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skrunksthatwunk · 3 months

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thinking about how eiji's a pole vaulter and how ash talks about eiji "flying" and how eiji's associated with bird imagery and how eiji's free (unlike ash) and how eiji comes in on a plane and leaves on a plane and how ash cannot fly, ash cannot be free, how nyc is ash's prison, and how ash is the leopard who dies climbing the mountain, unable to live at such elevation, how he was trying to reach the sky and be free but was always stuck to the earth, how he chose to die instead of climbing back down, how he chose to die where he could see the sky and hope and freedom almost like a bird with eiji's letter right in front of him rather than letting everything go wrong and ruin it once again, how eiji's a failed pole vaulter anyway, how a bad fall ruined his career and grounded him (physically and emotionally), how it took flying to america and meeting ash and needing to save him and skip for him to try flying again, how he landed hard and harsh and still the thought of that escape compelled ash to protect eiji at all costs because if he could fly that means something to him, even if he doesn't think he can fly, how eiji is the manifestation of his hope and how when he breaks and asks eiji to stay with him a while he folds himself over his legs and weighs him down and traps him and grounds him, how ash fights like hell to keep eiji alive not because he thinks he can be like him (hopeful, flying, innocent), but because he makes him forget the gravity of his situation, and so he can see eiji fly again. how he wants to see him escape. how eiji is a bird and ash is a wildcat and how ash never once saw eiji as prey. how eiji never saw ash as a predator. how it is eiji's naivete that first endears ash to him, how it is his freedom and flight and removal from darkness and his ability to leave that darkness that really roots eiji in ash's blood as something essential to him keeping on living in this hell of nyc. how it is that distance from the violence and that hope for the future that ash chooses to surround himself in as he dies. how ash dies in a dream because he feels more than anything that he can't fly like eiji, that he can never leave. how his violence is a part of him and will be forever, how it weighs him down. how he wants to enjoy the view from the mountainside rather than looking up from the ground below. as if they can both fly. as if he is with him up there and not grounded. eye-to-eye with what he can't have, seeing eiji's homeland: the sky. how he dies trying to reach the top because he couldn't take retreating and trying again. how ash, tired and tired and tired and convinced it will go on forever if he crawls back down the mountain, chooses to close his life deluged in eiji, in eiji's insistence that they can fly together, in eiji's hope for him and for them, in eiji's beautiful dream. how ash dies without trying to realize that dream. how ash, in dying, destroys it.

#banana fish spoilers #I'M HAVING A FUCKING MOMENT #mutual reblogged exactly one (1) piece of ash fanart and sent me on A Multiple Hour Long Thing and now im rewatching it lol #yes i am only on episode 2 yes i am still going to write big long analysis posts ANYWAY #whatever hope this makes sense. anyway #banana fish #okumura eiji #ash lynx #asheiji #hhhhh i can't believe i've only watched this twice in like what 5.5 years?? sheesh #anywayyyyyyy i care about them a lot ok. god #and yes i DO kinda have beef with the decision to kill ash off at the end but it really does say so much About his character #that he chose to die in the way that he did even though he's been throwing his life away since episode 1 #dying in peace in comfort in solitude rather than in some chaotic battlefield.... ough...... in the peace eiji alone could give him.....#anywayss i relate to ash a little more than i should so. this one's for us cool guy bottoms up #edit i uh.... i forgot it was a leopard.... in the story..... but whatever it doesn't really affect the symbolic meaning it's just embarras #ing that i forgot >;/

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vse-kar-vem · 3 months

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why are we having queerbaiting discourse as a fandom in the year of our lord 2024 😭😭 we're just as bad as twitter oh my god

#real people cant queerbait. jance arent queerbaiting bokris arent queerbaiting either .#we have no right to know their sexualities nor do they have any obligation to tell us before kissing a man. they could be fully straight #they could be playing gay chicken 24/7 (they are) and that still isnt queerbaiting !#what they choose to put in that photoshoot 'authentic' or not is their choice #its so stupid cuz like i thjnk its such a nothingburger of discourse 😭 neither of the ships at play here are in direct conflict with #each other #literally for everyone on both sides : dont like just block #i dont think anyone in this fandom has malintent or is tryinf to put any other members down on purpose #+ we all have our own preferences when it comes to shipping #also i think stuff thats getting said is getting so misinterpreted and magnified beyond original intent that its making everything such a #largwr deal than it is #anyways! my own personal gripe: related to my orher post #why are we babying grown men lord 😭 i would also LOVE a jannacejure photoshoot but im sure its not hurtful for tjem if they dont do it 😭#like theyre grown men not elementary schoolers who need to be told theyre special #sorry that was a little more confrontational! wow we have really descended into disxourse today havent we #what im trying to say is this: i have beloved mutuals on both 'sides' and hold no hard feelings at all we're all entitled to our opinions #and i think it's really stupid to be drawing lines in the sand like this around issues that dontt even matter #ok! im done #vee rambles #ok yeah ive gone back and read all the discourse and my conclusion remains the same. i thjnk some people are reading a leetol too much into #things #but i think both sides have valid points #whatever we shall take it as it comes

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composing-the-future · 7 months

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sometimes i worry that im being too autistic on the autism website

#kota.txt #Like oh shit is this a normal way to talk #Do my mutuals get what i'm trying to say #Surely they do if they follow me right #its like having to communicate by cutting words out of the dictionary #is what it feels like sometimes #like this is not the most concise or legible way to express this at all #but i dont have the energy to optimize it #^ Literally those two sentences is what i worry about like who the fuck says concise #and now i sound way too Um Acktually im an Intellectual Being Smart is a Curse nerd guy #Like no this is just how i talk sometimes idk why #I could also fully be making too mjch if a big deal out of this to the point where it reads as bragging or something #I have no clue. Fucking hell #Anyway if anyone can relate please lmk i am stranded on an island rn

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sheepgirlmaidtummy · 2 months

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really upsetting that black history month just feels performative to me. not when other black ppl celebrate it ofc, but white people won't do shit for it. except drown out the voices of people the month is supposed to commemorate. or just ignore it completely? but you Know they have blm or acab in their bio somewhere

#realizing i dont see much talk about bhm because white ppl refuse to center it. and as it so happens?#the vast majority of posts you'll see online are gonna be from white ppl.#i wonder. if im the only black mutual yall have on here sometimes. likely Yes.#idk. i just wish yall would do better. im tired of this shit #another tangent thats slightly related ig. yall get too fucking comfortable ignoring us when we call for help #i make so many of these posts only to be met with silence. I'm talking to You! say something! if i say i feel invisible as a black woman-#why would you not Say something? yall do this All the time. idc if it'd be clunky and uncomfortable you'd be doing more than most ppl anyway #cant even have a discussion about shit like this in my own polycule cause it falls on white ears to hear.#swagever . who cares

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nicejewishgirl · 7 months

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going to local ER instead since I’m losing too much blood, way too fast! last week was bad but this is scary and I need to be monitored ASAP!

#I’ll be watching all of your recs when I’m there 🙏#I also have so many updates and posts that I haven’t felt the guts to ever say #I’m sorry I’ve been a bad mutual but I’ve been a bad friend to all the online friends and friends from my university #im lucky I live in a condo community w/ lots of extention of family + help! my coastal city - particularly our part of the city #in a particular building where we all meet up together in the front on weekends #even at my sickest - I’m still pretty involved since we see eachother physically & I love cooking + baking for everyone on a 2x monthly #and we all walk the dogs together every afternoon in our dog walking by the harbor group #even then these old people have me in a group text and drop flowers off for me and me for them #living in a community is so helpful but it open my eyes that I’m not even just sick or even a bad friend but those two factors strained #my online relationships bc the effort was so much behind the scenes w/ my health and even typing something out that it makes messaging or #even blogging but I’d like to change that bc I want to be more overt online #and I explain how that relates to Palestine and findinfing joy + $$$ in this end stage capitalist nightmare #I want to be better but I also want to show people the joys of my city (a literal hidden gem yet is a national park) and so between fusing #ideas of environmentalism - community out reach & even descalation of yt Supremacist mentalities when doing outreach + volunteer #even our coastal environmental causes to such great causes that help indigenous latinx members of our community in particular #their rights and their accomplishments in agriculture & how fruitful this place is #we have the best strawberries + berries since they are indigenous plants but anyways from environmentalism to damn farmers markets #I live in a slice of heaven so why leave to go to LA and NYC when I create such beautiful joy by the ocean every day #we have such incredible water views in our condo along with the stunning plain mountains framing the water and sea of palm trees #every sunset is like Santa Barbara (we close!) w/ pink/purple/orange skies that are so vibrant that they make you take pictures constantly #especially with the herons nested there w/ there babies - so close to #is that we watch them all day long + the other coastal birds #all this Shit is random but I realized that if I put my effort into a few things academically that I haven’t even shared in these tags -#that I can have an incredibly fulfilling life while sick as long it pays for itself and I think I can do it w/ a few different plans I’m #creating but I’m setting up a couple of businesss for passive income - go back to grad schooo but for medical research or political science #IR my old life of international relations and start publishing my research on Palestine and Jewish studies #I just need to publish either medical or political but if I do that - have my east businesses that not only highlight my life #but may help the people and animals of my city #but I feel the change finally coming and maybe it took something like this to wake me up #so many funny typos but this was just a quick way to explain that I need to be more comfortable on video + online w/ you all but on tiktok

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pepprs · 1 year

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idk how to reconcile my new self with my old self. also i fucking hate waiting. GRAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#delete later #im getting a taste of my own medicine bc when im overwhelmed depressed etc i don’t even open emails or dms or whatever and then ifeel guilty #and let them build up and run away from them and literally do not reply for years. but ive been waiting for like 5 different but related #replies for 3ish days at this point and im soooooo impatient omg i want to bash my head into the wall.. and afaik no one i messaged has #opened the message despite being active online elsewhere which is EXACTLY what i do so i have no right to complain at all. but still. omggg #i just have a simple question (me and the ps5 voice) reply to my message boy #purrs #also.. ok yeah im gonna be honest about it even if there are consequences lol. idk why im on such a mission to get back all my old #characters but if i don’t i can and will go crazy. i don’t even do that kind of thing anymore and d*viantart is an irreversibly warped #landscape due in part to capitalism and in part to own mistakes and selfish actions. and i truly feel like my tumblr mutuals are the only #ones who understand me and feel safe and cozy on here. but i miss my old internet home. and i really miss my old internet friends and seeing #all the jokes we had and how we were all like interconnected w the same adopt groups and stuff and now we don’t even talk… it makes me so #sad and i feel weird messaging them just for the purpose of asking if they can give me back characters i gave them 4 years ago like a) you j #just don’t do that kind of thing i don’t think but b) it feels so transactional and would make the part of saying hey our friendship was #important to me when i was a teenager and even though we don’t talk anymore i think of you fondly and wish you well. like lollllll. and i #feel cringe even tracking them down / messaging them bc we are all jn our 20s now… embarrassing. but i am so mad at myself for letting those #friendships wither (not that i have the spoons to sustain them these days anyway but still) and for not keeping bettr track of my characters #when i sold them and for giving them up in the first place and for letting my old internet life just fall apart due to neglect bc it puts me #in a bind to try to piece it together again no matter how i try it and i shouldn’t try anyway. but i am so tempted to rn. lol #* itd make saying stuff abt appreciating friendship weird bc there’s a transaction tied in (source: i did this and feel weird and bad)#like the way i want to SCREAM seeing that dA ate all of the journals i made when i was a 14 year old and turned them into glitched polls. th #the way the wayback machine has terrible unreliable records of everything and i can never get some stuff back / track some stuff down. pain #anyways it’s stupid bc i feel cozy and listened to and as connected as i have the energy to be to all of u guys so why am i doing this. but #i miss the dA stuff too and i wish it wasn’t cringe and i wish i could have everything that’s ever been part of me all in one place. lol #also this doesn’t even take into account my poetry community on dA on my other account who i also felt so safe and cozy with and i abandoned #that too and lost touch with basically everyone even though we all knew each others deepest secrets for years.. the heartsickness of it all #anyways mutuals who knew me on deviantart i am clutching both your hands with impassioned urgency and kissing u on the cheeks. that’s all

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dethbug · 1 year

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does your mood ever just get completely ruined remembering every embarrassing thing youve ever said

#the amount of times ive made shit attempts at fitting in at work through the mutual teasing everyone does but like #going in way too hard and making everyone uncomfortable #i love when i do that #or when i say something really fucking stupid that makes me laugh but everyone just kinda looks around in silence #also another favorite of mine 💔 FUCK MAN #i know people joke abt being awkward and stuff but THIS AINT QUIRKY #THIS IS EMBARRASSING . AND JUST PLAIN AWFUL #like one time i was messing around and my boss was making jokes abt how hes my favorite or something #and said something abt getting a hug from me (not as creepy as im describing #i really just dont remember specifics)#and i deadass said 'i have never wanted to hug you a day in my life' AND EVERYONE WENT 😶 and i walked away BFJFJG #MF LITERALLY FOLLOWED ME INTO THE BREAK ROOM TO BE LIKE 'hey we're cool right'#LIKE BRO I DIDNT EVEN PICK UP ON HOW AWKWARD IT MADE EVERYONE FEEL UNTIL AFTER I WAS LIKE...YEAH DUDE I WAS TOTALLY JUST KIDDING....#*painful realization of how unfunny it was to say that*#WHICH HONESTLY. unfair bc i can name a coworker specifically thats mean as shit on purpose as a joke and has made fun of me multiple times #LIKE HE SAYS HARSHER SHIT AND ITS LANDED IDK HOW THE FUCKER DOES IT 💔#maybe i should just not try and joke like that #its just so bad idk how to relate to people or. be natural and just hang out #how tf do people just DO THAT.#anyway sorry for the huge rant i just needed to get it out of my system bc holy fuck man 😭 ITS SO BADDD #bug.txt

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here-there-everyfuckenwhere · 2 years

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I don’t like to get personal on here often, but tbh one of my pet peeves is when I try to open up about something (especially something about feeling anxious or depressed) to someone, and they immediately ask something like “are you mad at me?” or “what did I do?”

I know people really stress about whether or not they’ve done something to upset me, but most of the time there really isn’t a reason I feel this way and it just kinda sounds like they’re not even listening they’re just making the whole thing about them..

#personal #you can rb i guess i dont mind #not sure why you would though #maybe theres some sad antisocial people out there idk #ray rants and junk #im actually having this vent because my s.o complains that i never tell them how im feeling so today i tried to tell them how i was feeling-#and i told them that i feel very out of touch and lonely and isolated and ive been getting really depressed because they're literally the-#only person i have a meaningful connection with anymore outside of my parents and all my mutuals on tumblr (as depressing as that sounds)#(jk i love you guys lol)#and they were immedately like oml did i do something?? am i not enough??? are you breaking up with me??? a #and tbh it was kinda annoying because i was just trying to tell them how i genuinely feel and its really hard for me to talk about this sort #of thing and i dont expect them to understand or relate or whatever but as soon as they make the whole thing about themselves and about our-#relationship it just sorta feels..#invalidating? like theyre not properly listening?#and like if they can't understand why I wouldnt need more than one meaningful relationship in my life then theyre completely missing the-#point. Ive never been angry at them before and we've never had a fight but honestly this really frustrated me and im having a rant on the-#hellsite (affectionate) to you guys before it becomes one #but its 1am here and im fucken tired so someone please stop me before i say something i'll regret in the morning lol #anyway

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cherrycheolcoups · 11 months

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seventeen fic recs - vampire au [hyung line]

started: 05/15/23

updated: ---

doing these by aus first lol. link to my overall fic recs masterlist here: unavailable for now. working on posting the masterlist

BY MEMBER:

choi seungcheol:

me and my husband by @berriesandjunnie

pairing: vampire!seungcheol x afab!reader | synopsis: even after marriage, your husband has peculiar habits that catch you off guard | genre & tags: fluff, vampire!seungcheol, human!reader, established relationship, just some funny soft vampire x human, short fluff!!, some blood mentions | word count: 1.2k

vampire boyfriend by @serenityseventeen

pairing: vampire!seungcheol x human!reader | warnings: just typical vampire related things like blood etc. | in form of a bulleted list with pros and cons at the end

indulgence by @sluttywonwoo

pairing: vampire!seungcheol x human!reader | summary: dating a vampire gets...complicated when you're on your period | warnings: swearing, menstruation, blood, smut 18+, fingering, shower sex, unprotected sex, period sex, blood drinking BUT NOT THAT BLOOD | word count: 4k | honestly my fav vampire!cheol fic HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!

take a bite by @junkissed

pairing: vampire!seungcheol x human!reader (she/her pronouns) | genre: fluff, mild angst, hurt/comfort, humor | word count ~1,500 | warnings: mentions of blood (reader's), sulky pouty cheol but he turns into softie happy cheol, an ounce of angst, an annoying little kid (/j he's cute), the kid thinks reader is cheol's wife and uses she/her pronouns

yoon jeonghan:

3:57 am by @gguksgalaxy

pairing: hunter!jeonghan x vampire!reader | word count: 1k | warnings: suggestive, vampires (so blood), swearing

no rest for the wicked by @berriesandjunnie

pairing: vampire!jeonghan x human!reader | synopsis: witnessing something you wasn't supposed to leaves you with an unusual stalker | genre & tags: fluff, vampire!jeonghan, human!reader, a little yandere vibes not gonna lie, fortunate turn of events, blood mentions, murder mention

burning by @kofic

pairing: vampire!jeonghan x artist!reader | genre: romance, angst, smut, elements of mystery, art au, artist reader, art collector-dealer vamp!jeonghan | warnings: 18+ mature themes, explicit language, cursing, mentions of blood (if not comfortable do not engage), mutual pining, mentions of self harm, convo about mental health insecurities, smut, fingering, oral f!receiving, hair pulling (both equally), pussy spanking (two times), edging!, unprotected, cumshot, jeonghan controls the pace, blood licking/sucking, anyway, as i said this work deals with a darker theme and so i promise to do my best in using soothing language too, though blood! u've been warned, i don't wish to go & say this possess elements of horror just bc im not entirely sure if it does | word count: 18k; slowburn

hong jisoo:

svt joshua: 82 by @craby-bouquet

pairing: vampire!joshua x human!reader | genre: fluff, vampire au | word count: 1k | summary: 82 "so you're telling me that you've never had a romcom moment? well i'm going to make that my personal mission to make sure you're going to have at least one tonight"

[ngl couldn't really find more, sorry!]

wen junhui:

vampire kisses by @horanghaejamjam

pairing: vampire lord!junhui x human!female reader | summary: he is the head of the wen family, the highest ranking family of vampires in the country. you are a mere human sold to them for the purpose of being his mate and bride. jun is determined to win your heart before you wed, and perhaps a few playful kisses are the key to doing that. | rating: m 18+ | genre: vampire au, slight rivals to lovers, smut, fluff | word count: 16.3k | warnings/contents: smut, blood and blood drinking, biting, jun being super flirty and teasing, arranged marriage, virgin!reader, unprotected sex, body worship, oral (male receiving), praise, soft bondage (jun ties/blindfolds reader with silk), fingering, talks about impregnation. mostly just very fluffy and soft with jun being whipped for reader

the first circle of hell by @lovelyhan

pairing: vampire!jun x stylist!reader | summary: the first time you catch a glimpse of jun, you feel like you've seen him somewhere before. a magazine cover, a billboard, or a music show you watched in passing. jun, on the other hand, seems to know you a lot better than you know yourself. | word count: 6.3k | tags: vampire!jun, stylist!reader, reincarnation, angst, smut | warnings: graphic depictions of sex, minors dni

bite me by @berriesandjunnie

pairing: vampire!junhui x afab!reader | synopsis: you're not sure how vampires work in real life but you can't risk leaving him behind. | genre & tags: fluff, slight angst, vampire!junhui, human!reader, mentions of dying, slightly suggestive scene (at least hints to one; minors you're safe), vampire consent, blood is mentioned 600 fricking times /j | word count: 2.0k

kwon soonyoung:

N/A

jeon wonwoo:

infinity by @blue-jisungs

pairing: vampire!wonwoo x human!reader | summary: by a rather unpleasant string of events you find out who...or what your boyfriend really is | warnings: swearing, blood, violence but nothing extreme, a pinch of angst if u will | au: vampire!wonwoo | word count: 4.7k

just a sip by @jejuboo-s

pairing: vampire!wonwoo x female reader | word count: 1.4k | genre: complete smut, nothing much else | summary: while shaving your legs up to your thighs in the shower, you accidentally wound yourself, blood spilling out of the small cut. in a hurry, you contemplate on going outside and asking wonwoo to help. but you really couldn't. why? because your boyfriend was a vampire

bloodlove: one more taste by @multi-kpop-fanfics

pairing: vampire boyfriend!wonwoo x human girlfriend!reader | genre: fluff, smut, minor comedy | warnings: period sex, oral sex (fem rec), consent bcs it's sexy, blood consumption, wonwoo goes into subspace, mentions of death (nobody dies, it's said as a joke), mentions of food, medication and period cramps - do not read if uncomfortable with such themes | word count: 2.7k | summary: for most people, there's nothing tastier than pizza - for wonwoo, it's you (and your pussy)

lee jihoon:

N/A

#cherrycheolcoups #seventeen fic recs #vampire au #choi seungcheol #s.coups #yoon jeonghan #hong jisoo #joshua #wen junhui #kwon soonyoung #hoshi #jeon wonwoo #lee jihoon #woozi

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koolades-world · 1 month

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Hello! Since ur taking requests would you mind doing the boys with an aromantic MC and/or an MC with philophobia (the fear of love)? I fall under both those categories but I still enjoy romance in fictional, not-real settings since im a major obey me fan (I mean like that should be a given but im just saying lol)

This request is very self-indulgent and you don't gotta do it if you don't wanna! Have a good day/night anyways whatever you do!

haha, hi! of course :)

enjoy!

Aromantic Mc

Lucifer

he's all on board because that just means you'll focus on the program more /j

in all realness though he's like a supportive dad ^tm

will say things like "that's my kid" and "I raised them" to diavolo whos just like "???" the whole time

best dad ever

Mammon

the most wholesome besties ever

you share a braincell and are mutually dumbasses

even if you're a genius, when he's around, no you aren't

be ready to run into at least one wall head on and hang from the ceiling at least twice together

Levi

he's very supportive and shows you all of his favorite aromantic characters

his room is always open for you

you spend lots of time together gaming and generally bonding

you're still his henry in a platonic way <3

Satan

gifts you an aromantic pride flag <3

the two of you spend even more time hidden away in secondhand book stores

events together are super fun

if you need, he'll punch a bitch for you haha

Asmo

you were worried when you first met him that you might not get along

he understands that you don't really want him to flirt with you so he just doesn't and instead you guys are best friends

he would be an awesome bestie who has your back all the way

y'all will do lots of skin care and shopping together <3

Beel

the same big old sweetie

lots of bear hugs and lots of going out late at night to get something to eat

he quickly learns your food preferences and makes sure to place snack foods onto your side table periodically

every time he seems something aromantic pride related, he gets it for you so now you have a collection from him

Belphie

huge homework helper when he's not asleep

loves to sneak up behind you and drag you into a blanket cocoon

lots of napping together

always ready to share his favorite nap spots with you

#obey me!#obey me #obey me x reader #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me mammon #obey me beel #obey me lucifer #obey me levi #obey me belphie #omswd #obey me shall we date #obey me! shall we date

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not-alien-girl-v · 11 months

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bro im sad and need 75 fluff

Beside You (George Daniel)

i need u to know how badly i wanted to reply to this with ‘damn that sucks. goodluck tho’

warning: is this too fucked up. you can be honest with me. tw language also i make up my own sayings sometimes so if ur ever reading my work and thinking ‘who the fuck says that’ no one does except for me

note: this is fucked up because i feel like i relate to reader too much. anyways. read at ur own risk

2.8k

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ: *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

Wallet, phone, gum, breath mints, polaroids, but no keys in her purse. She’s supposed to have them, anyway. George loves to get on her about it every time she forgets them, which is about 50 percent of the time.

And here she is, keyless, outside his house.

It’s like a cruel game, this entire situation. She can hear the laughter inside, voices of her closest friends pooled together in liquid form, swirling around in the room before her like an aquarium of dirty jokes and screaming laughter.

They’re all just on the other side of the door. Just a room away. Yet she’s still on the outside, looking in through some metaphorical window. The curtains are closed, the glass shut to keep the smell of weed and cigarettes inside.

She misses them, more than she can say, more than she thought she would.

‘The door is always open,” she can hear his words ringing through her head. ‘To you,’ an afterthought. She never knows what to make of it when he says things like that.

Again, though, metaphorically, the door is open. Physically? It’s locked tighter than her asshole.

So if not keys, what does she have? Dignity? It’s close to being out the window if she has to knock repeatedly until someone hears her and opens the door, even more so if she has to call him to open it, or any of them, really, she doesn’t want to seem desperate, at least not as desperate as she truly is.

God, she feels like a schoolgirl just at the thought of this whole ordeal. She’s in love with George Daniel. It’s not a hard thing to do, he’s basically the man of any girl’s dreams, but she was just fortunate enough (or perhaps, unfortunate enough) to become friends with him.

Him, and his stupid friends, his stupid house, his stupid locks.

She’s deciding what to do when, magically, the door swings open on its own. But it isn’t magic. It’s just George.

He grins, not like he’s happy to see her, but like he’s happy to be right, prove a point about something. He doesn’t greet her, he takes a step back, letting her cross the threshold on her own terms, and proudly exclaims to his dumbass friends scattered around the living room.

“I was right! I told you she’d be waiting outside like a creep!” Again, making no moves to interact with her at all. No ‘we’ve been apart for 4 months hug.’ No ‘I miss you’, no ‘I’m sorry I don’t answer when you call’, but somehow she loves how he doesn’t care.

He’s nonchalant, the ‘chill’ one of the group, always too high to care too much about anything, but it’s not a fault, not to her. Rose tinted glasses, or something.

Ross is on the single lounge chair, slumped down, joint pinched between the his pointer and thumb of his right hand, Adam sprawled out on the loveseat, stretching his legs out onto George’s previous seat, taking up the entire space of the couch since George got up and abandoned his cushy spot.

Matty’s on the floor. Matty was on the floor, but he twists onto his feet, approaching her in the door way.

“Y/N! It’s good to see your face,” he works his arms over both her shoulders, less of a mutual hug, more him holding her hostage in a death trap for a moment, firm pats and swipes on her clothed back. “I missed you,” that last part is muffled into her hair.

She watches George over Matty’s shoulder, rolling his eyes at Hann, pretending to sit on Ross’s lap for a second before dropping to the ground, legs crossed, and takes the joint from Ross. His mouth hollows around it as he inhales, carved cheekbones on full display.

He’s a spectacle to watch. If she had it her way, she’d never take her eyes off of him. But she can’t have it her way, not yet.

She gives Matty 3 firm rubs on the back, muttering a ‘missed you too’ into his neck, then ducks under his arms, sitting herself an appropriate distance from George on the floor, but close enough to show she wants more than friendship, if that’s even something that can be conveyed through sitting distance.

It’s these types of things that rot her brain every time she’s near him. It’s like a spell he puts her under, she can’t talk right, she gets all blushy and flushed and nervous when she looks at him, so she’s made a habit of looking anywhere else, the floor, her nails, his friends.

She’s snapped out of her daydream by George elbowing her in the ribs to grab her attention. “You want a hit?”

She allows herself a smidge of self-indulgence. Eyes trace his shoulder, rippling muscles under warm skin under colored tattoos, she wanders down it to his arms, veins protruding like he’s completing some impressive feat, one that requires complete contraction of all his muscles, yet between his fingers, all that lays is a tiny joint.

“Uh, yeah,” she decides to allow her fingers to gently brush his own, concluding it’s just the right amount of mix of longing and friendly gesture, romantic and platonic stirred into one touch, and this, this little action, this will be the moment George confesses his true love for her so she doesn’t have to do it first.

She could do it. She could say what she’s been biting her tongue about for years and years now. She could have done it any number of moments these past years.

The night before the boys left for tour, when George stopped by her house impulsively, out in the pouring rain for her until she let him in, and they talked and talked and talked until their throats ran raw and voices croaked. Any pause in the conversation, she could have blurted it out, pulled his lips to hers.

Halloween, 1 year ago, when she dropped acid and began to have a bad trip, she freaked out so hard she was almost inconsolable, when he locked the door behind them in her bedroom and wrestled her frantic self down onto her bed and held her there. He was so close, nearly every inch of his body molded to hers in some way, hell, she could feel his breath on the space behind her ear. They stayed like that for hours. She didn’t utter a word.

She will admit, things have been different as of late. These moments where she thinks she could almost say what she wants to are becoming sparse. Intense, deep moments that make her feel connected to him body and soul. She hasn’t been feeling it as much lately.

Maybe she was pulling away from him, maybe he was pulling away from her, but the distance from tour wasn’t the only space between them.

That didn’t stop her from missing him like hell every time he went away.

“By the way, Y/N, we ordered Chinese before you got here, there’s leftovers in the kitchen,” Adam mumbles to her, like it’s his only volume of voice. Has he ever yelled?

She nods, wordlessly, and walks to the kitchen, hoping to get away from the whirlwind of emotions she is being assaulted by from simply being in the presence of George. Years of friendship and it never gets easier.

She finished a small plate of food quietly in the kitchen. She hears the boys laughing in the room, on the other side of the wall.

Leaning over the sink, she scrapes the plastic fork against the edges of the now empty bowl.

“That was quick,” a voice from behind her, startling her so bad, she drops both items in the sink.

It’s him.

“I was hungry.”

He approaches from behind, getting too close than what she would consider a friendly distance, but George does this all the time.

What he doesn’t do all the time, however, is wrap his arms around her waist from behind. "Missed you," he speaks through an inhale, like he's breathing her in, toxic fumes that swirl around his lungs like smoke.

"Yeah, same." She's a fucking imbecile. How was he supposed to know she loved him when she says such dry things when he's here, wearing his heart on his sleeve as he does. Does he do this to all his female friends?

He hums, not prodding further about the way her voice is unexpectedly monotone. He releases her from his grip, reaching around her for a fortune cookie.

"You had one of these yet? They kind of taste like an old man's ear but I know you love the corny messages inside of them." He's right. She does love that. She loves that he knows she loves it. She loves him.

"Sure," she takes it from him, cracking open the shell and discarding the gross cookie on the counter behind them, as she does so, he settles himself in front of her, trapping her against the counter with both hands resting on it on either side of her, their chests not quite touching but she certainly can feel his warm body next to hers.

"What's it say?" He mumbles, not wanting his buddies to catch him in such a compromising position with one of his closest friends. Matty would surely give him hell for it. 'Why don't you ever treat me like that?'

If Matty weren't so hung up on Y/N, George would swear the boy was gay for him.

She unrolls the white paper. 'You only live once. 19 3 23 90.' Was this thing for real? Were the stars truly aligning so perfectly for her just this once. And the numbers, they're numbers engraved in the same sector of her brain, the sector containing all things George. When rearranged, they would spell out George's birthday. The 23rd of March, 1990.

Fuck, it was like God herself was here, screaming in Y/N's face, "this is a sign! This is a sign!" It was neon, bright pink and green, appearing over the man's head, reflecting of his bleached blond hair. George gazes patiently at her.

"YOLO," she says, and laughs without humor. He cackles, his loud, familiar witchy laugh that makes her weak at the knees, but she doesn't allow herself to swoon.

"No fucking way! Let me see that," he cruelly rips it out of her gentle fingers, eyeing it himself. He exhales a sigh, "what a fucking joke."

A sign. A sign. A sign.

"George. George?" She tries out his name like it's the first time. He doesn't suspect a thing, he glances innocently up at her from the fortune paper.

"Yes, love?" An arrow through her heart, piercing ang stinging, sharp.

"I..."

"What?"

"I love you. I love you. More than as a friend."

And he laughs. He laughs like she just told some tastefully dirty joke to him, like friends would, good friends, best friends. "Yeah, sure."

"I'm serious George. I'm in love with you. I have been for, I don't know, a long time.

He retreats. He backs away, smile wiped from his face.

"No, no." He tries to shake his head like disagreeing with her will make it not true.

"I am. I didn't know how to tell you, I swear, I lost count of all the times I almost did. I was so close for so long, but I was scared. Still am. Please." God, how pathetic does she sound right now. Please? This is not how she planned it. Where was the requited love confession? The passionate kiss? The foreheads pressed together like lovers would? It's nowhere to be found, she's afraid.

"Don't do this. Come on, we've got a good thing going, you and me. Don't ruin it, you're ruining it!" His voice starts to raise.

She fucked up big time.

"I'm ruining it? Me! You didn't call me for 4 months. 4 months, George. You didn't answer my texts, nothing! You left me with nothing for 4 fucking months! Then, when you finally get back, I come to see you and you say nothing! You said nothing to me! No, wait, you called me a creep for standing outside your house. No hug, no 'I missed you'. Nothing, George!"

"Look, I just didn't want to be all sappy about you in front of the guys. It would look... I don't know... weird."

"Oh, ok. So you weren't being all sappy when you were practically groping your ex-girlfriend in a room with everyone? Sucking face, sitting her on your lap, grabbing her tits, that's not too sappy for you. But saying hello to your best friend you haven't heard from in months? That's where you draw the line, huh? Can you just be honest with me? Can you just tell me the fucking truth?"

He's sure everyone's been hearing every single word of this, and to his surprise, no one has intervened yet. Not even Matty.

"Fine, Y/N. You want the truth? If you want it so bad, then you can have it. I knew you loved me. You're so obvious about it, God, I'm not fucking stupid. But I never felt the same way, so I didn't say anything. Is that a crime? It's nothing new to you, you're not my type. If we're both being honest, you're not the most attractive girl. It's not your fault. And it never bothered me because we're friends. Why can't we just be friends? Please, Y/N, stop doing this, you're only making it worse."

"You're such a dick! You're such a fucking dick!"

It's at this point, Matty and Ross pile into the room, Ross trying to diffuse the situation by attempting to escort George out of the tension-filled room, Matty trying to escalate the situation, giving George a slap to the face.

"What the fuck is your problem, asshole? After everything I told you? Everything we've been through?" Now Ross is attempting to pull George away from Matty, Adam joining in to separate Matty from George.

"She's my fucking friend! I'll deal with her how I want to!" George retorts. He attempts lunging at Matty but Ross, full-bodied and strong, holds him back.

"Sure, she's your fucking friend. So what? That means you have the right to treat her like shit when she tells you how she feels? You've been leading her on for years now! Everyone knows it. Ross, Adam, me, you brought this upon your fucking self and now the inevitable has happened and this is how you choose to deal with it! She's a human being, with real feelings, real emotions, and more than that, she's your best friend. Shouldn't that count for something at a time like this?"

The physical aggression has mostly gone away now, and Ross is unsure of what to do, should he break up the argument? Take sides? Back Matty up? Console the now sobbing Y/N? He takes frantic glances to Hann as he debates all the options, Hann, clearly doing the same. They stay frozen in their spots.

"I'm not in love with her. I don't love her, not like that, she just doesn't do it for me. I can't control that. I don't have to love her back, I can't. Besides, I thought you were the one head over heels for her. This should be your lucky day, after a tough rejection, you can swoop in on your white horse and take her for yourself. You should be thanking me, giving you an opening after all this ridiculous pining you've been doing."

"You're right, I do want her. I've wanted her to love me for as long as she's been hung up on you. But I'm a decent fucking guy, and I wouldn't want to start something with her, not under these circumstances. This is all wrong, this isn't right, George. She doesn't deserve this. She cares about you, she cares so much, and you knew this whole time, so obviously you should have known better than to go and treat her like this. Grow a pair, you cunt!" Matty finishes with a harsh poke to George's chest.

Unsurprisingly, George storms out, despite this being his own house, car keys in his pocket, and no one quite knows where he may be off to at a time like this but that's not anyone's main priority anymore.

Matty takes a moment to collect himself, trying to pretend like he's the only one in the room for a moment, before turning around to assess the situation, the girl he's been in love with.

He turns to see her crying into a hug from Ross, Adam unsurely rubbing her back in comfort, neither one of them certain on what to do. There's still so much left unsaid.

Once Ross takes notice of Matty's impatient gaze, he pats the girl's back, turning her in his grasp, trying not to feel bad about essentially handing her off to Matty, but at the moment, it seems like they need each other more than anyone needs Ross, so he does what he has to do. "Go to him, love," he mutters, leaning down to whisper in her ear.

Hesitantly, she approaches Matty, no idea of what is next to come.

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

Taglist: @indierockgirrl @itssimpleanditgoeslikethis @milkluvr8 @americanangel

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fefairys · 3 months

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I just read up to the breakup with Meenah and Vriska and fuck, i really dislike that whole situation. Got any thoughts you wanna ramble about regarding that?

OKAY I FINALLY GOT HERE IN MY REREAD.

god yes everything involving meenah and (vriska) and the vriska (vriska) confrontation is extremely fascinating to me. mostly because i resonate with a lot of it so hard it hurts. long ass post below. i got very personal lol what can i say. i vriska.

(vriska) goes into people-pleasing mode when she and meenah are alone. it actually reminds me of how she would sometimes act with kanaya. the vulnerability, mainly. but like. its a little different. with kanaya it was more like 'youre the only bitch around here i respect, but im still better than everyone else. i want you to like me but i dont NEED you to! (<-lie)' but with meenah its like 'you are the only person i have and so i have to be good for you so you dont leave me.'

she backs down super easily with meenah. sometimes she does argue for herself, but ultimately she always ends up deferring to meenah. she wants to agree with everything she says. wants her to like her:

^ she doesnt want to say the carnival looks fun until she's gotten meenah's approval. she has to be cool for meenah.

her suggestion gets shot down and she immediately sides with meenah. oh yeah i didnt want to do that anyway in fact i hate horses!

it's tricky, because of some of it seems like actual Character Development, and her getting over some shit. and i definitely think these thinks dont have to be mutually exclusive. she can be realizing things about herself and moving on from them while at the same time falling into habits that are equally unhealthy for a person.

she realizes she used to care way too much about stuff and tries to counter it by not caring at all. she realizes she used to push people around to much and counters it by becoming a pushover herself. this is sickeningly relatable to me.

the scene where meenah convinces her to get a tattoo is a good example of this.

she realizes that a long-held opinion she had is actually kind of bullshit, and that she cared way too much about it for no reason. good job, vriska!

but then she pretty much leaves the actual decision of it up to meenah! she asks meenah to tell her what to do instead of thinking for herself. she justifies it by agreeing that she loves pirate stuff anyway! shes trying to make up for a lifetime of bossing people around by asking someone else to boss her around. and she convinces herself that this is making her happy! and i mean it definitely is, in a way. it feels good to feel liked by someone. to have the approval of someone you look up to. it is making her happy. but is that... good for her? i dont know! it doesn't feel good to me.

this stuff is hitting me extremely close to home on this reread because i like JUST came upon the revolution that i kinda did this? not to this extreme polarity, but it still resonates.

i was (kind of am still, it's in my nature) a very bossy and controlling person, and i lost an entire circle of friends because they were rightfully tired of me telling them what to do and being so self-righteous all the time. so when trying to make new friends after that, i turned on people-pleaser mode. and i'm kind of still stuck there and trying to strike a balance between being a doormat people-pleaser and being a huge bitch that wants everyone to behave how *i* want them to. it is a hard balance to strike. its hard knowing when i should stand up and say something and when i should let something go, so most often i let things go. and OFTENTIMES i live to regret it. "i should have said something" is something i've been finding myself thinking A LOT in recent months...

and its tricky, because it feels good when people i respect say they approve of me. i feel happy that someone likes me. but sometimes that has come at the cost of sacrificing parts of myself. and it can feel good in the moment, to feel connected to someone like that, but then one day you wake up full of dread because you dont know who the fuck you are anymore. (vriska) didn't really ever get to that point, or, she never voiced it. vriska points out that shes become an entirely different person, but she does it in a way that uhhh fucking sucks lol! and is not helpful, because vriska's not exactly doing great, herself! she shows off her hypocrisy DELICIOUSLY in this scene.

she calls (vriska) selfish for.... being dead, essentially. and she justifies all her own selfish actions with it being "for the greater good," just as she always has. this is par for the course with vriska

^ i looooove this part right here where she sidesteps the fact that she did in fact plan to go fight jack but john punched her in the face to stop her. "different shit happened!" (i actually made the exact same decisions as you, but an outside force changed things and now i feel superior to you because i got a serendipitous opportunity that you didnt)

this whole conversation hits hard with me. it literally sounds similar to conversations ive had with myself! it's hard to not want to side with (vriska) i mean she does feel like the more reasonable one in this conversation and has had more time to think and reflect on herself, and vriska is being a fucking asshole about it, but like, i don't think either of them is exactly Right?

like, vriska has a bit of a point that (vriska) doesnt seem to notice that she's gone people-pleaser mode. but (vriska) thinks this is what happiness is. she despises her old self who was obsessed with inserting herself into everything and feeling the need to be The Best and prove herself as such, to catastrophic outcomes. so of course she wants to separate herself from that as much as possible and strive to become the opposite of it. someone who doesnt care about shit, and who lets other people make decisions for her instead of her making the decisions for everyone against their will. i think (vriska) was on the right track, but just couldn't really... Get There without the right support. and meenah was definitely not the right support.

but anyways like. vriska yelling at (vriska) at how disgusted she is with her is so sickeningly similar to me, looking back and realizing that i used to like.. stand up for myself more. if someone said some shit i didnt like i TOLD them i had a problem. i didn't let people push me around. and i think god, what happened to me? i became a weak loser that bends to peoples idea of what i should be instead of being myself. am i really happy?

but its not like i was better off before, either. vriska still isn't right. yeah i didnt let people boss me around, because i bossed THEM around. when i told people i had a problem with them i was MEAN about it. i said rude shit unnecessarily. i made everything about me and didn't care about what other people thought.

my past self and my "current" self (maybe like, my 'a few months ago self' i like to think im working through it but im still having trouble lol) are disgusted with each other. im disgusted that i used to straight up bully people all the time, and past me is disgusted that i seemed to have stopped having convictions, that i let other people decide who i should be, etc.

neither of them are really happy, but (vriska) sure seems a lot kinder, at least. she's made progress, but in a way that benefits other people more than it does herself.

also i love vriska saying "what happened to not letting shit get to you because you always knew you were better than the one slinging it" that is such utter bullshit. she is ALWAYS letting stuff get to her. all of her god damn actions are because she lets stuff get to her. everything she does is to prove herself. the cycle of revenge shit?? yeah totally didn't let it get to you. thats why you killed aradia and blinded terezi. because you were just so totally better than them and not letting it get to you. this stuff:

yeah. letting it roll off your back. lol

anyways back to meenah and (vriska)

meenah recognizes this vulnerability in (vriska) and it scares her. she does the whole "im abandoning you... for your own good..." thing, which... sucks! as you said, this whole situation just fucken sucks, man.

(vriska) basically admits that at this point, without meenah, she's lost. she let meenah mold her into what she wanted, and to lose her would be to lose herself.

but i mean i don't think there was another way this could've gone. (vriska) was essentially meenah's rebound after aranea (and vriska is her rebound after (vriska) lol) and it's just.. ALL bad. its just... everyone here has such deep personal issues that they cant help but let effect each other, yknow? meenah realizes that her issues are effecting (vriska) and thinks that removing herself from the situation is best. maybe it is? it turns out okay for (vriska) in the end, at least. as "okay" as she can possibly get, i guess.

i don't know. there's a lot here! it all just hurts and sucks. teens, man. how it is.

this is just my (very personal, frankly) interpretation of the events, idk. i think i said a lot here without actually saying anything all that substantial, as i feel like i tend to do. i just resonate with vriska really hard, what and you gave me an opportunity to ramble about it lol

#asks #enviousennui #sams reading homestuck again #vriska #(vriska)#meenah

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coquettejohnny · 2 months

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i feel like my acc is so boring now i apologize deeply for that </3 i initially made this account to post my fuckass outsiders related thoughts without caring what other people think and i didnt have any friends who liked the outsiders as much as me so like why not just post them not the internet. idk anyone on here anyway so like even if they make fun of me it's whatever lmao idgaf what other people think. but then erm..... i kind of started caring about what they think......now im terrified if i say something wrong one of my mutuals will find me annoying hate me forever LMAO but we ball ^_^

also i have like no more ideas LMAO they all just happened in the span of a few weeks and i posted them all at once now i have no more.... my bad

#deeply sorry for the yap session it will happen again #who's gonna read all this lmao #is this classified as a vent idk im sorry if it is #in no way is this hate to my mutuals yall are so cool #too cool sometimes #yall intimidate me a little #it's okay thought i still love yall🩷🩷#kiss kiss

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urfavnegronerd · 4 months

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percy jackson brain-rot as i begin the books again

as someone whos hopelessly devoted to the workings of rick riordon i absolutely never understood percabeth

like,

they're literally 12, children, CANNOT LEGALLY DRIVE OR CONSENT TO SEX at the end of the og series (chalice of the gods) and niggas really out here shipping the fuck outta them

shit dig hard enough on a03 and there's prolly smut of the two of em

never understood it, like i get a cute lil mutual pining thing where they both like each other but a whole ass ship never made sense. like no, the two don't make babies. why? CUZ THEYRE BABIES THEMSELVES

edit:

okay to clear things up cs people are in the comments saying i don't know what a ship is (i'm literally a fanfic writer on here but okay)

i'm just saying that these are literally little kids in middle school. i'm not saying that middle school kids don't have relationships, but it's still weird. and from, i'm boutta geek out about this incredibly obscure topic i'm sorry, a developmental standpoint middle grade children are nowhere near psychologically ready to be in a relationship which is why it's extremely rare to see couples who have been together since middle school (that one episode of abbott elementary). if you go on tiktok and look for people who broke up with someone they were in a relationship with from middle school- high school, those breakups are traumatic

all breakups are traumatic in some way, but there have been several people who have developed traits of borderline personality disorder because they broke up with someone they had been romantically involved with since middle school.

also let's not forget how warped your view on intimate relationships go (fucking. imma say it the way you think about fucking is skewed). the people i've spoken to who broke up with their middle school partner in their older parts of high school have recounted just how awful their view on sex was, some have even pondered if they were asexual because they couldn't picture themselves up under anyone else.

like i get it, it's cute to see little kids who like each other, but most of this fandom are of age to drive, to study for the SATS/gsces, some are able to legally drink in the united states, or applying to college. these are little baby children that high school students and young adults should not be playing match maker for. ALSO WALKER SCOBELL IS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL/ HIS FIRST YEAR IN HS HE WAS BORN IN 2009.

anyway,

i get it, we all have head canons, but shipping two middle schoolers who a) may or may not have started puberty b) did not stay at one school for too long c) don't know trig formulas d) may or may not have had their first period/ voice dropped/ you get the picture.

i don't understand percabeth as a whole romantic ship, but mostly as a fluffy little middle school flirty thing (prolonged eye contact, stealing hats, asking if they can hug/kiss at a certain time, etc.)

i love love love the concept of seaweed brain and wise girl, smartwater, percabeth, whatever, I THINK THEY'RE ADORABLE but i don't understand the draw of why people feel the incessant need to make it extremely romantic. like why why whyyyyyyy. can we js let them be kids, because lets be real a lot of the newer additions to this fandom only know about the show (and its okay we love you guys anyway its just that some of us have read the books too, its not required for you to love the show that you need to read the books) and are already talking about 'annabeth and percy need to just kiss already' no they don't. cs percy just lost his mom (i know something you dooonttttttt) and our cutie patootie annabeth is still lowkey a mystery (i'm guessing?? idk i haven't watched the show yet i think im gonna pirate it soon or smth, im js assuming because idk what point the show is at in relation to the first book), etc. can we maybe not make them a whole ass ship until the show is in relation to the last few books of the series. lets js let them be kids for now.

AND THIS IS NOT TO SAY THAT I DIDN'T LIKE WHEN THEY WERE AN ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP IN THE LATER BOOKS OKAY ITS NOT TO SAY THAT im just saying that i didn't understand the concept of percabeth within the first few books because it was a little wonky to really really want two twelve year olds to be in a relationship. they're cute when its in the last few books but come on yall. lets not ship them yet. also report any smut you see of them that's not cool or rick riordon approved.

theyre still babies, even if some of the fandom has read all of the books and others didn't.

does this make sense?

xoxo,

rae <3

#percabeth #grover underwood #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo #pjo series #percy jackson #annabeth #annabeth chase #percy and annabeth #annabeth pjo #annabeth percy jackson #perseus jackson

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lovedazai · 4 months

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greeting mai <3

while i do not consider it entirely impossible to top chuuya, he will basically always top and i think a large part of it (looking into his psychology) has to do with the sheer amount of trust in another person it takes to allow them to take control of you in that way, especially in such a vulnerable state. even if chuuya could technically throw them off with his ability, he wouldn't be letting them top if he felt like he might do that anyway.

relating to soukoku, specifically with dazai, who can cancel chuuya's ability, i think the likelihood of dazai always topping chuuya isn't very high. (i know half the fandom believes otherwise, and you're not wrong for your own interpretation, this is just how i see it. i also think it would be way easier to top dazai, let me know if you want me to tell you why).

not to say that chuuya doesn't trust his partner, whoever they may be. keeping his guard up is just instinctual with how many times he's been stabbed in the back.

i think that as a top, he enjoys the power rush that comes from it, and he also likes knowing that he's doing a good job and taking care of you (he takes pride in providing for you, likes buying you gifts, wants you to know how loved and appreciated you are).

there's definitely a safe word established between the two of you (as there should be in every relationship) and i think that would help if you ever brought up the idea of him letting you top. (like actually top, not him being a power bottom while you ride him)

assuming that there's already a mutual sense of trust between the two of you to the point that chuuya would be comfortable sitting back and letting you drive things forward, the next trickiest thing to get over would be his pride.

he's already a bit insecure physically (about his height) so being topped by someone would only add to that embarrassment. you can't degrade him, let him know that there's nothing to be embarrassed about, but you also can't over praise him, he doesn't want to be treated like a baby.

paint the idea as something you're doing because you want to make him feel good. maybe it's to help him destress, or to pay him back/reward him for all the times he's focused on your pleasure. just don't forget to tell him how good the experience is for you too.

he's a bit of a tsundere, so he'd probably hold himself back a bit at first, but if you can get him to really relax and allow himself to enjoy it, he'd be melting into the bedsheets. especially if you touch his hair. please run your fingers through it. please scratch at his scalp. please give it a light tug. he's a puddle.

anyways, i obviously have a lot of thoughts on chuuya nakahara, he's very interesting to analyze. if you have anything to add or contradict i'd love to hear it.

thank you for coming to my ted talk

*bows*

me & u are on the same page nonnie !! i think chuu would pride himself on providing for his s/o in all ways including sexually. i can only imagine chuuya letting u top him if he was feeling esp worn out / sleepy or if it was like a little treat cus he knows u like it. he def loves the dominance that comes from being on top of u, i personally think chuuya is an ass man & prefers positions where ur back is to him

im not big into skk content cus of how ppl mischaracterize dazai & esp chuuya :< i feel like chuuya gets feminized in a way that isnt accurate to him at all. even in the way he speaks he comes off very masculine (i’ve never watched the dub so mayb it comes off less strongly in english) no offense to anyone who writes or likes content like this, its just a pet peeve of mine. i totally agree w u, the way i view skk is dazai is the pretty princess, hes the one who wants to be taken care of & babied & the little spoon

ty for ur perspective nonnie <33 if u ever want to let out any other thoughts my inbox is always open !! mwah!

#valentines #ʚ shhh ɞ

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