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oikawaplssteponme · 3 years

Text

The Apartment: part 5

▪️for parts 1-4, click here

pairing: Kuroo Tetsurou x fem! reader

rating/warnings: swearing, angst (?)

synopsis: You knew that living with your three best friends, Kuroo, Oikawa, and Bokuto, would be a wild ride. It’s never a dull moment with those three. Let’s just hope you can keep your huge crush on Kuroo a secret when he is only a room away.

a/n: hi friends✨i hope you all are doing well:)) just a friendly reminder to eat something today and stay hydrated 💕 as always, my inbox is open for anything and everything so feel free to reach out:) and the taglist for this fic is still open if you’d like to join✨ okay, enjoy xx

•

Five: best friends

“Okay do you have all your bags?” You asked. Bokuto nodded, holding a backpack and small suitcase.

“Yes Y/N.”

“And your phone? And your pillow, because I know you hate hotel ones. And-“

“Y/N calm down you’re going into ’mom mode’,” said Kuroo. You rolled your eyes.

“I just wanna make sure he has a good trip.”

“Akaashi will take care of him, don't worry,” smiled Kuroo.

“Do you not want me to have a good trip?” pouted Oikawa. You put your arm around him and smiled.

“Oikawa, I wouldn’t mind if you didn’t come back.” You joked.

“I fucking hate you,” he growled, pushing you away. You laughed and ruffled his hair.

“I love you both okay, now get out of here, Iwa and Akaashi are probably already outside,” you smiled. The four of you gathered for a group hug. Oikawa was off to his mini getaway with Iwa and Bokuto was joining Akaashi for his writers conference. The apartment would be just you and Kuroo.

“Hey, Y/N,” called Bokuto. He pulled you aside and whispered something in your ear.

“Remember what I told you.”

You sighed, remembering well what Bokuto had told you those days ago. You nodded.

“Farewell my lovely apartment! You two better not burn the place down while I’m gone,” said Oikawa.

“No promises,” smiled Kuroo. He pushed Oikawa out the door as Bokuto followed.

“Bye you two, we love you!” You cheered. Kuroo shut the door behind Oikawa and Bokuto, leaving you alone with him.

“You act like they’re never coming back,” laughed Kuroo.

“Not my fault I’ll miss them. I don’t remember the last time I went more than a week without them,” you explained. Kuroo nodded.

“Wanna grab some food after class?” Asked Kuroo. Your face felt warm.

“Uh yeah that sounds good.” You and Kuroo both had a lecture together today for your marketing course.

“Just give me 10 minutes and we can head to class,” you said. Kuroo nodded. You went inside your room and saw that Oikawa had left something on your bed. You picked it up and it read: “I suggest you use this before it expires”. You turned the card over, and saw that it was a coupon for 10% off a purchase at Party City. You groaned and threw the card away.

“Dickhead,” you mumbled.

“Who, me?” said Kuroo. You jumped.

“Kuroo oh my god you have to stop sneaking up on me like that,” you ordered. Kuroo laughed and sat down on your bed.

“Hurry up I don’t wanna be late.” You sighed and grabbed your jacket and shoes from your closet and slipped them on.

“Fine then let’s go.”

You and Kuroo walked a couple blocks to campus. Your lecture hall wasn’t too far away.

“A 3 hour lecture never gets easier,” you sighed. Kuroo patted your shoulder.

“Come on Y/N, don’t you just love getting all that knowledge thrown at you.” You rolled your eyes.

“Marketing is boring, even a nerd like you could agree,” you joked.

“Okay fair,” smiled Kuroo. The two of you reached the lecture hall and took a seat next to each other.

“Hi Kuroo! Mind if I sit here?” a voice said. You turned to see a girl standing next to Kuroo.

“Oh Calie, hi, yeah sure,” said Kuroo. The girl joyfully sat down next to Kuroo, causing you to clench your fists.

“Uh Calie, this is my friend Y/N, Y/N this is Calie, we have organic chemistry together,” explained Kuroo. The girl flashed you a dazzling smile. Great, she's pretty and smart. You shook her hand firmly.

“Wait aren’t you guys roommates too? That must be so fun living with someone like Kuroo,” giggled Calie. You gave her a sarcastic smile. I already hate this bitch.

“Yeah we’ve been friends forever so I definitely get my fair share of Kuroo.”

“Well you’re probably so sick of him, mind if I borrow him after the lecture?” She asked. Calie wrapped her hand around Kuroo’s bicep. You had to stop yourself from beating the shit out of her.

“Well actually-“ you began.

“Sure that sounds fun. You don’t mind right, Y/N?” said Kuroo. Is he being serious right now?

“So I’m supposed to grab dinner by myself?” You whispered, without thinking. Kuroo’s eyes widened. Calie gasped.

“You can come with us! I’d hate to leave you all alone,” She smiled.

“Yeah come with us,” said Kuroo.

“No no it’s fine, you two have fun. I’d rather be alone anyway,” you muttered. Before Kuroo could reply, your professor had walked in and began his lecture.

Your lecture felt longer than normal. Probably because all you could focus on was Calie’s giggles as she whispered with Kuroo throughout the whole 3 hours. Kuroo was always good with the ladies. His confident nature caused girls to be drawn towards him. Yes, you liked him too but you liked all of him, not just the surface level of Kuroo.

You tried to contain your annoyance with Calie and Kuroo. It was obvious she was flirting with him.

“See you next week,” said your professor as he wrapped up his lecture. You got up from your seat and began packing up your things. You didn’t look at Kuroo and headed right out the door.

You began walking back to your apartment when you heard Kuroo call after you.

“Wait Y/N-chan!” You turned around to face him.

“Are you sure you don’t want to hang with me and Calie? She’s really nice once you get to know her,” he said. You almost rolled your eyes.

“No it’s fine. I promised I’d FaceTime Oikawa now anyway,” you lied. Kuroo raised an eyebrow.

“Well if you say so. I’ll grab dinner with you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah sure. Make sure you have your key to the apartment or else I’m locking you out,” you said. Kuroo laughed and nodded.

“Bye Y/N!” cheered Calie. You gave her a wave and watched as Kuroo ran back towards her.

You walked back to your apartment, upset. Kuroo had every right to hang out with other girls but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. It was just another reminder that Kuroo might not share the same feelings as you.

The apartment felt weird being so empty. All dark and quiet. You threw your keys on the counter and plopped onto the couch. You checked your phone and saw a plethora of texts from Oikawa.

i've been in the car FOREVER -sent 5:35pm

my legs are cramping -sent 5:40pm

do you think if i asked Iwa to stop for a bathroom break he would be mad? -sent 5:41pm

bc we just stopped 30 minutes ago and i said i didn’t need to go -sent 5:43pm

but now i do -sent 5:47pm

update: he stopped for me🤩 -sent 6:01pm

y/n answer me -sent 6:37pm

im bored -sent 6:38pm

you better be buying that maid costume -sent 6:40pm

that coupon expires soon -sent 6:41pm

btw bokuto forgot his pillow but he told me not to tell you -sent 6:52pm

oops -sent 6:52pm

wyd -sent 7:03pm

You laughed at your phone. Good to see you weren’t the only one missing your friends.

well im currently sitting alone in the apartment as kuroo ditched me for some girl -sent 7:15pm

HE DID WHAT -sent 7:18pm

maybe im being dramatic but he’s kinda on a date with some girl from his organic chemistry class -sent 7:19pm

i bet she’s ugly -sent 7:19pm

no she’s gorgeous -sent 7:20pm

fuck

well

im gonna beat his ass

how dare he -sent 7:20pm

it’s fine

maybe it’s better im alone rn anyway

gives me time to get over him -sent 7:21pm

come on hun

don’t say that

don’t give up -sent 7:25pm

idk toru

i feel like it’s never gonna happen

especially when he could have someone like her -sent 7:27pm

bokuto said it best: kuroo would be stupid not to like you -sent 7:28pm

i guess he’s stupid then -sent 7:30pm

:(((

okay Iwa and I got to our hotel but I’ll talk to you later okay love? -sent 7:33pm

okay

bye shittykawa -sent 7:34pm

why do you hurt me? -sent 7:35

You set your phone down and checked in the kitchen for anything worth eating. You weren’t in the mood to go out anymore.

Rice. We have rice. Well, rice it is.

You took out the rice cooker and began to prepare your sad dinner.

Why didn’t I just go with them?

As the rice cooked, you sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. You put on ‘Gilmore Girls’, wishing your friends were there to watch it with you.

It was late. Close to 11pm. Kuroo still wasn’t home. You laid on the couch, basking in your loneliness. A little dramatic yes but you hated being without your friends. It was a weird concept that they had friends beside you.

You heard keys jingle outside the door and you felt a wave of comfort come over you, knowing it had to be Kuroo. You got up from the couch and peaked at the door.

“I was starting to wonder what happened to you…” your voice trailed off when you saw that Kuroo wasn’t alone.

“Hey Y/N! Oh my gosh your apartment is so cute!” said Calie. Your jaw dropped and you looked over at Kuroo.

Your expression had to be screaming: “are you fucking kidding me right now!?”

“Oh uh thanks,” you muttered.

“Is it cool if Calie stays for a bit? Her roommates are having people over and she doesn’t know them too well,” explained Kuroo. Hmm I wonder what that’s like.

“You don’t have to ask me, it’s your apartment too,” you said plainly. Kuroo raised a brow.

“Just checking…”

Calie walked around your small apartment, admiring all the decorations that you had up.

“Aw isn’t this the cutest photo!” She said. She picked up a picture of you and Kuroo. It was when you had gotten dressed up together to take graduation pictures. Your smile was the brightest it’s ever been. Holding your diploma as Kuroo wrapped his arm around you. In the background of the photo you could see a faint image of Oikawa and Bokuto.

“Yeah I love that picture,” Kuroo smiled. Kuroo took the photo from Calie’s hand and looked at it.

“Best friends, right?” He looked at you. Your heart sank.

“Yup, best friends,” you whispered with a dull smile. Kuroo smiled and showed Calie to his room. You tried not to react. You walked over to your room, locked the door, and curled up onto your bed.

Is best friends all we are ever gonna be?

•

[taglist OPEN: @vangoghpoets @vangoghmusings @lilnuances @tetsoleil @cloudswritings @foxyyychan @tamaguchi @jessie9008 @bitandbytes @yeehawnana @166cm @bigchaosenergy @tumbledor3 @captain-janeway @answer-the-sirens @simpletype @ysatrap @stinkybitch1919 @bokutory ]

#willow.🌸#haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #hq #kuroo tetsuro x you #hq kuroo #kuroo x you #kuroo tetsurō #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo x y/n #kuroo x reader #bokuto #oikawa tōru #the apartment.🌸

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androgynouswordsmyth · 4 years

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Hiiii would love to see how you think Suga, Kageyama, and Tsukkishima would treat a writer s/o that forgets to take care of herself sometimes. Your blog looks really interesting thanks for having me!

Summary: Suga, Kageyama and Tsukishima’s reactions to having a writer s/o who has a hard time taking care of herself.

Content Warning: FLUFF ALERT, themes of mental health, fem! reader.

Note: Thank you so much for your request! I hope you enjoy my take on these precious babies <3 I also struggle with mental health and performing basic human needs, so this hit close to home for me. Enjoy!

･ﾟ✧ Suga ･ﾟ✧

Loves that you’re passionate about writing and thinks you are so talented at what you do. Proud boyfriend alert. “Yeah, my girlfriend writes.” Is not much of a bragger but when it comes up he absolutely brags about your skills and what you do.

He doesn’t quite get it, but he tries to put it in perspective. Just like how volleyball is a passion of his, writing is yours. Will never ask you to look over his papers because he doesn’t want to take advantage of your skills or kindness. But won’t argue with you when you insist on doing it anyway.

Will always take you out to eat when he realizes you haven’t eaten that day. Will sit across from you and watch you enjoy your meal with a small content smile on his face. He’ll enjoy his meal too but he gets satisfaction from taking care of you.

“Y/n, give me your phone,” he reaches across the table. You obediently give him your phone while stuffing your face with more food. You don’t find out until after you get home that night that he set reminders on your phone to drink water and eat meals.

If he feels like he needs to step in and help you he would rather ask for forgiveness than permission. He just wants to make sure you’re taken care of and spoiled like you deserve.

Praises you like no one’s business. Will always encourage you to reach for the stars when it comes to your goals. But is also that nagging boyfriend that will remind you to take breaks while reaching for your dreams.

On your bad days where you don’t have enough energy to get out of bed, this boy comes over and takes care of you. He will carry you to the bathroom, comb and wash your hair. Will help clean your room so you can at least write and rest in a clean environment. I’m talking about gathering your dirty clothes off the floor to do loads of laundry. Blushes horribly when he sees a pair of your underwear for the first time.

Will wash your dishes, dust the surfaces of your bedroom. Makes your bed for you. Pleads with you to go to bed at a decent hour, he knows how you are. “I know you’re wrapped up in your writing,” he tells you, looking over your shoulder as you’re typing away at your computer. He places a large palm on the top of your head and tussles your hair. “But you need to take breaks.”

“I know,” you sigh at his reminders, knowing it is for your own good deep down.

･ﾟ✧ Kageyama ･ﾟ✧

Does not understand your passion for writing but respects your skill and will ask you for help on his writing homework always. Will not admit it immediately but he loves that little sparkle in your eye and the excitement in your voice when you talk about a writing project you’re really into.

Seeing you happy makes him happy. Otherwise, he is a big clueless baby that eats, sleeps and breathes volleyball. That being said, is pretty oblivious about most things. Including when you’re having a hard time taking care of yourself. However, it only takes one instance for him to realize you’re being uncharacteristically tired and grumpy with him.

He’s the grumpy one in this relationship so he realizes immediately that something is amiss. Confronts you about it after practice with his usual scowl. “What’s with you?” He questions sharply, raising an eyebrow at you. “You’re not acting like yourself.”

You laugh nervously and rub the back of your head, even though he is your boyfriend, that sharp look in his eyes still unnerves you to an extent. “Oh I’ve just been distracted today… I also haven’t been eating or drinking much water..” you blink and notice Kageyama’s intimidating aura only heightens at this news.

“What?” he asks you with a slight growl and you’re not quite sure where this anger in his voice is coming from. You’re afraid it’s directed at you. But no, Kageyama’s frustration is all-encompassing and turns into a spiral of guilt aimed right at himself. How could he have not noticed you weren’t taking care of yourself? “How long has this been going on?” he asks bluntly.

“I-I don’t know Tobio..” you utter softly. You explain to him that this is something you struggle with. You have your good days and your bad days. He tosses you his full water bottle, which you catch, fumbling with it a little in your hands. “Drink.” Grabs your wrist and starts dragging you into town. Takes you out to eat right then and there. Does not tell you the deep-seated shame he feels at being so inattentive.

Afterward, Kageyama’s priorities shift. Starts packing an extra lunch to bring to school just for you. He doesn’t trust that you’ll remember to eat. “Don’t stay up all night writing again,” he scolds you.

On your really bad days will invite you over to his place. His room is immaculate and much cleaner than yours. You two sit on his bed together, you’re nestled between his legs, resting against his chest. Your typing away on your laptop and Kageyama will just watch you, marveling at your creative process.

While you’re there he insists on feeding you. Is relentlessly pushy about it, especially when you utter feebly, “But I’m not hungry.”

“I don’t care,” he’ll growl in response. Seems harsh but really it comes from a place of worry and care.

･ﾟ✧ Tsukkishima ･ﾟ✧

Is proud of your writing skills and your passion for it. Will often say things to make you blush or flustered. “Look at you, writing another bestseller?” While leaning close over your shoulder to read your work. “Kei, don’t look!” You cover the computer monitor with your hands. “I haven’t edited it yet!” Your reactions amuse him and it’s pretty clear he gets a kick out of teasing you and hyping you up.

“Careful, she’s a writer, she’ll remember that,” he often tells folks who underestimate your skills. No one is going to gloss over you or your talent, not if he has anything to say about it. He enjoys the look of worry and feelings of trepidation that follow after saying something like that. You will scold him softly because you are not nearly as menacing as your boyfriend. “Kei, don’t say things like that, it’s mean.”

“Just a fair warning,” he says nonchalantly, that handsome smug smirk on his face as he says it. Not that he needs it, but will let you read over his homework for editing purposes. You have a way with words that he does not and he finds that incredibly alluring.

Is incredibly perceptive so of course, he recognizes right away, when you start having a hard time taking care of yourself. Is confused by it at first, because why do you have such a hard time fulfilling those basic human needs? “You dummy,” he will scold you, playfully. “You haven’t eaten today, have you?” He asks while resting a hand on your head, giving it a little shake. “You would forget something so basic, wouldn’t you?” Blushes as he places a lunch in front of you on your desk.

“Aww, Kei, is this for me?” You ask with a small smirk. He’ll roll his eyes in response. “Don’t get used to it,” he’ll mumble under his breath. Is actually the doting boyfriend type, whether he likes to admit it or not, which he does not. Whenever you’re together he hands you his water bottle, because he knows how bad you are at staying hydrated. “Can’t be helped, you get so distracted,” he’ll say when you poke his side, teasing him that he cares for you.

He cares about you so much but doesn’t say it as often as he wants to. Baby has self-esteem issues and honestly believes he doesn’t deserve someone as incredible as you.

On your really bad days, he forces you to get out of bed. Is the type to barge into your room and open the curtains to let sunlight in. “Come on, little vampire,” he’ll tease you with a smirk. “When was the last time you left your room?” He ignores your whines of protest and will drag your ass out of bed. If he sees you’re having a really hard time he’ll climb into bed with you and stroke your hair. Everything he does for you has your best interests at heart.

#sugawara x reader #kageyama x reader #tsukishima x reader #haikyuu requests #haikyuu fluff

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ravenforce · 4 years

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Ithaca Pt. 5

Word Count: 6078

Warning/s: Implied smut. Angst somewhere. Steve and Val’s still kind of a bitch.

A/N: I wrote my head off for this part. Fitting word count before we transition to the Oceans 8 arc, don’t you think? God, I hope you like this part. Please, comment your reactions. I really love reading from you guys!

PS. If there are any grammatical mistakes I’ve still overlooked, I apologize.

PSS. Since you’re already reading this part. Please, be careful out there. Protect yourself from NCOV. Wear a mask if you’re going outside. Wash your hand regularly, and bring alcohol everywhere you go. Take your vitamins C seriously, and stay hydrated. If you feel flu like symptoms, get yourself checked by experts. Don’t self-medicate. The world is a better place because you’re here. Stay with me. xx

Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

Manhattan: 1 |

***

Waking up with hangovers has never been your problem ever since you started drinking when you were sixteen. No matter how much you drink, and how drunk you get, you never wake up with a hangover. Mostly, you just wake up exhausted, that’s it; today’s not an exemption. You cracked an eye open and by the cast of beautiful orange around your white walls, streaming from your window blinds, you knew that you slept the whole day away.

You and Maria left the Starks around 6:00 AM. The streets were still almost empty in the sleepy Saturday morning, so you arrived at your apartment after twenty minutes. Maria was already shedding her jacket even before you both could enter the apartment.

“Ugh! I’m so tired,” Maria groaned as she continues to shed the rest of her outfit, leaving a trail of clothes on the floor.

You made sure the deadbolt on the door was locked before heading to your room as well. You had to chuckle at the mess your best friend made before picking everything up. Maria’s never a slob but when she’s drunk, she cares very little where she shed her clothing. Your eyebrow shot to your hairline when the trail stopped in front of your door.

“Uhm. Bubba this isn’t your room,” you said softly while leaning on your doorway.

Maria grunted before hauling her upper body using her elbow. “Shush! Clothes off, and come to bed, now,” she demanded before leaning back down.

“Yes ma’am,” you whispered more to yourself before folding Maria’s clothes and leaving it on a neat pile on your chair.

“Hurry up,” Maria whined, prompting you to kick at your jeans and stripping as fast as you could in your exhausted state.

You crawled in your own bed cautiously. Maria was scooting over you, seeking your body warmth even before you could properly settle down. She reached back at you and made you wrap your arms around her.

“Night Y/N. Love you,” she muttered half asleep.

In the course of your sleep, Maria ended up facing you instead of being the little spoon. You can’t help but smile at the sight of her sleeping face and her holding your hand. You thought Maria’s breathtaking every day but at that moment, as her sleeping serene face is bathed with the golden orange of the setting sun, you thought she’s ethereal. Your smile dipped a little when you remembered.

“I can hear you thinking, Y/N,” she whispered, voice rough and eyes still close.

You chuckled. “Sorry,” you said gravely.

Maria slowly opened her eyes at your tone. You stared at each other for a minute or two before she tried to lean in and kiss you but you playfully shoved her back on the bed.

“Morning breathes, silly,” you teased before rolling on your side and walking out and in the bathroom.

Maria groaned.

***

“You’re such a tease,” Maria said after following you in the bathroom with her toothbrush in hand.

You looked back at your best friend through the mirror and threw her a smirk. You grinned in front of the mirror to check your teeth before taking one last wash off your mouth.

“Hurry up, bubba. I need to shower,” you complained lightly. Maria rolled her eyes at you before rinsing her mouth too.

You tried not to smile too wide as you watch her thoroughly check her pearly whites. She turned towards you.

“Now,” she started, voice an octave lower. “Can I get my kiss?”

You know she’s teasing by the small smile on her face. You rolled your eyes before relenting and quickly smacking your lips together for two seconds. Before she could complain though, you decided to splash her with water. Maria’s eyes grew like saucers, and you laughed out loud as she looks at you with her mouth hanging open.

“You’ll regret that,” she warned after getting over her initial shock.

You didn’t even move to stop her when she reached for the sink and splashed you back. You kicked the bathroom door closed to prevent the water from spilling into the hallway. For a few minutes, the small bathroom was filled with nothing but the sound of splashing water, and laughter. It only ceased when Maria pinned you against her body and the wet sink. You had to fight the urge to shiver and moan at the feeling of the cold hard granite on the small of your back, and her wet warm body on your front.

“Maria,” you whispered, trying your hardest to make it sound like a warning while watching her eyes intently.

When your gaze dropped to her lips, she didn’t give herself time to think too much before crushing your lips together. Besides, it’s not the first time she’s kissing you. Yet you couldn’t help the moan that escaped you. This isn’t like the kisses she gives you every day before she goes to school when she has a class earlier than yours, it isn’t like the kisses she gives you when you're not feeling well or the kisses she gives before she goes to bed. No, this is the kind of kiss that ignites a fire in your belly, which results in a flood in your underwear.

“Maria,” you started.

You wanted to ask her what the heck you two are doing but Maria’s hands on your ass are totally fucking distracting. When those glorious hands landed on your breasts, gently kneading and squeezing, you threw all your complaints, doubts, rules, and inhibition in the window and just enjoyed the moment. Especially knowing that it’s temporary, that it won’t last. Especially knowing that any moment, you’ll have to wake up.

And it ends, as fast as it started. Maria pulled away after god knows how long you were lip-locked. She smiled that smile that tells you Maria Hill isn’t a good girl as she surveys her handiwork. She reached out to run her thumb on your bottom lip. You can tell she loves you looking so disheveled for her.

“Go shower, and I’ll make breakfast,” she said before leaving you alone in the bathroom.

You threw your head back with a groan. “Now, who’s the tease?”

***

You emerged from the bathroom after a few minutes. Even with the kitchen exhaust on, the whole apartment smells divine with the aroma of freshly made waffles and brewed coffee wafting in the air.

“God, I love you so much,” you said when you flopped down your designated seat on the dining table.

Maria placed your favorite breakfast ensemble in front of you. She stopped dead on the spot when she saw you wearing dark skinny jeans, and your old MIT shirt.

“Going somewhere?” she asked.

You made an ungodly moan at first bite of your waffles. Maria had to sit down and cross her legs at the sound. “Somewhere,” you mumbled after washing down your first bite with coffee.

Maria frowned a little but you ignored it. The two of you ate in comfortable silence, occasionally swapping engaging in small talk, and checking your mobiles for emails and the news.

“What do you think our friends think of the bomb we dropped this morning?” Maria asked while you clear out the dishes.

You creased your brows together. “I don’t know. I don’t think it matters much,” you answered while loading the dishes on the dishwasher.

“Maybe but it certainly matters to Nat and Carol,” Maria said softly, you almost missed it.

You leaned back on the counter and hummed lightly. Maria stood and faced you. “You know they like you right?” she asked crossing her arms in front of her chest. Maria has reached her boiling point on the matter. She’s way too observant to miss the signs, and she knows your not stupid, let alone blind.

“I do.”

There’s no point in lying to her anyway.

“And you like them too,” she continued. It was more of a statement than a question really.

“I do.”

You can see by the minute that your short response is getting in her nerves. You had to fight the urge to even smile for a little.

“Is that all you’re gonna say?” Her frown growing deeper.

“What do you want to say?” you asked back, hands going into the counter to brace yourself.

“I don’t know,” she answered, running her hand through her hair. “What are you gonna do about it?”

You allowed yourself a small smile. “Nothing. I plan to do nothing about it.”

Maria’s full-blown pissed now, if the nostrils flaring and the creased eyebrow is any indication. She’s about to storm out of the dining room but you stopped her by catching her wrist when she tried to circumvent you.

“You’re fucking cute when you’re jealous,” you teased her with a shit-eating grin on your face.

“I’m not jealous.”

“Right, and I’m not your best mate,” you said before tugging her towards you. For someone who’s supposed to be mad, Maria didn’t even put up a fuss when you drew your bodies together. Your hands landing instantly at the small of her back.

You started walking her back to your bedroom. “You know you can’t be jealous, right?”

Maria sighed. You’re right and she knows it. Her breath hitched when you kissed her lightly.

“Y/N,” she moaned when you started kissing down her neck.

You didn’t stop walking until you felt Maria bump into your bed. You sucked on her pulse point before lightly shoving her down on the mattress. Maria landed on it with a soft tad, face extremely flushed and pupils fully dilated.

“I want Carol and Natasha,” you admitted while pulling your shirt over your head.

Maria frowned at your admission. You looked directly in her eyes before popping the bottom of your skin-tight jeans and drawing them down your legs.

“But you know I wanted you first,” you said before the jeans joined your other clothing on the floor. “I always have.”

“I’m sorry,” Maria said sincerely. You know she’s not lying. If you’re being honest, you think Maria never stopped being sorry for it. Not even after all these years.

You smiled softly at her. “I know,” you said before diving in the bed too.

***

Yours and Maria’s phone was vibrating on your nightstand all-day Sunday but you both decided to ignore it for the weekend. Maria took a peek through after breakfast. You were half sitting, half lying on your back on the couch when she informed you that the Avengers are convening for brunch on the farmer’s market. You looked away from the TV where you’re currently scrolling through Netflix for something to binge.

“Do I look like I plan on going out today?” you asked lazily.

Maria laughed before flopping down next to you.

“You look rather comfy,” she said as she typed out a response to Thor’s invitation.

“You can go if you want.”

You continued your mindless scrolling before you decided on X-Files.

Maria looked up when she heard the opening credits. She smiled broadly at your choice, it’s her favorite. She thought if you choose it, it means you didn’t really want her to go. She finished a text to Tony before powering her mobile off.

“Nah, I think I’ll stay. X-Files is my favorite,” she muttered before scooting closer and cuddling you.

“Nah,” you whispered before leaning down and kissing the top of her head. “I think I’m your favoritest.”

***

Meanwhile, at the diner in front of the Sunday Market, the Avengers sat at the outdoor patio.

“Has anyone heard from Maria and Y/N?” Carol asked agitated while sitting next to Wanda.

Natasha, beautiful Natasha in her black Sunday dress and dark sunglasses frowned oh so little. Tony who arrived last sat next to the redhead.

“Nah, they’re not coming,” Tony declared before popping a fry on his mouth. “Maria said something about not being able to walk properly.”

Everyone gaped at the implication. When Tony looked up and saw his friends’ faces, he just laughed out loud. He always has too much fun making them squirm, and uncomfortable.

“Gross!” Val groaned. She put her headphones back on, effectively tuning out everyone else.

“What?” Tony asked with faux innocence. His grin gave him away though. “Seriously though, they’re not coming. Not even heaven and hell can get in-between those two if they want to be together.”

“They’re that close, huh?” Natasha asked. Trying to mask her intrigue with her carefully constructed poker face.

“Yeah, they’ve known each other since they’re eight, I think,” Tony mused before he got distracted and started fiddling with the smartwatch he was trying to configure.

“If they’re so in love, why aren’t they together?” Steve said with a roll of his eyes. He stood up not long after; he’s clearly not interested in gossiping about you or your love life. When Val saw him leave, she quickly followed.

“Steve has a point?” Carol mused, knitting her perfect eyebrows together.

Thor who was quietly eating and watching people stream in and out of the market suddenly spoke. “There’s definitely a reason why. And if we know, it’s not our story to tell,” he said without looking anywhere but the crowd.

Tony grunted his agreement. “You should get to know her. Maybe, she’ll tell you,” he said before going back to his experiment.

Carol and Natasha looked at each other. Even with Nat’s dark sunglasses up, Carol knew they’re looking straight at each other. And most definitely hatching the same plan; thanks to Tony’s harmless advice.

***

As much as you wanted to prolong the weekend, Mondays are inevitable. To make it worse, you woke up in your bed with the sun beating down your face, and without Maria on your side. She has an early morning class, whereas yours starts after lunch. You looked at your alarm clock, it reads 11:30 AM. You decided to muffle a scream in your pillow before rolling out of bed.

You can hear your phone notifications going off like crazy but you ignored it. You’re not going to be made to rush your morning routine, just to be able to make it to lunch with your friends. You decided a few hours alone time could be a good thing for you too, to decompress and leave the weekend where it should be. After your shower, you decided to wear black dress pants, an MCR shirt, and a black suit jacket.

You had roughly an hour before class. So you decided to have lunch at the local cafe library three blocks away from campus. Even on a rush hour, the place is nearly deserted as the owner keeps the SILENCE ordinance strictly in place. Rowdy teenagers hate places where they can’t yell out their stories even though the person they’re talking to is right in front of their faces. Which made the library cafe the perfect sanctuary for you.

Alas, 1:00 rolled around and you were still two floors below your designated classroom. Thanks to the principal who asked you to carry some of her reports to her office, you’re going to be late on your first literature class this semester. Ten minutes after, you finally arrived at your lecture, panting and sweating through your jacket, in front of your classmates.

“ты опоздал,” (You’re late) your teacher said sternly. He looks intimidating in his stocky, bearded look but you refuse to be scared by his stature.

You stood up straight but before you can address the man, a voice you’ve grown to know well spoke all the way from the back of the class. “Сэр, она здесь новенькая,” (Sir, she’s new here) Natasha spoke confidently.

The teacher didn’t even take his eyes off you. “Это ничего не оправдывает” (It doesn’t excuse anything).

Before Natasha can think to defend you again, you cleared your throat before speaking up for yourself. “Извините, профессор Шостаков. Это больше не повторится,” (I'm sorry Professor Shostakov. It won't happen again), you said in perfect Russian.

“Ах! Она разговаривает. Зовите меня Алекси,” (Ah! She speaks. Call me Alexi) you professor said with a hint of a small on his bearded face. You smiled back politely. Had you been looking around, everyone including Natasha looked surprised you speak the language extremely well.

“Вы хорошо говорите на русском,” (You speak Russian well but you don't look like one), the professor assessed.

“Определенно не русский, но ездил туда пару раз на технические соглашения.” (Definitely not Russian but traveled there a couple of times for tech conventions.)

Professor Alexi stared at you for a minute before he put your identity together. “Heads up, Natasha. You’ve got competition. Sit down Miss Y/L/N,” he waved you away smiling before turning back to the class and continuing his lecture introduction.

Natasha waved at you to sit next to her. You shook your head when you reached her. “I’m totally not competing with you,” you whispered for only Natasha to hear.

“Why not? That should be fun,” she whispered back.

You had to lean back to look at her face to gauge if she’s being serious. You can see her biting her lip to prevent herself from smiling. “Are you sure about that? I don’t think you’ll like losing.”

She just had to crack a smile at that. You turned your attention back to the professor who just pulled out a book from inside his briefcase. The class let out a collective groan but not you, if you’re correct in your assumption as to what’s to come next, you’re excited.

“Alright. Settle down, children,” Alexi’s voice boomed around the whole room. “This semester, I’m assigning Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina as your reading.”

The announcement garnered another wave of disapproval. Natasha raised her hand.

“Yes, Natasha?”

“What’s the catch, Professor?” she asked. Alexi smiled at the young redhead.

The bell rang. Before children can think to run out of class, the professor answered. “It’ll be in Russian text but I’m not unreasonable…” he was cut short by the class disagreeing with that statement too. “As I was saying, I’m not unreasonable. So you’ll be reviewing this book with a partner. Free-range.”

The class quickly turned towards their friends and partnered up before leaving the classroom. You and Nat were the last to leave.

“So, no one asked me to be their partner,” Natasha said almost sheepishly.

“I think they know that you’re mine.”

Natasha was sure her face is as red as a tomato. When you look at her, you smiled confirmed it but you decided to say nothing about it. Instead, you reached out and held Nat’s hand before pulling her to walk with you.

Natasha was not averse per se to public displays of affection but she’s never dated anyone before who deliberately held her hand in public, except for one. When you noticed Natasha’s silence, you glanced over your shoulder to look at her. You stop on your tracks and turned to her.

“Tasha,” you said. Only one person calls her that too. “What’s wrong?”

She looked at you before her gaze involuntarily dropped towards your conjoined hands. You quickly let her hand drop. Natasha frowned just as fast.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” you apologized sincerely. “I just didn’t wanna lose you in the crowd.”

That was a lame-ass excuse. Especially since there’s no crowd but you know there was really no logical explanation as to why you suddenly wanted to be physically connected to her; except that you want to. Before you blow a fuss overthinking though, you felt Natasha’s reaching for you and practically dragging you by the hand to steer you towards your next class.

“It’s okay, I just got caught off-guard,” she said before bumping your shoulders together. Both of you started giggling.

***

Natasha didn’t have another class after Russian Lit. So she walked you to the science labs for your chemistry with Mr. Banner. The labs are built as a stand-alone structure near the pond and away from the main building. The two of you spent the walk exchanging stories about anything except Anna Karenina.

“This is you,” Nat said when you arrived at the door of the labs.

You smiled at her. Something about Natasha just makes you feel grounded, and you like it. By the way, Natasha smiles at you often, and the way she goes out of her way to make you feel included and safe, you know that the feeling is mutual. You’re still cautious though. You’re playing on fire, and you know someone can get hurt if you’re not careful.

Before you can let go of Nat, someone rudely cleared their throat behind the redhead. When you glanced past her shoulder, you’re met by blazing hazel eyes. Carol is gripping the side of her backpack tightly, her knuckles are visibly turning white. Nat turned and saw Carol but didn’t make a move to let go of you.

“Carol,” she greeted. Smile too broad to be taken as friendly.

Carol gritted her teeth. “Tasha.”

If anyone has a plastic spoon on their hand right then and there, you were pretty sure they could cut the tension using it. You didn’t know exactly what to say or do, you’re entranced by the intensity of the two women in front of you. Thankfully, you were saved when Bruce suddenly opened the door. He was rather perplexed with the three of you standing idly on the spot.

“What are you three still doing here? The class’s about to start,” he said. “I’m just gonna make a quick phone call. Get inside.”

“Alright. I got to go. See you later?” Natasha said after Bruce walked past the three of you.

You smiled and nodded at her. Carol frowned deeper when Nat just walked around her without saying goodbye. You watched Carol take deep, calming breathes with her eyes closed.

“You okay, Car?”

Carol released one last heavy sigh before looking into your eyes. Her smile didn’t reach her eyes.

“Yeah,” she answered before opening the door for you. “It’s nothing.”

***

It wasn’t nothing.

When you sat next to each other at the back of the lab, Carol barely talked to you. You tried engaging her before class started but by either the lack of or short responses from the blonde, you figured seeing Nat holding someone else’s hand before classes really did a number on her. So you let it go, and decided to focus on the lecture and the assigned worksheet for the day. When class was over, Bruce asked you and Carol to stay behind.

Carol looked nervous. You stood in front of her to stop her from glaring at Bruce and getting in more trouble than she might already be. It effectively made her look you in the eye.

“I’m sure everything’s okay,” you tried to assure her. Your hand going on both her shoulders. And just like that, all the tension on the blonde’s body evaporated, along with it is her shitty mood towards you.

“I don’t know,” she murmured. “Remember the test we had to take before we took a break? I think I flanked it.”

You remember. You also remembered Carol looking rather disheveled more that day too.

“Miss Danvers, I think you know why I called you here,” Bruce cut in. When Carol just frowned and bowed her head, Bruce continued. “You can’t flank any class, Miss Danvers. Your sports scholarship is on the line.”

“I know,” Carol answered. Her usual confident, happy personality gone at the moment. “I was just distracted.”

“I can tutor her,” you suggested.

Carol looked at you with wide eyes. Bruce smiled. “That’s exactly why I asked you to stay, actually.”

“No! No, no. You can’t ask her to do that,” Carol came to her senses and disagreed.

“Technically, he didn’t ask me. I volunteered,” you answered cheekily.

“But you’re busy too.”

“Not for you, I’m not,” you said sincerely and without hesitation.

Carol couldn’t argue after that. Bruce watched the interaction with a smile. “That’s settled then. Now, leave my lab.”

Without another thought, you reached for Carol’s hands too without thinking too much; just like how you did with Natasha.

“Are you sure you’re good to help me?”

You glanced over your shoulder. “Duh. Besides, now I don’t have to make an excuse to spend time with you.”

Carol blushed at that.

***

You’ve been having study sessions with Nat and Carol for a month and a half now. As much as possible you try to study with the two separately, as studying together can be a little stressful. Especially when Natasha and Carol can’t stop teasing each other until one of them gets seriously pissed. Knowing each other too well for too long, made pushing each other’s buttons pretty easy.

Natasha gets pretty riled up every time Carol gets handsy with you. You didn’t mind, to be honest. You liked being in Carol’s personal space because it feels warm and safe. Being around Carol makes you feel protected; a feeling so scarce in your childhood, you almost forgot what it feels like. It doesn’t help your cause that Carol’s the type of woman who doesn’t take herself very seriously, and laughs at her own jokes; you love that about her. When Carol laughs your heart skips a beat or two, no matter how much you try to deny and compartmentalize it.

Carol, on the other hand, gets pissed when you and Natasha discuss the book in Russian; completely alienating the blonde from the conversation. You couldn’t help it though, Natasha is a whole new level of experience. Being around Natasha is playing solving your favorite puzzle. You knew Natasha’s smart through stories you’ve heard from your friends but interacting with Natasha every day, and studying together allowed you to delve into the beauty of her brain. You just love being able to pick her brains every day.

You knew you like them from the get-go. You even confessed to Maria about it but only after you started studying with those two that you figured it’s growing to be more than just a schoolgirl crush. And by then, it was too late to hit the brakes. You’ve flown too close to the sun, and now your falling.

Just thinking about it is making you cringe for so many reasons.

First, you don’t do feelings. You haven’t in a long time. You haven’t since Maria was adopted. A conversation that arises once when you went to Lake Tahoe to help the Odinson brothers clean up their cabin.

Loki caught a glimpse of the wallpaper on your phone after you set it down on the center table. It’s a photo of you and Maria the weekend you ditched lunch at the Sunday Market.

“Hey Y/N, I hope you don’t mind but I have a question,” he started.

You took two sips of your beer before answering. “I don’t mind. What is it?”

Loki looked hesitant at first. “How come you and Maria aren’t together? You had a history, right?”

Thor elbowed his younger brother when he caught the sad look on your face. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.”

You blinked a couple of times to get you situated back in the present. You smiled at the boys, and they know, by the way, that your smile didn’t reach your eyes that you’re only being polite.

“It’s okay. The answer is pretty simple actually,” you paused to take a huge swig of your beer. The brothers glanced at each other. “She didn’t choose me.”

The silence that followed is palpable. You figured the boys didn’t know what to say or didn’t know how to proceed. You leaned back on the couch and tucked your feet under you before launching into the story.

“It’s a long time ago. We had another friend from the orphanage, his name is Bucky. He’s Maria’s first love.”

“Let me guess, she’s yours?” Loki asked, leaning forward, clearly intrigued

“She was.”

“Did she know?”

“She does. I never lied to her.”

“And then?” You chuckled at Loki’s eagerness.

“Bucks older than us. So he aged out of the system and decided to move away. He kept in touch though.”

“What happened next?” Thor prompted you to continue.

“And then Nick adopted Maria. Nick travels a lot for work. So he gave Maria the option to stay and make the town ‘home base’ or move somewhere else. You can guess what she chose.”

“Why our humble town then?” Loki couldn’t help but wonder.

“I found out that Bucky was here for a while.”

“You found out?” Loki stood from his chair and started pacing. “You helped her find the guy he likes over you?”

“I did.”

“Why?” Loki is frustrated now. “I thought you’re a genius.”

“I never subscribe to that term, and because I love her,” you answered confidently. By the look on your face, Thor understands that you don’t regret your decision, not even for a second.

“You’re an idiot.”

“Brother!” Thor warned but you just laughed. A genuine laugh this time.

“I know but Bucky’s the real idiot for letting Maria go.”

Maria leaving scarred you more than you let people know. It is the reason why you stopped getting attached to people and developed a very transactional way of dealing with partners instead. You developed rules of engagement to which you and your partners should uphold.

Rule # 1: Don’t get attached. The fun stops when the feeling starts.

Rule # 2: If you’re the one who starts having feelings first, leave. Leave before they can leave you.

Second, Carol and Natasha are your friends. You don’t fuck friends, not after Maria that is. You find it more complicated to extricate yourself from the situation and execute Rule # 2 then because you don’t quit on your friends. Especially, friends, you can’t just ignore or ghost when things go up in flames because you live in the same town, go to the same school, goes to the same parties, have the same crew, and friends you have regular breakfast and brunches with. Leaving would be too complicated, and probably heart-wrenching.

Lastly, you’re pretty sure Nat and Carol have history. No one talks about it, not even Maria. So either, the rest of the team doesn’t know or they all agreed not to talk about it. Either way, you have eyes, and you can see the way they look at each other when they don’t think anyone was looking. It’s still full of love, and that’s the worse fuel for your hesitation. If the two still has unresolved issues and feelings with each other, it’ll be idiotic to stand in the eye of a brewing storm.

***

In the course of studying together, Nat and Carol came clean about their feelings towards you of course. On separate occasions, of course. You also laid out your cards on the table. You told both of them your history with Maria. You told them you weren’t ready, not because you’re still hanged up on your best friend but because you’ve created a thick wall of ice around your heart that it’ll take time for it to thaw. They said they understood, they said they’ll wait.

So you don’t understand why you’re watching the two women who nearly swore on their feelings for you lip-locked, sharing spit with Steve and Valkyrie in the ballroom of Thor’s mansion where you’re currently having a party. You don’t understand why this is happening now, when you’ve already made a decision.

They’re too engrossed with each other, they didn’t even hear your glass of scotch breaking in your hand. You’re too absorbed in deciphering whether what you’re seeing is reality or a by-product of a nightmare you willingly walked into.

“What the fuck?!”

Tony screaming behind you broke you out of your reverie. Your eyes started to water, you could feel the pain in your hand as a broken glass dug into your palm. Unfortunately, the pairs broke away from each other too. Nat and Carol’s eyes instantly connected with yours. Your tear-stained face, and bloody hands cut through their alcohol addled brain.

“Y/N,” they whispered at the same time before scrambling to get off Steve and Valkyrie’s lap.

You smiled before turning on your heels and running away.

***

Taglist: @kaytoopio @marvelfansince08love @marvelb00kwolf @shycucumbersandwich @subject7creed

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curatedjournal-blog · 6 years

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World Mental Health Day - Some thoughts for students

So, likelihood is you’ve seen these before or they don’t matter/apply to you BUT in the off chance that you may need to hear it today, tomorrow, yesterday or 5 years from now let me tell you a few things about self-care and dealing with ill mental health not just as a student but as a human being.

DISCLAIMER/WARNING: I have been on and off depression and anxiety meds for the past 5+ years, have been through counselling, CBT, you name it. Also, some of this may be TRIGGERING so please be kind to yourself and stop/don’t start reading it if it feels wrong or painful. Also, these are as much for me as they are for others so there’s that...

1. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Sadly, all around the world, ill mental health is misunderstood, mocked and disregarded by many. Sometimes you may not be able to find support in your family or friends. Often not because they don’t want to support you but because they don’t understand what you are going through. However, there are multitudes of online and offline communities that can help for free and with no strings attached (I don’t want to recommend any service in particular for personal reasons but Google

can be a great friend in these cases. Also, your school/uni often has free psychological support for students).

2. Stress and anxiety are more common among students than you think. The pressure can be awful and it comes from all sides - family, money, professors, yourself. It sucks. Which is why you NEED to...

3. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Dude, self-care is everywhere these days. In a way, it almost lost it’s meaning! What is it really? Going on a shopping spree? Having a spa day? Exercising? Eating your favourite snack? Watching an episode of your fave show? All of the above? Well...

4. ONE SIZE DOESN’T FIT ALL. For me self-care is not binge watching Netflix as a way to avoid my to-dos, not letting shit accumulate, staying moderately on top of things and not kicking myself in the ass if I don’t. It’s also practicing kundalini yoga as OFTEN as I REMEMBER, journalling WHEN I feel like it, engaging in a hobby for 5 MINS to take my head of things, cooking a healthy meal IF I have time, etc.

5. SELF-CARE DOESN’T HAVE TO COST MONEY. Students are broke, we ain’t got no money (or time) for expensive massages and weekend yoga retreats. There’s so many free stuff that DOES NOT REQUIRE A SUBSCRIPTION which you can engage in to help you relax. Find a free exhibition to visit on a weekend, go to the local library and read a couple of soothing poems, go for a walk in the park (I’m a big believer in FOREST THERAPY). Also, if that’s your thing, youtube has LOTS of free self-care content: yoga classes, guided meditations, tips, soothing music...

6. If you’re STUCK IN A RUT, motivation doesn’t come, you can’t face leaving your bed because you fear something awful will happen well, I’m sorry but I’ll give you some tough love... Motivation won’t come. You have to do the thing even if you don’t feel

like it or are scared to do it. Likelihood is it’s not that big of a deal once you get started so... Take the first step (also, look into BEHAVIOURAL ACTIVATION a tried and true CBT technique).

7. EAT ONE FROG A DAY. You know that awful, anxiety inducing shit task you’ve been post-poning for ages that lingers in the back of your mind, eating at you and your sanity, neuron by neuron? Just get it over with. It won’t get any easier to do so may as well do it now and at least you can tick one off.

8. Frogs come in every size and SMALL WINS ARE IMPORTANT. Maybe your frog is making your bed in the morning or getting up before 7am or doing the dishes. Small victories accumulate and will make you feel accomplished step by step, no matter how small that step is. This can REALLY IMPROVE YOUR MOOD. Also, small frogs can easily become major frogs the more you put them off.

9. If it applies to you, TAKE YOUR MEDS and REMEMBER YOUR REPEAT PRESCRIPTIONS. Many times have I forgotten to take mine or reorder them to then feel like shit and completely useless for a week. What works for me may not work for you but here are my tips anyway - keep a water bottle and your meds by your bed next to your alarm clock/phone so you take them first thing when you wake up. Keep some extra meds in your bag so that IF you forget to take them then you have them with you and can easily get on top of it as soon as you realise.

10. KEEP HYDRATED. Honestly, I get majorly moody if I haven’t been drinking enough and it’s good for you eiter way so, do it!

11. BE ACCOUNTABLE. Find a buddy to help you keep in check (if you don’t have regular medical appointments or therapy sessions). Someone who you can talk to about how things are going or share experiences. Hey, I’m here if you’re desperate for a bud!

12. TRY TO DEVELOP AND KEEP A ROUTINE. Developing new habits takes a lot of effort and time. So it’s gonna be hard and you’ll feel like you want to give up and just hide under your covers (again, I speak from experience). Try and visualise what you’d like your daily routine to be - write it down, monitor it daily and if you fail try again...

13. TOMORROW IS A NEW DAY and a new chance to do things better. Try again and again until you succeed. And don’t beat yourself up everytime things don’t go exactly the way you want them to...

14. FOCUS ON POSITIVES. Remember those small wins? Write them down at the end of the day (or simply go over them in your mind). Keep a gratitude journal - as cliche as it sounds, remembering the good things at the end of a shit day will help you go to bed on a good note. I once heard of a lady who kept a journal where she only wrote positive things - all the negative crap she left out - I think that’s a great idea and something I am eager to try.

15. DECLUTTER FOR 5 MINS EACH DAY. A clean space makes for a clean mind. I always feel more anxious and moody if my space is messy.

16. EMBRACING MINIMALISM CAN HELP. Having lots of things doesn’t equal happiness or peace of mind. Lots of things create clutter and chaos and, in my case, mind clutter and anxiety.... which is why I’m currently actively trying to be more conscious about my possessions and purchases.

17. LEARN TO SAY NO. A lot of students in this community are perfectionists, overachieving, ambitious young people. It’s very easy to be seduced by cool opportunities, collabs, requests, invitations... Think twice before saying yes - can you realistically do what you are agreeing to? Will it contribute to your anxiety? Will it truly be beneficial for you? Be a bit selfish if you have to. It’s okay to focus on your wellbeing.

18. DON’T LET IMPOSTER SYNDROME TAKE THE REIGNS. We’ve all been there: I don’t deserve this, I’m not good enough, everyone else is smarter, I CAN’T DO THIS. Yes you can! Tell that voice to shut up. Say it in front of the mirror everyday: I AM ENOUGH AND I CAN DO THIS.

19. BREAK THINGS DOWN. Instead of writing on your to do list “clean bedroom”, break it down into as small tasks as possible: “pick up clothes from floor”, “change bedding”, “organise books”, “dust surfaces”, “vacuum”, etc.

20. ASK FOR HELP. I end it as I begun it. When it gets too hard, reach out. Whether it’s a close friend or an anonymous support line you don’t have to go through it alone. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, YOUR LIFE MATTERS.

YOU ARE UNIQUE AND AMAZING AND YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO OFFER.

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thatonebeatlesblog · 7 years

Text

I was tagged by @blind-lemon to do this questionnaire.

Fair warning: It is quite long. The questionnaire is too.

The last

1. Drink: Coke

2. Phone Call: Me mam

3. Text Message:my friend/adoptive auntie Jill

4. Song You Listened To: Peg-Steely Dan

5. Time You Cried: uh...like an hour ago

Have You

1. Ever Dated Someone Twice: Yes

2. Kissed Someone And Regretted It: No.

3. Been Cheated On: Probably

4. Lost Someone Special: Yes.

5. Been Depressed: Yes.

6. Gotten Drunk And Thrown Up: No

List 3 Favorite Colors:

-Yellow

-Green

-Blue

In The Last Year Have you

1. Made New Friends: YES!!!!

2.Fallen Out Of Love: Yes.

3. Laughed Until You Cried: No.

4. Found Out Someone Was Talking About You: No.

5. Met Someone Who Changed You: HELL YES

6. Found Out Who Your Friends Are: Y E S.

General

1. How Many Of Your Facebook Friends Do You Know In Real Life: like 50 probably out of 200-something

2. Do You Have Any Pets?: YES!!!! I have a 2 y/o pitbull-border collie named Max and a little albino parakeet named Odette.

3. Do You Want To Change Your Name: Yes. Since my birth name is still in effect.

4. What Did You Do For Your Last Birthday: I spent the night with my mom and went to dinner w/my dad and stepmom, and was gifted a copy of The White Album

5. When Did You Wake Up Today: 6:30, I think??

6. What Were You Doing Last Night At Midnight: burning my throat out on a bong in-between texting @blind-lemon and another friend

7. Name Something You Can’t Wait For: travel.

8. When Was The Last Time You Saw Your Mum: Yesterday.

9. What Is Something You Wish You Could Change In Your Life: Nothing. Because it brought me here today.

10. What Are You Listening To Right Now: Well, I had a record going, Aja by Steely Dan. But it played out and now I’m overhearing my auntie and uncle watching Wheel Of Fortune on the television in the living room bc they have it up so loud (they’re hard of hearing--well,, my uncle is anyway)

11. Have You Ever Talked To A Person Called Tom: Yeah, but I was too young to remember.

12. Something That Is Getting On Your Nerves: I made the mistake of watching the news earlier with my aunt and i ended up getting upset about the mass destruction happening worldwide feeling helpless to do anything about it. But I know that when I travel and sing/help others any small fluctuation will eventually make large ripples.

13. Most Visited Website: This Place.

Random Info

1. Mole(s): 5 or 6

2. Marks: FRECKLES,, FRECKLES EVERYWHERE IT’S DAY 5,000 AND I FEAR ONE DAY I WILL LOOK TO NO LONGER SEE SKIN

3. Childhood Dream: To be a geologist, which evolved into a veterinarian which then evolved into an ocean biologist which then evolved into ornithology which then evolved into acting/musical theatre which then evolved into MUSIC--Today!

4. Hair Color: Light brown

5. Long Hair or short hair: short, but it’s growing out. I need a haircut

6. Do you have a crush on somebody: I’m here becos the beatles ruined my life

7. What do you like about yourself: my compassion and understanding, i’ve come to realize that not everyone i encounter views things the same way and it can be draining

8. Piercings: YES. I have a silver ring on my right nostril. I want to get my lip done too but idk yet

9. Blood type: I have no clue,, but some of the mosquitoes outside my auntie’s house might be able to tell you.

10. Nickname: Log

11. Relationship status: single and happy

12. Zodiac: Cancer sun, Libra rising, Leo moon

13. Pronouns: He/They

14. Favourite TV shows: Friends, How I Met Your Mother, The Joy Of Painting w/ Bobbie Ross, Andy Griffith, Gravity Falls, Spongebob

15. Tattoos: No! Unfortunately!! I want to get one very soon!

16. Right or left hand: right

17. Surgery: no, thank god

18. Hair dyed in different colors: yes, i went blonde in middle school (dont ask highlights were in) and i went red soon after but washed it out after two days after ‘feeling weird’ idk i was a moody little shite

19. Sport: I loved kicking ass in street hockey, but nothin beats kickin shit at each other whether it’s a ball or a can whatever

20. Vacation: I’ve been jonsing to go down to La Jolla lately and back to LA even though my last experience there was horrid--it’s calling me back. With it’s East-Coast-style buildings and pigeons everywhere. It’s like a little slice of Manhattan.

21. Pair of trainers: I brought one pair of white high-top Chuck Taylor’s that have my scribbly writing and drawings all over em

22. Eating: whatever that’s food. But i’ve been scared off of eating meat by like every media source since i’ve been in high school so i’m an aspiring vegetarian. Whether or not i’ll follow through is another thing...

23. Drinking: Nothing,, I should probably go and hydrate myself

24. I’m about to: go watch Lawrence Welk with my aunt and uncle

25. Waiting for: The Magical Mystery Tour to take me away already,,jesus

26. Want: food

27. Get Married: Idk man I don’t see myself being that settled

28. Career: Spiritual counselor/healer, Singer, English Literature Teacher

29. Hugs or kisses: hugs

30. Lips or eyes: eyes

31. Shorter or taller: i like taller, but i honestly don’t care

32. Older or younger: older

33. Nice arms or nice stomach: arms

34. Sensitive or loud: sensitive

35. Hook-up or relationship: relationship

36. Troublemaker or hesitant: depends on what kind of troublemaker

Have you ever

1. Kissed a stranger: no

2. Drank hard liquor: yes

3. Lost glasses/contact lenses: i’m always losing my glasses. 95% of the time they’re on my gd head

4. Turned someone down: yes

5. Sex on the first date: no

6. Broken someone’s heart: yes

7. Had your heart broken: yes

8. Been arrested: no

9. Cried when someone died:Yes.

10. Fallen for a friend: yes

Do you believe in

1.Yourself: Yes,but I doubt far too much

2. Miracles: Yes

3. Love at first sight: yes

4.Santa Clause: Okay, I may be a sap but no. But I don’t doubt there is, in fact, a fat hairy man living in the arctic

5. Kiss on the first date: it depends

6. Angels: Yes.

7. Current best friend name: Levonia

8. Eye color: hazel

9. Favorite movie: Yellow Submarine or Fantastic Mr. Fox

I tag: @prettymacca , @mclennunf , @greerio , @thefeetlesfan , @dribblebeatles

#woah this was like writing an entire in-depth 'about me' thingie #thank you for the tag mo!!!!#aiden speaks

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xeezhiah · 7 years

Text

7-11 Run 2017: 10.14mi = 16.32km

Unofficial/Adidas miCoach Time is 2:30:14.

That is roughly around 3 minutes early than my first 16k PR last August 2016, so yeah, hello new personal best!

A lot of firsts happened today - it is my first run out of my comfort zone also known as the Mall of Asia Complex because this run is staged in Filinvest City, Alabang. First time also that my whole family sent me off - something that didn’t happen in any of my first eight runs so it is safe to say that it is quite a special start for me because the whole fam took me to the race venue. First time also that I have not used the official singlet because I don’t feel like using it, rather, I used a training top by Cotton On paired with a leggings. It is also the first time that I ran a race in leggings, because it is so freaking cold that I couldn’t afford to wear shorts. First time also that I didn’t bring a bag along which is a bad decision because I wasn’t able to get all the freebies at the race village but it’s okay since I am after the race anyway.

So I have officially survived the dreaded skyway run course - the course that could have been my very first run if only I didn’t chicken out last year. Apparently, it is not scary at all. Although I would admit, it felt like forever running there but I did admire the view especially during daybreak. I couldn’t exactly recall how many airplanes I have counted taking off and landing in - nope, 16K did not reach the airport runway area but from the skyway, planes landing and taking off are obviously visible or perhaps I just know it when a plane from up above is on its final approach for landing or had just taken off. So yeah, along with my chosen spotify playlist, I was counting planes the whole time at the race course. That is the effect of running on your own, maybe coz you have no one to talk to.

I am also guilty of singing while running even if that means catching up on my breath but who cares? I’m enjoying the run and that is more important.

I shift between using my BSI Medicated Spray on my legs and making a pit stop at the medics to have my legs sprayed so as I could get rid of shin pains and cramps. Proven effective. I apparently didn’t need too much of my Lifesavers to fuel me because my hype for this run is more than enough to energize me. I stopped in all hydration tables just because they seem to be too far so I did take advantage of making a hydration stop when I see one.

Somewhere along the course, I was surprised to see one of my high school batch mate present at the event, not as a runner but as EMS. I stopped by to say hi and then carried on.

Truth be told, I really felt that the distance between the start point in Alabang to the U-Turn slot for my category in Bicutan, adjacent to Azure Resort then back to Alabang was more than 16 kilometres. Or maybe I am just not used to running in a very wide road such as the skyway that was closed down so as the runners can experience it the best way possible. At least this time, us runners are not sharing the road with the vehicles although yes, I am sure motorists curses the event because it caused traffic.

The daybreak was a distraction for me also but I wasn’t able to take much fotos of it because I was after breaking my 16K PR. I was too focused on it because unlike the first time, this run was blessed with good weather so it will be a shame for me if I will finish it beyond my PR which is at 2hrs and 33mins. I was aiming for 2.10 again but it doesn’t matter to me if I finish beyond the target as I knew my training was not of quality hence I will not force it. Proud and surprised actually that I finished at 2.30 when I was already expecting that I would finish at somewhere around 2.35-2.40

I started the run with my mobile phone being inside my belt bag but after my second mile, I took it out just because I needed inspiration. Each time I feel tired, I would remind myself why I was doing this run and would look at my mobile phone after, that trick worked its wonders on me because I was able to carry on when there were moments in the run that I just want to sit down and turn back and quit. But no, the purpose and the inspiration kept me going. More of them are revealed on the shoutouts.

It still is surprisingly cold at 6AM, during the final stretch of the run. Damn, I couldn’t believe I managed to survive skyway… at last! Sure it was a good one. Definitely one for the books!

The finish line was different from the start point so it is kind of another first for me as none of the runs I previously joined at had the same set up. Just this one and it was awesome because I finally had a foto with the huge “Finish” banner after I crossed the line.

It was a great experience in general, although yeah, it was kind of a challenge finding my way back home. I had to make three trips just because my feet were too tired to take me to the terminal leading to Pasay. Rather, I opted to take the ones going to Zapote and from there, I took a bus going to Buendia and from Buendia, I rode a jeep leading to Pasay Taft. Before I could even leave Alabang, the jeep that I was riding going to Zapote had to battle the traffic and two accidents, with one even involving the drivers in a fist fight. I’m certain it would be a viral video if someone took time to capture it on video.

Oh, oh, before I forget, it is also the first time I raced with my Adidas Alphabounce. I have been using it on training and it really is true to its name - it sure is “bouncy” that I feel like I’m Tigger (one of my favourite cartoon characters) in each stride. However, because she looks so dirty already, I would have to give her the first bath that she needs and shift back to her older sister, Pureboost X come next race. Alternating the use of my running babies sounds like a good idea anyway.

Now the shoutouts… first off, to Madam, Aubrey and Aya - taking me to the race venue was a big boost for me so thank you so, so much!

To Ate Abbie, thank you so much for the Cotton On training top you gave me for the holidays. I think I told you that I will use it for my first run this year and I did. I love the comfy feel it gave me the entire time that I didn’t have to worry about the sweating me. You really do know what to get for me, big sister!

To my good friend Chris Santos, bro, I raced this morning with a heavy heart because of your passing. I may be hyper for this run but I have to admit being partly sad. We may have only been friends for a little less than a year but it was really nice knowing you. In a short span of time that we have known each other, we shared stories about our passion - yours was biking and mine was running. I will never forget how you were one of the first few people who convinces me that I should believe I resemble Pia Wurtzbach, but more than that, I will forever remember our last conversation - “Ingat ka lagi and good luck sa mga runs mo and always finish strong" you say, not knowing that it was your way of saying goodbye. I am honoured that we have met and became friends. Rest in peace and ride free in heaven. No more pain for you, bro. No goodbyes also, just see you soon! This run is to celebrate the life you lived, bro! Salamat!

To my sister Eljei Corpuz, I promised this run is for you and I will be true to my word. I would have quit this race after my 4th mile because I really feel so tired and yet there goes my mind telling my body that this is a thanksgiving for you, for each day that you wake up and you’re ready to face your battles anew. You are a strong, beautiful woman who I know will beat cancer’s ass no matter what. You’ve done it once, you can do it again. It sure is an honour for me to run a 10 miler as thanksgiving to God for keeping you alive along with asking Him to heal you all the more and take the cancer away. I’m sure He would in no time. Thank you for being my motivation on this run, sis. I love you and I will see you very soon!

Lastly, John Gerald, your smiles on my lock and home screens did the trick also in keeping me focused in finishing the goal. I remember you laughing at me and telling me how silly I am for screengrabbing your motivational words from our convos and convert them into a collage and set it as lock screen foto, in defense I told you I needed motivation, I needed inspiration and I get both from you - now I hope you realize what I said is real and it is effective. See, I told you, we may not talk often but you keep on inspiring me. You may forget about me but I can tell you now that I have not forgotten you, I will never forget you. Thank you for being my constant good vibes, thank you because the thoughts of you while running kept me singing, happy and fired up to do a strong finish. You’re not just the crushie, you’re not just my heart’s favourite but you are also my inspiration to better myself always so thank you so, so much. And since you were the first one to wish me more runs this year, of course I will also dedicate this run for you. This is just the first so brace yourself coz you might see your name on my shoutouts maybe ten or twelve times more this year. Like I always say, you are loved and appreciated in a way you’re not aware of and I will leave it at that, my dearest.

It is kind of crazy that I have yet to sleep when my body screams for rest. Perhaps I will give in as soon as I have finished eating the Tinapa with Pickles and Achara that I have been craving for days now.

Thank you God for letting me finish strong without adding an injury to my injured foot and for making me run as if I am not nursing an injury.

Congratulations to all my fellow runners who ran this race regardless of the category.

Now the question is, am I going to brave a half mary or downgrade to 10K for SMDC Run?

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