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#arranged marriage bc I seem to have a fic type
hor3nee · 2 months
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• Union •
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Gojo and his arranged marriage with Reader.
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CW/TW: Fem! Reader, Arranged marriage, BREIF Suggestive stuff, Corny Gojo, Reader & Gojo ages implied to be very young (18-23), Gojo typical flirting, SFW (Lmk if I should add anything else!)
Characters: Gojo x Reader
AN: Gojo is bitchless in this fic bc I say so. Pt 2 here.
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Weddings aren't supposed to be this boring. In fairness, boring is better than a bad wedding. Could have a roadhouse-type fight between in-laws, an ex breaking through the doors proclaiming their undying love or a runaway bride. Or a runaway groom. Maybe he should've been a runaway groom? Internally, Gojo's sure it'd be more exciting than sitting in a room full of family and 'friends' who are discussing his marriage more than he's even caring to think of it.
"Congratulations to The Strongest and his bride." Another blanked-out random voice says giving polite blessings to him and the lady dressed in bridal wear beside him, you.
Satoru Gojo, the strongest, they call him, well he calls himself, and yes, he is, he without a doubt is the strongest. Born with the Six Eyes technique after ages of the Gojo clan, while relevant in the Jujutsu world, unable to have a child with such technique for so long, Gojo was instantly hailed heir, no questions asked.
And with all of that, comes responsibilities, that, as immature as the man acts, he does take care of. Responsibilities include many things other than killing curses though, responsibilities include managing the clan, doing his part in Jujutsu society, mentoring the students and keeping peace with the other clans. Just to list the few, less action-based responsibilities. Marriage is an obvious one as well.
And you're the bride.
He knew it was coming. It wasn't specifically because he was the strongest he was gonna be strung into a marriage as quickly as possible, though that played a role in it. He saw it with his parents, relatives, and the other clans, Zenin especially who practiced it most rigidly perhaps, marriage was a necessary part of holding a certain status, it's simply expected. Arranged are ideal.
It's not that he was forced into it either, everyone knows this is Satoru Gojo, he does whatever he wants. He gets whatever he wants, he's spoiled, both by the hands of Jujutsu society that almost worships him for his abilities and his own self, the ego he holds very proudly and very loudly that he shamelessly keeps up. If he wants something, he takes it, if he doesn't, he'll leave. He holds that sort of irrefutable power.
So he's okay with this, with marriage. With an arranged marriage, to you, whatever his reasons are that much is clear.
"You gonna eat that?" He's not asking really, he's already got his freakishly long arm drawled out on the table grabbing the plate out of yours. Fingers wriggling comically and he doesn't even make eye contact, looking at the slice of cake with a deeper passion than he bothered to look at you with. Not that you're expecting it, but.. you are the bride, he is on board.
"..Uh guess not." Is all you can reply, slightly awkwardly as he snatches the slice and gobbles it, humming like an overgrown toddler. Was he feeling as awkward too? He didn't look it, he looked fine, bored out of his over-active mind but not mad or anything. Much less mad at you, nor nervous. You're sat close, right by his side, being the main events the two of you of course, Gojo more so because he's the main event in everything in his life.
"This shit's good." He's moaning now, at cake. Almost makes you cringe but with that huge grin of overabundant confidence he has, he somehow makes it seem less cringe.
"Wedding cake's always good-" He gulps down another piece as he speaks. "Best part of any wedding."
Was that?.. Was that an insult? Felt like it, you're sat there all prettied up prim and proper to marry him, and you know he accepted this marriage and he's calling the cake the best part of the wedding? No, you can't even blame him. If anything you probably agree, save for the overly expensive gifts of cold hard cash the other clans and guests were leaving those were also good parts. Because this is, arranged.
You two, are, for the most part, strangers to each other. Together yes, married actually since you and him signed the legal documents no less than 10 minutes earlier into the wedding.
Still, it's awkward.
Soon the cake is gone, mostly by Gojo's abyss of a stomach, and the guests leave. Caterers clean up and family members give some last tidings before leaving. As well as you, and Gojo.
"So, do you think I'm hot?" He perks, sprawled on the couch with his formal wear lazily pulled off scattering around the floor from when he took it off the instant he was inside the residence. His residence, of course. A grin showing no signs of the tense awkwardness one would expect a young man freshly married to a wife he's only married to through arrangements would be. But no, he's Satoru Gojo, if there's one thing he has, it's an overwhelming amount of self-assurance.
"Do I- Do I think you're hot?" You reply, standing a bit awkwardly in front of him, still trying to process the fact you're sleeping here tonight, no for the rest of your life you'll be sleeping in this house. Home, you should call it, it is your home now. Might take time to properly digest that but it is.
"Yeah, am I hot?" The question is, by his expression, obviously self-explained. He IS attractive, with pretty big blue eyes, tall and decently built, and gorgeous lips too, he knows it, he knows he's hot. Gojo just likes to tease, he's a little shit. 
"I mean, am I attractive to YOU?" He asks again, putting more emphasis. For all the slightly passive-aggressive things he's said the evening and immature behaviour, the question is poised genuinely. He's smirking, humming almost as he asks but the way he looks at you it's also clear that he is asking you, seriously.
His gaze never breaks with yours, and though you only take a second to respond, it feels like an hour with the heavy weight of the situation in your brain and the almost stinging feeling of his wide baby blue bright eyes piercing through yours waiting for your response.
"You... Yes, you are attractive." He is, he knows that already though and that wasn't what he was asking. But you know that wasn't what he asking. His expression doesn't falter though, but there's an obvious disappointment, boredom more specifically in it at your lack of response. You're talking but the words are white paper plain, even you can taste it on your tongue, how chaste you sound. 
"I think you're attractive, too." His reply is more genuine than yours as well, maybe not genuine but a lot more emotion in it. Maybe he's just more confident, which he is no doubt. 
"Thanks-"
"Like, seriously." He whistles, christ that's jarring. "seriously hot." 
He's up off the couch before you can give another disingenuous 'thanks' and standing right in front of you, eyeing you down with little to no attempt to act ceremoniously, which he was showing at least the faintest ounce of at the wedding earlier. That gawky tension of whatever the hell the two of you have going on is back, but not for Gojo. He doesn't even have a semblance of humility in him to feel that tension that's burning inside of you right now.
"We're supposed to like each other, you know." He adds, keeping his eyes trained on your body shamelessly.
It feels like his hands are folded around you but they aren't, they're hanging loosely by his side all dangly as his limbs are, the man is a giant. It's more a feeling, suffocating, as though you've been cornered when you aren't. It's the middle of a decently spaced living room and the front door is unlocked. And Gojo, as devious as his smirk is, would never hold you by the binds of a pressured marriage. If anything, you were almost under the assumption he didn't care for you, or this marriage.
"I guess, yeah." You start. "You like me then?" You finish, a bit bolder now, he's seamlessly talking and you are married now, till death do you part as they say. Might as well match his energy.
"You bet I do, sweetheart." Petnames? Okay maybe too much, he might need to dial it down. But Gojo is Gojo, the strongest, an eccentric man. He doesn't 'dial it down' for anything, or anyone. You're his wife, and he likes what he sees. Smiling as he speaks, genuine and concise in his words, he means what he says. As confusing as this situation is, he is young, he's accepted it, and not begrudgingly at all. "I got me a pretty wife- you, you're my wife, so I like you." 
"Thanks Gojo." Ah, there it is, not disingenuous. Though minimal he picks up on it, you also mean it. Maybe not in the way he means it, maybe more than he means it, who knows, not him. Confident as he says he is with the ladies, he's never actually been with one before, this whole relationship shtick, marriage shtick, is new.
Marriage is built off of love, his elders told him, he saw in shitty rom-coms and pop songs blasting the radio. He'd like that, love, as much immaturity and disregard he’s shown at the wedding, the engagement, the arrangements when he first heard they'd picked a partner for him, it has appeal. And he wants it, and this woman, you, you're going to be the one to give it to him, love. Not today, not tonight. Maybe not in a month or a year, but it'll grow, and fester over time. He's sure, as he is in everything, this marriage will last.
"I'm tired as hell from all that wedding crap," Gojo says, his feet ever so minimally backing off so he isn't smothering you with his presence and wide sapphire-like eyes boring into your understandably unsure eyes. "There's a guest room, I'll sleep there and you can take the main bedroom-"
"I can sleep with you." You cut him off.
"In the guest bedroom??" He questions with a blink, okay so he's a bit stupid. That's okay though.
"No, with you, in our bedroom." You correct him, feeling more assured now, eased by Gojo's, thankfully.
"Right." The cheeky grin is back. Actually, it isn't very annoying anymore, it's kinda attractive. He is attractive that much is sure, but he's starting to be attractive to you. "Let's go sleep in OUR bed then, how's that sound?" 
"Sounds good."
It's oddly domestic, the walk to the bedroom he previously had all to himself, showing you the way, and showing you the bed you're gonna be sleeping in for the rest of your days. The way his slender fingers, which you were almost sure would poke out your eyes, gracefully helped you dissemble the layers of jewelry and fabrics you were dolled up in. His touch was feather-light, in stark contrast to his smug demeanour, making it clear, the boy has never undressed a lady.
Nothing goes further than that though, he doesn't push for anything more, and considering how new and confusing everything still is, you don't either. Instead choosing to lay back, and shut your eyes beside Gojo, letting exhaustion overtake you both and just sleep for the night.
Sleep beside your husband.
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wolfvmin · 2 years
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glimpse of us: exile
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pairing: husband!yoongi x female reader ; namjoon x reader genre: angst, divorce, arranged marriage (but not really), age gap kinda (5 years), unrequited love, pining (reader), fluff wc: 19.5k (my first full fic? :O) playlist: glimpse of us. warnings: read part one first. a lot of pov changes at the party scene, kinda unedited, angst, major 2nd lead syndrome vibes, idk how to tag warnings obviously, kissing, implied sex, lots of flashback scenes, bad writing bc i can't write. note: aaaaaa it's finally here. things didn't go as planned because i didn't expect to be really busy in the first month of junior year in uni T.T !! i'm really sorry to those who waited and thank you for giving me 500+ notes on the first part of glimpse of us. summary: he was the perfect husband and it's a perfect marriage... but it's time to let him go. PART 1 masterlist
“yoongi? are you listening to me?”
the voice that was just an echo on the back of his head grows louder, fishing him out of the abyss of thoughts he’s been having. he looks back at the woman who sits across from him with wide eyes, suddenly realizing he had been out of it again.
“yeah, sorry.” yoongi replies with an obvious lie and straightens up his back. his girlfriend sighs and sips her coffee while avoiding his gaze. he knows that she’s now pissed at him.
“are you really going to think about work while i’m here? we’ve been barely going out as it is and you do this?” yuna’s voice raises at him. he looks around the cafe, worried about the eyes that turned to them.
“can you turn your voice down?” he pleads in a whisper, leaning closer to the woman.
she scoffs at him, crossing her arms. “my voice is not the issue here.”
it was always like this. nothing seems to be going right with them anymore. if they can’t see each other because of their conflicting schedules, they’re either arguing or ignoring each other because of the argument. despite this, yoongi believes it’s just the 7-year itch and if they both try to get through it, they can overcome it.
“i know. i’m sorry.” he sighs and looks down at his drink. “what were you saying again?”
“i told you i met someone.”
it didn’t sink in at first. time stays still as his body goes frozen in his seat.
just a second ago, his mind was as if a desk of a mad scientist, thoughts scrambled as a million worries, ideas, and images run through his head. he was a man that never stopped running, always chasing a prize that was dangling in front of him. and he loved it. but he was too blind to see the truth. he had been doing it wrong all this time.
he didn’t know that six words had the power to boil down years of noise in his head into one word–a question.
“what?”
he sat there in misery as she explained. the words coming out from her mouth swirled in his head like a tornado, swiping every last plan he has in the future for the both of them. it is only now that he takes notice of how her hair is not kept as neatly as it usually is. he recalls how a different smell of shampoo had hit his nose when he hugged her in greeting earlier.
she tells him how she spent the night in another man’s bed but never doing the things expected of a person who’s going behind her partner’s back. she doesn’t do them. no, yuna is not a person to do that. but she tells him of how she yearned to. and that’s why she can’t bear the thought of being with him further.
because she realized that she doesn’t want him anymore.
how her voice trembled when she said goodbye, yoongi doesn’t even notice. the way she stood up from her seat, yoongi doesn’t even look at.
just like that, yoongi was left inside that cafe, sitting where he felt his whole world stop.
he was ashamed of himself.
it’s amazing how in one room, different kind of lives are being lived. some are laughing with their friends, others just enjoying their coffee on a nice and sunny day, a few typing away at their laptops in a buzzing cafe instead of a quiet library, the cafe staff just getting by and doing their job for the day. all of this happening while one man in his seat just felt his whole world shatter just by six words.
now he realizes that the prize he was chasing was tied to him over his head. like a fool, he was chasing something that if only he stops for a moment, he could easily reach it with both his hands. he could have taken it and held it close to him. maybe that way, the swift air from his running wouldn’t have taken it away from him. but it did. and it’s all because of him.
from that moment on, he swore he wouldn’t let such a thing happen again.
but it does.
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a usual monday for yoongi goes like this: first, he eats the breakfast you cook. second, he drives to work. third, he texts you when he arrives. four, he slaves himself to work the whole day and a few hours of the night. fifth, he texts you when he’s about to go home. sixth, he drives home from work at a late hour. lastly, he either finds you asleep or waiting for him while having a midnight snack. 
the monday goes as it does for him at first. so, expectedly, it would continue as it is for the rest of the night. obviously, things doesn’t usually go as it does.
the first unusual thing he finds is how the lights are turned off when he enters the apartment. it doesn’t matter if you’re asleep or watching a movie in the living room, you always leave the dim light by the entrance turned on.
“y/n?”
the second unusual thing that happens is when he shouts your name, no one answers. from that moment, he realizes that you were out of the house. 
the third unusual thing is why didn’t you tell him? were you spending the night at your parents house? out with a friend? or perhaps at work? you always text him if you’re going to be out of the house. so why didn’t you tonight?
worry fills his system at the thought of you being out and him having no idea where. he knows you can handle yourself well but you not telling him where you’ve gone doesn’t feel right to him. 
his hand finds the light switch in the dark like it’s second nature. and just like that, the apartment comes to life with bright lights and a clean atmosphere. 
he doesn’t find the place unusual. everything was just like he left it. it was only you that was missing from the picture. 
but a few steps in, he finds the last thing he would find unusual for the night. 
the box that he usually sees underneath your closet rack is now sitting on top of the coffee table in the living room and beside it were two envelopes. one in legal size and another in letter. 
he throws his leathered sling bag on the couch and picks up the letter. for some reason, there was a pounding in his heart that he can’t explain. perhaps, it was his body telling him that something unpleasant was about to happen. his furrowed brows and blazing eyes scan through the words in the letter. the words sorry and end were the only things that made sense to him. he couldn’t read the letter fully as he could feel his chest tighten second by second. 
this isn’t happening. this isn’t happening. this isn’t happening. 
his eyes shift to the bigger envelope on the table. the trembling hands of his abandon the sheet of paper in his hands only to grasp the envelope and roughly see the content inside of it. 
he felt his knees weaken at the words he finds on the document that he falls in a slump on the couch, staring blankly at the paper and taking in the weight of your signature on it.
it takes him a few minutes to get back to reality. and just like before, all his thoughts was silenced with one word.
why? 
he picks up the letter that fell to the floor, reading it calmly this time. 
his eyes move slowly and carefully as if he’s afraid of the words he’s going to read. this time, the words doesn’t come like a tornado. this time, it comes like tsunami. before he knew it, he’s already underwater and being pushed in all directions by the water. 
i’m sorry. 
i didn’t think i could tell you this in person. i thought about it carefully, yoongi. but i don’t think i can go on with this. i’ve known for a while even before you’ve said it that night–that it’s not me you truly see at first, i thought it was okay. i don’t mind if the love you give is borrowed. i’d rather be loved like this than not being loved at all by you. i’d take whatever love you can give. then, i realize how fucked up it is. in the process of loving you, i’d forgotten how to love myself. it’s cheesy, i know. but what can i do when the man who i love only loves me because he finds her in me? is there a space for the real me in your heart, yoongi? because if we’re honest, if it’s down to me and her, who would you choose? that night, when you told me i am just like her that’s why you can’t lose me, i just knew it had to stop. i don’t want to be the person you settle for just because you can’t have her. 
i’m sorry, yoongi. i know that by doing this, i’m hurting you. but it has to end before any more people get hurt. 
i’ll let you go so you can find her again. 
we can talk about this further when you’re ready. 
y/n.
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the whiskey rolled on his tongue, the bitter taste on his buds lingering as he swallowed the strong drink. not even letting his tongue get to its aftertaste, he takes another swig of the highly alcoholic drink.
“you need to slow down.”
his best friend reminds him as he sits beside him on the couch—the couch you specifically chose. everything in this house, you chose. every corner of the place, he sees you. every little thing reminded him of you.
he groans and limply hold the glass by his knee. he hung his head back and rests his forearm on his forehead. seokjin watches and sighs at the misery of his best friend.
“i think i need someone to tell me how to live life.” yoongi blurts out.
“why would you think that?” seokjin asks with a snort before taking a sip of his drink. his face scrunches after taking in the taste of the whiskey, realizing it was way too strong for his liking. he takes another sip anyway. that’s just how seokjin is.
“i think i’ve been doing it wrong so far.” the man answers with a mutter.
seokjin gazes at his best friend and then to the divorce papers on the table. he recalls the text he received from his friend’s wife in the afternoon.
hi jin. if u’re free tonight can u check on yoongi after his shift? i think he’ll need u.
the day the jin dreads has come. knowing yoongi the best, he wished that it didn’t happen like this. he felt bad for his friend but worse for you. you don’t deserve this. the fact that you still went out of your way to make sure your husband was alright when you were divorcing him, he doesn’t think it will be easy for yoongi to find someone like you again.
“when do you plan to talk to her?” seokjin asks in relation to the last line in the letter.
yoongi removes his arm from his face and looks at seokjin. he sighs and slumps more on the couch, body sliding down lower until his chin rests on his chest.
“i don’t know.”
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“you went through with it.”
jungkook doesn’t greet you when he enters your office. it only took looking at your tired face, the bags under your eyes, and the way you teared up the moment you see him step foot in the room with documents in his hands. he had no idea you were going to do it. he knew that you had everything ready after the hawaii trip but you never told him you were going to do it already.
“i did it.” the corner of your lips turned upward in a small, sad smile.
“huh.” he reacts, looking down on his feet. your brow furrows at the sudden drop of his mood, curious as to why his sulkiness doesn’t only indicate pity.
your friend drags his feet to get near you and drops himself on his favorite chair across you. “has he signed it?” he asks, dropping the papers on your table.
“i left the papers and a letter at home yesterday. he hasn’t made contact since then.” you answer, getting the papers he brought you. he takes one glace at it and was reminded why he was there in the first place.
“need you to sign these to finalize the deal with the kim enterprise.” he says as you examine the papers. “i arranged a meeting for you with them by your secretary. it’s on friday.”
you nod and grabbed the pen at the side of your desk. the metallic casing of the caran d’ache sign pen yoongi gifted to you is cold on your skin as you held it. your thumb caresses the engraved name on the expensive gold plated casing, feeling the comfort of the familiar rough texture of it. your name looks good with his, such a shame you have to give it back to him.
you shake your head and put it inside the drawer under your desk so you won’t see or use it again. this time, you grab a different pen, a normal one that you liked using for signing before your marriage.
you finally sign the papers and hand it over to your friend who was still looking down on his shoes. there was a slight pout on his face, so you wonder what was on his mind.
“okay, what’s bothering you?” you sigh.
he bites his lip before looking at you for a second then avoiding your stare. “it’s nothing.” he says before standing up.
you grab his arm before he can get away, standing up in the process. “get back here right now.”
his jaw clenches. “i just—i feel kind of responsible.” he answers, still not looking at you.
his words takes you aback, loosening your grip on him.
“what?” you let him go to stutter the word out of your mouth.
“you started to doubt him after the hawaii trip. after what i said.”
now you realize what was on his mind and understand why. you don’t indulge jungkook much on your relationship. despite him being your best friend, you didn’t feel like telling anyone your doubts on the marriage, not even yourself.
you only told him after the hawaii trip about everything. he listened attentively but you noticed there was something bothering him a bit since then.
jungkook liked yoongi. he treated him like an older brother. but you were his best friend and yoongi had his mistakes. still, he couldn’t help but things happened differently.
he knows that with this marriage dissolving, he might lose yoongi as a friend. but most importantly, he was scared that you will lose the light in your eyes. he was glad you’re going to be free of him and could not hurt you further than he was doing but he wonders if there was a slight chance that you would be happy for a lifetime just living in your bubble of a marriage that maybe wouldn’t have popped if he hadn’t shown you how to. he thinks this all happened because of him.
“kookie, it was doomed from the start and never your fault.” you sigh, before continuing. “it didn’t start with you. or even with me. it started with yoongi. but i’m the one ending it for all of us. the two of us deserve better than pretending everything’s okay.”
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you really wanted yoongi to be the one to reach out first. two weeks has passed and there still was no sign of him wanting to communicate with you. if he wanted to cut you off so bad, why hasn’t he signed the papers?
so here you are now, in front of your apartment. the two of you have to settle with an agreement before your father’s birthday gala on saturday and you can’t do that if he’s still not willing to talk to you.
you punched in the numbers on the keypad lock. it was the combination of the years you were born. just another reminder how far apart you were. although five years isn’t really a huge age difference, it was another factor that doesn’t make you her.
you would be lying if you said you weren’t nervous that the passkey would be changed. but as the lock in front of you dinged green and let you in, a sense of relief comes to you.
you know that yoongi isn’t here and still at work. with that knowledge, you allow yourself to check the place. it was just like you left it, clean and quiet. there isn’t much food left in the fridge so you figure that he’s been eating out. at least, that’s what you wish. you hope his secretary, kim taehyung, is making sure he eats well.
you look over your wrist watch. there’s still more than an hour before yoongi comes home. with the time you have, you can cook a few side dishes he can eat with take out. without thinking more about it, you get to work.
wearing your apron, you hum to yourself while preparing the ingredients, finding yourself easily lost in how much the place and activity felt like second skin to you.
there are two coping mechanisms when you’re anxious for what’s in store in the future. first, is you think about it every minute of the day and let it destroy you. second, you completely ignore it until it happens. you were obviously doing the latter this time.
you haven’t thought about how you’re going to talk about the divorce to your parents. so far, the only people who knows about it from your side is jungkook, your secretary, and maria. you don’t know who yoongi has told yet but you’re sure seokjin knows. that’s four people. four people outside your relationship that knows what’s in store.
the moment more people know, it’s irreversible and real.
you wonder how your parents will react. their only daughter, divorced at a young age with no children. they won’t be happy but you’re sure they’ll understand.
just as you were putting the cooked dishes inside their tupperware, you hear the door open. you hold your breath and freeze. suddenly scared of his reaction to your unannounced return.
this is the first time you’ve seen him in two weeks yet you don’t know how to act. instead, you watch as yoongi drags his body inside, eyes on his feet and head hung low like a zombie. your heart breaks at how tired he looks.
“yoongi.”
his whole body tenses up and freezes for a moment before finally looking up to look at you. it seems as if his eyes couldn’t believe what he was seeing. you, in your apron, cooking as if nothing happened.
“y–y/n.” he stutters as he straightens his posture, countenance brightening. “wha–what are you doing here?” he fixes his tie while walking over to you.
the loud clasps of you closing air-tight containers filled the room before you answer his question. “dad’s birthday is on saturday.” you start as you stack the containers inside the fridge. “if you’re not ready to talk about it, we should come to an agreement for the birthday gala.”
you had your back turned to him so you can’t see his face as he replied but you notice the way his voice drops in disappointment. “oh. the gala.”
you don’t understand. what was he expecting? for you to take back your word on the divorce? you saw how his face brightened when he saw you in the kitchen. you hate how he is so obviously disappointed when he realized you were only here to talk about the gala. you hate how he hasn’t contacted you in two weeks. it’s so yoongi of him to give you space when he feels, or rather assumes, you need it. you hate how he doesn’t understand that the space was for him–for him to decide whether to correct his wrongs or to put an end to it. you hate how he hasn’t fought for you. you hate how much you wish he would ask you to take him back. you hate that because of him–because of her, you can’t stay. but above it all, you hate yourself.
you hate that even if you’ve decided to put an end to it, you can’t help but feel regret.
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the gala arrives faster than you hope it would.
when you and yoongi had the conversation in the penthouse, you both agreed to go to the gala together like nothing happened. with that, he decided to forego the driver for tonight, personally fetching you from your apartment.
it was weird.
the agreement was you will act like there wasn’t to be a divorce in public, not when you were alone. yet when he arrives at your door, he holds a beautiful bouquet of a variety of flowers as if you were still dating. he opens the door to you with a charming smile and made jokes in the car as he hummed to the music on the radio like he was having fun.
his slim-fit single-breasted armani suit in midnight blue suits him like it’s second skin. he wears with it a black shirt with a silver-striped midnight blue necktie. it was nothing new to you. formal wear was something he wore often. but tonight, you had to stop yourself from drooling at how good your future ex-husband looked.
and how good he looked next to you.
complementing his midnight blue outfit, you wore an evening dress in the same color. it was nothing grand but it was classy. a tight-fit, spaghetti-strapped silk dress that hugged your curves, modest in front but backless to your lower back. on your neck and ears is a simple set of diamond necklace and earrings your father has gifted you on one of your birthdays.
everyone greeted you with big smiles as you strode into room with his hand on your waist. you were the l/n’s only daughter, after all. and beside you was the famous min.
the night went by easily. the two of you faked your smiles here and there. the two of you weren’t just born into your position in your companies, you both knew how to act and earned them. just like that, it was easy to pretend that you were both very in love.
well, there wasn’t much pretending on your part before.
after you had made your greetings to your parents and yoongi’s and when all of the guests are mostly seated and has left you alone, yoongi and you sat side by side on one circular table. your father was about to make his birthday speech.
“y/n. yoongi.”
kim seokjin greets you with a sigh of relief as he sat down beside yoongi. “thank god the hags has left you alone. i was bored in the corner watching it all end.” he sits beside yoongi and you gave him a smile.
you’ve always liked seokjin. he was a good friend not only to yoongi but also to you. he might not be the ceo type like his brother namjoon but he has his own charms. not finding his passion in business, he turned to modeling and acting instead and gave the position to his younger brother. you trust that he will take care of yoongi when you can no longer do it for him.
“tell me about it.” your head whips to your best friend that now sits beside you.
there is a sense of relief that flashes to you when the two people you both trust are now beside you. it’s as if they were your safe zone. jungkook had always been your person and seokjin was yoongi’s. they are the first person to know everything about you two, even if there are no words said.
you can’t help but wonder what they think. do they think you are making the right decision?
“don’t look so down or people are going to notice.” jungkook whispers in your ear through a smile.
you glare at him and was about to reply with a comeback when the lights dimmed, indicating the program was about to start. your father walks to the platform gracefully. ever the sophisticated man, everyone’s head turned to him as he moved. he clears his throat before speaking.
“good evening, ladies and gentlemen.”
whatever words that come out of his mouth were a blur to you after the greeting. it was the same every year, anyway.
instead, your mind drifts to the person beside you. next year, at the same gala, he would not be sitting next to you like this. it’s funny how a seat symbolizes something so important to you.
being married, it was always a given. you save each other a seat because you belong beside him. knowing that the spot next to you won’t be his anymore, it breaks your heart because it was always his to own even if the day that he won’t be sitting there comes.
it’s such a shame your spot next to him is borrowed. as much as you want to, you can’t have the seat beside him anymore.
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yoongi tenses beside you. you are so beautiful with your hair fixed like that. he can’t take his eyes off of you. he wants to memorize every detail of you so he can take it with him everywhere.
he figured that he can’t let you stay at an unfair relationship. he knew you were right. it has to end.
you loved him more than he deserved. he shouldn’t have loved you because of her. he should have loved you because you were you.
with his time left with you, he would at least try to make things right.
his hand twitches on his side as he stared at yours that lay prettily on your lap. the silver band around your ring finger glistens in reflection to the light of the room. he remembers vividly when he bought it.
the diamond engagement ring that sits next to it was the very same ring he planned on buying for her.
his bullshit plans.
his plans for her, he fulfilled them with you like a fool.
so adamant on doing the right things as if you were her, he didn’t realize he was doing the wrong things for you. it didn’t make him a better man or a better lover. it made him hurt you instead.
“i’d like to give thanks to mr. kim namjoon, who is our partner in a new deal arranged by my one and only beautiful daughter. a round of applause for these two amazing young people, everyone.”
your father mentioning you pushes out his thoughts as you give a thankful smile to everyone now looking at you. his gaze drifts over to who you were looking at.
namjoon, his friend’s brother. the cunningly smart ceo of the kim enterprise. yoongi had always admired his leadership skills. besides admiration, there might even be a slight envy of namjoon being a natural leader. he was rivals with him in business school. the guy was awfully talented and being seokjin’s closest friend, he knows that one of the reason seokjin gave up his spot for the ceo position is because he knows that his younger brother was far more capable than him. well, that and he just despises business classes.
yoongi doesn’t miss the way namjoon gives you his dimpled smile and a small nod of appreciation from his seat. he can’t help but feel a slight burn in his chest. seokjin never kept it secret that namjoon has a crush on you even before the two of you got together. he knows that it wasn’t the disrespectful kind. namjoon never crossed his line or sought after you. in fact, yoongi thought him to be too respectful, too nice, and too perfect. it made him insecure.
before, he was confident in your love because you chose him out of all the men at your feet. you gave him your love. now, he wasn’t sure you made the right choice.
gathering all the confidence he could have from his seat, he reaches for your hand and intertwined his fingers with yours. you don’t act surprised nor look at him but he vaguely feels you freeze in his hold.
he squeezes your hand lightly and all your tense muscles break loose. just like that, he feels your hand grip his softly. as if you were telling him it’s okay.
this one action was telling him that you still love him—you still find your home in him. it breaks him to know that you love him so much more than he ever did. it breaks him to know that if he asks, there is a great possibility that you will take him back. and god does he want to.
he doesn’t think he could take seeing you with another man but that would be selfish of him.
sooner or later, he has to let you go. for your sake.
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you had your meal normally. the dessert does not taste as sweet with the silence between the two of you. seokjin and jungkook does all the talking, bickering like two siblings like they always do.
min yoongi was hard to read. how could he just hold your hand like that? maybe you were reading too much into it. this can’t be like this any further. you have to know what’s on his mind. he has to talk to you soon about it.
a shadowing presence towers behind you, urging you to look behind and see where kim namjoon stands. he’s on his feet, standing while holding a champagne glass on one hand and gives you a cute polite smile. he had finally approached you tonight. “mrs. min.” he greets.
you stand up from your seat in respect and greet him with a smile that rivals his. “namjoon, i told you to call me y/n.”
namjoon was older than you but not older than yoongi. although the three of you were in the same circle of people even before your parents introduced you to yoongi, namjoon was someone who just stood out to you since you were kids. you purposely sought him out for this deal because with him in it, it’s a sure success.
his eyes shift to the man that was still sitting on your table. “mr. min.” he gives a small bow in his direction. only then yoongi looks up and nods. “mr. kim.” he doesn’t smile back. even if it’s not like him to hand out smiles at every chance he can, you sense that there is something odd with the way he looks at namjoon.
“well, i’m not really here to talk about work. i just wanted to greet my new partner and her husband.” namjoon says, scratching the back of his head.
“but i am.” your father appears at your side, placing a hand on your back and namjoon’s, bringing you closer with him.
“go and promote the project with namjoon.” he whispers directly at you. you roll your eyes and namjoon chuckles and shakes his head. when he sees your reaction, he lightly pinches your side. “go!” he urges with a whisper.
“but i’m here with yoongi.” you protest while namjoon watches the adorable father-daughter interaction.
“yoongi wouldn’t mind.” he answers before walking in the middle of you and namjoon and to yoongi who directed his attention to speaking with seokjin and jungkook. he lays a hand on his shoulder and leans in.
“son, do you mind me taking y/n for a while? i know you lovebirds can’t be separated but think it’s for the company.” your father asks with shit-eating grin. the word ‘separated’ almost made you laugh at the bitter thought. you saw yoongi’s smug smirk at when he said it too. if your father only knew.
“of course, father.” yoongi answers while looking straight into your eyes.
you and namjoon were quickly whisked away to meet the guests. if you didn’t know what the invitations of the party says, you would guess it’s a party for you and namjoon.
from time to time, you would steal a glance at your husband who was still sitting with your friends. he was in conversation with them but is in deep thought.
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“you’re going to burn holes into my brother’s head.” seokjin teases with a smirk. yoongi takes his eyes off you laughing at something your dad’s friend was saying and glares at seokjin instead.
as if it wasn’t enough, jungkook agrees. “yeah hyung, tone it down it’s kind of scary.”
“shut up, you two.” he growls and crosses his arms.
jungkook gives him a cheeky grin and slides into your seat. judging by the look on his face, yoongi already knows the younger man has an agenda. “what happened?”
yoongi narrows his eyes. “what do you mean what happened?”
“you two went together so i assume you’ve talked, right?” jungkook asks with a tilted head.
seokjin nods, resting his head on his fist while leaning on the table. “yeah, yeah. you’re right. i’ve been curious too, jungkook. what happened, yoongi?”
yoongi glares at his friend again and looks ahead of him. you were still talking to investors with namjoon. “tsk. we haven’t talked about it.”
“what the fuck do you mean you haven’t talked about it?” seokjin whispers angrily, brows furrowed as he leaned closer to yoongi’s face.
yoongi avoids the gaze of his friends. “i still don’t know what to say.”
jungkook dramatically slaps a hand to his forehead. “it’s not rocket science, hyung! say ‘i’m sorry. i don’t want yuna. i want you. i’ll be better.’” he says while doing his impression of how yoongi talks.
“okay, first of all,” yoongi puts a finger up in front of jungkook’s face. ”i don’t talk like that.” yoongi shifts his body to the other direction and asks seokjin, offended. “do i talk like that?” seokjin only shrugs.
he turns back to jungkook again. “and it’s not that easy.” he says with a sigh.
“he’s right.” seokjin agrees. yoongi and jungkook turn to look at him, wondering who he agrees with. the receiver of the stares continues his words. “yoongi’s right. it’s not easy.”
seokjin purses his lips, gaze hardening on yoongi. it’s not like seokjin to become serious like this, he’s almost angry. “it’s not easy to decide whether he really wants y/n to stay because he wants her… or he’s just afraid to be alone again.”
yoongi freezes on his seat, stunned at his best friend’s words. he hears the drag of seokjin’s stare as he stands up. from his peripheral vision, he sees seokjin fix his suit before talking.
“whatever it is, be sure it doesn’t hurt you or y/n anymore.” he says softly and walks away, leaving the two men seated pondering to themselves.
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the ride back to your apartment was quiet until he parked in front of it. it was all over. you had said good night to him and told him he did a good job tonight. all that was left to do for you was to step out of the car. you’ve detached your seatbelt and had your hand on the handle when yoongi grabs your arm, stopping you mid-way of your attempt to escape him.
“can’t i fix this?”
and there it is.
he said those four words that he always wanted to say to you. he asks the question like you had the answer when he knows all too well that the answer lies with him. but this wasn’t him literally literally asking you if he can fix this, this was him asking you if you’re willing to give him a chance.
you slowly turn to him. there were no emotions in your eyes. no sign of anything. he had never seen you like this.
“can you?”
he swallows and releases your arm, not answering the question you ask back to him. how can he when he doesn’t know the answer? he had never known the answer. he didn’t when seokjin asked him that question when they were drinking. he didn’t when he realized that he sees a glimpse of her through you from the very beginning. he didn’t when you left him the divorce papers and the letter. he didn’t when seokjin dropped that bomb on him earlier at the party. he doesn’t know even now, where you had your whole self open in front of him, waiting for his answer.
wait.
everybody had to fucking wait for him. what was so great about a man like him? maybe he deserves to be alone. maybe you were better off without him.
no. fuck.
this isn’t about him. this is about you.
his priority is you.
he doesn’t want to lose you but you shouldn’t wait around until he knows why. he’s a mess right now.
you hum in satisfaction at his silence and inhaled with closed eyes. you exhale loudly and yoongi realizes you were holding back tears.
“i’m just–” you pause, your voice trembling. you shake your head and open your eyes to stare straight at him with pinched brows and pleading eyes. “i’m not so sure about myself when i’m with you anymore, yoongi.”
“you built our relationship on her, don’t you realize?”
the tears in his eyes well up before he even knows it. he watches as your face contort into a sob. you were breaking down in front of him like this. he made you feel like this. the woman he married. the woman he loves at night and wakes up to everyday. his best friend. his girlfriend. his wife. the woman he loves.
the woman who taught him to love again.
his mother couldn’t stand him moping around anymore. “it’s been two years”, she said. “just one date”, she pleads.
that’s how yoongi finds himself attending a dinner at a hotel one evening. he was running a bit late from work so he barely made an effort to look nice, not that he was making an effort for the past two years. he hasn’t cut his hair for months and he just threw on a loose black suit jacket and pants that he had at the trunk of his car. he was even wearing jordans, for fuck’s sake. he may be a teeny tiny bit out of place. he’s surely going to get a scolding from his mother at the prime age of 29.
the valet takes his keys in front of the entrance. it’s a good thing his family is a regular here. he doesn’t have to worry much about how he looks from the staff. the guests however, are a different story.
the looks he received were not much to think about. he was spared a glance but everyone just went on their way. okay, maybe he exagerrated with how he saw his outfit. yeah. fuck that, he was almost late.
he strides through the lobby, determined to get there before the woman he was about to meet but he doubts you’ll be late. he has heard of you. the soon-to-be ceo of the company that owns these hotels.
he can feel holes burning through his head, sensing that someone was staring at him. great. he’s being judged now like he expected. could this day get worse?
he shakes his head and steps in the elevator, turning to see the view of the lobby. he finds that a woman was staring at him. unlike him, she was dressed as if she own the place, clad in a simple black dress that reaches the floor with expensive jewelry all around her neck and wrists. she doesn’t even break eye contact with him as the elevator closes.
are people so shamelessly judgemental these days? he asks to himself.
“yoongi! you’re here just in time.” yoongi’s father greets just as he enters the private dining room. he bows at the four people seated. he can actually feel his mother’s stare from head-to-toe and hear her internal screams from where he was bowing.
your parents greet him with wide smiles. the staff slides the heavy chair from the table and lets him sit. he thanks him before he walks away to get a bottle of wine that your father ordered.
“my daughter texted me she’s by the lobby already. she’ll be here any second now.” your mother informs yoongi and his parents.
as if on cue, the door swings open to reveal the last person the party has been waiting for.
there you stand. the same person who was staring at him in the lobby. he sees your eyes widen for a moment when your eyes lay on him but you quickly recovered with a smirk you sent his way. a second after, you greet everyone with a smile.
you charmed your way through the dinner. you were smart, cunning, beautiful, and kind. you told him and his parents of your ambitions and wants for the company. even if you were at an age of dreaming, yoongi had no doubt you will be able to achieve them with the way you carry yourself.
you had so much light in your eyes. it reminded him of when he used to be like you. it reminded him of a time when he used to dream with her.
he walks you to the lobby after the dinner as yours and his parents insisted. your driver was already waiting outside. you stopped just by the exit.
“sorry for staring here in the lobby earlier.” you say with a genuine smile and walked again. yoongi was a bit shocked you would even bring it up. were you disappointed that he was the one you were meeting?
“it’s just that i smelled you when you passed by and you smell so good.” you explain as he follows you out of the doors. his eyes widened at your words. you weren’t staring because of his underwhelming style?
“it wasn’t because of what i wore?” he blinks, dumbfounded.
“what’s wrong with your clothes?” you look him up and down, examining. “you look hot.”
he was taken aback at your straightforwardness. “i’m a bit underdressed, aren’t i? few people were staring too.” he lightly argues, tilting his head as he fixes his jacket. the car door was already opened to you by your driver and was just waiting for you to come in.
“they were staring because you’re handsome, dude.” did you just call him dude? you huff before muttering. “you know for an old guy, you’re really mean to yourself.” dude, old guy, mean. he’s astonished at your choice of words.
“anyway, i gotta bounce. see you on our first date!” you jump in the back seat of the car as you said it. the driver shuts the door in front of him.
“i haven’t agreed?” he mumbles to himself a little too loud and sees you roll down your window.
“you will!” you give him a cheeky smile and place a hand over the rolled down glass window that was still slightly peeking out. “you haven’t told me what perfume you wear!” you giggle and finally roll up your tinted windows.
the car drives away and he’s left standing outside of the hotel, still dumbfounded at your character. he feels a bubbling feeling in his chest and he smiles. what was he so worried about today anyway? with that thought, he laughs to himself, not caring about the stares of passerbys.
that very next day, he texts his mother to arrange a first date with you. not because you called him handsome, or old man, or mean.
he agreed because for the first time in two years, you made him genuinely laugh.
his left hand gripped the wheel so hard his knuckles were turning white. the stare you gave him, your tired eyes begging him to say something.
“i don’t want to lose you. that’s all i know.” yoongi admits.
you press your lips together in a downward smile and shake your head, sniffing before talking.
“that’s not enough, yoongi. i’m sorry.” the words leave your mouth steady, as if you put the last of your energy in it. then, you exit the car, leaving him all alone in the cold-conditioned vehicle.
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at the age of 27, yoongi lost who he believed to be the love of his life. at the age of 29, he meets you. at the age of 31, he marries you. and at the age of 33, he lost you.
maybe in another universe, he was capable of loving you. in that universe, he would be cuddling you in bed, naked for each other to melt into. in that universe, he makes you genuinely happy with him. in that universe, he is completely and undeniably in love with you.
but in this universe, he sits across yuna in a restaurant. she arranged a private room for them, coincidentally in one of your hotels.
“you’re divorced?” yuna asks as she sips on her tea.
here she is in front of him, the woman he loved all his life. from high school to college and to that very last day on that cafe. she was his first everything. his first kiss, first love, and first heartbreak. what they had was a love burning of passion. eventually, the passion led him astray.
yuna used to be someone who cheered for him and he used to be someone who supported her.
“you won!” yuna jumps up and down with yoongi, their hands clasps together in glee. “we won!” yoongi screams back. the cheers of the people around them blended with their own screams in the gym.
he laughs wholeheartedly and wraps his arms around her, sweaty body pressing against hers. time seemed to stop for yoongi, he could feel his chest burning as he looked at her, eyes screaming with happiness that sources from something else than winning his basketball game.
“i think i love you.” yoongi blurts out.
yuna freezes in his hold, wide eyes staring at him in disbelief. he watches as a wide smile paints her face with unexplained happiness. she nods repeatedly and squeals.
“i think i love you too!”
it was then that the realization dawns on him. he’s in love with his best friend. since then and there, he vowed that wherever she goes, he will follow her as long as she wanted him too. and if she doesn’t, he will still support her from afar.
“yeah, yeah four months ago.” yoongi answers her. yuna nods and finishes chewing the slice of sashimi in her mouth.
“hmm, that’s not really long ago. how do you feel about that?” yuna asks, not even looking at him at all. 
it’s funny. he used to think about this all the time–seeing her again. now she’s in front of him but he is nothing but a stranger to her. there were no bitter feelings in her. it’s like yoongi was nothing but a thing in the past that she has forgotten. meanwhile, yoongi is wrecked. 
“i don’t know.” he used to answer with those three words a lot lately.
“i’m not going to beat around the bush. you know i hate doing that.” yuna uses a napkin to wipe her mouth. she had the same face, mannerisms, and voice yet yoongi can’t figure out the itching feeling at the back of his brain. 
he hears yuna put her chopsticks down on the table. he readies himself to what she was going to say, chewing his food slowly as he anticipates what comes next. 
“do you want to try again?” 
he fantasized about this a lot of times–less when he met you but it was definitely there. it was the kind of fantasy that a person don’t tell anyone, the kind that one doesn’t allow oneself to feed into. but sometimes, when that person’s guard is down, it creeps in like a thief in the night, showing him his deepest desires.
“what?” yoongi freezes and looks up at her. 
her. time is kind on yuna. she grew into a woman that she always wanted to be. she achieved her dreams and never stopped for anyone. silently, yoongi is proud of her still.
i’ll let you go so you can find her again. your words in the letter creeps into his head. now, her is asking him back. he should feel ecstatic. it was all so confusing that it’s making him all angry. all that pain he caused you and he has the right to feel disappointment?
“we’re both single. we both changed. we weren’t perfect, yoongi. we were kids. we outgrew each other before but we can try again now.” yuna explains further, as if proposing a business deal. funny. wasn’t she a doctor?
but she was right. they outgrew each other. yoongi focused on his work and gave in to the pressure of being his father’s heir. slowly, the support that he promised her faded away. he became restless and anxious. all yuna wanted was to love him like they promised.
“why do you believe in me?” yuna asked as she lays on yoongi’s lap on the couch. multiple medical books laying around them. 
the memory was still fresh in their minds. yoongi had gone over his ways and helped her study, creating flashcards and powerpoint presentations for her reporting in class. 
yoongi caresses her hair, making her melt in his comfort. “because you give me strength.” he pauses, contemplating if his next words. “and i want more for you.”
although wealthy, yuna’s social status wasn’t in the same level as yoongi’s. her parents were doctors but her father died even before she met yoongi.  it’s her dream to be as good as her parents in the field of medicine. on the other hand, yoongi, heir to his father’s businesses, is just aiming to do well to please his father. 
is business his dream? no. he doesn’t think he has one. business has been planted on his mind since birth but yuna, he can see that she’s a dreamer. in this day and age, dreamers are rare. he wants to protect that of her. she didn’t ask him to but it’s his way of showing her he loves her.
“i love you.” she replies. “i always will. i mean it.” 
“i always will too.” 
“no. really! even if we break up, i think you will always have a place in my heart.” and yoongi smiles, loving the thought because he knows that his heart will do the same. 
“and i will always come back to you.” he says seriously, making yuna giggle in his hold.
“that’s cheesy.”
“whatever. i’m not kidding. so you can go ahead and fly how high you want. i’ll always wait for you.” 
in sales, there are commutative contracts, meaning the two parties participating give and receive equivalent values. but there is an exception which is aleatory contracts, which are basically sales of chance or hope. think of it like a purchase for a lottery ticket. you put money in without expecting anything in return but a tiny chance of hope. 
that was what yoongi was doing wrong. he’s been seeing his relationships like a commutative contract when it’s far from it. he thinks that true love should be give or take but it doesn’t have to be. sometimes, you just love unconditionally without expecting anything in return but a glimmer of hope. 
you loved him like that. like a fool, he thought he was giving you enough back. 
“what?” yuna urges when yoongi takes longer than usual to reply. “do you still love her?”
your face immediately flies to his mind. how were you doing? it’s been four months since the divorce was finalized. there hasn’t been contact with you since then. such a scandal shook everyone you knew. there wasn’t a clear reason how you explained the split. ‘our plans for the future don’t meet anymore so we have to go our separate ways’, is what the two of you agreed to say others. both of your parents weren’t exactly angry but they didn’t hide their disappointment. 
in those four months, yoongi buried himself in his work. he heard you’ve been doing the same. taehyung, his assistant, is in your friend group so he catches up through him. your project collaboration seemed to be doing well, he’s been hearing a lot about it lately. 
in the four years of his relationship with you, he did love you. he cared for you more than anyone else. you supported him in all his endeavors. you helped him pick himself back up. 
yuna was great. seven years of relationship wasn’t something you can just throw away. he still loves her and regrets the mistakes he made. if asked, he would still say that he will stop the world for her. people often say that usually, we don’t end up with the person we would stop the world for. he didn’t want that before. it had to be her. but now he understands.
it took four months of being separated from you and yuna in front of him for him to finally know the answer.
stopping the world for a person is impossible. you want a person that moves through the world with you and holds you through it. he wants to keep it spinning for you. 
“she made my world turn.” yoongi answered.
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seated on the stool in front of the bar wasn’t something you expected to be this busy night. it all started when you forced information out of your friend, taehyung.
“there’s something you’re not telling me.” you eye taehyung as he sits besides you on your couch. 
taehyung, jimin, and jungkook came over in your house to hang for the night. they’ve been doing that a lot more than usual for the past four months. no one was saying anything but all of you were sure what was the reason for that. now, jimin and jungkook is passed out on the floor on the mattress for some reason while watching the movie.
his eyes widened and the popcorn he was catch in his mouth stops mid air and falls on his lap. he gives you a nervous smile and tilts his head. “your interior is kind of… ugly?” he blurts out, making your jaw drop and slapping his arm. 
“the fuck? you know what i’m talking about!” and he does. it’s probably not very healthy in your journey of moving on but you still ask taehyung about yoongi. when you were married, if there was someone else who knows about yoongi’s whereabouts, it was taehyung. he was your friend first before he was hired by yoongi. meaning, he was your ally. he told you of his schedules when you ask and helped you plan out dates with matching your schedules. 
taehyung doesn’t tell you much more than he should now that you’re not together but he still tells you when he thinks you need to hear it. there’s only one thing you ask of him to tell you even if it crosses boundaries. 
you have a great feeling that that’s about to happen tonight as taehyung has been avoiding your gaze since he came in. 
“he did it.” you concluded. 
taehyung drops his guard and nodded warily. you huff and look back at the television. 
he met with yuna.
unfortunately, namjoon was dragged in your misery. coming from your dinner meeting, just as you were about to leave, you bit the bullet and asked namjoon if he wanted to join you for some drinks. 
it was bound to happen. he’s no longer yours. still, you can’t help but be hurt. were they together now? does he hold her like he used to and give him his adorable gummy smile while they cuddle in bed? 
“another glass of this, please.” you say to the bartender. 
namjoon looks at you disapprovingly as he takes a sip on his cocktail, the same one he asked since you both arrived here. 
“why are you not drinking? you don’t even drive.” you ask him, a little bit buzzed. you’ve grown closer to the man due to your meetings that you can now call him a friend. 
namjoon’s cheeks raise, an amused smile forming on his face. he doesn’t answer your question and just shrugs. you gather you’re entertaining to him when you drink.
“why is it that you don’t drive? you have everything but a driver’s license.” you thank the bartender as he hands you your new glass of coke and rum. 
namjoon chuckles. “you don’t know this but i’m actually really clumsy.” 
“no way. you? you’re like really responsible and amazing and cool.” you slurred your words out like a kid, pouting and laying your head on the bar. 
namjoon grabs your shoulder, gently guiding you to sit up. “don’t lean your head. you’ll get drunk faster.” he advises. when you take his advice, he continues. “and you don’t know this because i put up a really good facade but i’m actually really clumsy.” he sighs to himself, tapping the bar with his long fingers. 
“what do you do when you’re outside and want to be truly alone then?” you ask, holding on to your glass. you don’t look at him when you ask this because the question was not solely for him. you ask the question for yourself.
“i bike.” he answers. you chuckle, amused. you picture a namjoon on his suit riding a bike because that’s the only namjoon you know. 
“i can hardly imagine kim namjoon, the famous ceo of kim enterprises, to be riding a bike.” you didn’t mean it in a bad way. namjoon has always been a humble elite, no matter how ironic that sounds. 
“i do it a lot actually. every morning.” 
“really?”
“really.”
“why do you like it?” you were like a kid asking these questions.
“i see a lot when i bike. people, trees, i can the feel the air hitting my face, the exhaustion from the exercise, it’s therapeutic.” he says it so genuinely. he really enjoys riding bikes. 
“sounds to me like you’re persuading me to bike too.” you tease for it really is tempting when it comes out from his mouth. this is probably why he gets so many investors.
“you can come with me.” he blurted out, making you look at him.
“i can?” 
he gives you that damned dimpled smile. “yeah. how about saturday morning?” 
you don’t think you have any important business on saturday morning and if you do, you’ll just have your secretary push it. you were too curious on what makes namjoon… namjoon to care. and again, you were a little bit buzzed.
“i’d like that.” you answer with a smile. 
you were tipsy but you’re not completely out of it to not realize why namjoon was doing this. from your miserable drinking to acting like a fool in front of him, you know he noticed your gloomy era. this was him trying to console you as a new friend and you appreciate that he doesn’t ask questions. 
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drunk decisions are seldom good ideas. luck may be on your side this morning. the thing is, you never knew how therapeutic this was. but god, were you tired.
“do you not workout?” namjoon jeered when the both of you stop paddling for a while. he watched you pant excessively while glaring at him. 
“this is not the time to mock my physical unfitness.” you say through your pants. namjoon hands you his water tumbler because your dumbass forgot to bring one. before you grab it, he takes off the lid for you. you quickly mutter a thanks before drinking. 
“i just thought you were with that ass.” 
you almost spit out your drink, blush spreading your whole face more than the one caused by your exhaustion. did namjoon just admit he stares at your ass? 
before you even get the chance to reply, namjoon speeds off, leaving you to scream his name in protest. 
despite the expected exhaustion, you were glad you came with namjoon to his morning routine. you never realized this part of the city was so beautiful. you were someone who was driven everywhere since you were a kid and all the biking you had done past your teenage years are on the stationary bike at the gym you rarely go to. you never realized a change of transportation brings a different view of the city.
you don’t easily catch up with namjoon. it took him to slow down with his pedalling for you to be inline with him. when you were back to his side, slowly pedalling this time, he started to randomly give you the names and facts of the trees and plants you passed by. you found it adorable how much he knew about botany. it made sense how he goes out of his way more than other businessmen when it comes to the environment. although it’s a reality that capitalism and environmental care can hardly co-exist, you can see from his work that namjoon tries hard. 
“i’m not very good at things people are normally good at. when i feel that things are getting too tight, looking at art keeps me grounded. sometimes all you really need is a moment of pause or to step back and see the bigger picture.” 
you ask him more of his hobbies, learning more about namjoon was an unexpected delight. he is so different from his reputation. he’s actually pretty child-like and now you see why seokjin loves to take care of him even if people believe namjoon takes care of seokjin more. he tries cooking but he fails more than he succeeds. he often breaks a myriad of things. he’s scared of driving. it seemed to him that destruction follows him everywhere he goes and anything he does. except business. it’s the thing he’s good at. that, and growing his bonsais. 
besides biking and taking in nature, he’s an art appreciator of any form. 
“you get invitations to every museum in the country?” 
“yep. if you want to go to a specific one, i can get them for you.” he suggests. 
he has lead you to the riverside, stopping by to feel the air by the water. he leans on the railings as he drinks water. 
“hm. biking and now museums?” you tease, hinting something. you weren’t ignorant to what seokjin says about his brother. still, you never thought it to be serious before but now you were testing the waters. it’s not healthy to lead him on when you aren’t ready for another relationship.
he shakes his head. “i know what seokjin blabs about. but really, i’m just trying to be a friend.” he confesses. “for now.” he adds.
you take his answer as it is and not press further. you and your companion’s silence grows heavy for a while, not in an awkward way but rather a comforting one. the scenery in front of you pulls you in, as if to not worry about anything. 
it’s funny. you were always going on trips with yoongi, pulling him everywhere so you can create memories. your destinations were breathtakingly beautiful and known worldwide. you took pictures here and there but you don’t think you looked as much as you did now. why is it a river, one you see in your city everyday, is making you feel more than the wonders of the world?
it’s because in front of those landmarks, ocean, tourist spots, you see him in the front lines. loving yoongi is a privilege you will forever be thankful for. and if you were asked, you will do it all over again. 
“do you know why yoongi and i didn’t work out?”
the raised brows on his face meant he didn’t expect the question. he purses his lips and shakes his head. “i only know what you’ve said to the others.” 
“there really wasn’t much reason.” you tell him. “he actually was a pretty great husband, more than most of us can ask for.” 
you began telling him the story and he listens attentively all throughout, nodding from time to time. whether it’s because of his comforting presence or the beautiful scenery, you don’t know why you spilled everything to him. regardless, you don’t think it’s something you will regret. 
when you were done, he speaks. “it seemed he really loves you.”
what? “do you think i’m stupid for letting him go?” 
“no, i meant from the outside. from my sight, it seemed he really loves you.” 
“why do you think that?”
he takes a few second to answer, deep in thought. “i don’t know. call it intuition.” namjoon answers with a shrug. 
you roll your eyes. “and who made your intuition reliable?” 
“all of kim enterprise’ success.” he answers smugly. 
you huff. “show off.” 
“ha. i’m kidding. no ceo is great due to intuition alone.” 
“yeah, shut up.” 
you don’t know what namjoon was truly thinking, or perhaps, it’s truly intuition. your mind brings you back to when yoongi handed to you the signed papers.
the atmosphere in your previous home grows heavy and quiet as he puts down the papers previously in his hand. your eyes glower at the pieces of paper.
“so… this is it, huh.” you chuckle bitterly as you stare at his signature. 
you were seated across from each other at the dining table in your penthouse. yoongi in his lounge wear while you went straight from work. 
he doesn’t answer, forearms rested on the table. his slouched form made him look smaller in your eyes. 
“i have one question.” you confessed, one that was lingering in your mind for a long time. 
you don’t wait for his affirmation and continue. “how many things…” you inhaled. “how many things do you think about before you get to me?” he looks up at you, now looking into your eyes. “all those times you looked at me and saw her, do you even get to me?” 
“because for me, i find ways to see you anywhere–the real you.” you continue. you don’t cry but you wanted to. but your body doesn’t allow you to cry. it’s as if there was something about baring yourself in front of someone isn’t something sad or worth crying for. it’s powerful. 
“i won’t do it for long, though. i promise you.” you say and you mean it.
the two of you sat there in the dark, sitting with nothing to hear but the beat of your hearts. it all boils down to this. the two of you not moving, feeling each other out. there was no certain next move for either of you. two years of relationship and two years of marriage, abruptly cut. this is the last time you sit together as husband and wife. 
“i’ll do the same.” he finally speaks. “i promise.”
your hand slowly creeps into his and holds it. his other hand goes over yours. the kiss of his touch pulls you in but you let yourself go. 
you are letting him go. 
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more than a past lover, yuna was his best friend. he was spending most his days with her, learning what changed and what stayed with each other. today, he was having lunch with her at the hospital she transferred to from the states. 
“she sounds wonderful.” yuna was genuine with her words as he told her about you. 
“yeah. i was never lonely when i was with her.” yoongi agreed. yuna gives him a smile. 
“how about you? were you lonely?” yoongi asked her. 
“it’s hard not to be when we’re at this age and single.” yuna cracked a joke. 
yoongi shakes his head, finding her words true. “you’ll find someone soon.” 
“i have to now because you heartlessly rejected me.” yuna lightly stabs the fish on her plate. 
yoongi chuckles but gives her a look. “i know. i know. i’m kidding.” she saves herself.
yoongi was glad yuna was back. he does love her a lot. it took them six years to finally say what they want to each other. they both had their faults and all are forgiven.
yoongi’s regret is that he couldn’t support her but in reality, they were supposed to grow apart to grow. it would never have worked out even if they did try. and even if they could try again, it was not the same. 
they didn’t love each other anymore.
yoongi was in love with the thought of her and the thought of the boy he used to be. yuna was someone he supported with all of him. he did good. and he wanted to do better for you. that’s why he tried his best to please you. but it was exhausting him and he didn’t even know it. 
his fault is that he got blindsided and forgot himself. internally and even if he wouldn’t admit it, he blamed you for it. so his mind started going back to how it all started which is yuna. he started comparing her to you and started seeing her in you. but he was too much of a coward to be alone to acknowledge it. it was all an endless cycle and he’s the problem. 
“i know it’s been 8 months since the divorce, you know you can try again with her, right?” 
the obvious answer was yes, he can approach you again. you can start again, he can go on his knees and beg you to take him back. but the first  question is, will you accept him? and the next, should he? what if he just brings chaos to your life again? he doesn’t really want to bother you anymore.
“hey, hoseok!” 
yuna calls someone behind yoongi. he turns his head to find a doctor who waves back at her. in his hands is a tray of food just like the one in front of him on the table. 
“hey yuna. hey good looking stranger.” the man radiates good and happy energy as he approached the two of you. this is the first time he has seen a doctor this happy. yuna opens a chair for him beside her asking him to take a seat. he accepts the offer and sits down.
“hoseok, meet yoongi. yoongi, meet hoseok. i have a feeling that you two will get along.” 
yoongi gives him a respectful smile and nod as he chews his food, not so cheery with meeting new people. “you can call me hobi.” 
“wait, wait, wait.” hoseok rests his elbows on the table and leans in. “are you like, that ceo yoongii?”
yuna’s smile widens. “hold up, you know him?” 
“hell yeah, i’m friends with kim namjoon. he’s a ceo too. do you know him?” 
oh.
him.
he’s been hearing a lot about you two. it really is a small world, isn’t it?
“i’m familiar with him, yes.” yoongi answers. 
hoseok nods. “yeah, we’ve been friends since i was busk dancing by the river during my pre-med days. we haven’t hung out in a while much since i got a bit busy with shifts but i think i saw you once or twice in the business section of the news.” 
“that’s nice. hey, you’re kind of famous.” yuna adds in. 
“namjoon’s a great guy and an even better ceo.” yoongi agrees. 
“yeah, if you want we can all hang together. it’ll be a boys night out.” hoseok suggests. 
yuna huffs, stabbing her fish once again. that poor dead fish, yoongi thinks. “y’all met two minutes ago and you’re already planning things without me?” 
hoseok laughs, loud. “oh you’re right. it’s fine, you can come too. namjoon will probably want to bring his girlfriend anyway.” 
it’s like yoongi’s hearing got better than usual as his ears were all in when he heard hoseok’s last sentence. “girlfriend?” he couldn’t possible mean…
“yeah, he’s been dating this girl y/n who he worked with. he’s been bringing her to his morning bike rides which is like a big deal because he never does that. and if he’s not busy with work, he’s like bringing her to museums for the past four months and stuff. that’s also one of the reasons we haven’t had time to see each other. but he promised we would hang soon.” 
yoongi and yuna froze as soon as they heard your name. yoongi couldn’t even take in the next words hoseok rambled on after your name. hoseok kept talking and talking and all he can think about is you in namjoon’s arms.
he felt his heart go up his throat. 
his chest physically hurt. 
time froze for him. he doesn’t even notice yuna pinching hoseok and whispering something to him. hoseok’s eyes widened as he says sorry repeatedly.
he was bound to find out this way because since you both signed those papers, he was just another has-been person in your life; an outsider, if you will. if there was someone who he wanted for you, it would be namjoon. namjoon is the perfect guy for you. it was expected but it still hurt.
yoongi’s chair screeches against the floor as he stands up, his eyes gloomy and head down. 
“it was nice meeting you, hoseok. but i think i have somewhere to be now.” he says and hoseok nods, saying sorry again. 
“yuna.” he acknowledges her too as a form of goodbye.
“yeah, drive safe. i’ll text you later.” he nods at her and walks away, making his way home. a home without you. 
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“jungkook, jimin, what are you doing here?” 
your best friend’s round twinkling eyes meets your tired ones as you entered your apartment. you shouldn’t have trusted him with your lock’s passcode. jimin is just focused on playing.
“jin and jimin wanted to try the new ps5 game and your tv is so much better than mine.” jungkook explains as he turns his eyes back to the screen in front of him.
“that’s dumb. you’re both rich and seokjin literally has a game room at home.” you replied with a straight face as you kick your shoes off. 
“or maybe he just wanted to see how you were doing because he says you don’t hang out with your best friend anymore.” jin appears in your view with a water bottle in hand, giving you a teasing smirk as jungkook pouts.
“he’s jealous of namjoon.” jimin whispers in an obnoxiously loud way, purposely letting the younger man playing in front of the television to hear.
jungkook doesn’t deny or acknowledge what he heard and just huffs in annoyance. although you and jungkook were the same age, he often acts like a stubborn younger brother. 
“why don’t you hang out with us next time, then?” you suggest, stepping in your living room and tossing your hand bag next to jungkook on the couch. 
jungkook’s eyes widens but still doesn’t stray from the game. “i can do that?”
“why not?” jimin speaks for you when he sees your confused face.
jungkook finally looks at you standing then at seokjin who was now sitting next to him, now amused at the reaction on your faces. he leans back, his back meeting the couch rest. 
“w-well, i kind of thought– nevermind.” 
“you thought what?” you press on, raising a brow.
“that they were like, y’know…” jungkook scratches the back of his head. 
it takes him a while to continue so seokjin does it for him. “dates.”
it was your eyes’ time to widen at the assumption, arms dropping in defense. “w-what? they were not dates!”
“i told you so.” jimin teases. jungkook glares at him. “to be fair, joonie told me they were not dates and i told him that too.”
“i’ve just been in a divorce. how would that make me look? how would that make namjoon and i look?” you groan before turning to head to your room.
you left your two friends arguing about their game in the living room while you freshen up. in the shower, you thought about yoongi. it’s been eight months. when is it okay for a divorcee to move on to another relationship? is there a definite time of moving on that would be deemed respectable to your previous one? have you moved on? will you move on enough to be open to date? 
has yoongi moved on?
has he ever loved you enough to be someone he had to get over to?
you like to think that you were someone important in his life but you really wanted to be someone who made a dent on his like she used to. maybe that way, there would be a constant reminder of you in his life even now that you were gone. 
is that bad? to wish you hurt him like she did?
knocks on your bedroom door snaps you out of your thoughts. you shout, letting the person know they can come in while you do your skincare routine. 
“yo.” jungkook steps in, throwing up a random gang sign. 
“what do you want now?” you feigned annoyance as he throws himself on your bed. his back rests on your headboard.
“i can’t check on my best friend now?” he crosses his arms and pouts. 
you scoff and ignore the rhetorical question. “how’s taehyung?”
“my other best friend is completely fine, thank you.” he answers, childlike sass lacing his voice. 
“i don’t think anyone associated with you is ever completely fine.” you raise your brows.
your best friend huffs, offended and now sitting to face you at the side of the bed. “you just want to know how your ex-husband’s doing. you can just ask me without asking taehyung. he’s my friend too.”
you tap your face one last time as you finish the last step of your routine, letting the product air dry as you face jungkook. “fine. how is he then?” 
you hadn’t prepared yourself for the answer.
“i heard he’s seeing someone.” jungkook responded, eyes now heavy with seriousness. 
you gulped, shoulder slumping and you don’t respond to your best friend. 
he’s seeing someone? was it yuna? did they finally found each other’s arms? did he give her his gummy smile as he kissed her, telling her he had only truly loved her? did he sweep her off her feet with how long he have waited for her? 
“i’m sorry. are you okay?” your best friend’s face written with worry as he asked you. 
“is it yuna?” if it’s her, it’s okay. at least, you know he’ll truly be happy if it’s her.
“i don’t know. i only asked him if he’s doing better when i saw him at the bar one time. he said yes because he’s seeing someone now.” you nod. 
jungkook bits his lip as he sees your stunned state but continues. “i didn’t want to tell you but… you seem happy with namjoon. so if you think can move on now… i think it’s okay.”
is it? can you really go forward with your life? do you even want to?
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“get up!”
yoongi was awaken by a thud on his stomach. when his eyes fluttered open, he finds yuna holding one of his pillow, threatening to hit him again with it. 
“fuck. what are you doing here at this hour?” he complains when he looks at the time. five in the morning isn’t exactly an ideal time for a guest in his home. 
“shut up. get ready. we’re leaving in ten minutes.” 
he doesn’t know what happened after those words. yuna basically dragged his corpse to do a morning routine and when that was done, he found himself sitting on the passenger’s seat of yuna’s car. 
“where the fuck are we even going?” he says with close eyes. 
yuna doesn’t answer and drove quietly. yoongi was too sleepy to press further or complain. instead, he let himself drift back to sleep as the cold temperature of the vehicle and the comforting scene of the morning lulled him back to it.. 
when yuna shakes him awake, he finds himself in a familiar place.
“why are we here?” 
it was his and yuna’s university. yoongi hasn’t been here in a while. he admires the buildings that have aged well, if not hasn’t changed at all.  “i was invited to a talk here later.” 
“and?”
“i just thought you’d like to see it again.” yuna shrugged.
yuna led him to the field where they sat on one of the bleachers. there was not much people except for a few that were on their morning jog. how could there be? he doubts there’s a class at 6am. 
the cold morning air fights against his thick maroon sweater that he threw on this morning. yuna and him sits in silence, letting the nostalgic view fill their thoughts instead of words. 
“remember when we were kids?” yuna breaks the silence after a while “we had so many dreams.” 
“i didn’t have much, really.” he scoffs. 
“don’t say that.” yuna complains softly.
“what? it’s true.”
“no. i mean it. you’ve always downplayed your dreams. you had dreams.” yuna says seriously. 
yoongi doesn’t answer. did he have dreams for himself? all he wanted was to become what his parents expected from him. yuna, however, had dreams for herself. she was determined to be a doctor even when all the odds were against her. that was the dream. he wanted to fulfill that for her.
some nights were like this. 
“i don’t think I can do this.” yuna is breaking down on the bed with yoongi trying to calm down his girlfriend and roommate on his chest. she really is a smart girl but sometimes, it all just pents up inside and she couldn’t help but burst. 
this is when Yoongi would come to her rescue. yoongi chuckles as he wipes her tears away. he doesn’t say anything at first and lets her cry in his arms. he lets the comfort of his warmth do the job of calming her. 
yoongi loved the thought of being in service to the ones he loves. especially her. he loves how he is her anchor and how she immediately runs to him whenever she sees him. it’s like they were each other’s person. 
“if you can’t do it anymore, then don’t.” yoongi suggests, looking down at her teared up swollen eyes that’s looking at him.
“what? I’m perfectly capable of taking care of you. i think.” yoongi suggests some more. 
yuna pouts. “okay, rich kid. I don’t accept hand overs.” 
he snorts. “they wouldn’t be handovers if you’re my wife.” 
yuna freezes in his hold. “wife?” If her cheeks were red from crying or blushing, yoongi wasn’t sure but he do hope it’s the latter.
yoongi raises a brow. “yes, wife.” 
he could see her hold back her smiles and bites her lips instead. “hm.”
“what you smiling for?” Yoongi teases.
“nothing. that’s oddly comforting but I think I’ll go back to studying now.” yuna giggles before jumping off the bed. she wasn’t wearing anything but his shirt and panties and from his spot in the bed, he could see her ass very well. 
“is this you rejecting my suggestion?” yoongi smirks and places his arm beside his head, raising his line of view. 
“It’s very very tempting, mr. min. I’ll tell you that.” she turns to him from her seat and continues. “make that suggestion a proposal at the right time and i’ll get back to you.” 
“my dream was you.” he blurted out. 
neither of them were looking at each other but their presence screams louder than any sight could ever behold. they were completely open to each other. 
“and that destroyed you.” 
“it didn’t. you did. when you left.” 
it must’ve been the wind. or the exhaustion. or the way the university still feels the same as it did years ago. there was no bitterness, no pain, no longing, just the plain, old, truth.
“seven years. you just threw it away like that. why?” 
no voice was raising. if someone was to look at them, they would think they’re just having a casual morning conversation, not baring themselves to each other. 
“because you never had the guts to do it.” 
yoongi couldn’t answer. 
“you never had the guts to say you were tired. you just gave and gave and gave. you were chipping away and you didn’t even notice. instead, you got angry at yourself. you got exhausted. and i know you blamed me but you never showed it to me. maybe you didn’t even realize it yourself that you blamed me. you just sealed it all away so you could be there for me.”
“and even when i broke up with you, you never fought for me to stay. because you were disappointed in yourself even when i told you over and over that it was not your fault. you didn’t have the guts and you still don’t have it now.” 
yoongi grips the edge of the bleachers. “why are you saying this?” 
“i’m saying i’m sorry.” 
“for what?”
“i’m sorry i didn’t built you up like i should’ve. i’m sorry because i expected more from you. i was angry because i thought that you loved me less because you didn’t give me as much time as you did… but you shouldn’t have to choose me over yourself.” she takes his hand beside her and puts it in her grasp. 
“you came!” 
yoongi appears with a bouquet of flowers at the backstage of the auditorium. yuna had just presented her research that was chosen by the professors and doctors. 
it really was a surprise because yoongi was already busy with his master’s degree and learning the business with his father. the last time yuna had something as big as this, yoongi had missed it. he never forgave himself as yuna was more than disappointed with that happening.
and that’s why when yoongi checks his phone that night, he could see the number of miscalls from his friends and father. he ignores them and goes back to sleeping beside his lover.
not knowing that she was looking at his screen the whole time and realizing she isn’t good for him anymore.
she peppered kisses on the back of his hand. “it was never your fault and i’m okay now. i’ve reached my dreams and you had too. even if you say your dreams wasn’t a sob story like mine, they were still dreams… and i am so so proud of you.” 
“you look so handsome!” yoongi’s mom squeals as she takes a picture of yoongi on his graduation gown. 
yoongi gives her a peace sign, but his eyes search around for only one person. 
“she should be coming soon, son. didn’t you tell me she had to be at the hospital today? and we still have dinner.” 
they didn’t understand. he wanted her here at his moment of success–a milestone and she wasn’t here. 
yoongi watches as she caresses his hand. “i’m sorry for hurting you and i want you to know that i release you from that promise. i’m here now. you don’t have to wait for me anymore. it’s my turn to support you.” 
“all the pain we’ve caused each other, all these years… i’ve thought of you and loved you. they weren’t for nothing because even when you weren’t there for me anymore, your support is what i carried on. you made me who i am, yoongi. i will always be thankful for that and i will always love you just like i promised.” 
“what do you want me to do?” yoongi looks up at the sky, preventing the tears wetting his eyes from falling.
“i think you know what you want to do.” yuna smiles. 
still looking up, yoongi cages his lower lip with his teeth, nodding in reply.
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yoongi is rarely nervous. 
but here he stands in front of a closed door, palms sweating. he hoped the paper in his right hand isn’t affected by it.
he hears a ding inside and the lock of the door click, indicating that it’s gone unlocked. he braces himself for the person coming out.
it’s now or never. 
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you open the door to the person that’s been on your mind for days, for weeks, for months. 
yoongi was in front of you, paper bag in hand. 
he was wearing his casual clothes, a plain pullover and sweat pants. he gave you his cheeky smile. “hi.”
you couldn’t believe you eyes and you take a minute to finally realize the situation you were in. you shake your head to bring yourself back. “h-hi! w-what are you doing here?” 
yoongi was still standing there awkwardly and raised the paper bag in his right hand. “i brought you cheesecake. can i come in?” 
“yes. i suppose you can.” you answer, unsure what was his agenda with his visit. you move out of the doorway, letting him inside your home. 
this wasn’t your home and he had never been here before. still, he heads to the kitchen and gets all the needed utensils for the cake. he places them on your dining table, servicing you like he used to when he cooked for you.
you watched as he moved in your home as if a divorce never happened. yoongi was just like this, you think. he was just genuinely caring. one of his love languages had always been acts of service. 
“eat. this one’s your favorite.” he had cut up a slice for you already. 
he didn’t even prepare one for himself. 
“what about you?” you ask. 
“i won’t take long.” he continues. “i think.” 
you sit down in front of the plate with the slice, taking a fork and a small piece of the cake. you know he wouldn’t let you talk if you haven’t eaten what he prepared. when you chewed the sweet piece of dessert in your mouth, you couldn’t deny you hated it. you loved it and he could see that, you were sure with the smile he was giving.
“why are you here again?” you finally ask. 
“i just have one question.” he answers taking a sit beside you at the head of the table. you take in how much he has changed over the months. his hair was longer now it was needing pins to hook on his hair, and it was so so fluffy. 
you take a piece in your mouth again, nodding. “yeah, sure.” 
you weren’t really expecting the next words to come out of his mouth.
“are you happy dating namjoon?” 
you were glad cheesecake isn’t a very chokeable kind of food because if it was, you would be fighting for your life right now. instead, you froze and look at him with wide eyes. 
you don’t answer quick.
are you dating namjoon?
no, right?
there wasn’t a label established like that. but it’s obvious that something’s going on between the two of you. 
and you like namjoon. he was sweet, insightful, and loveable. he was a good friend and would be an even better boyfriend. 
“i…” you trail off your words, never having to said the words out loud before. you never thought it would be in front of your ex-husband, either. 
“i like him.” you finally say.
you could literally see yoongi’s shoulder slump and his face fall. but he still smiles. he gives you a pained one and does the thing where he scratches the back of his with his pointer finger. “heh. i guess i’m a little late now, aren’t i?”
“w-what are you talking about?” you ask, genuinely confused if you’re getting the right idea.
“i’m saying i’ve gone a little late at winning you back.” his head lowers, not meeting your eyes.
your brows furrow. “aren’t you seeing someone? yuna?”
it was his turn to be confused. “no? yuna and i are just friends now.” 
“but jungkook said you said you were seeing someone? at the bar?” you point out.
“oh. that was my therapist. i’m seeing a therapist.” he explained and your mouth forms an ‘o’. what the fuck jungkook, you think. 
“okay, wow. misunderstandings. okay. sorry. jungkook was being dumb.” you chuckled and drink from your glass of water. 
“does that change things?” yoongi speaks up. he gulps before continuing. “me not dating anyone?” 
his eyes bore into yours as he awaits the answer. you think about it carefully.
does it change things? he is available now and he wanted you back. clearly, things have been going well for him. he was just friends with yuna and has been seeing a therapist. he was doing better. 
but is that enough for you to risk getting hurt again? is him saying he wants you back enough for you to accept him again? well, he does say i love you to your face everyday while thinking of someone else entirely before. 
does taking the risk involve waiting for him? you can’t just wait for him again like before–wait for him to see you, to look at you, to love you. 
he was doing better but he isn’t better enough for you to take him back. 
frankly, you don’t think you could get hurt anymore. you don’t want to put yourself in that position anymore. if you do, you feel like you’ll lose yourself in hoping. you can’t just wait for him forever.
you can’t help but be scared to fall back to him again. what he is over you is the love you have for him but what you have over yourself is the decision you make.
even if he offers himself to you in bare, you had that choice for yourself. 
“no.” you answer firmly. “i still like joon.”
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you thought namjoon only gets invited to museum’s inside the country. turns out, the man was an art connoisseur from around the world.
jungkook and jimin was dragged along with you to paris. your best friend acted like he didn’t want to be here but proved himself otherwise when his eyes sparkle at everything he sees in the city. he does have a hidden love for art and painting. jimin, on the other hand, is loved by the locals here, which is very rare for paris. one artist was so mesmerized by him that you think he’s practically his muse now. you won’t be surprised if you see your friend’s face in one of these museums in the future. 
you only ever attend museums because they are one of the disguised ways for business people to socialize and mask it as some art appreciating good time. rich people who don’t give a flying fuck about these paintings only use them to flex and flaunt their wealth.
but here, namjoon talks to you in every painting, sometimes just staring at them with you. it’s really amazing how he knows so much about these artists and their art. 
how does he store all those information? you literally didn’t even need the guide.
“this one’s famous for his dotting.” he points to the one in front of you. jungkook reacts about how sick the drawing is or something like that and you just agree. whatever your companions were saying, you just tune it out.
it wasn’t that you don’t care about the paintings or something like that. it’s just that your feet were killing you. you weren’t informed that this museum is literally so freaking huge. you had been walking this madness for two hours and you should’ve worn your white sneakers instead. 
and just like all times, namjoon notices. he always does. 
“hey, you okay?” joon asks as he looks down at your unresting feet as you shift on one foot to another repeatedly. “does your feet hurt?” 
“no, i’m fine. let’s finish the tour.” you lie through your teeth.
namjoon sighs and looks over at jungkook. “can you guys wait here?” jungkook agrees and namjoon leaves in a hurry. no doubt about to do something about your feet. 
“why did you wear heels, anyway?” jungkook asks, a little bit judging. jimin smacks the back of his head. “because this was their date!” 
jungkook’s hand flies to the area on his head. “if this was a date, why are we here?”
“because you asked to come with to the museum like a dumbass.” jimin rolled his eyes. 
jungkook raises a brow. “well if this was a date, why did namjoon insist we come with? and pay for our flight and hotel and stuff?” 
it was jimin’s turn to be doubtful, and he looks over to you who was just listening to the conversation. the two wait for you for confirmation.
“don’t look at me. i don’t know why he asked too.” you shrug. 
it was true. namjoon did ask you to a date trip in paris. he literally labeled it a date so you were a bit confused when he told you to bring some friends. 
the three of you stand in silence after, quietly admiring the artworks in the room. 
a few minutes later, namjoon comes back with paper bags in hand. he guided you to sit at one of the stoned backless benches in the middle of the room. jimin and jungkook continues the tour on their own.
he brings out a box of sneakers, beige ones that complement your nude outfit. he also brings out bandages for your feet. he starts to kneel down in front of you and you scramble to pull him up. 
“no, no. i can do it myself.” you argue, making namjoon stop mid-air. 
he chuckles and that damned dimpled smile comes out. “can you just let me do this for you?” he raises his brows and you sigh. 
“fine.” you back down and he proceeds kneel down. 
he began putting bandages on the areas you needed. he asks you if you needed more and you shake your head.
“well, would you look at that? it’s a perfect fit.” namjoon says when your foot slips in the sneakers. you smile, looking down at the beautiful man in front of you. he slips the other one in and does the shoelaces. 
when he was done, he pats your foot and stands up. “why don’t you take a walk and see, cinderella?”
you giggle. you giggle like a school girl and stand up. the sneakers were far more comfortable than your heels as you walk. “they’re perfect, thank you.”
namjoon nods. “anything for you, babe.”
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the rest of the trip flows easily. jimin and jungkook chose to be away from the two of you after the museum and namjoon brings you to a restaurant for dinner. two days later, you were heading back to korea.
namjoon sits beside you in first class and you were having a glass of champagne.
“thank you.” you start, fingers playing with your glass. “for this date trip, really.”
namjoon bites his lower lip and nods. “thank you too.”
“i just have one question, though.” you tilt your head to the side and purse your lips.
“yeah, what is it?” namjoon replies.
“why bring jimin and jungkook if this was a date?” you look over by the middle section of first class where jungkook and jimin were probably fast asleep. you wouldn’t know because there were privacy dividers. but you were definitely sure because of how hard they partied last night and how wrecked they’ve come back to the hotel.
“well, a little birdy told me something about you and flights.” namjoon explains and you were at a loss for words. how did he know about your fear of flying? was it seokjin?
“remember what i said?” namjoon speaks again, and you furrow your brows at the sudden question.
“what exactly?”
“when you told me why you and yoongi got a divorce.” you freeze. that was months ago. why was he bringing it up now?
“oh. that.” he was talking about how he thinks yoongi still loves you.
“i told you it was just intuition because i didn’t have proof.”
you take a sip of your drink and set it down again. “okay… then why are you bringing it up now?”
“because i have one now.” he fishes something from the inside of his jacket and you follow his hands with your eyes.
he hands you a white envelope. you warily accept it and observe it with your keen eyes. “what’s this?” it doesn’t look special but whatever it is, it had a relation to yoongi.
“it’s a letter. i want you to read it when we land home.” namjoon states the obvious.
“i had a really fun time, y/n. thank you.” he gives you his dimpled smile again. this time, there was no denying the hint of sadness in them.
whatever that was, it sounded like a goodbye.
namjoon suddenly changes the topic, whisking you away from the loud thoughts. you quickly hide the envelope in your pocket. you had a feeling that you want to give namjoon all your attention right now.
the flight back consisted of sleeping, talking, eating, and laughing with namjoon.
you both undeniably had a great time and you wouldn’t exchange the experience with anyone.
“so, this is it.” namjoon says as the both of you stand in front of the airport, staring at the streets where it is raining.
“thank you, joon. paris was a dream with you.” you say genuinely.
he gives you a genuine smile this time, nodding once in acknowledgement.
“but it would’ve been perfect if we kissed.” you blurt out.
namjoon grins and shakes his head. he steps closer and places a hand on your face. your lips met and they move softly against each other. his lips were soft, but a little bit on the rough side. the smell of his faint perfume, the cold skin from the airconditioned airport, the curve of his dimple in your hands, and the tingling feeling in your chest, it was all giving a different kind of warmth from the kisses you had in your life time.
he releases you not long after, looking at you longingly.
he steps back again, widening the space between the two of you back to how it was before. “that was perfect.” he says and chuckles. you nod, “yeah. it was.”
“well, i’ll see you around, y/n.”
“you will.”
now that was, for sure, a goodbye.
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back home, the paper on your hand suddenly feels heavy and you were anxious to see what’s inside. but curiosity overpowers the anxiety and you open the envelope to see the letter containing it. 
the folded paper you bring out had a ‘for your eyes only, kim’, written on the corner. your eyes widen. the writing was too familiar for you not to know who this letter is from. 
mr. kim namjoon,
before i start with anything, first, i want to say congratulations on the relationship. well, i’m not happy for you but it’d be rude to say that. second, i’m sorry if my writing turns sloppy. i pondered doing this in email but it didn’t felt heartfelt enough. now that i think about it, i think the last letter i’ve written like this was to my parents after being forced in high school in one of those stupid english homeworks. so again, sorry if it’s bad. maybe i should’ve written y/n one of these letters, i guess that’s just another mistake i have to regret. but enough about me, this letter is about her. 
i know that we’re not the best of pals, and i swear that i’m not doing this for you. i’m doing this for her. i may not be in the position to be this demanding but all i want for her now is to be in good and better hands. i need you to be that person now that you have her. 
the first time i saw her wearing our ring, it was the turning point of my life. after that, she was every day of my life. and i took it for granted. i didn’t hold her the way she needed to be held. i didn’t look her like i should. 
so now that you’re about to be her everyday—her person. i only ask you to hear these things that may be helpful. i may not be a good lover but i was an okay husband. i didn’t love her right but i still knew her and took care of her for four years. 
she likes iced coffee in the morning from a very specific shop but if you make one for her, it’ll be her favorite because it’s you. she used to like it with lots of milk but strong caffeine. on nights she stays up for work, she prefers warm tea. lots of it. have it ready in a pot beside her. she loves midnight cookies too. the chewy ones. 
when she has her period, buy her chocolates. not the fruity ones. she prefers the dark chocolates but won’t say no to milky ones. she doesn’t like white chocolates. nuts are okay too. no raisins. she hates raisins whenever and wherever you put it. 
she loves spicy food but it will make her sneeze a lot after. she’s a bit allergic to shellfish, especially shrimps but she will still eat them because she’s stubborn. please always have medicine in stock. 
she likes shopping for new dresses when there’s an occasion but loves it if you come with her and help her choose. you have to react really well. but you don’t really have to try because she’ll look good even with a garbage bag anyway. she’s very meticulous about clothes too. one faulty sewing and she’ll see that.
she doesn’t like people who chew loudly or talk with their mouths full. i don’t think anyone does anyway.
she watches the same movies over and over again but she will cry over it as hard as she did last time. she doesn’t like when people talk too much on movie night but that doesn’t mean you don’t react at the scenes. if it was a horror movie and she seemed a bit freaked out at the end, leave a dim light open when you sleep. let her hung to you when you sleep too. 
when she has to fly out of the country for work, if you can’t go with her, make sure jungkook is there. she won’t admit it but she still gets scared when flying alone even if her secretary’s with her. it has to be someone she trusts.
she loves when you smell good. so choose your perfume well. 
remind her of her keys or wallet because she keeps forgetting them. when you ask her to buy something, you have to tell her at least three times. don’t just say it like “oh hey can you buy me this when you go out?”, she won’t remember it. 
she shits a lot. her metabolism is amazing, really. 
she makes a face when you say she’s beautiful. sometimes, she even glares. but still, tell her she’s beautiful. because she will. she thinks and says you’re more beautiful than anyone else. 
she loves more than anyone and she deserves to be loved more. even if you look through her eyes and see someone else, she will still love you endlessly. she loves so pure like an amateur magician, even if everyone else can see the trap door, she continues her show with a smile. 
when she loves you, her plans don’t matter as much. because when she loves you, you are her plan. so you have to remind her to make plans for herself too. don’t make her drop everything for you.
when she loves you, even if you don’t give her what she gives you, she will still love you. even if she searches all the corners of the earth just so she can find a bench that fits the two of you perfectly, she will. she would make jokes that make you laugh when you’re down. she would stay up all night learning a recipe if you say you want that dish.
these are just some of the things you have to keep in mind. but really, it doesn’t matter. because when she loves, she gives it her all. it’s not hard to fall in love with her. there’s no doubt about it. 
i used to think that loving should be passionate and overflowing. now i realize that love shouldn’t be burning, it should be just warm. the kind of warmth that a thick blanket gives you in winter. the warmth that a newly baked chocolate chip cookie offers you when you get home tired. the kind that gives you comfort, never hurting you. so, i ask you to give her more than what she gives. love her like she’s home. 
it may be too late for me but not for her. she deserves to be loved more than yesterday, but less than tomorrow. please continue to love her. more than i do. more than anyone else. 
min yoongi.
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the thing is, the heart doesn’t have a specific size. it isn’t only filled with one person. yoongi has been receiving all your love and he began filling it with you. after yuna’s and his closure at the university, yoongi knew what he had to do. 
the drive back to his house after yuna’s talk in the university was fast. he called up taehyung as soon as he got home.
“i need you to get me kim namjoon’s address.” he orders before taehyung could even greet him. 
“hello to you too, sir. his personal address, sir? that’s kind of unethical.” taehyung teased. he ignores his secretary although he had a point. 
“i don’t give a fuck, tae. get to work.” with that, he ends the call. he admits it was a little bit rude but whatever. he needs his address. 
after preparing everything, yoongi sees taehyung had texted him the address an hour ago. he grabs a coat from his closet and heads off. 
he was greeted by maids when he arrived and ruined the doorbell button with his unending pressing. they allowed him through the gate but didn’t let him through the doors of the house. he was asked to wait by the small garden in front of the house
the exterior of namjoon’s home was very modern and green, trees and plants surrounding it. you probably loved the different kinds of plants here. the flowers too. yoongi never cared about these things. 
yoongi is rarely nervous. 
but here he stands in front of a closed door, palms sweating. he hoped the paper in his right hand isn’t affected by it.
the letter. 
he hears a ding inside and the lock of the door click, indicating that it’s gone unlocked. he braces himself for the person coming out.
it’s now or never. 
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yoongi was shaken awake by the sound of his doorbell being rang multiple times and there was unending banging on his door. he realizes that he his friends has a knack of being waking him in the middle of the night when the country is in deep sleep.
god, who and what is it now? he thinks to himself. 
yoongi pushes himself off the bed and heads to his door. barely even having his eyes open, he peeks at who was at the door on his security camera. 
he was pretty sure he was dreaming right now with what he’s seeing.
he was pretty sure because that couldn’t be you, drenched in what seemed to be rain. your hair was sticking to your face and you look you had been somewhere before this. 
he scrambles to open the door, now seeing you in the flesh. your brows were furrowed together and your cheeks were puffed. your face wasn’t just wet from rain, you had been crying. 
before he could even ask what you were doing here or even just speak, you throw something in his direction which he caught and clutched to his chest. he looks down and sees a familiar paper in his hand. 
“w-what–”
“what’s this?” her voice was laced with venom, beautiful but incredibly pissed. 
yoongi sighed. “you weren’t supposed to see this.” 
you shake your head, stepping inside and slamming the door behind you. “no, but i did! so you tell me why!”  
“tell you what?” 
“why namjoon?”  
“what do you mean–”
“you told this to namjoon but not me? you pour your heart out to him but not me?” you were no longer yelling. instead, your voice was at the verge of breaking. 
you push him by his chest repeatedly when he doesn’t answer. “what is it? tell me!”
he stops your hands with his, caging your wrists in his grasp. “stop! i’m not sure what you want me to say.” 
you tug your wrists from him and stare at him with fire in your eyes. “i’m asking you to tell me why you couldn’t tell me you wanted me and why. i’m asking you why you push yourself around.” 
“i’m giving you what you said you want. you like namjoon and he deserved you more than me.” yoongi never raises his voice but you could definitely sense the boiling anger in his words. 
you shook your head as the tears in your eyes were too heavy for you to speak immediately. “but what do you want?” 
“you already know the answer to that.” he spat, raising his brows.
“no! i don’t! because all you gave me are a few words. i need you to tell me you want me, you love me, and why you do. you said all that shit to namjoon but not me! can’t you see? i need you to tell me that. how would i know if you don’t tell me? i need to be sure you love me before i take the risk of loving you again!” 
you were out of breath after you screamed out your agony. yoongi could only stare at you with equally burning eyes.
and he pulled you in.
he pushes his lips to yours and held you close like you’d fade away if he lets go. his hand was at the back of your head, holding it firmly but not enough to hurt you. when you kiss back, it was like he could breathe again. like he was being chased by wolves and finally got away. like his world has finally turned at a normal pace because now you were here. 
when he pulls away, you both stand there still holding each other with your cheeks flushed red. “i love you. it’s always been you.” 
then he takes your mouth again, hands now wondering your body like he was sculpting it. 
he pulls away, catching his breath while speaking. “i’m sorry. for everything.” then he presses his lips on your again. you could only focus on how he was here, kissing you like he never had before, like he was communicating with how he invaded all your senses. 
he pulls away again, now foreheads touching each other. “please…” he says with closed eyes. “please love me again. make me yours. i’m all yours.” he kissed you again, making your heart skip a but as you gasped with a throaty sound against his lips. 
he kisses you like he will never have enough, tongue exploring yours and everywhere. his hand moved around your body like it has a mind of its own. 
before you knew it, he had led you to his bedroom and on his bed. he hovered over you as you both make out passionately. 
then he stopped, pulling away to stare at your face beneath him. he smiled. then his tears started dropping on your face. 
“why?” you mutter, placing a hand on his face, attempting to wipe any tears that fall as he fulls on breaks down above you.
“i love you so much.” he cries then buries his head on your neck. “please don’t leave again.” 
your heart broke at yoongi’s plead. you were about to comfort him but you remembered what just happened. you laugh. you throw your head back and laugh. “stop crying, yoongs.” 
he lifts his head and stares at you in the eyes like he was offended that you took delight in his misery.
“did you realize we just had our first fight?” and you give him a grin.
he looked a bit confused then he gets it, pulling you in a kiss again. 
and the two of you lay there, making love until the morning.
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© wolfvmin. please do not copy, translate, claim any of my works. thank you.
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llycaons · 11 months
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ep7: ah, young love
okay so this episode had a lot of EXCELLENT scenes but also some that don’t land very well and read as a little tryhard and poorly thought out. imo
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since we weren’t done being beaten over the head with the parallels yet 😭
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exchanging significant looks! the first (?) of MANY. they will have a long career in staring at each other ahead of them
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oh damn is that what the original plan was? fuck, this plot is boring
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this is so sweet. wwx got a little connection to his grandmaster
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I remember wwx having much bigger ‘rip to you but I’m different’ vibes but he seems more chill here this rewatch
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FAKE ROCKS LMAO
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this is actually one of my least favorite tropes/moments for wx. it just feels like a contrived situation that’s designed to make the audience go ‘oohhh, that’s gay!!!’ without any intentional input or decisionmaking from the characters. like it turns them from subjects into objects? it’s hard to explain but I think this is annoying and meaningless as a romantic writing choice
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I love how I can read lwj again now. and he looks SO hurt and betrayed
also his face/nose look rounder than usual. he’s always had round features but they look accentuated in this shot. another reason that lines about lwj’s sharp jawline confuse me in fics
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aw shit did he say zhiji
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wwx is so cute when he’s serious
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lwj writing off wwx as telling stories and being silly, internally rolling his eyes, and then VISIBLY reassessing when he realizes that wwx is actually being very clever in misdirecting nhs. like ‘OH. he’s smart!’
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wwx literally looked at lwj for five seconds and jc lost it lmao
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all of his looks of sadness tend to be so...private? inwardly directed? he’s out theoretically in public but he’s experiencing this sorrow entirely unconnected from anyone else. wwx tends to be expressive when he’s sad, jc is loud and physical, jyl reaches out to others. but lwj usually doesn’t let anyone else see, then just tucks it away like this
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this shot is so fucking funny. wx and xy awkwardly standing in the waiting room as the evil cc does heretical experiments in his throne room
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I usually don’t endorse assigning a character top/bottom status because it’s dumb and unrelated to how real life people act. that being said this man is a slut and I fully believe he knows what he’s doing. where’s that post about him being erotically darth vader chocked by wrh
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awww jyl is so pretty
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man, wwx really was a dick to nhs
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ah I love this scene. so pretty!
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mm! lxc and lqr being there too is so nice. it’s easy to forget that they’re teachers too and they look after these kids
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CLASSIC SHOT. I fully endorse the ‘lwj had a crush he was confused and frustrated by, and at this moment his crush compounded into genuine and very intense young love’ I don’t endorse love at first sight I think it’s silly
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at first I felt bad because jzx didn’t want to be in an arranged marriage (fair) and wwx kept going after him for it but nah. look at his face. what a tool
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wwx trying so hard to protect his sister’s heart/reputation bc he loves her but his public freakouts just embarrass and humiliate her more 😭
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I love that lwj has never looked this confused before or since
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I love youuuuu
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so funny that this is how we’re introduced to jfm, who is notorious for having no backbone
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this is what I mean when I say wwx seems to be from a different setting than other characters. nobody else would do this type of exaggerated posturing. it gives him such a distinct personality and mannerisms, which is probably really hard to write coherently
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interesting you say that, with your history. you who never married, hm?
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I cannot believe that people genuinely think jfm was as bad or worse than myu. for all his faults, he stood up against jgs to ensure his daughter didn’t end up in an unwanted marriage like his. and he doesn’t treat wwx (or jc) as well as he should, but myu would never have taken wwx in and never would have loved him or defenced him or taught the way jfm clearly does. he does treat jc badly, but it’s not like myu treats jc much better, and the fact that she treats him worse because wwx is around and better than him at stuff doesn’t reflect on jfm or wwx, but rather on her as a person. I have a soft spot for jfm despite not really respecting him at all
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the song playing here is SO sad god he misses her so much
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jyl saying wwx will marry a beautiful woman, because she thinks him flirting with guys is a phase or something?. I actually read her as very sweet and loving to wwx, but straight and not really totally understanding how his attraction to men is just as important to him, if not moreso, than his attraction to women. a few explanations for his response
1. he means it because he’s not bi as speculated, he’s gay (possible - he’s been very forward with the porn and the insinuations)
2. he means it because he’s already sold on marrying lwj (VERY early for this to be the case imo. also he was laughing about living in CR and the idea of someone marrying lwj just a few eps ago)
3. he means it because he genuinely doesn’t want to get married he just wants to hang out with his big sister (if so: 🥺😭)
4. he’s pretending to joke around but he really means it but he doesn’t know why yet (given how good he is at masking his own desires and avoiding his own feelings, perhaps this is most likely)
5. he’s fully joking in order to make her happy (he doesn’t seem that serious to me)
imo if the writers wanted this to be a legitimate moment of wwx expressing his desires that conflict with jyl’s (and the rest of society’s) views on what marriage should be, they should have maybe not framed it so lighthearted? ah, it’s wwx, he hides what he really wants under jokes all the time
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in the book he actually inspired like, dozens of disciples to drink and shirk their classwork instead of just nhs and jc. very funny ngl
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hard to see in this shot but wwx’s look of what I can only describe as awe when lwj walks in. my boy
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I love his confidence he’s so funny
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oh everything hurts
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he’s so funny playing around with the bunnies and making them talk. too much ‘chaos gremlin’ wwx not enough ‘playful and sweet’ wwx
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something I really love about these early arcs, despite that yin metal plot being so boring I could cry, is how protective wwx is of lwj. he really cares about him and wants him to be okay!
overall despite adoring young wwx and lwj, and enjoying many of the scenes in this episode, I still think this arc has the least compelling wx. but it's laying really important groundwork for plots and relationship dynamics that will become delicious later, so I don't mind
personal highlights
lwj’s confused face
wwx being very dramatic
jfm defending jyl and jzx’s right to decide who they marry
xy, for being very entertaining in his sluttiness
wwx making the bunny talk
wwx being protective of lwj
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insomniakisses · 1 year
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HI! I've been very busy bc i just moved in w friends and moving's a bitch but i had free time again today and caught up w my favorite blogs (as one does) and i just HFJDJDHDHDH if it was physically possible for me to foam at the mouth i would've because
Damn
The alpha!twice reactions to 'too bug's practically had me biting my knuckles i love those girls so much.
Werewitch!Pen is a GODLY idea i just fjfjjdjdb yes.
I hadn't thought about Grimm in years but i loved that show! Only con was that I'm a big dragon fan and their dragons were. Meh.
The Katherine story... I love her so fucking much. Her confidence just. Does me in. And her caring so much and her being rough but w soft aftercare i just 🔥
A hybrid omega being bred by Bonnie bc she wants a tribrid baby... Fuuuuck. (Made me think of an arranged marriage type of thing bc both families are involved in a tribrid baby with Bennett blood and neither part is into it but seeing how hot the other is... it couldn't hurt to try)
And the cherry on top that made me literally bite my knuckles... Bear Josie 🐻
The trapping you under her and fucking her until you pass out (and wake up and she'd still be going)... 🥵 Also i just Know she'd have hairy arms and a happy trail and she'd be So Strong. Easy enough to manhandle you however she wants to... 😶‍🌫️
Welp! So how've you been?
- 🌀
Ah moving seems stressful tbh, im moving into uni halls in september than next year renting a place wi ma friends!
Twice r my babies honestly i love them sm
Jus like this cocky witch with wolf strength and deep growls. 😳
Its so good and bad at the same time 😂🤷🏻 i hadnt either and then a tiktok edit came to my fyp and i subsequently brought a £50 boxset and started simping over rosalee and adalind 😳🥺. Yeah the dragons sucked ass tbh.
Ah miss patrova is a cocky alpha but shes so ao loving ans the last thing she wants is you hurt
Jus the idea makes her hard and while u two argue alot it makes great angry sex and she jus breeds u until u give her a whole covern of tribrid babies
Bear josie holds my heart 🥺 imma make a fic like i did introducing shiva ryujin. Bc bear josie has a bad past too. Her last owners abandoned during her hibernation 😒
She jus has so much cum to give and ur gonna take it. Non stop shooting cum deep into u as she wakes up. YESSSS 😳 the happy trail and arm hair snsjsjsjs she so manhandles u
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lotus-dly · 2 years
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𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐊𝐢𝐝𝐬 𝐅𝐢𝐜 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐬
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* indicates favorite fics : )
𝐌𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢-𝐌𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐅𝐢𝐜𝐬 *lacuna by @hwangsies ~ pairing: lee minho x reader x hwang hyunjin ~ genre: slice of life, nonidol!au, established poly relationship
golden hour by @jiminbbyboy ~ featuring: bang chan x f.reader x hwang hyunjin ~ The three of them had fallen into a habit for sharing a bed and cuddling. What happens when feelings get involved?
penguin down by @chaoticminhos ~ pairing: reader x 00 line
dumb and ridiculous! by @getcooler ~ Pairing: Lee Know (Skz) x Reader (she/her pronouns) x Bang Chan (Skz) ~ Genre: College!AU / fake dating / (fr)enemies to love
stray kids as types of boyfriends by @skzsaturn ~ genre: fluff ~ Chan, Minho and Han
friendship with hyunjin and minho by @ballelino​ ~ your friend with benefits minho wants both you and his roommate hyunjin to get what you want ~ there is also a part two that you HAVE to read :) ~ endgame hyunjin x reader!!
𝐁𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧 *the chance of love by @maatryoshkaa ~ high society/private school!au, retro!high school au, slow burn, slice-of-life romance, enemies-to-lovers, angst 
and i just can’t reach out to tell you by @pjmsomnia ~ short and sweet, angst, fluffy and happy ending ~ inspired by the ep of Chan’s room where he says ‘I can’t even fall asleep’ in response to being asked if he’s ever fallen in love
Mamihlapinatapai by @sunnyville36 ~ royal au, medieval au, court intrigue, arranged marriage, original characters, mutual pining, slow burn
*reckless by @lveletters ~ female reader and pirates (which means: swearing, kidnapping, swordfights and other non-graphic, pirate-y violence as well as references to slavery, prostitution, and alcohol). it’s generally pg-13 though.
priceless by @luvknow ~ rich kid!chan x fem!reader feat. rich kid!felix & rich kid!w**jin ; friends-to-lovers ; fluff ; angst ; alcohol consumption ; crazy rich asians inspired
*instinct by @fizzydrink698 ~ romance, a/b/o, slow-burn, college au, and they were roommates
phobia by @staywritten ~ IdolAu, One shot, Angst, Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Song Fic? 
mayhem by @kpopchangedme ~ mature, zombie au, unrequited love if you blink
priceless by @chaoticminhos ~ angst, fluff, enemies to lovers, rich kid! bang chan au
the nanny by @dreamescapeswriting ~ fluffy, fluff and fluff, Non Idol AU, Single dad Au
a love that lasts by @staywritten ~ Parent!Au, Dad!Bang Chan, Fluff, Nonidol!Au
of letters and potions by @decembermoonskz ~ friends-to-lovers!au, modern magic!au, college!au; three cups of fluff, a cup of humor too, a dash of idiots-to-lovers
*wolfsbane by @healinghyunjin ~ 11/10 one of my favorite bc fics ~ romance, angst, fluff, smut; historical!AU, arranged marriage!AU, strangers-to-lovers, 18+
between guilt and forgiveness by @hanqu0kka ~ You innocently thought that your week couldn't get any worse, but it all went downhill when you accidentally broke your boyfriend's laptop.
gone by @yuggyee ~ Break-up Fic; Friends to Eventual Lovers ~ You just can’t seem to get over your ex Minho. But maybe the first step to moving on is spending one night at your campus’ annual fair with your friend Bang Chan.
hold on tight by @teasty ~ You’ve never known about your boyfriend’s secret and very illegal job, if you could even call it that. ~ a lil bit of fluff at the beginning | angst | smut (mdi!)
m.i.a by @softstraykids ~ best friends to lovers au! you and chan have been best friends for as long as you can remember but as high school comes around he changes, you change and you two grow apart. but that wasn’t the ending of your story with chan. it was just the beginning.
*my turn to wait by @kim-seung-mo ~ You felt like you were the only one putting any effort in this relationship. Was is worth fighting for anymore?
*a night to remember by @dreamescapeswriting ~ when I tell you this broke my soul and made me cry ~ angst with a happy ending, mentions of self deprecation, basically prepare the tissues
first by @softyhyunjin ~ bestfriend au, college au, love triangle, angst, fluff   ~ You always come first.
past, present, future by @utopianvoices ~ high school acquaintances to lovers au; fluff, one second of angst ~ Your best friend drags you to his high school reunion against your will, and never have you encountered such chaos. Alternatively, you go on the journey of making more friends, and a potential lover.
*take me back by @loveliestfelix ~ angst and fluff ~ click link for description :)
*my universe by @thevampywolf​ ~ pls this is the fluffiest fit ever it gave me butterflies 
𝐋𝐞𝐞 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰 symphony by @lixesque ~ lee minho x gender neutral reader; fluff and angst, enemies-to-lovers, fake dating, a bit of a college au, implied nsfw content but nothing explicit. some mentions of vomiting but again nothing explicit
dumb and ridiculous! by @getcooler ~ College!AU / fake dating / (fr)enemies to lovers
how to win over the ice prince by @mrs-i-have-too-many-biases ~ Fluff/ slight angst
*a marriage story by @scxrlettwxtches ~ fluff, angst, best friends to lovers
*a promise well broken by @uwuyangin ~ if anyone was certain of one thing, it would be the fact that both you and minho were a two in one deal. never would somebody see one and not the other. since the beginning of your friendship, you promised each other that no matter what, you would never lie. pinky promises were forever right? that is until you meet hana, the one person that had the potential to tear you and minho apart.
wounds by @kamino-ink ~ soulmate!au, floof, lowkey suggestive, uhh lemme get some angst
youngblood by @changbeanie ~ college!au, best friends to lovers!au; angst, fluff, explicit language, mentions of alcohol, suggestive, slow af burn
clandestine by @crispy-chan ~ cop!au, non-idol au, strangers to lovers, fluff, action
love equation by @hanjisungz-remade ~ friends to lovers au, college au, fluff, slight angst
face your feelings by @huenjin ~ your feelings for your best friend are causing you more trouble than it should, let alone the revelation of him failing to recognise your face
unrequited by @jl-micasea-fics ~ Lee Know is your best friend, with benefits, and the most sought after ‘entertainer’ in the city. But what do you do when emotions run high and the line between friends and lovers begins to blur?
*pas de bourrée by @jisungnaur ~ 100/10 one of my absolute favorite fics ever ~ swearing, hyunjin’s ur bestie, mentions of alcohol, lots of family trauma, depression, mentions of self-harm and suicide, eating disorder, unprotected sex (oop), virgin!reader, fingering, probably will have you crying at 2am?? (I was crying at 2 am TT)
nightmare by @nightshade-minho ~ fake dating!au, college!au, roommates!au, best-friends to lovers!au
enchanted by @fantastic-bby ~ Fluff, Romance, Idiot to Lovers, Slow burn, Modern Royalty AU, Figure Skater AU, College AU
pine needles by @sweetrainwrites ~ putting up a christmas tree with your boyfriend goes slightly awry as you realize that you both have very different tastes in decorations.
*minho-hybrid au by @straynstay ~ no summary :)
between the lines by @maatryoshkaa ~ In which a frantic search for an overdue library book leads to you finding other things that are...long overdue.
*cupid's christmas by @btssmutgalore ~ had me screaming, crying, kicking my feet ~ Your friend creates the perfect Christmas blind texting event for all her single friends, including you. While you're texting a person who seems to be perfect for you, you start interacting with your college arch-nemesis, Lee Minho, a lot more.
*I’m my mother’s daughter by @jisungparker​ ~ fluff, angst, smut ( click link for general warnings) ~ when I tell you that your heart will break but be mended by the end 10/10 reccomend
*the enemies to lover project by @softukiyos​ ~ 𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘵; 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘦 𝘢𝘶, 𝘴𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵, 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧 ~ 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘫𝘪𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘨'𝘴 𝘱𝘴𝘺𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦 -- 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘮𝘺, 𝘭𝘦𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘩𝘰, 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘪𝘵. 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥.
𝐇𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐧 *the strange man of monterrey manor by @quokkacore ~ 100/10 best hyunjin fic I’ve ever read ~ mystery, suspense, horror, angst, smut, historical drama, strangers/enemies to lovers, slow burn, arranged marriage au, regency au
*the duke and I by @chanluster ~ noble! reader, duke! hyunjin, hyunjin is a fucking rake, reader is a fucking nerd, also really really innocent, hyunjin is sosososo hot, a lot of teasing, foul language too, endearments, sexual tension, kissing, making out, corruption kink!!!!! corruption! fucking! kink! oral (f. receiving) fingering, unprotected sex (stay safe hoemies!!) orgasming on multiple occasions, there is fluff i promise, yes there is angst, also seungmin cameo of him being a drunk fool, and slight references to regency poets and writers here and there
moonrise by @healinghyunjin ~ romance, fluff, smut; historical!AU, arranged marriage!AU, strangers-to-lovers, 18+
*bad ideas by @yuggyee ~ literally cried my eyes out in the best way over this masterpiece ~ Fake Dating AU, College AU, Twin AU ~ When your crush, Sam Hwang, is adamant about setting you up with his twin brother, Hyunjin, you both decide to fake date. Maybe that’s a bad idea though.
seven hundred and one by @peaches-writes ~ fluff, childhood friends to lovers au, slow burn (technically it is), historical au, vampire au (vampire!skz, implied incubus!hyunjin idk yall decide), witch au (immortal!reader), a sprinkle of established relationship towards the end, implied fem reader
*a christmas with you by @jenna-skzooma ~ You had taken it upon yourself to help your sister out of society's shame, which involved insuring the infamous rake, Baron Hyunjin's undivided attention. Yet once in close quarters, you find yourself beholden to his smoldering advances.
the valentine trials by @jeonginks  ~ friends to lovers au, fluff with angst, mutual pining yay ~ it’s always fun to be stuck in a valentine themed check-point game with your crush, not to mention your hands are taped together the whole time.
*black rose by @decembermoonskz​ ~ figure skater!au, college!au enemies-to-lovers!au, soulmate!au; figure skater!hyunjin, figure skater!reader, angst, fluff ~ what’s it like to know your soulmate is someone you hate? no one talks about those soulmates who despise each other and wish they could trade. this is that story.
*the study of relationships by @huenjin​ ~ fluff, angst | volleyball!au, f2l!au, roommates!au ~ college team's volleyball captain and your roommate-cum-best friend, hwang hyunjin argues with you over guys being better than girls in relationships to help you out of one. or in which hyunjin is in love with you for years now and he finally decides that maybe he doesn't want that best friend tag anymore. ~ one of my fav Hyunjin fics of all time
*shattered sky by @maaaaaatryoshka0325​ ~ now listen when I tell you this is one of my favorite fics that I've ever read and I cried nearly every chapter ~ prepare your hearts  ~ Your safe haven is destroyed by walkers, and now you and your best friend, Hoseok, and another man from your village, Woobin, are forced to find shelter elsewhere. You’re taken in by a group and brought to a place they named “district 9”.
*bits of stardusts by @jeonginks​ ~  historical au, fluff, angst, strangers to lovers ~ traveling back in time is fun, especially when hyunjin wants to know all about modern day life.
𝐅𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐱 *perfect distraction by @jl-micasea-fics ~ WHEN I TELL YOU THIS HAD BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH 🦋 ~ Felix is the perfect, untouchable man you can only long for from the back of the college lecture hall. Until a chance encounter and offer of distraction brings those yearnings closer than you’d ever have thought was possible.
nights by @cloudyhyunjin ~ super super cute spiderman au ~ You notice a certain red and blue vigilante has started making sure you get home safely
*beauty within by @changbeanie ~ the one was everything!! I'm such a sucker for beauty and the beast inspired aus ~ There is more to a person than their outer appearance, for beauty is only skin deep.
hey, hey, golden boy! by @staysuki ~ childhood friend!reader x popular boy!lee Felix, friends to lovers  ~ deep down you knew that things won't always be the same as it was when you were kids. as you grew up, felix became more and more popular compared to you, who remained invisible in the crowd. although you took this as a sign of drifting apart and denying your feelings for your childhood bestfriend, felix did not.
a failed date (and a late confession) by @softukiyos ~ 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦, 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘹 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦.
*crooked candle by @honeyvocalhwang ~ Fluff, Angst, Roommate AU, Friends to Lovers  ~ Enlisting Felix for his baking skills, you ask Felix to help bake a cake, but face rejection due to his forgetfulness of your birthday. An hour before midnight, Felix realizes his grave mistake and attempts to secretly bake a cake for the first time to make it up to you. 
behind the mask by @kamino-ink​ ~ Spiderman!au, fluff, angst ~ You’ve started to notice how your friend has begun to show up to class absolutely exhausted, always falling asleep - he claims it’s just his schoolwork and his internship, but what you don’t know is that his so-called “internship” is actually his duty to serve the people of Queens as Spiderman.
meteor garden by @kamino-ink​ ~ College!au, heavily inspired by Meteor Garden 2018, fluff, angst, sorta slice of life?? ~ You’re the side-character in someone else’s fairytale, and for the most part, you’re okay with it, except you’re constantly seeing the nice guy lose. Sometimes you wished you were the main character of your own story, just so you could make him happy.
silver lining by @changbeanie​ ~ vampire au (based loosely on The Vampire Diaries), fluff, angst ~ Felix is hiding something. The more he hides it, the more determined you are to find out.
misunderstanding by @staywritten​ ~ Sometimes a simple conversations could save a lot of heartache ~ Fluffy, Angsty, smutty, fluffy, romantic
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cinnamonest · 3 years
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pleaseee, the day someone makes a gi rapist au ill fucking ASCEND. and i dont just mean like, regular noncon fics, i mean aus in which for one reason or another theyre canonically rapists (like zhongli has definitely raped a fellow god to show his dominence and beidous probably fucked one of her crew members while they were drunk, or maybe xiao literally cant control himself due to his karmic energy around women so he just rapes them ): stuff like that). im glad we're having this convo bc it just makes me so (:
REALITY CAN BE WHATEVER I WANT
But seriously I mean I'm not the type of person to insist something is canon when it's not but I could totally see it/like to think so.
I mean Kaeya and Diluc both 1000% seem like they would have a subordinate/maid that they at least sexually harass if not full on blackmail and manipulate into sex on the regular. Diluc canonically has a lot of dudes trying to get him to marry their daughters... He's gotta at least have set his eyes on one, or perhaps ignores all those dudes bc he already has a cute lil maid he's pressuring into sex all the time and already planning how to ascend her from maid to wife status. Kaeya's canonically very flirtatious and is implied to have emotional/loneliness issues, so it makes sense he's definitely gonna latch onto the first dumb naive little thing that doesn't catch a whiff of the crazy from a mile away and allows him to get close. Also could easily get away with a male subordinate especially, because then people would be less likely to suspect harassment, and he can get away with being alone with them even more. But even a cute maid for the knights or something would work just as well. And as I've said these are our prime date rape drugging candidates, so no little darling in Teyvat isn't safe if the local handsome businessman or charming knight asks you to come get a drink with them.
Zhongli and Venti 100% you can't convince me they didn't, the archon war and all that. Godhood is brutal, sometimes cute lil gods/goddesses get fucked by superior deities and that's just how it is. Barbatos probably felt insecure over being a weaker archon and sought out some little god or goddess that was even tinier and weaker and offered them protection in exchange for servitude or the like. Morax definitely brutalized some little god/goddess that dated challenge his authority and power.
Xingqiu... Probably has an arranged marriage set up already. You know how aristocrats are and all that. He sees his future lil wife every now and then bc they have to make public appearances and have to sit with each other at social gatherings, and he always whines like the brat he is. Come on you're gonna be married eventually anyway! What are you "saving" for? Go ahead and have sex with him NOW there's no point in waiting he's a horny teen boy dammit he has NEEDS >:/ definitely whines and pressures her until she gives in and now they have... Premarital marital relations every time they see each other and he gets them to sneak away from crowded social functions to go fuck in various places around the estate.
And you're right poor bb Xiao has no self control, Razor too. You mean to tell me if either of those two find some cute girl wandering all by herself they're just gonna sit there and do nothing? Let her pass? I think the fuck not. Some poor gorl that decided to go wandering through the woods or adepti territory and just got lost, or perhaps made the mistake of stripping down to bathe in a river or the like while camping out in the wilderness. Literally like animals, just on-sight acting on impulse to fuck her there in the wilderness and then drag her home with them.
Childe too. Probably a little trainee assigned to him. He has all that authority and power and I'm supposed to believe he wouldn't abuse it to fuck and impregnate a sweet fatui soldier?? Ruin her hopes and dreams of becoming successful and tie her down with a baby instead?? Of course he has.
And considering the nature of yanderes hiding darlings away, it's not like we as the player would ever know if there is a poor lil thing locked up somewhere in the dawn winery or the dragonspine research camp or a teapot somewhere. So who knows... But yeah those are the most canonically likely imo, the rest are certainly well on their way there though. A matter of time and opportunity.
Chongyun and Bennett are being held back by morality so they probably haven't yet... They just need a qt to push them over the edge with being a cocktease until they snap. Albedo is just so asocial he hasn't had the opportunity yet, but once a sweet little qt comes along and triggers his emotions he'll get em locked away in a cute little cage somewhere. No worries, they will all become awful with time as they should be.
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I came to think that, if one of Aciers biggest weakness was her love for a husband who didn't loved her back, maybe it took her time to realize that this love was just one-sided. Maybe she didn't want to aknowledge it for very long and she only accepted it when she was pregnant with Noelle. Could also be a reason why Nozel would hate his father, after all he admired his mother a lot. This headcanon needs more thinking, but that would make some nice scenario for a fic.
Or then it was just another royal marriage that was expected of her. It a bit difficult to say, since we don't know what are the marriage customs of royalty. I remember reading a theory that royalty can avoid arranged marriage by joining magic knights, which is why Fue and Nozel aren't married to anyone yet.
But it's all theories thus far. Although interesting to think, since we don't know... a lot of anything really about the parents of the current cast, aside from Acier. And I don't think we'll necessarily find out about it, since it doesn't seem plot relevant. But since it's said that BC is supposed to be really long, maybe in some point down the road.
It could be that she loved Papa Silva, or then not. Maybe it was just another arranged marriage that was expected, and she went along with it, treating it like a business deal. And maybe it was the same for him.
The only difference being that Acier really did love her children, meanwhile Papa Silva didn't. And that indifference would surely be enough to make a child resent their parent. Meaning that, that indifference and disregard on Papa Silva's part, would be enough to make Nozel hate his father.
I'm typing this down to introduce the idea that Acier doesn't necessarily need to love Papa Silva.
Of course we'd like to have kids with someone we love, but it's not always a reality. It's just that we don't know a lot about the whole situation, other than that Papa Silva isn't shown, and the most he's talked about is pretty much that "he has water magic".
But there's a lot to think, and unravel in there indeed
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nyerus · 4 years
Note
hi! what are some of ur fav fics for all mxtx's three pairings?? pls recommend!! thank uu~
Hi Anon! I have a LOT of fave fics (esp for Hualian), but I’ll be good and limit them to like 3 per pairing haha! Some are explicit, some are not! Please mind the tags!~ I tried to give a good variety in type though!
Bingqiu Fics:
1.) He Was Made For Untidy Rooms and Rumpled Beds by Bluethursday - Excplicit This is my fave Bingqiu fic, and is so good that I basically consider it canon. It’s everyone thirsting after an oblivious SQQ!
2.) by omission by Yuu_chi - Mature This is a SY/SQQ reveal fic. Really good amount of tension, and I’m looking forward to the next part eagerly!
3.) Let’s Do This Again by marizousbooty SQQ re-transmigrates to his old world and body. It’s very heartwrenching, but it has a happy ending!!!
Bonus: You, Have Always Wanted a Place to Call Home by Bluethursday - Mature This is Bingge/Shen Yuan (BingYuan), so not technically Bingqiu, but it still basically is. It’s superb, period!
Wangxian Fics:
1.) The Price of Old Wishes by SoManyJacks - Explicit This is canonverse retold from LWJ’s PoV and it’s really great! I had such a good time with it and looked forward to each and every chapter!
2.) seldom all they seem by Fahye - Explicit This is a canon-divergent arranged marriage AU and suuuper sweet. Will also hit you in the feels!
3.) grow by cafecliche - Teen I read this one recently and adored it, though its not strictly wangxian. WWX gets turned into a kid on a nighthunt and the juniors take care of him. It’s a nice character study as well.
Hualian Fics:
1.) Tangled by ChoAyako - Explicit Excellent use of the butterfly silk, imo!!! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
2.) between a rock and a hard place by Naamah_Beherit - Explicit Probably one of my fave explicit fics for Hualian. Super spicy!~ I think I’ve re-read it like 5 times by now.
3.) the state of you by flowerpathy(silverheartstrings) - Mature I am a huge sucker for meta type fics and this one is XL and HC exploring HC’s past. I cried bc I’m a baby and it just hit me in the feels super hard!!! ;;;;;
Bonus: these pieces in my hands by yoonminomL - Teen This is actually a post-canon fix it for Beefleaf (ShangXuan) and QuanYin, with only background Hualian. But I really enjoyed it and thought it was worth mentioning!
This is kind of a random selection, but still--hope you enjoy, Anon!~  (ノ´ヮ`)ノ*: ・゚
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Momo Ōkami
Notes: I….just, here *hands you this fic *. I may work as a housekeeper, but I’m in the mood for something dirty, I’ll tell you that. Jokes aside, I really miss writing self indulgent stuff :’) I got the title from Momotaro and Okami bc I’m not original and I needed a title :’)
Genre: Some angst, but enough fluff to drown cotton candy in bc boy am I a sap
Au: Yokai Au
Warnings: Reader’s a simp (and I am too), incorrect knowledge of everything, kinda slowburn, arranged marriage, “kidnapping”, smut, and kinks.  
……………
    After the old Oni of the mountain had passed away or moved out, another one simply took his place. He was different, you could tell. Soft yellow hair, bright amber eyes, and healthy, peach colored skin had given away that he wasn’t full Oni. Yes he was tall, muscular, and had a roundness to his stomach and face, but he wasn’t as fearsome nor tall as the former one who terrorized your forest for years.  
Belonging to one of the most powerful clans in the forest, you and your family were still wary of the new half-ogre yokai. Although seemingly peaceful, one could never be too careful. Especially whenever you made your nightly trips around the mountain roads at night for fresh rabbit or deer, you knew that he was staring at you. It didn’t bother you like you thought it did, for this type of staring felt different. As if he was taking your character in from curiosity, rather than with malicious intent.
 You found yourself returning his curiosities, staring up at the mountain, venturing a little too close to his home as you seen him tend to normal, almost domestic things, such as feeding chickens or adding wood to the fire. He seemed to live a peaceful life, his life did not revolve around the other Oni, such as terrorizing and eating humans, or causing mischief and grief upon others. At times he’d catch you staring, and when the two of your eyes have met, it felt such an odd intimacy between the both of you, you felt emotions that were very akin to a human’s, swell within you, and couldn’t find yourself to hate them. After a few months of playing this odd little game, it escalated.      
 You and your family were called Okuri-Okami, or “sending off wolf”. It didn’t take a smart person to figure it out, with your family making daily trips around the mountains, playing this life or death game with innocent travelers, and had a reputation of being although not the noblest, but an old and respected clan within the forest. You yourself weren’t really into eating the villagers who still thought that your kin were noble, going as far as building a shrine for your family and gift them food and nice things for not eating them. Humans were odd, and the fact that you could transform into your human form, made it more difficult to stomach the thought of eating them, to your parent’s disapproval.  
When the Oni had caught wind that you weren’t into eating humans, he’d started acting different. At first you didn’t understand why, but he’d started to indulge you by waiting for your own nightly routine to start, and start walking several steps ahead of you, letting you to purposely “escort him to safety”. He would never trip, and even if he did, you weren’t the type to pounce and try to gobble anybody up, unlike most of your kin. You were sure that your kind didn’t eat Oni, and so it confused the ever loving hells out of you when he started this little game out of the blue.
When you “escorted” him to the mountain pass which led to his home, he’d say “Thanks for seein’ me off, Darlin’” in such a smooth and husky voice, you couldn’t but help feel the warm, familiar emotions flutter within you. He would skip a night, only for gifts such as sekihan, deer meat, or other small little things for you to appear at the edge of his territory. Not knowing what to really do, you accepted the gifts with a mix of confusion and gratitude, and the next night, he would be there with a giant smile.
“My name’s Taishiro.” He broke the awkwardness between the two of you, and you caved in and gave him your name, liking the way it rolled off of his tongue.
 Months had passed. The two of you started talking more often as he walked next to you rather closely, stepping in pace right next to yours as he did so. You were a little shy, but his warm aurora and bright smiles and twinkling eyes crumbled your resolve rather quickly. You began to use your clothed human form, letting him take in your feminine features, feeling a pleasing warmth whenever you noticed that he stared at you a little longer than usual, or would have pink dust settle on his cheeks.
You had to admit, he was very handsome, as well. You tried your best to sneak glances, but would turn beet red and look away whenever you felt that he had caught you red-handed. He would chuckle and it fed the fire growing within you.
“I better not trip, or you’ll eat me up, Sugar.” He gave a wink, and you swore that time had froze when he said that, then you would flush furiously and let out a growl mixed in with an embarrassed whine, causing him to bellow with laughter. To say that you had grown closer to him, was an understatement of the century.
He learned slowly but surely that you were the only child of your parents, how you never wanted to feed on human flesh, and that you didn’t know what to do with your life. He listened thoroughly and replied with his own words of encouragement and that he was glad that you didn’t feed upon humans, for that would make it awkward. When asked why, he finally opened up to you. His mother was human and his father was an Oni. Growing up for him was harsh because everybody knew what his father was, and there was very little his mother could do to protect him. So he left, and kept traveling until he found a more remote forest with very little villagers around. Although he didn’t hate humans, his mother was one, and he was half. It gave you a sense of sympathy for him, and it strengthened your resolve to never become like your parents, and he broke the boundaries of your physical contact by gently patting your shoulder.
That was another thing, touches. He would always find an excuse to touch you, whether it be a simple head pat, ruffling hair, gently squeezing your hand, or other soft, platonic touches that left you all too warm and all too disappointed when he’d break away, grinning brightly and seemingly too unaware of the affect that he has a hold onto you. It made you feel a little more braver as the nights and days would pass, ever so softly returning the hugs he gave you, and shyly yet surely pat his shoulder or gently squeeze his arms or hands. A rush of prideful victory swelled within you as you noticed that his eyes would soften or blood would rush to his cheeks. You liked this man, and didn’t know how to really handle your growing feelings for him.
You didn’t dare tell your parents. Already they were disappointed in you that you refused to eat humans, and now you were corresponding with a half-breed Oni? Sure you could live somewhere else, and break yourself away from your small pack, but if you did that, then they would run you out of the forest for good, that, or kill you. A sadness overcame you that you realized that you wouldn’t be able to see Taishiro, anymore if you were gone. You’ve grown very fond of him, and it surprised you on how easily he tore down your defenses, and instead of feeling vulnerable, you felt very warm and comfortable. It was scary, because although you knew you were on thin ice with your parents, you didn’t mind taking risks to just be near the tender giant.  
  Soon, it all came to a freezing halt as your parents sat you down one day, and began to speak to you with the familiar coldness lacing their tones of voices.  
“You’re old enough now to start a family and live away from us. The Tanuki living in the eastern shrine has offered a handsome dowry of fine meats and Sake for your hand in marriage. Your father and I will worry about the guests and your attire, so don’t worry.” Was the harsh slap of reality. You knew that your parents will not let you have a say in it. In your pack’s mind, it was true. You weren’t a pup, anymore, you were unclaimed, and you didn’t fit in with your clan’s expectations or traditions. You were now chained to their final decision of just marrying you off, thus you were prevented from doing your nightly routines, leaving your mother to educate you in being a good wife, and your father to plan the wedding and invite guests.
 You missed him. Although two days had passed, you were kept inside your family’s little shrine as your mother doted on your outfit and hair. Your father had been gathering the guests and materials and plans for the wedding as you tried to worry on how to act as a wife and take care of your husband, but your thoughts kept venturing back to Tai, hoping that he wasn’t disappointed or too upset. A voice within you wished that he was your betrothed, instead, and you weren’t really surprised with that thought.
….……………..
The little wolf intrigued him. Instead of being frightened by him, she just waltzed up on that mountain as if she owned the place, not caring who or what he is, and he knew from that day on, he was hooked. He couldn’t help but play a little game with her, courting her with gifts and make it known that he was interested. The canine yokai took a spell to warm up to him, and he wouldn’t doubt that she still didn’t know that he was courting her, but to be honest, it was a treat seeing how she blossomed, coming out from her shyness. He was more pleased and surprised that she began her own little venturing, returning his small touches and face would resemble a fire as he caught her admiring him or trying to reach out and initiate a small touch. Nobody had ever done that for him, and he doubted that she had the same attention. He tugged away from the dark, possessive thoughts that lurked.  
It didn’t take long for him to develop romantic feelings for the woman. He had to keep beating away his father’s bloodline of just wanting to take. He wasn’t like his father, and she deserved to be courted, not be treated like his mother. He fought off a dark shudder of disgust as his mind went back to his wolf. Granted, she was also very pretty, and had stopped using her wolf form. Doe eyes and a cute, warm smile have had been greeting him for some time, now, and when it stopped, he panicked. Was she hurt? She wouldn’t just up and disappear, right? It wasn’t a dream, he knew that she was very real. Questions and thoughts had haunted him for about two days as he tried his best to follow her scent. Usually he wanted to mind his own business and not bother with traveling down into the heart of the forest, but he felt desperate.
Where was his little wolf? He tried asking the animals as well as other yokai, but they all ran in fear, leaving him no answers. He knew that she came from a very prominent clan, what if they found out about him? What if they had enough of her stubborn nature and just decide to finish her off? He felt a mix of panic and anger as he all but tried to follow her fading scent, internally promising a lifetime’s worth of hell on anybody who dared to lay a finger on her.        
   Her scent, although a little faded, was stronger at the shrine. Was she there? He knew that she wasn’t scared of him, nor would she hide from him. The sound of bells snapped him out of his thoughts as he ventured more closely to the shrine, peeping from behind it.
………………
   Your mother told you that you looked beautiful, but really, you didn’t care. Your parents were way too eager to hand you away, they didn’t bother to host a meeting with your future husband, no. Your father gathered a small party of his and your mother’s friends, a Shinto priest (that they’ll probably eat later), and the awaited guest, your betrothed. It was a small, Shinto wedding mixed in with other elements that your parents thought that the Tanuki, your betrothed, might like. You wore a traditional Shiro-Muku, symbolizing your purity, and had your hair tied into a bun with a beautiful hair piece. It wasn’t much, but your thoughts kept racing back to the possibility that you might just make a run for it.
Granted, you did try for the last two days, all but kicking and screaming, but your parents were more powerful, and although you were not weak, by any means, your shrine was surrounded by yokai who were at your parent’s bidding, and you yourself could not fight off every single one. If you could manage to get to the mountains, you knew that Tai would scare and keep every bad thing away from you. You had since accepted your feelings for him, and knew that he would protect you if not as a lover, then definitely as a friend.
Your heart was aching, and you knew that you were going to make a break for it at the wedding ceremony. Possibly tarnishing your parent’s reputation, and angering the Tanuki, but you found yourself just not caring. Your father didn’t even bother to knock on the paper walls, you could hear his footsteps coming your way.
“It’s time.” He said, and you got up to follow him outside. The hood of your wedding attire shielded you from the sun that you haven’t seen directly in a couple of days. You had to admit, the smell of fresh air was very enticing compared to the shrine’s settling dust and your parent’s scents.
Anxiety rose within you as you realized that this wasn’t a lucid dream, this was happening. You wished that your parents have had given you more time to process the knowledge that you were to be wedded away, to live in another forest with a husband and his yokai that you didn’t know, and you were going to be separated from everyone. A dark thought passed through you. If you were mistreated or hurt, your parents would never know, and if they did, they’d do the bare minimum for you.
Honestly? It pissed you off. You knew the only person who could ever care for you this much would probably tear down the whole forest, and he was probably searching for you this moment, if your doubts and fears kept telling you that he probably thought that you weren’t interested, anymore. It hurt, all the doubts and wondering if you’ll ever see him again clouding your emotions. You tried to focus on the small wedding. It was very thoughtful and beautiful. Your father’s friend, a Kitsune, lit small blue flames around, they floated around the small number of guests and your betrothed, who you now took notice of. He was giving a cheeky grin as your eyes met, and although you didn’t feel the same, you thought it would be polite to offer a weak smile in return.
As your father led you to the priest and the Tanuki, thoughts of running away kept running through your head. Just as you began to slip your hand out of your father’s strong grasp, a familiar scent hit you with almost full force. Your father stopped, as well, taking notice of the shift of atmosphere. Time didn’t seem to slow down as heavy footsteps cracked upon the branches, getting closer to the area as everybody froze in panic. You couldn’t help but feel elated, but also worried. His usual sandalwood and sweet vanilla scent, was now spiked with a darker edge to it, but you knew that it wasn’t aimed at you.
…………………
    His blood froze in shock as he realized what was behind the shrine. A wedding. Your wedding. No doubt that it was put together quickly. Before he had time to really take the information in, the doors of the shrine opened, and out you came, being led by your father. Although he admitted quietly to himself that the outfit fit you well, you looked so sad and had little bags underneath your eyes and his chest tightened at the realization. You didn’t want this. As if lost in your own thoughts, he noticed that you subconsciously begin to look around, for him no doubt. A dark, possessive anger hit him as he realized that your father was gripping you a little too tightly, and the Tanuki was eyeing you in a way that made his own blood boil. Without thinking, he acted.
All the wedding guests seemed to be frozen in fear as he stormed up to the area, the need to just take you away gripped him ever so strongly when the two of your eyes met. Your cold expression turned to that one laced with relief and guilt as if silently pleading him to just take you somewhere safe. Taking the silent hint, he smacked your father’s hands away. Coming out of his shock, he started yelling.
“Who in the hells do you think you are?” You father’s face was a beet red, as his eyes all but bugged out in anger. Huffing, the Oni growled out as he picked you up neatly into his arms as if you didn’t weigh but a feather, holding your shocked self closely to his chest.
“I’m her mate. Never bother her or us ever again.” He snapped, and before anybody could have time to process the fact that you were about to be willingly abducted, he bolted as he carried you safely back to his cave, or your new home. He knew that the yokai wouldn’t dare touch an Oni like him, even if he is a half-breed, he still carried the demonic blood of his ancestors. He liked to fight, he was use to it, but he wouldn’t hurt your family if he could help it. He kept sneaking glances at you, who in turn was blushing and glancing up at him owlishly. His heart-beat picked up at the small smile on your face and you looked so relieved, and he knew that he did the right thing.  
Your home wasn’t too far away from his cave, but there were twists and turns of trees and the old beaten path was starting to be covered up by growing shrubs. It was cool and dark, and he felt you shiver a little in his arms, and he hummed as he placed you gently onto the furs, covering you up a bit. A calm quiet enveloped the two of you as he held onto you, letting you soak up his warmth as he gently drew circles on your hands.
“I’ll get some firewood and heat us up, alright?” He broke the silence, and you nodded. Taking a last look at you, he left the cave as the disbelief in his own actions clouded his thoughts.
…………..
You were in the twilight zone. First, a surprise marriage, and then you let yourself willingly get abducted by Tai, who was very blunt about his feelings towards you, thus reciprocating your own feelings for him, and now your new home was here. Although relieved and feeling very, very safe, you were so tired from the swirling of chaotic emotions that rocked your normal stagnant world. The warmth of the fur skins and Tai’s heat that he gave you soothed your nerves as your world gently faded into black.
You awoke to a soft snoring and the crackling of fire licking at the wood that he had chopped. When you tried to move, you noticed that the searing warmth was from Tai himself as his arms were wrapped around you, hugging you close to his chest. You couldn’t help but wiggle a little, feeling a little too warm as he murmured something, cracking an eye open.
“Hey.” He said softly, eyes staring down at you with such a gentle emotion.
“Hello.” You answered back, and he gave a lofty chuckle.
“Didn’t mean to get too carried away, there. Couldn’t bear it, seein’ ya so sad...n’ other things.” He admitted calmly, yet his thundering heartbeat gave away his nervousness. You felt your emotions soften with warmth at the notion, looking up at him through your lashes.
“They kept me guarded in the shrine, because they knew what I was planning.” Your cheeks reddened as you continued, and he listened carefully. “I was going to run to you, if I’ve gotten the chance.”  
He looked at you with slight surprise, but the smile stretching across his face was there in an instant as his eyes twinkled with warmth.
“So, we’re married, now? Husband n’ wife?” He asked hopefully as he changed the subject. Such a jovial and excited feeling flooded through you as he mentioned the titles. Yes, wife, you were his wife. Although there wasn’t a ceremony binding you, the two of you were already emotionally bonded, and it was more than you could ask for. Nodding with enthusiasm, you looked at him fully.
“Yes...I’m your wife, and you’re my husband.” You tasted out the sentence, liking the way it rolled off of your tongue at the fact. At first he seemed to be frozen from mild shock, but then you gave a surprised whimper as he shuffled you closer to him, enveloping you in a heartfelt kiss. It felt so warm, and so right as he took his time in tasting you, running his tongue over the roof of your mouth, your molars, and then sucking gently on your own tongue. You let out a soft whine at the feeling, trying your best to reciprocate his actions as he gripped you a little more tightly, yet squeezing you gently as he let out a surprised grunt of approval as you couldn’t help but deepen the kiss, absentmindedly shifting your leg against his intimate area as he slowly broke away as a string of spittle connected your mouths.
     The both of you were breathing heavily, but you looked almost wrecked, and he didn’t even touch you more intimately, yet. Heat pooled between your legs and you bit off an embarrassed whine as you realized that he could probably scent your arousal. You looked at him, and he was returning your admiring gaze with such a burning fervor, you couldn’t help but kiss him again. He moaned a little in surprise, but then relaxed as he hummed with approval at your boldness.
Breaking away, he chuckled softly as he ran a hand down your back, tucking your chin up ever so gently to look at him.
“Ya know I’ve been wantin’ this for a while. Seein’ yer shy self just bloom up fer me, n’ leavin’ such soft touches will make a pent up man go crazy, Sweetheart.” He bravely admitted, liking the way although your face was probably burning up right now, you were looking up at him with such a hungry stare, he groaned as he couldn’t help but kiss you for the third time, liking the way that you were practically salivating at his suggestive thoughts.  After breaking away, you panted softly as you let the burning emotions flutter through you as you eyed him.
“I love you.” You admitted, leaving him to look down at you with the same killer softness that made you so warm and ticklish inside as he pulled you tighter into his chest.
“I love ya too, Darlin’.” He kissed your head endearingly as the two of you cuddled in silence, enjoying the intimacy. Although it was nice, you still had an unfamiliar itch to scratch, and you knew that he could probably scent out your arousal, but was waiting on you to say something, first. So you did.
“I’d like to consummate our marriage.” You admitted in a tone in which you almost didn’t recognize. He looked at you with very little surprise, and then he stared down at you with such a dark and needy fervor, it made you squirm with need.
“I know that there’s a chance that we’ll do it anyway, but do ya really know whatcha’re askin’ for?” He asked slowly, and you shook your head.
“I still have demon lineage, I’m constantly fightin’ myself from takin’ what I want. It was worse today, y’know? What if I was too late? What if ya were already gone, an’ I never saw ya again? It’s not yer fault, but I had to push down some very dark emotions today.” He explained slowly, making sure that you were well informed. You knew what he was talking about, but you wanted him to say it.
“What are you talking about, Tai?” You asked.
“I wanted to just take ya away somewhere safe, but at the same time, I wanted to just pin you down on the forest floor, n’ just…” He breathed in slowly, as if shamefully admitting this, yet the both of you knew that your heartbeat started to accelerate as his grip on you tightened a little, making you a beacon to the thoughts that were running through his mind. Even though the both of you got the hint on what he was talking about, his eyes burned through you with a dark lust as he dared to finish his sentence.
“...fuck you senseless. I hadda fight down those emotions, an’ they’re still pretty bad. We can try tonight, but I don’t know how or if I can handle them durin’ an intense and emotional time such as love-makin’.” He bit his lip as he quieted, looking at you with worrying, almost pleading expression that you wouldn’t judge. Heat crept upon your cheeks as you reached up and cupped his face, he felt himself relax underneath your gentle gaze as time seemed to stand still.
“I trust you. Besides, I don’t know if my parents will be foolish enough to try to take me away from behind your back, but I know that if I’m claimed, they won’t even bother.” You admitted truthfully, helping the both of you to just take the final leap of faith. He nodded in your hands, eyes burning bright.
“I’ll ask ya one last time, are ya sure? You’re playin’ with somethin’ dangerous, because I don’t think I can trust myself. I’ll do my best to never hurt ya, but still….are. Ya. Sure?” He drew out the words, making sure that you knew what you were getting in to. Honestly? You wanted him. You trusted him, and if he lets himself go, you wanted that part of him, too. You nodded, telling him verbally yes, and he delivered.
 He flipped you onto your back, hovering above you, and you couldn’t help out a low whine of approval. The crackling fire made his muscles and fat glisten with sweat as he stared down at you with such an intensity burning through his amber eyes, you thought that you could probably come undone just by the sight, alone.
…………………….
He knew just from your scent, that you’ve been aroused for quite some time, and honestly? It fed his ego a bit too much, especially how you stared up at him, practically drooling with want as your eyes unabashedly wandered all over him. It made him feel very, very wanted. He moved first, not taking too long to chuck off your wedding attire, pulling out the hairpiece as your hair fell gracefully around you. Not wanting you to be the only one, he stripped, as well, throwing his and your clothes away somewhere as the two of you drank each other in.
 He was feeling a little too warm, seeing you bared out for him, naked, flushed, and what really made his cock twitch, was that you were wet. Your face was red and you looked so shy and vulnerable, especially when you were seeing his cock, all heavy and swollen, he couldn’t help but feel a surge of protectiveness and need. He kissed you again, more slowly and sweetly, letting the roughness of his calloused hands rub against your skin, letting his thumb brush heavily against a nipple. He held in a gasp as you moaned into his mouth, accidentally brushing your other leg against his dick for the second time in your hazy pleasure, him feeling his pre-cum smear onto your hot skin.
Deepening the kiss, he let himself bite and suck at your lower lip, letting his tongue slide over the sting, as if in a quiet apology. You whined, hands were fisted into his hair now as you returned such favors, although a little too sloppily. He didn’t mind. In fact, he lowered his mouth, feeling the pulse of your throat hum with a surprised yelp as he chuckled, and then harshly sucked, making sure to leave bruises for everybody to see. He groaned as your fingers pulled his hair tighter towards you, and licked the reddening marks in apology, but he really wasn’t sorry, for you were all but chanting his name as in a trance with need.      
Taishiro pulled away, admired the sight, seeing how your body was glistening underneath the crackle of firelight, little sweat droplets rolled off of the peak of your breasts as they jiggled from your panting from another intense kiss. The image will forever be burned within his brain as you looked up at him from cloudy, hazy eyes and swollen lips from his biting and sucking.    
He felt a dark, possessive feeling crept up upon him. Although in control, he did try to warn you, he didn’t want to succumb to his darker desires, especially with you. You were so willing and wet, and blushing, he plunged down the dark thoughts as he lifted up your right leg. An embarrassed sound escaped you, but he chuckled as he started kissing and giving small, feather-like licks on the inside of your thigh and the back of your knee, enjoying the sharp, surprised, and excited gasps that came out of your lips. He wasn’t even close to starting, yet, and yet here you were, aroused scent heightening at the intimate suckles that he was now lavishing on the back of your thigh and leg. You were so cute.
Licking his thumb, he pressed it against your perked nipple, watching your face as he flicked the nub, seeing how much you liked and reveled with the physical attention. He knew that he was stalling from the main event, but he just really wanted to take his time with you, his newlywed wife. A thought passed his mind as he first brushed against your folds, causing you to jump at the slight contact. He probably needed to be gentle. He was so much bigger than your small form, and also...well...he knew that you weren’t experienced. Truthfully, he didn’t care, and loved you no matter what, but he knew that he had to be extra cautious. He never wanted to hurt you, and he knew that he was big.  
So he began rubbing your clitoris and entrance, making sure that your natural juices acted as lubricant to your sensitive, raw bud as he licked a stripe down your inner calve, relishing in the way you let out a pleased mewl. He chuckled.  
“You liked that, Sweetheart?” He murmured against your flushed skin. You nodded as he slipped in two fingers, scissoring them gently and slowly into the almost too tight heat as he eyed you, taking in your small reactions of pleasure mixed with discomfort.
“Actually, I think I want to taste ya.” He said aloud, not hesitating to spread your legs further apart as he bent down to the point in where your flushed, dripping sex was right in front of him. You moaned in surprise, legs automatically tightening around his head as he let out a soft groan as he flicked his tongue against your sopping entrance. Sweet and divine was what you tasted like, and he decided to open you up slowly with his fingers as he also tongue-fucked you.
Your whimpers were the sweetest as you writhed beneath him, legs trembling and hands gripped all too tightly in his hair as he hummed in pleasure at your secretions covering his mouth and chin as he delved three fingers and his fat tongue into almost too tight and warm heat. The sounds were lewd, especially when he couldn’t help but slurp and suck up your flowing arousal, enjoying the sheer intimacy between the two of you as you chirped out his name in warnings that you were about to come. He wanted you to, so he didn’t say anything as he continued his ministrations. He felt his cock twitch as he felt you tightened up around his fat fingers and wet muscle, and then spasm as you held onto him with your hands and legs as if he were a lifeline, calling out to him so sweetly and wanton, that he was afraid that he might cum right then and there.
Breaking away ruefully, he sat up, catching his breath as he stared at you, and his heart skipped a beat and if it were any possible, more blood rushed down south. You looked absolutely wrecked. Your eyes were clouded with tears as drool dribbled down your chin, face, chest, and everything else was flushed with a pretty red as your grip on him loosened as you came down from your orgasmic high, and as if a switch was flipped, he surged forward and kissed you rather roughly. You groaned with pleasure as he massaged your breasts, letting his rough hands palm over and rub at your nubs. His dick rubbed against your thighs, and your hips in return moved on their own accord, trying to reach for more as he bit and sucked at your throat and neck, leaving newer, red marks traveling downwards.  
He broke away, looking down at you with question.
“Are ya alright, Sweetling? Do ya wanna stop?” He didn’t recognize his own voice, raw and hoarse as he hoped to all layers of hells not that you were done, but he would never pressure you into anything that you didn’t want, and would always respect your choice.
“Taishiro, please continue.” Your own voice was even wrecked as you looked at him pleadingly and desperate to come again, and he couldn’t help but growl with almost feral approval that he did that to you.
“Alright, try to relax, okay, my pretty wife?” He found himself humming rather gently as he slicked his own pre-cum down his aching cock, smiling gently as your cheeks flushed with the endearment as you nodded. He kept himself from groaning from not only the friction, but from the sympathetic look that you were giving his dick, as if you wanted to lick it to make it feel better. Later, he thought. Definitely later.
He aligned himself to your entrance, intertwining his free hand with yours as he watched your expression carefully as your legs wrapped around his waist. He tried not to close his eyes as hot, tight heat started to surround him as you forced yourself to relax. He took small breaks, slowly kissing you as he moved inches further, speaking words of encouragement and endearment as you hummed softly in return, hand squeezing his. Finally, he was all the way inside you, letting his forehead rest against yours as he eyed your expression. You didn’t look like you were in pain, only in slight discomfort, but he asked anyway.
“How are you feelin’? Doin’ okay?” He grunted out. His expression softened as you rested a hand upon his cheek, kissing his forehead gently and he couldn’t help but hum with pleasantry at the sweet gesture.
“I’m wonderful. You’re wonderful. Please keep going?” You asked, and he grunted, refusing to refuse such a request. He kept an eye on you, feeling the unfamiliar heat envelope him as he rocked his hips ever so gently, feeling your walls squeeze him impossibly tight as the two of you watched each other’s expressions. He heard of stories. How inexperienced men could leave a woman unsatisfied. Granted he wasn’t too inexperienced, but it was his first time actually being within somebody, and it felt as if it were a sacred connection between the two of you, if he was being honest.
 He’d be damned if he came before you, leaving you unsatisfied, and his pride and ego wounded. He reached down, gently rubbing your clit as you gasped softly at the added friction as he continued the torturous pace. He wanted to buck into you wildly, lose all control as his mind screamed at him to just take what he wanted. He hushed his thoughts. He was taking what he wanted, as it was gifted to him by his lovely wife.
“So beautiful,” He admitted, watching you move your hips awkwardly trying to mimic his pace. Your walls tightened, and he let out a small, breathy laugh mixed with a grunt.  
“of course you’d be into that. My lovely, beautiful wife is taking me so well, hm?” He murmured lowly, as if almost afraid to break the intimacy.
“Taishiro...husband, Dear...please move faster.” You panted, trying to quicken your hips, and he tried not to falter. He trusted you in being sure that you wanted more, and so he obliged, trying to quicken his pace only a little bit, but found himself all but snapping his hips into you with fervor. He couldn’t find it within himself to apologize, for you let out such a beautiful sound as your head threw back, exposing your kissed throat as he felt you tighten even further, close to cumming. The sight fueled him as he couldn’t help but continue his almost punishing pace, one hand still intertwining with yours and the other’s fingers were soaked with pre-cum and your lubricant as it rubbed at your clit.
He sucked and licked at the column of your throat, asking you almost frantically to cum for him, kissing and biting.
“So fuckin’ tight. Such a perfect wife. Ya’re squeezin’ around me so beautifully. ‘M gonna carve my dick within ya. Ya’d like that, wouldn’t ya?” He couldn’t help but ramble, half aware of the things he was saying as you finally came around him a second time, and it was beautiful. You screamed his name as fresh tears coated your eyes with ecstasy, eyes squeezing shut as you spasmed uncontrollably around him, and his movements faltered, hips bucking wildly as he came in a large spurt, coating your raw insides as your name called out from his own mouth.
 He fell onto his side, pulling you close to him as the both of you were breathing heavily. Through the orgasmic bliss, he admired the way your breasts rose and fell to the motions of your panting. It took a spell, but the both of you looked weakly at each other, and he tilted your chin up and kissed you softly.
“Did I hurt ya?” He whispered hoarsely. You shook your head.
“No, you were perfect. That was perfect.” You answered back weakly with such warmth filling your eyes, you were practically glowing as you held a soft smile.
“I love you, dearest wife.” He kissed the corner of your mouth, and you melted.
“I love you, too, beloved husband.” You truthfully admitted, squeezing his hand.
He felt himself softened as he gently pulled out of you, grimacing a little as a little blood was mixed in with his seed as it leaked out of you. He looked at you, about to question if you were really alright, but your eyes were shut, and you began to snore softly. He kissed you again, getting up to get a wet cloth from the cave water to wipe you down gently. When he was done, he pulled your sleeping form tightly against him, kissing your forehead as sleep overtook him.  
……………
The morning after, you were a little sore, but you felt so damned happy, you were all over your husband and he relished in the attention that you knew he probably hardly got. He eventually made the both of you new clothes from deer skin, and the two of you packed and left to live in a human village, in your human disguises. Of course there were questions, but you and your husband lived peacefully, never really seeing or hearing from other yokai as the two of you loved each other dearly in domestic bliss.
……..
Whew this took me three days to write as I balanced between work and sleeping. I wanted to write it in Tai-chan’s perspective, and I’m not disappointed. I know there’s a lot of stuff missing, like further details on yokai and sending off wolves don’t have shrines, I don’t think, but it’s for plot. Self indulgent, really, but feel free to like or reblog <3
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hiimsociallyawkward · 3 years
Text
the darkest hour pt 2
i'm back with my bs. this is for my bestie @lady-ofmagic-andstars. basically, all of my dumb thoughts while i watched 'darkest hour pt 2', 04.02 of merlin. in case you weren't aware.. ✨spoilers✨
right off the bat i'm sad
ok when i first watched this i was really confused. i mean, you see others when they interact with the dorocha have that perpetual frost on their face right? all of them, every single one. so imagine my surprise when merlin has no frost on his face, and he's miserable yea- but he's not dead??
like tbh, watching this again, ik why but when i first watched this, i was SO confused.
arthur looks so worried slkdjfalskfsd
him being willing to abandon the mission to get merlin back to camelot to be treated 😔🤪😎🤤🤩 lots of emotions
LANCELOT. of course it's lancelot. santiago is perfect. actually.
merlin looks so SICKLY. it physically pains me to see him like that
okok hahaa. the scene where percival is carrying merlin. i have several notes on that.
1) ik it's supposed to be all 'noble' looking. yk? them walking in slow mo, percival carrying merlin like he's been slained in battle. knights looking knightly
ALL I CAN FOCUS ON IS THE LACK OF PROPER NECK SUPPORT FOR MERLIN. PLS TELL ME I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE.
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like pls
second note, idk why this remind me of hagrid carrying harry back
idk maybe that's just me but it feels oddly reminiscent
colin is SO pale my heart is actually hurting for him what the heck
asf;lsdjfa;lsdfj 'take me with you' stop.
dude they ACTUALLY care about each other. i just love them. arthur is so worried rn and while i'm like 'alsjfalsdj i don't want arthur to be sad and worried' we can see just how MUCH arthur cares about merlin.
like yea, we KNOW that they care about each other. but arthur is the prince and merlin's a servant so arthur can't have friends, but they're friends, and they care, and it makes me happy
ok it's sad and everything that merlin's basically dying but is it bad of me that i chuckle at merlin SLUMPED over on his horse?? probably.
but i mean, merlin is already raising himself up so he can sit more comfortably on the horse. ik that doesn't mean that he's in the clear yet, but he's doing a LOT better than the other people who ran into the dorocha. idk where i'm going with this
to quote the destiny and chicken podcast (who i love btw, if you want an awesome merlin podcast, check them out), they stay on arthur's face for SO long after merlin and lancelot leave.
i feel EVERYTHING that arthur is feeling in this moment. he's so pretty
there's another beautiful landscape. i'm not even sorry i'm gonna attach them ALL.
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tell me that's not gorgeous
LMAO WHAT IS GWAINE DOING IN THAT TREE.
gwaine is the EMBODIMENT of 'boys will be boys' when he sticks his hand into that tree and gets swarmed by bees.
he's adorable and i love him
ok but also, someone tell me why capes are so hot. someone TELL me.
separate from the episode but on the note of capes being hot, i want a cloak SO BADLY. like the whole gist. floor length, big hooded cloak. why?? it's not like i'm sneaking anywhere but still. ✨cloak✨
ok the line where leon goes 'if anyone can get merlin back to camelot, it's lancelot' and arthur's face?? idk what to make of it. someone help me pls.
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ok actually this probably isn't the best reaction shot but someone please help
the only thing i can think of is that arthur momentarily forgot and was reminded that merlin was in danger bc of him?
another thought is that he thinks he should take merlin back instead of lancelot?
ik for a fact you guys are better at analysising this stuff than i am so pls, thoughts?
i love lancelot so much. first time i watched this, i was CRUSHED
him carrying merlin to the lake(?) pond(?) area and then covering him with his cape? i love it
ok idk why but i love the idea of merlin instinctively going towards the water
it makes me think back to how he's made of magic and basically everywhere, espeically nature, has magic and instinctively- he wants to connect with nature as much as he can so his body just puts his hand in the water
a dumber thought i had, his hand is ✨sparkly✨in the water HAHAH
omg when the water called lancelot i deadass thought it was freya. i'm actually dumb i have WATCHED this before and i STILL thought it was freya
'a future that has been written since the dawn of time' makes me so proud but also so sad at the same time
it's like, yes, merlin is going to 'save the world' but it's like he's there just to do that. anyways, i just want him to be happy
MORE SPARKLY
these water spirts are op but also MORE SPARKLY. hehe i thin kthat's so funny
also, i'm literally only like 7 mins in. buckle yourself in
l;askdjflskdjf arthur going into the tunnels with the wilderons?? i miss merlin ouch. AND THE GAJA BERRIES. arthur misses merlin.
ok percival tackling gwaine?? cuties ;))
heheheeh gwaine kicking a skull and then running directly behind arthur for protection?? pls stop. i already love you
HAHA OK. THEM WEARING THE GAJA BERRIES ON THEIR FACE REMINDS ME OF THIS FACE MASK . THAT'S LITERALLY HOW I LOOK WITH THAT THIS FACE MASK ON HAHAA
yes im dumb, but the 5 of them slowly peeking over the rock and then ducking back down?? i love that so much they're so cute
omg what's wrong with me. not these knights literally FEARING their lives and me going 'they're so cute'
ANYWAYS
gwaine you absolute dumbass. smh merlin just took it but you just HAD to stab it. #cancelled
FRICK. YOU. AGRAVAINE.
YES. i have a love hate relationship with gaius, but BUST into the council room. king energy right there
smh gaius you pUSH over.
I LOVE GWEN RIGHT HERE
YES
FIGHT FOR WHAT IS RIGHT
DON'T LET ALL THOSE SMELLY OLD COUNCILMEN PUSH YOU AROUND
THIS IS ACTUALLY QUEEN SH!T RIGHT HERE EVERYONE ELSE CAN LEAVE
stfu agravaine 'gueniviere'. ST F UP
ok gwen. pop OFF
you KNOW that arthur would've fought agravaine on this. GO GWEN for speaking her mind
oh look at me with anotehr fic rec. sort of, not really. ok but this scene with gwen talking about all the villagers remind of this fic called To Love, Honor, and Piss Off by @thenerdyindividual .
ok so it's basically a fic where basically merlin and arthur have this 'arranged marriage' type thing for 3 years, and merlin is arthur's 'common consort'. what that means is that arthur marries merlin as a show of good faith and to learn more about what it means to be a commoner- merlin giving arthur the tea about commoner life
anywAYS. check that our if you want, but i loved it
stfu 'i feel the pain as much as you' agravaine. hop off my dick
YES. GWEN. PLANT THAT SEED OF DOUBT THAT AGRAVAINE MIGHT NOT BE ALL THAT HE SEEMS. i love gwen :,)
wow when she's intellegent with her speaking so everyone HAS to side with her but also respectful so NO ONE can get mad at her?? i stan. i ACTUALLY stan
santiago is so pretty
the PANIC in his voice. i stan.
HAHA AND MERLIN'S SNARKY 'SHH'
merlin is ready to GO. he's like, sorry for almost dying. that was ill advised of me.
i'm actually soft for any displays of friendship ever. what does that mean about me 💀 KIDDING. anyways..
i love the *swing* *duck* 'yea, not as quick as arthur
sa;kfs;akdfj lancelot insisting that merlin go back to camelot and merlin just nOt
LADS
stop rn. lancelot's face when merlin turns away. i am in pAin. I AM SO SAD OVER LANCELOT. PLS LANCELOT.
this isn't exactly, but morgana's paleness from here on out reminded me of merlin when he was literally DYING.
anyways, that's my note on that
like, yes- i get it- morgana is evil now. but idk should i feel bad for her? she looks so pale and ghasty and just :(
aksfhaskdjfas;ldf morgana
HAHA MORGANA IS SO EDGY IN THIS MOMENT. 'I'D RATHER DROWN IN MY OWN BLOOD THAN SEE THAT DAY' SO DRAMATIC. WHY IS SHE SO EMO/GOTH. LIKE IK I SHOULD BE SCARED FOR WHAT THAT MEANS BUT I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING
stfu don't kill gwen i'll KiLl you
agravaine literally needs to die
stop. i am literally SCREAMING when agravaine is asking gwen to meet him in his chambers. PLS. STOP. STOP STOP STOP. I NEED A WHISLTE. I BITE MY THUMB AT AGRAVAINE. HE NEEDS TO SACK THE HATEFUL MANSION. BETTER YET I'LL BURN HIS MANSION
again, someone tell me why capes are so hot. especially these red ones?? i'm in love with them.
ok see this guy?? he just died with the forst on his face. not merlin?? he started getting better. surly that should've tipped them off that merlin was different
merlin's little head quirk when he does magic. ALSFJASLDFJAS MERLIN. NO ONE SAID YOU WERE USELESS. AND IF THEY DID I WOULD BEAT. THEM. UP. GIVE ME ADDRESS RN.
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wow. seriously. i'm gonna attach all the pretty landscape pictures
morgana's like 'i'll cut a b!tch'. ok ik morgana's evil and everything, but morgana flinging that guard against the wall is bad ass
oh this is weird but gwen telling agravaine to 'show courage' but the whole room tinted green? ik this isn't harry potter or anything but idk i thought that was interesting. i'm not abt to go into if i think agravaine is a slytherin or what but still
STOP. GET. YOUR. HANDS. AWAY. FROM. HER. I ACTULALY HATE HIM. SHE'S SO UNCOMFORTABLE. BACK THE FRICK UP AGARAVINE.
morgana :( smh you can't deny that morgana and gwen carried for each other and morgana flinging gwen away is making me sad. don't touch me
asldjfasldasd 'you're never alone' elyan i love you
lancelot and merlins being lads. omg no them talking about gwen
lancelot is SO noble. stop this reminds me of Die for you in secret by @emrysofmagic so much right now. not gonna lie. your fic LITERALLY lives in my head rent free and sometimes i think of it and my heart just HURTS in those last few chapeters. PHYSICALLy. i am in pain. anyways.
stop the trope where it's like "i love them, but i just want them to be happy. it doesn't matter if they're with me or not. i just want them to be happy"
I WAS LITERALLY SCREECHING AS MERLIN WAS CALLING KILGHARRAH i'm not even capping
ok so it's been like a month ish since i've watched merlin bc i was waiting for @//f-f-podcast 's destiny and chicken podcast, so i don't exactly what terms kilgharrah and merlin are at right now
still i think it's very sweet of merlin to bow slightly when kilgharrah looks at him
'the bravest and most noble of them all' 🥺
aw. merlin is really saying good bye right now
ok this scene is weird bc like i said, i don't rlly remember how merlin and kilgharrah are right now but it still makes me sad
asldjfslakdjfasd merlin and kilgharrah are old friends now. that makes me happy but sad at the same time
ok the 'it will be an empty world without you, young warlock' kills me.
obviously, we know that even though they butt heads, kilgharrah and merlin both care about each other
not only is kilgharrah being forced to let merlin go right now, but he's making peace with the fact that he'll be alone
the last dragonlord is planning to die. and kilgharrah is going to be alone again, like he was in that cave.
another thing is that if merlin died rn then we would never have aithusia. i'm kinda going on a tangent now but idk this scene is sad
this forest is so pretty
literally just lancelot's face and lancelot in this whole episode.
that's my note
HAHA GWAINE BURNING IS SOCKS
LADS BEING LADS
I LOVE THEM
omg i always see posts about this.
like merlin and lancelot planned that lancelot was going to walk in first and trick them and THEN merlin walked in
that's so funny to me. they're SO dramatic HAHAH
merlin looks so happy
BRO
ARTHUR
JUST HUG
HIM
PLS
STO
P
JUST HUG HIM WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM
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Tell me why they actually look MARRIED here. PLS
🥲🥲 SELF SACRIFICING IDIOTS I LOVE YOU BOTH YOURE BREAKING MY HEART
LADS I LOVE THEM
🤠🤠 arthur wanting Gwen to be happy is KILLING ME. He loves her so much
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This is so pretty. Honestly like how
Who let merlin have this many pretty landscapes
HOENSTLY
Lajs;dlkfajd buds in a boat together.
This reminds me of going to amusement parks and there’s always that boat ride
They’re the cutest
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Ok so they also have this picture. It’s actually 3 pictures spliced together because the episode pans down and it’s really badly spliced (sorry) but LOOk how pretty that is.
WTF
Omg not me literally copying merlin with his slow mo head flick at the wyverns to make them go away
;sldkfjasdlkjasd leon percival and elyan and my heart.
Ok i’m not even gonna try to lie. They all have my heart
Frick you cailleah
Omg i was like ‘gwaine you dumbass’ jK i love him. Pls don’t come for my neck
Asldjfasldjfka ‘i’m prepared to pay whatever price is necessary’
HAHA CAN YOU NOT. WHAT IS WITH THIS CREEPY ‘COME HITHER’ HAND MOTION MS CAILLEAH
Stopp rn. ‘It’s my density
STOP. I AM HOWLING. LANCELOT
WHY
COME BACK
NO NONO PLS. YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME.
stop rn merlin is all alone.
PAN TO ARTHUR WHO IS LITERALLY SURROUNDED BY EVERYONE.
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Stop they all look so sad. I’m so sad.
merlin looks like he’s cried
I’m not sure abt arthur with his ‘no man is worth your tears’ type business but still
I am ✨sad✨
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I screamed at this picture. I am depressed
Anyways
Gwen’s face is killing me
I’m so sad i don’t even want to write commentaries
Arthur realizing that lancelot only died because he loved gwen
Gwen standing in front of the fire
Aslkdfjasldjfa im so sad
HER STANDING IN FRONT OF THE FIRE ALL ALONE.
I. AM. SO. SAD.
STFU THAT THRONE IS NOT “RIGHTFULLY” YOURS MORGANA
STOP PLS GET AWAY
WHAT IS WITH THIS WEIRD TENSION
PLS DO NOT STAND WITHIN KISSING DISTANCE
IK YOU’RE NOT TECHNICALLY BLOOD RELATED BUT STILL.
PLEASE.
STOP.
I HATE AGRAVAINE
✨we hate agravaine in this house✨
😭😭 not merlin having ANOTHER secret. I’m so sorry bby
Anyways! I’ll be back next week to rant more about the wicked day so I’ll see you then! thanks I love you bye
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advernia · 4 years
Text
around june of last year, i decided to revive my writing blog as one of the many potential stress-relief methods i could think of.... i didn’t think i’d be able to keep it active for long since work + family duties keep me preoccupied most of the time, but eyyy!!! so far i haven’t lost the motivation to keep going back to this blog, and i even managed to keep it afloat for half a year!!! amazing!!! (•̀o•́)ง
and now here we are halfway through 2020!!! it’s waaaay overdue but here’s a big T H A N K  Y O U  V E R Y  M U C H ! ! ! to everyone and anyone who dropped by this blog last year + all them likes, comments, reblogs...... please know that i’m still i n c r e d i b l y grateful for the support & interest in the content i’ve posted up!!!! tbh my activity’s still hella sporadic so it’s really amazing for me that i even gained new followers.... i’m very honored to have all of you stick around my blog despite my irregularity!!!!!!!! (༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ)
it’s also overdue, but i slowly managed and finally cleaned up the blog like i’ve been meaning to do + changed the blog name to match my ao3 handle for consistency!!! i make no promises to be super active... but i’m sure that i still want to continue writing & keep this blog alive!!!! 
again, thank you all for your time + reading my works!!!!!!  ∩( ´∀` )∩ work commentary on the rest of my works last year follows under the cut!
oct 1 // hero’s journey
a drabble on blanc + oliver about the alices... now that i think of it, calling the first alice first alice is kinda funny considering that alice is really her name... or is it? 
i do hope blanc’s route talks about her a bit, haha! i mean, i wish cybird remembers that they’ve been dropping the occasional background tidbits about her... like for example, her pocketwatch (that she gave to blanc eventually) having a magic crystal engraved into it.... her potentially leaving a fucking globe in the black army’s possession (like... wow... u fell with that thing????????)....
plus, i just find it interesting that she was remembered by cradle as a heck of a troublemaker lol! it also makes you wonder who among the main cast met her, blanc aside... though it’s not stated when exactly she fell into cradle, so maybe only blanc had the opportunity of meeting her...
so does blanc speak of her fondly bc she’s a woman, or is there something else??? has he been frequently visiting the land of reason pre-game??? has he found the first alice’s antique shop / met her again??? does he still try to figure out the reason why there’s a magic crystal engraved into the first alice’s pocketwatch????? hmmmmm......
on another note, it would be hilarious if cybird pulls a peter pan 2......... since we can’t pull off a mother-daughter relationship like wendy & jane’s, what if alice the second is somehow actually related to the first alice?? and while she’s completely different from her predecessor, blanc finds himself falling for alice the second........ just like he fell for the first alice? drama!
that’s just a random thought but kidding aside, i do hope blanc’s route is hella interesting bc i think he’s our mr. exposition for knowing more about cradle itself lol
oct 1 // fair (?) ladies & phony (?) enchanters
a result of going manic a few days after seeing harr’s trailer + route release.... ahaHAHA I’M STILL WILLING TO PLAY UR ROUTE IN JP HARR (if i actually had time to sit down and translate gET REKT)
i liked writing these drabbles and i think they’re cute but tbh they did nothing to ease my curiosity about harr’s route.... if anything else, it became even w o r s e  haha........................
if i think of blanc to have a cradle-centric route, i do hope harr’s route is magic tower-centric! naturally it will be since he’s got history there, but i hope a lot of my questions about the magic tower will be answered.....
will harr’s perspective of the magic tower be in the eyes of a test subject or a disciple???? he was scouted by the magic tower, but it wasn’t stated what he was doing exactly..... going by hints + loki’s & zero’s routes, it’s more of him being a disciple, so there’s bound to be guilt.......
hopefully alice’s characterization in his route is good + we get a fun group dynamic with loki!!! their potential.... the most(?) notorious criminal of cradle, a sought after test subject, and that one girl who nullifies all magic; a renegade trio lurking around the forbidden forest.... what an odd bunch!
oct 4 // god is a five minute hymn
a religious themed fic with lancelot & alice - tbh i don’t even know why religion was the first thing that came into mind when liz and i were talking about cultural differences, lol.
on that note though! i personally like thinking that if ever cradle had a semblance of a religion, it would be polytheistic & nature-centric, and not strictly practiced - the stratocracy of both territories i’d like to think makes it harder for religion to have a voice, much less have one that is practiced by the general population. the only thing general about it is that the religion centers or has magic crystals as an important factor... or something. yeah.
that aside, i think i specifically chose lancelot in this piece for the sole reason that his canonically stated lack of common sense, in my opinion, gives him the curiosity of a child sometimes - there’s no sense of malice or doubt, just the pure innocence of wanting to know something....... religion does that to kids, especially when introduced to it at first.
rereading the fic makes me think of the instances where when faced with dire or unsettling situations, people turn to faith as a life line.... well, i’m not sure if i had that subconsciously in mind when writing alice, but that does give a spin to it....
oct 6 // flow like the river nile
a spontaneous red army-centric fic! it certainly turned out better than i expected... i liked the formatting i used for this one!
if cybird can give us more about the pre-game suitors it would be great, tbh! and while the stuff about them in school is interesting, i’d like to see more about when they assumed their positions + combat scenes! the neutrals are special cases, but knowing more about their living conditions + daily lives is also a treat...
i was thinking of adding one last snippet about lancelot in the eyes of the reds, but i scrapped it out and switched it to alice & lancelot’s conversation about duty - it could’ve worked better if i stuck to using the what is your duty? question, but i scrapped it eventually too. ah well. it does look good enough as it is. 
oct 7 // seeking out phantoms
a mandatory(???) odd one out aka content that’s not ikerev, haha! i missed fe:a all of a sudden...
i never got around to writing properly for this fandom tho, what a shame - i’ve got some bits of pieces in my drafts that looked interesting and easy enough to pick up, and this was one of them.
robin investigating more of their plegian heritage could’ve been a good subplot tbh... i still wish there was something like a paralogue or dlc about it, bc honestly the valm arc goes a bit slow until you get to the future past revelations. ah well.
and gaius bc first husband for the win.... not like i actually had the guts to marry anyone else in my other save files lololol
nov 7 // push me off a bridge (to catch me as i fall)
my longest project of 2019, holy shit! i didn’t know i still had it in me to write something past 10k... i need more of that motivation + energy....
there’s nothing much to say about this since i blabbed about everything in the post-reading notes, but as much as i fought myself to get this done, i really enjoyed writing a long fic again! hopefully i can get myself to write another one this year...
nov 18 // beloved, beloved, let me be clear
18 sentences on zero & alice + macross frontier references! man, when i really got to the point about the earrings i was thinking of sheryl a lot....
kept it in sentences cause i didn’t have enough time to put up a decent ficlet! but i really wanted to get my screaming out of my system....... i used to do sentences + three word sentences challenges before, and doing one again was pretty fun!
but really.... zero’s route kept me happy for days???? their buildup + dynamic was something i was totally w e a k for, no joke..... thank gods the collection event was going on, bc i really made good use of my stocked chapter tickets lolol!
i was especially excited come the ball scene, and that cg..... a h a h a.... i need more of those pretty cgs where i can see alice’s face + costume change....... 
nov 20 // coloring inside the lines
jonah + alice + makeup!!!! tbh this was really fun, i enjoyed writing this one - if i remember, this was a fic that i managed to continuously work on the day i thought it up!
jonah may not be my best boy but tbh i find writing him very easy - i guess it’s because i’m very fond of characters like him!!! those uptight nobles who are as prideful as hell but can definitely live up to their name + are more capable than their bragging suggests... idk if there’s a general trope name for these doods, but i especially like analyzing their motivations + convictions!!!
i liked how i ended it, but i apparently i made an actual ending that’s now a snippet in my drafts - jonah & alice head to the ball, and somewhere along some bystanders’ flow of conversation someone drops a comment about jonah’s lips looking... quite more luscious than usual, lolol. so t h i r s t y. upon hearing this, alice can’t seem to stop smiling for some reason..... 
nov 27 // blue fields, verdant skies
a practice drabble set centric on a ray/alice development that i liked so much i made it into a series - plus, it’s black army content and honestly i need to write more of them! my red army bias is showing whoooooops
it’s a feudal + arranged marriage au, with the latter... being quite spontaneous. it’s those types of marriages where neither have even met - not even once - only to face each other come the wedding... so it’s a given that audiences from both parties are rather curious how this will turn out.
since i had the theme of fate in mind, ray was the automatic pick for the male lead. the rest of the black army is a given and for kicks, i added dean and dalim! i actually want to write about them + mousse, but since i’m still unsure on their characterizations i’ve been holding them off.... but i gave in anyway.....
alice is again named for word count convenience purposes since it’s in actual 100 words aka drabble form! i have planned scenes + an ending already in mind, but going there is pretty hard bc.... i still have to write the scenes in between + resist temptation to expand further on other scenes, haha....
initially i was planning to keep it updated here as well, but any more updates of this are on ao3 instead! the formatting looks better there instead of my blog tbh, and it also gives it a sort of muted tone to the story that works with me!
this is also the 31st fic in this blog, marking an end of the challenge liz bestowed to me lolol - since i brought this blog back to life around june, i was dared that by the end of the year, i should’ve posted more than 15 fics to add up to the initial 15 i had already posted before, thus the numbers on my fics back then.... now that i actually succeeded, i can stop counting lololol!!!! tho hopefully i can still be pretty active this year....
dec 22 // duck, duck, bullet
oliver & fenrir on guns... this probably wins as the most spontaneous idea i had on my head - tbh, i wasn’t even sure where i was going with it at first! but i’m sure i was suddenly thinking about that one detective conan movie.... then it became kid!oliver with a gun.....
i wonder if he tests the bullets at night, when he’s in adult form.... then again, kid!oliver with a gun still works.... say that because he’s a genius inventor, he made some models to serve as his shooting targets.... but another thought that amuses me more is.... blanc does the bullet testing for him!?
lololol i already thought about blanc being oliver’s live target, but i also find blanc with a gun very interesting.......... i mean, blanc certainly doesn’t look like he can fight, but who knows??? i mean, mousse is the former ace of hearts, but i still can’t imagine him fighting..... appearances can be deceiving....
the two aside, i wonder how fenrir even met oliver and got him working on his bullets........ was it through blanc or other connections???? how long have they been seller and buyer???? does anyone else commission anything from oliver?????? hmmmm.....
dec 23 // terms of surrender
i’ve been told by liz + luci + other friends that i needed to practice writing more.... cheesy fluff. i’m not sure if this sirius/alice piece counts, lol. in fact, i think it’s my definition of fluff i see here - and it translates to not exactly fluffy at all!
tho if you want me to be honest about it - when i write suitor/alice stuff, how alice was characterized in the suitor’s route is still my basis for how i’ll write her, and sirius’ alice................ haha......... i think she’s the alice that’s honestly easy to write but i choose to avoid.......... 
i don’t dislike the sirius/alice dynamic per se, tho. i do find it cute, especially if cybird stops emphasizing the issue of maturity in the relationship on alice’s side. i understand - i really do - that it’s a potential issue in the relationship, but...... that’s not the only problem you can possibly have as time passes, right?????
on another note, it’s funny that only sirius gets to be harped about the maturity due to age difference issue - setting aside blanc, who heavens know how old he is, lancelot’s 29 and since alice is presumed to be around ray + fenrir’s age, you could say that she’s 24 or even 23 to be safe.... so that makes a 5 / 6 years difference but it’s never brought up, lol. but i guess it’s because unlike lancelot, the black army’s been making sirius’ age a running gag....
anyway, this piece is pretty decent! i was thinking of something along the lines of mornings between a “married couple”.... there were two scenarios i had in mind, and i opted to write this one out first.... maybe i’ll have the second one posted up here another day.
dec 28 // a chain of black thrones
pre-game!sirius & ray and bc i was thinking a lot about the previous chosen, the former jack of spades!!! i wonder if the armies have a set age for retirement lolol... it would be awesome if there was still a chosen who’s already past his 50s or something, haha!
since sirius was constantly badgered to take on the role of king, i was also wondering about how long the black army was ‘king-less’... i mean, if the tension between both armies was really as great as they say, having no king puts the black army at a precarious position... i also thought that ‘nah, maybe there was a king or something but maybe the black army didn’t like him or something so they insisted that sirius take it instead’ but sirius’ 1st anniv. epilogue says otherwise - there really was a period that the black army had no king, wow. how the heck did they deal with that???? surely the red army saw this as a display of vulnerability....
can the black army’s chosen choose to leave their posts when they feel like it??? when they’re defeated by a challenger, what happens to them - a demotion, or do they serve under the ‘new’ chosen??? does the black army’s chosen change constantly because of their meritocracy + challenger system??? like, how do they deal with that, and do they announce their changes in chosen each council meeting??? each new question just snowballed my curiosity, whoops...
there were so many angles i thought of but i decided to settle for addressing the king-less state of the black army... through the eyes of a veteran who’s probably served many kings throughout his time of service as part of the black army’s chosen.
i gave this jack of spades character a name, actually - garret folner. maybe someday i’ll write him again, bc i actually enjoyed thinking about the present + past chosen interactions - maybe i’d think about that for the red army, but this time i find the black army’s side more interesting for this situation.
dec 29 // steadfast tin soldier
a zero/alice piece for zeroweek - i was about to post pt. 1 as a standalone, but then i just thought about how.... zero bought alice a gown.... but never got to dance with her at the day of the ball..... so i rushed to add pt. 2 haha!
with the addition of pt. 2 it looks cut short tho - i did think of putting a scene in between, but no good ideas came into mind bc i was too fascinated with the dancing scene... i swear at some point i will find myself writing a fic or a part of a fic that’s a dance scene for the rest of the ikerev suitors + alice....
this is the kind of fluff i live for, actually... i’m totally fine with the steamy content cybird throws during events + bonus stories, but if i were to be honest i say.... where’s my non-sexual intimacy????? the simple, wholesome stuff?????????????????
man, i feel hilarious for typing that out..... but well, i guess it’s a matter of different strokes for different folks, lol!
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yennefers-geralt · 7 years
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Do you still of Sansa as a Stark?
I like Sansa in the novels. I strongly dislike that creature on the show that’s being referred to as Sansa Stark. 
I’ll give a full explanation on my opinions on the character and standom below the cut, mostly bc this is something I’ve been thinking about lately.
When I first started watching the show, she was one of my first favorites with Dany and Cersei. I liked how different she was from the usual young period drama heroine. She was so much more realistic. 
Usually, with period dramas, you have a teenage girl whose basically a modern girl with modern opinions who somehow time traveled a century or three into the past. You know the anachronistic characters I’m referring to. The ones who are shocked to find out that their marriage will be ... wait for it ... arranged. They can’t believe that they, a teenager, won’t have any say in such a huge political decision. It never crossed their minds that this cultural norm would ever apply to them. They usually have several other anachronistic opinions and behaviors as well. 
This wasn’t so with Sansa. She seemed like a realistic young girl who was a product of her culture. She had flaws and opinions that modern readers wouldn’t agree with, but that made sense given the type of world she was raised in. When I finally got around to reading the novels after watching S2, I found an even better version of the character. I loved that she enamored with songs and stories and applied the ideals she found in them to her own life. I liked that she had even more views that made sense given her culture and upbringing that readers weren’t meant to agree with but that helped fully make Sansa a beautifully complicated and fully fleshed out character. Even now, when I read this character’s chapters, I really enjoy her and her POV.
The problem I have isn’t with the character of Sansa, it is with the standom. 
Back in the day, since I liked Sansa a lot, I followed a lot of Sansa fans and read a lot of Sansa fic. If I could go back in time, I would advise myself not to go near any of those individuals. If I hadn’t I wouldn’t have so much disdain for the character that I do. 
What I’m about to say isn’t going to apply to all of them, but it does apply to a good number of them. Now, while I enjoyed the complicated and flawed character that George R. R. Martin created, a number of my fellow fans did not. The character they liked had no flaws, only virtues, she had no impact on the plot yet was the most important character in the series, she was the most beautiful, brilliant character to ever exist, and she had never, ever don anything even remotely wrong in her entire life. In short, these stans had taken an exceptionally well-developed character, stripped her of all complexity, and turned her into their own personal self-insert who would rule the world with her non-canonical political savvy and her non-canonial pure heart.
What was worse, was the sexism and vitriol that was flung at any fictional character or, worse, any real person who didn’t treat Sansa with complete deference. This is still true. Anyone who sees a flaw in Sansa is called a Sansa hater and is accused of sexism (which is laughable given the inherent sexism in that standom, but I’ll get to that later). Seriously, just a few days ago, I pointed out that canon doesn’t support the idea that Sansa currently loves Arya. I stand by that. Canon does not support that. If anything, it supports the idea that she does not love her sister, which is fine. Sansa stans interpreted this as: 1. You hate Sansa! 2. You think Sansa’s a bitch! (?) 3. You think Sansa deserved what she got! (????) 4. You’re sexist! (Coming from you guys, that’s compliment ;)). 
Now, none of these conclusions that they drew have any connection to what I said or reality all together. But that’s just who they are. If someone doesn’t agree with them, they go bat-shit. And the ones who try to hide their crazy, they let their out and proud friends hurl personal attacks at people. I pointed this out during the last wank and the person backed completely off. She wanted her friend to personally attack me so she could keep her hands clean, but then freaked out when I called her out on supporting someone who attacks others. She thought that as long as she wasn’t the one doing the attacking, then she wouldn’t be implicated. She was wrong. That’s just how they roll, though. Sansa stans completely supported the crazed individual who stalked and harassed several people at once (and who’s probably reading this post right now ;)) because her behavior benefited them while allowing them to keep their hands clean of the worst of the horrific behavior. Quit like Littlefinger, if you think about it.
Now for the sexism. Oh, this standom is sexist as hell. They actively support the patriarchy and patriarchal ideals on what a woman should be. When they use the term “femininity” what they mean is “femininity as defined by men.” They treat this as the only right way to be a woman. If other characters don’t fit the patriarchal ideal, like Septa Mordane, they belittle them as stupid and manly. For some reason, they have also decided that these types of characters are misogynistic and being a fan of those characters will make a real person a misogynist. They completely ignore their own misogyny as well as Sansa’s internalized misogyny and her support of the patriarchy. What makes it even more amusing is that they will complain about sexism in the fandom. They aren’t always wrong about the sexism. But really, they should be cleaning up their own lawn before whining about the dude bros on youtube or making false accusations just because it’s easy to do so. 
So, in conclusion, it’s the fandom that made me dislike Sansa because 1. They stripped her of her complexity so that she could be their self-insert, 2. They attack anyone who doesn’t agree with their one-dimensional version of Sansa, 3. Many of them are sexist as all hell. 
When I re-read or relisten to the novels, I enjoy her again. 
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inadaze22 · 3 years
Note
Just one more sleep !! Aaaahhhhh I can't wait !!
Ok, now that I've flailed, I have a few questions about the whole marriage situation -:
1. Draco was betrothed to Daphne, but was Astoria never betrothed to anyone because of her illness ? What about Theo ? Did his father not have a contract in place for him ?
2. Have you told us about how Daphne and Dean happened ? Because if so I absolutely have no recollection and it would be another legitimate excuse for me to reread 😁😁
3. Were the Greengrasses financial position affected only because of the war, or were they affected due to continuous expenditure on Astoria ?
4. Did Astoria not have any plans of marrying anyone ? If Daphne had followed the contract and married Draco, would she have not married at all ? And would she have continued on with Theo, not giving him any type of commitment ?
5. How would've the penalty for breaking a contract be decided ? Because if the amount was so huge, and the Greengrasses were no strong financially, why would they agree to such an exorbitant amount, that the only way to pay would be to literally sell their other daughter ?
6. If Narcissa's aim was to merely associate with the Greengrasses to clean their name in society, and when that was unsuccessful and she did it herself, why didn't she move on to some other pureblood girl for Draco to fulfill his "duties" ? Why demand the penalty from the Greengrasses and later agree to a wedding with a sick bride, just to mistreat her later ?
7. It seems like it was ultimately Draco's choice to go forward with the marriage ? Had this been discussed privately prior to the offer ? Because Astoria couldn't have just suggested this option out of the blue, and not without discussing with Theo first.
8. I get that Draco just wanted to do his duty to his name, and didn't know any better, but why would he willingly put himself and 2 other people in misery because of his choice ? Or was he martyring himself because Astoria no longer wanted to be proded and experimented on, since he would've been the only husband who wouldn't have forced her, and because he sees Daphne as family ?
9. Why would Theo's "sins of the father" even matter to a financially unstable family ? Shouldn't they have wanted the last few years their sick daughter spent, to be happy ones, with the one she loved ?
10. When Theo tells Hermione "we honoured her vows" does he mean that he and Astoria honoured her marriage vows of fidelity ? But were they in contact with one another, and carried on being in an emotional relationship ? This could've spured Astoria to try to be genuine with Draco, and when she was unable to, she pretended, which he knew, and then she was ultimately feeling guilty.
So many many questions !!!
Lmaoooo. Okay some of this isn't answered in text. Just alluded to. If I went deep into all this it would be overwrought and the details of this actually don't always matter.
So I'll answer what I can.
Astoria is 18-19 when she marries Draco, a bit young for any kinda marriage contract, illness or not. Her life plans can be assumed but won't be discussed much. Note: Pansy is in her 20's when she's married.
As for Theo, Theo's dad was a bit busy serving Voldemort, then in prison, then dead. Sins of the father def applies. In canon, think about how ostracized the Malfoys were after Lucius was arrested. Also they would prob have bankrupted Theo to pay the ridiculous penalties for the broken contract...and likely would have STILL owed. It's also mentioned in 24 that Draco got a pass in society bc his family wasn't convicted, they were shaky but moves were made by Narcissa to recover the family's good name. Theo's father went to prison after the war.
I should mention that not all pureblood families arrange marriages, some are more liberal. Draco talks a little about how some pureblood families know everyone isn't pureblood (chapter 12) and Kingsley even discusses that The Malfoys, Greengrasses, and Parkinson's are on the traditional end of the spectrum in 18.
Daphne's story with Dean gets a mention in the fic. The Greengrass financial situation was due to Astoria, something I never went into because the assumption can be made that the kind of care she required and experiments and treatment is expensive. I mean in canon, wolfsbane is extremely expensive and ppl know the ingredients. Imagine treatment cost for a rare blood illness....
I also allow the implication to sit that marrying into the Malfoys family would be extremely lucrative. IS extremely lucrative, given how everyone is falling over themselves to get Draco's attention. I lean into the idea that the Malfoys are likely the wealthiest family in the wizarding world. Astoria would be taken care of with ease and her family would be better than great financially.
Any marriage contract with a family as rich as the Malfoys would be iron clad and stacked with penalties, not that it mattered, nobody would be stupid enough to violate the terms. Enter Daphne.
Also note how Hermione asks courtship questions in 24. All the society parties are just as public as the courtship process. Birth announcements, marriages, all that stuff is printed in the papers (early chapter Hermione mentions using an announcement to line her chicken coop).
Breaking a contract is also public news so imagine how bad that would be for the Malfoys who are recovering their reputation. This is just something that in hinted at but not detailed. To go into super detail would be unnecessary for the overall plot.
As far as how Draco comes to agree to marry Astoria in Daphne's place, it's mentioned but what was said is not discussed in detail as it's a private conversation. Really none of Hermione's business and kinda awkward. Tbh. But yes Astoria and Theo honored her marriage vows. It's not gone into but she cut communication with Theo to honor her marriage but each time she declined....when she decided to have Scorpius...and the closer she got to dying...
We have a bit to go and Hermione is just getting close to the point where Draco might tell her some of this stuff. So the important pieces will be told. The not so important pieces won't be.
Anywho. Bedtime.
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