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#as a former suicidal person
laas-yahnir · 9 months
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nothing like finding out another person in your graduating class died recently to give you a good kick in the mortality
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vamptastic · 7 months
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worst most evil thing in the world is when a morally gray character has a redemption arc foreshadowed for years and then they just pussy out of writing it and make up a New Guy. yeah no we're not going to talk about that tragic backstory we gave them or have them confront the repercussions of their actions or anything. now they're a New Guy who has zero unpleasant personality traits dont even worry about it.
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falloutbrainrot · 8 months
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i just think it’s really interesting how boone is set up as The NCR Companion (former NCR soldier + most supportive of the NCR route + will confront you and/or straight up leave if you gain too much NCR infamy) and then his actual dialogue, backstory and companion quest just beat you over the head with some of the most obvious pointed criticism of the NCR in the entire game
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frenchtwistresistance · 2 months
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Book by almost any other author: Too many characters, too much exposition, no discernible plot, switches POV a lot, long descriptions of weather, rambling existential monologues
Me: 🙄
Fannie Flagg book: Too many characters, too much exposition, no discernible plot, switches POV a lot, long descriptions of weather, rambling existential monologues
Me: 😍😘😍😘😍👍👍🫡👏
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andthebeanstalk · 1 year
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WHAT UP THE CONFLATION OF SUFFERING WITH LOVE IS EXTREMELY QUESTIONABLE
Tags on this post, by @saint-ambrosef and @mariposasmonarch, isolated here because they accidentally hit on EXACTLY what I think brought about my original line of thinking:
#of course christ dying wasn't “necessary” #but damn if it isnt the most visible and obvious way to show someone that you love them #a person snapping their fingers and giving you everything you wanted isn't nearly as impactful as that person willingly enduring personal #suffering in order to give it to you #thats what we mean when we say “christ died for us” #not because he strictly had to but because he wanted to show us just how far his love goes #we puny humans can know in our lowest moments that god incarnated himself to be brutally murdered #just to make his “i love you” absolutely clear #its not a guilt trip...it's reassurance in its purest form #<- YES #and if this isn’t the most beautiful and touching expression of True Love #the Selfless Love #Love which is Willing the Good for the other for no reason but just that
I disagree with this. All of it. I genuinely think that dying for someone is a shitty and stupid gift, especially when you didn't need to do it and it provides them with no tangible benefit. I think this is a dangerous and irresponsible thing to teach your children.
Martyrdom and suffering are not inherent expressions of love.
I believe in good for others for the sake of good, and kindness for the sake of kindness. But what always throws me for a loop is the Christian idea that suffering on its own is a form of good. I disagree. I disagree with my whole heart.
As a child, I was taught that the best thing I could be is Christlike. And I was Not Okay.
I lived my life ready to set myself on fire to prevent someone else from feeling a chill, and this impulse still follows me over a decade after I lost my faith. (There were other factors also, but religion played a big role in this attitude.)
It has been devastating to my health, nearly to the point of death on multiple occasions. The idea that the best and purest form of love is to suffer - It's gross. I think it's gross. I don't feel loved; I feel like if someone tortured themselves to death and then I was told to rejoice, for they did it all for me! And I'm like... oh. I didn't... ask for that?
I've lived my entire adult life without proper healthcare. I would argue that someone snapping their fingers and giving me everything I ever wanted would actually be a LOT better for me than if they suffered and died. Like, magnitudes better.
I believe that the purest form of love is to LIVE for another person.
I've done that. I do that. I've seen people suffer pain worse than death and still not die just because they loved me. And I felt loved not because they were suffering but because they were doing whatever it took to live by my side and to live in happiness.
Sacrifice is a part of love, but it is not inherently loving. It has to have a reason or it is just pure performative loss, which actually does feel like a guilt trip!
I just-- I've gotten a ton of completely different dogmatic answers today, but to me, these tags are what strikes at the heart of it all.
The idea that we need to place every single other living thing before ourselves even and perhaps especially to the point of self-destruction.
For an example, in the Catholic church, most of the Saints are martyrs! And they were taught to us like action heroes with superpowers and everything! My little sister with their childhood OCD collected cards of saints like they were Pokemon cards! Which is really cute until you consider that they were a compulsive child idolizing a pantheon of people whose defining trait was brutal self-sacrificial death. They were one of the most anxious children I've ever met.
For me, as an autistic kid, the idea that suffering was somehow inherently good helped me to endure a lot more extreme sensory pain than I otherwise would have. I was terribly proud of my ability to endure pain. But now as an adult with crippling cPTSD, I can't help but notice that none of those sacrifices I made actually helped anyone!
I don't personally believe that gods are real. But if I did, I think I'd be awfully angry at the Christian god for killing himself and having the nerve to say it was for me.
I've literally had a loved one who believed they were a burden offer to kill themselves for me. It was a heinous idea for a gift, and I told them so. They were terribly disappointed when I chose the other, much more difficult and beautiful option, which was to live for each other. Live and grow and love in the light. To plant gardens for each other and cook them into meals. To build and nurture and know. THAT is the most beautiful and sure form of love. I will accept no substitutes.
I hope someday someone shows you love in a way that feels more beautiful to you than crucifixion - literal or metaphysical. You deserve love that isn't defined by pain.
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chrisodonline · 1 year
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Speaking of sleeping, people are sleeping on the fact that it took a full team plus visitors from another one most of an ep to get to the house with the photos of all the agents, but G Callen got there all by himself.
I am also convinced, and you will never change my mind, that he was so hyperfocused and engaged with figuring things out, he couldn’t stop to respond to texts. Can relate.
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thequeenofsastiel · 1 year
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TW: Mentions of suicidal ideation
Came across a post about former loud roommate again, and I think I should really reread them anytime I start to feel stressed out. It's strange, but living with him was honestly one of the worst experiences of my life. His personality wasn't terrible, but the loudness ate away at my sanity, severely aggravating my misophonia. It got to the point that when he made the noises I hated, like snoring, and smacking when he ate, it felt like a literal blow to my body, and no amount of anxiety medication helped. I tried so very, very hard to live with it, but a combination of that and the fact that the house I lived in was filthy due to both its age and me being the only one who ever cleaned, which was a constant strain on my germaphobia, broke me. I wanted to commit suicide every day. It was a year and a half of lack of consistent sleep. And it was during the height of the pandemic, so I couldn't see any of my friends or go anywhere.
It feels so strange and melodramatic to think of it as being as actively traumatizing as my abusive childhood and the time I almost died, but it was. To this day anytime I hear snoring, or even see or hear the word, it strikes a chord in me and I'm right back there. It feels like my insides are curdling, and I'm being attacked.
This sounds so absurd and petty to me, given all the other horrible things I've experienced and know that others have experienced, but I don't know how to not feel this way. It was terrible, and it haunts me. Just being in this quiet place right now is more soothing than I can possibly adequately express.
Sorry for this, y'all, but I needed to get this out there. I feel better now.
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katmaatui · 2 years
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variantia · 2 years
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BELLUM.   ok but to be fair to Red Embrace Lo, there might be one person she could help and possibly get help from, at least in some small sense
and don’t laugh when I say this ...
Lazarus
sure, she registers as human to him and he’s pissed beyond belief about most of the rest of humanity, he doesn’t give two shits about them
but he’s also much less starstruck regarding Ash than everyone else is
he HATES them mainly because they took his place, they’re living what was supposed to be HIS better life
ok sure, he will talk to them if they ally with him and strike up that awful deal to let him keep murdering and eating vampires, and he’ll tell them his life story
but unless there’s some AU or some shit going on off-camera, he never actually gets THAT CLOSE to them, he still doesn’t care for them aside from a grudging respect
the man lives in the Goddamn sewer with half a face because he tried to blow his brains out and he only really thinks he’s a real person because he’s ‘damaged’ now
if Lo managed to find him, I genuinely don’t think he would kill her
he’s interested in eating vampires, not humans, and he would really only kill a human if he thought they were some kind of threat to him
and most humans aren’t, even if they tell other people, because who believes there’s actually a cannibal in the sewers who eats vampires which supposedly don’t exist ?   he’s pretty sure someone would be thrown in a loony bin if they tried to tell someone THAT story
he’d be a tough nut to crack actually getting him to change, especially because he would have a hell of a time rejoining society and doesn’t even really WANT to rejoin society ...
but I think he would tolerate Lo’s presence better than anyone else’s
and, for once, someone prefers having HER around to having ASH around
it’s kind of a hollow victory because he’d prefer almost anyone to Ash, but here’s someone who doesn’t really give a fuck about Ash, is pissed at Saoirse, and has no love for either Markus, Heath, or Randal
if he were going to build a real connection with anyone, it would absolutely be Lo.   he finds her maybe kind of sappy, maybe kind of desperate, maybe kind of lonely ... but infinitely more tolerable than anyone else he has the option to spend any significant length of time with.
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softceleste · 2 months
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thank you for responding to my previous ask. you eased my mind a lot because we evidently have similar feelings about this. i dropped a lot people last year but i’ll be honest that with everyone else it was easy. when it comes to her, it isn’t easy. it has been a decade for me too. the story in the screenshot you linked is what set me on this train of thought in the first place. i saw a screenshot of it for the first time last month and devastated doesn’t even begin to cover how i felt. it doesn’t help that i know how horrible the person the post was shared from is.
thank you for bringing up the point about the lack of support for trans people. i did notice that but i thought it was just in my head. i didn’t know about her interactions with vocal transphobes until just now and i’m deeply hurt about that fact. i am trans and knowing that there’s a very real possibility someone i loved and supported for so long believes that my existence is some sort of aberration is just.. i don’t think i can even bear to think about it right now
Of course, love! But yeah honestly I get it, like when you follow someone's career for so long, watching / giffing literally everything they're in - with how parasocial relationships are sometimes, it genuinely feels like having to say goodbye to a friend. Like... god I got into Kat like right after a near successful suicide attempt, and giffing her has brought so much joy to me in periods of my life when I was at my absolute lowest, and I think a part of me will always still be a bit grateful for that, you know? But yeah... yeah, no that IG story and noticing that trend I mentioned in my last post were personally outside my comfort zone and personal limits. And tbh I know she's really close to the guy who played a werewolf on a very popular children's show from the 2000s about wizards (...I'm trying to keep this out of celebs searches to avoid distressing their fans okay, I think everyone knows who I'm on about though, I hope) and he's always been an extremely vocal zionist, I unfollowed him years ago because of it - and he's not the only questionable friend, and I get a huge part of that is "Hollywood politics" but... I dunno, her taste in friends definitely is... not who'd I pick to associate with if you asked me to pick a list of people from Hollywood to associate with. And like looking at this as a person who's never really been able to have friends with people who's values misalign that much from mine I do find it hard to disassociate friends behaviors from someone, personally. I know a lot of people who are able to do that, it's just not a skill I personally possess, so knowing her friends politics does make me uneasy. That's just a personal limit, you know? It wasn't easy to drop her, and I've definitely had really weird emotions about it, so I get it. I'm sorry you're going through it too, anon
And yeah, like I don't know if she's still doing it because I don't follow her on Twitter anymore (I definitely hope she isn't - I'd love the news she stopped tbh) but she was liking/supporting the woman who wrote a certain set of children books very often, none of her explicitly transphobic tweets from what I saw personally, but I can't imagine that's it's possible to not know her political views by now. And she's like extremely close to a certain dc actor who also is the voice of a beloved Disney character from 2010, like "calls him whenever she has issues and needs advice" close we know is very transphonic and republican leaning in general, etc etc etc like... I obviously want to think/hope for the best because she's always been vocally supportive of gay rights, but there are a lot of terfs who are pro-gay rights and anti-trans ones so it was hard to not be like "oh I don't like this pattern" personally, you know? The most trans-positive thing I've seen (I had this linked to me by a fan of hers after posting that ask), is this tweet. But yeah, my personal experience was noticing that trend - I'd love to be wrong and just have missed stuff, but that's just my experience and I think as a trans person myself that I have a right to feel uncomfortable with the trend, that's all I'm saying.
But also another general reminder to everyone reading this - please don't send her fans anon hate, or any messages about this for that matter. Like seriously, I'm not cool with being mean to fans of people whatsoever, and I don't think anyone who follows her is a bad person or anything (like a lot of my friends still are kat fans and they're all great people). I know you didn't do it, but someone who saw my answer did, and if they also need to talk about their feelings right now (they must be intense if you're sending hate), my anon is open to them as well to hash them out productively (and I think my dms are too, but if they're not please lemme know and I can open them fast <3). Like I'm not making any hard accusations, I don't have any solid evidence, it's all just... observations, you know? Take everything I'm saying about her tonight as speculation based off my gut instincts and what I've personally witnessed (unless it's like a screenshot or a linked tweet) because that's literally what it is.
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mirakale · 3 months
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rewrote ending again!
#same ritual suicide on former best friends porch but with more Implications#also continued some motifs from earlier in the atory i completely forgot abt#oc tag#yeah so seyr goes a little nuts near the end#and by that i mean moreso than before#the inherent contradiction made by his lack of understanding of the nature of friendship/relationship is more apparent#abandonment issues and anger at being betrayed vs rational understanding that the best thing for mas rn is for seyr to be dead#vs inherent closeness of getting someone you have loved (or as close as possible) to kill you#also more fun times with weird and wacky ideas about human nature and change that are totally nor stolen from my father#also uh. seyr gets some logic lines tangled in the process#like 'the nature of a person is immutable' (though still erroneous) really doesnt translate to i am the root of all evil and i have infected#the one person that i believe is truly good (mas is not actually that good its just that seyr and the ppl he hangs out w are pretty corrupt#and also he has a big fat crush)#which he wont acknowledge bc other reasons but intimacy issues are not even anywhere in the scope of their problems rn#also misunderstandings galore#mas is like huh maybe i dont want to kill civillians and commit war crimes for a not very good living working for ppl who kinda hate me#and seyr is like ah yes you are now on your quest to become a saint and i would drag you down#buddy hes living in a cabin in the fictional equivalent of eastern russia get a grip
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cyanide-crepe · 11 months
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I don't know how to word it normally, but the Ah, Eto Bleh kinda bad guy is literally such a good fucking breed of a villain.
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I love my life right now. I wish I could pause it now! :-D im not a statistic! I fucking winnnnnnn!!!!
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homunculus-argument · 20 days
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Also when it comes to those "happiest countries in the world" studies, it's good to remember that different cultures have different definitions of what counts as "happiness". To some people, being "happy" as a general thing is interpreted as feeling happy most of the time, being thrilled and excited about things at the same rate and frequency as small children are. That's not usually realistic, so naturally a person who considers that as their definition of happiness is going to answer "no" when asked whether they're happy.
And to some, being happy with something is a neutral state, of having no complaints of the thing in question. Your car isn't flashy but it's functional so you say you're happy with your car. Your job isn't glamorous but you'd rather drive to work than into a tree, so you say you're happy with your job. Your life isn't fancy but there aren't any particularly distressing threats terrorising you every day, so you say you're happy with your life.
You can imagine the dissonance that happens when someone with that kind of a definition says "I just want to be happy", meaning that they would simply prefer a life that wouldn't involve as much emotional anguish and suicidal idelation as it currently does, and someone with the former type of definition of "happiness" tells them that it's simply unrealistic to expect to always be happy.
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hausofneptune · 3 months
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"sweet" takes / aspects and placements that deserve more love! | astro notes 004
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since i did that “spicy” takes post i wanted to also make a post in defense of the negative takes i hear about certain signs/placements and showing some love to the ones that i feel like don't get as much appreciation as they deserve! hope y'all enjoy! ♡
disclaimers | masterlist | ask
[content warning: abuse, addiction, self-harm/suicide. nothing detailed or explicit, just a warning for those who want to avoid these topics.]
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aquarius placements are not unemotional sociopaths and honestly this is such a goofy ass take. aquarius’ archetype literally centers around their need to advance society and wanting to help those around them as a means to do so. can their saturnian influence make them come off as cold in their approach sometimes? sure. but the whole “aquarius doesn’t have emotions and doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings” doesn’t make any type of sense considering the fact that aquarius craves connection with others in order to feel fulfilled
speaking of saturnian influence, y’all need to check up on your saturnian friends, especially if you’re below the age of 30. people tend to bring up how destructive and chaotic pluto is and the effect it can have on you if it’s tightly aspecting your personal planets, but i feel like people overlook the way that saturnian energy literally starts chipping away at you the moment you pop out the coochie. a lot of saturnians will consciously put too much on their plate because they don’t know how to function without overworking themselves, or, they’re distracting themselves from heavy emotions that they don’t want to feel. the idea of being alone with their thoughts is the most terrifying thing to them, and they would definitely benefit from having people around them that can slow them down and help them relax
to any parents (or people who work with children), please be gentle with your water sign babies. especially the scorpios and pisces. i feel like we don’t give children enough credit for how intelligent they actually are, and when it comes to water sign children i promise you, they know exactly what the fuck is going on. they know that you’re stressed out, they can recognize the energy in the room, and they’re internalizing all of your emotions and can be more prone to feeling overstimulated because of it. be patient with them, and as a former water sign baby myself, give them a hug for me <3
and since we’re giving out hugs, i gotta give a virtual one to my pisces and virgo placements. pisces and virgo are both signs of service, and typically opt to suffer in silence for the sake of those around them. i feel like pisces is the “worst” of the two, as pisces struggles with boundaries, and even when we’re being mistreated or abused by others we can literally convince ourselves that that’s actually not the case and that everything’s fine. pisces is also the only water sign that doesn’t have “armor” (cancer [the crab] has its shell, and scorpio [the scorpion] has its exoskeleton, claws, and stinger), which results in us getting hurt a lot. it’s typically why some pisces placements are prone to escapist tendencies, addiction, self-harm, and suicidal ideation. but pisces is the oldest of the zodiac, and there’s so much wisdom and spiritual knowledge that we unlock once we grow and evolve enough to “swim away” from the shit that doesn’t serve us
and i bring this up because i feel like pisces is constantly coded as “delusional” or “hyper-emotional”, and i know y’all love pointing out how “judgemental” and “nitpicky” virgo is. and while those stereotypes can be true depending on the person, i feel like the amount of energy pisces and virgo put into helping other people is constantly overshadowed by whatever “flaws” they may have. there was a tweet i read that said “maybe the final stage in your healing journey is finally telling people to fuck off”, that’s very much so the advice i’d give to pisces and virgo. your worth is not intrinsically linked to how much pain you can withstand or how much abuse you can tolerate from people who claim to love you. you deserve so much more and i promise there’s something bigger and better waiting for you on the other side of what it is that you’re currently settling for
i feel like the importance of 12H, neptune, water sign placements can often get overlooked in comparison to more practical, “realistic” planetary/sign placements. it’s definitely important to have balanced, grounded energy in your chart alongside these types of placements, but i feel like people underestimate how powerful it is to have spiritual and creative placements as well. and while these can be difficult aspects to master, i feel like once you do get to a point where you’ve done the work it can not only make you an incredible artist, but an extremely compassionate, empathetic healer. people with these placements tend to go through a lot, and experience an insane amount of turmoil. but no matter how tired you are, and no matter how misunderstood or lost you may feel, you’re here to serve a greater purpose and your craft is sacred. you have tools at your disposal that it takes people years upon years to develop, and it’s not something that should be taken for granted
i'll most likely end up doing a part two to this, but that's all i've got for now. as always, if anyone has any of the placements/aspects mentioned in this post i'd love to hear how they manifest in your life, and if you have any input in general feel free to let me know!
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