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#anyways these are the things that happen to me at nearly 2am
fluentisonus · 1 year
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also it drives me bonkers when people say aragorn was right in that scene because he's literally not!! he's pulling the same rhetorical bit that he does with boromir at the council of elrond where he's willfully ignoring people's very justified & specific suffering & grievances by saying that everyone has problems. he's deliberately looking past all the things she's had to deal with & the very clear and cynical way that makes her look at the world to say that men are dealing with the exact same problems which is blatantly not true
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cheeseceli · 4 months
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Even after all
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pairing: Beomgyu × gn!Reader
genre: fluff
warnings: none? lemme know if there's something I missed
A/n: nah this one's my masterpiece fr
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"Y/n," you heard Beomgyu's voice through your sleep. Although it was soft, it was enough to make you open your eyes "wake up."
And so you did.
You saw your boyfriend's face before anything else. He was sitting on the bed side and he was very, very awake, unlike you. It seemed like he ignored the fact that it was nearly 2am and he performed the whole day, instead deciding to stay awake and active.
"Gyu? What happened?"
"Marry me."
You sat up as well. Your voice was hoarse and your vision was a bit blurred, but you heard him well. But that was reality. Maybe you were sleepy still. For what you know that could be a wild dream. So you replied with the only reasonable answer you could've thought of:
"What?"
"Marry me" he repeated himself louder this time, thinking that the only problem was that you couldn't quite hear him. Up on seeing your still confused face, he explained into more details. "I don't have a ring. I don't have a speech and I don't have our families approval. I wasn't planning on doing this. I thought about marriage quite a few times but I never actually planned anything. That is, until now."
"Did you plan this?"
He giggled, noticing how absurd the occasion was. But then he looked at you and you saw he had no intentions of backing down, his determination growing by the second.
"Waking up and asking for your hand before you could even process anything? No, I... I didn't plan this. But you woke up at 3 am yesterday because of your job and still waited for me to come home at midnight. You ask to watch all my performances even though they are basically all the same thing. You take care of me even when we're a sea apart. You always give me so much support and always help me improve. You said yes to dating an idol and haven't complained not even once, even when you had so many reasons to. For God's sake, you said yes to dating me" he said while laughing, with love shining through his eyes "and even though I can be a real pain in the ass sometimes, you never left my side. Y/n, I've never felt so loved before. And I would be and idiot if I didn't try to flourish it. So, marry me?"
He was holding your hand like it meant the most precious thing in the world for him, and it actually did. Not even once he stopped looking at you with so much love and determination. The more you looked at him the more you were speechless. You couldn't find the right words to explain your feelings even if you knew all the languages in the world, or if you had a million years to try, so you did all you could think of:
With open arms, you threw yourself over him making him lose his balance and making you both fall on the bed. Still, you didn't loosen your grip, hugging him tighter than you ever did. You were so close that you could feel his heart beat. Strong and peaceful at the same time. All yours.
"Should I take this as a yes?"
You nodded your head, unable of giving him a proper answer as the feelings were all over the place and the tears flooded down.
"Are you crying?"
"You just proposed to me, of course I'm crying."
He laughed again, taking your face into his hands. He was smiling. You swear you've never seen such a big and genuine smile plastering his lips before. "And you said yes. I can't believe you said yes."
"I love you."
"I love you too. Oh, how I love you. Let's sleep now, hm? I've already stolen too many precious hours of your sleep."
"I don't know if I'll be able to sleep anyways. You better not regret this once we wake up."
Beomgyu adjusted his position while not letting go of you. He hugged you tight and kissed your forehead. You couldn't see him, but you could imagine his satisfied smile when he said:
"I wouldn't regret this in a lifetime."
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dividers by @cafekitsune
feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!
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“An Enemy of the People” + Meeting Matt Smith a THIRD time(?!?!)
I saw Matt Smith last night in his play, “An Enemy of the People” in London and I’m still super overwhelmed by it all, especially as I was up at 6:45am for work before I went to the show AND I ended up not getting home until 5am, but to sum up my experience last night with Matt:
I was sat in row A, which is the third row from the stage behind AA and BB, so I was SUPER close to the stage
THEY HAD A REAL DOG (German Shepherd/Alsatian I think?) ON STAGE IN SOME SCENES OMG OMG OMG I LOVED THIS SCENE STEALER
Matt was absolutely incredible, he had a full on like 5 minute monologue where he was shouting into a microphone about capitalism and the rot of government etc, and there was utter silence the entire time
It then turned into an audience trauma dump of sorts because they had some microphones given to audience members to air their grievances with the government/system/society, it was incredibly powerful
The rest of the cast were amazing too of course
I was in the “splash” zone because there was a moment where the cast were along the sides next to the audience while Matt was on stage and then they threw paint-filled balloons at him, and when they hit him they exploded so we had to have tarp pulled up over us just before it happened because the paint would have hit us
Matt has a DILF belly and I am 100% for it, at one point he lifted the bottom of his shirt to wipe the paint from his eyes and I nearly died
After the show, I went to stage door to try and meet him - but because it was a Saturday night in London it was a nightmare and so he could only do quick signatures and no pictures with people
I DID get my program signed by Matt ☺️🫶🏻
Also one of the other cast members (Zachary Hart) was talking a lot to my friend just before Matt came outside and he turned, saw me, looked me over and then went “I like your shirt! 🙂” (I was wearing a TNBC check shirt)
After the show, I was with some friends I knew from Twitter who were also huge Matt fans, and we went to a pub that was down the road from the theatre after they had changed clothes… and Matt and the cast were there?!?
Matt brushed up against me twice when he was going to/coming back from the bar and I nearly passed out like one of my friends had to take me outside because I was hyperventilating
(This is also an autistic thing though that’s unrelated to Matt because it was super packed and loud and hot in the pub)
After the pub closed, my friend said the bar in her hotel would be open until 2 so we went there, left our stuff in her room, and then we went down to the bar… and Matt and the cast were there too?!?
I’m genuinely not joking, we were NOT stalking him, we had talked about going to pub days ago and - as I said - one of my friends was literally staying at that hotel and the bar there was the closest one still open. To be honest, I was feeling anxious at this point because I was terrified Matt would see us and recognise us but also I was freaking out because I wanted to talk to him so bad as I didn’t get the chance at the stage door during the chaos
It’s a bar where they have music playing, like at a club, but there’s no dancing and they sit you at tables and take your drinks orders, and we were two tables away from the cast
Zachary walked past and said hello to one of my friends again, because he recognised them from earlier, and he grinned/shouted hello back when we waved and said hello
Matt walked past us and the friend mentioned above and I shouted hello at him and waved, but I didn’t want to bother him by going up to him because 1) it was nearly 2am, 2) I didn’t want him to be weirded out or think we were stalking him, and 3) I ’m 99% sure he was drunk because he’d been hanging about in the pub and then the bar for a total of four hours 💀 anyway, Matt smiled and shouted hello back
My friends went outside the hotel to smoke after the bar closed (I was the only one out of a group of 5 who didn’t smoke 😭) and the cast came out to leave, and one of my friends asked him for a picture but his co-worker Jessica Brown-Findlay apparently got mad at her and said “no, we are not doing that”. Matt was super nice to her though and said she looked great, and “know we love you!” before he left
(Side note: one of the other friends thinks Jessica was pissed off because when we were outside the pub earlier, her husband asked my friends for a cigarette and were chatting to him while they smoked (I was there under an umbrella absolutely freezing my tits off lol) and they said it might be a possessive thing? To be genuinely honest, none of us had any clue it was her husband even when he said “oh yeah my wife Jessie is in a play down the road”, like it genuinely didn’t click for any of us that he was talking about Jessica, and he approached us for a cigarette, not the other way around)
Unrelated to Matt but still relevant to understanding the night/my feelings:
I was very exhausted because I started my new job yesterday morning, was up at 6:45am because my dad insisted on dropping me off at 8am despite me not starting until 9, I was on my feet the whole day, I didn’t have time to run home and change so I had to do my make up on the train (luckily my uniform was given to me in the morning so I was able to wear my evening clothes, change into work clothes and then change back at the end of the day), my feet were super sore and blistered because I was wearing brand new trainers from work that didn’t fit properly… yeah. Anyway.
(Side note: I LOVE my new job so much, I am not complaining about it at all, it was amazing, it’s just unfortunate scheduling that I started on the same day I had the ticket for the play)
I missed my last tube and my last train home (last train was at 1am) and ended up having to borrow money to get a taxi to Piccadilly station from the hotel, at which point it was 3am and I was feeling very exhausted AND also emotional
There were issues with the tube because of the weather and so I had to wait an extra 30 minutes while also needing to pee and suffering from exhaustion, didn’t get on a tube until about 3:30? 3:40?
I think I was crying at one point after leaving the hotel because when I got to the tube station to wait for a train, a woman also waiting came to check on me and asked why I had been crying
I kept on dozing off on the tube between stops, and I’m very lucky I didn’t get robbed to be honest (probably because I had my bag on my lap and an arm resting over it)
I ended up in South Ealing at 4:15am, and I knew if I got a bus I wouldn’t be getting to the nearest town to me until 5am (and I still wouldn’t have been home) so I decided “fuck it, I’m spending £27 on an Uber I guess”
I fell asleep in the Uber and the driver was pretty annoyed about it, I ended up getting home at 5am - somehow I was able to remove the rest of my make up, message my friends to tell them I was home safe, get in my PJs and climb into bed
Here’s some photos of the stage before the play started, Matt at the end of the play (covered in paint), and Matt at stage door
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(I did NOT take photos or videos of him in the pub or bar, because I want to respect his privacy 🙂🫶🏻 I am also NOT going to share the name of the pub or hotel/bar, not because I want to gatekeep or anything, but because of privacy and out of respect)
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glxssynarvi · 1 year
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2am Comfort
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pairing : kuroo x gn!reader
fandom : haikyuu!!
content : fluff, comfort, brief mention of a nightmare (?), 'you/yourself as only pronouns used, intentional lowercase...
notes : i wrote a shorter version of this a few months ago but i deleted it and decided to re‐purpose the idea, so here this is. kuroo just looks so boyfriend. so warm.
wc : 1.2k // oneshot
nav // m.list
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you jolt awake in moments. a cold sweat is slick against your skin, but simultaneously the covers over you feel too hot. it's far too hot. 
bleary‐eyed and heart still beating a quick rhythm against your ribcage, you toss the covers to the side and stumble out of bed. 
the room is dark, the only light in the room is coming from the red LED lights from your alarm clock, reading <1:24AM>. 
you nearly trip over some clutter you have on your bedroom floor while heading to the hallway. you walk down the hall, pushing open the door to the bathroom and flicking the light switch on. 
you stare at your delirious and exhausted reflection for no more than a few moments. you turn on the faucet in the sink, cupping your hands together under it. you splash your face with the chilly water a few times, running your wrists under the flowing water as well. 
after standing for a few moments in the silence of the hall bathroom, you contemplate what to do next. just go back to bed? get dressed for the day like nothing happened? 
...call someone? 
you decide on the last option, but settle for texting someone rather than calling. as for who to call... you easily choose Kuroo. currently awake or not, you knew he wouldn't be mad at you for texting this early.
you turn off the faucet, dry your face, flip the light switch, and head back down the hall to your room. 
once inside, you close the door behind you and search beside your bed for your phone. you find it wedged between your bed and the bedside table after a minute. 
hey 
i know it's early
but can i come over? 
a few moments pass. you spend them sorting through the notifications you've gotten throughout the night. 
good morning to you too.
and yes, you can come over. is everything okay? 
you puff a sigh of relief at his response. 
not really
i had a nightmare 
he responds seconds later. 
oh. that's not good.
do you want me to meet you halfway? 
or i could pick you up? 
you smile slightly at his concern. he's always been a sweetheart when it mattered. 
nah, it's cool
i need to grab a few things and i'll be there soon
maybe 20 minutes? 
you glance at the clock again. it reads <1:30AM>. 
okay, see you soon. be safe. 
you leave him on read in favour of packing a bag. you toss a change of clothes and some toiletries into it, deciding that you don't have enough energy to change right now. you also put some things you might want later today, like your wallet, your school work binder, and your school textbook. 
you wonder your best route of escape. the front or back door is the easiest, but... you might wake up someone in your household. you give barely thought to it before you decide on using your bedroom window. your bedroom is on the first floor anyway. 
you quietly sneak down the hall to fetch your tennis shoes, slipping them on once you're back in your room again. you hoist your back onto your shoulder and unlock the window to open it. 
you try to slip out the window as quietly as possible, to not potentially wake up any of your family (if any of them are even home). your shirt catches on the windowsill and you struggle to hold yourself still for a moment. 
as it seems, your effort is in vain, as you promptly tumble out of the first story window and into the bushes right under it. the bush mostly breaks your fall, but your phone and house keys fell out of your pockets. and you can feel the sharp leaves digging into your skin through your shirt. 
you quietly curse under your breath as you reach up to close the window behind you. then you climb out of the bush with a scowl. 
you spend a few moments shuffling around in the dark, hands brushing over the top of the mulch of the flowerbeds. you find the loop of your key ring first, then your phone shortly after. with your belongings back in your possession, you finally stand up and brush off your disheveled clothes. 
thank god it's saturday. you think with a grumpy frown. 
brushing off your phone before slipping it into your pocket, you also take a moment to look around the cramped neighbourhood you live in. you've been here for a few years now, but you still can't find it in yourself to call this place home. 
you shake your head in an attempt to clear your thoughts. i need to get to Kuroo's place. it's too dark and dangerous for me to be out right now. you mentally remind yourself. 
your pace is something between speed‐walking and jogging as you make your way down the sidewalk. you spend just over fifteen minutes weaving between houses and through alleyways. by the time you reach your destination, your thoughts are mostly muddled and fogged like a static tv. 
you think to knock but, considering it's nearly two in the morning, you decide not to. you opt to pull out your phone instead. 
you send a quick text to Kuroo to tell him you're outside, and the front door quietly squeaks open to reveal him in the flesh. 
"hey." he offers a grin and opens the door wider so you can step inside. 
you stay in place to ponder an idea that just came to you, then you step forward and wrap your arms around his ribs. it doesn't take longer than a second before his arms are wrapping around you too. 
he takes a few slow steps backwards, your feet following with his. when you both are far enough inside he nudges the door shut with his foot. 
still in a hug, Kuroo squeezes you lightly and leans down so you can still hear his soft words, "c'mon, let's head to my room. we can cuddle if you want." 
"okay," you breathe softly, hesitantly letting go of him. he instead slips his hand into yours and leads you through the dim rooms of his home. 
you climb the stairs together, and you can already tell which room is his. the door at the end of the hall has a lamp turned on inside, the light pouring from the half‐open door and into the hallway. 
you've been in Kuroo's room enough times to be familiar with his decor and slight clutter. you aren't surprised to see notebooks flipped open, tabbed textbooks, and loose leafs of lined paper scattered across his desk. 
you make quick work of taking off your shoes and removing your jacket. you drop your bag by the door with little care of what happens to its contents, kicking your shoes into a messy pile next to it and throwing your jacket over it. 
you easily climb into Kuroo's bed like it was always yours. once you've gotten comfortable, you look up to see Kuroo leaning against the doorframe watching you with a corny grin. you make grabby hands at him and his grin widens. 
Kuroo doesn't bother moving anything upon his desk, instead he turns off the lights and slink into bed with you. he easily wraps his arms around you and curls closer around you. 
"thank you." 
Kuroo smiles softly at your mumbled words, his thumbs gingerly rubbing circles on your back. he kisses your forehead as you whine in response. 
"i'm always here." 
half‐asleep, you utter, "love you." 
Kuroo kisses your forehead again and says, "i love you, too."
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ghostchems · 1 year
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THE PROMPT LIST GOT ME BLUSHING WTF—
i just read your fic with Cardi and UGH you’re so talented ghestie !
and I should add that the 4th one is made for Bone Daddy 🫣
omg thank yOU SO MUCH AHHHHH!! i cry
anyway --
"no panties" w/ bone daddy himself
It’s late. It’s late and you’re awake, tangled up in your sheets as you mindlessly scroll through social media. You have your light dimmed and music is playing softly. Despite being up so late, there was something soothing about having this time to yourself after a long day of your duties.
That is, until there’s a knock at the door. You scramble to make yourself look decent, tugging your oversized t-shirt down to cover your ass and run your fingers through your hair to make it seem less all over the place.
You open the door.
“Sister.” Papa Emeritus the Second grunts, looming over you in the doorframe.
You blink at him a few times, words catching in your throat. 
“P-papa. Come in.” You swallow thickly, opening the door wide so that Secondo could enter. Your brain is churning — it’s 2am, what the fuck is Papa doing here? “So sorry for the mess.” You offer sheepishly, gesturing to a few piles of clothes and your messy sheets.
Secondo takes a seat on your bed and pats the spot next to him. “Come sit.” He looks tired — still dressed in his robes but his mitre was missing. You hesitate for a moment and his dark eyes snap up to yours, your knees nearly buckling before quickly stumbling to the spot next to him. He sighs deeply as you sit next to him and immediately presses in as close to you as possible, your knees touching.
An uncomfortable silence stretches between the two of you with the tension filling the air. You want to ask him what he wants but you don’t want to come off as rude or ungrateful that he is here – he is Papa, after all. You look at him and smile weakly but his face is still cold and he looks angry, frustrated even. 
“I’ve heard through the grapevine what you’ve been saying about me, Sorella.” Secondo growls, closing the space between the two of you even more. You swallow thickly as your face reddens.
“I-I… I mean, it’s not a bad thing, right?”  You laugh nervously but it obviously was no laughing matter to Secondo. He immediately grabs hold of your waist, dragging you flush against him. You whimper, squirming against him but he has you in a tight grip. 
“I’m not the kind of man to have a crush on, Sister.” He hisses through gritted teeth. Before you have a chance to respond, Secondo tosses you on to your back, his hands skirting up your shirt and groping your ass. A moan spills from your lips as you prop yourself up on your elbows. You are so overwhelmed, having absolutely no time to think about what was happening but you know you are already wet.
“No panties? Good.” He balls his fists in your shirt and rips, tearing it completely off of you. You gasp sharply – you are completely exposed to him now. His gaze is hungry and feverish, though you finally see that his lips are starting to curl upward. You feel his hard cock through his robes grind up against you.
“Do you want me, sister? Do you want this?” He tugs you down to him by the waist hard, settling between your legs. 
“Yes, Papa, please.” You whine for him, arms outstretched. Secondo snarls and is quick to hike up his robes, his cock teasing your entrance before pushing himself inside to the hilt. A moan rumbles deep in his chest, holding himself there for a moment. His hands find yours and pins them beside your head, and you’re already gasping and whining, trying to move your hips against him.
Secondo laughs darkly, then begins to thrust, his pace fast and violent. You are trapped beneath him, only able to bring your hips up to meet his with each thrust as you moan and cry. Your nails dug into the back of his hand and your mouth was hanging open, eyes heavy lidded. He is relentless, his cock ramming deep inside of you with each thrust as he growls down at you.
“Such a little slut for your Papa.” The loud sounds of slapping skin fill your room along with the string of screams and cries falling from your lips. You know he is just using you to get off after a long day of being Papa and why not take advantage of the sweet Sister who admitted she had a small crush? You wrap your legs around his waist, allowing him to angle in even deeper.
“Fuck, fuck.” You whisper breathlessly, your eyes fluttering open and shut. 
“I’m going to fill you up, puttana.” His words combined with how harshly he snarls them, how his pupils are blown wide with lust for you, and how his teeth are bared makes you cum hard around him with a broken sob. 
Secondo’s hips stutter and he’s right behind you, filling you up just as he said he would. He is left panting as he stares down at you, his paint somewhat smudged from sweat. He lets you go and pulls out of you, quickly standing to loom over you once more. You can’t speak, even with being released from him you feel trapped by his mere presence.
“I’ll be back tomorrow evening.” He growls, then leaves you alone in your room.
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timaeusterrored · 1 year
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Badland Dancing
This is what happens when you let gay people do anything
Anyway,COLLAB TIME WITH @arczism AND SHE MADE ART FOR THIS AND LET ME TALK HER EAR OFF ABOUT IT AND INSPIRED MOST OF IT SO GO LOOK AT THE ART FOR IT
Dating V meant a lot of things. Sometimes it meant 2am clean ups when he went on jobs and didn’t go straight to Vik, sometimes it meant not seeing him for two days and getting spoiled when he got back as an apology, and it also meant trips to the Badlands.. Not the ideal date or vacation but Kerry endured it regardless.
V would get him all dressed in head to toe gear, which normally turned into jokes about how long it was gonna take him to get Kerry out of it that night, but also it smelled like V and Kerry loved it. He stole his clothes as disguises anyway, but maybe it was also a tad bit of Kerry’s possessive side coming out, letting people know he was V’s and V was his.
Despite it all though, Kerry did like sitting around the campfire. A guitar would get put in his hands and he’d strum away with V leaned on him while he played. After everything they had gone through, Kerry was glad V was finally letting him into his world. With the promise of a forever at the tips of their tongues.
The Aldecadlos almost never seemed to believe Kerry would be coming, because what rock star would wanna hang out in the Badlands? None, and even now with nearly a full year under their belt of being together, Kerry had only ever been a few times. He couldn’t stand being away from V for long, and according to the nomads, V couldn’t stand it either. They’d tease him around the campfire about how he’d moan and groan about missing Kerry.
Kerry wandered out of their tent after V had set it up to find him and Panam setting up the campfire. He watched from afar, watching V’s shoulders and back shift as he lifted wood and dropped it. The sun was going down now, and it had finally cooled a bit. And much to everyone’s delight, Kerry had promised a song or two by the fire.
By the time the fire was ready, Panam and Kerry had settled next to each other to let V finish the work, which resulted in a lot of teasing from Panam about how V was such a good worker and such, V just rolled his eyes as he started the fire and people started to settle around it in exhaustion. A guitar was handed to Kerry as promised, V requesting the boat song. That’s how Kerry knew these people were special, special enough to have V wanting them to hear that.
The night went on, jokes and drinks and stories passed around, until the subject of dancing came up. “I’m assuming Mr. Rockstar knows how to dance?” Panam asked, a bit starstruck every time she looked at Kerry. Kerry just laughed and nodded. “I know how to do a lot, tango, slow dancing,” he nudged V teasingly, then noticed a look.
“What? Your man can slow dance but you can’t?” Panam asked, meaning it teasingly but V shrugged. “Nope.”
“Wait wait wait, we’ve been together how long? And you never told me you can’t dance?” Kerry asked, acting as if that would ever come up. V just shrugged again. “Wasn’t a skill I needed growing up, don’t need to know how slowdance on the streets.” Kerry frowned a bit, then stood.
“Come on,” He held out his hands for his partner to take, earring a raised eyebrow. “What?” V laughed, not moving.
“I’m gonna teach you how to slow dance.” Kerry said simply, pulling V up like he was nothing. Okay V may have started to get up by that point but no one needed to know that. Kerry knew a lot of basic things in his day to day life is what V would consider a luxury. Hell waking up in a bed and a roof over their heads V considered luxurious.
“Now?” V asked softly, and Kerry just smiled, nodding. He was 90 years old, his shame died with Johnny about 51 years ago. He’s done and seen more embarrassing things than a Merc who can’t dance in front of his friends. And besides, V looked amazing by the fire, the glow in his eyes and how it reflected off of his face and lit up his hair enough to show the red in it. How could he not want to show his love that didn’t involve taking his clothes off right here… now that was an idea- Kerry no. Focus.
Kerry showed him the correct places to put his hands, talking him through it. He was distantly aware of the guitar being strummed to a slow beat that Kerry could work with. V looked so lost in what he was doing, but it was cute. And Kerry fell in love a bit more with him every single day. Especially when V was looking at him with the same look he himself gave someone that never returned it. It took a while, but he found someone that looked at him the same way.
The dance was clumsy, Kerry unable to keep his laughter back watching the big bad Merc stumble over his own two feet. Panam had moved to give them more space, and to probably save her own ass if V ended up falling, smart girl, Kerry would give her that.
“Ker, I’m gonna step on your feet-“ V whispered, more focused on his mainline than the world around them.
“Baby you’re doin’ just fine, relax a little. Besides, these boots were made to be roughed up. They’re your boots anyway.” Kerry teased, tilting his head up to make V look at him. “There ya go, see? Just focus on me and you’ll fall into step with me okay?” He said, V nodded a bit. He was touched that V was worried about stepping on his toes though.
“You dance about as well as an infant.” Kerry teased, making V laugh a bit. “Like I said, no need for dancing on the streets..”
“You aren’t on the streets anymore, baby. You’re all mine now..” Kerry whispered before leaning up for a kiss, both pulling back in surprise when there were whistles and catcalling from the nomads. Kerry had forgotten they were there and what he had been doing in the first place.
He smiled innocently up at V, which earned a genuine smile back, before Kerry suddenly dipped him. His merc gripped onto his shoulder with a gasp of surprise and laughter from the group around him. V gasped out a curse before Kerry sealed their lips again. Kerry felt V smiling against his lips, cupping his face.
The Aldecadlos cheered around them, Kerry doing a little bow before sitting back down again, then grunted when V flopped into his lap and laid on his chest. He kissed his temple and wrapped his arms around him, gently patting his chest. He would have laughed in your face if you had told him he’d be hanging out in the Badlands with his merc boyfriend right now, but he wouldn’t change this for the damn world.
He knew his phone was probably being blown up right now, and when they got back he’d be bombarded with questions on where they hell he had been, and why he hadn’t answered. He’d worry about it when they got back to the city, right now his focus was on the man leaned against him.
V gently moved his head up to whisper in Kerry’s ear, reaching up to take one of his hands innocently.
“You ever heard of the devil’s tango?”
Kerry grinned.
“Heard of it, baby I invented it.”
“You wanna teach me?” V asked, and when Kerry pulled back to look down at him, V was giving him the most innocent look for a man that just suggested such a thing.
“Absolutely.”
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pacificwaternymph · 2 years
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so ive been reading your kid xornoth stuff and i really like it! and i saw that you had a s2 au with the witch shelby and i thought, ‘what if s2 shelby is s1 shelbys reincarnation, and xornoth also gets reincarnated?’ idk how they meet but kid xornoth, in my head, might become sort of an apprentice to witch shelby.
anyways heres to hoping this ask makes sense i woke up at 7am and its now 2am lol have a good day!
Aw, thank you!
I really like that idea, especially since Sausage has been pushing the reincarnation plotline, it's pretty plausible.
In this scenario, I imagine it going something like this:
Shelby finds a kid wandering around in the Evermoore. He's lost and confused and scared, his clothes are torn up, and he's covered in mud and dirt and infected cuts and scrapes. They look like they haven't eaten in days.
Shelby takes him back to her witch hut, of which he is suspicious and a bit scared. They say that them and their brother don't have good experiences with witches, but she reassures them that she isn't going to hurt them. He doesn't fully believe her, but he's desperate enough to follow her anyway.
She cleans the kid up and treats his injuries, asking how long he was in there. They respond that they don't know, but it had to have at least been a couple of days. His memory is all messed up, he can't remember a single thing about the time he spent in the fog.
She asks them what their name is, and they tell her it's Xornoth. She asks if he has any family she can contact, to which he replies yes, he has a twin brother. Shelby starts picking up ingredients to do a cauldron call (basically like a facecam call but through a cauldron) and asks what their brother's name is. She nearly drops the bottle she was holding when he says his name is Scott.
She checks to reaffirm that they're thinking of the same Scott, before calling him. He’s kind of confused why she called him, but the second she mentions Xornoth… he goes still. She asks if he’s okay, which he ignores and says he’ll be right there, and hangs up.
Of course, Shelby’s a little concerned and more than a little confused, but she reassures Xornoth that their brother is on his way and should be here soon.
He seems relieved, saying he’s glad Scott made it out, which confuses her even more because Scott hasn’t been to the Evermoore in at least a week, and he’s certainly never mentioned getting lost in it. She’s about to ask them what they mean, when there’s a loud thump from outside, and suddenly the doorbell starts ringing over and over.
Shelby opens it and lets Scott in. He’s severely distressed, and grips Shelby by the forearms, asking desperately where is he? Where’s Xornoth? She leads him upstairs, where Xornoth is sitting on her bed, and when the two see one another, they freeze.
Xornoth asks what happened to Scott.
“What happened to me!? What happened to YOU!?”
Yeah. So turns out, Xornoth and Scott are twins. Or- they were. Xornoth swore they were only in the Evermoore for a few days. But Scott’s twin had been missing for ten years.
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jojo x buttons is underrated, anyways, ANGST.
TW: Nightmares, Past-Abuse
JoJo still remembered his family. Sure, he was dropped off at the convent when he was only 11 years of age, but things said and done to him before that time would stick with him forever.
It always hits him at night. Random nightmares would strike him out of nowhere and in the most inconvenient of times in his opinion.
This night was especially bad.
His brain seemed to have brought him right back to the afternoon it happened. He was only 9 at the time and had been sitting at the kitchen table. His mother and father were fighting in front of him and didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon.
They were screaming at each other, a bottle in his mother's hand that she was swinging around as she fought. Something about finances and taxes, he didn't totally understand at his young age.
It was when his father went to hit his mother when JoJo started to cry, standing up and yelling at them both to stop. This would prove to be a bad idea when suddenly a glass bottle was thrown in his direction.
He narrowly dodged it, the glass shattering behind him, leaving him near enough paralysed with fear.
His father started walking in his direction, but he was unable to run away or fight back, he just stood there.
"Josephino, what'd I say about trying to intervene in grown-up conversations?" His father inquired.
JoJo tried to speak, but no words came out. He couldn't respond to his father no matter how much his brain was yelling at him to.
"Josephino, answer me!" He shouted. "Joseph. Josephino, are you listening?"
"Josephino, listen to me!"
"JoJo?"
"Joseph Andrew De La Guerra, answer me before I make you answer me."
"JoJo, you're okay, just slow down for a second."
JoJo shot up from his side of the bed, grabbing onto the blanket as tight as his hands could. His head was spinning, and his breathing was although he'd just ran a marathon.
When a hand was suddenly placed on his back, he nearly fell off the bed trying to move away.
"Hey, Jo, it's just me. It's Buttons, okay? I'm right here." Buttons whispered, moving in front of him. "It was just a dream honey, it wasn't real."
JoJo crawled into Buttons embrace, wrapping his arms around his shoulders tightly, as if he was his final lifeline.
"No, Buttons, he was- he was right in front of me, and he was gonna- he was gonna hurt me again, the same way he did to mom and- look, I promise I'll behave-" JoJo stuttered, the memory replaying in his mind again.
"It's over now, you're safe, I gotcha now." Buttons hushed, brushing his hands up and down JoJos back. "Take a breath, just slow down for a second, okay?"
JoJo took a deep breath, calming his heart rate as much as he could. Buttons ran his fingers through his hair, spinning a strand around his finger.
"You have these a lot, don't you? Nightmares about your parents?" Buttons asked quietly, not wanting to frighten him more.
"Mm." JoJo whined. "It's the same thing over and over, it's always that same evening again and again."
"But it's over now. And I hope you know that I will be right here anytime it happens to help you afterwards." Buttons said calmly.
JoJo smiled into his shoulder, manoeuvring himself to be a little more comfortable in his arms. Buttons ended up pulling him back down under the blanket again, but still holding a tight grasp around JoJo as he did.
"They can't hurt you now. You got the nuns, you got Jack, you got Race and Albert... you got me. And we won't let them ever touch you again." Buttons uttered, smiling slightly as he did.
"Thank you, Buttons." JoJo replied, grabbing onto his hand.
"Anytime Jo. Now go to bed, it's still 2am."
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carlos-tk · 5 months
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nice ask week
hi D! it's nice ask week! What made you start watching LS and what was it about the show that made you spiral into fandom?
Hi Rae! Thanks for the question! 💗 Apologies for how long this took me to answer. Work took over my life this week 😢 Now buckle in for a stupidly long story 😅
Firstly, I had watched the original 911s first and half of its 2nd season whenever they aired (2018/19 thanks Wikipedia) and then totally forgot all about it because again #life 😅 I did hear about a spin off whenever they announced it but I guess the only info was that it was coming soon. Wikipedia is helping out and it seems it was May 2019. I didn’t really pay it much mind because by then I had already stopped watching the og.
So I move on with my life and don’t think about either series until September 2022. I saw a youtube clip of a scene: the throwing each other against the wall hookup from 1x02. I watched it and I was like.. OH?!👀🔥🥵 Saved it to my YouTube watch later and again forgot all about it because back then I was doing full time shift work and had no time to breathe let alone watch anything new 😂 (kicking myself because I could’ve been here a year ago) 😭
Cut to this year. I can give you an exact date i rediscovered 911 verse. May 17th 2023!! 🥳 All because of the Tarlos wedding.
Twitter is probably the platform I use the most cos it’s got all my sports content😅 Anyway I happened to be on the discover/trending tab and one of the top hashtags was #TarlosWedding which was airing that day. I clicked it to investigate and scrolled through. It was full of pics and fanvids of the wedding and again I was like OH 👁👁. I liked a bunch of the tweets to revisit and moved on with my day. A few days later because I had liked all that stuff, Twitter keeps recommending me more content. So I find myself back on YouTube and watched these:
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and then a series of random scenes and I was like... okay I need full context for all of this. Another month passes and it’s probably end of June/early July and I’m like let me see if this is available anywhere to watch in Australia. I find it on Disney+ and they have seasons 1-3. This is finally when I watched the show. And then I could not stop thinking about it. S4 is no where to be found though. So I google and see it’s halfway through airing on Channel 7 here which means it won’t be uploaded to Disney+ for a while. So then I’m like UGH 😒😩😤 I wanted to binge the whole season like I had for the others. I kept tabs on when it would finish airing on TV and eventually the finale airs August 14th. The next day I start it and binge the whole season on 7Plus over a few days.
Now that I had seen their entire story so far, I was full blown hyper fixating. Like they’re on my mind ALL the time. I’m reading a book or watching a movie/show and thinking about Tarlos in place of the characters. I’m listening to a song or reading a poem/lyric and being like oh that’s so Tarlos coded😂😂 At this point i’m like oh no 😅😅 The fandom life is coming for me.
Then the biggest surprise of all I start getting the urge to write fanfic again! Which is insane because I had not written anything in (redacted) years. Like nearly every time as I was about to sleep, I start having ideas and rambling it out in my notes app at stupid hours like 2am 😂😅
Next we have the writers/actors strike and I’m like 👀trust me to find a new obsession and everyone is on strike and I’m gonna get nothing new for ages. Then I remember AO3 is a thing that exists and find my way to the 911 Lone Star tag and start reading fic again. Any spare moment I had I was itching to read whatever I could get my eyeballs on. I said to you the other day that I read your gym!AU first and look I might’ve read a random 1k word one shot or two but nothing I can actually remember like yours 😂🥵 I think the added pictures and texts made it so memorable because 1. I did not know you could do that on AO3 2. Rafael is like the hottest guy I’ve ever seen 😅😅 and 3. It was just so damn good 🥵 Sm*t with feelings and I am there. You teased the feelings a little and if/when (no pressure btw) you decide to revisit this universe just know I’ll be first in line 🙋🏼‍♀️ and the reason I can recall it as the first is it’s the oldest AO3 tab saved to my safari reading list 😅
By this point I’m reading fic through the end of August and September constantly. A few I read had peoples Tumblr links in the end notes so then I remember that Tumblr also exists 😂 I come over and lurk, explore the tags, look at all the beautiful gifs, look at a few peoples blogs and make a mental note to maybe join Tumblr again. I had 2 blogs back in hs, 1 fandom specific blog that got abandoned during my last year of hs and a sports/tv-series one I used a little in the years after hs but then again #life and I didn’t touch it after like 2016.
Come September 2023. I made a new email, signed up to Tumblr again, and requested an AO3 invite. Learning how to use this site again was wild because so much had changed since I last used it. I saw something about getting mistaken for bots so I spent a little time making the blog look nice and like an actual person exists before I bothered to follow anyone or any tags. October rolls around and I finally start using it every day and now I’m here with all of y’all 💗
Sorry for the extremely long story and again sorry for how long it took 😅😅
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opabiniawillreturn · 1 year
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anon so i don't doxx myself, so like. believe me or don't, it's fine. I'll add some detail to try to help show I know what I'm talking about, but I'm not going to be too specific. but I was there in the capitol on jan 6 and it absolutely was a fucking coup. it was terrifying. I wasn't cleared to leave campus until 10pm. I have colleagues who were stuck in bathrooms and stairwells until 2am.
staff all have SAA and USCP alerts on our phones, normally just for things like "first amendment activity" or "suspicious substance found in xx, avoid area for now." normally the alerts are just a little beep or ring, a normal notification on your phone. the alerts we got that day- I had never heard my phone make a sound like that. it was a siren, like a tornado siren. it echoed through the halls, everyone's phones started going off. I won't be specific, but I was in an office off the crypt a floor down, and we were trying to just like. do our work, doors locked, keep an eye on our phones, very scared and jittery, but trying to work. when suddenly a colleague came into our office and goes, "they're upstairs. we have to go, now." and within 20 seconds, you could start to hear the sounds of feet and yelling. I won't specify where we hid but it did not feel nearly secure enough. i was fucking terrified, thinking to myself, how can I make myself look like a part of the crowd? i'm in business dress, okay, what's around me, take off my blazer, how can I blend in with their throng? one of my co-workers took the flag off a flagpole (one in basically every room lmao) and was like, holding the pole itself and standing near the door, as if he was going to stab someone with it. it was scary but nothing ever happened - the capitol is a maze, our office is like, within a hallway within a hallway within an annex, so i don't think they ever passed our door. we could hear them at times, though. it was scarier not hearing them. thank GOD there was a bathroom where we were hiding.
also fuck the uscp. some of them truly are heroes from that day, but i watched. i fucking watched. the rest of them do NOTHING. did you know the walls of the capitol building are 4 feet thick? if you ever see a photo of a window, you'll see how deep the wall itself actually is compared to the window inset in it. those fuckers should have never made their way inside. we all thought, "okay, the rioters are outside, but it's okay. they can't get in." and then the USCP ceded the capitol. this place is built for a siege. every entrance is a bottle neck. the second that glass was smashed, you should have been picking them off one by one until they got the fucking message. that's what happened with ashli babbit- she fucked around, found out, and everyone else scattered.
oh also, the sodexo people who work in the cafeterias were making lunch for members who were stuck in scifs and much safer rooms than we were stuck in. like. god forbid a rep. doesn't eat for a few hours, better make sure these contract workers are inside of an unsecured kitchen making snacks to deliver to secured rooms with the Important People. fuck the uscp and fuck members too.
anyway this is long as hell but like. yeah. a first hand experience of what it was like. it fucking blew. anyway i work from home now.
thank you for your story
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algid-star · 8 months
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Oh. My. GOD. okay so,
My burnt-out dumb ass, been working on sewing, and shared this hobby with a friend (who is cute). And like, yay! Friend! I love friends! Community! Love and support and appreciation! You can get all these and more from people with whom you are not romantic!
And she messages me fairly out of the blue, and we get to texting, and talking about hanging out and having craft time and hangouts. Body doubling! Do your own individual projects, but in a group as a fun friendship activity!
And so we go grab boba tea before craft time. And let me tell, you. Respectfully. I know people can dress for themselves and not for others to be leering at them. But also she was wearing the kind of dress I would wear if I were her if I wanted to send a signal loud and clear. Respectfully: the titties were out, and they looked amazing. ANYWAYS, BY THIS POINT I'M ALREADY PANICKING.
"Am I being too autistic about this?". I was genuinely looking forward to crafting together because I really wanted to finish up my muslin and check the fit because this is the first fitted garment I'm drafting myself and like, I'm just kinda excited to have that experience, but also share it with a friend who's also into this hobby?
But then idfk where my mind went. We got back to my place and talked about crafts and I showed her around, but then before it was craft time she had to show me something on the sofa, and then we just talked for hours. And slowly got more and more subtly cuddly. Intertwined legs to watch something on a cell phone, when we easily could have chromecasted the video to the big TV in front of us.
As I'm saying this right now, in retrospect, I don't know how I was not clear in my reception of these signals. But also that's important for the story later. Because. BECAUSE, eventually our faces got a little close and she got flustered and at THIS point I felt confidently clear. And I just smiled and asked, "what?".
"Oh, I just. We just got really close there."
"yeah, we did." just a big teasing smile, with rizz.
After more flustered, I say, "listen, I play by vampire rules. I need an explicit invitation. If there's something you want, you need to tell me clearly. Otherwise I will not push."
"well, okay WAIT, well what are YOU feeling, what do you want?"
"I really like all this cuddling. And I also think maybe kissing could be really fun, too."
She agreed. AND AAAAAHHHH.
I am still buzzing. Can you believe that there are people who actually believe that consent can't be sexy? I bratted/teased/dommed my way into sexy kissy bitey time with a lovely and cute and wonderful woman by simply DEMANDING explicit consent.
And the only thing that ever held me back in this kind of interaction has been all the bullshit expectations of how I should behave as a "man", and now that I accept myself as non-binary, I just have to be ME, and that's enough. I don't need to put on a masking performance in order to start a physical or romantic relationship. If something happens, dope. If not, now I'm friends with yet another amazing and talented and beautiful woman. Woe is me, all of my friends are dope as fuck. How will I ever cope. (that's sarcasm).
Anyways, this was a big firehouse of feelings. Idk if any of it makes any sense. It's nearly 2am (she stayed until we noticed it was midnight and we have work in the morning) and I'm exhausted, so maybe I can't keep a train of thought.
But the fact that my dumbass autistic self was SO GENUINELY STOKED for craft time with friends, and then, only then when I have zero expectations, does such a magically wonderful experience happen.
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whumpiary · 2 years
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"Did you get blood on my carpet?"
content warnings: reactionary violence, alcohol, grief, briefly referenced death
-
“How’d you go?” Mal’s tone is light, almost joking despite the late hour, the less than good circumstances. The shit circumstances. “Did you get blood on my carpet?”
Josiah sits on the edge of the couch, practically bent at the middle and shakes his head. It throbs in time with his heart beat, slow and sluggish. He pulls the tissue away from his nose anyway, as though to check. The blood seemed to be stopping pretty quick.
He doesn’t think it was broken. Sometimes he got nose bleeds like this from a change in heat. The frigid cold outside, to the dry heat of Lou and Mal’s apartment. Nearly suffocating in comparison. So he didn’t think his nose was broken. Just a few bruises. Some split knuckles.
The other guy… He didn’t want to think about the other guy.
Mal keels in front of him, leather first aid bag on the carpet beside him. If Mal had really been worried about the carpet, he would’ve told him to follow him into the bathroom and patched him up there. Josiah knew that. 
Or, at least, if Josiah had been worried about blood on the carpet, that’s what he would’ve told Cass. If Cass had turned up on his doorstep at 2am, dizzy with booze and waning adrenaline. Which he’d done… more than enough times.
Or maybe he was just trying not to wake Lou, assumedly still asleep in the bedroom down the hall. It had been Mal that he’d texted when he said he was at the gate.
He hisses a little as disinfectant is applied to his knuckles. They were cold enough from the weather outside, Mal had said, that they wouldn’t bother with ice. There wasn’t too much swelling.
Mal fishes a bandage from his bag. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”
Josiah frowns and the movement of his brow sends a sharp spike through his temple.
“Not… sure,” he admits. It’s a blur, mostly. Just moments that stand out.  “Guy in the bar. Joking. Making jokes.”
He closes his eyes and can still see the smug grin, hear the grating laughter. He’d gone out to get away from the closing walls of his house, the past thick like smog in the doorways, over the carpet. Walked and walked until his face was stinging with the cold. Found a place with warm glowing lights and cheap beer. Only a few people left at that hour. But the people that were…
“Wasn’t even talking to me…” He swallows. Sees that smile. Hears that laugh. “But I heard him… Something about that girl in the news. And I… I just-”
He takes a breath in and it hitches in his chest, heel of his hand circling just over his heart at the twist of pain there.
He’d just snapped. Seen red. One smarmy shrill too many, one joke that cut too deep and too close. Where was the respect? Talking about people like they were things for the taking, things for the using. 
He shakes his head. A single, jerking tilt. “Don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
Mal doesn’t respond at first. He apologises softly as he secures the bandage with a little clip, Josiah making a soft, involuntary sound as his hand aches at the momentary increase in pressure. Mal’s hands are warm. Gentle. Certain. They always are.
Josiah used to feel… some of those things. Like he could be some of those things.
“Grief does funny things to us, mate,” Mal murmurs quietly. The vibration of his voice seems to seep into the bones of Josiah’s hand as he wraps it, travelling up his arm, into his spine. “When we lose someone important-”
“He’s not dead,” Josiah says, response resolute as it is automatic. He isn’t. He’s not. 
No matter what Lou says, no matter what Lou thinks, he wouldn’t just-
But Mal just sighs, softly. Not unkindly. Just grieved in his own way. He curls Josiah’s bandaged hand into a soft fist and holds it, crouched in front of him. “Even if he isn’t, love…”
Josiah's frown deepens and Mal’s hand comes up to brush up the inside of Josiah’s arm, squeezing gently down it in a line and back up again. He tracks the shape of one of Mal’s tattoos with his gaze; an astronaut pushed out to space, a few stars dotted around him, hands gripped around a lifeline that seems to lead nowhere. 
“I’m-” The words snag. They always snag. Lodge in his throat. Choke him.
Mal just keeps holding his hand. “I know.”
There’s a single dry sob.
There’s so much grief.
There are flowers growing out of the astronaut’s oxygen tank.
His heart is an empty hole, eating away at him from the inside.
He shouldn’t have come over, drunk like this. It must be… hard for Mal. Hard to see. Hard for Lou too. To see him upset. See him going backwards.
They stay there with their head bows for God knows how long. One hand each holding onto the other’s forearm, Mal’s second hand up and gripping Josiah’s shoulder as he cries.
It reminds Josiah of the way that his yiayia used to pray for him. A tiny, pius woman, stubborn enough to turn the will of God on her love alone.
Mal doesn’t pray, though. Just keeps the time for him with the motion of his thumb against the vein . Occasionally applying gentle, squeezing pressure to his shoulder.
Silently, over and over again, I’m here, I’m here, I’m here.
When Josiah is wrung out, Mal gently tends to his face. An alcohol swab over a grazed cheek. A butterfly bandage on his brow. A torch in his eye as he’s given a concussion check that Mal assures him is just precautionary.
Mal helps him to lay down. Taking his shoes off for him, wrapping his pillow in a towel. Is this how Cass used to feel? A bruise on his cheek and too many drinks deep. Gently patched up and then put to bed on the couch.
“I'm... sorry.”
“It’s all good.”
It’s when Mal sets a glass of water down on the coffee table beside him that Josiah remembers what his plan had been for tomorrow. Why he’d been so ansty in the first place.
“I was meant to have a job interview…”
“It’s all good, mate,” Mal says, unfolding a blanket. “Just rest, yeah?”
Mal doesn’t sound worried. And… why should he be, really? The money was hardly a problem anymore, after all. The job was just meant to be… something to do. So he didn’t just keep walking. Didn’t keep just rearranging jars in the kitchen. Didn’t keep feeling the walls close in. 
“I won’t… get blood on your carpet.”
His bruised hand aches very faintly as Mal gives it a final squeeze between thumb and forefinger. “I know you won’t.”
Sleep comes with the weight of a blanket gently draped.
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rangergirl3 · 1 year
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So, today, it was a pretty good day - but I found myself thinking back to early 2019, just after my daughter was born. Lots of medical stuff was happening, but one part really came back to me today.The first night after she was born, I couldn’t sleep, and I was absolutely exhausted from everything that had been going on (some very tense moments in the delivery room, not knowing if she was okay or not, just - yikes, what a day).
I think...I actually dissociated after that back then, too - which is strange for me to realize, just now, because it’s been awhile! But I guess some things just take some time to recognize. (Like, nearly everything to do with trying to heal from stuff in my past has been like that. It happens, time passes, and then the realizations smack into me like a traincar made of feelings)
But anyway, back when my daughter was born, and after everything was over and it was 2am, I just sat there in the bed, unable to sleep, and it felt like I was falling backwards, down a very long, dark well, and at the time, I felt so annoyed and frustrated, because it felt like an analogy - like I was losing ground on a lot of the ‘progress’ I’d been trying to make, mental-health-wise - which was by itself just flat-out draining. :/
But it was at that point that I mentally growled “Oh hell no,” and stubbornly reached out and dug my ‘fingers’ into the stones of the well around me, slowing my descent, and then I had the brilliant idea of using my ‘feet’ as well, until the downward ‘descent’ ended and I just ended up imitating a very ungainly spider, mid-fall, which I had to laugh at, because that mental picture did not look badass at all, but instead quite a bit silly. :D Then the upward climb started, and that was where the analogy ended, and the mental health stuff began anew, but looking back...that was a pretty neat way for my mind to clue me in that ‘Hey - so - this is a lot. Maybe we regain some ground? But slowly, please, for the love of God. PLEASE.’ :D :D :D :D 
Still working on making steady progress...I tend to go full-break-neck speed until I can’t anymore and I ‘crash’ - but it’s progress. 
Not linear, though, which I sometimes wish could be the case...but I’ll take improvement where I can find it. <3 <3 <3 
And for making it all the way to then end of this post - please have another hug! :-)
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Goodleaf's Grief: The Catholic Church
My relationship with Catholicism has existed nearly my whole life; but, that relationship has changed drastically in the last year.
My family wasn't Catholic, hell I wasn't even baptized then, but I went to Catholic Pre-School and Primary School because they had a daycare afterwards that would watch me. My parents worked a lot, and my brother was just starting to get his first real "job". So, off I went to the Catholic School.
My parents had to pay a lot of money for me to go there since we weren't Catholic. They charged us more because we weren't in the in group. I remember taking the checks in every month I went to school there.
As a kid the other kids would exclude me from things and make fun of me a bit. Nothing too terrible really, at least not as terrible as what was happening at home due to horrible neighbors (more on that later). 
The boys would make fun of me, exclude me from things, or try to get me to do stupid things. The girls were a mix. Some teased me relentlessly because I supposedly had a crush on one of the girls, but unbeknownst to me at the time I was just very jealous of her. More than any of the other girls. I never felt like I wanted to be a boy, and as I reflect on that time I remember just wishing I could be like her. Alas, I was a boy, so that was out of the question.
There was like some weird hierarchy that I didn’t really find all that sensical, but one of the kid’s mom was a teacher and he and his cousin were kind of the boys in charge or the popular ones, whatever. There was another non-Catholic kid in our class for a few years but when fourth grade rolled around he wasn’t enrolled there anymore. 
I know why. It’s because he was made fun of more than me. He was teased relentlessly and even had teachers get in on him. That happened to me a bit, but nowhere near as much as him. I recall an incident where another kid, who was Catholic and whose parents donated a lot of money to the church/school, was talking about condoms and goaded me into talking about them. I didn’t even know what they were, nor do I think he did but he had an older brother too who told him about them I guess.
Anyways, we get caught talking about something the Catholic Church hates and he throws me under the bus, saying I’m the one that brought it up. The teachers and principal believed him even though I told them the truth, though why believe me? My parents aren’t Catholic, hell I wasn’t even baptized, and my parents certainly didn’t give extra money outside the tuition. So to hell with me.
A lot of the kids who went there were from wealthy families. Dentist’s kid, Multiple doctor’s kids, some had parents who had large businesses. I was the odd one out, along with the other boy who left in fourth grade, because we were both pretty poor. Like I said, even some of the teachers got in on the riffing. Not often, just little jabs here and there but fuck do they sting when you’re a kid. Thanks to the Catholic Church I went into adult life with a lot of guilt and feeling like I didn't belong anywhere. So what did I do? I, of course, got baptized and joined.
I finally felt like I belonged to the group that had rejected me. I did all their stuff and got labeled as a member of the group, though that didn't change much of anything.
I'm not wealthy, but instead of giving money I volunteered for so many things and never heard back, except the one time they wanted someone to watch the church from 2am to 4am for a 24 hour prayer thing they had going for a week. Then suddenly I'm worth talking to.
I noticed not much had really changed. It's all about the money and who you know, even in God's house.
I felt all of that rejection and teasing all over again from when I was a kid, which isn't great because I have PTSD related to other things from my childhood.
The priest was never really there for me. Tried talking with him a few times, sort of like therapy. He was about 0% helpful although a joy to talk to. I'd feel bad for him, wasting his intelligence on an organization like that but hell he drives a brand new truck and gets a free house right next to the church. Also, Parishioners would just keep giving him free shit because he's the priest, obviously he needs it more than the poor and needy!
That church just now finished up a fundraising campaign where they raised millions of dollars in a small place where poverty is rampant. What do they do with it? Build new shit, of course! Build shit for god, like he'd really need new buildings being the omnipotent, omnipresent deity he claims. Not a cent went to needy people and those buildings will only benefit Catholics, or the non-Catholics who have enough money to send there kids there for a better education. Also, during their fundraising campaign they targeted the elderly to give their money to Jesus instead of leaving it for their families that need it a hell of a lot more than a deity that can see and do all would. They also kept harassing people who told them to not send any more donation envelopes (I was one of them).
It was maybe 9 months ago now I discovered the band Ghost and it was like the noose of Catholicism was loosened and removed from my neck. They knew. Ghost knew what it felt like to be me, to some extent. I felt like I could breathe, I could be myself, I didn't have to resign myself to some shitty organization that just wants to grift me like I have been most of my life.
I will be forever thankful that I found Ghost's music, for without it I may still well be beating myself up and feeling guilty over things they deem unworthy: I'm pan, trans, and I question things. Those don't fly at church.
I say, on Easter no less, that I am very proud to no longer be Catholic or Christian.
I have so many more little stories from my experience with the church, but those are probably for another time. Meanwhile, please enjoy Ghost's newest video that inspired me to get some of these feelings out:
youtube
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rivalsforlife · 1 year
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I never actually made a lotrop ep 5 opinions post did I. here is one rapid fire based on a half-feverish memory that I’m not even going to hide from you underneath a readmore, sorry:
- the silmamithril thing is still extremely stupid and this will only be salvaged for me somewhat if it all turns out to be a lie behind the scenes by annatar. that’s really what I’m counting on. if they’re going to play this completely straight it’s going to be awful. I had a fever the night I was watching this from 2020′s favorite illness, and I was half-convinced at 2am that I’d just imagined it, but sadly, no. I need to move on from this point
- stranger healed by ice was actually a red flag for me since I generally associate ice more on the “morgoth” spectrum of fun additions in the ainulindale. may skew back to secretly evil after all after I was convinced of wizard. or I may be reading into it so much
- “I hope one day you find something you would sacrifice anything for” @ isildur was actually really funny. isildur finally takes advice and commits to something and it’s the one ring that keeps sauron “alive”
- sorry back to elves gil-galad I need you to come through for me bud I need to be able to look you in the eye and accept you as a potential son of fingon but right now you are so on the orodreth end of the spectrum it isn’t even funny buddy. take a fucking guess man and don’t pressure any oath breaking.
- celebrimbor voice I was there elrond. I was there the night that you were conceived. and do you know what your father said? he said that one day his children would shape the future of middle-earth elrond voice gil-galad come pick me up I’m scared
- actually back to the silmaril I think the treemaril is plausible if maglor threw that thing so fucking hard like the ted nasmith painting it just went in a straight line hit the pelori and ricocheted with such power (unbreakable object + unbreakable object) it flew back over and embedded in a random tree in the misty mountains. the rest is still bullshit though
- (pelori had to stop the silmaril from entering valinor because at the angle it was at it would have hit the heads of several elves in alqualonde in a long distance 10x combo kinslaying which would have been impressive but bad.)
- (I was going to draw this out but it would take me like three hours to do stick figures so you just have to imagine it in your head)
- speaking of kinslayings. kemen honorary feanorian though not nearly as cool
- trying really hard to remember anything else that happened this episode. still don’t care for halbrand. think he’s dragging galadriel’s whole story down with him. but at least this episode was better than some of the other ones in regards to him because he didn’t have as many awful sarcastic comments
- yeah can’t remember anything else I’m sure there was something important but the treemaril turning into mithril was such a headache I think it made me even more sick. anyways let’s hope this next episode in <10 minutes improves on that
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lovecolibri · 8 months
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SaL anon here my friend, back after a couple of weeks visiting family and refereeing family drama (I love them but visits remind me why I physically live far away from them). Anyway I'm sorry your work is being super shitty and you have to walk a fine there right now, that sucks and I'm reviewing them poorly on your behalf 😤.
So instead of indulging in the salt this time I am here to get super excited with you over the upcoming RWRB movie!! After seeing the trailer I immediately went and read the book and I am now aggressively glaring at the calendar waiting for August 11th to fucking get here already. Its been too long since since we've gotten to flail about our blorbos on here and I am ready 🤩🤩🤩.
And do you know the best thing bestie?? There's no self-indulgent showrunner behind the scenes to force out-of-character narrative or unneeded and unwanted side characters on us because they think it makes good drama (okay maybe this will be mildly salty). The story is set, the director seems to excited about the chance to do the actual source material, and everything we've seen from clips looks on point. And its not that I don't enjoy the prospect of seeing a story unfold in new and unexpected ways that a good procedural can do, I love that anticipation and love it even more when it pays off well, but its been awhile since that's happened. It feels like all the shows we've indulged in have just disappointed and I'm so ready to have the story of my blorbos have a happy ending that makes some fucking sense for the characters, that's been built up to and not "earned" through pointless drama but through a real journey that shows the characters discovering the ending they deserved from the start.
So let's get excited about this!! And if we're going to be excited about this do you think we should be song level excited?? Let me know!
Hello my friend! I'm glad you had time to visit family, and then time to be away from family. I know that feeling for sure! Sorry I'm so late getting to this. Work is stressing me TF out, so to relax, I spent the weekend camping (RV-ing) which was nice but also did not involve a lot of good sleep (it's just...so hot. and some people like to play music until 2am). Then I nearly spent this evening on a 4 hour round trip to see my brand new nephew but that was blessedly cancelled so I have time to finish the last few rows of his baby blanket and also answer this ask before it somehow ends up being already Friday and time for RWRB!
I keep going back and forth because on the one hand, there are things from the book I know for sure have been cut and I'm going to miss (whyyyy was this not a 6-8 episode mini-series?!) or things that are going to play out differently than the book which is always a little sad when you're waiting to see how these actors deliver a particular scene only for it to never happen, or the scene to happen differently, or with different dialogue. On the other hand, everything, even if it's not exactly what I would have pictured, just looks SO good and SO funny and fun, and like it all has SO much heart and love and joy behind it. It's like...it's going to be different, but out of necessity for run time/rating, not because someone got tapped to make a story from source material they didn't particularly enjoy or respect and therefore don't really care how they butcher the source material to meet runtime, as long as the studio can make merch with pretty faces. (No, of course I haven't been burned multiple times by books I loved being turned into movies/shows by people who scorn the source material and the intended audience. Why would you think that? 🙃) So I think I can leave space to mourn the changes and missing characters (Cash my absolute beloved! The June/Alex sibling relationship forever relegated to my re-reads and my dreams, the fact that I've seen several mentions of "the/a sex scene" strongly implying we aren't getting as much spice as one would hope given the source material etc), while still being REALLY excited to see what we get and to enjoy a movie so clearly crafted with love and respect of the source material. It's going to be a wild ride of emotions for sure!
And bestie you are sooo right, that after a long string of disappointments, it's going to feel soooo good to win! (Also, the director going back and adding more f-bombs because he found out about the R rating is hilarious and I love him for it.) It's going to feel so good to not have everyone bending over backwards to push just enough subtext to keep people saying "surely this HAS to mean something!" and then turning around and telling fans they're seeing things and it doesn't mean anything. 🙄 (oops! My own salt slipped out there a bit 🤣) ALSO!! There is something that really stood out to me and it was one of they guys saying how great it was they were friends because it was important for the love to be "real". Which struck me because it was almost word-for-word what Vlamis and Tyler said about playing Malex, and the love between them needing to be real, and we all saw how that turned out! Chemistry wise, it's unmatched (even if the show squandered it at every turn) and it's getting me really excited to see how it translates to screen for Henry and Alex with TZP and NG working with the same theory of the love being real. I think they are going to blow everyone away and I can't wait to see it!
I ABSOLUTELY think we should do a song if you're so inspired and I will do my absolute best to respond before Friday and also convince my mom that we don't need to out of town to see the baby until Saturday morning so I can watch it as soon as I get off work Friday.
Cheers bestie! We finally have something to celebrate!
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