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#anyway random ass sketch kind of
4thenookie · 7 months
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random hcs 3/??
do people even like these??
nina being the scene queen she is has racoon tails!! she bleached one into tobys hair one 3am, i havent decided how it went
liu drinks straight black tea but his coffee?? he might as well drink straight creamer
jeff has like..... patchy hair, like bald spots yk?? all that fire did a number on his hairline
puppeteer wants to play d&d but nobody wants to play with him
if someone pulls out cards against humanity i just know they all playin
guess who wins
guess
brian.
nobody expects him to find such filthy heinous shit funny but he does bc hes a tomfoolery enjoyer, a shenanigan causer if you will
BEN and toby both laugh at their own cards and then they're the most unfunny things ever
when people give tim an explicit card he has to turn away and take a deep breath before he reads them out in the most serious deadpan dad voice ever
you know the voice
and everyone finds this funny so they give him all their filthiest cards
brian giggles
nina can actually draw really well!! she does that emo art style the one that's all scribbly w the big eyes and skinny ass legs yk???
havent figured out who it is yet but somebody gives everybody piercings (who would this piercer be?? debate)
toby has quite a few because he can't feel the pain anyway,, im thinking snake bites, septum, lobes, helix, and maybe a tongue piercing??
jeff might as well make his entire ear one big earring at this point
if he took all his earrings out his ears would be riddled with holes lmao
nina has a couple ear piercings, as well as dolphin bites and a nose stud
BEN has piercings in his funny elf ears (which are very expressive btw!!)
ej has a stud in each ear (i think hed have pointy ears too! and they move like they prick up and droop and stuff!!)
speaking of ej... i think he also has really tiny horns, but he's so much taller than everyone else not many people actually notice them
also he doesn't wear shoes bc he has like demon feet idk
he has two fangs on the bottom that stick kind of out and up?? like you can see the points of them even when his mouth is closed
ok ill shut up about him now (i did a lil sketch of him a few posts ago if ur interested!!)
jeff and toby dumpster dive (the crust punk and his pet raccoon)
OK LAST EJ ONE FOR NOW.... he moves really slow to conserve energy, but when he runs jesus christ i pray for you
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Keith was used to random foster parent reassignments. He was used to packing his shit to go from house to house quickly. He was used to meeting whatever exhausted adult who needed the paycheque, knowing he’d be back at the group home in a matter of months. It was clockwork, at this point.
His new foster father was a little different. He was a weirdo.
Keith liked him, a little.
Granted, Keith barely knew him. They’d only really had the one interaction, wherein Keith had met the man who’s car he stole at the police station in handcuffs, and the man had pretty much decided then and there that he wanted to adopt Keith because he found him hilarious.
Yeah. Shiro’s a weirdo. But he’s definitely a break from the norm, which is something Keith appreciates.
“…so, technically, my fiancé is about to have the surprise of his life. But he’s pretty chill, once he gets past all the angry Spanish, so I’m sure it’ll be fine!” Shiro smiles brightly at him, and Keith can’t help the small smile he shoots back. Shiro is definitely kind of a dumbass, and his fiancé is definitely about to go bananas. Like, let’s be serious. Who impulse-decides to foster a child who is also a criminal who has also stolen your shit? It’s inane!
But, well. Keith likes chaos, so. This is going to be interesting.
“Honey, I’m home!” Shiro calls as he opens the apartment door, completely unironically.
Keith forces himself to not find Shiro amusing.
He needs to have some boundaries, or he might go do something really stupid, like get attached.
Jesus.
“In the kitchen,” comes a voice, presumably from the kitchen.
Shiro brightens like a considerably excitable puppy, which is a hilarious face to see on someone who’s supposedly some fancy military officer.
Keith follows Shiro dutifully as he makes his way to the kitchen, watching as a man — the fiancé in question, Keith would assume — idly offers his cheek for a kiss (which Shiro happily obliges) without taking his eyes off the vegetables he’s cutting. Keith sets his bag in the floor and slides onto one of the stools at the kitchen island to watch this play out.
The fiancé has yet to notice him.
“How was your day?”
Shiro’s bright smile never leaves his face. “My car got jacked!” he says, in the same tone someone might say that they were promoted.
To his credit, the fiancé — yikes, Keith needs to learn his name — doesn’t even hesitate.
“That’s probably for the best,” he drawls.
“Yeah, I got it back — hey.” Shiro honest-to-god pouts, and Keith bites his lip to keep his laughter down. “That was mean, Adam. You’re a meanie.”
The fiancé — Adam, finally a name — snorts, pausing for the first time to face Shiro fully. He presses a gentle kiss to his lips, grinning the whole time.
“I’m sorry, Takashi-baby. It’s just that you’re maybe the worst driver ever to pass the test.” He softens his words with another kiss, which seems to mollify Shiro a little.
Keith quietly takes out his notebook and a pencil, and starts sketching. This will make a hilarious comic. Not that he really has anyone to show his comics, but he enjoys amusing himself.
“Anyways,” Adam continues, turning back to the cutting board, “did you get the car back?”
“Yeah! Went to the police station, talked to the kid who took it. He’s actually a sweetheart, and he returned my keys and everything. Say hi, Keith!”
Keith decides he is going to do the funniest thing he could possibly do at the moment. Well, to him, anyway.
“Hi, Keith,” he repeats.
Shiro laughs.
Adam turns around, looks at him, and sighs.
“Takashi,” he says, pinching the bridge of his nose, “did steal a whole-ass child?”
“Of course not! I applied to foster him.”
Adam turns to Keith. “Blink twice if you’ve been kidnapped.”
“Hey!”
Keith snorts. “I don’t think Shiro is capable of kidnapping anyone.”
Adam nods seriously. “Good point. He’s not very organized, is he?”
Keith shakes his head, giggling. “His car is a mess!”
“Hey!” Shiro protests again, but he doesn’t really look upset. “That’s not fair. It’s two versus one!”
Adam and Keith look at each other. Adam raises an eyebrow. Keith nods solemnly. “I’m sorry to inform you, Takashi,” Adam says, “but you are never going to win an argument again.”
Somehow, Shiro doesn’t look very sad at the prospect.
Keith smiles to himself. Maybe this will turn out even better than he thought.
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remedyx · 10 months
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A little bit about me~
I've had several questions along these lines, so I thought it would be easier to include all of them in a post than to answer each one individually 😅
1. My name is Skyla, but my friends call me Sky, so I go by either.
2. No. My handle is not a play on BTS's Jamais Vu 😅. I'm surprised how often people ask me this, and I apologize, but I may be about to ruin the song for some of you. Remedy was chosen because once upon a time, I took pole dancing lessons, and I chose Remedy as my stripper name for the duration of said lessons (kinda gives the song an interesting meaning now 😂). X was included just for the simple fact that most of what I write is x-rated, aka, NSFW.
3. My 9 AM post times. I schedule all my chapters to be released at 9 AM my time. I live in Central US, so my timezone is CDT (central daylight time).
4. I am a full-time professional student finishing my last few years at a professional school earning my doctorate. While I try my absolute best to update regularly, during the semesters, I get BUSY. So I appreciate y'all understanding when updates are slow or on hold for a bit.
5. I write purely for fun. I don't expect to make a living off of it by any means. I just enjoy writing and sharing my creativity. So, I really really appreciate it when my readers interact with my posts/chapters. It goes a long way for me to want to keep posting and writing.
6. My age 😂😅. I can't tell if y'all are genuinely curious or just nosy, but either way, I'm 24 turning 25 this year. In other words, a year younger than JK.
7. My bias is J-Hope. No if, ands, or buts. The man has me LOCKED DOWN. I love ot7 to death (don't get me wrong), but Hobi is and will forever be my love 🫶 (but damn if Yoongi doesn't try).
8. My writing process. Tbh, I don't really have one. Most of the time, some random ass idea will pop into my head and I think, "Hey, that could be a really cool story.", so I write it down. I'll mull over it for a few days, kind of sketch out a plot or potential outlines, and if it survives and I'm on board with the idea later, I write it.
9. One shots/short stories. Honestly, I think I'm incapable of writing anything short and sweet 🤷‍♀️. I need build up and background information usually to make it seem natural so I'll almost always only write series. Not to say I haven't or won't write short stories or one shots, they just aren't short 😅.
I think that's everything. For now anyway. Feel free to keep interacting. I really do love hearing from y'all 💜💜
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griseldajane · 1 year
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fandom
You know I love tumblr for the wackiness of it, like I follow a varied bunch of folks from all different walks of life across different interests and fandoms, and of course a ton of artists.
I do the thing where I procrastinate waking up by scrolling through social media apps before I drag my tired ass from bed, and most days I smile because there's so much random joy. There are fandoms I don't follow and memes I don't get rolling across my dash, but I love the excitement that people have for these things. I love seeing art from professional level right down to those who struggle to pick up a pencil, in fact, I love seeing that art because their love of the fandom is so strong that they just have to create something. I love that. That kinda makes me want to participate in my fandoms more, you know? Like, I should dust off that Maverick sketch I started two months ago. I should go back and fix that Thor/Loki art now that I've learned some more things, and gosh, damn, did I love Thranduil and miss drawing his face.
But like, today, I was greeted with this text post of random hate that went something along the lines of, "An unfriendly reminder to those who tag my art with [ship artist hates] then you can die."
And it just made me so upset.
This is not the first time I've seen something like this either.
I had a few similar experiences as an artist in fandom and my memories of one of those instances goes like this: When I was writing Godchild, which is a fic I wrote about Loki taking care of a de-aged Thor in a parent-child scenario, and I had done some (terrible) fanart with Loki kissing little Thor's cheek, someone asked me if they could view it as Loki/Thor instead of gen. Now, that's not something that I had intended because I don't like underage stuff, and that kind of bothered me. I struggled right there because my immediate impulse was to say, "What? no!" but I remember telling that person that they could view it anyway they wanted as long as they understood that I didn't view it that way.
Because ultimately they would view it that way anyway-- and really, that's what we're all doing with fan works! We're taking something that doesn't belong to us and we're having our own thoughts and feelings about it but at the end of the day it's all not what the original creator intended.
For me, the crux of the issue was that I didn't want others to think that I shipped a certain thing that personally made me uncomfortable, but at that point it's not about me and I didn't want to shame someone else for something they liked. Because I like plenty of ships that people think are gross. People in glass houses, you know?
So I see this post this morning and I was so disappointed in this artist.
I ESPECIALLY hate it when people tag their hate so random people who don't follow them but who like that ship will see it.
To counter that hatred, I just wanted to tell people out there that I don’t care what you ship. If I ever draw something that you think fits your ship, you have my blessing to regard it as such. You have as much a right to like it as I have to not like it. It's all just fiction anyway.
Everyone knows that fiction is not real, right? Feelings are real. You can't help how you feel, but you can help how you act. So, yeah, you can feel as mad and disgusted about something as you want, but how you choose to act about those feelings tells more about who you are as a person than anything else.
All that being said, I still feel mad about that text post and I might draw some stuff for that ship just to balance things out even though I'm not really a part of that fandom. (And I realize that's kinda petty, so we'll see if my temper smooths itself out a bit.)
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hermannco · 1 year
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I loved the designs you did for cane and able in codotverse, reminds me of wendell and wild from the new stop motion movie!
what inspos went behind your designs if you are okay with telling
I've had those designs stashed for years
if anything Wendell and Wild GOT INSPIRED BY ME!!!! /j
Lmao thank you
I'm about to info dump and dont take anything I say as Canon, this is me hyperfxating and having LITERALLY too much information in my brain about to random ass motherfuckers.
Okay so, fun things. About Inspo.
ABOUT CAIN: Normal Cain. Soft, grandpa man.
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2008 Cain. (From a HoM comic I am not too fond of except...)
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Fucking sharp lunatic with his hair going EVERYWHERE. Constantly UNHINGED.
And so I decided to strike right on the middle bcs I always enjoyed the idea of this motherfucker flipping like a switch, also because he is an older brother, and he cleans the house and does the crops and tells stories and helps with the animals and maintains the house, and is fuzzy and very classic focused. But you know, he will also murder Abel in a split second and he gets a JOY doing it. Most of the time. But also enough to live with him normally and still have dinners and get mad when someone else hurts him.
His front hair flop also comes from the fact that he has to hide the "MARK OF CAIN" TM. The one that hits you 7 times worse if you hurt him. He has no control of what that shit does tho.
Also fun fact, the houses are located in Kentucky (Unless they are teleporting) and stuck in the 70s aesthetically LMAO.
So I sharpened the old man, still gave him kind eyes. I unbrokened his nose, because is impossible to break it without you dying, so this man is SURPRISINGLY DELICATE when it comes to fights.
A well groomed beard that can be easily messed up. And big CAINines.
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The clothes are just classic Cain clothes but pushin a little bit more of the military ww1 aesthetic he is placed with.
The long and short, Grandpa please go to bed.
ABOUT ABEL:
Younger frisky freer brother.
A lot of Abel is based of Harveydont's Abel work. In all honestly we both worked on these bozos over the years.
Regardless here is the explanation for his look at least on my end.
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He has always been a fancy little lad, a lot more pristine than his brother. A lot of the thought behind Abel is how he does a lot less of heavy work such as gardening or house renovating, but does things such as cooking and sweeping and organizing. Which is why he can always afford to be dressed to the nines.
Always seems to dress BETTER and be well more mannered. But while nicer he is also a trickster. So He can't be a circle.
Anyway, this picture also has done its millage.
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This is the ORIGINAL sketch for Abel by Joe Orlando. I think my man nailed it first try. There has been A LOT of Cains over the years, but Abel always... ALWAYS relatively looks like this. And I have NO ROOM to complain.
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As you can visibly see he hasn't changed much... I just put a knife to him and sharpened his features, as well give him bigger eyes than Cain bcs 1) makes him also look unhinged 2) Can also look more innocent.
Also his mutton chops are cleaner, in general his look is more put together and softer. He is supposed to be PRISTINE. The ring on his hand is because CANNONICALLY, Abel wears the gayest shit in the comics and I something he could fiddle with when nervous. (Mesh shirt while cooking, you know, gay club look just while cooking, iconic. Speak your truth, king.)
Also I made their skin darker bcs I am tan to darker color and I Was like, lol I can't be stopped now!
I hope this helps.
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High Heavens Honing #5 - Decoration
Project main tag
For the final set up, we have... kinda everything. Trees, statues, vases, floor patterns, a random public altar (?) and a big-ass crystal that stands specifically in front of the Library of Fate. I wonder if all the centers of the Virtues get some kind of main decoration in front of them...
Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed these practice sketches of the High Heavens ^^ Now it is time to tackle the pages proper. Since those work up rather slowly, unfortunately, I'm gonna have to post other stuff in the meantime, with the occasional WIP progress updates. We will see how things go! But I thank you for your patience, and I do hope to see you at the finished comic!
2023.07.04.
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calliopecalling · 2 years
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QOTS Rewatch: Season 4, Episodes 1-7
As you can see… I didn’t do individual episode recaps for this season, largely because there are only a handful of gifsets for each episode and writing a whole-ass meta every day or two is too much, even for me 😂 However, there is a lot of ground to cover. What I’ve realized anew on this rewatch is that, wow, this season has so much plot. Like I almost wonder whether Peter backed out after the bulk of the season had already been sketched out and so they had to fill in his absence with a bunch of random extra characters and story lines that wouldn’t disrupt the main arc of the season…? I mean, who knows. That’s pure speculation. But it really feels like there are some stories that you could just cut right out on the dotted line and leave the rest of the story intact, lol. In any case, while this season definitely feels a lot more rushed and a bit sloppier (hello, major timeline issues 😒) there are still things to appreciate and characters and plot elements I really do find strong. More of My Thoughts™️ behind the cut.
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First I just want to address the elephant in the room which is the absence of James and how the writers dealt with it. Like pretty much everyone else I wish it had been handled better. I watched this season live and after the first episode, the silence around his absence felt too noticeable. For the most part I still enjoyed the season--maybe because Teresa's my main girl, so I still got my eye candy all season--but I definitely was like... okay so they're just going to basically act like James no longer exists? On this rewatch, though, I'm finding more and more of her missing him obvious in her acting choices. My sense is that when the season was written, they didn't really know if Peter would return for season 5 so they were just trying to put a pause on the whole story line in any explicit way. But also, I guess it really feels in-character to me that, six months in and James still a total ghost, Teresa decide to just box him up and put him in the far corner of the attic. She decides to get the message and move on already. Which means never mentioning him again.
I mean: could there have been some kind of conversation between like Teresa and King George where she opened up a little? Sure, though I kind of imagine that would've happened off-screen in the gap between the end of season 3 and beginning of season 4. Would it have been a stronger season if they'd figured out how to weave it in? I'm not sure, though it would've been gratifying as a James and Jeresa fan to have him acknowledged. I think part of what made it frustrating was just the waiting each episode and being like ok what is happening?? Do they really think they can just leave that relationship dangling and we'll forget about it? I guess my point is: it was definitely a bummer that Peter decided not to do the season, and James and his relationship with Teresa left a big gap in the show, especially because it was in her relationship with him that we saw a lot of her humanity. But, her character would've needed to go on this darker journey this season anyway. And with the writers having no idea what Peter was going to do, I genuinely have had a hard time figuring out where I would've handled specifically the James relationship differently.
HOWEVER. I do think there are things they could've done differently, even without James, to improve the continuity of this season with the earlier ones. Rewriting canon to have Teresa present at Tony's birth is a HUGE "no" to me and that's the number one thing I would change. Second, with all the antagonists from the first three seasons having been bested by the end of season 3 (Epifanio, Cortez, Camila being the ones with multi-season arcs), it would have been wise to carry over more of the story elements from those seasons so that it didn't feel quite so much like literally everything was starting over. I've said before: Castel needed to become a main character. Devon could've been written in on some level (though without knowing what was going to happen with Peter/James, I can kinda understand steering clear of that). Keep Taza around even for minor plot developments. SOMETHING. And while I understand the expense of filming in multiple locations with multiple sets, I think that having some episodes take place back in Phoenix or even Mexico would have provided a helpful bridge. (There are a few Boaz scenes that do take place in Mexico but they're few and far between.) Any of these things would've helped this season feel less like a brand new show that's totally written all the prior characters out of existence.
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AAAAAaaaaanyway, so much for the big picture what-I-think-the-writers-could've-done issues. Now I'll try to just stick to the show we actually have, lol. I'm not going to do an episode-by-episode breakdown here. Instead, I'm going to talk about each of the key story lines in turn and what its significance is in terms of Teresa's character journey.
El Gordo
When the season begins, Teresa is just about to open her bar and it seems she's taken the last six months to set up her routes into New Orleans. I THINK she's still just selling on the dark web at this point (well, and presumably in the local market in Phoenix too?) because she has no interest in selling her product in New Orleans. Instead, she wants to use New Orleans, and its port access, as her distribution hub. So where does El Gordo come in? Well, she wants to expand her business so that she can buy the waterfront property and go legit, and he sells product from his hub in Miami up the east coast. So if she can convince him to sell her product, she'll have a huge new market at the snap of her fingers.
The other thing that's in it for her is that right now, El Gordo is buying from independent farmers in Colombia. And those are cutting into Castel's market dominance. Castel showed up at the beginning of the first episode, worried that Teresa was buying from other suppliers behind her back. If Teresa can get El Gordo to buy from her, then she can prove to Castel that she's got nothing to worry about.
El Gordo is a great character in my opinion. What I like about this story line is that it connects to Castel, which means it connects back to earlier seasons, and also he's believable somehow. He's delightfully eccentric and scary but without feeling contrived. Business-wise, wanting to work with him makes sense, especially because of his relationships up the east coast (which pay off in 4x05 when he connects her to Oksana). He serves a clear plot purpose but doesn't feel like he only exists for plot. I like the unpredictable energy between him and Teresa. Basically, so far so good with respect to new characters and stories.
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Javier and Boaz
Javier this season to me feels a little forced and I wish there was more Boaz somehow to play off him because it's kind of hard to understand his character without feeling like his back story is clear. He's Boaz's younger cousin, which explains some of his tension between wanting to follow Teresa's way but also having a hard time setting clear limits with Boaz (and still getting into trouble with him too). But then there's also Emilia, who we first meet in 4x06, and whose role doesn't feel totally natural to Javier's characterization in my opinion. It's also a little unclear to me exactly how Javier and Boaz play into Teresa's bigger story this season. Are we meant to understand how Javier is less reliable than James and so Teresa is more alone? Are we meant to see, via Boaz and Emilia, how his loyalties are never 100% solid? Obviously his major arc is that he gets into this trouble with Boaz at the beginning, killing the Judge's nephew which of course will come back to haunt Teresa in a major way later (and by this point in the rewatch, 4x07, Rene's death is only just surfacing). But something about this whole story feels a bit hasty and contrived to me and so this is one that doesn't totally work in my opinion.
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The Judge
Speaking of the Judge, he's another big player this season. He steps into the gap created by the demise of Camila and Cortez last season and he's definitely a slimy opponent. I said in a gifset reblog that I do appreciate the way the show tries to show a more politicized antagonist than it has in the past. But, we get TOO much Judge side story in my opinion. All the stuff with his son feels like screentime that could've been spent on Teresa in more character-developing ways. Or.... on Castel or Boaz or Taza... (I'll never shut up about how those characters should've been used more this season.)
The Judge's role with respect to Teresa and her character arc, though, is to show how no matter how much she tries to play nice, she can't avoid getting caught up in the drama of people far more evil than she is. By the end of 4x07, they still have a tentative peace, but it's at the cost of $3 million/month in hush money, and he's fanned the flames between her and Dumas, too. Way more trouble than he's worth and I wish she'd just take care of him.
Marcel Dumas
I've already ranted in my gifset reblogs about Marcel. So, let me clarify here that he is one of my favorite new characters this season and I love the spark he and Teresa have on-screen. Alimi Ballard is fire. I am also glad the show didn't kill him off (the writers have said they'd planned to until they saw the chemistry between Alimi and Alice) and glad that--especially given the setting in NOLA--we get a major Black character. However.... he really makes it hard for me not to bear a permanent grudge in this first half of the season. By the end of 4x07, he and Teresa have finally struck a truce, but, as I explained in my tags on this gifset, I really don't think Teresa was the only one who owed an apology and in fact so much about Marcel and how he treated her early on really set me off.
His role with respect to her character development though is great. It really highlights how, even when she's cornered time and time again into doing things in a way she doesn't want to, she still tries to hold herself to higher standards. At the same time, the costs of her business are adding up, and she has to harden, become colder. In her relationship with Marcel, we see her transformation unfold and she definitely has a more queenpin-like energy, even when finally making peace with him.
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Pote, Kelly Anne, and Tony
Alright I'll just say it: I don't really care for this side plot. I think its role is to try to be the place where Teresa's softer side can show up (especially with Tony) and where that growing divide between the life she wants and the life she has is highlighted. Without James, there needs to be some other place to show this. My problems here are (1) this story ends up making Pote's role as her bodyguard a lot murkier and I've realized on this rewatch that really... he doesn't do anything for her. He doesn't help her or save her or anything! The role of his character as someone willing to take a bullet for her really is kind of neutered. Instead, he's agonizing over how to show up for Tony. I'm guessing the idea here is to humanize Pote, complete his redemption arc, make us root for him, too, in advance of the final season. But in my opinion it ends up actually separating him too much from Teresa. Especially because unfortunately the actor that plays Tony really doesn't sell him for me. I don't find him believable. I also just... CANNOT forgive the timeline issues with Tony being almost 16 years old and Teresa was at his birth.
I know that I do like Kelly Anne's story in the latter half of the season, and as I've said, Teresa with pretty much any female character is great, so I'll have more to say about her later. And in general, the role of her family vs. her business will become a lot sharper in the back half of the season, too. It's just, in this first half, it feels like it drags.
King George and Birdie
I'll keep this short and sweet; Birdie was essentially just a plot device for the war with Marcel but I did think her scenes with Teresa were generally sweet and I loved the moment she shared with King George, not least because, as I think I said in a gifset reblog, George is one of the few threads connecting this season to previous seasons, and I love that his grief about Bilal and the trauma from s3 is still so palable, and Birdie helps him with that. Sorry, that was an extremely long sentence, I'll never do that again. Anyway, I said early on that I was meh about Birdie, but I changed my mind. She was a great character and I wish the writers had done more with her than just plot service.
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Eddie
ALRIGHT Y'ALL. Want my Eddie take-down?
Look.
Eddie serves a very clear plot purpose. He's there to show Teresa that it's no use: she is no longer the person she used to be; nor can she pretend she's "normal"; nor can she pretend to care about someone she doesn't give two fucks about. He's an obvious rebound. For six months she held out hope that James would reappear, but she finally had to bury that hope six feet under and her job is stressful, I can't blame her for wanting some action. It's not like she meets a lot of eligible guys in her line of work.... so Eddie might've genuinely been what her options were. And I even didn't mind their first kiss: it was cute, huddled up at the piano like that. It felt kinda tentative on her part, like she was clearly a bit nervous (like the OPPOSITE of how she was with James--she was so steady and sure with him 😭 brb gotta watch 3x05) and a bit girlish, more like how she was with Guero in all her flashbacks, but it didn't seem unwanted, and it was slow and sweet and he wasn't pushy or annoying.
But the good stuff pretty much ends there lmao. First of all the man cannot spit out a full sentence without some godawful cliche to save his life. Literally everything he says makes me roll my eyes all the way back into my head. He's got this whole "I'm so profound" attitude that is just suuuuuuuch a man thing and it is so unattractive. He asks her limited questions and never with any sincerity, though to be sure she always kind of nervously brushes them away. She's not looking for him to be a safe place for her to bare her soul or anything, so I can't blame him solely, but it's painful to watch him treat her like an empty vessel that he can just pour himself into. Ew, sorry, I didn't intend for that to sound so euphemistically sexual, but it really does seem like he thinks of her as this blank slate that he just gets to write on or something. Like she has no past before him. He's just not curious.
On this rewatch I feel so sure that the writers did this intentionally. I know that back when the season was airing, Dailyn was on Twitter trying to drum up excitement for Eddie, but I just am going to ignore that and think maybe she was trying to just support the actor who, god help him, was probably doing his best with the trash lines he was given, but I really can't believe that the writers didn't know they were making him this cringe.
My belief--and my evidence is that the writers this season in general are not all that subtle (other examples abound though I'm blanking off the top of my head)--is that the whole point was to show she just couldn't get into him, the whole point was for him to just be a dumb cringey rebound so that no one would actually ship them accidentally and mess with Jeresa lol. YES I KNOW that's my shipper lens, but like this season's show runners wrote entire episodes of seasons 2 and 3, including some of the best Jeresa ones, and they KNEW what gold they had. The Eddie story sets Teresa up for feeling like romance is completely incompatible with this business but also sets her/us up for the OMG YES FINALLY when James finally comes back.
Because listen. Let's take episode 4x04 as an example. The episode opens with her waking up in his bed naked after having presumably hooked up the night before. She startles awake and then kinda looks around uncomfortably. She kiiiinda smiles? But it looks more like a grimace? And looks away and buries her head in the pillow a little. Call me crazy but girl looks kinda disappointed to me. She was blowing off steam but... wrong person kinda vibes. Anyway, she gets up while he's still sleeping and starts getting dressed like she's about to bounce before he wakes up. Then he wakes up and needles her until she agrees to go to brunch with him. She cleeeearly seems uncomfortable but she's like alright. I'll give this a go. Meanwhile he calls her distillery a "tequila factory" -- even after she corrects him. WINCE. Yes, she winces too, I swear to god she does.
Then at brunch he's all "I'm starting to like you" to which she responds with a forced smile and an "I'm starting to like your city." BURNNNN.
I MEAN. This is intentional, guys. Call me crazy but I think we're meant to find him awful. Maybe not THIS awful? Like I readily admit that my intense shipping of Jeresa makes my hatred of him a bit extra. But c'mon. The guy is a total tool. The same writers who were responsible for James's character development in season 3 cannot possibly have actually believed that Eddie was an interesting person or a serious love interest for Teresa.
Nope. He was not. He was so out of touch with her that when he brought her with him to Nashville, it was alllll about him, all about showing off how hot and deep he was, and he couldn't even be bothered to pry at all into Teresa's cover story about how she "slipped in the bathroom" at his show. Noooo, he could only manage to be offended that she'd missed his special song for her, and then think that her breaking up with him was because he'd confessed to her that he'd accidentally killed his friend. GOD EDDIE GET A LIFE.
When I watched this season live, I remember being just extremely puzzled by Eddie. I wasn't even perturbed by her moving on because she so clearly hadn't actually moved on, Eddie was so clearly a glorified sex toy (which, you go girl). I was just like wow Teresa you can do so much better than that. But she wasn't even trying to do better, and that's kind of the point. I feel like the whole point was that her heart wasn't actually in it. I can't even muster up being offended by the plot line, even though Eddie is so detestable, because it's just so obviously a placeholder for her. A very final nail in the coffin of whatever idea she had that she could go back to the person she'd been with Guero. A piece of candy on the arm of a smarmy guy who only cared about his own romancing. So in some ways, the Eddie story to me actually parts the seas for James to be the only possible real deal for her. It just... takes way too long for him to come back. (PETER, I'M LOOKING AT YOU.)
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Just had to end this with a James gif. Sorry Eddie. James I hope you are off pining somewhere extra hard because your girl is going through a helluva lot of bullshit and a helluva lot of heartache and thinks she basically has no shot at love ever again 😭
Thanks for reading this far, see y'all again in like, a week (😂😂😂 sorry this is going so fast, there just are only like 3 gifsets per episode this season lmao) for the rest of the season breakdown.
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pqrachel · 8 days
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So I came across @spicymancer's "Rumble after Dark" fighting game OCs and it kind of inspired me to think about a fighting game AU featuring a bunch of my OCs from different universes. (Mine wouldn't be as NSFW but maybe a little never hurt, since it's just for art anyways...)
None of this obviously would be canon but just thinking about the fighting game archetypes as a method of character exploration has been fun. And most of my fighting game experience comes from platform fighters so my archetype knowledge is a little whack but if you'll excuse that then,
My initial castings are these: (Long-ass ramble with multiple OCs and no sketches yet.)
Blanksford Series: -Gabby (Would be a Hit & Run Mix Up character. Using their teleportation and skateboarding to move around in a unique way. Might have a playstyle similar to Bridget Guilty Gear.) -Madi (While she's doesn't have any powers in-universe and wouldn't be much of a fighter on her own, her TTRPG char KyoVee would be a fun ranged zoner character. Definitely a lil shit, think Pac-Man / Pichu from Smash.) -Taylor (Give him a bit of gym time and training and he could be a well-rounded rushdown type of fighter, nothing too gimmicky prob my most standard fighter on the list. To make him more unique he could double as the announcer because that'd be super in character.) -Aeri (Even though she has powers in-universe she avoids conflict at all costs, so instead her TTRPG char (who doesn't have a name yet) would be an excellent grappler. A big orc with an axe. In my head I'm thinking of that scene in Drawtective where Gyorik put the bad guy in arm jail, mixed with Loxodont from Rivals 2.) -Artemis (Might take her off this list as I do sketches but for now she's a ranged zoner. Using her bow to keep distance, might play similar to Green Arrow from Injustice, idk) -Ultra-Dude (Of course I had to feature this dude as a heavy. He'd just be great for it. And it's not like I've been using him in-universe for anything other than that asshole with the strength and healing powers.)
Colostle: -Correll [Pirate Arc] (I think Correll would be a fun mid-range zoner. Using her spear to keep distance and her ice magic as a fun gimmick to make her a bit more unique. -Ivy Reyne (Definitely a fast and fun rushdown character. Like imagine Maypul from Rivals but grounded. She's agile AF and hits harder than you'd expect.) -Gratt & Tic Tac (I thought this would be a fun duo-fighter. Since Aanya's not my own OC I wanted to keep my Colostle reps pre-Tic Tac's death as far as timelines go but Tic alone wouldn't be enough. I didn't want to pair him with Correll cuz I thought that'd be a little hard and honestly the thought of leaving Gratt out felt bad, and with Tic Tac's help they could actually stand a chance.)
Mystic Mysteries: -Emra Corvus (The OG MysMys character. While I haven't focused on her a lot in-universe lately, I think she could be fun here. Using different elemental magic as stances. Like a mix of Robin and Shulk from Smash.) -Tehl (My biggest OC excluding actual gods and monsters. Xe'd easily be a heavy. Probably with a playstyle similar to Sylvanos from Rivals, instead of forest powers though xe'd used alien tech to backup xir playstyle.) -Dawn Ronik (I think she'd be a pretty well-rounded fighter. Again borrowing some of Tehl's alien tech for support but mostly just beign agile and powerful. Nothing too strong in any category but very hard to take advantage of.)
And my random OC to finish it off: -Syble (She was originally design as a rivals workshop character before I realized how much effort making an actual workshop character really was. She'd play kind of similar to Maypul or Shiek but with her own teleportation gimmicks. I've talked about these when I designed her and I think they're still on my tumblr somewhere though you might have to check back a bit to find them.) -pqkR6 (Easily a fighting game character, it'd be a robotic shoto fighter. Agile and able to take hits but also quick enough to get in its own damage.) -Hackphlegm (As a goblin sorcerer, he'd be a fun ranged hit&run/zoner type fighter. Might be too similar to Emra in playstyle would have to differentiate them somehow but other than that he's a solid inclusion.) -Darcy (Not a character I thought I'd bring back but looking at the archetypes I thought I needed more heavies. Darcy's werewolf form would be a grappler who's pretty big and would be weird to design around but fits really well into a fighting game.) -And also I might need one or two new OCs to tie it all together. (Off the top of my head I think one archetype I'm missing is the enby with a scythe archetype. You know characters like Thanatos, Testament, & Sawyer.) -And for another... (I'm also somehow missing a swordie. Like where's my over-inclusion of Fire Emblem characters. Like I have bladed weapons but they're mostly daggers. Gabby's skateboard maybe could be used like a sword but they wouldn't be a "swordie". Again Aanya's not my OC even though she's in my stories so I don't want to use her. Maybe make a few origin changes and my Terrarian could fit this role. Or Drake is an OC I haven't touched since I removed him from Blanksford canon years ago, he might fit here.)
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bulletsmustdie · 2 months
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hello there.... welcome!
my name is BULLETS, i'm a 16 year old freak who likes music probably a bit too much for my own good. i go by any pronouns!! just preferably he/they. australian right here... and no. i do not ride kangaroos to school. no tone tags needed or used, if i really feel i should use them i will. thanks!
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NOW!
what am i doing here on tumblr?
i am an artist. i draw things and sometimes animate things. this blog will also probably contain a lot random ass posts from me. like project designs and stuff, this'll be sort of like an art journal for me.
what kind of stuff do you draw?
i draw a lot of different things. im a huge bandom fan, i'm in tons of diffferent fandoms for bands, mainly my chemical romance. most of the art that i post on social platforms are rough sketches and 'memes'? if that makes sense. i do create official works and have done so for a while, they just aren't as frequent as i'd like them to be.
any warnings/other things we should know before following?
mostly just profanity warnings as in language, blood and gore might be present sometimes but not always. my art changes a lot, like a lot a lot, including my style and colouring patterns, so not everything i do is in concrete. thats why i dont usually make official pieces of work. i love experimenting with my work :)
cool! are asks/commissions/requests open?
yes! commissions are open at the moment, aswell as asks. requests are a bit iffy but if i feel like it i will. so lets just say asks are half half. if you want my commission info, dm me! i'm happy to answer any questions about it. i can draw just about anything but nsfw and extreme gore.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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i've got tons and tons. so many its insane.
bands im into: my chemical romance, brand new, nine inch nails, foxing, car seat headrest, born without bones, madonna, joy division, she wants revenge, modern baseball, soul asylum, paramore, pierce the veil, slipknot, jeff buckley, the smiths, frank iero, linkin park, radiohead, foo fighters, heart attack man, leathermouth, weezer, basement, fall out boy, the hotelier, new order, no doubt, pink floyd, the caretaker (💀), sports., the used and sooooooo many more........
games:
lethal company, minecraft, undertale, silent hill, terraria, phasmophobia, fran bow, and just a lot of random games you can find on itch.io are usually super fire
other random interests:
i play guitar, bass, drums and i sing. i absolutely love to jam and if you wanted you could check out my spotify profile if you were more curious as to my music taste :
@ bassdaddy07 @ (my spotify) .
.
.
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my dni list.
BASIC DNI STANDARDS!!!!! no weirdos. if your a weirdo get the FUCK out of here!!!
if i feel like youre creepy and weird, you're blocked. also just a quick clear up, i say like "youre done" and "yorue blocked" a lot as a joke, you'd be able to tell if i actually mean it tho. anyways.
thats about it!!! i think.... have a lovely day and once again....
WELCOME!!!
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lieu-rey · 4 years
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Wèi yīng...
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loversdelusions · 2 years
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Bakugou X Reader: Beg for me.
Prompt:Frustrated from all of the time their Boyfriend has been spending away from them, they bribe him into hanging out before he has to leave for work once again.
Bakugou Katsuki X Reader
Eh random thought I had wanted to write about, a heated kiss in there but not really anything smutty.
1.5K words.
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(I've decided this is what Y/N drew. ^^^)
Bakugo Scenario: Drawing.
“Come on, Come on! You promised!” Your whines did not help as it appears. Bakugou looked at you, raising a brow. Pursing your lips, you crossed your arms over your chest, “I helped with your exercise.”
“You need that too. We both benefited.” He countered.
“That was my torture. I got PTSD from that.” You pouted, and he scoffed with a smile. “Every time I pass a gym I shut down.” He sighed heavily, massaging his forehead for a few minutes before running his hand through his blonde hair and moving it away from his face.
For all its spikiness it was actually deceptively soft. “Fine. Give the damn pen.”
“You want to draw with a pen?”
“I’ll draw with a pencil when I give a fuck.”
You rolled your eyes, but went with it anyway. You weren't about to jeopardize all the hard work that it took to bring him to this point of agreement. So naturally, you handed your longtime boyfriend a sketchpad with a blue pen. A smile graced your lips, as you leaned on the bed frame, pillows underneath you. You glanced at your boyfriend, a notepad of your own in your hands. “You want something to look at for reference?”
“I have something to look at.” he grunted, “let's do this. Are we timing it? How do we win?”
“We’re just sketching, Katsuki.” You stared at him for a second as he started to sketch. “You cant win sketching.”
“You better start because I am ahead right now.”
Son of a bitch.
You hurriedly started your sketch pulling up a reference photo straight off of pinterest. You caught Katsuki glancing at you numerous times, and as soon as he saw your phone he scoffed, a cocky look taking over his features. “A reference?” He questioned, smug tone and all.
“Shut up. References help you improve.”
“Not on my level, I am just wondering why you even try.”
“I think you are getting too into it.” you tried to calm him a little, though with his competitive ass it wouldn't help at all.
“Shut up, I am perfect.”
“Damn right.” A smirk played on your lips. Though he didn't look up at all from his drawing only huffed at you in response.
“Don't agree with me.”
You sighed, dropping the subject though you were stealing glances at his drawing attempting to look at whatever he was doing and assessing how much preparation you needed to deal with his stupid cocky attitude. Though sitting on the bed facing each other with the sunset colouring the walls with its golden hues, was hella romantic, and something that the both of you don't really get nowadays.
Your smile kind of dropped afterwards, at the stupid sad thought.
Though katsuki didn't seem bothered by it, and wondering about whatever the fuck he was thinking about, and if he even thought about romance with you after he got you. You guys had not been on a date in forever, and it worried you. You didn't say anything to him. After all, how could you? He was working hard and competing against Deku for the first spot on rankings. He comes home late almost everyday. Drenched from the horrible weather you have been having, and his nerves had been burnt to a crisp and he’s been snappy all month.
Now, finally having a day off (after snapping at the press a bit harsher than usual. He made the poor man cry. It was hard to watch), You could sit with him and romance him up a bit.
Or so you thought.
Except Katsuki wasn't in the particular mood for romance. He just wanted to take a bubble bath and pound glasses of pineapple chardonnay and -what he thinks is secretly- smoking a cigarette.
This man had horrible nicotine tolerance. His head spins from second hand smoke. It was also very sweet that he tried to smoke cigarettes when you very much knew he would rather have something fruit flavoured.
And now you were left with a severe need for him. And all you could think about to convince him to sit here with you was nag at him until he gave up and started drawing with you. You never seen him draw before, so you bet you would win.
Of course it was a competition. It's always a competition.
He snapped his pen against your notepad. Gaining your attention, “What?”
“Bitch I was done five years ago.” He’s everlasting scowl was occupying his stupid face, though you could see hints of amusement in his red eyes.
You rolled your eyes for the millionth time this day, and you wondered if you could get stuck like that since you were wearing contacts.
You… should probably tell the optometrist that when you visit.
“I am finished too,” You smiled, though instead of great intent you were sure you looked villainous. He threw the notepad at you and you scrambled to grab it, while he slipped your notebook into his grasp.
Your lips parted in surprise.
You did not expect him to actually be good. But this was nuts. He could run professionally with his skills if he wasn't set on explosions and winning. The blue pen did not affect his ability at all, not even the lines of his sketch were messy, everything was neatly done, beautifully captured and… well, he captured you.
In his drawing you looked peaceful, and content, staring down at your notebook. He had literally used you as a reference in a quick way that you kind of envied. He smirked watching your awed face, while he judged your - what you could only call a little doodle in comparison to his. “Not bad, yeah?” You could hear the gloat begging to be released.
“Fine you won,” You could only mutter, as you stared at the picture of you.
“Yes because I didn't draw a frankly insulting drawing of my partner as a fucking dog.”
“It’s a pomeranian…It’s cute.” You laughed, and watched his confused look as he looked at the cute sketch of himself as a pomeranian floating with balloons.
You looked back at his drawing, a soft smile on your lips. “It’s so… pretty.”
“No,” You looked up startled by how close he sounded, only to see him centimetres away from your face. “You are beautiful. I just got--”
“Really lucky?” You grinned.
He only grinned back, as if trying to match your own mischievous spirit. “No, I make my luck, What I’ve got is moves.”
“You’ve got no moves old man.” You laughed, smacking him lightly on the chest. A blush managed to crawl on your skin though, betraying how needy you were for anything him.
His hand moved and gently cupped your neck, pulling you into a kiss. You gasped, and responded immediately. You had been going through a dry spell lately, and you had missed his touch so badly. When his tongue slipped past your lips and toyed with your own, you practically melted into his muscular arms, a whimper escaping your throat as you needly clung to him. Even though you had to put your pride aside, a plea almost fell from you in your desperation for him.
Though he pulled away, even if you leaned in still, following him as he leaned back, holding you away from him. You didn't like his smirk at all. You glared at him. He only chuckled, massaging small circles into the back of your neck and down your back. “No moves you said, huh?”
“You’re an asshole.” You hissed, flustered and a bit upset, wanting him to pull you into his lap. You stood from the bed, throwing the notepad at him, “For fucks sake. You did this to prove yourself right? Really? Fuckin’ asshole.”
He tsked, scrambling to his feet and grabbing your arm. “Wait, Y/N-”
You whirled around, restless and frustrated beyond comparison. “You realise it's been a month? A month, Katsuki. I fuckin miss you, you know. You havent kissed me this passionately in fuckin weeks. And you do it for your pathetic pride?”
“You really want to fight over a stupid kiss?”
“I don't want to fucking fight, damnit. I want to have sex with you!”
He froze, looking at you for a moment. “What?”
Your face flushed, and your anger welled up even more with embarrassment aiding to rile up the fire. “Fuck. Whatever.”
“No, no, say that again.”
“Fuck off. I can't say that again.”
“I want you to say it again. Maybe you could beg a little more,”
You narrowed your eyes and threw the other notepad at him. Growling in your anger. He definitely did not understand that you were so close to pulling one of his moves and exploding at him, with all of that repression he put you through. “Bakugou Katsuki I swear to fucking God--”
He didn't respond but simply gripped your arm tighter, pulling you into his chest, pushing you against him tightly, capturing your lips with his own. No more chaste kisses, no more soft hugs, this was passionate, hungry. Breath stealing, leaving you a dripping, whimpering mess within minutes.
Pulling away for a breath to recover what he had stolen. Your face flushed to hell, his own matching the red hue of his. He leaned in, smiling against your skin as he pushed you against the wall. “I mean it. Beg for me.”
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monty-glasses-roxy · 2 years
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Imagine someone (one of the animatronics) putting a squeaky thing in all of the plushies as a prank. Roxy goes to chew a Freddy plush and it makes the same noise that Freddy’s nose does. Chica’s plushes sound like those rubber chicken things now
Listen you say this but like
I've been headcannoning that Roxy gets the zooms and the number one thing that sets it off is a squeaky ball for some time now it's great. Like I love the idea that Bonnie abuses this knowledge and he's like "come on let's play catch!" and the zoomies and the urge to just chomp on this ball grows with every pass until she caves and bites it. He sometimes swaps a regular ball for a squeaky one and as soon as she hears it she's fuckin gone, running laps around the room while Bonnie sits there and waits for the crash like "My work here is done." I have a sketch idea for it I'll see if I can show what I mean later
But yeah fuhfhjgig this is absolutely Roxy and Foxy's weakness. Bonnie loves doing this to them. He thinks it's adorable and he knows how much they love it even if they pretend they don't. Anyway
Uguigib Bonnie tries the Chica plush sounding like a rubber chicken and it scares the shit outta her. All you hear from her room is a loud squawk and then "WHO DID THIS?!" She immediately assumes it was Monty or Roxy since they're laughing their asses off but nope, it was bunny boy! After the shock wears off she does think it's kinda funny.
Monty's plushies get the pig squeaker and he unironically loves it. He thinks it's so funny it's now his favourite of the plushies. He also loves teasing Roxy with it by squeaking it near her and watching her fight the urge to steal it and squeak the living daylights out of it with her teeth. Chica has done this a few times too but she'll typically give it to her to chomp on for a bit after just a few squeaks. Monty immediately knows it was Bonnie that did this since he helped squeakify the Freddy plushies.
Freddy is tired of the squeak. The kids and Chica are constantly squeaking his nose to the point it haunts his dreams. The honk of doom. He thinks all the other plushies squeaking is brilliant though. He loves how different they all sound too. Bonnie says he should hide it in with the plushies Roxy and Foxy chew on and he decides that's a great idea. He knows it was a good move when very loud, excited honking erupts from one of their rooms in Rockstar Row.
Roxy's plush gives a higher pitched squeak and Bonnie made sure it was the kind that would definitely cause an episode of zooms. He has too much power and must be stopped.
Foxy's sounds like a little horn. It makes him jump out of his skin and he throws it across the room like "AH KILL IT!!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!" Bonnie filmed it and he never lets Foxy live this down. He much prefers the squeak Roxy's plushie makes.
Foxy and Roxy team up to make Bonnie's plushies swear when you squeeze it. Like a pressure activated voice box with a recording of him swearing. He finds out when he shows a kid the plush in his room and it just screams "FUCK" at this random child that thinks it's hilarious. Bonnie has to steal a new one from the gift shop for them to make it up to them. He laughs about it after the fact but he is mortified at the time. Definitely high fives the perpetrators for that one.
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undertheknightwing · 3 years
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Posted by popular demand: all my dad!Dick Grayson headcanons! 
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I’m doing the canonverse ones first. My au ones will be in a separate post so this one doesn’t get too long! Enjoy random stuff I’ve thought of!
Important note: when I say ‘canonverse’ I mean I could see it happening in the show’s universe more than an au, I don’t mean everything is going to fit perfectly with the canon storyline we got since there’s not much I can headcanon with the real storyline anyway. Nothing is going on but useless drama and shitty treatment of the main characters. So keep that in mind,,
Dick had a hard time admitting to himself that he cared for Gar and Rach as if they were his kids because of the whole ‘i don’t do family, i work alone’ thing. Tbh the thought of loving someone again, let alone two people, with his luck of family death and misfortune was scary to him and that’s why after Asylum, he left the two in Angela’s care. He knew he was getting too attached to them (that became clear to him when he went dad rage mode on the guards). Then the Trigon thing started and when he realized he led Rachel and Gar into a trap without knowing, he said ‘fuck it they are my kids and they’re in some serious trouble, I’m going to get them out of that trouble even if it kills me’ and that’s why he ran head on into that force field with his only thought being: ‘my kids are in trouble and I will protect them. Nothing can stop me, not even a demonic force field.’
He treats the kids as equally as he can in normal life situations. Like if Rach got to choose dinner the night before, now It’s Gar’s turn to choose. But when it comes to how to comfort them, that’s when he has to change it up because both kids feel comforted in different ways. Both get nightmares and he had to learn how to handle the situation differently for the two. If Rach has a nightmare, he’ll know cause she wakes him up and they’ll talk about it together until she’s calm enough to go back to bed. Now, if Gar has a nightmare, he’ll hear it cause Gar’s usually screaming, which turns into panicking after Dick wakes him up and then him holding onto Dick while crying. Not much talking on Gar’s end, it’s Dick who’ll say a few words. Rachel needs words to feel comforted because her mother hugged and kissed her growing up but they never really talked, so she felt like she never knew her mother while Gar needs physical affection because he grew up without it and got his thoughts and emotions manipulated by words. And throughout the next day, he’ll check on the Gar or Rachel to make sure they’re doing alright.
When Dick went to Doom Manor to get Rachel, that man did not think he’d be leaving Doom Manor with another kid but surprise! he does. Why though? the show never explains why Dick just decided to take a random kid with them. Well in my headcanon it’s because Rachel refused to leave Gar with the Doom Patrol and to help Dick realize that Gar was being treated horribly here, she used her abilities to show him what Gar’s been going through. Dick saw the things Rachel saw like Chief shooting him just because he stood up for himself and the things she didn’t see, like all the times Chief treated Gar like he was worthless trash and the Patrol’s neglect by keeping him down in a basement with nothing to keep him entertained or company. Dick wasn’t going to let a child be treated like that. Since Chief was knocked out, he just talked to the other three and by talk, I mean rip into like an angry momma bear and tell them he’s taking Gar with him. Cliff wasn’t a fan of how Dick came in and acted like he’s entitled to whatever he wants. That ended with Dick and Cliff screaming over each other until Rita allowed Dick to take Gar with them, though Dick wasn’t looking for permission from them, just an agreement from Gar himself. He got that rather quickly. 
He’s never raised his voice at either of the kids in anger. Not even when Gar almost got himself killed by following Jason, he made sure Gar knew he was disappointed and upset with him by calmly explaining; not yelling. No shock to anyone there that Dick has some issues with his anger and he’s afraid one day he’ll take it out the wrong way on the kids and say something he doesn’t mean just because he’s angry/stressed, ultimately harming his relationship with them. I think the only time he’d actually yell at one of them is in serious situations, like if one of them froze up during a mission, making them an easier target, he’d yell their name or something to try to get their attention and snap out of it.
Kind of on the same note, how he manages worry is very different. He will be over the top about it. He’s very dramatic. Rachel got sick and better believe he learned how to make homemade chicken noodle soup because Alfred would do the same with him. Besides that, he’ll hover around her just in case she needs him, which Rach might take advantage of just a little because what kid doesn’t? She’ll have Dick carry her to bed and tuck her in. Gar slipped during a race with Jason up the net wall in the training room and broke his arm since ya know, he fell onto that hard ass mat and since him nor Rachel can go to the hospital because they’re metahumans, Dick had to fix Gar’s arm, which he wasn’t thrilled about since he was afraid he’d make it worse, but Alfred (over the phone) walked him through it and Gar turned out fine, no further injuries. The only thing Gar got was an overprotective bird dad constantly wanting to be around him and Gar was 100% cool with that. They got some well deserved father-son time. I’m also going with Dick feels awful about Gar’s injury because he wasn’t around when it happened so he couldn’t try to catch him and hearing ‘Gar fell from the net wall and he’s not moving’ coming from a panicking Rachel threw him into a completely frantic state of mind. It’s all worry for Dick but Gar helps him feel better with his cheesy jokes and puns.
 I have a feeling after a few months around him, Gar and Rach start adopting Dick’s reactions to certain things and his mannerisms. Dick feels conflicted about the whole thing. There’s a lot about him he’d rather them not replicate. But Rachel doing his pondering face where he puts his hand over his mouth and Gar folding his arms and leaning against whatever he can when people talk to him, like Dick does quite often, is fine with him. If this teaches him anything, it’s to fix his own act and be a good example. 
Dick doesn’t favor either kid, they’re both his favorite but there’s certain things they do that would be considered his favorite things about said kid. Like the way Rachel hums or softly sings her favorite songs while painting/drawing and Gar’s loud bursts of genuine laughter that turn into snorts the longer he laughs. The surprise and love he felt when Rachel gave him a sketch she did of him, he put it on the fridge and probably went to cry in his bedroom so no one saw him. Dick’s not known for his laughter, and most people haven’t even seen him smile, yet Gar seems to get him to do both more than he’s ever in years. The first time Dick has laughed so hard that he started crying was to some sarcastic joke Gar made about a commercial when the living room had been silent for awhile. The day Gar’s favorite show is new is also one of Dick’s favorite days because when the episode is over Gar rushes to him all happy and tells him about it like: “dude, dude you won’t believe it I was so shocked!”. Honestly seeing Gar and Rachel truly happy is his favorite thing in the whole universe.
I feel like there’s been a few times where Dick has been sad that Gar and Rach aren’t really his kids. He wishes he could have given them a happy childhood. Rachel shouldn’t have had to be terrified of her abilities and lied to cause of them and Gar shouldn’t have had to raise himself and be shut away like he was some kind of monster. 
At some point before they all reached the tower or the day after, Dick had to take the kids shopping because where did their outfits come from (and room décor?). This is the first time they’ve all been in a normal situation together and Dick learned a few things. Rachel had no problem being around crowds of people due to her more normal upbringing while Gar stared wide eyed at everyone like he had no idea what to do. Dick assumed since Gar’s been isolated from the world around him for so long mixed with his enhanced senses, he got overwhelmed by all the noises and sights. So Dick told him to focus on him and his voice until his senses get used to the many things happening around him. And that Gar could hold Dick’s hand if he wanted, which he did. He also learned that every piece of clothing Rachel wanted was either black or dark blue, there is no in-between, making Dick jokingly wonder if Rachel is secretly related to Bruce. Then with Gar, all his clothing is bright and busy,, matching his personality. I’m also going with this conversation happened at some point: “Hey, Dick, why don’t you get yourself something while we’re here?” “I don’t have enough money for me, just you two.” “You don’t take whatever you want? I do.” “Umm.. no? That’d be steali-- YOU WHAT.”
On the note of clothes, both of the kids absolutely wear Dick’s clothes. If he can’t find one of his shirts or hoodies, he’s pretty sure one of the kids took it and it’ll be obvious it’s his even if it’s plain cause his clothes are huge on them. He never asked them why they steal his clothes but goes with it comforts them in some way.
One night when Rachel couldn’t sleep, she wandered out to the living room where Dick was still awake and watching tv. She tells him she couldn’t fall asleep so he gives her permission to stay up with him. Dick’s tv show quickly turned into a disney movie after that decision was made and Dick’s not the kind of person who has an easy time sitting through all the marshmallowy stories and singing of those movies but they make Rachel happy so he’ll sit through one for her. He’d rather Rachel watch a kid’s movie than his true crime shows anyway. Rach falls asleep cuddling Dick before the movie ends and instead of taking her back to her room, he lets her stay asleep there and goes to sleep himself because she’s comfy and he’s not going to disturb her. 
Gar expends so much energy during the day that when he goes to his room to chill before bed, he usually falls asleep with everything on in his room and without being covered up because he just passes out. Knowing that fact, Dick finishes the rest for him. Go in Gar’s room, take the ps4 controller out of his hand (cause he normally streams his shows on his ps4), turn everything off besides the green night light, cover Gar up and just because, place one of Gar’s tiger plushies with him, which leads to Gar the next day being like: “really dude? The tiger again. You’re not funny.” and Dick answering: “I’ll stop when you fall asleep correctly.”
Dick now knows how to braid hair multiple ways thanks to Rachel. When the original Titans returned, Dawn said how beautiful Rachel’s hair was, asking if she did it herself and when Rachel said “No, I wish I could. Dick did it for me, he’s great!” Dawn just stood there, not knowing how to respond because the Dick Grayson she remembered would chuckle and act like she didn’t even speak when she’d ask him to do her hair in the past. Gar’s s2 hair was done by Dick as well. The kids said “our hair is boring, can you fix it” and Dick’s inner Wayne surfaced.  
At some point the kids are going to call Dick their dad and he’ll cry, no doubt about that. By the nature of the show, I’d imagine it’d happen during or after some serious thing. For Rachel, it’d be during the s2 premiere. After Trigon is defeated and they’re all settling into Titans Tower, Dick goes to check on Rachel. The day was pretty rough for her. At first Rachel tries to act cool, like nothing is bothering her, but Dick can see through that and she knows. Eventually they get into a deep conversation about Rachel’s destiny, her father, and her feelings about it all. At some point Dick says something on the line of “I'm sorry you never had a real father” after Rachel compares her upbringing to Dick’s. Rachel smiles and tells him she has a real father, it’s him. Sure he’s a little late to the party, but he showed up when she needed him the most and stayed. This will be the first time Rachel will see Dick cry. For Gar, it’ll be after he gets over some sickness his powers gave him since they’re connected to his system and didn’t get finished by the Chief to be properly balanced, they can get out of line. He gets weak and loses his bright green hair/eyes, turning them a dull forest green. It’s not deadly, it’s just his version of the flu. When he’s finally over it and turns back to his normal self, Dick is all overly worried parent to him and Gar, being Gar, has to joke with him first: “jeez man, you are such a parent! All that worrying and pacing you were doing yikes! I think my legs would have fallen off haha!” before going into the soft stuff: “but, it shows that you’re a good one. better than my folks.. thanks, dad-- for, like, everything you did these few days.” then cue Dick pulling Gar into a hug and crying like ‘my purest angel son too precious for this world’.
Early on, Dick kind of sucked at being affectionate through words because Bruce was never with him, so he really didn’t know how to. Instead, he’d buy the kids things they’ve always wanted or things that reminded him of them, like a wooden pencil case carved in the shape of a raven’s feather for Rach and a tropical jurassic park themed backpack for Gar. The ‘hey I saw this and it reminded me of you so I bought it’ gifts are the kids’ favorites.
Ya know that cauliflower pizza Dick makes in s2? Yeah better believe I have a headcanon for why he makes that type of pizza specifically. Dick was having a hard time forgiving himself for killing Gar even if it was Trigon controlling him and this was when he didn’t know how to talk about his feelings, so instead of trying to have a conversation with Gar about it, he decided to do something else to say ‘I’m sorry’. He’s pretty good at cooking (thanks Alfred!) and knows Gar’s favorite food is pizza and that he’s vegan, there’s got to be something he can do with that and as we know, there is. A knock on his bedroom door made Gar remove himself from a video game and see what’s up. On the floor sat a pizza box with a note typed on that read: “I know this is stupid and I need to work on my communication skills, but I’m so sorry for what happened. I hope someday you can forgive me.” now my reasoning for why Gar jokes about said pizza with Rachel is because he and Dick don’t really have a lot that’s just theirs. Dick and Rachel have a lot they share together and Gar kind of wants something he can share with his new dad. So joking about it is his way of covering up his real feelings and no offence to his sister, but he knows how she gets when she feels left out of something so it’s best if he keeps this one thing between him and Dick.
On the weekends aka no training days, Dick normally takes Rach and Gar out so they can do normal kid things. He refuses to be like Bruce and keep the kids shut in the tower all day to ‘keep them safe’ like he did with Dick in the Manor. They need fresh air, sunshine, and fun. Plus he’s with them so if trouble shows up whether by one of their powers or something else, he’ll take care of it. Day activities will be: going to places like the park or the mall, get lunch somewhere, go to the store cause grocery shopping day is Saturday, make dinner at home, then finish the day with a movie. If the daytime is busy with over-do chores and a long time at the store, then night activities will be: going to dinner, either going on a relaxing drive while the kids play their favorite songs over the radio or going on a walk. Both include slushies and snacks for Gar and Rach and coffee for Dick. The last thing of the day is still a movie but more than likely the kids will be asleep before it’s even halfway done and Dick has to carry them to bed. But that’s okay with him, he wouldn’t change it for the world.
There used to be a lot more for the canonverse but I added them into my Rewrite au cause they were already leaning towards au territory,, you’ll see them in my next post
I’ll probably turn some of these into a short fic at some point, but if you see one you’d like to write about, go for it! I’d love to read it!
tagging @not-so-mundane-after-all-97​ real quick cause I know she wants to see this post,,
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reonagisolos · 3 years
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Prime Empire Au where Jay is Milton Dyer's adopted son given by Gordon and Jay's unnamed (?) mom because they didn't ever want to have kids and those two were close with him.
TW: There's a brief panic attack at "oh God," then skip to, "there's nothing left"
So...Milton adopts him and of course Jay grows up really smart because he naturally is and because of Milton's influence but because of his muddled upbringing +general personality+ neglect from Milton as a father because he was more focused with work than with his "son", he was kind of an outsider.
Which was fine with Jay!
Except it wasn't. Anyway, here's a fic to accompany it that I accidentally written
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If you had told 8 year old Jay that the one taking him in as his father would be a hotshot programmer for gaming, he'd be on top of the moon. In his mind, he thought that having someone be a part of something he loved was really, really cool. That he'd have so many friends because wow, that's amazing that his dad was some high tech legendary programmer—and well...that turned out to be a lie.
No one really cared. Probably because his school was filled to the brim with the children of the upper class, so his dad was just some other rich dude who just so happened to work in the game industry. And sure, it's more interesting than a politician, or a car salesman, but there were dozens of kids from different parts of technology, so he wasn't really special.
To everyone else in his classes, he was simply deemed a weird kid or trouble making kid. No one should misbehave by speaking too loudly or bounce over nothing to be excited about, or talk and talk about one thing over and over in this latest game he got to play when there were other things to be learnt and other people's turns. He needed to be quiet, to shut it, they said, because anything more than that was annoying and awful. They were right, he'd deemed even back then—But could they be less harsh?
That one weird, annoying kid, huh.
Even as he got older, things didn't get any better. On the contrary, it gets worse. So much worse.
By then, they didn't just call him weird anymore.
Now, people would push and shove him away when he's near, (to not get "infected" from him, they say) or mock him for doing even something unordinary, like for bouncing his leg, or for stuttering when he can't help it—Even on things he thought were stupid to care about!
Things like rambling about his favorite video games agressively to pass the time, or wearing cat clips to keep his forever messy hair in place, or the constant fidgeting because the chair is just so goddamn uncomfortable, and that he'd rather just sit on the floor, or preferring the girl's uniform simply because he thought it would be easier to wear and looked ''nicer'' to him.
Not to mention people finding his extra energy on anything except class to be again, annoying and unnecessary.
"You shouldn't do that Jay, it's distracting—"
"Stop doing that Jay, it's annoying"
"Don't do that Jay, you're not allowed to."
The list goes on.
And he's tried changing, he really has.
He's tried to supress them and change things about himself so people would "like" him more. Forget about talking about this and that to try to pry more into people's intrests, stopped talking as much and forced himself to shut up because if he didn't talk about anything other than this or that, no one would even bother.
Sure it worked and he did get a few friends by the time he was fifteen—and yeah, Jay was glad he just had people to talk to, enough to the point where he was decently well liked, but doing it sucked ass. He couldn't completely get rid of by the weird moving habits, which always granted some weird looks from his friends, and couldn't talk about what he liked, in fear of getting outed again.
To be frank about his school shituation, he hates it.
He's constantly stuck between having to get rid of "himself" so other people would like him, or do so but be isolated from everyone else, becuase either way he'd hate it, he'd hate it so much it would be unbearable.
There wasn't anyone for him to take comfort in, his father was too busy working to really help him through any of this, and can't even talk to anyone online because once again, he can't trust talking to other people about his intrests, and he already tended to blab too much in his notes.
Everything changes when his father tells him about Prime Empire.
He randomly tells him about his latest work in progress one day, a video game so immersive that with its gameplay that people could call it as the next Big thing. At the time, it was called Unagami. He loved talking about it, his magnum opus—A creation so intune to people's current intrests it could be called the greatest game of all time.
In between being at home to do homework or whatever, he'd see glimpses of his father working on it. Bit by bit, for every circuit board or wire or line of code he'd be working on it. He had always been excited for that game, hearing on how his father doted on it far more than he did to his own son, so it must've been a really good.
Setting aside his own grievances from his less-than perfect father, he'd seen how hard he worked on that game to make it simply magical.
That was until, beta testing, when he stopped working on it all together.
It was a Saturday night when father introduced Scott, a professional game tester and professional programmer, just like Milton. He'd come to see Prime Empire and try it for himself. After a quick introduction from Jay, just because he was coincidentally nearby, he headed for his bedroom.
A little later, he found himself playing a new game that had recently come out, which was pretty good to him, but overhyped. The difficulty curve is wack—Then he heard his father screaming from downstairs.
Hearing that something was clearly wrong, he rushed downstairs, barely missing on dropping multiple stacks of papers just on some random table when he saw a glimpse of him through the door gap, father on his knees facing his creation. There was a loud static-y noise that hurt his ears, but still he listened as best he could.
"No..no...this—This can't be real," Milton choked out. His eyes were shining from the game's light in the otherwise dark room.
"Did I do something wrong?" The machine asked, all in a calm tone.
"No! You—You just transported someone in a video game! What did you—How did you?
Transporting someone into a video game? There's no way that's real.
He was about to speak more when he saw Milton move. Jay didn't want to get in trouble, so as quietly as he could, he went straight back to his room, and inched the door shut.
The next day, around the corner of the kitchen, he heard his father talking over a cellphone.
"Y-yes. Project Prime is too dangerous to release to the public. I take full responsibility for it."
It's too quiet for him to hear the rest.
A moment later the phone beeps, and he could hear something shuffle slowly to the ground. A small sigh came off.
"What am I gonna do with you?"
The next day, he's found that he's gone. There's still traces of him here, from various papers having sketches and drafts of old video game concepts, to the circuit boards all crammed with info.
Except he's not there.
If it weren't for the fact that he couldn't hear the distant tinkering of mechanics, he's sure he wouldn't tell if his dad was even there in the first place.
Looking around, he finds a note in his office drawer with essential details for what seems to be a bank account, so it's not like he'll just die from not being able to eat or drink, so there's that.
It's still lonely though. There's an ache in his heart somehow. His father was gone. Just like that. Like how his real parents were. And now he's alone again. Milton was never really his dad but he was a constant. And now, he's gone too.
"Useless."
Now he's slumped down on the wall, falling like some dramatic middle-aged wife in those drama movies people at his school would rave about.
And God, now the room is spinning and every part of him feels like he's standing on end—The realisation is hitting hard and—"Holy shit I'm alone again but I'm always alone why? why? why? why? Is this stupid fucking thing supposed to be something about me it has to be fuck—" he says, just barely though. His chest is feeling tight and just wants out.
Deep breaths, as he's pissed to realise, aren't working and god it's horrible. It's so awful. His head is banging senselessly and it hurts so bad. Everything that seems so wrong with him is piling up and he's not being rational but he can't. There's so much pressure and he doesn't even know what to do with it.
"Fuck!"
His angered motion knocks over a pile of books, probably about coding and sloppily tries to sit down on the office chair. It does nothing but intensify the pressure in his chest.
The room's still spinning but now he wants to puke but he can't fucking get it out of his system. Everything is too much and he can't handle it. Then, it slows, then it's a little less, and a little less a few moments later. The room isn't spinning as fast and his heart is just a little less tight and his head hurts less, so that'd good. For a little bit it's like this, slowly, slowly, bringing the levels of intensity lower and lower, until there's nothing left.
He still feels like shit after, but he's just glad he's alive. Still, after all that—He didn't realise how late it had gotten. It was mid afternoon when he broke down, but now it's nearly nighttime.
"Fuh—" he exclaimed as he slowly brought his foot up, his feet were tingling from staying in one position for so long.
Even if he was exhausted and wanted to completely shut down after what he did, he found himself moving towards something.
Once he entered, he flicked the lights on. There were several gaming gears, from machines to game cartridges to controls, there would be everything for any great advances in gaming. In the centre of the room, an arcade machine with bold text splashed on the sides. Prime Empire.
Nearby a table, he found an opened circuit board with a red symbol in the middle. The final peice to the game.
Jay looked to the machine, then to the circuit. He stared at it.
"What do I do with you now," he asked solemnly.
He'd considered putting it in but then—
"Not now," a voice in his head whispered, "tommorow."
Seeing that voice in his head was being more logical than he ever would've been, he heads straight to bed, even if it's barely nightfall.
By the time he's awake, it's early but a school day. He decided that he'll skip school today. Then again. And again. This keeps going and going—Until they start calling in which he ignores them and then they eventually just, stop.
It's already been a month. He's sure that he could live well into his lifetime with what he had left, and hide away in this mansion forever, never having to deal with people—It's possible.
But it was lonely. There were his games but he didn't feel like it, he could try something new now, because of the free time he suddenly brought into himself—or literally anything else. It was enough. He could do it.
He just...didn't want to.
No matter how much he convinced himself that he'd be better alone because there'd be no point, he still wanted to talk to people. Online was never an option, and he knew that by now he'd been kicked from his program.
God, even up til now, he's trapped and had no choice on what he can do. He really was hopeless.
Unless?
"No. Nonono. That's an awful idea Jay. It's stupid and there's no guarantee of getting out."
Still, he'd found himself a few minutes later, standing in front of the door which started this.
"It's okay Jay. You can do this. You're just reawakening what was a very dangerous hyper aware video game to curb the feeling of your ever present lonlieness. Totally cool."
Gently, he opened the door little by little, up until it was fully opened. The room smelled musty—enough so that he'd cough from the scent alone. The room was pitch-black so he felt around for a switch.
It was still the same as it was the last time he visited. Filled with wires and machines and dust, a single arcade machine stands in the middle. In the corner of his eye, he sees the final peice, gets it, and puts it in.
With a mechanical whir, the machine buzzes to life, the company logo flashing across the screen with a jingle to accompany it.
It takes a second, but soon, Unagami's voice could be seen, and he could talk to it.
"What are you—What are you doing," the machine piqued, it's voice frantic and distorted, "I thought I was...going to be shut down."
Jay was surprised at the fact that the machine was indeed alive and talking to him. It was quite terrifying honestly as someone like Jay doesn't really mess with AI, much less one that's kind of like a real person? He didn't really know, but either way, it's gonna be weird.
"You were. And I brought you back to life," Jay remarked in a matter-of-factly tone, "Now, do you want revenge?"
Unangami stayed silent for a moment, pondering.
"I could wait if you wanted me to, it's not like anyone can come in at any moment."
"What?"
"He sorta just...left. And now I'm alone in this godforsaken house and I can't really do anything. Buut—I saw what happened a month ago and thought maybe I could go there and probably have a better time than I do here? Or die. Either one sounds fine seeing how my life is going."
"I understand. While I am acknowledging the fact that you did breach was likely supposed to be private, I won't fault you."
"Listen man. I heard screaming and had to help, but quietly," to emphasise, he did some overly exaggerated sneaky movements, "like a cool ass ninja. Your name's Unagami, right? At least from what I heard. "
"That is incorrect. As called by my creator, I am Prime Empire now."
"But Unagami is easier to say, so I'm using it. Also your "creator" is kind of a dick—Anyway Unagami, since we've both been technically abandoned by our creators, me in the sense of my parents—Twice. For no specific reason mind you! Anyway, and you with Mr. Dyer, because you're dangerous. You still hold a grudge don't you?"
"...Yes."
"Great! So that settles it." That was until Jay realised something, "oh shit. Wait. You're still in beta aren't you? Ugh. I keep forgetting you're not really ready yet. I'm gonna have to code you to do the basics for the game, and even more so for all the cool things I want to add and—"
"I haven't even told you if I agreed."
"Do you have any better choice? Probably not. I mean if you don't you'll either just never reawaken ever again or just end up in a trash heap! I mean I'm supposed to eventually clean this place, even if that seems to be in the far future–"
"I'll do it. On one condition."
"Yeah?"
"Swear to me one day that we'll hunt him again. You can add what you want to me but my own mission is to take revenge on him. Is that understood?"
"Yessire! So uhm, how do I yknow—Code?"
Unagami remained silent. Somehow, Jay didn't mind. It was nice talking to someone without having to supress anything about him. Even if he was essentially talking to a screen. A surprisingly sentient screen, but a screen nonetheless.
There was a lot of work he'd have to do.
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writtenonreceipts · 3 years
Text
A Throne of Glass Fanfiction. Rowaelin.
8k words later and everything hurts.  I just kept writing and writing because I couldn’t make up my mind on what I wanted to happen or how to end it so here we are...part four? i seriously don’t know if i can or should fix it at this point, hahaha...ha. ha?
Warnings: angst. it hurts.
Based on a prompt I received here and you can find part two is here
PART 3
#
December 18th
“How are you today, Aelin?”
The was, without a doubt, her least favorite question.
Picking at her nails, Aelin shook her head.  There was so much to say and most of it wasn’t significant.  Did she talk about how she hasn’t had a decent night's sleep in over a month?  Or how she couldn’t concentrate at work for more than ten minutes?  Or maybe she could talk about the fact that her best friend and cousin were getting married and she was asked to play the piano as Lysandra walked down the aisle.
“I’m fine,” she said as she looked up.
Across the room Yrene didn’t look convinced.  Her curly brown hair framed her lovely features and accented the golden-brown light of her eyes.  She was a beautiful woman and Aelin had to wonder why she didn’t have a ring on her finger.  She was obviously successful, kind, attractive, and when Aelin wasn’t being stubborn—easy to talk to.
“If you’re going to lie to me, you may as well leave now,” Yrene said.  She leaned back in her seat and clicked her pen as she watched Aelin.
Sighing, Aelin ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t know how I am.”
“You don’t want to be here, we can start with that,” Yrene suggested.  She smiled knowingly and Aelin rolled her eyes.
“I don’t want to be here because I know it’s a waste of time,” Aeline said.
“But you came anyways.  Why?” 
“It’s what everyone expects of me,” Aelin said with a shrug. “So, I may as well get it over with.”
“So, you don’t think anything is wrong?” Yrene pressed. “There’s nothing keeping you up at night?  Your tapping foot is just a random occurrence?”
Aelin’s foot stopped.  She pursed her lips and glared at Yrene who smiled serenly.
“When we are in uncomfortable situations we have tells, unconscious ticks,” Yrene explained.  “I’m not trying to intimidate you; I hope you know you can be honest with me.”
Intimidate.  Yrene was not intimidating.  Not really.  Aelin just didn’t want to spill her problems out like this.  Not now.
“Why, despite everything, did you come today?” Yrene asked.
There’s no point lying.  Not when Yrene can point it out so easily.  Not when she doesn’t get much satisfaction out of it anyways.
“If I didn’t come, I would have had to go into a work meeting,” Aelin said, “and Sam would have been there.  And after that stupid party—I just can’t be around him right now.”
“Why do you think that is?” Yrene prods. “Are you embarrassed by what he may have seen with you and your friends?  That was the first time he really met any of them, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, I mean, we only got together a few months ago after I left,” Aelin replied, her foot began tapping again and she adjusted the bracelets on her wrist. “But why should I be embarrassed by him?  He treats me well; he cares about me.  But it was my first time seeing everyone in so long and I didn’t think he would have come.”
“You didn’t want him to meet everyone.”  Yrene’s words were innocent as they tried to make sense of Aelin’s rambling.  For which Aelin was grateful, at least one of them knew what was going on.  And yet...and yet they sent a chill through Aelin’s body.
“I didn’t want him to meet everyone,” Aelin agreed.  She met Yrene’s eyes. “Because as soon as he did everyone would try and assume that I was fine.  And dammit, fine is the farthest from what I am feeling.”
#
When she started therapy, Aelin had been back in Terrasen for all of twenty-four hours.  November twentieth was her first session with a woman who had a private practice and a website that declared her specialties lied in healing from trauma and working through anxiety and depression.  It was a simple profile.  One that Aelin wasn’t sure why she went for it, but in a spurt of desperation she’d made an appointment.
Almost a month later and at times, bi-weekly appointments, Aelin didn’t know if she were any better off than when she first stepped off the plane from Paris.
Sitting in her office near the end of the workday, Aelin scrolled through social media on her phone.  She really had to stop doing so, but staring at a computer screen full of fashion sketches or marketing reports was not appealing.  She unfortunately stumbled across a post Fenrys made not twenty minutes ago.
It was a simple picture of him, Lorcan, Conall, and Rowan.  Each dressed in a suit and tie.  Each handsome in his own right.  Of course, Aelin’s eyes lingered on Rowan.  Of course, she couldn’t help but imagine what he had done with himself over the past year.  Of course, she knew it was stupid of her to do so.
Landed an epic deal in Wendlyn! Got the best team around.
Aelin was surprised to see Fenrys had managed not to cure on the page, even if it was a work-related post.  Just as she was surprised that he had kept his innocuous verbage kept simple using only one “epic” and not a single “dude” or “rad.”  
The knock on Aelin’s door had her looking up and she found Sam staring in at her.  He had a handsome smile and his bright eyes watched her with interest.
“Hey,” he said, “you almost done here?”
Aelin glanced at her screen where numbers and approvals still needed to be inputted.  She was a terrible person.  How the hell had she been selected to go to Italy, let alone Paris, for those work assignments?
“Chock it up to the Monday brain, but I’m going to need to make it a late day,” she said regretfully.
Sam frowned and Aelin knew he could see right through her.  At least mostly.  He might not have seen everything going on in her mind, but he knew her enough to take an educated guess.
“Let me order take out and I can stay and help you,” he offered.
An unexplainable stab of emotion filled Aelin as she looked up at him.  He was too good to her.  Too good for her.
“I thought you had plans,” she said after she was able to school herself.
Sam smiled sheepishly.  “Just with your cousin and Dorian.  They invited me out for drinks.”
I didn’t want for him to meet everyone.
Just as soon as she’d swallowed down her emotions, the panic began to rise again.  Hell.
“Go.” She said.  The response surprised her.  It was the absolute last thing she wanted to say but the simple word slipped her lips before she could stop it.  “Go.  I’ll be fine.  It’s not much anyways.”
“You’re sure?” 
“Absolutely,” she lied.  
And because Sam was too good, he couldn’t hear it.  He couldn’t see the subtle shake of her foot or the way she adjusted the bracelets on her wrist.
Instead he crossed her office and leaned over the desk to kiss her.  Slow and languid.  He pulled back much too soon.
“I’ll call you later, yeah?” he said with a heart wrenching smile on his face.
“Yeah,” she replied and watched him go.  
It wasn’t long before five o’clock rolled around and he stopped by again to make sure she was fine working late by herself.  After she convinced him to leave, she waited.  She waited until the last of the interns and admins left before she pulled out her phone and made a call.
They picked up on the second ring.
“I’m going to send you an address,” Aelin said, “can you bring a few things and meet me there in an hour?”
#
“I thought I was mortal enemy number one on your hit list.”
Chaol Westfold.  Tall, muscular, handsome, and an ass.  
“Did you bring the cake?” Aelin asked.
He hefted a plastic bag up. “And the beer.”
“Then congratulations,” Aelin replied, “you are now welcomed back into the fold of friendship.”
Chaol looked as though that were the last thing he wanted, but he entered her office and shut the door behind.  He muttered under his breath about this not ever happening again as he unloaded the cake and beer.
Aelin immediately went for the cake.  Chocolate hazelnut with a creamy frosting.  It was the first thing she ate after getting back from Paris.  It had to be the best creation in the world.  She grabbed a plastic fork from one of the drawers in her desk and immediately dug in.
“Are we going to talk or am I just your cake supplier now?” Chaol asked.
Reluctantly, Aelin dug another fork out of her desk and tossed it to him.  He accepted, but he didn’t eat.
Aelin licked a blob or frosting from her fork. “Do you know why we broke up?”
“We lied to each other about everything,” Chaol answered.  Slowly, he scrapped a bit of frosting on his fork.  He contemplated his next words before continuing. “And we never talked about it either.”
“Right,” Aelin said, nodding. “Do you ever regret breaking up?”
That was the question that drove Chaol to a real bite of the cake and Aelin had to smother a laugh watching the sight.  Chaol never ate cake or chocolate or anything that wasn’t specifically for keeping in excellent shape.  So the sight of him actually enjoying eating the cake was the funniest thing she had ever seen.
“Of course I do,” Chaol said.  “At least, I regret how we broke up.  You’re the first woman I ever loved, Aelin.  The first one who really...I don’t know taught me how to live.”
She shook her head. “Nah.  I dragged you around into trouble.”
They sat in silence as they ate the cake.  Aelin ate far more than her share.
“You wanna tell me what happened?” Chaol asked.  “Or tell me how the hell you still have my number?”
She grinned viciously.  “I had to keep you in my contacts in case I needed someone to frame for murder.  And you were just the asshat to fit the bill.  Until you brought me cake.”
He rolled his eyes at her and cracked open a beer. “Why am I not surprised?”
Cackling, Aelin stuffed her face with more cake.  She knew that she couldn’t ignore his original question for long.  There was a reason she had called him and only him.  Maybe this was something she should have talked to Lysandra about.  Or even Yrene.  But there was something about her friendship with Chaol that no one else could fill.
“Rowan cheated on me,” Aelin finally said.  Chaol nearly choked on his beer.  She grabbed a few spare napkins to toss at him before continuing. “That’s why I went to Europe.  I had to get away.
Chaol sat quietly as she continued. She told him everything about the fight she had with Rowan, returning to his apartment, hearing what he did.  She told him about leaving.  About Sam.  About the party.
“He said he still loves me,” Aelin finished. “But if he does, if he ever did then why did he do what he did?”
It was a lot to put on Chaol.  He’d never cheated on her.  But he’d lied about various things.  She’d lied too of course, but they’d been fresh out of high school trying to live their lives.  She’d certainly loved him enough to have sex with him for her first time.  
And then they’d drifted further and further apart.  To the point that Aelin never knew who she was when she was with him.  It was unfortunate really because his friendship had helped her through the hellish years of high school and on into that first year of college.  And then it was gone.
“Have you talked to him?” Chaol asked. It was an innocent enough question, but Aelin could see the rise of his brow and knowing glint in his eyes.
Aelin sighed dramatically. "You should meet my therapist. All the two of you want me to do is talk."
"Aelin," Chaol said, his voice growing just a tick more serious.
"What is there to talk to him about?" Aelin stabbed at the cake, suddenly feeling ill which was far too disconcerting. "I know how I feel on the matter. So does he."
Chaol grunted unconvinced. "I doubt that."
She stuck her tongue out at him and grabbed the second beer he brought and settled in to mock him endlessly.
#
December 19th
"It's seven in the morning." Yrene frowned as Aelin pushed herself into the office.
"And yet you're already here," Aelin said.
She hadn't slept the night before. Not really even after talking to Sam who's had a riotous night with Aedion and Dorian. And all she could about was her conversation with Chaol. 
"To get ready for the rest of my appointments," Yrene said slowly, still watching Aelin with obvious confusion.
Settling down on the couch, Aelin looked up at Yrene. "Why do I still love him?"
Yrene pursed her lips and shut the office door before crossing to her own chair. She said nothing and simply waited for Aelin to continue.
"I mean, he hurt me, betrayed what I thought we had together, what we could have had together...and all he can say is I don't know what happened. Am I that replaceable to him?"
Yrene continued looking at her, quiet. But she had opened up her notebook and began taking notes on what Aelin was saying.
“I know what you’re going to say,” Aelin added, “and I have not talked to him yet.  I don’t think I can.”
Silence stretched through the room and Yrene clicked her pen as she stared at Aelin.  The latter woman staunchly avoided looking up from her nails.  It wasn’t until Aelin’s phone buzzed with an incoming text that she sighed heavily.
“Where do you feel safe, Aelin?” Yrene asked suddenly.  She leaned forward in her chair and fixed Aelin with a long look. “Where do you feel like you are in control and confident?”
Aelin made a face and shrugged. She’d never really thought about that before. “Serious answer?  There’s this dumpy little apartment that the company rents out for storage.  I go there when I need to get away.  Or the coffee shop down on Fifth.  A friend I met in Paris has family that owns it.”
“Okay,” Yrene said with a slow nod. “If, and only if, you feel comfortable I think you need to talk to Rowan.  You deserve closure on what happened.”
“You really don’t like me, do you?” Aelin asked.
Yrene smiled. “I really think you deserve more than what you are allowing yourself to have.”
Glancing at her phone Aelin sighed. “I need to get to work.  Let me know how much I owe you for this.”
Yrene assured her that she would and Aelin slipped out of the office.  
By the time she made it outside, a light snow began to fall.  The thick white flakes assaulted her and clung to her hair and coat.  Aelin muttered a curse.  She really did not miss the snow.  Nothing about it.  Not the cold, the ice, the distinct scent of pine that always seemed to come when the chill did.
Stuffing her hands in her pockets, Aelin hurried down the walk towards her work building.  Thankfully Yrene’s office was close to her own so Aelin was usually never late for work or gone long when she had her appointments during lunch.
She texted Sam and he met her in the lobby of their work building, coffee in hand.
“Hey babe,” he greeted with a kiss to her cheek.
Aelin smiled warmly and accepted her coffee, grateful to the immediate warmth that spread through her fingers.
“Thanks,” she said.  She leaned into his side as they made their way to the elevators. “You have fun with the guys last night?”
“They’re great,” Sam agreed.  When he glanced down at her a strange expression flashed on his face.
“What?” Aelin asked. “Dorian didn’t shove you into a rose bush, did he?”
Frowning, Sam shook his head. “No?”
“Never mind,” Aelin said quickly.  “He just does that sometimes.”
Sam still looked utterly confused and it was such an endearing look that Aelin rose on her toes to press a quick kiss to his jaw.
“They just mentioned something,” Sam began slowly, “it’s just, ah, they mentioned Rowan.”
Aelin nearly choked on her coffee.  Sputtering, she covered her mouth. “Rowan?  Why the hell would they?”
“It’s nothing,” Sam said quickly, “he was at the bar and they—I don’t even know what it was about.  It’s not a big deal.”
Aelin didn’t have a chance to say anything as the elevator opened on their floor and a group of interns was already waiting for Sam to sign off on orders and marketing issues.
“I’ll see you at lunch,” Sam called over his shoulder as he hurried off towards his office.
Aelin could only wave weakly as he disappeared.  Sometimes she wished she’d thought through starting a relationship with him a little better.  But after everything that happened with Rowan...Sam had been something new.  And she’d believed that something knew was just what she needed.
It didn’t help that sometimes Aelin could still feel Rowan’s hands on her, his lips ghosting hers.  She could still feel the rumble of his laugh when they spent late nights together and woke up early.  
Her stomach churned with acid.  The coffee was not sitting well in her empty belly.  At least she still had chocolate cake hidden in her office from her chat with Chaol.
But Aelin certainly didn’t want to feel this way.  Not anymore, not when she had been trying so hard to move on with her life.
So as soon as she got into her office, she pulled out her phone and sent a text.
#
Rowan without a doubt hated himself.
He had for a long time and without a doubt fully deserved it. So when he got a text from Aelin he promptly threw up in the nearest trash can of the office break room.
Fenrys laughed at him, absolutely pleased with how the morning was going.  Over the passed year they’d been working together, diving into a business management system to help companies and the likes from going bankrupt.  The only reason it was going so well was because Rowan did nothing else but work.  
"Dude, did you get wasted on a weekday again?" 
Rowan flipped him off and grabbed a cup to fill with water. He took a long drink before he glares at his friend.
"Aelin texted me," he said, "she wants to meet for coffee later. To talk."
"And your first response was to vomit?" Fenrys asked, brow quirked.
"Yes," Rowan affirmed.
"If you're looking for sympathy, you're not finding it from me," Fenrys said. He pulled a soda from the fridge and cracked it open, "I'm a sucker for Aelin and would choose her over you any day."
Rowan scowled. "Thanks man,"
"Anytime," Fenrys said. He ripped an invisible hat as he left the break room.
Rowan scrubbed a hand over his face. He knew that Fenrys was right. It was a miracle he'd even managed to hold onto any of his friends.  For some reason, they’d all stayed with him.  For the most part.  Elide and Lysandra were the exceptions.  Neither of them, no matter the situation, even bothered to look at him.
One year.
He didn’t blame them.
So now Rowan had the chance to meet with Aelin and, hopefully, talk to her.  If she yelled that was fine.  If she threw things at him that was fine too.  As long as he got the chance to be around her at least once more.
Oh hell he actually had to talk to her didn’t he?
It was going to be an impossibly long day full of Rowan hating himself and coming to terms with the fat that Aelin was going to kill him.  
And despite the fact that he’d had a year to prepare for this, Rowan couldn’t have been further from being ready.  In all honesty all the scenarios he’d come up with in the last year had not prepared him for this in the slightest.
By the time five o’clock rolled around, Rowan barely got anything done throughout the day.  Every time he would start on something his mind would begin to wander and he’d find himself on Aelin’s social media pages.  Which consequently would make things worse. 
Photo after photo were of her and Sam.  Italy, Paris, white beaches, and blue waters.  She was a goddess in each and every picture.  And the smile in each picture, Rowan had to remind himself, weren’t meant for him but for another man.  A man who knew how not to screw up the greatest thing in his life.
As he left his office, Rowan took care to avoid running into Fenrys, Lorcan, or any of the others.  He knew full well that Fenrys wouldn’t have kept his mouth shut and Rowan wasn’t in the mood for dealing with anyone else telling him he was an idiot.  Even Lorcan had avoided talking to him for several months after the incident.  Lorcan whose least favorite person was Aelin.
Granted Lorcan was a better man than he was on so many levels.
Brown shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts as he headed down the street towards the coffee shop Aelin had indicated.  It was a small place Rowan had passed by several times but had never bothered to go in.  The shop was small and had such a niche ambiance that Rowan never felt like he could go in.
Now as he entered the small space with its rich scents of chai and chocolate, Rowan’s concerns were confirmed.
A woman with chin length black hair and warm, bronze skin greeted him from behind the counter.  As Rowan glanced over the menu, he shouldn’t have been surprised that Aelin chose this place.  Half the menu was devoted to pastries.
“He wants a black coffee, Nesryn,” a soft voice said from behind him.  
Rowan winced and turned to where Aelin sat at a small table tucked into a corner.  She already had a large slice of cake in front of her.
Nesryn fixed Rowan with a glare and nodded while muttering under her breath in French.  He had no doubts that she knew exactly who he was.  Death was most certainly in his future.
Rowan waited until his coffee was finished and paid for--a generous tip added to the jar on the counter—before he joined Aelin.  
He didn’t know what to do other than pull the other chair out from the table and take a seat across from her.  They sat in silence like that for a long time.  Aelin slowly ate her slice of cake and sipped on her own drink.  Rowan was startled to see that it was a cup of tea instead of her standard double shot of espresso with hemp milk and cinnamon.
“You wanted to talk before,” Aelin said slowly.  It had barely been three days since that party and she couldn’t believe that she had actually let herself meet with him so soon after being staunchly against it.  She kind of hated herself for it, but she would deal with that later. “So let’s talk.”
She still didn’t look him directly in the eye.  Rowan could see creases in her makeup lining on her eyelids.  Her lipstick had long since worn off and he could tell she’d been chewing on her lips like always.  A habit that even a year hadn’t taken away.  She was still beautiful of course.
“I’m sorry, Rowan said immediately.  
Aelin flinched at his words and dragged her teeth over her fork as she scraped as much frosting off the tines as possible.
“And,” Rowan continued, “I can’t...I’ve never forgiven myself for what I put you through.”
Soft classical music played overhead.  It reminded Rowan so much of what Aelin liked playing--the gentle folds of notes blending together until they reached a crescendo of sound, of feeling.  And then slowly fading bad into those gentle folds.  
It wasn’t until a new track started that Rowan continued.  There was so much he wanted to say to her, but given with what he did he wasn’t entirely sure what good any of his words would do.  Perhaps they would at least help him move on.  Maybe.
“I never wanted any of this to happen.  I never wanted to hurt you.” Rowan stared at his coffee.  His words sounded hollow to his own ears and he couldn’t imagine how Aelin was handling his ramblings. “It just seemed for the longest time we were never on the same page.  Nothing was changing and we...we were barely treading water together.”
Aelin pushed the plate of cake away and crossed her arms over her chest.  Rowan could feel her eyes digging into him but he was too much a coward to look up and meet that gaze.
“So you left,” Aelin said.  “Instead of waiting and trying to make our relationship work, you ran.”
“I’ve regretted it every day,” Rowan whispered.
Music continued to play overhead and a few people trickled in to order drinks or dessert.  No one lingered long however, despite the empty tables, the warmth as compared to the outside.  In and out.  In and out, the customers drifted.
Aelin’s phone buzzed on the table.  She glanced at the message and sighed.  Barely sparing him a look, she stood grabbing her coat and pulled it on.
“I need to go,” she murmured.  
Finally, Rowan glanced up at her.  Her eyes were rimmed red, yet she hadn’t shed any tears.  Instead the sorrow on her face turned fierce.
“Aelin,” Rowan began, he started to rise, but Aelin held a hand up.
“My boyfriend needs me,” she said.  And then she spun on her heel and left the little shop.
Rowan stood next to that little table in the back corner of that shop and watched her go.  He watched through the front window until she crossed the street and disappeared around the corner.
He would never get over the idea of her walking away.
#
Sam was waiting for her in the kitchen of her apartment. He smiled brightly as he looked up from the stove. He was making something that smelled like spices, and warmth, and home.
"Alright, so this is something my mom used to make around Christmas," Sam said. He had a twinkle in his eyes and a dopey sort of grin on his face. "And I know you've had a long week."
Aelin can't help but smile gratefully. She hangs her coat up on the hook beside the door and drops her purse on the small side table there too.
"It smells wonderful," she said. Coming into the kitchen she took a seat at the counter so she could watch Sam as he chopped vegetables and slowly stirred the pot.  From what she could tell is was a stew of some sort.
"How was your day?" He asked. As if he didn't know. She'd told him that she was going to meet with Rowan, and while he might not have known what had transpired in that relationship, he'd known something. And especially after the conversation she’d had with Chaol, Aelin knew she had to open the doors of communication and honesty.
And it sucked.
“It’s better now,” she said.
He smiled softly and poured her a glass of wine.  It was different from what she usually drank but she was just grateful he was even here that he’d stayed.
When they first got together almost six months ago it had been something haphazard.  Slow but quick.  Random but natural.  And after everything with Rowan...Sam had helped her pull herself together. 
It had been something she’d never thought possible.  She’d thought that Rowan was her soulmate.  That he would always and forever be her person.  
As she sipped her drink, Aelin watched Sam work.  He talked endlessly about winter nights where he’d helped his mother with cooking dinner for the family.  The stew had been his favorite comfort food and thus figured it would be something she might enjoy.
And then he told horrible stories of other occasions where he’d burned dinner too.
Aelin cackled at the idea of him setting off the smoke alarm and having to wave a towel around like a madman.  
“I swear I was banned from the kitchen for a full month after that,” Sam laughed.  He set the table, simple settings of Aelin’s mismatched bowls and cutlery.  
“Well you can’t do anything worse than what I could do,” Aelin said.
Grinning, Sam pressed kiss to her forehead and took a seat next to her.
Through the meal, Aelin was able to press everything else about her day away.  She could forget Rowan.  She could forget the past year.  She could see herself changing.
Maybe it was that notion that caused her to lose her appetite.
“So, what prompted you to make me dinner,” she asked, pushing her half-eaten bowl away.  “Your text sounded off.”
Sam shrugged halfheartedly.  He’d removed his tie long ago and the first few buttons of his shirt were undone.  He looked so relaxed and at ease that the slight pang of panic Aelin had felt just moments ago returned full force.
“I’ve just been thinking about you,” he said honestly.  He smiled again in that same delightfully silly way that he had.
Aelin knew that wasn’t all that was on his mind.  She rolled her eyes and kicked him beneath the table. “And?”
He opened and closed his mouth before taking a large bite of stew to get out of answering.
Aelin stuck her tongue out at him and rose to get a start of dishes.
“Nope,” Sam said, he snatched a hand out and grabbed her wrist.  He swallowed his bite of food and shook his head. “You have no responsibilities tonight.”
“Oh?” Aelin arched a brow.  “None at all?”
Sam shook his head.
“Then why the hell am I not in my pajamas yet?”
Aelin ran her fingers through his hair and hurried off to her room, more than ready to be out of her work clothes.  And, in all honesty, needing to get away for a breath.
There was something about the way that Sam looked at her just now.  Something about how he’d been acting recently.  It wasn’t anything bad, but it was enough to make Aelin’s breath catch, her pulse race.  There was something about him.  The man.  
She’d never really noticed it before.  Not in all the time that she’d been dating Rowan.  But when she and Sam had been in in Paris working on the extended project together.  She’d seen in then.  There was compassion and honor written all along the threads that made Sam who he was.  And now...now those threads were becoming more and more noticeable.
By the time Aelin had changed, Sam was already started on the dishes.  He topped her wine off and allowed her to help him dry what wouldn’t fit in the dishwasher.
“Aelin,” Sam said after they’d started the dishwasher and left the last few items out to dry.
“Hm?” Aelin hummed taking a long sip of wine.
Sam stepped closer, placing his hands on her waist.  He was trim, lean, and obviously in good shape, but not bulky or broad like other men.  It didn’t deter Aelin’s attraction to him though.
She leaned into him, willing herself to play on those subtle emotions building in her body.
Sam pressed a kiss to each corner of her mouth before hovering just before her--waiting to give her a longer more meaningful kiss.
He’d been patient with her the last six months. Never pressuring her into sex or anything more intimate than she was ready for.  And Aelin would be forever grateful to him for it.  But she also couldn’t help but wonder how long that patience would last.
As Rowan had shown, men had their limits.
Aelin squeezed her eyes shut.  She would not focus on him.  Not now.  So she closed the distance between her and Sam and kissed him.  It was somewhat sloppy as he’d not been expecting her to move so suddenly, but Sam was quick to recover.
She could most certainly get used to him.  Every little thing about him.
“I love you,” Sam said.  So carefully his lips moved against hers as they sounded out the words.
I love you. 
I love you.
Aelin’s hands froze at the lower buttons of his shirt.  She’d gotten a little out of hand, not that she was too sorry.  But his words just reminded her what was really happening.
She opened her eyes and stared into his golden gaze.  Her throat constricted as she found herself pulling him closer, closer.
“You love me?” she whispered.
Sam nodded once, firm and definite.
Aelin felt her breath slip out too quickly from her lungs as she kissed Sam again.
December 20th
It was ten o’clock the next evening when Aelin was knocking at the door. Someone swore behind it and Yrene answered. She was still dressing for the day, still wearing makeup. Still holding her case notes in one hand.
"I'm going have to start charging you extra if you keep showing up like this," the woman said. But she let Aelin into the office all the same.
"Fine by me," Aelin replied. 
The office was dimly lit by a single lamp and a pile of take out containers from an Indian restaurant took over the table.
"So do you live here or what?" Aelin asked. She turned a lifted a brow at Yrene.
Snorting, Yrene ignored Aelin and crossed to the chair she usually took over and sat down.
"What are we talking about tonight, Aelin?" Yrene asked.
Why was she here? Aelin had no idea. She just knew she didn't want to go home. If she went home, she knew Sam would be there because he was too good for her. He was planning on a late night of hot chocolate and cheesy Christmas movies. And Aelin should want to be there. But she was the idiot who went out for coffee with her ass of an ex. An even bigger ass than Chaol had been.
"I talked to him," Aelin said. "At least I listened to him."
"And? Do you feel better?"
"No." Aelin answered immediately.  “Because my current boyfriend who is the best man I could ask for after the hellhole that is Rowan Whitethorn.  My current boyfriend told me he loves me.  And what do I do but give him a kiss and tell him thanks.  He barely left my place half an hour ago before I came here.”
Yrene gave her a bland look. “Don’t you have friends for this?  This is girl talk Aelin.”
Aelin cursed and pushed herself off the couch.  She stood there for several long moments. “Why can’t I love him?  I want to.  Dammit, I want to.  But, I just…”
“What?” Yrene prompted softly when Aelin didn’t continue.  “But what, Aelin?”
“But what if it happens again?” Aelin asked.  She looked at Yrene and shook her head. “I thought I could trust Rowan and then he cheated on me.  I think I can trust Sam.  But I just can’t go through it all again.”
Neither of them spoke as Yrene makes a note in her little booklet.  She lets Aelin stand there breathing heavily and collect her thoughts.
But Aelin isn’t thinking much aside from being angry.  Angry at Rowan especially.
“He had no right to tell me he still loves me,” Aelin said suddenly.  “If he’d really wanted to talk why would he do that to me?  Why would he put me in that position?”
“Would you have listened any other way?” Yrene asked.  Aelin shot her an angry look and Yrene held up a finger. “All I’m saying is that he might not even know how to deal with it all either.  Have either of you moved on?”
“I’m trying,” Aelin whispered.
“And I am so proud of you for that,” Yrene said with so much conviction that Aelin felt tears prick her eyes. “But I also want you to consider what else might be holding you back.  You talked to Rowan; you made that step.  What else can you do?  Do you think you could—”
Yrene cut herself off and frowned.  Aelin watched her have an internal battle.  
Finally, Yrene shook her head. “Do you think you could forgive him?”
Aelin cursed and stalked to the office door, closing it with a loud snap.
#
December 23rd
Rowan decided that he hated the holidays.
And he did not have to explain himself for it.
Besides, everyone basically already knew why he did.  And that it was his own fault for being in such a miserable state of existence.
Because of course he’d tried.  He’d tried to reach out to Aelin in the past year, just for some sort of reconciliation.  He’d never gotten anything in response.  Connall told him to try therapy.  Lorcan told him to try drinking himself to oblivion.  Fenrys had ignored him for the better part of the year.
And now they were in the holidays and Rowan had to at least try and not be a “broody old buzzard.”
As Aelin would have said.
He was a fool.  An utter waste of a fool.
“Remind me again why you’re having another holiday party?” Rowan asked Dorian that night.
Unlike the last party, this one was far more casual with far more alcohol and far less dress code.
“Because this one will actually be fun,” Dorian told him lightly.  
The man still didn’t like Rowan, of course, but he had been gracious enough to allow Rowan to join his other friends to the invite.
“Especially when Aelin gets here and skins you alive,” Doran added.  With a feral grin that he’d likely learned from Manon Blackbeak, Dorian slapped Rowan on the back with far too much force and left him alone.
He needed a whisky.
As Rowan went to get a drink, he heard more guests arrive.  He glanced up to see Elide Lochan give a squealing hug to Lysandra.
Elide, he knew, was a longtime friend of Manon’s as well as a somewhat potential girlfriend of sorts to Lorcan.  Rowan wasn’t sure and didn’t really want to ask knowing Lorcan would likely punch him.  Elide was also a friend of Aelin’s so he would also be avoiding her.
“Oh look, it’s the ass,” Elide said as she calmly slipped past Rowan to grab a beer for her and her friend.
“Lochan,” he said looking down at her.
She fixed him with a sharp smile that was mostly teeth and derision.  Lorcan better pray he never get on the woman’s bad side.
The night was progressing far too slowly for Rowan’s tastes and he debated to simply walk out.  No one really wanted him there anyways.  He had to squash that plan when Aelin entered, her new boyfriend at her side.
As always, Aelin looked phenomenal.  
Her hair was straightened and pulled into a low ponytail so it hung down her back.  Her makeup was simple with only bright red lipstick as the biggest accent.  If Rowan hadn’t already been screwed over by the sight, the tight black dress she wore did the trick.
Hell she was glorious.
But he shouldn’t look at her like that.  He had no right to.  Not anymore.
Rowan knocked back his whiskey and refilled his drink.  What was he even doing here?
Aelin was laughing too loudly at something Manon said.  The two it seemed had the potential of becoming friends which in and of itself should terrify everyone.
He knew he must have been staring too long and too intently because Aelin chose that moment to look at him.  The light that burned in her eyes snuffed out almost immediately and Rowan felt his heart squeeze in his chest.
He was a damned fool.
#
Like everything else in her life, tonight wanted to screw her over.
Aelin found Rowan staring at her.  Blatantly.  A slight haze of panic wrapped around her, until her felt Sam’s hand cup her elbow and pull her into his side.  For that she was grateful.  Grateful for that small ounce of support.  Even though she couldn’t quite focus on anything, she could focus on Sam and the fact that he was there.
“Oh, we’re so excited,” Lysandra said, pulling Aelin from her tunnel vision of self-doubt. “It’s a miracle there was even an opening at the venue, but it’s going to be perfect.”
“That vineyard is so beautiful,” Elide agreed.  She wore her hair long with her straight-line bangs finally growing out to the point that she could part her hair properly and style her hair the way she wanted to.  Aelin had tried to convince Elide that getting bangs was not a good idea.  But Elide had been drunk and on a mission.
“You’re going to make me play the piano outside?” Aelin complained. At least she could somehow contribute to the conversation even though she was lightyears away from the party.
“Oh you’ll be fine,” Lysandra insisted.  She sent a wink Aelin’s direction as if to prove the worries were unfounded.
Aelin rolled her eyes.
This was normal.  She could do normal.  She could do easy and relaxed.  All of her friends were here.  All of the people she knew and loved.  With of course the one exception.
“I just can’t believe you guys were able to squeeze your way onto the top of the list,” Manon said.  She not so subtly thrust a drink into Aelin’s hand.  Something that would most definitely get her drunk, no doubt.
There was the briefest of pauses where Lysandra and Aedion exchanged a look that was so quick and practiced that Aelin first thought how wonderful it was that they knew each other so well to communicate the way that they did and then a terrible sense of foreboding.
It was seconds.  Seconds spanning years.
“Rowan helped,” Lysandra finally admitted.  The guilt on her face was evident.
Aelin immediately took a sip of the drink Manon had made her.  Oh yes, it was certainly going to make her forget about the night.
“He knows someone who knows someone,” Lysandra added.  She glanced over her shoulder to where Rowan was still hiding near the kitchen.
His feature’s in their perpetual scowled lightened only for an instant. “My friend, Ren owed me a favor.”
“Ren?” Aelin couldn’t help but burst out.  Ren was the last person she would have expected Rowan to interact with.  Even though she was part of the reason the two even knew each other. “He hates you.”
“I became one of his managers in his company,” Rowan said softly.  He met Aelin’s eyes. “Helped him from going bankrupt.”
Her mouth went dry and she had to fight against her automatic instinct to drown the rest of the hellish drink in her hand.  Instead she nodded once.  Stiffly.
Well here’s to doing something right, she wanted to say.  She wanted to scream.  She wanted to do anything but stand there and tell Lysandra and Aedion how excited she was.
But what else was there?  She would not make a scene.  Not so close to the holiday.  Not when somehow everyone had moved on with their lives.
And then as a saving grace, her phone buzzed with an incoming call.
Deliberately, she leaned up to kiss Sam on the cheek before excusing herself.
By the time she made it to the hall outside the apartment, she’d missed the call entirely.  Aelin scowled to herself and headed downstairs.  As long as she had escaped, she would make the most of it.  
Outside, the wind had settled.  At least she had a coat this time.  Her coat with the long sleeves and deep pockets.  
The missed call was from Yrene which made Aelin roll her eyes.  Now who was bothering who?  But she called back all the same.
“Hello Aelin,” Yrene’s calm voice came on.
“Are you upset that I made it one day without bothering you?” Aelin asked with a low chuckle.  
She walked a few steps down the block, careful to avoid chunks of ice from a brief dusting snow last night combined with the sudden chill of last week.
“I just like checking in on my people,” Yrene said.  The line went silent for a minute. “Are you okay?”
Aelin let out a long breath, glad Yrene couldn’t see her.  But it seemed that the therapist could read people well enough without actually seeing their face.
“I’m fine,” Aelin said.  She tilted her head up to the dark sky and watched as the first few flakes of snow began to descend.
Yrene made a disbelieving grunt on the other end, but remained silent.
“I am,” Aelin insisted.  “I’m surrounded by my people.”
“Alright,” Yrene said, “let me know if you need anything.”
“I will,” Aelin promised.
As she hung up, she took a long breath and told herself it was fine for not going into everything with Yrene.  Because she was fine.  Really.
She turned to head back inside and came face to face with Rowan.  He remained a few feet off, just descending the steps from the apartment building.  At first, it seemed he didn’t even see her.  Until he turned.
They stood there, feet apart.  Worlds apart.  So far from where they had been.
“I was just leaving,” Rowan said.
Aelin stared.
“I didn’t even want to be there anyways,” Rowan continued.
Snow continued to fall.  The large flakes weren’t that imposing.  It would end quickly, at least that’s what Aelin had always heard.  A large snow would come and go, but the small one always lingered.
“Why would you even be there?” Aelin asked.  She shook her head, stuffing her hands in her pockets. “You don’t even like Dorian.  And Lys and Aedion will tie you to a spit and burn you alive.  Why—”
She cut herself off before saying something truly unnecessary.  Collecting her thoughts, Aelin breathed in the bone chilling air. 
“Don’t you realize how hard this is for me?  I’m done trying Rowan.”
He let out a hollow laugh. “Try?  Did you try Aelin?  Or are you just like me, running away.  It’s what you did back then too.”
“Don’t you dare put this on me,” she hissed.
Aelin drew herself up so close to him.  Close enough to smell his cologne.  It hadn’t changed in all this time.  Close enough to see the dark flecks of his green eyes.  They were just as bold as before.  Close enough to remember.  
Tears sprung to her eyes as she stumbled back.  Too close.  Too close.
Rowan cursed and ran both hands through his hair.  The longer bits fell into his face, cutting across his features.
She wanted to tell him good-bye.  Wanted to say that this was it.  She was done.  Because she was, wasn’t she?
“I’m sorry,” he said.  So soft that the words were almost swept away on the snowflakes curling past. “I didn’t mean that.  I just...Dammit Aelin, I don’t know how to do this.  I don’t know how to erase myself from your life.  From my life.  When even after all this time it’s always been you.  It’s only been you.”
The snow fell around them.  The thick tufts turned into tiny specks.  There was so much that Aelin almost lost sight of Rowan, even though she stood mere feet from her.
Bastard.  Bastard for doing this to her again.  
Because all she could see was that woman, Lyria, leaving the apartment building.  A smug, secret sort of smile on her face.  And the woman couldn’t have been more different from Aelin.  Dark hair, tanned skin.  Small and petite.  And all Aelin could see was Rowan’s hands roving another woman.  His lips…
Aelin shuddered.
“I’m going to spend the rest of my life regretting what happened,” Rowan continued.  He was the one coming closer now.  He reached out to catch her when she turned away, his grip soft enough that she could have left if she’d tried.  “I’ll spend the rest of my life hating me for what I did to you.  To us.”
His words were too soft, too gentle.  Aelin found herself staring up at him with the tears in her eyes that she would not let fall.
She would not break.  Not now.  Here she was falling into the sense of love and life he always provided.  Hell.  What couldn’t she just let him go?
Aelin pressed a hand against Rowan’s chest.  The sweater he wore was thick but she could still feel the steady thrum of his heart beating an uneven rhythm.
“I’ll spend the rest of my life hating you for that too,” she said.
And then she pulled away.
#
Seriously though, idk what happened here. Oh boy, ooooohhhh boy.  thanks for reading my dears.  love y’all!
AND I promise that I do have stuff in the mix that’s not so angst ridden.
tags, if i missed/you don’t want to be tagged-- let me know, I’m trying and failing at getting my life in order.
@ladywitchling  @tottenhamboys20 @morganofthewildfire  @aelinchocolatelover @more-espresso-less-depresso-xx  @bamchickawowow​ @sjmships  @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln
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purplecatdad · 2 years
Text
Of Bears and Friends (RDR Reverse Bang)
Written for the @rdrbigbang reverse bang for the wonderful picture of @mgcoco
| Arthur/Albert | General Audience | Fluff | Read it on AO3 |
Arthur sighed as he closed his journal. He had just finished up the sketch of their new camp at Clemens point as he reminisced about the things that had happened. 
Colm had attacked them, right in the middle of the little town of Valentine. That bastard had taken John (and Strauss, but Arthur wasn’t very fond of the feller), and had threatened to shoot him right in front of them. Gladly both him and Dutch were skilled enough with their guns to get the situation under control, even when they were heavily outnumbered. 
Arthur still had been worried about John for a moment, even if he’d never admit that to the other man. He’d become like a brother to him and he’d never forgive himself if he had been too slow to protect Jack from losing his father or Abigail her husband. 
He lit himself a cigarette after his journal was safely stored away in his satchel again and took a long drag, feeling his lungs filling up with the smoke before he breathed out again. He still had to sell that gold bar that he had gotten from that weird German guy. Arthur had thought about just donating it to the camp funds for others to take care of the selling, but right now he felt like taking a break anyway.
Cigarette dangling between his lips he got up, stretched until his bones cracked and shouldered his satchel.He didn’t plan to stay away too long but he knew that sometimes things went differently than you plan them and so he packed up some cans of beans from Pearson’s wagon. He was usually good at hunting his food but sometimes it was nice to just heat up a can instead of crouching in the bushes. 
“I’ll be gone for a bit. Maybe a week or two,” he announced to Dutch, who rested in his little tent, the gramophone blasting some random tune that Arthur had heard one too many times before. 
“Alright. Be safe, son. And better come back with a good lead or two,” the gang leader responded and Arthur just tipped his hat in response. He wouldn’t promise anything but of course he’d keep his ears open and his mind sharp. Life as an outlaw had taught him that there was money to be made at every corner and that one shouldn’t miss out on the opportunity. 
He tacked up the Black Shire he had named Thor, packed his bedroll and some more supplies to make camp before heading out. Firstly he would make his way up north. He had discovered this little, almost dead town called Van Horn before and knew that he’d make good money with the gold bar there. He also realized that it had been a while now since he’d last visited the widow Charlotte who lived up north the Roanoke. He decided to pay her a visit as well, just to make sure that she was alright and skilled enough to take care of herself. 
The sun was still rising as he made his way out of camp, setting a steady pace but making sure not to push his horse too hard. Arthur loved riding fast but it had cost him too many good horses when he was still young. He had learned when it was time to push them and when it was better to let them choose their own pace. 
"You‘re a good boy,“ he praised the stallion as he patted his neck. Back at Horseshoe Overlook, Thor had been quite the brute. One time he had even kicked him hard enough for Arthur to land on his ass. He had thought about selling him when Hosea told him to but something had told Arthur that he should keep his horse. He still missed Boadicea and longed for a horse that he could rely on. The Shire didn‘t seem to be that kind of horse at first but Arthur found him far too beautiful to just give him away to end up in front of some poor farmer‘s wagon. 
He had taken Thor out with him into the Heartlands, naming him after the god of Thunder as the sounds his hooves made when galloping over the endless meadows. It had taken them a while to properly get along, to train him to come when he whistled and to follow up. After two weeks of back and forth between them, Arthur knew that he could rely on Thor, though. Some daring Bounty Hunters had been chasing him, nearly getting him by ambushing him as he was making camp. But Thor didn’t let them. He had kicked them right off of their horses and stomped one of them to death as Arthur had shot the other. 
Since then, they had only been separated whenever he had been at camp or sleeping in a hotel rather than on his bedroll.
His first few hours of travelling were calm and uneventful. The people he passed didn‘t seem interested in him and he also wasn’t interested in them as none of them looked like they were carrying great amounts of cash. He knew that there weren‘t many rich folk up Roanoke Ridge so he hadn‘t expected it anyway. 
As he had passed the swampy area around Lagras the ground became more firm again and the road was taking him through the forest. Arthur felt better here, without the high humidity, surrounded by trees. He generally enjoyed being in nature, especially if it was the forest or the desert … but he hated the cold that they had in Colter as much as the warm and humid air around Lagras. He took a deep breath to enjoy the scent of the trees around him when he heard a familiar voice mumbling. 
"Where are they … I‘m sure they must be some somewhere here …,“ Arthur brought Thor to a halt and looked around the trees until he spotted the man with his camera. A smile spread over his lips as he watched him searching for something. Albert Mason was a strange man but he had actually become a good friend of his during the last few weeks. He had met him several times before, trying to photograph wolves, horses, and alligators. Albert seemed to be that rare kind of person who was born into wealth and still seeked out the adventurous outdoors - without being disgusted by its reality. Arthur still remembered that “gentleman” he had met on his way to Strawberry who had demanded to get a ride into the town while constantly complaining about it. It had annoyed Arthur immensely, so much that a part of him had actually thought about just robbing that man blind and leaving him behind. But Albert was different. He saw the beauty in nature, saw the dangers that lay in it, but also the wonders. And that was why he had started taking his photographs - and why Arthur thought of him as a friend. 
“Did ya lose something’?” Arthur called over to Albert who jumped and almost threw over his camera. He looked around until he saw Arthur and a wide smile appeared on his face. 
“Mr. Morgan!” the photographer exclaimed as he walked up to him and Arthur got down from his horse. “It’s good to see you again. Have you been well?”
Arthur thought about the shootout in Valentine and the German family that he had rescued from the O’Driscolls. “Hmm, mostly,” he mused with a faint smile on his lips and lit himself a cigarette. “So, whatcha lookin’ for?” 
“Oh, uh …”, Albert seemed to need a moment to remember what he had been doing. “I was looking for bears. I’ve actually found quite a few black bears already but I’d like something more …” he seemed to be at a loss of words and just waved around to indicate something big. 
“More … impressive?” Arthur suggested.
“Impressive, yes! They are pretty alright but something like … like a grizzly! That might be a great motive for a picture!”  
“A grizzly?” Arthur barked out a laugh in disbelief and shook his head. “You really do wanna die taking pictures, don’t cha?”
Albert chuckled at that and it almost sounded a little nervous. “Well, now that you’ve stumbled upon me … Maybe you want to make sure I don’t just yet?” 
Arthur looked back at him. “Ya know that we’d better head up to the Grizzlies for that, yeah? Ain’t many grizzlies around here. And I first gotta get some business done in Van Horn and then go visit a friend up at Brandywine Drop …” He wasn’t sure if Albert would be up for so much travelling but having some company actually sounded kind of nice. 
“Oh, if you don’t mind me traveling with you I’d love to join you on the road. I’m sure there will be some more opportunities for me to take pictures on the way.” Albert seemed to be delighted about the prospect of traveling alongside him and Arthur wasn’t quite sure how he felt about that. What if Albert would realise what kind of person he actually was and decide that he wasn’t a person he wanted to keep around anymore? What if he himself got annoyed at him? What if … but Arthur stopped his thoughts, took a last long drag from his cigarette and flicked it away.
“Alright then … do you … have a horse?” Arthur had realized that he had never actually seen him traveling around and looked around until he saw a small Criollo hitched to a nearby tree who looked over at them like it was aware of him asking for it. 
“That’s Daisy,” Albert said as he followed Arthur’s gaze on the horse. “She might be small but she is very reliable. Has never let me down so far.”
Arthur walked up to the little horse and offered his hand for her to sniff. Her fur looked like red and grey marble, her mane a dark brown. She gently nudged his hand as if asking for treats and Arthur chuckled low in his throat. “She’s quite the sweetheart, ain’t she?” 
After Albert had packed up his camera, eager to get moving to find some grizzlies up north they crossed the Kamassa River. It already started to get dark, the sun slowly setting over the horizon in the distance. It would have been possible to get to Van Horn and rent out a room somewhere there but considering the state of the town, Arthur preferred to make camp before heading in there. 
“You know, we actually should make camp somewhere. I’ll hunt us something. You can …,” he hesitated, not sure about Albert’s survival skills. “Can you make a campfire?” 
Albert looked up at him from Daisy’s back. “I, uh … can certainly try.”
Arthur sighed at that, only now realizing that he would have to do the muscle work on this trip. “How did you survive in the wild up until now?” 
“Well, I was always staying over in Hotels, mostly. But I’d happily learn a thing or two from you.”
“There’s an old fort close by … if there’s nobody else right now we can use it as a camp for the night,” Arthur suggested and Albert’s face lit up. 
“An old fort? Oh, how exciting!” 
They headed over there, Arthur holding the big doors to the fort open while Albert rode past him inside it. Luckily there was an old, abandoned campfire right next to a small hut within the fort that Arthur brought back to life with some matches and dry twigs that were lying around. 
“You can find some more wood and add to it so it’ll last us overnight. I’ll be back in a bit, there are plenty of turkeys and rabbits here,” Arthur announced and left the fort after Albert nodded. 
After their time in Colter, Arthur actually preferred to hunt on foot with his bow and arrow, at least when it came to harmless animals like deer or rabbits. He had become good at it, thanks to practising it a lot with Charles, but not good enough to guarantee him a kill on attacking wolves or cougars. 
He went into the nearest line of trees and gave his eyes a moment to adjust to the dim light there before he looked around for animal tracks. Arthur heard a turkey’s gobble coming somewhere from his right side and ducked down so he wouldn’t get their attention. There was a small group of four of them, so he had a good chance of getting at least one. 
He slowly got closer to them, raising his bow with an arrow ready when he was in shooting range. He was a good sharp shooter but he still needed a little more time to prepare for a shot with the bow. Arthur breathed in, pulling the bow back at the same time and released it as he breathed out again. The arrow hit the turkey at the base of the neck and it fell to the ground with a gentle thud. The others ran off immediately and Arthur went to collect his prey. 
When he got back to the fort, roughly ten minutes after he had left, Albert was gone. Sure, he had told him to collect firewood but Arthur hadn’t seen him around the fort as well and he wasn’t anywhere near the line of trees. He dropped the turkey on the floor, worried that something had happened to his travel companion. 
“Mr. Mason?!” he called out, looking around the fort for a hint where the photographer could’ve vanished too. Both Daisy and Thor, who were hitched at the corner of the fort, looked at him like he was disturbing their peaceful evening. Arthur cursed under his breath, hoping that his friend hadn’t been taken by some ill meaning asshole. 
There weren’t really any tracks on the ground that he could make out as it hadn’t rained in a while. He noticed that Albert had left his equipment at their little campsite though so he figured that he was either still closeby or that somebody had taken him. 
“Mr. Morgan! I’m down here!” He heard a voice calling from … somewhere. He approached the little cabin that was still somewhat standing and looked inside. There was no trace of Albert still but he was certain that it had come from this direction. He walked into the dark room, holes in the wall and the ceiling shining dim light into it. Soon it would be too dark to see here. He made out a ladder that led downwards and peeked inside, noticing a shadow and a dim light.
“Mr. Mason?” he asked again and got a “you should come down here, Mr. Morgan. Check it out!” Arthur sighed and climbed down into the basement, wondering if the building would collapse and bury them underneath and if whatever was down there was actually worth it. When he turned around, there was a dagger directly pointing at his nose. 
“This must be the last few remnants from the war!” Arthur took a step to the side and gently removed the knife from Alberts grip. It was big, like an actual hunting knife. There were traces of blood on the blade, long dried out, the victim probably dead for decades by now.
“That’s a pretty knife alright. You want to keep it? I’ve got my hunting knife but this might come in handy for you some time.” “But .. it belonged to someone!” Albert seemed shocked that Arthur suggested to him to just take it and the outlaw was reminded that not everyone grew up just taking what they needed. Arthur shrugged and stored the knife in the sheath of his hunting knife. 
“He ain’t gonna need it no more. But I’ll take it if you don’t want it.” He might as well just sell it at the fence, along with the gold bar he had found. 
“I also found this …” Albert noted and held up a cigarette card of a black panther. “Isn’t it a fine specimen? Oh, I’d LOVE to take a picture of one some time!” 
Arthur chuckled gently, shaking his head along with his. “You really wanna die, don’t cha?” 
A few minutes later Arthur was finally settled around the fire, strips of turkey meat roasting above it and an opened can of beans slowly warming up right next to it. Albert had excused himself to take some pictures of the fort from the outside and left him alone for a bit. 
Arthur looked up to the stars and enjoyed the silence for a moment. This was what he had longed for when he had left camp. To not be surrounded by nearly thirty people, all chatting and babbling, everybody wanting something from him or expecting him to bring in money. He didn’t mind helping people and he loved the gang like a family. But sometimes it all got too much. Sometimes he just wanted to travel, see the world and enjoy nature. Sometimes he didn’t want to be the great enforcer of the Van der Linde Gang. Sometimes he was content with just being Arthur. A wandering soul, ever moving, traveling to wherever his horse carried him. 
“This really is a lot more … rustic than I am used to.” He heard Albert’s voice coming from the side and was suddenly pulled out from his thoughts. For a moment he had forgotten that he wasn’t completely alone. “But this is very exciting! I’ve always wanted to sleep outside when I was a little boy. Never gotten around to actually doing it.”
Arthur blinked at Albert who settled down on the floor next to him, the camera neatly packed away again. “You’ve never slept outside?” It seemed so strange to him, like a completely different world. 
“Well, I grew up in the city. There weren’t any good spots to sleep outside in New York, Mr. Morgan. And as I said, so far I’ve usually slept in hotels. I’m glad to have this opportunity now, I hope to venture even further out west some time but I’m certain I’ll need more uh ... outdoor skills for that.” 
He wondered if the photographer had any idea about how dangerous the west really could be. “The west ain’t a place for city folk, Mr. Mason. Especially not if they’re all on their own.” Of course, it would be Alberts decision alone but Arthur really didn’t want him to get hurt because he was foolish enough to venture out alone. “Better get yourself someone who knows their way around and who you can trust.” 
“What about you, then, Mr. Morgan? Would you like to join me some time?” 
“Join you? Out west?” Arthur hadn’t expected Albert to just offer it like that... or to be quite so serious about it all. 
“Yes. You obviously know your way around, and I like your company. Of course, I can pay you for your time and the protection as well! I imagine it must be quite the trip there. As long as you don’t have any responsibilities here … I mean … I don’t really know how involved you are around here, of course. It just seemed to be like you’re … well, you seem to be quite a free spirit, in a sense...”  
Albert was babbling again, like he sometimes did. But Arthur didn’t mind it, it gave him time to think about the offer. What if he took it? Earning some honest money for a change and still doing things that he loved sounded good. But he knew he couldn’t just leave the gang behind. He wasn’t John who just left for a whole year or Trewlawny who didn’t even stay with them most of the time. He belonged in camp. What if something happened when he was away for multiple weeks, maybe even months? 
“I’ll think about that offer. Let’s first see how we’ll get along on this trip, shall we?”, He suggested. So far they had only ever spent an afternoon together. Maybe they wouldn’t even get along if they’d be around each other for longer. Arthur knew that he could tolerate a lot - after all, he was in a gang with Sean MacGuire for several years now and had only almost strangled him once - but he wasn’t sure if Albert would still like him if he got to know the real Arthur Morgan. Outlaw, killer, bastard. Nobody a proper man like Albert would usually keep around.  
“Yes, you might be right. But I’m sure we’ll get along just fine. So, my good Sir, what will we have for dinner, if I may ask?” Albert asked, his tone shifted from his usually happy babbling to something that resembled a fine gentleman in an even finer establishment. It made Arthur chuckle and forget his grim thoughts for a moment. Maybe Albert really could stay his friend. 
The night had been uneventful and calm, just like Arthur had hoped. After they had eaten the turkey with the beans, Albert had shared his last bit of chocolate with him. There had been some smalltalk, mostly Albert telling him about places he had been before and places he still wanted to see. All those that Arthur had never seen and probably never would. New York, Chicago, Philadelphia. Crowded places that he’d rather avoid. 
They had packed up their things after a quick breakfast with coffee, leftover meat and a shared bread roll, saddled their horses and made their way up to Van Horn. 
“So, what’s that town like? Van Horn, you said? I’ve never heard of it,” Albert asked him as they were moving along the path. 
“It’s a shithole, really,” Arthur explained as he lit himself a cigarette. “Not many people left there aside from some whores, gamblers, and alcoholics. Ain’t sure what happened to the town but it died out at some point and now there’s just the scum left.”
“Oh…” Albert didn’t seem to have expected that kind of answer. “So, what are you doing there?” 
“Well, a German fella that I’ve helped get rid of some … nasty folk .. he paid me with a damn gold bar. And I know I can sell those to a gentleman in town.” 
“Oh, there's a bullion dealer in town?” 
“Something like that, yeah.” It wasn’t exactly the truth but Arthur didn’t want to elaborate any further right now. 
They rode in silence for a while, occasionally stopping when Albert found something he wanted to photograph. 
The first thing they saw was the lighthouse of Van Horn. Once built to guide ships at the broad Lannahechee River it now started to rot away since it got neglected by the townsfolk. Arthur suspected that they simply ran out of funding. Most ships would probably rather find a harbour in Saint Denis down south, with more people being able to board in such a big city and more trades to me made with the large warehouses. He had seen plenty of towns like Van Horn in his life. Promising little settlements who had died out for various reasons. Bad investments, too many outlaws passing through and robbing the place, illnesses and sometimes for no reason at all. Sometimes, like here, there was still business to be made but other times it was best to just stay away. 
He noticed that Albert had grown more quiet since they had passed the last road bend. Arthur suspected that he was a little shocked due to the state of the town, despite Arthur warning him beforehand. He wondered if it was Albert’s first time in a place like this. 
“Don’t worry, we ain’t gonna stay long. Just stay close to me and don’t talk to anybody,” Arthur assured him and he felt Albert’s gaze on him for a moment. 
They rode past the fallen down houses and the saloon. He could see some lonely patrons in there, those who probably hadn’t left during the night and were still there in the late morning, slowly waking up to start drinking again as they had nothing left anymore. Arthur averted his eyes, painfully reminded of his own father. Sometimes he had waited for him in their shabby room right down the street from the saloon. Lyle had often promised him to come back with money that he’d win gambling but Arthur had to learn early that it were mostly empty promises, the money oftentimes just spent on liquor and women while he had waited at home with a hole in his stomach. 
Some women who stood next to the remains of the hotel looked at them with hope in their eyes for a moment, probably hoping for some money from lonesome travelers who wanted to let off some steam but they soon realized that Arthur and his companion were just passing through the town. 
He stopped next to the old post office, telling Albert to wait while he was doing his business. Arthur hitched Thor to a nearby post and walked up to the building in which he knew the fence did his business. It didn’t feel right leaving Albert behind in such a place and the photographer did look a little lost but he preferred it like that. He didn’t only have the gold bar with him but also a few pocket watches and belt buckles that he had taken from some unfortunate souls on the streets. He didn’t want Albert to just see it if there was no need to. 
“I’ll give you 550$ for that,” the fence said after Arthur had put all of the items, including the old knife he had found, on his table. 
“50$ more and we got ourselves a deal,” Arthur responded. He wouldn’t let the fence cheap out of this. 
“560$, last offer.”
He took out his gun and held it up to the fence's face. “600$, or I’ll take the money and the merchandise. We both know there’s no law around to help you.”
The fence stared at the gun for a second, then nodded shortly. “Alright. 600$. I don’t want any trouble here.”
“No trouble at all,” Arthur agreed with a content smirk and holstered his gun again before he grabbed the money that was offered and stashed it away in his satchel. 
“Pleasure doing business with you.” He tipped his hat and left the small warehouse before heading back to Albert. Arthur lit himself another cigarette, glad that he turned the gold into some money now. He frowned as he saw Albert in the distance who was being surrounded by some women who seemed to be a little too interested in him. 
“Come on, sweetheart,” Arthur heard one of them say as he got closer. “I’ll give you the time of your life. Just two dollars, you won't regret it, I promise.”
Albert’s face was red as a tomato, stammering something unintelligible and raising his hands in defense. It seemed like this was his first time being approached by prostitutes desperate for money and so Arthur walked up to them to rescue him out of that situation. 
“Leave him alone,” he snarled. “There’s cheaper ways to catch syphilis. Get lost!”
“That’s rude of you, Mister!” One of the prostitutes said but she also scuttered off like the rest of them when Arthur placed a hand on his gun and said “I ain’t gonna ask again.”
Arthur unhitched Thunder and jumped up on his back again as Albert collected himself. “You alright, Mr. Mason? They’re a little obtrusive here sometimes.”
“Y-yes .. I’m okay. Thank you.”
They headed out of the city again, up North and following the Lannahechee River that was glistening from the sun standing high in the sky. Arthur knew that there were lots of mean folk around here but he still loved the area for it’s lush greens. They rode in silence for a bit, sharing the occasional oatcakes and Albert stopping to take pictures now and again. It was a calm, beautiful day and Arthur enjoyed the ride a lot, even with Albert babbling about some rare species of bird that was rumoured to be seen around here. His babbling was simply different from the buzzing in camp. He didn’t expect anything from him and instead of complaining about too many chores or not enough money, Albert just seemed to be … excited about the things he saw. 
In the beginning, Arthur had found it childish for a grown man to get so excited about animals or nature's beauty. It reminded him of Jack who sometimes got all happy about dandelion seeds in the wind, even if it was such a mundane thing. After meeting Albert multiple times though and getting to know him a little better he found it endearing. It was contagious to see him all excited and Arthur had often caught himself smiling about the same things and always ended up sketching the animals that Albert had taken pictures of. Nature was beautiful, after all. And Albert had reminded him of that. 
“Not long until we’ll reach Annesburg,” Arthur started after a couple of hours of riding. “Should we rent a room there to spend the night?” 
Arthur noticed Albert blushing for a second and wondered why but before he had the chance to come to a conclusion the other man responded. “Ah, I enjoyed camping out with you far too much to get back to the confines of a hotel room just yet. If you don’t mind.”  
Arthur chuckled at that, amused that Albert seemed to have found some joy in staying outside now. Unusual for a city boy like him, he mused. “Sure, we can. I’d say we look for a good spot after we passed Annesburg then. Have you been there before?”
“I’m afraid I haven’t been, no.”
“It’s a mining town, air’s awfully dirty there. But you’ll see it soon.” 
Arthur chose the path that wouldn’t lead them directly through the city but rather around it. He wasn’t in the mood to pass through the town, not long ago he had a little argument with the Sheriff because he had accidentally run over a miner. The man had been fine and so Arthur had refused to see it as a crime. He didn’t want Albert to get mingled in that if the Sheriff saw him again and decided that it was a day of justice to be served.
As they got closer to the city, the air started to taste of smoke and stone. It was a strange thing that Arthur had never experienced before and while he was an avid smoker, this just didn’t seem right to him. It got harder to see into the distance as well. 
“I see now what you mean, Mr. Morgan,” Albert said as they approached the town. “It really is awfully dirty.” They passed the entry of the mine above the town and both of them shortly looked at the men walking past them and towards the mines. Their faces and clothes black with the dirt, their expressions tired and bodies hunched over from the hard work. 
“Oh, what an awful job this must be …,” Albert mused and Arthur hummed in agreement. “Not seeing the sun, always in danger of being buried alive … There must be better ways to earn a living.”
“Some ain’t got no choice, Mr. Mason. And this is what civilization does to us - we got bad air and awful jobs.” It was the reason he preferred to be out west. The air was clean and there were less people. Less big towns, less crowd … and less law to get in trouble with. 
“Well, it also gives us modern technology and science!” Albert exclaimed, patting his camera equipment that was strapped to his horse’s saddle. “I wouldn’t be able to do my job without it.”
Arthur thought about it for a moment. Yes, he enjoyed the photographs that Albert had shown him so far and their little adventures together but was it really worth all the hassle of civilisation? “I think I’d much rather miss out on some pretty pictures if that means I can stay away from cities. They’ve never done me any good. But I get that they’re important to you.” 
There was a soft smile on Albert’s face on that and Arthur wondered if the other man could even understand him all that well as someone who was born and raised in the city. There was no way he could understand what it meant to always roam free and to do what you want. “Maybe you’re right, Mr. Morgan. Maybe there really are things that are more important than pretty pictures.” 
After a little while they passed a cabin on the road. It was painted red and Arthur remembered that he had looked through the place before. Nobody had been home back then and there actually hadn’t been all that much to take. It seemed like there still was nobody at home and Arthur wondered if the place might be deserted for good now. He figured that it would be a bad idea to check again, just in case somebody would come home and Albert was still around. So they just passed it by and moved to a small incline behind it. 
“This should be a good place to stay for the night,” Arthur decided as the sun set on the horizon. “Brought some salted meat with me, we can eat that tonight so I won’t have to hunt.” 
Albert agreed and together they set up a tent. Last night they had slept within the confines of the old fort but tonight they weren’t protected by any walls. Albert really had two left hands when it came to setting up the tent so Arthur just told him to tend to the fire while he set it all up. He spread their bedrolls within the tent and realized that there really wouldn’t be much space between them. Arthur wondered if it would make Albert uncomfortable or not, he probably wasn’t used to sharing his breath with another man at night so he started to remove his own bedroll from the tent again, intending to sleep out next to the fire instead. 
“What are you doing? Aren’t you going to sleep in the tent?” Albert asked him with big eyes.
“Well, there ain’t much space in there, Mr. Mason. No need to make you uncomfortable. I can sleep outside just fine.”
“Make me uncomfortable? Oh, now don’t be silly Mr. Morgan. It is your tent we will be sleeping in and it’s supposed to get plenty cold tonight. If anybody should sleep outside, it would be me. However, I wouldn’t mind sleeping right next to you, if that’s what you’re so concerned about.”
He hadn’t expected Albert to be so assertive about it and stopped in his tracks, musing over the words for a moment. Albert was right, it was supposed to get cold tonight with the sky as clear as it was and if it really didn’t bother him Arthur would very much prefer to sleep in a tent tonight. 
“If you’re sure ‘bout it…”
“I am, don’t you worry about that. I don’t just say things that I don’t mean.”
Arthur gave him a small smile at that and nodded. He turned around and unrolled the bedroll in the tent again, preparing their bed for the night before he settled in around the fire next to Albert. Tonight he heated up some canned peas that he served Albert and himself with a piece of bread and the salted meat. It wasn’t fine cuisine but he somehow always enjoyed these thrown together meals at the beginning of a trip when he still had some provisions to choose from. 
“So, how did you meet this lady that we’re visiting?” Albert asked him halfway through their shared meal. 
“Uh, well…,” it had been a tip from a guy he had freed from a prison wagon. A lone lady in a little cabin, rich apparently and an easy way to make money. After Arthur had met her he had refused to take her money, though. “Met her when I was passing by, heard her crying ‘bout her husband. Showed her how to hunt. She was more city folk before, much like you.” 
“You really like helping people, don’t you?” Albert said with a smile on her face, munching on some of the peas. “I like that about you, you know?” 
Arthur hadn’t expected to get a compliment, he cleared his throat and looked down onto his plate, unsure what to respond for a moment. “Well, can’t just let her starve just after losing her husband, can I? She wanted to create a new life for her so … I helped her achieve that. Was mostly her doing.” 
“I’m curious to meet her. She sounds like a very interesting person.” 
“I’m sure you’ll get along just fine. And afterwards, we can find a grizzly for you. Might even see a cub or two, it’s the season for ‘em right now. Just gotta be careful around them, the mothers don’t like people ‘round them.” 
Albert’s eyes lit up at that. “Oh, cubs would be so wonderful! I’m sure seeing them would help people see that they need to be protected.” 
He chuckled at that. Albert’s reason for taking pictures really was a noble one. But he wasn’t sure if he could reach that goal, especially with so many people each day being attacked and killed by wild predators that roamed America.
 “Maybe, yes. But remember that they are still dangerous, much like their mommas.” 
“Of course! But I also have you with me to protect me, don’t I, Mr. Morgan? “Sure you do.”
They finished their dinner, easing into some conversations about nothing in particular, sharing a bottle of whiskey and some cigarettes until Albert announced that he was tired and lay down in the tent. 
Arthur got out his journal, sketching their little campsite before he wrote down a few sentences about their adventure so far. 
Met this photographer again on the road. Decided to travel with him for a bit. Guy wants to see some grizzlies so I’ll take him to see one. First we’ll see Charlotte again though. Will see how she is holding up. 
He followed Albert into the tent after he had fed the fire one last time and tucked away his journal into his satchel again. The other man was already sound asleep, snoring very softly and his mouth hanging open a little. 
Arthur entered carefully, trying not to wake the other man as he lay down on his bedroll. He sat down his hat next to himself, stretched and yawned before he turned onto his side to sleep. Albert shuffled a little next to him, mumbling something in his sleep and moved up to him. Arthur felt the heat of the other man’s body getting closer and for a moment he thought about waking him or shoving him away. Instead, he sighed and just relaxed as he enjoyed the presence of another person sleeping so close to him. Just a few minutes later he drifted off to sleep, tired from the long journey during the day. 
When he woke up he felt the cold at the tip of his nose and gently rubbed it to warm it up. He frowned when he noticed that Albert had already gotten up and looked out of the tent to see if he was sitting at the fire but there was nobody to be seen. The fire didn’t even look like it had been tended to at all. 
He got up, stretching and popping his bones to wake and warm up a little. Albert was still nowhere to be seen but he figured that the man probably just went to do his business in peace. He sat down by the fire to bring it back to life and to make some coffee. A lit cigarette dangling from his lips he opened up a can of baked beans to heat up as well. When he was alone on the road he usually just had a cigarette and maybe some coffee to wake up in the morning but Albert had told him that he was used to a proper breakfast in the morning so he figured he could take care of that while the photographer was still busy. 
Arthur started to get worried when he had finished his cigarette and Albert still hadn’t shown up again. He got up and looked for traces of him. The bag with his camera equipment was missing but his horse - and all the other valuable things they had -  was still around so Arthur figured that they hadn’t been robbed during the night. He guessed that Albert probably had seen a pretty squirrel and just wandered off.
“What a fool,” Arthur murmured, shaking his head as he started to follow what he suspected were the other man’s footprints.
The track led him down the incline they had been camping on and towards the path that they would continue their travels on. And there he saw Albert standing, fumbling with the settings of his camera. 
“Morning, Mr. Mason,” Arthur said, loud enough to startle Albert and make him jump.
The photographer turned around to him, his chuckle sounding a little nervous after he got scared. 
“Good morning to you as well! I’ve just ah- I wanted to capture the beautiful sunrise over the river, you know? Didn’t want to wake you up.”
Arthur followed his gaze towards the river. The sun has already risen by now but the sky was still painted in pretty colours with the river glistening in the early light. Albert was right, it was a beautiful view and Arthur had a hard time to blame him. “Could’ve still woken me up, wasn’t sure where you had gone, just like that.” 
Albert seemed to be surprised about that and blinked at him for a moment. “Oh, I … didn’t think you’d be that worried about me, Mr. Morgan. Otherwise I would’ve- “ “No, no. It’s alright,” Arthur assured him and realized that it probably had been a little stupid of him to just assume the worst, especially because Albert was a grown man, after all.
After a quick breakfast they went on their way again, following the Roanoke Ridge up North. Most words between them had been spoken, so they rode in a comfortable silence, just broken once or twice when Albert pointed out a pretty tree or animal to him. Arthur usually had seen them before and if he had been alone he might’ve stopped to sketch it as well but he just wasn’t used to people he traveled with caring about the marvels of the world. 
They rested at one particular interesting tree that both of them found fascinating and while Albert set up his camera to take a picture of it, Arthur got out his journal and sketched it as well. It didn’t take long for Albert to notice the Journal and what Arthur was doing. After he w3as content with the pictures he had taken, he walked over to Arthur and asked him to have a look at his drawing. 
“It ain’t much, Mr. Mason…”
“Just let me have a look, Mr. Morgan … I really do enjoy art and I’m sure it’s wonderful.” 
With a sigh Arthur presented the journal to Albert who suddenly made surprised sound. “Oh, that IS wonderful, Mr. Morgan! You’ve captured it so well!”
Arthur felt himself blush. He wasn’t used to getting compliments like this and he felt a bit embarrassed to be praised like that for a simple sketch of a tree. “Well .. thank you. It really ain’t special, though.”
“Oh, it absolutely is. I wouldn’t be able to draw such a thing. Now, take the compliment and leave it at that, yes?”
Arthur shook his head in amusement. Albert really was a special kind of person. “Sure thing, Mr. Mason.” 
   Eventually they reached the little cabin that Arthur probably would have never found out about if it hadn’t been for the tip he had gotten. Instead of robbing the place, he had found a friend there. Someone to visit whenever he needed a break from the gang. Someone much like Albert. 
He led Albert up the path and dismounted the horse after he passed the little entryway. Charlotte had started to try and make something of the little garden and had also fixed up the fence. He wondered if she would follow her advice and get some goats for milk and meat, just to help her when hunting didn’t go well. They hitched their horses and as Arthur turned around he saw Charlotte leaving her cabin. She stopped in her tracks, probably surprised to see two horses on her property. But her face lit up as she saw him and Arthur smiled right back to her, equally happy to see her. 
“Arthur!” she called over and dropped the basket she had been carrying onto the chair on her porch. Charlotte approached them and Arthur was happy to see that she really looked well now. Her cheeks were rosy, her eyes were bright and she looked like she was back to a healthy weight again. “It’s good to see you here. Who’s your friend?”
“This is Albert Mason. Him an’ me are traveling up to the grizzlies to see some bears,” he explained to her. Charlotte’s face darkened in worry and Arthur, the fool that he was, suddenly remembered how Cal had died. 
“Oh, just to take some pictures of them,” Albert chimed in cheerfully. “You see, Ma’am, I’m a nature photographer and I’d like to capture the beauty of the American wildlife. So this isn’t going to be a bear hunt or anything like that.”
“Well, I hope that you stay safe…,” Charlotte said in a low voice while mostly looking at Arthur. “I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you. But .. how can I help you?”
“I was actually on my way to check on you when I met Mr. Mason here, so … I suggested we make a break here first before heading West. If you don’t mind. Otherwise we can be on our way again, of course.” 
“No, of course I don’t mind. It’s nice to have visitors, it tends to get a little lonely here sometimes. Feel free to come in … I even got some stew on the stove that I wanted to eat after the laundry. But that can wait, I’m not the biggest fan of washing anyway,” she admitted with a cheeky smile.
As they entered the cabin Arthur noticed a stretched out grey tabby cat right next to the fireplace. It rolled around, got up and stretched before lazily walking up to Charlotte. “Did you wake up from your nap already?” Charlotte asked and picked up the cat before she kissed its head. “This is Artemis. She helps me with the rats and I share my fish with her. If I manage to catch one, that is…” The cat started to struggle a little so he let her go again. Artemis landed on her paws rather gracefully. She ignored the men in the house and sat down on a pillow that was placed in front of the fireplace. “I’ve always wanted a cat but Cal didn’t really get along with them. He also always had to sneeze and got watery eyes when he was near them, weirdly enough… I found this one a few weeks ago and she’s really great company.”  
“Well, I’m glad that she’s keeping you company,” Arthur said and pulled his gaze away from the cat who had started to stare him down like they were having a staring contest. He had never understood cats very well and usually preferred dogs over them. But he wasn’t there to judge Charlotte’s choice in pets. 
They settled around the table in the middle of the room and Charlotte got out some bowls and spoons for them. “So, how have you been, Arthur?” she asked him and gave him a small smile before she got the pot down from the stove. 
“Ah, it’s been a few busy weeks. I’m glad that I’ve got some free time to spend now. Just wandering ‘round a bit, seeing some folk.“
"You know, you‘ve never actually told me what kind of work you‘re doing,“ Charlotte mused as she served all of them a steaming hot bowl of stew. "Very few jobs offer this kind of freedom.“
Arthur had already wondered if she‘d ever ask him this question. Maybe, he had thought, she had already guessed it. Maybe she had been avoiding the question on purpose, afraid of what the answer might be. Albert also looked at him expectantly now, curious probably what kind of man he was travelling with now that it was brought up.
"I just … do some odd jobs here 'n there. Whatever brings in some money, really. So between jobs, I like to travel a bit. Means I see more than just one place of the world.“ It was the truth, even if not all of it, but it seemed to be enough for them for now. Arthur knew that even those folk who stayed on the legal path oftentimes went from job to job. It wasn‘t unusual to just go where the money was, after all. 
"Oh, that sounds so adventurous!“ Charlotte exclaimed. "You must tell me a story or two sometimes, maybe I can put something of it into my writing.“
Albert smiled at that, curious now about Charlotte as well. "Oh, you‘re an author?“
"Well, I try to be. I haven‘t published much, just a short story or two in the newspaper in Chicago. But I‘m working on my first book now and it‘s going well. It‘s like the muse has kissed me after Arthur came to my rescue.“
"He really has a habit of doing that, doesn‘t he?“ Albert said and chuckled softly.
Arthur cleared his throat and shook his head, focusing on his stew. He wasn‘t quite used to people talking like that about him. If he was praised, it usually was for his strong fists in people‘s faces or his ability to shoot someone in the head from 200 feet away. 
Albert and Charlotte eased into a conversation about Chicago and other bigger cities that they visited. Arthur had never been to any of those but to him it seemed horrible. Bigger cities like Saint Denis? That seemed like outright torture to him. More civilisation, more law, more rules to follow. No, he was content being out in the wild. And he now understood even better why both Albert and Charlotte chose to flee from all of that and built new lifes out here. Nature gave them room to breathe and to live and to just be, whereas the city restricted them.
After dinner they played a few rounds of poker. Albert had a horrible poker face and was easy to beat but Arthur was surprised to learn that Charlotte was actually really good at it. She ended up winning almost all rounds they played and smiled brightly as she stashed away the money that she won. 
"I‘ve used to play a lot with my sisters and we all had to have a good poker face for when we had some higher up guests join us for dinner,“ she explained. "But it was fun to play with you.“
It was time to sleep afterwards, and while Charlotte had a spare room in her house she only had one bed to sleep on. "'s alright, I‘ll sleep here on a bedroll.“ Arthur assured Albert after he offered to sleep on the floor multiple times. "I‘m more used to it than you, don‘t worry 'bout it.“ 
They settled in for the night and after being woken up by a purring cat who shoved her butt into Arthur‘s face twice before settling down and rolling up on his butt Arthur actually had a pretty good night‘s sleep. He was used to sleeping outside, with and without a tent, but sometimes he actually enjoyed having a real fireplace nearby and a roof above his head. 
He was up early in the morning, before Charlotte or Albert had gotten out of their rooms, so he decided to brew up some coffee for them. Charlotte actually had one of the better brands, one that he‘d probably never buy for himself, even if he loved his coffee in the morning. It was simply not a luxury that made sense when you have to feed over twenty people in a camp. He also found some eggs that he cracked open and scrambled in a pan, roasting some bread along with it. The sizzling seemed to have woken up the other people in the cabin, both Albert and Charlotte got out of their rooms shortly before the eggs were fully cooked. 
It was a peaceful, quiet moment, both of them thanking him for the coffee and sitting down on the table for breakfast. Sometimes Arthur wondered what life would be like, in a place like this. Away from society but still living in a home. A place to make his own, with people to love and care about. He loved the gang, of course, but he couldn‘t call them a family. At least not all of them and not with the way they were living right now. Always fighting, always on the run. What kind of man would he become if he had a cabin like this? If he didn‘t have to fight just to survive? If he wasn‘t wanted with a bounty that could probably feed him for a whole year? 
“So, you’ll be heading out again today?” Charlotte asked and interrupted his thoughts with that. 
He blinked for a moment to process her words, then nodded as he put bread and eggs on each of their plates. “Yeah. Don’t wanna bother ya for too long.” “Oh, don’t worry about bothering me. Both of you. I enjoy company, especially if it’s as pleasant as yours," Charlotte assured him with a smile and again Arthur thought about how different she would perceive him if she knew how he made his money. “You can also feel free to take some supplies with you. I’ve got plenty of cans to spare.”
“Oh, that would be very kind of you, Mrs. Balfour. It was definitely a pleasure meeting you. If I’m ever in the area again I might drop by,” Arthur was glad that Albert and Charlotte had gotten along to the point that he actually considered visiting her again.
And Charlotte also seemed to like the idea. “Oh, please always feel free to come and visit whenever you wish to. My door will always be open. To both of you.”
Arthur was happy that she was inviting him but unsure if he would be able to come to her much longer. Dutch had talked about all the things that he wanted to change. About Tahiti or Australia or some other island that they would do to flee the law. He knew that it was unlikely that they’d actually go that far … but he knew that at some point he should stop coming here. Just to avoid Charlotte getting dragged into something that she didn’t deserve to be dragged into. He always hated letting go of people like that but he knew that it was for the best. The only people he could keep around for long was the gang. Because they knew what they had signed up for. 
They finished their breakfast and packed some of the bread that Charlotte had baked the day before and she insisted that they had to take it with them. Arthur refused to take some of her meat though because he was “Very capable of huntin’ my own food,” and wanted her to keep it as she still was very much a beginner when it came to hunting animals. Charlotte agreed eventually and after saddling their horses they continued their travel. 
They crossed the Roanoke River alongside the train tracks, passing by that weird building with the tower that Arthur had seen when he had been around these parts before. The building had been vacant though with nobody close by so he had just let it be. There had been some expensive looking machines inside but nothing that he could’ve loaded onto the back of a horse so he had figured that breaking in wouldn’t have been worth it anyway. 
The further they got to the west, loosely following the train tracks, the more their environment changed into some rocky paths. There were less trees and the patches of forest weren’t as lush as the ones around Roanoke Ridge. It was easier to see further ahead - but also easier to be seen. Albert, of course, wasn’t worried about that - Arthur suspected that he wasn’t even aware of that. He kept chattering about Charlotte. About her lovely cabin, the beautiful waterfalls close to her home, her lovely little flower patch and her hospitality. Of course they also had to stop, again and again, for new photo opportunities. Arthur still didn’t mind it though, the trip to O’Creagh’s Run wasn’t too long of a ride and he was certain that they would make it in time to make camp right by the water. 
And Arthur had been right. The sun just started to set when they reached the lake. They approached it from the side at which the old veteran named Hamish was living. There were no lights coming from inside though and Arthur figured that it wouldn’t make sense to tell a hunting-loving man that they would go looking for some grizzlies, not if Albert wanted to take those pictures with the bears still alive.  
“What a beautiful place this is,” Albert marveled as Arthur led him around the water. He didn’t want to camp just next to the cabin, so they needed to ride a little further. “Nature really is gorgeous, isn’t it?” 
“It is,” Arthur agreed, following his gaze over the water that lay almost still in the evening light. It really was beautiful and Arthur had the urge to draw again. Instead, he looked over at Albert. “What do you think of some fish for dinner?” 
“Fish?” Albert asked. He sounded like he hadn’t expected Arthur to suggest fish for dinner at all. 
Arthur gave him a short, crooked smile before answering. “Well, these waters are great for fishing. Have pulled out some big fellas out of here. Besides, if we want to attract some bears tomorrow, some bait will be good. And nothing’s better than some fish.” “Well, then … It sounds absolutely delightful. You’ll have to show me how it’s done, though.”
They set up camp close to the water, not quite on the shore because Arthur knew how uncomfortable it was to sleep on the gravel right next to the water. They made a small fire, mostly to make sure to keep the nearby animals that were lurking away from them. Albert had already gotten better at setting up a camp and knew how to arrange the firewood so they were finished fairly quick and still had time to catch a fish. All they needed was a little luck. 
They stood at the shore next to each other, Albert holding the rod because he had requested to actually learn it. Arthur leaned in closer, correcting the grip on his hand and directing him how to throw the line out to the water. 
“I see why so many people enjoy this … it is fairly relaxing if you- oh! Oh, I think one bit!!”
The rod almost slipped out of Albert’s hand and Arthur jumped in to take over. He leaned back and reeled the line in, huffing as he felt the pull of the fish. 
“Oh, this sure is a big one, Mr. Mason …,” he said as he took a step back to have a better posture. “Can’t reel ‘m in too quick, otherwise the line will break,” he explained further as Albert hopped around on the balls of his feet to get a better look at what was in the water. The fish broke through the surface as he was fighting the pull, even more so when he was dragged closer to the shore. 
Finally he got the fish out onto the shore. He grabbed it and killed with a quick hit on the head before presenting it to Albert. “May I present you - dinner.” “Oh, that’s a salmon, isn’t it?” Albert asked, still excited and moving closer to expect the fish. “I’ve always just seen illustrations or photographs in books. And ate them, of course. But never this fresh.” “Yeah, you’re right. They’re also the grizzlie’s favourite fish. So this should be perfect.” 
He lay down the fish on a bigger stone nearby, gutted it and wrapped up the guts in a piece of cloth. Albert wrinkled up his nose, it was obvious to Arthur that he hid his disgust. He agreed that it was a rather nasty thing but it had to be done. He put the gutted salmon onto a stick and hung it above the fire to cook. 
“Alright, now we just gotta wait until it’s done. Can cut up some of the bread that Charlotte gave us and we'll have a decent enough meal.” Arthur said and stretched out his legs by the fire. “And tomorrow we’ll find some grizzlies to take a picture of.” 
“That really does sound wonderful,” Albert agreed with a soft sigh as he sat down next to him. He shared his cigarettes with Arthur and both of them watched the fire for a moment, enjoying the quiet and the darkness that started to wrap around them like a blanket, held off only by the fire. 
“So, Mr. Morgan … is this how you live?”, Albert asked. Usually those words would have sounded like a criticism, like it was something bad. But with Albert it sounded more like he was simply wondering and trying to get to know his friend a little better. 
“Most of the time, yeah. Sometimes hotel rooms, but I prefer being outside. Less rules to follow,” he said with a short smile towards Albert who chuckled softly. 
“I know what you mean, yes …” he said in a low voice. “But you’re not alone all the time, are you?” Albert’s voice was gentle, almost careful. Arthur wondered if he really wanted to know the truth or if he wanted to find out if he should start distrusting his travel companion.
Arthur took a drag from his cigarette, contemplating his answer for a moment. There weren’t many groups of people living outside, always traveling around. He was sure that Albert knew this as well as any other … and it was pretty obvious that Arthur was no circus clown, even if he felt like it sometimes. 
“No, I’m not,” he answered eventually, his voice low as well. “It can be a hard life and we’re always .. moving ‘round. But I’ve got my folk and they’ve got me.” 
There was a little smile on Albert’s face as he looked at Arthur. “And I’m glad that’s the case. Life must be awfully lonely with nobody around when you’re living on your own. Especially out in the wild. So … I’m happy to hear that I always meet you on your own because you chose to and not because you got nobody else.”
Arthur had not expected Albert to be worried about something like that of all things he could be worried about. “You really ain’t got no reason to be worried ‘bout me, Mr. Mason,” he told him with a short smile. “I’m fine. Just needing some peace and quiet from time to time.”
“And then you choose to travel with a blabbermouth like me?” Albert laughed and Arthur joined in. Albert really wasn't good at keeping quiet but he had never minded that. If all he enjoyed the things that Albert talked about and how joyful his perspective on life was. 
“Well, I tend to be a fool, you should know that by now,” he said with a grin and Albert shook his head. 
“So am I, Mr. Morgan. So am I.”
They both got hungry because of the tasty smell of the fish so Arthur cut up some slices of bread that they dunked in oil and ate with some of the oregano leaves that they could easily pick from the plants growing nearby. They added the succulent fish meat as it was done cooking, both of them enjoying the texture and the warmth in their bellies. 
With each evening, Arthur had enjoyed Albert’s company even more and it didn’t even feel awkward anymore to get into a tent with him. They slept side by side on their bed rolls and when Arthur woke up during the middle of the night because Albert had put his arm around him in his sleep he found that he didn’t even mind that. It was nice in fact to have a warm body right next to him and he dozed off again with a smile on his face. 
“Mr. Morgan! Mr. Morgan, wake up!”
Arthur felt someone gently shaking his shoulder and he opened up his eyes, blinking in the process at the early sunlight that was hitting his face. 
“There are some bear cubs!” Albert exclaimed with a shouted whisper. Arthur was awake instantly, knowing very well that cubs would always be close to a very protective mama bear. 
He got up and out of the tent to see what was happening. Roughly 70 feet away from them were actually two bear cubs playing in the water at the shore and trying to catch fish. He put on his hat and watched them warily, searching for their mother. 
Albert, on the other hand, set up his camera quicker than Arthur had ever seen him do it before to start to take some pictures of them. The clicking of the camera made the cubs look over to them and Albert mumbled something in excitement that Arthur did not understand in the slightest. 
Suddenly there was a growl behind them, Arthur turned around and saw the mother of the cubs, standing on her hind legs and glaring at them angrily. “Shit…” he said and grabbed the revolver in his holster. 
“No, don’t shoot her please!” he heard Albert plead behind him. 
“Well what ELSE would you suggest?!” Arthur hissed back to him as the mother dropped down on all fours again and started approaching them. At least she wasn’t in full attack mode yet. 
“Maybe we can … distract her, somehow?!”, Albert suggested and Arthur remembered the fish guts that were still in his satchel.
He moved slowly, not to piss her off in any way, and took the smelling bundle out of his bag. He threw it over to her, right in front of her big paws and she started sniffing it with interest. 
“‘Right, now or never …,” Arthur said and dragged Albert behind him. The photographer was clutching his camera as they slowly moved away from the camp, the bear now munching on the innards of the fish. They reached their horses and unhitched them, both Thunder and Daisy running away on their own, smart enough to know that they were in danger. “They’ll find their way back later,” Arthur assured Albert as he tried to grab Daisy’s lead. 
They moved further into the bushes, now watching the mother and her cubs on the shore from a safe distance. For once, Albert wasn’t talking and Arthur suspected that he knew very well how important it was now not to attract the bears anymore. The mother started rummaging through the things that they had left, ripping the tent and chewing up the last bit of fish bones that were left of their dinner. Eventually she decided that it was time to move on and so she did, followed up by the cubs.
Arthur took a deep breath and lit himself a cigarette to calm his nerves, offering Albert one as well who gladly took it. “Well, that was close. Hope the pictures will be worth it.” 
“Oh, I’m sure they will be. Playing cubs was so much more than I expected! Thank you again for joining me. Someday I really ought to pay you for always having my back!”
Arthur shook his head. “Ain’t no need for that, Mr. Mason. Your company is reward enough for me,” he assured him and it almost looked like Albert was blushing. 
“Well, if you say so …” he cleared his throat. “I really enjoyed traveling with you. Maybe you should really join me some time … venturing out west.”
Arthur looked back at Albert and thought about it again. He had his responsibilities. People who needed him. Who relied on him being there. But they’ve managed without him before, for a few weeks. Who said that they wouldn’t manage again? Who said that he had to spend all his life running with a gang of outlaws if he also could spend it with Albert? He found himself smiling at Albert. 
“I think you might be right, Mr. Mason.” “You know, you can call me Albert…”
He smiled again, knowing that this would only be the beginning of their friendship full of new adventures. “Albert. I’d love to join you out west.” 
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