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espinosaurusrexex · 11 months

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The Karens of the World

BuckyBarnes x Female!Reader modern au

summary: Aunt Karen is possibly the worst person you know. So when her annual Independence Day party arrives, you try to give her as little reason to pick on you as possible. Not being single for once should cover most of the topics she complains about. So you ask your friend Bucky to play pretend.

a/n: So I tried this website @nana1000night (make sure to check out their own chats) posted about and my ideas just started overflowing. I wrote this so quick, there may be some tenses errors, but the concept was so fun, I hope you like it.

word count: 4.1k

warnings: fake dating trope, grumpy!Bucky AND protective!Bucky, bullying, a Karen (this should say it all, really), self-doubt, body dysmorphia, mentions of violence, and sooooo much fluff!

･ﾟ✫* 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ｡✭･ﾟ

↑ This movie altered my brain chemistry and also he looks so good OKAY BYE!

“Don’t do that. Don’t do that now, I really need your help,” you plead with a solid stare. But Bucky just broodily stares back at you with an unfazed expression. “Just answer the question, please.”

For a moment it seems as though he‘s squinting his eyes even more at you, trying to assess whether you are kidding or not. But you aren’t. You are in desperate need of help.

“Fine,” he finally breaks.

“Yes!” You exclaim before collecting yourself. “I mean: cool, cool... So, I’ll send you the details later and we can go from there.” You are a little nervous, but that’s what stressful situations do to you. And well, today definitely categorized as one.

“You’re a great friend, you know that, Buck? The best there is!” A desperate attempt to save the situation, but Bucky isn’t having it.

“Yeah, kid. Text me, do... whatever.” He huffs before he stands up to leave. You just wrinkle your nose at the little nickname he frequently calls you. It is stupid, but you don’t want him to call you ‘kid’. You would prefer it if he called you 'doll' or 'sweetheart' like he does all the other women. Hell, you’d even settle for your actual name, but he never calls you that.

You watch as he walks towards the door, but before he reaches it, he turns one more time just to send another annoyed look your way. Talk about being childish.

That was a week ago. And Bucky and you did, in fact, not ‘discuss the details later’. Bucky has merely stared at your messages, cursing himself for having agreed to the stupid plan you laid upon him. But he was committed to doing it anyway and the sooner it was over, the better.

You stare at your phone in silence, the simple text from Bucky making your stomach turn over and over.

I’ll be there.

He has written. And now there is no going back. Which is what you had planned, right? But Somehow, you are still nervous about the whole situation.

You stand in front of the mirror while tugging on the outfit you picked out for today. It is simple and light - perfect for a summer barbecue party. But you can’t help yourself when you look at your reflection. Your aunt Karen would have something mean to say about it anyway - she always does. And if it isn’t the lack of a partner (which is a problem you have temporarily solved for the day), it will be your body or your hair, or the way you speak, or the things you pursue in life. Karen is a textbook housewife, who has nothing to do all day but organize PTA meetings and condescend to everyone who doesn’t live up to her standards. And she has invited to her annual 4th of July party in her suburban family home in New Jersey. It wouldn’t bother you that much if meeting her wouldn’t always be connected to a huge amount of self-doubt and general mental chaos. It just bothers you that Karen makes you hate the parts about yourself you have never looked at critically before.

Your phone pings again - Bucky is here.

He just sits in the parking lot of your apartment building, his hands clenching the steering wheel tightly, and his eyes - as always - broodily staring ahead. He’s never done anything like this - He’s never pretended to be in an actual relationship. What if something goes wrong? What if they all see through this charade? Bucky wants to help you with your little ‘family problem’, as you have called it, but at the same time, he hates the situation he finds himself in because of it.

Bucky sits up straighter when he finally sees you running out of the door and towards his muddy truck. You look pretty, even if your hair is a little tousled from the small run you just did.

“Hey,” you greet with a smile after Bucky stares for a little too long. “Nice shirt.”

Bucky looks down on himself. He is wearing a striped short sleeve button-up that fits him very well, and you have to admit, that your eyes linger on the strip of skin revealed by the two undone buttons a little too long before they sway back to the window when you get inside his car. You feel your skin go up in flames at the thought of it again. Hopefully, this will all go well.

He isn't used to compliments, Bucky notes as he starts the car and backs out of the parking lot. This is just a courtesy; an easy greeting from a friend - no, actually his fake girlfriend for today - to loosen up the tension both of them feel. Bucky clears his throat while making a conscious effort to look away from the woman in his car, who makes him feel kind of... nervous all of a sudden.

The car ride is silent: no music, just the humming of the engine roaring in the background as you stare out the window and watch the trees pass by. Though when Bucky finally pulls into your aunt's neighborhood, you tense up and your hands become clammy - this feels like a really stupid idea all of a sudden.

Bucky parks the car on the street in front of your aunt’s huge house and looks at you. He raises an eyebrow upon noticing how timid you suddenly look.

Crap. Had this been your plan all along? To get him to agree to pose as your fake boyfriend, to have to face your terrible aunt?

Bucky swallows thickly when he takes in your state. “Do we really have to go in?” He asks still hopeful that you would just allow him to turn around again, but that obviously doesn’t happen.

“Unfortunately, we do.” You sigh after taking a deep breath to mentally prepare yourself. It shouldn’t be that hard, right? Just a little white lie to get you through the day. It will be over before you know it. “Thank you again for doing this Bucky, it really means a lot.” You smile one last time and then you get out of the car.

Bucky just watches as you walk towards the suburban home, impatiently waiting for him on the sidewalk where the driveway begins. He isn’t ready for this, but he had promised you.

❁ ❁ ❁

Your heart begins pumping in your chest when Bucky straightens up and takes your hand in his, the other hiding in his pocket. This is actually kinda nice. A squeeze of a hand then the ring of the doorbell. Two times.

“Oh, how wonderful you finally made it!” A slender woman with a blonde bob opens the door with a wide smile: Aunt Karen. “More than fashionably late, I see.” And then her eyes wander beside you where Bucky stands tall and steady with his hand still etched in yours. “Oh my, honey, is this the boyfriend you’ve been telling me about?”

Her eyes shine and for a moment it looks as though they were to pop out of her head from the way she’s gawking at Bucky. Okay, you get it, Bucky is good-looking. No need to think about breaking up your own marriage about it. Your roll your eyes before reminding yourself that you should restrain. The day has just started and you are ready to leave again.

Bucky looks at you uncomfortably, but your hand in his grounds him a little bit. He can’t make you deal with it alone anymore. He agreed to help you and this is - unfortunately - his mess as well now. God, he should remind himself to not be this stupid more often.

“Yes,” he swallows, “we are... uh... seeing each other.” Great job, that definitely didn’t sound forced. Bucky looks between you and your aunt for a moment, trying not to cringe at his own words.

You just send him an apologetic look before entering the house and let Karen pull you into a tight hug.

“Well, you have certainly gained little since the last time I saw you, I can barely fit my arms around you, honey,” Karen jokes but it hits deeper than that. “Must be that relationship weight, don’t we know it, huh?” Unbelievable, not even one minute in and she is already going at it.

You try to ignore the anxiety pooling up in your stomach as you watch Bucky squeeze aunt Karen’s hand a little too tightly. There’s nothing wrong with you, but these comments never cease to make you hate yourself a little bit.

Bucky smiles when he notices the discomfort on Karen's face after the handshake. She silently shakes her hand out and forces a bright smile, but he thinks the message came through. So, he decides against saying something just yet.

“Come on into the yard, the guests are all there!” The blonde woman rushes and leads you through the kitchen and out onto the porch from which you have a nice view of the party. There is a buffet set up, your uncle is at the grill, talking it up with his friends and the rest of the crowd is scattered across the lawn. Some people are playing corn hole and if the hostess weren’t such a pain in the ass, you could probably enjoy this party.

Luckily, Karen disappeared into the crowd once she greeted you, now there’s only Bucky and you.

“Thank God you’re here! I couldn’t stand talking to Grandpa Stan a minute longer. He’s all about his World War Two stories again.” An annoyed redhead approaches you from the side and your mood instantly lightens. You turn and see Tasha greet you with open arms and a playful smile. “You look nice!” She says upon seeing your expression and her smile quickly falters.

“Oh, no. What did she do this time?” She watches intensely, her hands squeezing your shoulders, but now that your cousin is here, there is no need to dwell in the state of depression Karen has put you in.

Bucky just stays silent as he watches you interact with the redhead. He’s trying to stay off to the side, as he doesn’t really know anyone very well. He’s not a social person, which was yet another reason why this whole thing had been a bad idea from the start, but now that he has seen why you needed a fake boyfriend, he is determined to honor his role for the day. He’d do anything to make Karen feel defeated and unsupported after what he has just witnessed. Because whether he likes it or not, you are his friend, and nobody messed with his friends like that.

A sense of protection overtakes him every time he sees Karen pass by close to the both of you, And Bucky has to restrain himself a couple too many times from laying his arm around you.

He watches people laughing and talking from afar, his face blank from expression, his hands in his pockets to keep himself from reaching out to you.

“Tasha this is Bucky.” You suddenly say and pull him closer, your arm remains around him and he is kind of glad that you officially give him permission to touch in this fake relationship. He blushes a little startled at the gesture anyway. He’s not used to it, but it's kind of nice.

“Bucky Barnes, right? Yeah, I’ve heard my mother talk about you.” Tasha says and Bucky just rolls his eyes. “And I see you’ve met her, too.” She laughs and Bucky knows she’s an ally. “I wish you good luck for today, our family is a menace.”

“Thanks.” Bucky looks over to Karen who is mingling with her guests and a wave of disgust overcomes him. “Hopefully she won’t ruin this holiday.”

“Oh, she will. You can count on it, actually. But with time you’ll learn to deal with it. We have Karen bingo cards at every event to cross off things she does or says. It’s fun if you make it fun. Don’t let her antics bother you too much. The suburbs are the only place she has something to say and she holds on to it for dear life... I pity her most of the time.” Tasha rambles on and on and Bucky takes a liking to her with every word. He smiles and so do you.

“Anyway, I gotta get Grandpa a beer but feel free to mingle, and,” Tasha turns to you as she grabs your hand for a brief moment, her eyes staring into yours intently. “Come find me if she gets too much, okay?”

You just nod at your cousin. Tasha is amazing and she always manages to calm you down after yet another unpleasant encounter with your aunt. God knows why she was cursed with such a pain of a mother, but Tasha makes the best out of it.

Bucky smiles and looks at Tasha walking away. He seems to have already relaxed with her somewhat, so he tries to take her advice and ignore Karen’s antics. Maybe this won’t be so bad.

❁ ❁ ❁

It's about 30 minutes later when you are off to talk to some other family members who haven’t seen you in a while and Bucky has decided to check out the buffet. He eats in silence, his gaze swaying over the yard - people watching. He finds comfort in it every now and then. But unfortunately, his peace isn’t lasting long.

“So Bucky, tell me. How did you and my niece meet?” Karen appears next to him and holds out a bottle of beer to him.

Bucky is a little startled but he swallows his hot dog and uses the time to come up with a story. What would you want him to say? Some romantic crap, probably, but Bucky would much rather tell her that you met at a burn-all-Karens petition downtown. Still, he can’t completely ignore his intrusive thoughts, so he simply takes the bottle and answers with a straight face as he watches Karen's expression falter.

“In prison.” Hopefully, this would shut her up.

"Oh? You are a prison guard?” She asks with intrigue, adamant that he is still the glorious man she makes him out to be, and Bucky just sends her a knowing smile.

“Something like that.”

The blonde bob shakes in his peripheral. “Well, it was only a matter of time until she would end up there.” Karen shrugs but Bucky feels anger bubbling inside him.

“What do you even mean by that?” It becomes harder to control himself now.

Your eyes move over to Bucky as you let your relative’s speech about the perfect lawn mower pass by you in a breeze. He looks slightly irritated and uncomfortable, his shoulders are tense but he’s holding up well, and Karen doesn’t seem to suspect anything. Of course she doesn’t, though, she is shallow.

“I just can't seem to believe that an attractive and interesting man such as yourself would settle for someone so... bland.” And just like that, snobbish middle-aged white women made it to the top of his blacklist.

Karen sips on her cocktail with a winning smile, she must have known how insecure she could make you with the confidence that radiated off of her right now.

The paper plate in Bucky’s hand crumbles at her words. His anger is clearly written on his features, turning solid by the second. “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

It just bursts out of him, he can’t stop it - it just feels right. How dare this bitch call you boring? You of all people and not him? The anger crawls up his neck with every second he has to spend close to your aunt and at one point he can’t take it anymore.

“Bingo!” Someone yells from the back of the yard, but Bucky just looks at Karen with his death stare.

“Your niece is the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. She’s smart and kind and courageous and so unbelievably goodhearted. You don’t know how lucky you are to have her in your life. And yet all you do is patronize her. The fact that you don’t see that is seriously pathetic. You are a grown woman, for god’s sake. I highly recommend that you fix your attitude or I won’t be responsible for what happens next,” he sneers into Karen's flabbergasted face.

The whole party has gone quiet. People have stopped talking and are all turned to look at the disturbance with the potential to bring far more entertainment than anything else that they’re doing.

You decide to intervene before something else happens. You rush towards Bucky after excusing yourself and drag him out of the yard with a solid ‘Can I talk to you, babe?’. Bucky just glares at Karen for good measure before he lets himself be led away by you. He’s tense, with his hands clenching in fists, he looks like he’s ready to strangle your aunt - as if there is a lot more at play than your feelings in his response to her.

“I swear... that woman...” He grumbles with vicious eyes, he grinds his teeth in frustration and the muscles in his jaw pop a little.

“I know, but... well, that’s just how she is.”

“How have you gone this long without knocking her over with a bat?” You need to refrain from laughing out loud at Bucky’s comment.

“I can’t change it. Punching her won’t help. But, hey,” you push a white paper into his hand and upon short inspection, he realizes it’s a bingo card. “We can make fun of it. New round just started.”

You hug him and push a quick kiss to his cheek before you step back and let him calm down a bit. Bucky has to smile at the card in his hand and he looks down to hide the small blush creeping over the heated spot on his cheek. His hand covers the place you kissed and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. When did he start feeling this way?

“Come on now. I want you to meet my Grandpa. I think you’ll get along well.”

❁ ❁ ❁

“Meet Stan, my grandfather.” You say once you reach the small circle of people that gathered around your grandfather.

“Pleased to meet you, sir. My name’s Bucky Barnes.” You watch them shake hands and Stan’s eyes brighten at the additional listener.

“Pleasure to meet you, young man. Grab yourself a beer and sit down I was just about to tell the story of how a grenade ended up going off right next to me.”

You exchange a short look with Tasha who has heard the story about as often as you have before, but when your eyes sway to Bucky, you notice the intrigue in his body language. He scrambles to sit down close to Stan with his hands folded over his knees.

“You’re telling me that you survived a grenade? A literal grenade?” Bucky’s eyebrows shoot up and it's like watching a child on Christmas Day. “You’re either tough as nails or incredibly lucky, sir.”

So, hooking Bucky up with your grandpa was a great success. He seemed to be the first person that was actually interested in Stan’s stories from the war. And while you had to not worry about Karen steering up more arguments with Bucky anymore, you watch him interact with the rest of your family with awe.

The day passes by and Bucky seems to catch a conversation with Stan every now and then. He’s interested in history and your grandfather seems like the perfect source for the answers he’s been seeking. But when the moon rises and the fireworks have died down, you decide it's time to go home.

Bucky is talking to your grandfather again when you approach him from behind. In a weird shoot of confidence, you wrap your arms around him and place a gentle kiss on his shoulder.

“Are you ready to go home?” You’re a little nervous but you don’t pull away, and Bucky is strangely content with the amount of physical contact he’s gotten today. Still, he tries to stuff the weird feelings in his chest away when he turns in your arms.

“Yeah,” he looks at you with soft eyes, “I think I’m ready to go home.” But you can’t help but think that his statement holds a little more than the answer to your question.

❁ ❁ ❁

You smile when Bucky opens the car door for you. You didn’t expect it, and it almost looks as if Bucky didn’t expect it either, but you’re not complaining. He starts the car in silence but this time, there is faint music coming from the radio. The street lights pass by the window as you look out until your apartment complex comes into view.

Once the car is parked again, you turn around to Bucky. He makes no effort to move and it doesn’t bother you at all. It’s nice in the car. Cool from the AC and Bucky’s presence is a pleasant addition to the calm the car ride home has brought to you.

“Thank you for coming with me today. I know it wasn’t exactly what you expected and I am so sorry for my family. They are a lot... I just...” You fumble with your fingers before looking back up at him again. “I don’t think I would have survived this party without you. It really means a lot.” You finally finish and it feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

Bucky is quiet for a while, thinking about what you have just said. He feels weird thinking about how many of these family gatherings you had to endure without anyone stepping up for you before, and he has the strong urge to just cradle you in his arms and protect you from all the Karens of the world - let nothing ever touch you like that again. He had seen your heart break a little today and he didn’t like it at all.

His eyes avert from the windshield when he turns to you and gazes into your eyes intently. There’s a lot going on in them, but it all radiates comfort to you. And then, almost like a button has been pushed, he grabs your chin and pulls you closer, his hand running down your cheek. There’s a moment of complete standstill. Everything is zeroing in on him and then, after a beat or two, he pulls you into him and kisses you.

It's short and it's sweet but it holds more feelings than you have ever gotten from a kiss. When he pulls back, his eyes just run over your face. He doesn’t know what just happened and neither do you. It’s like a wild dream - a good one.

“What... what was that for?” Your whisper barely reaches his ears and Bucky struggles to construct a proper sentence with the way your eyes lock with his in awe.

“I... It’s... I just... couldn’t help myself,” he confesses while still shaking out of his trance. Uh oh. What if this was a mistake?

He attempts to pull away reluctantly, but you stop him. “No, no it’s fine,” you grab his hand and place it back on your face, “do it again, please.”

Bucky’s breath staggers when you say that and for a moment, he freezes completely. Is this really happening? And how is he feeling like this when he didn’t even see you this way when this day started?

The grip on his wrist is gentle, but he’s glued to you. Everything, every sense of his is pulled in your direction until you completely consume him. And he lets it happen. You haul him onto another kiss and this one is even better - more passionate, more... just more. He can’t get enough of you and he wonders how he has gone so long without it - this feeling of flying when you touch him.

Your hand grabs his shoulder and your fingers push into his tender muscles. It feels good, though and Bucky strives to have you even closer. The warmth is all-consuming but he doesn’t mind in the slightest, that the night outside his car is a hundred degrees or that just an hour ago this was all pretend. It certainly isn’t anymore.

“I really like you, Bucky. I hope my family didn’t chase you away. I know that they can be a handful sometimes, but you handled them so well and-“

“Doll,” Bucky stops you and your heart skips at the nickname. His eyes are shining in the dim light falling through the windshield, but you can still see every speck of grey in the deep blue. He’s trying to convey how he feels, but he believes it’s not enough. His nose nudges yours and then he whispers softly: “I really like you, too.”

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doomedhowell · 4 months

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'tis the damn season

Title: 'tis the damn season

Words: 2,438

Genre: AU + Fluff (coffee shop + minor bakery, grumpy x sunshine)

Summary: Dan is the coffee shop regular at the shop Phil just started working at. Phil quickly learns that Dan is a bit of a Grinch who refuses to try the shops' holiday drinks, or anything new really. Phil's determined to change Dan's mind about the holiday drinks.

Written for the @phandomgiftexchange

This fic was written for @heyitskoye! I had a lot of fun writing this fic and I really hope you like what I came up with. I came up with a coffee shop au tied in with the grumpy!dan x sunshine!phil trope which I personally love, so I hope you love it too ❤️ Happy Holidays!

[READ ON AO3]

Phil’s head snaps up as soon as he hears the doorbell ding, and smiles as soon as he sees a customer walk in through the door, the first customer he’s had in twenty minutes so he’s ready to serve. “Hi there! Welcome to The Bean Counter, how may I help you today? Would you like to try our new holiday drink?”

The man lifts his head up, a frown on his face. “You’re… new?”

Phil blinks, and he slowly nods. “Yes. I just started two days ago,” he says. “So, I guess I am new.”

“What happened to the one girl? Uh… Louise?” The brown-haired man asks. “She knows my order.”

“Afraid she’s not in today. She’s actually out of town for the weekend,” Phil explains to the customer. “But, I’m sure I'll still be able to help you. What can I get for you today? I strongly recommend-”

“I don’t want to try one of your annoying holiday drinks. I just want my coffee,”

Phil huffs, feeling himself slightly annoyed by the customer, but the quicker he makes this coffee, the quicker this customer can leave. He’s not going to let this Grinch ruin his perfectly good day. “Okay. Then what kind of coffee would you like me to make?”

“I would like an Americano,” the man grumbles, and he starts pulling out his wallet.

“That will be-”

“I know how much it is,” the man says, handing Phil a five dollar bill.

Phil stares at him for a moment, before taking the bill from him, and starts to pull out the change. “So, are you always this rude to people who make your coffee?”

“Excuse me? I’m not being rude. I just don’t have time to bother with your holiday drinks, and it is way too early in the morning to be so… chipper,” the man takes the change from Phil.

“We have a holiday drink designed after the Grinch. You should try it,” Phil says. “Name?”

“Daniel,” the man grumbles, and he crosses his arms against his chest.

Phil writes the name Daniel on the cup with a sharpie, before turning around so he can finally start making the Americano. How boring, Phil can’t help but think as he makes the drink.

Phil finally gets the coffee made, and he turns around so he can hand it to the customer. “Thank you, have a wonderful evening,”

“Unlikely,” the customer mutters before turning, and walking out of the coffee shop.

“Grinch,” Phil mutters under his breath, and he shakes his head.

“I see you’ve met the ever-so kind Dan,”

Phil looks over and sees the manager, PJ, who’s just walked out from the back. “He’s a regular?”

“Comes in every morning. He orders the same thing, and as long as I’ve known him, he’s never gotten anything but his usual.. I know I’m not supposed to tell you this, but I would recommend not recommending our holiday drinks to him. He’s never bothered to try any of them and gets grumpy when you try to recommend them to him,” PJ informs Phil.

“But, I mean, how could you not love the holiday drinks? They are the best part of the holiday season!” Phil exclaims. “And I’m saying this as a customer, not as someone who works here now.”

PJ chuckles, and he nods in agreement. “I agree. Unfortunately, not everyone agrees,”

Phil huffs once more. “I’ll get him to try one of our drinks,”

“If he comes back,” PJ says, and he shakes his head. “Anyways. Are you ready for your first break?”

“Yeah, I could use a break. Thanks PJ,” Phil says, and starts untying his apron. He gives PJ a smile before turning, and heading towards the back. He walks back to the break room, and plops down on the couch. Phil frowns as he sits there for a moment, staring at nothing, pondering over the interaction he had early with the customer, Dan, his name was. “Who hates holiday drinks?” He shakes his head.

Phil goes about his day, and eventually forgets about the Grinch who hates holiday drinks. He doesn’t think about it again until the next day, when Dan comes in at the same time.

Phil looks up, and freezes slightly when he sees the familiar brown headed man come into the shop.

Dan looks up, and seems just as disappointed to see Phil as Phil is to see him. “Oh. You again?”

“I work here. Still feeling just as Grinch as you were yesterday?” Phil asks in a calm tone, and starts getting Dan’s order up, because he made sure to remember what Dan’s coffee order was previously. Americano. It’s pretty simple to remember, and pretty easy for Phil to make. “You’ll get the Americano?”

Dan blinks as he stares at Phil. “Yes?”

“Excellent, and since you already know how much it is, you can just hand me your payment,” Phil says, unable to stop himself from smirking as he sees the surprised look on Dan’s face.

Dan stares at Phil as he hands him the money, and takes the change back from Phil. “Really? You’re not going to try and force your holiday drinks on me today?”

“Well, uh… do you want me to?” Phil asks. “Because, I can recommend some to you if you’d like me to. My favorite holiday drink is currently the peppermint mocha.”

Dan makes a disgusted face. “That sounds horrific. Peppermint mocha?”

“It’s not as bad as it sounds, y’know?” Phil says, and he turns around to start making the drink.

Dan stands there, quietly, watching as Phil easily makes his coffee drink. He’s impressed, because this is going a lot different than it was yesterday, and Phil’s not as unbearably chipper either.

Once finished, Phil turns around, and he writes the name Dan on the cup, before handing it to him. “Hope you enjoy it. I’m sure I’ll see you tomorrow morning,”

“Uh yeah. Thanks,” Dan mumbles before turning and exiting the coffee shop.

Phil grins, feeling proud of himself. No, Dan didn’t try one of their holiday drinks today, but he didn’t get all completely grumpy when Phil mentioned their Peppermint Mocha, and he was only mildly disgusted. But, Phil’s still determined to get Dan’s heart to grow three times bigger.

The next time Phil sees Dan, it’s not actually at the coffee shop. Phil’s in the local mall doing some Christmas shopping. There’s only a few weeks until Christmas and Phil needs to find his family the perfect Christmas presents for when he sees them on Christmas day.

Phil’s just gotten some hot chocolate and is about to turn to exit the bakery shop he’s in, when he bumps into someone. Luckily, he doesn’t spill his hot chocolate, because that would have been more of a disaster, and Phil would have felt extremely bad if he spilled fresh hot chocolate on a stranger.

“Oh my gosh. I’m sorry!” Phil exclaims, his eyes widening in panic.

“No worries, mate,”

Phil looks over at the man he ran into, and stops when he recognizes that it’s actually Dan. “Dan?”

The man’s head instantly snaps up, and it is indeed Dan. “Oh. I didn’t expect to see you here,” he says.

Phil lets out a soft laugh. “Yeah, I can say the same to you. Doing some Christmas shopping?”

“Yeah, kind of. My brother needed to go Christmas shopping and asked if I wanted to tag along, and I’m just grabbing things for my family if I see anything I like, so-” Dan shrugs his shoulders, and then he notices the cup in Phil’s hand. “You got hot chocolate and not your lame holiday drinks?” Dan smirks.

Phil rolls his eyes. “They are not lame. They’re delicious. Have you ever even tried one?”

“Nope, and I don’t plan to,”

“Dan! There you are!”

Dan looks over, and a younger boy runs up to him. “Adrian, I told you I was coming to the bakery,”

“Yes, but I got lost so it took me a couple extra minutes to find you,” the boy, Adrian, pouts. Dan’s brother looks over when he notices Phil standing there. “Do you know him?”

“Kind of. He works at the coffee shop I go to regularly. I told you about him,”

“Ah yes. I remember you mentioning him before, and how he dared recommend a holiday drink to you,” Adrian says, rolling his eyes, which makes Phil chuckle. “Honestly, you’re so dramatic, Dan.”

“I’m not dramatic!” Dan exclaims, and he glares at his younger brother, before looking at Phil. “Anyways. We need to get something to eat. I’ll uh, see you tomorrow morning?”

“I’m actually off tomorrow. But, I’ll be there the next day,” Phil tells him.

“Cool,” Dan says, and he clears his throat. “I’ll see you. Adrian, come on. The line is getting long.” He tugs on Adrian’s jacket, pulling him towards the line.

“So, that’s the coffee guy you have a crush on?” Phil hears Adrian say to Dan.

“Adrian!” Dan exclaims as his eyes widen in terror.

Phil can’t help but smile to himself, and quickly exits the bakery shop. He continues his Christmas shopping, but all he can think about is how Dan thinks he’s cute? He told his brother he thinks he’s cute? Of course, Phil thinks Dan is quite attractive. He can admit that, even when he thinks Dan’s a Grinch. But, Phil would have never dreamed that someone like Dan would think he’s cute.

When Phil is at work next, he can’t help but tell Louise about running into Dan.

“His brother was there, and apparently Dan thinks I’m cute!” Phil exclaims. “His brother said it.”

“You sound like a little schoolgirl who has a crush,” Louise laughs.

“Do you know how long it’s been since a boy has shown any interest in me whatsoever?” Phil asks, pouting. “Plus, a person like Dan never likes me. We’re total opposites.”

“Well, are you going to do anything about?” Louise asks, raising her eyebrows.

“I… I don’t know. Do you think I should?” Phil asks, biting his lip nervously.

“I think you should if you think you have a chance with him,” Louise says. “I mean, it would work, Phil. You would see Dan every day. I mean, as long as you don’t let a relationship get in your way of work.”

“Of course not,” Phil says, shaking his head. They both turn their heads when they hear their door bell go off, alerting them of a customer. Phil can’t help but smile as soon as he sees that it’s Dan.

“Speak of the devil. There’s your loverboy,” Louise whispers to Phil, smirking when Phil glares at him. “Have fun.” She giggles, and then she walks away.

Phil takes a deep breath, and walks over to the cash register. “So, we meet again,”

Dan looks up. “Hi,” he says.

“Come back for your usual?” Phil asks, getting ready to put Dan’s Americano into the register.

“Actually,” Dan begins, holding his hand out, stopping Phil. “I’d like to try something new today.”

Phil lifts his head up, surprised to hear this. He’s only known Dan a few days, but he knows from what PJ and Louise have told him that Dan never wants to try anything new. “Oh?”

“How about that Peppermint Mocha you were telling me about?” Dan asks.

Phil grins. “I think that would be perfect,” he says, and rings up a Peppermint Mocha for Dan. “Great. That will be five dollars and seventy five cents.”

“I’m sorry. That much for a drink?” Dan scoffs, but he gets out his money anyways. Ah, there’s the Dan that Phil knows. “Sounds a bit ridiculous if you ask me. The things I do for cute boys.”

Phil’s cheeks instantly turn bright pink, because he knows Dan is talking about him, at least he thinks, and then he takes the six dollars from Dan, and quickly hands him back his change. He looks up at Dan again. “I’ll have your drink ready in a few,” he says. He turns around and starts working on Dan’s drink.

Phil makes Dan’s drink silently, and then he turns around and hands him his drink. “Peppermint Mocha, I really hope you enjoy your drink,” he says.

Dan’s grip tightens around the drink as he stares at Phil. “Yeah. I guess we’ll see,” he mutters, before turning and starting to head out the coffee shop without saying another word.

“Phil,” someone hisses. Phil looks over and blinks when he sees Louise standing by the employees door, looking unamused. “What on Earth are you doing? Go ask that boy on a date!”

Phil’s eyes widen, and he looks over at Dan, who’s about to exit the shop. He quickly hurries around the counter. “Hey Dan!” He shouts, before running over to him.

Dan blinks and he looks up at Phil. “Yeah?”

“Are you doing anything this Saturday?”

“Uhm,” Dan begins, and a smile on his face. “I don’t have any plans at the moment.”

Phil smiles back at him. “Well, how about we go see a movie together? I’ll buy dinner after,”

“Well, how can I say no to an offer like that?” Dan asks, and he laughs softly. “I’ll see you Saturday then?”

“Saturday it is. Here,” Phil says, and he pulls out a notepad, and he writes down his phone number, and hands it to Dan. “Text me later with your details. We’ll work something out.”

Dan raises his eyebrows as he takes the paper from Phil. “Of course you have a notepad in your apron,”

Phil huffs. “Don’t judge me. It comes in handy!”

Dan laughs, and he shakes his head fondly. “Whatever you say, nerd. I have to get to work before my boss yells at me for being late again. Thanks for the drink. I’ll let you know if I hate it,” he says, and winks at Phil, before finally walking out of the coffee shop.

Phil stands there staring at nothing, stunned, for a moment, because he has an actual date. With an actual boy. For the first time in who knows how long. “Holy shit,” he whispers, and then his eyes widen. “What am I going to wear?” He turns around and looks at Louise with terrified eyes.

Louise cheers, clapping for Phil. “Don’t worry, Philip. Louise is here to help,”

Phil can’t help but sigh in relief, because thank God for Louise.

Just a couple hours later, Phil gets a text from an unknown number ‘I didn’t hate the drink x’

Maybe Dan isn’t so much of a Grinch as Phil thought he was.

#phandomgiftexchange #phanfiction #phanfic #phan #toriwrites

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rhoorl · 6 months

Text

Personal stuff under the cut

TW body image issues

TLDR: Someone asked if I was pregnant today - I'm not, I just carry my weight in my midsection. This is the spiral that ensued.

Soooo today was fun. Aside from it being kind of a crazy day at work (seriously how is it only Tuesday?!), I had a bit of a rough encounter that has stayed with me all day. Normally, I wouldn't share something like this so openly. I may end up deleting this, but writing has helped me process things before so why not do it with this, right?

Earlier today I was talking with someone at work. It was our first time meeting in person. We were making small talk before heading into our meeting and as we walked to the room she turned to me and motioned to my stomach with a smile and mouthed, "Oh my gosh, are you pregnant?" I quickly shook my head and I could tell she instantly felt terrible. I don't have any ill will towards this person, I know she didn't mean any harm by it, but it's just annoying that people feel it is ok to comment on another person's body.

This isn't the first time this has happened to me in my life and usually, my first reaction is to try and not make the other person feel bad or awkward (although there have been a few times I've clapped back). But, on the whole, I'm not one for confrontation and want to just move past it and not acknowledge it, which is what I did here. I switched the subject and she didn't say anything else about it.

This particular encounter has really stung. I've struggled with my weight my whole life and have only recently started to process how images and media from early on in my life really affected me. Like I remember being in middle school drinking Slim Fast or being in high school and substituting two meals a day for some Special K cereal.... seriously what the fuck?!

While I always struggled, I still managed to work out. When I moved to Florida I took up running and actually got pretty fit (for me). I felt strong and loved being active. It was a fun activity my husband and I would do together.

Then I got pregnant. I stayed really active during my pregnancy, heck, I was walking around Disney at eight months pregnant! I had to have an unexpected C-section which really threw my body for a loop (on top of being given a newborn and trying to figure out breastfeeding).

Anyways, it's been two years and the last two years have been hard. I've struggled on and off with some postpartum blues and just general anxiety which leaves me feeling really overwhelmed a lot of times and my physical health has taken a back seat. As a result, I have put on some weight (which adds stress, it's a never-ending cycle).

I know I'm rambling but the comment today really hit home because I know I've gained weight, I know my clothes don't fit the same (or at all), and that makes me sad. Not because I want to conform to someone else's expectations or vision. It's because I know I feel better when I'm active and I miss it.

My immediate reaction today was to do something on both ends of the spectrum related to pretty negative eating-related behavior. (Which I didn't do). I mostly just wanted to leave work and go cry in my car. In the past, comments like this have spurned me on to try and lose weight or eat healthier, but today it left me feeling really defeated.

Again, I'm not sure where I'm going with this so if you've made it this far...thanks. At the end of the day, I just want to be a healthy role model for my daughter. I've modeled some pretty unhealthy behaviors and negative self-talk thanks to my mom and family (is it just a Hispanic thing for people to constantly tell you you've gained weight when they see you?). I don't want to pass that along to her and I'm thankful there is much more body positivity now.

Thanks for letting me vent. This was a bit therapeutic. And thank you to those who helped put a smile on my face today, it was greatly needed.

XOXO

#tw: long post #tw: body image #tw: body insecurity #tw: postpartum

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raccoon-eyed-rebel · 9 months

Note

◉ - Any other question of your choosing

As we were discussing this earlier today, what about a masturbation headcanon?

Character(s) to your liking...😘

Hiiii!!!!

A) I love this

B) I turned this into a 179th Crescent Street Headcanon - hope you don't mind. (I know for a fact you don't mind)

Ask came from this fun game!

Series Masterlist

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, SMUT (?), MINORS DNI, we're going to talk about a couple of college boys and their fapping habits. That's... That's it.

@geralts-yenn @summersong69 @livisss @sillyrabbit81 @ellethespaceunicorn @ylva-syverson @poledancingdinos @deandoesthingstome

This guy needs to nut at least once a day, or he will go absolutely insane.

It’s a nightly ritual, preferably mornings as well – if he’s not running late, and he’s always running late... Occasionally because he just had to crank one out before getting up.

Also considers masturbation a fine way to kill time when bored (he’s right)

Post-nut clarity is an absolute must for at least half the impulsive decisions he wants to make (but can’t always save his ADHD ass)

Preferred location: bed

Visual stimulation? Usually necessary.

Absolutely has one or two OF subscriptions

Has a maximum spending limit for himself set at 20 bucks a month so it doesn’t get out of hand.

Dani was a little offended he didn’t just think of her – she now sends him the occasional spicy pic.

…and she came to terms with the OnlyFans thing

He likes the concept of mutual masturbation but gets very, very distracted, very, very quickly.

As always, he’s all about Ange; sexting, phone sex, three years worth of pictures and videos in his carefully curated (and well hidden) personal collection... It’s all her.

He likes it better when she’s there, though.

Does live by the creed that important decisions are best made after masturbating.

Voyeuristic tendencies; loves to watch Ange. She tied him up once so he couldn’t touch her... That he did not like.

Oh man... He’s too tired and stressed to jerk off, but he really needs it.

(Someone give this man a blowjob literally yesterday, please)

Has, over the years, caught himself thinking of Lexi several times.

All the post-nut clarity in the whole wide world couldn’t help this dense motherfucker out.

(Sorry Walt, you’re an idiot.)

Was in a long distance relationship for three years

Lots of spicy phone and video calls with Sol

He’s not entirely sure about his preferences right now – he mostly jerked off because he missed his girl and he wasn’t getting any...

She did provide him with ample visual stimuli.

Now that they’re together, mutual masturbation seems silly... They still have to make up for lost time.

Actually enjoys taking his time.

Will crank out a quick one in the shower if need be, but far from prefers it that way.

Sometimes catches himself thinking about his nemesis (Ariel)

(You’re still being fucking dramatic, Leon)

Gets annoyed when that happens because now his moment of peaceful meditation (uhuh...) has turned into a sulky hate-fap and... Ugh.

He’ll happily start over afterwards though.

Not an every day kind of guy but definitely enjoys it as a way of unwinding after stressful days.

This man fucks so much that masturbation seems unnecessary.

That doesn’t stop him though.

Finds a good solo session very useful when he can’t sleep or when he’s just bored.

Visual stimulation not needed.

In the time it would take him to find a video he likes, he could also just fix a booty call.

Makes important decisions mostly with his cock anyway, so he doesn’t feel the need to jack off beforehand.

As far as he’s concerned there’s only one good way of dealing with morning wood...

Doesn’t say no to a good shower session, either.

Extensive mental catalogue of usable material, but doesn’t shy away from some good old PornHub

Feels only slightly guilty towards Mike for fondly remembering his night with Dani...

Still jerks off to that memory despite that guilt though.

Not a fan of mutual masturbation – why use hands when you can use mouths, right?

Eh. He does it occasionally.

The frequency absolutely increased when he met Elena – He still didn’t know what the fuck was going on though. Oblivious baby. So precious. So wow.

Doesn’t need post-nut clarity to make decisions, because he actually uses his… brain. Shocker. I know.

Watched porn once, didn’t care for it.

If left unattended, Elena will tie this man up and make him watch while she puts on a little show.

(He will like it.)

#179 crescent street #179cs #179CS Headcanon #hc sherlock #sherlock holmes #syverson #august walker #napoleon solo #charles brandon #geralt of rivia #geralt #walter marshall #mike hellraiser #henry cavill characters

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whentherewerebicycles · 8 months

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I am really tired of being in a bad mood!! I wish I were having a fun week at work doing the job I love instead of wasting all this time! I hate being stuck in a negativity spiral but I’m just so socially overstimulated and annoyed I can’t quite manage to wrench myself out of it. going to gently cajole myself into saying five good things:

I bought several pairs of cute pants today that I hope will alleviate some of my clothes anxiety esp as we transition into fall. I kinda maybe need to start making myself go on dates again and removing the outfit anxiety will make that a little bit easier on me.

I got to have hot pot for dinner with liz and alex because now they live five minutes away from me and I can have dinner with them anytime I want 😭😭😭😭😭 we giggled a lot and also the food was so good

I didn’t want to walk the dogs when I got home because it was so dark and wet out but I felt bad for leaving them alone for so long today. we just took a short walk around the neighborhood but I felt better

I had a really nice time talking with my work bff today when we were both skipping one of the sessions. she’s just interesting and funny and fun to talk to! we have clicked since day one despite our age difference and I feel like we’re probably going to become actual friends and not just work friends. we were supposed to coordinate our hybrid schedules so only one of us would be in our shared office at a time but we agreed that we like sharing the space so much we want to keep coming in on the same days. anyway it’s just nice to have somebody you like hanging out with at work.

I had a couple intense downswings into Very Bad Feelings today that felt out of proportion to the situations at hand. this was not a good thing in itself haha but it did feel like the kind of volatility I associate with PMS. my tracking app thinks I should be starting my period tomorrow or the next day and I am just like. on my knees praying we are about to start things up again. I think the weather is going to be nice again but today it was an intensely gloomy rainy day that really felt like The First Day of Fall and idk I just like the symbolism of my period arriving as a way to mark the end of this weird intensely unhappy summer and (hopefully) the beginning of a different season of my life. who knows! please beam START BLEEDING energy in the direction of my uterus thanks!

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elizabethrobertajones · 5 months

Note

Really here for Miss Bounding Frog, but I wanted to thank you for becoming a Wyll BG3 appreciation blog. Because while I've no interest in playing the game myself, he's just so charming and lovely and always a joy to have on my dash

You: is today the day I blacklist the bg3 tag? Wyll: *smiles with his whole heart out of a gifset* You: .... naaah he can stay, he seems polite.

You made me realise he and Frog are fairly alike in that I try to go for girlprince in her glams a lot of the time and he's just pure disney prince (but a devil).

(spoilers for BG3 musing on their similarities)

Also I guess their personalities are pretty similar in that they remain genuinely well-meaning heroes after going through it all. Like, the vacation before Dawntrail has been fun but Frog would still absolutely throw herself back into the fire when the self-sacrificing bullshit returns. She slept Endwalker off in a week and then was confused about why the scions were treating her with kid gloves. "Look, I'm upright again! What next??" "Have you tried this adventure called 'retiring to the beach'?"

I know a looot of people have rightfully tired or grumpy WoLs who are completely done with being asked to do things and people Assuming you will be the hero, or being in the crosshairs of the universe, but I did want to write a WoL who was genuinely hype to be here and would take it on the chin with old school heroic stoicism. However gutting everything is she's like, well, we hear-feel-think this trauma and on the other side we understand and respect what it did to us and move on stronger. And then forgive everyone who caused it. (she's very annoying)

Mr Of Frontiers over there had his tragic backstory at 17, a year younger than when Frog started adventuring (intentionally with no tragic backstory, I wanted her to be in it for love of the game) and I'm hypocritically declaring she was more than old enough because I say so and Wyll was a KID just a LITTLE GUY... but also Alphinaud doesn't exist in BG3 thankfully so there's no need to debate when kids should be allowed to be in charge of armies - although I think Alphinaud and Wyll should have a catch up and maybe learn some things about how they were doomed by the narrative together...

Anyway Wyll's various endings aside from the one where you set him up to be a Duke in the city (which I did on my Astarion play since Astarion is marrying him, craves creature comforts, and was presented with not even a persuasion check to decide Wyll's entire future, which is shockingly cruel of the game) he will just go back to adventuring and saving people. Like, a guy who can legitimately retire off the back of everything that just happened and return forgiven or at least as a hero if you did get his dad murdered to not be around to forgive him, and he's like... Actually, the People Need Me, I'm going to go write the next chapter of my life as an itinerant hero killing monsters and swashbuckling all day.

Also, aside from him definitely having whatever's wrong in his brain that Frog has (and Meteor Finalfantasy who is ready to Dawntrail also and is swashbuckling), he does also have the WoLbrain when it comes to Just Saying Messed Up Things. He's so funny and sarcastic and would absolutely fit in with WoLs who pick all the weird dialogue options. WoL can make moogle noises at Thancred? Well, Wyll over here will meow at you.

He also genuinely thinks clowns are funny, and every year the WoL earnestly goes along with a demon clown halloween event so there's that.

#asks #bounding frog #ffxiv #bg3 #wyll ravengard #tags formatted in handshake meme #I do think I should get around to the conclusion of Frog's search for her reaper avatar #she can never tell Wyll about how her pact with a devil from another plane resolved #anyway I have a type which makes me rather predictable... I saw Wyll's intro and was like 'fine I guess he's my fave now'#and he never proved me wrong :)

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heinousactszx · 8 months

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Skyward sword was the first game in my little chronological playthrough and it was the first time i played it, so i thought i'd do a little review

first, the good. the dungeons in this game are fantastic. easily some of the best in the series. they really force you to think ahead and think about the dungeon as an actual space and plan your way through it. there were more than a few times where i was stumped and had to use every tool available to me to figure my way through, which for me is a big plus.

I also think the sword combat was very well implemented (when it worked). by tying success in combat to precise movement instead of random slashing or just waiting to use an item, they can create truly challenging fights that i can't say most other zelda games have. ghirahim is the standout here, all 3 of his fights were fantastic

The story was overall fine, I liked it enough. Groose's arc was predictable but enjoyable. Ghirahim is an amazing villain, one of the best in a series that doesn't have too many standouts. Link and zelda's relationship was okay, they did try and flesh it out, although it wasn't nearly as involved as people led me to believe. They also damseled her again which I guess I should expect but still, not a fan. I thought fi's ending was pretty good for a character that's really just annoying up to that point. I like that she's ultimately been the companion of many successive links

Unfortunately that's kind of where the good times end. As good as the dungeons are, the overworld is very much not. There's only 3 real areas in this game, and while they are fairly large, the fact that you have to revist each multiple times really cuts down on the excitement of exploration. Not that you can explore much anyway, these areas are mostly hallways that funnel you towards your objective without a lot of choice. I don't mind linearity in games, but the railroading in this game is frustrating and the constant backtracking does not help

And this is made worse by the handholding, which really is as bad people said. so many times fi will just spoil a puzzle before you can even look at it. so many times she'll explain something to you that is very obvious, or was already explained to you. so many little things you have to do, dragged out, before you can get to big things. the game becomes a slog both because you have to constantly stop to get helped, and then doing what you need to do stops being fun and just becomes a chore.

finally, as much as i like the sword stuff, the rest of the motion controls are just painful. Flying sucks, skydiving sucks, swimming sucks, those tightropes are a nightmare, just using bombs is an ordeal, and that's before you get into the constant communication errors. for the last third of the game i ended up bringing in a kitchen chair and sitting 3 feet from the tv just so i'd stop getting errors, and it still happened!

ultimately, unless you're doing what i'm doing and playing them all, i can't recommend skyward sword to anyone. the genuinely good bits of game design are surrounded by frustration that affects the whole experience beginning to end. I'm aware that the remastered version fixes some of these issues, but quality of life updates can't truly change a game with flaws this fundamental. is it a "bad" game? no. is it worth 40 hours of your life? absolutely not

but enough about all that. we're done with skyward sword and we never have to go back. up next is the zelda game i love more dearly than any other: minish cap! easily my favorite of the series, it'll be a great followup for many reasons. I can't want to actually gush about a game instead of complaining, i'll start playing later today

#heinous plays zelda

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notalexhorne · 1 year

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I don't put a lot of personal stuff online for two reasons.

Reason number one is I started getting online in the mid-90s, when everyone on the internet was a spooky murderer, and telling them your name or your a/s/l was a surefire way for them to find you and kill you somehow. This got burned into your brain, and I've never really got over it. I've always been kind of a cagey weirdo about it even well into adulthood, as are many people of my generation, and I know that really annoys a lot of the kids, and through some bizarre irony, makes us look like untrustworthy predators to them.

Reason number two is that for years I've lived in constant fear of certain people in my life finding what I say online and ruining my life over it. So a lot of what I put out there winds up being goofy stories that mostly amount to comical misadventures that make myself look a bit of a twat, like this exchange with my husband I shared in a discord server last night.

But this whole thing over the weekend has kind of changed things a bit. Maybe I will start being a bit more of a person and less of an enigma on the internet. I've always liked being a human question mark, and for as long as I've been on the internet, have always gone by some cryptic moniker or pseudonym rather than an actual name. But I guess in 2023, that's kind of weird. That's the sort of avant garde thing anonymous artists from Bristol do; not shut-in ghostwriters from Portland.

There's a lot I'm still not, and likely never will be comfortable putting out there, but I've decided there is a story I'd like to tell publicly. It's a story those close to me know, and one which every time I tell someone some new facet of it, it has completely lost all element of surprise. I want to tell you all about my mother, the single worst human being I have ever had the displeasure of knowing, and who some of you will not believe is even real. I told @lemonbalmgirl this small anecdote earlier today, and the only reaction she had for me was this:

It's generally not good form to lead with the reaction, but I'm going to do it anyway because you will not be able to guess what the actual story is based on that. So first, let me properly introduce myself in my own cagey prick way.

My name is Lewis. It's actually my middle name, cuz the internet isn't allowed to have my first name. I'm 40-ish, from the greater Portland area, and married to a man who for some unfathomable reason has put up with me and my stupidity for over 20 years. Also, I have PTSD from the avalanche of unfathomable bullshit my mother put me through (making what happened this weekend super extra spicy fun), and I have not spoken to this woman since 2019, save to tell her to go fuck herself on an occasion when she called me from someone else's phone.

So here's the story that was so stupid, the only possible reaction was a facepalm emoji:

When my husband and I were married, my mother surprised us by paying for our wedding night, and then his parents paid for our honeymoon proper. We got to our hotel and checked in, and there was a problem at the desk, but they let us go to our room anyway because it was late and it was all booked in advance and it shouldn't have been a problem to begin with, so they said they'd sort it. So fine. We went up to our room, and had just started to get settled when the clerk came up to tell us that actually the problem was quite a bit bigger than initially realised.

Because the card my mother had booked our stay under had been cancelled.

She booked the hotel for our wedding night and then cancelled the card.

We were tired. We were stressed. And now we had to deal with this, and wound up having to use money we had set aside to spend for our week at Seaside on the hotel room that should have already been paid for. I was so sick from nerves I nearly puked on my wedding night.

My mother in a nutshell. It's such a small thing in the grand litany of horrible shit this woman has done, this is I think the first I've ever even told this story to anyone until today.

I'm telling this story here for a couple of reasons. Mostly, because I want to. I haven't been able to put these stories out there because the fear of pissing off the wrong people and damaging relationships has been hanging over my head for a long time. But there are no more relationships left to damage. Those relationships damaged themselves in 2019, and I no longer have any reason to care, and I think a lot of jaded old queers my age can relate to that.

And the second reason is exactly that. With the current social and political atmosphere, I think stories like this need to be told. This woman ruined my fucking life, and I say this with no hyperbole. I tend to be a very dramatic and over the top man in general, in large part because being an absolute clown was the only way I was able to survive growing up. In 2018/2019, I went from having a very large, extended family to having one uncle and one brother, basically. It's weird and surreal, and it's all because my mother decided her narrative was more important than anyone else. She went full nuclear and now nobody talks to anybody else because there's no trust left. The most important text I've ever received in my life was from my uncle in 2019, and it read simply, "I'm so sorry."

In that text, I understood immediately that what she had spent the last near 40 years doing to me, she had just done to him, and he understood what I had been screaming at the top of my lungs about. This is the guy I'm always hanging out with now, and I'm very grateful to have been able to repair this relationship, because we were always close when I was a kid.

I'll be tagging all of these posts with story time, so if you don't want to see them, that's the one to block. I'll also be tagging them with any relevant triggers, and some of them will be bad. I mean, really fucking bad. Because I feel like there is this kind of weirdly idyllic narrative that can kind of get pushed especially when it comes to queers my age who grew up in a post-Reagan landscape. Those of us who remember the tail end of the AIDS crisis, but who had GSA clubs and could be openly queer in school and be relatively safe about it. People a bit younger than me had Glee and High School Musical, and there's this portrayal that it was all very safe and happy, and that people who say that these new laws being passed are fear-mongering and are only to protect the little pre-schoolers and kindergartners.

But it wasn't like that, and it isn't like that now. It may have felt safe in our little bubble, but I joined every club and group that was even remotely relevant to my interest. I was at school from 6am to sometimes 7 or 8pm so I didn't have to go home, because I'd rather be exhausted and overworked than have my step dad beat the shit out of me.

I'm going to make an entire series out of these stories, and this is as tame as it's going to get where the stories about my mother are concerned. I'll be honest, I don't really remember much about my childhood at all, because I've completely repressed most of it. What I do remember from any earlier than about 13 all pretty much involves my dad (who isn't even my dad; he's another stepdad, and that's a whole other can of worms to unpack), and maybe I'll tell a few of those as well to break some of the tension. Because Christ knows we're going to need it.

#story time #tw abuse

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tohokuu · 1 year

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rant - mentions of death and suicide and blah blah blah

i feel like i only come on here to fucking rant lmfao

but hey ! at least it’s being put down somewhere and not shoved inside so then i can let it all out when things get too much and have a nervous breakdown LNFOAJF

i need therapy

like genuinely i need to get help !!

but help does not exist !

western therapy does not work on eastern minds ! and ykw- it’s fucking true. therapy doesn’t fucking work for some reason. that’s a beef reference

i just finished beef btw. great show. binge watched it and ignored all of my missing work… ahaha…

i miss when i was motivated my first semester of college and used to have the mentality.

“hey, if you get it all done now, you won’t have to feel guilty about procrastinating ! and then you’ll actually enjoy doing other fun things !” fuck.

so i lost 3 of my closest friends, so i’ve got nobody to text ya know ? but like we never really texted like that anyway but these were my go to friends yk ? the ones i always hung out with but they’re no longer here so now i’m lonely asf w nothing to do and i’m like …. heehee

just hanging there looking like a fucking L

like i’m a fucking loser LMFAO

i’m a loser

i bring nothing to the fucking table

i’m failing my classes bc i don’t understand anything anymore

i cant fucking write

idk how to fucking write

i don’t have friends

i’m fucking ugly

i actually serious hate everyone

my reputation is actually a lot worse than i had assumed btw ??? like … apparently there’s rumours abt me saying “she likes to ruin relationships for fun” and how “the things ppl hear abt me are unbelievable”

like is this fucking highschool ??? why are you focused on spreading rumors abt me instead of trying to fucking graduate college you stupid piece of fucking shit ???

and then this dickhead today i was talking to 😀 i tell this mf i need a job and ask if his place is hiring

he says “start an onlyfans” are you kidding. that’s so rude, inappropriate and disrespectful.

he knows i’m somebody that believes in God and i’m religious LMFAO ik i literally write porn on here for leisure but like … cmon 😀 seriously ? and this is a guy i barely know and ykw, everything in me was like “they’re all the same. they’re all the fucking same.”

and rn my sister just knocked on the bathroom door tryna fucking irritate me bc she can’t find my fucking gua sha like bitch you didn’t fucking ask to use it and no i don’t know where the fuck it is god leave me alone please

and then my mom keeps annoying me about coming down and grinding the chicken bc i was supposed to make dumplings today and freeze them but i’m fucking tired and it’s 10 pm and i’m not grinding chicken and then cooking it and making wontons. no. no. no. no.

i just want it to all stop. i just wanna breathe without my mind thinking a million fucking things at once. i feel like i can’t breathe without inhaling problems. i just wanna crawl into a fucking hole and fucking die. i literally want it all to stop. i don’t wanna actually die but i want to be happy please this week was shit. it was shit. i feel like shit. i just want it to stop. please.

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claire-starsword · 8 months

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The Guardiana Magic School Run - Part 3

No doodle this time as I had no ideas, every joke about giant bats sucking has already been done I think. Also I've just realized I lost all my pre battle screenshots due to a emulation mishap so. Oops. We bad at pictures today, sorry.

Anyway. We return to Guardiana to sing our praises and maybe not dwell too much on the fact Gong just died. Resurrection is too a good display of Guardiana's magic. I guess.

We say hi to Mae and Gort and grab their weapons for extra money. We also grab plenty of stuff from the treasure room. The Antidote gets safely tucked in the item box as poison won't be a thing for the next battles. The Angel Wing is against my rules and thus to be sold. The Power Wine and Defense Potion also go to the item box as I don't see the need for them right now.

More importantly, the Rousing Ring. This thing is a gift for giant bat haters everywhere, preventing a character from falling asleep. Unfortunately there's only one in game (unless they show up in deals? but I sure haven't seen them there ever). I give it to Gong because Max is kinda overleveled right now, and Tao and Lowe should not be directly hitting enemies too often.

All the loot we could sell gives us a sizable chunk of money. I check the deals and there's still nothing there. The Guardiana weapon shop is also very disappointing. So it's time to start stocking on Steel Rings as I hoped. And by stocking I mean buy two. Definitely would like to have more, as for now, I move all three to Tao, who is by far the most frail character right now, and next battles will be more open so I don't think Max and Gong will manage to fully protect everyone.

I also replenish everyone's stock of Medical Herbs, which isn't a big deal since we didn't use many.

This is where I should have screenshots to show how absurd Max is getting in stats, his attack is like 20 compared to the others having less than 15, definitely need to let the others catch up on levels. Tao's base defense is 4, which is half of Gong's, the guy who died last battle. You can see now why I want those rings so bad. Especially since I recall now there being more Rune Knights next battle.

We cannot delay meeting them any longer. I save the game, and go on for the glory of Guardiana's Magic School.

The clear bonus is 400 gold for winning in at most 10 turns, almost enough money for another Steel Ring, so I want that, but perhaps I should have learned a lesson from last time. Also I don't think skipping enemies to get to Alterone is worth it, we'd miss a lot of exp. Let actually try to minimize deaths this time.

We have a couple of bats who I think will advance immediately, and a lot of dark dwarves. I would love if they didn't advance, which might mean taking things slowly and missing the bonus. Though they might advance anyway and then I'll feel very stupid. Oh well.

Turn 2, nothing happened. The dwarves indeed don't feel like moving, while the bats have inched closer. Let's see if we can deal with them quickly. I send Max to bait them as his huge stats should shrug off bats without much issue.

They take the bait immediately due to having great agility. Their position annoys me a bit, but at least every other character can hop to beat them up right now.

By characters I mean Tao. Lowe can't reach, and Gong gets dodged because flying enemies Do That A Lot. Tao does level up though, and gets Blaze 2, which is fun and exciting. I will mention though, she has yet to get a single defense point via level up. I'm beginning to wonder if it's ever a thing for her.

Turn 4. Gong has managed to hit the second bat and take more than half its HP so Tao can definitely finish it up after Gong tanks a hit, and he will not fall asleep due to his ring. Let's see if Max can bait some dwarves already, though I have little hope of getting the bonus. I just rather these guys come for Max than anyone else.

The dwarves refuse to come and are instead gathering to block the road, which is the fastest path to Alterone. But I said I wouldn't rush, so perhaps beating them from the forest side I can get some terrain bonuses. Unfortunately they too will be getting the terrain bonuses.

To put it plainly, I don't know what I'm doing.

Turn 6. Whatever I did was good, one dwarf came after while the others are now closer to the road and thus getting less terrain bonuses. Hope they stay that way.

Max and Gong team up flawlessly and Gong's level up makes him seem very determined to not die again.

Man, why did I even want the Demibuster.

Lowe is doing a whole bunch of nothing so I send him to heal Max from all the 1 damages he's been taking.

Everything proceeds smoothly and Tao proves that yes, she can get defense on level ups. Sometimes. Occasionally.

Lowe also gets to do something after Max kindly left a dwarf with 1 HP remaining.

Unfortunately we're at turn 9 with a mass of knights and bats remaining so it's safe to say the bonus is impossible. So let us be as cautious as possible and go through the forest, hoping dispatching the bats before the knights get involved.

The bats get baited and finally some snoozing happens. It's chill though, I legit skipped Max's turn to see if others can get the exp.

Lowe proceed to disappoint me as usual.

Eventually he does land a hit but it doesn't even do half and I don't have that kind of patience, Max reaps the rewards here and his level ups continue to be absolutely wild.

Knights are horrible in forests so I'm hoping it's okay to advance this much. Gong also heals himself for some exp, clearly no useful healing is getting done today.

I mess up again because they can still use the roads! Everyone thank the Steel Rings right now.

Gong is also reaping sweet rewards of his training. The reward is "dying less".

Tao spends her last MP on sweet revenge.

Lowe finally gets a level up from healing Tao, and learns Detox. This never happens in a timely manner on my usual playthroughs.

Nothing else to say, we wipe out the knights in this chill manner, with mostly Max and Gong. I try leaving this final guy for Lowe but Max counters because he's too good to share the spotlight. We're four or five turns beyond the bonus, I didn't pay attention, but the battle itself was pretty easy. I feel this will be a pattern in this playthrough, we're pretty overleveled for this part so we survive well, but with few characters we just don't deal enough damage to wipe the enemies fast enough. Obviously, this is because again I wanted all enemy exp instead of rushing to the objective.

There's only so much I can weep about it right now though. This is Alterone, the town full of loot. So money won't exactly be lacking. I might have one less Steel Ring by the end of the chapter though :(

after like ten minutes maybe more of opening chests, including the one after talking to the king, we have extra herbs, Healing Seed for the late game, another Power Wine and Defense Potion, a Life Loaf that might actually be from Guardiana and I didn't notice, some Middle Swords, plural, and useless wooden weapons, I can't understand why they're here. One Middle Sword manages to make Max more powerful than he already is. The rest of the weapons are going to make us rich as the average Alterone citizen.

The deals section decides to finally have something…

It is an axe. Which no one will use in this run. Also I would love to have data on these special weapons because the Jagged Flash tends to be the most useless of them to me, I don't notice any significant extra damage on flying enemies and flying enemies dodge it all the time anyway. This might be the worst thing we could have possibly rolled. Let's just check the normal weapon shop.

The Demibuster is a whopping 800 gold and actually weaker than the Middle Sword. It will still deal more damage against dark dwarves, but man, Max doesn't need it.

The Voodoo Staff meanwhile is a new weapon exactly between the Wooden and Power Staff. Makes sense, right? It can also poison enemies, which I guess could be useful, if we weren't killing anything in one or two hits anyway. With all that said, the Power Staff is debuting like, literally the next battle. I also don't have much interest in sending the blazing woman and healer guy to hit stuff when they could be blazing and healing instead, especially when their defenses still don't inspire much confidence. That's right baby this isn't the Alterone Magic School run this is the Guardiana Magic School, I'm going back there and grabbing more Steel Rings before the chapter closes!!

Just to complete the ramblings, Alterone has their own special ring too, the Evade Ring. In this version, characters have no natural chance of evading as far as I've seen, and depend on equipment like this instead. Of course, this one stacks to a chance of at most 6-8%, so it's very shaky compared to our great and solid Guardiana equipment. It is cheaper than Steel Rings though, so might be a good option for squishy characters once we run out of money.

For now though, we're off to funding the restoration of our glorious country. We buy three rings and store them safely in the item box for now.

We have an old friend to meet next time, after all.

Losses: 0 Deaths: 1 This episode: not yet sponsored by the Guardiana royal family but Queen Anri if you're out there I'd love the money

#shining force #shining series #guardiana magic school run #i feel both this and the next battle will be easy and boring #battle 5 is where i predict to have my first loss though

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chaoticpinetree · 1 year

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So I had a flight today, it was an hour late which was annoying because you know, well, over an hour more at the airport, but I listened to. So many TMA episodes before, during and after the flight. Except the start because I slept through that, like half an hour, then woke up in the air. And I had a brief moment of looking out of the window and gasping like wow... I can see the constellations... And then they turned the lights back on in the plane :C

Anyway so TMA!

So let me start by saying that the fact that Jon tried cutting his own finger off is absolutely deranged, so is the fact that he goes oh well Boneturner would be useful I guess and Melanie goes hah funny thing about that— And then it turns out that Helen is just hanging out around still. I still think that Jon is taking the whole 'being Helen except not' thing too personally.

"If I'm an it, Archivist, what does that make you?" exactly

So! Jon got Daisy out! And if Elias is to be believed (obviously he's a lying bastard who can't be trusted but you know, I guess sometimes he tells the truth) he's the first person ever to do so, which is... Quite impressive. What's slightly terrifying though is that The Buried is just absolutely filled with these tormented people who can just... Never die. Just... Jesus. Literally hell?

But Jon and Daisy are out! And Martin was the one who left the tapes! I wonder if they actually helped. They must've done something. But Jon's rib couldn't've been meaningless either, I think.

Well anyway they're out so that's good, Daisy is now traumatised which is slightly less good, but at least she doesn't want to kill Jon anymore and so Jon has someone around who doesn't want him dead, so that's something!

And Peter Lukas is being shady (or, hehe, foggy) and manipulating Martin while Martin knows... I wonder how that'll go. I mean probably pretty badly, the comics from the Lonely angst were some of the ones that convinced me to listen to TMA lmao

ALSO the fact that Daisy figured well, Basira is trapped here anyway, so she broke into Peter's office, stole an employment contract and signed one for herself queen

But yeah. Anyway and also this exchange?

Daisy: You need to stop moping. Jon: I what? Daisy: You need to stop swanning around, being all sad. Jon: I, I’m not swanning around Daisy: "Boo hoo I am so alone and a monster” Jon: I am alone. Martin is— Daisy: Busy doing paperwork. Not like he’s dead. Besides, he’s not the only other person here, you know. There’s me, Melanie, Basira— Jon: Traumatised, traumatised, and paranoid because of me.

10/10 brilliant lmao. There's so much here. The fact that Daisy can pinpoint Jon's issues and make fun of them in such a perfect and accurate way. The fact that Jon only focused on the fact that Martin is gone (well also Tim and Sasha) and Daisy's like dude we're still here. Well obviously a lot can be unpacked, one would argue that two traumatised people who also both tried to kill Jon in the past + one paranoid person who does not trust Jon at all, maaaaybe aren't the best company. But hey.

Anyway also this exchange between Elias and Martin: Martin: You love manipulating people. Elias: That makes two of us. Like bitch what? Martin? I mean sure he's got an inner bastard but come on, Elias. Come on. We all know you're a bigger one.

And I also listened to 141 which is pretty neat because Jon forces a statement out of someone and I'm just like *sees a monstrous trait out in the daylight* *screams from excitement* and I think the short argument between Jon and Basira after that was... Interesting.

Basira comes off as a hypocrite this season, because like, she wants Jon to be more cold and ruthless like Gertrude was, but whenever he displays any trait that could count as such, whenever he shows his inhuman side more, she's unhappy about that. Meanwhile Jon is indeed, as Daisy said, moping, and the thing is that he can't be like Gertrude. Because he does not see people as tools to be used and discarded, sacrificed to stop any apocalypse. He specifically said multiple times that he does not want to lose anyone else. That he went to the Buried himself because he didn't want to risk anybody else's life and he figured if he fails, worst case scenario is the world simply loses another monster. Which, like, damn, dark much, but well it kind of shows that Jon, if he was ever to become like Gertrude, would need a lot of character development—or, well, character corruption I guess—and I don't think that's going to happen because he's just so far from that kind of person that it wouldn't be feasible, especially since we've only got 1,5 season left now.

Well anyway so I don't get Basira because she's like 'yea ruthlessness to save the world' but when Jon forces a statement out of a random guy she's like 'oh :/ but he's gonna have nightmares until the end of his life now :/' like well yes but he's unharmed and alive?

EXCEPT I also agree with Basira on the detail that she thought Jon should care about this. Because he should. Except part of me is also not surprised that after not being trusted, after Basira wanting to use him, after she told him to be more like Gertrude and to be stronger because well she needs him to be, why should he be blamed for finally listening? But well.

Well it's all a very messy situation honestly and I understand why it's hard for everyone I'm just. Rambling a lot of my observations.

ALSO THIS

Basira: Have you got a pen? Jon: Uhh – Yeah, i-in the drawer. Basira: *opens the drawer* Ah, John. What’s this? Jon: Hm? Oh. That’s… I, th, uh – that’s my rib. Basira: *short silence* Right. Jon: Yep. Basira: And… the jar of ashes. Jon: Not – not, m,mine – I mean, it belongs to me, I, I, I guess, but it’s not – stationery is in the, uh, other drawer. PLEASE lmao 10/10 too

Anyway the description of the next episode left me SO excited so I'm gonna go listen to that now :3

#tma #tma reactions #the magnus archives #mag 131 #mag 132 #mag 133 #mag 134 #mag 135 #mag 136 #mag 138 #mag 140 #mag 141

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cawareyoudoin · 1 year

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Lately my mother has offered to help me with my art portfolio. My mother has a master's in art. We have a tense relationship, but it's gotten better lately. We don't fight as much anymore.

I said yes, of course I would like to learn, and yesterday we sat down and drew, and it was fun! She threw away most things she drew, because she didn't like them. She crumpled them and threw them in the trash. I don't really understand that, but she said I should learn to do it, or I'll be drowning in paper- at least if I plan on drawing consistently enough to get into college.

She commented on my drawing a bit- mostly things I already knew or saw, like how I didn't translate my sketch onto the bigger page right. I said I found it hard. She said I had to learn.

Today, I didn't feel well for a few reasons, so she told me to at least look through a book about art- I called her over and showed her a few things I had thoughts about, and she told me I had a mature outlook. The praise was nice. She asked me if I actually wanted to learn about art. I wasn't lying when I said yes, but I don't really see how just looking at old art would help me.

She wanted me to draw something, but we went to the cinema too, and I was exhausted, so I said I didn't feel like it. I called it off.

I thought everything was fine. Then, she got strangely mad about me not drawing today, and insistent on me going to bed before midnight to get up in the morning and do it. Then she said how she was done with me, said that I "already thought I knew everything", and was ungrateful for her giving me free lessons on what would otherwise cost a lot. She said she wasn't talking to me. It was a clear start to a fight, like always, like it always always always is with her, and how all the nice moments feel like a calm before an inevitable storm. I didn't get provoked though, and I am proud of that. I just told her I'm confused.

As I was writing this post, she came into my room and told me I promised to go to bed. She can't sleep when I don't sleep. Why is she expecting me to? She said I'm addicted to my phone. She earlier suggested me giving the phone to her. Not happening.

I am almost twenty-two years old. I'm not a helpless child anymore. I know I have ADHD, and that many things that annoy her about me are likely a result of that. My being late, my fidgeting, my staying up late, my not doing chores in time, my not cooking, my fear of criticism, my trouble with practicing something consistently. I'm not lazy. I know it. I hope it. I'm trying my best, but my best might never be enough for her.

In moments like this, I often feel like I can't ever be happy with her in my life. Not so close at least. If I could rent my own place and pay for it, I would. Maybe. It's intimidating to think about. There's so many things involved. I just want to be happy. I will be someday, fully. I know it. But not with her around.

Is college even a viable option for me? I don't know anymore. I barely managed to finish school. I need to talk to my therapist about finding another therapist. I need to finish my diagnosis. I need to get on meds. So many things to do. So little energy. My mother is right- I am tired all the time. She says it as an accusation.

Man, why am I even posting this? I guess I just needed an outlet. I would forget about a journal anyways. Sorry to anyone who comes across it.

#vent #personal #sorry #long post #caw caws #adhd #people say on these that they'll delete them but I know I won't #probably

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shadowedvalesa · 1 year

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November the Second. Getting close to Christmas! / @ehldrich

jane’s journal entries: still accepting !

Today was a nice day. they are always good. It’s like when i wake up in the moren morning I can tell it will be good. Its just a feeling I get. It was raining --- but i do not mind that! I like the smell of rain, and I like waking up to the sounds on the roof. It viberates my room. Its really peaceful. Today is friday and sometimes Will and me I go to the arcade on friday after school but today i spent time with Sabrena Spellman instead. We had a “Girls Night” a few weeks ago and it was so much fun!! She did my hair and every-thing, and I think she geni genun gen uin ely liked being with me because when I asked if she would like to hang out again she quickly said Yes. Everyone says “hang out” not “play.” I dont know what the difference is but I think it’s best to follow what my friends say. I met Sabrena after school. She said Will can come with us but he had Hellfire Club so he stayed at school. We walked to the small bakery on the busy street, I do not know its name. I got something called a Jammy Dodger (it was tasty! I had never tried one before but I will have it again if we go back) Sabrena says they are good with tea, but I don’t think I would like that very much. I am not sure what Sabrena got but it looked really good. I will have to ask her. It smelled very sweet. We were lucky because by that time it had stopped raining and we did not need to even bring umbrellas with us.

Sabrena is maybe one of the coolest people i have ever met. I really like being around her. she makes me feel safe and happy and not just because of her witchyness. Is that a word? I will have to ask her.

She knows what has happenned in Hawkins. But that is not all we talk about, in fact she barley asks me about it. We just have a lot of fun together and it always feels very natural. But i did feel guilty because the first time she drove me home I was very sick in her car and it probably still smells. Joyce calls it “Motion Sickness”, says it is normal but I still feel really bad. It’s weird because some cars I am fine, but others I am not. Sabrena told me not to worry about it, and actal actually seemed more corn concernned about me than her car. I hope that I can get use to her car because before I felt sick I had a very nice time driving with her. I winded my window down all the way and let the wind on my face. Sabrena did the same. It was so nice before I started feeling so sick. Anyway. I will not dwell on that (“dwell” is my word for the day) because it seems Sabrena really does not mind. I hope she is not just saying that. Sabrena says she will drive me home again starting next week if I want, but that I have to tell her if I feel bad. Maybe I should have told her the first time. I just didnt want to be annoying because she was so nice to let me in the car.

There is something really special about Sabrena. Not just the magic part. I hope that we can continue being friends for a long time because i like being with her. and I really like the way that I feel when with her. She makes me feel very... good. wanted. Sometimes I do not feel so sad when I am with her. Maybe I should tell her that. I think she might like to know.

---- Jane.

#⁽ 𝖎. ⁾ ⠀’ you can save today / but we can save each other. 、 ehldrich.#tehehehe <33 #here u go!!#did you know i adore them???#they are the reason i exist thank u.#also yes jane's never had a reason to write her name down before so.#she'll learn eventually that she's spelling it wrong. <33

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selfcarecap · 2 years

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Thoughts for when you wake up. I also didn't proofread bc I'm sleepy and lazy. Apologies:

Escape Room 1: it was a nice concept! Fresh and fun, I though. Plus, I really love psychological thrillers, so this movie was up my alley. I think the characters behaved quite naturally for people placed in the situation they were in, and they were all unique enough to where they evokes certain emotions from you. The cinematography was awesome and I enjoyed a majority of the film. The ending was a bit, "eh..." for me. Mostly bc wtf was that plane scene? I also didn't like how they "seemingly" won, but it turns out they just got fucked over again by some allknowing being like...shut up

Escape Room 2: the ending from the last one didn't have me too excited for the second one, ngl. I was happy so see Holland Rolland in it, however, so it was okay. I said, "they finally got her in something other than teen wolf" ☠️☠️☠️ anyway. I'll be real, the second one didn't have my full attention one hundred percent of the time lmao. The scenes were still very pretty, but the premise was too similar to the first one. And like...of course it's gonna be? Bc they're in the same type of situation?? But damnn, I didn't need a lot of this. And it was very :/ bc the main girl (I forget her name) was acting more reckless in the second film like...wasn't she supposed to be the cautious one? And the dude who didn't gaf was more logical most of the time? Come on man... I also didn't like how they were all like, "ooh, in my game..." like...this isn't your first game, focus on the now omg

And don't get me started on how they kept bringing back people! Why didn't the military vet die?? Her plot and why she was making the game was stupid and it felt like someone pulled it out of their ass at the last minute 😒

Part two was annoying and I barely remember the ending. I feel like they set it up for a part three? But who knows...

Now, I have another question. Have you ever seen The Exam or The Lodge (both psych thrillers)?

Ahh thank you for sending them <3😌 (probably) big rant ahead lmao

Omgg I agree, I enjoyed the first one, it was an interesting premise and it had a good set of characters. Also at first it wasn’t quite clear (to me at least) who the MC was or if there even was one and I thought that was kind of cool too? Or for example I knew Zoe (?) wasn’t actually dead when she died from that poison but still. Predictability doesn’t always have to be bad. Omg it was annoying that they all kinda worked alone tho? 💀 like whenever someone found a clue/hint/whatever they would spend 5 minutes trying to solve it on their own like I’m sure at least one life could have been spared if they actually talked to each other dhsks

But I didn’t like the end either like I hate how nowadays they’re always setting everything up for a part two like ofc I get they want to make money but chill. If you’re a good writer you can easily make a part two even if you didn’t set up the whole plot in the previous film. And tbh even after the second film I didn’t understand how the ‘boss’ (idr his name) knew EVERYTHING. like i was so sure there was gonna be something supernatural involved bc even with all the technology we have today and genius people.. it’s just way too unrealistic that they planned everything THAT well. And idm unrealistic films but like this was supposed to be a realistic psychological thriller so.

I was happy that Holland was in it too! And yeah I think I’ve only ever seen her as Lydia tbh 😭and she looked so different (and more grown up obv) but I was happy to see her. And omg yeah I mean maybe it was just the novelty of it but I liked the rooms in the first one more too. And same same same I mean Zoe was so shy in the first film and I liked that she became more confident but at the same time.. aren’t you traumatised lmao. And I would have liked if they gave her a different arc with her confidence like idk in the first one she was shy and got a bit more confident bc she solved some clues and obviously the end but idk. They did talk about the trauma tho which I liked bc usually in those type of films the go through a life altering situation and two days later they’re sitting on some beach and chilling like shouldn’t you be in therapy💀 good for them if they’re not traumatised but it’s usually so unrealistic. And yeahh they kept talking about their old games that, in the end, had nothing to do w this one as if they had any time to waste lol.

ALSO i didn’t realise that they were not together??? At the end of ER 1 i thought they were together and on a date and in the second one i also thought they were together but then when he “died” she was like ‘he was my best friend’… ma’am didn’t you see how you were looking at each other? They didn’t kiss but that didn’t matter like they were clearly in love and I was at least hoping for friends to lovers bc it was just annoying that nothing romantic actually happened between them. And yeah the end of the second one.. I think they set it up for a part 3 but I stopped paying attention by then shsksjssk but the girl (the actress who plays that esther orphan girl) locked her dad in and said she’s gonna make her parents proud by making even cooler escape rooms but like i said i wasn’t fully paying attention so maybe that’s not what she said lol

Okay that’s enough sorry shsjsjsks

I haven’t watched either of those but they seem interesting 👀 but there are a few films called the exam so is it the one with Gemma Chan? And omg Jacob Barber is in the Lodge? Shsjs he’s everywhere lmao but I get it he’s perfect for those genres lmao there’s something weird about him (or he plays it well i mean he’s probably not like that irl but idk i’ve never watched an interview i think). Seems interesting but also like it’s a bit more horror than thriller? And I have to be careful with horror bc then I have trouble sleeping for weeks to come shsjsjsj so lmk how scary it is bc it does seem interesting 👀👀👀

#i’m so glad you didn’t proofread because holland rolland 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#escape room spoilers #?lmao #kendra <3 #lmao sorry for the late reply yesterday was a depression day™️ (I’m absolutely fine now tho so don’t acknowledge it shsjs)#and i had to take a break from escape room bc i dreamt about it 😭😭😭😭😭#thank god my brain didn’t come up with an actual escape room scenario but i just was in an escape room lol #and since i watched that film it automatically meant i might die in my dream too lol

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whorrorgrl · 9 months

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My Beef with Parker Finn's 2022 Film, Smile.

My gripe with Smile (2022) is not because I'm a hater. I mean...I am on most things as I'm sure we all are. I briefly reviewed this movie in my monthly watches and didn't have anything good to say but said it anyway. I had an idea as to why this movie annoyed me but couldn't put it into words then. Weeks later, in a longer format, I can finally properly explain why this movie irks me.

It simply was a missed opportunity.

After witnessing a bizarre, traumatic incident involving a patient, Dr. Rose Cotter starts experiencing frightening occurrences that she can't explain, nor prove. As an overwhelming terror begins taking over her life, Rose must confront her troubling past in order to survive and escape her horrifying present.

Let's start on a good note.

I love the visuals for Smile. The eery smirk combined with the tilt of the head that casts shadows on piercing eyes. It was enough to be the movie's entire marketing. What was the plot? No clue. We just knew there were creepy people posted up around cities, baseball games, and abandoned roads staring ominously into cameras. It even drew my attention, who usually miss movie advertisements in this day and age of streaming. That's the only thing I like about the movie. The actual smile.

Smile tried too hard to be something it was not. It took itself too seriously. The visuals are unforgettable, fresh, and reminiscent of the Joker, whose image is iconic on its own. But this same visual is playful. It reminds me of movies like Fantasy Island (2020), Truth or Dare (2018), Countdown (2019), Happy Death Day (2017), etc. They all have visuals and plot that aren't taken too seriously, or if serious, is still a fun, self-aware watch. Blumhouse, not A24. Cronenberg, not Carpenter. I tie it back to the obsession movies have today with being "elevated."

Take Get Out, for instance.

I consider Get Out elevated horror. However I'm not using Get Out to prove a point about the term. I'm using it in the sense of Jordan Peele starting a new trend in storytelling.

The 2017 film stars Daniel Kaluuya and Allison Williams as an interracial couple going to see the 'rents. Chris, black, is nervous about how Rose's white parents will receive him -- he allegedly is the first black partner she's been with. She reassures him it'll be fine, so off they go to unpredictable horrors. This movie, like many before, intertwined racism with modern horror plot lines. Similar to movies like You're Next (2011) and The Strangers (2008). Only racial. We see this in 1992's Candyman, so racism interwoven into horror didn't start with Peele, sure, but more so revived.

I say revive because we begin to see series like Lovecraft Country (2020), Them (2021); movies like Karen (2021), The Invitation (2022) get greenlit that feature racism backdropped. Many wanted to profit off of Peele's paved path and a movie such as his having huge box office success made a lot of similar works be trusted to be released. A lot of these works copied Peele's signature directing, down to the sound effects and how their actors were managed. Others were decent enough and I was here for the storyline...even if it was becoming a boxed in trope. Diet slave movies.

With elevated horror, Hereditary, Midsommar, the Witch, It Follows, etc. were hits after hits. It started to grow the pretentious sectors of horror fans that didn't want to go near a slasher or poltergeist ridden movie unless it linked back to some multilayered psycho analysis of some textbook chapter of sociology/psychology. We've kind of already seen that with The Shining (1980) and how its talked about then and decades after. Everything had to be deep, doubled up on meaning with slow, lingering shots to match. I adore many of these, don't get me wrong. It's just a new era of horror like any wave.

But Smile trying to ride that wave annoyed me.

How many more movies about grief-horny demons can we have? Actually, I don't even think that's my issue. I can watch ten in a row and love them all. But at least know what you're making. It's why Riverdale is a corny, funny mess...and Thirteen Reasons Why, who took itself too seriously, is an unwatchable corny, annoying mess. With visuals like that, do you really think making a movie about a woman facing her grief of a lost loved one is what I want to see? I want to see playfulness. A group of friends thinking the other's just killing themselves off when really the victims are witnessing the entity. A survive the night. Something Evil Dead (2013) meets Drag Me to Hell (2009).

Smile taking itself too seriously, as if they're tackling the topic of grief in a new fresh way, feels like if House of Wax (2005) tried to be Hereditary (2018); just a silly family dispute. What if Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) tried to be Raw (2016); family members going on a unique diet? Even if Smile didn't want to handle grief differently like Antichrist (2009), Hereditary (2018), Midsommar (2019), The Witch (2015), The Babadook (2014), The Descent (2005), Pet Sematary (1989 & 2019), The Final Girls (2015), The Uninvited (2009), or its better twin The Night House (2020), then why exist? A cash grab then? If so, now we fall under morals. Did you try to depict grief in a different scope terribly or cash in on the growing focus on mental illness? Which is it? 'Cause I got you in a rock and a hard place.

A win we deserved for such a year as 2022 was Smile just being schlocky with some fun jumpscares and a good enough director to drudge it out of the murky forgettable waters of fad-filled, cheap movies like the ones of Countdown, Truth or Dare, or even Fantasy Island. No offense. The Boogeyman (2023) is a perfect example. The title is explanation enough but with a solid director such as Rob Savage, this movie, also about grief, didn't feel repetitive and is actually able to be on someone's favorites list. It was a solid watch and pretty good. I assumed the childish villain’s retelling would set a silly tone for the movie but it held its own and executed a plot we can take seriously. Seeing people deeply analyze Smile like a art critic would a painting (what it means, what it signifies, the undertones, bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh) kills me. It's 3D painting of a pool on a sidewalk.

The Night House is truly what I believe Smile was aiming for and has earned the respect that Smile thought it would get. I'm really so saddened by a disappointing plot surrounded by one of the best horror visuals I have ever seen. Let's all bow our heads and mourn.

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