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warmau · 3 years

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love struck!au x tbz

find other love struck!aus here: monsta x | day6 | ateez *this post was commissioned through kofi

sangyeon

confident sangyeon spends half the day flirting with you

then shy sangyeon spends the rest of the day running embarrassment laps around the creker building

he has high spikes of adrenaline where its just quite literally circling you with hearts in his eyes and doves singing

and then low long silent moments where he sits in a corner, muttering at the wall and everyone is like what is going on with him

if he could he might just spend eternity flip-flopping between the two

it’d take an intervention to get him to just seize the opportunity during one of his more positive moods to just ask you on a date

the only problem is he talks so fast and so jumbled and waves his hands around

and you’re like wh-

and he’s like datetommorrowcoffeeorteawhichdoyoupreferdoyounotevenwanteitherwhataboutumlikeamoviepleasesayyes

once again you are like ?

and sangyeons meter of confidence is slowly depleting hes about to run away until sunwoo is like

let me step in and translate:

sangyeon wants to go on a date with you tomorrow

when you brighten up and accept, sangyeon just breathes a sigh of relief and maybe almost tips over from the intense amount of feelings hitting him at once lol

jacob

no one takes him seriously when he starts saying he likes you

not because you’re unlikable but because jacob says it with such normalcy that everyone is like

nah

if you liked them, you would definitely be all mushy and shy and embarrassed about it

and jacob is like what are you talking about im not embarrassed to have a crush on someone i think is really awesome

even kevin is like dude don’t push it - you shouldnt make jokes about liking people

and jacob is just like *blinks*

but seriously, everyone expects him to be writing lyrics in secret and practicing some kind of grand serenade to ask you out - like you’re literally an angel dude so you have to like someone in the most cupid-esque way possible

which jacob is just like :/ about because there’s no right way to show someone how much you like them-

juyeon: sorry what i was not listening?

you on the other hand, don’t ever even catch wind of it because jacob is so sweet at all times

polite, caring, gentle touches, lots of eye contact, little smiles that make your heart melt, the usual

that you just assume he’s like this to everyone so of course you are clueless and his lack of grandiose confessions is making everyone else clueless too

until one day jacob is like fine if no one believes me ill just tell them a

nd everyone in the room is like pfft would love to see you try-

three seconds later jacob is standing in front of you and saying “want to date me?” and you’re so shocked you can’t speak

but the rest of tbz is so shocked at least three of them nearly faint

younghoon

keeps his mouth shut

literally like shut shut like not a WORD to you or to anyone in a five foot distance of you

he’ll be talking to chanhee about something and you’ll walk in and suddenly younghoon just hits pause

chanhee is like hello are you broken hello and younghoon is just _____

until you walk out of the room and then he’s like

“-that’s why i think we shouldn’t include that dance move”

and chanhee is like what the hael just happened

you will be in a conversation and pull younghoon over to join you and when you’re like what do you think!!!!!!!1

he looks at you and the cognitive function for speech just disappears

maybe its your cute face accelerating his heartbeat or maybe its the all the nerves in his body going haywire because all he wants to say is how much he really really likes you

but he can’t just SAY that so instead he says nothing

sometimes he’s lucky and members who understand this younghoon lovestruck glitch are around can save him

but sometimes its just you and him and silence until youre like ok- well-

you think maybe he just doesnt want to talk to you because he doesnt like you

so you apologize for bothering him

and its like everything that has ever blocked him from speaking before just flies out the window

because suddenly younghoon is holding your hands in his and saying

“no, im sorry. i just dont know what to say because i like you so much.”

it’s the longest sentence you’ve ever heard from him

and you are so flustered but all you can say back is

“you can keep saying ‘i like you’ if you want...........”

younghoon for the rest of the week: i like you

you: giddy

tbz: kinda wishing he’d shut it again

hyunjae

there’s no lovestruck period, it’s straight up infatuation from day ONE

and it comes at full force

hyunjae is like bubblegum, stuck to you and only you

sugary sweet and always reminding you that he is available whenever you decided you want to take him

it can really overwhelm someone, because his attention is fixated and forthcoming

and i mean you’d really have to lack all the common sense in the world not to see that he’s interested

but that’s the thing interest is not always a form of sincerity so you just kind of chalk it up to him trying to be funny

and he sprawls across your lap like a cat

happy with the fact that you just giggle and smile because ok you might never believe that he’s so in love with you it hurts but at least you still let him near you

really people probably ask you if you’re dating him and when you say you’re not their follow up is usually like well arent you exhausted having someone you dont love always around

and you’re like um - no well - i mean - and you are like ok i mean i do love him but im not going to be a fool and fall into a trap of thinking im special

and hyunjae will literally be like they are special. i feel nothing for anyone else, it is just them

and you’re like see! he’s so sweet!

and at some point i think you either drive hyunjae crazy and he kisses you because words are pointless - actions are everything

or chanhee pushes you two into each other from pure, unfiltered annoyance

“if you love each other stop pretending like it’s a big joke and just DATE!”

juyeon

return to kindergarten romance

literally he sees you and goes pink to the ears and slinks behind his friends even though he’s taller than most of them

and he can barely hide the fact that he jumps over the rainbow when your shoulders brush in the halls

if no one knew any better, juyeon probably scribbles your name in hearts on a notebook page somewhere

but then crumples it up and almost eats it if anyone tries to see what he’s up to

but again you enter the vicinity and he’s goo - muttering and forgetting to string nouns to verbs or whatever

everyone is so amazed that someone with so much charisma on stage can turn this goddamn goofy around someone he likes

and you are energetic and bright - you always want to pull juyeon into the loop - and you think the flustered look on his face is just from genuine surprise or confusion

and you’re like “oh! let me explain what we’re doing blah blah blah” and yes juyeon knows you guys are going to play monopoly but like words? dont? come ? out ? of ? his ? mouth?

and just like kindergarten he probably ends up writing you a note about how much he likes you (tick this box for yes and this box for no) or some form of that

maybe like a text where he is like hi do you want to go on a date and it was actually supposed to be like a ten page essay about why he likes you but then he got too nervous to send it so yeah

its a text that comes out of the blue and when you agree and see juyeon in person the next day you’re like why didn’t you just ask me like months ago

and once again, words? dont? come? out? of? his? mouth?

kevin

gift giving

nonstop gift giving

like to a point where jacob is worried about kevin’s spending habits

but it is all like handmade items and cute stuff he sees that reminds him of you

and everyone knows he has a crush before he can even process it because they’re doing a show halfway across the country and everyone is like practicing or doing something on their own

and kevin’s like guys look i saw this in a shop and it reminded me of-

all of tbz looking at him like: we know who it reminded you of

he plays it off though when he gives you the gifts, he’s like ah this was just like in my bag or whatever or oh i made this extra keychain when i had a day off like do you want it

and kevin thinks he is so sly and covering it up so damn well but he isn’t

you try to give gifts back, mostly because you feel bad that he’s always offering something to you

and one day you are like - at first as a kind of jest - like “here ill just give you myself in return”

and you throw your arms around his neck like you’ve done a million times before and oh shit you think kevin is going to pass out with how fast his heart starts beating and how he overheats

and you’re like kevin?!??!?! are you ok!?!??! and he’s like areyouserious

and you’re like wh and he’s like are you serious about that,,,,and you’re like oh well i mean do you even want someone like me

and kevin unblinkingly is like of course you are the only person i want

and suddenly you realize that these gifts youve been getting are kevin’s love language and its so freaking cute

(but also stop spending money just give kisses instead) (kevin agrees but he is still like im buying you anything cute i see because u are cute and cute people deserve cute things we love kevin moon logic)

changmin

ignores his feelings by throwing himself into his work

much to the surprise of no one, because he’s naturally a workoholic and perfectionist, but this time something is off

no one should be beating themselves up over such miniscule mistakes like he is

and hyunjae is convinced changmin has finally lost it, like the goddamn lid has flew off the kettle with this one

because they finish practice and everyone is clapping and changmin looks like he’s going to crush the speakers with his bare hands

less lovestruck as he is loveconfused because the real reason he’s so upset is like

he wants to focus so hard on being a great performer and whatnot but when he shuts his eyes or takes a moment to breath

his brain is fuzzy with thoughts of you and not like super romantic flowery thoughts like you see in movies or read in comics

its just little snapshots of you being,,,,,,,,,,,you

laughing along with eric, fixing the hem of your shirt in the mirror, waving at changmin before looking both ways and crossing the street to his side

GOD WHEN HAS SOMEONE CROSSING THE STREET MADE HIS HEART DO A BACKFLIP

the worst thing is he can’t seem to find a way for it to stop until like you are actually in front of him

like the real you - not the memories and thoughts he has daily of you - no just you

and you’re putting your hands on his face and he’s sweaty and hot from dancing for god knows how long and you’re like

“don’t wear yourself out like this, take care of yourself - if you don’t want to do it for you - can you do it for me?”

and changmin realizes oh right - for you, for you he could move mountains, for you he could fly, like seriously for you he could do anything

and he thinks he just says this to himself but he just said it outloud and somewhere in the room hyunjae is slapping his knee like

“AH! he’s not nuts - he’s just in love.”

chanhee

falls head over heels for you and expects you to read his mind about it

you walk into a room and he sits up a little straighter and is like ok one step two step ok come over to me, look at me, pay attention to me

and you - because you are not a mindreader - go to talk to juyeon first

and chanhee is like OH I SEE HOW IT IS and gets all moody there on out

honest to god he probably knows he’s overreacting but he just does not get why you cant tell how he’s feeling

and he asks like everyone this question and theyre like what? because you aren’t making it obvious at all?

and chanhee is like what the hell do you mean i totally make it obvious and everyone is like did you ask them out? did you get them a gift? did you compliment them?

and chanhee crosses his arms like no......but like......i smiled at them in a way i dont smile at the rest of you clowns

tbz: :/

either way, you start to notice this pattern, that when chanhee is not getting your attention he gets a little like a cat and curls himself away from you

so you, much like one with a cat, start to shower him in attention

and he just uncurls and gets all giddy and swats anyone away who tries to get into your little bubble with him

and its a bit entertaining really lol but you think its just chanhee being chanhee

till it keeps happening over and over and over again and you’re like ok wait

and chanhee is like hmm and you’re like why dont we just go somewhere alone together like on a date or something if thats what you like so much

and chanhee, who has been under the suspicion you have been going on dates sitting together in the tbz practice room is like

“oh right! a date, um i guess sure!”

inside he is screaming

haknyeon

does not waste time, he puts his detective hat on and makes a plan

for one of the youngest members he probably puts the most diligence into liking someone

its not just lovestruck butterflies and running away whenever you’re around

haknyeon swats all that gooey-mushy stuff away and is like ok lets see what movies do you like? what kind of food do you like? he has to know so that when he asks you out he is ready to impress

it shocks some of his other members, sangyeon has never seen haknyeon almost bite younghoon’s hand when he tried to as him to get off the shared desktop

haknyeon just wants to know everything about you - which kevin says he could probably do by talking more to you

and haknyeon is like go away grandpa and kevin is like WH-

either way, when it all comes to a head and haknyeon has memorized what he’s going to say in his confession to you for the one millionth time

he does not prepare for what actually happnes

which is you bound up to him with your arms open and you’re like let’s hang out! just the two of us!

and he’s like ok ill go get the other- wait

haknyeon.exe has stopped working

because truth be told he’d spend so much time trying to research and be perfect when all you really like about him is how fun and eccentric he can be

so you just ask him out first and this was not in the plan, but haknyeon is not about to let go of your warm hand as you pull him along beside you

sunwoo

swears to deny it to his grave because one) it’s embarrassing and.........no that’s it. it is embarrassing to have feelings

jacob: feelings aren’t embarrassing! they’re the reason we can care so deeply about others <3

sunwoo: ok nerd........keep it moving

and unlike younghoon who just goes silent around the people he likes or juyeon who tries to find sangyeon to hide behind

sunwoo just straight up is like cold. and you are like what didi i do?

everyone is just like he’s complicated, it’s just who he is and he’s young so just ignore him

but it makes you sad that sunwoo just doesn’t want to be your friend

and in sunwoo’s head he’s like I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND BECAUSE YOU ARE MY DREAM PERSON BUT THATS SO FREAKING CORNY TO SAY SO LET ME JUST MAKE GRUMPY FACE

he also has such a bad luck, even when he’s not trying to come off mean he probably accidentally spills something on you or breaks something of yours

and instead APOLOGIZING like everyone is telling him to do he just yoinks out of the room and you’re like damn :(

to be honest, i think the more you guys get distant the more sunwoo falls deeper into it because even with everything

you are always so kind and sweet and how? like how? how are you doing that?

it probably takes a miracle or actually just like someone spilling the beans to you that sunwoo stayed up all night trying to fix the bracelet of yours he broke for it to all change

for you to find sunwoo and hug him and thank him for trying to fix it and the minute you touch him its like

all these stupid little walls he built melt into nothing and sunwoo is just like i like you so much im sorry im so dumb and you’re like

well you’re like shocked but youre like im sorry i also like you and im also dumb sometimes

both of you standing there wide eyed but also like super super super giddy

one day you aren’t even talking to each other the next day you are cuddling on the couch

kevin: these people are giving me literal whiplash

eric

thinks you’ll never feel the same way so he does the next best thing, he tries to be your bestest friend

for someone so spunky and confident in himself most of the time you’d think lovestruck eric would just GO for it

but more than he is like outgoing and brave, he is devoted to people he loves

and losing you as a friend over confessing his feelings would probably spiral him into a dark place

so he’ll just take his spot as a super close friend, and horrible wingman

who tries to get you to admit that you like someone in the group when you have told eric ten times no you dont like changmin like that and yes juyeon is cute but youre not interested

and eric just wants you to be happy and he thinks youre lying and keeping it from him because like you think it would be weird to date someone in tbz

and he’s like cmon tell me! or do you like someone from skz, im friends with felix - do you think he’s cute

and at some point it wears you down and you are just like over to play video games and have fun with eric

and he’s like hey felix said you were pretty when i showed him a photo and you are like ERIC LISTEN TO ME and he’s like blinking like oh?

and you’re like i do like someone but its you and so since that isnt going to happen lets move on

and eric is like lets not move on because from the minute i saw you i thought cupid lodged an arrow so deep in my heart its been stuck their permanently and yes i watched hercules last night so i made that analogy isn’t it about time you kissed me so i would shuttup?

and when you do you’re like ok i have wanted to do that SO many times and he’s like well you should have

and youre like dont be sassy i will bring up every oppurtunity you tried to hook me up with your group member if you do and he’s like

i will shut my mouth forever if that is what you wish <3

#the boyz au #the boyz imagines #the boyz scenarios #tbz au #tbz imagines #member: the boyz #tbz scenarios #the boyz #tbz #sfw #the way younghoon is the ideal man: nothing to say just heart eyes in a stupor JK trgkdls

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hellbabyfromhell · 3 years

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i unfollowed you, not because i dont like you, but rather because you have such trans girl swag that i just followed you for like... years without realizing you're not transfem and we have nothing else in common. i truly wish you the best of course but like... to me you're just some person walking around making posts and stuff.

ok?

it honestly bothers me that you followed me for years and you didnt like the content of my character or anything ive done and decided to now send me this saying “im just some person walking around making posts” because i didnt fit your image of who you thought i was. and it was entirely contingent on my gender and not any other thing about me? i am not a transfem, youre right, but 1. you also really dont know my history with gender and 2. its shitty that you went out of your way to tell me you were uninterested in any aspect of my personality other than my gender for years apparently. and you felt the need to inform me that you’re unfollowing me because i don’t fit your mental image of me….

you are just some person who treats people on the internet like they arent real, because you only care about a fictionalized image of them. you are like some person who thinks their opinion of someone is so important that they have to decree theyre unfollowing me in their askbox. im sorry you dont like me for who i am, but i guess i prefer that you’ve unfollowed because i dont want to be seen as someone else, someone imagined. (i think in some ways this is why perfect blue is so important to me) i want to be, i AM me, and thats all i can be. i am just some person walking around and liking myself (new development!) and sometimes other people do too, because of who i am as a person. this sort of thing drags me down, especially when i see it first thing in the morning, because it really bothers me when people send me these presumptuous and sometimes rude asks because they don’t think about the feelings of the person that theyre sending it to. so i guess all in all, if you are the kind of person who sends this sort of message, i truly wish you the best of course but i’d rather that people who actually like me for me follow me. i am a person, anon. this is really dehumanizing. in the future, please treat fellow internet denizens as human beings with feelings.

on that note, im sorry im replying to this and not my nice asks. this is kind of an anomaly and i don’t get stuff like this often. the nice asks, i like to keep them and look at them. honestly, sometimes when im at my lowest, i read them, and its like exp or spore food bits in the first stage. i truly appreciate how kind people are to me from the bottom of my heart. ive done a lot of work trying to bring myself back from having a horrible self image, because for so long i couldnt stand myself, and when i get a nice ask, its like adding a plate of armor to my knight-suit. i am feeling stronger than ever, and i appreciate and love every message and reply with all my heart. idk how to reply to replies sometimes but i read them all and they stay in my back pocket. i wish i could Like the replies. i just really appreciate how kindly people treat me and i cannot thank you enough. ive been through really tough shit the last 6 years and the dust is finally settling and everything is looking like itll be okay, and im touched whenever i get a kind message, because im grateful, truly, for people who have seen my highs and lows, failures and triumphs, and are so unrelentingly supportive. i wish i could express genuinely how much it means to me from the bottom of my heart. there are times when people here treated me much kinder than i would ever allow myself to at the time, and i really can’t explain how much it meant and still means to me. so thank you, a million times thank you. i started crying writing this part lol. i am just very beyond appreciative that i so infrequently have negativity on my blog. thank you to all the people who have stuck with me and sent me such kind things. i hope to keep making stuff and doing things and i hope it’ll entertain you and make you happy as much as doing those things makes me happy. lets be happy all together! thank you.

#sorry for the brick

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hitoshisbabygirl · 3 years

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Author's Notes ♡: okay uhm the more characters I do the more I’m learning I’m a simp-

Anyways welcome to another BNHAREM collab that I had the pleasure to be in! I had fun trying to turn our league of villains leader into a hero/vigilante! A quick side note, his personality here is more of what I think he could’ve been/acted like if he was treated better and taught how to control his quirk without hate qwq without further waiting here’s my addition to the already wonderful collaborators! Make sure to check their stories out too in the masterlist! ~ bunny ❥

Warnings : None!! Fluffy and awkward Shiggy for the win! Also please ignore typos if any they’ll be fixed later </3

Word count : 3.5K

Paring(s) : Tomura Shigaraki x F! Reader

Summary : When the city you live in is rampant with villains what happens when your seabed by a cold and off putting vigilante (that’s my best summary I’m sorry </3)

Enjoy ♡

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Turning off the TV [ ] couldnt help the trembling of her hands as she realized the mayhem that had been spurring the last couple of weeks with the new arrival of villain groups wasnt subsiding. life was hard , the struggle of not to take the news seriously and feeling like all hope was lost was a common feeling between each day, the chore of getting up early during the daylight time so you could get what you needed before crime became rampant was adreanline fueld.. It was nerveracking, living your life on the edge and feeling unable to believe the ones in and on duty would protect you. After weighing the options about staying in or hurrying down the street for food before the curfew kicked in [ ] reluctantly got up, grabbing her keys , phone and a light jacket as she headed throught the decrepit streets, hearing the distant sirens that never failed to doing their job of setting her nerves ablaze. As she saw the neon signs of the store ahead of her she was able to enter and grab quite a lot of things, the warm feeling of being safe surrounding her as she heard more and more sounds from blocks ahead. “Are you okay sweetie?”

An older lady with a young man asked the anxious girl, a smile on her face as she answered the woman “Ah yeah im sorry ma’am just trying to find the best way home without being in the crossfire” Shaking her head in agreement the older woman spoke again “Its running rampant out there, its why i brought my grandson with me” ponting to the male beside her he gave [ ] a smile, holding a bag fro the lady “Now you be safe dearie, look both ways and use the lights to guide you home!” Waving to the pair [ ] felt a bit more relived as she started the shorter but dreaded walk back to her townhome. The area was better than most in cities, just because of how it wasnt in the full downtown that was in a disarray. Even so it was still dangerous and hearing a loud crash and explosion from in front of where [ ] was walking could never be a good thing. As she walked further she saw a group of people blowing up a strip that included a jewelry spot, a small back and shopping center she knew something bad would happen if she got any closer. Walking backward she headed to an abandoned alleyway, slowly trying to get herself in a safe distance away from whoever was destroying the buildings. As she got into a corner she could hear the people talk and yell, the sound of glass breaking and another boom. Jumping form the sound of the explosion getting closer she moved into a doorway of one of the undisturbed buildings in the strip.

Soon however she felt a hand on her arm as one of the guys caught her. As [ ] tried to fight them off she head them chuckle, one taking her face in his hand as the others tried to go through her bags “Well well well hello ther girl, whatcha doing in the Scorpions part of town” One of the men, who [ ] presumed was the leader snared at her, grinning when she turend her ace away from his. Pulling her face back to his he tried to get her to talk, pushing her cheeks together as he laughed “I like them feisty , why dont you just be nice to me and my guys huh?” before she could form her lips to try to get a smart response a sound of pain came from one of the destroyed buildings. Catching the leaders attention he called out to someone before they all heard a yell of watch out. The building, which they had destroyed was now falling over and onto them who were in its path. All [ ] knew was that the guy who grabbed her arm let her go and shoved her before everything whent black.

A cracking sound , one of breaking concrete broke through [ ]’s head as she opened her eyes to blackness, everything around her covered in the sheet of night as the same cracking sound could be heard. Soon a faint voice could be heard from above her. Lightly she yelped which mustve been enough for whoever was above her as teh cracking sound got lounder before she could see light from the moon above her “H-hey is ther someone down there?” A voice called out as [ ] yelled back to them “O-oh yes! Please help me im stuck and i cant move!” She yelled as she felt her leg get tighter as she tried to wiggle.

“Cover your face if you can” The now more male sound voice said as she did such, felling pieces of cement and gravel touch her arms as she moved them to see long whitish blue hair appear before a gloved hand reached out “Can you reach?” The mystery male asked as she jumped up bepfre yeliping in pain. Hearing the sound the male took his ungloved hand and seemilngly dissolved more concreate taht held her and her leg in place. “Hold on….Im coming dont move, you could hurt yourself if you do.” Hopping dwon the hole with her the male saw how she was twisted in her spot and pained expression that covered her facial features. Faced with a challenge the male gave her his gloved hand as he used the uncovered one to break up the rocks and concrete that held her still “Just a little more okay? Youre close I almost got you” He reassured. Soon [ ] felt herself slip up and into the arms of the mystery man who she noticed had his face covered. As he brought her out of the ruble and into the light from the mood and streetlights she looked at her savior. He wasnt large in stature but her was fit and quite strong to pull her up with one arm. Feeling the girl he just saved staring at him , the male turned to her and simply stated “You should go home” Before starting to head off “W-wait! Please, let me thank you properly. You didnt have to save me yet you did” She said as he turned to her “......Theres no need to thank me, just doing what the heroes arent” Starting to walk again [ ] couldnt help chewing her lip before running to join his side “Well can i at least thank you properly , or just get your name and be able to find you again?” stopping in his tracks he moved his hair from his face before crimson eyes glanced at her “Tomura” He said “Huh..?” “My name...Tomura..or MC” He whispered as she shook her head “Tomura...okay well thank you Tomura for saving me , my names [ ]”

Shaking his head Tomura started off again, shoving his gloved hands in his pockets, this time heading off for good. As he trucked along [ ] heard the sirens appear closer to the damage that was the destroyed store that covered the criminals that tried to get her before. Starting to walk off her own she noticed a shining necklace on the ground. Picking it up she noticed it was one you could put pictures in it. Peeking inside she saw a woman with black hair holing a little boy with just as black ahir and piercing red eyes, the woman happily smiling as she held the child. Closing the locket she took with her , feeling strangely drawn to it. As she heaaded home she thought about the mysterious Tomura, someone who looked like a normal civilian like her and others seemd to have a strong quirk, and was more than what he seemed on the outside

As a few days turned into a week rolled on [ ] noticed that the streets were still bad, but the men who had cornered her had been captured after the building had collapsed. Feeling herself sigh and relax [ ] headed for the store once again, this time during the day as she needed to replace the food she had tried getting before that was lost during the the collapse. As she left once again she saw a familiar tuff of periwinkle hair go around the corner. Peeking her interest she followed himas she heard him curse under his breath before turning around straight into her “ow, wait….its you again” He huffed as his crimson eyes looked into hers “Yep! Hey tomu!” The quirky nickname caused head to fill in the mans face as he was glad it was covered. “[ ]....hello” He said back as he continued to pace around the old scene that stil had some concrete in the land “Whatcha looking for…?” She asked as he still looked around “Something important of mines” “Well can i help out?” Sighing Tomura turned to the hopeful girl that for some reason, didnt bother him as many did

“Fine. its a silver locket..” pausing [ ] thought about the locket she found when they first met “It….wouldnt happen to have a woman and a boy in it would it?” As soon as she said that the periwrinkle haired boy turend to her “You found it? Where” reaching out he went to grab her hands only to stop himself and put them at his sides. Ignoring the gesture as nerves she gave him a smile “Well..I found it the day you saved me, it was actually in the rubble” looking at the sparkling eyes of Tomura she couldn’t help but let her smile grow before sighing “Only thing is...it’s at my house now” still looking at him he gave her a smile behind his covering before shaking his own head “That’s fine..if you don’t mind me coming with you, or you just bring it I’m not really.,,yeah” Giggling at his nervousness [. ] put her hand ont his shoulder “It’s fine! Uhm..have you ate dinner yet? I can even cook you something!” Holding up her bag Tomura felt his heart thump as he agreed to eat with her, the two headed for her place.

Looking around Tomura noticed how clean and kept together her place was. It was warm, and inviting, something he wasn’t too used to “I’m sorry it’s a mess here! I was trying to move things around and make it look better but..I feel like it’s still weird!” Laughing she turned to face the powder blue haired boy who stood still in her doorway. “You can come in or would you need a helping hand?” She teased as she held her hand out. Hesitantly held his gloved hand out before pulling away slightly “S-sorry im just.. nervous” he said softly before [. ] gave him a knowing smile, before taking a step back “Well there’s no rush, take a seat and get comfortable, I’ll get your locket and I’ll start dinner!” Walking away [. ] went to her bedroom as Tomura sat there looking at his hands. They held so much fear in them, life and death. Over the years he learned how to control his power, even able to touch things without gloves and them not dissolve. But witr him nervous, he was afraid one wrong touch would hurt or even worse...destroy the one nice person he’d ever met in the midst of the all of the mayhem. In the mist of him thinking [. ] came back and saw him.

Feeling bad and not sure of how to approach him she tenderly held the locket and placed it on the table, which snapped him from his thoughts “Here you are! I did clean the silver so it was more shiny and not as dingy from the dirt” taking the piece from her hands Tomura place it down to see it better than he remembered and still having his grandmother and him inside of it. “Thank you [ ]. It means...alot to me, more thna youd ever know” Going into her kitchen she started some rice as she tried small talk with him “So...have you always been a vigilante?” Thinking abut the response her messed with a piece of his hair “ Well no...i wanted to be a hero one day but...my quirk is less helpful and more destructive” starting to get the steaks out she seasoned then placed them in the oven before siting down at the table with him “I think the power to disintegrate things could be wonderful as a rescuer! Hell you even saved me! And think if you didnt have that quirk , how would you get me out? Plus youre strong, you got me out with only a hand, youre really strong Tomu” Crimson eyes barely met her gaze.

Seeing her own energy mads him smile, hidden beind the mask he wore. “Uhm...may I?” Reaching for a hand [ ] looked at his eyes aas he wavered, sliding them away from her own “When i get nervous i feel like i loose control” Tomura said before [ ] just gently place her pinky on the glove “Im not afraid taht youd hurt me , i trust you okay?” Taking more of his hand in hers she rubbed the back of his glove, feeling the way he tensed wehn she traced his knuckles “See? Its okay yknow!” Smiling she got up to check the food, failing to see the way Tomura was going though a crisis under his mask, face flushing as she stirred and turned it off , letting both the rice and steak cool a bit before serving. Turning around [ ] saw how handsome her savior was. A soft , almost baby looking face was hidden under that protective mask , turned in a small frown as he fiddled with his hands “Wow...youre handsome” Scaring him from his thoughts Tomura couldnt hide the red that flushed his face as she giggled “Thanks...Ive never been told that before” Hearing him say that made [ ]’s heart twinge before grabbing two plates “Well they must not know the true beauty under your mask hm?” bringing over what she made she sat in front of him, handing him a fork before sitting infront of him “Here ya go! I wont say im a chief but I enjoy cooking yknow?” Now able to see him smile without a protection over majority of his face [ ] couldnt help her heart speeding up as he did. A comfortable silence feel between them as they ate and finished dinner, occasional jokes and small talk happening between them. She learned more about the powder blue haired male, that he wanted to be a hero but because he could disintegrate , they made fun of him and called him a villain instead. But finding a locket with a note attached from his grandmother changed that. She was strong, and a hero herself. She encouraged him to be one, for them to meet someday when he was older and him to become a great hero. It kept him strong, and its how hes a vigilante now. Happy to know more of his story [ ] explained how she wanted to be one too, but also wanted to make uniforms for them. The two went on into the night, talking about the issues outside and the running rapid of the villains whileist other things. Tomura learned that she liked video games which opened a whole new world of things thye could do together.

As midnight rolled around he started to get up , grabbing his things which caught [ ]’s attention “Your leaving?” Looking back at the doe like eyes he couldn't help but sigh and smile at her “Yeah...should go out and see whats to been seen” before he left she got up and strolled over to him “Well its unsafe out there, could you...maybe..stay?” With each word her voice got quieter before she was just silent, messing with his fingers “You want me to stay with you?” Tomura asked before she shook her head, eyes meeting his “Yknow youre nice..and i am a bit of a drifter..” Thinking over the odds out loud he gave her a small smile “Ill stay”

And that's how it was for weeks, them staying together in [ ]’s home, eating together, playing games, shopping for groceries. It was a comfortable thing between the two, sharing the place together like roomates. Tomura was like her protector, not letting her get very far without him and [ ] took care of him when he was injured or just needed reassurance. All and all everything was good except….he knew he had fell for her. [ ] was sweeet to him, gentle and overall just careful of how she helped him. She didnt rush him to anything, was gentle and gave him time to relax and to be comfortable with her. It was painful, for them to be close but yet have different opinions on how they feel about being close and for Tomura it was harder than usual for him having a crush on her.

Fiddling with a pen in the kitchen, Tomura heard [ ] come down the hall , skipping up to him as she gave him a smile he learned he was smitten for “Hey Tomu whatcha up to?” she asked as he gave her a smile of his own back “Ah just thinking about something….whats up?” He asked as the girl came over and gave him a hug, something he wasn’t used to but something he craved every day more than he’d like to admit. Wrapping his arms around her shoulders he chuckled as she slightly squeezed him tighter “Just wanted to check on you that’s all.” Going to move away [. ] felt Tomura pull her closer, burying his face atop her head “Tomu...whats wrong?” She asked as he said nothing, tightly holding her even more as she rubbed his back, knowing this was his silent way of showing he was worried about something “wh’ nt y be m’ plr wo” the male said, muffled on her head. Laughing, she moved her chin to his chest “What're you talking about?” He reluctantly pulled away , their eyes locking as he soon looked down, scratching his arm “I..nothing...thinking out loud. Don’t worry about it” Beofre he could slip away she grabbed his arm, turnighg him back to her. “Tomura...what is it?” Chewing his bottom lip he sided before taking her hand in his, rubbing the smooth skin with his rough glove “I said..why can’t you be my player two” Blinking almost comically [. ] giggled “Well I can be! What game do you wanna play?” Shaking his head Tomura dropped her hand , stepping back as he barely glanced at her “This game called life [. ]...I want to...have you around me all the time, I..really cherish having someone so sweet to me and who cares about me and how I feel..you make me feel more alive and comfortable in my skin then I’ve ever felt before..and I..want to be selfish and make you mine..” He finished with a sigh before looking out the window “ But I know you won’t feel the same so..it’s quite alright”

As soon as he said that he felt a hand at the back of his shirt, pulling him back to his crush, a woman he couldn’t face and now that he laid his feelings out he didn’t want her to pity him. “Tomura look at me” Hearing his full name scared him but Turning around he was surprised to see [. ]’s small smile growing to a larger one once he faced her “Here, give me your hand” Holding her own out he put his hand in hers. To make him even more disarray she undid his gloved to reveal his hands, damaged and scarred from before he could control his powers. Soon he felt soft lips his the bare skin, which every kiss an electric shock went through his body before he felt her fingers lace in his. Wide crimson eyes looked at soft [. ] ones as she took in a breath “I..I’m so happy you told me Tomu, I was afraid you were gonna leave here aha..” letting out a soft laugh she unwrapped a hand to hold his face “I would love to be your player two, I’ll be here for you as long as you need me okay?” Giving her a slight pout he barely lifted his own hand to trace a pinky on her cheek “But what if I need you forever” laughing again and moving closer she stood on her toes to rub noses “Then that’s what it’ll be” Becore he could stop himself he realeased her hand and pressed his lips against hers, hearing the soft gasp she let out as he pushed his lips harder on hers before he felt her relax, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissed him back just as hard. As the kiss got from hard and desperate they slowly started to get more intimate, the kiss softening up until Tomura pulled away breathless as [. ] was too, the both of them letting out light giggles “Wow..that was..” “Great..” Finishing his sentence [. ] gave him another hug, the two of them holding eachother in the middle of the floor “Hey [. ]..” he said as she hummed, before he continued “Let’s kiss again” Giggling she moved her head to meet his , lips sealing for another round of needed affection, the Rü them of their hearts drowning out the mayhem that brought them together.

#my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha x reader #bnharem collab #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki tomura #shigaraki x y/n #reader x shigaraki #shigaraki fluff

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collisiondiscourse · 3 years

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getting over a fear

im gonna be trying something new, i suppose. this isnt a serious post or anything, so if youre uninterested or whatever, feel free to keep scrolling on by!

i just wanted to get something off my chest.

as an fan artist and a fandom content creator with a pretty good following (thanks for 1.2k!), theres quite a lot that i never really let myself do because all my life i taught myself that i shouldnt.

one of them is make my own original content.

for a lot of people, its pretty normal to make your own OCs. make self inserts for fandoms, or stories that are your own entirely. its fun! amazing even.

but for as long as ive been online, ive never really let myself make my own art. art that was for me or had nothing to do with fandoms i liked.

and it was weird. it was a combination of things that stopped me from expressing myself to things like cringe culture to even discouragement online because no one wants to really see original content from someone they followed primarily for bnha content. i didnt let myself make stories of my own or have fun with self inserts because, well, i assumed it was just cringy or a waste of time since it wouldnt help my following/reputation grow.

it got so bad that over the recent course of a year... i can count on maybe three fingers the amount of times i drew something for myself. something original.

i dont have a sona. the common depiction you see of me is really just a simplified and edited version of what i kind of look in real life. i dont write original content. every idea and trope i think of thats vaguely interesting gets fed and beaten into a framework for fanfic. i don't even have designs for OCs that i claim to have, excluding ones that were made as extensions of actual characters.

looking back on it now as i try to assemble drawings to maybe put in a portfolio... i realize that im not happy with where it is. i dont have enough original content to fill the pages of my sketchbooks and think of when i sleep. ive given up on being an individual because of all my fears and internalized hatred for original content.

so, now im planning to get over my fears!

i'll still be a bnha blog, if thats what some of you are worried about. im still very much obsessed with deku and will be here for as long as i can manage. but im gonna be trying something new. im gonna try and make my own content now and make things i enjoy. maybe ill finally design my OCs. talk about stories that arent made to be fanfic at all.

and i hope with all my heart that you guys would still be here to enjoy my content along the way :] ♡

#codi.txt #long post #sorry i just needed to get this off my chest. i wanted to finally take the leap and get over my irrational fear #of making OC content and shit aha

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thesaunatest · 3 years

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MY HUGE THEORY ON EL’S PLOTLINE IN S4

before you guys even start, YES I know that 99.9% of what I say is going to be wrong but this is literally just for fun.

its march 1986, middle of the school year and el HATES school

when we left her she was barely literate and had just started getting accostomed to speaking full sentences, NOWHERE NEAR a 9th grade level, so shes struggling in her classes to say the least

on top of that, she barely knows how to socialize with other people, so shes evidently getting picked on

with joyce and jonathan both working to keep the family afloat, will and el get left alone alot

but outside of the party, they socially have nothing in common

in fact, will is adapting to the new town a whole lot better than el. he fit right in with all the creative kids he met in class, but el didnt mesh with that crowd

anyway, our girl is sturggling

the only time she really has fun is when she visits hawkins, or when someone from the party visits them

which leads us to spring break

mike obviously comes to visit, and el doesnt want them to waste a single second so she begs mike and will to come explore the town with her

at this point joyce is already in her detective mode, hatching a rescue plan for hopper so she doesnt notice theyre gone

and jonathan is battling the heartbreak of nancy ghosting him when she was supposed to come visit

so the trio goes off on an adventure without anyone noticing.......... or so they think

because brenner is back, and he knows el is with the byers, but he cant go and snatch her because he doesnt have the resources all the way in california

in fact, he doesnt have the resources at all. his numbers experiment is seen as a catastrophic failure that lead to the deaths of hundreds of lab employees

the only way for him to redeem himself in the community, and gain his funding back is to present his peers with proof that the project can work, so he needs to get one of his numbers back

el is the only one he can track down, but he doesnt think he can do it himself. if she saw him, she could just kill him with her powers, he assumes because he doesnt know she lost them

so who does he employ to get el back to hawkins? lonnie byers

its almost too easy. it doesnt take much to bribe lonnie, and hey, its not like its his kid. so lonnie accepts the bribe, and goes all the way out to california to find el

he shows up at the byers house..... only to find it completely deserted. so he waits

and the trio finds him there after their day out (why are you here? what do you want? where are mom and jonathan?)

and lonnie, being as crafty as he is, comes up with a good excuse on the fly (hes craftier than i am because i genuinely have no idea what he would say)

anyway, he gets them in his car and on their way back to hawkins

jonathan shows up after theyve already left, and is too stoned tired to think anything of the empty house

and joyce is already halfway to russia

will knows his father. he knows that his father doesnt give a shit about him, the family, or anything about hawkins. he knows that his father wouldnt get involved in anything unless he had something to gain. so hes wraking his brain

maybe.... lonnie pulls over to take a suspicious phone call? maybe will figures out an inconsistency in his story? either way, the gang is onto lonnie and figures that they gotta get away from him and get back to joyce and jonathan

they tuck and roll out of the car. idk. all that matters is that they get out of there

as theyre rolling out of the car, el bonks her head a little and has a quick flashback to her time in the lab

since her intuition is always spot on, she takes this as a cue the breener is back and lonnie is working for him

she tells the boys it isnt safe to go back to california or hawkins, so they come up w an alternative plan, somewhere neither brenner nor lonnie would think to look for them

and while theyre on the road, they stop at a diner to eat (dont ask me where they got the money) and we get will leaving an emotional voicemail home, probably sobbing to jonathan about how much he means to will, which gives el an idea

because who has the resources to help her, as well as a desire for vengeance on brenner? kali

el uses her superb hitchiking skills to get them to chicago

maybe she just has some hints of her powers left, but it isnt too hard for el to find kali

she explains everything thats happened, and lets kali know that if she want revenge, the opportunity is hers

unfortunately, lonnie was hot on their trail, and called for reinforcements

theyre ambushed by the few employees brenner has working for him. initially, everyone is hiding, assisted by kali’s powers

but el knows they arent leaving empty handed, and would rather get taken away then have kali’s freedom taken from her

so el reveals herself, followed by mike because he wont leave her, followed by will because he wont leave mike

all three get taken away, back to hawkins lab, but now kali is even more motivated to bring down the lab once and for all

so kali and her gang get to hawkins, almost simultaniously with jonathan, who has been looking for his family in a frenzy since the morning he woke up to find eveyone gone, without even a note or a phone call, as well as argyle, who came along for the ride

the video store is being used as home base this season, so thats the first place they go, where they find steve, shortstaffed and not knowing whats going on because the whole team ditched him

they catch him up to speed on how EVERYONES GONE and steve catches them up to speed on how EVERYONE IS GETTING MURDERED

meanwhile, brenner has three predicaments

1) no matter what he does to el, what kind of torture he inflicts, she isnt using her powers because she doesnt have them. she tells him this several times. he refuses to believe it

2) lonnie byers is demanding his payment, which he didnt recieve because the deal was that he bring el to them, and he couldnt even do that

3) he has to find a way to dispose of mike and will, who he had no intention of bringing into the lab but theyre here and they know everything

and this is the moment where mike screws up by letting them know that people know theyre in the lab and people know about all the experiments and any second now, someones gonna come banging that door down to save us. nancy, jonathan, steve, robin max, lucas, dustin, kali-

and the second mike says her name he knows he screwed up

brenner decides in that moment that all he can do is round up everyone involved and get rid of them. conveniently, the string of murders occurring will serve as a good cover for what happened to them

and this is the part where joyce, murray, and hopper get back to hawkins

this is also the part where nancy and robin and the gang get back to hawkins

so nancy and robin immediately go to the video store armed with all the new information they learned from victor creel

..... and are met with jonathan, argyle, kali, and steve in pandemonium

they close the store for the day, and get ready to storm the lab

they realize that they need something from the school, so they head there to pick it up

and soon after arriving, theyre met with the all to familiar hawkins lab vans

they make a hasty escape, taking out some of the goons but they need to find a way to get the rest off their trail

they head for the woods, hoping to hide out in the cabin

meanwhile, the russia crew has taken the mostly demolished cabin as their haven to recover from whatever injuries they sustained

theyre all running through the woods, but they realize the people from the lab are closing in on them

and then nancy and jonathan pass a very familiar tree

they use whatever weapon they have on them to break through the bark, and head into the upside down

the lab people keep going into the woods, eventually finding hopper’s cabin

epic showdown between the russia crew and the lab people, joyce, murray and hopper win, they realize the lab is back, immediately head there realizing theyre gonna have to rescue someone

nancy and robin use the info they learned from victor creel to keep the gang alive in the upside down, max, argyle and eddie are freaking out because omg we’re in another dimention, we get some big reveal about the truth about the upside down and the gang makes their way out and head to the lab

and while this is all happening,we get some super emotional monologue between brenner and el (ala-the last 10 minutes of the truman show) and brenner realizes that el isnt going to be the naieve superweapn she used to be, and decides the best thing he can do with el is give her the standard punishment, time in the closet

and being in the closet triggers all sorts of flashbacks and emotions (mbb’s opportunity to show off her acting chops for an emmy)

joyce and hopper bust into the lab like they did in season 1, but this time they dont get caught

they decide to split up to cover more ground, and hopper finds el in the closet

and around the same time joyce finds mike and will and gets them out of there

here comes the REAL emotional performance

hopper sees her, we get a teary eyed “el!” “dad!”, and then hopper gets pulled away from el by lab workers

exactly the same way terry did

we’re watching this happen from el’s perspective, with a heart-wrenching “noooooooooo” from el, accompanied by cuts to every time el has had to be separated from someone she cares about (terry, the s1 ending, billy dying, her leaving kali in s2, saying goodbye to everyone on moving day, her being separated from mike and will when they got to the lab) accompanied by some terribly sad 80s song, then back to the present moment, she reaches her hand out and boom, the guards go flying. her powers are back

except she doesnt have control of them the way she did before, and now shes bringing the whole building down

her and hopper race to the the first floor, and meet joyce and the boys, they get out of the building at the very last second, and the whole thing collapses.

eventually they find the other group, the whole team is now together, they go and take down the big bad from the upside down, joyce almost KILLS lonnie

nancy and robin drop a huge bombshell that has to do with hawkins/the upside down, specifically pertaining to el, which they pieced together after talking to victor creel

we get a massive cliffhanger, season 5 starts like 10 minutes after the ending of season 4

#stranger things #yes i know half the stuff i said is going to be wrong #it would be really cool if it was tho #stranger things theory

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kendrixtermina · 4 years

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Further reactions to "The book of lost tales":

I appreciate that Idril canonically wears armor and does swordfighting.

I feel like I can actually imagine adult!Idril much better now like in armor and with open hair, distraught but ready to fight while babby Earendil does not yet realize the danger...

My first thought is that Earendil was probably cute in that baby chainmail. My second thought is OUCH, Idril and Tuor always made sure their growing baby had fitting chainmail cause they felt the apocalypse might get them at any moment. Imagine that, imagine them having the baby armor fitted every year or so :(

Its fun how much of the basic structure already exists but most of what you'd consider the main characters doesn't exist or is scattered across various minor roles The only Prince anywhere in sight is Turgon - Except for Team Doriath, theyre all accounted for. I suppose Maeglin is kinda there in name only with vaguely the same role & motivation, but looks personality and background all did a 180 since. Luthien is still pretty much "princesd classic" at this point, not quite the fearless go-getter from the final version - markedly this version tells Beren that she doesnt want to wander in the wilderness with him whereas the final one says she doesnt care and its Beren still wants to get the shiny so as not to ask this of her and also for his honor.

I mean in the finished version Id consider the 3rd and 4th gen royals to be the main characters (well, alobgside Team Doriath and the varioud human heroes) and theyre hardly here. Imagine the silm with no Finrod!

Feanor had no affiliation with the royal family whatsoever, and is also generally less super. He's just the guy who won the jewelsmithing competition, not the inventor of the whole discipline. Still seems to have been envisionad as a respected member of the community who gets called to the palace for crisis meetings and is listened to when he stsrts giving speeches. From the first he already has the backstory of going off the deep end (or at least growing disillusioned with Valinor) after a family member is killed by Melkor and theyre still the first to die, but its just some other rando unrelated to the royals

The situation regarding the humans is different - instead of Melkor leaking their existence, its Manwe who explains that the other continents were supposed to be for them eventually. So Feanor goes off on a tirade about weak puny mortals comes off as a more of a jerk unlike in the final version where Melkor barely knew about the humans and described them to the Noldor as a threat. On the other hand in this one, also very much unlike in the finished product, Melkor dupes even Manwe into being unfair to the elves as a whole. In this the final version is a definite improvement, both Feanor and the Valar come off as a lot more sympathetic and though still deceived he's partially right in some things at least, so you have more of a genuine tragedy rather than a simple feud

There is something to the idea of Commoner!Feanor tho. I guess some of this survived in his nomadic explorer lifestyle and how both his wife and mother (who arent mentioned here) eventually were the ones to get that background of being not especially pretty ladies who are not from the nobility but got renown, respect and acclaim for their unique talent and contribution to society, with each having invented things and Nerdanel also being renowed for her wisdom. Hes sort of an odysseus-like Figure in that sense. I suppose later developements necesitated that Maedhros & co. have an army not just a band of thieves, which means they needed to be nobles/lords. That said this being a society where artisans are very respected and half the lords have scholarly/artistic pursuits going, the gap was probably not as big to begin with as it might have been in say, medieval England. Esoecially since Nerdanel's father had been given special honor by one of the local deities and that the social order might have been a very recent thing in Miriel's time. One might speculate that the first generation of Lords started out as warriors during the great journey, or perhaps just Finwe's friend group.

Also found that bit intetesting where the Valar have to deal with the remaining political tensions and effects of Melkor's lies on the remaining population in Valinor... - i guess with the change of framing device it was less likely for news of something like this to reach Beleriand. That, or the existence of Finarfin and his repentance made this go smoother this over in later cannon

Turgon's go-down-with-the-ship moment reaaly got to me. Im half tempted to write a fic where his wife, siblings and dad glomp him on arrival in Mandos. I dont care that none of them exists yet in this continuity i want Turgon to get hugs

I love all the additional Detail that got compressed out in the shift from fairytale-ish to pseudohistoric style especially all the various Valinor magic insofofar as it is compatible with the final version - particularly love the idea of the connection between the lamps and the trees that is now integrated into my headcanon forever

Its actually explained what the doors of night are

If I had not already read unfinished tales or volumes X to XII where this is also apparent, this is where I would say: Ah so the Valar were supposed to be flawed characters. Manwe has an actual arc; by the time he sends Gandalf he finally "got" it. I think in the published silm the little arcs of Ulmo and Manwe are mostly just lost in compression/ less apparent when only some of the relevant scenes got in but not all

It occurred to me way too late that the "BG" chars are the most consistent because theyre at the start and most stories are written from beginning to end. Finwe doesnt get a dedicated paragraph of explicit description until HoME X but my takeaway was that he's described pretty much like I always imagined him anyways/ same vibe I always got from him... charismatic, thoughtful, enthusiastic, sanguine temperament, brave in a pinch but at times lets his judgement be clouded by personal sentiment (though that last bit is more apparent/salient as a character flaw once he became the father of a certain Problem Child) ...i guess this would be a result of jrrt having had a consistent idea of him in his head for a long time.

This means Finwe's still alive at the time of the exodus which is just fun to see/interesting to know... Interestingly he sort of gets what later would be Finarfin's part of ineffectually telling everxone to please chill and think it over first while Feanor simply shouts louder (which is consistent with his actions before the sword incident in later canon where he initially spoke out against the suspiciozs regarding the Valar) - but its not exactly the same, he's more active than Finarfin later in that when "chillax" availed nothing he said that then at least they should talk with the other Kings and Manwe to leave with their blessing and get help leaving (This seems like it would have been the clusterfuck preventing million dollar suggestion in the universe where Feanor is related to him and values him) but when even that falls on death ears he decides that he "would not be parted from his people" and went to run the preparations. I find it interesting that the motivation is sentiment/attachment (even phrased as "he would not be parted from [his people]" same words/ expression as is later used for the formenos situation), not explicitly obligation as it later is for Fingolfin (who had promised to follow Feanor and didnt want to leave his subjects at the mercy of Feanor's recklessness )

Speaking of problem children. It seems the sons of Feanor were the Kaworu Nagisa of the Silmarillion in that originally all they do is show up at some point and kill Dior as an episodic villain-of-the-week. And then, it seems their role got bigger in each continuity/rewrite... probably has something to do with the Silmarils ending up in the title later making it in the sense their story that ends and begins with them. They have zero characterization beyond "fierce and wild" at this point, though in what teetsy bits there is we already have the idea that Maedhros is the leader and Curufin is the smart one/shemer/sweet-talker, though not the bit where Maedhros (or Maglor, or anyone really) is "the nice one". Which I guess explains why "Maglor" sounds like such a stereotypical villain name.

"The Ruin of Doriath" was purportedly the patchworkiest bit of the finished product, but I never noticed and it actually left quite an impression of me upon first reading, the visual of Melian sitting there with Thingol's corpse in her arms contemplating everything thinking back to how they met... she had the knowledge to warn him not to doom himself but couldnt get him to understand it because he doesnt see the world as she does.... After reading this though I wish there was a 'dynamic' rendition that combined all the best bits like, youd have to adapt it to the later canon's rendition of the dwarves, have Nargothrond exist etc. But i mean that just makes Finrod another dead/doomed relative of Thingol's whom bling cannot truly replace, like Luthien and Turin. In the Silmarillion you could easily read it as just an "honoured guest treatment" but here and in unfinished tales I get the impression that Thingol actually did see Turin as a son.

Already you see the idea of trying to make the stories all interconnected but there is less than there will be (the human heroes aren't related yet and there is basically no Nargothrond, which is later a common thread for many of the stories - a prototype shows up in the 'Tale of Turambar' tho complete with half baked prototypes of Orodreth and Finduillas

O boi im not even through yet

#silmarillion #the book of lost tales #history of middle earth #baby reads HoMe

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nonbinaryresource · 4 years

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ive been thinking abt this for a little while & have been needing to ask someone abt it. i am nb & have always considered myself trans but recently ive not been vibing with the trans label bc i am so sick of seeing ppl exclude & invalidate nb ppl. ik that i shouldnt stop doing smth just bc other ppl r being assholes but its so tiring to see ppl constantly say how u dont belong or arent valid. srry this is long & kinda rambly i just dont really know how to feel abt it

I will directly address your ask, but I’m going to start by telling you a story about my journey with identifying as asexual and queer.

When I was about 11, my friends suddenly started drooling over magazines and calling people hot, and I didn’t know what it was, but I knew I did not feel whatever it is my friends were feeling.

Until I was about 16/17, this part of me remained a mystery to me and to my friends. I never had crushes, I never found people hot, I never liked complimenting people physically, I was uncomfortable with sex on TV, and I didn’t even like platonic touch. Now my group of friends were all repressed and closeted queer folk, so I didn’t have to deal with “being left behind” as my friends dated. But the later we got into high school, the more my friends began discovering and exploring their sexualities. A freshman became a part of our friend group and was openly trans and gay. One friend came out as gay. Another as bi. They started commenting more and more about other’s looks and having crushes.

Still, there was nothing on my end. My friends used to think I was just being vague and secretive because this is what I tended to be like. I don’t think they’ve ever realized how much of it was that I truly didn’t know or understand what my lack of sexual feelings meant or that it could even mean anything. I used to just consider it a “nothingness” of myself. Until, by complete chance, I came across the term asexual. I immediately connected with it. It explained so much that I didn’t even know I needed explained.

I came out quickly after that and I was really excited and happy and proud to know who I was and what how I felt meant. My friends were great and supportive. My mom was a little ignorant but overall supportive. AVEN was great and a community for me. But if I tried to talk about it anywhere else online…

Well, the effects of how people treated me would fester for years. See, I came out as asexual before exclusionism (the specific movement of anti-aro and anti-ace erasure and gatekeeping from lgbt+ spaces) was a movement or a named thing. Yet exclusionist attitudes were exactly what I faced. My queer friends all completely accepted me as one of them and I helped co-run our school’s new GSA with the rest of them. But online, as a teen, I was facing 30+ year olds telling me I wasn’t queer and that I was just trying to seem special and that I needed to shut up about my asexuality and my experiences and that I wasn’t valid and that asexuality wasn’t a real thing and that even if asexuality was a real thing it wasn’t valid and it certainly didn’t matter.

I graduated high school and went to college and was no longer really in touch with my group of friends. I therefore completely cut myself off from any lgbt+/queer community, even though a friend invited me to join the college’s queer association. I stopped participating so much in online asexual spaces. I become wrapped up in other things.

A couple of years went by and a lot of things in my life changed. By chance, mod applications for a blog about aro and ace headcanons for a fandom I enjoyed came across my dash. I had extra time on my hands and thought I could help, so I applied and was accepted. This increased my exposure to the aspec community again and thrust me back in… just around the time exclusionism was becoming a specific and named movement of bigotry.

At the same time I resisted these ideals, I was also still hurt and unhealed from what I’d gone through as a teen. I internalized a lot of the hatred and gatekeeping. I was so hurt and so tired. I just wanted to be able to exist in peace. And people I considered myself one of were harassing me and dismissing even my biromanticism. So I struggled with my identity and my asexuality. I did not specifically become an exclusionist, but I turned my back on the lgbt+ community and spaces. I did not consider myself lgbt+ because I learned that doing so only brought pain and upset and made me feel alone and isolated. I didn’t speak a lot on exclusionism or inclusionism, but at some point I did make a plea to my fellow aspecs to just let the larger community go and be our own community and accept that maybe we could be straight. I did it out of desperation and hurt, wanting to stop feeling targeted and attacked and to stop seeing the fighting on my dash and in the tags. I just wanted us all to be happy and feel accepted and supported.

On that post, one wonderfully kind and patient person opened up a discussion with me, explaining their own hurts over exclusionism and being so damn exhausted of them and fellow aspecs being targeted and excluded and written out and not supported and feeling like they had to split their asexuality from their other queer identities and how being asexual was a part of them and how it had strongly shaped their experiences, especially with realizing and coming to terms with the other parts of their queer identity. And through their raw honesty I came to realize… I had never stopped to process the harassment I had faced and the pain and hurt that cut me so deeply.

It was a changing point for me. I realized that I had handled my pain in a bad way and had ended up lashing out at other aspecs instead of the people who were actually hurting me. I realized how much I had hurt myself and held myself back and cut myself down and dismissed parts of myself trying to fit into the box exclusionists had laid out for me, as if I could ever made them happy enough to stop harassing me and just let me exist. I cut myself down for them, but the truth is that exclusionists don’t just want aspecs “out” of the community. They want to hurt us. They want us to hurt. They want us to doubt ourselves. They want to feel strong and powerful, and they feel they can achieve this through bullying us. Perhaps some, like myself, are trying to appeal to their oppressors by pointing out another vulnerable group they could target more/instead. They are passing on hurt instead of standing up to it and so they are actually festering in hurt instead of changing anything.

Today, I am a staunch inclusionist. I understand myself and the issues aspecs face much better. I am a more compassionate person regarding the confusion and upset aros and aces have over their identity and their place in the world. I feel more stable and confident regarding my identity as an asexual - and now as an aromantic - queer person who is lgbt+.

But it was a long, hard, difficult journey to get here. It was full of a lot of turmoil. I wish I would have had a happier journey where I felt more supported and accepted, and I hope I can help provide more stability and support for future generations to not have to go through what I did.

My point (or one among a few, anyway) is that I deeply and personally understand how you are feeling and the decision facing you now. As someone who went through a very similar experience, my advice to you is to take care of yourself and to prioritize your mental health.

It’s okay if you can’t handle identifying as trans right now. Maybe you do need some space from the label (and definitely from the hatred and gatekeeping). Maybe you need to pull back from certain communities or blogs or discussions.

However, I will say that not identifying as trans may not bring the peace you desire. It may end up making you feel even more isolated. Not identifying as LGBT+ certainly didn’t help me. It was reactionary and it only made me feel like there were less spaces for me. That said, you may find peace in this. But I think the bigger action to take is to separate yourself from those who are saying harmful things more than to separate yourself from a label you feel really suits you. Use your block button liberally. Don’t force yourself to partake in spaces where gatekeeping is allowed or encouraged. Follow and listen to more people who are inclusive.

I think burnout like this is unfortunately pretty common. You do not have to force yourself to face this hatred or exhaustion because you think it’s the right thing to do. It’s okay to pull back and just take care of yourself. Just work on some self-care. Work on building up a community of people around you who don’t resort to bigotry and hatred and exorsexism and gatekeeping and identity policing. Engage only with what you can actually, honestly handle.

We will confront and move past this bigotry only by acting as a united front. The responsibility for improving things isn’t on any one person’s shoulders. And no one needs to be on the front lines 100% of the time, especially at the cost of their own wellbeing. Take care of yourself and rest now before you completely burn out and break down.

You do not have anything to prove, okay? I have both hope and faith that there is a lot more to your journey - a lot more good things and a lot more happiness and belonging. Take whatever time it is you need to help heal yourself and recover from the hurt and harassment that’s been plaguing you. You are important and you matter, much moreso than whatever label you use at whatever point in time. It will be okay.

I am here for you.

~Pluto

#mod pluto #validation #exorsexism #gatekeeping #exclusionism #long post #identity policing #self care #identity #coping #queer #lgbt #mod tera #anonymous #ask #answered #asked #nonbinary

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all-the-heart-you-cannot-see · 4 years

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I think wtfocks first messy episodes are actually really smart.

We have a sense of Robbe's life being chaotic and him not knowing how to deal with that, we have his friends always talkin about girls and not realizing Robbe isnt into it as much, we have a girlfriend kept maybe in an effort to have more in common with his lifelong friend(s) (at least Jens) cause he has all the reasons to believe Moyo might be a dick about if he finds out and Jens may also follow his lead, as with everything else. We have him not being able to reconcile how he feels with the fact that her mother is in a mental institution and thats why he keeps avoiding her. For him it probably feels like his whole life is falling apart before his eyes.

And then we have moments where everything is chaotic but it is a chaos Robbe enjoys. Milan with his boyfriend eating whipped cream and Senne (the epitome of straight rich white male in Skam) not being weirded out at all to eat whipped cream too, him not overreacting to anything "gay" that Milan does. Its still chaotic, cause it wont stop being it until Robbe decides to actively fix his life (his relationship with his mother and friends) but at least he is not suffering that much.

And then we meet Sander, and that whole clip radiates chaotic energy, but again, something Robbe is comfortable with, its like who is this stranger that has come into his life singing Bowies songs and making him smile? What right has he to say his smile is expensive and then continue on like nothing has happened, to touch him like they've known each other for years???

And its only going to get more chaotic from here, when they finally decide to be together, Robbes entire world is going to actually fall apart. The girl squad likes Noor and Britt, they arent going to be mad not because he is gay, but because of what they did to the girls. And the boysquad? Man i hope Moyo surprises me but u thunk he is going to be a homophobic little piece of shit and Robbe will porpusely try to isolate himself from Jens as long as he cans to try avoid the comfrontation.

At last, i hope Robbe's season ends with a sense of things finally falling into place. The boysquad having an actual braincell instead of just hormones, Robbe having an actual group of people who supoort him and he can feel confident around (im clowing over here hoping they dont make Noor a complete idiot after what happens, cause i love her), him getting some type of closure with whats happening with his mother (Sander has to help with that), and finally, Robbe just geniunly smiling for more than just Sander, happy because the mess that was his life finally resolved and because if it ever becomes a mess again he has friends he can trust and a loving boyfriend.

#wtfock #rosander #robbe #sander #robbe x sander

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dojadogedog · 4 years

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~Long ass post about my relationship~

(Might wanna ignore this)

So i came across my old crush posts about my now bf and realized i havent talked about him on here in a while and i might use this to explain stuff to my friends

Ive been hiding this all for a while and trying to deny it but like

as of now the last time we talked/texted was really awkward and short and before that we didnt talk for like a whole 25+ days and before that, even before quarantine, we would do the same thing and like not talk for a few weeks then talk a bit but it would usually be really awkward

And quarantine has like,, kinda forced me to reflect on our relationship and i realized stuff like this was really common for us and that ive never felt 100% (or even like, 65% tbh) comfortable talking to him about stuff, especially personal stuff.

A smaller thing is his best friend hates me and has a crush on him so she would try to like "take him away from me" (weird way to say it but its the only way i can think of saying it lol) and yeah i got pretty jealous of it. And there was a lot of times where he'd pay a lot more attention to her than me and like,,, it hurt, y'know?

And another thing is he barely showed me any physical affection, which sucks a lot bc physical affection is super important to me especially in a romantic relationship. Theres been a few times (earliest being 4 months in the relationship, latest being like 7 months in the relationship) where i wanted to hold hands w/ him and he avoided it. i get that some people arent into physical affection, but like,, its something i need personally.

and thinking about this now i definitely should try to talk things out w/ him and like try to salvage the relationship w/ him but i dont want to. And like, thats the thing. I dont feel very determined to try to keep this relationship going.

And theres been a ton of times where i want to tell him something (little things and big things) but like i get way too anxious too and just keep quiet about it. And now whenever i see hes active on social media i leave to avoid him and i get VERY anxious when he messages me. Like, ive had a few panic attacks from it. And even just seeing his name and/or profile makes me nervous. Im not sure why im reacting like this though. Hes done absolutely nothing to me. Hes a good person and our relationship was never toxic and definitely not abusive. We just never had/have good communication. Other than the communication thing we had a really really nice relationship and he made me very happy and i think i made him happy too

Half of me is super sure that i want to break up but the other half is like "what if you regret it though and this is just a temporary feeling?" because thats happened before. Not necessarily with relationships but definitely friendships and other things too.

Plus the aftermath of it is gonna suck really bad. Everyone at school (and even one of my family members and some teachers) knows that we're dating. And we kinda became like the "power couple" or whatever of our school bc of how long we stayed together compared to the other relationships and everyone (including teachers) thinks we're super cute together. Only one of my friends is kinda aware that ive been thinking about this stuff. theres also a ton of stuff that he gave me (a stuffed animal, his hoodie, a ***necklace, and more) and that i gave him (heart sunglasses, *bracelet, a **ring, and more). His sister also follows me on instagram so thats gonna be awkward. And even worse, he might be going to the same school as me again next year. He was supposed to move to a different state over the summer but he made it to the math team for next year so i have a feeling he might not be moving anymore and the corona shit probably messed up his chances of moving too in some way. Unless maybe, like, he tried out for math team before he thought about moving, which is what im hoping for, but still

***the necklace he gave me is pretty expensive looking and he said he spent most his money on it. It has his and his siblings' names on the back and in it it has their birthstones shaped as hearts :')

*basically the bracelet i got him were matching bracelets. Theyre those ones that are meant for ldr relationships and you double tap them then the other person feels it. They were pretty expensive, almost 200$ i think. His died and he tried charging it but it didnt work so he stopped wearing it which made me sad but i never said anything. There was another bracelet i gave him too. It was a best friend bracelet thing and it was one of those hearts that connect and it said "partners in crime". His broke as soon as he put it on but he wore it anyway and eventually he just. Stopped wearing it. (If its of note, i lied to my family about both of these and said that i gave them to friends 'cause im not allowed to date) i lowkey want it back now so that i can give it to someone else but theres basically no way i can get it back w/ out getting our families involved which is a horrible idea on many, many levels

**so the ring,, oh boy. This was very stupid of me. I got two Yungblud rings from hot topic that came together and are intended for one person to wear. one of em didnt fit me very good so when i got to school i was like "fuck it" and gave it to my bf. long story short we got 'married' on valentines (after dating each other for like, 5 months) using those rings. Technically it wasnt legit but we treated it like an actual thing and got a teacher involved. I even brought cake. We had it all planned out shit. It was pretty fun ngl but god damn i was stupid to do that so soon. We even kinda thought about getting actual legal files for it and now im very glad we didnt. I want the ring back too but, again, cant get it without our families getting involved and thats a very, very bad idea.

(And dont worry, after all this i most likey wont date for a while. Hopefully by then i'll learn ways to prevent this from happening again)

#🌿❤️#abuse mention #tldr: my life's a mess

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sincerelywhiterose · 4 years

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1/2huh, i always thought/saw that the gay flag with either greener or teal tones on top was meant as man loving man, and i didnt realize that there was a distinction, thank u for explaining!. but i have a question: how common is the idea of separate flags for mlm and gay man/is this an original idea? im just sortof. conflicted abt it. functionally mlm and gay man are the same or am i missing a thing? and aaa i dont mean to like, encroach im just curious ad to why there needs to be a distinction

2/2 like lemme explain: making a distinction between gay male and man loving man in this kind of way seems,, eh yaknow? maybe im reading too deep and i know its not the point if the post at all! but it seems making the distinction is getting close to making a platform for "holier than thou" kinda stuff towards men who are or arent exclusively attracted to men, when functionally the flags mean the same thing, represent men loving men, regardless of exclusivity (h does that make sense ig? sorry)

-----

The idea of creating a separate flag for gay men does seem like a more recent thing, but it makes sense (at least to me) in the grand scheme of things. Bisexual people were the first group to have a flag of their own beyond the rainbow flag that gained widespread recognition (in 1998), followed shortly by lesbians and trans people (both in 1999, with the original lesbian flag being the purple design with black labrys). Seeing as how the rainbow flag has become increasingly recognized as a symbol for the whole community rather than just gay men, it seems fitting that gay men too should be able to have their own distinct pride flag.

As for mlm versus gay as terms, they are related terms but have distinct meanings. While gay men are men attracted exclusively to other men, mlm is a catchall term that includes non-monsexual men (e.g. bi men) as well as gay men. Whether someone who could ID as mlm chooses to or chooses not to is all a matter of personal preference, it is a useful term for succinctly referring to all non-straight men. I personally like mlm (and achillean) as descriptors for myself as a bi man- because while I may not be gay, my identity as a man who loves men is still an important part of who I am nonetheless.

I hope this helped to answer your questions for you!

#ask #answered #anon

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hbtibtjufr-blog · 5 years

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5 Little Tricks To Know Can You See Who Viewed Your Instagram Video Online

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thetravelerwrites · 6 years

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Commitments: Part 2 (Gargoyles Fanfic)

Rating: Teen Fandom: Disney’s Gargoyles Relationships: Goliath x Elisa Maza Additional Tags: Marriage, Wedding Day Trigger Warnings: Light Language, Sex Mention Words: 3443

It's the day of the ceremony. Elisa has a heart to heart with her mother and father. Please leave feedback!

October 24th, 1999: Goliath and Elisa had chosen this date for the ceremony because it was five years to the night of their first meeting, when he had plucked her from the sky after, admittedly, scaring her off a parapet.

Unfortunately, their union could only be symbolic and not legal. It would also have to be a secret from everyone except for their family and closest friends, but they figured, what else is new? Elisa had long been a target of hate groups for merely having alleged, unconfirmed connections to the Gargoyles, and coming out publicly as one of their staunchest supporters hadn’t done her any favors, but openly marrying a Gargoyle would not only have been extremely controversial, it could have cost her her job, home, safety, and possibly even her freedom.

After talking with Amy, Goliath’s public defender who now acted as the Gargoyles’ legal representation in all civil matters, he had learned that there was a law prohibiting humans from marrying any being that was not also human, regardless of level of sentience or intelligence. Which meant that Elisa’s relationship with Goliath was technically bestiality and as such, illegal. Attempting to obtain a marriage license could have landed them both in jail.

There had been no such law as of 1997, Amy had told him, and she surmised the law had been pushed through in secret around the same time the Gargoyle Civil Rights Movement was being fought in court.

Eighteen months after Gargoyles had become public knowledge, the Gargoyles of the Manhattan Clan and many of their allies had testified in front of a grand jury for the Gargoyles’ very right to exist without persecution. After a lengthy battle and many sacrifices and concessions, they had won.

Following the trial, a bill had been passed granting the Manhattan Clan American citizenship, basic civil rights, and put them on the endangered species list, which automatically protected them against unlawful imprisonment, exploitation, experimentation, assault, and murder.

Before the GCRM, ending a Gargoyle’s life had no legal ramifications whatsoever, but after the bill was passed, the act of killing a Gargoyle while they were awake had been classified as murder. Any person responsible for the killing of a Gargoyle could face up to 25 years in prison.

Destroying a stone Gargoyle was seen as a “common law murder” and carried with it a much lesser sentence, but the prosecution would have to prove that the stone statue the defendant destroyed was a living gargoyle. Otherwise it was simply malicious property damage, though it could possibly be tried as a hate crime.

The bill also protected any human that associated with the Gargoyles from retaliation or discrimination, which finally allowed Elisa the chance to proudly support her friends for the entire world to see. It felt great to stand with them as an advocate after hiding them and keeping her friendship with them a secret for so long.

Despite this historic victory for their kind, there was still much prejudice and hatred toward Gargoyles and the people who stood up for them. Their bold willingness to take on public opinion had afforded them some liberties, but in the eyes of the world, Gargoyles were still practically animals, and the bill had done nothing to change that.

There were new laws in place to protect Gargoyles against threats and violence, but seemingly nothing to defend them from discrimination. In fact, several xenophobic laws that had not previously existed prior to the GCRM seemed to have quietly popped up out of nowhere.

There was a law that protected the right of any public, private, or federally owned business to refuse service to Gargoyles, including hospitals and clinics. Gargoyles also could not secure a job, license, or any property that exceeded $2000 unless they could procure a valid social security number, while at the same time there was a law prohibiting Gargoyles from legally obtaining a social security number. Gargoyles were also barred from attending any state funded schools, including trade programs, and could not earn any certificate, diploma, or degree. Amy was working to change the laws, but progress was slow and she was meeting opposition from all sides.

It baffled Goliath and infuriated Elisa, who was now forced to uphold these ridiculous laws. She hated it. It was unconstitutional and disgusting and she loathed every second that she had to be a part of it. It very nearly caused her to quit the justice system altogether, because this wasn’t justice, it wasn’t freedom, it wasn’t the same system that had convinced her to join the police force in the first place.

This was a perversion of civil liberties, bigots hiding behind a mask of equality, using the publicity of the Movement as a distraction to quietly impose their will on her friends without anyone realizing it. It made her sick to her stomach, mostly because there was nothing she could do to fix it.

The only thing stopping her from planting her boot firmly inside someone’s rear end the next time she heard the term “flying rats” was Goliath’s steady patience and temperance. He constantly reminded her that no one couldn’t stop them from affirming their love for each other, regardless of these new laws. He didn’t care who found out or how many jail cells he’d have to sleep in, he was committed to becoming her mate and nothing would stand in his way.

He loved her; nothing else mattered. He told her this every night, and every night she needed to hear it just to maintain her daily composure. But she was still angry.

The day of the ceremony arrived cool and comfortable. Elisa awoke at noon in her parent’s apartment, where Beth, Maggie, and Derek had also been staying, not just for moral support but protection in case word got out.

Since there were six hours until sundown, the process of getting ready was leisurely and relaxed. Elisa had decided to forgo several things considered normal for a wedding. There would be no bridesmaids or groomsmen, no flower girl or ring bearer, no best man or maid of honor. How would they choose one, anyway?

The ceremony itself would be short and simple with no frills or embellishments, other than Goliath and Elisa reciting vows that they had written for each other.

One thing would be done according to tradition, her father insisted, was walking her down the aisle himself. The ceremony would be taking place in the main hall of Castle Wyvern. Goliath would be standing at the fireplace with Diane with all their friends and loved ones gathered around them, and Peter would hand her off to Goliath. But, she said pointedly, he would not be giving her away as if she were property. Peter had held up his hands in acquiescence, laughing.

She wouldn’t be wearing a wedding dress; she instead wore a simple gown made of sapphire blue satin, to match the ring, with a low back and a short train. Attached to the straps was a small glass lily suspended on a silver chain that would dangle halfway down her spine. It was sleek and elegant with just a hint of slink. Beth had bought it for her in New Orleans during her post-semester vacation a few months ago, before Goliath had even asked Elisa to wed him. She and Beth often didn’t see eye to eye on fashion, but she had to admit this dress seemed like it was made for her.

She wouldn’t wear a veil or carry a bouquet, either. She did put her hair up, though, held back with a kanzashi in the shape of a blooming peony that Katana had given her as a wedding gift.

An hour before sundown, Elisa and her party loaded into two taxis and headed toward the Eyrie building. Maggie and Derek took to the rooftops and likely would arrive at the castle before them.

As they approached the building, Elisa had to admit she was feeling nervous. She tapped her foot anxiously and wrung her shaking hands.

“Wedding jitters?” Diane asked, sitting beside her.

“Yeah, I guess,” Elisa replied shakily.

Diane laid a calm, warm hand on her daughter’s cold, clasped ones. “Second thoughts?”

“No,” Elisa said firmly. “None whatsoever. I love Goliath. Marriage is unnatural for Gargoyles; he’s only doing this for me. And I want this, Mom. I really want this.” She shook her head and exhaled a trembling breath. “I don’t even know why I’m so nervous.”

Diane laughed gently. “It’s completely natural to be a little nervous, sweetheart. I needed several bellinis and a shot of tequila to marry your father, and even then, I thought I might ruin his shiny new shoes. Of course, that could have been the tequila.”

Elisa breathed a soft laugh. She looked at her mother shrewdly. “You’re really okay with this, aren’t you? Me and Goliath, I mean?”

“Of course I am, baby,” Diane said. “I want you to be happy. If Goliath makes you happy, then that’s what I want for you.”

“Dad wasn’t so sure.”

“Yes, but that’s just how fathers are, Elisa,” Diane tutted. “Remember your first boyfriend, Lucas?”

At that, Elisa laughed out loud. “Junior prom, first date, Dad sitting at the dinner table, cleaning his guns. How could I forget?”

“He did that with every boy you brought home,” Diane chuckled. “He also really liked giving those boys a rundown of all his arrests and showing them awful case files, just to shake them up.”

“Ricky ran from the house before I had time to get dressed for our date, remember? He was too scared to even look at me in class for weeks.” Elisa laughed.

Diane nodded, and they found themselves in a fit of giggles, holding each other. After a moment, they tittered to a stop.

“Goliath isn’t intimidated by Dad’s gun collection,” Elisa said.

“No, that he is not,” Diane agreed. “To be honest, honey, those boys you dated before were no match for you. You need a man who is just as strong as you are, even if he isn’t exactly a man. You’re good together. You’re a lifeline for each other. That’s something you don’t just give up on because it’s hard; the trials are what make it all worthwhile. And the two of you have had your fair share of trials. You have earned each other. Nothing else is important.”

Elisa smiled gratefully at her mother and hugged her around the shoulders.

“Thank you, Mama,” She said.

“Always, baby girl,” Her mother replied, returning her hug.

The taxis pulled into the private carport reserved for the Xanatos family. Xanatos had given Elisa and her family a code to use so they could avoid getting out in the company parking complex or in the street outside.

Peter and Beth had exited first, and Peter opened Elisa’s door and offered Elisa his hand, who smiled up at him and accepted it. She walked arm-in-arm with her father to the elevator, with Beth and her mother trailing behind, holding hands.

The sun was going down as the elevator opened to the top floor. The Maza family walked out into the open courtyard to reach the private room just off the main hall, and could see the Gargoyles on their perches in the red-gold light of sunset.

Unlike the other Gargoyles, who faced outward in their typical vigilant poses, Goliath stood inward, straight as a rail, head bowed, with his wings folded around him. According to him, this was traditional gesture for when a Gargoyle declared their intentions for another. It was also traditional to stand in the perch of one’s intended mate, but Elisa didn’t perch, so that aspect was overlooked.

Waiting for them in the private room was Derek and Maggie, who had arrived first as Elisa predicted. Owen had rather thoughtfully put out a small refreshments table for the bridal party. Xanatos had offered to throw them a big wedding with a reception and everything, which Elisa had refused in no uncertain terms. This smaller touch was much more fitting.

Also in the room were the stone figures of Angela and Broadway, crouched defensively around their egg. They were understandably protective of it and had taken to sleeping in this room during the day, as it was far more secure than standing out in the open over a one hundred and thirty story drop. Since the castle no longer had a rookery, and even if it did, keeping a single egg in there would be superfluous, the anxious parents-to-be took to guarding their precious cargo closely. When they were awake, the bundle never left Angela’s arms. Even during missions, Broadway and Angela took turns staying with the egg, keeping it within view at all times.

Elisa understood. It took a very long time for Gargoyle children to be born: six months gestation in the body of the female and then a full ten years as an egg. Elisa thought nine months was a long time to wait for a baby. She couldn’t even imagine the kind of apprehension and patience it took to wait for over a decade to meet your own child.

But, she reflected, if that’s what it took even for humans, she would do it. She would do anything to have a child. Before she met Goliath, it wasn’t something she had given much thought. Back then, she was much more focused on her career and wasn’t sure if she even wanted kids. If and when she decided she did, she figured she had plenty of time. Now that she knew it wasn’t a possibility with Goliath, it was all she could think about.

Elisa had talked to Beth and Maggie about it the night before. Maggie lamented that she wasn’t sure her augmented body was capable of bearing children or what effects her’s and Derek’s altered DNA would have on them. Beth and her girlfriend Serena, both only 21, had no interest in children. They both sympathized with her, but what could be done?

In Goliath, Elisa had found her true equal and soul mate. She was overjoyed to be with him and wouldn’t change a thing about their relationship, other than more social acceptance. Her mother was right, they had earned each other and they deserved to be happy. A child wouldn’t necessarily make it that much better, but still. Still. It would always be in the back of her mind, the one thing just out of reach.

Just as they settled in, cracks began to form in Angela’s and Broadway’s stone exterior. Instead of the normal explosive way they shed their skin, they carefully shifted this way and that to slither out of their cocoon, diligent even in sleep about protecting their offspring.

“Elisa!” Angela exclaimed upon seeing her, rising to her feet. “You look lovely!”

“Thanks, Angela,” Elisa said, embracing her.

“Are you nervous?” Angela asked as Broadway came up behind her, holding the egg.

“A bit,” Elisa said.

“I’ve never seen a human wedding before,” Broadway said. “Other than on T.V.”

“Neither have I,” Angela said.

“Well, this won’t be your average wedding, Big Guy,” Elisa said. “I dumped a bunch of the traditional stuff I didn’t think was necessary. This’ll be pretty bare bones compared to most other ceremonies.”

The door opened. Lexington, Brooklyn, and Katana entered the room with Matsuko, who had her tail wrapped around her father’s hand.

It was an odd contrast to see Brooklyn next to Lexington now, who had at one point been his and Broadway’s equal in age. Brooklyn no longer crouched when at rest anymore; that was apparently a trait among young Gargoyles or ones on the smallish side, like Lexington. Brooklyn had aged over forty years in the time stream, though it was more like twenty in equivalent human years, and his countenance reflected it. He stood much taller than before and straight as a post next to his mate, resting a hand on her shoulder.

Elisa felt a little like Lexington had gotten the short end of the stick. Compared to Broadway and Brooklyn, who were both mated and fathering children, Lexington seemed a little left out. He was always his usual cheerful self, though, and never seemed bitter about how things were.

“This is so exciting!” He said brightly. “Aren’t you excited?”

“That’s one word for it,” Elisa said wryly.

Katana grinned to see her gift in Elisa’s hair. “It suits you,” she said. Brooklyn smiled fondly at her.

“I love it, thank you again,” Elisa said.

“Goliath is in the Main Hall,” Brooklyn said, his voice deeper than it used to be. “He and the others are setting up and getting ready.”

“We’d better join them,” Derek said, nodding to the others in the room. All except Elisa and her father moved toward the door.

“Hey, guys, before you go,” Elisa said, addressing her Gargoyle companions and her family. “I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am to have you all in my life. You guys have been the best friends I’ve ever had, and I don’t know how to thank you for it. I know that this is all a little alien to you, and I’m honored that you’re all a part of it. I don’t know who I would be without you and I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate each of you. I love you guys.”

“Aw, Elisa,” Lexington said shyly. “We love you, too.”

“I look forward to becoming part of your family,” Angela said. “My father loves you. His joy is my joy.”

“We’d better get going,” Diane said. “I need to get into position and prepare Goliath for the ceremony.”

Elisa nodded. They hadn’t done a rehearsal. This was all being done with no prep-work, largely because the ceremony itself was going to be short and to the point, so they hadn’t felt the need for it. Elisa was rethinking this now, perhaps a bit too late.

The others left to get into their places, leaving her alone with Peter. He held out his hands for hers, and she took them, facing her father and willing herself not to cry.

Peter shook his head, smiling gently at her. “I can’t believe it.”

“What?” Elisa asked.

“My baby girl. My firstborn. Getting married.”

Elisa laughed. “Technically. Not legally.” She looked up at him, wincing. “Does that bother you?”

Peter shrugged. “Laws change. In ten years time, who knows? Maybe you’ll renew your vows with a real license in hand.”

“One can dream,” Elisa said wistfully. She looked up into her father’s eyes. “I’m glad you and Mom are being so cool about all of this. I can’t imagine what you thought when Goliath first spoke to you about it.”

“Well, to be honest, we’d have supported it regardless. Nothing Goliath could have said would have actually mattered,” Peter replied.

Elisa frowned. “Why not?”

“Because I trust my children,” Peter said. “If he had asked you and you said yes, there must have been a damn good reason for it. Even if I don’t fully understand it, it doesn’t mean it’s a bad decision. You’ve always been a good kid, Elisa. You were the one out of all your siblings I never had to worry about. You always had a good head on your shoulders. Hell, you never even had a rebellious phase, and you could have been a real monster if you wanted to be.”

Elisa flinched at the use of the word monster.

“Sorry,” Peter said. “Not what I meant. I should have said disaster.”

She playfully nudged him, laughing a little.

“You’re smart, Elisa,” Peter continued. “Smarter than your old man ever was. If you say this is what’s right for you, how am I supposed to argue?” He pulled her into a hug. “I’m here for you, kid, no matter what.”

She squeezed him tight. “I don’t deserve you guys.”

“Yes, you do,” Peter said. “You deserve the world. What kind of dad would I be if I didn’t give my little girl the world?”

A knock came at the door and Brooklyn peeked his head in. Peter and Elisa parted.

“Everyone’s ready,” He said. Elisa nodded with a shaky smile of thanks, and he withdrew.

“This is it,” Peter said. “Ready?”

“Yes.” Elisa closed her eyes and sucked in a breath, holding it for a five count. She exhaled slowly, opened her eyes, and said, “Lets go.”

He extended his elbow and she hooked her arm through it. Straightening her spine, she let her father lead her out of the room.

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My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

#Fanfiction #Fanfic #Gargoyles #Disney's Gargoyles #Goliath #Elisa Maza #Brooklyn #Broadway #Katana #Angela #Lexington #Peter Maza #Beth Maza #Talon #Derek Maza #David Xanatos #Owen Burnet #exophilia

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