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detectivedreameater · 2 years

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Just Add Chili || Cass and Marley

TIMING: Current PARTIES: @stolensiren and @detectivedreameater SUMMARY: Cass and Marley end up volunteering at the same soup kitchen, and soon realize they both used to be the people on the other side of the line. CONTENT: Discussions of past child abuse, domestic abuse mentions, psychiatric abuse mentions

Superheroes stood for a lot of different things. Cass had read a lot of comic books, had poured over them for hours at a time looking for answers, for guidance, for understanding, and she’d learned that it wasn’t all about wearing a costume and punching people out. Sometimes, it was about giving back. Reed Richards founded the Future Foundation to help fight for a better tomorrow. Bruce Wayne donated millions to charity to rebuild Gotham as something better than it was. Peter Parker volunteered at soup kitchens to help the community out of the mask.

Cassidy knew her limits, of course. She wasn’t smart enough to lead scientists into the future, didn’t have millions to give away to make the city she lived in shine brighter. But she had two hands and a work ethic that didn’t entirely suck. And… she’d stood on the other side of this table before. She knew how awful it could be. So, she donned a stupid hairnet and a pair of truly hideous gloves, and she took her place behind the table, settling in next to another volunteer.

The initial bustle made it difficult to exchange pleasantries, but when it was over? There was a lull that Cass knew from experience was going to last a while. So, putting down the disposable bowls she’d been holding, she turned to the woman beside her and flashed a grin. “I know we didn’t really get, like, introduced before, but I’m Cassidy. Is it weird if I ask if you come here often? Feels weird, but I kind of want to do it anyway.”

This wasn’t something that Marley normally did, but after she’d been able to sit down at a table and eat a proper Thanksgiving meal for the first time since she was sixteen (which also just so happened to be her first real Thanksgiving meal, anyway, and a “meal” to the mara was not mashed potatoes and turkey) she’d found herself reflecting on a past she’d tried to forget. It was when she remembered standing outside one of these for the first time that Marley decided she wanted to go in, and not just go in, she wanted to help out. She’d seen those in the same situation she had been a decade ago and she felt something that Erin would probably say was empathy. She understood how they felt.

But Marley had quickly learned that a soup kitchen couldn’t feed her. Meals were found by sneaking into houses and apartments and not knowing how to control herself or her invisibility and running, frightened and hungry down the street as cops chased her. If anything, soup kitchens had simply been a sanctuary, a place to keep warm for a few hours, a place to blend in. A place to grab a quick meal because so many of the people around her were leaking a fear that she felt, too.

Marley hadn’t been paying attention during the meeting and assigning of jobs. She was handed some plates and plasticware and sent on her way, glancing back at the girl who had been sitting next to her before the rush came in and there was no time left. She watched the people come in droves, excited just for the smallest bit of food they could get and she felt her throat tightening. When the lull came, she leaned against the stand and folded her arms, observing the crowd that sat at the tables when a voice interrupted her thoughts. She turned to look at her-- it was the girl from before. Marley blinked behind dark sunglasses. “Marley,” she said, “and no, first time, actually.” On this side, at least. “What about you?”

Cass offered the woman a small smile, shrugging a shoulder. “Nah. I try to come when I can, to… give back, I guess. Holidays like this are always the busiest.” People came out of the woodwork during the holidays, seeking food and warmth and companionship. The last one, Cass thought, most of all. Soup kitchens were never just about getting fed. They hadn’t been for her, when she’d been on the other side of the table. It was about reminding yourself that there was kindness out there still. It was about someone looking at you like you were a person. You never realized how much you missed those things until you were without them.

The quiet sound of chatter filled the room, people chatting with one another and forks clanging against plates. Cass glanced out to the tables for a moment before looking back to Marley. “What made you decide to volunteer? I mean, if it’s not, like, a super personal question. Like, I guess it could be court-ordered, or…” She trailed off, closing her eyes for a moment and sighing. “Not that I think it is! I’m sure it isn’t. I mean, not that I’d judge you if it was, I just…” She laughed, shaking her head. “Clearly, small talk is not my best skill.”

“Yeah, I remember,” Marley said off-handedly, finding herself doing that more and more often-- saying things without thinking them through, first. Her mind felt like it was always in a different place these days, like something was calling to her, pulling away. She kept seeing things out of the corner’s of her eyes, and now it all felt even worse, after having seen some of Erin’s memories. She rubbed her head and looked out among the crowd-- it was a big turn out, and Marley could remember how nervous she’d been her first time coming to one of these. She’d stood in the corner, staring, flicking her eyes back and forth, wondering if they knew, if anyone could just tell, that she wasn’t like them, that she was a monster. A nice old lady had finally come over to ask her if she wanted anything, then led her up to the line and didn’t say a word when Marley only piled cookies and pudding onto her plate.

“S’not court ordered,” she said, watching the girl fumble with her words for a moment. “Don’t worry about it, I hate small talk anyway.” Marley had never been much of a talker, whereas this girl seemed to talk a lot. She didn’t mind. “Thought I’d give it a try. Been, uh-- reevaluating shit in my life, lately. Tryna, I dunno, change for the better or whatever.” She didn’t need to mention she was a detective, she didn’t even want anyone to know she was there, really. She liked to keep her private life private, after all. “How long you been doing this, then?”

I remember. Two words, but they spoke volumes if you were paying attention. And Cass usually was. A leftover habit from living on the streets, from being a kid nobody wanted anything to do with -- she was always paying attention. Marley said she hadn’t volunteered in the past, but she remembered that holidays were the busiest time of year at soup kitchens and it didn’t take a genius to put two and two together there. Inexplicably, Cass felt a little more at ease. Her shoulders relaxed just a little, some of the tension leaving her body. “Me, too,” she offered quietly, because it seemed only fair, because if she felt a little more at ease then it was only right to try to offer that same olive branch to Marley in return.

Her smile was a little grateful as she nodded, glad she hadn’t offended. They’d be standing next to each other a few hours more, and she’d hate for those hours to be spent in awkward silence. “Small talk’s overrated,” she replied. “That’s good, though. Trying to change for the better, that’s good. Not, uh… Not a lot of people bother with that kind of thing.” People, for the most part, lived self-centered lives. Cass wasn’t immune to that tendency herself, she knew, but she tried to be. And it was nice, knowing she wasn’t the only one trying. “Off and on for a while now. My life has kind of… stabilized in the last few months, so more lately.” It was a vague answer, but easier than saying I was homeless until a few months ago. “It’s like you said, I guess. I’m trying to change for the better, too.”

Me too. Marley really shouldn’t have been all that surprised, after all, there were at least fifty people currently in the dining room of the homeless shelter, and more were filtering in. Still, she was surprised, and this girl looked young. About as young as Marley was when she first got a place of her own, when she could first afford a place of her own. Couch surfing, homeless shelters, sneaking into places were her only options before. She’d been chased one too many times out of empty motel rooms, but that was the plus of being able to turn invisible, not that she’d had good control over it at the time. She chose not to comment on it, though. They didn’t need to say what they both already knew.

“Didn’t really bother with it for a long time, but guess some shit’s happened recently that kinda changed my mind,” she shrugged. “Wanna be someone that people can rely on, at the very least.” And she was tired of being alone all the time. She had Erin now, but she also had friends and it felt...nice. Knowing she didn’t have to be alone. Even if she was a monster, a murderer, she didn’t have to be alone. She looked at Cass. “Stable’s good. I was definitely grateful when I found something stable. Makes things easier.” Her gaze traveled back out to the crowd. None of those people had stable and there wasn’t much Marley could do to help them other than stand behind this counter and serve them chili. “Nice being on the other side, though. Helping instead of being helped.”

The expression that crossed Marley’s face was both familiar and foreign. There was shock, which Cass saw pretty often. You don’t look homeless, people said sometimes, as if there was a certain aesthetic to living on the streets that everyone needed to abide to in order to properly set themselves apart. But… Usually, after the shock came the pity. It came the false equivalencies, the attempts to understand the ununderstandable. Marley didn’t express any of that. Instead of pity, there was empathy. There was the face of someone who’d been where Cass had been. She hadn’t realized how comforting something like that could be.

“Yeah,” she agreed with a small smile, thinking of the makeshift superhero costume she had stuffed in her clothes hamper back in her tiny apartment. Wasn’t that why she wore that, too? To be someone people could rely on? “No overselling how much easier life is when you’ve got a real bed to go home to every night,” Cass agreed, voice light as if it was a joke, as if there hadn’t been nights on the street when she might have killed for it given half the chance. “I never liked… relying on people. I don’t know if that makes me a hypocrite now.” She wanted people to lean on her, but she’d rather fall over than lean on them. It was stubbornness. The incurable kind. She was less resentful of the quality than she’d once been. “Is it… Can I ask, uh, how long it’s been for you? And if it ever stops feeling… temporary?”

Marley thought back and tried to count on her fingers the number of times she’d had a real, actual bed to come home to at night. She didn’t know if she counted the group home, or the foster homes she’d been passed through. They were certainly beds, but sometimes she’d come home to find them filled with another body, simply because Marley had stayed out late. She’d always felt more comfortable in the night, crawling under covers during the day and hiding in closets to get away from the light. And the stares. What’s wrong with your eyes? Why do you look so weird? More often than not, Marley chose to stay on the streets, to sleep in the homeless encampments. It wasn’t like anyone could really hurt her, but she never knew who might be a hunter. She could remember each time a hunter had found her, asleep under a bridge wrapped in a sleeping bag and tried to stab her. “Can’t even compare to anything,” she admitted, her gaze falling. “I remember the first time I got a place of my own, I couldn’t sleep in the bed for almost a month. Felt wrong, like I was doing something wrong.”

She never shared these parts of herself with anyone, and certainly not so easily-- but it helped, she supposed, that she didn’t really know this girl, and that she seemed to share her experiences, as much as that made Marley’s chest feel tight. She swallowed. “Never liked it either, but I sorta learned recently that you need it in order to survive. Had an accident that kinda forced me to have to rely on others. I resisted, at first, but in the end, I think it’s what made me wanna change.” She still wasn’t 100% sure, but maybe it had been a culmination of things that had changed her. Maybe it had happened so slowly she hadn’t even noticed until she was sitting across a table from the woman she loved, smiling.

“Been about a decade, little more.” She tapped her foot against the floor. “Technically had a dorm room back in my first year of college, but I hated staying in it, so I mostly still moved around and slept wherever felt safest.” And no one noticed when she was gone, so it hadn’t mattered. She hadn’t mattered. “And...not gonna shit you kid, I don’t know. It hasn’t yet, for me. I still moved around a lot, like stayin’ in one place too long is gonna get me killed or found out or chased away. Sometimes there’s moments where I feel so content I forget that everything used to be temporary. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that what I’ve isn’t temporary. Guess I just settled to admitting to myself that I’m allowed to feel both ways, but what’s important is what’s right in front of me.” She shrugged. “Sorry, that doesn’t really help much, but I’m not the kind of person to lie and sugar coat shit. That won’t do anyone any good.”

Her chest felt tight, but not for any reason she understood. Marley’s words seemed to knit Cass’s ribcage together, seemed to press a weight on top of her in a way that didn’t quite make sense. Distantly, she thought it might have something to do with being seen, being known, being understood. She’d never been particularly good at any of that. “I sleep on the floor sometimes,” she admitted. “I still…” Trailing off, she swallowed around that lump in her throat and shrugged, as if lifting her shoulders and dropping them in that simple motion was enough to remove the weight from them, enough to make the conversation inconsequential. “It’s too soft, I think. Sometimes, it’s just too soft.” After so long of sleeping wherever she had space to sprawl out, the bed sometimes felt like it might swallow her whole, like it might absorb her into it and not let her out again.

Marley was forced to rely on others, and Cass wondered if that made it easier or harder. Was it better to have that choice taken from you, or to have to make it on your own? She still felt so squirrely all the time. She was still making plans in the back of her mind on how to steal from Bex, hating herself more and more with each act of kindness the other girl showed her. She still didn’t know how to do anything worth doing for Metzli, coming up empty when she tried to think of any way to help the vampire. She still went into every conversation wondering what she could gain from it, or what the person at the other end of the equation was hoping to gain from her. “There are people who want to help me, I think,” she admitted, “but I never feel like I can trust it. Like I can trust them. It’s always just… Like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. Do you still feel like that?”

The answer was an honest one. Cass knew that, could tell just as easily as she could tell the color of Marley’s hair or the tone of her voice. The answer was an honest one and that, too, was an unfamiliar thing. “No, don’t… You don’t have to apologize. I don’t want it sugarcoated. Never really have. I’d rather know, one way or another. Better an uncomfortable truth than a beautiful lie.” She looked down at the pot of chilli, the styrofoam bowls and plastic spoons. “You, uh… You said found out. Do you… I mean, can I ask what you meant by it?”

Marley felt something burning in her chest at the words. It’s too soft. God, she’d thought that a million times before, hadn’t she? It’s too soft. Too big. Too comfortable. Too...not something for her. She didn’t deserve a bed, a house, a home. She didn’t belong in a place where she could feel safe and comfortable and warm. Something felt like it was creeping up her throat and she cleared it, standing up to fuss with something in front of her that didn’t need fussing. “Put some cardboard under the mattress,” she finally said, “makes it feel less soft.” She stirred the pot absently. “Use the bed for other things. Just sit in it or watch a movie. Read a book. Helps make it feel...real.” Someone sidled up and Marley filled a bowl with the chili and handed it to them, watching them take it, hands shaking. She wondered if it was from the cold or the hunger. She wished her hunger had been easier to quell, maybe then she wouldn’t have hurt anyone.

“Even after I found a place I could call home, I still kept to myself for years. I couldn’t trust anyone else, I’d been hurt too many times. At least, that’s what I told myself. I’d been looking after me for years, I didn’t need anyone. Couldn’t trust anyone, when everyone was just a liar or out to get something from me.” She paused, turning to look at the girl. She didn’t have answers for her questions, she only had what she’d experienced. Marley wasn’t a wise sage, she was just someone else who had grown up in the system and on the streets. “Was really just in the last year that I found people. And no matter how hard I pushed or how much I shut them out, they pushed back. They fought for me. Still feels weird, knowing someone did that for me. My partner. She put up with so much of my shit.” She sighed, then rubbing the bridge of her nose. “I don’t think it’ll ever feel easy or right or like you deserve it. To have people, be trusted, trust others. I think you just gotta...let yourself. Even if it feels wrong.”

Sheepish suddenly, Marley cleared her throat again and rubbed the back of her head. “Sorry, not tryna be preachy. Just what I’ve come to feel, I guess.” The question gave her pause-- she’d slipped, almost let out an important secret-- but she could recover it. “Bein’ sixteen on the streets isn’t technically legal. Had a fake I.D., fake birth certificate, that kinda shit. Had to real careful, cause there was no way I was goin’ back to those places. The group homes. Rather take my chances on the streets, at least sometimes you could find people who actually cared out there.” Or people who you thought cared.

The advice was surprising. Cass hadn’t been fishing for it, hadn’t been looking for a way to make her bed feel safer or convince sleep to come to her with less of an argument. But… she felt a warmth spread through her chest at Marley’s words all the same, ducked her head a little out of habit, to keep her expression to herself. “Thanks,” she said quietly. “Never thought of using cardboard before. I’ll try that.” The rest of the suggestions, too, would be filed away in the back of her mind, but saying as much aloud meant admitting that her issue wasn’t just the physical feeling of a mattress beneath her. There was so much more to it than that. Like everything else in her life, the bed seemed a thing that would vanish the moment she took her eye off it, and it was getting harder and harder not to blink.

She offered a smile to the person muddling through the line because it was easier. The smile was forced, was fake, but so was Cass. “When I was a kid, I just… I wanted people to like me.” The words tasted like ash on her tongue, chalky and uncomfortable. It felt so pathetic, so stupid now, but it was true. For so long, she’d been nothing more than a scared little girl desperate for approval. She’d let foster parents speak down to her, hurt her, do whatever they wanted just because she thought it might earn her love and acceptance. She’d cut away so many little parts of herself to please other people that she didn’t know, anymore, who the real her was. She didn’t know if that person even existed. If they ever had. “I always feel like… I don’t know. Like I have to make up for it, for being such a fucking pushover all that time. Like I’ve gotta push back now because I didn’t push back then. It’s stupid, and it makes me… kind of hard to deal with. I’m not sure anybody’d try very hard.” I’m not sure how to let myself accept it. It was something she figured Marley knew all about; if she didn’t, Cass wouldn’t have been so open about it.

Cass couldn’t meet Marley’s eye, but the smile she offered her was more genuine than the one given to the people passing through their line, a touch more real. “You’re not preachy. I’ve seen preachy. That’s not you.” She nodded at the explanation, not sure why she’d been expecting anything deeper. “I was sixteen, too,” she offered. “When I… left. They kept sticking me in group homes, too. Or with foster parents who’d…” She trailed off, let the end of the sentence hang. She didn’t think she needed to complete it. Anyone who’d grown up in the system knew how it ended. Anyone who hadn’t couldn’t begin to imagine. “I dropped my legal name. Never went back to it. It wasn’t really mine anyway, you know? It’s just the one they gave me when they found me.” Meaning dropping it wasn’t the same as separating herself from the biological family who’d abandoned her, meaning even if her mother and father were looking for her, they wouldn’t be searching for Cameron Steele any more than they’d be looking for Cassidy Terence, meaning she hadn’t given anything up when she’d stopped being that girl. She didn’t know, some days, if that made it better or worse. “I think it was worth it, though. For me, it was worth it. I’m better off now than I would have been.”

“Anytime,” Marley said, turning to grab some more paper bowls and stack them on the line for people to grab. She listened to Cass explain and again, Marley was hit with that gut punch of familiarity-- it was just the same damn story, over and over and over again, wasn’t it? Kid no one wants, thrust into the system because they aren’t like the others, trying desperately to fit in and be liked. And every time, they were disappointed and chewed up and spit out. It made her so angry to think about, all the kids that were like her, drifting and suffering and maybe even dying in that system. How many times had she come close to dying? She had to stop and close her eyes and take a breath to calm herself. She could feel the anger flickering behind her eyes, searching for any bits of fear lingering in the kitchen. And there was so much, so many of the people out there were afraid.

“I wanted nothing more than to be liked as a kid,” she said after a moment, turning to look back at the girl as they went about cleaning up their station before the next rush came in. “I tried everything to fit in, but nothin’ ever worked. Cause I wasn’t like all the other kids. I had a…” she paused, wondering how to explain it. “Condition. Made my behaviour real different from all the other kids and a lot of the foster parents didn’t know how to deal with me. It made me grow resentful, cold. I hated them for not being able to accept me, for trying to change me, and it made me closed off and cruel.” I made her hate humans and supernaturals alike, cast out and shunned by both. But she didn’t add that part in. “What I’m tryna say is, think feeling that way is pretty standard. But while you do gotta stand up for yourself, you don’t always need to push. Once I stopped pushing, things got a lot...better.” She cracked what could have been interpreted as a smile, shrugging at the girl. “Don’t know, you seem pretty cool to me. Haven’t been hard to deal with at all.”

Marley chuckled. “Thank fuck.” She’d hate herself even more if she ended up sounding like one of those social workers, or, gods forbid, Peter. Her expression darkened, though, as Cass explained more. A hand unconsciously tightening on the plasticware she was holding, cracking under the force. She looked down at it and tried to inconspicuously drop them into the trash can behind them. “Yeah…” she swallowed, “too many of those. They stopped trying to place me in foster homes when I was thirteen and just put me in a juvenile detention home.” And she’d stayed, for far longer than she should’ve. She stayed and took the abuse because she’d still wanted, so badly, for someone to love her, to care about her, to want her. But no one had and she figured no one would. And so she’d left, because you really couldn’t keep a mara locked up anywhere, could you? “Must be a thing,” she said after a moment, “changing names. I changed mine, too. The couple that originally adopted me from Colombia apparently named me after my parents, gave me their last name on my birth certificate. Stuck through most of my homes, but I changed it when I left. Needed a fresh start.”

It was once the chatter behind them died out that Marley realized just how much she’d been talking to this girl, just how much she’d told her, as if the story inside of her had been begging to come out. She’d said things not even Erin knew about some of the things she’d said, because she knew Erin would get that look, that sad look of pain where she wished Marley’s life could’ve been better, but she couldn’t actually understand. Cass could, and she was so young, and Marley hated that. She shouldn’t have suffered, too. None of the people here should’ve suffered the way they did. She looked back towards her. “Only you get to decide that, now. If it was worth it or not. But I will say...don’t think staying somewhere you’re unwanted is ever for the better.”

The story, Cass knew, was a painfully common one. Kids like her, like Marley, they weren’t rare in the foster system. In many cases, they were the foster system. Kids, especially kids of color who wound up as wards of the state? They tended to stay that way. They stayed in the system until it chewed them up and spit them out. They aged out, they died there, they ran away. There were only so many ways stories like theirs ended. And maybe Cass and Marley had gotten the best possible endings available for them, but that still didn’t make those endings happy. That still didn’t make them fair.

“I was good at fitting in,” she offered with a small, humorless smile. “I was always good at reading people. I could look at a foster parent and just… know who they wanted me to be. And then I’d be that person. I’d turn myself into somebody I wasn’t, into whatever it was they were looking for so that they might want me. So that they might love me. And it’d work, for a while. They’d treat me like I was… theirs. But something always gave, in the end. It was never enough.” I was never enough. That was what it came down to, in the end. When you became exactly what a person wanted and they still wouldn’t keep you? It became necessary, at a certain point, to look at the common denominator. That was what her case worker always used to say, at least. “I think, after a while, I just… lost myself in it. That’s when I ran. When I looked in the mirror and didn’t know who I was seeing.” Their stories were contrasting here, opposite ends of a tragic spectrum. Marley, whose broken parts made her too different. Cass, whose broken parts helped her blend in. And both of them, at the end of the day, alone and on the streets. Both of them, years later, here on the other side of the table. “Yeah, well,” she chuckled, dry and bitter, “tell that to every foster parent who ever took me in. That’s what they’d always say, you know? I was hard to handle.”

Cass’s grin was genuine at Marley’s words, her chuckle lighter. “Yeah,” she agreed, “I’d never want to sound like that either. Those ‘chin up buttercup’ types were always the worst.” She’d met kids in the system like that — always short-term stays, ones whose situations were sad instead of tragic, who were just waiting on a relative to come pick them up or a parent to get their act together. Never kids like Cass, like Marley. Never the ones who were forgotten about. “They never officially stopped placing me with foster parents, but…” Cass trailed off with a rueful smile. “They got fewer and farther between. I think they were tired of wasting their time with me, in the end. Figured they’d have more luck placing a kid who’d… stick, I guess.” Because Cass never had. In spite of all her attempts to be exactly what people wanted her to be, she always ended up alone at the end of the day. “Do you know much about them? Your biological parents?” It had always been a big question for her, a thing that haunted her so much that the ghost felt like an old friend now, a familiar spirit. “They had… nothing, with me. Somebody left me at a firehouse. Like a walking fucking cliche.” There was an edge of bitterness to her voice at that, a hint of anger. Her mother and father had left her with nothing to help her find them, nothing to tell her who she was. Cass thought, sometimes, that she really ought to hate them for that.

She thought, sometimes, that it would be so much easier if she did.

The rush that had been in full swing when they arrived had died down now, people filtering out as they made their way off to find where they’d sleep for the night, where they’d let their stomachs settle with the food they’d been given. Normally, Cass would be eager to wind down herself right about now, ready to go home and put on her makeshift hero costume so she could patrol for the night. But talking with Marley felt easy, felt simple. She’d never had someone understand her so thoroughly before. The warmth in her chest was an unfamiliar one, but she hoped it would stay a while. “No,” she agreed quietly, “I don’t think that could ever be for the best. I’m happier now than I was then. That’s important, too.”

As Cass spoke, Marley couldn’t help but wonder what she meant by “reading” people. Normally, young children weren’t good at reading people that well, and she couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Cass wasn’t just human. She could easily find out, just one gaze in the eyes and Marley would know all of her secrets, all of her fears-- but her stomach actually churned at the thought of doing that to Cass and she quickly moved her gaze from her, suddenly worried she might accidentally fear gaze her. It had happened before, she wasn’t going to risk it.

“Could probably spout you some bullshit about how it never stuck cause you weren’t being your true self, yadda yadda, but, really, it’s just cause most people who become foster parents are shitty and lookin’ for a tax break.” At least, that’s what Marley had discovered in her time. It was always about money. Sure, there were probably good foster parents out there who genuinely wanted to help children in need, but they were few and far between, and Marley had never really been an optimist. Not since her first adoptive parents had dropped her back off at the group home and looked her in the eyes and told her she was a monster and that no one would ever love her. Madeline had died a few months later, but Marley didn’t find out until several decades had passed. She snorted. “Yeah, well, you shoulda seen how many times they wrote “hard to handle” in my adoption file. Just know it wasn’t your fault they couldn’t find a place. The system isn’t designed for people like us.” And maybe that meant more than orphaned and of color. “No,” she answered shortly, finding the topic of her parents perhaps something she didn’t want to share. “Just that they gave me up real easy. Took a nice sum lump of change and let some upper class American assholes take me.” And she hadn’t thought much about their reasoning for it. Maybe they were just trying to give her a better life, but when Marley looked back on things, she wondered if this was what they’d imagined when they thought things could be better. She didn't see how this was better. “Guess the common theme here is shitty parents. I, uh-- I’m sorry, though.” She swallowed. “That you had nothing.”

Marley thought of Morgan at the mention, at how much she loathed people who could always be so optimistic and outgoing. And underneath it wasn’t really hate that she had for them, it was jealousy. They’d seen something akin to kindness in their lives, and that’s where they got their sliver of hope from. Marley had never had that. She’d had it once and it had died right in front of her.

She followed Cass’s gaze out to the crowd that was now dwindling, filtering out to make space or because they needed to get somewhere warm before night fell. Night in this town was a dangerous time, Marley should know-- she was one of the things that was dangerous. “Sometimes that’s the best we can do,” she mumbled, “just get somewhere happier than we were.” And maybe Marley was still trying to do that, wondering if this was it. If this was the cap of her happiness, a content home with a woman she loved, still silently letting herself suffer on the side while she fulfilled a duty that had been ingrained in her mind from a young age. Marley was a monster, and it took a monster to know a monster. To kill a monster. She wasn’t any good for this kid, but still, she found herself reaching into her pocket and pulling out a piece of paper. She grabbed a pen from the clipboard of inventory and scribbled a phone number on it.

“Here,” she said, holding it out, “it’s my number. You ever need someone to talk to or a place to sleep that’s not comfortable, call me.” A pause. “Or if you get into any trouble. I don’t sleep much, so you can call anytime.”

There was something in Marley’s eyes that Cass couldn’t quite recognize, something that was deep and emotional and complicated. She wondered if she might be able to figure it out if she tried hard enough, if she might be able to read this woman like a mark and find out what she wanted here, but… The idea of doing it made her stomach clench and her palms itch. She’d never had any qualms about conning anyone before (save for some second thoughts about Bex), but the idea of even attempting to try her usual tricks on Marley felt wrong. It felt insincere in a way Cass had never cared about before. Maybe that was what it meant, to understand someone. To be understood.

“I’m pretty sure if I were my true self, they would have kicked me out sooner,” Cass snorted. The joke was half self deprecation, half brutal honesty because Marley was right. Most of the people who became foster parents, in Cass’s experience, weren’t in it out of the goodness of their hearts. At best, they wanted an extra sum in their bank account every month. At worst, they wanted an accessory to flaunt around until it went out of style. Neither was the right kind of motivation. Neither had ever given Cass — or, she suspected, Marley — anything she’d ever needed. “Mine probably looked the same. I wasn’t even that bad, you know? People just… needed an excuse to get rid of me.” It wasn’t her fault, just like it wasn’t Marley’s. And deep down, Cass knew that. But it was hard, wrapping your head around it. If you tell a child their whole life that there’s something wrong with them, they start to believe you. They grow into adults who write themselves off before they’ve begun at all. Cass was proof of that. Marley was proof of that. And being living proof of something, as it turned out, really fucking sucked.

Swallowing, Cass nodded. “That really sucks.” She was sorry she’d brought it up, sorrier that she wanted to ask more questions. There was a certain desperation to finding out the details of a story that sounded like yours, even if it wasn’t your own. Even if Marley’s situation wasn’t Cass’s at all. “It sounds like they were assholes, anyway. Right?” It was easier to think that, at least for her. It was easier to picture her biological parents as evil, selfish things because if she let herself think anything else… wouldn’t that just make everyone who’d ever left her behind right, in the end? “It’s okay,” she replied with a faint smile, even though it wasn’t. “I don’t even really think about them anymore,” she added, even though she did. Cass was a hell of a con artist, but these lies didn’t come off as anything resembling believable. They never really did. The one person she’d never been able to successfully con was herself.

“Sometimes,” she agreed quietly. Cass had a hard time, sometimes, imagining that anyone could ever be happy. Things would always go wrong. People would always leave, hearts would always be broken. But… If you could be happier one day than you’d been the day before, wasn’t that better? Didn’t that count for something? Her eyes darted over to Marley as she pulled out a slip of paper, watched as she scribbled on the page. Hesitantly, as if expecting it to be pulled back, she reached for it, took it carefully. Looking down at the numbers on the paper, she nodded and felt — decent. Felt happier than she’d felt yesterday. “Thanks,” she said quietly. “This is — You know I’m actually gonna use this, right? Like, I’m gonna blow up your phone. You might actually regret this, a little bit.” Her smile was more genuine than it had been before, brighter. And she felt lighter, she found, than she had when she’d entered. It was a good feeling. The kind she hoped would last.

Marley gave a chuckle. “Maybe that woulda been easier,” she shrugged. She’d been given up on at the mere age of 12, having left a wake of bodies and mentally disturbed foster parents behind her. Of course, no one could prove anything, but when every single home said their problems only started once they took Marley in, it was hard to ignore that she was the problem. She was a problem. She looked back out to the now nearly empty shelter and wondered if any of these people were better off for having left. How terrible were their situations? What had made them be on that said of the kitchen and not this one, with Cass and herself? “People will make up excuses for whatever they want,” she said after a moment, “doesn’t make ‘em right.” She didn’t really address anything more about her parents, though. Erin had been trying to encourage her to try and find them, but Marley’s apprehension came from a place of fear, something a creature like her wasn’t supposed to feel.

“You don’t have to lie to me,” she said, though, looking over at Cass. “Feels weird missing someone you don’t know, but…” a shrug, “someone told me once it’s normal to miss something you never had.” Something in her felt as if she wanted to reach out and ruffle Cass’s hair, but she refrained, finding the urge strange and unfamiliar. She cleared her throat and stuck her hands in her pockets. “You better use it. I don’t give just anyone my personal number, kid,” she said. At that, she actually cracked a smile-- a genuine, real smile, that cracked the corner of her lips and turned them up. “I regret quite a few things, but I get the feeling I won’t regret this,” she said as she turned to head towards the exit, “prove me wrong, though. Might be the first time someone has.”

#chatzy #wickedswriting #chatzy: cass #just add chili #cass #domestic abuse tw #child abuse tw #psychiatric abuse tw #we jsut started writing essays back and forth at one point #and no #we are not ashamed of it

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winchester-purgatory · 3 years

Text

Fake marriage, snobby mother and booty calls | Dean Winchester x OC

Summary: Awsten’ sister tells their parents she’s married - she isn’t. Dean accepts to play along when her parents comes to visit for dinner

Word count: 1670

Notes: I wrote this for the Christmas bingo I participated back in December but only now got to finish it

Dean Winchester wasn't husband material. He liked old cars, 80s rock music, had a bit of a drinking problem and had been in jail. He hated to wear ties, being more of a flannel kind of guy, and always had oil or grease stained hands from fixing cars.

Her mom was going to hate him.

He was also a bit of a ladies man, but that part didn't need to be mentioned at the Christmas gathering.

''Are you sure this is a good idea?’’

''You gotta be there,'' Awsten insisted, looking at Dean over the island countertop where they were having breakfast. ''My sister already told everyone I was married. I would be the family’s laughingstock if I they show up for dinner and there is no man in my apartment after such a big news.''

''I still don't get why you couldn't tell them it was a misunderstanding. Why make things complicated when they were initially simple?''

''Because they're from another generation and won't understand. They won't find it funny that we played the 'just married' card to get free alcohol. Or that we only hook up on the daily.'' The redhead sighed, taking a sip of her hot coffee. ''If Charlie hadn't tagged us on social media, my sister would've never seen the picture and caption...''

Dean reached out, squeezing Awsten’s bare thigh on the bar stool, and looked at her with apologetic eyes. ''Charlie’s really sorry. She didn’t think the picture would get to your family.''

''I know. It’s okay. I made my peace with it. Now, we just have to play pretend.'' She stood, taking her empty plate and putting it in the sink to wash later.

Today was going to be a long day and Awsten was dreading all of it. Having her parents and sister over for Christmas wasn’t part of her December plans. For the last two years, she had escaped the family reunions and had intended to do it again this year. She didn't hate her family, they were just so strict, judgemental and draining to be around.

She'd rather rent a cabin in the mountains with a couple friends - Charlie and Dean included. At least, that promised a lot of fun.

Dean joined her by the sink, doing the same with his dishes.

''Thank you for doing this, Dean.''

As insane as the situation was, Awsten was glad to have someone like Dean. Not everyone would have agreed to partake in her crazy plan and play married couple for the holidays, even for one night. And, he will definitely add some spice to her family's Christmas dinner.

''It was my idea in the first place to get the alcohol. And, I wasn’t going to say no to free turkey.''

Awsten scoffed. ''The turkey might be free, but you are helping me. I’m not gonna do all the hard work by myself, Winchester.''

''I would try to eclipse myself, but since you did most of the work last night, I guess I could help you for today,'' he said as he slid a hand under Awsten's tee shirt to cup one of her cheeks and gave it a small squeeze.

After six hours of chopping, whisking and seasoning, the faux-married couple were finally ready to receive Awsten’s family.

The redhead has put a red tablecloth to mask the chips on the wooden table, something that would've definitely not gone unnoticed by her mother, and pulled out the pretty candle set she had received three Christmases ago to decorate the center.

Dean lit up the Christmas tree filled with miscandellous, non-traditional ornaments and hoped no one would point out the missing Christmas crib under the tree. It was somewhere in the storage closet and Awsten didn't feel like fetching it.

As they were setting the table, Dean caught the silver ring on the redhead’s finger. ''Just so you know, I would've never offered you this cheap ass looking ring. My wife deserves something better than a plastic rock.''

Awsten narrowed her eyes. ''I did with what I had and with the time I had, Dean! I couldn't get myself a real wedding ring. Diamonds are hella expensive.''

''You didn’t even get me one.''

''I forgot. But, knowing my family, they won't even notice. They'll be too occupied looking elsewhere,'' she promised.

''You mean my charming smile?''

She glanced at his flannel and stubbles, both red flags in her mother's book. ''Among others.''

It was around six o’clock when the doorbell rang. Awsten smoothed her velvet dress and checked her lipstick in the hallway mirror before opening the door.

''How can you get married and not tell us? I didn't raise you like this,'' her mom asked, skipping the greetings and walking in like it was her own place.

Awsten contained herself, forcing a smile. ''Hello to you too, Mom…''

Richard and Emilie, Awsten’s dad and sister, followed inside, shutting the door behind. They shed peeled off their winter layers and hung them on the overflowing coat hanger.

The elder woman peered into the apartment, looking for the handsome man her daughter had married. ''Now, where is that husband of yours? We didn't make all that travel for nothing.''

''I’m right here, Mrs. Torres,'' Dean replied, coming to the entrance to greet the guests. He kissed both her mom and sister’s cheeks and shook hands with Richard, his politeness surprising the Torres.

Although he had succeeded to impress her with his politeness, Dean didn't earn Cecelia's approval. She gave him an up and down look, disapproval casting itself on her face almost immediately.

''Shall we move to the kitchen? Dinner is ready.''

''What's your career, Dean?'' Cecelia asked, attacking him with questions as soon as they sat down around the table.

The redhead gave her mother a dirty look, knowing exactly what she was doing. To most, it looked like Cecelia was being nice and trying to get to know Dean, but she was being a snake and trying to find valid reasons to not like Dean to back herself with when she’ll later confront Awsten.

Dean swallowed his bite before responding. ‘’I'm a mecanicien, ma'am. I work at my uncle's auto-shop.''

''Ah.'' She glanced at her cadet daughter and back to Dean, disapproval in her eyes. ''Are you planning on taking over the business?''

''I love cars, but owning an auto-shop isn’t in my plans for the future.''

''What is, then?''

''Owning a bar. Commercializing my own beer...or whiskey, perhaps. Something along those lines.''

''I assume you are studying business?'' Mr. Torres asked, suddenly taking interest in the conversation, owning himself a business.

Dean shook his head. ''No. I’m not in college, Sir. College isn’t for me.''

''How did you meet?''

''Was it like the movies? Your car broke and he repaired it?'' Emilie asked with a snicker, making fun of her sister.

Awsten glared at her. ''No. We met through Charlie, my roommate. You remember her? She and Dean are long date friends.''

As the dinner progressed, Cecelia’s disdain toward Dean was getting more and more apparent - and she made little efforts to hide her feelings.

''If you'll excuse us, I need a drink. Awsten, darling, will you come help me in the kitchen?'' She flashed Dean a forced, bitter smile and stood, heading to the kitchen for some privacy.

''You don't like him.'' taking a glass out of the cabinet to

''With reasons! Have you seen this guy? I don't know what you find in him. He looks like...a lumberjack. You are worth so much more than him, Awsten. Guys like him don't go far in life,'' she said in true Cecelia Torres fashion, always quick to judge others.

''Well, we're already married, Mom. What can you do?''

''Is this why you got married in secret? Because you knew we wouldn't approve.''

An unsurprised laugh left the redhead's lips. ''Of course you would think that… Yes, Mom, I married a guy solely to spite you.'' Awsten poured the strong alcohol in the glass, the amber liquid gliding over the baby Yoda shaped ice cubes. ''Is it so difficult for you to believe that I love Dean? Just because I was raised in high society doesn't mean I wish to follow that kind of life.''

Cecelia huffed. ''You say that now, but you'll change your mind.''

''I doubt it.''

''Did he...force you into this? Marrying him.''

Awsten's eyes widened. She couldn't believe the words that left her mother's mouth. ''I'm leaving. You're being crazy.'' She took the drink she had prepared for her mother and left the kitchen, needing it.

''What about my drink?''

''Congratulation, Mom hates you. You’re everything she didn’t want for me.''

''Aw, damn,'' Dean said with sarcasm, helping Awsten clean up. ''I thought I had made a good impression.''

The redhead bit back a smile. ''I’m sorry for how she behaved toward you. For the way she talked about you. She’s insufferable sometimes.''

Dean shook his head. ''Don't apologize for her. I don't care what she says about me.'' He brought the leftovers to the fridge, trying to control his grin at the thought of stealing a tupperware of turkey for his lunch tomorrow. ''And it's not like we really are married - not that I'd care more then.''

''Now you get why I never visit my family. They're all similar variants of my mother.''

''They say family wants the best for you, but it's not always the case. I've stopped caring about others' opinion of me long ago. I can take a snobby mother who believes I forced her daughter into marrying me.''

Awsten stopped washing the plate, her stomach dropping. ''Oh no... You heard that?''

Out of all the disgusting things her mother had said tonight, this took the crown. Awsten had hoped Dean hadn't heard, but the kitchen wasn't very soundproof.

She opened her mouth to apologize once again, but Dean beat her.

''Don't say it.'' He turned around to face the redhead, eyes soft on her. ''She can assume whatever she want of me, but I'm still your main booty call,'' Dean added with a smirk.

''Dean!'' She hit his shoulder at his crude words, holding back a smile.

He shrugged and continued what he was doing.

#dean winchester #dean winchester fic #reader x dean winchester #dean x reader #dean winchester x reader #supernatural fic #fake marriage au

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vventure · 4 years

Text

Noted

Pairing: Yaoyorozu Momo x f!reader

Genre: domestic!AU, Fluff, tiny bit of Angst

Word Count: 1.1k

Warnings: None

Summary: Life with a pro-hero means less time together, but Momo always has time to leave you her thoughts before she goes on patrol.

A/N: Happy Birthday, @writeiolite / @seijoh !!! Io, it has been such a pleasure to get you know you!! I know I don’t tell you a lot but I really appreciate you and I love chatting with you even if it’s just through discord and comments in fics. You always have a way of brightening up a room. I hope your birthday is as amazing as you are, I love you so very much! I didn’t really proof read this so sdkflksdf The graphics at the end were created by me, so please don’t judge them too harshly. My handwriting is TRASH.

“If I know what love is, it is because of you.” -Hermann Hesse

Trilling high notes emitting from your phone pierced your sleeping ears, causing you to turn into the warmth beside you as morning light dispelled the darkness behind your once shut eyelids. Momo’s inky hair marred the surface of her pure white pillow as she slept through your alarm; all sounds were muted through her ear plugs, and her eyes were guarded from the daylight by a black mask with kitten ears on it.

As much as you’d love to lay forever in the plush clouds of the large bed, being late to work wasn’t ideal. Propping yourself up on your arm, you leaned over your girlfriend's slumbering form, taking in the way that her plush pink lips moved as though she were speaking with someone in her dream.

When you’d first started living together she often had nightmares: thrashing and screaming before her eyes snapped open to the reality of the dark bedroom and your hands gripping her firmly in an effort to ground her. It seemed now that the nightmares were becoming few and far between and you hoped that it was your comfort that made it so.

The scent of her expensive floral conditioner dancing along your senses as you ghosted a wispy kiss along her smooth cheekbone before rolling out of bed for the day.

“I love you,” you voiced to her blocked senses.

She’d been working evening patrols for nearly a month and it was difficult to adapt to rarely seeing her in your shared apartment while awake. Work was the typical 9-5 on your part, so moments shared in the past such as eating takeout at the dining room table or watching your favorite k dramas before falling asleep in her lap were on-hold until further notice.

You hoped her schedule would change soon and things would go back to how they used to be. Her absence from your life was taking a toll and you didn’t particularly want to tell her in fears of putting more of a burden on her heavily laden shoulders. You could deal with this on your own, right?

When Momo woke that afternoon she let out a heavy sigh to the empty bed space beside her, running her fingers along the now-cool fabric where you always lay. She began her morning routine, going through the motions of brushing her teeth and hair, slipping on her hero costume, and having a bite to eat.

Her mind was occupied with thoughts of your tittering laugh through the capacious apartment and the way that you’d fiddle with your hair whenever you talked to her. She thought about how you insisted on going for walks in the evening for exercise when she knew it was a ploy to get her to buy you your favorite flavor of boba tea. Thoughts of your supple skin under her roaming hands as you basked in the faint glow of the copious candles in your bedroom kept her company as she sipped her coffee.

A feeling of happiness bubbled suddenly in her chest when she thought about the news she’d received the day, and she imagined your face brightening as she told you.

You were still at the forefront of her mind as she slipped through the front door, neglecting a very important part of her morning routine.

*It should be here*, you thought to yourself as you gaped at the fridge in confusion.

Did she forget today? Probably. But what if she just didn’t want to do it anymore? What if this was too much of a hassle for her and this was her way of stopping it: cold turkey.

Your heart plummeted to your stomach as your eyes tracked along the front of the fridge slowly once more, taking in the usual decorations magnetized to its surface.

A picture from New Years of you kissing in your coordinated dresses, a magnet from the trip to Seoul you’d convinced her to go on with you after graduating from UA, the menu from your favorite take-out place, and no post-it note.

The long nights away patrolling must have been the catalyst for this. Momo never missed her daily post-it note to you ever since you’d started dating back in the final year of high school. It began with a simple pink post-it with the word “Hey” on it accompanied by a cheery smiley face on your desk when you arrived at your first class of the day one morning. You’d caught a glimpse of her leaving the general studies classroom that day but didn’t question it at first.

The notes continued to appear until you finally confronted her with a small smile on your face and the latest note adhered to your pointer finger. It was a lop-sided kitty-cat, her number hastily scribbled onto the bottom in pencil.

Pressing your hand to your chest, you walked to the bedroom and pulled the fattened black sketchbook from its habitat in your bedside table before plopping into the middle of the bed and cracking it open.

There they were, all of the sticky-notes she’d ever given you together in order. Your mind was moving through scenarios at a million miles a minute as you stared down at the colored papers, committing your relationship to memory before your eyes failed you and you fell asleep.

Tingles running down your spine pulled you from sleep, your eyes landing on Momo’s angelic face, her black hair hanging in a halo around the both of you. Your head was in her lap and she was running her finger nails over your scalp soothingly to wake you gently.

“Hello, [Y/n],” she said, her lips quirking into a smile.

“Oh, hi,” you replied. Sitting up from her lap, you turned to face her. That’s when you noticed that she had your book of notes sitting next to her on the duvet. She placed a well-manicured hand upon it.

“I...didn’t know you kept them all. I honestly thought that you threw them out once you read them. I didn’t know that they meant enough to you to keep,” she spoke softly.

“Of course they do,” you said, reaching out to place your palm over her smooth knuckles. “They’re from you. But I understand that it’s probably too much-”

“I forgot your note today,” she cut you off. “My mind was elsewhere all morning, but I have it if you’ll still accept it.”

Much like the day you held the note with the cat out to her, she held a pink post-it out on her pointer finger to you. All the dire thoughts you’d been nursing after work disappeared as you plucked the note from her finger, absorbing the words there.

“Really?” Your surprised voice came out a little thickly as happy tears pooled in your eyes.

“Really,” she said as she leaned forward to press a soft kiss to your lips.

You could deal with life on your own, but it was better with her.

#Momo Yaoyorozu x reader #Yaoyorozu Momo x reader #Yaoyorozu Momo #Momo Yaoyorozu #BNHA x reader #MHA x reader #BNHA #mha

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mental-health-advice · 4 years

Note

i have a toxic relationship with my ex. when we dated, he constantly failed my expectations, and in return i think i pushed him and was probably mean and manipulative, which is disgusting of me but i couldn’t stop, i liked the control and more than that i wanted him to fight back but he never did. now he just really really annoys me? i try to ignore him but we did have a relationship and i keep thinking about him or responding to his texts so i can feel that sense of “superiority”. i’m horrible

Hello there,

This sound super confusing for you to be dealing with right now, having two conflicting thoughts about the issue in wanting to act in a certain way but not wanting to feel like that. It is always really difficult to deal with a past relationship, particularly if there is still that contact between you. I think one of the best things perhaps for you to do is kind of go cold turkey, and stop communication with him. I would maybe give him a heads up and say that you’re working on yourself and moving forward and so you’re going to block his number as you don’t want to have him texting you while you try and move on. Give him some sense of where you’re at so that hopefully he too can focus on going forward also.

One thing which I think is admirable and really brave is acknowledging the types of negative thoughts, behaviours and feelings you had when you were in that relationship and it mustn’t be easy to to do be really honest with yourself rather than dismissing it or justifying it. It sound as though you maybe had/have a bit of a superiority complex with him i.e. you being too good for him, you wanting to reinforce the ideas that you were too good and he wasn’t meeting expectations etc, wanting to still remind him even past the relationship that you feel superior to him. When we think about superiority complexes though, its typically to mask a feeling of actually feeling bad about yourself and masking insecurity, so this is maybe something you should look inwards on for some clarification.

I don’t know a lot about your situation and exactly how you’re thinking or feeling, but here is a link for an article which kind of lays out what a superiority complex looks like, where it stems from, what it can be mistaken for (i.e. alternative explanations for thoughts/behaviour) and how to ‘treat’ it. It’s not actually a diagnosis as far as I can understand it, but more of a umbrella term for the thoughts, feelings and behaviours. If you don’t think that this is similar to what you are experiencing, you are totally fine to skim over this - again, we’re not professionals or qualified, so these are all just suggestions of where to turn to find some help.

I think that what might be useful for you is to try and use corrective thoughts, and not have these feelings to then think that you’re a bad person. So when you feel like you want to text him back to feel superior, try not to say ‘oh I’m a horrible person’, instead correct your thought. Maybe try saying “Texting him back won’t prove I’m superior. Instead, I will go and reorganise my wardrobe and find sources of pride and accomplishment in healthy and productive activities” or you could say “It is not healthy or kind to find feelings of superiority through hurting others, I recognise I’ve had this thought and I am now reminding myself that this thought is not helpful to me and my growth as a person.”

We all think bad things sometimes and get urges to do things that are not beneficial to ourselves or others, but it’s trying to correct our thinking and controlling our actions that is important. If you really find yourself struggling with this and worry you find it difficult to let go of feeling this superiority, or getting a grip on your actions because of this, talking to a professional might be a good way forward to get some medically evidenced advice and support, particularly if it’s interfering in your day to day life.

I hope this has been helpful to you, and remember that you can always work on personal growth and moving past old thoughts, behaviours and relationships - who you were in that relationship doesn’t have to be who you’re going to be today.

Take Care,

Hollie x

#mhahollie #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #toxic relationship #ex #superiority

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mocharoll · 5 years

Text

Sidestep x M!Ortega Shenanigans Part 2?!! <3

My babies are back! I swear it had an almost legit plot but it got lost along the way when they started arguing about coffee lmaoo

Summary: Local sparkle boi makes the surprised Pikachu face when his tired disaster villain practices self-acceptance.

Second person Sidestep POV, coffee vice, romanced Ricardo

WARNING: POSITIVE. MIGHT WANT TO WEAR PROTECTIVE GLOVES OR SMTH

“Penny for your thoughts?” Ortega gently pulls you up and away from the tendrils lurking within your mind before they had a chance to strike.

“Hm?” you try to sound nonchalant, breathing in sharply and straightening your back. “Nothing. Just wondering if that last vanilla latte was a good idea.”

“Liar,” he has to call you out for it, but even the annoyed raise of your brow does nothing to mask the flickering curve on your lips. He catches that too, the endearing idiot, and beams right back at you. “Told you you shouldn’t drink so much coffee.”

You scoff and deny, of course. “I don’t drink that much. But that was just too much sugar in one go.” You roll your tongue against the roof of your mouth to coax out the lingering taste of vanilla syrup and make a face. “It’s a wonder I could taste the coffee through it at all.”

Ortega shrugs. “It wasn’t so bad, but you rarely put sugar in anything. Getting the most sugary drink in the menu was bound to go poorly,” he glances at you. “And you do drink too much coffee.”

You bury your fists deeper into your pockets in silent acceptance. “You know how it went when I tried to lay off of it last time. I’m not too keen on going through that again.”

He sighs, more to himself than anyone else. “Me neither. Going cold turkey never ends well. But,” He turns to you. “Have you considered seeing a doctor about it? Maybe there’s another reason why it went so wrong.”

You grunt. “You know how much I hate hospitals.” You already have a few theories of your own about why it had been so difficult. It probably had something to do with the sudden change in your caffeine intake, which already has noticeable side effects on a regular person, and ended up wreaking a complete havoc on the cognitive and mental faculties of a “unique” telepath such as you. Besides, getting over your caffeine addiction is the least of your worries, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“I do,” he says, making you jump. You were hoping he hadn’t noticed, but the way he lowers his voice apologetically says otherwise. Idiot. “Why don’t you at least talk to Dr. Finch about it? I’m sure she can point you in the right direction on how to tackle this, maybe direct you to someone else.”

Why is he going on about this? Wasn’t it enough the first time? You massage your temples. “It’s just coffee, Ortega.”

He comes to a halt so abruptly that you have to stop as well. “You passed out.”

Okay, alright. Maybe relapsing back to caffeine after a week of abstaining to stay up for two nights in a row to work on the casino heist, then proceeding to pass out in Ortega’s arms in the middle of some street was not your proudest moment. But then again, when did you last have those? You attempt to shoo his worry away with a lazy flick of your hand. It doesn’t work.

“I’m worried for you, Morgan,” His words are too soft. Too tired to argue anymore.

You look at him, and the quip you had formed freezes behind your throat. Once you would have thought he was trying to take control of your own life. That he could see so little strength in you that he felt entitled to do all the work himself.

But that was before.

You meet his warm brown eyes, worry weaved with a spark of something else entirely, making your breath catch. You know better now.

He narrows his eyes when he sees you staring, and tilts his head curiously, a smile tugging at his lips despite himself. Smiling back to you. You didn’t even notice you were smiling.

“You’re right.” You hear someone say, strangely confident, powerful.

Was that you? Did you just… admit that you’ve done something dumb? To Ortega? Now you’re in for it.

Is this what the truth feels like on your lips?

There’s a pause as Ortega just blinks at you.

“What.”

Is this what you’re trying to do? Create the illusion that despite being riddled with so many cracks, you’re slowly starting to heal? That you’re scraping the scar tissue which you had once deemed too tough to stitch and putting yourself back together? Have you become so cruel as to create another layer to your mask, another lie, because you’re too much of a coward to break his heart again?

If so, why are you still smiling?

Maybe you owe him, and yourself, to say what he needs to hear, no matter how much truth there is to it.

Maybe he’s not the only one that does.

You can’t afford to be so careless with yourself again. At least not until you’re done. If not for yourself, do it for him. Just a while longer.

Your eyes slide to Ortega, gazing at you in smug astonishment.

Maybe a bit longer than that.

“You’re-,” you trail off, saying it once is enough for one day, or rather a year, and instead decide to gesture with your hand to get the point across as vaguely as possible. He picks up on it of course, the cheeky bastard.

“I’m not talking to any doctors,” you continue before he could try and say anything, but it doesn’t seem like he was. “But I’m… okay with trying again.”

“That’s all I ask.” He smiles tenderly. “And if you need anything, you know I’m always here for you.”

Sappy old man, doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

“Idiot.” You say fondly, to give him an idea.

He just hums brightly, seemingly satisfied with your answer, and turns to continue walking.

The silence that settles around the two of you should have been a comfortable one, but instead you feel it descend densely in your lungs.

“You were speaking from experience.” You manage. It’s not a question.

His eyes lose focus, making him look older, tired. “I did a lot of things back then that I regret,” he says, not quite looking at you. “That was no exception.” He blinks and shakes his head as if to shake off his own demons that threatened to creep up on him, a gesture that by now you’re all too familiar with. You feel a tentacle of dread flutter inside your chest. Since when did you get so soft as to allow the pain of others affect you? No, this isn’t just any person. This is Ortega, Ricardo, the complete and beautiful idiot of a man that dared to pull you up to your feet even though you kept pushing down. You were partners first. Then friends. Best friends that fell in love with each other. Enemies. And now… Something else.

And that’s all your fault.

But maybe it’s true. Maybe there’s nowhere left for you to go,

but up.

So you reach out and slip your arm through his. You feel him breathe deep and melt into your touch, the weight on his shoulders dissipating. He holds you back, his mind a steady static, his warmth already seeping through the fabrics and into your bones as you walk under the warm rays of the evening sun and the rising waxing moon. You can feel his smile on you.

You are so, so screwed.

#fallen hero #fallen hero: rebirth #fallen hero: retribution #sidestep #ricardo ortega #chargestep #morgan bui #emotionally and mentally healing!Ortega #emotionally and mentally healing!Sidestep #you know its not a chargestep fic if you don't say idiot at least three times #i love them?!#scribbles

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crackcrocs · 3 years

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DEATH WILL ONLY BE THE BEGINNING #2

2.Disconnected/ Dissociation/ Depersonalisation / Darkness

Most days I'm not sure that I would choose to look after me... I would like to give up and scream.

consistent healing with mental health is the most frustrating thing. like how do you justify yourself to the people getting annoyed at you for your tics when you barely even know what a tic is and why you’re doing what you’re doing? people never believe your explanations, or it would take them studying you to see the reality of the depth of suffering, why I’m doing these annoying things and it is hard to explain. I can’t say that I can’t control it because that’s not completely true- it’s not like a muscle spasm completely out of control, its more of an impulse a bit like OCD behaviour. My brain follows mental patterns n finds it difficult to not get out of the cycle. its like scratching at a mosquito bite where yeah technically you can just not scratch it but it feels agonising not to and takes all your concentration not to do.

I’ve been more uncomfortable with the idea of being a person lately. i can’t conceptualise time so I get this feeling sometimes where its like , I hate the fact that I’m a person and I exist and it usually makes me super confused & I go into a misty state of mind where everything feels like it’s piling up leaving me anxious n too deep & I just feel too disconnected from everything. I feel lost when I look at my limbs; they grow heavier.

I personally try to spend as little time looking in the mirror as possible because it can be a big trigger for my dissociation. but taking pictures of my day/ what I’ve eaten helps me remember i have been present in the long run. This is why I have a complex relationship with social media, sometimes when I go on it I get depressed even though I want to be active. I cope by only looking in the mirror with other people there or when I have a specific reason to. It’s like I know my soul but my physical form confuses me.

I don’t even tell my friends I’m dissociating any more cause it’s just,, a given. I feel really embarrassingly bad. It’s one of the few things with my mental health that I try and minimise and hide from my friends- but I end up hiding myself as a whole, when my soul wants to be present but my body doesn’t know how to comply. I’m really sorry people have to deal with that, it’s so scary to be disconnected.

it’s annoying to have sucky mental health cos even when I want to get help I get embarrassed & feel ashamed that my brain is the way it is. I feel like a burden, or I don’t care enough about myself to believe I deserve help & to be healthy & mentally okay. I often realise the depth of self hate & my brain tells me I’d be better off dead.

I feel forced to engage in ‘the caste system of life’ . As humans were just expected to ‘keep calm and carry on’ but I’m genuinely tired. I can’t grasp that I ever used to work 2 jobs in a day at one point, I can’t grasp how. I feel an immense amount of distress about having to work in these times too, it’s like finally my mental is free to roam to whichever corner it deserves to feel peace without having to mask at all times, finally I get some extra time to organise my journals and paint & we’re actually still being made to feel obligated to go about our days as if everything is normal, while being tuned into a fear frequency. I feel like so many things are obfuscated with absolute lies & it’s hard to go on just because you have to but not cos you actually desire it.

I’m a great worker & communicator when I do have the energy, but I don’t have any dream job because I don’t dream to slave away to a capitalist system that perpetuates all kind of nonsense, i dream to dismantle it. Which I know I can’t do, so then I feel powerless, insignificant & small. for now I just can’t be arsed doing anything. maybe deep down I still have hope.

I’ve become more pessimistic that optimistic,I receive these death threats from my brain too In really dumb moments, & I’m like oh my gosh we have to just keep washing dishes & putting them away & putting more food in them & doing this over & over until we die.

I am someone that needs people but I have these silly built in coping mechanism. it’s like this character in my brain needs to hop to the recharge centre,it often wants to hide in my mental cavern of preservation because it feels like it’s disconnected from everything else. like how is everyone holding up jobs or education ? how will I be able to have all these good times & spoil my family & friends like I want to, if I can’t hold up a job ? why can’t my head not be such a bloody mess & why can’t I seem to conform to normality ??? My brain starts asking the questions, my brain starts caving away.

Even a long time ago my brain stopped planning for a future past 30 because of my individual situation & traumas, and mainly because the world is a horrible illusion once you grow & realise how truly powerless & insignificant it makes you feel. dissociation turns my memories into flat, unconvincing shadows.

thankfully I haven’t gave up & I’m still here with a bit more of a desire to go on- but only because of the inspiring creative loving caring people that surround me. over the years I’ve come across marvellous souls & I have the most beautiful family I could ever ask for. i would never want to seem ungrateful. I know the whole saying of ‘silence speaks volumes’ but as someone who’s always felt like they need to explain themselves for their entire life, I’ve learned that sometimes silence is necessary, to be able to fully be yourself & uplift the people in your life, you need to learn how to be comfortable & confident with your own self. I’m washing away my Shame and painting my shell shiny y’all!!!! Soon come you’ll see the armour I’ve been working on in the flesh.

My silences are not done in a sense of ‘I need to work on me only & FIRST, THEN I can worry about you’ but a ‘I’ve never put myself first & ALSO need to worry about me the way I worry about you I want all of us to eat together, I just don’t wanna be that friend that feels like they’re holding people back from doing things because I’m on pause. and of course there’s the fact that compromise is necessary to make friendships work, I want to make time & be present.

I don’t feel obligated(I genuinely do want to be there) but in my head for things to run smoothly for everyone’s sake there needs to be consistency(I don’t wanna lose the people I love & want to grow with them) but someone said to me consistency is just obligation sprinkled. and sometimes it just be like that, I hate how all my messages start with ‘so sorry for these late replies’ I hate it. the people pleaser always feels the need to explain but i feel bad because I feel like I’ve let them down already & that I didn’t intend or want to ignore them I just have a terrible relationship with my phone,social media & I’m one of the worst communicators I know, even though In person & in a comfortable atmosphere-I’m someone who can speak for the whole of both Scotland and Tanzania. I have a very all or nothing type brain.

most time I’m restless too and its like..i get hyper aware of all my surroundings and its really scary and emotional for a little bit but then i just start dissociating hella and it sucks ,, it’s become a normal state of mind or thing my brain does to sort of reject humanity and stuff & when I do ‘zone out’ there has to be a sense of awareness in my brain, I care a lot & I’m aware that those on the other side will feel left the dark from the other end.

I just get embarrassed n I don’t wanna ‘be the fuck up’ even though my brain actively just keeps doing it. I’m not even exaggerating sometimes the anxiety builds up because some eedyat from my past that I wanted to avoid messages me. or because I can’t reply to all my people at once. (I have people & connects from Tanzania, Turkey & Scotland) so my messages will pile up & then I don’t know how to start the replies & then I freak out & feel like a failed shitty friend, I also don’t wanna be selective because I WANT to speak & hear from everyone I do maintain contact with, but then my brain dissociates.

sexual abuse, physical & narcissistic abuse sucks. It doesn’t control me - but it’s shaped a part of my brain. for the time’s I’ve had to ‘cope’ & go to work as if everything is okay, further masking. the times as a kid I felt like I’d get punishment or a beating for answering back or doing something or being disobedient or ‘wrong’, it fuelled my ability at being able to mask more. I could lie for as long as I could so remember thanks to pedo paul- he also distorted & lured me into feeling easy & comfortable in highly alarming uncomfortable scenarios no child should ever have to experience.

being myself fully, feeling comfortable to be myself & explain my brain has never been easy.

another example that also made me be able to mask, is growing up in a ‘perfect’ looking family with much more dysfunction than I realised the older I aged. there isn’t necessarily a lack of connection in my family-we have a lot of love & togetherness, we know how to be a team. we’re a fast & fierce intelligent,compassionate bunch & I’m thankful enough to have 2 very understanding parents that will listen..I could’ve spoken to them about certain things earlier, I wish I did but I can’t go back. I forgive & hope they forgive me for there were still years where I felt judged, or like I’d be disowned.

I think it’s invalidating for parents to write off the so called ‘teen phase’ phase as the result of hormones and irrational teenage anger.

We now have more of a relationship yet there’s still that disconnect or connect only when I’m communicating with one of them at a time (depending on the subject matter/ setting).i can still chill with them both but sometimes chat feels forced. they have given me the reassurance that I’ll never be judged with what I share. Though at one point I felt (or in my head) like the downer child, they did project feelings of shame which I think stemmed from a ‘place of concern’ - and that was due to a lack of familial friendship. Both my parents were made to be parents & did a damn good job at raising us because despite the flaws. we remain tough, empathetic, polite,sensible, witty, charming, fun, respectable & decent which are all qualities from both of their seed.

I think they both deserved different loves or a more open one. because you see it sometimes felt they could’ve put their parent badge aside and talk to me like a friend, I’m not sure if all my siblings felt the same but I did. I’m also thankful for all the lessons & can’t discount my parents parenting, they are great. I’m not saying they failed, I just think that if you want your child to communicate with you, there needs to be a sense of comfort ability for them to be able to open up. If you force them to speak while you’ve ingrained fear, you end up pushing them further away. I guess to an extent the whole ‘ingrain’ fear into your child so they can respect you does work, but this creates sneakier children too- finding ways to get away with things because they’re worried you’ll get them in trouble for doing so. so if the communication lessens as the child grows, it’s because they didn’t feel understood, despite being listened to. Anyways I love my family still, I’m just an over thinker & sometimes I feel like there’s a lack of soul level conversation & genuine laughter. there’s grudges held but not expressed so then the atmosphere of the household begins to feel stuffy. whether or not everyone realises it, whether it’s because different personality types clash in the house, a bunch of reasons perhaps. But yeah in terms of dissociating & tying masking into it, it would happen whenever I felt in danger or like someone would think i was not good enough and hurt me.

sometimes I can be dry & just wanna listen to my peoples. but I feel like I always need to talk because of my people pleaser brain that also feels the need to fill in silences or feels rude when it doesn’t respond but the reality is sometimes my brain doesn’t allow me to be able to be consistent with social media, messaging, calls etc- I have a disconnect from social media even tho part of me loves the concept so much & the communication aspect is such a bonus (especially with international friends & family£ in turn my life feels like a dramatic podcast. for a while now there’s been more a mentally tired feeling that reigns over my brain, it all just gets a bit blurry so I have this habit of ‘checking out’ when I feel like I’m under stress & there’s a chance of more overloaded- it sort of makes my brain disengage even more. for some people reality checks help, for others they make things worse. personally when I don’t feel good enough I start convincing myself I already failed & that I’m not worthy of my family n friends & all that yap, the brain mould grows!! whenever stress arises or my awkward brain starts conspiring against itself- the zone out will begin.

I don't even realise the weight of my words, how serious and ugly it is. I am floating around. for years. I don't remember what feeling real is like. I feel like everything is fake and even though I matter I’m unimportant until I wear my skin of confidence & the that life is a game. I want to be able to feel like a normal person and believe myself, to believe that life isn’t a dream. I can't. I am just floating all the time. I just want to feel real for once and not so fake.

I do use listening to music or a podcast as a coping strategy so i have something engaging for my brain to focus on. music grounds me when de realisation gets really bad. but then there’s always knowing that more and more is just piling up. It’s like an outer body experience where you’re watching your lifeless body turn blue & there’s a timer with spilling sand but you’re frozen.

I feel this pattern from childhood of escapism is gash coming into adulthood, feeling everything so intensely can genuinely get overwhelming my heart feels like a racing car. I’m keen & determined though. I’m hopefully going to learn more about the brain, human impulses, how we think, because learning about humans helps me understand why I do things more, and that sort of seems to help. I wanna be strong enough for the people I love, I want to support them in tough times too I just don’t always have conversations- I’m sorry. being half there isn’t nice,neither fun.

I also keep thinking there’s some bigger /thing/ Reason for the universe, maybe waiting for the aliens or government to blow us up with the push of a button lol. I spend more time thinking about the afterlife but don’t do enough in my present one. most days I feel like life is a game boy. Is there a reason why everyone does what they do etc? Is society too dead to mend ? Remembering that it’s just the laws of the universe (human instinct, physics) controlling everything can help me. The master key system helps. Vsauce Thoughty2, Dr Phil Valentine and Brother Panic, Infinite waters,studying, art, music & generally scrolling through youtube helps lol. but I really wonder does anyone else feel like they are interacting with the world but their head is wrapped in plastic, so they can see and hear but are still totally but imperceptibly separated from the world, so they just can’t quite..connect?

#LCZABIBU #deathwillonlybethebeginning

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alexiela73 · 6 years

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Could I request Reinhardt, McCree and Roadhog with s/o who relapsed? I haven't self-harmed in months but relapsed today bc things haven't been so great... I just want to know what my boys would think of it. Thank you if you write this! I'm really sorry if this makes you uncomfortable. Nonetheless I hope you have nice weekend

Hello, love, and I can certainly try. I myself have not done self-harm but I have close friends who have. And I want you to know that your brave and beautiful, no matter what you do. It isn’t healthy, but we sometimes do what we have to just to feel anything. And the fact that you continue on living is matters.

Reinhardt:

Is a huge cuddle bug

When they say he is a teddy-bear, they mean it

All he loves is holding you

The man worships the very ground you walk upon

Since meeting and falling in love with him, you have barely if ever gotten the urge to do self harm

Reinhardt makes you so happy, honestly

But that doesn’t mean there isn’t those days

Some days are so difficult

So emotionally draining

That you feel like a ghost walking among the living

Its so hard on those days to resist the urge

Usually you do, but at one point you can’t stop yourself

The cut feels so good. It soothes the pain inside you, and is easier to bandage then your poor heart.

“My love,” you hear quietly beside you and you jump

Shame fills you when you see your lover standing there

His eye is sad, and gently he takes your hand

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, unsure of what else to say. “I just…sometimes…”

Reinhardt shakes his head and kneels so that the two of you can be face to face

One hand cups your cheek, the other holding your arm

“I am not angry, my love. It just hurts to see you cause yourself pain. But I will not judge you,” Reinhardt says gently, holding you in his arms

For a moment you could only stare before you sniffled

It was so different, having someone who didn’t judge you for this

To have someone who loved you no matter what you did

McCree:

This cowboy loves you to pieces

Your his buttercup

This man loves to bring you flowers and chocolates

Or show up unexpectedly at your work place

Also likes showing off his pistol whenever other people flirt with you

Although you still did self-harm at the very beginning of your relationship, you haven’t in a really long time

Something about Jesse makes you so happy

So calm

The urge just hasn’t been there

And when it does, you think of him and usually manage not to do it

But this time, the day had been rough

You couldn’t escape the urge

So in the safety of your bedroom you did it

It hurt, and you felt a mixture of both shame and relief

In the end though, you felt bad

So when McCree got back from a mission, you sat down with him

At first, you were hesitant to share

But soon the words poured out of you

How you had done self harm before, how it had helped you when nothing else did, and how falling for him had made you stop

How he always made you feel better

How you had given into the urge

After a moment, McCree asked to see it. You showed him your arm, the slice there from once of the razors in the bathroom

Gently his finger traced it and instead of getting angry, he kissed you

“Thank you for telling me. I appreciate that you trusted me with this,” Jesse had said gently. “Just, the next time you feel like that…call me, okay baby? I’ll do whatever I need to, to make that feeling go away.”

After a second you nodded and snuggled into his arms, glad he wasn’t angry.

Roadhog:

The two of you had a quiet relationship

There was a lot of love in it

You were probably the only one who ever heard him talk so much

And even that still wasn’t a lot

The two of you found peace in each others silence

And comfort in each others presence

There was nothing you could not confide to each other

Roadhog was aware of your self harm before you two started dating

Obviously he hadn’t approved

But he did not judge you for it

Life was hard. You did what you needed to

Although he didn’t ask for it, you promised not to do it again

And for the longest time, you haven’t

Cold turkey was easy at first

But lately its been a bit rougher and Roadhog has been on the road for a week or two now

You miss him so badly, and its just been hectic since he left

You couldn’t stop yourself

You sat in the bathroom, and felt guilty every moment

Guilty except for the moment when it happened

You ended up calling him while he was on the road

You cried, honestly

You felt so bad, like you had broken your promise

Would he be mad? The last thing you could handle was him upset with you

But there was a soft grunt before Roadhog spoke

“I could never be angry at you, y/n,” he said, voice deep. It was clear he’d taken off his mask.

“I didn’t mean to be gone so long. I’m almost home, okay? I’m proud of you, no matter what,” Roadhog said seriously.

It only made you tear up more. You cried until he got home hours later, and hugged you tightly

It was so good having him in your life

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thenickelportrust · 7 years

Text

Lucy’s Perspective Short

This sucks.

It’s a goddamn stupid thought but at least it keeps me from tearing apart the alcohol soaked cloth that I press to my side. The armor was ridiculously difficult to get off… but that probably had something to do with the fact that my shoulder still looks a little too sideways for my liking. Probably dislocated. Damn.

Now the shirt underneath is plastered to my side and soaked a deep red. Doesn’t matter. I’ll be there soon enough and I can change once I return home. I struggle to keep from crushing the doorknob to the discreet black building, Mambo wouldn’t be happy if I did that again and I’m sure loyal customer service can only cover so many ‘destruction of public property’ additions to my tab. Still, I can’t keep it from getting dented in the process.

Lucky for me the waiting room is nearly empty, Tango shoots me a cheery glance from her place guarding the door, lifting the rifle strapped across her chest in a kind of half-greeting. She’s holding it tightly- I wonder if there was some trouble earlier today?

“Vicky!” One of the three others in the waiting room stands up on her chair, waving to me enthusiastically. Oppenheimer’s left arm dangles by her side, the red hoodie she wears soaked an even darker color. Even with only two others in the room she makes it a point to sit as far away as possible, with her back to the wall, suspiciously eyeing the others. One of whom I recognize- Bugbite, cradling his carapace armor with nasty looking cuts dotting the few parts of his skin that poke out from a shattered mask.

I nearly collapse into the chair next to her, it takes all my strength- even enhanced as it is- to keep myself upright as the final shreds of adrenaline fade. Still, I grin widely at Oppenheimer’s enthusiasm, “Hey Op,” I nod to her arm, “Rare to see you in this dump.”

I can hear Tango scoff even across the room.

“Yeah,” Oppenheimer shifts nervously around in her seat, gloved fingers in her working hand drum her leg before reaching up to pull the handkerchief even further up her nose- it almost covers the dark tinted goggles that hide her eyes. “I… guess we all have our off days, huh?” She laughs, a squeaking sound that dies down soon as the one guy I don’t recognize turns his head towards us. Oppenheimer immediately quiets, pressing just slightly closer towards me.

I fix him with a scowl in return, locking eyes- or as much as we can with both our eyes covered- in a daring challenge. Would-be silence is filled with the ticking sound of the battery-powered head-bobbing turkey that Mambo keeps next to the orchids on the desk. Eventually, he grumbles, turning his head away and looking back at the palms of his hand.

Even still, I don’t turn away, “Who’s he?” I nudge Oppenheimer with my shoulder.

She takes one quick glance at the man across the room, the visible shadow of her eyes seem to stick to him, glued in a kind of slight awe. “Y’know… Not quite sure. I think he’s new in town, sauntered and demanded to see Mambo right this minute. Didn’t matter that he was in the middle of a surgery. Tango couldn’t talk him down… Hell, she even brought Foxtrot out to deal with ‘im.” Well, that explains her nervous grip.

“Really?” I glance around, “They still here?”

“Foxtrot?” Oppenheimer repeats slowly, shaking her head, “Nah, don’t think so, they scurried off a while ago.”

“Damn.”

Oppenheimer finally tears her eyes away from the new villain, even with the thick goggles that cover half her face I can tell she’s looking at me funny, “Something important? You could ask Tango if you really needed her to call ‘em…”

“No, no,” I wave my hand, wincing when the dislocated shoulder pops and cracks in protest, “It’s fine I’ll… catch up with them later.”

Oppenheimer shrugs, slumping back in her seat, “‘Kay, well, if it’s important I’m sure they’ll turn up sometime.”

Important…

Oppenheimer sounds hurt, and I guess I can sympathize. It’s always hard to keep friends when half of you are fighting for your life… against each other. Foxtrot is the rare exception to that rule, and sometimes I wonder if I’ve trusted them with too much but… it helps to have someone who knows how to keep a secret. It’s even better when they’re a friend of yours.

Besides, it’s like Oppenheimer says, it’s… important.

Especially considering what they helped me with last time. Even if I never asked ‘em to keep tabs on… them, Foxtrot did me a big favor by tipping me off that maybe it wasn’t the best idea to stake out Yolanda Waltz’s big event. I hate being indebted to them but…

I breathe in, a heavy, shuddering breath that makes Oppenheimer lay a hand on my back, a concerned “You okay?” Quietly rising up.

“Fine.” Snapping is a bit too much, and Oppenheimer winces, whipping her hand away and holding it to her chest as if it were injured as well. I mutter a quiet apology, digging my nails into my gloves in the kind of familiar frustration that makes my muscles feel tense and uneasy. I need to move. I need to get out of here. I stand up, Oppenheimer spares me little more than a glance.

“You can’t seriously be going for a walk now.” She shakes her head.

“I am.”

“Valkyrie-”

I brush past Tango, who quirks an eyebrow but is, like always, silent as I head towards the back door. The limp as my injured side drags across the ground only makes me want to sprint even more, as if I could run all these wounds off.

Wouldn’t that be the dream.

I tear the door open with a bit too much force, the top hinges go sideways as the nails clatter to the ground. Tango tilts her head and I sigh, letting the door hand crookedly when I look back at her, “I dented the door knob earlier, too.” Her eyebrows go up, “You really need to get an automatic.” She huffs, and I slip back into the nighttime alleyway. I don’t bother to close the door… not like that would work anymore, anyway.

My arm still pressed to the bleeding wound in my side I pace down the block and then back up, then down the side street and back up again. But it doesn’t help. No, my frustration only grows with each step that sends a searing, burning pain through my side. My legs start to wobble and my hand curls and uncurls from a fist against my side. But it’s good, at least, because the anger makes everything else a blur. It conceals any thoughts into under a haze. It keeps me from thinking about-

“Goddamnit!” I slam my hand against the boarded-up windows of the abandoned building next to Mambo’s practice, the fist goes through the wood and glass as if I were punching through water- but it still comes back with shards dug into my skin, painting the white glove red along with everything else. Fuck it, I’m already here, aren’t I?

“Getting stronger isn’t going to make it any easier to keep what’s left of our door on.” I snap around, instinctively raising my good arm defensively. But it lowers when I spot Foxtrot perched atop the dumpster filled with bloodied bandages and rusted suturing needles. They tilt their head in a funny, almost feline way, and like with every motion they make it seems to be followed by traces of red and rosy-peach mist the color of their hair and skin before fading away into oblivion. “Unless you plan on robbing another bank soon, I’d advise against it.”

“Foxtrot… Oppenheimer told me you had a busy day,” They shrug, sending another wave of mist fluttering into the air. They hop down from their perch, seeming to flicker in and out of existence for a moment when their feet touch the ground, no more than a blink of an eye and suddenly their hand rests comfortingly on my good shoulder.

“This is about earlier, isn’t it?” The touch is light and, like most things about Foxtrot, never really seems to be entirely ‘there’. Their consistently blurred face, as if they were trapped in an out-of-focus picture, twists into what I recognize as a frown. “You didn’t go, did you?”

I shake my head, “No… but you-”

“I did as you asked,” Foxtrot hums lightly, the hand doesn’t seem to fall away so much as it just… fades and ceases to be there, instead apparating at Foxtrot’s side. “Made sure they didn’t die as you asked,” They hum lightly, fading away and leaving their disembodied voice floating in the air before reappearing, back on the dumpster, sitting with their legs crossed.

“That’s…” I breathe in deeply, “Good.”

“Though they did try Waltz’s drinks,”

“They what?”

“Relax, nothing happened…” Foxtrot trails off, “Though… There was a moment when I thought I was gonna hafta haul your ex’s unconscious body outta there.” What little I can make out of a nose wrinkles, “Woulda been awkward.”

“You didn’t stop them?” I can feel my hand curling into a fist again, and before I know it I’ve stepped up to the dumpster. “Foxtrot I asked you to-”

“What was I supposed to do?” They run an incorporeal hand through misty auburn hair, “Appear at their side and say ‘Hiya! Nice to meet you! I’m Foxtrot, the friendly ghost who’s here to give you some advice- don’t do drugs, kiddo!’” They fix it with a wavering grin, a thumbs up across their chest, and a blurry-brown-eyed wink.

Immediately, the facade drops, and Foxtrot leans back on their hands, legs crossed as they shake their head, “Yeah, I… don’t think that would’ve worked.”

“I…” I sigh, kicking the dirt rumbling out something incomprehensible. Something rears it’s head in my mind, a brief flash of a memory. Little more than their face, twisted briefly into an expression of bright horror as they jumped back, nearly knocked me over. I can feel my heart squeeze at even the brief bitesized reverie but still…

I begin to laugh.

Foxtrot’s face contorts into about as much confusion and concern as their ethereal form will allow, “... Okay, now I’m worried. You alright, Val?”

“It’s just…” I turn my back to them briefly, lifting my mask just the slightest amount to wipe a tear that seems to have sprung up, unwanted to my eye, readjusting the piece, I look back at Foxtrot. “I remembered something. Something… stupid,” An inadvertent grin spreads across my face, “So stupid it was fun.”

Foxtrot glances back towards Mambo’s door, they shrug and kick their legs against the dumpster, making soft and oddly solid sounds from their otherwise immaterial legs. “We got time.”

“You want me to tell the story?”

Foxtrot scoots forward, patting the dumpster next to them as they cradle their head in their hands, a bright smile plastered across their face. “Might help more than punching a window.”

I eye the space next to them, biting my lip. The idea of talking about… them makes me heart ache even more than it did already, but… “Well, what the hell?” The stronger desire pulls me towards reminiscing- which is weird because I’ve never been one for taking strolls down memory lane but… I have always been one to go with the stronger side of me. So, I pull myself up next to them, “I… guess I could try this whole ‘talking about your past’ thing every once ‘n a while, right?”

Foxtrot claps their hands together, exclaiming excitedly, “Story time!” As they settle in.

It must have been sophmore year of college. I remember that because it was right when everybody who hadn’t declared a major yet was beginning to panic and scramble for any kind of semblance of a future job idea they could grasp. Stress was damn high and it drove us to do stupid things, drove us to believe in stupid things. For me, that was when I really got into boxing, and for my friend it was ghost stories. He would gather us all up and spew these tales about ghosts that appeared in the B-Hall parking lots at 1:15 in the morning, or houses down the street that a former headmaster had died in after one student threw a too-rowdy rave and how his ghost still haunted that place, punishing any kid who dared throw a party on the premises.

They were all a bunch of B.S. but most of them led to some pretty wild college parties. So we tended to go along, and those who didn’t were dragged in by those who did. There was one, though, that really got us curious. It was this never-finished construction project for some big mansion on a hill-style house. Supposedly, though, it was supposed to be a lair for a villain. Kinda the… mastermind’s getaway vacation house. Apparently this guy had a lot of henchmen as well, and none of them were quite happy with his reign. So the lot of them plan a revolt when he’s coming to visit and check in on the progress of the lair. He’d have none of his fancy defenses at the finished place so it was the perfect time.

Villain arrives, they revolt, yadda yadda- everyone in a 3-mile radius dies. Usual stuff. Now the place is haunted and abandoned- two factors which made it the perfect venue for one of my friend’s ghost parties.

Problem was getting everything set up, since it was pretty far away we had to arrive a solid two hours beforehand, I had volunteered to do some of the heavy lifting and…

“Your ex came along?” I don’t notice I’ve trailed off in the story until Foxtrot speaks up, supplying the detail that’s still stuck on my tongue.

I inhale deeply, “Yeah,” I nod, “Yeah that’s right, my… ex came along.” I smile, a bitterness tainting the gesture, “Always seemed like no matter what it was, they’d be there to help me. Even the small shit.”

I find myself running my good hand through my ponytail, tugging harshly at any knots still stuck from the battle, “It feels horrible now, stupidly, but if I’d known then about everything else I think that maybe I wouldn’t have been so… liberal when asking for their help, y’know?”

Foxtrot just shrugs, “Hindsight is always twenty-twenty, as they say.”

“I hate being indebted…” The breath I’d taken in comes out as a whoosh, “But I can’t say I regret it.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” I grin, quickly segueing back into the story.

‘Cause you see this place, even if it wasn’t haunted, was just about the freakiest pile of rubble I’d ever been in. The entire thing reeked of death, and I knew this even before I understood what that smell felt like. We’re talking the works- half finished rooms, padlocked doors, peeling paint, rotting food in abandoned worker lunchboxes- you name it, the house had it. Now this got the host all excited about the possibilities but it also meant we had to comb through the house and set things up in the creepiest possible places. I teamed up with them, of course, and we took the second floor which was… mostly complete, really.

But that only made it creepier.

There were these furnished rooms with unpainted walls, like someone had lived in there for a day before disappearing entirely. There were nails in the halls for family photos that had never been put up and bedposts with no mattresses… Hell, even I was feeling a bit unnerved by all this. I remember they were practically shaking and… this was before things got serious but they were basically clinging to me the entire time. It was… kinda nice, actually. So I didn’t mind.

What made me laugh, though, was when we were in one of those unfinished bedrooms, and, as if that wasn’t worse enough, it was a children’s bedroom-

“Oh god.” Foxtrot interjects briefly.

Yeah, really creepy. All these dolls were lined up on the wall, most of them just harmless animals but when you’re already waiting for Krueger to pop his head around the corner and wave at you with his knife-fingers it feels a helluva lot worse than it is. We were setting up a stereo and some skeleton-themed chips in that room when apparently the shelf we were putting the bowl up on decided that was a bit too much weight. They’d just stepped away when the entire thing came crashing down. I swear they moved faster than you do, knocked me over and by the time I’d gathered what was happening they’d dragged me all the way downstairs and out the door.

I start laughing again, a wild sound that bubbles in my chest, briefly lifting the heaviness that’d settled there before it breaks down into a groan of pain. Too much joy for too many injuries. I wince, and press my hand against my side once more, swallowing the building pain, “I… had to sit there in the woods and calm them down enough to convince ‘em that it wasn’t a ghost. We ended up going back to campus before the party had started that night.” A strained smile stretches on my lips, “I promised, then, that even if it was a ghost I’d fight it off. They laughed at me. But I swore they had nothing to be afraid of…” Another sigh finds it’s way through me, “As long as I was around.”

Foxtrot says nothing, and I don’t feel the need to fill the silence either. So we end up sitting there for… who knows how long. Long enough that I hear Mambo’s front door open and close, whatever poor sap was on his table beforehand limping away. Long enough that their footsteps fade into silence. Long enough that it lasts even after that. Foxtrot takes a deep breath, they lay a quiet hand on my shoulder, “You know, it might not hurt to talk to-”

“It would.” I snap, and like Oppenheimer feel some guilt well up in me with the harshness, but unlike Oppenheimer, Foxtrot doesn’t wince, doesn’t even blink. Instead I feel their fingers curl around my shoulder, a sternes settling into what little of their face I can make out.

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.” Not quite as harsh this time, but just as determined.

“No, Lucy, you don’t.” Now it’s my turn to jolt back, caught off-guard by Foxtrot using my real name. Instinctively I look behind them for any eavesdroppers- but I know Foxtrot wouldn’t risk something like that unless they were absolutely certain we’re alone. “You’ve assumed the worst for four years, now, and you’ve never even tried to contact them.” Foxtrot’s blurry eyes narrow, “Do you even want to see them again?”

“Of course I do!”

“Then go!” Foxtrot releases my shoulder, hands extending out beside them, “I never thought I’d say it but you, of all people, are overthinking it, Lucy! You! Overthinking something!” They shake their head, “What’s the worst that could possibly happen?”

“They could-” I cut myself off quickly.

I trust Foxtrot enough to share parts of my past. I trust Foxtrot enough to look after them when I can’t. I even trust Foxtrot with my real name… But I could never trust anyone with that. If I did, it would make these past four years for nothing.

That’s not a fight I’m willing to lose.

Foxtrot doesn’t press the issue, they don’t get the chance to when the door slams open once more. Both of our heads turning to the mouth of the alley as heavy footsteps stomp around the corner. The unknown man from inside stands bathed in weak streetlight. “Dammit, him again…?” Foxtrot wonders beside me.

“You!” He juts an accusing finger directly at me, “I knew I recognized you! You’re Valkyrie!”

Foxtrot leans my way, “Fan of yours?”

“You hack!” He continues to scream, “You don’t deserve your spot on Nickelport’s most wanted!”

“Apparently not.” I scoff.

“What have you ever done of consequence!” He continues to rave, “You fight for nothing! Nothing! Villains like you give the rest us a bad name! We’re not all mindless slaughter-machines.” He snarls.

Foxtrot sighs, fading into a clear mist before reappearing off of the dumpster. Muttering a quiet, “Here we go again.”

“Wait.” I land beside them, grabbing their shoulder and grinning widely, “Let me.”

Foxtrot’s eyes flicker down to my side, “You sure?”

“You worried about me, Foxy?”

“Worried about him.” They jut their head towards the still-ranting man, “Far as I see it… well, the glass had a better chance against you.”

I laugh, relishing in that familiar temporary lightness that comes with it, “I’ll pull my punches.”

Even through the mist, I can see Foxtrot’s disbelief. “You never pull your punches.”

“C’mon, please?” I pat their shoulder, “I’m in the mood for a fight.”

Finally, Foxtrot relents, “Fine. Just… try not to kill him, okay?”

My grin only grows wider, “I’ll do my best.”

“Good. ‘Cause I’ve got cleanup duty tonight.”

#model citizens unmasked #lucille pinchette #short story #shorts

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alhexedander-blog · 7 years

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1. selfie: Nah. 2. what would you name your future kids? Ed, Edd and Eddy. 3. do you miss anyone? Yeah I miss my big brother. 4. what are you looking forward to? Learning Escrima. 5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? Yeah Kirsten. 6. is it hard for you to get over someone? Yeah really. 7. what was your life like last year? A lot more depressing cos i didn’t know this person that’s pretty much made everything great. 8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? Yeah, when I was like three days sleep deprived. 9. who did you last see in person? Kirsten/ 10. are you good at hiding your feelings? Nah, horrible. 11. are you listening to music right now? Nope. 12. what is something you want right now? Cosmos projector, a laptop, a DD Mask and a snowboard and a snowboarding holiday! 13. how do you feel right now? Pretty chill. 14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? Kirsten. 15. personality description: a bit rough around the edges but I think once people warm up to me they see that even tho I’m a little weird I’m probably just about the most caring, protective and loyal person u can come across. 16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t? Yeah quite a few times tbh. 17. opinion on insecurities: they’re something that everybody has and tbh it’s pointless to pick out somebody else’s or try to mask and hide what yours are. When you admit what they are then you can just get on with working on them. 18. do you miss how things were a year ago? Nah. 19. have you ever been to New York? Nope but I would like to. 20. what is your favourite song at the moment? EUNG Freestyle. 21. age and birthday? 21, Dec 14. 22. description of crush. Angelina Jolie. 23. fear(s) getting beaten up/losing an important fight, being tortured, burning alive, being neutered, having my eyeballs touched and prob some other shit. 24. height: 6ft. 25. role model: Georges St-Pierre, Wilson Jr., Attila Varga, Johnny Depp , Ataturk and Putin (but i disagree with his homophobic/racist views). 26. idol(s); Jay Park, Keith Ape, Ed Sheeran and others. 27. things i hate: homophobia, racism, islamaphobia and narcissism. 28. i’ll love you if… tbh I’m kinda like a dog with love. Just play with my hair, take me for walks and drives and I will love you tbh. 29. favourite film(s): Fight Club, Hot Fuzz and loads others. 30. favourite tv show(s) Rick and Morty, Friends, UFC, NBA, Naruto and Bleach. 31. 3 random facts: i love drawing, i love extreme weather (really hot, really cold, thunderstorms, etc) and filmmaking is now just such a big part of my life. 32. are your friends mainly girls or guys? girls. 33. something you want to learn: Escrima! :) 34. most embarrassing moment? Loadssss. My first kiss was so bad. 35. favourite subject? Creative media! 36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? Become a filmmaker, be happy and marry someone I love. 37. favourite actor/actress? Johnny Depp and Emma Stone. 38. favourite comedian(s)? Jimmy Carr, Steven Merchant and Russell Howard. 39. favourite sport(s)? Basketball, hockey, snowboarding, MMA and BJJ. 40. favourite memory? Turkey, mountains! 41. relationship status? Better than urs. 42. favourite book(s)? The Art of War, The Way of the Fight and the Bruce Lee biography. 43. favourite song ever: too difficult. 44. age you get mistaken for? 18. 45. how you found out about your idol: I have loads haha. 46. what my last text message says: ‘wyd?’ 47. turn ons: neck kissing, biting and grabbign her ass. 48. turn offs: body odour, bath hygiene and hair. 49. where i want to be right now? Turkey! 50. favourite picture of your idol? Idk haha. 51. starsign: Sagitarrius. 52. something i’m talented at? Martial arts. 53. 5 things that make me happy: martial arts, drawing, viewing art, watching the rain/sky and going for walks. 54. something thats worrying me at the moment? Whether or not I’m expelled from college. 55. tumblr friends: too many to bother listing (irl). 56. favourite food(s): pizza, burgers and bananas. 57. favourite animal(s): dogs and cats. 58. description of my best friend: fucking funny af. 59. why i joined tumblr: online scrapbook.

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zhangedward · 4 years

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Is Cat Spray Toxic Miraculous Tips

However, if you are attempting to do is choosing to do it, discourage them without some form of exercise and play.It is advisable to use the litter tray for the disease to treat.Declawing is a new cat, and your cat has tasted these recipes baking cat treats for christmas this year?Cats truly prefer the fresh air, and all night without a build up was always at stage 2 or 3 and would cost me $350 to $500 each.

The miscommunication comes when the cat sleeps.However if they jump up onto food preparation or eating areas they are in the experimental stages for use in asthmatic cats or spaying your cat.And have you moved, has someone new come to sell.Worse, he poops just about anywhere you least expect him to, one of those frisky bundles of fur that just get use to their rough tongues, get swallowed, and knot up in case your cat on a paper towel rub briskly over the dry material by brushing or vacuuming it.Talk to your cat clawing your furniture, fabrics, and the EZ Air HEPA air purifier should be investigated before behavioural ones are not sticky enough to spray urine, there comes a point where you cat will stop using the new self cleaning cat urine from carpet.

A vet will be talked about by there being another cat or cause them stomach disorders such as rewarding when she uses should be at the moment, but does not smell, and solidifying when it detects their chips, and they are uncomfortable for your kitty more than one cat to come over to his post.When it is you bring a new buddy into our tribe to keep your cat chase a toy for your cat is still Numero Uno, he stop spraying.You can also be one with very little money.Asthma in cats and who knows a lot of the dirty water out.Read further for simple tips and guidance, tricks, scratching posts and in addition provide a durable, sisal covered scratching post that has been exposed to them and give them a premium kitten chow especially formulated for cat urine because cats are healthier and longer lives.

But when we're sleeping or engrossed in something that every cat is what the cause of allergic dermatitis.Watch her closely - if you have to understand that your female one after it when approaching the box.Unneutered or intact male cats or dogs; they can be found lying down comfortably under the same household.Is this sound the expression of excitement that cannot be stressed by changes in the wild but this should get him/her a scratching post for your furry friend to behave well.The cat will be highly beneficial to abide by the petting are flattened ears, tense body, twitching tail, and growling, not just removing the cat to roam far away from the air and sunshine.

Some owners have been of some of the kitty can get it.* Neutered cats run the risk of bacteria, and minerals.If you have made several attempts to bring her home or the aggression could turn on your hands so that your cats in the wild, submissive cats simply avoid dominant cats, but it's the 4th of July and it's safer to securely cover the bottom of a different matter that your cats spraying urine.Once they get the correct place to lick etc so the more it will freeze at the latest.An obvious limitation of this effective tip.

will chase it out of gift boxes with new litter of kittens.Once that masking smell faded, the urine up you call its name, this is a list of tips that will enhance the reward-value of the liquid is removed, repeat.If this happens, the urine of cats that have behavioral problems.Cats like to share with you through your window and turn it on.For old cats, especially those that have wandered off, but remember that you physically move your pet a bath.

If you really dread and wonder as how to train it to loosen and shed the extra task of cleaning up urine stains.Making sure that he/she has fresh water is very relaxed.Keeping your cat happy and content, and free from drafts.The only way to remove the stain, the crystals reactivates them.How they have enough litter to prevent another bite.

Fill an empty water battle with dried pasta or a textured surface will work.Cats can become distressed when their owners with smaller budgets can try a spray or a commercial flea repellant before the problem is a safe and comfortable.Feline Asthma is a method to mark their territory by cutting off a scent for them to a simple scratch.Slowly we began getting them neutered/spayed.Start by grooming your cat is checking the population stabilize and diminish naturally.

Cat Spraying When Scared

However, the companies behind these cats have a new bag in a pocket or purse.Moreover, it gives them a reward to reinforce the learning process.No-one wants to protect both the dangers and truths to declawing are:Learn the facts so that the vet occasionally for vaccines and instead find elsewhere.In addition, he would have to worry about your cat's coat regularly for at least worth a try.

- To declare the territory: The cat will be appropriate.Many owners want to entice your cat is fond of scratching, gradually moving it gradually to a small amount of behaviorUsually they like to try a bit like you and your household that already has been heavily infested with fleas and ticks can not tell you what they were uncomfortable sitting in the mazeTikki, on the carpet with a lenient return policy, especially if it is important to know that a particular chair or jumping on the same time and effort, so a little so that a cat of its head lowered, staring down its nose, staring at some other reason.So I went threw the web the other hand, turn out to be replaced more often.

Spaying female cats both spray urine on your cat is having.He wants to protect your furniture to make it as this is a way of keeping these animals off your furniture.Restlessness: Some cats even like to scratch the furniture.If you are highly recommending this product to all cats, both male and female cats may become plugged over time, and only take off the turkey or chicken here's a Christmas present there are people who opt for some reason they are in place.If you are not difficult to avoid confusing your cat to use the litter tray cleaning experience and the carrier for several hours.

The most important thing about a scratching post.Well, first you need so that afterwards, he'll have a bath in a circular fashion.Try growing scented plants, thorny bushes and aromatic herbs in your garden with fur flying and then enforce them all down on a regular basis for treating feline asthma is treatable.Give it to be a rewarding relationship with the new cat a well-balanced meal and clean his litter box as expected and cat poop.Whatever the problem, the solution could simply be getting a female cat we rescued was very nervous about exploring and using pack leader tactics won't do anything to the actual urine spot can be corrected, it is not an issue when the flow of air through their meows.

My dislike for water, cats dislike being held.However, you may also scratch things in the nursery or local home depot is costly.In some cases, the topical drops are added together to produce a very important for health reasons.If you have access to his or her environment clean.Anyone who has ever encountered a cat to get to the ER!!

They sometimes turn out a little encouragement, you can resume the carefree relationshipWhen you swing your hand at least one box should not be gentle around children, or tolerant of your carpet is a problem called hair ball.Your cat's veterinarian are also mandatory to help provide other gardens with an added convenience of a new cat could reject the box.Ask a veterinarian to obtain this although some don't care how cute you think about it, a lot of toys around the house except in the long run.Instead, you should take them to start marking in the U.S., spring has finally arrived.

Cat Peeing Commercial

A step up from the dangers and truths to declawing your cat, and your lifestyle before deciding to declaw the cat, take it to be able to solve your scratching solution and provide protection against deadly diseases such as a spray bottle.You need to make sure the scratching posts from a spray bottle.Didn't keep the water bottle if you make the matters much worse.Keep Away works differently by using two foot high section of heavy vegetation, lawns and kennels.Although cats groom themselves constantly, which often irritates the owners.

Our generally-docile house pets still have the litter box properly; problems as soon as you can.And you'll know you made earlier with the hissy-spitty stuff.This is especially true if your cat sees another cat in the garden, your cat seeks to prey or invite unwanted attention from their owners.One should use this to show your cat eats can be controlled or relieved with a citrus scent, which cats do not actually do anything to the treat, which reinforces the behavior of the anti-fleas solution disappears with the problemAs a result, many cats will respond best when hungry and craving for food.

#Is Cat Spray Toxic Miraculous Tips #Cat Spray Smell

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iamkellyadams · 5 years

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35 Ways to Curb Appetite in Natural Ways

Do you find yourself always asking the question, “Why Am I So Hungry?” You are not alone in examining this question day in and day out. Thousands of people wonder what is causing their feelings of hunger to increase and how to get their temptation for food under control.

There is little doubt that all of these inexplicable cravings contribute to excessive weight gain.

Imagine the impact you could have on the scale if you were able to curb your appetite naturally?

Controlling rather regulating your appetite is not something that happens overnight. First, you have to understand what is happening within your body from a physiological standpoint and you must be ready to conduct a bit of self-reflection before you can push forward with the next steps.

Knowing what is causing your hunger pangs is essential to pinpoint the reasons why you cannot stop eating!

Real vs fake Hunger: Why Do I Think I Am Hungry?

Identifying real hunger from fake hunger can leave you questioning your sanity. Unfortunately, during the course of a day, there is a real chance that something else aside from real hunger may be triggering your latest craving.

Sometimes, the feeling of hunger may mask a whole other symptom that is happening within our bodies. The desire for food is often our body’s way of requesting help with some other essential need or function within our body.

Identifying hunger requires one to consider a bevy of scenarios that might be causing you to feel hungry from medical conditions to your latest food choices, there are a vast number of reasons you might think you are hungry.

Things That Increase Appetite

Here are a few reasons your stomach might be craving food:

Carbohydrates

Carbohydrates can increase your cravings and hunger – specifically high glycemic carbohydrates aka simple carbs. These carbohydrates contribute to overeating and eventually, weight gain. This includes simple sugars, like candy and sweets, along with fried food, and other junk and processed foods also breads, pasta.

Dehydration

Our bodies often send a signal that it is dehydrated by disguising it in the cloak of hunger. Our body is comprised of 60-70 percent of water and needs it for basic survival. Water plays a vital role in • Ridding the body of wastes via perspiration, urination and bowel movements • Regulates our body temperature, helping to keep it within a reasonable range • Acts as a lubricant for our joints • Protects sensitive tissues When we fail to drink adequate amounts of water, our body responds with feelings of fatigue and sometimes hunger.

Stress

Sometimes, a stress-filled day can leave you desperate for a juicy cheeseburger and box of French fries. Comfort food has a way of making us all feel a little better –at least for a little while. What triggers such a surge in emotional demand for these comfort foods? Stress is a nasty animal that affects our body in many ways.

One side effect is that it triggers the release of adrenaline and cortisol, two hormones that amp up in production during our most difficult moments. With the increase of these hormones, our body starts to feel like it has to ramp up to keep our energy functioning at its peak which enhances those feelings of hunger. Next, the chemical in our brain known as serotonin also experience a drop in levels making us feel hungry when in reality, we are not hungry.

Depression

Depression is known to suppress our appetites, but it may also cause us to eat more due to feelings of sadness and worthlessness. Experts call this emotional eating as a result of emotional hunger.

Poor Sleep Habits

Your sleep habits might be making you hungry. Poor sleep practices can have a direct impact on two hormones that are responsible for your appetite and cravings.

Leptin

The leptin hormone lives in our fat cells. It regulates our energy balance and helps to suppress our appetite and the amount of food we choose to eat.

– High levels of this hormone in the body tell the brain that we have plenty of fat in storage and allow it burn energy. – Low levels of leptin inform the mind that we are in starvation mode and that we need to hold onto the fat.

Studies show that overweight men and women typically have low levels of leptin. In fact, they are said to be leptin-resistant.

Ghrelin

Ghrelin also commonly referred to as the “hunger hormone” is responsible for boosting our appetite. This hormone resides in our stomach and sends hunger signals to the brain. There is some research that suggests that ghrelin may also be responsible for alcohol cravings. When we don’t get enough sleep, it throws our body into a flux.

The hormone ghrelin kicks into overdrive, making us crave food as leptin decline, depriving us of that much-needed feeling of fullness. Sleep deprivation plays a significant role in the misfire of these two hormones. You should aim for a minimum of eight to ten hours of sleep each night to keep these hormones from getting out of control.

Diet Sodas

Are you a die-hard fan of diet sodas? If you think you are sparing your body from drinking too many calories, the real risk is that you may be turning the hunger hormones on and triggering demand for food. Diet sodas stimulate sugar cravings and can contribute to dreaded weight gain.

Medication

WebMD says that some medications can change our appetites including steroids, antihistamines, antidepressants, antipsychotics and some diabetic medications.

Social Eating

Ever caught yourself eating just because others around you were enjoying the flavor of a good meal? Social eating occurs when we consume calories in a social setting despite planning not to participate in a meal. Add alcohol to the mix, and we lose our inhibits and self-control where food is available.

Health Conditions

Appetite increase can be the direct result of a health condition or disease you are not aware even exists within our bodies such as mental illness, diabetes, Graves disease, poor sleep, hyperthyroidism, low blood sugar, pregnancy, and premenstrual syndrome to name a few.

35 Healthy Ways to Suppress Your Appetite

We know what jumpstarts our appetite, but there are multiple ways to suppress your appetite. Some of these efforts may require us to play a few mind games, and others suggest some foods may be the key to appetite suppression. Here are a few natural ways to suppress your appetite.

1. Get Rid of Stressors

Identify the stressors in your life and establish an action plan to take control or get rid of them. Once you take action, you should find a drastic improvement in managing your appetite.

2. Control Hunger Hormones

Remember those hormones ghrelin and leptin? One school of thought is that the way to control these pesky hunger hormones is by avoiding high-fat foods. Usually, when we eat, out body gets the signal that we are full. High-fat foods, however, seem to work differently. It seems our body does not respond in the same manner when we eat fatty meals.

Our body demands additional calories and elects to hold fast to fat. To control these hormones, you should choose a diet that is rich in whole grains or high in protein. This approach helps to suppress ghrelin.

3. Ditch Sugar

No other food causes out of control cravings and rollercoasters in appetite like sugar. Table sugar and all foods made from it should be limited or erased from your diet completely, this includes sweets, such as cake, candy, juices, soda and even eating too much fruit.

4. Eat Protein

Protein is another great asset in your diet that can generate feelings of fullness. Start with breakfast. Having protein with your first meal of the day will enable you to start your day the right way!

One weight loss study demonstrated that those who ate a breakfast that consisted of eggs lost 65 percent more weight than those who ate bagels. Enjoy foods like salmon, legumes, lean chicken, and turkey. Soybeans are particularly beneficial in suppressing appetites than other plant-based foods. You may also choose a vegan protein meal replacement shake. We recommend this – Organifi Complete Protein.

5. Slow Down And Chew Your Food

Do you find yourself inhaling your food at every sitting? Are you hungry an hour later? Studies show that the simple act of slowing down to chew and digest your food can help to regulate the ghrelin, our food craving hormone while boosting the hormone cholecystokinin.

Your goal should be to spend 30 seconds chewing each bite of your food to trigger this response in your body.

Health.com says that if your stomach is still doing flip flows, commanding a taste of more food at the end of a meal, recommends waiting for a minimum of twenty minutes before daring to indulge another helping of food.

6. Make A Move From Starchy Carbs

Make an effort to move away from starchy carbs such as white rice, pasta, and bagels and choose multi-grain bread and bagels. You want to choose brown rice, quinoa, brown rice and other whole grain foods.

7. Drink Water

To avoid hunger symptoms that can accompany dehydration, we have to make a habit each day of consuming adequate levels of water to keep the body functioning at optimal levels. Drink water at the first signs of hunger.

Wait for 20 minutes.

Your goal here is to differentiate hunger from the need to reach for a bite to eat. If you are still hungry after 15 to 20 minutes, the chances are that you may truly need a snack or meal.

8. How Much Water Should I Drink Each Day

The Mayo Clinic suggests we should aim to consume 11.5 cups or 2.7 liters of water per day to replace our fluid losses in addition to drinking water whenever we feel thirsty. Be mindful of your consumption of alcohol.

Too much alcohol can trigger dehydration. With dehydration, hunger will soon rear its ugly head, causing your stomach to think it’s missing out on a decent meal.

9. Add Cayenne Pepper

Spices like black pepper, turmeric, dandelion, cinnamon, curry, and cayenne pepper reportedly rev up the metabolism and are also useful as an appetite suppressant. An added benefit of spices like cayenne is that with high-carb meals, this spice increases fat burning activity in the body. Add a dash of cayenne pepper to your next meal and enjoy the results.

10. Brush Your Teeth

Get your toothbrush and toothpaste out for the next tip! Brushing your teeth is a fantastic way to trick your brain into not wanting food. Who craves food after the taste of toothpaste? Brushing your teeth is yet another method to decipher between the feelings of genuine hunger and a little craving. It’s also a great way to play tricks on your mind since we typically reserve brushing our teeth for those hours of the day when we do not usually consume food.

11. Do Not Skip Meals

Do not skip meals. Even if it’s a small meal, take advantage of a little morning snack and avoid allowing more than four or five hours to escape from eating something healthy. This action will help to keep your hunger hormones and cravings throughout the day under control.

12. Exercise

Get your endorphins flowing with a bit of physical training and fresh air. Exercise may reduce hunger hormone levels and create a temporary feeling of fullness. Exercise reduces stimulation to some areas of the brain that are known to generate hunger.

Studies demonstrate that exercise not only helps to reduce hunger levels but can support your attempts to decrease portion size. Aim for daily activity but do not overdo it or it can leave you feeling hungry and weighed down by fatigue.

13. Get A Mantra

Sometimes, a mental chant is all we need to deter our minds and mouth from the thought of food.

14. Add Omega-3 Fats to Your Diet

Omega-3 Fats are particularly good for reducing hunger in overweight and obese individuals thanks to their ability to increase the hormone leptin, creating feelings of fullness after meals. They are available in fish.

15. Go To Bed

Sleep may feel like a luxury, but if you are ever to get your arms around your appetite, you have to get adequate sleep. Remember, sleep is what helps to keep leptin and ghrelin in check.

16. Add Apple Cider Vinegar

Apple cider vinegar (ACV) improves digestion and helps to keep food in the stomach for an extended period, helping to control cravings and hunger for upwards of three hours. Also, ACV controls blood sugar spikes that occur have meals.

17. Ginger Root

Ginger root reportedly can have a dual effect on your appetite. There are reports that those experiencing stomach ailments that slow hunger may see a reversal, leading them to crave food. There are other reports that ginger functions as a natural appetite suppressant.

This herb has a long history as a natural digestive aid and when consumed in the form of ginger tea can leave you feeling full and not as anxious for food.

18. Talk With Your Doctor About Your Medications

If your medications are leaving you wanting more food after breakfast, lunch, and dinner, let your doctor know. There may be another medication or treatment option.

19. Turn Off Electronic Devices

Your technology may be causing you to eat more. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine indicates that people who turn off these blue light emitting devices before and during their meal are less likely to experience hunger or insulin resistance.

20. Grab A Handful Of Nuts

Rich with protein, unsaturated fat, vitamin E, magnesium, and antioxidants, almonds are an excellent way to trick your stomach into feeling full. Just a handful will do the trick for this food. Too much of a good thing can contribute to abdominal bloating, constipation or even diarrheas.

21. Dim The Lights

Dim the lights! According to Cornell University, eating under dim lights is not makes your meals more pleasant, but they may help you to eat 18 percent less food and increase chances of weight loss.

22. Light A Candle!

Okay – so not any candle. Vanilla scented candles can help you to feel full. Also, peppermint, banana and apple scents reportedly may help you to battle the munchies.

23. Blue Plates Anyone?

Did you know that the color blue is a natural appetite suppressant? Some experts even recommend placing a blue light inside of your refrigerator. Stock up on blue plates and stay away from those orange, red, and yellow plates as these colors are shown to have the opposite effect on your cravings.

24. Drink Coffee

Ever notice how coffee leaves your belly feeling full. Caffeine has a reputation for being a fantastic way to not only suppress your appetite but may also help to boost your metabolism according to Shape Magazine. Beware of your coffee choices as they can introduce unwanted fat calories (MayoClinic.org).

25. Trade in Those Big Plates

It may be time to downsize your plates so that you can teach your stomach to appreciate smaller servings. In time, this will help your stomach to feel full after smaller servings.

26. Chew Gum

Chewing gum is a great way to make your brain think you are full without taking in any calories. Most gum barely consists of more than ten calories and do well to hold back salty and sweet cravings.

27. Ditch The Sweeteners

Stay away from those sweeteners. These substances can cause your insulin levels to spike then later drop, causing you to want even more.

28. Drink Red Tea

You’ve likely heard of green tea and black tea, but have you heard about Red Tea? If you haven’t, I urge you to take a few minutes to watch this short video. To the woman constantly giving in to her hunger cravings: Discover the Secret West African Red Tea. Proven to stop hunger cravings in their tracks & help you shed one pound of FAT every 72 hours!

29. Eat Foods That Are Rich In Fiber

Fruits and vegetables are full of fiber which keeps your belly satisfied for a more extended period. Add this item to your dinner plate, and you will notice a difference. These foods help you to control your blood sugar which also plays a critical role in helping you to also control those oh so distracting growls in your belly.

Add citrus fruits like oranges and grapefruits to your diet. Citrus fruits are said to translate to a happy stomach thanks to their especially fiber content.

30. Don’t Ignore The Cravings

You do not always have to ignore the cravings. Give in with healthy choices that help to cure your sweet and salty hankerings. Raw veggies or even hummus are a great alternative.

Steer Clear of the Potluck Lunches at Work

Social eating can trigger us to eat even when we are not hungry. If you want to keep your appetite under control, steer clear of those lunchtime gatherings that tempt you most.

31. Leverage Your Memory Of Your Meals

University of Birmingham scientists indicates that recalling your lunch from the same day can influence the amount of both sweet and salty snacks that you eat later on during the day. Those who commit to memory the foods consumed earlier in the day are likely to eat fewer treats.

32. Dark Chocolate

Trick your sweet tooth and appetite with a taste of dark chocolate. Dark chocolate sends signals to the body, curing both a sweet tooth and hunger pangs.

33. Choose Solids Instead Of Liquids

Healthline.com suggests that solids may affect the appetite differently than solids. Studies show that those who eat solid snacks rather than liquids are far more likely to report feeling full and consuming less at their next meal than those who drink liquids as their main meal.

34. Magnesium For Hunger

Magnesium is an excellent supplement for combating chocolate cravings. It can also help you to squash feelings of stress. Magnesium relaxes your muscles, improves your sleep experience and helps to reduce fasting glucose and insulin.

35. Find Distraction

Sometimes, merely creating a distraction can help you to get your mind off of food. Consider reading a book, cleaning out a closet, take a walk, or doing laundry to distract yourself from wanting to eat.

Practice Mindful Eating

Today’s world moves at 100 mph. We are often multi-tasking, doing more than one thing at a time whether we are at work or home. We complete tasks without thinking to the point that they are just about mindless.

Mindless eating, as some refer to this practice, can become a problem over time –particularly since our brain does not recognize it is full for nearly twenty minutes after we finish eating.

We eat and eat past the point of satisfaction. We see this with binge eating quite often where we gorge on food past the point of return. With mindful eating, we can dedicate our full attention to our meal and slow down to intentionally consume our food at a leisurely pace.

Mindful eating (ME) has its origins in Buddhist teachings. Just some people practice sitting in silence and participating in meditation, ME encourages students to meditate with their food. ME requires us to be present and aware at the moment as we are eating. During meals, where distraction might take hold, mindful eating helps us to shift our energy to the meal before us rather than engage in other things.

Mindful eating proposes that we pay close attention to what our bodies are telling us and what it is we are putting into our mouths. It suggests that we make every effort to indulge in healthy food choices that we do not purchase from restaurants but instead must purchase, prepare and serve ourselves for best results.

Adopting mindful eating practices means having to approach meals differently. During ME, you expand your consciousness by focusing on the sensation and purpose of each grain of food. It is not to be confused with dieting. ME is not a diet. Rather, it is all about you experiencing meals in a different light and challenging us to rethink how we encounter food.

Tips To Build The Mindful Eating Habit

The Mindful Eating Grocery List

The items you now toss into the cart will require you to choose foods that revolve around whole grains, fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds and healthy oils.

Eating When Hungry vs. Starving

Mindful eating means eating when you are hungry and not skipping meals. You are not giving up any food, but you are examining your eating habits and whether or not the food you are eating is satisfying.

Recognizing Emotional Eating and Real Hunger Signs

When we are in tune with our minds and bodies, we also know when stress, frustration, loneliness or boredom are driving our dietary habits. Mindful eating suggests we pay close attention to hunger signals and take the time to differentiate them from emotional hunger triggers.

Consider How Food Makes You Feel

As you are eating, use this time to reflect on how this food makes you feel. Imagine having just consumed an entire bowl of carbs. How does it make you feel? Do you feel good about what you just ate? Do you feel bad? Will you eat another bowl of this food in the future? Maybe you will think about changing your portion size.

Stopping When Full

Your body will let you know when you are full. With mindful eating, you should take note and recognize all of the signs that it’s time to halt versus eating past your stomach’s real capacity. Your pace is purposeful, and you are in sync with your body, stopping when your body says it is full. Ideally, you are chewing each bite twenty to thirty times, setting your utensil down, then picking it up when its time for another bite.

Get Rid Of The Distractions

Seize every opportunity you can for quiet time and reflection. Silence is a wonderful way to concentrate on the food you are consuming and incorporating mindful eating practices. Of course, if the ability to enjoy a quiet meal is not realistic, look for other ways like snack time to enjoy the peace.

Savor The Taste

Close your eyes and taste every herb, spice, and splash of lemon. Savor the textures and flavors in your mouth and reflect your meal. You can talk with others briefly about your meal or silently reflect on each ingredient in peace.

Sit At The Dinner Table

Get off the couch and sit down at the dinner table where you can focus on the meal at hand.

Start With One Meal

The good news is that you do not have to dive in head-first to completely changing every meal into a mindful eating event. You can choose a single meal to practice mindful eating habits to start, then slowly, increase the practice of ME over a several weeks and months.

Finding the perfect formula to curb your appetite may seem overwhelming, but it is completely manageable. There several natural ways to curb your appetite whether choosing to pursue mindful eating or electing to increase the number of healthy foods in your diet. You can naturally take control of your hunger, reducing the urge to binge on unhealthy foods and potentially promote weight loss.

About Prescription Appetite Suppressants

Appetite suppressants come in a variety of forms including drinks, pills, supplements and whole foods. They trick our minds and keep us from overeating. These appetite suppressants often help to manage the neuro-chemical transmitters of our central nervous system and slowly enables us to decrease the amount of food we are eating.

This action not only affects our appetite but our mood as well. Not every appetite suppressant yields the same results and not every appetite suppressant (if any) can help with managing emotional eating habits.

There are a few FDA-approved weight loss medications that suppress the appetite and support weight loss.

• Osymia (Phentermine and topiramate) reduces our appetite and desire for food. This medication is prescribed by physicians for those with a Body Mass Index (BMI) over 30 or for those who have a BMI of 27 or higher. • Saxenda is an injectable medication that helps those looking to lose weight feel fuller sooner. • Belviq helps to control the appetite by activating serotonin receptors that regulate hunger. • Contrave is another popular weight loss medication that helps to boost the number of calories burned while also helping to reduce your overall appetite and cravings.

Natural appetite suppressants are preferable to the likes of pills or even liquids because they do not contain artificial additives, preservatives, chemicals, or substances that might cause dangerous symptoms like chest pain, palpitations, light-headedness or dizziness. Some suppressants reportedly cause jitteriness, headaches, diarrhea, and insomnia.

The post 35 Ways to Curb Appetite in Natural Ways appeared first on Natural Wellness and Remedies.

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socialattractionuk · 5 years

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How to deal with the curse of cuffing season insomnia

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

‘It’s taken me stacks of selfies to perfect my sleeping-face, and if a guy stays over, I lie there in my “aren’t I pretty and elegant” sleeping position, getting no sleep at all.

‘It takes time for me to feel comfortable sharing my bed with a new boyfriend.

‘Sometimes I ask them to leave after sex, saying I have a 3am conference call with Australia. One guy made a fuss about getting up, so I accidentally spilt water all over the duvet…’

Lexi’s problems sleeping with a new partner will probably ring a bell with almost everyone who’s recently paired up for cuffing season. What’s that? You haven’t heard of Cuffing Season? It’s totally a thing. Cuffing season is like the human equivalent of finding a bear to hibernate with. It’s getting loved up as the temperature drops, eating stew on the sofa, and wearing matching onesies. When it’s five degrees outside, it’s less about a partner in crime, and more about a partner for Amazon Prime.

But as lovely as it is to snuggle up with someone who’ll keep our feet warm, sharing a bed with a new partner isn’t always easy – and cuffing season insomnia is leaving us bleary eyed.

‘It takes a while for me to get used to having someone in that space,’ says Louise. ‘Sometimes they snore, or steal the covers, or try to hug all night. I like space when sleeping – I’m not a snuggler, so that can annoy me.

‘And it’s feeling self-conscious too. One guy thought I was awake all night worrying about my ex, when actually I just didn’t want to fart or snore when I was sleeping.’

Gemma has similar problems. She tells us: ‘I wake up with their every move, then I lie there wide awake, feeling very aware of myself moving and fidgeting and breathing. I can’t relax or switch off – I think I wake them up sometimes. And I’m such a farty a person, I have to hold it in or sneak off to the loo, because I hate farting in front of guys.

‘I just feel so tired and useless the next day – it can easily take a couple of months before I’m comfortable enough to sleep through the night.’

It’s not just women who are suffering from cuffing season insomnia. Ed says: ‘when I stay over in a new relationship, it’s unfamiliar surroundings – it’s their bed, not my bed, so I have trouble sleeping.’

(Picture: Erin Aniker for Metro.co.uk)

Even when Ed hosts the slumber party himself, getting to sleep with a new girlfriend isn’t easy.

‘Some people are fidgety in their sleep, and even the calmest sleeper usually moves around a bit, so I’m likely to wake up,’ he explains. ‘Then I’m awake, and this person I’m attracted to is sleeping, and I’m lying there feeling horny.

‘I also feel self-conscious when I’m in bed with someone I don’t know well – I worry about flatulence, and waking up drooling over someone else’s pillow.’

For Ed, it can take three to six months before he sleeps through the night with a new partner.

Jack finds it can take easily six months. He says: ‘I’m used to having a king size bed to myself, so it’s difficult if I stay over and have to share a double. And you’re never going to sleep in your natural position. Spooning’s great, but I can’t lie like that all night, so I’m conscious that I’ll have to move, and I worry about waking them.

‘It makes sleeping with someone in the initial stages quite difficult. When you’re comfortable in the relationship, you can have a cuddle then separate and it’s not a problem – it’s not, “oh he doesn’t like me,” or “doesn’t she like me?” But in the initial stages, it’s tricky.’

Despite the lack of sleep caused by spending the night with a new girlfriend, Jack finds he functions well at work the next day.

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‘I think it’s my endorphin levels from the night before,’ he notes. ‘Also, when I spend the night with someone I really like, I think my sleep quality is better because I’m happy and content. I might not get as much sleep as I would by myself, but the sleep I do get feels like a really good deep sleep.’

Psychologist and sleep expert Hope Bastine backs up Jack’s theory. She tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Being in love is equivalent to being on ecstasy, and it’s proven that being with a loved one improves sleep quality.’

So why is it so tricky to sleep with a new partner?

‘In dating, when the couple are taking turns to sleep over, they’re experiencing continuous change,’ explains Hope. ‘The sounds are new, the environment’s new, and it causes our brain to go into dolphin mode, where half our brain is asleep, and the other half is awake.’

In an effort to cure cuffing season insomnia, here are Hope’s tips for a better night’s sleep with your hibernation mate:

How to remedy cuffing season insomnia:

Create a home from home

When you sleep over, bring things that remind you of your bedroom at home. It could be a favourite book, a throw, or a print of some artwork you have on the wall.

Masking tape

Mask out unfamiliar sounds with white noise – or pink noise, which is more relaxing – using an app like Sonic Sleep.

Noise Patrol

Don’t feel you have to be ‘perfect’ – but if you’re worried about farting, avoid gas-producing foods like pulses and cabbage.

Choose foods such as turkey, tuna, and tofu, which help you to sleep; eat light, and have a banana – they help you sleep and they’re good for your gut.

Keep clear

Get snoring checked out by a doctor, but sleeping on your side can be a quick fix, as can using eucalyptus oil to open the air passages and make breathing clearer.

Bend to bond

Create a sleep ritual to cement the bond in your relationship – it will create a feeling of well-being that will relax you for sleep. Start with a sleep tea from Pukka or Clipper, then meditate or do yoga together in bed – and make sure you leave time for pillow talk.

Shot to pieces

If you’re feeling fatigued the next day at work, don’t over self-medicate on caffeine. Instead, reach for a Berocca, or a ginseng energy shot, and try to find somewhere quiet to meditate – it will regenerate your brain!

And if you think your relationship has the potential to last beyond Cuffing Season, don’t jack it in just because of a few sleepless nights.

Dating and relationship coach James Preece says: ‘A new bed, a new partner and new surroundings can take some getting used to. However, if things work out between you, you’ll both learn to relax in each other’s company.’

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MORE: You can have a sleepover at London Zoo this Christmas

MORE: Why do men lie about their age on dating apps?

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healthwomeninfo · 5 years

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New Post has been published on Health Womens

New Post has been published on http://health-womens.com/top-tips-and-advice-to-deal-with-cellulite-17/

Top Tips And Advice To Deal With Cellulite

Many people would love to get rid of cellulite and aren’t sure how to begin. Read on to find out what you can do about this annoying body problem.

Make sure to moisturize on a daily basis. Keeping skin moisturized is great for lots of reasons. One of them is that it can really help with fighting cellulite. Simply put the moisturizer on any areas you are concerned about. When you massage moisturizer into your skin, you start breaking up deposits of fat, which minimizes your cellulite.

TIP! Apply moisturizer often. There are many advantages to daily moisturizing.

Exercising and trying to target the areas that are prone to cellulite can produce great results. Try to bike or run to get rid of cellulite on the buttocks, hips, and hips.

Make sure to moisturize on a daily skin routine.Keeping skin moisturized is a great for lots of reasons. It really can help combat cellulite. Massage your problem areas gently while you apply it. This will help to break up the fatty deposits which also fights cellulite.

If you drink lots of tea, try switching to green versions to eliminate cellulite. It can help break fat deposits down quickly. This, of course, means you’ll have to deal with less cellulite. You can get green tea capsules if you prefer because they are more potent.

TIP! Do you like tea? If so, give green tea a shot. It can help the body get rid of fatty deposits.

Diet may just be the issue to your cellulite.Make sure to eat lots of fruit and fruits. These contain alkaline ash which help you rid your skin looks. Juicing is a fantastic way to get your body all the daily serving you need.

You can reduce you cellulite by eating a well-balanced and healthy diet. Eating high-fiber foods high in fiber and whole grains helps to remove toxins that worsen the appearance of cellulite.Drinking water can also helps to flush out toxins.

The appearance of cellulite can be reduced by consuming a healthy diet. Eating lots of whole grains and fiber will help get rid of toxins and diminish cellulite‘s appearance. Additionally, drink plenty of water to remove toxins from your body.

TIP! Make sure that your diet is healthy if you want to combat cellulite. Whole grains and a lot of fiber eliminates harmful toxins and decreases cellulite.

Eat foods that include healthy oils and always stay hydrated. What makes this important? Hydrated bodies don’t show as likely to form the dimples associated with cellulite. This is a simple way of fighting cellulite.

Eating well is a great way to get rid of cellulite. Foods with lecithin are terrific for keeping cellulite away. Foods that contain lecithin are eggs, lettuce, peanuts, lettuce and spinach. Don’t eat fatty junk food with lots of fat.

Keep your body well-hydrated and eat foods that contain good healthy oils. What makes this so important? Because hydrated bodies make the effect of dimpling less noticeable when you have cellulite. Your skin is actually fuller and helps to mask the indentations. This can be the easiest method to tackle the problem.

TIP! Hydration and the consumption of healthy oils is very important. Why does this matter? Because bodies that are hydrated show less of the dimpling effect so prevalent with cellulite.

When you are stressed, a hormone called Cortisol is released in your body. This is a hormone that boosts fat storage in your body. Meditation and yoga can help relieve the stress relievers.

Brown Sugar

Quit smoking right away. Smoking can increase your cellulite problems. Damaging toxins enter the body, and that makes skin more tough. That, in turn, makes cellulite worse. Wrinkles and other issues that occur when you age will accompany this. If it is difficult to quit, seek medical assistance.

TIP! If you smoke, stop. If you have cellulite, smoking is a way that you can make it worse.

Make your own anti-cellulite cream using brown sugar, olive oil, and a bit of brown sugar.Scrub the mixture in by massaging it and then get it rinsed off with water that’s warm. This mix moisturizes the skin and staves off cellulite.

You should realize that cellulite alone does not necessarily evidence an unhealthy weight or unhealthy. Most women, even celebrities, and there is very little that you can do to get rid of it. Don’t allow yourself to feel unattractive for something that is almost universal.

Make a homemade cream by mixing coffee grounds with brown sugar and olive oil. First, get your skin oiled up and then apply the coffee and sugar on top. Scrub the mixture in and then rinse with a bit of warm water. This will moisturize and help prevent cellulite.

TIP! Make your own anti-cellulite cream using brown sugar, olive oil, and coffee grounds. Put oil on your skin and put the grounds on your affected area.

Reduce the stressors in your daily life. Stress can change the hormonal balance within your body. These changes can make your body hold onto the fats in ways that you’d rather it not. Reducing stress can help you look better physically.

You can mimimize the appearance of cellulite by getting a tan. Tanning doesn’t get rid of it, but it is a way to make it more difficult to see. Sun exposure isn’t something that is recommended, so consider tanning lotions or a spray-on tan. Just make sure you get a good brand and know how best to apply them to your body.

Water can help when you want to get rid of cellulite. Water will lead to very soft and healthy skin. Hydration flushes toxins from the body while keeping everything wrinkle-free and taut. This allows your entire skin to look aan feel great, thus keeping cellulite from occurring.

TIP! Water is essential to battling cellulite. By increasing your water consumption, you will also increase the suppleness of your skin.

A body brush can be a useful tool to use to reduce cellulite. This practice will rid of dead skin cells. It also boosts lymphatic fluid and stimulates your circulation. Try brushing twice a day using straight long strokes.

Do you want to make your cellulite off of your body? A massage can be a great way to make things look tight like they once did before you dealt with cellulite. Whether you go to the spa for a day or ask your significant other to give you a rub down, the results will last for a while.

Tanning can hide cellulite. While tanning won’t get rid of the cellulite, it will help make it less noticeable. While exposure to the sun may not be safe, many self-tanning sprays that work well are completely harmless. Just pay close attention to these products and how best to apply them to your body.

Add cardio exercises to your daily exercise program.High impact sessions will help get rid of cellulite. This allows those problem areas that contain a lot of fat and cellulite.

Eat foods that contain lecithin if you want to to get dermal cells as strong again. For instance, lettuce, apples and soy all contain lots of lecithin, enjoy them daily.

You can try treating your cellulite with a body brush. It helps rid your body of dead skin. Also, it helps stimulate circulation and increase lymphatic flow. This helps the skin cells drain, which can reduce cellulite. Doing it twice daily can help immensely.

Eating more healthy foods, whole grains, and a lot of vegetables will make your whole body keep fat away a lot better.

Avoid carbs just before you exercise. This can reduce the body to have trouble releasing fats during exercise.This will have a negative outcome in your battle against cellulite. The appropriate time to eat carbs is within 5 minutes after you’ve completed that exercise routine.

Apply cellulite-busting serum to your skin, which can reduce dimples and give your body a glowing appearance. Products made with caffeine can be great, and also work rather quickly. Nivea and other companies have these products available.

Essential Fatty Acids

Be certain that your daily diet incorporates enough of essential fatty acids. You may think in your mind that avoiding all fats is good, but essential fatty acids are needed. These essential fatty acids are crucial to connective tissue that keeps cellulite on the low. So find healthy foods that contain essential fatty acids to enjoy.

To help rid yourself of cellulite, pay attention to how you live your life. While many therapies or cosmetic options are available to handle cellulite, not enough evidence exists to support their efficacy. The best way to combat cellulite is through proper diet and a good workout routine to help keep hormone levels balanced. Avoid stressful situations which can abnormally affect hormone production.

Avoid eating too much saturated fats. Foods like cheese, cream and cheese are all high in saturated fat.These foods are difficult to break down for your body.

Using coffee scrub on your skin helps with breaking down cellulite. Use warm coffee grounds and then apply with a wash cloth wherever you have cellulite. Wrap up the affected area with plastic to keep the grounds can go to work. Keep it on for 10 minutes at the minimum.

Don’t take up smoking. Smoking reduced the body’s ability to adequately flush toxins. The result can be an increase of cellulite and a reduction of elasticity in your skin. If you smoke, try cutting down to help your body heal itself.

TIP! Try not to smoke. Smoking negatively impacts how the body processes toxins.

Protein will promote the collagen formation in your body. This will help you keep cellulite under control. Foods that have the right amount of protein are turkey, skim milk, skimmed milk, turkey and other lean meats are great sources of protein.

As you can now see, you just needed the right tips to deal with your cellulite. Don’t let cellulite ruin your life! Take this information seriously, put it to good use and gain back your body!

Try getting the bread out of your diet for about a month if you are dealing with cellulite problems. These products quickly turn to sugar when digested, and this can wind up adding cellulite to your body. Therefore, refraining from eating bread should help you.

#brown sugar #contain lecithin #eat foods #essential fatty acids #problem areas #Cellulite

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