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maburito · 3 years

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What IF do u recommend? 👀

ALRIGHT so since i keep falling on new if games and have a lot on my to read list I will make a second part of this list ozijfazorgj. But for now here are some of the IF games i highly recommend!

The Wayhaven Chronicles : First I'm starting with the obvious (that I've already recommended before i know shut up) Wayhaven Chronicles! After a strange murder in the usually tranquil town of Wayhaven, the newly appointed detective (aka the MC aka you) is gonna have to work with 4 beautiful vampires to "solve" this mystery. It currently has two books with a complete demo of the third book available. Honestly if you have followed my blog recently you saw me scream about this game cos I am obsessed and seriously i really recommend it, even if vampires aren't usually your thing.

Fallen Hero Rebirth : Oh boy, Fallen Hero, literally everything is in the title, and not at the same time. Basically you play as a former hero who's decided to become a villain for reasons i will absolutely not spoil bc it would be criminal. But know that this story is glorious, you can choose what kind of villain you would be (from an anarchist/anti hero type to a full blown heartless villain, everything is possible) and choose how your villain costume looks like. And of course you have different love interests all of them super interesting (tho i am very soft for Ortega, the Doctor and Argent but mostly the Doctor got me like 🥺🥺🥺 ). It currently has one book out with the second book demo almost all out called : "Fallen Hero Retribution".

Mindblind : Alright this, made me cry. Like actual tears came out of my eyes and i hate it ezokrafoprkg. In a world where the majority of people either have telepathy and other mental superpowers OR at least enough mind defense to not be too affected by those mental superpowers, your MC is the only "Zero" who's mind is basically an open book and a possible puppet for anyone with mental superpowers. Sucks even more when the MC family are basically renowned superheroes. For now only the demo is out and honestly i can't wait for the full book because this story has me hooked!

Speaker : Once again, a supernatural story because i can never get tired of them okay??? This time you can play as "a Speaker". Born from a generation of Seers, you went to the world a few seconds after ur twin sister, which means she got the traumatising visions while you're the only one who can "understand" them somewhat. Or at least try to make sense of them. But of course everything becomes troublesome when visions get more frequent and violent. Great premise, Lovable LI's (looking at Az, Rory and Kana 👀👀) what more could you want?

When It Hungers (formerly Smoke and Velvet on dashingdon) : First just so you know, the game is currently on dashingdon as Smoke and Velvet but will be moved to Twine with the title as "When it hungers" (u can go see the author tumblr if u curious). Anyway, as a lover of horror stories i can't wait to see more of When It Hungers, even if i made the mistake of reading this at night the first time 😔. The coolest thing ? You can choose to make your MC in three different monster : Basilik, Hellhound or a Haunted Doll, and each of them have a different past based on that choice.

A Tale Of Crowns : Basically A Tale of Crowns is a story based on a fantasy world (inspired by the Middle Eastern) where the big ruler aka The Crown is sorta chosen by the gods and can only be recognised by their golden eyes. Except that usually future crowns are found years before a current crown's death, and your character has been running away their whole lifes. I honestly don't even know how to begin to tell you how much i love this story. The universe built around it is just so well done, the love interests are all interesting for different reasons and i feel transported every time i read it. Even now saying this feels like too little but as usual im not good with english, but yeah just trust me it really deserves more than one look.

The Hunt : Demon Eyes : Just like When It Hungers, this IF is still on dashingdon but will be moved to Twine just so you know opzeakfaz. Anyway the premise is basically you play as a hunter, as in a hunter of supernaturals, whether you think all supernaturals are bad or think there are good ones is up to you, though u know, most of the love interests are supernaturals pzokfga. BUT! One day u end up possessed by a demon you were hunting and only break free TWO YEARS later! So u gonna have to try and find out what the hell happened all this time. There's not much out yet but im already really intrigued by the premise!

Bloodmoon : Who doesn't love a good story about werewolves? If you don't then im sorry you have such a lack of taste 😔. A story which updates every full moon (literally) about a clan of werewolves who just moved into a city, and unfortunatly it doesn't go as well as it could. Honestly between all the unique RO's (Vicky is my personal favorite even if Carrie and Shawnie also got me heart), the twist on the relationship between the wolves and the moon, and the whole story and dynamics between all the characters, Bloodmoon is a delight to read. And yeah i definitely re-read it way too many times oiajgfaoiej.

The Exile : Are you tired of fantasy stories? Well too bad here's one more because i love them!! And boooy this one got me obssesed. Playing as a former commander who was once admired by the kingdom they had vow to protect, they are now a fallen hero due to a tragedy that they cannot even remember. Between new encounters and former allies, trouble just keep finding them no matter what. Sorry for the bad summary but honestly the demo of this story got me so hooked!!! And you can basically choose what kind of "semi magic creature" your mc is! (werewofl, phoenix, etc). Seriously give it a go you won't regret it

#askxaquestion #Anonymous #thank you for the question anon! AND SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG IM A PIECE OF SHIT #PopkopKOPKG #god im gonna have to tag all this....#TWC #Fallen Hero : Rebirth #Mindblind #Speaker #When it hungers #A Tale Of Crowns #The Hunt : Demon Eyes #Bloodmoon #The Exile #also idk if you noticed BUT IM REALLY SHIT AT SUMMARISING #LIKE SERIOUSLY #THAT SUCKS

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derangedhyena-delphinidae · 3 years

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numerous issues with “The Aftermath of Seaworld”

When I get time to do so (aka when I’m done with the documentary), I’m likely going to make a video version of this going into the details.

But for right now, I’ve made this. Both as a guideline for me and so everyone can begin to get an idea of the severity of issues involved.

Researching things is time-consuming and can be very difficult - believe me, I know. But I’m of the mind that if you’re making content with the intent of educating people, you have a responsibility to perform a certain level of due diligence. It IS okay to express uncertainty or doubt if you have it. It is NOT okay to confidently assert things that you do not know with certainty.

The video has an anticap slant, and I’m obviously not disagreeing on that front. But again: if you’re gonna go through the trouble of teaching people something. Bare minimum... please make sure it’s actually correct. *** 1) x ‘founded in 1964 and based out of Florida’ - ???? Seaworld definitively began on the west coast, in San Diego, CA. And given that the first park opened in early 1964… things came together before that. Uh? 2) x ‘four people founded Seaworld [...]’ For one… it wasn’t originally conceived as a restaurant, it was originally conceived as an underwater bar/lounge. Two… calling the four guys involved in founding the place “frat brothers” is fucking ridiculous and completely overlooks a) how each was actually involved and b) the overall significance of their contributions to the field as individuals. Hint: like it or not, they were important and did a lot!

3) x If one is going to bring up SWBGCF/rescues while talking about the literal founding of SW, it gives the impression that it’s been around for that duration. It hasn’t. It’s actually a bit unclear when SW started an organized rescue program, but the Fund itself and all that it did came about much later. The rescue information and how it’s presented is actually INCREDIBLY complex, nuanced, and has a fascinating history (from a “bad company behaving badly” perspective). Oversimplifying this, to this degree and in this misinformative way, does the facts of the situation an INCREDIBLE disservice.

4) x [assertive statement about what the name Shamu means] ….Uh actually there’s several explanations for the name Shamu, and the most likely one IMO seems to be the “she-namu” one, not the “friend of Namu” one(? What is this even based on.) 4b) It’s not quite clear if she’s saying “Namu was the first ever orca to be displayed and perform shows” or or Namu was the first to be displayed and, like Shamu, performed shows. Either way, Moby Doll was the first to truly be displayed to the public, not Namu.

5) x ‘Namu died after one year in captivity and you’d think that this might deter Seaworld from doing the same thing again…’ Seaworld truly had nothing to do with Namu. And they leased/took possession of Shamu before Namu died. ‘Again’? What?

6) x “Now, PETA paints a pretty disturbing picture…” [while showing Okura’s artwork] This video segment is, and this is putting it nicely, a pile of poorly-researched BULLSHIT. -Yes, PETA talks about Shamu’s capture, re: the harpooning of her mother. This Youtuber cannot apparently be arsed to look more than 1 Google search into this, as she proceeds to dismiss the information as potentially fabricated. There are two detailed accounts of Shamu’s capture that I’m aware of - in books - and though they have some slight conflicts, it’s absolutely NOT in doubt that the female who was very likely Shamu’s mother was 1) harpooned, 2) died from her injuries and 3) this had been done to make her easier to catch/locate because there was a fucking buoy attached to the harpoon. Which she dragged around for at least 24 hours prior dying. So maybe don’t dismiss that as PETA hysteria, maybe TRY to determine the truth of the matter, which would inform one that it is both true and completely horrifying. -In addition, Okura is an awesome individual who has worked very hard to create a variety of informative artwork for our cause. Okura is NOT associated with PETA and it’s borderline libel in my eyes to use their artwork in this dismissive manner when the primary sources of it can be easily identified online, with full explanations and everything. Do I take special offense to this because of the misuse of artwork? Absolutely. Artists get disrespected enough online. I’m tired of it. This kind of laziness IS NOT acceptable.

7) x ‘timeline is fuzzy about when Shamu died’ …………… it’s…. It’s really not … newspapers are pretty clear about it…..

8) x [complete and utter oversimplification of the lifespan issue, which is not acceptable for anything published in 2020. It just isn’t. If you’re going to bring it up like this, either do the legwork and get into the weeds or stay out.] 8b) [same for reproductive ages. sigh]

9) x if we’re going to talk about when Cornell was involved with Seaworld it’s very important to specify when Cornell was involved with Seaworld and not make it seem like it’s present tense.

10) x “both were rescued by Seaworld” - uh? no. Zero orcas have been rescued by Seaworld. Literally none. The infected-jaw orca was Sandy, whose story is complex and certainly does not involve Seaworld until much later. And many of the orcas in that time period had bullet wounds, often only identified post-mortem because they didn’t seem to hurt the animals much. Also, unflinchingly blending 70s captivity ethics with modern ones is also complete nonsense?

11) x [tilikum coming from sealand] inhales I am going to make an entire video centered on this fucking subject because it’s one of the single most profound arguments for Seaworld being garbage as assessed by US government agencies in the 90s yet everyone utterly fails to mention this. Why?!

12) x what on earth is this nonsense re: quoting a quote from Zimmerman’s article - which has already been removed from its original context, so the original context is not available - and then penalizing the quote for existing as if Zimmerman’s article were the context? That is offensively disingenuous. I honestly don’t know what the original context is, either - but it’s wildly inappropriate to act as if the Zimmerman article is.

13) x this is relatively minor but ‘Paul Sprong’? You literally have his name on the screen. And then mis-reading his age too? While asserting it from a static article published years ago? Effort? Where is it?

14) x ‘another trainer, Peter’ ….. Ken Peters….

15) [weirdly glossing over the widely-available list of orca-trainer injuries/aggressions, despite it being central to the point.] 16) x This pilot whale outrage certainly happened but it was pretty clearly Blackfish that started the cascade of woes for Seaworld. Who has ever asserted this?

17) if you’re gonna just rehash blackfish, tell people to go watch blackfish.

18) x I’ve already gone over the context issue with Seaworld calling out Howard’s statement in Blackfish here (point 23). Which is to say, IN CONTEXT in Blackfish it’s clear what Mr. Garrett is talking about but, divorced from that, it sounds incorrect. But this Youtuber AMPLIFIES the issue by doubling down on the assertion with “no record of a killer whale doing any harm to anyone in the wild.” The surfer event should always be mentioned. Yes, there’s absolutely room for doubt. But there’s also a clear demarcation between an accidental attack (eg mistaken identity, as was likely for the surfer) and intentional one (eg the incidents at marine parks.) Why do people kneecap themselves on this point 18b) please stop acting like Luna represents orcas in general.

19) x “Howard, for all of his research…” … while referring to David Duffus’ b-roll and statements. Uh. 20) x Apparently this Youtuber has single-handedly resolved the dorsal fin issue. You know, the thing that hasn’t been properly researched ever, that has been subject to a ton of debate, that isn’t 100% settled for a variety of reasons, and almost everyone talks about in terms of theories and likely possibilities. 21) x Alexis Martinez wasn’t “torn to shreds.” In a space where even moderate exaggerations are often penalized harshly by the opposition, this kind of blatant nonsense is not welcome. Plus, the reality’s bad enough… you don’t have to make anything up!

22) x *sighs. points at own webpage*

23) Talking about the shows stopping without acknowledging how that’s a bit of a farce is something else. In addition to apparently just flipping to buying what Seaworld’s selling re: its ‘improved image.’

*** Tl;dr video is so unrelentingly full of errors ranging from small to egregious it makes me seriously concerned for the veracity of the rest of this person’s content. The maker of the video provided a list of their sources in their video description, which I will have time to look through in detail later. The above is solely a response to the information they present IN THE VIDEO - which, is very important because let’s be real: a lot of people are not going to look at the list of sources. People don’t even do it when citing papers (no really, you’d be surprised, fml.) For anyone who wants to whinge that I haven’t linked or asserted any sources of my own for my claims… well, remember what I said about time-consuming and ‘I’m busy’? Yhea. Getting all of that together will be part of making a video. So if you want to shrug loudly at my list here… you can, that’s your prerogative, I’m happy to say I DGAF if that’s your takeaway.

What I hope, is that if there’s anything I’ve made clear over the While of running this blog, it’s that I don’t fuck around when it comes to sources and information and do my best to provide what information exists, all of it, not just cherrypicked bits and bobs. Anyways. Here’s step 0 at least. Please don’t share that video. Pretty please.

#seaworld #grumble

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mypoisonedvine · 3 years

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Love, Theoretically | Sebastian Stan x reader (Chapter 5)

(chapter 1) (chapter 2) (chapter 3) (chapter 4)

series summary: having lost your husband, sister, and best friend all to the same extramarital affair, you ran away to a secluded villa in the Hungarian countryside to write and get a little time away from the life you’d left behind. you were only looking for peace and perhaps some inspiration for your novel, but instead you found an unlikely connection with the immigrant repairman– even though the two of you don’t speak the same language.

word count: nearly 2.5k

warnings: vague description of a wet dream, some sensual implied stuff (??),

moodboard and inspiration credit to @evnscvll

In all your life, you’d never had a wet dream. Not even in high school when so many of your peers were coping with puberty and budding sexuality in similar ways— not even when you’d wanted to have one about David Kapoor, the cutest guy in senior year who didn’t even know you existed but that you were somehow convinced was going to fall madly in love with you one day.

It never did work out for you two, but you’d finally managed to have a wet dream. This one, though, was about Sebastian.

In your dream he had cornered you in the kitchen, kissing you deeply before tossing you onto the table and— well, the rest doesn’t bear repeating. It was all very ‘discount bin romance novel’ wasn’t it? The exotic, rugged farm boy roughly taking the formerly-prudish businesswoman in the middle of the house, too deep in the throes of passion to care if someone walking by saw them.

You didn’t find it all that sexy by the time you woke up; moreso just humorous. That’s preposterous, you thought to yourself, nobody’s ever gonna love me like that.

It was something your husband had said to you once. You couldn’t even remember what the context was anymore, but clearly it had had an impact on you to be repeating it internally now. Just last week, Mrs. Alberti had gotten on your case for speaking poorly of yourself. Clearly, the things you said about yourself to others were nothing against what you said about yourself to yourself.

Your papers had only taken a day to dry, but the ink was pretty severely smudged. Knowing your publisher wouldn’t accept them in a manuscript, you resolved to retyping the most damaged ones— a good mindless task to do while you pondered your next steps plot-wise. You’d seen Sebastian less for the past week, and it was no accident; you’d been avoiding him because you were trying to nip this in the bud before it got any worse. Your divorce isn’t final yet, you need to heal. This is fantasy, not reality. You barely know each other. Your divorce isn’t final. Your divorce. Isn’t. Final.

That was the mantra you found yourself repeating as you retyped the waterlogged sheets; so much for the plot-pondering plan, eh?

You heard someone coming up the stairs, and you knew it was him because the steps were coming too quickly to be Mrs. Alberti. “Come in,” you instructed before he’d even knocked.

“Bună ziua,” he greeted as he opened the door, leaning inside. “Am pregătit cina, ai vrea să mănânci?”

“Hm?” you asked as you turned around in your chair, adjusting your reading glasses. However, his question became more obvious through context when you saw he had oven mitts and an apron on, and was holding a wooden spoon. “Oh, um, I’ll be down for dinner in a minute. Soon.” You held up a few fingers, hoping he would successfully interpret them into minutes.

“Arăți bine în ochelarii aceia,” he motioned, pointing towards you.

“I’m sorry… what?” you asked, not sure at all what he could be talking about.

“Ochelari. Sunt drăguți,” he re-emphasized, but it was useless as you gave him another confused look. He sighed, straightening up a bit as he began a new method: “Îmi plac,” he said, pointing to himself and then giving a thumbs up, “ochelarii tăi,” he pointed to you, and then made circles with his fingers and brought them up to his eyes.

You laughed a little, but you were pretty sure you got what he meant. “You like my glasses?” you clarified, reaching up to wiggle them on your face a bit.

“Da,” he grinned. “Pari inteligent.”

“Thank you,” you nodded, and he nodded back as he shut the door and his footsteps faded back into the kitchen.

Once a few more pages had been redone, you gave your hair a quick combing before heading down for dinner with Sebastian. It smelled a little strange by the time you went downstairs, but when you swung open the door to the kitchen, you were instantly hit with a wave of acidic air, forcing you to wince and cough. Even that didn’t help much, and you forced your eyes shut as they stung.

“Jesus Christ,” you yelped, “the fuck are you cooking? Tear gas?!”

“Oțetul te irită?” he asked, not sounding as concerned as you would’ve hoped considering your obvious pain. It was like you could taste it in the air, and it wasn’t until you managed to open your burning eyes again that you realized what it was: vinegar, in a huge jug right next to the pot he was boiling it in.

“You’re boiling vinegar?” you realized incredulously. “God, Europeans are fucking weird.”

He just looked back at you with bewildered bemusement.

“In America,” you tried to explain, “we don’t eat vinegar. We clean our floors with it.” You pointed to the jug and made a motion meant to indicate scrubbing a surface, and he laughed a little.

“Americanii sunt prea sensibili,” he dismissed with a wave of his hand, turning back to the stove to stir his pot of disinfectant which he apparently planned to serve you as a meal. “Am avut ciorbă de oțet de când eram copil.”

You’d typically considered yourself an adventurous eater— even with vinegar-pickled things, like kim chi which you’d learned to acquire a taste for— but this one put you to the test. Considering the smell alone had singed your sinuses, you were nervous what would become of your innocent tastebuds. But after he served the soup (a dark orange color, so apparently it wasn’t just the boiled vinegar) into a bowl for you and another for himself, you found the taste of it oddly pleasant when you sipped it gently from your hesitant little spoon.

“Vezi, nu e așa de rău,” he smiled gently as he watched you fail to recoil in disgust from the flavor.

“Just like ma used to make, huh?” you chuckled as he ate the soup with incredible speed, even going as far as to lift the bowl to his lips and drink the last few sips that way.

Eating dinner in silence with him was unexpectedly comfortable. “You wanna know something funny?” you found yourself mumbling aloud. “I enjoy talking to you more than anyone I ever did back home, and you can’t even understand me.”

His smile softened as he stared back at you, apparently sensing the change in your tone as you spoke.

“See, right there, that’s it: you’re listening to me. You know it’s useless, you know you won’t be able to tell what I’m talking about, but you’re listening anyways. Over two billion English speakers on the planet and none of them have listened to me like you do.”

Then you heard yourself, and it was so heart-breaking that you had no choice but to laugh. It was just a chuckle at first, but then you couldn’t stop it, even when you realized how confused Sebastian would be. Everything is funnier when you know you shouldn’t laugh, and soon you could barely breathe as tears warmed your eyes from the force of it.

“I’m sorry,” you tried to spit out between your fits of laughter, but it was barely comprehensible anyways. Sebastian began to laugh with you, if hesitantly and with a hint of confusion.

“De ce râdem?” he asked gently.

“I’m sorry,” you repeated, calming down a bit, “I’m sorry I just… I was just imagining what my husband would say, if he knew I was here…” you trailed off as you laughed again, starting over. “If he knew I was here, falling for someone I’ve never even spoken with.” You shook your head, resting your face in your hands as you chuckled lightly. “Oh, he’d hate this. He’d tell me I was out of my mind.”

With a slow sigh, your laughter subsided as you wiped the wetness from your eyes.

“He’d be right, but… I don’t really care,” you decided. “He’s not here. If he wanted to find me, he would. And maybe it’s because he’d hate this that I’m having so much goddamn fun doing it.”

When you looked at Sebastian again, his face was serious, yet anything but stern. Suddenly, you weren’t thinking about your husband anymore. Of course you logically understood how odd this all was, how impossible it was for you to be slowly finding yourself in love with someone like him, but it felt right, and true, and real. It made no sense, and yet it made perfect sense in every way that mattered.

“I’ll help you clean,” you offered as you stood up, realizing you’d gotten lost in your train of thought and probably stared at him for a bit too long. He stood up with you, helping you gather the used dishes and letting you wash them in the sink while he put the remaining soup in the refrigerator as leftovers for another time. “I’ll cook for you tomorrow,” you promised, “something real bland, like the English cook.”

“Sper că nu intenționați să gătiți pentru mine cândva, nu suport mâncarea occidentală,” he mumbled as he continued to wipe down the countertop with a damp towel.

With the kitchen clean, you knew you should get back to writing your book, but you were compelled instead to read somebody else’s— so, as you slipped onto the couch with one of a few of your favorites that you’d brought with you, Sebastian summoned the same copy of Dracula you’d seen him reading a few times and took the loveseat. Not much else happened after that, save for you shivering from a draft and him tossing a throw blanket on you.

“Ce carte citești?” he asked you eventually, breaking the silence. When you looked up, he was pointing at your book. “Book?”

“Right,” you laughed, “I taught you that. My book, uh, it’s good.” You closed it, leaving your finger inside to mark your place as you showed him the front cover. “On the Road? Ever heard of it?”

He just cocked his head to the side.

“Jack Kerouac?” you continued. “It’s about going on a long journey in search of… freedom.”

“Acesta este cel despre zombi?” he asked.

“Sure,” you nodded, wishing more than ever that you could know what he was saying. He smiled and got back to his own reading. Indulging yourself for a moment, you watched his face as it fell into a neutral expression while he read, his eyes trailing along the page as he continued to read. You didn’t realize it, but when you returned to reading your own book, he got his chance to look at you.

A long day of writing meant you had more than earned an evening to relax by the fire; late summer became early fall, and early fall turned into the need for a fireplace so much faster than you’d anticipated. The days were temperate, sure, but as the sun began to sink lower, so did the warmth. You started your evening with a hot shower, though you didn’t let yourself get too greedy with the limited supply of hot water, knowing Sebastian relied on the same supply for his own baths. When you finished, you dressed yourself in a fluffy lavender robe, feeling especially pampered when you put on a little moisturizer before heading downstairs to cozy up with the fire. You were already getting chilly, the heat from the shower fading as your wet hair and bare feet cooled you quickly. Therefore, it was more of a scurry to the fireplace, which you hadn’t expected Sebastian to be tending or you wouldn’t have come down in a robe. He’d seen you in less (namely, his shirt and nothing else, which was horrifically embarrassing) but something about this felt more intimate, like all your defenses had been washed away in the shower, too. Didn’t help that he was shirtless, again. Wasn’t he cold in this weather?! Must be all that muscle keeping him warm.

“Bună seara,” he greeted.

“Good evening,” you returned. Stepping closer, you rubbed your hands together as you felt the hot air radiate towards you. “It’s nice,” you sighed contentedly.

He smiled back at you, moving the logs slightly with the iron poker. Sparks jumped and fell off as he shifted them, joining the ashes below— you’d always thought fire was so beautiful, even if it was dangerous, and you took in a long breath through your nose to smell the tinge of smokiness in the air.

“Te încălzești?” he asked quietly as he set the poker aside and stood beside you. You wrapped your arms around yourself, rubbing through the fabric of the robe to try to warm up a little faster. Seeing you shiver, he reached out and rubbed your arms for you, which made you tense up slightly before relaxing and breathing out. “Mai bine?”

You nodded a little, your gaze drifting slightly.

“Warm?” he asked, making your eyes jump back up to his. You swallowed dryly as he looked back at you.

“Warm,” you repeated, “yeah. Good job… when’d you learn that?”

He didn’t answer, watching your hands as they reached out for his arms, finally making delicate contact with his tanned skin before drifting up to his biceps, his shoulders, and finally his chest. He put his own hands on top of yours and held them there, looking back at you as your heart started to beat rapidly and with no signs of slowing down. “Warm,” he repeated, only slightly above a whisper.

“Oh yeah,” you agreed hoarsely, “very, very warm…”

He smiled a little; it wasn’t mischievous, it wasn’t conniving or predatory or malicious. It was subtle but gentle in a way you had absolutely no plan to save yourself from, no protection, no armor, no neutral territory. There was only heat, so strong that your toes weren’t cold anymore and you didn’t even remember that your hair was still damp. Not only did you let his heat consume you, but you didn’t even think to stop it, to swallow your desire down, to run away and say goodnight and hide in bed from the icky scary feelings. No, you looked right back at him and let those eyes pierce right through you, that cold blue changed entirely with the warm firelight reflecting in them.

“Do you want to come to my room?” you asked slowly. The words were useless, but a glance back to the stairs that led to your door and back at him asked the same question with much more efficacy.

He nodded, and you stepped backwards as he followed you: across the house, up the stairs, and to your room. You opened the door. He shut it behind you.

#sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan rpf #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x y/n

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unforth · 3 years

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So, English-Speaking Danmei Fandom... (Part 2!)

...you saw my post yesterday and you’re like, “okay, I made a JJWXC account and now I know how much the thing I want to support costs, how do I do the actual money thing?”

Here, I’m figuring it out right now, let’s do it together. I AM STILL RELYING ON THE GUIDE BY SHOKO TRANSLATES. YOU SHOULD USE IT TOO. I have only the most basic idea wtf I’m talking about, and I only have that much because of this guide. That said, it seems to focus more on mobile, and I’m using desktop, so if you’re also on desktop my thing here might help you?

One, go to the payments page. Fortunately, they’ve made it pretty easy to find...

...by making it the one on that list that’s in RED. Handy, right? No, I don’t know what it actually says. Again, I don’t speak a lick of Chinese. I have some Japanese so sometimes I recognize characters but that doesn’t get me far, ha.

Once you click that (you have to be logged in, of course!) it’ll open up a new screen, with a list of payment options on the right. As far as I can tell, this is what the choices are:

I’m gonna take a stab at international credit card, since that’s...the only one of these I have??? I tried to figure out what the “shenzhouxing” prepaid card is but basically got no where.The Shoko Translates guide does NOT have instructions on this part, at least not for desktop? And the pages look pretty differently on desktop. Anyway. Here goes nothing...I’m mostly relying on C&P and Google translate. *sweatdrop*

So, there are two tabs, but I can’t C&P them and I have no idea what they say. However, the one on the right doesn’t have any boxes for entering stuff?? So I’m gonna stick with the left...OH. It’s a page for doing security questions. Oh god, um.

Alright. So. Put your password in the top box. For the security questions, what they say is basically irrelevant, except it’s worth noting that the default option is apparently not a question - it’s just “select one.” If, like me, you don’t know Chinese...just pick whichever questions, and put in answers you’ll remember. It doesn’t give a damn if your answers are correlated (though, the first one on the list has something to do with dad, and the second on the list has something to do with mom, I recognize those characters, ha. It doesn’t let you pick the same questions twice...and there are two near the bottom that I THINK might be “father’s birthday” and “mother’s birthday.” And one about elementary school. Sorry, I’m distractable. The point is, the questions don’t matter as long as they accept your answers! Yes, it accepts English ones, and no it doesn’t have anyway of knowing if your answers correlate to the questions at all. TAKE A SCREENCAP OF YOUR CHOSEN QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS AND SAVE IT BECAUSE YOU’LL NEED THEM AGAIN!!! Do your pattern match thingy, then click the green button, and there’s another page which looks like it’s asking me to re-enter the same answers.

Click the green button on that second page, and there’s a new page with a single line of Chinese text:

“恭喜你，密保设置成功，点击此处跳转到用户基本信息页面”

which, according to google translate, is

“Congratulations, the secret security setting is successful, click here to jump to the user basic information page.”

Guess I’ll click the thing.

ALRIGHT. So, after doing all that, it takes me back to a home page? Awesome. Whatever. As long as it worked. Click on that red one in the navigation bar again, and NOW when you go to the “international credit card payment” one...

AHA THIS IS VERY PROMISING, lol. So, based on Shoko Translate’s guide, that place drop down menu with “17″ written says “USD” after it, and that it’ll get me 10,000 points. It looks like it processes payments through Paypal; based on my experience with Paypal, that means you may not need an actual Paypal account? But I’m honestly not sure, and I’ve had a Paypal account for 20 years, so I’m just gonna, ya know, use that.

A little window pops up that I’m assuming (blind guessing) is a “this will take you to another page/open a new window, is that a thing you want?” and I clicked the option on the right, and yep, it opened my Paypal. I’ve got a card on file, so...I’m just doing that. (I’d...better make sure I actually have $17 in my account... *another sweat drop*...okay yes I have like $80, wooo...oh, crap, I accidentally paid from my business account, sigh...well, there was def money in there but I’d better pay myself back...ANYWAY.)

Do the payment thing!

It redirects back to JJWXC!

It says something in big bold letters and I have absolutely no idea what! But then it loads, and it’s all the Chinese that I now recognize as my personal account page, and when I scroll to the bottom and...

...well I have no idea what any of that says but it sure as hell LOOKS like victory. Now to see if I can actually, ya know, buy a thing! I can’t afford to get everything I’d like to at once - I’m pretty broke - so I’m going to start with Tian Guan Ci Fu. It’s my favorite danmei novel, and one of my favorite books of all time, AND it’s by MXTX so even though I can’t buy MDZS on here, I can still support her. I linked to it yesterday in my previous post (which, again, is here).

Author: 墨香铜臭

Title: 天官赐福

Direct Link:

https://href.li/?http://www.jjwxc.net/onebook.php?novelid=3200611

Now...

1. scroll down to the chapter list and click on the first one that says [VIP] next to it. Click the chapter title.

2. the circled button is “select all”

3. a pop up checks if you actually meant to do that. click the one on the left to confirm.

4. scroll to the bottom, and...

5. ignore those two check boxes, you might think they’re a ToS confirmation or a “are you sure” but they’re actually about subscribing to the book (which is pointless, since it’s finished) at least according to google.

6. ...uh...shit...now I have to figure out which of these buttons actually does the thing...um...oh thank God, it’s in the Shoko Translates Guide. So, there are five buttons right below the line saying how many points I have. The first is “confirm purchase” so, ya know, just ignore the other ones and click it.

7. A dialog box popped up! It says how many I spent and how many I have left and a bunch of Chinese and two mystery buttons...thank God, again, for Shoko translates, apparently they’re “read now” on the left and “read later” on the right. I’m gonna “read now” just to see if it worked...

8. Well...it sure looks like a book??? I have the PDF translations (a copy from before it was removed, and no, I won’t share it), and, um...okay, so the first unlocked chapter is 21...oh hey, I see San Lang (三郎)! That’s, like, the only thing on this whole page I can read! lmao. Anyway, comparing, like, pagination, and the placement of the exactly one thing I can read, YES, this definitely worked!

SO.

This has been your second installment of “disaster dumb white person who speaks no Chinese liveblogs their way through figuring out how the HELL to buy danmei on JJWXC.” If this has been helpful to you, please REBLOG, SIGNAL BOOST, and more importantly, SUPPORT YOUR FAVORITE DANMEI AUTHORS!!!!!!

(I own TGCF. I’m so happy omfg. 😭 😭 😭 😭 )

(and as a reminder: I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. If you have a question that requires that someone know what they’re doing, DON’T ASK ME. Instead, try the Shoko Translates guide I linked at the beginning!!! Here, I’ll even link it again. USE IT. DO THE THING.)

#unforth rambles #tgcf #mdzs #svsss #2ha #erha #guardian #hell if remember what else i tagged yesterday #here guys i did the thing #now it's your turn #and now i've gotta go do my actual job

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ikindamissbeingphysical · 3 years

Text

5 Times Musa wore Riven’s clothes

Read here or on ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29376804

The Alfea Games is a bullshit annual tradition. It's an exam masquerading as a tournament, just a way for the teachers and high rankers of the Kingdom to see who they want to pluck out of the Academy and take for their army, or task force, or some other random position Riven could really not care less about.

Still, he's competitive, and if there's one thing he likes doing, it's beating Sky.

He slashes, a dagger in each fist, at the Burned One projection and it falls to its knees shrieking.

The stands are full of students cheering, and Riven gets a rush at their applause.

"Show off." Sky pants from beside him, as Riven's tally flicks up to 7, and Sky's stays stubbornly at 4.

"Jealous, much?" Riven grins; relieved when the half-time bell chimes because his legs are sore, and the late afternoon sun still burns as it begins to dip out of the sky. He and the other Specialists head over to the shade and he rifles through his rucksack for some water as Sky goes to kiss Bloom, who's leaning over the rail; red tresses swaying in the breeze.

"You were amazing!" Bloom gushes, and Sky beams at her, and Riven mimes throwing up.

Someone laughs.

He turns to see Musa, headphones around her neck, hair in pigtails, and-and-

In his jacket.

She's wearing his jacket. His leather jacket. It's draped over her shoulders. Her bare shoulders, because she's wearing some strapless, form-fitting purple dress, and Riven's coat, she's wearing Riven's-

"You okay, man?" Sky asks, and Riven realises they're all looking at him, and he's still looking at Musa, and her big, brown eyes are lit up a sort of hazel in the red setting sun.

He nods, waving them off, and chugs more of his water, trying to temper his heartbeat.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Musa asks, more quietly, her irises flaring purple. Her eyebrows stitch together worriedly. "You're like- really anxious. It's just a game."

"Stay out of my head." He hisses furiously, petrified that she might be able to see, might be able to tell-

She leans away from him, scowling. "Fine. Whatever."

He's grateful when the bell rings again, but his winning streak is gone. As the flood-lights turn on and the sun disappears, he misses target after target. He keeps getting pinned by fucking rookies and everyone else's tally continues to jump up as his dies on a plateau.

He can see her, in his peripheral, wearing his jacket and she probably doesn't even know it's his. She probably doesn't know how she looks in that leather swamping her frame, the collar resting at her neck, where the skin looks so soft that-

"Fuck, dude," Sky curses, hauling Riven off his ass. "Pull yourself together."

"She's wearing my jacket." He snaps, and Sky looks at him blankly for a moment, before he groans.

"Dude, I know you're like, against sharing, but she was freezing and it was just lying there. I'd have given her mine, but Bloom had already-"

"It's fine, just-" Riven tries to shake it off, "I'm focused."

He can't help a final glance over his shoulder, to see Musa leaning sleepily against the railings, headphones now secured over her ears, resting her chin on her arms. On his jacket sleeves. She's lit by the silver floodlights, and her eyes are half-closed, and he wonders what she's listening to. He wonders-

The Burned One knocks him to the ground, and the buzzer blares.

The next day, traces of her perfume linger on his jacket, swirling around him the way she does, always, in his thoughts.

It's sweet, like honey and vanilla, like home-spun sugar and toffee.

He'd found his jacket right on the bench where he'd left it after the game: the stands empty, the game over. It had been folded neatly and left just beside his things and he'd slid it on and tried not to replay their interaction in his head.

Today's a new day.

As part of Sky's new scheme to become the best boyfriend in the history of boyfriends, they've been sitting with the Winx Suite most lunch times. It's not exactly Riven's idea of a good time. He feels some horrid mix of guilt and irritation whenever he looks at Terra, and Aisha glowers at him like his very proximity will end in her getting a suspension. He spends most of the time arguing with Stella, and trying (failing) not to look at Musa while Sky and Bloom stray the line between PDA and go get a room.

When he gets to the cafeteria and heads for the table, he's surprised, and maybe a little thrilled, to see that it's just Musa at the table.

She stands up as soon as she seems him.

"Good, the others just left. They wanted to have lunch out by the lake. Bloom has apparently ‘found a place’. C'mon, we can catch up."

He has no option but to follow her, and sure enough, half-way across the field is the whole merry-fucking-gang. Riven doesn't know how to feel. Sky could've texted, if his brain was capable of fathoming anything other than Bloom when she was nearby. Were they even going to invite him? Was he going to get to the cafeteria to see an empty table? They probably wouldn't have missed him anyway, he thinks bitterly.

And yet- Musa was there. Waiting.

He looks at her thoughtfully, and her eyes flash purple when she catches him. She winces. "It wasn't like that." She says, "they were caught up in the idea of going there. They weren't purposely trying to leave you behind."

Jesus Christ, can't she just-

"I'm sorry," she barrels on, as they fall into the same steps, almost caught up to the others. "I'm trying to respect your privacy and everything, I'm working on it- my control isn't great at the moment."

"You should work on that." He mutters.

Her shoulders slump dejectedly. "I know."

Well, fuck, he didn't mean to- he swallows hard. "I'm tanking my field training." He says, trying to ignore her look of surprise at this freely-offered information. "Great at everything else, but camouflage? The element of surprise? I'm struggling. It's hard. I also fucking hate it, so there's that."

She huffs out a small laugh. "I bet you just like the thrill of attacking someone face to face. None of that 'sneaking up on you' bullshit."

He grins before he can check himself, and she catches it, and smiles too.

"There you are!" Bloom calls excitedly, "c'mon, we're gonna use Stella's ring."

Riven hates to give Bloom props for anything- and it isn't because he doesn't like her, or anything like that- he's just reluctant to acknowledge anybody's good traits since they all seem so loathe to see any in him- but the lake is nice.

Large and leafy green, surrounded by trees and over-hung by the clear blue sky. There's a sunbeaten deck strutting proudly into the middle, and Aisha strips out of her clothes to reveal a swim suit, and in three great strides, dives in like a dolphin.

The rest of them stare after her in awe.

"Are you always wearing that under your clothes?" Riven asks, toeing off his shoes, watching as Aisha tumble turns and glides through the water like a dolphin. She smiles at him from the water, and he's surprised by the look of it on her face. For the first time, she looks relaxed. Stress-free. Content.

Bloom and Stella change into their swim suits, as he and Sky just strip down to their boxers. Bloom wolf-whistles, and Sky blushes.

Riven puffs his chest out, winking at Stella who scoffs at him. He turns to find Musa. She's shrugged off her coat and shoes, and is rifling through her bag in confusion. She's too pre-occupied to notice his abs. Riven tries not to take offence.

"I can't find my- oh shit." Musa groans, thumping her head. "I left it back in the fire circle."

"Oh! Don't worry, Musa," Terra says brightly, as she sits, fully-dressed, on the mossy bank, with a stack of books beside her. "You can sit this one out with me!"

Musa turns to her with a smile (that to Riven, looks fucking forced) just as Bloom and Sky jump in. They scream, splashing Stella who cannon-balls in after them. Riven watches Musa's face, can see the hidden longing in her eyes.

A part of him wants to tease her, entice her in by saying how much he wouldn't mind if they decided to go skinny-dipping instead, but he knows it ultimately wouldn't work. Instead, he reaches for his discarded black tee, and tosses it to her.

"Should be long enough to preserve your modesty," he says, going for casual and heading for the dock. "Considering you're such a short-arse."

Musa sticks her tongue out at him, but she eagerly turns to get changed and Riven plunges into the lake to resist the urge to watch.

The water is warm and licks at his skin as the sun beats down onto his shoulders. It's deep and he can't quite graze the bottom, and he's suddenly, a little stupidly, grateful for knowing Sky. Grateful that he gets to be here. He floats on his back, staring up at the sky and letting himself just bask in the moment. As the water laps in his ears, he can hear the others laughing, Aisha swimming, Stella screaming, and the sun warms red spots onto his eye lids, marvellous colours in the dark- so he opens them.

Just in time to see Musa standing on the dock.

Suddenly, all his attention is on her. Her long, tan legs on display, his tee, his t-shirt, tickling down past her hips, and she jumps.

Okay. Turns out it's not a leather jacket thing. Anything that's his looks good on her. He could look good on her.

He watches for her when she re-surfaces, as she joins in splashing Stella, and he waits, waits, waits, until- victory.

She swims over to him. A little way away from the group, to where he's treading water alone. The t-shirt clings to her and he wants to touch her and-

"Hey," she says, with wet hair and water droplets on her eyelashes. "Thanks for the tee."

He shrugs. "I'd rather you'd jumped in without anything on."

She hits him, but finally, finally, he gets her eyes on him. They linger, as the water rivets roll down the breadth of his shoulders, his chest, down to- her eyes flicker away, cheeks red.

"Don't be shy," he purrs, "I'm hot. It's not a sin to look. You're hot too. Dancer’s body. Bet you're flexible."

"Wouldn't you like to know?" She murmurs, before her eyes flash purple. He tries not to let it irritate him. He hates the violation of his privacy, but he knows she can't control it- but she turns away from him, and he follows her gaze to Terra, sitting balefully alone. "If I do what I'm gonna do," she whispers, and his heart trips up a little, at her whispering to him over the water, pulling him in closer. A secret just for the two of them. "Promise you won't tell anyone."

Riven grins. "I'm great with secrets."

Musa takes a breath, before she stares at Terra, face tense with concentration, eyes shimmering purple.

Riven turns to look at Terra expectantly. "You're mind-controlling her?"

"No." Musa mutters, still focused, "I'm just trying to increase her confidence, trying to-"

Terra looks up suddenly, and Musa hurriedly grabs Riven's arm to move behind him.

"The water does look good!" Terra calls, "is it warm?"

"Oh, it's lovely, Terra!" Musa hollers back, "you should come in!"

"Yes! Join us!" Bloom sings, from her position perched on Sky's shoulders.

Terra wavers. Riven can feel Musa's hand curled around his arm, her body against his back. "I don't have my costume!" She yells.

"You're wearing like five layers," Stella calls, "you can spare one."

Terra chews on her bottom lip, and Riven turns his head to whisper: "can't you boost it anymore?"

"I'm trying." Musa insists quietly, "I can't manufacture it. I can only enhance what's already there."

"Terra," Riven yells, startling her, "if you come in, I'll let you dunk me."

Sky bursts out laughing, and Terra giggles.

"Well, I can't resist that!" She says, getting to her feet. Riven turns away, looking down at Musa who's beaming up at him.

"Wow." She says, pressing her lips together to hide the glee in her tone. "That was very sweet."

"Fuck off." Riven mutters, but his eyes are on the collar of his wet tee as it clings to her skin. "I only did it because that was bloody painful to watch. By the way, is there anything else you can do with your powers that I should watch out for?"

Musa tips her head contemplatively. "Actually, yes." She lifts her hands and cups his face. He startles a little, at her fingertips against his jaw, before he sees her eyes purple and shimmer, and then suddenly, a weird emotion clouds into his head. It's familiar yet foreign, it's-

gratitude?

"It's meant to be gratitude." Musa says, when her eyes are back to normal and she's panting a little, "I'm not great at-"

"I got it." He reassures her, “I felt it."

She smiles, pleased, pushing away from him to swim further to the centre of the lake.

He watches her go, mind reeling. More powerful than he thought, though he's not sure why he's surprised. He can still feel her hands on his face. He wants to swim after her, but Terra and Sky corner him, eager to see him dunked.

It marks a turning point for the group as a whole.

The afternoon at the lake has softened grudges, strengthened bonds, and Terra talks to him more over lunch. Aisha doesn't bore him so much, not now he can see her for more than a stuck-up rule-follower. He and Stella get along as well as they usually do, but their barbs seem less sharp than before. Bloom has always been pretty accepting, and Musa-

Well, she's Musa.

She's making him lose all sense of normalcy, of sanity, because that's the only reason he'd agree to this fucking slumber party.

"No, I think it was better over there." Sky says, changing his mind for the fourth time, as Riven struggles under the weight of the mattress. The entire floor is covered with pillows and cushions and Sky needs to make up his mind before Riven kills him. "No, no, you were right- put it back."

"Jesus," Riven groans, setting it down and spotting the stack of Disney Princess movies. "We're two guys about to sleep with five girls, and you're suggesting we watch Pocahontas?"

"They won the coin toss," Sky shrugs, "besides, I always liked the little hummingbird."

The girls arrive after Laurie, the RI for the floor, has done her final rounds. They shuffle into the room on tiptoes, and Riven closes it behind them, meeting Musa's eyes. Her hair's down and loose around her shoulders, and he's never seen it like that before. In her soft looking, cotton pyjamas, some rainbow sweater, she's more enticing than usual so he busies himself with the popcorn as Sky sets out the rest of the snacks.

"This is a nice set-up, guys," Bloom grins, getting comfy right in the middle. Sky joins her, and soon, the lights are off- bar Stella's glowing little ball- and everyone's shuffling into place.

Bloom and Sky are cosied up to one another, and Aisha and Terra are tucked neatly into one corner. Stella fancies herself above the ground, and lies on Sky's bed, half her attention on her phone.

Musa settles in the other corner, leaning against a mountain of cushions, and Riven debates for about half a second before he joins her.

"Hi," she whispers, sounding pleased, "wanna hear a sad story?"

Their thighs are touching. Her fleece pants are warm against his bare leg, and the cushions are ridiculously comfortable, and she looks so different with her hair down, her face almost obscured from him. "Sure," he whispers back.

She points are her bare feet. "I forgot my socks."

He snorts. "If that's your idea of a sad story-" he breaks off into a hiss when she cruelly presses her toes onto his shin. "Jesus, they're fucking ice." He complains, and she laughs, tossing a kernel of popcorn into the air and catching it perfectly between her teeth.

He reaches over her, feels her entire body stiffen and does his best to ignore it, opening one of his drawers and pulling out a pair of mis-matched socks.

She takes them gleefully, leaning down to pull them on. Her shirt rides up and he catches a glimpse of her lower back, and when she sits up- she catches him. Their eyes dart away from each other, and the first hour of Pocahontas is a stiff, awkward affair. The darkness seems to electrify the space between them and Riven's too afraid to move. Musa seems to be feeling the same way, but then Terra starts singing along with the song, and the the air relaxes a little.

Then, somehow, in Little Mermaid 2, Riven's oddly invested in Melody and her pull to the sea, when Musa sighs, sinking back further into the cushions, resting her body weight on Riven, looking completely content.

"You comfortable?" He teases, and she smiles lazily up at him, wiggling her toes in his socks.

"Very comfortable." She says, and he isn't thinking when he says:

"You're insufferably cute, you know that?"

He regrets it immediately, but it's slipped out, and Musa barely seems to notice his panic. She just yawns, and then she- she- rests her head on his shoulder, and her hair fans down over him, and tickles his arm.

He feels, suddenly, the rather vicious urge to protect her. He's on high-alert, for some reason, for any intruder, because she's here, half-asleep, resting against him. So trusting. So vulnerable, and-

The DVD menu chimes on repeat, and when Riven looks up he realises that everyone else is asleep, and Stella's orb of light has vanished into darkness, and that it's well past midnight.

Slowly, gently, he rests his cheek on Musa's head, feels the way they're tucked in together, and he closes his eyes.

He's not sure how it happened.

How they can go one minute from a group of friends binging Disney movies, to out here, in the woods, watching Bloom's fucking fire wings and surrounded on all sides by Burned Ones. Real ones. Not projections.

The girls are all glowing, eyes burning, and there's splashes of water, tangling ivy, shooting flames, blinding light and Musa: shouting locations as she tracks them.

"Try to project lethargy!" Aisha screams, clutching one arm, as Sky slashes a Burned One along the chest.

Riven jams two sharp jabs into the torso of another, and growls over his shoulder. "She's already fucking tracking them, Aisha! Why don't you just water-board them some more?"

Musa doesn't mediate their bickering, just whirls and points and says "Another three over there, I can sense them. They want Bloom!"

Sky and Terra immediately run over to Bloom, who has fire burning along her shoulders, and it's so arresting a sight that Riven doesn't even notice when the Burned One crumbles into ash beneath him.

He doesn't notice when another hisses just to his left. He can't get his blade out in time, and it has one deformed hand around his throat, claws pricking into his skin when Musa's suddenly shoving him away, taking his place, and he just has time to notice, to scream- when she lunges forward, and stabs the monster in the chest. It howls, and she yells out in unison, her voice shaking with agony, a sound that'll haunt him.

The Burned One crumples, and Musa with it.

"Musa!" Stella cries, racing over, trying to get closer, but Riven blocks her, taking Musa's chin in his hands, tilting her face up. There are tears stained along her cheeks, and her eyes are still rimmed purple.

"I felt it," she gasps, clutching Riven's arms, still shaking, "I felt it die, I felt it-"

"It's okay." Stella insists, voice shaky, rubbing Musa's back. "You did amazing, you did so great."

Musa clenches her eyes shut. "I've gotta- I can feel more of them."

"Take a minute." Riven pleads, trying to catch his breath, feeling blood move sluggishly down his own neck. "Take a minute, you just fucking saved my life, you're allowed a goddamn minute."

His entire being seems to light up at the small, strained smile she gives him. Stella sees the smile too, so she shoots Riven a look that says keep going, moron.

He doesn't need her prompting. "And what a sexy knife move. Where'd you get that blade?"

This earns more of a laugh from her. Relieved and a little hysterical sounding, but a laugh nonetheless. She holds the blade up, and its blue handle glints in the moonlight. "Stole it from you." She says, and he wants to tell her it isn't the only thing she's stolen from him. She has everything he is in the palm of her hand, and she saved his life. She hands the dagger back to him, and he shakes his head.

"Keep it. You look hot with a knife in your hand."

Musa laughs again, still a little choked up, and the two of them help her to her feet. He doesn't want to let go for her, but she sniffles, nodding, so Riven just sticks close by the rest of the night.

They defeat the burned ones with minimal injuries. Aisha's leg is broken, and Terra's bandaged it as best she can, as they limp back to the school. Dowling and Silva meet them half way, overflowing with worry and gratitude, and at their insistence, Riven collapses into a bed in the infirmary as they tend to his neck.

They put Musa in the bed beside him, and he sees claw marks on her ribs, and it's a good thing the Burned Ones are dead, because it's the only thing stopping him from marching right out into that forest to have their heads.

He's on his way back from the drinks table, two glasses in his hands, when he notices that Musa isn't there anymore.

Terra points to the back door. "She needed to step out. Mind fairy thing."

Riven nods, setting down the drinks and heading for the exit.

It's a warm summer night, and the air is humid, and Musa's standing out on the grass, gazing up at the stars.

She must feel his mental presence, because she turns and smiles.

He heads over to her, and she steps easily into the circle of his arms, and he holds her tightly.

Here they are. At the Alfea Ball, dating. Their three month anniversary is coming up soon, and Riven has something in mind. He's excited to see her reaction. But right now, he just basks in having her in his arms. She's a vision, in a lace-sleeved, indigo dress, her hair up the way he likes, and heels that mean she doesn't need to tiptoe to kiss him.

"Sorry," she murmurs, "got a little loud in there."

"I don't mind," he reassures, dropping a kiss onto her head. He feels her shiver, so he shrugs out of his tux jacket and drapes it over her shoulders. As pulls it around her, she looks up at him, soft and smiling, and his throat goes a little dry. "What?"

"Nothing," she shrugs, "you just look very dapper in your tux. I'm feeling it." Her hands slide up onto the plane of his chest, and he grins, nipping at her nose.

"Shall we get out of here, then?"

She hums in agreement, but tangles her fingers into his hair to pull him down for a kiss. As usual, the heat flares down to his stomach, and he pulls her tighter to his body.

"We should get out of here," he insists, kissing at her jaw, "or we'll definitely get suspended."

Musa laughs, and she leads the way back to the dorms.

Once there, he whispers, low and greedy into her ear, to take off everything but his jacket.

"Is this some sort of kink?" She asks delightedly, once his tux suit is the only thing on her gorgeous body, and she's straddling him, thighs spread over his, her fingers dragging through his hair.

"I don't know," he admits, even though he knows it's only a thing for him when she's involved. "I think I just look really good on you."

She bites his neck and scratches his down his back, and it hurts and he loves it, and she looks down at the marks like a satisfied kitten with tiger claws. "I look good on you too." She whispers, and he kisses her again.

And again.

#rivusa #riven x musa #fate: the winx saga #mutual pining #fic

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thetrap · 3 years

Text

why i think deancas just might go canon

i’ve been wanting to write this for a bit, but i haven’t really had the time until now. basically this is just a super unorganized collection of thoughts i have on why i think that dean and castiel actually have a fairly decent shot of becoming canon (and by decent shot i mean like.....a solid 5% chance. and that’s being generous). this is based off of the show itself (obviously), quotes from andrew dabb, and other things.

1. andrew dabb is deancas positive

i made a post a while back that never made it out of the drafts, but it was basically a summation of all the good deancas shit dabb has given us as a writer. here are the bullet points:

- the hug/"i'm not leaving here without you!" moment in purgatory (8x02)

- "don't lose it over one man"

- "he's in love.....with humanity"

- cas/colette parallel ("dean. stop.") in 10x22

- just the fight scene from the prisoner in general like......wow

- sam/jess and dean/cas parallel in 12x23

- "we've lost everything......and now, you're gonna bring him back" + dean's just generally overwhelming grief in 13x01

- "and how is it that you lost dean? i thought the two of you were joined at the.....you know, everything"

and these are just the big moments.

also notable is the fact that an activist sent dabb (and some of the other producers of spn i think) a book about dean and cas and why the fans want it/why it would be a good thing for the show. a few years later, meghan fitzmartin (who wrote the most recent episode!) was hired as dabb’s assistant, went into his office and posted a tweet a with pictures of the book, saying something along the lines of “doing some reading for work!”

the fact that dabb actually kept a fanmade deancas book for years.....the fact that he’s consistently written episodes with really strong subtext for years.....the fact that the dean and castiel romantic tension has only picked up since he took over as showrunner (mixtape, lily sunder, cas’s death, dean’s grief arc, the entirety of season fifteen, etc.)......idk i just think it’s really interesting that there has been such a marked shift since he was put in charge.

2. the mixtape

i know this was a few seasons ago, but it’s still relevant because like. a mixtape is not platonic. this scene was not platonic. full-stop.

and it’s not even the act by itself; it’s also the dialogue!! “it was a gift. you keep those.” this is more than likely a direct callback to aragorn and arwen in lord of the rings (that’s the first thing i thought of, at least).

the fact that dabb let this slide, like......he knows what this looks like. berens and glynn, who wrote this episode, know what it looks like. they knew precisely how this would be perceived, and then wrote and aired the scene anyways.

and that’s not even getting into the camerawork. like what?? was this shot???

yeah so. definitely not platonic.

3. the trap

honestly i thought about just posting this part of this overlong essay thing, because to me, this is the episode where i went okay, so this might actually happen.

there are SO many things in this episode that made me go insane the first time i watched it (”i left, but you didn’t stop me”) but the thing that stuck out to me the most was dean’s reaction to castiel saying, “you don’t have to say it. i heard your prayer,” when dean tries to tell him something.

like?????? he does not look relieved!! nor does he look particularly happy!!

hell, if you go back and watch the video you can literally see him swallow his words down like....jensen ackles is the master of micro expressions and that shit is Not Accidental. this moment 100% gives the vibe that there is something that is not being said. the camera following dean as he gives cas a lingering look is really interesting too.

3. dabb’s comments about dean and cas in season 15

this part is actually sort of related to the point above, since a lot of dabb’s comments are in reference to “the trap.” here are some interesting ones that i want to point out:

But the Leviathan won’t be the focal point of the purgatory story. Rather, it’s about what Dean and Castiel are going through. “They’re not going to resolve the emotional stuff, but it allows them to redefine their friendship a little bit in light of what’s happened especially earlier this season,” Dabb says. (x)

the key thing here is that dabb said that, in 15x09, dean and cas are “not going to resolve the emotional stuff.”

now. i don’t know about you, but dean falling to his knees, praying to cas and weeping feels a lot like emotional resolution to me. like, sure, things will probably be awkward between them for a while, but surely this is the peak moment of their emotional vulnerability with each other, right? surely this is the moment where they’ve resolved the issue between them? like how the fuck does it get more intensely emotional than this??

yet dabb seems to be implying that it will, which leaves us with the million dollar question: what is left about dean and cas’ relationship to resolve?

keep in mind that as of 15x16, there hasn’t been much forward movement on that front; that is, we’ve had some cute moments between them, but in terms of serious conversation about their relationship, there’s been basically nothing. so we can assume that this development, whatever it is, will occur in 15x18, since dean and cas will be separated for most of 15x17, as cas will be off with sam.

aka the episode where cas will likely get yanked away by the empty. aka the episode with the teary (!!!) conversation we saw in the promo between dean and cas.

also notable from the above quote is dabb saying that dean and cas are redefining their friendship. like....redefining how? to what?? that wording is just really interesting to me.

another quote from dabb re “the trap”:

(x)

it forces them to “start that process.” indicating yet again that the prayer scene between dean and cas is not the moment where whatever is between them is resolved. yet, from where we are right now, dean and cas seem mostly fine. which means that whatever they have yet to work out doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with their fight.

lastly:

a really significant chunk of what happens to dean in 15x09 is him confronting his issues with cas. don’t get me wrong - there are other important things that happen in the episode - but the fact that an episode where so much time/emotional energy is given to dean and cas’ dynamic is considered a turning point for dean is very notable and, to me, speaks to the importance of their relationship for the rest of the season.

4. dean/cas and sam/eileen being set up as units

i’m of the opinion that sam and dean will (by choice) go their separate ways at the end of the show. i think this for a variety of reasons that i wrote about here, and to add onto this, i think that dean/cas and sam/eileen are, in a way, being set up as two units.

this theory comes from two points:

1. the fact that eileen got brought back at all

this isn’t to say that eileen isn’t an interesting character all on her own/outside of her romance with sam, but the fact that they brought her back and then proceeded to set her up in this romance feels really significant to me. what’s especially interesting is how, even after she leaves in 15x09, we get a continuation of their romance in 15x14. i don’t necessarily think that she’s sam’s endgame in the sense that the final episode will show sam going to her or whatever, but i do think that part of the reason she was brought back was so that sam would have someone who he loves/someone he could potentially build a life with after he and dean defeat chuck.

2. the way the two couples were portrayed in “the trap”

like....just watch the future scenes in the bunker. there’s very much a sense that these are two couples living together. and “ever since the mark made cas go crazy, ever since i had to bury him in a ma’lak box.” note the use of i, not we. and then dean/cas and sam/eileen are directly paralleled when dean tells sam he needs to give it up after eileen’s death, comparing it to how dean has given it up after having to bury cas in the ma’lak box.

5. dean does not do Well without cas

this is probably an understatement. there have been a couple of notable instances in this season where the viewer is given a glimpse of what happens to dean when cas dies/is in danger of death/is separated from dean (in case the whole ass widower arc in s13 wasn’t enough).

two of these are from “the trap”:

1. dean freaking out/crying/praying when he’s separated from cas in purgatory

2. dean giving up on life/hunting after burying cas in the ma’lak box in the future world

3. dean’s reaction to cas temporarily going to the empty in 15x13

the one i want to spend the most time on is number two, in large part because sam was witness to it and i think that this might get brought up in 15x17.

part of my spec for that episode is that cas will tell sam about his deal/sam will find out somehow, and in reaction sam might tell cas about how dean reacted to his death in s13 - a conversation that was notably absent from the show when cas finally returned in 13x05. i also think that he might mention no. 2 above, basically telling cas that if he dies, dean is done. that he won’t be able to handle it/move past it. the show has been telling us this over and over for a while now, and it’s only been emphasized more in season 15. i think that 15x17 is the episode where this will finally be verbally expressed.

to me, all of this emphasis on dean giving up when cas is gone isn’t for nothing. in my opinion, it’s being done very purposefully to set up an endgame where dean and cas are together in some sense of the word. and a lot of what i’ve said above is what makes me think it’ll be a Romantic together.

5. bobo berens’ three part deancas saga

so we all know that berens is pretty much spn’s foremost deancas warrior, and what i want to point out here is how this season has been utilizing him as a writer.

this season, berens has three solo episodes (he wrote “galaxy brain” with meredith glynn):

1. the rupture

2. the trap

3. despair (formerly known as “the truth”)

so far, these first two episodes have had major deancas moments. you could even label them as:

1. the rupture (the breakup)

2. the trap (the reconciliation)

3. depair (???)

keep in mind also that berens wrote 14x18, where the dean and cas sort of had a preliminary breakup. he’s been in charge of this arc for a while, and the fact that so much of his writing this season has been deancas focused.......i don’t know, i just think it’s significant in part because, while berens has always been deancas positive, he also writes plenty of episodes that aren’t focused on dean and cas. but now, in the final season, the dean and cas emotional arc has been handed to him, and it’s been the primary focus on his writing.

(sidenote: berens was promoted to executive producer for this final season)

to me, this is all leading to a big moment between dean and cas in 15x18 - and the fact that it was at one point called “the truth,” only to be switched back to despair - makes me think that there will be some sort of confession involved. my money is on cas being the one to say it (especially since this would line up with the leak), especially given the glimpse we saw of (what might be) this moment in the promo. which leads me to...

6. cas does not cry

i saved this for last because the promo where we see teary-eyed cas is actually what pulled me back into this shitshow.

cas does not cry. like. ever. he got a little teary in 15x15, when jack told him of his plan to sacrifice himself, but we have never - never - seen him shed actual tears. and in the promo, particularly that shot where cas says “you have fought for this whole world,” it 100% looks like cas is about to cry cry.

cas has seen his son die. he has seen dean die. he died himself, over and over and over. and we have never seen him cry.

yet for some reason, in this moment of vulnerability with dean, he’s crying. i find it highly unlikely that cas would cry because of his impending death, for a number of reasons (for one, he wouldn’t want to upset dean more than he has to). so, assuming he’s not crying because of his own death, then what is making cas so emotional that he is genuinely crying for the first time in the twelve seasons he has been on the show?

my guys.....i can only think of one thing.

#THIS IS SO FUCKING LONG OH MY GOD #i'm so sorry for this i just have SO many thoughts about this and had to get them all down #disclaimer: i still think it's highly unlikely we'll get confirmed romantic deancas #but i do think there's a chance #and this is why #deancas #destiel #s15 spoilers #spec

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monsterfloofs · 3 years

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BirdMonster? (Quincey) x Anonymous Reader (Sfw)

(I don’t have a species name yet for my lovely weirdo bird-ish shadow babies-- but I hope you enjoy the story!!)

You look down at your phone, chewing on your lip, reading and re-reading the text message that lay on its glassy screen.

“Hey! I heard you moved to the city, how have you been? =D I wanna hear all about it!”

You didn’t have the heart to respond this morning when you first saw the message. And you felt even less sure of yourself as you looked at it now. “It’s going okay,” You finally type out, you type a bit more, but then thinking better of it, you hastily start tapping your thumb on the 'x' to delete it.

You run head first into someone's back and you blink, backing away quickly, “Oh my gosh I’m so sorry,” The shadowy figure turns around and his wide multicolored glowing eyes peer at you. A cigarette wiggles in his beak like maw. “Ey Nicky, look who it is! It’s tha hooman!” You wince and put your hands up nervously, as they lean forward curiously, their four hands resting on his waist and hips. “I’m really, really sorry, I didn’t mean to run into you--” “What have I told you about that!” You blink looking to the one beside him, they were short and chubby with a shorter beak that was slightly hooked on the end. Their hand flying up to swat at the taller figure. “Whatta keep tellin’ ya about them manners! You don’t say that! It’s rude!” “Ey! Ey! I’m sorreh! Jeeze Nicky!” The taller one complained in their high voice, “Why ya gotta slap at me! They were the one that ran inta me first!!” He jerks his thumb back at you before blinking and scratching his head with a hand, “Eh. . . they were right here. . . where’d they go?”

You had made a quick escape around the corner, breathing heavily before you looked down at your shoes and bit your lip. There weren’t that many humans around here, and you have been stared at enough by the residents to beat a hasty retreat when you were afraid of causing a scene. You shouldered your bag and continued down the path, your eyes peering around as you stuffed your phone into your pocket. It was a small city and many of the residents here, were these shadowy bird creatures. They had four arms and 4-6 eyes depending on their mood, covered in a very dark fluff that you weren’t able to discern if it was fur or feathers. With their luminous eyes and slick shadow like silhouettes, you stuck out like a sore thumb around them. At first you had been excited to live here, learn about them, but when you realized you were the one being stared at, you began to lose your social resolve. You stop walking, pausing in front of a walk sign and waiting for the light to turn as you shove your hands in your pockets. You had come here to make a new start, get away from your old town and the memories you had there, but with a new town came new problems. You hurry across the road, walking down the strip to turn into a little bookstore.

You can see faint wisps of lilac smoke in the air and you give a little smile, you were able to make one friend so far, and you rather liked him. He sat at the front desk reading a book, his legs propped onto the countertop. His luminous eyes looking up. “Hey angel, how’s the city life treatin’ ya today?” You sigh and slump your bag onto the floor, “Horrible,” you mumble, “I ran into someone today Quincey, like actually. . . RAN into them. Way to go me. . .” “Ey, don’t say that.” Their cool voice replies from behind their book, “You were probably lost in your thoughts, and that's one of your best qualities.” You look at him, before giving a little smile. “You think so?” “I know so sweetheart. You’re a really deep thinker,” You stepping around the counter to put on an apron with the book store's logo stamped on it. “Has it been busy today?” Quincey chuckles, “Nope. ’S been dead all day.” You peeked at the stack of books sitting beside his crossed feet on the counter before you gave a little laugh, “I can see that. . . it looks like you’ve been reading your books more than selling them.” “Mmhm, if you want to, you can go home if you want.” You think back to the two others you ran into on the street and you shake your head, “No. . . I think I need to get out of there for a while.” “Feel free to hang around as long as you want, then. I could use th’ company.”

You watch him read, his face buried in his book. You give a soft smile and nod appreciatively, you take a deep breath. “ Ah. . . Hey Quince, I was wondering, what are those things you smoke all the time?” Quincey looks up, “It’s a cigarette sweetheart. Don’tcha have them things back home?” You give him a look and smile, “Yeah. . . but they have rat poison in them and they smell awful, and they don’t give off purple smoke either.” Quincey’s eyes shift in number, as he blinks, taking the cigarette out of his jagged mouth and looking it over appalled, “Rat poison?” You giggle and rest your elbows on the table, “Yu~p! And they cause lung cancer and--” “Quincey waves his hands, “Urk, yeh, I’ve heard enough. I don’t wanna hear no more.” You giggle again as he hastily stamps it out. “Well, the ones back home do anyway, I don’t know what they make those kind with. It smells different. . . almost floral” You say thoughtfully, “I dunna sweets but I’m gonna look that up, I don’t wanna be killing myself with no rat poison,” You smile, collecting the stack of pre-read books into your arms and wandering further back into the shop to put them away. You scan the shelves, carefully sliding them back into their homes.

You breath in the dry air with a smile, you were so thankful to work here, and thankful to find a friend. Quincey was kind, and understanding. When you first moved here, you had a moment of feeling distraught and panicky about the stress that was piling up in your life. You had started crying while you were working up front at the register and Quincey had been quick to send you to the backroom and tack over while you could sit in peace and cry it out. He had popped his head around the corner with a mug of tea. Sitting down to speak with you, his legs crossed as the two of you talked. You told him everything, why you left home, how hard everything had been and how desperate you had been to start anew. You spilled everything that had been warring inside your heart, going a mile a minute as your nerves had skyrocketed. But he listened through everything, nodding solemnly as he watched you with concern. You had felt guilty about that, just exploding your life worries on someone you just met, but Quincey had been someone you felt treasured to have now. He didn’t judge, he didn’t even really question. He didn’t ask for anything in return, and he didn’t try to make you feel like you had to act a certain way. You could just be. . . you. Having such a sturdy positive force in your life wasn’t something you were used to. You feel heat rise to your cheeks and you smile softly to yourself.

You finished putting the books away, grabbing a broom to start sweeping the floors. Your mind slowly turns towards work and what needs to be done. Since it was slow today, you could focus on cleaning all the things you had been neglecting. Moving around the shelves and pulling out chairs so you could sweep underneath them. As you head up towards the front desk, you hear Quincey get up from his chair. Stretching his four arms as he bows backwards. “I see ya already grabbed my books, thanks for that.” “Oh,” you respond offhandedly, “No problem, I was already up,” “I was thinking about closin’’ up th’ shop earlier, it doesn’t look like anyone will be coming through.” You perk up cheerfully and beam. “What time were you thinking about closing?” Quincey eyes the clock on the wall, and squints. “Eh. . . Soon, I’m thinking, about an hour or so, no use wastin’ electricity if no one comes in.” You hum in response, keeping your head down as you sweep a pile of dust onto the dust pan. “And. . .” He began hesitantly, “I was wonderin’ if you would like to have dinner with me.”

You freeze, your head jerking up to look up at him. “Me?” You hug the broom shyly, Quincey rubs the back of his neck, his eyes winking closed, “Hey, if it makes you uncomfortable you don’t hafta--” You blink and look down, “I--” You stammer, you voice dropping to a whisper, “I’d really like that, actually. . .” You shuffle your feet, in embarrassment, you peek up at him, Quincey mirrors your shy posture, shifting from foot to foot as he rubs the back of his neck. You let out a soft giggle and take a deep breath. “I would love to. . . did you have a place in mind?” Quincey’s bright eyes dart in your direction before he gives a small jagged smile. “I know a few little hole in th’ wall places. One I’ll think you’ll really like, s’ nice an quiet. You nod, returning his smile, feeling your heart flutter. “That sounds great. . .” You stand their for a moment dumbly before you fluster and grin in embarrassment, picking up the dust pan and carting it and the broom into the back. When you are out of his line of sight you can finally let your heart to it’s erratic somersaults. Putting a hand over your heart and swallowing hard. A date. . . a dinner date, tonight, and you don’t have enough time to thoroughly panic because it’s going to be after work, which in an hour! You take a couple of deep breaths, easy, steady there! You busy yourself with scrubbing the tiny break room, your mind feeling like it was composed of marbles. Every thought you had rolling around and bumping into each other. There was no doubt you liked Quincey but oh gosh!

It was like, now you knew, he knew, how you felt? Or was it, he knew, you knew how HE felt? You squish your face with your hands. Okay, you’re panicking, again, stop panicking-- just breath!! You let your eyes close tightly and you shake your head. You grab the bucket of soapy water and throw your sponge into it, hobbling out of the breakroom to start washing down whatever else you could find. You still had an hour to occupy your mind-- and in the meantime you needed to keep pep-rallying yourself! It wasn’t that you didn’t want to go, it was just the things in life, made you feel like you had to be guarded. . . Or like you didn’t deserve it. You sigh, squeezing out the sponge and sitting on your knees to clean the dusty bottom of the book shelves. You keep yourself a buzzy bee, cleaning shelves and tables, until the very last minute. Your name is called and you lift your head, you can already feel your cheeks tingling with warmth. You wobble to your feet and give Quincey a shy smile. “Just let me dump the soapy water out! I’ll be right back.” You steal yourself into the break room, watching the water swirl down the drain, and turning to peer at yourself in the mirror. You give yourself an awkward but encouraging smile. Leaving the bucket and sponge on the counter as you join Quincey by the door. “I’m ready,” You say, feeling unsure, but when Quincey gives you his own crooked smile, your heart flutters. He holds the door open for you, and you step out together into the lamp light sidewalk.

It’s going to be okay, you tell yourself, hesitantly reaching for one of Quincey’s hands and holding it. He perks up and looks towards you, and you give an embarrassed smile and laugh in spite of yourself.

#monster x human #monster x reader #exophilia #fluff #sfw

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magicofthepen · 2 years

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Five books I want to read this year

tagged by @sparklingdocta, thank you! 😊

This is extremely hard to answer because I have over 50 books on my 2022 TBR list (and actually many are the first in a series, so definitely more than 50 books).

(yeah I likely won’t get to all of them, but hopefully I’ll get through at least a good chunk of the list? I keep seeing cool books and going ooh shiny!! and adding them to the list oops.)

So to narrow it down, I’ve decided to only list books here that are coming out this year. But even with that restriction, I’m still gonna list ten books instead of five. 😄

All of these are either standalones or the first in a series (and they’re either YA or adult SFF because that’s what I like to read!) Titles link to Goodreads (I’ve done my best to summarize the blurbs, but the full ones are there), and I also listed the release date for each book!

1. The Kindred by Alechia Dow (January 4)

I love books with science fantasy vibes, and this one has mind bonds between nobles and commoners and an escape and crash-landing in a spaceship, so I am very 👀. (There might be a sci-fi explanation for the mind bonds? But still! The vibes!) Also features nobility drama—royal assassinations and false accusations!— and a love story between a fat, Black, queer woman and a brown, queer man.

2. Fire Becomes Her by Rosiee Thor (February 3)

I am very into politics in fantasy, so I’m really excited to pick this one up! It’s a Jazz Age (1920s, U.S.)-inspired YA fantasy—a world where magic buys votes, and a MC who’s get involved in a political campaign to elevate her status, but has to figure out where her loyalties lie. Includes multiple arospec and/or acespec characters!

3. Blood Scion by Deborah F. Savoy (March 2)

This books is full of rage against colonization and is inspired by Yoruba-Nigerian mythology, and I’m very 👀 about it! It’s a dark YA fantasy about a teenager with fire magic who’s forced to be a soldier. If her powers are discovered, she’ll be killed, but she plans to use her forced conscription as a chance to destroy the brutal regime from within.

4. Lakelore by Anna-Marie McLemore (March 8)

Magical world under a lake? Characters who haven’t spoken in years who suddenly have to work together? Sign me up! The two MCs (both nonbinary, Latinx, neurodivergent teenagers) are the only people in their town who have visited this mythical world under the lake—but when the boundaries between the two worlds blur, they’re forced to team up to keep them separate (and their own secrets hidden).

5. The City of Dusk by Tara Sim (March 22)

Queer epic fantasy!! The four gods of the world have withdrawn their favor from the city, and all the realms are dying. The four heirs to the gods—a necromancer, and elementalist, a shadow-wielding rogue, and a soldier—must ally to save the city. I’m very intrigued by how this book (slash series) twists the chosen one trope—the MCs were chosen by the gods, but the gods abandoned them—and now the MCs are saying screw you, we’ll save our world anyways.

6. The Blood Trials by Nia Davenport (March 30)

My love of science fantasy strikes again! This one’s about a young Black woman harboring secret blood magic who pledges herself to deadly trials to become an elite warrior—because her grandfather’s been murdered, and surviving the trials is the best way to find out who killed him. I keep hearing really good things about this one, I’m excited to pick it up!

7. Kaikeyi by Vaishnavi Patel (April 26)

I love mythology retellings, particularly ones that center women, so of course this one ended up on my list! This one is a retelling of the story of the vilified queen from the Indian epic the Ramayana. Kaikeyi grows up hearing stories about the gods, but they never answer her calls for help. Instead, she discovers her own magic and becomes a powerful queen—but her path defies the destiny the gods chose for her family, and she has to decide if resisting is worth it.

8. Under Fortunate Stars by Ren Hutchings (May 10)

I love the time travel premise of this one! A research vessel rescues a run-down freighter and discovers the crew are legends from their own history. Meanwhile, the crew of the freighter was running from a war and fell through a strange rift—and the ship that rescued them claims to be from their future. Time crunch as both ships are stuck in the rift and running out of power! History isn’t what they think it is! Queer space opera with ensemble cast!

9. Silk Fire by Zabé Ellor (July 5)

Dragons, necromancers, corrupt politics….very much want to read this epic fantasy! It’s about a courtesan who tries to sabotage his aristocratic father’s campaign—but his involvement in politics gets more intense after he gets draconic powers from a dying god. Features queer characters and polyamory!

10. The Book Eaters by Sunyi Dean (August 9)

This premise sounds so good, and I’m into the intense family relationships! This one’s a contemporary fantasy about a secret group that eats books—and retains their content after devouring them. The main character grew up only allowed to eat books “for women”—but now her son has a darker power, and the simple stories she’s been told all her life are not enough. It’s about motherhood and queer identity, sacrifice and hope, and the way stories are used to control people.

tagging: @sircarolyn, @whoteacheswho, @presidentromana, @isolatedphenomenon, @oflightningandstars, @custardhoneybee, @mistressoakdown, @loombarrow, @gallifrogs, @best-enemies, @mayagender, @thebraxiatelcollection

#god there are so many really intriguing SFF books being published!!#i want to read them all!!#books #ramblings #tag games

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admiringlove · 3 years

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IX: aparecium; an incantation to always remember.

— you finally read all the other pages of his diary.

+pairing: miya atsumu x reader.

+genre: crossover(hq x hp); fluff; angst; frenemies to lovers.

+word count: 2.9k.

+warnings: FLUFF!! pls, if i don’t put fluff, some of my moots would cry(*cough* ray).

+usual customers(taglist): @babyworld @renee1414 @anotherhydrangea @seita @tobiosnoelle @weebslxt @tsukkiwaifu16 @loveusandoor @kozumebri @sarawrz @crackheadsara @kyuudere @cultsax @supernovaa-a @akaashikeijisan @b3llo-there @sugasloverr @kagebunshiin @tetsurolls @velvetfireworks @kritiiiii @1wai@seijohlogy @sweetrosemilktea @bellesowl @ems1des @akaashi-todorki @sakuric @irishhbamb @sweetsamus @cherriechurros @mxshimoo @bluebirdandcomrades @zukuroo @denki-core @sarahvvictoria @littlevoxine

+author’s notes: this is the last chapter(im def not sad) BUT i will be writing bonus parts!!

+navigation: previous, masterlist,.

You stand in front of your apartment, sighing as you close your eyes, making your way inside your bedroom and begin to pick up the cardboard boxes with the help of your wand, moving them outside into the living room for someone(who is quite late, yet again) to take to your new home.

You tie your hair up, fixing your overcoat a little as you sigh, making your way to the smallest box, placed in the corner of the room. Just by looking at the stamp on top of it, you smile.

The memories of your time at Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

You carefully sit on your knees, your plaid skirt riding up just a smidge, as you open the carton in front of you.

To say that it was filled up completely was an understatement because right now, a few books and photographs fell out onto your lap, making you chuckle. You picked up the photographs, settling with your back against the wall and your legs stretching out, as you looked through them one by one.

The first one—one of your graduation ceremony, standing next to Shimizu Kiyoko(the current owner of the most popular Quidditch shop in London) who was beaming vividly at the camera with you, holding up your wands as a gesture that you had finally done it. Something that seemed almost insurmountable when you first started school, and now? You all were content, happy with your lives.

The second photograph was one from the third year, your first time in Hogsmeade. You were in The Three Broomsticks, and a mustache of the froth from the butterbeer had formed atop your lips. Behind you, a certain fox pointed and laughed his guts out.

The next picture was from the Shrieking Shack—where all of your friends had ditched the second last day of school and spent the whole day drinking and reminiscing the past seven years of nostalgic happiness. A boy held your hand with the fondest look in his carob orbs, and you returned it.

You gingerly took the three photos, storing them in the photo album that had also fallen out of the box in the process of you opening it. Smiling, you took out some more mementos.

Your broomstick, the Nimbus 2001, sat at the bottom, but you excitedly removed it and placed it on the ground, saying, "Up!"

It almost made it to your hand but fell down upon grazing your fingertips. You pouted, blaming the number of years it had passed since you had played Quidditch. Peering into the box as you placed the broomstick aside, you found something even funnier.

Cheap, piss colored hair-dye that was almost ten-years-old.

You chuckled, looking at it playfully as you opened the top of the bottle. The disgusting odor that came from it made you grunt as you immediately placed the cap back on top, never desiring to touch that thing ever again. And once more, you placed the item in your hand to the side, looking into the box to find more things that reminded you of your happiest years.

You couldn't believe your eyes at what sat at the bottom of the carton.

An empty notebook with a soft leather cover, with a grey quill by its side, sitting there and ridiculing you.

You blinked twice, making sure what you were seeing was real. Hell, you even rubbed your eyes until you could see mindless patterns in the dark. You opened your eyes, the patterns making themselves sort of visible in plain sight, disappearing after a few milliseconds when you grabbed the brown book in front of you and whispered with your wand in hand, "Aparecium."

September 2, 20**.

I don’t know what I’m doing at this point. It’s been 3 years since I started loving her. When I saw her walk into the train today, umm, yesterday cause it’s past 2 AM now… I felt so happy?? I mean, I know I tease her and all, she’s quite amazing. She’s got the brains for it all and insults me back even when I say something stupid. I really dunno. 3 years and I’ve made 0 progress. I seriously need to re-think my decision about my love for this girl 'cause 'Samu says there’s no chance she loves me back. Dunno if I’ll be able to stop my feelings, though. I’ve liked her since my second year. Damn me, for being such a lovesick puppy. And to think I colored my hair for her too. [Y/N] called it piss-colored. Out of all things, why the fuck would ya compare somebody’s hair to piss? That’s utterly disgusting. I wonder where [L/N] gets these dumb ideas. Damn her, that slug. Anyways, I have class in a couple hours. G'night.

'Tsumu.

You immediately let out a hearty laugh, flipping to the next page when you remembered a certain encounter with the boy who wrote the diary. The day he told you he loved you, by the infamous Black Lake, he spoke of this particular page. He said that he addressed the nightly trips around Hogwarts, about how much he longs to be yours, about his happiness when he sees you, and your snarky comments that are just as, if not more, witty than his.

September 4, 20**

Today was the third day of school. Also my first trip around Hogwarts with [Y/N] under my invisibility cloak. We snuck into the kitchens and got ourselves steak pies and treacle tarts, and then went to the Astronomy Tower where we ate them while laughing about nothing in particular. I love these little trips. They make me all warm and fuzzy inside. Dunno how to put it into words, but I really like spending time with her alone. It makes me really really really happy. I wish that someday, maybe when I'm all grown up and play for a known Quidditch Team and she's a DADA professor, we are still like this. Going around to aimless places, eating food, and laughing about the old times(or anything really, I just want to be with her even when I'm older). And just like always, she doesn't fail to throw dumb comebacks at me. I can't help but chuckle at them, because sometimes they really are offensive. Well, looks like it's time to hit the hay now, so g'night.

'Tsumu.

You gasp as the page comes to an end, a hand on your mouth. He wasn't wrong when he said he wrote about you. You smile as a tear runs down your cheek as you flip to a random page this time, and you realize that it's written in his sixth year of Hogwarts.

December 23, 20**

I stayed back for Christmas break this year and my dorm is all empty. So is hers, because she says she didn't want to go back home at all until the summer. I feel bad for her gran, that woman must feel lonely.

You giggled at the line, grinning because you remember your grandma sending you a Howler, which yelled at you in the empty dorm-room for not coming home for the holidays. She said she missed you, and that your grandfather's health was deteriorating. She had also said that she knew why you didn't come back, and that it was okay, because she understood that you couldn't see another loved one go. The Howler ended on a sorrowful note, but everything eased back into its place because you remember the writer of the diary in your hands being there to comfort you when a dreaded letter came in after the holidays. You continued reading where you left off, wiping away the new wave of tears that had emerged from the memories.

Yesterday, me and [Y/N] went around the castle under the invisibility cloak I gave her. It was fun because I always get to see this little smile on her face that only shows up during these trips. We also went to the forbidden section of the library just because we wanted to look at a few spells that are probably illegal. I did accidentally kill a rat practicing the second unforgivable curse, and [Y/N] helped me hide all the evidence by feeding the dead rat to the Hippogriff she had found in the Forbidden Forest. I swear, if someone saw the way I did the spell and couldn't stop until [Y/N] threw Expelliarmus at me, they would throw me in the deepest pin in Azkaban and I'd probably never be able to see [Y/N] again. Anyway, I have to go back out for dinner now. G'night.

'Tsumu.

You, again, laughed at the man's childishness. You recollect distinctly how scared he was, that he had almost pissed his pants in the Courtyard that night. You had assured him that nothing would go wrong and that your lips were completely sealed, because he was your friend of course, so you had quickly formulated a plan to help him. And yet again, you flip to a new page, one from the fifth year this time.

July 15, 20**

I hate this part every year. Ever since my third year, it sickens me to come back home for summer. I can't see her because she lives in Lambeth while I'm in Westminster with my posh family. It makes me a little angry sometimes that my family is well-known in the wizarding world because this means my summers are filled with whatever my parents want me to do. The train ride back home was definitely not quiet. It was so chaotic(mostly because of the constant bickering between me and [Y/N]) and Kita-san yelled at us at the end. That was the first time I've ever seen him get angry, so he was either really fed up or we were being too dumb. Anyway, I'm gonna miss Hogwarts a lot for the next month or so, because after that I get to see her again. Honestly? Can't wait for the sixth year. I hope she grows taller, because right now, she's quite the midget. I'll write her a letter or two, but I probably won't send all of them. G'night for now.

'Tsumu.

You continue reading it all. Page by page, parchment by parchment, word by word, letter by letter until you finally get to the last page. The one he wrote on the graduation day, where he says that he wants to marry you someday. But you don't get to read it just yet, because he walks into the room with his booming voice and boyish grin.

"[Y/N]! Sorry I'm late, sweetheart! I apparated back home as fast as I could 'cause Coach saw me slack off a lil-"

"So ya actually read it all, huh?" he smirks, walking up to you and crouching down next to you, "Ah, the last page, have ya read it yet?"

"Not the last one," you smile, "—if only I'd read these sooner, we wouldn't have gone through all that mindless drama in seventh year, right?"

"Eh, 'twas kinda worth it in the end," he shrugs, sitting down next to you and placing his thumb on your chin, "Love, you've been crying?"

You shook your head lightly, letting out a small chuckle which to him sounded like the sweetest melody on the face on the planet, "Tears of joy, 'Tsumu. You were a cute teenager in love."

He smiles with his teeth on display, his fading blonde hair falling on his face with perfection as he whispers, "Only for you, darling."

"I'm glad," you mutter, closing in and placing a ghost of a kiss on his lips when you realize, "Wait, shit! We have to take all of this to the House! I'm supposed to leave for Hogwarts tonight!"

"Kiss me first, then we'll talk."

"'Tsumu, you really didn't have to come all the way to Hogwarts to drop me off," you giggle, as the yellow-haired man intertwines his fingers with yours quietly, giggling along with you as he says, "Hey, now yer students get to see yer hot boyfriend that you've been with for the past eight years."

"My stupid boyfriend that did a lot of illegal things in school. You're not exactly a good influence, you know," you mumble, earning a little offended open-mouth Atsumu walking alongside you to your quarters. He continues faking the vexed expression, a hand on his heart as he says, "How could ya wound me like this, baby?"

"I love you though, so it's justified," you say, opening the door and placing your trunk by the bed. He closes the door, leaning on it with his arms crossed over his chest as you set up your things in the room. When you turned around, you saw Atsumu looking at you with the most enamored look in his clove-infused eyes. You sighed, your shoulders immediately relaxing when your orbs land on him by the door. You step towards him, your beige trench coat trailing behind as you wrap your arms around his very muscular figure(now that he's a part of Nottingham Jackals as a Beater).

"You're going to leave, aren't you?" you mumble against his chest softly, as he chuckles out, "Yer lucky ya get to stay in Hogwarts when I'm gone. Everything's gonna remind ya of me."

Before you open your mouth to retort, your boyfriend says, "Don't worry, slug. I'll send ya letters everyday. And I'll come to meet ya twice a month. Maybe you can even let me meet yer students."

"'Tsumu, no-"

"Imagine! Children and teenagers, all of 'em love me to death. They'll love yer class, even more, when you make me meet 'em!" he exclaims, his eyes filled with curiosity, "Also, also! What about the third years? I wanna be there when the boggart lesson goes on-"

"'Tsumu, no. The school won't allow it. Although, my students do come and ask about you a lot because they like your Quidditch playing skills. They're not idiots like me, they won't fall in love with your stupid personality," you chuckle, pulling away from the hug, but still holding his arms with yours. He pouts, pulling you into a soft kiss, but immediately pulling away and winking at you, "I'm gonna see ya in a few weeks. Maybe I'll take ya on a date to Hogsmeade again, we can sneak into the Shrieking Shack again under that invisibility cloak."

"'Tsumu, I'm a teacher, not a student!" you laugh, but he simply says, "If anything, that gives us an excuse!"

Miya Atsumu never expected you to be agitatedly running around in your green-room, trying to find things for your hair and make-up. He chuckles lightly because all the other people in the room can do is shake their heads and sigh at your frantic state. Your maid-of-honor, Kiyoko, tried to calm you down about half an hour ago, but it was to no avail.

Atsumu sent Kiyoko a knowing glance, to which she and all the other bridesmaids stepped outside for just a minute.

"[Y/N]," he says, his voice low but still soothing. You stop in your tracks, turning around and gasping as you looked at him—clad in sweatpants and a white shirt—and widened your eyes.

"Dummy, you aren't supposed to see me just yet! Go away and wait at the altar!" you yell, walking over to him and attempting to shove him outside the room.

Emphasis on the word, 'attempting'.

"You look exactly like what you are right now, a slug. So listen to me, love. I need to give ya something before you start stressin' out all over again," Atsumu murmurs, placing his hands on your shoulders tenderly as he pulls out a book with a leather cover and hands it to you.

You sigh, picking it up as you sit down by the vanity. Atsumu looms behind you, crouching down to whisper next to your ears, "Love, open the last page, will ya?"

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion, turning your head to look at him with exasperation. He places a peck to your cheek, humming indulgently as an indicator for you to continue as he instructed. You sigh again, shoulders drooping low as you turn over the book and open it, and muttering, "Aparecium."

July 2, 20**.

I want to marry [L/N] [Y/N] someday.

Miya Atsumu.

From the last day of the seventh year, and Atsumu continues to explain to you that during the train ride back home when all of you were sleeping, was when he wrote the last entry of his diary, and never opened it again. Because he knew, that he meant every word scribbled on every page.

You sat there, listening to the man with the messy faded blonde hair, losing yourself in his perfect brown eyes all over again. You felt as if you were diving deep into an ocean of pure chocolate, the sweetness and the slight bitterness getting the best of you as you drown—but voluntarily, because drowning was your intention.

"I love you, Atsumu," you say out of nowhere, cutting him off. He stops abruptly, his eyes growing wide and his mouth forming into a pout. His lips form into the brightest smile ever, as if the rays of a thousand suns meeting at one point. His boyish grin melts your heart, as he presses his lips to your forehead and says, "I love you more, darling. Now, take a breather, will ya?"

"Oh, and before I go. Don't disappoint me today, slug. I've been waiting to do this for the past eleven years."

i’m not crying. yes.

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peralta-guaranteed · 3 years

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hc of amy having a bad day and struggling with mac? say he’s very clingy or also upset

Guess what, this accidentally turned into a fic too. And it kinda shifted into 'Jake and Amy having a bad day and struggling with Mac for very different reasons'... I hope you still like it!

(read it on AO3)

It had become evident pretty early on that when Mac got sick, he gravitated towards Amy much more. Sure, Jake was also sometimes good for snotty cuddles and cough-soothing baths, but at some point he would call for his mom, or whine and spread his arms towards her with his legs kicking in frustration, and it said a lot about how much Jake has grown that he didn't even hesitate to hand him over without acting hurt. Maybe the blissful calm washing over Mac's face as soon as Amy was hugging him helped with that, too. It was such a wonderful thing to see after hours of crying, coughing, sneezing, whining and general sad pouting that only a Peralta-baby is capable of, Jake barely had the energy to worry about how it felt to be so blatantly rejected by his little boy.

It'd also become evident that Mac’s clingy phase had started a bit earlier than most of their parenting books prophesied. If Amy was home, he wanted to be on her lap, or in her arms, or wrapping his little arms around her leg as she tried to work in the kitchen. Jake got “NO!”ed and waved away far more often than he was asked for a hug himself, and again, it took a lot of newfound maturity not to let that get to him - and maybe he did not have enough of that yet, because it absolutely got to him in quieter moments.

(He knew it’d pass, like any phase in a toddler’s life passes at some point. Like the phase of Mac refusing anything but that one specific carrot puree passed, or the phase of him being unable to sleep anywhere except cuddled in between them, waking up as soon as they tried to carry him back to his own bed.)

The real trouble starts when both these situations collide.

-*-

Mac woke them up at 4:30 sharp, two hours before Amy’s first alarm, crying so hard it almost sounded like screaming. When Jake tiptoed into the nursery, he had to ignore the frustrated shouts of Nonono and Mamam that he was almost used to by now, to actually check what was wrong. Probably another ear infection, he realised after seeing the symptoms they’d become very familiar with during the last time they’d battled through one of those. They had to bring him to the doctor to be sure, but he already knew they were looking forward to at least two days of unsoothable crying and fussing.

He also knew that things would be hell for Amy.

In theory, it would make far more sense for him to call in sick to take care of Mac. As much as he loved his detective work, the simple fact that his wife outranked him (and thus outdid him in both salary and responsibilities, obviously) meant that if one of them had to take a few days off, it should be him first and foremost. In practice, however, Mac was going to be even more insufferable than just from his sickness if left alone with him at the moment. He was still crying for Amy as Jake lifted him out of the cot - he would be screaming bloody murder if she closed the door of the apartment behind her.

“Earache?” Amy asked already as Jake stepped back into the bedroom, Mac’s wailing lessening only slightly as he stretched his arms out toward her. She pulled him to her as Jake sighed and nodded.

“I think so. I’ll take him to the doc when they open.” He tried to offer, but he knew Amy would refuse it anyway.

“No, I can do it. I’ll call in sick - you get back to sleep for work.”

“I’ll try.” He sighed again as he dropped onto his back while Amy was sitting up to sway Mac, who’d actually quieted down into little sobs and sniffles in her arms. “I’m sorry, Ames.”

“It’s nobody’s fault he’s sick, especially not yours.”

“Yeah, but I wish I could help more. If he wasn’t- you know.”

“I know.” Amy let her free hand not holding Mac drift through Jake’s sleep-messy curls. She knew that, as much as he tried to pretend it wasn’t bothering him, he secretly hated the thought of his son rejecting him in any way, even if it was as nonsensical as a clingy toddler phase.

Luckily it didn’t take long for him to actually fall back asleep with her hand in his hair, and she carefully wiggled out of bed to let him rest while settling down with a still crying Mac in his nursery rocking chair.

-*-

They got to get ready together as they usually did in the morning, at least - even if Amy was only getting dressed to drive to the pediatrician and straight back again. She’d already called Holt and explained the situation before Jake handed her a mug of coffee, and Mac had been, at the least, not crying for the last ten minutes while sitting in his playpen in the living room. Maybe things wouldn’t be as bad as last time.

“I can pick up whatever the doc prescribes on my lunch break.” Jake smiled at her, ruefully, and she considered telling him again that it was okay, that she could do it - but something told her to keep her options of at least a few minutes not alone with a sick toddler open.

She desperately needed that option when lunchtime came around.

Doctor Maurice had quickly confirmed their suspicions and told her that there wasn’t much more they could do than wait it out, keep an eye on his fever and medicate with ibuprofen and warm compresses. Not that any of that had helped. When Mac wasn’t crying, he was screaming, and when he wasn’t screaming, he wanted to be close to her, but he couldn’t lie down without the pain getting worse, so simply plonking down on the couch with him was out of the question. She’d let him breastfeed far more than had been their norm now that he was slowly getting weaned, because it seemed to give him some relief at least, as well as quieting him for a blissful moment. But then the infection had travelled to his stomach as well, the same way it had last time, and he staunchly refused any and all food or milk. She’d seriously started considering foregoing the diapers completely and just letting him play in the empty bathtub so she could rinse him off from time to time, because five dirty diapers in under twenty minutes had to be some sort of new record.

So when Jake texted her he was on his way, with a picture of another box of ibuprofen and that herbal steam-bath mix that had helped last time, she sent a silent thank you prayer to anyone who wanted to listen. And she mumbled a not quite as silent thank you against Jake’s lips before he could even get his shoes off at the door.

“I got you one of the good bagel sandwiches for lunch, too.” He said as he hugged her and combed through her messy hair.

“I love you so much.” She hadn’t even realised that the only thing in her stomach so far was still the cup of coffee he’d made her this morning.

He grinned as he put the deli paper bag on the kitchen counter and went over to Mac’s playpen, to say hello to a currently only softly whining toddler smacking an innocent teddy against a pile of soft fabric blocks. Amy followed to wrap her arms around his waist from behind and rest her head against his back, taking in a few deep breaths of Jake, of something that didn’t smell of diarrhea, moist compresses, milk-hiccups and spit up.

“Also Holt gave me an hour for lunch, so if you want to take a nap or something-”

“God.” Amy groaned with pure happiness as Jake turned around in her embrace. “Marry me, Mr. Perfect.”

“Any place, any time, babe.” He kissed the crown of her head while returning her hug, sniffing her hair with a chuckle. “But maybe a shower first before the big day.”

“Rude.” Amy mumbled with her face pressed against his chest. “I rescind the proposal.”

His chuckle turned into a laugh at that, and he slowly unraveled her arms around him. “Nap first, then shower, how’s that sound? Then a bagel. I’ll give Mac his lunch.”

“Good luck with that.” She sighed before giving him another quick kiss and making a beeline for the bedroom.

-*-

She’d hopped straight from bed into the bathroom later, relishing in the feeling of the hot water washing away any aches left over after that much needed nap. Alas, when she stepped out of the oh-so-peaceful bathroom, she was met with a wall of sound.

Mac was wailing, hard, as Jake swayed him back and forth, holding another warm compress against his little ear, and trying to make soothing noises despite the shrill screams of No and MAMA! straight into his face.

“Shsshhshsh, hey, it’s okay, bud, it’s okay. I know you don’t like me much at the moment, but it’s gonna be okay, and mom is coming back soon-”

He stopped as he noticed her stepping into the room, giving her an apologetic smile as she took Mac from him. The wailing turned into regular crying at least, albeit still loud.

“I’m sorry babe - did he wake you up? He won’t eat either.”

“I set an alarm, actually. So you won’t be back late.” Amy sat down on the couch and pulled up her shirt (freshly changed after the shower, and god had that felt good as well). Mac latched onto her breast almost immediately, and a wonderful quiet settled across the room, only his little snuffling and suckling noises breaking through.

Jake’s face was unreadable before he turned towards the kitchen to plate her bagel, but that stoic, almost empty expression told her enough anyway. She grabbed his wrist as he set the plate down on the couch table, pulled softly until he sat down next to her, running her fingers through his hair again to comfort him.

“You know it’s not true, right?”

“Hm?” Jake looked up at her after watching Mac, who finally seemed to calm down completely in her arm, with a vacant look in his eyes.

“It’s not true that he doesn’t like you. He loves you just as much as me. It’s just a difficult phase.”

“I know that.” Jake’s attempt at a smile was still sad enough, and she wiped across the corner of it with the soft tip of her thumb.

“And I love you too. So much.”

“I know that.” And this new smile seemed to turn out right, at least. “You wanna re-marry me, after all.” He teased as he leant his head against her shoulder, looking down at Mac again with a much less forlorn expression.

“Hey, I rescinded that proposal!” She quipped back, falling into their usual banter easily now that she was rested enough and sure that Jake felt better as well. “But I might consider re-re-proposing again if you promise to pick up Polish for dinner.”

“I knew you only wanted me for all the free food delivery.”

“I also need you for other things.” Amy said as she sat up a bit straighter to finish Mac’s feeding, Jake’s head lifting off of her shoulder with the movement. “Like burping your kid. I really don’t want spit-up down this fresh shirt.”

“Aye aye, Sergeant.” Jake joked, already scrabbling for the burp cloth thrown over the armchair next to them and taking Mac out of her arms.

She watched him as he expertly settled the little, squirming bundle against his chest, the swaying and patting motion almost second nature by now, ducking his head down for a quick sniff of that perfect toddler hair scent. He’d have to leave for the precinct soon enough, and she certainly wasn’t looking forward to the rest of the afternoon probably being a reprise of her entire morning, and she didn’t even want to think about the night or next day to come.

Life with a toddler was unpredictable. Almost nothing was in her control anymore. But, as she’d learned over the years, as long as she was with the right people, she could handle anything. And Jake Peralta proved, again and again, that he was the right person for her.

#b99 #brooklyn 99 #jake peralta #amy santiago #peraltiago #baby mac #mac peralta #fic #my writing

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imanes · 3 years

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Hello! You mentioned reading Piranesi a few months ago and I finally got around to reading it and I love it so much - thank you for the lovely recommendation <3 If you don't mind can you talk a little about what you loved about the book (I love hearing your thoughts)? Also have you read Jorge Luis Borges' Ficciones (I believe it inspired Piranesi)?

HELLO my friend!! first of all tysm for taking the recommendation, I'm so happy it worked for you! honestly what do I NOT love about this book? it's hard to wrap my thoughts about piranesi because it was such a lovely reading experience which i honestly need to repeat ASAP because the layers to explore in piranesi are so numerous. secondly let me admit that i haven't read any borges yet BUT he's definitely on my radar and I've been looking for his books on my used bookstore runs since i read piranesi, not to much avail unfortunately but i added ficciones to my tbr for reminder!!

anyways I'm gonna stop right here for anyone who has not read piranesi yet because i think you'd benefit from going into it not knowing much except that it's told in vignettes and that it has elements of mystery which become more and more central to the plot as we advance and unravel the world that piranesi lives in. so don't keep reading past this if u haven't read piranesi yet! i did keep it spoiler-free though so no pressure. also putting everything under a read more bc i truly was obnoxiously verbose adlkjglsjk if it didn't work my apologies 4 it

NOW let's talk about what i loved about the book which honestly will probably just be a flimsy overview bc again i think a re-read would make what i love about it more salient and richer but i guess we can already have a start here!

first of all, the character of piranesi. when i first started the book and immersed myself in his inner voice, i was kind of thinking ok there must be a reason as to why he is so incredibly wholesome but also with an extremely sharp mind and immaculate observation skills. the childlike wonder of his perspective was an absolute joy to read from but also provided some tension because i think pretty early on you catch that he might be a bit of an unreliable character and that what he tells you may not match the reality of what his experiences and observations mean to the reader. you're very much the prisoner of his limited perception, his sometimes bizarre but always delightful thought process, and also again the childlike wonder with which he observes the world and which makes everything carry so much more weight w/o resorting to pompous/pretentious gravitas. a statue isn't just a statue to him, it is the Statue, something important in and of itself, with its own story/mythos and it harkens back to a child's point of view which hasn't yet been shaped by the world and therefore isn't as limited as our jaded adults' minds, even though he is an adult himself, which is apparent in his very keen mind.

then we have the form, with the novel being told in vignettes. i personally really like novels such as these because they feel a lot more personal but also propels the story forward. I'm not a fan of huge chapters tbh because my attention span is trash lmao. it was so easy to immerse myself in his world because the writing was so vivid and honestly made me reevaluate a lot about myself adjdjslg. I'm not much of a quote person but "the Beauty of the House is immeasurable; its Kindness infinite" lives rent-free in my mind because 1. it appears at two key points in the novel and both iterations echo the other brilliantly in their respective context and thus add even more meaning to the quote and 2. i think it's a beautiful metaphor for the world we live in, which leads me to the next point

what i mostly clung to during my reading experience was the theme of confinement to a specific physical space, which can feel suffocating and limited. susanna clarke suffers from a chronic illness that has kept her within the confines of her home for many years and this book very much reflects that. from my personal experience with that theme, i was less reminded of how thematically relevant it was in the middle of a pandemic, and more about how much goodness there is still in this world at a time where everything seems so bleak, and unkind. i myself suffer from an ugly case of chronic cynicism which i think is very unappealing lmao but at least I'm self-aware! being reminded that we live in a world where kindness is indeed infinite in the smallest and biggest of ways is the balm that my shriveled soul truly needed. i guess it's my emotional support quote lmao.

then we have the setting of the book which, while limited spatially, is also so full of wonderful things and imaginative configurations that i was just in awe of everything that was being done with it. the plot is closely tied to the setting and i really want to keep this spoiler-free (just in case) so I'm not going to delve too deeply into it but i'd love to visit this place and have piranesi guide me through the labyrinth of the House and the many wonders (and tragedies) that it holds.

finally we have the MYSTERY and omg i love picking up the clues and kind of forming my own theories along the way bc it truly isn't an in-your-face mystery like a thriller would be. we buddy-read this with some ppl from the book club so the experience of sharing our theories made it all the more pleasant. i really loved how clarke presented the many mysteries of the story in such a subtle yet gripping manner that soon i was just obsessed with knowing who was whom and what they wanted from piranesi and who piranesi was and how this all came to be. all the different players felt fully fleshed out and made me feel veeeery strongly (i.e. i wanted to kill some of them like literally daydreaming about choking them to death... not to sound unhinged or anything). they provided such good foils to piranesi's inherent goodness and all that they lacked in terms of decency. their shamelessness and infinite greed and how they see piranesi as a pawn to use set my teeth on edge so i was just biding my time for the karmic retribution that they'd get akjdlkgj also great exploration of how ambition can be the downfall of mankind

then we have all the clever-people-themes of neoclassicism and philosophy and plato's cave and whatnot and it's not what held my attention so i can't speak much on it bc I'm not one of those clever people who picked upon these themes LMAO but I'll for sure spend more time unpacking these layers on my re-read of this book because there are so many smart ideas hidden in the nooks and crannies of this story that i think you could get something different from each read, kind of like i feel about pride & prejudice by jane austen which offers me new delights to enjoy upon each re-read.

honestly i have so much more to say about how religion is handled, the rituals surrounding grief and their importance in the celebration and respect of of life, birds being amazing creatures, identity and how it can create contradictions etc etc but at this point i might as well just write a college essay on literally every theme explored in this book because it was just SO GOOD! thank u piranesi for me life

tl;dr this book made me feel like my brain was buried in a thick coat of dust and let some much-needed air in

#also i read this message at like 6am and thought long and hard about it #and then started crying bc i'd die and kill for piranesi period

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wehatejulietsimms · 3 years

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This is an Andy appreciation post. I’m re-listening to Vale because I never understood.

It has much religious imagery but it’s *more* than just metaphors and analogies.

There’s four views I’ve understood finally and maybe more.

I will not mention anything of the specifics BVB is fighting against in Vale because like I said, this is an appreciation post and I don’t want to bring up anything negative if I don’t have to make it a point. If anyone wants me to go further into detail about what specifically I feel is going on, just ask because my gut has a keen reception on lyrics and events.

1. Religious persecution:

To the unawakened folks or the ones that progressively sin in the name of God.

Fighting for equality that when people fuck up, it isn’t the death of them. Just the death of an ego and awakening into more self compassion.

2. Talking to the fans that are blind to reality

In many songs off Vale, Andy always talks about preaching but never fully being heard from the blind and innocent. He’s tired but he will keep fighting, because he wants to make an active change to the community in a way he can but feels weak from time to time, yet never giving up!

3. Ashley

When Ashley was outed publicly, Andy never dedicated this song to him but posted the lyrics with no caption when Ashley was accused. Throw the first stone.

4. Letter to self: acknowledging this is an end of a cycle. Hint: the album name and song lyrics.

Our Destiny is a big one. It’s not just a rock love song about trying to save a destiny between two people. It’s saving himself from his past “sins” “fuckups” and saying it’s not too late to heal, which it’s never too hate to heal from the past and present. I feel like it’s “hey, I’m going into ashes now but I’ve already made amends with it and I’ll rise again and again, however many times to make it out of mental and physical surroundings.” Also, I feel it was referencing Lost it All in a way, like most of his songs do, it’s a personal and universal message that there’s so much shit in life that will knock you down and you will heal while STILL in a hurt place physically. I really want to appreciate that truth that there’s a lot of healing that still is in the midst of pain. (Props to you, Andy!) Many abusive childhoods can resonate with that as well as being stuck in relationships/friendships/or generational curses including being in debt. (Which he mentions a lot in interviews) I really do think he’s gonna get out because he’s such a wise soul and nobody gives him props to healing, and being such a mature wise man even though he’s not at his highest or best surroundings. I mean, I don’t know any other artist that’s stuck in a shitty situation and is still uplifting, real, and promotes healing and is why so many BVB army members resonate with the music. I really respect he says that people heal themselves but use his music as a resonating device to heal, when fans say he’s their hero.

Andy has overcome addictions, has had to protect his life many times, has written so much uplifting and real wisdom from a dark place of mind or just straight up otherworldly strength and vulnerability which I admire because it’s beautiful and real, doesn’t have many real helpful people around him, has been a real role model by himself, is overcoming shame and lies & generation healing, he’s really had to rely on himself and I’m glad his band members really allow him to take control of the lyrics in such an inspiring way. Even though he’s still dealing and people pleasing to toxic people, remember everyone, people in abusive relationships and are trapped have to people please in order to stay alive and not get harmed. Many don’t understand that if they’ve never been abused. (They don’t need to understand, Andy! We see it) His perseverance is real and don’t judge someone for figuring out their own life. Sometimes freedom comes from music (even though other aspects from the rock industry contradict it). Let’s be supportive of him right now because he’s branching off into a new territory and finding out what’s working for him SAFELY. Yes, I don’t agree with a lot of what he says in his insecure moments in interviews and lies in his book/irl (gotta remember that’s a trauma brain response), but his music speaks in a way that is truth and can help many people going through many things and express it in a healthy way. Also I believe many fans live in denial about his life due to the fact that they’re probably living through it in their own life and can’t recognize it in another person. Or are attracted to his light but want nothing to do to help keep it alive as in tearing him down (secret haters). Anyways, I respect him for going above and beyond and it’s really admirable because like I said, nobody in the industry has ever done what he’s done. His art is perseverance.

5. He’s been a role model for so many hurting depressed people because they resonate to his own story and his strength is a catalyst for their own strength. I dislike when people deny he’s been living in trauma and overcoming many times in his life because that’s literally what this band was formed into. There’s so much evidence in his life and in the music. He’s had to take on a role for his (hurt & healing) self and it naturally became a safe space for BVB army to interact and resonate with him. He had to do that at 18/19 and if anyone’s that age or older, you know that age is just a child. I applaud him for being that young while having no parental guidance while creating something beautiful and divine, though I do empathize for his inner child. His albums are art that are darker, not evil, and is a place where children/adults who were rejected in any form can find solace in their own mind and thus can create healing. His words are moving and you have to applaud the man for keeping it together when people of all directions were hating on his every move and it was because he has such a big heart and everyone around him wants to keep him caged out of selfishness. Even when he had meltdowns and (not saying he couldn’t also be toxic because everyone has the capacity but meltdowns get overlooked because it’s a spur of the moment thing and everyone thinks it’s a violent episode but it’s due to triggers as well as not being sober) still wanted to show up for everyone including his own self that he knows himself to be, that he didn’t want to let rot. He’s really a strong soul and it gets overlooked a lot. He’s striving for betterment of himself for more than a decade (with so much persecution even in his own circle) and people keep wishing that “I hope he gets out” and this is how he’s helping himself for the moment until he can actually get out. So again, props to him. We’re proud of you, Andy! Keep going! We believe in you. Keep taking care of your overall being. Thanks for believing in us all of these years. Some of us even made it out of the hurt place we were in and are living happy, peaceful, healthy lives after trauma.

^^i literally almost teared up reading this. this is exactly why i love him so much (& what made me fall in love with him/BVB in the first place) you said everything perfectly. i honestly wish i could pin posts on here bc i really want this to be the first thing people read on the blog. as much as people think this blog is supposed to be outright hateful, (although it contradicts the name of the blog lol) i can assure you it's not. as fans we want the best for our favorite artists and when an artist has helped/continued to help you and so many other people out of dark places it sucks to see that through that they can't help themselves. i just want the best for him and for him to be 100% happy again. that's the purpose of this blog.

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yamithediaperdork · 3 years

Text

Crime and Punishment: Jail Bird Diaries (MHA)

Crime and Punishment: Jail bird diaries

*The following is the entries from a diary recovered from the cell of one Katsuki Bakugo after serving his time in the regression jail. certain entry's have been removed as the writing was unable to be made out.*

Week 2, Day 1

So after a fucking week in this stupid fucking hell hole they dare to call a good idea, It's been suggested to me by the stupid AI I have to refer as daddy that I might calm myself down and stop adding time to my stupid fucking sentence if I vent in this stupid fucking book. I pointed out I can barley hold this stupid fucking crayon with the mittens i have to wear but a hand just came out of the wall and patted my head, telling me I'm a clever boy and I'll figure it out. I would of added anther two months onto my sentence right then and there if it wasn't for these fucking glove, even if Maybe kinda sorta..the head pat felt nice. ANYWAYS! to any assholes reading this, expect lots of fucking cursing because daddy said I can swear all i want in here and I have a back flow I need to get out. I mean with all the stupid fucking bull shit I have to put up wi- And fuck me, shitting myself again. fuck this place sucks.

Week 2, Day 2

You just know it's gonna be a shit fucking day Diary when you wake up to the feeling of having a uber load in the seat of your pants patted and rubbed and being praised for being a super good pooper. I'm already not a fan of the super bulky diapers these bastard keep me in but 'daddy' has apparently registered me as a super pooper and states anything thing less wouldn't hold up to my boom booms. refer to my statement about earning more time in here from the last entry for my feelings on THAT! I had figured with the massive bulk of these things at least I wouldn't have to worry about any cutesy outfits save for some t-shirt but since apparently I pissed off god, guess fucking what? No really, Guess. If you guessed they went and adjusted some of the sleepers that all the other big babies in here sleep in to fit over my massive diaper ass then ding ding ding! winner winner chicken dinner. Picture me, a man known as a murder god..and in a blue full body fuzzy care bear style with a white tummy and 'har har' the grumpy bear symbol on the belly. Fucking thing even has a hood! I swear if it wasn't for the fact the thing was soooo soft and kinda comfy, I would of found a way to rip it off. and I don't care WHAT daddy claims, I only dropped right off to sleep in it because he drugged my milk, not because I felt warm and safe. Fuck this place!! I never thought I'd be semi ok with the stupid paw patrol t-shirt and my giga diapers on display.. anyways wrapping this up, apparently I'm having more fucking visitors today. fucking yay..

Week 2, Day 3

Oh my fucking god. yesterday would just NOT fucking stop. apparently it was some sort of official visitors day or some bull shit like that. 4 fucking visitors and three of them not fucking Deku who's trying to make it a point to show up every day as support. first up was mister shock and awe himself Denki. He just couldn't get that stupid grin off his face and kept gushing about how cute I was and how much he wished he could of came in and given me butt pats. I was about ready to snarl that he couldn't when a couple of daddies arms came and took a firm hold on me to keep me from bolting and then the cell door opened up. "Come on in! Katsuki can use all the butt pats he can get. I know he'll act like he hates them but all little guys like him love them." Daddy said. Like, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK! So in from that stupid blond and the door shuts and daddy tells me to turn around and present my rump for pats. Like I was gonna fucking listen to THAT and turned around to tell the speaker box his voice comes from as much and well.. Ok You see my mistake? I swear I was turning to tell daddy off but according to him and Denki I turned around like a good little boy eager for my bum pats and before I could get a god damn word out that's what was happening. talk about major fucking blushing going on and gah, not proud to say this but without a second thought i spread my legs a little so that he could get a better pat going on and it MIGHTA of sorta felt nice for all of 0.0000001 seconds! Daddy and Denki are lying sacks of shit when they say i coo'ed! Basically spent the rest of Denki's visit after that over his lap, getting butt pats and back rubs and being told just how cute I am and how much he prefers me like this. if it wasn't for the fact punching a visitor would of netted me a extra year I woulda slugged him. that the only reason i went along with it..

after a hour he left and Daddy was praising me for being a super good boy and rewarded me with chocolate milk in a bottle instead of the normal formula and put some power rangers instead of paw patrol on TV. I mighta zoned out holding my bottle with both hands cuz of the mittens and chugging and watching that I didn't notice my next guest till I heard the giggle. whipping my head around and giving me one hell of a neck ache thats still kinda here, I saw what looked like a school girls outfit standing up on it's own and knew it was Tooru. "oh my gosh don't stop because of me! that was sooo cute! I wish they hadn't of taken away my cell phone i would of taken the cutest video!" she gushed and clapped. I held up both hands and because of the mittens she thought I was showing I wanted uppies but I think you know what i was really doing Diary. Of course daddy let her in too and she kept giving me heads and patting my head and asking daddy all sorts of questions about my treatment and like.. ugh. I felt like a toddler getting hugs and attention but ignored while the adults talked. she tugged me onto her lap and kept rocking me and tickling my tummy and it took me awhile to figure out what she was trying to do, she was trying to make me crap myself during her visiting time! well she left half disappointed because even though i was cramping, all i did was wet my diapers so I'll count it as a win. ...that said about 10 seconds after she left I was squatting and totally loading these stupid diapers to the brim.

Thankfully for what tiny bit of pride I've managed to hold onto, while my diaper change took what fucking seemed like forever, I was re-diapered and daddy was in the process of tossing the stinky one when my next guest arrive. because I'm Mr. fucking popular. It was Deku of course and because he's been here so often he's got a special pass that just lets him come in. He was in the middle of saying hi when his nose wrinkled and then he covered it and coughed a little . "oh, somebody just had a diapie change I uh..smell." he said sheepishly. "Oh yeah, little guy is living up to his label as a super pooper." Daddy said. "oh my god freaking stop calling me that!" I whined and uh..Maybe didn't help with trying to give off a big boy image because I was still on the changing table and grabbed a stuffed bear and put it over my face. "oh my gosh, CUTE!" Deku squealed and daddy was laughing. Like..fuck. it's bad enough when the shit they're making me do gets that reaction..then i fucking set myself up for it. getting off of the changing Table me and Deku did our normal catch up and I once again begged him to try and get the other kids in 1-a to stop coming here, telling him about Denki and Tooru. the green haired bastard just told me everyone missed me and wanted to make sure I was doing ok and not to be such a grumpy Gus. I swear I almost took the extra year right then and there. Instead I switched the convo to talking about what was going on at school and what I had missed and yeah.. it was kinda nice catching up a little bit. I hadn't dared asked till now worried it might just trigger a fit that was going to add time on you know? and Deku was nice, not rubbing it in or at least trying not to that they were going on bigger and more exciting field trips and shadowing full on heroes this week. I think it helped that while we talked I started to color in one of the coloring books Daddy provided and Deku joined in, though his picture was colored in a lot better then mine cuz well he has full use of his hands. As his time ran out and it was time for him to go, Deku made me blush like crazy when he asked if he could have the picture I colored to hang up on his wall and asked if I'd color more pretty pictures for him. being at a lost of words, I just nodded my head.

After Deku left daddy said it was time for a quick lunch and then a nap, I was clearly worn out and had one more person to go. I just sighed and went along with it because it's not like I would of really had a say in it anyways. again apparently my behavior for the day was having a effect on my dining choice because while I was put in the same high chair I normally was, instead of yucky baby food I got some cut up chicken nuggets and fries. I wonder how good I'll have to be to score a medium rare steak? anyways, after lunch and a burping I was put down for a nap and woke up to the sound of the door to my nursery prison. I was still groggy and stuff so when I rolled over and looked up to see the face of my mother, i just thought I was dreaming for a second and gave a tiny giggle and ugghhh.. say "hi Mommy." it wasn't till she broke out laughing I realized she was really there. She was..very amused to say the least and told me she had canceled the cruise she was on and flew back home as soon as she could when she'd found out the news. she mentioned that she had been made aware that there WAS a option to give me a form of parole in that I could go and move back in with her for the term of my sentence and she could let me get away with just pull ups and she had been thinking about exercising it..Until she fucking saw me in here and saw how 'natural' I looked like a big baby! I'm...I'm not proud to say I mighta of broken down bawling and begging her to let me come home with her, and ugh.. as I got more hysterical I ended up promising to be the bestest little boy ever. Mom just hushed me and picked me out of the crib I'd been in and hugged me to her chest, patting my squishy bottom (Hey, all the milk i had before going night night, you'd of wet yourself too!) I realize i never covered this before but i had been put down for my nap in just my diapers so there's THAT fun mental picture of me in my booties and mitts and soggy huggies and Mom cuddling me and trying to calm me down. I was bawling and hiccuping when she popped a paci in my mouth and sat down on a rocking chair that daddy provided and with me curled up in her lap rocked back and forth talking about how I had just proven this place was doing wonders for me and then started to ask daddy questions about where to get supplies. curled up close to mommy and hearing her heartbeat.. I..Fell back asleep.

Thankfully no ones coming today, not even Deku since he's busy..I just don't know if I could handle it after yesterday. and yeah, the rest of the day after I fell asleep in mom's lap was just a blur. fuck.. I need to get out of here.

Week 2, Day 6

Know I ignored you for a bit there kinda Diary, I went to write in you but just came out all mixed up and crossed it out. I've mostly docile since Mom's visit and uh..kinda sorta.. I dunno. Kinda wish Deku would come by. I know he's got that big shadowing All might thing going on but..Fuck. I dunno. Daddy keeps going on about me almost hitting a critical point in the program and I don't know about that..I just..I almost wish mom HADN'T of told me about how i could of been at home you know? I was struggling with this before finding that out. I'm spending the day in my sleeper t'day, I just wanna feel all..I don't fucking know.. small and safe? and that helps with it and daddy was more then understanding when I asked to. It just has to come off when I'm eating and stuff and well, semi gone back to the baby food but still getting milk milk. and the baby food is a yummy flavor at least. I dunno Diary, I think thats it for today. Katsuki out.

Week 3, Day 5

Man, looking back on the past couple of entries I did between here and last week and even I can't make out what the heck I wrote. guess a semi recap is in order. Midoriya ended up visiting me during supper on day six of last week and asked if I had any more pretty pictures for him. I hadn't thought I'd actually done any but I guess in the semi daze I'd been in I had and daddy brought them out for him. I told him about mommy visiting and he was really sympathetic and agrees that she shouldn't of told me about the possible parole if I wasn't gonna get it, He had known but well.. knowing my mom like he does had already figured out what she'd picked. He just didn't wanna get my hopes up. Daddy let him take over feeding me and I dunno..it was kinda nice and stuff. we watched a bit of TV after till I started farting lots and Midoriya tactfully left before I ended up going poopies in front of him saying he knew I was in a fragile place and promised to visit the next day. Day 7 was basically the normal same old same old, got out of my sleeper, breakfast and a diaper change then playing with my toys and watching tv till Midoriya showed up. He joined in on a awesome game of Teddies VS Building blocks and I was uh.. kinda giggling like a real little guy and sooo relaxed that I didn't notice something till he brought it up, wrinkling his nose. "Katsuki, did you go poo poo?" He asked. Well, of course I said no because I hadn't felt myself go but then I got a whiff of myself and god, that was sooo embarrassing!! Midoriya ended his visit early as he knows I hate being watched during a change, but told me how much of a good boy I was and that made me blush and smile. After he left and I was all nice and clean from the poopie diaper daddy didn't dress me though, it was time for a bath and a section of the wall opened up and I was led to a fair sized tub and allowed to get in myself. Daddy got me all washed up as the tub filled up and even trusted me without my booties and mittens, though with the wall having sealed up behind me there wasn't really anywhere I could run to. with me all squeaky clean he let me play in the tub for a while as there were some toy boats and a few sea monsters and it was wayyy more relaxing then the quick showers I'm used to. finally when i was all pruney daddy drained the tub and dried me off with a nice fluffy towel and got me redressed though I was mayyybe a little more relaxed then I thought from the tub cuz I took my nap early, and ended up missing a visit from Ojiro. (Daddy said the only reason he'd interrupted my other nap was cuz well, Mom is my real mom.) Is it weird I felt bad he came ALL the way here to see me and couldn't because I was a sleepy little guy? I dunno. Man.. this place is getting to me ya know? basically lather rinse repeat for the next couple of days, being fed, playing with toys, watching cartoons, and filling my diapers. getting to see Midoriya and hand out and yeahh. Yesterday Ojiro tried again and this time I was awake and heh.. he was really nice about it and told me he forgave me already when i whined out a sorry for being asleep the last time. in his own words he really should of called ahead since little guys like me are prone to impromptu naps. After that we played blocks for a little while and he just kept smiling so much and squirming about till daddy asked if he needed to use the potty. Ojiro blushed uber bad which in turn made me giggle like crazy and said no, but took off shortly after. I wonder what was up with him? I tried to ask daddy but he just patted my head and told me to color a picture for Midoriya, so I guess I'll ask him when he comes over today.

Week 3 Day 7

Midoriya just laughed when i asked him my question and still won't answer it, even after i threatened NOT to make him any more pretty pictures. Daddy and him both found my threat to be funny and cute though so I guess that's good. Denki came to see me again and was all about patting my butt again and playing peek a boo with me.. which Ok. was fun for like a little bit buttt he reallly carried it on for too long but when i said I was getting bored we swapped over to playing with stuffies till his time was up. Well ok, I played with them and told him what was going on and he just smiled and told me how creative I was and made me grin like a dork. I asked HIM about Ojiro's odd behavior before he left and he got a BIG grin on his face and said he'd be back for more details and then daddy scolded me about not sticking in other peoples affairs. I'm so confused. The next day Midoriya was here and something reallly 'brassing happened.. I had gone boom boom once again and He was going to leave..but daddy asked him if he wanted to help change me!!! I don't know who was blushing more, me or him! In any case, after Midoriya helped cleaned my butt up and daddy re-diapered me, He took off all squirmy and blushing and daddy joked about me having a effect on all the boys.. whatever THAT'S suppose to mean. Mommy is coming by later today and I hope I don't spend her whole visit sobbing again like a crybaby.. though daddy said it's ok if I do cuz it's a big part of my rehab.

Week 4 Day 1

Sooo..who's got two thumbs and ended up crying himself to a early bedtime in mommies arms yesterday? THIS guy. she came in as I was having supper and technically it was too late for her to be there but they made a exception. I was already kinda.. whinny.. when it looked like she wasn't going to show but then daddy said she could only be there for half a hour. Mommy explained that she got stuck waiting on a delivery of things she's going to need for me in the future and took over feeding me the rest of my supper while I whined and huffed that I had waited allll day on her. It wasn't till after she had given me my ba-ba in her lap and burped me I thought to ask what she had ordered. She just smiled and told me not to worry about it and to be a good little boy and kissed my forehead and I.. I totally fudged my huggies, in mommies lap. Cue meltdown and I don't even really know why..it's not like I haven't been pooping my pants for awhile now right? I don't know whether it was because I was being held, or who was holding me, or just her reaction as i did it that got to me. "Oh! Somebodies making mommy a present!" with utter delight in her voice and patting my bottom as i kept filling my pampers to the brim. I just..I just started to bawl and sob and buried my face in her shoulder and no matter how much Mommy and daddy told me it was all ok, I couldn't stop. I don't even remember going to sleep or getting a diapie change..I just woke up this morning in my crib in a soggy diaper (Yeah I've become a bed wetter, so what!) and yeahhh.. Daddy says he'll tell me who changed me, him or her when he thinks I can hear it without bawling.

Week 5 Day 5

After holding up for journal for daddy to read, he told me I need to start taking time to calm down and focus before writing, my last couple of entries were all scribbles again. he told it was very cute and brave of me to wanna share it with him though and gave me lots of awesome head pats. I guess since i didn't make sense when i originally gushed about it, i should go back over it. Just shortly after the thing with pooping my pampers in mommies lap, i just started to really like head pats and daddy took notice and has been showering me with them. just makes me all giddy and I've started to lean into them. Midoriya noticed the love of 'em took and started to give'em out! Jirou came by with Asui and it was while I was watching some Micky mouse club house and singing along. I had just went "OH TOODLES!" and heard giggles and clapping and well blushed a bit..but daddies been trying to help me embrace what a little guy I am so I forced a smile then blew a raspberry at them. told'em if they wanted to come in and visit they could, but they had to join in and help Micky out. they giggled but agreed and well for a couple of stinky girls they weren't half bad to hang out with.

They weren't as fun to hang out as Mommy when she came and visited, though I said sorry a BUNCH of times for my fit she just gave me head and butt pats and told me it was all ok. She's been twice since the stinky break down and I've managed NOT to bawl both times for the most part. I mean..i get a little teary when she has to go buttt i get it. wish she could visit more but between work and setting my room up she's been a busy bee. I asked about why she'd hafa set my room up since I always figured after this I'll be going right back to school but she just chuckled and took out the action figures she'd brought from home for me and her to play hero's and villains with. (I mean, don't get me wrong, LOVE the stuffies I have in here, and Midoriya, Denki, Kouda and Tenya have gotten me others..but action figures are sooo much easier to have do cool stuff.) Oh guess i forgot to mention a bunch of boys showed up, Kouda, Tenya, Satou, Eijirou, and ughhh.. Mineta. They showed up as a group with some presents and while 4 of them were all cool and nice.. well, one guess who was a little butt? he actually got me so worked up with his teasing I swore for the first time in ages and daddy had to wash my mouth out but he also banned him from coming back. Back to playing with mommy, it was super fun, she was the evil baddies trying to attack the peaceful stuffie village and I was the heroes saying the day and giggling as i was in just a t-shirt and my uber diapies. there was slight almost crying moment though while playing with mommy.. I went to lean forward to grab a action figure and just with like.. NO control blorted. It was loud and stinky and I guess I had the cutest look on my face. Maybe asked if I wasn't to stop playing while i finished or keep going and well..I didn't want her to be bored just sitting there watching me go blort. (Blort is a nick name for going poopie I picked up from Ojiro when he visited again, though his butt looked all puffed out and he seemed wayyy more into hugging stuffies then me. eh, go figure) Anyways, we finished up the game and I have having so much fun I MIGHTA pretended I was still blorting even after it was all out so we didn't have to pause again. I know I know, that meant sitting in my own poopie for awhile when I didn't hafa but I'm not really worried about a diaper rash or anything, they use like the best creams and powders here, and well I maybe kinda sorta like the squishy feeling.. though when i told daddy he said that's just because I haven't been able to make a big boy mess in awhile. I'm shocked my hair didn't ignite i was blushing so bad when he said that. Before you even ask diary, I waited till it was just me and daddy ta mention that.. though he hinted mommy had known I was done. He said maybe tomorrow if I'm super duper good today I can get a milking which confused me at first since I don't have boobies. thennn he explained it out and um yeah.. lots of blushies and gonna try and be on my bestest behavior.

Week 9, Day 3

Sowwy been 'noring you. dis too busy hasing fun wiff everyone. daddy said it's otay though and told me to make at least one last entry in ya. Ummm otay. Sooo Turns out dat Ojiro and Denki are now all dating and kissy face and and Denki was a wanna be daddy dom and the reason Ojiro got all squirmy and silly? he was all jelly of me and my kick butt nursery! Apparently he was gonna -GIGGLE- try and git locked up in here so he could be babied and Denki just spanked his butt RED and pampered him. He's a super good at going blort too, and when they visit we have blort offs. (Score 4-3 in mah favor) Let's see...what else....Oh! Midoriya went and got a part time job as a daycare worker and 'ppently it's at a speical daycare where big babies like Ojiro n me can go, once I get out. kinda silly since i'm gonna be a uber big boy n stuff when i git out butttt daddy is always telling me to be polite sooo i nodded. He's been helping out wiff my diapie changes when he's here and even put in a few volunteer hours here to help out. (Such a good guy!) Mommies been by A LOT more latly too and can't stop gushing bout the appent change in my attuide. she's been bringing in and taking home my action figures cuz her and daddy agreed those are toys for use only under special supervision and I kinda ended up admitting to her I like sitting in my poopies now, at least for like.. umm.. 10 minutes. She just laughed and said noted and that it worked out with one of the additions she put on my room.. whatever dat means. She still wont tell me what she's done or why I'll be going wiff her when I get out, but eh, asking too many questions is a good way to lose a milking and the way daddy does'em.. dun what dat. Ummm I fink dat's everything Diary..fanks fer helping me get though the first bit of life here n being a friend! Daddy asked me to leave you here wiff him when I get out, but he'll print a copy for me and mommy.

After half a year in baby Jail, It was a fair different Katsuki who stepped out then had gone in. and that wasn't just referring to his change in attire. His quirk had more or less been nullified over the course of his treatment via special drugs in his drinks and food though it would return if he weaned himself off of said drug. Katsuki for his part didn't seem to mind since it got him out of his baby mitts and let him use his fingers for fun stuff like finger painting. (though even the daddy AI had learned it was best to strip him to just a diaper when he was painting, the little guy liked to draw on himself and had a massive fit when daddy had washed a turtle he'd drawn on his tummy off before he could show Midoriya.) He didn't even seem to mind that he'd been released in his now familiar bulky diaper and one of his many baby tops, wearing a pair of Winnie pooh socks and sneakers and holding onto his mom's hand as he was checked out. The warden smiled and waved bye bye to him as he was signed out and Katsuki semi hide behind his mom but waved bye back and then they were heading home.

"so Um..Mommmmmy?" Katsuki asked, sitting in the back seat of mommy's car, buckled into a customized car seat just for his puffy diaper butt. "whatttty?" She asked, looking back at him via the rear view mirror and smirking. "Can you tell's me now why we're going back home and not ta school? Like..is it so I can get's my big boy clothes on?" he asked, kicking his legs ideally. "welll you've missed most of the school year as is, there's no way you'll be able to catch up. so it's been agreed that you'll just take the rest of the year off and stay with me. and Besides, you need to re-potty train buddy." his mom pointed out. "...no i don't. I can hold it." Katsuki huffed, blushing and hugging one of the stuffies he'd been able to take with him and holding it to his chest. "Katsuki..what don't good little boys do?" She asked him. "...Lie." he huffed and looked down. "and what was that you just did?" "..Lied Mommy..I sowwy.." Katsuki said and he just looked SO sad and had tears welling up. "It's ok sweetie. Mommy isn't mad. but you need to tell the truth so you can have lots and lots of head pats ok?" she said quickly. "O-Ok..I..I guess..Maybe i kinda don't have pee control anymore..but I mostly know when i hasa blort." Katsuki said. "Mhhhmmm..well we'll be keeping you in your diapies for awhile and working you back up to be kid undies for the fall unless you decide you like being mommies little guy." "pffft, wike I'll PICK ta stay like this.." he huffed and squirmed. "Well if you do..a lot of what mommies been doing while you've been in there is baby proofing the apartment and turning your room into a nursery like the one you've been in, just no daddy though." "I..wait..wut?" Katsuki asked, and squirmed. "Yup, a changing table, a crib..I got you a high chair and got a baby bouncer for you because daddy told me it's your favorite way to make big boy messes after you've blorted." She giggled. Katsuki was squirming BIG time now in the back seat, and ended up popping his paci into his mouth and sucking on it big time and hugging his stuffie to his face. "oh it's ok sweetie. Mommy knows a growing boy like you has your needs. Just make sure to get mommies help if you wanna go bouncy bouncy ok?" She asked. The poor red faced boy couldn't speak, just suckled and nodded lots. the old Katsuki would of had a bitching fit and blown his way out of the car and stormed off..but Baby Katsuki just realized maybe just because he was out of baby jail..didn't mean he wasn't still a baby. 'I'm not a jail bird anymore..this is gonna be a longggggg summer..' He thought and then sucking on his paci and the noise of the car and vibration of it, drifted off to sleep like the big baby he was.

The end

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stars-a-n-d-scars · 4 years

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Wolfstar for the soul

Sirius lay on his bed in Gryffindor tower, twiring his wand in his long, slender fingers and staring up at the canopy. Remus wondered what he was thinking about. He seemed to be wondering things like that a lot recently. What Sirius was thinking, where Sirius was going. Why Sirius made his heart flutter just by looking at him.

No, stop it. He’s your friend. Nothing more. Just a friend.

Remus’ internal conflict was interrupted by the sound of Sirius sighing. “Hey, Rem, I think I’m gonna go down to dinner. James said he wants to talk about a prank and I’m bloody starving. D’you wanna come?”

For a second Remus forgot to answer as he looked at Sirius, standing there with his tie hanging loose around his neck and that bloody leather jacket that fit him so well.

“Remus?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be down in a minute. I’m just gonna do some tidying up around here first”, was all he could manage to get out. It wasn’t a bad lie either, as the dormitory had become less of a room and more of a pile of assorted clothing, wrappers and other, less savoury items over the last few weeks.

“Kay” Sirius turned and walked out of the dormitory. Remus sank down onto his bed. God that boy took his breath away. With his long dark hair and his handsome grin, he could see why he made all the girls go crazy.

Girls, Remus. He’s straight. And even if he wasn’t, he’d never go for someone like you…

Remus shook his head as though trying to make the thought fall out, but thoughts like that had a peculiar way of sticking in Remus’ head with stubborn determination. So, he got up and started putting things away. First, he did the laundry, then he started to strip and remake the beds. He’d done his, James’ and Peter’s, and was turning to do Sirius’ when he noticed something. The corner of an open book was poking out from underneath Sirius’ pillow.

Filled with curiosity, he picked it up.

Oh, shit.

It was a diary. Remus knew he wasn’t meant to read this, and went to put it down, but something caught his eye. A little heart that seemed to be absentmindedly doodled in the top left-hand corner of the page. Remus’ heartbeat quickened.

So Sirius did like someone. Was there a chance… No! As much as Remus tried, he just couldn’t bring himself to believe that a beautiful specimen like Sirius would ever fall for an ugly, scar-covered, royally fucked-up werewolf like himself. But some part of him never stopped hoping. Ever since Remus had realized his feelings for Sirius in 3rd year, a small piece of his heart had always kept yearning for the sound of his voice, for the touch of his fingers. Maybe it was this part now that drove him to start reading, instead of putting the diary down as he knew he should.

I think I’m in love with him. I don’t know how to handle it. I’ve tried so hard to convince myself otherwise, and I almost manage, but then I look up and his fucking eyes are there being so goddamn beautiful, and I can’t lie to myself anymore. I love him.

Remus’ heart dropped like a stone. So he does like boys. And I’m still not good enough for him. He threw the book down on the floor and sank to his knees next to it. A single tear rolled down his cheek and dropped onto the page, smudging a single word. And that word changed his life.

Remus.

Hands shaking, he picked the book back up and began to re-read that sentence.

I’m in love with Remus.

He read it over and over again a thousand times. Then he read the rest of the book. It was all about him. About how Sirius had loved him since 4th year. About how his heart quickened whenever they touched, about how he couldn’t get him out of his head. And about other things too. Things that broke Remus’ heart.

I gave up today. I was sitting at the breakfast table and Remus came and sat down next to me. He looked breathtaking, as usual, but I tore my eyes away from him with great difficulty. Fuck, I have no clue what I’d do is he found out about how I feel. Anyway, just then, some first-year girl I didn’t recognize came and sat in an empty seat near us. She had clearly been crying and looked like she hadn’t eaten in weeks. Without hesitation, Remus got up to see if she was okay. He just stood up and strolled around the table to her side. Just like that. And they talked for about 10 minutes, and then she thanked him, and left.

That’s when I realized that I should give up on any hope that he’d ever love me. Because Remus if the most wonderful, loving, kind person in the world, and I don’t deserve him. I’m lucky enough to be accepted by him as a pure-blood and a Black. If he found out that a fucked-up mess like me had feelings for him, I might just lose him. And I could never deal with that. I couldn’t lose Remus.

My parents were right. No-one will ever love me. I’m worthless.

Remus didn’t know how long he sat there crying. Sirius found him lying on the floor, sobbing, his whole body shaking almost to the point of convulsion.

“Remus! Remus are you okay?”, the boy rushed over to his friend. Remus jumped up, wiping away his tears. “Re, what happened? Who did this to you? I swear, if it was Mulciber, I’ll fucking kill hi-”

That was when he noticed the book in Remus’ hand. His face collapsed. The anger was gone, but so was the handsome twinkle in his eyes. Remus was left looking at a picture of pure despair.

“Do you really love me?”, was all that Remus could say.

Hanging his head, Sirius slowly nodded. “I’m so sorry Remus. I tried to push it down, I really did, but I just couldn’t get you out of my head. If you never want to see me again, that’s fine. I’ll ask if I can transfer to another dorm”. Sirius slowly raised his eyes, and Remus saw that they were filled with tears.

When he raised his arm, Sirius flinched, expecting Remus to hit him. So he was shocked when instead he was pulled forwards by his tie and Remus’ mouth smashed into his. For a second, he was paralyzed, but then years of pent up feelings took over, and he kissed Remus back.

Wrapping his arms around Remus’ strong body, he tangled his hands into his hair and secured himself there like he never wanted to let go (which, in honesty, he didn’t). Remus’ tongue slid into his mouth as the taller boy picked him up and walked over to the bed with ease. Neither of them knew how long the kiss lasted, but it felt like and eternity of them just trying to be together. Exploring every inch of each other, becoming familiar with the smells and tastes and warmth of their partner’s body. When they finally broke apart, Remus was dizzy. It took him a second to come back to his senses.

Resting his head against Sirius’, he whispered 3 words that belonged to the beautiful black-haired boy now.

“I love you too”.

................................................................................................................................

Hey y’all I was feeling super depressed today and then I was yearning for some wolfstar so here u go! 1252 words of pure wolfstar. Hope u like it!!

#wolfstar #wolfstarfanfic #marauders #maraudersera #siriusblack #maraudersfanfic #remuslupin #remus x sirius #sirius x remus

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jennycalendar · 3 years

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my top ten calendiles fics (that i wrote)

this rec list took me a solid chunk of time to compile, because my fics are my babies and i honestly wanna throw quite a few of them up here. but EVENTUALLY i stopped being indecisive and finally managed to get this sorted, so here goes! if you wanna read some of my stuff, this is the stuff that i am the most proud of/in love with/would cry if someone asked me leading questions about it + drew me fanart of it. these are not ranked except for the top two, because the first one is my baby and the second one is still very beloved to me.

under the cut, because i have loving commentary!

1. as day follows night (multi-chapter)

Looking for a safe place to stay after her accidental murder of the Deputy Mayor, Faith Lehane allies herself with a mysteriously powerful witch—and stumbles into a fairytale mystery that's bigger than anything she could have anticipated.

(this fic is my goddamn baby. this fic is my C H I L D. this fic is the fic that i took extensive notes for and spent most of my freshman year of college thinking about and ended up as this terrifying love letter to fairy tales and jenny calendar and the complexity of the way she chooses to love people. i love this fic with every fiber of my being and always will.)

2. i still want to be your girl (multi-chapter)

Five years ago, Jenny Calendar ran from Sunnydale and didn't come back. Now, with the First threatening Sunnydale and the Slayer line, she's returned to help stop the apocalypse--but Rupert Giles isn't the man she remembers, and he isn't exactly delighted to have her back in his life again.

(i have a very persistent soft spot for later-seasons giles, but this was one of the few fics where i went “okay but what about battle-hardened jenny” and i’m very proud of the result. it was really fun to think about what might have changed about jenny over the course of five years, and now that i’m thinking about it, i might be really interested in writing a giles pov of this fic at some point? that’s totally a concept to come back to at some point. anyway.)

3. kind of like hydrogen peroxide

Here was the problem: Ripper had no idea how to talk to Jenny without somehow managing to make her want to kill him.

(i do NOT deserve rights if a fic from the ripper au doesn’t make its way onto this list, and this one is my very favorite. i love thinking about dumb teenage giles who pretends to be a rebel but is actually very very soft and very very in love with his equally dumb and genuinely rebellious girlfriend.)

4. spirit-touched

“Thank you, Buffy,” Giles said, “but I would prefer to conduct this research on my own. I’ll be looking into some rather…” He felt himself blushing, and resented it. “Some rather intimate details of ghost-human relations.”

“What does that—oh god, you want to figure out how to have sex with Ms. Calendar,” said Buffy.

(making this the first smutfic i posted was still the most cursed power move i have ever pulled off. anyway that influx of asks in 2016 about ghost jenny and human giles and their sex life inspired this and it ended up being SO funny and SO sweet and i am SO proud of it.)

5. very really married

Giles and Jenny's flights to Sunnydale both stop over in Las Vegas. On the same day. Naturally, a chance encounter leads to a drunken marriage, one that they mutually agree to keep up for appearances.

Which is to say: Giles is going to have to figure out how to hide his fake marriage from his new Slayer (and everyone else) while also hiding his new Slayer from his fake wife (and everyone else). And his complex feelings for Jenny aren't helping anything.

(EVEN NOW, THIS FIC MAKES ME GIGGLE TO THINK ABOUT. i am saving my reread of this particular gem for a rainy day, because it was my love letter to season one and my daydreamy fantasy re: what it would look like if giles and jenny had silly odd-couple energy that really just came from them being fake married and badly hiding it as they fall very deeply in love.)

6. days in goodness spent

This feeling—whatever Giles is feeling—this is bone-deep. He’s never felt it before. He’s been in love before, he’s admired someone before, he’s respected someone before, but this feels like all of those three things held together by something else he can’t quite name. He searches, desperately, for the words that will tell Jenny this, but nothing that has been written can describe the way it feels to be held by her right now.

(In which Rupert Giles gets the chance to fall in love all the way, and it changes him just a little.)

(this one didn’t immediately come to mind when i was drawing up the list, but my brief rereads led me to conclude that it is an underappreciated gem! i’ve written a lot of different takes on giles and jenny’s relationship, but i particularly love calling giles out for idealizing jenny. also i like that this is more abstract than some of my other older pieces, where i really get into the nuts and bolts of wanting to depict Every Single Part of giles and jenny’s relationship trajectory. this one has more fun with the flow of the story.)

7. no one else could heal my pain

“Friday,” Giles echoed.

“Yeah. As an overnight weekend trip to hunt down some books I need.” Ms. Calendar smiled playfully at him. “Isn’t that the kind of thing you’d do for fun anyway?”

(this one was SO recent and SO fun! it’s kind of my love letter to the standalone longfics i consumed voraciously when i was fourteen, because there are some really great older calendiles fics that are just long and winding adventure-y narratives about the two of them goofing off and falling in love. i wanted to echo that here a little bit and it was a delight to write.)

8. myosotis latifolia

Years and years ago, the truth would spill out, and Rupert—in his endless romanticism—would take her hands and tell her she only needed him by her side to feel welcome and loved. But it’s been over a decade since they’ve been that close, and those years have created a distance between them just as insurmountable as the distance between them, now, on the steps leading into his lavish gardens.

(Rupert Giles is an esteemed member of the Watchers' Council, as well as a happily married father. Jenny Calendar knows that that's never been what he wanted.)

(ahaha this one is a big ouch moment but i really love it regardless? i think that giles and jenny are kinda fundamentally incompatible in a lot of ways, and part of the intrigue of their relationship is watching them try and figure out how to compromise and adjust after years of being rigid and inflexible individuals -- giles intellectually, jenny emotionally. so this fic is a lot about that.)

9. the grieving process

After Buffy's death, Giles makes his way to Jenny in LA.

(i don’t know why this one still sticks with me! it just! does! it holds up and i love it and if you wanna read about giles and jenny falling in love in a way that is healthy and authentic without any secrets -- but also obviously very sad -- definitely pick this one up.)

10. decently clothed

“Jenny, are you selecting my wardrobe based solely on what is and isn’t easy to divest me of?”

“…no,” said Jenny.

“That’s not even remotely convincing.”

(i wrote this one during a particularly difficult time in my life, and it was a really special moment for me, because i’d just come out of a period where it had been difficult for me to find the time or emotional energy to write. whenever i return to it, this fic is suffused in that warm and hopeful joy i felt when i posted it and realized that i had not, in fact, lost my touch. so it’s always gonna mean the world to me.

plus it is very silly and sweet! my specialties.)

#fic #calendiles #so i stayed up till 3am for this. i do not deserve rights anymore

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