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not-enough-teeth-and-treasures · 3 years

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An Autistic’s Perspective on Tears of Themis’ Representation (spoiler alert: it’s bad)

Before you read, I should warn you that there will be spoilers for Chapter Five! Read at your own risk. Also, trigger warning for discussions of ableism and harmful disablility stereotypes. I get pretty heated as well, so if you’re not a fan of swearing and stuff, then it might be best to skip this.

So, I was debating whether or not I wanted to talk about this, mostly because this game doesn’t do anything new in regards to the perception of autism in media. Unfortunately, it ends up leaning into a lot of not great tropes and goes into “what the fuck that’s incredibly offensive territory” waaay to quickly. So here I am.

The most prevelant character with autism (or who we start out thinking has autism. Don’t worry, I’ll get to that) is a small, supergenius child (a boy as well *sigh*) is so overdone at this point that there aren’t many new criticisms I can say. The stereotype of autism presented in media is overwhelmingly extremely intelligent (usually with sciency or math based interests) men with no ability to socialize or be kind to others. This not only paints autism as a disability that effects men primarily (which creates intense stigma around AFAB autistic people and makes it harder for us to get diagnosed or believed), but also creates this expectation of greatness. Autistic people are often held to superhuman standards, which further others and dehumanizes us in the eyes of allistic people. The vast majority of autistic people are not savants, and that it perfectly fine.

But all of this is pretty standard. The red flags started popping up when it was revealed that the autistic kid, Hugh, doesn’t actually have autism and is faking it in order to keep people from asking hard questions about him or trying to pry into his life (which is full of secrets). I’m definitely not a fan of perpetuating the idea that people fake diabilities in order to manipulate people, so this plot twist was not my favorite. However, it wasn’t really enough to inspire me to write a whole ass essay about the representation. And then I got to the fucking text conversation with Vyn.

Here is where I’m gonna put a trigger warning for talk about eugenics, curing autism, ableism, and basically just a fuck ton of awful shit. Fuck, this makes me so mad.

So, I went in and took screenshots of both options just to see, and all of them lead to terrible bullshit. Lets start out pretty light with the MC and Vyn discussing symptoms.

This is a pretty limited and honestly incomplete explanation of autistic behaviors. These can definitely be symptoms, but they’re heavily overcovered and really basic. A lot of autistic people don’t have these symptoms, and it would be really nice if more media branched out and covered more of the spectrum. However, considering they don’t do anything different in any other areas, I’m not surprised.

Also not a fan of Vyn’s use of “abnormal.” It has some very negative connotations and is a bit insulting, honestly. These behaviors are perfectly “normal;” they’re just not as accepted by neurotypical people. Plus, no behaviors can really be labeled as normal because humans are complex and different.

That was the easy shit. Let’s get into the truly awful garbage.

This is treading into ABA territory here. For those of you who are unaware, ABA is pushed as the best autistic therapy, but a large majority of autistic adults consider it to be abusive and unhelpful. This is mainly because it seeks to “correct” many behaviors that are helpful for autistic people. It seeks to surpress stims (which are behaviors that improve the mental health of autistic children), force us to talk (as opposed to letting us use sign language and technology), and more. This harms our mental health and makes us ashamed of who we are. These behaviors do not need to be “corrected.” We don’t need to act “normally.” All this therapy does is make us more palitable for neurotypical people, and it’s bullshit.

It also doesn’t help that ABA was pioneered by Ivar Lovaas, a man who did not believe autistic people were human. He developed ABA as a way to “build a person” using harsh punishments such as withholding affection and ELECTRIC SHOCKS. If you think this is a think of the past, you’d be wrong. Electric shocks are still being used to harm disabled people. Look up the hashtag #StopTheShock to learn more and help push for legislation that bans this practice.

Oh, and did I mention Ivar Lovaas also inspired gay conversion therapy? Because he did! So yeah, fuck ABA and fuck Vyn for performing it (god damn it, Vyn, I liked you a lot).

And now, onto the eugenics. Fuck my life.

FUCK! THIS! BULLSHIT!

I am so tired of autism being treated as this horrific disease that needs a cure. I had a perfectly fine childhood. Yes, it was hard at times, yes I got traumatized, but a large part of that was due to ableism and abuse from teachers and peers. A large reason why autistic people suffer is because the world is not built for us, and we are often denied accommodations that would make our lives better.

It is beyond offensive and disgusting to suggest that we would be better off not existing than “suffering so much” because of autism. Because that is what this game and everyone else who thinks there should be a cure is suggesting. There is no me without autism. it literally affects my brain structure. You are wishing for a completely different person when you tell me that autism should be cured.

Now, I’m not going to get into the horrible consent issues that arise from talks about a cure, including genetic editing, fear mongering to parents so they think abortion is the only option, and straight up Nazi style eugenics. I do not have the spoons to delve into that exhausting discussion. But if you want to know more, then there are so many incredible autistic people who have written blogs, Twitter threads, and more about why a cure is a terrible idea.

Oh, and if you’re going to come at me with the “severely autistic people should be cured” bullshit, don’t bother. There is no such thing as “severe” autism, first of all, and second, non verbal autistic people (which are who people think of when they talk about “severe” autism), largely don’t want a cure. There have been so many surveys of tens of thousands of autistic people, and the result is that the overwhelming majority do not want to be cured. We want support and proper accommodations. Listen to us.

So, in conclusion, fuck this text conversation and it’s ableist and offensive bullshit. I really wish ToT had stayed away from autism, or at the very least did not touch on therapy or a possible cure. For a game that is about genetic experimentation on children and how bad that is, it sure peddles a lot of eugenics.

Fuck, this text conversation actually made me ill and I hate that. I’m so done with constantly trying to prove to the world that I am a human being who deserves to exist. I’m gonna go cuddle my service dog now.

#tears of themis #vyn richter #autism #autistic perspective #autism representation #seriously can we stop treating my disability like a disease? Is that so fucking hard?#i don't need a cure #i deserve to exist #aba is abuse #autistic people deserve to exist #hugh tears of themis #tot #tot vyn #god damn it vyn I simped for you

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girlactionfigure · 3 years

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There's something I need to get off my chest.

I'm an Ultra-Orthodox, Chassidic, Hareidi Jew. I live in Jerusalem, in an area that is exclusively Ultra-Orthodox Hareidi for street after street, suburb after suburb, for miles and miles. In all of these neighborhoods where the roads are blocked off and no cars drive on Shabbos, each black-hat-wearing family has many many children and literally no TV’s. I personally only ever wear black and white clothes, my wife only dresses in Chassidic levels of tznius (modesty), and my boys and girls all attend mainstream Hareidi Chassidic schools where the main language is Yiddish. My kids don’t and never will have smartphones, nor have they ever been on the internet at all. Period. They don’t know what social media is and they’ve never seen a movie — not even Disney animation.

Having lived exclusively immersed in this culture for the last 21 years, I think I'm sufficiently qualified and well-researched enough to state that the consistent depiction of Hareidim and Torah Judaism by mainstream media, from Netflix to the daily news, is somewhere between delusion, slander and the literal equivalent of racism. If you consider yourself less closed-minded than how you imagine we Hareidim to be, then permit me to share a few personal details about my family, and other families in our neighborhood, to see how well your mental narrative matches up to reality:

- Besides learning Torah each day, most of the men in our neighborhood work full or part-time.

- Many women in our area work. Some even manage their own business or company. These are not special or “liberated” women — it’s so normal here it’s not even a discussion point.

- My wife is a full-time mother by choice, who despite attending an Ivy League College, finds it a profound and meaningful thing to dedicate her life to. If she didn’t, she’d go get a job. Mind you, she also attends Torah classes each week, works out with both a female fitness coach (who’s gay) and a frum Pilates instructor, writes and edits articles for a couple global websites and magazines, and personally mentors a number of women. None of this is seen as unusual.

- Kids in our community go to Torah schools where they learn (surprise!) Torah. They are fluent in three languages from a young age and the boys even read and understand a fourth (Aramaic). All the kids learn grammar, math and science. Weekly after-school activities have included music (violin, drums, piano), Tae Kwon Do, swimming, art, woodworking and robotics. The girls' school teaches tools of emotional intelligence. The principal of the boys' school doesn't hesitate to refer to kids to OT if needed. I practice meditation with my children multiple times each week. None of our kids think the world is literally 6,000 years old. They devour books about science and think it’s cool. They know dinosaurs existed and don’t find that existentially threatening. They have a telescope with which they love to watch the stars.

- The women in my family (like the men) only dress modestly according to Hareidi standards. The girls don't find this burdensome or oppressive. Period. They aren't taught that beauty is bad. They're certainly not taught to hate their bodies, God forbid. Each morning when they get dressed, they are as happily into their own fashion and looking pretty as any secular girl is. They just have a different sense of fashion than secular culture dictates. (Unfortunately for me, it's no cheaper.)

- The local Hareidi rabbis we receive guidance from are deep, warm, sensitive, supportive and emotionally intelligent. If they weren’t, we wouldn’t go to them.

- My boys assume they will grow up to learn Torah, as much as they want to, and then when they’re ready, get a good job or learn a profession to support whatever lifestyle they choose. My girls assume they’ll be wives and mothers (which they can’t wait for) but they're also warmly encouraged to train in whatever other profession they desire. (My 9-year-old daughter, chatting with her friend in the living room, just commented, "I want to be a mother and a teacher and an artist." Her friend replied, "I'm going to be a ballet teacher.") All options are on the table, and their future seems bright.

- We love living in modern Israel, feel proud and blessed to be here, and frequently count and celebrate its blessings. Everyone in my area votes. Sometimes not even for Hareidi parties. I pay taxes. (And they’re expensive!)

- As a Hareidi person, I’m glad we have Hareidi representation in the government — though I don’t always love or approve of how the Hareidi politicians act, or what they choose to represent. For the record, I'm equally dubious about secular politicians, as well.

- While I don't spend much time in Tel Aviv, I do have a few close Hareidi entrepreneur friends who have founded high-tech start-ups there, and are — Boruch Hashem! — doing very well.

- We don’t hate all non-religious people. Our kids don’t throw stones at passing cars on Shabbos. I doubt they even know anyone who would do that or think that it’s ok. We frequently talk about the Torah value of caring for and being compassionate towards everyone. As a family, we proactively try to find ways to judge others favorably (even those people who throw stones at passing cars on Shabbos.)

- We invite all manner of religious and secular Jews to join our Shabbos meals each week and the kids are open, happy, and confident to welcome everyone. (No, we're not Chabad.) One of the many reasons for having such guests at our table is to teach the kids this lesson.

- While we would technically be classified as right-wing and we don’t at all buy the modern “Palestinian” narrative, we certainly don’t hate all Arabs, nor do we have any desire to expel them all from the land. We warmly welcome anyone seeking to dwell here with us in peace and we are pained and saddened to see the suffering and loss of lives of all innocent Arab families and children — as would any decent human being.

- Of the few local families I know whose kids no longer identify as religious, none at all chose to disown their kids. The very thought, in such lovingly family-dedicated communities, is hard to imagine. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I'm just saying it's not as common as it's made out. Rather, these families have tirelessly, profoundly, compassionately committed to maintaining any connection with their children, and to emphasize that, no matter what, family is the most important thing. Because it is.

- We aren't just living our life blindly, dogmatically following empty religious rules; rather, we are frequently engaged with, exploring and discussing Torah's richness, depth and meaning. Our kids honestly love learning Torah, praying and doing mitzvos. They’re visibly excited about Shabbos and festivals. This lifestyle is in no way oppressive or burdensome for them. If you suggested to them it was, they’d laugh and think you were crazy.

- We Hareidim are normal people: we laugh, we cry, we buy too much Ikea furniture, and we struggle with all of life's daily ups and downs, just like the rest of you. Some of our communities are more healthy and balanced, some are less so; some of our people are warmer, nicer and more open, some are more closed, dogmatic and judgmental; some of our leaders are noble and upstanding, and some are quite frankly idiots…JUST LIKE ANY SECULAR NEIGHBORHOOD IN THE WORLD TOO. But having grown up living a secular lifestyle myself, and today being Hareidi-by-choice, I can testify that in these communities there is generally a greater and more tangible sense of well-being, warmth, tranquility, connection and meaning. We love and feel blessed to be living this life and wouldn’t want any other.

If this description of Hareidi life is hard to swallow, be careful not to push back with the often-used defenses like: "Well, you're just an exception to the rule...", "You're just American Hareidim", "You're baalei teshuvah", "Well, I know a bunch of Haredim that aren't like that at all"....because the truth is, while there might be many Hareidim who aren't like what I described above, it's still an accurate description of literally hundreds of thousands of Hareidim in Israel and the US — a decent portion of all Hareidim in the world. Which is my very point — how come you never see this significant Hareidi demographic represented in the media, television series, or the news? How come we mostly see the darkest and most problematic cliches instead?

And finally, if all the facts I've listed above about our communities are hard for you to accept as true, then perhaps the image you have in your head about Hareidim is less based on facts and reality and more based on stereotypes, fear, hate, and discrimination — like any other form of prejudice in the world.

Care to prove me wrong? Well, you're welcome to come argue it out with me and my family at our Shabbos table on Friday night. It would be a joy and honor to have you.

Doniel Katz

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runephoenix6769 · 3 years

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“What is with the Blake / Yang hate this week? Folks seem particularly fired up.” I asked this question on a forum because of something I’ve noticed the last few days on discussions about Blake and Yang/Bumbleby/shipping in general. I keep seeing the same answers. “It ruins the team’s dynamic.”

Welp, I’m pretty certain none of those people would say that Raven/Tai and Tai/Summer ruined the team’s dynamic. Or that Ren and Nora are currently ruining the team’s dynamic. What is this holy than thou crusading to protect the sanctity of the team dynamic? Rwby has always been first and foremost about interpersonal relationships. It’s what drives the actual plot. Character growth, failing relationships/friendships. How they change over time, either to grow or crumble.

“It’s being shoehorned in, for fanwank.” How? How is it being shoehorned in? Give me a narrative breakdown as to where/how/when this occurs? Compare it to the Sun/Blake narrative and show me the glaring differences between the Yang/Blake narrative to prove that bumbleby was never planned yet blacksun was? (Sidenote. Anyone that has been asked to do this on the forum has yet to do it.)

“Yang showed interest in boys.”“ Yes, yes she passed comment once. In vol 1 episode 1. 8 VOLUMES AGO. She has shown not a lick of interest in guys since. Its almost as if she’s like any normal 17 year old girl who is growing into adulthood and figuring herself out, who might be realising her interest in Blake isn’t strictly platonic and is trying to navigate that whilst also grappling with what that means with regards to their friendship. And dealing with an over arching situation that is, ya know, potentially the end of the world as they know it. It’s about two years in universe, right? Which is about right of an amount of time for what its happening between them to play out. It only feels like longer to the audience because, well, its taken 8/9 years to tell the story up until that point.

“The Fans are too loud/vocal/come on too strong.” Ok, this one I agree with, we are loud and vocal and that might come across as coming on strong (here’s a huge) BUT, there is actually a genuine explanation for why it seems that way. If you really think about it, objectively.

Hear me out. Fans are excited about the potential representation we don't otherwise usually get in media. I mean, if you have 10,000 pieces of media and only ONE of them represents lgbtq people, of course we’re gonna be excited and talk about the ONE quite a bit with others who are like us. This might also be the first time we’ve seen anything like this, or seen ourselves represented in a somewhat positive light. It stands to reason that the other 9999 pieces aren't going to hold our attention as much, esp if its the same hetero romance played out a bajillion times before, right? I mean, if you have a group of people who are constantly represented in the 9999 other shows, their voices are going to spread thinner, right? They aren’t going to be gathered all on one place, talking about the same thing because there are 9999 other choices to connect them to other people. They aren’t going to care as much if their straight ship happens/doesnt happen

“Hey, I can move onto another piece of media that is churned out by the status quo. No big deal.”

Hetero romances are ten a penny. Flick through netflix, hulu, crunchy roll etc. Where as if you have a group of people who are only represented in ONE show out of the 10,000 those people are going to gather in one place to connect with others and its only going to seem like they are louder due to the densely packed space. These same people have been majority silent about the other 9999 pieces of media as their voice isn't usually represented in a positive light - being queer characters are usually brutally murdered or sidelined. (Thankyou Hays Code.)- or not even represented at all. (Bury Your Gays is a trope for a reason, folks.) And we are NEVER the titular characters. We’ve been living on crumbs and subtext for decades! Not to mention showrunners who actively queerbait the hell out of us for ratings and viewership. The almighty Pink Pound as its often referred to in business. “But why do they have to make them gay?” You’re not made gay, you’re born gay. It just takes longer for some people to realise than others. It can be a gradual realisation. And this is quite possibly the case with Yang/Blake, slowly coming to realise their own burgeoning sexualities and attraction to each other.

”Why do they have to be gay?” They don't need a reason to be queer! They just are! Queerness is only a part of a person, not their everything. It’s actually quite refreshing to see Yang/Blake being portrayed as much more than their potential sexuality. Ask yourself, ‘Why does a character have to be straight? And why doesn’t a straight character have to constantly reaffirm their sexuality? Why is ‘straightness’ assumed by default?’ Heteronormativity, is something that has been perpetuated by decades of media. (helped by the Hays Code with its out of date moral code. To be other is to be punished within the narrative.) That straight is the default setting. It’s not! We exist! Everywhere! We always have and we are going to talk to each other about it when we see a glimpse of ourselves represented in what has been a relative Sahara Desert when it comes to queer content were we are not villainised. “The romance is detracting from the plot.” Two seconds ago, people were claiming that the romance was none existent. Which is it? But Nora and Ren’s romance that is being held up as a mirror to bumbleby is fine? That Jaune relentlessly pursuing Weiss was perfectly ok. Neptune openly hitting on female characters is fine.

“I don’t have a problem with LGBT. I just don’t want it forced down my throat.” Again, out of 10,000 pieces of media, this is just ONE show. Nobody is forcing anyone to watch it or participate. Queer people have had to stomach literal 100′s of years of straight media forced upon them. Since the very conception of the written word and narrative storytelling. In plays, theatre, art, music, tv, film, on billboards, advertising, in places of education and learning etc etc. Queer people are bombarded with it whilst also being surrounded by negativity towards queerness.

“They are shoving it down my throat!” part two Is hand holding, compassion and expressing concern for another person and comforting them somehow offensive? Renora kissed, not a problem. Arkos kissed, not a problem. Show me in the sand where the line is drawn. What is the difference? Please explain this to me? Why is the expression of queerness somehow offensive? Is this because decades of media have perpetuated the false idea that all queer people are sex crazed perverts? That you’ve been groomed into thinking that queer sexuality is only based in the act of sex itself? That queer sexuality couldn’t possibly be similar to heterosexuality in its expression?

That it couldn’t possibly be about attraction, emotional, mental and maybe one day blossom into physical between two consenting adults, a pure expression of love the exact same as heterosexuality.

That some how queer love stems from some sort of deviancy or mental health issue. That queer people are some how bad or evil, and therefore their expression of affection is wrong? Oh, I wonder where those beliefs have possibly stemmed from? “Why are they in my face?” part three. 50% of of the titular cast are potentially queer. Blake and Yang. But if you look at the overall cast ensemble that runs at minimum 16 any given volume, that’s a measly 12.5% (prolly a lot smaller if you actually counted the whole cast that appears in rotation each volume) Also, someone did the math. Blake - a titular character- actually has less spoken lines that Jaune. ffs. B&Y spent neatly a whole two volumes of 8 apart. 25% of the narrative as it stands on entirely different continents.

I fail to see how it being in someone’s face could be the case.

“I just don't see it!”

That’s ok and perfectly valid But listen when people who have lived this experience are telling you that their experience is being portrayed on the screen. That they see themselves being represented. OK, This completely got away from me. In conclusion. They are more straight people than queer people and media often reflects that. We are usually the silent minority, we are sick of it but we are used to it and we are very excited that things seem to be finally changing.

It’s two characters in an large cast in ONE show out of 10,000. Its a piece of media that, for a change, hasn’t been 100% curated for straight people. We are often not allowed to play in the sand box and if we are, we’re told to play with the broken toys, be grateful and quiet. So when we are given a sandbox to play in with new unbroken toys, we are gonna dog pile in there and make a ruckas, calling our friends over. What I’m trying to say is, it’s gonna get rowdy. and here’s something to think about. “When you are used to privilege, equality feels like deprivation.”

#rwby #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #bumbleby

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bogkeep · 3 years

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hmmmmmmmmmm maybe i’ll write an Introspective Musing Post about my relationship to religion and their depiction in stories because i’ve pondering about this topic lately

so for those who are reading this and DON’T know what’s been going on... there’s this webcomic i fell in love with some years ago, about six years actually, that depicts a post-apocalyptic fantasy/horror adventure set in the nordic countries. it had, and has still, some very uncomfortable flaws regarding racial representation, and the creator has historically not dealt very well with criticism towards it. it’s a whole Thing. my relationship with this comic has fluctuated a lot, since there are a lot of elements in it i DO love and i still feel very nostalgic about, and like idk i felt like i trust my skills in critical thinking enough to keep reading. aaand then the creator went a teensy bit off the deep end created a whole minicomic which is like... a lukewarm social media dystopia where christians are oppressed (and also everyone is a cute bunny, including our lord and saviour jesus christ). which is already tonedeaf enough considering there are religious people who DO get prosecuted for their faith, like, that’s an actual reality for a lot of people - but as far as i can tell, usually not christians. and then there’s an afterword that’s like, “anyway i got recently converted and realized i’m a disgusting human being full of sin who doesn’t deserve redemption but jesus loves me so i’ll be fine!! remember to repent for your sins xoxo” and a bunch of other stuff and IT’S KIND OF REALLY CONCERNING i have, uh, been habitually looking at the reactions to and discussions around this, maybe it’s not very self care of me but there’s a lot of overwhelming things rn and it’s fantastically distracting, yknow? like, overall this situation is fairly reminiscent of the whole jkr thing. creator of a series that is Fairly Beloved, does something hurtful, handles backlash in a weird way, a lot of people start taking distance from Beloved Series or find ways to enjoy it on their own terms, creator later reveals to have been fully radicalized and releases a whole manifesto, and any and all criticism gets framed as harassment and proving them right. of course, one of them is a super rich person with a LOT of media power and a topic that is a lot more destructive in our current zeitgeist, and the other is an independent webcomic creator, so it’s not the same situation. just similar vibez ya feel as a result of this, i have been Thinking. and just this feels like some sort of defeat like god dammit she got me i AM thinking about the topic she wrote about!!! i should dismiss the whole thing!!! but thinking about topics is probably a good thing so hey lets go. me, i’m agnostic. i understand that this is a ‘lazy’ position to take, but it’s what works for me. i simply do not vibe with organized religion, personally. (i had the wikipedia page for ‘chaos magic’ open in a tab for several weeks, if that helps.) i was raised by atheists in a majorly atheist culture. christian atheist, i should specify. norway has been mostly and historically lutheran, and religion has usually been a private and personal thing. it turns out the teacher i had in 7th grade was mormon, but i ONLY found out because he showed up in a tv series discussing religious groups in norway later, and he was honestly one of the best teachers i have ever had - he reignited the whole class’ interest in science, math, and dungeons and dragons. it was a real “wait WHAT” moment for my teenage self. i think i was briefly converted to christianity by my friend when i was like 7, who grew up in a christian family (i visited them a couple times and always forgot they do prayers before dinner. oops!), but like, she ALSO made me believe she was the guardian of a secret magic orb that controls the entire world and if i told anybody the world would burn down in 3 seconds. i only suspected something was off when one day the Orb ran on batteries, and another day the Orb had to be plugged in to charge. in my defense i really wanted to be part of a cool fantasy plot. i had no idea how to be a christian beyond “uuuuh believe in god i guess” so it just faded away on its own. when i met this friend several years later, she was no longer christian. i think every childhood friend of mine who grew up in a christian family, was no longer christian when they grew up. most notably my closest internet friend whose family was catholic - she had several siblings, and each of them took a wildly different path, from hippie treehugger to laveyan satanist or something in that area. (i joined them for a sermon in a church when they visited my town. my phone went off during it because i had forgotten to silence it. oops!) ((i also really liked their mother’s interpretation of purgatory. she explained it as a bath, not fire. i like that.)) i have never had any personal negative experiences with christianity, despite being openly queer/gay/trans. the only time someone has directly told me i’m going to hell was some guy who saw me wearing a hoodie on norway’s constitution day. yeah i still remember that you bastard i’ve sworn to be spiteful about it till the day i die!! i’ve actually had much more insufferable interactions with the obnoxious kind of atheists - like yes yes i agree with you on a lot but that doesn’t diminish your ability to be an absolute hypocrite, it turns out? i remember going to see the movie ‘noah’ with a friend who had recently discovered reddit atheism and it was just really exhausting to discuss it with her. one of these Obnoxious Atheists is my Own Mother. which is a little strange, honestly, because she LOVES visiting churches for the Aesthetic and Architecture. we cannot go anywhere without having to stop by a pretty church to Admire and Explore. I’VE BEEN IN SO MANY CHURCHES FOR AN ATHEIST RAISED NON-CHRISTIAN. i’ve been to the vatican TWICE (i genuinely don’t even know how much of my extended family is christian. up north in the tiny village i come from, i believe my uncle is the churchkeeper, and it’s the only building in the area that did not get burnt down by the the nazis during ww2 - mostly because soldiers needed a place to sleep. still don’t know whether or not said uncle believes or not, because hey, it’s Personal) i think my biggest personal relationship to religion, and christianity specifically, has been academic. yeah, we learned a brief synopsis of world religions at school (and i remember the class used to be called ‘christianity, religion, and ethics’ and got changed to ‘religion, beliefs, and ethics’ which is cool. it was probably a big discourse but i was a teen who didnt care), but also my bachelor degree is in art history, specifically western art history because it’s a vast sprawling topic and they had to distill it as best they could SIGHS. western art history is deeply entangled with the history of the church, and i think the most i’ve ever learnt about christianity is through these classes (one of my professors wrote an article about how jesus can be interpreted as queer which i Deeply Appreciate). i also specifically tried to diversify my academic input by picking classes such as ‘depiction of muslims and jewish people in western medieval art’ and ‘art and religion’ when i was an exchange student in canada, along with 101 classes in anthropology and archaeology. because i think human diversity and culture is very cool and i want to absorb that knowledge as best as i can. i think my exchange semester in canada was the most religiously diverse space have ever been in, to be honest. now as an adult i have more christian friends again, but friends who chose it for themselves, and who practice in ways that sound good and healthy, like a place of solace and community for them. the vast majority of my friends are queer too, yknow?? i’ve known too many people who have seen these identities as fated opposites, but they aren’t, they’re just parts of who people are. it’s like... i genuinely love people having their faiths and beliefs so much. i love people finding that space where they belong and feel safe in. i love people having communities and heritages and connections. i deeply respect and admire opening up that space for faith within any other communities, like... if i’m going to listen to a podcast about scepticism and cults, i am not going to listen to it if it’s just an excuse to bash religion. i think the search for truth needs to be compassionate, always. you can acknowledge that crystals are cool and make people happy AND that multi level marketing schemes are deeply harmful and prey on people in vulnerable situaitons. YOU KNOW???? so now’s when i bring up Apocalypse Comic again. one of the things i really did like about it was, ironically, how it handled religion. in its setting, people have returned to old gods, and their magic drew power from their religion. characters from different regions had different beliefs and sources. in the first arc, they meet the spirit of a lutheran pastor, who ends up helping them with her powers. it was treated as, in the creators own words, ‘just another mythology’. and honestly? i love that. it was one of the nicest depictions i’ve seen of christianity in fiction, and as something that could coexist with other faiths. I Vibe With That. and then, uh, then... bunny dystopia comic. it just... it just straight up tells you christianity is literally the only way to..?? be a good person??? i guess?? i’m still kind of struggling to parse what exactly it wanted to say. the evil social media overlord bird tells you the bible makes you a DANGEROUS FREETHINKER, but the comic also treats rewriting the bible or finding your own way to faith as something,, Bad. The Bible Must Remain Unsullied. Never Criticize The Bible. also, doing good things just for social media clout is bad and selfish. you should do good things so you don’t burn in hell instead. is that the message? it reads a lot like the comic creator already had the idea for the comic, but only got the urge to make it after she was converted and needed to spread the good word. you do you i guess!! i understand that she’s new to this and probably Going Through Something, and this is just a step on her journey. but the absolute self-loathing she described in her afterword... it does not sound good. i’m just some agnostic kid so what do i know, but i do not think that kind of self-flagellating is a kind faith to have for yourself. i might not ever have been properly religious, but you know what i AM familiar with? a brain wired for ocd and intrusive thoughts. for a lot of my life i’ve struggled with my own kind of purity complex. i’ve had this really strange sensitivity for things that felt ‘tainted’. i’ve experienced having to remove more and more words from my vocabulary because they were Bad and i did not want to sully my sentences. it stacked, too - if a word turned out to be an euphemism for something, i could never feel comfortable saying it again. i still struggle a bit with these things, but i have confronted these things within myself. i’ve had to make myself comfortable with imperfection and ‘tainted’ things and accept that these are just, arbitrary categories my mind made up. maybe that’s the reason i can’t do organized religion even if i found one that fit for me - just like diets can trigger disordered eating, i think it would carve some bad brainpaths for me. so yeah i’m worried i guess! i’m worried when people think it’s so good that she finally found the correct faith even if it’s causing all this self-hate. is there really not a better way? or are they just trusting she’ll find it? and yeah it’s none of my concern, it’s like, i worry for jkr too but i do not want her within miles of my trans self thANKS. so like, i DO enjoy media that explores faith and what it means for you. my favourite band is the oh hellos, which DOES draw on faith and the songwriter’s experience with it. because of my religious iliteracy most of it has flown over my head for years and i’m like “oh hey this is gay” and then only later realize it was about god all along Probably. i like what they’ve done with the place. also, stormlight archive - i had NO idea sanderson was mormon, the way he writes his characters, many of whom actively discuss religion and their relationship to it. i love that about the books, honestly. Media That Explores Religion In A Complex And Compassionate Way... we like that i’ve been thinking about my own stories too, and how i might want to explore faith in them. most of my settings are based on magic and it’s like, what role does religion have in a world where gods are real and makes u magic. in sparrow spellcaster’s story, xe creates? summons? an old god - brings them to life out of the idea of them. it’s a story about hubris, mostly. then there’s iphimery, the story where i am actively fleshing out a pantheon. there’s no doubt the gods are real in the fantasy version of iphimery, they are the source of magic and sustain themselves on slivers of humanity in exchange. but in the modern version, where they are mostly forgotten? that’s some room for me to explore, i think. especially the character of timian, who comes from a smaller town and moves to a large and diverse city. in the fantasy story, the guardian deity chooses his sister as a vessel. in the modern setting, that does not happen, and i don’t yet know what does, but i really want timian to be someone who struggles with his identity - his faith, his sexuality, the expectations cast upon him by his hometown... i’m sure it’s a cliché story retold through a million gay characters but i want to do it too okay. i want to see him carve out his own way of existing within the world because i care him and want to see him thrive!!! alrighty i THINK that’s all i wanted to write. thanks if you read all of this, and if you didn’t that’s super cool have a nice day !

#rambles #i wrote this for me and theres no obligation to read it

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i-am-extremely-mad · 3 years

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It shocks me over and over again when I come across blogs that extremely aggressively, absolutely HATE LOK, Korra, korrasami and practically every character and aspect of the show. I have to share this horror with others because these are just a small part of the awful views from that blog (supposedly feminist and lesbian), interestingly, attitudes about LOK and korrasami were mostly positive or at least neutral in 2014-2015, and then abruptly changed sometime in the middle of last year which coincides with LOK finally being on Netflix, I will probably respond to if I am in the mood for a toxic discussion...

Anonymous asked:

“I think it's a bit hypocritical that you hate Korra's personality and not Zuko's.Zuko is arrogant asshole bitch and you like him. I never see you criticizing him like you do with Korra”

“Zuko is an arrogant asshole bitch, but he’s not annoying. Korra is an arrogant asshole bitch and is very annoying. Hope this helps!”

#asks#anti lok#going to absolutely BLOW YOUR MIND to find out that the quality of the media itself determines how much I like a character#as well as the quality of the characters development#also this isn't math there is no transitive property for liking characters#some hit and some don't#get over it#Anonymous

Anonymous asked:

“As soon as I heard “I’m the Avatar; you’ve gotta deal with it!” I knew I would fucking hate that show. I naturally hate people who are like that. If Bryke was still smart they would have thought to make Korra’s personality more like water similar to Aang with air, not “haha fuck you, I’m avatar haha!”

“LOL YEP like 3 seconds into the show you hear that, and understand EXACTLY what the rest of LOK is going to be like. Not only is a jarring contrast to Aang and every other Avatar we’ve seen, it directly contradicts everything we know about the Avatar cycle from ATLA. All the other Avatars have to be TOLD that they are the Avatar, and have to work hard to master their non-native elements. Korra just naturally being able to bend 3 elements when she’s like 5 tells you everything you need to know about how the creators of LOK went about making their show: worldbuilding and logic don’t matter, it’s all about flashy visuals and one-time gags.”

#asks#anti lok#DISGOSTING#'meh meh if korra was a MAN you wouldn't call her arrogant' I absolutely would#korra being a dickhead is not okay just because she's a woman#Anonymous

Anonymous asked:

“Korrasami is shit,a joke, boring af, they don't have romantic chemistry, asami acts like a big sister towards korra. there I said it for you.”

“OOP! Well, I certainly didn’t say it!”

#asks#anti lok#but ur right#ACTUALLY I disagree on one point#asami doesn't act like a sister to korra#they act like work colleagues that only ever hang out during their lunch break#they act like very distant cousins that only talk on facebook#they act like people that share mutual friends but don't know each other that well#okay I'll stop#Anonymous

“Korra: 1/10, I will see myself out the door to be CANCELLED! Not only was her character very unlikeable, but the way fandom reared up to defend this (quite frankly) terrible character under the guise of “wokeness” when it is clear that the creators sprinkled in just enough ~representation~ to get brownie points without actually saying anything meaningful is just EMBARRASSING. Korra defenders are being manipulated by those cishet white men they hate so much, and they do it gladly. Anyway, I find Korra boring, disrespectful, and underdeveloped.”

#asks#ask game#character ask game#anti lok#SORRY YALL LOK'S CHARACTERS ARE BAD#also korra gives off 'mean feminine lesbian who calls gnc women slurs' vibes#korra and asami would bully me and then call me a homophobe#and kuvira gives off such heterosexuelle vibes I simply CANNOT with her#thetpot

“IT’S SO VILE! Korra is barely even an active character in her own show! She’s just a vessel that gets beaten and broken over and over again. She doesn’t actually get to LEARN from any mistakes that she makes, she’s just forced to recover from these external traumas that have literally nothing to do with her.

Ugh, tbh I feel NOTHING for korrasami. Korra and Asami don’t speak about anything except Mako for most of the show, and only really start actually TALKING to each other in the last half of season 4. None of Korra’s friends really spend that much time together throughout the runtime of the show tbh.

But yeah, it’s frustrating that people tout LOK as this amazing show staring a queer WOC, but the people making the show HATED Korra and HATED developing her in a meaningful way.”

Anonymous asked:

“Korra was like Zuko at the beginning of the show, now she in season 4 is like Aang. Bryke gave kuvira a redemption bc team avatar was missing a Zuko. now she is the new zuko and not Korra.”

Sorry, my brain short circuited. You think Korra???? Is like Aang???? That might be the most offensive thing I have ever received in this askbox.

#asks#anti lok#KORRA IS LIKE AANG#IN WHAT UNIVERSE#HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY BOY LIKE THIS#I WON'T STAND FOR IT#Anonymous

“also lock me in lesbian prison but korrasami is WEAK! they didn’t have a single conversation that wasn’t about mako for 3.5 seasons!!! they had zero moments together to indicate that asami would be the only person that korra would write to!!! yall tricked me, I thought I was getting some gay shit.

#anti lok#I SAID WHAT I SAID#korra had more chemistry in her one scene with opal than she ever did with asami”

Anonymous asked:

What do you think of korrasami?

no thank u, I don’t feel like being called a homophobe by a bunch of straight women today.

#asks#anti lok#a hornet's nest I will not be swinging at on this Monday lmao#I hate everything in lok you do the math#I'm sure I've talked about my issues with korrasami on my blog SOMEWHERE#have fun!#Anonymous

Not me seeing posts giving LOK and Korrasami credit for queerness in animation when Steven Universe, Adventure Time, and She-Ra were doing it unapologetically, openly, right from the very beginning....

#anti lok#TESTING MY GODDAMN PATIENCE#if korrasami was individually influential for you as a queer woman that's FINE#but do NOT give this insane credit to the cishet writing team of LOK!!!#not when these other shows were made by ACTUAL QUEER WOMEN#DISGOSTING

Anonymous asked:

if ur looking for an actual well-written canon wlw pairing in the atla verse, there’s rangshi. fc yee works so hard to fix all of bryke’s garbage, bless his soul. i have no hope for anything avatar studios related, but if fc yee is in the writer’s room, then there may be a very marginal chance that the stuff coming out is at least somewhat worthy of being associated with atla. the worldbuilding that he’s done in rise of kyoshi is insane.

I have heard good things about the Kyoshi novels! Unfortunately, LOK is the drop of shit that has poisoned the entire water supply. All ATLA-related works are going to have to be LOK compliant now, which is so deeply restrictive and contradictory to what I liked about ATLA in the first place. I feel like pre-canon stuff is safer (and again, heard AMAZING things about what FC Yee has done with a pre-ATLA world), but I guess I’m too cynical to get really invested in any more ATLA stuff anymore.

#asks#atla#anti lok#put Nat in charge of Avatar Studios and THEN we'll talk#finally get the thotty aang and amazing worldbuilding THAT WE DESERVE#Anonymous

I know, this was awful to see...

#LOK #r/ant #personal r/ant #this fandom sometimes is just... ugh #some people are just so... ugh #some people are just disgusting #Haters gona hate #horrendous #disgusting #pathetic #UGHH

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queenofallwitches · 3 years

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an update and primer:

so the last winter was weird. I had a complete breakdown, went into psychiatric hospital for 40 days in total. two seperate times.

learnt a heap of new things, met a tonne of cool people and had amazing conversations and few fights but overcome my own demons by that.

brain speaking-I have a scarred brain stem and neurological disorder is not a mental diagnosis, but a neurological disorder, proven by MRI scan, ADHD.

also damage to my basal ganglia, and prefrontal cortex.

neurological diagnosis means ADHD is not a "mental" health issue, as some believe, rather a neurodevelopment disorder caused by structural differences in the ADHD brain.

other neurodevelopment disorders include: Tourettes, Autism, Cerebal Palsy, Dyslexia and other Motor and Intellectual Disabilities. (Which recieve, in my view, a lot of insight, media information and stigma reduction by the advocacy networks surrounding these types of disability).

Over the last few years Autism has been over everything, I've seen mainstream media cover Tourettes and yet ADHD is still HUGELY misunderstood, misconceived and misrepresented in media, be in from the angle of documentaries, personal insight of a "typical" case, films, tv, and other media.

one of the first things my dr told me was "in females it rarely presents as hyperactive red-cordial OD child"

which is what my mother BELIEVES, that is because I have an adopted cousin with the ADHD dx who was that growing up, but the representation I'm told is also divergent for women with a higher IQ score than the average IQ. I come in around 142 and tested 123 at age 3 when I was unable to focus, pay attention and had severe trauma. I tested 142 in grade 8.

I'll share my experience as a female who is intellectually gifted, with higher IQ than average, and an adhd brain:

I've been told gifted and talented "genius" children are harder to diagnose because the symptoms present differently, we hide it better (camouflage) and our focusing can be "faked" by mediocre efforts of academic success.. this is true, I would do the assignment the Sunday night hours deadline, last minute, or have my parents half do it for me, plagiarise it (fuck I've killed my whole academic career now) copied but changed my words

from old 1970s encyclopaedias I KNEW they couldn't cross reference (I went through 15 years of school never studying doing homework or assignments and still had top grades).

I literally did not listen, and spent my classes planning the end of the world survival strategies with my GT friend who, basically helped me with my calculus and hard fucking maths, which was the ONLY 50 minutes of the day I put attention into my work.

now I'm going to be heading back to full-time study in the coming months, I get anxious as the pressure of a Bachelor level degree, and the pressure it takes me to perform, is enough to break me down. I've been advised it might be wise to start light (like a basic vet style diploma) and then build up, which is logical, but I keep thinking I'm meant to be doing my thesis by now. which is the kind of pressure one gets as a kid who is told repeatedly, "your intelligence is exceedingly the average and you can do ANYTHING you want"

I wanted to be an astronaut, a storm chaser, and an architect, a town planner and then a journalist. I always held to being a "FBI agent" or spy (I wonder why). so when I found psychology is really a blend of all these things, I kinda found a niche in a psych and social science double degree. but I'm thinking my academic career is LIFELONG, and due to the fact I also want to work in my field alongside my many written thesis coming, I'll be in academics for a long time. I may fail a few things, which I have to come to terms with. I do not fail easily, or readily, but I'm a perfectionist type-a academic who will put my whole life on the line to achieve "merit". I get exams, I get assessments, I read journals super-easy, I talk the talk and walk the walk so well psychologists who are at masters level compliment me on my "knowledge".

when it comes to mental health and trauma, I will always have the personal attachment, called lived experience, which will make failure and burnout, 100 percent realistic. I have to boundary up, bootstraps on, and prepare that yes, my personal "bias" will probably be entwined in this.

which is why I'm looking at the social science for the statistics and thesis writing side of things, and the counselling for the trained therapist side. either way, the degree of counselling requires so much self-insight, and then the social-science will back me away from personifying it. the other choice is criminology, which leads to forensic psychology, which is eternally fascinating. my main concern is the pro-pedophile content Ill be up against, which will look at the anatomy of a shoplifter akin to the devil, and leave the pedophile in the DSM-5 dx "paraphilia" box.

I'm not joining or jumping to anything.

either way I've got 2 year of credit, a heap of pathways and a lot of "academic momentum" from all my life being aimed to be "academic powerhouse". I went through my files and found a lot of awards I'd won in my high school, and top place in the competitions we would be entering in. I remember feeling so sad if I had a "credit" vs a distinction or high distinction, only to see now, a credit in university maths in year 9 is a skillset I don't have anymore so, good on me. or a credit in English, or Science at that age was pretty impressive, considering these tests were random and not studied for.

just a general skills assessment only the top 30 kids in the year were to take on a year by year basis and put out to vet from the top universities and taken by other kids in the same grade around the state.

it puts so much focus on my intelligence, because it's primed to be that way, I know that is true. I know I feel good being academically successful and it gives me a feeling of "achievement" but is it really for me?

I also found 2 letters from my local politicians offering me job placement, work experience and I was 1/4 kids in my 10th grade graduation tom get the letter, and due to my behaviour I pissed ALL the idiots who bullied me off. I was "too pretty to be a nerd" "too smart to be pOpUlAr".

so I made a group of misfits, who are all highly intelligent, creative and my group had the ONLY gay male in the school AND THIS IS BEFORE YOU FUCKING RETARDS MADE IT "COOL". he was bullied badly, so fuck you, you fucks claim "liberalism" but I bet you were the type of idiot who bullied guys like him in high school while you pretended to like my chemical romance and fake cut yourselves. I hate you all, forever.

my grade was full of idiots who were fake emo, who left the scene the moment the scene changed to dub-step and club music. I was there, watching you all, like sonny Moore, went from FFTL to that dubstep skrillex shit he started in 2009.

I dated you, hooked up with you and I went to your gigs. I know who was real and who was fake. I met some of you years later and realised the more emotive ones were the less "alternative appearing".

I can say 1/10000 emo guys from the 00s were genuinely Into the music and scene for the right reasons based on my dating history and this can and will be analysed statistically using SPSS one day to prove a lot. I've had too many relationships from each sub-culture and I have had 4-11 males at a time per public "output" of my energy pursue me over life.

I'm not being cocky when I say I have a long line of "suitors" and its banked back about 50 men. it's been a thing I've avoided as it seems to grow based on my body shape, attitude, appearance, so I am currently out of touch with dating scenes, no interest to try that ANYWAY, given the fact that I have had so many LONG TERM relationships ANYWAY. I can't see another one going well, and at this case, I'm living with an ex but we never went on conventional and now our families label this 3 things: "asexual", "polyamorous" and "open relationship". I'm also "bisexual" but this all to humans outside, looks ridiculous on paper. (wild orgies and lots of swinging or some stupid sex magick probably is what J brother literally thinks we do).

bc humans are intrinsically designed to need to label things they don't understand. we share a lease, not a relationship, and fucking polyamorous, I WISH. there are no girl-girl-guy 3 some, or orgies, or sex magic parties.

this has changed the attitude and perception of this "relation' which Is non-romantic, non-sexual. he can date and likely, will, as can I , and I likely won't date.

I would say 14/15 have had ADHD, or other mental illness and or trauma. which means to me, nothing at all.

I think this "open book" non romantic relationship style of "friends and roommates" not sexual.

attachment is misunderstood by others but works well fro my adhd, meaning I'm not expected to marry, or be a wife in any capacity. he is free to do what he wants, as I am, and open communication is a novel frontier I brought into this in the start, and stayed with for the duration. we fight, but I fight with a lot of people in my life over many petty things. also down to my adhd, I believe, I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, which makes me hypersensitive to rejection, perceived or real.

im not sure if this is trauma or adhd or both. but

I have used sexuality as a weapon in many relationships but it cannot or will not be used here, so I have had to resort to uncovering parts of myself which I never knew, which will stay with me even if he decided to marry and wife up in 5 years, which I'm okay and expecting him to do, and I would much rather that then be trapped in a situation where I cannot be that "wife/mother archetype" as I'm too "femme fatal/other-woman/sex-laced seductress and siren" a "FWB, unicorn, drug buddy, hook-up where im a therapist" or "intellectual and cognitive mind-bender work-study obsessed woman".

both at once and many types of human, including one who is a full-time ceremonial magician of 7 years. I will drink, drug, fuck, fight like males and still be more feminine and high maintenance than 89% of women. I grew up a tomboy and don't mind getting into fun, adventure based situations, like hiking, or anything adrenaline, I would only be reluctant to eat weird shit.

I also have many "neurological" issues including ADHD, and trauma which causes a rupture in the average human and I dating.

I'll tell you how many men have said "you are the unicorn" and then realised what that means, I went as far as canvasing the PUA world back in 2014 after reading the game, a book on PUA, which is essentially, pick up artistry, based on NLP and hypnosis. I did this after reading the copy my ex in 2008 handed me before we dated saying "I gave this up for you". it took me years to open the book, buy when I did I truly believed the only way I would fall in love again, was through PUA. that failed in so many ways but gave me a training foundation for men who were candidates for that, I have trained up J, and the way that sounds is BAD. I know, but I got a lot of value myself, I just don't see it how I wanted to see it.

but that was my original intent, and I achieved this he knows that, knew it was happening and evolved for the best self.

I am thinking we can modulate this into a business model for how I was operating in the BDSM world was mainly psychological, not physical.

I get told all of is incredibly intimidating (I am told) to women and men.

I don't really care anymore, because people have always seen this part of me in the wrong way ANYWAY, but I own who I am NOW. which is what I needed ANYWAY. so it cannot be stolen again, and sexual healing has come from abstinence ironically.

I also don't care what or who is trying to tear up my relations, toxic or not toxic, all people around me will be on a healing journey by default, or cut out of my life, for I am radiating that energy so brightly its impossible NOT to feel that pull.

I will drag your shadows into the light, and make your secrets spin from your lips into my consciousness. its not what I do but its what is design.

I make your weaknesses mountains to climb over. you cannot hide from these in my presence, I won't be this controlling or obsessive female who wants 24-7 attention as I have a life full of meaning without love or sex. I don't want to be wined, dined or expensively gifted, unless specially requested.

I don't want love letters or romantic declarations, this isn't some femnazi bullshit, but it triggers me. I appreciate the efforts and won't make you feel bad about your insecurities, for mine are probably 30 x more pronounced.

I appreciate small things, that most males won't or don't know how to do. like remembering things I've said and being thoughtful. or knowing my silence isn't personal, or a game, but a protective wall. I've had songs sung too me, guitars played, songs written, or things made in ways that are heartfelt. but I've always had them used against me too. so it is the context. I value time, energy, conversations of depth and reciprocal exchange. I also value trauma understanding, my alters and fragments being accepted and valued as me as a whole and a person who is not afraid, or scared of stupid stuff like sensitivity, emotions, feelings as raw as my own. men feel intensely too, lol.

but will only give oral sex 100 times before I don't recieve it, I can communicate now so that wouldn't happen.

but I won't be a bitch about this stuff. I am extremely feminine and care in ways other people, do not, I forget nothing people tell me, so it can be a reward or reverse uno card pull in a fight, but I am not evil or deviant in my relations. I react, depending on how you treat me. I don't need your money, or providing source of income to be okay as I am my own queen, however sharing resources is okay to build something. I don't need to be seduced, but will need to be shown a person is trustworthy.

few cross that.

that will always be time-endurance and testing. there are ground rules I don't play with, or play games. or like being forced or forged into something I'm not. I know abusive and I know safe, and I am a psychology expert, trained psychotherapist and study humans for fun, so I'll always be analysing things.

and I know red flags and I know ego, I know how to placate and please and pleasure, but will only do so, for a bigger and better reason than the mere act of seduction. which is without value and transactional to someone like me, I won't lie.

and I know every tactic in the book, for the book was written by someone like me, many lives ago, and my karma is being burnt for that book.

in terms of walls, I have many, may it be called a maze. or labrnyth.

I will teach you things you never thought you'd know, and change your life in ways you won't ever be able to go back to before. I will blow your mind, sexually, emotionally, intellectually, on all levels, and I'll make your friends and family love me.

I'll bring your walls down and you won't be able to understand this, because you don't understand me, and thats ok.

but I'll always understanding you and make your life better because thats what I do anyway, and people talk to me about things I will never share, as I keep secrets. I am jealous, of everything but, only because I am attached in a disorganised way, and working on that.(I won't even mention how man women or men don't know basic psychology of themselves). I also am a therapist , for my friends and family too.i should not be , but I am. I care, I listen, If you think I'm not listening, I'm still listening. sometimes I interrupt, because I have ADHD and I am horrible at resolute planning, or being "normal". but I don't want to be normal anyway. I need you to recognise and understand my shit, for that is what I do for everyone in my life, and I have helped more than I receive.

I'll probably accidentally give you therapy, but thats fine, because you will uncover your depths and find meaning in this. it's not something that goes bad unless you are fundamentally, evil, even the most abusive relationship I was in, was benefited from this process. yes he's still narcissistic, but he is self-aware. and did I benefit, never, just know the anatomy of self-proclaimed narc and I still can't hate him. will get my civil claim one day.

I will fuck your mind without meaning too. but thats because I fuck my own mind. but the meaning is made in the man- some find this highly offensive or personal (its not). I fuck minds by my own overthinking, or over perception on many levels of reality. so join the ride, or don't come along at all. because once the rollercoaster is in motion, I have no control of what may or may not happen. it's purely experimental.

I am experimental.

and the women who are judging me, are not any better.

look within, and shut the fuck up. self-improve and quit this jealous divide and conquer bitchiness. I HATE gossip, bitches, snitches and fakers.

I look to other women who are intellectually, physically and spiritually "individual". and find value in superior status to my own, which is something my narcissistic ex taught me.

I look for mentors, and teachers and people who will teach me how to improve myself, which I am fearful to reconnect after something is amazing and I can't give anything back of positive value. I am sorry I am working on that.

I won't devalue those below me, but I also need to be mutually benefiting from a relationship.

I dont drag people down, I may disappear if I feel I am doing this by mistake. I am flakey as fuck, and sorry for that. its anxiety and lack of perfectionism, so I am wrong and bad for this. I can change. will change.

if you can find value with my relation, personal professional or romantic, we can move into a symbiotic beneficial agreement based on mutual "terms". but many won't or cannot see this, nor do I impose my bullshit into the lives of randoms at this age.

I don't care if this is cruel, it's real.

I value loyalty, compassion, self-insight/awareness, someone who understands all parts-spirituality, metaphysics while still having intellectual & logical & analytical brain-sight.

I enjoy music, magick and learning new things.

I do not care about appearances I dont think ive dated based on one time. I do value connections and chemistry which is far-few between, I hate fakers. I smell insincerity miles away. but I do respect women who are well-presented, or beautiful, with hair beauty and makeup, I can't do this shit well, so I look up to those who are in professions who do it like art. I find them to be genius level queens who scare me.

I call out bad behaviour and make people uncomfortable if they are repressed. I will change you without even meaning too, I don't even need to date you. its just my presence, over time, amplified by the intensity of the dynamics.

I don't want simplicity, but I also don't need over complexity.

I value passion, independence, creativity, curiosity, problem-solving, deep-disscussions, shared adventures and some occasional risk-taking (lol), sensuality and sexuality for a common cause beyond physical pleasure. I like being taught but not micromanaged. I need my own independence, and need to be trusted with that. I hate being scolded for that like a child, or being pushed to change my ways to conform to societal values. which I will push back and refuse to do. which is not healthy. I don't adult like many others do, but I try to proceed in other ways. and learn to adult like normal people, accept me.

I also value myself, and how I can be celebrated, enhanced and improved vs. the opposite.

I give space, and have boundaries, and understand human psychology, sexuality and relationships in ways few others unless they are trained, can do.

I value MY time. so you can have space to value YOURS. I dont need to be in anyones pocket for a long time. I love being alone, and being around people who are stimulating, but draining people will be drained out of my life quicker than I intend. I am sorry for the people who felt I disappeared, when I was only trying to be 'fair', if I feel I'm a bad influence, I will work on myself until I'm not. I'm still working on it.

I also use this psychology awareness, to enhance communication, connection. you may or may not become an accidental guinea pig. I will be upfront that I am experimental, but that is part of the buy ticket and take the ride. lets work together. not apart.

I am coming from a place of love, and love is what I feel for my animals, which you will be adopting as children.which I want to stop experiments being done on. I love love, in all ways, but hate cruelty of animals and children, violence and suffering. I dont advocate justice, because I find life is fucking cruel, unfair and unjust. by default, so I focus on myself. what can be changed, and what I am able to do in my own locus on control. I will always find myself drawn to the outsiders, the misfits, the vagabonds, the misunderstood. I want to help people who are society, or socially, disadvantaged by trauma and mental illness, but only when I have ability to help myself.

it's a journey.

I will not date anyone who is cruel to animals, outside of specify magical sacrifice, there is not any place for that. nor will I date or fraternise with anything or anyone linked or associated with pedophilia. I won't judge anyone on anything that are outside animal cruelty and pedophilia. I don't and haven't. I keep on good terms with every ex, bar 1 whom I only apologised too this year. it felt good to do that. I change my behaviour.

I am open, but also highly attuned to both logical, factual, empirical , scientific worlds, and spiritual, intuitive, psychic and the "collective unconscious". I walk in both these realms, and I am "conventionally attractive". which puts a lot of pressure on me, to be "stupid". I am always dumbing myself down to fit into normality, but I look ridiculous if I do that so I peacock my intellect.

only to be misconceived.

I give up because I no longer care how anyone but MYSELF can see ME. I won't dumb myself down , but I can enhance you UP. prepare yourself for graded education, evolution and self-growth on mass scales.sorry not sorry.

that sucks for the people who want to be living vicariously through me, for making up to lost trauma years, for family who sold me out for the success I'd bring home, or fake trauma enmeshed friends, or whatever they want or need from me. I value my time and energy, and have given that in abundance, and if you want to be with nut only "one part of me that is alters". I can't provide that now. not sorry.

I have to work on something or not be in a dynamic at all.

I no longer can switch on demand to adapt for you, it will not be effective and that upsets a lot of people. especially now I'm sober. harder to handle this, as I see the world for its ways and why it is, more vividly. I haven't had alcohol for almost 2 months, although, I could drink, I haven't.

I can't do it, anymore. it, being, faking, my selves fronting to impress. I can't. I have no more left to give, and I'm expected by everyone to be a way I can't do it in the way they want.

I will go to another year long outpatient DBT, followed by 10 weeks of A-C-T therapy, and however many ECT OR TMS may or may not help. I'm told it won't (ect) work. but TMS, is something I am open too. but I am telling you, none of this psychotherapy, that will be based on dbt skills, day therapy, intensive skills training, recommencing my studying, and resuming "life worth living" will or can wipe the traumas I've "recovered" memories for.

I will also shut the fuck up, and tell nobody about this if you leave me alone, I told that to my family, and this is open letter to the watchers, stalkers and perps who read this openly as I track the hits on here and have 200+ visits a day every day for the last month. globally. no idea how or who you are but I think its the same people who called the police for the "ayreon song lyrics" seen to be a suicide not last October.

thanks for that wake up call, I have shut the fuck up, since December, more so now. I will burn the journals, or lock them up.

my recovery is not linear, not yet fully integrated and I trust nobody so I don't think my psychotherapy will be deep, I focus on things like ADHD AND my EDNOS. and dbt skills. I won't be talking about sexual traumas.

enjoy the update, and thanks for the "attention".

I have my goals, my work, my meaning and what my life should and could and will look like, but I will not share that with anyone. that means everyone right now.

I've been tested, traumatised and terrorised to the point of not-tolerant of anyone who may bring that back, and banish the fuck out of my sphere every moment I need.

take me as I am, or watch me as I go, which I will go, where I am not wanted I will remove myself, but I will find where I am celebrated because I create that.

I will rise up against all adversity every time but that is survival and that created a resilient and brave woman, in me. who will not be destroyed or decomposed by humans who are fundamentally fucking evil.

I gift you my truth, in progression, and give up the pain of the past.

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ineffable-my-dear-crowley · 3 years

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Destiel: A rant by a very, VERY happy lesbian

This is my first ever tumblr post. I’ve never felt a need to type something up like this before, let alone post it, but DESTIEL IS FREAKING CANON SO here I am, at 2 a.m., furiously typing this from my bathtub while I listen to “The Night We Met” on repeat. I’m gonna preface this by saying it is a very pro-Destiel rant. I’ve been a fan of the show for five years now, and I’ve been very invested for three of them. I can name episodes, lines, writers, and show history off the top of my head. This show has been an incredibly big part of my life, keeping me alive at one point, and I have a lot of feelings to express in this dumpster fire. So, strap in cause this is gonna be a long one. Starting with my biggest point: THE CONFESSION IS NOT A “BURY YOUR GAYS” Believe me, I am all too familiar with the “bury your gays” trope in media. As a queer person starved for representation it has felt cheap and horrible to me, so the reason why I’m still watching this show is because I am 583% certain that Cas is coming back. And in no particular order, this is why: 1) Supernatural is a show with a history of reincarnation. Characters die and come back to life so often it’s legitimately a rite of passage in the show. If my math is correct (which it probably isn’t because I’m gay and can’t do math for shit), Cas has died on eight seperate occasions. I think the reason why people are getting so upset over it is because of the fact that there are only two episodes left, but let’s not forget, the last episode is TWO HOURS LONG. That gives them PLENTY of time to bring him back. 2) Jensen has said that episode 19 is the season finale while episode 20 is the series finale. Many people working on the show have stated that the finale is focused on characters and their relationships. I am a firm believer in the idea that the writers will give us a happy ending, and it has been established in canon that Dean simply can not have a happy ending without Cas. They can’t give us a two hour series finale that ends well without bringing Cas back. Narratively it makes no sense. 3) Rachel Miner is listed as a character in episode 19. For those of you who don’t know, Rachel is the amazing actress playing Meg/the Empty. The fact that the Empty is listed tells us that it still plays an important role in the story, and Cas is inextricably linked to that role. This show can’t have an Empty plot without bringing up Cas and his deal, it just can’t narratively. It would be insanely OOC for Dean, Sam, Jack, and hell, even the Empty itself (we know it loves to gloat) to not bring it uo. They wouldn’t have the Empty make another appearance and completely disregard the confession, these writers are so incredibly good about tying up loose ends (I’ll speak more about this later). 4) This brings me to the photo on IMDb for episode 20 (Please look it up) When I first saw the photo, I literally screamed. In my apartment. At six in the morning. I screamed because this is what made me KNOW he was coming back. This was the catalyst for me. For those of you who don’t know, this barn looks almost EXACTLY the same as the barn from season 4 episode 10, “Heaven and Hell” (Yes, I can name it off the top of my head, don’t @ me, I know I have issues). In the episode, Dean and Sam are protecting Anna, a fallen Angel, from Cas and another Angel named Uriel (He’s important, I’m gonna talk about him later). The Empty has been described as a place where you relive your worst memories over and over again, your biggest regrets. I feel like this would be a moment Cas would regret, he didn’t want to hurt Anna, but he didn’t fight his orders enough to fully rebel. To me, this image is proof that Sam and Dean are going to go into the Empty and find Cas among his memories. Sound familiar to anyone? Maybe a parallel to Michael???? That brings me to my next point which I will discuss in my next post because it's too long to post as one thing!!!

#Destiel #Canon destiel #Endgame destiel #Pro-destiel #Wow that’s a lot of destiel tags #Meta #Supernatural #Spn 15x19 #Spn 15x20 #Speculation #Castiel

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dgcatanisiri · 3 years

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So... something kinda hit me abruptly and pushed me to feeling about ready to snap, so... Have a word vomit. Kinda feels like a greatest hits compilation of my “another angry queer rant” tag, but I need to get it out, so...

I know I’ve been over plenty about how I don’t feel represented even when I have something with gay representation. How I’d give dozens of Dorians and Iron Bulls to get even one run of Inquisition that properly has my male Inquisitor romance Cullen. How when I look at Mass Effect - this franchise that I love - I can only see how much it hates me for being a gay man who dares to seek content for me. How godawful it is that Gil’s story, a story that is explicitly a story centered on a gay man and the difficulties he faces BECAUSE of being gay, was written by a straight person who ABSOLUTELY does not GET. IT. And how fandom as an entity sucks, because so often it feels like the attitude of the people in it comes across as telling me that my desire to be represented in my media somehow comes in second to celebrating the advances solely for women, that my needs as a queer MAN (the emphasis usually theirs) are less important, because I can still see myself AS A MAN in other characters throughout media.

But... That doesn’t change the fact that this is a very real, very tangible THING for me to grapple with. And sometimes it feels like no one ever, EVER talks about this.

I mean, my go-to example is that after Inquisition dropped, you could not say A WORD in criticism of Dorian without people jumping down your throat, chomping at the bit to call you a homophobe for it. No matter what reason - but ESPECIALLY if you thought he was “too stereotypical” - you got hit with that label. Even if you were gay yourself, it was just your “internalized homophobia” that made you dislike him, or even being biased against the people who genuinely do lean in to the stereotypes, don’t they deserve representation too?!

Well, yeah. It’s not like I was saying they don’t. But that it’s a stereotype means it’s often still in media, still often THERE. It’s not always good representation, but it’s something. Meanwhile for those of us who AREN’T? It just meant further exclusion from the narratives. A continuation of our invisibility.

And sure, one queer character cannot represent every queer person, one individual who embodies one letter of the alphabet soup cannot be everything to everyone under that individual label. But, again, it still means that I don’t get to see myself.

If media representation is a life preserver, then I’m getting pulled out to sea while the lifeguards are busy with people who are closer to them than I am. Which, you can call it triage, cast the widest net to hope to get the most people, but when you’re one of those who are not even able to grab on to the net and use it to pull yourself closer, it’s not helping. And, because they’re focused on those who have grabbed on to the net, your struggle continues to be ignored.

Worse, sometimes they aren’t factoring you in the net they’re throwing (yes, I’m aware my metaphor is getting increasingly strained, just work with me here) because they think you’re not in the trouble they think others are - if you can “pass” as cishet, if you can exist without actively fearing for your safety, if you are the kind of person who can walk down the street and not expect to be harassed because you “present” gay, then you’re not as in need as those people who can’t, who are going to be threatened for existing while visibly queer.

But the truth is that you’re still suffering. I’m not gonna get in to the whole oppression Olympics nature of it all, but there is an element that those of us who “pass” as being “straight-acting” (and, for the record, I think these terms are bogus and bullshit, but I’m using them for the sake of simplicity in getting my message across, because I’m stream of consciousnessing this post instead of going to bed so you’re getting babble and word vomit so that this isn’t playing on a loop as I try and sleep) suffer that... I’m not going to say that it makes it worse, but it does have this level of SOMETHING that is a unique pain that you aren’t going to find from the people who are visibly and noticeably queer at a glance - it’s not just isolation, because this is something that you end up not talking about because no one around you realizes that you are queer, but also this voice in the back of your mind that starts questioning “are you REALLY queer? Are you queer ENOUGH?”

And that’s why it hurts that little bit more, is that much more a twist of the knife, when I see these people who push the “joke” of like “why did they even HAVE male Shepard?” or “the only way to play is as Kassandra.” Because it does reinforce this idea - that there is this attitude of this thing, this character that I was seeing as representation doesn’t matter. So that I take strength in that character, well, that’s just me latching on to REPRESENTATION AS A MAN, and we’re not here to protect your fragile masculine ego.

When all I’m looking for is a queer man like I am.

And sometimes, I don’t even feel like the other queer men I can look to get it. Like, there was that time about a year ago that I looked up issues of queer men in video games, and the three videos I found all got an “...and NOPE!” reaction from me - the first argued in math about how “queer people are a small portion of the population, we can’t realistically expect to be represented equally,” even though we’re talking about FICTION, which is, by definition, NOT reality, the second was clearly a cishet who compared not being represented as a queer person to not being represented as a Swedish person, and then a third who first had a thumbnail on a video of “good and bad representation” and Kaidan was the example of bad (so a negative mark against this video to begin with, but I was desperate), only to lead with Dorian as a good example, which... *vague motion above and at the “dorian critical” tag* I staunchly disagree with this stance.

Like... I have to struggle to think of who my role models in being a queer man are. It’s not just who fits my story, but who do I look up to, who inspires me. And, admittedly, the luster for any personal hero seems to inevitable wear off at this point, I’m in my early thirties, and most of the media I consume will have characters who are my age or younger PERIOD, so my queer heroes would have to be people I’d consider either peers or even someone who I am older than...

But then, that’s kinda the thing about being queer period - we lost a generation to AIDS, and for those who followed that generation, we’ve had to live in this world where our heroes don’t exist like us, while trying to pave the way for those who come after us, and who can’t conceive of what it is like to age - as in “go from adulthood to middle age to elder,” not just the matter of growing up from childhood to adulthood - and so even as they’re the one who we want to give all of this to... It still means we suffer because no one is there to offer US that hand.

And yet, try to explain this to media creators, and you get ignored or even shut down. Like, I about a year ago, I directly replied to tweet from Patrick Weekes, explaining how Inquisition failed me, how all bi LIs actually HELP me feel more represented as a queer person than the mix of sexualities that BioWare on the whole has said that they intend to do (re: the difference of LIs in DA2 and Dragon Age Inquisition). It got no response, not even a like to indicate that it’d been read by them. I could form in my head the response I’d have inevitably gotten from David Gaider when he still had an active Tumblr of what would amount to, nicest, “we cannot please everyone, enough people were moved by Dorian’s story to make it worthwhile, sorry.” Given some of my cynicism, I can’t help but believe that it would also have come with a “sorry you feel that way.” Particularly considering some of the comments he’s made about Cullen and Kaidan as LIs, both of whom being characters I connect to more than others in their respective games...

And like... Gaider is a gay man. Weekes is nonbinary. But they are from that generation who view being able to exist openly as queer as a revolutionary statement, which... It’s a statement I want to make, sure, but it’s not a revolutionary one to me - “existence” is the bare minimum. To me, focusing on existence as a queer person is to say that the queer character must justify existing as queer in order to be a part of the narrative. But what is revolutionary to me is to give the queer person a story in the narrative that has NOTHING to do with their queerness.

Like... Fantasy world here, Inquisition drops with Cullen and Cassandra as same-sex exclusive LIs, while every other aspect of their stories are the same. Women can’t romance Cullen, Men can’t romance Cassandra. Other than that, we have Cullen with his addiction/redemption arc and Cassandra not just struggling with her faith but even getting the chance to be Divine. Yes, fandom would FLIP. THE FUCK. OUT. But here’s what it says - the things that these characters go through in the course of the game are not defined by their sexuality. Hell, with these characters specifically, you get characters with MASSIVE relevance to queer stories that AREN’T exclusive to being queer - addiction is a real issue in queer communities, given how many of our safe spaces are bars or clubs, places where alcohol (and thus alcohol abuse) is easily obtained, and, by extension, drugs as well. Meanwhile, there are SCORES of queer people who struggle with the question of faith in the wake of their queerness manifesting.

THAT is revolutionary. To take these stories that straight people get all the time, that certainly have meaning as queer stories for the queer audience... And yet, when they go to these (hypothetically) queer characters, it has that subtext without making the story ABOUT their queerness, while still making it clear that, in this version of things, they are queer - players couldn’t pretend that it’s only in some parallel universe that they are queer, they would only be attracted to the same sex PC. THAT is revolutionary.

Or, y’know, take it back beyond BioWare for a little bit here - all the characters I feel the most connection to emotionally in TV shows are straight. All these men who are my role models only ever get shown being involved with women. At most, they’ll get queerbaited as MAYBE being queer, if you just keep watching! Inevitably, of course, they are not queer by the end of the show - the closest to date is the debacle that is Supernatural.

Yeah, there’s representation for ya.

And then there are those who end up looking at what I see as thoroughly inadequate and... They’re happy. They praise it. They look at this thing that hurts me, that excludes me, that can, when I’m in the bad headspaces, even make me question myself... And they have found something they like with it.

Which, for the record, good for them, genuinely and sincerely, I really am glad that someone is getting something out of this, but... Well, see above: life preserver, isolation, “sorry you feel that way.” Everyone else is getting what they needed, but what about me? When does my representation get to appear? Why am I always being left, scrounging for the scraps of the scraps? Why does other peoples’ representation always seem to get shoved to the front of the line, leaving me languishing in the back.

That’s the real thing about all of those lines of “if you don’t like it, go make your own!” At this point, even if I did manage to get something in my to-write folder cleaned up and ready to go, in reality... How am I supposed to feel like anyone other than me WOULD proceed to read it? That the audience would exist? Because... no one seems to care about this audience. Hell, how would I get anyone to publish it if it is only going to appeal to me?

I feel on the margins of the margins, where no one really cares. Hell, even here in my own blog, I feel afraid of backlash - I’ve had the assholes show up in response to like little brief comments that are off-the-cuff rambles, not worded in a way that makes them a full, detailed accounting, and either take them as evidence that I, personally, represent all that is wrong with fandom at large, or that I am a target for their trolling. Because saying that “I find the jokes about male Shepard not mattering to be diminishing of me as a queer person, can we please stop this?” is somehow not just lesbophobic, but VIOLENTLY lesbophobic. Or that saying that I don’t care that bad things happen to a fictional species is somehow advocating for violence against actual women. Or even explicitly calling out BioWare for lovingly lingering the camera on Miranda’s ass is slutshaming her. And of course, there are the assholes who responded to me saying on the BioWare Twitter announcement post for the Legendary Edition that, if it didn’t have a full trilogy male Shepard/Kaidan romance, I wasn’t buying it, and proceeded to a) call me entitled for it (like, read a dictionary, the very fact that I have to call for this content that doesn’t exist in the game proper is the OPPOSITE of entitlement...), b) tell me that I “shouldn’t deny [myself] a great story just because it doesn’t have gay people in it” and c) just generally be homophobic. Even in rolling with it on the basis of “the trolls are gonna show up period if you make it clear that you care about something, especially if you are trying to get representation for some group that is in the minority... It gets exhausting. It can be harmful. It makes it clear that you’re not welcome, even when you’re supposedly united by the fact that you and these people supposedly love the same piece of media.

I mean, among those examples, I’ve given the statements that inspired those responses no tags other than my own organizational tags, but SOMEHOW they find me anyway, so it wouldn’t surprise me if I got accused of like being another White Gay™ with this post, that I simply want to center the conversation wholly on myself at the expense of all other intersections of queerness and other identities or something for saying all of this, even though this is, and it says so from the start, a vent post, which, by definition, is centered on myself because it’s about me and my experiences and emotions. *sigh*

Anyway...

And, y’know, when BioWare actively refuses to even ACKNOWLEDGE that the absence of a full trilogy M/M romance option is a bad thing, it just ends up saying that the trolls are actually the audience they’re willing to court. That Supernatural ending with a brothers only focus that doesn’t even allow Cas to be mentioned other than offhandedly while suppressing ANY kind of emotional fallout to his admission of love says that they don’t care about the queer people who at the very least the actor was trying to be respectful and representative of. That every piece of media that says that to have a queer person in it, their presence must be explained and justified is saying that there needs to be a REASON for queerness, a reason that is not “because people are queer, and queer people come in as many stripes as cishet people, and so media should reflect that spectrum just as much.”

Even when the numbers of queer characters in media goes up, it doesn’t really move the needle. And that’s not even getting to the difficulties when you are any mix-and-match combo under the queer umbrella, or any other identity that intersects to marginalize someone in our society. It just...

Y’know, it doesn’t feel like “it gets better.” Rather it just feels like being stuck in position, just with a changing backdrop. Sure, things look different by the end of the day, but that doesn’t change that you’re not getting anywhere.

#dg gets personal #another angry queer rant

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princessmuk · 4 years

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Things I want to see more of:

• Guys who have interests and personalities that don’t match up with traditional masculinity who are straight

• LGBTQIA+ rep that doesn’t fit into stereotypes

• LGBTQIA+ rep that is treated just as naturally as a straight person/relationship would be

• Male friendships that are strong and emotional and healthy, and stay as friendships

• Male friendships between an LGBTQIA+ male and a straight male that are strong and emotional and healthy, and don’t involve one-sided romance

• Ace and Aro representation, together and separately

• Bisexuals who would never even think of cheating on their S.O.

• Disabled characters whose storylines don’t revolve around their disability

• Lesbian representation that isn’t all about sex

• wlw representation in teenagers

• Healthy poly relationships that don’t involve a breakup storyline

• Romance novels and movies from the guy’s perspective that are healthy and not creepy or sexist

• Non-binary characters existing in peace

• Trans characters played by trans actors

• Bisexual/lesbian relationships

• Ace relationships where the Ace person never has sex and the other person is okay with that

• Ace relationships where the Ace person, of their own accord and because they want to, have sex with their partner

• Introverts who are still introverted at the end of the story

• Aro rep that stays Aro

• Ace rep that stays Ace

• Teenagers playing teenagers in movies and TV

• Women who have personalities and develop, no matter what stereotypes they may play into

• Girls who are feminine and who happen to fit into society’s view being potrayed as smart and kind (or even as mean or strong or blunt or anything, literally any personality trait) instead of being the popular girl who follows every trend because she has no identity

• Girls who like pink but it doesn’t define their personality

• Straight guys who like pink

• LGBTQIA+ allies who wear pride merch

• LGBTQIA+ allies who don’t really care if people think they’re gay

• Fashionable boys

• Girls who don’t wear makeup and don’t feel the need to

• Girls who don’t wear makeup even though there’s pressure for them to

• Girls who are insecure about their looks but realize their looks don’t define them

• Girls with body hair

• Interracial relationships with no drama centering around it being interracial

• Interracial LGBTQIA+ relationships

• Characters with Tourette’s who don’t swear all the time (or maybe even ever)

• Characters with a neurological disorder that don’t get diagnosed for a while because their symptoms aren’t as noticeable

• Characters with a neurological disorder that was never officially diagnosed

• Autistic characters who are fleshed out and don’t fit into stereotypes

• Autistic characters who fall in love

• Deaf characters who only use sign language and can’t lip read well

• Mute characters

• Parent/child relationships that are healthy and full of love

• POC in roles that combat their stereotypes

• Characters who speak many languages

• POC in the fantasy genre

• Historical dramas featuring LGBTQIA+, POC, disabled, mentally ill, etc. characters

• Realistic sibling dynamics

• Realistic portrayal of teenage relationships (I.e. not sexualized but also not acting like high schoolers only ever hold hands or smth)

• Potrayals of emotionally abusive relationships that seem okay at first

• Men being abused by their female partners and it being taken seriously

• Characters from the South who are liberal

• Characters from Appalachia who are intelligent and rich with personality, yet still have their accent and way of life

• Female spies and assassins who get what they want without seducing men

• (But also: Female spies and assassins who seduce women instead)

• Media where the main cast is all POC

• Middle Eastern representation that doesn’t fit into stereotypes or imply they are evil or terrorists

• Muslim characters who aren’t potrayed as evil

• Muslim girls who wear hijabs in media

• Media where the white guy is the villain

• Indian characters who don’t fit into stereotypes

• Characters from West Asia

• Black female characters who don’t play into stereotypes

• Black male characters who wouldn’t hurt a fly

• Black characters as doctors, lawyers, politicians, mayors, presidents, royalty, etc.

• Vegitarian/vegan characters who aren’t potrayed as annoying and who respect the lifestyles of others

• Villains who have tragic backstories, but are held accountable for their actions

• Stories without a villain

• Nerd girl x hot popular dude but they both have personalities that go beyond their stereotypes and the nerd girl never gets a transformation scene

• Nerd/jock dynamics, platonic and romantic, straight and gay

• Conventially attractive guy with a personality x girl who isn’t conventially attractive and also has a personality

• Characters getting called out on their privilege and realizing their mistakes

• Women who save their S.O.

• Giggles during confessions and kisses

• Men who confess in cheesy, awkward ways

• Men who confess to a woman and are rejected, but move on and stay friends with the woman

• LGBTQIA+ characters who confess to someone also LGBTQIA+ and are rejected, then move on and stay friends with that person AND have an actual relationship with someone else later

• Women who confess to men, ask them out, take the lead in the relationship

• Characters not forgiving someone who hurt them, even if they have become a better person, because they are still hurting

• Characters in abusive relationships who break up — later they meet up again and the abusive one has changed into a better person, but they don’t get back together

• Relationships (platonic or romantic) in which both characters treat each other badly and both are called out for it

• Characters with last trauma getting better but still having their trauma affect them in small ways

• Characters with PTSD being potrayed accurately

• Sociopaths and psychopaths being potrayed accurately and not as killers

• Characters with learning disabilities who are still intelligent

• Characters who are intelligent but have a hard time expressing it

• Characters with ADHD who still have personality and are potrayed accurately and are fleshed out

• Characters with OCD who potray lesser-known parts of OCD

• Characters who have triggers (not just triggers like guns or smth either, like a certain smell or the taste of a certain kind of bread or green socks or smth set them off)

• Characters who smoke but quit

• Characters who turn to drugs but find healthier ways to cope

• Poor characters spending money on themselves once in a while

• Depressed characters who are less creative when they’re more depressed or off meds

• Characters with anxiety who stay anxious but still overcome their fears

• Characters who take medicine and pills taking them and getting better

• Doctors who ignore problems being called out

• Characters being on their periods and it not being treated as a joke

• Characters who get injured and face a long path of recovery, but it isn’t the main storyline

• Characters with scars still being seen as beautiful, and not just to their love interest

• Aro characters who aren’t completely disgusted by love

• Characters who don’t want children but still are kind to them

• Couples getting married and never having children

• Adoption being normalized in media

• Characters who fit into more than one box (e.g. she’s a musical lover who also draws, and loves math, or he plays basketball but wants to be a politician)

• Nerdy men who don’t get the girl and are okay with it

• Nerdy men who respect women

• Nerdy women who are beautiful

• Nerd characters who don’t gatekeep when another character mentions they like the thing they’re nerdy about

• Male/male presenting characters who wear makeup

• Male/male presenting characters who wear makeup and are straight

• Characters being investigated by police who are innocent but still use their rights (don’t let the police search their house, don’t talk during the interrogation w/o a lawyer present, etc.)

• A man and a woman who dislike/hate each other still not liking each other by the end of the story (or, they’re friends in the end but not in love)

• Exes who are still friends and don’t get back together

• Exes who live together and don’t get back together

• A group of friends living together

• Characters who eagerly learn about a new culture and respectfully join in on an activity

• Single characters who stay single

• Characters who question their sexuality

• Characters who don’t use labels and just do what they want to do

• Twink/twink dynamics but they’re still both developed, multi-faceted characters

• Bear/bear dynamics but they’re still both developed, multi-faceted characters

• Twink/bear dynamics but they’re still both developed, multi-faceted characters and neither of them are referred to or act like the “male or female of the relationship”

• Butch/butch dynamics but they’re still both developed, multi-faceted characters

• Femme/femme but they’re still both developed, multi-faceted characters

• Femme/butch dynamics but they’re still both developed, multi-faceted characters and neither of them are referred to or act like the “male or female of the relationship”

• Love triangles that end in polyamory

• Love triangles that end in gay

• Love triangles that end in no couples at all

• Pedophilia being called out and punished

• A storyline that features grooming and punishes it

• LGBTQIA+ POC characters

• Medical dramas that are medically accurate and aren’t all about sex

• Characters will moles on their faces not being described as ugly

• Characters with big noses not being described as ugly

• Characters or different religions who practice their religion and celebrate their holidays in the story

• Stories about indigenous people

• Characters who aren’t conventionally attractive who aren’t defined by that and are still respected and loved

• Characters with tattoos that are just normal people and not part of a gang or smth

• Characters who change an opinion that has long defined them because of something they see, experience, or realize

• Teenage characters who don’t have much free time

• Teenage characters who have to ask permission before they go out and do things

• Black characters with natural hair

• Characters with dyed hair that are still very professional

• Stories that pass the Bechdel test

• LGBTQIA+ couples with kids, adopted or conceived with their genes or bodies

• Trans Female/Trans Male relationships

• Gay men and lesbian women in relationships with trans males and trans females respectively

• Stories that take place in modern day Africa, South America, Central America...

• Characters who are strong but not in skinny yet muscular way

• Overweight characters who are healthy that love their bodies

• Overweight characters who love their bodies but aren’t healthy and who try to treat their bodies better

• Overweight characters that love their bodies, period.

• Skinny characters who aren’t healthy and try to treat their bodies better

• Characters with realistically proportioned bodies

• Characters with freckles

• Female veteran characters

• Characters who are ignorant to their privilege and learn better

• Characters who are ignorant to their privilege despite trying not to be that learn better

• Christian characters who aren’t racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, etc.

• Feminist characters who are men

• Female feminist characters who still fit into many traditional roles

• Female feminist characters who are empowered in other ways than sexually

• Men who are called out on objectifying women and change their behavior (and, if called out by a woman, who don’t get with the woman that called them out!)

• Characters with brown eyes having their eyes complimented and spoken poetically about

• Realistic female armor

• Elderly characters learning from young characters

• Romance for elderly and past middle aged characters

• Stories about older characters that aren’t about sickness or crazy mid-life crises

• Couples with children who divorce but stay friends and raise the children

• Divorce storylines that aren’t 100% angst and have a happy ending other than the parents getting back together

• Male characters who cry and aren’t viewed as less of a man for it

• Male characters who express their emotions healthily

• Characters who learn to express their emotions healthily

• Female characters who are strong and empowered yet still cry and have emotions

• Child characters that act like actual children

• High school dramas with actual high school drama

• Superhero movies and comics with female leads

• Groups of friends with a 50/50 f/m ratio

• Guy characters who are friends with lots of girls and see them as sisters

• Girl characters who are friends with lots of guys and see them as brothers

• Sisters protecting brothers

• Wives/girlfriends protecting husbands/boyfriends

• Femme characters protecting butch characters

• Twink characters protecting bear characters

• Traditonally feminine characters (female or male) who are still strong and can kick ass

• Feminine female/female presenting characters who don’t shave

• Male/male presenting characters in skirts and dresses

That’s all I can think of off the top of my head... definitely didn’t get everything or include everyone, so please add on if you think of more!!

And please, if I said anything problematic by accident, tell me!! Anything I said I wanted to see more of that featured a group I’m not a part of was based off things I’ve seen and heard people in those groups discuss. If I said anything that played into negative stereotypes or just doesn’t sound right, please do tell me. The point of this post is to be positive and fresh, not to say anything discriminatory or offensive. If I said anything that wasn’t my place to say, also please tell me. Anything problematic will be removed from the post.

If there’s anything you want me to explain why I want it, feel free to ask ^^

Edit: changed “ftm” and “mtf” to “trans males” and “trans females”.

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theboywhocriedbooks · 5 years

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Like a Love Story by Abdi Nazemian

[Goodreads]

It's 1989 in New York City, and for three teens, the world is changing.

Reza is an Iranian boy who has just moved to the city with his mother to live with his stepfather and stepbrother. He's terrified that someone will guess the truth he can barely acknowledge about himself. Reza knows he's gay, but all he knows of gay life are the media's images of men dying of AIDS.

Judy is an aspiring fashion designer who worships her uncle Stephen, a gay man with AIDS who devotes his time to activism as a member of ACT UP. Judy has never imagined finding romance...until she falls for Reza and they start dating.

Art is Judy's best friend, their school's only out and proud teen. He'll never be who his conservative parents want him to be, so he rebels by documenting the AIDS crisis through his photographs.

As Reza and Art grow closer, Reza struggles to find a way out of his deception that won't break Judy's heart--and destroy the most meaningful friendship he's ever known.

Thoughts:

Spoiler-Free Thoughts:

This was a book that I instantly became excited for when I learned what it was about. It discusses queer love, HIV/AIDS, NYC, the late 80’s, and those are all right up my alley. I’ve personally spent a lot of time educating myself about this history, be it in classes such as the one I took that focused on QPoC and HIV/AIDS specifically, or online, so you can say I’m pretty invested. I even wrote my own short story that focuses on similar themes (more on that some other time). Those parts of this book were so great, to an extent. One of my favorite historical moments is the St Patrick's Cathedral protest in the late 80’s, the die-in, where an individual can be heard screaming ‘You’re killing us!” and that made it into this book. So many other important historical moments made it into this book and I think that is its strongest aspect.

I was also excited about this book because it discusses this topic AND is by a person of color, an Iranian American specifically and one of the main characters is Iranian American as well. I felt like, ‘who better to explore themes of love and friendship during this time than someone who was alive during that time and also is a person of color’, aka, a voice I don’t hear enough of when discussing this topic. So much of this book is important! The queer Iranian representation, the queer youth rep during this time in history, queer sex + safe sex, the iconic activism, and even just some of the general references. I respect this book for that alone, for attempting to tackle it all and doing some of it very well.

Unfortunately, I had a lot of problems throughout the book. I know one or two might be very biased and personal things, but I know there are some I would like others to know or talk about. This includes: love triangle/melodrama?, general pacing, Madonna, the white characters, cis-normativity, privilege, the pov’s, and more. I will discuss that below, so run to read the book (if you want) or continue to read my spoiler-ful thoughts!

Spoiler-ful Thoughts:

I feel like some of what I have to say might be controversial so bear with me. For context, I am a young queer Mexican-American writer from Los Angeles, and that’s where I’m coming from with this, identity wise.

I was so stoked to hear this history told in a PoC perspective but aside from the author being of color, I don’t actually think I got a PoC perspective??? Let me break that down. First of all, the story is a multi-pov that alternates each chapter from Reza, Art, and Judy. Realistically, 1/3 of the story is told from the Iranian American character’s eyes. Then the other two are white characters. That itself is where I began being a little iffy (because, again, I was excited about a young PoC pov on this topic) but I was open, especially because I enjoyed them all in the beginning. I just didn’t understand why we needed a straight ally’s point of view? Overall her arc fell flat, aside from the cute moments of fashion design or that moment with Reza’s brother surprisingly. I would have been okay/would have preferred if it was just Reza and Art’s pov though.

In relation to Judy, the whole romance between her and Reza and then Reza and Art was so overblown and unnecessary. Reza didn��t need to date her, though that is a valid and relatable gay teen feels. I wish it ended in that “oh!!! you’re gay, wait!! lol let’s be friends then!” thing. Instead, she’s in love with him for half the book, super pushy with sex and gets extremely upset with Art for… liking Reza, and then you don’t ‘see’ her much throughout the rest of the novel anyway? It just felt so unnecessary, and so love-triangle-y. I did really like Art’s “you don’t understand how it is to like someone and be gay” speech cos felt valid to gay teen vibes, but that could have just been said in a way less dramatic argument? It really made no sense to me.

Before we leave Judy, lets touch on privilege, specifically white privilege and class privilege. Reza’s family, was once poor but now filthy rich. Art’s family, filthy rich and white. Judy’s family, allegedly shown to not be ‘rich’ by the two lines that say “my friends’ rich parents gifted us that cos we’re not as rich as my rich friends” and yet there is really no discussion on that any deeper than that. Like why are her parents not shown working, her mother especially? And her uncle? He lives alone in an apartment in the upper east side or whatever, and doesn’t work anymore? I might have missed that but I shouldn’t be able to just ‘miss that.’ Like, how did they pay to go to PARIS. It just didn’t at all feel like a story I could relate to or one that this history could relate to entirely. Like, even them having a whole ass wake/party thing for her uncle in a night club? Most people who died of AIDS complications didn’t get that, especially not ones who aren’t from ‘not-rich-families’. It was subtle and yet the smell of privilege was everywhere.

Then even Art and Reza’s relationship was also weird? It was forbidden then it immediately wasn’t and they were in love, due to one or two time jumps that really did not help to build their relationship at all. Okay though, some teens love easily, especially gay teens who don’t know many other gay teens so it could slide? Then, however, there is this really real and valid fear ingrained in Reza regarding AIDS and gay sex. He is terrified, and I loved (and hurt) for how terrified he was because it felt reasonable. What I didn’t love was, knowing this, Art was also super pushy sexually? Do you realize he, at multiple times, tried to pressure Reza into sex and once even got naked and pushed his body against him? Doing this after full well knowing how uncomfortable Reza was? No, thank you. From the author’s note in the book, I felt like MAYBE this could have been intentional and not meant to be an extremely positive? While that could be a stretch, it also doesn’t at all criticize or directly address this toxic behavior so boop.

This brings me back to not feeling like I get a QPoC perspective. Reza is our main queer person of color, and really the only prominent one (Jimmy was a rather flat character). Yet, everything else revolves around whiteness. I already addressed Judy taking up space as a narrator. Then there is Art, the super queer activist teen. He is mostly where Reza learns all the queer things from, and he is mostly the perspective where we see the queer action/activism from. Then, who is the elder HE learned everything from? Stephen, the gay white poz uncle of Judy. THEN, who do they frame EVERYTHING around? Madonna, the straight white woman.

Sure we hear about Stephan’s deceased Latino boyfriend and, as I said, Jimmy didn’t have much character to him aside from wearing a fur coat, saying “my black ass,” and helping move Stephan’s character along. He also has one of the few lines that directly addressed qpoc, where he says qpoc are disproportionally affected by AIDS but no one is talking about it. Ironic. It almost rarely addressed PoC throughout the rest of the novel. Heck, it almost never addressed trans characters either. What about the qpoc and trans woc who were foundational to queer rights movements that take place before this book? Sure he name drops Marsha P. Johnson, in passing, on the last page of this 400 page book, but why not mention them in depth even in one section?

Someone asked me, why does the author HAVE to do all of this. Why do they have to representing everyone, like Black trans women. Isn’t that unfair? My answer is no, it’s not unfair in situations like this. This author isn’t writing just a casual romance/friendship story. No, he is heavily touching on so much literal queer history and yet leaving out so many key players that are so often left out because of white-washing that happens in history. He didn’t even have to name these people, but just addressing that they are there as a community. Instead we get two or three throwaway lines about Ball culture after they “went to a ball that one time,” a random line from Jimmy, and a Marsha P. Johnson name drop at the end. It is honestly disappointing.

Even framing everything in the words of Madonna was a bit much for me. Sure, I know of her history and importance to queers so this is one of the more biased parts of this review. I just don’t think we needed several references to her every other page. I then screamed when, not only did we time jump like 20+ years (gays don’t do math, sorry) and the last quote is Lady Gaga! Oh, my god. I won’t linger on the white popstar allies because it’s not worth it. In regards to that time jump, though. It felt unnecessary as well, just trying to tie it all up with a bow. It’s reference to Pulse seemed random, and honestly felt a bit cheap, but so did lots of the things I’ve referenced.

Lastly, why did Art abruptly lick Reza’s lips out of nowhere, or when he was angry it was shown by saying “ and his brow sweats”? Anyway, I’m bummed out. I haven’t been reading as much this year or writing reviews but here I am, writing a novel-sized review basically dragging this book. I liked it enough to finish, and I think it’s important. I know some queer kids reading this will love it and learn from it but I just couldn’t help but realize that right under the surface, this book was sort of a let-down.

Thanks if you read all of this, and also sorry at the same time. Share your thoughts!

#this is a pretty blah review - the book was just a bit disappointing #2019 #Like a Love Story #abdi nazemian #the boy who cried books #3/5 #review

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ginnyzero · 4 years

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The Glue Binding the Story Together; Conflict

When I tell people that I'm a writer, there is often a very common response. The person tells me that they are a) a writer too or b) they have a story they want to write or see written. I can be too polite, and sometimes I'll sit there and let them ramble at me for over an hour about their story or often their vague concept with tons of background research for a story.

Or other times, I'll see posts from writers giving little snippets about where they are in their writing. I have this race character or this gender character or so many types of things of this sexual orientation.

I smile. I nod.

And I think, "That's great you have these things and yes, there may be a market for those things, but do you have a story?"

A book is like a pile of ingredients that mix together to create a yummy cake. Characters, Settings, Message, Theme, Background Research. These are like dry ingredients and that when you mix them together you get a bunch of powder, but not a yummy cake. All books need binding agents to bring them together. Binding agents are things like milk, water, eggs and oil. And the binding agent in a book, the glue, (has two metaphors going now) is conflict.

Conflict is what is at stake in the story. In a murder mystery, we need to find the murderer. In a thriller, there is usually some sort of escape from being chased. In a romance, will the hero ever find true love. There are plot driven conflicts were outside forces act upon the hero, they're accused of something they didn't do. They're in the middle of a war. They're cursed. They have a destiny to save the universe. There are character driven conflicts that come from within and from personality clashes with other characters. These are the characters wants, needs, faults and flaws bringing them to a crisis within themselves or with those around them. The desire to belong, the want to escape a bad situation, the feeling of being wronged or betrayed by someone else, the desire for revenge.

Without conflict, there is nowhere for the story to go. There is no action. There is no beginning, middle and end of what is going on in the book. Showing the conflict, accepting the conflict, the tipping point where something has to give in your climax, the resolution of your conflict, the fall out of said conflict and thus, the end of the book. Conflict is what a book's structure relies on. Conflict is the reason readers root for your characters. Readers want to see the people in their books and media overcome difficult obstacles either against other forces or in themselves.

Many, many amateur writers are adverse to conflict because they don't want bad things to happen to their characters. While at the same time, many professional authors use the same types of conflicts over and over, having the same bad things happen to their characters in every book or series.

But bad things or difficult things are how people and characters grow. Without conflict and adversity, there would be no point in reading the story. It'd in fact, no matter how cool, diverse or well constructed your characters, settings, backgrounds are, the story would be pretty boring if there was no conflict.

It's difficult. I'm a pretty conflict adverse person myself. In my books sometimes the conflicts are pretty low stakes. Or at least, to me they feel low stakes because I wrote the dang things and I know the ending. I also try not to write conflicts where the fate of the entire universe is on the line. (I'm over that in media. I really am.) So, I understand that it can be difficult to put adversity into a story when you want good things to happen.

And I've sat there and tried to kindly explain to people who haven't even started their story yet outside of research and characters that while their idea is interesting, their story has no conflict and have they thought of what opposition that their characters are going to face. Often, I feel this is why the story has never been written. They bluster and try to explain the story they want to write and I have to explain again that their story has to have some sort of stakes, some conflict, someone, somewhere has to be against what the main characters are doing and try to stop them or capture them or fight them. And it's easy to get caught up in the idea that your characters in your books exist in this sort of vacuum where the rules of reality don't apply.

It's difficult to say to people, yes, I get that you want to see yourself in media, that you want representation. It's more important that you have a story first and representation second. There is a world of difference between focusing completely on the representation such as "my story is about a gay lawyer," and having a story that is "My story is about a criminal prosecutor and he's been charged with evidence tampering in a major court case and when he investigates he discovers a conspiracy that will change the world and who happens to be gay." Insert representation race or sexual identity of your choice.

The first says to me that the author (if they also happen to be gay) is so bound up in their sexual identity that it will come first in the writing. That the conflict in the story is the fact that the lawyer is gay. The second says to me that the story comes first and that the author is at peace with their sexual identity (if they happen to be gay) that while it's important it's not the be all and end all of their existence. The conflict to the story is the conspiracy cover up they find themselves embroiled in. The second doesn't detract from the character's sexuality at all. The character is still gay. It's not the total of the story.

Representation is important. In the movie Hidden Figures, there was a story about race. There was a story about gender. The inequality and injustice of both, and those stories were driven by the conflict of trying to get an astronaut into space. It is important that the story of these black female mathematicians and engineers and the first computer programmers were told. It added weight and gravitas to the major conflict of getting the math correct to launch a man into an environment that men really aren't supposed to go into and be able to survive. Their race, their gender were part of the conflict of what was going on at NASA at the time. We need stories like that. The story was more powerful because of those adversities and knowing their contributions made the success of the main conflict, getting a man into space and back successfully, that much more powerful. Without it, there wouldn't have been a story at all.

Let bad or hard things happen to your characters and in your settings. Let there be conflict first!

#writblr #wrtblr #writing advice #writing tips #writing conflict #conflict

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popwasabi · 4 years

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How some stoners named “Harold & Kumar” made Asian Americans proud

Being Asian American can make you feel invisible at times or worst, the butt of every bad joke.

Sure, lots of Americans love Asian things like sushi, kung fu, anime, and tacky calligraphy tattoos that don’t mean what they say they mean but they don’t particularly care about having the people themselves present or even represented.

And typically when we are represented it tends to look like this.

Or this.

(I said what I SAID!)

Now Asian Americans are not by any stretch the most marginalized or even the least represented people in the larger American cultural diaspora, but they’re fairly consistently forgotten or grossly stereotyped in our media regardless and this has larger consequences. Representation is important because it makes a people’s presence known to the larger majority.

Our pop culture has unfortunately played a role in erasing, appropriating, and misrepresenting Asian folk. An action movie may feature a white actor with extreme martial arts skills fighting in Hong Kong but might not have a single prominent Asian voice throughout the plot and those that do are typically gross caricatures. The Cyberpunk genre loves Asian aesthetics from its Tokyo inspired neon lighting, futurist cityscape, and ramen carts abound but boy, is the populace typically dominantly white.

(I love this movie but considering how many Asian things and aesthetic choices there are in it would it have killed Denis Villeneuve to have at least ONE background Asian person??)

It’s not shocking then that 2004’s stoner comedy classic “Harold & Kumar” starts with a pair of white dudes beginning their own adventure by leaving one of the titular heroes in the dust to do their dirty work because “Asians love math” or something. Despite not being a stoner, at the time at least, I related hard to this movie and its characters as the film touched on a number of triggers I had growing up.

2004 was a formative year for me as an Asian American. For the first time ever, my history classes were touching on Asian culture with discussions on Japanese feudalism which awakened a deep sense of pride I didn’t know I had at the time. I was watching NHK samurai dramas about Miyamoto Musashi and later the Shinsengumi which led to me begin training in kendo. Anime had suddenly become more mainstream with the premiere of Shonen Jump and pirated subtitled anime littering all of YouTube. But more importantly, and distressingly, I became more aware of my identity because it was increasingly getting called out as I was getting older.

I’ve been labeled a number of different pejoratives growing up through my teens.

“Nerd.”

“Weirdo.”

“Loser”

But none cut deeper than “Chinese boy.”

I’m not Chinese, of course, in fact I’m half white and half Japanese but try telling the various ignorant lunkheads I knew growing up to respect and differentiate between them all. Hell, better yet tell them I’m just as American as they are too.

Being labeled “Chinese” hit a very personal chord with me. To lots of Americans, unfortunately, we’re all “Chinese” and the various qualities that make each of our cultures unique are inconsequential to them. We AAPI’s all individually take a measure of pride in those unique qualities and to have it all sequestered under a blanket “Chinese” label was beyond insulting.

(And I don’t care what you tell me or how much you hate China’s government, this is a THOUSAND percent a dog whistle.)

For Asian Americans, there have been various ways one reacts to these insults. Some of course, who learned confidence at a younger age, would shrug it off or ignore it, some would outright resent it but for me at least it only made me dig my heels in deeper. Yeah, I’m Asian, so fuck you!

That energy is deep “Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle” as these two Asian American characters not only navigate a crazy night of searching for an open White Castle to satisfy their stoner cravings but also confront various microaggressions from outside and within the Asian community.

Harold, of course, struggles with his confidence. He can’t stand up for himself when the aforementioned two white bros from the start of the film saddle him with extra work. He laments doing the typical Asian thing of being too passive when confronted by authority. He can’t find the will to ask the girl next door out because again he sees himself as an impotent Asian guy unwilling to make the first move. The whole movie he struggles with his inner feelings because he’s been taught and programmed to a certain extent to be timid because that’s the Asian identity.

Meanwhile, Kumar’s character is about resisting conformity to those same stereotypes but in the worst ways. He co-opts black and hip-hop culture as seen in his messy apartment room. He fights his dad who is forcing him to take his doctor's exam, something he doesn’t want. Generational pressure is common in all cultures but it’s an entirely different animal when it comes to the Asian upbringing. Kumar embodies this resist from beginning to the end of the film and though he does decide to take the test, it’s important that he chooses to do it, not his dad, and certainly not because he’s Indian. He decides that choosing to be a great doctor doesn’t mean he is becoming a stereotype because his identity is not just about being Asian.

(Every Asian kid has heard their parent make an unintentional innuendo.)

Harold and Kumar’s differing approaches create a charming pair for the film to bounce off as Kumar’s brashness often lands them in trouble and Harold’s timid demure keeps them down in its own way and the two finally come together when Kumar learns to understand the difference between conformity and choice and Harold learns conformity doesn’t define him.

Both characters confront all kinds of microaggressions against their identity throughout the film. Cops making fun of their names. The extreme sports bros making every racist joke every Asian kid has every heard growing up at them. All Asian Americans have grown up wanting to deliver the perfect comeback or “fuck you” moment against these types of people and when our heroes triumph and put them all in their place there is undeniable catharsis as it happens for everyone who has seen this movie.

youtube

(Seriously, there isn’t a more satisfying good triumphing over evil moment in film for me than the conclusion of this particular plot.)

The movie confronts stereotypes in more ways than one though. Throughout the movie Harold and Kumar are confronted by a situation that makes them think it’ll go one direction but ends up (usually comedically) the opposite. Harold and Kumar try to hook up with two beautiful transfer students who turn out to have horrible bowel issues. Harold is reluctant to go to the Asian American club party because even he believes in his own ethnic stereotypes of them but it turns out it’s a banger of a party with plenty of weed to boot. Harold and Kumar are picked up by a lonesome, disfigured tow truck driver and are shocked to find he’s married to a beautiful woman. And the aforementioned extreme sports bros turn out to love cheesy pop music and romantic songs.

Basically, the whole movie is about giving a big middle finger to all our preconceived notions we have about identity and it's brilliant.

(Nothing wrong with cheesy pop music, of course.)

“Harold & Kumar” is great for other reasons too. John Cho and Kal Penn still play greatly off each other. There’s plenty of great one-liners sprinkled between each scene. The entire journey to find White Castle burgers in the middle of the night is a fairly genius premise for a stoner comedy still. And Neil Patrick Harris playing “himself” is still iconic.

Parts of the movie haven’t aged, well of course. There’s some bad gross-out humor, some lazy gay panic jokes and not to mention some sexist quips that don’t land well in 2020. Also, let’s just not talk about the sequels.

youtube

(I still find this scene amusing though.)

That said, “Harold & Kumar’s” first film in this munchie saga is not only a grade-A stoner flick but simply one of the best films ever when it comes to bringing that much needed representation of the time to Asian Americans. Watching Harold & Kumar stick it to their annoying white antagonists while delivering a “fuck you” to every racist joke I ever heard growing up is still cathartic as hell and made me feel proud to be Asian American during a turbulent time for myself growing up.

Though it’s not Masterpiece Theater by any stretch, Harold & Kumar will always hold a special place in my heart and remains forever “high” on my list of favorite movies of all-time.

Happy 4/20, y’all!

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willel · 5 years

Text

Season 3 Review

TLDR; I’ve only watched it once so far. My opinions are relatively positive, but I did have this... weird feeling like something more was meant to happen but didn’t.

The Review:

Here’s the order I will go in. Plot review, and then character by character review. For the characters, I’ll try to put the shorter reviews on top. Don’t expect a perfect review, these are my free flowing thoughts.

Plot:

Plot was ok? I’m going over it in my head right now and there’s nothing in particular I didn’t like. Like last season, maybe they could’ve spent more time on other characters and relationships? Relationships that REALLY needed it? The flow of the story moved at a decent pace. I didn’t really feel like it was dragging at any parts.

I know this will be an unpopular opinion, but they just have way too many characters. When you have this many characters, you spread your story thin. It happens every single time. Why do writers never learn from this? The more you add, the more time you have to give them, time you don’t have?

But now it’s too late. Maybe some of these characters can fall back into the background? (Such as Robin, who I didn’t mind really)

As for how everything resolved, it was ok I suppose. The Mind Flayer? He was cunning, sure. But not nearly as cunning as the fandom dreamed him up to be, and I preferred the fandom interpretation. For a while we’ve all been predicting the Mind Flayer wouldn’t immediately go for El. He’d go for her friends and family, or Will’s friends and family, or Will again and then make it’s way to her. It’d make his beef with her very personal. Like take Mike. Or Hopper. Someone she’d least likely expect.

But no, it was taking random victims from town, or people El already didn’t like or know. (which by the way, I feel sorry for those poor people. Some were just children. Tsk)

Things could’ve gotten so much more cunning and creepy. Like they’d all be questioning if they’d been infiltrated by the MInd Flayer and someone in the Party wasn’t on their team or something. I dunno. Something.

As for how everything wrapped up, I don’t think Hopper is dead for one. Joyce was breaking down and assumed he was dead, but was she actually looking at his crispy body, or just an empty spot? If it’s empty, why do I feel like he escaped into the portal or hid somehow? Huh

And the very end?? As predicted, the Byers are moving away. I know before the season released the big theory was Will and El would be kidnapped, but after we got a still of Jonathan caressing Nancy’s face (they both looked to be crying), the shot of The Party biking away from the Byers empty house... I dunno. Something was off. Would Joyce still move if they were gone? I mean surely she would’ve stuck around Hopper to get help in finding their kids, and I highly doubt Hopper was gonna move anywhere.

I remember a very long time ago, Noah mentioned something about characters coming together, but not in the way he expected. And more recently, he said something happens at the end of season 3 that will give him and El more screen time next season.

This leads me to 2 conclusions. All that Byers fluff I wanted is next season... AND SO IS ALL THE EL AND WILL I WANTED.

But... I feel like there was so much opportunity to put some stuff in THIS season, you know? So, I’m kinda conflicted right now. I look forward to it next season, but I also feel it could’ve fit in this season 2.

CG looked good. Better than I was expecting. So good job folks. My biggest takeaway is simply too many characters. There just is.

So, onto the characters!

-----------------------------------

Characters

Erica: Very happy with how this turned out. We’ve already got black nerd rep with Lucas, but now his little sister too? So rare to see in media to be honest. It would be so cute if she joins The Party for DnD games. Not as a main maybe, but the person to go to for math.

Robin: You know, I’m glad it took the turn it did, with her being gay and all. I’m glad they aren’t trying to pair every single person under the sun. I think it’s good that Steve found someone that gets him, but that is truly just his friend that happens to be a girl. That said, I don’t know what there would be for her to do in future seasons, you know? Like, maybe she serves a role similar to Mr. Clarke where she can crack some code or something. But as a character? There’s no where for her to go, you know? And that’s not a bad thing! I think she can totally work as a supporting character. (though I feel conflict with that too. Cause she’s LGBT representation and we’re kinda imbalanced with the cast if you know what I mean)

Steve: I was fully expecting them to turn Steve into a complete goof and lean in too hard on the meme. They still kinda did, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. His doucher side still popped out now and then. Some scenes with Robin I liked (the bathroom discussion). Other times they spent WAY too much focus on his story (the “do you remember ms. Clicker” and “ooo the ceiling is wavy”). That said.... I feel like Steve’s character has also been mostly resolved? Where does his character go from here? Maybe he’ll get a girlfriend, but like Dustin’s girlfriend, I don’t find it necessary to focus on or anything. He’s got a friend his age now, still friends with Dustin. If there weren’t so many Steve fans, I feel like it’d be a natural progression to have Steve fall back a little too. (but I doubt that’s going to happen.)

Dustin: Dustin. Mmm. Dustin. I always feel like I have so little to say about Dustin. Not because I dislike him, but hey. We all have our favorites, right? I’m glad he took Erica under her wing and showed her it’s ok to be a nerd.... SD THAT HE BROTHER COULD’VE HAVE DONE THAT, but I digress I digress. Sometimes, your sibling isn’t the one to show you the way. It’s cool that he got a girlfriend I guess, so he actually wasn’t upset about Max and Lucas at all. He basically had similar feelings to Will, but less angry and intense. Was not interesting in the whole singing situation, but it was nice to have a comedic comeback with Lucas and Max teasing him.

Lucas: Lucas, my other son. He served the role I thought he would this season. The love doctor, trying his best to set his bestie on the right path. I mean, I guess his advice was sound, but El isn’t Max. His and Max more toned down relationship is how I feel like 14 year old romances should be. Teasing each other. Teasing mutual friends. Playing around. Hugs. They’re sweet. Wish we’d gotten more time of them talking about stuff going on though. I thought Max and Lucas would kinda work together to give their friends some space and give them time to think or something. Not Lucas actively working to get them back together and Max almost doing the opposite. I’m so happy that he was trying to apologize to Will about the dnd campaign. Will insisted he didn’t care anymore, but I bet he still appreciated Lucas bringing it up and saying it was a good campaign. What a good friend. So cute that they worked on the fireworks together. AND THE SEASON STAPLE HAPPENED, THEY HUGGED! YES. AND LUCAS WAS ACTION MAN, CUTTING EL FREE OF THE BEAST

Max: Max was definitely out of have fun this season. I’m glad she made a new bestie and they got along great. Though I do think Max could’ve approached the “you should be more independent” situation more gently (because El will take it all literally and do stuff word for word), it is what it is. The end result was positive. I’m glad Max called Mike out on being a little too controlling/protective, but you would’ve thought the others would’ve said something sooner? I guess Will tried but we all know how that went. Lucas poked fun at him, but didn’t really push for change. So, it’d make sense for Max to be the one to do it I guess. El had to make things change, not Mike. What I did not like this season was Max on multiple occasions trying to get through to Billy? We saw what their relationship was last season. Toxic as all hell. I’m sure Max wouldn’t want Billy to die or get morally wounded or involved in the supernatural shenanigans but... something was just off about everything. Mm.... like... she’s seen what Billy can do. Would she really doubt he did something bad that hard? It would have been nice if El had a “I need you to trust me.” line with Max like she did Mike. They’re both in their own way trying to dictate what El should be feeling (Max much less so, but still). Even if Max believed her, would’ve have changed much either way. Moving forward, where can her character go? Maybe some family stuff? Billy’s dead now. Where will Neil’s abuse go? Because, it’s clear he’s always just been a piece of shit.

Mike: Mike wasn’t as cruel as he could’ve potentially been, but he certainly was a little shit sometimes. His love and affection for El was clearly becoming an obsession. I’m glad he was basically forced to take a step back and had to try and work things out. El gave him virtually no pity or reward until she felt like he earned it. And the whole thing with Will? Ooof. What were you thinking Mike? Will obviously put a shit ton of work into his campaign and then you treated it like a joke the entire time and didn’t realize you were being a butt until Will finally had enough. Mike has always been very emotional and hot headed. He easily gets tunneled visioned too. But you know, despite liking girls and being with a girl, Mike Wheeler is still Mike Wheeler, a nerd who doesn’t know how to deal with girls really. I’m sure by the next time we see him, he’ll be much better.

Hopper: Hopper??? He was.... basically a dick the whole season. While I didn’t mind he was being the “leave enough room for jesus” trope he had going on, threatening Mike and making him lie to El was just.... what the heck are you doing Hopper? You’re really going to risk your relationship with El and Mike because you don’t like that they’re kissing so much? I get that you miss spending time with your brand new daughter, but I’m sure eventually all those butterflies would calm down and you could have your father and daughter times again. He should’ve swallowed his pride and did what Joyce said. And then Joyce? Omg Hopper please. She lots the man she was potentially going to marry and move away with less than a year ago. I know you’re horny, but please have a little class? I don’t hate Hopper, but man. He was WAY out of line sometimes. And I probably only feel this way because Joyce essentially told him “Screw you” multiple times. I can see why Joyce was hesitant to jump into a relationship with Hopper. He does share a few qualities of Lonnie. Don’t get me wrong, not NEARLY as toxic. But Joyce spend the whole season arguing with him like she did her ex husband. That can’t feel good, you know? Hopper needed to be better. He needed more time. Buttttt, unfortuntelyyyyy, time that could’ve been used for that.... wasn’t used for that. As for his death? To be honest, I won’t be convinced until I see a proper body. But just.... he was so considerate and patient last season with Joyce. What happened? Ooof

Joyce: Joyce. Best mom Joyce. I love her. Always have, always will. She did not take any shit this season from anyone. I can tell she was beyond pissed that Hopper was blowing off her concerns yet again. It was hilarious that she left him alone to yell into the void and was like, “No it’s ok. I’m just gonna borrow these and break into the facility without you.” I wanted soooo much moRE TIME WITH HER SONS. OR WITH EL. What are you doing Duffers? Then again.... when I really think about it, Joyce hasn’t had anything to do except worry about one of her sons in season 1 and season 2. It was a nice change of pace for her. She had her own adventure of sorts and that’s great. That said, I did love the .00002 second clip of her and Jonathan wiping his face. And I love that she was hugging Will so tightly that he actually said, “I’m suffocating.” I also liked that Will and Joyce cried in each other’s arms..... BUT WHAT THE HECK, SOMEONE GIVE EL A HUG PLEASE

Jonathan: I will say Jonathan’s nonchalance toward Nancy’s treatment did not feel quite like him, but I guess I understood his point of view after they were fired. Like, OBVIOUSLY he didn’t like Nancy’s treatment, but I guess the Byers financial situation has gotten so bad he just.... let that stuff slide (Joyce mentioned how Hopper was her first customer and she’s doing nothing but putting clearance labels on all their store products, so her job is definitely not safe) I’m glad we were granted not only the arguments, but also their apologies and whatnot. I feel like it’s in Jonathan’s nature to be skeptical until he’s proven utterly wrong. Not a bad trait to have, just makes him a wee bit hard headed. I was sorely missing Byers bro time. Omg there were so many opportunities to have them not just next to each other, but speaking and stuff? Or worrying about their mom? Or something? What is up with that? Ooof. They said this season was reminiscent of season 1, but I don’t see that at all. Even when Will wasn’t there for most of the season, the Byers still just... had so much???? going for them??? But now? There are no gifsets I can make this seasons of the bros basically. Or of Joyce and Jonathan. Like, nothing. And that’s a shame. (Just that scene of them driving in the car basically) Though, LET ME JUST SAY IT WAS SO BIG BROTHERLY THAT JONATHAN WAS TRYING TO HELP EL BUT WAS UNABLE TO CATCH THE WIGGLY CREATURE. AND TRYING TO PROTECT EL FROM THE WRIGGLY MOUTH TENTACLE. He’s so soft.

Nancy: Nancy had a lot to do this season and that’s great. I wonder now that the two hot dogs holding her back the most in the post are gone if she can finally shine and make a name for herself? Or maybe she’ll follow her mom’s advice and work for a different paper? I’m glad she stood up for herself and followed through with her investigation. Also, it was kinda cute that Mike called for her when the big beast was breaking through the ceiling

Karen: KAREN. I thought I was going to be really mad at you this season, but I’m glad you turned things around. Ted sucks, but he’s not a creep or abusive. If you want a new life Karen, then I hope you do it the proper way. Just divorce him or whatever. But you know what? Karen dragged his ass out to a crowded fair and he actually seemed to be enjoying himself so maybe he just needs a push in the right direction. As for the kids, omg. I’m glad Mike and Nancy finally came to her to cry and talk. Maybe they didn’t tell her everything, but at least they told her something? You know? And she had beautiful sound advice for Nancy. Karen is back in the graces of good moms again.

Will: WIll my boy. I know they said Will would be getting a break this season, but other than his friendships falling apart and feeling like the worst... to me, it was kinda odd how the Mind Flayer didn’t care about Will at all? Will is basically giving away all of the Mind Flayer’s secrets and he doesn’t care at all? Does he not know? Surely the all powerful Mind Flayer can tell... unless it’s not the Mind Flayer piece that’s giving Will this ability to sense him. Like, Will really has a sense evil ability I suppose. Which leads me to WIll’s power. I think this can be considered Will’s power, but I have a problem with the way they implemented it. Will sensed things sure, and could tell the Party if the monster was nearby or something. But... why have Will feel that so late? Wouldn’t this plot point be better implemented by Will feeling the Mind Flayer much much sooner? Or within people when they aren’t acting psycho with black veins? Why have Will say “Oh yeah, something bad is here.” When it’s obvious something bad is here. You know what I mean? I mean, technically he was feeling it before anyone else noticed anything, but not enough time to properly warn them. You know? Maybe this is a matter of practice makes perfect. He needs to work his new muscle to get a faster heads up. But yeah, my prediction in that way was right. His powers would be related to sensing or feeling. In some episodes, there were these various moments where I was sure Will was going to step forward and say something. Or offer El advice or comfort (like when she was diving deep and Flayed Billy was being mean, because he’s seen and felt some shit too), but it never happened. It always fell onto Mike to resolve. And I mean, that’s ok I guess. And typical of him to do so. I was also expecting more people to notice when Will was touching his neck and stuff, but Mike only noticed that one time in the movie and no one else paid attention. Also, it was weird that it took Will so long to notice Nancy and Jonathan’s struggle in the hospital. Side note, Will the Wise had me ROLLING. Will should join the drama club after all. He’s amazing. He should become an actor. On the topic of his sexuality, I have changed my mind on it. While before I was certain he was gay, now I think he’s either gay or aroace. Or both. To be honest, I’m not well versed on the subject, but whether he’s ace or not, I think he’s still gay. As for where his character is going? I hope his BRAND NEW SISTER EL can get him to chill on the “All girls are icky” routine. Pffff. My boy, you don’t gotta romantic like a girl to be friends ya know. Honestly, I can’t believe Will and El only really had 1 conversation on screen. That is BOOTY. P.S, I’m glad there wasn’t a love triangle. It would have been a mess. Lol

El: And nowwwww, to El! El dealt with a lot this season. I remembering mentioning to a friend that everyone demands Will get a break, but never mention El getting a break. She was basically tortured this season. I’ve discussed her a lot in Mike’s section, but to summarize, I’m glad she found her own form of independence this season. She was taking on a little too much Max (like she was with Kali. And before that, Mike), but by the end, you could clearly see she really coming into her own. A little mix of everything with her own self coming through. Now, onto her powers. So, they’ve changed how they work a little. Apparently, El decides who can and can’t see her in the void. That means, the ONLY people who have broken this rule is her mother and Flayed Billy. That whole thing with Will? That’s because she wanted him to hear her at the very least. And also, apparently anyone can talk to El while she’s in that place because she heard Mike like she heard Joyce in season 1. Also, that power to dive into memories wasn’t Terry’s power. Or rather, that’s yet another power El has that her mother has too. At this point, it kinda feels like they’re just piling any ability onto El that fits what they’re trying to do with the plot. It is an interesting choice that she’s lost them for now, but I wonder why exactly. You can still hear when she’s using her power, but nothing happens. Now El can really be a “normal” girl until they reappear (which they’re bound to do). Also, IT IS SO SO AMAZING THAT JOYCE TOOK HER IN AND NOW iT’S A FAMILY OF 4 AND JOYCE IS LEGIT HER MOM OMG. EL HAS A MOM!!! (Ok, she’s always had a mom. But you know what I mean) She’s now living in a house with more people. And although Joyce is a very clingy paranoid parent, she is not clingy and paranoid like Hopper. If there’s a problem, she properly address it with her kids. I think El will really like this new take on family with Joyce.

Other:

Was SO happy to see Bob. I’m glad his memory is alive. Would’ve liked to see Will think about him, but I guess Will had another things going on. Still. Would’ve been nice. Very nice. Also glad to see Dr. Owens for a split second. You know, I really liked that Alexei guy. He turned out to be kinda adorable and was really trying to help. It’s so sad what happened to him honestly. Didn’t care for trying to make Billy sympathetic, but I guess if you’re going to kill him off, you should better understand why he’s suck a dick. I guess. And, it’s quite sad all those people disintegrated into poo. I feel like I already said this.

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Conclusion

Although my feelings have not completely settled, there is one thing that’s clear. I still prefer season 1 and 2. I basically feel like everything I expected to happen this season is actually going to be next season. It’s a weird feeling to have. Makes me feel uncertain. Should I really be looking forward to the promised next season when I felt like this one surely could’ve had more? Know what I mean?

I want to say I should definitely be getting what I want next season. But... I wish it were this season.

As for what’s coming next, well, obviously the Russians are dumb and they opened a gate. And they have an American prisoner. But anyway, I wonder what the Mind Flayer/Demogorgon is going to do next. Track down El? Mmm.... and I guess the US government right now must not be a threat whatsoever. Not with Owens in charge. Mm. El faced no backlash being seen by all those government goons.

Ok that’s it for now. If ya got questions my askbox is open.

#stranger things #spoilers

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incarnateirony · 5 years

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1/ Hey! I was really hit by something you said. Internalized Homophobia is genuinely a thing and something I have experienced myself - which was all levels of terrifying. I don't have a narcissist bone in my body and came around to it pretty quickly and faced it. As a bisexual woman, it was hard for me to come to the grips that I would do that - even unconsciously.

2/ That being said, I wonder why so many of us cling to what representation we have instead of demanding more/better. Or I know that some do, but some people are just fine without. If it wasn’t for you, i wouldn’t have ever realized how horrible those numbers really were. And I don’t want to EVER make that mistake again. So are their easy terms to watch out for when seeing reports that may be misleading…. Like Jess’ often are?3/ Outside of my own research - which how do you even know all this??? youre unfairly crafted for this??? don’t mind me, ill just be over here chilling, wanting to pick your brain. (And now I’m rambling). Anyway, do you have any advice on reading a possibly misleading piece on this particular subject - with all the numbers and maths and shit - and thanks for being you! (Sorry for the long winded messy question, my bad fam)

Hey Nonnie. First of all apologies if I miss like, any part of this because I’m currently dealing with the allergy-born flu of a lifetime and just had the wild tear-streaking adventures of Ears, Nose, and Throat fuckery but this was such an interesting anon I’m gonna TRY to answer it rather than leaving it to sit.

Now the fact with internalized homophobia is it’s a pervasive cultural issue. It’s almost impossible to be completely free of it but in our awareness of that we can start making motions to be better, for ourselves and for others, and change that landscape. The refusal to acknowledge the impact that culture has had on us lends to propagation of the damaging narratives day to day.

It’s not like an invisible gayness nuke went off in each generation that makes gens Y and Z identify more openly LGBT than X and baby boomers. It’s a shift in our dialogue, and our willingness to realize we shouldn’t be fit into a mold that more and more of us realize are literally just constructs of a controlling culture. There’s no giant like, gay mutation hitting these generations. It’s people being more and more prone to explore this within themselves and realize it’s okay, and it’s going to be something through this generation, and the next, until we can completely cast away those shackles.

As for misleading narratives, honestly, almost anybody can spin facts if they’re choosing to only cite partial reports. For example, sure! The CW looks #1 gay! Until you choose not to cite the “must be put into context” part and take a peeksie at what’s on the axing block and why that surge even took place. Anyone using that as a “stop fighting for more” tool is someone to be wary of, for whatever reason, whether they’re LGBT or not.

Also just look for discrepancies in what they’re citing. For example, “anon” sent in that “CW is 16% above the LGBT population of the US”, rather than the actual numbers, that 16% of their characters (at current, not minding the huge bundle that just got canceled with the appended disclaimer by GLAAD) are LGBT. Well, 16% minus 16% equals zero percent, so that would require there being zero percent of people in the US being LGBT. Rather than, within GLAAD’s own report, them citing a specific census that put it at 20% identifying LGBT in that age bracket.

And that’s fine. Conservative estimates are safe estimates to work from before pushing forward into more liberal estimates. It’s a talking point, similar to how Bobo talked about conservative LGBT talking points earning more initial platform in media than hopping straight to the far edge of the pool, even if it’s more of a “necessary evil.” But also look for other studies that are decently credentialed, find other reports, see where the liberal edge of these censuses do lean.

The greatest protection of yourself that you can do is cross-checking on your own time. Don’t trust any one source to give you everything. Do some digging. That’s the best thing you can do. Social media gives us great power to spread information, but at the same time, equal power to spread misinformation or in the very least intentionally skewed information. It’s the literal nature of propaganda. And whether it’s hets or people with subconscious internalized homophobia propelling that information around, it’s a very real thing when it comes to LGBT issues.

As for me, well, I guess I’m “just crafted for this.” Marketing and media is my thing. Numbers tend to be heavily related. Demographics. LGBT studies unto themselves aren’t my personal focus, and I admit that, but it’s adjacent and related and I, as an LGBT individual who endeavors to break free of the cultural marginalization that we aren’t only boxed in, but actually chain ourselves into – it’s at least something I do look into, and I never just look at the now. I look both at the road so far and where that leads us fruitfully ahead. Or unfruitfully, if we aren’t mindful and watchful.

Maybe it’s my inner hermeticist peeking out on that front, too. It’s all about breaking our own shackles and no longer being prisoner to what any culture, or dogma, or propaganda, or god will tell you about where you belong. It’s all a part of the same thing in the end, ne?

Everybody take some lessons from 14.20.

Challenge everything.

I’m serious though just about anyone trying to figure out how to think outside of the box needs to realize what the box is, because it tends to be beyond what you think. Persona 5 is an excellent exercise for you to mindfuck yourselves and start breaking linear culturally induced thought patterns even if it’s painted in a high fantasy spread because you won’t even realize you’re in the box with your cultural dances until you’re getting thrown outside the box.

Or just really, REALLY think of the moral and ramifications of 14.20 on a cultural level.

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tyrus-time · 5 years

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my perspective on TJ’s story (as of 3.13)

Over the past few days, I’ve gone back and forth several times about whether to post my response to, yknow, the Gay Angst. OBVIOUSLY I’m heartbroken, as a Tyrus shipper and someone who is deeply invested in their characters as individuals, to see the two of them hurting. But I know this drama is a plot device and that Tyrus, one way or another, will be endgame.

Currently, I am feeling anxious about how much development we will actually get to see for them... but that’s in the future, and I’m trying to focus on the now.

No, there’s some other stuff that made me feel angry and disappointed and honestly, foolish when I first watched the episode.... I wrote out a rant on my phone, and then I added to it later, and now I’m trying to make some sense out of it... now that I’m calmer (but still sad) about it.

This is a pretty long, critical post, so feel free to keep scrollin!

(I reallyjust need to get this out of my system so I can move on.)

I know some people are actually glad that TJ’s storyline is addressing homophobia, but I gotta be honest with yall: I, personally, am not. I’m honestly devastated that this is the route they took, especially since it still seems the gay themes are mostly subtextual.

As of now, there is a LOT of room for interpretation regarding what is going through TJ’s mind and what Kira’s implied threat was actually implying. I don’t interact with children, like, at all... so I really have no idea how much they’d be picking up on.

And I feel kinda uncomfortable with the show using themes of homophobia/the threat of being outed/etc... just to create drama and conflict between characters? Using homophobia as a plot device in this way, without even beginning to deconstruct homophobia, comes off as semi-exploitative to me?? Which is probably because I’m just so tired of Gayngst, which is really my main issue with this storyline...

I am exhausted of the pattern of gay characters struggling with homophobia (internalized or otherwise) and this then causing them to hurt/betray their (gay) love interests.

Being gay and having relationship angst is one thing. But always having angst related to being gay? It is a well-worn trope that I am do not like.

It’s “realistic,” yes, but it’s frequently been done before — hence the TV tropes page on it.

While it is important to portray the affects of homophobia upon LGBT+ and questioning individuals, there must be a balance!

When Gayngst-y representation is the main representation you see, it feels like that’s the ONLY narrative. You are left with the idea that being LGBT+ means you WILL suffer, that you NEED to struggle with your sexuality/gender because that’s how the identity development process is ‘supposed’ to go. And it shouldn’t have to be that way.

(I speak from personal experience)

This is why I’m so passionate about studying LGBT+ media representation. Media informs us of social norms, scripts, expectations; what is acceptable and what is appropriate; how we’re supposed to think and feel and behave. It’s often very subtle, but all of those images and narratives become internalized and affect how you understand yourself, the world around you, and how you fit in to that world.

Media images shouldn’t just reflect society as it is today; it should offer images of a brighter future.

There’s this resonant quote from the musical Hadestown:

“He could make you see how the world could be, in spite of the way that it is.”

And that’s what I so dearly want to see in LGBT+ representation.

It breaks my heart whenever people say things like, “it’s unrealistic for a young gay teen to be comfortable with their identity.” It truly breaks my heart and makes me want to change the narrative.

We should have stories that should how the world CAN be, not just how it often ‘realistically’ is.

I want to see worlds that AREN’T heteronormative, because I’m hopeful for a future in which we truly do dismantle heterosexism.

I want to see queer relationships that go through the “normal” difficulties of dating someone, such as dealing with typical awkwardness and learning to communicate better... instead of dealing with external and internalized homophobia.

Perhaps I’m asking too much, and shouldn’t be this hopeful in 2019, but I will continue to assert the need for joyful, celebratory queer stories that diverge from the trend of queer tragedy.

And I really was hoping that Andi Mack could show this radical possibility that gay people can just be HAPPY sometimes, but.... this is Disney channel.... So I guess I’m not really surprised, but I am still disappointed.

Disappointed not just because I was hoping for an unashamedly gay character, but also because I could see TJ realistically having little conflict over his gayness. (I made a post about this months ago, and I’ll probably be repeating those points now.)

TJ’s concern about how people perceive him has been well-established, re: the dyscalculia storyline. However, I’ve always had an affinity for the concept that because he cares about Cyrus so deeply, he is able to come to terms with his gayness without as much turmoil as one might expect. I think this concept is even more valid after the gun incident, with TJ standing up to his previous friends in order to do the right thing, and admitting that Cyrus is the best thing in his life.

“But ash, this is just you being a hopeless romantic!” you might say. But wait! I have more evidence!

I now realize just how much I was projecting myself onto TJ in regards to his insecurities, and it really had nothing to do with romance:

I have always had this complex duality of “I don’t care what people think!! I gotta be true to myself” and “Oh my god, I care so much and I’m so socially anxious.” (I bet some of you can relate.)

The thing is... while I feel self-conscious about my transness on a near-daily basis... I’ve been pretty unapologetically queer since I realized that I actually had a gay crush.

Granted, I was already a big ‘ally’ with several LGB friends in a fairly liberal area, and this gay awakening was in high school (not middle school). So TJ wouldn’t have all of that going for him.

But my thought processes (regarding my insecurities) has always been:

If people don’t like me for who I am, then they’re not worth my time...

But if people negatively judge me for my abilities? Game over, I’m an insecure mess. THAT’S what I’m most insecure about: seeming dumb or weak or incapable.

And again, maybe this is just self-indulgent projection, but I think this fits TJ, too.

In S2, TJ clearly is so insecure because he thinks he’s stupid since he struggles with math. And since he’s a jock, perhaps at first he can play off his bad grades with the whole “Oh, I’m a athlete, and getting good grades is for nerds, and I’m cooool” (or whatever rhetoric is used nowadays but middle school boys). BUT having a learning disability is far scarier, because it solidifies (in HIS mind) that there is something inherently wrong with his brain.

I could go on and on, analyzing TJ’s inner psyche, but the point is:

I could see him being insecure about his physical and mental skills such as basketball and math, yet being self-assured of his sexuality.

This would also be a realistic option for his character — in my opinion at least, because my own life experiences align well with this interpretation, and well, that’s gotta count for something because I’m pretty sure I’m a real person, even if my experiences aren’t widely shared?

TLDR; The way that they ended taking TJ’s character is a “realistic” option, but it’s not the option that I would’ve chose — both for personal reasons (personally relating to TJ, and wanting to see Tyrus be happy) AND social reasons (believing that children should be able to see a character who isn’t show to struggle with self-acceptance, especially since we already saw Cyrus be scared of himself for being gay).

This isn’t to take away the validity of anyone who DOES relate to/support TJ’s current arc! This is me just sharing my own perspective (and trying to get the sad feelings out of my system).

My whole approach to media representation is challenging the “good representation” vs “bad representation” binary, because doing so is incredibly counterproductive and oversimplified. Instead, we should be constantly asking “What is the context for this representation? What is valuable about it? What are it’s flaws? How could be possibly do better in the future?” So I can see advantages of this particular storyline, but I also have some criticisms that I believe to be substantiated.

#not even gonna tag bc i feel p vulnerable about sharing this #but i needed to release it into the universe so all this stops swirling in my head #and i do feel better having written it out and sending it away

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