#as a queer person I found some of them funny in the moment but looking back. theyre. not great

[blazinghotfoggynights]

I am so happy for episode 7x4. Why? It has already led to lines of communication about romantic and queer journeys that are not typical.

I see Team!Tuck and Team!Buddie have some members that are not happy with the other and think the other team is delusional or doesn't make sense. Only the members of that show's crew know what is going to happen. For all we know, Buck could meet a third party, fall in love, leave the 118, and go off to happily ever after.

(I so don't want that. But what can a girl do?)

I want to say that as someone who probably has just a teeny bit more of life experience than many people on here and other social media, no I am not sharing my age, I have seen, and experienced, a lot. Remember I mentioned lines of communication opening? They are open now because people are inspired and feel empowered to share their thoughts and experiences.

To Team!Tuck, yes, Team!Buddie is still quite a possibility. How? Did you know you can be so in love with someone you have no idea you are in love with them? Sounds crazy, right? But it can happen. It took many years for me to see that I was head over heels for my best friend. I never considered it. I never looked at him that way. We were just really close and besties.

It took someone asking me if I were stuck on a deserted island and could only have one person there with me, who I would choose. I said his name instead of my then boyfriend's name. I didn’t even think about it. It was reflexive.

The person was staring at me smiling and watching me as I realized what I’d said and then a montage of our friendship played in my mind.

“Oh my god.” That was me.

“Finally figured it out?” That was the other person.

When I thought about it, I compared men to him all the time. The qualities I was most attracted to in my partners up to that point were qualities they shared with him. But it was at that moment, many years into our friendship, that I realized that had been happening.

This leads me to Team!Buddie. Team!Tuck is valid and could very well be endgame. If the writers make Eddie a completely hetero man with no flexibility, Buddie will not happen. However, they have offered a character who is literally an amalgamation of Buck and Eddie as a possible love interest. It is funny to me, because when I look at the Tommy character I see the lovechild of Eddie Diaz and Evan Buckley. Buck picked a man who mirrors him physically but shares a lot with Eddie including military background, quick wit, snarkiness, the willingness to say screw the rules when needed, hobbies, etc.

If Buck knows with no uncertainty that Eddie is not, and will never be, an option, wouldn’t it make sense that a man who is so much like Eddie would catch Buck’s eye?

I will also say that it is not impossible for someone who truly believes they are 100% heterosexual their entire lives to realize one day that may not be the case. How do they realize it? They look at someone of the same sex and have an epiphany.

As a young one who was new to this world, I fell for the rhetoric that sexuality is static and does not change. You were either straight or gay. There was nothing else.

This older, wiser version of me knows the only things you can count on in life are change, surprise, and unpredictability. She is also grateful for those who worked hard to explain that sexuality is a spectrum and give those who never quite found a space a label that finally fit.

She is extremely grateful for the brave people who who have the courage to live out loud and raise their voices in pride so others know maybe one day they can do the same.

I will always have my fingers crossed for Buddie endgame. I’m talking big wedding, tears being shed, vows so sweet everyone requires insulin. You get the picture.

However, I also want to see the two characters who never have happiness or a partner who truly supports them find what Hen/Karen and Athena/Bobby have. If that is with other people, so be it.

One more time, I am going to say major respect for ABC and the show writers for flipping off that network that can go to hell and giving this arc life and to Oliver and Lou for doing what is bound to piss off a lot of people who won't be shy about vocalizing their narrowmindedness.

#911 abc #911 on abc #9 1 1 buddie #buddie #buddie 911 #buck x eddie #eddie x buck #eddie diaz x evan buckley #evan buckley x eddie diaz #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buck/tommy #tommy/buck #911 tuck #oliver stark #ryan guzman

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

WIP Questionnaire

Thanks @buffythevampirelover for the tag! This game looks fun!

Rules: answer as few or as many as you'd like!

1. What was the first part of your wip that you created?

TSP: Lexi was! TSP started out as a school project, and we had to create a character sheet for our first person narrator! That was "Alexia" who is now just "Lexi" (but her full name is still Alexia).

SOTL: The concept! "School for fairy tale characters" was basically it. I got discouraged a bit when I found out this concept already existed, but that didn't mean I couldn't do my own take!

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

My favorite types of intros for TV shows are original theme songs or very catchy instrumental music. 30-60 seconds is a good length. I'd hope that for TSP and SOTL. Hope this isn't a cop-out.

3. Who are your favourite characters you've made? Why?

TSP: My favorite characters to write for are Lexi, Gwen, Akash, Robbie, and Carmen. Lexi because the arc I gave her is an exaggerated version of something that speaks a lot to me. Gwen because I wasn't expecting her to be as interesting as she ended up being planned to be. Robbie and Akash because of how funny and sweet their dynamic is. Yes, I love them separately, but they're a package set. Carmen because she's just so damn interesting I love studying her under a microscope.

SOTL: I am barely into writing it, but it's Jack at the moment. Shocker, he has three chapters while Tierney and Úrsula have one each! But the reason is that he is average at everything, but he doesn't let that get him down! He's funny and relatable and a dork.

4. What other pieces of media do you think would share a fan base for your story?

TSP: Hm, good question. The only thing coming to mind right now is Young Justice (the cartoon). Starts out with this fun group of kids, becomes extremely dark. Ensemble cast. Sneaking around. Superpowers. Fight scenes. Drama.

SOTL: Insert fairy tale retelling here.

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your wip?

TSP: Juggling everything. The world building, I guess. Making all the characters distinct was something I struggled at for a while, but I'm getting much better at it. Trying to figure out how the world works is challenging, but I am having fun. But juggling all the moving parts to make it cohesive is a challenge.

SOTL: What is plot?!! Also battling my ambition to do every fairy tale ever. I'm gonna have to make a lot of background characters that will get their own side stories separate from the main series to get all that I want. I probably will do that.

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

TSP: Yep! Alium has a lot of fantasy creatures, animal hybrids, and fun things I just made up. Custos the dragon is the only truly prominent one right now. He's a blue fire dragon and is adorable. I also have kitsunes. Animal hybrids include unibison, ferretsnakes, cowyotes, beaverducks. Things I made up include the elemental foxes and blue hedgehogs.

SOTL: Hofiwi is an anthropomorphic bear! She was cursed to be anthropomorphic, this is not a normal thing in this world. I love her and she's just planned at the moment. Can't wait to do more.

7. How do your characters get around? (ex: trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

TSP: Hovercrafts, dragons, teleporting, trains, and some other power-based travel

SOTL: I'm still figuring this out no one has gone anywhere yet. Dragons or carriages would be cool. Maybe I can mix them with something modern to fit the setting.

8. What part of your wip are you working on rn?

TSP: World building! Specifically the power database since that will be the backbone for everything.

SOTL: Reading fairy tales... I need to do that more

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe?) of your wip do you think will draw people in?

TSP: Powers, diverse cast, queer/disability rep

SOTL: same as TSP but fairy tales!

10. What are your hopes for your wip?

If I see one (1) fanart between either my life will be complete.

This was fun!

Softly tagging @mk-writes-stuff @jezifster @blind-the-winds @little-peril-stories @sleepywriter00 @mysticstarlightduck @sarahlizziewrites @writernopal @gottestod-writes + anyone who wants to join!

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites - giving a slightly harder nudge than usual cause I really want to see what y'all have to say! Still optional obviously

Blanks below the cut!

1. What was the first part of your wip that you created?

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

3. Who are your favourite characters you've made? Why?

4. What other pieces of media do you think would share a fan base for your story?

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your wip?

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

7. How do your characters get around? (ex: trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

8. What part of your wip are you working on rn?

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe?) of your wip do you think will draw people in?

10. What are your hopes for your wip?

#writing tag game #wip questionnaire #the secret portal #tsp #teaspoon #school of the legends #sotl #writing blog #writers on tumblr #writing community #writers of tumblr #writing on tumblr #writeblr #writeblr community

[kerubimcrepin]

Episode 47 - Indie

It is cute to see that indie is still friends with all the people he met during his adolescence.

Cough-cough. Unlike certain other people.

His and Kerubim's life stories are in direct opposition. If one of them ever spoke of their childhood, chances are, the other one would be like, "You have no parents? Well MINE was controlling so you have it better, WET-NOSE" or "You had a shit parent? WELL, AT LEAST YOU DIDN'T HAVE HIM DIE IN FRONT OF YOU WHEN YOU WERE 5."

No wonder they hate each other's asses.

Though, it is funny how both of them had fathers who had always acted like no matter what they do, they will never be good enough.

It's a shame we hadn't seen these friends of Lou's during the series. They have nice designs, especially the yellow one.

Not a Jurgen-Crepin food moment, but this might be useful for pinpointing which fruits exist within the setting.

Patafiks is so funny to me, like... Guys there are 5.5 characters in the animated shows who are canonically queer in some way. One of them fucking sucks, one of them dies within the 20 minutes of being introduced, the 0.5 of them is Kerubim Crepin's ambiguous gender dysphoria, the normal two are Simone and Julie, and the last one is a dogboy yandere (who briefly dated("dated") Kerubim Crepin).

We live in a society.

Indie talks about Kerubim the same way I talk about him on this blog. We are so alike...

Insert "this bitch always starting shit" meme here.

Even though Ouginaks and Ecaflips both follow the same god, — albeit his different sides, — this perfectly showcases the difference in ideology that makes them hate one another.

While Ecaflips are all about mysticism, destiny, prophetising, and simply letting the current flow, Ouginaks are all about making their destiny.

Though I will be real, considering the things Ecaflip puts his demigods through, — like the, uh, son leaderboard within his dimension, or his treatment of Kerubim, (and his hatred of women, I guess, since there is no daughter leaderboard?) — as well as the Ecaflip City and its Ecaflip Psychward, I think his two personalities are more alike than we are led to believe.

It's just that the kitty personality has more glitz, and is better at masking being just as sadistic.

This line really puts how long they've known each other into perspective. God.

It also makes me think hard about the tendency of Ankama to not make distinct visual designs for characters aging, — like in Waven. Despite 30 years having passed between season 1 of Wakfu, and the start of Waven, characters like Miranda and Kabrok still look exactly the same.

I had always associated young Kerubim's design with the age range of 19-30 at best, but who's to say he can't, in this episode, be in his 40s-50s? How many years did he and Lou live together for? And how large is the gap of that unaccounted for part of Kerubim's life, the one that he never opens up about, after Lou had left him?

...I think I hauve covid.

Y'know what, I think I will be insane for a minute, and say this:

Joris, Atcham, and Kerubim really are like platonic soulmates. It feels like every single thing in their lives somehow rhymes, — like every single step they took simply brought them close to the inevitable conclusion of being together.

Sure, whatever, just tell me things like "Atcham knew, and worked with Julith, and they had a pretty amicable relationship", "Yeah Kerubim and Indie rescued the Ivory Dofus that would one day lead to Joris's birth, and then would lead to his orphanhood", "Yeah Kerubim has always wanted to be a father, and felt a certain way about kids being orphaned the same way he was", "Yeah Atcham and Kerubim went to the same war where Julith and Jahash fell in love and were probably their seconds-in-command."

Tell me that. Expect me to be normal about it. I promise I won't disappoint you.

Anyway,

I always found it very interesting that, despite becoming the Champion of Bonta, it was not Indie who went to that war, but Kerubim.

Perhaps Indie was long happily retired by that point, — perhaps he veered from adventuring into archaeology, for his museum, — while Kerubim was old, with no friends, and not much to live for anymore.

It probably was a self-destruction thing, in the "Atcham, and The Butcher of Brakmar herself, will be there. I'm so bored, and tired... It will be poetic if I defeat them, or die trying to. Then I'll be a legend. Also, there are a lot of people at wars, maybe one of them will be friendly to me :3" way.

World of Twelve heroes are always doing this shit. 💀 though considering he can't die, this isn't even suicidal ideation. It's ideation-ideation. God.

Despite everything, Kerubim does care about Indie, a lot. Indie seems to have cared for him too, — but, at times, I really do wonder if Kerubim's feelings for him ran much deeper than Indie's.

Every sign of genuine emotion is laughed at, and a genuine "I had always respected you" gets a downright haunting "yeah, and your taxidermied head will look nice in my museum when you die".

That must hurt, doesn't it?

It's funny, how life works out. Just like Kerubim, he ended up raising his kid in a completely opposite way than how he was raised. And then he dies, and his kid gets taken in by Kerubim, — who has already taken in the child of his another enemy.

...The implications of Lilotte's life make me sad. Unlike Joris, she didn't grow up in a hazardous, infested, hoarding environment. Indie was likely not mentally ill to the shits. Yet Joris's worst nightmare, — his father passing away, and him being forced to fend for himself, — actually happened to her, immediately ripping away the normal, maybe even privileged, life she had. And it just compounds the sense of loss she already had for her birth parents.

Unlike Joris, who grew up wondering vaguely about his birth family, it seems like much more of a sore spot, with her attachment to her bell...

(Off topic but, god, it's so Bonta-core, that the adoptive daughter of a previous champion of Bonta, who had a museum and was rich, ended up on the streets like a stray. I hate that city so much, it's unreal.)

She uses some pretty dark humor to cope with that. I mean, she already lost two families. No way in hell she's losing a third one. Which kinda harkens back to Kerubim's own backstory, and his own loss of the entire Crepin family, save for Atcham.

I think it's cute that, just like him, — she becomes a mother at some point in her life. Maybe it's because she looked up to Kerubim, who had a similar life story to hers, and that inspired her. Maybe it's just something she wanted, even without thinking of Kerubim's own orphan to dad pipeline.

But either way, it's like poetry — it rhymes.

#ep47 #ro liveblogs dofus #dofus #krosmoz #wakfu

[saintqueer]

I'm sorry you got harassed again just from a simple post with a (imo pretty valid) opinion. If that person is the same that answered your post by reblogging and repplying on their blog with unnecessary hate (apparently queer but a solo louie) then it's the one I just blocked. I love to currate my experience in this fandom. Anyway I just wanted to say, I used to love your posts in this fandom! I lost track of your blog and thought you'd disappeard. I'm glad to see you're still on Tumblr and enjoying other fandoms. I'm well aware of how toxic this fandom can get (between the hets, the solos often queer themselves but hating on queer larries and more, to many groups to count tbh, louis' attitude on social media ect), especially when you dare to voice an opinion, which I'm mostly don't lol. I'm staying for the art, the fics, the great memes and ofc the music and the people. You're "y'all" made me think 'I Hope she still got good times and friends out if it. I made some great friends in the larries bunch myself. Anyway sorry for the rant, I lost track of what was my point here. Just was happy to see you pop on my dash through a mutual and wanted to say so I guess?? So once again thank you for the fun times I had reading your posts back in the days; have a great time out here, enjoying your favs fandoms, you do you! Sending love xx

so i was trying to avoid posting any anons regarding prev fandom discourse but i opened this one and read it through and it was just so amazing i had to respond, not just in tags 🥹🥹

of course, it's lovely to hear that you liked my posts on fandom back in the day etc but what really got me was when you wanted to make sure i still got good times and friends out of it, that nearly made me cry

because YEAH I FUCKING DID 🥺😩🥺🥹🥲

blue ( @wastelandbabyblue ) is literally one of the coolest people i've ever known while also being one of the kindest and funniest. id literally kill to meet her one day in person. i still keep up with brenda and several others i met in her og discord, some of which are the only remaining 1d fandom blogs i still follow here - they are so kind and funny and i still talk to them occasionally in a fandom discord i stayed in because i didn't want to lose touch with them.

and 🥹🥹🥹

i met 8 of who i would consider my closest friends in the whole world through fandom. through the most insane wild and unruly fandom discord drama, i literally located my found family: wedo, nino, iza, katja, olia, hanis, chloe, and su

we talk everyday still even though we live all over the world and we talk about nearly everything except fandom nowadays and they've helped me survive living day to day through some of the worst moments of my life. i don't know what i'd do if i didn't have them in my life

last night, i had a bit of a shame spiral thinking about all the time energy money i devoted to the 1d fandom. i felt embarrassed for being so loud about something that ended in so much disappointment. it wasn't fun and i know it was probably triggered by being involved in some discussions i hadn't been in so long

so when i opened this ask, anon, it reminded me so much that whatever was lost from that time, so much more was gained. the embarrassment of remembering dancing around like a fool with a rainbow flag for someone who couldn't even say something as simple as "look at all those colors" pales in comparison to the lifelong friendship i gained with these 8 beautiful women all across the globe

nothing will ever compare to the people i met and the way they feel closer to family than any of my blood ever felt

i'm glad that you found so much goodness as well and thank you for reminding me that it was all worth it for what i got

#anon

[bonefall]

I wanted to ask something queer because it’s pride month but I can’t think of anything… do you have any queer bb rewrite stuff to talk about?

HERE, have a queer jumble of a bunch of the gay changes in BB;

As far back as DOTC, Thunder Storm was transmasc. His childhood best friend is also his lover; Lightning Cry.

There is a third gender in Clan Culture; Meewa. Gray Wing was Meewa and to this day, the role is associated with parenthood and wisdom.

Bumble and Turtle Heart were mates.

The Clanmew parental terms are decoupled from gender; the Mi is the primary parent, a Ba is a secondary.

For an example; Breezepelt is the Mi of his litters, Harestar and Heathertail were both Ba.

In Clanmew, Harestar had so many Ys in his warrior name (Yywayayiaoyyr) that Breezepelt got the kits to call him Yya.

Bluestar was queer. She had strange relationships with almost everything personal, but the only thing that matters is how much she LOVED her friends and how far she would go for them

The entire Forget-me-not friend group was queer in some ways.

And Bluestar’s friend Rosetail, turns out she's aromantic!

She loves romance, matchmaking, but eventually realized she doesn't like being in one. She just likes the idea a lot.

So of course Thistleclaw was PISSED when his sister claimed Queen’s Rights and adamantly refused to name a father.

She matched up her son Redtail with Runningwind, I like to think she was a very "when am i getting grandkits" kind of mom

Redtail was trans, but also gave birth to his children. That was Sandstorm and Longtail.

Redtail's transness was why Bluestar gave Dustpaw to him, she could see that Dust was working something out and hoped that Red would help

Dustpelt is genderqueer! He doesn't conform to the expectations of toms for his society; construction is largely a molly activity.

One-eye was a legendary builder in her time. It was a high honor when she came out of retirement to mentor him, when she was nearly 20 years old no less!

Cinderpelt was a lesbian, but there wasn't really anyone in the Clan she was interested in. Meh.

I do want to write a little scene where she goes to BloodClan to learn about mobility devices to help Wildfur, and has an AWOOGA moment at Cody

Leafpool and Mothwing are in love with each other, and look forward to every meeting. But they serve their Clans above all. The yearning.

I am very partial to Daisy x Squirrelflight, loooong in the future, after Squirrelflight has found fulfillment in her family and mentorships.

Conversely the untapped potential of Spiderleg x Bramblestar is unmatched. Nightmare husbands, this is the funniest thing I've ever heard of

Heartbreaking! the worst people you know have gotten gay married

Brokenstar and Runningnose were so gay I don't even have words for it, there's homosexual and then there's whatever the hell is going on over there

"My childhood best friend is a manifested curse and I would do anything for him, so I dedicated my whole life to becoming a more ruthless and brutal asset to serve his wants and desires, rejecting the stars and walking into the netherworld with glee, and only finding that it is hell because he isn't there. When you look between us, it's impossible to tell which of us was the monster, and which was the man, and yet I have never made a choice that I wouldn't make again."

Blackstar was aromantic! Russetfur was his lifelong best friend and partner, her death devastated him

He had flings and friends with benefits, though. Specifically, he's homosexual/aromantic.

Russetfur was gay too, I'm not sure if she ever had a wife though

I haven't drawn her yet but I see her as butch. Also she had large eyebrows.

Rowanclaw, honor sired for Newtspeck, was transtom

His apprentice, Talonclaw, survived the mauling because Smokefall did not die in the mountain this time around! They had a summer wedding

Irony struck when Rowan's kid Tigerheart also ended up being trans, but transmolly

Funny coincidence that everyone around Rowan ends up being queer

Tigerheart, who later becomes Heartstar, was in love with Dovewing from the moment they were apprentices on the Beaver Quest, before she even hatched

Dovewing dated Bumblestripe, even choosing him and ThunderClan over the instability of running off with Tigerheart

But when she got pregnant she SKEDADDLED

Lightleap and Shadowsight are biologically Bumble's, but Heartstar adopted them immediately

Heartstar is incredibly smug about this. "My wife. My kids. Cry about it"

Ivypool went through something similar, in a pretty bad relationship with Blossomfall and eventually getting with Fernsong

Only Fernsong is NOT smug, he's an ex-kittypet who joined during ThunderClan's Tempest and BOY HOWDY did he not want to make waves

But now he's dating the deputy's grandchild (thru Lionblaze), has an angry Blossomfall on his ass, and.... it's worth it lmao, have you seen his wife? Marvelous

He is the Mi of the children, this is the life for him

Thriftear and Plumstone are gay

Over in RiverClan, Hawkfrost and Reedwhisker were an item and were going to get serious... but then, well. Hawkfrost went through TNP and ended up dead.

In SkyClan, Violetshine, Dragonfly, and Tree are a polycule

I'm not quite sure what's going on with Echosong, Leafstar, and Billystorm. But Leaf and Billy are together, and I think Leaf has a thing with Echo. But Echo and Billy are not together, and Echo isn't involved with the kittens.

This isn't a queer thing but Sharptooth's wife Cherrytail was spayed. I think Hawkwing and co were surrogated by Echosong, but I'm not sure yet

But I do know that Cherry did not birth those kittens

Over in WindClan, I combined Jake and Sparrow into one character. Tallstar’s Collapse is reworked into Talltail traveling around with him and his group, until ultimately, he realizes it's not that easy to leave his Clan behind

I want to approach it as a tragedy, that he couldn't stay somewhere he was truly loved and happy

He was raising kids with Jake, two orphans they found. One of them followed him, even though he tried to tell him to stay with Jake and his sibling

That kid becomes Flytail, and then Flylight as an honor title

Sunstrike and Furzepelt are gay, and Furze is going to be an AVOS save thanks to Brushblaze, Breezepelt, Harestar, Heathertail, Crowfeather, and two more cats I haven't picked yet

Speaking of Brushblaze, Leo is an ex-BloodClan trader who joined WindClan to be with Onewhisker

It fell apart and he's been bitter about it ever since

Onestar is a disaaaaaaaster

He had a fling with Firestar before Fire realized he was aromantic, and it never would have worked anyway since Firestar was leading a clan

He always had an excuse for why he wasn't doing PDA with Brush, but while he was going through apprenticeship (despite being a qualified adult cat, very frustrating) Onewhisker was seeing Smoke

I kinda just want to remove Onewhisker having Whitetail as a mate entirely, I already fixed the apprenticeship thing but I kinda just like him having someone honor dam for him and he raised Heathertail alone

And lastly, Firestar

Firestar is totally aromantic.

He honor sired Sandstorm's kittens and raised them with her, because she is a deeply reliable friend and ally. They're in a QPR!

There's definitely a couple I missed (toadnettlepool, Sedgecreek x Greenflower) but that's enough for now

#HAPPY PRIDE MONTH #Queer #Better bones au

[huachengeye]

Only Friends: Is accountability a reality for them?

So, here we are, episode 9. We are reaching for the finish line, but the road is still rough and long. Some will get there earlier, and some will need to be dragged there, but in the end, it's about the mistakes we make along the way lmao

Sorry, I had to start this as dramatically as this episode felt for me. Only Friends it's the gift that keeps on giving, and every damn time they GIVE. It's wild how every episode is as strong, sometimes stronger, than the previous one. The characters are great, they evolve little by little (baby steps) and those characters from the first episode are nowhere to be found, which, by the way, I love it.

But I still have a problem with this episode, a problem that I hope will be developed in the next ones, but that, as of now, is lowkey pissing me off. Fortunately enough, I'm not the only that is bothered by this. So let's break down my rumble into parts. First, let's start with the easy, comfortable part: SandNick's friendship.

If you never looked at your friend and thought "What if we kissed?" are you really friends?

This was groundbreaking for me. It's so realistic and so fun!! I was literally giggling and kicking my feet, which was a first in this series lmao. I love the kiss, the thought process before it, the laughing after it, the clear understanding that there weren't any romantic sparks from it, and the choice to go to cuddle after. Everything about this scene is really special and heartwarming for me. This is the friendship that I'm here for, my second-option boys.

I love how P'Jojo really pays attention to every detail of a queer relationship. I saw my own friendships in this moment of Sand and Nick, and I never saw my friendships as being queer. I come from a culture where hooking up is really normal, even if it is between (best) friends. I lost count of how many times I've gone to parties where my friends would just hook up, and sometimes that got messy, but most of it was just simple. Two people (sometimes, maybe, three) kissing and sharing a moment of happiness with each other. We have a saying in my country (maybe not a saying but anyways) "(hooking up) strengthens a friendship", and that might be from the fact that we, like the characters from OF, are a bit horny, but also because touching is a very big part of how we show affection and love.

I've never, at least as far as I knew, had a queer relationship with someone else. Not like the ones I'm seeing in this show. Heck, I only fully understood my own queerness a couple years ago, although liking people from different genders was always a part of myself, I just never really cared or gave much thought about it. But the friendships I had were all very hetero in my point of view, most of the time it was about girls hooking up with guys and only hooking up with other girls when there was drinking involved - never boys with boys. Funny enough, now that I'm not friends with those people anymore, I think what we had was queer in a way. The way our love-giving culture works is queer in some way.

(I promise I'm making a connection here, and I'll circle back to Sand and Nick in a second)

I've only started to study queerness and to feel my own queerness a couple years ago, as I said. I still don't have quite the knowledge to explain what queerness is, but for me, it's about everything that falls outside of the so-called normal. In today's society, normality is for there to be romantic touches only between people from different genders, and only with the intent of having a romantic relationship with that person. Friends being close to each other, in a way that romantic partners would be, is weird. And it's weirder when they are from the same gender, especially if they are two boys.

My experience with my girl friends was always simple, we liked to be close to each other, to give hands, to share small touches, to be connected in some sense. I feel that this is more accepted by society as a whole, maybe this is even mocked a bit because girls are a joke all around in this pathetic patriarchal society. But when it's two guys (or two perceived guys) being touchy touchy with each other, that's a no-no. And that's where my guy friends (and men in my country, as far as the ones I was around) differ. They are still very led by machismo, but it was always so common for me to see my friends joking around about wanting to date each other, sharing hugs, and sometimes kisses (no more than a peck, and honestly I gave them a curious side eye at those times), but even they had a very strong camaraderie that really was a mirror of my own relationships with my girl friends. The same goes for my friendships with my guy friends, we were queer in the sense that we engaged with each other, not with a romantic mindset (there were times when that got messy) but just as two friends that care for each other, and that strengthen their friendship through kisses sometimes.

That's Nick and Sand for me. Their decision to kiss was not just because they wanted love, wanted to give love, but it was a hopeful shot at maybe sparking romantic feelings between them. It was a hopeful shot at finding someone that they knew would love and care for them back, romantically. It didn't work, and it wasn't sad or awkward, it was fun and happy. It was two people sharing love with each other and building community, building trust, and honest love. And the cuddling afterward was the cherry on top, it brought it all together and tied in a pretty bow. The first time I heard about queerplatonic relationships was in 2020, I think, it was a groundbreaking discovery for me, as it gave me the answers about what connections I craved. For me, Sand and Nick is the first representation of a queerplatonic friendship I have seen since then, and it's making me emotional lol.

I'm not even going to mention them calling each other "team second option", that was pure gold. Have a friend who jokes about your love life (and theirs) with you. Get you a friend that you can be both delusional and realistic with.

(if you want another interpretation of the queerplatonic relationship between Sand and Nick I suggest @wen-kexing-apologist post. I took the photo of SandNick's kiss from this post btw, so thanks :)

Did I just ramble about my past friendships as if this is about my life and not about Only Friends? Yes, I did. Thank you Only Friends for making me dive into my own emotional mess, always a pleasure.

I'm still not ready to bring my rage and disappointment to the table, so let's talk a bit more about the parts I really enjoyed in this episode - aka, Top's development, Mew's mothers, Nick's goodbye to Boston, and Mew finally getting out of his little cave and going to touch some grass.

Let's start with Top. Where is that character from the first episode that was SURE he would get whatever he wanted? I was waiting for this moment, and it's finally here.

I was not surprised by Top's choices in this episode, actually, I was elated about his development. If he was the old Top he would've shown Mew the video of SandRay's kiss right after it happened. I knew he wouldn't, he was definitely thinking about it, but for once he thought about how his actions would affect Mew. And this episode showed us a bit more about Top's own problems.

I don't know if I talked here about the scene where Top was thinking back about his moments with Mew, and about how those moments were REALLY different from the ones we saw from Mew's POV. Top's point of view was really sad for me, at that moment, through Mew's eyes, we saw them having fun at the silent club, dancing together, but through Top's eyes, it was as if he was already grieving Mew's absence. It made me think about his choice to bring Mew to that particular place. At first, I thought it was a fucked up thing to bring his current boyfriend to a place he went with his previous boyfriends/hookups, but after the flashback, I got a different perspective of it.

Top actively chose a place where they would be together but at the same time alone. They were listening to music as if they were alone, there was a sense of disconnection between them at the moment. I mean, why would you take someone, that you want to be close with, to a place where you will be enjoying the moment in a separate way? Now, it feels as if Top was trying to be in Mew's life but not necessarily opening himself up for Mew. I mean, there were only two times we saw Top's raw self, when Mew revealed that he knew about him and Boston, and when Mew saw Top with his pills. The second time, Top told us a very personal thing about himself, he opened up about a big trauma of his and then brushed it off.

In this episode, we see him reaching for his pills again, head too full because he know holds in his hand something that could've ruin Mew's relationship with Ray, something that would've been his revenge against Ray for exposing him and Boston, when he is no better than them. He reaches for his pills, places a few in his hands, and puts them back because he doesn't want to do it. Top then calls for someone, probably Boeing, asking for the person to come see him because he can't sleep and doesn't want to use the pills anymore. We can view this in a few ways, it can be that he doesn't want to turn back to his old methods, or it can be that he doesn't want to run away from his traumas and problems anymore. I believe in both those things. Top is the first one of the hurricane trio (Top, Boston, Ray) to actually take action and start to change.

The end of the episode makes us think that Top didn't change, because who the hell invites his ex to his place whilst trying to get back with his other ex? But I really think Top did change, and that whatever Boeing went to do in his place wasn't sexual at all. My theory right now is that Boeing knows about Top's insomnia and trauma, he might be the only one that knows other than Mew. And I think they are just friends (maybe Boeing wants to get back with him, maybe not, but I think Top doesn't want that), because if they had broken things off in a bad way, why would Top keep the little plane Boeing gave him? If Top was like Boston made him out to be, a player that doesn't do long-term relationships, wouldn't he have disposed of the things his ex gave him? If my theory is right, this will be the first time we see Top with someone he considers a friend, and I believe we will be seeing a whole other side of him because of it.

Top chose to keep the video to himself, he chose to not be the one at the top, to not have the last word in this situation. For me, that shows that he really cares for Mew, and cares enough not to make Mew go through the shame of having proof that his boyfriend is cheating on him. Yet, he still gave Mew pieces of advice and asked Mew to think if Ray really only loves him. He planted doubt in Mew's mind, but it was for Mew to keep his eyes open, that way he wouldn't have to actually show Mew proof and make Mew see with his own eyes.

I saw some people bringing up the possibility that he is doing the "long game" (yes, this is a Girl Meets World reference) and that's why he chose not to show Mew, but honestly what in all of his actions shows that he wants to do the long game? He doesn't let Mew go a day without him showing up like a ghost (which btw is really bothering me, like, now your place, give him space), even when it was Mew's day with his mothers, the one day it was clear he wanted just for him and his mothers. This is the one big thing right now that I want to be acknowledged by the series, the amount of boundaries that are crossed, not only with Top, makes me SO mad.

But I have to admit, Top is growing on me right now, but it all depends on how he will deal with the whole "Mew-Boeing" situation and if he will actually respect Mew's boundaries from now on.

Goodbye, Ton.

First off, before this, I need y'all to read this post by @lurkingshan, she makes a great analysis of this Nick and Boston moment.

But this was such a powerful scene for this couple, the most powerful in my opinion. We finally see a side of Nick that we had never seen. From the get-go, Nick was just after Boston. From the moment Boston went to get his phone fixed, Nick was interested in Boston, almost in a stalker way (I'm sorry but I'll never get over the fact Nick went through Boston's phone to masturbate to one of his photos, that won't ever sit with me). Until this moment, Nick was nothing more than in love with Boston for me. I didn't feel like he had a strong personality outside of his relationship with Boston, but woah, this episode really showed me otherwise. I'm now on the same side of the people who think Nick is a cutie who deserves happiness.

In this episode, Nick truly acknowledges that Boston is not the amazing person he keeps on trying to convince himself he is. He does it on his trip with Sand when he asks himself why he falls for "bad guys". At the same moment, he makes peace with the fact that he was Boston's second option, a huge change from his last conversation with Sand when he says that maybe one day Boston would love him. I was so happy with this development, and not even when Nick, in his goodbye to Boston, said to Boston that Boston should stay the way he is because he is loved for who he is (let's not lie now, dear Nick), made me less happy. And our boy is moving on!!! And with a Daddy too, look at you go Nick omg.

Another thing I want to point out about Nick in this episode is how aware he is of people being interested in him. Throughout the series, I only saw Nick as being insecure about himself, and he really was, we even saw him trying to act more like Top, going to the gym and dressing up (a behavior that he shares with Mew). And throughout the whole series, I saw a bunch of people treating him as if he is completely incapable of taking care of himself as if he was the lamb being manipulated by the big bad wolf Boston. When he said that he knows Boston is not the best guy around (not exactly with this wording lmao), it made it very clear that his not innocent (I mean, he masturbated to a photo of a guy he didn't know, a client, did y'all really think he was innocent????). But this episode made it extra clear, he immediately clocked Dan's intentions, and he wasn't taken back or shy about it, he was flirting back (the same way he did flirted back with Boston at the beginning). These people are in college, they are not innocent in any way anymore, innocence is not in sight in this BL, at least not when it comes to relationships.

So, go Nick!! Hook up with your Daddy (you kink bunch), and have lots of kisses with him before hurricane Boston comes back to your life because he will and I'll be sat for it.

THE MOTHERS HAVE ARRIVED!!!

I was so excited for these two to be introduced, and this was the perfect timing. The way they immediately saw that something was off with Mew like they barely walked in and alarms were sounding in their heads. Finally, a parent figure that is parenting, missed those.

I think this was a really important moment for Mew to have right now. After this encounter with him and his mothers, Mew started to get back to himself. I remember that Mew's mothers were his inspiration, they are his ideal view on relationships, so I'm sure their presence made him remember that what he is doing right now is not what he wants for himself. Also, I think he just needed to have a good influence close to him.

The mothers didn't realize the uncomfortable vibe between Mew and Top, but I forgive them for it because they don't really know. I need more of them. I need more of the older lesbian couple, I need more of older queer couples to advise these youngsters (if I told y'all that I'm probably younger than them, would y'all believe it?)

BRING THIS MAN HIS GLASSES, HE IS BACK!

No one in this episode was as honest as Mew. I loved Nick's emotional speech. I loved Sand being open about his feelings about Ray. But Mew takes the cake for me, and it's not because he is my favorite.

Mew literally went after everyone he wronged here. He is apologizing, and taking responsibility for his actions, and he is the one who is reaching out. The first one he went to make peace with was Ray, loved that. I love that he said out loud that the reason he was with Ray was to hurt Top. Mew didn't try to bullshit, he was honest and clear with Ray. And I love that they said "I love you" to each other, for the first time (for Ray) in a non-romantic sense, just pure friendship love. I also love that they joked around afterward. I didn't love the way Ray didn't take accountability for his behavior, but I will talk about it later.

Then Mew went to Cheum, which, by the way, he was the only one to go and talk to Cheum after that mess of a party. He opens the conversation by saying that he went to apologize, then he looks at the faces of everyone who was saying he was being manipulated and said

I wasn't possessed by a ghost. I was just lost. I want you to understand that what happened to me affected my self-confidence so much. I just thought if I became someone else, I'd be stronger.

Yes, he behaved like a lot of people behave when they have their first heartbreak. Thank you P'Jojo for always getting it right.

This also confirms the theories around Mew trying to be someone else, mimicking someone else (in this case I really think he was a mix of Ray, Top, and Boston) because he was lost and hurt. I really hope he starts to work on his self-love and own his confidence. My baby deserves happiness :(

Are you happy? Well, that's over! Brace yourself because I'm coming back to write about him, my nemesis as of right now: Ray. I'll probably make a post only for him, so when that's done I'll link it here :)

#ofts #only friends spoilers #only friends #only friends the series #ofts meta #ofts analysis #only friends analysis #amidst the mess #there is hope #look at these babies they are getting there

[he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle]

2023 Year in Review

In celebration of the coming New Year, I decided to do a re-watch of every drama I gave 3 or more stars in 2023. Only 15 made the cut, which given the number of dramas I watched (I started well over 200, although I dropped at least a third of those) is not that many.

(My rating system is pretty simple: 1 ⭐ = terrible/don't recommend/waste of time, 2 ⭐⭐ = pretty good/enjoyable/would recommend to others but probably never re-watch, 3 ⭐⭐⭐ = good/likely to re-watch, 4 ⭐⭐⭐⭐ = practically perfect/would re-watch frequently. As you can see, it's more about what I personally enjoy than what's objectively great. So some objectively good shows aren't on this list, like La Pluie or Wedding Plan or Our Dating Sim or Doctor Cha or King the Land or Call it Love, because they got a lower score from me because I'm not that likely to ever re-watch them even though I'm glad I watched them and I'll happily recommend them to others. Of course, my ratings are subject to change over time too because I often surprise myself with what I re-watch. Some shows that I originally gave 2.5 stars have eeked out 3.5 stars over the following year or two just because they grew on me and I kept re-watching them.)

As such, my plan to ring in the New Year is to re-watch:

Lost/Human Disqualification - ⭐⭐⭐/⭐ - (IQIYI/Amazon Prime, kdrama, slice of life, healing journey, slight romance, a 42yo woman pushed to the breaking point by life crosses paths with a 27yo man who is mourning the loss of his friend, outstanding dialog, killer A+ acting, tw: infidelity, miscarriage, and suicide BUT DON'T LET THAT SCARE YOU AWAY)

Hit The Spot ⭐⭐⭐ (Viki, kdrama, romcom, 2 women begin hosting a sex advice podcast, funny, sex positive education, extraordinarily relatable, high heat, 8 30min eps)

The Glory ⭐⭐⭐/⭐ (Netflix, kdrama, 36yo woman patiently takes revenge on her childhood bullies, slight romance, incredible dialog, A+ acting, excellent pacing and powerful reveals, tw: the highschool bullies are evil little sociopaths who do some extremely horrific shit)

The Eighth Sense ⭐⭐⭐/⭐ (Viki, gay romance, kdrama, incoming freshman who is a rural-transplant to Seoul meets exiting senior and joins his surf club, gorgeous production, healing past trauma, A+ acting and insanely believable physical chemistry, good OST)

Love Tractor ⭐⭐⭐ (IQIYI, gay, short kbl, big city law student with musical ambitions hides from his responsibilities in the countryside and meets a younger himbo farmer with a heart of gold)

Sing My Crush ⭐⭐⭐/⭐ (IQIYI, kBL, a talented but heartbroken young man is about to give up on his musical dreams when he is adopted by an eager wannabe manager, best friends to lovers, cohabitation, pining, good plot and chemistry)

Moonlight Chicken ⭐⭐⭐⭐ (YouTube, Thai, gay romance + BL, one night stand between a struggling chicken diner owner and a recently promoted office worker turns into more, HS student and lonely deaf boy become the cutest couple to ever cute, A+ writing and acting, themes of: found family, making a home, love matters even when it doesn't end well, class inequality, queer generational divides, letting go of the past, a radically compassionate look at first love, last love, lost love, and unrequited love)

Bed Friend ⭐⭐⭐ (IQIYI, Thai, gay office romance, enemies to FWB to lovers, healing past trauma done right, ridiculously pretty leads, consent kings, high heat, A+ lead chemistry and acting, soft landing in the final 2 eps, tw: sexual assault)

My School President ⭐⭐⭐/⭐ (Viki, Thai, BL, high school boys singing their feelings [well!], wholesome, gentle, sweet and funny, A+ production values, peak low-heat BL with well-executed tropes)

Be My Favorite ⭐⭐⭐ (Youtube, Thai, BL, repressed and fearful boy travels back in time to his college days to woo his crush and falls in love with his supposed rival instead, themes: living each moment to the fullest so you won't have regrets, kindness as a catalyst for character growth and positive change, bravery in the face of uncertainty, telling people you love them can only be a good thing)

Laws of Attraction ⭐⭐⭐ (IQIYI, Thai, gay, mystery/romance lakorn, evil unhinged babygirl lawyer and the heroic idealistic taekwondo instructor who falls for him work together to solve the mystery of his niece's death, loveable granny, A+ lesbians, happy endings all around, great acting and lead chemistry)

Jack O'Frost ⭐⭐⭐ (Viki, Japan, gay, amnesiac young man and his co-habitating ex begin their relationship again, short 6 ep, A+ acting, excellent production values)

Hold my Hand at Twilight ⭐⭐⭐ (Viki, jdrama, twenty-something city mouse meets country mouse and they begin the journey towards making their dreams come true, cohabitation, warm-hearted, angsty 3rd act, A+ acting, excellent banter, post-credit epilogue)

Kiseki: Dear to Me ⭐⭐⭐ (Viki, Taiwan, gay, hardworking med student falls for the gang member he secretly treats, insane plot includes time skip and amnesia [2 tropes I usually hate, but actually done well in this case and not annoying], domesticity, cohabitation, hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, short total runtime)

Fake It Till You Make It ⭐⭐⭐/⭐ (Viki, China, romance, 🔥 lead chemistry, snappy banter, disarmingly honest and vulnerable leads, this couple wants to eat each other for dinner AND dessert but constantly chooses not to because of other life priorities and fears, friends with killer UST to lovers who communicate shockingly well, all the characters feel like real people instead of caricatures)

#wish me luck #asian gay dramas #kdrama #jdrama #cdrama #fake it till you make it #kiseki: dear to me #hold my hand at twilight #jack o' frost #laws of attraction the series #be my favorite the series #my school president #bed friend the series #moonlight chicken #sing my crush #love tractor the series #the eighth sense #the glory #hit the spot #lost #human disqualification

[beaft]

recommend some horror?

aha!! i am glad you asked (no really, i am, thank you for giving me the opportunity to be loud about my favourite genre). here is a non-exhaustive list of some of my personal favourites:

books

-the ballad of black tom by victor lavalle (retelling of lovecraft's "the horror at red hook" by a black author, i could talk about this one for hours suffice to say it's Very Good)

-pet semetary by stephen king (i have a love/hate relationship with mr king but i think this is one of his better books)

-the haunting of hill house by shirley jackson (actually, just about anything by shirley jackson, my personal favourite book by her is "we have always lived in the castle")

-beloved by toni morrison (it's not exactly horror, but i have to put it here anyway because it's too good not to)

-things we say in the dark by kirsty logan

-tell me i’m worthless by alison rumfitt

-house of leaves by mark z. danielewski (i detest this book. yes it's still one of my top favourites and no i will not be taking questions at this time.)

-my heart is a chainsaw by stephen graham jones

-literally anything by robert aickman

movies

-pan’s labyrinth (historical fantasy-horror, visually stunning, one of my favourite movies of all time)

-lake mungo (australian found footage horror about ghosts and grief)

-the texas chain saw massacre (not as gory as the title might suggest)

-the wicker man (the original version, unless you’re in the mood to see nicolas cage at his nicolas cagiest)

-jacob’s ladder (beautiful, eerie, hallucinogenic, you will not know what’s going on for most of it and that’s honestly kind of the point)

-carrie (the sissy spacek version NOT the one with chloe moretz)

-the ritual (it's not a perfect movie but the creature design is WONDERFUL)

-alien (grr! i'm gonna getcha! i'm the alien! and so on)

-nosferatu (both versions are excellent, but i am particularly partial to the 1979 one with klaus kinski as the vampire)

-whistle and i’ll come to you (unsettling short film based on an m. r. james story)

-hereditary (this one's best if you go in blind, but i realise that’s probably difficult since a lot of it has been memed to hell and back)

-the thing (sci-fi thriller/body horror movie set on an isolated arctic research base)

-don't look now (based on a daphne du maurier short story; light on the horror but heavy on the uncanny)

-cabin in the woods (comedy-horror) okay this one is kind of a guilty pleasure for me but it does have some clever moments and it’s genuinely very fun to watch

-silent hill 2006 (another guilty pleasure, it is very much not a good movie but also i've seen it like 7 times, so.)

-ginger snaps (the close relationship between a pair of misfit sisters is tested when one of them starts going through puberty, and also incidentally becomes a werewolf. similar vibes to jennifer's body although i personally prefer this one)

-penda’s fen (startlingly ahead of its time – it’s basically a coming-of-age story about a gay teenager in rural england with a tasty slice of religious/folk horror)

-crimson peak (love letter to the "gothic melodrama" genre)

-us (i personally preferred it to get out, but they’re both amazing; i haven’t seen NOPE yet but i hope to soon!)

tv shows

-castlevania (based on the video game, vampires + religious horror, gorgeously animated, unexpectedly funny)

-the terror (true-ish story of a doomed voyage to the north-west passage) (the demon bear may or may not be historically factual) (we just don't know)

-twin peaks (idk if it counts as horror but i’m putting it here anyway. it’s not for everyone but it occupies a special place in my heart)

-in the flesh (again, not quite horror, but there are horror elements, and i am putting it here because it’s both a pleasingly original take on the zombie-apocalypse genre and a beautiful queer love story. it got cancelled halfway through its run and i will never stop being salty about it.)

-the enfield haunting (three-part tv drama) (much better than the james wan movie) (not that that’s hard)

podcasts

-the magnus archives (do not ask me about this show unless you're prepared to hear me yell about it for Ever and Ever and Ever)

-alice isn't dead (lesbian trucker searches for her missing wife amidst various spooky happenings)

-a scottish podcast (washed-up radio DJ decides to become a phony paranormal investigator to make some extra cash, but his scheme goes awry when he stumbles on a genuine paranormal event)

-i am in eskew (man attempts to leave city, is unsuccessful)

message me if you want trigger warnings or a more detailed description for any of these!

#horror tag #replies #recommendations

[magicaltrans]

TRANS HP RECLIST BY TRANS PEOPLE

With the collective effort of many wonderful people on the Magical Trans discord server, we created a trans Harry Potter reclist by trans people!

Any type of media, ships, ratings and HP characters were allowed, the restriction being that it had to include a trans main character!

Because there were so many great recommendations, the reclist is split in 3 parts – 2 of which are Drarry focused. Find part II (Drarry, Gen – Mature) and III (Drarry, Explicit) here: Part II, Part III

PART I – No Pairings, Rare Pairings, Snupin, Snarry, Wolfstar

COSPLAY

S.Q.U.A.D by @themischiefmanagers​​ | TheMischiefManagers (Trans Teddy Lupin (and many more), Teddy Lupin/Victoire Weasley, Video Series on YouTube) What @samyistrying​​ loved about it: The YouTube Channel TheMischiefManagers is like a goldmine! They made multiple Cosplay YouTube Video Series with different HP characters (the marauders era (wolfstar!), golden trio (drarry!), and more) and all of them are MASTERPIECES! S.Q.U.A.D. is their take on Queerness in the HP World. It's incredibly educational, funny, heartwarming and so so important! Oh, and freaking relatable! They did an incredible job in conveying such a complex topic in a nuanced and fun way. It's so great! Also, it's by queer/trans people about queer/trans people and that is FELT! They have since stopped making new videos but their channel will always be one of the greatest treasures within the fandom! Check it out! Summary: Follow Teddy Lupin and Vicky Weasley as they take on outdated traditions at Hogwarts and create their own (not so secret) rebellious group called SQUAD - Sourcerous Queers United Against Discrimination! Tags/Warnings: talk about transphobia, gender dysphoria, queerphobia

ART

“Is there a name you’d like me to call you?” by @upthehillart​​ (Trans Harry Potter, Trans Remus Lupin, Digital Art) What @samyistrying​​ loved about it: upthehillart has quite a few trans HP artworks (I could die for her NSFW ones) and she's obviously an iconic artist within the fandom, so what's not to love? I chose this particular artwork because it's such a wonderful and sweet moment between Harry & Remus and I'm probably not the only one who needed to hear (/read) Remus' words. (I might've teared up but don't tell anyone). I need to end this praise with a quote: "Never forget that there will always be people that accept us in our most truest.” (ugly crying again) Tags/Warnings: nothing, just wholesomeness

FIC

GENERAL

Magical Metamorphosis by Eon_the_Dragon_Mage (Trans Female Harry Potter, 160k words, General) What the reccer loved about it: Holly’s journey through it all is really lovely (even if it does include some bad stuff happening) Summary: Concerned when Hermione sleeps late, Harry decides to check on her and climbs the Gryffindor Girls' Stairs. This begins a journey of self-exploration and transition for Harry as she blossoms into her true self. Tags/Warnings: Depictions of abuse, dysphoria, transphobia, torture, death, mention of suicide, and descriptions of self harm

Not Forever (and that's okay) by doshu | @vdoshu​​ (Everyone’s Trans, Fleur Delacour/Nymphadora Tonks/Bill Weasley, 900 words, General) What @piarelei​​ loved about it: short, sweet and right to the feels. It's cozy, it hugs you softly, it feels right. I love a good sip of polyamory and I found that this little thing is a good bite of validation for those who need it. Summary: It’s a cold winter’s night, and Tonks is working the late shift. That means chimney cake, hot cocoa, and stories in front of the fire, while Bill and Fleur wait for their missing third to come home. Tags/Warnings: t4t4t, POV First Person, Name choosing, Fluff, cozy feels, Polyamory, Nymphadora Tonks Lives, what even is canon

EXPLICIT

The Measure of a Man by Acid | @ac1d6urn​​ (Trans Male Harry Potter, Harry Potter/Severus Snape, 50k words, Explicit) What @temnurus (ao3) loved about it: This fic was an incredibly powerful look into Harry's mind during his transition. The relationships were rich and deep, and the feelings in this were both raw and immensely powerful. I related strongly to parts as a transmasculine nonbinary person, and the topic was covered honestly and thoroughly. Harry and Severus' characterizations were gorgeous, and the evolution of their relationship was stunning to watch. This is a must read for me. I thoroughly enjoyed it and highly recommend it. Summary: Several years after defeating Voldemort, Junior Auror Harry Potter discovers himself and, at the risk of losing his childhood love, follows the truth. Through it all, Snape is an unexpected solace. Will he become more? Tags/Warnings: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Spinner's End, Closets, Coming Out, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Angst with a Happy Ending, Misgendering, Gender Dysphoria, Cross-Generation Relationship, Post-Hogwarts, Auror Harry Potter, Alcohol, Not Epilogue Compliant

Fix your heart (build an altar where it rests) by BlueSundayCake | @bluesundaycake​​ (Trans Harry Potter, Trans Severus Snape, Remus Lupin/Harry Potter/Severus Snape, 32k words, Explicit) What @basicallyahedgehog​​ loved about it: Pahn makes such a rare pairing feel so natural, and the alternating POVs give us a gorgeous insight into each character. Harry and Snape's gender identities don't feel like a Plot Point but just another part of their story, a small piece of the beautiful jigsaw puzzle that is this fic. Summary: In the summer of 1998, three wizards come to terms not only with still being alive, but with a new life-changing discovery: a soulmate mark. Shapeless, colourless, painless. Like a drop of watered down ink. A story about falling in love, healing, and reconnecting with a sense of self. Tags/Warnings: alternative universe - soulmates, post-war, severus snape lives, remus lupin lives, headmaster severus snape, professor remus lupin, hogwarts eighth year, grief/mourning, paganism, cross-generation relationship, polyamory, slice of life, hurt/comfort, angst, depression, healing, slow romance, threesome - M/M/other, explicit sexual content

Lay down your armour (be with me forever) by BlueSundayCake | @bluesundaycake​​ (Trans Severus Snape, Severus Snape/Remus Lupin, 21,6k words, Explicit) What the author loved about it: Writing this fic for me was extremely cathartic! It was my ultimate egg moment of "oh shit this could be me?" and it's my favourite work to re-read. Also it's an emotional gut-punch. Also features moodboards & fanart!! (Art by Lu Endland | @luendland​​ ) Summary: In which two boys kiss and everything falls apart. A story told over a decade of encounters, where a body feels like a graveyard and another like a battlefield, and names are whispered tenderly until they feel real. Tags/Warnings: Heavy angst, internalised transphobia (resolved throughout the story), body dysphoria, body worship, scars, the mortifying ordeal of being known, names, hurt/comfort, happy ending, strap-on sex, self-acceptance

A Bigger Splash by wolfpants | @wolfpants​​ (Trans Albus Severus Potter, Draco Malfoy/Albus Severus Potter, 7k words, Explicit) What @vitaminpops​​ loved about it: the vibes are super immaculate like the tension, the body positivity of it all like seeing albus grow more confident throughout the fic it's just.   I love it. And it's hot. Summary: It's his dad's 45th birthday in rural Sicily, and all Albus wants is to be seen by Draco Malfoy. Tags/Warnings: Explicit Sexual Content, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Sexual Tension, Body Worship, Praise Kink, Age Difference, Summer Vacation, Italy

WOLFSTAR

GENERAL

A Story of Lions and Lionesses and Other Sentient Beings by Justherefor1 ​​ (Trans Sirius Black, Trans Caradoc Dearborn, eventual Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, 3k words, General) What the author loved about it: i just loved writing an understanding of gender and agender fic Summary: A magical button flashing “down with the cistem”, a young Griffindor who is brave and struggles to balance mapping the school, family affairs, Animagus potion brewing to support a beloved Werewolf, and gender struggles. Tags/Warnings: dysphoria (implied), (internalised) trans hate, Underage Drinking, enforcement of the gender binary, Coming Out, Walburga and Orion Black's A+ Parenting, mentions polyamory as totally normal as it is

TEEN

Boys Will Be Bugs by The_Infamous_Jack | @ace-catboy-ryuuzaki​​ (Transmasc Remus Lupin, Genderfluid Sirius Black, Transfem OC, Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, 395k words [in progress], Teen) What @remolupini​​ loved about it: it depicts Remus' childhood and teenage in such a great balanced way, it shows that they're still children despite the war, and still gives some good outlooks despite also touching on the darkest moments and thoughts in his life. Summary: Remus Lupin has more than one secret, and there’s no way of knowing who he can trust. All he has are his parents, but they can’t protect him when he goes off to Hogwarts. But then Remus meets a boy and his two other friends, and soon realises that some secrets can’t be kept forever. Tags/Warnings: parental death, dysphoria, internalized ableism, anything that comes with coming of age during a war, mostly canon compliant

MATURE

Discards by picascribit (Trans Sirius Black, Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, 70k words, Mature) What Justherefor1 loved about it: it leaves no eye dry. It goes to where it hurts. It’s surreal beauty and real pain. It’s not only about trans topics but also class differences and making ends meet. It’s actually also about pride and prejudice. Summary: When 21-year-old assistant librarian Sirius spots a cute hipster college student at the Seattle Public Library, he just needs to figure out a subtle way of determining whether he's into guys. But Remus's life is more complicated than Sirius knows. Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical & Modern, Romance, Angst, Getting Together, Parental Rejection, Homelessness, HIV/AIDS, Drug Use, Sex Work, Seattle, Friendship, Fluff, Found Family, LGBTQ Characters of Color, LGBTQ Jewish Character(s), Anxiety Disorder, Panic Attacks, Angst with a Happy Ending

EXPLICIT

Have Time To Grow by Queer_and_trashy (Trans Sirius Black, Trans Nonbinary James Potter, Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, 31,6k words, Explicit) What Justherefor1 loved about it: Queer themes, queer people. Love the conversation before sex with a trans person. Love how it’s not only falling in love but also making it happen!! Summary: Before him in all his glory was Sirius Black, queer jesus of the hipster poetry world with the long hair and sins to prove it. Remus hadn’t been able to get through one semester in his years of teaching without a student recommending Sirius’ poetry, their doe eyes filled with infatuation. Seeing up close the mind and body that had a habit of crafting words to crack open rib cages, Remus understood their sentiment. Remus is a queer literature professor weary of the social world, who meets Sirius a loud and wildly popular spoken word poet who specializes in love that burns hot at both ends. Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Poet Sirius, Professor Remus Lupin, Light BDSM, Dom/sub, Getting Together, Fluff and Angst, past trauma, implied/referenced PTSD, Happy Ending

If you would like to join the discussion as a trans person or to become a better ally, join the server! 18+ only.

A million thanks to all the wonderful reccers and artists/authors, of course! Representation truly matters!

#trans hp reclist #trans hp reclist by trans people #trans reclist #hp reclist #trans harry potter

[duckielover151]

The One Piece Diaries

Episode Count: 450

Holy shit, guys... I'm back. I took another several months-long hiatus from One Piece... Mostly unintentionally... (I've been bouncing between a lot of other fandoms these past few months but have been brought back by the live action.) Where to start...

We've been in Impel Down for most of the last 40 or so episodes since my last update post. And not to go off on a tangent, but you know... I've noticed One Piece lumped in as one of the shows that's swamped with filler. And that really hasn't been my experience so far.

What I have noticed is that, around this point, the pacing gets pretty atrocious. There's a lot that happens in the journey to try and break Ace out of Impel Down... But is there 40 episodes worth of stuff? I have to argue no. It gets to the point where the first third of the episode is all recap, and barely anything is actually getting accomplished each episode. So that is a little off-putting.

But! There is a lot of good to be found in this arc too!

Okay, admittedly... Buggy was never my favorite... (outside of some brilliantly written fanfiction by stereden on AO3) And I would have been content to never see Mr. 3 again... But it is really cool to meet back up with so many of the old villains who only met their downfall and ended up here because of Luffy and to have them be on our side now. Really puts into perspective the morality of it all. Luffy's always fighting for the right things... but in the eyes of the government and greater world, he's a villain as well.

I've finally met Jimbei... (Jinbe? Jinbei? I've seen all 3, but Crunchyroll's subtitles use the 'm' spelling, so that's what I'm going with.) I haven't seen a lot of him yet, but I like him so far. He's tough, clearly, but also almost goofily polite, in a way that really complements Luffy's general blunt insensitiveness. I think it's still a while before he joins up as the last member of the crew, but I'm looking forward to getting to know him better.

This arc makes it really clear how Bon Clay came to be as beloved in the fandom as he is. And there's a lot that could be said about Ivankov... A lot that would very quickly derail this update and which I'm not totally, personally qualified to weigh in on...

Listen, One Piece's portrayal of queerness isn't perfect. But it's a hell of a lot better than the way so many other shows handle it, especially given the time this aired. (The Impel Down arc was originally adapted throughout late 2009-early 2010. Frankly, the 90s often included more and better handled LGBT+ characters than the 2000s era anime did, up until pretty recently.) Just the fact alone that this group is so out and proud about it and undeniably allied with and wholeheartedly accepted by the main protagonist is a fucking statement all on its own. It's beautiful. I can't underplay that by nitpicking the places the representation fell short by today's standards in a storyline that's 15 years old now. (I know there's a lot of shit in the future that goes down with Sanji in particular... So I may have less generous things to say later, but that's where we stand right now.)

And as for the arc's villains... Magellan's okay. This last episode particularly, the venom demon attack was pretty badass. (That image of the mushrooming skulls as it formed it was so good.)

And Hannyabal... Okay, there were some early moments that made me laugh. The gag about how he's clearly lusting for the warden's job and not great about hiding it could be pretty funny. But by the time he's defeated... and the anime starts in on a dramatic backstory for this asshole, trying to make him sympathetic... All I could say was, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me...' I know it's kind of One Piece's thing to try and redeem everyone, but I was so bogged down by the pacing at that point... I did not have the patience for it. Good riddance to that dude in particular.

Episode 450 ends with our ragtag group officially making it out... And man, it's cool to see some of these older characters again, but I already miss our crew so much... Especially knowing what's coming...

I'm sure I've already mentioned that I know the bigger Marineford spoilers... But I'm still not sure I'm ready to see it firsthand.

Wish me luck.

#one piece #impel down #Episode 450! #lgbt anime #queers never die indeed #anime update

[jenyifer]

Atom in the Soup.

It’s the night before only friends again and I haven’t properly talked about Atom. Yes I did talk about him in relation to Cheum and Boston’s masking but!! He is important to the BostonNickverse so I can’t ignore him. Hell I even did some soup on Daddy Dan before Atom.

Atom’s name is not a mistake he’s viewed as small and insignificant to the rest of the cast. Boston pays the most attention to him because he cares for Cheum and Atom is an extension of her. So he readily treats him like a little brother too. He must have seen hung out with Atom before. But Atom is important for telling a queer narrative and we can’t over look him because so often Bisexual eraser is a thing in media and our conversations about queer people. I personally have a love hate feeling towards him based on my own experiences.

Let me tell you a story… a lesbian story actually. I was friends with several girls who were dating men (who were terrible by the way) and one of them let’s call her Eve was always talking obsessively to me. She introduced me to my future ex gf let’s call her Lili. We started dating and immediately Eve told me “oh it’s so funny I didn’t know you liked women… I don’t like women but I’ve had a lot of dreams about Lili and you Crazy? Right?” Eve was definitely dating a man but she would tell me about how much she liked Lili all the time. I made the mistake of keeping this info to myself because I didn’t want to ruin their friendship didn’t think it was my place. When Lili and I broke up Eve immediately tried and failed hooking up with Lili. Eve told me she was still straight she just wanted to try. She always dreamed of being with her but in the moment it was too real according to her. Lili’s panicked story to me was that she rejected Eve then the girl got very drunk and she dropped her off and was going to never talk to her again. Eve told me she was 100% str8 and this helped her cement this… supposedly.

So was Atom or Eve at fault for wanting to try? No. Did they obsess for a long time about how things would go? Yes. Reality is you trying something out like that is harmful to yourself and the other person when boundaries aren’t clearly understood ahead of time. Boston made it clear so many times that this was a one and done thing that Atom could leave that Boston didn’t judge him. But reality is Atom fucked about and found out. It’s not easy discovering who you are I don’t blame Eve or Atom for trying to go to someone who they know and admire. Seems like the easy option. But it’s a story people like Lili and Boston see all the time pretty out and proud lesbian gays used for experimentation making them feel less than. It’s not flattering to find out someone you thought was a friend only thinks about your body. So push them away before they can make you feel inferior insignificant. A single Atom.

I sympathize with Atom. He has no one to talk to. He believed Boston would still be there even if things went wrong because sex is no big deal to Boston. But that wasn’t reality. Now Atom is alone and hurt. Questioning who he is and if he has done the right thing. If I have to predict what I think will happen is.

1. Atom tells Cheum after seeing Boston with her maybe trying to reconcile? Then everything blows up.

2. Atom sees Boston happy with Nick and this causes Atom to go Nuclear getting revenge. Maybe he knows Nick and thinks he’s such a loser so why can Boston accept Nick but not Atom

whatever happens I feel like we are going to get a nuclear explosion that effects Nick and Boston going to ep 12. This is likely not to be my last soup pot on this boy.

#only friends #only friends the series #ofts #only friends meta #ofts meta #only friends atom #ofts atom #only friends Boston #BostonAtom #ofts Boston #Jenny’s rambling #only friends episode 9 #ofts ep9

[one-strugling-bean]

OFMD Random Commentary (Final Thoughts)

Okay so. I finished OFMD in 3 days. Season 2 is right at the door and I'm super excited for it.

While I wait though, I thought "Why not make a huge ass essay about my thoughts on the 1st Season?" And now here we are! And trust me I have tons to say. So without further ado, let's start:

Before anything else, I want to say, I had so much fun. This show was hilarious most of the time while still easily hitting me in the feels when it needed. By the end of the season, I wanted to adopt pretty much everyone and give them whatever they wanted. The romantic relationships weren't born out of thin air (although I think Jim and Olu could've been explored a little more) and the overall vibe of the show was so freaking inviting.

Stede and Ed were very captivating and their scenes together are always so evolving. Their actors convey strong emotions so freaking well. It's like I'm right there, in their heads, as the scenes play out, and I can tell what they're feeling perfectly just by looking at their expressions.

That being said, Ed was a bit harder for me to figure out than Stede. There were a lot of scenes, especially in the beggining, where I was at a loss as to his intentions. But it works in his favor (and the viewers') because Ed is a mysterious person for pretty much every character in the show. It's fun when everyone on screen is as clueless as us. It also contributes to the welcoming vibe of the show - it's like I'm there, just as clueless and scared as everyone else, trying to figure out what exactly makes Blackbeard tick.

And speaking of everyone else! My gosh, I loved the crewmates... I think I even said that at some point in an episode, but my favorite moments of the show were just the crew interacting with each other. Separated, each of them is nice and kinda funny, but together? They gave me the best laughs of the whole show.

It was the little things. Wee John, Roach, and Frenchie messing up a cross sign(?) for Nana, the flag-sewing arts-and-crafts, the rehearsal for the Fuckery, the Fuckery itself- just, everything.

As the episodes pass, and you grow to know the characters - recognize their faces, memorize their names, figure out the traits and places they take in the crew - they also grow to know each other. In the first episode they seem to be pretty distant from each other - acquaintances at best. But by the end you realize that that's changed - and you watched it happen. In every little scene, every funny comment or near-death experience - almost imperceptible on a first watch I think. Most of the time they just seem to be fighting each other. But those bonds do happen, and not just between the romantic pairs but everyone. Even with you, the viewer.

I think that's what makes the last "we talk it through-" "as a crew!" scene, followed by (or before) Lucius reading Stede's journal out loud, so powerful. I don't think I mentioned it in my post of the episode, but it gave me chills. You get this feeling of "we came so far" that just completely warms your heart. And you can see, in each one of their faces that they're all feeling the same thing. They came full circle from the first episode - they're not just a rag-tag group of useless people anymore. They're growing closer to becoming a family, a real crew. And it's fucking amazing.

TL;DR - they figured out the Found Family trope really well. And Found Family is my kind of thing soooo.

But oh well. Nothing can be good forever - especially if that thing is a happy ending in a queer show, so the rest of episode 9 and episode 10 happen. And the feeling of betrayal starts.

From a Gentlebeard/Blackbonnet perspective, the way I see it, Ed calling out the Act of Grace for Stede is the ultimate sacrifice from Ed for Stede. In contrast, Stede abandoning Ed at the dock is the ultimate sacrifice of Ed from Stede. See the difference? What I'm trying to say? I sure hope so, because I'm not sure I do. It just seems right when I say it.

Then Ed goes to the ship and everything goes off the deep end - ft. Izzy Hands being his usual creepy self.

Izzy.... creeped me out honestly. The whole time, not just at the end. From my peak on the OFMD fandom, he seems to be a pretty loved character, but I honestly dislike him a lot. I dunno. He was creepy and awful and did many horrible things for not-that-worthy reasons and I just overall didn't vibe with him. So I guess having him be the one to break Ed felt like a big, personal slap to the face. I dunno. Just wanted to call him every name in the book, you know?

(I also decided to take personally the fact that his name is a very common nickname of my name. I'll never accept to be called Izzy again. The PTSD and rage would be too much.)

Then, of course, we have Lucius's "death". Honestly? I don't think he's dead. He is too iconic to die in the first season. There's no way the writers didn't know Lucius was gonna be a fan favorite. The cliffhanger around his death was 100% planned as a special, last-minute, sadistic gift for the fandom. It will also probably affect something in S2.

That being said, I will only feel rested when I see him alive and well, nestled in Black Pete's arms. I gasped so loud when Ed threw him out of the ship you have no idea. I was so worried. Still am. That's how important his character has become to me. To most people, probably.

(I do think I saw a bit of Lucius's face in a random shot of the S2 trailer. His alleged self is pulling at someone's legs with Frenchie. But do not tell me if I'm right. I've been trying to stay away from trailer dissections.)

Frenchie and Jim also worry me greatly, but they seem to be doing good in the S2 trailer, so that helps. (Not Frenchie conquering his fear of cats by becoming one).

As for everyone else..... God, I was so horrified about their situation until that last scene. Stede coming in the dinghy might as well have been the sighting of an angel (I like to call this feeling the Sanji-backstory-PTSD). I've come to care so much about these characters, how was this show capable of tricking me like this??

Honestly, after all is said and watched, I'm unsure if I'm glad I waited so long to watch it. Because on the one hand, I won't have to wait months and suffer from the cliffhanger like most of you guys did (I feel for you all). On the other, I'm afraid I might've missed a few years of glorious fandom history and events.

I dunno, it's complicated.

(Send me links to all the best fanfics you can find - as long as they're in English and have at least 2000 words I'll take them).

But yeahhhhhhhhhhh, think this might be it for now. I don't know if I'll repeat the Commentary for S2- would you like that? If I get enough responses, Ig I will ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But in any case, for now, I close. Hope you had as much reading my reactions as I did watching this show.

Have a nice day! ^^

#i just thought of something #im european #theres a good chance the season wont be available for me on the 5th #.....does anyone know how i can know for sure....? #well #im sad now #boooo #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd random commentary #stede bonnet #edward blackbeard #blackbonnet #gentlebeard

[retrieve-the-kraken]

Heartstopper season 2 play-by-play analysis

This one is going to be looooong, because I delve deep into THAT scene (you know which one). The Paris Squad is back to reality, and for some it’s harsher than others, it’s facing some harsh truths and some changes and some situations that they’re not ready for… There are some very cathartic moments, and some not

Off we go!

EPISODE 7 - SORRY

- Love Tara’s super colorful, kind of 70s vibe bedroom decor, especially that bedspread.

- Tara’s mum’s exasperated face clearly saying “you really expect me to believe that you’ve been asleep in separate beds this entire time?”

- Nick’s smile fading as soon as he notices Charlie’s plate in the photo. And Charlie’s smile fading when Ben’s message comes through. Excuse me, Charlie, why haven’t you blocked him? Unless you did, and now he’s created a new account…? (Didn’t it use to say Ben Hope, and now it says ben_h_999?)

- Even better than Tara’s colorful room is Elle’s super artsy maximalist bedroom. Need to analyze every single element in it. I particularly love her bed, the wall color, that line of hanging leaves, and the flat metal solar system.

A little sad that we didn’t get to see the moment which inspired Elle to finish her art piece. Did she get over her artistic block before the terrible date with Tao? It would have been interesting to understand that, despite her new friendship with Naomi and Felix, she still found inspiration in her old friends.

- I love that Tao’s mum is not so traditional that she would object to her son dating a non-Asian, Black trans girl, but traditional enough that she’s spreading the news to all the aunties, like they’ve all been waiting for this, like they got together all the time and talked about when is Tao going to get his head in the game and get together with Elle??? “We’ve all been waiting for this day! The perfect girl for my perfect boy!” Also love that Tao’s dance moves are still as histrionic as ever.

- Sometimes I’m Tori, but when it comes to traveling, I’m definitely Charlie. But I’m definitely Tori when it comes to worrying about who’s that texting my little brother so insistently, making Charlie look sour.

- Both Tao and Elle changing their minds about what they were going to text, but in Tao’s case it’s because he didn’t want to be a downer, and in Elle’s case it’s because she hasn’t made up her mind because of Tao.

- I wonder why the stink smoke/aura cartoon around Darcy’s house is purple, when purple is supposed to be the color of queer pride… and there’s none of that in Darcy’s house.

- Isaac not even laughing off the funny comments of “ooh, they’re gonna kiss”. I think it’s interesting that the whole show is about not assuming people’s sexuality or gender identity just based on speculation or how they look or act or whatever, but it also shows that even queer people make that mistake. James assumed that Isaac was gay, and all of Isaac’s friends seem to be under the same impression, or at least think that he’s something… but nobody assumes he might be asexual. I know I talk enough about thinking that this person or that person is good-looking or beautiful or hot, that people assume that I’m talking about attraction. And maybe if your friend group is composed of couples, and mostly same-sex couples, people will assume “this one hasn’t found a mate yet, but they will”, because you’re likely to, just like the rest of them…?

- Ben’s intensity and guilt-tripping is just more proof that it’s about him, about what he wants, and not about what Charlie might want.

- Nick asking Charlie hesitantly if he wants to be his prom date, and Charlie being shocked, AS IF THEY WEREN’T ALREADY BOYFRIENDS AND CRAZY ABOUT EACH OTHER. Children, get a grip.

- Everyone pooling their money so that Darcy can buy the suit… my heart…

- Isaac talking to James really filled all the little holes and crevices in my heart, until James says “there’s nothing wrong with you… you probably just haven’t found the right person yet,” because of course he doesn’t get it either. Most people probably don’t. So that’s what we’re told our entire lives. It’s like we think we will, but it just doesn’t work that way…but nobody tells us that, so we keep looking and waiting and feeling disappointed and wondering if we’re broken.

- But Isaac shouting and ranting at his friends was sooooo cathartic‼ Sorry guys, but mind your own business!

- Elle’s exhibition outfit is so lovely‼ But… the light turning to a sickly green on Tao as he realizes that Elle has been accepted and she’s moving away and her life is changing and she has new friends and…

- Love that the light changes to red when Isaac is listening to the artist talk about being aroace… because being asexual is just as valid as any other sexuality about love. And the comic leaves beginning to flutter around him, because he’s beginning to understand, that maybe that’s him… “Crush culture makes me wanna spill my guts out…”

- Elle’s style is very nice, you can definitely see that she’s a fan of Renoir, of these still scenes that captures action and movement, albeit a subdued action, like a candid photo. I love that we get to see the art classroom tree again, even if only in painting, we only got a glimpse of that room this season, it is sadly missed…

- “Please don’t base your decisions on how I feel.” That is inevitable, but it’s good that you’re saying it. A lot of growth from Tao during the course of the season, well done.

- Ben looks like he hasn’t slept in days, and he literally traveled all the way to Lambert School (which, as Tao repeatedly has stated, is sooo far away), because he saw Elle’s post and he knew that Charlie would be there, and he’s still… hopeful? (Pun not intended). Charlie, what is this magic that you cast on boys that even the shittiest person in the world is torn up about you???

- By the way, yet more green in Ben’s jacket, because green is the color of hope. He’s wearing his heart on his sleeve for once. He looks tired and a bit disheveled, with dark circles under his eyes, like he hasn’t slept properly, and he looks desperate.

- THIS WHOLE SCENE. Man… this whole scene. Joe Locke and Sebastian Bash fucking hit it out of the ballpark. Let me just…

- “If you really hate me after this, you’ll never see me again”. Here’s the thing: Ben’s whole rant is still not an apology, he’s still not acknowledging the things he did to Charlie, especially not the awful assault, and excusing himself behind being messed up and the fear of not being accepted by his parents (it’s a valid fear, but it doesn’t validate his actions). The fact that he at least acknowledges that he was a shit person and that he admits that he really liked Charlie whilst genuinely smiling makes me think that he’s not completely beyond hope (again, pun not intended), BUUUUUUUT (and this is something the girlies out there need to understand, I’ve been seeing a lot of unfortunate comments complaining that Ben is being overly demonized, and whether that means that he should suffer forever and not have any chance at redemption…) if he really wants to redeem himself, if he really wants to be a better person and make up for the pain and trauma, then he’ll actually do the work, he’ll actually get help, and he’ll work from the ground up, and he’ll apologize to Imogen too, and he’ll stop discharging all his self-hatred onto other more vulnerable people, and downplaying their feelings and hurt. He really hasn’t grasped the magnitude of the hurt that he caused Charlie, and he’s not going to get anywhere until he does. So I’m glad that Charlie tells him, and maybe this time the information was actually absorbed. (I know in the comic this speech was actually Charlie’s response to Harry apologizing for being a homophobic bully, and as much as that was satisfying, the dry “NO” before shutting the door in his face was even more satisfying. Harry’s behavior did kind of deserve that whole speech, but Ben’s absolutely deserved it more, plus everything else that Alice added, because Charlie didn’t need that closure in the comic, and maybe comic Ben didn’t need it or want it either, or maybe he did, but TV show Ben ABSOLUTELY needed to hear everything that Charlie told him, so that he could finally get it in his head). “You don’t get to ambush me into forgiving you…”

- For a moment, as Ben is explaining that his parents would never accept him, Charlie looks a bit… sad… almost sympathetic. Yes, it’s terrible to know that Ben is not that lucky in that aspect as he is, or as Nick is, etc. But then you have someone like Darcy, who much like Ben, knows that her parents would never accept her. But Darcy would never have done to Tara what Ben did to Charlie…

- And it made me realize, back in season 1 episodes 1 and 2, when Charlie recounts how he met Ben, how they started out, there is no electricity, no heartstopper moment, even before Charlie first met Nick... at no point (that we can see, at least) Charlie ever felt the flutter and excitement that he experienced when he first saw Nick, when he was near him, when their hands touched for the first time, when they were about to kiss for the first time. It was like, deep down, he knew it meant nothing, because of the secrecy, because of how Ben treated him the rest of the time, how the "magic" was zapped as soon as Ben said something like "don't tell anyone about this" and wiped his mouth and just walked out without another word...

- Heartstopper does an excellent job of showing and talking about the importance of consent and agency and communication in healthy relationships, and every instance of how bad it was between Charlie and Ben is comparable to how great it is between Charlie and Nick. Whilst Ben didn’t ask before kissing Charlie the first time, Charlie actually asked Nick before they kissed, because he would never do to Nick what Ben did to him (and they do this in multiple occasions, vocally asking each other, like at the arcade, and at the park, and in that empty classroom), and Charlie even apologized because he still worried that he might have manipulated Nick into kissing him, possibly have taken away his agency; Nick didn’t ignore Charlie at school even when he was still closeted, whilst Ben acted like Charlie even randomly saying hi to him was a huge offense; Nick constantly talked with Charlie about figuring out his sexuality and possibly coming out once he did, whilst Ben just cuttingly said that he was “figuring stuff out” but not wanting to talk about it with Charlie, the only person he knew who might have understood; and whilst Ben was suddenly kissing a girl outside the school gate without telling Charlie anything about it, Nick immediately told Charlie that he panicked and accepted a date with Imogen, even when he had no plan of going, and how bad he felt about it and that he was going to fix it. Even Nick’s behavior toward Imogen is comparable to Ben’s, that he knew that Imogen liked him but tried to find the nicest, most gentle way of turning her down and then making sure they could stay friends afterwards, whilst Ben used her for popularity and just to keep up appearances whilst still pining over Charlie, and thus treating her horribly and ignoring her, and not even being discreet at all and openly ogling Charlie in front of her… The point is, even if Ben can’t come out to his parents because he’s afraid of being rejected, and even if he’s afraid of being out at school as well, being a shit person was still a choice he made. He took advantage of Charlie’s crush on him to treat him however he pleased, kissing him in dark classrooms, to fulfill his own wants, but being mean and disdainful in public, and knowing that Charlie would put up with it because Charlie had been bullied horribly and this was the first sliver of “affection” he received after being outed, and he couldn’t believe that this cute popular boy wanted to kiss him and he simply didn’t know he could have better (thankfully he knows that now). And now that the damage is done Ben realizes that he actually really, genuinely liked Charlie this whole time and wants to be forgiven just because he’s come to his senses?

- This is why Charlie’s response is the most fucking satisfying thing ever. He tells Ben very plainly the damage that he caused, but that he’s not allowing it anymore. There’s a difference between apologizing and asking for forgiveness: when you apologize, you’re acknowledging that you did something wrong and that you’re sorry and that you’ll do your best to learn from your mistakes, but also acknowledge that the other person doesn’t have to forgive you, whilst to ask for forgiveness does not necessarily mean that the person has realized the wrongdoing or that the wrongdoing won’t happen again, but instead just places the burden of basically putting the wrongdoing behind on the other person. Ben didn’t properly apologized as he said he would, instead placing the blame on the fact that outside factors have made him a messed up person (his parents, pressumably), and basically tacitly asked Charlie to see the good in him, to give him another chance. But Charlie doesn’t have to give it to him, he doesn’t deserve it. No Ben, if you really want to redeem yourself, if you really want “something good”, you’re going to have to work on yourself, work for it, and earn it. And leave Charlie alone, he doesn’t have to put up with you anymore. At least Charlie won’t have to see him anymore. Assault and abuse victims shouldn’t have to see their assaulters/abusers all the time, like a constant fucking reminder of a horrible event in their lives that they’re trying to put behind them.

- And you can see it in Ben’s face, the little flash of anger as his eye sort of twitches, and his nostrils flare a little, and his jaw clenches, because as much as he claims to like Charlie, he still probably likes or needs to be in control of him, and he’s realizing he really has no control over Charlie anymore, Charlie is not saying what he expected him to say or doing what he hoped he would do, but is instead telling him some very harsh truths, and he’s just going to have to deal with it.

- And now that he’s heard Charlie’s piece, now that he really knows what he’s done, Ben has a chance to start working on himself, starting by finding community, the beautiful rainbow wave inviting him in, to come and see for himself that he doesn’t have to be alone, that he doesn’t have to hate himself or be afraid or hurt anyone else anymore, that he can possibly have a fresh start… and he backs off and walks away… which is hard to see… as much as we hate Ben Hope, you wish he’d stop being a shit person, we don’t need more shit people in this world, but… things can’t be perfect, even on a show like Heartstopper… so Ben hasn’t started his journey toward redemption… yet. But hopefully he will eventually (again, pun not intended). We just won’t see it.

- (I wonder if this means that we’re definitely not getting that part of the story that converges between Solitaire, Alice Oseman’s first novel, and the comic if/when the storylines meet. As in, if the comic gets that far, are we still not getting that part of the story in the show? No more Ben ever, no Ben dating Tori’s friend Becky, no nasty encounter in the lockers?)

- I just realized that Nick and Charlie get back from Lambert and directly go to Nick’s house for the Nelson-Spring dinner. Charlie’s so chill, even after confronting Ben earlier, bantering and jokingly saying “mate”.

- Seriously, David is such a bully, and yet obviously still yearning for his father’s attention and affection… Meanwhile, you can tell that Sarah doesn’t really want to hang out with her ex, but she puts up with it because it’s important to her boys. And she’s wearing green too. Hope for this evening to go well…

- Again, Sarah reaffirms to Nick that he doesn’t owe it to his dad to come out to him, and I love that. Nick knows that but he doesn’t want to do it for his dad, he wants to do it for himself. It’s one less person to tell, but also being able to tell them in his own terms. Which his asshole brother nearly ruined completely.

- Tori monitoring the whole situation. Love you, Tori. And Sarah really struggling not to roll her eyes when Stephane says that rugby is a very attractive sport to women. Guessing that it didn’t work on her, or maybe it did and now she regrets it…?

- Stephane really being so oblivious as to why, during one of his very sporadic visits, Nick's "friend" and his whole family are invited to dinner...

- Jenny Walser really nailed Tori’s death grip on David. Love you, Tori. And David looking a bit intimidated...? Bet he wasn't expecting that...

- This scene is so well done, the build up to it, Nick’s spiel, Stephane looking around and realizing “oh I really was the only one who didn’t know”, and Sarah smiling when Nick says he likes who he is and his life, and her arguing with David and Stephane, and everyone looking tense. Everyone’s so good at every instant, even in the most subtle reactions.

- Sarah basically saying “yeah, I don’t understand why your father doesn’t care about you, he has no idea what he’s missing”, and then hugs him as if to reassure him that she does care about him and loves him. Olivia Colman really is the perfect Sarah.

- Nick owning his dad with that goodbye. And Stephane not remembering where David goes to uni… David also needed to hear that maybe his dad is not as great as he hoped, and realizing that he really needs to do better.

- Again, Jenny Walser is the perfect Tori. She’s equal parts uninterested and protective. Do not mess with her or anyone she cares about, David, you pathetic little man.

- Sarah making a point of assuring Jane that Nick really cares for Charlie, because she probably can tell that Jane is not entirely fond of Nick. (I’m thinking Nick probably told her about Charlie being grounded for spending too much time with him, and the way that Charlie’s mum is with him, probably). And I love Tori telling Nick in the background “your brother’s a prick” and I need to know what she said or what he responded because they both smiled at each other conspiratorially. Probably something along the lines of “I kicked his phone for good measure”, “well done, he deserved that”).

- Nick has been mostly focused on his predicament about whether coming out to his dad or not, and suddenly realizes that Charlie’s eating disorder is still manifesting…

- Darcy’s home situation is very similar to Aled and Carys Last's in Radio Silence. Even though Isaac is the replacement of Aled in the series, so far we only see the ace spec aspect of Aled reflected on Isaac (I mean, his mum seemed nice in that school scene, but what do we know), whilst we know from the comic that Darcy’s home life is difficult, but we don’t get much detail, and I think Alice used the show as an opportunity to give Darcy the Aled’s mother storyline from Radio Silence, to show us an awful reality of many queer teens, those that aren’t lucky like Nick or Charlie or Tara or Elle or even Tao… a lot of teens don’t have the support they wish they did at home, the unconditional love that a parent is supposed to have for their children, queer or not. And it’s not easy to escape that. Either you find safe haven in parts of that “home”, or you put up with it, or you get the hell away from them, but as a minor, how do you get away and make it in the world? (I sincerely wish there was a way to prevent people from becoming parents unless they were actually willing to accept their children no matter what. You can’t choose what your children will be, and you can’t force them to become what you want them to be, so just… don’t fucking have children if all you’re going to do is make their lives miserable.)

- So Darcy chooses to get away from that situation, at least temporarily, but… once she’s out of the house, she realizes that she doesn’t know what to do now. Where is she supposed to go? She puts up this front of a girl who’s very confident in her sexuality, whilst she’s not even out to her mother who clearly would not take it well… so she’s full of shame, and she doesn’t call anyone or tell anyone where she’s going, because that would mean having to explain. And now I'm devastated...

This episode is brought to you by the ACEUPHORIA™.

#heartstopper #heartstopper season 2 #heartstopper play-by-play #heartstopper tv #heartstopper netflix #heartstopper analysis #heartstopper play-by-play analysis #nick and charlie #tao and elle #Isaac heartstopper #ace representation

[video-gh0st]

So back in June I watched all the Ghostbusters films cause it was the anniversary of the original movie and I thought I'd do a quick bullet point review since it's been a bit since I watched them all together.

Ghostbusters (1984)

It's still a classic. Has memorable moments that will live on.

Fun scenes. Going after Slimer is always silly and chaotic.

Peter Venkman is a rough. I actually had a person tell me that Venkman is the reason why they never watched the first movie, and I don't blame them.

Wish there was a bit more build up to the confrontation with Gozer. Would be neat if they kept uncovering clues rather than just the moment they figured it out in the jail cell.

Ghostbusters II (1989)

I don't know why people dunk on this movie, it's great!

You can tell the cast and crew are having more fun and things are a bit more fleshed out.

Venkman actually has some good character growth and is not a total creep!

I actually like the build up to the climax on this one. Throughout the movie, there's a focus on the slime buildup in the city and the flow of the story feels good.

Some fun light scares.

I kinda don't like the whole "the ghosts just stop showing up" thing. It's a trope specifically for this franchise that's not really explained. Just "yeah nothing happened between the movies and people think, we're frauds again! Gotta do it all over again!"

Ghostbusters: Answer the Call (2016)

This movie gets a lot of undeserved hate thrown towards it for being the female lead reboot. A bunch of misogynist trolls threw a fit and never gave it a shot the moment it was announced.

The cast was great tbh. Everyone seemed to gel with one another.

Chris Hemsworth plays a himbo and we see him with his shirt off.

I really like the main antagonist in this movie. I think his character could have been fleshed out a bit more, but still fun idea.

The gear looks really cool in this movie.

Some scenes do keep going a bit too long and has like not good Saturday Night Live skit energy. I think they relied a bit too much on improv.

How the fuck is Chris Hemsworth the funniest motherfucker alive and why is he so cute?

There's a teeny tiny bit a queerness in this story, but I also feel like there's themes of found family going on here too and I like that.

Chris Hemsworth plays a himbo and we see him with his shirt off.

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)

Trailers do this movie a disservice by making it feel like it's going for a Stranger Things feel, kinda relying a bit too much on nostalgia or even doing the "wow kids these days." It just felt like they didn't have any confidence on the movie itself when marketing this tbh.

The tone is a bit more serious, but honestly I'm fine with it. Still has some funny moments, but it's leaning more into the horror part a bit more.

Watching Phoebe learn more about her grandfather is honestly fun. And this movie does a great job with handing things off to a new generation in a way that doesn't feel like it's disingenuous.

Literally cried at the end. Honestly that ending felt wonderful and it felt like a good tribute to Harold Ramis.

I don't know why, but my first watch of this last year wasn't as good as the second watch this year. I don't know what happened. But I remember the first time I watched this and felt like it was just ok but not my favorite. Maybe it was just a bit of frustration that the sequel to Answer the Call got cancelled before it could even get into full production.

I appreciate the movie using some practical effects. There are just certain elements that you can't mess with in Ghostbusters movie and they nailed it.

Muncher is my least favorite ghost tbh. Idk, there are people who love Muncher and I do like the tardigrade inspired design, but idk, they didn't appeal to me like the other ghosts did.

#ghostbusters #thoughts #yeah i'm of the opinion that Ghostbusters 2016 was a fun movie and I still go back to it. #I'm a bit scared though for the sequel to Afterlife since it got delayed to March 2024 #but I still stand with the writers and actors strike #Sony do not fucking kill that movie and pay your actors and writers a fair wage

[gracesshelves]

Legally Blonde (2001)

When I saw this movie on the list, I got so excited. Legally Blonde (2001) is probably in my top five favorite movies of all time. We watched this movie all the time when I was growing up, so I have a lot of special memories attached to it. To me, this is a five out of five. Some of the jokes and moments haven’t aged well. However, I still think the overall message of the film holds up. Girls need to see that being intelligent and powerful does not mean you have to sacrifice femininity. So many pieces of media have shown female characters becoming more masculine or trying to appeal to the male gaze to have more power, and I think Legally Blonde (2001) does a good job arguing against this idea. Elle does not dress the way she does for anyone else, she does it because she likes it. While the message of this film is a more surface-level feminist argument, I’m not really expecting in-depth theory from a romantic comedy.

Legally Blonde (2001) follows Elle Woods, a wealthy girl from California, who follows her ex-boyfriend, Warner, to Harvard to get him back. However, winning him back is not as easy as she hoped. Unable to fit in with the east coasters, Elle struggles to find a place for herself in law school and learns that Warner is engaged to someone else. By letting go of that relationship, Elle discovers a passion for law and helping others, like Paulette and Brooke. Ultimately, she realizes that she doesn’t need to pretend to be someone else, or do things for other people, and she surrounds herself with people who like her for her. The tone of the movie is very lighthearted and has many iconic lines that people still quote today (“What like it’s hard?”) I ended up re-watching this with a friend, and she was shocked with how much of this movie I had memorized.

I do adore this movie, but as an adult, I noticed moments that bothered me more than they did when I was younger. The biggest was the body shaming and early-2000s diet culture. I found myself cringing at Brooke Windham’s whole plot about liposuction, or the comments about losing weight and going down sizes Unfortunately, this is par for the course for early 2000s movies, but I think this is a potentially large turn-off for folks who are not emotionally attached the same way I am. Additionally, I also struggled with some of the stereotyping. There are a few queer background characters, and I do think they have funny moments, sometimes it relies a bit too much on stereotypes. The only context we see gay men in relates to fashion or beauty, and the only lesbian character is mean and angry. I think it would’ve been a lot more interesting if Enid, the aforementioned lesbian, had been an ally to Elle instead of a foe. They have a lot more in common than different.

Another thing I noticed about this movie was the perspective. A majority of movies from the early 2000s, and still today, fall victim to the male gaze. Even in this movie, there are a few moments that sort of do that (the scene where she is getting ready and the bunny costume). However, I would like to argue that most of this film is filtered through the female gaze. Elle is a hyper-feminine person, obsessed with pink and all different kinds of fashion. Most guys I know are not really into that women who dress like that, but my fellow queer women friends adore Elle and her outfits and find them attractive. Sure, not every queer woman likes this femme look, but there are a lot who do. Another example is the love interest. Movies under the male gaze often have the girl end up with the buff, successful main guy. But Elle ends up with the soft-spoken, supporting guy who wears sweater vests. Again, in very generalized terms, love interests like this appear most often for the female gaze. If this movie had been targeted at men, Elle would wear super revealing sexy outfits instead of coordinate pieces and bubble gum pink dresses.

            While Legally Blonde (2001) isn’t for everyone – I have a large soft spot for this film. I understand why it’s a blockbuster.

[denimbex1986]

'Time isn't a physical thing yet writer/director Andrew Haigh somehow weaves the mercurial essence of it into every single frame that makes up his fifth feature, All of Us Strangers (sixth if you count Looking: The Movie). In doing so, Haigh imbues the film with an ethereal quality that's just a step or two outside of our so-called objective reality.

But actually, that's what life can often be like as a queer person. In childhood, other kids often know you're different before you do, as if they've glimpsed your future first-hand, and for those who suppress their queerness growing up, it often takes years longer to come into your own.

Even then, once you've finally found some degree of healing, past traumas can pull you back in time just like that, transforming you once again into a younger, damaged version of yourself. (It doesn't help that coming out is a lifelong process, as if you're stuck in a not-so-funny '80s time-loop movie.)

In All of Us Strangers, a gay forty-something man named Adam is literally pulled back to these traumas when he meets his dead parents as they were, all those years ago before an accident took them away.

In coming out to these time-displaced figures – who both bring with them the baggage of AIDS-fuelled '80s hysteria – Andrew Scott's character almost becomes a child himself again, and in Haigh's real childhood home, no less.

Through adapting Taichi Yamada's novel Strangers (a book that's also a product of the '80s), Haigh bridges the gap between not just his past self and the present, but also two different eras of gay men through the intergenerational love story that unfolds between Adam and Harry (Paul Mescal), a younger man who accompanies him on this journey of healing.

Digital Spy caught up with Andrew Haigh to discuss coming-out scenes of a very different kind and the importance of crafting "a love letter to queer people of a certain generation". Along the way, we also talked the hidden significance of that sex scene and why casting Jamie Bell and Claire Foy was such a gamble.

All of Us Strangers plays so much with time – like most of your work does – and that feels intrinsically queer to me. As queer people, we don't always follow a traditional timeline, so I wondered if you could share how the film's shifting of time relates to the queerness that's integral to this story?

It's so interesting, because I feel like as a queer person, time is somehow different. As you say, your life seems to go on a different trajectory, and you don't have the sort of markers that other people have, although that is changing. I do think for younger queer people, it is a slightly different experience.

So I think it's just inherent in me as a person that I see time slightly differently, which is why it's always so interesting for me to play around with the idea of time.

All of my films, whether it's been Weekend, which is an obsession with 48 hours of someone's life, or 45 Years where something from the past has come back and disrupted the present, it just... I'm just so interested in the nature of time.

Casting Jamie Bell and Claire Foy as Andrew Scott's parents, even though they're actually younger than him, is such an interesting idea to play around with, both visually and emotionally. But were you ever apprehensive or worried that this approach might fall short or not work in the way you hoped it would?

Yeah, I was really worried about it [laughs]. I thought if that doesn't work, the film is terrible. People might laugh at it and be like, "This is just so stupid". The film works on an emotional level and I need that to be believable and real.

But then, weirdly, the minute I started filming with them, my fears went away, because I could see that it was working in the moment. And I could see that it was working emotionally.

Jamie and Claire do an incredible job at feeling like they are Andrew's parents. And he does feel like he is their child. So the nature of how they look sort of becomes irrelevant. Then I thought a lot about how, of course, that makes sense.

If we think about our parents in our minds, we don't necessarily think about what they look like now, if they're still around. We think about how they used to be. It's the same with anybody in our lives. You can think of a friend that you may not have been in contact with for 20-30 years. In your mind, they're exactly like they were back then. I think that is just the nature of our memory and how that works, so it does make sense for the film.

That moment when Adam gets into bed with his parents could have been particularly hard to pull off, but it works so beautifully within the context of the narrative.

I mean it could be ridiculous. He's wearing pyjamas that don't fit, and he's trying to get into bed with his parents. It could be absolutely ridiculous. But I think it speaks to this idea... Think about those pyjamas.

We all understand the desire to want to go back and feel that comfort sometimes that we felt as a child, but of course, it doesn't fit anymore. They're too tight and he isn't a child. He is an adult. But within all of us, we still have that element of being a child within our adult bodies, not just as children but our parents are the same. Everybody is the same. The child is always trapped within us.

That element really comes to the fore in the film's two coming out scenes when Adam reveals himself to parents who are technically younger than him. We've seen so many coming out stories over the years, but we've never seen anything like this before. Why do you think these two scenes have resonated in particular with so many fans of the film?

I mean, there's a number of things. People are always like, "Oh, we don't need more coming-out scenes. We've done all the coming-out scenes," but I think a lot of us, as queer people and gay people, are still affected by that, that feeling of having to come out and how terrifying, how horrendous that was for so many of us and the fear of having to say something to our parents, and they may reject us for that.

It was a very, very traumatic event for lots and lots of people, especially back in the '80s.

What this is about, in many ways, it's not just that he's coming out to his parents, but he's being reminded of how he used to feel back then. Because the parents reaction is how everybody felt about gay people back in the '80s. Or how most people felt. That was a very difficult time.

I wanted it to be sort of generous as well, even to the parents, because they lived in a period of time where they were just fed stories and lies, essentially, and fears about gay people. So I didn't want to vilify the parents either because that's the culture they lived in at the time.

It's so rare still to see the experiences of gay men Adam's age explored like this. Why would you say it's important that the stories of gay men who lived through the AIDS crisis continued to be centred this way on screen?

I think it's a really important generation for me as a queer storyteller. I wanted to say something about that generation, and it is a very specific generation. It is a generation of people who grew up as AIDS was decimating communities.

As young queer people in that time, we grew up surrounded by the idea that our sexuality was completely linked to death. I think it's very easy to forget how traumatic and horrendous that was, and that we are still living with the ramifications of that and the shame that went along with that.

The way that people treated us made us feel ashamed. It's not that we were inherently shameful because we were gay, but we were made to feel shamed. That has been a struggle that a lot of us have had to work through into our 40s and 50s and people into their 60s are still dealing with that, so I think it's a really important thing.

And also just to remind people that yes the world has changed, thank God, and everyone seems to have forgotten what it was like back then, but we haven't forgotten, even on an unconscious level. We can remember.

I always wanted it to be a love letter to queer people of a certain generation to say, "You know what? I know that it's still painful to think back at that time, and it is still painful. And I want us to realise that it's still painful and it's okay to to appreciate that sometimes."

I was born in the mid '80s, so I wasn't an adult during the height of the AIDS crisis, but I absolutely felt the ramifications of it still into the '90s and beyond, this idea that being gay is instantly connected to fear and death.

Yeah, the '90s wasn't a Golden Age either. Even into the late '90s, I remember there were debates going on in the House of Commons where people would still be saying that what we were doing was sinful and wrong and that we were gonna go to hell.

This is in the '90s. This is not the 1970s or 1980s. So I think that living in the '80s and '90s was not an easy time for queer people, definitely.

That sex scene early on where Harry licks cum off Adam's chest really struck me, because any kind of contact with bodily fluids like this would have once been horrifying to Adam. Did you consciously include this scene in relation to Adam's shame and him overcoming it?

Absolutely. That's the point of that shot to me. I think there's probably lots and lots of people who will not truly understand that at all. Of course, you will understand it because you understand it from a personal standpoint.

There are two gay people of a different generation and one has no fear in that moment of what he's doing. The other one is still resistant to that. That's years of something within his body telling him to be resistant. And he overcomes it because of course, you can overcome it. Lots of people do overcome that fear and shame and that is the point.

In that moment, there was a little bit of resistance, but the intimacy and the compassion of Harry in that moment allows him to overcome a sort of embedded fear.

Some people see the ending as very uplifting and hopeful while others find it sad. Obviously, tragic endings are embedded in the history of queer cinema, so did you feel pressure to try and avoid tropes like 'Bury Your Gays'?

I understand there was that trope. It's often the trope actually gets said more than the reality of that being an actual reality. It's like "Oh, you're gonna kill off all the gays" but actually, that's not always what happens.

There is a way in which this film could have ended on a very optimistic, joyful note. To me, that would have been a little bit simplistic in terms of what the story is trying to unpick and understand, which is about the actual nature, the essence of love, and what is important within that.

I also think that sometimes when you're telling queer stories, I want to dig a little bit deeper into the pain, into the reality of things. There you can get closer to the truth and I think that is important.

Let's go back to the '80s. A lot of people, a lot of gay, queer people, lost their partners young and lost a lot of people that were very, very important to them. But as that also happened, what I found so profoundly beautiful is, it sort of highlighted the idea of love in itself as being some kind of saviour and that it can save you and the importance of that love. After all, loss is still so fundamentally important.

Looking back, is there a particular example of queer TV or film that really resonated with a younger version of yourself?

It's a tricky one. I feel like in the end, it was probably watching Beautiful Thing, that Hettie Macdonald film.

I remember I was working in a cinema, the National Film Theatre, and it was the gay and lesbian film festival, I think, or it was a special screening of Beautiful Thing. There is a gay film, actually, that's very, very joyous. It's got so much joy in it. It ends on a really uplifting, joyful note.

I just remember sitting at the back as an usher, seeing that film, and I wasn't even out at that point. I was still in the closet. And I remember feeling like, "Ah, okay, there's a possibility out there for me". I remember loving that moment. It was both emotional and cathartic and joyous.

I still love that film. I watch that film now when they're running through the woods and The Mamas and the Papas are playing and they kiss against the tree. It's so beautiful. I adore it. So even though my films don't often end on moments of pure joy, I still like moments of pure joy [laughs].'

#Andrew Haigh #All of Us Strangers #Claire Foy #Jamie Bell #Andrew Scott #Paul Mescal #Hettie Macdonald #Beautiful Thing #Strangers #Taichi Yamada #The Mamas and the Papas #Weekend #45 Years