When i die, I hope the blueprint of my soul stay behind that it doesn’t fall into abeyance nor stay as a work in progress in someone else’s hands…
In this life time, I traded it for a collection of long lost chances, and dreams that are brushed in passing
On a good day, I’m a hybrid of my family’s coping mechanisms..
On my worst.. i’m an abandoned painting a mixture of their insecurities Covered with the skin of a temptress
One that never feared speaking her mind yet, always ended up romanticized.
I carry the potential of growth with me wherever i go. A ladder I never bothered taking a single step on, favoring whatever stability i cultivated in my own bones
A hundred thousand words, six to seven hours wasted time; wasted love...
Ignorant, i saw all my chances hanging from the branches that grew from me.
thought they’re mine to harvest…
now I’m living in borrowed time, barely stable with one foot in this year While the other has gone ahead to the upcoming one…
so unlike me, to try and set roots…
I don’t really want to reflect, but if i have to guess then that’s just a reaction, a skill that I picked up to deal with all that i denied myself viciously until i broke and indulged taking no account of how alone i’ll feel carrying all that mess around to the next year
Disappointment ? I learned that it can look like every other feeling you know; if you were taught that you have the ability to be just another one of its definitions.
Growing up, my mother always told me: that the only thing she loves about being alive Is me…
I used to fear looking in the mirror, how ugly can love be ?
As ugly as wasted potential a voice answered me
The same voices that tried engraving in my mind that a woman must never be a disappointment
Yet I somehow am.
•••
•Quotes: Anaïs Nin/ Clementine von Radics/ Mahmoud Darwish/Clarice Lispector/ Anaïs Nin/Rainer Maria Rilke/Louisa May Alcott/Clarice Lispector/Susan Sontag
•Original context: Sinligh
•Art reference:
1. Detail from a painting by Alex Venezia. 2.Kleopatra Elin Danielson-Gambogi. 3. Detail from a painting by Nick Alm. 4. A Creation by Lisa Lach-Nielsen. 5. Overwhelmed by Valeria Duca. 6. Caído por Federico Ferro. 7. Fallen Angel by Chris Young.
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