe she thinks she isn’t good enough for the girl? Maybe Luz thinks Amity is too good for her… Luz wants the best for Amity, and sadly, she doesn’t see herself as that? To Luz, it’d be doing a disservice to her friend as well.

           Especially since she knows how harsh Odalia and Alador can be, Luz might not see herself as strong enough to protect Amity, either directly or by earning the Blight parents’ approval! Being in love with Amity would further complicate this dilemma, it’s easy to not care what THEY think… But they’re Amity’s parents, Amity has a lot of emotional stake in Odalia and Alador! Luz can’t just disregard that, so either she DOES acknowledge the feelings, or she doesn’t. Not to mention, Luz might be afraid of jeopardizing the hard work Amity has gone through, by convincing the girl to throw away everything she’s done just for Luz…

           And Luz would HATE to ask that of someone, as well as to make someone feel like they have to do that! She didn’t want Eda to lose her magic for her, so I can see Luz denying her and Amity’s mutual feelings, so she doesn’t encourage Amity to throw away her life’s purpose for a ‘loser’ like Luz, whom Amity may fall out of love with anyway! Because surely Amity doesn’t care THAT much…! Not to mention Luz is probably critical of how she’s hurt Amity in the past, maybe she’s afraid of hurting Amity’s feelings again…

           Perhaps for her AND Amity’s own good, the two shouldn’t be romantically involved- Even if Luz will of course be close friends no matter what! And while I see Amity also being content with that as well, it’s not good if this option is done in blatant denial to both parties’ true feelings. These girls need to be upfront about how they feel.

           Regardless, Luz pretends not to notice how Amity feels… Because taking cues from Ordinary, she’s afraid of having to go back home, and she doesn’t want to ‘let on’ Amity by ‘tricking her’ into thinking that Luz cares back- When in reality Luz really DOES, but she’s afraid of her own ability to provide romantically, of losing everything she’s had with Amity and jeopardizing that, instead of being content with the friendship they already have! She’s afraid of how much more it’ll hurt when she DOES have to go back home, and how much it’ll hurt Amity in turn… So why not deny both of their feelings, help Amity admit that this isn’t a thing?

           Maybe this could lead to something drastic on Luz’s side in a worst-case scenario, where she tries to avoid Amity… But of course, she remembers Grom. Not only did Luz not confront her worst fears, but Amity’s worst fear was Luz rejecting her… And there’s a difference between helping someone confront their fear, and forcing them to live through it. In the end, Luz knows that she’s being crueler to Amity in the long run by not acknowledging how she feels… And she’ll learn to be selfish for herself, and Luz will see how she’s being cruel to herself as well for not acknowledging these feelings!

          Like Eda dismissing the curse so Luz and King wouldn’t get worried about her, this is just putting a bandage and ignoring an issue… The sentiment is sweet, but in the end it’s best to be honest with your loved ones and not hurt them, and address things together. I mean, look at Lilith- SHE was in denial over her own issues with Eda, and didn’t want to openly confront the curse she’d cast… And look how badly THAT messed things up! If there’s one thing Lilith taught her, it was to acknowledge an issue and face it, to be honest with yourself and your own shortcomings, and only THEN can you overcome them…! If you try to hide the truth, even if it’s for the other’s own good… In the end, you’re only hurting every party involved, and being a coward in the process.

           With encouragement from her friends, such as Willow, or Emira and Edric (who are TOTALLY Lumity shippers, the OG ones and know of the crush), Luz can learn to be selfish. To get this thing she wants for herself, that she ISN’T confusing fantasy with reality this time –because that’s how she’ll try to dismiss it as first- and it CAN work out… And even if it doesn’t, there’s no way Luz and Amity can know unless they try, and even if it fails, that shouldn’t keep them from remaining close friends regardless! Regardless, Luz’s friends will remind her how brave and defiant she is, how she’ll always ask for it all both on her own behalf AND others’, just as Luz demanded multi-track learning for not just herself but the Detention Track kids as well!

           If Luz can do that- Well, she can give it a try with Amity, for both girls’ sake, right? She’s not alone in this… She’s not Amity’s sole connection, Luz’s help has ensured that Emira and Edric are there for her, and Amity is likely rekindling things with Willow, or at least both girls are willing to provide solace if not outright friendship. Maybe while dealing with the issue, Luz will try to reflect by getting Amity some other friends… And while that DOES help, there’s also an ulterior motive of trying to distance Amity from her, maybe even get Amity to fall in love with someone else who’s way more worthy! But in the end, Luz is actually being selfish for herself in a different, more harmful way, VS admitting her and Amity’s feelings for one another and acting on it. Don’t try to undervalue yourself, Luz, nor should you try to make Amity reconsider her feelings…

           After all, Luz values Amity’s agency, so if this is Amity’s choice, then it is! Amity HAS been indoctrinated, and I can see Luz being afraid that she lowkey ‘manipulated’ Amity into being in love with her, into being dependent… But in the end, that’s not at all what she did, and she already has other friends with their own input, who can put Luz back to reality- Such as Eda, King, Willow, and Gus! Maybe even Lilith, who ALSO learned to confront reality herself…! It’d be an interesting parallel to have Lilith’s willful ignorance of her issues with Eda, and the corruption of the system, VS Luz’s willful ignorance of her and Amity’s love for one another.

           Nevertheless- This is making me imagine a scenario where Emira and Edric are pursuing Luz to make her date their little sister, and force her to confront the truth, because they’ve got personal stake in this as well amidst wanting the best for Amity… And Luz is just running away from her feelings and in denial! It’s like that meme of a dude being chased down the hallway by a floating T-poser! Except it’s Luz who’s running from Ed and Em, who are emblematic of the truth of Amity’s feelings- And in the end, they’ll make it clear to Luz, that she’s breaking Amity’s heart more THIS way, than if she were to at least attempt a relationship with the girl and then have it fail. Because, at least both parties tried with one another, instead of deciding any attempts weren’t worth it nor had a point!

           And Luz… Well, you know the girl. She’s been learning more and more how much she’s been loved. Romantic love isn’t the same as familial love, nor is it better or worse… But still, if Luz can give familial love a try, having experienced it with Camila and with Eda and the rest; Maybe romantic love isn’t out of the question, either!

           Basically- You know those I won’t say I’m in love animatics for The Owl House? Imagine those, but it’s LUZ who’s singing, while being cheered on by Emira and Edric and/or Willow and Gus! Maybe even Eda, King, AND Lilith, for that matter…! Why not even throw in all of Luz’s other friends, because they’d be supportive of her as someone who’s definitely worth it… And it’d be hilarious if Amity herself joined in as well!

#the owl house #owl house #lumity #the owl house luz #luz noceda #the owl house amity #amity blight #speculation

[screechthemighty]

Okay, so between me talking about the monster fam in the notes of a post and answering some anon asks about it, I figure I should finally publish this post that I drafted for literally no reason.

So, I should note, everything below the cut is not something I think will happen in the canon, because I have no idea what will happen in the canon, honestly. This is just some stuff I came up with thinking about what I would do if it were me. All of this also runs on the assumption that Ragnarok doesn’t happen when Atreus is 15 (for whatever reason, take your pick), that there are other giants out there in Jotunheim (they’re just hiding), and also there’s a lot of time travel involved. Anyways...Monster Fam Time (and also Sigyn).

Sleipnir

DON’T CLOSE OUT OF THE POST, I PROMISE IT’S NOT WEIRD.

So those of you who have read “awake and unafraid...” might’ve noticed a line in chapter one about how Ruvik claims his horses are “direct descendants of Svaðilfari, Hrimthur’s own stallion” and “So fast, you’d swear they had extra legs.” That was, in fact, a deliberate nod to my own headcanon. Essentially, Jotnar horses are just exceptionally awesome and slightly magical horses and Sleipnir is, in fact, a direct descendant of  Svaðilfari. After Jotunheim’s semi-collapse, a lot of these are living semi-feral, mustang-style. Unfortunately, this leaves them vulnerable to predators, and one predator left Sleipnir injured and orphaned. 

Fortunately for him, though, he happened to be found by a late-teens god and his grumpy also-a-god father. Atreus being the big softie that he is immediately takes in and helps heal the young foal. Between him being Slightly Magical and Atreus being able to talk to animals, they are able to communicate and Sleipnir becomes One Of The Family.

Angrboda

Important things to know about Angrboda: she’s two inches taller than Kratos, buff as hell, and Atreus falls in love with her the second he lays eyes on her. Fortunately for him, she likes that he’s funny and also stronger than he looks, so they hit it off and get married. She’s got a very bright extroverted personality, and while you’d think that would put her in contrast with Kratos, he actually thinks she’s pretty great.

Unfortunately, this story has a sad end, as Angrboda ends up in Midgard and running into the one person you don’t want to run into in Midgard...but more on that in Hela’s section.

Jörmungandr

Named for the World Serpent (though put a pin in that), Jörmungandr has his father’s appearance and talent for magic and his grandfather’s grumpy introvert personality. He was also a bit of an emo teen, but despite this, he really does love his family and is super protective of them. He’s just also Most Likely To Go Off When Provoked (to the shock of pretty much everyone, who expects that behavior more from Fenris).

The plot twist is that he IS the World Serpent (a discovery that gives his father an existential crisis), becoming such when the Aesir show up to try and stop Ragnarok (but in doing so, nearly kick off Rangarok for a SECOND time because they just never learn). This leads to the whole “creating a stable time loop and being thrown back before his own birth” thing, and also his brain getting a bit scrambled, hence why he’s stuck as a giant snake and only speaks Old Giant. (In this very loose take on what I’d do to tackle Ragnarok they do end up transforming him back, but the poor guy is a bit messed up by the whole thing.)

Fenrir

Fenrir looks like his mom and has her exact personality--gregarious and a bit brash--but he takes after his father in that he’s a Wolf Kid. Turning into a wolf is the one and only spell he masters. A lot of people think that he’d be the one with rage issues (as he does have some ability as a berserker), but he’s really an easygoing and kind dude. He’s just also got big ADHD (predominantly hyperactive) energy, tussles as a way of showing affection, and forgets his own strength. The phrase, “Fenrir, don’t hit your brother” was thrown around a lot when he was a toddler.

Fenrir ends up being bound in wolf form as part of the whole Ragnarok 2: Electric Boogaloo thing; he is also freed, and it does give him a major grudge against Odin but otherwise he’s still mostly a good kid. Also, he doesn’t bite off Tyr’s hand in this version because I have other plans for Tyr. These were also alluded to in “awake and unafraid...” and if you spotted that reference, you win.

Hel

As mentioned above, Angrboda unfortunately has a run-in with Thor that ends her life and nearly ends Hel’s, as Angrboda was pregnant with her only daughter at the time. Atreus is barely able to save Hel’s life with magic, but the results left Hel a little...odd. Appearance-wise, half her body has a deathly blueish pallor (the right half, and interestingly it’s darker on the face in a very familiar pattern) and blind in one eye. Personality-wise, she’s the most withdrawn of the three, says weird cryptic shit all the time that might be prophetic, and also can talk to ghosts, a fact the family learned when she casually mentioned Calliope to Kratos a conversation. Kratos had never told her about Calliope before then, so obviously that was a bizarre day. (She actually is really close with Kratos, despite his initial worries about how his Trauma would react to having a granddaughter.)

During Ragnarok 2: When Will You Learn That Your Actions Have Consequences, they attempt to send Hel away for her protection, but she accidentally gets thrown back in time even further than her older brother. This leads to her being discovered by the Aesir, who are immediately offput by this weird teenager saying cryptic shit and decide “Hey, y’know what...Helheim needs a keeper, let’s just put her there and not worry about it.” (She actually goes behind their backs to make a second Valhalla for the worthy dead who didn’t serve Odin and wouldn’t end up in Folkvangr for whatever reason, so people like her mother, grandmother, and her adoptive wine uncle. Conveniently, this is where the armies of Jotunheim Odin was so worried about come from...something that wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t fucked with her family. Funny, that!)

Sigyn

Sigyn is another giant, though on the short side for one (she’d be tall for a human, though), known for her gifts of magic and potion-making. She and Atreus keep running into each other in town and while foraging out in the woods, end up having a slow-burn friends-to-lovers relationship, and get married when Hel is almost of age. She doesn’t look like much, but she’s fiercely loyal and knows how to make a lot of poisons. Straight up, she almost throws a bowl of that snake-potion in Kratos’s face during the whole “Second Ragnarok” thing because in her panic and blind rage she thought he was Thor coming in for some extra torture.

#god of war #again this isn't speculation this is my own AU based off of stuff I made up