#apparently i have a lot of gifs i haven't posted yet so i'm catching up

[hgejfmw-hgejhsf]

Fic Writer Interview

So I decided to snag this from @sparklepocalypse and fill it out because I'm cozy on my couch on New Year's Eve and fighting off a nap like a grumpy toddler. I'm actually fairly certain I've done this one before, now that I think about it, but oh well. The numbers are different since last time, so...

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

60, apparently! 61 being posted later today!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 

178,579

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Ghosts

Do we still have forever

Volume Control

Retaliation

Modification to the map of you

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I respond to each and every comment that I receive. I try very hard to leave a personalized message for each person, but no matter what, even if it's just a "thank you," I will always respond! Even if it takes me some time!

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

To this day, the angstiest ending is Darkest before the dawn, which ends with hope, even if it doesn't end with an actual resolution. It's during canon, so the reader know what happens next.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I think my most recent Christmas fic, Oh what a laugh it would have been, has probably now overtaken one of my previous fics for overall happiest ending!

7. Do you write crossovers?

I haven't yet, but I'm absolutely open to it given the write parameters!

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I haven't yet, and I hope I never do, although I know that the internet can be a wild place.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

If you'd asked me back in July of this year, I would have said that I primarily write fade to black. Since then, I've written ridiculous amounts of smut. I'm still learning about various kinks I'd like to write about, because I don't want to just write without knowledge of the act itself, but I'm wading into the smut-verse now. I'd say the water's up to my knees, at this point. Got a ways to go.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, not that I've been made aware of, but I think it would be so neat.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't but catch me and @thinkof-england cowriting something amazing now that the new year has arrived.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Y'all are gonna need to sit down for this. I don't think you're ready. Deep breath in. Hold it. Now let it out slowly. Calm your mind. Are you ready? Okay because I know this is going to come as a shock to you when I say that it's FirstPrince.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

A Star Trek fic with Jim Kirk x an OC. I started it back in the spring and then RWRB happened and now it's just languishing away in my docs at just shy of 18,000 words.

15. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told that I have realistic dialogue, so I'll count that as a strength. I also think I'm pretty skilled at metaphors. Love a good metaphor.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

The description of surroundings, including clothing and scenery. I feel like I don't do enough of this sometimes, and I'm trying to better at painting a proper picture.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I've done so! Lots and lots of research and consultation with native speakers to confirm accuracy.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Pirates of the Caribbean, apparently.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

There isn't really one out there. I'm super content with the permanent campsite I've built in FP land. Hopefully I'm allowed to hang out there for quite some time.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

How am I supposed to pick a favorite out over 60 fics?!

I suppose if I absolutely HAD to pick right now, right this second, I'd say Ghosts, because the prompt for it as my first ever reader-submitted prompt on a comment from another fic. The reader enjoyed my fic so much that they asked if I'd write another, and Ghosts it what came of that interaction. I loved writing it and sharing it not just with that reader but with the fandom as a whole.

Gonna post my tag list for anyone who wants to participate!

@adreamareads @affectionatelyrs @anincompletelist @cha-melodius @clottedcreamfudge @cricketnationrise @daisymae-12 @duchessdepolignaca03 @gayrootvegetable @getmehighonmagic @happiness-of-the-pursuit @heybuddy-drabbles @indomitable-love @indestructibleheart @inexplicablymine @kiwiana-writes @leaves-of-laurelin @leojfitz @littlemisskittentoes @lizzie-bennetdarcy @magicandarchery @ninzied @priincebutt @read-and-write- @rockyroadkylers @roseharpermaxwell@ships-to-sail @songliili @ssmtskw @statueinthestonetoo @stereopticons @suseagull04 @thinkof-england @tintagel-or-cockleshells@user-anakin @vanillahigh00 @violetbaudelaire-quagmire @whimsymanaged @wordsofhoneydew 

#fic writer interview #rwrb fic #rwrb fanfic #rwrb fanfiction #my fics #my writing #my wips

[red-riding-wood]

Back from Hiatus

Trigger warning? I think? Brief mentions of medical stuff, nothing graphic. Oh, and death (but none occurred).

TLDR if you don't want to read seven paragraphs: Physical health bad, mental health bad, now hospitalised, fucked up when transferring my story files, hospital bad, home soon?, regardless you will be seeing me back in your feed probably more than you'd like

Rambling below cut

So, about a month ago I had to take a step back from Tumblr... and then an even bigger step back from Tumblr, because I had taken a step back from writing and I found that I just pressured myself too much to write and post when I did use the app. (I did my best to save your guys' stories in my drafts to read later but... I may have missed some and I definitely have some catching up to do.)

Why did I take a hiatus from writing? Well, that was due to my physical health declining in a real bad way. I won't get into it too much here, because I would end up telling a dramatic yet probably honestly boring story of the last four years of my life, but I'm willing to answer any questions if anyone's curious.

Anyway, that sent my head into a state of just utter... fear, I suppose. It's very difficult to care or focus on anything else when death is literally on your mind, and I was also in this weird state of limbo because I wasn't sure if I would be going to hospital or dying or what... so I didn't write, or really do anything except try to take care of myself the best I could. And I pretty much just isolated.

I've been in hospital a couple days now. The fear of death has lessened, and I think I'm gonna be okay, though I'm straight up not having a good time. I had this idea that what would get me through it was writing, so I sent myself all of my docs for my WIPs. Thing is, I keep shortcuts to them on my desktop, and apparently they don't save changes to the root file?? A lesson I learned after I showed up and found that massive chunks of my writing, notes, and storyboards were missing. Yeah, I fucked up.

But now there is talk of outpatient care as soon as this Friday which means I can maybe go home with my TPN (feeding through a vein tube which is the best way I can describe it since I am not a medical professional; it's basically a hardcore IV and I assure you it's badass and exactly like Cyberpunk 2077 -- that was sarcasm but seriously, props to anyone who lives with these because these are terrifying). If that's the case, I'll be able to carry on with White Ribbon and the fics I had started for Darjeeling and Budapest, and it will probably be a lot easier for me to write in general. I haven't tried writing yet, but hospital is a really uncomfortable environment for me (I mean, I'm sure it is for most people but I have a lovely lifetime dose of trauma on top of the usual) and I'm not managing as well as I thought I would so I have my doubts on how well I will be able to focus. (Don't worry about requests, guys... I haven't forgotten about any of them and I still fully intend to fulfill them, even if it means writing your smutty fantasies in hospital.)

If that's not the case, and I'm stuck here until surgery, well, I am willing it into the damn universe that I'm gonna write again regardless. So if you don't see me post something in the next week you have my blessing to send copious amounts of hate mail.

Thank you for reading my long-winded explanation. Oh, and, don't hesitate to message/reach out or tag me in anything! I'm feeling more social again now that I'm not, you know, dying and stuff.

#updates #i think i should be diagnosed with a rambling disorder this was meant to be like two paragraphs

[sofiaherzen]

Caitlin Fitzgerald as Serena Wolcott in UnReal

#caitlin fitzgerald #caitlin fitzgerald edit #CaitlinFitzgeraldedit #CFitzgerald #cfitzgeraldedit #unrealedit #unreal #unreal s3 #serena wolcott #she's so pretty #apparently i have a lot of gifs i haven't posted yet so i'm catching up

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Trickster: an Ethari theory

I've had yea many Ethari headcanons, and I hope I live to have yea many more. Most of them are probably wrong, or incomplete at best. But boy are they fun.

I love to wonder what Ethari will really be like in canon when we get to know him for more than 3 minutes, but whoever he really is on his own, he will have an effect on Runaan , Rayla, and everyone who loves him, because they love him.

The first headcanon I can remember having for "Tinker" was that he could be like Leonardo da Vinci: a genius, creative, surrounded by beautiful ideas given shape by his hands, but also capable of creating deadly weapons, enchantments, and devices with equal beauty, and perhaps not really seeing where the line between them was. It was fun, but Ethari has ended up far softer than my headcanon, and I love and support him in his softness!

After a nice string of Ethari headcanons, this year I've started poking at the Trickster archetype and seeing if it applies to him. And I think it absolutely does!

Tricksters often seem like Chaos. But they're not. They're just Difference. "Chaos" is subjective. Like the "divergent" in "neurodivergent." Who says? Divergent from what, exactly? Perspective matters, and Tricksters have a very broad take on things which allows them to think outside any box people might try to invite them into.

My enjoyment of Loki has brought all kinds of ideas to my dash with the arrival of the Loki show. I've got a copy of the Edda, and I highlighted the hell out of it a couple of years ago as I searched for the roots of Loki's origin story. (It's truly fascinating reading and the symbolic language hidden inside their poetry is dazzlingly amazing and I'm super using it sometime just so you know)

Loki is a Trickster, and he's far from alone in myth and legend. Anansi, Coyote, and Sun Wukong are some you may have heard of. Aaravos is another, of course. Tricksters can be called upon to lend aid and wisdom when the rules don't have an answer for some extraordinary circumstance which the Trickster's people find themselves in. But that's not because they are truly outside the rule of order. They are actually a part of it. They are the catch-all for when the everyday ordinary rules fail people, and something "unthinkable"--in the literal sense--might just hold the answer.

This post crossed my dash today, and something finally clicked in my head, and all of this coalesced from what felt like separate places. But they're not separate, not anymore! Serotonin, baby. It's basically upped my headcanon to a full-blown theory.

What caught my eye was an answer to why Ethari's clothing is so determinedly asymmetrical, compared to Runaan's specifically, but Moonshadows in general. It's because of this:

Long protective sleeves below patterns on shoulders. A high collar paired with a bright and noticeable swoop around the neck. Fine detailing and graceful taste. Asymmetrical tunic point on the left, below broad strappy leather. Knee high boots with stylish protective gaiters.

And let's not forget the curling horns! In some comics, Loki has a broken horn. So does Ethari.

Yes, there is a lot of similarity here, but I'm not focused so much on the visuals as the reason they were chosen. Feel free to consider other aspects of Ethari's personality and how they might be similar to certain parts of Loki's. I did! But I wouldn't be me if I didn't go deeper than that.

My favorite book in the universe (so far) is Lois McMaster Bujold's The Curse of Chalion, and one of the many reasons why is because of her pantheon. It holds five gods, represented by a hand: Father, Mother, Son, Daughter, and Bastard. The first four all have their roles and places. The Bastard--the thumb--inherits everything else. He is the god of all things that do not belong to any other gods, and that includes self-sacrificing vengeance and queerness. He is a Trickster, and his influence on Cazaril's life is far deeper than at first glance. Chaos has its place. It belongs, and so do the Tricksters who engender it. God, I love this book. Please read it if you haven't. Bujold's work is amazing.

If you've seen or read any version of MDZS/Untamed, you know that Wei WuXian is a trickster. Competent and badass in battle, but playful and teasing to the point where sometimes even he isn't sure what he truly wants, he can bring a massive amount of power and focus when he wants to. It's always a matter of "but is it important to me?"

I love WWX so much. The Trickster vibe is very apparent in his character, and in a way you just don't get in Western media. We see him on his own, and we see him with family and loved ones. And he's always feeling something so intensely! He's driven by his emotions, for good or ill. He vibes with chaos, and he will create it if it doesn't exist yet. But he will also create family from nothing, and that's something you don't see enough of! WWX is a Trickster with an emotional preference for joy.

In TDP, Ethari doesn't have a lot of lore yet. It's being Moonshadowed because spoilers for future seasons, and I respect that. The longer the wait for S4, the more ideas I will just amuse myself with in the meantime--and yeah, this is one of them, so what? :))) But we do know a little about him.

He loves music. He loves to read. He leaves his mark on things in swirly form. He works very hard, even through headaches, because what he's doing is that important to him, even though he would much rather be making jewelry. He loves taking the time to polish rough stones into brilliant jewels, and he adores big pretty flowers and had them at his wedding.

Ethari has a temper, but he also loves puns. The weapons he crafts are exquisite: "light, elegant, strong, and clever." And he knew darn well that Runaan was trying to flirt with him, but why return a sentiment he may or may not feel yet when he can play with the overly earnest assassin just a little bit first?

Okay, just... A "simple craftsman" deciding that it's going to be fun to toy for a bit with a broody assassin's feelings? Would you risk that? Ethari got balls the size of the moon, and a brain to match. When he has to make weaponry, he does not half-ass it. Ethari's stabby creations nearly have a life of their own. His creations are literally called "trick weapons." This elf is a lot, okay. And it's possible that he doesn't even know how "a lot" he is. Yet.

We're meeting Ethari after he's found something that is, in fact, genuinely important to him: Runaan, and Rayla, and Laindrin too. Ethari has found a relatively stable place to settle and find a role to adopt. I say adopt, though, because making weaponry for his loved ones is not what he grew up wanting to do. It's what he had to do to keep them safe, once he found a place to bestow his heart.

But in the show, Ethari has lost his family, one by one. First Lain and Tiadrin, ghosted. Then Runaan, supposedly fallen on his mission. Then Rayla, ghosted for abandoning Runaan. He and Rayla have reconnected now, but the rest of his family is still out of his reach. If Rayla has indeed told him, by S4, what she learned at the Moonhenge in TTM, then Ethari may parallel Rayla's journey to seek answers. But even if he doesn't know yet, and gets pulled into some other story arc first, we will be seeing Ethari without his family.

Remember the ATLA episode "Zuko Alone"? Consider: "Ethari Alone."

Ethari has chosen, for love, to fit himself into a box that wasn't of his own making. And now that box has broken. His family doesn't need him to be their craftsman anymore. Perhaps others will need him to be other things to them. Or perhaps he will know that his family does need him, but to be far more than just a maker of pretty swords. A rescuer, perhaps. A healer, a guide? An avenger?

A trickster. Capable of taking many shapes, because he understands them all. Ethari works with form and function. If he needs to transform himself, he will.

That's what Tricksters do. It's delightfully queer and delightfully neurodivergent. Ancient peoples accepted and revered the different among them and actively sought their help with things they themselves struggled with.

Tricksters are Difference. Sometimes that manifests as chaos, sometimes as genius. But if you do not love and appreciate your chaos, it will absolutely turn on you. Wei Wuxian did. Loki certainly has, many times. Perhaps Aaravos is doing so as well.

I cannot wait to see what Ethari does with his difference. I have something very specific that I hope he goes and breaks.

All this from a picture of Tom Hiddleston in his Avengers 1 Loki costume? Yeah. Because Ethari was designed to wear asymmetrical clothing, in a Moonshadow culture that prides itself on balance. Sure, there are some other Moonshadows who wear this or that asymmetrical item, and I do love to see it. But Ethari has the most asymmetrical lines of them all. The meta glee I feel knowing that Moonshadow elves are designed to hold many layers of meaning in their appearances--that the writers, creators, and character designers just flexed with them--is truly a delight.

Ethari is asymmetrical. The full and practical application of that is a glass casket, and I hope it becomes a gift that keeps on giving, because boy do I want to keep receiving it. But right now, I'm genuinely seeing evidence of the Trickster archetype in him. And I really hope it gets to come out and play.

#tdp #tdp theory #ethari #trickster #tdp speculation #yes this means a whole new category for ruthari opposites #order and chaos #ethari and order are both on runaan's list of likes #but ethari is higher so #loki #wwx #wei wuxian

[helloalycia]

cheater [three] | kara danvers

summary: Kara catches on to the way you're distancing yourself from her and tries to get to the bottom of it.

warning/s: none (I think?).

author's note: This is the final part to the mini imagine so I hope you like it! I'll be posting a lena one tomorrow :)

part one | part two | masterlist | wattpad

A few weeks had passed since Anna had spoken to me, and in those few weeks, I had become more aware of how I was treating those I cared about. Specifically, Kara.

I still hung out with her and spoke to her, obviously, but I was cautious as to how much of myself I was giving out. I didn't want to appear reliant, clingy or annoying towards her. She didn't deserve that and I didn't want to risk her leaving me because of it. We still went out for lunch and hung out at each other's flats, but it was less frequent than usual. Anytime I thought I was inputting my opinion into her life, I drew back. If we were hanging out, I cut it a little shorter. I didn't want her to feel trapped.

I thought it was going well, really well actually. I thought I was doing it right, having her as a friend without suffocating her with my apparent power to over-care. But then she confronted me about it and I knew I'd screwed up.

I was photocopying something when she approached me, cornering me in against the photocopier.

"Hey," I greeted her, smiling politely before realising she wasn't smiling back. "What's up?"

"I'm hoping you can tell me," she said, crossing her arms.

"I don't understand."

She sighed, her blue eyes staring back at me with confusion. "Did I do something wrong? Have I upset you somehow? Are you angry at me?"

I immediately shook my head, stepping forward to place a hand on her crossed arms. "Kara, no, of course not! What's made you think that?"

She breathed out through her nose, uncrossing her arms. "You've been very withdrawn recently. I feel like I may have offended you somehow."

I pursed my lips, feeling my face go warm. "You haven't... I don't understand. Things are good between us. We hang out. We talk."

"Barely," she added. "You seem off with me. Distant."

I tried to laugh it off. "Kara, I don't get it. I'm fine!"

Her blue eyes darkened as she searched my expression curiously. "No, you aren't... I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong."

I gave her a knowing, albeit, nervous look. "Kara."

She shook her head, jaw locked with certainty. I tried to walk away, but she blocked my exit by stepping in front of me. I tried to side step her, but she simply followed, cornering me in with the photocopier.

"Kara, this is stupid and you know it," I complained, no longer joking now.

"What's stupid is how you've been acting lately," she said, just as seriously. "What is going on with you?"

I upheld her stare, determined not melt under her gaze and give in. I tried again to get out of that corner, but she was too quick and way stronger than me, so she stopped me every time. I sighed, feeling my stomach twist uncomfortably.

"It's not a big deal," I said quietly, avoiding her eyes.

"What isn't?"

I chewed the inside of my cheek nervously, before realising I had no other choice but to tell her the truth. I couldn't lie to Kara – she'd see right through me.

"Anna spoke to me a few weeks ago," I said, in a nonchalant way, hoping Kara would realise it wasn't an issue. "She told me she loved me still and wanted to get back together."

Kara's expression faltered as she widened her eyes with surprise. "What?"

"It was dumb on her part," I explained, feeling a sudden urge to let Kara know I wasn't interested. "I've moved on."

Kara pursed her lips with concentration as I continued.

"I reminded her that she cheated on me and she basically told me why," I said, giving a small smile to hopefully refute the pain that was returning in my heart. "I am apparently too loving to those I care about."

"What?"

I breathed out slowly, losing my smile. "She said I was too good. Too perfect. Too caring. I was too suffocating and so I pushed her away. It's dumb because I know I shouldn't care what she says, but it stuck with me."

Kara had an unreadable expression and I began to feel guilty.

"Look, Kara, I'm really sorry," I said, meeting her eyes. "I never wanted to make you feel like you were doing something wrong. I just, I thought that if I backed off a little... you know, gave you some space. Cared a little less. That you might stay around. I didn't... I didn't want to risk pushing you away like I did with Anna. I'm... I'm really sorry..."

I waited for a response, verbally or even a hint of an expression, but she simply stared at me with frozen eyes. I genuinely thought I'd screwed up, that she was fed up of my shit and was ready to call it a day with our friendship. Instead, she said nothing and stormed off angrily.

"Kara!" I called after her, before following her down the hall.

She was quick, as she manoeuvred around everybody, eyes searching the offices for somebody, I didn't know who. I kept calling her, trying to catch up to her but bumping into several colleagues instead. What was she up to?

"You!"

I saw as she found who she was looking for – Anna – and widened my eyes, realising what would happen.

"You are the most selfish, egotistical, manipulative woman I have ever met!" she yelled, storming towards Anna and getting in her face. "How dare you make Y/N question her relationships, our friendship!"

"What the hell are you talking about, Danvers?" Anna growled, pushing Kara back.

Kara seemed furious as I finally reached them. People were beginning to take notice of the two angry women and I managed to step between them before things escalated further.

"Woaaaaah, Kara, calm down," I said, blocking her vision of Anna and instead trying to get her to look at me. "Kara."

"You didn't deserve her." Kara glared daggers to Anna just before I managed to drag her away.

Reluctantly, Kara followed as I led her to a deserted conference room – anywhere to get away from Anna and what I was sure would soon be a fist fight if I hadn't stepped in.

"Kara, what the they hell?!" I shouted after closing the door.

Kara's jaw was clenched with anger as she shook her head. "I never liked her! She's always thought she was the best! That she could have anything she wanted!"

"Kara!"

"She hurt you!" she yelled, finally meeting my eyes. "It's her fault, all of this!"

My mouth closed as I breathed out through my nose, trying to find some way to argue her point, but she was right.

"She cheated because she's a horrible person, not because you care too much," she said with certainty. "One of the best things about you, Y/N, is that you care as much as you do. You make people feel seen and you make them feel good. And that isn't a bad thing at all!"

I felt embarrassed as she spoke, mostly because when she said it, it seemed right. Like I couldn't question it at all and that everything I thought about myself was false. Kara always sounded so certain that one couldn't help but want to believe her.

"She is hurting you even when you let her go," she said, swallowing hard. "She never deserved you, Y/N. And I hate that she's made you doubt yourself."

I didn't think Kara cared this much, yet she seemed so invested and it made me feel good, to know I had someone who actually cared.

"She never deserved you," she stated, her eyes glassy. "I'm sorry for shouting and getting angry, but she never did."

"Kara..."

Seeing her this upset made me feel guilty, and also hurt. I didn't think it would have this much of an effect on her.

"You're a great person, Y/N, one of the best I know. And you deserve someone who can see that. Someone like..." She paused, locking her jaw as she glanced at the ceiling before meeting my eyes. "Someone like me."

It took me a moment to realise what she'd said, and when I made sense of it, I was taken aback.

"Someone... someone like you?"

"Yes," she said, blue eyes softening as each second passed.

I felt my heart beating quickly the longer she stared, and it only intensified when she stepped closer to me, enough for me to feel the warmth of her skin.

Her eyes darted to my lips very obviously and I found myself drawn to hers, wanting to feel them against mine. She raised her hand, pressing it to my cheek, causing me to look her in the eyes again.

"How long?" I got out, feeling stupid for not realising sooner.

She licked her lips. "A long time."

I didn't know what to say, how to respond to that. It made sense though, now that I thought about it. Especially with how protective she'd been over me when it came to Anna. I thought it was her being a good friend, but it was a lot more than that.

Her other hand rested on my waist, sending shivers up my spine, before she moved closer and pressed her lips against mine. I closed my eyes and let her, resting a hand on her chest and returning the kiss.

I didn't realise how much I'd wanted to kiss her until now when it was actually happening. She was gentle yet passionate and I knew that she'd been bottling this up for awhile now, since she was kissing me like she was afraid it would be the first and last.

We pulled away soon enough, to my dismay, and I found myself staring into her pools of blue, attempting to puzzle together the confusion that was my brain.

"I think...," she spoke gently, her breath tickling my lips because of how close we still were. "I think that you deserve better than her. That you deserve me. And I'm here. If you want me."

I was still catching my breath as she looked between my eyes, calm and collected. I didn't know what to say – everything was happening quickly, too quick for me to keep up.

"And if you don't, which it seems you don't," she continued, stepping back and smiling awkwardly, "I can be your friend. Though that might be a little strange now."

I watched as she backed up awkwardly, nearing the door.

"Kara, that's not it," I spoke, earning her attention. "I don't– I don't know what to say. This happened quite fast and... I'm still trying to acknowledge the fact that you, well, you like me."

"I didn't mean to confuse you," she said, pressing her lips together as she nodded. She opened the door and glanced at me. "I'll go. Sorry if this messed things up. I just couldn't hold it in any longer and you deserved to know the truth."

I watched as she smiled once more before leaving. I tried to think of something to say to stop her, but I was still tongue-tied. And then she was gone.

***

I knocked on Kara's door and waited impatiently for her to answer. I could barely keep still, all of my thoughts wanting to burst out of my head. I had so much to say to her and I was never good with my words, but I didn't have time to write this down – I had to let her know how I felt.

She finally answered the door and seemed confused, but she smiled nonetheless.

"Hey, Y/N..."

"I should have come sooner, but my mind has only just decided to co-operate with my heart, so I'm here now," I explained, knowing it didn't quite make sense when I said it aloud.

She nodded slowly, still staring at me with furrowed eyebrows. She stood to the side, signalling for me to come in and I did, glad to not be stood in the same spot.

When she closed the door, I spun around and breathed out.

"You want a drink?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, no, I just need to tell you this," I said, cutting straight to the point. "You've helped me through a lot, and it probably would have taken a lot longer for me to be okay after everything that happened with Anna if it wasn't for you."

Kara nodded, looking like she wanted to speak, but thankfully, she let me continue.

"I care about you a lot, Kara. I do. I don't want to lose you, not now that I know what it's like to have you in my life. I thought that the way I cared about you was platonic. But then you told me everything you did and you kissed me and it was... it was perfect." I breathed out slowly. "I don't want to lose that."

"Why do you keep saying that?" Kara finally spoke up, shaking her head. "Why do you think I'm going to leave?"

I chewed on my lower lip as I glanced at my shoes. "As I said yesterday, I tend to care too much and evidently, that makes people want to leave. Or in my case, cheat."

"And as I said yesterday, that's completely false," she said, grabbing my hand and squeezing it gently. "I would never do that to you."

"I'm not saying you will," I said, shaking my head. "I just, I don't want you to think that... god this doesn't make sense..." I groaned to myself. "I know what I want to say, but it makes no sense."

"Tell me what you're scared of," she said sternly, eyes glued to mine with a look of determination. "Tell me exactly what you're thinking, Y/N."

I avoided her eyes as I tensed my jaw nervously. "You're not like her... I know you're not." I rolled my eyes at how silly I sounded. "But I overthink. And I can't help but wonder if it'll happen again. We might get together and it might be great, but then I'll do something wrong and you'll get tired. And I don't think... I don't think I could take that. Especially if it meant losing you."

"Y/N, are you going to look at me?"

I reluctantly raised my head to meet her eyes.

"Do you remember when we first met?" she asked, her blue eyes sparkling beautifully.

I wondered what relevance that had, but I nodded. "Yeah... you showed me around when I first got the reporter job. You were Miss Grant's assistant back then."

She smiled reminiscently. "Exactly. And do you remember when we first properly hung out?"

I nodded. "You asked if I wanted to get coffee together because we had the same break."

"Yep. And what about when we exchanged numbers?"

"Kara, I don't understand wha–"

"Just answer," she said, giving me a knowing look. "I have a point."

"Okay... you asked me to add your number when you said you couldn't find your phone and I rang it off mine. It was under your desk."

"And do you really think I misplaced my phone under my desk?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow.

I pulled a face. "Well... now that you say it aloud, it sounds kinda dumb."

"Uh-huh. Now, what about the first time we hung out outside of work?" she asked, smiling at me adorably now.

I was growing agitated, mostly confused at what her point was. Nonetheless, I answered. "We were tracking down some contacts for an article and finished pretty late. You asked me if I wanted Potstickers at a place you know."

"Okay, I know you wanna slap me for all these questions, so I'll cut to the point," she said with an amused smile. "One more question though. Do you know what all of those instances have in common?"

I sighed. "No idea, Kara."

She began to play with my fingers between her hands as she chuckled. "It was me who asked you everything. I initiated our friendship always. I always wanted to hang out. One may argue that I am the clingy one in our friendship."

She was smiling knowingly, but I was still confused.

"What?"

She laughed at my expression. "Your fear? Of being the overly-caring one? Of pushing me away because you're too involved? It's been proven wrong by the likes of me. It's impossible for me to leave because I'm the one who doesn't leave you alone. I'm the one who wants to be around you."

I realised what she was saying and didn't know how to respond. Once again, Kara Danvers had a way of sounding right and making me feel wrong. I had no choice but to believe her words.

"That time I asked you to go out with me for coffee? That was when I began to like you," she admitted. "And the time I asked you to get Potstickers, that was when I fell in love with you. Which, by the way, is another thing you should consider. I'm in love with you, Y/N. And I know you probably don't feel the same, but you should know. Because that means I loved you first, which means, once again, I'm being super clingy."

I felt my lips lifting into a suppressed smile as she watched me confidently, a comforting smile on her lips.

"I'm here, if you want me," she said seriously, though her eyes were gentle as they stared through mine. "I promise you won't lose me."

I breathed out, feeling my eyes go blurry a little. Her revelation had made me a lot more emotional than I thought, but it was good. My heart was swelling with adoration, the first in a long, long time.

"Well, firstly, fuck you for making me cry," I said, letting go of her hand to wipe the corners of my eyes. She laughed as I met her eyes again. "Secondly, you're the only person I've ever met to say things as sweet as those. Thank you."

"I meant every word," she promised.

I cracked a small smile. "Thirdly... you really fancied the shit out of me back when we first met, didn't you?"

She rolled her eyes playfully, but her cheeks were turning pink; it was my turn to laugh.

"What do you say to giving us a shot?" she said, staring at me, a hint of hope in her expression.

I nodded. "I want to make this work. I actually fancy the shit out of you, too, Kara."

Her smile widened into a grin, making her eyes squint up adorably.

"I think it's my turn to initiate something," I joked, before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her lips.

I knew that I would always worry about my relationships, second-guess genuine actions and hesitate over little things – it was inevitable after what Anna did to me – but one thing I was certain of was Kara. It would work out, despite my fears. She reassured me always.

I trusted her.  

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