#anyways this seems like a shitpost but this is all i have to offer on this lovely 9 month anniversary.

[byanyan]

byan, every time someone's like "you're gonna get caught" while they're doing something illegal, just wiggling the fingers on their right hand, all "an' how're they gonna catch me if i don't leave any fingerprints behind, huh?" like the prints on their other hand aren't perfectly intact and as if there aren't other types of evidence they're bound to leave behind

#when ur overconfidence is inevitably going to be ur downfall :/ #they put too much stock into their lack of prints on one hand #like WAAAAAY too much. yeah it's HELPFUL but it doesn't make them as invincible as they seem to think smh #especially considering the trails of glitter and very distinctive boot prints they tend to leave behind #idk how I got onto this train of thought but take it anyway #I was gaming all day so I have no more to offer I'm sorry #might see if I can't write a little but idk #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ shitpost ⋮ bold of you to assume i've reached peak dumbass.

[guideoftime]

❛ the gods love to ██ with us  ❜

▴ — @mightiestbanana ;; Sheik & Kohga. Context: So from a general observation you seem to prefer AO.C for Kohga, so I tossed this in there (AKA before BOTW) and in Sheik's Sage of Shadows verse as well. Meaning, he's about 12000+ years old, has been in the Shadow Temple for far to fucking long and see far to much. And then got yanked out to be in another war. With that long explaination out of the way, Al, I give you an actual response compared to out shitposting the two of them have been doing. I hope you enjoy.

   IT’S A BIT LIKE BEING LOST. Like wandering around the Lost Woods without the music to guide you, that is what being in the future is like. Sheik, from what he gathered, from what he was told by Purah and Impa–is around twelve thousand years old. To imagine he had been the Sage of Shadows for that long is rather frightening and there is a good portion of time he can’t even remember. What’s worse, is when being out of the Temple, he seems to begin to forget his time spent in it. He can remember things before becoming the Sage easily, but his memories of being in the Temple get harder to recall. 

   Impa, the current one of this Era, the woman with long white hair and a bubbly personality, was very quick to take Sheik in. It was kind of her, she didn’t have to give the wayward Sheikah Sage a home, but she had. And they were just as quick to hand him a weapon and ask for his help. Hyrule, the Kingdom at a place of war, and this–it isn’t anything unusual. Isn’t anything new. Like the good Warrior he is too, Sheik easily falls to their command and fights. 

   This is easier anyway. To fight and not think. To push his thoughts far from his head to focus on the weapons, the harp, the monsters, the enemies, the bloodshed… all of it compared to what his head was taking in and understanding. 

   Then he met the Yiga.

   Master Kohga is what he calls himself, Yiga are what the Sheikah ‘traitors’ call themselves. More information given to him by Impa. They are, from what he is told, the Sheikah that refused to continue to hide who they are. History–all it does is repeat itself, is that it? The Sheikah, Hylia’s most devoted followers, constantly beaten down and diminished. 

   Not the enemy currently is what he is told, there is a lot to unpack with that, Sheik doesn’t pay it much mind. Kohga from what he has observed so far, doesn’t seem like a bad person. It’s interesting, the way he guides the Yiga who to Sheik seem more like a band of misfit teenagers who don’t know what they’re doing. With a weird obsession with bananas. If one more Yiga offers him a banana, Sheik is going to lose his mind. 

   They fight–really well. They fight almost like Sheik does and the comparison is one that actually had alarmed him at first. Sheik is better, but can that really be compared? They didn’t have the very extreme, strict and controlled, training regiment that his mother had shoved down his throat. They didn’t live seven years serving under Ganondorf. They didn’t nearly die repeatedly to that man. Sheik has far more experience than them, so he can’t hold it against them. 

   They are talented and have potential though. And that is as far of a thought as Sheik was giving their skill. 

   Sheik tries when he’s on a battlefield with them to keep an eye on them, to help them where needed, to make sure they’re safe. He would do it for anyone, but they seem so much younger despite the fact he can’t see their faces, and it makes him worry more. Regardless of the title they wear, a Sheikah is a Sheikah and they are an ally. So he worries, he wonders and as much as he hates it–the fact he can understand their ‘betrayal’ as the Sheikah calls it really presses down on his thoughts. Though he can’t agree with their methods, with the things he has been told, he can understand. Which might be the most dangerous thing. 

   Still. 

   You can’t fight fear with more fear. 

   His fierce attempt at keeping an eye on the Yiga does have a downside. The small distraction, no matter how much of one it is, and him trying to safeguard them ends up getting him hurt. The wounds are bad enough he has to find somewhere to try and patch himself up, somewhere out of the way. Which is how he ends up in a small cave, undoing the blood soaked wrappings around his chest, arms and fingers. The tips of his fingers are raw and open from repeatedly using the harp, the Goddess Harp itself is covered in blood. Sheik’s struggling and unbelievably tired. 

   The bandages are tossed to the side and as he reaches for his pouch to find some clean ones he spots the red figure moving in front of him. So used to watching the uniforms of the Yiga, he doesn’t flinch, but he is surprised to notice which Yiga it is. For the most part, he can never tell them apart, but Kohga is much different from the Blademasters and Footsoldiers. 

   He grabs his pouch and sets it in his lap to dig through for medical supplies. A potion, some bandages, he’s really just ignoring the large red man–till he speaks. 

   ❛ the gods love to ██ with us  ❜

   Sheik, who had really been ignoring everything really up until this point, pauses. He’s trying to really not think about it. About what it all means. Twelve thousand years old, an Kohga seems really older than he appears, doesn’t even seem to be mocking him with his words. A steady observation. Like he understands Sheik right now. 

   And that’s frightening. 

   He understands the Yiga, they understand him? 

   The struggle of being far too old, of living a war, of reliving his life a second time, of going to be a Sage because he just couldn’t breathe in his second life. Then, to be here, to see what has become of the Sheikah–in his time, Sheik had seen the reality of what a Sheikah slaughter looks like. Has seen the weight it put on his mother. Had seen, after she left, what it meant to be the only one left. 

   To be the Survivor of the Sheikah. 

   He has seen the hatred, the resentment, the cruelty and discrimination that the Hylians were capable of. He had thought, to some level, after Hyrule was saved it would change. Perhaps not in his lifetime, but later down. 

   But the cycle just REPEATS. 

   Like a broken piece of music, like a song that just continues to loop, like a dance that doesn’t end. It loops back around. Hyrule turns on them. Hyrule gets into danger. Hyrule looks to the people they ripped apart and destroyed and begs for help. Everything they fought for was pointless, everything his mother gave and sacrificed is laid in a trash bin. Everything Sheik SUFFERED THROUGH is burned, forgotten, empty. 

   The Sheikah made an oath to Hylia. They made a promise to her, to protect her descendents, to safeguard the legend of the Hero and the Triforce so that it’s never forgotten. They devoted themselves to that oath and have never strayed from it once. Not in Sheik’s lifetime, at the very least. Hylia is and always has been the single most important figure to the Sheikah, the one they turn to when things get bad, when they’re uncertain and need guidance. 

   Yet, there has been a thought in his head he’s tried so very hard to ignore. 

   A simple one. 

   Why? 

   After everything they have sacrificed, after everything they have given, after the lengths they have gone to in order to protect that oath, why do they still suffer? 

   ❛ the gods love to–  ❜

   Faith, belief, is that not all they ever have when things get so dark though? The belief that everything is by Hylia’s design means that things will turn out alright. That they’ll survive and be okay. 

   But is this surviving? 

   Sheik resents and loathes the title SURVIVOR OF THE SHEIKAH.

   The sound he makes with his spirling thoughts is humiliating. With this man so close to him there is nowhere he didn’t hear the choked back sob that stuttered from his chest, the tears that had fallen down his face. Quickly Sheik leaned forward and dropped his head into his hands. Hiding his face, hiding the ridiculous and useless tears. To fall so very hard in front of Kohga of all people is going to be something he’ll scream at himself over later. He fully expects the other to laugh, to mock him and those thoughts have him trying to curl in on himself tighter. 

   Give him five minutes alone and he’ll pick his harp back up to fight and crush the thoughts down.

#mightiestbanana #▴ — path / sage of shadows #▴ — the eye of truth / asks. #long post cw

[her-reidiance]

Mostima's First Time after becoming a fallen Sankta, and her reflections on how it feels VS what it felt like before the fall. Is... is that anything?

I mean, a big part of Guiding Ahead for Mostima is that she expresses being able to think for herself, use her own judgment to feel and how to process the sensory intake, right? So like... naturally I got to thinking — at 3am, as one often does — what if the empathy halos are sort of like... obviously they tell you how others feel but what if that muddies your own perception on how you Ought To Feel? Like, originally I had a thought they could be kinky and used in a way to like, heighten one's pleasure and such... but what if they actually mute it for you?

And then Mostima becomes a fallen angel. Suddenly she's cut off from all the others, from that neural transmitter in the sky telling her how she Ought To Feel and she begins to experience the world as Herself? Through her own experiences and her own feelings she begins to form her own ideas and her own thoughts about the world and all it has to offer.

Food tastes different now, not because it's made any different but because now she doesn't have a million other thoughts pouring into her head informing her of how it makes her feel to eat it, she just Feels the way she does about it now and it might change what her favorites are, previous opinions overwritten.

Would explain why she enjoys eating so much and following the food guide in Code of Brawl, she's learning how to explore the world in her own eyes now. So obviously, it follows that other experiences would be altered now for her too, right? Especially with her unusual Self Dilation of Time or whatever the actual name of the ability is. Point is, she always experienced things in a strange way compared to others.

I dunno it's almost 4AM, I'm not fully awake and I might not remember typing this by the time I wake up but I guess that's the beauty of thoughts like these that float in my stream of consciousness like a lazy river. I get to just post these things to tumblr and not even worry about who's gonna see it.

Anyway. Mostima experiencing her first O post fall, and how that changes her entire worldview.

Oh and something else: her bio always refers to her emotional state as one of like, detachment basically right? How she never seems to actually feel as much as she might say she does? I mean, how else are you supposed to act when you finally don't have something telling you how to feel? You're gonna intuit it and you're gonna get it wrong sometimes. That's why she's so off-putting to others, she literally doesn't know how to feel so she's guessing and in a world where people don't usually need to guess...

Okay this is becoming a character think piece where it was supposed to just be a shitpost about thinking gay little sex thoughts about the blue hair cutie mctimestop so I'm gonna go to sleep. Thinking too much is gonna wake me up and I don't want that. Take this for what you will!

#arknights #rambles #mostima #analysis #i guess #more like rei gets dumb and gay about another time stopper #at 4 in the fucking morning #go to sleep you useless lesbian

[rrasado]

hmm, do you have any shenanigan stuff with adeuce and reader? Doesn't mattet the context just day-to-day stuff they get in trouble with due to their ✨foolery✨ - dobby

• Pass The Braincell •

Shenanigans = Stuff we did during face to face classes but I might be able to offer some 👀.

Daily antics with the adeuce duo:

You're in the same class as these two dorks, that in of itself is a spell for disaster. Then again you consider whether you got the best pick out the litter considering how the other students act.

Honestly, if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that there would never be a dull moment with the two of them. This is both a good and bad thing depending on the hour yet the fact still remains that there will be some sort of mishap on its way to ambush your peaceful schedule.

Homework? Oh my Ace forgot to do his work- Deuce would've scolded him for it if he himself hadn't forgotten his own work back at the dorm, most likely his karma for doing his work during a time he was on the verge of sleeping. And thus their hope lands on you pulling out your worksheet for them to copy off of. Whether you agreed to or not.

"Geez cut us some slack alright? We're gonna change a few stuff anyways I mean- what dumbass copies word per word" "isn't that what copying means...?"

Suffice it to say they did make it up to you with a free lunch, Deuce definitely feels bad but it was better than no work at all right? A Stark contrast to your redheaded friend who seemed a bit too proud of making the cut.

The one time you three did get caught with your charity homework Crewel gave a stern lecture how changing the order of the sentence and capitalization isn't exactly the best way to paraphrase someone else's work, Deuce physically ran from his dorm and back to the staff's office to turn in his own work leaving Ace to fend off his own ass.

Cleaning time is just horrendously disastrous, the first thing you worry about here is not them cleaning thoroughly (that's the second) but whether they'll show up at all to lend a hand.

Ace like in the prolog has shown to slack off of duties but considering the threat of Riddle's wrath? A bit of tattletailing would at least get him to start picking up the broom. Deuce is at least helpful in not being difficult but putting you three in one team- honestly you'd mess up more than clean.

Throwing the gathered dust using the dustpan? Blame it on Ace, throwing and cracking the spray bottle in half because it wouldn't let any water out? Blame it on Deuce, spilling the bucket of soap water and flooding the room? They're pointing their fingers at you.

Sometimes Trey can only ever feel sorry for you bit his time as a chaos tamer lies within his generation with Riddle and the dorm itself so he can only send apologetic glances whenever he passes by you three and your dumbassery.

Skipping class? One says ai and the other says nay, so with you being the final point of your uncanny triumvirate it often depends on your mood whether you avoid those monotonous lectures (sorry professor Trein-)

Don't even get me started on your group chat, back then when it only consisted of you three (with Epel Jack and surprisingly Sebek later on) Ace has a tendency to make up 60% of the spam notifs in your GC, and it's all random magicam memes he reshares there tagging either you or Deuce (sometimes both) respectively if he deems a shitpost applicable to you guys.

"Ace don't you have alchemy-" "Shhh this idiot is juice face ok-"

Deuce the ever sweet but slightly knowledge sheltered dearie does chat, sometimes it's him using the GC as his own reminder inbox where he sends homework pages so that he doesn't forget. (With the amount of spamming Ace does, the GC is usually at the very top of Deuce's contacts) but there are rare times he does share some sort of terribly edited fact he found in the depths of some other socmed.

Most of the time they're just scam advertisements, and at one point you and Ace have had to sit him down for a stern talking that no Sarah69 isn't near him and she does not want to actually chat-

Deuce's chats = myth busting sessions

In the instance that he does open a virus he's at least diligent in helping repair the infected devices manually.

#Full Moon Foam #Moon Caffeine #am i speaking from expereince? youll never know ✨ #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland headcanons #ace trappola #deuce spade #twst headcanons #twst ace #twst deuce #twst heartslabyul

[lutiaslayton]

Hey guys, you know what

Given the news about New World of Steam, a lot of us are going to replay the games for old time’s sake. With or without this news, I would have done so anyway, but while we’re at it… It just occurred to me.

Why don’t I just share my notes with you as I go through them? Aka, I suppose, go back to that series past me had started years ago where I had intended to study the plot in more depth, see how the puzzles could work in-universe, and just overall try to expand on the lore.

Here is the series in question, in case you don’t know what I am talking about.

I was once again desperately trying to sort my notes through the puzzle theory post I have been trying to make for practically a month, and I just thought that it was simply too big a monster to tackle in only one post. So why not expand on it as we play through the games directly, I guess?

I will make zero promises regarding a schedule, and I am very likely to not make any shitpost-y comics every episode. But what I can offer, however, is a thorough comparison between the Japanese version and the English languages we know (either US or UK, depending). If schedule there is, I will most likely make some sort of queue (past me had planned to separate the episodes in terms of “one puzzle per post”, and this seems to me like a good habit to keep), so I can write multiple posts in a row and then have them post weekly, or bi-weekly, or something like that.

If I ever get to it, I will tag these posts as #pl puzzle theory, since it is a tag I was already using. Feel free to blacklist it if you don’t want to see it! And for those who do, I hope I will manage to make something that is entertaining, thorough, and informative. And not too shitpost-y lol, at least not when it comes to analysing the raw evidence.

(PS: Of course, as always, the priority will always be the fanfic Stable Like Sand. I am merely saying that this playthrough marathon has been on my to-do list for fanfic research purposes for a very long time already, and that I suppose that making it a public mini-series instead of something I would have otherwise kept to myself for the most part will motivate me to get back into it, and make it open to discussion with you all! I am absolutely expecting to get some of my hypotheses contradicted and such, so don’t be shy, that will on the contrary be extremely helpful :D)

#pl theory board #pl puzzle theory #lutiasplays

[lucky-clover-gazette]

we interrupt this meal prep for interdimensional shenanigans

i can't even say this one is prompt-based, because the original prompt was like, "shadow and vio eat food!" which isn't WRONG, but i'm 99.9999% sure this fic was not the desired outcome.

we interrupt this meal prep for interdimensional shenanigans

(2559 words, general audiences, crackfic/shitpost/whatever, implied shadow x vio)

Link scrutinizes everything—every memory, every regret, every challenge laid before him by the goddess Hylia herself. He has journals full of notes and recollections, quests he has no reason to accept other than a genuine desire to connect with the world around him. He’s endlessly curious. He leaves no stone unturned. 

Until tonight, that is… because Link has just reached his fucking limit. 

read the full thing on ao3 or under the cut:

It’s nearly dusk when Link arrives at Riverside Stable. 

He’s spent a long, grueling day fighting Guardians on Hyrule Field, hoping to net as many Giant Ancient Cores as possible before the next Blood Moon. If his mental math is correct, tonight Calamity Ganon will yet again revive every single monster on the map, undoing all the hard work he’s done to rid Hyrule of evil. That, Link can accept—just as well as he can accept anything that’s happened to the world in the past century, anyway—but the heightened nighttime spawn rate of those cursed Stal enemies is simply intolerable. 

On nights like this, Link always tries his best to find shelter, or at least a campfire to help him pass the time. The upside of a stable or town is that Link can cook during the Blood Moon, which he’s discovered can sometimes give his meals random status buffs. He treasures the opportunity to learn how freshly foraged ingredients interact, resulting in unique dishes and the occasional dubious food. Cooking is one of the first things Link re-learned to do after his restorative slumber, and still remains his very favorite.

Earlier on in his travels, it would have been difficult for Link to tell each of Hyrule’s stables apart. From a distance they all look the same, offering identical services and ready-to-use cooking pots, never too far from a shrine for fast-traveling convenience. At this point, however, Link has taken detailed physical and mental notes on each location. It’s impossible not to get to know these places when you’re scouring the map for 900 Korok seeds and random townspeople with names using the suffix “-son.”

Riverside Stable is one of the least distinguishable of the bunch, located by Hylia River between Hyrule Field and West Necluda. Link’s first encounter with the place was during his search for Hestu, who was en route at the time to his home in the Korok forest. Beside the stable is the Wahgo Katta Shrine, obviously already completed, and a docked raft just asking to be used. 

As the sun sets over the river, Link takes a picture of two ducks with his Sheikah Slate. He’s not sure why he does this—his Compendium is complete—but these days he’s just trying to let himself exist, however he pleases. 

There are only a few more things he needs to do before he can return to Hyrule Castle and destroy Calamity Ganon for good. His current objective is to acquire the complete Ancient Armor set from Cherry at the Akkala Tech Lab, hence the Guardian farming. In retrospect, he really wishes he hadn’t wasted his stockpile of ancient screws and gears trying to enhance his seafood paella.

“Link! Hey!” 

Beedle waves at the approaching hero from the front of the stable, sitting criss-cross on the ground with his merchant’s table unfolded. For some reason, this strange man always seems to be exactly where he’s needed.

“Wow!” Beedle exclaims as Link stands at attention, hands on his hips. “We meet again! It seems that sharing space is our destiny.”

Link nods, because that’s really the only way he can imagine responding to the statement. 

“What are you looking for? Or are you selling?” 

Link looks up at the sky and then down at the stable, bathed in the warm orange color of the setting sun. He could always just call it a night now, but it doesn’t look like there will be rain, and he’s been holding onto some hearty durians from his recent travels to Faron… 

Link buys three tireless frogs and Beedle’s meager stock of arrows, and then sells him a few opals to make up for rupees spent. He does this—like most things—without a word, pointing to his desired purchases on the sheet Beetle provides. 

“Thank you very much! Hope to see you again soon!” 

He probably will, and they both know this. 

Link walks past Ember in the stable window to the small outdoor area Riverside has to offer. Nothing special here—a pre-lit cooking pot, wooden benches, supply crates and a spare pot lid. Three horses enjoy their hay in the outdoor stables and Link tries not to think about the last time and place he saw his own. They’re not dead, he promises, but just… maybe on a cliff, somewhere. He’ll find them. It’s fine. 

It’s turning dark now, and Link gets the easiest recipes out of the way first. Five hearty durians, five hearty durians, five hearty durians. Boring but extremely effective. Sneaky fried wild greens for his next trip to the Yiga hideout, stamina elixir with the frogs purchased from Beedle. Spicy peppers, the scent so strong that Link’s sinuses sting. He considers cooking a few raw whole birds, but then remembers to hold onto them for the strange wolf who occasionally accompanies him on his travels. Monster cake, just for fun, purple fumes rising from the pot as it sets.

He’ll probably end up preparing more than a dozen dishes tonight. Maybe it’s not the case for an average Hylian, but for Link, meal prep is essential. He realized pretty early on in his adventures that he could keep his meals fresh by programming the Sheikah Slate to automatically Stasis them until needed. That probably wasn’t Zelda or the Sheikah’s intention with the rune, but it has kept him alive in more lynel fights than he can count. 

He’d love more stamina-boosting dishes but is low on the necessary supplies. But there, in the river, a few staminoka bass catch his eye. He draws his bow, shock-arrows the water, and watches his quarry rise to the surface. He then uses Magnesis on the Master Sword to spear the fish like a kebab and slide them into the pot, listening to their satisfying sizzle against the cast iron surface. 

Link can see the Blood Moon rising in the sky, as well as the purple-red particles of malice rising from the ground. Yet again he’s reminded of how deeply Calamity Ganon has marred this world—and how, despite this, the world persists. 

He’s heard of many unexplained things happening during the Blood Moon, far beyond the regeneration of monsters and forageable materials. A woman in Hateno told him she once saw herself, with red eyes that pierced through the darkness, watching her from the field outside her home. Riju said that her bedroom mirror sometimes acts strangely during the Blood Moon, her reflection lost to a pitch-black void. Even Link himself has witnessed strange disappearances and reappearances, entire monsters and buildings fading in and out of existence, especially when he’s windbombing in a rush to find shelter.

“Hey, you!” Link turns his head to face Gotter, a stablehand he’s helped at least once, probably, with something or other. “You’re the guy who got me the recipes from Hyrule Castle! And you drew me a map! Are you cooking now?” 

Link looks from Gotter, to the lit cooking pot full of simmering seafood, and back to Gotter. 

“Neat,” Gotter says, taking a deep whiff. “You know, it’s funny…” 

He rambles on as Link considers his next ingredients. He has a lot of Goron spice at the moment, that might work. On the other hand, he’s pretty sure there’s someone near Rito Village who’s waiting on a delivery of the stuff. He’d have to consult his notes to be sure. 

“I said, it’s funny,” Gotter clears his throat and Link shrugs in apology. “I thought I just saw you, over by the water, but it looks like you’ve been cooking here for quite a while.”

This intrigues Link. Gotter looks him up and down, which isn’t an irregular occurrence with Hyrule’s denizens but makes him uncomfortable all the same. 

“Did you change your clothes?” Gotter asks, eyebrows knitted. “I could have sworn you were wearing purple.” 

Link steps away from the cooking pot and juts his chin towards the water behind the stables. Gotter nods. “Yeah, over there. By the dock.” 

Link scarfs down his recently-prepared stealthy greens and leaves the rest of the night’s meals and ingredients by the fire, shushing Gotter as he sneaks towards the horse stables. From his kneeling position, he can indeed see the form of a Hylian seated on the dock, about his height and build. The shape of the stranger’s hair is similar to Link’s, as well, long and choppy and flowing in the breeze. Link watches as the stranger ties up his hair and opens a book, jotting something down as he watches the river rush by. The blood moon is certainly bright enough to illuminate the pages. 

Slowly as he can, Link crouch-hops behind the stable. He presses himself up against the canvas tent as he tries to get a better look, hiding behind a wooden mop taller than he is standing.

“—can’t believe the ritual worked, especially given what that mirror has been already through—”

The man speaks, quietly but discernibly, despite his lack of company. This is the greatest surprise yet; not only does this ‘Link’ speak at all, but his voice is also unfamiliar. Link knows what his voice sounds like, even if he doesn’t often use it. He still says “hyah” probably at least thirty times a day. 

This person speaks in full sentences, his voice more controlled than Link’s own. He has this academic affect, reminding Link of Zelda when she gushes about her scientific fascinations. 

“—don’t see why we can’t pet the dogs—” 

Link’s expression sours. A… second voice? A second person? His eyes strain to see in the dark, and sure enough, there is another person seated on the dock. His form is less distinguishable, but the impression of his mangled-looking hat is lined with red moonlight. Glancing downwards, he can now also see that the two people are holding hands. 

Link can’t even remember the last time he was touched, outside of battle and armor upgrades. 

“How long do we have?” the shadowy figure asks the young man with the book. 

“I think until morning. When the moon goes, so do we.” 

“No one’s going to believe that we did this. I can’t believe we did this. Look at this world, Vio, it’s insane!” 

Vio, Link thinks with relief. See? Completely different person. 

“I’m curious about Calamity Ganon,” the man named Vio says. Link’s blood goes cold. “Is he the same as ours?”

“Not our problem. You hungry? I’m super hungry.” 

“Actually, yes. The book did mention the ritual having that effect.” 

Link brings his hand to his head, which immediately proves to be a mistake. The mop clatters loudly onto the ground and draws the attention of both young men. While one appears to have a normal face, the other’s features are eclipsed by piercing red eyes. 

“So that’s why we were sent here,” says the cursed creature, elbowing the man beside him. With the moonlight on their faces, they admittedly both bear some resemblance to Hylia’s chosen champion. “I thought he’d just look like Green, but he’s got a whole turquoise thing going on with the tunic.” 

Link’s mouth hangs open. He makes some kind of ugly “guh” sound and jumps to his feet, holding the mop in an offensive position. After a second’s consideration he swaps it out for the Master Sword, which still vaguely smells of fish. 

“Hey, calm down,” Vio says, raising both his hands. “You… you’re probably tired, aren’t you? Long day?”

Link is still as a statue and just as silent. 

“You’re imagining this,” Vio continues, locking eyes with the shadow and turning back to Link. “That’s… that’s what happens during the Blood Moon, right? And—hey!—something smells good, you’ve been cooking!”

“Seriously, that does smell good,” the shadow mutters, more to Vio than to Link. 

“I wonder if you’ve used any questionable ingredients, lately? Like monster extract? I’ve read that the cooking fumes from that stuff can cause some intense hallucinations.” 

“I’ve, uh, read that too.”

Link looks from one person to another, still deeply uncomfortable with the entire situation.

“Go get some rest,” says Vio with a smile. “I’m sure you’ll have a clearer head in the morning. Cool sword, by the way.” 

Link holds it tight to his chest and the shadow bursts out laughing. Vio elbows him and he stops at once.

Maybe they’re right about the monster extract, Link tries to convince himself. Who knows where Kilton got it? 

He’s been through a lot since awakening in the Shrine of Resurrection. He’s seen ghosts of kings, monsters rising from the dead, giant divine beasts and flying elemental dragons. He’s done tactical drag and liked it. He’s become a homeowner. He’s built a town from the ground up.

Link scrutinizes everything—every memory, every regret, every challenge laid before him by the goddess Hylia herself. He has journals full of notes and recollections, quests he has no reason to accept other than a genuine desire to connect with the world around him. He’s endlessly curious. He leaves no stone unturned. 

Until tonight, that is… because Link has just reached his fucking limit. 

He turns on his heel and retreats inside the stable, praying to the Champions, Zelda, and Hylia herself for sanity when he wakes.

━━

The sun has risen and the imposters are gone. 

Link stretches his arms above his head and waves to Beetle as he exits the tent. Before he can depart from the stable entirely, however, he’s intercepted by a familiar face.

“Hey,” Gotter says, wringing his hands. “I just want to apologize for anything I might have told you last night. I was… well, I had found some barrels in the Hyrule Castle cellars last week, using that map you gave me. Brought ‘em back here, decided to give it a shot to celebrate the Blood Moon. It tasted kind of like root beer, but I don’t think it was just root beer, if you know what I mean. Do you know what I mean?”

Link gestures a tentative so-so. Gotter rubs the back of his neck. 

“But, uh, point is, I don’t think I was in my right mind last night. So sorry, if I said anything weird.” 

Link is beyond relieved as he nods his understanding. Last night was fine. He arrived at the stable, did some cooking, and then went to sleep. 

His inventory is light, though, for the day after meal prep. Oh, right—he left his food by the cooking pot when he got distracted by the… whatever it was. Link could get distracted by a mushroom, or a cricket, or a stick, so it wasn’t too hard to believe. 

But he should definitely collect his food before heading back to Hyrule Field. He’s pretty good at shield-parrying lasers, but there’s always that one time in a dozen where he fumbles the timing. 

Outside Riverside Stable, the fire is still lit. The horses still eat hay, the ducks still swim, the pot lid still rests against a storage crate. The river still runs in the correct direction and the sun still shines in the sky. 

But Link’s food—meals, ingredients, all of it—is completely gone.

The only thing left is a handwritten note, secured beneath an impromptu paperweight on one of the wooden stools. Link snatches the note and narrows his eyes, trying to interpret the overly elaborate cursive script:

Thanks for breakfast! Good luck with Ganon!

- V&S 

#tagging this is going to be a mess #my writing #fs #four swords #four swords manga #vio link #shadow link #vidow #vio x shadow #botw #breath of the wild

[depressed-shinnie]

Joe and Ryoko go on a date to Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria

Shitpost Fic Requested by @kidfoundonstreets 

Joe stood outside of the Pizzeria, nervously fidgeting with his jacket. He wasn’t sure why he was so nervous, this wasn’t nearly their first date, but his heart was racing all the same. He tried to rationalize it in his head, thinking things like, “Ryoko would never be disappointed in what I did for her, she’s cool like that!”, or, “Oh no… what if I’m underdressed?”, and even, “Oh god… what if I’m overdressed?!” Joe sighed, looking at the building behind him to try and keep his mind off of everything. It seemed like an old-fashioned pizzeria, in some sense. Ranmaru had recommended it to him, saying that it had a “pretty sweet theme”, whatever that was supposed to mean. 

“What if Ryoko doesn’t like it? No, that’s crazy, Ryoko loves food!! So she will have to love this place… right…?” Joe started muttering to himself, pacing lightly. She wasn’t supposed to be here for another five minutes, but he couldn’t stop watching the cars pass in hopes that she would be in one. He stopped pacing and sat down on the curb, trying to stop his racing thoughts. All in all, he was still in shock that Ryoko agreed to their first date, awhile ago. He could have sworn that she was so far out of his league!! Yet, she still agreed, and has been everything he could have ever hoped for. He smiled to himself, thinking about how much fun they had together. He tried to ignore a smaller voice in his head, shouting at him that she didn’t even like him.

“Jeez, is the sidewalk really that interesting, Joe?”

Joe shot up, getting startled out of his thoughts.

“Ha!! Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you…” Ryoko smiled down at him, suppressing laughter from his shocked expression.  

“Gah… it’s fine!! You look… really nice…” Joe stood up, brushing off his clothes from sitting on the ground.

“Aww, thank you!! You don’t look so bad yourself, Tazuna.” 

“Heehee…”

Ryoko looked around, setting eyes on the large building in front of her. 

“Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria, huh? Hmm… good choice!! I haven’t had pizza in awhile, anyways.”

Joe let out a sigh of relief. He knew she would like it!! 

“Well… shall we?” Ryoko offered out her hand to Joe, which he (albeit while being rather flustered) took.

“W-We shall!!”

The couple walked into the restaurant together, hands in twined. Joe couldn’t stop looking over at Ryoko while they walked, so much so that he almost tripped on a rock in his way. Ryoko found herself stealing glimpses of Joe also, smiling to herself about how even in more formal attire he still kept the dog that Sara gave him in his jacket pocket. She was still surprised that he asked her on a date, she’d been pining over him for quite some time before it seems that he caught on, but it still took her by surprise. 

“Table for two?” A tired waiter asked, barely even glancing up at the two.

“Oh- yes, thank you.” Ryoko smiled over at Joe while speaking. 

The waiter nodded and lead the two to a table closer to the back. Ryoko was glad for that, there was a lot of children up front, next to the stage. She looked up, closer to the stage, and saw four animal-robots singing songs.

“Guh… what’re those things…?” Joe looked lightly horrified by the animatronics, mainly looking at the large anthropomorphic bear in the front.

“I think they’re cool. I mean, how often have you gotten to eat a butt load of pizza and listen to some freaky robots sing, huh?” Ryoko said, sitting down across from Joe.

“Do you really think they’re cool? D-Don’t get me wrong!! If you think they’re cool, they are, but-!”

“Haha, it’s fine if you don’t like the robots, Joe. You don’t have to pretend to like them for my sake.”

“Oh, thank god… They’re horrifying!! That bear is staring at me, Ryoko… staring at me!!”

Ryoko laughed, narrowing her eyes at Joe.

“Wha- Ryoko!! I’m being serious!!”

“I-I know, I’m sorry, but… he’s just a robot bear, Joe! Ooh, you think that that’s Freddy Fazbear?”

“This is his restaurant?! Oh no…”

“Here, pick out what you want, when the waiter comes over I’ll ask them about the bear.”

Joe shook his head, looking away from Freddy to start flipping through his menu. Ryoko suppressed a chuckle, she wasn’t sure why her boyfriend was so worried about the stupid animatronic bear. The waiter walked over to the pair, holding a notepad. 

“Hello, welcome to Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria, home of Freddy Fazbear and his band mates. How are you folks today.”

“Oh, we-” Ryoko started.

“Fantastic, what can I get you two.”

“Can I get the Supreme Ultra-does that say Faz-tastic? Uh- Pizza Deluxe with extra toppings, please?”

“Alright, anything for you, sir?”

“U-Uh, a water?”

“Okay. That’ll be out in 20 minutes. Please enjoy the show until then, and have…” The waiter sighed defeatedly. “Have a faz-tastic day.”

“The water will take 20 minutes too…? H-Hold on just a second! I have a question!” Ryoko called out after the waiter.

“Ryoko, maybe we should just let them be-” Joe reached a hand out to try and stop her from harassing this poor underpaid worker for information on robot animals, but she continued forward. 

 “What’s with the weird bear thing? Is he like… a puppet kinda thing? Remote control? Is he evil? Does he attack people?!” She got more excited with each thing she said, whereas Joe’s horror grew with each sentence.

The waiter sighed, looking at her with dead, empty eyes. When they spoke, it sounded like they were reading directly off of a script.

“Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria’s main attraction, Freddy Fazbear, is an animatronic bear who’s goal is to entertain children of all ages. His band mates, Chica the Chicken and Bonnie the Bunny, can be seen performing next to him. One more member is Foxy the Fox in Pirate’s Cove, but he is currently out of order, so please do not attempt to engage with him. Anything else, miss?” “…Hmm… you sure they aren’t possessed or something?”

“No, the animatronics here at Freddy Fazbear’s are not haunted.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“Ryoko- uh, thank you waiter! You’re good!!”

The waiter nodded blankly to Joe and walked off. 

“What? We got some good information out of them!! I wanna go on stage with ‘em.” Ryoko turned back over to Joe, looking confused.

“Well, yeah, but- oh, whatever. …Hey, you think we’re allowed to go on stage with those… things?” 

“I mean… I don’t see anything telling us not to… but do you really want to go up there with them? I think I’d be cool as hell, but if you don’t wanna-”

“No!! I’m… totally down for this! It’ll be… awesome…” Joe gulped, trying to muster up the confidence to go up there and show his girlfriend that he can be cool. Ryoko raised an eyebrow at him.

“…You clearly don’t want to go up there, Joe. You really don’t have to, you know. Look- if you’re that dead set on it, I’ll come with you! It’s not like the staff here will try and stop us…”

Joe took a deep breath in, and stood up. 

“A…Alright, let’s do this!!”

“Hahaha, hell yeah!! …Just remember, you can back down at any point and it’ll all be okay, alright?” Ryoko stood up, pushing her chair out and leaving it there. 

“…Yeah…” Joe’s still horrified, but he was determined to do something for Ryoko. He wanted to prove to her that he really cares about her and her interests, even if it means stand on a stage in front of a sea of yelling children next to a horrific robo bear. 

“Could we…uh… y-you know!! Um…” Joe looked over at Ryoko, extending his hand slightly. Ryoko laughed, taking his hand and smiling. With this new surge of confidence filling his head, Joe walked forward towards the stage with Ryoko right behind him. They walked around all of the children, most of which have started watching the two with odd curiosity, wondering if he would go up to Freddy and sing with him. At the edge of the stage, Joe stopped, looking up at the bear. 

“U-Ugh… he’s… a lot bigger than I thought…” Joe looked up at Freddy warily, scooting closer to Ryoko. 

“Huh, you’re right! Oh- sorry, that’s not a good thing, uh… You don’t have to go up with me, you know. I can do it by myself if you’ll watch!!”

“No!! It… it won’t be right then!”

“…What do you mean?”

“I just… I don’t know, I just wanted you to be happy during this…I…”

“Joe, I-”

“What if I can’t do it, Ryoko?!”

“I already said, you don’t have to come up with me on stage!”

“No, no… I… what if I’m not cut out to be in a relationship with you? What if I’m not good enough, Ryoko…”

“Of course you’re good enough!! Look at all this, Joe! You took me here because you thought I’d like it, hell, you even walked over here to an animatronic you hate because I like it, Joe… I could never ask for a boyfriend that’s better than you, because that’s not even possible! You’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me, okay…? Now, if I make you cry, I might have to extend our deal to Sara, then she’d have to punch me!! Do you know how hard she punches?!”

“H..hahahaha… you’re right… Sara hits really hard… Thanks, Ryoko…”

“Don’t worry about it, okay? Do you want to go back to the table now and wait for our pizza? It’ll be faz-tastic!”

“N-No… I want to go on the stage. With you.”

“…W-What? Are you sure?!”

“Yeah… for some reason, when I’m standing with you… he doesn’t look so scary.” Joe squeezed Ryoko’s hand, and they both stepped onto the stage. Together.

Then Joe got offended at Freddy because Freddy called him short and ended up pushing him over off the stage, effectively breaking the animatronic. Maybe freeing the spirit but Joe and Ryoko aren’t the brightest, they wouldn’t know that. Then they get chased out of the restaurant by the very tired waiter and are now banned for life. It’s the best date they’ve ever had and they often retell the tail to Sara and Ranmaru.

#your turn to die #yttd #jou tazuna #joe tazuna #ryoko hirose #ryojoe #god i put. too much effort into this. #kinda slaps tho

[woolyfaye]

I guess since twitter is dying I ought to remind folks I don’t just shitpost here and reblog fandom stuff. SOMETIMES, I write.  Anyways an unedited bit from The Tailor’s Kiss, since I plan on finishing it once my degree is completed.  For new followers, this follows the life of Betony Redyng, an alderman’s daughter, as she wards off her unsavory suitors in the spring and summer of 1381, when the pressures of the Poll tax lit London aflame and threatened its independent rule. 

“Hmm, yes. May I walk you home?” He nodded, though his eyes did not focus on her face as Edward’s did. He was partially turned away, despite the older man offering his arm to her. Walter’s red face was less flushed than usual, making the lines forming around his eyes and lips stand out slightly. It seemed his time serving the city as an enforcer of the law was wearing on him. Beneath her touch, his forearm was hard with muscle. It was a firm reminder that for all his talking, he was very much a man of action. He was, as a nobleman might say, preux.

  Betony tried to keep her touch as light as possible. He started without a verbal acceptance, the brush of her fingers enough to set him walking. Idly, she wondered if she’d have to get used to that, for with Geoffrey dealt with, Sheriff Walter Doget was the only man actively pursuing her. Betony didn’t want a life of her word being worth nothing, especially in the places it mattered. He at least purposely slowed his step for her, and he finally smiled down at her. He seemed more interested in her throat and brooch, his eyes only rising to land on her lips as he asked, “Have you heard much of the goings-on outside of London?”

  Betony’s brows rose. That was the last subject she’d expected him to ask about. She tilted her head to the side, grasping for the gossip that traveled through the city’s network of women. That word traveled slowly, but there was always some woman whose cousin in the countryside had heard about something from a traveler, or had heard something from a friend. By the end of it, of course, the tale had warped into the exaggerated silhouette of monsters and scandal, but Betony loved that about gossip. Now she almost hated it. “Many are refusing to pay the poll tax. Some I’ve heard have taken up arms.”

  Walter snorted. “Fat chance there is of that happening here—forgive me for my language, Miss Redyng—but I’ve made ensuring the tax is paid a very personal endeavor.” He seemed to puff up with pride, even as they stepped out into the unseasonably cold rain.

  Betony was glad her entire dress was a waterspot, or else this would certainly have ruined her dress. She grimaced slightly at Walter’s words, a shiver traveling up her spine. She’d trust that to be the rain’s fault, but the poll tax might have been another reason. “May I ask how you’ve managed to do that, goodman?”

  “I’m certain the details would bore you.” Walter laughed. Betony’s insides twisted. Her touch grew firmer on his arm only so she might imagine what it might feel like to twist his arm in the same way—but violence was not ideal, especially not towards the enforcer of London’s laws. An act like that would be just as bad as fighting the mayor. “I’ve simply ensured that those who don’t comply with our good king’s tax face certain difficulties, as they haven’t obliged the laws of the city.”

  This time, she was certain, the chill was not from the rain. She expected talk like this from Venetians, who never said what they meant and always tried to impress their audience, but not a good Londoner. Even worse, a Londoner so respected by the civic government that he’d been named Sheriff at the age of thirty. Betony let out a chuckle that half caught in her throat. “I thought the king’s men would do that for you.”

  Doget made a dismissive noise. “Bah, you know the king’s men. Too afraid to interfere with our city’s independence.”

  “London still owes fealty to King Richard.” Betony replied. The young king had yet to impress her, but she was fully aware of that. The city’s writ of self-governance had been threatened—revoked, even—in the past, and she would not see it revoked again by riots. “Perhaps a gentler hand might—“

  Sheriff Walter cut her voice off with a laugh that echoed across the streets. It seemed lent had left few of the ladies hungry for dancing, for the square outside the church was nearly empty. Sound carried further than she’d ever seen it go her whole life. He looked down his sloped nose at her. “Kindness doesn’t pay taxes.”

  Betony bit back a retort. Her face felt hot for all the wrong reasons, most of all her thoughts on the state of the city being outright dismissed. Goodman Doget was certainly well-connected, but as a man who’d been unmarried all his life, he seemed to have no connections to the word spread through the women of the city. That meant he missed the words of the women outside the city as well. Those who were widowed with young children by the ongoing war with France were the most affected by the tax. The crop hadn’t been good enough to pay it. But Betony couldn’t risk a larger blow to her reputation to argue.

  Instead, she looked about the streets for a way out. Betony knew none of the people they passed well enough to excusably break away. With a thin smile, she instead prayed to Jesus, Mary and Joseph that another might approach her or the sheriff, and the excuse of conversation could give her an exit. Betony would find her prayers unanswered. As her hazel eyes searched every dampened face and the depths of each doorway, she was met only with the frowns of others. “Are you taking me another route? This isn’t the way my kin take to Knightrider.” Betony asked. By now, her veil was entirely plastered to her head. Moving her head one way or the other was an effort, with the drenched linen heavier than any of her sins.

  “I thought I’d show you a new way.” Goodman Walter said.

  The chill was certainly from the cold.

  Betony found it much harder to keep up her smile now. She loosened her grip on the sheriff’s arm just enough so she could break away easily. Her heart pounded in her chest. “I’d like to be returned home quickly, goodman.” Her voice shook as she spoke, “I’ve a dress to finish for Easter. You are aware that the Guildhall has agreed we’re all to wear purple during Easter mass.”  

#the tailor's kiss #Betony Redyng #Walter Doget

[cylixil]

Maybe I Should Make an Introduction Post, Actually

I'm Cylixil, though people also call me Cy or Cyl (I guess depending on how they read my name?)

Anyway, welcome! This is a space dedicated to the god Apollon :] I've been wanting to make one for a while now but I've also been putting it off since my "godphone" with him is more or less constantly active, so it didn't really seem to have a point... But he thought the header was funny so :3

Here's a bulleted list about me bc idk how else to talk abt myself:

25+

I use any pronouns

My name is a mix of other names that are personal to me, Apollo's included

I only learned "cylix" was a thing that existed when I looked my name up

I am an Aquarius so its doubly funny to me

I'm... not really sure what to call myself? I guess I'm a devotee, but not quite in the traditional sense? I don't do physical offerings, nor do I have an altar for him. I guess my mind's his altar in a way lol I started talking to him years ago and never really stopped.

I still have trouble hearing him tho, since his responses are like thought bombs that last 0.1 seconds and my brain has to process what he meant from that alone. Still, it makes it easier to differentiate between his responses and my imagination.

I hesitate to call myself a "godspouse" for obvious reasons, but I guess in a way it fits, even if I'm more like a pathetic little wet cat that he has to take care of lol

I love him a lot :]

I'm still not sure what I'll be posting here, but have another list on stuff that might pop up and their main hashtags if they have one:

Reblogs of posts about him

Reblogs of things that remind me of him (could be shitposts or other random stuff): #SunLightOfMyLife

If you see that^ tag on an art post it is me pulling on his arm and going "!!! Look at this!!!!"

UPG stuff: #whatsUPGod

Songs Apollo woke me up with: #Apollo's Alarms

Maybe stuff I write. If he insists. #Devotional Quill

Miscellaneous/general stuff: #GeneralRamblings

Oh, just to be clear, this isn't a fandom thing. This is a ...religion(?) thing (is it a religion if I'm just vibing with a god)

Anyway I don't know if this part of the site is still alive but on the off chance someone sees this: All are welcome here, unless you're a dick or asshole. Don't be either. They stink.

#I WAS just gonna leave the UPG one as just UPG #but #well #it popped into my head #i had to #this is also a placeholder #or maybe it wont be #idk yet

[lunarfortune]

okay im just gonna type some shit for the moment or whatever but elise mf origin post because it's super funny to me

long rambly post with a bunch of card game images

anyway way back in like 2020 and early 2021 Legends of Runeterra had its Lab of Legends mode. Similar to Path of Champions but like, way more basic since it was the earlier version. You pick a champ and fight through a series of 9? stages or so, theyre all the same each time, with the bosses being Thresh, Sejuani (FUCK Scargrounds stage) and Viktor (and FUCK Guard Bots stage too). Each first clear with a champ would grant you a unique player icon for them, but I wasn't super concerned with collecting them all, I really just wanted Miss Fortune. The problem was that her starting deck is kind of Not Great and it's especially easy to get reamed by bad rng and her ability is straight up a hindrance against Scargrounds. I was having so much trouble with MF runs it was unreal. My friend cleared it relatively quickly, but I could not for the life of me get a good run going. I struggled with it on and off for WEEKS. I was just resigned to never clearing it.

So one fateful day in February of 2021 I am going through yet another MF lab run and get offered a choice between Zoe, Elise and Jinx as my deck's support champs. Fuck it, I'm thinking, just take Elise for laughs, who gives a shit anymore.

While I'm playing I'm shitposting on discord with a friend and making jokes about the whole thing, and we all know what happens when you make jokes. Didn't win that run but within a day it did get the gears in ye olde brain turning.

(i've now had this sitting in drafts for a month btw LOL i forgor)

The next month I'm starting up yet another run, and at this point I'm so demoralized by my bad luck with this I'm just like, yeah okay whatever Elise again, I'm just gonna lose at Scargrounds again like always

So I'm just going through the motions with this run and being more excited about the loot I'm getting of the Empires of the Ascended event. Somehow got quite lucky through Scars and Sejuani because the ai wasn't pulling followers to play.

Like I really cannot stress how lackluster the rng through this run was, I was genuinely surprised I got through Sejuani lmao

I guess purely to spite me, this run makes it past Foundry and Guard Bots and gets to Viktor. It's.... dicey. Elise's spiders give me more fodder to keep the nexus safe but between Elise's support cards and Sarah's starting deck, I don't really have any big hitters if Viktor starts to beef up, and I was never able to pick up anything from round rewards.

The Ruination I picked up comes in an early draw and comes in handy, clearing the board. I'm in the damn trenches clutching my spiders and fighting for my life. Another Viktor comes out, I draw a second Ruination and pop it. Viktor plays a Nyandroid.

He doesn't seem to have anything else to play. With both Sarah and Elise leading the charge, I attack.

Finally, finally, after so many attempts, I was FREE. Love fucking wins. Sarah's Love Tap took out the 5/1 bot that would have killed Elise during the Guard Bots stage. These champs speedran enemies to lovers through a month of me suffering through to get my first clear. I was utterly bewildered.

So anyway thats the story of how Elise/Miss Fortune was kind of a joke and then not a joke and I have given very serious consideration as to how they could encounter one another and how that would go.

Elise Does make trips to Bilgewater btw, thanks Ruined King!

#tatz.txt #anyway im insane <3 #i rushed the end of this bc i need to leave for work KJFHDHSJF

[ourstarscollided]

Hey Netflix, I’d like to offer you this on the 9 month anniversary of JATP:

That’s it. Should be enough, right?

Image IDs under the cut.

Bonus meme under the cut that might be a mix of something too real and also something that makes me happy to be a part of this crazy corner of the internet.

For real tho. Seeing everyone still make content for this show even after nine freaking months makes this whole “no renewal announcement yet” just a little better. Honestly thought the fandom would lose steam at a certain point, but we’re doing pretty well on our own and I think that’s just really lovely. I’ve made some wonderful friends and also got back into some hobbies that I hadn’t found creative energy for in years, and for that, I’m thankful 🧡 so like, yeah, it’s been 9 months, but this community of people is something I didn’t think I’d find again as an adult and that’s been the coolest thing.

[image id 1: trade offer meme with "i receive season 2 of jatp" on the left and "you recieve less threats of no substance about me fighting a streaming service" on the right as the trade offer. the guy in the middle who is making the offer is labeled as “someone who just really wants their comfort kids’ show back”.]

[image id 2: hard to swallow pills meme with the first panel showing a finger pointing at a bottle that says “hard to swallow pills”. The second panel shows a hand holding the pills and is labeled “it’s been 9 months since jatp was released and there is a real fear that it won’t be renewed even though the fandom has stepped up and has been creating content to keep the hype around the show alive” with a finger pointing towards the pills.]

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #anyways this seems like a shitpost but this is all i have to offer on this lovely 9 month anniversary. #for real. ive been sending mental threats to netflix and im ready to fight them at all times and yet i still continue to use it. #do it for kenny ortega #do it for the cast #do it for the thousands of fans who have latched onto this show and had it help them through thr pandemic. #JUST PLEASE 😭 #this kinda got sentimental??? im sorry??? #the constant battle in my head is literally ‘being grateful for jatp’ while also simultaneously going ‘screw netflix for not renewing it!’ #anyways not sure what this is. #throwing this into my queue to churn out on the 9 mth anniversary #also first time writing image idsso like let me know if anything needs to be added!! #sunset queue #text post #memes #is this even proper grammar ohmygod its gonna haint me #hope yall know what i mean #9 month anniversary

[bestiesenpai]

youtuber Sukuna

I beg you to read the shitposts I made about this, they are delicious. You don’t have to of course but...if you loved me you would :) s/n = screen name, and I hope you chuckle at Sukunas screen name

Content warning: uhmhm lowkey incel shit(mean internet comments and whatnot)

part two --- part 3

Name: Sukuna. Age: 25. Height: 6 foot 5 inches. Occupation: toxic Youtuber, fitness trainer and hot guy.

Sukuna wasn’t exactly known for being kind. He wasn’t nice to others, rarely having anything good to say about anyone, and he’d made a successful Youtube career out of it. First starting as a fitness trainer at his gym, through encouragement from his clients and the notion of a quick cash grab, he started Youtube.

He didn’t care about it and that reflected in the quality of his videos and editing. He didn’t have consistent uploads, just filming and posting videos whenever he wanted, analytics be fucked. But somehow, that worked out for him, and he quickly found himself with over two million subscribers just frothing at the mouth for his next video.

And those subscribers were some of the worst people. Sukuna didn’t care about fostering a safe space online for others, not in the slightest. His comment sections were atrocious, both on his Youtube and his Instagram. It was full of toxic men one-upping each other constantly and dragging on each other for not being able to work out as much as Sukuna did.

Sukuna was a large part of why his fanbase were so toxic. He himself often made bad comments about others, whether fellow creators or people that happened to appear in the backgrounds of his videos, and on more than one occasion he’d been ‘cancelled’. None of that mattered though, all he cared about was shitting on other people and making money.

Sometimes he played video games and posted it, but not too often. Sukuna often stated he wasn’t so much of a fucking lonely loser that he’d play video games all the time, and so the gaming videos he did post were few and far between. He played angry shooter games and GTA, mindless button clicking he could get lost in for a few hours for a video.

Laying in bed one night after uploading his most recent video, one where he rages at 12 year olds on GTA online, Sukuna was just scrolling through his phone mindlessly. After he uploads video game content, like clockwork, he gets recommendations for gaming channels. He only watches a few of them, mostly leaving mean comments saying what losers they are, but one catches his eye.

He’s never been recommended this kind of video before. The thumbnail is light and bright with some pink aesthetic lights in the back. But the most enticing thing is the person in the middle, cute pink cat ear headphones on and a bright smile.

“Let’s see…” Sukuna mumbles to himself, mindlessly clicking the video. He hasn’t even read the title, he only clicked it because they were cute, and here he is nearly blinded by the bright setup they have.

“Hi everyone, it’s (Y/N) here and I’m really excited today! We’re going to be playing this new game I found!” Sukuna is immediately enraptured by the sound of your voice, watching how your face changes as you talk. His eyes drift off to the decor behind you, cute plushies and healthy plants, and some twinkling fairy lights. There’s books as well, and your chair is one of those ergonomic gamer chairs he has as well but in pink.

Sukuna watches the video dumbly, totally in the dark about whatever you’re doing, but loving it all the same. All he knows is that he likes the sound of your voice, and when you laugh and smile at a funny part in the game, it makes a light flush come to his cheeks.

It only takes one video for Sukuna to spiral into more of your content. He watches a video on your gaming setup, and he’s surprised that so much technology can come in pink. He watches a video on how you edit, a few of you cooking in your kitchen, and even a few vlog videos.

He quickly subscribes to your channel, and when you plug your social media, he immediately goes there. Pulling up your Instagram, he stares at your profile picture and almost audibly coos at you for being cute.

Your profile is just as cute as your videos are and Sukuna barely remembers to follow you before he’s going through your whole feed, liking every picture he sees. Sometimes he leaves comments, only one word though, ‘cute’. He’s never liked something so outright cute before, it wasn’t who he was and it definitely didn’t fit with his brand.

Falling asleep after following you on every platform, Sukuna wakes up thinking about you as well. And he also wakes up to hundreds of comments from all his accounts, bombarding him with questions and screenshots from last night.

‘SUKUNA WHY WOULD YOU LIKE THIS SHIT?!’

‘OMG Sukuna liked (Y/N)s posts!!’

‘Sukuna is so gross and toxic, you better stay away from (Y/N)!’

‘SUKUNA YOU GAY NOW’

‘EW why the fuck do you like this bitch?’

There were hundreds of comments that he waded through. Most were from his fans, expressing disgust at how many photos of yours he’d liked and wondering why he, Sukuna, most heterosexual alpha male on the planet, would like a pretty in pink Youtuber who had bubbly intros and whined when their animal crossing villagers wanted to move away.

Other comments were from your fans, some in awe that he would like you considering how much he said he hated overly cute things. Other fans expressed concern, worried what this might mean for their favorite Youtuber. Did Sukuna want to cause problems, potentially hurting you? He did have a reputation of bullying others, so this wasn’t far fetched.

Checking your Instagram, you didn’t make any comment about it. There wasn’t any update or anything, but on his end he was being tagged in endless Twitter threads with screenshots of him liking your posts and commenting under them.

“For fucks sake.” He grunted, clenching his phone in his hands. The amount of notifications he was getting were starting to upset him and he nearly threw his phone to get them to stop.

Ignoring his phone for the rest of the day, Sukuna went to the gym like he always did and trained with his clients. Some of them brought it up to him, asking him if he had a mind break last night and forgot what he was doing. Sending them harsh glares, Sukuna refused to talk about it.

“Oh my fucking god.” Sukuna nearly wailed when he got home, finally checking his phone. His name and yours had begun trending, and the hashtag #protect(Y/N) was also. Muttering angrily under his breath, Sukuna turned on Instagram live.

“Okay what the fuck!” He shouted, seeing the live become instantly flooded with people all screaming about you and him. “You’re all fucking annoying, you know that?” Glaring harshly at the camera, he read some of the comments that went by.

‘WHY’D YOU LIKE (Y/N)S POSTS FROM 2017’

‘Are you two secretly dating??’

‘COLLAB!’

“Who gives a shit why I liked their stuff, you’re a fucking weirdo for keeping track of me. And we aren’t secretly dating, dipshits.” Rolling his eyes, Sukuna scoffed as more comments came in begging for a collaboration. “And think about it you morons, why would we collab? Our shit is too fucking different, what would we even film about?”

Sukuna stayed on Instagram live for nearly an hour answering questions asking about you. Every time he had to answer that you weren’t secretly dating, he got a little more annoyed. Not at the comments themselves but at the fact that it was true; you didn’t even know he existed.

Ending the live in a huff, Sukuna didn’t feel any better than before, and it was made even worse by the fact that everything he said was being relayed to Twitter, and you were tagged in every tweet.

“These idiots!” Staring at his phone, Sukuna couldn’t believe what he was seeing. On your Instagram stories, you’d posted a q&a for your followers, and nearly all of the comments were about Sukuna.

“Hi everyone! No, me and Sukuna aren’t dating!” You said, laughing a little to ease how uncomfortable you were. “To be honest, I’ve never even heard of him before! As you know, my content is very...different from his, so our circles don’t exactly intersect. But I’m always happy to have new followers and potential friends!”

“Fuck me.” Sukuna groaned, cringing at how uncomfortable you looked having to address the sudden onslaught of questions. For once he wished he’d actually given a shit about his online presence, so that maybe one day your circles could intersect. He knew he scared you, he scared a lot of people, and this was just proof.

“Uh, Sukuna if you see this, hi it’s nice to meet you!” You said in the next slide, puffing out your cheeks and waving cutely at the camera. It made Sukuna blush, and he hated it. “Thank you for following me and liking my content! I was very surprised that you found me!”

“Of course I did, idiot, you’re fucking cute.” He muttered under his breath.

“I know a lot of people are asking for us to do a video together and I know our content is really different, so don’t feel pressured to respond or anything, but the offer is open! If you’d like, we can collab on something.”

“On what?” He asked like you were there.

“I cook sometimes, and I know you cook too! Maybe we can make a cooking video? You can teach me how to make healthy food or something!” Sukuna could tell a fake laugh when he heard one, and you definitely had one right now. “Anyways, thank you! Bye Sukuna!” But hearing you say his name cutely like that made him not care.

He nearly responded right away, accepting the collab offer now that you’d spoken about it, but he didn’t want to seem desperate. He watched through the rest of your Instagram stories, going back and replaying the parts where you talked about him over and over and his heart clenched every time when you said his name.

In the dead of night, Sukuna DM’s you after watching your latest video and leaving the simple comment ‘check your DM’s’.

“Fuck, what should I say?” He’s suddenly stumped as he looks at the keyboard. Typing and retyping a message, in the end all he can say is hi. He doesn’t expect a reply, ever, but when he gets a vibration on his phone two seconds later he jumps to read it.

(S/N): hi Sukuna! :)

(cursedgod): hey

Real fucking smart, repeating what he just said.

(S/N): is there something you wanted to talk to me about?

(S/N): I hope you haven’t been annoyed at all the notifications you’ve been getting!

(cursedgod): No it’s okay

(cursedgod): we can collab if you want

Good Sukuna, good. Play it cool, don’t let them know that your fingers are actually trembling because you’re nervous.

(S/N): do you want to?? I don’t want to pressure you! I know we’re pretty different haha

(cursedgod): yeah, let's do it. Cooking?

(S/N): sure!

Looking around his home, he was suddenly assaulted with the fact that he didn’t have any furniture. He barely had a proper bedroom, just a mattress on a bare frame and a dresser. His lounge room was the same with his computer setup in one corner and then nothing else. There was only a couch, a mounted TV and a fold out table and chairs for his dining room.

(cursedgod): I know a studio kitchen we can use, I’ll send you the address

Thank god he’d done promo work for a brand in a studio one day, otherwise he’d be fucked.

(S/N): awesome! I’m free next Saturday!

And just like that, it was a date. Well, a meeting. Sukuna knew it wasn’t a date, but his heart still thumped like it was one. Confirming the time, he ended the conversation with a curt goodbye and obsessed about it throughout the night.

When the day to meet you came, Sukuna nearly ran late trying to pick out his clothes. He’d never cared about looking good or presenting himself well in front of others, whatever version of him he turned up in was what they got. But for you, he wanted to try a little harder.

Waiting outside the studio space, Sukuna rubbed his hands together nervously. You’d messaged a day or two ago offering to put the video on your channel since it probably wouldn’t fit his aesthetic, so he didn’t have to bring his shitty camera equipment.

“S-sukuna?” Snapping his head up, Sukunas mouth fell open looking at your curious face a few feet away, an Uber driving off behind you. You were even cuter in person, just his fucking luck. How was he expected to act like a normal person when his recent obsession was here looking better than he could have imagined.

“Hi.” What comes out is a grunt, not the smooth word he’d hoped. He can see you eyeing him up, taking in all the thick and corded muscles of his body. It made his chest puff out a little, he worked hard for this physique and to have you so openly looking at him made him happy.

“It’s nice to meet you!” Sticking your hand out, you smiled politely at him.

“Same.” Shaking your hand with a firm grip, Sukuna could feel the difference in your palms. Yours was soft and nicely moisturized and he had callouses everywhere and a few cuts and scrapes.

Opening the door for you, Sukuna led you to the studio space he’d rented out. It was a clean and modern kitchen, not unlike his own, but it had appliances and looked actually lived in. Helping you set up a few camera angles, Sukuna felt a pang of nerves hit him in the stomach.

“Sukuna, can we take a picture together?” You asked before starting, and Sukunas brow furrowed deeply. Why would you want to take a picture with him? His expression must have scared you, because you quickly backtracked. “F-for promo for this video, on Instagram and stuff!”

“Sure.” God, did he feel bad or what. He shouldn’t have made that face at you, now you wouldn’t look him in the eye. Crouching down to get the right angle for you, Sukuna watched you pick a cute animal filter.

“Just do what I do.” Throwing up a peace sign, you cutely tilted your head from side to side and smiled. Sukuna tried to do the same but he looked awkward, and most of all he was blushing pretty bad.

You snapped a multitude of pictures, some at different angles and some with different filters, and in all of them Sukuna was blushing at least a little. He managed to smile more as it went on, even laughing at one of the filters.

“Thanks! I’m going to post these really quick and then we can get started!” Giving him a brief smile, you turned back to your phone and set about editing some of the pictures. Looking over your shoulder, Sukuna could see that he looked like a blushing high schooler meeting their idol for the first time and not a grown man.

Once the photos were posted and you tagged him in everything, it was time to start. Setting up your marks on the floor, you took a generous drink of water and cleared your throat.

“Are you ready for the intro? I’ll start it and introduce you, okay?” You’d actually prepared a script for yourself, and showed Sukuna as well.

“Okay.” Stepping in front of the camera, Sukuna bristled at feeling you so close to him. Your arm brushed his casually as you were fixing your shirt, and Sukuna was glad he’d worn his most expensive cologne for this.

“Hi everyone, welcome to today's video! As you know, I’m (Y/N), and today we have a special guest today!” Throwing your arms in the air, you motioned to Sukuna.

“Hi.” He nodded, barely cracking a smile. He could feel you looking at him like you wanted to say something, but he didn’t look.

“So, many people have been asking for us to do a collaboration and it’s finally here!” Clapping your hands lightly, you rocked on your heels and nudged his shoulder with yours. “Do you want to tell them what we’ll be doing today?”

“Uh-” The playful nudge you’d given him was enough to make Sukuna short circuit. “I-I-” He suddenly couldn’t remember how to speak. “Rice?”

“Let’s try that again.” You laughed. “Do you want to tell them what we’ll be doing today?” This time, you didn’t nudge him with your shoulder.

“We’re gonna…” the words were on the tip of his tongue, they wanted to come out and be spoken but he couldn’t do it.

“It’s okay, it’s okay!” Nodding reassuringly, you took a deep breath in and out, and Sukuna shakily copied. “One more try?” When he looked at you, Sukuna expected to see a hint of annoyance in your face, but there was none. You were just smiling softly at him, waiting for his answer.

“Yeah. I’ll uh, I’ll get it next time.” Stepping away from the camera, Sukuna took a drink of water and cleared his throat. Cracking the bones in his neck, he took a deep breath and came back. “Let’s do it.” No more fucking embarrassments.

“Do you want to tell them what we’ll be doing today?” You asked for the third time, slightly swaying your body side to side this time.

“We’re gonna make katsudon today.” Finally, the words he wanted to say came out.

“That’s right! As you can see, Sukuna is really fit!” You immediately hopped in, giving his arm a brief squeeze. “And he knows how to make a ton of healthy meals!”

“Mhmm.”

“So I asked if he could help teach me, and all of you at home, how to make it!” Smiling at the camera, you waited a few seconds before relaxing and turning it off. “Did you like that? We can refilm it if you want.”

“No, it’s okay.” Running a hand through his hair, he pointed to the bag of rice he’d brought. “Let’s get started on this shit.”

Taking fifteen minutes to film the two of you filling up the rice cooker, when it was over, you set about getting aesthetic shots of the other ingredients. Sukuna tried to seem casual off to the side on his phone, but he was really watching you.

Getting started on chopping the ingredients, Sukuna somehow managed to say the things he was supposed to without stuttering too badly. He was amazed that you could make the things he was doing sound so interesting, your narration as you held the camera and tried to do things yourself was impressive to the man that barely knew anything about cameras.

“Sukuna, I need help cutting the meat.” You whined, tapping the meat on the cutting board with a knife. “I don’t remember how you showed me.”

“Here.” Without thinking, Sukuan grabbed your hand with the knife in it and moved it for you. “You just have to move your wrist more, it’s not that hard.” Doing it a few times, when Sukuna felt your chest expand with air against his, that’s when he realized how close the two of you were. “S-sorry.” Immediately jumping back, he stared at the floor.

“Thanks!” Giving him a smile, you kept at it.

“I’ll fry the meat.” Stepping in as soon as you were done, Sukuna already had the hot oil ready. He was eager to cook and do something with his hands instead of - what he felt like - was awkwardly watching you off to the side.

“Okay!” Grabbing the camera, you focused on the pan. “You’re really good at this, Sukuna!”

“T-thanks.” Staring directly at the pan, Sukuna didn’t look away. Even with the hot oil popping up from the pan a few times and burning his fingers, he didn’t flinch at all.

“Ow!” But you did. Your hand had gotten too close, and when Sukuna flipped the meat, some of the oil had gotten on your hand.

“Shit.” Abandoning the pan, Sukuna was ready to drag you over to the sink for some cool water.

“I-it’s okay, it was only a little.” Shaking your stinging hand, you point to the food. “But I think the meat might burn.”

“Shit!”

Narrowly avoiding disaster with the meat, when it came time to cook the eggs, you made a joke about how you liked your eggs in the morning and Sukuna burnt them almost immediately. While not an overtly sexual comment, the implications of the words still affected him.

Somehow, he managed to make the dish come together and while his plated dish didn’t come out the best, yours looked at least halfway decent with overcooked meat and burnt eggs. The only things not messed up were the rice and vegetables, and even then Sukuna was surprised.

“We did it everyone, we made katsudon!” Holding up the bowls, you smiled big and nudged Sukunas shoulder again. “You saw we had a few mishaps along the way, but that’s okay, that’s what made it fun.”

“Yeah, it was fun.” Sukuna chuckled. Despite him being more nervous than he’d ever thought possible, he had fun cooking alongside you.

“Sukuna, will you try mine? I made it super pretty and everything.” Holding your dish up to him, Sukuna wasn’t expecting you to do that. Now he felt bad that his looked so ugly and like a teenaged boy made it; he almost said no.

Eating yours though, somehow it tasted better than he was expecting. It must have been how you prepared it, and the fact that you cared so much about the presentation. Eating it in silence, he let you eat in peace as well for a few minutes and compliment the food to the camera.

“Alright, that’s the end of the video!” Putting your bowl down, you turned to Sukuna. “I had so much fun today, thanks for filming this with me.” Now was his chance to make everything better. Putting his bowl down and bolstering himself with confidence, Sukuna threw his arm over your shoulder and pulled you close to him.

“Thank you (Y/N), I really did enjoy today. I hope we can film again soon!” He squeezed your shoulder and smiled really big at not only you but the camera as well. He knew he was blushing, he knew that even the tip of his nose was a nice rosy shade, but he didn’t care. If people teased him for it, then so be it. But he wanted you to know how he truly felt.

“R-really? You want to?” You asked, looking up at Sukuna from your place smooshed against his body.

“Really.”

“Aww, well you heard it here first everyone! Sukuna wants to shoot another video with me!” Clapping your hands a few times, you waved at the camera. “Okay, bye everyone!”

“Bye.” Sukuna waved too, waiting a few seconds before letting you go and turning off the camera.

“Sukuna, did you really mean it? You want to film another video with me?” You were in utter disbelief. All this time, he’d just seemed very standoffish, if not a little awkward around you. You were happy to film this video with him, he had way more followers than you and it would help boost both your channels, and to hear him say that just made it even better.

“Yeah, I was serious.” Sukuna spoke around stuffing his mouth with the food he still had left. He was more hungry than he thought, the nerves doing a good job of twisting his stomach during the video. Now that it’s over, he can finally relax.

“That makes me really happy.” Eating the rest of your food as well, you leant against the counter. “This is gonna sound kind of mean, but I was really scared to film with you today. I thought you were going to be really mean.”

“Shit, you did?” He grimaced, letting out a sigh. “Sorry I had you worried.” He could already imagine the comments you would get from his fans.

“It’s okay! You’re actually way nicer in person, I was surprised!”

“That’s good.”

“And you’re really buff, you have muscles in places I didn’t even know were possible!” You laughed bashfully at that comment, and avoided looking at him when he stared at you in shock. “I couldn’t help but notice…”

Were you checking him out? Had you been checking him out this whole time and he didn’t even realize? He had seen you eyeing him up when you first met, but were you looking at him like that at other times as well? Now he’d really have to watch your video to see if it was true.

“Thanks, it’s my job.” Could he have said that any lamer? “My job outside of all this, I mean. I’m a trainer at this fancy gym downtown.”

“Oh, I’ve seen some of your videos at your gym! I know which one you’re talking about.”

“You do? You’ve seen my videos?” If he wasn’t surprised before, he was now.

“Yeah, you know I had to do a little research beforehand.” You nodded, beginning to clean up the dishes around you. “And I know you’ve already watched almost all of my videos, so it only seemed fair.”

Did you have to bring that up? Now Sukuna was embarrassed again.

“Y-yeah, I did.” Clearing his throat, Sukuna helped gather the dishes. He took up washing them, another task he could do to get his mind off you. As you took down the camera equipment, he nearly broke several dishes and utensils from scrubbing too hard.

“I’ll call you an Uber.” He said when all was said and done and you were back at the front of the building.

“You don’t have to, it’s okay.”

“No, I want to.” Quickly calling you a ride, Sukuna fiddled with his phone a little more. “Uh, could I- could I-” His voice kept leaving him, and he had to cough a few times. “Can I get your number? I really liked your camera shit and I want to improve mine.” Okay, it wasn’t a total lie. He did like your setup and wanted to make his just as good, but he really wanted your number to potentially talk to you more about things outside of Youtube.

“Sure! Go ahead and type it in.” You were quick to give him your phone, a cute pink phone case on the back of it. Typing it in, he can’t help but notice the little devil emoji you add by his name. He wants to ask, but your ride is already pulling up.

“Bye!” Setting all your camera gear inside the car, you turn and wave goodbye.

“See ya.” Just as you’re about to close the car door, Sukuna gets a burst of confidence. “Text me when you get home, okay?”

“Okay!” And off you go. Sukuna watches the car drive off until he can’t see it anymore. He takes his time getting to his own place, eagerly awaiting your message with every step. But even when you do message him, all he can do is send a thumbs up back and nothing else.

It’s about two and a half days after that that you text him again, letting him know you’re done editing and that you’re going to post the video soon. It wasn’t a very long video to begin with, so the editing was simple enough. Sukuna replied with what appeared to be a lackluster ‘can’t wait’, but on the inside he was shaking. He’d already screenshot all the pictures the two of you took together and added them to a folder.

“Here we go.” As soon as the video went live, Sukuna watched it. He was mortified as soon as it started at the blush so evident on his cheeks, and how it stayed throughout the whole thing. He groaned at the part where he helped you cut up the meat, he almost wishes you’d cut it out. Every little detail that made him embarrassed was there, every little nuance of his actions you’d managed to capture and make it cute.

(Y/N): How do you like it??

You texted him after twenty minutes, eager to hear his thoughts.

(Sukuna): it’s good, good editing and stuff

(Y/N): yay! I’m going to read comments in a few hours, you should too! I bet people will be really shocked!

(Sukuna): yeah no doubt

Oh, he was definitely going to read the comments. Whereas you were going to wait for a fair few to come in before commenting, Sukuna frequently refreshed the page and read the new ones as they came in. You were right, a lot of people were surprised, but he also saw a lot of his fans as well.

‘Ew Sukuna really cooked for that bitch? They can’t do it themselves?’

‘Yeah, why do they have to rely on him? Useless as fuck lol’

‘Sukuna only did this to get laid, (Y/N) looks like an easy fuck’

All of those comments, and many more, made his blood boil. Usually, he wouldn’t care at all about the comments, letting them fester in his comment section and spiral out of control. But for you, it was different.

‘Fuck off and die you pieces of shit. Leave (Y/N) alone or say it to my fucking face’

Sukuna sent that message, along with a variety of other threats, to all the people that insulted you. He didn’t care that this wasn’t his channel and that you would deal with it in whatever way you wanted to. He needed to defend you against the unwanted audience he’d brought you.

Luckily, after seeing Sukunas messages, all of his fans backed off. They knew how serious he was about his threats and there were many rumors that he actually did go and beat people up who said things he didn’t like. No one wanted to be on the receiving end of his torment.

With Sukunas name attached to the video and his heavy presence in the comment section, the video easily went viral. It was easily the most viewed video on your channel, getting on the trending pages of several different platforms.

(Sukuna): hey

It’s nearly a week after the first video that Sukuna messages you, and the hype is still going strong, and your follower count grows greatly from it.

(Y/N): hi! What’s up?

(Sukuna): do you want to film a video for my channel now? We can play a game, I have a few

(Y/N): sure that sounds fun!

Oh how wrong you were. The game Sukuna chose was a scary game, a shooter game with scary zombies and a lot of possible jumpscares. He doesn’t tell you either, so on the night of filming - he insisted on it being nighttime to get the full scary effect - you were caught off guard.

“I don’t know about this.” You whined once you saw the title. The two of you were video calling alongside playing the game together, and Sukuna’s eyes flicked to your figure on the screen.

“It’ll be okay, I’ll carry you, don’t worry.” He had started filming as soon as he’d set up the game, and you were filming yourself as well for him.

“You promise it won’t be too scary?”

“If it’s too scary just close your eyes and I’ll protect you.” Smiling softly at you, he started up the game. The beginning was fine, just a quick introduction to the game, but as soon as things started to get moving, you were scared.

“Sukuna a zombie is eating me!” You screamed, frantically pushing buttons in an attempt to get it off.

“It’s okay!” He quickly got rid of it, and made sure to stay close to your character as the story progressed.

“(Y/N) stay by me, there’s about to be a whole lot of them.”

“Close your eyes there’s about to be a jump scare here.”

“Don’t worry about getting that item, I’ll grab it for you!”

Sukuna nearly forgot he was being filmed, saying sweet things to you to help encourage you and make sure you weren’t overwhelmed. There were many parts where you screamed in fright and Sukuna was there to coo at you and tell you it was okay. He made sure that your character never died, making sure to keep you close until the end of the game.

“Sukuna, that was so hard!” Squishing your cheeks in your hands, you looked at him through your phone.

“It was fun though, wasn’t it? I had fun with you.” Completely abandoning the game, he stared down at his phone with a soft smile on his face.

“Yeah, when there weren’t so many zombies.” You stuck your tongue out at him, and it made him laugh. Leaning his head into his hand, Sukuna grinned when you yawned.

“Aw, are you tired? Better go to sleep soon.” His voice dropped to a lower volume, like you were right next to him.

“I will.” You yawned again and it made Sukuna yawn as well.

“Get off the phone and go to bed, you’re making me tired too.”

“Fine.” Whining out the word, you waved sleepily. “Goodnight Sukuna, I’ll send you the video files in the morning, okay?”

“Night.” Waving back, Sukuna waited until you hung up to turn his stuff off as well.

In the morning, Sukuna was ready to edit. What usually took him a week to edit out of laziness, he took only a day to edit this video with you together. Rewatching the footage, he nearly gagged at seeing how soft his face got when he looked at you, and most of those parts were left in because he couldn’t stand to watch them and fix them.

(Sukuna): videos up

The next day, he messaged you. Once again Sukuna patrolled the comments, swiftly deleting any that said even a hint of a bad thing about you. There was less this time, what with Sukuna adding a warning at the beginning of the video threatening anyone that talked down at you.

This video, like the first, went viral. But for a much different reason. Since Sukuna was emotionally unable to deal with how sappy he was and edit those parts out, everyone got to see how soft he was for you. If the comments weren’t mean, they were screaming about how you and Sukuna must be dating now, because why else would he look at you and talk to you like that?

And much to Sukuna’s dismay, there were also fancam edits of you two together. Any clippable moment of him being sweet on you in the videos you’d made together along with the photos you’d posted on Instagram were edited together and posted on Twitter. You both were tagged in every single one, making sure Sukuna saw all the videos of you and him together. He saved all of them too, delighting in the way you looked with him with all those pretty filters.

By the end of the day, people were trying to put a ship name together for the two of you and he’s seen you repost a few fancams with cute messages of thanks as well. Seeing you receptive to the fans screaming about the two of you made him happy, even if he was still too nervous to text you about anything outside of Youtube.

As more comments came in, people on Twitter were begging him to do a vlog with you. You had quite a few on your channel, going to cafes or filming what your day or week was like. Sukuna had watched them all and was jealous of every single person that appeared alongside you.

(Y/N): hey I’m doing a live on Instagram if you want to join me! I know people really like us together lol it’ll be great for views

(Sukuna): sure

Did you want him to join now? He’d just gotten out of the shower and thrown on a pair of sweats, he wasn’t exactly decent. But he didn’t want to waste time getting ready only for you to end the live.

“Hi Sukuna!” You smiled and waved when he appeared on the screen.

“Hey.” He waved back, not caring about the angle he was holding the camera in. He saw hearts begin to fill up the screen and comments started to fly by, almost all in caps about the fact he was shirtless talking to you.

“Guys, don’t be weird! Who cares that Sukuna is shirtless?” You tried to stop them, but it was clear you were flustered as well. You weren’t looking at him, peeking at him through the screen a few times.

“God you’re all thirsty as fuck.” Sukuna finally looked at himself on the screen. He was shirtless and in bed, hair slightly damp and tousled on his pillow. Reading a few comments, he shot up. “Of course I’m wearing pants, you nasty fuck!” Storming out of bed, he stood in front of the only mirror in his house that wasn’t in the bathroom and turned the camera around. “See, look!”

“Oh.” Gasping softly, you were glad Sukuna didn’t notice you screenshot the live. Clad in only gray sweatpants, Sukuna’s freshly cleaned skin gleamed in the light of his bedroom and every single muscle and edge of his body was on display.

“There, told you I wasn’t fucking naked.” Rolling his eyes, he flopped back down on the bed. None of the comments had gotten any better, all of them talking about how hot he was and how you were so lucky to know him in real life.

“L-let's talk about something else.” You stammered, not showing your face on camera for a few minutes. Sukuna laughed at the comments teasing you for being embarrassed, agreeing with some of them under his breath.

“So, what the fuck are you all doing here?” Sukuna posed the question at the chat, but at you as well.

“Well before you came everyone was talking about you...and you know how everyone has been begging for us to vlog?” You started off slowly, peeking an eye at his face.

“Yeah?”

“I wanted to call you to ask how you felt about that?” How he felt? Why did you want to know?

“You couldn’t have texted me that?” That wasn’t necessarily what he wanted to say, but it made you chuckle, so it was okay.

“No! I wanted to ask so everyone could know!”

“I don’t mind it.” If you wanted to vlog with him, he would do it in a heartbeat.

“So…” Worrying your lip, you looked off camera for a few seconds before looking directly at Sukuna. “Would you like to be in a vlog with me, at a cafe? It’s outside the city, kind of far, but we can rent a car or-”

“Yes.” Sukuna interrupted, nodding his head quickly. “I’ll come. We don’t have to rent a car, I’ll drive.”

“Really?” The comments were just as shocked as you were. Sukuna never filmed anywhere but his home and the gym, this would be a monumental occasion.

“Did you want me to say no?”

“No!” You screamed immediately, nearly dropping your phone. “I just- I wasn’t expecting you to say yes!”

“Well I did.” Sukuna bit his lip, running a hand through his hair and flexing his arm. “So I guess it’s a date, huh?” His normal asshole confidence was back now that you were appearing through a screen and not right next to him. A surprised sound came from the back of your throat, and you nearly dropped the phone again.

“Y-yeah! A date!” It felt good to have you flustered for once and not Sukuna. Laughing heartily at you, Sukuna smirked at the comments.

“Was that all you wanted to ask me or was there something more?”

“No, that was it!”

“Alright.” Licking his lip and letting his tongue hang out of his mouth a little, Sukuna watched you bite your lip as well. “Well I’m gonna go, I got stuff to do, but I’ll text you later (Y/N).” Dropping his voice as he said goodbye, Sukuna left the livestream.

“Holy fuck.” As soon as his phone was off, Sukuna let out a breath he’d been holding in. His heart was pounding hard despite how confident he was in his actions. Flirting was nothing new to him, but with you it felt different and like he’d never done it before in his life.

He watched the rest of your livestream while he finished getting ready for bed, laughing at the comments still teasing you about getting flustered with him. The notifications for Twitter were going off as well, and he knew for sure that there were new fancams for him to check out later.

(Y/N): Sukuna!! You’re so embarrassing!

Texting him after your stream, your cheeks were still burning at the memory.

(Sukuna): hey, you said it would be good for views and it was

(Y/N): I know…

(Y/N): did you really mean it, about coming with me?

(Sukuna): of course. If I didn’t want to I would have said no

(Y/N): that’s good lol!

There was a lull in conversation, and Sukuna nearly fell asleep waiting for you to either text him again or for him to figure out what to say next.

(Y/N): so, a date huh? Are you going to bring me flowers?

Now he was awake. He didn’t expect you to bring that up again, and his eyes flew open. Sukuna’s fingers hovered over the keyboard, mind going blank on what to say.

(Y/N): lol just kidding! I know you only said that for the stream! I’ll text you later about the details, I’m about to knock out

(Y/N): goodnight :)

Well shit. Now he definitely wanted it to be a date.

#jujutsu kaisen #ryomen sukuna #sukuna x reader #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen scenarios

[canary3d-obsessed]

Tutorial: Batch Creating Animated Gifs in Adobe Premiere

I figured out how to make gifs with Adobe Premiere and the results, surprisingly, do not suck ass. 

Here’s a gif from photoshop. No effects or lighting etc, just resized to 540 width and exported with Selective Color & Diffusion chosen for export settings.

Here’s the same clip done with Premiere + Media Encoder, bypassing Photoshop entirely. I used the Animated Gif preset when exporting, and only changed the size.

They look pretty much the same to me, which is not something I’ve found from experiments in previous years. Edit after multiple additional experiments: the quality is not predictable.  Premiere offers no options for dither or optimization of your gifs, so based on lighting, how strong your highlights are, etc, you can get results that have a lot of artifacts; dark indoor scenes with brightly lit actors seem especially bad. I’m finding about half of my gifs look good, and half have annoying white dots in them. 

But this is all so fast that it’s worth doing anyway; worst case I’ve done my lighting mods in premiere, which is fast, and just have to export half of the mp4′s from photoshop for proper diffusion.

Why Use Cruel, Unfriendly Premiere? 

Premiere has a steep learning curve, but it is full of good features. Good-quality batch GIF exporting is basically the holy grail of gif-related features, at least when your hobby is making giant shitposts full of gifs.

You also can use Premiere to apply the same lighting effects and whatnot to a series of clips. That’s a bit more advanced than this here tutorial, however. This here tutorial will show you everything you need to click in order to clip and export gifs from Premiere, without learning anything else about it.

Version 

This tutorial is for Adobe Premiere 2021, Version 15.1.0, released around April 2021 and Media Encoder 2021, also version 15.1.0. It should be the same or similar for any newer versions, but older versions may not have these functions. Or they might have them but produce terrible gifs.

The Illustrated Steps Are Behind A Cut Because I’m Not An Asshole

The Steps

Note: These gifs are generally cropped to the relevant part of the workspace only, so you can see what I’m clicking.

1. Open a new file in Adobe Premiere and save it to somewhere sensible, not the stupid location that Premiere thinks you want to save files in. You’ll probably never open this file again once you’re done exporting, but you should still save it in case the power goes out while you’re clipping. 

2. Switch to the Assembly workspace.

3. Right-click in in the media area and choose import media, or just drag an MP4 in from your file browser. 

4. Drag the media to the timeline. 

5. Unlink the audio and delete it, since it’s not needed for giffing.  

5. Pick up the razor (Keyboard shortcut C) and get cutting. Go to the frame AFTER the break point, then cut on the line. You can use the right and left cursor keys to move between frames one at a time, if you don’t want to use the mouse to click like I’m doing here. 

Use the bar at the bottom of the timeline to adjust its scale while you work. This only affects the visual interaction with the timeline, not the clip timing. 

6. After you’ve snipped stuff, pick up your pointer (Keyboard shortcut V) to select individual clips. Delete the clips you don’t want by selecting them and clicking the delete key. 

7. If you don’t like gaps, choose “close gap” from the Sequence menu. 

For individual gaps (or clips) you can right click on a gap and choose “ripple delete” which deletes the gap and moves the next clip into place. 

You don’t strictly need to know how to close gaps in order to make gifs, but if you want to combine two into one, this is useful.

The Magical Command

In order for it to export your clips correctly as single files, instead of as one big file, here’s the trick: 

8. Use the “Make Subsequence” command. You have to do this individually for each clip that you want to batch export. Select the clip, right-click, and choose “make Subsequence.” (Note: earlier versions call this “nested sequence”)

You can also combine two clips into one by selecting them together and making them a subsequence.

9. To speed things up, define a hotkey for this command.

Here’s how fast it goes when you have a hotkey.

Export

10. When you’re done making subsequences, select all of the subsequences in the media area. That means all of the items in the media area except the first item (which is the original video file) and the second item (which is the entire timeline).  Right-click and choose “Export Media.”

11. In the Export dialog, choose the “Animated Gifs” format - but don’t take the original resolution, because that will be huge. Set it to whatever you want it to be. Tumblr compression currently (in 2021) likes things to be 540 pixels wide. You can tweak a lot of other settings if you’re feeling adventurous.

12. Once you have your settings the way you want them for exporting, before you do anything else, save an export preset with these tweaks that you can use next time. Note: The preset will save the height as well as the width, so you can only use it unaltered if the next project has the same aspect ratio. 

13. Click “Queue” to send everything to Media Encoder for baking. Always use “queue” instead of direct export, even if you’re only exporting one clip. (With multiple clips, queue is the only option). 

Premiere seems to forget my export settings if I export directly from Premiere, but if I choose “queue” it hands everything off cleanly to Media Encoder. 

14. Hop over to Media Encoder (it will autolaunch when you click Queue). You can change the export location of the files here by right-clicking the file names in the queue. Even better, you can tell Media Encoder to always export things to the same folder, so that Premiere’s save location doesn’t affect it. Go to Edit menu --> Preferences to set this up.

15. Once the queue is loaded up in Media Explorer, click the green “play” icon to export the clips. 

You can also set ME preferences to automatically run the queue after x minutes if you, like me, frequently forget to click “play” after queuing things.  

16. While the queue is running, go back to Premiere and do another export; this time use the H.264 encoding preset to export (via the M.E. queue) a set of full-size MP4′s. 

This way if any of your gifs look bad, you can use the MP4′s in photoshop to make better ones, or just store them for later adventures. 

And that’s it! Happy giffing!

Bonus: Look at these dorks

#tutorial #canary3d-original #gifmaking #with a little wenzhou as a treat #adobe premiere

[jean-kayak]

Chapter 1

Summary: A relaxing summer at home after your second year of college sounds nice, until someone comes back and makes it anything but

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x black!fem!reader

Chapter Warnings: cursing, a lot of sexual tension lmao

Word Count: 2139

A/N: Alright, here it is! I’ve been working on this for a while now, if you’ve been following my shitposts, and I’ve been really nervous to post it, so I would like to thank @styxtm​ for reading this chapter and giving me the confidence to post it! Hope you guys like it!

Tags: @her-majesty-kiara, @germfart3​, @styxtm​, @iwascrybaby​​

Chapter summary: Someone you’d never thought you’d see again literally walks back into your life

"When are you gonna be done? It's hot as fuck out here," you complain, waving a hand in front of your face, but it doesn't anything to cool you down, instead spreading the humid, sticky air across your face.

You hear Jean groan as you set down the tray of nails you have in your hands on the ground, throwing your hair up in a bun, getting the curls off of your neck. "Stop complaining. It's not even that bad."

"You chose to build a storage unit during one of the hottest days so far in the summer," you respond, and he just chuckles as he blindly holds his hand out. You pick through the different pieces, finding the one he needs before dropping it into his hand.

"My mom wanted it built, and my stepdad's been too busy, so I offered to do it."

"You offered to do it. I just came over here to hang out," you say, sighing heavily as you rest a hand on your hip.

You've been best friends with Jean since you were kids, growing up in the same neighborhood, literally living right next to each other, and when you graduated high school, you both ended up going to different colleges.

You had decided to stay on your college campus for the summer after your freshman, not ready to go back home yet. Now your sophomore year of college is over, and both you and Jean ended up coming back home to do who knows what, but ever since you both have come back, you've either been over his house or vice versa.

Both of your parents always joked about how it seemed like you two were separated at birth, constantly attached at the hip, and sometimes it really does feel like he's a brother to you. He was always there for you when your other friends weren't, and since you were an only child, he saved you multiples from boredom due to not having anyone to spend time with.

"I'm almost done, I just need you to help me hold this last wall." You walk over to where he's standing, resting your back against the wall as he screws in the last few nails. "Okay, I think that's it," he says, and you both walk back as you take in the new building.

You both tilt your head, the building finally seeming to stand upright. "How'd you manage to make it slanted?" you ask, and Jean sighs as he lets his head fall back in annoyance.

"I don't know," he says, looking through the instructions, and you look to your left as you scoff lightly.

"Well, those look like the foundation pieces," you comment, pointing to the plates that the building is supposed to be on top of. "You did good though, I just don't know how long the building will last."

"Whatever, I'm done. It's hot," he sighs and you bristle as you both start walking towards his house.

"Says the one who said it wasn't even that bad," you argue, and he waves you off.

"That's because the clouds were providing shade." You huff lightly at his weak counter.

"Yeah, okay." Your body nearly goes limp as you feel the cool air wrap around your body when you step into the house, Jean sliding the patio door closed, cutting off the stifling heat. You plop down on the loveseat, sinking down into the plush leather as it cools your heated skin.

"Heads up." You open your eyes in time to see Jean throwing you a bottle of water, and you catch it easily, opening it as he sits down on the couch. "What else are you planning on doing this summer?"

You shrug lazily. "I don't know. Party?" you try, and he raises an eyebrow at you.

"You want to spend the whole summer partying?"

"There's nothing else to do, and Ymir always finds the best parties." You had been friends with her since high school and by your senior year, you were joining her at a different party almost every other weekend. You wouldn't really say it was the best time of your life, but it definitely gave you a distraction from the current dilemma you were having at the time. "Pretty sure there'll be one soon since everyone's coming back. Unless you have any better ideas."

"I guess I'll go to a few, but I don't--"

The sound of the front door opening and an awfully familiar voice cuts Jean off. "Damn, it feels good in here." The dilemma walks into the living room, stopping when he sees you and Jean. "Oh, shit, what're you doing here?"

"At my house? I could ask you the same thing," Jean shoots back at his brother, and you feel a strong urge to leave, running back to your own house. "I thought you were staying in that city, why are you here, Eren?"

Eren fucking Jaeger. The stubborn dilemma you had to deal with all of your life, but it especially got worse to deal with once you got to high school. Probably the textbook definition of a bad boy, the sleeves of tattoos you can see on his arms and the piercings solidify it.

Oh, and he's also your best friend's older step-brother.

He shrugs. "Dunno. Guess I just wanted to come back, glad I did though." You look away when you see him smirk, knowing that last bit was geared towards you.

You stand up quickly, drinking some water in hopes that it hides your nerves well. "I'm starving. You got any food?" you ask Jean as you walk towards the kitchen, purposefully walking the long way so that you don't have to go anywhere near him.

"I don't know, you can look," he calls after you, and you can feel Eren's eyes on you as you walk, suddenly feeling very naked in your shorts and cropped tank top.

When you're in the safety of the kitchen and you hear the conversation between the siblings start, you sigh heavily as you rest your head against the counter. Of course, it would be just your fucking luck that he would come back.

You groan softly in frustration as you lift your head up and grab an orange, peeling it a little more aggressively than you should as you hop onto the counter. You huff slightly as you put a slice into your mouth. This is a total wreck in your plans.

To anyone else, it wouldn't seem like a big deal, but your history with Eren isn't the greatest. Maybe starting with the fact that you started to have a crush on him which ended up only blossoming once you got to high school. And the worst part was that everyone knew it. You know they did, but it's not like you were discreet about it.

You were just a naive teenager that was stupid enough to fall? Maybe not fall for him, but you definitely were stupid enough to think that he could possibly be into you.

Your inner turmoil is only fueled when he walks into the kitchen, you failing to notice that the conversation had stopped. You look down at your legs, swinging them as you continue to eat the orange, trying to focus on anything but the suffocating awkward tension in the room.

You can see him lean against the counter across from the one your sitting on, crossing his foot over his ankle. When you find yourself staring at his thighs and how tight his shorts are, you quickly look away. "So, how ya been?" he asks, and you find yourself rolling your eyes at his poor attempt to make small talk.

"Good," you answer, not even looking up, patting a simple rhythm on your thigh, his strong gaze on you making you feel some type of way. "College was fun," you add.

You hear him chuckle softly. "Yeah? Looks like it treated you really good."

You feel your face flush warm as you look up, and you hate your body still reacts the same way it did years back. It's your turn to take him in, and you bite your lip hesitantly, noticing that college treated him very well.

He does more than fill out his clothes, they're practically like a second skin the way they stretch out over his body. Your eyes trail over his inked arms, trying to make out everything that you can see. He's grown his hair out, it's longer now, opting for putting his hair up in a high bun, the silver piercings shining in the light when he turns his head slightly. Your eyes catch the simple gold chain around his neck, and you realize that you've been staring for too long.

"So, what are you doing here?" you ask, and you're genuinely asking because according to Jean, he wasn't supposed to be here, and you thought this summer was going to be smooth sailing.

"A little birdie told me that you were here, so..." he trails off with a shrug, and you squint your eyes at him.

"So, you came back just for me?"

"What if I told you I did?" You scoff as you toss the orange peel in the trashcan, putting the last two slices in your mouth.

"I would tell you," you start, finishing the slices. "That you're ridiculous." He hums as he smiles at you, moving away from the counter, standing in front of you.

"So, what's the deal with you and my brother anyway?" he questions suddenly, and you shake your head slowly.

"You mean like if I like him or something?" You scoff. "He's my best friend, and he's into someone else anyway."

He nods, his eyebrows creasing as he thinks. "Oh, yeah. That Mikasa chick, right? She's kinda hot."

"What do you want, Eren?" Now you're getting annoyed, and you hate how you feel that tiny fire of jealousy burning in your chest at his comment. He moves closer to you, and you don't even realize that your legs spread to fit his frame.

"There's a lot of things I want," he answers, resting his hands dangerously close to your thighs on the counter.

"Is one of those things to annoy the hell out of me?" you joke, and he chuckles as he nods his head.

"Maybe. That's one."

"A lot of people don't get what they want."

You feel your breathing hitch when he leans in closer to you, close enough that you can feel his breath fanning over your face. "I got all summer to get what I want."

You gulp harshly as you find it difficult to tear your eyes away from his. "What is it?" you ask, your voice a lot more airy than you want it to be.

He tilts his head to the side like he's thinking as you try to find a way out of this situation. "It's more of a who than an it," he tells you, and try to slow your breathing which you didn't even realize had picked up. That's how much of an effect he has on you, and you hate it.

"Well, I hope you get who you're looking for," you respond, but he doesn't move when you shift.

"Eren, leave her alone, she doesn't want anything to do with you," Jean yells from the living room, but Eren's eyes never leave yours as he grins.

"I think you beg to differ," he whispers, and you scoff.

"You would be terribly wrong." And it really is hard to lie when your body is screaming the truth.

"I would?" he questions, keeping his voice low, and you glance to your right, seeing that Jean can't see into the kitchen, and you jump when he pulls you into him by your thighs. Your lower half is touching him, and if you move your legs, they'll tighten around his waist, so you don't move. "You're not a very good liar," he says, his lips just in front of yours, so close that if you even lean in a smidge, you'd be kissing him.

"And that means?"

"Getting you right where I want you won't take all summer." Your mouth falls open slightly as your body goes warm all over. You need to get out of here before you do something you shouldn't.

"Eren, what the hell are you doing?" Eren gives you a wink before he moves away from you.

"Nothing, man. Just making small talk." He crosses his arms as he leans back against the counter, and you find yourself glued to your spot before your brain tells you to move, hopping off the counter, not giving him another look as you walk out of the kitchen, feeling his gaze burning into you.

So much for a relaxing summer.

|Masterlist|Chapter 2|

Taglist: CLOSED

#nothing changed #eren jaeger #eren yaeger #eren jaeger x reader #eren yaeger x reader #eren jaeger x you #eren yaeger x you #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction

[phoenixyfriend]

Yet Another “Deidara is Related to Naruto” Fic Concept

Okay so you know how Deidara is the only person in canon to share Naruto and Minato's highlighter yellow hair? And there's all those fics where Dei is Naruto's half brother?

So let’s flip that a bit.

(Once again with help from @firebirdeternal​)

Thought being this: Minato was an Iwa infiltrator's mission baby, and Dei is Minato's ludicrously younger half-sibling who ends up in Minato's care for hand-wave reasons.

Ends up screwing the whole plot because Minato and his team have to pass on the Kannabi mission due to Infant Acquisition.

(Minato having to deal with "Explosions!" the Toddler is... really funny. Kakashi and Obito don't have a Dramatic Death-based falling out they just have to bond over babysitting the world's least safe child.)

I have two (2) ideas on how Deidara ends up in Minato's care. One is more of a shitpost than the other.

We’ll start with the Serious Drama idea.

There was an Iwa nin that went undercover in Konoha at some point, slept around a bit, got someone pregnant, and dipped before they had to take responsibility. Said Iwa nin was aware of the kid, but also like. Undercover. And also a dick. And like sixteen.

Anyway, Minato's mom never told him about his dad beyond "he was a jerk who ditched us, I don't have photos," and then died on a mission when Minato was relatively young, so Minato didn't know just WHERE his dad was from.

Fast forward a solid twenty-five years or so, and that Iwa nin has gotten married. Iwa nin is now early forties, married a somewhat younger woman (thirties), and caused a pregnancy, this time with the intent to stick around.

Unfortunately, Iwa nin is a shitty husband, and his wife only realizes this most of the way into the pregnancy, and can't just divorce him, because she's clan (the husband is not), and that sort of thing has Social Consequences. So she does something risky... and fakes her death.

And then proceeds to go to Konoha, because she knows about Minato, even saw a pic and got his name once because her husband got a little tipsy once and talked about it, and admitted that he'd gotten a buddy in infiltration to snap a photo a few years back.

And so Deidara's mom sneaks her way across the continent, and dies shortly before or after arriving in Konoha. It’s somewhere the dad won't follow if he realizes she's alive, and because what little she's heard about Minato at that point is generally not terrible. The war hasn't ramped up enough for him to pull The Bullshit, so all she has is the info that the infiltration buddies got her husband.

Definitely lives long enough to provide a name and basic info on who the relative is, but dies before Minato gets back from a mission.

Alternately, Jiraiya is the one who does the intelligence legwork necessary to figure out all the connections and then drops Baby Deidara in Minato's lap because Family is Important to orphans like them but then also does nothing to help because he is Jiraiya.

AND NOW THE CRACK OPTION

So most of the How Babies Happen backstory is technically the same, but Deidara arriving in Konoha is not an intentional situation, but rather a sealing mishap.

As one does.

Kushina just wanted to use a seal to locate other Uzumaki survivors and Minato figured he'd test it first since his chakra is less volatile and whoops.

Minato: Hey, maybe I'll find out who my dad is!

The seal was supposed to just give them a general direction and distance. Like "36.2 miles, 32.3 degrees east of north. 73.9 miles, 2.5 degrees south of west." etc

It was not supposed to reverse summon An Entire Baby.

Note, Deidara’s exploding chakra is a kekkei genkai that I'm saying he got from his mom because Minato doesn't have it, but the hands are likely the kinjutsu. That said, I want Minato to be like "Ah. Hand mouths. That's... can someone get Tsunade please?"

Kushina: I'm not an expert on babies, so I could be wrong, but is this normal??

Kushina: I deeply hope that was a thing the baby already had before we accidentally pulled it through seal-space.

Kushina: His hair is like yours? Maybe he's like a cousin or a nephew? Minato: I guess??? Should. Should we figure out how to send him back? His parents must be freaking out. Kushina: Uhhhhhhh [handwave reason to keep the baby]

The scene HAS TO boil down to Kushina going "Wait shit are we parents now?"

Minato: No! I mean, I--I want to, yes, eventually, but I wasn't planning on anything this soon and really we should get married first and also I think this is technically my brother and--

I had two ideas for why they wouldn’t immediately try to send Dei back, and Birdie offered one, but here’s the best option IMO.

Deidara's chakra blows up the seal before they can figure out how to reverse what they did. Before they can even analyze what went wrong.

They kept notes but something something spilled ink idk. They gotta start from scratch.

Equally likely: They kept notes but they're basically grad students and those notes were all done in a caffeine-fueled 36-hour Coding Binge and literally not even Master-Sealer-Master-Codebreaker Jiraiya can decipher what the fuck they were doing, let alone them.

Frankly they just can't unscramble this egg so they have to just Do Their Best

They have to get a blood test done by Tsunade or Oro to figure out who this kid even is. The hair helps but??? Whomst are you, child?

And then Jiraiya's like 'Yeah, I know those hands. Kid's from Iwa.'

And the war’s already underway so they can’t admit to accidentally stealing an Iwa child.

There's not really a way to say "Hey we accidentally kidnapped this baby" and still save political face because nobody is going to believe it was an accident anyways so? I guess we just have this baby now.

Probably there’s a name tag on his shirt or something so he’s still Deidara.

Kushina: Minato, seriously, you're old enough to be the baby's dad, just have him call you tou-chan. Minato: But!!! Kushina: We can make Uzumaki babies later, take care of your technically-brother baby now.

Naruto is born and Kushina's just like "How strong are your family's hair genes???"

Technically-uncle Deidara who is like Naruto's older brother is going to be the worst influence on the Chaos baby.

Never let Obito babysit.

Naruto: I want to do pranks. Deidara: I want to explosions. Obito: Seems reasonable. Let's do it!

Anyway, Obito and Deidara never know what kind of ‘friendship’ they had in the other timeline.

Meanwhile, Rin is so ready to help, like she’s not exactly a huge fan of babies or kids, not like Obito is, but she is determined to help and keeps looking up child growth charts and stuff.

Kakashi is terrified that he’s going to break a baby.

Kakashi does not want to hold the baby.

Kakashi does not want to be in the same room as the baby.

Kakashi is going to sit on the outside wall with a sword and make sure nobody hurts the baby, but he will not go near the baby.

Deidara’s like four years older than Naruto and probably Kushina has him hang out with Itachi since Kushina visits Mikoto so often and Mikoto’s already had her first.

Deidara does not like Itachi.

It’s fine.

Being a 'new dad' doesn't excuse Minato from being involved in the war effort but it does change his schedule up enough to miss Kannabi and I stand by this.

#Deidara #Namikaze Minato #Uzumaki Kushina #Jiraiya #MinaKushi #Naruto #adoption #sealing accidents #accidental baby acquisition #Uchiha Obito #Hatake Kakashi #Nohara Rin #Phoenix Posts

[bringingglory]

@eerna oh my god acshdgagaahhdvsahsv I never expected you to see my post, so I won't lie, I feel like super embarrassed acsgsga

anyway! not gonna lie, this wip has been sitting in my drafts for months now because I wanted to see if I could plan stuff but then I got stuck because Details are hard to figure out BUT I did write out a few scenes, so I'll put them below the cut because they're kind of long. the first one is the "opening" of the fic and the second one is a sort of reimagining of the Silent Princess memory. i have a few other scenes sort of scribbled out, but these are the most "polished" of the stuff i've written alsdkfjasdfk

the opening lol

Link wakes to a faint buzzing in his ear that sends little darts of pain shooting through his skull. He waits for it to end, and when it doesn’t he groans and rolls over, smacking the space around him to find whatever was making that noise and make it shut up. He can’t fathom why his brain is rolling through his skull like that and why there’s an intense pressure behind his eyes, but when he rolls onto his side, he has to press a hand to his abdomen to settle whatever was sloshing around inside his stomach.

Ah. He’s hungover.

Link peels open his eyes and the light sends a fresh wave of pain ricocheting through his skull. He blinks once, twice, and then forces his eyes open to find a phone the size vibrating against the ground a few inches away from his hand.

Link groans and pushes himself up to a sitting position before grabbing the phone and dismissing the alarm. When the phone falls silent in his hands, he finally looks around and tries to assess the situation.

He’s sitting in a bathtub, the porcelain slightly damp from what he hopes is just water. His shirt smells vaguely of cheap vodka and he still can barely look at the sunlight streaming through the window without wincing.

A moment later, he realizes the phone in his hands isn’t his.

Link holds the phone up to his face and rubs the grogginess from his eyes. He swipes up on the screen, surprised that it isn’t protected by a password.

The phone is open on note in the notes app, and it reads:

link, if you’re reading this right now, im so sorry for leaving you in the tub like that!!! my dad’s supposed to come home from the office today and the document case i was telling you about is missing and he cant know i lost it. i know we just started getting along, and im so sorry to ask you this, but could you find the document case? impa’s in my contacts and she can help you. also you have permission to dig through my phone, just dont judge me if i have anything embarrassing on there. can you find the file by midnight? his flight leaves at 3 and i can stall him until then.

it’s 6:11 right now so i have to run before he gets back, but please hurry! i’ll be waiting for you

-zelda

Link blinks and turns the phone off.

Last night? What happened last night? Why can’t he remember anything?

Well, if his raging headache tells him anything, it’s that he had probably blacked out last night.

Link isn’t usually a drinker or a partier. He isn’t really one to go to big social events. So he’s really confused as to why he woke up passed out in a tub with zero memories.

And also, why Zelda left her phone with him.

a version of the Silent Princess memory but they're at a party and its modern

Zelda laughs. “I think I got a little too sober from the Yiga incident to enjoy the party now.”

Link isn’t sure if he’s supposed to laugh with her, but nods anyway. “Do you want to get some air?”

Zelda gives him an odd look, then sighs. “Yeah. Yes. That would be a good idea.”

Surprisingly, she grabs his forearm and leads him through all the bodies pressed against each other. He can feel the heat of her hand wrapping entirely around his arm like a hot glove, even above the heat of the late summer air and the heat from other people in close proximity.

Somehow, they make it to the other side of the house. Zelda pushes the back door open and pulls him past the other stragglers outside before they find a nice tree with a patch of grass that seems generally clear of alcohol and vomit.

Zelda releases his arm as soon as she finds the tree and she sits down, dropping her head against the trunk.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

Zelda waves her hand vaguely.

Link pauses. “Do you need water?”

“If you get me any more water, I’m probably gonna piss myself,” says Zelda. “Sit down.”

He sits down.

The crickets hum vaguely around them, mingling with the distant buzzing and thumping bass of the music from the party. But without people pressing in from all sides and an open field in front of them, it finally feels like he can take a full breath.

The silence settles over them like a blanket. It feels comfortable to him, but he isn’t sure if it’s supposed to be.

“Oh, Link, look.”

Link cranes his head to see Zelda twist around and point out a blue flower glowing vaguely in the dark. It was beautiful with blue petals so light they looked almost white, and a sky blue bleeding out from the center before fading out.

He wants to give her a questioning look, but she’s transfixed on the flower. He can see the smallest of smiles creeping up onto the corners of her mouth.

“It’s a Silent Princess,” she says. “It was my mom’s favorite flower.”

He can tell something important is happening, so he keeps his mouth shut.

“She said that we can’t grow them domestically yet, despite our best efforts.” Zelda breaks into a full smile and it’s radiant. “The Princess can only thrive out here. In the wild.”

They both turn to look back at the house as another loud WHOOP cuts through the air, followed by the sound of a can being crushed against a head.

“Nature is beautiful,” says Link.

Zelda swats him and he has to bite back a laugh.

She turns and runs a gentle finger along one of the petals before sighing and leaning back against the tree.

“Thank you,” she says suddenly. “For being there with the Yiga. And for being there the whole party.” He can hear her swallow. “I’m sorry for being a bitch.”

“You weren’t being a bitch,” says Link.

“I was, though.” Zelda inhales beside him. “I mean, just because I’m under a lot of stress from my dad doesn’t mean I’m allowed to take it out on other people. I was acting like a kid.”

“To be fair, your dad sounds like an asshole sometimes.”

Zelda snorts. “Yeah. He can be.” He turns his head to see her lean forward to fiddle with the grass. “But he’s got a lot on his plate. And it probably doesn’t help that his daughter doesn’t want anything to do with his ‘legacy.’”

“Just because your dad’s under a lot of pressure doesn’t mean he’s allowed to be an asshole,” Link points out.

Zelda finally looks up at him and offers him a small grin. “Fair enough.”

“And besides, you’re your own person. You don’t need to follow in his footsteps.”

“That’s what I said,” huffs Zelda. “But of course it’s, ‘blah blah you have a responsibility. I didn’t raise you like this so you could waste your time researching pointless things.’” She sighs. “It’s fine. It’s whatever. I came to this stupid party to blow off steam, I guess. But Goddess, I did not eat enough today to drink that many cans of shitty beer.”

Link sits upright, alert. “Do you need to get food or—”

“No, no, that’s fine.” And that smile returns and Link wonders what else he can say to make it stay. “You’re sweet. But I’ve probably gotten drunk enough tonight.” Her eyes slide up to him and the mischief in them stops his heart for a moment. “You still have to try the Hot Frog.”

Link blinked. “...what is that?”

--

the endings are abrupt on both of them just bc i wasn't entirely sure how to end them akldjfasd. also the "Hot Frog" is gonna be some kind of mixed drink that gets link really drunk -- me trying to allude more to the original memory from the game haha

anyway, thank you so much for the ask! and thank u for coming up with the shitpost because it made me laugh the first time i read it hasdklfj hopefully i'll continue this one day and do ur shitpost au justice!

#lmao i just realized i titled the fic 'the lelda of zelda: breath of the weath' bc of a meme i saw at the time of making the google doc #also this is completely unimportant but im normally a past tense kind of gal #so it was a bit of an experiment writing in present tense for this #i might end up switching to past tense again later anyway aksjdfhasd #anyway thank you again for the ask <3 #eerna #asks