#as I see how it can help

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[phleb0tomist]

tumblr users will have the most inaccessible, unreadable, low contrast, flashing carrd you can possibly imagine, with a dni full of insider acronyms with no translation and numerous link buttons labelled with cryptic captions, and then go ahead and put “ableists dni and kys!” on that carrd

#yeah i’m bitter about carrds becoming so hostile to disabled people #nobody with vision issues or photosensitivity or processing issues or epilepsy or memory issues could possibly read your carrd #small changes like proper colour contrast between background and text can make a world of difference in making your page accessible #even just spelling out the acronyms in your dni or mentioning WHERE a mysterious link will actually lead is so helpful #i see so many links that are just random literary quotes that turn out to lead to a mandatory dni. how would anyone know that?? #txt #accessibility #1000

[beybuniki]

best friend with social anxiety

#idk what prompted my brain to come up with this but bakugo finds deku cowering in the communal room and he just knows whats up #and he stays there and cracks some jokes until deku feels a bit better #because he actually does that in the manga i love how bakugo tries to help his peers u can literally see his brain fuming #and he always comes up with sth! #and he knows deku so well like he knew damn well deku said sth cringe and it has been haunting him the entire afternoon #anway #bnha #deku #midoriya izuku #bakugo katsuki #all might slippers yyeeeeeeeeeeeeesssss

[uncanny-tranny]

Basically, my philosophy around disability fakers is: I would rather a thousand people fake a disability than have one disabled person suffer without care, aids, compassion, or any help.

#disability #disability advocacy #and there's a difference not many people seem to recognize between faking and realizing you don't have [x] problem... #...such as realizing you don't have [x] disorder because it is instead [y] disorder... #...or you haven't completely understood your care needs/your symptoms/what helps you... #...and some people see ANY change in your understanding of your disability as proof of maliciously faking... #...when i suppose in my personal experience people don't *maliciously* fake disability... #...i'm not saying it could never happen but that i don't think it's the *only* thing motivating people called fakers #i just think (like most everything) this is complex and nuanced because it's a *human* experience #like for me personally i /know/ i still have a lot to learn about my disabilities... #...like... i realized recently that my hands shouldn't be in AGONY when warm water is ran over them when it's SLIGHTLY cold inside or out... #...and i realized that i likely have a Noticable limb difference that needs checking out. does this sound like i'm faking... #...or that maybe i just didn't really explore my own needs and body because of a variety of factors? #i can assure you it is because i haven't really thought before about how i deserved to understand how to best help myself

[inkskinned]

crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.

i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.

in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.

i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.

i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.

plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.

the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.

we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.

i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.

a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.

today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.

loved beyond thinking.

#spilled ink #writeblr #personal #please don't ask me to talk on my experience on the spectrum lol. i hate how ppl talk to me about it #i really try not to write so specifically about it #bc inevitably someone talks to me like im a child #i think this is the first time i've ever openly identified with it but i've been hinting for years #i might delete this. feels big. #the thing is that being on the spectrum actually IS a spectrum #and if u say ur autistic #inevitably someone makes an assumption about ur needs/symptoms #please do not treat me differently than u usually would. like.... we can tell when you do #and like i mention. i do appreciate the effort. i do truly appreciate the effort. #but it still feels like... #when i was blind. sometimes people kind of did the same-ish thing. #they'd find out i was blind and start talking really loudly? #and while i KNOW they're just trying to help. it would be like. i'd be trying to find #the right way into a building (sometimes only 1 door is unlocked and i couldn't see the signs posted about where to go) #and ppl would be like ''OH UR BLIND? YES SO THIS IS A DOOR. IT OPENS INTO THE BUILDING. IT IS LOCKED NOW." #''A DOOR CAN BE FOUND IN MANY LOCATIONS.'' #and it feels like. when i admit to being autistic #someone comes screeching into my life being like THIS IS A DOOR.

[chloesimaginationthings]

Wait hold is Mike...?

Drawing his siblings?

He never stops thinking about them,,

#ask reply #GOOD EYE BTW.. #Michael is a character defined by his grief #I can see so clearly Michael can’t help but draw his siblings #a way to remember them making sure he hasn’t forgotten how they look #if I think too hard about the Afton siblings I will sob #I’ve actually have had Michael lowkey draw his siblings a couple times #so this is a consistent things for him 💜

[fernsnailz]

cleaning out the files, sonic sketch edition

#i think the one thing i'll always admire about my art is my lack of consistency lol #my style depends on the emotion or the character or the scene i'm drawing. and i hope seeing how messy my process can be #helps other growing artists out there just get messy with their work. get those feelings out onto a page #fern's sketchbook #sth #not tagging all those characters lol #🦔🦇🤖

[crismakesstuff]

cast out of paradise

#please see my vision here #PLEASE #sorry for injecting my catholic trauma into the silly superhero show guys I can’t help it #the fallen angel #invincible #invincible show #invincible fanart #omni man #omniman #nolan grayson #mark grayson #debbie grayson #crismakesstuff #the original painting ‘the fallen angel’ is just SO HIM #the grief the despair and anger about his own choices #ITS NOLAN! #ok but if you guys let me ramble if I had to assign biblical roles to the graysons #i can see nolan as god himself (or lucifer but more so god tbh) debbie is mother mary and mark is jesus #the whole ‘lamb of god’ motif just fits mark wayyyy too well #also I saw someone make art of debbie and mark as ‘la pietà’ and I’ve been a changed person since #AGAIN SORRY FOR THROWING CATHOLIC IMAGERY AT THE SUPERHERO SHOW #this is how my brain wants to cope w it ig ;-; #catholic imagery

[crow-cap]

NO LONGER ACCEPTING REQUESTS as it is past the 28th!!

thank you to everyone who donated, and I’ll complete the requests that are currently pending but will not be taking any more.

hi! to help encourage donations, i’m offering drawings to anyone who donates or sends an e-sim to gaza. here is a tutorial on how on the gaza e-sims website and here is another one on tumblr. check the notes of this post for discount codes if you’re into that. i will be doing this until the 28th of february!

alternatively, you can donate to any one of these instead:

Pious Projects (twitter)

Help Gaza Children (proof of impact)

Care for Gaza (twitter)

Medical Aid for Palestinians (twitter)

Help Ahmed and his family evacuate (his account)

Help Mohamed and his family get medical help and evacuate (post)

Palestine Children's Relief Fund (twitter)

Anera (twitter)

Help a family of 13 evacuate

Urgent support for medical professionals

OR donate to any other legitimate fundraiser!

i am only accepting donations made from 10th feb onwards! send me a screenshot of your receipt with timestamps through DMs or email me at [email protected] (but cover your personal details), along with the character you would like. sending one or two reference images is also highly encouraged!

there’s no lower limit to donations that i’ll draw for! a dollar or two is still money, and every little bit helps. that said, I won’t be spending over 5 hours on any one drawing so that i don’t burn out. im going to try and do as many of these as i can, but if i am uncomfortable with your request i will refuse it (but that almost certainly won’t happen tho)

#crowcraft #i havent done requests in ages so I’m nervous! but I really really want to do what I can #not sure how to tag this properly but: #donations for gaza #Palestine #free palestine #gaza #donation commissions #esims for gaza #esims commissions #commissions open #requests #IM A SMALL BLOG PLS REBLOG THIS IF U WANNA. IT HELPS #I’ll queue this to reblog itself through the night so the americans see it. ok im going to bed #OH FANDOM TAGS FOR THE ART HERE. OOPS #cotl #cult of the lamb #wha #witch hat atelier #ocs #lmk #lego monkie kid

[simcardiac-arrested]

day 30 - videogame (undertale, fnaf, etc)

somebody get this man some chapstick

#(voice of a guy who’s desperately trying to not give in and watch the movie for the third time in a row) So how’s everyone doing #i haven’t drawn mike in like 5 months this is simply unacceptable. unsustainable #he could fix everything that’s wrong with the world #i have once again changed his design but it’s ok #but yeah as you can see i am very interested with the concept of mike adjusting to living in human society as a weird alive corpse thing #fuuuuckkk AUEJGHHHH i seriously do like movie mike so much i think he and game mike can live in peace and harmony #something so awful is happening to me and it’s past midnight i should NOT be allowed to think aboht my favorite characters #myart #cringetober 2023 #michael afton #mike schmidt #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #can anybody hear me. help. help. MICHAELLLL DONT LEAVE ME HERE UEHGH OUGH MICHAELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

[rosalie-starfall]

Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022)

#Michelle Yeoh #ke huy quan #jamie lee curtis #stephanie hsu #Everything Everywhere all at once #evelyn wang #Warmond Wang #This is my all time favorite movie #It is giving me so much strength during a very trying time in my life #Life is hard but the events that have led you to where you are today #don't have to dictate where you can go tomorrow #I wish I could help you see yourself the way I see you #I want to show you your strength #but you're in such a dark place I don't know how to make you see the light #my gifs #my edits #myedits #eeaao #eea@o #movie edits #movies : Multiverse #movies : comedy

[finsterwalds]

Thinking about better call saul if the action took place in france just because I wanted to see them in cunty robes lmao. More thoughts under the cut!

Obviously the action and the whole premise of bcs/brba wouldn't work in france (legal system aside, the whole cartel and walter white storyline would have to suffer major changes due to social security and the mexican cartel well. not existing here stricto sensu). But let's talk about the real Important Stuff : their names

I think Howard Hamlin would work well as Edouard Hamelin. He looses the cool HH initials yes, but it works really well as a genuine french name imo, and Howard/Edouard are pretty close phonetically

Chuck could still be called Charles without any realism issue, but he'd be nicknamed Charlie rather than Chuck because that's what a french person would go for... nicknames don't work the same, yeah

Kimberly Wexler and James McGill, I have no idea lmao. James when translated becomes Jacques, but it's such a boomerish uncool name that I cannot resolve myself to call my boy like that. It's also one generation too old. Jimmy being born in '60 could technically be called Jacques, but it'd be old-fashioned, as it's a name mostly given to the kids of the decade that came before him. McGill is an irish name, so something funny could be making Jimmy a breton with a funky last name like Gall/LeGall ? That's hilarious to me. But who knows.

Saul Goodman is a pun, so this is even harder for me to conceptualize. Saul's marketing would definitely not work in france at all, as no one would realistically hire a lawyer with a puny name and such chaotic displays (+ I think ads for legal démarchage are illegal mind you). However, let's have a crack at it. It would have to be a pun based off an expression similar to "it's all good man", or implying something positive and familiar... I need to think on that one.

#saul goodman #jimmy mcgill #howard hamlin #kim wexler #better call saul #bcs #breaking bad #brba #french au #my art #fanart #please help if you wanna participate to their naming...... im struggling as you can see #what i love about bcs is how deeply american it is but im just imagining this for fun lol. and also for the outfits #cause come on. any profession immediately becomes better with a Special Outfit involved #i should write about the robes too.... i have headcanons about the cast.... #so much to say!!!!

[arcanewebs]

amazing episode EASILY one of my most favorite battle episodes of all time. How Ever is it insane of me to wish it went Just a little bit worse than it did. for the plot

#needed more riz torment LOWKEY. IM JUST SAYING. PUTS HANDS UP #HE DIDNT HAVE TO SEE FIRSTHAND THE POSESSIONS? DIDNT GET ATTACKED BY BARON PERSONALLY? #i mean i love the way kristen and adaine had those clutch loves that saved riz while he was in jawbones room but STILL #and im also glad baron didnt die. HOWEVER #IDK. HELP. #i really hope its talked about more in the ap or next episode or something #can we hear the word aromantic said out loud PLS! PLS? #aro community is Unsure how to feel? #ann bangers #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #MOVES***** MOVES. MOVES. MOVES. I DONT HAVE AUTOCORRECT ON. FUCK I DIDNT CATCH IT EARLIER #yeah loves why not they all love each other it works i guess what tha hell

[sisaloofafump]

The Superman style studies had also culminated in a video! Very fun to showcase my favourite artists

#I kinda forget that I can share my work here as well #I have it super segregated of what type of content I post on tumblr insta and TikTok #but #I was surprised by how nice people were on the bagman video here #(better than the TikTok reception) #so I thought you'd maybe appreciate seeing the other too #especially those who helped me choose the next styles #dc comics #my art #superman #clark kent #art study

[moeblob]

So does he, Gallagher.

#honkai star rail #hsr blade #gallagher #i based this off of how many times i used funny soda man to help be a healer with his poppin soda pop in SU #and then blade constantly just being blade as usual #its normally him saying unnecessary to my actual healer but #i kept forgetting gallagher heals and i kept healing when i didnt even need to so TECHNICALLY yeah it was unnecessary #but the amount of times blade was the recipient...... #i cant use like most of my newer units in story bc i cant ascend or i run out of leveling mats so i just #get them and toss them into simulated universe for funsies cause i can match their levels better #so thats where i tossed gallagher and he is genuinely fun to play as ? like i love his punches and kicks to start the battle #funny soda man is funny (to me) and im really behind in plot still #but last time i tried to play it on my laptop and got a kickass cutscene my laptop lagged and i couldnt even see it RIP to me #so now that its like ... me trying to play it on desktop ? #i mostly get on desktop for comms and if i do much else i feel like im slacking off even if i would take a break anyway #one day i can play more story plot stuff and actually meet the funny guys #also in case you know me for Not Having Boys in HSR i need to point out #i did pull Gallagher however same 10 pull got a 4 star girl copy for someone i never use and she is at e4 now cool #and i didnt even think of the irony as i started this i just like drawing blade and i wanted to draw gallagher #so when i already had the dialogue planned and am drawing i was like OH WAIT haha im funnier than i thought #(no i am not but we can pretend)

[felsicveins]

"I'm okay John, I promise."

#trolls #trolls 3 #trolls band together #john dory #john dory trolls #floyd #floyd trolls #trolls floyd #brozone #dreamworks trolls #trolls jd #jd trolls #i wanted to draw all of the brothers hugging floyd . i still might #follow up to my sad ass blue bayou comic #but like we can imagine the distress that jd was in #having to perform what theyd never achieved before and after being so out if practice #the fact that he was there initially and then set out to gather his brothers to help free floyd #i can see how he might get stressed about that cause the stakes are very real now!!