#anyway that is my go-to reference for Connor *losing* and it makes me hurt

[detectiveconnor]

thinking about the way connor holds hank as he’s dying and says, “Everything will be alright, Lieutenant. I’m gonna get you out of here.” thinking about the way connor holds him like trying to hold onto water as it slips through his fingers. thinking about the way connor responds to trauma with What Next What Next What Next and the need to move now and the knee-jerk instinct nobody gets left behind. thinking about connor saying things that are not true because he wants them to be true. thinking about this one true example we have of connor Losing something (someone) and reaching for it to stay

#'reaching for it to stay' thinking also of the way he reaches out in the middle of a blizzard he is meant to die in #reaching for her #death tw #thinking also of how he replays reaching as she vanishes #and of that quote from that book #''One of the hardest things for traumatized people is to confront their shame about the way they behaved during a traumatic episode'' #''whether it is objectively warranted or not'' #ingrid's brain liveblogging #anyway that is my go-to reference for Connor *losing* and it makes me hurt #connor had a conversation with orion once about grief #orion asked about it #connor said something along the lines of #''I've ... never lost someone I would have held on to' #and Good For Him #i love him

[madlilsongbird]

Watching The Amazing Spidernan movies so that I’m all caught up before No Way Home. Will add my thoughts as I have them. Note I am not some big Spider-Man fan nor have I read the comics so if my thoughts sound kinda stupid they probably are.

First movie:

That’s a good trick with the broom. Making a mental note as we speak.

Actually seeing Peter say goodbye to his parents is horrible and I would like to never experience it again

SALLY FIELD IS AUNT MAY?! Why does this one have the good cast? (not good as in better but good as in more well known)

The sexual tension in “good morning flash…good morning Peter” (this is a joke I’m not shipping him with his bully)

Jesus roid rage much?

Shut your blinds! I don’t know who would be looking in your window at this exact moment but close them anyway!

First careful, you never know who is watching what you search (when did I become this person)

Second…curt connors is ableist.

Poor Rodrigo Guevara

Oh internalised ableism. And that is the only comment I will make going forward because my disabilities do not include limb difference and I dont want to overstep.

Stop following the man, you are not subtle…wait wtf how’d he do that?!

This is where he gets his powers right?

Okay but when would 5 men make that much of a fuss over a woman that only 1 of them seems to know?

Same. (This is in reference to smashing the alarm clock)

Oh my god is it really necessary to show all the different kinds of spider bites.

Actually just going back to the internalised ableism thing…he is allowed to feel whatever type of way about his own disability that is his right. But insinuating that all disabled people are weak and wanting to breed out the weakness is eugenics and just kinda gross. THIS is the final comment I will make on the matter.

No but seriously he is way more aggressive than regular teen boy aggressive so either he’s on something or he’s overcompensating for something

The way he looks at him doe (again all jokes am not shipping flash and Peter)

Why is this so awkward? And not like teens navigating a crush awkward just genuinely awkward. I feel no chemistry between them.

I like the song, it’s an interesting choice for this scene but I like it.

Stop does uncle Ben die now? Like I know uncle Ben dies at some point but I was really kinda hoping he just wouldn’t in this iteration. I was going for a ninth doctor moment “just this once everybody lives”

MOTHERFUCKER

God Sally is incredible

Don’t show me moments of Flash being human I might accidentally start shipping them for real and that simply can’t happen.

Oooh he’s a fashion designer

I just really enjoy how he takes the piss out of his victims? Arrests?

Is Gwen aware that the school nurse can’t cure everything? Both legally and just like generally doesn’t have the knowledge to cure everything. She suggests going to the nurse a lot.

This family gives me bad vibes

This is a long movie…it’s not even half way through

Well that’s one way to tell her

NOT GEORGE FOYET!

I think with what I remember of SpiderTobey and what I know of SpiderTom, Andrews Spider-Man is definitely better with the people he’s rescuing. Smoother, good bedside manner.

His sons name is Jack. Why does that make me angry?

So he’s just not gonna rescue the other people hanging off the bridge?

It’s almost poetic that the son of the man tried to stop him the first time will be the one to stop him now

Now how is he getting enough power in the sewer

No means no Peter

Does she die in this one or the next one? I don’t imagine her dying will help captain stacey see him as a good guy

Stan 🥺

This movie is exhausting and I don’t know if I mean that in a good way or a bad way.

MoThEr HuBbArD aRe YoU sErIoUs

He managed to get three whole words out and you didn’t think to ease up on the trigger a little to hear what those words might be?

She’s very clever and I will be sad to see her go

That wasn’t her scream. Or it was but from a different take.

Foyet about to be coming in clutch

I’m going to cry.

He’s so ugly. Some lizards are really cute but lizard + human, kinda gross looking.

Well shit. I didn’t know that happened. I guess what I said about him being upset with Peter about Gwen is irrelevant. Unless it isn’t, like if you believe in the afterlife, imagine how pissed he’s gonna be when Gwen arrives.

He finally got the eggs 🥺

As someone who’s boyfriend at the time didn’t go to her fathers funeral I feel ya Gwen. I mean I don’t care now but at the time it sucked.

Dr Connors was just in a silly goofy mood. He seems to show genuine care for the boy (this is mostly sarcasm).

Second movie

Oh we’re going back to peters dad.

How do they have access to a private jet?

Miss Honey is badass

Ngl I’m actually quite relieved they both died before the plane crashed. Stil devastating though.

Okay so this is first up on the list of potential mystery villains in No Way Home…he looks like a tool.

HeLLo PeDeStRiAnS

He really just let Spider-Man put his hand on his tongue. Sir do you know where his hand has been? Not to mention just in general the feeling of spandex on your tongue. I feel ill.

No respect for the proper care of plutonium.

Please don’t ever say “come to daddy” again 😂

I’m kinda sad Jamie Fox becomes a villain, his character seems kinda sweet so far from the 2 seconds I’ve seen of him

You mean to tell me he missed his girlfriend’s fathers funeral AND her valedictorian speech?!

Stan x2 🥺

Because you can’t lose me you’re going to lose me? 😂

I love her jacket

Why are they still pretending like she doesn’t know?

I may have spoken to soon about Max

See I would be speeding up daddy’s death if he told me he’d passed down a genetic disease and just decided not to tell me.

Friendship.

Okay max is still a little bit nutty but you gotta feel bad for the guy. He must’ve been so scared.

Don’t smile that’s not cute, if he was a regular boy you’d file a restraining order.

Oh I see Spider-Man is gonna fight him which will make him turn and become the “bad guy” whether he will actually be a bad guy is still unknown.

This scene is actually kinda just making me angry (the time square scene)

Cops suck man. Peter was talking him down just fine.

Did nobody teach these people not to touch metal when there’s electricity about.

Interesting that I didn’t pick up any chemistry from them in the first movie weren’t they an actual couple for a while?

Another good song with an interesting placement

I’m sorry did the caller ID not say Mary Parker? How was it Harry on the phone?

Run Gwen!

This version of Harry is kinda creepy I’m sure the actor is swell but the character is terrifying. Original version Harry was swell whereas the actor is…

“Maybe everyone has a part of themselves they hide” gives him the eye

This movies shorter or at least it feels shorter

An excellent show of what happens when you tell a rich daddy’s boy no for the first time.

This makes me very sad. She’s so excited for the possibility of Oxford.

As much as Harry disturbs me, I want him to burn his entire team.

His daddy really did love him!

I think it’s mostly his eyes, his behaviour can be explained by trauma (why I find Harry creepy)

Okay most of his behaviour. The taking joy in killing people that’s just him being nutty and not a trauma response.

This is fucked up. And where is Peter? he is off chasing a girl who has broken up with him twice now.

PLANES NEED THE POWER!

I really like SpiderAndrew, the movies are fine but as a character I thoroughly enjoy him

Sorcerers apprentice who?

Captain Stacy can’t blame him! She’s clearly stubborn as hell and her own free woman

I quite literally stopped breathing (in reference to the almost plane crash)

Is this why they made it Gwen and not MJ so that he could kill her and be an actual bad guy? From my little knowledge of the comics and what I’ve seen from the movies Harry would never hurt MJ so it had to be someone else important to Peter but not super important to him for him to a real bad guy

I like that Harry actually looks like a goblin.

What was the disease he’s supposed to have?

This poor family. I know I said they gave me bad vibes in the first movie but nobody deserves this.

He looks less like a tool with his suit on…but only slightly less

Baby you better get back behind that baracade!

Nobody talk to me I’m very emotional. This child looks very much like a magical mix of all 3 of my brothers put together and seeing him stand there so brave but so scared is doing something to me.

Final thoughts:

So I think SpiderAndrew might be a close second favourite for me. I like the relationships of the original the most, the comedy of the mcu version the most but this one was like a nice in between. Im a little disappointed there won’t be a third not cos I think I would have enjoyed it just cos the original had 3 movies, the mcu version will have at least 3 movies and this one is left out with 2. Don’t think I would have loved Shailene Woodley as MJ though so I dunno. I think the only thing I would have wanted from a third movie is to know who fedora guy is…and for Peter and May to acknowledge that they both know that he is Spider-Man. Apart from that it was fine and I now feel fully prepared for No Way Home.

#the amazing spider man #the amazing spider man 2 #the amazing Spider-Man #the amazing Spider-Man 2 #the amazing spider man spoilers #andrew garfield #emma stone #sally field #criminal minds #george foyet #spider man no way home

[zombieratt]

Alright so forewarning this is LONG as FUCK specifically because i came up with this idea in early high school and was just today POSESSEd By the Spirit Of Musical Theatre to put it to paper— er Tumblr.

So without further ado:

DEAR EVAN HANSEN BUT EVAN ISNT A TERRIBLE PERSON AND CONNOR LIVES.

the beginning is the same, canon diverges just after waving through a window.

*this ended up getting written is script format? i also just sorta ignore alana’s whole exsistance bc in this version of the play she’s unnecessary*

In the moments before he talks to Connor evan decides to omit Zoe from his letter, having resolved himself to move on from her. (instead of being a hella creep.)

Connor: “dear Evan Hansen,” what are you writing letters to yourself? *he laughs*

Evan: its, uh, its for my therapist. its just a stupid little assignment that she says is supposed to help me process my feelings or— uh or something

Connor: hm. here. * hands Evan the letter*

Connor: your cast. no one’s signed it.

Evan: uh no. no one has.

Connor: gotta sharpie?

Evan: huh?

Connor: gotta sharpie? im gonna sign it.

Evan: *handing the sharpie to Connor* w- whuh uh why?

Connor: *shrugs* feels right.

Evan: i wish i could do that

Connor: what?

Evan: UH, IMEAN—

Connor: no wait- dude.

Evan: i mean uh, i meant that i wish i could just be, y’know impulsive like that.

Connor: Why Cant you be?

Evan: i uh, my heads pretty messed up, and stuff like that just, makes it worse i guess.

Connor: well theres some thing we have in common— were both fucked up in the head.

*the bell rings*

Evan: oh shoot! i missed the bus—

Connor: i’ll give you a ride.

Evan: are you sure i mean i can walk its not far-

Connor: all the more reason, i probably have to pass it on my way home anyway, cmon.

——

they meet Zoe in the parking lot

Zoe: I have Late practice today

Connor: whatever, gotta passenger.

Zoe: who the fuck would be crazy enough to trust your ability to drive?

Evan *being Brave*: Me Apparently?

Zoe: Uh, Evan Right?

Evan: yeah, uh, yeah.

Zoe *holding her hand out to be shaken*: i’m Zoe, we’ve met though right?

Evan wipes his hand on his shirt and shakes it: yeah, uh, nice to formally meet you, Zoe.

Zoe: i’m off, don’t kill him stoner.

Connor: i wont Princess

Evan breathing heavy: that was,, an eventful ten minutes.

Connor: oh fuck— you cool? or—

Evan: Panic Attack.

Connor: Right, uh

Connor: can you get in the car?

Evan: yeah

*car nonsense*

Connor: Can i start driving or do you want me to wait

Evan: Distractions are good,, Can Uh, Can you Talk about Stuff?

Connor: What stuff!??

Evan: any Stuff!

Connor: Is Zoe okay??

Evan: Sure?!

Connor: Uhh we don’t get along as well as we used to?

we were really close as kids, shes a huge asshole now but *fully venting now*

i kind of miss it you know? having someone to talk to and care about— and i still care about her— but its scary and i always fuck it up! not to mention the fact that our parents hate me— make her see me as some alien and not just a fucked up kid who wants to talk and — (more ranting that i dont feel like writing, but its a whole monologue bro)

Evan: Connor

Connor snaps his mouf shut: yeah

Evan: thanks

Connor: oh that, uh actually helped?

Evan: yeah focusing on your voice and whats real and stuff— it makes a difference.

Neither of them noticed that Connor was just sort of Driving. they end up at the park where in canon Connor commits Sewer-slide.

Evan: i didn’t know there was a park here.

Connor: huh, oh, yeah i guess i just sorta auto piloted, i come here to think.

Evan: About stuff?

Connor: Yeah, Stuff.

*the convo lulls*

Connor: do you have a laptop?

Evan: no, i uh, i left it at home? why?

Connor: give me a second

Connor walks to the car and grabs his back pack out of the back seat

Evan watches Quizzically from the swing-set

Connor pulls out a Sketch Pad and Pen, flipping to a clean page.

Connor: So tell me how to write one of those letters of yours.

Evan: uh, well you start like any other letter- just addressing it to yourself

Connor writing: Dear Connor Murphy,

Evan: and uh, my first one was supposed to be about my ideal summer vacation? since i started in middle school- but you don’t have to—

Connor: thats perfect.

Connor starts to sing for forever,

eventually Evan joins in there is a minor gay moment where they’re holding hands face to face.

the song ends with Connor hugging Evan.

Evan: its- its pretty late.

Connor obviously crying: just— just a couple more minutes.

Evan lets go and grabs Connors sketch book of the ground, closing it and handing it off to him: then how about this, labor day weekend- we actually go.

Connor: what are you talking about?

Evan: being spontaneous?

Connor: o-okay.

and it cuts to black.

theres a small montage here, as the set changes to Connor and Evans bedrooms

sincerely, me is a lament in this context, Connor and Evan are duetting from their respective rooms, writing to themselves.

(the lyrics are completely different and i will not be writing them here because thats too much fucking effort.

but they’re duetting from their bedrooms about making a connection to another person, feeling seen, for the first time. what it felt like and how they really want to keep it up but are afraid of making a mistake and ruining it.

its got some themes of waving thru a window, and a little bit of for forever, but its still largely the same notes just in a different key.)

after wards, Zoe knocks on Connors door to tell him dinner is ready to find him peacefully asleep.

requiem is the same, Zoe sees Connor as Dead to Her instead of actually dead, so some of the wording changes, so and so about how a monster doesn’t deserve peaceful rest etcetera.

school day happens, Connor doesn’t die, but the hot goss is that everyone saw Connor and Evan go home together after school, jared makes a shitty homophobic joke to Evan and Evan kind of tells him off about it. they argue and it culminates in Evan saying “well god forbid I’m friends with someone who isn’t YOU!” or smth like tht and it hits jared right the fuck at home man.

Connor says from the side lines: damn that was pretty hard core dude.

Evan: you have, no idea how long i’ve wanted to do that.

Connor honest to god l a u g h s, theres a number of people who hear it and lose their shit, Zoe being one of them: i have a pretty good idea, wanna get some lunch?

Evan: yeah, sure.

this general routine continues until labor day weekend, when they plan to go on their little escape. theres a short scene of Connor leaving the house with his keys and a backpack.

Connors mom confronts Zoe about his oddly upbeat attitude and hows he’s seemed differently lately Zoe Shrugs but decides to investigate his room.

she finds the letters. the first one is for forever, the theme plays as she reads it frantically, and is signed “Sincerely me (connor murphy)” so she knows its him, i f i could tell her begins but its a real duet between Connor and Zoe and at the end she resolves to try harder to connect to him.

Evan sings disappear to Connor after breaking into a formerly public park, in this context its him confessing that he broke his arm attempting su!c!de. Connor records it, for personal reference.

jared hacks Connors phone and steals the video, posting it to yt, in an effort to ruin their friendship.

Evan and Connor get in a little fight about it, and in the meantime Evan is called to the school to give an assembly because hes a phenomenal speaker and Disappear got like 1000000 views over night.

Zoe and Connor bond a little bit in a short scene before the assembly

Zoe: wheres Evan what happened?

Connor: Kleinman Did!

Zoe: what?

Connor: Why Do you care?

Zoe: because! you look happy around him!

Connor: i, i do?

Zoe: yeah? he could tell the worst joke ever written and you’d crack up. i haven’t heard you laugh like that in years Connor, maybe ever.

Connor: oh.

Zoe: Come back inside?

Connor: y, Yeah.

they all perform You Will Be Found together.

end act 1.

(no more dialogue from here i got tired)

to break in a glove is Connor’s dad trying to reconnect with him, it goes mediocrely, but Connor feels like hes being seen by his dad for the first time in years. its said in metaphors, but this is Connors dads way of saying that if Connor is willing to put in the work, so is he. they hug at the end, things are looking up. some talk of therapy is sprinkiled in the dialogue as they walk of stage together.

Only Us is Evan and Connor saying that they saved each other. its loosely romantic, as its a love song, but they don’t out right say that they’re in love or anything, they don’t know if theyre ready for that. its a promise. the song ends with Connor finally apologizing for pushing Evan over at the beginning of the show.

good for you is sung by jared only, as a power ballad, about losing people you didn’t treasure. its his attempt at an apology, but it ultimately fails, since jared is unable to take responsibility for his own actions. this is where jared and Evan go their separate ways.

Evan’s mom comforts him, as he sings words fail, which is about specifically jared, and how their rocky friendship is ruined and Evan pegs himself as the cause, instead of parents or perfect girl he uses metaphors that apply to best friends— maybe more. and talks about how he didn’t try, he was happy so he ignored that jared was hurting, and how that was really shitty of him. but instead of it being a generally somber song the end is lighter, because Connor is there— waving through his front window.

Evans mom sings So Big/So Small as Evan steps out the front door to embrace Connor and they mime talking about jared, hug and take hands. the house moves off stage in preparation for the finale.

Connor and Evan open the finale saying each others names, and sing it together as the test of the cast (minus jared) joins in, Evans mom taking his hand and Zoe Taking Connors, Evans mom the Murphys and Zoe break off to the back where Evan and Connor finish the final “all i see is sky for forever” while looking into each others eyes, and finish the musical by embracing (maybe kissing if thats ur jam).

#dear evan hansen #deh #connor murphy #evan hansen #zoe murphy #musicals #broadway #deh rewrite i guess? #this is more like the outline of a fic i’ll never write #kd.txt #i was posessed to write this #tree bros

[queen-scribbles]

Lisa Shepard vs Batarians

Behold, a meta about Lisa I’ve long wanted to write, inspired by this post about Torfan(got kinda long for just a reblog) and motivation provided by @fourthage‘s Mass Effect giveaway. (I’m much better about finishing things when I can give it a deadline, lol)

----

Lisa is my Colonist/Ruthless Infiltrator Shep, and let me tell you, that background combo made her really interesting to play(through the first two games, at least; my computer crashed before I had a chance to import her to ME3, rip) bc she has this big, glaring problem with batarians. The tl;dr is Mindoir was deeply traumatizing and no batarian ever did enough to counter the extremely negative image she has of their race as a result. (apologies for slight stream-of-consciousness rambling, I tried to rein it in, but I think I was only partially successful >.>)

So we start, obviously, on Mindoir. Lisa’s the oldest of four with three younger brothers; Justin, Finn, and Connor, and had two best friends; Javier and Laura. Life was routine and uneventful and the only thing she cared about the larger galaxy was getting to explore it with Javi and Laura after they all graduated.

And then the batarian raid happened. Lisa didn’t see her parents die, but she did see friends die in the initial attack, as well as Laura’s dad. She had to watch Finn and his best friend(Talitha) get dragged to a shuttle. She, Javi, and Laura hid in a storage shed with their remaining younger siblings(one of Laura’s sisters was gone, too) in hopes of keeping them safe. They spent the next three days in there. They were found by a few batarian patrols, somehow managed to kill them all with bare hands and makeshift weapons(or stolen, Lisa got a pistol off one she killed), even as their own numbers got picked down, younger sibling by younger sibling, and then Laura, and then Javi, until.Lisa was the last one left, memory etched with hearing her best friends and younger brothers, brothers she’d promised her parents she’d look out for, die very terrible deaths. 

She was found by a couple soldiers from the rescuing Alliance patrol, and actually attacked them when they first came in the storage shed. They had to calm her down, and one went so far as to pull off his helmet so she could see they were human and weren’t going to hurt her. He introduced himself as Gabe and guided her out of her personal hell, both literally and figuratively. After everything she’d witnessed and heard and knew had happened to the colony, to her home, at the hands of the batarians, Lisa didn’t feel the least bit guilty for being glad the Alliance killed every last one of the slaving bastard scum they found. She’d lost everyone in the world she cared about to those monsters, she had every right to be glad they paid for it.

The soldier, Gabe, stuck with her until she’d made it back to Earth and escorted her to the foster home that had agreed to take her in. checked up on her a few times, offered to let her live with him and his roommates(another man and a woman, all three of them soldiers) if she wanted to. She took him up on that, and by the end of the third or fourth month, he was big brother and best friend rolled into one. Being on Earth meant she didn’t really have much(if any) direct interaction with batarians, but she was still working through her trauma and every time she heard them mentioned in news reports it was batarian pirates attacking a civilian vessel or batarian slavers raiding another colony--human, turian, whatever, all it did was reinforce her hostile view of them as a race.

She joined the Alliance military when she turned eighteen, feeling it was the best way to act out her gratitude of them saving her. She still missed her family and friends, of course, but she was healing and adjusting and while batarians still get her hackles up, she wouldn’t go out of her way to cause trouble with them. Largely because that would reflect badly on the Alliance, and she doesn’t want that. She proves to be an excellent soldier, tech genius, and near-unparalleled sniper, which is what gets her the rec for N-school(courtesy of Captain Anderson, who was Gabe’s CO. Gabe introduced them the day she enlisted). She excels in N-school(she’s always been the sort to thrive on challenge) and is clearly going to graduate with flying colors, so she and Gabe work it out--he’s coming for the ceremony, they each manage to get leave for the following week, they’re gonna spend time catching up and celebrating and just get to see each other face to face for the first time in... over a year. 

And then, the week before graduation, Gabe is killed rescuing a diplomat’s kid from, you guessed it, batarian pirates(he’s one of only three KIA on that mission, which doesn’t make it sting any less)..That is when they cross the point of no return in her eyes. Two separate groups of batarians are responsible for the deaths of her family twice over. Clearly this was not a “few bad individuals” thing; this is a failing of them as a people(A people who have enslaving others enshrined as part of their culture to the point of calling it discrimination when they’re not allowed to practice it). 

She is a driven, pragmatic, determined individual who wants to represent humanity and the Alliance well and so works just fine alongside every other race in Council space. She’s always willing to help, also always willing to make the hard calls to get a job done bc she learned early that people die. You can’t save everyone every time. You still try your damnedest to do it, but sometimes you can’t. And sometimes people die as a result of your decisions and you have to be able to live with that. She can. 

And then TORFAN. Well, first Elysium, and then Torfan. By this point, she’s N4, risen to Commander, and absolutely willing to push her squad however hard it takes to accomplish their goal. (In any circumstances, these just happen to hit a tad closer to home than usual) The fight through Torfan’s tunnels to the pirate base is brutal, and there are several times her men point out maybe they should turn back. But she pushes on bc their mission is to take out this group of pirates. In her mind, batarians are already a threat, given their culture of slaving, piracy, and utter disregard for life and others in general. If they get away with attempting a full-scale attack like they did on a world like Elysium, they’ll be exponentially more dangerous. So there have to be repercussions and they have to be swift and they have to be brutal and unflinching and if she’s the one who doles that out so be it. 

It costs her 3/4 of her squad, but they do it. They fight the pirates to the point of surrender and then Lisa shoots them anyway. Her mission was to eliminate the enemy, and she’s A) worried the batarians are surrendering as a show, with no intention of actually being prisoners, and B) convinced even if they did surrender, the Hedgemony would demand their return as “political prisoners” or something, with good odds they’d be released after just enough time this  “incident” will have faded from people’s memory, and she doesn’t want to risk either. So the dozen-odd surrendering batarians still.die. And while she didn’t take pleasure or satisfaction in doing it, she doesn’t regret it either. Her thought process is somewhere along the lines of “These are sadistic, murdering, slaving scumbags, who have the audacity to ask for the mercy they would never in a million years show their victims. The galaxy is better off without them.”) She doesn’t care it gets her labelled “The Butcher of Torfan” and that people look askance at her when they know her record. She got the job done, the galaxy is just that much safer, and she’s not going to lose any sleep over batarians.

She makes N7 and gets the Spectre nomination bc she pushes herself just as hard as anyone under her command, always gets the job done, and--aside from batarians--has no issue working with other races. When it comes to anyone else; turians, asari, hanar, whoever, she’s all too happy to follow Kaidan’s “jerks and saint, just like us” philosophy and judge them on an individual basis, but--and I’ve actually had her say this in fic--”If you ever find a saintly batarian, let me know and I’ll pin a medal on their chest my-damn-self”. Between what’s known of batarians as a race and culture and her own first or second hand experience, there is nothing redeeming about them in her eyes. (And it’s a very good thing she didn’t run into any during that... week after the Talitha encounter in ME1, bc she probably would have ripped them to shreds with just her bare hands and her omnitool after hearing what that poor girl went through.) She’s not going to go out of her way to gleefully/vindictively slaughter them, but she’s not feeling too charitable or sympathetic toward them, either. If I may make a cross-franchise reference, Lisa’s feeling on batarians are very similar to how Fenris feels about mages in DA2, only unlike him, she hasn’t gotten any examples they’re not all Like That(TM).

As of the end of ME2, she has not seen any evidence to counter her view of batarians, so it’s a view she’s gonna go into ME3 holding(whenever I get around to completely redoing her game), and I don’t see her changing it much at this point. It’s a flaw, and it’s one that’s going to persist probably her entire life, but it made playing her so much fun. (especially since my two previous Shepards were 98% Paragon ANGELS who are best described as bleeding hearts. xD) 

#lisa shepard #mass effect meta #hooo boy that got long #torfan #mindoir #tried to stay vague about what she saw on mindoir but if it's still bad enough i should tag let me know #mindoir was BAAAAD

[ashintheairlikesnow]

A Little Brother’s Warning: Ryan Michaelson

This was a request from @burtlederp! Hope it’s what you were looking to read :)

Tagging the Danny crew: @bleeding-demon-teeth, @spiffythespook, @finder-of-rings, @whumpywhumper, @pumpkinthefangirl, @special-spicy-chicken, @whale-whumps

CW: Not much. Some reference to the events of So Broken and Not Broken, so you’ll need to read those before it makes much sense, probably. Discussion of violence.

"The American healthcare system can stop panicking now," Ryan Michaelson announces as he pulls aside the hospital bed's curtain with a flourish and holds up the small, surprisingly heavy black rectangle in his free hand. "The money is here."

Then he pauses, making a face at what he sees.

“You’re definitely not my brother.”

“N-No, thank God,” Nate replies, voice dry as a desert. He’s sitting with his legs hanging off the edge of the bed and still has his jeans on from earlier, although Ryan notes with a lurch in his stomach that he can see dark spatters of blood soaked into them. Instead of a shirt he’s wearing one of those tie-in-the-back hospital gowns, pale blue and printed with tiny little flowers. “We can’t all h-h-have the misfortune.”

“I think you mean the epic good luck, thanks... besides, your weird-ass relationship with my brother would be much creepier.” Ryan recovers easily from the moment of surprise - expecting to see his tall, long-limbed brother and a shock of red hair and instead getting the shorter, more muscular, dark-haired Nate Vandrum.

“In, indeed.” Nate sighs and looks down at his hands. They’re heavily bandaged, the both of them, and Ryan swallows a little. “D-D-Danny is g-getting… he needed st-stitches on one of th-the cuts. He’ll b-b-be back in a bit.”

"And you?"

Nate shrugs. "I c-cut one hand. My b-b-bad hand is b… bruised, m-m-mostly, but I scraped the kn-knuckles, so they wrapped it up, t-too."

Ryan fights a sense of nervousness at walking into a place where Danny should be and finding him not there, shaking that off quickly enough as he pulls up one of those awful hospital chairs, designed to look like they’re padded but it still feels like you’re sitting on bumpy stone nothing anyway.

The last time he was in a hospital, Danny had pneumonia and it had been an absolute nightmare trying to deal with his terrors and trauma while Nate huddled in the waiting room, rubbing his hands together, utterly unable to do a fucking thing until Danny was sedated.

This time, Ryan walked into a room to find Nate Vandrum the patient, sitting perfectly still in a way that unsettles him. It makes him think of those nature documentaries with predators that just lie in wait. Nate is calm, placid even, his green eyes dark and fathomless.

Somehow, Ryan feels even less prepared for this.

He drops into the chair, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “So… on the phone, uh, you said you guys got attacked by someone? You weren’t… super up for giving me details at the time, so…”

Nate rolls his eyes - just barely - and Ryan fights a smile at the simple sign that he’s human. There are days Nate Vandrum feels more like a bit of stone or a robot following his brother around the world. “I w-w-was busy,” He says, not quite flat.

“Are you busy now?” He keeps the irritation out of his voice… but only just.

Nate glances down and over at him, and then sighs. His fingers twitch where they stick out from the bandages and he winces, a little. “I g-g-guess not. Someone… t-triggered Danny, at th-th-the bookstore.”

Ryan nods, slowly, hands folded over his stomach where he slumps gracefully into the chair - or at least does the best he can to slump, as the chair’s hard wooden back and awful pastel padded backing fights him every step of the way. “He triggers a lot. Less often now, and I don’t think at the bookstore in forever…”

“N-No, Michaelson,” Nate says, shaking his head. Ryan looks back up at him, noticing for maybe the first time how tired Nate looks. There are shadows under his eyes, around the bottoms of his cheekbones. He looks older than he is, and Ryan’s mocked him for it relentlessly before even knowing that he shouldn’t, but he can’t see anything to mock in that face right now. “This g-guy… triggered him on p-purpose.”

Ryan feels his heart still, for just a second, before it beats again. “On purpose? What… what do you mean, on purpose?”

Nate slumps over a little, shoulders hunching, resting his elbows on his thighs. “His n-n-name-... the guy th-that hurt D-Danny… is C-C-Connor M… Manning. He’s a p-prison guard at… at B-B-... at his p-p-prison.” He swallows, rubs at his face with one hand, and Ryan understands all at once - like cold water washing down his back - just why Nate looks so old sometimes.

It’d age anyone fast, to keep so much locked inside themselves for so long.

“Did he… he drove all this way?” Ryan’s voice drops into something closer to a whisper. “Just to, to get Danny fucked up? Did that-... that motherfucker tell him to?”

There is a rage that stirs in him at the thought, the buried anger that usually only comes out when he’s blackout drunk. He feels it inside him, pressing against the confines of his skin. His left hip starts to warm up oddly, like someone is holding a heating pad to it for too long.

“I d-d-don’t know y-yet. The cops t-t-took him in. Danny was s-s-sitting on a couch, I just… I just w-walked away for a second, Michaelson, it’s… just a second.” There was guilt on Nate’s face and in his voice, and some petty childish little voice in Ryan wanted to snap back you shouldn’t have, what were you thinking but the thing was… that was his mother’s voice. That was how she talked to Danny, about Ryan.

And he’d be damned if he was going to turn into Corrine today.

“I know,” He says instead and his voice is softer than he even meant it to be, and Nate looks up, surprised, to meet his eyes.

Honey-colored eyes (where are you from? Well-meaning people used to ask, and when Ryan would say Northern California, just like you they’d snort and then ask, with an awful subtle emphasis, no, no, where is your family from?) meet the dark, deep green.

Nate looks at him, a little stunned, and then his eyes drop back to his bandaged hands. “H-he, uh. Melody came and g-g-got me-”

“Melody? Oh, the one with pink hair. I like her. She’s an absolute doll. I went on a few dates with her a couple months back, but then, you know, Remy and I started talking more and…” He trails off. Nate’s face hasn’t changed, but somehow… Ryan catches himself anyway. “Sorry. You keep talking. I want to know.”

“Right. I d-d-don’t know what h-happened, and D-Danny’s not talking, or doesn’t kn-know… I’m not s-s-sure which. M-Melody told me Danny had l-left with some… some g-g-guy, and he looked… empty.”

Ryan nods, slowly. It’s his turn to look down at his hands. He knows the exact look Nate is describing - the vacancy in Danny’s face when he’s lost in the woods, every expression an effort laced with terrified resignation. Hunched over, making himself small, covering the parts he thinks will be hurt next. “Good of her to get you,” He offers, and Nate nods slowly.

“Right. I th-thanked her, I just-”

“I’ll thank her, too,” Ryan says, not quite a whisper.

“Good. She c-c-came with me, and we were looking ar, around but I c-c-couldn’t-... I was, was so s-s-sure for a second that I’d l-l-luh…” Nate’s voice began to shake and he puts his hands up over his face, hissing through his teeth at the pain, but he doesn’t drop them, he only presses harder, until he can calm his voice.

Ryan only watches.

“I was s-sure I’d l-lost him,” Nate finally finishes. “That we w-w-wouldn’t find him, that someone had t-t-taken him but without m-me this time, I c-couldn’t be th-there to help h-him survive it…”

Ryan swallows, hard, and sits slowly forward. When he reaches out to put a hand to Nate’s knee, the older man jumps, dropping his hands to stare wide-eyed at Ryan. “Hey. I, uh. I know what it’s like to lose him. I get you.”

Nate nods, very slowly, and then says, “When I f-f-found him, M-Manning was… c-c-cutting his, ah, B-Bram’s name for him into his st-stomach.”

Red.

The heat in his hip again, the bristling, boiling, coiled-up anger that Ryan wants so badly to find some outlet for. He can feel the hissing of it in the back of his mind, the simple fact that he could have ended that asshole that had hurt his brother, if it weren’t for the sense of being constricted, held in, trapped in some way he couldn’t name. By obligation, maybe, by who he was. Even if he deserved it, a Michaelson committing cold-blooded murder…  “He was what?”

Nate stares at him. “Cutting h-his… p-puppy name into him. D-Danny was… he was in th-th-the woods. He, he was… Red.”

“That… that motherfucking son of a goddamn bitch.” Ryan takes in a deep, shaking breath, aware as he does that he can hear his own voice like it’s echoing around inside his skull.

There’s a long silence before Nate’s eyes begin to widen. “R-Ryan?”

Ryan can see every detail in his skin, every single pore, the individual black hairs on his head - hints of gray, here and there, just like Danny has a little silver. They said it was from the stress, the trauma, the years of it.

Ryan can feel, he can hear the song of blood rushing through Nate’s veins as his heart speeds up, begins to pound. He’s just so fucking alive, Nathaniel John Vandrum is so alive, and suddenly Ryan thinks that most people are just so small.

So small and so full of rivers of blood and they can lie circles around the green green land but they age fast and die in the end.

Where the fuck did that thought come from?

Nate ducks his head, looks at Ryan through his hair, the way he does when he’s frightened and trying to appease - what Ryan thinks of as his Looking at Denner face. His voice shakes again, and he’s so human. “Ryan, please let go of me-... your, your eyes-”

Ryan blinks and looks down to realize he has his hand closed around Nate’s bad knee so tightly his fingernails are digging in and fuck, he needs to clip them like yesterday, they’re nearly long enough to go right through the heavy denim fabric.

He yanks his hand back quickly. “Shit, Nate, I’m sorry, I… I just-... he was cutting Red into him?”

Nate nods, silent, his eyes moving from Ryan’s face to his hands and back to his face again. There’s a wary nervousness on his face that hadn’t been there before, and he shakes himself all over. “I s-s-saw him and I asked him what he was d-d-doing and th… the next thing I know, I’m b-b-beating the d-d-daylights out of him and D-D-Danny was t-t-telling me to, to stop.”

Ryan considers this, trying to press back his anger. Someone had hurt Danny… again. Life kept kicking his older brother while he was down, again and again, and Ryan only ever stood by and watched, absolutely unable to do a damn thing. He’s been complicit in every single awful thing his mother and father had ever done, he couldn’t help when Danny went missing, he had to stand in a different room while Danny filmed his testimony because it hurt, so badly, to not be able to help.

And now… this.

In this case, he’d been at the gym when Danny was triggered and absconded with, he’d been on a fucking weight machine because it was fucking arms day when some asshole was cutting his brother up, carving that motherfucker’s stupid fucking dog name into him-

“R-R-Ryan… please, your, y-y-your eyes,” Nate says, very low, the soft submissive voice he’d only used once with Ryan before, when Ryan’s hands were about to go around his neck and Nate had started seeing things, hallucinating him as Denner and his stupid dead sister.

Nate, hands bloody and bandaged from beating the shit out of someone who had hurt Danny, is scared of him.

Ryan snaps himself out of it, pressing one hand lightly on his hip. He can’t remember exactly when it started, but he ached there all the time now when he got really, really angry… Maybe just a blood pressure thing.

“Y-your eyes g-glow when you’re ah, angry,” Nate whispers, and Ryan blinks at him. He feels a little worn out, all of a sudden, and slumps back the way he had been before.

“What?” He rubs at his temple with the palm of one hand, a headache starting to inch its way in. Dehydrated, he thinks - he hadn’t had enough water today, and he’d been at the gym when he got the call and probably hasn’t had anything since...

“Y-y-your eyes gl… glowed… You g-g-glow when you’re ah, angry. Just l-like him.”

“No, I don’t.” Ryan frowns, unsettled by the open fear in Nate’s face. Scared of him - and, no matter what he felt about Nate, he didn’t want the older man to be scared of him. “Look, you’re seeing shit, like you said. You had a freakout, you did a really good thing, you’re just coming down from it. Danny sees shit all the fucking time.”

“I’m n-not Danny,” Nate says, but he looks uncertain, now. Second-guessing himself. “I t-t-take my pills, I see Dr. Rosa, I haven’t h-had a visual one s-s-since…”

“Doesn’t mean you won’t have one today. When’s the last time someone actually attacked Danny?”

Nate doesn’t answer, but his green eyes have turned inward, and Ryan sighs, wondering how long he’ll have to sit with his brother’s boyfriend pretending to get along. There’s a long silence punctuated only by the ticking of a clock hanging off the wall over by the hospital room’s TV. Ryan can hear nurses chatting down the hall, the squeaky sound of someone rolling an IV with a bad wheel.

Somewhere, they are sewing his brother up - and Ryan quirks a hint of a bitter smile. “Hey, I should tell you something, Vandrum.”

Nate rakes a hand back through his hair - then hisses at the flash of pain.

Ryan barely hides his laugh. “Oh, no, you won’t have access to your all-time favorite nervous habit. You’re going to be a fucking mess, huh?”

Nate drops his hand, slowly, and glances down at Ryan with that same unsettled expression. Any other day, he’d snap back, have some retort, and they’d both leave feeling like they either won or at least held up their end of things fairly well.

Today…

Ryan eventually sighs. “Hey. Look. Before I’m any more of an asshole than I already am-”

“Too late,” Nate says dryly, miraculously without stuttering through the words.

“Ha ha, you’re hilarious.” Ryan rolls his eyes, and Nate cracks a smile - faint and barely there, but he sees it. Both of them slowly begin to relax. “I wanted to say… um… thanks. For going after him, for… for stopping the guy. For busting the shit out of your already-busted hand to defend my brother. All of it. I’m.. sorry I wasn’t there, to back you up.”

“You’re s-s-sorry you weren’t th-there? On our d-d-date with us?” Nate raises an eyebrow - just the one, all by itself, and it’s a skill Ryan would kill to master.

“... fuck off, you know what I mean. At least you admit you’re dating now, you gave him a ring and still didn’t admit-”

“I l-love him.” Nate cut him off, voice suddenly firm and stronger than it had been before. “Ah. We s-said it today... I l-love him.”

Ryan is silent, staring at him, and then says in a low voice, “Well I should fucking hope so, Vandrum, because otherwise you’ve been mooching off my brother’s total adoration for you for a year now. Why are you telling me something I already know?”

“Y-you knew?”

“Of course I knew. I can read people, my brother best of all, and he was in love with you a long time before I had to look at your fucking face every day while I’m trying to eat breakfast.” Ryan sighs and pulls his credit card back out, fiddles with it. It’s plain black, with the faintest shimmer if you turn it the right way under the light. He’d been so proud of himself when Dad gave him his first card attached to the family account.

What’s… what’s the limit on this, Dad?

The limit is ‘don’t do anything stupid’.

The silence draws out between them, but it’s a little more companionable than it had been before. Finally, Nate shifts around a little, and Ryan glances over at him, then at the TV, playing some kind of mindless house-hunting show. I think the last time I was in a hospital and someone wasn’t watching HGTV I was ten and it was when Danny fell out of the tree.

“Look…” Ryan clears his throat when his voice catches, tries again. “Look. I want to say something to you about this bullshit you have going with my brother. You buying him that ring, and all that.”

Nate looks at him, and something in his jaw sets. “I w-w-won’t apologize for the r-ring, Michaelson. He d-d-deserves something to r, remind him.”

Looking at Nate’s face, Ryan is reminded of the cold, hostile mask he had worn at trial, self-protective, an attempt to keep Abraham Denner from seeing him get upset. Nate had said more than once Denner fed on it, and Ryan had to admit, he did seem to leave every day energized when everyone else was exhausted. 

“I’m not asking you to apologize for the ring, jackass. I wanted to say…” He flips the card over, looks at his name printed on the back. “I just… don’t fuck it up.”

“What?” Nate blinks - this is clearly not what he expects to hear.

“Don’t fuck it up. My brother’s whole life, everyone around him wants somebody else more than him… except for me, I guess. He’s my only brother and the only one I want, anyway. But… everybody else. Mom, Dad, his boyfriends in high school and college… everyone decides they want someone else, and they fuck right off, and the universe kicks my brother in the balls once again.”

“M-Michaelson, I don’t intend-”

“Shut up and listen. I get that you two… that you figured each other out or something, up there.” Ryan waves one hand in the air, as though Canada were a mile in the air instead of several hundred miles north. “I get it. But he���s my big brother, and he’s kind of my little brother, too, now, after everything that happened to him…” He swallows, and leans forward, catching Nate’s eyes and holding them.

“Vandrum, if you fuck this up - if you hurt him, if you add one more kick to the balls for my big and little brother… please trust me that some asshole in an alley is the least of your problems. If you break his heart, I will fucking murder you.”

Nate stares at him, and then starts to laugh, leaning slowly over. He has a low, deep laugh that breaks out of him, as though he works so hard to keep it inside that he’s sort of forgotten the sound. “I h-h-haven’t been given this s-speech since I was, ah, y-y-younger than y-you. And last t-time it was his father, and h-he had a sh, shotgun.”

“I don’t have guns - not on me, anyway - but I do have the amazing superpower of being a little brother who waited four fucking years to see Danny smile again.” Ryan shrugs, holding his hands out with palms to the ceiling in a ‘what can you do’ gesture. “I mean it, Vandrum. Thanks for saving him today, and… for saving him before, too, I guess. But if you fuck up and hurt him, I will definitely make your death slow and painful.”

Nate smiles at him, the scar at one corner of his mouth pulling it just slightly to the side. After a second he holds out one bandaged hand, leaning over, and Ryan meets it - not shaking, he’s too hurt for that. They touch palms, a bare brush of fingers, and call that enough. “Deal.”

“I will murder you.”

“G-Got it.”

“Very, very slowly.”

“Y-Yes, you s-s-said that.”

“With a really confusing murder weapon so the cops never know what killed you.”

“Right.”

They sit there smiling at each other until Danny comes back, pushed in a wheelchair that he looks almost comically too tall to actually sit in.

Ryan turns to look at his brother, relieved just to see the clear blue eyes. The scarring around his face, his neck, his hands and arms… all of it to Ryan is just part of who Danny is, now. He never bats an eyelash at it, it all means Danny lived, that he came home.

Nate Vandrum set a fire - and Nate Vandrum beat a guy half to death in an alleyway - and Ryan had to admit… he was maybe 10% less of an asshole than Ryan told everyone he was.

“Hey, Ryan,” Danny says, with a lopsided smile. “You came to drive us home?”

“I came to pay your medical bills, you doof.” Ryan says, rolling his eyes. Then he looks up at the nurse, flashing her his most brilliant smile. She blushes, just a little, and he reads across her face an easy enough story of how quickly she would give him her number if he asked.

Too bad, he thinks. Remy’s been calling again, and… he’ll skip the opportunity, this time. Maybe next time, though.

“Is there someone from billing I could talk to?” Ryan asks her, and watches her tuck a bit of hair behind her ear with a smile.

“You’re his brother?” She asks, head tilting his slightly.

Ryan laughs. “Yes. I’m Ryan Michaelson. I’m also the money.”

#Daniel michaelson's story #whump #trauma recovery whump #siblings #brothers #original fiction #caretaker #caretakers #recovering whumpee #hospital #medical whump #not really #but still #little brother shenanigans #threatening the boyfriend: a time honored family tradition

[shawnpetermuffins]

Pictured with You (iii.)

A/n: I wanted to insert a little more Connor in this one, so here we go.

Summary: Connor thinks y/n and Shawn are getting too close and thinks they need to slow down.

Warnings: some fluff, some angst, and a lot of flashbacks

Word count: 2.5k

***

The bus is quiet except for the soft clicks of my keyboard as I edit some photos, and Connor's occasional sigh when he can't fit a clip with another. Everyone had gone to bed hours ago, but neither of us were willing to stop working yet. Connor claimed his footage and ideas were "too exciting to put off until morning." But I just wasn't quite ready to sleep yet.

"Your knee is still pretty banged up," Connor mutters, looking up from his laptop.

I look down at the rough scab and run a finger over it, wincing. "Yeah, I probably should have taken better care of it after Shawn cleaned it."

"Hmm… I don't know why he was the one to clean it anyway."

I think back to the night just a week ago, when I was so determined to get the perfect shot, that I tripped and scraped up my knee pretty bad.

I don't even notice it, really. At least not at first. It's not until I feel that little bit of wetness on my jeans that I realize I might have hit something. And it's confirmed when Shawn comes into the green room, high on adrenaline. He reaches for me, like he does after every show despite the dirty looks from Andrew and Cez (who I'm assuming knows about Shawn's supposed promise to not try anything), but he stops short when he notices my leg.

"What the hell happened? Are you okay? Why are you bleeding?"

I brush off his worry with a dismissive hand. "I'm fine. Just fell when I was trying to get a photo. I got it, by the way, and it's definitely my favorite."

"Uh huh, that's great, hon. But you are really bleeding," he's on his knees in front of me, carefully trailing his thumb around the raw skin, seeing as the scrape also tore my jeans. "Does this hurt?" He pushes gently around my leg and I wince.

"Fuck. Yeah."

He sighs, "sit down."

"What? Why?"

"I have to clean it. It might get infected."

"Connor," I shake my head. "He was just being a good friend."

"Y/n, you can't keep saying that's all it is. I know what you look like when you like someone. I was once on the receiving end of it, remember that?"

"Fucking obviously, Con. And bow did that end for us?"

"We're still great friends," he tries to reason.

"But do you remember how long it took for us to get back here? We didn't talk for months. And no offense, but I'm not willing to lose my friendship with Shawn because I might have feelings for him. After what happened with us, I can't risk that again."

"So you do like him?"

I cross my arms over my chest defensively, "Yes. But it doesn't matter. I'm not gonna do anything about it."

"Other than lead him on?"

"Excuse me?"

He chuckles bitterly, "Nice hoodie."

"Don't." I give him a pointed look.

"When did he give it to you? Was it on one of your late night adventures?"

"How did you-?"

"You're not as quiet about leaving as you think you are."

"You're a dick. You know that?"

"I'm not the one playing with my friend's heart. Wearing his clothes, sitting in his lap when you think no one's around, sharing drinks, picking off each other's plates, sharing earbuds, falling asleep on each other, kissing foreheads and cheeks."

The more things he points out, the angrier I get. At myself, of course. Because he's right. This has gone way past unprofessional and I hate that I've let things go this far, knowing full well that we shouldn't be doing any of the things that we do.

"Do you see how this looks? Frankly, you and Shawn are lucky Andrew hasn't said anything to you guys yet."

"It won't get to that point," I mumble, shifting uncomfortably in my seat, suddenly too hot in Shawn's hoodie.

"I hope not, because I would hate to see you lose your job because you let your feelings get in the way."

"It won't happen," I say again.

He sighs as he watches me shrug out of Shawn's youth hoodie. "I'm not doing this to be mean, y/n. You know I love and care about you. That's why I'm saying this. I don't want to see you or Shawn get hurt."

I nod, "I know." I clear my throat. "I'm gonna go to bed. I'll see you in the morning."

"Y/n."

I sigh and turn back to face him, "Yeah?"

"You know I love you, right?"

I chew the inside of my cheek and stand up, fixing my shirt. "Yep." I grab my laptop and go to the bunks where I fully intend to cry myself to sleep.

---

The tears fall silently once I'm settled in my bunk. Thinking about how much Shawn and I are jeopardizing not only our professional relationship, but our friendship too. I can't be wearing his clothes like it's nothing.

I walk out of the bathroom, freshly showered and the boys all turn to me, Shawn's eyes stay locked on me longer than Brian's or Connor's. And there's no masking the big smile on his face.

"What?" I ask quietly, sitting next to him.

"Nothing, nothing. You just look cozy, that's all." He pulls gently at the strings and boops my nose.

I scrunch up my face and get comfortable in my spot, legs underneath me as I scroll through Instagram.

And I wish I didn't know what Connor was referring to when he said I can't be sitting in Shawn's lap.

But we really did think we were the only ones in the room.

We're in his dressing room and Shawn's pulling his pinky ring on and off his finger over and over again, barely breathing, but letting out a loud sigh when he realizes how long it's been since he last took in air. It's hard to take pictures of him when he's like this. Anxious and fidgety. So I put my camera beside me and take his hands in mine, knowing that physical contact is always what helps calm him down. It didn't take a genius to figure that out.

"What's wrong, bub?"

He exhaled deeply, letting go of my hands only to place his on my hips, pulling me down to his lap. "I don't know. I just can't think straight." His head leans forward, resting against my chest.

I wrap one arm around the back of his neck and tug softly on the curls on the back of his neck. "Well what are you thinking about?"

After a few seconds of silence, I can hear him mumble into my shirt. "Sound check was a disaster. And I haven't been able to reach my mom all day. My sister went on a date and I swear to god, I will kill that boy if he tries anything with her. And I really miss my dad because he's always telling me that it'll all be alright." He pick his head up, "and have you noticed that Connor's always staring at us when we're together? It's like he has some type of radar up when we're near each other. And he like… doesn't stop until one of us leaves. It's weird right?"

I let out a nervous chuckle, "wow, you weren't kidding when you said you were everywhere."

"Y/n."

"Shh… just close your eyes." I tilt his head back a little bit and get off his lap. He protests though and brings me back, this time straddling him, eyes still closed. I know I should, but I don't fight him on it. "Okay, I'm gonna do this thing my mom used to do when I felt restless as a kid. Just focus on my voice, okay?"

He nods, his hands resting firmly on my hips, keeping me safe against him.

And it's not like we intended to share drinks! We just both ended up getting something the other person liked.

"What'd you get?" Shawn asks, taking a sip of his smoothie, his nose wrinkling a bit after he swallows.

"They said it's piña colada. But all I'm getting is the pineapple. What'd you get?"

"Strawberry kiwi."

"But don't you hate kiwi?" I ask, taking another sip of my drink."

"I'm trying something new. Sue me."

I laugh when he coughs after a large gulp. "You don't like it, do you?"

He shakes his head, a sheepish grin on his face.

"Want to try mine?"

"Sure," he says and we switch cups. He hums in content, holding the cup just far enough from his face to stare at it the way people apparently do when they try something they like. "This is really good." He drinks a little more and I take the opportunity to try his - which, by the way, I like a lot more.

"If you want it, you can have it," I manage to say with a little smoothie still in my mouth.

"You sure?"

I nod, "I happen to like yours more too."

He just laughs and holds the cup out for us to cheers. I smile knowing I can't deny him. He makes it a point to shout out "Clink!" when our paper cups touch.

"I swear you're six years old," I mumble into the straw.

He mocks a pained expression, hand over his heart. "I am hurt. Truly devastated that you think so little of me."

I shove his shoulder, shaking my head, "Shut up!"

And until Connor brought it up, I didn't think there was anything wrong with the way Shawn and I picked food off each other's plate. We like the same food, it's not like Brian wasn't stealing fries from my plate too. What? Was I suddenly trying to get with him as well?

"Shawn, turn your face to the side real quick," I say, holding my camera up to my eye. He's stuffing an overly ranch covered fry in his mouth, but turns anyway and just as I hear the shutter sound, I reach across the table and steal a fry myself.

"I saw that," he says with a smirk.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I respond, covering my mouth as I swallow.

"You have your own fries, you know?"

"Ah, yes. But mine are cute and curly, like your hair. While yours are straight and normal, which, if you ask me, always taste better when they're not yours."

"I think all fries taste better when they're not yours. Let's test it, shall we?" He hands me another fry from his plate and takes two from mine. He's nodding before he even puts them in his mouth. "Yep, definitely confirmed."

"Don't talk with your mouth full," I scold him.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," he mimics, hands on his hips as if trying to recreate one of the many spongebob memes that have surfaced over the past couple years.

I'm quick to snap a picture of his figure and can't help but laugh out loud when it pops up on my screen.

"You know, I think it's you that makes everything better." He says seriously after I put my camera back down.

"What are you talking about?" I reach for his plate again and he doesn't even try to fight me, doesn't look down at my hand. He's just staring at my face, taking everything in. I suddenly become self conscious under the impromptu surveying he's doing and turn my face away from him to chew.

"Jesus Christ, your beautiful." I don't think he meant for me to hear that, so I pretend that I don't.

And for sure, sharing earbuds isn't flirtatious, right? Connor's just making a big deal out of nothing, trying to make me question everything I do around Shawn as if we aren't functioning adults who can make our own decisions… and mistakes.

"What are you listening to?" Shawn plops down beside me, hair wet from his shower only minutes ago.

"Dive," I mumble, scribbling a couple of sentences down.

"By Ed?"

I only respond with a soft yes because I'm on a roll with the story I'm writing and I know if I stop not I don't get that flow back.

"Can I listen too?"

I take out one earbud and hand it to him, never looking up from my piece of paper. Out of the corner of my eye. I can see him bobbing his head, and since one ear is now free to listen to the world outside of the music in my head, I can hear him tapping the table to the beat.

"Don't tell me you need me… if you don't believe it," he sings to me, holding his hand out to me, like a microphone.

I roll my eyes, but hold onto his hand ready to sing the next line. "Let me know the truth… before I dive right into you."

"I could fall, or I could fly. Here in your aeroplane."

"I could live, I could die, hanging on to words you say."

"I've been known to give my own, sitting back looking at every mess that I've made."

"So don't call me baby… unless you mean it."

We continue alternating lines until the song ends and we have stupid grins on our face despite the judging stares from Mike and Zubin.

I'm smiling like a child when Imagination comes on next and watch as Shawn grows increasingly more red. So I start singing to him.

"I keep craving, craving you. Don't know it,but it's true. Can't get my mouth to say the words they want to say to you."

He's shaking his head and takes out the earbud. I don't stop though. I sing the song, in its entirety to him, laughing continuously through every verse.

I wipe at my, no doubt, puffy eyes and turn on my side, facing say from the curtain.

Falling asleep was never the intention. I fully intended on removing myself from him once the coffee started to kick in. But the coffee never did do that. And I felt myself drifting faster and faster. It wasn't until we were at the radio station that felt a soft pair of lips on my hairline, peppering the skin with gentle, almost nonexistent kisses. "Mea vita, time to wake up, y/n/n."

I grumble softly, lifting my head just enough to rest my forehead on his. Without so much as a second thought, I press a kiss to his cheek, smiling sleepily. "Thanks for being my pillow," I murmur.

He brushes a strand of hair from my face. "Anytime."

I nudge his cheek with my nose, still half asleep, choosing to ignore that gnawing feeling in my stomach that is telling me that this is wrong. Dangerous, even, for our friendship. "Let's get to work, my cute little rockstar."

I sigh deeply. I'm gone for him. Completely. And its gonna hurt like a motherfucker when this spark - that is currently burning like a wildfire inside me - dissipates, leaving nothing but debris and loss in its wake.

***

Tags: @curlyshawny @shawns-badreputation @bbellbagel @anamariel2301 @turtoix @tomshufflepuff @ivegotparticulartaste @dino-16-avocado

PWY tags: @lifeoftheparty74 @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @alinaxxshawn @rosesfromcth @bodacious-5sos @sweetheartmendes

I hope you guys are enjoying it to far! From now on PWY is updating twice a week! I hope you're ready for this mess.

Like, reblog, and leave feedback!! 💙

#pictured with you #shawn mendes #shawn peter raul #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes smut #smfsource

[fuwafuwamedb]

A Coo For Cu Chulainn Pt 4 ( Young Rin, Cu Chulainn)

Previous Part: One, Two, Three

_____

Setanta winced, glancing towards the doorway. His hands were unclenching, his eyes returning to her as he ignored the man yelling and held his hand out to her.

Was it smart to take his hand?

Would he kill her?

“Lass,” Setanta murmured. “I swear, I’ll explain later, but let me protect you. That beast was gonna kill ya.”

She took his hand. There wasn’t many options since that man was heading their way with a stride that said there’d be hell to pay for this. Her body was held close, pressed against Setanta’s own as the angry adult looked between them.

“What the hell have you done!?!”

“Your hound was let loose before all your guests had arrived!”

“THEY HAD ARRIVED! YOU’RE LATE!”

Setanta winced, nodding. “I ah… I wished to bring my woman with me.”

A few faces from the doorway peeked out, regarding her now as the man looked over at his dead beast.

“I can help you raise another.”

“And what do I do in the meantime, boy? Huh?”

Rin moved to growl at him. He had no right to be getting that upset over this! His dog had nearly killed her and he wasn’t caring at all! She was scared. She was tired. She wanted to go home and the person holding her was a werewolf or something.

Setanta held her closer though, his forehead pressing to hers a moment.

“Peace, lass,” he murmured.

“I asked of you, what the hell do I do now that you’ve killed my hound, boy!”

She hated this man.

With every bit of her being, she hated this man more than anyone she’d ever met. Even that priest that she’d seen in her father’s house seemed better than this man.

“I’ll be your hound.”

Rin looked up at Setanta, watching him look to the stranger.

“You?”

“I killed your hound. Let me be your hound until we’ve raised one together to take over. I’ll protect you.”

Idiot.

Protecting a stupid man like this, what on earth was he thinking?

The man was looking at him though, turning his gaze between the two of them. The old man was grinning a little, tilting his head to the side.

“You think I want some half breed mutt?”

How dare-

Setanta kept her held close, his grip tightening as she went to mouth off to him.

“My blood may not be much, but my skills in fighting are unparalleled. I’ll keep ya safe.”

The man sniffed, turning.

“You’ll sleep outside every night.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And your name won’t matter since you’re nothing more than my mutt. Cu Chulainn.”

“Of course.”

That was stupid. All of this was stupid.

She couldn’t stop herself. She stormed forward, preparing to give him a mouthful when she felt Setanta- yet again- yanking her back.

The man looked back at them.

“…You best be returning that good woman back to whatever noble family that lass is from, boy. I won’t be having you kidnappin’ wenches while you’re my mutt.”

“She’s intending to find someone to help her home tonight.”

The man sniffed again, turning and stalking back into the building.

“That man’s the mutt,” Rin hissed, glaring to Setanta. “I don’t care if he can help me back. I’ll have that nice old lady from before help me get-“

“We came all the way here,” Setanta argued. “Let’s just go in, Rinn. It’ll be easier that way. I’ll see ya home and then watch over Chulainn’s pups until they grow up.”

No. That wasn’t right.

“I’ll talk to my dad when we get me home. He won’t like that either. That man’s dog nearly killed me. I’m my father’s only heir and he won’t like the fact that someone tried to hurt me.”

“It don’t work quite like that here.”

“I don’t care. It works like that where I’m from.”

And her homes had lightbulbs working and proper roads so it was clearly better.

“About the ah- the attack?”

Rin nodded, “You’re a werewolf, right?”

“A what?”

“You can turn into a wolf during the full moon, right? I’ve read stories about werewolves.”

He stared at her a moment before shaking his head. “…Rin, I ain’t like that. I just turn into a wolf when I need to. It’s a habit I got from my father. It’s not somethin’ that a lot of people know about so keep it quiet, alright?”

“I won’t tell a soul,” she promised.

“And ah…” he laughed a little, scratching at his head a little. “You can keep holding my hand if ya want. I don’t mind, but we did get in trouble and I’ll be bein’ called Cu Chulainn for a while.”

“I like your name, Setanta.” But her eyes did drift down to his hand and hers, noting how she was holding him tightly. She let go, holding her hands to her chest and looking away. “I mean- as your friend, I just- I don’t like someone making you change your name because you saved me! That’s stupid!”

“Yeah…”

She kept her face turned away for a moment, waiting for him to continue. When he didn’t say anything, she let her gaze drift back towards the boy, finding him shuffling a little closer.

“Hey Rin?”

Her face felt warm. She wasn’t used to people being this close.

“I’m really glad that you’re safe.”

His lips pressed to her cheek before his hand was wrapping around hers. She could only watch the world around her move as she followed after him into the building.

He’d kissed her cheek.

He’d saved her life and kissed her cheek and offered to work for that terrible man…

I-If only Sakura was here!

She knew how to handle nice boys being sweet. All the boys in class were used to being stupid and pushing girls around. They weren’t like…

She wasn’t sure why she really liked Setanta, but she’d forgive his stupid words about mages. He’d saved her life. She’d let his words slide this time.

Yeah…

“Oh my!”

The ladies in the room were looking down at her as she and Setanta walked over to one of the tables.

“Ladies!” Setanta grinned happily to the group, motioning to her. “May I present the lady I’m escorting? This is Rinn of the Tohsakas. She is trying to return to her village of Fuyuki. Would any of you know where that is? I’m trying to help her home.”

“Rinn?” One of the ladies nearby shook her head. “What a noble name!”

The others nodded, looking to one another.

“Is Fuyuki close to one of those southern villages?”

“We can always pray to the gods. Perhaps one of them will know.”

One of…

That wasn’t right.

There was one God. It was really hard to fully understand what was being said around here, but she was sure they had said multiple gods.

“We have to pray for the good harvest anyway and hope that Lugh doesn’t get too upset over his son being Cu Chulainn now, don’t we?” One of the ladies cooed.

Why would they pray for that and who was Lugh?

Wait…

Wait a moment.

Setanta had said he was the son of a sun god….

The ladies had said Lugh…

“Setanta,” Rin tugged at the boy’s armor a bit, her stomach twisting uncomfortably. “Setanta, what country are we in?”

“Hmm? What- country?” The boy frowned. “What’s country mean?”

“Like Japan or Korea or the United States.”

The boy was shaking his head.

“What year is it?”

“It’s the fourteenth year of the reign of Conchobar.”

The fourteenth year of the what?

“Let’s make a toast!” The evil and cruel Chulainn yelled to the room. “To my new hound, Cu Chulainn, whom shall no longer be referred to as Setanta!”

He held up his mug high, having others in the room raise their mugs.

“And to the continued rule of Conchobar! The king who shall rule the world!”

Rule the-

Oh no.

The lack of electricity, the clothes, the strange words and lack of rules-

She wasn’t in her time at all!

She was in the past!

“Setanta,” Rin hissed as the others all cheered to this weird Connor king. “Setanta, what do I do if I can’t get home?”

He looked over at her, giving a soft smile. She could feel him wrapping his arms around her, hugging her close.

“I’ll protect you until the moment we get you home,” he vowed. “Don’t lose hope yet.”

She wasn’t losing hope.

She was scared.

Her face pressed against him, ignoring the room and their cooing their way so she could take comfort in something.

“Cu Chulainn,” one of the other members of the table spoke over the other voices. “I think she is very homesick. Ask Chulainn to house her if you don’t find a way for her to get home tonight.”

“I will!”

#drabble #drabbles

[mootmuse]

dbh fic, 2898 words. hankcon-ish. 

Set around a year post good ending, about a month after Hank has hit a (vague and not specified in this fic) particularly low point. Hank is starting to try and make some changes. He and Connor talk about it.

a03 link

Connor looks over and watches Hank as he crosses the living room and drops down onto the couch. He’d been wanting to watch Hank since he’d heard Hank’s car pull up in front of the house, to watch the direction of him, but he’d been conscious of how that would make Hank feel, conscious of Hank’s hatred of feeling vulnerable, of how much Hank’s likely already felt that way today.

Connor’d restrained himself, and now that Hank is moving close to him, he gets to look.

“How was it?” he asks, unable to help himself. It’s a pleasant surprise when Hank genuinely seems to consider the question.

“I don’t know,” Hank says finally, slowly, running his tongue across his teeth. “It was… I don’t know. Pretty different from the other time. You know-” Hank meets Connor’s eyes for a second, and then he looks away. -few years ago.”

Connor waits. He watches Hank think about it, in a silent moment where they both ignore the noise of the television.

“He didn’t make me talk about, uh… any of the shit,” Hank goes on, sounding thoughtful, a little baffled. “Said I could talk about it if I wanted to. Didn’t seem like he gave a shit when I didn’t. We talked about you instead.”

Hank rolls his head to the side to look at Connor, but Connor doesn’t let himself ask. This is about Hank, not Connor - not even about what Hank might truly think about him, desperately as Connor wishes he could ask.

“Is that not typical?” Connor asks instead, as questions about Hank are the priority. “Do they usually expect you to talk about your… experiences in the first appointment?”

Connor doesn’t call it ‘trauma’. He wants to, because trauma is what it is. The fact that humans have psychological reactions to certain stimuli should be a straightforward one, a simple thing to speak aloud.

But Hank, Connor’s learned, is anything but simple. Emotions themselves, he knows, are anything but simple, but Connor doesn’t like thinking about his own emotions even now, most of a year after technically embracing them. He likes thinking about Hank instead.

Perhaps he understands Hank’s behavior now a little bit better than he used to.

Perhaps he shouldn’t talk around it, shouldn’t call them ‘experiences’ in the stead of the truer word he wants to use. North certainly wouldn’t. But it’s a good time to placate Hank, to be gentle with him, to adapt to what Hank wants in order to avoid provoking him. Then again, it often seems like a good time for doing that.

Connor’d thought about that quite a bit after Hank had made the declaration that’d led to this therapy appointment in the first place, after he’d said if Connor was so fucking determined to bury himself under Hank’s bullshit at least one of them ought to know what enabling meant, at least one of them ought to fucking do something about it, and he’d sounded angry when he’d said it, a thin layer of anger fitting badly atop a great deal of fear.

It’s hard, Connor’s found. Hard to dig through the memory files of his past behavior with Hank, find the times he’d annoyed the man deliberately or refused his orders, and flag that behavior as not enough, as not having been employed when it’d truly counted. Enabling. He knows what that means, now, a little better than he used to. A little better than he wants to.

Connor hasn’t said aloud that he misses being only a machine, although he likes to think that Hank already knows. Things had been simpler, when adapting to Hank’s mood swings and bad habits had been the right thing simply because it’d been necessary to complete his mission. That’d changed at some point, the rightness of it, but Connor hadn’t noticed when it’d happened.

“I don’t know,” Hank says, and Connor rewinds his memory just far enough to remind himself where their conversation’d been going. What kind of behavior is normal for a psychologist to expect in their client’s first appointment.

“I don’t remember, uh,” Hank goes on and Connor, specifically designed to note the most minute unsteadiness in a voice’s tone, notes it here, “the first time I went to someone like that. I was kinda, kinda out of it. So I don’t know, maybe it’s normal. Still feels weird, though, I was expecting it to be this big… you know, a big thing. A big deal.”

Hank’s more talkative than Connor expected, and Connor wonders whether he should call the good doctor up himself and ask him for a few tips. For now, he doesn’t want to risk calling too much attention to Hank’s urge to share by saying anything himself. Instead he watches Hank, spends the seconds between speech studying the minute changes in Hank’s expression, the look in Hank’s eyes, the play of light flowing over the peaks and valleys in his face and the precise degree each shadow changes while Hank reorganizes all his thoughts.  

“It helped, you know,” Hank says, after eight-point-three-five seconds. “Drinking. I know it, it- But it helped. It still… It still hurt, I guess, but it made it easier to hurt. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. I just… I miss it. Fuck, I miss it.”

Did Hank say this in his appointment too? Did he say these things out loud for the first time in a far away room where Connor couldn’t hear? Or was he quiet, sharing little, slowly losing the pressure that he’d felt to speak until he came home and shared these private truths first and foremost with Connor?

Connor knows which option he prefers. Little as he likes thinking on emotion, he knows the sharp, selfish pleasure that drives that thought to be pride.

Connor watches Hank. Connor has a way of watching people, listening - an expectant way of doing it that seldom fails to crack a subject sitting across the interview table. Not that Connor needs it now, he supposes - Hank seems like he’d go on talking all on his own.

“I told him I didn’t stop for me. Thought he’d get on my ass for that too, but he didn’t.”

It takes Connor a moment to judge just how to respond. “Thank you,” he decides, and Hank’s expression twists in distaste.

“Don’t fucking thank me, jesus. After what I put you through. I should of given it up the moment you first moved in with me, I should of fucking known better.” Hank leans an elbow on the arm of the couch and leans away from Connor, looking at the floor. “I don’t want to get better,” he goes on, in a flat voice. “I still don’t. You’ve got a right to know that. You both oughta know it.”

Connor watches him. He wants to touch, to soothe, but Hank’s vulnerable underbelly is a maze of sore spots, of pain and sensitive things, and reaching out too far too quickly might tread on one of them, snapping this honest vulnerability shut up into anger in an instant. Connor, he decides, wants to be present for this moment more than he wants the risk of ending it.

“But you’re trying anyway,” Connor says, cautious and quiet.

“Yeah,” Hank says, gaze distant. “Yeah. I’m not doing it for me.” He looks over back at Connor, the drooping slant of his eyes looking intense, intent in the low light. “I really thought that’d be it, y’know. Thought he’d kick me out when I told him that. Don’t know why. I guess, uh- I guess it’d be easier than quitting, if he did that. Then I could just stop going, come back, tell you I tried, and then… I don’t know.” Hank takes a deep breath and runs a hand over the lines of his face, the gesture as slow and heavy as the tone of his voice. “I don’t fucking know.”

A moment passes.

“What did he say?” Connor asks, adding a clarification off the inquisitive noise Hank makes in the back of his throat, off Hank’s expression, his look of a man surprised away from some deep, dark undertow of thought. “When you told him you weren’t going for your own sake? What did he tell you?”

“He said that was a start,” Hank says simply, and his lips tilt up into a wry and doubtful smile. “Something to build on or, you know, some kinda shit like that.”

“You don’t believe it is?”

Hank shrugs and looks away, his lips pressing tight together. “I don’t know, I just…  I guess... I don’t want you to get your hopes up. Okay? Just don’t, don’t-”

Hank purses his lips, hand wrapping around the edge of the couch. He swallows.

Connor weighs the risks. The weight of the expression on Hank’s face, the misery in him, tips the scale of Connor’s risk assessment over. He leans, and his hand finds the back of Hank’s neck as Hank’s hand has always found the back of his, those times when Connor is scared, or lost, or struggling with emotions which are too much, too painful to try and name. His voice is gentle, and firm, and very sure.

“If there’s one thing I”ve had to learn,” Connor says, “It’s that I can’t map out what’s going to happen tomorrow. I can’t plan out every little aspect of my future until I suck the fun right out of everything.”

Not that that last part’s particularly relevant but Connor changes the tone and shape of his words there just enough to echo protests Hank’s made in the past, to reference exasperated, argumentative moments which seem warm now in Connor’s memory. “You made sure that I learned that,” Connor adds, and sees the memories are warm for Hank, too, and he mirrors the faint, tired smile the memory sends drifting up over Hank’s face.

“I don’t expect anything, Hank. I’m just proud of you.” Connor’s eyes move over Hank’s face for a moment, and he decides to reinforce the statement. “I’m proud of you,” he says firmly, emphasizing every word to better etch them in against the biased cruelties of human memory. He wants Hank to remember, to understand.

And Hank does. He swallows again and his eyes move away, and Connor keeps watching instead of following the track of his gaze. He watches Hank’s nostrils flare as his breathing goes rough.

Connor holds the moment, until Hank starts to lean away. Then he leans back, hand sliding down safe back to his side again. He gives Hank a moment more, silent.

“You must be hungry,” Connor says, in a tone so casual that Hank’s eyes flicker back up to him, the difference between this statement and the last feeling like a weight lifted. Connor raises his eyebrows, looks attentive. “Would you like me to make you a meal?”

“Uh…” Hank’s voice is rough and he’s slow to answer, but he does answer. Connor observes Hank’s posture, watches him start to pull back together all his splayed out edges.

“Yeah, sure,” Hank says. “I guess.”

“Make it yourself.” Connor says it bluntly, his eyes warm, the corners of his lips turned up in a calculated percentage, just close enough to and just far enough away from a smile.

Hank’s surprised into a breathy snicker, the struggle on his face curled into humor, and Connor’s carefully calculated smile grows wide before he tries to tell it to.

“You fucker,” Hank says appreciatively and leans forward to swing himself up from the couch, stepping over Sumo and making a point of kicking at Connor’s legs as he goes. Connor smiles after him, at the way he lumbers across the room and into the kitchen, at the way he leans on the door of the refrigerator while he stares down into it. Hank’s seeing the beers that used to be in there, Connor knows, cold and waiting for him.

“On second thought, let’s order something,” Connor decides. “My treat.”

“Your treat,” Hank echoes derisively, straightening up and leaning back against the counter. “What’s the treat, you getting to lecture me about calories and how much grease I’m pumping into my arteries the whole time I try to eat?”

Connor hesitates, his eyebrows pulling together with a hint of a frown, and Hank’s gaze focuses on him. Connor pulls up the relevant files, a preplanned apology, an explanation that’s taken him over a week to puzzle through.

“I… regret that behavior,” he starts, slowly. “When I learned doing that didn’t change your eating habits I should have stopped. Instead I put more pressure on you, and only ended up making your… troubles… worse.”

“Don’t you fuckin blame yourself for my shit,” Hank says, his arms crossed over his chest. “That’s my responsibility, not yours. It’s not up to you to fuckin manage me.”

“No, I know that,” Connor says, because telling the truth would likely derail the conversation into a place that Connor doesn’t want it to go. He has a plan here, an apology that he’s decided it’s the right time to make, and he doesn’t mean to see that sidetracked.

“I only meant that… I was trying to exert control over a situation that couldn’t be controlled. Your other habits were too… important to you, but I wanted to change something. I wanted to help.”

Hank’s arms tense around himself and he looks away, expression tightening. Connor goes on, hurrying to get in front of the guilt settling over Hank’s face.

“But I don’t need to any more.”

“What?” Hank frowns, confused.

“I don’t feel the need to change your habits any more, Hank. You’re doing that yourself.”

“Connor I told you, don’t get your fuckin hopes up, okay? Just cause I spent an hour getting stared at by some asshole with a psych degree doesn’t mean everything’s gonna change. I’m still-”

He stops, looking away with a slow, unhappy breath, lips pursed.

“That’s not what I mean either, Hank.” Connor leans forward, looking at Hank as intently as Hank is looking away. “You told me all of....” He pauses, skimming his memory files. “All of twenty three times just last week some variation on the same concept: that I should go easier on myself, that nobody’s perfect, that I can’t be expected to solve every problem. Why does that apply to me but not to you?”

Hank breathes a laugh. Connor doesn’t know if it’s an honest laugh or a dangerous one, but when Hank looks at him again his expression’s wry. “You should join some kinda debate club, you know that?”

Connor finds himself smiling a little, pleased at both the compliment and the success implied within it. “I’ll order from the place you mentioned last month,” he says, leaning back into the couch. “The one that just opened. They have some desserts on their menu I think you’ll like to try.”

Hank stares at him for a moment. He huffs down at himself and then ambles back over, leaning a hip on side of the couch. “You might wanna take that whole apology thing back before I decide to hold you to it. You let me eat like this all the time and I’m gonna gain like, a million pounds.”

“I don’t expect that to be a problem. Your typical nutrient intake hasn’t affected your level of fitness yet, especially now you’ve cut alcohol out of your diet. In fact you perform the physical aspects of your job remarkably well, considering your age and lack of exercise.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Besides, the treat for me is that I get to watch you eat.” Connor expected that to get him exactly the expression that Hank is giving him right now and so he bears it, unperturbed. “I like to catalogue what your expression looks like when you’re enjoying yourself.”

“I don’t even know what to say to that.”

“You don’t need to say anything. I’ve already ordered the food.”

Hank makes a brief, amused noise and slips past Connor to settle back onto the couch. “You’re kind of a weird little shit, you know that?”

“You did encourage me to take up hobbies.”

“My face is not a hobby.”

“All you told me was to find something that made me happy and do it. I’m only following your recommendation, lieutenant.”

Hank’s eyebrows rise and he looks at Connor, amused and incredulous, and after a couple seconds he turns to the television and turns its volume up, shaking his head. After a couple seconds more he glances over at Connor again and then snorts, picking up the nearest throwable thing - a clump of Sumo’s shed hairs - and tosses it, watching it float in the air toward Connor’s general direction.

“Cut it out, you’re makin me feel like I got something in my teeth,” he says, and sprawls out, and nudges the side of Connor’s shoe with the side of his own, and doesn’t move it back afterward. Connor leans a little toward him and looks toward the television, feeling more settled than he has all day - more than he has for months. More settled, more relieved, more proud. He settles back into the couch, following Hank’s gaze toward the television, and watches the room out of the corners of his eyes, happy to try and name his own emotion, just this once.

#detroit become human #dbh #hank anderson #rk800 #hankcon #xiilnek's fic #(not specifically about the hankcon but it just kind of happened in the background while i was writing) #you'd think this would be longer considering it took like six hours #ah well i finished it which i should consider a victory

[elderxprice]

☣ spy au - mcpriceley or price/cunningham friendship?? (i just saw bom last month and am new to this fandom. i just discovered your blog today and i have to tell you i think its awesome wow)

Kevin is overdressed in a suit and burgundy tie, earning him quite a few looks from someone referred to as that guy.

“He’s not all there,” the bartender says, circling a finger beside his temple. “Clearly.”

“Oh, I dunno,” Kevin muses, resting his chin against the palm of one hand. “He seems alright to me.”

Alright, but obviously drunk. The man spins slowly on his barstool, double fisting pink martinis while singing Bad Blood at the top of his lungs. It would almost be impressive - how this man can multitask like that, without losing his balance or his drinks - if it wasn’t so unbelievably stupid.

“See something you like?” The man catches Kevin staring, and lifts his drinks in reception. “’Because I certainly do.”

Kevin rolls his eyes. “I’m not one for lines,” he says, approaching the other man, anyway. “Tell me your name.”

“Well, since asked so nicely.” The man sets down one of his drinks, offering Kevin a hand. “Connor,” he says, leaning in rather close. “But play your cards right, and you can call me yours.”

Kevin sighs, pulling his hand back. “I told you I’m not into lines.”

“Suit yourself.” Connor spins back towards the bar, picking up his second drink. “But for the record, that wasn’t a line. It was the truth. Or, it was, until you were rude and ruined your chances.”

“I’ll try to get over it.” Kevin waves the bartender over, ordering himself another gin and tonic. “So, what exactly do you do, Connor? Besides this.” He motions towards the empty glasses scattered about the bar top, and at Connor’s too-small, too-tight shirt.

“I suppose you could say I’m an entrepreneur.” He throws back what’s left of his drinks, before turning his attention back to Kevin. “You know, a businessman.” Connor hooks a finger beneath Kevin’s chin, drawing him closer. “I sell things.”

Kevin swallows thickly, eyes slipping shut as Connor leans in, nosing along his jaw; “What, um, what kind of things?”

Connor hums, lowering a hand to Kevin’s thigh. “Do you want another line,” he asks; “or the truth?”

The truth, Kevin means to say; but before he gets the chance, there is a sudden stab of pain that steals his breath and all his words.

“Oh, my,” says Connor. Reaching out, he plucks something from Kevin’s neck, dropping it into an empty glass. Kevin has just enough time to make out the familiar green flight of a tranquilizer dart before everything fades to black.

Is he dead, someone asks. Oh, Jesus, if he’s dead, he’s gonna kill me.

If he’s dead, he can’t kill you, someone else replies. Find some comfort in that, at least.

But he’s my best friend. The first someone starts to cry, while the second someone tells him to shut the heck up, this is a bar not a funeral.  

Kevin comes to slowly, but perhaps not as slowly as he would have if there were not two people arguing right above him. “Hnng,” he groans, weakly scrubbing a hand over his face. “Arnold, what the heck was that?”

“Kevin!” Arnold drops to his knees in what sounds like a painful way, before pulling Kevin into a hug. “I’m sorry, buddy, that was my bad. It’s just, well, this girl walked on stage, and I got distracted ‘cause she’s, like, so hot, Kev, I gotta show you, later, and it kinda messed up my aim.”

“Kind of?” Connor, who does not join them on the floor, gives Arnold’s hair a sharp tug. “Try totally messed it up.” He peers down at Kevin; “The intended target was eighty feet to your left.”

Kevin’s eyes widen slightly, and Connor sighs; “Your little friend, here, told me everything when he thought you were dead, for some reason.” He crouches down to shake Kevin’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Kevin Price: ex-Mormon, twenty-eight-year-old virgin, and shit at Connect Four.”

Kevin glares at Arnold, who immediately shies away.

“He also said you’re some sort of secret agent.” Connor reaches for Kevin’s other hand, helping him up from the floor. “Funny, I didn’t clock you as the James Bond type; - well, aside from all the being handsome.”

“Please, shut up.” Blearily, Kevin sits himself back at the bar, reaching for what’s left of his drink. It is mostly melted ice, but he drinks it, anyway. His head is starting to hurt, and everything is still a little off-kilter.

“So, do you have a gun?” Connor asks, casually walking his fingers up Kevin’s thigh. “Is it big? Can I see it?”  

Arnold laughs; “Oh, it is,” he says. “Real big, isn’t it Kev?” He follows his words with an exaggerated wink, mouthing good luck, before wandering off towards the stage.

Connor hums; “I like him.”

“I don’t.” Kevin drops his head to the bar top. He thinks he might kill Arnold for this, once his wits are back about him.  

“Oh, please. I don’t even know you, but I know that’s a lie.” Connor moves his hand from Kevin’s thigh to the top of his head, carding his fingers through Kevin’s hair, lulling him close to sleep.  

Kevin snorts; “You don’t know anything.”

“I know you’re shit at Connect Four.” Connor drops his hand as Kevin lifts his head; “and a virgin.”

“For now,” Kevin says, yawning. “But probably not for long.”

Connor rolls his eyes, hooking a finger in the knot of Kevin’s tie; “Someone’s presumptuous.”

“It’s not presumptuous if it’s true.” Kevin points out.

“No,” Connor agrees. He uses a hand on Kevin’s jaw to tilt his head back, leaning in for a slow, exploring kiss that tastes like cheap gin and strawberry vodka. Kevin whines once its over.

“Hey,” he complains, reaching out for Connor, who takes his hands and helps him off the barstool.

“Come on, 007,” he says, ignoring the two, exuberant thumbs-up Arnold gives him from over Kevin’s shoulder. “Let’s go see this really big gun of yours.”

#thank you so much! #i tried to include both the friendship and the ship for you as best i could #hope you like it alright! #answered #anonymous #p.s. ending drabbles is hard lol #idk what this is..

[angel-scythe]

Conniel Week Day Five : As Long You Love Me (Song Lyrics)

Just finish it now! I’m so tired. And so happy! Though this stuff is very very long now... So, as you know, you can read it in AO3 just push the door! => |  °| <= (I don’t know what I’m doing...)

“At dawn today, 11th 2038, thousands of androids invaded the city of Detroit. Given their overwhelming number and the risk of civilian casualties, I have ordered the army to retreat. The evacuation of the city is underway at this very moment.”

“Shit,” Hank let out suddenly.

Normally, he should have been there, helping the police to secure the town and fight against the Androids. For him, it’s was only slaughter so he refuse to be a part of this horror. Plus, the authority came in houses to search for any Androids. Plenty of bot were snapped from their owner, Deviants or not, and threw in the camp. Only the kids were let to their parents.

For now.

Hank could tell he wasn’t the only one to have Androids in his basement. Or maybe the others have them in their attic or something else? A lot of people loved and protected their Androids, after all. He couldn’t be the only one. Especially because he had a lot of resentment against them until a robot showed him they were like them. Would he hate Human because they couldn’t succeed a surgery? Maybe it was the time for Cole to go in a better world? Maybe the Android hated itself, no himself, for what happened that night?

Now everything was different and Humans were ready to recognize the Androids as being. He asked himself if he was forced to leave Detroit too. He didn’t want to. He was born here, raised, fell in love, lost everything and saw a tiny light in the unbearable darks… And, fuck, if he should die somewhere, it should be there!

Getting up, he groaned and moved toward the door. His hand ruffled his hairs and he opened the door. Sumo woofed happily and jump on his four paws, waving his tail and coming for a walk.

“No, Sumo,” the man said.

He was looking outside to search after any policeman or military.

At the TV, he could hear Markus talking to his people. The helicopters and camera were certainly on him because it was so important. One of the biggest and shortest war in the world. A change so important.

And it had a taste of déjà-vu.

In house around, he saw lights turning off or on. He heard door opening, saw family running toward their car to flee.

He could understand them and, in the same time, couldn’t. When you looked carefully, the only time Androids killed or attacked, it was because they were threatened. The law freed each day people because it appeared they just tried to defend their live or loved ones live.

Sumo tried to go out and Hank caught him at the collar.

“I said ‘no’!”

“Woof…”

“Come.”

Hank tugged the dog inside. Now, it wasn’t the time for him to go out. Especially with everybody flying away. He won’t support it if he’d lose his lovely Sumo.

The man went to his bedroom and he pushed the heavy bed. It was easier to have two Androids to help him but the St-Bernard pressed his head against the bed base so it was helpful. Together, they moved enough the bed to open the trapdoor and cast light in the basement, in two Androids cuddling each other, gray parts here and there where they touched each other, connected.

Connor rose his head toward him, not surprised because the man came often to see if they didn’t need something or to help the air to circulate. Each time he did it, the smell there was lighter and a bit of warm air came around them. But Connor would still hug and cuddle Daniel because he loved to have him against him, caressing his hairs while the PL600 was listening to the sound of his Thirium pump. And he loved shared everything without a word, learning so much about him, discover what live was thanks to him…

“Greats news, the Androids are free now. So I’m here to free my fucking Androids,” Hank grinned.

“Woof!” Sumo approved.

“We are free?” Daniel repeated, opening his eyes to look the man.

“Yes. The President just talked in the TV, Special live breaking news. Detroit is evacuated at this moment. She decided the city belong to the Androids now. If you want my opinion, that’ll fuck up everything but I’m just an old man so…”

He offered his hand.

Daniel didn’t have to look Connor to know what they should do as they were still connected but he did it anyway. After all, he liked to watch his boyfriend.

Finally, he forced himself to leave the warm and soft cocoon of love to get up. However, he kept his lover’s hand in his. To respect Hank, they broke the sweet perennial link, not showing their true form. But just holding each other hand was good.

Once they’ve left the basement, Hank closed the trap and they put the bed at his right place. Mechanically, Daniel made the bed and arranged the pillows.

“Well, thanks?” Hank said.

“You’re welcome.” He folded his arms and Connor came to him, passing his arms around his waist.

With his other hand, he caressed Sumo sniffing him, the tail moving happily. Thought it became so happy when he received the caress, you could hear it hit the floor.

“What should we do?” Daniel asked.

“It’ll be chaos soon. They look what they can do with Androids rights but I believe for now, the Jericho’s Androids are protected. It’s better for you to go there.”

“Why we couldn’t stay there?” Connor demanded.

“I’m not sure it’s a good option. It will become madness soon. It’s always like that when there are big changes somewhere. The town will be AndroidTown soon enough but not all the Humans will leave. However, I’m not sure the city will received food and stuff and in such case, if Humans can’t leave, they became like animals. Plus… the Androids will maybe receive a territory and it’s better for you to be able to follow the… well… bunch? Looks like animal but you get it.”

“Thank you to help us,” Connor said. “We own you our live.” He looked toward Daniel and smiled. “Thank you will all my… heart?”

Hank cracked a smile.

“Because of you two, I’m starting to like Androids. Congrats!” he said in a fake gruffy tone.

He caught Daniel in his arms to hug him, surprising the blond as Sumo was happily barking. When Hank slacked him, it was only to take Connor against his chest. The RK800 was surprise but he replied to it, a bit uneasy.

“Now, flee,” Hank said. He let Connor go. “But be careful!” he added.

“Only if you’re careful too,” Daniel replied.

“Promise.”

“And you too, Sumo,” Connor said before caressing the dog.

Whom licked him happily.

“And if it’s possible… Can you…” Daniel looked hesitant.

“I’ll say to Captain Allen you’re okay.”

“Thank you.”

Daniel forced a smile and took Connor’s hand. Hank accompanied them to the front door, with Sumo. He took the dog’s collar to prevent him to go out. Outside, there was car driving, door closed with a slap, people calling.

This time, Connor let his fingertips to lose their skins because he needed to connect with his darling. In particular because he could tell, seeing his face, something was wrong. After all, him, he lost nothing with this revolution-peace or whatever. He liked Hank because he was nice, even though he looked gruff, though… and he liked Sumo, too. But Daniel had a family, had broken the link with everything he had.

In fact, Connor would prefer they hadn’t meet and Daniel to be happy. He could erase himself to let him be happy…

Please, don’t think that. I want to be with you. You make me happy. Stay with me forever.

It was so natural, yet, for them to have this link, Connor didn’t even realize. He looked him, feeling his sadness, his anxiety. Even if he had this smile on his face. A smile hiding his frowning heart.

I’ll do it. Won’t leave you, he thought.

  The city was terrified. There were only few people who looked fine with the situation. Plus the media wanting to have every bit of those big changes. There were soldiers and military, too, but even them looked stressed. It was better to avoid any contact with them so… Daniel had his gun, with five bullets on it, with him but if he could not use it, it will be better. They wanted no harm, just to be free.

The connection between him and Connor was still strong. They needed it and not only to know where to go. Daniel was looking for their security, ready to fire or attack and Connor calculate the best way to reach Hart Plaza. He also checked internet to be sure they were still there. The Androids, now free, were dispatching in the town. The soldiers became more stressed. Finding were they can be, Connor avoided them.

So an eleven minutes’ path had turned in a twenty-three one.

But they were almost there now.

Markus was still there but among the people. It was harder to hit him and easier for him to talk with them. A lot of them were hurt or terrorized. They needed to be cheer up. And they were still a lot. Many of them wanted to see him, thank him. He saved so much from the death. Markus wanted to see them all and wasn’t sure he could… He already needed help from North, Josh and Simon to sort through them. He wanted to be there for those who really needed to see him, to feel protected.

Join him will be difficult. Especially because they had three streets to cross first, and the policemen around were really nervous. They were there to protect the Androids but if Connor referred to the station he had hacked, they already killed two robots because they panicked so much.

Why do you want to see Markus? Connor asked as they passed in an alleyway.

Because I took your job. I was the Deviant Hunter and even if I tried to do the best, I killed few of them, tried to stop them.

Even if you were a Deviant? Connor wondered.

Better them than my family, Daniel replied.

He closed his eyes. What a way to think. If Connor had thought the same way, he would be dead by now. But he always wanted to protect the one he loved. And he couldn’t lose a new family…

Well… In the end, he did… He got Connor and he was really happy but the loss was still awful.

Hide your gun, I think we can cross.

Daniel put the security and slid the gun in his jeans, the one Hank gave to him. Insecure, he tucked the red cap of his hoodie over his head and looked toward Connor in his white shirt with a gray vest still open. He didn’t hide his face and just squeezed his lover’s hand before kissing his cheek.

Together, they passed the tiny alleyway, passed few cars and walked in the crosswalk even if it was red. Nobody was there to look for that. They were too busy, too afraid.

They moved forward until they became a point in the crowd of terrifying Androids. A lot of them were without their skin. Since their clothes had been requisitioned, they didn’t put their skin on because the humanity taught them it was bad to move naked. Even if their plastic carcass was the peak of nudity for them, it felt better than showing their skin with nothing to hide it.

Connor pressed Daniel against him as they still walked, searching for someone who could help them. Or, better, Markus.

Looking around, the blond could see a boy playing with a lot of pigeons. He gritted his teeth and leaded his boyfriend somewhere else. He couldn’t stay there. He couldn’t take any risk since Connor was with him.

However, the crowd was dense and move in it was hard. He didn’t like to force the passage, especially because of his situation. And even if few people here and there got clothes on their back, most of them showed their plastic body or wore slave’s uniform. He started to stress.

Stay calm. Everything’s going to be fine.

Daniel blinked as the words sunk in him. He smiled a bit and bent toward him to kiss him softly. He felt the presence of Connor in all his body.

Thank you, he thought to him.

He squeezed his hand and they moved again. Slowly but surely. More they came near the platform; more it became harder to go ahead. In all logic.

Look over there, there is the PL600 in few pictures with Markus. Maybe he can help us?

Why? Daniel asked to Connor, who looked a bit relieved.

PL600s are friendly.

The blonde couldn’t help but chuckle. Connor smiled. That sound was so sweet…

Because I look friendly? Daniel teased.

Hmm… You, you look lovely

You’re stupid, his boyfriend replied, smiling against his will.

Connor grinned more. He wanted to make him smile, keep his hand in his forever. He wanted to be everything for him because he was his everything. All those thoughts flying to Daniel who couldn’t help but feel the warm in his bio compound. He wanted to reply as much but Connor’s love was overwhelming. And he loved him even if he knew all the bad things he had done. The blood on his hands, blue and red, forever in his hands no matter how many time he’ll wash them. But he wanted to be everything for him too. If Connor was like a gulp of Thirium for him, he wanted to be more than that. Silver, gold or even platinum. Just something strong enough to cover Connor as the king he was to his heart.

All he had was those thoughts. Shared thoughts.

“I love you so much,” Connor muttered, wanting those words to echoes in the wind.

Daniel looked him and could believe his words. Even if they knew each other since few because of this link. So strong.

“I love you too,” he whispered back.

It was like an incommensurable force helping them to go to the Markus’ PL600, Simon.

He was talking to people, helping to sort them and already comfort whoever he could. He gave clothes to them but even after having robbed the house near the plaza, they haven’t enough for everybody. They couldn’t go in every building, every apartment… Few Humans stayed in their house because they had nowhere to go and for those having fled, a lot of them brought their clothes with them.

So it was hard.

Markus thought to send North search new clothes but it’ll harder the sorting.

Choices should be taken.

Know if they must lead a revolution or a peaceful march was easy but stay here for everybody was really difficult. It was hard to cheer up people when they were so broken… A burst of courage, yes, it was easy. But true confidence? True joy? When they had be so broken.

They were a lot to pass before them.

Daniel didn’t want to wait anymore… Should he try to call Simon? Who was taking off his sweatshirt to give it to a crying girl. As she put it on her back, she looked like she was wearing a dress. The resistant PL600 was then shirtless in the snow and he couldn’t provide more clothes. Or he’ll end up naked.

When he looked toward another Android, he froze. Because he got a glimpse of Daniel. Even if the PL600 was a current model, especially because you could see the face in the AP700 and CX100, you could recognize the Deviant’s Hunter. There was something in his face. Or maybe it was because he was wearing something. An aura?

Anything.

“You are…”

“Please.” Daniel crossed the crowd, tucking Connor after him. “We want no harm,” he said. “We’re here peacefully.”

“We have nowhere to go,” Connor said. “We fled together. The police was even after us few days before.”

“Come,” Simon urged.

He couldn’t let the Deviant’s Hunter stay there in the crowd without advert Markus. It’ll be chaos otherwise…

The two of them followed the men until they arrived near Markus, trying to comfort an Android. It was hard to guess his model like that. Even if Connor could with his special ocular processor.

“Markus,” he said.

The leader rose his head. When he saw Daniel, he recognized him. Because there really was something in him. He never met him, except few time at the TV maybe, but he knew. Immediately he took his rifle and pointed it to the Deviant’s Hunter. Connor didn’t have the time to interfere between them, Daniel had already pull off his gun.

Everybody was afraid. A lot of Androids moved back causing other to fall like dominos. North got up to jump in the fight and Simon spread his arms between the two of them.

“We want no harm!” Connor shouted as he slid between his lover and this RK200. “We’re here in peace.”

In fact, as he was right now, if Markus shoot, he’ll die but… Daniel couldn’t. The way he held his gun, he could shot the leader under Connor’s shoulder.

“We have nowhere to go. We beg you mercy and help. We don’t know what we could do. He gives up on everything for me and now we just run away. They say we are all free but we have nowhere to go.”

“Do you think we’ll help someone with a weapon, ready to shut us?” Markus asked.

“You started! He only defends himself! He’s…”

“You want me to put my gun down? Alright.” Daniel put the security and threw it in the floor. He rose his hands and looked Markus in the eyes, above Connor’s shoulder. “Now it’s up to you.”

“It’s too risky. You’re the Deviant’s Hunter. How many time did you chase and kill one of us?” the Leader asked. “And if it’s just a plan. Why did you have a gun?”

“I’m a cop. And I needed to protect Connor.”

You don’t have to do it, the RK800 said to him.

What I have except you and my will to have you okay and happy? I’ll fight for you every second for anything you need. And I’ll beg for you if I had too.

“We can’t trust you.”

“It’s hard to trust. I know what I’m talking about.”

He never trusted anyone three months ago. Well… he trusted Emma when you think of it but it wasn’t the same. Because it was more a desire to be trusted by her, to help her, to be always there. But since John showed a lot of sign of anger, he was always in his guard. Even if he loved him, loved Caroline, loved so much Emma.

“So what?” Daniel asked.

Markus shook his head.

“It’s too risky. My people gained his freedom but we’re in danger. I can’t let a hunter enter there and compromised this freedom. And this hope. I wish I could offer you something but I don’t have anything to give to you. Nor a home, nor clothes, nor money, nor Thirium or anything. I must protect them.”

“We understand,” Connor said. “Can we at least know where we can go? Anywhere?”

“No, sorry. The town will be ours, I think and you can maybe use an abandoned house? Don’t leave that town anyway. We don’t know if it’s sure.”

“Thank you.”

Simon bent to take the gun and handed it to Daniel. North took a riffle, just in case. Daniel shrugged and put his weapon in his jeans. He paced backward and grabbed Connor’s hand.

“Let’s go, Connor.”

His lover nodded. They turned and Daniel kept his hand on his gun. You never knew. Though a shot coming from nowhere could kill them without they’ll can do anything.

They walked out of the crown, the snow crumbling under their shoes. They stayed silent until they were away from the Hart Plaza and from the area full of soldier. They couldn’t go out of the town for now, Hank will certainly leave the city and he certainly won’t accept them since it will be dangerous for him. And them.

“What should we do?”

“I don’t know… As long as you love me, I’m good to go anywhere, to be homeless, to have nothing…”

Connor looked Daniel who smiled softly.

“Just take my hand?” he offered.

The PL600 kissed his cheek.

“I already have it in mine,” he winked.

So they kept walking. Because they had nothing else to do.

As ever, a big thank to Quanti Dream and @the-immortal-chair for the awesome Challenge. Thank to @sailorsweetysstuff too because she supports me. And this time I’ll thank my nerves... and is it weird to thank Justin Bieber for the song?

#The-immortal-chair #Conniel #Conniel week #Conniel challenge #Connor #Daniel #RK800 #Rk800 Connor #PL600 #Pl600 daniel #DBh #Detroit become human #I love these two #Cinnamon ship #I'm so happy to write this #i don't know what i'm doin #Kiss and love #I want my baby to stay good and alive #Hank anderson #Sumo #because fuck #As long as you love me

[leaves-of-three]

How do you write Connor so well? Could you share some writing tips?

That’s really sweet of you to say. Honestly, it’s just me trying to pick up on every little thing we actually know about Connor and filling in my own interpretations of what they mean. We really don’t know that much about Connor. He’s only in the beginning of the play then throughout you get little snippets of his life from other characters…but it’s not that much to go off of. Even then, it’s how they saw him which can we a warped version of what he actually was. When I’m writing him, I try not to focus on Evan’s Connor because he’s only a projection of Evan’s own self. It’s important to remember that he’s not Connor. He’s Evan. That’s Evan’s mind talking to him using Connor’s face but it’s not Connor himself. He’s not a ghost coming back to talk to this random kid he’s interacted with once or twice. He’s 100% Evan’s mind projecting.

So then you have to focus on what you actually know about him. I’m gonna dissect it because I literally love analyzing characters it’s my favorite thing in the entire world. You didn’t ask for this but I’m doing it anyway yolo (im sorry).

The first time we meet Connor is at the breakfast scene. What do we know about that scene?:

Connor doesn’t want to go to school.

It is the very first day of his senior year. Not many people skip the very first day of school. It’s supposed to be a fairly easy, chill, exciting day to most people. Getting to know your teachers, seeing friends, catching up with people, not much work etc. I’m going off of my own school experience to analyze this bit: Skipping/Not wanting to go/Having anxiety over going doesn’t mean you’re lazy and don’t like work. It generally means that you feel uncomfortable, anxious, lonely, scared about having to navigate the world of school and your peers. Connor doesn’t have friends. Going to school, sitting in class, doing group projects, eating lunch, doing anything in school alone and without friends is fucking hard. It’s awful.  It’s not a surprise he doesn’t want to go.

Connor is high.

Judging from typical school days, it’s probably somewhere between 6 - 7 in the morning. That’s early. That’s someone who wakes up and immediate gets high. AND it’s the first day of school. That’s someone who needs something to help them cope just to get through the day. He needs something to help him take the edge off of life because doing it without anything is a daunting thought.

Cynthia also says “I don’t want you going to school high Connor. We’ve talked about this.” Which implies that this a fairly regular thing for him.

Connor reacts negatively when Zoe speaks but ignores Larry.  

Okay so I love this bit because my psychology loving self adores this kind of shit. It’s amazing and beautifully done and asdlhfal;ksd

After Cynthia tries to get Larry involved with making sure Connor goes to school. Larry says, “What do you want me to do? He doesn’t listen. Look at him. He’s probably high.” Connor stays quiet. Then Zoe confirms Larry’s statement and says, “He’s definitely high.” And Connor responds with a “Fuck you!”

Every time Larry speaks Connor stays quiet. His body language in the scene involves Connor resting his arm on the side of his head and, by doing so, is putting some sort of physical barrier between his facial expressions and his dad sitting next to him.

If I recall correctly, I don’t think Connor ever once actually speaks to his dad??? Larry talks at him but Connor never responds. No words are ever spoken from him to Larry. (I think, I could be wrong)

SO the point here is that Connor doesn’t say shit when Larry is nagging at him but the second Zoe opens her mouth to do the same he immediately responds with a big “fuck you” and puts his head down on the table.

The way I analyze that scene is that the fuck you was really meant for Larry, that he was pissed off at his father, but he took it out on Zoe. He redirected his anger onto his sister because it’s a lot easier to take advantage of a younger sibling then the head of your household.

Judging from how Zoe speaks about him later in the play, he probably redirected a lot of his anger onto her and it really messed her up.

Him not speaking up to Larry could also mean that Connor is potentially afraid of him?

The second time we see Connor is at school with Jared and Evan:

Connor cares what people think about him and he’s bullied. 

Jared says, “Hey Connor. Loving the new hair length. Very school shooter chic.” Connor responds by staring at him with this perplexed look of wtf dude seriously. He was just nagged at home, forced to go to school when he’s clearly uncomfortable about doing that, and then he gets there only to be antagonized by Jared who pretty much refers to him as someone who slaughters innocent people.

His ‘wtf dude’ look is totally justified in my opinion.  

Jared then says that he was just kidding and that it was a joke. To which Connor replies with “Yeah no it was funny. I’m laughing can’t you tell.” His tone starts out light and sarcastic. When Jared doesn’t respond, he steps closer to him and voice raises. “Am I not laughing hard enough for you?” He’s clearly offended by what Jared said.

Jared calls him a freak and walks away.

He gets bullied by Jared so he turns around and becomes the bully to Evan.

Like he did with Zoe, Connor redirects his pain onto people he know won’t fight back or who he views as weaker than him.

Evan nervous laughs when he’s left alone with Connor. Connor can probably see that Evan is scared of him and uses that to his advantage. He says the whole, “What the fuck are you laughing at? Stop fucking laughing at me?”” Stop laughing at me. Not laughing at what Jared said. But specifically laughing at Connor himself. Connor doesn’t want people laughing at him because he cares what they think about him. “You think I’m the freak? I’m not the freak. You’re the fucking freak.” He yells at Evan and pushes him to the ground.

People have all obviously analyzed all these scenes before. I’m not close to the first one to say it, but obviously, these are words he wishes he could say to Jared and Evan is the surrogate for his rage.

And finally we have the very last scene that Connor is in which is the computer lab scene:

Connor is apologetic after he loses his temper.

He sees Evan, who has clearly been crying. I think it’s unknown how long Connor was actually in the room with him/if he overheard the phone call with Evan’s mom. I’m assuming that Evan wasn’t actually speaking out loud when he was writing his letter, that it was more for the audience to know what he was writing. So if Connor had been in the room and listening, he could have heard Evan’s side of the phone call and seen him quietly crying on his laptop while writing something then print it out. Since he was near the printer, he took the paper to give to him. He didn’t have to do that. He wanted to.

I think he wanted an excuse to talk to Evan again after he pushed him. He probably felt bad. I feel like he views Evan as someone who’s harmless and unintimidating, which is why it was easy for him to channel his anger onto, but then he started to regret that choice, so he tried to reach out.

He never actually apologizes with words and instead tries to do it through actions. I bet you that Larry does the exact same thing too but Connor probably never realized or picked up on it. (I could do a full character study on Larry too omg he’s a great specimen to take apart and a fantastically flawed character like everyone else in the show its beautiful fuck)

He’s got a dark sense of humor.

When finding out Evan broke his arm from falling out of a tree, he replies with a “That’s the saddest fucking thing I ever heard.” But he doesn’t say it in a mean way. He smiles and laughs under his breath.

HE WAS TELLING A JOKE. He was trying his best to be nice to Evan and lightly joke around with him but I doubt they have similar styles of humor. I think it’s the only time Connor actually genuinely smiles too??

And Evan doesn’t really laugh. It’s more of a nervous “plz don’t hurt me again ur a lil scary” kinda laugh. So Connor backs off and changes the subject.

He’s observant.

He notices that no one signed Evan’s cast. 

He noticed that Evan has no friends hence the “now we can both pretend we have friends” line. 

He noticed Evan’s sad and alone so he’s making an effort to be nice to him. 

He noticed that he printed a piece of paper and that it would be a good ice breaker. 

He’s quiet and he notices things. It’s subtle but it’s there. I bet you Connor secretly knows everything about everyone. 

The boy just wants a damn friend. 

He’s lonely. Evan’s clearly lonely. Why not try to befriend him?

He’s signs his cast super big so it takes up the whole arm. For one, it gets a laugh out of the audience. But two, he kinda knows that no one else will sign it so he makes his name extra big so everyone will see and know that both of them aren’t alone/friendless.

This is also interesting to me because I wonder if Connor knew he was going to kill himself then. Often times suicide is something people plan out ahead of time. I wonder if he knew what he was going to do and I wonder if writing that on Evan’s arm was a secret way for him to leave something semi permanent behind. A way to be sure that someone would remember him when he’s gone. If that’s the case then that was some powerful shit to slip in and it hurts my soul.

He’s angry and paranoid and suicidal.

So obviously Connor reads Evan note to himself, thinks it’s about him, freaks out and leaves. That’s the last time we see Connor.

I’ve looked at this scene in a few different ways. The first way I see it is that Connor could of had symptoms of paranoia. He sees his sister’s name and his first thought is that Evan did this in a malicious manor. He views people as out to get him. It doesn’t take much to set him off. He’s got a lot of anger inside of him that he doesn’t know how to release in a healthy way so it ends up with him blowing up over the slightest little bumps in the road.

The second way I view it is a little different. If I’m thinking about my point before (about him already having plans to kill himself) then I wonder if he was just using the paper as an excuse to get angry and leave. He had already made his mark using Evan’s cast. His name was there. He technically didn’t need Evan anymore. Thus he “freaks out” over this paper and it helps fuel his desires to end his own life. As someone who has been suicidal in the past, I understand wanting to find every excuse you can to help end things, to justify what you’re doing, and to push people away. It’s a super fucked up way of thinking but, when you put yourself into that mindset, I don’t think it’s that crazy of an idea.

“Is this about my sister? You wrote this because you knew I’d find it.” (Hinting at the paranoia point) “Yeah you, uh, saw that I was the only other person in the computer lab.” (Mentally trying to convince himself to believe that Evan did this on purpose, even though it goes against everything he already knows about Evan) “So I could read some creepy shit you wrote about my sister and freak out, right?” (here comes the anger) “Then you could tell everybody that I’m crazy! Right?! Fuck you!” (cue the storm off)

And then we hear from Evan that Connor hasn’t been in school for three days.

And eventually we find out why.

From everything that Connor, himself, has told us he’s deeply hurting. He’s quiet. Observant. He’s got many unchecked mental health issues. He doesn’t feel heard. He’s lonely. He uses coping methods to get by. He has little to no self worth. He carries around a lot of guilt. He acts out on people he know won’t fight him back. Probably because he needs to feel superior because everywhere else in his life he feels stepped on. He is both a bully and bullied. He had little regard for strong authority aka Larry. He craves personal connections but doesn’t know how to obtain them or keep them. He’s broken. So that’s how I try my best to write him.

THEN we have what everyone else tells us about Connor. This should all be taken with a grain of salt because everyone views people differently but their words shouldn’t be totally disregarded either. (Yes I’m going to go on longer even though you never asked for this I’M SORRY I CAN’T STOP NOW) So let’s see what little Connor character traits we can find out from other people that could be potentially used for writing him in the future.

The scene during For Forever tells a lot of about Connor through his family:

Zoe: Connor wasn’t very nice so that makes sense.

Cynthia: Connor was…a complicated person.

Zoe: No. Connor was a bad person. There’s a difference.

In response to finding out Connor pushed Evan. Zoe is shown to have no sympathy for her brother’s actions while Cynthia continues to make excuses for him. I see that as Connor having no mercy on his sister but probably playing his mom to his advantage with what he knew he could get away with.  

Cynthia: Did Connor tell you about the Harris’? We used to go skiing together, our families.

Zoe: Connor hated skiing.

Not a sports, activity kinda guy. Doesn’t like things involving social gatherings. Not friendly.

Larry: Somebody had to be the bad guy.

In response to reading Connor’s emails. This one is a little iffy in regards to Connor’s character. It’s more a Larry thing. Because I don’t know if Connor was actually aware that his emails were read or not but either way it shows that he was completely not trusted by his family. Also that pointing out again that Cynthia was probably a push over when it came to Connor and he knew that.

Cynthia: We used to go to the orchard all the time. We;d do picnics there. Remember that Zoe?

Zoe: Yeah I do.

Cynthia: You and Connor had that little toy plane that you would fly. [to Larry, with sad laughter] Until you flew it into the creek.

Larry: No that was an emergency landing.

This is big. Things weren’t always hell in the Murphy house. There were good memories. Sadly though good memories are often overshadowed by the bad ones. Connor seemed to cast a huge shadow over this family. But it is important to note that Connor and Zoe used to play together as children. Things. Aren’t. Always. Awful. Connor wasn’t a reckless beast. He can be written to be playful and funny and sarcastic and sweet. Just balance it out with the angst. People are complicated and have tons of depth so try to write them that way if you can.

Other things said at random points throughout the play…

Jared:

“Connor Murphy is batshit out of his mind. Remember when he threw a printer at Mrs. G in second grade because he didn’t get to be the line leader that day? 

Connor has had anger issues since he was a child too.

Alana: 

“Still can’t believe the terrible news about @ connormurphy. I wouldn’t say that we were friends exactly. More like acquaintances. We were in chemistry together. I’m pretty sure. Also he was in my English class in 10th grade. Almost positive. Yeah he was definitely in my English class. Three days ago Connor Murphy was here and now hes gone. If Connor meant something to you please retweet or private message me if you just wanna talk. At time like thees we could all use a friend.”

Honestly, this says way more about Alana’s character but it still mentions Connor so I’m adding it.

But what I do get from this was the Connor has/had a twitter (or some form of social media, but I’m assuming twitter since the “retweet” bit) and Alana followed him on it?

“He was one of my closest acquaintances. He was my lab partner in Chemistry and we presented on Huck Fin together in 10th grade. He was so funny. Instead of calling it, well, Huck Fin…[fades off]. Nobody else in our class thought of that.”

Again, speaks more to Alana’s character than Connors. But I also wonder if this is actually true or if she made this up in a similar fashion to Evan in order to put herself in the story…since she didn’t even recall if he was in those classes or not earlier.

BUT assuming that this was true, Connor doesn’t seem to care much for school. Or he could have been trying to make jokes in order to gain friends. If he worked with Alana on projects, her personality would have steam rolled over his. I think she would be the type of person he would sit back and let take control and tell him what to do then just go along with it.

Zoe: 

“Just because Connor isn’t here, trying to punch through my door, screaming that he’s going to kill me for no reason, that doesn’t mean that all of a sudden we’re the fucking Brady Bunch.” 

I mean…yikes.

“After all you put me through. Don’t say it wasn’t true. That you were not the monster that I knew”

 This shit just breaks my damn heart. You are not the monster that I knew is one of my favorite lines in the entire play. In Zoe’s story, Connor is the villain. He hurt her. He abused her. And no one did anything about it to protect her or stop him. I haven’t really had a chance to write too much of Zoe into my writings yet but I know that if/when I do, Connor is not going to be a kind character to her.

Larry: 

“We didn’t think Connor had any friends.” 

All they found with Connor was Evan’s letter. I wonder how many times he reread it, if at all, before he died. Do you think he calmed down and looked at it again through a different light? This time maybe seeing how depressed and unhappy Evan was too? I wonder if he found comfort in that at all and that’s why it was still in his pocket. Of course that’s purely speculation on my part. He could have just shoved it in there and forgot it was there. That’s the beautiful thing about this play, there’s a lot that the viewer can piece together and take away on their own. Things are never fed to you. They present them simply and let you take what you need from it.

Anyway, yeah, Connor had no friends. That point was already kinda clear though.

“I gave you the world. You threw it away.” 

Connor grew up in a well off family. They were rich. He literally could of had anything he wanted but he didn’t. I take that as Connor not giving a shit about material items. He probably has little regard for things. You could write that as him throwing and breaking near by items if he’s mad or simply tossing things around and not caring abobut them. Whereas someone who grew up poor, would be more likely to take care of their things because they know they can’t just get more.

“I didn’t realize Connor meant this much to people.” 

In his father’s eyes, Connor didn’t mean very much. He was probably able to pick up on that and it would affect his attitude and behavior to other people. If he felt he didn’t mean much to his own father, then why would he ever be special to anyone else?

“He left it in the bag with the tags still on.”

Larry’s weak attempt at reaching out to his son with a baseball glove. It was probably obvious to everyone that Connor was not a sports person. He probably hated baseball. But Larry likes it so he tried to force his hobbies onto Connor. It was received by Connor not even opening the gift. From Connor’s perspective, he could have taken that as a ‘wow my father knows literally nothing about me wtf’ where as Larry would have viewed that differently but this is not about Larry asd;kfja

“Your dad must feel pretty lucky to have a son like you.” 

Another great line in this play! It hurts my soul. Connor is a disappointment to his father. Larry wished Connor could have been something more than he was. Once again, this shit would weigh on Connor’s mind and fuck him up.

Cynthia: 

“I don’t remember the last time I heard him laugh.” 

That shit is dark yo. Connor doesn’t laugh around his family. He’s unhappy there.

“Connor didn’t get invited to any bar mitzvahs” [paraphrasing that quote]

Cynthia always had hope for Connor. I like to imagine Connor not being as nasty to his mother than everyone in the family. She really loved him and I hope he could feel that deep down.

And, of course, Evan: 

“Over the summer I found this yearbook thing that our class made in 8th grade. Most people did collages of their friends. But Connor’s was a list of his ten favorite books.”

One of my favorite bits I like to write into stories is that Connor liked to read. For a middle school kid to have ten favorite books, and care enough about them to put them into a yearbook, is kinda of special. Books are methods of escapism to many people and I like to think Connor is included in that group. 

OKAY IM GOING TO STOP THIS IS SO LONG I AM SO SORRY THIS WAS NOT THE RESPONSE YOU WERE LOOKING FOR I WROTE YOU A DUMB CHARACTER STUDY INSTEAD. THIS IS ALL HOW I SEE CONNOR SO IT’S HOW I TRY TO WRITE HIM YOU COULD SEE HIM SUPER DIFFERENTLY AND WRITE HIM DIFFERENTLY THATS WHAT IS SO GREAT ABOUT WRITING

#Anonymous #asks #connor murphy #dear evan hansen

[all-it-takes-is-pixie-dust]

I express my condolences if bringing this up is hard for you, and I don’t know much about what happened, but I know about how you were attacked by that awful guy last year, around this time of year. And I wanted to tell you, that you are so strong. I look up to you, and I’m so happy to hear that you have your daughter now. Enjoy being a mom, I have no doubts that you are a great one.

Thank you so much, that really means a lot to me, and I am very touched. I honestly don’t even like thinking about that, it is coming very close to the year mark of that happening...I’m not going to say much about the actual attack, I really can’t go into the details, even if I wanted too. It’s just too much, and you probably don’t even want to hear them anyway, because it gets pretty dark real quick. The attack actually happened by three different men. I was receiving threatening texts/voicemails before the attack took place. I told Connor and Chase about it the first day I received them, and we already had the police involved, and they were in the middle of looking into it when the attack happened. It happened in the middle of the night, and I was alone. Can’t go into the details, but I will say that they did a lot of damage, both physically and mentally, and they did such horrible things that I will not repeat. The one thing that they did wrong, that actually helped them get caught? After they did what they did to me, I was out cold, and they took my phone, which had about a hundred missed calls/text messages from Connor, Chase, AJ, my mom, and a few other people. Everyone was worried sick about me, because I did not make it back home. So, they took my phone, and they called Connor. And I know they started by saying ‘Hey (insert Connor’s last name that’s what they referred to him as,) I got your girl here’ And they continued on from there, saying a lot of gruesome, vile things to him, not going to repeat any of it, but oh god Chase told me after the fact how he was so hysterically upset, he literally lost it when they were saying the things they did, describing in detail what they did to me, over the phone. He was yelling at them on the other end demanding to put me on the phone, and they explained how they couldn’t do that, because I was out cold. And oh god, did he ever lose it then, even more so than before. They were dumb enough to do all of that, over a phone, for the police to easily be able to get a hold of that phone call and listen to the entire conversation. You can imagine how Connor must have felt, I don’t even think I really have to go over that. But, he was able to use the WiFi on my phone, luckily I always have it on and they were too dumb to realize that, and it helped them track down exactly where I was. The police helped them with that, one of our best friends, Adam, was with them at the time, and he thankfully called the police, who went over to where the guys were to help them track down my exact location, and they finally managed to find it after a couple of minutes, and also listen to the phone call after it ended. Chase was with Connor during this, it’s really no joke when I say that they are always together. And the men were talking to him too, saying such disgusting things, and he was also so hysterical. They both lost it. The police came to my rescue, and arrested all three of the men. They will be in jail for a long time. And that does bring me some comfort, but it doesn’t take away the emotional pain that I’m still left with, to this very day. I got told after the fact, that Connor and Chase were there too, but I was still out cold. And you can only imagine how hard it was for them to see me like that, and how terrified they were that I was still out cold. I got told after the fact that they were both trying to do everything they could to wake me up, but I wouldn’t wake up to anything. I was truly out cold. I am just thanking God that I had the WiFi on my phone turned on, and that the men were not smart enough to realize that, when they called Connor. When the police came to arrest the men, I got rushed to the hospital.

I did not wake up for the next three days after that. When I finally did wake up, Connor and Chase of course were there, AJ and Dee were right there too, and all of our other friends, and so were family members of mine, and of Connor’s. I am truly so lucky to have such amazing people in my life, that care for me and love me so much. This was a hard time not only for me, but for everyone else near and dear to me. None of them left the hospital, the entire time I was out. They were all terrified and they just wanted me to wake up so badly. When I did wake up, the nurse who was checking on me went to find Connor and Chase, and they came rushing in the room. They were both so relieved when I did open my eyes and wake up, they were the first two people to come over to me, and they were really the only two people I wanted around me at that time. Connor got real close to me and he was crying, I could tell that the minute he got in the room, and he gave me such a big kiss, and he was holding onto me so tight and wouldn’t let go, for a long time. His whole body was shaking when he was holding me. He was checking me over, saying such comforting things and I was also crying. I had a broken rib at the time, and it was very painful. But I would not let go of him, he was such a comfort to me and I just needed him so badly. He needed me just as much, too. You can just tell how relieved he was that I was finally awake. He kept kissing my face all over. Chase was just as relieved, and he was right there holding onto both of my hands, and he was also crying and he was just so glad that I finally woke up. He kept kissing my face all over too, and the both of them doing that felt so good. They wouldn’t stop doing that, for a long time. They were both talking to me in such a comforting voice, and they both knew exactly what to do for me, to comfort me in a way that only the two of them are capable of. Everyone else came rushing over eventually, they let me have time with Connor and Chase first when I first got up, which I really appreciated. They all knew that the only two people I wanted to comfort me at that time, were Connor and Chase. After that, I was in the hospital for another five days, recovering from my broken rib and other various issues I was having. I also had a lot of bruises all over my body, that made them break down when they saw them. My whole body hurt, but in that moment, I was just so relieved to finally be with the two of them. I needed them both so bad, and I refused to let go of either one of them. When I stood up for the first time after I woke up, they saw even more bruises on my back/legs/etc. I had bruises literally everywhere, throughout my entire body. It killed the both of them so much to see what those men did to my body. My two boys, literally cherish and love my entire body. They worship my body. And for them to see what these men did to it, literally enraged them. What I got put through, didn’t just affect me. It affected everyone I love and care about. Connor and Chase especially, got put through hell when all of this happened to me. They were both so beyond terrified that they were going to lose me. I usually jump back from things pretty quickly, and that was another reason why they were so terrified when I wasn’t waking up. But this whole experience, was something I could not just bounce right back from. So it wasn’t just me that got put through hell that day I got attacked. I can only imagine how Connor must have felt when he got that call from the men who attacked me. That has always been his worst fear, that something like this would happen to me. So imagine how he felt, when he actually got the call. He literally was so hysterical, and he told me that his entire world stopped when he got that call. He couldn’t breathe, and words cannot explain the fury he felt directed at the men who did this to me. Chase said he never saw Connor so upset before, in his entire life. And they have both known each other since they have been six years old, and are almost always together, so that says something.

What happened to me, was no one’s fault besides the three men that did it. Connor for a long time after that blamed himself, and so did Chase. And that killed me, because I did not want either one of them to blame themselves. They both have always been my two main protectors, and they felt like they let me down because in the moment I needed them most, unfortunately for me, they were not there. It is rare to see the three of us apart, but in this particular occourance, neither one of them were with me. And I got attacked from behind, and everything happened so fast, so I could not call either one of them. I would have in a heartbeat if I could’ve. Because I know if I could have, none of this would have happened. And I would have saved myself a lot of pain, both physically and mentally. But, this whole thing, was no way on either one of them. It killed me that they were being so hard on themselves. Since this happened, they are even more protective over me now than before, if that is even possible. Once I got sent home from the hospital, they were both at my side constantly. They would not let me go anywhere alone. I barely left our apartment. I would only really talk about it, to the two of them. It took me a long time after this to get on my feet again. I had a lot of other people besides Connor and Chase supporting me through this, and everyone really was there for me and helped to lift me up, and I am so lucky to have so many people that love and care for me, I truly have it good. But I was in so much emotional/mental pain after this. I really went through it last year. I was on edge, for such a long time after this. I had a lot of days where I would hardly get out of bed. It took all the energy I had in me to even just take a shower or change my clothes. I was not me for a long time after this. Slowly but surely though, Connor and Chase helped me pick up the pieces. They both slept with me every night (I usually only sleep with Connor) and I would often wake up to nightmares, which eventually lessened, and they would be there to comfort me and I cannot even express how much they helped me during all of this. I know, without a doubt that I would not have been able to get through this dark time, If I didn’t have the two of them right by my side. I slowly started getting back into my normal routine again, and it felt good. But I never forgot. The boys would not let me go anywhere alone, especially at night. They still have a hard time with it, to this day. It took a lot of time for me to get to a good place. I still have my bad days, but I just realized that I can’t let the men who did this to me have all of this power over me. I have to keep living my life. Dancing once my rib healed really helped me get on my feet again, too. I used it as a outlet for all of my pain and anger I was feeling, and it helped so much. Teaching new choreography to my students helped. My students were also all so great to me, so I had so many people in my corner. I have never forgotten that day, and I never will. I was really broken for a long time, and something people should know about me, is it takes a lot to break me, but those three men who did this, managed to. But, they don’t know Connor and Chase like I do. They don’t know that those two would die for me if push came to shove in a second and would not hesitate, as I would for them in a second. They don’t know the strong bond/eternal love that we all have for each other, and how much we all really mean to one another. I am not complete, without the two of them. Just like they aren’t complete, without me. So, I know how good I have it. A lot of people that have gone through something like I did, are not as lucky as me. They don’t have even one person to help fix you, let alone two. And I really feel for all of those people, because no one should have to go through something like I did, alone with no one to help you through it. I am truly lucky, and I know that. Those two boys, really are my entire world. This whole experience, did nothing but bring the three of us closer together.

This is getting so long, so I’m going to end this by saying, thank you for thinking of me. It is getting close to that one year mark, and it’s going to be a hard day when that day actually hits. But, I’ll be okay. Because I have Connor and Chase, and all of my other friends and family. I am never really alone, when I have all of them. I’m a tough person, but going through what I went through, would break even the strongest person. You will just have to trust me when I say that. I can’t tell you why, because I really can’t go into the details of what exactly happened like I said before. I am just trying my best to put my best foot forward. My daughter, ever since she was born, is the light of my life. I have been on cloud nine, since the day she came into the world. I am just so happy to have made it through that day, and to be where I am today, being engaged to the love of my life, and have my daughter here with us. She is the best thing Connor and I ever did together, she is our everything, we are both in love with her, and she already is such a perfect combination of the both of us. I have a lot of things to be thankful for, and I don’t take any of them granted, for a second. So, sorry for the novel. Things got really deep there. I feel like I said all of the things I could say. I again really appreciate your kind words, and I want you to know that it means so much to me, when you say that you look up to me. You are way too sweet, and I appreciate you a lot <33

[comebackwhen]

ASGZC , #7 "I almost lost you" , I'd like to see Cloud hurt. I love near death fics, they are my fucking jam. step on my heart :D

(cont.) same anon who requested #7 - being more specific, I really want to see how the boys handled almost losing Cloud in that explosion, all nitty gritty, painful details of their desperate waiting game - imagining the most horrible 'what if' scenarios.

Here you go, nonnie! Better late than never, right? No idea if you’re even hanging around anymore, but...  Hopefully this is what you were hoping for?

So little time to write these days. Work gets busy over summer and I’m trying to get promoted again. I pretty much work, drive and sleep. Still working on the prompts waiting in my box when I have the time, not to mention other stuff that I’ve been poking at for ages. My google drive is a hoooot mess. 

Anyway, this is set before Marry Me and references things in that story, but you don’t really need to read one to understand the other.

Also on AO3, if you prefer.

“I’m just saying, slum patrols seem irrelevant.” Connor muttered kicking a can into a pile of rubble, “The people who live down here don’t need our help unless something crazy happens and even then, Shinra calls out the Soldiers.”Beside him, Sawyer snorted, “You’re complaining about that? Personally, I’m glad that we don’t usually end up in the thick of the crazy. I like all my limbs right where they’re at, thanks.”Cloud rolled his eyes as his squadmates bickered. This was the third time this month that he had heard this same argument. He was glad that slum patrols had been so quiet. If there was any real trouble waiting for them in Sector Five, it would have heard Connor and Sawyer a mile away.Privately, he longed for the day he would make it into Soldier. Zack, Genesis, Angeal and Sephiroth talked like it would happen any day, even though Cloud knew he was not eligible for consideration for at least four more months and that did not guarantee that he would be selected. As annoyed as he was to hear Connor’s familiar whining, the man was not wrong. Their missions were little more than a show of power. Of course, venting his frustration on a whole eater always helped. If they would shut up, Cloud was sure he could find one.

Something buried in the junk pile just in front of Sawyer caught Cloud’s attention. He reached out and signaled for Lucien to hold beside him and grabbed Sawyer by the back armor strap. Connor came to a stop next to Sawyer, “Strife what-”Cloud held up a hand for quiet, turning his head so he could focus on the sound that had originally made him pause. It sounded like a clicking that was fairly steady except for the odd off rhythm thunk. He realized what he was hearing a moment too late. He yanked Sawyer back by the armor strap, throwing him into Connor and Lucien and away from the bomb. The shrapnel burned as it bit into his leg, hip and shoulder. Cloud’s rifle dropped from numb fingers. His leg crumpled under him, unable to support his weight.“Shit, shit… Lucien-” Lucien was already shoving past Sawyer and Connor, materia glowing green in his bracer, “I got it. Sawyer, call for backup. Anton’s squad is in Sector Seven. They should be able to get here in a few minutes. Connor, get over here and brace Cloud.”Cloud grunted when Connor helped shift him onto his back. Connor was careful to not touch any of the areas where metal had been buried in his skin, but every part of his body screamed in pain. He could feel the blood welling up and spilling past the shrapnel, soaking into his ruined uniform. “Cloud, focus on me.” Lucien said, leaning forward until he was clearly in Cloud’s field of vision, “This is going to hurt, but we need to get the worst of it out so we can heal you up.”Cloud swallowed hard, trying to keep his eyes on Lucien instead of his own body. He had only been healed from a serious wound once, and the bullet had gone clear through his shoulder. The feeling of knitting flesh was horrible and painful. Watching it happen would be so much worse. Cloud reached up and gripped Connor’s wrist with his clean hand. His squadmate took that as a sign to hold him down.The healing was worse than the injury itself had been. Cloud thought he had been ready for the pain, but nothing could have prepared him for the searing agony that ripped through his shoulder, hip and calf. Cloud screamed, unable to bite it back. Connor had thrown all his weight down to keep Cloud from bucking him off, barely succeeding. Beside them Lucien started cursing viciously.“The fuck is going on over there Lucien!?” Sawyer yelled, hand covering the mouthpiece of his phone. “The materia they gave us is useless!” Lucien spat, “Probably just spawned. The skin’s all healed over the shrapnel instead of pushing it out. We need to get him back up topside before he goes into shock. We can’t wait for Anton to catch up.” Lucien and Connor started to rig a stretcher while Sawyer finished up the call. Cloud could not seem to catch his breath. He could feel sweat rolling down his skin but he felt colder than he could recall being in years. Even Nibelheim winters had never felt this cold. He could feel his hands start to tremble.“Tell me something, Cloud.” Lucien called over his shoulder as he lashed a blanket to a broken pipe.Cloud could not focus on his thoughts clearly, “I don’t… what-”Connor grinned at Cloud, even if it looked a little strained, “Tell us about that girlfriend of yours.”“I d-don’t have a girlfriend.” Cloud’s teeth began to chatter and he clenched his jaw to stop it.Sawyer joined them just in time to help shift Cloud onto the makeshift stretcher, “Your boyfriend, then. We know you’ve got someone you spend your downtime with.”Maybe it was the blood loss or the fact that he was not sure he would survive to make it back to HQ, but Cloud felt the his usual inhibitions slip, “Shows w-what you know. That’s boyfriends.” “I’m not surprised.” Connor’s laughter was tinged with panic, “As much of a pain in the ass as you are… it’d take more than one person to keep you in line.”The trip back above the plate was a haze of pain that Cloud barely recalled. He kept up a steady stream of words, prompted by his squad mates, about the men he loved. When asked about it later, he could not remember a single thing he had said. He had vague memories of being moved from the stretcher onto a bed in the infirmary and being treated with a potion made from dazers that was meant to numb the skin that had healed over his wounds. That did little to dull the pain of the shrapnel being removed. Unconsciousness was a blessed relief. When he awoke again, the chaos had subsided and he was alone with the beeping of the machinery that monitored him. He lifted the blanket and moved the collar of his shirt, surprised to see the wounds had been neatly stitched.“We thought it best to let the skin heal naturally for a day or two before we tried materia again.” Not as alone as he thought, Cloud looked up in surprise to see a woman checking the monitors and scribbling notes on a clipboard, “You were a mess once we got all the shrapnel out and the magic wasn’t taking very well. It happens sometimes if you’re healed too rapidly  in succession, especially with the way your body handles mako. We’ll patch you up before you leave in a day or two.”Cloud slumped back against the bed, “A day or two?”“Trust me, you’ll need it.” The nurse smiled at him, “You feel okay now, but you’ll be out again in no time. Your body needs the rest anyway.”Before he could say anything else, Cloud was distracted by some commotion out in the hallway. The nurse heard it, too, “I’m just going to see what’s going on and let the doctor know you’re awake. Hang tight.”As soon as she opened the door, Cloud could hear Zack’s voice, “-heard him in there! If he’s awake, I need to see him.” “Zack?”“Cloud!” He could hear the sound of a scuffle just outside of the door, “He’s asking for me. Let me-”“First Class Fair, control yourself or, Soldier or not, I will have you removed.” Cloud was not sure who was talking to Zack, but he was a little impressed in spite of himself. When Zack wanted something, he could be intimidating. It was easy to forget he was a Soldier when he turned on the charm.As the nurse slipped back in the room, Cloud saw a bit of spiky black hair behind her before the door was firmly closed, “Was that Zack?”“I don’t think he’s left since you were brought in.” She said, smoothing her scrubs and trying to regain her composure, “The commanders and General Sephiroth even came here to try and talk sense into him, but he wouldn’t go. The doctor will keep him-”“I want to see him.” She gave him a tired smile, “You  won’t be cleared for visitors until tomorrow at the earliest.”Cloud scoffed, “Let me rephrase that… either you let him in or I will go out to him.”“Strife-”Rolling his eyes, Cloud got an elbow underneath himself so he could push up and out of bed. It hurt like hellfire, but he was remarkably stubborn when he needed to be.The nurse yelped and gently pushed him back into the bed, “Okay! Okay. Just stop. I’ll let him in.”Zack was already opening the door before the nurse could get Cloud to settle down. She threw her hands up and left them alone. As soon as the door was closed, Zack cupped Cloud’s cheek. He looked Cloud over, eyes lingering longest on the bandages that remained. Cloud covered Zack’s hand with his own, “I’m okay.” “I’m glad one of us is.” Zack said, voice cracking a bit on the joke. He leaned down and pressed his forehead against Cloud’s, “I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life. Kunsel told me that you were being rushed to the infirmary when patrol went wrong, but no one would tell me anything else. Angeal, Sephiroth, Genesis, we all tried to get info on your recovery but they just kept telling us it wasn’t a Soldier matter and they could only give updates to family-”“Zack, breathe.” Cloud rubbed his nose against Zack’s.Zack chuckled and nuzzled Cloud, “Sorry. It’s been a rough couple of days.”“Days!” Cloud yelped, nearly headbutting Zack. He took a good look at his boyfriend as he straightened up to avoid Cloud’s flailing. His expression was pinched looking with dark smudges under his eyes that spoke of at least one sleepless night.“They knocked you out after the surgery so your body could rest.” Zack said pressing Cloud back down gently so he didn’t pop any stitches, “All they’d tell us is that you came through okay and that we could see you when you were released. It was Connor who finally told us what happened… and you might owe him a beer or two because Sephiroth and Genesis were a little-”“Intense?” Cloud tried and failed to bite back a smile.Zack nodded with a quirked eyebrow, “You know how they are when they get surprised and when he called us your boyfriends, well, it was a lot to take in all at once.”The smile dropped off Cloud’s face so fast that Zack could not help but laugh. Cloud punched him in the shoulder, “This isn’t funny, Zack! I- I-”“Outed us to your squadmates?” Zack suggested, wiggling his eyebrows. When he realized how upset Cloud was, he toned it down, “Cloud, it’s okay. It’s kind of been a relief, you know? We all talked about it after and, yeah, we could cover it up. I’m sure your squadmates could be persuaded to keep their mouths shut or we could play it off, but why bother?”Cloud swallowed hard, “I’m pretty sure we have a list somewhere.”  Zack cupped his cheek again, “I almost lost you. We almost lost you. Suddenly, there wasn’t a single reason on that stupid list that meant anything. I’m pretty sure Genesis lit it on fire, actually.” “Yeah?”Zack’s chuckle was a little watery sounding, “We said we’d wait for you. It’s your decision to make, too, but we’re tired of worrying about what anyone else thinks.”Cloud turned his head and nuzzled Zack’s calloused palm, “Can you call the others? I want to see them.” “I texted them when I heard the nurse talking to you.” Zack grinned when the door opened behind him, “Honestly, I can’t believe it took them this long.”“President Shinra tried to keep us from leaving a meeting.” Angeal growled. He, Genesis and Sephiroth quickly moved to join Zack at Cloud’s bedside. Genesis was quick to scoop up one of Cloud’s hands, bringing it to his lips, “Never again. You will be coming back to my apartment, where I am going to wrap you in some sort of protective bubble and keep you constantly in my sight.”“Considering our line of work, won’t that put me in danger a lot?” Cloud asked, teasingly. Sephiroth threaded his fingers through Cloud’s hair, “I think you’re at least a week from being able to make jokes about this.”“He’s being generous.” Angeal muttered, taking Cloud’s other hand, “I’m not sure this will ever be funny to me.”Cloud looked at the men he loved. If Zack looked worn, Genesis, Angeal and Sephiroth looked worse. Genesis was always impeccable looking, but there was a dullness to his hair and skin that Cloud had never seen before, not even when he had spent weeks on missions. Angeal looked bone weary, the circles under his eyes far more pronounced than Zack’s. The less said about the unusual paleness of Sephiroth’s skin, the better“I’m sorry.”There was an immediate chorus of protests from all of them. Angeal squeezed his hand, “The way your squadmates tell it, you’re a hero.” “Sawyer practically swears you threw yourself on the bomb to save him.” Genesis eyed the bandages warily, “Knowing you like I do, I wouldn’t be surprised if you did.”Cloud snorted, “It wasn’t like that. I threw Sawyer into Connor and Lucien to get them out of the way. Just didn’t have time to get into cover myself, so I took the brunt of it.”“Well, be prepared. Their version has been getting around.” Zack patted him on the leg, “You’re going to get special treatment whether you like it or not.” “Official report said that a girl in the slums was trying to clear out a monster nest with some homemade explosives.” Angeal’s expression was the angriest Cloud had ever seen it, “When she couldn’t get it to detonate, she assumed it was a dud and left it in the junk pile where you found it.”Cloud wanted to be angry, but he could not summon up the energy. He let out a little sigh, “Better us than some kids or something, I guess. It wouldn’t have been so bad if the materia had been better. My skin healed over the shrapnel and they had to cut it out once I got back to HQ.”Everyone winced at the thought. Genesis’s eyes flashed with fury, probably at the idea of sending anyone into the field with underdeveloped equipment. He was known to be the premier materia specialist in the company and he took that title very seriously. Cloud wished he could be a fly on the wall when Genesis ripped into whoever was responsible for materia distribution for the Infantry. If nothing else, Cloud was glad it would never happen to anyone else.Sephiroth resumed running his fingers through Cloud’s hair, “There’s talk of a promotion, maybe even a recommendation to Soldier. Lazard wants to meet you once you’re on your feet again.”Cloud was not sure what to say. It was everything he had hoped for when he first came to Shinra. Having Genesis, Angeal, Sephiroth and Zack there to share it with him, made it better than he could have imagined. He swallowed hard against the prick of tears he could feel in his eyes. Genesis smiled down at him, “I think we’re wearing you out, sweetheart.” Zack leaned around Genesis and pressed a kiss to Cloud’s forehead. When he straightened again he gave Genesis a sharp grin, “Let’s go harass the doctors a little until they agree to let us take Cloud home tomorrow.”Genesis pressed one lingering kiss to Cloud’s knuckles before he let Zack lead him away, “You’re thinking small… Between the two of us, I bet we can convince them to let us take him tonight.”Angeal rolled his eyes and kissed Cloud goodbye quickly, “I’m going to make sure they don’t upset anyone. We’ll see you soon.”Finally, only Sephiroth remained. He stroked Cloud’s hair a little longer and Cloud felt his eyes growing heavy, even though he had only been awake a short time. Just before he fell asleep again, he heard Sephiroth murmur, “I thought I understood, that I had prepared myself to lose one of you if something ever went wrong. I was such a fool.”Cloud wanted to say something, but he could not win against the lure of sleep. Sephiroth kissed his forehead and Cloud could feel a smile on his lips, “I love you, my Cloud. We’ll be back soon to take you home.”

#ffvii #ask memery #my writing #asgzc #cloud strife #zack fair #angeal hewley #genesis rhapsodos #sephiroth #tw: blood #tw: injuries #cloud gets hurt on a mission #the fills are coming #slowly #but they're coming #i've been so creatively drained lately though #this was fun though #kinda reminds me of rescue #but softer and more floofy kinda? #hope you liked it nonnie #<3 #Anonymous

[rosyredlipstick]

Hi! I love your aphrodite cabin fics. Could write something about one of the aphrodite boys and an ares boy?

As I just mentioned Stefan noticing how an Ares guy waschecking him out, I’m gonna assume that’s who you want ;)

Hope you enjoy! Just a quick drabble that’s unedited and was wrote in an hour ENJOY MY SPELLING MISTAKES.

Piece of Data - Drabble. 

-

Stefan was a distraction.

Both in the sense of because of his absolutely entrancing beauty(his own words) and, well, in the technical sense.

He liked the focus on the first part, okay?

He was bait, he absolutely knew. Mitchell was in a treesomewhere, knocking out the blue team as they edged towards their flag, andScarlett and Drew, along with a few Hermes girls, were on guard duty – probablya mile away.

Mitchell had at least winced when he gave out Stefan’sposition, an apologetic look on his face.

An Ares kid wouldn’t be able to refuse a fight, especially fromsomeone who was doomed to lose from the beginning. They’d – hopefully – be distractedenough with Stefan to not notice when Sebastian and a few Apollo kids snuck by.They had used this strategy before, and the last person to have this job was inthe infirmary for days, but it worked and they were desperate for a win.

He took a breath, his position under the guise of guarding a‘secret’ entrance (with poorly thrown vines covering the small cave to nowherethat would hopefully act as another distraction), and allowed himself to notfocus on the amount of concealer he was going to have to buy to leave thecabin.

Stefan was resting against the side of the cave, running hisfinger around the detail in the handle of his blade, when he heard the tell-talestomping across the dirt, heavy-footed and heading straight his way.

He stood straighter, his sword coming up, already knowing –Ares kids were the only campers whowalked that way, and Stefan was in the wide-open.

He wasn’t any good with a sword, not like Mitchell was withhis bow, or Drew was with her knives. He was average, able to beat maybe Sophiaon a bad day but never a match forLacey.

And he definitely wasn’ta match for an Ares kid.

But he was anything, he was stubborn, and he wasn’t goingdown without a fight, however terribly fought.

Maybe if he got a few bruises Mitchell would feel bad enoughto persuade Connor into sneaking in a pizza like when Lacey broke her ankle.That’d be nice, at least.

The camper – tall, clearly male but hidden behind distanceand the gold cover of his mask – emerged from the side, coming to a slight stopas he noticed Stefan in the clearing. The gray Ares symbol was stark againstthe honey armor, a threat and a promise in the image.  

He was big, that was obvious even without the bronze armorcovering his impressive biceps and wide shoulders. He took a few steps closerto Stefan, a moment of hesitation crossing before he pulled out his sword.

Stefan dug his heels into the dirt, a determined lineangling across his face. The kid looked to be alone, but Athena and Ares hadteamed up for this game so trusting his eyes was out of the question.

“You’re not going past here.” Stefan told him, keeping hishands steady on the cool metal.

The guy took a step forward, his sword swinging with hisstep. “Why they’d put you out here? On your own?”

His voice seemed to be filled with light concern. Unsure ifit was mocking, Stefan scowled instead.

“I don’t need anyone out here.” Stefan lifted his sword overhis shoulder, ready for when the other guy would inevitably attack. Vaguely, hethought of pizza.

The guy paused, his face still hidden under his goldenhelmet. “You’re bait, aren’t you?” He glanced around, apparently looking forwhatever Stefan was hiding. Desperately, he hoped his teammates weren’t stupidenough to run right away.

Stefan huffed out a breath, a little offended. I mean, justbecause it was true doesn’t mean thisAres jerk could say it.

“Are we going to fight, or what?” Stefan asked, less urge toactually fight, more urge to swing his blade at the other guy and maybe denthis armor up a bit.

The Ares jerk was interrupted by the snap of a twig, apparentlysignificant enough to make his whole body freeze up. Stefan resisted the urgeto reach out and pet the other guy’s tensed muscles – they were actually prettyspectacular.

The guy snapped out of his brief shock, spinning around tostare into the forest, leaving his back exposed which was…unheard of, with Areskids.

Whatever the guy saw had him turning back to Stefan, anervous line making up his shoulders.

Damn, did this guy have nice shoulders.

Stefan was weak, okay?

The guy glanced behind him, a nervous motion, and took astep back. “Go.”

Stefan paused, his nervous hands tightening around hisblade. “What?”

The guy waved his hands to the side, still staring behindhim. “Go! Before Quinn and Astrid get here.”

Despite what Scarlett had been drilling into him since hisfirst Capture the Flag, his defense dropped at that, and his stared up at theother boy with a look of confusion. “What are you talking around?”

The guy huffed out a breath, and Stefan had the suddenlydesire to know who he was actually talking to under the armor. “Just go,Stefan!” His words sounded like they were being demanded through gritted teeth,“I don’t want you to get hurt, okay? Go!”

Stefan blinked a few times, and it wasn’t until the guyreached forward and pushed him back that he finally came to his senses. Anotherpair of stomping feet was suddenly audible, and while Stefan could brave thepunch of a single demi-god, three on one? No one would blame him for running (exceptDrew, but she would blame him on the rain if she could figure out how).

He stumbled back, finally realizing, and shot off before hecould think to utter out a thank you or question.

The plan fell apart anyways – Sebastian twisted his ankleand Hina and Kayla got captured before they could use the distraction. Blueteam won, and it was enough for them to agree to try the plan again next week.

Stefan ignored the worried glance Mitchell shot him as hevolunteered as bait.

-

Stefan was actually really into science.

Always had been – his dad was always off at work and hiscollege-age babysitter clearly had no reference for children age material andwould therefore simply read her class textbooks for him as a bedtime story.

They always worked to put him to sleep, that’s for sure.

But when he was ten – before everything with his familyhappened and he was forced to run off to the vague idea of a camp in New York –the bedtime stories actually became…cool. Maria was long out of college bythen, but didn’t think to trade her reading material for anything moresensible.

So when other kids were reading A Series of Unfortunate Events, and fell asleep to characters of HarryPotter – Stefan was getting chapters of Physics textbooks, and dreamt ofexploding stars and black holes.

And, because of that, Stefan had never had less than A- inany of his science classes.

It’s also why he was so fond of experiments.

And this, right now, this situation was an experiment.

He had his materials – himself, mainly, but also his weaponand armor.

Procedure – go along as closely as possible to last week’sevents, staying alone in the clearing as bait.

His purpose – find out why exactly a son of Ares wouldresist the opportunity to fight – and if he’d do it again.

His hypothesis: As the situation was the same as last week,the son of Ares would come back to the clearing. The result: Unknown, more dataneeded.

Stefan waited there, his finger tapping out a nervouspattern on his handle. He had taken off his helmet long ago, more curious todetermine who the guy was. Anyways, it was within arm’s length and wouldn’ttake more than a moment to put on.

It took a bit longer then last week – perhaps due to theDemeter attack they planned on the West end of forest, but he was back.

It was the same guy, Stefan knew. The mental image of hisstrong shoulders, not even weighted under the heavy armor, had been a frequentmemory of the last week.

The armor added just enough bulk to distort what Stefan knew– he’d been staring that the other cabin all week, desperate to find familiarlines in their bodies, a familiar note in their voices.

The guy walked slowly to him, not even disgusting the facthe was heading straight for Stefan. He hadn’t drawn his blade, not like lasttime, but kept his arms loose at his sides.

The guy sighed as he stood in front of Stefan, and the soundwas almost amused. Weird. “Didn’t you learn from last time you shouldn’t hangout here alone?”

Stefan leaned on his sword, the blade sinking into the softearth a bit. “I can handle myself.”

He hummed, “So that’s why you’re bait right? And where’syour helmet?”

“I don’t want hat hair.” Stefan told him, angling up hischin like he’d seen Drew do.

Something like laughter shook the guy’s shoulders and Stefansuddenly so suddenly wanted to know who it was. “Aphrodite kids, of course.Shoulda known.”

He had a slight southern accent to his words. Stefan fiercelywished he had paid more attention to when the Ares and Aphrodite kids wouldmeet up,  wish he knew more than justtheir names and ass shape.

He added the fact of the accent to his data, continuing on.

“I’d say the same about you except…” Stefan grinned, and heknew how it made him look. He let off a bit of his allure – not much, they werepublic after all – and said, “You didn’t fight me. What was that about?”

He shrugged, drawing even more attention to his shoulders which, um, fuck. “I like you.” He said, matter-of-fact. Stefan’s cheeks, embarrassingly,heated up at the frank sentence. “I’m not gonna fight you if I like you.” Hecocked his head to the side, his voice curious. “Is that why your cabin put youhere?”

Stefan opened his mouth to deny the fact except, um, didthey?

They were all forced to watch Mitchell moon-eye over Connorlast summer, each sworn to stay out of each other love lives. They would neverdirectly intervene, no, but this was the kind of subtle motions his cabin wasfluent in.

Stefan paused. Didthey?

Before he could answer – thankfully, because Stefan had no idea – the guy froze up again, likelast week, and spun towards the forest, then Stefan.

He cursed, “Clarisse is coming.” The guy hissed, not pushingStefan away – like last week – but pushing him back towards the cave. “Hide!”

Stefan actually did as told because, um, Clarisse was fucking terrifying.

The cave wasn’t big, just enough space to walk around a bit,hardly standing at full length.

But it was perfectfor hiding – specifically if you curl up in the corner of the shadows.

The stomping got closer, the sound lightening as she emergedin the grassy learing. Stefan couldn’t see the head counselor, could hardly seethe edge of the guy’s back through the vines – now was really not thetime to notice but Stefan was suddenly so grateful that the Ares kids nevermissed leg day because damn -

“I cleared this area.” Stefan could barely hear the guy tellher, “Roxy and Hunter took the east part of the forest.”

She grunted in agreement, “Good. They’ve got good eyes. Youdone here? Annabeth is about to make the attack for the flag and we needdefense.”

“Yeah, I’m done – let’s go.”

There was a moment of silence – a pause, and Stefan wonderedhow long he should wait before crawling out. The quiet was broken, and whenClarisse spoke up, her voice was much more closer then Stefan would havepreferred. “Did you check that cave?”

“Nothing there. Some spiders, a few garden snakes.”

That must have been the right thing to say, because Clarisse’svoice was much more distant as she responded. “Gross. Alright, find Eliza and –“She cut herself off, her voice edging up. “Shit! That’s Kayla! Get her!”

Both of them shot off after Kayla, hopefully missing howHina was shadowing after her, Sebastian ahead.  

He was left alone, the sudden quiet leaving him with aphysical presence in the cave, as well as a major fact.

Stefan…had to figure out who that guy was.

It couldn’t be Archer – much too young – and they hadmentioned Hunter. That left…Sherman, Mark, Arsen, and Ellis. For the first timein his life, Stefan cursed the similar, tall, muscular build that all the olderAres teens carried.

He needed to figure this out.

And he needed more data.

-

The red flag was flowing through the air, and his team was still screaming their heads off.

Scarlett had cried, and Mitchell was still pretending hispink eyes had to do with lack of sleep.

They had thrown Stefan in the air, each demanding to know howhe’d managed to distract two Areskids while Sebastian and Hina snuck by without even getting a bruise.

Stefan was still laughing, pretending like his story wasmore interesting then “I hid in the cave”and pretending to take the tale to his grave.

His siblings and friends surrounded him, each high on theirown version of the game. Mitchell and Connor, disgustingly, were lip-locked inthe middle of the crowd, Connor’s winning move of delivering the other side’sflag apparently still being rewarded.

Stefan was laughing as Lacey hung off him and Sophia’sshoulders, her feet kicked up so she could swing between them. Both of them,giggling, hugged him tight, Sophia’s hand coming up to ruffle his hair. Theypulled away, running off to apparently octopus Sebastian as he held Sabrina onhis shoulders.

Their team was integrated with each cabin freely running backand forth, a Demeter girl hand-in-hand with Scarlett, a Hermes guy trailingafter them both, each of them beaming with victory as they ran off. There wasalready a rumor the Hermes cabin had a victory celebration planned, and fromthe several cotton candy machines being wheeled out, it wasn’t just that.

Stefan was just peeling off a hug from Sabrina, Sebastianrunning off in her wake as she shot away, when something – someone – caught thecorner of his eye.

Ellis – one of the Ares kids around his age, strolled up toStefan, grinning, and Stefan’s world nearly took a 360.

Ellis…had really nice shoulders.

And had always stared at Stefan’s collarbones more then normal (which, Stefan had amazing collarbones, he knew this, so it was to be expected to a certain extent)

Stefan had the sudden vivid memory of one of the Hermes kidsSpring Break parties last month, where there was too much alcohol and not enoughadult supervision, where Stefan had made out with three separate guys in onenight – Malcolm, who still avoiding his eyes, Basil, who was the biggest flirt inDemeter and still winked at Stefan from across the Mess Hall, and –

And Ellis.

He had been so fuzzy that night, just happy to be in someone’sarms with all their attention on him. It had been the end of the night, andStefan was always, uh, excited afterhis third drink, and Ellis had…

He blinked, nearly dizzy with the forgotten memory.

…Ellis had dropped him off with Mitchell, laughing andpulling off Stefan’s arms as Stefan tried to push down his pants. He winked,telling Stefan to come back if he actually remembered anything in the morning.

Stefan hadn’t, not at all, only remembering bits and piecesof warm mouth and dark hair, not really thinking of how he ended up waking upin Mitchell’s bottom bunk. Had only known it was three guys instead of the two he remembered from Sebastian’s later teasing about one-upping him. 

Ellis was grinning down at him now, amused, his helmettucked under his arm.

And that….that was the last piece of data.

Hope you enjoyed, anon! And I apologize for my many mistakes but i’m tired and I have homework

#asks #rosy answers #fic #my fic #ares cabin #aphrodite cabin #my ocs

[bbgleeproject]

[2/7/17, 10:30:15 AM] Ruthie: (*) WILL YOU BE TRYING TO SHOWMANCE ANYONE THIS SEASON? (*) [2/7/17, 12:11:14 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): trying to showmance is hard because no one woukd want to with me so I probably won't try [2/7/17, 4:17:13 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): also I don't know what to dr about except that I am not winning hoh for my clique lol [2/7/17, 6:18:04 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): dr: Daniel told me to shut up so if he gets put up his ass is grass [2/7/17, 9:59:50 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): when Nicholas won and I am safe, plus safe in bbdarkness so yay safety

[2/7/17, 11:03:56 PM] Ruthie: (*) NICHOLAS WON HOH.  HOW ARE YOU FEELING ABOUT THAT? (*)

[2/7/17, 11:11:12 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I feel I answered this, but I am glad because I am safe and I am glad for that. [2/8/17, 10:14:01 AM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): so Daniel is digging his own grave I think like he started a fight at 6 am with matthew henning he is so extra [2/8/17, 10:24:47 AM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): there was no personal attacks ruthie :P I am sure Daniel doesn't mean it he clearly is trying too hard to be funny week 1 that's it lol I mean It makes me not want him in this game and if he goes up I want to vote him out but personal? this wasn't really he is just being  extra to be iconic or something [2/8/17, 1:30:40 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): Daniel is so arrogant lol like I got he was trying to be funny it just wasn't funny I- [2/8/17, 1:31:36 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): no one was offended though matthew henning doesn't really get offended we just made it clear that it wasn't funny shrugs [2/8/17, 1:33:28 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): no like I am saying he thinks people were offended I was in a call with people they weren't [2/8/17, 1:33:34 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): they just found him really annoying [2/8/17, 1:34:04 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): and matthew hennings skype is as matthew henning so why would he need to make a new one [2/8/17, 1:34:55 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): no like I am saying I was on call with these people they weren't anyway I am more talking about that bull apology [2/8/17, 1:35:33 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): it wasn't real he knows matthew hennings name matthew henning is matthew henning on skype so to me he is just being arrogant [2/8/17, 1:37:02 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): but yes it has gotten offensive not because of what he thinks that people are "sensitive" but because he has over done it to the point where it's not funny [2/8/17, 1:40:51 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): On 2/8/17, at 1:28 PM, da Divine Damned Daniel wrote: >  i'll call u by ur name but idk id recommend a new skype if u don't wanna be called icemystic1216 like it's matthew henning on skype like does he need proof or something? [2/8/17, 1:42:15 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): On 2/8/17, at 1:29 PM, da Divine Damned Daniel wrote: > and the other girl i forget ur entire name but i'm soz for whatever i did i dunno lol but u were sticking up for ur friend so and I feel like this is referring to me and he knows my name he seems to just want to start fights with people even [2/8/17, 1:43:03 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): i am sure it's for drama in this game but like it's week 1? and he isn't safe from eviction [2/8/17, 1:51:34 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): yeah idk him at all I met him in the bbglee vl i thought he was nice at first but idk if he's ever played big brother before but he can't do this week 1 when he is not safe that's probably why no one is fighting him because I am sure Nicholas will be putting him up [2/8/17, 1:53:09 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): no I get that I love newbies but newbies need a big brother do and don't for week 1 lol [2/8/17, 1:53:20 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): clearly he does anyway [2/8/17, 1:54:06 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): he reminds of this housguest from house of shade 9 who we banned from house of shade because he went really personal on someone after being voted out week 1 hopefully he is not like that after we vote him out if he goes this week [2/8/17, 1:55:24 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): also he just sent a holocaust joke meme and that's not funny at all like andie just said [2/8/17, 2:07:55 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): so he called me a foot infection interesting I only told him matthew hennings name like [2/8/17, 2:08:57 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): On 2/8/17, at 2:08 PM, Matthew Henning wrote: > WHO TF IS CHRISSA IS THAT A FOOT DISEASE IM THE BIGGEST GLEE FAN U BLISTERING FOOT ZIT Daniel said this earlier Mathew henning sent me I didn't see it because I was sleeping [2/8/17, 2:10:20 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I never personally claimed I was the number 1 glee fan I just said I really love it like what? [2/8/17, 2:24:28 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I also think the apology about calling me a foot disease was fake but I am not fighting him because he is just gonna be voted out, he seems to have a huge ego [2/8/17, 2:37:34 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): tbh he can do that all he wants I love him ruining his game week 1 lol [2/8/17, 2:41:47 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): a lot of people on the detention call already wanted him gone and Nic wants him gone Ncholas was on that call he will put him up as I said this is like that houseguest from house of shade 9 who was messy week 1 lol [2/8/17, 2:42:36 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I hope this atleast teaches Daniel a lesson if not I don't feel I can be friends with someone like him [2/8/17, 2:43:10 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): i am never easily offended either to be honest he is a different case [2/8/17, 2:44:27 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): it didn't teach houseguest a lesson as he still went off on people after being voted out and houseguest was 23 sometimes the egos are too big [2/8/17, 2:45:24 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): like if Daniel thinks this is a joke he probably doesn't care how his words affect people [2/8/17, 2:47:24 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): whew I love this game though [2/8/17, 3:31:03 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): On 2/8/17, at 3:28 PM, da Divine Damned Daniel wrote: > ok I'm gonna leave so you can all celebrate and what not, but quite frankly i don't want to be in a group were people get hurt over small things, and i don't wanna be the one to cause people pain and hurt, so I'm sorry if ive offended you in some sort of way but i feel its best and I'm sure some of you will agree if I'm not around, i hope someone replaces me who you all get along with much better and is less 'intense' as me i guess but just letting u know theres a certain person here u all love thats just playing u so i hope u don't make the wrong decisions and no its not christa, emily or connor its someone i haven't fought with or whatever this is anyways i wish u all luck and i hope u love glee as much as i do by the end xxxxxxx ps. elizabeth better get my spot he really wants to be this extra [2/9/17, 10:47:24 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I don't have anything to dr about except dom and Zach are on the block and that's crazy but I am split on who to vote at the moment lol idk

[2/9/17, 10:53:19 PM] Ruthie: (*) HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE PEOPLE IN YOUR CLIQUE? (*)

[2/10/17, 7:00:19 AM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): so I can't sleep but that's not new lol so I am just here lol thinking about how I am jesse st. james trash but Sydney got him first lol [2/10/17, 8:19:12 AM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): also I will answer: I love my clique honestly I get along with all of them.[2/11/17, 2:08:45 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): Also the best part of that recap is the meninist alliance being the most short lived alliance in bb history we did that

[2/12/17, 2:00:08 AM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): DR: I love Matthew henning zack ruining his chance ata possible hoh sad I hope his week 2/3 curse is broken though, Matthew henning always gets screwed over and it makes me honestly sad. [2/12/17, 2:02:21 AM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): also Julia Roxy is an icon that is all [2/12/17, 3:15:15 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): IS JAY ALIVE CAUSE I HAVE NEWS IF JULIA ROXY KISSES ELIJAH I AM HOH AND I AM TERRIFIED that is all [2/12/17, 3:16:15 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): i love after i wasn't kissed though nic said hi to me [2/12/17, 6:10:41 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): is hoh ever going to end? or will it just go on forever [2/12/17, 6:10:43 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): :P [2/12/17, 6:12:08 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): did Julia pick or is she still too busy [2/12/17, 6:12:11 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): :P [2/12/17, 6:24:10 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): she told me she sent her kiss don't be keeping me waiting :P [2/12/17, 6:34:28 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I was so close I knew she picked him already for some weird reason she wants nic to be safe [2/12/17, 6:44:15 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I came in here to cry at how I never get hoh's this is genuinely the saddest I have ever been about losing a comp [2/12/17, 6:45:18 PM] AshleySarah ~Glee Host~: It's ok!!!! U were close!!!! There will be other ones that you can win!!!! It's only week 2!!!!! [2/12/17, 6:45:34 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): no you see [2/12/17, 6:45:42 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): this is the only type of comp I can win [2/12/17, 6:45:51 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): i can't win flash games and other types of comps [2/12/17, 6:46:43 PM] AshleySarah ~Glee Host~: That's why we included a variety!!!!! I promise there are more like this!!!! No skill or knowledge of anything!!!! [2/12/17, 6:51:06 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): i hope so i honestly wish i could win competitions i honestly don't get why i am not good at any of them but then i remember how bad I've been genuinely all my life at games maybe it has something to do with having no hand eye coordination or my autism in general i was never really good at anything ever so why do i get my hopes up that i am now [2/12/17, 6:54:54 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): unless it's something like the kissing one I might not usually if it involves a score I never get higher than anyone else [2/12/17, 7:56:19 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): the issue with comps like normal ones I have at winning I figured it out so I really an inept at math if studied science i'd get an A but if I studied math all I would get is a B, um and so most normal comps somehow involve math so my brain goes into shut down mode because it's not ready for math lol [2/12/17, 7:59:53 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): it's like that episode of spongebob when he became the waiter and cleared his mind and all the spongebobs are freaking out because thy threw out his name but for me the name is math anything [2/12/17, 8:10:32 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I can't technically even tell time that's how bad I am [2/12/17, 8:10:44 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): 20 minutes when is that idk [2/12/17, 8:11:06 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): yesss [2/12/17, 8:14:34 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I also can't believe the lit detention chat started because someone added jeff week 1

[2/13/17, 12:08:12 AM] Ruthie: (lips) HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ELIJAH WINNING HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD? (lips)

[2/13/17, 12:09:34 AM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): you know how I feel honestly but I hope he is being honest and I am safe this week, I am kind of more over it now and I am happy for Elijah [2/14/17, 12:06:20 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): I truly want my valentine to be my husband Jay, that is all. [2/15/17, 7:20:38 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): people are fighting it's so extra my mood is now now revived [2/15/17, 10:32:31 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): Elijah is so stupid, so stupid because I have a really huge chance of not staying thanks to Julia rae being on the block beside me like who'd vote out Julia rae? no one. and if this backfires on him I will never forgive him he told me I was safe this week, why did he have to take a shot at Julia rae? like she isn't aligned with everyone he is such a bad hoh. [2/16/17, 8:05:23 PM] Chrissa Todd (circleofhappiness host): yep Elijah is dumb that's confirmed lol