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atomicblasphemy · 3 years

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Chamomile {Part VI}

Eda and Amity share a cup of tea

“Well, be my guest. You technically already are my guest, but… Anyway, whenever you’re ready.”

“Right. As I said, mother does it herself, she doesn’t call for a servant to do it, or a professional. No, that’s our little mother and daughter time, as she calls it. And she always goes on and on about how nice I look next to my siblings when we all have the same color afterwards. Looking like a Blight, she says. She’s there messing with my hair and she won’t even say a word, not a single word. We both just stay there silent as she goes through the motions. Have you ever done it? Have you ever dyed your hair? The first thing you’re supposed to do is bleach it, that’s important. Especially if you are going to put a light tone like this. I never really got it, her hair is a darker shade than this, Ed and Em’s too. But she always went for this light green. You’d think she’d make father dye his hair to, but its actually more like she forbids him from that. Anyway. To be fair, I actually prefer this over their tone. Anyway, I once asked Lilith, back when she was still my mentor, if your scalp was supposed to itch after you bleach it. She said it never happened to her. That was the end of it. But I guess it kind of changes with time, either that or I’ve gotten better at controlling the itch. After mother is done and the dye dries she will always shower me with compliments, the name Blight thrown every other sentence. She’ll keep this up for like a couple of days, give or take. Then, when it starts to fade or it just generally becomes old news, then its back to the cold shoulders. When the brown roots start to ‘spoil the look’, as she puts it, she’ll make sure not to let me forget it. The word Blight completely absent from her mouth when it comes to me. That will go on until our next mother and daughter time. Then she’ll call me a Blight again. Until then I’m hardly Amity anymore. She’ll do this kind of treatment with Ed and Em sometimes too. But their hair is naturally green, and they are better than me at avoiding giving reason to it, I guess. I used to think that it was favoritism or something like that. We talked, the three of us, I don’t think that, not anymore. Luz told you about that library fiasco, didn’t she?”

“Yup, she did.”

“So, what prompted that was the… let’s call it the broken vase mystery. A porcelain vase, I thought it was something passed down from generations, some sort of Blight heirloom. Nope, she bought it the week before. Those things all look the same, to be honest. Pretending to be ancient and more valuable than they actually are, way too needlessly intricate for you to actually appreciate the details. Honestly, I don’t even think there is something to be appreciated in things like that, once glance and you’ll get all that it has to offer. In any case, one morning the thing is on the floor, completely shattered. Obviously, we were the three main suspects. Well… those two didn’t accuse me. But they didn’t exactly took responsibility either, and I knew for a fact Ed snucked out the night before and Em was covering for him. Some accident must have happened in the process and the vase was the victim. As I said, they didn’t take responsibility. So we all got grounded. I was livid. Three weeks, with another one of probation.”

“Probation? Seriously? Your parents gave you all a rap sheet?”

“I… I know… It really is worse than it sounds. Anyway, two weeks in, I storm into father’s office and tell him everything I knew.”

“Snitch.” Eda snickered.

“I’m not proud of that, but in the end I guess it was for the best, really. They were proud, apparently, of what did, and the amount of evidence I had to support my innocence. So I was back to being a Blight. Ed and Em weren’t anymore, not until their sentences were done with, that is. They got two months added to it, eleven weeks in total, with the possibility of appeal after the sixth week, not counting the first sentence. Mother and father said: obstruction of justice is a serious charge. Technically they are still serving it. But they are veterans, they know their ways around surveillance and all that, why do you think they chose to go to the illusions track? So yeah, it was their turn to be mad. Their plan was to leak my diary on school, to make me lighten up somehow, not take things too seriously, whatever that means. Well… Luz probably told you how that went down. Now we can see eye to eye though, because of that, because of what Luz told them that night. It was a shock to them, I think. The three of us talked that night, we talked a lot that night. Turns out we all truly are those two’s children. Turns out their stories weren’t that different from mine. They just knew better than me how to do stuff in a way those two wouldn’t notice. The impossible even happened that night. They apologized, and something even more unlikely: I forgave them. We felt like family for the first time in… ever, I guess. It was the first time the words mittens didn’t sound just like mockery. One of the things they told me, about the hair, was that they would do that sort of stuff with them, both mother and father. It was with extra-credits though: Ed wanted ballet, Em wanted wrestling. Ed took up wrestling, Em took up ballet. They lucked out, they could teach each other in the wee hours. There was other stuff too, but that’s what I can remember off the top of my head.”

“Amity, your siblings sound lovely, and they seemed really nice when they came here the other day, and that day at the knee. But I don’t see how this has anything to do with your hair.”

“Honestly, I’m not sure myself. But… I think what I’m trying to say is that our parents are building us, and they are very specific about every single detail. Little miss perfect. Now that I think of it that nickname fits like a glove. The three of us really. Perfection was always the lowest bar acceptable to all three of us. No diversions, only perfection, only then we would be worthy of the Blight name. We didn’t ever really know what that perfection word meant, only mother and father could tell. And, well. My hair… It just so happens that this was the biggest flaw, the biggest and most glaring imperfection.”

Amity lifted her hand, she didn’t tuck in an lose strands of green this time. She just pointed her finger at the creeping light shade of brown. The line between kin and strangers laid so blurred.

“You were born with that, they are the ones who gave it to you. Is this how you see it? I mean, that, on your roots. That looks a lot like Al’s color, from what I remember. Is this the word you would describe it with?”

“Of course not, but it isn’t like that ever mattered. And yes, I did get my hair from him. But then again, he took up the name, not the other way around. He is the outsider, mother doesn’t say that out loud, but I’m sure that’s how she feels. You know, I think there are days they don’t even see each other. With all that you told me about them, he sounded so eager to take up the name. You said he was ambitious, right? Anyway. Dying my hair now, after all we talked about tonight, it just sounds like her way of showing me how thin the blightness sheet of ice I always stood on has been all along. I have at least that in common with father, I suppose, this kinship, if nothing else. I actually think that’s why I decided to follow his path with the abominations, even if I wouldn’t put in these words back then the way I’m doing right now. But then again, I guess that if dying my hair is what I need to do in order to be a Blight, I always thought that’d be worth it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, he’s the outsider, I’m not a Blight all the time. It felt right to follow his track. At least that’s what I thought. I always thought I looked more like him than her. I suppose she would agree.”

“I’m not so sure about that. You have his hair, his eyes. But I also see a lot of Odalia in you. Yup. You really are your mother’s daughter. Physical appearance and personality alike.”

“Wha-What do you mean by that?”

“I mean what I mean, and we both know you are clever enough to know what that is. I mean that at end of the day, you are still a member of the Blight family. There’s no changing that, at least not yet.”

“Really? I… thought I was managing to change any bad first impressions gave you, but...”

“But you did. Look at me, Amity. You did. And I don’t just mean that because of tonight. Honestly, I’ve have a hunch you were not a bad person since that day at the knee. Your siblings too actually. But that doesn’t mean you’re good either, but you have all the time you need to walk down that particular rocky road. You and I both know what your parents are like, what they are capable of. But the fact of the matter is, this is who you are, for now. You were raised by Odalia and Alador. And for good or for worse, mostly worse, they are a big part of who you are right now. You are a Blight. But, I’ve seen with my own eyes you take first few steps to go past the Blight. This is why I’m being so insistent on telling you that you absolutely need to make amends with Willow. As a matter of fact, I believe you should apologize for trying to murder Hooty, and bake King a few indemnisation cupcakes. I mean, you’ll probably be visiting more often so it would be better for you to change the bad first impression you did give the two of them. Trust me. Anyway, getting off track. Let’s make a little mental experiment. Shouldn’t be too hard for you, but imagine you marry Luz and become a Noceda. Hey, Hey, Hey. Focus, Amity. This is important, get your feet back on the ground. Now, sure, you’d not have people calling you Blight anymore, but that part of your past would still be there. That won’t just disappear with the name. The name on its own means nothing, but the past associated with it means everything. You have to choose, really choose not to be a Blight anymore. Assuming that’s even possible, that is. At the very least you can more Amity than Blight though. Really fixing things with Willow, making sure you’ll never do anything even remotely like that, willingly becoming a better person. Moving over being a Blight passes through all that for you, it won’t just come out of nothing. It depends on you. Tell me, if I were to give you a room in this house, tell you don’t need to go back to the manor ever again, would you dye your hair back to its natural color?”

Amity’s eyes grew wide. Eda’s grew morose.

“Would you really?”

This had little to do with Luz. Amity and Eda both knew it.

“I’m sorry, kiddo. I really am. But I can’t do that, this is just a hypothetical scenario. Honestly, when I saw that you and Luz were becoming friends I just knew you couldn’t be like Odalia and Alador, that you weren’t too far gone yet. That you at the very least were trying to be a good person… Well, I started running some scenarios in my head. Contingency plans, if you will. Should push come to shove, I could try and act on it. That was when I still had my magic. But even then, I don’t think it would work out. Petty theft, wild magic, that’s one thing. Abducting a kid, a blue blood at that… That’s something entirely different. All those scenarios ended with you getting sent off to one of those boarding schools they have at the left shoulder. And you need to keep it in mind, Luz is not from this realm. If she ever decides and manages to go back to her home neither of us will have any right to fault her, to try to stop her. If that happens, odds are you’ll never see her again. And I doubt you would like that, would you?”

“No… No, I wouldn’t.”

“Yeah… But hey, for what it counts. You and your siblings are welcome here anytime. And I do mean anytime, if you come knocking at four in the morning the doors will be open for you, and a cup of chamomile ready to go. And if you really need it, if you’re really fearing for your safety or something like that, at least I can promise you to put up a hell of a fight. Your father won’t be seeing my back this time around. And I’ll even drag Lily into it. I can also try to help you plan to leave that place as soon as possible. Beyond that... I’m really sorry, Amity, but my hands are tied.”

“I… That’s ok… Thank you… Really.”

“Don’t mention it.”

She didn’t meet Amity’s eyes. Trying to put up a front, she continued.

“Now, moving on. Who is this brown haired girl you seem to like so much?”

“She’s… a lot like Luz, or the Luz I see at least… Or maybe just like what I remember from when I was still friends with Willow. I don’t know which one, maybe she’s both, probably someone else entirely. I don’t know who she is, I never met her. But I think about her a lot. I like her more than this green haired Blight girl. I think… I think that’s all I can tell you about her. Its like you said, at the end of the day, she’ll be a Blight and there’s I can do about it.”

“I’ve never said that.”

“What?”

“I’ve never said that. All I said is that you are a Blight, and that you have time on your side. That’s not the same as saying that that’s all you’ll ever be. Didn’t Luz show you proof that what you’re saying just isn’t true? But yeah… This girl you just described, I don’t know if she will ever exist. Because even if you don’t think so, to me it sounds like she never really was a Blight, she never had to make the choices a Blight needs to make on a daily basis. In this sense she really is a lot like Luz. I’m not discouraging you from trying to be her though. She sounds lovely. She really does. You should aim for her, in my opinion. But don’t expect to become her. If anything, I can picture an Amity with brown hair and green roots.”

“What if I chose wrong?”

“Aren’t you used to it by now?”

“Ouch, you really are brutal, aren’t you?”

“Heh, sorry. But I mean it. Aren’t you? Wouldn’t you do exactly what you’ve been doing? Try and fix it?”

“I guess.”

“So, what’s stopping from asking Luz out? A proper date, that is.”

“Because if rejects me, she’ll be rejecting both my brown and my green hair. I can take it if she rejects the green... The other one… that’s a different story.”

“Ahh… Finally.”

Eda smiled as she saw her goals accomplished, Amity couldn’t help but to do the same. Her hair, falling over her face didn’t call for the same hiding anymore, however. Eda just looked at her, their different eyes sharing the familiarity absent before. She felt though she had, in a sense, just been defeated. For someone as competitive as her that should be a terrible emotion, but with a chuckle Amity continued.

“Heh… I’ve actually been postponing mother and daughter time, letting my natural color show, on purpose. I was doing that even before Luz showed up, but as the feelings grew, my feelings, no one else’s, it was only more reason for me not to want it dyed. Mother has been relentless about it. But I’m liking the way it is now. I don’t think its perfect. But maybe its better this way. I didn’t want Luz to know me just with this green, if she rejects me now, she’ll be reject both the colors. But yeah… Looks like you cracked me, finally.”

“Maybe it is. Look, Amity. I’m not telling you to go for it. You are wanting to ask my daughter out after all, and I shouldn’t get more involved than I already am. So all I’m going to say is just my own personal opinion. As far as I’m concerned, you’re a good kid. I didn’t ask all of that because I’m vetting you or anything like that. Well, not only that at least. But the main thing for me is that I just can’t bare to watch someone who has so many possible roads ahead stick to one she didn’t even choose herself, not after I learned how to be a mother. Not since Luz taught me that. And if this fear of her rejecting the same parts of you that your family rejected is what’s keeping you from acting on what you really want. Well, that just doesn’t seem fair to me. And you never know. I mean, I don’t think Luz ever had someone confessing their feelings to her, odds are her standards aren’t really all that high. I don’t know why she’d say no.”

Amity laughed, she had just been insulted but she just laughed. She should have been mortified, but she just laughed. Eda had once more made her laugh at herself. She felt vulnerable, as vulnerable as the sleeping Luz upstairs, but as long as she was in this home she felt as though no harm would ever come to her. She couldn’t explain this feeling, nor could she find it in her to avoid it.

“Well, that’s a pretty harsh way of putting it.”

Chuckling, Eda responds.

“You’re welcome. But you know, there’s another reason why I’m saying that. Remember that story I told you? That one about me, my sister, your parents. Well, I see a bit of everyone there in you. You have this strange shrewdness, bordering on cruelty sometimes. That’s Odalia’s. You have something about the way you talk, the way you carry yourself, even this mostly unvoiced self-depreciation. Alador was a lot like that when we were kids. You are gullible, you can just go with the motions set by others, like my sister. But you don’t want that, you want something else, you are taking your time sorting things out. That’s what I see of myself in you. But you know in who I don’t see anything of anyone in that story? Luz. She’s not exactly trying to replace her reality with a better one. Granted, I don’t know exactly why she chose to stay here and not go back to her world, I suspect there was something very much amiss in her life there. But whenever she talks about that place its not really with resentment. At least that’s how it feels like to me. She really is the wild card. If she had been there when all of that was happening, even if in the sidelines, most likely the stories of the four of us have been a lot different. What I’m trying to say is that all you have for trying to predict how she’d respond is the way she’s treated you so far. I’ll let you sleep on that. But for what it counts, and I’ll cut your tongue if you ever tell her I said this, I’m rooting for you. She deserves someone who cares about her. And tonight you convinced me that’s the case with you, you hit the last nail on that question.”

“You really think so?”

“I do, Amity. I do… Look, as far as I’m concerned, you, Willow, Gus. You’re all part of the Owl family, now. You care about Luz, she cares about the lot of you, that’s really all I could ask for. By the way, wednesday is Monopoly night.

“Monopoly?”

“Yeah, I don’t know. Its this game she found in the human garbage the other day. Kinda boring if you ask me. Just a heads up” Her expression suddenly grew dark. “Luz can get… Pretty intense… Now...”

Standing up, Eda left out a yawn, a clearly forced one, a hand covering her mouth, the other thrown way behind her back as if stretching. Of Eda’s many talents, acting was not one. Placing a hand on Amity’s shoulder again, she proceeds.

“Its pretty late. And Luz wouldn’t stop going on and on about her plans for the two of you. You’ll need some sleep, trust me. You have a big day ahead of you tomorrow. You can just leave those teacups there, I still have some reading to catch up to. I’ll wash it before I go to bed. Good night, kid.”

#ten #the owl house #edalyn clawthorne #luz noceda #amity blight

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witchcraft-in-wonderland · 4 years

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Peculiars (Pt.1)

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Patton Boleyn was a special child, not necessarily special in the way most would describe. He was smart, yes, but he was average smart. He was skilled in things like singing art and cooking, but not profesionally.

Looking at Patton most would assume he was completely ordinary, and he was for the most part.

But Patton could do things most humans couldnt. Most people would watch him sitting in fields and wading through lakes and rivers and say it was just him being a normal energetic child.

Patton's parents knew better, they saw the way the flowers moved to face their son, and the way the lake seemed to become empty in the spots Patton swam in.

Patton's father said they would have to keep him inside for his safety, his parent said that Patton's gift was one to be nurtured, not locked away from the rest of the world.

Patton hated the days they would argue. The way his father's eyes would narrow as he yelled at his spouse over a petty incident of a flower growing quicker than it should in the school yard. The way his parent's hand clutched the nearby table as they struggled not to raise their voice at their husband.

The day Patton asked to go to the pool was the last straw. His father had panicked, words were exchanged that Patton wouldnt forget for years. So Patton and his parent had packed up their things and left. Patton found out later that they hadnt been happy in the marriage with his father either way, so Patton was glad both of them had escaped.

That was how the first nine years of Patton's life had gone, and the next five had been full of Patton hiding his gift from everyone except his parent.

They had the most vibrant garden in the neighborhood, and a little pond with a small waterfall in the backyard. Patton would watch the koi swim through the pond, manipulating the water to small bubbles occasionally so he could lift the fish out of the pond without hurting them. He had to stop doing that when the neighbor tried to catch it on camera and call the police.

Patton didn't mind having to hide, but sometimes it hurt, he felt wrong, he wanted to run around in lakes and fields like he used to, wanted to watch the water ripple under his hands, and flowers bloom where he walked. But it wasnt safe anymore, people were scared, they wouldnt trust someone like him.

Today felt different, he'd woken up same as usual, to his parent's voice calling him down for breakfast, their soft brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. It was almost identical to his own, only a little darker, and a lot less healthy from all their years of dying it as a teenager, they'd told Patton that if he ever wanted to dye his hair he would have to wait a while between sessions so it wouldnt fall out.

Then he'd gone to school and had a perfectly ordinary day, he'd done well in his classes, he talked to other students, and he hadnt caused a single flower to bloom or ripple in a puddle of water.

He was beginning to think that the feeling he'd had this morning was just nerves, until he walked home to find his parent on the front porch with a woman who had white hair with streaks of pink and blue. The woman was smiling and talking to his parent, who's face was one of shocked Awe and silence.

"Patton! There you are!" His parent threw their arms around him.

"What's going on? Who's this?" Patton put his hands in his pockets, an expression of concern on his face.

"Mrs. Hera Raven, she runs a school for kids like you," Patton's jaw clenched.

"You're not sending me away are you? I haven't done anything wrong!" Patton stepped back, he'd almost tripped into the street before his parent caught his arm, their deep blue eyes were full of a mix of sorrow and understanding.

"No one is saying you've done anything wrong dear, but people with your talents arent safe out here, Mx. Boleyn has agreed to let me take the two of you somewhere safer," Mrs. Raven was smiling, Patton noticed her lipstick was an odd blood-red color. Patton looked between the two adults, the confusion in his face only becoming more pronounced.

Mrs. Raven's face shifted suddenly to one of fear, "we need to leave, quickly, follow me," she gestured to a car.

A few minutes of driving later they had come upon a collection of oddly shaped rocks, and disappeared through the center of them.

"Now hurry up hurry up, we'll be safe once we're at the school," Mrs. Raven said, ushering them through the woods. Eventually they came upon a large building, it was made of bricks and stone, and the brick was painted black.

"Can someone please tell me what's going on?" Patton said, fidgeting with his clothes.

Mrs. Raven looked around for a few seconds, Patton noticed that, rather than both her eyes being the bright green he thought they were, one was a striking yellow color.

"Patton, you are what we call a peculiar child, it's a recessive gene in families that manifests in, as you might call them, supernatural abilities in children," she said.

"You mean theres more kids that can do what I can?" Patton said.

"Well, not exactly what you can do, they all have their own abilities, you can meet more of them here," Mrs. Raven said.

"Oh, and the main rule, now that you're here, you cant leave, if you leave the loop you will be in danger once it resets," Patton opened his mouth to ask another question.

"Loops are rewind in time created by ymbrenes like myself, they are used to protect peculiar children such as yourself, some of the children within this loop have been here for nearly one hundred years, if they were to leave, they would age until-" Patton's parent covered his ears.

"So what about Bon?" Patton asked, looking up at them.

"The same rule applies to humans, typically parents who accompany their children to the school become members of staff, it's actually quite good for the children to have multiple parental figures," Mrs. Raven said with a grin.

"Patton, I'm gonna let you go make friends while I go with Mrs. Raven ok?" Bon smiled, running their hand through Patton's hair.

"Ok Bon," Patton said. He watched the two adults leave before finally walking into the main portion of the courtyard. There were dozens of children chasing each other and playing around, and adults talking to each other on the sidelines while watching their children.

"Watch out!" Patton barely had time to react before a basketball came hurling it's way across the garden, a tree branch curled it's way around the object just before it made contact with his face.

"Wooooaaaahhh! Awesome!" Patton moved the tree back into the ground, picking the basketball up and turning on the direction of the voice. A boy that looked a year or two older than him, with red eyes and the wisp of a mustache, was smiling brightly at him.

"So you can make trees huh? That's cool," he said as he took the basketball out of Patton's hands.

"I can control water to," Patton whispered, shuffling his feet in the grass.

"Remus! Who's that!" Another boy ran over to them, this one had bright green eyes and a mass of red hair.

"New kid, he makes trees," Remus said with a grin.

"Well come on, it's your turn," said the boy.

"Can we call it a tie for today, I wanna show him around," said Remus. The other boy nodded and ran off to a group of five other boys.

"Well, I'm Remus Duke-Prince, and I can reanimate the dead," Remus said. Patton blinked a few times while trying to process this, earning a laugh from the boy.

"Patton Boleyn, I can manipulate earth and water, which I guess are kind of similar since they both make up the actual planet anyways," Patton mumbled, tapping his fingers together.

"Boleyn? Like as in beheaded Anne Boleyn?" Remus said. Patton nodded and flinched slightly as Remus let out a loud howl of laughter.

"Come on- let me introduce you to my favorite people here," Remus said, grabbing Patton's arm and running over to the group of six.

"Everyone, this is Patton, Patton, this is Roman, Logan, Virgil, Janus, Emile, and Remy," Remus said, pointing at each of the boys in turn.

"Roman Prince-Duke, yes, I'm related to the rat," Roman said, picking up a rock and holding it out in front of Patton. Patton was about to take it from his hand before Roman closed his fingers around it, when he opened them again a light blue gemstone had taken its place.

"He makes rocks boring," Remus said, laughing. Roman let out an annoyed huff before fixing the gem into a silver necklace and clasping it around Patton's neck.

"Logan Mercedes," said the boy next to Roman, he had fluffy brown hair that seemed pushed to one side of his head.

"I can breath underwater and see in the dark," Logan said before turning to the boy next to him.

"This is my boyfriend, Virgil," Logan said, moving a lock of vibrant purple hair out of Virgil's face.

"Do you want to show him?" Logan whispered to Virgil, who was fidgeting with his hoodie strings. Virgil gave a slightly nod and Logan pulled a rope out from his belt, wrapping it around Virgil's waist. Virgil bent down to unlock what seemed like iron boots fastened to his legs. The moment he'd stepped out from the shoes, the boy was a few feet above the ground, Logan holding the rope with one hand and Virgil's hand with the other. Logan helped Virgil back into the boots, fastening them back up before he took off the rope and placed it back on his belt.

"Virgil doesnt talk much," Remus said simply before turning to a boy with a large scar on his face. His skin was a dark brown, which made with yellow eyes stand out all the more obviously.

"Janus Allen, I can talk to animals," he said simply, bowing slightly and placing a kiss on Patton's hand, Patton noticed Remus shift slightly and let out a soft giggle.

"Remy Hypnos, and this is my little brother Emile," said the boy next to Janus, his skin was a lighter brown than Janus', and he was wearing sunglasses despite it not being very sunny out.

"Hes like medusa, and I can move stuff with my brain," Emile said, fidgeting with the bow in his hair.

"Well now that you've met all of us, welcome to the loner squad Patton," said Remus, clapping a hand on Patton's back with a grin. Patton thought he might enjoy it here much more than he'd first expected to.

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Tag List:

@nerosdayinhell

@meowthefluffy

@thecolorfulolive

@thefivecalls

@melodiread

@spooky-scary-virgil

@youtuberswithalex

@boobmaster69

@januses-nap-corner

#cori writes #long post #peculiars au #ts patton #ts logan #ts remus #ts virgil #ts sides #ts roman #ts janus #ts emile #ts remy #deintruality #romantic deintruality #rosleep #romantic rosleep #analogical #romantic analogical #hera sable

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schleierkauz · 4 years

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The Color of Revenge: Chapter 4

Me: “This story is sooo interesting! Maybe we get to meet one of the witches next? Maybe a chapter from Roxane’s perspective? Maybe some insight into what exactly the Prince is up to? Maybe -” Cornelia Funke: “Anyway here’s Ironstone.”

(This is also your reminder to definitely listen to the official version once we get it because this chapter kinda kicked my ass. If any part of this just straight up makes no sense pls tell me. Enjoy!)

Chapter 4: An unpleasant Companion

Of course Ironstone had lied about his master. Orpheus was very much alive and healthy, aside from his chronically sensitive stomach and flights of migraine, which only served as an excuse to spend hours in bed. Meanwhile Rudolph washed his clothes, cooked, scrubbed the floors and worked himself to the bone with a thousand other tasks.

Orpheus had ordered him to visit Elinor. He had given very specific instructions regarding the order in which they were supposed to visit his old foes. Ironstone was almost done. Only Farid was still missing since he wasn’t in Ombra. He had hidden one of the wooden sticks that Orpheus had given him in the belongings of all the other people he’d visited – under the bed, inside of bags, shoes or clothes.

“What are those for?“ he’d asked as Orpheus had counted the small wooden sticks into the leather bag that had been strapped to Ironstone’s back like a backpack. “Do you want me to try my hand at arson? That’s hardly a good way to kill the Fire-Dancer.”

“It’s none of your concern what those sticks are for,“ Orpheus had answered with his usual air of importance. “Maybe they’ll catch you while you hide them and I don’t want you to be able to reveal my plan.”

Unsettling – but so far no one had caught him. And Ironstone was determined to keep it that way. Orpheus had impressed it upon him that the sticks had to stay with the person they were meant for for two nights. Under no circumstances were they to be discovered before then. So Ironstone had tried his best to find good hiding places. Orpheus could turn very nasty if his orders weren’t followed exactly as he wanted. He had almost drowned Ironstone in his ink once and a few times the glass man had had to visit the glazier for broken off limbs. Not to mention that fit of rage during which his master had chased him through his shabby chambers with a hammer. No glazier would have been able to fix that damage.

Ironstone couldn’t have explained why he stayed with Orpheus despite all of it. Maybe because it was nice to work for a master who was even more devious than he himself.

“Two nights, then you go to collect them again and give them to Baldassare so he can deliver them to their final recipient.”

Baldassare. The man on whose shoulder he’d travelled from Tyrola to Ombra was just as evil, devious and unprincipled as Orpheus himself. He would’ve sold him to the men who fed glass men to fighting dogs in order to sharpen their teeth had Orpheus not made it very clear that he needed Ironstone back unharmed.

Baldassare Renaldesci liked to brag that he’d been a master thief since his fifth birthday and since his eleventh also a very gifted murderer. He claimed to have sent over a hundred men and women to the afterlife – a place that was, according to him, similar to a giant pub, which meant he really just did his victims a favor. The wooden casket in which he kept buttons and belt buckles, cut from the clothes of his victims, was filled to the brim.

“It helps me to remember how many there were,“ he’d explained to Ironstone, obvious pride in his voice. “Most people have no idea how hard it is to kill a grown man and how fiercely some try to defend themselves.”

The casket also contained two gold teeth (Ironstone was grateful that Baldassare didn’t mention where they’d come from) – and a glass eye that was supposed to protect him from the evil eye.

Baldassare’s eyes were brown like those of a cow and most of the time they seemed so dull and disinterested that one might have mistaken them for glass as well.

But appearances could be deceiving.

Baldassare’s cow eyes didn’t miss anything, which made his claim that he’d once been a spy for the duke of Milan at least a little bit more believable.

Anyway – he didn’t bathe often enough, he liked lousy lodgings where the rats were bigger than Ironstone and he loved cheap prostitutes who thought glass men were adorable little pets. Plus, he enjoyed fighting, was constantly high on cheap wine, elf dust and cinderella lentils and wrote bad verses to worse melodies which he considered to be an expression of his untamable genius. To make it short: Ironstone was counting the days until they finished Orpheus’ tasks and he could get off of Baldassare’s filthy shoulder.

At least the weather was a lot more pleasant in Ombra than it was in Bruneck – and there were glass women. And a lot of troubadours and rich merchants who needed glass men. There had been moments when Ironstone had seriously considered not going back to Orpheus. But he had gotten used to him and his black heart. And it wouldn’t be easy to find another master who was so thoroughly supportive of his desires to do evil.

The abandoned house that Baldassare had claimed as their home still had the sign of the Black Death painted on the brittle door, even though it had been 20 years since the plague ravaged Ombra. The empty rooms behind it smelled like mold and rat dung and the glassless windows let in every biting smell that came from the dye baths of the tanners nearby. Flayed skin… Quite appropriate. Orpheus probably had something similar in mind for those who had foiled his plans, even though he kept the specifics a secret.

Baldassare was snoring on a bearskin he’d stolen from the tanners, his fingers white with elf dust. He was a tall, strong man who wore the blurred remains of past beauty on his puffy face. His black hair was a little too black (he dyed it with the foul-smelling liquid the tanners used for their skins) and you could always deduct his last meal by looking at his clothes.

Ah, the world was so unfair! Baldassare would receive a bag of gold for his services while Orpheus’ own loyal (well… somewhat loyal) glass man had to content himself with dry bread, hard cheese and sour wine.

Ironstone tiptoed closer to Baldassare’s sleeping form and pushed his tiny hand into the bag tied to his belt. Ah yes… A few coins were still in there. Surely he wouldn‘t miss just one. Judging by how he wrote down his verses, his skills for counting probably weren’t much better than his spelling. But Ironstone had only just closed his hand around the coin when dirty fingers grabbed him.

“And what do you think you’re doing there, Shard Head?” Baldassare slurred and held Ironstone up in front of his bloodshot eyes. His voice sounded like oil. Warm, rancid oil.

“Should I sell you to one of the travelling merchants who export glass men to Persia and Mauritania, where they have you fight snakes and scorpions? I hear there’s a great demand. Because there’s usual nothing left of your kind but a few splinters.”

Oh yes. Baldassare Renaldesci had a black heart. Maybe it was even darker than that of Orpheus. Ironstone knew that there were a few things Orpheus valued in this world. But he had yet to find anything that inspired such feelings in Baldassare. Except maybe himself, louses and all. And his bad verses.

“I haven’t had a proper meal since yesterday!“ Ironstone shrieked. “I have a right to at least one meal a day! And the sun is already setting!”

“It is?“ Baldassare scratched his paunch and struggled to get on his feet. ”Damn. The Black Prince is holding an audience for all troubadours who want to join him. I want to recite one of my verses.”

“Your verses? You have something else to deliver him, did you forget that?“

They had split Orpheus‘ list up between the two of them. The dead-and-buried-list, as Ironstone liked to call it. Of course Baldassare had made sure that he only had to deal with six of the 14 names on it. His argument had been that Dustfinger, the Black Prince and the young firebug were far more dangerous tasks than the bookworm woman or the old Inkweaver.

Ridiculous.

After all, the split made the Bluejay and his daughter Ironstone’s responsibility. But Baldassare had just given him a slimy smile and pushed eight of the wooden sticks towards Ironstone.

“Come on, Ire – you attract way less attention than I do“ he’d purred.

Ire, Shard Heard, Pipsqueak, Fog Face (a reference to Ironstone’s foggy gray limbs) – Baldassare had many names for Ironstone and he didn’t like any of them. But he consoled himself with the fact that the nicknames he used for Baldassare were even less flattering.

“Forget? I forget nothing and no one, Shard Head.“ Baldassare pulled the round silver mirror out of his pocket that he treated it with more care than any of his other belongings. “Baldassare,” he murmured as he spat into his hand and smoothed back his dyed hair. “You’re still one handsome devil.”

The silver offered a blurry improvement on reality and the elf dust probably did the rest – there was no other explanation for this judgement. Ironstone was continuously surprised how much vanity hid behind Baldassare’s sleazy appearance. He even owned an ivory comb and a brush for his teeth.

“Oh no, no,“ he said just as Ironstone was about to get comfortable on the bearskin. “You’re coming with me. It looks good when a troubadour has his own glass man.”

Wonderful. Ironstone had been up and about for almost four days and nights to finish his portion of the list.

“The Black Prince doesn’t like me at all!“ he protested when Baldassare grabbed him. “He won’t even want to listen to your verses once he sees me! And then what? Do you want to sacrifice your future fame for Orpheus’ old rivalries?”

Baldassare was usually a very suspicous man but when it came to his stilted verses he believed even excuses as absurd as this one.

“That would be too bad, yes. Ah, va bene, you’re staying here – but get me some new strings for my lute.”

Of course. It wasn’t enough that he tortured the ears of everyone around him with bad verses, he had to follow it up with even worse lute melodies.

“Get them? How?“ Ironstone held his hand out to Baldassare, hoping he would get the hint, but the man just sneered at him.

“How? Steal them!“

Ironstone glanced up to the worryingly fat spider that was lurking in its net under the moist ceiling. He decided to dedicate the rest of the evening not to Baldassare’s or Orpheus’ desires but his own. The street in which Ombras instrument makers worked was south of the tannery streets but Ironstone turned north, towards the seamstresses who made clothes for the wealthier citizens of Ombra… assisted by countless glass women.

(Next chapter)

#cornelia funke #the color of revenge #inkheart #inkworld #look guys it's a new character! sure hope i got his name right jfhgdkhgf #rainer strecker speaks very clearly but some of these italian names.... man #i'm gonna read myself into the inkworld and start a union for rudolph #i only ever post these in the middle of the night maybe i should work on that?#then again #it's only the middle of the night for me #good night everyone #and yes it is ELF dust #not fairy dust #also i want to know what cinderella lentils are #cornelia pls write more about these magical drugs #ly dont look

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pickyperkypenguin · 4 years

Text

some reflections on dying hair with henna (lawsonia inermis)

i’ve had dyed my hair red with henna/lawsonia inermis (sometimes with added amla/emblica officinalis, and jatropha) for four years, since i was about sixteen year old ‘til i was about twenty. somewhere at the two or three year mark i roped up my mother into dying her hair with henna too. so, i’ve been dying my own and then my mother’s hair with herbs for the last ten years every month or two. i feel like i might have the right to talk about it just because i’ve done it so many times and got consistent results

it took me long enough to figure out my perfect recipe, but the amount of misinformation i see on the internet in regards to henna dying process is staggering. i thought, okay, maybe ten years ago it was relatively knew in the polish corner of the world wide web, but now? sure it should be more popular? and okay, i did manage to find some info faster than those years ago (boy, let me tell you it was some google-fu required to get into that information back then, and all was, like, crowd-sourced from experimentally-inclined hair bloggers - a sub-type of beauty bloggers - and wise, old and jaded women who knew henna as chna, because they’ve used it back in the socialist times, when it was still imported from the east, hence the different spelling). but still, it was not much, however, there were some more professional sources involved than cosmetics forums. i’ll check the anglophone side, i thought. sure it should be much better, yeah? no misinfo?

goddamn, was i wrong. like, on one hand it was much better, because you have those amazing sources from especially indian women, for whom it is very much a traditional thing so the technique was perfected for, like, millenia. they know what they’re doing. but - and here comes my surprise - there was much of the same simply wrong bullshit from other sources? and i was like, what the hell, why do you even do that, why do you spread information that is clearly wrong - and you’ve had the chance to cross-reference it with very good sources without learning a whole other language in the process? so, like, why? why do people do that? i do not understand.

*if you are curious and want some unsolicited advice from a person who is not an expert, then, here, have my completely unprofessional opinion that’s based solely on years of experience and observation of dying first never previously dyed hair, and then naturally grey hair, which was (is) also getting regularly permed, because my mother has never left the eighties:

the perfect recipe is this:

add sugar and lemon juice when using pure henna or when you combine it with amla and/or jatropha

don’t use acids when you add indigo/indigofera tinctoria, because it needs alkaline environment. you can add either some black tea or a bit of salt

but do not add that salt, to be honest, because it’s not good for your hair, it dries it out

i’m not sure if adding sugar would be bad when dying with indigo (idk about its acidity level - is this a thing in this case?), but sugar is generally a humectant, and really helps the dye to have a lot smoother consistency.

also, sugar might moisturise your hair, but i’m not entirely sure about that - even if one moisturises hair with something, the hair cuticles (is that the word in english?) should be then closed/smoothed down with something else, oil or silicone, to keep the moisture in? otherwise you’re just preparing your hair to be frizzy as hell, because porosity and different level of humidity in the air is a thing

the consistency of the dye should be adjusted to your own preferences and the thickness of the hair, don’t feel like you have to get that arbitrary greek yogurt thickness. that literally doesn’t matter, it’ll work anyway as long as you cover it and keep it moist. don’t let the dye dry, you might get uneven patches of colour. keep it covered with plastic wrap and put a towel on, herbal dyes like warmth to develop properly

speaking of warmth - about 80 C for henna, no more than 40-50 for indigo, maybe even less, around 30 C. never want the dye to be boiled

what also matters is not adding oil to the mixture. it will hinder the dying process. so, no fatty yogurt, no coconut oil. you can do it after, at least a day or two (for indigo at least two, maybe even three) days after

honey will not 'clog’ anything, i have no idea where did it come from. it’s not a fat, it shouldn’t do anything except for the same thing that sugar does

idk, you may add honey instead of sugar if you’re feeling extra, but no, it will not make the shade any different (i’ve seen stuff like adding honey will give you that honey-blond lustre. it will not. cassia might, for grey and very fair blonde hair. but won’t change much when you’re using something much stronger, like henna). and if you think it will give you some health benefits? i mean, i do think honey is healthy for you, but i very much prefer to eat it, simply as that

i have no idea how does that work, if it builds into your hair, if there is some magic with herbal proteins and hair proteins, but herbal dyes, henna especially, thickens your hair. which is marvellous. i believe that ridiculous statement only because i happened to be gross that one time and lost a hairbrush before i managed to clean it, and it was just after my first two or three henna dyes. i found that brush four years later, after consistent dying every single month, and i compared my hair from the brush with the ones in my head - and the ones on my head, despite comparing the very ends - you know, easily reachable when you have hair reaching your butt - and the ends of hair that long are thinner and split in my case - were still thicker (almost twice as thick!) as those from the brush. it was fucking wild

it builds up and darkens overtime, so your ends might be darker than your roots, if you dye the whole thing, as i did

i never dyed with indigo, but relaying on second-hand experience - if you have hair on the lighter side, do the two-step process and pre-dye with henna first. if you don’t, the blue of the indigo and the yellow that your hair contains combine, and you might end up with something green-ish on your head

although, you know, that’s basic colour theory, i don’t know what people expect when they do that and then act surprised - herbal dyes only cover what is already there, they don’t bleach or strip your natural colour before. that’s why henna ends up very bright on bleached or grey hair and yes, you should very much do the two-step thing, if you want your grey hair black not green

also, never understood what’s so wrong with green hair. go and be that nymph, live your true forest god life, eff society

a quick guide for colours:

henna - pure red

henna+jatropha - fox-red, as in warm, yellow-ish, brassy, beautiful for skin with warm and olive undertones

henna+amla - red but cooler, not exactly a cherry, but much different shade than pure henna or h+j, awesome for cooler and neutral skin tones

henna+amla+jatropha - idk what you’re trynna do, mate, but it’ll be somewhere in the red region, depends on proportions

henna+indigo - depending on proportions, anywhere from cooler brown to dark red-ish brown

indigo - black with blue-ish tinge, on lighter hair should be used on pre-dyed with henna hair

cassia - might give you warm, blonde-ish shade on grey or very fair hair, might do absolutely nothing, you can add it to henna mixes to ensure the warm tone

#henna #henna hair #henna treatement #whatever life #i tried to do the kristen stewart in underwater it did not work out #that's what sparked this whole rant anyway #first i dyed with theoretically platinum blonde chemical dye #which got my hair somewhere around ginger #then i decided to bleach it which got me the classic easter chick #then i thought of toning it but only had an old plum toner #which brought it to lilac #i was not happy because it got uneven - in some places more pink in some more blue #which - like - predictable - already had that experience #so i thought oh maybe i can bleach it the second time all those people who are dying white are doing this #yeah lady they do *before* the toner #and yeah it has got me - you guessed it - the famous green #not a very bad kind of green slightly blue-ish rather pastel #i guess some people probs dye it like this on purpose #but on me this shade looks horrible and i would keep it only if i had a turquoise toner on hand #i did not and so it came to henna #it's currently on my hair and i swear i have no idea what will happen when i take it off and if it will even work #if not well i have about a centimetre of hair on my head i can get it to zero or two milimetres

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despairdiseases · 4 years

Text

When you walk away (Nothing more to say)

chapter 6 - literally just a bleaching hair tutorial

trigger warnings: sympathetic Remus and Deceit, a spider, hair bleaching, swearing, implied bad childhood? (let me know if I missed something)

summary: Virgil helps Remus finally do something with that bird's nest he calls hair and oops angst happens

A few sharp knocks sounded the window. Virgil looked up from his laptop, widening his eyes at the figure behind the glass, which waved him. Virgil rolled his eyes and took off his headphone, walking over to the window and opening it, letting Remus in.

'Why didn't you just walk through the front door?', Virgil questioned.

"Eh, this is more fun," Remus shrugged, looking around the room. He stopped and squealed when he saw the terrarium where Susan was, making a web. He went closer to the terrarium, cooing at the tarantula. Virgil raised an eyebrow, smiling softly. Remus turned his head to look at him, "Sorry not sorry, Susie is just too cute to resist."

Virgil opened his mouth to question the nickname but found himself unable to speak. Oh, of course, how could he forget. He looked away from a second before shaking it off, signing to Remus, 'True'. He crossed his arms and walked closer to Remus.

Remus straightened himself, "So, why am I here again? You wanna hook up or somethin'?"

The taller rolled his eyes, suppressing a smile. He walked over to a table where his computer was, along with other things such as empty glasses or crumbled paper. Virgil picked up a box of powdered hair bleach and waved it at Remus.

Remus widened his eyes a little, but the expression soon changed into an intrigued one, "Oh? What are you gonna do? Bleach my pubes?"

Virgil tried so hard to not throw the box at him, he really did. But he didn't entirely trust himself so instead, he put it down, he needed those hands to sign anyways, 'You always complain about wanting to dye your hair'.

"And you know how to do it?"

Virgil gestured to his black hair with purple in it.

"Touché. So are we gonna do it now, or?" Remus smirked slightly as Virgil nodded, picking up the box and walking out of his room. Remus waited for him for a few seconds, before Virgil stuck his head back into the room and gestured for him to follow. Virgil led him into a bathroom with a big mirror above the sink. There was a chair placed in front of it, which Virgil led him to sit on. He watched as Virgil placed the bleach on the edge of the sink and went to grab some other things from the cabinet next to the door. On the sink, he placed a "developer" from what Remus read on the label, whatever-the-hell that was, a mixing bowl and a mixing brush. He gestured for Remus to stay as he went out of the bathroom, presumingly to find other things he needed, and who was Remus to argue, he never bleached his hair before.

It wasn't long before Virgil returned, this time with rubber gloves on and carrying a measuring spoon and tin foil, setting the foil down. He opened the bleach and scooped a spoonful of it, pouring it into the mixing bowl. He set the spoon down and poured the developer into the bowl, mixing it together with a mixing brush. Remus watched all of it in the mirror, "You, uh, you sure you know what you're doing?" Virgil made eye contact with him through the mirror. He smiled at Remus, nodding. Remus nodded back, feeling more sure, "Okay."

Virgil put the mixing bowl down to sign, 'Where do you want to bleach it?

"Uh, I dunno..." he touched the tips of his hair softly, thinking, "Maybe my tips?"

'Are you sure?'

Remus nodded, "Yes I'm fucking sure. Aren't you the one who came up with this in the first place?"

Virgil rolled his eyes and walked in front of Remus, taking the brush and dipping it in the bowl. He took the tin foil and ripped a piece off. He took Remus' hand, at which the man in question flinched, and guided it to hold a chunk of his hair mashed into a bun on top of his head. Remus felt strangely sad when Virgil took his hand off of his, taking a chunk of the hair on his back and laying it against a piece of tin foil. He began adding the bleach onto the tips, bleaching roughly four or five inches but focusing mainly on the bottom. Remus soon found the strange feeling replaced with the thrill of doing something new. The process was repeated around eight more times before the bottom layer of the hair was covered in tin foil. Of course, Remus' arm began to hurt, "Are you done yet?" he whined.

Virgil shook his head absent-mindedly, finishing the last piece of hair that remained. Finally, Virgil wrapped the last of the bottom hair and gave Remus a thumbs up in the mirror. Remus let his hair fall down with a relief filled sigh, shaking his hand, "Shit, you have no idea how fucking hurt can you get by not doing anything."

Virgil let out a breathy laugh, though making almost no sound. Remus found it weird at first, like someone put a tv on mute, but eventually got used to it. At least now he didn't stare at Virgil when he laughed, Remus didn't even stare because he found him weird he just liked looking at Virgil laughing, as it didn't happen very often.

Remus took one of the foils into his hand, "So, how long 'til I get these off?"

Virgil looked up in thought, 'About forty minutes,' at that, Remus groaned. Virgil raised an eyebrow, 'What did you expect? 2 minutes?'

Remus looked away, "I mean yeah, kinda."

Virgil facepalmed. Remus laughed at the action, standing up, "So, is Picani here? I haven't seen him. What did you do? Did you kill him?"

Virgil shook his head as if it was a serious question, 'It's parent-teacher conference today, remember?'

Remus snorted, "Oh, yeah, shit. Mom's gonna be pissed as fuck. I mean, she's always pissed after parent-teachers, so..." he trailed off, looking up at Virgil.

'What do you wanna do now?', Virgil signed awkwardly.

The shorter shrugged, "I dunno, man, it's your house, you choose...or should I?"

'Please don't,'Virgil seemed to think for a minute, ignoring Remus' chuckling, 'Have you watched Zombieland?'

"No, what's that?"

Virgil widened his eyes, 'Are you serious?'

Remus pouted, "Yeah, what is it? Is it some kind of porn?"

The taller rolled his eyes, taking Remus by the hand and leading him to the living room. The strange feeling Remus had before had returned, somewhere in the back of his mind the word he was searching for to describe it, but Remus couldn't reach it. His chest felt tighter than usual, almost like Virgil was squeezing it. What was this feeling, Remus didn't know, but guesses it had something to do with the fact that he didn't eat anything all day. Yeah, now that he thought about it, he was really hungry. Dee would probably lecture him about his eating habits if he was here.

Virgil seated Remus on the couch in the living room, going to look through the stack of DVDs next to the tv. He finally settled on one, which Remus assumed was the one he and Virgil talked about a moment ago. He placed in on the DVD player under the tv, then got up and walked into the kitchen. Remus used that time to look around the room. It was...very neutral, if Remus had to be nice about it. But he didn't have to, so it was pretty fucking boring. The wallpaper was light beige. The couch was beige. The carpet was beige. Remus started to hate beige. At least the floor was dark brown. He noticed a few photographs on the wall next to the big wooden bookshelf. It had mostly Picani and Virgil in it, but one photograph stood out. It was of what Remus assumed was a young Picani, maybe around 15? He's poking his tongue out, along with some brown-haired woman. Remus walked closer to the photograph to take a good look at her. She was pale, very much like Virgil. Her curly hair was going past her shoulders, stopping shortly below. Her icy blue eyes were the same colour as one of Virgil's eyes. Behind the hair, Remus noticed a patch of skin darker than the rest, going up to her jaw.

Slam.

Virgil yanked the photo off the wall, walking over to the trash can and dropping it in harshly. He turned to go back to the kitchen, a kitchen pass-through making it possible for Remus to still see him.

"I uh, I- I'm sorry."

Virgil didn't reach, his expression shifting from irritated to neutral. He drank the water he poured himself.

Remus looked at the empty spot in the middle of the wall, "Look, dude, I didn't know...whatever the hell the business with that chick you have. Like, I guess it's Picani's wife or some-"

"Stop."

Remus widened his eyes at the quiet brittle voice, just on the edge of his hearing, obviously sore from not speaking for a long time. Virgil seemed to be the second to realize, widening his eyes before shaking it off.

He reached into the freezer and pulled out two tubs of strawberry and mint ice cream. Remus didn't bring up the obvious elephant in the room, instead forcing on a smile and walking over to grab two spoons from the dishware drawer. It wasn't long before the two were settled on the couch under a blanket, leaning against each other while eating ice cream. Virgil was silent, as always. Remus made comments through the whole movie, well, not whole obviously, he didn't want his precious hair to fry off.

He shoved the spoon full of ice cream into his mouth, "Shit, bro, Wichita and Little Rock really did that. We stan illegal queens," Virgil tapped his shoulder, "What'cha want, emo?" the man in question pointed to his foil-wrapped hair, "Oh, right, I forgot."

He set the tub down and went to the bathroom, waiting for Virgil to follow, but instead was met with signing, 'You can wash it yourself,' at which Remus raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, sure, okay," he hesitantly walked to the bathroom, glancing at Virgil before shutting the door.

Virgil sighed heavily, leaning against the sofa. He put hands on his face. At least he avoided more awkwardness. Emile is gonna be back soon, just a...what's the time again? Virgil checked his phone, good, just a few minutes now. Just a few minutes of awkwardly sitting through the movie until Emile comes home. Just a few minutes. Virgil didn't notice the water stopped running.

"Well, how do I look?"

Virgil glanced at Remus leaning against the door frame, hair still wet even though Remus had a damp towel in his hand. The tips of his hair bleached, blending together nicely with his naturally dark brown hair. Maybe Virgil was biased because he did that, but it looked beautiful on him, even with the wet hair. Virgil gave Remus thumbs up, smiling tensely.

"Damn right, I look so fuckable!" Remus looked in the mirror in the hallway proudly and Virgil couldn't help but let out a soundless laugh.

#when you walk away (nothing more to say)#sympathetic remus #remus sanders #virgil sanders #analodemus #dukexiety #vimus #slow burn

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spacegaywritings · 4 years

Text

Communication of Silence - Chapter 12 “Spi(c)es 2″

Summary: Virgil runs into Patton at therapy. Turns out Patton, Virgil and Picani all know one another.

Tags: therapy, panic, anxiety, grounding techniques, a lot of stress for Virgil, miscommunication, apologies, soft logan, supportive patton, coffee mention, skin picking, fidgeting

ao3: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 12,5 / 13 / 14 + Tumblr: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 12,5 / 13 / 14 +

My KoFi - Support me ♥ or Commission me

Story under the cut (Word count ~6k):

Virgil carefully stepped out of the room, legs a bit shaky and heart light.

Their mind was still trying to wrap around the that leaving this room was akin the world of hope and falling back into the pits of darkness. Knowledge a dagger in their hand to cut through every tendril of doubt and mishap that attempted to pull them into the abyss of despair once more.

Sometimes, talking was harder than they liked it to be but at least it was over. It equipped them with the right tools to figure themself out, to make life in the darkness better. At some point, they would find their light and banish every and all lingering piece of threatening shadows.

Admittedly, they did feel better. Their body was just shook from all the feelings and shit. Battling your demons was a chore but winning them over was a privilege of knowing how to. Sometimes trial and error was enough.

Sometimes, people needed to dip into the confidentiality of a professional to master the art of negotiating peace with oneself.

Stupid feelings.

Life was already hard enough.

Living with toxic thinking was unnecessarily exhaustive. It felt like an extra punishment after every hardship people went through.

From all they knew, it was worth it.

Going out, hands free and heart open was a blessing. Exploring the outside with an objective vision instead of spiking darkness at any corner of their mind.. it was.. it was a relief.

Work came with it, sure, but what in life didn't come without a price? Virgil had already decided that therapy was annoying. But it was annoying and absolutely worth it.

Ever time they stepped out of the care of their therapist, they knew their world was painted in new colours. Every time they opened their eyes to see new kindness and be surprised by a sudden brightness around them, they felt affirmed in their decision to stick with it and fight the battle of his own absurd thinking.

The student ran their hands through purple hair and sighed once more.

It was over.

It was helpful.

They had done all that had been asked from them.

Their shoulders were lighter and, as usual, life seemed a bit kinder than before.

On top of that...

A realisation nudged them and a smile appeared on their face.

Dee!

Within a split second, they already took their phone out and unlocked the screen with swift movements. Their eyes barely looked at the password as their fingers confirmed it and immediately clicked the messenger icon to contact Dee.

By now, she should be done with work. Or at least soon. They shot a quick message to her. Just to make sure she was informed.

*Conversation between Dee♥ and you.*

Today.

You, 3.51pm: Did your stupid therapy. Happy?

(sent)

“Oh, Virgil. What on earth are you doing here?”

A voice of genuine surprise banged against heir head and ripped them out of his comfortable thought bubble of being together with Dee by the next day.

For now, the dream was squished back onto the bench. With drops of disappointment souring their mind for the moment.

Instead, they were met with the rather neutral and beige office in which people were received for therapy.

Reality.

Before them, the familiar sigh of a certain walking hug made their spiking heartbeat calm down and refrain from thumping up their throat.

“P-patton?”, they asked in a small voice, their question coming out as a startled squeaking more than anything at this point.

They sounded unusually quiet and insecure compared to how Patton perceived them during the last days. It reminded him an odd amount of when they had met for the first time and Virgil had resembled a scared, abandoned kitten in the streets that was met with a stranger’s warm hands for the first time.

Virgil swallowed their dumb question away and shrugged the obvious answer into their conversation.

“I, u.. I could ask you the same. You came for an appointment?”

Patton chuckled and shook his head, his ginger candy strands of hair flying wildly and eventually nestling against his pale skin once more.

He looked like a little pastel prince of the kindness and forgiveness kingdom.

“Aw, no kiddo. I do not go to therapy, I am learning how to provide for other people. I am working with Dr. Picani for my master’s thesis. I only came by to drop something for him at the reception.”

As if on cue, the leading therapist in question stormed out of his office and waved at Patton. If Emile had been a life guard this would have meant the worst of all cases. But what did frantic waving stand for at the therapist's?

“Patton, wait a min-”

His outcry was interrupted as he finally made his way over to the two talking students. Apparently, his mind took a while to comprehend the view before him as well as the fact that he was still in the middle of a sentence.

“Oh Virgil, how come you are here today?”

The emphasis on the last word was the core of his question.

There was no wonder about them being there at all.

Virgil shuffled their shoes and looked down to be met with the sight of one green and one purple shoe. The green one had leaves and bamboo sticks drawn all over it in a darker shade of green - much like the forest's rich leaves during midsummer. The purple one had a little galaxy-like image on the inside of where their ankle should be. Rain showers of white suns and blue glimmers adorned the little piece of space.

They had drawn it on their own after dyeing their godforsaken, old-as-balls shoes. Kyle had inspired them to fix them up with some nifty drawings. Now they looked admirably special and were worth being desired greatly.

“Emergency session”, they said, shrugging, “I am all good, now. Promise, Em.”

They did not realise the slight frown weighing Patton’s candybrows down just the slightest bit. Within just a moment, the shadow of doubt was gone and he decided to take the lead of the conversation.

The confusion still left an imprint on the back of his mind. He had never heard anyone talk so intimately to Emile. It was not his business but a part of him wondered, how Virgil and Picani knew each other.

Curiosity was indeed a human vice.

But.. pet names like this were usually not exactly a therapy-client relationship.

Not his business, he reminded himself with waning patience.

“Anyway, what did you want from me? I can be right on my way and let you two catch up after you told me.”

Emile’s face lightened up in realisation and he revealed a rather familiar sports bag Virgil had seen on him before. It was Patton’s and he had seen him return from his night shifts with this.

Did he have another shift right now? All the more reason to consider Ri's offer.

“You forgot your bag when you dropped your scripts over here. Thank you for not being cranky about me being so busy - I was just on a call right now and couldn't delay it. ”

It was Virgil’s turn to move their face, one single eyebrow arching up for just a moment.

Emile evidently avoided looking at them as he spoke these words. That bastard totally hid something.

A call.. hmm.

Patton noticed the change with a little pat to his heart but he took a deep breath to shift his attention back to the topic at hand.

It wasn't his business, no matter how tempting and curious it seemed to be. If any of them wanted to talk, they would decide that. Not he.

“Ah, yes. Thank you so much. I was on the way home now. Virgil, do you want me to wait for you and take you with me?”

Oh holy fucking shit.

Virgil bit their lip and looked at the tallest of the three, an undefinable tension in their eyes. Not once before had Patton seen a look of trouble like that before. Not from the usually either shy and cautious kitten or the straight up fierce tiger that was the smaller punk.

“I-...”

Their mouth simply stood open and they blinked at Patton as if he had just asked them to choose between two of his dearest friends - one would be lost forever and never to be met or befriended again, while the other one was ensured to stay around by force of magic and the supernatural law of weird situations and horrible choices forced onto people.

No one would take a decision as that lightly.

The small student just shrugged but before they could even open their mouth to speak up again, Emile was audibly gasping.

“No way, you two are living together! This is amazing! I never knew! Look at you two making a great duo! I bet you are getting along so well!”

At once, a warmth settled on Patton’s face and his head moved to a nod while Virgil shrugged and stole a single glance at the giant.

Their cheeks grew warm and redder.

“Guess‘s not so bad”

Virgil grimaced but the soft laugh from Patton and affirming “you are lovely to cook with”, let their lips move from awkward grin to a genuine, lop-sided smile.

The doctor in pastel pink and beige brown was producing an air of warmth.

“I am sure you are a team, better than Jessie and James!"

Patton gave the comment a little chuckle and Virgil shook their head yet a smile was still visible on their face.

They would never be able to deny just how much they relished in the simplicity of these jokes making any situation less awkward. If it was not for any other person, Virgil knew that the ginger giant from candyland was definitely the person at fault for them enjoying stupid puns so much.

He just strategically used them so well in any situation. It was like the right tool to disarm any bomb about to explode and he did it without breaking a sweat.

Emile was just silly - a little less cunning and definitely more upfront about negative vibes.

Maybe it was because he was older and knew to address certain issues. Perhaps Patton just wanted to keep peace?

They were overthinking.

They had to stop.

Now.

Before Virgil could go on a mental rant to yell at themself for still ruminating over it and possibly kicking themself into disliking Patton, an all-too familiar sound came up. The sound that appeared whenever “Law and Order” switched between scenes or skipped time or anything.

Virgil jolted a bit but reacted fast.

“Holy snowflake, this was sudden”, Patton exclaimed with little breath left in his lungs and an assuring hand over his heart to calm his nerves.

The sound had been quite loud and he felt like he had heart it before.

All the while, a grin was spread all over Virgil’s face and the awkward student forgot about their thoughts and worries for a bit. Even the current situation and conundrum seemed to have disappeared.

They typed away fast, a little mumble escaping their curved lips without them noticing.

*Conversation between Dee♥ and you.*

Today.

You, 3.51pm: Did your stupid therapy. Happy?

(sent)

Dee♥, 4.00 pm: I am killing it and I sincerely hope you did too. *snake emoji* *smirk emoji*

Dee♥, 4.00 pm: Anyway, how are you holding up darling? Did the cartoon enthusiast catch you in time?

You, 4.00 pm: Next to him.

You, 4.01 pm: Patton is here. Fucking kill me.

You, 4.01 pm: He asked to bring me home but I thought about going to Ri. Em could easily take me.

(sent)

The response was a quick “yikes” but his attention was drawn back into the conversation before they got to message back.

The phone was rattling with another sudden sound but Virgil took the second flinch from Patton and turned off the sound.

“Sorry”

Emile shook his head quickly, a little smile painting his patient features and Virgil felt already hugged and pleasantly scolded like from a caring parent.

It was an odd feeling.

“Remember to not apologise for yourself. You had your reasons to reply. I hope she is doing well - I assume it is the loyal Sapphire to your own Ruby self.”

Patton’s spirits returned. His freckled face was beaming and he quickly hugged his bag against himself.

“Aw, how adorable! I never thought of you in this way! Emile, how dare you give me this gem of feelings”

He winked and Emile winked back.

OOF.

Virgil’s groan could be heard in the far distance of edgy teenager land while the adults were giggling at one another like little schoolgirls. It was oddly adorable.

Seeing Patton laughing was another level of comforting.

“Uh, yeah.. talking about gem and shit”

Wow, what a horrible start Virgil - wait. No. It was an okay start. Just a start. They would not mind and if they did, who cared. It was just a st- just a sentence.

Yeah.

“I might get my gem ass over to Ri and sleepover because, uh, yeah. I think he would be happy to have me around tonight.”

Virgil looked down at their shoes and shrugged. A part of their mind was still wildly roaring and telling them that this was a horrible sentence and how Patton would hate them now and despise them for everything.

And Emile? Maybe he would be jealous or get upset at them upsetting Patt-

No. No

Stupid thoughts.

Bullshit thoughts.

They went to therapy to not have any of these thoughts anymore.

It was bullshit, anxiety was just being some overdramatic shit and it was a help to nobody so it was time to fucking stop the fuck now.

They shrugged again and looked to the side before back at Patton.

“Sor- I mean.. thank, uh.. thanks for offering a ride but I think I will go to my family and make sure they know I am okay and shit. I uh... they worry, you know.”

Virgil offered a little smile. The pang of guilt jotted into their mouth and made it harder to smile but the lips stayed into position despite their little trembles and struggles to stay still.

With a the eyes of a man who mirrored Virgil, Patton nodded at the remark.

“I am glad to hear they care about you and.. and that you care about them, kiddo. I am sure they will be happy to have you around”, he started and stopped for a moment, his lips rolling together and his tongue parting them as if to spread the taste of his upcoming words on them.

He was contemplating about whether or not he should let them go beyond his tongue.

After a small pause, the decision was made.

“You don’t have to be scared of being with us. I am happy to see you and I honestly think Logan couldn’t be happier but to have found a friend like you.”

Virgil looked at him, wide-eyed.

Shock short-circuited their brain and ruled over their reason for long enough to override the anxious filter that would usually prevent words like that to pass his lips.

“You- you mean you are notmadwearefriends?”

The emo stepped closer to Emile and reached out for him, only to be gladly received by his welcoming chest and arms.

Patton blinked back, pressing his tongue against his gums to swallow his amusement at how absurd the other sounded. It was much better than to succumb to the bitter after-taste of an idea about why the other was so concerned. Instead, he helped himself and his smaller friend to the truce of another peaceful smile.

A smile so outwardly kind and warming, it could only come from a giant that served unexpected kindness instead of crushing dreams and bones.

“Virgil, kiddo, we are friends too. I would never get upset at you over something so silly. I want my friends to be happy and you and Logan are happy together, even if you don’t always fully agree with one another.”

The last part smelled like Logan talking about last night but Virgil stopped themself from boarding the panic train.

Patton wanted them to know it was okay. He was not mad.

They were friends.

Virgil carefully squeezed their arms around Emile for a bit longer. It was almost as if they tried reassuring someone else in order to make convince themself.

Projection, as Emile would call it.

...Actually, Patton would say the same.

Psychology nerds everywhere.

There were also feelings everywhere. They were like bubbles filled with different-coloured things that were fizzy or sizzling or gas-like and so on. Somehow, all these bubbles around Virgil did not feel pressing anymore. They squeezed them in a bit but it was cozy, in a weird way. Warmth and pink was around them.

It was innocent and .. trustworthy.

For once, there were no red flags. Wind glided over the pastel coloured banners of a relationship so novel and refreshing to Virgil.

It was still difficult to see and process.

Maybe one day, they would see these banners and identify them as a welcoming sign of hospitality and open arms. New ones but still arms stretched out to happily receive them.

“thanks...”

They slowly blinked at Patton who returned the little gesture with another soft rise of his lips’ corners.

Emile gently shielded the smaller person and mumbled something to which Virgil nodded again.

Patton accepted being the outside with silent patience like a good professional.

The punk softly rubbed their eyes. Only now, the ginger giant noticed how swollen and reddish they seemed again.

It reminded him of just they day before when they ate together.

He squinted ever so slightly, his eyes focusing on the little detail and eating it up with the information-hungry mind.

His thoughts wanted answers and every bit of piety seemed to feel heavy on Patton’s large form when.

These large bags of darkness under their eyes seemed to hide more than several hours of missing sleep a night. It was nothing new to Patton to consider but it was then, that he realised how tangible the issue was yet how far away at the same time.

“Uh-ehem”

Virgil cleared heir throat and straightened their posture.

“We are pretty much just barricading my therapist, you know”, they remarked with a slightest hint of a backbone in their words once more..

The silver tongue was back and it was sharp and sturdy as always. The sound immediately prompted Emile to react and lead them over to a corner. A heavy weapon in any battle of wits was back in place and ready to strike. Slowly, it sneaked back into the conversation and even the little smirk was blowing itself onto Virgil’s lips.

Lopsided, subtle and feisty.

It really was inappropriate to just stand in the middle of the way. What were the three thinking?

“Uhh.. Anyway, I think I will.. uh.. hitch a hike with you, Em - if that is okay”, they started and shrugged the slight slouch off their shoulders with a deep breath.

At once, the hesitation and doubt seemed banished from the conversation. Virgil looked tall and proud as never before.

Honestly, the ginger student felt surprised by the sudden change.

He would never cease to be surprised by them.

“Aw, sure thing, Virgil! You know, you always have a place by my side if you let me drive...”

Virgil’s eyes widened and Patton felt something tickle him like when your nose tickled before a sneeze. He sensed something.. something good being about to happen.

“..my van into your heart”, Emile finished.

The emo groaned loudly, immediately followed by a loud chuckle from them. Their shoulders slouched a bit and they curled into themself a bit.

“How about you drive yourself back into your work and I am gonna go and get some coffee for bribe”, they offered, “Patton, you coming?”

The two got together and walked to the closest café in comfortable silence. Every now and then Virgil glanced at their phone, fidgeting around and looking more and more before putting it away for a while to repeat the cycle.

Cars rolled down the cold streets and every breath evaporated into small clouds of fog. A few stray pigeons flew away when the dyad closed in on them in their curious search for anything edible.

The sun was already setting and bathing the city in a few rays of warm light. Orange and pink painted the scene but only in the rare areas the bigger buildings could not reach to block the light from.

Virgil’s heavy boots hit the ground with every step while Patton’s own mode of walking mimicked graceful dancing. He was nearly hopping and floating over the dark concrete in the light of dawn. It was a show of beauty to see him.

The two got a cup holder equipped with several cups of coffees and other hot drinks. They walked back but this time, the silence was swallowed by Virgil’s itching concerns. Their fidgeting got more intense and their fingers started picking at one another so much, the punk felt the plead to ask Patton for assistance on their tongue.

It was difficult, near impossible to erratically scratch and pick at something occupied by the deed to hold the cup holder with multiple scalding drinks.

They gave up on the nervous endeavour of deliberate self-harm when they realised the urge to just do it so intensely they would require support of some sort, they became aware of what exactly they were doing.

This had to end.

Despite their fingers tingling to scrape and pick and rip more, they refused to give in. They stopped before the building they had just come out of, Virgil cutting before their friend.

A jumbled bunch of letters flew from their lips in an oddly shushed mumble.

“P-Patt’n?”

They shuffled their feet a bit, looking down at them. If Patton had to draw Virgil, he would draw them in this position: shoulders slouching, gaze averted and skin vibrating in some vigilance of a distance threat.

It justified the name and behaviour Virgil usually displayed.

As they stood there, shifted from one leg to the other, boots squeaking as they were moved and squished together every now and then, Patton got the familiar urge to hug them while Virgil felt the intense wanton to throw themself into his arms. After all, the ginger giant was still a walking “hug me” sign, a fluffy one on top of that.

“Yes, Virgil?”

Patton’s voice was as light as a snowflake as he spoke with the world’s depot of patience in his little response.

It was a verbal touch to Virgil’s curiously fingers. They had taken to tightly grip onto the grey cup holder with one hand on left and right each. Busy thumbs brushed over the rough material and rubbed against it as if to dig for a treasure that did not exist.

“I.. d-do.. do you think, um..”, they started but broke off, lost eyes roaming over the dark concrete. The darkness started creeping into the day and establish the night’s dominance for a few more hours than usual.

“Do you think.. L-Logan is.. is mad at me?”

Glass green eyes grew wide as a pool of darkness shrunk in horror.

“Oh, honey - Virgil! Logan would never!”

He kept himself from saying more, swallowed the indignation. It was time to be composed and be a good friend and not get upset over something irrational. This was Virgil’s anxiety speaking, not their trust or rational mind, it was pure hurt and bad past experience poisoning a good relationship.

“Listen, Logan and I are best friends and he has not once in his life complained about you, not to me, and he tells me everything. He trusts you and you are good for him. He is changing for the better and becoming more open and warm with you around, Virgil, I am not just saying this to make you happy. It really is happening. If he was upset, I am sure he would have asked me for advice or told me something and he did none of that. He asked me how to help you become more comfortable with us without pushing you - really.”

Patton shifted and started to dig into his pocket to pull out a phone and present the referred to chat logs.

Warm brown eyes tentatively glanced over the messages for signal words, for red flags or similar things to warrant as an evidence for their anxiety to prove its point but there was none.

Black on weird whatever colour they were too blown-away to name at this moment showed how wrong their thinking had been once again. Just a stupid anxiety thing again, not even remotely warranted at all.

“Th...thanks”

They pursed their lips up as if to continue but hesitated enough to just go with the flow of not speaking any further, leaving the word awkwardly hang between Patton and him. Bottle green eyes blinked at them, smiling like an encouraging elementary teacher trying to cheer up a child whose drawing had been referred to as “dumb” by some uncultured swines - uh... other children with a bit more hostility.

“I, um..”, they picked up again, eyes casting downwards bnefore blinking and glancing up at him again, “I needed that. Thanks. It is just, um.. stupid anxiety brain and all.. it just makes me dumb again, or like.. I mean, I uh.. I am not dumb or anything but I just believe the dumb anxiety and that sucks but, like, whatever, right? Can’t deny he is, um, like.. I don’t know, .. not hating me or whatever.”

They clawed at the cup holder.

“Patton, j-”

A sudden g-note hit the air, punching a conditioned smile of fight and solidarity into Virgil’s face.

“PA-PattoN, it is-is him! Ah - um”

Confused jumbles of words pushed through their lips.

No sense was made in the process of this reaction.

The ginger did not understand but he readily perked up in interested, nodding.

“It is okay, it is okay. You are safe and he is probably just curious whether you are okay. Breathe in, take a really deep breath - “

Virgil nodded obediently. Their fingers clung to the rough cup holder. The emo’s chest rose a substantial amount before standing still while Patton counted and nodded with nice smiles. They slowly exhaled after a “seven!” and clear nod.

“Give me the cups and take the call, kiddo. I will go and tell Emile you will be ready after the phone call.”

Hasty eyes met him which he returned with a patient nod not even the ideal monk could have provided. Virgil slowly let go of the rough texture, Patton’s gentle tugs reminding them of letting go. Fingers gradually untangled from the cloud-grey piece of recycled trash and forced a tentative nodding movement onto their head.

They could do that. They could do that.

“Welcome to the Black Parade” was still playing and the song was nearly over. They had to take it!

This novel thought struck his mind like actual thunder. At once, fingers dug into their pockets and picked up even before their ear was close enough.

Virgil did not know how Patton knew the song was the personalised ringtone for Logan but they appreciated how exceptionally witty the harmless pastel hulk was. A flick of their wrist goodbye’d Patton while their other hand reached their thirsty ear.

“Hh-heyh!”

Awfuckfuck, no he fucked up - no, they did! Now they fucked up hard enough to even fuck up their own pronouns. What a trash-

“Greetings, Virgil. I hope you are well.”

Ah. Smooth. Calm.

Logan was the epitome of steadiness.

The composed expression and usual greeting gave Virgil a sense of control. They knew what was about to come: small-talk because Logan thought it helped in social relationships, then some talk about work to elaborate on the things they had in common and eventually a random fact he learned that day or something equally surprising and possibly useless. At least it was something that least them unknown as to what to do with the information but it was not bad at all.

To be honest, they looked forward to it. So much even, their anxiety could not influence the smile of relief taking over their rosy lips.

“Totally. What about you? Work sucked ass today?”

“Virgil, work cannot actively do anything, especially not engage in any deed as interactive as acts of adult intimacy -”

“Wow there, pocket protector. Too early a day to give me so many fancy things to listen to. Anyway, how are you doing?”

Their lips were curled up completely by now. It was a full smile, if not already a grin preparing for the obligatory hilarious thing about to happen. Like it was some kind of scripted exchange between them.

With Logan being included, maybe it was.

“I am doing just fine, only wondering about your well-being. Did you get a sufficient quantity and quality of sleep last night?”

Oh. Right to the point. But speaking of it...

“I, uh.. I am sorry. I - I was being a butt, um..”

Virgil touched their clothed elbow of the arm holding the phone. Their fingers scraped and tugged at the fabric. Brushing, pulling, picking. The soothing feeling of a warm jacket covering them and protecting him was barely enough.

4 - 7 - 8, they reminded themself.

A nod.

Yes, do the breathing thing and focus on Logan.

“I am surprised to hear you apologise, Virgil. To be frank, I neither expected nor wanted an apology for overstepping any boundaries. If you are uncomfortable with me asking too many questions, you are more than welcome to “tell me off”.”

A short break.

Insecure breaths in.

Four seconds.

“Is this the right use of this term? I suppose, so. You are also welcome to correct me, if need be. You should know this but I am willing to remind you of my consistency. However, back to the topic.”

Shaky holding back of nervous oxygen. Seven seconds.

“I am not upset with you at all. Rather, I would say I am... concerned. When I started talking about this subject, my primary objective was to work out your issues in order to help you feel more comfortable. I got the .. the feeling you might need more, um, emotional support, if I may say so.”

Painfully slow release of revolting oxygen for eight seconds.

The voice on the other side became more uncoordinated, shooting past any aim. Logan cleared his throat to fill the silence as Virgil silently breathed themself into a greater sense of stability and safety.

“Apologies. I started rambling again and even brought up these uncomfortable topics. All I wanted to convey is that I have a, so to speak, liiiht proposal to make to you. That being said, I might add this proposal does not include any rings or marriage-related preparation rituals. I am just saying this for clarification, not because I suspect you might assume this. I - ... Virgil, are you still there? Am I “talking your ears off”, as Roman says?”

The small punk heard an odd sound from Logan’s side of the line. They blinked at it, a few wrinkles falling into his skin as he frowned in confusion.

“Uh, hey, chill, dude”, their dark voice replied, “I, er, I am fine and all and you don’t have to do anything for me, anyway. It is cool, cool. Really cool. I, um, told you I won’t be home tonight? I have this thing going on, was planned before and all.”

Virgil shrugged into the air for nobody else but uninvolved strangers to see.

“But, um, don’t worry. I am, like, not mad or anything. I am.. glad? Like, I know I was being a bitch but that does not matter. I.. we are both sorry and that is really cool and.. just, ..just re-really thanks for being so nice about that and respect me and this. I just don’t wanna fuck up things and I know I am being sensitive and all. Uh, yeah..”

They scratched the back of their head.

“Any-”

Virgil started at the same time as Logan’s voice pronouncing “So, -” was transmitted to his side of the call.

The punk chuckled silently. A mere moment later, a sigh of relief could be heard. Virgil could have sworn even his hear was sighing with Logan.

“You go first, Log.”

If anyone had been around to see Logan at the bus stop, they would have witnessed a certain sparkling sensation behind his serious glasses as he made out the nickname Virgil added.

“Thank you, Virgil, I appreciate that - appreciate you.”

The words felt so much heavier than they should have been. They were voluminous gem stones on their chest. Prominent and eye-catching whilst sparkling and somewhat enticing with richness and depth of colour.

On the inside, Virgil knew they would wear Logan’s feelings on their chest, face or simply in their heart if the other would just ask them to.

“Do you want to watch the stars with me? Tonight, I mean - say two hours, perhaps. It would just be you and me. I will take the car and get you if need be. Our university’s Astrology Club has a big telescope and great WiFi. I thought you might be interested but if you are pre-occupied, I understand.”

Virgil absorbed the information, inhaling the connection and heartfelt consideration Logan has put into the consideration.

“I-.. Logan, do- do you mean this as, uh.. as a date? Cuz, like, I don’t know if you do but it is cool if you do and I am not pissed or something, just want to know.”

Another odd sound could be heard from the other side but Virgil was too caught up in anticipation to question the nature of the sound or the vibration in Logan’s breath suddenly hitting the microphone.

“If this does not disrupt whatever your nature of relationship you enjoy with Declyn, then I would love to call it a date. With your consent only, of course.”

Virgil’s heart did a leap. They drew in a hasty potion of oxygen as if to drink it up like the tasty juice of love.

“I would love to. Text me the details, I will see about the car thing.”

They hung up and ran up to Emile, taking two steps at a time. Now they had a certain skip to their steps but they also had a certain beat in their heart when they hitched a hike to their sibling in enthusiastic anticipation.

Maybe this day could be great after all.

#sanders sides virgil #virgil sanders #emile sanders #ts emile #emile pacani #Emile Picani #logan sanders #ts logan #ts analogical #FINALLYhiwkjdflrg #joey writes #fanfiction #fanfic #fanficion #ts fanfiction #sanders sides fanfiction #patton sanders #ts patton

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the-redhead-who-writes · 6 years

Text

His True Colours

“We finally get Jack’s green hair back! ...But what do we lose in return?”

Readers beware, you’re in for a scare! ...I’m only kidding. This is just a story idea I’ve been messing with! ‘Cause let’s face it: if Jack ever does dye his hair again, you know he’s gonna make a big deal out of it. So dorks, here’s a late-night spook/theory for you to enjoy!

Links: AO3

It’s been a few weeks since Jack returned from his “How Did We Get Here?” tour, the shows having gone down a smashing success. Those in attendance raved about the theatrics from the natural born showman, with everything from the audience interaction to the special effects working to create an unforgettable performance.

The fans that couldn’t make it to the shows contributed to the hype online, taking to social media and creating a tidal wave of incredible stories, edits, and art. The pieces ranged with everything from fluff to angst, starring Jack and all of the beloved Egos.

Jackieboyman fist bumping Spider-Man; Schneeplestein leering menacingly at the viewer, wielding a needle that definitely wasn’t regulation length; Chase with a variety of flower crowns. The works radiated with the passion and love the community held for both Jack and his characters.

And then, there was Anti.

Cryptic zalgo text littered every fans feed. The familiar lines of "D͏i͞d ̷yo͞u ̵miss̢ me̢?̧” and "You͘ s͢t̢o͝p͟ped pay̕in̛g̢ a͟tt͝eńtio͝ǹ!̡" were eerie reminders of the virus’s ever-lingering presence. The fandom was itching with pent-up fervour, as though Anti had somehow wormed his way under their very skin.

Poems, theories, art; he had it all.

The only difference was something that the untrained eye might not notice.

It was now old news that Jack had dyed his once-green hair back to its natural brown shade after years of the trademark look. And yes, the fans were sad to see it go. Each Ego sported one of Jack’s varying shades of green. It had been around for the creation of Anti, Schneep, Marvin... everyone!

The community moved on though, deciding that even if Jack had his brown hair back, the Egos could still keep their signature shades.

Except for Anti.

After all, Anti was a virus who depended on Jack’s body to survive. He didn’t have his own, so he should share Jack’s traits, right? It might not have made perfect sense, but the community seemed to accept the general idea, as was evident with nearly every piece of Anti art mirroring Jack’s brown hair, with the rest of the Egos staying the same.

No harm done, it was just the fandom taking creative license.

Cut to another morning upload, where Jack has just posted a brand new “SepticArt” video, the theme being art related to the tour or that period of time while he was away.

He’s as upbeat as usual, excitedly chattering away about all of his favourite moments while pouring over dozens of brilliant submissions.

A few minutes into the video, Jack pulls up an edit of Anti on stage at one of his past shows. He makes a remark about its complexity, and how well done it is, before noting the caption at the bottom:

“A little Anti takeover from Jack’s show in Texas! Forgive the blurry edges, kinda new to this style. And tbh, I’m still not used to brown-haired Anti. Looks good, but I miss our green Glitch Boy. Wonder if we’ll get to see him again haha.“

Jack laughs, reflexively running a hand through the front of his messy hair that’s not tucked into his beanie.

“Yeah, I got that question a lot while I was on tour. And I’m not sure; I mean, never say never, but I’m pretty happy with my natural hair. It’s less of a pain in the ass to take care of, that’s for sure.”

His hand lingers in his fringe for just a second more before he thanks the artist and carries on.

This time it’s a Marvin picture; the Magician is skillfully shuffling a deck of playing cards, grinning. His neon green bangs hang messily over his signature cat mask.

Jack points out his love of the bold line use, though he pauses at the hair. His eyes narrow ever so slightly, but his smile is still as bright as ever.

Then there’s a sketch of Chase, who’s excitedly comparing a befuddled JJ to the box art of the Monopoly Man while they try to play said board game.

Jack chuckles, hand going to rub his throat absentmindedly.

A watercolour of Anti from the back, his dark hair a stark contrast silhouetted against the bright green background of a not-so-friendly looking Sam whose teeth glint with moisture.

Jack grips his mouse a bit tighter.

Schneeplestein happily writing a postcard on some tropical beach, lab coat and all, dark green roots visible under his hat.

Jack cracks his neck.

As the video carries on, there’s a distinct tension in the YouTuber: his body twitches imperceptibly; his hands clenching into fists before quickly loosening; he can’t stop touching his throat.

A newcomer to Jack’s channel might write this off as excitement, his energy getting the better of him. The more experienced members of his community, however, begin to feel nervous.

Still, Jack is as taken with his community’s artistic endeavours as always. The smile on his face proves that.

It’s wide, teeth bared for all to see.

The video is almost finished, with Jack coming to the last piece. He once again thanks everyone who participated, saying how he would be nothing without them.

The theorists release a breath.

Everything was fine; just their typical overactive imaginations. Nothing to worry about.

With an eager grin, Jack pulls up the final entry.

It’s a stunning digital drawing of a bathroom mirror taken from the YouTuber’s perspective as he stares at his reflection, clutching a porcelain sink.

It smirks back, smile unnaturally wide. He eyes Jack with a blackened gaze, eagerly assessing him for even a hint of weakness. Blood from several crude, deep cuts in his throat drips down into his shirt collar. The knife responsible lays in the sink, crimson coating the blade.

From the angle, you’d swear it was Anti looking back at himself, sickly pleased with his deranged handiwork. The tell is the gauges and Jack’s lack thereof; the man you’re seeing the perspective from is without them.

Jack stares at the drawing, his gaze transfixed. For a split-second, you think to refresh the video, believing it to have lagged. The music Robin added into the background is gone, and the webcam footage seems frozen...

And then he’s throwing his head back, laughing as he grips his sides.

“That’s a helluva drawing! God, do you see the detail?! Anti looks badass!”

He’s positively giddy, scanning every inch of the artwork with rapt enthusiasm. He begins to say something about the shading as he brings the picture out of fullscreen view. Then his laughter cuts off abruptly, smile tightening. He scrolls down to highlight the artist’s note:

“Those 20 hours were all worth it! Here’s my entry for Jack’s #SepticArt event; I call it “Two-Way Mirror”! I’m really happy with how it turned out, though I was a little worried about how I’d draw the differences for Anti’s reflection. With his brown hair, how can you even tell the two of them apart? 😆 Anyway, hope you guys like it!”

His expression becomes flat. He stares with an unwavering intensity that leaves goosebumps on your skin.

“...The same...?”

Jack mutters the phrase so quietly, it’s almost indecipherable.

“You really think... we’re the same?”

A hollow chuckle spews from his lips, and then it grows into a laugh; high-pitched and cold. In a blur, he slams his fist down onto his desk, and even off-screen, you can hear his keyboarding shattering. His lips are pulled back into a hideous snarl, a grotesque mask of fury.

“I’m nothing like him. N̞͔̤̤̺͖ͅOT̼̱̪̬̹͉H̗͝I̶̲̰̘̠̹N͉͚̖̤̳̻G͓͈̩̣͎̝͞.

The man’s eyes widen fearfully, seemingly at the sound of his own voice. His rage gives way to panic as he falls forward in his seat, clutching his head with a pained groan.

Jack’s body shudders, racked by waves of tremors as his knuckles strain white, nails digging into the arms of his chair. The camera feed is breaking apart, glitching between frames of Jack clawing at his forearms, his neck. His breathing is erratic, mumbles falling from his mouth - desperate, rambling pleas.

Then he’s still.

Too still.

Jack lets out a heavy breath, relieved - no, satisfied - before sitting up slowly. His beanie has been knocked off, his usual fluffy hair on full display.

All eyes are immediately on his neck and - oh... it’s untouched. For a moment, the viewers feel a spike of relief, hearts slamming into their throats. But then Jack opens his eyes, and their blood runs cold.

Black. Darker than any art or edit could even attempt to capture.

He sits back, almost lounging in Jack’s gaming chair, as he takes a deep breath in. Cracking his knuckles, he rolls his neck in a series of jerky moves before closing his eyes again. And in one smooth motion, he runs his hand through the front of Jack’s hair.

His fingers pass through the strands, adjusting the colour as it melts in. The brown lightens to blonde, then grows brighter. The green hue radiates with an unnatural sheen.

Stopping at the fringe, he lowers his hand to reveal the change; familiar, yet not. Wrong.

Anti opens his eyes, a wickedly pleased smirk playing across his lips as he leans toward the camera.

“Are͏ ya͝ ̡f́uck͞i̛n̛’ ̛ha͠p͞py͏ now̶?͝”

He giggles with twisted glee, hair falling into his eyes as he tips his head forward. Then he stops, and looks up through his bangs, glaring into the camera with a ferocity that dares anyone watching to defy him.

“Ỳou͡’̴ve͠ ͠had̷ yǫur ͢fun, bu̧t̢ d͡on’t fuc̕ki͞n̸’͟ ͝f̷orģet w̢ḩo ͠I ̷a͘m͢, w̢ḩat ͠I ̷a͘m͢. A̧n̸d thąt͠’s n̛oţ h̢im.͘”

The camera is shoved to the floor. The lens cracks, spider-webbing across the screen before it cuts to black. Echoing laughter grows distant as Anti walks away.

There is no second upload that day.

#therealjacksepticeye #jacksepticeye #jacksepticeye egos #antisepticeye #jse community #jse fandom #jse fanfiction #jse theories #ginger gabs #angst #my first attempt #feel free to review!#my writing

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insarations · 6 years

Text

these are actually hella fucking cute y’all

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? oh yes :) but gotta get me some hot chocolate or blanket

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? usually just a scrap of paper or whatevers close

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? i put soy milk and sugar in my coffee....just sugar in tea

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? ya :/ well at least if my mouth is open...I have terrible teeth

6: do you keep plants? no

7: do you name your plants? noo lol

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? painting/drawing/crafting..sometimes writing or poetry

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? very much

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? usually side, sometimes back

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? too many to name

12: what's your favorite planet? hmm...never thought about it strangely. saturn for looks. but mars cause idk..it holds the most possibility

13: what's something that made you smile today? my cats

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? uhhh....idk

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! A day on Venus is actually longer than a year on Venus... wrap your head around that ;)

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? ooooh all of them lol but probably lasagna... ooh or alfredo

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? just darker...dark brown or black

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up when i made us play hide n seek in a hotel room and i hid behind a curtain. or when i peed on my friends foot cause she got stung by a jellyfish XD

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I used to :/ I dont' really anymore..probably should

20: what's your favorite eye color? um idk really it depends on the person..I usually like brown or blue. not that green isn't nice but again depends on the person lol

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. ugh I really don't use bags or purses or anything like that much. currently my black vans drawstring

22: are you a morning person? nah, never will be. i'm used to getting up early but still hate it

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? SLEEP

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? yes..a few people

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? umm i dont think ive broken into anywhere

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? i got rid of all my own shoes but the ones ive had a while i wear the most are my black slipon vans

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? mint

28: sunrise or sunset? sunset

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? only she could do it, cant even explain lol

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? more than a few times

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I LOVE SOCKS lol absolutely not all white socks. I like fun patterned socks..especially my vans no shows... sometimes sleep with them on

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. oh gosh dont let me start

33: what's your fave pastry? uggghh too many. recently something amazing I tried... lobster tails from carlos bakery. but really..any pastry lol

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? lots of them. the main one I can think of is a small little grungy horse named Wickee lol...got him at this amusement park called Wickee Watchee... idk where he is atm :/

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? ooooooh yesssss...from time to time

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? 21 pilots

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? I mean I like it clean.... but it's messy most the time anyways lol

38: tell us about your pet peeves! ugh so many. the #1 thing probably is when I'm walking like in a store and someone just stops right in front of me..like i'm tryna get somewhere please move haha but otherwise I just had selfish spoiled people and attitudes and people who think they're better than everyone else

39: what color do you wear the most? black and gray

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? um honestly I don't have any jewelry besides my liprings. There is this necklace that was my grandmas but I don't really wear it anymore

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? It's called Pawn by Robin Roseau

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! Starbucks. it's amazing. it's life. that is all.

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? this girl

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? um hmm on and off lately and I think i'm getting there again...but probably really completely like...last spring

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? as much and often as I can

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. oh you don't want me to do that

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? donald trump. oh food. hahahahah omg. i thought it said thing. hahahaha. i cant even answer now.

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? roaches. yes still same. I HATE THEM

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? eh neither like or dislike..rarely ever buy cds never records. But I did recently buy the Gwen Stefani Christmas album ;)

50: what's an odd thing you collect? nothing really odd. oh well.... unique boxes. I guess thats strange lol

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? so many songs.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? uh hmm.. probably the spongebob mocking one lol

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? honestly..dont kill me...no

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? myself XD

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? gotten out of the car and walked a mile home XD

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? just being genuine and truthful and sweet and trying to be funny even if you're not really

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? BEAUTIFUL. I didnt actually listen but I did in my head. BEAUTIFUL SONG

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? uhhhh..... dont really have a group of friends XD

59: what's your favorite myth? hmm too much thinking

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? depends, most the time...the Footprints poem

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? given um...idk I used to get a buncha stuff from the dollar store for my fam every year lol received? a rock from my ex bf -_-

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? nah not really a juice person

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? yes organized

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? black

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? yesss....

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? uhhh eh..not for me

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? either calm or sad or sleepy or a combo

68: what's winter like where you live? it's florida. not usually cold. this week is as cold as it gets...low is like 38 but usually it doesnt even get there

69: what are your favorite board games? clue, monopoly is alright too

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? not huge on tea but I like mint, or something fruity like berry or lemon or peach

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? with certain things

73: what are some of your worst habits? leaving drinks or bottles half finished out or like letting my room get messy

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. funny. sarcastic. sometimes an asshole. good time. gorgeous. fun.

75: tell us about your pets! They're two cats, sister, Lamb and Rue...they're 2 and 1/2 years old..and sweet and mischevious and fluffy and soft and cuteeee and I love them more than anything

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? not really

77: pink or yellow lemonade? dont really like lemonade much but they dont make much a difference to me

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? fanclub :)

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? wrote a song for me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? white..nah I didnt choose

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. honestly my minds going black lol im tired

82: are/were you good in school? yes for the most part..had my moments but overall good

83: what's some of your favorite album art? so many I could name. coldplays is always really colorful and abstracty. and imagine dragons.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? already have two. want a lot more..too much to name and i dont even know still what all i want

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? nah

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? YAS. many. but first came to mind, Skillets Rise

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Silver Linings Playbook. Paper Towns. Shrek. All the disney movies. Avatar. Wizard of Oz. many more

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? all of them haha... pop art, impressionism, renaissance..just all of it all special in they're own way

89: are you close to your parents? eh idk i cant explain..neither close nor distant. like we live together and talk alot but not really the close relationship as some do..im very different from them

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Knoxville. the city I went to college in... interesting place with lots to do..best of both worlds. beautiful mountains and hills and views. but also the downtown areas are cool..lots of fun stuff

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? going to savannah ga for my bday. not sure where else yet but i'm sure there will be other places. i'd really like to go to phoenix..boston..new orleans..california..portland ugh so many places

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? CHEESE AF

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? just up in a bun which is boring but its too messy and long to put up with lol

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my dad

95: what are your plans for this weekend? nothing really so far. probably will go to lunch or something with my friend

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? procrastinate

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? myer briggs- INFJ (advocate) sign- aquarius house- ravenclaw

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? legitimately...like 3 years ago...hated it...too much walking and pain XD

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. ugh sooooooooooo many. pretty much any song by skillet or gwen stefani/no doubt recently..dusk till dawn by sia, new rules by dua lipa... also songs by ben howard..lots of indie stuff

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 into the future... i've already lived my past, and i've made a lot of progress...wanna jump to even more progress hopefully

#survey #survey questions #random survey #cute questions #many questions #random questions

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manmodeactivate · 7 years

Text

Ultimate passing tips list for pre-t transguys (and some other tips too)

If you want to look like your average joe cis guy this list is for you, you dont have to try and look cis to be valid this is just for people that want to pass in public consistently. This is info I’ve gathered over the years and stuff I’ve learnt myself too so i thought i’d put them in one place.

This stuff works for me, i pass all the time basically even if i am perceived as a younger guy that’s fine by me.

its pretty lengthy so the topics are facial hair, hair, jaw, voice, height, hips, packing, binding, swimming, working out, foods, body language, clothes and bathrooms.

•FACIAL HAIR: shave your peach fuzz coz guys don’t have peach fuzz or…

you can make it pass for male facial hair by growing it as much as you can as a moustache and shaving the rest. You could even leave a lil at the sideburns. Once you’ve done that grab a makeup powder a bit darker than your skin tone and lightly brush on the areas with hair to darken it and tada you have facial hair. You could dye it if you have some pretty good fuzz ive done that and it works a treat the video’s here. If you go for something darker than light brown you will have to wash your face a few times to get the skin stain off.

I’ve also heard coconut oil is good for facial hair growth. If you want to give that a try get a bit and slather it on wear you want the hair and massage it in for like 5 mins and leave it or sleep with it on.

Coconut oil is a good moisturiser and can act as a shaving ‘cream’ and aftershave too.

Also shaving to make hair grow thicker and darker is bs. When the hair starts growing back because its been cut not pluck the end of that hair follicle is flat not pointed making it appear darker and thicker.

You can ghost in the areas where facial hair would be with makeup too but it may look less natural.

And keep eyebrows more natural just focus on the middle. You can darken them the same as your facial hair as men have darker, thicker eyebrows generally.

•HAIR: going tight on the sides can make your head look more square therefore more masculine.

Also keep it messy, women generally have smooth, brushed through looking hair. Get some clay or wax or whatever works for your hair type and texture and rub it in your hands till there’s no clumps. Then work it into ALL of your hair, just go crazy. Also side parting rather than something closer to the middle for short hair looks more masculine and less i want to speak to the manager.

Also square off that sideburny bit don’t keep it pointy.

Body hair is good to keep too coz most guys have a crap ton of it (leg hair, armpit hair)

•JAW: you can clench your jaw to make it more rigid and square (people keep adding not to do this for too long which is true but like common sense guys).

Also chewing gum more often to make you jaw muscles stronger can improve your jawline.

Try out contouring if you want to (I understand if you don’t)

•VOICE: I’ve seen some exercises online like humming as low as you can for 30 seconds a few times a day; stretching your neck; stretching your neck while humming; singing male parts in songs; speaking more slowly and controlled; speaking from your chest or abdomen. One or a combination or these might work for you just give them a try.

•HEIGHT: there are short cis guys so don’t worry too much.

You can wear shoes with thick heels or wear inserts. I’m not sure about any other height tips as i don’t worry about my height.

•HIPS: if you have a lot of weight around your hips that isn’t bone wear mid or high rise jeans and put them over that area with a belt on so you can cinch down the fat a lil bit. This could be dangerous so don’t do it too often or too tight.

Losing some weight can help but when it comes to bone it ain’t moving.

Ty turner said boardshorts are good too because of the wide waistband so give that a try in the summer too.

•PACKING: honestly packing isn’t a passing thing most people don’t pay attention to it but you can if you want to.

A sock in your briefs or boxers is good enough but there are packers and stps (stand to pee devices) you can buy too.

Tight briefs, a harness or a diy harness is best for packing.

To make a diy harness use a waistband from some underwear and either put a hole in them for the shaft to go through or you can attach a o ring or something similar to the waistband which will last longer.

If you have just a packer like the mr limpy or pierre you can use pouches like the joey which ensure you dont lose your dick down your leg.

If you have a freetom i made a harness out of womens underwear and it works really well. Just chop a hole in the front a few inches below the waistband and tada!!

To use an STP you just whip it out do a lil bit of a squat and put it underneath you, legs a bit spread so you dont squash the stp, point it mostly down and go. Depending on the stp this can vary and you may also have to control your flow.

I also did a review of 2 freetoms, pierre and the joey packing pouch that you can watch by clicking here.

•BINDING: DO NOT USE ACE BANDAGES OR WRAP ANYTHING ALL THE WAY AROUND YOUR BODY. Its extremely dangerous and you could break ribs and puncture organs.

Only bind with binders from trusted brands. A few that are well known are gc2b, underworks and flavnts bareskin binder. Ive used the gc2b binder and i can definitely recommend it it is extremely comfortable and the material is great.

To avoid the moob when you put on your binder put your hand under the bottom and push them either to the side or down. If you have a smaller chest you could go up but just fiddle around till it looks the best you can get it (Yes some positions are healthier than others if it causes pain don’t do it that way obviously).

You can try kt tape but only use in small amounts. From over your nipple to your armpit with only a few pieces. This method can effect skin elasticity and cause irritation. Do not use more tape than what was just recommended as you don’t want to constrict yourself.

Also sports bras are good if you can’t buy a binder or it isn’t safe to. Wear one backwards or wear two (one forwards and one backwards) if wearing one normally doesn’t do the trick.

Layers and thick jumpers and jackets can hide your chest too.

Do not buy cheap ones on ebay.

Only bind up to 8 hours and try not to exceed that. If you have to bind for longer take regular breaks but 10 hours is the absolute max.

Don’t sleep in one either as you breath differently when you sleep and you need some time to breath if you wear it everyday.

Don’t buy one smaller than your size this can can serious problems. Your size will work very well and getting a smaller size doesn’t mean it will flatten you more. Most guys have pecs anyway so a lil bump is okay.

•SWIMMING: again boardshorts with a wide waistband are great but also rashies (bather material t-shirts basically) are good too.

If you wear a sports bra (fowards or backwards. Probably don’t try wearing two as that would be constricting) or a bareskin binder you can wear an over sized rashie over the top to hide some curves (when it isnt clinging to your body) and also hide the binder or sports bra.

A wetsuit with a rashie also works well.

No one will question you wearing a rashie but if they do just say its to protect from uv rays.

You can also try binding with kt tape/sports tape with a rashie.

•WORKING OUT: strength/weight training your upper body can help make your shoulders look bigger and more masculine. Doing exercises regularly (a few times a week) for muscles like the triceps, biceps, chest and lats is a good start (i say a good start, you should also work out other body parts to ensure balance but the focus is on people just starting or people that dont do gym often and want a more masculine appearance).

Have lots of protein to help build muscle (exercise at the same time, just protein won’t do anything).

Also shedding some weight can help with curves as well as help get rid of a baby face.

Working out also boosts testosterone.

•FOODS: there are natural testosterone boosting and estrogen blocking foods you can try. These are some i found but there are others. They probably won’t do much but you can try them out if you want.

Some boosters are tuna, egg yolks, oysters, shellfish, garlic, coconut, beef and beans.

Some estrogen blockers are kale, cauliflower, broccoli, mushrooms, whole grains, pomegranates, grapes, olive oil, spinach, onions and citrus.

•BODY LANGUAGE: be confident. This is very important.

Shoulders back, chest out.

Walk with a slightly wider stance (coz most guys have some junk down there ya know so just imagine that or buy a packer to help with that) and also sitting down with your legs slightly apart (coz again junk down there).

Try not to talk with your hands too much but if you do, do it less with your wrists and maybe more slowly and with your whole arm.

Hands in pockets is also a masculine mannerism.

•CLOTHES: wear masculine (or androgynous) clothes that are a lil oversized. T-shirts that are wider in the torso and longer are best. Tops with a standard neck opening are better than wide neck openings too as it makes your neck look thicker.

Rolling up sleeves is a good idea too coz if you have a big shirt the sleeves are going to look a bit funky. Sleeves that are fitted on your arms and show your mid upper arm give the illusion of bigger arms therefore more muscular arms. To tighten them and shorten them just roll them up a few times. This won’t look weird or suspicious either coz it’s a trend that’s happening anyway.

Patterns, dark clothes and layers are good for hiding your chest and curves too.

Muscle tank tops are good in general so wear them.

In terms of accessories a watch is great and maybe a leather or wood bead bracelet or a plain ring. Keep it minimal.

•BATHROOM: in and out just do what you’ve gotta do. Don’t look around and chat or whatever.

Keep your head down if you’re worried you don’t pass enough.

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atomicblasphemy · 3 years

Text

Chamomile {Part VI}

Eda and Amity share a cup of tea.

“Well, be my guest. You technically already are my guest, but… Anyway, whenever you’re ready.”

“Yup, she did.”

“Probation? Seriously? Your parents gave you all a rap sheet?”

“I… I know… It really is worse than it sounds. Anyway, two weeks in, I storm into father’s office and tell him everything I knew.”

“Snitch.” Eda snickered.

“Amity, your siblings sound lovely, and they seemed really nice when they came here the other day, and that day at the knee. But I don’t see how this has anything to do with your hair.”

Amity lifted her hand, she didn’t tuck in an lose strands of green this time. She just pointed her finger at the creeping light shade of brown. The line between kin and strangers laid so blurred.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not so sure about that. You have his hair, his eyes. But I also see a lot of Odalia in you. Yup. You really are your mother’s daughter. Physical appearance and personality alike.”

“Wha-What do you mean by that?”

“Really? I… thought I was managing to change any bad first impressions gave you, but...”

Amity’s eyes grew wide. Eda’s grew morose.

“Would you really?”

This had little to do with Luz. Amity and Eda both knew it.

“No… No, I wouldn’t.”

“I… That’s ok… Thank you… Really.”

“Don’t mention it.”

She didn’t meet Amity’s eyes. Trying to put up a front, she continued.

“Now, moving on. Who is this brown haired girl you seem to like so much?”

“I’ve never said that.”

“What?”

“What if I chose wrong?”

“Aren’t you used to it by now?”

“Ouch, you really are brutal, aren’t you?”

“Heh, sorry. But I mean it. Aren’t you? Wouldn’t you do exactly what you’ve been doing? Try and fix it?”

“I guess.”

“So, what’s stopping from asking Luz out? A proper date, that is.”

“Because if rejects me, she’ll be rejecting both my brown and my green hair. I can take it if she rejects the green... The other one… that’s a different story.”

“Ahh… Finally.”

“Well, that’s a pretty harsh way of putting it.”

Chuckling, Eda responds.

“You really think so?”

“Monopoly?”

TEN

The girl didn’t respond. Her head was still going a million miles an hour after hearing Eda’s closing words. After everything she herself had said. This woman, this perfect stranger for the most part. She had told her things she never fathomed she would ever tell anyone. She had been content with the idea of having Luz as a crush, she convinced herself that that would be all she could strive for. All she deserved. Pining from afar. She made peace with being a Blight, with her green hair, and all that this name represented. Still, this woman showed that this mask was but a thin veil. And when the girl herself looked into her very own abyss whilst standing next to Eda, she couldn’t feel the expected repulsion. Eda showed no signs of feeling such things, so why would her? She looked into her own abyss, but it was empty, there was nothing there whatsoever, nothing to look back at her. She looked into her own abyss and couldn’t help but feel as though she should have been looking someplace else all along. Then, through Eda’s help, she realized that that chasm wasn’t everything there was.

Eda was almost leaving the kitchen. The sound of her heels clacking on the wooden floor, further driving the point that their conversation had ended. All she knew about her were the tall tales she had heard scattered here and there, nothing substantial and, specially after tonight, nothing she could vouch for. The footsteps growing ever more distant.

Yet, her mind was made. She felt something for the woman, a kinship she unsuccessfully looked for in her own flesh and blood for all of her fourteen years. She hadn’t forced the girl to say anything, There was no blackmail, no backhanded tricks, none of the familiar coercion. Eda was supposed to be a criminal, the scum of society, but she did none of the tricks the girl would have associate with one fitting this description. On the contrary, what the girl said, she said it willingly. What the girl said, she meant all of it. What the girl said, it needed to be said. She needed to voice the thoughts and clear her throat, clogged for so long, turning her into a gunpowder keg on the edge of exploding if even the slightest extra pressure was added.

Eda was the first one who offer to listen, maybe the first one capable of that. And that’s all she did. The girl knew no explosions would come. She wouldn’t have to meet any dramatic fallout, no blood and guts to mourn when the next drop becomes one too many. That woman, for some uncanny mysterious reason, made sure that would not be the case. The girl couldn’t remember any kindness of this sort.

Eda saw Amity. She saw the Blight too. Not because she had to show her either, not for any tacit obligation but out of pure volition. And she only left when it was for the girl’s own benefit.

In the girl’s mind, although justifications for Eda’s generosity were still foggy, the older witch’s kindness was something to be cherished. Something she was grateful for. She grew so used to the cold that the warmth, first from the daughter then from the mother, felt addictive, she would need more of this. And perhaps this was something she could dub a choice. The ones Eda had pointed out over their conversation stemmed from guts, maybe even from a not yet quite developed rebellion against the greenness of her being. This time, however, the meaning and intention were much clearer to her. It was possible, and that’s the gift she received, first from a daughter, then from a mother.

She jolts up, a long kept storm brewing. A girl, liberated from merciless fate, ran. Eda stood at a juncture at the bottom of the stairways, a path leading up, the one the girl was to take; another leading to the house’s small library and to the living room. For now, the one the girl looked for stood in the crossroads, much like herself. A tall woman, elegant, if uncompromising, youthful, if having had seen so much more than the girl, kind if having no reason to be so. It was as if she expected the girl, as if their last meeting for the night was to take place at that juncture and nowhere else. She showed no signs of being bothered by having the daughter of a pair of life time rivals sullen her dress with what she still had failed to voice, despite the long conversation. Years materialized in a pair of everflowing streams from the girls eyes as Eda held her, the difference in their heights never more evident. She really saw a lot of herself in that girl. She would let her sob and tarnish the dress, that didn’t matter. Maybe it was Eda’s imagination, but she could have sworn to have heard a few “thank you”s in between the visceral sounds reverberating in her womb.

But eventually even that was to run its course. Pushing her away, Eda knelt in front of the girl their eyes leveled at the same height. Holding the girl’s face between her hands, wiping away with her thumbs those few tears that resisted the fabric of her dress. She had nothing else to tell this Amity. She could only repeat her final closing words.

“Go get some rest, you need it, you need a break. You’ll have a big day tomorrow, Amity Blight.”

Seeing the woman’s back disappear into the the bowels of the house, the girl turned to face the stairway. A narrow path leading upwards, to what may just be the biggest decision she had to make so far. She had no name, not here, not now, not yet. But she had her feet, and she could take the first step. The ones following coming more naturally as she shortened the distance between herself and the destination she had chosen.

Luz still laid there, the same relaxed smile on her sleeping face, her hand still open midway between herself and where the Blight had lied earlier. Eda was right, she had a big day tomorrow, she would need as clear a head as she could afford. The girl, the young witch, laid back down again facing the human. She would reach out her hand, shorten the distance even further. But only eventually, not now. She’d need a name before that could happen.

“I thought you left.”

Luz’s eyes sluggishly opened. The girl feared that the girl may have overheard her conversation with her mother. A short emotion that she quickly got the handle of. A warmth stubbornly rising to her face nonetheless.

“Of course not. I’m looking forward to tomorrow, why would I leave?”

To her surprise, her normal abashedness in front of the most powerful human in the Boiling Isles was starting to give way to something else. The familiar burn to her cheeks still unrelenting now.

“I thought you went with King to steal that helicopter he was talking about. Then you’d go to Alcatraz rescue Katara.”

“I… have no idea what no idea what any of that means, Luz.”

The girl answered, particularly curious about the word helicopter. In the morning, she’d have to ask Luz what that was, or maybe King. Maybe that would be more effective than a handful cupcakes for getting into his good graces. Her hand, but a few inches from the one she wanted to hold. What insecurities she had regarding Luz’s knowledge of her conversation with Eda gone altogether. But holding it now was not what she truly wanted, she’d do it only when she knew for certain she herself was the cause for the human’s smile.

“That’s nice, really nice. I’m glad you’re here though. Good night, Amity.”

Luz’s voice falling to a barely audible whisper at the last word. Still, Amity could hear it echoing in her skull. Her mind was clear.

“Good night, Luz.”

Amity finally closes her eyes, slumber fast approaching as she realizes how tired she had truly been. This was a promise of a dreamless night. Just as muscles she never knew were so long started relaxing after so much time, realizing the impossible lightness on her shoulders. Amity needed the rest.

She feels fingers tightening around her own, just as consciousness started to be blur. She doesn’t open her eyes, she knows who they belong to. She was still awake, if barely. She could already dream, she was already doing that. A smile on her face and her belly full of their favorite tea, sleep at last reaches Amity Blight.

{THE END}

#ketsu #amity blight #luz noceda #lumity #edalyn clawthorne

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noisilyclassycloud · 7 years

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Q&A

I’m kind of stunned that someone on the internet thinks I’m a cool and interesting person, but @nuunamaria does (her words, not mine) so thank you so much!!! And here goes:

1. Are you named after someone? Not that I know of. My middle name is the same as the name of one of my godmothers, but it is a very very common name in Finnish so I don’t think she is a factor there. It was probably chosen more for the religious connotations, anyway, whereas my first name was chosen because it is a traditional, old Finnish name.

2. When was the last time you cried? I cried a little bit today. I’m trying to learn to cry whenever I feel like it because I usually feel better afterward.

3. Do you like your own handwriting? Yes, mostly! I’ve worked for a long time to get it to its present state.

4. What is your favourite lunch meat? I... suppose this has, at some point in history, read ‘meal’? Because frankly, lunch meat is a concept I’m not aware of, and I don’t eat meat anyway. My favourite lunch meal, however, could be pasta for example? I don’t know I like a lot of food.

5. Do you have kids? Nope, and hopefully won’t have any for a very long time.

6. Do you use sarcasm? Probably more than is considered healthy.

7. Do you still have tonsils?

Yes I do.

8. Would you bungee jump?

I think it’d probably be the coolest thing, but I also think I’d probably be way too afraid to actually do it, unless I was on Amazing Race. Bc you know, you do anything in Amazing Race.

9. What is your favourite kind of cereal? Chocolate cereal, but I only eat one very specific brand. Can I also use this space to complain that they don’t sell Crunchy Nut in Finland??? Like, what is up with that???? Crunchy Nut is the best cereal, possibly even better than my specific brand of chocolate cereal!!!! I want Crunchy Nut!!!

10. Do you untie your shoelaces when you take them off? I should. I mostly don’t.

11. Do you think you’re strong? Um... no. No way to get around this one.

12. What is your favourite ice cream? Chocolate. Hands down.

13. What is the first thing you notice about people? I’m not sure, maybe, like, if they’re smiling? Smiles are nice?

14. Football or cricket? Neither. Both are dumb.

15. What is your least favourite thing about yourself? Right at this moment, my anxiety. I’d appreciate it if it let me have more than one good day in a row.

16. What colour pants are you wearing right now? Dark red/purplish?

17. what was the last thing you ate? Raejuusto. It’s sort of like cottage cheese, but it’s Finnish. And better.

18. What are you listening to right now? My old laptop whirring its air conditioners like crazy, even though I haven’t done anything with it for two hours. It’s old.

19. If your were a crayon what kind of crayon would you be? I would be a bright red one that colours well and has stripes of other colours on it, because it is always in the middle of the other crayons and gets loved but also bumped from time to time.

20. Favourite smell? I don’t have a single fave smell, but I like the smell of many of my regular lipbalms, because they always bring happy memories with them. If I’m starving, then the smell of Indian food is definitely my favourite smell in the whole world.

21. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? Mum.

22. Favourite sport to watch? Ice skating. I also like other beautiful sports like gymnastics, but ice skating is so pretty I can’t.

23. Hair colour? My hair colour? Um, my own colour is a dull brown, but I dye it a darker brown.

24. Eye colour? Mix ‘n match. They can be greenish if the lighting is right and you squint really hard.

25. Favourite food to eat? Does chocolate count as a food? No? Well, um, sushi I definitely love, and Indian as I stated, though I can’t eat anything very spicy so that limits my choices there. Really any well-made vegetarian food is such a pleasure.

26. Scary movie or happy endings? Happy endings, absolutely. I’m not really one for horror.

27. Last movie you watched?

Must still be How to Be Single. I don’t watch movies very often, I mostly watch series.

28. What colour shirt are you wearing?

I’m wearing a white t-shirt with colourful writing on it, and on top of that a black hoodie with white writing on it.

My tagging awkwardness is taking over today so I’m not tagging anyone, but do it if you wanna! It’s fun! Who doesn’t love talking about themselves! I would sure love to hear about you!

#tag game #q&a

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t-shrt · 4 years

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100 q tag

no one wud read it but ima do it anyways cos fun tag by @dubblebubble

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal than milk cos i love tht crunchy crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? LOVE

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? receipts, pen lol

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? coffee=basic latte/hot tea, no sugar

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? sometimes, not too often tho

6: do you keep plants? no but i want to but ill be terrible at it so no

7: do you name your plants?

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? digital art

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yes very it keeps me sane

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side/back, back esp nowadays

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? lots lol

12: what’s your favorite planet? earth? hahahah it used to be jupiter cos i loved sailor jupiter as a child

13: what’s something that made you smile today? friend + nct + fics

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? two separate bedrooms, a balcony, good amount of plants, separate fridge for alcohol, sizeable kitchen

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! it rains diamonds in jupiter and saturn $$$$

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? bolognese hahahaha im boring

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? i just dyed my hair a darker ash brown n i quite like it ive been light for awhile

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. one came 2 mind cos we both recently talked ab it, a longtime close friend of mine n i used to have the biggest fight where he threw me a pair of scissors n i threw him a basketball in retaliation lmfaooo it still became a running joke more than a decade later...

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? not really...prolly shud

20: what’s your favorite eye color? i actually like brown hahah, maybe a slightly lighter shade of brown

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. it was a gift from my parents, a simple small messenger bag with a lot of slots, brought it with me literally everywhere, during my hookups, my night outs, been stained with questionable things (its been cleaned lol!).... almost lost it in a club only to be found by a friend... it has foundation stains tho lol

22: are you a morning person? n o

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? sleep, listen to music, watch stuff, not reply to messages

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? no

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? nothing rly comes to mind but im p sure ive been somewhere like tht lol

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? LOL my adidas superstars

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? ermm the red colored ones?

28: sunrise or sunset? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm very good question

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? hmm what comes to mind is the way both of us sometimes exchange goodnight msgs w nct farm emojis heheeh

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? lol ofc....

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. unfortunately im rly basic on socks, u wud most likely find me wearing black ankle socks or black ballet(?) socks nothing more nothing less.......

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. a lot has happened usually during that time lol. duno which story to pick honestly hahahah. i think a memorable one might be when we were drinking n played games and we talked and talked and joked n nek min one by one we fell asleep in the same room hahah... im sure there are other stories tht might be more eventful but fr the life of me my memorys fuzzy rn lol

33: what’s your fave pastry? i love strawberry shortcakes! or mille crepes

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? i kept a LOT hahah. prolly named a few, but nothing was too special. i think it rly reflected how i managed my relationships then, n evn yrs aftwds, like i ws always lonely n my instincts were to gain quantity cos deep down i cudnt trust ppl n cudnt get too committed lololol

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? i wish i was cos sometimes ppl wud make pretty colorful notes, but i usually just buy ones tht i wud use cos practicality.

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? mmmmm is it cheating if i say nct cos they cover a range of genres lmao. but their ballads i guess yeah.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i mean i prefer to keep it clean, but its always really messy HAHAHA ;_;

38: tell us about your pet peeves! 1. someone rude 2. someone who doesnt know how to respect others’ boundaries 3. someone self-entitled n takes themselves 2 seriously

39: what color do you wear the most? black on black on black on black baby

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? an evangelion ring, its the black (lilith) moon with lcl gem in it, to me i guess symbolizes my struggle with human relations, n how eva as an anime illustrated tht n the fantasy of having everyone’s consciousness merged into one--n the fact that lilith in itself (in astrology) signifies the darker side of a human being? i guess n the fact that evn if u acknowledge ur darker side u cud still use it to further urself

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? hmmmm i guess last was a self help book, unfuck your boundaries, helped me support my need to strengthen my boundaries

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! little rogue :) its in a small alleyway, a little quaint shop, easy to miss... small potted plants, with an amaaazing matcha latte

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? siiigh a guy i was involved with lmfao i cut him off tho

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? hmmmmm good question i guess lately ive been very thankful tht i could feel comfortable taking my own time and space, n accepting the positive energy others wn give 2 me. being single really, really does help evn tho id feel lonely sometimes, bc the only weight i carry is the weight of my own soul n i wn learn how to nourish that

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? very i think

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. i have a lot HAHAHA if u were a friend of mine ud prolly get tired of them. a genuinely bad one wud be haha youre so punny lmfao

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? nothing rly lmao if theyre healthy n someone derives happiness frm it i wudnt want it to be banned

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? probably not lol, i mean i think i retained similar fears since i ws a kid but now obviously my biggest fear(s) would be more...specific to me

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? its the digital age baby spotify ftw (in all srsness i wish i collected vinyls tho hh)

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? i used to collect ramune bottles lmaoooo

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? hmmmm nah lets not do this right now lol

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? LOL too many but i love shitpost quality memes tbh

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? pulp fiction. i actually loved it, i think i still do, its entertainment value is kickass, havent taken the time to dissect it in any other way

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? oh man i think it ws the dude i ws seeing lmao fk him

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? a lot, n most of them im not proud of, cos some involves self harm

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? kindness n genuineness, someone’s courage in being vulnerable

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? dont feel like it rn but everytime i do 10/10 will dramatically reenact the lyrics right to the guitar riffs

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? im definitely the wine (aunt) lmfaooo im already one tbh

59: what’s your favorite myth? Eros + Psyche, Icarus and the sun

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? i love poetry hahah...cant think of any rn

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? id love any gift given 2 me as long as they wont harm me or anything lmao n i dont think ive evr given anything too stupid. well.. idk if this is stupid tho like i sent flowers thanking my ex for ‘helping me live’ well aft we’ve blocked each other off cos the end to the relo was js daaamn toxic lmao

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? nope

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? music i do spotify n im pretty particular ab organizing my playlists i guess. my books im alright with as long as theyre just stacked properly no problem

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? prolly rly dark blue cos its 12 am

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? a lot tbh cos ive rly been focusing on stuff internally

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? daisies, sunflowers, n baby breath here n there

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? somber i guess maybe a tad bit nostalgic?

68: what’s winter like where you live? heeella cold not cos of the temperature itself but the winds thooo, if it drizzles evn in the slightest it feels like needles piercing through ur bones literally

69: what are your favorite board games? i like the game of life, ummm cards against humanity?

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no n never will lol

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? the fruity kinds

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yea def lol

73: what are some of your worst habits? disappearing from people when i feel strong emotions

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. they’re small but they’re so full of love, full of life, full of strength, and full of care for others, they’re the type of person who will seek their goals till the end despite obstacles and still be able to not lose their warm heart on the way. they put so much thought and care to every aspect of their life even when in the past they have been handed some bad things, and i adore them for that.

75: tell us about your pets! none :( wish i have a cat though

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? hahahhaah

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink!

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? neither sometimes i think theyre weird sometimes cute sometimes weirdly cute lmao

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? write up 24 things they love about me to stop me from hating myself

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? white. no but if i had to id say white anyways lol cos its a blank canvas

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. i dunno uhhhh her rounded eyes which seemed to at first glance, harbor plenty of wonder seemed to be weighted by many untold secrets, the traces of which could be found when she erupts into laughter where the wonder would manifest itself in the form of small stars in the dark of her eyes.

82: are/were you good in school? meh. i try

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? weirdly i like cigarette after sex’s one cos its so simple yet telling

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? planning on getting an evangelion one, another heart one, a sunflower one, and prolly a ghibli related one

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? manga? naruto 4evr LOL

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? hmmm thinkin of dpr live’s IAOT

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? lord of the rings, harry potter, one of ghibli movies lol

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? i think impressionism is very cool evn tho i dont do it myself

89: are you close to your parents? eeeeee

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Melbourne is a wonderful city where many things could coexist in one--happiness and sadness, camaraderie and loneliness, hot and cold, quiet and full of life, productive and relaxed, bursting with unfocused energy yet incredibly organized, and for many reasons it’s become one of my favorite cities, and definitely my favorite to live in.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? no plans tbh lol maybe home?.......japan? heheheh nahhh

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? it depends lol mostly i guess drowns my pasta in cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? i always wear it down, either straight or wavy

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? a friend of mine

95: what are your plans for this weekend? stay in most likely, do stuff

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? 100% procrastinate lmaoooo

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? ISTG, jkjk INFP, leo sun aquarius moon cancer rising, ravenclaw

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? im alws meh ab hiking tbh lmao

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Long Slow Distance - NCT 127, Four - Sleeping At Last, idontwannabeyouanymore - Billie Eilish, Stop This Train - John Mayer, Digital Lover - Crush

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years into the past so she’d stop focusing her life around anybody else but herself

#tag #tag meme #tags

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