#anyways this was the perfect distraction during a hectic month

[fandomscombine]

It's the Lease I Can Do

Platonic! Weasley Twins x Reader

BG: The Weasley twins are so close to having their joke shop become a reality. They had found the perfect location but they had hit a minor problem that could cause them everything. You want to help, but how can you when they, the birthday boys themselves had given up?

a/n: I had this idea for a almst a year now and waited til ther twins bday to write it. I hope you enjoy.

WC: 2111

>>>MASTERLIST<<<

Fred and George causing a ruckus in the common room is a daily occurrence that everyone is accustomed to. However ever since the start of Year 7, the amount of commotion these two had caused can be counted in one hand.

At first glance, it could be attributed to NEWTS or in this year's case-to a pink toad acting as High Inquisitor. Still, more and more nights the twins had claimed the back corner of the common room.

~

The last remaining batch of students were making their way through Filch's checkpoint (an added security protection which also serves for Umbridge having a list of names on who comes in and out of Hogwarts). You glanced down at your watch- 2:27pm, they’re late. Weird, the twins never pass a chance to go to Hogsmeade.

You hear the castle door open behind you. Thank Merlin, you thought but instead you were greeted with a disheveled Angelina. “I’m coming! Wait!”

“Have you seen Fred and George?” You called as she ran past you.

“I think I saw them in the common room!” Angelina shouted back.

The common room? “What are they up to now?” You sighed. Stomping heavily up the stairs. “Ditching me….”

~

“Oi Weaslebees! I know you’re in here!” You rounded the corner of their secret spot. “AHa!”

You caught them red handed, midway into shoving papers into their “Weasley & Weasley'' Trunk. Though what they were hiding, you weren't exactly sure.

“Y/N!” Fred greeted, grabbing onto your shoulders, effectively covering George and the table. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

Narrowing your eyes at him. “Really?” Hands on hips you blatantly say “2:15 am, courtyard?? Ring any bells?” Fred shook his head.

Meanwhile George’s head shot up. “Oh shit, y/n we’re so sorry!”

Fred turned to his brother, still clueless on what the heck George was talking about.

Abandoning the trunk, George gave his twin a classic smack on the head. “Hogsmeade, you idiot! We were supposed to all go together.”

“OHHHH FU--” Fred knew he was screwed. “I’M SO SORRY! WE’RE SORRY.” Seizing the messy trunk, he strategized. “Right, here’s the plan: I’m gonna quickly drop this off back in the dorm while you two make your way to the gate. If you run, I guess you can make it. I’ll catch up with you two then.”

“Fred….. We’re not gonna make it” you argued.

“Not if we don’t try.”

“It’s almost 3, Filch would be closing the gates by now.” You sat down on Fred’s empty seat. “Besides we can go to Hogsmeade next time, we could just hang out here. I miss having my best lads around.”

“Awww…we’ve been upgraded from annoying pricks to best lads!” Gushed George, pulling you into a side hug.

“Yea, I could help in whatever it was you guys were doing before I came. I don’t mind.”

At that, you could feel George tense up, his arm around you dropping. “Uhhh…” He looked to the older twin, silently conversing.

You gaze between the boys, sometimes they get so caught up in their scheming that they don’t notice that to others, especially those who had known them for years that their non verbal communication is not so sly.

In the end, Fred gave his brother a subtle shake. “No, that’s alright. I’ll just put this back and we could play gobstones or something, anything you like.”

As Fred headed up to his dorm room, you noticed a piece of paper under the table. Picking it up, the header caught your eye. RE: Lease Agreement. Were the twins looking for a new home after graduation? You didn’t mean to pry. You were close friends, they would tell you if they were moving right? This is big news….you decided to brush it off until another line caught your attention. The shop premise located at Number 93 Diagon Alley. Shop? They are trying to set up shop? That’s brilliant! The twins would get to showcase their inventions to the world! You could feel your pride swell. Leasing Agreements would not proceed if tenants, Mr. Fred Weasley and Mr. George Weasley, are unable to provide an endorser by the date of 31st of March.

“Where’d you get that?” George standing across from you, gobstones on one hand and another pointing at the document. There’s no backing out now.

“It was under the table.” You explained. “I didn’t know you were this far along with the shop.”

“Yea, well it’s not happening now is it?”

“What?”

“Cmon y/n. I know you read it.”

“I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s alright. We aren’t getting the place anyway.”

“Wait what? Why?”

“No endorsers.” George stated matter of factly but you sense the pain in his voice.

“How about your parents surely-”

George laughed. “As if mum would suddenly have a change of heart. You knew how she disapproves of our inventions, calling it a waste.”

“Arthur then.”

“Mum won’t let him.”

“Anyone then?” George huffed in defeat. “How about me! I could back you up.”

“You have to be an adult with a proven financial stability.” He stated, effectively shutting you down. “Forget it y/n. The hold ends in 3 days. We’ve tried everything. Just don’t let Fred know that you know. He’s devastated. Promise?”

“I promise.”

“And no pity, sad eyes!” He added as footsteps are heard descending the staircase.

“But I suck at poker faces!”

“Then let’s hope that Freddie is distracted even to not notice.”

~

It’s been 4 days since you had sent the letter to your father.

“Dear papa,

I know that this is a huge favour to ask but I believe it would be worth your while.

So remember back in the summer when you caught Fred Weasley, George Weasley and me snooping around with the Extendable Ears but let us go because you were so enamored?

Well turns out the twins and trying to get a shop up and running! How amazing is that?

The only problem is that they need an endorser to back them up in order to proceed with the lease agreements. The are currently on hold for the Shop Number 93 in Diagon Alley until the 31st.

This is where the huge favour comes in. Could you please be their backer? You did say that you’d love to help in some part in their invention, be an investor of sorts. Please papa. I would love to do it myself but I have to wait a couple more months to qualify. Plus it’s their 18th birthday on April 1st. Imagine their surprise if it were to come through.

I’d love to hear from you soon, regardless of your choice.

Your favourite child

y/n.”

The twin’s 18th birthday was spent with absolute love and madness.

Lee had unloaded his stash of butterbeer and firewhiskey, Fred had slipped Angelina with one of their new prank inventions- which changes the person into a sickly color of vomit green, a perfect way to ditch class or events.

Upon learning that the color would last for a few days and would only fade with the ingestion of an antidote, antidote that George said they still had yet to create. Angelina (understandably) threw cake at them. The Gryffindor chaser with perfect aim, hits its mark. However, Fred using his beater skills, instinctively blocks the incoming cake.

Resulting in a wide splat zone. Fred’s arm was covered in frosting, having sprayed everyone around him in whipped cream during the impact. George wasn’t safe too, despite being across from Fred, the rebounce of the cake had made him the new target.

You had just changed into your pajamas when a tapping sound came from your window.

Your family owl, Lanny, was outside carrying a large yellow envelope.

Quickly letting him in, you gave Lanny a gentle pat and brought out some owl treats for the tired bird.

Unscrolling the note tied to his leg, you begin to read.

“My dearest y/n,

My sincere apologies for the late reply, it’s been quite hectic at work.

In regards to your favour, you need not worry. Everything is taken care of. I had met with the landlord of Number 93 Diagon Alley and had all the documents settled. I had also gone and checked to make sure the two lads aren’t being ripped off. Fred and George had picked a nice prime location.

Greet them a happy birthday for me alright? And tell them that I look forward to witnessing them succeed in their endeavors.

They would undoubtedly be bringing a lot of much needed joy into these darkening times. The people would be thankful for them.

I also had Lanny bring the twins’ copy of the Lease Agreement.

I can’t wait to see you all soon.

Much love,

Papa.”

~

Fred was grateful that their friends had retired into the night, leaving him and George to sulk into the dreadful reality.

“We were this close Georgie, this close!” Fred winced, pinching his fingers close without touching.

“I know but there was nothing else we could have done.” consoled George but even he himself was having a hard time. Number 93 was the perfect location for their joke shop. But now it’s gone.They are back to square one, scouting for locations.

“Fred! George! There you are! I have great news!” You yelled, not caring if you could wake up the other students.

“Oi Y/N! Be careful!.” Even in a bad mood, Fred Weasley couldn’t help being protective.

You banged the envelope on the table. “Surprise! Happy Birthday! From papa and I.”

“Another gift?” wondered George.

“So you don’t want it then?” You challenged, crossing your arms. You tried to look intimidating but the pajamas weren’t doing any good. “Cause I bet a hundred galleons that you’d shit your pants if you were to reject it.”

“That confident eh?” Smirked Fred, taking the contents of the envelope out. “ What do you think is so grand that Georgie and I would---BLOODY HELL! Y/N!” Fred kept looking down at the paper and up to you, unbelieving.

“What is it Freddie?” asked George leaning over to read whatever it was that left his brother speechless.

Re: Lease Agreement

Mr. y/l/n has submitted his endorsement to Mr. Fred Weasley and Mr. George Weasley.

The turnover of the leasing property of Shop Number 93 Diagon Alley would begin on April 1st …..

“Oh My- Y/n? Is this real?” George whispered, afraid that if he were any louder this dream would end.

“Yes, absolutely, 100%.” You affirmed. “The shop is yours! Opff-”

George embraced you tight, catching you off guard. You could feel your right shoulder getting wet. “Heyya big guy, don’t cry.” Running a hand up and down his back.

“But how?” Fred with brows creased was still stuck in a trance, you could see the paper shake in his grasp.

“You left the agreement noticed a couple of days ago. I might have accidentally read it. George said to not let you know cause you might get angry-”

“YOu KNEW?!?”

“George only knew I saw the paper. Nothing else.” You defended. “I thought i might try and help, so I called in a favour with papa. You knew how much he was impressed with the Extendable Ear, so I mentioned if he wanted to back you up. I only got his reply just now, said he’d love to and got onto ironing out the paperwork and viola!” Pointing at the document. “Oh and he also said Happy 18th Birthday, looking forward to your success and the people would be thankful for bringing a lot of much needed joy into these darkening times.”

“Thanks Y/n but this is a lot we can’t possibly-”

You cut Fred off before he could say more. “Oh please, you have done countless things for me. And I know what you’re gonna say- but see you would do the same for me. Besides think of this as your first investors. We want to help. We see your potential, we know you two, Fred, George, are gifted with bringing laughter and joy to people with your inventions."

"Thank you, truly y/n and to your dad too." Fred admitted, opening himself up. "No one's really backed us up with our inventions before, we've been always told off for being childish. It really means a lot."

“Hey, it’s the lease I could do.” You replied, causing the twins to chuckle immediately lightening up the mood.

It's great to see them relax again after weeks of stressing over the shop. Times might be changing but at least tonight, you got your best lads back.

~

Everything Taglist : @gruffle1

HP Taglist: @onlyfreds

#fred weasley x reader #george weasley x reader #fred weasley #geroge weasley #fred weasley imagine #george weasley imagine #fred weasley fluff #george weasley fluff #weasley twins #weasley x reader #fred and george weasley #fandomscombine writes #fred weasley angst #george weasley angst

[911-ls-whats-your-emergency]

we're going down, down

carlos/tk, 2.9k, 1/?

“It’s a meal. Not a collar, TK.”

Or the dom/sub AU that no one asked for. Inspired almost entirely by the way TK/Ronen put his hands above his head in the first hookup scene, just begging to be held down at the wrists (so blame him).

~~~~~~

TK still isn’t really sure about Austin, but he’s gotta say the team seems pretty cool so far and he’s excited to be doing this with his dad. What he’s not so excited about though, is this bar they’re in. What is this music? Alright so it’s pretty entertaining to see his dad doing some ridiculous line dancing moves, but he wouldn’t be caught dead out there and usually he loves to dance. Just not like this.

He’s laughing at a particularly ridiculous spin that everyone on the floor seems to be having trouble with, when he feels someone come up behind his left shoulder.

“Do you wanna dance?”

He twists around, fully planning to turn down whoever thinks they’re gonna be able to drag him out to that floor, when he registers who it is. Oh god, not only is it that hot cop from the car crash scene earlier, but he’s no longer covered in rain-proof layers. Instead, his muscle-bound torso is positively bursting out of a tight t-shirt and as if that wasn’t enough, he absolutely exudes Dom energy from every pore. TK’s always been a sucker for Doms who don’t have to use any of the fashion norms to indicate their status because it’s so obvious just by looking at them. TK himself will sport the occasional earring to mark his Sub status and tonight he’s rocking the cuffed sleeves typical of his dynamic ‒ although at this point, he mostly just likes how it looks.

TK swallows down his original response because there’s no way he’s turning down this perfect specimen of a Dom for anything, even though he’s gonna have no idea what he’s doing out there. But he hasn’t gone down properly in months ‒ not since the incident-that-shall-not-be-named ‒ and while he’s definitely not ready for a collar or even a cuff anytime soon, he definitely wouldn’t be opposed to a little scening with a Dom as fine as this one.

“Yeah.”

Well that came out a little more emphatic than he was planning. Guess that’s his chance at seeming chill out the window. But hey, he really only wants one thing out of this guy, so what’s the harm in making that obvious up front? In the back of his mind, TK has a passing thought that maybe a colleague who he’s already run into during his first major call isn’t the best candidate for a one-night-scene, but he’s never been known for his great decision-making, so he sees no reason to start now.

“It’s TK, right?” The Dom asks him as they start moving towards the dance floor. TK notices an arm make an aborted gesture towards his lower back which is….interesting. Seems like a possessive guiding hand might be the Dom’s natural inclination, but he’s also polite enough not to take liberties with a Sub who he’s just met, which is promising on both counts. TK finally registers the question and the potential meaning behind it. Yeah it’s possible the guy caught his name from TK’s turnout coat, but most people see the initials and ask him what it stands for, not realizing it’s the sum total of his preferred name. So there’s a nonzero chance this guy has asked around about him ‒ interesting again.

“Yeah that’s right. Sorry, I didn’t catch your name at the scene earlier?”

“Nothing to be sorry about ‒ things were a little bit hectic out there.” Understatement. “I probably would’ve introduced myself as Officer Reyes on the job anyway, but cute dance partners can definitely call me Carlos.” The accompanying grin of that last statement threatens to make TK weak in the knees.

“So, TK, ever been line dancing before?”

“That would be a definite no.” He’s under no illusion that his general demeanor doesn’t scream city boy, so he’d rather just lean into it. “Guess you’ll just have to tell me what to do.” TK tries to put forth his best coy face, but it’s been awhile since he’s done this without even the slight buffer of alcohol, so he’s not sure how well it works out.

Judging by the heat in Carlos’ eyes at his words, he doesn’t think he’s doing too badly. Still got it. They’ve finally reached a fairly open spot on the floor, so Carlos immediately starts giving him directions.

“Start out facing me.”

“Copy what I do exactly, which means we’ll be moving towards opposite sides and not mirror images.”

“Take my hand and I’ll spin you back into the line so we’re all facing the same way.”

TK’s doing his best to follow the directions and not make a fool of himself ‒ and he’d like to think he’s doing a decent job of it ‒ so it takes him a while to notice. At first, he’s sure it’s something else. If he were drinking, he’d say that the alcohol was just going to his head a bit, making him feel a little warm and floaty, but he’s pretty sure mineral water doesn’t have that effect.

TK’s always gone into subspace easier than most Subs ‒ definitely both a blessing and a curse ‒ but he’s never started to descend based on something as tame as this. A couple of commands and a firm hand correcting his movements here and there should not be getting this reaction.

Then again it’s been awhile since he’s relied solely on his dad and their platonic scenes for maintenance, without either the drugs or a partner / regular hookup to supplement. But they’ve been so busy with the logistics of the move since his overdose and it’s not like he doesn’t have plenty of opportunities to kneel for his dad since they live together, so he thought he’d be fine.

Apparently not.

Ideally he’d go get his dad and they could go home and take care of it, then figure out a better long term plan. But his dad is having the most fun TK’s seen him have since TK ruined his life and made him move cross country, so the last thing he wants to do is drag him away from something else to make him take care of his wayward son. TK’s sure that he can control it, now that he knows what’s happening.

The song changes then and TK desperately hopes for a new distraction that will snap him out of it before he has to cut the night short.

“I’m guessing you’ve also never tried two-stepping?”

TK has not, but it sounds complicated and just the thing he needs to shift his focus from the commanding energy coming off of every word out of Carlos’ mouth, even innocent questions like that one. He doesn’t tell Carlos that exactly, but he must somehow indicate that he’s willing to give it a shot, because he gets another grin for his trouble. TK is just about to move to the left side of Carlos again ‒ and of course his subby brain had turned him fully towards Carlos in the break between songs ‒ when Carlos stops him. And then ‒ oh. oh no ‒ he’s being gathered up into Carlos’ arms almost as if they’re about to ballroom dance.

If TK were smart, he would make an excuse right now and run to the bathroom before this goes any further. But TK’s always been his own worst enemy, so of course he doesn’t do that, and instead he gets to feel Carlos directing every part of TK’s body using just changes in pressure where they’re connected at the hands and TK’s lower back. It feels absolutely divine and a small part of TK is glad he didn’t miss this, but a slightly larger part recognizes that the situation has just gone from ‘not ideal’ to ‘FUBAR’ in very short order. Unfortunately for him, neither of these parts represent the majority of his consciousness, which has gone from feeling two-beer-tipsy and floaty to something more like the source material for the artificial high that got him addicted to pills in the first place. He decides he’s way too deep to pull himself out of it now, so instead he just...surrenders.

Read the rest of Chapter 1 on AO3

#tarlos #tarlos fic #911 lone star #911 lone star fic #my fic #note: I will not be posting on tumblr for every chapter #so if you want to read the rest #subscribe on ao3

[tuanyiems]

Like a Virgin [m]

Im Jaebum x Fem Reader Genre: Smut Words: 3k [Masterlist] Plot: When Im Jaebum catches you in a lie when you attempt to preserve your reputation during a game of Truth or Dare, you know you’re in big trouble. Warnings (?): dom!Jaebum,  mutual masturbation, unprotected sex, creampie (pretty safe stuff y’all I’m new to this lol) a/n: wow, so this is my first smut huh? I feel like I’m graduating or something and it ain’t even a Mark fic lol either way I think this is the beginning of my road to hell lmao also I realize I have a throat kink now and I don’t know what to do with this knowledge

You felt yourself going red in the face as your friends leaned into the circle around you and this time it was more than the fireplace behind you that was making the cabin feel extra hot tonight.

“So is it Truth or Dare?” Bambam urged, an evil smirk rising to his lips.

You glanced at your best friend Lina who had just been forced into giving Mark a lap dance and Yugyeom who was dared to strip naked and run outside through the snow (although the latter was a bit too proud about shedding his pants). You let out a sigh, eyes glancing furtively at Jaebum before turning back to Bambam.

“Truth please,” you committed.

“Aw, you’re no fun!” Yugyeom whined.

You chuckled at the younger boy’s pouting but when you saw the excited glint in Bambam’s eyes, you swallowed nervously.

“Okay, truth it is,” Bambam smiled, pointing his finger at you eagerly. “Have you ever masturbated to the thought of any of us here?”

Jaebum smiled, watching as your eyes widened with horror and your ears blushed pink with embarrassment. There was a quick moment of silence in which you were momentarily stunned before Lina broke out into a laugh.

“As this girl’s roommate, I can guarantee you she hasn’t. Shit, I don’t even think Y/N masturbates!” Lina teased, eyes squeezing shut as she doubled over in laughter. Honestly, you didn’t think it was that hilarious, but you were grateful for any distraction from your sex life nonetheless.

“Oh, come on, you have to at least masturbate, right? It’s human nature!” Bambam insisted, looking between you and Lina with arched eye brows.

“Maybe for gross boys like you Bambam,” Lina joked, nudging him with her elbow. “But Y/N’s like the Virgin, herself. She’s an angel!”

You tilted your head, resisting your best friend’s favorite nickname for you. Sure, maybe you weren’t as sexually outgoing or experienced as Lina but you weren’t an angel and you certainly weren’t a virgin. But the others seemed to be convinced by Lina’s loud exclamations as they began to nod along.

“Actually, I can see it,” Mark agreed, staring at you with squinted eyes as if your sexual experience was written across your face.

Jaebum chuckled, watching as your shoulders squeezed and you seemed to shrink from everyone’s teasing. “You need some water, Y/N? You’re getting kinda red right now.”

When you looked at him with surprise in your eyes, he felt his own stomach flip. He had been wanting to get to know you all semester but hadn’t found the guts to talk to you until this trip. He was beginning to realize you were cuter up close than when you sat across the room from him in your lecture halls.

“Yeah, I believe it,” Yugyeom added. “I remember in 9thgrade Y/N asked me what jizz was.”

You gasped at the sudden exposure, your lips bunching into a pout. “I was 14!”

“Exactly, you were 14 and didn’t know what the word jizz meant!”

“Knowing slang doesn’t always equate to knowing sex though,” Mark defended, more so to get a kick out of Yugyeom than to help you, but seeing as everyone was out to get you now you figured you would take what you could.

“Maybe, but I remember the first month I started rooming with Y/N,” Lina laughed.

Jaebum leaned into his hand, trying to cover his growing smile as he watched you glare at your friend. “Lina, don’t,” you warned. Even you being mad was cute.

“This girl!” Lina exclaimed, trying to hold back a laugh. “She legit pulled out my dildo and asked me if it was shoulder massager!”

“I-It didn’t look—It was a different shape!” You stammered.

Jaebum bit at his lip as you balled your hands into fists, straightening your back with a big red pout on your lips. If only you realized how little this was doing for your own argument. If anything, it made Jaebum even more convinced that you were in fact, an angel. Or at least more innocent than you were arguing to be.

“So you’ve really never maturbated, huh?” Bambam asked, looking confused but intrigued all at once.

You bit at your lip, looking at Bambam before you glanced away bashfully, eyes landing on Jaebum instead. For a second, he thought he saw your eyes widen from meeting his but the thought disappeared when you continued to look at him. He felt a stirring in his own stomach when he glanced at your plush lips and saw your teeth sink down harder.

“I-” You looked away to the floor and let out a breath before answering weakly, “No.”

“Oh, you poor soul, you must be so stressed,” Yugyeom teased, patting your head to ease the tension around the room. You rolled your eyes, swatting his hand away before glancing back at Jaebum.

“Anyways, it’s your turn now Jaebum,” You smiled brightly once again now that your turn was over.

Yugyeom clapped his hands with excitement, not even waiting for him to answer before he was already asking him a question. “What’s your secret kink?”

Jaebum smirked, “Mutual masturbation.”

Everyone in the room erupted with laughter. All except you and Jaebum. Instead you were left to stare at Jaebum as he looked at you quietly, an eyebrow raised before he leaned back on his arms, glancing from his thighs back to you. When he saw that you were still doe-eyed and pink in the cheeks he let out a chuckle, letting his head fall back and giving you the perfect view of his throat.

You gulped, averting your eyes quickly as you felt a rush of heat pool to your core.

The game went on and Bambam and Yugyeom did a plethora of embarrassing things but all this went right past you as you felt Jaebum’s eyes on you the entire time and all you could think about were other ways he could be all on you. The thoughts made you squirm in your seat on the hardwood floor.

So when Lina let out a yawn and called it a night, you silently thanked the heavens for releasing you of your torture.

It was past midnight when you finally sink into the bed. You let out a deep sigh as you closed your eyes and let your fingers travel south across your body. You were glad now that Lina had booked a spacious cabin with enough rooms for all of you to have your own.

You didn’t know Im Jaebum would be joining on the cabin trip with everyone. Ever since you laid eyes on him in your lecture hall, you had been dreaming of his pretty fingers running along your skin, your mouth on his delicious throat. The first time you spoke to him and he said your name, you almost melted into the floor on the spot.

And when you saw him step out of the guys’ car in his black bomber and matching beanie, you almost bent to your knees right then and there. It was only the second night of your trip and already you were too pent up with desire to even fall asleep despite the hectic day of skiing and long night of putting up with your friends’ shenanigans.

You savored the coldness of your fingers as you trailed lightly across your abdomen, teasing shivers off your body as you made your way down. You closed your eyes, imagining Jaebum’s hands pulling down your shorts and his fingers softly dipping down, past the band of your panties.

“Mmm,” you hummed lightly, finally relieving yourself as you pressed against your clit. You stretched your fingers out, teasing at your wet entrance before spreading your own arousal in circles against your clit. “Fuck, right there.”

Jaebum stopped in the middle of heading to his own bedroom at the sound of muttering outside your door. You were whispering but he had been sure everyone else already went to bed. He inched forward, careful to not make a sound as he leaned into the open gap of your door.

It was dark in the room except for a single streetlamp outside your window illuminating your exposed figure on the bed, eyes shut tight, t shirt sliding up your torso, and palm hidden underneath your delicate panties.

Jaebum watched as your arm began to move faster and your breaths became more shallow. He could feel his own breath constricting as his focus on you intensified.

“Oh, Jaebum,” you moaned, toes curling.

Jaebum felt his pants tighten at the sound of his name on your lips. He couldn’t help feeling a rush of pride as your arched into your own hand, continuously moaning his name under your breath.

“You called me?”

Your eyes flew open in surprise as you darted your hand out of your panties. You laid in shock, eyes looking back into his as you flushed with embarrassment.

“Well?” he went on, reaching the end of the bed. He lifted his leg, letting one knee sink into the mattress before he continued. “Are you just gonna stare at me all night, sweetheart? Or are you gonna continue?”

You swallowed, a new release of arousal pooling into your already soaked panties.

“C-continue,” you whispered meekly.

Jaebum smirked, reaching for your shorts and pulled them off your ankles. “That’s a good girl.”

He climbed fully onto the bed, eyes on you as he slipped two fingers past the band of your panties and pulled the soiled cloth off of you. He smiled before pulling your legs apart and sat between, taking in the beautiful sight of your exposed body under the faint light. You took in a breath as you felt the cool air hit you.

“Let me see how pretty you are,” he ordered, hands rubbing at your knees. “Take off your shirt sweetheart.”

“Jaebum,” you hesitated. “You too?”

You didn’t mean for it to come out as a question but from the look of his face you were glad that it did. You watched his eyes trail from your glistening entrance to your exposed belly button and he bit at his lips.

“Only for good girls,” he finally responded, hands trailing up your thighs. “Are you gonna be a good girl for me, Y/N?”

You let out a whimper as he pressed his thumbs into your inner thigh. You quickly tossed the flimsy t shirt over your head and off the bed, exposing your perky breasts to Jaebum’s hungry eyes.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” he whispered before taking off his own shirt. You inhaled, taking in the sight of his abs and the faint trail leading to the bulge in his pants. “Now touch yourself.”

You let out a moan as your eyes remained on his and your fingers returned to your entrance.

“No, no,” he groaned, hand clutching your wrist and pulling your fingers away. “Did I say you could put your finger inside yet?”

“No,” you whispered, legs squirming as you ached to be touched. You licked at your lips, your free hand coming to squeeze at your own breasts. “Please, Jaebum. Please let me finger myself.”

“Fuck,” he whispered under his breath as he watched you knead at your nipple frantically. You looked so fucking delicious and desperate. “You’re so needy, Y/N.”

He dipped his head down, sucking at your sticky fingers and making you moan at the sight. “God you taste delicious. I could taste you all night, but since you’ve been waiting, why don’t you show me how you look when you’re cumming from your own fingers, okay?”

You nodded eagerly as he released his grip on you and you sunk two fingers into your entrance with a whimper. Jaebum moaned at the sight, pushing down his own sweatpants and boxers, and finally released his cock from its tight confinement.

“Oh fuck,” you cursed, watching as Jaebum squeezed his own cock in his hands, a small drop of precum leaking to the thick, red tip. You dipped your finger in faster, other hand sliding to your clit as you tried to match your pace to his strokes. You moaned in pleasure, never wanting more in your life than to have his cock in your hands, feeling those thick veins pulsing against your own palms.

“You like what you see sweetheart?” he smirked, slowing down his pace and giving himself one rough stroke up so that even more precum leaked to his tip. You moaned, licking at your lips and wanting nothing more than to press him against your tongue.

“Please Jaebum,” you whimpered, fingers slipping out of yourself as you reached forward for his arm. “I want you inside me already.”

He grinned, inching forward as if he had just been waiting for you to say that. “Aww, are your fingers not doing it for you?”

You pouted, closing your eyes in another whimper. “No, I need more. I need you.”

He chuckled, watching you arch in desperation. “Yeah, you want to feel my cock inside you? You want to cum around my dick, don’t you? Been dreaming about it all night, haven’t you sweetheart?”

He rubbed the tip of his dick against your clit and you groaned at the sweet friction, lifting your pelvis to align your entrance.

“Jaebum,” you whined.

“It’s too bad,” he teased, slapping his dick roughly against your pussy. “I only reward good, honest girls. You weren’t very honest today, were you?”

You whimpered, biting at your lip in agony as you shook your head.

He smirked, watching you squirm underneath him. “Be honest with me then. Since when did you start masturbating?”

“Jaebum, please!” you urged, trying to press your entrance harder against him. At the same time, your whole face blushed red at the question and it only urged Jaebum to tease you more.

He leaned away, squeezing your thigh harshly. “Y/N,” he warned.

“16!” You finally answered, hands flying to your face in embarrassment. “After a friend told me she got eaten out for the first time I went back home and fingered myself while imagining it was her boyfriend’s tongue.”

Jaebum bit at his lip, running his thumb across your clit. You sighed into his sweet touch. “That’s a good girl. Now tell me when did you start thinking of me?”

You groaned, feeling him press his tip to your entrance again as he swirled his thumb deliciously against your nub. “A-As soon as I saw you.”

You flushed, hiding your eyes behind the crook of your arm as you confessed. “After the first lecture, I waited until Lina fell asleep and I made myself cum while thinking about you.”

Jaebum groaned. “You naughty girl, you’re getting more wet just talking about it.”

You looked up at him again with a whimper. “Please, Jaebum, please I want you inside me.”

“Fuck,” was his only answer before he pressed his cock into your entrance, sliding slowly into your heat until you were filled to the brim.

“Oh god,” you sighed when he stilled inside you. You looked up to see Jaebum’s eyes squeezed tight, his muscles tense above you. After so much teasing, you realized he was just as much desperate for you as you were for him. You could feel him shiver against you.

“You’re so fucking tight,” he groaned, his body leaning down on yours as he nuzzled his face into your neck, lips sucking softly at your sensitive skin.

“Mm,” you whimpered, arching into him. “Jaebum.”

You felt him breathe loudly into your neck before he started moving, sliding his cock out until it was just the tip before slamming roughly back into you.

“Oh, Jaebum!” You moaned, hands coming to the back of his head, clutching at his hair as he continuously slammed his hips over and over into you.

You arched your hips, meeting his thrusts desperately as you felt the pleasure building in your core.

“Please don’t stop, Jaebum,” you begged, feeling yourself begin to squeeze around him.

He answered with a sloppy kiss to your lips, groaning into your mouth as he quickened his pace.

“Fuck,” he moaned, feeling you squeeze around him. “You feel so fucking good, Y/N.”

“Mm,” you muffled against him, pressing your lips to his throat. You sucked at his skin, relishing in the way his moans vibrated against your lips. Just the feeling of his deep groans vibrating from his throat was enough to make you lose it.

You moaned into your kisses as his thrusts became sloppier and more urgent.

“Oh god, Jae—” you clutched tighter around his neck, the pleasure tightening in your core. “Please don’t stop.”

Jaebum answered with faster thrusts, hitting your g-spot each time and sending electric shocks of pleasure throughout your body.

“Mm, Jaebum!” you moaned before the pleasure building in your core finally snapped, sending a shock of white heat throughout your body.

“F-fuck,” Jaebum stuttered, feeling you clench around his cock. He thrusted into you roughly a few more strokes, teasing out your high until he was spilling hot spurts of white inside you.

You sighed into the crook of his neck as you felt the final waves of his orgasm twitching inside you.

“Wow,” you breathed out.

You felt Jaebum chuckle against you before he pulled out, flipping over to your side.

“That was…wow,” you whispered, a dreamy smile on your face.

Jaebum grinned, turning on his side to look at you. He smirked, “I think that’s the most honest you’ve been all night.”

You chuckled, rolling your eyes. You pressed a gentle kiss to his throat before resting your head over his chest. You let out a satisfied hum, feeling the steady rhythm of his heart against your ear.

“Can I be more honest then and tell you I want another round tonight?”

Jaebum smiled, running his fingers through your hair softly. “Oh no worries, sweetheart. The whole house is going to find out you’re not a virgin by the time I’m finished with you.”

#got7creators #got7 scenarios #got7 reactions #got7 smut #im jaebum fanfic #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #jaebum smut #college au

[ziyoouvachi-eng]

Makuhari Messe concerts, which were supposed to take place on 4th & 5th of April, have been cancelled. The first concerts planned to be held in an arena, they could've been the biggest in QB's entire career.

Avu-chan made an Instagram post in which she shared her thoughts on the issue, English translation below:

Queen Bee performances Juu -Introduction-, which were to be held in Makuhari Messe Event Hall on 4th & 5th of April, have been cancelled.

I hope everyone who was supposed to come that day will read this. These are my words and feelings.

Ever since we announced the performances in November, we'd been giving our all preparing for "QB's first arena concert." However, for the last several months we had to ponder whether to perform or not and simply speaking, "cancellation" was the only possible outcome. Before reaching this conclusion, naturally, I had many conflicting thoughts. I really wanted to communicate these feelings to everyone.

Among these concerns were, of course, the fans, who have been looking forward to the concerts. I still feel strongly about this. Queen Bee fans from all over the country, who've been making time just for these two days, buying tickets... A lot of fashionable people come to our concerts, so I'm sure most of them have already decided on an outfit beforehand; they were really looking forward to this, from the bottom of their hearts. I think many people also listened to BL on loop. I didn't want to spoil all the excitement and wonderful preparations by announcing a cancelled live. Didn't want to make anyone feel dejected. But on the contrary, even if we didn't cancel QB's first arena concert, would that really be worth it — to hold it in a world where our safety and day-to-day are hectically changing? You might completely forget about it during the live, but what if coming to or leaving the arena becomes even a little complicated? Even the spring weather outside is so good, perfect for a concert. It's frustrating.

After weeks of discussions with band members and staff, we've chosen to cancel the event. Regarding refunds and such, please visit Queen Bee's official site. Due to many consultations and preparations, the announcement was late and for that I am terribly sorry. "Everyone has a lot going on right now, but just for these two days I want to distract people from that, I want to see something amazing! That's what I'm going to show!" With these feelings burning in my heart, I focused solely on the arena performance. And even now, I'm quietly preparing for future concerts with these same thoughts.

We're currently looking for new ways to deliver music to fans from all around the country on April 4th, when the concert should've taken place. No matter how tough life can be, we have to keep going. We've already come this far so I want to share something that I can't show anywhere else, and this desire makes a little blue fire burn silently inside of me. So even though the Makuhari Messe performance won't happen, I still hope we'll be able to meet on the appointed day at the same time and spend time together, despite the distance. That's why we have lovely announcements, lovely... Well, anyway, we have many different things prepared, so look forward to it.

For me, the band called "Queen Bee" is a living being. I've always had this fear that if she doesn't get up on stage, doesn't take part in a production of sorts, she might end up just getting hurt. This cancellation was no exception and I was afraid of stopping completely. However, cancelling the event made me discover feelings that surpassed every worry. "I'll take my revenge, no matter what!", and the day when we, tougher than before, can perform again will definitely come! I think it will be of great aid when I remember this passion and inspiration, and I'll be very happy to share this moment together with you!

Once again, I'm very sorry if our decision has left you a little dispirited! Troubling you with refunds and such is really painful. But I think we've been equally worried about each other in the recent days. When everything returns to normal and QB has leveled up, let's meet again at the next live venue

Please continue supporting us.

Queen Bee Barazono Avu

#ziyoou vachi #queen bee #avu chan #女王蜂 #アヴちゃん #news #its very long but important please read it!

[blurry-fics]

Chapter Five

Where Did We Go | Series Masterlist

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2019

Author’s Note: It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for: the wedding chapter :) and an introduction to Max! I hope you enjoy this one :) (picture credit)

You watched as Marenna and Carter moved slowly around the dance floor. They were so wrapped up in one another that it was almost like nobody else was in the room but them. It was nice to see the two of them so happy - Carter, especially - after the last few months of hectic wedding planning.

Your moment was interrupted by someone tugging on your clothes. Max was standing next to you, one of his little fists clutched tightly around some fabric, looking up at you with wide eyes. You bent down so that you could hear him better.

“What’s up, little dude?” you asked.

“Drink,” he frowned.

“You want some juice?”

He nodded and held his arms out to you. You scooped him up and walked back towards the table where the bag Marenna and Carter had given you was sitting. Shortly after you had set Max down in a chair, someone walked up behind you and placed a hand on your back.

“Need any help?” Tyler asked.

You relaxed once you realized it was Tyler and not some family member who was coming to rope you into a conversation. Your teenage relatives - and some of Marenna’s who hadn’t realized that Tyler was “part of the family” - had already been hovering around you for most of the afternoon, hoping for a chance to talk to Tyler or get a picture. It happened at every family reunion nowadays.

“Yeah, can you make sure he doesn’t run off while I grab him a juice box?” you asked.

“No problem. Hey, woah, little dude,” Tyler said, quickly grabbing away his beer bottle that Max had been reaching for. “That is not for kids.”

“Ty, Carter is going to kill me if he gets his hands on a beer.”

“I grabbed it in time!”

You shook your head as you finally found the juice box buried underneath a mountain of stuff that Carter and Marenna had left for you. Max, upon realizing that you were holding what he was after, started to reach his little arms out towards you, making grabbing motions with his hands.

“Juice.”

“Hold on, bud, I have to get the straw in here for you.”

When Max finally had his drink in his hand and was happily sipping away, you took a seat at the table. People started to walk back towards their own tables now that the first dance was over, happy to go back to their talking and catching up with family members that they hadn’t seen in a few months. You turned to Tyler and held out a hand for him to grab.

“Hey, Ty,” you said, giving him your best smile.

“What do you need?” he laughed.

“Could you go get me a vanilla Coke from the bar? My throat is a little dry.”

“No problem, I needed to get a drink for myself, anyway,” he said, bending down to give you a quick kiss before walking off.

“Thank you.”

You took a second to watch Tyler walk off before turning back to Max. He was still sipping away at his juice, his eyes roaming around the room at all the unfamiliar faces.

“How does that taste, Max?”

He nodded and then gave you a little thumbs up. You reached out and brushed some hair back from his face, even though he tried to avoid your hand. When he saw the frustrated look on your face, he began to giggle.

“You’re just like your dad, did you know that?” you laughed, tickling his side. He giggled and swatted at your hand.

“What’s going on over here?”

“Dadda!” Max cheered, his juice box instantly forgotten.

“Hey, buddy,” Carter smiled, picking up Max from his chair and then promptly sitting down in it. “How is he being?”

“He’s doing great. The only trouble we had was earlier when he kept trying to get Tyler to chase him during dinner, but other than that he’s being an angel.”

“Good.” Carter pressed a quick kiss to the top of Max’s head. “I’m glad to hear it.”

“How are you doing? Is everything going ok?”

“Actually, yeah. This is much less stressful than I thought it would be.”

“I’m glad, you deserve to have fun today.”

“Thanks, Y/N.”

There was a pause in your conversation as Tyler arrived back with drinks: the vanilla Coke you had requested and another beer for himself. He wasn’t typically one for drinking, but if he kept up the pattern he had right now, he would be a little more than tipsy by the end of the night. Not that you minded, it had been a hard month for Tyler; letting loose for a night might not be such a bad idea for him.

“Hey, Joseph, how’s it going?”

“Pretty good. Congrats on the marriage, dude.”

“Thanks,” Carter said. His face had once again been overtaken by his dorky grin.

“Marenna is finally a Y/L/N now, officially,” you smiled.

“Yeah, and you won’t be one much longer,” he said, elbowing you.

You rolled your eyes. Carter had started pestering you and Tyler about getting married over the last few months, despite the fact that you had told him numerous times that you were in no rush. With Tyler’s busy schedule, finding time to even think about planning a wedding was a struggle.

Even if deep down you knew it was something you wanted.

“Anyway,” Carter said, noticing the awkward silence he had created. “I just wanted to check in with you two and this little dude.” He ruffled Max’s hair. “Marenna and I are going to talk to some more people and then we can take care of him for the rest of the night so you two can relax, sound good?”

“Perfect,” you smiled.

Carter set Max down in his seat and then stood up to hug both you and Tyler. Max started to get upset once he realized his dad was leaving, but Tyler was quick to swoop in and distract him. You couldn’t help the smile on your face as you watched him spin Max around in his arms and toss him into the air, all the while Max giggled happily.

“More, unkie!”

Tyler turned to you, obviously tired after throwing him around so much.

“Come on, Ty!” you smiled. “You’re a performer, I know you can do this!”

“Yeah, but I’m not used to carrying around weight like this,” he laughed.

“It’s good practice! He’s only going to get bigger.”

Tyler scooped Max back up and started to swing him around again, nearly taking out one of your aunts in the process. Thankfully, Max’s cute smile was enough to appease her and keep her from chewing out Tyler too much, though he did still get a stern warning. He turned to you with a nervous expression, but you simply waved it off. That aunt had always been a bit harsh, anyway.

Max eventually got tired of playing and walked over to sit in your lap, making himself comfortable on your shoulder. Tyler, still panting, sat down across from you and grabbed his beer, taking a long drink.

“I still can’t believe how big he’s gotten,” he said. “I know I was only gone for a month, but I feel like he doubled in height.”

“I know. It’s like you blink and a year has passed.”

Tyler quietly took a sip of his beer. You leaned back further in your chair, shifting Max so you could sit a little more comfortably. The rhythmic tapping of his hand on your stomach indicated that he was still awake, but you could tell by his steady breathing that he was getting close to falling asleep. It had been a big day for him.

“Tell me if you need a break from holding him, ok?” Tyler said. “I don’t mind.”

“I will. I’m just looking forward to when Carter and Marenna come to get him so we can finally dance.”

Tyler smiled, “Me too.”

*     *     *

Your opportunity finally came an hour or so later. After a brief conversation with Carter and Marenna, they finally took a sleeping Max off your hands so that you and Tyler had an opportunity to have some fun for a little while. Tyler was also a little tipsier than he had been earlier in the night, meaning that his confidence was double its normal levels.

Your hand was held tightly in Tyler’s as he led you towards the dance floor where most of your family members were currently dancing. They hardly paid any attention to you as you made your way into the crowd and found some space for yourself. Tyler wasted no time in beginning to dance, swinging his hips wildly and flailing his arms about the place.

“Come on, why aren’t you dancing?” he smiled.

You started to swing your hips a little, but Tyler obviously wasn’t pleased with this level of movement. He reached forward and laced his fingers with yours so that he could move your arms for you. It was impossible not to giggle as Tyler moved your arms all over the place, despite the fact that your hips were still barely moving.

“I’ve seen you dance before, Y/N, you’re not fooling me.”

“Yeah, at home where nobody else is watching.”

“Nobody is watching right now! Look around.”

As much as you hated to admit it, Tyler was right. Everyone was too wrapped up in dancing with their own friends to pay attention to you. Even Carter, who usually liked to poke fun at you, was too busy dancing with Max and Marenna to pay attention.

“Fine, fine, I’ll dance a little more.”

Tyler began to smile widely as soon as you started to move your hips, quickly forgetting about all the people around you and focusing only on him. You kept your fingers interlaced as you moved around together, both of you giggling and smiling like idiots.

The music eventually slowed down and people who didn’t have dance partners began to filter themselves off the floor. Tyler brought your dancing to a stop and put on the most serious expression that he could muster.

“Y/N,” he started. “Love of my life.”

“Yes, Tyler?”

“Will you dance with me?”

“Of course.”

Tyler pulled you closer to him and found a comfortable place on your hip for him to rest his hand. Once your hand was on his shoulder and your fingers were interlaced, Tyler began to sway the two of you slowly. His focus was on you, and you only, as he stared deeply into your eyes.

“What are you doing?” you smiled, already feeling your cheeks get hot.

“Just admiring my beautiful girlfriend.”

“Oh? Where is she?” you asked, dramatically looking around the room.

Tyler reached up and caught your chin with his hand, gently tilting it up towards him.

“Right here.” He pressed a kiss to your lips, but didn’t linger for long. You were still surrounded by your family members, after all.

“Smooth,” you giggled.

He leaned forward so that he could whisper in your ear, “The alcohol helps a lot.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Tyler smiled and pressed another kiss to your cheek. “You know, I’ve had a lot of fun today with you. It was much needed.”

“I had fun too. Thank you for coming along as my date.”

“I’ll never turn down an opportunity to spend time with you.”

You smiled at Tyler, taking this opportunity to admire all the little things you loved about him. It was hard to believe that you had been lucky enough to have him next to you for ten years, even if your relationship had been rocky from time to time. He was everything you could have asked for in a life partner, and then some.

“Now who’s staring?” Tyler grinned.

“If you get to stare, then I do too.”

“Ok, ok, point taken.”

“I love you, Tyler.”

“Oh, I get the full name today?”

You shook your head, “Just say it back, doofus.”

“I love you too.”

Yep, this was the guy you were head over heels in love with.

*     *     *     *     *

Taglist

@tylersheavydirtysoul​ @faceofcontvsions​ @ohprettyweeper​ @shaytwentyonep​ @tyler-josephs-floof​ @buzzybeebandaid​ @topownsmyheart​ @harishaanne​ @addictwithaheavydirtycheetah @somethingboutyou1​ @boiled-onionrings​ @heythereitm3​ @gaysludge​ @breadbinishigh​ @5secondsofmoxley​ @patdsinner33​ @littlerachelbee​ @royal-avengers​

#tyler joseph #tyler joseph x reader #tyler joseph fanfiction #twenty one pilots #twenty one pilots fanfiction #tyler joseph imagine #tyler joseph drabble #tyler joseph fluff #tyler joseph angst #tyler joseph series #twenty one pilots x reader #twenty one pilots imagine #twenty one pilots drabble #twenty one pilots fluff #twenty one pilots angst #twenty one pilots series #where did we go #wdwg #rose colored boy #rose colored boy trilogy #rcb #skeleton clique #blurry-fics

[purplesurveys]

924

Do you have a taste in your mouth right now? What of? Just the faint taste of coffee since I have a cup at the moment but haven’t drunk from it in the last few minutes. Which is your least favourite day of the week? I’ve lost the concept of the days of the week for a few months now, man. Back when we used to do things, though, I hated Sundays as I felt loneliest on that day. It was always an automatic thing too so I had little control over it. If told to clean the house, would you be more inclined to clean one room really well or clean all of the rooms with hardly any effort? Clean all rooms with maximum effort. I’d be really bugged if I didn’t strive to be perfect with the whole place lol. Do you put glue on the object you're sticking down or on the paper? Object, so that the amount of glue I’m putting would be accurate. What was your last dream about? I don’t remember the details anymore but at the very least, I know it was very vivid since I remembered it throughout the morning. I’ve been having very detailed dreams lately – it’s the depression for sure. 

What is your favourite part of the last movie you watched? Haven’t seen a movie in a while but the last thing I watched in full was The Crown; Vanessa Kirby as Princess Margaret really shone through in the last episode I saw. Have you stuck any stickers to the computer you're using? I put all my stickers onto my laptop case but not the laptop itself. I haven’t had the case on for a while now though, since I’m always just at home now. Do you ever write or talk to yourself in your head when you're bored? Yes or when I’m feeling upset, as long as I’m alone. I’ve found that talking to myself is a healthy way to address and deal with my emotions. What interests you the most about other people? What I find interesting always varies. I have friends who I find interesting for their music tastes; some others for their knowledge of random trivia; some for their jobs, etc. It’s always different. Do you ever take random pictures out of boredom? What of? Not really. If I take photos it’s because I want to remember a moment or because I find something cute or funny. Basically anything that elicits a strong emotion out of me, I’m bound to take a picture of. Do you prefer listening to things through headphones or speakers? Headphones. How many siblings do you have? Do you get on with them? I have two siblings. I only get along with my sister; I have not talked to my brother since last year and have no desire to again. Would you rather live in a log cabin or a brick house? Mmm I’d take the brick house. Log cabin would be nice for a quick getaway, but I wouldn’t want it to be my permanent home. There’s a psychological factor in there and I just think that staying in a log cabin would make me feel suffocated eventually, haha. Do you have a calendar up for this year? I have a ‘Job Applications’ calendar that I’m currently monitoring, and it tracks the applications I’ve sent out to different companies and how long I’ve been waiting for a response from each of them. Really needing some positive vibes and energy since I actually just got my first rejection notice today. Other than that this year has been pretty fucking boring and there’s been little need to keep an active calendar. What was the very first CD you bought? The first CD I remember asking my parents to buy for me was like the High School Musical official soundtrack. I was big on Disney as a kid and wasn’t a big fan of any solo acts or bands up until I was around 10. Do you keep things like old train tickets, etc? Yessssssss. Do you like your smile? Why (not)? I like it; I find my smile friendly and warm. I just hate smiling with my teeth at the present since one of my front teeth protrudes. Can’t wait to get braces again. Would you rather be able to sing or dance? Why? Dance. Dancers are super hot, lmao. What was your favourite colour when you were a kid? Do you still like it? It was purple/violet and it was mostly influenced by my great-grandma who lovedddd the color and had it everywhere in her home. When she passed away, my love for the color slowly faded away and I don’t think too much of it now. Have you ever said 'lol' in real life? Haha yeah sometimes. I pronounce it as ‘lohl’ and never ‘el oh el’ though. Do you like your friend's parents? I like most of their parents, though I’m aware that some have abusive tendencies. Most of the parents are super nice, though. JM’s mom cooked a big lunch for us once and his dad buys like four party-sized boxes of pizza every time we come over, Angela’s parents treat me like their own kid, Gab’s mom constantly tells me she loves me...it’s in the little things. How many times have you moved? I can remember just the two times, but I know that we moved several times more when I was an infant. Have you ever refused to try a certain food? Which? Most stuff with fruits, hah. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, like when a sushi roll has mango or if I’m having banoffee pie, but I almost always refuse a meal with some kind of fruit in it. What's your favourite type of soup? Not really big on soup. I just like miso. Very occasionally I’ll have mushroom soup too. What is your favourite candle scent? I don’t buy candles nor do I know people who regularly get them, so I’m not very familiar with the different scents. Does the sight of blood make you feel ill? In real life, it would. I always have to look away whenever Gabie gets a nosebleed ha. But I have no problem watching bloody wrestling matches and I actually enjoy the bloodier ones. Super weird quirk of mine. What do you call it when you're sick anyways? (Sick, ill, not well, etc) If I’m referring to a fever I call it sick/ill/not feeling well. If I feel like throwing up I say I’m getting dizzy/need to vomit. I’ve never referred to puking as ‘getting sick,’ and it took me a very long time to realize that it was a common American saying, haha. Did you ever really believe in the tooth fairy? I did, and I felt super betrayed when I put my tooth under my pillow only to see it again the next morning. If you had to appear in a movie, which genre would you choose? Coming of age. What do you do with unwanted gifts? I keep them, since I still appreciate the effort of the gift-giver. Are there any clothes you haven't worn in ages, that you've suddenly started wearing again? HAHA yes. There will be rare instances where I get to go out and I always take the time to look stylish as all fuck, even though I’m only running an errand and wearing flashier pieces would be so unnecessary. I just miss dressing up and looking cute, man. Do any keys on your keyboard stick? Like, if they’re sticky? No. Would you rather own a laptop or a computer? Laptop. Love it when things are portable. Do you think you'll look at old photos of yourself and be embarrassed? My teenage years are definitely bad especially with regard to my fashion choices lol, but so are everyone else’s so I’m not super embarrassed. I cringe at the photos but I wouldn’t mind if my friends poked fun at them because chances are I’d join in too. What was the worst hairstyle you ever had? I always hated it whenever my mom took me to the salon to have my hair rebonded. That kind of look has never worked with my face shape and so I usually did everything for my hair to start curling up quicker and go back to its original form. Do you like t-shirts with sayings on them? Why (not)? Not really. It’s just not a personal preference. I like plain or slightly printed pieces. Do you click on the adverts at the side of the screen? No. Have you ever coughed and sneezed at the same time? I’m sure it’s happened before. Are you embarrassed to show people your ID photo? Nah. Whatever dude. Have / would you ever become a cheerleader? I haven’t, but I would have loved to. We don’t have a cheerleading club or varsity in my old school though so I was never able to hone my skills, if ever. What's the longest you've gone without eating? Maybe a little more than 24 hours. What is one of your biggest irrational fears? Commercials airing at night. I find jingles and graphic effects unsettling by a certain hour lol. What comes up when you press Ctrl + V? “I reeeeally miss seeing you and your purple things and seeing you give glares to people who deserve it. what a lodi <333” omg aw. It’s Jane’s birthday today and I copied that bit of my greeting to move it to another paragraph so that my message would flow better. Out of the bands you listen to, were most of them around before or after you were born? After. When did you last jump out of fright? I don’t remember. Are you currently waiting on something? What? For a company to take me in. Does time pass slowly or quickly when you're on the internet? Usually it’s quickly, but now that I feel more and more useless around the house, time’s been more slow and for the first time the distractions of the internet haven’t been working. What about when you're at school / work? Depended on the amount of stuff I had to do and whether I’m enthusiastic about them or not. Does the thought of being pregnant gross you out? The thought of giving birth does, but not pregnancy. What was the last thing you made with your hands? I mean I made myself a cup of coffee tonight, but the coffee mix itself was already pre-packaged. I just mixed it with hot water. Are you good at making shadow puppets? I’d say no. Are you more hungry or thirsty right now? Neither. I’ve been so anxious and depressed these days I’m actually skipping every single meal except dinner, and even then I eat very little. I don’t even do it on purpose; my anxiety has simply stopped me from feeling hungry. No idea what the weighing scale’s gonna tell me the next time I check, sigh. Someone hire me plz. God it really sucks being a fresh grad in this current state of the world. Are you prone to headaches? No. They only come out during hectic schedules and stressful weeks. Do you forget things easily? The little and everyday things, like forgetting my school ID at home or where I placed my keys. But I don’t forget things that are more bigger-picture, like birthdays or faces or memories. Do you enjoy going out to dinner? I enjoy it and I terribly miss being able to do it. Would you ever go on a cruise ship holiday? I would and I have. Lots of fun. Would do again and again. What's your favourite sea animal? Dolphins and whales. Do you get coughs or colds more? Coughs.

#survey #surveys

[bbyboybrock--archived]

Serendipity (C.B) | Chapter 7

Summary: Serendipity: (n) the chance occurrence of events in a beneficial way

Popular youtuber Isabella Hart, known as Bella to her audience, bends over backwards to separate her youtube life from her private life. Known for her overall clean content and her bubbly attitude, Isabella has a wild side to her that only those inside the youtube community know about. When Bella meets Colby during one of the trap house parties she finally meets someone she can be her genuine self with. When trouble arises after their meeting, will Bella be able to hand the pressure or will she destroy her relationship with Colby as well as herself in the process. [This starts in 2018]

Written: 2019

Word Count: 2,688

Warnings: swearing

Serendipity Masterlist

I lay comfortably in Colby's bed editing my video while Colby edits his video at his desk. We've been like this all day, working on our stuff and barely acknowledging each other. There's nothing much to do during this fine July day. Both of us are backlogged on videos so we decided that we would spend the whole day editing. I came over early to help Colby film his main channel video while organizing my upload schedule. I came back from Hawaii yesterday and the companies have brand deals want their videos up asap. Colby is doing the finishing touches and fine editing on the Sam and Colby videos. Sam does the first round of editing, Colby goes and fine tunes everything, and then they review the last bit together and fix what needs to be fixed.

We only have today to do our work. Gabby is coming down from Kansas and the whole group has a packed week full of activities planned. There'll be times when Jake and Gabby are hanging out on their own but we're trying to pack in as many group activities as we can. The house has been hectic. When I came in the morning people were running around filming, editing, or cleaning. It's her first time at the house and Jake wants it to be as perfect as it can be. I can only imagine how Colby was the day he wanted me to meet his roommates.

I send all the brand deal videos that I edited to my manager to make sure that they are fine to upload and save my non-brand deal videos before closing my laptop. I sit up and crack my back as I stand up. As I stretch I notice how abnormally messy Colby's room is. I put my laptop to charge and put away the rest of my equipment before cleaning up Colby's room.

There's trash from the food that we had for both breakfast and lunch scattered across the room. I make Colby's bed, only because I was the one who messed it up in the first place. He actually made it and was awake before I got here. I pick up the random piles of clothes on the floor and throw them in his hamper. While I'm in his closet I check to see if he has clothes in his suitcase from his trip three weeks ago. He does and they're all dirty so I also throw them in the hamper. Feeling satisfied with my work I take the food trash and the lunch pail that I brought with ms downstairs.

When I get to the kitchen I see that someone has actually taken out the trash. I throw the food trash away and grab to plates. As I start pulling snacks out of my lunch bag I scan the house. It looks as clean as it's going to get. The floors are less sticky than they were a few hours ago. I don't think the guys know how to properly mop a floor, but at least they're trying.

"Hey, Izzy," Jake says as he comes down the stairs. He walks over to see me put two chocolate muffins on a plate.

"Hey, Jake, you finally stop running around?" I grab the spare muffin and hand it to him.

"Yeah. I'm going to leave in a few to pick up Gabby. I don't want to get caught in the LAX traffic." He unwraps the muffin and begins eating up. Jake is more calm than normal. He must be nervous.

"You two must be so excited. How long has it been since you two hung out?" I take an orange and cut it into even amounts. When I look up Jake's eyes look sad.

"We hung out a bit when I went home for the holidays. Anyway, I have to get going. Thanks for the muffin." Jake rushes out of the house. I roll my eyes and clean up before taking the snacks back to Colby's room.

****

I place a plate next to Colby and go sit on the couch. I watch Colby edit while I eat. Without being able to hear the audio or see the video clearly I got bored. Colby finished and saves the video. He takes his headphones off and looks at the muffin before starting to eat it. He looks around his room before turning to me with a quirked eyebrow.

"Did you clean my room again?" Colby laughs.

"I sees a mess, I cleans zthe mess. I was bored and I made some of it anyway." I finish my muffin and move onto my orange slices.

"Sorry, I should have cleaned up s bit more. Thanks for the snack."

"No problem. Just taking care of my mans when I can. By the way, Jake went to pick up Gabby so we should start getting ready." I finish my snack and go get the clothes that I packed for the next few days.

Just a simple white tank top with a pair of denim shorts. Jake said all of us were going to somewhere casual for dinner.

"Why don't you just leave some clothes here instead of bringing an overnight bag when you sleep over?" Colby emerges from the closet with his clothes in a balled up mess.

"Are you asking me to leave stuff here or are you actually asking why I don't do that?" I lay my clothes out on the bed and go and get my hair and makeup stuff set up on Colby's desk.

"Both. Just think about it while I'm in the shower. Unless you want to join me." Colby stands by the door with a stupid smirk on his face.

"You take long enough getting ready, I don't think you need the distraction." I stick my tongue out at him as I continue to get my things ready. Colby laughs as he leaves me alone in his room.

****

I quickly change in case someone comes in looking for Colby and forgets to knock. It's almost happened before and with Colby's door being broken, it's easy to forget. Luckily, I was mostly clothed and Colby and I weren't doing anything at those times.

I hear Colby's music start to play and I roll my eyes. Good thing nobody is trying to film right now, they'd have to stop and wait roughly 2 hours to start again. I turn on my own music and begin wiping off the makeup I put on this morning. I knew I wouldn't be doing anything important for most of the day. But I never know when someone is going to film so I always make sure I have at least natural looking makeup on. Not much, just to distract from my everyday walking dead look.

I'm a bit nervous about meeting Gabby. Kat and Devyn helped by making that group chat last month and the four of us have talked consistently. Despite the constant communication, I have this overwhelming feeling that Gabby doesn't like me. Although I can't be certain about that, it's hard to tell how people mean what they say over text. I could just be reading the whole situation wrong. Maybe she's just shy and it's taking her a while to warm up to me. Maybe she thinks that I'm hooking up with Jake.

She can't honestly think that Jake would film videos and document hangouts with the girl he's cheating with. Jake may be dumb, but he's not stupid enough to do that. If she does hate me for that reason, I don't even know how I'm going to bring it up. Am I supposed to go up to her and be like, 'Hey Gabby! Nice meeting you in person for the first time. By the way, I know the evidence seems pretty damning, but I am not doing anything with your boyfriend. We're just really good friends'? I think that would scare her off. All I know is that I have to make a good impression while she's here to avoid being the cause of someone else's relationship drama.

****

"Colby, stop!" I laugh as I run around. Colby made the mistake of putting his hand down on the counter without looking and got it in an open peanut butter sandwich that someone was making. His immediate thought was to touch me with his sticky peanut buttery fingers.

"Awe, babe, I just want to give you a hug. Let me love you!" Part of me knows that he's joking, but another part of me knows that he'll still get the peanut butter on me. Jake and Gabby are due home any second now and I don't need to be dirty.

"No, you ass, we don't have time for me to get ready again." I run in front of Corey, Aaron, and Sam who are talking in one of the living rooms. All of them see what's happening and none of them are helping me.

I quickly run into the 24 pee-pee room and lock the door. It's the only way I can think of getting away from him. I can't lock his bedroom door and I don't feel like hiding in his and Sam's bathroom upstairs.

"Fine! You won! I'll go wash my hand!" Colby shouts from the other door. Part of me doesn't believe him. I wait a few minutes by checking my makeup and taking some selfies.

I poke my head of the door and check to see if he actually left to wash the peanut butter off his hand. When I see that Colby is nowhere to be seen I leave the bathroom and start walking to the empty living room. As I walk I feel a hand snake around my waist. Luckily it's Colby's clean hand.

"Okay, okay! You win!" I try to wiggle away out of his grip as his peanut butter hand threatens to mess up my makeup. Someone clears their throat.

I look up to see Jake and Gabby standing awkwardly by the front door. Jake is holding Gabby's things with a slightly annoyed look on his face. I can't read Gabby yet.

Colby releases me and runs into the kitchen.

"Sorry about that, there was a minor situation with peanut butter. Gabby, it's nice to finally meet you in person!" I stick my hand out and watch as Gabby looks at me, then my hand before shaking it and plastering on a fake smile.

"Isabella, nice to meet you too." She lets go of my hand just as Colby walks back in and gives her a hug.

Jake and I look at each other while Colby and Gabby talk. Soon, everyone comes out to see Gabby and greet her. I suddenly feel a little out of place.

"Hey, I'm going to put these in my room, then we can all head out and meet the other." Jake begins walking upstairs before Gabby follows him. Everyone goes back to what they were doing before while Colby and I go and cuddle on the couch.

****

All of us walk into Chili's to meet everyone else for Gabby's welcome dinner. Jake invited the Slap House guys as well as Brennen. As luck would have it, I somehow got sandwiched between Colby and Brennen. I have no problem sitting next to my own boyfriend. I do have several problems sitting next to Brennen. Luckily for me, Brennen is too occupied with a conversation happening on his side of the table.

Colby talks to Sam and some other people on the other side of him. His hand is resting on my thigh like it sometimes is when we're in group settings. Sometimes he holds my hands, but I talk with my hands sometimes so it's easier for him to just hold my thigh.

"So Bella, when are you going to release music?" Xepher takes a sip of her drink.

"It's not really my brand, besides my stuff isn't good enough to release. What about you?"

"I'm working on it. Griffin is helping me a lot. Maybe you should ask him to help you." My eyes flash to Griffin who is sitting at the end of the table with Jake and Gabby.

"I'm good for now. I'll leave the music making to you, Mike, and Kat. Maybe one day,"

****

We keep talking as the waiter takes our orders. I don't think that all of us have hung out like this in a few weeks. Normally, at least one or two people are missing. Everyone is having a good time. There are several conversations going on at the table. There was only one problem with Brennen when he put his hand on my thigh and was slowly inching North. I got him to stop by spilling 'accidentally' spilling his drink on him. After that, he's been pretty hands off. I managed to get some on myself so Colby gave me his hoodie to keep me warm.

"Babe, I'll be right back. I'm going to the bathroom." I whisper in Colby's ear before getting up from the table.

I go to the bathroom and do my business. When I walk out of the stall I run into Gabby.

"Oh hey, Gabby, I didn't see you there." I roll up my sleeves and go to wash my hands.

"Isabella, can we talk?" She's standing in front of the door so even if I didn't want to talk, I couldn't leave.

"Uh, yeah, what do you want to talk about?" I finish washing my hands and start drying. I watch as Gabby fidgets uncomfortably.

"Is there anything going on between you and Jake?" I turn to her and quirk my eyebrows.

"Of course not. Jake and I are just really good friends. Besides, I'm dating Colby and I'm very much in... like with him."

"Why not in love? Haven't you guys been dating for like 5 months?" She quirks her eyebrows now.

"It's a complicated situation. Why do you think something is going on between Jake and me? Is it because of how often Jake and I are together online?"

"...Yeah."

"I know you barely know me, but trust me, Jake and I are just friends. I'm on all of the roommates' social media accounts and videos. Colby and I keep each other off of our channels and social media accounts because our relationship is a secret for now. Believe me, I'm not one of those girls who dates a guy to get to one of his friends."

"I'm sorry, it's just... Ever since Jake moved out here our relationship hasn't been doing well. There's the time difference and the fact that Jake and I are on completely different schedules. I don't know what or how's he doing and a part of me thinks that he's cheating on me. So when I starting see you two together all the time...We're always fighting and it's exhausting. I came down here to see if there's any way to salvage our relationship. I just love him so, so much and I can feel myself losing him." Gabby has tears in her eyes that are threatening to fall. I quickly engulf her in a hug and stroke her hair.

"Look, I don't like the idea of involving myself in other people's relationships. Just know that whatever happens, if you guys stay together or break up, it's going to work out in the end. You just have to talk to him and brace yourself for whatever happens." I let go of Gabby and grab her a paper towel.

"Thanks, it felt great to get that off of my chest. I feel bad for thinking that you were hooking up with Jake. I'm sorry for the things I called you in my head when I thought you were stealing my boyfriend." She wipes her eyes with the paper towel.

"It's fine, I'm sure that I would have done the same thing if I was in your position. We should go back, our food should be here now." Gabby checks her make up quickly and we both walk out of the bathroom arm in arm.

#colby #colby brock #colby fanfic #colby fan fic #colby fan fiction #colby fanfiction #colby brock fanfic #colby brock fan fic #colby brock fan fiction #colby brock fanfiction

[aleapoffaithfiction]

XIII.

I wanna know how much time you spent on them paragraphs Where you're getting me All that grey in our conversation history, you Playin' mind games, when you sayin' things 

“Stop, stop, stop. I’m done for the day. I’m…done.”

Beads of perspiration tickled the edges of my forehead as I quickly snatched a towel off of the couch and hobbled out of the living room. My momma’s sigh was loud enough for me to have heard it as I continued to distance myself from what was mentally and physically draining me minute by minute. Hisses spilled from my lips with every step that I took, but I continued to walk as best as I could until I was secluded from the hecticness happening within the house.

Dorsiflexion, plantarflexion, inversion, eversion, bilateral calf raises, unilateral calf raises, and everything else; I couldn’t take another second of it no matter how hard I tried to push myself through. With every movement, there’s this terrifying anxiety that washes over me and it causes me to want to take a seat and leave my ankle alone. I’ll never forget the feeling of when it snapped as I hit the ground. The wail that left me still haunts my conscious. As I was carted off of the field to be seen by the medical staff, I leaned over and threw up by the time we were deep into the tunnel. The excruciating pain evoked a trembling that I could not stop and the reality of my season being over worsened it. They didn’t have to tell me what I already knew.

The angst I dealt with while in the hospital took just as much of a toll on me as the injury itself. It might have even been worse. No matter how many drugs they pumped into me just to comfort me enough to send me into a slumber, I could still feel almost all of the discomfort and a never-ending throbbing from the surgical procedure performed to repair it. My stomach remained in knots while waves of nausea would randomly hit me from all of the morphine. My momma and Sarai kept stuffing me with food to decrease my complaints about it. With every doctor and nurse that walked in and out of the room for the week that I was there, it felt like a whirlwind that I was never going to be able to get out of. I’m thankful for my loved one’s efforts to be up there with me as much as they could, because I know I would have had some kind of a breakdown if I weren’t distracted by their conversations, jokes, card games, and overnight stays.

I’ve been doing two sessions of physical therapy per day for a little over a week now and despite their insistence that all is well, I can’t help but to feel like one wrong move will have me starting this process all over again. My ankle doesn’t feel the same. No matter how much they emphasize the fact that I’m still within the healing phase, it doesn’t stop me from noticing how unsteady I feel without the walking boot on and the difference in how the bone used to feel. Time is of the essence. I know that now more than ever, but my mental state isn’t there just yet.

During interviews, I get asked all the time, what would I be doing if I weren’t playing football and half of the time I either give a bullshit response or I genuinely respond that I don’t know. I really don’t know and I don’t want to know. Ever since I was a kid, I knew I’d be professional athlete. Whether it was basketball, soccer, baseball, or football, I was assured in myself making it. Football came to me the easiest and put me in the best position to go pro, so I put my all into it. I love my job. It can be a rollercoaster ride of different emotions and predicaments, but I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else. God has to be on my side with this. My ankle has to heal right.

“Hey. You okay?” Her soft tone immediately caught my attention and I panned my eyes in my momma’s direction as she stood in the doorway. Her lack of entry was her way of giving me some space.

“I’m good. I’m good.” At least, I want to be.

“What’s bothering you?”

“It just doesn’t feel the same. I’ve been injured before. You know I fractured two bones in my back at Newman. Of course, my rookie year in the league, I tore my hamstring twice. But this shit? I don’t know. I was confident in my comeback for those, but it’s hard to paint the picture now with it feeling like my ankle is capable of snapping again at any minute. Excuse my language, by the way. Sorry for cursing.”

“You had more x-rays done two weeks ago and we spoke to both the surgeon and the specialist. There isn’t a better fix than the one that you have right now. You wouldn’t have been cleared for physical therapy if it wasn’t time. You’re still healing son. It’s not going to happen overnight. This is much different from your fractured back and hamstring issues. Give it some time.”

“I’m trying to.”

“It’s only been a little under three months since the operation. The road to full recovery continues.”

“Right.” I didn’t mean to sound dismissive, but I’m tired of thinking about it. None of this was on my mind while I was in New Orleans.

“Why don’t you try the aquatic therapy before you end the day? It’ll be like yesterday with you just lying in the water. He said it’s the last thing he wanted to do with you before they get out of here anyway.” I rarely ever take naps, but I’d rather do that so that I can shut down my thoughts for a while rather than sitting in some water and wallowing in them even more.

“Alright. Give me a minute.”

I was in no rush to move. What should have taken two minutes or less turned into ten. My slow trailing to the master bathroom was deliberate and yet the patience remained between both my momma and one of the many physical therapists and trainers I’m going to be working with before this entire process is all said and done.

“Give me twenty minutes Beckham and you’re done. I won’t push you any further. You’ve done very well today.”

“Alright. Cool.”

In an effort to shift my thoughts elsewhere, I put my wireless Beats headphones over my head. Drake’s “Nothing Was the Same” served as my sitting soundtrack. His discography was the last thing I was listening to anyway, so I might as well continue on with it.

I miss you.

An alert with Sarai’s message popped up at the top of the screen and my eyes instantly narrowed at the words she chose to send. Thoughts of her is something else I’ve been trying to avoid since I opened my eyes this morning and it’s been the hardest task of them all.

I knew life would go back to normal once the jet landed in Teterboro, New Jersey and we were back into the reality of our lives outside of one another but I didn’t know it would turn into over a week of nothingness. I know the hours she works five days a week can be exhausting, so I’m more than willing to come to her to make it easier but Taylor being in town has kept me at way more than just an arm’s length away from her.

All I’ve been left with is watching her every morning on the show and the occasional text messages she’d send to check on me; not even phone calls. Yesterday afternoon, she told me that she planned to come and spend the night with me and I eagerly held her to that until she flaked on me late last night with an excuse of being too tired to move off of her couch. So, her missing me isn’t holding much weight right now. I don’t doubt it, but I’m ten minutes away. It doesn’t take much to see me.

I thought I was going to sleep with you last night and waking up to you this morning. You wouldn’t have had to miss me if that happened.

I believe in the savior, I read the bible, although it’s not as often as it should be, and I wholeheartedly believe in all of the plans that he has for me. I’m not as prone to look into anything beyond that when it comes to souls and spirituality but I’ve found myself in a space of wonder and now a quiet acceptance at what I’ve felt since we landed in my home. In my choice to invite her out there, I thought it would be a nice getaway for herself and a way to further us getting to explore things about one another that you’ll never be able to find on the internet. That exploration has emotionally driven me to a point of no return.

Just the sound and sight of her laughter evoked responses from my body that I know she didn’t notice with her keen eyes but I certainly felt within me. Whether it was the fluttering with my stomach or my need to protect her intensifying; it was there. Every conversation we shared stored into my memory, word by word, and played back many times over so they’d forever be engraved.

Our quiet outings with one another didn’t feel like dates. I feel like there are expectations and far too many impressions that you need to leave on a person whenever the date title is involved, although I don’t mind using it. With Sarai, it just felt like I was hanging out with one of my best friends. What impressed us didn’t involve extravagance. She actually scolded me for renting such a massive space for us to reside in during our stay. All we did was eat and bask in one another and the time we were able to spend away from here. Mentally, I never mustered up a single thought about our intimacy going beyond us only spending time together without any outside interruptions. Despite my quiet yearning for her, there was no pressure or haste for any of that. Throughout that day, I could feel a shift in the energy between us. I couldn’t quite explain it or comprehend what it meant, but the way it radiated between the two of us said far more than any words spilling from our lips ever could.

Our limbs only responded to what our souls were calling for. Every inch of her connected to me in a perfection that I’ve never experienced in the life that I’ve lived thus far. Her taste; my God. Anything that has gone through the test of my tasting is incomparable. Her nectar distinctively tastes like it’s made solely for me and I’m drunkenly hooked; I can never have enough of it.

As my flesh drowned into hers, I lost myself into her world. My awareness solely became hers. It became my mission to learn her every tick, gasp, and need. Nothing else mattered. Her haven welcomed me, leaving me safe and sound within her arms. The tears that filled her eyes evoked a flood of them into mine. She rendered me to speechlessness.

I could only show her my every emotion. I didn’t know I was waiting for her until now. I didn’t know how much I needed her until now. How could such flawlessness exist? I….just. How can I put it into words? It’s never been this way for me before. I’ve always been someone in control of most things about myself and of what I allow into my life but Sarai? She’s shaken me up to the core. I am willingly at her mercy. I know no other way to be for her.

It’s unnerving and yet beautiful all at once. I find myself laughing at myself because I never thought I’d be here. After all of the juvenile conversations I’ve had with my pops and a shit ton of my friends, I figured the bachelor or temporary relationship life would be it for me until I randomly settled down with some long-term girlfriend later on down the line. As they all put it, it would be less troublesome and no paperwork involved. I could see why the easy way out is appealing, but the harsh reality is that it wouldn’t be worth it.

I’m sorry, babe. I really was tired. After finishing up an episode of the Podcast yesterday evening, I ended up having to head right into the city for a birthday dinner. By the time I got home, I had no energy to do anything other than sleep.

I don’t even want to argue. What’s the point of doing so over something that’s such an easy fix?

So, what’s our plans for tonight then?

Shep is throwing Chanel a surprise gathering in a venue room in condominium they currently reside in. He’s proposing to her at some point today and then the party is celebrating that and her birthday tonight. He and I had a couple of conversations about the deep love that he has for her and he’d been telling me that he found the one for him maybe a month or two after they got into a relationship. I remember when he came over here to tell me that he planned to propose and I wasn’t shocked in the slightest. I just told him how proud I am of him for taking such a huge step and jokingly said that I wouldn’t be doing it any time soon.

Sterling reached out to me and invited me to a party tonight for Chanel. I’m sure that you know about it and will most likely be there. I have an event that I have to go to prior to it but I may stop by to give her my love.

I almost ruined the surprise aspect of the party two days ago. I was in the car with Shep and I took the phone from him and told her that we’d see her on Friday for her birthday, but thankfully she didn’t think anything of it. He didn’t tell me he was inviting Sarai though, with his sneaky ass.

And after that?  

If my ankle wasn’t in its current state, I’d suggest that we go skiing this weekend. I can’t afford the possibility of falling though; at least not right now. We’ll have to hold off on that until next year around this time.

Your place.

Taylor must still be around.

I’m holding you to that.

If she shows up to the party tonight, we can just proceed back here from there, hopefully together.

You have my word. See you tonight.

Now what the hell am I going to wear?

“Where you heading to momma?” I pulled my red Supreme x Louis Vuitton hoodie over my head before glancing over at her. The comfort wear she had on earlier was gone and she switched up into stuff she typically wears when she’s heading out for a night on the town. The Chanel bag on her shoulder is one of those random gifts from me. I picked it up the other day because I felt like she’d like it. I got something for my baby too.

“Dinner with Tammy. You need anything before I head out?”

“Nah. I’m good.”

“Make sure you give Chanel and Sterling my love. Tell them I said congratulations. I’m so thrilled for them.”

“I will.” With the pictures the two of them shared on social media, the news is already heavily circulating around all of the social media apps.

“You coming back home tonight?”

“Yeah, why?” A snicker slipped out as I glance over at her again. Where did that question come from?

“I don’t know. It’s the weekend. I figured you’d be hanging out or something.”

“Yeah, I’m going to the party. After that, I’m supposed to kick it with Sarai here.” That’s what she really wanted to know but she just didn’t want to be obvious with her nosiness.

“Oh good. That way you can stop moping around here.”

“Moping? I haven’t been moping.”

“Oh yes you have. The last time I seen you smile extra hard was over a week ago when we all had breakfast together before you two left to fly back home. Since then, you’ve been around here with the sour face. Oh, young love. I miss those days.”

“Yeah, okay momma.” As I playfully rolled my eyes, she giggled and shook her head. She’s nearly as blissful about this as I am. She spent more time conversing with Sarai in the kitchen than she did with me the morning before we left. It turns out they share quite a bit in common, including running track and field in high school and their love of fashion.

“Give her my love too. Maybe she and I can have that lunch date we spoke about. I’ll shoot her text tomorrow.”

“I will.”

Once I grabbed my phone to look at the time, I immediately sucked my teeth because I’m damn near late. That brief nap I took ran over far more time than it should have. I should have been ready a long ass time ago and I’m still standing here in the mirror, putting on jewelry.

“I need to get out of here. I hope the driver is outside.”

I would have driven myself over there, but I don’t know how much I’m going to drink tonight and I’d rather not risk having to sleep on Shep’s couch on the night that he got engaged to the love of his life. That’s cockblocking on a whole new level.

“Be safe tonight.”

“Will do. I left the car keys on the coffee table for you.” As soon as I clasped my watch on my arm, I slipped my phone into my pocket and shut all of the lights off in my bedroom. Yet again, I sucked my teeth and turned around to turn a few of them back on. I couldn’t leave without making up the bed. It would be tasteless of me to have her lay in it with the blanket and the sheets all over the place. Lastly, I jogged into the closet and grabbed one of my practice t-shirts to place on her side of the bed so she’ll have something to sleep in.

“The car is here!”

“On my way down right now.”

I didn’t even bother with turning off the lights again. I just grabbed Chanel’s gift, trekked down the stairs, gave my momma a kiss, and ran out of the door. I already know Shep is like five seconds off of calling to see where I’m at.

When we first spoke about the surprise party, initially the plans were to do something bigger but after taking Chanel’s personality into consideration and the importance of the moment, the intimate setting fit better. From the time I walked through the doors, I appreciated the vibe. There’s nothing industry about it. There’s no paparazzi flooding the front of the building, like it would have been if he booked out some nightclub in Manhattan.

There are no cameras or media personalities walking around the partying looking for some hot take to post for the sake of driving up the website traffic for whatever publication or blog they work for. The only camera being worked around the room is Jeff’s and he’s doing so to create memories for the happy couple. Aside from our teammates, who we consider to be our brothers, no one here is really what anyone would consider to be industry and I’m glad of that.

“This nigga really has on a Supreme walking boot. You can’t get no swaggier than that.” Otto drew attention to my boot as soon as he pointed down at it and I instantly stuck out my foot to show it off in a playfully exaggerated manner. Every time I wear this thing, it’s pointed out with some kind of commentary. It’s definitely something I would do, but I can’t take credit for it this time. Sarai gets it all, though I can’t brag on it by saying that.

“Aye, you know me.”

I dipped my chip down into the dip bowl for yet another round of the snack that I’ve damn near eaten all of. It’s been a minute since I’ve been to a party with a good ass dip. Shep gon’ have to tell me where that came from.

“Thank you for the gift lil’ big bro. I can’t wait to wear it.” Chanel wrapped me into another bear hug. I’d gotten her a diamond necklace made with Shep’s number on it that’s identical to the one that I got for him. I remembered her talking about stealing his, so I figured I’d get her one made so it wouldn’t have to come down to that. It falls right in line with that corny couple shit that they love anyway.

“It’s no problem. I’m happy for ya’ll. I appreciate you for making my lil’ brother happy. You really are his whole heart.”

“And he’s mine.” Her eyes panned down to my phone for a brief second. I’d just liked the picture Sarai shared on Instagram. She’s covered in velvet from head to toe and she looks absolutely incredible. I couldn’t just skim away from it like I’d do any other picture on my timeline.

“And she’s yours huh? I think she’s coming tonight.”

“I heard.”

“Look at how your eyes just lit up. I’m happy for you too.”

“Happy about what?” As hard as it is, I had to play it off for the sake of practice. I’ve always been private and reserved about certain aspects of my life, but with this, sometimes I just want to proudly scream it from the mountain tops. Sometimes I want to be just as proud as the next man who is happily committed to someone.

“You know what I’m happy about. Besides, your boy can have a big mouth sometimes. I’ve heard about a lot, including the trip.” Her wink immediately made me look over at Shep, who had been dancing by the ping pong table for the past couple of minutes.

“Aye Shep! We on that table!” I shouted loud enough to be heard over the music and he instantly threw me a thumbs up in agreement for the ass whooping that’s about to come. He’s not seeing me in ping pong.

“Aw. I didn’t mean to put you in the hot seat.”

“You didn’t. It’s cool.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, it’s cool. I’m good.”

I don’t know what to say about her and I. I know what I want to say but none of that can be it. I had to choose somebody to fully confide in and Shep was it. I just needed an ear to not only vent about the frustrating times we’ve had thus far, but also to excitedly discuss how joyed I am. I figured if anyone could relate to me and what I’m feeling right now, it had to be him so he’s my go to. While my momma and siblings know the basic aspects of she and I, Shep knows it all…down to the ultimate intimacy we’ve shared.  

Based upon Sarai’s standards, that’s probably one too many people. I stand firm in my belief that no one on her end knows about me; not even Taylor.

“You ready for this ass whooping?”

“A hundred dollars on it?” I knew he’d turn it into a bet.

“Bet.”

What started out as an intense and yet hilarious game turned into nothing more than us dancing around the table to Future songs. Our locker room antics made its way to the small area that didn’t have any furniture and a dance off began. Aside from being on the field, it’s what I’ve been missing the most. After practice or after one hell of a game, we ease the tension away by putting on a Beats Pill in the locker room and just rocking out right in the middle of the floor. Sometimes we’ll even get Eli’s off beat ass into the mix.

I catch plenty of criticism for all of the dancing, but I really don’t give a fuck about any of that. I’ve learned since coming into the league how much people aim to deliberately steal your joy because they’re either miserable or just don’t want to see you being happy. I can’t live my life trying to please people like that because I’ll end up in that same mental space.

“Throw on that Free Smoke!”

Italian bergamot sprinkled with warm cinnamon slithered past my nose. Cocoa and hints of jasmine left me in a state of total surrender as I stood still, looking like the odd one amongst the rowdy crew. I smelled her before I could see her. It’s the same exact scent that oozed from her skin the night I left my kisses on every part of her that I desired to. Those chargrilled oysters we had with the crawfish were nothing in comparison to the aphrodisiac that is her scent. I can feel myself flinching in my pants and I’ve yet to turn around.

All it took was a glance over my shoulder for me to see her wrapped up into Chanel’s arms. In her hands were two shopping bags from Gucci. Like women tend to do, they were fawning over one another with compliments and kisses to their cheeks. Her milk chocolate skin illuminated under the dim lighting with a glow unlike any other woman in the room, including the bride to be. I know it to be true, because what was once a crew of dancers, turned into an audience for her.

“Sarai!”

Shep left us all to stand there looking like morons. As the seconds went by, I was the last moron standing in place. If they weren’t going to greet her, they were going to meet her. Though she’d protest against anyone ever deeming her to be anything of the sort, she became the power in the room just that quickly.

Our eyes met briefly. Her wave was like that of one that she’d give a stranger randomly walking by. It was calculated and without emotion. I could only nod in response to it. The table I was once sitting at awaited me and I returned to it without much said. What could I say anyway?

“You good?” I threw back another glass of Ace of Spades with a nod. I could smell the Hennessy on his breath as he flopped down into the chair next to me. My stomach couldn’t handle dark liquor tonight, especially not mixed in with champagne. I’ll be throwing up my insides in no time If I try it.

“I’m good.”

“Otto tryna’ steal your girl.” Oh, I know. His mouth may not be saying it, but his eyes are. If he bites his lip one more time, I just might launch this bottle at his head. He’s over there deliberately standing amongst the women just to be in her face.

“I know. I see him.” The amusement on Shep’s face said it all. He’s entertained by all of this.

“You should see your face. You look like you want to kill him. That’s why I came over here. Cool down tiger.”

“I’m cool.”

“You in love huh?” I don’t even want to talk about love and if I’m in it right now. Love is complex. Is that why I’m in a maze right now?

“Shep, my girl is in the room, and I can’t speak to her. I have to sit here and watch my teammate all but ask for her number, and I can’t say a motherfucking thing. You want to talk about love when we’re in that type of space?”

“Yeah, because you wouldn’t be reacting this way if it weren’t involved.”

“I’m not reacting.”

“But you are. I just said that you look like you want to kill something. You look like one wrong move and you’re going to fuck up this party.”

“I would never do that.”

“I know that, but you’re on the edge. You’re my brother. I can see it. It’s nothing wrong with it. She is too. You just have your heart on your sleeve.” And that’s the frightening part.

“Yeah, just me.”

“Not just you. Just you within this moment.”

“Why did I have to go the complex route? Look at you and Cha Cha. Ya’ll are happy and just living life. There are no restrictions or obstacles in your way. My situation? It’s nothing but that. I’ve never wanted something so bad in my life, bro. At one point, all I could think about was winning chips. It’s what drove me, aside from making sure that my family is good. It still does, but now, the first thing on my mind when I wake up in the morning is her. I’m going to sleep thinking about her. I’m thinking about shit for my life that I swore off.”

“So, love.” His laughter wasn’t loud enough to draw attention to us but I could hear it well enough as I watched her shake hands with Brad. He and I go way back to LSU, but I’ll still check his ass if need be.

“Whatever, man.”

“Nothing worth something comes to you easily. That can be said for anything in life. Chanel and I were not as easy as you assume. We just worked at it from the very beginning and shit just flowed. She played hard to get for a lil’ minute. You know that.”

“I know.”

“Ya’ll got something special. I know it because I’ve never seen you like this before. I’ve never even heard you talking like his. We talk about God all the time. What you were once just admiring and thought was a silly crush made its way into your life and proved itself to be something for you. I don’t think that’s some coincidence. What’s for you is for you. Trust it. Those are your words, not mine. I just believe in them just as much as you do now.” During one of our earlier conversations about all of this, I did say that. I still don’t think it’s a coincidence. It’s a blessing for sure, but even your blessings come with a couple of lessons to learn.

“I hear you.”

“Alright then, so get your ass up.”

I thought we were going back to the ping pong table, but he was pulling me out there to dance. This time around, it wasn’t just an all guy thing. We got the women in the room involved in too. Sarai? Not so much. She sat with a cup of soda in her hand and exhaustion in her eyes. The long work day and whatever event she attended tonight drained out whatever energy she had left.

“Bruh, I might shoot my shot. I know so many have tried and failed, but fuck it. I’m willing to take the L.” Liquid courage revved up Otto’s boldness as he hung off my shoulder and ogled at the prize; my prize. In an instant my jaw clenched.

“She doesn’t look like she’s up for that.” And neither am I.

“She looks like she’s chilling to me. You got some gum or something?”

“Nah.”

“Aye man. Chill out. Abort that mission immediately. She out of ya league playboy.” Shep’s joke earned laughter out of the both of them. It served as a much needed distraction. Instead of approaching her, he was now wrapped up in a senseless conversation while I leisurely made my way across the room to be within inches of her presence.

“Tired?” As soon as I extended my hand, she latched hers onto it for a handshake. The warmth of her palm soothed the pressure within my shoulders and back effortlessly. Apprehension filled her eyes as she turned her head from side to side to take in the room.

“Very.”

“Head start?” I reached into my pocket for my keys and slowly withdrew them. Her eyes instantly widened.

“Beckham.”

“No one is paying attention to us. Just shake my hand again.” As she had done just a moment ago, she placed her hand onto mine and just like that, my house keys were in her possession.

“See you in a bit.”

I walked away before she had a chance to tell me to do so and within minutes, she began to make her rounds to bid her goodbyes to those who she knew. She spoke with Chanel for an extended time, as I expected, and with a final wave and thanks for the invitation, she left out as quietly as she came in. Her head start wouldn’t be too extended because I’m getting out here soon. I don’t need to become any tipsier than I already am. The next morning hangover is never pretty.

“We don’t have save the dates or anything like that ready, but I’m telling you now that I need you as one of my groomsmen.” I immediately dapped him in appreciation. I’ve only been to one wedding in my life and the experience was boring as hell if you ask me. I need some sort of redemption and I’m honor to be a part of one of my closest friends’ big day.

“You got it brother. Just let me know when and where. We gon’ make that bachelor weekend something epic.”

“Ya’ll better. Not too crazy though.”

“Look at you. Already washed up and you ain’t even walk down the aisle yet.”

“You starting to look a little washed too brother.” His laughter was solo. If he didn’t think I lived out Jay-Z’s “Big Pimpin” verse every day, he wouldn’t find any of this so funny. I was and am not that damn bad.

“You know what, I’m out. You clowning.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know where you’re rushing too. It’s cool. Hit me tomorrow.”

“Bet. Congratulations again. As your pops, I couldn’t be any prouder of you son.”

“Man, if you don’t go somewhere.”

After our shared hug, I didn’t go around the room for any goodbyes, because if I did, I would have been there for another hour. My parting was general and I left out after using the bathroom.

Having to ring my own doorbell may have been the funniest part of the night. Initially, it was awkward, but I ended up slightly laughing when an annoyed Sarai opened the door after I pressed the bell one too many times.

I didn’t expect so much darkness when I stepped into the house. She hadn’t gone anywhere besides the living room because it was the only light on. My momma beat us here, because the car’s in the driveway. She has to be sleeping.

“Really?” I figured she’d go straight to bed, but instead, she returned back to her position of being sprawled out on all of the floor with not just Mowgli and Eris, but Khan and Blackjack too. She had The Wood on to preoccupy her time. She hadn’t even taken off her jacket. The heels were off though.

“If I didn’t stay awake, how else were you going to get in?”

“I thought you’d at least change your clothes.”

“You want me walking around your home in a t-shirt while your mother’s here? That may not be the best idea.” Usually as soon as I walk in the door, all four of the dogs are at my feet and awaiting my attention. Tonight, they didn’t even flinch at the sight of me. She’s not only casted her spell on me, but on them too.

“You hungry or thirsty?”

“I had some coconut water when I came in. I’m alright. I think I may be coming down with something. Like a flu, maybe.”

“Like a stomach flu?” As she leaned forward, I flopped down on the couch behind her and she leaned her back against it again. My next move was to grab her ponytail so that I could run my fingers through it.

“No. Like a cold or something. I have a headache and my throat is slightly sore. Maybe it’s because I’m tired and have been talking all day. I hope it’s that.”

“Want some aspirin?”

“I took some already. I keep a bottle in my bag.”

“You should just go to bed then. It’s not like you have to get up in the morning. You can sleep in. I won’t bother you.” We’ll be sleeping in together, because I’m tired my damn self. I’ve been up since six. That nap did nothing for me.

“After the movie. I just put it on. You had therapy today?”

“Yeah.” Though we can talk to one another about anything, I didn’t want to say much of anything about that. After today’s frustration, I feel like somewhat of a failure.

“How was it?”

“It wasn’t my best effort. Every time I step down on it with all of my weight, it just feels unsteady. The discomfort isn’t easy either. Shit, I’m feeling some soreness from all of the dancing I was doing tonight.” The movie became an afterthought as she turned around and reached for the boot, she gifted to me. The dogs and myself looked on as she slowly released the straps and pulled it off. Relief washed over me when I felt the freeness.  

“What are you doing?” My feet aren’t the prettiest. I didn’t expect her to pull my sock off but she did. Slowly, her fingers kneaded into my ankle. Yet again, it’s another moment of me wondering if she’s real or mythical.

“You have to trust it. Most of all, you have to trust yourself. Once you do that, all of the worry will be behind you.”

“I’m working on that.”

“You know your body better than anyone else does. You take better care of your body than most people I know. I read how you put at least three hundred thousand dollars into your body during the off season to make sure you’re well and ready for the fall. This is no different. Believe in your process and the ankle will follow.” She leaned her head down and aligned her lips at the beginning mark of the surgical scar. Finally, she trailed kisses down its entirety and back up to the beginning point where she started. Chills gradually trickled all over my frame as I lay there in silence. Sometimes I can’t stand the sight of that scar and here she is, kissing it.

“Flaws and all, Beckham. Flaws and all.”

“Thank you.”

It’s one thing to quietly hope that someone accepts you with any flaws that you may come with, but it’s something spiritual to hear it being told to you. I’ve known of her acceptance since she stood up for me. It was the first time in a long time that I not only felt understood, but also properly seen, heard, and genuinely applauded.

“Just trust it.” She placed one last kiss over my scar and lazily flopped back down into the position she was once in before.

Though she missed a few minutes of the movie, she didn’t bother with rewinding it. My fingers found their way back into her ponytail as I attempted to watch it along with her. It failed to keep my attention for more than ten minutes. No matter how hard I tried stay awake, my body’s plea for sleep won.

“Sarai.” The TV read just ten minutes after five in the morning. What started off as a comfortable sleep turned into me tossing and turning for more space than I had. I should have gotten in the bed in the first place.

“I know you not asleep on that floor.”

The dogs were still there but she wasn’t. The boots were no longer alongside the couch and instead of her black bag still being on the coffee table, my keys were there.

Suddenly the urge to fall back to sleep ceased as disappointment overwhelmed me.

#fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #fan fic #odell beckham jr fanfic #odell beckham fanfic

[momracha-blog]

my heart breathed  ― kim seungmin

word count : 5.1k summary : it takes several years, a camera and an entire exhibit, curated by one kim seungmin to finally understand what a SOULMATE was. pairing : photography student!kim seungmin / gender neutral!reader note : it’s been a while since i’ve written anything so long so have mercy on me. i’ve tried my best but would appreciate some feedback ?? it’s also heavily unedited so i apologize for weird grammar. yikes.  and i discovered i can’t write endings for life, so even more apologies.

I  -- soulmates, who ??

         you grew up with seungmin, there were no secrets between the two of you. everything was SHARED amongst the two of you -- if one had it, the other must also have it. it wasn’t a surprise for your parents to find items belonging to the other at their home...seungmin and you were each other’s family’s honorary member ( if that made any sense ). you two embodied what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours in perfect harmony...sharing is caring is what you’d say but only if it was with seungmin.          when boys teased you about having cooties, seungmin still grasped your hand tightly and stuck his tongue out at the other boys, “only dumb-dumbs like you would get cooties !! y/n !! don’t go near them, you’ll catch their dumb-dumb germs !!”. he always came to your rescue, always stood right by your side ( even if you may be in the wrong ) and defended you.          when girls bullied seungmin for having more crayons or drawing better, you didn’t HESITATE to yank some pigtails, “leave minnie alone !!” you would demand, “you’re just jealous because your picture sucks and the teacher will never put it up !!” you continue, sticking out your tongue then go right back to helping seungmin pick up dropped crayons or smooth out crumpled papers...          you relied on seungmin as he relied on you ; you kissed each other’s wounds better, protected one another and clung to one another.          everyone knew you two came and went as pairs ; if there was ONE of you, the other wasn’t far behind. you two always knew where each other was and would be, as if your minds are connected. your parents said it was probably because seungmin was your SOULMATE, your friends say that maybe seungmin was your long lost twin some long time ago -- both incredulous explanations.          whatever the explanation was for how the two of you fit together like pieces of a puzzle, it didn’t matter to you ; what mattered was that you hoped you got to spend the rest of your life with on KIM SEUNGMIN.          your parents never failed to remind the two of you about the one time the two of you pledged to marry one another once you two were old enough and that he would take care of you and make you the happiest person on earth...          at the time, you’d scoff because seungmin was your best friend, your brother from another mother...you can’t marry your own family !! if only you knew that life had something else for you.

II -- cliches, niches and cliques

         entering high school, another milestone in your life, was both exhilarating and scary but you knew you can handle it if you had seungmin. the first few days were hectic, rushing from one class to another, getting lost in the hallway, making new friends, losing connections with old ones.          losing...that was a terrifying word, yet somehow, a few months into the school year, you found a new group of friends and you know seungmin has also found his own niche to meld into, his own CLIQUE to be with. he always invited you to sit with him during lunch, any outings with his new friends, he’d invite you along...he never forgot about you because you were his other half but you always felt like you were intruding.          “hey, y/n !! jeongin and the others wants to go karaoke after school. wanna come ?? it’ll be fun, c’mon !! it’s been a while since we hung out !!”          “sorry, minnie....i have a lot of homework to do tonight,” -- a lie          “c’mon !! we can do homework together later !! i just wanna hang out with my best friend !!” -- it’s different, you think...it’s not just the TWO of you. it’s you and THEM. you feel like you’re fighting a losing battle because seungmin has found other people he wanted to be with.          “i really can’t, seungmin. i seriously need a headstart on all this work.” -- you left it at that, not another chance to convince you to go, you just turned to leave.          you always knew about seungmin’s love for PHOTOGRAPHY so hearing that he joined the club was no surprise to you. when he first discovered his love of photography, he was always so EAGER to show you the photos he had taken, and that made you feel special. but now, he shows them to anyone that wanted to see, you were no longer FIRST in his list anymore.          you tried to find something that interested, something to distract you from the forming loneliness in your heart -- maybe this is your fault, you were pushing him away after all -- but never found any, so you spent many afternoons walking home alone.          that was the FIRST time you come to realize that you two were so DIFFERENT, the thought struck you hard. the two of you always thought you were halves of a WHOLE, but high school changed that thought -- you two were as different as two sides of the moon...sociable and fun-loving kim seungmin with quiet, timid you.

III --- puberty hit too HARD

         puberty hit like a truck...or at least, you thought it hit seungmin like a truck while you remained the same old ( blegh ) you. he got handsomer as days wore on, you swore each time you see him, your heart skips a beat. you have always loved the way he smiles and laughs, the way his eyes twinkle with mischief...but as he got older, more features filled in and accentuated his visage perfectly. god, how can someone be so DORKY and so handsome at the same time ?!          BE STILL, MY HEART !! seungmin is your best friend !! your brother !! your half to a whole. don’t ruin it with your gross imagery. but you will always admit and proudly so, that your best friend was one of the HANDSOMEST in the school, yet you could never work up the confidence in yourself so you resigned yourself to the fact that you’ll never be as beautiful as seungmin.          “our seungminnie is growing up !!” your mother’s coo at the male.          “eomma, please....we’re trying to do our homework !!”          “it’s so odd to hear my voice like this...” seungmin frowns, the way his voice was unsteady and cracks every few sentences. sometimes it was DEEP, sometimes it was a bit higher pitched...         “you’re gonna be a heartthrob once everything settle down,” your dad chuckles, hand reaching out to ruffle seungmin’s hair.          “appa !! enough !! out !! we’ve got homework to do !!” you screeched, was it because you were JEALOUS over what your father said ?? that seungmin is going to get handsomer and handsomer, while you’re just stuck where you are ?? not getting any taller or prettier or whatever that was supposed to happen during puberty ??          insecurity grew in your heart as people flocked to seungmin -- people were starting to notice your best friend more and more, you became an extra in his life. you withdrew more and more...anxiety and upset ate at your mind -- you’re not perfect, not BEAUTIFUL like the photographs seungmin always excitedly showed you. you were a black stain in the perfect world seungmin captures through his viewfinder.          you wished the world would forget you, so you got quieter and quieter...you made yourself smaller and smaller. but there was a problem -- SEUNGMIN never forgets you, you were the half to his WHOLE, you were his ‘special’ someone.

IV -- running away ?!

         graduation was approaching and that meant it was time to DECIDE on a career, a school to go to. you knew that seungmin was definitely going to a school where he can further his photography career...maybe this was your chance to RUN, hide from him and the stormy emotions in your heart.          problem ?? your life was so TIED with seungmin, you couldn’t imagine a day without seeing him ( god, you sound like you have separation anxiety ). you thought you’d always be with seungmin that you never really THOUGHT about what you wanted to do, what interested you. now that sounds pathetic -- you just totted behind seungmin like a lost child, doing god knows what and now you’re stuck.          “do you know what you wanna do when you graduate ??”          “no....i just, i’m not sure yet.” you admit, this was probably something you should have tried to figure out earlier, not just a few weeks before applications and testings were supposed to happen. “do you ??” you returned the question, not that you needed an answer, you knew what he was going to say.         “yeah, i’m applying for photography. i’m hoping i get in but i hear it’s super competitive.” he frowns ( you hate it when he frowns...it doesn’t look good on his face ).          “have faith, minnie....you’re the best photographer anyone knows, you’ll get in, believe me.” you declare, despite the bubbling anxiety ( and maybe a slight dislike ), you still wanted to be SUPPORTIVE of him.          “you’re right !! who could deny entry to the great kim seungmin anyways ??” he states. god, you wished you had his confidence sometimes....you wished you had a lot of things seungmin had but settled on imagining. that was the last you two spoke about post-secondary school...a part of you was glad he didn’t continue to pry, yet another part of you was BITTER that he didn’t follow up or tried to support you in seeking out your life goals.          graduation came and went, and you ended up in the SAME school as seungmin, again -- much to his DELIGHT and your slight resentment.          you wanted to get away but you couldn’t  -- that night, you come to realize why...in the midst of your storming mind, the pounding of your heart, you realize that you have FALLEN for your best friend ; the how and why, you had no clue but your mother always said LOVE worked in mysterious ways. you blamed the fact that you two grew up together ; that you were mistaking familial love for romantic love.          as you fell asleep, you ponder -- does seungmin remember the childhood pledge ??

V -- conceal, don’t feel

         good thing about post-secondary ?? the school is SO freaking huge, you never had to worry about not being able to avoid seungmin.          bad thing about knowing kim seungmin for so long ?? he knew you well...which meant, he knew just how to always catch you outside of lecture halls when your class ended. he knew where you liked to have lunch ( and always came prepared with your favorites ).          even worse ?? you two were ROOMMATES...expected but not welcomed, you had no idea how to avoid seungmin around the flat and you couldn’t say NO to your best friend whenever he wanted to crash in your room to study together.          “okay, so we both know that we’re TERRIBLE at keeping on track when we’re studying, so !!” seungmin declares, barging into the room with his laptop in hand and his backpack slung over his shoulder.          “you mean you have a terrible track record of procrastinating and slacking off,” you retort.         “y/n ~~” he whines unhappily as he promptly settles on the floor next to your bed, “humor me and help me out !! i really need to study, it’s 25% of my marks !!”          “okay, okay. fine. but why my room ?? we can just study in the living room....” you huff, watching him make himself comfortable in your room.          “your room is bigger and this reminds me of back when we were in high school,” he responds, and you fall silent....a bitter taste forms on your tongue -- high school, the beginning of your agony over your feelings for and about seungmin.          you managed to work up a way to cope, to hide EVERYTHING beneath a thinly veiled facade -- saying enough but not everything whenever seungmin asked questions. you know he’s catching on -- the look he gives you ( you almost cracked and told him ), the concerned gestures he takes ( was he pitying you ?? you can’t tell if he pities you or actually cared anymore -- your mind was a dangerous place ).          the answer was -- seungmin never forgot the pledge because he never forgets about you and he wants nothing more than to fulfill it ; you weren’t just his best friend but his SOULMATE.

VI -- the crack

         were you prepared for the stress that came with school ?? yeah, of course !! it was expected, your parents warned you about it...so did your high school alums.          were you ready to deal with that stress, along with your mind and feelings for seungmin that was bubbling forth ?? hell, no. it was just so much, TOO much. you had no idea what to do except CRY.          seungmin had a late class that day and you saw it as a CHANCE to finally let loose. you barely held yourself together, seams ready to burst. you gave a hurried good bye to your friends and rushed home, ignoring the looks of concern and surprise on their faces as you grabbed your things and you rushed out the door.          the moment you were through the door, you don’t make it to your room and you were on the ground of the living room as the tears began to POUR. sobs shook your tired body, you didn’t bother holding back your cries. as you bawled, you felt as if a WEIGHT was lifted from your shoulders, if you knew that was the case...maybe you should have cried more instead of holding it back.          in your bout of crying and sobbing, choked babbling about how sorry you were and how terrible you felt to absolutely no one....you hadn’t received the text from seungmin that his class had ended early and asked if you wanted to grab something to eat...in your incoherent litany of apologies and insecurities, you didn’t hear the front door open and shut and worried steps heading into the room.          “y/n, oh my god !! are you okay ?!” seungmin asks, arms immediately finding hold around your shaking frame...worry etched in his handsome face. it hurt to see you cry, how long had you been crying ?? why were you apologizing ??           your heart clenched at the sight of upset on seungmin’s face -- you did this, you made him frown, you made him sad. you don’t notice how your frame fits snugly against his, how he holds you so tenderly as if you’d break but just tight enough to hold you together as you did. all you could do was babble apologies to seungmin about how you were ruining the friendship and how you felt like you were ruining his picture perfect world because you weren’t pretty enough.          you don’t notice the way his frown gets continually deeper as you released all your stress and anxiety out to your best friend...he did this. he was a terrible friend, how could he call himself your SOULMATE when he didn’t even realize you were suffering so much ?? how long did you feel this way ?? cursing his own blindness, he never meant to make you cry...of all the times he’s been with you when you needed a shoulder to cry on, this time hurt the MOST.          fatigue finally hits you and your sobs diminish to whimpers before your breathing evens out to signal you had fallen asleep, but seungmin never lets you go, he holds you to his chest as he rocks the two of you gently, humming the nonsensical tune the two of you made as children to calm you.          “you were ALWAYS pretty enough, y/n. no, you’re beyond pretty...if i didn’t want to keep you to myself, you’d always be the subject of my photos.”

VII -- project discovery

         you and seungmin never spoke about your crying spell...you had woke up, still cradled in seungmin’s arms. guilt had washed over you as the boy had slept in an awkward position to make sure you slept peacefully and COMFORTABLY. you left him some salonpas for the aching muscles and treated him to breakfast as a thank you but not a WORD was spoken about what happened.          “sorry....you should have just woke me up,” you mumble over your food, having been pushing the tofu around in your bowl.          “and risk waking a sleeping bear ?? i know how you’re like when you’re disturbed from your beauty sleep,” he retorts, then he REGRETS. how could he say something so inconsiderate to you after you having told him you felt terrible about yourself ?? he stuffs his mouth full of rice and side dishes to stop himself from saying anything more.          “then don’t complain to me later when you’re sore,” you huff, slight annoyance taking to your tone as your attention returned to your food. you wanted to LEAVE as soon as possible, you don’t think you can stand being around seungmin any longer...at least, for the day, you couldn’t stand it if you had to listen to another uttering of harsh words from the photographer. you didn’t notice the look of guilt hanging on seungmin’s features as you barely finished your food before excusing yourself.          the two of you continued on with your respective lives ; perhaps after the entire thing, seungmin was finally realizing he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life with you...he was finally discovering that you were UGLY and didn’t fit his aesthetics. relief and sadness washed over your heart -- relief because it meant you no longer had to avoid him, he’d avoid you, yet sadness because you were going to lose the person that meant the most to you ( your special someone ).          it’s okay, you’ll come to terms with it...you did this to yourself, this was your endgame. it’ll be painful but hey, it couldn’t be more painful that that time you broke your arm falling out of a tree as a kid, right ?? ( you recall, seungmin cried HARDER than you did and you ended up comforting him and awkwardly patting his back as you nursed your injured arm in the emergency room  ).          but, boy...were you WRONG about everything. after hearing how you felt about yourself and ( he hopes he wasn’t misinterpreting ) the feelings you had for him, he was on a MISSION. a mission he had with renewed vigor, he was beginning to lose MUSE because you had become so distant and disinterested, but now, he’s found his inspiration again. he knows what he wants to do for his FINAL presentation at the end of his program.

VIII -- why do you always have a camera ??

         much to your dismay, things return to normal...seungmin still sought you out, brought you lunch, made sure you were taken care of. and it seemed that he was doing it more...intensely if you must give it a word.          his gestures made your heart skip a beat -- bringing you lunch, buying you coffee...waiting outside your lecture hall to walk you to the next one, if you had a late class, he’d wait until you were done to walk home together.          your friends swear that the two of you seem like you were DATING but you denied all claims ( you swore you saw seungmin’s face drop when you said it was impossible for him to like you beyond a sister ).          “seungmin’s here again...are you SURE you two aren’t dating ?? this sort of dedication isn’t just sibling love...my own brother wouldn’t even do this.”          “we are NOT dating, for the last time !! we grew up super close and we’re tight with one another,” you huff, walking towards seungmin slowly.          “ugh, but damn, you’re so lucky...where do i get me a boy like kim seungmin, who’d wait for me outside of class and bring me food or coffee or walk me home late at night ??” she dramatically sighs, irritation floods your heart.          “we live together...” you point out.          “valid point but he still doesn’t have to wait. if you’re sure you two aren’t dating, mind if i go for him ??” she teases, wiggling her eyebrows. “OW !! WHAT WAS THAT FOR ?!” she screeches when you sock her in the shoulder ( okay, so you were jealous ).          “he’d never go for someone as dramatic as you,” you call back, waving dismissively as you bound towards the male.          well, if he wasn’t going to abandon you ( thank god ), maybe the two of you can reconcile...patch things up as you slowly put away your feelings. you were willing to try because you knew...it was better to have SEUNGMIN in your life as a friend than not at all. you were going to try, even if it means pretending.          you began to notice that whenever you two were together, he always had his camera...and not so subtly training it on you. “what are you doing ?! stop taking ugly photos of me !!” you complain, shoving your hand into his lens to block out your image.          “can’t i try to document some memories ?? be nice, i send them to the ‘rents !!” he argues, a valid argument. one he always used whenever you caught him taking photos of you, that or he gives you the excuse that he’s trying to buff up his portfolio with some huge photography word you can’t understand so you’d just ignore him.

IX -- it’s the final countdown !!

         last year, senior year....things were starting to get really busy, the two of you barely saw one another. but you two always tried to make time for one another....tried being the KEYWORD.          canceled dates, being stood up...it was infuriating and frustrating but what can you do when kim seungmin became the star pupil of his program ?? you were still a NOBODY while seungmin was reaching fame somehow. the thought you had all those years ago strikes you again...the one you had when you were a senior in high school.          shoving those thoughts away, you remind yourself that he had PRIORITIES to take care of and you just didn’t happen to be one of them -- that’s fine. you’re supposed to be an understanding, supportive friend, after all.          you don’t fail to notice how secretive seungmin has gotten...it’s almost as if he’s trying to keep you out of the loop for some reason. was this it ?? was he finally cutting you out of his life ?? you choke up, you weren’t ready for this ; you convinced yourself that you were but in reality, you can’t part with seungmin...after all...your life was infinitely better with seungmin IN it than out of it.          your phone buzzes -- seungmin was calling. shoving aside your uncertainty, you respond with a cheery tone, “i hope you have some expensive chocolates and ice cream to make up for ditching me,” you greet, watching your breath form smoke in the space in front of you and disappear into the sky.          “sorry !! i got really caught up with setting up the exhibit, it has to be perfect because the prof said --”          “i’m just joking, calm down, dandy boy. i get it. do you want me to get you anything for dinner ??”          “uhh...well, i was hoping you’d swing by and give the set up a look-see and give me some feedback. and then maybe we can grab food ??”          “are you sure ??”          “yeah, but bring me something to drink ?? i think i’m gonna die of dehydration.”          “so dramatic. i’ll be there in 15 minutes.”          “thanks. love you. bye.” and a beep to signal the end. your heart skips a beat when he said love you. no, he means as a FRIEND, as your BROTHER.          thank god, no one was around to see or hear that...because he only just realized what he said when he hung up and his face FLUSHES. did he really just blurt out LOVE YOU as he was hanging up ?? so casually ?? so nonchalantly ?? god, he was EMBARRASSING.

X -- and my heart breathed....

         standing in the studio, you felt so SPECIAL...seungmin was letting you see his final project before anyone else. you haven’t gone any further in, waiting for seungmin to come meet you and maybe walk you through it...until you got a text that said he had been called away to deal with some questions his professor had. no issue...that didn’t mean you couldn’t wander the exhibit.          you chose a random photo to stop by, your eyes dart to the small caption then to the photo...it was a familiar scenery -- was that the park the two of you first met ?? you two had fought over who got to go on the slide first and ended up going together in an odd tangle of limbs. must be a coincidence...but it was a beautifully taken photo.          continuing to walk, you come to realize there was a NARRATIVE with the photos -- wow, seungmin really went ALL OUT with this. a few more photos, you pause in front of a photo with a girl...unsuspecting, smiling...that’s YOU. you feel your breath catch as you looked the the next one. then the next....and the next.          YOU were the subject of his photographs, YOU were the narrative. every photo had you in it, whether you were looking at the camera or not and it seemed there were more CANDID photos of you than not -- save for one, the one you had shoved your hand into his camera to stop him from taking photos ( captioned : i could never stop picturing you ).          your phone buzzed almost as if seungmin’s realized you were just moving around, all it was was you need to READ the caption, dumbdumb...          just before the photo of you, you spot a picture of the living room of your flat, a complete mess...why would seungmin even take a picture of that ?? you read the caption -- jealousy leads to agony, and i’m sorry.          you didn’t understand so you continued on. starting with the very first one you had spotted yourself in -- the viewfinder can never do you justice. what does that even mean ?? was it supposed to be sarcastic ??          moving slowly through the gallery, you read the captions...it confused you more and more. just what was the boy trying to get at ?? was your heart clouding your mind by eliciting some sort of HOPE ?? the hope you had locked away after the ‘incident’ ??          turning the corner to the last one, you stare at the blank canvas and empty caption...was it unfinished or not a part of the exhibit ?? but seungmin was never the type to leave things unfinished...almost on cue, you see seungmin walk towards you -- camera in hand -- before he stops a few steps in front of you.          “before you say anything. i just...want to know the answer to this question.” seungmin starts, shifting nervously from foot to foot, “you....uhm...remember....” he struggles.          “out with it, seungmin, the suspense is killing me !!” you jest, maybe if you lighten the atmosphere...it would be better ?? or maybe you just wanted him to tear off the bandage quickly so you can go home and have another cry.          “you really aren’t the romantic type, huh ??fine, i want to ask you if you...would still like to honor the pledge we made when we were kids,” he said, spoken so quickly it sounded like a RUSH of air.          “what ?? the pledge ?? you mean the one when we said we’d marry each other, get a house together and you’d make me the happiest person on earth ??”          “yeah, that one and you missed the one where i said i was gonna take care of you...though, i kinda already failed, considering i made you cry a while ago...”          “you didn’t make me cry. i made myself cry.”          “no, i made you make yourself cry. shut up, i’m tryna confess here.” he shushes, and so you do. lips pulling taut as you wait, anxiously...but you know what he’s going to ask, and you know what you’re answer is going to be.          “would you allow me....to renew that pledge, honor it and maybe...uhm...let me...stay by your side ?? forever ?? and let me show the world just how BEAUTIFUL you are ??” he scratches the back of his neck, “no, wait. that wasn’t...i had something better,”           you didn’t wait for him to amend his question or confession or whatever it was because you knew what he was going to ask. you knew him like the back of your hand, you knew him so well that he never had to VOICE his thoughts and you’d know what he’s thinking. you closed the space between the two of you, practically throwing yourself at the boy...stumbling with him when he tries to balance himself from the force of your tackle.          “i can’t believe...even after all these years and a crying spell, you still had to ASK, kim seungmin,” you murmur, your heart was pounding so loudly, you were sure he could hear it too.          “well, i’d like to be SURE, you know ?? you’re a little hard to read these days and that’s probably because i’ve been a terrible person and i just...” you cut him off mid-ramble.          “yes. yes....please. there’s no place else i want to be than right beside you,” you mumble against his shoulder as one arm came to wrap around your waist as the other cradled the camera,           “thank god. i was gonna die if you said NO and that i misinterpreted everything because you told your friends that there was no chance we were dating and you were really distant and you just --” you remembered that when seungmin was nervous and anxious, he tended to talk TOO much.          your first kiss, your first love, your first photo exhibit....seungmin’s your FIRST, ALWAYS, and FOREVER. it may have taken a lot of pain and struggling but in the end it was worth it because you were right where you needed to be, fate had your place saved right next to kim seungmin, world famous photographer to be.

the final photo in the exhibit, a favorite amongst romantics, was the FIRST hug you had with seungmin in years, the first one you two had as your relationship began ; you didn’t quite like it because of how CLOSE it was ( how did he even manage to sneak that photo ?? he never told you but you didn’t care...he’ll tell you eventually, he was terrible at hiding secrets from you ) but you also loved how he managed to capture a moment of JOY and happiness in just one photo -- AND MY HEART BREATHED, FINALLY.

#stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #kim seungmin scenarios #kim seungmin imagines #skz imagines #skz scenarios

[teecohenc]

when the darkness comes .

WHO: Tina Cohen-Chang  WHAT: Going into an abandoned lighthouse during a storm and subsequent blackout? Sure, why not?  WHERE: Putnam Lighthouse

The heavy and surprisingly unlocked door of Putnam’s Lighthouse creaked and groaned ominously as Tina pushed it open – the overwhelming sounds of the incredible storm behind her rattling in her chest as she snuck her way into the recently renovated, but sparse ( and thankfully dry ) space inside.

Her night had started out as nothing more than another effort to try and soothe the hectic mess that was her headspace as of late, and everything else that’d been happening in her life ( and the lives of those closest to her ). More aptly speaking? The situation with Sam and their clearly ended friendship thanks to her own, cowardly actions, her father and his ever-dwindling health, whatever the hell she and Hunter were doing right now, and of course, the still unknown, terrifying figure who’d been tormenting her and her friends’ lives for the past handful of months now.

Honestly, much to Tina’s surprise, it had all been going rather well for her; being at Bonfire on the Beach after so long without it. The music was rather nice, there were a few familiar, but not too familiar faces, and she’d even taken part in a couple of silly little drinking games that’d left her with that perfect fuzzy feeling that always came with being tipsy. It’d been just what she’d needed.  

Of course, with her recent track record, she should have known that it wasn’t to last. The dark, rolling clouds seemed to have come out of nowhere, followed almost immediately by a terrible, torrential downpour of chilled, biting rain, crackling lightning, and horrendous thunder that seemed to shake the very earth they all stood on. Most people around her bounded off to their cars, eager to get home, safe and dry, but as the storm only showed signs of getting all the worse, she felt it was better to not take the risk. Who knows what could happen, especially with the lightning hitting just a little too close to home? Instead, she followed through on the first thought the that came to her mind, which was to take shelter, and fast. The old lighthouse was the closest available cover to her, and though there was a high chance of it not even being open, it was the best one she had.

Luckily for her, it’d paid off.

However, as she slowly walked around the dark room, totally drenched and shaken, she started to wonder if that assessment was uttered just a touch too soon. Tina let out a small, laden sigh and wiped strands of wet hair from her face as she grabbed for her phone. The bright light strained at her eyes for a brief moment before she turned it around to try and light up the unknown area around her, heart beating a wild pace in her chest at her unlucky situation, when, all of a sudden, the device let out a sharp blaring noise, the words -- ATTENTION RESIDENTS OF CASTLEPORT, THERE IS A CITY-WIDE POWER OUTAGE. PLEASE SEEK PROPER COVER UNTIL THE STORM IS OVER, AND THE ISSUE RESOLVED – flashing across her screen.

“Shit,” Tina cursed frantically as she rushed over toward a small window where, sure enough, there was nothing but darkness all around her. God, could this get any worse?

That’s when she heard it. There was a noise mixed in with the rest of the storm raging around her – a noise she couldn’t quite identify, but set her fear alight all the same. Was there someone out there? Someone who, like her, was trying to seek shelter? For a moment, she considered unlocking to door and checking it out, but something kept her feet glued to the floor instead. If it was a person, wouldn’t the say something? Call out? Alert her somehow? It had to be something else; possibly debris or something being blown around? Though the logic was sound and made perfect sense, it did little to soothe her. Instead, she turned on her heels and made to sit on the very far corner of her room and pulled out her cellphone once more. Maybe she could try and distract herself by texting some of her friends and family to see if they were safe in all this mess. 


That would help not only take her mind off of the noises and the storm and the blackout and her frayed nerves, but it would also pass the time until this whole mess was over and done with. Right?

Well, it was all she had at the moment, anyway. It’d have to do. Tina just hoped it was soon. 

#cportevent #cportlightsout

[loverofthefiction]

Infatuation

Summary: Sirius accidentally drinks Amortentia, the love potion, and falls for you.

Maruader’s Era!Sirius Black x reader

Word Count: 4337

Warnings: not much?? maybe some use of potions, being in love (but written horribly), and fluffffff

Author’s Note: wow this fic literally took me four months to write, which is insane. I worked so hard on it and I’m so happy I finished it lol. The end is a little rushed but other than that, I’m v proud of it :’)) Also, I’m working on so many other fics that may not be finished for a while so oops (including three series oof) but requests are sill open. Anyway, thank you for your time and enjoy!!

“Isn’t he just gorgeous?” Matilda sighed, her chin in her palm and sporting large heart eyes toward James, who was sitting at the Gryffindor table, a proud grin on his face. It was the day after yet another victorious Quidditch match, where he beat Slytherin for what seemed like the thousandth time (like he needed another reason to gloat).

“Uh huh, whatever you say,” you muttered, not really caring for what she had to say, your textbook was much more interesting than any comment she made over him.

“I mean, the way his eyes glimmer behind his glasses…” At this point, you had opted to completely ignore everything that came out of her mouth. You had heard every observation she had made about him for the past several years. It was best to pretend to care instead of actually listening.

It was that you were a bad friend (actually you were a saint for sticking with her for so long), you just had no interest in James. You much better preferred his best friend, Sirius, not that you had ever told Matilda that. In fact, you hadn’t told anyone about your crush; keeping things to yourself seemed like a better way to live life. You didn’t feel the need to go around telling everyone your biggest secret.

“Y/N? Are you listening?” Matilda’s voice snapped you out of your trance.

“What?”

“I said,” she sighed at the fact that she had to repeat herself, “we’re learning about Amortentias in Potions today… and I think it’s the perfect time to ask James on a date to Hogsmeade, don’t you think?”

“Why would that be the perfect time?”

“Well, since we’re learning all about love, it just fits,” she shrugged.

“I… guess,” your furrowed your brow. At that moment, the bell rang, indicating that you had to start making your way to class. “Okay, come on love bug, let’s go to class.” She stuck out her tongue at you; she’s always hated that nickname, but you still called her that since it was perfect for the way she acted when she was around James. You grabbed your textbook and bag while Matilda grabbed hers as well, and made your way to Potions.

This class had to be yours and Matilda’s favorite. She loved it because she could gawk at James whenever she wanted. But you loved it for the actual subject (though Sirius was definitely a nice addition to what made the class so fun); making potions was a talent of yours and Slughorn liked to praise your concoctions whenever you made a perfect one.

As you entered class, you couldn’t help but notice the peculiar looking pink liquid in the middle of the classroom.

“Good afternoon, class,” Slughorn said after everyone had found their seats. “Today, is a very special day, for today, we are learning all about love potions.” A couple of people in the classroom, including Matilda, grew excited; their thoughts went wild over whatever person they were currently eyeing.

“Now, this potion is definitely not one to just be given about to whoever will drink it. It is very dangerous, not to mention the instructions for it is only fit for an advanced potion maker.” Slughorn looked around the classroom until his eyes finally landed on you.

“Ah, Y/N, would you be so kind as to come up and take a whiff of it? Tell us what you smell.” Your breath got caught in your throat as you were suddenly the center of attention. Your legs walked wobbly towards the center of the classroom and Slughorn gave you a reassuring smile as you sniffed the liquid.

“I smell… cologne, cinnamon, leather, and… sea breeze.” You took a deep breath as you realized that the person you had been describing was Sirius. Glancing at him, he didn’t seem to notice that all of the qualities you had just named were all things that made him who he is.

“Perfect, thank you very much, Y/N. The history of this special brew dates back to the 1800s…” Slughorn’s voice seemed to fade whenever you looked down at your textbook as soon as you got back to your seat. You had already read all about the potion in some book, so you knew you didn’t miss much. The thing that had distracted you, however, was the folded piece of parchment that Matilda had slid to you. You gave her a raised eyebrow, and she widened her eyes in return, implying that you should just open the note.

Rolling your eyes, you opened the small piece of paper which read ‘Do you think you would be able to prepare it?’

‘Why?’ You wrote back on a different piece of parchment and slipped it to her.

‘Because I think this is the perfect way for James to finally notice me!’ And that’s how it started.

You never thought a simple question (more like a plea) from Matilda would annoy you so much. She asked day in and day out for you to make the potion for her. She knew that you were more than likely to make such a difficult potion as if it were nothing. Yet, you still denied her.

You did not want her to use magic to make James fall in love with her; it was the wrong thing to do. But at this point, she had become so insistent that you had no choice to agree…

“Fine! Fine, I’ll do it! But you owe me!”

“Thank you so much, Y/N! You’re my bestest friend!” she squealed in delight, and she hugged the breath out of you.

“Yeah, yeah,” you muttered.

And so, you got to work. You had asked Slughorn for an hour or so in his classroom to try to mix a potion that helps with concentration because you “needed it with O.W.L.s coming up soon”. He had agreed, so nice to the student that showed so much enthusiasm to the subject he taught.

You followed the instructions carefully and after just two tries, you had made the perfect Amortentia. Now all you had to do was tell Matilda to mix it into James’ drink during breakfast, and she was golden.

“Are you sure it’ll work?” she asked anxiously.

“Yes, Mat, I’ve followed the recipe to a T. Everything will be alright,” you rolled her eyes. “Now go get it over with.”

“Okay, thank you, by the way, I’m really glad we’re friends,” she gave you a sweet and genuine smile, one you never really saw often.

“Me, too. Now go! The potion won’t get delivered by itself!”

..

It was a lazy morning for Sirius today; he had rolled out of bed with shut eyes and heavy limbs. He was glad it was the weekend, and he did not intend on doing any of his Transfiguration or Dark Arts homework. No, these two days were for a much-needed break from anything hectic going on in his life at the moment.

He simply put on whatever t-shirt was the nearest to him, not caring if it smelled or not, and walked to the bathroom to splash some water on his face. He groggily walked down to the Great Hall to eat breakfast. It was a little early on in the morning, not a lot of students had left their dorms yet (including the rest of the Marauders), so he sighed and sat down in his usual seat.

His mind was still a bit foggy from being only just awakened, so when he saw the goblet with a piece of parchment that said James’ name on it, he didn’t question anything. One look at the drink and he became intrigued. One sip wouldn’t hurt, he thought. I’m sure James won’t mind…

He raised the cup up to his lips and tasted the pink liquid. At first, he was taken aback by how weird it tasted; it was like a mixture of lilac, lemonade, and peppermint (which were all characteristics that came to mind when he thought of you). But then as the aftertaste started to kick in, all kinds of your traits rushed to him. He loved the way you pushed back your hair while you read a book, not caring about your appearance as if you weren’t the most beautiful girl in the world, because you were; he loved the way you showed confidence every time you raised your hand to answer a question you know you’d get correct, and then glowing after getting praised for being so smart; he loved the way you seemed to live in your own world, unfazed by whatever happened around you. But overall, he loved you.

“Morning, Padfoot,” James greeted, and he, Peter and Remus sat down next to Sirius, the three of them immediately digging into the toast and eggs.

“Have you ever noticed how pretty and smart Y/N is?” Sirius asked, his words baffling James but not Remus.

“So you’ve finally admitted to yourself that you like her?” Remus said as he spread jam onto a piece of bread.

“Like her? I’m in love with her.”

“Woah, wait, where is this coming from?” James asked, his brain not exactly comprehending what was going on.

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked.

“Well, you never talk about girls like that, they’ve always just been objects for you to snog,” James furrowed his eyebrows.

“Haven’t you ever thought that I snog girls because I’m trying to take my mind off of Y/N?”

“Not really…” James carried off.

“Well, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. It’s just taken me extra long to figure it out.”

James, Peter, and Remus looked at each other, obviously knowing right away that there was something… off about the way he talked about you. Sirius for one wasn’t someone who talked about his feelings all that much. For him to be so open about his ‘love’ (as he put it), was out of character. Although it was quite obvious to them that he had a bit of a crush on you; hiding his longing stares and heart eyes wasn’t a talent of his.

“Oh, look!” he exclaimed as you walked in, your hair up in a messy bun and a pair of old pajama pants with a couple tears here and there seemed to accentuate your beauty on a new level to him. “There she is! Isn’t she gorgeous?”

“Mate… Are you feeling alright?” Remus asked cautiously, as to not accidentally hurt his feelings.

“Better than ever! Actually, I’m going to go talk to her right now!” He announced as he stood up bravely and walked over to your seat, where you had only just served yourself your first mug of coffee.

“Maybe it has something to do with this,” Remus muttered over to James and Peter, pointing at the goblet with James’ name on it. “Should we stop him?”

“No, I need some morning entertainment,” James grinned, putting his arms around the boys’ shoulders to stop them from stopping Sirius.

“Good morning, beautiful,” Sirius greeted, sliding into the seat next to you. You hadn’t expected company until much later since it was so early in the morning.

“Morning, Sirius,” you said, a little confused as to why he was talking to you. You had hoped your face wasn’t as bright red as a tomato in his sudden presence. It was really too early in the morning to be talking to someone whom you cared so much about. “What brings you to my part of the Great Hall?”

“My undying love for you,” he said quite bluntly as you almost choked on your orange juice.

“I-I’m sorry? I’m not sure I heard you correctly,” you coughed.

“You did hear correctly, I’m sorry it only took me so long to come to that conclusion. But I’m here now, your knight in shining armour,” he grinned brightly, a charming smoulder set into his face. It was the smoulder that he set aside for girls who giggled wildly whenever they talked to him (the same girls were now giving you death stares for receiving all of his attention).

“Are you feeling well, Sirius? Are you sure you didn’t take anything?” You had seen him arrive at the Gryffindor table before James, which meant that Sirius had seen the goblet before he had.

“I drank some funny juice but that doesn’t matter now. I’m in love with you and I’m ready to show it,” he gleamed.

“Shit, was it the cup that had James’ name on it?” You asked, slightly hoping he’d say no, but knowing that he probably had.

“Yeah, I figured there would be no harm in it,” he shrugged. “Wait, are you thinking about James? He’s not the one you should be thinking about,” he practically growled, his brow furrowing in jealousy.

“No, no, Sirius,” you said quickly as to not give rise to the situation. “I just meant that… that cup was actually meant for James from Matilda, not me. You know how she’s liked him for forever.” Your explanation seemed to have calmed him.

“Okay, good. James isn’t worthy of your attention anyway.”

“Alright…” you said, a little unsure. “How about… we go and talk to the rest of the Marauders for a quick second?” you suggested.

“Why?” he asked, seemingly baffled.

“Because… they’re your best friends, don’t you want your love to get closer to your best friends?”

“No, not really…” he muttered, scratching the back of his neck.

“Well, we’re going anyway, come on.” You stood up, taking a hold of his (surprisingly firm) bicep and dragged him over to the far end of the Gryffindor table.

“Good morning, boys,” you greeted the trio of boys. “You seem to have lost something.”

“Oh, yeah, Sirius! I was wondering where you were,” James said with sarcastic glee.

“James, did you by any chance drink from this goblet?” you asked, gesturing towards the Amortentia cup.

“No, why?” he asked with a hint of knowledge behind his round glasses.

“It was a gift from Matilda, and I’m sure you may know by now but Sirius drank from it.”

“I knew it had to do something with that!” Remus exclaimed.

“Matilda? The one from our year?” James queries.

“Yes, my best friend,” you inform.

“Why would she use the Amortentia potion? Doesn’t she know that James has been in love with Lily since first year?” Remus chuckled despite the glare from James.

“That’s not the point,” you interjected before an argument between the two of them broke out. “Sirius is in love with me, and we need to fix this.”

“Why? Do you not like me?” Sirius asked with wide hurt eyes.

“No, no, I just… don’t want you following me around everywhere, no offense,” you smiled in attempt to make him feel better.

“So you do like him?” James grinned.

“Shut up, this is serious,” you chided and quickly turned away to hide your flushed cheeks.

“Alright then, what are we going to do?” asked Peter.

“We can’t go to Slughorn, he’ll have Matilda punished for making that potion and giving it to a student,” Remus informed.

“Well, Matilda wasn’t really the one who made it,” you chuckled nervously.

“Who was it?” Peter asked with a quirk of his brow.

“It might have been me,” you muttered, hoping they wouldn’t hear you.

“You made it?” James’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“I’m impressed,” Remus crossed his arms in approval.

“Well, of course, she made it, she’s the smartest witch in our year,” Sirius interrupted.

“I’m pretty sure that’s Lily…” you scratched the back of your neck in shame.

“You’re amazing, don’t put yourself down like that,” he reassured, looking at you with heart eyes.

“We really need to find a cure for this,” James looked at the both of you in disgust.

“That’s what I’ve been saying!” you exclaimed, scooting away from Sirius when he tried to put an arm around your shoulder.

“Alright, I suggest that Y/N and I do research on how to reverse it. Peter, you’re the lookout, make sure Matilda or any professor doesn’t find out what happened to Sirius. And James, try to keep him away from Y/N,” Remus brought his gaze to everyone as he gave his instructions.

“What?!” James and Sirius exclaimed at the same time.

“Why do you have fun jobs but I get to watch Sirius?”

“I can’t live without Y/N! Please don’t take me away from her!” Sirius wrapped his arms around you and squeezing tightly.

“James, you’re Sirius’s best friend, you’re the only one who can stand him,” Remus followed up.

“He’s right, James,” you said (as best you could whilst being squeezed).

“Alright, alright,” James threw his hands up in defeat. “Sirius, let go of Y/N, she can’t breathe.”

“Oh, sorry, love,” he loosened his arms but kept them around you. “Are you alright now?”

“Could be better.”

“This is going to take a lot of work,” Remus sighed.

..

The rest of the day was spent trying to research in the library with Remus, which wasn’t really odd to the rest of the students, they knew you two were bookworms. Peter was trying his best to make up stories about the whereabouts of your group whenever any of the professors asked (the boys had quite the reputation and their absence didn’t go unnoticed). James, on the other hand, was very busy trying to keep Sirius out of the library so he wouldn’t interrupt your research.

“Remus, we’ve looked through every potions book in here,” you whined. “There’s nothing on how to reverse the Amortentia potion.”

“You aren’t suggesting what I think you are…”

“Yes! We have to tell someone about this!” you whisper-shouted (you were in a library, of course).

“No! You’ll get in trouble, you might even get expelled!” Remus countered. He didn’t want to tell you about how important you were to Sirius; it would break his heart to see you get reprimanded for helping out a friend.

“There’s no other way!” You sighed and shut the book you were reading.

“There might be one more option…” He scratched the back of his neck as if he had a secret he wasn’t too keen on telling.

“What is it?”

“We have to ask Lily for help.”

“That’s a good idea… but what’s with the hesitation?”

“James is in love with Lily. If we ask her for help, James will be distracted and won’t be able to watch Sirius. Then they will be all over you and Lily,” he explained.

“How about you watch James to keep Lily unbothered and I… I’ll watch Sirius?”

“That is a lot of responsibility, Y/N. When people are under the Amortentia spell, they are completely obsessed with a certain person. Are you sure you’ll be alright with him following you everywhere you go?”

“Sure, how hard can it be?”

..

You and Lily were the two best witches in your potions class, which is why it didn’t take you that long to convince her to help you out in your little dilemma; she loved helping people out, especially if it had something to do with potions, combined with the fact that you were obviously restless when it came to trying to find a reversal to the potion, she knew it was important to bring her assets to the team.

She disappeared into the library hours ago and ever since, Sirius had been staring at you while you read a book on the floor of the empty Gryffindor common room.

“You’re very beautiful, do you know that?” He sighed, his chin rested on the palm of his hand.

“Thank you,” you blushed, not looking at his eyes.

“And you’re really smart,” he muttered.

“Thank you,” you repeated.

“Why do you not like me back?” he asked, his voice small and timid.

You turned your head to look at him; his grey eyes resembled a puppy’s and the usually cocky grin that adorned his face was replaced with a vulnerable pout.

“W-why do you think that?” You asked with a soft-spoken tone (one you would typically use whilst speaking to a child).

“I heard you speaking to Matilda once, you said you hated my guts,” he revealed. The only time you had ever said that was when she had caught you staring at him during Transfigurations and you needed to assure her you didn’t like him, which couldn’t be farther from the truth.

“Sirius,” you set your book down, giving him your full attention, “that was an exaggeration. I don’t hate you, I just meant that I thought you were… childish at times. Of course, I hadn’t really talked to you at that point.”

“Does that mean you do like me back?”

“I… I just think that what you’re feeling right now isn’t real. After we find a cure, you’ll go back to normal and everything you’re feeling right now will become a weird distant memory.”

“No, Y/N, my feelings for you will never disappear.”

“That’s just the potion talking,” you looked down.

“No, it isn’t. I’ve been feeling this way for a while, it only took the potion for me to actually act upon it.”

“I’m sorry, Sirius, but I can’t trust these words while you’re under a spell,” you shook your head, not wanting to believe his confession.

“How can I prove it to you?”

“You can’t, not until we find a cure.”

“Can I at least take you on a date? After all of this?”

“I don’t know…” You wanted to, you really did, but you couldn’t get your hopes up, especially if he’d be back to normal in no time.

“I-I’ll buy you a butterbeer, anything,” he pleaded. “Just one date, Y/N.” He placed a finger under your chin to look into your eyes.

“Okay,” you sighed, still looking at him. “One date.”

“Yes!” He exclaimed, throwing his arms around you and hugging you tightly.

“But this doesn’t mean we’re like… together together…”

“I’ll take what I can get,” he gives you his signature smolder and you swear for a second that he actually feels something towards you. But at the moment, Remus and Lily come bursting in, Lily holding a vile of some clear liquid.

“I finally figured it out,” Lily panted, holding out the vile.

“Lily asked me to help her make the antidote and it took a bit of convincing Slughorn to let us use his classroom, but we did it,” Remus spoke up. “Now, Padfoot, all you have to do is take small sips of this. It’ll cause some fatigue and you will probably be asleep for the rest of the weekend.”

Sirius simply nodded along at all the new information being told to him, but his eyes landed on you once Remus was done speaking. You swallowed hard under his gaze and shifted. He had only reciprocated your feelings (a little extremely but reciprocated nonetheless) because of a love potion and now that he was to be changed back, would he actually feel what he had felt under the spell?

“Y/N, are you alright?” Lily asked, snapping you out of your trance and placing a caring hand on your arm.

“Yeah, I might just need to give Sirius his rest…” you nodded, and continued, “it’ll be a long recovery, Padfoot.”

You and Lily walked out of the common room to give Remus and Sirius their space. But you managed to look back at Sirius and give a small wave.

..

“Y/N! Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you all weekend!” Matilda huffed as she sat down next to you on Monday morning breakfast.

“I’ve been… studying. The O.W.L.s are almost here and I need to cram as much information in my head as possible,” you grumbled into your bowl of oatmeal.

“Well, either way, I think I just thought of the perfect way to get James to-”

“Mat! James is in love with Lily! Love potions don’t work and even if they did, you’d be living a lie if you actually thought that deep down inside, hexing someone into loving you was the right thing to do.” You sighed and pushed away your bowl, the loss of appetite hitting you suddenly.

“Wow… I didn’t know you felt that way…” She muttered, but mostly stayed silent. “But I see what you mean. I guess it’s kind of mad of me to go after him after all these years...” She gave you a genuine smile, though it felt like she wasn’t hurt, you knew your words would have an impact on her from now on.

“Mat-”

“I’ll leave you two alone,” she suddenly interrupted you and stood up from her seat, taking a piece of toast with her.

You were confused at first but understood what she meant when you heard someone clear his throat behind you. It was Sirius, standing sheepishly with his hands in his pockets and a book bag over his shoulder.

“Hi,” he muttered, giving you a sweet smile.

“Hello,” you bit your lip.

“Can I sit down?” He motioned towards the seat that Matilda had just left behind and he set himself down after you nodded nervously. “I just wanted to tell you… I’m sorry for what happened with the whole… you know…”

“No, you don’t have to apologize, it was my fault anyway…” You chuckled, although there not being anything truly funny.

“I just wanted to make sure you know, I don’t regret anything I said while I was under the spell. I meant every last word of it,” he visibly gulped.

“Everything? Even the part where you felt… you know…”

“Yes,” he laughed. “Even that part.”

“Oh, thank Merlin,” you smiled, letting go a sigh of relief.

“What?”

“I was so worried that you would change your mind, at least now I know my feelings aren’t one sided,” you grinned at him.

“So, does this mean we’re still going on a date?”

“I’m all yours, Black.”

#sirius black x reader #sirius x reader #sirius black #sirius black imagine #sirius black oneshot #maruaders era #marauders imagine #sirius black fanfiction #marauder sirius black #marauder sirius black x reader #harry potter fanfiction

[cutaepatootie]

Now or Never - 04

Pairing: Hoseok | Reader Genre: racer hoseok au / angst ¿? kind of Word Count: 3.2k 

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Pt. 01 | Pt. 02 | Pt.03 | Pt. 04 | Pt. 05 | Pt. 06 | Pt. 07 final

Hoseok stays true to his words and he doesn’t reach out to you during the following week. It is not like you’re waiting for him to text you or call you, in the end, that’s exactly what you asked him for.

You stay true to your words too, and you delete his contact from your list.

Instead, you focus on university and work.

It is easy for you to forget about everything when your routine is so hectic, and it’s times like this, when you are thankful for having so little free time. That way, you don’t have time to think too much about things.

Things start getting better for your sister too, and she is back in contact with you.

What else can you ask for?

But, when Friday night arrives and you’re back at the industrial estate and you make out all those vibrant blue bomber jackets amongst the crowd, all your advances of the week go flying across the window.

Immediately, your eyes found him in between his group, again, like a moth drawn to the flame.

There he is, bomber jacket over his black t-shirt, arms crossed over his chest, dark hair in those messy curls he sometimes wears. He looks breathtaking. Even more under the dim lights of the city night, even more when his lips part and he lets out one of those beautiful laughs. You then avert your eyes towards the person who is the cause of that laugh, and you grit your teeth when you see a beautiful girl leaning on the bonnet of his silver Porsche.

You have no reason to feel this betrayed and mad, but you do. Maybe you have been stupid enough to think he would miss you like you have missed him – despite being so busy during the week you have barely had time to miss him at all.

But you have. You have missed his silly texts, and his late-night visits to your apartment that ended in soft moans, erratic breaths and messy sheets. You have missed laughing until your stomach hurts as he did one of his silly dances. You have missed the conversations you both had, staying up all night speaking about anything and everything at the same time. You have missed him.

But it looks like he hasn’t missed you at all.

You shake your head, averting your eyes from him and the pretty girl who is clearly flirting with him. Again, you have no reason to feel like this, to think like this. You were the one who decided to end things with him. It’s just that… His reaction last Friday, how he had asked for a reason, made you think that maybe, it all meant more to him than he let it show.

In between the mass of black helmets and black clothes, you catch Lynn staring at you, and you don’t even need to see her face, to know she’s arching a brow. You glare at her behind the dark visor of your helmet before walking towards your car and getting in.

Inside, you turn up the volume of the music until you can’t hear what’s going on outside your car.

That night, you finish the race in first place.

You drive, letting the anger radiate through your body and control your movements. You press hard on the gas pedal, shift gears aggressively and barely look at your surroundings. You only see one thing, the finish line, and you don’t stop until you reach it.

You can see Hoseok’s astonished face as you get out of your car to meet the rest of your group in loud cheers and celebration.

Behind your dark visor, you catch him scanning your group, in search of something in between the mass of black helmets and black clothes. You wonder if he’s searching for you.

But you simply shake your head and forget about him, because, it didn’t look like he was searching for you earlier on, when he was flirting with that pretty girl.

. . .

Another week goes by, and the weather starts getting warmer, the days longer and the nights shorter.

There is only one month left until you finish university and you graduate.

Only one month until the Racing Season ends.

Only one month, and you can finally be free.

But still, it will probably be the most stressing one month of your entire life.

Final exams are just around the corner, your work at the hospital is just about to end too, and there are only three races left before the Racing Season ends.

You’re twenty points away of Hoseok, who is in first place. You need to beat him in all three races left to win the competition, or, at least in two of them but somehow get him to finish in last position.

The atmosphere tonight is tense, you can feel it as soon as you enter the garage and you see Jinyoung pacing around the room as Jackson tries to calm him.

“What happens?” you whisper to Mark, who is watching the scene with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Last week, after you left the party, Jaebum told Jinyoung he had heard Jungkook speaking to someone in the bathrooms and telling them to scratch Jinyoung’s car.”

You frown. “To scratch his car? What is this? Primary school?”

Mark shrugs. “He didn’t scratch it in the end, but things are getting tense with the Blue Eagles.”

You gulp and look at Lynn, who is simply sitting on one of the couches, her eyes lost in the wall in front of her. You can almost hear her thoughts. It is happening to her, again.

“Things have always been tense between you two, haven’t them?”

“Yeah… Yoongi and – “

“Wait, who?”

“Yoongi,” Mark repeats frowning as he looks at you, but, when he sees your confused face, he realises you only know the racing names of the Blue Eagles. “Suga.”

“Ah…”

“Well, Suga and Jimin showed up at Jackson’s garage this week, asking if we had been the ones to intercept one of their goods. You know…”

“Yeah, drugs, I know they deal,” you nod. “And you did? You intercepted their goods?”

“No, we didn’t, we want nothing to do with that, we already have our business and – “ Mark interrupts himself before he can tell you more than he should.

You’re grateful for it, you don’t wanna know more than you should either.

“What angered Jackson the most is not the fact that they immediately blamed us, it was the fact that, Namjoon, their leader, was unable to face the music and go to his garage to speak to him in person. He is such a coward, he had to sent some of his minions.”

You nod, about to ask him what happened in between Jackson and Namjoon in the first place, when you hear Jinyoung’s voice once again.

“I’m gonna fucking destroy him tonight!”

“Man, don’t,” Jackson sighs. “There are just three races left, we can screw it like that.”

“Yeah, Jinyoung,” Jaebum nods. “As much as I want to smash those assholes too, look where anger lead me last year.”

Jinyoung’s anger is flaring through his body, and you can see how his dark eyes travel from one of his friends to the other.

“If that brat keeps provoking me, I don’t know how much more I’ll be able to contain myself.”

“We get it, bro,” Youngjae says, patting Jinyoung’s back. “But you have to keep calm, for us.”

Jinyoung takes a deep breath.

“I’ll try. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry, we’re a family, we’re here for each other,” Jackson says, making you feel a pang of guilty inside your chest.

You ended your thing with Hoseok, but still, you feel as if the betrayal is already done.

“Sure,” Jinyoung says, patting Youngjae as he walks towards his car.

“You had your left wheels a bit worn out,” Mark says, snapping you out of your thoughts. “I changed them and adjusted everything.”

You nod, thanking him silently without tearing your eyes from Jackson, who is silently moving towards his car, followed by Bambam and Yugyeom, muttering something under their breath.

You start walking towards your car too, when a hand on your wrist stops you.

“Wait, Y/N,” Mark says.

You turn around, facing him.

“Yeah?” you ask, a bit confused.

“Er…” he says, and you observe his cheeks turning red. Oh, no, please no. “I had so much fun when we went out for drinks that one time and I was wondering if you would like to repeat it tonight.”

You tense, because you’re definitely not in the mood for going out, let alone with Mark. You really appreciate it and love the boy… But in a platonic way, while you know his intentions are nothing but platonic.

Anyway, seeing the way his eyes shine with hope, you can’t help but nod.

“Okay.”

His face lights up and you shyly smile.

“Perfect,” he says in a rush, fumbling with words and with the cloth he has in his hands. “Perfect. Uh… Em… We’ll see each other then.”

“Yeah,” you nod, before turning around and getting into your car.

As soon as you are inside, you face-palm yourself. Ugh.

. . .

Hoseok is distracted, you can tell.

He is not anticipating your movements, he is not focusing on the road ahead of him. His movements are slow and predictable and it’s easy for you to pass his silver car.

He doesn’t even try to catch you, and you cross the finish line in first place.

You get out of your car without the rush of adrenaline you always feel.

But, as you see Hoseok arrive to the finish line, stopping his car and getting out of it slowly, all you feel is disappointment. Where is that fire running through your veins? That crazy feeling creeping up your spine that makes you wanna scream at the top of your lungs? Where is that sparkling feeling on your fingertips?

Where is that freedom you always find each time you race?

You feel like a drug addict whose hit is not enough anymore.

A couple of arms around your shoulders bring you out of your stupor, making you turn around, but not making forget about the empty feeling that has settled in your chest.

At the party, that empty feeling doesn’t disappear, on the contrary, it only grows. And it grows even more as you search for a certain boy in the booth of the Blue Eagles and you don’t find him.

Your eyes keep scanning the crowd, but he’s nowhere to be seen.

Where is he? Has he left? Maybe he’s just in the bathroom, or in the bar. If he has left… Has he left on his own? Or has he left with that pretty girl you saw him with last week?

You’re starting to go crazy, the thoughts running through your mind becoming too much. So, eventually, you stand up from your booth and go outside to take some fresh air.

You take a seat at one of the metallic containers and you lean your head backwards, contemplating the night sky.

Stars can be seen clearly from here, away from the bright city lights. They adorn the night sky, like small dots of light. You don’t know how long you stay like that, just sitting there, contemplating the stars as you wonder if they were always so pretty or if it’s just you who is looking at them differently now.

Why can’t life be simple and easy? Why can’t one make their own decisions? You always wanted to study art, ever since you were a kid and your father bought you your first kit of brushes and watercolours. You dreamt about going to important museums and contemplating works of art, about restoring old paintings and being able to touch them and feel them. But your future was not something that depended on you, and when your father left you, it depended completely on your mother.

She was obsessed with you taking over the family’s business.

Working at some high building in the centre of the city and being caged between four walls 24/7? It was never your thing. Just imagining the idea of sitting at some office chair, in front of a computer, receiving calls, trying to walk in horrendous high heels and tight pencil skirts, makes you feel as if you’re running out of air.

So, when you turned sixteen, you flew from home, working at some supermarket to pay for school since your mother told you she wouldn’t give you any money unless you did what she wanted. You worked hard to win a scholarship, so you could attend a good university, you found a job, a small apartment… And all that, until today.

You are snapped out of your thoughts when you hear shouts and weird noises outside.

Hopping off the metallic container, you walk towards the entrance of the industrial unit.

There, a group of people has gathered, forming a circle.

You make out Jaebum amongst the crowd. He looks smashed as he cheers for something.

“Sorry… Sorry… Excuse me,” you keep saying, making your way through the crowd until you reach the first row.

There, in the middle, two boys are beating the shit out of each other.

“Jinyoung!” you scream once you recognise him.

You look around you to find Yugyeom and Bambam, equally as shitfaced as Jaebum, and cheering for Jinyoung too.

You gulp loudly when you recognise the boy who is fighting against Jinyoung, his face covered in blood dripping from the cut above his brow.

Jungkook fights back despite his bruises, the boy as stubborn as always.

“C’mon Jinyoung!” you hear Jaebum shout.

“Jungkook!” a deep voice says, and you look to your right to see the rest of the Blue Eagles, Jimin, Taehyung, Jin, cheering for Jungkook.

“Jinyoung, stop!” you shout, trying to make your voice heard above the shouts and cheers.

Desperately, you fight against the people and step into the circle where the two boys are.

Your heat is beating erratically in your chest, but you can only think in one thing: ‘you have to stop this, they will ban Jinyoung and the Racing Season will be lost for all of you’.

“What are you doing? Are you crazy?” someone says behind you, but you ignore them, walking closer to the two boys.

They’re a mass of punches and growls.

“Jinyoung! Stop this! Now!” you shout, nearing the boy.

What you get, is an animalistic growl from said boy as he pushes you back against the crowd.

“Stay out of this!” he says, receiving a punch from Jungkook, who took advantage of the other boy’s distraction.

Angrily, you regain balance and run towards Jaebum, avoiding the two boys.

“Jaebum, you have to stop this!” you shout, trying to make him look at you, but to no avail.

“C’mon, Y/N! Don’t be a party pooper!” he says.

You lean closer to his ear so he can hear you properly.

“They will ban Jinyoung from the races and it will happen to him the same that happened to you last year!”

“Ugh,” he says, pushing you away. “Nothing will happen!”

You look at Yugyeom and Bambam, trying to ask them for help, but they’re too engrossed in the fight taking part in front of them to care about you.

“Where’s Jackson?!” you shout.

“Who cares?!” Jaebum says, pushing you aside once again.

You feel everything at once. That empty feeling, the nostalgia, the anxiety for what’s going on, the anger… And you grab Jaebum’s shoulders and push him with all the strength you have, causing him to stumble backwards and fall onto the floor with a loud ‘thud’ as the people behind him take some steps back.

“What’s wrong with you?!” Jaebum shouts from the floor, clear shock in his features as he rubs his back with a pained expression.

You look at him with disgust before leaving.

“He’s your friend,” you say, pointing backwards towards Jinyoung, who’s now on the floor, on top of Jungkook as the younger boy tries to free himself from his grasp. “He’s your fucking friend, you, asshole.”

You spit your words and leave Jaebum with a guilty expression on his face.

Then, you make your way back to the industrial unit, pushing people aside as you search for Jackson.

Inside the industrial unit, you start to feel sweat running down your forehead and your breaths become more laboured. The place is still packed, despite the people outside witnessing the fight.

“Have you seen Jackson?” you ask to some boy you’ve seen before hanging out at your booth.

“No, he left about an hour ago with some girl.”

“Fuck,” you say, pushing him back to the crowd and trying to make your way to your booth.

Mark, Lynn and Youngjae should be there, maybe they can help you.

You’re just climbing the stairs when the music stops, and all lights go off.

“Somebody called the fucking cops!” you hear someone scream, and you stop dead on your tracks.

“The police are here!”

“Run!”

You’re pushed, dragged through the crowd as everyone tries to get out of the place before the cops can catch them.

The room feels too hot, too crowded. The atmosphere turns humid, and you can’t see anything, just the red and blue lights of the police cars outside.

Obviously, the police have always known there were illegal races in this industrial area, but they didn’t care enough, or they had their own deals with the gangs. But, if someone calls them, they have to answer. And so, here they are.

“Get out!”

Shouts, people on the floor, girl crying because their dads didn’t know they would be here… You start gasping for air as you let the crowd drag your body outside.

You think about Lynn. Where is she? Has she gotten out? Is she still inside with Mark and Youngjae? And what about Jinyoung?

Once you reach the outside, you take a deep breath of air, and everyone around you start running towards their respective cars. You stay there for a minute, trying to regain your breath as you think how the fuck are you going home, your car on the garage. Maybe, if you stay there calling an uber the police won’t notice you.

“Y/N!” you hear your name being shouted, and then, the sound of a claxon.

You’re still a bit dizzy from all the people and the humidity of the place, so, it takes you some seconds to pinpoint where your name’s coming from.

“Y/N! Climb on the car! C’mon!” the voice says again.

Your brain analyses the information slowly, and it is not until you see the silver shine of the Porsche that you finally react, and your body comes back to life.

You ignore the warnings ringing in your mind as you run towards the passenger seat of Hoseok’s car.

. . .

A/N: I know this was a really short chapter, but I wanted it to be that way to keep some of the tension hehehe. Bc of that, I’ll prob update the next part in a few days <3

#bts #bts scenarios #hoseok #jhope #kwriterskollection #angstykpopnet #bts angst #bts smut #bts fluff #hoseok angst #hoseok smut #hoseok fluff #hoseok scenarios #hoseok imagine #hoseok fanfic #bts imagine #bts fashion #bts hoseok #bts jhope #jhope angst #jhope smut #jhope fluff

[shanceshancerevolution]

shance high school romcom

shiro is the star quarterback in the top 10 students with the highest gpa, and lance is a cellist whose grades are kind of slipping because he spends the majority of his free time practicing.

halfway through the football season as a junior, shiro sustains a brutal injury to his arm and must spend a lot of time recovering so he can play again next year as a senior for the last time. on the off season, shiro works as an after-school tutor in the library and decides to jump on that early since he can't do much else. that november, lance, who is in the same year as shiro, happens to come in for help. he’s really stubborn about admitting he needs help, but keeps coming back anyway because even if he's the best musician in the county, his talents and skills alone won't help him get into college. he needs to raise his grades if he wants a chance at a fancy music school.

at first, shiro is exasperated with lance’s whining but keeps telling himself he’s getting paid so he has to do this. besides, he really does like helping others. lance is just one of the few that are hard to work with. after spending a week helping lance, shiro starts to understand that lance’s bad study habits are the main obstacles keeping him from actively learning.

shiro makes a deal with him. if lance can improve his study habits to the point where his grades increase, shiro will pull some some strings so lance will be guaranteed a practice room throughout the entire next school year.

lance asks shiro how he can even do that but shiro winks and says he “has his ways”. and boy does that wink make lance feel some kind of way, not now gay thoughts. (in reality, shiro just knows how to use his position as the goody-two-shoes star athlete and model student to his advantage. also this is a high school romcom so anything goes)

lance, motivated by a year-long reserved practice room and shiro’s praise, slowly improves his study habits. they’re not perfect, but after a month of tutoring, lance already has better habits. obviously orchestra and spanish were already A’s, but his english and physics grades start rapidly improving. he could easily excel in other subjects, however...

“history is cool and all but, come on! does anyone really care about these dead cis white dudes?? and math isn’t even fun so what’s the point?”

shiro knows lance’s problem isn’t that he’s not smart, he just hasn’t been applying himself to reach his full potential. so he keeps encouraging lance and maybe starts to enjoy the way lance’s face lights up when he thanks shiro for helping him because he’s really starting to see results! and maybe enjoys it even more when they take breaks and lance rambles about his favorite pieces they’re playing for orchestra and lets slip that he's nervous-excited (but mostly nervous) about his brief solo in the orchestra's winter concert. shiro tells him he'll be great and wishes him good luck, effectively calming lance down for the moment. he makes plans to go to the concert, but decides to surprise lance.

it's the night of the concert and lance is so nervous that he might actually shit himself mid-performance, but the audience (and shiro) can't even tell.

shiro very quickly realizes how dazzling lance is on stage. his movements are effortlessly fluid and just the way he plays is so beautiful. shiro feels his mouth getting dryer and dryer with each passing second. and when lance plays his solo for the final piece, shiro's breath leaves him and he's suddenly struck by how stunning the other boy is. he's glowing from the stage lights and thriving off of the deep melody he produces from his cello. shiro's feelings at this point are pure admiration of and pride in lance. (never mind the fact that he can't deny that lance looks damn fantastic in a suit.) the song comes to an end and if shiro could applaud any louder than his injury allowed, he would.

after being congratulated by his family and literally every person he knows who attended the concert, lance finally catches a break outside. the multicolored rose bouquet (very obviously purchased from the little orchestra fundraising table in the school theatre's lobby but a sweet gesture nonetheless) proffered to lance is definitely a surprise, but even more so is the fact that it's from his tutor.

shiro is so much at a loss of words that all he can say to lance is, "you were amazing." he feels a bit inadequate at being unable to voice just how much he enjoyed lance's performance, but is rewarded with a smile as lance shyly accepts the bouquet and says a quiet "thanks." shiro coughs to hide how flustered that makes him feel and changes the subject by reminding lance to remember to study over winter break. "way to ruin the good vibes here, shirogane!" but he's still smiling. they decide then and there to exchange contact information in case lance has any homework questions for shiro over break.

homework related questions quickly turn into casual daily conversations. through text, shiro finds out lance's break is a flurry of nonstop holiday cheer and getting a little too turnt at the family new year party, but he manages to finish his break assignments before going back to school (for once in his life). shiro's break is less hectic, spent studying, going to physical therapy, and celebrating hanukkah and the new year. by the time they return from break, they're much closer than before and tutoring sessions feel more like study dates (between friends of course, not like date dates, they're just good friends in the library, studying like friends do). they laugh a lot more together and studying becomes fun for both of them, even getting shushed by other students. they accumulate a ton of inside jokes (lance finds out shiro is a closet meme lord and exploits the fuck out of that) and shout them out when they pass each other in the hallways.

by the time mid february rolls around, lance had solid A's and B's again. to celebrate, lance drags shiro along to the deserted orchestra room after school and tunes up his cello. after going through a few scales, the first thing lance plays for shiro is the john cena theme. shiro laughs so hard he cries. lance has never been more pleased with his decision to print out sheet music for a meme. from then on, study sessions always end with lance playing something for shiro, ranging from saint-saëns to actual cannibal shia labeouf, and always end with smiles.

one particularly cold afternoon in early march, shiro notices lance shivering in only a tshirt and can't help focusing on this. "cold?" "yeah, somehow thought it'd be warmer y'know? it's supposed to be spring, but i'll manage," and goes back to geometry formulas but shiro hears nothing past "yeah". he slips out of his letterman jacket and drapes it around lance's shoulders. every student in the library is seriously side eyeing them like smooth, shirogane, smooth. lance is so focused on the math that he kind of reflexively snuggles into the warmth of the jacket and it's so endearing that shiro finds himself full-body blushing. he doesn't know what to do with himself so he makes up having to leave early for some half assed excuse and tells lance he's sorry and that he can text him if he needs help.

15 minutes into slouching in his car in front of his house with his head pressed against the wheel, shiro receives a text.

u forgot ur jacket but dw i'll bring it tomorrow!

shiro buries his face in his hands. he's so cute??

thanks lance, i'll see you tomorrow :)

meanwhile, lance is no longer distracted by math and can only focus on this jacket and how warm it is and wow it really smells like shiro and it's so nice. he spends the rest of the day wearing it and dodges questions from his nosy family on where he got it. he tries and fails to not analyze every possibility of why shiro lent him is letterman and ends up getting very little sleep as his brain goes a mile a minute.

the walk to school the next day is colder than lance had anticipated so he bundles up in shiro's jacket, figuring he won't mind since he let him wear it the day before.

shiro nearly has a heart attack seeing lance walk up to him in the hall wearing his jacket again. luckily, lance doesn't seem to notice. he tries to return the jacket, but shiro notices him shiver as soon as he starts to take it off and insists he keep it for the day.

it continues like this until the weather warms enough that the jacket becomes too heavy, but lance is so used to having it by now that he just wraps it around his waist like an accessory. shiro doesn't complain.

they both know lance doesn't need the extra help anymore, but can't bring themselves to stop the system they have going together. they meet up and talk in the morning before first class, yell memes and jokes at each other in the hallways, study together during after-school tutoring, and hang out in the orchestra room (lance practices and shiro listens, sometimes does pt exercises). at one point, lance tells shiro he doesn't really need that solo practice room next year.

"i enjoy your company too much to give this up," he says between warmups.

"me too," is all shiro can say. to be perfectly honest, he forgot all about their deal. he's come to genuinely care for lance and wouldn't trade these moments with him for the world.

a few days before spring break, shiro finally works up the nerve to ask lance out but lance beats him to it. they're about to part ways for the day and shiro's silently pep talking himself when lance says, "hey, i was wondering if you maybe, possibly wanna go to the movies with me some time over break?"

"i would love you," shiro blurts. "i-i mean, i would love to!" fuck. fuck, fuck, what the fuck, takashi, what the fuck?

"oh, great!" lance flushes but doesn't mind the slip up. "we can talk details later. see you tomorrow, shiro!"

shiro's torn between screaming at himself for his fuck up and fist pumping because he has a date with lance. he waits until he gets home to do a strange combination of both. his moms don't ask.

when spring break is over, no student is surprised to see lance carrying his cello case in one hand and holding shiro's hand in his other.

#shance #text #admin yells into the void #shance romcom #high school au #it's almost 4am so please forgive me if anything seems off! #gn now lmao

[aelin-and-feyre]

Nesta Hates Mistletoe

Holiday Fic Collection #2 - Nessian

Requested by @until-theveryend and @my-ships-will-never-be-sank and anonymous

4: “If you hang one more piece of mistletoe, so help me -” 10: “If you think some plant is going to dictate who I kiss, you are sorely mistaken.” 17: “I lit the fire because I want to make sure Santa knows who’s boss when he comes down that chimney.”

If Nesta never sees another piece of mistletoe, it will be too soon. She has always found the tradition of kissing under the mistletoe to be idiotic and unnecessary, but Velaris—as with everything—takes it way overboard. A little plant hangs in practically every doorway since December 1st, trapping complete strangers who then are forced to share an awkward kiss on the cheek. Of course, the citizens of the star city embrace the activity whole-heartedly, making Nesta even more confused and a little disgusted. Don't these people know how unsanitary that is? 

She went shopping with Feyre and Rhysand this morning and had to stop herself from throwing up every time they walked through a door and decided it was their duty to follow through on the custom. Nesta had to check before she entered any store, making sure she wasn't about to get caught in some awful circumstance with a faerie she doesn't even know the name of. 

However, even if she doesn't like that particular tradition during the holidays, Nesta loves everything else about Christmas—especially the presents. 

Nesta has never been very good at expressing her feelings, which she knows and is working on, so a major way to show that she cares is through presents. Nesta had spent hours scouring the different shops in the Rainbow to find the perfect set of new brushes for Feyre. And just today she finally found the Complete Prythian Horticulture Guide for Elain which listed and described all the rare plants that occurred throughout Pyrthian and where they could be found.

Nesta knows that her sisters will love the gifts, and hopes that they understand the meaning behind them: that she loves them very much. 

She's just finishing up wrapping her last Christmas present when Feyre and her husband walk in, covered in snow from the blizzard starting up outside. "Hey, Feyre," Nesta greets, catching her sister's attention as the High Lord and Lady begin to shuck off their coats and hats. "Would you mind winnowing me up to the House to drop off my presents before tomorrow?" It's the night before Christmas Eve and she would rather get this over with before the hectic frenzy that will ensue as the events begin. 

Feyre shares a glance with Rhysand before turning to Nesta and smiling. "Of course, grab your stuff and we'll go." Nesta scoops up the boxes covered in colorful paper and struggles to carry it all as she waddles over to her sister. Feyre grabs her arm and Nesta feels the familiar sensation of stepping through a fold of shadow before the House of Wind materializes around them. 

Feyre steps away from her and Nesta walks over to the tree in the corner, already piled with presents around it. It's covered with lights and ornaments and an angel on top that looks suspiciously like Amren. Arranging her gifts around the base, Nesta catches sight of a present with her name on it. She stoops to read it more carefully, making sure not to be too obvious about it.

'To Nesta, From Cassian'

Her traitorous heart skips a beat. She and Cassian hadn't been talking much over the past few months—not outright ignoring each other, but also not making a point to see one another or make even polite conversation at Inner Circle dinners. She had nothing to say to him, and he didn't either apparently. 

Nesta sighs and sets down her last gift, then stands to turn back to Feyre. But her sister isn't there. In the place where the High Lady had been standing, a piece of paper now lays with a couple sentences scribbled in Feyre's jerky scrawl. 

'Rhys and I have been trying to get a night alone for weeks. Stay here for the night. I'll come get you in the morning. Love you.'

Nesta whirls around, sure that her little sister is playing some kind of prank on her. But the High Lady of Night is nowhere to be found. Instead, Cassian stands in the doorway, a sprig of mistletoe dangling from his fingers and a look of utter confusion on his face.

"What are you doing here?" 

"Nice to see you too, Cassian," Nesta replies, her fists clenching as she realizes just what her sister is trying to do by abandoning her up here. His face falls a little and Nesta sighs, bringing back her holiday spirit from a couple minutes ago. Just because she hasn't been talking to him doesn't mean he deserves her bitterness. "Feyre was supposed to just winnow me up here so I could drop off some presents but –" she waves the piece of paper in the air and Cassian comes over to take a look. 

He laughs when he's done reading. "I would offer to fly you back down there and interrupt their..." he snickers, "night alone... but my wings won't work right in the storm." A devilish smirk slips onto his face. "I guess you're stuck here for the night." 

"That's what I was worried about," she grumbles in reply, crumpling up the note and throwing it into the unlit fireplace. 

Cassian nudges her elbow, an excited spark in his eyes. "Don't be so glum, you can help me put up the rest of the mistletoe around the House!" 

This only makes Nesta groan even louder, glaring at the tiny bough of leaves that he's still clutching in his hands. "Please don't tell me you're as obsessed about mistletoe as the rest of this city." 

Confusion once again ripples through his features. "You don't like the tradition?" 

“If you think some plant is going to dictate who I kiss, you are sorely mistaken,” Nesta grits out, pushing past him toward the door. “I’ll be in the library until Feyre get’s back,” she declares, then marches out of the main room and works hard not to look back and see his reaction.

Trudging toward the library, Nesta curses her sister soundly. Feyre has always tried to play matchmaker but this is not funny anymore. Nesta has been attempting to forget about her feelings for the Illyrian commander ever since the war and being stuck with him in the House all night will just make matters worse.

She spends the first half of the night in the library, trying to read by the light of a few scattered candles. But the dimness hurts her eyes and it becomes increasingly cold in the room as the storm rages outside. 

Cassian knocks on the door a few hours later before timidly entering and Nesta remembers a time not more than a year ago when they were in the same predicament—Nesta holed up in the library and Cassian trying to break through her walls. He had accomplished eventually with his relentless perseverance, but she had spent the last few months trying to build those same walls back up again, only she thinks that Cassian might actually give up this time.

“Hey, it’s a little chilly in here if you wanna come warm up,” he offers. “You can still read your book, of course. I lit the fire because I want to make sure Santa knows who’s boss when he comes down that chimney.”

Nesta can’t help the smile on her face. “I’m sure Santa already knows that Azriel is in charge around here,” she jokes back, surprising even herself at her sudden playfulness. “Where is he anyway?”

“Azriel or Santa?” Cassian wonders. Nesta gives him a blank look and his smile only grows. “He’s spending the night at Mor’s, helping her wrap presents and stuff. It’s a tradition they’ve been doing for centuries.” 

“That’s nice,” Nesta comments absently. She ponders his invitation to return to the great room and when another bout of shivers runs up her spine, she finally says, “Fine, I’ll come sit by the fire, but if you hang one more piece of mistletoe, so help me –”

Cassian holds up his hands as if proving that he’s not hiding any secret sprigs between his fingers. “They’re all already hung up anyway." 

Nesta rolls her eyes and stands. She grabs her book and starts walking towards the door, but Cassian isn't moving from his position under the doorway. She glances up just in time to see the hidden mistletoe above the threshold. Stopping dead in her tracks, Nesta glares at the Illyrian.

Cassian lets out a laugh and steps back, allowing her safe passage through. "Worth a shot."

"Worth you getting a broken nose," Nesta mutters back and stalks to the main room. She plops down next to the fire and opens up her book to read, relishing the abundance of both light and warmth the fire provides. She tries to ignore the rustling behind her and focus on her book, she really does, but eventually it becomes too distracting. "What in Cauldron are you doing over there?" She exclaims, slamming her book and craning her neck to see Cassian pulling gifts out from under the tree to examine them. 

"Checking to see what the gang got me for Christmas," Cassian replies nonchalantly, not even deigning to glance at her. 

Nesta gapes at him. "Y-you can't just snoop through your presents!" She finally manages to say, standing from her position by the fire. She marches over to him but Cassian doesn't even look up from the gift he is studying, just swats her hand away when she tries to grab it from him. 

"Relax. My brothers and I do this every year," he admits, setting the present back where he found it and picking up another. "It doesn't hurt anyone and it's a way to make sure we don't need to get Mor something more than we did—she tends to go overboard with gifts."

His calmness only enrages Nesta even more. "But it's not like you can tell what it in them, they’re wrapped," she points out obstinately. 

"Sure, I can." Cassian grabs another gift with his name on it and proceeds to shake it slightly, hold it up to the light, and then sniff carefully over the edges. His eyes widen and Nesta finally recognizes the wrapping paper. She can't grab it from him fast enough before he flips it over to see the handwriting on the front.

"You ruin Christmas when you do that," Nesta pushes half-heartedly. Cassian just stares at the box, completely frozen. Nesta finally finds the courage to wrench the wrapped box from him and toss it back onto the pile beneath the pine branches. 

Slowly, Cassian's eyes raise to meet hers, his month slightly open and a crease between his brows. "You got me a present." He mumbles after a few moments of her trying to look anywhere but his awe-struck face.

Nesta takes a step back from his sitting form and Cassian takes that as his cue to stand up. "So, what? You got me a present," she shoots back, furiously trying to find a way out of this. She had been prepared for him to open his gift Christmas morning, with all the people around and when he would be more inclined to control his features when he saw what she had gotten him. She should have known something like this would happen, that she would be caught off guard as she always was when he was around. She never should have gotten him that dagger. 

"Yes," Cassian conceded, taking a step towards her while she takes another step back towards the door. Maybe she can lock herself in the library again. "I did get you a present, but I'm not the one that expresses my feelings through gifts." 

He knows her too well. Her cheeks are burning. She takes another few steps back, Cassian continuing his slow advance. Suddenly, the fire is making the room too hot. "It's just a Christmas present."

"It's an expensive silver fighting dagger with a gold encrusted handle and a ruby in it's hilt," Cassian corrects. Nesta supposes she shouldn't be surprised that he got it right, although of course it still surprises her, as everything does about him. "It's the same one I have been wanting since when we all went shopping over the summer." 

"I saw the way you looked at it," Nesta says, her voice getting smaller and smaller though her head is still held high. She's almost to the doorway and then she can sprint back to the library, or maybe her old room, lock the door behind her and wait until Feyre comes back, or this blasted storm ceases. "I figured you might like it." 

"I'll love it," Cassian replies, his hazel eyes boring into hers with sweet sincerity. "I know what this means, Nesta. Whether subconsciously or not, you mean something by giving this to me, and I know what it is." 

Her heart is racing straight out of her chest but she still refuses to back down. "I have no idea what you're talking about." She's only a step away from the doorframe.

"I think you do."

"W-what do you think it means?" Nesta stutters finally when she feels her fingers grip the wood of the threshold. Cassian has kept pace and he’s only inches from her.

"It means that you won't stop me when I try to kiss you now." Her breath catches and she looks up to see the obligatory mistletoe hanging there. He’s right, though, she’s not going to stop him. And at this point Nesta doesn't care about how stupid the tradition is as she leans up on her toes, throws her arms around his neck, and kisses Cassian with all of her holiday spirit. 

Holiday Collection Prompt List

Holiday Masterlist

Tagging: @eternally-reading @poisonbooknerd @pineandsnowandstars @rowanismybae @kaliejane26 @lizcantspell @dawn-courts-darling @rocknroarrrrr @nkling (let me know if you want to be tagged in this collection!)

#nessian #nesta #nesta archeron #cassian #holiday fic collection #my writing #christmas #snow storm #presents #acotar #acomaf #acowar #a court of thorns and roses fanfiction #a court of thorns and roses #a court of mist and fury #a court of wings and ruin

[v177293]

Sing Me To Sleep

Summary: How do you even tell the one most important person of your life that sometimes, your brain felt fuzzy when they were talking to you without sounding like a creep? It's simple. You don't. Or the one where Genos has ASMR and Saitama has a really nice voice.

Word count: ~2500

Note: What it says on the tin. Canon universe.

It started soon after Dr. Kuseno found what was left of him in the dilapidated wreck of his hometown.

Even years later, Genos still remembered how that conversation went, the memory of the doctor's weary sigh clear as day in his mind as the man suddenly stopped what he was doing to look at him with a heavy gaze.

“You need to relax, my boy.”

“What,” he answered flatly, his voice a mixture of offence and disbelief.

Relax? How could that old man ask him to relax when they still didn't have any news on the whereabouts of the mad cyborg? When he wasn't ready to even face him, weak and useless as he was, let alone fight him? The doctor had been looking for that monster for years, surely he understood how important his revenge was?

With all the finesse of an angry teenage boy, Genos told him exactly where he could shove his advice.

It was a testimony of Dr. Kuseno's patience – or maybe the fact that he was by now far too used to those kind of comments – that he simply laughed at him.

Silence filled the underground laboratory once again, occasionally broken by the clatter of fingers on a keyboard or random high pitched chirps coming from the multiple computers and other pieces of equipment around them. The new familiarity of the scene was enough to lull the teenager into a false sense of security, thinking to himself that the doctor had decided to drop his crazy idea.

No such luck.

“Just,” the old man started again an hour later, seemingly distracted by the mess of wires he was patiently untangling from his left shoulder and connecting to his new metallic arm. “Look up some techniques on the Internet, perhaps? Isn't that what young people such as yourself like to do nowadays?”

Genos wasn't sure there was a way to say that all the parts of him that gave a shit about what 'young people' did died along the rest of his family without sounding over dramatic.

He told so him anyway.

Unsurprisingly, the doctor laughed again.

Eventually, begrudgingly, when the sleepless nights, the pain and the stress just became too much, the teenager ended up doing just that. At this point, he would have given anything for a distraction and this seemed as good as any. Still, it probably took him way too long to realize that trying to fall asleep to another hours long playlist of mind numbingly boring music just wasn't going to do him any good.

Genos was just about to give up when, after a week of fruitless research time spent between painful upgrades followed by the even more taxing rehabilitation, another video caught his eyes.

The term itself – ASMR? -  was unfamiliar to him; he'd never been a fan of technology, despite what he was slowly turning into, and even before, he'd never really spent a lot of time on his old school's library computer, even for research purpose. And this was not something he had ever encounter in any of the books he had read in the past.  In the end, curiosity and boredom won as he clicked on the thumbnail, expecting another useless piece of junk video that would do nothing more than make him loose another twenty minutes of his life.

What he got instead was the weird close up of a woman talking in soft tones, explaining exactly what that ASMR thing was and what it stood for while something was suddenly happening in his head.

The feeling was... strange. Good, but strange, like little starbursts bubbling in his brain and down his spine, making him want to just stay there and listen until he fell asleep, away from the world. Away from everything.

He was transfixed.

It wasn't much. Not during the first couple of months when his body slowly but surely started to feel less and less human and more like a machine, metal, silicone and wires creeping higher and higher as the blood, the bones and the human flesh was eaten away in his need for revenge. Not when, later, the last piece left of his humanity was a brain floating in his cyborg body, his senses still so dull at the time that most days he simply couldn't even feel anything.

No, it wasn't much, but it was enough to calm part of the anxiety and the boiling anger for a time, to make some of the pain more bearable, to starve off the worst of the sensory deprivation that came right after the end of the transition.

It wasn't really much of an issue, at first.

Even after Genos became a fully fledged cyborg, a lone wanderer looking for the monster who destroyed not only his family and his village, but also every single bit of the normalcy of his old life, those feelings weren't something he had the opportunity to experience very often. He had other things to do, always moving and fighting and searching. Clearly, there was no time to allot to something so frivolous now that he was out of the lab.

And then he met Saitama.

Saitama with his incommensurable strength, his unparalleled sense of justice and his voice.

Usually, it wasn't so bad. Saitama wasn't much of a talker and Genos could fill the silence for the both of them when prompted. And even then, his sensei's voice didn't usually have that strange soothing quality he found in some of the people he'd managed to discover on the Internet over the years.

Nothing to worry about there, really.

But then, when the other hero got especially serious before a promising – but always so disappointing – fight, or when there were so many stores to hit for sales and so little time to do so, his tone would shift, a bit lower, a little slower. And later, when the line between teacher and disciple started to blur and they became more, the late night conversations accompanied by hushed voices became the norm instead of the exception.

That's when the tingles in his head would start.

Which was another problem in itself. How do you even tell the one most important person of your life that sometimes, your brain felt fuzzy when the we're talking to you without sounding like a creep?

It's simple. You don't.

“Oi, Genos.”

Blinking, the teenager lifted his head, eyes tearing away from the screen to look at his teacher. The man, despite his usually inexpressive face, seemed almost uncomfortable for some reason. Sensing he should probably pay attention, Genos paused the video he'd been watching for the last 15 minutes or so – another one of those, it couldn't do any harm after the hectic week they just had -, locating his notebook in case he ended up needing it.

You could never know when someone as wise as his sensei was about to drop another one of his invaluable pearls of wisdom.

“Yes, sensei?”

“You're not...” Discarding his manga on the floor next to him, Saitama turned to face him fully, visibly bracing himself before opening his mouth again. “Dude, you're not watching porn, are you?”

The subsequent amount of steam that shot out of his vents would probably have been enough to fog out the entire living room of their apartment had the balcony door not been cracked open. If it was at all possible for people to die of mortification, the cyborg was sure that now would have been the perfect occasion.

“Wha- sensei!” he spluttered, closing his computer by reflex with almost enough strength to break the screen even though he didn't have anything to be ashamed of, thank you very much. “How- why?”

Raising his hands in defence, Saitama shrugged helplessly. “It's just- you've been staring at your screen for a while now, and you're not doing anything, dude. And your, uh,” Gesturing at his own face, he hesitated a moment before adding, “Your expression is just... I don't know, man. Forget I asked.”

Genos could have sworn his face was burning if not for the fact that he knew he had lost the ability to do so for a long time, now. Still, that didn't stop him from lowering his gaze to the table, trying to not only tone down his embarrassment, but also find something to say that wouldn't make Saitama judge him.

Not that his sensei would, of course. He was, after all, too much of an amazing man to ever do something like that. Only, it always seemed so hard for the ones who didn't experience those kind of sensations to actually understand.

That simple fact was almost enough to keep him from saying anything despite the uncomfortable tension he could feel growing steadily around them. Or at least, until his desperate need to give an explanation won against his desire to simply keep that part of him silent, boiling over in, he had to admit, perhaps not the most dignified way possible.

“Sensei! I want to explain!”

As soon as the words left his mouth in what was almost a yell, the cyborg couldn't help but cringe inwardly. Clearly, with all the time he had taken to compose himself, his window of opportunity to avoid making this even more awkward than it was had closed already, right? His sensei obviously thought so, if one was to believe the slightly taken aback look on his face.

“It's, uh, it's okay dude. You do whatever you want, you don't have to-”

“Please! Allow me, Saitama-sensei.”

Throwing him an almost suspicious look over the top of his manga, Saitama eventually gestured him to go on.

“So, let me get this straight.”

Sitting in perfect seiza at the other side of the table, Genos waited in silence, not wanting to put him off with another long winded explanation. Despite Saitama's patience, he honestly wasn't sure how much of what he just said the other hero actually understood.

“There's this AR-something in your head that makes it sometimes feel all nice and tingly.”

“Yes, sensei.”

“And it happens when people are, like, whispering and stuff?”

“As always, sensei knows how to find the right words to perfectly sum things up.”

“And you definitely weren't looking up dirty stuff in the middle of our living room?”

“Saitama-sensei! You know I would never-”

“I know, I know,” Saitama said while flapping a dismissive hand in his direction. “I was just kidding, sheesh. But, uh, yeah. That's... cool, I guess.”

Right away, all the tension that started building up in his synthetic body was released, a slight smile finding it's way on his face. Really, Genos should have known not to worry; not when he had a sensei as perfect as Saitama. His relief was almost enough to miss the slightly considering look the other hero sent his way before said man started reading his manga again.

Almost, but not quite.

And that was it, for the most part. Things continued as they did before, and the topic wasn't brought up again.

Or at least, not until the latest Hero Association meeting he was strongly suggested to attend to.

Alone.

As if Saitama wasn't the most capable hero of them all. As usual, most of the S-Class didn't even bother showing up, and the few ones who did, him included, probably all wished they hadn't. A colossal waste of time, if one where to ask him, especially since it was about something no one gave a damn. Which, all things considered, hasn't been that bad until another useless argument broke out between some of the heroes, making the remaining hour even more unbearable than it was to begin with. Honestly, some of them could be so fucking frustrating.

Especially that annoying little green goblin. The way she just kept disrespecting Saitama was just unacceptable.

“Bad day?” The man asked when he finally came back fuming, listening patiently – or at least doing a great job of pretending to – until Genos ran himself dry after almost half an hour of uninterrupted ranting.

After several minutes, probably sensing his leftover agitation – as if the way he kept looking at the table like he was seriously considering burning it to the ground wasn't enough of a clue -, Saitama eventually reached over to where he was silently seething. The gentle tugging on his arm made the cyborg finally relent, letting himself be moved enough to put his head on the man's shoulder.

“So,” Saitama said, clearing his throat, face almost pinched in discomfort. A strange occurrence, really, considering they'd passed the cap of casual touches months ago. “Did I tell you about that great deal I found in D-City earlier today?”

Without waiting for an answer, he then started getting into the details. How much he bought, how good the hot pot they were going to make tonight with all that discounted food was going to be, and had he mentioned the fresh cabbage he had found for only a third of the regular price?

Lost in the midst of his sensei's story, the first tingle at the back of his titanium skull almost caught him by surprise. Yes, Saitama's voice could hit just the right kind of triggers to make him want to go lax and listen to him for hours, but it was usually always during very specific kind of circumstances and this just wasn't one of those.

Genos was seconds away from asking him what he was doing when he noticed the faint pink tinge of Saitama ears, the hero's eyes staring resolutely at the wall in front of him.

Oh.

All of the sudden, his mind went back to that moment, weeks ago, and that look his sensei had given him. Genos had assumed Saitama had forgotten all about it, or just didn't care much about the whole conversation after his first moment of fleeting interest had passed. It seemed that, once again, the cyborg had underestimated the man.

That, or Saitama cared about him more then he'd thought at first.

Closing his eyes, core surging with unexplained warmth, Genos pretended not to notice, silently urging him to continue. His mind started relaxing more and more as the nervousness slowly bled out of Saitama's voice, his body following suit as the tingles occasionally caused him to almost shiver when they ran down his mechanical spine.

Then a short pause, before a low “That's alright?” reached his ears. The man must have taken his vague noise of affirmation as a yes, because he only stopped for a couple of seconds before he kept going, calmly explaining exactly how much he managed to save with the combined coupons and sales of today's grocery shopping.

When he normally would be paying a lot more attention to what the hero was saying – maybe hiding somewhere in there was the secret of his sensei's strength -, Genos stayed still, letting Saitama's voice wash over him, luring him into this in-between place right at the edge of sleep and wakefulness.

At this moment, despite everything, all was right in the world.

And really, the fingers that kept slowly carding through his hair were just an added bonus.

Melodies stuck inside your head A song in every breath

#dessy writes #opm #saigenos #genos #saitama #fanfic #asmr #one punch man #fluff

[realklimt]

25/6/18

It’s been absolutely hectic since the funeral and between hangovers and parties I haven’t had time to write. I guess given the aforementioned observation that its almost better to write about events after some time has elapsed so that they’ve had time to congeal into a narrative, that isn’t such a bad thing after all. Anyway, I’m on the train to Bristol now (going to clear out my room) and finally have some time to dedicate to getting it all down on ‘paper’ (‘pixel’?). I brought my laptop and everything, so hopefully I’m gna be able to get a pretty damn good account of things.

The influence of rereading Diary 2 weighs heavy, and inspired by the imaginative structure I employed to record my final days at school I’m going to recycle it and take you through the past few days party by party. Party, of course, I’m using very loosely, to refer first of all to:

 Party 1 – The Funeral

Paradoxical, right? I’d love to be able to say with whole hearted conviction that I’m describing Mum’s funeral as a party because it was a celebration of her life. Unfortunately I didn’t really spend that much time celebrating her, by which I mean talking about her and stuff like that. Most of the time was given over to playing host (Beth, Susan, Sheelps, Georgie, Anjie, Charlie, Alia, Soph, Edmund, Paige, Mel, Milla – u see, an awkward group in need of being comingled, I was on fire) and having a good old giggle and a chinwag with my much missed friends. I think I enjoyed it – the wake part at least – because it was just exactly what I’ve been craving to do for ages – have a drink in luxury with my mates entirely at the expense of someone else (pun – Dad’s money, Mum’s life?). Anyway, I don’t feel so guilty about it because it was a bloody good distraction and exactly what I needed, and besides, what’s the point in being sad?

I’m jumping ahead of myself a bit though because I haven’t even tried to address everything that came before the wake, you know, all the stuff in the cars and the church and that. I managed to keep upbeat and focused on looking forwards to having a drink and a chat with my friends through most of the church. I was trying, dangerously, to balance reverence with excitement, and I didn’t succeed entirely. Processing into the church on Max’s arm I spotted the Bristol kids standing over at the far end of the Church’s parking lot space and gave them a craned head grin. I think I got away with that bit but I know I didn’t get away with the poke in the ribs I gave Alia by way of greeting (I hadn’t considered she was coming, I was buzzing) because when the time came to peace-be-with-you in the middle of mass Smel refused to shake my hand, gave me one of her filthiest glares, and informed me that she couldn’t believe I had said hello to Alia and that I was disgusting. The whole thing hit a nerve, the nerve that was feeling guilty about being so upbeat at Mum’s funeral, and was probably responsible for my subsequent mellowing, and inability to hold back the tears. Moon River, violinned at the end of the Mass, completely did Dad, and it fucked me quite a lot too. But then I would have to be a proper bastard not to have cried at that.

The crem wasn’t so bad. Channah made a really nice speech. I think the thing was that I knew it would be over in 20 minutes and then the whole, sad, hard thing was at an end, and I could go get drunk with my friends. There was one totally bit, which was, like the church, right at the end. That song came on (crazy how music is always the trigger for emotion – observe) and it was that song that Dad picked, I think it’s called ‘Loving You’. Anyway its completely beautiful and utterly perfect. There’s a lyric which goes something like ‘loving you makes everyday be in spring time’ – anyway that’s the sentiment, and that sentiment is what really fucked me up. Being with Mum really was like being in one long, eternal summer holiday – there was always laughter blooming like flowers and the house was always full and in bloom and I can’t refine this metaphor now because it’s making me want to cry on the train but basically the house used to be really full with flowers and now it just feels kind of awkward and empty and it’s never going to be full to the bursting again because there’s a big ass gap where she should be.

Let’s keep it happy now. Because really, apart form those few moments, it was a good day, and I had fun. Everyone dribbled away and in the end the only people left were the family, so all the cousins and of course Maria. She was being strangely very good fun at the Wentworth and, basically completely drunk, I ended up having a good old laugh and chat with her which I carried on into the taxi home, where it morphed into some stupid declaration of ongoing affection (you know the drill –  ‘I know we’ve grown apart but the great thing is that whenever we see each other it’s exactly the same’ – all that bullshit). So we were all piled into a cab and we got home, there were like twenty or so people there what with Channah and Craig and I think Chrissy and Sean too from Dad’s friends, and of course Dad and Smell and Uncle Tony (Max still in the thick of exams so was taken home by Angie) and Me and Johnny and Maria. Started feeding myself and Maria and Smell some gin and tonics but got bored of that so asked Maria, on a bizarre whim that was obviously brewing for a while but which I fully accept was entirely inappropriate, if she’d like to do some coke. I don’t know if she felt obliged to indulge me given that it was Jackie’s funeral or if she just genuinely fancied it but she said ‘I mean, sure, if we can’t today then when can we’ and we trotted upstairs, did a key in the locked bathroom, then fell on my bed, wide eyed and high, and got very deep very fast. As always with coke I remember feeling at total liberty to say absolutely anything I fancied (ah, the perfect drug) but struggling to find the right words (at a few moments I literally exclaimed ‘damn I’m not making sense I’m too high to articulate’), and not able to remember exactly what it was I did end up saying. But the basic gist was a general outpouring of cooped up thoughts (I hadn’t had the chance to vent to anyone other than this diary for weeks). I’m not sure I brought it up or if she did but we ended up on the topic of our similarly long term boyfriends and our similar frustration and desire to ‘experience more’. That’s how I got the scoop that Maria is almost definitely going to end it with Johnny, amicably if she can, and with the potential to rediscover one another after discovering themselves. Interesting stuff, stuff I’ve since been happy to disseminate in traditionally loose lipped fashion (really should work on that) but also stuff which I can entirely identify with. More than anything I think I’m just bored with Charlie and frustrated that that isn’t sufficient motivation to end a largely happy and functional relationship. So basically what I’m getting at is that I identify a lot with her at the moment, and that since she’s stopped being obsessed with Johnny she’s sort of reverted to her old, fun self, and basically, made me very tempted to take her up on her invitation to go visit Brighton and see her art show later this week.

Once we’d ridden the high down a few earthward sloping cloud banks (or should I say ‘I’d’ – she kept insisting she wasn’t very high) it felt safe enough to venture downstairs. The party had dribbled away and it ended up being just Johnny, Maria, Channah, Craig and myself slobbing around the early hours kitchen. Channah, Johnny and I had a conversation about Grandad on the sofa in which Channah vehemently defended him against my accusations (‘selfish, arrogant’ parried with ‘he may have been an awful father but he was my Grandad and he was sick’) with Johnny riding the middle ground. That chat wound up and then it was onto the next one in the kitchen, though this felt less like a chat than the q & a with the victim of mourning everyone has been hoping for these past months. I wound up in the hotseat, the swivel stool floating ominously adrift of all other furniture in the middle of the kitchen floor (my emotional isolation…). Channah, drunk and slurring, was the luck interviewer who finally had enough dutch courage to interrogate me with a vengeance.

Accusations came veiled in sympathy and support – ‘you seem alright now but when it does hit you you know that we’re all here for you because you’re my little cousin an I love you’. I’m proud because I think that I rather eloquently externalised the internal monologue that has backing tracked the past few weeks, namely how it has already hit me and I’m okay and I’ve somehow managed to internalise it all and not get completely fucked up. I trotted out the much rehearsed soliloquy on why I don’t feel life is unfair, you know, the one with the babies that get the exact same thing and the people whose whole family get killed in bomb raids and how can I say my life is unfair when fairness is measured against the common experience of human life on this planet which tends, almost exclusively, to look beside mine comparatively shit?

Anyway, cue ‘I don’t know how you’re so strong’ and ‘you’ve made everyone so proud’, which was to be expected but still kind of nice feeling. I’m a posturer and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t partly enjoy the limelight my interview afforded me, and the insistence on my own sadness Channah wouldn’t let drop I excuse her on the grounds she was very very drunk and only trying to help. She did ask one question which I stalled at because I simply didn’t think it was a very good one, which was ‘what’s your favourite memory of your Mum?’ – I don’t know but I think that to pick one would be kind of irreverent. Anyway it struck a nerve with Maria because she had a bit to say about how inconsiderate it was during round two of our dmc in my bedroom (under the pretext of getting pyjamas). That conversation was mainly devoted to the sensation of being a circus attraction that comes with grief, which I tried my best to explain ad which Maria was, to her credit, remarkably receptive and kind about. The thing with her is that I know she has a wicked streak, and that however lovely and kind and understanding she can be, I’m always kind of doubting whether it’s all part of some elaborate ruse. If it was, then it worked on the funeral – as I said to her, ‘it’s ironic that everyone keeps trying to get me to talk to them and in the end the only person I’ve opened up to is the one who never pressured me to – you’.

For all that she claimed she was dissatisfied with Johnny, Maria still let him spoon her to sleep on the sofa. I slept on the front room floor with some pillows, and woke up a few hours later. We didn’t get to sleep until 4 am. On Thursday I was trashed.

 Party 2 – The Pool Party

The pool in question being Ella’s, the party her 21st. I guess I shouldn’t really have gone to it, given it was only two days after the funeral and Dad was very upset, but it was just too good of an opportunity to pass up. It was, after all, the very consummation of all my efforts – having gotten good grades, gone to a good university, made rich friends, here I was, the ultimate symbol of social climbing – going to my rich friend’s summer house in the South downs to spend a day drinking, eating, tanning and slobbing about a pristine pool at her parent’s expense. The fact that I’m not even that good friend’s with Ella somehow made it even better. I got in by the skin of my teeth, not on the merit of personality, but social finesse – she couldn’t exclude me because I was a member of her circle, because I’d wormed my way into a house with a group of people far cooler, richer, and prettier than I would ever be. And god, I can tell you, it was literally everything I hoped it would be.

Okay so I kinda fucked up and haven’t had time/ effort to come back to this until now, which is Thursday (28/06/18, in bed, lazy morning) cos the train wasn’t long enough to get it all down and I was at work all day yesterday and Bristol turned out to be more full on than I expected but never mind. I reckon your Mum’s funeral is a pretty *momentous occasion* that deserves to hog a good few hours diary time so it’s really no surprise that parties two and three suffered as a result. In the time that’s elapsed between writing here I’ve also accumulated a fourth party to add to the proceedings, which we’ll get to in due course – but first I better polish of two and three as well as I can (the once crystal memories slip backwards into a murkier abyss).

So to give image of Ella’s pool party in sort of broad strokes: I met Georgie at Clapham where we boarded the train to Barnham, the seat of the Dunn families Sussex retreat. As planned we met Sheelps on the train with her trailing entourage of Ella’s future housemates (Kavya et al.) and, happy surprise, Steffen. The whole party was a real bonding experience, I feel, between me and Steff – he was the only one from his house and immediate circle of friends at the party (others didn’t receive an invite, news received in turn with bitterness), so he had no choice but to attach himself to G and Susan and Beth and I, and we had some good chats, established a sort of rapport. Anyway when we got to Ella’s it was all that was expected but also somehow better – I’d had a great sandstone manor house in mind, but it wa in fact more rustic and cutsie, if still sprawling, all brick and ivy and climbing roses. The whole thing felt very Period drama, what with all the walled gardens connected by hedged walkways and opening onto farmy vistas – that is, until one arrived at the pool area. Think rhombus deck chairs, think polygonal glass poolhouse structure, think ground level wicker sofas, think fire pit and flat screen TV’s: it looked like something off the Kardshian’s, or the villa out of Love Island. The latter association as naturally picked up, and indeed, our twenty four hours spent slobbing around that magnificently modern pool area felt a lot like we were playing at reality tv, hopping from sleepy chat to private gossip, lying on each-others sun warmed arms with the greatest ease and intimacy. Things really picked up when Beth and Susan arrived a few hours after us, and Georgie, Steff and I a somewhat stunted trio on our own, were able to retreat into the warm familiarity of our own established group. Probably my favourite thing about the whole party was how comfortable I felt socially. Relaxing together in our own private deckchair area, bitching about some of Ella’s more irritating friends, sneaking off to get coked up in the tipi away from Ella’s (sensitive? Prying? Judging? Idk she just don’t like drugs) eyes, and staying up when everyone else was engaging in the moronic fraternity (golden sunrise, Will Costello and Dick dancing with us, balanced outrageously on the garden wall, oasis et al classics blaring) it really felt like I’d regained what I loved so much in school, that sensation that I was a key part of a very comfortable club on which others looked in envy and thought ‘wow. I wish I had a group of friends as happy with each other as that’. I’ve never properly felt like that at Uni. Joy.

 Party 3 – BBQ

Destroyed on Saturday evening. Train home, near disaster when phone died at Egham station. Couldn’t bear the thought of Dad’s wrath (he get’s especially pissy about travelling without an phone charge), but luckily a kind Indian man in the off licence let me use his phone charger. Dream.

Sunday morning, dragged to horse show but put up with it for UJ because, well, fair. England playing Panama that afternoon so we rushed home where we were met by Frys and family (Tone, Anj, Max, John, Diva etc.) for footy and barby. Max’s friend came too and we were told to get our mates over so after the match Edmund trotted over and we sat and had some drinks in the sun. Camilla finished work at 6:30 and joined us too.

I don’t really know what more to say about party 3 except that it was great fun chatting with Edmund and Milla (Beth keeps saying that she thought all my ‘home friends’ were really fun when she met them a the funeral and it’s at time’s like party 3 that I really believe her) and that it felt a little bit empty because Mum wasn’t there. I kept seeing Dad sitting alone and worrying about him, and hearing snatches of his conversation where he said things like ‘everyday is torture’, so I buried myself in happier chats and a good few drinks and, well yeah. That’s kind of it.

 Party 4 – Cocaina Blue Lagoona

Wherein the name gives it away. Monday night in Bristol with Beth and Susan, clearing out the house. Wasn’t the same easy chats and intimacy that I’d been enjoying at Ella’s – suspect it may be something to do with the domestic I overheard Beth and Susan having just before we hit the Lagoon, something about Susan being short and sarcastic with Beth which Beth didn’t like. Interesting insight, we’ll see how that one plays out. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t quite like the idea of wedging myself in the cracks between Beth and Susan – but can you blame me? It’s tiring hanging around best friends.

Anyway, we’d done most of the packing so we hit up Blue Lagoon where, surprise surprise, Maddy was waiting. Maddy’s course friend was also there and though I can’t remember her name I actually really liked her and I thought she was a welcome addition to the party. The same can’t be said for Maddy. I mean, I really have tried to like her and I know she’s sweet really and she really is very kind and including to me but I don’t know – she’s just so loud! And so Maddy orientated. It just get’s wearing sitting in a group and every perceivable lull in conversation is filled with a new exclamation about what Maddy has been up to, which will of course dominate the conversation until she remembers something else she wanted to tell us about her day. Honestly so relieved she’s going on a bloody year abroad. If you want my opinion, she almost always makes a night worse, and seldom improves it. That’s just my honest opinion.

Anyway. Blue Lagoon wouldn’t let us have alcohol outside past 11 so we had to move inside and endure the deafening music in there. Beth snuck to the toilet and did some coke, something she only told Susan and I. After half an hour of conspiratorially waggling her eyebrows across the table at us she finally outed herself to Maddy, a declaration met not with outrage but surprise, and then the suggestion we all go back to Maddy’s for afters and get coked up. That’s kind of exactly what happened. Not much else to report. Oh yeah, except this, which future you may find funny. Maddy has this ‘party trick’ which she thinks is the nuts where she balances a can of cider on her head and like moves around. From the way she and people talk about this you’d think she’d shoved it up her ass, I mean, you should hear them go on and see the reels of photos they take. It’s not impressive, it’s boring. I was pretty coked by the time she got round to doing it so I can’t remember fully, but I hoped I yawned.

Anyway. I feel like we’re kind of up to date. Needless to say the diet has gone completely off the rails over the last week, so I’m now on a three day detox before Grace’s. Gna try go until about two or three without eating – intermittent fasting, do yo thang!

PS. You’ll notice that I’ve barely mentioned Mum, and that I don’t really sound sad. That’s the thing with distractions. But what happens is that when I’m finally alone and I’m lying in bed and I’ve turned off my phone and the noise is all gone, I suddenly realise that I haven’t thought about her in a while, and that that’s how life will be until at last I don’t think about her at all. I think that’s the saddest thing ever. How your everything can suddenly shrink to your sometimes, and then to your rarely ever at all, a footnote in your life. I don’t really know how to remedy this but I think that maybe writing about it might be a good way to start. Not to self. Less partying, more writing. Let’s not let this all go to waste.