#anyways i hate being single

[toytulini]

listen im ace and im pro kink at pride and whatever, but the way some of yall are wording your posts in response to the backlash against it is uh. really taking me back to the ace shitcourse era.

yall know theres nothing wrong with being a "virgin", right? that its not inherently shameful to have not had sex, to never have sex, even if youre not ace, even if you do want to have sex someday, like, its fine that you haven't had sex?

maybe if your problem is that theyre trying to police your behavior and shame you for expressing your sexuality, you can say that? instead of resorting to "haha stupid virgin gets no bitches" like my god. do you not hear how fucking regressive that attitude is? i know, i know, youre "joking".

get a better joke

#toy txt post #god im going to regret this post im gonna regret it so much i can feel it in my bones #let it flop..........pls #internalize my message let it sink in and understand what i am saying and then let the post flop #i say. knowing the ppl who need to see such a message are the ones who will make me regret this post and regrwt not having #1 million bajillion disclaimers #virgin is in quotes bc its a bullshit made up stupid purity culture concept anyway and quite frankly i hate even seeing the word #disclaimer: the previous sentence is not me saying that it is a slur for asexuals. it is me a single individual saying this specific word #grosses me out to read and see everywhere when its a stupid bullshit binary made up or at least historically largely used #to shame largely women and i dont know why we're still using it in 2023 #and ive just been. seeing such an uptick in this whole like. attitude? lately and like #im ace im minorly sex repulsed. mostly about anything sex at me bad. other adults sex at each other consensually? go wild #i like to think im pretty chill about it. i try to be. i think its fine ig to be like 'my meat is huge i fuck so much so good' #like okay not my thing but good for you. love that for you #but then some of yall have started turning it back around back to. 'haha your meat so small and shriveled you get no bitches' #'haha stupid incel virgin' like okay. didnt realize we all went back to fucking. middle school but okay #god im gonna run out of tine to get ready for my thing writing this stupid post UGH evil #but like idk we've kinda circled back to being like haha being a virgin still is stupid and silly and shameful #and if im quite honest. i do think the acecourse played a part in that bc i felt like we were making good progress in like #hey guys is fine to not have sex ever if you dont want to its fine to not want sex its fine #and then aphobes went fucking rabid on us and splintered and destroyed online communities all over but especially on tumblr #and so many aces went back in the closet we stopped talking about it we stopped spreading awareness and now this stupid goddamn like #and now this stupid bullshit attitude is back where its like funny to call someone a virgin as an insult but like no bro trust me its okay #its okay for me to do it bc im a hot queer person with huge meat instead of a cisstraight frat bro with huge meat #? like you know the issue was the behavior right? not the fact that it was straight dudes saying it? its bc the thing being said was shitty? #you know you can dunk on the puritan bitches trying to police your behavior at pride without getting us as collateral damage right #stop making me read that stupid ugly ass word ur not cool or funny #whatever #if you come on to this post to start shit i will not only block you but as many of your mutuals and followers as i can find. i will scroll #i will block this entire fucking website if i need to do not test me. i am exhausted and the acecourse ate up all my tolerance in 2015.

[ptieuca]

#bangel #bangeledit #btvsedit #btvs #buffy summers #angel #buffysource #dailybtvs #filmtv #this scene holy fuck #buffy embraced every single facet of angel #she trusted him with her entire being #that's ultimately what drove angel to lose his soul #someone who was self loathing for a century and then found a purpose and a person who not only understood but accepted him #i hate the clause #but you can't deny how beautifully tragic it is that buffy is his perfect happiness #anyway they're soulmates #i shall ship them until the very end #just like the almighty queen smg

[tillman]

coffee order tierlist.

#no iced drinks cus i didnt want to make a tierlist 40000000000 pages long. but ariels would love a cold brew. #txt #some notes include . daryl will ask for it black. he hates it black. he thinks it amkes him look cool in some way. #the assorted esspresso tier is SOOO vague I KNOWW but there is no way to make a tier for like . double . con panna. single . macchiato. #its too many. its too many. #anyways i think i could narrow dow nteh exact orders of most of the cast. this is what being a barista for over a year will do.

[ohitslen]

Part two of the thing and uuh also final one

Of this interaction. Because this is far from all I can give, my brain almost imploded from all the ideas

#after some very heated talks between the two brothers Vash said he would leave the house for a good time #suggesting they both needed time apart and Vash needed to learn how to live without Kni #very reluctantly Kni agreed (even if he didn’t V would have done it anyways) with the single condition of letting him know the general #details about his livings. the adress. who he was living with if he decided to room with someone and at least their phone number in case #of an emergency. Vash agreed to this and put the limit there bc Kni wanted to know more but he said no I won’t tell you about their life tf #WW who is comfortable living at the orphanage doesn’t find convenient commuting for over 2 hours everyday to get there #so he is looking for a place to stay. Vash mentioned wanting to share a rental home w someone to split the spendings #and so the stars aligned and they were already planning their moving four days after meeting each other #because that’s Vashwood for you #imagine the delight of being either WW or Kni and finding out about each other thanks to Vash again #neither of them want to tell Vash about what they think of each ither. Kni to keep some sort of face and ‘peace’ with his brother #and WW doesn’t want to leave a bad impression saying he was the cause that the brother of the guy he was planning to live with couldn’t see #with his right eye for a whole week. so they hate their guts and Vash doesn’t know the why though he can grasp a general idea. #but he always hits bullseye making both WW and Kni glance at each other silently with their eyes saying #“DID YOU TELL HIM?’’ ‘’DID-YOU-TELL HIM??’’ #trigun #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun stampede #vashwood #trigun fanart #vash #wolfwood #nicholas trigun #nai saverem #millions knives #Trigun Uni! AU #lenssi draws

[ganondoodle]

i kept trying to draw anything, literally anything but i feel like the little package of skill i have build myself just fell and scattered across the floor, anytime i try to grab ahold of a piece of it it slips through my fingers like wet soap

on days like these i wish i had been smart enough to be anything else but a mediocre artist, but im not, im not even smart enough to be decent at the only thing i call myself to be able to do, im never going to be able to draw like i want to and i struggle to make peace with it

#ganondoodles talks #i hate hate hate feeling like this #this ... utterly helpless worthlessness #the world is shit and turnign shittier by the second and i cant even find refuge in the one thing i can do #i know i know dont trust what you are feeling after 9 pm bla bla #i have had ups an downs but this far i havent fallen in a long time #i am nothing without art #and i cant even do that #however much it doesnt matter anyway #i feel like i am mentally starving #i know this feeling will pass #but i still feel it right now #i feel like im being ungrateful towards the many people that have answered my previous post too bc i couldnt even do a single silly little- #-thing #i cant even put into words what it feels like #overstimulated brain explode egotistical feeling of worthlessness in a world that doesnt care about human life or creativity #meaningless #im going to bed and will be embarrassed about this when i wake up #but it still feels so very real right now #wasting time and tears

[leonardcohenofficial]

imagine not being in constant fucking physical chronic pain every single moment of every single fucking day could not be me

#in other news i am in a horrific flareup and i'm straight up gonna lose it #being in this much pain every single moment of my existence is getting real fucking old man #i am really grateful that one of my closest friends out here gave me a gift card to get a massage as a holiday gift because it'll at least #give me a modicum of relief (since stretching is not really something i'm supposed to do since being slightly hypermobile it means i could #injure myself ANYWAYS i hate it here) so hope that'll help on tuesday

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

Growing up in an extremely ultra religious, cult-like family was a mindfuck for multiple reasons but that doesn't stop unfortunately, even when you escape. For example, see: The overwhelming feeling of boiling hatred and shame for who you used to be.

The angry hatred for the past person I used to be, the version of myself that mindlessly parroted my family's beliefs and listened to their every command, constantly simmered under my skin and invaded my every thought. I was embarrassed of what I used to be- even as I made friends of different ethnicities and faiths, as I listened and explored new ideas and worlds that I never knew existed, as I started the first LGBTQ+ club at my school and volunteered with kids who deserved so much more- there was always a little voice in the back of my head.

"They would hate you if they knew what you were. They would hate the horrendous teachings that were seared into your mind, the things that you used to say and believe. You are nothing but a pretender."

And it is true that my beliefs were bigoted in all the worst ways. It is true that I believed truly heart-wrenching things without a second thought and judged others in such harsh and unfair ways. I told myself that there was no coming back from that, not really. There was nothing I could do to ever make up for it.

Then I remembered that the person who said those things wore velcro light up sneakers and collected finger puppets that the librarians handed out as awards for reading picture books. The person that held signs at pro-life rallies and anti-LGBTQ+ protests had a cherished sticker book and hunted minnows in the creek after school and adored their puffle on club penguin and was really into greek mythology and had skinned knees from climbing trees at recess and knew every Disney song by heart and was absolutely terrified of the dark.

That person was a child.

I was a child.

It took a really long time. Years and years of reflection and distance, but I've decided that I can't hate the past version of myself anymore. I feel pity and remorse, I feel anger- I feel so much fury and violent rage- at what my childhood was and I grieve what could- no, should- have been, but I no longer resent who I was.

I'm not ashamed.

I am so, so, so unbelievably proud of that little kid. For being brave enough to leave the comfort and safety of what I was told was right. For not being afraid to be wrong. For seeking out information and knowledge in a culture that praised ignorance. For questioning everything, relentlessly.

I am by no means a perfect person, I never have been and I never will, but I am proud of myself in every iteration that has ever existed because I know that I have never stopped trying to understand and learn and grow, and I never will.

If you have ever been in a similar situation and feel similar things, first of all: My condolences on your lost childhood. Second of all: Please be nice to that past version of yourself and recognize all the hard work they did to make you who you are today. That person was a survivor and an inspiration. They deserve nothing but love.

#started anti depressants recently. kinda had an epiphany. i can't hate who i was. if i met me now i wouldn't blame that tiny child #for their rancid beliefs or for being dragged to protests. because thats a CHILD. i HAVE met kids in that position and i feel nothing but #pity and anger on their behalf. so why am i holding that version of myself to a higher standard? #i could not have known what i know now at 6 or 8 or 10. the same way that i could not have written a college level essay at that age #but i did what i could. in my own 8 y/o way. i believed in love and humanity and happiness. i was just misguided in the 'hows' of it all #and i am so so so so so proud. of every single microscopic step that i took. every question i asked. every thought that i hid and protected #and pondered secretly at night until new ideas and doubts bloomed like a dandelion through the pavement #and I'm so proud that i chased that doubt. that i asked why why why why until their ears bled and their voices were raw #until their answers stopped adding up. until i sought knowledge elsewhere with a mind dehydrated and malnourished and begging for knowledge #in any form i could get. i just. if i could hug that kid? if i could right now reach out and give that terrified and lonely child a hug? #i would. a million times over. #anyway sorry for the intense personal rant I'm just going through it rn and I'm like.... actually feeling alright #its wild. did you guys know about this??? anti depressants make you NOT depressed??? shits insane fam #irl #personal

[aeriondripflame]

viserys iii being the youngest son, second son, eldest daughter and single mother all at once. viserys who was quarantined as a young child with only his mother as company. viserys who believed the lies fed to a child about his father. viserys who could never live up to rhaegar’s example. viserys who taught daenerys about what they left behind. viserys who called her dany. viserys who raised his sister as his own. viserys who sold their mother’s crown to keep them fed. viserys who was ridiculed, who had to beg to survive, who had to protect himself and his sister from assassins while he was still a child. viserys who could never look forward, who was always looking back.

#it always makes me :( when i think about viserion like viserion is the sweet one he is what viserys used to be or what he could have been :( #viserys iii targaryen #guava.txt #i always think about how viserys is described as gaunt and skinny like he probably skipped meals but always kept dany fed #single teen mother viserys #anyway any doranpilled people bc we agree he had no intention of supporting viserys’ claim right? #and also on viserys. literally makes me so mad when ppl call him mad or saying he had been displaying bad behavior since he was a child like #no the whole point is that he was twisted into this he held so much anger at the world at his situation that he took it out on others / #he wasn’t mad he was deliberately being an abuser and asshole bc he hated his life and blamed dany for their problems

[idkimtiredanddumb]

Surely like, I mean the Mafia doesn’t care how they get their money right? Like so long as they’re getting the 80% of how much an exy player would make why would they care. So I present to u : Jean Moreau fucking off and becoming a really famous artist instead

#every. single. one. #of his conversations with Kevin #is Kevin trying to get him to play again #because he just can’t understand it #and Jean is SO GOOD and it’s SUCH A WASTE #and Jean just thinks annoying Kevin is another bonus of the job #it was mostly an accident #he did a sculpture for a college competition #and now suddenly he’s famous for something other than exy #and he kinda hates the sport anyway #he just follows wherever Jeremy’s team goes and complains about it not being inspirational enough #god i love him #jean moreau #i love jean moreau #jean moreau is gay #jean moreau deserves the world #jerejean #aftg #all for the game #aftg series #aftg hc #aftg kevin #aftg jean #aftg headcanon #aftg jeremy

[introspectivememories]

they're on their once a year bruce-mandated get along trip and tim just got off the phone

#i hope you know that they spent the rest of the car ride in silence #they Have to go on the trip otherwise they get too fighty #also every single one of tim's family members have asked him this #this is so funny to me #also #personal preference of mine but please do not come onto my page and talk about tim and jason being really good brothers #in my personal opinion #jason and tim are brothers and they hate each other #it's vital to the relationship actually #the definition of #'this is my brother and i need a shovel to love him' #anyway #jason todd #tim drake #dc #timbern #timber

[skunkes]

was abt to make a silly post about how at this point i barter with the universe for a bf like "please id take care of him and walk him and dress him up", like a child begging for a pet, and then i think abt how as much as i want an actual pet I don't think im fit to ever have one of those either

#talkys #i want a partner i dont think i should have one for equal parts not thinking im worthy and also being too picky #and enjoying my alone time as much as the loneliness and skin hunger hurts me so badly every single day #after hearing with and interacting with others its like is it even worth it if ill still turn to my imagination...! like will it ever be #enough? #or i see ppl post about the Good and its like. id never be lucky enough to find someone who fit my needs and didnt hate me and #wanted to spend time with me it wld be so difficult. i will never be that lucky #but then wagh. ive talked about this before i hate falling into this pit bc ive always been undesirable so convincing myself of all this #feels very like. well yeah. it was never gonna happen anyway but good thing you finally found your Cope! #delete later #i cannot even make friends. the stars will never align. but all i want is my own guy to worship. belongs with me‚ the devotee #being unworthy but also being like. im a catch i can be as picky as i want (forgets hes ugly as fuck and kind of useless with it too) #whatever either way we are not going to make it

[moonchild-in-blue]

Just got here. Tf is happening?

#strawbebies?? #halo my love are you okay?? #everyone clap i spent the last 4 hours totally offline 👍 <- was playing sims #(game is going well in case you're wondering) #(yes i am still building jorgen and mona's house. it took me a while to get everything exactly right) #(we are decorating now FINALLY) #it's been 4 days yes i know. listen. i take this seriously #no they are not my active family. they are simply my Sims's besties #yes im aware i will spend very little time inside their house. so what. i want my friends to have pretty and luxurious homes #the helvigs are living GOOD. got them a little inside pool and all #because why not #it pains me to make it all celebrity white minimalism but i gotta stay true to them. #the Scandinavian architecture does make it a lot better. nice warm wood accents and floors to make it less sterile #still. i gave them the most obnoxious wood centre table for the main living room and put exactly one (1) single flower there #i don't mind minimalism but this is too much uhg. i hate how vogue catalog this is turning out #ngl i am very seriously considering getting a minor only degree in interior design. like. I'm halfway there already #ANYWAYS. how is everyone? all we are alive still? facing the horrors? being brave?

[thebirdandhersong]

btw in case you're wondering if, after reaching adulthood, you finally escape the horrible pain of always being picked last for sports/games: unfortunately, it does still happen, and it still hurts as much as it did when you were a kid

#did i cry about it? i am embarrassed to say yes #listen. i know i'm short and slow and don't know how to play most sports #but still. #also i may be used to this #but being the last to be chosen means you're not chosen at all because you're automatically part of the team #that didn't choose you either. so there's that! #anyway you guys everything feels really heavy right now and so something as small as this feels like so much #i couldn't help for a little moment thinking. well y'all SAY you like me and want me around. but clearly none of you wanted me on your team #not a single one of you! what's up with that!!!! #and i understand that i really do. i'm not aggressive or intimidating on the field. but the point still stands #anyway that is something i would like prayer for. even though community building IS going well #and there ARE bright spots #but the general feeling of this season is feeling unwanted and undesirable and in some capacity unlovable #so would really appreciate prayer in the larger as well as the smaller things #the small things like this accumulate SO quickly and i really.....hate that actually #the waiting room chapter

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

first draft making progress (but it still feels very scattered, as first drafts are wont to do)

#and i know i should be doing sources as i go at least for the sake of being able to write up my bibliography or whatever #but ngl when i’m mid-writing and getting on a roll i don’t want to stop to go grab sources #that i know are for the most part tagged on my blog. either one. #i have a single tag for everything here and more detailed tags on the other blog #so like… i can find stuff fairly easily #ANYWAY #progress!! i realize i sound batcrap insane but again: first draft #i’m gonna clean this up if not do a total rewrite eventually #(likely i’ll just tweak it/ ‘’fix it in post’’/whatever bc i hate rewriting it feels like it messes up my whole flow #but EITHER WAY it will be a bit clearer by the time i’m done skjhgskjghfs) #mmkay #Lu rambles #lftos essay #tw suicide #fob

[sprout-fics]

i saw your reblog about makarov and i 100% agree im excited he’s a great villain but also dreading it all because i know for a fact people are gonna write fluffy cute fanfic for him, i’m fine with people liking the actor who’s gonna play him seen a few things julian is in and he’s really good and seems like a nice guy but like let’s leave it at that?? sorry for the rambling thoughts

Honestly, again, folks can write what they want. I'm not going to stop them, because this is fandom and we can do what we want. I personally will not read it for reasons mentioned prior.

I will confess I have considered writing for Makarov, but nowhere near a romantic context. The idea I had for him which I will probably not pursue is a very winter-soldier type affair where he manipulates the main character after they are MIA from the taskforce. He is meant to be written as manipulative and dangerous, and even after MC is freed he continues to haunt them. Romance is not involved, only emotional manipulation. It's an interesting concept, but I feel a sense of discomfort with the idea of writing it because I'm not particularly prone to dark fics. I'm thinking about maybe incorporating the idea into some Whumptober prompts, and leaving it at that

#idk I've been conflicted about a lot of this stuff recently #I think there's a balance between write and let write #and being acutely aware of the reality that villains are based off of #I've written for Graves and Valeria but I do not for a single second condone what they've done and the things they are based off of #and I try to incorporate into my writing that they are not good people and therefore relationships with them are not healthy due to that #but I know I'm not perfect and I own up to that too #idk I've been thinking about going low on fandom commentary for a bit because I feel like its asking for anon hate #and that stresses me out #If folks want to talk to me about this they are welcome to over dm but I don't debate anons #anyways as always please tag your fics appropriately so people can filter the stuff they don't want

[soldier-poet-king]

I know I have terminal insane silly brain disease and my feelings on this matter will change in probably the next 5 minutes but like

Damn I am funny and hot and generally trying to be kindhearted and good, and my teasing and flirting and emotional rambling, which is maybe Too Much at times, is still a privilege and a blessing, not a burden, to the people around me

#the duality of fran #i say teasing and flirting but its not even necessarily romantic #my flirting is indistinguishable from my platonic affection because i cant comprehend ever falling for someone who's not a friend first #dating apps??? could not be me. (reason 237384883 im single) #but anyway! i love you! if youre reading this yes you! #standing invitation to come flirt or joke or tease or yell passionately about both silly and also serious things in my inbox always #i contain MULTITUDES and tbh!!! most of them are pretty great!!! #yes everything is bad and I'm work stressed and ive had a 5 day long tummy ache and headache #and its a zillion degrees and the ac is broken and i cant wear short sleeves bc my boss hates tattoos #and id rather not have to open that can of worms with HR #and im so so so so tired and my meeting is tmrw and i havent prepped #and also im having mad scruples and idk if its like the normal flavour or it means smthn #unsettling confession dreams. i try not to read into them bc i have the connect everything to make meaning disease #and it fuels my ocd #but oh boy we live in a but what if state of being #However. maybe sometimes the but what if can be good #but what if things work out. what if love and kindness find you. what if there is joy and beauty not just despite but because of the horrors #what if all shall be well at the end of all things