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phynali · 3 years

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more spn discussions, just skip this post y’all

@queerbluebird thanks so much for engaging with my post/reply! i really enjoyed reading your response and i have a long reply here.

i’m responding to your post/reply here rather than reblogging it because honestly that thread is - so long. so very long.

so first -

i agree there is a difference between entitlement and what i would call, not promise, but instead “narrative follow-through”. A story that completely lacks narrative follow-through does end up feeling disappointing, or frustrating, or rage-inducing, depending on what’s happened. to me there’s a fundamental difference between critiquing a story based on follow-through and bad storytelling (which your post aims to do), versus say, creating hashtag campaigns about a character being silenced because and spreading conspiracy theories about a bad dub (among other things honestly).

and also - queerbaiting totally sucks, we definitely do agree on that.

where we disagree, i think are these two core points:

i do not see the narrative build-up that demands a follow-through. i do not see supernatural as having built up to the story that many destiel shippers seem to think was there, and no one has ever been able to point out to me any actual textual reasons that do craft that narrative build-up

i fundamentally do not believe that destiel was ever a queerbait. queerbait involves active intent on the part of creators to tease a ship or queer representation in order to draw in $ from queer audiences without ever making it canon, so as not to alienate straight audiences. so, refering to point 1., i do not see the canon text as having laid the groundwork for a queerbait and those romantic tropes, at least not at any point in the past 7 years. and beyond the canon, the writers and producers and jensen ackles all indicated dean was straight, and that they were not writing a romance. if anyone queerbaited the fans, it was misha collins who kept teasing the possibility, and personally i would argue that was irresponsible of him. but that’s a different discussion altogether and tends to piss people off when it’s framed as such, because misha means a lot to them and it hurts to see the man who validated their feelings get criticized for the manner in which he validated them. so i’m gonna leave that aside.

beyond that, I want to engage with some of your specific quotes:

Supernatural loves to say “wait for it.” And I don’t think it’s entitled to feel betrayed if an author uses their story to say “wait for it” in order to convince you to stick with their story and then delivers the opposite after you do.

May i ask, where was the “wait for it” with destiel? this ties in directly to the queerbaiting. i indicated in my post/reply that while i see it from cas, there’s been little to no hint of any reciprocation of feelings from dean, and if anything the past 7 or so years have driven the point home that it isn’t happening. i personally am not able to see the “Wait for it” and that was the point of my question. without the “Wait for it”, i also can’t see the queerbait.

I asked for specifics and while i totally get not having the spoons, you provided a few:

(off the top of my head for Dean though, the mixtape, his response to Cas’ death at the end of 12, subsequent grief arc, and reaction to Cas’ return in the front half of 13 rank highly. His reaction to Lucifer’s prank call in 15x19 might rate, but maybe just because it’s so recent.)

not trying to be unkind here, but i quite genuinely don’t see any of these examples as framing cas and dean in a romantic light, or as hinting at a “what if”. the mixtape is like.... okay, maybe. i had read that as being symbolic of something else, but i can see wanting to read it from a shipping lens. (i don’t however think i’d read it as baiting or “what if” - it was quite textually not framed that way. shipping, 100%, but canon build-up, not for me).

for the other examples -- grieving for someone you consider family? and being happy when they come back? that’s not shippy to me. i mean - contrast the grief he showed over cas’s death compared to his grief over, say, mary? or, less extreme, charlie? and nothing compared to how off the rails he goes when sam is dead or he thinks sam is. so i -- i just can’t see those as creating a narrative that demands a follow-through. and when your friend who is dead calls your phone? of course you hop to the door - i don’t know what is romantic about that. sam would’ve hopped just as quick if “cass” had called his phone instead.

and look - i see what is fun to ship about all that. if i shipped it, i’d be happily collecting these moments with a smile and grinning to myself about how cute they are and much they mean. but shipping it vs. it being romantically framed in the canon are two fundamentally different things. shipping doesn’t imply narrative buy-in or deliberation from the creator.

moving on, you also spoke at length about 15x18:

15x18 made the sort of statement that drew back even people who did exactly what OP said they should do, turning off the TV years ago. It wasn’t a quiet “if you’re still watching, keep waiting,” so much as a shouted “hey we’re gonna do this thing, watch this!”

i guess destiel fans vs. those of us who don’t ship it really see this as fundamentally different. because you discuss that moment as one which requires follow-through, and say that if this were heteronormative m/f love declaration, there would be that expectation of follow-through. not necessarily reciprocity, but more - more conversation, more acknowledgment, more something.

(i mean - if there was more, but that more was “hey i love you too but only platonically, sorry man” would that be better?)

but no - i actually just... disagree with your point on that front. i can see why you feel the way you do and i acknowledge that it can be read as the start of a conversation. to me though -- and clearly, now that the finale is out, how the writers saw it -- that was actually the end of a conversation. the end of, like you pointed out, 12 years. a 12-year conversation that ends in a gorgeous declaration of love, and specifically how love isn’t about being together, it’s simply about being - it’s about the fact that you love someone, and that feeling alone is the most beautiful thing in existence.

to me, that declaration can only be written and interpreted as an ending. a sacrifice, a declaration, and a goodbye. so - while i kind of expected seeing more people in episode 20 and realize that didn’t happen largely due to covid - i’m not disappointed we didn’t see cas, because that culmination of his narrative (and then knowing he was with jack, after, rebuilding the heaven that he rebelled against and finally completing his narrative circle by fixing all the problems with it alongside the good god he sought to find all along) is kind of perfect.

and i genuinely don’t think if cas was in a female vessel this entire time that that would change. maybe some audience members would feel differently, but i think many of us would see it for the end it was nonetheless. there’s plenty of stories with m/f ships that are one-sided and that character sacrifices themselves for the person they love, so i don’t see why this would be any different (except the bury your gays issue, but that’s a whole other and very real conversation about media tropes).

moving on to the series finale.

As many people have pointed out in praise of 15x20, Sam is the absolute most important thing in Dean’s life, his priority above anything and everything… And yet there, at the actual end of the world, Dean ignores Sam’s call and instead cries over the loss of Castiel. Dean’s loss of Castiel plays in tandem with the loss of literally the whole world. But we’re not to take that as a promise that Castiel means more to this story, or to Dean, than a couple seconds of wistfulness after the dust settles?

I... yeah. i don’t see what this even is arguing. that dean taking a minute to himself to grieve his best friend, who just died in part because dean decided to go hunt down billie (who was literally dying anyway). he’s hurting. there’s nothing about this that’s a promise - it’s an end. it’s grief. it’s the horror of losing someone you care about, and the silence that comes after. it’s fundamentally human in it’s pain. and we, the audience, are invited to grieve with dean.

so I mean - of course cas means more to this story. of course he’s meant more than a few seconds of grief, after 12 years. but just because that’s the last time we see him on screen doesn’t mean we don’t value his story, and celebrate how it too came full circle.

You mention cas as a sort of avatar for a different potential ending for the brothers, and highlight him representing:

An ending where higher powers stop yanking them around and they get to actually live in the life they’ve built for themselves.

So while i never considered cas an avatar for that, i do think we all wanted the brothers to have their freedom. “finally free.” so we can agree on wanting that end. but we disagree on whether it was delivered, i guess? because i feel it was.

you also talk about what you and many other fans conceivably wanted a happier ending to look like. can i -- i’m going to be totally honest. i have not seen a single person who’s critiquing the end saying “i just wanted sam and dean to grow old hunting together with their dog until they retire together and die of old age.”

would that be satisfying to those who are mad about the end? i personally don’t think so, but maybe my opinion is being coloured by the most vitriolic fans i’ve seen. if sam and dean got to have the life they wanted free of chuck, and dean didn’t die, and they kept going (or retired and opened a bar together!). maybe sam still had a kid, but again because romance wasn’t the point, the wife wasn’t important and they left her blurry still so we could interpret ourselves if she was a wife or a co-parent or a surrogate or what. maybe dean has a kid too, with a similar question-mark-wife. maybe we get a few images of them having a holiday with jodie and the girls. and then getting to heaven together in old age, greeting bobby with a beer, and going for a drive.

would that be an end that wouldn’t cause fandom uproar? i would enjoy it, soft an slightly discordant as it would be to me. i prefer the ending we got, bittersweet and heartbreaking though it was, but i wouldn’t be taking to social media to yell about it if we got a softer epilogue, so to speak.

on the other hand... would that still not be enough, at least not for so many of the angry fans? i’m genuinely unsure. it seems to me that so much of the ire is about destiel itself, even if people are pretending it’s about more and other things than that. not everyone, but like, a big portion of them. which leads me to believe that nothing short of dean and cas at least interpretable as together is what they wanted. if every other single thing about the existing finale was the same except that cas was the one to greet dean instead of bobby, and even with the same basic dialogue, without discussing the confession, but they have a lingering smile, and dean leaves to drive and wait for sam with the promise he’ll see cas later -

if everything else stayed the same except who greeted dean, i genuinely don’t believe i’d be seeing almost any critique of the finale on my dash. maybe i’m cynical, but that’s where i’m at.

which is part of why i really struggle to believe that people are engaging in good faith when they critique the finale. because i feel like if it offered them either a) everything they’re purportedly asking for but still no cas and zero hint of destiel, vs. b) every other thing they claim to hate stays the same except there’s a wink and nod to destiel - i believe they would take the wink and nod.

On to some other things you raised:

But how can you know to walk away from a tragedy if the tragedy says “the end won’t be a tragedy, keep watching” right up until it ends in tragedy?

Oh i Get this. I hate thinking i’m consuming fun media only for it to rip my heart out at the end. i’ve literally - well, i’ve had a very unpleasant and distressing experience of this, actually. so i get it. also the opposite: i sometimes feel disappointed when i’m consuming media that is gripping and intense and painful, but then the end is too easy, too soft and happy?

BUT - supernatural never pretended it would have a happy end? the end was so. much. happier. than i ever expected. the Swan Song end was going to have Sam in hell being tortured by lucifer for eternity. according to something i read which i am fundamentally too lazy to link because who knows if it would have turned out this way but -- kripke was apparently going to have Dean jump in the cage with him at that end, if the series ended on S5? the ‘horror’ ending. completely devastating sacrifice for mankind (sam), and completely devastating sacrifice for his brother (dean). just -- oof. even if that wasn’t the plan and the series would’ve ended as the episode did - sam was still in the cage and cas was off waging war in heaven and dean was living every day knowing he was alive and his brother was being tortured.

i’m sorry if you thought you were watching a happier show. i know how much that hurts. that doesn’t mean the story was actually that happy though. sometimes, it’s on us as consumers to acknowledge we were misreading the media. i’ve had to do this. it’s hard, it hurts, but it helps you consume things healthier. i’ve had to do this growing recently, and i’m better off for it.

regarding the specific manner of dean’s death - that’s really not what my post was about and i’m not gonna address it here. i’ve talked about it elsewhere and so have others, and @lovetincture‘s original post spelled it out beautifully, in how human it was. i have feelings on how and why i loved dean’s death, and why it was the absolute opposite of what Chuck’s ending was and what he wanted (no blaze of glory), but i’ll leave those for another time.

They cast aside all the relationships they’ve built. [...] They lost/walked away from the life and home they built in the bunker. Dean got a season 1 death. Sam got a season 1 life.

I feel that there is a very huge difference between regression and progression when it comes to cyclical storytelling. And that difference seems to be missing from the ongoing discussions i’ve seen about this in fandom.

Coming full circle to season 1 does not at all mean that the development is ‘undone’ or that the story has regressed or that anything has been lost or destroyed. It can mean that, if the storyteller doesn’t know what the hell they’re doing, but in this case i don’t (personally) feel it’s a fair critique.

Dean’s death might parallel his s1 not-quite death from Faith, but the s15 result of that death is night and day. Dean is no longer alone. Dean does not go up to a lonely heaven filled with bittersweet memories, where even his canonical soulmate and him have wide gulfs between the memories they fill their shared heaven with. Dean dies a hunter, but he dies a hunter who literally saved earth and changed heaven and gets to spend eternity with his brother, side-by-side and together without all the pain and miscommunication, and he gets to see his family and loved ones too. he died having literally made the world so much better.

even without that though?

his story comes full circle, but dean’s character development isn’t about his death, it’s about the fact that in the first several seasons dean could hardly admit he cared without acting like his teeth were being pulled. he was too afraid of abandonment to ask for someone to be by his side. he was too afraid of rejection to let anyone in. and in the end? he asks sam to stay. he tells him that he loves him. he pours his heart out and says all the things that 15 years ago were stoppered in his throat, words trying and failing to claw their way free but his hurt and fears were too deep.

dean is free.

the point of dean’s story coming full circle to season 1 parallels was specifically to highlight this incredible development, not to undermine it. he is different. he is free.

god it makes me tear up just thinking about how happy i am for him despite how gutted i was by that scene??

(i could write a similar analysis for sam, about how he left for stanford to escape his life and how his finale life montage bits were the opposite of that, but honestly this post is long enough already).

Destiel is loosely a part of that promise in the sense that Castiel is a part of that promise. The symbol of free will

You make a super interesting argument about Cas being a symbol of free will. I don’t have much to say about it, because I’m gonna mull it over, because I think it’s kinda cool and I’ve never thought about it.

That’s - all i’ve got. thanks again for engaging. i’m happy to continue the convo if you have questions or want to reblog/reply

(though my followers might hate me omg, i’ve been spamming long spn meta posts for weeks now, it’s just been so confronting to see the ongoing fan reaction on twitter and how divided it is...)

#spn meta #supernatural #supernatural meta #spn #fandom discussions #uhhh what do y'all want me to tag this #it's not wank?#it's an open discussion which i like a lot #hmmm #discourse #i'll just go with that #destiel #kind of #this won't show up in the ship tag because that's not in the first 5 tags so i'm safe i hope #don't wanna be a dick and put this in the ship tag #long post #long post for ts #sorry if there are typos it is almost midnight and i am sleepy

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diminuel · 4 years

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My 15x12 rewatch commentary! In it’s full, unedited glory! *lol*

Earth 2 seems to be a better timeline; not only does it have two moons, but Clinton is president. Not that this would make a huge difference to CH02 but it sounds like a win for US02.

I don’t like Chuck, but I can’t help thinking that some of his behaviour is still super entertaining. “It’s monologue time.”

Chuck’s monologue suggests that “The World” (the scene we see of TFW) is Chuck’s original creation. The other worlds (the other “toys”) are variations of The World, with “different combinations, scenarios, characters or different versions of the same characters”.

I feel Chuck: he created fanfiction of his story and while he got what he wanted out of them, he still doesn’t get it out of the “original story”.

This singular focus on Sam and Dean makes me wonder if anything actually really existed or mattered before the Pilot... Is that all Chuck cares about, everything it boils down to? Or has he focused on other people like that before and Dean and Sam are just the latest objects of fascination to him? If we go one level above the show, then obviously nothing exists outside of Sam and Dean for us. Sam and Dean (and other characters) have no lives outside of the story we see on screen. All the talk about past is wrapped up into the stories of those characters and we only get to know it when it’s relevant to a story point. That’s just how this works.

If Chuck loves Sam and Dean so much, then why does he want to destroy them? Don’t get you, Chuck, my dude. There’s no more story for you to watch if they’re gone.

“All the other worlds, alternate realities and subplots. The failed spin offs,” have to go according to Chuck. Putting aside the comment about subplots and failed spin offs for the moment, I wonder what the difference between other worlds and alternate realities is. I assume that another world is Earth 02, whereas an alternate reality is... what we got in Lebanon or Endverse. A twist of The World, a branch off of it that might go nowhere and gets undone again?

Anyway, side note that Chuck only talks about Sam and Dean, as usual, but it’s so striking that he points at a screen that features Cas. Chuck’s Cas-related blindness continues to captivate me. Usually, during the apocalypse, it was Cas’ actions that led to a situation where Chuck said that they’re not supposed to be part of the story. Sam and Dean flipped the script (well, debateable of course) because Cas contributed.

And now on to Dean, Sam and Co.

I’m actually a bit bothered with the fact that Jack’s still soulless. I’m also bothered by how casual especially Dean seems to be around Jack (considering how hard it hit him that Jack killed Mary, how Dean wanted to kill Jack, how Dean treated Cas), I’m especially bothered by how Sam seems to feel hurt by Jack not coming to them right away because they would have helped (it seems we’re also forgetting the whole locking Jack away and then conspiring to kill him plot).

Now, a comment on Jack without a soul; it seems to me like he’s perfectly able to feel things, despite the fact that he sometimes said that he didn’t feel anything. The thing is that Jack is part angel. It took Cas - who has no soul as well - years to learn how to act human and how to care. Maybe there’s a learning curve to emotions if you’re an angel, as well as feeling guilt and accountablility for one’s actions. That didn’t come easy to Cas, it doesn’t come to most angels we know at all (Gabriel for example? Bag of dicks, still beloved.)

Souls aside, I really have to comment on the fact that Jack seems to own only one sweater, but in 5 different colours. *lol*

Back to the kitchen talk! I do find Cas’ willingness to blindly trust Jack’s trust in Billy, despite his knowledge that Jack is so easy to manipulate (by Lucifer, by Sam and Dean, by Dumah) pretty concerning. Sam’s being reasonable in the face of Dean’s lack of interest and Cas’ naivety...

Is it just me or do you also feel Dean’s a bit off in this scene? He keeps looking at Cas, or avoiding eye-contact. Though it’s clear he chose to position himself close to Cas, with how it was filmed it looked like Dean and Cas provided an united front and Sam was “alone” with his worry. I wonder if he did this because this is his way of showing Cas support after they’ve been so divided? For me it doesn’t make sense that Dean and Cas have overcome their issues so quickly, with just one one-sided tearful prayer. I know that Supernatural glosses over issues. Things that I feel should bother the characters don’t bother them at all.

Ah! Okay, Sam also darts Cas a lot of looks, so maybe he feels he can’t talk freely about his doubt regarding Jack and Jack-Billie’s plans because Cas’ complete faith in Jack? Like it’d fall on deaf ears anyway and Dean’s not being helpful either.

I both love and kinda feel weird about Dean and Cas sharing that drink. I love it because they spend time together like that (just sitting together, drinking, talking. We know they spend time together that we don’t see, but it’s nice to see it for once). I also feel weird about it because of all the talk about Jack’s destiny... Still sounds like Nephilim propaganda to me. *lol* (Yeah, yeah, I sort of believe the conspiracy theory that Kelly and Cas were manipulated by Jack. Not really Jack’s fault I guess but still... I feel Cas was shown some kind of ideal world, that only Jack could create, that turned Cas into not much more than a supporter of Jack’s cause. Like... his desciple to Jack’s messiah... I know Cas needs to have a mission and be useful, but I don’t like how it guided him away from being the hero of his own story? He can’t be now I feel? I mean, he could of course, but not in his own understanding of himself? I’m not sure I buy the “I had myself” speech... But that’s a rant for another post. I’m gonna put my conspiracy theory tin hat away now.)

Dark Kaia’s reveal! ♥ Even though we only had Kaia for a short time, she’s one of my favourites, so I’m happy she’s alive.

I’m 100% convinced that genius strategist Cas didn’t lose at Vier Gewinnt to Jack, but that he let him win.

I wouldn’t trust John Winchester on whether he killed the last member of a monster species. He thought vampires were extinct too so he’s not exactly the most reliable source... Besides, I’m sure some witch or hunter or man of letter has that item in their stock somewhere. Especially if this so-called extinction happened as recent as John Winchester’s hunting...

As someone who’s written my Master thesis on characters travelling to different worlds and trying to adapt (and most often failing) dark!Kaia’s explanation of how there’s no place for her in this world apart from empty spaces hits me. I love it. And I wish that exactly this - the displacement, the not belonging - would have been addressed properly also for AU Charlie and AU Bobby. Clearly, they solved the majority of the problem by wiping out the AU hunters but that’s not what mattered. (Of course, I also don’t really like AU Charlie or AU Bobby, Bobby significantly less than Charlie)

Sam was so on the fence about Billie’s plan and now he’s upset about Jack potentially jeopardizing Billie’s plan. Make up your mind.

“Some bs male chivalry thing” Jody says to the genderless angel *lol*

While I’m bitter (again, me and my bitterness) about the fact that Dean threatened Kaia with a gun, which we were reminded of in the preview, I do like the hug. SPN just brushes everything under the table and gives us a simple fix without putting in the work. But from reading Beren’s tweets I knew that this was something that Jensen felt strongly about (i.e. make things right, keep his promise to dark!Kaia) makes me forgive the sloppy way of doing it, I guess.

I wish dark!Kaia would have left with them, even though I do think the ending for her is fitting.

P.S. generally this world destruction thing Chuck is doing is toeing the line of things that trigger panic attacks for me. I was bracing myself for it this whole episode and while I was very uncomfortable it wasn’t yet the kind of stuff that throws me into a spiral of anxiety and existential dread so... yeah. I’m a bit scared about that going further.

I find it interesting to learn more about the fabric of the... well... story. Of God having to write himself into the story (which calls back to Chuck - the author of the SPN books - writing himself into the story we see, of God writing himself as Chuck I suppose one could say?)

Sam and Dean being “messengers of God’s destruction” is something I need to think about. Because the messengers doesn’t exactly sound like they have an active part. However, if you take messengers to mean “carrying out the will of xy” then maybe? But if God is what keeps the multiverse running, then destroying an intrinsic part of the machinery will also make sure that the machinery no longer works. Since Chuck destroys the multiverse then that probably doesn’t matter (but here I’m also reminded of Billie’s words about how delicate the multiverse is, like a card house. She was concerned about it then, but no longer now?)

Okay, this was a mess of a post, as always. Maybe I can collect them later, to write a proper review or analysis, make some hopes and predictions about the future? We’ll see. :3 Thanks for reading this rambling!

#Supernatural #15x12 spoilers #spoilers

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couldnt-think-of-a-better-name · 5 years

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OKAYOKAY i’ve actually sent an ask about this yesterday but anyway I got my tpn manga volumes recently and when reading the little doodle pages between the chapters in volume 4, there was a page with a list of items in the grace field house including a well with the caption/description, “the secret of the backyard”. I haven’t seen posts of this anywhere so I thought I should bring it up to the best tpn theorist I know. Okay but is the well THE SECRET ESCAPE ROUTE OF GRACEFIELD??? Not only is it connected to WATER (atlantis theory) but it is also a HOLE (escape route possibly a hole theory) I know you’ve theorised that it is probably in the middle of the 5 plantations, but could the well be the escape route?

Thank you for the submission @heyvapesauce! Sorry, it took me a while to get to this!

This volume extra page that you pointed out is very interesting actually, and I think it is full of clues to various mysteries and plot points!

Since you made another submission about the well later, I will not talk about it here, but address it in the other post. Instead, I want to talk about the various items, and their significance as I think there is more to them than it meets the eye. Let me get a better picture:

Pocket Watch

~Mom is always running things on time.~

We know that this is in reality is the tracker device. However, there is a significance given to time in later visuals, and the pocket watch re-appears on volume 13. I think I understand now what this is about, but I am writing a whole different post on that, just bear in mind that there is more to this item as well…

Letter Opener

~What was written in the letter?~

This is talking about Grandma’s letter to Krone, as the knife was used then. You can’t really read the writing (apart from a signature that looks like Sarah), but it is fairly easy to deduce what that letter was about. What is a mystery still however is the bait that Ray wrote for Krone and she showed Grandma. Shirai-san has said in an interview that this bait “letter” will be explored in later plot. My personal thoughts are that Ray confessed to receiving various items from Isabella, but rather than admitting being a spy, he would have given the reason as being Isabella’s biological son, and getting preferential treatment from her. I think it may be revisited once we explore how things get shipped to Gracefield from the human world (Krone confirmed that clothes toys etc get supplied from there).

Master Key

~Which door should we open?~

This key was used by Don and Gilda to get into Isabella’s secret room. Later Krone also gave a key mold to Norman, which was used to gain access to medical supplies. However, we can assume that the kids kept the mold, and if it can open other doors at the various Gracefield plants, then we can expect them to use it again when they break back into Gracefield.

This is a ball

~There are several of these.~

This seems more like a statement to me than a clue, but perhaps I am just missing something. Perhaps it is just a reference to the fact that toys supplied from the human world are factory made.

First Aid Kit

~You never know when you will need it.~

The first aid kit was used to remove Ray’s and Emma’s tracking devices, as well as to treat their wounds. The need for this featured again when kids ran out of medicine in the aftermath of the Goldy Pond fight, as well as for treating Christy and the mission to get him medicine. I am not sure if it will come back again since it has already featured in the new arc.

Lantern

~With this the house at night won’t be scary.~

The lantern is a traditional symbol for leading the way, it makes passage safe by giving light. During the escape Don signals that the cliff is safe to cross with a lantern, and later we see the use of glowing crystal plants in a lantern in Mujika’s cave by both Mujika and the kids. More importantly I have noted that the colour spread with the tiny kids inside the lantern was a direct reference of a scene in Peter Pan where Tinkerbell is locked inside one. Tinkerbell’s golden fairy dust allows passage to and from Neverland just like the golden water in TPN allows passage over the Seven Walls. It makes sense for the Moon to be required for a safe way, after all it lights up the night sky like a natural lantern.

Bell

~Can’t wait for mealtime.~

The bell is used to signal mealtimes at Gracefield, but its first appearance is with IsaBELLa… Ray and others also use it later, and it features later in the Mother’s Day omake as part of a mystery about Isabella. I believe the hidden clue here is Isabella’s association with TinkerBELL, who in Peter Pan is an antagonist to the female lead, Wendy, yet not completely an enemy, just like Isabella is to Emma. Will it feature again? Maybe, but it might be as the alarm bells being rung at Gracefield when they break back in to save Phil and co.

Baby Mobile

~Do you remember the last night that you slept well?~ These don’t feature heavily in the Escape arc. I wonder if they got included here to draw attention to a similar display we see in a Lambda spread, but with different characters. The lambda baby mobile includes planets, spaceships, and multi-eyed aliens (demons have many eyes too…). I have thought that this is a clue towards my theory on the origin of demons as extra-terrestrial bacteria. It would make sense then to draw attention to it.

Carol’s Stuffed Animal

~Can you write your own name?~ Again, this item doesn’t seem to have a lot of importance in the Escape. We know from additional info that Isabella names all the children, sometimes based on real life people, and my theories often include names that are references. Actually, nevermind, I think I have figured this one out now, but this will also have to go into my new theory post.

Alicia’s Stuffed Animal

~Just like Little Bunny, it looks handmade.~

The point about this toy as well as Little Bunny is that despite having access to factory toys from the human world, Isabella took the time and effort to handmake farewell gifts for the children getting shipped. Not only that, we know from Don’s and Gilda’s discovery that she kept each and every personalised gift. I think these actions speak volumes about how despite the circumstances, she did also love those children, and this was most likely part of her coping mechanism with their loss and her guilt. There is another significance to Little Bunny and to highlighting Alicia here, but unfortunately again it has to be explained in my new theory post. I apologise, but it’s a fairly complex and big thing that none seemed to have noticed so far, but was there from the beginning, so I want to explain it properly in its own post.

Globe

~Where could this be?~

The globe features in the discussion when the kids debate where Gracefield could be located in the world. We learn later that they are in the demon world, which seems to be uncharted to normal humans, just like the deep sea… Notice that this globe with its question shows us an ocean? Pretty straightforward if you consider my demon world is like Atlantis at the bottom of the ocean theory…

#gracefield #yakusoku no neverland #tpn spoilers #tpn #the promised neverland #tpn isabella #tpn ray #tpn emma #tpn peter pan #tpn atlantis #shirai kaiu #tpn theory #tumblr tried to eat this post so many times #sighs #I wanted to do other posts as well #will never get through my asks like this...#tumblr behave yourself!#submission

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littlemisssquiggles · 5 years

Note

It seems like the majority of the FNDM, even the folk at RWBYRW plus Shannon has taken the notion that Ozpin will take over Oscar or that the merge is parasitic in nature. How do you feel about it?

Honestlyanon-chan,I’ve never viewed the Merge that way. I acknowledge that the Merge is a seriousphase that both Oscar and Ozpin will essentially have to go through once thattime comes. But if I’m being completely truthful I’ve always leaned more towardsthe positivenotion that Oscaris going to be completely fine by the end of the change. It’s whyI’ve never quite dug the idea of other fans treating Oscar as Ozpin or as ifhe’ll just come out as another carbon copy of Ozpin. Technically… any mannerisms we’veseen Ozpin do that Oscar adopts as well came from Ozma. I’d like to think that theWizards inherited traits from their past lives, not just Ozma. Just as how theyall adopted Ozma’s formal way of talking, my belief is that the Wizard personais comprised of traits inherited from all past lifetimes.

Anyways,I’ve always first and foremost viewed Oscar as his own character with his own personality, story and journey to take in this plotthat differentiates him from Ozpin. It’s mainly why I’ve been vocal about thecanon fleshing out Oscar a lot better. Thus far, RWBY hasn’t frankly done muchfor Oscar, despite having source material that’s practically begging on itshands and knees to be used. I’d love to thinkthere is a lot more to be desired of Oscar as his own character besides hispart to play in the Ozma Reincarnation Cycle.

I’deven like to raise the point that there has been canonical evidence to highlight that Oscar isn’t the one who isexpected to change with the Merge. I talked about that in this musing post right here. Backin V5 when Ozpin was explaining his curse to RNJR for the first time, hedescribed it more along the lines as something he has to go through.

Ozpindidn’t even talk as if he was one person. He described himself as culmination of men—ofall the lifetimes that the Wizards have spent combating Salem and her forcestrying to save humanity.

Ozpintold the group that with each rebirth, his soul iseventually merged with another and he is changed but his memories remain.

Ozpintold RNJR that hewill change. He never once said that Oscar is going to change. Hedidn’t even describe it as if he and Oscar are going to change. Ozpin is theone destined to be affected the most from the Merge. For this, I stick with myown theories. My theory is that the closer the Merge approaches, it’s going toaffect both Oscar and Ozpin in different ways.

ForOscar, he’ll probably start to have frequent, dreams that involve him reliving memoriesfrom the lives of past Wizards as if the memories were his own. I’d actuallylove to see Oscar dream about the Great War with the King of Vale because he’sone life we have yet to learn more about.

Andas for Ozpin, Ozpin is going to begin to look more like Oscar physically. Forthe longest while I’ve been hoping that the CRWBY would give us a visualrepresentation of what the inside of Oscar’s mind looks like. When Oscar told the JNR_QRWBY that Ozpinlocked himself deep inside his head, I got super excited at this because Ifigured it would mean Oscar ultimately deep diving into his mind to bring Ozpinback home.

Y’know have Oscargoing on his own little journey to Oz tofind the Wizard locked inside his lonely Emerald tower deep within theuncharted corridors of Oscar’s psyche behind curtained doors that contained themost cherished and forgotten pages of Oscar’s past.

Theidea I had was that the CRWBY would reveal more about Oscar’s life through his memoriesas we looked at his mind. My idea even was that Ozpin had hidden himself behind a painfulmemory thatOscar had repressed; buried so far in the back of his mind that hedared not look at it again because it’s a memory he hasn’t come to terms with;even as a teenager.

Mytheory was that Oscar was going to have to face his past in order to findOzpin. AJourney to Oz about a farm boy in search of a wizard who he wants to take home. That was my hunch and it’s one I hold dear to myheart because it’s a Pinehead headcanon Irefuse to let go of.

Although we got Ozpincoming back briefly in the V6 finale, I’m still holding out for this. Why Iwant the show to highlight Oscar’s inner mind palace or the Dreamscape as I dubbed it is because I personally want to seehow Ozpin appears inside Oscar’s mind.

Howdoes Ozpin look to Oscar inside his head? Right now I’d like to believe that ifOscar were to meet up with Ozpin inside his head, the old Wizard would probablytake the shape of his previous form—the one we’re most familiar with. The personaof Professor Ozpin, headmaster of Beacon Academy.

Butmy idea is as the Merge draws closer, Ozpin will come to physically resemble Oscar as aclear indicator. I got this idea from Ozma’s lifetime as Henkle. During that moment withHenkle having dinner with his family, you could see Henkle kind of acknowledginghis other soul—the past Wizard before him but what was very interesting to meis that the past soul looked exactly like Henkle but exhibited all the seriousnessof past Wizards before him.

Whenwe first met Henkle, he and the past Ozma before him has already co-existedlong enough that they were now working together in unison. The last time we sawHenkle, it was when he was an old man, possibly years after the Merge hadhappened. So by this point, the two souls has become one.

I am notscared for Oscar with this Merge. I stand firmly by my hunch that Oscar is notgoing to lose himself to the Merge. Ozpin is not going to take over and all essenceof Oscar won’t be erased. I don’t think any of that is going to happen. On thecontrary, all this talk about Oscar becoming someone else he doesn’t recognize—thatmore sounds to me like a reflection of Oscar’s fears of the Merge. Oscar is the one who believeshe is going to disappear while in reality, I think he’s going to be made whole.

Besides,even if I’m proven to be wrong and the Merge does become as serious as everyoneelse imagines it to be, nevertheless, I still stand by my hunches and anotherone I gave is that Oscar’s experience with the Merge is going to be differentthan any other Wizard before him.

MyPineheadheadcanon is that Oscar is meant tobe the last life. He is one I expect to change it all or at leasthelp to end it all. There are a few canonical signs pointing to Oscar’sscenario being different.

Oscaris the youngest of the Wizard reincarnates. There is also the titbit in theseries to suggest that Ozpin’s pairing up with Oscar might have been unexpectedand premature. The villains all reacted profoundly surprised that Ozpin wasback so soon.This is why I shared this musing post talkingabout the Ozma Cycle.

Thenthere is the detail about Oscar and Ozma—the first form, sharing the same VA.This could be just a coincidence here but…again I am sticking to my guns. Mytheory is that Oscaris special. He is meant to be the last life because I think Oscar is one truereincarnation of Ozma.

WhenOzma was first revived, he never got back his original form. Instead it’s been his soul that’s been revived and paired up with the souls ofother chosen warriors throughout the years. Although Ozma’s soul returned timeand time again, his body never did. Or…so we believed.

Iknow this assumption sounds like a stretch however this squiggle meister stubbornly believes that Oscar is the reincarnation of Ozma’s originalform reborn in Modern Remnant. I have watched too many anime overthe years where a character who was another person in a former life gets rebornas someone else in modern time. Although RWBY has brought its own spin toreincarnation with the merging of souls, the thought still remains. It ends where itall began. Ozma was the first. He was the one who started all this. Butthe Gods never granted him back his old body. The unfortunate thing about thecycle is that the Gods had Ozma rope other innocent men and people into his warwith Salem which is where all the guilt and mistakes lie.

Butit began with Ozma so naturally it should be him tofinish it. If Ozma was the beginning then Oscaris the end because Oscar is not like the others. He’s not another life for Ozmato life. He is the last life. Oscar is Ozma. His true reincarnate.

Iknow in a cycle where one man has been paired off with other men to the pointthat we don’t know if it’s either him in control all the time or him plus allthe other men in there, putting all that into consideration, this hunch soundsweird. Buuuuut…dagnabbit, I’m running with it. Even if I have to stand alonewith this theory, I’m sticking with it. You can’t deny that there is somethingvery unique to Oscar’s situation that will set him apart from all the others.

Anotherinteresting detail that I liked that connects Ozma to Oscar is that Ozmasignature colours that he can be seen wearing during his scenes in the LostFable are the colours that correspond to Oscar’s name. Ozma is wearing pine green with oscar gold. Coincidence, I think not.

Ican’t sit by and join the brigade in saying my precious freckled farm boy isgoing to end up just like his predecessors when the very show itself has toldme otherwise. So until then, I’m on the side that believes Oscar will be justfine in Merge and I’m also (probably all by myself) on the side that believesthere will be a twist to Oscar’s story with the Merge.

The twist that he is Ozma’s trueincarnate. He may not look like it now but I have a feeling as Oscargrows older and matures into a fine, young huntsmen, he’ll begin to resemble Ozma.But y’know, as always, these are just my views.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2019)

#squiggles answers: rwby #oscar pine #professor ozpin #oscar and ozpin #rwby theories #oscar and ozma #Anonymous #pinehead headcanons #squiggles pinehead headcanons

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davidsilvercloud · 6 years

Photo

Terry David “Butch/Butch Naked” Silvercloud

“Step aside! I shall perform the necessary heroics” Comic Book Guy/The Simpsons

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” - T. S. Eliot

12.6 Million photo views, to date at http://ButchNaked.com. Thank you. At this time I’m getting about 100,000 photo views a week.

Again… thanks for the visits.

TELL EVERYONE. Free photo downloads at

http://BUTCHNAKED.COM

http://Flickr.com/David_Silvercloud

“That’s a great title. It jumps out at you like a rat in your underwear drawer” Moe Sizlack/The Simpsons

My homepage is http://ButchBoard.com

I’m not your average cow in the field.

“I’ve come to hate my own creation. Now I know how God feels.” Homer Simpson

Now keep reading.

THE DAILY GRIND… ARE WE THERE YET?

Monday, 18 Dec. 2017

A cool, grey and rainy kind of day. Got lots of painting done, exercises, selfies. Had the Seattle News Station on TV because of the train wreck just south of the border, here.

I went to bed by 10pm. I'm adjusting my meds program and taking Diclofenac in the mornings, now, to see how that goes. The stomach issues (side effects) have subsided. I don't eat early in the day and it is to be taken with food. The hard part, for me, is eating something in the morning when I have zero hunger for anything but a cup of coffee.

I've been sleeping a bit more trying to adjust my sleep pattern so I go to bed early and get up early... opposite to what I've done much of my life. Days are very short in winter and I want to have as much daylight as I can for painting. Painting in artificial light is difficult to get the colours right.

My painting has undergone rapid change and improvement over the past year as I gain more knowledge and control of the colours. Green is particularly hard to control as there are no artist's green pigments... pure pigment. Greens are made by mixing various blue pigments and yellow pigments. The only natural and reasonably permanent green pigments for artists are rather crappy greens. So, the brightest and most permanent green is Cadmium Green, often called Permanent Green, made by mixing Cadmium Sulfide and one of the blues, usually Cobalt Blue, but sometimes Phalocyan Blue. The best brand, I've found, is Stevenson's Cadmium Green. It can be used right out of the tube and not look pukey when dry.

The shadows of trees are extremely hard to do. Often most painters just let it go black or dark brown. Dark Green is very difficult. I've finally found a mix that dries near black but shows enough nice green to be green. It's a complex mix but uses Liquitex Sap Green fluid body paint to darken a mix of greens made from Permanent Green, Phalo Blue Green, Cadmium Yellow Light. I've done it enough I can tell where the mix is going by looking at the colour I'm seeing. With Acrylic Paints, the wet colour IS NOT THE DRY COLOUR.

While there are lots of Industrial Green Paints, and Dyes, painters require pigments which are both permanent... don't fade easily with light over a long time, and which can be reduced to powder form that mixes with the medium. For instance, you can't get Veridian Green in Acrylics except as a 'hue' (mix) colour... made from several pigments. Veridian pigment simply does not like acrylic medium and goes lumpy.

Veridian is a great 'distance' shade of green when mixed with white... distant trees. Liquitex makes a very nice Veridian Hue in fluid body paint. It dries black but is a blue/green as soon as any white is added.

I'm making adjustments to a number of paintings to incorporate new ideas about contrast and colour I've had. I'm working hard every day on my art to try to get a large number of landscapes completed which I have been working on for a number of years... working out the compositions and building up the paintings. I don't use photos or real life and make up my scenes. Sounds easy but it has a lot of issues to resolve. I've learned it's better to begin with a rough sketch of my idea, then block out the values a bit. I'm a lot better at dreaming up compositions because of 15 years of practice.

I want to work in oils and have many, many unfinished works... I know enough now to complete them fairly rapidly. I'll do that once I complete the 25, or so, Acrylic works I've been working on the past 5 years.

“it’s time to go home. The insurance company said you’re as well as they’re going to pay for” Doctor Hibbert/The Simpsons

THIS IS THE END OF THE DAILY GRIND.

IF YOU HAVEN’T BEEN HERE, BEFORE, HERE IS MORE STUFF TO READ…

"People who have never seen a movie say it's a great movie" Apu/The Simpsons

"There is no God, Ned. It's just an empty meaningless void" Maude Flanders' ghost/The Simpsons

I repeat myself, a lot, because I know humans are really bad at paying attention, and understanding much of anything they read. Quite, bluntly, I consider most humans to be walking, talking idiots. I'm doing as best I know how to save you from your stupidity.

I’m a bit OCD and ADHD and go on, and on, like a dripping tap. Think Sheldon Cooper, if that rings some kind of bell. I gather it’s some kind of need I have to be, constantly, in complete control of everything. I quite simply assume everyone around me is a complete idiot. The humans aren’t doing a very good job of convincing me otherwise. You must prove yourself to me. Seriously, I mean it. I expect to be disappointed. Show me what you’ve got and back it up with proof.

http://DavidSilvercloud.com (Blog) (http://David_Silvercloud.Tumblr.com)

http://ButchNews.com (Video) (http://YouTube.com/ButchNews)

http://ButchNaked.com (Photo Stream) (http://Flickr.com/David_Silvercloud)

http://SeriousThunder.com (Art)

http://ElectronSpeed.Tumblr.com The Electron sets the speed of light… yup. Physics… The Speed of Light, Grand Unified Theory, Gravity, Dark Matter, Dark Energy… how the physical size of the Electron is the clock that sets the speed of light. Gravity is motion and a product of the fact that nothing ever sits still, combined with the magnetic properties of Dark Matter/Energy. Nothing can ever move in an absolute circle and rest is a relativity illusion.

The ENTIRE universe is based upon a simple fact... it must have TWO parts. It can not be otherwise and is impossible to be otherwise. This is because of what a physicist calls "spin".

If you had only one substance to make the universe with and it could be broken down to as small as it needed to be at any time... i.e. it could be so small it barely exists, at all, there will STILL be TWO different types... that is because one can choose to spin LEFT or RIGHT in space. Even turning yourself upside down will not change that fact because there is no up, nor down, in space.

The fact that everything SOLID must have spin, either left or right, introduces opposite forces. Things which spin the SAME way repel each other, those that spin the OPPOSITE way attract each other... clumping begins and so does a universe. Another thing comes into being... what we term magnetism. There MUST be opposite POLES... magnetism comes into being with spin. Spin creates opposites, including North/South polarity. In Atoms, any atom that isn't in balance... has an equal number of left and right spinning Electrons, will be affected by magnetism... and radio waves.

Absolute rest is not possible… ever. The universe can not end. Time is change and is an illusion. It is always now, everywhere, all at once, all of the time. Proof of that is that ANY object MUST be HERE and THERE at the SAME time, no matter how large… even a Galaxy. It is always NOW on both sides… here and there, in space, of the Galaxy… all galaxies, everywhere. Waves can be either physical or electronic. The duality of the universe keeps it ongoing. DNA is the battery of life. When the chains can no longer co-operate, life ceases in the body. Life, itself, is a duality. Time measurement is a relativity convenience.) Time travel is impossible because time is not a place and nothing stays where it was. One year from now the Solar System will have moved about seven BILLION kilometres through space and will NEVER return to where it was… ever.

Earth travels through space like a long wave… it has NEVER, ever made an actual circle, nor ellipse, in space. The circle/ellipse is an illusion of relativity. Nothing can ever travel in an actual circle in space… NOTHING. Nothing can ever go backward. Backwards motion is an illusion of relativity. Time is a repercussion of change and has no fixed rate… things explode or move like a glacier. At best we can only compare rates of change. Our rate of change is called the second/minute/hour/day/month/year system.

NOTHING CAN EVER MOVE IN A TRUE CIRCLE. THE EARTH HAS NEVER MADE A LOOP IN SPACE… EVER. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW.

WATCH VIDEO FOR EXPLANATION OF THE PATH OF EARTH THROUGH SPACE.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPjohZCMwmI

Earth moves about 7 billion kilometers through space, each year… in a long wave. Earth NEVER returns to where it was before. Earth is NOT an island in space… one of the reasons why time travel is impossible. If you take a trip through space, outside the Solar System, Earth will NOT be there when you return… it will be far, far away. You will have to return to where it will BE when you arrive… remember, it’s moving very, very, very fast through space in a long wave… never a circle, or ellipse.

http://The-Shape-Of-God.Tumbler.com Manuscript of my book… The Shape of God.

Butch, himself. Visual Artist, Photographer, Physicist (Particle, Sub/Atomic Physics/Relativity)

Inhibitions are just so inhibiting, I avoid them.

I’m a friendly, but pretty blunt, kind of guy. No time for beating around the bush. I like to say what I mean and mean what I say. I’m 73 years old. Time is not on my side. You don’t have to like me. I’m a social recluse, anyway. I share my life, in photos, video, and words, to let you into my life and hope to inspire you to be a productive and useful human. I have old age issues but will continue to post, here, while I’m well and able. I talk a lot… I’m told it’s part of my OCD and ADHD. Come direct at http://ButchNaked.com Sign in if you wish to see me naked.

If you don’t know me, the following might help you get to know what kind of person I am. I don’t expect you to understand me. I can be a bit OCD and ADHD.

“They’ve already got more blowjobs than we’ll ever get” Steve Smith (American Dad), talking about college jocks.

“Now let us touch testicles and mate for life” Alien on The Simpsons

“It never hurts to have a second set of prints on a gun” Nelson Muntz, The Simpsons.

I’m here to teach you things. While I appreciate other people’s opinions, I really don’t much give a crap what anyone thinks. Until you prove your worth, I will be nice but you have to earn my respect. The moment you say a word, I’ll be figuring you out really, really fast. You should assume that I don’t trust anyone. I’ve not met a single trustworthy person in my entire life. I’ve met lots of nice people who aren’t too bright… well-intentioned folk who know little about anything, people who are nice, most of the time until you say something that offends them. Honourable people agree to disagree.

Look up the phrase “CRITICAL THINKING” then learn to practice it. Most people leap before they look and judge before they listen to the facts. Most don’t have enough knowledge, nor experience, to be experts in much of anything. You don’t know what you don’t know. I like to remind you of that, often.

The only other REALLY IMPORTANT thing to know about me is that I, totally, despise all religions, the teaching of religion, and religious institutions… I despise them as the evilest things on the planet. If you follow a religion, you CAN NOT BE MY FRIEND. THAT’S THAT. You are an ignorant idiot who is an ever-present danger to yourself and everyone and everything around you. Nothing, absolutely NOTHING, is eviler than religion. I don’t stand for, nor sing, our National Anthem because it praises a fictitious and superstitious being called ‘God’. Only a brain dead moron bonehead ignorant idiot would believe such a thing.

If you have a religion, I will not associate with you… period. You are a danger to be around. Yes, I insult religions… they are extraordinarily evil. I said it, I mean it. You have a right to be an idiot, but not around me. I have a right to defend myself against the horrors of religion and I will. Religion is evil. People who are into religion are, either, brainwashed or extraordinarily ignorant, not very intelligent, a danger to themselves and everyone around them, and must be avoided. I can’t say it enough times. If you have a religion you are brainwashed or too fucking stupid to associate with. Brainwashed, or stupid… either way you are too dangerous to be around. Religion is the number one problem in the world.

http://The-Shape-Of-God.Tumblr.com

I keep a homepage at http://ButchBoard.com

My main video page is http://YouTube.com/ButchNews

go direct at http://ButchNews.com

You may come directly to my photostream at http://ButchNaked.com You may download and share nude photos of me… go nuts.

I have zero inhibitions about nudity and sex. You must sign in to see me naked. I talk, openly, about sex. You may download and share nude photos of me… go nuts.

#Artist #Photographer #Physicist #David Silvercloud #Butch Naked #Vancouver Artist

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beefybrit-blog · 7 years

Text

Day 1

As I sit here lying on my sofa, waiting for the fast food to come, the events of the past few days have affected me greatly. Last night I went and saw a music school perform as my girlfriend was in it with a group of people. She is a great drummer, having come from nothing to being able to keep a beat for half a dozen songs from memory in about 6 months. Between the ages of 12 and 15 I was an avid Drama enthusiast, my love for music, drama and public performing has never really left me. I always get a tingle before they roll out on stage to do their thing.

As I sat there watching in-between sets, I saw the stage floor. It’s a soft rubber matting that doesn’t reflect light and is extremely grippy. I remember what it felt like to be on that, especially in just socks. You felt glued to the ground, your every step slightly cushioned by the rubber absorbing your energy. Felt good.

Food just came, my Mrs is off to see her family this weekend so we had a ‘goodbye’ meal of ‘Tost’ which, since I’m in Turkey right now, means ‘Toast’. It’s basically a toastie with extra shit inside like Salad and stuff, well see for yourself.

Not good for you, but tasty. Anyway, I decided last night that once my girlfriend had left that I would fly right. Before I came down from 160kg to 100kg. I then put back on 25kg, since I hit my goal, I lost the track. I was so focused and disciplined, I even lost weight on a 10-day holiday. But I lost it all. I want that back. I figure the best way to do that is to set myself another goal.

I originally set 100kg as a goal, because at 160kg I thought to myself ‘No Fucking Way Can I Ever Get there’ I went past it and got to about 98kg. It’s weird, I’ve never actually written it down, seeing it go from 3 digits into 2 is a strange thing.

So I’m starting at 125kg and here is me. Anon. I am going to sign myself up for a bodybuilding physique competition next year (2018) so I have a goal. Having a structure, like I did before, will enable me to remain focused and concentrate. I believe I have what it takes this time. I’m ready to make a go of it.

I’d managed to Vlog most of my transformation, but keeping up with a daily vlog, I realised that my life as it was, was way too boring to vlog about once a week. I would set myself unrealistic goals and ambitions. And never ever keep to them. I figured that writing my thoughts down and just spilling onto a keyboard might be a better way of tracking it, including photos of highlights, rather than trying to maintain a ‘WHATS UP GUYS THIS IS JOEY SALADS’ kind of personality that YouTube content is driven by.

I can’t blame YouTube, but I do feel as though I’m not ready to continue my Vlogs, since I’m down in the dumps about this whole weight gain thing. Once I’m back on track, I’ll try to transition into doing both. I’m sure at least 100 Blogs a day are started about ‘This is my first day’ and I’d wager that 90% of them fail in the first few weeks. I’m going to try to succeed in keeping up with these entries once or twice a week, some might be shorter and some might be longer.

I’d say that my knowledge of Diet, Fitness and Nutrition rivals about 80% of the publics, that’s not to say I know everything, it’s to say the public are massively ill-informed about both, I’ve read the books, watched the videos and asked the right questions. So I will be making the correct choices in that respect. One of my friends, who I met at the gym, offered me the advise of not eating carbohydrates after 5 o’clock. He is very lean and looks great, but I didn’t even bother explaining the logic flaw to him.

Him, like many others, look for that ‘1 Method’ of doing something. If I stop eating this I’ll lose weight, if I don’t drink that I’ll lose weight. And sometimes it works, but not for the reasons they think. These methods/theories/techniques often work because these people radically change several things at once and they see results, however, they tend to glorify the catalyst that started it all i.e. not eating carbs after 5.

The best diet is one you will stick to, the body responds to consistent changes over time and doesn’t like flip-flopping between extremes. Moderation is the key, no matter what you say or see, moderation is the key. Sooner or later, those who don’t moderate (like me the first time) eventually burn out.

My first massive weight loss, I completely cut dietary fat out of my diet for a whole year, all I got was the bear minimum from chicken breast and a few eggs and nuts. Not even close to the RDA. You know what happened? My Testosterone, a hormone that uses saturated fat to synthesise crashed. I’m not sure the exact science about what happened, but my body shut down producing testosterone.

I noticed it when I felt so incredibly weak, wasn’t making any gym gains, ZERO sex drive, tired, moody and just feeling off colour. One of my co-workers at the time said I looked anaemic, so pale, weak with bags under my eyes. I knew I wasn’t, since I give blood regularly and they test for iron levels before they take the blood. I ordered a ‘Full body blood test’ off the internet. Why would I do that? Because if you go to the NHS and say, ‘I feel rough’ they will make sure you don’t have anything deadly, which is fine, and then begin a very long process of finding out the rest, sometimes not even doing that. I know a little bit about cars. I spent years fixing up my land rover, I can diagnose what’s wrong with my car these days to a close margin. When I go to the mechanic, I can tell them pretty much exactly what is wrong and what needs replacing. Then, them being the experts, will tell me if there is anything more. I took the same approach with my doctor, I went there with a professional private medical blood test result and showed them.

To their surprise my testosterone, which an acceptable tolerance is between 10nmol/L – 31nmol/L, mine was 1.8nmol/L. The NHS use a different tolerance than this company whose limit is lower, but as you can see below. I was half way to losing my manhood!

After a whole YEAR of tests including an MRI, Ultrasound and several blood tests, they couldn’t find a reason. Doctors can be very ignorant when their patient suggests something like diet. But that’s by-the-by in the end I went for treatment privately since a whole host of NHS incompetence’s left me massively under dosed for 6 months, causing me to feel worse not better. I am now on 500mg of Sustanon a month which I inject into my quad once a week. Lesson for every man, don’t neglect dietary fat.

It took about 6 more months to feel the effect. So a 2 year payment for a stupid mistake. But I started getting my old self back eventually and made gains etc, I even went on to compete in strongman competitions and training. Although I was seriously bad!

So other than that, that’s been my life. Now it’s time to change. Now it’s time to set another goal and stick with it. A goal has to be SMART

Specific Measurable Attainable Realistic Time based

So my smart goal is this:

I want to compete in a bodybuilding physique competition in 2018, although not officially released, the dates tend to stay fairly similar each year. May 26th is my date . I will measure my progress with 3 steps, short term goal, medium and long, the latter being to compete. It is attainable based upon the large timeframe I have given myself and it is also realistic because of that. Time based, meaning I will track myself weekly to gauge my aesthetic appearance and my weight.

I will start with a 16 week ‘Cutting Period’ During this time I will lose 30kg at a rate of 1.8kg per week following a strict diet. I will measure if my progress IRL is matching with my predicted progress and adjust as needed, I will be setting my goal to what I know is safely attainable, through personal experience and research recommendations. Once this 16-week cutting period is over, I have left myself 4 weeks to pick up any slack and make any corrections to the diet, meaning, if I arrive at my goal weight/physique of 90kg and I am still not happy, I have time to continue before moving onto the next step, this should bring me to October 2017.

If I am on course I will begin ‘Lean Bulking’ on a small caloric deficit each day. Until a physique which I believe is presentable has been attained. Since the competition is on May 26th that will give me 6 ½ Months before cutting down 8 – 12 weeks prior to the competition date.

I am aware of the emotional problems, since a member of my family has terminal cancer, they will likely die during this period, I am prepared and won’t let this affect my progress.

I am determined. I am ready for it. I’m not ready to share my social media or anything yet, nor will I be posting pictures on my social media until I am confident enough, this is, after all a mind-game.

Wish me luck buddies.

Love you Bye.

#weightloss #mensphysique #bodybuilding #bodyunderconstruction

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