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#anyways. brain damage. see when u think too much....

whyse7vn · 1 year

Text

MILITARY WIFE -

[ot7 x reader]

SEOKJIN -

jin: if you’re pregnant now this the time to tell me

y/n: blocking you

jin: you are my fire

y/n: kick fucking rocks seokjin

jin: breaking both my legs

y/n: are you gonna miss me that much?

jin: no

being in the army seems like so much effort

y/n: bye

jin: i’m so fr

what the fuck am i kim seokjin gonna do in the fucking army

y/n: ran laps and shit idk

jin: FOR 2 YEARS

oh no

sorry not going

i have a really bad knee and ur pregnant my arm is bent backwards and hitting all these c4’s has given me slight brain damage

y/n: clearly

jin: what

y/n: what

jin: plus ur like super depressed and me leaving would only increase that depression which is understandable

yk? since i’m me and all

y/n: i think i’ll be fine

jin: don’t lie babe

y/n: just say ur gonna miss me and move on kim seokjin

jin: i won’t and pls stop saying my full name i don’t know you like that…

y/n: suddenly ur single

jin: wtf what did i do

y/n: i’m so sick of you

jin: see a doctor or something idk?

but we need to make a baby like rn ur not pregnant right ?

y/n: no and i don’t plan on being anytime soon

jin: um that’s not apart of the plan…

i clearly said ur pregnant my arm is bent backwards and something bout a knee injury are you not following?????

y/n: no i am

i just think ur being ridiculous

jin: ME???????

i think ur the ridiculous one rn

ur loving bf is trying to stay with you and is willing to go against the laws to do so and ur not helping???

i think we should take a break or something…

y/n: for 2 years?

jin: OMG UR WORKING WITH THEM ARENT YOU?

you want me gone

y/n: …

YOONGI -

y/n:

yoongi: bye

i’m not even gone yet

y/n: i don’t know if i’m ready for the military wife shit…

yoongi: we aren’t married so you don’t need to worry about that life

y/n: shut the fuck up

anyways

bae why didn’t you tell me sooner i mean what if was pregnant or something ???

yoongi: you’ve known for a whole year and ur not pregnant.

y/n: WHAT IF YOONGI

yoongi: do not start this shit again.

y/n: you wouldn’t be there when i gave birth..

the first birthday…

i can’t do this yoongi…

yoongi: oh no i guess we have to break up😱

y/n: yk what i’m gonna have a blast when ur gone

yoongi: crazy

what about the baby

y/n: fuck the baby the baby isn’t real it was a test of your love and commitment to me and you FAILED

yoongi: damn :/

y/n: you’ll be fine tho right

yoongi: ofc my love

y/n: i mean idc i knew that lolz

was just checking

yoongi: i know bby

y/n: ew ur hot and i love you

yoongi: ew?

y/n: ew

yoongi: ew i guess i love you too

y/n: and u think i’m hot?

yoongi: the hottest

y/n: ur so cringe bro

yoongi: bro???

y/n: it’s time to put this picture up i think

yoongi: 😐

y/n: and when people come to our house i’m gonna be like “yeah that’s my husband… he’s out at war rn” (i’m looking out the window at this point) a single tear runs down my face as i rub my stomach and smile “he’ll be back soon” then there’ll be a knock at the door making me and who ever tf is with me jump a little i go answer the door with the person following behind me (they are nosey af) i open the door and gasp “bang pd… what are you doing here?” he’s holding his hat in his hands and looks really upset he looks at the ground as he speaks to me “y/n….”

yoongi: what the fuck

let the pregnancy thing go

and just because i’m joining the military doesn’t mean i’m going to war you know that right?

and why do i have to die at the end?

y/n: you need to be asking the real questions like who tf is in the house with me ?

also i never said you died YOU said that

yoongi: well it was implied that i died

y/n: shut UP

yoongi: anyways im omw home put the heating on

y/n: sir yes sir 🫡

JIMIN -

y/n: WHEN YOU SAID LIGHT IT UP LIKE DYNAMITE YOU WAS FR THIS WHOLE TIME ?!?

jimin: yeah babe 😔💔

y/n: you fr gonna me lighting hoes up ????

jimin: with a little funk and soul

y/n: omg send me a pic of ur first ak 🥺

jimin: idk if they’ll actually give us guns

y/n: why not?

jimin: kim namjoon with a gun make that make sense

y/n: ur so right

maybe they’ll just give you one

and yoongi the others idk…

my boys and their lil pistols 🥺🥺🥺🥺

jimin: do you think i’ll look good bald?

y/n: no

but it’s okay i’ll still love you

jimin: …

y/n: xoxo

NAMJOON -

y/n: you taking this army shit too far don’t you think…

namjoon: 🤨

y/n: i’m ur number one supporter always but like…

i’m all for army don’t get me wrong

but actually joining one i think you’ve got confused…

namjoon: babe.

y/n: so if you could fix ur confusion then we can continue

namjoon: buzzcut

y/n: ur bags are packed

when do you join

when do i get to see

you can take your phone with you right

GOd FORBID I LET YOU TAKE THAT FUCK ASS ANDROID make sure you take that iphone

you can definitely send me photos right

ur gonna be so buff omg

i’m gonna combust

but i like ur long hair

wtf no

☹️☹️☹️☹️

it makes you look so great

it’s so you

so soft

frames ur face so nicely

what if i hate the buzz

what if ur head is wonky

nvm u cant do it

tell them ur not going because what if the other people bully you for ur wonky head

i won’t be there to help you

i cant have that

ok it’s official you’re staying

namjoon: babe

y/n: call them namjoon before it’s too late

namjoon: it’s going to be fine

y/n: no it’s not

wtf am i gonna do without you

FOR 2 YEARS BABE

ur telling me i have to eat alone as in all by myself ?

no thanks

i’ll pass

namjoon: stop it

it’ll be fine

y/n: 😟😟😟😟😟😟

don’t talk to me i’m sad

man

what the heck

ok i’m over it

namjoon: oh?

y/n: yep

namjoon: cool

y/n: cool.

namjoon: 👍🏻

y/n: fuck you and ur stupid little thumbs up

namjoon: what

y/n: what if i also join the army

namjoon: be fr with me love

y/n: WDYM i could so do it

namjoon: right…

if you were to join

it literally changes nothing

y/n: :c

we could shoot guns together

and have a picnic on the field

namjoon: we would be separated babe

y/n: FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

namjoon: oh wow

y/n: i am over it

namjoon: ofc you are

y/n: are you trying to fight me??

namjoon: no??

y/n: how about i pack ur bags now

just leave me in the dirt already idc

namjoon: ☹️

TAEHYUNG -

y/n: is all of seventeen single?

tae: idk wtf

i do not see why this is relevant

y/n: yk

tae: yk what?

y/n: i’m going to ask google

tae: hello what???

y/n: google didn’t help

the bitch said maybe maybe not

loser

she’s supposed to KNOW

tae: what is going on

and do you not have their numbers

thought u were besties

y/n: IK THAT

but i can’t just ask like that what if they catch on

what then tae

tae: catch on to what?

y/n: that i want one of them

are you silly

keep up

but that would totally ruin my whole plan

tae: ???

are you sick in the head

ur bf is right here

you are actively telling me all this yk that right?

ur kinda a bad cheater

y/n: hey

i need to make plans for the future ur gonna be gone for 2 years i need to be loved

tae: i’ll still love you when i’m in the army wtf

y/n: cute

but that will not cut it

who will i wake up to everyday?

who will play the trumpet at 9pm really loud and do it as bad as you?

who will talk to me about their sick obsession with feet?

tae: fine be like that

i just find a new gf fuck you

cheating BITCH

y/n: wtf

that is not fair i let you kiss and cuddle ur all ur little members for our whole relationship

i think it’s only fair that i get to hold a seventeen members hand for a bit

tae: i DO NOT kiss and cuddle them wtf

y/n: okay.

tae: what if somebody leaks our chats and the people believe that

it will ruin my perfect image

y/n: they already think you kiss and cuddle and ur doing perfectly fine

tae: how do you know

y/n: how do you not know

tae: what seventeen member do you want

y/n: don’t talk about my bfs like they are shopping items

but i am not picky woman

first come first serve

tae: but you-

nvm idc

fuck you

y/n: maybe i’ll date them all at once

then i fr never be lonely

tae: my fans will dox you and take all ur money

y/n: booo

my house is your house

my money is your money

we’ll be doxxed and broke together when you come back 😍

my 13 men will take care of me when ur gone

tae: 13 men is 26 feet 🦶

y/n: this is when i stop talking to you

JUNGKOOK -

jk: :(

me when i think about going to the army

me when i think about being alone

me when think about being away from you

me 2 hours ago

me rn

y/n: what changed in the last 2 hours

jk: i got something

y/n: what did you get

jk: i don’t want to tell you

just know it makes me happy and i’m a grown adult so i can buy what ever i want

y/n: omg okay.

why so defensive what the hell

jk: you shouted at me last time i told you about something i got

y/n: jungkook you brought a rock for 4k

ROCK

for

jk: the past is the past for a reason

y/n: anyways

what did you get

jk: not telling

anyways have i told you how much i love toy story

loved it for my whole life

y/n: you watched it for the first time yesterday

jk: ok?

y/n: bye

maybe going to the army will do you good

they might be able to scare you into acting right

jk: i act perfectly fine the heck?

y/n: a 4k rock is not perfectly fine to me

LIKE FR A PLAIN NORMAL ROCK it’s all coming back to me ur actually so sick in the head omg

jk: LET IT GO OMG

ur making me upset

y/n: what the fuck jungkook

jk: ?????

y/n: how much money did you pay for this

jk: not following

are we still on the rock?

because it was 4k you literally just said that

y/n: jungkook

jk: stop saying my name i’m kinda scared rn

y/n: WHY DID A PACKAGE OF 1462 TOY STORY SOCKS JUST COME TO MY DOOR?

jk: oh

lolz

why would you open it

was my package not urs :(

y/n: how much was it

jk: my phone is going crazy rn omg

i think someone leaked my number

i have to get rid of it asap omg

y/n: i will not let you into this house

how much was it

jk: haha

so um

funny thing is

omg is that car coming towards me?

omg i think itBDSHD/£:££:£:£:;£;&3&348(8(8(84847£4£44££;£3&3&

hey

this is a random lady on the street ur bf jungkook got hit by a car he idk if he’s alive let me pass the phone

hEy babbbe i cAn hrdly breatheee rn idk if i’m gnA make ittttt

jst know in my last momentttts i was thInking obf u luv u biye xx

y/n: do not come home unless you want to die fr

jk: hello this is the random lady again ur bf died i’m sorry for ur loss

y/n: how much did the socks cost you

jk: 7

y/n: 7?

jk: k

y/n: i pray the army takes everything from you

jk: ….

y/n: including ur will to live

HOSEOK -

hobi: until i join the army i have decided to live my life as an australian

starting now

y/n: how unfortunate

hobi: naur way it’s dandy mate

y/n: oh wow

what made you make this decision?

hobi: i saw that new jeans girl say let’s gaur and my life was changed mate

y/n: ur accents so strong it comes through in text that’s crazy i must say

hobi: let’s gaur down under on top naur way

y/n: this is taking years off my life

hobi: naur way mate hopefully it takes 2 years off mine mate let’s gaur

y/n: this feels like it’s a form of self punishment

hobi: bingo mate naur way you’ve cracked it i wanna die mate

y/n: wow

this is a lot to take in all at once

hobi: naur mate this is crush hour crush hour let’s gaur

y/n: idk if australians say naur in every sentence

hobi: naur mate it’s an auzzy thing mate you would get it let’s gaur

y/n: no cuz ur so right my fault

hobi: naur i think it’s time i end this let’s gaur

i will now only talk in song lyrics

starting now

pop pop pop

y/n: oh man

i was just starting to like the australian thing

hobi: pull my sneakers on

tell me tell me

y/n: tell you what?

hobi: got army right behind us when we say so

y/n: soon u will be army

isn’t that crazy

hobi: darling i don’t wish you well

y/n: omg ?!

rude

breaking up with you

hobi: i might kill my ex

y/n: sick little fuck

hobi: kiss kiss fall in love

baby i’m sorry

y/n: forgive you

hobi: i’m not sorry

ok i’ve decided i only want to talk in emoji

starting now

☠️

y/n: i feel like i’m having a stroke

hobi: 😭🙏🏻

y/n: i’m leaving now

hobi: 😟😟😟😟😟😟

😣😣😣😣😣

😰😰😰😰😰

😞😞😞😞😞

😐😐😐😟😟

…

kinda hate this one. did write it before jin left too so yez also sorry jimin’s one is kinda short it’s sosososs long to make these individual ones i feel like as i go through each member you can see me low-key going insane and shit not making any sense hope you enjoyed it tho xoxo

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ourflagmeansgayrights · 7 months

Text

ofmd s2e1 rewatch where i pause to jot down my thoughts and other random shit

not quite a reaction post bc i've already watched the whole thing. not quite a liveblog bc it's one post and it's probably gonna take me a full hour to get through a 28 minute episode at the rate of pausing and typing i'll be doing

s2e1, s2e2, s2e3, s2e4, s2e5, s2e6, s2e7, s2e8

anyway, pirate time:

i love how much fun con is having choking on his own blood

dream!stede's extremely teary face right before he takes off running down the beach is doing psychic damage to me

also dream!stede's stupid ridiculous outfit with all the long ribbons and shit...

ed and stede make contact so hard shjfkhsgjkfd the loud OUGH sounds from both of them

also the return of ed's old beard! i didnt expect to see her at all this season, so that was a surprise.

"babe" "love" im tearing out my own hair

stede has yet to learn that ripping ass near your beloved can be a love language

stede is a terrible fucking roommate just deal with wee john's gas in silence like the rest of them. goddamn.

WHO HAS THE OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH TRAMP STAMP. WHO IS THAT.

i like when the background OST is familiar to me lol the little strings when stede starts his letter throwing me back to s1

olu: that–that's the swede the swede: Im the swede roach: he's single ;) me: *pissing my pants with laughter*

also the direct confirmation that the swede literally doesn't have a name. incredible

shjkfhdhfkj the crew encouraging him. stede's "it's okay" and roach "be brave" im CRYINGGGGG

stede doing customer service is something that can be so personal. "reservation?" "eat my fuckin' shit" "right! walk-ins, then" average restaurant experience

the random background guy saying "my favorite hand!" abt getting stabbed in the hand is making me giggle. i love the humor on this show

why does stede have so much shoulder movement going on when he's walking through the bar. whore behavior.

"this is for mom!" sorry but i want to know more abt whatever's going on there

also the purple mohawk. dope.

buttons is so distressed LET HIM RETURN TO THE SEA THESE CONDITIONS ARE INHUMANE

"i know the odds of you finding this are slim but so were the odds of us finding each other in the first place" IM RIPPING OFF MY OWN SKIN

also stede's lil sad hopeful smile after throwing the bottle... i care him

i love how they make this wedding fucking suck so we don't feel too bad abt the whole massacre thing. "the natural condition of humanity is base and vile. it is the obligation of people of standing, such as yourselves, to elevate the common human rabble through the sacred transaction of matrimony" if i was at a wedding and the officiant said that i'd also start killing people probably

yayy murder montage :)

FANG BREAKING THAT GUY'S SPINE OVER HIS KNEE

the whole cake scene is so fucking funny im sorry. i love u jim drawing the line at attacking a shitty wedding. i love u archie who wasn't here for the good old days so you dont really see a problem with how things are. i love u frenchie with ur box in ur brain that u never open again. i love u fang it's gonna get better i swear. i love u frenchie again bc u just took the cake right out of fang's hands while he was fucking sobbing hfjhgkjhdkjkf

I MISS IVAN JUSTICE FOR IVAN. wish they could've said he'd just fucked off somewhere instead of dying but i think that would've raised the question of why hasn't anyone else fucked off since they all seem so miserable

very relieved that stede isn't taking the racist/antisemitic caricature drawings of ed to make like a boyfriend scrapbook like some people were theorizing. would've been overkill if after episode 4 from last season stede still didn't realize that ed hated these sorts of depictions of him.

INTERESTING DETAIL THO the background music in this scene is "a pirate's life" aka the song frenchie sang in the pilot. it's an instrumental version obviously but yeah i recognize that tune

also more cool background ppl with dyed hair man i love this show

zheng yi sao flirting with olu is so good. he deserves it.

how nice of ed to offer his drugs to the crew. sharing is caring.

also it's so funny to me that the thing izzy is tormented by is ed saying "you can't do the job, someone else will" the toe thing's happened three times and apparently that was fine but the thing the show edits together right before izzy breaks down into the most pathetic aheemheem whimpers isn't any of that it's ed threatening to fire him

also they cut ed throwing knives at izzy!! what the hell.

releasing the clip of izzy crying kinda ruined it for me when it came time to watch it in the show bc i watched it several times since it dropped and now seeing it in context i was like "ok i've seen this already fast forward." i mean i didnt fast forward through it but i did kinda zone out bc i've seen this bit already. this post kinda sums up my thoughts on it

"trifling ingrate plan" dshkjfshgdskhfjkhgkjh

"SEMI-CLEAN WATER"

JACKIE CALLING THE SWEDE "BOO CAKES"

"i know that guy we had breakfast together!" "you'll be having a lot of breakfasts-es together" "oh, okay" i fucking love this whole dynamic like i can tell they're writing the swede out of most of the episodes for budget reasons (sorry nat faxon) but by god do they give him such an excellent fucking send-off. can't wait to see him again when he's in his trophy husband number 20 era

roach is upset abt not being able to cook, buttons is tied up so he doesn't go running back to the sea (i assume). stede you are not giving your crew the environment they need to thrive.

olu being an optimist :)

buttons opens his mouth to drink the rain and in the background u can see roach yanking the rope around buttons back fhdjskgfjhgkjfh STEDE YOUR SEA WITCH CANNOT THRIVE IN THESE CONDITIONS

stede tries to make things sound good in his bottle letters to ed but out loud he says his actual insecurities... it's so fucking tasty tho that he thinks ed could be doing better without him and THAT'S why he's been stalling so much. not afraid for his life even a little bit he just assumes he's not wanted. brb i have to cry now

"im sorry if that's a little bit creepy" "you are creepy" in this scene where they're soaked from the rain. ofmd said this prince ricky guys is creepy and wet.

stede's fucking FACE when prince ricky says "you're my hero" his fucking "clearly you dont own an air fryer" face I CANT STAND HIMMMMMM (affectionate)

prince ricky "these rubes" "men of our standing" yeah i cant fucking stand this guy (derogatory) i love how he's barely even in this episode

stede's face when the swede is talking abt how happy he is with jackie... my man believes in love so much im gonna cry

also in what fucking way does the swede owe them a life debt. roach and buttons literally tried to eat him

izzy's "you know me better than anyone knows me and i daresay the same about you" this is literally so false i dont even know where to begin. izzy in e6 being like "if i didnt know any better i'd think maybe ed might possibly maybe be actually enjoying bonnet's company" while ed and stede are giggling and making each other friendship bracelets. this guy doesn't know ed at all.

also i cant get over how izzy wont make eye contact he's like staring blankly into the middle distance delivering these lines so flatly until he goes to say "i have... love for you" and in that moment he looks like he'd rather ed were feeding him more toes.

"im worried about you, we all are" not gonna lie my dude you've had a weird way of showing it thus far. where was all that worry when you told him he was better off dead than wearing a robe and singing songs?? where was that fucking love then?

and NOW izzy wants to talk it through. izzy literally voted to make blackbeard great again and now he wants to give open communication a chance???

lmao there's a limit to how many characters can be in a bulleted list so here's fucking. part two. on the same post:

ed asking everyone if the vibe is poisonous and fang cant stop crying and ed's face is just like "eh good enough" im fdhksgfkjtdkh

anyway ed with a loaded gun under his chin talking to himself is hurting me so fucking much actually. ed my beloved babygirl for whom i would die. this poor traumatized man. yes he is making this workplace toxic as hell but god. GOD. im gonna throw up.

the way ed is so fucking casual about shooting izzy in the leg. just calm and jovial as he promotes frenchie to first mate. stepping over izzy all crumpled on the floor. everything about this is so fucking good. i mean it's horrible for ed and everyone around him but for me watching the show this shit is DELICIOUS. i love when the pirates get violent and unhinged i love when this shit gets fucked up. ed's mental state is so bad right now and it is causing me severe anguish but also it is so tasty. fuck.

anyway frenchie trying to turn down the promotion fhjkghdfjkhf

the cut to the swede performing the husbandly duties is INSANE. COMPLETE TONAL WHIPLASH. I LOVE THIS SHOW.

"fuck those hammies up!" spanish jackie i love you

black pete why are you so fucking loud AND WHY WOULD YOU JIX IT LIKE THAT???

why is prince ricky so small. he's like a full head shorter than stede. also this guy is insufferable i love how stede just fucking abandons him fhjkgdhkdfghkj

"the calf muscle is the most mysterious of alllll the muscles" what the FUCK does that even mean. oh swede i will miss you

NOSE REMOVAL FUCK YES. I LOVE THIS SHOW.

obsessed with the swede playing dumb. the dramatic gasp. "wow, so bad!" fhjsghdkjf

"aint you that soup bitch?" "im the money bitch" i love women.

sfdsjkh spanish jackie being into double-crossing. and slapping the swede's ass on the way out. i love this show

i love how zheng says "this much indigo is worth three times what i paid" while spanish jackie and the husbands are still like, right there. and they just don't hear that bit. incredible.

OUGH the back of jim's weird rope armor looks like a ribcage that's so cool

i love how jim is so fucking bad at telling this story. i love how the monkey's paw comes into it. i love fang asking them to do the voice. i love archie trying to hold back her laughter i love jim and fang giggling together I LOVE THIS SHOW

ed's fucking voice breaking through his whole convo with frenchie. im tearing out my own teeth

HEY DID YOU GUYS KNOW THEY HAVE POST-CREDITS SCENES IN THIS SEASON?????????? WHAT THE HELL

i take back what i said about jim being bad at telling this story their version is so much fucking better. squeaky voice "I pray to you, Dark Lord, to make me real flesh! I want to be real flesh!" IM FUCKING OBSESSED. JIM I WOULD DIE FOR YOU

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travlersjoy444 · 1 year

Text

On the Road to Nowhere

2012 Raph x Reader

Mutant Apocalypse timeline

Summary: After the mutagen bomb goes off, you manage to save Raph and Donnie. Sort of. Dealing with new bodies, memory loss, missing brothers and friends...was maybe not how any of you wanted your adult lives to go, but the world has changed beyond repair.

So with a heavy heart, you and your battered dream team set off onto the road to nowhere.

In other words, the early days of the Mutant Apocalypse.

Warnings: Angst, sadness, the characters cry a lot, bittersweet ending, really hefty word count, implied capriltello but it's in the background, Raphael is trans in this because it's my fic and my rules

Word count: 13.6k

***

Day 0.

Donnie was hooked up to some machine of theirs, trying as hard as he could to save his brain as their body was mangled beyond repair, Casey was texting you nonstop, Mikey and Leo were MIA, Raph was curled up on the couch, and you were sitting on the floor trying to process everything.

CaseyjONES:

R you guys okay??? No ones responding. Me and april are at my house

CaseyjONES:

(Y/N) seriously what’s going on? I know you can see this i see your read symbol

CaseyjONES:

Where are you guys???

Oh yeah. Now that you were done attaching Donnie to his one shot at survival, you could stop ignoring Casey’s texts. Nice.

You:

Sorry Case’ I was kinda preoccupied for a bit there

You:

Leo n Mikey are missing. Donnie and I retreated back into the lair. Raph is freaking out, I think he hit his head. Would ask Dee, but Dee is compromised.

CaseyjONES:

Compromised???

You:

They fell off a building and got impaled. Is currently uploading his consciousness into an old Metalhead prototype. Very horrifying to witness. Status update, I feel like throwing up.

CaseyjONES:

…

CaseyjONES:

Shit

You:

Shit indeed

You:

Anyways, I’m mostly uninjured. Arm mighta gotten mildly sprained but y’know what i’ll worry bout that later. Lair is a mess, only thing really salvageable was the lab. Probably gonna leave as soon as dee is stable. How are you guys?

CaseyjONES:

My sister got mutated. Last thing she touched was our cat so now she’s got claws. Shes freakin out and aprils trying to calm her down with empath powers or whatever. My dad is MIA but good riddance if ya ask me. Broke mty arm so im typing this with 1 hand, and april sprained her ankel. The cat has miraculously survived + is sittig w/ me on the couch wich is pretty cool ngl

You:

So youre all stable???

CaseyjONES:

Yea

You:

Oh thank god

You:

Cas my phones about to die. Dee n i will contact ya soon as theyre stable. Love ya. Stay safe or i’ll kill u

CaseyjONES:

Cool cool. Love you too. keep everyone+urself safe. Hopefully we;ll see yo soon.

You sighed as your phone clicked off, definitively cutting off your final connection to your friends.

Raph whimpered behind you in one of the most un-Raph like ways you’d ever heard, and you turned around.

“Raph? You okay?” You rasped.

He was curled around himself tightly, rocking back and forth.

“Who the fuck are you?” He whispered, tears in his eyes.

You winced. You were guessing he had some form of amnesia, or some kind of damage to the hippocampus.

“I’m (Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N). You’re my best friend, but I think you hit your head in all the chaos.” You said slowly, feeling your heart sink even further.

He gave a strangled sob and shoved his face into his knee pads. “I hate this. Who the fuck am I?”

“You’re Raphael Hamato. You’re the son of Splinter or Hamato Yoshi. You’re the brother of Donatello, Leonardo, and Michelangelo, and the father of Chompy Picasso. You’re the best friend ever to me. You hit your head when Leo saved us from the mutagen bomb. I’m pretty sure it is currently the end of the known world.” You answered slowly, robotically. You were half-aware of how you were saying it for your own sanity as much as you were for Raph’s.

“Where are we?” Raph said, voice trembling in a way that seemed so out of character.

“Your home. Well. Sorta. It kinda got partially destroyed, there were a lotta cave ins.” You said numbly, standing up. “D’ya wanna tour? See if it…I’unno, sparks a few memories?”

He pressed his shell to the back of the couch, scooting away from you. “D’you think that’ll help? …How do I know I can trust you?”

“...C’mere.” You said, waving towards Donnie’s bulletin board in the back of the lab. Hesitantly, Raph followed after you, though not without a groan of pain.

“That’s you.” You murmured, unpinning a photo of a smiling Raph and Casey as they posed in front of a wall you’d all spray painted. “I took this photo when we were fifteen, about three years ago. That human is Casey Jones, our close friend.”

Raph took the photo, squeezing it lightly in his shaky hands. “Show me another.” He demanded.

“Here’s you and I at the farmhouse.” You smiled fondly at the memory. “I was bored and convinced you to let me give you eyeliner.” Photo-Raph was scowling at the camera, with his arms crossed and pointy winged liner around his eyes. Photo-you was grinning proudly, holding the eyeliner pen with one hand and giving photo-Raph a side-hug with the other.

Real-Raph accepted the photo. “That’s me, then?”

“Yeah.”

“Why don’t I look like you and this guy?”

“We’re humans. You’re a mutant.” You said simply. “A turtle/human hybrid, like your siblings.”

You pointed to a group shot. “The one with the blue mask is Leonardo, orange is Mikey, and purple is…uhm. Well, purple was Donnie...” You said, trying to choke back tears as you stared at the photo. “I-is any of this…y’know, ringing any bells?” You managed to mumble out through your tears.

Raph shook his head. “No.”

“Oh.” You said, feeling a fresh new wave of dread wash over you. You took a deep breath. “Well. That’s not ideal.”

“Where are the other…turtles?” Asked Raph, clearly hesitant to call these supposed strangers his siblings, which nearly broke you even further.

“Mikey and Leo are missing, and Donnie…” You sighed. “Well, I’d probably better just show you.”

You lead him over to the table where Donnies mutilated body sat underneath a sheet. Wires ran from underneath it and connected to a tiny Metalhead robot.

“What’s…wrong with him?” Raph said softly, reaching for the sheet.

“Don’t.” You breathed, brushing his hand away. “You don’t wanna see it, trust me. They fell off a building and got impaled by shrapnel and debris. Their body isn’t exactly pretty or…y’know. Recognizable as Donatello.”

“They’re dead?” Raph asked, and the tinge of discomfort in his voice wasn’t nearly enough for the situation- the Raph you knew would be yelling and crying and screaming, not…not being mildly uncomfortable in the way that one is when a stranger dies.

“Yes and no. He’s uploading his brain into that robot. There’s only about an hour left before it loads. After that, we’re outta here for good. The scavengers’ll be coming soon, so we havta get a move on sooner than later.” You said, an empty hollow feeling in your chest as you said the words ‘for good’.

It just felt so real.

“C’mon. Let’s see if your room has anything salvageable.” You grunted, leaving Donnie’s body behind.

Raph’s room had partially caved in, but the front of it still looked okay. His drum set sat undamaged in the corner, though you doubted there was room for it in the Shellraiser, so it was a moot point.

Raph stared vacantly at the place that had once mattered so much to him, without a single hint that he recognized any of it in his empty features. You wanted to hug him so bad. Maybe more for your own comfort than for his.

But then again, you needed the familiar hug of your best friend…not this vacant eyed empty shell of a turtle who didn’t recognize you.

“Oh hey look. That box says ‘photos’ on it.” Raph said lightly, pointing at a dusty shoebox that sat under the bed and breaking you out of your spiralling thoughts.

“It also says ‘do not touch’.” You pointed out.

“Yeah well, I think I’d want me to know what’s in my own ‘do not touch’ box.” Raph grunted, sounding like his old sarcastic self again for just a moment.

You held your hands up and stepped aside, and Raph scooped up the box.

He took off the lid, and picked up one of the photos. “...Who’s Venus?” He said, holding up a photo of a little turtle in a red bow with the label ‘Venus De Milo’.

You frowned, staring at the photo in confusion. Judging by the line drawn over the word ‘Venus’, Raph clearly had not wanted you to know about it, but the name didn’t ring any bells. “Actually, I don’t know. I’ve never met a Venus. Maybe you guys had some long lost sister that no one told me about?”

“Seriously? What kinda soap opera bullshit would that be?” Raph snorted.

“I mean. It wouldn’t be the first time.” You shrugged.

“...Wait, really?”

“S’okay, we’ll ask Donnie.” You said. “Now…I’m pretty sure you’d want me to save your sketchbook and paints. Your canvases too, but we don’t have room for that.”

He swallowed, flipping through the sketchbook you’d handed him, tracing over the doodles on the cover. “Fuck. I…I don’t remember any of these.” He murmured, not even bothering to wipe the tears from under his mask.

“And I…I can’t find Chompy.” You whispered, rifling around his room a final time. “Shit. Shit shit shit. M-maybe he ran away…” You trailed off, wiping your face with your torn-up shirtsleeve.

“Chompy?”

You looked away from him. “Chompy Picasso. Alien turtle. Your son, basically...and I-I can’t fucking find him anywhere. Hopefully he got out before we came here, otherwise…” You swallowed a sob.

Raph stared at you, looking sick. “I had a son? But aren’t we…teenagers?” He said, his voice devoid of the raging grief he would have felt before, and replaced with a look of discomfort and horror at being a stranger to his own life.

“An adoptive son, practically, yeah. And you…you loved him so, so much…He was so fucking cute…” You cried, your voice cracking. “Shit, Raph. You don’t remember Chompy…”

“Shit.” He agreed, staring at the ground.

***

Donnie was stable now, opening and closing his new metal hands.

“How’s Raph?” They said. Their voice had taken on a metallic ring, though it still sounded like Donnie at its core.

“Brain damage. He’s got brain damage.” You answered, glancing over to the far side of the lab where Raph sat, flipping through his box of photos.

“What?!”

“He doesn’t remember anything. That’s why he's keeping his distance. Said it feels weird.”

“Memory loss.” Donnie said, and the creaking breathy sounds that followed could only be described as crying although his new metal face remained neutral.

You held out your arms and Donnie fell into them, shaking and sobbing but not really. They were so small now, which felt wrong, because Donnie had always been close to your height if not taller.

Well, it didn’t matter. This was Donnie now, and that stranger in the corner staring at the photos was Raph, and that haggard looking human in the mirror was you.

Day 0 of the apocalypse and you were already all falling apart at the seams.

Nice.

***

Day 1.

Raph forgot his own name for a few hours, and Donnie panicked. He’d say to you later that it was nice to know his circuitry was still capable of having a panic attack, but his voice would be hollow. Well, more so than it was already with that robotic tremor to his voice.

But at the moment, you were sitting with your arms around a trembling Metalhead who was actually Donatello, and making uncomfortable eye contact with Raph who sat across from you on the floor of the Shellraiser.

His bright green eyes were narrowed in frustration, and his plastron rose and fell quicker than usual. He was probably hyperventilating.

You kept your distance. When you’d tried to comfort him earlier, he’d tried to shank you with a piece of glass he’d found on the ground. You didn’t hold it against him, really- he’d yelled “Who the hell are you?! Stay back!” first, so you at least knew it wasn’t out of malice.

And it also meant that he was more damaged than you and Donnie had originally thought.

Probably permanently, Donnie had said through gasping breaths before he realized he didn’t actually need air anymore.

Fuck.

“I’m sorry, Raph.” You found yourself saying, because you were. It may have stung having him try to hurt you, but what stung more was the look of pure fear and confusion in his face.

He broke eye contact with you and dropped his face onto his knee pads again, slumping over in shame and sorrow.

“I’m sorry (Y/N), Donatello.” He replied, voice slightly muffled by his legs, which were pulled to his chest.

“Don’t be.” You muttered. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t mean to.”

Donnie nodded. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I should’ve treated you sooner, then you might’ve stood a chance-”

“Shut up Donatello. If you had done that then you woulda bled out and died and you are not allowed to fucking die on me, we clear?” You hissed, squeezing his metal shoulders.

“I did die, (Y/N).” Donnie said flatly, pointing at the bag that held their body.

“Shit.” You said, letting your gaze follow his finger as you let it finally sink in that yeah you were talking to Donnie, but also that was his fucking corpse in the back of the Shellraiser. “Shit shit shit. You’re still with us, but like…man this is fucked up, huh? You’re not dead, Don, you’re still you, but…”

“What if I’m not?! I’m a robot! Maybe the real Donatello is dead! What if I’m just a really good simulation?! What if I just think I’m panicking because it’s what Donatello would do?” He exclaimed, tugging on Metalhead’s antennae when he would usually tug on his mask tails.

“Well if it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure human emotions are a physical chemical reaction too. So one could argue that I’m just freaking out because the chemicals in my brain are reacting rather than me actually feeling things, right?” You offered.

“...I guess…Look I think I'm gonna go into sleep mode now, okay? It’s been a long day.” They sighed.

“Yeah, okay. See ya tomorrow, Don. Love you.” You said, patting his shoulder.

“Ditto.” They said, and then the lights went out in their eyes.

Raph sighed, staring at his sibling. “It feels weird being taller than them for some reason.” He grunted, breaking the silence.

“Oh, you remember that?” You said hopefully.

“Nah. I guess it just….feels weird. I dunno.”

“Well…Yeah it really does. Donnie always towered over you and Leo. Mikey hit a growth spurt like two years ago and wound up almost as tall, and you nearly cried at that...” You rambled, smiling.

“Oh. That explains it, I guess.” Raph snorted. “Was I…taller than Leo? Just out of curiosity, of course…” He added, looking hopeful.

“Nah. Leo’s 5’2ish. You are 5’1.”

“...Fuck.” Raph cursed. “That is unfair, y’know that?”

“You complained about it often.” You smiled. “It was kinda adorable.”

“Adorable?” Raph said, wrinkling his snout.

“Yeah. Ha. I uh….called you that a lot, guess it’s kinda a habit. Not because you’re short but because I thought you were cute. Uh…by which I mean good-looking, not cute like a kitten or something.” You said with a shrug. “Not that it really matters.”

“Oh. That’s cool then, I guess.” Raph said with a slight smile.

You smiled. “So I can keep callin’ you adorable?”

“Sure. Knock yourself out.”

You glanced out the window of the Shellraiser. It was still too bright out to travel safely to Casey’s apartment, with too many angry mindless mutants destroying everything in sight. You and Donnie had agreed to wait till the cover of night to head over there, in hopes that the new mutants would retain their usual sleep schedule.

“Damn. How long’ll this take?” You mumbled. It was six in the evening, but still bright as ever outside…

A pink thing slammed into the front camera, sending you falling back in shock.

Upon further inspection, it appeared to be a once-human that had been nearly swallowed by brainy, vein-covered tendrils. You choked back a gag.

Raph swallowed and clicked the camera off, looking greener than usual as the image faded.

“Ugh. Gross.” You whispered.

“So I’m assuming that things weren’t alway like this, right?” Raph said softly.

“Nope. You, my friend, would much prefer the Old World…” You paused, having a realization. “Shit. I bet that if this were a transcript, ‘Old World’ would be fucking capitalized.”

“So….there’s no way to undo whatever happened?”

“Nah. Dee’s run the numbers. The odds of the Earth bouncing back from this…are in the negatives.” You said, unable to summon anything other than an empty sigh.

“...What was your Earth like?” Raph asked, raising his brow ridge as he stared at you gently, as if you were some sorta fragile ceramic that could break at any minute.

Or as if you were a tearful human who’s world had just turned upside down.

You heaved a sigh, and sat down next to him on the floor.

“Well…there were trees yesterday. Green trees, not those crystal lookin’ things in Central Park that we saw this morning. And yesterday, this was New York, and it was full of people, not…those brain mutants and animal hybrids and…fuckin’ masses of organs suspended in jello. I dunno how far reaching the mutation bomb was, but Dee’s scanners have picked up on stuff as far as Florida to the south and Quebec to the north, and that’s not even counting the ones that went off on the West Coast and outside of America. Whatever it was that terraformed the Earth did a fucking good job.” You sighed, pulling your knees to your chest.

“So the old world really is the Old World.” Raph breathed.

“Yup. I…I don’t think we’ll ever get our homes back, Raphael.” You whispered.

Yesterday morning when you’d said something like that, Raph had pulled you into a wordless hug and you’d pressed your face into his chest and cried.

This evening as you sat on the floor crying, Raph stared at you sadly but kept his distance.

And you were reminded once again that you really were alone.

***

You: Casey we’re headed over

You: Read ya messages case

You: Dude seriously, are you guys okay?

Sent: 4hrs ago, unread

You: We’re here…

Sent: 1hr ago, unread

***

“Case’? Casey?” You yelled, wandering through his apartment. “April…”

“April! Casey!” Donnie yelled even louder than you. His face couldn’t emote, but his voice was high and desperate, and you were pretty sure they were twice as nervous as you were.

“He hasn’t replied to any messages since like three pm, and we’ve searched this dump for like an hour. I don’t think your friends are here, guys.” Raph sighed, crossing his arms.

“Shut up!” You and Donnie chorused, and Raph rolled his eyes.

“Fine, whatever! We’ll just stay here forever then I guess!” He snapped.

“Yeah well maybe we’re not being big babies, Raph! Don’t you care about finding Casey?!”

“I don’t know who the fuck Casey is!” Raph growled.

Donnie deflated. “...You’re right. I…I’m sorry, Raph. I forgot that you’re…y’know.”

“Brain damaged? Nice. Can’t fucking relate.” Raph grunted.

You exhaled through your nose. “Sorry Rafa. We’re just…we really wanted this lead…” Shit you were crying again.

“It’s just…I miss them so much. Casey and April mattered a lot to us, and to you, and we thought they’d….we thought they’d be here, but we’ve lost their signal and now I don’t fucking know what to do…” You whimpered, burying your face into your scarf.

Donnie tried to pat you on the shoulder but only succeeded in reaching to the small of your back.

“I miss them too. Well Raph…Casey and April…well, they mattered a ton to me and it just…is so scary to consider that they might…”

They didn’t finish the sentence, but you knew what they meant.

That they might be dead.

Raph stared at both of you with a grimace, seeming to pick up on the meaning too.

***

Day 15.

Raph stared at the photos a lot, not recognizing any of them.

Sometimes he woke up on the floor of the subway car that you, his supposed ‘best friend’, and Donnie, the robot who claimed to be his brother, had dubbed the ‘Shellraiser’. He’d sit there trying to remember where he was, only for him to slowly remember waking up in rubble to a wide pair of (E/C) eyes.

That was always what he remembered first.

Then he’d remember the smell of smoke and something he didn’t have a name for, and the feeling of someone hugging him close to their chest and whispering “It’s okay it’s okay-shit- Dee, he’s not waking up, he’s not- Oh my god Donnie, your- your plastron-”

He’d opened his eyes a crack to see humans mutating, screaming in horror, before someone shifted his head, and then all he could see was fabric.

Then he was on an unfamiliar couch with someone squeezing his hand. “Donnie…that’s a thing that’s possible?”

“No, but do I have any other option?!”

“...Shit Dee, you- you can’t die on me-”

“I won’t. I swear I won’t, (Y/N). If my theories are concrete, which they have an-” The voice paused to take a laboured breath. “-an 86.3% chance of being, then my consciousness will- shit that hurts- my consciousness will be uploaded into Metalhead…”

Raph didn’t remember how that conversation had ended, which he was very okay with.

Then after that the other things would begin to come back. Right. Right, he was Raphael, and these two people used to matter a lot to him in the Before Times, supposedly.

He didn't remember either of you, if he was honest. But if the notes on his Past Self’s photos were trustworthy, then you especially meant the world to him once.

He held up a photo of you in different, cleaner clothes. Your eyes were brighter, and you were grinning harder than you ever had now. The note on the back read ‘Reference photo 4 drawing (Y/N)’ in a messy script with a heart drawn next to it. Below it, in smudged print, it said ‘I feel creepy for staring at this for so long… Shit why did I write that down?’

He frowned and looked at another. This one was of a purple-ish pink turtle that gave the camera a wide smile, and the notation on the back said ‘Chompy I love you so fucking much but stop burning my paper please’

The next photo wasn’t a photo but a drawing. It was a rough sketch of a human hugging a baby turtle that was drawn in pink, with soft shading and a lot of smudges. The back of this one said ‘Shitty drawing of (Y/N) and Chompy. Felt bad throwing it away though for some reason, idk’

Raph wrinkled his snout. He disagreed with his Past Self, he thought the drawing looked kinda cute. Still, he’d respect Past Raph’s wishes and hide it away in the ‘Don’t Touch Box’.

He looked at the next picture. Venus again.

There were a lot of photos in the Don’t Touch Box of this ‘Venus De Milo’, and Raph hadn’t gotten any closer to an answer as to who she was. Heck, there were a few photos where she was completely crossed out with no further commentary. Not that it made much of a difference though, since the commentary that was there was ridiculously unhelpful. ‘Took another one of Sensei’s Venus photos. I wish he’d just let me burn all of them, but instead he just gave me this box and told me to hide them here instead of destroying all our childhood photos. Ugh. I hate them so much, obviously you know why, future me.’

No, I do not. Why are you so cryptic, Past Me?! Raph clicked in frustration, throwing the Venus photos back into the box.

“Lookin’ at Sensei’s old photos, Raph?” Said Donnie, making Raph jump back in surprise.

“Dammit, you’re awake?!”

“Yeah, just finished…charging.” Donnie sighed. “That still feels so weird to say.”

“Well, you’ve only been like this for…what, a week? Two?” Raph said dryly.

“...Yeah. I miss being…tall.” Donnie said softly. Raph got the vibe that they’d actually meant something else, but he didn’t feel like unpacking that right now.

“I miss you being tall.” Raph agreed. “Maybe that’s a good sign as far as memory stuff goes though.”

“...Hey, maybe it is, Raph! That’s actually really good!” Donnie said, their voice perking up while their face remained uncannily blank.

“...Cool.” Raph said. “...Hey, Donnie, who was Venus?”

Donnie jolted. “-Oh. Right. You found those pictures… I actually forgot about- well. Venus… You’re a transman, Raph, and Venus was your name back before you realized you were a boy.”

Raph frowned. “I’m a…what?”

“Well…when we were kids, Splinter named you Venus De Milo because you were physically a girl. Then when we were like thirteen or fourteen you told us that you actually were our brother, not our sister, so Sensei changed your name to Raphael.” Donnie said slowly.

Raph…did not like that information at all. “So…I’m not a boy?”

“No you are, it just took a bit of time for you to realize it.” Donnie shrugged.

“Good. I…do not like the name Venus.” Raph grunted.

“Yeah, when we were little you used to make us call you ‘Milo’ instead.” Donnie chuckled. “Splinter was so confused, but he just wanted you to be happy at the end of the day, really…”

Raph swallowed. “Uhh…Donatello, who’s…Splinter?”

Donnie’s neck sparked. “Right. Right right right…Raph, Splinter was our dad.”

“Oh.” He should know that. What kinda person didn’t even recognize their own father?!

Why couldn’t he remember the things that made Past Raph so happy?

Well he didn’t even remember that he was a fucking girl, so clearly he wasn’t the best judge-

“G’mornin’ guys” You yawned, leaning over the passenger’s seat where Raph had perched.

Raph shook his head clear and looked back at you. “Hi.”

“How’s the new body coming, Don?” You asked, stretching your arms.

“I’m almost done with the shell. I’ve made it segmented this time so that I can actually bend over, see?” They said, bending the large shell made of sewer plates.

“Oh. That’s really rad, Dee.” You said proudly.

“Yeah, I’m sick of being shorter than Raph.” He chuckled. “I can't wait to finish this model.”

“Wait, you’re making a new new body?” Raph frowned. “Did I know about that?”

“Yeah, I told you yesterday, you must have forgotten... S’okay though. Here’s the design, I made these blueprints months ago.”

“How come? What’s wrong with this robot?” Raph said, glancing over the taller, sleeker design sketch Donnie had handed him.

Donnie shrugged. “I guess…this is Metalhead’s body, not mine. And I want my body to feel like mine.” “Oh. Okay, fair enough I guess?” Raph shrugged, not sure how that made sense. Donnie was in the body, so that made it his right? Why’d they need a new one?

Whatever, Donnie could do what they wanted, he supposed.

“I think it looks great.” You smiled, though it didn’t reach your eyes the way it did in the Don’t Touch Box photos. “I love the purple LEDs.”

“Yeah, it looks nice.” Raph agreed. It really did; it was cleaner than Donnie’s current body, and seemingly more combat-effective if all the hidden blasters in the concept art were any clue. Plus it just looked cool as fuck.

“Thanks. It should be finished in a few weeks…in the meantime though, (Y/N), we should discuss plans.”

You nodded, following Donnie to the back of the Shellraiser.

“We should go on a supply run, we’re low on perishable food and water.” You said, writing ‘supply run’ on the whiteboard Donnie had set up in the back.

“Okay, noted. Do we have enough non-perishables?”

“Yeah. The drawers in the back are full of instant ramen and canned food.” You nodded.

“So just the usual things then…shelter. What’re we gonna do about shelter?”

“Yeah, I don’t really like it out here. Seems pretty sketchy.” Raph grunted, spinning around so that his plastron was pressed to the back of the chair and his head was rested on the top.

“I vote we go to the farmhouse. You’ve run your scans, and I think we just needa….you know, accept that everyone is…out of range of the scanners. We’re just sitting ducks in New York, Don.” You sighed.

Donnie clenched their fists. “I- I know, but like…what if they come back for us and we’re not here, (Y/N)? What if by leaving we forfeit our chances of finding Casey, April, Mikey, and Leo?”

“Well what if we do? Who cares?” Raph argued. “They either left or they’re dead, Donatello! We should leave too if we wanna not be dead!”

“Yeah well what do you know?! You don’t even know the extent of the damage!”

“Yeah I do. Explode-y bomb things from here to the other side of the planet. Earth getting terraformed in some twisted reflection of the world you knew before. Humans turning into horrifying brainless monsters, and humans that turn into horrified monstrous mutants, and humans like (Y/N) who survived with trauma and dead friends. And friends that lose their memories. Yadayada, all that shit.” Raph said through gritted teeth. “Plus, I saw you guys fighting off those mutants in the last supply run, you barely escaped with your fucking tail attached. Long story short, I vote we get outta here as soon as possible.”

You and Donnie looked at each other, blinking.

“I vote what he votes.” You supplied.

Donnie sighed. “You always did…fine. Fine, guys. You win. But can we please just stay for one more night?”

You shrugged. “Yeah, I think that seems fair. Raph?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Deal. We havta go on that supply run, anyways, so.”

“Cool cool. So…farmhouse then, Dee?” You said hesitantly, as if you were afraid of hurting Donnie.

Donnie just grunted. “I’m gonna go into sleep mode. You guys handle the supply run, I have to do some repairs from last time.”

“Well that wasn’t really an answer.” You said flatly as Donnie’s lights went out again.

“...No it was not.” Raph sighed.

***

“D’ya think I can pull off steel-toed boots?” You grinned, rapping your knuckles on the metal capped toes of a pair of leather combat boots.

“Well…it seems efficient, so yeah, why not.” Raph shrugged.

“Yeah, but would it look rad?” You pressed.

Raph nodded. “It would look badass.”

“Now that’s the answer I was lookin’ for.” You beamed, pulling on the boots.

“Do you think I’d look cool in that jacket?” Raph asked, reaching for an aviator jacket. It was useful, from a practical standpoint, with tons of pockets and the ability to hold in warmth, but he didn’t really want it if it didn’t make him look like the characters on the covers of the comics he’d managed to salvage.

“Raphael, you would look so cool in that jacket. You need it.” You nodded emphatically. “All we’d needa do is cut a hole for your shell.”

“...Oh yeah. Forgot about that part.” Raph sighed, wrinkling his snout in disdain. His shell was kinda inconvenient. But then again, it did function as a fantastic natural armor, so pros and cons. He tossed the jacket into the hijacked cart anyways.

You grabbed a tent from the shelf. “I think this’ll probably be useful down the line right?”

“Well…it’s free, so might as well.”

“Ooh, lookit this lifestraw!”

“What the hell is a lifestraw?”

“It filters water. Turns even the most contaminated junk into safely drinkable water. I’m surprised there’s even one left, this is gonna save our shells.”

“You don’t have a shell, (Y/N).”

“I’ve spent the past three years of my life surrounded almost entirely by people who do. Your jargon has worn off on me.”

“What the hell is jargon?”

“Your turtle-specific manner of speaking. Like swapping normal words for ‘shell’.”

“Shit, we did that?”

“Yeah. It was charming.”

***

“(Y/N), what’s ‘feminine hygiene’?” Raph frowned, peering down an aisle.

You glanced up, following his gaze. “Uh…y’know, girl stuff, don’t worry about it.”

“Donnie said I’m a ‘transman’, so maybe I should.” Raph mumbled, feeling ill at the thought.

You did a double take. “Wait what? Oh-kay, cool cool. Maybe you do need to worry about it.”

Raph grunted and crossed his arms. “I dunno why, but I get a very odd, very uncomfortable feeling when you say that.”

You swallowed, obvious nervousness in your eyes. “Well…that is fair. Raphael…allow me to remind you about the world of…feminine hygiene. Damn. I’m having to give my boyfriend- uh- my best friend- ‘the talk’, this feels weird!” You laughed. “Uh…so how do I put this. Once a month people with feminine body parts…bleed uncontrollably and you havta fix it with the stuff in this aisle! …Yayyyy!”

Raph suddenly got a very vivid memory of sitting on the couch of the lair with a hot pack on his plastron and an angry feeling in his head.

Shit, why was one of the few memories he had of the Old World one where he was bleeding in places he didn’t want to be?!

He groaned and facepalmed. “This is shit, you know that? My life is shit.”

“Periods ain’t fun.” You nodded. “I dunno if you turtles are affected the same way as humans though, so I could be totally wrong-”

“No, no, I remember now. It’s the same. Basically.” Raph said, blushing bright red and glaring at the ground. “Aaand I’m calling it on that conversation.” He finished.

You nodded. “I’ll allow it. Lemme know if you need any help figuring out what supplies you need-”

“-nO I’m good!” Raph exclaimed. “How about you just get- get some other supplies right now?!” He grinned, trying to mask the discomfort that rose the longer he stood in this stupid aisle.

You nodded. “Whatever makes you feel comfortable. I’ll be in the next aisle over, the first aid section, ‘kay?”

“Great.” Raph replied.

It was only after you’d left that he noticed that you’d called him your ‘boyfriend’ for a second there.

Well. Well that was an interesting development.

Raph hated not having his memories. He was 99% positive that Past Raph would know exactly what you meant by that, but presently? Raph was just so, so confused.

Maybe he had been your boyfriend in the Old World. If the photos counted for anything, Past Raph had probably liked you at some point- you showed up more often than anyone else, both in the photos and in his sketchbook. And he hadn’t even finished digging through them yet.

And now instead of having good ol’ Past Raph to comfort you, you got this Raph. The Raph who had forgotten his own name a few days ago, the Raph who didn’t really know what to do when you cried, the Raph who was so sick of not knowing…

Heck, he was pretty sure you had been avoiding touching him, which felt just as weird as being taller than Donnie. Even in the photos, you always seemed to have an arm around him or a hand in his, but now you were careful not to stray within a few feet of him. As if he was some kinda ticking time bomb.

Then again, he kinda was, huh? The last time you’d come near him, he’d tried to stab you in a panic. Maybe you were right to steer clear of him, though the thought of that just made him sad for some reason.

He paused and blinked at a mirror that sat at the end of the aisle.

Huh. That really was what he looked like, all green skin and torn mask tails and neon eyes.

He looked tired.

“Hey Rafa, lookit what I found!” You yelled, and Raph tore himself away from his reflection, dropping his armful of…feminine hygiene products into the cart before following your voice to the paint section.

“Look dude! Spray paint!” You grinned, bouncing on your feet.

Raph stared at you blankly, trying to understand your excitement. “Uh…did we…uhm…”

An image flashed through his head of holding a can of spray paint and stepping back to look at a mural.

“...OH! Oh right! I used to like spray painting!” He exclaimed, pleased at the memory. “(Y/N) I remember it!”

Your eyes widened. “You remember?! Oh Raph this is huge!”

“...What d’ya say to painting a final mural before we leave the city, for….I dunno, old time’s sake?” Raph said with a hesitant smile.

“Hell yeah!” You beamed, grabbing as many colors of spray paint as you could and dropping them into the cart. “Dee is in sleep mode so he can’t even stop us!”

“Yes, I can.”

You fell back and dropped your phone. Raph’s fists flew into a fighting stance, observing the phone nervously.

“Sorry ‘bout the scare guys.” Donnie’s voice chuckled, not sounding even slightly sorry. “I just discovered that I can access you through your phones! I’ll be back in sleep mode soon, I just thought that was a perfect time to test the audio feature.”

“Wait, you can hear our conversations?” You frowned.

“Uh….surprise?” Donnie said sheepishly. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t plan on stopping you from spray painting. It actually seems like it could both help Raph’s memory since it’s so familiar, as well as being just…a nice gesture. My one suggestion is that you add some way for Leo, Mikey, Casey, and April to find us, like a coded key to our whereabouts.”

“Oh. That’s smart.” You said. “But can we get back to how you’ve been eavesdropping this whole time Donald?!”

“Lalala, going into sleep mode, can’t hear you, lalala…” Donnie said, ever the terrible liar, and disconnected a second later.

“That little shit.” You said fondly. “If you’re still listening, I love you, Don, but you’re a total jerk.”

Raph shook his head, feeling the beginnings of a smile on his face. “If you’re still listening, then quit listening, Donatello.”

But no reply came from the phone, so you shrugged. “Guess he actually is back in sleep mode. C’mon, let’s paint a mural.”

***

Raph glared at the wall.

The spray paint had gathered into a messy blob of color that did not look like a mural.

The paint bottle felt natural in his hand, yeah, and his lines were steady, but they weren’t coming out right. He scowled and tried to cover the blob with a cloud of red, but then it didn’t look like a cloud, it just looked like blood.

“AUGUHH!” He yelled in frustration, kicking the wall. He jumped back to hold his foot, which was now throbbing in pain. Shit, why was that his instinct?!

“You good Raph?” You said, looking over from your side of the wall. Your mural looked nice, with a painting of two turtles, a skeleton, and a red haired girl with eyes that seemed to glow. They were all outlined in thick black and colored in vibrant shades, which made them pop against the gray wall.

“Fine…” He grumbled, rubbing his foot. “I just- I can’t draw or something.”

You followed his glare toward his bloody smear of a painting.

“Oh…did you…”

“Forget? Yeah. I fucking forgot how to draw.” He said with a humorless laugh.

“Do you…want a crash course? We’ve still got an hour or so before we have to head out…” You offered.

He shook his head. “No…we don’t have time. …Did you add the message?”

You nodded, still staring at him sympathetically. “I wrote ‘guys, find us in the healing place- Red, Purple, and (L/N)’. They’ll know what I mean.”

“The ‘healing place’?” Raph repeated.

“The farmhouse.” You elaborated. “We went there back when the kraang invaded three years ago. Leo was in a coma for like three months, and y’know…healed. And I think we all kinda healed too. You were kinda the team leader for a bit there…” You trailed off, eyes glazing over as if you were reminiscing about something Raph undoubtedly wouldn’t understand. You shook your head clear. “...but you know, I think they’ll get it. More importantly, I don’t think anyone else will, so we can’t be followed. Not that we have any reason to be followed, I’m just paranoid.”

“Aren’t we like…ninjas with like a million enemies or whatever?”

You snorted. “Kinda, yeah.”

“...So the idea that we might be followed doesn’t seem that outlandish, right?” Raph ventured.

“Hm. Thanks for justifying my paranoia, Raphael!” You exclaimed, not looking any happier.

“...Uh…I’m gonna say you’re welcome, but I get the funny feeling that you don’t actually mean that, huh?” He said sheepishly,

“No, I…I dunno.” You said with a humorless laugh. “I’m being weird.”

“It’s literally the end of your world. You should be acting weird, right?” Raph snorted.

You smiled half-heartedly. “Ya think?”

“Donnie’s acting weird, I’m acting weird. You can act weird too.” He said matter-of-factly.

You sighed. “But that’s just the thing. Donnie lost their body. You lost your past. What the hell did I lose? …You know, aside from my friends…and family…and my old life…but you guys lost that too!”

“I really didn’t. You can’t miss what you don't remember, right?” Raph said with a hollow laugh. “I have no Old World. No old connections. The world we’re in now is basically all I’ve ever known, so if anything, I’ve lost…the least.”

You stared at him, a discomforting sense of horror in your eyes. You raised your hands as if to set them on his shoulders, but then lowered them instead.

“Raph…Fuck. No! You’ve lost everything! Like, way more than I have! At least I still have good memories to go back to, o-of you, of Chompy, of Leo and Casey and Mikey and April…of Mona, Raph, I still have memories of Mona, and you don’t even have that…” You wiped your eyes with your scarf and shook your head. “Shit, man. We’re all going through hell, I shouldn’t bother comparing it.”

“Yeah….yeah. That’s a good way of lookin’ at it.” Raph sighed.

“...Who's Mona?” He asked lightly, after a beat of silence.

You smiled slightly. “Mona Lisa? She’s this really awesome Salamandrian who we met in space.”

“We went to space?!” Raph said, eyes widening.

“Yup. It was very convoluted… Anyways, we both had this ridiculous crush on her…she was so cool. She could beat us at fighting easily, but she also was so sweet…ahhh, what a woman.” You said, perking up a bit more. “Anyways, at least she’s safe…She’s in space.”

“What else have you guys not told me about my life?!” Raph exclaimed.

“I promise I’ll tell you everything once life has calmed down a bit, but there is some stuff that I genuinely believe is too much for you right now.” You shrugged.

“Well it’s my memories, so I don’t think that’s for you to decide.” Raph frowned.

You opened your mouth, glaring at him, before deflating. “...I…you’re right. It is your memories, Raph. You do deserve the truth. But the truth isn’t always easy or fun or any of that so can we make a compromise?”

He gestured for you to go ahead.

You squeezed your hands. “I’ll tell you what you need to know, and if you figure stuff out on your own- which is highly likely- I’ll give ya more details. Deal?” You held out your hand.

Raph sighed. This was probably the best he was gonna get from you.

…Also…what was with the hand?

Raph frowned, staring at your hand, and took it awkwardly. “Deal?”

You blinked.

He blinked.

“Raph why are you still holding my hand?” You coughed.

“Oh, was I supposed to-”

“-Let go, yeah, this is a handshake.”

“-Weird. You guys are weird.”

“You still haven’t let go?” You said, but you were smiling.

Would it be weird if he said he kinda didn’t wanna? Holding your hand felt nice…

“Uh- right.” He grunted, wrenching his hand out of yours.

***

Day 16.

“Well, I think we’re all set to go upstate.” Donnie said as he finished checking over the items Raph and you had taken.

“Cool.” You said softly.

You’d talked about going upstate for the past two weeks, but as Donnie closed the power-cell powered freezer box, it finally hit you that you were leaving.

Like leaving leaving.

It wasn’t like there was much of a choice. New York was dangerous, more now than before. You and Raph had even wound up in a mild tussle as you made your way back to the Shellraiser last night.

There were too many scared humans and animals that had gained sentience and horrifying mindless creatures that looked like body-horror inspired abominations to go anywhere without a fight. And frankly, none of you wanted to deal with that.

And it didn’t help that Donnie’s sensors weren’t picking up on any habitable land in the general radius. You were sure he wasn’t telling you everything, but he had mumbled something about the soil being full of toxic chemicals and unable to maintain life among…other things.

Essentially, New York City was dying. But maybe if you were all lucky, the farmhouse would be habitable.

By which you meant…with good soil. It’d be really really nice if you guys could just…plant seeds for food and hang out there for the rest of eternity. Nice, but unlikely, if you were realistic. Still. It was a spot of hope.

Raphael stared at you mournfully as you and Donnie finished preparing the Shellraiser. He did that a lot now, and it always stung about the same- he wanted to remember you, but to him, you were a stranger.

You hated feeling like a stranger around the person who’d been closer to you than anyone ever back in the Before Times.

Not that you’d told him much. You thought there was kinda a power imbalance now, since you knew so much about Raph and he now knew so little about you. He was vulnerable, and you, being one of the ones who had saved him, had a bit more sway over him than you felt comfortable with.

He was catching onto you though, you could see that. He’d understandably demanded answers last night, and although you’d agreed to his terms, you were dreading it. Because how could you tell him that he had been your boyfriend if he didn’t even know who you were? Worse, would he feel like he had to immediately go back to that just to make you feel better?

You’d described your relationship to him as ‘best friend’, which was more accurate, honestly, considering both you and Raph had been a bit odd around romance, but still. It would probably be more to take in than he could handle right now…

“So. We ready to get this tin can on the road?” You said finally, leaning over Donnie’s shoulder as they stepped away from the newly pumped tires.

“...I believe so.” Donnie said proudly, patting the side of the car.

And with that, you gave New York City one final good-bye.

“Seeya, New York…you were one hell of a town to live in. We….had a lotta fun here.” You said, leaning against the Shellraiser to stare at the cityscape.

“Goodbye pigeons and manholes and starless skies. I-I’ll miss you.” Donnie said fondly, leaning next to you.

“And I’ll miss pizza gyoza, my fire escape- heck, I’ll even miss Shredder’s lair and TCRI.” You grinned.

“What a town.” Donnie said, nodding.

"Hey guys, this is real sweet, but it’s getting dark.” Raph grunted, poking his head out the door. “Let’s get this freakshow on the road.”

“...Okay.” You said with a rueful smile.

“...Yeah, we’re coming.” Donnie sighed, and the two of you headed into the Shellraiser.

***

By the time the sun had set, you had left the city.

Raph sat in the passenger seat, eating dry pasta like a heathen, and Donnie sat in the roof hatch running his scanners. You weren’t exactly expecting that he’d find anything positive though.

As you silently drove up the road, you took note of a few things- first off, there were trees out here, at least. Dead trees, but still trees rather than alien shapes that had loomed over you in New York, which was some relief.

Secondly…there was no sign of life. The only noise you had heard since leaving New York was the quiet hum of the Shellraiser’s engine, punctuated by Raphael’s crunching on his fucking dry pasta. (Seriously, that stuff could not be good for his digestive system…)

Thirdly…your hopes of finding an oasis in all of this were running as dry as the land around you.

New York was dead, and Earth wasn’t following too far behind it.

Donnie clambored back down from the top lookout with a heavy sigh.

“So Doc, what’s the diagnosis?” You said dryly, no bothering to turn around. “Lemme guess- we’re doomed?”

“Well, my sensors have picked up nothing but toxic chemicals and mutagen. There's no living organic plant forms for miles. I’m not picking up on the signatures of Casey, April, Leo, Mikey, Karai, the Mutanimals, or the (L/N)s. I don’t think the Earth will ever heal from this, and our tech has been basically thrown back to the dark ages.” He paused to heave an even more dramatic sigh, before saying “So does that answer your question?” cheerfully.

You whistled. “Ouch. So we are doomed.”

Raph crunched on his pasta and glanced up. “Great. That’s….real great.”

“Raph, are you eating straight up uncooked tortellini?!” Donnie said, gagging.

Raph smirked and crunched louder, and you cringed at the sound.

“Ugh, must you do that?”

“It tastes good.” He said innocently.

“Well don’t come to me for help when you get a stomachache.” Donnie said, disgusted.

You snorted, and refocused on the road as Donnie continued to complain about Raph’s apoca-licious eating habits.

Because hey. Maybe you were just headed towards certain doom upstate. Maybe Raph would never remember the past. Maybe the fucking planet was mutated beyond recognition…But hey.

At least you were with your best friends.

Heck, if you ignored the metallic tremor in Donnie’s voice and made Raph’s ever so slightly gentler, you could pretend that this was just another peaceful road trip. Just another night of smiling at Dee and Rafa’s antics, of choosing to unsubtly egg them on, of talking till morning with Raph about shit like life and the future and insecurities, comforting each other in that sweet way the two of you always had.

Yeah, yeah. You’d pretend it was a night like that.

And for a bit, you’re nearly convinced that when you woke up tomorrow, everything would be alright.

***

Day 17.

Everything was not entirely alright.

The farmhouse was devoid of people, and was shrouded in suspiciously pink clouds that hung lower than clouds usually did. Donnie scanned the air though and only got the usual amount of toxic chemicals, so you guys reluctantly decided it was safe.

“Woah, looks like this place already got picked clean.” You winced, glancing around the main room. It was mostly empty- everything from the furniture to the photos on the wall had been taken.

The stairs however, had caved in, but with the help of your grappling hook, you made your way to the top without too much effort.

The top of the house, by comparison, was full of the homey clutter that you had grown to expect from the healing place. Just being there, surrounded by everyone’s old things and the memories around them, made you breathe a sigh of relief.

“Anything up there?” Donnie said from the ground level.

You smiled, breathing in the air of the place you’d briefly called home. “Everything, Don. Case’s spare eyeliner pens, Leo’s matcha powder, Raph’s forgotten sketchbooks and acrylics…everything.”

With a bit of effort due to Metalhead’s heavy clunky body, Donnie managed to heave themself upstairs too.

“Woah. Weird being back here.” He said, and you got the impression that he’d be smiling if they could.

“How’re ya doin’ down there, Raph?” You said, leaning over the stair rail to see him staring into the living room.

“I…we watched a dumb cartoon there, right? Uh…Chris Bradford the…Barbarian?” He breathed, as if speaking any louder would shatter his ability to remember.

You and Donnie glanced at each other, swapping a pair of grins. Well, metaphorically, in Dee’s case.

“Yeah. Crognard the Barbarian…” You smiled. “But we did watch another show about Chris Bradford!”

“Awesome, Raph!” Donnie said, pumping their fist.

“...Cool.” He said softly, putting his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “So…this is the safehouse, then?”

“Well, ‘safe’ is a strong word…there’s a heck of a lot of danger we got into here last time.” You said, sliding down the stair banister.

“Out here in the middle of nowhere?” Raph snorted, turning towards you. “How the hell was this dangerous?”

“You got mutated into a plant once,” Donnie supplied.

“Ooh, Bigfoot tried to marry Don,” You grinned.

“Who’s bigfoot?”

“This forest cryptid who had a crush on Donnie.” You said with a chuckle.

“(Y/N), please know that I would be rolling my eyes at you right now if I still had them.” Donnie sighed.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.” You said, giving them a mock-salute.

Raph entered the dining room. “Did anything terrifying happen here?” He said curiously.

“Hm…Oh yeah. We fought off mutant frogs.” You said, nodding at the memory. “They were all named after conquerors and they hated humans. …One of them talked like Napoleon Dynamite….not that you’d know that reference…”

“Ha, what?” Raph chuckled. “Our lives sound weird. What other things did we do?”

“Oh they very much were.” You nodded. “Let’s see…what other shit did we do? Uhm…there was this one time when you got your brain swapped with a kraang, that one was weird.”

“What exactly is a kraang? You’ve mentioned them before, but…”

“Oh, right. A kraang looks like- well, here.” You pulled up a photo of a snarling kraang that you’d taken a selfie with. “Voila.”

“Eww.” Raph cringed. “Why is it like…all goopy and gross?”

“Evolution, I guess.” You said, wrinkling your nose. “Gnarly, right?”

“So you’re tellin’ me I got my brain swapped with that thing?!” Raph said incredulously.

“Yup. It was pretty freaky seeing your body completely…not-like-you, but hey, we figured it out.” You chuckled.

“Hey Raph, you might wanna see this!” Donnie said, yelling over the stair rail.

“Uh, okay…” Raph frowned, heading towards the rope you’d hung over the caved-in stairwell. You followed after him.

“See, lookit this-”

“Hey, this- this is my room!” Raph exclaimed, shoving past Donnie and into the room. “I- I remember this place! I remember sitting there,” He said, pointing at the bed, “And coming this way-” He spun out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom- “And-....oh.” He frowned, opening the bathroom door. “I…I get the weird feeling that somethin’....happened here, huh?” He said softly.

You winced, reaching to put a hand on his shoulder, before thinking better of it. “Yeah. This is where Leo…was in his coma.”

“...You sat with him every day, Raph, ‘till he healed.” Donnie said gently.

Raph nodded. “Ha. I…ah…don’t remember that.”

“Well, you did remember your room, and a piece of your old daily routine, so I’d say this is a win! Robo-high-three!” Donnie said cheerfully, holding up their hand.

Raph wrinkled his snout “Uh…okay…” He held up his own hand, mirroring theirs, staring at them with an awkward shrug. “Hello, three? Uh…satisfied?”

Donnie lowered his hand. “...I shoulda seen that one coming.”

Raph rolled his eyes, shoving his hand back into his pocket. “Whatever, Don. What was it you called me up here for, anyways?”

“Your old sketchbook! I know you have the one from the lair, but this one is full of all the stuff you did here!” Donnie said excitedly, handing Raph the book.

Raph shrugged and accepted it, flipping through the pages. “Woah. These are pretty nice.” He said, starting to smile a bit.

“Ooh, can I see?” You asked hopefully.

“Sure.” Raph nodded, angling the book so you could see the art too.

This page was full of the planning-stage-sketches for what you recognized to be the painting he’d done on the party van.

“Oh dude, these rock.” You grinned.

“Yeah…I just hope I’ll be able to…y’know.” He clenched his hand, giving it a sad stare. “Do them again someday.”

***

Day 20.

“Well ladies and gentlefolk, turtles and others, I have gathered you all here today to present…The Donbot V.1!” Said Donnie, staring into the mirror.

It was a pretty nice design, if they did say so themself. It was taller than Metalhead’s model had been, standing at his usual height of 5 '6-to-5' 8-ish, and was made of a dark green steel he had salvaged back in the city. In a burst of inspiration, they had added purple accent lights.

For the first time in days, they didn’t feel so wrong about looking into the mirror. The face that stared back at him wasn’t his, really, but it was…closer. The blank face felt somehow more comfortable than Metalhead’s imitation-turtle one.

They shook their head, chuckling to themself slightly. If only he were presenting his invention to a crowd of scientifically minded peers instead of to his friend and his brother. Then he might prepare something flashy and exciting, presentation-wise.

But alas, it was the end of the world.

So instead, he simply glanced at themself one more time before leaving the bathroom, revealing his new body without any fanfare.

You patted his shell and said they looked ‘rad as hell’. Raph shot him a wary look, but it went away fast, and soon enough Raph was congratulating him too- albeit, with a bit of mild confusion.

Ironically, the brother that would have once understood better than anyone what it feels like to be in a body you don’t want….just happened to be the brother who had recently forgotten that he usually had dysphoria.

Donnie supposed that in a post apocalyptic world where gender was so irrelevant that Raph hadn’t even realized he was trans, it wouldn’t even occur to Raph to be dysphoric. (Hm. Maybe the end of the world had its good sides!)

But secretly, selfishly, a twisted part of Donnie wished that Raph was still in the state of mind to relate to them. It was unfair, and a cruel thing to wish on his brother. Logically, Donnie knew that. But maybe a part of them wanted to just…feel a little bit more understood. Less like an alien.

It wasn’t like he didn’t notice the way you and Raph flinched when he entered the room, looking at them like he was some- some thing. Some freak. Maybe a cruel voice in the pits of his now-wire-filled stomach whispered things about how much he wished Raph remembered how it felt, how much a part of him wished you had been mutated in the explosion so someone, anyone would understand the soul-crushing loneliness of not being in the right body-

Shit. That was dark. Maybe he was losing more of his humanity than he’d initially theorized-

Donnie swallowed their thoughts and opened the fridge, only to close it again upon remembering that he was physically incapable of eating,

***

Day 21.

“AAAAUGHH!” Raph screamed, dropping to his knees on the dead grass. He threw his arms around his stomach- something in his guts felt like something had crawled in there and died and oh shit was this that girl thing?

“Raph! Are you okay?!” Said Donnie, dropping his bo staff and rushing over.

“Ow- ow- shit- Donatello, I-I gotta take a -oh- a -ow- a break from practicin’.” Raph grunted, using Donnie’s arm to pull himself up.

Time to go fucking deal with this now, he supposed. Just what his stupid life needed right now.

***

Day 24.

“AAAAIIIEEE!” Raph screeched, chucking the stupid fucking salad prongs across the room.

“Raph! Dude!” You snapped. “Look, I know you’re frustrated but ya can’t expect to get it right the first time!”

“Well it’s NOT my first time using sais, is it? Aren’t I supposed to have some kinda muscle memory or whatever?!” He snapped back.

“Raph, bud, bear with me- you lost your memory, hon’.” You sighed. “You gotta be patient with yourself.”

“Maybe my self needs to hurry up already.” Raph said, crossing his arms.

See, it would be one thing if he’d entirely forgotten how to use his sais. But the thing was- he did remember. He remembered the feeling of their leather, he remembered spinning them and smirking at himself in the bathroom mirror, he remembered holding them in his fists and destroying things and how satisfying it was- but he couldn’t do those things anymore.

It was just as fucking pointless to try as drawing had been.

Shit, there were tears in his eyes.

“You okay, Rafa?” You said gently, doing that annoying thing you did where you reached for him. He always let himself hope that you would actually follow through with it this time…he wasn’t sure why, exactly, but it always felt like a stab to his metaphorical heart everytime you lowered your hand instead of patting him on the shoulder or squeezing his hand or giving him a hug or anything oh good lord he’d take anything- You lowered your hand again, and yet again he felt something shatter in his chest. (Why did he still bother to hope? He’d just thrown his sais in anger. Of course you were nervous around him.)

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever, (Y/N). I’m fine.”

“...Okay…well…I’m here to talk if you need me, y’know?” You said, smiling softly.

“I don’t wanna talk.” He grumbled. I want a hug, I want warmth, I want someone to say everything is gonna be okay-

You nodded, staring at him sadly. “...Okay.”

You left the makeshift dojo, leaving him alone with the blank walls of what had once been a living room.

Raph wiped his eyes and glared at your retreating figure, half-aware that his anger was misplaced. It wasn’t like you’d done anything other than be understanding and supportive…but still.

***

Day 25.

“BACK OFF!” Raph yelled, glaring at the robot.

“Raph, it’s okay, it’s me, your brother! Donatello!”

Raph had brothers?

…No, that didn’t sound right- this robot was probably here to hurt him- a vague memory of fighting a similar robot flashed through his mind, reaffirming his certainty that this thing was bad and dangerous and wanted to hurt him-

He bit back a whimper as the robot got closer, instead snarling as viciously as he could. “Get away from me ya fucking toaster.”

The robot stepped back.

Huh. The…robot stepped back…?

The robot in his memory shifted into a turtle with a worried look on his face and a gap in their teeth and a purple mask.

Donatello.

Oh…right. This was Donatello. His brother. He was at the farmhouse with you and Donatello….Donatello who was a robot now.

“Shit.” Raph mumbled, staring at the robot that was Donatello. “I…I did it again, huh?”

“RAPH! DEE! Jeez, are you guys okay?! I heard yellin’ and-'' You said, slamming the door open. The kitchen door. Raph was in the kitchen. The farmhouse kitchen.

“Just…another incident. Don’t worry about it.” Raph muttered sullenly, wiping the spit off his mouth that he must’ve gotten from all the animalistic hissing.

“Ah.” You said. “Are you both…okay then?”

Donnie nodded wordlessly, ducking out of the room with his head down and shoulders slumped.

Raph scowled, hugging his knees to his chest. “Same as I usually am, I guess.”

“So…not great?” You frowned.

“Not great.” He confirmed.

“Ah.” You leaned forwards hesitantly, hand outstretched.

This time Raph didn’t even flinch when you inevitably lowered it and followed Donatello out of the room. He just shoved his face into his kneepads and tried really hard not to cry.

***

Donnie slipped outside, staring out at the wasteland that used to be a forest.

Raph had forgotten him again.

Honestly, they didn’t know why it hurt so much. It wasn’t the first or even the second or third time Raph had forgotten him…but Raph went into the feral mode around Donnie way more than he did around you.

And logically, Donnie knew exactly why that was. You looked the same as you always did, albeit more battered and less smiley, while he, Donnie, looked entirely different. He was entirely different.

His sensors picked you up behind him on the porch.

“Hey.” They said glumly.

“Hey Dee.” You said, sitting on the porch steps next to him.

“I don’t think the world will ever heal again, (Y/N).” Donnie said softly.

Your eyes grew glossy (although maybe they already had been), and you looked away from them. “...I know.”

“I miss everyone so much.” He whispered.

“Me too.”

“Casey and I first became friends in that barn…April kissed me by the stump…” He said, trailing off. He put a hand on his face, remembering where Casey had first kissed him. That had also been at the farmhouse…

God, they missed Casey and April.

You nodded. “Me and Raph once buried a dead turtle over there…it used to be the prettiest part of the yard.” You said bitterly, pointing towards the spot where the pond had been just a month ago. Now it was reduced to another patch of dry, dying grass.

“So it was a turtle? I thought you guys killed someone.” Donnie said, only half joking- They remembered vaguely how he’d walked in on Leo lecturing a guilty-looking you and Raph on ‘honorability’ one morning. They’d glanced outside to see a suspicious grave outside that hadn’t been there the night before, and put two and two together…nice to know that it was just an unmutated turtle.

“Yeah…Raph thought it was like, a blow to his masculinity or something to tell you guys that he cared about animals.” You said with a snort.

“Well that’s stupid, we all know he loved animals. He was like a Disney princess around them.” Donnie said, shaking their head.

“Yeah…very true.” You smiled.

“What do you plan on doing about your whole….thing with Raph, anyways?” They said, changing the subject in hopes of distracting their thoughts from existential dread.

You sighed, running a hand down your face. “Fuck, man. I don’t know. Like…I love him so much, but it’s not fair for me to right now. He’s vulnerable and scared and doesn’t even know who we are half the time…how can I put the pressure of a relationship, or even the implications of a past relationship, on him right now? That’s just…so unfair. Plus, we’re the only people he has right now. What if he thinks not liking me will mean us…like, kicking him out or something fucked up like that? What if he tries to force himself to feel the same just out of guilt? What if-”

“Well first off, overthinking things? That’s my job, stay outta my turf.” Donnie teased. You smiled slightly. “Secondly- who says you have to tell him? Because you really don’t.”

“Well, he’s not dumb, Don- he’s figured out that I’m hiding something.” You said dryly.

“Are you though? Because I’m pretty sure you’ve been fairly honest about things- he’s your best friend. He always was. Just say ‘yeah we were like close or something’, you know? It’s not like you guys ever kissed or anything, at least not much, so it’s not much of a stretch.” Donnie suggested.

You nodded. “Yeah…I guess you’re right…who knew you were so good with relationship advice?”

“Nah, I just know you and Raph pretty well.” He chuckled.

You smiled, putting an arm around his shoulders in a side hug. “Thanks Don.”

“Hey, thanks for distracting me from my existential dread.” They snorted, hugging you back.

***

Day 35.

“What if I can’t feel feelings?” Said Donnie, lying awake next to you.

“Hnnghh…Go to sleep Donnie.” You grunted, pulling your blanket tighter around your shoulders. It may have been more secure and safe to have all three of you stationed in the Shellraiser rather than the house, but man, between Raph’s snoring and Donnie’s shitty sleep schedule that you knew full well he had programmed himself to have, it certainly made sleeping hard.

“But what if this is all a dream! What if I died and this is a severely messed up dream I’m having in my last few minutes of life?”

“Shut up Donatello.” Raph groaned, trying to muffle Don’s voice with a blanket.

“What if I'm in a coma and I’m dreaming this and the Earth is actually fine?”

“Go to sleep, broooo…” You moaned, covering your ears with a pillow.

“I don’t usually go into sleep mode for another…mmm…two hours.” Donnie said. “Damn…sleep mode! (Y/N), I’m not a person anymore, am I?!”

“Donatello. Buddy. Pal. I love you dearly. You are a beautiful, fantastic, brilliant person. Let me fucking sleep.” You hissed.

“...Mmm…Okay. G’night.” There was a click, and Don-bot powered down.

“Oh thank god.” Raph grunted, shoving his face into his pillow.

He proceeded to snore incredibly loudly.

You groaned.

***

You blinked your eye open at the sudden silence.

Raph had somehow wound up with his arms tightly wrapped around your arm in his sleep. He was shivering, which made sense considering the cold.

You were tempted to pry him off so that he wouldn’t be awkward or uncomfortable when he woke up. But he looked so peaceful, and you missed this…

Plus you were too tired to do anything. So maybe you’d let him stay…

You’d pry him off before morning though.

***

Day 37.

Raph was pretty sure that Past Raph had had the hots for you. He’d finished reading through his old sketchbook, and it was full of little paragraphs in the margins and crossed out text where he could just barely make out the word ‘(Y/N)’.

He supposed it made sense. He may not have remembered too much of his life, but he had a decent recollection of what pretty people looked like- and you definitely fit that category. Plus, you were funny and cool and sweet….not that it mattered much nowadays.

After all, Past Raph and Current Raph’s circumstances were vastly different. So maybe a part of him was tempted to bug you for more info…but he knew enough to just let it be.

That was the Old World.

In the New World, trivial things like relationship status mattered very little.

(Still, was it really asking so much to have someone who’d hug him? Was he so wrong to wish for a hand on the shoulder once or twice, the way you always were in those goddamned photos?)

(Meh, probably.)

He hugged himself, staring up at the ceiling.

“Oh hey, you’re awake!” You grinned, poking your head into the Shellraiser. “Mornin’ Sleeping Beauty! Breakfast is inside if you want it.”

Raph sat up slowly. “Okay…”

“How’re you doing?” You said as you led him across the yard. It was still cold and dark out, and Raph shivered.

“...Tired.” He grunted.

“Understandable.” You nodded. “I’ve been pretty tired too, but it’s so hard to sleep when it’s so freakin’ cold at night and like, a million degrees the instant the sun rises.” You complained, passing him a plate of eggs from the remaining unmutated chickens.

“Says you, the one who's warm-blooded.” Raph teased.

“Oh shit, you must be so cold at night!” You said, seeming to have just remembered that Raph was a reptile.

“Freezing.” Raph nodded.

“Maybe Don can build a heat lamp!” You suggested. “They’re still in sleep mode right now, but we can ask when he wakes up.”

Raph perked up. “Wait, that exists?”

“Yeah, shit- I can’t believe I didn’t think of that like…forever ago. I guess I forgot that you’re cold-blooded…and now that Donnie is…non-blooded, it must’ve slipped their mind too…I’m so sorry Rafa!” You exclaimed.

“Wait. So this WHOLE TIME I could’ve NOT frozen my tail off every night?!” Raph groaned.

You shrugged weakly. “...Yup.

“This is so stupid.” He sighed, stabbing his eggs with one of his sais.

“Dude…you're using that as a fork?” You cringed.

Raph scowled. “Well it’s not like I know how to use it as a weapon anymore.”

“But…but…Raph you have stabbed through people with those! There is no way that that’s even slightly sanitary!” You squeaked.

He shrugged and ate his breakfast off the end of the sai.

You looked ill. “You are… such a teenage boy. Please stop.”

He sighed but swapped the sai for a fork. “Okay, okay. Jeez.”

“Thank you.” You groaned, patting his shoulder unconsciously.

And suddenly it felt like his brain had short circuited.

Oh god, he remembered you.

How could he have ever forgotten you?! All the memories shot into his brain at record speed- sitting on a fire escape with your arm around his shoulders, spray painting the side of TCRI, making fun of Casey and Donnie’s crushes on April, beating up bad guys, the look on your face- that toothy grin that you never ever wore theses days, a familiar hand resting comfortingly on his shoulder- and oh god, he remembered you!

“I- I…(F/C)!” He gasped. You jerked your hand away guiltily, but he caught it before you could. “(Y/N). Your favorite color is (F/C)!”

“W-what?” You said, eyes wide.

“(Y/N) I remember! I-I remember you! Not everything probably, but- but I remember you!” He exclaimed, gripping your hands in his.

Your eyes widened even further. “Raph, you- what?!”

He grinned and hugged you to his chest as tightly as he could. Tentatively, you relaxed into it, rubbing his shell gently.

“I remember you!” He exclaimed.

You nodded, still looking baffled. “Like…what?”

“I remember how we met- I fell onto your fire escape! A-and I remember eating breakfast here with you and talking about…well, something, probably, but it was definitely here at this table! And I remember…I had this pet turtle, right? I think his name was…Slash? No! Spike! Slash was the mutant…? Whatever! I remember you sitting….uh…there, by that broken window, and I drew this picture!” He grinned, holding up a page in his sketchbook. It was a portrait of you, with soft shading and a bold outline.

“Woah, Raph?! You just- remember all this?!” You said, still staring in disbelief.

“Bits and pieces, yeah- I think it was ‘cause you…you know, touched me. It’s like…muscle memory? I dunno. Might hafta ask Donnie…”

“Raph!” You grinned, hugging him tightly. “I just- wow! This is so cool, I-”

“Woah, are we interrupting somethin’?” Said a familiar voice.

You and Raph jolted into defensive positions, hopping up to face the person-

And then your brain seemed to short-circuit.

“Casey?” You squeaked. “CASEY!”

“(Y/N)! RAPH! Dude I can’t believe we finally found you!” Casey shrieked just as loud, diving in to grab you and Raph in a messy group hug.

You grinned, hugging your friends close. “Casey Jones, I’m so glad you’re okay- fuck man, I thought you must’ve gotten kraang-ifed…”

Raph pulled away, staring at Casey. “You’re…the skeleton dude- Casey Jones?”

“Uh, no duh- who else would I be?! Casey Jones is in the flesh babeeyy!” He grinned, pumping his fist.

“Raph…uh…hit his head in the mutagen bomb, Case’.” You mumbled, and Casey’s grinning facade shattered.

“Oh. Shit.” He said, staring at Raph. “Do you remember…like…anything?”

Raph shrugged dejectedly. “...Some of it. I remember…you and I would spray paint, I think? I remember a lotta (Y/N) apparently…I’ve got some vague recollections of Donatello, mostly their nerd-stuff…”

“Jeez man. That’s…depressing as fuck.” Casey said, blunt as he’d always been.

“Yeah.” Raph grunted.

“So…is it just you?” You asked, fearing the worst.

“Naw, I just found you guys first.” Casey smiled. “Red n’ Angel are searching upstairs…but I hear them coming down right….now.” He said, nodding right as the sound of two people tripping and falling off the treacherous stair-rope Donnie had installed.

“Oooh.” You and Casey winced.

“How ‘bout you? Any sign of the others? …Where’s Donnie?” Casey’s voice lowered for the latter, in an anxious tremor.

“Dee’s….fine. They just…look different than they did last time…you saw them. And…they’re pretty insecure about it.” You mumbled.

“Casey! Casey, we found evidence of someone upstairs- (Y/N)?! Raph!” April said, running into the kitchen as she noticed you. “You guys are here!”

“C’mon O’Neil, rule one of bein’ a ninja is ‘Don’t ever question the vague instructions you get from graffiti’. Didja ever doubt it?” You teased, grinning.

“I-I was so worried, guys! I thought that since my psychic powers stopped working-”

“Woah, how’d that happen?”

“Too many big auras now. They’re impossible to tell apart…trying just gives me a headache.” April explained. “But I thought it meant that you might’ve been dead…” She whispered, and Casey put an arm around her shoulders.

“Woah. So this is your turtle, Case’?” Said a new voice, and a teenage cat mutant leaned into the kitchen. “Hi.”

Raph only grunted in response, and the cat mutant that must’ve been Angel nodded. “Fair.”

“So where is Dee then?” Casey said.

“Shellraiser. In…uh…sleep mode.” You said. “I’ll go get him…but would you guys mind…shit this sounds wimpy. But could you guys…come with me?” You muttered. A part of you was 100% convinced that the instant you left them they would all fade away.

But Casey, who would usually make fun of you for such a childish request, slung his other arm around your shoulders- and you realized he probably felt exactly the same.

“Sure thing.” He said, smiling softly.

“Thanks guys.” You beamed.

You were finally smiling the way you did in the photographs.

Raph couldn’t help but smile too.

***

When Donnie woke up from sleep mode on Day 37 of the Mutant Apocalypse, he was greeted by four familiar faces- two of which were the only faces he’d seen at all in the past month, and two of whom were what convinced him that they were probably somehow dreaming.

But they were a robot, and dreaming wasn’t physically possible anymore.

So that meant this must, somehow, be real.

“Hey Donnie.” Said April, smiling at him, and he wanted to cry even though he didn’t have eyes.

“‘Sup Don.” Said Casey, grinning his gap-toothed grin that looked so much like Donnie’s old one.

“You’re here.” Donnie whispered, feeling his new antennae shoot up. “Holy chalupa you’re HERE?!”

You smiled, helping him up. “Hey Dee, I forgot to tell ya- we’ve got company.”

Donnie stared at the humans. They were here. He had so many questions, but most importantly-

“D’you guys like the new look?” He chuckled, only half joking.

Casey shrugged. “It’s different, but it looks metal as fuck.”

“Yeah that’s ‘cause it is metal, ya meathead.” Said Raph, smiling.

“It looks so cool Dee.” April said, smiling warmly.

Donnie really really wished they could still emote right about now, because the dopey grin that they would have grinned for that was unreal.

***

Day 40.

You and Raph lay on the roof of the farmhouse, watching the red sun set, leaving the sky that weird glowing purple color that it had begun to adopt.

(It really did remind you of some of those old Space Heroes episodes.)

“I really miss the stars.” You said lightly. “But I guess this is sorta pretty too, huh? In like…a weird way.”

“Hey, isn’t that true for all of this shit?” Raph said. “I really miss the stuff in those photos, those glimpses I get of the life we had before…but hey. In a weird…sort of fucked up way…this life is kinda nice too. Don’t get me wrong. It’s really frustrating, I hate my brain most of the time, and I’m like 90% convinced that I’ll never really be the same person…but at least I’m not alone in it, y’know?” He sighed.

You took his hand, squeezing it gently, and he squeezed back, and continued. “I’ve got you and Donnie. I guess now I’ve got Casey, Angel, and April too, and if they survived, who's to say my brothers didn’t?”

You nodded. “Yeah…I guess if we’re out here on this road to nowhere, there’s no one who I’d rather have on my side.” You chuckled half-heartedly. “Still sucks though.”

“Yeah, it really does.” Raph agreed.

You smiled and pulled him into a side hug, suddenly swallowed by bittersweet nostalgia for those days when the biggest threat was Shredder.

But hey, Raph had a point.

At least the outcome, well perhaps a huge downgrade from the breathtaking beauty of the stars, was still sorta pretty.

At least you were on the road to nowhere together.

***

Author's note: I am so glad that Mutant Apocalypse was made into an AU. If it had wound up as the canon ending, that would be...messed up, man. But I like it as an AU, and I hope you've enjoyed journeying through it with me- it's a sad sad ride, but boy did I have fun writing it.

#tmnt x reader #tmnt 2012 x reader #reader insert #gender neutral reader #gn!reader #tmnt raph x reader #tmnt 2012 raph x reader #raph x reader #tmnt 2012 raph #2k12 raph x reader #2k12 raph #mutant apocalypse #tmnt apocalypse au #trans raph

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eriexplosion · 3 months

Text

TIME TO MEET UP WITH LIZARD WIFE.

The fact that Crosshair's wrist is apparently even remotely near a small girls wrist size is hilarious to me. Eat more you skinny creature your limbs are only slightly bigger than a child's. He does say it's not an exact fit but. Close enough to work.

Wrecker doing Gonky lifts in the background is wholesome.

"The Jedi who are all dead?" is still the most 0-100 response, good job on your immediate escalation Tech. He's correct but damn.

LIZARD WIFE LIZARD WIFE

Anyway in case it wasn't clear I am extremely Pro-Cid. I love her even though she has committed crimes and betrayals. She looked really sad while doing it you see.

Tech's COMPLETE distaste for this place is hilarious. MAYBE he was ARRESTED for VIOLATING COUNTLESS HEALTH CODE REGULATIONS. It doesn't look that bad but he is Offended.

Love Omega just instantly tuning into the fact that Cid is engaged in the ancient art of 'straight up lying' while in the background everyone else discusses what their next move is if this isn't Cid's place like they didn't just walk under a big glowing sign that says "Cid's"

God bless them all

Deadly looking Crossbow: Exists

Omega: This is? for me to touch?

Nice foreshadowing to her actually getting a hold of a bow though.

I just love Cid's office full of concerning objects like said Crossbow, a mounted clone trooper helmet, and what looks distressingly like a wookiee pelt on the back of the chair. If Cid can do one thing it's design an office.

Echo is so deeply horrified by the concept of becoming a mercenary. They really were setting up the split early, it was obvious from the start that Echo wasn't going to run with this forever. It goes against everything they ARE.

Wrecker and Omega when Cid calls her the brains of the operation LOL. I love them.

Cid I love u but don't be mean to Wrecker in particular he's an angel and we're glad he's here.

The 'what's a slave trader' conversation is minorly annoying still because 'people can be sold' Omega let me tell you a story about THE ENTIRE BASIS OF THE KAMINOAN ECONOMY. Through Echo's whole explanation I'm sitting here going YOU. THAT IS YOU. YOU ARE THE PROPERTY THAT WAS BOUGHT AND SOLD AND NO ONE IS MENTIONING IT. There are points where it feels like they're just straight up not allowed to imply that while the Empire was WORSE for clones, the Republic was also very bad.

Another great moment though that shows how much Echo already doesn't fit this is when Tech helpfully fills in AS WELL AS EARN A DECENT AMOUNT OF CREDITS ONCE THE JOB IS COMPLETE and Echo sounds so damn downtrodden saying 'yeah, that too' they want to be doing good things for the sake of it not worrying about if it's going to get them paid. Tech meanwhile seems more like. You do a good thing (rescue a child) AND you get a good thing in return (the ability to eat regularly) what's there to be upset about?

Old Ord Mantell is goregoussssss

Hunter like 'I'm going to do a good job of parenting and make Omega stay with the ship' and then NOTHING HAPPENS AS PLANNED.

Truly insane that Echo was assigned to be the eyes in the sky, Echo you have one arm go climb that building right now, do it. I know they're used to having Crosshair to do this but surely secondary duty should fall on ANYONE BUT THE ONE WHO DOESN'T HAVE TWO HANDS.

Echo should by all accounts be severely injured from that fall, almost like people in Star Wars don't take fall damage.

Yes I'm going to be thinking about Tech through every one of these so SUE ME. IF THEY DIDN'T WANT ME THINKING ABOUT IT THEY SHOULD STOP SHOWING ME HIM FALLING.

Anyway after the fiasco in Cut & Run and this it is clear that losing Crosshair dramatically decreased the batch's fighting ability, almost like the family needs to be complete to truly thrive.

"I have my BEST PEOPLE (some guys and a child I met five minutes ago) ON IT"

Every food in TBB is simply some form of cylinder.

Something so sweetly domestic about Omega and Gonky on the ship she's just chilling with the family doggo who is actually a half charged brick of a droid.

Also to be fair to Omega. This time she TRIED to just stay on the ship like she was told.

I love when my faves are endangered so the entire batch being captured by slave traders is like catnip to me. Would watch a whole arc about this, I want them constantly getting hurt to protect each other please. My favorite narrative.

Once again Tech is the one to spot Omega clearly he should have been sent up the tower to be the eye in the sky.

Hunter trying to convince her NOT TO COME RESCUE THEM by insistingly shaking his head. You should already know that won't do ANYTHING Hunter.

This guys design and menacing demeanor go so hard for NO reason he's in it for like two and a half minutes tops.

Also regarding this scene, Echo going with 'the Republic outlawed slavery' is some real 'what do you mean you're being murdered that's illegal they can't do that' energy.

Leading Omega along where she needs to go via loud boasting is a great idea though.

"If you do not comply, the person next to you will pay the price" is a TERRIFYING LINE and it is happening ENTIRELY offscreen and I only know he says it because of the subtitles. More peril please.

MUCHI. GREAT HOW NOTHING BAD HAPPENS TO HER IN THE ORIGINAL TRILOGY RIGHT :'D

Still one of the more attractive things Hunter's ever done and I wish we could see his face for it, you know the stare is INTENSE.

Love Wrecker's tiny thumbs up

The moment of sending Muchi off is cute, GREAT HOW NOTHING BAD HAPPENS TO MUCHI R I G H T

The last bit with Cid <3 my girl I just love a crime grandma okay, I love her. She had no reason to make life that difficult for them she just did it Because. Something is wrong with her <3

#the bad batch rewatch

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calamitydaze · 2 years

Note

I’m like just now sorta getting caught up and you don’t have to post this I don’t want it getting drug up and people coming at you but thank you for posting your post about the techno and dream thing! I’m kinda inbetween because on one hand I understand how bad it can seem for him to be doing that but on the other he’s mourning a friend with a friends family and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that and especially finding out he’s been staying there makes me feel less weird or bad about him doing it and everything and puts it much more into a perspective of despite everything going on he was still technos friend and technos family obviously wanted him there and it just makes me feel less bad about not outright like yelling and feeling like he’s such a gross person doing stuff for damage control

I feel the same about him supposedly responding to Tommy’s DM’s about lore as well like sure it might look kinda bad but what’s he supposed to do let his personal stuff keep Tommy from being able to finish lore? And I mean sure the argument could be made Tommy could try to find a way to do the lore without him but we all know Tommy wouldn’t want that unless it absolutely has to be that way

Anyways once again you’re basically putting my feelings into proper words and everything and I just appreciate it like I’m still on aspects sorting my own feelings but it’s very helpful when I ljke know my feelings but can’t like properly word them to see them or see very like similar like feelings to mine written out-PBA

hey pba!! god every time i think about the stream situation yesterday i see RED lmfao— and the thing is, i don’t even blame anyone for assuming it was a damage control video at first, i did too! i was like 🫤 well that’s telling. but i figured my opinion could change depending on context so u know what i did instead of running my mouth making inflammatory statements on tumblr…. i waited and watched the stream. and would you look at that— it was live and happened at the wish of techno’s dad because they had been talking the previous night and wanted to celebrate his memory with everyone. crazy to me that people were actually calling him spineless for not saying “hey can we not raise money for your son right now because the internet is mad at me”

so while i don’t blame people for their kneejerk reaction, i absolutely blame them for the way they acted about it … if that makes sense. i’m gonna steal what i said on priv but it really showed how feeling personally betrayed rots your brain and makes you take everything in bad faith (he allegedly exchanged nudes with a fan = he’d take advantage of the passing of a genuine friend?) and also was just insanely disrespectful to techno’s memory (by caring more about hating a guy then honoring him) and the agency of techno’s dad (who definitely knows about the allegations) over his son’s legacy. and of course there was zero self reflection afterwards but i guess i’m not surprised lol

#absolutely none of this is directed at you btw pba 😭 sorry for getting so heated #this just. well. it gets under my skin. if you couldn’t tell #bella answers #pba #dream.situation

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angeloconnor · 2 years

Photo

Angel + some of her favorite songs

1. Novacane by Frank Ocean

But girl I can't feel my face What are we smokin' anyway? She said don't let the high go to waste But can you taste a little taste Novacane, baby, baby

2. Doctor, My Eyes by Khamari

Most of the time I feel too much So I try not to feel at all Staring at the ceiling, I Staring at the writing on the wall Is there some type of Is there some type of pill I could take That would make it all go away?

Doctor, would you give me something? Would you, would you? Doc, I'm only 20 something Would you, would you? I'm way too young to feel this numb

3. Static by Steve Lacy

Baby, you got somethin' in your nose Sniffin' that K, did you feel the hole? Hope you find peace for yourself New boyfriend ain't gon' fill the void Do you even really like this track? Take away the drugs, would you feel the noise? More and more you try to run away

4. Me and the Birds by Duster

All the pill connoisseurs and the secret saboteurs Got the fever for surveillance and the night life

5. Thursday Girl by Mitski

It shows me what I am I'm not happy or sad, just up or down And always badTell me no Tell me no Tell me no Tell me no Somebody please tell me no

6. Crack Baby by Mitski

Crack baby you don't know what you want But you know that you had it once And you know that you want it back Crack baby you don't know what you want But you know that you're needing it And you know that you need it bad With wild horses running through your hollow bones Wild horses running through your hollow bones

7. If It Makes You Happy by Michael Cera Palin

Well okay, I still get stoned I'm not the kind of girl you'd bring home If it makes you happy It can't be that bad If it makes you happy Then why the hell are you so sad?

8. That Funny Feeling by Phoebe Bridgers

Total disassociation, fully out of your mind Googling "derealization," hating what you find That unapparent summer air in early fall The quiet comprehending of the ending of it all There it is again That funny feeling That funny feeling

9. I Wanna C U by Blood Orange

I see you runnin' out the window Brain is runnin' like it's hidin' from the night Think of somethin', I'm feelin' real (I think it) Brain is runnin' like it's runnin' from the night

10. I’m a Tangerine by Tommy James & The Shondrells

Hello banana, I am a tangerine Is it a dream? Oh, no! I don't think so, but My head is spinning, I am a carousel Don't-cha hear the bells ringin' in my ear? And I haven't any troubles Cause the friendly, friendly bubbles wash them away

11. Analog 2 by Odd Future, Tyler, The Creator, Frank Ocean, Syd

Bitches think I'm crazy, but I'm normal I just come off as a psycho maniac when I'm performin' That's an act so I won't bore you to death, 'cause I adore you

12. Candy Says by The Velvet Underground

Candy says (Candy says) I've come to hate my body And all that it requires in this world

13. Humpty by Mitski

I broke what you gave me But you kept giving more And I'm sorry for taking But I keep wanting more, more, more, oh All the eggshells are on the ground And I try, I'm trying to pick them up But they crack and crumble, it's all too much Too frail for me to touch

14. Bad Habits by FIDLAR

Well they say I gotta habit That I'm just a drug addict And I'll never be nothing more Well they can just have it I don't care if I'm damaged Honestly, I just think I'm bored

15. A Burning Hill by Mitski

And I've been a forest fire I am a forest fire And I am the fire and I am the forest And I am a witness watching it I stand in a valley watching it

16. Good News by Mac Miller

A lot of things I regret but I just say I forget Why can't it just be easy? Why does everybody need me to stay? Oh, I hate the feeling When you're high but you're underneath the ceiling

17. It’s So Nice to Get Stoned by Ted Lucas

It is so nice to get stoned And take a load off of my weary mind It is so nice to get stoned And never ever come down It is so nice to lay down And watch the clouds drifting so lazily It is so nice to lay down And never ever come down

#bsco.task002 #tw: smoking #tw: addiction #tw: drugs #jams

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thesunandmoons-blog · 2 years

Text

rain, rain, go away.

a/n: hiiii!! i am so happy to be writing more- especially when i super get in the mood to. i think this is way better than my last fic, but the ending is probably gonna need some revisions lolz. anyway, pls enjoy and don’t forget my reqs are always open. pls request from me because i am very motivated to write rn!! i wrote this in like, maybe 40 minutes :’) also ty @cottagecorexboy for letting me use their idea of gavin calling fl ‘bunny’ it is so fucking cute

This is set pre-inversion.

cw/tw : mentions of the Kody situation, hurt/comfort

Word count : 1,448

Fandom : Redacted ASMR

Pair : Gavin / Freelancer

if u wanna read on ao3

It had been a dark night in Dahlia. The skies were painted a heavy gray through the daytime, a light sprinkling of rain while the Freelancer walked through the D.A.M.N. campus. Their eyes teetered up towards the sky, widening just the slightest bit with a short, quiet gasp. They’d always loved the rain- it was so calming to them.

Until him.

Kody ruined the rain. He ruined something that made them happy, something that used to make them smile. Now they just frown. Freelancer was lost in their thoughts entirely, having stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to watch the rain slowly drizzle down on top of them.

“...lancer.”

Their brain was fuzzy with thoughts of Kody. What he did, who he is, what he said, all of it. It made their face slightly contort, eyebrows furrowing in the middle.

“...lancer! Freelancer!” Their eyes were now very wide, a small gasp leaving their mouth as they looked at whoever just put their hands on their shoulders. It was just Damien. They are okay. Freelancer tried to shrug his hands off of their shoulders, letting a small smirk and chuckle bubble from their lips. “Sorry, Damien, just got lost in my thoughts.” That seemed pretty normal for them at this point.

Damien let out a small huff, removing his hands from the Freelancer’s shoulders. “You just stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. I didn’t know if you saw something or not.” He turned his attention back ahead of them, shaking his head. “Anyway, this is where we split. I’ve gotta get over to the honor’s campus for some extra practice. I’ll see you later.”

Freelancer looked at the fire elemental, nodding with a small smile. Their eyes turned back to the chipped concrete beneath their feet, making sure to pick up their pace as they walked back to their apartment from campus. It wasn’t soon after they started walking that they thought they could hear someone.

“Oh little rain cloud…” They looked around, stopping momentarily. Freelancer shook their head, knowing Kody wasn’t there, and they were just hearing things. Even though they managed to convince themselves it was in their head, their pace quickened back home.

By the time Freelancer arrived home, the rain was pouring down into the streets. The dark weather was so thick you could barely see 10 feet ahead of you, making the tripping hazards of the damaged streets and sidewalks that much more of a risk. With a sigh, they unlocked and opened their front door, tossing their keys in the little bowl that sat on the small table near the door. They kicked off their now soaked shoes, trying to shake the water that had accumulated in their hair before walking through to their bedroom.

Even though the Freelancer made it to their bedroom to grab dry clothes, they couldn’t help but sit next to the patio door that was in their bedroom, watching the rain. They wish they could love the rain again. It was hard being afraid of the rain- being afraid of him.

The sound of a rift opening in their living room was not something that scared them or shocked them anymore, only made them curious as to who was visiting. Usually Freelancer would ask, “Who is it?” with the reply of whoever it was at the time. Unfortunately, that was not the case today. They were too entranced with the rain to hear the quick pitter patters of Caelum’s feet running across their apartment flooring, stopping in the doorway to see the soaked Freelancer leaned up against the glass door, looking solemn.

“Hi Freelancer!!” Caelum plastered his big smile back on his face, now seeing his favorite person. He bounced over to them, wrapping his arms around their wet figure. “You’re so wet- and cold! Do you need a blanket? Or a towel? I can get something for you! You might get sick if you stay all wet and cold like that! I mean, at least I think you might get sick, and I wouldn’t want you to get sick because that would be bad! That’s why I think you should have a towel or a blanket so you can stay warm because the rain outside is only making it colder and…”

Caelum’s chatter continued on as the Freelancer buzzed out of focus. Their mind was blank and fuzzy, only seeing the rain and how hard it was pouring down from the clouds. They glanced over back at him, refocusing into the conversation. “...and if you stay wet like that you might get a super bad cold and that might be super bad, especially because you have school and I want to still see you even if you’re sick but I don’t know if Gavin would let me but-” Freelancer interrupted Caelum. “Hey, buddy, I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about it.” They forced a small smile to their lips, but Caelum could feel a knot tightening inside of them. There were a few knots tightening, actually. “I’ll be right back, Caelum, okay?”

Before he could respond, Freelancer stood up, pushing open the glass door to the patio, which was almost flooded with water. They stepped outside, shutting the door behind them to keep the floors inside- and Caelum- from getting soaked. They leaned up against the patio rail, looking up at the rain as it piled down on top of them. If they weren’t wet before, they were definitely sopping wet now.

Caelum didn’t know what to do. The longer they stood out there, the more chance of them getting sick and the tighter the knots got, so he called the one person he knew could help him fix this-

“Gavin!!!” Caelum’s arms immediately wrapped around the waist of the incubus, large grin gracing his lips. “Hey buddy.” Gavin smiled, one hand wrapped around the empathy daemon and the other ruffling his hair a bit. Caelum didn’t even need to explain the situation more than he already had for Gavin to understand what was wrong.

Gavin let Caelum know he could go visit another charge if he needed to, that he would have this one covered for now, and if he needed anything he would let Caelum know. To that, Caelum bounced up and down, very excited to go see another charge of his who could never mind a visit.

The incubus has his hand on the door but decided to rift outside to the Freelancer to avoid any water getting on the floors of their apartment. Freelancer didn’t even glance over, just kept staring at the sky. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” The Freelancer almost laughed at their own statement, looking down and shaking their head as their eyes began to sting. “I’m so stupid for being afraid of it…. So stupid.” Their bottom lip shook as they looked back up at the sky, when they suddenly felt a hand on their lower back.

The Freelancer glanced over to Gavin, seeing a smile gracing his lips now. “Would you care to dance with me?” He was completely soaked, head to toe. And what was with this random question? Freelancer quirked their head to the side a bit, not being able to help a few tears now rolling down their cheeks. It’s not like they could tell though- the rain coated their face too. “I didn’t think my question would bare repeating, but- would you care to dance, bunny?” Gavin leaned his face in just a tad closer, brushing his nose up against the Freelancers’.

“We aren’t going to let him take this away from you, bunny. You always loved the rain, Freelancer- take it back from him. You owe him nothing.” There was a bit of bite in Gavin’s words, but never directed towards the Freelancer. With a quick kiss to Gavin’s lips, they nodded slowly, turning to face him fully with one hand on his shoulder and the other clasping his. One of Gavin’s hands was clasping the Freelancers’ while the other was placed on their lower back still. The two of them pressed their bodies close together, noses still touching as a quiet laugh slowly bubbled from the Freelancer’s throat.

The two of them danced for an amount of time that didn’t matter. Neither of them could remember, and neither of them really cared. The rain slowing down is what brought Freelancer out of their slow dancing trance with Gavin, seeing that the rain was no longer a heavy downpour, but a slow drizzle.

“Gav, can we go inside? I’m getting kind of cold.” He nodded his head, quickly, giving the Freelancer a kiss on their lips that was soft but held all of the love in the world.

#redacted asmr #redacted asmr fanfic #redacted gavin #redacted freelancer #they dance so sweet #now kith #i love them

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scary-senpai · 1 year

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For the fanfic ask game...I can't actually decide. XD How about any two of your choice?

Ahh! Thank you so much bestie <3 I really appreciate you dropping an ask. I did not get to this on Tuesday because brain melt (!), but seeing you in my notifications made me smile <3<4

You also get a third bonus question because You Are Great.

(link to fanfic ask game is here--feel free to drop a note! asks are my love language)

C: What character do you identify with most?

Garou. I've always gravitated towards overtly angry, troublesome male characters and I've recently come to suspect it has something to do with gender: growing up, I felt a lot of anger/frustration/confusion over my identity (not my gender identity, necessarily, but more like How to Human as an Autistic person). To navigate this, I over-corrected by confirming to whatever my idea of femininity was, in the worst possible way. (I guess I would say I'm a cis-female but I've never really cared that much).

Since I spent a lot of my adolescence trying to make myself smaller and weaker (because that's how I thought girls/women were supposed to be), I suspect if I had been AMAB I would have focused on becoming bigger and stronger.

In any case, I understand the quiet desperation of exercising until you pass out because of that lingering sensation of not-enoughness.

I also talked a bit about spending seven years with a toxic mentor that was frustratingly competent about a bunch of stuff (but just... horribly misguided when it came to personal relationships), and when I use one of the techniques he taught me (whatever Fist of Flowing Water Crushed Rock is, but for emotions), I inevitably flash back to that scene with Garou and the Tank-Top Gang ("I hate using this because it reminds me of him--").

Anyway, after that I left that job I went to touch grass/do something completely different (work in a yoga studio) because I just needed to... scrub toilets and fold a bunch of towels and untangle all the things I'd learned that were (in a sense) true, versus the concepts I wanted to embody and believe in and manifest. Additionally, my experience working there also informs some of the scenes I write with Garou in the dojo (mostly him griping about how nobody seems to take chores as seriously as he does, or how he keeps finding other people's underwear in weird places with literally no logical explanation for why that might be).

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

A thousand times, possibly a billion.

Just kidding, but it feels like too many. (The first chapter of Collateral Damage took me like eight months...I probably should have put it on ice for a bit, honestly)

Fic was my way of learning to write again, and I've never written any longform fiction, so multi-chapter fic in particular have been an experiment in how my brain works, and the tools I need to efficiently craft a story. If there are multiple layers to a scene, I don't always have the mental processing power to work out each aspect at once (what the character's say vs. what they mean, what they do / how they do it / what this indicates about them, plus any undercurrents of narrative tension or symbolism or whatever). So that's been a whole thing. I think I'm getting better at it, though. Flumptober Sexy Chess scene had a lot going on (and completely derailed all my deadlines), but knowing that I can labor on a beloved chapter for weeks instead of months was... a milestone, honestly.

"Kill your darlings before they kill you" is my new mantra, and unfortunately I had to learn that the hard way.

U: Share three of your favourite fic writers and why you like them so much.

@beileil, you're one of my favorite authors because of the way you blend so many things: humor, plot (specifically mystery), characterization and lovely prose. Even in an AU, the characters are very much themselves but they're also new and unique. One of my bad writing habits is that I will sometimes skip over description if it doesn't really speak to me, but with your stories I hang on every word--I remember reading the Hero Detective Agency and feeling completely emerged in that universe from the beginning.

@sharuruwrites, I think you are excellent at putting characters in Situations. I like how you manage to zoom in on some of the grittier aspects of characters (like how bloodthirsty Toji and Sukuna can be, or how Gojo is So Very Immature and Extra) and, without glossing them over, somehow make these traits more endearing (or at least understandable/relatable). I feel like every scene and small detail moves towards some sort of purpose, and if I blink, I'll miss something.

I guess my third favorite fic writer is my brother. I wonder if he remembers that we used to write silly stories about Mario sometimes (I was 12 or 13 which means he was 9 or 10, so I was probably typing while he was dictating). I am both insatiably curious and afraid to ask. In any case, he's still a hilarious storytelling and I hope to write more (original) things with him some day.

#ask game #asks #my writing #garou #splendiferous mutuals

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didiwaffles · 2 years

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since ur lonely (as per ur tumblr ask button, which i will assume means send whatever passes thru my mind) and i keep having the worst thoughts ever disguised as mastermindful ideas, how about:

the thrilling sequel to kiana and senti time travel adventures no one asked for: previous era shenanigans

(im still elysian realm babey chapter 1 and im only now unlocking more. stuff so like. mobius saying that herrschers to keep their own mind is unheard of... ehehe >:) free real estate in terms of ideas

senti with limited background knowledge cause girl forgot to download the memories before she unsubscribed to the fu hua newsletter: "uh oh" kiana: what uh oh. why did you say that senti: as previous era carole liked to say, bestie we're in trouble

(well, at least i like to think Carole talked like it was 2022)

sure sounds like a great place to be when you're a herrscher TM and you're not supposed to be there </3 oops

(i will elaborate more if u want me to but i also dont know that much just yet which is what i think makes these more fun without context)

anyway um thanks for listening to my rambles i hope im not being too annoying?! (if its any consolation, i ALSO yell out these ideas to at least 2 other people on discord, but my brain goes "wait but my tumblr scrunkly i somehow gained is being left out of the convo :(" so, here i am)

goodbye see you at the next honkai brainrot (and subsequential felis death denial)

Omg yes senti impact brainrot in my inbox <3

Yes, pretty much none of the PE Herrschers had anything human in them, and the only one who showed a soft side was PE Himeko and even then it was a trap and it damaged everyone involved heavily.

So yeah hard to say how CE Herrschers would behave if they were to be tped to PE. But to be honest, we don't know how they work even in CE. Back in her days Sirin was straight up connected to the Will of Honkai, she talked to it, and it even protected her from Hua (in case you haven't read the manga). Are Herrschers like Mei and Senti also connected to it? Or it deems them all traitors like it said about Welt? Will the Will of Honkai of PE be aware of where CE Herrschers came from? Will it try to subdue them? Or just kill? So many questions, so little answers! Endless possibilities!

Ok but if you ask me, I think Will of Honkai must consider Senti to be its finest creation. Like, it found a perfect body (in all senses), filled it with Honkai and made the two perfectly compatible. Not everything went right, but I don't think the Will would just give up on Senti like that.

Even if she's without Hua's body I think she'd be the perfect canvas for Honkai, and it won't pass a chance to use her, especially in PE. Which would make things so interesting!

Also, you don't need to be in denial if you just resurrect everyone. And also shove a self-insert OC in. Just because I can. Who's gonna stop me? They're all too weak!! Muahahahaha!!!!!!!!

#or rather shove everyone into my OC's universe #that's just how my brainrot goes #you don't think I have nothing to elaborate with do you?#also I have discord too you can add me there if you want!#tumblr skrunkly ehehehe #ask #emypony

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pussyfootmaneuver · 1 year

Note

6 and 7!!! i want hot takes if u got em :)

6. Which saga is your favorite?

oh god, having actual opinions on things. this is tough... the saiyan saga is super nostalgic and very interesting to look back on as this Moment where DBZ defined its own identity at a time before that identity got like, repetitive or way over the top. but the namek saga IS that toppest peak of insanity brought to its natural conclusion, with the following androids/cell saga being kinda like. not bad but weird, pacing wise, when you think about how natural the progression from raditz to frieza went.... i've never even SEEN the majin buu saga but the fact that ssj3 goku is there makes it the greatest of all time AND BUU TOO i like buu :) weird creature. the tournament of power was cool and enjoyable to watch and i liked all the characters that were designed who we'll never ever see ever again.

the best super dragonball heroes manga is the first one, demon realm mission, that tells the story of how xeno trunks and the time patrol came to be- it was NOT adapted into a full little anime arc which is BULLSHIT considering it's the greatest one and crucial background info for the entire concept... i love it and the characters it introduces so much. WAIT I FORGOT ABOUT GT the baby saga is so interesting and expansive and huge in my mind and ssj4 is awesome so there. those are some of my favorites

7. Which saga is your least favorite?

resurrection F did more damage to dragonball than literally any other super media. it embodies the absolute nosedive of derivative pandersome (not a word?) rubbish that the series shoveled out in lieu of doing anything more interesting. bringing frieza back like that was comparable to like, the 4d movie where broly shows up to kill goku and now he's GOD BROLY so you can take him seriously as a threat at this point, it's the same thing. super saiyan blue has grown on me bc it's so stupid but scrapping super saiyan god immediately was a bad move too. everything abt that arc is totally limp and purposeless. super was at its strongest when exploring new universes and their fighters, and at its weakest when bringing back stuff from Z like frieza or future trunks (altho i do like what zamasu has going on, it's just why did you have to lean on future trunks for this ? marketing)

ig my controversial thoughts on the android/cell saga make it the lowpoint of z for me?? but it has its own swagger that i can appreciate... i'm only just reading the original manga so maybe i'll come to appreciate it more. it'd also probably feel bigger if like, the majin buu saga didn't kinda shit all over the stuff it changed about the series LOL super 17 is an incredibly weird part of GT that could easily be cut all together without losing much. i appreciate the androids getting some screen time and emotions and stuff but it's so out of the blue. the worst super dragonball heroes arc is-- and im very sorry to a very special friend for saying it, but it's prison planet. literally just have a grudge with it bc it's where the ""anime"" starts and i got so tired trying to watch it at various points before reading the manga... it's been too long honestly i should reread it, i'm sure the manga version is better and more fun than i remember, i just have the anime version stuck in my brain. cumber is awesome and his power cannot be contained and all but we get More cumber later anyway, along with his whole gang... like tch... cmon

#blog mission #ty!

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misqnon · 22 days

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HI im the anon who sent in that ask about one piece the other day and!!! AGHH. im too shy and socially anxious to send a message so sorry for communicating through asks but !!

THANK UU for responding to me !! it makes me so happy when people seem excited to talk to me, and i love hearing about peoples interests, so. i was very happy reading ur reply!!!! also this is probably an even longer message 😭 i cant help it i love to ramble

my history with one piece is long and complicated LMAO so i wont rant about it, but i started watching anime when i was 7 and one piece caught my attention when i was 10 i think, so ive had a lot of time to experience it tbh. but i was never that into it until i read the manga!! if im recommending one piece, i usually recommend the manga because its so much easier to get through imo.

honestly now that im caught up im like.. so afraid for the end of one piece. i never want it to end. i keep hearing that this is the final saga, and that one piece is ending soon, and my brain just. cannot comprehend it. i dont know if its just denial or what but i fully believe it won't end for another 5 years.. i havent experienced enough of the one piece world!!! i need more!! tell me everything about everyone in one piece PLEASE . it cant end . and those thoughts have been plaguing my mind since i restarted it LOL

looking at old forums to see peoples opinions from when each chapter dropped is genius??? i might have to do that.. i want to see their theories. i want to say "you have no idea whats in store...." or admire how smart they are for guessing things correctly

i find it funny that u like sanji cuz i have such complicated feelings around him. like he was my absolute favorite upon first introduction. i loved his kindness, i loved his interactions with gin, and i thought he was cool as hell. he was definitely a positive role model for my very damaged child brain. but i think the pervert joke and him treating women differently has pretty much ruined him for me. when i was younger a part of me felt like it was only right that he treat women better, but im pretty sure i just felt that way bc i hated the experience of being born female so much that the only way i could cope was by taking every and any advantage i could get. and then i figured out i was non binary.. and hes been turned into the most cartoonishly disgusting pervert .. and i see his potential and it just.. UGH!! you could have been so good. anyways all my feelings around him make it a lot more interesting to see u talk about him!! usually i just headcanon him as transfem and that satiates my burning rage and hatred towards him. but seeing sanji likers talk about liking sanji makes me actually like sanji more!! at this rate i might turn back into a sanji fan

im not in any one piece fan spaces but i AM consuming one piece content as often as possible (so all day. i dont have. a job. or school.). i know this is most likely a passing hyperfixation for me but im loving it anyways. i will definitely keep an eye on ur blog bc im sooo excited for when u catch up. im having so much fun theorizing about the end of the story and . and i hope u will too!! eek rant over thanks for listening (metaphorically)

HI ANON!! once again putting this under cut bc i will once again be freely speaking my way too many thoughts about the silly pirate manga. (fair warning. this. this is 2K words. anon im.....so sorry)

you don't have to worry about communicating through asks btw i literally do not care do whatever makes u comfortable my dude <3 and 1. thank YOU for sending a message :^) 2. i am loving the joyous atmosphere we have created ranting at each other back and forth HAHAHA it makes me happy to talk about interests like this as well!! (looks at length of my last reply and this one) clearly. we can think of this as like. electronic pen pals 👍bc i do be basically writing letters here LMAO

yea as u can tell its a little complicated for me too lmao ( i mean. the damn thing has been going on longer than i've been alive, so. it's touched many people in many ways. and it's complicated in its OWN right which. i'll get to. but holy shit 7 is younger than i expected! thats still a pretty long history (though i cant talk bc at age 4 i had a crush on goku even tho i had no idea what was happening half the time i was watching the dbz reruns on tv </3) and YEA. YEA THE MANGA IS. SO MUCH MORE STREAMLINED AND WELL PACED. EVEN THO I MISS THE COLOR AND MOVEMENT AND VOICE ACTING OF THE ANIME it was just takin too long. and i really like oda's art, so...reading the manga lets me look at it better. and there's more care put into the frames. but overall ur right the manga is chefs kiss in comparison to other versions (WHICH ARENT BAD!! JUST...SLOW. and though i think the live action wasnt really NEEDED i did. like it. and it is what got me back into op + got me caught up through east blue a lot faster HAHA)

tbh hearing that its in its last saga made me feel like i got into one piece at a really good time bc if i plan it right i can catch up and then follow along with the release for only a little while until its done. also the live action s2 and the "The One Piece" reanimated anime will be coming soon too. the content saturation is everywhere 👍(showering in it) THOUGH I DO FEEL A BIT PRESSURED LIKE. WHAT IF ONE PIECE FINISHES BEFORE I CATCH UP . which is insane bc im almost to wano (even though i hear wano is really long). and also...i think its been called the final "saga" but idk if that means final ARC you know...kinda like how water 7 and enies lobby kinda blend into one. or impel down and marineford are lumped together. idk i feel like we got a bit more. i just feel like there's so much we havent got answered yet and i dont think oda would just leave that stuff hanging. i know there;s a list out there of things that one piece needs to adress/come back to before it finishes but i havent looked at it bc im afraid of spoilers. however, just in my own mind theres a LOT i know has to happen that we need plenty of time for!! so. i wouldnt be surprised if it WAS 5 more years. i mean like...shanks needs to happen. i think zoro and sanji are gonna have a battle at some point (based on stuff ive seen from wano. im assuming) they gotta see laboon again. gotta revisit shirahoshi's situation. gotta see the dreams come true of each crewmate. tie off loose ends of side characters like tashigi and koby and the warlords. yanno

the "you have no idea what's in store.." is literally my exact emotions . i havent done it for this fandom YET but i plan to go to forums reading over ppl's theories like this

slash seeing how they react and getting giddy about it bc i like seeing how people react to shit. esp if they're shocked or enthusiastic about it like i usually am

about sanji. okay. listen. listen here. i. hate sanji. JNFNVFKDNL

no but actually no matter how complicated someone's feelings are towards sanji i promise you for sanji likers they are probably 100x more complicated unless they're weird dudebros who think he's cool (which he is but only like 10% of the time and not when he's being a chauvinistic ass)

one thing about me is that i. hate doing things that are distasteful or offensive in any capacity and that extends to the media i consume in that i dont like consuming media that is excessively problematic. i understand nuance so like OBVIOUSLY nothing is perfect and everything has problematic elements - but for a lot of shows there's one too many things on one side of the scale and i just dont like having that guilt on my shoulders consuming it. one piece fits that category but it's also SO BIG and SO LONG and its been going on for a WHILE and is such a phenomenon that i can let SOME stuff "slide"...and also realize "bitch one piece is so popular and near its end at this point that you, a single tumblr user, liking it or not liking it is not going to make a difference" and i'm (still) trying to make peace with that. things like oda's passive racism, The Entirety of Kamabakka Kingdom (literally don't even get me started), his blatant sexism in universe and his own opinions in the SBS...i've just come to realize i need to consume my media critically but still let myself have fun. im going through a rough period in life and this happens to be what my brain hyperfixated on and i cant change that so might as well have this outlet. ive made a lot of friends and am really enjoying the story for its good parts (found family, anti government and anti authoritarianism, importance of dreams and ambition and self love, the importance of mental health and trauma and how your past doesnt define you...etc)

i extend a lot of this thinking to sanji, too. to be fair i dont remember why he became my favorite. i think he was my fav when i watched it all those years ago but he wasnt a BIG FAV or anything. watching film red and the opla i think i went into it remembering he was my fav and he just stayed that way, but then i watched more and really started to like him for reasons like 1. im weak to flirtatious characters in general 2. im also weak to blonde men 😔 3. he's an asshole with a kind heart and i love a good juxtaposition 4. he just has some really cool badass moments tbh 5. and he's a LOT. i love characters that are a lot. he's loud and messy and overreactive and prissy and insecure and self sacrificing and also just SECRETLY ONE OF THE KINDEST MOST COMPASSIONATE MEMBERS OF THE CREW? notice how none of these have to do with his pervert shtick lmao

i do actually like his woman thing to an extent, i think its cute when its just him having heart eyes at every woman he sees and being weak to literally any woman who looks at him- cause that's still putting women on a pedestal, but its a fairly harmless character flaw for a fictional character to have. pre-timeskip sanji is a gift for all these reasons. and like, thats when everyone fell in love w his character i think. i MIGHT even forgive his whole "i wont hit a woman" thing bc its not like he doesnt think women shouldnt be hit in general to such an extent (i dont think he ever opposes to anyone else doing it on the crew, HE just doesnt like doing it PERSONALLY bc its his own moral principle he wont break just like the whole wont fight with his hands thing) even if the whole thing stems from the sexist belief women are lesser/weaker (esp after his backstory reveals some stuff)

but the pervert shtick? and the WRITING HIM AS TRANSPHOBIC/HOMOPHOBIC THING?? yea i literally hate that part of his character so much and wish it wasnt added. like i see how it relates to the character oda has decided sanji is but i still dont think it was needed. or okay. lol. i dont think any sanji fan actually likes this part of him. somedays i look at myself in the mirror and i'm like "am i fangirling over a more conventionally attractive bnha mineta rn" and i put on my clown makeup

but he's more than that. for all the reasons i listed above. and the BIGGEST thing that keeps me sane as a Sanji Liker (tm) is the fact that i 100% see half of his shitty character traits as something that are a product of Oda, the author, influencing his own work. im not gonna lie that canonly he still gave sanji those traits so yea like as a trans (? still working on that) GNC bisexual woman my favorite character atm is this weird little guy who's kinda chauvinistic and also canonly a homophobe (...at least, to an extent, bc apparently he has a really good relationship with iva? again, i could write an essay on just the queer rep as well) and thats a little embarrassing but. alas. i already fell in love with the character. and if you consider the writing is done by a dude who's got his own issues and just take the character for what he is...i do still rlly enjoy the idiot. and TRUST ME, i will headcanon him as a repressed bisexual who's probably GNC or a little trans or AT LEAST likes to do drag bc c'mon now. oda PUT ALL THAT IN CANON...AND EXPECTS US NOT TO PLAY WITH IT? you could make a compelling argument that he's 1000% straight and cis and kamabakka was a fluke that he resents but i think you could just as easily interpret it the other way. or just say fuck word of god i'm gonna enjoy this character the way i want (draws sanji in a dress for the millionth time bc i can and it makes me feel better. and once again HE WORE ONE IN CANON...AND WAS SMILING ABOUT IT, FOR A WHILE. IDK IDK CALL ME CRAZY) tldr; sanji is fucked but the worst parts are a product of oda himself and i like the character for other reasons and purposely try to consume him very critically for those reasons bc i do still really like him. like. hes my #1 fav character atm unfortunately. but he's nice in a lot of other ways 🥲

SORRY FOR THAT I TALKED WAYYY TOO MUCH!!!! but i enjoyed it so thanks for the opportunity :') im glad ur vibing with op and we're both enjoying this silly little show. tbh half the reason im trying to read it so fast (and why i read WCI early) is bc i was scared my hyperfixation wouldnt last long enough to finish the series BWAHAHA. here's to hoping we both get to see it end and enjoy the journey that comes with that!

#i cant believe i wrote 2k words . i should be embarrassed but im honestly a little impressed.#'hey mont why do you like one piece' [2k word essay defending myself against imaginary haters]#anon if you were worried you were talking too much dw i got you. i'll just talk WAYYY MORE to make u feel better 👍/hj #microphone effect #one piece #sanji #yea i'll put this in the tag #talked too much to only have one person see it #asks #replies #not to be That Person but i basically had a WGS minor in college (i was one class off) and trust me i'm analyzing the Fuck out of oda's #biased writing.#march anon

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i-cant-sing · 3 years

Note

You mentioned (for the platonic yandere todoroki family) theyre not above ..marking the reader what would happen if Rei gave a scar like shotos to them?

Yandere Rei hurting daughter reader

Its like u guys can read my mind💞💞💕

Part 2 is here!

Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

Todoroki clan:

Its my fault.

Somehow, all Todorokis were thinking the same thing.

Its my fault. Fuyumi thought, as she remembered the start of the day. I should've just stayed home with her. She looked down the empty hospital halls. We were having so much fun; the school didn't need me today. The kids could've been managed by a substitute.

She looked at Natsuo, who was talking to one of the doctors.

Its my fault. Natsuo thought, as he talks to the doctors about your condition. I should've just given into your puppy eyes and stayed for lunch. I shouldn't have left because I didn't want to face him. Enji was going to leave for work soon anyways.

The doctor finished briefing Natsuo on your condition. He turned back to look at his parents. Rei was sitting in Enji's lap, sobbing into his chest.

Its my fault. Enji thought. This could've been prevented. I could've saved her from this. Enji recalls the day. He should've listened to you when you mentioned Rei wasn't acting normal; how she stared at you with no emotion and how she was often lost in her thoughts. But he only patted your head and dismissed you as he said "you're being rude, princess. Your mother loves you very much."

Enji looked down the hall and wondered where Shotou had gone off to.

Its my fault. Shotou said to himself as he looked at his reflection i the bathroom mirror, water dripping down his face as his hands closed the faucet. He knew he shouldn't have left you alone with his mother. But someone was at the door and he wasn't going to risk you opening it and running out. He left the kitchen while you set the table and Rei cooked lunch. Shotou opened the door to find Dabi there; he liked to join you and Rei for lunch once a week. It suited him, since neither Enji nor his biological siblings were home at this time. Just Rei, him and you. It was nice talking to his mom again, but it was even better to mess with you. Like with the rest of the family, you had slowly started to grow on him too.

While Shotou was asking Dabi why he was there, a sudden scream ripped through the house. They both ran towards the source, the kitchen. And the scene that greeted them there was straight out of a horror movie.

There you stood screaming as Rei gripped your head with one hand while the other poured boiling hot oil on your eyes.

Dabi was the first one to move, quickly running towards his mother and pulling her away from you. He pried her hands off of you and the pot of oil, letting you both fall to the floor. Dabi wanted to throw fire at Shotou to break him from whatever trance he was trapped in, but the oil that was spilled all around would just end in burning the whole house down. So he yelled at him.

"Shotou!"his brother's voice pulled Shotou back to reality. He looked at Dabi's worried face before he snapped his head towards you. He dashed towards you and pulled you into his lap. You were still screaming, the hot oil that had filled your eyes and was now dripping your cheeks, for sure leaving second degree burns. He quickly activated both of his quirk so that he can shower your face with cold water, as best as he could, using his other hand to call for help.

Shotou looked at Dabi through the mirror, who was drying his hands off.

Its my fault. Dabi thought. I shouldn't have kept telling mom to keep a close eye on you. You were being too compliant with your situation, and it made Dabi feel like you were upto something; that you were planning to run away. When in reality, you were just trying to adjust to the new circumstances.

Dabi sighed, before leaving the bathroom with Shotou to check up on their mother.

"Its my fault."Rei said to Enji, who only pulled her further into his chest. "It is my fault, Enji. I- I don't know what happened. I was cooking shrimp for us and she was helping set the table. She looked out the window and smiled and said "its a nice day out, isn't it?" and then I blacked out and then- then all I remember was Touya holding me and yelling at Shotou. And Enji, I- I saw her. She was all red, Enji. Her skin was blistering up and- and oh my god the burning smell and her screams. Enji her screams-"she started sobbing into his chest as Enji ran his fingers through her hair. "Not here, Rei. Not right now." He told her. Although Enji had already paid off the everyone to keep their mouths shut, he still had to be cautious. The entire hospital floor was emptied for you; not a word of this needed to get to the press.

Dabi and Touya came back just as the doctor came out of your room. They all turned to him. "Is she going to be okay?"Fuyumi asked, voice quivering.

He started speaking,"The surgery went alright. We were able to treat most of her burns but the oil was very hot. It penetrated through most of her tissues and caused irreversible damage. Her eyes... we couldn't save them." At this, everyone's eyes widened. Rei started crying harder as her knees went weak, but Enji kept her from falling down. "The nerves are damaged and we can't replace them right now. Fortunately, due to having Miss (Y/n) brought in time, we were able to save the brain and its tissues from damage." He cleared his throat, before continuing. "She's unconscious right now, but you can go in." Natsuo went with the doctor to understand the treatment you would need, while the rest of the Todorokis went in.

The moment they entered the room, they all felt the same emotion. Guilt.

Shotou felt like his world was crashing down. How could he have let this happen? He was supposed to protect you. And now you've lost your sight.

Fuyumi couldn't even bare to look at you like this for more than a second, crying silently to herself as she had done all these years. You wouldn't have been in the kitchen if only she had stayed. She could've helped set the table with Rei, instead of you.

Enji felt like a criminal himself. He could've prevented this. He should've known something like this was bound to happen. He should've listened to you when you mentioned Rei's odd behaviour; he should've been the one to notice it in the first place. If he did, you wouldn't be in this state.

Dabi has seen much violence. He has seen- he has mutilated people. He's seen things far worse than this, things that would make people lose sleep. But somehow, seeing you like this, was far more gut churning than anything he'd ever witnessed.

Rei looked at your unconscious body, your eyes were bandaged and an IV was attached to your arm. The area near your eyes had slightly charred while the rest of your face was blistered and red and blanched; healing ointments were applied on it.

"I hurt her. I hurt our baby, Enji. I- I took away her eyes. I ruined her beautiful face. I did this, Enji. How- how could I do this?"Enji only held his crying wife, his eyes still focused on you and his heart heavy with guilt. "I'm a bad mother." Rei said in a quiet voice.

Everyone looked at her suddenly. "No, you're not." Dabi said, speaking for the first time since they came to the hospital. Fuyumi nodded, "no, you're not. You're a good mother. This- this was just an accident and- and its okay. She'll be okay." Without tearing his eyes off you, Shotou spoke as well. "Yes. This was just an unfortunate accident. You're a good mother. You've showered her, and us with love. You've taken care of her, you'll take care of her again. We'll help you as well. She'll be better in no time."

Rei smiled meekly at her kids. They're so kind. She looked at Enji, who was staring intensely at your unconscious body, worry evident in his eyes. Does he think I'm a bad mother? Rei wondered. As if he could hear her, Enji looked at Rei before smiling. "Its okay, honey. It was...just an accident. Its not your fault." He kissed her forehead before continuing, "like Shotou said, once she is discharged, we can all take care of her and she'll be better in no time. She'll need us now more than ever, don't you think so?" Rei smiled and nodded, placing her head on his chest again. "Yes. We'll be alright again."

Should I do a part 2 where they bring the reader back home?

#yandere endeavor #yandere enji todoroki #yandere dabi #yandere shoto todoroki #shoto todoroki #yandere fuyumi todoroki #natsuo todoroki #yandere natsuo todoroki #enji todoroki #endeavour x reader #yandere todoroki clan #yandere touya todoroki #todoroki clan #yandere bnha #bnha headcanons #yandere mha #bnha imagines #yandere dabi x reader #touya todoroki

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mysticmousecat · 2 years

Text

Part of "He Knows" part 2

I'm hoping to be done with this part soon, but the writer's block is real you guys. Also, yes, I am aware this chapter is incredibly self-indulgent sounding but I'm already this far into it and I'm not turning back now. Also Also, I mention in this that the ChemTech component mines release minute levels of radiation, I say that because I have a theory (Probably incorrect but a fun idea) that the components ChemTech uses are actually an isotope of Uranium, specifically U-238 which while not super good for producing energy, is fantastic for using in metal textiles and produces something called Depleted Uranium after being processed which is like a fine dust that when inhaled is incredibly toxic and upon long term exposure (Like growing up in a place where it is incredibly unregulated in the atmosphere) can cause diseases and cancers to show up later in life, such as lung cancer *hint hint* (If you wanna know more about this theory, because there is so much more in my brain, send in an ask and I'll go further into detail. Anyway, science talk over and back to my self-indulgence.

“I started working on this concept shortly after I returned to Zaun,” Viktor started, holding the object up for you to see better, and upon closer inspection you found it to be some kind of armor it seemed. “Being back in the Undercity reminded me just how severe the pollution there is, much to the fault of the chem mining that takes place there. I started working on an armor plating that could protect the wearer from the minute amounts of radiation released from mining, while the levels are not immediately harmful, I feel my falling ill is proof enough of its long term affects.”

You stared at the distinctly feminine shape of the garment. “There a lot of women miners?” You asked, sending a side glance toward Viktor, who, for just a split second, you could have sworn you saw the slightest hint of a blush, but it was gone before you could really look at it.

“…No,” He finally said, then seemed to rack his brain for another response for a moment. “Though this is more for the people who live near the exposed seams, like I did,” You nodded at his explanation, it made sense, protect the internal organs from radiation damage from the ChemTech components, valid idea. “I also may have known when I made this prototype that I’d be asking you to be the one to wear it.” You took another glance at the armor, noticing now that it was indeed very close to your own shape and size, you didn’t know what to focus on more, the fact that Viktor had known he wanted you to wear this first or the fact that the bust size seemed to be a near perfect match to your own, you tried not to think about that one too much, it was sending your brain to dangerous places. “So, will you wear it?” Viktor’s question pulled you from your thoughts.

You eyed the garment again, trying to figure out where it began or ended or how you’d even go about getting into it. “How do I put it on?” The smile Viktor gave you brought heat to your skin, a mischievous glint in his eye suddenly replacing the slightly nervous look that had been there previously.

“You will need help.” Was all he said before laying the garment down onto the table behind him. He turned back toward you and cast an inquisitive glance toward you, placing on hand on his hip, the other supporting his weight as he leaned on his cane, seemingly scrutinizing you.

“What?” You asked, you could practically see the cogs turning in Viktor’s head as he thought.

“If I make a request, do you promise not to hit me?” He asked, his eyes snapping up to meet yours.

“I guess that depends on the request.”

Viktor looked at you and then back to the armored garment on the table, then back to you. “This garment is designed to be snug against the wearer, and I’m not sure it will fit over so many…layers.” He finally said.

You looked at your best friend for a moment, only halfway processing exactly what he had just said, was he asking you to… “Viktor are you asking me to strip?” He seemed to actually choke at your response, which you will readily admit is hilarious, but still failed to quell the sudden fire under your skin.

“I am doing no such thing!” Viktor sputtered. “I’m simply saying that while this garment could go over your jacket and shirt, I may have a harder time fitting it to you properly, though I will happily try if you’d like.” You thought about it for all of a few seconds before you brain supplied a very helpful, ‘fuck it’.

“Okay.” You spoke. You’d expected him to be surprised, maybe a bit shocked that you’d agreed to essentially get half naked in front of him, but instead you swore you could see the slightest hint of mischief in his eyes, an ever so subtle smirk on his lips before he schooled his expression back to perfect composure. That had been your first warning of what was to come, the beginning of what would be the most wonderful of hells that you would be forced to endure over the coming weeks.

“Perfect.” He said as he started rummaging through a drawer behind him, finding what he was looking for in the form of a fabric tape measure. You pulled the zipper of your jacket down as he made his way to the front door of the lab, flipping the lock loudly, giving you a slight startle. “Definitely would not want any uninvited guests.” While knowing no one was going to be barging in while this was happening did ease some of your nerves, you still had to deal with the fact that Viktor was very much about to see you in barely anything but a bra.

#arcane #viktor #viktor x reader #arcane x reader #League of legends #lol viktor #lol x reader #league of legends x reader #league of legends viktor #arcane viktor

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enderwoah · 3 years

Text

ORIGINS SMP HEADCANONS (because i love them): SEASON TWO EDITION BAYBEEE

(this is really long ENJOY :gun:)

tommy

he is phil's son smile

phil's most recent son at least

he's got like one more somewhere

he picked this one up off the dangerous streets a few years ago and he's been sticking with phil ever since

his wings are small- not too small to fly, but they're untrained to the point where it would take a lot or work to get him off the ground

but at first, he didn't really seem to want to learn all that much?

(he has three scars on his face- all from trying to learn how to fly when he was younger)

(he gave up after the third one)

("if at first you don't succeed; try, try again" is his motto, and he tried all three times)

but!! phil and wilbur are very persuasive :) and now that he knows he can fly, he's not going to rest until he does

he's a little manipulative to get what he wants sometimes, but can you blame someone that lived on the street for so long?

he had to do that to survive! it's not his fault.

(it's a great excuse.)

he laughs like a kookaburra amen

he squawks when he gets scared

he chirps. he tries not to because it makes phil go absolutely bird-brained but he does sometimes and he hates it.

tubbo

NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO BE A B[GUNSHOTS]

god he is. so fucking annoying (/rp)

he simply does not know when to stop

he ignores social cues to see when someone is annoyed

(see: he can read social cues. he does read social cues. when you get annoyed that's when he starts being more annoying, because you're more likely to give him what he wants to get him to shut the fuck up.)

he loves talking to (at) people, especially people he doesn't really know that well

so he's trying to be friends with ranboo, but the absolute prick keeps trying to avoid any actual conversations, so that's not working

he buzzes when he gets excited-happy

his fingertips are completely blackened and horrendously sharp, functioning as ten individual stingers

they don't do any actual damage but he's working on that

techno

wither hybrid (??)

how can you be a wither hybrid?? nobody got down and dirty with the wither

he's an experiment

the reason we haven't seen him yet? he's staying away from the main area of the smp

he doesn't want to ruin its natural beauty with his withering effect, so he keeps to himself on the outskirts of the smp

which sucks

withers get health from killing things

he's not fully a wither, so he gets energy from being around people and sort of draining their life force a little bit

he feels terrible when he's with just one person because they are Literally his life support and it makes the person feel like shit

when he's with a big group of people its great!! he only has to take a little bit from everyone and its barely noticable!!

but then there's the wither part. so he has to stay away.

he's always tired

always exhausted

he's a farmer, so taking it from animals works, but god does he miss people

but he can only visit a few times and for very short

(he's afraid that one of these days he'll get so bad that the next time he sees someone he'll accidentally kill them)

(it already happened once. he's blessed that he's been forgiven, even made friends with by the victims, but he doubts he'll be able to pull that off again with no consequences like last time)

wilbur

phantlings are dead elytrians, and given that wilbur was phil's son...he's a phantling

he died in the late 50s and was a librarian when he was alive, so he's very possessive (ha) over all of his things

you should never ask to "borrow" anything from him, he will hound you about it until you give it back

it's best to just say that you want something from him to keep

even if youre going to give it back

just for your own peace of mind

phantlings can feel fear and get a genuine feeling of elation from scaring people

of course, sometimes its unwelcome (feeling large amounts of fear from someone they care about in a bad way just makes them pissed)

but for the most part, wilbur loves appearing in the corner of people's visions just to jumpscare them a few minutes later

all in good fun, of course!! it's just hilarious :)

being the lighthearted, fun guy he is, he's not particularly secretive about his method of death

"how did i die? well, it all started -- ended -- on november 16th, 1958!"

"i walked out of the library late, since i took the shift for my wife since she was feeling sick and i worked there anyways,"

"the streets were dark and only lit up by gaslamps...and out of an alley...appeared..........."

techno.

he didn't mean it. wilbur isn't at all mad at him (anymore)

he was starving. he didn't know that one touch would be enough to fully revitalize him...

and murder wilbur where he stood.

sneeg

has details on everyone on the server

you Cannot Hide Shit From Sneeg

its impossible

if you find of his any shittly little mouse holes then you're doomed

you find one and there are twenty more

he's under your floorboards while you're having your important discussion about trapping the nether roof

sucks to suck ig??

he seems to be the favourite of many, which is weird since he rarely goes out of his way to actually talk to many people

he's the only person that tubbo doesn't actively try to annoy (or maybe he just doesn't find tubbo's antics all that annoying)

he's the only person that ranboo stays around (or maybe he stays around ranboo- he and Phil seem to be the only ones not off-put by his slightly sadistic and whiny demeanour (not counting tubbo, who annoys him anyways)

phil seems to be more protective of him than he thinks is normal (he lets sneeg ride on his shoulder while travelling, so he doesn't really complain)

niki is completely protective over him (again, not complaining)

contrary to popular believe, he does not get high from sugar

if anything he gets

high-per

(get it)

(high-per)

(hyper)

he's literally just a nine-year old getting a sugar rush leave him alone

phil

take the normal "bird-brain" headcanons and multiply it by like sixty-four

and you've got origins phil

he can't see glass- or, rather, he can, but it doesn't register that 'hey, this is a solid surface i am going to slam into'

its very funny for everyone else but he's pretty sure he has permanent brain damage from the blunt force trauma

if there is ANYONE on the server who dares to chirp, bird or no, they must understand that they are signing away their privacy and giving phil the right to go absolutely bonkers over them momma bird style

(shoutout to tommy, wilbur, ranboo, and fundy for having to suffer through this)

"oh??? you don't have wings?? you don't have feathers?? omg?? then what's this im preening?? what do you mean im just braiding your hair?? nono this is preening smile"

god help you if you dare to have wings

poor tommy, wilbur, sneeg, and tubbo

phil can't help himself alright

do you think he wants to be any sort of protective over sneegsnag?

no!! but he cant stop himself!! sneeg might damage his wings if he keeps flying those super long distances!!! nnnno! carry the bug man!!!

it's weird, he's always had that protective sense over ranboo, too

but ranboo very obviously doesn't have wings, so he doesn't get it...

ranboo

yes ur a peasant

yes ur poor

yes im cooler than u

what r u gonna do about it

the enderdragon's son! partially a dragon, partially enderman, partially human (don't ask, his other mom is a hybrid), all spoiled brat!

given that he has a ton of dragon genes, he's extremely possessive over his stuff and Yes He Does Do The Hoarding Thing

he has a pile of rings and gold chains and necklaces and most of his jewellery hidden underneath his bed

(if you ask him, no, he doesn't)

not to wear

just to Have

one time, fundy stole one (1) bracelet from the hoard and ranboo was sent into a panic for a good 24 hours

he wouldn't leave his cave and kept counting and recounting as if that'd make the missing piece reappear

(when fundy had to give it back because of the guilt, he expected to get his face bitten off)

(instead, he just watched as the prince was flooded with relief, telling him to get the hell out and nothing more)

it's weird, he has so much gold and even a crown, and yet here he is

living with all those people ^^^

truth be told, the enderdragon isn't a very nice dragon

nor is she a very kind queen

nor was the other queen

nor was her son

there was a mutiny in the end, leading to the dragon queen and her wife being killed brutally by the crowd of angered people

they went after their son next, who had ordered executions and worked servants to the bone just as much as they had

they cut off his wings in the middle of the square

he was sure he was going to die until a random person (a peasant) jumped up and yelled at them for publicly torturing a child

but ranboo didn't really catch all of it, given he was delirious from pain

he got to get some stuff quickly and escape with his life

this wasn't too long ago, either, so he's still trying to...adjust...to people talking rudely to him

(he's also trying to adjust to not having wings)

(hence why he hurls himself off the edges of cliffs and then has to teleport to the bottom instead of glide. he keeps forgetting.)

#this is so long #origins smp #originssmp #ranboo #tubbo #philza #philza minecrft #sneegsnag #wilbur soot #technoblade #tommyinnit #help this is so long

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fangurk · 3 years

Text

She’s Always There (Paul Lahote x Reader)

Key:

Y/n: Your Name

Y/l/n: Your Last Name

Y/n/n: Your Nickname

Y/e/c: Your Eye Color

Y/h/c: Your Hair Color

Prompt Given To Me By @ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhghhhh.tumblr.com: hey!! so the reason I'm messaging is because I wanted to request something but can't fit it all into an ask lmao. anyways could i please request a Paul Lahote x reader where the reader has been super close to the whole pack for years and has been Paul's imprint but doesn't know it (bc Sam thought it would be best to keep u away from it all) and they decide to finally tell you about being shapeshifters and being Paul's imprint and you're so mad about them not telling u earlier and there's a huge argument and they and Paul tries to calm you down but you say stuff like 'leave me alone' and things like that and it sounds like you're rejecting him/the bond in ur angry breakdown. anyways Paul is heartbroken and can't get out of bed or eat or anything so the guys finally convince you to come back bc they and Paul need you and it's just the reader cuddling with him and getting him out of bed to take a shower and eat and he realizes that you're not going anywhere and it's just like healing the imprint bond? sorry for this WALL of text, I've just had this idea stuck in my head for a while lol. if you don't want to do it, that's completely fine!! thank you for your time ♡

ok so my guy,, bc this fic has been stuck in my head for a bit, some scenes have developed? so idk i hope this isn't too much, but if u do write it, would u be willing to add like some angst to it, obvi, and maybe a scene/part lol where when the reader tries to get him to shower (bc the misinterpreted rejection made him like super depressed and he just felt low about himself) he won't shower, because he doesn't want to come out and the reader is gone. so either they shower together (not smutty just angst&fluff) or she sits like in the bathroom while he showers LOL. and when he feels a bit better, they go down to eat and he's touching some part of her at all times. if this is too much to like,, include then that's a-okay. i just need to get this OUT of my MIND ugh lmao!/!

Reader Gender: Female

Summary: The Reader has been friends with most of the pack members for her whole life. Which is why, after months of silence and strange changes, she was willing to let them back into her life— until she finds out she’s been told lies that leave her in danger, of course. After a big freak out and two weeks of avoiding them, the boys come begging for her help; it turns out that Paul has some wolf-y claim on her, and whatever she said to him has left him worse for wear...

Warnings: Mentions of Depression, Nudity, Angst, and Cursing.

A/n: this is literally like a whole novel I’m so sorry I got carried away. this is kinda based on a lot of fics I read where the imprint has the potential to really hurt people and I named Paul’s dad.

Word Count: 2.9k+

“The legends are real!?”

Y/n Y/l/n hasn’t ever been so disturbed in her entire life.

After weeks of radio silence, Sam Uley’s little ‘gang’, mostly consisting of people she’d known since childhood, had slowly trickled back into her life. What started as a grocery run with Paul or a movie with Jared had turned into big bonfire parties including Jacob Black and his gaggle.

But that was months ago. Months. And now, as she sits by a fire, surrounded on either side by them, they decide to tell her their little secret?

“Y/n.” Sam says as she abruptly stands, eyes stern and hand raised placatingly.

His actions only served to upset her more and her skin bristles with irritation. Sam was acting as if she, a human surrounded by shape shifters, was the unstable one. As if she could do any damage to things built to kill vampires.

“Don’t you dare, Sam.” She clenches her fists, glaring right back at him. “It’s been months- months- and you’re telling me now?”

“It’s not exactly an easy thing to bring up.” He reasons, voice a little less demanding. “We all wanted to be sure that you were ready to know.”

“Ready?!” Y/n laughs mirthlessly, y/e/c eyes wide with disbelief, “When was I supposed to be ready Sam? W-when one of you gored me? When a cold one ripped me apart?”

Her hands shake as she puts them on her forehead, blinking back tears. Growing up all she’d ever heard were stories of humans getting dragged into fights between wolf and vampire, and she couldn’t bring herself to look Emily in the eye because it was suddenly apparent that wolves alone could hurt people too.

It was so bad, whatever happened to Emily, that they said a bear mauled her— Y/n didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“It’s not like that, Y/n/n.” Embry chimes in, reaching out to grab his friend's arm.

She yanks her body out of the way and gathers her belongings quickly.

“What is it like then, Call?” She holds her bag to her heaving chest, “because it seems to me that you all have the ability to turn into giant, slobbery freaks that are built for killing vampires and, after completely dropping me for weeks, you decided to keep it secret from me for months. Did it even occur to you that I would’ve been better off knowing right off the bat?!”

No one says anything. Eight shifters and two of their girlfriends sit there, just staring at her like she was speaking a different language.

“You know,” Y/n has to clear her throat to steady her wavering voice, “had you guys really been souped-up on drugs like everyone says, maybe I could’ve handled the lying. But my life was clearly potentially in danger, and you let me hang around without saying anything. I- God I don’t want to see you people right now.”

She leaves with that, stepping over logs and storming back down the beach with determination. Faintly over the roar of her heartbeat, she can hear someone scrambling to stand behind her.

“Wait!— shit, sorry-” Paul grunts, jogging to catch up with her- “Y/n-“

With an unusual gentleness, his warm hand wrapped around her forearm. For a moment, deep in the back of her mind, a foreign feeling tells her to stop, to listen; but that small voice is quickly smothered by the rational part of her brain, and she wrenches her arm from his grip.

“Don’t touch me!” She snaps, lowering her voice, “Leave me alone- I need to be alone.”

Paul stands there, dumbstruck, an unreadable look in his eyes as she walks away. And he’d continue to stand there, looking like a kicked puppy long after her retreating form became a blur amongst the darkness of the beach.

“Paul?” Sam is hesitant, hand hovering over the younger boy’s shoulder a minute before he touches him, “You okay?”

Shrugging his leader’s arm off his shoulder, Paul sighs. “No...I...I’m just gonna head home.”

Instead of going in the directions of the cars, the wolf stalks off toward the woods; Emily stands from her seat, wrapping her sweater more around herself as she watches Paul leave. Concern is written all over her features.

“He’ll be fine, Em,” He pulls her in for a hug, “it’ll all work out eventually.”

ஓ๑♡๑ஓ

Y/n does a good job of avoiding them for a while.

She turns her phone off a few days in and avoids going to First Beach, even when Washington gets a rare, warm summer feel. Books that have sat long forgotten on her shelves get read and TV shows she’s always meant to catch up on get watched; it’s boring and she runs out of options, at one point thinking of dying her hair y/f/c just to spice things up, but it allows her to think. (Or at least it allows this strange little voice in the back of her head to tell her that she needs to go back to them.)

The next time she sees any of the boys is exactly two weeks after the bonfire incident.

She’s curled up on her couch, picking at some of the Clearwaters’ fish fry and barely watching an episode of ANTM, when a fist comes banging down on her door. Turning off the TV, she tiptoes to the window, peeking under the curtain as carefully as she can.

As she expected, Jared Cameron and Embry Call are on her porch, the former standing in front of her door with his hip cocked, the other rooting around in her mother’s plants for something. Cringing, she hopes if she’s quiet enough that they’ll just go away.

Her front door opens within minutes, however, and she realizes her hoping is fruitless.

Should’ve known you can’t hide from wolves, she can’t help but think bitterly.

“Y/n?” Jared calls out through the house, “we know you’re here.”

“Yeah, and you guys should probably move your spare key,” Embry tacks on, flicking the light switch to the living room up, “I've known you forever and it’s still in the same place.”

From her spot by the window, the y/h/c haired girl glares at the two boys, arms crossed over her chest. Embry gives her a lopsided grin and holds the key out to her, his bud plopping down on the couch and pulling her abandoned plate into his lap.

Y/n extends a hand to take the key.

“Has it really been in the same place?” She sounds a little more defeated than she’d like.

“Yeah, it’s always been in your mother’s cornflower pot.”

“That’s...kinda sad.” She wrinkles her nose, pocketing the key with the intention to hide it better later, “but uh, I’ve been ignoring you for two weeks for a reason. Peacefully breaking into my house kinda furthers my need for space.”

Embry scratches the back of his neck.

“Well,” He says, “we need you to come back, man. Paul won’t talk to anyone- Sam doesn’t know if he’s eating, and he won’t even get out of bed for patrol! He needs his imprint-”

“His what?” She cocks her head to the side and Jared snorts from the couch.

“She left before we got there, nimrod,” Jared mocks through a mouthful of food, “she doesn’t know what an imprint is.”

He lets out an indignant “Hey!” as Y/n walks by, snatching her plate back from him on her way to the kitchen. Embry chases after her, a grumpy Jared jumping up from the couch to follow.

“You’re his imprint— you’re basically his soulmate!”

“Really?” She says warily, sealing the fish and putting it back in the fridge.

Both boys nod clumsily.

“You remember a few weeks ago when you saw each other for the first time again and he kinda just stood there like an idiot while you talked?”

“Yeah? Oh!-” She brings her hands up to her mouth, brows furrowed as she recalls.

It was exactly Jared had said. She and Paul had seen one another for the first time in a long time and the minute her y/e/c eyes looked into his, it was like he’d been struck dumb.

Embry gives her an encouraging look, “An imprint is...It's not like love at first sight, really. It's more like… gravity moves… suddenly. It's not the earth holding you here anymore, she does… You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that's a protector, or a lover, or a friend. When you snapped at him last week he thought you were rejecting him….”

A part of her thought about how absurd it was that he knew that whole speech. But the bigger part of her came to a realization that made her stomach churn.

“So he's all depressed… because… of me?” She whispers, leaning back on the counter.

Embry, always a rather sympathetic person, opens his mouth to comfort her, but Jared cuts him off.

“Basically. So are you going to come with us so we can help Paul or are you going to continue being petty?”

In any other circumstance, Y/n probably would’ve thrown something at her for calling her petty. She felt she was completely justified in her actions. A part of her wonders if she can really believe them— they’d spent months lying to her after all. But a larger part thinks about Paul, curled up in his bed, slowly desecrating because he thinks she rejected him.

If it were really all some ploy to get her to listen to them, then she’d at least be the person who chose the well-being of her friend over a petty disagreement.

“I’m coming.” She affirms, pushing herself off the counter, and letting the boys lead her to the car.

ஓ๑♡๑ஓ

Jared and Embry drop her off in front of the Lahote household. They tell her something but she can’t really hear them over her heartbeat, she doesn’t even know they’re gone until it’s too late to turn back.

Getting into the house wasn’t the hard part. Paul’s father, Cyrus, had been leaving as she arrived, and, after he watched her stare at the house with a fearful expression for a few minutes, he happily let her in. The hard part was willing her legs to take her up the stairs to Paul’s room, and then it was opening his bedroom door.

Y/n has known Paul since they were eight, but she was afraid of him until they were eleven. He wasn’t mean, per se, but his anger made him do mean things; she wasn’t entirely happy with puberty and it’s monthly gifts, but whatever it did to make her suddenly un-afraid of him she was grateful for. But now, standing in front of his bedroom door, she had a nagging fear that Paul would revert to that eight year old boy who threw lunch boxes and twisted arms behind backs until people cried.

The door creaks slightly as she struggles to push it open.

His room is almost completely dark except for the light coming from the hallway behind her. Trash and dirty clothes have formed a compact layer on his bedroom floor, foot sized holes leading up to the twin sized bed in the corner. On the bed, amongst the blankets she’s sure he doesn’t need, is Paul— or at least, a Paul sized lump.

As gross as it is, she’s kind of relieved he’s been eating.

“Paul?” She whispers tentatively, stepping toward the bed.

The lump flinches and turns toward her.

“Y/n?”

If the room and the description of his state weren’t heartbreaking enough, his voice definitely was. Hollow, rough, and small, everything it never was, everything Paul wasn’t.

“Is that you?”

“Yeah...it’s me..”

She carefully steps over to the bed, and Paul slowly sits up, pushing his blankets to the side. There’s a beat of silence as she stands between his legs, his reluctant hands coming to rest on her waist after a minute. Y/n let’s him have another to gather his thoughts.

“You really came…” Tears well up in his eyes and loops his arms around her back.

She runs a hand through his hair. “I did, and I’m so sorry, if I had known—”

Paul nuzzles her stomach, “S’fine, you didn’t know, and you’re here now.”

There’s a sort of cute, euphoria lacing his voice and he’s visibly much more relaxed.

“Just don’t ever say that again…”

“I won’t, I promise.”

She’s surprised when he manhandles her into his lap, but she doesn’t really mind. He’s warm and strangely familiar and something about it just— clicks.

“When was the last time you spent, I dunno, a minute or two out of your room?” Y/n asks softly, y/e/c eyes glancing about the room.

The shifter’s only response is a shrug, too busy nosing around her neck with vigor. When he finds a certain spot, it makes her squeak, and this seems to excite him like a puppy finding out its favorite toy makes noise.

“You need to bathe, eat something substantial,” She intertwines their fingers, “and the...pack...they’re really worried about you— are you even listening to me?”

He looks up at her then and flashes her a sheepish smile, answering her question. Pursing her lips, she pulls his arms from around her.

“C’mon, Paul.” She stands up and takes his hand. “We’re gonna get you cleaned up.”

She moves toward the door, urging him forward, only to be jerked to a stop as he stays put. He looks a little distressed when she turns back to him, brows furrowed, almost like he’s in pain.

“Paul?”

He grunts, jaw clenched as the cogs turn in his head. Y/n cocks her head and reaches out for his other hand. It felt like some sort of supernatural intuition, one she’ll blame on the imprint and ask Emily about later.

“Paul, hon, why won’t you come shower?”

“I’m afraid you'll leave,” He says bashfully, “it’s stupid, I know, but part of me is afraid you’ll leave while I’m in the shower.”

Y/n couldn’t help but feel a little heartbroken at his confession. Paul was part wolf, and part of being part wolf was imprinting— she almost wishes she’d have stayed long enough to listen, or been able to focus as the boys debriefed her on the ride over because only being able to speculate how much she’d actually hurt him was eating her alive. He wouldn’t even shower, something he desperately needed to do, because of what she’d said.

Taking a deep breath, she barely registers the words she’s about to say.

“I’ll wait with you, I’ll sit on the toilet, you’ll see me there.”

And true to her word, Y/n does sit on the toilet while Paul showers, reading the information on soap bottles to distract herself from the fact that he was there next to her, very naked. Occasionally he asks her what she’s doing, and she reads the ingredients out loud to the best of her ability, and he laughs a little— she tries to hide her smile, but she was too happy he was laughing.

She closes her eyes when he gets out, letting him dry himself off and pull on some clean shorts. He throws the wet towel at her when he’s done, eliciting a “Hey!” that makes him laugh again.

Now that he’s clean, the two of them descend into his quiet house. Y/n navigates the kitchen, her wolf attached to her hip and being less than helpful, and makes them both something to eat— he doesn’t do much more than stand behind her, wrapped around her, making her life more difficult.

“I’m so happy you came back.” He says, watching her work.

“I was always going to.” Y/n responds, her voice sure and steady.

They talk as they eat, sitting across from one another at the too big table in the Lahote household. Talk about how this was going to work, admitting feelings that always lingered, and everything in between; she hooks her leg around his, watching him scarf down his meal with a wrinkled nose and fondness glittering in her y/e/c eyes.

He’s...gross...but he’s hers, she’s kind of stuck with him.

A date is planned. An actual date.

Paul promises to take her to the local diner (and to wear a shirt, for once.)

“I’ve been saving up for something like this.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, and you can get that dessert you like.”

Y/n laughs softly, but heat spreads up her neck and settles in her ears and cheeks. It’d been a long time since that had been her favorite food, but it was the thought that counted...

When Cyrus Lahote returns from work later that night his son and the Y/l/n girl are awkwardly situated on his couch— him on his back, snoring, her lying on top of him, face tucked into his neck, also fast asleep. The older man turns off the TV and tosses a blanket over the pair, ascending up the stairs with a smile on his face.

Y/n Y/l/n was trustworthy. She’s always there when Paul is in a rut too big for him to handle...

#paul lahote #paul lahote imagine #paul lahote x reader #twilight wolf pack imagine #twilight wolf pack #twilight fanfiction #eclipse #twilight wolf imagines #embry call #jared cameron #sam uley

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