#are you shitting my dick | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sirjacobthomaskiszka · 2 years

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Ha ha ha what the fuck

#jake kiszka #greta van fleet #are you shitting my dick

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artthoufruity · 2 years

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I would pull my liver into my nonexistent dick and slurp it through the urethra and then eat it for these scenes to simply un-exist

#stranger things #stranger things 4 #will byers #byler #mike wheeler #stranger things volume 2 #foaming at the fucking mouth #are you shitting my dick

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very-offkey-kazoo · 2 years

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Wait I’m crying so Sam took a year off when Dean went to Purgatory, yeah? He’s using his real last name. Like in 8x08, Amelia introduces Sam to her father as “Sam Winchester.” Did no one GOOGLE him?? Amelia didn’t put his name through the web? Her dad didn’t? Did no one in TOWN google the hot handyman at the motel? The same Sam Winchester who was on the FBI most wanted list multiple times who is also known for faking his death??? Who has VERY RECENTLY been all over the news??? UM???

#like SOMEONE had to have recognized him #‘you look a lot like that serial killer guy.. what was his name?’ ‘Sam Winchester’ ‘and what’s ur name?’ ‘Sam Winchester’#are you shitting my dick #supernatural #sam winchester #himbos every last one of them I swear #i love my baby boy but come on Sam #use your pre law degree #spn

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lithi · 2 years

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AND THEY DONT REUNITE WITH LILY????

#HEY #MAS #ARE YOU SHITTING MY DICK #this witch of mine: epilogue 4 #this witch of mine

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gargoylepuke999 · 2 years

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I got tumblr in fucking march. there were 4k followers

#byler #are you shitting my dick #yall are insane its awesome

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joonbugg · 2 years

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Omg,

Punch my mama in the throat 👊

Karate kick my daddy in the chest 🦵

Are you shitting my dick rn????? 😤😤

#joonbugg!talks #joonbugg!other #bts #bts proof #are you shitting my dick #I’m so excited #wtf #I’m not ready #I can already smell tears and excitement

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arunneronthird · 1 year

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actually i think they should do stupid things together sometimes, i also fully embraced the fact that none of them have any fashion sense

#taking a break from drawing angst so i can get energy to draw more angst #robin #nightwing #red robin #red hood #damian wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #batman #dc comics #my art #this is obv a yotsuba ref but there were only 3 people in the original and i shit u not #i spent 10 minutes looking at it trying to figure out which guy to take out #turns out didnt work i love them all too much #this is the style i use when i just cannot deal with figuring faces out btw #ladies. gentlemen. you have eaten well.

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deadsetobsessions · 3 months

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What Do You Have There?

A knife!

Danny plunked the butter knife in its pedestal of importance. The nice thing about having a billionaire vigilante for a... foster is the amount of money Danny was allowed to drop on his hobbies. For example, his extensive collection of souvenirs.

They're not just any old regular souvenirs. No, no, no. That would be so boring! No, these souvenirs, he obtained from the various muggings, knife fights, and various other situations he's been in ever since he was dropped ungraciously into Gotham.

The butter knife? Damian. Precocious, stabby Damian who he had startled into the stab instinct. A point of pride, really. Danny knew Damian was good at fighting! It was practically, in ghost terms, a super enthusiastic hello! Yes, the butter knife would be kept in the well lit part of the wall. Alfred had told him to stay home today to recuperate. He didn't need it, since the wound would heal in an hour or two, but he'd take staying at home any day.

A couple of hours later, well into the afternoon and right before what Danny knew to be their patrol hours, Danny had a visitor.

"Danny."

"Oh, hey, Damian! What's up?" Danny turned around to see Damian hovering awkwardly near the door.

"I am here to... check upon your wound. It is imperative that it gets proper treatment."

Ancients, Damian was exactly like those alley kids. He just ate a thesaurus instead of the drawling accent the alley kids picked up. Which meant Damian endeared himself to Danny pretty quickly. Like a little ghostling.

"Oh, I'm good. See? No blood is leaking out of the wound." Danny held up spotless bandages.

Danny watched Damian step into his haunt- his room- with a pleased hum. Damian inspected the bandages and stepped back with a sharp nod of approval. His eyes flicked to the wall that Danny was rearranging (again) and did a double take at the butter knife in the middle.

"Is that the butter knife I stabbed you with?"

"Why, yes, it is!" Danny beamed.

"Why on earth would you display that?"

"Because you stabbed me with it?"

"That makes absolutely no sense, you simpleton! When someone stabs you, stab them back!"

"That would be mean!"

Damian spluttered. Danny tugged the kid closer to the wall, cheering inwardly as Damian didn't shove him away. It might be because he was exaggeratedly wincing as he moved his "injured arm" but Danny has learned to take a win where he could find them, especially with ghosts. Not that Damian was a ghost, but he sure acted like one.

"Do you want to see my collection?"

"Your collection?"

"Yeah!" Without giving him time to answer, Danny barreled ahead. "So this is the knife you stabbed me with. Which, by the way, was an awesome show of strength and accuracy."

Damian grimaced. Danny continued blithely, secretly memorizing Damian's reactions to laugh at later.

"And this is the knife those guys stabbed me with that one time Cass found me. And this one is a bullet someone shot at me down by the docks. I think I interrupted some kind of meeting?"

Damian's jaw had a slight tick to it that would have been a baffled frown on anyone else.

"And when was this?"

"Oh, like a week ago."

"What? When did you go to the docks?!"

"At night. I couldn't sleep."

"And you went to the docks?! How did you even get there?!"

"Walked," Danny lied, like a lying liar. He floated, obviously, but none of them knew that. "Anyways, this is a law book! Someone threw it at my head!"

"Hey, guys! What're you doing?"

Danny and Damian turned around.

"Richard? Brown? What are you doing here?"

"Oh, Bruce wanted me to come back for the weekend," Dick said. Danny knew it was code for "something's going down and we need back up." Man, he still couldn't believe they didn't know he knew they were crime fighting vigilantes.

"Same!" Stephanie said. Danny was glad to see that her wounds from "cartwheeling in the manor" were healed.

"I see. Danny was showing me his collection of... objects people have used as weapons against him."

"What?!"

"Yeah!" Danny beamed, completely innocent. "Come on! I'll show you!"

With that, Danny continued to ramble. He just knew that the way Dick's and Stephanie's smiles strained would give him a good laugh for weeks to come. "And this is the glass bottle a drunk tried to shank me with in Crime Alley, and this is a knife the Red Hood himself threw at me."

Dick interrupted, face stiff. "Hood threw a knife at you?!"

"Yeah, but that was because my kids broke into his safe house and I was trying to get them to stop looting the place. And he didn't know I was a kid too, so he aimed a gun at my head. He shot at me too, but I couldn't go back to get the bullet, or else it would have joined my collection." Danny grabbed a box and shook it, metal rattling inside.

Dick smiled sweetly, Stephanie and Damian inching away from it.

"Oh, wow, I see!"

----

In his apartment, Jason shuddered. He grabbed his guns.

"Something's wrong. I just know it," he muttered to himself.

----

Danny smiled innocently as he described the horrific, near death events he got his souvenirs from.

"This is my bullet box! Man, Gotham has a lot of gun fights. I got shot so many times!" Danny complained, shaking the box like a rattling toy.

"Did you know Danny snuck out to go to the bay?" Damian snitched immediately, like a snitch.

"The Bay?! Danny! You know that's where people dump bodies, right?!" Stephanie poked him in the arm.

"Yeah, but like... I wouldn't die. And besides! I missed my friends!"

"You mean the minions you made in Crime Alley?" Steph asked. Danny pouted, eyeing the way Dick's gaze roved over his souvenirs and paling the more he realized how often Danny "got hurt."

Damian bumped a shoulder against Dick's arm. Danny returned to the conversation.

"If anything, I'm their minion." He said, remembering the times the Alley kids sent him on food runs.

"Fear Danny, the overlord of street rats."

Danny snorted. And- "Oh! Yeah, there was like a weird owl looking guy? And then they stabbed me with a finger and I kept it because woah, cool talon looking thing, right? And then they threw a bunch of those tiny knives at me? And then they just kind of vanished? Gotham is so weird."

And now, with all of them pale and stressed out of their minds, Danny swung a devastating blow called guilt trip.

"And that's the batarangs!" Three heads swung over to the line of batarangs. "Those vigilantes kept throwing them at me! One of them even hit me in the arm. Those things are sharp, man."

"Uh. Which ones?" Stephanie asked.

"Hm?" Danny hummed obliviously.

"Do you know which vigilantes?"

"Oh, it was like... the purple one. And the sword one? And like the one with the yellow insignia in the middle. And... all of them, I think? Except for signal. That guy's cool."

Stephanie and Damian had matching veiled looks of guilt. Dick shot them a sharp look. Danny decided to deal the last bit of damage to Dick.

"I'm glad you guys are way less stabby than the general Gotham public though, butter knife incident aside. At least I don't have to worry about you guys getting into danger, right? If you guys got hurt like my family did... I don't know..."

Danny smiled-squinted at them, channeling Cujo at his cutest and saddest: when he doesn't get to eat off of Danny's plate. So, pretty sad and pathetic.

"Uh, yeah." Dick said, guilt splayed all over his face. "Alfred said dinner was almost ready."

"Yes," Damian cleared his throat, looking away. "We shall partake in Pennyworth's hard work."

"Ahaha!" Stephanie laughed, nervously. "Welp, let's go bother Tim!"

Falling into step behind them, Danny grinned.

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youlooklikeasixtiesqueen · 1 year

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the radio company concert tickets were $200????

#are you shitting my dick #i just remembered they went on sale friday and they're sold out already

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loverandstone · 2 years

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#are you shitting my dick

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lover-boy-liam · 2 years

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Do ever just wake up like,

Fucking shit balls, are you shitting my dick? That dream was absolute shit! I want a refund.

#are you shitting my dick #fucking shit balls #Dreams

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sol2sleepy · 2 years

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Capcut won't let me use my saved TikTok audios

what the hell man

#are you shitting my dick

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punkeropercyjackson · 2 months

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"It's cringe to make older sibling characters also parental figures to their younger ones,they're not like that irl!"Tell me you're not an eldest sibling without telling me you're not an eldest sibling

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alexxlovergirlcom · 2 months

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Farleigh Start..1

Tw:smut

Farleigh Start! Who the second he’s drunk or high, becomes a whiny baby. Begging for your attention, for you to touch him.

Farleigh Start! Who is also a little baby in the morning. Wrapping his strong arms around your waist to make sure you don’t leave.

Farleigh Start! With whom you have the deepest shit talking sessions ever. He knows every thing that’s going on in Oxford and will share it with you. You guys can spend hours spilling tea over who did what.

Farleigh Start! Who at the beginning of sex will only respond your teasing with quicks “yes” or “no” but once you start to fuck the attitude out of him he will be whimpering mess, begging, whining.

Farleigh Start! Who will try to dom you once in a while. But we all know that at the end of the day he’s a sub.

Farleigh Start! Who get off at you getting off. What get him the most is you riding his thigh. Just the sight of you going back and forth could make him cum undone in his pants.

Farleigh Start! Who definitely has a size kink. Wrapping his big hands around your throat, having to lean a lot just to be eyes to eyes with him, you looking up to him.

Farleigh Start! Who when someone does or say something you’ll talk shit about later, he gives you a little nudge followed by a certain look.

Farleigh Start! Who is the biggest party animal ever. On the dance floor you’re never alone, always with a tall curly headed boy behind you.

Farleigh Start! Who is a jealous man(no shit😨). Always asking “ who are you texting with that smile” like the mom of a teenager. What pisses him off the most is you dancing with someone else then him at a party. How dare you?! That’s literally HIS thing he does with you.

Farleigh Start! Who you begged to match outfits with. Once he accepted he loved it, everyone knowing you’re his. Not that he will ever admit it.

Farleigh Start! Who’s mindset is “ you’re with me or against me” at the beginning you two had a weird hate relationship always giving each other snarky comments. Until you realized how powerful you would be together and how much sexual pleasure he gives you.

Farleigh Start! Who’s always in the mood. If you’re horny so is he. All you have to do is ask, then boom he’s on his knees.

Farleigh Start! Who after you, his apparence matters the most. Always perfect hair, clear skin, he’ll spend hundreds of dollars on products if he has too. He use expensive parfum but the smell of his cigarettes overpower it.

Farleigh Start! Who in general is a shit talking cunt in public but a real clingy baby in private.and a sex god.

#i love him #archie madekwe #farleigh start #saltburn #farleigh start x reader #felix catton #in love #farleigh x reader #farleigh imagine #farleigh catton #farleigh saltburn #coquette #i want his dick so far down my throat it leaves bruises #farleigh smut #farleigh x you #shit talking #boyfriend #iconic

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starry-bi-sky · 1 month

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i have been unmedicated for the entirety of spring break and thus have had little interest in writing this down, but i have been thinking about this for the entire week (as well as a dpdc clone danny au that resulted in it becoming its entirely separate batman au that includes a teenage vigilante bruce wayne, an ocarina, and me entirely incapable of making a batman au without making bruce dirt poor but we're not talking about that) and so i've finally went 'fuck it' and forcibly grabbed my laptop. I will get this done in one sitting even if it kills me.

BUT. This is about neither clone^2 danny nor about who i am calling Ocarina Batman. This is about my Danyal Al Ghul Au and more SPECIFICALLY it's me thinking about his relationship with Sam and Tucker specifically.

Tucker and Sam? Adore this asshole (affectionate) with every fiber of their being. And it is very much a reciprocated feeling, but Danny's thoughts will not be delved into much other than he would kill for them.

Tucker? The only person currently capable of getting a deep, loud, belly laugh out of Danny. Sam can get him to smile and to laugh, but it's the kind that's a chuckle-under-the-breath. The quiet, looks-down-while-huffing laughter. Snorts once with laughter and then grins stupidly.

But Tucker? Tucker can crack a slew of stupid jokes and Danny will be incapacitated for the next five minutes because he's laughing so hard that he can't breath. He lands one well-timed pun or quip and Danny will be close to tears. His laughter is their favorite sound in the whole world.

Sam is lowkey jealous of this ability, and she's gotten a belly laugh out of Danny a few times. But alas, it is Tucker who wields this power and has gotten it the most times out of the two of them.

-

They're also both physically affectionate with Danny as much as possible. It started roughly around when they were 12-ish, a year since they befriended Danny, and they noticed that he sought after touch but never seemed to initiate (and was in some ways repulsed by it). They started slowly being more touchy with him. Hooking a finger around his to lead him somewhere, tapping his wrist, looping arms. Little touches, grabs, etc, to get him used to it, and once he started doing it back they started increasing it.

It's gotten to a point where he will now just. Lay on them. Like a lizard sunbathing on a rock. Leaning on their backs when they're sitting in class before the bell rings, his chin on their heads. He'll talk about anything with his arms looped around their shoulders.

If they're sitting on a couch at either of their houses, he'll lay his legs on theirs. Him and Tucker will press their feet against the other's and try and push against them (newsflash: Danny always wins, Tucker claims its the ghost strength but Danny's been winning since before his accident)

-

Naturally, both Sam and Tucker know where Danny keeps his weapons on his person, and are allowed to grab them off of him if they need it. His only requirement is that they don't lose his weapons if they take it and forget to return it immediately.

They both understand how big of a thing this is from Danny, and so they do their best to treat his weapons with a lot of respect and care because they know its his way of saying he trusts them.

-

Sam and Tucker are so fond of Danny it's insane. Like fr. That's their goddamn best friend, and they are so protective of him. Emotionally, physically, you name it. They will tear the head off a grown man if they need to, Danny's had scars since he arrived in Amity Park and Sam and Tucker both are going to find the person who put them there and make them pay for it.

One time, Tucker overheard a bunch of upperclass girls speaking nastily about Danny and about the rumors surrounding him, calling him names like 'freak', 'monster', etc. Danny was with him and heard it, and seemingly appeared unbothered by it, even telling Tucker that he was used to such rumors.

Tucker was so furious that hacked into the school system later that night and tanked those girls grades. They were kicked out of their clubs and had to go to mandatory tutoring for the rest of the year. He made sure to leave some way of letting them know it was him who did it.

And Sam doesn't like using her money for things, doesn't like abusing that wealth. So instead, whenever her parents talk bad about Danny, she causes a media incident that has her parents scrambling to deal with. She does something wild, outrageous by her parents' standards.

She heard some boys on the basketball team making fun of Danny once, similar to those girls had. She kicks up a fuss about something eco-unfriendly at school and forcibly holds a protest on the same day of the big home basketball game, forcing them to cancel the event and reschedule to a visiting school.

She anonymously donates money so that there's new uniforms for the team but oops! Looks like she "forgot" to donate enough money for them to get uniforms for all the team members, and strangely enough those boys in particular didn't get them! Looks like they'll have to wait until more money gets donated for the basketball team to get their new, nice uniforms. The old ones look so ratty in comparison, right?

And since the football team gets most of the sport money, that might just take awhile. And if (and when) they kick up a fuss? oops! Off the basketball team you go, :) such unsportsman-like behavior is unfit for the team.

(The only good thing about how corrupt the school system is is that she can use it to her advantage too.)

The both of them know that Danny suspects them for the sudden misfortune falling on these people, but he doesn't call them out on it. He's kinder than he used to be, but not kind enough to vouch for people who speak badly of him. Sometimes, he might just congratulate them on not getting caught.

Because Danny is their wonderful, hurt friend with a "slightly" Blue and Orange Moral code, and enough scars that people have been calling him a criminal (and worse) since he arrived in Amity Park when he was ten. And they'll be damned if he gets hurt anymore.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #danyal al ghul #its kinda hard to get my thoughts in order bc i am ✨unmedicated✨ rn BUT #this is the gist of it #i could wax poetic about how much sam and tucker adore danny as their friend but alas. the wax is not waxing. it is stuck to the paper #and i am chipping it off with my nail and its getting stuck under it.#ocarina batman has been in my head since friday someone come sedate me. him and pit fighter batman too. who is ALSO a piss poor teenage #bruce wayne who instead of a vigilante and villains is a PIT FIGHTER. he fights blindfolded thats why he's called the bat #ocarina batman's Look is if you combined punk + assassins creed aesthetic together and then gave it an ocarina #the ocarina is because i thought it'd be cool if its how he and robin communicated across long distances bc they didnt have comms #because they are ✨poor✨ and live in a one room apartment in crime alley.#and also the mental image of him sitting on. rooftop ledge in the rain playing 'song of storms' from LoZ was too fantastic to ignore #like bro imagine hearing that as a criminal. you're off doing shady shit with your gang and in the distance you hear the faint and #haunting melody of an ocarina. two of them in a call and response duet. and its getting closer. and you cannot find where #siren type shit fr fr #look he has the assassins creed hood and a long ass coat that has spikes on the end that when flared out looks like the silhouette of a bat #on fucking GOD i am this 👌 close to finding an artist doing commissions to make this for me. i am frothing at the mouth #he is 17-19 years old with his little brother-son Robin. Logically Robin is Dick but in my heart of hearts the first Robin is Jason #and he has perfected the art of getting his older brother to play songs on the pan flute for him. long pitchy whine on his own ocarina #the familiar childlike 'pleeeaaaaaaase?' and he knows he's won when there is a 10s silence on the other end before his brother plays #a lullaby.#look up 'sailor moon - pan flute (relaxing) on youtube' and when there's the thumbnail of two green skinned aliens with long blue and pink #hair. click on it. THAT is the song Bruce plays.#hhhhhhhhhhh frothing at the mouth over this au sooo fucking badly

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captainmilf · 5 months

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"""The power dynamics seem so problematic""" Guillermo could literally actually kill Nandor if he really wanted to and has demonstrated that fact multiple times. Nandor being his boss means nothing. They are on the most equal footing right now than they have ever been

#are you shitting my dick right now Paul #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #nandermo #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz

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