[18+] Deranged Love - Hanma Shuji x F!Reader - Part 3
[Probably contains spoilers from the anime and the manga] [She/Her pronouns used for the reader, no physical description; Everyone is +18]
Words : 9069
Archive of our own
Warnings : Explicit! / Blood / Injuries / Guns / Bruises / Blood / Graphic depiction of violence / Killing / Gun play
- - Part 1 - Part 2
I had Hanma’s briefcase on my desk, and its content was all I could expect from a man like him. What was more surprising was the effort put into concealing it; there was some sort of foam that had the shape of the gun in the bigger compartment in which the weapon was neatly placed. That I had seen from my first glance, but as I opened it only enough to see the inside, I noticed some white papers in the pocket of the case. Opening it a bit wider, I grabbed them and took a good look at it. Of course, it was not going to be anything minor, what did I expect? Train tickets? Accounts statements? There was no need for him to have those here, plus I was convinced he did not feel the need to leave a city that he had control over. He was probably comfortable enough as it was, getting all that he wanted with one snap of his fingers.
Making sure no one was looking, I opened the folder and closed it just as fast, my eyes pinned to my screen in shock. So that’s what he had in mind, blackmailing. There were two files on my desk, one with my boss’ name on it, his picture clipped to the front, while the second one had Eisuke’s name on it, displayed exactly like the other file. What I had seen was more than enough to shame Kazuki Hideki, my boss, and I felt somewhat ashamed of myself upon having seen the pictures of him with a man other than his husband. I should not have seen it, it had happened in the night’s discretion with only the moon as their witness… but while the moon did not talk, photos did. They had been caught and I was almost sure they did not know it, that was Hanma’s leverage.
It made one wonder what he had on Eisuke…
My fingers drummed over the file, curiosity piqued and morale hesitant. What weighed more on the scale? Integrity or my hunger for knowledge? I did not wonder long, I already despised the man as it was. If there was something incriminating in those pages, enough to prove he was a bastard, I wanted to see it. Pursing my lips deep in thought, I considered my options and as I was about to open his file, a hand clasped on my shoulder startled me. As I turned around, my mind hoped for it to be Hanma and a certain disappointment filled my being when I saw my Junior Rai Nayoko. She had joined earlier this year and needed some guidance when unsure of what to do, I was more than willing to help her anytime seeing how determined she was. At first she had been shy in her demeanor, always glancing at me many times before standing up suddenly and rushing to my side, apologizing for disturbing me.
With time she was more excited, even more so seeing I was never really bothered if it meant helping her get the hang of the tasks. But right now… my mind was somewhere else; I was anything but focused on doing some consulting or coaching and yet I smiled. “Junior, what can I do to help?” I asked as I crossed my legs and made sure to slide the files under the briefcase before turning around and facing her. Her eyes still glanced behind me as she clasped her hands behind her back and grinned, “Would you like some help on your new dossiers? I can see you brought it in that fancy briefcase, it must be quite important. I would love an opportunity to work on something other than-“ shaking my hands in front of me, I joined in by shaking my head and chuckling nervously. “It’s not, I-“ What excuse could I give? If I told her I got the wrong suitcase, I was sure she’d still be curious to see what’s inside. If I say it’s not important, she’ll think it’s odd that I am being so suspicious. But I couldn’t just straight up lie to her, seeing how elated she was.
I played a risky card.
“Well, it’s actually not my stuff. I must have messed my stuff with someone and took a random person’s briefcase-“ I leaned in as if to tell her a secret and continued with my playful tone, “There is actually a gun in this,” I pointed at the briefcase over my shoulder, “and a lot of blackmail material.” I then leaned back on my chair and shrugged, “Nothing really interesting.” I finished with a wink. Her face was shocked and for a moment I thought I had fucked up, if she were to call security I surely would be done for, but when she leaned back and burst out laughing, I chuckled a bit too loudly along with her. “Very well! If you need help I will be available Ma’am!” She said with a smile then turned around.
Watching her walk away, I felt my soul leave my body and sighed in relief. My chair now turned again towards the screen, I shoved the files in the briefcase and stood up quickly. I could not keep this briefcase; it was too risky. As I walked out of my office, I made sure to nod at Rai then lifted the case, “I’ll be sure to come back, I need to drop this to the-“ my tongue caught in my throat upon making up this lie as I went, “Finance department, I did all I had to do now it’s their turn.” I laughed politely as she mirrored me and gave me a thumbs up.
Instead of going to the finance department, I went to the restroom and locked myself in to have a proper look at everything. Shaking my head, I still could not believe the contents of the bag, but even upon being in disbelief I opened it again, my hand moving on its own as if it had gone there many times already to grab the two files. Putting the briefcase on the floor, I closed it and reviewed the papers, making sure to look at every detail. Starting with Eisuke's file, I slowly opened it and saw dark pictures. It was dark—a car stopped in the middle of the road, someone on the floor. Checking the other pictures, I saw him getting back in the car, the look on his face was guilty, he was glancing back at the body. The following pictures were blurry ones of his car driving away. The last one was a zoomed-in picture of the dead woman, her face bloodied, eyes devoid of life. Seeing it, I closed the file, feeling sick from the sight, but I wondered if he had been caught. Had he perhaps paid the police to hide everything, did the family find closure?
Peeking at it again, I saw a hand-written note ‘hit and run, still on the run’ then a list of people’s names, along with the victim’s.
What was their leverage here? To have him cave in to whatever their demands were by telling him they knew about that awful, shitty thing he had done. Sighing in frustration, I shoved the files back in the briefcase and glanced at the gun—he might think I took it on purpose, he might get mad. I can’t give it back to him, can I? Reluctantly, I reached for it and pried my hand away from it rapidly when I heard the door open suddenly. My entire body stilled, all my senses were on high alert as I waited for the footsteps to stop in the next stall, which they didn’t. Instead, they stopped right in front of mine.
Three firm knocks on the wooden door followed, I didn’t move. Three more. Without a sound, I grabbed the gun and placed it in the back of my pants, my belt holding it in place as my blazer covered it fully, undetectable. With just as much care as I had put in until now, I closed the briefcase and gripped the handle as I stood up. Deep inside, I was hoping the person would leave, hoping that the other stalls were taken and they were in a hurry, but I felt a bad omen, the person behind wasn’t good—“Ma’am! Are you in there? A tall handsome man who says is a new shareholder would like a tour of the firm, he doesn’t seem like the type to like waiting—did you drop everything at the finance department? Are you feeling alright-“ Unlocking the door, I got out with an apologetic look, one to hide the fact that my face was blanching and I was convinced she was a murderous maniac. “I’m sorry, I needed some quiet to have a private call!” I lied, showing my phone which had lit up a few times in the lapse of the few seconds I had shown it.
“Very well! I’ll leave you be then, enjoy the tour—I’ll be working on the Watanabe dossier in the meantime.” She nodded and hurried out of the bathroom. Her heels hitting the ground sounded so loud, but I knew it was because I was on edge, I was trying to be hyper aware of everything around me because I had done something I shouldn’t have. Eavesdropping was one thing the man hated, what would he do if he was convinced I looked through the files? He would not be wrong, but the consequences would be awful for me.
Shaking myself back to reality, I placed the briefcase down, clasped my hands on my cheeks and took hold of the case again, “Give it to him, tell him goodbye, leave. Three steps. Easy.” Nodding with conviction, I left the bathroom without looking back and was quickly met with the man in question, leaning against the wall, one foot on it as his arms were crossed over his chest. “There she goes.” He said almost bored with only his condescending smile betraying his true emotion. His eyes drifted to my hips, then took a proper look at my stance before settling on the briefcase, all in a few blinks of an eye. With one gesture of his head, he said, “Let’s go somewhere more private.” As he started walking, I grabbed his arm and stopped him, “Just take it and leave, I haven’t-“ Looked inside, I wanted to continue, hoping he’d believe me. But he cut me off, “But you did.” With that he grabbed my wrist and led me to a blind spot in the corridor, a dead end. As soon as he reached it, he slammed me to the wall and let one hand slide to the briefcase while the other held my shoulder, his arm pressing against my chest to hold me still.
“A curious rat, aren’t we? Tell me, what did you think of it? Are you going to try to stop me?” He drawled, his lips a few breaths away from my face. Keeping my eyes on his, I drifted off topic to avoid answering his question, “Glasses do not make you anonymous. It hardly suits you-“ His laugh interrupted him as he rested his forehead against the wall, next to my face. I caught a whiff of his strong cologne, truly something a business worker would wear. I could hardly tell if it was distinguished or awful. “Use your brain a sec, yeah? I’d say these,” He lifted one hand, not the one from the suitcase, showing me the back of it, “Are anything but lowkey, I don’t fucking care about being recognized.” He started, his eyes switching to something serious instead of the scaring playfulness they’d usually adorn, “It’s those motherfuckers who don’t want to be seen hanging around with people like us-“ After that, his tone dropped, fakely reassuring as he pressed his finger to my mouth, “So don’t fear, no…” He tutted me like a child, then tried to pry my mouth open with his index but was met with my clenched jaw and his finger only brushed my teeth. Ticked off, he let go of my hand and gripped my jaw to force my mouth open so he could press his finger on my tongue, “If you don’t like the glasses, I’ll take them off when I fuck you. Deal?”
I bit him. I bit his finger—and even as I did so, I know I held back. It showed when he did not bleed and instead pulled his finger out with a frown that disappeared as fast as it arrived, “Now, rat. What does your moral compass tell you to do? Unless you got rid of it? That’d be a shame, but truly a good show of character!” Shoving the briefcase in his hands, I glanced at it before looking back at him. “It’s all there-“ “It’s not, you’re lying.” He said simply as he put down the case. His hands clasped around my wrists delicately, so delicately that it made me feel uneasy. Looking at them, he chuckled, “I wonder…” He trailed off before grabbing both my wrists in one hand, holding them over his left shoulder as his now free hand moved to my waist and slid under my suit jacket. I tried to arch my back away from his touch to avoid his hands from touching the gun, but I heard it. I heard his hand wrap around the handle, a short breathy laugh escaping his lips right next to my ear, “What did you plan to do with that, doll?”
“Not letting you keep it.” I grunted, trying to free myself from his grip. “Is that so? Why’s that?” He breathed down my neck, making me tense up. My body stilled even more when I felt the barrel of the gun press against my stomach, “I don’t get it, really. Why would you wanna keep a gun away from me?” He continued, his voice mocking and oozing audacity. I wanted to headbutt him, but I knew it’ll leave some damage on me too, so I had to remain calm. So, I closed my eyes to try as hard I could to calm my fast-racing heart. “Just, keep the gun. Keep everything, I don’t care, it’s not my business. Can you just... tell me if the family knows the girl’s dead?”
A confused sound escaped his lips as he rose a brow inquisitively, “You read the files, don’t play dumb. Hit and run, he never got caught. That’s strong blackmail, that’s why we’re using it.” He explained as a matter of fact. The pressure from the gun on my stomach decreased, but I suddenly felt my wrists being moved as the black and blond-haired man brought them to his face. He brushed his nose against one of them then grinned down at me, “Tell me you’re against this, oh-so-vile and fucked up thing I’m doing.” He played with tones, some words being said theatrically, clearly not caring one bit about what I was saying. His morals were fucked, why would he give any thought to considering his actions longer than necessary? Blackmail got him where he was, why stop now?
Without an answer from me, he dragged his tongue on my wrist, his toothy grin never leaving his face, “Not peeping a squeak, rat? I’m a sick bastard who’s using people’s mistakes against them-“ “He killed someone, call it reckoning, karma or—or consequences, I don’t care. Don’t involve me in this, that’s all I’m asking.” I told him rapidly, my eyes turned away from him. With his lack of reply, I thought I had said something wrong, but instead the man was smiling proudly at me. “Fuck, see! That’s where you are already, great progress. Here,” I felt him let go of my wrist then forcefully turn me so that I was pressed against the wall, my back facing him. Before I could even complain, he lifted my blazer, and I felt the gun graze my lower back. I gasped in fear and closed my eyes until I felt his fingers pull the hem of my pants just enough to slide the gun in, making it stay put. Once it was done, he let go of my clothes and slapped my ass before grabbing the briefcase. I turned around, frustrated; at the same time he spoke, “Keep the gun, you’ll need it later. It was gonna be yours, now there’s your fingerprints all over it anyway.” He shrugged and stood right in front of me, ready to go.
Glaring at him, I brushed the non-existent dust from my outfit and straightened my back. “I don’t want it, I’ve never used a gun in my life, I never planned on using one and I never will-“ “Shut. Up, already.” He punctuated his words all throughout his long sigh, his head tilted back in boredom. Lifting it back to look at me, he added, “What you wanna do, or don’t wanna do, I don’t care. When I tell you to do something, you do it. It’s only fair that I’m letting my assets have something to protect themselves, so you keep the fucking gun and you follow me. Clear?” This was not the crazy man I had seen at the warehouse, it was not the oddly flirty one, but it was not the business man either. It was a man part of a somber corporation that did not have time to waste, he needed to get shit done and quickly. No attitude could be given at this instant. So, I clenched my jaw and gritted through my teeth, “Sure thing, lieutenant.” For a second I thought he’d take me down, a flash of anger crossed his face but did not stay long. That haughty smile was back as he approached me and slung his arm around my shoulders, “Now, doll. Calling me sir was a lot hotter, you should go back to that.” He laughed loudly, making me think it was good he could make himself laugh because I was on the verge of peeing myself in fear.
Not responding, he stopped talking, but kept his arm around my shoulders as he guided me to where he wanted. When he stopped in front of Eisuke’s office, I threw him a fearful glance and tried to push him away, but he kept me close as he unlocked the door with the electronic keycard, opening it wide. His entrance was impudent, cocky, loud, but he did not care. His arm reached out far as the door slammed shut behind us once he had kicked it, so that’s when he let go of me.
The sight greeting me was my superior, Eisuke, tied with zip ties to the beautiful ebony chair, which must have cost quite a fortune. His mouth was gagged by his own tie; they had completely removed it from his collar and balled it up before shoving it in his mouth. His hair, full of sweat already from the little time separating our last encounter, was sticking to his forehead. His white shirt was slowly joining the state of his hair by sticking to some parts of his chest, blood droplets adorning it. His face was covered in cuts and bruises, the tie also had some blood on it. I could see the fear and confusion in his eyes, but I was sure the confusion was mirrored in my gaze. Fear, while very present, had yet to be justified; something in my chest told me I was the one in power here, that I was not going to be beaten up like Eisuke had been.
“Brought her for the fun!” Hanma said loudly. Looking to where he had set his eyes, I saw the pink-haired man from the train sitting on the desk with a huge grin on his lips. Some blood was splattered on his cheek, but it did not wipe the smile off his face, not at all. Lucky for him, his grey suit was intact. He was the opposite of Hanma. While Hanma’s shirt was white, the pink-haired man’s was black and his tie was white while Hanma’s was black. The suits contrasted one another entirely. The biggest contrast, though, was how well-kept they were while a man was bleeding on a chair in front of them—how carefree they were in this situation. If not carefree, overconfident. But was it overconfidence or were they in the right to bask in such sentiments? They had control, they had the power, they were safe…
“Took you long enough, did you fuck or something?” The pink-haired man—I was now struck with the remembrance his name was Sanzu—asked off-handedly, perhaps not even interested in what Hanma had done. “Had my fun for sure, but she’s still here, isn’t she fun?” Hanma replied, pushing me forward with force, almost making me tumble. I balanced myself fast enough, but did not move from where my feet had led me after the push; my eyes did follow Hanma as he joined Sanzu on the desk and lit a cigarette. “Hideshi, my guy, ya know her, yeah? You’re in that state cuz she kept the good stuff, you know, blackmail and shit.” When Eisuke did not reply, Hanma kicked the chair that had been moved in front of the desk, at least a few steps from it, to have Eisuke give some sort of response. The latter nodded fervently, sobs escaping his mouth even through the cloth of his tie. “She’s your-“ the man with the glasses paused, placing the heel of his hand that was holding the cigarette against his forehead as he chuckled. “Your—shit, fuck I forgot.” After a few moments he snapped his fingers from his free hand then looked up, grinning, “Your reckoning, that’s it!”
Seeing Eisuke’s face lit up in confusion, I could only mimic it when I looked at Hanma with furrowed brows. “What do you mean? You could have come to get that briefcase! I said don’t get me involved-'' Sanzu was the one to speak up as he got off the desk and approached me with a patronizing grin, “You thought this was a pick and choose kind of situation?” he shook his head. All my eyes could do was to look at the scars at the corners of his mouth, even if I tried to pry my gaze from it. It made me wonder how he got them, but I did not wonder for long since the man brought the focus back to his words by saying my name loudly, “You should be glad you’re participating already! It’s an opportunity to prove yourself to the king.” Humming, thinking his words were exactly what I needed to hear, he grabbed my hand and made it face palm up, “So here’s what you’re gonna do, woman.” One of his hands moved to the inside of his vest from where he pulled out a cylindrical thing. “You’re gonna shoot him.”
My eyes shot up to his, then Hanma’s—I’d beat myself up later for glancing at him, as if asking for permission, as if asking him to save me from this. He only grinned and huffed out the smoke, one slender hand holding the desk while the other held the cigarette with some elegance as he leaned back lazily. How can something so vile be qualified as elegant? I’d wonder later. But it was not the moment. A second after he had told me to shoot Eisuke, I dropped the weapon to the ground and asked “Why?!” Hanma told me to pick the thing up at the same time when Sanzu replied, “To see what it does-“ Crouching to grab the item, I barked back, “He’ll bleed out! That’s what will happen! I can’t aim for shit, I don’t want to, you should just kill him or-“
Hanma’s voice echoed as he got off the desk and slowly walked up to us, “Kill him? You’re suggesting we kill him? You don’t even know why we’re doing this, bit soon don’t you think?” He was fucking around with me. The smile on his face was proof of it. I don’t know why I had said we—they should kill him. Had I taken pity on his state? Did I want to end his suffering fast? Or was I just avoiding the responsibility of shooting someone? “I didn’t-“
I was getting angrier every time he’d finish my sentence instead of letting me do it. “Mean it? You did, come on, doll.” One large step and he was by my side. His hand moved behind my back, I did not move as his fingers grazed my back slowly, on purpose, almost sensually, only to reach the gun that he pulled out and placed in my hand forcefully, wrapping my fingers on the handle. “You got the silencer; you got the gun.” He started, then stepped back, “Use that little rat brain of yours, and you can do crime without getting caught-“ He interrupted himself and nodded, “Yes, even in an office full of innocent people! How thrilling is that, hm?” Facing him in awe, I was gripping the two items in my hand tight, I could feel that my entire body was freezing, but my hands were starting to sweat, I was cornered.
Stammering, I tried to come up with the proper words to defend myself, to get out of this situation, but it only annoyed Sanzu. Just like Hanma, his personality seemed to do a 180° really quickly. I had guessed it when I felt him grab my hair and pull me towards him, his palm on the nape of my neck as he tilted my head back, fingers threaded through my hair. “You’re chickening out, here, that’ll help.” With that he shoved a pill on my tongue—at first, I tasted the metallic taste of blood on his fingers, then I closed my mouth and pulled out of his hold to spit the pill on the ground. “Don’t fucking drug me! Don’t-“ I lifted the gun and pointed it at him, I was not thinking, I acted because he had caught me off guard, I did not want to shoot. But his stupid smile when I did that irked me, all of them looked at me in disbelief. Not a look of surprise, but one that said they knew I was not going to shoot, and I had messed up by aiming it at him.
The pink-haired man did not move, instead he stuck his tongue out and placed a small medicine tablet on his tongue, but it was no medicine. I was very aware of that. He did not talk, just stood right in front of me, unbothered. I was startled when I felt two hands on my shoulders then felt something brush against my cheek; when I tried to elbow whoever did that, I was stopped and the hand that grabbed my elbow slowly moved to the hand that held the silencer. “Half-way there already, knew you were a quick learner doll.” Hanma breathed right next to me, his cheek against mine. Humming, he let his other hand drag to the one holding the gun and he brought the two of them close, “Stop it, let go! Don’t. Don’t—just don’t.” It did not make sense; I don’t know what I was trying to say. My mind was foggy, adrenaline being the condensation that made it all blurry. My entire body was aware of Hanma’s against it, his hands against mine, his skin touching my face, the unnecessary gentleness in his touch and actions as he guided me. When I tried to lower the weapon, he tutted me and helped me keep it up. “Don’t back down now, that’s not fun.” He said breathlessly as he tapped his finger on my left hand.
“This goes at the end of the gun.” He said in a teacher-like manner. It did not suit him at all, if anything it made him look even more crazy. This man was anything but caring, this situation did not call for such gentle demeanor, yet here he was, smiling proudly as he showed me the gun. I was holding my breath, all too focused on his one that was hitting my collarbone from the angle he was in. Looking down at my hands, I followed his instructions with slightly shaky hands. My eyes kept glancing over at Sanzu who had long since crouched in front of us and was staring at the man they had beaten up; he did not feel threatened one bit by my presence and the gun I had pointed at him. “I don’t want to do this.” I whispered. What was I thinking? That he’d be kind and tell me to stop? That’d never happen, I barely knew the man, but I understood how his mind worked, somehow, sometimes…
His hands tightened around mine for a moment then clasped around my shoulders suddenly as he leaned over, “Of course! We’ll stop!” He exclaimed with a chuckle that froze my entire being when his fingers dug into my shoulders, once more his actions did not match his words. “We’ll stop once you’ve shot him. So, put the gun together and shoot him.” Hanma glanced at Sanzu and quirked a brow, “It takes what? Less than a minute?” the pink-haired man nodded and stood up stretching. “Unless you don’t have the guts to do it, like your girl here.” He said, clasping his hand around the gun once I had put the silencer on. He tried to take the gun from me, but I resisted. Why? I don’t know, but I did. It put a smile on the man’s face as he quickly let go and brought his hands up in a defensive manner, “Like a watchdog! Go ahead, then.” With his hands on my shoulders, Hanma turned me around while Sanzu stood right next to me, giggling like a maniac.
Hanma’s cold hands moved to where my neck and collarbone met, he made sure to slide them under my collar as he gave me a squeeze. I felt chills run down my spine. “You’re doing so well, see—you can change your mind easily with the right incentive-“ “There is no incentive, what do you want from him? I need—I need something, anything!” The tallest crazy man shaped my face with his hands, his chest still against my back, “Trying to justify your actions? Can’t we just do it for fun?” “Hanma, please, I can’t-'' His hands wrapped around my throat delicately, a long sigh escaping his lips as he rested his chin on my head. With a low hum, I felt him chuckle, the air from his nostrils moving some of my hair on my forehead. “We need him out of the chairmen, he’s useless. Paid his way in, so how smart is he really? At best he can bore people into feeling the need to buy some shares to make him shut the fuck up.” It was all said in a serious, if not bored, tone. My body was tense since he had wrapped his hands around my neck, I could feel the slight pressure every time I’d swallow my saliva.
“Not enough.” I uttered in something close to determination. The gun in my hand felt heavy, I was not even sure how I was still holding it—holding was too tame of a word, I was clenching my hands around it, trying the best I could to keep it stable. “He’s not as malleable as you are, look at him-“ Two fingers pressed on each side of my jaw, he made me look at the man properly, “’Looks like a weasel, a man that would crumble under pressure. He already shared so much with us. We don’t need a man like that, he’s been depleted of any worth he had.” He continued, but it was not enough for me. I was not moving, if anything my determination was faltering. I felt like shit, scum, like I was dirty, and I hadn’t done anything yet. “Hurry up already!” Sanzu groaned as he threw his head back—he was back to leaning on the desk and was bored out of his mind.
If that hadn’t startled me, Hanma’s voice next to my ear did, “He killed that poor girl, we can’t let him get away with it, can we?” “I don’t kill, you said shoot him. I’ll do that then I’m free to go, right?”
A sound of surprise escaped his lips as he let go of me and looked at me in awe, “All you needed was that? An eye for an eye and whatnot, that was all?” Meeting Eisuke’s eyes, I faltered once again. But nodded. They said to shoot him, not to kill him, right? I did not have the guts to kill, nor the skills, I had never used a gun before—the most harmful thing I ever did was when I was a kid and accidentally hit my neighbor’s head when he had come to help me plant flowers with my mother. With a shovel. A shovel was not a weapon. A gun was—and I had one in my hands. It was not a situation in which the damage could be fixed with some ointment. It would take stitches, somehow they’d have to have him brought out of here and get him somewhere without anyone seeing the blood… It was doable, this was just a shake down. A violent one- “I can go after this, promise me.” I blurted.
Stepping closer to Eisuke, Hanma walked around him and placed both his hands on the chairman’s shoulders, squeezing them threateningly. “Of course, I promise. We wouldn’t want you to break down just yet. So, get over yourself and shoot.”
I glanced at the man in the black suit, his eyes dead set on mine, a glimmer of delight brightened his face and it looked almost nice. Something he was not. Stress rose, I lowered the gun to the man tied up to the chair, “Mmmhm, one step closer, now the finger.” I heard Hanma coo his instructions, the grin on his face was very present, just like last night as his finger moved in the air, mimicking a trigger and him pushing it. The business man habits had long since been discarded and his manic self was the one I was facing. His chuckle reached my ears, I glanced at him and frowned only to have him bark a laugh, “Do it! Go ahead! Step closer if you need it-” “I don’t need it.” I scoffed.
He did not care much, what a surprise. I saw him open his jacket and reach inside of it to pull out his gun and place it against Eisuke’s temple, “Like that you can’t miss, you even get to redecorate his lame office.” He was almost bored, but that expression left his face when Eisuke started sobbing as he gesticulated the best he could on his chair. Sanzu was grumbling to himself on the side, but I ignored him. My index finger moved on the trigger, barely pressing it, slowly I pushed it- “Finally!” Sanzu exclaimed, stopping me in my actions.
“As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death~” Music started playing from the speakers in the corner of the office, I looked around and glanced over at Sanzu who was grinning proudly, perhaps sadistically too as he pointed from me to Eisuke, “Go ‘head!” He ordered.
Closing my eyes, I pressed the trigger—at the same time,Hanma called my name for me to open my eyes. I had aimed at his leg, that was my goal, but the recoil of the gun made the aim awful; squinting my eyes, I saw the blood that started staining his shirt right over his rib. Panic took over and I dropped the gun. My gaze flickered between the two laughing men, the one with his phone lifted in the air as he sang along, smiling in satisfaction and the one who was walking up to me while clapping with a content smile on his face. I could barely look at him, my eyes could not focus on a straight point, the blood, the gun, my hands shaking, the shoes approaching, the open suit—the arrogant smile. That last one was the one that grounded me for more than a few seconds when I felt a seething rage built up in my chest from the sight.
He bent over to grab the gun from the ground then straightened up and handed it to me, “Well done! Looks like it could even be your first kill-'' In my distress, I cut him off with a rant, “It’s done! Now call an ambulance, or your medics or whatever you call your little gang members-“ The loud bang of a gunshot followed. My first instinct was to look at the gun Hanma had handed me, thinking he had shot me with it, but when I saw and felt I was fine, I looked up at the bastard and saw his smirk. Lifting his hands, the gun was hooked by the trigger guard on his thumb, his hands splayed high to show he didn’t do anything. My eyes widened in realization; I was quick to push him aside to see what Sanzu had done. I could not be more grateful when I felt Hanma’s arms slide under mine from behind to hold me back with his hands clasped together behind my head. “What the fuck did you do!!” I screamed at first, trying to run to the now limp body, but Hanma was strong and kept me on the spot. Nausea followed soon after and I had to look away, my insides feeling weak from the stress that had left my body. One of Hanma’s hands clasped itself on my mouth as he whispered threateningly, “I just praised you for the good work, don’t be a loud bitch now, yeah?”
Instead of fighting against his hold, I just stopped moving and tried to think of anything else but the man that had just been shot dead in front of me. It was different than last night, I knew this man, I had worked with him and I had shot him. Sure, I did not give him the coup de grâce but I had partaken in it, that made the matter worse. With a strict voice, Hanma told Sanzu to cut the music off and gestured to the phone on the desk. The pink-haired nodded and cut the zip ties off the body on the chair before pushing it to the ground and pulling the chair to the desk to sit on it gracefully. “You’re gonna use a nice, sweet, stupid voice and tell the receptionist Eisuke is busy and you’re the one taking good care of him today, understood?” He asked under his breath whether I’d scream again if he removed his hand from my mouth, I shook my head in response. Humming in satisfaction, he let go of me and held me balanced until I could balance myself.
Clearing my throat, I dragged myself to the desk and picked up the phone, my hands clammy and cold at the same time. After a few deep breaths, I waited for the music to fully stop and both men to stop talking before pressing the number for the receptionist. I heard it beep a few times before the person at the desk picked up and happily greeted me. I was quick to talk over them in a fake-enthusiastic tone, “Hi! Just wanted to say Eisuke’s gonna be a bit busy today and maybe tomorrow—depends on how well I take care of him, cancel his meetings-“
The receptionist interrupted with a serious tone, “Could I speak to him? Why isn’t he the one telling me this?” Throwing a panicked look at Hanma, he shrugged and mouthed with a smirk ‘improvise’. All I could do was roll my eyes, my tone was kept slightly higher than usual as I replied, “Well, he’s a bit—tied up right now” I said in a playful tone, images of Eisuke tied on the chair flashing in my head, “If you know what I mean! You know men, ready to do the craziest things at the craziest time, but he pays me well so that’s cool-“ I spoke as fast as possible, making the person feel like I was about to rant for a while and clearly it worked since the receptionist on the other end of the phone was flustered as they quickly told me they’d cancel the meetings and they’d make sure no one interrupts us. Thanking them wholeheartedly, I slammed the phone down to hang up, my expression turned from politely talking on the phone to dead inside. I felt it as my smile fell. “I am leaving now.” Was all I said before walking away from the desk. The annoyance I had felt over this entire situation made me do something I was sure I’d regret, yet I had done it.
As I walked past Hanma, I bumped his shoulder with mine and muttered, “Filthy bastard.” Almost instantly, his big hand clasped on my shoulder to stop me; I turned around suddenly with furrowed brows and was glad Sanzu was busy on the phone, it meant I could have a private conversation with Hanma. “You look mad, doll. Looks like you took it quite at heart here-“ “You fucking shot him!” He grinned at my outburst, “So did you.” Then he added that he hadn’t been the one to do it.
I forced his hand off my shoulder and pushed him with all my force, he only stepped back a little but did not seem bothered by my actions. “You said I should shoot him!! Not kill him!” “And you didn’t kill him, Sanzu did.” About to scream at him once more, I kept my mouth shut after hearing his words. Why was I getting so worked up? What did I expect? Did I expect him to let him walk away after doing all of this to him? Did I expect them to possess any ounce of mercy in them? What was mercy if not a tendril of empathy, something none of them had. “Bit too mad, I didn’t kill someone you loved, did I? So why are you so fucking mad?” He huffed, pushing his jacket back a bit to shove his hands in his pockets to stand tall.
“I’m mad because it was my boss!” “Nah, you don’t care ‘bout him—didn’t.” He quickly mumbled an apology, albeit one that was mocking the man dead on the floor. I racked my brain for something, anything that made sense to justify my anger.
“You said to shoot him!”
“And you did that, we already said that didn’t we?” He asked in fake confusion.
“Then I could walk away!” I added with fervor.
“Which you did. Never said he was.”
“I thought-'' Running my hands over my face, I was getting even more worked up by this fast-paced exchange. Hanma delicately grabbed my hands and put them away from my face, “You thought what? I’d be a nice guy because I didn’t fuck you on the balcony?” My face flushed for some reason, the words flooded from my mouth before I could even think them through, “I trusted you.” We were both fast to realize the words I had uttered. I regretted them instantly and pried my hands from his, pushing him away as I stepped back. Hanma matched my actions but stepped forward, grinning maniacally. Shaking my head, I justified myself, “I don’t, I didn’t, never plan to. I meant I thought you had-“ “Sympathy?” He inquired, the tip of his fingers placed under my chin to lift it, “Pity?” He leaned over; his face so close to mine I could feel his breath on my lips. “Generosity?” He huffed a laugh, “I am generous, oh yes. I love to give,” with one swift movement, his lips were by my ear, and he whispered, “But if you ever feel generous too, I can never refuse a gift.”
Why did my breath hitch? I moved my hand to push him away, but my fingers curled around the hem of his tight vest. That moment was short, it barely lasted a few seconds, but I realized the wrongness of my action quickly and shoved him from me. His laugh echoed as he balanced himself again, he did not follow me when I walked to the door. “I need to keep this job, don’t get caught... don’t let my fingerprints-'' Looking around to find my gun—the gun I had been given, I corrected myself, not liking what I had thought. Once I saw it in the front of Hanma’s pants, I walked up to him and grabbed it quickly before walking away, he laughed once more, whistling in a way that resembled a catcall and amazement. “Already liking your new toy? Keep it at all times close by, you never know when you’ll need it now that you killed someone.” He winked. His eyes were not leaving mine and he was not moving, but the look he was giving me was carnal. I did not know whether he wanted to put a bullet in my brain or fuck me against the wall. Logic told me the former, but how long could I cling to logic with those people who seemed dead set on defying it simply by acting to their heart’s content?
Flipping him off, the last words I spoke to him were, “I’m not a killer, I have empathy, fuck both of you.” With that I slammed the door shut and the next things all happened in a blur. My brain was flooded by all sorts of chemicals, adrenaline was the main one, I was clumsy from all the energy it had given me, or at least it had woken me up for sure. It felt like I had a fever, I was feeling weird all over but I could not ignore how alive I felt too, it scared me. Opting to take the stairs to not be too alone with my thoughts in the elevator, I reached my floor and walked past my junior whose head rose upon seeing me. I could hear her call out for me, but all I wanted was to take my bag and leave, take a day off, I needed it—a poke on my forearm. I turned around rapidly and saw Rai with her sweet smile, “How was it!”
Nausea hit me, how was the visit with the murderous man? The tall handsome one, as she’d described it. What could I say but, “The usual questions about the firm. Little anecdotes about the coffee machine, small talks really.” It was anything but that. It broke all the codes of small talks, of usual, it was hectic, awful, illegal and while you forgot small talk, this was something I could never ever forget. “He looks very hot! Did you see those tattoos? Did you get his number?” ‘I did’ was the answer to both her questions, I however wished I could say I didn’t. I wish I had not met him last night, wish I was still in my silly little routine away from this chaos. But I said, “One can dream, I am sure he is taken.” A polite chuckle. I grabbed my bag and nodded at her, “If you’ll excuse me, I need a day off. I feel quite nauseous, probably from something I ate last night.” The fucking concrete? That sure was something I ate many times from all the times he threw me on it.
“Of course, of course! Take care, I will see you tomorrow.” She smiled. I mirrored, even if inside all I wanted was to go home, pass out and forget about all of this. But I knew deep down that nothing would return to normal and also wondered when would they find out about Eisuke… Tomorrow? In 3 days? A week? Many questions crossed my mind as I walked out of my office. When I crossed the glass door at the entrance, I looked back at the building and up at Eisuke’s office. The curtains were wide open, and the two men were standing by the glass frame, a glass in hand I believe? It made me sick to see how little concerned they were of the situation. Shaking my head, I turned around and walked to the subway, my phone vibrating in my pocket startling me in the process.
Looking at the message, I huffed a laugh that turned into a worried one, regretting laughing at it. It read,
H. : Feel free to join us for a drink, it’s a real party. I can see you looking.
Perhaps I had laughed at how inappropriate it was, after all a body was laying at their feet in that very room. I thought it preferable not to answer him right away and put my phone away until I reached my house; this time, there was no pink-haired man with me on the subway but even so, I felt like I was being watched, it was impossible to think it stupid since I had been followed already once. Not one possibility felt more strange than the other, and there were no incidents at all until I reached my house.
No one was there, of course... but when I tried to unlock my door, my key did not fit. Taking a moment, I tried again, making sure it was the right direction for the key. Nothing worked. I ran my hand down half of my face and smiled in frustration, “It’s not him, I must have taken the wrong key. It’s not-'' Shoving my keys in my bag, I grabbed my phone and pressed Hanma’s contact to call him, “Who am I kidding, of course it’s him.” I laughed, tired and frustrated as the phone rang.
The man picked up in no time, smugness rolling off his tongue, “What is it, doll? Is it a confession-call to tell me how much you love bad boys-“ “My lock, my keys do not fit.” I stated as a matter of fact. He knew what I was talking about, but I heard him move before hearing the smile on his lips, “Is that some sort of fancy way to say your fingers don’t fit your pussy? If that’s the case, I’ll gladly help-“ “You changed my locks! I know you did, you’re crazy enough to do that. You just had to fix what you had broken! So why did you-“
“It’s an upgrade. I fixed what I broke, didn’t I?” He asked rhetorically before adding in a darker tone, “I love breaking things, get used to it. Odds are I’ll break you soon enough, but we know how malleable you are, so I’ll build you right back up—we’ll just add a pinchof crazy, for entertainment’s sake, yeah?” I would not break, at least I did not want to, but who was I to be so sure about something such as mental strength? He seemed well-versed in breaking people’s minds, a skill one should fear about him, other than his mental instability. “The key, where is it?” I asked, ignoring his promise.
Hanma hummed, I heard a jingle of keys on his side of the line. “Well, I do have my own key here, yours should be in an envelope in your mailbox. Can’t wait for those late-night visits!” “Good, fuck you. Have a good day.” I spat before hanging up and getting everything where he had said it was and entering the door. With one quick swoop around my house, I made sure nothing was out of place and that no one was inside, before locking everything and moving to my balcony to have some fresh air. I had thrown my bag on the couch on my way out and took a large intake of air once on the balcony.
With my elbows now resting on the railing, my eyes locked on my hands while I rubbed them together from how cold it was, still in the morning. Too much had happened in too little time, I barely had time to take anything in. I did not know what was the next thing they’ll ask of me, nor when. Hanma kept threatening he’d break me, but I was still standing for now, yet I still felt like something bad was about to happen. My chest was heavy, like I was drowning. All these actions I was about to commit in the name of an organization I did not know, how far will they push me? It had started off too strong. I now feared what I was capable of under their pressure. I feared I would follow his orders, no matter what they were and even if I justified my actions, I would not notice how deep in I’d be until it’s too late.
I knew something was going on, like droplets falling from the ceiling. I put a bucket underneath, I try to justify everything, to tell myself it’ll be alright, that I won’t break… But soon enough the bucket will overflow and I’ll be in too deep, I’ll be part of them forever. I don’t want that, do I? Don’t ‘do I?’ yourself, you don’t want that! I reprimanded myself before sighing. “This won’t do, what am I supposed to do?” Looking off to the side, I saw the cigarette crushed in my flower pot, a reminder of last night. A flash of his slender hands around the filthy cigarette as he looked at me with that arrogant, confident look. Another dry scoff escaped my lips as I pushed myself from the railing and mumbled, “Guess I’ll buy an ashtray, maybe a knife too.”
“Good idea! It’ll be better for your plants, really.” Someone’s voice echoed inside my house as I stepped back in. “Now the knife’s bit a stupid since you got a gun.”
“Who the fuck are you!?”
[To be continued]
25 notes · View notes