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vamossainz55 · 2 years

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Moonlight Chapter 2 || Carlos Sainz x Reader

A/N: Hey guys!! I hope everybody's doing well. I told myself that I would have the next chapter up for next week but my brain is literally going a mile a minute so I decided to finish up the second chapter already (it is almost 1am lmao). Idek if anybody is reading this but I might have some mistakes here and there but please feel free to let me know!! All constructive criticism is appreciated. This chapter is also a bit rushed but I feel like I want to do some building + context before throwing it all in but I am hoping to get more Carlos into the next chapter <3. Thank you so much and I literally love you if you are still reading until here.

ANYWAYS im done xoxoxo.

link to chapter 1 / all chapters / my masterlist

Chapter 2 (4k words)

You don’t sleep at all that night, your mind is spinning and a part of you knows that all the drinks you had were finally catching up to you. Your eyes scan the ceiling, deciding to focus on the small dent you had accidentally left there in hopes to get your mind to still. You couldn’t believe what you had read. McLaren? Out of all teams? A part of you even wants to laugh, because of course this would happen to you.

You pick up your phone again, read over the email again, and again, and again. How were the words not changing? How were you supposed to join a team knowing Carlos was going to be there? What were you going to do?

A weird mix of emotions settle in your chest. Happiness, excitement, nervousness, pride, and even anger- and maybe a little sadness. You had dreamt about this opportunity for as long as you could remember. Why were you so worried about so many things?

There was one main question drumming in your head, what would happen if you took it?

You ponder at that thought for what feels like hours, but soon enough your eyes begin to grow heavy. As worried as you were, your body was beginning to shut down, begging to finally get some rest.

Right before you drift off to sleep you think to yourself still,

What am I going to do?

_____________

The next day you wake up with the sleep still sticking to your eyes. You had managed to get some sleep, but you didn’t feel like you had gotten enough rest. Your eyes were heavy and your body was sore from the night before. You try your best to settle yourself back to sleep but the moment you close your eyes your mind decides otherwise.

Thoughts of an orange team flood your brain along with a certain driver, but before you can start thinking too much a knock on the door rips your attention away.

“Y/n? I’m coming in,” Your roommate announces. You let out a loud groan, telling her to go away, but before you can even finish your sentence you hear your door open and feel a strong weight on your bed. Soon enough you’re being crushed, your roommate’s body sprawled over yours.

“Oh come on- fuck off, get off of me,” you whine as you hear Jane laugh and shift a bit to lay beside you instead. Being awake for so long helps you notice the soft pressure in the center of your head that slowly begins to spread. Yeah, you were definitely hungover.

“You smell gross,”Jane says, soon getting inside the covers with you. She feels warm and you can’t help but scoot closer. “You never wanna go out and party with me but you do with Laura,” She says playfully. “But you had fun? Laura told me a guy came home with you.”

And fuck- right. You had forgotten about Bastien. “A guy? Yeah yeah, he dropped me off last night. He asked me out on a date.” You tell her, and you can feel a slight swoop in your stomach still. “I’m actually excited?” You’re a bit nervous at the thought of it. It was rare for you to get excited about these things- let alone to say it outloud.

Jane grins. “You’re excited for a date? Am I hearing you right?” She asks and you can already feel your cheeks heating up so you try your best to look away and come off as casual.

“He’s really cute and nice. But he told me he’s just here visiting a friend and looking for jobs so it might not even go anywhere.” You say with a shrug. You wondered if it was weird or not but you felt that it was a bit reassuring to not know where it was going to go, like there weren’t many expectations going into it. If he wasn’t going to be around anyways it would be fine if it didn’t work out.

Jane’s asking when the date is and she is quite surprised by your answer, “The date’s tonight,” You say before explaining, “but we didn’t agree on the time. Should I text him and ask?”

The look Jane gives you almost makes you laugh. “No, are you crazy?” She exclaims and you wince at how loud she is being, suddenly remembering about the headache that is spreading through your head.

“Wait for him to text you, and if he doesn’t then his loss you know?,” She says, getting off the bed. You think for a second, and yeah, maybe she is right. You could wait and see if he would show up or not.

“Where are you going?” You ask, peering over the sheets to look at her. As much as you needed it you did not want time by yourself to think about things.

“Oh I’m coming back, I’m just getting you some painkillers and water,” she says matter of factly and you return her kindness with a smile.

“Love you!” You say as you watch her head out of the door.

_____________

Bastien does end up texting back, and you both go out to dinner that night. It’s nice, the conversation is casual and you both realize it wasn’t just the alcohol talking the night before. You’re a bit too smitten for your liking but you try your best to ignore it.

He offers to drive you home but by the way he holds the lower of your back you both know it isn’t just for a drive. It’s thrilling really, to sneak someone upstairs again- begging them to be quiet to not wake up your roommate (because of course you wouldn’t hear the end of it). But you both get away with it, and waking up next to someone the next day makes it even more worth it.

It wasn’t really supposed to become a thing but it does. Bastien had told you over your date that he was only around for the next two weeks. Mainly a mix of hanging out and catching up with friends along with job interviews and looking over other opportunities. You prep yourself for disappointment, tell yourself that it is a one and done, but that’s far from what ends up happening.

You see him almost every day, he would either drop by with lunch, dinner, or even a coffee to just squeeze some extra time with you. You would let him sneak into yours at night and he would often pick you up to give Laura a break and stay at his. It’s like you were floating on cloud 9. He meets your friends and you meet some of his. Everything is new, fresh, and exciting.

So much happens that you don’t even realize you’re in your own little bubble.

But every bubble is bound to burst.

It happens to you a whole week after you take Bastien to the airport (with the promise of keeping in touch and seeing eachother soon). Your mind is still preoccupied with him- you both were still texting practically every day- and if you knew any better you were practically dating. But were you really?

Sure you were practically attached to the hip the whole time you were here, and sure he was texting you good morning, good night, and everything else between the day. But were you really dating?

There were so many questions still that you had completely forgotten about your upcoming semester. The internship. Your mind suddenly springs. You were sitting at the table with Laura and a few other people in your major when Theo mentions how he had just accepted the offer he had gotten over a week ago. You had completely forgotten about your own offer and it had been over 3 weeks since you had gotten your email.

“Shit- shit, no way.” You murmur to yourself as you open your phone. Most of the table is distracted in their own conversation but you can feel Laura and one or two other pairs of eyes scanning over you in interest as you scroll through your phone. How could you be so stupid and forget about it? You read through your emails quickly, scrolling through and looking for the email that had sent you the offer.

You finally see the latest email that you had gotten from them. Your heart sinks as your phone loads, already dreading what the email would say.

It finally loads and you take a deep breath before reading.

F1 Talent Program Offer: 3 days to Deadline. | Received: 2d ago

One day left to decide. You let out a nervous laugh as you run your hand through your hair, letting out a shaky breath. Could you even make a choice within a day?

“What are you looking at?” Laura huffs, leaning next to you to read over your shoulder. She practically lets out a gasp before looking at you, eyes wide. “Y/n! Oh my god. You did it!” She says and before you know it you feel two arms wrapped around you and squeezing you tight and knocking the air out of you.

“What’s going on, what happened?” You hear one of your classmates ask. Laura chimes in before you can, and you can hear the pride in her voice as she announces it.

“She got accepted for the engineering talent program for F1!” She says proudly and you force a smile onto your lips as you can hear everyone gasp. Soon the table is congratulating you and you thank everyone quite sheepishly. As much as you wanted to get mad at Laura you could tell how happy she was for you.

You try your best to smile it off, not wanting to seem ungrateful for the opportunity but you can tell Laura knows something is off. You feel a grip on your shoulder before you realise Laura is pulling you step aside for a bit. You stumble a bit to follow her and go to ask if everything is okay but Laura beats you to it.

“So? What’s wrong? You should be exhilarated about this- bragging left and right.” Laura says, already crossing her arms across her chest. Four years of friendship and you are still amazed with how well she can read you.

“I am happy, I am.” You try your best to say convincingly but the look Laura gives you says enough. “No- seriously I am. I can’t believe I got it. You know how hard I worked for this?” You say, and its true. All the hard work you had put in the past years was for this moment. The sleepless nights before an exam, the being away from family to be able to study at the best school, missing out on parties to be able to get enough sleep for class, even the endless nights crying when everything became too much. It was all for this moment.

“But?” Laura asks, and she can tell that you are thinking too much. You tend to do that thing where your nose twitches slightly, whenever your brain begins to eat itself from the inside out and let the worries settle in.

“I got accepted into McLaren.” You tell her quietly because it's embarrassing to say it outloud. Embarrassing to admit to yourself how much Carlos still had a hold of you.

Her brows furrow slightly and she gives you a shrug. “So?”

You frown at her. Although she was not into racing you were pretty sure you had kept her updated with where Carlos would be going within the upcoming season. “I told you. Carlos is going to join McLaren. What if I have to see him? Talk to him? Work with him?” You say, this time even more quietly but just because you can feel your other friends trying to snoop and look over to you both.

“Again, so?” Laura asks, and this time she shakes her head and takes your hands into hers. “Y/n, look at me.” She says, squeezing your hands gently. “You’ve been dreaming about this since before I met you.” Her voice is soft yet firm, and somehow you feel your chest begin to swell. “Do not let someone from the past scare you away from your future. You have to take this opportunity y/n.”

You stare at her for a bit, letting out a shaky breath. Your heart is beating in your ears because she is right. You have been dreaming about this for ages. You pull her into a tight hug, tucking your face into her shoulder.

“Thank you.” You say, already feeling part of the weight on your shoulders slowly lifting. You slowly pull away, smiling at her from ear to ear. “Come over to mine? I need to send in my acceptance.”

_____________

Accepting the offer was less dreadful than you thought, taking into account that you weren’t starting the internship after your graduation. But time flew by faster than you thought it would.

The months between accepting the offer and starting at McLaren were eventful. Looking back, you had too many exams, too much stress, and simply too much to do. You were grateful though that you got to enjoy some of the last months with your friends before you all headed to do different things. Not only were you able to finish all your academic requirements but you had finally decided to pay more attention to your personal life too.

You finally caught up and partied with the girls, had more days out with them, and just enjoyed your time without worrying too much about your next lecture, class, or exam. It was relaxing to finally be able to let go a bit and have fun. Not only that- but Bastien came to visit often too. Before you even realized everybody already knew that the both of you were dating, but by the time you found out you didn’t really mind either. You both worried about the distance considering your internship and how he was still traveling around looking for a job whilst freelancing- but you both figured with a little faith you could make it work.

Even graduation passed by like a breeze. Your parents and your sister flew in and soon enough you were already packing your things into boxes and luggages. Half of your things were being shipped back home as you could not take them around with you so you were definitely forced to pack light.

And that’s how you ended up there. Staring at the McLaren headquarters, nervously fixing one of the bracelets on your wrist as you waited outside. You had been one of the first few to arrive, but to be fair you had arrived a bit earlier than the agreed time. You couldn’t help but look around, the office was bigger than you thought, along with the large lake adorning the side of the building, it looked amazing and you were trying your best to keep yourself composed without taking photos of everything. You had seen the McLaren headquarters a lot through photos and videos- but this was the first time you were anywhere near it- let alone about to step in. As you looked around more people seemed to trickle in. The others seemed to also be amazed by the site, scanning over the whole area. Even the surroundings were nice and peaceful, vast greenery covering the whole area and more. Soon you heard the automatic doors open alongside a pair of footsteps.

“Hi, welcome! I’m Andrea. Sorry for the wait.” A woman said, waving at you all. She was wearing a McLaren polo shirt along with black slacks. “Come in, I’ll take you to one of our presentation rooms and we can kick off with some introductions. We’ll have our basic induction and onboarding before handing you off to your own departments and managers.” She announced, eyes meeting yours quickly as she also smiled and looked at everyone else. You can’t help but have a voice in the back of your head telling you to keep an eye out for a certain spanish man. You were absolutely dreading bumping into him.

The ceilings seem even taller from the inside, and the glass walls allow natural light to fill the building. You look around as you follow Andrea, appreciating the clean and modern design the building had adopted. “Here, come in.” Andrea says, soon opening the door to a medium sized auditorium with a powerpoint slide already splayed on the screen.

The onboarding goes by smoothly and you all introduce yourselves one by one. You’re a bit nervous since you introduce yourself first, but you get through it quickly before others follow up with their own introduction. After going through almost half of the room you soon learn there are three other interns from other departments also joining and you relax a bit knowing you were all in a similar situation. A bit after the introductions you all go through some general knowledge about McLaren, learning about the values and the mission of the company. After a few more fun facts you’re all sent off with your own managers who are waiting outside at the door.

“Y/n?” A man asked, stepping closer to you. You turn and smile once you see a tall man with short black hair.

“Hi yes, that’s me. It’s nice to meet you.” You say with a smile, putting your hand out for a handshake. He takes this moment to introduce himself.

“Hi, perfect! My name is Tom. Welcome to the team.” He says before pulling his hand away. He nods slightly towards the direction you both are supposed to go to before explaining the day’s run down. “We’ll take these first few weeks for you to look over the systems we use, learn more about them, and get familiar with them. We can analyze past data and see how you interpret it compared to our previous interpretations.” You nodded along as you followed him, already getting excited as he also told you more about the team.

“We will also have an event later tonight with everyone, just a few welcoming drinks. You don’t have to show up but it would be nice and good for you to socialize with everyone too.” Tom smiles as he opens the door to one of the rooms. Something from the corner of your eyes captures your attention but once you look over it's gone. You look back ahead of you and take a deep breath before stepping in.

_____________

You’re barely there for a full working day and your brain is fried. Numbers were printed into the inner corners of your brain and you had learned so much that you weren’t sure if you had enough space to store it all. Despite your exhaustion and the overload of information you were buzzing. You could already feel your fingers twitching, ready to get your hands on something and to help out. They had explained to you that the first few weeks were a bit hands-off, focusing on getting you settled in and learning mostly the theory behind it all but you felt like you couldn’t wait. So much was happening around you and you wanted to do something more.

“I think we have our welcoming drinks in a bit. How about we head out there and you can meet some people from the other departments?” Tom offers and you thank him, already following him with a few other newcomers that had joined the team too. You had made friends with a woman who had recently joined too, Cara, as you both were one of the few women within the engineering team, so you stuck to her side as you all trickled into the room.

“I think I’m going to nib a few snacks.” You say, already nodding at Cara, so you both decide to walk together to the table with several snacks. You grab a small plate and a few of the snacks, waiting for Cara to grab something for herself too. Once you’re back to Tom and the others you set your plate on the table, “I grabbed a bit extra, just in case anybody wanted a bite too.” You smile. Tom seems to look over the plate, already ready to fish a sandwich off your plate when you see two figures coming over, and one seems a bit too familiar. You tense a little and instantly grow quiet, already looking away before even making sure if you had seen the right thing or not.

“Tom! Hey, how are you?” Zak says, grinning as he pats Tom on the back. You’re torn between looking over or keeping your eyes away, but as soon you hear the other person’s voice you screw your eyes shut, already feeling your heartbeat race.

“Hello Tom, Zak told me we had new people starting. Decided to drop by since we’re gonna be working together a lot no?” And you don’t even need to look over to know who’s voice it is. You can’t tell if there’s a knot in your throat or the food is coming back up because you start to feel a bit sick. Your legs twitch to get up, but your brain is screaming not to run. Not in front of your new manager, and even worse the CEO of your company.

You quietly look over, already feeling your palms get clammy. Zak and Carlos look so focused on Tom that you realize they had barely looked over to the rest of the group, but Tom decides to change this. “Yeah- yeah. Everyone here’s new. Wanted to get them to mingle a bit.” He says, soon turning to you all. Zak and Carlos look towards you all, smiling. A part of you wonders if he doesn’t recognize you but you notice the moment that he does.

He freezes a bit and blinks, eyes locked on yours and you quickly look away, breaking eye contact. Tom and Zak don’t even notice, not until Cara approaches Carlos, who barely reacts as he shakes her hand. As Carlos is, he quickly recovers and composes himself, apologizing before introducing himself.

“So this is Cara, she is our new Junior Aero Engineer, she worked quite a bit in the W League and in the F2 series,” Tom says. Carlos manages to make some eye contact but you can feel his eyes shift from her to you but you try not to look back at him. After three more introductions Tom shifts the attention to you.

You force yourself to look this time and you bite the inside of your cheek to remain calm. You can see Carlos is about to say something, but he struggles to find the words. His eyes are a bit all over the place, and his nose is twitching the way it does whenever he’s nervous. The tension is suddenly visible in the group and all eyes are on you both.

“Do you know each other?” Zak asks, deciding to be the one to break the silence.

“Actually,” Carlos starts.

“No- no we don’t.” You casually laugh, and what? You were meant to stay quiet. But what were you supposed to do? Let Carlos tell not only Tom, but also Zak, and the rest of the team that you used to what, date? A part of you realizes, maybe he was going to say friends. But it was too late now. “My name is y/n. Nice to meet you” You say, and you can tell Carlos’ demeanor instantly changes. His back straightens and he quickly plasters on the tight lipped smile you used to hate. “I’m,” You stutter a bit when he holds your hand to shake it, “I’m the new Engineer Intern.” and you can tell he’s upset. His eyes are cold as he locks eyes with you again. This time you can’t look away.

“Carlos.” He says shortly. It pierces through you like a knife. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” You murmur.

You feel a pool of instant regret settling in your stomach as he turns his back towards you and goes to greet the other new starters.

What had you gotten yourself into?

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Link to chapter 3

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rueur · 7 years

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Morning Pages #11 (15.01.2017)

Sunday 15th Jan - 7:59 a.m.

Ikaros is sleeping beside me as I type, holding my left foot. He made a grab for it whilst I was getting my laptop ready, there was nothing I could do. It’s kind of nice, actually. My left foot feels very very warm right now and the rest of my body is just room temperature. I slept in this jumper I bought from an op shop on High Street for twelve dollars. I wore it yesterday as well when we went to meet Lauren and Jacob and play frisbee with them on a whim. We met up with them around 1:30 and said goodbye around 8. I think all up we were probably frisbeeing for around 4 hours though. So, there you go. I spent four hours dancing in the night only to spend four more hours running after a pink, flying disc that same day.

My cramps are so awful right now. I’ve been getting them on and off since Friday night, so I’m expecting my period to come on Tuesday. As usual for the past two months. It’s gone from a 28 day cycle to a 35 day cycle, after my having left the pill. At least it’s still regular and predictable though. I started taking the pill in the first place mostly to regulate my cycle, so I’m glad that that has somewhat worked. I mean, it might be the pill and it might also definitely be the fact that I am physically healthy now (for the first time in my young adult life). I got my period every three or so months as a teenager because I was so unhealthy, but as soon as I started uni and began to live as my own person, I realised that my good habits - the habits that I never had time for during the depression caused by high school - were good enough to make me lose upwards of twenty kilos in a little over a year. I’m proud of myself, honestly. It’s taken me so long to reclaim my life and some might say that I’m still in the process of doing so, but I’ve made so many positive changes that I can at least say I’m happy now.

Ikaros spoke to me very frankly last night as well. I told him about Evan earlier on in the day, and the two guys who had forced themselves on me, but I hadn’t told him that Evan kissed me with my consent and that I kissed him back. After we met up with Lauren and Jacob, Ikaros told me that Lauren had mentioned solely to him that the two of us had met on Tinder. I was supposed to tell Ikaros that I was still on Tinder, and that that was where I had met Lauren, but it slipped my mind and he ended up finding out in a not too ideal way. At least Lauren got to speak with him though. And I got to speak to Jacob, who is a lovely person and upon writing this, I realise that I hadn’t sent him a friend request on Facebook yet so I just did. Jacob and I spoke about the particulars of their open relationship and my open relationship. Because they’ve been in it together (in regards to the openness) a lot longer than Ikaros and I, they’re a relatively good resource for us. Jacob was talking to me about the rules that they had for each other, how sometimes they go through periods of monogamy, to take a breather or if they just happen to agree that it’s a good time to be together. One of Jacob’s rules was that he wasn’t allowed to sleep over at other people’s houses because Lauren didn’t like sleeping alone. Lauren, Jacob said, was more likely to develop emotional attachments to people than he was, and Lauren’s utmost emotional attachment is to him, so she can’t sleep without him. In turn, because of Lauren’s increased likelihood of becoming emotionally attached, she’s going through a period right now where she’s not allowed to sleep with other men, just Jacob. I think she’s alright with that for the time being though, because last time I spoke to her was right after she had had two lesbian experiences in one day and she came to me looking very refreshed and happy. Ikaros gave me his blessing with her afterwards, and Jacob too. He said they’re gorgeous people and he wanted me to do Lauren. Very delicately put. I don’t know if anything will happen there. I don’t know if I’m what they’re looking for, but I would like to be. I think I should admit that to myself.

My mum used to call me a slut growing up. She just said that I was really flirty around boys my age as a child, and she would call me out on it. When Marcus and I started going out, she called me a whore. I got scaled up! And it’s funny, that I always felt hurt by that and felt like somehow it was true: having one boyfriend at my age made me a whore. I was only fourteen; some of my friends had been dating, and I wanted to do it too. I was bored, school was incredibly understimulating, and Marcus and I were very like-minded. Anyway, I’m finally at a point in my life where I honestly think I’m a slut. It’s taken nearly six years and two boyfriends, and making out with exactly ten people for me to get to this point. It’s just astounding how many people I’ve kissed since Ikaros and I got together, I mean I didn’t expect to be kissing anybody else ever again, but life is complicated. This relationship is complicated, it has to be. How else was I able to fill up three whole pages last morning talking about another boy, a boy that I had danced with for a couple of hours, kissed a handful of times, and for all I know might not ever see again? He hasn’t called me. I know the protocol here is for him to wait a couple of days or something like that, and he did tell me on Friday night that he was going to be busy on Saturday and that’s why he had to leave early. He was really hot, I’m sorry. And a fantastic kisser AND a fantastic dancer. I would love to see him again. Thankfully, Ikaros is fine with this.

I was honest with him about Evan after a very weird hour or so when we came back to the apartment. It was an hour of total staticity when it came to communicating with each other. He was all sore and worn out from frisbeeing/going to the gym in the morning (which I had told him not to do), and I was also fairly tired, not motivated enough to make some dinner, that much was for sure. He wanted dinner though; I don’t know if he wanted to make it or if he wanted me to make it for him. I think he just wanted something to happen, and nothing did. In the end, we we ended up having a very honest conversation on the couch, during which I told him about Evan and he asked me why I felt I had to hide the truth about how I met Lauren and omit the fact that I willingly kissed somebody last night. I was honest with him. When he was on the phone with me that night we broke up again, he told me that he thought I was more in love with him than he was with me. I hated that. I knew it wasn’t true for starters, because he hasn’t kissed anybody outside of this relationship even before this whole mess. But I didn’t want him to persuade me into thinking it was true. I was growing afraid that it was true, and I hated him momentarily for making me feel that way about myself. It made me feel pathetic, like a little girl pining over some kind of teen film star. Like he was all that.

He said it again last night, he said that he wanted me to have my own world. He didn’t want him to be my whole world. And it was INCREDIBLY arrogant of him to think for even a second that he IS my whole world. I’m just a kind person, when I care about someone I make sure they know that I care, and I care about him a lot. Or I used to. No, I still do. It’s just frustrating right now because I’ve been trying to care less than I actually do because I don’t want him to fucking think that he’s my whole world! I think I’ve been kissing/meeting/dancing with people to prove to myself that other people can love me, and other people want me around. Ikaros has been making me feel a lot like he doesn’t want me around lately, but he still says he loves me more than anything, more than anybody (which is another issue I will have to address: his perception of my family). It’s just so awful when the person you love says that they don’t want to see you for weeks at a time, that they need a break from you like you’re so exhausting to be with. It’s hurt me too often. I’ve come to rely on other people to feel confident within myself because he’s knocked my confidence down so often. I don’t think he knows exactly how often.

It was surprising when I admitted to him last night that the reason I’ve been trying to meet other people was really because of him, and because of what he said. I hadn’t realised it myself until I’d said it to him, but he has had a profound impact on the way that I see myself. I deserve to be with somebody who not only loves me, but makes me feel loved. There are moments when Ikaros does this, like last night after this honest conversation was resolved and we had sex. It was very intimate, very caring. He carried me to bed and proceeded to whisper positive things to me, about how much he loves me and wants to be with me. How much he wants to keep me. It feels like he only says those things when we’re having sex now. Maybe that’ll change. Maybe it won’t. But I haven’t given up hope yet.

I hope that Evan calls me. He said we’d be doing something next weekend, I think dinner on Friday night, something like that. I’m excited for that. I want to see him, just talk to him this time round. We did do a little talking in the smoking room, as I said, but not enough. The thing is that he’s a really great dancer! And so am I, and it had been a very long time since I had danced so freely. It’s intoxicating, and I am definitely going to keep going out. Hopefully I’ll be able to do it with more friends in the future, because I think the key to fighting off the creeps is to stay in big groups. I’ll still need to find some more boisterous girl friends to keep me company on nights out, desperately. It was unbelievably fun being up there on the stage with the most gorgeous, free women on Friday night. I’d never thought myself a confident enough person to dance on a stage, but Laundry and Evan got me there. Evan got me there.

#spilled ink #stream of consciousness #morning pages #11 #15.01.2017

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