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realcube · 3 years

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ONCE YOU’RE GONE

rq ♥ hello!! can i please request miya twins, sakusa, suna, akaashi x fem!reader an angst one. like they got into a heated argument each other. reader just had enough, maybe take a stroll and got into a deadly accident that cost her life/ memory loss or something. and the hq char regrets it

tw ♥ angst, hurt/comfort, breakups, disappearances, very vague implications of kidnapping, memory loss & injury

a/n ♥ sorry i couldn’t think of anything for suna </3

ATSUMU MIYA

♡ he’s never really been an overly religious guy

♡ yet everyday, he finds himself praying that you’ll come back

♡ and before now, he considered himself a rather patient person, but every second you were gone was filled with anguish

♡ mostly because he knew it was all his fault

♡ nobody blamed it on him though, which only made him feel more guilty

♡ it was late, so he decided to walk you home from his house. hardly with your safety in mind though, just because he wanted to spend more time with you

♡ that was his first mistake

♡ his second was getting so defensive over his volleyball team

♡ he was talking about their recent loss to karasuno high, and how they were all devastated since they had been training for ages

♡ yet instead of comforting him, you simply replied, “maybe you should do things besides volleyball, if you’re getting so worked up about it.”

♡ but all he heard was you being condescending (though that genuinely wasn’t your intention) and telling him to give up something he is passionate about because of one little defeat

♡ you tried to explain that you honestly meant no harm by your statement but atsumu argued that the damage had already been done, hence your apology meant nothing to him

♡ realising that atsumu was just being pissy and taking his frustration at the game out on you, you distanced yourself; walking a few paces in front of him and plugging in your earbuds to tune him out

♡ after marching behind you for a few more yards, atsumu eventually decided that he was finished

♡ in one swift motion, he turned on his heels and stomped back his house, leaving you to walk the rest of the distance yourself; that was his third mistake

♡ however, after walking for about half a mile, he got a newsfeed notification on his phone titled, ‘four people reported missing in hyōgo prefecture, in the last week.’

♡ it only took one headline for all atsumu’s previous emotions to be swept away and replaced with one that left him motionless; guilt

♡ he continued walking back to his home, reasoning that you clearing didn’t want him near you — anyone could tell by the way you walked in front of him and ignored him— so he must’ve made the right choice to leave you, since it’s what you wanted, after all

♡ and it’s not like y’all broke up or anything, he still loves you and hopes you are safe and to prove that, he apologised and texted you first

♡ ‘hey, i’m so sorry i was i bit of a jerk earlier.’

♡ followed by ‘text me once you’re home.’

♡ no response, simply read at 21:45

♡ that was a week ago, yet he still wholehearted believed that you were going to come back

♡ though, deep down he knew he was just feeding himself the same line over and over again, just so that he wouldn’t feel guilty, and so that the sight of a volleyball stopped making him feel so sick and distressed

OSAMU MIYA

♡ he’s never felt such a sea of emotions at once before

♡ on one hand, he was just happy to see you alive and well; isn’t that all a lover should want?

♡ however, he didn’t have the honour of calling himself your lover anymore

♡ you didn’t remember anything from before the crash, which initially brought him a small tinge of relief, since you wouldn’t blame him for what happened

♡ however, you didn’t remember him at all

♡ so when he knelt by your bed and started apologising profusely, all you did which raise a brow and turn to the nurse, quietly — yet not discreetly — asking who the guy by your bed was

♡ he felt his hear tear apart at such a simple inquiry

♡ however, instead of explaining himself, he got up and left, “nobody.”

♡ wanting to get it all off of his chest, he told atsumu about what happened, as if he didn’t know that his brother had the biggest crush on you during your whole relationship with osamu

♡ and of course, upon hearing the news, atsumu ‘snuck out’ later to go visit you in hospital and presumably try to win your heart

♡ though, there was nothing ‘sneaky’ about the way he loudly fumbled around with the car keys, or the way he tended to slam the door behind him — atsumu knew exactly what his brother was trying to do and although it pained him to even think of losing you, he let his brother pursue you anyway

♡ he tried to protect you once and it resulted in you losing your memory, so god knows what would happen if he tried again

♡ plus, you were no longer his to protect, or at least that is what he tried to convince himself

♡ after months of daily visits from atsumu —and none from osamu — you were somewhat starting to gain your memory back

♡ atsumu just seemed so.. familiar, and that was the single best feeling when you are so isolated

♡ though, there was something off about him that you couldn’t exactly put your finger on, but he reassured you that it was because ‘seeing you hurt changed him as a man’ so of course he’s different from the way you ‘remember’ him

♡ years passed, and you continued dating atsumu in blissful ignorance of the events that happened before the accident

♡ you feel deeper in love with the atsumu you thought you knew and were forced away from osamu (who chose to remain single, he claimed it was to focus on his studies but he truly couldn’t find a second soulmate)

♡ it was only at your own wedding day were you finally able to see osamu once more, though you didn’t really interact with him much..

♡ until he objected during your vows, then, it was pretty hard to ignore him, especially since he appeared sober yet was claiming that you are his one true love, and he regrets ever leaving you

♡ needless to say, the rest of the wedding definitely did not go as planned

KIYOOMI SAKUSA

♡ he loved you; and he wished he had showed it more, now that it’s too late

♡ “sakusa,” you cooed, resting your head on his shoulder and offering him a plate of apple slices you cut yourself, while browsing the shows on TV, “what shall we watch tonight?” you inquired, but mostly to yourself since dating sakusa nowadays was similar to dating a literal rock

♡ no response, as per usual

♡ well, on the bright-side, that just meant you’d get to watch whatever you wanted, unless sakusa spoke up, which he most likely would not

♡ scanning through all your options, you decided to select some teen romance, coming-of-age movie that you knew sakusa would most definitely not enjoy, hence forcing him to say thing

♡ however, instead of him reacting in accordance to your plan, he simply got up and left without another word

♡ something about the sight of him with his back turned to you, headed out of your house and back home with even a goodbye cleared your fogged mind and left one fact undoubtedly clear; you didn’t want to be with him anymore

♡ and although you didn’t want to make assumptions, you surmised that he felt the same way; it was almost a certainty considering how distant he acted

♡ so of course you cut it off that same night; yet when you proposed the idea of breaking up, sakusa became surprisingly defensive

♡ it was as if all of a sudden he realised how shitty he had been acting this whole time, and how his actions had effected you

♡ you both yelled over the phone for hours, though it was hardly an ‘argument’, more like sakusa apologising profusely and making — what you believed to be — false promises, while you explained that you had just had enough

♡ it ended with him almost screaming ‘i love you’, but you hung up on him too soon

♡ he would never admit it, but he cried himself to sleep that night

♡ there was a part of him saying that he was just being overdramatic and you were nothing more than another lover that will enter and exit his life with the wind, but four years later, he still found himself getting butterflies upon catching a glimpse of you in the stands at one of games

♡ despite the fact you were cheering for opposite team

KEIJI AKAASHI

♡ you two were the perfect couple

♡ study dates, sliding notes to each other during class, midnight strolls, endless support, dancing in the rain; it was like you were both living in your very own slice-of-life romance movie

♡ however, as they say, all good things must come to an end

♡ but for akaashi, that ending came too quickly

♡ “you can do it, i know you can!” that must’ve been the tenth time you’ve said that today, it was like your own inspirational mantra, yet akaashi didn’t seem to be endeared by it

♡ “no, (y/n).” he repeated with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose as he began to guide you to the door, “it’s a silly dream. i probably shouldn’t have even mentioned it.”

♡ “it’s not silly!” you argued, throwing on your jacket as he made it increasingly clear that he didn’t want to continue this conversation, “it’s your dream! you can’t just keep complaining about school if you aren’t even going to try to pursue your passion.”

♡ akaashi silently shook his head, “go.” it was harsh, but he could only deal with speaking about his work life for so long

♡ “you go.” you snapped, though knowing it wasn’t exactly the comeback of the century, but it summarised your feelings well enough, “i’ve honestly had enough of you. i hope--”

♡ you cut yourself off at that; storming off before saying something you might regret

♡ though furious, you really didn’t want things to end with him, you just hoped that maybe one day you’ll be able to have a civil conversation with him about what he wants to do in life

♡ because he hides it well, but the more you got to know him, the more you noticed that he truly wasn’t happy in his studies, and you just wished he would do something about it or at the very least, let you help

♡ and he knew this too; he knew it all too well yet still couldn’t bring himself to better his life, even once you were gone

♡ you were critically injured after the accident, and during your time in the hospital, you let akaashi see you once

♡ one visit was his chance to redeem himself, to apologise and help you both align your futures together

♡ but all he could do was sit with you in radio silence

♡ thirty minutes passed and his mind was running on overdrive, yet he couldn’t think of anything to utter after ‘hello.’

♡ so he left

♡ no apology, no redemption, to attempt, nothing.

♡ all he could say was that he left with a heavy heart, a heart filled with hope that one day he could return to you despite all the wrong he has done; though that seemed more unrealistic than his dream of playing profession volleyball

♡ he had truly lost his soulmate

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starscreamloki · 3 years

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Follow the Blind

Chapter Sixteen

Warnings: Whump, torture, angst, Loki is a mess, panic attacks, mentions of suicide, depression, violence, PTSD.

Words: 8630

Summary: (Loki’s POV, Third POV, Loki centered) Loki falls from the Bifrost, but instead of landing in Thanos’ clutches, he lands on earth and falls into the hands HYDRA. Years later the Avengers stumble across him and decide to take him in.

A/N: Yes, it’s been an eternity since I updated this fic. Sorry, but not sorry. Hope you still enjoy it anyway. :-)

Previous chapter

----

“Come on, Loki, we've got a surprise for you!” Steve said enthusiastically.

Every muscle in his body pulled taut, and warily he sought out the other man with his energy reading. A ‘surprise’ according to them didn’t necessarily mean a surprise he’d like. HYDRA had sometimes used that excuse as well and the ending had only been painful for him.

“We’re not gonna hurt you. Come on,” Steve urged, but his tone indicated he had caught the wariness Loki felt.

“Tell me, what is this surprise?” Loki asked, anxiety already nipping at his ankles.

“If I tell you, it won’t be a surprise.”

“In that regard I shall decline your offer.”

A sigh escaped the other. “If you don’t like it, you’re free to leave. Otherwise I’m asking you to trust us.”

“Free to leave the scene, or free to leave altogether?” Loki asked.

“You are free to leave altogether, but you know how that went last time.”

Loki flinched, the memories burned all too well in his mind. Yet, the other didn’t deny him his freedom, but it still felt as if he couldn’t leave if he desired so. Was that due to them, or were these shackles of his own making?

“Just… have a little faith and give us a chance,” Steve pushed, sounding tired. “It’ll be me and Clint.”

Take a leap of faith.

Was this to be his new mantra?

All the possible outcomes of this surprise flitted through Loki’s mind, most of them rather nefarious. Yet, he couldn’t deny he was curious and could use a change of scenery.

The passed days had become quite a drag and had come and gone without Loki truly noticing. Not much eventful had happened. Sometimes Natasha came to collect him for training. Bucky stopped by to silently watch TV in his room (Loki suspected the Shadow needed an escape of some sorts from time to time). And the others regularly came to check upon him, or bring him food. Other than that, nothing happened. Nobody pressed him. Nobody forced him.

Nothing.

He also began to believe that these Humans, Avengers as they called themselves, maybe weren’t part of HYDRA. Yet, he still wasn’t sure, but the evidence began to speak in their favour.

Loki would've gone mad due to sheer boredom, hadn't it been for his special books. Tony had received and set up the printer, and Loki was devouring books as if he had to catch up. Which he, obviously, had.

When Loki didn’t give an indication he was coming along, Steve decided to meet him halfway. “When was the last time you went outside?”

For a heartbeat Loki was silent until he reluctantly admitted, “I cannot remember.”

“We can, and it has been weeks. Come on.”

Loki could feel his anxiety rising, but he unfolded himself from the couch anyway, pushing past his fears. Tautly he nodded - an indication as good as any he would join.

“Put on something warm,” Steve advised.

With his brows furrowed, Loki complied nonetheless, magicking a fur cloak.

Steve made a small sound of surprise. “It’s actually pretty amazing you can do that.”

Loki shrugged.

They made their way down the hallway and into the elevator which brought them to ground level and they arrived in the foyer of the building.

It was just like he remembered, when he had tried to escape the first time. The place was teeming with people, and many of these people greeted them. Well, they mostly greeted Steve, calling him Captain, but Loki could feel their greetings extended to him as well.

Nervousness was eating him alive and, hidden between his back and cloak, he was fumbling with his hands.

Then they were outside, and after a couple of steps Loki could hear something crunch beneath his boots. The moment he stopped dead in his tracks to investigate, something hit his chest, shattering on impact and cold briefly graced his jaw.

“Clint!” Steve exclaimed chastisting.

Loki’s heart was suddenly racing, the anxious beast prowling its cage, but reason overruled fear. It was obvious what had hit him, and the Humans didn’t know what they were in for.

He sought out Clint’s form, his face a feigned mix of fear and anger. The ruse worked.

“Shit,” Clint mumbled and he began to backpaddle. “I’m sorry. Shouldn’t have done that. Please, don-”

His pleading got interrupted as something hit him in the back and a mischievous smile curled Loki’s lips.

Clint’s aura showed confusion, but it quickly turned to resolve, mixed with mirth and anticipation.

Before Loki was well aware, snowballs were flying through the air.

For all his blindness, his aim wasn’t off, and neither was his ability to dodge the frosted missiles. But Loki wasn’t playing fair, and Clint and Steve kept reminding him of that. The Humans were limited to using their hands, but Loki could create dozens at the time with his magic, drawing fake complaints from them. They were pretty apt at dodging his snowballs themselves.

For the first time in years, Loki laughed. Genuinely, mirthful, mischievous and for a moment, free of sorrow.

***

Worn down, Loki sat on the couch of his cell. It had become his new favorite spot instead of his bed. It reminded him of a luxurious sofa he had once owned when living on Asgard. Any other memories regarding the matter were vague.

After his snowball fight with Clint and Steve, they had something called hot cocoa. It reminded him of the delicious, sweet chocolate paste they brought him once in a while. And the sweet, soft topping had been nothing short of a delight which perfectly matched the hot beverage.

Now he was tired, but it didn’t tarnish the happiness he felt.

It had been a nice surprise indeed.

There was a knock on his door, followed by someone opening it. “Loki?” Sam asked.

“Yes?” He sounded more agitated than he felt.

“Do you need anything?”

Loki shook his head. He just wanted to sleep.

Normally when he was asked if he needed something and he denied them, they’d swiftly leave, but this time Sam lingered in the doorway. It was aggravating and Loki’s exhaustion made him snap. “What?”

“I uh- haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I have never seen you before,” Loki countered without thought.

“Yeah…” Sam trailed, obviously put off. “Can we talk?”

Loki shrugged. He wasn’t particularly happy to do so, but he was too tired to put up a futile fight over such a small matter.

Sam stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

“Look, I’m sorry I lost sight of you. I never should have left you alone.”

“As my appointed guardian, you failed your job indeed,” Loki pointed out.

“I know,” Sam admitted softly.

Loki’s head whipped into the man’s direction, his blind eyes squeezed to slits with suspicion. “Riddle me this,” he began mistrustfully. “You claim you are not HYDRA, and this might be true. But if you were my appointed guardian, then how does this not make you HYDRA?”

There was a moment of silence before Sam answered, sounding small. “Steve asked me to keep an eye on you when you left.”

“So my supposed given freedom was a lie after all,” Loki bit nasty.

“No, not like that!” Sam exclaimed urgently. “You were, are, free. But the Avengers just simply asked me to keep an eye on you to see if you could get by on your own considering what happened the time before that. Just to keep you from trouble and I-” Sam took a sharp intake of breath, “-I failed you.”

Anger, suspicion, disbelief, scorn; Loki didn’t know what he exactly felt, but everything about this revelation was fishy.

If Sam wasn’t HYDRA, and had done as the Avengers had asked, they never had truly set him free. If Sam was HYDRA, he had done exactly what he was supposed to, and his mission wasn’t finished yet (or had changed course), meaning Loki still wasn’t out of the woods. What if the Avengers were true, but Sam was HYDRA and tried to infiltrate?

There was a lie somewhere caught in this reasoning, but he had trouble pinpointing it. Blame it on his tiredness or something else, Loki knew not. But he knew one thing: he was furious.

The door opened once more, and Loki could feel Steve entering. He didn’t know whether he was saved from Sam, or if Sam got saved from him, but the tension was tangible enough that Steve noticed immediately. “Everything okay?”

“I should leave,” Sam mumbled.

“You should,” Loki snidely agreed.

When Sam passed Steve, Loki could see the auras of both men flash and clash, something unspoken and unseen passing between them.

Steve lingered for another couple of seconds, not saying a word, before he left as well.

***

“You did what!” Steve exclaimed.

Sam had just told him what had passed between him and Loki, and defensively he said, “I wasn’t gonna lie to him!”

“No, but we can’t afford this setback either!” Steve was extremely displeased, if not downright pissed off.

“I know, I know. And I’m sorry. It’s just-” Sam lifted and dropped one shoulder. “-He kinda scares me. He’s changed so much and he’s no longer the broken man I remember. Which is good, but it… He’s powerful, and you know it. He’s Thor’s brother and therefore a God or Demigod or whatever, and that’s frightening.”

Sam wasn’t one to be fearful quickly. Steve had seen him many times dive head on into situations which were less than favorable for them, but he understood where the fear came from. Diving towards one’s death was one thing, but Loki’s twisted mind, severely damaged by HYDRA, was another. HYDRA had shown that there were worse things than death. Who knew what tricks Loki would pull?

Bucky hadn’t been free from HYDRA’s grasp either, so why would Loki be?

When Steve spoke, he was calmer than before. “Yes, and he’s going to be more frightening if we shame his trust, lie to him, and pull stunts like these.”

“Oh, so you were going to tell him?” Sam asked, peeved.

“Eventually, yes. When the time was right.”

Sam shook his head. “I don’t think there’d ever be a right time.”

“Maybe…” Steve trailed and then he sighed. “Fine, what happened, happened. We just have to pick up the broken pieces again.”

“I’m sorry, man.”

Steve nodded. “I know you are, and you’re forgiven, of course.”

***

“Loki, you're distracted,” Natasha said as she booped his nose after breaking through his defences.

He didn't like the playful touch, but he was grateful she hadn't punched him instead.

“I have had enough,” Loki retorted roughly and magicked his weapons away.

Before he could turn to leave, she grabbed his arm to halt him. “What’s on your mind?”

“Unhand me,” he replied calmly, but his anxiety was already rising.

She did as he demanded, but her aura made it clear she wasn't ready with this conversation, yet. “Loki, if something is bothering you, you can share it with us. You know that, right?”

“Can I?” he asked rhetorically.

“You still don't trust us?”

“You once again ask a question to which you well know the answer.”

“If not, then why do you train with me?” she asked, walking to the side of the room to fetch their water bottles.

Loki was grateful for the space she created between them. His anxiety didn’t worsen, but it didn’t lessen either. After trying to swallow the lump in his throat, he shrugged and answered, “There is a difference between you, and them.”

The gratification in Natasha’s aura was almost tangible, and Loki was quick to temper her mirth. “Do not flatter yourself. You are, just like them, still one of my captors.”

“Ah, but you trust me more than the others.”

Normally Loki’s former statement would have evoked a discussion or a rise out of one of these Humans. They would insist he wasn’t their prisoner, but Natasha let it slide (this time). In favor of what? Loki wondered. Conversation?

“I would say it is not a matter of trust,” he retorted, sounding slightly haughty.

Resignation quickly replaced the joy in her aura, and it was a good thing Loki was used to her throwing the bottle without warning. He was perfectly able to catch it, even though her throw had been harsher than normal.

Even more so, with his energy reading - which was now fully enhanced by his Seidr - he could easily discern the energy of the water, and even the minor amount of energy in the plastic.

“Still there’s something on your mind,” she pressed.

Loki unscrewed the cap of his bottle and took a sip. “Am I obliged to share?”

Natasha sighed exasperated. “How many more times do I have to tell you we’re not going to force you to answer.”

A little smile played on his lips. “At least once more, Milady Natasha. As always.”

And probably a thousand times more, but he held his tongue. He wasn’t sure if she would catch the reference, but it was definitely time Bucky would start watching TV in his own room. Or cell. Or whatever it was to him.

Natasha didn’t answer and thus Loki pressed. “Let me ask you the same question in return. Do you trust me?” Natasha’s aura shifted, but she didn’t respond immediately, thus Loki said, “Precisely, you do not.”

“You didn’t even give me the time to answer that,” she said calmly, but Loki caught the annoyance in her voice.

“You did not answer immediately because you doubted the truth of the confirmation you were about to give.”

“Well, I do trust you.”

“But you truly do not,” Loki stated with a wry smile. “Do not lie to me, Natasha. If I am not allowed to lie, then neither are you.”

Suddenly Natasha’s aura shifted to confusion, and the confusement bled through in her voice. “Who said you aren’t allowed to lie? You are, after all, the God of Lies.”

That statement - the title he had once borne - made him inhale sharply and he was unable to keep the frustration and sadness he felt regarding the matter from his face.

The door to their training room opened and Loki recognized the Shadow’s aura. Yet, Natasha distracted him with her sharp wits, and even though the window of opportunity was small, she took it nonetheless. “You don’t believe that anymore, do you?”

Loki didn’t answer.

She had him cornered with her words, not to mention he was doubting to speak up with Bucky in the room.

“When was the last time you told a lie, Loki?” she pressed.

His teeth clamped down on each other, the crease between his brows one of frustration and anger. He wanted to snap.

He shouldn’t.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had lied. He had done it so often in the past that it had become a subconscious action. HYDRA had well beaten it out of him, and now he couldn’t even remember what his last lie had been.

Doubt filled him to the core, and instead of using words at which he should be so apt to answer, Loki chose to walk away.

***

The reason for Loki’s distraction during his training session with Natasha had been because his mind was occupied with the creation of a new spell.

He still hadn’t made peace with his blindness, and he doubted if he ever would. But he suspected he would be forced to if he failed.

Tony had given him an option to read, and next to reading for entertainment, Loki had also been doing research. Every book that even had a shrapnel of information about witchcraft was printed and devoured.

He didn’t make notes because he couldn’t, but luckily he needn’t either. If he wanted, J.A.R.V.I.S. could probably note whatever he was saying and print it for later reference, but Loki didn't trust the A.I., nor any of these people for that matter.

Yesterday, Sam had proven that once again.

Now that a Soulforge wasn’t an option, he was trying to fabricate a spell to cure his blindness. And his knowledge about a Soulforge and its mechanics, combined with his knowledge about Seidr, should suffice and prove fruitful.

Still, he was a long way from his attempt.

The base of the spell was built upon a blindness spell - a simple piece of magic in and on itself. It would be as simple (and complicated) as just reversing the mechanics. Yet, a blindness hex was often temporary and this one had to last for thousands of years.

Thus, after he had taken a shower, he set to work again, making mental notes and rereading some passages in his books.

And so the days drifted by in the same drag as before.

Yet, the beast of anxiety seemed to shrink. Vivid memories that once haunted and taunted him on an hourly basis, hadn’t tormented him for days, save for the occasional feeling, sound or smell he couldn’t place.

Loki also found that he was slightly happier, and the moments where he felt lethargic were shorter opposed to days on end as once had been the case.

Maybe, just maybe, these Avengers weren’t part of HYDRA and maybe they truly just wanted to help him.

***

“Sir, you are expected in the common room,” J.A.R.V.I.S. suddenly piped up.

“Expected?” Loki asked, his eyebrows inched towards his hairline.

“Yes. I’m afraid it’s mandatory.”

Loki was silent, clenching his jaw. “I was under the assumption I am free in my decisions.”

“You are. But it’s Christmas, a non-negotiable social obligation.”

Every muscle in his body suddenly pulled taut, his breathing shallow and the beast of anxiety immediately escaped its cage. A dread almost akin to despair, settled in his stomach and it made him nauseous.

“I believe it is known to you as Yule,” J.A.R.V.I.S. added.

“I am familiar with Christmas,” Loki grated out between clenched teeth, his voice wavering. “Non-negotiable or not, I decline.”

“They’re quite hellbent on celebrating it with you, and they already feared you’d decline. Therefore they instructed me to tell you that if you don’t come to them, they’ll come to you. And in my opinion, Sir, your room is too small for such a crowd.”

The Norns be damned, Loki thought bitterly. There was no way he would get off the hook.

He could stubbornly ignore it, magically seal his door and deny them access, but he had a feeling it would come back to him. No. It was better to meet them on his terms - if he had any say in that matter.

“Fifteen minutes,” he mumbled, ending the discussion which was actually an extortion.

Loki used his fifteen minutes to calm himself down and he tried to batter the anxiety back in its cage. He managed, marginally. At least he wasn’t nauseous anymore.

Also, he performed a series of quick spells. Nothing grand, but some basic protection and warding hexes. If needed, he would be protected for some time without having drained himself in advance for a possible fight.

Once he felt he could move without shaking or throwing up, he walked to the door, but J.A.R.V.I.S. stopped him dead in his tracks. “Uhm, Sir. I hate to break it. But it’s Midgardian custom to dress nicely for this celebration.”

Loki was perplexed. “What?”

“Well, not everyone agrees with this tradition, and even though all the Avengers said they wouldn’t dress fancy, all of them still donned their best attires.”

It made sense. None of them had ever complained about what he was and wasn’t wearing, but as far as he knew, Christmas was a celebration nonetheless.

The request reminded him of grand feasts and celebrations on Asgard, from which there was one almost every week. Loki had owned dozens of outfits for every occasion imaginable and looking your best - especially if you were a Prince - was expected.

Melancholically, Loki lost himself in the memories of what once had been. But the request simultaneously evoked excitement. He longed to wear something nice instead of this simple, itchy shirt and trousers.

Would he be able to regain a shred of his former self or feel some joy if he wore a nice attire? There was only one way to find out, and it took (once again) a leap of faith.

With his Seidr he magicked a different attire; a green tunic decorated with golden details at the hem of the sleeves and neck. On top of that a sleeveless, leather black coat which came to his knees, decorated with intricate plaitings, some golden details on the rims and a golden buckle to fasten it. And to finish it off, green trousers tucked into black, calf-high, leather boots.

It wasn’t as fancy as he could magic or as he once had owned, but he was sure this looked good without the ability to see himself in a mirror.

And it felt good.

Still anxious, but with the smallest of smiles on his lips, he opened the door, and this time he wasn’t stopped. A strange feeling of excitement mixed with pure dread swiveled through him as he made his way to the desired room.

Once he reached the destined floor and the elevator doors slit open, he was met with a very sweet scent. Loki opened the door to the common room and the scent of pine-trees got added to it, assaulting his nose trills.

Pinetrees…

A memory tried to take root, but Tony demanded his attention, leaving him with only the feeling of the memory.

“Loki!” he exclaimed happily. “Looking sharp. Glad you're here.”

“I did not have a choice in the matter,” he retorted smally, the nail of his thumb running over the pad of his index finger. He could feel goosebumps running over his spine.

His senses were running in overdrive. Every person in the room, every little speck of dust that so much as moved, he could sense it. Small conversations between the attendants all reached his ears and were quickly processed and assessed to determine if someone was a threat. And that sweet taste that was heavily in this room had already settled on his tongue.

There weren't a lot of people present in regard to the huge festivity J.A.R.V.I.S. had made it sound. Just… All of his tormentors. Not even a plus one.

“Yeah. But we're glad to have you. There's a buffet over there,” the man rambled, indicating something Loki couldn't see. “Have anything you like. Steve made some eggnog, there's punch too, but be careful with that one. Natasha made it. It ah- It packs quite a punch.” Tony chuckled.

“Hey!” Natasha exclaimed peeved, but she left it at that.

“I swear, there's an entire bottle of vodka in there,” Tony whispered loudly and giggled.

Loki forced a small smile and before he could check himself he quipped, “And by the smell of your breath, you do not seem to mind.”

It hadn't been an amusing remark, but Tony laughed as if it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. Definitely drunk, or well on his way.

Loki could feel that Bucky made their way to them, and once he had joined he said, “Well, Tony. Maybe you could fetch me a glass.”

Apparently he wasn’t the only one on high alert.

Tony scuffed away, mumbling something intangible to do as Bucky had suggested.

“Figured you needed saving. He's been at it since noon,” Bucky explained without having been asked.

Loki nodded, his tongue glued to his pallette and he couldn't suppress a shudder or two.

Then, just as quick as the other had joined, Bucky was gone.

Loki didn't want to do anything more than leave, and he debated with himself what would be a proper amount of time to stay to satisfy them, but short enough for him to not go crazy. Thirty minutes? An hour?

Sadly, his idea got shattered and the man at the top of the hierarchy rounded everyone up in the seating area for gift exchange.

This wasn't going to be done within an hour, Loki suspected.

Tony had quite a mind about how he wanted to go about this - he would give the first gift, and the receiver would open it. Then that person would grab the next gift and give it to the person it was intended for, who would unwrap it, and so on.

Natasha came up next to Loki, pushing a plate with food and cutlery on his lap, and a glass with something in his hand.

However, Loki wasn't hungry at all. His anxiety made sure of that and the smell of food on top of the sweet scent which lingered in the room made him nauseous again. The drink, however, smelled sweet and alluring and he dared a sip. Yet, his body disagreed and he could feel his stomach churning.

Conversation and laughter piped up around him, gifts getting exchanged, but he was hardly paying attention, let alone joining a conversation. This really wasn’t the occasion for him to be mirthful and enjoy.

“Loki!”

He snapped out of his mulling as someone happily exclaimed his name.

“This one's for you,” Bruce said, walking to him and handing over the item while someone pulled the plate from his lap.

Loki was unable to keep the shock he felt from his face. This wasn’t happening. He couldn’t… he wouldn’t-

“What? You thought we wouldn’t get you any presents?” Tony asked jokingly. “There’s more than one.”

Within a heartbeat Loki could feel all color drain from his face, the gift shaking in his hands as it was beyond his control.

“Come on, open it,” Clint urged.

With trembling hands Loki found a ribbon to undo, and he felt around for the opening of the package. He found a lid. After taking a deep breath and expecting the worst, he opened it.

Tears were biting the back of his eyes and he could feel bile rise in the back of his throat. Carefully he stuck his hand into the box to free its contents - something soft and obviously made from fabric graced his fingers.

“Well? What is it?” Clint asked impatiently.

Words failed to get past Loki’s constricted throat, fear eating him alive and almost enabling him to take the content out.

“Oh, that’s a nice coat,” Bruce said as Loki held up the item, willing his hands to stop trembling, but utterly failing at it.

“Yeah. Figured he could use one to blend in more. Instead of a cloak,” Steve remarked, betraying the gift was his.

“I do not want this,” Loki said with a creaking voice, barely able to get the words out.

“Ungrateful much,” Clint mumbled softly.

The remark made Loki flinch.

“Why not?” someone asked.

Simultaneously, Steve said, “Because you hadn’t expected it and didn’t get any of us something? That’s okay.”

“I- I-” Loki hackled, trying to swallow the bile and bite the tears back.

His ears were ringing and his entire being screamed to flee. It didn’t matter where, which direction, or how, and he simultaneously longed for the chair in which he was seated to swallow him whole.

“If you wish to return a favor, I’d like some extra training with you some time,” Natasha offered.

The idea to exchange for a service instead of a touchable gift got quickly picked up by the others, and like a spreading wildfire the Humans listed favors they would like in return.

“I’d love to have you by my side in the lab for half a day,” said Tony.

“Another shot at proving myself to you,” offered Sam.

“A story,” Clint said pointedly.

“Story?” asked Natasha.

Clint directed his attention to Loki. “You’re a thousand years old, you must have good stories. And I'm willing to listen.”

“Oh, I’d like a story too,” Bruce said enthusiastically.

The entire conversation had gone so fast, Loki’s mind was spinning. He was scared due to reasons they couldn’t phantom and he was shaking heavily, shivers running over his spine continuously. He was also angry, confused, and downright at a loss.

Their attention had settled on him, he could feel it, and they obviously expected a story right here and now.

Loki could only think of one.

When he wanted to speak, his voice skipped, a pathetic sound resonating in the back of his throat. But nobody pressed him, nobody seemed to mind, and after he had swallowed a couple of times (the lump was far from gone, but the bile had stopped burning his throat) and he had bit back his tears to a point where they wouldn’t fall after the first word, he was able to begin his story, albeit it was with a cracked voice.

“I am familiar with the exchange of gift giving on this holiday. HYDRA did it too.” He paused to swallow and he took a deep breath to muster up some courage. “Three times they celebrated as well, involving me.”

“Three? It’s annually. You were there for five years,” Clint pointed out.

Loki flinched. From what he understood Clint more often spoke before he had thought about his words and its effects.

Natasha was there to save him from an explanation, though it scared him how she knew. “They keep their prisoners off balance by not conforming to the rhythms of night and day. Two days may pass, and a prisoner might think it’s been only half a day, never seeing daylight, never giving an indication of the time. If they’d done it every year, it would give an indication of time.”

“Correct.” Loki nodded, feeling, and sounding, ridiculously small. “The first time it was Christmas, they notified me in what I assumed was the morning. They promised me, in the spirits of this festivity, that I would get a gift at the end of the day if I…” His blind eyes went down to his lap and he tried to breathe. He hated this word, but there was no other way to describe it. “-behaved. They had promised me a hot shower as a gift, opposed to an icy hose down as usual.”

Loki could feel how he was the center of attention, their auras riddled with curiosity pressing down on him. It frightened him. Still, he pressed on. “And thus I did comply with their demands. I cannot remember what they did that day, or maybe I can. Maybe it’s a memory from another time. I know not.”

The words tumbled from his lips, and Loki found he was distancing himself from the story as if he hadn’t been the subject. It made his voice waver less, and the shaking began to diminish as well, but in exchange his voice had gone almost monotone, save for a hint of sadness.

“They were true to their word, and after they were done with-” He shook his head and didn’t elaborate. A faint memory of agony flashed through his mind, but it was only the feeling of pain which truly stuck.

“Eventually they took me to the tiled area. They warned me it could be cold at first, but it would change. Of course, the water hurt my eyes, the acid which they administered earlier, activating. But they hadn’t lied. The water got warmer, indeed, and for a moment it felt nice. Yet, it didn’t stop there, and soon the water had reached a boiling point which burned my skin.

“Extremely fast healing has its perks, but I had discovered far sooner that it also had its downside. In this case as well, especially since they were interested in the workings of it.”

He took a steading breath and he could hear Clint swear under his breath. Loki still had their full attention, but where their auras had been filled with mirthful curiosity, it had now turned to horrific curiosity.

“The second time they promised me food. By then I knew better from the previous time, but I also remember I had not been given anything to eat in quite some time. Meals were always erratic, but they had starved me quite effectively. I was hungry and it hampered with the shred of strength I had left. Thus I, foolishly, complied again.”

“Let me guess, you didn’t get any food?” Tony asked sourly, his voice betraying he probably didn’t want to hear the answer.

“Oh, I did. An entire buffet at that. If only the food hadn’t been poisoned and they wouldn’t let me leave until I had taken a bite of everything and they had done their so-called research.

“The third time-”

“No! Enough,” Bruce interrupted him. “I don’t want to hear it anymore.”

Slowly, Loki let out a shuddering breath and it was only now he discovered his fingers were dug deeply into the armrests of his chair. Memories swiveled in his mind, making him shiver on occasion.

“Is that why you don’t want the gifts?” Steve asked. “You fear there’s a catch?”

Loki couldn’t find his words anymore and resorted to a small nod instead to confirm.

Suddenly Bucky spoke up. “You’re lying.”

The acquisition had been so unexpected that Loki’s head snapped up to seek out Bucky’s form, a sudden anger enabling him to speak again. “Do you think I am still capable of lying?” he snidely asked.

Bucky’s answer was cold. “I think you are.”

Loki scoffed.

“And as an exchange, I want you to tell me a lie to prove my point,” Bucky said.

“If I tell you a lie now, you would know I am lying.”

“How about that game?” Tony mused, interrupting their conversation. “Two truths and a lie?”

“How do you know which one is the lie?” Bucky asked sourly.

“I might be able to assist with that,” J.A.R.V.I.S. interjected. “I would know if he’s lying.”

“Are you up for this, Loki?” Natasha asked, obviously concerned.

Loki couldn’t deny he wasn’t afraid, but he also desired to try it. Where this desire stemmed from, he knew not, but the anger still swiveled in a dark pit in his stomach. Or maybe it was curiosity. Just to see if he could regain a sliver of his former self. He didn’t question how J.A.R.V.I.S. would know he was lying - that was for another time.

He nodded his agreement and held his index finger up in the air. “One. Time passes differently in every realm. When the Bifrost opened I went back to Asgard for one day, whilst only one second passed here Midgard.”

The anger which still coursed through his veins smothered his anxiety greatly, but he couldn’t prevent himself from fidgeting with his free hand while he laid out his options.

Another finger was added to his raised hand, indicating the second option. “Two. I am not blind, I just alter my appearance to get your compassion, and gain what I need.

“Three.” Loki said, adding another finger to his count. “The story I just told is indeed a lie.” Then he added, “J.A.R.V.I.S., do not tell them.”

It was suddenly so silent, one could hear a pin drop. Their auras were riddled with shock, and Loki could hear them breath heavily.

“The latter is preposterous as you’re trying to refute it,” Bruce pointed out.

Stiffly, Loki inclined his head, but didn’t betray anything.

Then, without warning, a ruckus of discussion erupted, all the Humans talking at the same time, theories going back and forth.

Loki was well aware of the ramifications he would eventually face with what he had just done. And no matter from which angle one would look at it, he would have to explain two truths about which he had previously lied. The anger which had bolstered his courage was slowly eaten by his anxiety, and he was quickly beating himself up about why he had done this.

How could he have been so stupid to be lured into this trap?

Eventually the Humans settled, but they were divided on the matter. It was also very clear they were angry with him, and Loki couldn’t fault them for that.

“Which one is it?” Bruce asked, a strange mix of curiosity, weariness and disbelief in his aura.

“J.A.R.V.I.S.?” Loki prompted, wanting to know if the A.I. had picked up correctly.

“All three options were a lie, sir,” was the answer.

Loki nodded. “Correct.”

After a heartbeat of silence the Humans spoke up, once again, all at the same time, stating their disbelief.

“This wasn’t the point of the game! Why would you do that?” Tony exclaimed loudest.

Loki decided to just let them have their shouting match, wild conspiracies and accusations, whilst he tried to calm his nerves until he was given the opportunity to speak. Yet, when he got that opportunity, Bucky beat him to it with the correct conclusion. “Cause he wanted to test if he could.”

J.A.R.V.I.S. then decided to speak up. “And Loki’s story is true.”

The new discussion which erupted was less loud, but still intense. Yet, one person didn’t participate, and hadn’t done so before.

Loki focused on Bucky’s aura. It was hard to read; the man could hide his feelings extremely well. Apparently he noticed the attention, and said, “I knew you could do it.”

There was obvious gratification in the Shadow’s tone and then things fell into place.

Bucky had simply pushed a button and set something in motion that allowed Loki to prove himself to himself. Bucky never believed Loki had lied about the story, he just wanted Loki to lie and excel at it, simply to show him he was still able.

A gift which couldn’t be wrapped with a fancy ribbon.

***

After the dust had somewhat settled, Tony decided it was time to take a break. They would get back to unpacking gifts later.

Loki wasn’t opposed, and he wasn’t the only one who needed a breather.

Nicely enough, the common room had its own balcony. The few times he’d been in the room he had been propped into a corner or against a wall, never bothering to scout the layout or set a foot more into the space than needed.

But now he was out on the balcony, the wind biting as the weather was cold. Loki hardly felt it. He was leaning on the railing, staring at a night and city he couldn’t see.

He heard footsteps behind him, but didn’t bother to turn around or acknowledge the presence of the other. Granted, the situation wasn’t ideal because if someone had malicious intent they could push him off the balcony, but he figured they would rather let him die slowly and painfully than end him quickly.

And thus far they had had every opportunity to kill him, yet, none of these Humans had.

Maybe they truly weren’t part of HYDRA and were they Avengers as they claimed - whatever the rights and obligations were that came with that title.

The person took up residence next to him and greeted, “Hey.”

It was Clint.

An awkward silence settled between them. Loki was well aware that the other wanted to speak with him, or to him, but didn’t know where to start. Thus Loki decided to break the ice, even though he was reluctant to have a conversation. “You do not like your gift?”

“I- ah… It definitely wasn’t what I’d expected,” came the doubtful reply.

“Ungrateful much,” Loki said, using Clint’s earlier words. He could feel how the other’s aura flared with bluster, and Loki turned his head, a small smile on his lips and he winked.

The small chuckle that followed was more nervous relief than actual mirth. “It explained a lot though,” Clint said carefully.

“Undeniably,” Loki agreed.

“Was that why you told it? So you wouldn’t have to explain why you’ve been on edge all evening?”

“Perhaps,” Loki mused. “Perhaps I did to create an opportunity to depart from this obligation.” His blind eyes went back to the nightsky he couldn’t see. “I never have had trouble with telling a story, no matter how fastly wild. Whether it was truthful or a lie, no matter how many people were giving me their attention. However, when you asked and put me on the spot…” He trailed and shook his head again.

“Well, whatever your reason, you shocked us enough,” Clint said wryly. “And we’re reluctant to give you your other presents. Let alone that Bruce still wants to receive his story.”

Loki’s lips slightly curled and he chuckled - something from which he couldn’t remember when he had done it last. “I have more interesting and less harrowing stories, yet I cannot promise they are happy.”

“How come?” Clint asked seriously.

Loki fell silent, the nail of his thumb running over the pad of his index finger as he debated if he should answer. When he did, deciding to take another leap of faith, his tone was serious as well. “Because I cannot remember happy ones.”

“None at all?” Clint asked, perplexed. “I mean, my childhood memories are far from great, but at least I got a couple of happy ones.”

Loki turned to the other, his brows slightly furrowed and he slowly nodded. “I might have them, but I suspect they have been altered.”

“The fuck did they do to you?” Clint murmured, sorrow in his voice.

When Loki answered, he sounded dreamy and far away. “A lot of things you cannot even imagine or should desire to know.”

It was the first time Loki admitted out loud that which had befallen him wasn’t alright. It was the first time he dared to admit it to himself, and that notion, the fact that nobody deserved to be put through such torture as he had been put through, brought tears to his eyes.

Are you sure you did not deserve it? The snide voice in the back of his mind asked.

Clint was hovering next to him, obviously at a loss at what to do with the situation. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Loki didn’t move, frozen to the spot as he tried to push the emotional pain and melancholy away. It was of no use. At the end of this conversation they were expected inside, back to their merry gift unwrapping.

Yet, he felt a little less frightened towards that prospect. Thus far the worst thing that had happened had come from himself, not these Humans. And after every leap of faith he had pushed himself to make, he hadn’t been disappointed with the outcome. Maybe they truly deserved the benefit of the doubt. And maybe all there was to the remainder of the evening was gift unwrapping. No pain, no punishment, no experiments, no torture. Just sharing mirth, an opportunity to eat and even have a conversation without devastating consequences.

If all that could be true, Loki didn’t even want the presents which were intended for him.

Had he truly no joyful memory of a festivity on Asgard? He remembered Thor and his friends laughing, smiles lighting their faces and eyes, but why did it feel like they were laughing at him, and not with him? Why did every shrap of a memory where someone showed mirth in his presence evoked a feeling of being mocked?

Thor who ridiculed him for his insufficient ability to fight.

A scolding from his father after he had shown something he was proud of.

The look of disappointment on his mother’s face after he had created a minor spell for the first time.

Discomfort akin to pain in his upper arm demanded attention and Loki pulled himself back to the present. He was shaking and discovered Clint had grabbed his arm, digging his fingers into his flesh a little too harsh.

“Hey, you with me?” Clint asked, sounding urgent and worried.

Loki roughly pulled his arm free of the grasp and with a raspy voice he said, “I am well.”

He could feel the superficial relief in Clint’s aura, but the other wasn’t reassured. And jokingly he said, “You really are a good liar.”

Loki forced a smile on his face. “So I have been told.”

“Let’s head back inside. I bet Tony’s eating himself up because he hasn’t opened a single present. Guy is as impatient as a child.”

“Is he even sober enough to notice?” Loki deadpanned, drawing a chuckle from Clint.

“He is.”

The remainder of the evening went by without much incident. All the Avengers (but mostly Bruce) had made clear that they well understood why Loki hated the festivity. Yet, they still asked him to trust them and assured him nothing bad was going to happen. But they also fully understood if he wanted to leave.

Loki had agreed to stay, taking another leap of faith. He wondered how many leaps of faith he could take before it would come back around.

At least he felt less anxious and he managed to eat something, albeit it wasn’t much.

He received some useful presents - some of which probably looked beautiful as well, judging by the patterns he could feel on the dagger’s handle he had gotten from Natasha.

They didn’t ask him to tell another story, and when the presents were unwrapped he even dared a small conversation with Steve.

Still, he left the festivity early (he wasn’t the only one as Bucky took the opportunity his departure created to leave as well) because he was tired. Definitely not a lie.

Now as he was thinking about the evening whilst lying on his bed, Loki found that it hadn't been that bad or displeasing. One might even say he had slightly enjoyed himself.

***

It was the day after Christmas and Loki had been reading the entire day. Yesterday he had been gifted another book by Tony and the topic was interesting enough to devour the words hours on end.

Contrary to the past weeks, today nobody had come to ask him if he needed anything. Bucky had come by twice to almost literally dump food on his table and leave again. He was obviously in a sour mood, and as far as Loki could pinpoint the auras of the other residents of the building, some of them were dealing with the aftereffects of the eggnog and punch.

Loki didn’t mind and time trickled by without him actually noticing.

“Loki, dinner is ready.” J.A.R.V.I.S. announced, breaking the silence.

Even though the Humans brought him his every meal, every so often J.A.R.V.I.S. alerted him when dinner was ready - a request for him to join the Avengers. Never once had he accepted the invitation, and out of habit was about to decline this one as well when he suddenly changed his mind.

Yesterday evening hadn’t been awful and maybe he should give it a try.

It wasn’t a celebration, but Loki didn’t feel like he could join looking like he did, and thus he magicked something more proper for the evening.

He was still nervous. What if yesterday's affair was vastly different from what was yet to come? What if he was mistaken and this leap of faith would come back around to him?

The elevator dinged, heralding his arrival at the destined floor, and taking a deep breath to muster some courage, Loki stepped out.

His arrival in the common room was immediately noticed and Clint said happily, “Look who’s here.”

“Don’t scare him away,” said Tony, trying for airily, but miserably failing as Loki caught the weariness in voice.

Doubtingly, he stood in the doorway. This had been a stupid idea. It wasn’t too late to turn around and run back to his cell.

“Loki, over here,” Clint beckoned him.

Now it was too late.

With a sigh to steady himself, Loki moved through the room until he had found the couch with the spot reserved for him. Tentatively he sat down, the fingers of his left hand fumbling with each other. He could smell the food and he knew exactly what he was going to receive as sustenance this evening. It was an old time favorite of these Humans, yet, Loki knew not why.

“Here.” Clint, who was sitting next to him, pushed a lukewarm box in his hands. “We’re having-”

“-pizza,” Loki finished for him, nodding. He dug a piece of the food out of its box and took a small bite. His appetite had faded the moment he had set foot into the room, but out of courtesy (and because he really needed sustenance) he ate.

He could feel how Bruce settled his attention on him and not soon thereafter he asked, “How did you know?”

Loki’s brows furrowed. Wasn’t it obvious? “I can smell it.”

“Yeah, how does that work?” Sam asked. “I’ve seen you walking around and training with Nat, you never walk into anything. How do you do that? The seeing without seeing? You’re still blind, right?”

Still nibbling on his slice of pizza, Loki thoughtfully nodded. How was he ever going to explain this to these non-magic users? And Humans on top of that! Did he even want to explain? It felt slightly intrusive. Yet, he could feel they were genuinely interested and not out to mock him.

“I ah-” he began, trying to find the right words. “I am able to detect your aura, therefore I know where you are. The same can be applied to inanimate objects.”

“So you can see us?” Clint asked.

Loki shook his head. “No, I am able to see your energy, not-”

“So my soul?”

“An interesting theory,” Loki replied, his interest piqued at the prospect of a philosophical conversation. “I do not know if it is your soul or just energy from your existence. Many have speculated about this question, yet none have come to a conclusion because nobody has ever seen a soul. Therefore-” he got interrupted, again, by Clint and he felt his eye twitch with irritation.

“So you have no clue what I look like?”

Thus far an intelligent conversation…

“Slightly,” he answered, irritated. “I am able to detect you are wearing fabrics and have two knives in your boots, yet, what color any of those are I know not.” He could feel Clint blanch and Loki dryly added, “I can also detect you are feeling shocked.”

“So you can basically read the energy of almost everything,” asked Steve, “and with that information you know where something or someone is, what it is or how they feel, and whatnot, on top of highly honed senses?”

Finally someone who understood it! “Yes,” Loki confirmed. “To an extent where I can hear an insect outside and am aware of every person inside this building and outside of it.”

This time it was Tony who blanched and he asked with a wavering voice, “Hear and feel everything?”

But Loki hardly heard him, his brows furrowing. When he had made the statement he could sense everything in and outside of the building, he had subconsciously done so, and he felt something in the air outside. Not a weather element, but the anticipated atmosphere of-

Suddenly, the windows around them shattered with an ear deafening sound. The air filled itself with sounds of more glass breaking, weapons firing, furniture crashing and people shouting. One voice - from whom Loki didn’t know it belonged to - could be heard over all the noise and it filled him to the brim with fear and hatred.

“HYDRA!”

---

Next Chapter

A/N: I thrive on comments <3

#Loki #Loki laufeyson #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki whump #loki angst #the avengers #avengers fanfic #loki is a mess

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hanniiesuckle17 · 4 years

Text

Home.

A/n: sometimes I wish what I write could come true... I really just wanted to write this for myself

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: maybe cussing idk, I wrote this off the top of my head

Genre: Angst, romance

❁

Tears fell onto my sheets. There was a pounding in my head that felt like a thunderstorm was passing through my brain. I scrolled through my contact list. They wouldn’t pick up. She was out of town. I could barely get small talk out of him let alone talk to him about this at midnight.

My mother had long gone to bed after our fight, but I was still awake. This was our tenth fight this week and it was only Wednesday. I laid back in bed and wiped the hot tears from my cheeks. It was a hopeless endeavor as they were replaced with new ones soon after.

Only one other person came to mind. Someone who might still be up. Willing, to give just about anything a shot at this point, I grabbed a jacket and umbrella and quietly snuck out into the hallway. I wanted to be anywhere, but home.

It wasn’t that far a walk, but the rain made the journey even more somber than it already was. When I got there I saw all the building's lights were off. Sighing, I leaned against the concrete fence watching the rain fall off my umbrella. Maybe I could call him? The phone rang twice before a deep voice answered.

“Y/n? What’s up, baby?”

I tried to keep my voice steady. I wasn’t about to just let him know I was crying. “Hi,” I said, sniffing from the cold. “Um...are you home by chance?” My hands were starting to shake from the cold and my nerves.

“No, not yet. Why? What’s up?”

“Oh. Uh-...Nothing. Nevermind. I’m fine. It’s stupid.”

“It doesn’t sound like something stupid,” He said over the phone. Hearing his voice was making me feel a little better. The tears had magically stopped falling as soon as he picked up the phone. “Where are you? I’ll come get you.”

I shook my head as if he was really there. “No! It’s fine. Don’t come get me,” I pushed myself off the wall and started walking back in the direction of my house. “I’m at home.”

“Really? Because it looks like you are standing outside my dorm.”

I looked up to see Jisung walking toward me, bundled up in a coat and a bucket hat, his phone pressed to his ear. He gave me a small smile and hung up the phone. There was no point in leaving now, so I stayed put, while Jisung ran through the rain to get under my umbrella.

“What’s wrong, baby?” He asked cupping my cheek. I shrugged and looked down at my feet. This really was stupid. I should have just stayed home. Jisung was probably way too exhausted to talk to me anyway. “Tell me what’s wrong.” Jisung wrapped and arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

“I just got in another fight with my mom that’s all. It’s fine. Nothing to whine about.”

“Oh, Y/n. I’m so sorry. You wanna talk about it?” He asked softly, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear.

“It’s just...not everything can be my fault you know,” I said, feeling tears well up. “It’s not all on me. I’m not the bad guy, right? I’m an adult, I can make my own choices. She can’t treat me like a child and then yell at me for not acting like an adult when that’s all I’m trying to do. I’m just tired, Jisung. I’m exhausted. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling trapped. I hate feeling alone. I hate that I’m used to this. I hate that I expect it. But, most of all...I hate that I expect it and am too much a coward to do anything about it.”

Jisung pulled me into his chest and let me cry on his shoulder. We just stood there, on the sidewalk at almost one o’clock in the morning. “Y/n...I-”

“No, it’s fine. I’m really sorry. I know I sound like a whiny bitch.”

“Hey,” He said pulling my focus back to him. He had a stern but caring look in his eyes. “Fine is a dirty four-letter word that starts with ‘f’. Don’t use and don’t fucking settle for it. Ever.”

My lip trembled and I felt more tears fall down my face. His thumb gently swiped across my cheek, wiping the tears away. I nodded to him, letting him know I understood. “Thank you, Ji. Sorry, I know it’s-”

“Stop. Don’t ever apologize to me for something you can’t control.”

“Sorry. It’s a habit of mine.”

“Stop.”

“Sorr-...okay.”

I listened to his heartbeat, the sound calming me immensely. Jisung whispered how much he loved me as he held me in his arms, the rain still falling down over my umbrella. His fingers threaded through my hair and my breaths slowed until I was calm again.

“I don’t want to go back home,” I whispered, holding tightly onto his jacket.

“I know, baby.” He placed a long kiss to my forehead, before resting his head on top of mine. “Do you remember what I always say?” I nodded, wrapping my arms around his waist, feeling safe and happy with him.

“This too, shall pass.”

He nodded and stroked my hair, kissing the top of my head. I had never felt more at home than I did with Jisung. Even in the middle of the street. “I’ll let you borrow my mantra.”

“That’s very kind of you, Ji.”

“Okay. Let me walk you home, baby.”

I nodded, pulling away from him. Jisung took my hand and carried the umbrella for me, covering us both. He turned in the opposite direction of his dorm and walked me home, making sure I was okay before he sent me back.

“You call me first. I’ll come get you.” He called before I opened the door. I nodded and blew him a kiss before entering what I used to call ‘home’. Then I watched through the window as my home walked back through the rain.

❁

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warren-lauren · 3 years

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Lessons in love... 80′s!Professor Brian May x Student!reader pt 4

Christmas with your family was thankfully over quickly without much arguing with your parents. Obviously, there was some, there is every year. Your dad thought you weren't good enough to become anything worth all this education, you should be married, your mother was at your age, was one his favourite sayings along with, you'll only give up at some point so just save yourself and me, some time and money.

The cold winter winds blew around you, blowing your coat and scarf as you walked down the streets of London. As much as you 'loved' your family, you were happy to be back... Home. You had a new life at college, living with Lucy, a place you felt accepted.

You were about to walk up to the library's entrance when you slipped on a patch of ice and nearly fell flat on your arse.

"Careful!" A pair of long arms wrapped around you before you could fall.

"Oh, fuck," You clutched hold of your saviour's arms, frightened of falling.

"Y/N?" You looked up to meet a familiar pair of hazel eyes. Your body betraying the mantra in your head. Never happened. Forget. "Bloody hell, are you okay, love?"

"I- uh, I, yes, thank you, Professor Ma-" Your brow creased as Brian began chuckling as he straightened you up onto both feet. "Why are you laughing?" You snapped a little.

Brian shook his head, his curls bouncing a little as he did. "I think you of all people can call me, Brian, love." He smiled, wrapping his coat around him a little tighter.

You glared up at him. "I don't think it's wise, do you? If I call you, Brian, then how am I supposed to forget what happened, like you said we had to." You raised your eyebrow.

Brian nodded, a heavy sigh passing his lips. "Fair enough," Brian cleared his throat. "Uh, good Christmas?"

You shrugged, looking down your feet. "As good as it could have been. You?"

Brian hummed, "What are you doing here then? Shouldn't you be off having fun in the snow?"

You shook your head with a smile, "As you saw, I don't really get on well with winter." You chuckle. "I've come to do some research. I've been struggling to understand something, so thought I'd come here for some extra studying whilst I had some spare time."

Brian nodded, "If you've got no objections, I could always help. It is my job after all." He smiled warmly at you.

You blushed a little, "Do you think it's appropriate?"

"What? A professor going into a library with a student to study, it might just be a little bit appropriate." He chuckled making you blush even more and look away from him.

"Okay," You nodded with a thankful smile. "That would be great... Brian."

Brian's lips curled up at the corners and then nodded, turning around. "Shall we?"

You nodded and quickly scurried ahead of him. Your head was a mix of emotions and right now all you wanted to do was get inside and try to remember what you were there to study.

----------

With Brian's help your little physics problem seemed easy to understand, and what you thought would take hours only took one, so why were you still sat in the same spot a couple of hours later.

"I don't blame you for not wanting to spend any longer there." Brian shook his head in disbelief after listening to your story about your parents. "I for one, think you're doing exceptionally well, and you're going to go on to do great things." He smiled at you making you blush and look down to your hands.

"Oh, hmm, thank you."

Brian nodded, tapping his long fingers on top of the table. "Uhm, so, do you know what you want, to do after college? Or are you still unsure?"

You let out a soft sigh, "Well, something to do with medicine... I think. That's what I've been studying for anyway."

Brian nodded with a small smile. "So, you want to become a Doctor?"

You shrugged, "I'm not sure, actually. Lucy thinks I should be a nurse." You rolled your eyes playfully.

"I think you'd look good as a nurse," Brian said without thinking. He quickly sat up and cleared his throat. "I mean, I can see you, doing that because, you're so, lovely, and-" Brian sighed at himself as you showed your amusement with a giggle.

You liked seeing him like this, blushing and a mumbling mess instead of the stern, so sure of himself 'professor'.

"I get what you mean." You reassured him with a smile.

Brian let out a short huff. "I'm glad one of us does." He cracked a smile making you giggle.

"What are your plans for New Year's Eve? Are 'the band' playing a 'gig'?" You used air quotes as you grinned cheekily at him making Brian laugh.

"Fortunately not, wouldn't want to ruin the start of anyone's new year." He joked. "Freddie's throwing one of his famous parties that I have to attend." He rolled his eyes dramatically. "What about you, love? Out partying with your friends?"

You shook your head. "Not this year. Lucy has a date with the boy she took home before Christmas, so I'll be spending it on my own in front of the TV."

Brian frowned slightly. The thought of you being alone caused something in him to do... something. "Oh, that doesn't sound much fun."

You shrugged, "It'll be fine."

Brian nodded with a soft sigh and rubbed his forehead. "I don't think I'll be able to enjoy myself knowing you're all alone."

"I'll be fine." You smiled at him. "Most likely won't even make it to midnight." You let out a sigh. "What an exciting life I live." You joked making Brian laugh.

There was another silence between the two of you before Brian cleared his throat and looked up to meet your gaze. "What if I said I might have an idea?" He gave you a devilish smile, filling your stomach with nerves and excited butterflies.

----------

This had to be by far the stupidest thing you've ever done. Your leg bounced nervously in the footwell as you looked out of the passenger's window, worrying about what you were about to do.

"Hey," Brian reached over and placed his hand over yours that was tapping your knee repeatedly. He took his eyes off the road to briefly look at you and smiled. "What did we say? Hmm?"

"No need to worry, I won't know anyone." You nodded as you recited his words from earlier.

Brian had suggested that you go to Freddie's party with him as his date. You were shocked by his casual attitude towards the whole situation.

"There's absolutely no way in hell, you will know anyone there."

And of course, he was right, but it was still a bad idea. He was your professor for crying out loud.

"Well, yeah, but we've already shagged so-" He shrugged and grinned cheekily at you making you blush, "I promise, we'll just go as friends. I'm still technically, not your professor until next week."

You nodded at him, although he couldn't see you since he was looking back at the road. "I know no one will know me, but what if someone-"

"Y/N," Brian spoke as he pulled up outside of a house that was lit up like a Christmas tree. He turned to look at you once he'd shut the car off and smiled. "I wouldn't have suggested this if I thought there was any chance of this going wrong. We're both completely free to enjoy ourselves tonight. Besides, just friends, right?" He smiled slightly.

You nodded, feeling a little disheartened. "Friends."

Brian grinned, "C'mon,"

The two of you got out of his car. Brian quickly jogged round to your side and held his hand out for you, and you happily took it, liking the way his much larger hand surrounded yours. Then the two of you made your way into the party.

You were nervous as well because you were wearing a rather revealing dress. To stop Lucy being suspicious, you packed a bag of clothes and met Brian in a quiet coffee shop that no one you knew went near before he took you to his to get ready for the party. He helped you pick an outfit that would be perfect for the evening, which was a strapless figure-hugging black dress that came to your knees.

"BRIAN!" Freddie bounded up to you, pulling Brian into a big hug. He pulled back and smiled at you. "And, Brian's date. Hello,"

"Hello," You blushed with a shy smile.

Brian chuckled and put his arm around your shoulders, hoping to comfort you. "This is, Y/N, Fred. Remember, from that night at the pub-"

"Of course!" Freddie cut Brian off Your friends left you." Freddie nodded. "Bastards." He huffed making you giggle. "Well, it's lovely to meet you again, darlin' and might I add, you're looking drop-dead GORGEOUS!" He took your hand and raised it in the air. "Beautiful."

"Oh, thank you." You blushed even more.

"Come. I'll introduce you to Roger and John. Brian, go get your lovely girlfriend a drink." Freddie ordered as he walked off away from Brian still holding your hand, not giving either of you chance to correct him.

You looked over your shoulder to see Brian's curls slowly disappear in the crowd.

"Deaky!" Freddie walked up to brunette with a smile, placing his hand on his shoulder to get his attention. "John, meet Y/N, Brian's date."

"Oh, hello." He smiled, holding his hand out to you. "Nice to meet you."

You smiled back, "And you."

"And this here," Freddie turned you to a blonde man beside him. "This is Roger. Roger, darlin', this is Y/N, Brian's date."

Roger's face screwed up slightly. "Where's she come from?"

Freddie rolled his eyes. "They met at that pub we played at before Christmas. That night you had to take his guitar home."

Roger's eyes widened, along with his smile. "Ah, you're the one who's knickers I found on the floor."

Your eyes widened. You'd forgotten about that. In fact, you never got those back off Brian.

"It's nice to meet you, love." Roger smiled as he took your hand in his.

You nodded, "You too."

Roger let go of your hand, looking you up and down as he did. "How in the hell did Brian manage to get you into bed?" He chuckled.

"Roger," Freddie scolded with a small smirk. "At least let the poor girl get a drink in her before you start teasing her."

Roger was about to say something in return when Brian appeared by your side with a drink for you. He looked between his friends than to you with a soft frown. "What's happened?"

You shook your head with a small laugh. "Roger was just telling me how he's had his hands on my knickers." You smirked up at him, taking the offered drink from his hand.

Brian's mouth fell open. "W-What?"

Laughter erupted from the four of you as Brian looked confused.

"Oh, I like her already, darlin'." Freddie grinned. "Why didn't you tell us you were seeing someone, Brian?"

You blushed looking up to Brian, taking a big sip of your drink as he looked from you to his friends. "Oh, um, because we're just friends, Fred."

"Friends?" Roger asked, scoffing when Brian nodded his head. "Friends who've already shagged." He smirked, sending you a wink as you blushed even more.

Brian rolled his eyes, "Yes, Roger." Brian sighed, slipping his arm around your shoulders. "C'mon, love, I'll go introduce you to some other friends." You nodded, waving a quick goodbye to the boys as Brian took you away from them.

As the night went on, you found yourself talking more and more to not only Brian but his friends too. At one point you even danced with Freddie and John. The entire time Brian kept his eye on you, mostly to make sure you were enjoying yourself and you were safe, but also because he couldn't help himself. You look so beautiful.

"Alright everyone, it's almost MIDNIGHT!" Freddie stood in front of everyone as the music was lowered and the countdown began.

"What's your new year's resolution?" You asked Brian as the two of you stood together.

Brian thought about it as he wrapped his around your waist.

Throughout the night the two of you drank and relaxed, forgetting you shouldn't be doing what you were, and let yourself just be. Your hands clasped together more and more, you pressed more and more kisses to Brian's cheek. He even pressed a kiss or two to your forehead.

"I'm going to be, a little nicer in my lectures. Let people know if they're doing well." He smiled softly down at you. "What about you, love?"

You smiled as your arm snaked around his waist. "I'm not going to be scared to go to my professor's office hours." You blushed.

Brian's brow creased, "You're scared? Why?"

You shrugged. "It's daft, really, but I thought because you were being so hard on me, that you hated me, so I didn't want to waste my time."

"I'm sorry, Y/N, that's the last thing I wanted. My door is always open to you." He smiled.

"Ready everyone?! 10... 9... 8..."

You counted down along with everyone, excited for the new year to start. As the last few numbers came along you looked up to meet Brian's gaze.

"... 2... 1... HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Brian's hand cupped your cheek as he leaned down and pressed his lips against yours to celebrate the new year. The two of you pulled back after a few seconds with matching smiles as you stared into one another's eyes.

You reached up, pulling Brian's face closer to yours so you could press a harder kiss to his lips this time. He kissed back, his arms wrapping around your body as your tongues tangled with one another. This wasn't meant to be happening but you couldn't stop it. You needed this to happen. You wanted it.

"WHEY! GO ON BRI!" Roger shouted as he walked past the two of you, causing the two of you to break your intense kiss.

Brian didn't look away from you as he reached up and cupped your face in his hands. "Are you sure?" He whispered, his eyes moving between yours and your lips, desperate to taste you again.

You nodded. "I wouldn't be here if I wasn't." You smiled up at him, making Brian grin before he leaned back in to press his lips against yours.

"Let's go home." He whispered against your mouth.

"Okay." You smiled up at him, letting him take your hand in his.

#Professor Brian May x reader smut #Brian May #brianmay #Brian Harold May #Dr. Brian May #dr brian may #professor brian may #brian may x reader smut #Brian May smut

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alpaca-writes · 3 years

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Mystics, Chapter 32

Arch becomes hired on at Mystics by the strange shopkeeper Lyrem Nomadus, and everything seems to be going well. In fact, their life nearly becomes perfection; no more bullies, better grades, and a lot less stress. Soon enough, however, Arch realizes that perhaps not everything is as perfect as it seems and that Lyrem has been hiding a very dark, and troubling secret…

Oooh I have to say I’m pretty proud of this chapter. I had to wrestle with a thousand and one plot-holes to make it work and it’s almost 2:30am but it was all worth it. Enjoy!

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Taglist: @myst-in-the-mirror & @livingforthewhump

CW: Gore, body horror, creepy whumper, swearing, there’s one bad pun this time. I lol’d about it for arguably too long.

------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO: CURTAINS

Paimon whistled an old tune through his lips as he stepped across the hall. The knives had been placed away, and in speaking with Apollo, he had come to a startling revelation about himself and his goals.

It was Arthur’s turn to be strapped down to the table and this time, it wouldn’t be in a dining hall. Before long, Paimon had the room transformed into a stage, with dining chairs to line the one and only audience row. There was no need for a large gathering. Paimon had a very limited guest list. He had sent invitations with some poorly thought puns just for the fun of it, and had no intention of being stood up. This would be a performance of a lifetime and as director, Paimon wouldn’t dare to have a single aspect go awry.

He clucked his hooves down the darkest hallway by-passing Apollo’s chamber for the one with the two sorry humans. It seemed they were cut off from a sour discussion when they heard his steps through the corridor.

“-it really shouldn’t take too much effort”-

“How would you know?” Lyrem hissed.

Paimon smiled, glad that the two prisoners were making nice with each other.

“Big plans, my boys?” he sauntered through, making eye contact with Arthur, who rolled his eyes away from the creature to avoid looking at him fully. “No? Not a fishing trip or some good old mountaineering? I hear Colorado is gorgeous this time of year.”

Paimon tapped a chain with a fingernail to produce a clinking sound near Arthur’s wrist. The chains began lowering themselves down at the behest of an invisible, magical force. The moment he had slack, Arthur wrapped a loop of chain around Paimon’s neck and pulled it taut against his forearm. He had the upper hand, and there was nothing that Paimon could do to affect him.

“Agree to let Arch out of this deal right now, you”-

Paimon grinned and vanished into a plume of black smoke. Arthur stumbled from the release of pressure against the beast.

Paimon stalked up behind him, enjoying the little act of defiance, but he had to be stern. He wagged a finger at the human and tutted.

“You know better than that,” Paimon exclaimed. “I may not be able to hurt you with magic, but I can certainly still use it to get myself out of a sticky situation.”

He kept himself to a distance as not to get tied up twice, and glanced toward Lyrem, who seemed to be keeping to himself and was intentionally avoiding eye contact by turning his head away.

“So emotional… Don’t worry old friend, you’ll get your chance as well,” Paimon noted. He returned to Arthur with a renewed interest in his eyes. “Now, you listen. We have quite the performance ahead of us and you’re already busted up enough as it is. I don’t want to make it any worse. That’s for Arch to do.”

Arthur glanced from Paimon to his way out into the hall and then back again.

“Clear terms,” Arthur began, “Arch is given five minutes to carve out my heart, and if they fail, they are free from all bonds, any agreements, including any signed ones they had with you. And if you use even one ounce of your power to force them”-

Paimon nodded, “I don’t know why you need to specify it, Arty, truly. Arch will do splendidly and you’ll never see the light of day again. It’s a winning situation all around.”

“If you try to force them into doing anything at all,” Arthur insisted. “Then Arch is released, agreed?”

Paimon scoffed, and nodded, “Agreed! For goodness sakes, were you a lawyer in a past life? Clearly not, I think. The lawyers I know wouldn’t come to an agreement like this unless it was in writing- they’d also think of themselves first. Do you have any clue what will happen to you, Arty? What will become of you if Arch is released?”

As Paimon rambled, he tapped the shackles again, and this time with severe discipline, Arthur refrained from trying to strike at Paimon a second time. His shackles were joined now; morphed from a joint in the wall to linking together from his wrists and his ankles with hardly a sound to it.

“I don’t care what happens to me,” Arthur declared, “as long as Arch is free from you.”

“Such a sweet thing, caring about your Arch so much. I doubt that feeling will last for very much longer.” Paimon ushered Arthur forward. He was unable to teleport him anyway. The Abysmal Flame prevented Arthur from being controlled by any force placed upon him that was not physical in nature. “Move along now, we don’t have all day. Our guests will be arriving shortly.”

With a final glance to Lyrem from across the room, Arthur followed Paimon out the door and through the halls.

The hall lit itself as Paimon took his hoof-steps through, avoiding the empty souls lurking between shadowed pillars. Arthur moved slowly, feeling tired and sick from his lacking energy.

“What guests?” Arthur inquired.

“Did I not tell you earlier that it was a performance? I invited several guests to have front row seats… my uncle Hades, my half-sister, and oh, of course, your dear sister Charlotte as well.”

Arthur’s blood ran frigid. The tense, shaky breath that followed made Paimon smirk with delight.

“Ah yes, I’ll be sure she is there to watch her child to carve out the heart of her dear little brother. I couldn’t pass up that opportunity.”

“But you’re also releasing Hades? And Persephone?” Arthur asked with a puzzled look as they ascended the stairs.

“You mistake me for a fool?” Paimon challenged. “They will be bound to obeying me and my laws the moment they enter through the door I’ve created for them. Don’t think they’ll be there to do anything more than watch you suffer.”

Paimon led Arthur up to a small door that opened to the dining hall- now a stage with some seating and a table for Arthur to lie on.

Arthur stood at the head of the table as Paimon motioned for him to climb up. Shaking his head regretfully, he pulled his hand from his pocket, hoisted himself up and spun onto its surface. His chains were tapped again, and obeyed Paimon perfectly. They fastened themselves into the table until Arthur’s arms were taut to his side and his hands had just a little wiggle room near his hips.

Arthur stared up at the satyr, feeling more vulnerable than he ever did before, and watched Paimon lean over eagerly. His pointed beard draped across Arthur’s shoulder and touched the tabletop.

“This is a good look for you,” he mentioned with a deadly grin.

Feeling humble, Arthur looked away, seeing the chairs that would soon be filled with spectators; one of which would be his sister. Suddenly, he wasn’t so concerned for himself anymore.

“Don’t make Charlotte watch.”

“Hmm?”

Arthur blinked slowly, knowing that Paimon had heard him clear as day and yet pretended not to. This was all part of the fun. There was no point in repeating himself.

From the back wall, behind the chairs, a bright light glowed where three outlines stood, waiting to make their entrance.

“Ah, here they come.” Paimon smiled and offered Arthur a wink. “Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?”

--------------------------------------

Earlier,

“What are you trying to do?”

“I’m trying to create another portal.”

Lyrem sighed. Arthur’s efforts were admirable at least.

“The chains will prevent you from crossing through,” he said. “Besides, I’ve already explained to you once that the only way out of this is to go through with the deal you made”-

“I’m not trying to make a portal for me,” Arthur spoke exasperated. “I’m trying to create one for you. I know how these things go down, alright? You get into a deal with someone and then they change the rules, they raise the price because they know what you need from them. Once Arch is out of their deal, Paimon will use them against me. Arch might end up back at square one if we don’t have a significant amount of leverage.”

“Life as a junkie has certainly prepared you for this moment, hasn’t it?”

Arthur stared at the old man incredulously at the sudden unloading of baggage, and shook his head.

“My apologies” Lyrem corrected himself and cleared his throat. “You hope to release me, which won’t work, and then expect me to… do what?”

“Release Apollo. Find your friend Hekate… I assume you are resourceful enough to figure something out so that we can finally end this nightmare. It really shouldn’t take too much effort.”

“How would you know?” Lyrem hissed.

Falling to a sudden silence, Lyrem made a quick glance to Arthur as Paimon entered. Paimon addressed Arthur first.

Arthur was in no condition to create portals. Lyrem could see that he was in pain enough already as it was, but even so, Arthur’s eyes locked with his for the briefest of seconds when the chains became loose. Arthur had directed his eyes to Lyrem and then nodded toward his left hand.

The smallest of voids had formed behind his hand and into the metal piece that held his wrist up. Before Paimon could pay any significant attention to Lyrem, Arthur had wrapped a chain around his neck and started to threaten him.

Perhaps Lyrem had misjudged Arthur’s capacity to be clever, but it was still only one small portal; a gap in space and time where his wrist could pass through. It wasn’t quite enough to set Lyrem free; not yet, anyhow. Lyrem took the distraction as an opportunity to recite a mantra respecting the sacred geometry; one that would hopefully allow him to multiply one portal into four.

“Ek mein do, do mein chaar,” he whispered. The power flowed through him like water; out of earshot from Paimon, who hadn’t even realized that Lyrem was reciting ancient magic that no one had any claim over.

“So emotional… Don’t worry old friend, you’ll get your chance as well.”

Lyrem ignored Paimon’s words, still concentrating on himself instead. Soon, the other two exited the room, and Lyrem recited his words one final time before falling completely forward onto his hands and knees.

“Even as a dead man, I still feel pain,” he muttered bitterly. “How is that fair?”

He grunted, lifting himself to his feet and turned around, noticing the shackles were still intact and the voids still existing on their metal cuffs. In a spark of light, the four voids collapsed into themselves and left nothing behind.

“Must learn how to do that one day…” Remembering the task at hand, he rubbed his hands together and made his way through to the hall. “Now, to find our… leverage.”

Paimon and Arthur were gone from the hall, and it was left in darkness. The decrepit beings that roamed the halls there ignored him as he followed the corridor down to where he knew Apollo would be kept as a prisoner. The light still poured from beneath, leaking out into the hall. Lyrem took a quick glance from side to side and opened the door.

Lyrem forced himself forward towards the Sun God with his eyes squinting through the brightness. The light dimmed as the god awoke, exhausted from his half-brother’s brief visit. Lyrem started on one of the shackles holding Apollo in place around a wrist but realized soon that they were clearly the same as the ones he had only just escaped from, one room over and wouldn’t be able to get through them without help.

“Shit,” Lyrem muttered. Apollo did not look surprised or like he cared.

“Controlled by Pan, for Pan, I’m afraid,” he managed. “Did you, a silly little mortal, really believe that you could release me? There was a good reason why I sent that call through to you. I wanted to reach Persephone, or Hades.

You are useless.”

Lyrem backed off from Apollo, put on edge from the insulting remark.

“I’ll have you know I contained a great amount of magical prowess before I met your brother! Now, help me find a way to release you before”-

Apollo chuckled tiredly.

“What? What is so funny?”

“You,” Apollo answered. “You are a fool! The reason I am here at all is because Pan convinced you to tear out your father’s heart. I couldn’t give him what he wanted when I lost. I bet on the wrong horse’s conscience, didn’t I? And now, you are here, trying to right all the wrong you’ve done at the behest of Pan and oh… it just makes me laugh. It’s practically poetry.”

“Well, then,” Lyrem didn’t have time to explain himself, nor should he have to at all. His life was just laid out before him once again as a used chew toy on the ground. Now Apollo was the one judging him for his decisions. Lyrem looked to Apollo’s chest that was opened and bore a golden heart, still pumping. It was the source of the light. Paimon had left the clamp on to hold the gaping wound open. Lyrem touched the metal handle, and jolted back as it was very hot- as though it had been sitting in the heat of a flame. He quickly soothed his hand, weaved a protection spell through his fingers and promptly tried a second time. He gripped it, loosened the bar, and pulled.

Apollo screamed. The release of his wound was more painful than either of them had expected it to be. Lyrem tossed the metal bar to the ground and raised a brow. The light faded more and more as the wound healed over in record time.

“How was that?” Lyrem sniffed, wiping the golden blood off of his hands and onto his pant leg. “Was that a good enough deed for you? Or should I have torn your heart out for fun? Believe it or not, I am capable of making rational decisions- even those where my dear dad was involved. If you had known him, you’d have ripped him apart too.”

Apollo had no choice but to listen to Lyrem as his body recovered quite painfully.

“Maria once told me that I was too passionate- too emotional for her. I tried to rectify that, in order to please her, to please Pan, and everyone else I had come across in life thinking that I was always doing something wrong. But, I see now, emotional is part of who I am. Doing things out of emotion does not make me any less rational- on the contrary I believe it has made me much more productive.” Lyrem stopped speaking as Apollo met his eyes. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

The god exhaled, thankful that his chest had closed up completely. The light in the room had gone out, leaving the ambient glow of the bulbs along the wall. Lyrem stood along the ledge, searching for any portion of chain that might be weak enough to sever. There wasn’t. If Lyrem remembered correctly, Paimon had once boasted about acquiring them from Ares, the God of War and he wasn’t anything, if not particular about securing prisoners. But Ares hadn’t met Lyrem Nomadus, and Lyrem Nomadus wasn’t planning to leave Apollo chained up in the basement of the Underworld without trying a few tricks of his own. Unbound by the chains and without Paimon around to interfere, Lyrem was much handier than any god would expect. The chains began to lower, releasing slack to Apollo until his bare feet rested on the floor.

“How are you doing that?” Apollo asked. He turned his head. Lyrem hadn’t done visibly, anything to warrant the lowering chains. Their lengths clinked to the floor.

“A calming chant, a song of innocence- although…”

“What?” Apollo asked, impatient in Lyrem’s pause. The cuffs hadn’t released.

“To release you, would mean you would have to give Paimon what he was owed,” Lyrem said. “What do you owe to him?”

Apollo grunted, “he doesn’t deserve what I owe him. Not after everything he has done to our family and to me.”

Lyrem raised a brow in mild confusion, “then why stick by his side? Why play his games at all?”

“Because I care about him,” he growled back. “Like an idiot. I humored him because I felt like I had to- like I could make him better if I gave him my attention. He’s my family, and one of my closest kin. And… He’s a lost cause.”

Out of habit, Lyrem reached for his stopwatch, which had been destroyed long ago, just to see how much time had passed them by. Such an indication only told him that they would be running out of time soon enough.

Arch would be carving into Arthur at any moment now.

“What did Paimon want?”

“He wanted a Sun for his realm, the Labyrinth.”

“Give it to him.” Lyrem ordered. “And when he goes back, you will lock him in. Can you manage that?”

“Lock my brother in his own realm?” Apollo looked skeptical, but nodded. “I’ll do what I can. But truthfully, there is no guarantee”-

“And we’ll have to remove one of the Labyrinth’s inhabitants first. A little girl. Maybe a year old,” Lyrem added.

“There is a child in the Labyrinth? Why?” Concerned, Apollo watched Lyrem gulp slightly.

“I’d rather not say.” Lyrem gestured for Apollo to open a door to the Labyrinth. “But you could take her out of there, couldn’t you? And she would be… fine?”

“I believe so,” Apollo pushed his hands together in concentration, and then pulled them apart until a void grew in front of them. “Once the Sun is delivered there, I should be able to remove her quite easily.”

“Good, good…” Lyrem muttered. “Well? What are you waiting for? Give him the Su”-

They were no longer in the basement area. Instead, Lyrem was seated in a chair from the dining hall and staring out at a familiar set of faces. One was on the table, trying to speak to the shorter one standing over them with a jeweled blade; Arthur was pleading with them to listen- to hear them. But Arch was in the middle of a sweet guitar lick and couldn’t hear anything happening, even if it was only a foot or two away. They were waiting to the next song before they started their five-minute carving challenge, just as Paimon asked them to. Charlotte sat beside him on one side and beyond her, Persephone and Hades. All watched on, not paying mind to Lyrem and Apollo’s sudden arrival. Paimon found his own seat between Lyrem and Apollo and sat himself down.

He chuckled looking from one disappointed face to the other and handed each of them a pamphlet. Grinning, he patted both of them on the shoulder.

“Glad you both could make opening night.”

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thegospelaradia · 4 years

Text

The Mirror Enchantment: to banish doubt and summon self confidence.

The idea for this spell came to me via a clutch of kitchen witches I used to run around with in Kansas City. I was at a low point: depressed, eating too much, drinking too much, etc. One afternoon, my accolyte "D" and I dropped in on a light worker friend "A." She was (and is) talented in many ways, and shaking cocktails like potions was certainly one of them.

Sipping something with St. Germain and homemade bitters, vaping weed from A's whimsical little rig, and sitting with two wonderful women not yet tired of my little pity parties - I remember looking into a full length mirror with a heavy sigh.

"You're such an amazing person, Aradia. I just wish you could see yourself the way that we do," said D.

"Like a magic mirror of self confidence!" said A.

I loved the idea. I then forgot all about it, only for it to come up recently in more or less the same way.

Now, you'll have to bear with me as I haven't *actually* performed this enchantment yet. But rather than wait another 10 years to write this spell, I decided to write and share this spell while it's kicking around in my head.

SO... with no further (maybe a little further) ado, let's crack on with this enchantment.

¡Ingredientes!

A hand mirror, preferably new

A list of positive traits/affirmations

Sage, cedar, palo santo; dealer's choice

Resin incense, preferably copal

Charcoal and a censer, obvi

Rose petals, preferably pink

Rose oil

Goddess or other magic oil (optional)

Lipstick, if you wear it (optional)

Rose of Jericho water (optional)

Right! Now, as I'm writing a spell I haven't cast, we're going to stick pretty closely to my usual "enchant object" spell (remind me to post that one sometime.)

Fill a basin or bowl with clean, fresh water. Invoke Venus (or whatever love/beauty deity you work with.) As you finish your incantation, scatter the rose petals over the water. With your work finger or wand, stir the bowl deosil 9 times. Maintain a stillness of mind. If that's challenging, just try to focus on positive, self-affirming thoughts. Negative and self loathing thoughts may appear - let them go. Don't try to banish them.

Now that we've blessed our basic Venus water, it's time to set the table. You don't need an altar for this - I do a lot of my spells sat on an altar cloth spread out on the floor (make sure to sweep!)

In the center, place your censer and light the charcoal. Begin sprinkling your resin incense over the charcoal. This is a stripped down version of a fire enchantment, so without that element it is crucial to maintain focus and clarity of mind. You must remember "I am the magick. I am magick unfolding"

With the copal burning, light your candles. I have never been big on complex candle magic, but if you want to go full on - five candles in an inverted pentagram (for the self), inscribed with qualities (Beautiful, Clever, Kind) that you want to embody or reinforce. The point of this spell isn't to change who you are - just the way you see yourself. Keep that in mind as you inscribe and dress your candles in rose oil.

Light your candles. As the flames rise, draw the energy up from the Source. Close your eyes and take a moment to check in. If your headspace gets murky, focus on your breathing.

Now it's time to start the enchantment itself.

(But what is an enchantment? You consecrate or bless a ritual tool - you enchant a mundane object to make it magical and an instrument of our will.)

To review: center - censer. Five candles in an inverted pentagram, inscribed and dressed. The bowl of rose water is north, the Rose of Jericho water is west, and "smudge bundle" on your right, east of the censer.

Hold in mind your clear intention: I AM BEAUTIFUL, etc.

Begin by passing the mirror through the incense smoke. Raise the smoke in circular patterns, folding it over the mirror.

The sage/cedar/palo santo comes next. I've talked before at length about the ethics of palo santo over sage, but I'll be honest: I use both. I'm Native American but we used copal to bless and cleanse, so I have zero excuse for my secret sage habit. If you use sage or any other "smudge stick" herbs, please try and buy it from ethical (Native) sustainable source.

Do what thou will, and all.

But where I do put my foot down is on how you use sage. You can't smudge - unless you're Native and from a tradition that does - but you can at least do this: pick up your sage bundle. Pull a few leaves off. Place them in your shell (or whatever). Put your sage bundle down.

Burn the leaves you pulled out of the bundle.

For Satan's sake, please don't burn the entire fucking bundle. Please. Just don't. That's not how it's done sweetie.

Bathe the mirror in smoke. Be mindful and consciously bless the mirror with this holy smoke. Cleanse it and consecrate your mirror in the name of the Moon - or whoever you work with.

Now the fun! Take the positive statements you wrote - they should each be on their own strip - and start casting them into the bowl of rose petals. Read each slip first, feel the truth of it, believe it, repeat it like a mantra if you have to. When they move from just words to your truth, drop them into the bowl.

Using the tool of your choice (your finger works just fine) stir the bowl, repeating the statements (or an invocation, incantation, etc.) over and over until you've charged the water with your positive self image. Visualize, if you want, the water glowing bright gold.

Take the mirror into your hand (if it isn't already) and look into it - hard. Pay attention to all of your "flaws" and self doubt. Take a deep breath and blow all of that self-hating bullshit away.

Dip your fingers into the rose water. Sprinkle or toss it on the mirror. Visualize the mirror shimmering, glowing, shining. Chant a little incantation over it. Do what you need to feel the mirror has changed into a magic mirror.

Now look into it. This might take a bit of imagination or visualization but see yourself changed in the mirror. Transformed into the best version of your self.

We're going to seal the enchantment with a kiss - sort of.

You've got three choices here. As usual, whatever feels natural for you, do that. Substitutions are fine. Definitely don't rush out for lipstick if you never use it.

Anyway, to seal the enchantment, speak over the mirror:

"Magic mirror: thrice blessed be,

I pray you never lie to me,

By the power of three by three,

In you the truth I'll always see,

The flaws over which I do obsess,

In (deity)'s name I charm and bless,

This magic mirror, with a kiss."

Now, do one of the following:

Sensually put your lipstick on and kiss the mirror,

Dab a little conjure oil on your neck. Draw a heart of the same oil (rose, goddess, perfume, etc.)

Take your index finger. Stick it into your mouth. Get it nice and wet. Use it to draw a circle around the edge of the mirror. This works well if you want to draw the circle with the incantation simultaneously. (And yes, I fully stole this from Madame Satan - thanks Sabrina!). If you draw the circle as you say the incantation, go ahead and give the mirror a kiss - for symmetry.

Now, if you have water from a Rose of Jericho handy, now is the time for it. It's easy to make but you need a Rose of Jericho. If you do have it, you know it brings prosperity and longevity - it's called the immortal plant.

Hold the mirror at eye level. Dip your hand into the Rose of Jericho water. Sprinkle it over the mirror and your head. Vibrate:

"Mirror mirror, what you see

I seal it for eternity.

My rose gold beauty

This mirror holds

Safe against time

From wrinkles and folds

Mirror mirror, know my will:

I shall always be most fair."

So, if you've got a mirror, go ahead and try this out. Or fix it because honestly I just made this up on the fly. I've already got my mirror picked out, so I'll let y'all know how it turns out.

Blessings my witches!

XOXO Magus Aradia

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imagine-what-would-happen · 4 years

Text

A Little Bit of Grey (Part 2)

Hey guys! So part one has started to get a bit of love and I’m just so excited to continue this story so I decided to continue writing! I really hope you guys enjoy the story as much as I do! Also this part is basically half the length that the first one was but due to it being May the 4th, I’m deciding on posting two parts today, hopefully the second will be longer. So here goes nothing! P.s I watched The Rise of Skywalker tonight for the first time and I’m crying as I’m writing this. Send help.

Link to Part 1

Link to Part 3

Link to Masterlist

Word Count: 1.9k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was hard to keep track of time while in space... not that Kylo had much experience of living on one planet for long enough to think about the time in which the sun or suns rose and set. That was probably one thing he disliked most about the position he was in... not only being on the dark side but it was the position of being Han Solo and Leia Organa’s only heir... their son. The constant travelling between planets due to his mother’s leadership in the resistance, his father’s constant journey through space with Chewie. He would never admit it but one of his favourite memories was being hugged by Chewie as a child when his father was too busy making some deal.

Chewie wasn’t a father figure in the slightest... but he was a friend. He was the one who was there when Kylo... well when Ben needed someone to hold onto. Kylo was different... he did not need someone to hold his hand, he held himself together. He could manage more than perfectly well on his own. He didn’t need anyone; not like anyone would want to be there for him anyway.

Kylo Ren hadn’t seen the wild girl in what must have been a few days at least. It was hard after all to keep track with no sun in sight. He convinced himself that after what happened in her cell, she would be glad to be rid of him permanently, but he couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t leave his mind.

As Kylo continued his practice run through on his trial course, he could tell that he wasn’t functioning at full capacity. His swift movements were near clunky. His breathing ragged instead of timed. He saw her scared eyes everywhere as lasers shot at him, he heard her scream from the cell with every cry that his lightsaber made. His lack of focus was made obvious as he got wounded on his leg in two different spots, falling to the ground. He Force slammed the shooting droid into the wall, making it smash into several pieces in which it could not return from.

The First Order believed that if you did not get severely hurt while training, then you weren’t learning anything, thus the lasers are set to full effect, there was no option for stun. Kylo had several marks across his body from his first few times training on this ship, he promised himself he would never get another, that he was better than some dumb droid with a blaster.

He let his dark locks fall in front of his face as he bowed his leg onto his knee, his wounded leg completely laid down. He was tired of losing, of never being good enough. He especially hated asking for help, though he knew better than trying to walk on the wounded leg, and he was not about to hop all the way to his chambers. He looked over to the window that led to the corridor as a stormtrooper was passing by, he Force controlled him into going to get him whatever could suffice as a crutch. He knew he would look weak in front of everyone else, but he had no choice. Unless... unless he Force controlled his leg to be able to walk without a limp. He had no idea if that would contribute to permanent damage but he wasn’t about to wait on the floor.

He Force controlled himself up, beginning to put weight onto the damaged leg, he winced; a bolt of pain ran up his spine. This was going to be exhausting. Slowly but surely he took one step at a time using the Force for his leg, he made it to the door. This is when it was going to matter. He took a deep breath in and began walking down the illuminated and polished hallway. He tried not to shiver as he felt beads of sweat rolling down his back, licking his dried lips, he always forgot to bring water, he shook his head and nearly crumbled to the floor. He gasped, he could not lose focus.

Leg... Walk... Leg... Walk... This was all he repeated in his mind, his mantra all the way to his room where he could finally be freed from the pressures of being Kylo Ren. Being the most frightening person aboard.

His room’s door slid open and was quickly shut behind him, he finally began hopping, he was alone, he didn’t care. He was utterly exhausted. Being wounded, and trying to use the Force for over ten minutes straight was terrible. Kylo collapsed onto his abnormally huge bed, he hated it here.

This was his last thought before sleep overcame him, drifting him away from everything he knew... everything he despised.

Screaming, he could not get away from it. It surrounded him, obliterating him and reviving him with a scared gasp of his own breath. He was surrounded by darkness, all he wanted was to see something, see someone. He grasped for anything around him but it was all empty... empty darkness. It was his worst fear. He truly was alone now. He tried to reach for his lightsaber but it was nowhere near, it was gone. He reached down into his boot for his blade, it was always there. No one knew of it... no one, except her. She stepped out of the shadows holding his blade. He nearly sighed in relief to see her, her hand out stretched for him to take his blade. He looked into her eyes, as he tried to reach for it, she did a sweeping motion, holding the blade tight and slicing right across his already permanent scar across his face. Another slice across his upper arm. He hissed and retreated a few steps. He rose his hand to take control of her but the Force wasn’t with him, he truly was alone. He couldn’t see the girl anymore, but then a heat rose from the bottom of his spine, slicing all the way up, he could feel a piece of his locks becoming cut from the motion.

He bolted up, awake finally, the remanent of his scream leaving his lips, his dried lips. He bit them as he felt the pain from his leg finally reach him. He flipped on the light switch next to his bed. With a low moan, they all flickered on, he could see that he had violently kicked all his blankets off his bed, at some point he must have thrown his pillow across the room. He could feel both the dried sweat on himself and the newly formed from the nightmare.

He ran his fingers across his face, following the trail of the scar from bottom to top, he had to get the girl off his mind. If staying away from her meant this for him, he had to go see her immediately. He slowly pressed himself off his mattress, a mixture of hopping and limping as he made his way to the shower to clear his mind of the horrors that terrorized him.

He breathed in the steam around him, it both calmed him and put him on his toes. The steam felt good on his skin, he could nearly relish in all the heat, but yet he always feared that there was something or someone just passed the fog that he could not see, whatever it was, it was after him. He shook the ideas away. Get cleaned up, find a way to get to the girl without limping in front of the whole First Order.

Kylo could not last in the unease much longer, he stepped out, wrapping a towel around himself he held himself on anything available as he maneuvered across his room to his radio. He knew how he was going to see her.

The commander wanted to pace, he needed to pace, he was not sure of what he was doing. In truth, he was never sure of anything he did, but he did it either through the pressures of his own rage and emotions, or pressures from Snoke. There was no time for the Kylo Ren to second guess or even doubt himself. He sat on his desk’s chair, without realizing it, he had slowly begun spinning himself around as he got lost in his thoughts. It wasn’t until he heard a knock at his door that his breath got caught on its way out.

“Com- eherm... come in” he tried to state in a commanding tone but he sounded so off, he rolled his eyes at himself. He was getting worse by the day.

His chamber doors hissed open and there stood, with furrowed brows and arms crossed, the girl. The stormtrooper practically threw her into the room. “Commander, shall I stay to make sure the scum doesn’t get out of line?”

“No need, you’re relieved of your duties here,” Kylo stated, barely batting an eye at the uniformed man. The girl did not stand awkwardly in his room, she stood with confidence. The same look of confidence that stated that she would kill him. He was glad, at least he thought so, he wasn’t quite sure why he liked her in that state. Perhaps it would make her keep her distance, maybe it would make him hate her, he needed something.

The doors hissed one last time as the stormtrooper exited the chambers.

Kylo sat more upright and placed his arms on either armrest. He tilted his head to the girl. He wanted to offer her to sit, it was near instinct, but he figured he should go against it. He had still yet to figure out her name or how she even got aboard his home, he knew absolutely nothing about her except for her opinion about the rebellion, which was a strange one due to not seeming to favour the dark side either. “Why are you here?” he began.

Her eyes became pointed at him, shifting her weight to one leg, “You ordered your goon to bring me here, didn’t you? I can’t believe I let you out. This is such an upgrade from the cell.” She rolled her eyes, scoffing and looking away.

Seriously? We were back to this? Kylo began to push himself up to stand but then second-guessed himself. He shouldn’t show that he was weak, she would definitely try to kill him then. He took a deep breath, “I don’t care what you think, I asked you a question. You can either help yourself and answer me or I could pull through on the threat I made to you back in the cell. I can get whatever I want.” His eyes locked on hers. He didn’t mean a word of it. He didn’t want to Force her into doing anything. In the cell he did not mean it as a threat, he meant it as reassurance. He didn’t want her to be scared of him, he wasn’t even sure if he would be able to use the Force on her with how drained he was.

She searched his eyes, perhaps she was trying to figure out if he was telling the truth. One thing Kylo had always been good at was his bluffing face, he did have an uncontrollable rage within him, but he had an even more stubborn side, he would not break.

Two words were all that were whispered in that room.

“Try me.”

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hannie-dul-set · 5 years

Text

(thirteen times) i love you— 05

— wherein y/n (a hopeless romantic) seems to fall in love with nearly ever guy she meets. so, she writes letters for them to compensate. these letters weren't meant for them to read, but what happens when they all end up receiving them?

05 // you put flowers to shame

word count: 1.9k

a/n: hnnn yn is dumb and a mood

next part will be on July 23rd, 8:00PM EST!

<<prev | next>>

masterlist

The walk towards the garden went at an agonizingly slow pace. You were supposed to meet Joshua there according to Seungcheol (whom arranged the meeting without your consent— the male is gonna receive a beating from you later, for sure). To say you were ready to face Joshua would be a gigantic lie, but you can't back out now.

"I swear to god, the next time I see Seungcheol's face— he's gonna fucking get it." You continually muttered, passing through the hallways filled with numerous students. You could see a few weird looks thrown at your direction, causing your mood to sink down even further. Try being in my place for a day, will you?

A faint buzzing interrupts your incessant curses. Pulling out your phone, you let out a groan.

[seungcheol: psst hey hey

seungcheol: joshua's already there hehehe]

[you: 🖕]

A myriad of green foliage and blossoming flowers came into view. You pause for a while, letting out a long sigh. Alright, Y/N, you can do this. Joshua is literally one of the nicest people you've ever met. If anything wrong happens— there's a well nearby. After mustering up the slightest amount of courage you could manage to conjour, you made your way to the garden's entrance.

The smell of fresh flowers drown your senses. A few feet away, you could see Joshua sitting on one of the benches, arms crossed and eyes closed. He blends perfectly with the greenery; as if he belonged in the center of a painting scenery. The air around him is nothing but serenity— your previous foul mood dissolving into thin air upon seeing the sight.

You shake your head, snapping you out of your trance. Focus, Y/N. You're here to retrieve your letter, not to gawk at this devastatingly pretty boy without his consent no matter how tempting it could be— there's always a time for that. Focus.

Repeating the mantra in your head, you inched towards the resting male, careful to not disturb him on your way (the rocks on the ground made it quite a difficult task). Once you've reached him, you weren't sure what to do next. You pondered whether or not to say something to wake him up. A few seconds of silence pass until you finally decided to say something, but a low groan stopped you from doing so.

"Oh, Y/N. You're here."

Well shit. Goodbye, focus.

"Um, y-yeah. Have you been waiting long?" You stammered. Dear god, why did he have to say your name with that damned morning voice— it isn't even morning for fuck's sake. Your mental scolding continued until the male managed to stifle out a response in his half-asleep state.

"Mm, not too long," Joshua placed his palm over his mouth, letting out a yawn. "C'mon. Take a seat," he scooted over to give you room to sit on the bench. Slowly, you sat beside him. Despite being seated next to the male, you refused to look at him; your focus was entirely on the purple patch of forget-me-nots in front of you. You placed your hand on your chest in the hopes of calming down your erratic heartbeat. Y/N, you dumb bitch. The letter— you're here to bring back the letter, not to bring back your buried feelings for the damned male. Absolutely not, you reminded yourself once more.

Neither of the both of you say a thing. The once peaceful air was replaced with an uncomfortable touch of awkwardness. You decided to spare a quick glance at the male. But upon turning your head towards him, you were met by a pair of eyes as well. A flush of pink covers your cheeks at the sudden eye-contact and you instantly turned away. You could hear a slient cough coming from beside you and the sound of him shuffling in his seat.

Y/N, go say something, for god's sake.

You bit your bottom lip, thinking of the proper words to say to break the chilling silence.

"So, about the letter—"

"About the letter you sent—"

You slap your hand over your mouth, preventing you from saying anything any further. You cheeks began to flare a bright red even more. A small smile forms on Joshua's face as he lets out a gentle laugh from the exchange. "You go first."

Holy shit—. You mentally smacked yourself. Keep it together, Y/N.

"Um well," you bit the inside of your mouth, raising your head to look at the male (which was a really bad idea). He stared down at you, the corners of his mouth slightly lifted upwards and his eyes filled with nothing but a soft glint of attentiveness. In short, he almost murdered you with that stare.

You stifled out a cough, trying to get yourself back on track. "Actually, Joshua. That letter was written like, four years ago."

"I had a feeling it wasn't recent," Joshua smiled, his attention turning towards a nearby rose bush. "Your way of words in the letter seemed different from how you currently write."

"How—how would you know?" you gaped, eyes widening from the males remark. Joshua lets out a chuckle, still not facing you.

"Well, you are in the school paper. I read your works, sometimes," he hummed. He gives you a side glance, mouth still in the form a sweet, gentle smile. "It's hard not to, you know."

This guy is really out to kill me.

You wanted to punch yourself, but you couldn't do that without looking like some sort of weirdo in front of the male. Lightly slapping yourself in the face (without Joshua seeing, of course), you made yourself recall what you came here for.

"A-anyways. If you don't mind, Joshua, I'd like to have to letter back," you sputtered out. "Everything written there is all in the past so you don't have to worry about anything— I, uh, I don't like you anymore. At least not it that way."

Joshua remains silent for a while, pressing his lips together tightly. His expression is unreadable and you started to grow anxious by each passing second, staring at the male with an evident nervous look in your gaze. Did I say something wrong?

"Ah, is that so?" he spoke out and you nodded in response. Joshua hummed and reached for his pocket, pulling out the familiar yellow envelope. "Here," he handed it over to you, a slight smile plastered on his face, causing one to bloom on yours as well. You slowly took the item from his hand and held it tightly, giving him a grateful look.

"Thank you so much, Joshua."

"It's not a problem."

The male gave you a close-eyed grin, sending a surge of warmth all throughout your body. Time to yeet out of here, Y/N. Dont give into the devil's tempation.

You readied yourself to stand up and to take your leave, but a sudden but firm grip on your wrist prevented you from doing so.

"Y/N—," a flustered look shrouds Joshua's face and he immediately lets go of you. "Sorry, my bad," he scratches the crook of his neck and bashfully looks away from your direction.

"It's fine, Josh. Is there something on your mind?" you inquired, raising your brow at the male. He hesitantly opens his mouth but closes it once again. Your mouth forms into a slight frown. You don't know what was going inside the male's head, but as far as you've known him, he's always hesitated in doing things for his own self-satisfaction— he's always done what the people want, even at his own expense.

"Joshua," the male snaps out of his trance upon hearing the sound of your voice. "You don't have to be afraid to tell me anything— whatever it is, I'll listen."

Surprised at your sentiment, Joshua's eyes widen. He then trails his attention to the ground, taking in a long and deep breath. Slowly, he pulls his head up, eyes taking you in entirely.

"Y/N, if you don't mind," he pauses for a while, one of his hands playing with his sleeve. "I hope this won't be the last time that we talk to each other— of course, unless if you don't want to."

Joshua's eyes scan your face for any sign of discomfort and seems to relax just the slightest bit when he sees none. You weren't gonna lie— you nearly passed out because holy shit is he asking to my friend that's so adorable fuck. You breathed deeply, trying to calm your racing heart (courtesy of Mr. Hong Jisoo) and Joshua patiently waited for your response, anxiousness evident in his features.

"I'd like that, Josh," you tell the male, eyes gleaming and mouth smiling. Clearly, Joshua didn't expext that to be your answer. He was taken aback at first, but that changed almost immediately. Eyes formed into small crescents and the corners of his lips turned upwards, Joshua's blooming expression nearly puts the dozens of flowers in the garden to shame.

The sun was starting to set, giving everything a beautiful, orange warmth— and making Joshua look even more breath taking than before (in your defense, you could still admire people without harboring feelings for them, duh).

"It's getting late, isn't it?" Joshua mused, eliciting a soft hum from you in response. "Shall we get going?"

You gave him a quick nod and started to head over to the garden's exit with the male trailing behind you. You took your time taking each step, admiring the numerous blooms that are present in every corner (and maybe because you wanted to stay with the male a little longer, but you'd never admit that). Distracted by the gigantic patch of sunflowers on your left, you didn't notice a rather big rock right in front of you.

In short— you tripped.

You let out a high-pitched yelp, closing your eyes and waiting for the painful impact to come— but it didn't. Rather than being pulled straight into the bumpy ground, you were somehow pulled away from it, and with a faint thud, your head landed on a smooth and hard chest.

"Y/N are— are you alright?" Joshua questions, worry evident in his tone. You opened your eyes, raising your head to see the male who was only inches away. His hands landed on your shoulders, gripping you with a firm yet gentle hold. A light flush of pink spreads on your face and you scrambled away from the male.

"I—I'm fine, Josh, thank you" you coughed out.

"Are you sure?" he asks once more, brows furrowing with concern. "Do you want to go the infirmary?"

Infirmary? You nearly choked. Memories of last times mishaps surfaced inside your mind. The nurse pretty much hates you now, and going in with the same fucking guy you were literally hiding from would end up being absolutely awkward to the point that you could literally drown yourself in the awkwardness— that's not something you'd like to experience (you've had enough, thank you very much).

"No!" you exclaimed, surprising the male a little bit so you immediately toned yourself down. "I—I mean— it's not like I'm hurt or anything and it's all thanks to you, Josh. You were there to catch me on time so I didn't end up slamming into the ground or anything."

Joshua remains silent for a while, his eyes focused on you. You could feel your blush resurfacing and you averted your eyes from the male. He let out a sigh and spoke, ruffling your hair in the process.

"If you say so."

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darkmindsthinktwistedthoughts · 5 years

Text

Denying Desire

Next up... @nyktoon-in-otomeland

Kennyo / historical / #12 / fluff

#12: Honey, I’m good – Andy Grammer

WARNING: One bothersome friend

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Denying Desire

When the message came, he had been sitting in a long-forgotten hunter’s hut in the forest sheltering from the elements for the night. A knock on its rotting wood frame had him reaching for his staff before opening the door. The metal rings chimed in the silence reminding him of the past whilst reassuring him of the present.

The door creaked on its rusted joints and a silent figure handed him a small scroll. No words had passed between them and as soon as the stranger had completed their delivery they seemed to melt into the trees and vanished. Becoming just another moving shadow in the darkness surrounding him.

Standing in the street looking up at the unassuming building in front of him he couldn’t help but sigh. The carefree atmosphere of the day he had spent in town amongst the unsuspecting town's inhabitants was gone. Drifting away like the trapped heat in the earth under his feet as it was kissed by the chilled caress of nightfall.

“I always thought you would end up spending your final days in a place such as this but I had hoped as a friend you would see the error of your ways and be proved wrong.” Kennyo spoke softly to the wind before taking a few steps inside the building and meeting the proprietress.

“Good Evening. Can I help you?” a smiling middle-aged woman in an elaborately designed kimono spoke from behind a small counter. Various small items on display near her made it look as if it was some sort of festival stall.

“I received a message directing me here from an acquaintance.” His voice was calm and dispassionate.

“Ah! You must be the friend of that charming man we have had the pleasure of entertaining.” The proprietress’s face contorted as her eyes crinkled happily. Truth be told it made him want to recoil but he held his ground.

“If by charming you mean incorrigible then yes you are probably right. Which room might he be in?”

“Third on right. I shall let the girls know to expect another guest.” The unnerving smile didn’t leave her face as she pulled on a silk cord on the wall behind her.

“Girls?” He almost stumbled as the movement of his feet stalled along with his mind that was catching up to what he had just been told. Nothing about this sounded anyway close to what he was told in that message. Cursing his own lack of foresight when it came to how blindsided his friend made him, he continued down the hallway.

He found the room and the door slid back before he could even knock. An attractive young lady smiled up at him, her pale-yellow kimono was pushed away from her neck revealing a scandalous amount of bare flesh and the notable fact that she did not appear to be wearing a juban.

“Welcome we’ve been expecting you.” She ushered him into the room. A sickeningly sweet smell permeated the air, clawing at his nose and lungs. Music was being played from the corner of the room and a group of women were dancing at its centre. Bare legs flashed from beneath loose garments, long hair flowing free swaying with their movements. He couldn’t help but feel that this was like walking into a test of his control. He had spent many years in temple gaining his focus, maintaining his mental grip over such things. And here was his friend lounging around at the centre of it all.

“Well if it isn’t Kennyo”

“What is the meaning of this?” Kennyo made no attempt to move further into the room. The dancers stopped their movements and retreated to the walls freeing up the floor for the exchange between the two male guests.

“Is something the matter? You really shouldn’t frown so much you know it ages you.” Shingen brought his large hand to his own brow and tapped it. The women draped over him like a haori removed themselves and became very busy and focused on the removal of the empty sake bottles and plates.

“Your message said you were dying.”

“I am. I was dying to see my friend again for a drink. It’s been too long Kennyo, you know you don’t make it easy to find you?” Shingen opened his arms up in an exaggerated gesture as he acted out a show of being upset.

“Shingen. I can’t believe you summoned me like—No actually I can. I’m leaving.” Kennyo huffed and spun on his heel ready to slam open the door and leave the room. At least that was what he wanted to do but a strong grip latched onto his shoulder from behind and held him in place.

“Now, now. Don’t be so grumpy. Have a drink with me.” Shingen could move fast when he wanted too and had apparently pounced like a tiger to prevent Kennyo from leaving. His words were friendly enough but the strength in his grip showed he was serious about not letting the other man leave just yet.

“I have no desire to remain in this establishment surrounded by your trained distractions and risk my own life.”

“When did you get to be such a wet blanket? You never used to be like this you know?” Shingen chuckled sending the musicians and dancers away with a lordly sweep of his hand and beckoned a couple of his haori girls from before back to his side to pour for them. “You really think I would poison you?”

“These are dark times we live in. A friend can easily become an enemy as much as a family member can.”

“True. I cannot deny the logic in that but I also cannot say it doesn’t hurt to think that my oldest and dearest friend would think that I would stoop that low.”

They drank in near silence for a while. The girls in the room eventually left in an effort to find more profitable ways of spending their evening. Now alone with the gentle warming embrace of the alcohol taking effect the austere Monk found himself changing.

“Sorry.” Kennyo reluctantly accepted the sake cup and muttered his apology. He was willing to blame the alcohol for what he was feeling but he also knew it was probably also part of a small nagging idea that he might at some point also hurt his dear friend.

“Do my ears deceive me? You never apologise. Have all those mantras you’ve been muttering since sitting down finally taken their toll on your mind? Or maybe it was something more basic but no less divine.”

“What are you babbling about now?” Kennyo set down his cup content to not have another drink for the time being. It was dangerous enough to be around Shingen Takeda sober but drunk? He might as well be signing his own confession.

“A little bird tells me you found something in the market earlier today.” Shingen had that all-knowing smirk on his face.

“You find lots of things in the market that is rather the point.” Kennyo answered the enquiry appearing bored.

“Ah yes but you don’t always find a Goddess. Certainly not one that smiles as sweetly to men such as us as she would at an innocent child or animal. Someone so guileless… what else could you call her but a Goddess?”

This was the real reason he had been summoned and really didn’t wish to be sucked into one of the Tiger’s traps. And yet he found his lightly intoxicated mind wandering back to the market. How he had bumped into the unlucky girl that had been claimed by the devil king. He had marvelled at her ability to remain untainted by Oda and his men.

He had seen her several times since their fated encounter in the woods at the burning temple. He had distrusted her and felt angry at her ability to lie and act so innocent. That was until he realised none of it was an act. She was nothing more than a normal girl trapped in an extraordinary circumstance and Gods help him if he didn’t find him mind wandering down that path of desire the closer, he got to her. She made him feel things he thought he had cast aside in his pursuit for revenge. She made him feel like a man again, a good man.

“… an angel.” The words slipped past his lips before he could catch them.

“What was that?” Shingen’s smile grew. His eyes flashed clearly enjoying watching whatever emotions were playing out on the monk’s face as he reminisced.

“Nothing. I think this sake is getting to me.” Kennyo was aware he was not being completely honest but he was more willing to blame the alcohol than to admit to anything further.

“Say what you like but you are only lying to yourself you know? For all that higher calling spiel you spout you are ignoring your own heart.” Shingen spoke like he was giving lessons to a vassal, pouring himself another cup of sake.

“What is that supposed to mean? I have no need for such things. My only desire is to see Nobunaga Oda die by my hand.” Kennyo’s voice rose in agitation.

“Are you sure about that? Seems to me you still have some desires left that extend further than that.”

“I’ve had enough I really am leaving.” Rising to his feet he straightened out his robes and made for the door. This time he was not stopped and managed to make it into the hall.

“Have it your way. Send the girls back in on your way out would you?” Shingen called out from behind him through the open door.

“I shall have no hand in assisting you in the continued corruption of the women here. you want them, summon them yourself.”

The night air was even more chilled against his alcohol flushed skin as he walked the street to return to the path that would take him to the cabin. It was late but there were still some people moving around the town. His mind was still swaying back and forth in a daze between the market that morning and the area as it was now when the image of the girl lined up and matched perfectly with the silhouette of a figure moving in front of him.

She was walking in the direction of the castle. The sky blue kimono she wore seemed to pick up the dim lighting as she moved past the lanterns and it gave her a glow that looked heavenly. A clattering sound broke the spell he was under and he noticed she was crouched down attempting to pick up something from the floor. His stride naturally lengthened and he was by her side in seconds, his hand reaching out to help her gather up the fallen contents from her coin purse.

“Oh!” Her head snapped up and looked at him her clear doe eyes riveted him in place.

“It is rather late for a lady to be walking the streets without a chaperone.” He spoke hoping his voice didn’t sound as harsh as he thought it did.

“I was delivering a commission and got talked into staying to have a cup of tea. Before I knew it, it had gotten dark.” She stood back up and glanced around a little looking all the world like one of the woodland creatures he saw on his travels.

“Ah yes I remember you did say you were a seamstress. Still, it is dangerous to be walking around at night.” Kennyo nodded collecting the last of the coins and holding them out to her. She cupped her hands to receive them.

“Thank you for your concern. Erm…” Her eyes wavered for a moment after looking at his before glancing off to the side. Her small hands were gripping the coins so tight he was a little worried she would hurt herself.

“Yes?”

“Thank you for helping me. I was actually just thinking I should try to get something to eat before I return as I’ve most likely missed a meal now. Would you care to join me?” Her voice was quiet and kind. That familiar soft expression she seemed to have made his heart give a hard thump in his chest.

“You wish to eat with a demon?” He queried raising his brow quizzically. She knew who he was, knew what he was doing and still was able to ask such a thing? The words from earlier ran through his mind. Who else but a Goddess would smile upon a man such as him?

“Well you keep telling me I live with a devil I can’t see eating with you would be a bad thing.” Her attempt at humour caused her to laugh, a sound that shattered his resistance.

“You really are the most…” His words trailed off as his black eyes took in every inch of the young woman before him in complete wonder.

“Yes?” She inclined her head. Her hair tumbled over her nape with the motion and he found his fingers twitched with a desire to reach out and push it back. He clenched his traitorous hand on his staff pushing that thought aside.

“Nothing. I shall join you and then walk you back to the castle as far as I can go.”

“Yay! Ok then let’s go I got the perfect place in mind.”

If he thought her expression was light before it was positively blinding in the darkness now. She was like a spirit, taking him by the hand and leading him happily along to an alley where tea houses operated late into the night. He wasn’t certain how long he was going to be able to keep up the act of suppressing what he felt. But he was certain of one thing that night. He was in the presence of one of the most bothersome girls he’d ever met, and he didn’t mind that in the slightest.

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ruthandliamgoplaces · 5 years

Text

Last two weeks in Nepal!

Our last two weeks have flown by, and I am writing this in the air on flight number one to Oman. The next blog entry shall tell tales of our time in Pokhara, a yoga retreat, and then, similar to my fate in Portugal last year - the Great Malaise- I got ill for the last 5 days of our trip!

Back in Civilisation- Pokhara.

After the Annapurna Circuit we spent two nights in Pokhara, a large city located on a picturesque lake with a beautiful bustling and colourful tourist area. Pokhara, busier with tourists than Kathmandu, is the hub for most of the trekking industry and the majority of people stay here before and after their treks. It therefore has lots of amenities to please the tourists, and is awash with hostels, swanky (by Nepal standards) hotels and spa resorts. There are loads of eateries and coffee shops, some restaurants even do pretty spot on Western food and there is a KFC and a Baskin and Robbins! There are also quite a few bars. In this Westernised bubble, many tourists don’t bother to respect the local Nepali cultural customs of modest clothes, and lots of bum cheeks are falling out of short shorts, or biceps peeping out of vests.

After 40 days of the same menus (fried bread, fried rice, fried potato or fried omelette, with fried cabbage, fried onion or fried carrot), we got stuck in immediately to eating different food! Well, not immediately. As usual in Nepal, nothing quite goes to plan. The hotel we had booked had been overbooked... so we had to be moved to a different hotel... as usual in Nepal, no apology is really made for these mishaps, the proprietor just smiles your questioning face into oblivion with his magical spell of “no problem!”. It was a problem, as the hotel we were moved to was not as good as the one we booked, but we still had to pay the price of the original hotel.... ah well. We were so tired, it mattered little. On the plus, we were reunited with our bag (yay!) and spoiled ourselves by wearing some different clothes! Also, we were moved to the hotel we had actually booked the following day, and got to enjoy the luxury! The manager had at least given us the best room to compensate for the night before, and we had a beautiful balcony and amazing views.

We passed two happy days in Pokhara, drinking wine and cocktails, and browsing the many shops selling souvenirs and clothes, and replaced some of our tatty clothes. We also bought some clothes for yoga, as we had decided to go to a retreat for a week!

On the third day we moved to Begnas Tal Yoga retreat, and I took with me about 40 mosquito bites on my feet, acquired from the carefree cocktail devouring session wearing flip flops by the lake. Thank god I didn’t have to wear my walking boots again, as I am slightly allergic and the bites were hot, red, itchy and angry, and kept me unwanted company, right up until we left Begnas!

Begnas Yoga Retreat

We arrived in Begnas after a 25 minute taxi journey from Pokhara, and were greeted by a glorious lake and jungle. Begnas is a very small town, also very popular with tourists but far less developed than Pokhara. It is rural and peaceful, well... peace from traffic. On our first night I had one of the worst nights sleep I’ve had in Nepal due to a very very loud bird, whose song will forever be burned into my mind. The bird was defending its nest in a tree outside our window for the whole week we were there, by singing the same alarming song on repeat with no gaps. It was particularly loud at night, and we were glad we had ear plugs! The song always begins innocently enough, but quickly builds, increasing in volume, pitch and frequency until it sounds like a high pitched squealing menace. I honestly think the bird could be used as an instrument of torture. Everyone at the retreat joked about the bird, as we all suffered it’s pitched perils. We even prayed to it to try and ask it to move trees! Our prayers were mostly unanswered.

The retreat schedule was roughly 6.30 walking meditation, 7.00 Nasal Irrigation (!) 7.30-9.00 Yoga, 9.30 Breakfast, 11.00 Treatment, 13.00 Lunch, 15.00 Yoga Theory, 17.00 Yoga, 19.30 Dinner and 21.00 Mantra and bed. Liam and I avoided the Mantra session and opted for bed and a western media meditation such as going on our phones!

The Nasal Irrigation requires some further explanation... apparently this is commonplace in Nepal... I remain unconvinced.

First, you pour about a decent sized mug full of warm salt water through one nostril, then the other. You tilt your head so the water pours out your other nostril... or if you have a blocked nose, your mouth. Then, you use a variety of techniques to evacuate the contents of your nose, blowing snot and water noisily all over the flowers and hillsides. So much snot comes out that it’s unbelievable that you could have so much. On my first day, water kept pouring from my nose for a good hour or so afterwards! Newcomers feel embarrassed by evacuating the contents of their nose in public... but quickly this process is normalised and you begin to become excited by the contents of your nose, and share tips for removing it, admiring each other’s snot loads. Yep.

The technique is said to clear your nose.. but my nose is never blocked anyway. I embraced it whilst I was there, but secretly mourned my delicate nose mucus which I’m sure does an excellent job and I suspect that my body harbours it for a reason. I also pushed to the back of my mind thoughts of the transmission of hepatitis, as we all merrily shared nasal baths together.

The yoga was really good, and we practiced twice a day in a glorious room with 360 degree panoramic views of mountains jungle and lake. We often stopped to watch birdlife and sunsets, or views of mountains, or laugh about The Bird. The only plague was mosquitos! Oh, and the Gurus mobile phone, his 3 year old daughter, and the ladies who came to take our food orders, who often also interrupted us!

The guru at the retreat was quite the character. As with everything in Nepal, the retreat was not quite like a retreat in the UK. The guru was quite often distracted during yoga or yoga philosophy, by his daughter, or tending some business, or by wanting to tell us some tale, or speak on the phone, or manage his staff. It was a new business, and sometimes it could be slightly chaotic! Things did not really run to schedules, and you never knew what you were going to get. It really didn’t matter though, we thought it was all part of the experience. Liam and I actually quite liked the lack of structure and discipline, we were tired and happy to lay around.

Not everyone agreed though, whilst we were there, one woman left three days early, and another left on the first night, creeping away under the cover of darkness, without telling anyone! We could understand why I suppose. If you were expecting a quiet nights sleep at a retreat, then you actually got a very loud bird, and a 3 year old who screamed periodically in the night! There was also the problem of the monsoon rains which flooded all the rooms several times (we learnt to stem the tides with towels), the lack of hot water (which we didn’t mind), and one guest’s bathroom smelt very badly (ours luckily was fine!). Or maybe it could have been eating your dinner sat on the kitchen floor with the ants and gigantic spiders (again, we didn’t mind).

All that being said, we had a wonderful time. The staff were all lovely and cooked us amazing fresh food every day. Much of the food was grown in the garden or collected from local markets. We saw gangs of wild monkeys cheekily stealing the food during the day! We were treated like gods, and fed constantly!

We also had some pretty amazing treatments. I had a mud bath, which included having my boobs massaged, which was, erm, an experience. In fact, by the end of the retreat, every female member of staff had managed some close encounter with my bare boobs. And I thought Nepal was a country shy about nudity. Not when it comes to doing beauty therapies it seems! The treatments were great though, we had massages, reiki healing, a steam bath, pedicure, oil bath... and were taken out on a boat and had a lovely picnic.

After the week was up, we were given a Buddhist blessing, and I felt close to tears feeling grateful for the experience of the retreat. It wasn’t quite the retreat I expected, but I got so much more. I got to share a week with a Nepali family and some lovely staff, and live in the jungle doing yoga twice a day. We learnt so much about local culture, from arranged marriages, road financing, education, the caste system, the Nepali wars and... unfortunately I also got to learn about illness...

The Great Plague

Having managed to avoid any illness for two months, Liam and I both contracted a sickness in the last week. We were both too grateful it hadn’t happened at any point before, such as at 5000m, to be too upset. Well, emotionally upset- our tummies were very upset! Liam got ill first, and his bug lasted 24 hours. I had to go and beat him.

The day before the end of the yoga retreat, I woke up and evacuated the contents of my stomach... and did so about 60 times that day, out of both ends. It was just litres of water coming out. Of course I googled cholera and thought it sounded the same, but Liam told me I was being a bit dramatic. Which it turns out, I probably was. Probably!

The illness was with me for four days, getting slowly better. But, it caused a great deal of concern as we had a plane to catch, and I wasn’t going anywhere considering I couldn’t even make the en-suite bathroom sometimes never mind go roaming in the wilds away from a room.

Never have I been more humiliated than to poo myself whilst we had an en-suite bathroom. And not just once. Four times.

Luckily, we had travel insurance and they had a telephone GP service. I sought some advice and the GP was hopeful my symptoms suggested a virus which would clear up in time for the plane (not cholera, after all, then). And she was right. Didn’t stop me spending the last 4 days of my holiday in bed though. I moved from the bed at the yoga retreat to a very nice hotel in Pokhara, and that was all I moved.

We didn’t mind too much. We had air conditioning, room service, a very comfy bed, and a TV! Liam even got to watch the football.

The end of Nepal

So, I recovered enough and now I’m in Oman airport. Our last day was spent on a bus to Kathmandu, a bus which we paid double for to have a bus with a toilet (just in case). A bus which broke down, and then we were promptly transferred to cheap bus, with no toilet (thankfully I didn’t need it) and no refund. Futhermore, the bus dropped us off on a different part of Kathmandu, so we had to pay extra on top for a taxi. But it’s ok though, the driver said “no problem”, so there was no problem. Paying double and some more to go on a bad bus. But hey, we made it!

Next stop... driving to France in a week!

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mysticqueen-bee · 5 years

Note

A fic in which (because of timy-whimy parallel universe shenanigans) Reboot Kevin meets classic continuity Kevin and they compare notes.

The young man whom weld the watch he designed (which was dubbed as the antitrix) was suddenly thrusted into a world so unfamiliar to him, he kept mindful of how everyone looked drastically different to the people where he came from. He plugged his nose to the disgusting smells of this city while passing through a crowd of tourists and local folk, from the corner of his eye he saw someone interesting and followed after them since they headed in the opposite direction of the people he passed by. He kept up easily but he had to be cautious since anything weird could be bound to happen in this world, what he thought when heading down this large corridor was that it felt awfully empty then as he reached the end to a small flight of stairs he realized this person doesn’t have a stable home like him which concerned him a little. He accidentally stepped on an empty chip bag making an audible crunch where a bellowed tone came from the owner of this abandoned place “Who’s there? Answer me if you know what’s good for you”Kevin was a bit taken back at the brash tone but understood that with the conditions of their environment they had every right to speak in that tone so he had to respond as calmly as he could “Nobody special or harmful in any way, was just a bit curious is all ” He felt that maybe it was the wrong thing to say as the owner emerged from the shadows revealing the young man who lived here. Even from a few feet away the height difference between the two intimidated him a little, and that it felt unsettling that he looked so similar to him aside from a few things when he tilted his head upwards noticing that the other kid shared the same expression on his face. “May I..ask your name?” He spoke softly in hopes to not tread on unwarranted territory“It’s Kevin Levin” The boy responded back as he crossed his arms and blinked before inquiring to his unique but ‘unwelcomed’ guest “Yours?”He almost was taken aback when this boy shared the same name as him but he couldn’t say it completely so he’d just shorten it up to not cause too much confusion since Kevin’s a popular first name anyways as he exhaled before responding back “My name is also Kevin, small world isn’t it”“Yeah I guess” He said briefly as he scratched the back of his head as he peered down at the shorter kid in front of him before sighing “I’m just going to call you Lil’ Kev to make it easier to tell us apart”He nodded since that seemed fair enough until he saw that his watch was being stared at by the other Kevin knowing that it stuck out like a sore thumb and had to speak up about it “Oh um..this is a watch that I made recently, I somehow had a dream and well I drew up what it would look like and created it. Interesting isn’t it”He raised his eyebrow at the odd but interesting news that Lil’ Kev shared to him as he bent down to his eye level “So what does it do exactly? Tell time or something more”Kevin frowned a bit as he thought about it then looked at him “I’m unsure of what it does exactly, I haven’t tried it out yet”“Want to test it out on it’s abilities? Might be fun” He said grinning as he flexed his arms Kevin put his hand under his chin rubbing it slowly thinking of the offer the other boy had mentioned to him and decided to agree “Sure why not, and hopefully I’m not prying but do you have any abilities of your own?”He was surprised but shrugged with a smile “A bit out of left field but yes I do, not that it’s a widely accepted ability” He muttered a little as he stood up and flexed his right hand letting the bright blue energy spark out of it in a furious fashionHe stared at it in utter awe at how gorgeous it looked, the sparks seemed to be dancing off his taller alternate self’s hand gloriously before responding “Woah, that’s really cool…how long have you had this power?”He lightly chuckled before telling him as he let the energy channel back into his body “Since I discovered this at a young age I believe I’ve had it ever since I was born”Kevin’s eyes shined in wonderment at the recent discovery “Wow, that’s pretty interesting, though I guess it’s something other’s might not understand as much”He sighed “Even if it has its benefits it’s pretty much a curse, it’s caused nothing but heartaches for me especially when I was kicked out of the only calm place I knew…but ever since then it’s not a calm place anymore” He closed his eyes trying to repress the painful moments before opening them again “I know others are scared of this power and were willing to physically assault me for such.. I just have to strive towards another day, if I can’t manage to keep that mantra then who will…sorry if I’m rambling I just never had someone listen to me about my troubled life before and feel comfortable mentioning it”Kevin felt bad for his other self now knowing that hardly anyone ever cared for him for who he was, he wondered how he’d react if this happened to him as he placed his hand gently on his arm “Well in a way you opened my eyes, sometimes it’s nice to have someone take the time to put you first and listen to you” ‘Even if in a way it’s listening to another facet of yourself’“You’re right Lil’ Kev, though shall we go ahead and test out our abilities then?” He asked eagerly“Sure I’m up for it, maybe it’ll work out for good practice” Kevin grinned as he followed the other’s lead out of the abandoned subway tunnel to wherever he was specifically leading them to practice their abilities and understand each other a little better. ……….. Reaching a more cluttered but remote part of the city the taller of the two Levin’s halted their feet while lifting his arm up “Well here we are, might as well give that watch of yours a go on some of these easy targets” as he pointed at the scattered objects which had a few things standing up normally “Have fun”Kevin looked at his antitrix in anticipation and carefully circled the dial and button that made it pop up and circled to the most interesting form he could spot then slammed his right palm onto it, his body was enveloped within a crimson light as his body and slowly morphed into this ‘alien’ form starting with his arms becoming rounder and pointier; his feet becoming more like stubs and the rest of his body expanding and spinning as it finished off the rest of the transformation and settling him back into the real world. He felt odd as he lifted the rounded & spiked hand feeling weirded out but then filled with adrenaline as he turned around to his awe struck alternate self whom was staring straight into his glowing blood orange eyes, he remembered what he was going to do as he let this form exhale while turning to the objects as he focused to start spinning darting straight at the scattered empty bottles and trash easily knocking them over making one of the bottles flying away while shattering from the high velocity. Once he had made his way back to a reasonable area to stop and go back to his base form he began to stumble a little on his footing, he then regained it when walking back to where they were originally standing before he transformed with a confident smile on his face “So how was that performance?”“That was actually pretty cool to see in action, though you could work on your equilibrium once you’re finished spinning about so you don’t trip and hurt yourself” He said reassuringly when patting his rounded hand “Now I’ll show you a few pointers on my abilities” He winked before flexing and firing up the energy in his hand when aiming for the right thing to hit, his eyes spotted a perfect thing to smash up and with a bit of effort he shot out a strong bolt that ricocheted at the defunct vehicle holding a broken down car as it activated and dropped the car onto a pile of junk making a satisfying sound for both boys to hear as he turned to his side with a smirk plastered on his face and his thumb pointing straight at him “Not too shabby eh, Lil’ Kev?”He’d clap but he really didn’t know how to maneuver that action with this body he’s inhabiting currently so he tried to manage a thumbs up despite lacking that appendage “Got to say it was pretty fun testing this guy out, though I can’t quite get the name even though its at the tip of my tongue”“Why not Wreckingbolt? You bolted off in a spherical form and you wrecked quite a lot of things so it fits Lil’ Kev, now I know that’s no ordinary watch you built” He spoke with an interested tone as he pointed at the insignia on his chestHe smiled at the name for this alien as the antitrix symbol began to beep turning him back to his human form “I guess you’re right about that, didn’t know it could turn me into something different” He grinned while stretching his arms and coordinating the rest of his body after that stumbling earlier. “So spitballing here but do you know of anyone named Ben?”He shrugged then responded back “There are many people with the name Ben but specifically I might when I was younger, that however probably brushed past my line of thought with the situation I was going through at the time”Kevin nodded understandingly as he tapped his fingers against his arms while he looked up and blowing at his hair then looking back at in his terms Big’ Kev sighing contently before he spoke “As weird as this day started out it was pretty fun and interesting to say in the least, it was pretty cool hanging out with you” ‘Though I would like to find a way to go back home even if I got to spend time with myself’“I could say the same thing…though your body language seems to be telling me something else entirely, something troubling you?” He asked calmly“Well I just feel out of place here, kinda feeling homesick as well” He frowned darting his eyes away rubbing his arms“I’m guessing you aren’t from around here then, don’t know necessarily where from but I can relate” He sighed as well before placing his hand on Lil’ Kev’s shoulder “I’m sure that somehow things will work out that you’ll have it where you’ll feel in place again, if there’s a will there’s a way so trust me”Kevin perked up his face after Big’ Kev’s uplifting words, somehow he’ll learn something from this experience that will benefit him in the long run before he slowly nodded “Alright, I’ll take your advice and put a positive turn on it for the time being”“Awesome, so until then let’s pass the time and get to know each other a little better Lil’ Kev” He winked and sat down on the soft ground beneath them “If that’s alright with you”His eyes gleamed as he also sat down nodding his head “That’d be real cool” he spoke happily as both started a interesting conversation about many things in their respective lives. As the sun began to set both Kevin’s got up off the ground looking at one another with acknowledgement and stories to share their experiences with many others in the distant future, with a smile both embraced one another being happy they got to share things in common despite their abrupt first meeting before noticing a gleaming portal that led to the world Lil’ Kev hailed from as he mentioned in the conversation. “Guess this is goodbye then kiddo, thank you for being a positive light that literally fell out of the sky with allowing me to speak my mind. Work on those abilities of yours until they get better and lead a happy life okay?” The taller Kevin softly spoke as he patted the top of Lil’ Kev’s hair since this might be the last time he saw a different facet of ‘himself’“Will do, try to regulate a good amount of what you can absorb in some way and you have a safe + happy life as well! You deserve it the most after everything you’ve endured” He patted him on the shoulder then walked slowly to the portal sending him home, he looked back at the other Kevin’s solemn but encouraging smile which made tears prickle and fall from his tear ducts before waving “Thank you for everything! You’re the greatest friend I ever made today and hope you are able to meet more close companions that will encourage you in your life like you encouraged me.” He yelled happily as he walked through the portal and ending up back where he was when this incident had occurred, he looked up at the fast approaching evening sky as he glanced at his watch with a smile that shone brighter than he ever had before with new interesting things to think about for the future ahead of him.‘I’ll do my best, as I asked him to pursue I should follow by that example. Thank you for being a guiding light for my future, I’ll never forget your encouraging words for as long as I live’

#ben 10 #ben 10 reboot #kevin levin #kevin 11 #parallel universe AU #I had fun making this little fic #sorry I took so long #no better friend and person to talk to than yourself #they would be good friends #my fav character #tol babu and smol babu #lil kev referring to the artstyle was a funny tidbit to add in #lil kev #big kev #here ya go anon :)

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hbprinzejr · 5 years

Text

What You Desire Most

Summary: With the youngest of their children now at Hogwarts, Harry and Ginny are looking forward to some time alone. Harry finds himself in an unexpected new relationship that threatens to tear apart everything they've built since the war.

Chapter 1: A Serpent in King’s Cross

Word count: 1,473

A/N: I've been reading fic for over 10 years and finally convinced myself that I could write it too. I'm looking forward to flexing my creativity and developing my characters and this story. I don't know if anyone will read this, but, if you do, I'd love to hear your feedback. This is currently a work in progress and I'll continue posting as it's written, so if you enjoy it pls come back for more!

Currently posted on AO3 and FF.net if you’d rather follow there.

Harry startled awake in a cold sweat, the rushing sound of Avada Kedavra still ringing in his ears. His hand instinctively made its way to his forehead, touching the scar that hadn’t ached in nearly 20 years. He rubbed his eyes as his cluttered office in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement came into focus. Or at least as much focus as he could manage before he finally managed to feel out his glasses, hidden beneath a stack of papers he had managed to knock over as he bolted upright in his chair.

He knew his promotion to Head of the Department would be a lot of responsibility, but he couldn’t remember anyone telling him that he would nearly forget what it felt like to sleep in his own bed. He took a sip of tea and immediately spat it back out. It was cold and bitter, which was not surprising considering he had poured it nearly 5 hours earlier. His head pounded as he looked up to see the clock on the wall chime three o’clock.

These days, it was hard to tell the difference between his near daily headaches and the once familiar twinge of his connection to Voldemort. He repeated his usual mantra to himself as he waved his wand and the papers on his desk rearranged themselves back into a neat stack: “He’s dead. You killed him. It’s done.” But some memories were harder to shake than others.

Harry glanced down at the only 2 pictures on his desk. Next to his mother and father, he saw himself with Ginny, James, Albus, Lily, and Teddy, all smiles and laughing. He groaned as he stood up and pulled on his traveling cloak, feeling around in the pocket for a few crumbs of floo powder. The Hogwarts Express left at precisely 11 o’clock, and he was determined to get at least a couple hours of proper sleep before it was time to make the journey to King’s Cross.

Harry’s eyes strained against the pitch black darkness of his and Ginny’s bedroom. He clumsily slipped off his robes and climbed into bed, focusing on the sound of Ginny’s breathing as he quickly drifted back to sleep. It felt like mere minutes had passed when Ginny awoke him by opening the curtains, daylight harshly filling the comfortable and well-appointed room. Harry pulled the blanket over his face.

“I must say I was rather surprised to wake up and find you in our bed this morning,” said Ginny softly. “It’s been weeks since we had a proper night together. You know, most people would find it easy to ask for some time off if their boss was their best friend.”

“Hermione already took a lot of flack for my promotion. The new Minister of Magic can’t just go around handing out favors to her friends,” Harry grunted, pulling down the blanket and covering his face with his hands. “Besides, you know her as well I as do. She’ll tell me that I should’ve known what to expect taking such an important position.”

Ginny sighed and laid down next to her husband, resting her head on his chest. “Everyone needs a break sometime, Harry. There’s no shame in asking to spend a little alone time with your wife.”

After the usual last minute scramble to pack long neglected school trunks, Harry and his family made their ways to King’s Cross Station and platform 9 ¾ where, for the first time, all three of his children would board the Hogwarts Express. It was to be a bittersweet occasion, Harry thought to himself. Although he was glad that he would no longer be filling the role of mostly absent parent, he would miss impromptu Quidditch matches with James, Albus, and Teddy and teaching Lily to fly a broom. He could not believe how quickly time seemed to be passing these days.

Through the familiar clouds of white steam billowing from the train, he saw Ron and Hermione standing in the middle of the platform saying their goodbyes to Rose and Hugo, who looked as if they couldn’t wait another minute to join their friends on the waiting train.

As the Potters moved to join them, it wasn’t difficult to hear an all too familiar scene playing out.

“But Moooom, all my friends are already on the train! I don’t see why everyone has to wait for them. They were just over for dinner last weekend!”

Rose, just like her best friend Albus, had unmistakably entered her teen years and a sappy goodbye in front of the whole school was the last thing she wanted. Ron and Hermione, apparently already expecting this, simply ignored her as they waved in response to Harry and Ginny’s efforts to get their attention and Rose tried to pretend that she wanted nothing more than to spend the next three and a half months as far from London as she could hope to get.

“Good morning, Minister,” said Ginny warmly as she moved to hug her sister-in-law. “Shall we release the prisoners?” She gave Rose a wink.

“Oh, alright. Run along. But first, I want to see your checklist. Last year you forgot half your books!” Hermione waved her wand and a too long piece of parchment flew out of Rose’s back pocket and into her other hand. She quickly skimmed the list, seeing that all of the important boxes were checked and looked at her daughter with a smile. “Looks like you’re free to go. Better hurry if you want to find an empty compartment!”

As they all said their goodbyes, Harry caught sight of another familiar face. Draco Malfoy had just stepped through the barrier, and despite his usual well-tailored appearance, Harry thought the best way to describe how he looked was…tired. Honestly, the last time he could remember Malfoy looking this bad, not that he had ever really put much thought into what Malfoy looked like, was their sixth year.

“Hey, Ron,” Harry whispered as Ginny and Hermione squinted at the train, hoping to catch one last glimpse of the kids before the train pulled out of the station. “Check it out. What’s up with Malfoy?”

“Honestly, mate, and here I thought I was the one always behind on the news.” Ron stifled a laugh. “Malfoy and his wife split up a couple months back. Rita Skeeter was all over it in the Prophet.”

“Christ sakes, are they still publishing that old hag? With her record it’s just as likely they’re planning a second honeymoon,” Harry said a little more loudly than he had wanted. “Although, I suppose it is a little weird that he just walked onto the platform by himself. Scorpius must already be on the train, it’s nearly eleven.”

Ron took another step closer to Harry and said under his breath: “That’s not all she wrote, either. Rumor on the street is that he’s, well, you know…polishing his wand with the other hand, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh, Ronald, you did always have such a way with words,” Ginny chuckled, both of the men unaware that their wives had been listening to their entire exchange.

“Either way, the rumors must be true,” Hermione added. “I overheard Blaise Zabini gossiping about it outside Madame Malkin’s just last week. Apparently, Malfoy’s been rather open about it since they split up. He’s gay, Harry.”

“Makes sense if you ask me. Always had a flare for drama, that one. And besides, it explains how he ended up with that pug-faced troll Parkinson when we were at Hogwarts. You’d had to have been a poofter to snog her, anyway,” Ron said in a way that only he could.

Harry’s thoughts trailed off. He couldn’t say that he was particularly surprised, although he wondered why Malfoy had decided to wait until after he’d been married and had a son to change his lifestyle. As the others continued gossiping, Harry realized just a moment too late that he’d been staring at Malfoy for a bit too long. The other man had noticed him and when their eyes met, Harry gave him a polite nod and turned again to face his friends.

The next day, Harry returned to his office in the Ministry to find on top of the massive daily pile of letters and interdepartmental memos a small note on what appeared to be rather fine stationary. He picked it up and saw a delicate serpent embossed in the green wax sealing the parchment. He broke the seal and read:

Potter,

I realize this is coming from out of the blue, but I never properly thanked you for what you did back at Hogwarts. I’d like to make it up to you. Meet me this Friday at the Leaky Cauldron at half-past eight and I’ll buy you a drink.

Cordially,

Draco Malfoy

#drarry #harry and draco #harry x draco #draco malfoy #draco #harry potter #harry #fanfic #harry/draco #wip

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pallabbose-blog · 3 years

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RAKUL PREET SINGH

Rakul Preet Singh (born 10 October 1990) is an Indian film actress and model who predominantly works in the Telugu and Tamil film industries. She has also appeared in a number of Hindi and Kannada movies.

Currently, she is appointed as the brand ambassador for Beti Bachao, Beti Padhao programme by Telangana State Government.

She was part of commercially successful films like Venkatadri Express (2013), Current Theega (2014), Rough (2014), Loukyam (2014), Kick 2 (2015), Sarrainodu (2016), Nannaku Prematho (2016), Dhruva (2016), Spyder (2017) and Theeran Adhigaaram Ondru (2017).

She started career as a model while in college, during which she also made her acting debut in the Kannada film Gilli (2009). In 2011 she participated in the Femina Miss India pageant, in which she was placed fifth and won five pageant titles including People’s Choice Miss Indiatimes, Pantaloons Femina Miss Fresh Face, Femina Miss Talented, Femina Miss Beautiful Smile and Femina Miss Beautiful Eyes.

She subsequently opted to become a full-time actress

In 2013 she was seen in Venkatadri Express in Telugu, the film becoming a commercial success and earning her first ever Best Actress nomination at the 61st Filmfare Awards South.

In 2014, she debuted in a starring role in Bollywood with Divya Kumar’s directorial debut Yaariyan. Rakul Preet Singh since then has then selected as the female lead in over a dozen films, some of which are high-profile Telugu films: Surender Reddy’s Kick 2 opposite Ravi Teja, Srinu Vaitla’s Bruce Lee opposite Ram Charan, Sukumar’s Nannaku Prematho opposite Jr. Ntr and Boyapati Srinu’s Sarrainodu opposite Allu Arjun. She also starred in the Telugu film titled Rarandoi Veduka Chudham directed by Kalyan Krishna starring opposite Naga Chaitanya. The movie was a huge blockbuster.

Last year, Rakul Preet Singh appeared with Ajay Devgn and Tabu in Luv Ranjan’s Bollywood romcom, De De Pyaar De, released in May 2019 and received positive reviews. Later last year, she had another release; Milap Milan Zaveri’s action drama Marjaavaan, alongside Ritesh Deshmukh and Sidharth Malhotra.

Here are some snapshots from a recent interview-

1. Can you share some glimpses of your background before everyone came to know you?

Rakul Preet- I was born and brought up in a Punjabi Army Officer’s family in New Delhi. So I am basically a Dfelhi-ite. I schooled from Army Public School, Dhaula Kuan and later studied Mathematics at Jesus and Mary College, University of Delhi. I was infact good in academics.

Q. 2. It has been almost 6–7 years since your debut in the industry. Did you ever think that things will work out like this?

Rakul Preet: I don’t consider it as five years as I took a few years off from acting to finish my graduation. My first film was more like a small guest appearance and later I was not even sure that I would continue.

But in January 2013, I finally started shooting for my first movie ‘Rough’ which also happened by chance. Of course, somewhere down the line when you start something, you see yourself doing well and I would be lying if I say no.

Q. 3. How did you bag your first movie?

Rakul Preet- My first movie was a Kannada film and it was guest appearance and after that I started getting many offers. But I was so stupid that I rejected many offers as I wanted to finish my studies first. Later I took whatever came my way.

Q. 4. You started your career with modelling and won five Beauty pageant titles including ‘Miss Femina India People’s Choice. Do you think beauty queens still have an edge over others so far as a career in films is concerned?

Rakul Preet- It always depends on the individual and the way they learn from these beauty pageants. I think this kind of training grooms you a lot and helps you in handling industry pressure. For me, it helped a lot in the way I present myself and in enhancing myself in the industry. But it is not necessary that each and every participant will succeed in the film industry.

Q.5. You were born in Delhi into a Punjabi family. How did Tollywood and other South Indian films happen?

Rakul Preet- That’s destiny I suppose. When I got my first offer for a Kannada film, I was only 18 years old and I didn’t even know how big the magnitude of the film industry of the south was. After my Kannada movie, I started getting offers for Telugu films. After Miss India, I figured out that the South has a big industry, very professional and I love to work here. But yes, I never planned to work in Tollywood… it just happened.

Q. 6. You are among few actors who learnt Telugu and now speak fluently. Was it difficult?

Rakul Preet- I have an interest in learning new languages and on the first day of the shoot, I learned the word ‘Bagunara?’ (All good?). I feel that if the industry is giving you work, you should give back a little respect. So, I decided to learn Telugu and within six months, I started speaking broken Telugu. Now of course, I speak it fluently.

Q. 7. Who is your favorite Bollywood actor and what would be your dream role?

Rakul Preet: Undoubtedly Ranveer Singh and Deepika Padukone are my favourites. A dream role would be something like Simran in DDLJ, Geet in Jab We Met and Mastani in Bajirao Mastani — the kind of roles that people will never forget.

Q. 8: Do you have a boyfriend ?

Rakul Preet: Oh, I am struggling to have a crush! There’s no guy, and first I want that to happen! (Smiles) I sometimes think, “Am I intimidating?” But I don’t think I am. Yes, a possible limitation is that I am tall, so my guy should be six feet or taller, as I must “look up” to my man. I guess ninety percent of the men thus fall short!

Q. 9: How are you planning to balance Hindi and South cinema?

Rakul Preet: I can’t plan, what’s destined will happen, and I am very instinctive. Telugu cinema is from Hyderabad, where I came from, and it gave me so much, so my loyalty is there, ditto Hindi cinema. I live one day at a time. If I like a Telugu script, I will do it. If I like a Hindi film script next, I will take that up too. Today, language is no barrier anyways.

Q. 10. What are your upcoming releases?

Rakul Preet- In Bollywood I have only one project for now, which is is ‘Simla Mirchi’, directed by Ramesh Sippy.

Q. 11. What is your success Mantra?

Rakul Preet- I feel success has no mantra or formula. You just have to give your 100% of whatever you do and everything else follows. As long as you’re happy in whatever you are doing, success will follow you.

Q.12. What is your style statement?

Rakul Preet- Its chill, very casual and clothes and make me comfortable. I hate flashy, dark colored heavy clothing.

Q.13. Any special message to your fans?

Rakul Preet- Be patient, stay safe. We are going through very testing times. But it shall pass. And try to help the poor.

Visit www.ifdainternational.com

#ifda #nagpur

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wamawamachihuahuamama · 3 years

Text

1. Favorite place to write.

On break during school or work.

2. Favorite part of writing.

The exciting, vibrant, fuzzy feeling I get when something comes out really good.

3. Least favorite part of writing.

Writer's block.

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals?

Not writing but still holding onto the someday mantra.

5. Books or authors that influenced your style the most.

I don't really know, I read a lot. Like A LOT a lot.

6. Favorite character you ever created.

Justin Gabe Leon of The Consequences of Beth. He is supposed to be like the good guy, but he is way worse than anyone realizes.

7. Favorite author.

Stephen King.

8. Favorite trope to write.

Hurt/Comfort.

9. Least favorite trope to write.

Anything with a bad ending.

10. Pick a writer to co-write a book with and tell us what you’d write about.

l'd write a story with my middle school best friend that shall not be named. Likely a romance because we both are reluctantly prone to writing them.

11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

I write like crazy and professionally for like a week and then I get busy with something else and the inspiration disperses and I only write sometimes. Like only when I get an idea or something. A lot of fanfictions to be honest.

12. How do you deal with self-doubts?

I tell myself it is in my head. Most everyone who had read my stuff thinks it has a lot of potential.

13. How do you deal with writers block?

I try to write through it. If I'm really stuck, I rewind and rewrite already written scenes until I get a further idea of what to do with it.

14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book?

Probably when I wrote a fanfiction of Soul Eater and I needed some information about some secondray characters. Most of the time i go by a write what you know mantra.

15. Where does your inspiration come from?

My inspiration comes from other writers works.

16. Where do you take your motivation from?

My motivation comes from nothing except random feelings of "what the hell am I doing with my life."

17. On average, how much writing do you get done in a day?

On average, I write very little. It's mostly whatever I have to write for class.

18. What’s your revision or rewriting process like?

I rewrite as I go. Then again at the end. Then repeat. It just keeps going.

19. First line of a WIP you’re working on.

“I was woken by the gunshots.”

20. Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on.

Amidst a dreary fog, a young woman finds herself disoriented by looming lights, becoming closer and larger by the second. Her vision glares and the few paces she could see in front of herself fade away. She blindly throws her arms out to keep upright as she continues towards her destination and, more importantly, away from the glowing orbs behind her. Just as her vision begins to return, it is enveloped in darkness again. Had the lights dispersed? She glances over her shoulder for a moment. They are still there, but smaller, and concealed by the trees. She sighs relievedly and turns back around. A cold chill rushes past her. Annoyedly, she tugs at the strings of her hoodie. The thick fabric falls over her eyes. Before she can even reach up to move it out of her view, she kicks herself in the heel. Flailing about wildly, she stumbles forward. Long blades of grass grab at her ankles.

A strangled yelp escapes her as she finally hits the ground. Her palms burn, sending worse tingling sensations up her arms until they give out completely. She fights to sit up again, flailing backward and landing on her butt. Cold rainwater soaks through her jeans. She grimaces.

Then, she gasps. Little shards of rocks cover her palms, trapped in tiny cuts. She brushes them away the best she can. Most of the pebbles fall onto her lap while others remain deeply embedded. Cursing to herself, she looks around for something to work them out with. More of the same tiny rocks surround her. They stretch far in front of her and even farther to her left. It’s a driveway.

Scrambling to her feet, she begins to dash down the road. Nothing appears in front of her or changes around her. She slows to a stop, breathing heavily. It’s too dark to tell if she is heading in the right direction. Everything is either black, gray, or disguised by scattered, glittery orbs. The lights begin to form into one, brightening the path in front of her. Not too far away is a house.

Despite how long she has been looking for it, it’s nothing extravagant. A simple trailer hidden by trees and lined by bushes. It’s hardly visible at all in fact. As she gets closer though, she notices good elements to the structure. A small porch leads up to the door, beside it is a bush, and between the two is just enough space for her to slip between.

Crouching down, she pulls dead leaves and other muck over her like a blanket. Another sickening feeling moves through her as the moist goo makes contact with her bare skin. Or maybe the twists through her gut are caused by the sound of gravel crunching under the wheels of a car. The vehicle stops and the lights go out.

A door flies open and someone steps out. He wanders cautiously towards her without shutting the door. Of course he saw her and of course he is going to be smart about confrontation. She closes her eyes and listens to him walk. Each stomp is closer than the last. Then it stops again and her eyelids turn orange.

The yellow circle from a flashlight luminates the siding above her head. It rests there for a moment before dashing across the house. It reaches the woods and turns around again, following the same path before landing on her. Their eyes meet and he drops the flashlight.

A minute passes and neither makes an effort to retrieve it. It’s all so overwhelming. He anticipated a startled racoon; or even a deer; not the cowering eyes of his highschool sweetheart. Her name and everything else he wants to say attempts to seep between his lips, but he bites down before his thoughts become verbalized. If he allows himself to say, or do anything for that matter, he’s terrified of what he would do.

The light was on them for merely a second, but that's all it took for him to recognize her and hear him. Six years should have been more than enough time for them to become strangers, but with her expression it is obvious she had no trouble identifying him as well. Picking up the flashlight and redirecting it to her, he takes in her aged form. Her hair is the same length and she bares the same expressions. Her name fights at the tip of his tongue again, the only thing he can think to say. “Beth?”

21. Post the last sentence you wrote in one of your WIP’s.

Not again, not again.

22. How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied and a project is ultimately done for you?

Yeah, haven’t figured that out yet.

23. Single or multi POV, and why?

Single, definitely single. It can get confusing and I find it to be a bit of lazy writing... don’t come after me.

24. Poetry or prose, and why?

Definitely poetry. I write a lot of it to decipher my feelings and it just sorta sounds cool.

25. Linear or non-linear, and why?

It depends on the story. I definitely have a habit of writing non-linear. I’m not the type to start with a whole bunch of background, you learn as you go just like when you meet someone.

26. Standalone or series, and why?

Standalone. I don’t like it as a reader because I want the conclusion within reach and I have a feeling a lot of my readers feel the same way. I can live with torturing with a dead character or two but I cannot make them die of anticipation.

27. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished? 28. And who do you share them with?

I used to share rough drafts with people, but now I don’t even share polished stories. I don’t want to upset people or make them worry about me or get a bad review or to have my ideas stolen and done better... yeah, they are kinda for my eyes alone.

29. Who do you write for?

I write for my future readers and for my own enjoyment.

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written.

My favorite line I have ever written has to be “Don’t let the probable be more important than the definite.”

31. Hardest character to write.

The hardest character to write is someone very positive.

32. Easiest character to write.

The easiest character to write is Madeline from The Locket.

33. Do you listen to music when you’re writing?

Sometimes. It depends on where I am when I am writing.

34. Handwritten notes or typed notes?

Handwritten. It’s more memorable based on some studies I’ve read on studying and I have an addiction to notebooks.

35. Tell some backstory details about one of your characters in your story

Bethany is the accidental baby of a successful business women who abandoned her and an abusive, alcoholic father. She pushes people away to avoid being hurt and doesn’t really want anyone around anyways. Then she befriended the new boy at school and kissed him during a spur of a moment, last minute spiteful action against her late father. An orphan, she must trust the one person who doesn’t let her push him away.

36. A spoiler for story

Peter dies at the end.

37. Most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.

“It’s not the absense of fear, it’s over coming it.” - Emma Watson.

38. Have you shared your outline of your story ________ with someone? If so, what did they think of it?

No, I’ve never shared an outline. I shared verbal ideas with my friends in middle school and “finished” stories with friends in elementary school.

39. Do you base your characters of real people or not? If so, tell us about one.

No, I don’t base my characters off of real people. I think it is wrong. It is a way to deal I’m sure, but it is also hurtful.

40. Original Fiction or Fanfiction, and why?

Both. I write fanfiction for practice and fiction as the “real deal”.

41. How many stories do you work on at one time?

I work on one and will do random little prompts in between.

42. How do you figure out your characters looks, personality, etc.

My characters are the first thing that comes to me. I don’t really know how I think of them, they mostly come from my dreams.

43. Are you an avid reader?

Yes, I read and read and read and read some more.

44. Best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

The best piece of feedback I’ve ever gotten was from my 5th grade teacher after just I started writing and finished my 1st “novel”. I still have the sticky note hanging on my wall she stuck on the inside of my notebook.

45. Worst piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

The worst piece feedback I’ve gotten is when my media teacher (I write articles) told me I’d make a good librarian because I’m organized, punctual, and love to read... but wouldn’t make it as a writer.

46. What would your story look like as a tv show or movie?

My story would definitely be a movie. It would have a cloudy, depressing filter on it like in Tim Burton films, but be live action and happy in parts.

47. Do you start with characters or plot when working on a new story?

I start with the characters. I get attached and I form the world around them.

48. Favorite genre to write in.

Realistic fiction.

49. What do you find the hardest to write in a story, the beginning, the middle or the end?

The middle of the story is the hardest to write. When I begin I know how I want to start and end and am “faking it till I make it” in the middle.

50. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had.

The weirdest story idea I’ve ever had was definitely based on some dream I’ve had. There has been a lot of odd ones, but the one I actually made into a book idea was about a dystopian family with a father who is a part of a cult who kidnaps children and chemically manipulate the brains so they appear different then they really are. Or feed them to a giant, invisible man to keep them from killing the entire cult.

51. Describe the aesthetic of your story in 5 sentences or words.

My stories are dark with a sarcastic overtone.

52. How did writing change you?

Writing has made me more sensible to myself. Like, I understand me more.

53. What does writing mean to you?

Writing is a way of living and of communication.

54. Any writing advice you want to share?

To just do it. You don’t have to do it now or for the next twenty years. Having a colorful language and huge imagination is what makes you one, not how many words you have written.

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zimagine · 7 years

Text

Misunderstanding (ft. Park Woojin)

|| PROMPT LIST || MASTER LIST || PT.2 ||

Title: Misunderstanding

Member: Park Woojin (Wanna One)

Rating: G

Warning: Angst, angst, and more (failed) angst

Prompt: #5 Someday the cold rain will become warm tears that’s falling [Downpour]

Dear Anon-nim, I apologize for the wait and I apologize if it’s not angsty enough >.< Gyaah I need to write more angst cuz I’m still a premature angst writer seriously.

But anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

Much love :*

“And what? Listen, honey, she’s just a colleague. That’s it.”

“Just a colleague? Does this ‘just a colleague’ woman know you are to wed in a couple of months when she decided to pepper herself all over you?”

“What?” He sighed. “I told you she was just getting rid of a stain on my face.”

“With her lips?”

“Honey, baby. You’re being too delusional, maybe it’s the pregnancy.” He stroked the back of your head. “Relax. Don’t you trust me?”

You whimpered in agony. Yes you trusted him. But what about that snake?

You sighed, closing your eyes as you knead the space between your brows. Maybe he was right. Maybe you were being too delusional. All these hormonal changes on your body just seemed to take your emotion to the edge.

“Then could you at least get her far away from you? Like transferring her to another department? Or branch?”

“Relax, honey.” He kissed the crown of your head, your cheeks, and then your lips as softly as ever. The kind of gesture that made you fell in love with him all over again. “And no, I can’t. She’s a valuable worker.”

With that he left, leaving you to pray that your outbursts of emotion these days were really caused by your hormonal changes, not the gut feeling of a soon-to-be mother.

Again.

Your gut feeling proved you right.

It almost took you everything you had not to storm at the lady on your man’s lap. A smile was all you gave her as you put your packed lunch on the table, and sat yourself on the sofa, legs crossed, waiting for her to leave the room.

Thank god she got the idea.

“Honey, listen.” Woojin took the empty spot next to you. “She tripped on her shoe and landed on me. That’s it.”

Well of course she did. Who in their right mind would put on a 15-cm high heels to work? Did she mistook the office for a runway? Oh wait, could she even walk the runway?

“I didn’t say anything.”

Yes in fact, you did not want to turn this lunch session into another argument, as much as you want him to give you a proper explanation. You knew him like the back of your hand. You knew he had a lot in mind as soon as you saw the little veins popping on his forehead.

“Well, you don’t look okay,” he tried cupping you cheeks to get a better look at you, but you snapped him away.

“I’m fine.” You scoffed.

He took your hands in his, “No you’re not. You have to listen. You need to stop thinking too much and getting yourself stressed out. Think of the baby. I’m telling you there’s nothing between us, okay?”

You looked at him closely, his signature snaggletooth smile was paired with a look of regret.

But that didn’t help rid your eyes off that lipstick stain behind his tux jacket, and a fresh love bite on his neck.

“Just eat your lunch, please?”

‘Umm, yeah. The one in Hongdae.’

It was Jihoon on the other side of the line, asking you to pick up your boyfriend, who was on the borderline of getting completely wasted. And that meant precarious Woojin and all of his detrimental drunken habits.

‘and uh, could you make it fast?’

You took his jacket that was sitting on the sofa after putting yours on, and quickly stopped the first taxi you saw.

“ xxXxx Club in Hongdae, please!”

You prayed nothing happened to him while you were on your way, hoping you’d get there in time, and that Jihoon and the others would take care of Woojin for you in the mean time.

As soon as the taxi stopped, you threw your bill and head straight for the entrance.

Climbing the couple flight of stairs as you held your belly with your hand, constantly whispering it’s gonna be alright to your little angel.

And finally you reached the bottom. And there he was, gulping another bottle of soju, his other hand just casually laying on that snake of a woman’s waist.

You stormed into the middle and immediately rid his hand from her waist. “Thank you for taking a really good care of my fiancé.”

The ride home was dead silent, lest for his gullible sleep talking. He must’ve been really tired and stressed out for allowing himself under the influence of alcohol.

Or so you thought, until you heard him calling her name, softly, soundly, desperately, like she was the light of his life.

You didn’t know how many days had passed since he decided the sofa in his office was the better sleeping mate than the bed in your house and your cuddles. And you’ve lost count on how many times you’ve gulped down those sleeping pills like they were candy.

Concerned, anxious, envy. They were eating you up like the ugly monsters they were, and your pregnancy did not help either.

You hadn’t talk to him since his outburst that morning when you tried to confront him about him drinking that night, and the fact that he was drinking with her.

“Why can’t you trust me for once?!”

“I trust what I see!”

“You’re seeing delusions!”

Today you decided the two of you had to talk.

For the sake of your upcoming marriage, and for the sake of the little angel in your belly, the two of you had to talk. And you had far passed your limit; you missed him. You wanted to see him. You wanted to know if he was eating his meals properly, if his recent projects allow him at least an hour of sleep.

You walked out of the elevator as soon as it rang opened, hand rubbing your belly that had begun to show its bump, whispering to the little one that the two of you were going to ‘meet daddy again!’.

You let yourself tippy toed to his office room, trying to hide how happy you were to finally meet him again.

But alas, the daddy was pinning a woman to the wall, and their lips… locked themselves as if they were meant for each other.

Your grip loosened. Your body trembled. Your packed lunch kissed the cold floor, and the two lovebirds jolted against each other, him hurriedly getting rid of the obvious stain on his lips.

“Baby, please, please. I can explain –“

You didn’t know how but your body had reacted on its own. Maybe it was your defence mechanism coming through. You were already sprinting outside. The only thing in your mind was to get away from him.

“Babe! Wait!”

Panic-stricken, you closed your eyes as you kept running. You had to run away from him. You had to run away fast. Or you fear the sudden tinge in your heart would rip your chest apart.

“NO BABE STOP!”

You couldn’t make what he said. And that was it. You felt your body lifted itself from the ground, the kind of lift that surely sent terror throughout.

You had missed the flight of stairs that were waiting behind you.

And you silently muttered your prayer, hoping that the little angel inside your belly would be stronger than the mother.

The first thing you realised was the smell of alcohol, and a couple other medicinal smells. And the fact that you had machines all over you that went beep beep every second.

The next thing you saw was Woojin’s teary eyes as he saw you open yours. And him sinking his knees to the ground almost immediately.

“Thank god. Thank god you’re okay. Thank god…”

And he kept mumbling those words like they were some kind of mantra.

“My baby…” you muttered softly, looking into his eyes.

He lifted his head and his grip on your hand became stronger. “I-I had to save you…”

Like a flash of thunder, you could’ve sworn you felt your body crumbled apart. That one sentence was enough to let you hit reality.

The fact that your little angel was what started everything. The fact that it had led you to love this man, the father of your baby, who had promised to take care of the two of you, and promised to bind you in the sacred oath of marriage.

But your little angel had chosen to leave you for a better place up there.

And that meant your story with Woojin shall end too. After all, deep down you knew he had only made his promise for the sake of the little angel. Not for you. It was never about you.

“Leave.”

“Honey,”

“Leave.”

“Honey, please –“

“I SAID LEAVE!” You roared, desperately keeping your tears from breaking.

“And this –“ you slammed the diamond glazed ring from your forefinger to the ground, “ – take it back!” You heaved out a heavy breath. “I am so sorry for taking your time to care for me and my baby! Now you’re free. Do whatever you want and never show up in front of me again!”

Brick by brick, your walls came tumbling down. You just broke down. Like the pitter patter of the rain outside that had somehow turned into a heavy downpour.

Too long had you kept it to yourself. Too long had you lie to yourself. Because the fact was, you were not okay.

You trusted him. You trusted his noble words and promises. But you got too ahead of yourself. There was never we or us. It had always been me and you. And you were just too naïve to realise that..

No.

You were too caught up in the delusions that he had the same feelings as you. That his kisses, his hugs, and his sweet words meant something. But the fact was, he just left you without further words.

And now, like a fool that you were, you wasted your tears for someone who may or may not be crying for you.

But you knew. You had to cry.

No matter how cold the rain was, the moment they hit the ground, they would’ve grab onto the heat. So someday, the cold rain will become warm tears that’s falling too. Someday, these memories of him, will eventually be wiped away like a passing downpour. Those tears that rolled down your cheeks will be the sole witness of this pain that took almost all of you to seal. As just another memory of your youth.

But in the mean time, it was alright to cry.

-tbc-

Mmmm… I’m just gonna hide myself somewhere >.< I’m sorry for any lack of angst thereof. And just generally.

But umm, should I make a part two for this? (lowkey hoping someone says yes!)

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